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"Aaaand that's how you calculate torque from the force in Newtons." Sigma leans back against his chair, clearly proud of his work. "Man, all this takes me back to hanging with Jump. Well, technically his name's Junpei, but I just call him Jump, 'cus he jumped like a rabbit if you startled him. Anyways, the two of us were frat bros back in Delta Sig."
Phi raises a brow. "Your fraternity was called Delta Sigma?"
"Delta Sigma Phi." He grins, and she feels like somewhere out there, this is the punchline to a grand cosmic joke.
"Hey, wait, didn't you say you studied in Cali? This Junpei guy... he wouldn't have happened to be, like, a total weenie, right?" Clover, who's been a fly on the wall until now, pipes up from the sofa.
"Oh, the biggest." Sigma's grin stretches across his face. "We had a movie night once, right? Like, for Halloween. And he squealed like a pig when we put on Zombie House III."
"Was he a brunette?"
"Yeah."
"Lanky?"
"Like if I breathed on him too hard he'd collapse."
"Okay okay. Okay. Was he, uh, y'know?" Clover makes a gesture with her hand.
"Well, he dressed like a lesbian. Like, had this red flannel and a hoodie and a vest. Does that answer your question?"
"Oh my god. Ohhhh my god. You're kidding. That's where he fucked off to? When we get outta here, I'm gonna axe that guy."
Phi snorts. "I just can't believe an old geezer like you has frat bros."
"Be quiet you fetus , the adults are speaking-"
"I'm older than Clover!"
The youngest in question butts back in before Sigma and Phi devolve back into their trademark bickering.
"Really, though, how'd you two of all people start hanging out?"
"Well, he needed help in physics." Sigma nearly puffs his chest out in pride. "So I tutored him, but we kept hanging out even after he passed his final." Sigma pauses. "He was kinda cute- not in the gay way or anything, though. I mean, like, I think he was bi, but we didn't like each other like that. We were just bros."
Phi looks a bit nauseous. Sigma continues anyways because he's Sigma. "Oh, we slept together once."
"You what."
"Like, actual sleeping. We'd just gone to this party, and we were both shitfaced, so he drove us back in his Ford and we stayed at my apartment for the night. I think he cuddled up against me?" And then all hell breaks loose.
"You- I- He fucking what?! " Clover's face scrunches up beyond recognition with disgust. "Oh my god. Oh my god. Ohhhh my god. I think I'm actually gonna hurl."
"You and me both. Seriously, eughhhh. "
Sigma crosses his arms. "Do you two have something against two dudes sleeping in the same bed platonically? Are you being homophobic? Because I was under the impression that Phi was a lesbian, and if she isn't then I'm gonna have to rework my entire assessment of her-"
"Oh my god Sigma, it has nothing to do with you both being boys, it's-!"
The three of them had forgotten Tenmyouji was even in the lounge, filling in a sudoku puzzle in the back of an astronomy magazine. But this conversation was edging into dangerous territory. Desperate times call for desperate measures. And so, he finally speaks up. "Sounds like you're a pussy." And suddenly, all of the eyes in the room are on him.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. All this shit insisting you're not gay. You walk around here like the cat who got the cream, but now you're talking about playing gay chicken with one of your fraternity brothers. So, yeah- I think you're a pussy. And also probably bisexual. Get over it." This entire tangent is only about Sigma, and definitely not anyone else. Is he laying it on a little thick? Maybe. But if this works, and it will, it won't matter.
"What the fuck are you talking ameowt?" The silence that stretches on after is even worse than before, and Sigma seems to realize what he's said because he claps his hands over his mouth.
Tenmyouji manages to hide his smirk. Checkmate.
"What- what did you just say-" Clover starts.
"About! I said about!"
"You did not ! You said ameowt. You made a fucking cat noise." If Phi had been nauseous before, she looks like she's about to retch now. Good lord, everything about this is awful.
"I cat help it!" Clover takes about two seconds to join Phi in the being on the verge of vomiting camp. "What's that look fur?! It's really meowt of my catrol!"
"Sigma. I will do nearly anything to make you stop. I will pay you. If you shut up, I will give you money."
"I don't want your money! I mean, yeah, I have student loans, but I'm not taking yours , mew said you're a waitress and I purrk at a catfé so I know how shit food service pay is-"
There's the wonderful sound of Phi's boot impacting the back of Sigma's head. It rings sweeter than any song Tenmyouji's ever heard before.
"Some people," he takes a nice long sip of his drink, "just don't know when to stop talking."