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“Okay, okay, what about Hawthorne?” Piper says to Mika after another swig of her drink. The couple sits at a corner table in Dugout, a rapidly draining bottle of bourbon between them.
“Him? He is gay for sure,” Mika says back through a hiccup.
“You think everyone is gay, Red.”
“Everyone is little gay,” Mika giggles. “You are lot gay.” She taps Piper on the nose.
“A quality about myself I’m suddenly regretting,” Piper returns, although she smiles at Mika’s touch.
“Pfft. You looove me.” Mika tries to kiss Piper’s lips, but she misses and ends up getting her on the crux of her chin and jaw. She doesn’t seem to notice.
“I do hate when you’re right.” Piper helps her out, brushing their lips together. “But probably not about Hawthorne.”
“Fiiine. He and farm girl, yes? One who come in with father once a month or so?” Mika says. “Lucy, I think is name. She is always watching him.”
“Hmm. I can see that. Soft woman for a hard man and all.” Piper drains the rest of her glass with a grimace. “Mr. Zwicky.” Mika opens her mouth to answer, but Piper cuts her off. “And, no, don’t say he’s gay.” Mika pouts at her girlfriend.
“Was not going to. He is hot for robot assistant, Miss Edna.”
“Really? The Miss Nanny?”
“Mhm. This I call.” Mika sits back, a challenge in her eyes.
“Well, you spend more time around them than I do,” Piper says. “How would they even… y’know.” Her face flushes, and not just because of the alcohol.
“Involves two stick brahmin butter, hot water, and lot of patience,” Mika says. Piper snorts and spills some of the bourbon she pours.
“Do I even want to ask?” Mika leans in to whisper in Piper’s ear.
“Easier to show than tell,” she says. She pinches just below Piper’s ribs and bites her earlobe. Piper pushes her away, despite the heat that instantly rises in her lower abdomen.
“Yes, yes, you’re very sexy. Think I’ll pass on that one, though. But,” Piper sneaks her hand up Mika’s inner thigh, drawing a sharp inhale from the redhead, “if you have any other interesting ideas, let me know.” Mika practically growls and grabs Piper’s other hand.
“Oh, just you wait for-”
A cough from the other side of the table draws both women’s attention. Neither had heard Travis approach.
“H-hi, Mika. Piper,” he says. Piper quickly removes her hand from Mika’s leg.
“Hey, Travis. What’s up?” she says as though she weren’t three seconds from jumping her girlfriend’s bones a moment ago.
“I just wanted to… see how you guys- gals- ladies, uh, were doing tonight, and-” Mika raises a brow to him. “I need your help,” he mutters.
“Take seat,” Mika says and gestures to the chair across. He does so with a quiet “thanks.”
“What’s up?” Piper repeats. Mika offers Travis a glass of bourbon, but he shakes his head. Instead, he tugs at the end of his sleeve.
“You guys are a couple, right?” he says.
“Something like this,” Mika returns. She looks to the fresh tattoo on Piper’s arm - a grenade exploding, its blast in the shape of a heart - and then to the matching one on her own.
“H-how… how do I, y’know…” He looks between them, a silent plea for mercy.
“Travis, do we need have ‘talk?’” Mika glibs.
“N-no! Not. That. I just-” he trails off.
“Who is she?” Piper asks. Mika leans in closer to hear.
“I-it’s Scarlett, the waitress,” Travis says. He turns the colour of her name. “She’s just so beautiful. I want to- to ask her on a date.” Mika and Piper look to each other, then back to Travis.
“Oh, Travis, that’s, uh, that’s gonna be a bit of a prob-” Piper begins, but as if on cue, Scarlett scrambles out of the office, Vadim right after her.
“Stay away, you mutant!” she laughs. Vadim catches her by the waist and places kisses along her neck.
“You know you cannot resist me,” he says back. Scarlett laughs again before kissing him fully. Travis looks as though he’s just discovered he’s a synth.
“-blem…” Piper finishes. She scratches the back of her head.
“Why, why does this keep happening to me?” Travis bemoans as he buries his face in his hands. Mika pushes the glass of bourbon toward him again. He takes a deep drink, coughing as it goes down.
“You certainly have type,” Mika chuckles. Piper elbows her in the ribs.
“Sorry, Travis,” Piper amends. “I guess you just need to be quicker on the draw, so to speak.”
“B-but how? I don’t get out very much,” he says. “Every woman I meet is either taken,” he looks to Scarlett, “or-” he looks to Mika, who still holds Piper’s hand. “Well, you know.”
“Word is gay, Travis,” Mika says through a smirk. “You see solution, yes?”
“I see a solution,” Piper says to Mika.
“W-what’s the solution?”
“He does not see solution,” Mika says to Piper.
“Not at all.”
“Guys…” Travis interjects. The women turn back to him.
“You must get out more!” Mika says. “And stop being such pus-” Piper elbows her again. “-scaredy cat-” Mika glares at Piper. “-with women.”
“To be specific,” Piper adds, “you need to actually talk to one. Instead of watching them wistfully until it’s too late.”
“I-I’m not, well, good. At talking to women. Or anyone really,” Travis says.
“This we know,” Mika says and takes a sip of her drink.
“You have to try more. Most people aren’t going to bite your head off just for saying ‘hi,’” Piper says.
“And you must practice. Speak with many women.” Travis turns to Mika.
“But don’t seem like you’re just playing the field to see what works. Women don’t want to feel like second or third choice.” Back to Piper.
“Do not settle on first one give you attention, though. Find one you really like.” To Mika.
“Speak with purpose, but not to the exclusion of listening.” Piper again.
“Guys…” Travis says again. His neck begins to ache.
“But above all else-” Mika.
“You must-” Piper.
“-be confident.” Both. Travis thinks he might vomit.
“This is a lot to take in…” he says.
“How is your kissing?” Mika says. “Come, come. Show.” Mika scoots her chair toward a wide-eyed Travis.
“What? What do you mean?” he says.
“What you think I mean? Show.” She leans in toward Travis, and he almost falls out of his seat.
“I-I can’t kiss you!”
“Why is this? I have no sick.” Travis’ eyes dart to Piper.
“Hm? Oh, don’t worry on my account,” Piper says. “You aren’t exactly her type.” Travis turns back to Mika, who waits expectantly.
Hesitantly, he leans in toward her. As quickly as he can, he swoops in and pecks her on the lips before retreating. Mika opens her eyes.
“What fuck is this, Travis?”
“I-I kissed you,” he sputters.
“Chert voz’mi…” Mika grabs his head with both hands and presses her lips firmly to his. Travis is stiff for several moments before relaxing enough to kiss her back. Then Mika pulls away. “This is not bad once you stop with panic.”
“Your hands were pretty dormant, though. Don’t forget that a kiss isn’t just what’s going on with your mouths,” Piper adds as she swirls the bourbon in her glass, other hand posed thoughtfully upon her chin. “And you need to relax your shoulders.”
Travis only then opens his eyes, his entire face as red as Piper’s trench coat.
“I… what?” Both women sigh.
“Do what you just do, and should be fine,” Mika says. She scans the room, and eventually her eyes land on a suitable subject. “Okay, see woman at end of bar?” Mika nods to a woman with - what else? - red hair and a floral dress. “Go talk with her.”
“Now,” Piper says when Travis hesitates.
“W-what do I say?” he asks.
“Introduce yourself. Ask her her name, how her evening is going. Then go from there,” Piper pushes.
“Here, drink.” Mika pushes Travis’ refilled glass to him. He does as he’s told before standing, only a slight sway as he does. He looks back to the two women again, and Mika shoos him toward Flowers. Travis takes a deep breath, straightens his jacket, and does his best to swagger to the bar. Mika and Piper watch as he takes the stool next to the woman.
“He is stiff,” Mika says. She refills both her and Piper’s glasses.
“Give him a minute,” Piper says back and slides a basket of potato crisps between them.
They can’t hear what is said, but Flowers is smiling as Travis talks. His shoulders slowly relax when she laughs at something he says.
“See?” Piper says, munching on a crisp. “Laughter is good.”
“Da, can be,” Mika returns through a crisp of her own. Flowers scoots almost imperceptibly closer to Travis on her stool.
“Wait for it…” Piper says. The woman places a hand on Travis’ arm, and to both Mika and Piper’s surprise, he maintains a cool posture. After a few more words from her, he even leans in closer as well. “There it is.”
Piper and Mika watch this exchange for about half an hour. Eventually, Flowers whispers in Travis’ ear. The two-woman audience is proud of how little he flushes. Travis pays for the woman’s drink, stands, and offers her his arm. As the pair strolls out of Dugout, Piper gives Travis a thumbs-up, and Mika points to her puckered lips before motioning to his hands. Travis mouths a “thank you” before disappearing with the woman.
“Think he’s got this?” Piper says to Mika.
“In truth? I do not really care,” Mika returns, which makes Piper laugh.
“Yeah, me neither.” Piper finishes her glass. “You wanna go mess around now?” Mika grins.
“Always.” Following Travis’ lead, Mika stands, offers Piper her arm, and the two head to Mika’s bedroom.