Chapter Text
Aomine really needed to know when to keep his mouth shut. Ever since he lost to Kagami and Tetsu at the Winter Cup, he’d become more like his old self, something that all of his friends--if he could even think to call them that--and especially Satsuki had said was a vast improvement to his end of Teiko days. Aomine wasn’t so sure. At least then he never opened his mouth and talked out of his ass, complicating his life and the lives of those around him.
His competitive nature had remained a constant, that was for sure. So in retrospect, he should have already known better than to fall for Kise’s jibes and Midorima’s stupid pompousness. In fact, he should have known better than to spend more than twenty minutes with his old teammates, especially when they were together. Unfortunately for him, unless he wanted to get off the train and wait for the next one (he didn’t want, he really, really didn’t want), then he was stuck with Kise, Midorima, and his chirping boyfriend Takao for the next forty-some minutes it would take to get home.
Aomine tried his damned best to not listen to what they were talking about, and it was going really well. Until his phone died. No phone meant no music, and he was forced to listen to the three idiots talk about…sex?
“Of course, maybe we should change the subject. It might be too much for Aominecchi’s virgin ears,” Kise, that bastard, babbled on.
He didn’t miss the look Midorima threw at him and he couldn’t help but puff up his chest and huff in order to protect his manly pride.
“Excuse you,” Aomine glared at Kise. “Says who I’m a virgin?”
“Typical response from a virgin,” Takao, another bastard, felt the need to contribute to the conversation while trying to smother his laughter.
“Obviously there’s nothing wrong with inexperience,” Midorima, the biggest bastard, cut in while adjusting the glasses on his face. “Perhaps Aomine thought it best to wait for a special someone.”
Aomine bristled at that. “Shut the hell up, you patronizing bastard!”
“Big word,” Kise mumbled to Takao who burst into laughter.
Aomine grabbed Kise’s bag and threw it back at him. “I don’t want to hear that from you, Kise! And I’m not a virgin!”
Except he was.
“I’ve slept with lots of girls! All with big boobs!”
He was such a liar. But he’d walk through Hell and back with Midorima on his back before he admitted something like that to these guys.
He smirked, feeling smug at the looks on their faces.
“I actually believe that,” Kise said and Aomine wanted to crow. “But that’s not quite what we meant.”
Aomine’s smirk almost disappeared but he didn’t cave. He wouldn’t lose to them. Not in anything.
“Well whatever it is you meant, is true. Or isn’t. Depending on what you were saying. Anyway, anything you guys have done I bet I’ve done it ten thousand more times than you. And done it better.”
Aomine knew he should have backed off when he saw Kise’s devious smile. He should have realized that idiots One, Two, and Three were teaming up against him. He knew all of this, yet still wouldn’t go down without a fight.
“So, you’ve had gay sex, then, Aominecchi?” Kise almost purred at him.
Aomine was at a loss and he almost spluttered but this was part of the trap. So without thinking he replied just as quick, “Yes. Lots of it. All the time.”
He said it with such a straight face that he could see Midorima’s eyes widen in surprise. Good. That meant he believed it.
“That’s surprising, in fact.”
Offended, he stuck his nose up in the air and tried to intimidate Midorima. Not that it would ever work. “Why is it so surprising? I’m a wanted man. Everybody wants a piece of this.”
Midorima harrumphed. “As a matter of fact, just like that, even though you are an utter fool, I believe you. Though, obviously, I can’t imagine who would want to spend more than five minutes with you.”
Takao, that snickering fucking bastard, elbowed Midorima in the side and wiggled his eyebrows. “Eh, Shin-chan, maybe five minutes is all he needs. Remember when we first started out you only lasted--”
“Takao,” Midorima growled, trying to be subtle. That idiot didn’t have an ounce of subtlety.
“Gross,” Aomine said. “I don’t need the mental image of you guys doing the nasty, thanks.”
“Why?” Kise looked at him, chin resting on his hand. “If you’re so familiar with butt sex it shouldn’t be a problem, right? Especially since you’ve done lots of it. All the time.”
Aomine could feel his cheeks warming, but didn’t look away. “Which is none of your business, by the way.”
“Except it is!” Kise said as if he just found out he won the lottery. “You totally made it our business by talking about it! So, who’ve you had all this gay butt sex with, anyway? Do we know him? Or were there many?”
“Shut up!” Aomine said. His face felt really warm now.
“His red face obviously indicates it might be someone we know,” Midorima said. Aomine turned to glare at him and even gave him the finger when he caught wind of his annoying, pompous, smirk. How Takao could put up with him was a mystery Aomine would never solve.
“I’m not talking about this anymore,” Aomine said trying to move on. “You guys are all idiots.”
Kise let out a dramatic sigh and slumped back in his seat. “So it was all a lie, huh? And here I thought Aominecchi might have had the pleasure of feeling...well, pleasure--”
“I knew it was a lie,” Midorima interrupted Kise. “Obviously, Aomine is always going to be the same.”
“Isn’t he?” Kise conversed with Midorima over Aomine’s lap, and they continued to talk about him like he was no longer there. “He almost had us going with that one, though. For a second I seriously believed that he had been open minded--”
“And open-bodied,” Takao interjected and Kise nodded.
“And open-bodied enough to try something that I thought was out of his comfort zone.”
Aomine was feeling a headache coming on. “Kise, what the hell, you bastard. We used to make out all the time back in Teiko.”
Was “open-bodied” even a thing?
Kise didn’t even have the decency to look embarrassed. Midorima, however, looked surprised. And disturbed.
“Wait,” he said looking between Kise and Aomine. “Are you guys serious about this? That’s a fact?”
Kise nodded sadly. “Yes, but Aominecchi never made any moves past making out. He never even let my hand go further than his belly button.”
Aomine’s face was now aflame, but he knew how to recover. “That’s because it was you!”
He thought it might have been a little too mean, but Kise didn’t look bothered. Instead he looked like he had been challenged.
“So how many guys have you hooked up with, then?”
“Two,” Aomine countered.
“Not counting me,” Kise returned, smirking like how Aomine had never seen except for on the court.
Aomine’s face was probably a permanent red by now. “One.”
Lie after lie after lie.
Kise looked at him expectantly, but this line, Aomine would absolutely not cross. Never.
“Fuck off, Kise! Who I have gay butt sex with is none of your business!”
Takao leaned in to Midorima but didn’t whisper, “So that means it’s an ongoing thing.”
“You shut up, too!”
“It’s because he’s a liar, obviously,” Midorima sniffed.
“I’m not a liar!” Aomine almost shouted, now thoroughly riled up. “For the last time, it’s just none of your business.”
Kise scoffed, something Aomine often forgot he did, what with that pretty face of his. “Since when are you discreet? To put it like Midorimacchi, obviously you’re a liar.”
Aomine stayed silent and for a few blissful seconds he enjoyed the peace in his head.
“Is it Kuroko?” Takao had to be the one to ask.
Aomine was going to choke on his own spit if he didn’t get off this train. He was too busy with his coughing fit to pay any attention to the three idiots now coming up with their own theories.
“No, it’s not Tetsu!” Aomine coughed out once he caught his breath. “Jesus, that’s disgusting. What’s wrong with you?”
Oh crap, maybe he fucked up just then. He supposed he probably could’ve asked Tetsu to help him with his lie. On the other hand, knowing that little shit he’d leave Aomine to his own demise.
Kise was completely affronted by that statement and he elbowed Aomine right in the gut. “How rude, Aominecchi! You take it back! There’s nothing disgusting about Kurokocchi! You’re the disgusting one!”
“I’m not taking back shit!” Aomine elbowed Kise right back. “Now stop talking about my sex life or do I have to write it on all of your dumbass foreheads? None. Of. Your. Business!”
Kise sighed dramatically again. “Look at Aominecchi struggling to keep up the lie. It’s okay, Aominecchi. We’ll play along with your not-a-virgin facade.”
Aomine closed his eyes and groaned. “I’m going to kill you. I’m serious. This is how you die.”
“So is it someone we know?” Takao went on as if death threats and gut jabs hadn’t happened.
“No,” Aomine didn’t even care anymore.
“So that means, in fact, that it is,” Midorima said. Since when did he play along with Kise and Takao? Aomine had thought Midorima thought he was better than that.
“Ah! Murasakibaracchi?”
Aomine wanted to barf.
“No? Then...surely it can’t be Akashicchi!”
“Obviously if it was Akashi I would have heard about it,” Midorima said probably pushing up his glasses.
Aomine grunted. “Not if he didn’t want you to know.”
He opened his eyes again when his comment went unanswered. Kise, Midorima, and Takao had their eyes wide and mouths opened in perfect O’s. If they weren’t being so stupid Aomine would have laughed at the hilarity of it.
“Oh my god it’s not Akashi,” he said in disbelief. Hanging out with these people was gravely bad for his health.
He was about two stops away from where he was supposed to get off the train. It was two more stops. He could definitely hold out until then.
“So it’s not Kurokocchi, it’s not Murasakibaracchi, or Akashicchi...then someone from your team?”
“Kise,” Aomine almost begged. “Please stop. Those might be your last words.”
Kise was about to say something, but was interrupted by the speakers in the train.
“Attention all passengers, we are experiencing a minor delay. The train will be moving shortly. As a courtesy, passengers may exit the train now.”
Aomine stood up. “Alright you dumb suckers, this is where I leave you because there’s no way in hell I’m spending another second with you losers--gah!”
Kise had pinched Aomine’s nose and squeezed, clinging to him to pull him back down.
“GKise, gwhat da fuck!” Aomine said with nasally voice that made him want to punch Kise. So he did.
“Gah Aominecchi that hurt!”
“Den let go you asshole!” Aomine brought up his hand to slap Kise in the ribs but Kise just squeezed his nose harder. “You’re going to ribp by gnose off!”
“Tell me who you’re sleeping with!”
“Fugck yo--ow!”
“Aominecchi you’re a liar!”
The train started moving again and Aomine’s eyes widened. “No. No, no, no--wait!”
But it was too late. He shoved Kise away from him and sat down in defeat. This was his karma for being an asshole. And this was what he got for lying to Kise.
“You guys are imbeciles,” Midorima said, looking at them with distaste. Aomine flicked him off.
“Imayoshi-senpai.”
Slap!
“Ow, ow. Okay, then. Wakamatsu-senpai--don’t hit me again! Is it Sakurai-kun?”
Aomine glared at Kise. “It’s not Ryo either. Are you ever going to shut up about it?”
Kise grinned. “Never. And Midorimacchi and Takao-kun can help pester you.”
Aomine didn’t say anything, but he definitely did not want to give Kise the satisfaction that he was right. It was too late. He’d take this secret to the grave.
“Come on give me a hint at least!”
“Kise, you’re so annoying.”
“Obviously it will be over much quicker if you say who it is.” Midorima that fucking gossip.
“Midorima, you’re so annoying.”
“Why don’t you just ask Aomine’s friend? Momoi?” Takao put in oh so helpfully.
Aomine tensed. No way. If Satsuki got involved then he would seriously never hear the end of it. She’d pester him more than Kise. Like, way more. And then she’d probably find out the truth. Who was he kidding, of course she would know. And she gossiped as much as the rest of them. He was screwed. So screwed. They’d know he was a liar and then he’d die still embarrassed.
“Okay, okay, wait,” he said quickly. “I give. I’ll tell you who it is.”
His palms were getting clammy. His heart was racing and his mouth was getting dry. The line that he said he wouldn't cross was being crossed. By him.
“But you can’t tell anyone. Especially Tetsu and Satsuki.”
“Why?” all three asked at the same time.
Lie after lie after lie after lie after lie.
“Because it’s supposed to be a secret.” He didn’t even feel bad anymore. He was numb to the shit he was putting himself through. But if worst came to absolute worst he could turn this into an escape plan.
Didn’t stop him from being mortified, though.
“Seriously, you can’t even tell him that you know. Or that I told you. He’ll be so mad and he’s absolutely terrifying when he’s angry.” This was entirely, true of course, but Aomine would never ever admit to him that he was scared of him. Because he wasn’t.
“It’s someone you know,” Aomine said stalling. “Do you guys swear not to say a word to anyone?”
Kise, Midorima, and Takao all shut up and nodded. Aomine took a deep breath. This was it. No going back now. He was pretty sure his life was about to change. Probably for the worst of the absolute worst.
“It’s Kagami.”
He held his breath. Waiting for them to call him out on it.
“Eh?” Kise blinked. “Kagamicchi?”
Takao and Midorima looked at each other.
“That,” Midorima said pushing up his glasses for like the sixteenth time. “Makes a lot of sense.”
Aomine wanted to yell. What the hell was that supposed to mean! How the hell did that make sense! It was obviously fake! He wasn’t even sure he was interested in guys but he sure as hell wasn’t interested in someone like Kagami! He just named him because he was conveniently scary!
Shit!
“Kagamicchi never said anything,” Kise said frowning. Was Kise close to Kagami?
“Because he wanted it a secret, I said. Anyway, I’m not crazy about the fact that you guys know so can you please move along now? You guys have pissed me off enough already.”
They all stayed silent. Until Takao started laughing. Aomine’s head was going to explode.
“Sorry,” Takao said between giggles. “It’s just...we’ve been trying to get you two--”
He cut off when Midorima elbowed him but just kept laughing.
“How often do you guys have sex?” Kise looked too interested. “I know Kagamicchi’s wild, does it happen, like, everyday?”
“Nope, that’s it. That’s enough. I’m done. I told you what you wanted and you promised to leave me alone.”
Aomine sat in complete silence the entire time he had left on the train. He ignored everything that was said to him, even though after the fourth time it stopped being about Kagami. When the train finally got to his stop he stood up and looked at the idiots and flicked them off with both hands. He made them swear to keep the revelation a secret and walked home praying he would be so lucky.