Chapter Text
"You did what ?"
Jungkook dimly recognizes the shock in Jimin's voice, but for the most part, it blows right past him, along with the warm breeze through the open sliding door to his balcony. He's got his cell phone wedged between his cheek and shoulder as he uses his free hands to dig through all the papers stuffed into his desk drawers.
He'd meant to be on his way to his rented studio space an hour ago. The unannounced call from Jimin had thrown him off and now he can't find the notes he brainstormed the night before.
"It's not a big deal, hyung," Jungkook says, barely registering his own words. Another gust of wind blows in from off the water outside, catching a few of the loose pages in the desk and tossing them across the room. Jungkook sighs and goes after them.
"'Hyung?'" Jimin repeats. "Do you even know who you're talking to right now? You haven't called me that in years, Jungkook-ah."
Jungkook sighs. "I'm sorry. I'm just busy and distracted."
"Busy and distracted working on your secret project that you didn't tell me about, but that you moved halfway across the world for." He's doing a good job hiding it, but Jungkook has known Jimin too closely and too long to miss the genuine hurt in his tone.
He stops looking for his lost notes and straightens up to give Jimin his full attention.
"I really am sorry, Jimin-ssi," he says, practically hearing Jimin's fond eyeroll on the other end of the line. "I genuinely didn't think you would care this much. If I'd known, I would have told you. And it's not a secret project. It's only a production, not even a big one. I just needed someplace private to work."
Jimin scoffs, but even through the phone Jungkook can tell that his apology has helped smooth things over. "Yeah, you just needed some privacy in the middle of a major tourist destination. Don't think I don't know where Positano is."
"You know what I mean," Jungkook says. He's itching to end the call and be on his way, but his impatience isn't worth hurting Jimin's feelings. Not when it's been so long since they've even spoken -- over a month, apparently, since this is the first call they've had since Jungkook semi-permanently relocated to Italy to work on his project.
Jimin doesn't acknowledge whether he knows what Jungkook means or not. He says, "Do any of the others know? I bet you told Yoongi. You tell him everything."
"No, I didn't tell any of them either. Like I said, it's not a big deal. I haven't even spoken to them in..." he trails off when he realizes that this line of thinking isn't going to win him any points with Jimin. The fact that he keeps in touch with Jimin better than anyone else and still does so miserably at it will only exasperate him further.
Jimin mutters, almost like he half-hopes Jungkook won't hear him, "And I guess I don't need to ask if you've talked to --"
"No," Jungkook cuts him off. "You don't."
He knows Jimin hears the shift in his tone, from mildly annoyed and distracted to cold, but he can't bring himself to care. Jimin doesn't dare even mention that particular topic of conversation nine times out of the ten that they talk, and he doesn't know what could have possessed him to do so now, but he doesn't appreciate it.
An anger he doesn't feel often anymore -- an anger he sometimes believes he's grown out of -- overtakes him. He's finished with this conversation, unless he wants to say something he regrets.
He knows he's more cut off from his life than he probably should be and doesn't want to risk severing another tie, so before he can let the anger take him, he says, "I'm sorry, Jimin, but I really have to get to work."
"Why do you have to go anywhere at all?" Jimin asks, sounding like he's pouting. "Isn't the whole point of being there that you have the privacy to work?"
Jungkook shrugs even though Jimin can't see him. "There are a few apartments in the building," he says. "They're not all occupied, but I don't want my music to disturb anyone. I'm renting a studio space in town to work out of."
Jimin sighs. "Fine," he says. "I'll let you go. But Jungkook, if you move to another country again without telling me first, I will track you down, do you hear me? And text the hyungs; they miss you as much as I do."
Despite himself, Jungkook feels his mouth tug up into a grin. "Okay," he says. "I'll text them."
"At least drop into the group chat now and then," Jimin grumbles, and Jungkook knows why. The rest of the guys have to maintain two separate group chats because of him. He really should make more of an effort to keep up with it.
"I will," he says.
With all of these promises extracted, Jimin lets him go. Jungkook ends the call and then, as soon as he's no longer distracted, finds the notes from last night on his bedside table. He tosses them, along with his sneakers and workout clothes, in a duffel bag and heads for the door.
Around him, the apartment he's been living in for the last month is airy, bright, and pleasant. It's a warm day on the Amalfi Coast, as nearly every day has been since he arrived here, but the ocean is less than a mile away and the breeze coming off of it keeps the place comfortable enough.
The full-length, gauzy white curtains blow into the room, making the space feel sort of magical and timeless. It doesn't feel quite part of the real world -- definitely not the world Jungkook is used to living in, steel and skyscrapers and all-night lights -- which suits him perfectly. The hardwood floors are scuffed and make the place feel lived-in. The white walls are homey and familiar.
He'd lucked out getting the place for long-term lease, and despite the instinct that had driven him here, a constant desire to be on the move, to run away from his own life, he feels good here. He thinks it's been good for him. But he can understand why it disturbed Jimin so much to realize Jungkook had been out of the country for a month without letting anyone know. His disconnect only seems to be getting more pronounced over time. He locks the door behind him and slings his bag over his shoulder.
It isn't that he doesn't want to talk to his hyungs, or that he feels any active desire to cut himself off from other people. It's more a combination of not knowing how to relate to new people, and all of the old people in his life having so much baggage attached to them.
He loves them, he'll always love them, and he likes to think he would be there for them through anything, if they needed him. But it's impossible to talk to them without being acutely aware of what (who) is missing.
Any awareness of that is as painful as it's ever been, like an open wound right at the center of him, still bleeding after all these years. It's ridiculous that it still affects him so much, but it's like an infection. He can ignore it when nothing is touching the wound, but the instant there's the slightest pressure there, he's in pain all over again, all raw and tender and inflamed, like the wound is still new.
Jungkook hurries through the building down to the street where the little moped he's leased sits waiting for him.
For the first couple weeks, he had been good, always wearing his helmet like he's meant to. As the days passed, though, and he began to feel less and less like a tourist and more and more like someone who sort of belongs here, he'd taken to leaving it off. He doesn't bother with it now, just stuffs his bag into the space of the seat behind him and turns the key in the ignition, puttering out into the narrow streets as quickly as he can.
He doesn't have a real schedule to keep, no one he's accountable to until it's time to head back to Korea to begin working with the dancers, teaching them everything he's working on while he's here. Still, he doesn't like to spend too much time away from the work. When he does, the days stretch out, long and unwieldy. He prefers to work through them as much as possible, to keep some structure.
The studio isn't far from his apartment, which is a good thing. Even on the little moped, navigating through the cliffside village is difficult in the middle of summer. The place is packed with tourists, here for a day or two, driving their rental cars around slowly as they ogle the scenery, getting lost in the winding roadways.
Jungkook swerves around and past them as patiently as he can, wishing he'd thought to grab his headphones so he could at least listen to music as he goes.
Still, it isn't all bad. Even after weeks, he isn't accustomed to the sight of this little, old village perched on the cliffside, overlooking perfectly blue water. As he drives, he hears snatches of so many different languages that he doesn't feel out of place with his Korean and bits of English.
He's barely picked up any Italian, but he's found that he hasn't really needed it, partly because when he does speak to other people, it's either just to order food or in a situation where only the most minimal language is needed, and then the English he shares with much of the world's population is enough to get by with.
He moves further from the ocean as he drives toward the studio, but he can still smell it, a clean, salty scent. He can smell food from the various kiosks and restaurants lining the beachfront too: pizza and pasta, but also uncountable kinds of seafood caught right out on the water every morning and sold directly to the chefs by the local fisherman.
Jungkook has found that the best time to be on the beach is when the fishermen are out pulling in their catches -- early enough that the day isn't scorching yet, when only the locals are around and taking up their relatively small space.
He pulls the moped to a stop in front of the building where he's renting one studio and slips the key into the pocket of his bag. He steps into the air-conditioned building with a sigh of relief. In his own space, he quickly changes clothes.
Despite how anxious he's been to start work for the day, once the music is playing, blasting through the speakers up in the corner of the spacious room, Jungkook finds that he doesn't know where to begin.
Even after skimming through his notes, all of the ideas he'd had lying in bed the night before, he only stares at his reflection in the wall of mirrors.
He looks at himself for the first time in a while for anything other than quickly fixing his hair before going out or monitoring his own dance moves to see if they look as good in reality as they do in his head.
Maybe it says something about him that he looks different to himself. How often does he meet his own eyes in the mirror?
They're dark and round like they've always been, but for the first time there are faint hints of what his face will look like in middle age, the beginnings of fine lines at the corners of his eyes and mouth. His hair is shaggy because he hasn't gotten it cut since he moved here, looking a bit long for the first time in years. He's bulkier than he remembers being, probably because he works out both to pass the time and to use up energy.
It's funny, he thinks, how in his own mind, he still looks the way he did a few years ago. The way he did during the best months of his life, when he had everything he'd ever wanted, all at once, for the first time.
If he has to imagine himself, he imagines the happy boy he had been then. He's never closed his eyes and pictured himself as the man he sees in the mirror, sad eyes looking back at him like an old dog who has been kicked by the world one too many times.
He shakes his head, half to flick the hair out of his face, half to try to clean the thoughts from his mind. They aren't doing him any good, and he has work to do.
#
Jungkook forces himself to go through the motions for four hours, and then finally he has to admit defeat. He's come up with, at most, a handful of new steps that might be usable. He hates to admit it, even to himself, but the fact is that his conversation with Jimin has shaken him, for several reasons. He isn't going to get anything better out of himself today, so there's no sense torturing himself further.
He feels jumpy, almost itchy under the skin as he pulls his phone from his bag and quickly flicks through his notifications, swiping them away with a brush of his thumb.
He hovers for a moment over the group chat he has with his hyungs, knowing what he'll see and seriously debating clearing that notification too, but he'd promised Jimin he would make more of an effort. He opens the message and sure enough, there's Jimin informing the rest of the group that Jungkook has moved to Italy and been there for a month.
The reactions are what Jungkook would expect to see: a sober congratulations from Namjoon, over-the-top upset from Jin about not having been told by Jungkook himself, a string of cry-laugh emojis from Hobi, and a simple, "Why?" from Yoongi.
Working on a project , Jungkook types and hits send before he can second-guess himself. Just needed some space somewhere new. Sorry I didn't tell you guys sooner .
He thinks of his own face looking back at him from the mirror and adds a smile emoji. Then he realizes they will all immediately think something is wrong if he includes a smile emoji and deletes it.
Tossing the phone back into his bag before anyone has a chance to reply, he's back on the moped a moment later. The futileness of his day hits him as he's driving toward home through the winding streets. He's back where he started with nothing to show for it, all because of one cut-off sentence from the other side of the world.
His annoyance over this fact only seems to add to the heat of the day and in his belly. He thinks about showering and changing when he gets home, going out, maybe finding someone to bring back to his bed for a few hours -- but it sounds like so much work, too much to be worth the reward when he can get the same result with far less effort.
He stops by the small corner store to grab a couple packets of ramen and then he's back in his apartment, feeling more restless than ever.
Despite the fact that the day is cooling quickly, he feels sweat beading at the small of his back and he suddenly can't wait to get out of his clothes. He drops the ramen on the counter of his small kitchen and sheds his clothes as he crosses the apartment, first dropping his duffel bag, then kicking off his sneakers, pulling his shirt over his head, and finally stripping out of his joggers to leave them in a little heap at the foot of the bed.
He bites his lip, a habit he's kept even though he's long since gotten rid of the lip piercing that engendered it in the first place, and considers whether he wants to shower first.
There are pros and cons to showering before or after, but the deciding factor is that he's beginning to feel downright jittery, like he's about to start buzzing around in his own skin. He crawls onto the bed, soft and plush with its bright white linens, and makes himself comfortable among the pile of pillows.
With an excited tremor in his hands, he reaches over to his bedside table and opens the drawer. Everything inside is neat and tidy, so he doesn't have to search for the bottle of lube, or the favorite toy he brought with him from home. He leaves the toy beside him on the bed and pours a healthy amount of lube into his hand.
It's been a while since he's done this. Usually he just goes out for a drink, maybe dances a little, and ends up bringing someone back with him, or going to theirs. Other times he uses the apps, always shortening his name to "JK" just in case. It hasn't been an issue so far.
This is different; it feels indulgent, like a treat, something he doesn't allow himself to have often.
In his excitement, he doesn't bother warming the lube between his fingers, just lies back into the nest of pillows, plants his feet on the mattress, and rubs the pads of two fingers over his hole, enjoying the glide of them over the sensitive skin.
He hasn't touched his cock, but it's already growing hard against his hip, and with the way he's feeling, he wonders if he'll be able to get off without touching it at all. He shivers at the thought. It's something he's always loved but has only managed a few times on his own.
He presses his two fingers just inside and then pulls them out again, teasing. That's something he doesn't get to have often either. When people are hooking up in the middle of the night, usually the focus is on coming and going as quickly as possible.
On his own, he can drag it out, enjoy it for as long as he likes.
He pushes in again, reveling in the combined sensation of the slight stretch and the tingling pleasure of touching himself in this most sensitive place. He’s anxious for more, though, so the second time he sinks his fingers in as deep as he can, feeling his breath start to come a little harder as his body adjusts.
There's nothing quite like this feeling, and maybe it's dirty, but it's the mix of an edge of pain with the pleasure that makes it so good for him. He doesn't waste time pressing a third finger in alongside the first two, doing his best to crook them toward his prostate. It makes him shiver, but it's too hard to get a good angle with his own fingers, so he focuses mostly on opening himself up.
Even just the thought of it, he loves. The idea of forcing his body to do what he wants it to do, making it bend to his will -- and the way that it does , reforming around his intentions. He imagines what he must look like, fucking himself on his own fingers, hole clenching around them, already hungry for more, and this time there's no sadness in the image at all.
He feels more than hears himself whine, the little sound bubbling up out of him without any input from his brain, and he knows it's time to move on. He hasn't fully lost himself yet, and he knows it's coming, knows how sweet it will be when it does, even if it's just for a few minutes.
So he pulls his fingers out and picks up the toy he's so attached to he had to bring it all the way from Korea in a carry-on bag instead of just ordering something new that could be delivered to him here.
It's a little silly-looking, glittery and a bright turquoise color, but it's the size and shape of it, the feel of it, that make it his favorite. It's on the bigger side of realistic, long and thick, and it has a satisfying heaviness to it, in his hand but more importantly when it's inside him. He slicks it up quickly, efficiently, anxious for it now.
He leans back again and bites his lip, squeezing his eyes shut in concentration as he prods at his hole with the blunt tip of it. He didn't prep himself as much as he could have, and it's not coming easy. He draws in a long, deep breath and uses a slight but steady pressure to slowly ease the toy past his rim until the head is nestled inside.
He lets out a moan at the feeling of it, and immediately his mind is flooded with endorphins and images ( memories ) that he's long since given up trying to resist.
As long as there's no face to them, it doesn't even hurt anymore.
He lets himself sink into them as the toy sinks deeper and deeper into him.
Memories of pretty hands with long, elegant fingers taking him apart one light touch at a time. A hot, wet mouth over his nipple, teeth in the join of his neck and shoulder, a low voice whispering sinfully filthy words in his ear, a cock remarkably like this one splitting him open, but always moving unpredictably. He tries to capture that feeling now, but it's hard to do when he knows every move he's going to make.
He pulls the toy most of the way out and then eases it slowly back in, feeling his back arch into it in a way that's almost removed from him. He repeats the motion a couple of times and then abruptly switches to pressing it in as deep as it will go and rotating it in little circles, grinding it down against his prostate in an approximation of how it might have felt once upon a time, though back then the sensation would have been accompanied by the bruising grip of big, surprisingly strong hands around his waist, or pushing down on his low back to hold him precisely in place.
His entire body shakes as he drives the toy as hard as he can into that spot inside him that's starting to swell from the abuse it's taking. He doesn't care, just pushes harder, grinding the toy against it in little pulses until he's shuddering.
Vaguely, he's aware that there are little noises spilling from his throat and sticky pre-come spilling from his cock and dripping down onto his belly. His eyes are shut tight against the fading light of the day and behind them swirls an intoxicating blend of memory and fantasy.
Jungkook fucks the toy into himself a few more times, as hard as he can, driving it in with all the force his own strength can give him, and it isn't quite right but it's close enough.
His belly tightens and he hears himself cry out as he gets right up to the edge. Behind his eyes, where no one will ever have to know, he sees the ghost of a boxy smile. In his ringing ears, he hears the echo of a low, reverent laugh.
With one last, deep thrust, Jungkook lets his hips move of their own accord, rolling down to grind on the toy, making sure, by some natural or well-learned instinct, to put the right pressure on all the right places, until with a loud, high cry, he clenches down on it, twitching and writhing as he falls apart on nothing but the glittery silicone.
For those few brilliant seconds, it doesn't even matter that while this is better than anything else he's likely to get, it pales in comparison to the best he's ever had.
#
Jimin rocks back and forth in his chair, his tired eyes gazing up at the ceiling. They feel heavy, but he keeps them open, cradling the warm little body against his chest, cell phone against his ear.
"I don't know, Jimin," the voice on the phone sighs. "Life is good. I'm just tired."
"Sounds like you need a vacation," Jimin says, keeping his voice low so he won't rouse the infant he's desperately trying to get to sleep.
The voice laughs without a trace of humor. "Who doesn't?"
Jimin's eyebrows move in concession of the point. He could sure use one. "Not all of us have the option," he says. "But you do," he points out, with a dawning realization.
"Too busy."
"No, I'm serious, Taehyungie," Jimin says, and even he can hear the indication of just how serious he really is in his voice. He hopes Taehyung notices it too, perceives it as Jimin putting his foot down, looking out for his health. "A big star like you can make his own schedule, right? Take some time off. You don't have anything going right now. Surely you can miss a few parties and premieres and that sort of thing."
There's a pause on the line and Jimin would laugh at himself for the way his heart rate actually picks up, but this is the most important thing he's done since this baby in his arms was born and that's not even an exaggeration.
"Maybe you're right," Taehyung says, sounding like he's actually thinking it over.
Jimin almost jumps in his chair, jolting the baby back to wakefulness -- but it's a worthy sacrifice if he can get this to work.
"Of course I'm right," he chirps.
"What would I do though?" Taehyung asks. "Where would I even go?"
Jimin could almost cry. He looks at the ceiling again, this time directing his gaze past it and up into the heavens. He mouths a silent "thank you" to the stars, and then turns his attention back to his phone.
"Have you ever been to Positano?"
Notes:
I am so, so excited about this story -- so, truly, thank you for reading! Chapter two will be up on Wednesday, but remember that if you're interested, you can always subscribe to be notified when new chapters go up.
If you enjoyed the first chapter and/or you're looking forward to the rest, please feel free to let me know! I love comments, they're like delicious little treats.
Thank you again for reading! I think we're going to have fun here~
Chapter 2
Summary:
Jungkook wakes up feeling warm in a way that has nothing to do with the heat of the summer day and everything to do with the sated feeling in his limbs, heavy and soft with the dream he'd been having.
His mood then promptly does a complete switch when he remembers what had made the dream so good: memories of infectious, joyful laughter; nimble, elegant fingers playing with his body, knowing exactly all the right places to brush and press and grip; the phantom sensation of the person beneath him opening up for him so sweetly.
Notes:
Thank you so much to everyone who has shown interest in this story so far! I hope you enjoy chapter two!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jungkook wakes up feeling warm in a way that has nothing to do with the heat of the summer day and everything to do with the sated feeling in his limbs, heavy and soft with the dream he'd been having.
His mood then promptly does a complete switch when he remembers what had made the dream so good: memories of infectious, joyful laughter; nimble, elegant fingers playing with his body, knowing exactly all the right places to brush and press and grip; the phantom sensation of the person beneath him opening up for him so sweetly.
He throws the sheets off of himself and pointedly ignores how hard he is, instead groping for his phone on the bedside table. It's been two weeks since his phone call with Jimin, and his admittedly over-indulgent session with his favorite toy, and he's dreamt about Taehyung every night since.
It's driving him crazy.
Every morning he wakes up hard and happy, only to come crashing down a few seconds later when the real world, his real life, catches up with him. Maybe it's his own damn fault for indulging in the fantasy in the first place, but he doesn't think he deserves this kind of torture.
And now he's late, he realizes as he sees the time on his phone. Great -- that's been becoming a habit too.
Grumpy and on edge, he untangles himself from his bed and does a passable job quickly straightening the sheets.
It really doesn't matter when or even if he makes it to his studio, but in the two weeks since that apparently fateful phone call, he's barely made any progress on his choreography. He only has until the end of the summer to get it all finished -- or as finished as it can be before he has a chance to work with the dancers.
Jungkook is just debating whether or not to take a quick shower (maybe an icy cold one) before heading out when he hears a knock at his door. He pauses for just a moment, making sure it really is his door and not that of one of his neighbors.
It's definitely his own, he realizes, but it's probably a mistake, or maybe a package being delivered. Jimin had asked him for his address the day after they spoke, insisting that he needed it in case of emergency. It would be like him to send Jungkook some sort of care package.
He ignores the knocking and goes back to gathering up the things he'll need for the day: a change of clothes, a water bottle, his phone and earbuds.
He's all but forgotten the door, halfway through brushing his teeth, and has more or less decided to save his shower for after he's kicked his own ass at the studio, when the knocking starts again, this time a little more forcefully.
There's nothing aggressive about it, it doesn't sound like the person on the other side of the door is frustrated or annoyed, but there's a confidence to it, like the person knows they have the right door. Jungkook guesses they won't be put off so easily, and he needs to head out in a few minutes anyway.
He finishes brushing his teeth, spits into the sink, and rinses his brush as the third round of knocking starts up. With a sigh, he makes his way to the door, slipping on his sneakers as he goes. If it's a package, he'll just grab it and leave it inside to deal with when he gets back; he doesn't want to throw off his schedule any more than sleeping late already has.
With his duffel over his shoulder, Jungkook opens the door and comes face-to-face with the most beautiful person he's ever seen. Because it's Taehyung.
Jungkook opens the door, and the person on the other side is Taehyung.
Time stills.
Taehyung seems to realize in the same instant that Jungkook does who it is that he's looking at, because the expression on his face is just as dumbfounded as Jungkook imagines his own is.
His deep brown eyes are wide and round, full lips parted. His skin is the same lovely golden brown it always is in summer, and Jungkook's heart clenches painfully in his chest when he realizes that the exact shade of it has remained perfectly intact in his mind after all these years.
Five of them. It's been five years since he's seen Taehyung anywhere but on a screen. He thinks it might be a minor miracle that his eyes aren't already filling with tears, but he's too shocked to feel much of anything.
What is Taehyung doing here? How did he get here? Why is he knocking on Jungkook's door? He doesn't even know where to begin.
Taehyung seems to get his own brain back up and running more quickly. For the first time since the door opened Jungkook doesn't know how long ago, Taehyung's eyes fall away from Jungkook's face and he looks at the floor.
"Jimin," he mutters, everything about him tense, and Jungkook realizes he's angry.
For his own part, Jungkook's mind is split between putting the pieces together and thinking about how wrong it is that the first time he hears Taehyung's voice after all this time, he's saying someone else's name.
Taehyung still isn't looking at Jungkook when he says, "He told me he had a friend staying here." A bitter, heart-wrenching laugh comes out of him. "He didn't say who, obviously."
Jungkook is aware of the fact that he still hasn't said anything himself, but the thought of changing that feels as impossible as Taehyung's presence on his doorstep is. Maybe he's still dreaming. That would make far, far more sense than the idea that Taehyung is somehow standing right here, right in front of him, in Positano of all places.
He can't stop looking, his eyes acting with a mind of their own as they drink in the sight of Taehyung in his travel clothes, loose-fitting trousers and a billowy white shirt that looks stark against his vibrant skin.
His hair is soft and fluffy around his ( perfect , perfect) face, but it's unstyled. He must have come straight from the airport to greet Jimin's unnamed friend. But no -- that would mean that he's really here and Jungkook is staring at him like an idiot. Far easier and less humiliating to believe he truly is still dreaming.
Finally, after the silence stretches out long, Taehyung looks back up at him. Something hardens in his face, his jaw tightening, and he says, "I'm sorry. I really didn't know. I'll go."
Without waiting for a response -- probably because after Jungkook stood there for several minutes without so much as breathing out a hello, he figures he wouldn't get one -- he turns sharply and quickly walks down the hall toward what Jungkook knows is the large, empty apartment in the building. Or was, he supposes.
The ridiculous thing, the absolutely stupid, painfully embarrassing, embarrassingly painful thing, is that it hurts all over again, watching him go, even after just a few moments looking at each other in the hallway.
Jungkook finds himself staring after him, watching him stalk off down the hall until he turns the corner and disappears from view. Even then, he goes on looking after him for a long time, still half-wondering if he's made the whole thing up, if he's still going to wake up in bed with a new kind of pain in his chest.
Finally, he pulls himself together enough, at least, to remember that he's got things to do. He can't just stand starstruck in the hallway outside his apartment all day.
He doesn't know what he's feeling, only that he's successfully holding it at bay for now, and if he stops doing that, if he lets it in, it's going to overwhelm him. The one thing that slips through the cracks is anger. He takes his phone out of his bag and types a quick message, which he sends to Jimin before slamming the door of his apartment behind him: What the fuck .
#
Jungkook dances hard. He pushes himself more than he has since first arriving in Positano, wanting to drain his mind of thoughts and his body of energy as completely as possible. He doesn't look at his phone, partly because he's too angry to trust himself to say anything to Jimin, and partly because he's terrified of how Jimin might respond to him.
Part of him still wonders if he didn't imagine the whole thing. It seems so impossible that Taehyung could really be here, in the same little village as Jungkook, halfway across the world from home, looking sun-kissed and soft and like he belongs here even though he doesn't fit at all.
But Taehyung belongs everywhere, especially if Jungkook is there too, and that's why it's so painful to think that maybe he really is here now. That maybe Jimin sent him here on purpose, knowing that they would have to see each other.
Unless Taehyung leaves before Jungkook returns home. He replays their whole encounter over and over again in his mind, unable to think of anything else even as he tries so hard to concentrate on work.
The image of Taehyung standing in front of him is burned into his memory already, seared there with the blinding light that always seems to radiate off of him, and it hurts so badly but Jungkook can't look away. Taehyung's words -- only Taehyung's, because Jungkook had been too dumbstruck to say anything at all -- repeat themselves on a loop.
I'm sorry. I really didn't know. I'll go.
Had he meant only that he would leave Jungkook alone? That he would return to his own apartment? Find another place to stay? Leave Positano altogether?
Jungkook doesn't know. He doesn't even know what he wants the answer to be. Part of him wants Taehyung to be gone when he gets back, like a figment of his imagination. Then he could pretend he'd never been there at all, convince himself that the whole thing really was just a dream.
And part of him thinks that if he gets back to the building and Taehyung isn't there, his heart will crack all over again and it will be weeks, maybe months, before he even begins to feel normal.
What would be worse? Seeing him around and needing to pretend to feel casual about it, or knowing he had been there and left as soon as he saw that Jungkook was staying under the same roof?
He doesn't think about it.
It's impossible not to think about it.
So he dances, pushes himself as hard as he can, and at the back of his mind, he once more marvels at what his body can do, how it always answers his call when he needs something from it.
He loses track of time as he runs through everything he's choreographed so far. He doesn't even try to come up with anything new, knowing it's a pointless effort when he's this distracted.
It feels good, or at least satisfying, to work hard and see what he's managed to come up with in the month-and-a-half he's been here, and sometimes he even forgets about Taehyung for a few seconds.
He dances until he's drenched in sweat and every muscle aches and the sun has begun to set outside the windows, and finally he's forced to accept the fact that he can't work any longer and has to return home. He takes a couple minutes to drink water and cool down before leaving.
In that time, he works up the courage to check his phone, but he doesn't have a response from Jimin. Even his group chat with the hyungs is mysteriously quiet, which he takes to mean that Jimin told the others they might want to avoid talking to him for a day or two. He sighs, annoyed, and buries the phone back in his bag.
The drive home passes too quickly and Jungkook's stomach is roiling the entire time. He has no idea what he's hoping for, what he's dreading, and the blend of both emotions is making him feel lightheaded and somehow heavy at the same time. He hates it. He feels sick with anxiety and sadness and he feels stupid for both of them.
When he pulls up into his place in front of the plastered building he's called home for over a month now, it isn't immediately apparent whether Taehyung is inside or not. He almost laughs at himself for feeling like it should be obvious, but shouldn't it?
Of course any place with Taehyung inside it should be radiating with energy and light and warmth. It should be clear even from outside, to anyone passing by.
It's nonsense, of course, but it feels that way.
Jungkook parks his moped, which he suddenly feels silly for driving even though it hasn't bothered him at all since he first got it, and grabs his bag. Even though the day has cooled rapidly with the setting sun, his hands are sweaty. He rubs his palms on his workout shorts and heads inside.
He doesn't know what he expected -- to see Taehyung just standing there as soon as he entered the building? -- but everything is as it always is in the large foyer. He marvels at the fact that if Taehyung hadn't knocked on his door this morning, they could have both existed in the building for who knew how long without seeing each other at all, without even knowing that they were both here together.
It's embarrassing, but he stands in the foyer for a long moment debating with himself on what to do. The knowledge that Taehyung might be in the building somewhere paralyzes him.
Nothing he could do seems like the right thing. He could go back to his own apartment and ignore the fact that Taehyung might be as close as one floor below him, or just on the other side of the wall.
He could call Jimin and leave him a series of angry voicemails demanding an explanation. He could leave again. He could wander through the building to see if he might run into Taehyung, and then -- then what?
Ultimately what decides him is knowing that he's soaked with sweat and probably smells disgusting. He doesn't know what he would do if he came across Taehyung, but one thing he does know: he doesn't want Taehyung seeing him (or smelling him) like this.
With this decided, at least, he returns to his apartment, jumping at every tiny noise on the way as though any or all of them could be caused by Taehyung suddenly making an appearance again. He's terrified and exhilarated by the thought.
He tries to think things through in the shower, a cool one to attempt to calm his racing heart.
It occurs to him that he gave Taehyung less than nothing to go on that morning. Obviously this is difficult for him too, and for Jungkook to just stare at him like that didn't even let Taehyung know that it's okay for him to stay.
Of course it's okay for him to stay, it's not like he needs Jungkook's permission, not like Jungkook has any right to tell him what to do. But he doesn't even know that Jungkook will be okay if he stays. Jungkook doesn't know that either, but it still seems important to say it.
His belly churns with nerves and excitement and abject terror the entire time he finishes his shower, dries off, and gets dressed. He absolutely refuses to agonize over what he's wearing, telling himself that Taehyung isn't going to notice, and that it doesn't matter anyway because he's already seen him in his workout clothes.
So he throws on a variation of what he wears most nights when he isn't planning on going out, a pair of loose black pants and a baggy black t-shirt, and he leaves his apartment.
Guessing that Taehyung is probably renting the other large apartment in the building, one of two that Jungkook knows have been sitting empty, he walks slowly down the hall in that direction, fighting an internal drive to run in the opposite direction the entire way.
He chews on his lip, takes a step, wonders if he's making a mistake, if Taehyung will answer the door, if he's even still here and Jungkook's dead-eyed stare that morning hadn't sent him packing back to Korea.
But no, he tells himself. Surely Jungkook, his presence, wouldn't have that much of an impact on Taehyung. It's been five years, he reminds himself. Just because he's found it pathetically impossible to move on doesn't mean that Taehyung has too.
That's another thing he might have to face, he realizes, and that thought stops him in his tracks for a long moment. He hadn't thought to look that morning, but there's every chance when he sees Taehyung next, he'll notice a ring on his finger.
He doesn't know anything about what Taehyung has been up to. He refuses to receive updates from the hyungs, has his name blocked across all platforms. All he knows of Taehyung from the last five years is what he’s done on TV, what movies he’d been in. It's the only aspect of his life that Jungkook allows himself access to.
Eventually he does make it to the apartment where he presumes Taehyung must be staying. Still, he hovers outside the door without knocking for several minutes, not sure what he'll say if Taehyung really is here and does actually open the door.
The only thing worse than knocking and not knowing what to say (or there being no answer at all) would be for Taehyung to open the door and find him just standing here trying to work up the nerve, and the longer he waits, the more likely it becomes, so finally he raises his tattooed hand and raps, softly, a few times.
His heart leaps when he hears a reaction immediately, what sounds like something banging in the kitchen area and then hurried, scuffling steps.
Then the door creaks as it opens, and for the second time in both one day and the last five years, Jungkook is looking at Kim Taehyung standing directly in front of him.
Taehyung must have known that it would most likely be Jungkook standing on the other side of the door; he looks less surprised this time, more wary.
His puppy eyes aren't so wide, and he's changed his clothes, though he still looks like he isn't planning on going anywhere, dressed in a loose pair of shorts and a t-shirt almost as big as Jungkook's. His hair is messy and he isn't wearing makeup, has purple bags under his eyes.
He is the most beautiful thing Jungkook has ever seen.
This time Taehyung seems to decide that Jungkook can do the talking. He doesn't say a word, and eventually Jungkook realizes that so far, he's only managed to stare again. At least he notices this time that Taehyung isn’t wearing a wedding ring. It’s a small comfort.
Jungkook draws in a breath.
"Hi," he says on the exhale.
"Hi," Taehyung says. He waits, his expression unreadable, but maybe this is at least a sign that he's willing to meet Jungkook where he is.
Jungkook forces himself to breathe. He reminds himself that he has to do this, no matter how hard it is -- for Taehyung. For Taehyung, he can pretend that he isn't crumbling to pieces. For Taehyung, he can pretend that he isn't standing here in more pain than he's felt in a long, long time.
"I'm sorry about this morning," he says. "I was just surprised to see you. Jimin didn't mention --"
"No. He wouldn’t."
It feels like a moment where he could laugh -- where they could smile at each other about Jimin meddling in their lives, share something together -- but it won't come, and the moment passes in another strained silence.
"I don't want you to feel like I think you need my permission to be here or anything, obviously you don't, but I just wanted to say that I'm cool with it."
"'Cool,'" Taehyung repeats.
Jungkook has never hated anything about Taehyung, but right now he's very close to hating how unreadable and unreachable Taehyung can be when he wants to. For someone so good at wearing his entire heart on his sleeve, he has more skill at hiding his emotions than anyone else Jungkook has ever known. Jungkook nods.
"I mean, I won't make it a big deal. I'm sorry you're stuck here with me," he tries to say it with a laugh, even a self-deprecating one, and the attempt is so pathetically awful that he hopes Taehyung is even a fraction as mystified by Jungkook as Jungkook is by him and doesn’t know what he’d been trying to do.
"But I won't make a thing of it,” he goes on. “I just wanted you to know you don't have to worry." Every casual word that leaves his throat feels like a tooth being pulled, bloody and sharp.
Taehyung's eyes are trained on Jungkook's face, which Jungkook knows because he can feel the weight of his attention. It's a sense he has a lifetime of practice honing, his awareness of Taehyung's awareness of him. Apparently five years isn't enough to undo over a decade of conditioning.
Jungkook himself can't meet Taehyung's eyes. Everything he's saying is a lie and he can't shake the feeling that Taehyung will know it if he makes eye contact. He probably knows it already, but Jungkook doesn't want to see that knowledge on his face.
"I'll leave you alone," Jungkook says finally, telling the truth at last. "You won't even have to see me."
There's another long silence while he waits for Taehyung to answer, or shut the door in his face, or yell at him, or storm out. For an uncomfortably long time, he doesn't do anything, like he's waiting for Jungkook to say more, or trying to figure out what to say in response.
In the end, he says only, "Okay," and quietly, gently, shuts the door, leaving Jungkook alone on the other side of it, feeling strangely cold in the mid-summer evening.
#
Jungkook tries to keep his promises, he really does.
He leaves the apartment extra early (one benefit of Taehyung's sudden reappearance in his life is that it seems to have shocked his brain out of dreaming about him, as though at some level his mind recognizes that there's only so much he can endure) and comes home as late as feels is reasonable.
He stays out of the building's few common areas unless he absolutely needs them for some reason, and as he hurries between the door of his apartment and the street, he keeps his head down, just in case.
But maybe Taehyung is taking the same precautions, or the universe has it out for them, because they seem to run into each other all the time.
Jungkook doesn't think he's ever seen any of his neighbors this frequently, but it's like he can't avoid Taehyung at all.
They bump into each other as Jungkook is coming in for the night and Taehyung is heading out. Jungkook opens his door one morning to find Taehyung just happening by on his way down the stairs. They accidentally make eye contact from opposite ends of the hallway as they both turn a corner at the same time.
It isn't even limited to the building they share. They see each other at the corner store, walking along the street. Once Jungkook even sees Taehyung in the neighborhood where he has his studio, trying to buy flowers from a local at a little booth and struggling to speak in Italian.
He doesn't torment himself with the notion that Taehyung is seeking him out on purpose, because he looks as spooked as Jungkook feels every time it happens. He ducks his head and hurries away before Jungkook can even gather himself enough to do the same.
And it hurts. It hurts almost more than anything Jungkook has ever had to endure, almost more than those first few days without Taehyung had hurt, and Jungkook has long considered those days to be the worst of his life, by far.
But if he had thought that missing Taehyung from various points across the globe had been painful, it's nothing compared to the way it feels to be so close to him, to catch glimpses of him, and not be able to do anything about it.
After three days, he cries in the shower until the water runs cold.
After five, he starts considering trying to find a new place to live.
When it's been a week, he calls Jimin (who never did respond to his text) with every intention of leaving a very nasty voicemail, only to feel his throat closing up as the phone rings. He hangs up without saying anything at all.
Having failed his attempt at yelling at his best friend for putting him through this, Jungkook finds it impossible to fall asleep.
It had been an especially warm day, and a still one. The result is that his apartment, usually so good at cooling itself with only the breeze from outside, is unpleasantly warm, making his skin feel sticky. It makes him want to shower again, if only to cool off, but showers have not been kind to him lately, leaving him with too much time in his own head.
He remembers that he hasn't done laundry in nearly two weeks, since he'd meant to do it on the day Taehyung arrived but then, of course, he had been thrown off his usual schedule.
After that, he'd wanted to avoid the common spaces, including the laundry room downstairs, to make good on his promise to Taehyung, and to try to spare his heart any further bruising.
With a glance at his phone, he sees that it's two in the morning. Not exactly primetime for doing laundry.
He gets out of bed and gathers up the clothes he's been too wrapped up in his head to deal with properly all week, stuffing them into his hamper and then leaving the apartment to head downstairs.
The building isn't exactly an apartment building, more like a converted old house, so there are only a handful of apartments, and usually Jungkook doesn't run into anyone in the laundry room unless it's the middle of the afternoon or early evening.
Propping his hamper on his hip, he kicks the door open and steps inside. When he looks up, he sees Taehyung staring at him with those wide eyes, clearly startled.
They both stop, paused where they stand, as their eyes meet from across the small room.
Jungkook feels compressed, tucked away out of sight in this tiny corner of the universe, pressed down by the weight of the world into a hard kernel of desperate sadness and loneliness.
Taehyung looks so soft , so alone and fragile as he stands there under the fluorescent light in his oversized clothes, and Jungkook just -- he just cracks.
He doesn't know what he's doing, only knows that he can't stomach another moment of whatever he's been doing. He drops his hamper on the floor, not caring about the clothes that spill out of it, and he crosses the small room in three long steps.
Taehyung watches him come, doesn't say a word, doesn't move to stop him, which is good because Jungkook doesn't know if he has it in him to stop. Not before he gets there.
Not before he reaches Taehyung and wraps his arms around him, pulling their bodies tightly together and burying his face in Taehyung's shoulder.
When he feels Taehyung's hands hesitantly, tentatively, rest on Jungkook's back, and then wind around him to cling just as tightly, he feels the tears start to leak out of him and into Taehyung's shirt. He doesn't try to stop them.
Notes:
Writing this chapter was strangely satisfying - I hope it was satisfying to read too! If you're enjoying the story so far and want to let me know, I'd be so happy and grateful.
Thank you for reading!
Chapter 3
Summary:
Jungkook doesn't know how long he and Taehyung stay like this, locked in each other's arms. He thinks it's a while. He thinks maybe he isn't the only one crying, but it's hard to tell.
Neither of them say anything, neither of them move. They just stand and clutch each other, Jungkook's arms around Taehyung's shoulders, Taehyung's around his waist.
Notes:
Hello and welcome back for chapter three! This is a bit of a long one, so I hope you enjoy it - it was really fun to write!
Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading and supporting this story so far!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jungkook doesn't know how long he and Taehyung stay like this, locked in each other's arms. He thinks it's a while. He thinks maybe he isn't the only one crying, but it's hard to tell.
Neither of them say anything, neither of them move. They just stand and clutch each other, Jungkook's arms around Taehyung's shoulders, Taehyung's around his waist.
He has no desire to pull away, no part of him that wants to let go, and he indulges himself for as long as he can ignore the fact that he's probably hurting Taehyung from how hard he's holding onto him, squeezing him as though he could take Taehyung into himself if he grips tightly enough.
His stomach swoops at the thought and he realizes that he does need to let go before he gets carried away.
With a sniffle and a shaky exhale, he loosens his hold on Taehyung for the first time in what must be at least several minutes. Longer than he ever imagined he would have again, and not nearly long enough.
He finds he has to break the process into small steps in order to enact them. First, loosen his grip. Second, he takes a step back, but doesn't break contact, keeping his hands on Taehyung's shoulders. Only when he's finally dropped his hands back to his own sides does he dare open his eyes.
What he sees almost has him stepping into Taehyung’s space all over again. Everything blank and unreadable is gone from his face, and instead it's like he's visibly feeling a hundred emotions at the same time. His brow is furrowed, jaw tense, lips parted, eyes watery, all at once. He looks like he's in pain, and Jungkook knows he's the cause of it but there's nothing he wants more in the world than to soothe it somehow.
It's impossible to ignore the fact that Taehyung has been crying just as Jungkook has. Tears are caught, sparkling, in his long lashes, and their tracks show on his face. He's got damp patches on his shirt, not just on the shoulder where Jungkook's own tears had fallen, but on his front too.
Before he realizes he's doing it, Jungkook raises a hand and reaches, as though he could brush the pad of his thumb beneath Taehyung's eyes to clear the tears away. He drops his hand before it can make contact.
Taehyung is just standing there looking at him, looking lost, confused. Jungkook may be the one who cracked, but Taehyung seems even more shaken by it than Jungkook feels.
His eyes are wide and fixed on Jungkook like he doesn't know what he's going to do next. When Jungkook takes another step back, trying to give Taehyung some room to breathe, Taehyung's bottom lip trembles.
Jungkook thinks his heart might actually seize in his chest for a moment.
"I'm sorry," Jungkook says. His voice sounds destroyed. He sniffs and brushes at his nose with the knuckle of his tattooed hand, and he watches Taehyung watch the movement. He never got the V covered up, and he suspects that's what Taehyung is noticing now. His face flushes. "I shouldn't have grabbed you like that."
It's absurd, actually, that he did that. He can't imagine what had gotten into him – except that's not true at all. The fact is that he's had to fight himself back from grabbing Taehyung and never letting go again since the first moment he saw him a week ago.
"It's okay," Taehyung says. His voice doesn't sound any better than Jungkook's, deep and scraping from his throat like all it really wants to be doing is to keep crying. For the first time, he laughs, just a little bit, and it isn't the bitter, broken laugh from before. "I'm just glad it was you who finally did it. I was getting close."
Miraculously, Jungkook finds himself smiling back. Maybe it's his body's natural response to seeing Taehyung smile. Maybe it would be anyone's.
It feels good. It loosens something inside him, and with the slightly less tense atmosphere in the small, warm room, he feels like maybe he can talk about what he's been carrying over the last few days.
"I don't want to do this anymore," he says. The expression on Taehyung's face flickers, uncertain, so Jungkook hurries to add, "Pretending we don't see each other. Not talking. It's –"
"Bad," Taehyung says.
"Really bad."
They meet each other's eyes, and it's clear that neither of them know where to go from here. Maybe that doesn't matter, because Jungkook is pretty sure that he could stand right here and gaze into Taehyung's dark eyes for the rest of his life and be happy doing it. Maybe they never have to leave this spot again.
Except Taehyung looks exhausted. His face has lost some of its usual luster, despite the summer sun outside, and the tender flesh beneath his eyes looks fragile, like it would bruise if Jungkook so much as brushed it. He stands with a slump to his shoulders.
Jungkook should really let him go, let him sleep, but the thought of walking away now, with the wall between them finally broken down, has him almost panicking. He knows he can't keep Taehyung here forever, not really, but he can't let him go without something more, something to prove to himself that this ever happened at all.
The silence stretches long enough to become awkward and Jungkook says the first thing that comes to mind.
"How are you liking Positano?" He bites his lip, feeling like an idiot, but the question seems to relieve Taehyung somewhat.
"It's a little touristy," he says.
Jungkook doesn't know if he means it as an in for Jungkook to grab, but he'll take it. He nods. "It can be that way," he agrees. "But, you know, I've been here for a while now. I can show you around a little, if you want. All the good, non-touristy places."
"I would like that, Jungkook-ssi," Taehyung says, his voice soft soft soft.
It isn't clear if he means the name as a gentle callback to years earlier, or if it's meant to put some distance between them, but it causes a pang in Jungkook's chest either way.
At least he's agreeing – agreeing to see Jungkook again, agreeing to let Jungkook show him around, help him to see the best of what this place has to offer.
Jungkook has to control his face so he doesn't beam. He's already revealed so much of himself, and he isn't sure his heart can take much more exposure.
"Okay," he says with a nod, like this seals the deal. Then it occurs to him that they haven't made any actual plans, and Taehyung could simply disappear on him again, and the panicky feeling comes back. "Are you busy tomorrow?"
Taehyung's eyes haven't left Jungkook's face since he first stepped back, watching him closely as though he can still read every hint of emotion in Jungkook's expression. Jungkook hopes he can't, hopes he can't see the way his heart is beating hard in the cage of his ribs as he anxiously waits for Taehyung's answer.
After what feels like an unnecessarily long pause for Taehyung to remember whether he has plans, he says, "No, I'm not busy tomorrow."
Jungkook nods again. He forces himself to project a confidence that he doesn't feel, calling on years of experience performing and hiding his true thoughts and feelings. "Tomorrow then," he says. "I'll come by your place."
He's afraid that if he leaves it up to Taehyung, Taehyung will realize that this is a mistake and never show up. He doesn't even care if his reasoning is transparent. All that matters is that they don’t go back to the way things were before.
"Okay," Taehyung says again.
"Be ready early," Jungkook adds, not feeling any more confident, but getting bolder with how agreeable Taehyung is being.
It makes Taehyung smile again, which lights something up in Jungkook like it makes the world itself brighter.
"Okay."
#
When Jungkook returns to his apartment a few minutes later, he finds himself smiling at nothing. His room is as warm as ever, so he strips out of his clothes and throws himself down onto the bed, on top of the covers.
He half-thinks he won't be able to sleep at all for the rest of the night, too wound-up after actually speaking to Taehyung for the first time in so many years – and not just speaking to him, hugging him, holding him, feeling their bodies pressed together for the first time in so long.
It's like all the tension he's been holding for the last week has been drained out of him. He relaxes into the bed feeling lighter than he has in days. He doesn't look too closely at the feeling, just lets it help him float away, and within a few minutes, he's fast asleep.
#
Despite his late night, Jungkook wakes up early. He comes awake immediately, no grogginess at all, as though his mind has just been waiting until it's time to get ready for the day.
It doesn't take any time for him to remember the night before, running into Taehyung in the laundry room, finally breaking down and crying in his arms, holding Taehyung against him. It doesn't take him any time to remember that he's going to see Taehyung again today.
He'd said to be ready early. Maybe he'll be able to see Taehyung as soon as he himself is ready. That thought is enough to get him springing up out of bed. He doesn't even remake it, but heads straight for the shower.
He showers more thoroughly than he typically does in the mornings, since he usually goes straight to work at the studio and would shower again after if he wanted to go out.
Once he's done, he lets himself debate what to wear as he hadn't allowed himself before.
This is different. Today he's not just potentially going to run into Taehyung. Today he's spending time with him. He wants to look good.
He spends a slightly embarrassing twenty minutes picking through his almost entirely black wardrobe before settling on what is essentially a pair of expensive joggers and another oversized t-shirt – but a nice one, he tells himself.
Then he spends a much more embarrassing twenty minutes in front of the mirror trying to make sure his hair looks decent. He's self-conscious about it in a way he hasn't been, not just since coming to Positano, but since he stopped touring.
Finally, he decides that he looks as good as he's going to look. He generally feels pretty confident, never stresses about his looks or his body when he goes out dancing or anything like that. Sure, he's not twenty-four anymore, but he knows he's hot.
With Taehyung, it's different. Will Taehyung be imagining the Jungkook of five years ago? Even earlier than that? Will he be thinking of the Jungkook he fell in love with so long ago?
There's no way to know. All he can do is face the uncertainty, so he forces himself to head for the door, grabbing his phone, wallet, and keys as he moves across the apartment.
He chews on his lip as he steps out into the hallway, knowing that there's still a chance, even after everything that happened the night before, that Taehyung won't answer the door. He approaches it with a messy swirl of emotions in his belly, anxiety and excitement, a dash of fear that their mutual breakdown in the laundry room was just a fluke, brought on by the heat and the late hour, and Taehyung has come to his senses, realized that there's nothing he wants less than to spend time with Jungkook.
No way is Jungkook going to back down now though. If there's even the smallest chance that Taehyung might want to talk with him, see the town with him, then Jungkook is going to show up. And if Taehyung does still want Jungkook to show him around, then Jungkook is going to offer up the best of everything he knows on a silver platter and feel grateful for the opportunity.
He knocks on Taehyung's door, and this time he barely waits two seconds before the door swings open to reveal a glowing Taehyung waiting on the other side.
It's impossible to tell how much effort he may have put into his own appearance, because Taehyung looks gorgeous no matter what, but it's clear that he thought about his outfit, styled his hair.
He's wearing a pair of light-colored, gauzy pants that suit the vibe of Positano and the hot summer air equally. For a shirt, he's chosen a loose-fitting button-down with a bold pattern all in neutral colors – Louis Vuitton, if Jungkook had to guess. His hair is brushed back away from his face, swept up into a handsome arch, the way Jungkook has always liked it.
His stomach flips at the thought that maybe Taehyung did it for him. Or maybe he's forgotten that Jungkook could never tear his eyes away from Taehyung when he did his hair this way. Maybe he hasn't thought that much about it at all. Still, it's clear that he's thought about how to present himself, and it gives the day an even greater sense of gravity than it already had.
"Hi," Taehyung says, greeting Jungkook with a smile – not the giant, boxy smile he remembers, but he'll take it.
"Hi," he says.
For a moment, they only look at each other, taking each other in. Jungkook can't know that Taehyung's motivations for looking at him are the same as his own, but he can hope.
Once they've both indulged themselves, Taehyung speaks.
"So where are you taking me, Jungkook-ssi?" he says. There's something warm and playful about his voice – Jungkook isn't imagining it; he knows he’s not.
Jungkook bends forward into a bow, holding his hands out in a gesture meant to usher Taehyung out into the hall. "I thought today we could go shopping, Taehyung-ssi," he says.
Taehyung follows the prompt and comes into the hallway, shutting and locking the door behind him. "Shopping?" he asks.
Jungkook straightens and nods. Gravely, he says, "The shopping here is very good."
Taehyung laughs. If Jungkook indulges himself, he might even say that Taehyung giggles. In any case, he seems to like the idea, which is good.
Positano is a pretty little place, but it's true that there are a lot of tourists, especially in the summer. There's plenty that doesn't pander to them, but with only about four thousand permanent residents, you really have to search for the hidden gems.
"Good thing I have you to show me around then," he says, expression all sweet innocence, playing his role perfectly.
Jungkook blushes. Thirty years old and blushing, he thinks, chagrined. Kim Taehyung is and always has been entirely too powerful. Judging by the way he ducks his head to hide a smile, he knows it too.
Jungkook turns on one hefty boot, resisting the urge to grab Taehyung's hand. Is it instinct, or memory, or just desire that has him nearly reaching for it before he catches himself?
They keep up the little skit as they get outside, Taehyung matching his pace to Jungkook's so they walk side-by-side.
Jungkook had discarded the idea of taking the moped before even getting out of the shower that morning. He tells himself he decided against it because it's a beautiful day and there's no reason they can't walk, not because he's embarrassed to drive it – and definitely not because the thought of having Taehyung pressed up close behind him makes his brain short circuit every time he imagines it.
Now that he has Taehyung back in his life – something that might be a dream, might be a miracle – he wouldn’t want his horny thoughts to kill them both immediately when he inevitably gets distracted and crashes.
But he can't think about any of that right now.
Right now all he can let himself think about is Taehyung, standing right beside him in the Italian sun, looking like the sun himself, he's that brilliant.
Sure, maybe Jungkook is just a lovesick fool, maybe he aches with longing every time he so much as glances at Taehyung's face, but he also couldn't be happier just to be talking to him, even just keeping up their silly game where he's Taehyung's hired tour guide.
He points out historical structures, making up increasingly absurd origin stories about the buildings they pass because Positano is beautiful but Jungkook has never been a history buff.
Taehyung laughs easily at all of his jokes, asks follow-up questions to his stories, melts into warm smiles when Jungkook pouts his way through explanations.
It feels – fuck, it feels good. It feels so good, just to be near him, laughing with him, even if they aren't talking about anything real.
As they walk, they keep careful track of their proximity to one another, making sure they never touch. Jungkook knows Taehyung is paying attention to it too, because Taehyung isn't the type to stringently avoid touching anyone, and he maintains a courteous few centimeters of space between them, at least, at all times.
Jungkook knows why he himself is doing it: because he's afraid if he touches Taehyung again, this time he won't be able to stop.
He tries not to think about why Taehyung is doing it, tries to pretend it's just because of the heat (even though he knows such a thing would never have stopped Taehyung before). Otherwise, his heart will crack open like a fragile little egg and he'll be all gooey sadness, and Taehyung deserves better than that from his tour guide.
So he does his best to ignore the empty space rigidly maintained between their arms and instead puts more and more effort into his charade as resident Positano expert.
By the time they reach the first little shop he wants to show Taehyung, Taehyung himself is fully enmeshed in his role, asking clarifying questions about Jungkook's made-up nonsense, turning his too-wide eyes on Jungkook as he listens, making exaggerated exclamations at all the right moments.
It's sort of – easy, almost, to fall back into playing with him.
Jungkook supposes that before anything else, they had always been able to play together. Although, in another way, he isn't quite sure there ever was a time before anything else. When he thinks back, he can't remember a time when he had Taehyung in his life and didn’t love him. It's simply a side effect of knowing him.
The first shop Jungkook brings Taehyung to is a clothing boutique that spills out of the doorway and onto the sidewalk.
Arches of barely-sanded wood that look like they've just been taken down off of trees add structure to the outside space, and a canopy of leafy vines protect the wares and patrons from the sun.
The clothes are all in white and black and shades of beige, meant to fit loose – elegant. Most of them are clearly intended to be worn by women, but Jungkook knows that won't stop Taehyung if he sees something he likes.
Sure enough, as soon as he realizes the shop is where they're stopping, he says, "Ooh!" and moves away from Jungkook for the first time to check it out.
Jungkook makes a show of poking around through the racks, but he isn't looking at any of the clothes. His eyes are on Taehyung the entire time, watching as his face scrunches in consideration, lips part when he sees something he admires, tongue poking out when he tries to choose between two different options.
It means he never misses a single time that Taehyung looks up from the clothes to glance at Jungkook. He doesn't even care that Taehyung must realize Jungkook is staring.
And it means he sees it when someone across the street recognizes Taehyung and heads straight for him.
Jungkook tenses, takes a step forward like he's going to – what? Step in? Block Taehyung from sight, tell the woman to leave him alone? He has no right to do any of that, he realizes, so he fades back among the racks, but he keeps his eyes on her, just in case.
She approaches Taehyung slowly, from in front of him, so he sees her coming in plenty of time to try to avoid her if he wants to. Jungkook doesn't know why his anxiety spikes at the sight of a stranger getting close to him, specifically someone who recognizes him, but it's clearly some latent protective instinct.
It isn't that he doesn't want anyone talking to him or even touching him – Taehyung has already been bumped into once, asked the store manager a question in adorably faltering Italian. It's something about the fact that to this woman, Taehyung isn't just a beautiful stranger on the street in Positano, he's Kim Taehyung .
It ends up being fine, of course.
Jungkook watches from what he hopes is a respectful distance as the woman greets Taehyung in English, but with a little bow and a big smile. Taehyung returns her smile and greets her in Italian.
She does her best, in a mix of English, Italian, and Korean, to tell him that she loves his work, especially his most recent movie, which she thought was beautiful. Taehyung nods and thanks her, and then poses for a selfie. The woman bows again and walks away with a skip in her step, already making a phone call before she's even turned the corner.
The tightness in Jungkook's chest loosens, and as if he can sense Jungkook's distress from across the distance between them, Taehyung looks up and meets his eyes, expression unreadable as ever.
Jungkook draws in a breath and makes his way over. He hopes his barely-dispersed nerves don't show too clearly on his face, though judging by the way Taehyung is all but smirking at him, he doubts he's that lucky.
"We should probably wrap up," Jungkook says. "She didn't wait long to call someone."
Taehyung understands immediately and nods. He's got a few selections draped over his arm and heads inside to pay.
As they wander away a few minutes later, Taehyung has two bags over his arm and a little bounce in his step. Jungkook has to fight the urge to offer to carry his bags.
He leads Taehyung around a few corners, putting some distance between them and the spot where he'd been recognized to try to make sure he doesn't end up getting mobbed by the woman's friends, and then all of their friends.
He knows Taehyung can take care of himself, and that the odds of being overrun in this little corner of the world are slim, but it feels important and he doesn't question it.
The next shop is another clothing boutique, but that's where its similarities to the first store end. This one is all bright colors and over-the-top patterns, and Taehyung lets out a delighted laugh at the sight of it.
He doesn't look through the clothes for as long, but he smiles the whole time, and it's worth the trip just to see the look on his face. They leave a little while later, one obnoxiously bright sunhat richer for their time.
Then they explore a few ceramics shops, and Jungkook tells Taehyung that he can't come to Positano without at least looking at the artisan sandals.
Jungkook gets to spend nearly half an hour watching Taehyung express his unselfconscious fascination with the craftsmanship, stumbling through what seems to be every word of Italian he knows in order to express his admiration to the shop's owner.
Jungkook's eyes sting from watching him and he scolds himself for being so humiliatingly soft, but he can't even really be annoyed with himself for it when two weeks ago he'd thought he may never see Taehyung again, let alone get to be present to witness his unabashed awe of the world.
A little after midday, most of the less tourist-focused shops are closing for riposo and Jungkook is hungry enough to eat a whole pig on his own, so he asks Taehyung – back in his tour guide persona, to distance himself from the implications – if he'll accompany him for lunch.
Taehyung, thirty-two years old and still a child, grins and bows and tells Jungkook he would be delighted.
So Jungkook brings him to his favorite little place to eat when he bothers to go out instead of just making packet ramen or cup noodles in his apartment.
He doesn't tell Taehyung that he doesn't cook much for himself anymore. He'd gotten out of the habit while touring, and with only himself to eat the food, it never seems worth it. The mood of the day is light, easy – fun – and he doesn't want to spoil it, so he keeps those thoughts to himself and instead tells Taehyung that this place has some of the best food he's found in Positano.
More than that, it's a perfect little hideaway, tucked into a private corner. Taehyung's whole face lights up when they reach it.
It's tiny, not much more than a hole in the wall, with just a couple tables inside and then an even smaller space out back with another couple of tables squeezed into a garden that's half perennial flowers and half herbs that they use in the kitchen.
Taehyung looks at Jungkook with his excited eyes and Jungkook asks in his only slightly better Italian if they can be seated outside, silently thrilling at the fact that he read Taehyung's expression as easily as he would have a decade earlier, almost like no time has passed at all.
There's only one other pair of people at the restaurant and they're sitting inside, so when Jungkook and Taehyung are led out into the garden and brought to their table, they're the only ones there.
The space is fenced in, with crawling vines growing over the fencing, and an arbor overhead which is similarly decked out in bright, leafy green and huge pink flowers. It gives the garden the sense that it's completely private, cut off from not only the world but time itself.
It's only once they're seated across from each other at the small table that Jungkook realizes how romantic a setting it is. His face warms, but he thinks maybe if he doesn't mention it, Taehyung won't notice.
They take a few minutes to look over the menu, Jungkook recommending his favorite dishes, or at least the ones he thinks Taehyung might like. He leaves anything spicy out of his list of options, and skips over the less common seafoods too.
"And you have to try the limoncello," he adds. "They make it with local lemons, and it's really nice – oh."
He realizes that he doesn't even know if Taehyung still drinks. It occurs to him that something like that can change in five years. "Unless you don't drink anymore?" He feels nervous, suddenly, like he may have put his foot in his mouth, but Taehyung only smiles that warm smile at him.
"It sounds good," he says. "I'll try it."
Jungkook nods, pleased that Taehyung is accepting his suggestions. Something gnaws at the back of his mind, though, something it takes him a moment to place.
It's been such a lovely day, unexpectedly so. Taehyung has gone along with everything Jungkook has wanted or asked of him. He's given Jungkook everything he wants – but does he really want any of this himself? He hasn't argued against anything Jungkook has said, even orders the meal and drink Jungkook recommends for him.
His stomach twists with nerves as he wonders if Taehyung is only indulging him. At the same time, he doesn't want this to end. He doesn't mention it.
Their drinks come first, little glasses of the light, refreshing limoncello along with a frosty pitcher of ice water. Taehyung picks up the pitcher and pours water for both of them before Jungkook has the chance.
Then they're alone in the garden again, and despite the flowers all around them, the beauty of the scene, Jungkook can't look away from Taehyung.
It feels so impossible that he can really be here. Jungkook has always been an emotional person more than a sentimental one, but despite Jimin's meddling, there's something so weighted to Taehyung's presence, his reappearance in Jungkook's life so far from home, far from anything to do with their history.
"I still can't believe you're here," he admits, because he figures they have to talk eventually, if they're going to be spending any time together at all, and beneath a leafy canopy, tucked away in a private garden, is probably the best place for it.
Taehyung sits back in his chair and picks up his water, cradling it in front of him like he can hide behind the glass. He watches Jungkook for a moment without answering.
There's something different about him.
Well, of course there must be lots that's different about him, after five years, after everything. He's more reserved than ever, not just better at hiding his thoughts, but more invested in it. There's a wariness in him that Jungkook has never seen before outside of a professional setting.
He's protecting himself, Jungkook realizes with a painful twinge in his chest. Protecting himself from Jungkook.
Still, after a long, quiet moment, he does answer. He says, "I told Jimin I was feeling tired. He said I should take a vacation."
"In Positano," Jungkook says.
"Yes."
"Do you regret coming?" The words are out before Jungkook can think better of them.
Again, Taehyung takes a moment to think through his answer. "I don't know yet," he says.
It hurts, and somehow it's also a relief. Jungkook isn't sure he would trust it if Taehyung had said no, that he's happy to be here, happy Jungkook is here too. He may be going along with everything Jungkook suggests, but at least he isn't lying to him. That's good. It's enough for now.
"Tell me about your life," Jungkook says, granting them both a redirection of the conversation.
Suddenly, he desperately wants to know. For years, he hasn't let anyone so much as mention Taehyung's name. He doesn't know anything beyond the roles he's chosen for dramas and movies.
Taehyung doesn't have a ring on his finger, at least, but that hardly means anything really. And now that he's here, looking as handsome in the shade as he does in the sun, Jungkook feels like he's dying of thirst for knowledge of who he is now, where he's been, what he's done.
Even if it hurts to hear, he has to know.
Taehyung is looking at him with that blank expression, though, like he doesn't really understand what Jungkook is asking him, and it hardly seems fair to ask Taehyung to reveal his entire life without anything in return.
Jungkook says, unable to meet his eyes, "I don't really let the hyungs talk about you, so I – I don't know much about what's been going on. With you."
He glances up quickly and meets Taehyung's eyes, just for a second, maybe even less, but it's enough to see the blank expression turn somber. Then Taehyung nods.
"There's not much to say," he starts. He's not looking at Jungkook anymore, focused instead on the stem of his water glass, playing with the tip of his finger in the condensation. "I've been acting mostly. Doing some modeling sometimes between shoots. There's a lot of – I travel a lot. I don't get to see anyone much, but we video call."
Jungkook wants to ask if he's seeing anyone but can't think of a way to do it that isn't simultaneously inappropriate and offensively obvious. Even if he tries to mean it innocently, there's too much still unspoken for that to be one of the first questions he asks.
As though he can feel the question in the air, though, the next thing Taehyung says is, "It gets lonely. I'm by myself a lot. I think," he pauses to find the words, "it's that and the jet lag that make me feel so tired."
Jungkook nods, trying to take it in, the image of Taehyung traveling all over the world for projects and press, waking up in hotel rooms alone, flying in private jets with no one but staff to keep him company.
It's not that it doesn't fit with his image of Taehyung, but more that it's only one piece of him. Where is the Taehyung who flourishes in a group? The Taehyung who brings people together, the sun to their flowers, everyone looking to him?
The sadness he feels picturing Taehyung alone like that, with no one to stay up all night playing games with, no one to listen to him ask questions about the world and try to make sense of what it is that he wants to know – it sits heavy inside him, and before he knows it, he's offering up another piece of himself.
"I watch your movies," he says.
Taehyung's eyes flit up to his face. "Really?" he asks. He seems genuinely surprised.
"Really," Jungkook says, hoping his sharp little nod makes it seem more casual than it is. It's one thing for Taehyung to know he's seen them. He doesn't need to know he cries every time, no matter the genre, or that he’s never gotten through a single one without feeling like he might throw up, or that he only ever watches them alone in his apartment.
Taehyung bites his bottom lip, like he's debating whether to say something, or maybe trying not to. After a moment, he says, "I went to a few of your concerts."
"What?" Jungkook feels his eyes go wide, but he's not just surprised – he's shocked. "Are you serious?"
He doesn't think Taehyung would joke about that, not in this context, but the idea that Taehyung could have been at any of his concerts and Jungkook never knew feels as impossible as his presence here in Positano does.
Taehyung nods. "I never told anyone I was there. I only went when I happened to be in the area." He grins a little, a small, private thing that makes Jungkook's insides feel tender as a bruise. "Well," he says, "and that one time I flew to LA from New York."
Embarrassingly, tears spring to Jungkook's eyes. He closes them to keep them locked away. He swallows down the well of emotion that's growing bigger by the second. Taehyung saves him from trying to find some way to respond by continuing.
"Your music was really good, Jungkook-ssi. Why did you stop?"
Jungkook forces his eyes back open. His throat hurts from trying not to break down in the middle of lunch, so he takes a sip of water and then a deep breath, wresting himself back under control.
This, at least, is something he can talk about, far more easily than the idea of Taehyung secretly tucked out of sight at any of his concerts, not letting Jungkook or anyone know he'd even been there.
"Singing," he starts, and then finds that he needs to clear his throat to fight off residual emotion. "Singing just wasn't the same by myself," he says.
He's actually never considered how much his lack of interest in singing might have had to do with Taehyung, always attributed it more to the end of the group, the fact that no one had been counting on him to do it anymore.
Now that he thinks about it, though, he realizes it had always been more than that.
Sure, he had no longer needed to be the golden maknae of Bangtan, once it became clear that the group wouldn't be getting back together (his fault, he reminds himself, because he can't think about their indefinite hiatus turned permanent break without thinking about how it all came down to him).
He no longer had anyone relying on his singing, and that had freed him from the need to do it. But it wasn't just that.
It was that, without Taehyung there to sing with him at home, in all the little in-between moments of life, it simply hadn't been fun anymore.
Taehyung seems to understand, or at least he understands that Jungkook can't explain it any better than that right now, because he nods.
"I still loved dancing though," Jungkook adds, all of a sudden anxious to move on from the topic of singing. "And I wanted to challenge myself. I started doing choreography for other artists, music videos and stuff."
"I know," Taehyung says. It seems that maybe he doesn't keep the hyungs quite as stringently away from Jungkook as a topic of conversation as Jungkook does with him. "You're good at that too. Of course."
He's wearing that hint of a smile again, and it lifts some of the heavy ache in Jungkook's chest to see it, lightening his mood enough to say, "I can't believe you flew across an entire country to watch my show." To his credit, he manages to tamp down his emotion enough to sound teasing.
Taehyung takes the bait. "Yah!" he says, dipping his fingers into his water and flicking the drops at Jungkook's face, startling a laugh out of him. "It was just one country!" He's grinning outright now, and it's like a punch to the chest, in the best way.
"A really big country."
"It seemed reasonable at the time."
Jungkook snickers and wipes the cool water off his face. As he does, Taehyung tries his limoncello. He makes a face at first, nose and lips pinching, but then his expression smooths out.
"What do you think?" Jungkook asks, still laughing a little.
"It's good," Taehyung says. "Refreshing." He takes another sip, smacks his lips, and sighs. He could be seventeen again, Jungkook thinks.
"It's okay if you hate it," Jungkook says, endlessly endeared.
"I don't hate it," Taehyung argues, and then as though to prove it, he knocks the rest of the small drink back.
Jungkook shakes his head, and he knows he must look impossibly fond, but he can't bring himself to want to hide it.
"What else does Positano have to offer?" Taehyung asks, looking around at the garden. "Other than lemons?"
"Depends on what you're interested in," Jungkook says. "The beaches are crowded during the day, but at night or early in the morning, they're pretty quiet. During the week, traffic isn't as bad and it can be nice to drive around the coast. There's good dancing at night, if you know where to go."
"Do you know where to go?" Taehyung says, meeting Jungkook's eyes.
Jungkook doesn't look away. "I do."
"Will you show me, Jungkook?"
"Yeah, Tae," Jungkook says. "I'll show you."
Notes:
Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed getting to see Taehyung and Jungkook reconnecting and getting to know each other again!
Chapter four will be out Wednesday!
Chapter 4
Summary:
Over the next couple of days, Jungkook doesn't even think about work as he shows Taehyung around Positano.
They spend an afternoon on the beachfront, because despite the overwhelming number of tourists, Jungkook insists that Taehyung needs to experience it in order to get the full sense of Positano. They pay way too much money for a pizza to share, only to take so long eating it because they're talking so much that they end up buying a second one and eating that too.
Notes:
Some content notes for chapter four: there is some light alcohol use in this one, just so you're aware!
This chapter was super fun to write, so I really hope you enjoy it!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Over the next couple of days, Jungkook doesn't even think about work as he shows Taehyung around Positano.
They spend an afternoon on the beachfront, because despite the overwhelming number of tourists, Jungkook insists that Taehyung needs to experience it in order to get the full sense of Positano. They pay way too much money for a pizza to share, only to take so long eating it because they're talking so much that they end up buying a second one and eating that too.
Talking to Taehyung again feels amazing. That is, it feels devastating, and emotionally exhausting, but also natural and easy and good in so many ways.
There are moments when the conversation stalls, when they simply look at each other and neither of them seems to know how to put everything that could be said into words. But then there are moments where the conversation flows easily, as though they never stopped talking to each other at all.
Occasionally, Jungkook has to fight back tears, sometimes because of something Taehyung says, sometimes just because he's overcome with emotion merely at the fact that he's hearing Taehyung speak in the first place, at least outside of a film script.
After a day or so, he does finally hear back from Jimin, a single text that reads, Soooo??????
He knows he's being ungracious, but he doesn't reply right away. Part of him is still annoyed. As glad as he is to be reconnecting with Taehyung in this way, or at all, he's still angry that Jimin put them both in this situation without talking to them.
He ignores the text for an entire day before he gets a message from Namjoon that says only, Text Jimin .
Jungkook sighs when he sees it. He's thirty years old and hasn't truly been a member of BTS for six years, but Namjoon is and always has been his leader, and even now he finds he can't ignore a direct instruction from him.
So he texts Jimin. He says only, I'm still mad at you , but judging by the string of smug emojis he gets back, he figures that's good enough for now.
He suspects that Taehyung is being more forthcoming with the hyungs than Jungkook is -- it sounds like maybe he always has been, which makes Jungkook's heart feel like a crumpled up bit of scrap paper -- but Jungkook doesn't ask about it.
On their third day out in a row, walking along the beachfront with a pair of ice cream cones, always carefully, carefully maintaining the gap of empty space between them, Taehyung says, "You mentioned dancing. The other day, I mean. You said there's good dancing here."
And so that's how Jungkook finds himself pacing around his apartment, washed a glowing gold by the setting sun through his fine white curtains, biting his lip and desperately digging through every article of clothing he'd brought with him to Positano. He's a little desperate, and he needs help.
He thinks about calling Jimin, now that he's technically done freezing him out, but he really is still angry, and hurt (and grateful) and he's not sure he's ready to see Jimin's smug face anyway.
Then he thinks of Yoongi, who would be calm and no-nonsense, which is appealing, but he's not quite sure he's ready to hear what Yoongi will have to say either. Besides, he won't be able to help with the real problem here, which is finding Jungkook something to wear. So he calls Hoseok on video and sighs in relief when he answers after the second ring.
"Hyung," he says, "I need help."
"Hm?" Hobi asks. "What is it, Jungkook-ah?"
"I'm going out and I don't have anything good to wear."
"What do you mean?" Hobi asks.
He answered on video, so Jungkook can see that he's sitting in his home studio, probably working on a new track, maybe for himself or maybe someone else's. He's doing more production work these days, Jungkook knows. He seems a little distracted, his phone clearly propped in front of him but his eyes on the monitor behind it.
"Just wear the same thing I picked out for you last time," he says. "It's all tourists there anyway, right? No one will know you're wearing the same outfit."
Jungkook stops his pacing, holding his phone up as he chews on his lip. "I can't," he says. "It's not good enough."
Hobi's brow furrows but he doesn't look away from what he's working on. Jungkook isn't sure he wants to say what he says next, but he does it to get Hobi's full attention, to make him understand the true gravity of the situation.
"I'm not going out alone," he says.
He knows that by now all the hyungs must be aware that Taehyung is here in Positano, probably even know that they've been spending time together.
Sure enough, Hobi finally looks directly at Jungkook through the phone. "Oh," he says. "You mean --"
Stomach churning with anxiety, Jungkook nods.
For a long moment, Hobi doesn't say anything, and Jungkook watches something complicated happen on his face, like he's trying very hard to hide all traces of emotion. It doesn't completely work, but it does make it impossible for Jungkook to tell what exactly the emotion is that he's trying to hide. Once he has it under control, whatever it is, he goes into business mode.
"I see," he says, with a little nod to himself. He crosses his arms on his desk and leans forward toward his phone. "Let's see what we're working with."
#
Forty-five minutes later, Jungkook is finally satisfied with his outfit. He'd been torn between going all out and seeming casual. Hobi helped him find the right balance -- a unique skill of his that Jungkook has always appreciated.
By the end of their video call, he's dressed in a pair of tight-fitting distressed black jeans, his favorite shoes that are halfway between combat boots and the most ferocious-looking sneakers known to man, and a loose black shirt that cost an embarrassing amount of money for the number of holes that have been artfully torn into it.
With his outfit settled, Hobi then had him style his hair so it's brushed back off of his face, just enough product in it to keep it in place but allow it to get a little messy once he starts dancing.
He'd raised an eyebrow at Hoseok when he gave him this precise instruction, but he'd only said, "Trust me," and so Jungkook did.
"Thank you so much, hyung," Jungkook says once he's finished making sure he looks just the right amount of put together -- the right amount being that he's clearly put in effort, but doesn't appear to have agonized over it.
"I owe you," he adds, thinking that it's doubly true: not only has Hobi taken nearly an hour out of his day to help Jungkook get dressed, but he's done it without mentioning the reason why, which is really more than Jungkook deserves.
Hobi shakes his head, waving Jungkook's thanks away. "Just," he says, and then pauses, like he's stopping himself from saying what he'd originally planned to say. "Just have a good time," he finishes.
#
A few minutes later, Jungkook is once more waiting outside Taehyung's door. He feels like his nerves being in this situation should have lessened somewhat, after three days of spending most of his time either preparing to see Taehyung, spending time with Taehyung, or waiting until it's time to start preparing to see Taehyung again, but he's as nervous as ever.
With good reason, as it turns out.
When Taehyung opens the door, Jungkook is pretty sure his jaw actually drops. Fortunately he gets himself together before he can start drooling, but it's close.
Taehyung is wearing a pair of black, wide-legged pants that make his legs look long and graceful, an image that's heightened by the ankle boots with just a hint of a heel. He's layered a simple black shirt under an open, silky top in a vibrant maroon color with a subtle pattern worked into the fabric. His hair is more in his face today, fluffy and soft, and Jungkook wonders if he's done it to keep himself more obscured, less likely to be recognized.
It hasn't been much of an issue around town, but a few more people have stopped him in the street or come to their table in restaurants. Some have even recognized Jungkook too, though that doesn't happen to him much anymore when he's alone.
He supposes it makes sense that Taehyung doesn't want to be recognized out at a club if he can help it, and the effect is nice. Pretty. He looks soft and alluring, a different kind of ethereal -- less god, more angel.
Jungkook tells himself for about the millionth time that day that people are going to be all over Taehyung at the club, and that he is just going to have to be okay with it.
He's not exactly sure he's going to be able to be okay with it.
Maybe he should have made time for that pep talk from Yoongi after all. Yoongi wouldn't sugarcoat it for him, and he thinks maybe he needs that right now.
"You look good," Taehyung says, and maybe it's Jungkook's imagination, but his voice sounds pitched a little low for a simple greeting.
"Thanks, I --" Jungkook pauses, not sure he wants to reveal how much he cares about this, and then he decides fuck it, Taehyung deserves to know. "I asked Hobi-hyung to help me figure out what to wear."
Taehyung smirks -- legitimately smirks -- and Jungkook is embarrassed but it's worth it to see him look so pleased.
Besides, he'd be lying if he tried to claim it isn't an expression he's missed seeing. It sends a warm little trickle of something he won't name running down through his belly.
"You look good too," he manages, even though "good" is a pitifully underperforming word in these circumstances. Somehow he doesn't think he can stomach telling Taehyung that he's still the world's most handsome man right now. "You ready?"
Taehyung nods and joins Jungkook in the hall. They take the now-familiar path from Taehyung's apartment to the street side-by-side, as usual, and turn the corner that will lead them away from the ocean, deeper into town.
It isn't a long walk, and Jungkook figures it's better not to drive there if there's any chance they'll be drinking. He doesn't plan to drink much, but he wants Taehyung to feel like he can if he wants to.
The walk is quiet. It had been another hot day, and even now that the sun has set, the air is heavy and warm around them.
Positano is awake and lively with locals stopping into corner stores on their way home from work and tourists already drunk and blundering between shops, the beach, and restaurants.
Jungkook feels a rising sense of anticipation, knowing it will feel good to release some of the tension in his body, excited to move again after so many days away from the studio, but also nervous, and strangely excited too – to see Taehyung do the same, knowing he's going to have to watch but not touch.
He's never felt more aware of the space they both keep between their bodies as they walk.
There's no line outside the club when they get to it, and Jungkook realizes that he's completely lost track of the days, doesn't have any idea what day of the week it is.
He pays the cover for both of them and they're ushered inside without the bouncer realizing they're anything more than just two average tourists visiting from away.
That's one of the nice things about a place like this. It's small but the population turns itself over so frequently that it has the same sort of anonymity as a big city. It's as easy to get lost in Positano as it is in Los Angeles, but with all the charm of a little old village on the coast.
Taehyung seems to appreciate it too, slinking along beside Jungkook into the club as nothing more than a visitor from South Korea -- if anyone here can even recognize that much, which frankly Jungkook doubts.
Despite the lack of a line outside, inside the club is busy, almost as busy as Jungkook has ever seen it.
It's not a large place, but the bar itself is well-stocked and manned by several bartenders to keep things moving. The dance floor is just the right size to have plenty of room for everyone who wants to use it, but only just big enough for them all to fit, forcing them to crowd each other, inviting them to pair up.
Jungkook leads Taehyung to the bar first, glances at him with a question in mind but doesn't voice it.
Taehyung nods like he can hear it anyway, which is good because the music is loud. Jungkook orders them each a whiskey with a splash of water in place of ice so they can down them in one, which they do. He gets a little lost in the movement of Taehyung's throat as he tips his head back to drink, but he thinks he acquits himself well overall.
He considers leaning in close to ask Taehyung if he wants another, but he chickens out and settles for pointing at the glass and nodding toward the bartender instead.
Taehyung shakes his head. "I'm going to dance," he yells to be heard over the music.
Jungkook nods and, not sure if it had been meant as an invitation, he stays behind to open a tab. He tells the bartender that anything the man in the maroon shirt orders should be put on his card, and then he turns around to face the floor, his eyes already seeking Taehyung again.
It's easy to spot him. He's only just arrived and already it's like he has command of the dance floor.
He's right in the center of it, dancing by himself, though Jungkook knows that won't last long. His arms are up over his head, eyes closed as he unselfconsciously sways his hips in a rhythm that doesn't quite match the beat but in a way that seems intentional, or at least that doesn't detract from the appeal of it. He finds his own pulse to the music, making it suit him, making it do what he likes.
It's at least as intoxicating as the whiskey warming Jungkook's blood.
Feeling a bit creepy standing off on the sidelines and watching, and getting itchy under the skin to let the beat of the music embrace him too, Jungkook pushes off from the bar and finds a space on the floor big enough for him to slip into.
He finds the flow of the song pumping through the massive speakers and filling the room as surely as the bodies do, and he allows himself to sink into it, the most natural thing in the world. He can't take his eyes off Taehyung though, won't even try.
He's able to lose himself in it for about the length of one song, letting his feet and hips and arms do whatever comes to them, surrendering his overdriven mind to let his body take over. He's aware of the other bodies around his, but for the moment, that's all they are: bodies.
The people inside them are distant even as the flesh and muscle of them is pressed right up against him.
He doesn't recognize the music, some house mix meant for dancing and nothing else, and his body finds the groove of it easily, like well-matched parts.
The room is somehow both dark and bright in the way of all clubs everywhere, a ubiquitous flashing of blue and purple lights that gives everyone the same cool undertones despite the heat of being packed into a small space with so many writhing people.
Jungkook lets it all wash over him and doesn't think a single thought for three glorious minutes, and they're a relief, but he snaps back into himself in an instant as he sees someone step into Taehyung's space where he's still dancing at the center of the throng.
It's a woman, which is some comfort, Jungkook notices. She doesn't seem to recognize him, doesn't seem to want anything from him other than a dance partner, and Taehyung indulges her, lets her wind her arms over his shoulders, though he doesn't touch her back.
From a distance of a couple yards, Jungkook watches the way they move in tandem, adapting to one another's styles despite the minimal physical contact.
Then the song switches over and the girl's friends come to collect her. With a shy smile, Taehyung takes her small wrists in his long fingers and brings her arms down off of his shoulders. Her friends lead her off and Taehyung keeps dancing, never missing a beat.
He's left alone for only a few seconds after that. It's like now that one brave soul has taken the plunge, and Taehyung has proven himself a willing partner, others are more daring.
The next person who approaches him is a man, and this time Jungkook feels his own body tense despite the liquid urge of the music.
The guy is big, built -- tall and broad. He doesn't look Italian, probably a tourist, but that doesn't do anything to assuage the simmer in Jungkook's belly which is fast becoming a rolling boil.
The man steps up to Taehyung's front, but while Taehyung doesn't move away, he does spin in a little circle so that he ends up in front of the man with the guy's chest to his back, which is good, because it means Jungkook can see Taehyung perfectly. It's also bad, because it means Jungkook can see Taehyung perfectly.
He watches. Of course he watches. He can't help himself.
The man doesn't waste any time putting his large hands on Taehyung's hips. Despite the blue light, Jungkook could swear his vision goes red for a moment, but even though parts of his mind are begging him to look away, he doesn't, can't.
Taehyung leans back into the man's chest, and without a thought in his head, Jungkook reaches out and draws the nearest body close to him. He almost laughs at himself for falling so easily back into old, bad habits, but it doesn't stop him, and it doesn't make him let go.
He needs this suddenly, the feeling of another person in his hands. He draws them back against him, and they seem amenable, leaning into him, letting him put his own hands on their hips exactly as the man is doing with Taehyung several feet away.
Then the man's hand inches forward, off of Taehyung's hip to instead splay across his lower belly, and Jungkook watches Taehyung's lips part as he leans his head back.
Before this moment, Jungkook would have believed it impossible to feel sick and turned on at the same time, but Taehyung has always been a master at making him feel a confusing mix of sensations.
Jungkook’s stomach turns as he watches the man paw at him, but he can't look away from the way Taehyung's hips are still swaying to the music, occasionally rocking back toward the man, though never going so far as to grind against him.
It's teasing, flirty rather than outright sexual, which might actually be worse, Jungkook thinks, both for himself and for the man dancing with Taehyung.
He grips the person in his own hands a little tighter, somehow finding comfort in their presence, the anonymous nature of it all, and wonders if he's going to have to watch Taehyung leave with someone else.
It's not like he's under any obligation to stay here with Jungkook. He's on vacation, has his own place to stay, can find his way back easily enough. The thought has Jungkook biting his lip, and he's sure that despite the way his hands are still gripping the stranger's hips, moving their bodies against each other, he probably looks nothing short of anguished.
It's then that Taehyung opens his eyes and looks right at Jungkook, their gazes locking in an instant, as though even with his eyes closed, he'd always been aware of exactly where Jungkook had been.
A chill races down Jungkook's spine at the same moment that a drop of molten heat drops through him.
Their eyes stay on each other for the rest of the song.
Once it changes over, Taehyung leans up and back against the man holding him to press a light kiss to his cheek. Then he extracts himself from the man's grip and slips easily in to dance with someone nearby, moving maybe a foot or so in Jungkook's direction to do it.
Jungkook's stomach jumps. It isn't safe to assume that the move has anything to do with him, but he mirrors it nevertheless, stepping away from his partner from the last song to instead move in behind someone new.
It's a man probably about his own age -- as is the partner Taehyung has chosen -- who turns to see who entered his space and then grins when he sees Jungkook, pleased. It's rude but Jungkook doesn't spare him a glance, not because he's against it so much as because he simply can't tear his eyes away from Taehyung long enough.
This song is faster than the last one, which is a blessing and a curse. Taehyung laughs with the stranger he's chosen, someone smaller than him, shorter and not as broad.
He dances with this one face-to-face, his arms over the guy's shoulders. Taehyung takes his hand and spins him out across the floor, the press of bodies seeming to make room just to obey his whims.
Despite the jealousy forming a hard pit inside him, Jungkook finds that he's smiling, and then laughing, watching Taehyung have fun.
Even if he isn't the cause of it, it's nice to see Taehyung enjoying himself. He tries to embrace some of that himself, pours himself into the dance with his partner, and it sort of works even if he can't bring himself to stop watching Taehyung even for a moment. It still feels good to dance.
The song ends, and Taehyung does the same thing. He presses a little kiss to the top of his partner's head and then swerves away, stepping lightly into someone else's space, someone else's arms, just that much closer to Jungkook.
So Jungkook follows suit, taking the hand of an older woman who beams at him and leans in close.
This new song is slower again, sensual, with a heavy beat, and Taehyung fully embraces it. He's chosen another male partner, which Jungkook notices with more than a drop of ire.
He wonders if Taehyung is doing it just to get under his skin, then he tells himself that that's stupid, that Taehyung is just choosing people he thinks are attractive and Jungkook's being an asshole.
Then Taehyung meets his eyes again as he slowly and deliberately rolls his hips back against the man he's chosen to dance with and Jungkook is doubting himself all over again.
This is torture, he thinks. Taehyung is deliberately torturing him. And he minds. He minds a lot.
He knows he's not fooling Taehyung, but he decides that two can play at this game anyway. He drags his hands up to his dance partner's waist, bracketing them around her. Without breaking eye contact with Taehyung, he lowers his head to press a kiss to her bare shoulder.
Across the floor, Taehyung licks his lips, which could mean anything and Jungkook absolutely does not allow himself to analyze it. He keeps his heavy gaze fixed on Jungkook as he rearranges himself and his current partner so that they're facing one another but at a side angle to Jungkook, so that he can see every move.
They're only a few feet apart from each other now. If Jungkook took one step forward and reached out his hand, he'd be able to brush Taehyung's shoulder.
The man Taehyung has chosen this time is bigger than the last one, not as big as the first. About Jungkook's size, actually, if he has to think about it.
Jungkook doesn't know if he's ever been so warm in his life. He feels a bead of sweat run down his spine, all the way to the base where it's stopped by the waistband of his jeans.
The woman in his arms hasn't turned to face him, which he's grateful for, because he knows he can't hide the fact that he's only looking at Taehyung. Anyone who sees him will know it. Taehyung knows it.
A few steps away, Taehyung leans forward to let his forehead touch the other man's, but his face is turned to look right at Jungkook. His fingers are splayed across the man's hips, not gripping, just touching lightly.
The man himself has other ideas. His own hands are held tight around Taehyung's waist, so tight that even from this distance, Jungkook can see the way they're dimpling the fabric, and probably the flesh beneath too.
He has to force himself to keep from holding the woman in his arms any tighter. He's going to have to leave the floor after this song, calm himself down, get some water before he does something stupid.
His anxiety and frustration both reach a crescendo to match the booming music as Taehyung's dance partner gets in as close as he can and nuzzles into Taehyung's neck.
Taehyung grins, and there's something sort of mean about it, but then with a gentle touch of one long finger under the guy's chin, he gently pushes him back, leads them back into the dance, away from anything else.
He looks back at Jungkook and the sharklike grin melts into something warmer, something sweet, and Jungkook feels it like a warm tug deep in the core of him.
Even from several feet away, with nothing more than a glance, Taehyung has the power to change all his internal chemistry, to heat him into something soft and malleable. He wonders if it's possible for bones to be all marrow.
The song ends. Jungkook's heart stutters.
Without giving himself a chance to second guess it, he lets go of the woman he's been half-dancing with and in less than a second, his hands are on Taehyung.
He grabs Taehyung by the hips and drags him close before his brain catches up with him and screams that he's making a horrible mistake. But it doesn't feel like a mistake.
Especially not when Taehyung laughs, his voice so low it can barely be heard over the music, and not when his own hands find their old favorite place around Jungkook's waist.
There's no backing away now, no way to put that careful space back between them. It's gone, crossed like a bridge left behind, closed as resolutely as a locked door, and Jungkook is soaring, flying away on the sudden high of being right there against Taehyung, which is an incredible feat given how heavy with purpose his body feels.
They don't get any closer. Their legs are tangled, making it so the only dancing they can do is to sway in place to the beat of the music, and their hands are hot where they touch body through fabric, and their eyes are still on each other, locked, but their faces remain a few inches apart and they don't get any closer than that.
They move together through the song. It feels like swimming.
Jungkook is detached from himself, but on fire. Everything around them is slowed to a stop, but rushing so fast he can't keep up.
The only things he can see are Taehyung's deep, dark eyes, but he's never felt more visible himself, sure that through this contact, Taehyung can read every thought he's ever had.
He's no longer aware of the songs ending and starting, or the bodies shifting around them. If anyone tries to cut in, they're quickly discouraged as it becomes apparent that Taehyung and Jungkook won't be parted.
They begin to pull closer, tiny distances at a time. It’s slow – so slow it’s like gravity, or a magnetic attraction, a force outside themselves that brings them further into each other’s space without either of them deciding to do it.
There's a hair's breadth of space between their hips. For what feels like a lifetime, Jungkook tries to find the courage to draw it shut.
As the moments drip past, it's like he becomes more and more hyper-aware of Taehyung and less aware of anything and everything else.
The entire world narrows to the heat burning under his hands, radiating from Taehyung's hidden skin, the air that they're sharing between their parted lips as they both breathe through the exertion of maintaining distance.
Taehyung's eyes are hooded, heavy on Jungkook's just as his hands are heavy and hot on Jungkook's waist. He can feel the brush of one long finger against bare skin through one of the holes in his shirt.
Sweat pricks at the small of his back, and he sees it glistening along Taehyung's hairline. They're moving in perfect harmony without even having to think, bodies long used to music and working in tandem with one another.
Jungkook wonders what else their bodies remember, and despite the heat, he shivers. Taehyung licks his lips and Jungkook's eyes follow the motion avidly.
And then, in a way that can only be deliberate, Taehyung's eyes meet his again, and he rolls his hips slowly forward, just enough to brush against Jungkook's in time with the music.
Jungkook can't blame his lack of brain function for what he does in response, though he's pretty sure he's flatlining. Still, he knows exactly what he's doing as he closes the distance between them to let his open mouth just rest against Taehyung's pretty collarbone through his shirt.
He breathes there for a couple of seconds, skin sparking where Taehyung's hands clench and then release on his waist, only to grip him more tightly than ever as Jungkook noses at Taehyung's neck, allows the very tip of his tongue to make contact, runs it up the column of Taehyung's throat before finally nipping at his jaw.
When he moves away, he doesn't go far.
There's less than an inch between them now as their open, panting mouths hover just over each other. A fraction of a fraction closer and their lips would catch.
Jungkook is all syrupy heat inside when he glances down at Taehyung's lips and sees the pink flash of wet tongue inside in his mouth.
The last thread of resistance snaps, and greedily he swallows Taehyung's stuttering inhale as he brings them together with the smallest move that feels like the biggest wave crashing.
Immediately their hands seize each other in what feels like one motion, but the kiss remains slow.
Jungkook's grip slides from Taehyung's hips to the small of his back, clutching the fabric there. Taehyung pulls him even closer, though they're already pressed tight to each other from chest to ankle, no longer even moving, stopped still in the middle of the dance floor.
His fingers dig into Jungkook's shoulder blades, and still their lips barely move, more breath than kiss, until finally Taehyung lets out a sound suspiciously close to a cry and opens his mouth as though in invitation. Jungkook takes it.
Their tongues meet in a hot, slow glide. Taehyung mirrors it by grinding his hips against Jungkook's again, this time much more than a tease, and Jungkook feels himself groan, using his hold on Taehyung's clothes to pull him in even more tightly, matching the motion of his hips.
They move together like they’re the only people in the universe, like time doesn’t exist. Jungkook feels alight with the sensation of kissing Taehyung – like he is literally made of light, glowing with it from the inside, so hot he could melt into nothing.
Taehyung is a miracle against him, a revelation, and yet somehow solid and human and real at the same time. There has never been anything else like this in Jungkook’s life. There’s never been anything like this anywhere.
Finally they're forced to break away to breathe real air again, something other than each other, but before Jungkook can lament the loss, he hears Taehyung's voice, warm as honey, against his ear.
"Jungkook," he says.
Jungkook nods, closes his eyes, tries to regain some control over himself even though he knows it's a losing battle. He lets his hand slide up Taehyung's back and into his hair, fingers curling into a loose grip that has Taehyung shivering in his arms.
"Please take me home now."
Jungkook doesn't wait a single second to oblige.
Notes:
Ahhhhhh first kiss first kiss!!!!!
I worked really hard on this chapter, trying to get the tension to build in a nice way. I have mixed feelings about the result, but I think the vibe is good! If you enjoyed this one, it would be awesome if you'd let me know, and either way, thank you for reading!
Chapter 5
Summary:
The walk back to Jungkook's apartment is hurried but takes longer than it should because they stop frequently, distracted by each other, to press up against the walls of buildings and kiss again, clutch at their clothes and shoulders, release breathy little moans into the muggy nighttime air.
Notes:
Hey, everyone! First of all, I just want to say thank you to those of you who have been supporting this story so far, it really means a lot to me!
Secondly, I'm pretty sick with COVID at the moment, so I wasn't really up to reading through this whole chapter and making additional tweaks and edits like I normally would before posting. It was either post it as-is or post late, and I didn't want to do that, so please be forgiving of any little issues you might see - I'll plan on reading through it and fixing any errors when I'm feeling better.
Also please be aware that this chapter is NSFW. Thank you and happy reading!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The walk back to Jungkook's apartment is hurried but takes longer than it should because they stop frequently, distracted by each other, to press up against the walls of buildings and kiss again, clutch at each other's clothes and shoulders, release breathy little moans into the muggy nighttime air.
More than once, Jungkook considers seeing this through right out on the street, but he wants Taehyung to be comfortable, and he doesn't want anything to distract him from finally having this again either.
They hold onto each other the entire way back, tugging at one another's hands and wrists, sliding arms around each other's waists. It's like now that they've started touching, they can't stop.
Only a few minutes out of the club, Jungkook pulls Taehyung close to him by the small of his back, and the next thing he knows, he's got Taehyung pressed hard against the wall of a shopfront, making a sound low in his throat as Jungkook pulls at his shirt and kisses his collarbone.
Not long after they finally pull themselves together to keep moving, Taehyung yanks insistently on Jungkook's wrist, and then it's Jungkook shoved up against the wall as Taehyung kisses him so thoroughly he can hardly breathe, lips hot and soft on Jungkook's, teeth sharp when they nip at him, making him gasp into the kiss, which Taehyung uses to his advantage, licking into his mouth in a way that makes him feel claimed, like Taehyung is only taking what's his. Jungkook shudders and Taehyung shifts to move his thigh between Jungkook's legs.
Jungkook feels like he's not in control of himself at all anymore as they kiss and kiss right out in the open and he grinds himself against Taehyung's thigh once, twice, three times before he realizes that this is going to end right here if he isn't careful. He puts his hands on Taehyung's hips and pushes him away, breaking the kiss with an audible inhale but never letting go.
When they finally make it back to the building, it's a new struggle to get up the stairs. Jungkook's hands are shaking as he gets the key into the lock.
At the back of his mind, he's thinking that maybe they shouldn't be doing this, maybe this is wrong, maybe he should take this opportunity to apologize and send Taehyung back to his own apartment. He knows he won't though.
He's only dimly aware of the thought that maybe he should. It feels too good to turn his back on it now, and Taehyung is behind him, running his hands all over every part of Jungkook that he can reach. He wants it just as much as Jungkook does, and Jungkook doesn't have it in him to deny Taehyung anything, not now, not ever again.
As soon as they make it inside the apartment and the door is shut behind them, Jungkook drops his keys on the little table by the door and then drops himself to his knees in front of Taehyung. They don't even make it out of the entryway.
Overhead, Taehyung exhales like the breath has been struck out of him, and Jungkook's hands are on the waistband of his pants before his brain starts to catch up with him and he looks up. Taehyung's eyes are so wide and dark when they meet Jungkook's that Jungkook feels as though he could fall up into them.
"Is this okay?" he asks in a whisper.
Taehyung nods like he can't even find the words to answer. His hands are hanging at his sides, but his fingers clench into soft fists like he's trying to keep from touching Jungkook.
It won't last, not if Jungkook has anything to say about it, but for now he puts his focus back on Taehyung's pants, unbuttoning them and gently guiding them down to pool around Taehyung's feet on the floor.
It takes all of his willpower not to rush through this part, but he's missed and wanted this for far too long not to savor it now.
He has to close his eyes for a moment, overwhelmed, as his hands settle over Taehyung's hips again, this time with only the thin fabric of his boxers separating them. At least he's not alone. Jungkook hasn't even touched him yet and he can hear how hard Taehyung is breathing.
Jungkook swallows, his mouth suddenly wet as he hooks his thumbs under the waistband of Taehyung's boxers and slowly starts to drag them down. They both inhale sharply as the boxers slip down over Taehyung's thighs.
Jungkook has to actively suppress a whimper at the sight of him, especially as one of Taehyung's large, beautiful hands brushes through his hair to lightly hold the back of his head.
"Fuck," Jungkook says as he just takes a moment to stare. "I missed this cock."
Above him, Taehyung laughs, a low, pleased sound.
It's true though. Jungkook really, really has. Taehyung is half hard just from the anticipation and the kissing, and he's as big as Jungkook remembers (not that he's ever let himself forget, or could if he'd wanted to), long and thick, and Jungkook wants with his entire body. Has maybe never wanted anything more in his life than simply to get Taehyung inside him the fastest way he knows how.
Jungkook looks up at Taehyung, knowing what the sight of his big eyes has done to him in the past and hoping they still have some of their charm after all this time.
"Please," he says, hearing the hint of a whine in his voice, that little bit of pout that always seems to come out of him despite his best efforts. "Can I?"
Taehyung closes his eyes, swallows, bites his lip.
"Yes," he says, a cut-off sound like he wants to say something else after, maybe Jungkook's name, but he doesn't. "If you want to, I mean," he adds. He opens his eyes again and Jungkook is still looking right at him.
"I want to," Jungkook says.
"Okay."
Jungkook wraps his fingers around Taehyung as he moves a little closer on his knees, marveling at the way his fingers can barely close all the way around him. He thinks Taehyung might actually be a little bigger than he remembered, like his mind didn't want to torture him too much with the memory.
Taehyung's hand in his hair is a gentle weight, a light pressure, keeping him grounded, and Jungkook is grateful for it. It's a small detail that helps him hold onto the fact that they're really here, this is actually happening, not just a dream.
He leans in and presses a soft little kiss to the head, which is maybe silly and stupidly soft of him, but he hadn't been kidding about missing this. Then he takes the whole length into his mouth all at once, because he wants to feel Taehyung come to full hardness on his tongue.
Above him, Taehyung makes a punched-out little cry in his deep voice, which sends a shot of pure arousal from Jungkook's belly straight to his own cock, already hard enough in his jeans to be uncomfortable, but he doesn't care, in fact he even likes it -- another detail to keep him rooted in place, exactly where he wants to be, on his knees in front of Taehyung.
He moans at the feeling of Taehyung growing harder in his mouth, filling him up. He's barely even started and already he's reaching a hand down to press the heel of his palm against himself to relieve some pressure. He knows he's going to cry; he just hopes Taehyung assumes it's because of the cock he's choking on rather than the emotions.
Over the years, he's tried hard not to fantasize too much about Taehyung. Little snippets, flashes of images, memories of what being with him had been like, those things he had to let himself get away with, because they were too hard to stop.
Some things he just likes because they're what he'd always known. Some things, he's sure, he always would have liked, but it had been Taehyung who discovered them, and there'd never been anything he could do about that.
As far as actually imagining what it would be like to be with Taehyung again, to have him again, Jungkook has never allowed himself that. He hasn't let himself picture whole scenes, hasn't let himself think about Taehyung himself, what he likes, in all these years.
It doesn't seem to matter now. It all comes rushing back without a thought.
He knows this body, at least as well as he knows his own. He knows what it likes, what gets it close to the edge, and what can hold it back. He knows the things he can do that will have Taehyung panting, moaning, pulling his hair. He knows every button to press to get exactly the reaction he wants, like all that knowledge has been stored in his own body all along.
After holding Taehyung in his mouth for a long moment, he pulls back, dragging his tongue along the underside as he goes, playing with it around the head to tease a little before sinking back down. He lets his eyes flutter shut, lets himself get lost in the feeling.
His jaw is stretched wide to accommodate Taehyung's size and it's a sensation he's missed more than he cares to admit even to himself; he wants to savor it. So he keeps it slow for as long as he can, running his palms in what he hopes are soothing motions up and down Taehyung's thighs as he relaxes his throat to take Taehyung as deep as he can, then pulls back to suck hard at the head, which makes Taehyung's hips stutter every time.
He can feel Taehyung's tension rising, muscles in his legs going tighter, breath coming harder, as Jungkook takes his time. He sinks down as far as he can, concentrating hard to keep from choking, holding his breath so he can hold Taehyung in his throat for a long moment that's agonizing and perfect for both of them.
He swallows, intensely aware of the muscles in his throat working around Taehyung, holding him that much tighter.
Taehyung groans quietly and brings up his hand to wrap around Jungkook's throat, not squeezing, just resting there to feel the shape of himself inside.
Jungkook keeps him there until he has to squeeze his eyes shut, tears starting to gather in his lashes, and Taehyung indulges him as he always has, holding perfectly still until the moment Jungkook doesn't want him to anymore.
Jungkook opens his eyes and looks up, knowing that he'll find Taehyung already looking down at him. He's right. Their eyes lock on each other just as the tears spill down Jungkook's face.
"Fuck," Taehyung says, and his voice sounds like he's the one who's been sucking cock with how rough it comes out. He brings his other hand up to Jungkook's hair as well, folds over for a moment as he grapples with his self-control.
After a moment, he straightens again, and Jungkook finally has to pull back with a gasp, letting Taehyung fall out of his mouth so he can catch his breath, knowing that Taehyung is just as aware as he is of the string of spit trailing from his bottom lip to the shining head of Taehyung's cock.
As soon as he draws another deep breath into his lungs, Jungkook is on him again, but he doesn't move any faster.
He wants to break Taehyung, prove to both of them that he still can, and less than a minute later, Taehyung is trembling under his hands and saying, "Kook -- Kook-ah." Jungkook feels a little lightheaded; he tells himself it's because he's barely breathing, but he knows it's because of the nickname. "Can I -- please?" He doesn't say more than that, but his fingers convulse in Jungkook's hair to convey his meaning.
Jungkook moans around his cock in a way that means yes , that means please , that means fucking start already I need this .
Taehyung seems to understand. For the first time, he grips Jungkook's hair more tightly in his hands and moves, keeping Jungkook still so he can rock his hips forward at the angle he likes, at the pace he likes.
Jungkook goes limp, all the tension draining from his body as his hands fall down to his own thighs. He lifts one of them to palm at himself again, the feeling of Taehyung gliding over his tongue and fucking back into his throat almost too much to bear, but Taehyung's voice stops him.
"Don't," he says. "I want to do that."
The idea of Taehyung touching him has Jungkook's hips jerking forward on their own, which he's sure Taehyung will laugh at him for, but he doesn't. He just tightens his grip even more in Jungkook's hair and starts fucking his face in earnest, chasing his own pleasure, using Jungkook to find it.
Jungkook does his best to be perfect for him, keeps his body loose and pliant so that it will respond to every light suggestion from Taehyung's hands, keeps his mouth and throat soft for Taehyung to take however he wants them.
He concentrates on breathing when he can so Taehyung never has to stop, lets the tears fall freely as they come, and obeys Taehyung's command not to touch himself even though he's so hard in his jeans that it's hurting, and his whole body is hot under the skin. He feels so much, too much, and it's like it's leaking out of him.
It's messy. Jungkook doesn't feel capable of containing himself. He's crying and he can feel that his cock is leaking in his jeans and there's spit running down his chin and glistening on Taehyung's cock.
Taehyung is fucking his throat raw; he can tell it's going to be sore tomorrow, but all he wants is more. He'd stay right here forever if he could, and he's grateful to know that he'll be able to feel the proof that this happened in the morning.
Taehyung is breathing hard, occasionally making low, quiet sounds from deep in his chest. They fill the otherwise silent room like a blessing, mixing with the wet sounds of his cock thrusting into Jungkook's mouth and the whiny moans Jungkook is vaguely aware of making himself.
Jungkook's knees are aching in the best way when Taehyung's hands pull urgently in his hair, trying to ease him back. Jungkook's hands are back on Taehyung's hips before he even processes why Taehyung is trying to get him to pull off.
" Ah , Jungkook," Taehyung says, trying again. "I'm gonna come."
The thought of Taehyung coming anywhere other than in Jungkook's body is suddenly and intensely unacceptable to him. It sends a wave of emotion through him, so big and so fast he can only pick out pieces of it: anxiety, desperation, possessiveness.
He needs it, needs to be the cause of Taehyung's unraveling, needs to feel him fall apart, needs the proof of it in him.
Clinging to Taehyung's hips, he pulls him forward in one rough slide into Jungkook's throat, and keeps him there, swallowing around him.
Taehyung cries out as he comes, folding over Jungkook and clutching at him like he wants to be closer. Jungkook can feel him pulsing in his mouth and works him through it with his throat as he drinks him all down.
It goes on for a long time, which Jungkook finds strangely gratifying, satisfying him in a way that has nothing to do with his own cock, still painfully hard and waiting. He keeps swallowing until Taehyung is shaking.
Only then does Jungkook relinquish his grip and finally pull away from him.
As soon as he does, as soon as he's off, Taehyung's hands are tugging at him insistently, yanking him to his feet, one still in Jungkook's hair, the other on his arm. Jungkook's legs wobble a little, his knees hurting from kneeling on the hardwood floor for so long, but Taehyung doesn't a waste a second.
The moment Jungkook is up, Taehyung shoves him back against the door and crowds up into him, long fingers bracketed around Jungkook's jaw as he takes his mouth in a bruising, messy kiss.
His free hand is already working Jungkook's jeans open and then pushing them roughly down his thighs. He doesn't even bother pushing Jungkook's briefs down, just grabs the waistband and shoves it far enough out of the way that he can wrap those wicked, perfect fingers around Jungkook's aching cock.
He breaks the kiss to bite at Jungkook's neck as he begins to stroke. Jungkook cries out at the contrasting blend of sensations and his head falls back against the door. He feels dizzy.
Taehyung swipes his tongue in a soothing lick over the bite he just left and shifts to play with Jungkook's earlobe between his teeth.
"Jungkook-ah," he says, deep voice right in Jungkook's ear making him shiver. "You're so wet already, just from sucking my cock."
He stops stroking to instead play with the tip of his finger in the sticky mess steadily drooling from the tip of Jungkook's cock. He digs in a little, just a touch, but it's enough to have Jungkook's knees buckling.
Taehyung doesn't bat an eye, just presses him that much more firmly against the door to hold him in place. Apparently Jungkook isn't the only one who remembers how to play this particular game.
He teases for a long time, tracing mindless patterns over the head for a moment before switching back to slow strokes, base to tip, and then rubbing the palm of his hand in ruthless little circles at a brutal pace for a few seconds before letting go of his cock entirely to instead pay attention to some other neglected part of Jungkook's body.
He pinches his nipples until he's all but sobbing, shaking against the door like he'll collapse if Taehyung were to step away, but Taehyung doesn't step away, Taehyung stays right there with him, so close that they can feel each other breathing.
When Jungkook's nipples feel swollen and raw, Taehyung uses one hand to hold Jungkook's shirt up out of the way, fisting it at the base of this throat and holding him up by the pressure on his sternum.
He leans down to mouth at his nipples, which feel oversensitive after the abuse from his fingers, but he can't help arching into the heat, the soothing laving of his tongue.
His other hand drops back down to Jungkook's cock, giving it a couple of quick, rough tugs before releasing it again to instead get a grip on his balls and squeeze to just the right side of painful, like his hands remember exactly how to do it right.
" Fuck , Tae," Jungkook says. All he can do is clutch pitifully at Taehyung's shoulders and accept the assault of so many different sensations.
"Feel good, Kook?" Taehyung asks, once more speaking right there at Jungkook's ear so he can feel the vibrations of that sinfully low voice run all the way through him.
Jungkook nods and Taehyung nips at the hinge of his jaw, a sharp little bite.
"Tell me," he says. "I want to hear it." He gives Jungkook's balls another sharp tug at the same time that he sucks at his earlobe, gently pulling on the studs there with his teeth.
"Feels so good, Tae," he hears himself say.
He registers at some level how needy he sounds, how his voice is coming out in breathy whines, but he's unable to spare it much attention since he has to concentrate on holding back from saying more, like You always make me feel so good , or Give me more, give me everything, I'd do anything for you .
Somehow he feels simultaneously like nothing but a toy for Taehyung to play with and also completely alive, aware of his entire body from the inside out, like he hasn't been in a long, long time.
"Yeah?" Taehyung says. He squeezes the head of Jungkook's cock in a hard grip and runs the pad of his thumb slowly back and forth over the tip of it.
Jungkook whimpers, overwhelmed, lost. He wants nothing more than for Taehyung to ruin him, but he also knows that he already has. "Yeah," he whispers.
It's only when Taehyung says, "Look at me," that Jungkook realizes his eyes have been closed this whole time. It's a defense mechanism, which he understands as soon as he follows Taehyung's command and opens them.
Taehyung pulls back just far enough for them to make eye contact and suddenly Jungkook feels completely exposed. There's no way for him to hide anything he's feeling, he's sure of it.
He knows Taehyung must see all of it, though all he knows that he can see in Taehyung is heat, a burning arousal that's consuming him as surely as it's consuming Jungkook.
"Do you want to come, Kook-ah?" Taehyung asks, his eyes heavy on Jungkook's, stroking his hand slowly along Jungkook's cock again, winding him tighter and granting some relief at the same time.
Jungkook's own eyes slip shut again before he realizes it, trying to block out one sense from the overwhelming swell.
Taehyung removes his hand and lightly flicks the head of Jungkook's cock with his finger. Jungkook immediately falls forward with a cry, and he knows that if Taehyung hadn't removed his hand right after flicking him, the sharp little wave of pain would have had him coming right then.
"I said look at me," Taehyung says, his tone so weighted with want that it doesn't even sound like an admonishment.
With a painstaking effort, Jungkook straightens back up and leans against the door again, forcing his eyes open to look at Taehyung.
"I asked if you want to come," Taehyung says.
Jungkook nods, and then remembers that Taehyung wants to hear his voice. He manages to whisper, " Yes ."
Taehyung wraps his fingers around Jungkook again, returning to the same slow, torturous pace.
"Then you know what to do, don't you?" he asks, but he doesn't really ask it. It's a question and it's not a question, because he knows that Jungkook does know, he knows that Jungkook remembers, and for the first time, Jungkook's restraint fully breaks.
Jungkook keens and his hips roll on their own, fucking himself into Taehyung's grip. Taehyung doesn't tell him to stop, just waits. Jungkook doesn't make him wait long.
"Please," he moans. " Please , Tae, can I come? Please."
"Good boy," Taehyung says, and finally he quickens his hand on Jungkook's cock, stroking him at a pace that has him hurtling toward the edge. "You can come, baby, whenever you're ready. Let me see your pretty face, pretty cock, pretty come -- come on."
Jungkook finally comes with a long, low whine, his entire body shuddering through it. Taehyung keeps stroking him, whispering words that Jungkook can't make out over the rushing in his ears.
He comes onto Taehyung's lovely fingers and feels a deep sense of satisfaction in that, all the more so as Taehyung slows his pace but doesn't stop stroking until long after his cock has finished dribbling out come, going soft in Taehyung's hand.
Taehyung's forehead drops against Jungkook's and for an extended moment, they simply share space and air and warmth, finishing as they had begun back at the club. Jungkook's body feels used, aching and tingling all over, but his mind feels completely at peace.
A last couple of tears brim over and fall down over his cheeks, and then Taehyung's hands are cupped around his face, his thumbs brushing the tears away. He leans up and presses the lightest kiss to Jungkook's forehead and Jungkook thinks he feels his heart split like soft fruit.
"Are you okay, Jungkook-ah?" Taehyung asks.
Okay ? Jungkook is fucking incandescent. Jungkook is so high he's on the moon. Jungkook feels like the emotional equivalent of a lazy morning wrapped up in a warm, fluffy blanket.
He opens his eyes and lets out a contented sigh as he settles, somewhat, back into himself. "Yeah," he says. "I'm good."
There's something in Taehyung's face, now that they've finished, that hadn't been there before. Jungkook can't place it, but it's heavy. "Are you okay?" he asks.
Taehyung nods. He brings his hands, which Jungkook realizes now are clean of his come, though he doesn't know how, up to Jungkook's shoulders and rubs up and down a couple of times, gives a slight squeeze to his biceps, and then he lets go and steps back.
Jungkook's immediate instinct is to reach for him, and his hands twitch at his sides, about to do just that, when Taehyung leans down to pull up his own boxers and pants. He rebuttons them at his waist. Then he tucks Jungkook back into his briefs and rights his jeans on his hips too.
He glances over Jungkook for a moment before finally deciding that he can hold himself up on his own again and moving away from him completely for the first time.
Feeling a little bewildered, Jungkook watches as Taehyung heads for the kitchen. He hears running water, and a second later, Taehyung is back with a full glass and a protein bar he must have found in one of Jungkook's cabinets, which he holds out for Jungkook to take.
With trembling hands and a pang of something he can find no name for other than adoration, Jungkook takes the glass and food, realizes that Taehyung is performing some small, improvised version of aftercare.
Taehyung stands right in front of him and watches as Jungkook drinks down the whole glass of water.
There's something almost somber to the scene, but Jungkook feels a silly little spark of pride as he holds out the empty glass for Taehyung. He brings it back to the kitchen, and when he returns to the door, Jungkook has opened the protein bar and taken a bite.
He doesn't feel in need of aftercare, really -- everything they did was intense, but that's because it was them , not because any of the acts themselves had been especially demanding -- but he can't get past the sweetness of the gesture. He's got fucking butterflies about it and everything.
"You sure you're okay?" Taehyung asks.
Jungkook nods, since he's still chewing, and Taehyung mirrors the gesture.
"Okay," he says. "I should go then."
Jungkook's stomach plummets. "Now?" he asks, more confused than anything.
"You should sleep," Taehyung says. "But thank you."
Now Jungkook's stomach turns to ice, and suddenly taking a second bite of the protein bar feels impossible. Thank you ? He opens his mouth to protest, but before he can say a word, Taehyung goes on.
"For taking me out, I mean. Um." He no longer seems to know what to do with his hands, where to direct his gaze. "I'll see you, I guess. Right?" He meets Jungkook's eyes then, for a split second, and Jungkook reads what he thinks is an anxiety that matches the one growing in him, but he can't be sure.
He can only nod, and then Taehyung is saying Okay , and Thanks again , and gesturing toward the door that Jungkook is still leaning against because they never did make it out of the entryway.
Numbly, Jungkook moves out of the way so Taehyung can leave, the taste of the protein bar turned ashy in his mouth.
Notes:
I really had fun writing this chapter, so hopefully it was fun to read as well!
If you liked it, please let me know! Comments cure COVID, you know. 😘
Chapter 6
Summary:
The next morning, Jungkook is up early with something chewing at him.
Obviously he knows the something is Taehyung, what happened with Taehyung: everything from dancing with him at the club to sucking him off in the entryway, to being brought down into the best orgasm he's had in literal years by Taehyung's hands and voice alone, right there against the door.
Notes:
Hello~ I hope everyone is having a good week so far! I'm feeling much better than I was a few days ago, thank goodness.
Thank you to everyone reading - I hope this chapter answers some of your questions in a satisfying way!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The next morning, Jungkook is up early with something chewing at him.
Obviously he knows the something is Taehyung, what happened with Taehyung: everything from dancing with him at the club to sucking him off in the entryway, to being brought down into the best orgasm he's had in literal years by Taehyung's hands and voice alone, right there against the door.
He hasn't forgotten a single second of it. Even in sleep, he's pretty sure every dream had been spent reliving it. He also hasn't forgotten how sweet Taehyung had been after, getting him water and watching him drink it, making eat something, making sure he felt okay.
But then Taehyung had left, and Jungkook doesn't know what he expected, but the fact that Taehyung had just been gone after all that had thrown him. He still feels it now, as he makes his bed, brushes his teeth, gets dressed for the day.
The past few days, as they wrapped up their activities and went their separate ways, he and Taehyung had always made sure that they had some plan in place for the following day, as though neither of them could bear to part with each other without knowing when they'd see each other again -- or at least, that was how Jungkook had felt.
Now they have no plans, and Jungkook doesn’t know where that leaves them.
In the kitchen, he makes himself a cup of coffee and then sees the empty glass Taehyung had used for his water the night before, sitting neatly beside the sink.
His stomach churns and he realizes maybe coffee isn't the best idea. He dumps it down the drain and makes some green tea instead.
While it brews, he thinks through everything again. Maybe he'd been imagining the weight of what they were doing? Maybe it had only felt so heavy, so significant, because of his own feelings.
It's been five years, after all. It's true that there have been moments, these past few days, when Jungkook has wondered if Taehyung shares some of these feelings, but they have history -- a lot of history. Maybe that's all it ever was.
As soon as he's told himself that he has to accept this, though, he remembers the look on Taehyung's face as he'd cupped his hands so softly around Jungkook's cheeks and brushed his tears away. There had been such care in the gesture, in that touch, but also such sadness in his face, he's sure of it.
Jungkook brings his tea out onto the small balcony beyond the large windows. He sits in the cast iron chair and looks out over the little bit of town that stretches from his apartment down to the sea beyond.
It's sparkling and brilliant blue, catching the morning sun and sending it back in a million tiny glimmers out into the world.
Jungkook thinks about how strange it is to see something so simple and beautiful and still feel so sad and confused. Maybe he's always been spoiled for beauty, maybe his problem is that he's never had to learn how to truly appreciate it – or at least, that he's never had to learn until it was gone.
He forces himself to drink his tea slowly, takes deep breaths, looks out over the sea and savors the scent of jasmine rising from his porcelain cup in the steam.
He tries again to tell himself that the night before probably just didn't mean to Taehyung what it means to him, and that it's okay, he has to accept it, maybe this will even help him move on. But again, the idea doesn't quite fit the details.
For the first time, he considers something else -- that maybe Taehyung thinks it didn't mean anything to Jungkook.
Maybe he believes Jungkook just wanted to hook up, maybe that sadness and anxiety he thinks he might have seen came from Taehyung thinking that in Jungkook's eyes, he'd served his purpose. Maybe that was why he'd left. And Jungkook had let him go, confirming all of it, from Taehyung's perspective.
Then he tells himself that's probably just wishful thinking, the idea that it could mean as much to Taehyung as it had to Jungkook to have a simple, hurried hookup in the doorway of his apartment.
He's being stupid, sitting out here alone trying to guess what Taehyung might be feeling instead of just talking to him. He isn't sure he can talk about this exactly, but the least he can do is show Taehyung some of the same courtesy he'd shown to Jungkook last night. He can check up on him, make sure he's okay, and maybe then he'll get a better sense of where things stand.
Finally decided, Jungkook heads back inside, the scent of the salty, clean sea air following him past the billowing curtains.
He sets his empty cup next to the glass on the counter and then leaves his apartment, not intending much more than simply to check on Taehyung, make sure he's all right, make sure they're all right, and then maybe make plans for later in the day. He doesn't want what happened the night before to mean that they stop spending time together -- that's the last thing he wants.
Even if it had been just a hookup for Taehyung, even if Taehyung doesn't want it to happen again, even if it hadn't meant anything to him other than getting off, Jungkook doesn't want to lose what they've had for the last few days.
He walks straight up to Taehyung's door with the intention of making that, at least, clear: that even if last night was just a one-time thing that meant nothing, he doesn't want to stop spending time with Taehyung during the days, showing him around Positano.
As he walks, he's aware of the fact that it's fairly early, but not any earlier than he and Taehyung have been getting together.
Still, when he knocks on Taehyung's door and there's no answer after a moment, he assumes Taehyung is sleeping. They hadn't had much to drink the night before, only the one whiskey when they'd first arrived at the club, but they had been out late and stayed up later.
Jungkook knocks again, louder this time, but not only is there no answer, he can't hear a single sound from the other side of the door.
The building is old, the floorboards creaky, and usually Jungkook can hear that Taehyung is on his way to answer long before he actually reaches the door. Today there's no sound at all.
He's starting to feel more anxious, unsure what to make of the eerie silence.
Could Taehyung have left for the day already, without telling him or checking in? Is he inside, buried in his bed, ignoring Jungkook's knocking? He can't be in the shower; Jungkook would be able to hear the water running, the pipes clanking.
He tries one more time, knocking much longer harder now, trying to make it impossible for Taehyung to either miss it or ignore it, but eventually he's forced to give up.
Either Taehyung is inside and staunchly ignoring him, or he isn't home at all.
The panic Jungkook has been holding at bay all morning, trying to talk himself out of, finally crashes into him in full force.
He paces outside Taehyung's apartment for a couple minutes before realizing that if Taehyung really did just run out to do a quick errand and he comes back to find Jungkook pulling out his hair in front of his apartment, Jungkook is going to feel stupid and insane and pathetic all at once, so he abandons his post and goes back to his own apartment.
He immediately grabs his phone from where it's been charging on his bedside table, thinking that he can at least text Taehyung, something casual, something like Want to get pizza later?
It's only after he's got his phone in hand, messaging app open, that he realizes he and Taehyung haven't actually exchanged numbers. It's always felt too weighty to ask, and it hasn't been necessary, since it's so easy just to drop by each other's places and make plans for the next day when they're already together.
Ridiculously, he feels his eyes start to sting. He thinks it might be worse not knowing if last night meant nothing to Taehyung, if he's upset or hurt, or if he's just out living his life and not thinking about it either way. Not knowing is like all of it is true at the same time.
Jungkook is crushed beneath the weight of everything he's feeling. He doesn't know what to do with it all, and he's so frustrated because he was doing okay before all of this. He really was.
Things weren't perfect, but whose life is perfect? Jungkook had been doing all right, focusing on himself, focusing on work, and it was only Jimin sticking his nose where it didn't belong that had messed everything up.
Suddenly all of his too-many feelings coalesce into one, and it's an easy one. He knows what to do with anger.
He calls Jimin.
The phone rings a few times and stops.
"Jungkook?" Jimin's voice says from the other end of the line, like he isn't sure Jungkook is really even there.
Jungkook has grand plans for this phone call, intends to really lay into Jimin because he deserves it and because Jungkook needs the release, but as soon as he hears the other man's voice, he breaks.
The tears he'd felt prickling a moment earlier burst out of him in a sob and he can't hold them back anymore, just lets himself cry into the phone because he doesn't have a choice, it's all he can do.
"Baby," Jimin says, "Jungkookie, what's wrong?"
Jungkook registers that there's distress in Jimin's voice, but he can't pull himself together enough to stop crying, to try to reassure him.
"Okay," Jimin says, and now he's got his comforting voice on and Jungkook can't help feeling relieved despite everything. It's like his body recognizes that voice and he just cries that much harder. "It's okay, Jungkook-ah," Jimin says. "Just let it out and tell me what's wrong when you can, okay?"
Jungkook nods even though Jimin can't see him. He crawls back into bed and curls around his phone and wishes, for the first time, that he wasn't so far from home.
#
Jungkook isn't sure how long he just breaks down, but he knows he can't be mad at Jimin anymore by the time he's finally stopped crying and is left a sniffling mess in his bed.
"Sorry," he mumbles into the receiver after he picks up his phone for the first time in a while. He knows he must be keeping Jimin from his day, his husband, his baby.
"Yah, stop that," Jimin scolds gently. "You know I'm always here for you."
Jungkook sniffs. He knows. It's more than he deserves, probably, but he knows.
"Are you ready to talk about it?" Jimin asks. His voice is soft and soothing over the line. Jungkook is glad he has a baby. Jimin must be an amazing father.
Jungkook takes a deep breath. Already there's a part of him that wants to try to get out of talking about it. Say, Thanks for letting me cry in your ear, love you, bye! and go back to wallowing alone, but he can't do that after Jimin has been so patient with him, and he knows that ultimately, it won't make him feel any better anyway.
He also knows what he's about to say may very well make Jimin as pissed at him as he is at himself.
He takes a deep breath, wipes at his nose, and mutters, "I hooked up with Tae."
There's a long pause on the other end of the line. A long pause. And then Jimin sighs, "Oh, Jungkookie." He sounds disappointed, but not surprised. Probably the worst combination of ways he could sound.
"I know it was stupid," Jungkook says, "but we were out dancing because I've been showing him around town, and it just sort of happened."
Jimin snorts, a humorless sound that means, I've heard that one before .
"I know, Jimin," Jungkook says. "I know. But now I can't find him, and I --"
"You can't find him?"
"Well, he left last night, after... But now he's not answering his door, I don't even know if he's home, and I don't have his number because, I don't know, it seemed like it would be too much, to ask for it."
"It was 'too much' to ask for his number, but not too much to suck his dick?" Jimin asks, sounding a little annoyed now, though he makes a valiant effort to keep the annoyed beneath a solid layer of comforting .
"How did you know...?" Jungkook starts to ask and then trails off as he feels his cheeks go pink.
"Please," Jimin says. "Don't insult me. I know you. I know both of you."
Jungkook isn't sure he wants to understand any better than that, so he lets it go.
"Anyway," he says pointedly, knowing that he's pouting now and not bothering to try to hide it from Jimin; it would be pointless. "I know I fucked up. I know it was a mistake. I shouldn't have let it happen, and now I don't know if Tae is pissed, or upset, or if he doesn't care at all and is just at the beach or something, and --"
"Jungkook," Jimin cuts in. "Stop. Taehyung is an adult. Whether this was a mistake or not, he made it with you. It's not doing either of you any good for you to sit here in a blame spiral."
Jungkook sighs. "But Taehyung -- he was amazing last night. He did everything right, made sure I was good before he left, and I didn't know what I was seeing but I think he seemed sort of sad, and I just let him go. I just let him go, Jimin."
The words are heavy as they leave him, weighted down with years' worth of baggage Jungkook has been carrying for so long and doesn't know how to put down.
"I'm sorry, Jungkookie, but so what?" Jimin asks. "If Tae wanted to leave, then of course you had to let him go."
"No," Jungkook says. "I mean, yes, obviously, but this is different. It was just like -- I mean, when we," he stops, frustrated, upset, afraid he'll start crying again if he talks about it. Finally he settles on, "Well, you know what happened."
He doesn't expect it to set Jimin off, but it does.
" No ," he says, fully exasperated now. In fact, it's such a stark change from his mildly annoyed but still primarily soothing demeanor of a moment before that Jungkook actually startles.
"No, I don't know what happened, Jungkook -- none of us do, because neither of you would talk about it! All I know is that one minute my best friends were happier than I'd ever seen either of them, and the next it was all over. You weren't together anymore, and I had to watch my two favorite people go through the worst heartbreak I've ever seen, and then the band wasn't getting back together, and I have never had any idea why any of it happened."
Jimin's voice cracks when he talks about the band, and for the first time Jungkook realizes that it's true, that he's never really told Jimin about exactly what happened with him and Tae, and if he's never told Jimin, he's never told anyone.
He doesn't think he set out to withhold it, though he knows there's a lot of shame there. It just seemed too fragile a thing to mention, and it had always been easier to pretend, to ignore it all, if no one else really understood what he was carrying, the choices he had to live with.
It had never even occurred to him that Taehyung would feel that same way, that he wouldn't have told Jimin or the others any more than Jungkook had. He'd always just assumed they knew everything.
For the first time, he feels the heartache they all must have gone through, watching everything fall so completely to pieces, and not even understanding why.
"Okay," he says, taking a deep breath, steeling himself. "Then I'll tell you now."
So he does.
He tells Jimin what he already knows, how he and Tae had fallen for each other long before they could ever truly do anything about it, how they had pined for each other and longed for each other but knew that being together would be too risky for the band.
He tells him about how they slipped up sometimes, unable to pretend they didn't feel what they felt, and of course Jimin knows that too, because he had always been the one there to pick up the pieces when one or the other of them would go to him crying over the ache in their hearts.
He tells him about how they would steal kisses late at night in the dorm, only to regret it the next morning when they had to go back to pretending.
Those years had been hard, some of the hardest in Jungkook's life. In some ways, it had been easier when Taehyung had left the dorm, because it meant he no longer had to live with the constant temptation, but it had been hard in its own unique way too, because temptation aside, he'd been so used to having Taehyung close to him for so long, it had hurt to have distance between them.
They'd adjusted over the years, of course, found ways to be friends, but always, under the surface, there was the unspoken awareness that someday they would have their time.
They had chosen to put the band first, to take Bangtan as high as they could go, but they knew that a time would come when that would change, when everyone would want something more, and then they'd finally have their chance to truly be together the way they'd yearned for, for so long.
It was finally happening, after years, but the pandemic came and complicated everything, and that had been hard too, but nothing they hadn't gotten through before.
Taehyung struggled, Jungkook stuck with him through it as well as he could, and then finally, finally, the band had announced the break.
For a few perfect, incredible months, Jungkook had everything he'd ever wanted.
He had his band, his career, his Taehyung. They had been so happy, just like Jimin said. There were no restrictions, no separation, no expectations -- just them, in the privacy of their own homes, finally free to explore and enjoy each other to their hearts' content.
Those were the best months of Jungkook's life.
But there's a big difference between longing for a relationship and being in one. They'd been wishing for each other for so long, just waiting for the day when they could finally be together, that neither of them had any experience with relationships.
They knew how to pine for each other, how to work together when they were drowning in their feelings for one another, how to find each other in the middle of the night for some quick relief when they couldn't take it anymore, but they didn't really know how to talk to each other -- not about the kinds of things that mattered when it came to being together.
They were intimately familiar with all of their flaws but didn't know how to navigate them as partners.
"We didn’t even fight," Jungkook says on the phone to Jimin. "It was like we couldn’t deal with our issues at all. We just ignored them until they piled up, and eventually it was like only the issues were left.”
He sighs before going on.
“The good moments were so good, Jimin. The best. We just didn't know what we were doing, and we felt like we were failing at the one thing we'd always believed we were meant to do, you know? We started to think," he breaks off and laughs bitterly.
It sounds so stupid to him now, but they had been kids, after all. "We started to think maybe we'd only ever been meant to be first love, not last love. That maybe we weren't destined to be together forever like we'd always thought."
Jimin remains, as he has all along, completely silent, listening.
"It was a mutual decision, to split up. We didn't talk to anyone about any of it, which was stupid, I know. We just felt like such failures, like we had this beautiful thing and we'd fucked it up so bad. We knew we still loved each other, but it just wasn't working . We couldn't make it work."
Jungkook swallows past the hard lump in his throat. If he starts crying again, he won't be able to finish the story, and it feels strangely good, he notices, to be letting it all out for the first time. Like resetting a broken bone that's healed in the wrong position.
"Neither of us could stand the thought of just stopping, though. After all that, to just end. So we had one last night together."
Jimin makes a choked-off little sound on the other end of the line, and Jungkook gets it. This is the worst part of the story for him too.
He doesn't tell Jimin that they recreated their first time, when Jungkook had just come of age and they'd planned it all out because, even if they couldn't be together for real, they had wanted to be each other's firsts.
He doesn't tell Jimin that they both cried, and clung to each other the whole night, that in some ways, it's the most intimate thing he's ever done, to be with someone he loved so much, so closely, knowing that it was the end.
But he does tell Jimin the rest, even though it feels like he's cutting his own heart out of his chest to do it.
"After," he says, "Taehyung started to doubt that we'd made the right call."
His voice sounds hollow to his own ears, and it's no wonder. He's scooping himself out in overflowing handfuls. He's not sure there will be anything left of him after this.
"He wanted to keep trying. He said," Jungkook stops, takes in a shaky breath, stares with unseeing eyes at the high ceiling overhead.
"He said that it couldn't be for nothing, to love each other that much. He said that just because it was harder than we thought, that didn't mean it wasn't worth it. But all I could think about was how long it had taken us to decide to end it in the first place. I kept thinking about how awful it would be if we were just stuck in a loop like that all the time, always wondering if we would be happier if we just -- if we just gave up. So I told him I hadn't changed my mind, and he left."
The tears start again then, leaking steadily down into the soft pillow under Jungkook's head.
"I regretted it," he confesses, "immediately. As soon as he was gone. I thought about running after him, or calling him and begging him to come back. But I also felt like -- we made this decision for a reason, and that had to mean something. I knew I'd break if I saw him though, or talked to him. So that's why, well, that part you do know."
That was why Jungkook wouldn't go anywhere Taehyung might be. That was why he'd never let anyone so much as mention him. That was why, in the end, he'd said he couldn't go back to the band, and then no one else had either.
"I thought it would get easier. It never did. I thought time would pass and I'd move on and everything would go back to the way it was before, and maybe we could even be friends. But I just couldn't. It hurt so much. It never stopped hurting."
"Why didn't you ever say anything to him?" Jimin asks, and Jungkook can hear in his voice that he's crying too. "Why didn't you ever go back, if you were feeling all of that?"
"I didn't want to do that to either of us -- any of us. Give us false hope only for it to all happen again. What if I told him I wanted him back and nothing was different? It would only be even worse the second time around.”
He draws in a deep breath to steel himself for what he has to say next.
“And I sort of had to believe, I guess, that I made the right choice. Because what if I told him I wanted him back and it was better?" The next part comes out as a whisper, something he's never even put into words for himself. "I would have caused everyone all this pain for no reason."
Through the phone, Jungkook listens as Jimin draws in a slow breath, and then just as slowly releases it. His voice is still a little shaky, but steadier, as he says, "Thank you for telling me that, Jungkook-ah."
For a long moment after that, they're both quiet. Jungkook feels raw, exposed, but there's a strange sense of relief too.
It feels vulnerable but good to no longer be alone with the knowledge, and not just that, but to have shared it himself. It's still with him, of course, still his own to bear, but it's not quite as heavy, like by opening up he's able to share the load, at least a little bit.
"Jungkook," Jimin says eventually, "obviously I don't know how to fix this, or if it can be fixed, or even if it needs fixing. But I can tell you that I've never seen two people more in love than you and Taehyung, and that I've seen you both pull yourselves -- and each other -- out of some pretty low places in the past.”
“And,” he adds, “I can tell you that whatever is going on with Taehyung right now, it's not that he doesn't care. Any more than that, he'll have to tell you himself, but just – talk to him, please. Don't shut him out, okay? And don't beat yourself up for all this. Can you promise me that?"
Jungkook feels scooped out, like he's removed everything that makes him Jungkook and placed it into Jimin's hands, and now it's far away from him. Still, he nods, and says, "I'll try, hyung."
Jimin laughs a little, a soft sound over the line, but he doesn't say anything. Neither of them do for a few minutes. They simply sit in silence, Jungkook not wanting to be alone, and Jimin understanding without needing to be asked.
After a few minutes, though, there's a beep on the line and Jungkook hears Jimin's sharp inhale. "Jungkookie," he says. "I love you, and you can call me any time you need me, you know that, right?"
"I know."
"Good. I have to go now, I'm sorry. Taehyungie is calling me."
Jungkook feels a cool trickle in his belly, but he's glad that Taehyung is reaching out to Jimin. "Okay," he says.
"I love you."
Jimin doesn't wait for a reply before he hangs up, leaving Jungkook alone in his pleasant apartment.
It feels empty in a way that it hasn't since he first moved in, too big for him, missing something. His eyes glide over it from where he's nested into his bed. He feels exhausted suddenly. His eyes, swollen from all the crying, drift shut.
He doesn't sleep, there's too much floating around in his mind for that, but he wades in and out of wakefulness, aware of time passing, thinking about everything that's made up his life so far, and also thinking about nothing at the same time.
He's been in this state of vague drowsiness and sheer emotional exhaustion for quite a while when he hears a knock at his door.
Thinking he might finally be drifting into a dream, he doesn't answer it at first, but when the knock comes again, still light but very much real, he pulls himself up out of bed and shuffles across the apartment to the door.
He knows who has to be on the other side of it, and sure enough, there's Taehyung, looking as rumpled and soft as Jungkook feels, his eyes rimmed in red, his body drowning in a t-shirt that's far too big for him. His hair is fluffy, messy, like he hasn't brushed it. Jungkook wonders if he's only just gotten out of bed.
"Would it be okay," Taehyung says by way of a greeting, somehow sounding as small as he looks standing in the doorway, "if we just stay together today? Just for right now? Just for the day."
If Jungkook had thought he'd carved every possible emotion out of himself, he'd been wrong. It's more that he's taken down the walls keeping them organized inside him, and now they're spilling all through him at once, impossible to separate down into their individual parts.
He feels everything, like a big soupy mess all through him, but there are two things he knows without needing to think, without needing to analyze or categorize: that there's nothing he wants more than to have Taehyung with him, right now, whatever that means; and that he doesn't have it in him to deny Taehyung anything.
He steps back out of the way of the door, helpless to the fluttering in his chest, and brings Taehyung inside.
Notes:
Ooof I hurt myself with this one, y'all. I hope you're hanging in there!
Chapter 7
Summary:
Jungkook makes Taehyung a cup of tea, and then thinks it might be weird that he only made one for Taehyung, so he makes one for himself too.
Taehyung's, he fills with honey -- local honey that he bought two days earlier purely because he knew Taehyung would want it if he ever came to Jungkook's apartment, and he'd wanted to be prepared. His own, he leaves as is.
Taehyung follows him into the kitchen and watches him work, but neither of them speak. Every moment that Jungkook doesn't have to be looking at the tea kettle or the mugs in his cabinet or the tea itself, he's looking at Taehyung, dragging his eyes over every inch of him.
Notes:
Oooh I'm excited about this one, y'all! I hope you enjoy it!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jungkook makes Taehyung a cup of tea, and then thinks it might be weird that he only made one for Taehyung, so he makes one for himself too.
Taehyung's, he fills with honey -- local honey that he bought two days earlier purely because he knew Taehyung would want it if he ever came to Jungkook's apartment, and he'd wanted to be prepared. His own, he leaves as is.
Taehyung follows him into the kitchen and watches him work, but neither of them speak. Every moment that Jungkook doesn't have to be looking at the tea kettle or the mugs in his cabinet or the tea itself, he's looking at Taehyung, dragging his eyes over every inch of him.
He's trying to determine whether he's all right, if he spent the morning crying just like Jungkook did, if he's feeling any better after his conversation with Jimin, if he thinks last night was a mistake.
He's also simply appreciating him, enjoying the look of him, soft and radiant in the morning sun, such a different version of himself than the one who had taken Jungkook apart last night, but still completely Taehyung.
Jungkook is not the only one looking. Taehyung watches him too, dark eyes catching the light as they follow Jungkook around the kitchen.
He isn't wearing shoes, Jungkook notices. It looks like he came right over from bed, still in sleep clothes. If it weren't so warm, Jungkook would be tempted to wrap him up in a blanket.
Jimin had said that he should talk to Taehyung, but now that they're here, he doesn't know what to say.
He wonders if he should apologize for the night before, but the thought of doing that makes him feel like he's going to be sick, and he isn't sure it's what Taehyung will want to hear anyway. Maybe they don't need to talk about it, at least not yet.
They end up taking their tea into the space that serves as a living room in Jungkook's apartment, the large, open area between the bed and the tall windows that let out onto the balcony.
There's a couch set up across from a large TV. Jungkook hasn't used either of them much since moving in.
If he does decide to watch something, he usually just binges Netflix on his laptop in bed, since he's alone anyway. Usually he doesn't even do that much, preferring to be working or out dancing.
Jungkook and Taehyung don't sit at opposite ends of the couch, if only because they both need to be able to reach their mugs of tea on the coffee table.
They do leave several feet of space between them, both sitting rigidly against the back of the couch.
Jungkook feels deeply awkward as he pulls up Netflix on the TV and has to scroll through all the romantic dramas and movies in his "Continue Watching" and "Recommended For You" sections -- including Taehyung's most recently released film, which makes Jungkook blush ferociously. He glances over and sees that Taehyung's cheeks are looking a bit pink too.
Sparing them both the trials of trying to decide together what they should watch, Jungkook simply picks a drama he's heard good things about but hasn't started yet. He asks Taehyung if he's already seen it, and when he shakes his head no, Jungkook presses play.
It hardly matters, at least to him. He can't pay attention to it anyway.
Through the entire first episode, the only thing he's aware of is Taehyung. It's like he can feel Taehyung where he's sitting those couple of feet away, feel the heat coming from him, the way his thoughts are wrapped tightly around him, pulled in close.
Jungkook wishes he could pluck Taehyung's thoughts out with his fingers, untangle them, read through them, see for himself what's going on in that unique mind of his without actually needing to ask him about it.
He thinks of Jimin urging him to talk to Taehyung, and then he thinks of Jimin's promise that whatever Taehyung is thinking, it isn't that he doesn't care, and he wonders if maybe, for today, that's enough. If maybe, just for right now, it can be enough to know that they both still care.
Random flashes of memory from the night before keep popping into his head, making it even more impossible to focus on the show.
He can’t get past how good it had felt to have Taehyung’s warm, pretty hands all over him, pulling and tugging in all the right places – how overwhelming and perfect his mouth had been, alternately demanding and yielding, always seeming to anticipate exactly what Jungkook would want in any given moment.
Beside him, Taehyung leans forward to pick up his syrupy sweet tea, his big eyes fixed on the TV screen ahead.
Jungkook watches him take a sip, lick his lips, take another. When he settles back against the couch again, after putting his cup down, Jungkook could swear he's an inch or two closer than he was before.
On the screen, a pretty woman is speaking frankly to a man who is older than her, pouting and then smiling mischievously. Jungkook glances away from them, toward Taehyung again, but from what he can tell, Taehyung's gaze is still focused on the show.
Jungkook leans forward, picks up his own tea, takes a sip, resettles, shifting his body just slightly, just enough to move himself a tiny bit closer to Taehyung.
A few minutes pass and neither of them move again. Taehyung watches the show, Jungkook pretends to watch the show and really watches Taehyung as much as he can, telling himself that he can at least take advantage of the fact that they're here right now to rememorize all of his features, take in the way the last five years have left their marks on him.
They have, he can see that, but not on his face, or really on his body. He looks exactly the same as Jungkook remembers.
Jungkook's beginning to think he imagined that Taehyung might have moved a little closer, but after about fifteen more minutes, he does it again: takes a sip of tea, puts the mug on the table, moves back into the plushness of the couch, this time less than a hand's width closer to Jungkook than he had been before.
So Jungkook does it again too.
It's a painfully slow process, one that would feel almost like a game if not for the heaviness in the air, but by the end of the first episode, there's only a foot of space between them.
Jungkook lets the next episode start, lets it play for five whole minutes before he tries the trick again.
He realizes only then that he's run out of tea, but he doesn't dare get up to make more in case that puts a stop to the whole thing, so he pretends to take another sip and moves what feels like a daring two inches closer to the center of the couch.
Barely three minutes later, Taehyung does the same.
Now there are only a few inches of space between them, and Jungkook feels every single one of them. He feels like every hair on his body is standing on end. He is vibrantly aware of his body, Taehyung's, and the fact that he could reach out right now, barely move at all, and close the gap.
He sets his hand down beside him on the cushion, careful not to brush Taehyung's leg in the process, though he's so close now that it takes effort not to.
It feels like he's barely made the decision to end up here, like his body simply wants to be near Taehyung's and all he's done is given in to the pull, that magnetic force.
He thinks his heart actually skips a beat when Taehyung's hand joins his on the couch. There's no place to put it except right on top of Jungkook's, so he does, gently lays his palm over the back of Jungkook's hand
Even that light brush of contact alone is enough to send an electric spark up through his hand into his arm, down into his chest where it becomes a pool of warmth that sinks slowly into the center of him.
They're so close that he can hear it when Taehyung's breath stills and then starts again, wavering in his throat. He turns to look, because suddenly he has to see Taehyung’s expression, and finds Taehyung already turned to him.
Jungkook's eyes move over Taehyung's face of their own accord, taking in the sight of him up close in a way it had been too dark to do the night before.
Taehyung looks at him too, that heavy gaze moving from Jungkook's eyes to his mouth, snagging on the little mole on his nose. Jungkook understands. He can't seem to stop looking between the spots on Taehyung's lip, the tip of his nose, the perfect, pretty one right on the waterline of his eye.
Jungkook is overcome with emotion over how much he missed that one little spot. He wants to kiss it so badly.
After a drawn-out moment where they both look their fill, their eyes finally meet.
They used to say that they shared a sense of telepathy. It never felt like they could literally read each other's thoughts, but there were times when they'd been so in tune with one another that it did seem as though they could feel each other's feelings, sense what the other wanted or worried about just by looking at each other.
Jungkook feels that again now.
He doesn't know what Taehyung is thinking. He doesn't know how Taehyung feels about what happened the night before, or what he wants from the future, whether or not he has regrets like Jungkook does. But he knows what Taehyung wants right now.
He knows it with a certainty that rivals his understanding of his own desires, and he can see plainly on his face that Taehyung is just as aware of it as he is.
There's a long, weighted moment where they only look into each other's eyes, both knowing, and then they're leaning in at the same time. Jungkook's hand finds its own way to Taehyung's jaw, tucking into it like it belongs there, coming home after a long time away.
Taehyung's fingers twine sweetly into the hair at the back of Jungkook's head, and then they're coming together in one deliberate motion, as though an invisible string is pulled taut.
The kiss is soft, so soft and fragile that Jungkook doesn't dare breathe in case he breaks it, a soap bubble of a kiss. Their lips barely brush, but it's the most devastating, earth-shattering moment of Jungkook's life, even more than the first time, when he'd been seventeen and terrified and already so in love.
Taehyung feels vulnerable as a fallen leaf in his hands. He smells like jasmine and tastes like honey and when he parts his lips to take a shaking, hesitant breath, Jungkook feels it pull across his own mouth like Taehyung is drawing the air from his lungs.
What's more is that Jungkook wants to give it to him, would give him every last trace if it was what he wanted, and wouldn't ask for anything in return.
Emboldened, Jungkook guides Taehyung even closer to him, deepening the kiss, though he keeps it slow. Their lips and tongues remember each other; when Jungkook opens for Taehyung, Taehyung opens for him.
As their tongues meet, just a light brush at first, warmth blooms in Jungkook's belly. Taehyung's fingers curl in his hair, gently tugging, sending a rush of arousal down his spine.
He can't resist the temptation to move one hand to Taehyung's waist, so he doesn't, feeling the heat of his skin through the soft fabric of the t-shirt he'd been sleeping in.
The thought of having Taehyung against him sleep-warm and pliant makes Jungkook shiver. His hand tightens on Taehyung's waist.
Taehyung hums in response, pressing closer, and before Jungkook knows what he's doing, both of his hands are on Taehyung's waist and he's half-lifting, half-dragging him into Jungkook's lap. Taehyung gasps into the kiss at the sudden shift, but he settles easily, one knee on either side of Jungkook, his arms around Jungkook's shoulders.
The kiss turns a little less soft after that.
Jungkook's hand finds the back of Taehyung's neck and holds him in place. Taehyung moans into it when Jungkook takes his mouth more assertively.
That's what it feels like: taking him, claiming him, and it makes the hard little knot of heat at the center of Jungkook jump and soar to feel the way Taehyung responds to it.
Taehyung is trembling in his arms when Jungkook tightens them around him, drawing their bodies together, a faint tremor running all through him. He's barely kissing back now, mostly just keeping his mouth open for Jungkook to use, and it makes him want to scream, sort of feels like he already is.
Then Taehyung's hips shift down, it doesn't even seem like he means to do it, and Jungkook feels how Taehyung has already started growing hard in his shorts, and he snaps.
He breaks the kiss, using his grip on the back of Taehyung's neck to pull him down so their foreheads touch and they can both just breathe for a moment.
"Will you come to bed with me?" Jungkook asks, only realizing how worked up he is himself when he hears the low tone of his own voice.
Taehyung's eyes are hazy on his as he nods. Jungkook remembers that he used to get like this sometimes, so swept up in the moment that he would lose himself a little bit, going loose and molten, finding it difficult to speak.
It's hot, and somehow it's even hotter to see it now, knowing that Jungkook still has the power to bring that out in him with just a few heated kisses on the couch, but for this, for right now, he can't let Taehyung slip too far away.
"Hey," he says, doing his best to modulate his voice out of horny territory and into something more soothing. He drops his hands to Taehyung's soft thighs and runs his palms from just above the knee to his hips and back again.
"Taehyung," he says, and waits for Taehyung to pull back a little to meet his eyes. Jungkook keeps rubbing his thighs and then up his sides, hoping to bring him back to a stronger sense of awareness.
After a few seconds he watches Taehyung come back to himself a bit, eyes seeming to clear as he focuses on Jungkook's face. There you are , Jungkook thinks.
"Are you sure about this?" he asks.
The thought of stopping now makes his entire chest ache, but he knows this can't be like the night before. They can't just carelessly fall together because it's easy, with no thought to the consequences.
"We don't have to, you know that, right? We can just go back to watching the show. Or I can take you back to your apartment, if you want. Whatever you want is okay."
Taehyung holds his gaze for a long moment. He nods, but Jungkook can tell that he's making himself think about it, trying to do what Jungkook is asking him, so Jungkook doesn't press, just waits it out.
When Taehyung speaks, it's to say, "I want you."
Jungkook feels the same rush of adrenaline and elation he gets when he jumps off of something very tall, but he tries his hardest to seem calm and sure when he says, "Okay, Tae. I want you too."
Taehyung leans forward but doesn't kiss Jungkook as he expects. Instead he wraps his arms around Jungkook's shoulders, squeezing him into a tight hug. Jungkook's arms find their way around Taehyung's waist and return it.
Then Taehyung's breath is warm against Jungkook's ear as he says, "Take me then."
For a moment, all Jungkook can do is hold Taehyung even tighter. He buries his face in Taehyung's shoulder and shuts his eyes against the emotion welling in him.
If they're going to do this, he wants to do it right, as right as he can, and that means keeping a grip on himself so he can give Taehyung everything he needs. He collects himself, drawing strength from the way Taehyung is clinging to him, trusting him, and then he stands, picking Taehyung up with him.
Taehyung gasps in surprise and naturally wraps his legs around Jungkook's waist. Jungkook carries him easily the few feet to the bed and gently lays him down. When he pulls back, releasing him, Taehyung's eyes are wide open and fixed on him.
Jungkook is more than a little breathless as he climbs onto the bed after Taehyung, laying himself over him.
He's afraid he's going to start babbling a lot of ridiculous, embarrassing things, so he kisses Taehyung again, trying to put everything he's feeling into that instead, feeding it to Taehyung directly, no messy, imperfect words required.
He kisses Taehyung as thoroughly and as well as he can. Kisses him until he's panting underneath Jungkook, rocking against him, fingers clenching into fists in Jungkook's t-shirt.
Taehyung is malleable as clay beneath Jungkook, moving with the briefest brushes of Jungkook's hands, reacting to the merest suggestions of breath and thought. He looks ethereal in the midmorning light, so innocently stunning that it stops Jungkook's heart, and he doesn't care how sentimental it is because he thinks anyone in his place would feel exactly the same.
The moment is heavy with intent. Jungkook feels every ounce of the trust Taehyung is laying so gracefully in his hands. He promises himself that whatever happens after this, he'll treat that trust with all the gravity it deserves.
Taehyung leans up into him and Jungkook takes advantage of the opportunity to run one warm hand under Taehyung's shirt, keeping his touch light and teasing.
Finally, he has to break away so he can slowly lift the t-shirt up over Taehyung's head. He sits up to help Jungkook get it off, but then falls immediately back into the bed. His lips are pink and kiss-swollen, plush and inviting, but the night before, Jungkook hadn't had the chance to see Taehyung's body, so he enjoys the opportunity now.
He reacquaints himself with the way Taehyung sighs when he licks over one brown nipple, how his spine arches in an elegant curve as Jungkook trails his fingers along his bare side, the sensation getting confused somewhere in his mind between ticklish and erotic.
Jungkook sits up to discard his own shirt, dropping it on the floor beside the bed, and he makes quick work of his shorts too. He hears Taehyung's breath falter, but he doesn't give him much time to look before he's dragging Taehyung's shorts off, and then they're both undressed, exposed, and it feels like too much so Jungkook kisses Taehyung some more.
He keeps kissing until Taehyung's hips are rocking consistently against Jungkook's, the brush of their cocks over each other little more than a tease, but intoxicating all the same.
He kisses and kisses until Taehyung makes a whiny little sound from his throat and says, "Jungkook, please." His pupils are blown despite the brightness of the day and Jungkook finds himself nodding.
"Yeah," he says, his own voice coming out low and raw. "Okay, Tae -- whatever you want."
Without removing himself from Jungkook's arms, Taehyung turns onto his front, and Jungkook's stomach flips with him.
It suddenly feels real in a way it hadn't before, that this is happening. This isn't just a rushed hookup fueled by a little whiskey and the heady thrum of dancing together.
In the bright light of day, they're taking their time, moving slowly, checking in -- this is deliberate and intentional, not something they can write off as spur-of-the-moment or unconsidered. And it's happening, that much is clear. Neither of them is backing down now.
Taehyung seems to realize it at the same time that Jungkook does because he leans up on his elbows and turns as much as he can to wrap his fingers around Jungkook's wrist.
Jungkook meets his eyes and sees a look he can't quite decipher, something vulnerable and hesitant. He nods to show that he's listening, hopes Taehyung understands that he could tell Jungkook anything.
"I --" Taehyung starts and then falters. Jungkook runs his hand up his spine and into his hair, feels Taehyung relax under the touch. "I haven't done this in a while," he says. His voice is deep and liquid, shy, but he sounds like himself.
Jungkook doesn't quite know what to make of the sudden swell of emotion in him as the words hit him -- some mix of distress at the idea of someone else being with Taehyung like this, though of course there have been others in the last five years, as well as unmistakable arousal at the thought that Jungkook will be the one with the privilege today, the first one in some time, and pride that Taehyung trusts him enough, wants him enough to put himself in Jungkook's hands.
Despite all of that, he needs to make sure Taehyung understands. "We don't have to do this," he says. "We can still stop, or we can do something else, if you want."
Taehyung shakes his head. "I want it."
Jungkook has to force himself to breathe past everything he's feeling, taking up space in his throat. "Okay, Tae," he says again. "We'll go slow, all right? We'll take it easy."
Taehyung nods, his eyes going heavy again where they're trained on Jungkook's face, and then he lowers himself down onto the bed.
He lays down flat, turning his head to nuzzle down into the mattress and biting his lip. He brings his hands up and grips them loosely into the bedding.
The realization that he's gotten into the same position as their first time, and their last, cuts into Jungkook deeply, and he has to take a moment to recover from that and from everything else.
He tries to calm down as he runs his hands up the smooth line of Taehyung's back. Despite the weighty atmosphere, or maybe because of it, his cock is hard and heavy between his legs, and he wants to make sure he can last.
So he takes a moment to bring them both down a little, and then he leans over Taehyung to reach into the drawer of his bedside table. He quickly grabs the lube, and then after a second's hesitation, a condom.
It feels strange to use one with Taehyung -- they never have before, but then, neither of them had ever been with anyone else before. Things are different now. Jungkook pushes down the pang of regret that thought causes in him and settles back on his heels behind Taehyung, who makes space for him between his legs.
Jungkook takes another steadying breath as his eyes catch and then graze over the soft round of Taehyung's ass. Then he picks up the lube.
Taehyung's shoulders tense minutely at the click of the cap opening, but just as quickly they relax again. He still has his bottom lip between his teeth and he's chewing on it, pretty and distracting.
Jungkook swallows, shakes his head a little to clear it, and pours just the right amount of lube onto the tips of his fingers -- enough to ease the way without any extra; Taehyung doesn't like to be sticky.
He gently sets his dry hand right on the curve of Taehyung's ass and then lightly trails it down to his inner thigh, making Taehyung shiver.
With just the slightest prodding to the inside of his thigh, Jungkook gets Taehyung to spread his legs wider. He hitches his knee up further on the bed and arches to push his hips up and back.
Jungkook is pretty sure his entire heart is in his throat, but what he wants more than anything is to make Taehyung feel good, feel taken care of, so he pushes it all down. After making sure the lube is warm on his fingers, he presses two to the tight muscle where he knows that, soon, Taehyung will open for him.
At the first brush of contact, Taehyung moans, a small sound, like it just slips out of him. Jungkook glances at his face to make sure it's a good sound. It seems to be, judging by the way Taehyung's eyes have fallen shut and his brow has furrowed up, so Jungkook continues.
He starts slow, just like he promised, lightly drawing the tips of his fingers in small circles, both to help Taehyung adjust to the sensation of someone touching him there, but also just because he knows it feels nice.
Taehyung quickly sighs and relaxes into it, his shoulders sinking deeper into the mattress as he pushes his hips back toward Jungkook.
It's cute, the sort of thing that might make Jungkook laugh in other circumstances, but the air in the room is still heavy; he can hardly catch his breath long enough to fill his lungs, let alone laugh.
Jungkook keeps up the slow, rhythmic tease until Taehyung starts to get restless, twitching back against the touch like he can steal himself more stimulation, but Jungkook doesn't let him.
If Taehyung moves back, he moves back, not because he wants to torment him, but because he wants to hear him. Taehyung needs to be coaxed into being vocal, Jungkook remembers.
It works soon enough.
After a couple more minutes of the lightest pressure of Jungkook's fingertips, Taehyung isn't just moving back against the touch. His naturally low voice is pitched up and little whimpers are spilling freely out of him.
Unable to resist touching more, Jungkook splays his free hand over the small of Taehyung's back, and even though he doesn't push, it's like the idea alone of being held down makes Taehyung hot. He moans and his hips stutter in their consistent rocking.
"Tae," Jungkook calls softly. He scratches his nails lightly along Taehyung's spine to get his attention, waiting for his little nod of acknowledgment. "I'm going to start now, okay?" he asks.
Taehyung releases his lip from his teeth to whisper, "Please."
Jungkook's cock feels impossibly hard, but he ignores it, focusing his full attention on Taehyung as he slowly presses the tip of one finger into him, watching the muscle part for him easily after so much gentle persuasion.
Taehyung breathes out hard and tries to push back against it, but this time Jungkook does use the hand still held at the curve of his back to hold him in place. Taehyung whines.
Motivated by a deep-seated urge to make sure this is good -- not just good, Jungkook thinks, feeling a little wild under the surface, but the best, some of the best Taehyung's ever had -- Jungkook crooks his finger to just the right angle immediately and revels in the sound Taehyung makes, almost like a cry.
Taehyung can get off like this, he knows; the memory is seared into him, to this day one of the hottest things he's ever seen. But he doesn't want this to end too soon, so he only brushes against the right spot a couple of times before switching his focus back to getting Taehyung accustomed to the feeling of having something inside him.
There's not much of a stretch to be gained from one finger, but Jungkook makes Taehyung wait for the next one, wanting him to get everything out of this that he possibly can.
He tugs at the rim from inside, runs the pad of his thumb lightly back and forth over his perineum, then teases his prostate again for just a few, mind-numbing seconds.
Only when Taehyung seems to be mindlessly letting noises spill out of him does Jungkook say, "I'm going to give you another one now."
Taehyung tries again to push back against his hand, and once more Jungkook holds him down, but he takes that as Taehyung's answer.
As he pushes a second finger in beside the first, he has to wrap a tight grip around his own cock just to try to keep himself steady.
The fact that any part of him is inside Taehyung again after all these years is making him dizzy, almost disconnected from himself or maybe from reality in general. He's dreamt this so many times, it's hard to remember that this time it's real.
Taehyung is so hot and tight around even just his fingers, with only enough lube to help the process, not even enough to make it truly slick. Jungkook isn't able to hold back his own groan as he watches his two fingers sink slowly in, Taehyung's body already sweetly clinging to him.
This time he's more generous. He keeps the movement slow, but he rubs hard little circles into Taehyung's prostate, working him up diligently now.
It's a relentless pressure, a little ruthless of him maybe, but Taehyung doesn't seem to mind. He squirms, trying to get friction on his cock where it's trapped beneath him, trying to move back against Jungkook's fingers to get more stimulation that way, but Jungkook only holds him down all the more firmly, which just riles Taehyung up even more.
Finally, Jungkook earns the result he's been chasing as Taehyung's hands tense into fists, clutching at the duvet, his face scrunches as his eyes squeeze tightly shut, and if Jungkook looks closely, he can see the tiny glimmer of tears caught in Taehyung's long lashes.
"So pretty, Tae," he hears himself say without ever deciding to make a sound. But Taehyung's jaw drops and a low keen escapes him, so Jungkook keeps going.
"You're doing so well, taking my fingers so nice, being so patient. Beautiful, Taehyung -- the prettiest thing I've ever seen. You feel so good around me. I just want to make you feel good too, okay? Can you let me do that?"
Taehyung moans, and a small, crystalline tear falls to the mattress. Jungkook leans forward and kisses the place where it had appeared, right at the corner of his eye.
All the while, he maintains the pressure on Taehyung's prostate, until he feels the shift, everything inside him pulling tight, and at the last second he lets up. Taehyung cries out and his whole body shakes, twisting against the sheets.
Jungkook soothes him through it, strokes his back with his free hand, stays close. Just a few seconds more and Taehyung would have come untouched, all over the bedding and his own belly, but Jungkook had kept it from happening, as in tune with Taehyung's body as he would have been years ago, and it thrills him.
"Shh, baby," he whispers, as comforting as he can be, softly ushering Taehyung back down from the edge. "You did such a good job," Jungkook says, but he thinks, For me. You did such a good job for me. "So good. I'm going to give you the rest now, okay? Just relax as much as you can."
He doesn't get an answer, but he doesn't really expect one at this point. Taehyung has shed a few more tears, but when Jungkook adds a little more lube to his fingers, he spreads his legs wider, welcoming him inside.
Jungkook doesn't waste time now. Maybe, if things were different, he would push Taehyung further, see how much he could take, but this isn't the time for that, not when they're only just coming back to each other and Jungkook doesn't really know what it means.
Besides, with the position Taehyung has chosen, Jungkook knows exactly what he wants, and Jungkook wants to give it to him.
When he starts to press the third finger in, he's met with real resistance for the first time -- less, maybe, than there might have been if he hadn't pushed Taehyung so close to the edge and forced him to come back down again, working him up as much as he can, but still.
It's tight, especially without using much lube, but he knows how Taehyung feels about it and he'd rather take his time than do something that might bother him.
So he takes his time, rubs Taehyung's back, whispers to him about how well he's doing, how pretty he looks, how good he is.
And slowly, Taehyung relaxes, and his body allows Jungkook in.
Jungkook gives them both a moment to adjust once all three fingers are in place, and then he starts to work Taehyung open, urging the muscle to loosen, to make room.
He avoids his prostate now, not wanting to push him too far or overstimulate him. Instead, he focuses on stretching him without hurting him, massaging the muscle and then, once it's started to lose some of its rigidity, spreading his fingers to earn a little more give.
Finally, he thinks Taehyung is prepped enough that there won't be any pain. With a nervous tremor in his own hands, Jungkook reaches for the condom he'd left on the bed and quickly puts it on, dropping the wrapper onto the pile of clothes on the floor.
"Tae," he says softly, running his fingers through Taehyung's hair to bring him back from the mindless place he’s been floating through. "Are you ready?" he asks.
Taehyung seems to have just about melted into the mattress, but he manages a small nod. Jungkook thinks that will probably have to do. He slicks himself up, again using only just enough lube, not wanting there to be any extra that will drip or find its way to Taehyung's thighs.
And then he's there, hovering just outside of Taehyung's body, working up the courage to start that devastating slide in.
He goes slow, like he promised, holding his breath, every shred of focus on Taehyung. It seems their efforts have paid off because Taehyung moans, mouth open and panting against the sheets, but gives no hint that he's in any kind of pain or that he wants Jungkook to stop.
Jungkook sinks in steadily, easily, holding himself up by his hands pressed into the mattress at Taehyung's sides.
They both groan when he's all the way in, bodies flush to each other. It's Taehyung who reaches back, releasing his hold on the duvet to gesture with his fingers that he wants Jungkook closer.
Jungkook swallows past a wave of emotion and gently lowers himself down over Taehyung, pressing his face into his shoulder as Taehyung's fingers weave their way into his hair, holding him there.
For a moment they just stay like that, still, clinging to one another in all the ways they can. Jungkook wraps his arms around Taehyung, one under his belly and the other beneath his shoulders, wanting to feel him as close as he can.
He's so tight and hot around Jungkook that he's glad of the condom suddenly, convinced that without it he wouldn't be able to last more than a few minutes.
Jungkook feels like the raw red inside of a pomegranate, rent open in Taehyung's bare hands, all of the softest parts of him exposed.
Taehyung's grip tightens in his hair and Jungkook shifts. Taehyung breathes in through his teeth, a sharp little sound, but he relaxes immediately when Jungkook presses a kiss between his shoulders.
They take another moment, and this time it's Taehyung who moves first, a short, experimental rock of his hips that has them both making matching sounds from deep in their chests. Then, so subtly that Jungkook would have missed it if he hadn't been paying such close attention to every reaction, Taehyung nods his head.
Without lifting himself off of Taehyung at all, Jungkook pulls his hips back slightly and then rolls them forward again. Taehyung's hands clutch tighter in his hair for a moment, but when Jungkook repeats the motion, Taehyung does his best to meet it.
Held so tightly together like they are, they can barely move, but they don't have to. The closeness is the point.
Jungkook works up to a rhythm that's slow but steady. Taehyung feels so good around him, under him, that he can barely think, but now that they're here, he can let his body take over, so he does. He moves however comes naturally, and beneath him, Taehyung does the same.
He stays deep inside the whole time, unable to pull out very far without letting go of Taehyung, and they're too entwined for that. They rock together, Jungkook holding Taehyung in his arms, Taehyung with his fingers in Jungkook's hair.
Sometimes Jungkook buries himself as far as he can go and stills, angling his hips to put pressure in just the right spot, and Taehyung loses his mind, shaking in his arms, canting his hips back against Jungkook but unable to move an inch beneath Jungkook's weight.
When he calms down, surrenders, and Jungkook feels his body go pliant again, Jungkook rewards him by moving, this time circling his hips right up against him, grinding into him in the way he knows Taehyung loves.
He doesn't have to do it long. A sweet, quiet cry spills past Taehyung's lips, and once he starts, he doesn't stop.
The muscle around Jungkook clings even more tightly as Taehyung, already close after Jungkook's diligent labor earlier, draws further toward his finish. Jungkook can't help moving a bit faster, still trying to focus on Taehyung but unable to deny his body its own chase of release.
Their breathing, their heart rates, pick up in tandem. Jungkook clutches Taehyung harder. Sweat is slick and warm between their bodies but it only adds to the feeling that they're in their own world, nothing beyond this bed, only them. Only Taehyung and Jungkook.
Taehyung's hand tugs in Jungkook's hair, and Jungkook doesn't even remember how he knows what Taehyung wants, but he does.
He moves the hand currently wrapped around Taehyung's shoulder until his fingers are resting on Taehyung's plush bottom lip. Immediately he opens his mouth and hums when Jungkook slips two fingers into it, just to sit heavy on his tongue.
With his fingers in Taehyung's mouth, Jungkook feels closer to him than ever, inside him in every way he can be, all at once.
They're still moving together, Taehyung rutting into the mattress for friction and then back against Jungkook as much as he can, Jungkook following his own pleasure with the steady grind into Taehyung, and he's so overcome that all he can do is bury his face in Taehyung's shoulder and hold on.
Taehyung groans around his fingers and Jungkook realizes with a shot of liquid heat in his core that Taehyung is saying his name over and over again.
Jungkook squeezes him tighter.
"I'm right here, Tae," he says. His voice sounds wrecked, pulled up from the depths of him. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. You can let go. Let go for me, baby, come on."
And Taehyung does, Jungkook feels it.
He cries out, his mouth so wet on Jungkook's fingers, and his body grips and releases around Jungkook's cock again and again as he spills over the sheets, shuddering and fucking himself against them as his body takes over.
It's overwhelming to feel him give in so completely, and before he's even finished, Jungkook is following him over the edge, whispering his name into his shoulder, knowing and not caring that he's utterly unguarded, his adoration leaking out of him at every point of contact as he drives himself as deep into Taehyung as he can go and comes with Taehyung's name still on his tongue.
For a long moment, all they can do is breathe, still holding each other, though their grips have gone lax.
Jungkook feels his own tears forming and he lets them come, doesn't even care that Taehyung will feel them trailing over his heated skin.
Even if it doesn't mean the same to Taehyung, Jungkook wants Taehyung to know what this means to him.
When he’s calmed down a little, Jungkook wiggles his fingers in Taehyung's mouth -- pointedly ignoring the quick little dip of heat in his belly at the feeling of Taehyung's tongue on them -- and Taehyung releases them.
With a small pang of regret, Jungkook props himself up and starts to move away, to gently pull out so he can deal with the condom and get Taehyung anything he might need, but he's stopped from going anywhere when Taehyung's fingers, still woven into his hair, suddenly tighten their grip to hold him still.
He raises his head to look at Taehyung, who still has his eyes closed, face pressed down into the mattress.
Taehyung doesn't look at Jungkook when he says, in that soft, low, perfect voice, "Stay. Please?"
Hidden in his chest, Jungkook's heart does something that truly feels like melting, going all warm and soft. He feels like it could fall right out of him at any moment.
So he stays.
He gathers Taehyung up in his arms again and carefully rolls them to the side, so that at least Taehyung will be on a clean, dry spot on the bed.
Then he draws himself as close as he can behind Taehyung, keeping his arms wrapped fully around him, Taehyung's warmth still holding him as deep inside as he can, and they hold onto each other until they fall asleep in the warm sun of the early afternoon.
Notes:
This chapter was soooo challenging to write, but I think I'm happy with how it turned out? Let me know what you think!
Chapter 8
Summary:
Jungkook wakes up warm and deeply comfortable -- strangely so, considering the fact that he's sweat-sticky and still nestled inside Taehyung with a condom on.
He feels sated down to his bones, a feeling he hasn't possessed in so long that he doesn't actually remember the last time. He's so close behind Taehyung that he can smell the fruity scent of his hair.
Notes:
I feel like we need a little break from all the intensity, don't you? Hopefully this chapter is as nice for you to read as it was for me to write! Thank you, as always, for all the support!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jungkook wakes up warm and deeply comfortable -- strangely so, considering the fact that he's sweat-sticky and still nestled inside Taehyung with a condom on.
He feels sated down to his bones, a feeling he hasn't possessed in so long that he doesn't actually remember the last time. He's so close behind Taehyung that he can smell the fruity scent of his hair.
There's still plenty of light in the apartment, so it's probably only been an hour or two, but Jungkook is hungry and despite the internal sense of comfort and satisfaction, his arm is asleep where Taehyung is laying on top of it, and he wants to make sure Taehyung gets some water and a shower.
He doesn't want to pull out before Taehyung is ready though, doesn't want him to wake up alone, so with the hand that's draped over him, he gently rubs circles into his belly until he feels him start to stir awake.
Taehyung hums and stretches in Jungkook's arms, and Jungkook feels like he may just die from how full of affection he feels.
"Hi," Taehyung says, catching Jungkook's hand and squeezing it before turning to face him over his shoulder, otherwise staying in place.
"Hi," Jungkook says. "How do you feel? Are you hurting at all?" He trails his hand down to rest over Taehyung's lower belly.
Taehyung bites his lip and shakes his head.
"No," he says softly. "I feel good, Jungkook-ah." He sounds nervous, hesitant, but after a moment, he adds, "That was perfect."
"For me too," Jungkook agrees. "Perfect." It feels vulnerable to say, but he can't let Taehyung think anything less. "I'm going to pull out now, okay?"
Taehyung pouts but says, "Fine, but don't leave yet."
"I won't," Jungkook says with a laugh. He pulls out of Taehyung as carefully as he can, ties off the condom, and tosses it into the little waste bin beside the bed. Then, feeling nervous himself, he slides back beside Taehyung and wraps him in his arms again.
They lay quietly together for a couple minutes. Jungkook knows they should probably talk, and he still wants to get Taehyung water and food and a shower, since he knows he's probably not very comfortable at the moment.
Taehyung himself seems content to stay in bed for now, though, so Jungkook doesn't rush him. There's a pleasant humming inside him, like the distant buzz of music playing in another room.
He doesn't know what, if anything, Taehyung wants from this, or after it, and he thinks that maybe the whole thing is a mistake, because he knows how deeply it's going to wound him when it's over, but it's too late to take it back now -- and really, he knows that he would make the same choices all over again.
Any pain is worth this, having Taehyung in his arms again, feeling close to him again, even if it doesn't last.
Maybe Taehyung is thinking similar thoughts, because he turns fully around to face Jungkook and says, "Jungkookie."
"Hmm?"
Taehyung's eyes are focused on Jungkook's, his face clouded with emotions that Jungkook can't read.
"I know it's just temporary, being here," he says.
Jungkook's breath freezes in his lungs, but he doesn't look away.
"You have work, and I have projects coming up soon," Taehyung goes on. His eyes are so wide and soft. "But for right now, while we're here, would it be okay if we just -- have this?"
Jungkook is all tenderness, and he doesn't know whether he's going to end up cushioned or bruised. "This?" he asks.
Taehyung closes his eyes and shifts forward, closing the small gap between them and brushing his lips so softly over Jungkook's, barely there and yet that tiny touch is everything. "This," he whispers.
Jungkook’s heart is in Taehyung's hands, bloody and aching. He knows how badly it will hurt to have this for a few weeks and then lose it, lose Taehyung, all over again. He knows.
But how is he supposed to say no when Taehyung is looking at him like he has the power to destroy him with a simple word? The damage is already done, he tells himself.
And beyond all of that, he wants it. He wants this so badly, he would give anything for it.
What's a little more heartache?
"Let's just --" Taehyung says when Jungkook doesn't answer right away. "Let's just have fun together." He's talking about fun but there's still that unreadable quality to his face. Jungkook doesn't know what to make of any of this. "It's a vacation, right? Let's just be tourists together."
Jungkook doesn't know how to tell Taehyung that he could never just be a visitor in his life. Long after Taehyung has returned to his real life, left Positano and Jungkook far behind, he'll still be taking up space in Jungkook's life and mind and heart just like he always has.
"Of course," he says. "Anything you want."
#
Jungkook gets them up after that. Well, he gets up and leaves a whining Taehyung in bed to bring him a glass of cool water.
Taehyung sits up naked in the bed to drink it, quietly watching Jungkook tidy up the room. He pulls out clean clothes for both of them and gets Taehyung a towel.
When Taehyung finishes his water, he hands the glass back to Jungkook with a shy smile that confirms for Jungkook that any amount of pain in the future is worth being here right now, like this.
He gives Tae the towel and tells him to take a shower, and to his surprise and pleasure, Taehyung takes it and goes without a fuss, pausing for a moment to press a quick kiss to Jungkook's cheek as he passes by.
When Taehyung gets out of the shower a few minutes later, he's in Jungkook's clothes, which sends a little thrill down Jungkook's spine.
Jungkook hands him his phone and tells him to order whatever he wants for food, and then he goes to take his own shower.
He tries to think about the implications of what he's just agreed to with Taehyung, but it fast devolves into remembering, in all its treasured detail, the time they'd just spent in bed. The way Taehyung had looked, the way he'd felt, how he had cried, and cried out, and not let Jungkook pull away from him for even a second.
And Jungkook knows all over again that he never could have made another choice, and so he'll simply have to face the consequences when they come.
In the meantime, he should enjoy this as much as he can.
Jungkook emerges from the small tiled bathroom, feeling clean and cool, to find Taehyung back on the couch, the two mugs refreshed with new, steaming tea and perched on the coffee table.
He's got his feet pulled up on the couch cushions and he's scrolling on Jungkook's phone. It's strange how affecting it is to see Taehyung using his phone, but it tugs at something in him, something possessive that's pleased to see Tae at home using his things, and also something rooted in the regret that lives deep in the core of him, because it's so familiar and so distant at the same time.
"Done!" Taehyung calls, setting the phone next to Jungkook's tea on the table. Jungkook notices that this time, the two mugs have been set down directly beside each other.
"What did you order?" he asks. He sits down, leaving a few inches of space between them, just in case, but Taehyung immediately grabs his wrist and yanks him closer so that they're pressed right next to each other.
"You'll see," he says. "It's a surprise."
He goes for the remote but Jungkook snatches it away from him and opens Netflix again. Taehyung pouts and Jungkook laughs, and when it's like this, he can almost imagine what it would be like if this didn't have an end date.
Jungkook doesn't restart the drama they'd been watching earlier. Instead he backtracks to the main menu and selects Taehyung's new movie from the "Recommended for You" section. Then he sits on the remote before Taehyung can take it back.
Taehyung immediately play-punches him, which Jungkook easily deflects, but otherwise he doesn't grumble too much -- at least, not until they're through the first ten or so minutes of the movie and Taehyung's character is introduced.
It's a romance, and it's new enough that Jungkook hasn't seen it yet, so he's completely unprepared for the way Taehyung is styled for the role.
He's playing a nerdy man with limited social graces who is taken under the wing of a beautiful young, social butterfly of a woman.
She's meant to be helping him win back his ex, but by the end of the movie, she'll have fallen for him instead. He's supposed to be funny-looking before the big makeover, Jungkook supposes, but of course there's no way to make Kim Taehyung look bad .
So clearly the stylists settled for burying him in every article of cliché tacky clothing at once: thick glasses, an oversized sweater, jeans that don't suit his frame. He's buried in clothes, and even then he looks adorable, but it's clear from Taehyung's reaction as he watches himself step onto the screen that he hates it.
He cringes and groans and covers his face with his hands, and even though it's really not that bad, Jungkook can't help laughing at his theatrics.
On the screen, his character stumbles through a confrontation with his coworker, and then makes a fool of himself in front of his boss, and finally is forced to suffer through a humiliating phone call with his ex. The real Taehyung keeps his face covered the entire time.
"Do you cover your face at your premieres too?" Jungkook teases.
Taehyung's muffled voice filters through his hands to say, "I don't have to sit through premieres next to you."
It hurts a little, because if they had never broken up then maybe Taehyung would have been doing just that for all these years, but Jungkook can tell that Taehyung means it's more embarrassing because he cares what Jungkook thinks, and that soothes the sting.
It's hard to focus on the movie with the real Taehyung sitting right next to him on the couch. Daringly, Jungkook drapes his arm over Taehyung's shoulders, holding him close. Taehyung sinks into it, even takes his hands away from his face to instead hide himself in Jungkook's shoulder every time he's on screen.
For the most part, it isn't difficult to watch Tae act in a romance movie with him tucked in beside Jungkook on the couch -- far less difficult than usual -- until the love scene, which makes Jungkook's stomach squirm.
That is, until he glances at Taehyung and sees how comically pink his cheeks have gone, which makes Jungkook laugh. It makes Jungkook laugh a lot.
He cackles, delightedly, which only makes Taehyung flush even darker, consequently making Jungkook laugh even harder. He laughs for so long and so hard that eventually he starts coughing. He only calms down when the food arrives at the door, several minutes after the scene itself has ended.
Taehyung gets up to grab it, shooting Jungkook a dirty look that sets him off again, but he manages to pull himself together when Taehyung arrives with the food that he ordered by surprise: Korean, all of their favorites.
It's only when Taehyung gives him a sheepish grin and sits down again that Jungkook realizes it's been years since he laughed like that.
They watch the rest of the movie while they eat, picking food from each other's dishes with their chopsticks, reveling in the familiarity of it all.
Jungkook watches the Taehyung beside him at least as much as the one on the screen, admiring his cheeks rounded with food, his greasy, pouty lips. Before today, Jungkook wouldn't have thought it possible to miss seeing someone eat, but he's missed absolutely everything about Taehyung, it turns out.
When the movie ends, they take care of their trash and leftovers and then find themselves back on the couch, but they don't start another one. They sit in the middle, facing each other, leaning against the backrest with their legs folded beneath them.
They talk. They talk like they haven't talked in years, even since reconnecting days earlier.
It's like many of their boundaries have come down after spending the afternoon in bed together. Not all of them, maybe, but more of them.
They don't talk about their past, and they don't talk about the future, but they start to catch each other up on what they've missed, acknowledging for the first time in words just how absent they've been from one another's lives for so long.
They talk about little things, like where they've been spending holidays and which new countries they've visited. They talk about their families, Jungkook's brother getting married, Taehyung's sister getting a job in Tokyo.
They talk about their hyungs, Jimin's new baby ("She's the most precious thing in the world!" Taehyung says. "Other than Tannie, of course."), the Grammy Yoongi finally won last year and how much he'd cried when he called to tell them -- a phone call Jungkook had accidentally-on-purpose missed.
They talk about bigger things, brush over topics lightly that could be upsetting, testing the waters. When Jungkook starts laughing at Taehyung's sex scene in the movie all over again, Taehyung hits him with a pillow and asks, "Have you ever tried it?"
"What?" Jungkook says, still laughing. "Pretending to have sex in a movie?"
Taehyung hits him with the pillow again. "Sleeping with a woman," he says.
Jungkook wrinkles his nose and shakes his head before he realizes the implications of Taehyung asking.
"Have you?" He tries and fails to keep the incredulity out of his voice.
"Once," Taehyung says. Jungkook must look shocked because he laughs. "I was lonely! And I thought, I don't know, don't knock it 'til you try it, I guess."
It's weird and sort of awful to talk to Taehyung about having sex with other people, but Jungkook can't help but be curious, and there's a way in which it's sort of hot too.
Besides, he wants to know everything about Taehyung, and if that means hearing about the people he's slept with since that stopped being Jungkook, then so be it. He'd certainly had his share of hookups over the last five years.
"How was it?" he asks.
Taehyung makes a silly face, one that Jungkook has no idea how to read, but then he laughs and says, "Not for me."
Jungkook takes a deep breath, steels himself, and says, "Has there been anyone? Anyone serious, I mean."
For a moment, Tae looks away from him, biting at his thumbnail. When he meets Jungkook's eyes again, he shakes his head.
"I travel a lot," he says. "And I'm always working. I don't really have time to see anyone much."
"Me neither," Jungkook hurries to say. "No one serious, I mean."
"I know." Taehyung seems to realize what he's said and blushes. "I make Jin-hyung give me updates," he admits.
A warm little flower blooms in Jungkook's chest at the idea that Taehyung has been keeping tabs on him.
"Why Jin?" he asks, curious and not wanting to draw attention to the fact that he hadn't done the same.
Taehyung shrugs. "Jimin is too invested," he says. "I could barely talk to him about you without him --" Taehyung cuts himself off and doesn't continue that line of thought.
"I could ask Yoongi or Joon, but they're so busy and you're so busy, a lot of the time they didn't know what was going on with you anyway. Hobi just -- it hit him really hard, everything. I didn't want to make him think about it."
"So, Jin."
"Jin," Taehyung agrees. "He always seems to know what's going on with you, and he knows what I'll want to hear."
Which means there are things he doesn't want to hear. Jungkook isn't sure what to make of that. He takes a different tack when he speaks.
"Jin calls me all the time," he says. "That's why. Sometimes he even calls me from numbers I won't recognize just to get me to pick up. And then once he's on, he doesn't let me go for ages. You'd think we never talk, but he calls me for like an hour every week."
Taehyung is looking at him with an expression Jungkook hasn't seen in such a long time that as soon as he notices it, he stops speaking.
It's so fond, adoring even: a small, private smile and soft eyes. To be on the receiving end of that look again stops Jungkook in his tracks. He can't even remember what he'd been saying.
They look at each other for a moment, maybe thinking about everything still unsaid between them, maybe thinking about everything new that they're learning about each other, maybe thinking about nothing at all, just enjoying the quiet of the night that's faded around them as they've been too wrapped up in one another to notice.
"Jungkookie," Taehyung says eventually, "can I ask you something?"
Jungkook nods.
Taehyung leans against the back of the couch, propping his chin on his hand. His eyes are steady on Jungkook's face, watching him for any trace of emotion he can read, which he can do better than most, Jungkook knows.
"Why don't you sing anymore?"
It's a bigger question than simply asking why he doesn't work on music, or why he hasn't put anything out, even collabed with other artists. It shows that he's noticed the absence of singing in Jungkook's life in a way that has nothing to do with work.
"I don't know," Jungkook says, which is kind of a lie and kind of the truth.
The truth is that it isn't something he thinks much about either way. He doesn't think about doing it and he doesn't think about missing it -- but it is an absence, a noticeable one. There's an empty space in his life where singing used to be, just like there's an empty space where Taehyung used to be. He can't bring himself to admit how closely they're related.
"Usually it just doesn't occur to me to sing anymore," he says. And then, before Taehyung can follow that thread too far down a path Jungkook doesn't want to go, he says, "What about you? You haven't worked on music at all. The world never got your solo album, after all that work."
Jungkook had been there for so much of the work Taehyung had done on that album, helped him with English translations, harmonies, gave his opinion on which melodies worked better than others.
It had been so close to being finished, finally, when they'd agreed to go their separate ways. Jungkook had looked out for Taehyung's name on the music charts for months before finally figuring Taehyung must have decided to work more on it, maybe to scrub Jungkook's influence.
Then he'd started appearing in movies and dramas under the name Kim Taehyung and "V" never put out any work again.
"I just couldn't," Taehyung says. He looks so sad suddenly. It makes Jungkook want to touch him, and after a second he remembers that maybe he can now, at least while they're here.
He reaches out and runs his fingers through Taehyung's hair, brushing it back from his face, as comforting as he can be. Taehyung's eyes flutter shut and he leans into it for a moment before continuing.
"I couldn't work on it without you, the album. Any time I tried to think about making something new, it just seemed so hard without your help. Then the band wasn't getting back together, and it was easier to try other things. Acting is fun. Modeling is fun. And they didn't make me think about -- about anything I didn't want to think about."
Jungkook nods. It breaks his heart all over again to know that, at least in the beginning, it was directly because of him that Taehyung stopped working on music, but he understands.
They go quiet again after that, for a few minutes. It's a weighted silence, but not an unpleasant one.
Taehyung draws little patterns into the knee of Jungkook's sweats with the tip of his finger.
Jungkook takes the opportunity just to look at him, let his eyes roam freely over Taehyung's face, his pretty eyelids, handsome jaw, bold brows that can make him look like the sweetest lost little lamb or some sort of sex demon sent to Earth for the sole purpose of ruining Jungkook specifically.
"I have another question," Taehyung says eventually, without looking up to meet Jungkook's eyes.
Jungkook hums, still a little lost in Taehyung's features. As a result, he sees the exact moment that Taehyung's expression shifts, going blank, intentionally smoothing out to hide whatever it is that he's feeling. It gets Jungkook's attention properly.
"What is it?" he asks.
Taehyung still won't look at him as he says, "Do you ever regret it? I mean, do you ever think maybe it wasn't worth it, to try to be together? With the way everything happened. Like, maybe it would have been better just to -- just to never know. What it could be like."
Jungkook understands what Taehyung is asking, but he wishes he didn't. He thinks a cracked rib might hurt less.
He's been in that place before, wondered if they'd only ever been meant to long for each other, if they'd never stood a chance at making it in a real relationship.
But had he ever regretted trying?
"No, Tae," he says, with all of the gravity he feels. "No, I never regret it. Whatever else happened, those months with you were the best of my life."
He has regrets, yes. Things he wishes he'd handled better, pain he'd caused others that he wishes he could take back. He regrets not trying harder. He regrets not listening when Taehyung said that maybe they should give themselves another chance.
But he can't regret trying in the first place. Not when it would mean never having known what it felt like to love so deeply, to be so sure of being loved just as well in return, to believe in fate and destiny and magic because of how purely, perfectly happy he had been, even for that short amount of time.
Taehyung's eyes are huge and open when they finally meet Jungkook's again. They don't hide a thing.
"Me neither," he says. "I don't regret it either."
#
They stay up talking on the couch for long enough that the night turns cool around them. At one point Taehyung makes them each a fresh cup of tea, and a little while later, Jungkook finds a light blanket in the closet and they cozy up together underneath it.
It feels familiar but new at the same time, to sit casually together talking about their lives. They have so much to catch up on, everything from Jungkook's grandmother dying to Taehyung adopting a cat.
("You hate cats!" Jungkook points out with a laugh, surprised and somehow delighted by this news.
"She was abandoned, Jungkook!" Taehyung says. "What was I supposed to do, leave her out in the rain?")
It's strange to be talking about such mundane and monumental things in the same breath with Taehyung of all people -- strange because once upon a time, they hardly needed to tell each other anything; they were both there for everything, after all.
And it's all the stranger because for five years, they hadn't spoken at all, not one single time, about so much as the weather.
They talk for so long that eventually Taehyung yawns his huge yawn, something Jungkook had thought not so long ago that he would never get to see again, and finally he checks the time on his phone.
"Wow," he says, and turns his phone to show Taehyung the time: 4:08 AM.
"Shit," Taehyung says, but he's smiling.
Jungkook thinks about the bed, still messy from earlier. He thinks maybe it wouldn't be too much to hope for that Taehyung would be willing to spend the night with him, but he's suddenly nervous to ask.
What's more, he doesn't want this to end. What if the spell is broken when they sleep and the sun rises on a new day? What if Taehyung decides he would rather go back to the way things were before, or even leave Positano altogether? There's nothing keeping him here.
An idea pops into his head, and he must grin because Taehyung's gaze catches on his face and he asks, "What?"
"Remember how I said the beach is empty if you go early enough?"
#
Twenty minutes later, Jungkook is leading Taehyung by the hand down to the small strip of public beach close to their building.
During the day, the whole space will be covered with folding chairs, every inch taken up by tourists. There are private beaches that belong to various clubs sectioned off along the coastline, but Jungkook prefers to be here when no one but the fishermen are around.
Taehyung kicks off his sandals as soon as they reach the sand, so Jungkook does the same. They don't let go of each other's hands.
Because of the way the beaches are sectioned off to mark out the public from the private, they can't walk far along the water, but it doesn't matter. They go down to where the gentle waves lap the shore and wade out ankle-deep.
Then they just stand there, hand-in-hand, watching the little fishing boats out on the horizon, the sky only just beginning to lighten with the still-hidden sun.
They stand quietly together for a few minutes before Jungkook catches Taehyung's expression turning mischievous from the corner of his eye. He turns just in time to be splashed in the face with ocean water.
He splutters but recovers quickly, leaning down to retaliate.
Taehyung cheats though, of course. He lets go of Jungkook's hand and jumps out of the way before Jungkook can splash him back, and then Jungkook is drenched as Tae manages to get another good scoop over him. He shakes his hair out like a dog, knowing that this, at least, will reach Taehyung.
Tae giggles as Jungkook wipes the water out of his eyes and glares at him, though he imagines the effect of the expression is diminished by his pout. He'll have his revenge, though, and Taehyung seems to realize it too.
"No, no, no!" he says, holding up his hands in a defensive posture, backing slowly away from Jungkook, grin big and boxy.
He makes an ill-conceived attempt to hop out of Jungkook's reach, but he slips and Jungkook catches him easily around the waist. Then he bends to scoop Taehyung up beneath the knees as well.
They're both smiling now, knowing what's coming, unwilling to stop it. Taehyung is still fighting to get out of Jungkook's grip as Jungkook heaves him into the water.
Taehyung refuses to let go of him, so they go tumbling in together, popping out of the sea at the same time, still clinging to each other.
As Jungkook listens to Taehyung's loud, buoyant laughter fill the still-dark morning, he's sure of two things: that it's the most beautiful sound he's ever heard, and that he was a fool if he'd ever thought that someday he would stop being in love with him.
Notes:
Ahhh honestly I loved reading back through this chapter. You can pry my mushy, sentimental Taekook out of my cold, dead hands lol they are SOFT and I will have it no other way!
I'm sorry this chapter is a bit on the shorter side, especially after the last one, but I hope you enjoyed it! Sunday's chapter is quite long (and fun imo) so stay tuned!
Chapter 9
Summary:
"How do you just get hotter all the time, Kook-ah?" Taehyung asks from his seat a couple feet away from where Jungkook is steering the small motorboat they've rented for the day.
Jungkook grins, cocky and pleased.
It's another beautiful day in Positano, the sun shining bright and high overhead, the water blue and sparkling and stretching out for miles in every direction except back toward the beach.
Notes:
Helloooo~! I'm really excited to share this chapter. It's probably the most self-indulgent chapter of the whole fic, but I'm really pleased with how it turned out, so I hope you enjoy it!
Content notes for chapter nine: There is some very slight feminization in this chapter, just so you're aware. It's only the use of a petname, and it's implied that it's one both parties have used and enjoyed in the past, but I didn't want to skip mentioning it just in case that might bother anyone.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"How do you just get hotter all the time, Kook-ah?" Taehyung asks from his seat a couple feet away from where Jungkook is steering the small motorboat they've rented for the day.
Jungkook grins, cocky and pleased.
It's another beautiful day in Positano, the sun shining bright and high overhead, the water blue and sparkling and stretching out for miles in every direction except back toward the beach. If Jungkook squints, he can almost make out their building looking down from the cliffside.
When he'd first offered to show Taehyung around the town days earlier, he'd wanted to show him the best that Positano had to offer, and that meant that they had to go out on the water. It's not enough just to swim along the crowded beachfront. The best of Positano is the sea that borders it.
It's been a couple of days since they stayed up all night talking on the couch, getting to know one another again, and ended up on the beach at sunrise.
After pulling themselves out of the ocean and laughing their way back to Jungkook's apartment, they'd stripped out of their soaked clothes, too exhausted to shower again, and simply fell into Jungkook's bed together.
They slept in each other's arms still salty from their impromptu dip in the sea and hadn't woken up until the middle of the afternoon.
It took them a couple of days to get their sleep schedules back to normal -- days they spent together, lazing around in bed, cuddling, kissing, taking showers together, making ramen and eating it in front of the drama they'd started and gotten distracted from so easily.
They got distracted from it a few more times during those couple of days.
It's good -- feels so good just to be near Taehyung, spending time with him, listening to him talk about the little things that strike him as interesting, watching his face move from clouded and confused to lit up with understanding when Jungkook explains something.
Everything about being with him feels good. The only thing that causes Jungkook any pain at all during those days is knowing that it's going to end.
They don't talk about that though. They embrace the time they have just like Taehyung had suggested. They don't discuss their past, and they don't worry about the future. They simply enjoy each other right now, and it's so easy that most of the time, Jungkook doesn't even have to try not to think about it.
"I'm serious, Jungkookie," Taehyung says now.
He's in a pair of swim shorts, sitting on one of the benches that line the sides of the speedboat Jungkook insisted that they rent. He's lean and golden in the bright sun, looking so perfect and tempting that it's an effort for Jungkook to keep steering the boat instead of giving it up just to touch him.
"How did you actually get hotter over the last few years?"
Jungkook preens but tries not to show it. It's a hot day, even out on the water, but he'd be lying if he tried to claim that to be the only reason he'd abandoned his shirt. He knows what the look of his muscles and tattoos have always done to Taehyung, and he's gained more of both in the last few years.
He plays it off with a shrug. "I work out," he says, like it's no big deal.
Taehyung snorts and shakes his head, because he knows "I work out" probably means that Jungkook spends hours every week in his home gym, which he does. He's always liked to maintain his appearance, and the exercise helps keep him sane anyway.
As Jungkook steers the small boat further out to sea, he's intimately aware of Taehyung's eyes on him. It's like his attention tingles over Jungkook's skin, as warm as the summer sun.
They've fooled around a lot over the last couple of days, sometimes lazily and sometimes more enthusiastically, but there's one thing they haven't done yet and Jungkook wants it bad.
In fact, he's half-convinced that Taehyung has been avoiding it on purpose just to drive him crazy, and if he has been, then it's been working.
He's woken up the last two mornings painfully hard after dreaming about what it will feel like to have Taehyung inside him again, and he's sure that Taehyung knows .
He's always been good at picking up on that sort thing, but there's also something teasing about the way he's always suggested something other than the thing Jungkook is so desperate for -- and of course, it's not like his other suggestions haven't been perfect in their own ways, so what's Jungkook supposed to do?
"Maybe I shouldn't be surprised that you somehow know how to drive a boat now too," Taehyung says. His eyes are roving lazily across Jungkook's chest, down and then up again, snagging on his lips before finally meeting his eyes.
Jungkook laughs.
"It's called steering," he points out. "And it's not very hard. They'll let anyone rent one of these."
It's the truth, but it's also not the only option. He could have paid a little extra to have someone else come out with them and manage the boat, so that they could simply focus on spending time together.
Jungkook had considered it, but he found that he wanted to be alone with Taehyung, and he didn't much like the idea of anyone seeing him look the way he does right now either.
Besides, this way, once they're far enough out, maybe Jungkook will have a chance to try to get Taehyung to cave and fuck him already. At this point, he feels like he's going to vibrate right out of his skin with how bad he wants it. It's like torture seeing that big, beautiful cock every day and not having the chance to get it inside him.
"Kook-ah," Taehyung calls. "Jungkookie. What're you thinking about?"
Jungkook only realizes he'd been spacing out when his eyes snap up to Taehyung's and he sees the smirk on his face. Jungkook pouts; Taehyung knows exactly what he's thinking about.
"I don't want to tell you," he says primly, which only makes Taehyung smile wider.
He nods and lets it go, turning to lean against the side of the boat and watch the world speed by.
There aren't many people out on the water today, and even fewer this far from the beach, so Jungkook is able to steer and still keep his eyes on Taehyung a lot of the time, which is good, because he isn't sure he'd be able to tear his eyes away if he had to.
The thing about Taehyung is that his beauty doesn't diminish over time spent with him. There's no way to really ever get used to it, because it shifts and changes so much by the day, by his mood.
He can be small and sweet and lovely in the morning and almost unsettlingly confident by the afternoon, and Jungkook is as entranced by him as he's always been.
Today there's something about him, the way he's carrying himself, that has Jungkook on edge with anticipation. Every time he feels Taehyung's gaze pass over him, it's hot. He looks at Jungkook like he's hungry. Jungkook has been walking around all day with the constant simmer of arousal humming just below his navel.
It's almost surreal how easy it's been to fall back into sex with Taehyung, but then again, maybe it shouldn't be a surprise. Sex had always been easy for them.
Chemistry and compatibility had never been their problems. It had been everything else that came with being in a relationship which had proven to challenge them: the communication, navigating situations where they weren't on the same page, committing to working through problems rather than simply ignoring them in the hope that they would go away or work themselves out on their own.
He'd like to think they've matured since then, but they're pointedly not talking about it, so maybe they haven't matured as much as Jungkook would like to think.
Jungkook has a specific destination in mind and it only takes a few more minutes to reach it. They round a small curve in the rocky outcropping of coast that cradles Positano and suddenly it's as though they're alone in the world.
They can no longer see the village or the beach or anyone else on the water. It's just them, the sun, and the sea. Taehyung looks up at Jungkook and there's a little more of that childlike innocence, that awe at the beauty of the world that comes so naturally to him.
It occurs to Jungkook that he probably has the same expression looking at Taehyung that Tae has looking at the cove, but it's not his fault. Taehyung is easily one of the wonders of the world, Jungkook is sure.
Taehyung stands up to see better and Jungkook watches him take in the view. He can almost smell the heat of the day, heavy and laden with the salt from the sea, a clean, bright scent.
"Wow," Taehyung says, drawing out the word as he turns to take it all in. His eyes are squinting against the sun and his smile is boxy and brilliant.
Jungkook smiles back. It's a moment that doesn't need words, one of those perfect instances where they understand each other without needing to grope for language.
For a few minutes they simply stay close to each other and take in the world around them, occasionally meeting each other's eyes to share in the easy delight of it.
After a while, though, the sun starts to get a little too hot and Jungkook feels sweat prick at the base of his spine. He moves to the back of the boat, unable to resist brushing up against Taehyung as he goes, despite the heat.
"You're coming too, right?" he asks over his shoulder.
"What?" Taehyung says. He turns to face Jungkook and looks genuinely confused.
"Into the water," Jungkook clarifies.
Taehyung glances over the side of the boat, looking dubious.
Jungkook narrows his eyes at him in an attempt to look threatening, though he's too soft for his own good and it probably doesn't work.
"Come on," he says. "You can't come out here and then not go in the water."
Taehyung does not appear convinced.
"Are there, like, sharks in there?" he asks. He's visibly nervous, so Jungkook doesn't want to tease him, but he feels so ridiculously stuffed full of affection that he can't help grinning.
"Probably not," he says, "but I'll be in there too. If we see any, I'll punch them for you."
Jungkook isn't sure it's the promise of defense or just the idea that Jungkook would punch a shark for him, but Taehyung finally joins him at the back of the boat.
He's still nervous, so Jungkook presses a quick, soft kiss to his bare shoulder and then jumps into the water alone. He pops up, breaking the surface and tossing his hair back out of his face with a smile.
"How is it?" Taehyung asks. He has a complicated expression on his face, one that might be a mix of admiration and apprehension. It's warm and sweet, like the honey-rich tea he's been drinking at Jungkook's apartment.
"It's nice," Jungkook says, which is the truth. The water is shallow and clear enough to be warmed by the sun, but still cool enough to feel like a relief. "Come on," he urges. "I'm right here with you."
He treads water and watches Taehyung gather his courage. His heart tugs in his chest. This is one of those things he's always loved about Taehyung. It isn't that he doesn't feel fear, not remotely.
For Jungkook, being daring has always come easy. It's like he trusts his body and the world around him to work themselves out, and so it doesn't bother him to take the leap. When it comes to the physical stuff, it's simple for Jungkook.
For Tae, it's different. He gets nervous, scared, worries that things won't work the way they're supposed to -- but always, every time, he finds the strength to face down whatever scares him and take the plunge anyway.
With his eyes scrunched shut, he jumps off of the back of the boat and into the waiting water. Jungkook makes sure to be the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes.
They swim around, staying fairly close to the boat for Taehyung's comfort, for a while. There are some caves nearby that Jungkook had considered checking out, but he doesn't think Tae will be enthused about the idea and he doesn't want to push him too far outside his comfort zone.
So they swim lazily in and out of the shade of the cliffs -- into it when they get too warm in the sun, and then back out again when they start to cool off. Taehyung looks beautiful with his hair slicked back out of his face by seawater, and yet the entire time they bob around each other, Jungkook can feel Taehyung's eyes on him.
The afternoon slips easily by. It feels good to use his body, and Jungkook takes every opportunity to show it off, basking in the attention he's getting.
He swims away from him, ducking below the surface and making a game of where he'll reappear. Then he comes in close again, lets Tae wrap his arms around his shoulders, kisses the saltwater off his lips.
He's teasing, but it feels indulgent, a syrupy sweet push and pull, made all the sweeter by the feeling of Taehyung's hands on his waist, trying to keep him close.
Surrounding his body, holding him up, the sea feels alive and vibrant and like it was made for them alone. The sky is round and deep above them, cupping them in its strong hands, adding to the sense of isolation.
Jungkook feels slow in his limbs but quick in his blood, like he's only just contained within himself. For this span of a few days, nothing matters except for the moment at hand. Jungkook can have anything he wants, and Taehyung is everything.
It's a mindset as easy to sink into as the warm, crystal blue water -- so easy he can almost pretend it belongs only to these perfect days, and not to every wretched moment of his otherwise lonely life.
"Jungkook-ah," Taehyung calls to him. Jungkook has swum a small distance away, but at the sound of Taehyung's voice, deep and insistent, Jungkook goes back to him.
Taehyung catches him in his hands, drawing him close by his waist, and Jungkook doesn't resist the urge to wrap his legs around Taehyung's hips. Taehyung kisses him and there's nothing sweet about it. He fucks his tongue into Jungkook's mouth so that all Jungkook can do is open to it, letting him in.
Immediately the quiet thrum of heat that's been in him all day rouses to demanding life. One of Taehyung's hands slides from his waist down to grip his ass through his swim shorts and Jungkook grinds against him without meaning to. Taehyung pulls back to look at him with a grin.
"Something you want, princess?" he asks, one eyebrow cocked.
Heat rushes to Jungkook's cheeks at the name. It's been a long time since he's heard that one, and it's stupid how quickly, how much, it affects him.
"You know what I want," he mumbles.
Taehyung laughs, a low, pleased sound that coils heavily in Jungkook's belly and just makes him want even more, even harder, than he already has.
He knows that if Taehyung has his way -- and he will, Jungkook knows that too -- then he's in for a long afternoon. He just wishes Taehyung would give him something , some promise, at least, of what's to come, but of course, Taehyung would rather keep him on his toes.
All Jungkook can really do is continue to give Taehyung what he wants and hope for the best. Fortunately for him, giving Tae what he wants has always come naturally to Jungkook, easy as breathing.
Taehyung's eyes trail unselfconsciously over Jungkook's face, and he licks his lips like it's his body's natural response to what he sees.
Jungkook has had his share of experiences since he and Taehyung broke up five years earlier. He'd come out of that situation a twenty-five-year-old with a strange amalgamation of relationship experience. Not only had he only ever dated one person, he'd only ever kissed one person, let alone had sex.
Even those physical experiences had been different from the norm: an intentional, heart-wrenching first time when they knew they couldn't really be together, followed by years of infrequent hookups when they broke down and couldn't resist the temptation anymore, and ending with a year's worth of wild, mind-bending sex when they could finally be together freely, fueled by all that youth and pent-up lust.
They'd indulged themselves in anything and everything they could think of, happier than they'd ever been and high on each other, on getting to have each other in every way they'd ever imagined in those long years of forced separation and distance for the good of the band.
It remains to this day both the best and most creative sex Jungkook has ever had, but in the time since then, he's had plenty of it.
He's had relationships that lasted as long as a few months because he'd gotten along well with the guy and the sex had been good. He's thoroughly ironed out what he likes and what he doesn't care for.
He's hooked up with strangers at work events and clubs, and he's gone on dates with men his mother set him up with. He's toured solo and had adoring fans find him after his shows.
And still, no one on Earth -- and Jungkook has come across a fair few of them in his life -- has ever made him feel even half as desired as he does when Taehyung looks at him like he is right now.
Taehyung holds him by his waist and his hair and kisses the breath right out of him. The physical stuff is easy, he thinks again, but this, with Taehyung, is so much more than merely physical.
He could drown in Taehyung long before he would ever drown in this ocean, and he wouldn't even mind. Taehyung seems to know it too, gripping Jungkook tightly because he knows how Jungkook loves it.
They kiss until Taehyung starts to falter, because even with the ocean supporting a lot of Jungkook's weight, it's difficult to tread water for two people. When he pulls back, though, his expression is only that much hungrier.
He gently pushes Jungkook off of him, which is good because Jungkook is too dazed to let go without prompting. They swim back to the boat with their shoulders brushing.
As soon as they haul themselves back onto the deck, Taehyung is on him. He shoves Jungkook down onto his back, cushioning his head at the last second against the palm of his hand so he doesn't bang it against the ground.
Then he uses that vantage to grip his fingers into Jungkook's hair and yank his head back, exposing his throat.
Jungkook groans and Tae responds by licking a long stripe up his neck, lapping up the saltwater still clinging to him. When he reaches his ear, he tugs on the piercings there with his teeth.
"You've been wanting something, hmm Jungkookie?" he says, his voice so low and quiet against Jungkook's ear it's like it's coming from inside him, resonating in his soul. Jungkook wouldn't be surprised if his soul sounded like Taehyung, now that he thinks about it. "Tell me what it is. Tell me what you want."
"You know," Jungkook says again, but this time it comes out as a whine.
"Mmm," Taehyung hums, keeping close, trailing his free hand down to play idly with one of Jungkook's nipples and then giving it a brief, sharp pinch. "Maybe I do, maybe I don't," he says. "Won't know until you tell me."
Despite himself, despite everything, Jungkook laughs, a breathy little thing that fights its way out of him through the arousal that's melting his insides, because Taehyung is so many things, and one of them is the person who makes Jungkook laugh the most.
"Come on, Kook-ah," Taehyung continues. "I can't give you what you want if you don't tell me what it is."
Somehow Jungkook doubts he's going to give him what he wants either way, at least right now, but he recognizes that this is a losing battle. Taehyung's nimble fingers give his nipple one final tug and then drag lightly down his chest and belly before gripping him suddenly through his wet shorts.
"Oh," Taehyung says, sounding genuinely surprised to discover how hard Jungkook already is. "Guess you really do want it, huh?" He keeps his hand outside Jungkook's clothes, but he begins to stroke him through them with just enough pressure to have him rapidly heading to full hardness. "But I know you can be a good boy and ask for it, can't you, Kook-ah?"
Fuck , he knows Jungkook so well -- maybe too well, he thinks wryly.
Taehyung breaks through the last of Jungkook's resistance when he leans up over him, gets so close like he's going to kiss him, and then stops at the last possible second, holding his perfect mouth just out of reach, using the hand still twined in Jungkook's hair to keep him pinned against the deck of the boat, unable to lean up to take what he wants.
Taehyung hovers over him, letting Jungkook feel him breathing, and Jungkook melts, turning to liquid in his hands.
"Please," he whimpers.
"Please what?"
Jungkook groans. At least, he means for it to be a groan, but it comes out more like a tortured whine that is utterly humiliating to hear in his own voice, and yet that thought alone makes him feel even more out of his mind with how badly he wants this.
"Fuck me," he finally moans, giving in. "Please, please, please , Tae, fuck me, please–"
Taehyung cuts him off with a kiss. Their tongues meet before their lips do. He doesn't relinquish his grip on Jungkook's hair, holding him back, holding him down, leaving him open for Taehyung to take and use however he likes, which he does.
Jungkook's entire body feels like light. He thinks if he could see himself, he'd be glowing. He can feel his blood. It's hot as the sun on the water and it's beating like music.
"Good job, Jungkook-ah," Taehyung says when he pulls back after, Jungkook is pretty sure, kissing him to within an inch of his life.
Tae's voice sounds ruined, low and rasping, wrestled up out of him like he has to look for language when there are better things for his tongue to be doing.
"As soon as you get us safely back home, I'll be happy to give you exactly what you want."
#
Jungkook doesn't know if he's more chagrined, annoyed, or amused as he has to steer them back to the boat rental spot with a raging erection. Or maybe he'd just turned on, it's hard to tell at this point.
Taehyung makes sure he stays enmeshed in the confusing mix of emotions though, pressed up close behind him at the controls, biting and licking at the join of his neck and shoulder, occasionally reaching around to grip him through his shorts.
He makes it his personal mission to keep Jungkook as worked up as possible. Jungkook's admonishments that it's dangerous to steer the boat while so distracted go unheeded.
Taehyung does relent when they get closer to shore and there are more people around, maybe to protect their eyes, maybe to protect their lives, Jungkook isn't sure, though he's grateful either way.
He tries his best, he really does, to glare at Taehyung as he adjusts himself in his shorts before going into the boat rental storefront to return their key, but Taehyung meets his eyes, utterly shameless and visibly delighted, and Jungkook can't help the way his entire soul rolls over for it.
As soon as the key has been turned in at the desk, Taehyung is dragging Jungkook away, back out into the sunny afternoon and through town toward their building.
Despite the heaviness of the atmosphere on the boat, they giggle like teenagers as they race through the village, their t-shirts clinging uncomfortably to their sticky skin.
Taehyung doesn't let go of Jungkook's hand as they reach the building, hurtle through the foyer, run up the stairs and down the hall to Jungkook's apartment. He doesn't let go when Jungkook fumbles to get the key in the lock either.
As soon as they're inside and the door is shut behind them, Taehyung uses the same grip to drag him across the room. Jungkook is barely aware of what's happening as Taehyung's wide palms find his shoulders and shove him down to the bed.
Jungkook's breath is punched out of him by the impact, and before he can catch it again, Taehyung is on top of him, replacing it with his own.
He tears Jungkook's t-shirt back off over his head and throws it to the floor without a glance. Watching what he does with the shirt would mean looking away from Jungkook, and based on the look on his face, he would rather do anything else right now than that.
He runs reverent, appreciative hands over Jungkook's toned stomach, up to his pecs, across his shoulders and down his arms, where finally he wraps his own long, elegant fingers around Jungkook's wrists.
"You're so much bigger now, Kook-ah," he says in the most dangerous voice he possesses. His grip on Jungkook's wrists tightens. "But you're still my good boy, hmm; still my princess, aren't you, Jungkook-ah?"
Slowly, deliberately, he raises Jungkook's wrists over his head, pressing them down into the pillows.
Jungkook swallows down spit and emotion and arousal all at once. He's flooding, threatening to spill over at any moment. He can feel how wide his eyes are as they fix on Taehyung and he nods.
Taehyung hums in acknowledgment, approval.
"That's good," he says. His eyes are dark and his gaze is heavy.
He hasn't even done anything yet and Jungkook can feel himself slipping under. All he wants in the whole world, in this moment, is for Taehyung to have whatever he desires. Jungkook will happily give it to him.
More than that, he hopes Taehyung will take it so he can prove just how happy he is to give it up.
Taehyung leans back, strips Jungkook's swim shorts off of him, and tosses them in the direction of the hamper, though judging by the wet smack when they land, it doesn't sound like they make it.
Jungkook obediently leaves his hands over his head, which he can see pleases Taehyung. Seeing his satisfaction makes the base of Jungkook's spine tingle.
He's completely naked now, laid out, arms up, all of the softest parts of him vulnerable to Taehyung's whims.
Tae takes a long moment just to look at him, and Jungkook wonders if he's doing it entirely for his own sake or if he knows what this does to Jungkook.
He's so hard between his legs, but Taehyung only spares that a brief glance, focusing more of his attention on the rest of Jungkook's body and on his face. It makes Jungkook feel dirty and wanted, like Taehyung is surveying him to decide on the best way to use him. He bites his lip, restless with the waiting, wanting to be good and patient.
Finally, Taehyung has either decided he's waited long enough or he's looked his fill. He strips out of his own clothes and scoots further up the bed to reach into Jungkook's bedside table drawer where he knows by now that Jungkook keeps his lube and condoms.
Too late, Jungkook remembers what else he keeps in there.
With a grin that is entirely too cheeky, Taehyung pulls out the sparkly turquoise dildo that, in all important ways, truly bears a striking and unmistakable resemblance to certain parts of his own anatomy. He raises an eyebrow at Jungkook but Jungkook can only blush furiously in response.
Fortunately, Taehyung seems to decide it's a topic that would be better left for later. He chucks the toy back in the drawer and settles once more on the bed.
He looks over Jungkook again, no doubt trying to decide what he wants to do with him.
When he opens the bottle of lube, Jungkook's stomach jumps in excited anticipation, but Taehyung puts only the smallest dab of it on his fingers. Jungkook pouts, despite all his lofty thoughts about wanting to be good and give Taehyung everything he wants.
"Aww," Taehyung coos and laughs, spreading the tiny bit of lube between his thumbs and fingers on both hands, warming it up.
Jungkook has no idea what he's planning on doing with it until Taehyung straddles his waist and reaches out to touch both of his nipples at once.
Immediately Jungkook arches into the touch, and he has to clench his hands in the pillows to keep them still.
Very lightly, Taehyung sweeps his fingertips over Jungkook's nipples in little circles, the small amount of lube making the contact slick and easy and extra sensitive.
He pinches them both between his thumbs and forefingers and rolls them gently. Jungkook twists underneath him, not sure if he wants to push up into the contact or try to escape it.
For all that Taehyung keeps the touch light, barely even there, the sensation is overwhelming. Jungkook is beginning to think it's somehow more affecting because of how gentle Taehyung is being.
After a couple minutes, he's so sensitive that the touches are just on the right side of the line between pleasure and pain, and by the look of concentration on Taehyung's face, he knows it.
He doesn't keep it up for too long, just long enough that Jungkook's nipples are a vibrant pink and his mind is pleasantly blank.
His awareness of himself and the world around him have narrowed down to sensation -- the plush duvet beneath him, Taehyung's weight on his body, those two points of contact where Taehyung is touching him so gently and yet mercilessly -- and the sight of Taehyung on top of him.
When Tae seems to decide that Jungkook has had enough, he crawls back off of him and reaches for the lube again.
"What was it you said you wanted?" he teases.
But Jungkook is done playing. If Taehyung wants him to talk, he'll talk.
"Fuck me," he says, too far gone by now for his voice to come out sounding anything other than breathless. "Please," he adds, for good measure.
Taehyung smiles down at him but doesn't say anything, so Jungkook keeps going, trying to anticipate what he wants to hear, knowing that his growing desperation is probably exactly what Taehyung wants anyway.
"Please, Tae, I want it."
"You want it?"
" Yeah ," he says, and damn, even he can hear how pathetic he sounds, but that's part of Taehyung's power: he doesn't even care.
At this point, he'll do just about anything, no matter how ridiculous it makes him feel. It isn't doing anything to quell the pool of heat between his legs. If anything, it only stokes it hotter, makes him that much more willing. Taehyung has always known exactly how to play him, really.
"Come on, baby, you can do better than that," Taehyung taunts him, sounding like he can do this all day. He's the one with all the patience, Jungkook the one desperate enough to do or say anything. "Tell me what you want."
Jungkook whines, but he obeys, of course. "Your cock, fuck ," he says. "Or your fingers, I don't even care, just put something in me."
Taehyung laughs, and it shouldn't be hot, but Jungkook is worked up and in love and starving for this, for him . The one. The only one. His heart is full but the rest of him is empty and has been for so long. He needs this.
"Okay, okay," Taehyung says, looking so endeared that it soothes Jungkook somewhat.
Still, he doesn't quite believe that Taehyung is relenting until he takes Jungkook's ankle in his grip and guides him to move his leg up and out of the way.
He hasn't told Jungkook that he can bring his hands down yet, so he simply folds his leg up as close to the mattress as he can. Taehyung grabs one of the pillows and lifts Jungkook's hips to slide it beneath him, propping him up a bit.
Despite all of his own reservations about being sticky, Taehyung has never shied away from Jungkook's proclivity for a little mess. This time when he pops open the bottle of lube, he's generous with it.
Jungkook's heart rate picks up speed as he watches the glossy substance glide down over Taehyung's beautiful fingers. The thought that he's about to have them inside him has him biting his lip and lifting his hips, arching, trying to relieve some of his restlessness, trying to entice Taehyung to touch him.
Taehyung watches Jungkook's face as he smooths the pad of his thumb over Jungkook's hole, spreading some lube there and lighting up the nerves.
It's a pleasure that is immediate but builds softly, in some ways the opposite of how it feels inside, and Taehyung indulges it for a moment, just making Jungkook feel good.
Jungkook is about ready to start begging for more again when Taehyung pulls his thumb away and presses his first two fingers there instead. He glances at Jungkook's face to make sure he's ready, but he doesn't make Jungkook say it again.
Unlike Taehyung, who doesn't get anything for himself out of a little pain and who'd said it had been a while for him since he'd done this, Jungkook has always enjoyed skirting that edge, toeing right up to the line where fuck yes give it to me becomes too much .
Taehyung seems to remember this, because he doesn't mess around, goes straight to pushing his two fingers past the tight little ring of muscle, slow but inexorable, forcing Jungkook's body to open for him.
Jungkook groans as Taehyung's lovely fingers sink into him. He's been wanting this for so long that it feels more like relief than anything else to have them there, to have the promise that not only is he going to be filled up, it will be Taehyung doing it to him.
It's like now that he has this much, he can be patient. He relaxes back against the mattress, feels his body go lax as he surrenders to Taehyung without even needing to decide to do it. It's muscle memory.
"You're doing so good, Kook-ah," Taehyung says, finally looking away from Jungkook's face to instead watch his body split around his fingers.
The vulnerability of it is a shock, one that's almost uncomfortable, but Jungkook doesn't mind it. He's been in this situation with countless strangers at this point and never batted an eye, at least not after the first couple of times.
Now here's Taehyung, the first person who ever saw him this way and the only person who had for a long time. Strange that it feels like so much more now. Suddenly it's not enough to be merely good; he wants to be perfect for Taehyung.
Maybe he says it out loud without realizing it, or maybe they really do share telepathy. Maybe Taehyung just knows him that well, because as he follows through on that steady pressure and buries his fingers as deep as they can go inside him, he says, "So perfect, Jungkook. You're perfect."
He opens his fingers a couple of times, stretching Jungkook out, but doesn't spend long on it. Maybe he can tell that Jungkook is relaxed enough not to need the extra prep, especially with the amount of lube he likes, keeping everything slick and easy.
Taehyung adds a third finger after just a couple moments and Jungkook lets out a happy sigh at the feeling. He loves how easily his body takes him.
"Jungkook-ah," Taehyung says, gently calling him back. His eyes are once more intent on Jungkook's face as his fingers work him open. "Do you want it like this?" he asks. He no longer sounds teasing, like he's just as affected by this as Jungkook is, which makes both Jungkook’s heart and his cock ache. "Or do you want more first?"
With a shot of heat straight to his core, Jungkook understands Taehyung is asking him if he wants to be fucked now, or if he wants Tae to add a fourth finger, leave him tight or get him all opened up so Taehyung will be able to take him smooth and easy.
His brow furrows as he tries to think about it, fighting through the gummy pleasure settling in him. They would both be so good, that's the thing. So many different kinds of ways to feel good, and Taehyung is an expert in all of them.
"No wrong answer, Kook," Taehyung reminds him. His voice dips soothingly deep again and he rubs his free hand in calming circles over Jungkook's lower belly, his fingers working inside him all the while.
“I like you both ways,” he says. "I like you clinging to my cock, and I like you loose and sloppy. You're perfect for me any way. Every way. I'm going to take you apart no matter what, Jungkook-ah. All you have to do is tell me how you want it."
Jungkook moans, nods, his eyes on Taehyung's, wanting him to know that he understands. And with the extra clarity in his mind granted by Taehyung's reassurances, he's able to think of the one point that matters in this exact moment: if he forgoes further prep, he won't have to wait any longer for Taehyung's gorgeous, perfect cock.
"Now," he says. It's almost funny how eager he sounds, but Taehyung isn't laughing anymore. "I want it now, Taehyung-ah."
"Okay," Taehyung says, seeming a little surprised but not at all displeased. He swallows and Jungkook watches his throat move.
Taehyung gently takes his fingers out of Jungkook's ass, the excess lube making the motion feel filthy in a way Jungkook can't help but love. There's a wet little sound that goes straight to his cock, laying untouched and heavy against his hip.
He watches Taehyung's nimble fingers take the condom out of its wrapper and roll it quickly onto himself. Then he grabs the lube again and Jungkook shakes, he's so excited. He feels a little ridiculous, but he can't bring himself to care too much.
The thought of Taehyung finally fucking him again after all this time is enough to make him scream and cry and beg, so he thinks he's holding it together pretty well, all things considered.
Taehyung slicks himself up with his eyes still on Jungkook's face, watching him. He smears a little extra lube over Jungkook's hold for good measure. Already he can feel it on his thighs.
Before Taehyung even has a chance to ask him if he's ready, Jungkook says, " Yes , Tae, now, give it to me now."
Taehyung smirks but does what Jungkook asks.
The initial breach of his cock into Jungkook's body pulls and aches like taking a punch, and Jungkook fucking loves it.
" Fuck ," he says, drawing the word out as Taehyung sinks inside, aided through the tight cling of muscle by the surplus of lube.
Taehyung goes slow but steady, not pausing to give Jungkook time to adjust, but making him feel every inch, every second, of that initial glide. He feels so big, so different from anyone or anything else. Nothing can capture this feeling. His cock is fucking magical.
Taehyung is magical, a miracle, a blessing. Jungkook doesn't know how to express any of that, but it seems important that Taehyung knows, so he tries.
"Fucking -- magic cock, Tae," he manages, which makes Taehyung laugh. Jungkook can't even blame him. "Spread so wide, I --" his voice catches as his body twitches on Taehyung's cock.
He's stopped moving as he's bottomed out and it's like Jungkook is too overwhelmed to think or move but too stimulated to stop, all at the same time.
With a low hum that's almost but not quite a groan, Taehyung leans down over Jungkook so they're pressed close. It has the added benefit of putting pressure directly on Jungkook's prostate too, which makes him moan and shiver even though Taehyung hasn't even started moving yet.
"That's it, baby," Taehyung tells him, speaking the words against Jungkook's throat, trailing his lips along his jaw to his mouth. He keeps talking as he starts to move, fucking into Jungkook slowly at first but quickly building up speed.
"Let it out. Let me know how good you feel." He licks at Jungkook's mouth, not even a kiss, and Jungkook opens for that too. He gives Jungkook his first real thrust and Jungkook cries out. Taehyung swallows the sound down like only Jungkook's unfettered noises can calm the hunger in him.
"Love it when you whine for me, Kook-ah, love when you babble for my cock like a little bit of dick is enough to turn that big brain of yours stupid. Is that right, Jungkook? You just want someone to fuck you dumb, is that it?"
Jungkook grits his teeth at the onslaught of sensations and emotions, keens from deep in his chest. Overhead his hands grip the soft pillows, and his legs come up without prompting to wrap around Taehyung's waist, his toes curling.
It's true, all of it, except that Taehyung has one part wrong -- the most important part. He shakes his head.
"No?" Taehyung asks, that dangerous voice back in place.
"Not someone," Jungkook manages to get out in a whisper. "You."
He may be pretty far gone, but he doesn't miss the spark of satisfaction in Taehyung's expression. He fucks Jungkook that much harder in response, like hearing Jungkook tell him that it's for him that he's like this has him losing control.
Taehyung is still holding himself just over Jungkook, and now he nips at his jaw, nudges their noses together in a gesture that's downright sweet in comparison to everything else he's doing, the relentless stroke of his cock in Jungkook’s body, the way he's been talking.
"Open up," he says, right against Jungkook's lips.
Jungkook's belly flips. He opens his mouth with a second's hesitation.
Without stopping or even slowing down, Taehyung pulls back just enough so that Jungkook can see him, eyes wide, as he lets a shining trail of spit slip from his mouth onto Jungkook's waiting tongue.
Jungkook's cock leaks, something deep inside him twinges with liquid heat, and he has to fight to keep his eyes open and locked with Tae's, but it's worth it to see the look of gratification on his face.
Jungkook knows his own face is bright pink, but he holds Taehyung's spit on his tongue and lets the twin sensations of timidity and embarrassment rush over him and through him.
He loves it. He feels open in every way, split and used with Taehyung inside him, possessing him, in all the ways he can.
Even at their best, it's always been hard for him to tell Taehyung just how big his feelings are, but this he can do. He can let himself be bared to him, he can give up control, he can let Taehyung take it.
He can release his hold on his own body and let Taehyung use it however he likes; he can sink down into it and disappear beneath the surface.
He can be desperate for Taehyung. He can be out of his mind with desire and adoration for him.
Jungkook may not always know what to say. He may not always make the right choices. But this -- this is something he can give, a way to express just how deep his feelings lie, how brightly, how vibrantly, how ecstatically he loves.
And there's nothing more satisfying that he's ever found than seeing all of this reflected back at him from his favorite face in the world.
Because if Taehyung wants him like this -- if Taehyung wants Jungkook not just at his polished, but at his messiest, not just at his clever, but at his whining and begging -- then Jungkook has just as tight a hold on him.
Taehyung swoops in and kisses him, more tongue than lip, licking his own spit deeper into Jungkook's mouth. Jungkook stays open for him, gives him his tongue, tries to make it clear with every inch of his body, every breath in his lungs, that he would give Taehyung anything and everything he is.
They're beyond language now. Taehyung's hands reach up and find Jungkook's where they've remained obediently buried in the pillows. He twines their fingers together and holds them tight. Jungkook clings to him with everything he has. Their bodies move on their own, all instinct and memory, driving each other closer and closer to the edge.
Taehyung closes the last of the small distance between them to bury his face in Jungkook's shoulder and the little bit of friction from his body against Jungkook's cock is enough to finally tip him over.
He comes with Taehyung's name snared in a cry and tears in his eyes, and whether it's the sound of Jungkook surrendering or the way his body clenches that drags him down too, Taehyung follows just behind him, rocking and grinding into Jungkook until they're both shaking with oversensitivity, still holding each other as close as they can.
Notes:
See what I mean about this one being self-indulgent? lol
Honestly Taehyung calling Jungkook "princess" came completely out of nowhere. I had no idea I was going to write that, but it just sort of happened and I kind of loved it, so here we are.
If you enjoyed this chapter, please let me know! I feel a little tender posting it because I guess it doesn't really progress the story much, but I really wanted to include it and I had so much fun with it.
Chapter 10
Summary:
Taehyung hides a breathless laugh in the warm crook of Jungkook's neck. They're still holding each other, damp with sweat, smelling like the ocean they'd spent the morning swimming in. Taehyung hasn't pulled out yet and Jungkook is basking in the feeling.
Notes:
Ooh boy there's a lot going on right now - I hope this chapter gives you a nice little distraction if you need it!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Taehyung hides a breathless laugh in the warm crook of Jungkook's neck. They're still holding each other, damp with sweat, smelling like the ocean they'd spent the morning swimming in. Taehyung hasn't pulled out yet and Jungkook is basking in the feeling.
"Worth the wait?" Taehyung asks, smug.
There are a lot of things Jungkook could say to that. Things like it would be worth waiting forever , or I can't believe you made me wait all week , or I can't believe you made me wait five years .
He settles for a blissful sigh and a thoroughly contended, "Yeah."
Taehyung laughs again. He pulls back enough to press a kiss to Jungkook's lips.
"Feel okay?" he asks. He uses the hold he still has on Jungkook's hands to bring them down to his sides so his arms can relax.
"Perfect, Taehyung-ah," Jungkook says. He groans and squirms a little, enjoying how well-used his body feels. "No one fucks like you, you know." It doesn't feel like giving up much of himself to say it. It seems obvious, especially now that Taehyung has seen his favorite toy.
Taehyung's cheeks go the sweetest shade of pink though, and Jungkook feels his own nose scrunch as he grins. How can anyone talk to him the way Taehyung just had and then blush like that? Taehyung is too cute and Jungkook is so far gone for him.
"No?" Tae asks, sounding genuinely curious.
Jungkook meets his eyes, feeling maybe just a little bolder than usual, with Taehyung's cock still deep in his ass.
"No, Tae," he says. "Not even close."
Taehyung looks pleased. He kisses the spot just beneath Jungkook's bottom lip. At first he thinks Taehyung somehow missed his mark. Then he realizes he kissed Jungkook exactly where he'd meant to: on the little mole just under his lip, the one he's always liked best.
It causes a painful tugging in his chest and suddenly he's afraid he's going to start crying again, this time without sex as an excuse, so he thinks about sex some more instead, and something pops into his head.
"Hey," he says.
"Hmm?" Taehyung sits up a bit and finally pulls out, as gently as he can.
It leaves Jungkook immediately feeling empty and weak in a way that has less to do with the physical sensation than the sense of being less close to Tae all of a sudden.
Taehyung ties off the condom and tosses it into the wastebasket.
"Can you still -- you know?"Jungkook asks with a quirk of an eyebrow and a pointed glance down Taehyung's body.
It takes Tae a second to understand what he means, but Jungkook knows he gets it when his face flushes all over again. He nods, suddenly shy. Jungkook is filled with so much cottony affection he might actually choke to death on it.
"Can I do it?" Jungkook asks. He doesn't try to hide his eagerness. He wants Taehyung to know how much he wants him.
Taehyung's eyes are wide as he bites his lip and nods again. Jungkook sits up, his hands finding Taehyung's shoulders and guiding him down onto the bed, though he directs him a little to the left of where Jungkook had been lying, to keep him away from the lube and sweat.
Jungkook can't get hard again this soon, but his stomach swoops in joyful anticipation as he picks up the lube.
He gets some on his fingers, just enough as always, and looks at Tae. He seems a little nervous, excited too, so Jungkook leans down to kiss him softly.
"You know it's okay to want this, right?" he says. He waits for Taehyung to nod before adding, "You know I think it's hot?" Taehyung nods again. "Okay," Jungkook says. "Good. Because I think it's about the hottest thing I've ever seen."
Finally Taehyung seems to relax, Jungkook's words soothing over him. He lies back into the bed and spreads his legs.
Excited, Jungkook picks up one of Taehyung's legs and wraps it around his own waist. Then he reaches down and performs a slightly abbreviated version of the prep he'd done for Tae days earlier when they'd fucked again for the first time.
This time, Taehyung opens more easily, relaxes into it faster as Jungkook presses one and then two fingers into him. He focuses on utility for now, getting Taehyung open enough for this to work, stretched enough that it won't hurt at all.
Then Taehyung's breath is hitching as Jungkook eases a third finger into him, adds a tiny touch more lube, and crooks all three fingers at once to press up against his prostate.
Taehyung immediately arches and cries out. So close after his orgasm, it's overwhelming.
Jungkook eases up the pressure but keeps his fingers inside, soothing Tae with gentle sounds and a hand on his lower belly. He bends forward and takes Taehyung's cock into his mouth, just to add another kind of pleasure.
He knows Taehyung likely won't get hard again, but that's okay, even adds to it in some ways. Taehyung's hands thread into Jungkook's hair, and as Jungkook begins to carefully rub circles into Taehyung's prostate, he throws his head back with a low whine.
Once he's adjusted to the stimulation, Jungkook pulls off his cock so he can watch more easily. He takes his time, wanting to make sure it feels good and not like too much. He knows the overstimulation is part of it, but he wants to carry Taehyung down into it and then through it as gently as he can.
Jungkook keeps a light pressure on Taehyung's prostate consistently for the first few minutes, stroking it in small circles, slowly working him back up.
When he starts to moan and rock against Jungkook's hand, clenching his own into the blankets, Jungkook shifts to pulsing his fingertips against it at a slow but regular rhythm.
He watches with satisfaction as Taehyung's cock, heavy and soft but still so big where it lays against his hip, starts to leak. Just tiny drops at first, milky and sticky. He wants to touch it, wants to lick at it, but more than that, he wants to watch it drip languidly onto Taehyung's lovely skin.
"You're leaking, Tae," he says, his own voice coming out low as he watches, heat stirring between his own legs all over again.
Taehyung makes a sound halfway between a whine and a groan. It doesn't seem that he's going to be doing much talking for now, Jungkook notices with a grin.
"So pretty," he adds.
Unable to resist anymore, he leans down and licks up the bit of pre-come that's already dripped onto Taehyung's hip. The brush of his tongue over heated skin surprises Tae and he bucks up against it, which results in a firmer press of Jungkook's fingers to his prostate.
He makes a sound like it's been punched from deep inside him and twists his hips, which only adds to the pressure. Jungkook shushes him, urges him quietly to try to calm down, holds him against the bed with a hand laying heavy on his navel.
"Did you like that?" he asks, hoping Taehyung can hear the smile in his voice even through the haze.
Taehyung bites his lip and nods.
"Me too." Jungkook digs his fingers in harder, changing up the pattern now, stroking in tight circles, back and forth, and finally hitting him with quick, hard little digs and jabs.
Taehyung whines and tries to twist again, but Jungkook holds him down, makes him take it until he's whimpering and there are tears at the corners of his eyes.
"That's it, Tae," Jungkook says, entranced. "You're doing well. So good, baby. You're close, I can feel it."
Taehyung groans and a couple of tears fall. Against his soft tummy, his equally soft cock is drooling steadily.
Jungkook feels like he's losing his mind.
Inside Taehyung, his prostate has become a hard little bundle, swollen from the abuse it’s taking from Jungkook's fingers, pulling tight in preparation of release.
"That's good, Tae," Jungkook encourages him. "You're so beautiful like this."
He bites his tongue to hold back what he really wants to say, hearing it echo around his own head. I love you. I love you. I love you so much.
It gets louder and louder as Taehyung's teeth grit, his leg tightening where it's wrapped around Jungkook's waist, and his body squeezes Jungkook's fingers like a vice as his cock spills in weak pulses over his belly. Jungkook loses his breath watching it.
There's something so stunning about Taehyung's body wringing a second orgasm out of him so soon after the first, early enough that he can't even get hard again.
Jungkook wishes he could know what it feels like -- it looks overwhelming and intense, and Taehyung always goes all pliant and weak after -- but he wouldn't trade getting to see Taehyung like this for anything, let alone having the privilege of bringing him to this place himself.
As Taehyung comes, Jungkook stops moving his fingers, but he keeps a still, light pressure on his prostate until his cock finally stops dribbling out come. Then he quickly lets up, not wanting to cause any pain, but gives Taehyung a moment to adjust before gently pulling his fingers out.
While Taehyung catches his breath, Jungkook laps up the come across his tummy.
He knows Taehyung is returning to himself as much as he will be for a few minutes when he feels his fingers thread into his hair, stroking a couple of times before settling.
Jungkook finishes up and stands. He takes Taehyung's hand and pulls him up too, knowing that as much as he loves to cuddle, he has way too much lube and come and spit on him right now to be comfortable for long.
"Let's get you cleaned up," Jungkook says to him, not expecting an answer and not getting one.
He drapes Tae's arm over his shoulder and wraps his tattooed arm around his waist. The heat pooled in his own belly swirls, gratified, at the feeling of taking care of him. It's warm and indulgent and Jungkook wishes he could bottle it to sip on whenever he wants.
He brings Taehyung to the bathroom and gets them into the shower together. It's the first time they've showered at the same time since meeting again in Positano, and it makes Jungkook's heart ache that something once so familiar is his again -- even if only for a little while.
Taehyung is soft and docile in the shower, moving where Jungkook puts him, following along with every suggestion.
He blinks and his eyes are heavy. He watches Jungkook for everything and doesn't say a word, just lets Jungkook take care of him, and it makes Jungkook feel a deeper sense of peace than he's felt in a long time.
By the time they're both clean, Taehyung seems a little more alert. He stands without support while Jungkook dries him off in a fluffy white towel.
Even though Jungkook is sure he could manage it himself at this point, he lets Jungkook dress him in a pair of Jungkook's own sweats and an oversized t-shirt.
He throws some clothes more carelessly on himself and leads Tae out to the couch. He's about to go make them some food when Taehyung pouts at him and holds out his arms.
Jungkook can't help but laugh. He gives in, of course. Taking his place beside Taehyung, he hides a smile when Tae all but crawls into his lap. They order takeout, and neither of them leaves the couch until the food arrives over an hour later.
#
The next day, it rains. It's the first rainy day since Taehyung first arrived in Positano.
They spend the entire day in and out of bed, playing and exploring each other like they had when they were kids, teenagers newly in love, young adults newly free – now older, wiser, more experienced, and still fitting so perfectly together, like they'd been made as fate's own puzzle pieces.
Jungkook tries to make breakfast and Taehyung makes a point of getting in his way constantly, pushing his buttons, riling him up, testing his limits. Playing a game Jungkook remembers well.
He keeps it up until Jungkook snaps, grinning despite himself, abandoning the half-finished food on the stove to drag Taehyung to the bed and pull him face down over Jungkook's lap.
He yanks Taehyung's sweats down to reveal his perfectly soft, perfectly round ass and smacks it -- lightly, because it isn't about pain, it's about the play, and the power.
It’s about the way Jungkook can set his hand between Taehyung's shoulder blades and force him to lie still until Jungkook has decided he's been punished enough.
Jungkook spanks him until Taehyung's laughter shifts into little gasps and moans and he's squirming in Jungkook's lap. Then Jungkook lays him down and sucks him off, feeds his own come back to him on his tongue.
They end the day when, on a whim from Taehyung buoyed by uncontrolled fond indulgence from Jungkook, they gather every pillow and blanket from both of their apartments and turn the living room into a giant blanket fort. They sleep beneath it in a nest of cushions and wake up to a rainbow outside the balcony windows.
#
The days pass in a heady mix of sex and fun and more peace than Jungkook had ever believed he would have again.
Taehyung gets on his knees in the shower and lets Jungkook fuck his throat for a truly impressive minute-and-a-half without pausing to breathe once. He makes Jungkook come on his face by keeping a tight grip on his balls and tugging.
Jungkook starts to feel anxious about not getting any work done in nearly two weeks but doesn't want to stop spending time with Taehyung. As soon as Tae realizes what's bothering him, he offers to come with him to the studio.
They ride there on the moped together, Taehyung tucked up close behind Jungkook, one arm around his waist and the other over his shoulder.
At the studio, Jungkook shows him what he's come up with so far. Taehyung watches avidly and offers thoughtful praise, gets up to work through the tricky parts with him, asks questions to help Jungkook untangle the bits he isn't sure of.
On a cooler than usual evening, Taehyung uses Jungkook's favorite toy on him, fucking him with it, thoroughly breaking him down, teasing him the entire time, even though Jungkook can see how hot it makes him that Jungkook missed his cock so much he had to find the closest thing to it that he could, and then proceed to carry it all over the world with him.
Sun shining bright through the kitchen windows one morning, Jungkook moves around cooking breakfast while Taehyung cuts up fruit for them to share on the balcony. Every few slices, Taehyung eats a piece and then puts another into Jungkook's mouth.
Jungkook starts to hum a mindless tune as he chews, something from memory that he can't place, and Taehyung joins in, harmonizing effortlessly. Jungkook doesn't realize that he's even done it until Taehyung stops to giggle and kisses his cheek. He can't remember the last time he sang anything.
Jungkook fucks Taehyung against a wall, holding him up. Taehyung laughs delightedly the whole time, feeding Jungkook a constant stream of praise as he clings to his shoulders. Jungkook sucks a bruise into his throat.
Taehyung says, "Fuck, Jungkook, no one fucks me like you do, princess, you're so fucking hot," and Jungkook hides both a blush and overwhelmed tears in Taehyung's shoulder.
They start going to the studio almost every day, if only for a few hours at a time. Taehyung helps Jungkook with enough of the choreography that Jungkook jokes he'll have to give him a credit on the finished product.
Sometimes they get distracted and just dance together. Sometimes they get distracted and don't dance at all, making out against the mirror or singing impromptu noraebang.
On the second rainy day, nearly three weeks after the first, neither of them want to leave the apartment, so Taehyung spends an entire afternoon seeing how many times he can edge Jungkook before he starts to cry (three), before he begins to shake without stopping (five), and finally before he begs through sobs to be allowed to come (eight).
When Taehyung finally lets him, he comes harder and longer than he ever has in his life, and Taehyung is there the whole time, whispering filthy words of encouragement and appreciation into Jungkook's mouth.
In the studio, Taehyung shyly tells Jungkook that he's been working on a melody in his head. He's sprawled out on the linoleum floor, gazing up at the ceiling. Jungkook tells him to sing it to him, and he does.
It's beautiful -- simple and lovely and fragile, somehow, a delicate thread of song. Jungkook wants to gather it up in his hands, help to weave it stronger.
"It's good, Taehyung-ah," he hears himself say. "You should do something with it."
Taehyung meets his eyes, the shared gaze heavy with significance. He doesn't say anything, but he nods, and for the next few days, Jungkook hears him humming the scrap of song at random moments, slowly braiding it into something that could last.
On the bed, Jungkook thrusts into Taehyung, clinging to his shoulders, their foreheads together as they breathe into each other.
They haven't broken eye contact in several minutes, but suddenly Taehyung drops his head back against the pillows, glances down at Jungkook's lips, and opens his mouth, softening his tongue, letting it speak his intentions without saying a word.
Jungkook's stomach flips as he realizes what he wants; it isn't something he's ever asked for before, but Jungkook knows . He leans up and spits into Taehyung's open mouth.
Taehyung moans when he swallows, and when they've finished, he asks Jungkook if they can do "that thing he likes."
It's been five years, but again, Jungkook knows exactly what he wants. He pulls out and before Taehyung's body can readjust, he slips two fingers into him. Taehyung sighs, content, and they fall asleep together with Jungkook's fingers tucked snugly inside.
Without much consideration for those that came before, or for those that will come after, a month passes. It's one of the best of Jungkook's life, but as it draws to a close, it becomes more and more difficult to ignore the truth that every individual day brings them closer to an end.
#
Jungkook and Taehyung are sitting on the couch together one gloomy day, a little too warm to really cuddle so their legs are tangled together in the middle of the seat, when Taehyung gets a call from his agency. He goes back to his own apartment -- hardly used at all in the last month -- to take it.
As soon as the door is shut behind him, Jungkook's own phone is in his hand. He's been putting this off for so long that it's become a constant anxiety chewing at the corner of his mind.
Usually he can make excuses to avoid it, because it's not exactly a conversation he can have with Taehyung right there, and he and Taehyung have been together almost constantly for weeks. Still, there have been opportunities, and it's not like he couldn't have made them himself.
Now, though, he thinks it would feel worse to put it off any longer than just to get it over with.
Despite how wrapped up he's been in Taehyung, he's kept his promise to Jimin to be more of a presence in the group chat -- he's even been better about calling home, checking in on his brother and parents. He hasn't told anyone about what's been going on with Tae though.
He's sure the hyungs know at least some of it. Taehyung has probably mentioned it at least to Jimin, though Jungkook can't begin to guess how much detail he's been doling out. Probably not much, or he suspects Jimin would have been blowing up his phone this entire time.
The thing is, he's in way over his head. He's known for a while what he needs to do, and he's scared shitless of doing it. Even now, he almost chickens out and dials Jin instead, but at the last second he wrestles his thumb to Namjoon's name and hits the call button.
After several rings, there's still no answer and the call ends, directing him to voicemail. Jungkook hangs up, but before he can decide whether he's more relieved or disappointed, his phone is ringing and it's Namjoon's name on the screen.
"Hey, hyung," Jungkook says when he answers, trying to sound casual and failing miserably.
"Jungkook-ah?" Namjoon says, and damn, Jungkook really must not call much if this is how everyone answers when he does.
"Yeah, it's me," he says.
"What's wrong?"
"Does something have to be wrong for me to call you?" Jungkook asks, a tad defensively.
"Of course not," Namjoon says. Jungkook hears the sound of papers shuffling on the other end of the line. "But I can hear you pouting."
Jungkook pouts harder.
He doesn't immediately say anything because he doesn't know what to say. He knows he needs help, and he knows that he needs to be better about asking for it when he needs it, but he doesn't even know where to start.
He picks at his thumbnail and stares into space and waits, trusting that Namjoon will find a way to get him where he needs to go. The silence stretches for a long moment and seems to grow more tense with every second.
Finally Namjoon says, "Is this about Taehyung?"
Jungkook sighs, which he figures is answer enough. Apparently it is because he hears the quiet creak of leather, like Namjoon has leant back in his chair, probably crossing one arm over his chest, or rubbing his chin with his free hand.
"You two have been spending time together," he says. It isn't a question.
"How much do you know about it?" Jungkook asks, feeling silly and young and pushing it down because he knows he needs this.
"Not much," Namjoon tells him. "I think Tae finally admitted it to Jimin just to get him off his back. He hasn't said anything to the rest of us, as far as I know."
There's a hesitance to his words that's out of character, and Jungkook realizes it's because he hasn't allowed any of his hyungs to so much as mention Taehyung to him in five years.
Jungkook is impressed with their collective ability not to mention this thing – whatever it is that he and Taehyung are doing – if they've known for a while. Then again, maybe they would rather not touch that whole topic with a ten-foot pole. He wouldn't blame them.
He takes a deep breath and steels himself to admit, "Well, we've been..." but he can't bring himself to say it.
"Sleeping together," Namjoon fills in.
Jungkook flushes but he mutters an affirmative.
To his shock and chagrin, Namjoon chuckles. "Yeah, I'm not surprised," he says. "Honestly I'd be more surprised if you were in the same city and you didn't end up in bed."
"Hyung!" Jungkook says.
"Sorry, Jungkookie," Namjoon says, "but I spent years trying to wrangle the two of you away from each other. One of the hardest things I've ever done actually. Nothing I did or said was enough to keep you apart for long. Cleaned up a lot of messes -- figuratively and literally. I think we're a bit past embarrassment on this subject at this point, don't you?"
"I guess," Jungkook mumbles, glad that Namjoon can't see his mortified face.
Jungkook waits for Namjoon to lay into him, in the most Namjoon-y way, for being a fuck-up and ruining everything, but he doesn't. He takes a moment, maybe to think through what he does want to say. He seems to decide to take the gentle approach.
"I'm guessing you're calling me because you're confused?" he says, and he poses it like a question, giving Jungkook room to think through his answer.
Jungkook hears himself make a humorless sound masquerading as a laugh.
The thing is, he's not confused at all. It's possible that he's never been less confused in his life actually. Jungkook has done a lot of living in his thirty years, and through more than half of that time, there's been Taehyung.
Kim Taehyung, the bright, shining center of his entire universe. Jungkook has tried to resist the gravity of him for so much more time than he's actually gotten to simply bask in the light of loving him, but the love itself has never stopped.
It's never faltered, never gone away, in all the time he's known Taehyung. In every phase of life he's lived since they met, Taehyung has been a part of him. Taehyung helped make him.
No, he's not confused. He knows exactly what he wants. He wants to never feel the weight of regret again. He wants to put down everything he's been carrying for the last five years -- even longer than that -- and never have to worry about picking it back up.
He feels tears well in his eyes and somehow it's like Namjoon can sense them on the other line.
Namjoon sighs, but it isn't a sigh of exasperation or frustration or annoyance. It's pure sadness and empathy, and the last of Jungkook's resolve cracks. He cries -- not the wracking sobs he'd cried on the phone with Jimin weeks earlier, but a steady flow of exhausted tears. He weeps.
"Not confused then," Namjoon says quietly, softly into Jungkook's ear. "Scared?" he guesses.
"So fucking scared, hyung," Jungkook says. He sounds like he's fifteen years old again. He feels like he's fifteen years old again.
"Okay, Jungkook," Namjoon says. "Tell me what you need."
Jungkook lets himself cry it out for another minute. He knows what he needs to ask. This is the reason he's called Namjoon instead of Jin or Hobi or anyone else. But he's scared of this too, scared of what he's going to hear, and scared of what it might mean to him.
Namjoon is patient. He lets Jungkook take the time he needs, and Jungkook knows that when he says what he needs to say, Namjoon will tell him what he needs to hear too.
Finally he draws in a breath, steadies himself, and prepares to hear what he hadn't let himself see all this time.
"I need you to tell me what happened after me and Tae broke up,” he says. “I need to know how it affected everyone."
Notes:
This chapter does a lot of work in terms of transitioning from one mode of the story into the next, so I really hope it was still fun to read! We're getting so close to the end now!
Chapter 11
Summary:
Jungkook listens as Namjoon describes the fallout, in the rest of the group, of his breakup with Taehyung.
He sits with his feet pulled up under him on the couch, chewing on his thumb nail, and lets the guilt, heavy and wet in his chest, consume him.
Notes:
We're getting really close to the end now, everyone! Please be patient with our Jungkookie -- there's a lot to process and he's doing his best!
I want to thank everyone who has been so supportive of this fic since the beginning, and also especially over the last week or so. I feel like the fic has gained much more of an audience lately, and it's been so amazing to see enjoyment of the story and these characters growing. You all have been making my days lately, and I really appreciate it!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jungkook listens as Namjoon describes the fallout, in the rest of the group, of his breakup with Taehyung.
He sits with his feet pulled up under him on the couch, chewing on his thumb nail, and lets the guilt, heavy and wet in his chest, consume him.
Namjoon describes how Jimin had seemed almost as heartbroken as Taehyung and Jungkook had. He'd wanted to be around the members constantly, as though to reassure himself that nothing would change, but the change was immediate and irreconcilable.
It had felt almost as though someone had died, he says. The shift in the dynamic of the group was powerful. Jungkook and Taehyung had always been attached at the hip, since before debut.
Now not only could they not stand to be in the same room together, they couldn't stand to hear about the other either.
Group activities had been halted, which Namjoon handled with the company on his own because he hadn't wanted Jungkook or Taehyung to need to explain to management what had happened. It was messy, he says, and no one had been happy about it, but he'd insisted that it had to be this way, at least for a while, and eventually he'd won.
Hobi took it hard too, he admits. Namjoon thinks he might have had the sense that he'd failed Taehyung and Jungkook somehow, but he never talked about it.
He had the opposite response from Jimin and had cut himself off for a while. It was like he couldn't bear to be around the rest of the group when Taehyung and Jungkook weren't there. It was too hard to pretend that things were okay.
Jin and Yoongi didn't show their reactions to the others as much, but Jin took on a new somberness for a while, and there had been an anger in Yoongi, simmering beneath the surface, that would come out in flashes from time to time. Namjoon never really did put together why, he says, but he has his suspicions.
And then Namjoon talks about Taehyung, about how he would call in the middle of the night and insist that he and Namjoon, or any of the others, get together immediately, only to then sit in silence for hours at a time.
He tells Jungkook about how there was a dullness in him for months after, something like the periods of depression he would go through from time to time, but different, because this wasn't just nothingness, it was sadness.
It was like a part of him had been removed and left somewhere, and he was constantly searching for it but could never find it, and he mourned its loss every time he tried and failed, like it was the first time all over again.
He had just seemed lost, Namjoon says, for a long time.
Then Namjoon tells Jungkook about Jungkook himself, how he had completely cut himself off from everyone -- not just the members, but his family, his friends.
For months, Namjoon had fielded calls from all sorts of people looking for Jungkook, wanting to make sure he was all right. Only some of them even knew about what had happened. No one had any more detail or understanding about it than Namjoon did himself.
In fact, no one even knew the basics of what had happened until Jungkook told Jimin a few weeks ago.
All they knew was that the relationship Jungkook and Taehyung had waited so long to have had fallen apart in less than a year, and now both of their friends were distant and vague and sad, but neither of them would open up about what had happened between them.
All Namjoon or the others could do was try to mitigate their pain however they could, try to help them heal when they didn't even really understand what they were healing from -- only that they had been happy, truly happy in a way they never had been before, and then they weren't.
The disbandment, in the end, was the easy part.
After a few months, their group schedules were meant to pick up more as BTS came back together to start making public appearances, working with brands, and ultimately making music and performing again.
Namjoon took individual events off their schedules at first. He says that he tried to talk to Taehyung and Jungkook both about coming back, but it was clear to him that they wouldn't be able to see each other without a great deal of hurt.
He hadn't wanted to put them through that, and he knew it wouldn't be good for the band in any case, or the fans. He made a cursory effort to make sure everyone was on the same page, and he pulled the plug with the company.
In that way, BTS ended with a whimper, fizzling out as their temporary hiatus drew on longer and longer, until finally it made more sense to let it go than to fight to get it back.
No one outside the seven of them even really knew why. No one other than Jungkook and Taehyung had a true understanding even of that.
"But, Jungkook-ah," Namjoon says. "I'm not telling you all of this to make you feel bad. You asked to know what happened, and I think maybe it's good for you to know, but not because I want you sitting there blaming yourself for everything.”
He takes a deep breath before he goes on. “You're not the only one who has regrets. I can't speak for everyone, but I can say that all of us have things we've been carrying all these years. I regret how I handled things, long before you and Tae broke up. Okay? I need you to hear me on this, Jungkook."
Jungkook sniffles and wipes at his nose. He's sunk further and further down into the couch as he's listened.
It hurts to hear how much pain he caused the others, and he supposes that he always knew at some level how Namjoon must have taken on the brunt of responsibility when he had refused to see or speak to or even hear about Taehyung.
At the time, he hadn't been thinking about how his inability to be around Taehyung meant that he, at least, couldn't rejoin BTS. He had only known that he couldn't stomach it, that he wouldn't be able to be in the same room with Taehyung without breaking down.
He didn't know whether he would cry or yell or beg for Tae to take him back, but he had known he wouldn't be able to keep going as he had been.
Continuing on, making music, touring -- all of that had depended on him staying far away from Kim Taehyung. He hadn't been able to think past the necessity of it. It took every drop of willpower in him just to keep going.
"Are you listening, Jungkook-ah?" Namjoon says, still speaking in that gentle voice, but there's a hint of the leader underneath the surface.
"Yeah," he says. "I'm listening, hyung."
"Okay, because I need this to sink in. The reason what happened made all of us feel so bad was because we felt bad already. The two of you made a lot of sacrifices to put the band first --"
"Everyone made sacrifices," Jungkook argues.
"That's true," Namjoon says, "but not all of our sacrifices were the same. We didn't all give up the same things, and we didn't all suffer the same ways. We all watched the suffering you two went through, Jungkook. We were there for it, and we had a hand in it."
Jungkook tries to protest again, but Namjoon cuts him off before he can get in a word.
"It's true, Kook. I'm not saying it was our fault, I'm just saying that it was in our collective best interest, you know? We needed something from you, from both of you, for the good of the group, and you did your best with that. It doesn't mean any of us liked it.
“So when you finally had a real chance to be together, I think everyone wasn't just happy for you. We were relieved. It was a relief that you had made it that far, that being in the band didn’t ruin your chance, and we were all glad and grateful that it was working out. When you broke up, it was like all that guilt came rushing back. Like I said, I can't say exactly what the others were going through, but for me, I felt like we'd set you up for heartbreak."
Namjoon pauses before he continues, and Jungkook has the sneaking suspicion he's fighting back tears. His own tears are falling as freely as ever.
"When neither of you would talk about it or let me or anyone else help, it felt like proof that we had let you down. Like you couldn't even tell us what had happened. Whatever had gone down, Jungkook, the fact that you both felt like you couldn't talk about it was proof enough that somewhere along the line, I hadn't done things right with you.
“And I'm sorry, Jungkook. I'm sorry that things happened the way they did. I'm sorry I hadn't stood up for you more, or pushed for you to have more freedom when maybe you would have been in a better position to make things work. I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't come to me for help, before or after whatever happened."
Jungkook squeezes his shut as he listens to Namjoon take a shaky breath on the other line, and then he goes on.
"I don't know exactly what's going on with you and Tae right now. I hope you know you can talk to me about it however much you want to. But if you're calling me today because you're scared of what I or anyone else will say about you spending time with Taehyung again, don't be.
“You've made enough sacrifices for other people, Jungkook. Whatever you do now, it should be because it's whatever is right for you and for Tae -- not what you think anyone else will want or because you're afraid of what might happen for us in the future. That's what I have to say."
Jungkook isn't sure how to process everything Namjoon has said. It's a lot, especially everything about the members feeling badly about the way things had been for Jungkook and Taehyung before the hiatus.
For the most part, it had always been one of those things that everyone knew about and no one discussed. It was awkward and emotional, and what would have been the point when they all knew that nothing could come of it? Not when BTS had to be the first priority in everyone's lives.
It's strange, surreal, to hear Namjoon talk about it so openly and frankly, and even though Jungkook wanted him to do just that, now that it's all out, he doesn't know what to say.
"It's okay," Namjoon tells him. "I know this is probably a lot to take in. I don't need anything from you, Jungkook. Just take care of yourself, okay? Do what's right for you. I'll be here to support you no matter what."
"Thanks, Namjoon-hyung," Jungkook manages to say.
And then, because he knows he has to, whether Namjoon agrees or not, he says, “I’m sorry too. I’m sorry I put all of that on you. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you, or anyone, about it. I should have. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you, hyung. Any of you. It was never like that.”
It’s hard to admit out loud, even though he’s sure it’s obvious, but he forces himself to say, “It just hurt too much, and I was scared.”
Namjoon sighs, and it sounds like relief. “Thank you for saying that, Jungkook,” he says.
Jungkook has stopped crying but the sense of being young hasn't left him. The last five years have been so long, he realizes. Long and lonely in comparison to the decade that came before them.
At some point along the way, he had become used to what his life was like without BTS, without Tae. Now he's had a taste of that camaraderie again, and he's less sure than ever that he'll be able to adjust to his new life once it's time to return to it.
He thinks of that inevitability with a gnawing in his stomach that doesn't seem to have gotten any better over the course of his conversation with Namjoon, even though there are parts of him, deep below the surface, that feel loosened, soothed – at least set in the right direction to begin healing wounds he hadn’t even realized he possessed.
Namjoon seems not to want to leave him after such a heavy topic, so he keeps chatting about what he's working on, how his wife has been doing, what the other members have been up to, until Jungkook hears the door to his apartment creaking open and tells him he has to go.
He thanks him again, and then Taehyung is back, looking more worn out than he had before he left, but Jungkook is still barely keeping it together, so he doesn't ask.
They spend the rest of the day cuddled up on the couch, pretending that this is normal. They watch a drama and eat ramen and drape themselves over each other like this is who they really are. Jungkook can't stop thinking about everything Namjoon said the entire time.
#
The next day, they go to the studio, Jungkook's mind still churning with everything Namjoon had said to him. Taehyung seems a bit distracted too, but Jungkook doesn't know how to ask about it.
For a month, they've been playing this game where they pretend nothing exists outside of Positano, acting out a never-ending skit where they're the only two characters.
But it isn't true.
Even if they do what Taehyung had proposed, let this be a vacation from their real lives, Jungkook knows he won't be able to forget. He knows, has known all along, that the time they've spent together has changed him all over again. There are consequences for him.
What he'd said to Namjoon was true: he's terrified.
He's terrified of their time here ending and being unable to go back to the life he's led for the last five years. He's terrified of needing to give Taehyung up all over again.
And he's terrified of saying anything about it, of trying to tell Taehyung how he feels, because what if he doesn't feel the same way?
What if he does?
What if Taehyung doesn't want to give Jungkook up either, and they try again? Vacation can't last forever. They can't be tourists in their own lives. If they do this for real, in their real lives, how do they know they'll be any better at it the second time around?
The first time they'd broken up, they'd caused pain for nearly everyone around them. Jungkook had caused pain -- for his family, for his hyungs, for Taehyung. For himself. How does he know he won't just do the same thing all over again, only worse since it had all happened before?
These are the thoughts that repeat themselves again and again as he and Tae ride to the studio on the leased moped, as they unpack their few things from Jungkook's duffel and start working.
Taehyung doesn't always help Jungkook with his choreography, sometimes just sits idly by and watches or plays around on his phone, but since he's been here, Jungkook has been taking him up on the offer to help by working out a few sections that could use a second person.
Today they fall into the routine easily, without a word. In their sweats and t-shirts, it's exactly like old times, though there are only two of them, instead of seven, in front of the wall of mirrors.
Jungkook is distracted, pays too much attention to Taehyung's reflection and not enough to his own, but he could do this -- the moving, the memorizing, the endless hours of practice -- in his sleep after so many years.
He catches an off movement in the mirror and stops the music. They start again from the top, Taehyung going along easily, but Jungkook watches him make the same mistake again.
"No," he says, stopping the music again and tapping Taehyung's arm to get his attention. "It's this."
He performs the move the way it's supposed to be done and Taehyung watches closely. He tries to do it himself, following along, but he messes up again, moving his foot at the wrong moment, on the wrong beat, his body moving in an awkward, stilted way as a result.
Jungkook shakes his head and comes closer. He takes Taehyung's wrist in his hand and moves his arm to where it should be starting, then sweeps it slowly to where it should finish out the set of steps.
He demonstrates the full move again, but Taehyung still doesn't get it.
Jungkook steps around behind him instead. He gets close, lining up their bodies. When he breathes, it ruffles the hair over the back of Taehyung's neck and he shivers.
Again, he takes Taehyung's wrists in his hands, brings them to where they should be. He taps his foot against Tae's ankle, nudging it into place, corrects his posture with hands on his hips.
Then he takes Taehyung's hands in both of his, lines up their legs and feet, and moves slowly through the set of steps, guiding Taehyung along with him.
They run through them again, and again.
There's something almost dreamlike about it, dancing with Taehyung this way, working through choreography so close together. Learning dancing, working out kinks in choreo, rehashing steps again and again -- these are things they've done countless times.
For over a decade, they worked together with the other members in moments just like this one, except that through all of those years, they had never been able to dance together like this.
Taehyung responds easily to the physical direction, and Jungkook wonders if learning dances would have been easier all along if they could have done it this way, leaned into their strengths a bit more, so to speak.
It's nice. It feels like they're a team, partners.
Once Taehyung gets the move that he'd been struggling with, they go on, but they keep dancing close together.
There's a sensuality to moving their bodies in tandem, working them side-by-side or back-to-front without sexual connotation. It's so heart-achingly sweet, this feeling of moving and working and creating together -- just another detail to add to the long list of things Jungkook is going to more than miss when he has to give all of this up.
For about the hundredth time that day, he thinks about what Namjoon had said to him: that whatever he decides to do now, it should be for him, and for Tae. No one else.
He's grateful that Namjoon told him the truth, and opened up about how he felt. He'll never disregard Namjoon's opinion, but this particular advice, while helpful in some ways, doesn't give him any clearer of an idea what to do.
So, for yet another day, he puts all of his looming decisions aside and focuses on this moment, right here with Taehyung.
He wraps his arm around Tae's waist and uses it to pull him closer, leans into his shoulder to leave a warm, open kiss on the bare skin where his t-shirt has begun to slip down. Taehyung sighs, still following along with the dance, and tips his head to the side to give Jungkook more room.
As they dance, Jungkook trails kisses up Taehyung's neck to his ear and then plays with the lobe between his teeth.
Taehyung leans into him even further, letting his head fall back against Jungkook's shoulder, going loose in his arms so Jungkook has to help hold him up, carrying his weight.
They move through the rest of the routine as well as they can while pressed so close against each other, and when the music stops, they keep going.
Jungkook leads, making up the dance as he goes, and Taehyung follows along easily, as responsive on the dancefloor as he is in bed, picking up on Jungkook's every suggestion with little more than a light touch.
For a while, they simply flow. They move together, with each other and around each other, as easily as liquid. Jungkook runs his hands from Taehyung's shoulders down to his hips and encourages him to sway along with him.
He turns Taehyung in his arms so they're facing each other, and Taehyung wraps his own arms around Jungkook's shoulders.
They move to a rhythm Jungkook doesn't recognize until Taehyung starts humming -- Jungkook isn't even sure he realizes he's doing it at first -- and he realizes it’s the song they've been working on, little snippets at a time.
Taehyung's voice is soft and low, so quiet that if there were any noise in the studio other than their breathing, Jungkook would likely not hear it at all.
He's warm under Jungkook's hands, his eyes dark as they watch Jungkook's face. His expression is impossible to read, but he doesn't let go and he doesn't stop humming.
Before long, Jungkook finds himself humming along with him, Taehyung leading him in the song as much as he's leading Tae in the dance. He harmonizes, and it's effortless, because singing with Taehyung has always been as easy as everything else.
As they dance, they add to the song, weaving it into something more substantial than it had been before. It becomes something not just lovely with possibility, but ripe and soft, ready for harvest.
Taehyung stops humming. Jungkook stops dancing. They stand in the middle of the empty studio, holding each other and looking into each other's eyes. There's something about it that feels different, new, and also completely familiar.
"It's good, Taehyung-ah," Jungkook says. His voice sounds like it's coming to him through water. Taehyung watches his mouth form the words. "You should do something with it."
He's said this before, countless times, but it seems to mean something heavier in the still, quiet studio.
Taehyung holds his gaze. His jaw moves like he’s chewing on words he hasn’t decided whether or not he wants to say aloud. Jungkook wants to encourage him to speak. He wants to beg him not to say anything at all.
Jungkook wants desperately to ask what Taehyung is thinking, what he’s feeling, and equally, he’s too afraid to know. And he knows, too, why Taehyung can’t do it.
He wouldn’t have been able to explain it in words, but beneath language and explanation, Jungkook understands that Taehyung has placed himself in Jungkook’s hands over and over again, despite the risk of rejection, despite the memory of it. Jungkook can only ask for so much from him.
Eventually, it becomes clear that Taehyung isn’t going to say anything after all, and for a moment Jungkook thinks he's going to kiss him, but he doesn't.
His gaze remains locked on Jungkook's face until suddenly he nods, disentangling them from each other to walk over to his bag where he left it in the corner of the room.
Jungkook stays where he is, watching him, thrown off and dazed, amused and fond, all at the same time. That's life with Taehyung, he thinks, and then reminds himself that he doesn't have a life with Taehyung, not really.
Tae pulls his phone out of his bag and pokes around on it for a minute. Jungkook doesn't put together what he's doing until he holds the phone up close to his face and starts humming into it, the same song that he's been working on -- that they've been working on -- for weeks.
He hums through the part that had already existed before today, and then he walks over to Jungkook so they can both stand close to the phone's mic.
Jungkook understands. He starts to hum along, doing his best to remember the harmonies he had come up with a moment before.
It comes easily. They sing the rest of the song together, their voices weaving effortlessly, and then Taehyung stops the recording. He sits down, right in the middle of the floor, so Jungkook joins him.
They listen to the recording back. It's tinny and quiet coming out of the tiny speakers on the cell phone, but it captures the potential of what they've come up with. It will be enough for Taehyung to turn it into something real, if he wants to, when he gets back home.
Suddenly Jungkook is struck with the thought that when all of this ends, he won't have anything like that -- no proof that Taehyung had been here with him at all, beyond the fresh ache in his chest.
He won't have anything recorded to help him remember the steps Taehyung came up with on his own, the way his body moved through the motions that Jungkook had imagined himself. That thought is too much for him to bear.
It's hard enough to know he'll have to give up Taehyung again; he can't stand the thought of losing this, everything they've come up with together, too.
He stands up again, taking Taehyung's hand in his as he goes, pulling at him insistently until he follows.
"Mine too," he says. "My stuff too."
So he sets up his phone to record video, propping it on the floor in front of the mirror, and he pulls Taehyung back into another dance.
He means to record what they've been choreographing together, but he knows, really, that it isn't about that. He has his notes, and he knows the difference between what he's come up with and what Taehyung has.
It's about being able to hold something in his hands to remind him of this, this feeling, this moment.
Once the phone is set up to record, he goes back to Tae and gathers him into his arms and his space again. Taehyung puts some jazzy music on his phone and bends over to set it on the floor, pushing it out of the way, and they dance.
They keep close, leaning into each other's space. They're free with their hands, letting them drag over each other's bodies, occasionally pulling each other even closer, like just an inch of space between them would be too much.
Sometimes they kiss, bare brushes of lips and tongues, but mostly, they dance.
They dance however comes naturally in the moment, nothing complicated, nothing to use for later except in the way that Jungkook will use it, to hold onto this in memory when he can no longer hold it in his hands.
He isn't sure how much time passes. The sun sets outside the windows, the streets become a little more crowded as people leave work to head home and tourists start to look for places to party for the night. They dance as the world goes on without them.
They don't speak, but eventually their slow pace slows even more, until they're standing in place, just holding each other and swaying to the music still drifting from Taehyung's phone.
At some point, Taehyung put his head down against Jungkook's shoulder, and Jungkook propped his chin on the soft ridge of Taehyung's.
That's where they are when Taehyung says, "That phone call I took from my agency yesterday."
"Yeah?"
"The schedule for my next project has been moved up. Something about filming permits, I guess. They need me back in Korea earlier than I thought."
Something in Jungkook's gut tightens, but somehow he's not surprised. He'd had the sense, even without knowing why, that this was coming to an end. Still, that doesn't stop his blood from feeling icy in his veins when he asks, "How soon?"
"A week." Taehyung's voice sounds stiff and distant. It's familiar, similar to the way he would sound during depressive episodes, when everything either hurt or felt like nothing at all, and it had been all that Jungkook could do to stick by him and hold his hand.
A week, Jungkook thinks. One more week of this, and then nothing.
His arms tighten around Taehyung's waist, holding him harder, probably too hard. Taehyung doesn't seem to mind, just sinks even further into Jungkook's body, like if they try hard enough, they can melt into each other.
Jungkook’s chest radiates with a physical pain, bruised from a few words and a lifetime of longing.
He doesn't think he'll be able to speak past the hurt of it, so he doesn't speak. Taehyung doesn't either.
But they don't let go. They stay like that, enfolded together, swaying in the darkening, empty studio, for a long time.
Notes:
There's only one real chapter (and then an epilogue) left after this one! I'll be posting both together on Wednesday the 31st, so hang in there!
As always, thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
Chapter 12
Summary:
For the next few days, Jungkook and Taehyung try to maintain the easy air of the last month, but it's impossible. Now that Jungkook knows just how close he is to losing Taehyung again, it's all he can think about.
Notes:
Ahhhh I can't believe we're here!!! There is one more chapter after this one, but it's really more of an epilogue and it's going up at the same time, because it seemed silly to make you wait for an epilogue. So this is the start of the final update, basically, and I just want to say that I'm so, so grateful for everyone who has been reading, leaving kudos, bookmarking, and commenting since the start of this story.
I've heard so many incredibly lovely things from everyone reading, and I can't tell you how much it means to me. This year has been really difficult for me, and finding and falling in love with BTS has been my saving grace. This fic was the first thing in a long time that I really enjoyed writing, and getting that feeling back has been so beautiful and so needed.
It makes me really happy to know that there are people out there who have gotten something from this little story too, so thank you so much for reading. I truly hope this ending is satisfying to you.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
For the next few days, Jungkook and Taehyung try to maintain the easy air of the last month, but it's impossible. Now that Jungkook knows just how close he is to losing Taehyung again, it's all he can think about.
When there had been no end date, he could pretend that daily life beside Taehyung would go on forever.
He'd known that someday Taehyung would have to return to Korea, and even that he himself would need to go home eventually, but in a beautiful little village, so far from the rest of their lives, surrounded by an ever-changing population of tourists, with no real requirements or responsibilities, it had been easy to put the end from his mind.
Knowing exactly how many days they have left makes it far more difficult to enjoy them. They try their best.
They spend time working together at the studio, splitting the hours between dancing and singing. They have sex in the afternoons, and it's like they're trying to do everything before they run out of time, trying to memorize every detail to hold onto when they part ways.
They order takeout or go to dinner at the best little restaurants Positano has to offer, and then at night, they curl up together in Jungkook's bed and sleep, holding each other close despite the summer heat.
But Jungkook isn't able to relax into it, the way he could before, and he can tell that Taehyung can't either. He'll look up to let his eyes wander over Taehyung's face, just to try to hold onto as much of him as possible, and find Taehyung already looking back.
There's a tension that grows thicker between them every day, but they don't talk about it. He tries not to think about the implications of that.
Jungkook can't blame Taehyung for avoiding the topic. He'd been the one to go out on a limb in the first place, not just to ask Jungkook if they could spend their time in Positano together, but five years ago too, when he'd confessed to having doubts about ending their relationship, and Jungkook had sent him away.
So he tries to give Taehyung what he thinks he wants, makes sure to show him all the best places around Positano that they've missed.
They finally rent a car and go for a drive along the coast. They drive without a destination in mind and end up going so far away that they're not back in town by the time the sun has set.
They find a small outcropping off the side of the road and park the car, climbing onto the hood to lie down side-by-side. They hold hands and look at the stars until Taehyung starts to fall asleep.
Jungkook gathers him back into the car and gets them home, and he falls asleep that night clinging to an already sleeping Taehyung with an ache in his chest that he isn't sure will ever go away.
While Taehyung is in the shower the next morning -- he's almost completely abandoned his own apartment, only ever goes back there to get clean clothes, and sometimes he just wears Jungkook's instead -- Jungkook gets his near-weekly call from Jin.
Actually, he hasn't heard from Jin in a while. He wonders if all of the guys have been trying to give him and Taehyung space.
Jungkook answers the call and lets Jin's playful, caring energy wash over him. They talk about little, insignificant things, as though Jin can tell even from thousands of miles away that Jungkook just needs the distraction.
He doesn't ask about Taehyung, even though it's clear that Jimin has at least told everyone that the two of them are spending time together again.
He doesn't even ask all his usual questions about when Jungkook will be coming home and if they can go for a drink together.
Instead, he chats mostly about his own life, his wife and daughter, all of the ways they've been incorporating strawberries into their food because his kid is obsessed with going strawberry picking.
It's nice, just listening to him. It doesn't really take Jungkook's mind off of things, but it reminds him that life goes on, and no matter what happens in the next few days, he'll always have his hyungs' support and love.
Even after all this time, they're still the people who know him best, always know exactly what he needs that they can give him, what he needs to hear that they can say, and if he needs something they can't offer, they always know who can.
Jungkook doesn't try to end the call when Taehyung gets out of the shower, but Tae walks past where Jungkook is sitting on the couch, humming the song they've been working on as he goes, and Jin seems to hear his voice because he stops talking abruptly and says, "I'll let you go, Jungkook-ah."
And then, as though he had been able to hear Jungkook's silent thoughts the whole time, he says, "You should call Yoongi when you have a chance."
Jungkook had been thinking the same thing.
The truth is, he's a little afraid to call Yoongi. For one thing, he can't anticipate what Yoongi is going to say, has no idea what his advice will be or if he'll even offer any. But he hasn't spoken to Yoongi alone in months, and somehow he feels like he needs his counsel, his particular brand of wisdom, before he can do anything else.
Yoongi will rip the Band-Aid off. Yoongi will tell him the honest truth, not without regard to his feelings, but without letting that regard stand in the way of what needs to be said.
Jungkook needs that. He feels so lost and afraid, and it isn't that he needs someone to tell him what to do, but he does need some guidance, or at least the reassurance that he can do this on his own. At least if he hears that from Yoongi, he'll have to believe it.
He waits until Taehyung gets another call from his agency to iron out the details of when he'll be back and where he's needed. Then Jungkook pulls up Yoongi's contact in his phone.
They have three days left.
"Jungkook?" Yoongi says when he answers.
Jungkook sighs and rolls his eyes.
"It's me," he says. Does he have a tendency to butt dial people without realizing it or something?
"What's up?"
"Nothing," Jungkook says, wishing he'd thought to pre-plan what to say. He's so scared of broaching this topic with any of his hyungs, let alone Yoongi, who he knows won't hesitate to be tough if he believes it's what Jungkook needs to hear.
Yoongi makes an unimpressed sound on the line.
"So it's about Taehyung," he says, and damn, if Jungkook has been this easy to read his whole life, it's no wonder the hyungs were constantly trying to keep him in line when it came to Tae in the early days.
There's no sense trying to pretend, though, so Jungkook sighs again, this time a sound that's mournful and wistful and sad and frustrated all at the same time.
"Yeah," he says, giving in. "It's about Taehyung."
Yoongi hums thoughtfully. Jungkook gives him a moment because he suspects he's already got something to say and is simply trying to find the right way to say it.
"I hope you're not calling me to ask what you should do," is what he finally lands on.
"No," Jungkook says. "Not exactly. But why not?"
"Because I can't tell you what the right thing to do is. I don't have enough information, and even if I did, you can't logic your way through this, Jungkook-ah. You can't make a choice based on what you think makes the most sense. This stuff doesn't work like that."
Jungkook forces a laugh, repeats the phrase "this stuff" as a way to try to tease Yoongi, but of course, Yoongi doesn't take the bait.
"You don't have to tell me all the details of what went down between you guys," Yoongi says, "but can I ask you something?"
"Yeah, hyung."
"Do you still love him?"
Jungkook doesn't even have to think. "Of course," he says.
"Then don't you think he deserves to know that?"
The question cuts Jungkook to the quick. It slices into him, leaves him raw and exposed in a place he didn't even know he'd been unprotected.
As though he can sense the spiral coming, Yoongi adds, "You don't owe it to him, Jungkook. Your feelings are yours, and you can do what you want with them. But if you love him, then you know what it would mean to him to hear that from you, and you know he deserves to have that. It's something to consider."
Jungkook's heart pulls painfully in his chest and his stomach churns.
"But, hyung," he says, his voice gone soft, "what if he doesn't love me anymore?" And then, so quietly that it's barely more than a whisper: "And what if he does? What if he does, and we try again, and it's the same as before? Wouldn't it be selfish to put him through all of that again?"
Maybe it's better to have this now and then let it go, he thinks but doesn't say. They'd be able to look back on these new memories -- good, beautiful, happy memories, instead of the old, stale ones from the end, when they'd been so bogged down with all of their unsolved problems, all of their unspoken words, that they'd barely had the energy to enjoy the good moments anymore.
"Jungkook," Yoongi says. His tone is gentle but firm. "Maybe you want it and maybe you don't, but you deserve a second chance as much as Taehyung does. I know you’re scared to take the risk, for everyone’s sake, but you deserve what could come on the other side.”
Yoongi pauses, maybe to give Jungkook a chance to argue, but he doesn’t. He finds that he can’t find his voice suddenly, locked beneath the lump in his throat.
“Maybe love isn't enough on its own to make a relationship work,” Yoongi goes on, “but things are different now. You're both older, you've had your own experiences, you've lived your own lives. You know where things went wrong before. I think if you wanted to try again -- if you both wanted that -- you might be able to face the same problems and overcome them. But only if you give yourself the chance, Jungkook-ah."
Yoongi is so understanding, so willing to speak his own mind without asking Jungkook for anything in return, and Jungkook is grateful because he feels like his heart has been in Taehyung's hands since he placed it there weeks ago, and now that he's trying to take it back, it hurts too much. It doesn't belong with him. Maybe it never has.
He fights through the stinging in his eyes, the anxious roil in his stomach, to say, "You really won't tell me what you think I should do?" He isn't sure if it's meant to be a joke or not.
"Do you really need me to?" Yoongi asks.
And the thing is, he really doesn't. Jungkook has always known, since the moment he watched Taehyung step out the door five years ago.
#
When Taehyung returns after his own phone call, he looks exhausted and sad, and Jungkook still feels tender inside, like the slightest brush against him will bruise. He doesn't broach the subject.
They order takeout from their favorite nearby Korean place and play a game together on the Switch Taehyung ended up ordering because he missed video games and they’d finished the drama they started on the couch together weeks earlier.
They stay up late playing, trying to keep the mood light and mostly succeeding, and they sleep in late the next morning.
Neither of them wants to get out of bed, so they lie there for an hour just holding each other and kissing, until they're too hungry to resist the temptation of breakfast any longer.
Still, they don't want to go out. They stay in instead of heading to the studio, and when Taehyung sits on the couch and pulls up the song they've been working on together on his laptop, Jungkook joins him without a word.
Producing a song is a slow process, at least it always has been for Jungkook, and even more so for Taehyung. When it comes to sharing work outside their personal bubbles of friends, they can both be perfectionists.
They've been working on this song for weeks now, the same one that Taehyung first began to hum at the studio, the one they've been building together, weaving harmonies, writing snippets of lyrics and then reworking them together.
Jungkook knows that this song, in particular, has taken longer than it's needed to, but he hasn't wanted to stop. He wonders if maybe Taehyung hasn't wanted to finish it either.
They write and re-write it, record new sections before scrapping them to try again. The lyrics have been through so many revisions that only a couple of phrases have remained from the beginning. It's so polished by now that there's barely anything left to do with it.
Taehyung plays the song on his laptop once, and then again, making tiny adjustments once or twice.
He starts it again, and this time Jungkook makes a change, only to decide it had been better before when they listen back through again. He reverts the file back to its earlier save, and finally he has to give up. He looks at Tae, already waiting to meet his eyes.
"It's finished," Taehyung says. The words hang heavily between them.
Jungkook can only nod, suddenly sure that he'll choke on anything he tries to say. The finality of it drives into him like a punch, unignorable. Overwhelmingly painful -- the kind of pain that stops you in your tracks and forces you to feel it without distraction.
This fantasy that they've been living, that they could somehow find each other again, halfway around the world, and pretend to only need it for a little while -- to only want it as a break from reality -- crashes to a stunning halt.
The last weeks, nearly two months since he opened his door to find Taehyung waiting on the other side, fracture and hang all around him, as though the room is suddenly full of shattered glass.
He can move, in the hope that it will reform itself into something beautiful, taking the risk that it will tear him to pieces instead. Or he can wait for it all to fall, crashing down around him, leaving him wounded.
What he can't do is stay still, suspended in the moment forever. The moment is ending, whether he's ready for it or not. It's ending now.
Jungkook lets his gaze find Taehyung's. It's easy, the easiest thing in the world for the two of them to slot together. They fit perfectly.
"Taehyung," he says. His voice comes out sounding like his throat has been shredded by all that lovely, broken glass already.
Taehyung holds his gaze without answering, his expression unreadable, held back.
Everything that Yoongi had said to him the day before comes back to him. He knows Yoongi is right, knew a lot of it already if he's honest with himself, and now is his chance to prove -- to himself, to his hyungs, to everyone who has stood by him over the last five years as he tried to figure out who he is without being Jungkook of BTS, without being part of Taehyung-and-Jungkook, and to Taehyung -- that things could be different this time.
He wants to touch Taehyung so badly, but somehow it seems like it would be cheating, taking the easy way out by relying on physical comforts like they've always done.
Instead, he turns to face him on the couch, holding his gaze with all the tender nakedness he feels.
"Taehyung," he says again.
Taehyung is still watching him, giving no indication that he knows what Jungkook is about to say.
All the more reason that Jungkook needs to say it. Taehyung deserves to hear it. Jungkook deserves to take this chance. He doesn't know where to start really, so he draws in a breath, and just like leaping from a great height, he simply lets go.
"I love you," he says, his heart working painfully in his chest. "I've never fallen out of love with you. Tae, I regretted letting you go the second you walked out the door. I was just so scared that things would never get better. I didn't want to cause either of us any more pain."
His eyes are welling up and spilling over, and saying the words is more difficult than he'd thought it would be, but it feels good too. It's freeing. He lets himself fall.
"I'm still scared. I'm scared you won't want me anymore. I'm scared about what will happen if you do. But Taehyung, I'm way more scared of watching you leave again with all the same regrets I had last time. I can't stand the thought of you out there in the world not knowing how much you mean to me."
Without meaning to, he's let his gaze fall away from Taehyung's eyes, staring instead at his hands, gripped tight in his lap. He can't look up again. The terror of what he'll see is too loud and too bright. It's all he can do to keep speaking past it.
"I'll understand if you just want this to end when you go back home," he forces himself to say. "But for me, I don't think it will ever end. Taehyung, I've loved you since I was fifteen years old. I don't think I'm ever going to stop. I don't know if things would be better this time, or if you would even want me anymore, but I'm yours, Tae. Whether you want me or not, I'm yours."
That’s it, he supposes. That’s the truth, in its simplest form, and now he’s handed that to Taehyung too.
The glass hovers, shimmering and shaking, trembling in the onslaught of everything Jungkook had to say. Dimly, as from the bottom of a deep, still lake, Jungkook feels relief. Whatever happens now, he knows he did what he had to do.
The moment of silence that follows his confession probably lasts for no longer than a second or two, but it's so miserable that it feels like far longer.
On top of the relief are several layers of nerves and terror. He's never felt so anxious in his life, not even the first time he'd performed alone in front of fifty thousand screaming fans.
He has no idea what he's waiting for, what to expect. All he knows is that he still can't look up, can't look at anything, in fact; his eyes have slipped closed as though he can block out the pain that he's increasingly sure is coming.
And then there are soft, warm, strong hands on either side of his face, cupping his cheeks.
His eyes open on instinct, finding Taehyung's the same way, and he sees for the first time that there are matching tears streaming down his face too.
"Jungkookie," he says, voice thick, "I love you."
Jungkook's belly leaps, like after the fall he's being rapidly shot back up into the air.
Without letting go of Jungkook's face, Taehyung leans in and presses a wet, perfect kiss to his lips.
"I love you," he says again, mouths brushing as he speaks. He kisses Jungkook's nose, not the tip of it but the little mole on the side, and says it again. He kisses his forehead, both cheeks, the mole under his bottom lip, whispering, "I love you, I love you, I love you," as he goes.
Neither of them stop crying, but eventually Taehyung does stop pressing kisses all over his face and wraps his arms around him instead. Jungkook's hands find Taehyung's waist and pull him closer, closer, until they're practically on top of each other, and they hold each other, letting their tears soak into one another's shoulders, fitting perfectly in place.
#
Jungkook gives Tae's hand a squeeze as they walk into the restaurant. Taehyung squeezes back. Their hands are equally clammy.
They've been back in Korea for less than twenty-four hours, and they're exhausted, jet-lagged, and nervous, but neither of them had wanted to wait. They figure their hyungs have suffered enough over their relationship through the years. They deserve to hear the truth, in person, as soon as possible.
The hostess leads them to the private room at the back of the restaurant. She tells them the rest of their party has already arrived, which makes Jungkook feel more nervous than ever.
Taehyung thanks her and she opens the door for them, gesturing them inside. With a final squeeze, Taehyung releases Jungkook's hand.
The private room is pleasant and warm, and full of some of Jungkook's favorite people in the world. His hyungs have all arrived despite the relatively short notice.
They're seated around the long table and look up expectantly when Jungkook and Taehyung enter. They greet the two youngest of their group with all the familiarity of family, and all the wariness of a group of friends accustomed to dealing with the fallout of a very messy breakup.
It’s the first time all seven of them have been in a room together in five years.
There's no sense stalling, Jungkook tells himself. They could sit down and pretend, force the hyungs to wait until after they've eaten to address the question that must be on everyone's minds, but it would be a bit cruel, and it would only heighten his own sense of anxiety further.
So he and Tae don't move to sit down. They stand next to each other, awkward and more than a little embarrassed, at the head of the table, alternately looking at everyone and refusing to meet their eyes.
Around the table, Namjoon looks carefully blank, like he's intentionally hiding what he's thinking. Jin is visibly nervous but trying to hide it, not doing an especially good job for someone who'd once planned to be an actor.
Yoongi is looking between Jungkook and Taehyung with a calculating expression, maybe trying to figure out what they're going to say before they say it. Hobi looks like he's had a drink or two already, a little dazed, a little out of it, and maybe like he's fighting back tears.
Jimin, Jungkook notices, is looking nervous, no doubt because he knows there's a real chance both of his best friends are still pissed at him.
But Jungkook can't be mad anymore.
The thing is, though, he has no idea where to begin. It should be a simple thing to say, to admit, but when he looks around the room at all of this wariness and hesitancy and love, he feels overwhelmed and emotional.
He feels shy like he hasn't since he was thirteen years old and suddenly sharing one dorm with six other guys.
They already know so much about not just him, but him and Taehyung, his entire relationship history really, and the thought of exposing even more of himself to them now feels raw and embarrassing -- exactly like getting naked in front of them the first handful of times had.
But Taehyung had helped him with that.
He reaches out without having to look, his hand finding Taehyung's again easily, immediately. Again, he squeezes it, waits for that reassuring squeeze back, and gets it.
"Hyungs," he says. He hears the gravity in his own voice, and normally he would be embarrassed, but this is grave. The moment deserves a degree of solemnity. His hyungs deserve to know that they're taking this seriously.
"Me and Taehyung, we --" He glances at Taehyung. Taehyung is already looking back, his gaze steady and fond, with all the warm softness of a lifetime of love. It bolsters him, gives him strength, the security he needs to be able to say, "We got back together," and accept whatever reactions come their way.
There is no immediate reaction, though. The room remains eerily silent, utterly still.
And then there's a wrenching sound and a body flying toward him, and Jungkook only puts together that it's a sobbing Jimin who's thrown himself from the table to wrap both Jungkook and Taehyung into one hug when he's already gotten there.
The little room bursts into chaos.
Over Jimin's heaving shoulder, Jungkook sees Namjoon laugh in what appears to be a mix of genuine happiness, relief, and awkwardness in response to the emotional scene.
Jin is laughing too, covering his mouth with his hand as though that can hide the open joy on his face. It can't, because he has tears in his eyes. Yoongi is smiling a fond, gummy smile that Jungkook hasn't seen in years, because it's always been reserved solely for him and Tae.
Hobi is crying as hard as Jimin, sobbing openly into his hands until Taehyung extracts himself from Jimin to gather Hobi into his arms and let him cry into his shoulder instead.
It's a mess, but it's their family, and the relief and happiness in the room are palpable. It's an overwhelming response, far better than Jungkook had let himself imagine, and he finds himself overcome with emotion too.
For once, though, he doesn't feel the prick of tears at the corners of his eyes. Instead he squeezes a still-sobbing Jimin and looks for Taehyung on the other side of the room, where he's still trying to comfort an equally emotional Hoseok.
Amidst the chaos they've created, they meet each other's eyes and grin.
Jungkook still doesn’t know if their second shot will go any better than the first. It could be worse a second time around. He’s still scared, terrified in a way that freefalling with his body has never made him feel. So much more is on the line now.
But Taehyung is the most beautiful, most fascinating, most brilliant person Jungkook has ever known, and he deserves to know how Jungkook feels about him. Just as Jungkook deserves the chance to be happy with his favorite person by his side.
For that, he’d take any risk, make any leap, face any fear.=
His soul, his heart, are flying now – maybe soaring, maybe crashing, he doesn’t know. What he does know is that he’s been dreaming of this for half his life.
He knows that if there’s even a chance to be caught by Taehyung’s perfect hands, it’s worth it.
Notes:
I've been writing and working on this fic at a time in my life where I really needed to believe in second chances -- that things can go poorly, even that you can fail at something, and still have the opportunity to make it all come out right in the end.
It's probably cheesy to say, but working on this has genuinely been healing for me, so I really hope that you've enjoyed your time with it too. I know this ending isn't perfect, there are probably a lot of things I could have done better or developed more, but I hope this culmination of Jungkook's development feels right to you the way it does for me.
And again, thank you so much for reading and for sharing your thoughts. The experience of posting this fic and reading all your lovely comments has been so precious and I'm really grateful.
With all that said, don't forget that there's an epilogue too, available now, and uh -- it's a wild one!
Chapter 13
Summary:
Jungkook stumbles into Taehyung's apartment -- effectively their shared apartment with how much he's been here himself -- laughing and half-carrying Taehyung on his back.
He isn't tipsy, but he feels like he is, as though one glass of wine with dinner had been enough to set him buzzing under the skin.
Notes:
I always have this feeling that if you're going to post a long, multi-chaptered fic with a bunch of smut in it, you kind of have to end on a smutty note, right? So that's what this is, and as you may notice from the length of it, it's an incredibly indulgent version of that.
Also, when I read back through this yesterday to fix any mistakes, I'm pretty sure that I looked like the wide-eyed blush face emoji the entire time -- seriously I think I may have been possessed when I wrote this -- so have fun!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
One Year Later
Jungkook stumbles into Taehyung's apartment -- effectively their shared apartment with how much he's been here himself -- laughing and half-carrying Taehyung on his back.
He isn't tipsy, but he feels like he is, as though one glass of wine with dinner had been enough to set him buzzing under the skin.
It isn't the wine, he knows. It's Taehyung, the sheer pleasure and comfort of being in his company, pressed close together. It's happiness.
He hears himself giggle as he throws Taehyung off of him, catching him again by the waist and turning him so they can face each other.
Taehyung is laughing too.
They've just returned from their dinner out to celebrate their one year anniversary -- officially longer than they made it the first time -- and they're giddy with their accomplishment.
It hasn't always been easy, but communicating through issues as they come up is something they've had long practice with as part of a band with a decade-long lifespan.
Through effort on both sides and commitment to giving their relationship its best chance, they've been able to work through the tangles, bringing to bear all those old skills and all of the new ones they learned in their lives apart from each other.
They've made it a year, and Jungkook no longer doubts that they're going to be okay. They're going to make it. They just fit.
He realizes he's smiling at Taehyung and simply gazing at him because Taehyung is doing the same. No wonder all their friends groan whenever they're in the same room, he thinks with a grin.
They must be annoying, but after more than fifteen years in love, Jungkook finally gets to have this, gets to have Taehyung in any and every way that he wants, and so he's going to do just that.
He's just about to pull Taehyung in for a kiss when Tae's phone rings in his pocket. He giggles and takes it out, answering despite Jungkook's pout.
"Hi, Jimin," he says.
Tinny through the phone speakers, Jungkook hears Jimin wish Taehyung a happy anniversary. Jungkook tries to snatch the phone away, but Taehyung twists out of his arms, laughing silently as he runs away with the phone.
He launches into a description of the restaurant they'd gone to and the food they'd eaten there, even though he himself had chosen the mildest items on the menu. Jungkook smiles fondly as he watches Taehyung sit down on the couch to keep chatting.
After a few minutes, Jungkook decides they've talked enough though -- it's their anniversary, after all. They have plans.
He goes to the couch and tries to take the phone away from Tae so he can tell Jimin a quick goodnight and hang up, but Taehyung evades him and says, "Oh good idea. Jimin, Jungkookie is going to talk to you for a few minutes."
Then he promptly passes the phone off to Jungkook and disappears alone down the hall.
Nonplussed, Jungkook puts the phone to his ear. He isn't quite sure why, but he feels tricked.
"Jungkookie!" Jimin shouts. "Happy anniversary!"
"Thanks," Jungkook says, smiling despite himself. He feels so stupidly happy, he doesn't know what to do with it. And it feels good to have the accomplishment acknowledged, to have that happiness celebrated.
Knowing he won't be able to free himself from the call immediately, Jungkook sits on the couch. He wonders where Taehyung has gotten off to and feels a tremor of anticipation run up his spine.
"You know," Jimin says, "while we're on the subject of thanks, you've never actually thanked me for sending Taehyung to Positano in the first place."
Jungkook opens his mouth to respond, but before he can say a word, Jimin hurries on.
"I know you were pissed at the time, but everything worked out, didn't it? More than worked out, I would say. And it never would have happened if it hadn't been for me, so don't you think you kind of owe me some gratitude?"
Jungkook huffs. Jimin isn't wrong really. Opening his door and seeing Taehyung, of all people in the world, on the other side of it had been the moment that changed everything.
It had completely derailed his life in some ways, and set it back on track in others. It had been painful, not just in those first few days when they'd tried so hard to avoid each other, but after that too, when he'd been able to hold Taehyung again, spend time with him again. He'd been so afraid that it wouldn't last.
Jimin had orchestrated the whole thing to give them this second chance, and despite the challenges, Jungkook has to admit that even if it hadn't worked out, he would understand why Jimin had done it.
They, all of them -- Jungkook, Taehyung, Jimin and the others -- deserved to have the chance to make it right.
"Thank you, Jimin-ssi," he says, and he means it.
He's expecting triumph and gloating on the other line, but instead there's a brief buzz -- what sounds like a notification on Jimin's phone -- and then Jimin says, "Oh, uh -- that's the baby monitor. Got to go! Happy anniversary, Jungkook-ah!" He hangs up without waiting for a reply.
For a moment, Jungkook is so thrown off that he just looks at Taehyung's phone in his hand. Usually if Jimin got him, or anyone, on the phone, he'd keep them there for as long as possible, even if he had to change his kid's diaper.
Jungkook is no stranger to being put on speaker phone while Jimin does all manner of things. But he's not about to look a gift horse in the mouth.
He pockets Tae's phone and heads down the hall to the bedroom, feeling the sense of anticipation, which had been mounting the whole way home from the restaurant, once more take hold of him. With an embarrassing stutter of his breath, he opens the door.
Jungkook becomes aware of two things at the same moment. The first is that Taehyung has already changed out of his date night clothes and into something more comfortable, which in this case is a pair of sweatpants and one of Jungkook's t-shirts.
The second is that he's barreling toward Jungkook like they haven't seen each other in weeks, rather than minutes.
Not that Jungkook is complaining when Taehyung grabs him by the waist and shoves him up against the wall, leaning immediately into him, as close as he can get. It leaves Jungkook stunned, so that all he can do when Taehyung nips at his neck is lean his head back against the wall and let it happen.
"Fuck, Jungkook," Taehyung says against his skin, sending goosebumps down across his shoulders. "You look so fucking hot, driving me crazy all night."
Jungkook feels the praise soak into him, turning him pliant and loose under Taehyung's attention. It's gratifying -- he'd chosen this outfit knowing that it would get Taehyung worked up, though he's a little surprised it's been this effective.
Taehyung's hands stroke down over the black button-up along Jungkook's sides, land on his hips in their well-fitted slacks, and then he presses one warm hand to Jungkook's crotch, palming him through the material.
Jungkook's body responds quickly, immediately, always wanting to do whatever Taehyung asks. As soon as he's got Jungkook reacting the way he wants, though, Taehyung switches his focus to getting Jungkook out of his clothes.
He starts with the buttons of Jungkook's shirt, working them open slowly but deftly, applying his mouth to each new uncovered inch of skin. He bites Jungkook's collarbone, licks the hollow of his throat, kisses down the center of his chest, swirls his tongue over one nipple.
Jungkook gasps and his hips jolt forward.
Taehyung laughs, a low rumble that vibrates into Jungkook's chest. He's still working Jungkook's buttons open, but he slides his knee between Jungkook's and pushes his leg close, giving Jungkook his thigh to use.
Jungkook feels like his body is all heat, and in the one corner of his mind that's still functioning, he feels the faint pull of embarrassment at the idea, but it only adds to the headiness of the moment, and he doesn't hesitate to take what Taehyung is offering him.
With a low moan, he grinds himself on Taehyung's thigh. It makes him feel base and out of control. He loves it, and Taehyung knows he does.
"Aww," he coos. "All worked up already? Don't worry, Kook-ah, you can do whatever you like, I won't let you come too soon. I'm going to take care of you."
Jungkook shudders. Taehyung is looking at him with those heavy, dark eyes -- looking at him like he wants to ruin him and he's got plans on just how he's going to do it. Jungkook wants it.
He wants to feel himself broken down to nothing but a shivering, sloppy mess, but it's almost too much to feel Taehyung's eyes and hands on him at the same time. His own eyes slip shut. He loves the push-and-pull, the game they play sometimes, but tonight, all he wants is to give himself over.
Taehyung pulls Jungkook's shirt from where it's tucked into his pants in one quick move, unbuttoning the last few buttons and then shoving the shirt from his shoulders. He gets rid of his belt just as quickly, but then slows down when it comes to unzipping the pants.
"You like that, Jungkook-ah, don't you?" he asks, his voice low against Jungkook's neck, and then his ear. "You like knowing I'll give you what you need." He grips his fingers around Jungkook's arms, squeezing his biceps. "You could throw me around, do whatever you wanted to me," he says. "But you'd rather let me use you and spoil you however I want. Right, Jungkookie?"
Jungkook whimpers and bites his lip, but there's no denying his body's reaction to the words, to Taehyung's voice, to the way he's got Jungkook shoved up against the wall – got him, with the simplest suggestion, desperately rubbing himself on Taehyung's thigh through their clothes.
Every drop of resistance leaks out of him. He nods.
Taehyung pulls back a little bit, moving his hands to Jungkook's shoulders, pressing him into the wall even harder and simply holding him there, looking at him.
Jungkook can't bring himself to open his eyes, but he can feel the way Taehyung's are closely watching him for every tiny reaction. He never stops grinding himself against Tae's thigh. It isn't enough friction to get him off, but it's enough to keep him high on the feeling of being close but always frustratingly out of reach.
"I bet you'd let me do anything I want to you," Taehyung says. "Hmm?"
Again, Jungkook nods. Even though he's still half-dressed, he feels exposed, knowing that Taehyung can see this in him, knows that this is what he wants, without Jungkook having to say a word.
Taehyung leans forward, Jungkook feels him getting closer, a charge in the air between them. Taehyung licks Jungkook's upper lip and it sends a bite of electricity down through his belly to his cock.
"You'd let me spit on you," Taehyung says, right there against Jungkook's open mouth. Jungkook understands that he's meant to agree, so he does, readily.
"Step on you," he adds, Jungkook's entire body jolting at the idea and then immediately melting, sagging against the wall and against Taehyung as his mind is flooded with images of Taehyung standing over him, stepping on him, and how he knows he would just lie there and take it. That he would enjoy it, because it's Taehyung.
"Anything," Taehyung concludes. "Why is that, Kook-ah?"
He brushes the pad of his thumb over Jungkook's bottom lip and brings the other down to play with his nipple, brushing over it and then pinching it, tugging on it just enough to be a little painful, making Jungkook arch away from the wall.
He uses the hand on Jungkook's jaw to push him firmly back against the wall and slips his thumb into his mouth, pushing down on his tongue so Jungkook can't even suck on it, is just forced to hold his mouth open.
"Is it because you're just a filthy baby who wants it no matter who gives it to you? Would you let anyone do all that, Jungkook?"
Jungkook pries his eyes open so he can meet Taehyung's gaze as he shakes his head. He knows it's all a game, but it feels important to make Taehyung see the truth, and how deep that truth runs.
"No," Taehyung agrees.
He doesn't take his thumb out of Jungkook's mouth as he leans in close again and kisses Jungkook around it, holding his mouth open as he kisses Jungkook's bottom lip and then licks into him.
Jungkook can't participate at all. Taehyung holds him open and takes him, and it's as vulnerable, as intimate, as being fucked. It feels like being fucked, and it makes Jungkook want it so bad. He moans, loud and unambiguous with his mouth forced open like this.
Taehyung swallows the sound like that alone could satisfy him, but his expression is still hungry when he pulls back to say, "So why is it, Jungkook?"
It's clear that he expects an answer, and equally clear that he isn't going to remove his thumb from Jungkook's tongue.
There's something so humiliating about being made to speak with something in his mouth, and it never fails to work Jungkook up. He's so turned on that he aches inside, and the friction he's getting from grinding against Taehyung is less and less satisfying as Taehyung coaxes him into wanting more and more.
He whines as he feels spit gathering in his mouth, and sure enough when he says, "Only for you," as well as he can around the obstruction of Taehyung's thumb, it drools out over his chin.
"Hmm," Taehyung says, using the thumb from his free hand to gather the spit trailing over Jungkook's chin and push it back into his mouth.
Jungkook is pretty sure he's going to die right here. He rubs his aching cock against Taehyung as hard as he can, shaking and overwhelmed and they haven't even made it to the bed yet.
"Why me, baby?"
Suddenly Jungkook knows exactly the words Taehyung wants to hear. He's been a little obsessed with them since Jungkook's confession in Positano.
A warmth that's all fondness and affection pools in his chest alongside the burning arousal. If he didn't still have Taehyung's thumb in his mouth, he would probably smile.
Not for the first time in the last year, he has that feeling again, like his heart is being held in Taehyung's beautiful hands. It's still tender and raw, this feeling, but it no longer feels dangerous in quite the same way.
He isn't afraid that Taehyung will hurt it, and it's exhilarating to know how freely he's given it over, how completely he trusts Taehyung with it. So he gives Taehyung what he wants, because he'll always give Taehyung what he wants.
"I'm yours," he says, as well as he can, breathless with the overwhelming emotions running through him, turned on and embarrassed and so full of love all at the same time.
Taehyung nods, gratified. His eyes are fixed on Jungkook's open mouth, and when he leans in close, Jungkook is sure he's going to kiss him again, but he doesn't.
Instead he crowds in close and nuzzles against Jungkook's neck. His voice is deep and soft and soothing when he says, "And I'm yours."
After that, it's like a switch flips. Taehyung removes his thumb from Jungkook's tongue so fast that Jungkook can't stop the string of spit that follows it.
Then he's tugging Jungkook's pants open and shoving them down his hips like Jungkook has been the one slowing things down.
As soon as Jungkook is out of them, kicking them to the side, Taehyung's hand is on his neck, long fingers curling around his throat. He doesn't squeeze, just holds him there with a firm grip, so that when Jungkook swallows, they can both feel it.
At the same time, he wraps his other hand around Jungkook's cock, so hard after all of Taehyung's talking and the unsatisfying friction that the skin-to-skin contact makes his eyes roll.
Taehyung gives him one perfect stroke, from base to tip, and then immediately lets go. Jungkook groans in frustration, only for Taehyung to begin playing with the tip, running his fingers over it as lightly as he can, dragging through the precome there.
He gives Jungkook's throat a gentle squeeze to get his attention. Jungkook opens his eyes just in time to see Taehyung lick his fingers. Then they're sweeping over the head of Jungkook's cock again, gathering up more.
"So wet, Jungkookie," he says. "You like listening to me talk that much? Or is all this from rubbing off on my thigh, hmm? Were you leaking in your pants this whole time?"
Jungkook couldn't help the whine that slips out of him if he wanted to, though he doesn't particularly. He wants Taehyung to know how much he wants this. He wants Taehyung to give him more, and he thinks maybe begging for it might help. Then again, it's Taehyung, so maybe not.
"Please, Tae," he says.
"What? Does my princess want something?"
Jungkook shivers and squeezes his eyes shut, needing to block out something and knowing that he can't and won't block out Taehyung. He nods.
"What is it, baby? You want this?"
He gives Jungkook's cock another deliberate stroke, but before Jungkook can say that yes, that's what he wants, he switches abruptly to pinching the head hard between his thumb and forefinger.
It hurts, and Jungkook writhes in his hold, but it also makes a steady stream of sticky precome dribble out of him and down over Taehyung's fingers. Taehyung swipes his thumb through it and uses it to slick the way as he rubs slow circles over the tip of Jungkook's cock.
It's maddeningly slow, but the pressure is harsh, pushing Jungkook almost to the limit of what feels pleasurable, which Taehyung knows is an edge he loves to test.
He's relentless about it, and Jungkook notices that there's something a little wild about Taehyung tonight, like he's barely holding himself steady, barely keeping himself contained. Like at any moment he might lose control. Jungkook doesn't know what's causing it, but it's affecting him, driving him closer to his finish despite the minimal contact.
"Tae," he says, breathy and high, "please, baby."
"Hmm?" Taehyung says, like he really doesn't know what Jungkook is asking for.
"Make me come, Tae, please."
"You want to come already?" His tone is as unreadable as his expression.
Jungkook takes the chance. He bites his lip and nods. "I still want you to fuck me," he hurries to add. "But -- I --"
He breaks off as Taehyung gently squeezes his throat at the same time that he wraps his fingers around the head of his cock more tightly.
"No, baby, I don't think so," he says. "You deserve better than this, don't you think? You can hold it."
Except suddenly Jungkook isn't so sure he can. Taehyung hasn't let up on his touch, somehow teasing and overstimulating at the same time, and it's like Jungkook can feel him everywhere.
He's bathed in Taehyung, surrounded by him, held up by him. He can smell the warm, masculine scent of him, feel his body heat radiating off of him.
All he can hear is his own breathing mingled with Taehyung's and the intoxicating murmur of his voice. His belly tightens as he desperately tries to hold back, and Taehyung notices.
"Oh, you are close," he says, like he's surprised. "That's sweet, Jungkook-ah. Look at you. You're all pink and wet for me, trying so hard not to come, just from a little bit of touching against the wall. So cute, baby. So pretty."
Finally, Taehyung releases his grip on Jungkook's cock. Jungkook gasps with relief and some of the tension in his body is released as he no longer has to hold back every second from coming.
Taehyung keeps his hand resting lightly against Jungkook's throat, which is good, because Jungkook thinks it's currently the only thing keeping him upright.
Once Jungkook is slightly more stable, Taehyung moves his hand off of his neck to instead cradle his face, leaning in close. He teases for a moment, barely brushing his lips across Jungkook's, so light that they may not touch at all, until Jungkook's lips part and he tries to chase after him.
Taehyung gives a little kitten lick to his top lip, bites his bottom lip and plays with it between his teeth, and then hovers so they're just breathing the same air, until Jungkook is whining, about ready to start begging just to be kissed. Only then does Taehyung finally relent and kiss Jungkook properly.
He doesn't waste the opportunity. He kisses Jungkook thoroughly, giving his body a chance to come down, but still stoking the warmth inside him.
They kiss until they're both breathing hard and Jungkook feels heavy all over. Coming down from being so close to an orgasm, he feels delicate in Taehyung's hands, like he's been pried open and played with, and now Taehyung is gently putting him back together. He sighs into the feeling.
After a few minutes, Taehyung steps away, taking Jungkook's hand as he does to lead him further into the room and onto the bed. He lays Jungkook down across the plush white bedspread and settles immediately between his legs.
There's reverence in his touch as he rubs his fingertips over Jungkook's nipples, strokes down his sides, and finally pushes Jungkook's inner thighs apart, silently prompting him to spread his legs.
Jungkook's breath hitches as Taehyung breathes over his aching cock. He can never entirely predict what Taehyung is going to do, and so he half expects him to sink down on it immediately, but he doesn't.
He begins by starting up his teasing of the head again, dragging the tip of his tongue over it where it's still leaking steadily, lapping at it for a moment, which shouldn't have the power to make Jungkook keen and arch against the bed, but because of how on edge he is, it does just that.
Then Taehyung wraps his lips around the head and sucks gently, still playing with his tongue, making it wet. Only then does he sink slowly, all the way down, until Jungkook is nestled snug in his throat, where Taehyung holds him still.
Jungkook moans and grips the bedspread in his fists. He tries to hold back from fucking Taehyung's throat, but he's so far gone that he can't quite keep his hips from rocking forward into that tight, wet heat.
Blessedly, Taehyung doesn't stop him, and Jungkook holds back a little less. He stays buried deep, but he allows his hips to move just a little, just enough to get some friction despite Taehyung's stillness.
He wants to touch so bad, but he knows Taehyung needs to be able to pull off quickly if necessary, and he feels a little out of his mind already, so he keeps his hands in the bedsheets instead of in Taehyung's hair.
It doesn't take long before he's close again. Taehyung holds him in his throat for as long as he can before pulling back to breathe. He flicks at the head of Jungkook's cock with his tongue a few times, catching his breath, and then takes him down deep again, and before Jungkook knows it, his body is tensing.
"Tae," he says. "Taehyung, I'm --" He cuts off as much because he's less than two seconds from coming down Taehyung's throat as because Taehyung suddenly and abruptly pulls off of him with one arched eyebrow.
"You're what?" he asks in a wicked voice as Jungkook moans loud and long and twists against the mattress, pulling at the sheets so hard that the tendons stand out in his wrists.
"Going to come?" Taehyung asks, calm as anything while Jungkook loses his damn mind. "I didn't say you could."
He rubs soothingly at Jungkook's belly as he leans up to get something from the drawer of the bedside table.
Jungkook has tears in his eyes now, so he doesn't know what it is until a moment later when he hears the unmistakable click of the lube being opened. He tenses in anticipation as he thinks that he's finally going to get Taehyung inside him, after all this, but of course he can't be that lucky.
Taehyung slicks up his hand and wraps it around Jungkook's cock, which by now is so red it's nearly purple, so hard that it's aching constantly.
The contact is immediately almost too much. He shakes, his hips twisting, and Taehyung responds by loosening his grip.
"Shh," he whispers, "you're okay, Jungkookie. You're doing so well, baby, doing such a good job for me."
He keeps his fingers loose around Jungkook's cock, letting him get used to the new stimulation, using his voice to calm him down. It works. Jungkook's body relaxes without him needing to try, sinking back down into the mattress and surrendering.
"Good," Taehyung assures him. Slowly, lightly, he begins to stroke up and down Jungkook's cock, the lube making his hand glide easily over him.
"So pretty, Jungkook-ah. Look at you. Can you open your eyes? That's good. Now look at yourself. Look at how pretty you are, all pink and drooling all over yourself, hmm?"
Jungkook draws in a shaky breath, watching Taehyung's hand move so slowly over him, gently coaxing him back toward the edge. His appreciation is both filthy and adoring and it warms Jungkook all the way through.
There is something pretty about it, his cock in Taehyung's hand, flushed with arousal and shining with the lube, precome steadily leaking from the tip.
Taehyung presses the pad of his thumb just there and Jungkook is close again, whimpering and trying to rock up into the touch, but Taehyung squeezes his thigh hard to make him still. He keeps stroking, with only the lightest pressure, until Jungkook thinks he's going to spill any second.
"Taehyung-ah," he calls out, "can I – can I, please?"
Taehyung strokes him again, and again, all the way down and up, but he doesn't give Jungkook permission, so Jungkook does everything he can to hold back. And then Taehyung lets go.
The whine Jungkook lets out is truly pitiful, but that doesn't stop Taehyung. The next moments are some of the most blissfully torturous of Jungkook's life.
Taehyung plays with his cock like it's little more than a toy, tracing the tip of his finger around the head and up and down the length of it until Jungkook is crying. Then he strokes it properly again, for a minute or two, before squeezing only the head in little pulses of his fist.
At one point, he hits Jungkook's cock with a gentle smack of his palm and Jungkook nearly screams. He uses plenty of lube, so every sensation is accompanied by that slick, wet feeling that Jungkook loves. It drips down between his thighs, making a mess of the sheets.
He loses track of how many times Taehyung stops touching him just a breath before he comes, how many times Taehyung cuts him off only just in time.
It reaches a point where each edge is only seconds after the last, and Taehyung nearly misses, grabbing the base of Jungkook's cock in a tight grip at the very last second.
Jungkook writhes and shakes and cries through what he thinks must be a dry orgasm. He sees rainbows behind his eyes and hears Taehyung soothing him through it but can't make out anything he's saying.
After that, he's allowed to calm down a bit. Taehyung takes his hands off of him completely but lies down beside him. He presses sweet little kisses across Jungkook's face and whispers to him about how pretty he is and how he's working so hard and doing such a good job.
He keeps this up until Jungkook has come back to himself enough to turn into the kisses and then start kissing back.
"That was beautiful, baby," Taehyung tells him, and Jungkook feels himself blush. He feels soft and small, even more so when Taehyung cups his face in his hands and looks into his eyes. "We can be done now if you want. If it's too much. You can have your reward right now if you want to."
"Reward?" Jungkook asks.
Taehyung nods, and Jungkook has to admit he's tempted. He feels completely wrung out and a bit exhausted, but it's a good feeling. And he still wants to actually come.
Somehow he doubts that isn't what the reward is, though he also knows that Taehyung wouldn't actually deny him if he really wanted it. He thinks it over, and Taehyung doesn't push him to give him an answer, just waits patiently, ignoring his own arousal, which is evident in the sweatpants he's still wearing.
"I want to keep going," Jungkook decides.
"Are you sure? I won't be upset if you don't want to. I just want to make you feel good."
Jungkook feels fresh tears prick at his eyes and he leans up to kiss Taehyung again. "I do feel good," he says, and it's true. He feels like if Taehyung weren't lying right here beside him, he could float away, he's so light with all the good things flooding his body. "I feel perfect."
"You are perfect," Taehyung says.
Jungkook feels his nose scrunch in a smile, which makes Taehyung smile back. He kisses Jungkook again, and when he pulls back, he says, "If you don't want to stop, then I'm going to fuck you now, okay? Does that sound good?"
Jungkook's stomach swoops. His excitement must show on his face because Taehyung laughs and doesn't ask for an answer.
"Get on your knees," he says.
It's a little hard when his entire body feels like it's made of gelatin, but Jungkook manages.
Taehyung runs the flat of his hand up Jungkook's spine with a light pressure, urging him to lean down so his chest is against the mattress while he remains on his knees, presenting himself.
The position makes him flush, a pleasant flood of awareness of how exposed he is.
Taehyung strips off his clothes, finally, and opens the lube again, even though with all the excess from earlier, he probably doesn't even need it.
The thought makes Jungkook feel filthy, knowing how wet he already is, how eagerly his body will receive whatever Taehyung gives him. He doesn't feel tense at all, but completely relaxed, ready and wanting.
Despite the time to cool down, his cock hangs heavy and hard as ever between his legs. It's impossible not to be aware of it after everything Taehyung has put him through for the last few minutes.
To go from constant stimulation there to none has his body confused. He isn't sure if he wants to leave it alone completely or spread his legs wider, sink lower, to rub himself against the mattress.
Taehyung sets two fingers to Jungkook's hole and circles them over the muscle a couple of times. It feels nice, something they would usually take their time with, but Taehyung must be as hard as Jungkook by now and he's finally getting impatient.
He pushes his two fingers into Jungkook at a slow, steady pace, letting Jungkook's body swallow them consistently, without being rough but without worrying about being too gentle either.
Jungkook moans at the stretch, common enough that he's used to it now. Taehyung avoids his prostate, probably because he knows it's not going to take much for Jungkook to come at this point.
Taehyung adds a third finger after just a moment or two, and from there, he fingers Jungkook open quickly.
His body adjusts easily and before long he's panting and pushing his hips back against four fingers, which Taehyung is diligently working in him, spreading him and fucking into him with wet noises from the lube he keeps adding, even though it's clear that he doesn't need it.
Jungkook's body is open and wet, beyond ready for his cock -- hungry for it. Still, he continues tugging at the rim, smoothing the pad of his thumb so lightly over Jungkook's perineum, spreading his fingers so Jungkook is forced even more open around him.
Once more, Jungkook is at the brink of tears. He doesn't know if he's ever been this hard for this long and he feels dizzy.
Taehyung is focused on him with what seems to be a singular mind, a drive more extreme than what Jungkook typically sees in him. He wonders if he passed out right now, would Taehyung even notice right away?
The thought of Taehyung continuing to fuck his body without Jungkook being aware of it makes Jungkook's hips twitch and he whines.
With the way Taehyung is working him, focused on stretching him rather than filling him, he feels empty, hollowed out. He needs something inside him. He needs Taehyung inside him, and he needs it now.
"Taehyung-ah," he says, voice high and pleading.
"Hmm? Do you want something, baby?"
Jungkook manages a frustrated sigh, which he thinks is pretty good, all things considered. He thinks he hears Taehyung laugh, but he can't be sure over the sound of his own racing pulse.
"Will you please fuck me now?" he says, but it sounds less like begging and more like a demand, which clearly doesn't suit Taehyung, judging by the way he tuts and makes no move to do what Jungkook asks.
He actually takes out one finger, making Jungkook cry out at the sudden loss, and then lightly brushes the three remaining against Jungkook's prostate. He doesn't put much pressure on it, but at this point he doesn't have to; the effect is immediate.
The frustrated tears which had been gathering in Jungkook's eyes now spill over, he sinks deeper into the mattress, legs spreading, as though if he can just open himself up that much more, he'll find the satisfaction he's craving.
The fire inside him had been allowed to rest a little bit, calming to a gentle roar, but now it rushes back to life.
Taehyung brushes over the same spot again and Jungkook keens. His lower back and thighs ache, he can feel lube dribbling down the insides of his legs, and his cock is back to leaking steadily onto the mattress beneath him.
The feeling of being spread and used, denied what he wants while Taehyung keeps him as close to the edge as possible, all adds to the physical sensations overwhelming him and Taehyung very quickly gets his way.
Jungkook hears himself make a long, drawn out sound that he couldn't even describe, that he's barely aware of making before it registers as a noise in his ears.
" Please , Tae," he cries. "Please fuck me, please give me your cock, I need it."
He sounds pathetic, but this at least seems to finally satisfy Taehyung. He makes a low sound of approval, slicks his cock with more lube, and only then does he finally pull the rest of his fingers out of Jungkook's ass.
He pauses, most likely to watch Jungkook's stretched out hole take a moment to close again, which makes Jungkook shiver, and then finally Jungkook feels the head of that perfect cock nudging against him.
Jungkook is so wet and well-prepped at this point that Taehyung's cock sinks easily into him, and they both let out long groans at the feeling.
The sensation of finally being stuffed full is so completely satisfying in its own way that Jungkook doesn't even care what Taehyung does next. Taehyung feels so big inside of him, even with everything that had led up to this, and Jungkook settles in to enjoy it for as long as he can.
He must look as blissed out as he feels, because in an absolutely wrecked voice, one that betrays just how close to the edge he is himself, Taehyung says, "You like that, baby? Does it feel good, on my cock?"
Jungkook moans and nods, swimming in the sea of sensations rolling through him.
"Come on, princess, tell me how you feel."
Suddenly giving Taehyung exactly what he wants doesn't seem so difficult.
"Feels so good, Taehyungie," he moans. "Always make me feel so good."
Taehyung makes a low sound from somewhere deep in his chest, and he finally starts fucking Jungkook, fucking him like he's no doubt been waiting to do for nearly an hour now. Jungkook cries out when Taehyung first pulls back and thrusts, fast and dirty, right back in again.
There's so much lube that Jungkook can hear it and feel it both, and it's so filthy, he's so filthy, and it pushes him down even further into the headspace that has him whimpering and whining, tears leaking as steadily as his precome is.
Taehyung's hands find his waist and grip onto him, using the hold to pull Jungkook back against him, impaling him on his cock with every thrust.
Sometimes he likes to take it slow, but some of that wildness Jungkook had noticed in him earlier seems to have come back, and it's like he can't hold himself back anymore. He fucks into Jungkook hard and fast.
Jungkook's heavy cock jolts with every movement, making it impossible to ignore.
Taehyung is so big that every stroke puts the most delicious pressure on Jungkook's prostate, and it only gets worse -- or better, Jungkook can't decide -- when his hands shift from his waist to the small of his back.
"Stay up," he says in a voice that barely sounds like him, and then he leans his weight onto his hands.
Jungkook gasps. The pressure against his low back immediately makes his legs shake and want to collapse underneath him.
Holding himself up under the added weight makes him have to focus on the task, which pulls him even more out of his own mind, but the way the pressure slightly changes the angle of his hips also makes it so that instead of simply rubbing across his prostate with every stroke, Taehyung is now grinding against it constantly.
It takes him from pleasantly dancing along the edge of orgasm to right there in about half a second.
" Fuck ," he cries out. "Tae -- Tae, I'm going to -- please, can I come? Please, Tae, please," he babbles, desperate to hold on until Taehyung gives him permission but increasingly sure he won't be able to hold it much longer, if at all.
He's dimly aware of the fact that he's crying, but all he can focus on is the overwhelming feeling that he wants to come, needs to come, is going to come any second.
"You're doing so good, Kook," Taehyung tells him. "Hold it for as long as you can, and then you can come, okay, baby?"
Jungkook sobs in a mix of frustration and relief. He has the urge to close his legs, squeeze them tight, to try to stave it off, but he can't. He tightens all the muscles in his tummy, but that isn't enough either.
Desperate, he reaches down and grips his balls, pulling hard to try to keep himself under control. It takes the edge off for a second or two and then even that isn't enough.
"Fuck, Jungkook," Taehyung says, still fucking him mercilessly through all of this. "You're so pretty, baby. Trying so hard for me -- my good boy. So hot, Kook-ah."
The praise finally forces Jungkook past the limit of too much.
His whole body shakes as he desperately tries to hold on, to stay back from the edge, but with Taehyung's hands holding him down, his big cock fucking him open, and his pretty words all low and intoxicating, Jungkook finally loses the battle with his own body.
Every muscle across his back and thighs seize. He sobs as he comes. He feels it tearing through him, ripping him apart, like every feeling he has is flipped inside out.
After being edged so many times, to finally come feels like heaven and hell clashing inside of him at the same time. It's painful, and it's perfect.
His oversensitive cock spills more come than he thinks it ever has, over the mattress beneath him, some of it even mixing with the lube on his thighs as he thrusts, instinctively, against nothing.
Just before it's done, Taehyung reaches down and wraps his hand around Jungkook again. Jungkook practically screams as he pulls on it a couple of times, milking it of the last few drops of come, which drool out as though even that is suddenly exhausted.
"Yes, Jungkook, fuck , that was so good. You were so good, baby," Taehyung says.
Jungkook burns with oversensitivity, but he wouldn't tell Taehyung to stop now for anything. Taehyung thrusts into him a couple more times and then pulls out suddenly, flipping Jungkook onto his back away from the wet spot on the mattress.
He pushes Jungkook's legs up to make room and then shoves back inside. He looks wild, on edge, and when he puts his hands on Jungkook's lower belly and presses down hard, he groans at the feeling.
Jungkook watches, wrung out and still helplessly turned on, as Taehyung uses his body to chase his own finish.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Taehyung says, finally losing some control now that Jungkook has gotten off. "Where do you want my come, jagiya? You gotta tell me now."
Jungkook's heart kicks happily at the endearment and he knows the answer without having to think.
"Inside, Taehyungie. Inside me, please."
Taehyung nods, and a second later he's coming, grinding down into Jungkook's body as he moans and pulses through a long, well-earned orgasm. Swimming with endorphins, Jungkook watches him, feeling pleased and proud.
With a sigh, Taehyung collapses down on top of Jungkook without pulling out right away. They both need a moment to adjust.
He tangles his fingers into Jungkook's hair, and Jungkook wraps his arms around Taehyung's waist, holding him close. He feels protective of Taehyung all of a sudden, knowing how hard he worked to make Jungkook feel good.
"That was perfect, Taehyung-ah," he says, low against Taehyung's ear. "You made me feel so good. Thank you."
Taehyung squeezes him tighter and makes a vulnerable sound that Jungkook can't quite describe. He sits up a little to pull out gently.
Jungkook feels the inevitable dribble of mess from his ass, a feeling that never fails to make the heat stir in his belly all over again, despite how worn out he is.
Taehyung knows it, and so even as he settles them onto their sides to face each other and presses a languorous kiss to Jungkook's lips, his hand dips down over Jungkook's hip to his ass to play with his hole.
Jungkook shivers as Taehyung dips two fingers easily into it, wiggling idly in the lube and come leaking out of him.
It's somehow playful and hot and dirty and silly all at the same time, and Jungkook feels how it keeps him warm but lightens him at the same time, rooting him into the sensuality of the moment while also helping to bring him back to himself.
They keep kissing through the long comedown period, wanting to maintain their closeness. Occasionally Taehyung will speak to him without pulling away, talking right into the kiss to say so pretty, thank you for letting me take care of you, I love you .
After a while though, as Jungkook's body finally seems to be returning to some sort of equilibrium, he starts to notice that the same isn't happening for Taehyung. He's not hard anymore, but he doesn't seem to be calming down fully either.
He seems more sensitive than usual, responding to the kissing with little gasps and twitches. When he opens his eyes, they're still heavy the way they get when he's turned on and wanting. And he's fidgety, antsy, like his body is completely awake when it should be as drowsy as Jungkook's is.
Finally, Jungkook pulls back, a little concerned. "Tae?" he asks. "Are you okay?"
Taehyung meets his eyes and bites his lip, suddenly seeming shy. Jungkook can't help smiling a little. No one does duality like Kim Taehyung.
"It's your reward," he says. His voice has completely changed, still low and sweet but with none of that air of control from earlier. Now he sounds timid, even a little embarrassed.
Before Jungkook can ask, Taehyung turns onto his front and hitches up his leg on the mattress, canting his hips back so Jungkook can see the plug nestled inside him.
"Fuck, Tae," he says, a new spring of arousal welling up in him. "How long have you --"
But he finds he doesn't need to finish the question. The whole plot pops easily into his head: how Jimin had called as soon as they got home from the restaurant, how Taehyung had quickly passed the phone off to Jungkook and disappeared, how Jimin had ended the call abruptly after getting a notification, and then Taehyung had already been changed and waiting for him in the bedroom. He huffs out a laugh even as his cheeks go pink.
Then the full implications hit him as he realizes that Taehyung had a plug inside of him the entire time he'd been playing with Jungkook, toying with him, edging him for as long as he could.
The entire time he'd been fucking him, coming, ushering Jungkook through the process of cooling down.
"Fuck," he says again.
Taehyung whimpers, like now that Jungkook knows about it he doesn't have to hold back his reactions to it anymore. He must be oversensitive too, having just come so hard himself.
He's still holding himself so Jungkook can see it, and he can't resist reaching out to tug on it a little bit, watching it pull at Taehyung's rim, making him gasp.
"This is for me?" Jungkook asks.
Taehyung nods.
"What --" Jungkook has to pause to swallow. "What do you want me to do?"
"It's your reward, Jungkook-ah. You can do whatever you want."
The words drop through Jungkook like liquid heat. He has to close his eyes and just calm down for a moment.
He won't be able to get hard again for a while, but that doesn't stop the rest of his body from jumping fully on board. Jungkook knows exactly what he wants to do. He suspects Taehyung knows too.
In keeping with what Jungkook knows of Taehyung's preferences, which is quite a lot at this point in his life, there isn't much lube from what he can tell. He gives the plug another gentle pull, just to test it, and Taehyung responds immediately, a small sound falling from his lips.
Again the thought of him doing everything he'd done over the course of the last hour, all with the plug inside of him, nestled right up against his prostate the entire time, makes Jungkook feel a little wild under the skin. No wonder he had been so on edge the whole time.
"Are you ready now?" he asks.
Taehyung nods again, always less talkative when he gives all the power over to Jungkook. Jungkook promises himself that he'll use it well.
He gets into position behind Taehyung and gently prompts him to lift his hips a bit more, which he does, following instructions easily now.
Jungkook tucks two fingers under the base of the plug, bracing his thumb against it, and tugs, testing the resistance. There's some -- it's been a while since Taehyung put it in, after all -- but it isn't too bad, so he decides not to add more lube.
Carefully, he pulls on it, just hard enough to slowly urge it free. Taehyung moans lowly as the flare of the plug stretches him, and then it's out. Jungkook tosses it aside.
At its widest, the plug had been about the size of two fingers, so Taehyung still needs to be stretched a little bit. Jungkook gets just enough lube to get the job done, and sinks two fingers into him without much preamble, not wanting his body to have time to readjust now that the plug has been removed.
Jungkook works him open with two fingers and then adds a third, focusing on stretching him for now.
Once Taehyung is pushing back against his fingers, looking for the right kind of pressure inside, Jungkook knows he's ready. He pulls out and turns Taehyung onto his back. He wants to be able to see him fall apart.
He slips three fingers back into him and immediately crooks them up, finding Taehyung's prostate easily. Taehyung simply takes the pleasure, reacting to it without demanding more.
So Jungkook gives it to him. He massages his fingers into Taehyung's prostate with a firm, steady pressure, finding a rhythm that's slow but relentless, gentle but inexorable.
Despite how hard he came just a few minutes earlier, it doesn't take long for Taehyung to get worked back up again. After a few minutes, he's leaking against his belly, and not long after that, low, sweet little sounds are dripping from him just as consistently.
He twitches against Jungkook's hand, and Jungkook suspects it's because he's trying not to move too much, trying to let Jungkook have complete control over everything he's feeling.
Jungkook is weak with love for him.
"That's it, Tae," he coaxes. "Just relax. I'll get you there, baby, I promise."
When he feels Taehyung's body start to pull tight inside, he increases the force from his fingers, picks up the speed a little bit. He loves everything about this moment, being able to feel with his own hands how Taehyung's body responds to him.
He wants more, as much as he can get, so at the last moment, he rests his free hand gently over Taehyung's soft cock, not enough pressure to add much stimulation, but just enough that he can feel the minute shifts inside as Taehyung comes again, clenching around Jungkook's fingers and finally losing the battle to keep his hips still, soft cock pulsing just a little as the come drools out of it and drips across his belly.
Taehyung moans through it, tears catching in his lashes as he squeezes his eyes shut, but Jungkook doesn't let up the pressure on his prostate until his cock finally stops leaking, drained dry.
Finally finished, Jungkook pulls his fingers out carefully and then quickly leans down over Tae to lap up the come from his skin.
Taehyung whimpers at the feeling of Jungkook's tongue dragging across him, gathering it up. It probably tickles, because when he glances up at Tae, he's got his hands lightly clenched into fists on his chest.
When Jungkook crawls up to get close to him, Taehyung takes one look at his eyes and opens his mouth. Holding his gaze, Jungkook purses his lips and lets the come he gathered up from Tae's belly slip slowly onto Taehyung's tongue, feeding his own come back to him.
Taehyung's eyes flutter but he doesn't look away. Jungkook pulls back to look at him, so beautiful, his hair a mess and his own come in his open mouth.
Jungkook is intensely aware of his own body's valiant efforts to get him hard again.
"Go ahead and swallow, baby," he says. He sounds completely fucked, wrecked, and he's not surprised.
He watches Taehyung's throat move as he swallows it down, feels his heart do a flip in his chest when Taehyung opens his mouth again to show him that he did it.
That just about breaks him. He surges forward and kisses Taehyung's open mouth, tasting him. They make identical sounds into the kiss and Jungkook has to break away just to laugh with joy. He touches his forehead to Taehyung's and they breathe together for a moment, finally coming down for real.
"Happy anniversary, Jungkookie," Taehyung says. Jungkook opens his eyes but doesn't move away, and finds Taehyung already looking at him.
"Happy anniversary, Taehyung-ah," he says, unable to stop his nose from scrunching in a smile. He kisses Taehyung's bottom lip, the tip of his nose, the pretty little spot under his eye.
They take a few more minutes just to lie in bed, catching their breath, feeling close to one another, but then Taehyung starts to get fidgety in the way that means he's uncomfortable. It's no wonder. They're both quite sticky by this point.
Jungkook pulls Taehyung up out of the bed and brings him into the bathroom to start a bath.
He makes sure the water is a good temperature -- warm enough to be soothing but not so warm that it will make them sweaty all over again -- and then leaves Taehyung to keep an eye on it while he goes to get some water. It's just them in the apartment so he doesn't bother with clothes.
When he returns to the bathroom with two bottles of water a couple minutes later, Taehyung has stopped the tap from filling the tub at just the right level that they can both sit in it and move around a bit without water sloshing all over the floor.
Jungkook hands Taehyung one of the bottles and opens the other for himself. They stand and drink quietly together, watching each other, and once they've both had enough water to rehydrate, Jungkook sets the bottles down beside the tub and climbs in.
He reaches out his hands to help Taehyung in too, and when they settle, Taehyung leans back against Jungkook's chest.
For a few minutes it's quiet as they just enjoy the warmth and each other, the pleasant buzz of bodies well-used, until something occurs to Jungkook and he feels his face heat up.
"Taehyung," he says.
Tae hums in response, probably half asleep already.
"How much did you tell Jimin about your plan exactly?"
Taehyung laughs -- laughs a little too hard for Jungkook to trust him when he says, "Nothing! Nothing, I swear. I told him I needed him to distract you for a few minutes, that's it."
Jungkook glares at the back of his head, but he can't even keep up the act alone. It doesn't matter anyway; Jimin may not know exactly what he was doing, but he can probably make a decent guess. Jungkook is just going to have to deal with the consequences.
He can't pretend it won't have been worth it, even when Jimin is inevitably insufferable about it.
After they've relaxed for a little while, they clean up a bit in the bath, sometimes cleaning themselves, sometimes letting their hands wander to help clean each other.
They rinse off quickly in the shower after, and by the time they're finished, Jungkook feels exhausted and Taehyung is practically falling asleep on his feet.
They finish off their waters and dry themselves off before ruffling each other's hair with their towels, which makes them both giggle.
Jungkook insists on stripping the bed and remaking it, which Taehyung complains about despite the dirty sheets because he's sleepy.
He stops complaining when Jungkook does all the work without getting dressed first. Taehyung pulls a big t-shirt on over his head, a pair of boxers, and stands off to the side to watch.
A few minutes later, they're tucked in together, enjoying the clean sheets and the warmth of their bodies held close. Jungkook feels perfectly content, comfortable and cared for, fulfilled in all the ways that matter most.
He's safe and happy, in bed with the love of his life. His career is in great shape after his choreography project turned out so well that the production is still running nearly a year later, and Taehyung is finally preparing to release an album, which Jungkook has helped to craft from the ground up.
Everything is as close to perfect as it could reasonably be, but Jungkook has never been one to settle.
"Taehyung," he says into the warm dark of their bedroom.
"Hmm?" Taehyung says, sounding half asleep.
Jungkook can feel him in his arms, breathing, tender and soft, the strongest person he's ever known and yet so fragile when he's with Jungkook. Jungkook thinks of all the time they wasted not being together, all those years of heartache and loss.
He doesn't regret them anymore though -- not the way he used to anyway. Those years apart were painful, but they helped them to grow.
Without them, they may not ever have been able to have what they have now: not just comfort, but security; not just love, but partnership. He draws Taehyung more closely to him beneath the blankets, and Taehyung comes along willingly.
He starts to hum a little tune that Jungkook recognizes as one of the songs they made together. He hums along, just enjoying the moment. He wants to spend every moment enjoying Taehyung, celebrating and indulging him and this beautiful thing that fate granted them, or that they built, or both.
"What were you going to say, Jungkook-ah?" Taehyung asks, sleepy, when the song drifts off into the quiet night.
Jungkook smiles against his shoulder.
"I was thinking it might be nice to take a vacation."
Notes:
And that's a wrap!!
Once again, I just want to say how truly grateful and touched I am by all of the love and support this story and these characters have gotten over the last month. Your lovely comments have been bright points in my day every time they come through my email.
I truly hope you've enjoyed these final moments of the story because I want to give back some of the joy that I've received from you. And I'm sorry if this epilogue melted you! I think the characters really ran away with me on this one -- guess they wanted to go out with a bang!
I don't blame them. Working on this has been a gift, and I'm grateful to everyone who's been along for the ride. <3
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