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The first buzz of his phone takes Henry out of his thoughts and he instinctively dives for it, slamming his palm over the offending screen to end the call before it wakes little Dawn up.
He holds his breath, staring at her daughter's steadily rising and falling back until he’s sure she’s still sleeping soundly, and only then he allows his shoulders to relax. He puts a gentle hand on the girl’s back—so small, so damn small under his hands—and returns to his screen, staring unseeing at the words. Dawn’s heart is right above his where she’s strapped to his chest, beating like the wings of a hummingbird, and Henry focuses on that instead, gently brushing the wispy curls away from her head, pressing a ghostly kiss to her head from an inch away. It takes him an embarrassingly long time to remember exactly why he’s been worried about waking her up in the first place, and even a longer time to actually reach for the phone to look at who it was.
Love ❤️ . Of course. Henry rolls his eyes but he’s smiling anyway as he presses on the facetime button, propping his phone up on his laptop screen, wrapping one arm around Dawn’s body and using his free hand to tug in his bluetooth earbuds. Alex’s voice booms from the other side when he answers.
“You better have a good fucking reason for sending me to voicemail, Hen.” He glares at the phone for one second before he actually sees the screen, and then his face melts into something Henry can only describe as fond. “Oh,” he whispers, dropping his mug of coffee onto the counter so he can lean in closer to the phone. “Look who’s there.”
“Yeah.” Henry keeps his voice so low he isn’t even sure Alex can hear him. He doesn’t seem to mind, eyes taking in the picture in front of him with parted lips, the edge of his finger covering the camera when he undoubtedly reaches to caress his daughter’s head. “She’s been kicking up a fuss and I just got her to sleep on my shoulder. I didn’t have the heart to leave her.”
Alex doesn’t even meet Henry’s eyes. “You fucking sap,” he whispers as if he doesn’t walk around with Dawn in his arms whenever he’s home. Henry sends him a scathing glare—or whatever he can muster watching Alex’s lips tilt into a smile. “Is she okay? She’s not one to throw a tantrum first thing in the morning.” Finally Alex looks at Henry, but his head is still tilted as if he’s watching his daughter, as if that’s the center of his universe now. Henry thinks he could’ve made a joke about Alex dropping him the moment she came to their house, but the words get stuck in his throat at the face of the sheer love he feels for the small being in his arms and he thinks—Alex isn’t too far off. This… This is his everything.
“I actually think she misses you,” he says gently, moving his shoulder so Dawn can settle better and offers Alex a smile. “She got used to having you around the house, and then suddenly she was left with me and my lackluster diaper changing skills.” Henry’s tone isn’t even accusatory but he sees Alex’s face break anyway, knuckles tightening around his coffee mug. He’s been home the last few weeks, on paternity leave from work to take care of Dawn, and Henry knows going away is hitting him nearly as hard as it’s been hitting Dawn. Not that Alex never called him from work, but it’s barely past ten and he had to drag himself out of the house in the first place because he didn’t want to leave Dawn. They always knew it would be a process, to get used to going back to work after spending so much time in a family bubble, but Henry didn’t quite expect it to be this hard.
“I’m coming back home,” Alex declares, putting his mug down so quickly coffee spills from the sides. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes. I can change all the diapers.”
It’s not physically possible but Henry swears he feels a crack in his chest. “Darling, that’s not necessary.”
“I’m coming anyway. I know the tricks, baby.” Alex grabs the phone from the counter and beelines outside of the break room to what Henry assumes is his office. “I can clean her up real nice and you can write your book to your heart’s desire—“
“I’m writing quite well actually.” Alex makes a face at him and opens his mouth, but Henry uses the opening to cut in. “Alex, you have work to do.”
“Not as important as my baby.”
“It’s important to you. Hey.” It’s either the softness in Henry’s voice or Alex made it to his office because he stops, looking at the phone with conflict in his eyes, lips pulled tight and brows furrowed. “Love, I know you miss her. God knows I miss having you around when you go to work, and I imagine she feels quite the same. But you can’t take off from work every time one of us needs you.”
Alex sets his jaw in that petulant way. “I can try.” Henry tilts his head to look at him, his husband, this man he loves so goddamn much it doesn’t fit in his chest sometimes, and wonders yet again just how he got so lucky to have him. He watches Alex’s face dissolve into a frown first, and then a pout tugging at his lips, eyes wide and so, so sad it breaks Henry’s heart all over again. “I just hate that she’s home without me,” he whispers, settling into his chair—so he’s in his office, then. “I know she has you and I know I extended my leave as much as I could but I just… I want to be there for her. For every moment of her life. Every breath, every cry, every blink, and just… It feels fucking wrong to be away. Like, I have a pile of cases to get back to, so fucking what? My baby needs me.”
“I know, love,” Henry says gently, suddenly wishing he could reach out and hold onto Alex’s hands. “I wish you could be here, too. I wish world would stop and we just had our little Dawn and nothing else to worry about. But having a kid doesn’t mean we should put our lives on hold. You love your job.” Alex makes a face as if he wants to disagree, but he keeps his mouth shut. “Dawn is a part of our lives, Alex. A big fucking part—“
“Language,” Alex whispers in a choked up voice and Henry laughs. “Our baby is right next to you.”
“Sorry.” He smiles and holds the phone tight, as if he could hug Alex if he just tried hard enough. “All I’m trying to say is that a lot will change now that we have her, but some things can stay the same and I… I like that. I like that you have a job you enjoy, that I have a shelter to take care of on the weekends, that I have my book that I’m really excited about, and that our work schedules align so at least one of us can be with Dawn at all times. I love that we have a baby, but I also love that we have each others and we have our lives. We don’t have to choose, no matter how hard it feels to do that.” He wipes his thumb over the screen when he sees tears fill Alex’s eyes and lets his lips curl into a smile. “You’re a great father, Alex, but also a great person. A great lawyer. Don’t forget that.” He watches as Alex purses his lips and glares at him as if he’s annoyed at Henry for being right. He knows that look quite well.
“Why do you have to be right all the time?” he complains and Henry lets out a laugh. “Why couldn’t you have just let me come home and be with my kid instead of being a good husband?”
“I think your boss would probably hate me if I did that.”
“She hates everyone, Henry. You’re not special.” Alex lets his voice trail off as his eyes find Dawn again, gazing at him with a kind of love Henry has never seen from him before. A younger version of himself would’ve probably been jealous, but now it just fills him with a kind of warmth that’s impossible to explain. His little family. He wouldn’t exchange them for anything.
“I should let you go,” Alex whispers and Henry finds his eyes again. “To focus on your writing.”
“It’s okay, darling. You’re not distracting.”
“I should let you go and actually do my work so I can leave early and be with you two.” Alex offers him the smallest of smiles and turns to Dawn again. It still takes him a minute to pull himself away from the call, and then another to say his goodbyes, wiping his cheeks discreetly. Henry feels the sudden urge to wrap him into a tight hug.
“Tell her I miss her,” Alex tells him before he ends the call. “When she wakes up. That Papa misses her very much.”
“I will.” He smiles at Alex one final time and presses that fateful red button. His face appears on the screen when it turns black, tears clinging to his own lashes as well, fingers curled into fists over the table. He turns to his writing, and then to the sleeping figure of Dawn, so peaceful even after all that talk, and realizes quickly he won’t be able to focus even if he tried. Not after that.
He loops his arm around Dawn even though he knows she can’t hear him. “How about we go on a little field trip, love?” he asks. Dawn doesn’t answer, but he imagines she’ll like this one.
“Just this once,” Henry whispers as he lets Alex take Dawn from his arms, a grin splitting his face. “I’m bringing her just for today.”
“That’s a lie,” Alex coos as he tickles Dawn, and she laughs in that way babies laugh before they learn how to, all puckered lips and squeezed eyes. “That’s a lie, isn’t it sweetpie? Dad’s lying through his teeth.”
“Alex.”
“He’s gonna bring you here every day if I flash him my pursed lips, right?” Dawn laughs again right before Alex hugs him tight, face buried to the crook of her neck. He looks absolutely ridiculous, considering how small Dawn is, but Henry feels his heart stitch together at the sight of it anyway. He meets Alex’s eyes above Dawn’s shoulder and offers him a smile.
“Just for today,” he repeats even though his conviction is already slipping. Alex smiles at him anyway and kisses Dawn’s hair.
“Then just for today,” he whispers, holding Henry’s gaze for so long something in Henry’s chest dissolves, “thank you.”
Henry knows, when Alex turns back to their baby again to kiss her cheek, that it’s a losing game. He’ll bring Dawn here any day if he gets to watch the two love of his life this happy.