Chapter 1: The Flipping 60's!
Summary:
It's the 1960s and George and Ringo are tasked with babysitting duty for the Lennon family. Little Julian is a good kid, however there is magic at play and the men find themselves sucked into something more than they expected.
Notes:
Starrison week 2022
See chapter 2 and 3 for the 70s and 80s. However I highly recommend you do read chapter one first.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
1967
Lightening flashed outside, as a storm commenced its commotion with the following of thunder in the pouring rain. The weather had just turned a few moments ago, but it quickly engulfed the sky of the grand city. In a luxurious hotel suite, that resembled more of a glorious apartment, as it was one of the finest places is to stay in the state of New York, George Harrison and Ringo Starr were tasked with watching John and Cynthia Lennon’s four-year-old son Julian. The married couple were out on a night out of town and the two bandmates we’re asked to babysit. Paul McCartney and Jane Asher had accompanied the Lennon’s out, as a double date for two very strained relationships. Three if you counted the affair between the two men.
Meanwhile Ringo’s wife Maureen didn’t want to travel with their infant son just being born, so the drummer was without his official female partner. As for Pattie and George, they had a fight earlier that day. It was over something forgetably stupid, but the fight was effective enough for Pattie to pretty much tell him to go fuck himself and took off for the night. Probably out with another man. This bothered the lead guitarist, but considering how naturally unfaithful he was, he didn’t feel he had a right to bitch.
So, the two men without women, found themselves on babysitting duty. It wasn’t so bad though. Julian was a good kid, mostly. They all had their moments. The two caretakers just lean back together on the couch, while Julian played with his blocks in front of the telly. The two adults were smoking cigarettes and weed and indulging in a beer. It was the sixties after all. The weather roared outside, but the three felt safe in the high-rise quarters.
“its really coming down.” Ringo noted, looking through the large glass window of the city skyline. The television was on at the time as George was watching the car races. However even he was getting sick of the monotony of left turns and was dosing in and out of daydreams.
“Uncle George.” Asked the little boy. “May I watch cartoons?” the little tyke asked staring at the remote. This fancy rent a home had one of those little magic wands that change the channel and turn the telly on and off again. The first time The Beatles ever saw such a contraption was at Elvis’s house. Now this device was starting to show up at the highest end hotels and luxury suites. You usually have to sign for them and bring them back to the desk. People kept stealing them, believing they would work on their televisions at home.
“Yeah sure.” The little boys nonbiological uncle told him. The child smiled taking the elongated box of technology and began flipping channels. He stopped when a cartoon of a bear wearing a green hat and a tie appeared on the screen. The funny little creature was stealing picnic baskets along with his short accomplice. However, glancing at his watch, Ringo, the official babysitter realized it was getting late.
“Jules,” he said with a ring to his voice. “its time for bed.” Annoyed to forced to go to sleep just have to finding something good to watch, the small child stood up and turned around holding the remote control in his hand. Seeing the defiance on the four-year-old’s face George stepped in, verbally.
“Come on Julian.” Harrison told him. “Don’t give Uncle Rich a hard time.” the little boy took the remote in both hands and stretched his arms out far. He felt like Mickey Mouse with his magic wand. This device could be an invisible hand the turn the telly on and off, the four year old reason it could apply to the grown ups ruining his fun. Then the men seeing the child repeatedly hitting the off button, figured out what he was trying to do and found it amusing.
However is the little finger repetitively moved up and down the rubber knob, a ray of lightning struck the hotels antenna and an effect that was never expected suddenly occurred. In a shot of white light, the men lit up themselves and suddenly were no longer on the couch. Little Julian stared in disbelief, but then he smiled! His magic worked. Holding the powerful device in his hands, the little boy turned back to the telly the see the park ranger of the show arresting two cartoon bears.
George Harrison and Ringo Starr had found themselves going through a kaleidoscope of images and bright lights until they themselves were cartoons in an illustrated forest. Before they could fully comprehend what was going on, a large anthropomorphic bear was running towards them. This terrified the men, and they didn't even see the smaller bear right beside the larger animal. The musicians didn’t have time to move or notice that they themselves had become cartoon bears. Meanwhile the approaching animals smacked right into them and then ran over their bodies. The little one making a point to bounce on each of their butts and head, only to take off with a picnic basket in both hands.
After the two thieves ran off, the two Beatles as bears nearly mirroring the ones that bumped into them so rudely, sat up trying to recover. A stream of little birds flew around George’s head, while stars did the same thing around Ringo, the smaller bear.
“you two are under arrest!” Said an angry authoritative voice. Confused but not one to fight with authority figures like police or the like of, the pair immediately cooperated and allowed themselves to be handcuffed. Julian began watching from this point on and found the cartoon comical. He laughed as the two bears with their heads down walked into a white patty wagon and drove off. Then the closing credits began and the next cartoon was announced. Tom and Jerry skits would be playing for the next half hour. Julian loved this show, though his mother didn’t allow him to watch it, but his father and uncles let him get away watching a few episodes here and there. And even they weren’t there!
An advertisement in black and white, in a basic cartoon format began in the silver screen. There two men who looked eerily like Uncle George and Uncle Ringo, stood in the background of a cartoon grocery store as the Trix rabbit attempted to shoplift a box of Trix cereal, only to be caught and reminded that Trix are just for kids. then as the rabbit was let out of the store by the ears, the men could be seen running towards the bunny to be in the view of the camera.
“Julian!” the cartoon character that looked like Uncle Ringo called out. However the commercial was over and the next one began to play. It wasn’t an animated illustration this time, but actual people. The short film was in black and white and it began with the man and woman drinking coffee in their kitchen. It was their anniversary and the man complained his wife’s coffee didn’t taste good. In an over dramatization, the woman rushed to the grocery store, where Julian saw a brief scan of his Uncle George and Uncle Ringo, as extras in the background. While the woman spoke to the grocer, who introduced her to the brand product, “the NEW Folgers instant coffee,” Julian could see his two uncles behind the man and woman trying to get his attention.
“Julian can you see us?” Uncle George asked from the black and white commercial.
“I wonder if he can and if he is finding this funny.” Ringo replied. His voice was overcast from the viewer by the grocer introducing the product. Then the new scene return to the couple in their kitchen. The lights were dimmer indicating a more romantic moment. But in the window above the sink, Ringo and George could be seen trying to get Julian’s attention. The next ad began and the child quickly forgot about what he just saw. There was an awesome toy being sold to him in a colored advertisement.
“Thunder Streak,” was an airplane looking device, that could glide on water, swim underwater, as well as ride on ice, snow, and pavement; for days that were neither hot or cold. It looked like so much fun! The little boy’s mind was consumed with the desire to have the item, he didn’t notice his beloved father's friends dressed in different seasonal clothing, trying desperately to get his attention in the background of all the shots. Being the United States of America, and the crossover between two shows, the commercial block was longer than average. The two Beatles realize this as the next advertisement began.
It was another toy commercial. A doll called “Tippy Toes,” was able to move it’s legs, head and arms. The big head blonde haired doll could ride a bike, a plastic pony on wheels and even walk if something balanced it. Including it’s own horse. The entire brief film to place in a house and in the background in short flashes George and Ringo appeared. The advertisement was in color and the toy was indoors, so Julian saw them. He had seen these men on TV before with his dad and Uncle Paul, but this seemed different. However the four-year-old mind didn’t have long to ponder as another commercial began.
George Harrison and Ringo Starr felt their world change, as they were in another strange place, with color at least. In this case they were on a merry-go-round. The pair could hear a duet singing immediately when they arrived. It was a man and a woman together. The two Beatles ran towards where the singing was, which was in a moving carnival attraction. On to the horses George and Ringo saw Frankie Randall and Jennie Smith singing about the upcoming 1968 Chevrolet. The men trapped in the idiot box were familiar with these two singers.
“Jennie!” cried Ringo. He had signed an autograph for her a while ago. She was an admitted celebrity fan and cute to boot. Too bad she wouldn't take Ringo up on his offer, but she knew he was married.
“Frankie!” George called out. He had met this singer at a few parties and they had a mutual respect for each other. But it was no use. Within a blink of an eye the pair were no longer on the carnival ride but all over the new car they were promoting. Looking past where the main attraction of the commercial was facing, the men could see a window into the real world through the screen of the television. Julian it definitely seen them a few times but the poor kid wasn’t sure what to do. Also the strange scenario was so crazy even for an adult to comprehend, let alone a four year old child. Yet as the ride continued, the little jingle the man and woman were singing played its course and then the commercial changed again.
“How many commercials could there be?” ask an exasperated Starr.
“Where in the States my friend.” Harrison reminded his companion. “We’re stuck in an endless loop.” Then suddenly their worlds were different again. However the pair were not together. Ringo found himself in a white uniform in front of a register at a fast food restaurant. George was outdoors with a child on his shoulders, walking towards a McDonald’s establishment. An annoying jingle being sung by children played its chorus over and over again, drilling the products into the viewer’s mind with the monotony of this dreadful rhythm.
Ringo found himself being approached by customers behind a counter, but none of them asked for an order. Instead the song just played over and over, in a repetitive number, as intended. Each man could see the little window where Julian was watching attentively, though not at the same time as they were not together. It wasn’t until George entered the building with a blonde hair little boy on his shoulders, when the pair were reunited.
“Rich!” the lead guitarists called out. He ran up and approached his friend in his servers uniform.
“What the bloody hell is going on?” the Beatle dressed up as a hamburger clerk cried. The two men had been pounced on by bears, arrested by a cartoon cop, saw the Trix rabbit shoplift, a housewife teleport to and from her house and the grocery store, the seasons go from Summer to Winter in the blink of an eye, a possessed looking baby doll, a wild merry-go-round and now they seem to be in the next level of Hell, a McDonald's commercial.
Then the song ended and the strange change switch occurred again. However things were very very different. For starters they were in a colored cartoon, however the perspective of things were not the same as they usually were. They were in a huge room with a gigantic ceiling, and looking around they discovered there was furniture of a massive size everywhere.
“This story must contain giants of some sort.” George observed with his head up.,
“George!” Ringo cried. “you’re a mouse!”
“what?” Harrison stated in shock. Not at the news but to see that His companion and friend, Ringo Starr, was indeed a gray colored mouse himself. Then turning around the youngest Beatle discovered he had a little gray tail behind him. “I recognize the animation.” Mouse George observed. “we’re in a Tom a Jerry picture!” George was a slightly taller mouse then Ringo and he was facing his friend when he explained his observation. However Ringo made a classic cartoon face of utter fear that took Harrison a moment to recognize. “There’s a cat behind me isn’t there?”
Starr nodded as an answer in Harrison turned around quickly, immediately seeing a giant blue cat with a mallet ready to crush them both. The two sprinted off with classical music that came with such an action with these cartoons, along with the comical chase scenes as the cat followed them. They ran around until Ringo spotted a mouse hole.
“this way.” Said the smaller rodent. George blindly followed his friend and soon he saw where they were heading. Unfortunately, Tom the asshole cat leaped ahead and blocked the opening of the wall with his foot. The pair ran into the white paw of the predator and were scooped up by the felines white gloved hand. In a silent pantomime, the cartoon cat conveyed its victory. Until suddenly there was a loud banging sound, causing the giant creature to scream, while tossing the two mice into the air. A brown mouse with a hammer had struck they’re combined adversary on the foot. The large cat was now comically bouncing around the house holding its injured limb.
The brown mouse was Jerry, and silently he mimed where they should go. The trio were inside the wall within moments, each taking a breath.
“We should stay in here until the cartoon is over.” Mouse George declared. Ringo wanted to agree, but then his stomach made a loud noise indicating that he was hungry. George’s stomach then did the same. Even though it was a cartoon the feeling of hunger was exceedingly real. Then Jerry poked at their backs and pointed through the whole revealing a table with a plate of cheese on top. That yellow dairy product look like the most glorious thing that they had ever behold and they both felt an insatiable urge to get it. It seemed crazy, but at that moment the pair were willing to die for a bite of that yellow plastic design of Swiss cheese.
On the screen for little Julian to see, was one of the gray mice peeking out of the mouse hole looking both ways and then spotting the food. Then the two rodents left there safety zone together and found themselves climbing up the table to retrieve their award. However as the pair reached their glorious meal that was bigger than they were, a huge glass container covered over the plate trapping the two Beatles as mice in the clutches of the murderous feline.
Then the cat was able to clutch on to both of them and prepare to drop the two little rodents in his mouth, when Julian decided to change the channel. George and Ringo could see the insides of the cat’s mouth, as they fell to what they thought was their certain doom. When suddenly they were both wearing suits and standing upright in a black and white atmosphere. They weren’t home, but at least they weren’t going to be devoured by a cat.
Looking around, the men found themselves in the countryside. It looked nice yet simple for a set. Then they passed a few trees and made there way to a small barn. Without warning the top part of the door of the structure opened and a horse poked its head out the window.
“Wilbur, will you hurry with my breakfast,” shocking the Beatles as they saw the animal speak. “it’s the most important meal of the day after all.” The creature spoke with a real voice protruding from its mouth. Then the four-legged creature saw the two men who were not Wilbur. “Naye.” The animal said, as it tried to mimic a non-talking horse.
“Give it up, we saw you.” George told the beast.
“Okay you got me.” The deep voice of the horse admitted.
“Where are we?” Ringo demanded to know.
“You’re outside my barn.” The talking horse told them sarcastically.
“Where is that?” Starr pressed.
“I don’t know!” The animal exclaimed. “Wilbur just feeds me, he doesn’t give me the address anymore.”
“Why not?“ The taller of the two humans inquired.
“Well I’m a good horse,” the creature explained. “but I’m also an impulsive shopper.”
“you go to shops?” Harrison asked, questioning the notion of the large animal entering a business.
“Mail order catalogs.” The horse admitted. “I’m quite the shoe horse.”
“This is that American show,” George observed. “the one with the talking horse.”
“Hello my name is Mister Ed.” The star of the television show instinctly uttered. “Sorry, force of habit.”
“why is it a habit?” Ringo wanted to know.
“I honestly don’t know.” Mister Ed told them plainly.
“how do we get out of here?” the smaller of the pair asked.
“you leave.” The four legged one among them replied nonchalantly.
“You’re such a help. “ George responded sarcastically. Then suddenly the window revealing the living room with little Julian standing in front of the screen appeared above the trees. The child had the remote switcher in his hand and seemed bored by the programming. They could see the child change the channel and suddenly George and Ringo were inside a strange house. Everything was in black and white, that hadn’t changed. However instead of being outdoors, it looked like the pair were in a small mansion from a hundred years ago. Wandering down the hallway, George found a strange room with unique looking plants. Ringo followed in behind him, too spooked out to be alone.
George was spooked too, but his inner botanist got the better of him. He couldn't help himself, he had to study this strange new greenery. While examining the leaves of one particular unique looking bush or tree or whatever, that grew in an odd fashion, it seemed to move. The lad thought his mind was playing tricks on him at first. That was until the vegetation actually bit him. Harrison screamed instantly, as he wrestled the large carnivorous salad for his hand back. Ringo immediately came to his aid and helped pull his friend free, causing both to fall to the ground. The pair landed on the wood floor, only for a part of the floor to open up to reveal a trap door. In which a gruesome looking bald head appeared from the opening below.
“Who goes there?” the head asked, but the two men just screamed in fear and ran down the corridor. They found what looked to be a kitchen, when a white haired old witch leaped from the ceiling.
“dinner!” she hissed, with a sharpened medieval ax. The two Beatles screamed again, sounding more like women themselves. Neither felt the ground beneath their feet as they raced to the other side of the eccentric home to the front door. In haste George pulled at the heavy wood barrier, but it wouldn’t budge. Then suddenly a single hand appeared from the umbrella rack. There was no way a body could fit in such a narrow cylinder, yet the hand snapped it’s fingers and the two men leapt up a flight of stairs.
On the top floor of the house of horrors, the musicians scurried to find a place to hide, when they heard a strange noise in one of the rooms at the far end. Neither wanted to go back there, but then they noticed the window that beheld the living room with little Julian watching, was down the very corridor they feared.
“Julian!” George called as the pair hurried their way to the opening of the real world. Approaching the figure in a rectangular shape in front of them, Georgia tempted to touch the image of the little boy, but his hand went right through it. It was like sticking his hand through a projector’s light. He could see the shadow his hand formed in the image of the picture on his flesh but felt nothing.
Then in a blink of an eye the window was gone and the men were still in the corridor, and they heard that noise again. It sounded like a slice and then a large thud at the end.
“Wanna play?” said a sweet voice of a child. However turning towards the direction of both the noise and the child’s voice, the pair saw the most hideous image of a boy and girl child pair! The boy was short, chubby and had a grayish tint to his skin and don’t forget that chubby body! As for the girl, she was tall and thin, with pale skin highlighted by her black dress and long black hair tied in identical twin braids. What was even more horrific with the miniature guillotine between the gruesome pair and a doll with its head through the opening awaiting its fate.
Staring at the morbid duo, the two Beatles watched the blade of the execution device fall down to its victim, then the head released with a thumb to the floor. The children’s smiled in unison, while the adults fled for their lives. Forgetting about the hand, the witch, the bald goon and man eating plant, the men found themselves literally flying down the stairs to the main floor again. Only to be stopped by a beautiful woman in a tight and revealing black gown. Her velvet black hair fell gracefully below her shoulder’s, covering her breast. She resembled Vampira from the fifties. That’s when both men figured out where they were.
“This is the Addams Family.” Ringo observed. They relaxed immediately. The whole point of the show was that the family was wild and crazy but completely harmless.
“yes.” The woman said as sweet as any housewife you would find on the telly. “I’m Missus Addams.” Said the lady they both knew to be Morticia Addams. “you two must be here for the couples book club.”
“Oh the book club started to arrive?” said a loud voice from behind. Then a man appeared casually in a housecoat. He was smoking a cigar and had a large smile on his face as he drew close to the woman and nibbled her neck. This was most obviously Gomez Addams.
“couples book club?” George asked confused.
“well aren’t you two a couple?” the man asked sincerely, and clearly without judgement or even insult. Normally both men would be offended, and instinctively they felt that flair, however they realized these characters were simply wildly eccentric but never mean spirited.
“No, we're not a couple.” Harrison corrected.
“But there’s two of you.” The Master of the House observed.
“yeah.” Ringo agreed, and George nodded.
“Which makes you a couple!” Gomez concluded and then he patted their shoulders and guided them into the parlor. It was a strange house and was even stranger was looking up they found the old woman that chased them in the kitchen, sitting on the edge of the mantle of the fireplace. She was busy knitting spider webs, along the little items decorating the shelf. How the hell she could do any of that was truly amazing.
“sit and join us.” Morticia told them, having entered the parlor first and had theatrically turned around. Then glancing up at her mother-in-law, the Mistress of the house spoke up, “Mama” she said to the old woman who was now eating the flies she had caught in her sticky knitting. “that’s enough webbing in here. Could you please do that over the stairs?”
“Gee.. “ the old woman replied meekly. “that’s a dreadfully long drop down.” She further said. Then she leapt off the mantle, bouncing on her feet like she were made of rubber. “I love it!” the witch looking creature declared happily with a fly between her two thin pointy fingers. She made a point to stick it in her mouth while passing the two strangers. “snack.” The scary creature told them. Then she left the room.
“You two should stay for dinner.” Mister Addams offered.
“No, we have plans already.” George told them cordially. Ringo also nodded to follow up his friend.
“what a shame.” Morticia declared. “we’ll have to have you for dinner some other night.” There was two ways to take that sentence and the way the woman made her statement; it wasn't clear which manner she was going with it. “well here is the book for the night.” She said passing a large leather bound text to one man and then an identical heavy text to the other. These books were indeed very old and the paper brittle.
“What is this?” George inquired not recognizing the language.
“the Necronomicon.” Missus Addams answered nonchalantly.
“Oh boy!” her husband said enthusiastically. “what are we summoning tonight?” the two Beatles were utterly shocked and immediately took off running. As they ran aimlessly through the house they saw Julian appear moving with them at their side in the little transparent screen. The men could see the child was laughing at what was happening in the program.
“Julian!” cried Harrison. “change the channel! Quick!”
“Yes Uncle George.” The child replied from the living room and obeyed promptly. The channel turned and the men found themselves in color. They were upstairs in a modern house thank God! Nothing spooky here, they thought to themselves. However no sooner did they have such misconceptions when a woman suddenly appeared out of nowhere. She was blonde and beautiful and dressed in modern attire.
“Who are you?” the lady demanded to know. “and why did you just suddenly appear in my house?”
“why did you just suddenly appear?” Ringo observed. It was then another woman just popped out of thin air in the same fashion as the woman before. She was older, with flaming red hair and dressed like a peacock.
“why Samantha I see you’ve moved on already.” The older woman remarked, suggestively looking the two men over.
“Mother!” the younger woman scolded the older. “Darrin and I just had a little disagreement this morning. I am not seeing other men! “ she replied sternly.
“Pity!” the red-haired lady replied then she eerily looked the men over again with her eyes under a cloak of blue makeup. Almost like a clown of herself. Then she disappeared. The younger woman was clearly frustrated and gave herself a head rub and a deep sigh.
“Okay,” the blond-haired witch character said to the strangers before her. “did my mother put you up to this?”
“no.” Ringo explain shaking his head.
“You see ma’am we were sucked into the telly and me mates four year old son is changing the station with one of them damn remote wands.” Explained George. The blonde haired lady’s eyes lit up when she heard the word wand.
“Wand, you say?” the woman asked in a sense of observation. “Well why would you ever leave a child in control over such a powerful instrument?”
“Its not a real wand.” Starr just stated dismissively, regarding the word outside the television set.
“Yeah, it’s just technology.” Harrison backed up. “There is no magic in that thing.”
“It doesn’t matter what the item is.” The blonde haired lady explained. “it’s in the hands of a four-year-old little boy. He of all people would be able to harness magic if any such exists in your realm. That’s magic 1-01.”
“Do you know how to return us to where we belong?” George inquired.
“Well, I don’t.” the woman admitted. “however I know someone who might.” She took a deep sigh. “I just shewed her away.”
“Your mother?” asked the blue-eyed man.
“I really didn’t want to have to bring her back when she’s in this sort of mood.” She said more to herself. “let me think.” Her face showed that she was clearly deep and thought. “who else can I turn to?” the attractive lady asked herself directly. Then she snapped her fingers. “I got it!” the woman called Samantha concluded. The two Beatles were watching her in amazement. It was like she Bewitched them, as she twitched her nose back and forth, and an older man in a suit appeared.
“Why Samantha,” he said with a flamboyant accent. “you called?”
“Yes.” She explained. “you see these men came from a separate realm, where we are the subject of a television show.”
“Oh?” the man said, looking side to side. “I want the camera to catch me at my best angle.”
“Oh never mind that.” Samantha told him sternly. “Uncle Arthur, do you know how to send them back?” the man just shook his head.
“No.” he replied. “I honestly do not. I don’t know anyone who would neither.” He looked the men over. “if they are from another realm where we are fictitious, than so would our magic be to them.” Then without explanation, Uncle Arthur lifted his long arm up and down in a peculiar manner and then snapped his fingers. However nothing happened. Samantha just stared at him in horror with her eyes wide open. “See, I just tried to turn them into bats.” Clearly the spell didn’t work, as the men remained as they were. That’s when Samantha’s mother reappeared.
“Because you probably didn't do it right.” The peacock lady told the male witch.
“Mother it’s more complicated than you understand.” The younger woman told the older.
“I never left child.” The red-headed witch acknowledged dismissively. “I heard everything!”
“Whatcha thinking Endora?” The flamboyant man inquired; fully aware Samantha’s mother had some level of insight the others did not possess.
“Well first,” the older woman said walking down the stairway, causing everyone to follow her. “tell me,” she teleported suddenly up to the two Beatles faces as they reach the first floor. “what was the weather like outside when you were sucked into the television box?” asked the gazing eyes under the shadow of blue, that resembled a crossdresser.
“It was raining.” Ringo answered first, his voice gasped; finding Endora uncomfortably close.
“And there was an electrical storm going on.” George followed up, just as spooked as Ringo.
“That’s it!” The woman called Endora exclaimed. “Electricity is one of the few forces that can freely travel between realms.”
“So how do we get out?” Harrison pressed. The woman shook her head.
“I don’t know.” She admitted. “you are in quite a dilemma.”
“Where were you before you were here?” Samantha asked, her blue eyes were genuine and sweet, where her mother’s eyes were overshadowed by her makeup.
“With the Addams Family.” Starr spoke up.
“The Addams Family?” the blonde woman responded aloud. “what brought you from there to here?”
“Well little Julian changed the channel.” George explained.
“We sometimes see him through some kind of window.” Ringo followed.
“Yeah, it’s so strange.” The younger of the two agreed. “we can see and hear him, but it’s like a projection.”
“you’re looking through the TV screen.” Uncle Arthur observed.
“it seems the only way to return to your realm is … “ Endora was explaining, but the Beatles never got to hear her answer. Julian had changed the channel. The four year old knew his babysitters returning meant a return to the law of his mother. Needless to say, he didn’t want to go to bed yet. Now the men found themselves still in color and inside another mansion. However this home was larger and newer than the one from the Addams Family. They were standing before a staircase, where a beautiful young woman started walking down when she saw them. She had blonde pigtails resting on each of her shoulders. For being in such a grand house she was wearing a pair of denim shorts and a plaid sleeveless shirt. To top it off she was barefoot as she hopped down the stairs like a child.
“Howdy!” the pretty young lady said as she approached them in an unusually friendly manner. “I’m Elly May, who are you?”
“I’m George and this is me mate Rich.” The taller of the two introduced himself and his companion. This girl was rather sexy and was either extremely naïve or flirtatious. In the real world her face would mean she would be on his lap in the matter of minutes, but being this was television she was likely playing the stereotypical witless blonde.
“Well ain’t it nice to meet you both.” Elly May noted sweetly.
“Elly May!” cried an old woman’s voice. From the other side of the room an elderly lady walked over to the trio. She was dressed more appropriately for a backward shack in the woods, than for a mansion. “Did Jethro come back from picking up dinner?” the aged woman asked the attractive blonde.
“No granny.” The granddaughter answered her elder, sweet and dutifully, accompanied with that very pretty smile.
“Dat boy!” the scorning grandmother uttered under her breath. “He goin out driving round all day!”
“So?” the girl innocently inquired.
“So?” the short little gray lady exclaimed! She looked like she was about to have a heart attack. Then she wailed about in her gray dress that look like it came off a pioneer’s wagon. “Everybody knows dat road kill will go rancid within the first sixty minutes.” She explained up close to the two men. That’s when the Beatles realized they were stuck in the middle of an episode of The Beverly Hillbillies.
“Hi Granny, I’m back!” said a dark-haired man, as he walked through the front door.
“There he is!” the old woman cried. “think you’re a big shot wit your horseless wagon. What took you so long boy! “ she demanded to know, standing straight with both hands firmly on her hips.
“Well Granny,” the dimwitted Jethro began. “The county has been cleaning up the streets before I get there.” The tall man shook his head and disappointment. “All these people with telephones, notify the town clean up crew as soon as an animal is hit.” There was exasperation in his voice as he told the tale. “But don’t you worry. I found me a busy intersection and waited.” Then he pulled out a small dog, grinning from ear to ear with his catch.
“Wonderful!” The woman cried aesthetic while taking the animal from the man. “I haven’t had roast beagle in a dog’s age! “ Then she took notice of the two Beatles. “are you boys staying for dinner?” the wild woman inquired in her sweetest voice. George and Ringo just looked at the wall together hoping it was where the screen was.
“Julian change the channel!” the pair said in unison and like that, they were transferred to a different world. Still in color, but now cartoons again, the two musicians observe themselves and their surroundings. They found they were drawn rather crudely. They wore a tattered cloth and we’re barefoot, with big feet. Around them, everything was made of stone. The pair were confused to where they were, until they saw some kind of odd vehicle, with a long roller of a wheel in the front, powered by moving feet.
“this is the Flintstones!” Ringo realized. His son loved this show and so did Julian.
“We’re going to be here for a while.” George stated in agreement to the unsaid point. The cart pulled up and the distinguished characters of Fred and Barney appeared. Honestly the vehicle was so impractical it would have just been easier to walk. Yet despite thinking this the two men found themselves being approached by the main characters.
“Are you guys from Marble Valley?” Fred Flintstone asked the Beatles from the impractical vehicle.
“Marble Valley?” George inquired, wondering what this storyline could be about.
“Well we were told to lodge two guys there.” The raspy lead character explained. “they’re supposed to stay in my guest room for a week.” The Stone age man continued.
“Sure.” Starr replied, instinctively going along. “We’re from Marble Valley.” It sounds so ridiculously acted but the two characters didn’t seem that bright. Fred and Barney believed the fib instantly. George understood what his friend was doing and hopped in the back of the foot-powered car, beside his friend. As they all peddled away none of them realized two peculiar men standing in the spot the two Beatles had just left.
“Do you think the guy from Bedrock will be here soon, Frankie?” the shorter of the two asked.
“He should be here soon Stan.” The taller replied. “once we arrive, we’ll rendezvous with the others and together we’ll rob the Bedrock National Bank.”
“It will be the biggest heist Bedrock will have ever seen!” The smaller of the pair stated revealing the villains criminal plot. The two laughed maniacally until the taller one checked his wrist sundial.
“He’s late.” Frankie remarked, while the two waited patiently, oblivious that they miss their ride. Meanwhile, Fred and Barney drove their passengers straight to Fred’s home in Bedrock. Upon arriving inside the four were greeted by a purple looking dinosaur, wearing a dog collar and had such k9 mannerisms. The household pet knocked his owner to the floor and vigorously licked Fred in the face, until a woman called the creature off of him. When inside the visitors were introduced to the rest of the cast of the show. Wilma and Betty, along with the two children, Pebbles and Bam-Bam, were all introduced and despite being characters in a cartoon, were rather nice people. Still both men from outside the television world, had seen the program enough to know not to shake the little boy’s hand, or else he would pound you back and forth into the ground while calling out his name.
The men were taken to a room with twin beds, that were slabs of stone with just a blanket over them. The pair was set to spend the night and in a blink of an eye the next day was there. Although George and Ringo were aware that the time that went by was relatively short, the lack of comfortable sleep was still most evident on their disheveled cartoon faces. That's when they were told by Fred that they were expected to receive a ride into town today. As this was part of a pre-arranged agreement.
Not knowing what else to do the imposters went along with the storyline. They were dropped off in front of the Bedrock National Bank and told their ride would be waiting for them when they were done. The Beatles unsure how to handle the situation figured they would be no harm in to just going into the bank. Upon entering the building, two men dressed in stereotypical Burger gear bumped into them.
“Frankie! Stan! “ said the fatter one of the pair. “you’re late!” George and Ringo were speechless. They had no idea what was happening.
“What’s going on?” George demanded to know.
“Enough out of you!” the thinner man said. Then he tossed the cartoon bag of money into George’s hand. “now stick with the plan. You go off in your getaway car, while the cops chase us in the opposite direction.”
“Meet us tonight under the bridge, at midnight.” The fat guy said, tossing Ringo his bag. Then the two ran off with a pair of cops right behind them, completely oblivious to the two men holding the actual money bags.
“God cartoons are stupid.” George stated, throwing the bag down. Ringo did the same thing. Now, knowing the obvious plot to the story, the pair decided to return to the car, simply to remain with the main characters.
“You guys are done?” Fred asked.
“Yes we are.” Ringo answered the main character as he joined his friend sitting in the back.
“that was fast!” Barney noted.
“We didn’t need to do much.” George replied as the foot powered vehicle began to move. They didn’t get far when sirens began to ring behind them.
“Looks like you're being pulled over Fred.” Barney stated the obvious.
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Fred grumbled as he brought the strange vehicle to the side of the road. The two Beatles were nervous as the predictable storyline showed that the police were for them. However they didn’t have the money with them, so clearly this would just be a routine stop. Unfortunately cartoon logic didn’t pan out that way. Witnesses saw all four of them by the bank, so both pairs of men we’re hauled to the paddy wagon. Yes, even the prisoners had to foot pedal the vehicle to jail.
Then a commercial break began. The first advertisement was in black and white, but portrayed the cartoon characters of the very show that was being played. Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble were chilling out by the side of Fred’s house smoking a Winston cigarette. However George and Ringo were next to them, indulging in a smoke too. Fuck it, at least they got a smoke break!
Immediately after the pair found themselves on a plane in color. A voiceover was selling the product of United Airlines with flashes of families especially little kids and a stewardess dressed in red and blue. There was a tray of dessert placed in front of each of them in which the men quickly devoured. They hadn't eaten and they don't know how long they had been trapped in the idiot box.
After the little song was through the next commercial began. It was in black and white this time. George found himself standing next to a woman who seem to ignore his existence while she discussed in great detail about the cross your heart feature for the Playtex bra. That’s when Harrison saw he was wearing the product over his shirt. Treating George as if he were just a mannequin, the woman lightly pulled at the bra straps to show the feature. The commercial continued with another woman in a darker dress talking about the products line of girdles, while Ringo was unfortunately modeling the item over his trousers. The Playtex girdle was made with layers, meant to keep the lower part of your stomach looking flat. Embarrassingly she pointed out the v shape feature on this lower half garment, taking no mind that this was a person she was touching. Firm and flatter is what she would say while Ringo stare dumbfoundly at the screen. He could see Julian laughing on the floor at the picture on the screen. Starr couldn’t fault the child; it must have been a hysterical sight!
Thankfully the commercial break ended in the show continued. It wasn't much better as the pair found themselves in jail along with the main characters Fred and Barney. Somebody in another cell was stereotypically playing the harmonica off camera. While the main characters were trying to figure out what occurred, George and Ringo noticed the two men they bumped into at the bank. The real criminals were comically dressed in drag, as the two approach the bars with one of the barefooted cops.
“Which of these boys are your nephews?” The officer inquired.
“Those two.” The fat man wearing a pink dress said pointing to George and Ringo. “Could we take them home with us?” he asked pretending to sound like an old lady. The policeman just shook his head.
“Sorry ma’am,” the dimwitted cop explained with the stereotypical Irish accent. “We have to hold them both, but you can leave them that lovely cake you made for them.” The officer then lifted up the crudely drawn pastry, that clearly had a file sticking out of it. George just rolled his eyes. He had enough of the stupidity of the cartoon world!
“Officers!” he spoke up from the jail cell. “These men are the bank robbers!” The cop just laughed at him.
“don’t be ridiculous!” the man in a tattered uniform dismissed.
“We’re just two sweet old ladies.” The skinny man in a blue dress and bonnet asserted in a raspy voice, while attempting to sound like a woman.
“Oh, enough with this!” Ringo exclaimed as he pulled the pink dress off the fat man. The cartoon fork tore off like paper from the robber’s body. George followed his friends lead and ripped off the blue dress and bonnet from the skinny one. Each revealing to be wearing the clothes they were wearing before under the dresses.
“Well, well, well!” the cop responded, looking over the exposed pair. “If it isn’t Robby Robber and Sticky Fingers Pete!” he acted like he discovered their disguises himself. “where are your accomplices? Stan the number two man and Frankie the boss?”
“Right here!” Said another voice that suddenly appeared. It was another cop, and in his custody we’re two other men with similar heights to George and Ringo. The Beatles, along with the main characters of the show were instantly released. The story ended at Fred’s house, where Mister Flintstone toasted his new friends for getting him out of jail and stopping the bank robbery. A cute blond girl was there and she began hitting on George, where poor Ringo seem to get the family pet dinosaur Dino’s attention. The story ended with the iconic character Fred Flintstone yelling out his iconic phrase, Yaba Dabba Doo! And then Julian changed the channel.
George and Ringo found themselves as regular humans again, instead of cartoons. Now they were in a spooky place. It looked like they were outside, in some kind of graveyard. The two musicians huddled together, frightened by what new dangers we’re lurking for them now. To their relief, they saw a normal looking man in a modern suit. He had his back to the two visitors of this story, so the two approached him in a respectful manner. Despite the figures well dressed demeanor everything else around them was one large “Dark Shadow “ it seemed.
“Excuse me sir.” Was all Ringo said, when the man suddenly turned around, and to their horror, they saw he was a vampire.
“Julian,” screamed George as he and Ringo ran from the man who they figured out was Barnabas Collins. “change the channel quick!” The little boy was scared of this character too and eagerly complied. First they found themselves standing next to a weatherman.
“The rain should let up sometime tonight.” The man in a blue suit and red tie began, but Julian quickly changed the channel. Instantly the men saw themselves in some kind of black and white Western, but before anything could happen, the channel changed and so did the scenery. The little boy was apparently flipping to different networks. They were then in a living room of an average home where a lady was peddling Kleenex, then another news network, but George and Ringo only got to see a man and a woman sitting at a desk, just seconds before they would sent somewhere else. Suddenly the two Beatles found themselves surrounded by men in red shirts and they were all pointing some type of gun at the pair.
“Captain!” cried one of the men. “We found the Intruders.” The Beatles look like they were in some type of strange building. There was a long circular hallway that seemed to never end. Then three other men appeared, but wearing different colored shirts. The man in the middle was wearing a yellowish gold color on his upper half, where his two companions were wearing blue shirts. Everyone was wearing black pants and boots. One of the men wearing one of the blue shirts had pointed ears. That’s when the two Beatles knew where they were. This was Star Trek! Paul McCartney was an avid watcher of this program.
“Nice work Mister Henson.” The man known as James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise stated as he approached the strangers. “Bones, what are they?” he asked the older man in the blue shirt, that was the ships doctor. Doctor McCoy, as George and Ringo knew him from the show, took his box of technology called the tricorder and waved it around them. A funny noise accompanied the activity and then it stopped.
“their human Jim.” The old man replied.
“Fascinating.” Remarked the taller of the three. The other man in a blue shirt was the captains first officer, Mister Spock. Despite the strangeness of his entire adventure, both Beatles had to admit it was pretty cool to see a real alien. Even if it was just in the telly.
“We come in peace.” Starr blurted out. He honestly didn’t know what else to say.
“Who are you?” the captain interrogated them.
“It’s a strange story.” George replied. Honestly, how long could this craziness last!
“We’re used to strange stories.” The ship’s doctor told them.
“Well… “ Harrison began, looking at the barrows of the many guns pointed at him. “what did Samantha the witch call it, where we from? “ he asked his companion Ringo despite the confusion of the others around them.
“Realm.” The drummer answered.
“realm?” Mister Spock asked, with his eyebrow raised in that iconic fashion. With a motion from the first officer, the red shirts immediately put down their weapons. “continue.” He told them with the blank face.
“are you familiar with television? “ inquired the taller Beatle.
“yes,” Captain Kirk answered.
“well we’re from 1967,” George explained. “and in our realm, you are all a television show.”
“there was an electrical storm outside,” Ringo followed. He recalled that strange witch Endora said that the electricity part was important. “While the little boy we were babysitting was playing with the newfangle remote control, something happened to pull us into the television and all the programs that are currently on.”
“And you’re saying our lives are here to entertain you?” The man in the gold shirt observed with his eyebrow raised
“For all we know somewhere in some other realm we could be entertaining thousands right now, for some kind of challenge.” George stated wisely. He didn’t want to discuss the morality of entertainment he just wanted to go home. “What matters that we return to our realm so we can continue our lives and you can continue yours.”
“Logical.” The Vulcan agreed.
“very well.” The Captain backed up, then he walked over to the wall across from where the pair were standing. “Mister Scott,” the man said into some kind of device.
“Mister Scott here Sir.” The wall answered back.
“Meet me and the rest of the senior officers in Ready Room 3.” The man in the gold shirt replied.
“Aye sir.” replied a very Scottish wall. The next scene The Beatles found themselves sitting in the ready room, along with most of the cast of the show. Kirk, Spock and McCoy were there, but there was now lieutenant Uhura taking notes, with Mister Scott, along with Mister Sulu and Mister Chekov. The Beatles had not spoken any further about their situation, but the entire crew were somehow filled in.
“From what you two described,” the first officer explained. It should be noted, he was also a science officer. “It appears you are all from an alternative universe. Something transported you using the electrical impulse of the storm you told us about prior to your journey.”
“Wormhole?” the Captain inquired.
“Possibly.” Agreed the Vulcan.
“So how do we get back?” Ringo wanted to know.
“Well wormholes are rare.” Spock pointed out. “However, reports indicate a wormhole in the system of Data 9.”
“That’s deep in Klingon territory.” Mister Chekov noted.
“Of course, it is!” George responded, rolling his eyes. He was familiar enough with the show to know that the Klingons were an adversary. They were an extremely violent and thuggish race, as they are often depicted. Needless to say the Enterprise was on their way to Data 9, in the heart of Klingon territory. The Beatles were now hanging out on the bridge for some reason. They weren’t doing anything, just standing by trying to avoid being in anyone’s way. Everyone else was in their rightful place. Having seen the show many times it was rather a spectacular view to behold.
“Captain.” Chekov spoke up. “Klingon vessel approaching.”
“Hail them.” The Captain ordered from his chair. Then speaking into the armrest of his seat, the star fleet officer introduced himself. “This is Captain James T Kirk of the starship Enterprise. Our mission is peaceful.” Then on the screen before them, the Klingon Commander appeared. The makeup appeared so terrible to the well off musicians, but in this world these were real people.
“State your mission.” The captain of the Klingon vessel ordered.
“we received the distress call from a lost ship with damaged navigational equipment over in Data 9.” Kirk explained, intentionally lying. The Klingon captain saw right through it.
“there was no distress call! “ he exclaimed, rightfully so, but rather inconveniently. “turn back around and leave our territory or prepare to be boarded.” the screen then went black.
“Mister Sulu,” the captain of the Enterprise called out. “how long would it take us to get to Data 9 at warp 7?”
“Thirty minutes Captain.” Responded the man at the helm.
“Scotty.” The captain said into his chair.
“Scott here Sir.” The chair said in a Scottish accent.
“Bring the engine to warp factor 9.” Kirk ordered, upping the speed by two notches.
“Aye Sir.” Responded an exasperated Mister Scott down in engineering. Then defying the laws of physics, the spacecraft jetted to its location.
“The Klingon vessel is not far behind.” Mister Spock alerted them. “ we have fifteen minutes before they get here.”
“That’s plenty of time.” The man in the golden shirt said getting up from his captain’s chair. “you two.” He said to George and Ringo. “come with me to the transporter room. Spock, McCoy, accompany us.” The five men enter the enclosed elevator and even though it didn’t feel like they were moving, there would definitely be a different set when they open those doors again. “you know, we never got your names.” Captain Kirk noted. The other two men looked on in curiosity at the television travelers and Spock had his eyebrow raised.
“Well,” George began feeling a little nervous. “I’m George Harrison and this is me mate Richard Starkey.” Kirk and McCoy chuckled.
“Well ain’t that just the craziest thing.” The doctor replied laughing.
“Indeed,” Kirk acknowledged. “we had no idea you two were of The Beatles.”
“You've heard of us?” asked Ringo in surprise. The captain just smiled.
“I enjoy classical music.” He admitted with a tease. Then the doors open, and the five departed the lift. They all continue down a corridor until they made it to the transporter room. Having seen the show again so many times, the Beatles knew exactly what to do. Each one found a spot in one of the circles of the fancy technology. Then Ringo began to feel fearful.
“Doesn’t this device tear atoms apart and could very easily malfunction and not put them back together correctly?” the smaller man inquired nervously.
“Try not to think about it.” Doctor McCoy advised with an empathetic smile.
“live long and prosper.” Spock told them, while giving his iconic hand signal.
“it was an honor to meet you both.” The captain stated. “such important part of Earth’s history. Thank you.” And with that Mister Scott applied the technology and the men started to fade away in a gold glittery affect. Then suddenly George and Ringo were back in the living room of the hotel they were originally from. The pair were no longer sitting but standing, the television was off and the remote was placed properly on the coffee table like Julian was taught to do.
“Goodnight, Uncle Rich,” the little boy called from his room. “Goodnight, Uncle George.” He followed up.
“Do you need to be tucked in?” Ringo offered.
“no I’m good.” The child answered. “goodnight!” and with that there wasn't a sound from the little boy for the rest of the night. The two men who just returned from a wild adventure, poured a drink and sat back on a different couch away from the television and that ominous remote. After each of them had a cigarette and then lit another, the two found themselves sitting back lamenting over what just occurred.
“Was that real?” George wondered aloud.
“I don't know.” Starr confessed, shaken by all that had transpired. He still remembered wearing that damn girdle. Then looking through the window, the glass appeared mostly dry. The night sky was clear with stars and no lightening in sight. “at least it stopped raining.” The drummer noted.
“Yeah that’s true.” Harrison agreed, drinking heavily. “how do you believe we really got back?” he asked of his good friend.
“I honestly don’t know.” The smaller of the two admitted.
“That Endora woman knew.” The youngest Beatle pointed out.
“True.” Ringo agreed, then he finished the rest of his drink. “She definitely knew something.”
Notes:
Ending credits
This is fanfiction and I make no claim whatsoever that any of this is true.
This is an affectionate tribute to the 1960s television programming and even their advertising. I was born in the ‘80s but I grew up with parents who watched these shows from the 1960s.
Credit due for Hanna Barbera
Yogi Bear, Tom and Jerry and The Flintstones are their property.
I created original stories with these characters, along with the Starrison’s. I have never watched all of the episodes of any of these shows. Nor have I seen any of them really, since the 20th century. I made no attempt to copy any possible plot lines or stories with these characters that may have correlated with mine.Credit due for Waterman Entertainment
Mister Ed
I included the Starrison’s, the characters and the character Mister Ed. Wilbur is mentioned. Although I have not seen an episode of the show since the 1980s, (correction I saw the Mae West episode of the show a year ago I believe. It was for researching another story involving the mention actress.) I’m sure at some point the joke “shoe horse” have been used. Therefore, I wish to give credit to the writers of Mr. Ed and any others that may have predated them as well. Pretty much, it’s an old joke.Universal Studios
Addams Family
I included the Starrison’s, the characters and the set from The Addams Family. Although I have not seen any of the Addams Family original series in full context, I'm sure there has been some scene where the plant has bit someone before. I do not make the claim of ownership of a biting plant.
However the storyline is mine as far as I know. If I have at all copied any aspect you feel I owe credit, please let me know.ABC owns
Bewitched, Dark shadows
I added the Starrison’s and used the Bewitched characters and home. However, the story line is mine. I admit I not really watched any episodes, except possibly from childhood. However, I did research the characters quite thoroughly and I hope I represented them well.
The character Barnabas Collins and a generic graveyard is described in the story along with the Starrison characters. No dialogue came from this character.Produced by Filmways
Beverly Hillbillies
I added the Starrison’s and used the Beverly Hillbillies characters together. As far as I know the storyline is mine along with the joke about the intersection and the dog. However, I've only seen a few episodes of this show in my entire life and even that was several years ago. So, if I have an inadvertently copied any aspect of a storyline, please let me know, as I am not aware of it.Paramount
Created by Gene Roddenberry
Star Trek, original
The main characters of Star Trek interact fully with the Starrison characters. I describe the characters and use several in dialogue. I did apply common catchphrases these characters are known for using and make no claim of ownership of said phrases nor characters. I describe the inside of the Enterprise, along with their fictional technology from the show. I also Incorporated the Klingon villains into my storyline.
Although running from the Klingons and transporting something or someone, before they arrive, is a literally cliché of the show, my use of the storyline has different circumstances therefore I do not claim the ideas entirely of my own but the circumstances in which it was used as. I hope that makes sense. Please see me on tumblr for clarification.TRIBUTE to Jim Henson. I named one of the Star Trek guards after him.
All of the commercial’s are verbatim with the Starrison’s added to the storyline and the description of the advertisement through the concept of the character which is of my own creation. This is not done to plagiarize but to encourage others to look at these old commercials and appreciate the nostalgia and educational principles of these videos. I find it interesting to see how advertising and entertainment evolves over time and I of course encourage others to do the same. All of these advertisements can be found through my descriptions on YouTube.
Trix
Folgers NEW instant coffee
Thunderstreak
Tippy toes
Chevrolet
McDonald’s
Winston cigarettes
United Airlines
Playtex bra and girdle
KleenexIf I I've missed anything please let me know.
Please comment below.
Chapter 2: The Real That 70s Show!
Summary:
It's the 1970s and Ringo and George are on holiday in Florida with Starr's children. However they really haven't learned anything from their first encountered with the airwaves.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Florida 1979
Ringo Starr rarely had time alone with his children, but when he did take them on holiday, he always tried to do something extra special. So their trip to Florida was spent with an entire week at a Disney resort, now they were staying at an exquisite private beach house in Miami. However, not every day in a vacation can be glamorous, and unfortunately today was one of Florida’s many unpleasant heavy rains. Most of the trip has been quite nice, so this little spur wasn’t too big of a deal. Worst case scenario they can just take another week.
However the boys had made friends within the gated rental community, with a couple of lads their age. One of the kids had this new kind of interactive form of entertainment at his beach house, which made him the most popular of the group. Electronic games connected to the telly were all the rage for the boys in their social class and even going down to the middle class children. So Zak and Jason with permission, went to their friends beach home to play the Atari games. It was just Ringo left alone with his four year old daughter Lee and… George Harrison.
George met up with the family in Miami, as a prearrange agreement to help out with the kids. Barbara Bach, Ringo’s current girlfriend had accompanied them to Disney World, but had other engagements for the rest of the trip in New York, so George agreed to help monitor three children at a beach with no lifeguard. However, with the crappy weather coming in, the two men and little girl, relaxed in the parlor area and turned on the telly. Might as well, as there really wasn’t much else to do. It was a gray afternoon, the dull shade covered the sky, as water fell heavily, then light, then stopped, then heavy and light again. It was a nasty day, but it wasn’t the rainy season so it shouldn’t last the entirety of their trip. Still, with this weather it wasn’t safe to go anywhere and the winds were causing the trees to bend. Lucky the ocean wasn’t flooding, though the tide was much higher than normal, they were currently safe.
The father and his secret lover sat on the couch, as little Lee curled next to her daddy. He was watching his grown up shows that weren’t very interesting to little children. With the remote control the oldest in the room alternated between gameshows and the news. George was zoning in and out, as the weather made him sleepy and Ringo controlling the telly on a weekday wasn't the most spectacular form of entertainment. Even those blue eyes began to struggle holding up there heavy lids, as Starr began to nod off as well.
Lee, seemingly immuned to the calls of slumber, set up and observed her father and uncle go from in charged to fast asleep. Seizing the opportunity the little girl took the magical wand from her sleeping father’s hand and apply the device to the television. The box with the glass window playing in color went from a very, very, very boring newscaster, to whatever she could find. After aimlessly flipping channels the child decided on a Road Runner and Wiley Coyote cartoon to occupy her time.
The monotony of the funny fast bird and the crazy looking dog chase scene ended, and a new cartoon from this show began. Tweety Bird and Sylvester the black and white cat, were in the next little skit to entertain her. However, it was rather difficult to hear, because her father and uncle were snoring loudly. As the picture came to a close, Ringo snorted out with such a roar, that the child jumped, startled that a human can make such a sound. Annoyed by the rude adults, as she was quiet during her dad’s shows, she turned the device onto the men at her side. Lee tried the volume button on the sleeping men and when that failed she resolved to the off switch.
Impatiently the little child’s finger endlessly tried to turn off the rude noise, and her wish did come true. As she made her attempt, lightening flashed, striking the antenna of the beach house the three resided. They say lightning never strikes twice in the same place but ironically it found the Starrison’s again. The pair were asleep when they were zapped from the couch and into the television. The two former Beatles suddenly woke to find themselves with a painted background of a medieval setting. They were on a stone bridge, and there was a full size castle that could be seen in the distant background. Neither man understood what was going on until they looked at each other and saw they were both cartoon characters of themselves, comically dressed as musketeers.
“Fuck!” cried George realizing what was going on. “not this again!”
“We never did figure out how we escaped the last time.” Ringo omniously recalled. Then suddenly a background changed and they were in the countryside with a barn painted behind them.
“Okay, this is confusing!” Harrison yelled. What the hell was going on? Then the two men saw the image of Lee staring at the couch with her back to them. The four-year-old had no idea what just happened. Then out of nowhere a giant pencil appeared and chased the pair with it’s eraser. It got Ringo first and everything about the man except his head disappeared. Then it got George, who really didn't have anywhere to run and he was taken out in the same way.
After the giant pencil, a strange paintbrush appeared and glided over each of them. They were fully formed again wearing overalls and straw hats and Ringo had a piece of yellow grass sticking out of his mouth. He pulled that out right away.
“yuck!” he said throwing the vegetation away. It disappeared immediately, but the men were not surprised. They knew they were trapped in the television.
“Why did you give Lee the remote?” George wanted to know with a tad bit of annoyance that Starr hadn’t learned from their first encounters through the airwaves, with little Julian Lennon, who is now a few years shy of being an adult.
“I didn’t!” Starr protested. “the little tike must have napped it while I was asleep.” The youngest Beatle just shook his head, but then he realized he was just as guilty as his companion.
“Well, it’s just as much my fault as it is yours.” He admitted. Then they looked around and saw they were now in a completely different setting. The farm scene had turned into a winter wonderland along with a stereotypical igloo. “What the hell is going on?” Harrison demanded to know all frustrated. They continued walking a little further, when the background became a white endless void with no floor or ceiling or walls. They seem suspended in animation yet could walk straight. Then the eraser returned and erase George Harrison except for his eyes. The paintbrush again returned and this time the youngest Beatle was transformed into a strange flower headed, four-legged, monster. Ringo was horrified, forced to put his hands to his face.
“my god!” The smaller man gasped. Then that ominous brush returned and created a mirror with Harrison's creepy reflection. This caused the mutated man to scream.
“Change me back! “ He demanded. In which the brush waved over him and he was transformed into his normal character. Ringo also got a makeover from the brush changing his clothes to a suit to match his friends. Then they could see Lee sitting on the couch, watching the idiot box like a little zombie. She had no idea these cartoons were her father and Uncle George.
Ringo tried to call to his daughter, but instead of his voice, the sound of a locomotive came out of his mouth. George stared in disbelief but when he tried to speak the sound of a siren protruded from his. Starr then became frustrated and started to talk aggressively but unfortunately he sounded like a barking dog. Frustrated Harrison backed up his friend but all his mouth would make was donkey noises. The men begin raging in wailing despite the many peculiar sounds it made. Until the two were exhausted and holding each other up as they panted. Suddenly they could speak clearly again.
“what’s going on?” Ringo asked completely out of breath.
“No idea!” George replied with relief that he could talk again. Then suddenly the pencil returned and drew an open door frame around them. The two stared dumbfounded as the door to the door frame was closed through the magic of animation. The poor Beatles had no idea that Bugs Bunny was sitting in the artist chair, causing all the chaos that unfolded.
“ain’t I a stinker?” he asked, holding his iconic carrot like a cigar in his hand. Meanwhile, little Lee was bored with this genre of shows and decided to flip the channels. Quickly they flashed through an episode of Happy Days, but when the two musicians were there for just a moment and then were gone. Right as the Fonz was about to acknowledge their existence, in the Cunningham’s living room. Disappointed that they couldn’t at least stay, the pair briefly saw Walter Cronkite at his news desk, but quickly after they found themselves in a brightly lit kitchen. Standing in front of the sink, the two Beatles looked around perplexed. Which show was this?
Then suddenly the sink began to shake and a voice that was supposed to resemble God above, spoke.
“Use “Crystal Drano!”” the unseen being demanded. Looking into the sink, the men could see that it was mildly clogged.
“I can just clean it out.” Ringo said not thinking. Then the set shook again.
“No!” God ordered. “To make clogs go, use Drano!” then the channel changed. Lee still didn’t understand what exactly had happened. She reasoned in her four year old mine that the grown-ups must have simply gotten up and she didn't notice. While trying to find something good, she stopped her constant flipping to a baby Kermit the frog in front of the red curtain of The Muppet show.
It was Robin, Kermit’s nephew introducing the guest for the episode, “Kenny Rogers.” George and Ringo had found themselves in a dark place until the curtains opened, revealing they were sitting side by side, on a makeshift train set for a stage. Out in the audience strange people made out of felt and other materials, stared with colorful faces. The two men found the puppet spectators more spectacular to look at, than themselves.
Yet they were on stage in a small country song began to play. The Gambler, instrumentally played in the background. Above the audience Lee could be seen watching her dad and uncle on the faux stage. Starr had wanted to yell and call out to her. However, he realized in a way he could perform at that moment just for his baby girl. So rather than choose his own way out of this mess, he and his friend comply to the storyline and began to sing. The two sung the song that they knew quite well and did the best that they could unrehearsed. Across from the two were two elderly puppets and one of them died and danced as a ghost as the song went on. It was a beautiful number and the little girl seemed entranced. Yeah, they just blew a possible way to reach her but there was no regret at that moment for the distant father.
The audience roared as the curtain closed and then a commercial break began. It was a Luvs diaper advertisement. Besides a bare naked baby and then the product being displayed, the two Beatles were not seen, until there was a shot of them in a living room together. Ringo was sitting down, holding a baby, while George held a diaper, unused, up for display. The advertisement continued on with its selling points and then George and Ringo were seen again, but outdoors on a blanket with an older baby between them. The song with the woman with the high pitched voice continued until the commercial finally ended.
The next commercial the men found themselves in, they were in a parlor and a woman was up close to the screen. She was looking directly at the audience. The pretty lady started talking about a product called Summer's Eve which neither man knew about. Until she was explaining that it was a douche. Awkwardly the men turned red as she continued her sales pitch, while little Lee left the living room.
“Where is she going?” Ringo asked, but was over powered by the woman explaining about the disposable item for women’s hygiene. Afterwards, the pair found themselves facing the screen, each with a little bowl of pudding in front of them. Bill Cosby was by George’s side and was talking to them about the goodness of Jell-O pudding. The arrogant man spoke down to the two other men as if they were small children in a very condescending fashion. The ad was brief blissfully, and the new advertisement began. This time the pair found themselves in a black background surrounded by bubbles. They were being twirled by an unseen force, while and invisible voice sold the fizzy beverage called 7-Up. Letters formed in a angelic pattern in the sky and every now and then the two men would appear in the formation of the letter. The pair were holding up gold wings like butterflies towards the very end.
Looking forward the two men could see Lee had returned to the sofa and had the box of Uncle George’s cookies. The naughty child happily munched on a handful of the forbidden treats as she lazily changed the channel. When the channel changed, the two former Beatles found themselves in some kind of kitchen that dated back to the decade of their early youth. Confused, the two men studied their surroundings, when suddenly adore swung open and a woman dressed in an outrageous outfit jumped out.
It was the iconic character, Wonder Woman and she came in ready for a fight. She tackled the male pair, who were trying to run away from her, and tied them up together with her golden lasso.
“Are you Nazis!” the character whose show to place in the 1940s, demanded to know.
“No.” Ringo Starr answered honestly, as he was tied to George Harrison with her magical restraint.
“Are you a spy?” the sexy superhero further interrogated her captives.
“of course not!” George answered.
“We’re English.” Starr followed up. The attractive dark haired woman looked them over as they remained her prisoners.
“Who are you?” the woman asked in a softer voice. She actually sounded quite sweet. The men were unsure if they should go along with some type of storyline but they found that they were not able to utter a lie. The woman laughed at their attempt. “the golden cord that holds you forces you to tell the truth. You cannot lie to me.” She told them.
“very well.” Ringo relented at trying to come up with a cover. “my name is Richard and this is my friend George. We come from another realm or dimension or whatever it is...” The man was exasperated, he literally just been woken up into this madness.
“Whatever it is, “ George continued for his friend. “where we’re from, you are a fictional character and we’re trying to get back to where we belong.”
“I’m in a book?” the woman inquired shocked.
“A moving picture.” The blue-eyed man explained.
“Like at the movie house?” she asked with her knowledge of 1940s technology.
“Kinda,” George followed up. “but at home.”
“Movies at home?” the barely dressed lady inquired. She gave them a look over. Clearly she was finding it difficult to believe them, but her magical device made it impossible for her to question their words.
“we’re from the 1970s.” explained Ringo. This caused Diana Prince, also known as Wonder Woman to gasp allowed.
“so you’re from the future.” The black hair woman replied.
“not exactly.” Harrison further explained. “you see, in our world, you are a comic book character and a moving picture show. Some force involving electricity has put us in your world, through a box of technology that allows people to see moving pictures at home.”
“Strange.” the lady just stated looking extremely sexy. Her outfit was hot as fuck and her body was perfect for such attire. Then she removed the device that held the men and forced them to speak the truth. “very well. I believe you.”
“Thank you.” Starr told her after she released them from their grip. Then suddenly someone shot at them, nearly striking Ringo. Everyone duct to the floor immediately. Once the two men were safe, the superhero leap to her feet and tried to open the door outside, but struggled.
“It’s jammed!” the female hero cried.
“here let me help.” George offered, then he kicked the door out of the frame. Immediately Wonder Woman jolted after the man who shot at them, as he attempted to flee in a black car. Yet, the woman who couldn’t kick open a door, lifted the back end of the 1940s vehicle without any difficulty. Seeing this incredible contradiction the television travelers stared off with gapping mouths. “What the fu… “ George responded to the ridiculousness of it all, while Lee changed the channel as her uncle uttered his curse.
The two television travelers found themselves sitting next to one another on some kind of stage. On their right was two sets of couples, each male and female, and another on their left. The television travelers were the only all male pair on the set. Then the lights lit up and a man spoke to the window of the outside world.
“Welcome back to the Newlyweds Game.” Said a man in a blue suit, clearly this programs host. “I’m Bill Carruthers, and before the break we asked the husbands three questions, each worth five points. Now let’s see what our women have to say to our questions.” The audience applauded and first went to the couple on the left side of the former Beatles. “our first question, what is your favorite physical feature about your husband. Dawn, what is your favorite physical feature about Barry?”
“His height.” Dawn a tiny brown haired woman, wearing a red floral dress answered. Barry was indeed a tall fella, you could tell even when he was sitting. However his answer was different than hers .
“My hair.” Was written on a card with blue marker. The two were immediately disappointed.
“okay Carol,” Bill went to the couple on the opposite end of the first. “what’s your favorite physical feature about Jack?” Carol and Jack were both black. The wife wore a conservative powder blue dress with a pink sweater over her shoulders. Her husband complimented her nicely with a light tan suit. The lady thought hard on the question.
“His smile.” She answered sweetly, giving her husband her beautiful smile back. However the man certainly wasn’t smiling when he lifted up his card.
“my chest.” It read and the woman put her head down in disappointment. Then the host turn to the two men.
“Georgina, what is your favorite physical feature about your husband Rich?” Bill called on the confused pair. That's when George realized he was wearing a blue patterned dress. Completely dumbfounded the crossdressing man stared off for a second and then answered honestly, because he didn’t know what else to do.
“His blue eyes.” The man answered turning red. Starr then realizing the card in his hand, lifted the first one and it indeed read.
“My eyes.” And the audience applauded.
“alright,” Mister Carruthers went to the next couple and asked Michelle the same question in regards to Randy.
“His arms.” The blond shouted out proudly in her green checkered dress. Unfortunately Randy shook his head and lifted his card.
“My face.” Randy held up his card while dressed in a brown suit.
“Okay,” the host continued. “Next question what was it about you, that drew your husband to you?” then looking at the two men as if they were man and wife. “Georgina, you go first.”
“We both play music.” Harrison responded. Ringo who was wearing a navy suit lifted the card and it read.
“Music.” Which granted them applause again.
“Alright Dawn, your turn.” Bill said to the smallest lady.
“My sense of humor.” She replied meekly. Her husband Barry sighed annoyed. Then lifting his card he wrote.
“Our dogs.” Dawn immediately covered her face.
“Oh that’s right,” she cried. “we met at the park walking our dogs.” The two laughed.
“You’re funny.” Barry said and they kissed.
“Now Michelle, what was it about you, that drew your husband to you?”
“Well that one’s easy Bill.” The wife replied confidently. “we met in high school and I was a cheerleader!” she announced proudly. Yet, despite her confidence her husband’s card read.
“Her blond hair.” Which cuz the woman to give the man a playful punch in the arm.
“Randy!” the disappointed woman exclaimed.
“Lets see if Carol can do better with Jack.” The man in charge turned to the only black couple. Carol postured herself up straight before answering.
“My love of the Lord!” She stated proudly, which led to an applause from the audience and a few Amen’s. But Jack sheepishly coward as he lifted up the card.
“Her legs.” It read and the wife glared at her husband with a look that could kill.
“Uh oh Jack,” Carruthers laughed. “it looks like you messed up big there.”
“In my defense,” Jack replied. “she has an amazing pair of legs.” He said hoping to warm up his wife.
“We met at church,” Carol reminded him, folding her arms. “And I never wear short skirts there!”
“Yeah, but you do at the disco the night before.” Her husband came back, saving his ass. Everyone laughed and the host began to speak again.
“Okay, the final question.” Bill announced. “we asked the men, what is your wife’s favorite Beatle song. We’ll start with Michelle.”
“Strawberry Fields.” The woman answered immediately. Her husband made a face, that wasn't of success. “Oh come on Randy!” his wife cried. “I listen to that song all the time on the record player!” Reluctantly her husband lifted his card and it read,
“Michelle.” Randy shrugged.
“I just guessed.” He admitted. Then Bill turned to the next couple, Carol and Jack.
“Carol, what do you think Jack would pick as your favorite Beatles song?”
“Well he better have gotten this one right, because we danced to it at our wedding.” Carol replied. Jack was already looking gray. “All you need is love.” Was her answer. Then with his head down the husband pulled up his final card and it read,
“twist and shout.” Carol didn’t look happy but then kissed her husband anyway.
“Okay,” the host said, turning the attention to Dawn and Barry. “What is your favorite Beatles song Dawn?”
“Well my favorite Beatles song changed recently to Norwegian Wood.” Dawn answered. “but because I used to listen to Fixing a Hole a lot, I'll choose that one.” Barry just laughed again and pulled up his card to reveal,
“I give up, I don’t know.” As his answer. Poor Dawn just buried her face in embarrassment. So Mister Carruthers went straight to the two men.
“okay, Georgina, “ the game show host stated. “what would Rich say is your favorite Beatles song?” George just answered honestly again, as he and Ringo had no interest in competing or winning this game.
“every little thing.” The man in the blue dress responded. Ringo without hesitation lifted the card and to the audience roar, it read,
“every little thing.” Everyone cried out as the television host announced the winners.
“Congratulations Rich and Georgina!” Bill told the audience. “you two are the only ones to get every single answer right, while no one else answered correctly at all. This is truly remarkable.” While facing the screen the host explain to the audience the prizes the pair had won. “Rich and Georgina are going home with a brand new surround sound stereo system and every single Beatles album!” the crowd in the studio clapped loudly as the host told everyone to enjoy a message from their sponsors.
George and Ringo were now in front of some starry background and they stood behind a table with a bunch of technology on it. Above the head was a rainbow apple with a bite out of it, the logo of a computer company that used a similar name to their record label. A man approached in a gray suit and began talking about all the wonders of Apple computers. It was rather impressive they had to admit. They couldn't believe they would be able to connect with other computers with that dial-up phone device. It was incredible that they’d be able to print from their own homes and teach their children math. Hell, it could compete with that Atari game consult these kids were into today!
The advertising switched off to a lovely living room where a man in a tan outfit stood. The man was holding a record in his hands, while songs from the 1950s played. Songs these two men knew and loved. The first song was “Put your Head on my Shoulder” by Paul Anka.
“If you're like me,” the man began. “you never ordered a record from television before.” As he said this another song began to play. “In The Still of the Night,” being sung by the Five Satins started playing mid song, Then he looked into the screen and showed up a record cover. “Now you can be “In Love, with the 50s,”” the man stated, revealing the name of the collection. George and Ringo found themselves on the couch all of a sudden, while Ringo wore a black dress and George was in a suit. The pair sat awkwardly next to two glasses of wine and a vase full of red roses, well the love song played as the announcer peddled the product. Then the two Beatles were in black and white, sitting in the back seat of an old car.
George was dressed like a teddy boy, while Ringo wore a poodle skirt. They pulled apart, as they were seated very close to one another while an announcer talked about the good old days of their youth. Another shot was of the odd couple, now in autumn clothing attire. Ringo was wearing women’s jeans and a ladies sweater, as he and George were walking down a road with a canopy of autumn foliage above them. “We belong together” chorus, sung by Richie Valens could be heard as the scenery changed back to the living room. Now the same sex couple were now wearing matching pajamas, huddled by a fire on the floor, while the Flamingos singing “I only have eyes for you.” Right after that there was the sales pitch, along with the price, phone number and where to send a check or money order to.
However Lee changed the channel and the men found themselves in a dilapidated old house filled with junk.
“Where the hell are we now?” George stated, hoping they wouldn’t be forced to cross dress again.
Then suddenly out of a side door, two black men entered the room, that appeared to be a parlor of some kind. The furniture was all old and worn out. The collection of odd crap strongly indicated that these were hoarders.
“Why are there white people in my living room?” Said the old man of the pair.
“Paw, I told you, these are the men from England looking to do antiquing in America.” The younger man explained.
“Customers?” the senior replied, looking the pair over, then a knock came at the door and the gray haired man immediately approached the sound. He opened the barrier revealing a woman wearing a hat and a conservative dress.
“Fred.” The woman said cordially.
“Ester.” The old man replied back and then slammed the door in her face, then turned away.
“paw!” the younger man snapped as he reached the door. “why must you be so mean to Aunt Ester?” He asked sweetly, then opened the door again. However the woman stormed in like a hurricane.
“Fed Sanford you evil old heathen!” Ester entered like a flash of lightening. “How dare you slam that door in my face!”
“I’d rather just slam my fists there instead.” Fred shot back.
“Now will you two knock it off!” the more rational of the trio demanded. “we have customers.”
“Lamont,” his aunt turned to her nephew. “Do you mean to tell me, that these two white boys want to buy broken old tubs and bent up tire rims.”
“I don’t know.” The father admitted. “Maybe they’re farmers and they saw you outside our house, and they’re looking for something to scare the crows.”
“Or maybe they are looking for some manure, and we’re drawn to your personality.” The old woman cracked back proudly. Clearly this was a long on going feud and war was on between the elderly two. At that point the bickering pair were face to face and the younger man Lamont slid over to the guests.
“I’m sorry about this.” He said to the two quiet men, watching the wild quarrel between the elders.
“Ester I could forgive ugly,” the old man yelled. “but you made it a crime!”
“no problem.” George assured Lamont. The two television travelers recognized the characters and realized they were on the show “Sanford and Son.”
“you vile old goat!” The woman called out. “Living and acting just like a wild beast!”
“are they always like this?” inquired Ringo, as he watched in awe in how the fighting couple haven’t killed each other yet.
“Where were you during the war?” Fred shouted. “we could have used your ugly to scare both the Nazis and the Japanese into surrender. The war would have been over in one day!”
“yes.” Lamont answered and then Lee changed the channel. Now George and Ringo were in a bedroom, with three twin beds. It was obviously a little girl’s room, but neither men could pinpoint it right away. That is until a teenage girl suddenly entered. She had long blonde hair and looked to be about sixteen years old. The men recognize the character right away. It was Marsha Brady and they were in the show The Brady Bunch.
“oh my god!” the girl cried out. “its you!” She said excited. The men knew that look on her face too well.
“please,” George pleaded. “don’t say anything!”
“Oh I cannot not tell my sister’s!” Marsha exclaimed. Then she abruptly turned around. “Jan, Cindy, come quick!” the eldest Brady girl called down the stairs. “The Monkee’s are here!” Okay, the girl didn’t fully recognize them, but the reaction was still the same. Soon, three screaming blond haired girls were surrounding them, stirring up a storm. In desperation the father of three called out.
“Lee change the channel!” Ringo yelled at loud as he could. The little girl in the real world, lazily zoned in and out of the television shows that she was screening. Hearing her father’s voice she didn’t really pay attention where it came from, she simply obeyed. It was a good thing, as Marsha, Jan and Cindy, all had a sleepover due with their perspective friends. The soprano tones of the prepubescent girls crying out for the Monkees in close quarters, would have been most unbearable. Now they were cartoons again and in some strange world. They were cruelly drawn and in a barren atmosphere of ruins and rocks.
“What show is this?” Ringo asked, observing a huge standing rock with a hole in the center big enough for one to walk through.
“It’s good to see you both again.” Said a familiar voice. Turning around, the two Beatles saw the cartoon versions of Captain Kirk, Commander Spock and Doctor McCoy.
“Captain Kirk!” George replied. “oh we’re glad to see you three again!”
“Did you two travel through the Guardian of Forever?” Spock inquired.
“what’s that?” Ringo asked confused.
“That thing right behind you.” Answered McCoy. “It’s called the Guardian of Forever. All you have to do is think of a place and time you want to go and walk through it.”
“I don’t think we came from there.” Harrison observed.
“But maybe it could return us home.” Starr figured out. The three cartoon starship crew members nodded in agreement to his conclusion. So the two Beatles closed their eyes and thought of Miami Florida in 1979. They thought of the beach house, the parlor and little Lee of course. Doing all this the two men waved good bye to the cartoon characters and walked through the rock. However, all it did was cause a glitch in the system and the screen turned to standby. Annoyed with the lack of entertainment the little girl instantly change the channel.
Yet, when the former Beatles walked from the other side of the space age device, they found they weren’t home and still cartoons. However they clearly were on Earth this time and the animation was definitely an improvement. Looking around they could tell they were in some type of spooky looking corridor. Suddenly there was a loud noise and the two ran away from it. In doing so, they bumped into five other characters, causing a collide of bodies.
The people spray to the ground and each had little spinning spirals around their heads to indicate confusion. Then looking over the characters the men could tell who they were. The first was a very sexy redhead, wearing a short purple dress. The second woman had short hair, wore glasses and dressed in a lot of orange. There was also a blonde haired man wearing a white over shirt with a blue scarf. There was also a shaggy looking brown hair gentleman who didn't look well shaved. He wore brown pants and an olive green shirt. But most recognizable of them all, was the Big Brown Dog character. He had large black spots, a big nose, wore a blue collar and could speak.
“we’re in a Scooby-Doo picture.” George observed.
“oh hey man, “ Shaggy replied. “you’ve heard of us?” the five characters where miraculously on their feet in the next scene along with the two guests stars of the picture.
“Yeah,” Ringo just agreed, not wanting to linger on the topic. He was a bit disenchanted over the Star Trek situation. Captain Kirk and his crew were able to return them home last time, it was a frightening perspective to think that they failed this go around. Maybe one of the reruns of the actual show will be on soon. And if Lee happened to click on it. And stay on the station long enough for them to do anything… ugh! There were too many factors that were highly unlikely, rendering this a hopeless hypothesis.
“Where are we?” Harrison inquired.
“Miami Florida.” The short nerdy woman named Velma answered.
“what year is this? “ Ringo wanted to know.
“sometime in the 1970s.” Shaggy followed up. “the exact year is never clear to me.” Shit! That guardian of forever things sort of did work, just not as they intended.
“we’re here to solve the mystery of the Pirate Crocodile Ghost.” Fred explained.
“Legend has it,” Velma began. “that two hundred years ago, a pirate named Mud Beard wrestle a giant crocodile and they both killed each other. Now the two haunt this house as one spirit, even though it all took place outside.”
“Zoinks!” Shaggy uttered, “isn’t this an eighty year old house?” he pointed out logically.
“Stop putting holes in our plotline.” Fred told them in the same voice he had for all of his emotions. “Daphne and Velma will go with me up stairs.” He explained. “Shaggy, Scooby and our new friends will go check out the cemetery outside, by where the event actually happened and where the pirate and the crocodile are both buried.”
“and where all the sightings have been reported.” Daphne followed up.
“oh why do we have to go to the scary places, while you chill with the babes in undisclosed locations? “ the cartoon stoner implied.
“because you two are the stars of our group.” Fred explained. “its definitely not any weird interests I have in popular cheerleader types, seducing nerdy girls in tickle parties. Nothing like that at all.”
“I’m no longer buying that line. “ Shaggy argued
“me neither.” The K9 backed up.
“Would you do it for a Scooby snack?” Velma offered the pair suggestively. However the two other characters weren’t persuaded and quickly turn their heads.
“No!” the man and his dog said together.
“would you do it for two Scooby snacks?” the nerdy girl tempted, holding out the biscuit.
“hey that’s bribery.” Ringo pointed out.
“Yeah and it worked.” Replied Shaggy, as he and Scooby chowed down on their treats. However before the Beatles could object, the scene abruptly changed and they were outside in the cemetery.
“Fuck!” George let slip out. He wasn’t thrilled with this arrangement. Then looking at the pair he and Ringo were stuck with, he decided to make the best out of the situation. “what does this Ghost Pirate Crocodile supposedly look like?” He asked.
“well… “ Shaggy began nervously. “ it’s eight feet tall. Green, with white outlining and ferocious big teeth.” However what the former Beatles didn’t realize was that their companion was describing the creature standing behind them. Fortunately both fathers have seen this cartoon enough times to recognize what was happening and didn’t even bother to turn around as they ran. They could hear the theme song playing as the four we’re chased and what seemed to be the same exact background over and over again.
“Oh enough with this!” Harrison said suddenly as he duct behind a gravestone, comically taking Ringo in with him. The smaller man’s arm stretched and his feet lifted with the standard cartoon response. Then the monster approached their way, oblivious to any change in the script. Knowing these cartoons as these two experienced dad’s did, these monsters were always someone wearing a costume, so the pair tackled the creature from behind. They wrestled the character to the ground and relentlessly kicked and punched it.
“That’s way more violent than we usually do it.” Shaggy observed. He along with Scooby had stop running and wasn’t helping the two musicians. He just watched from a cowards distance.
“Yeah, well that’s how I do it.” Ringo remarked, punching the crocodile face wearing an eye patch and pirates hat. It even had a peg leg, but the animation kept changing it from the left to the right leg of it’s backside. Then he pulled the mask off the character to reveal who it was. It was some guy with a pointy nose, black hair, a twirly mustache and a monocle over one eye. Then out of nowhere, Fred and the women arrived. However, Velma’s glasses were noticeably upside down, Daphne wasn’t wearing any stockings and Fred didn’t have his belt. The man’s pants kept falling down revealing his boxers with little hearts on them.
“That’s Mister Hooligan.” Velma observed of the captive man.
“You mean the guy who hired us to find the ghost in the first place” Shaggy asked.
“Mister Hooligan purchase the house along with the cemetery and where the Ghost Pirate Crocodile was supposed to haunt, hoping to make it a bed and breakfast for ghost hunters.” The nerdy girl explained. “However ghost aren’t real, so he thought if he could convince us there was a real Ghost Pirate Crocodile, then it would draw up business!”
“How do you know all that?” the scraggly human character inquired.
“I don’t know.” Velma admitted.
“Well I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn’t for you meddling kids!” Mister Hooligan iconically remarked, suddenly tied up with ropes with the magic of animation and the lack of attention span with younger audiences.
“Good job gang!” Fred remarked as if he did anything to help. “another mystery solved by the Mystery Gang and…”
“Scooby, Scooby, Doo!” the dog called out at the end. Then another commercial break began. First George and Ringo were no longer cartoons and we're sitting at a breakfast table with a plate of pancakes between them. Without warning, the jar of syrup, dressed as a stereotypical mama, began to talk. The two men thought they were tripping at first. However, the glass jar kept talking calling herself Missus Butterworth’s. The product spoke about how great and thick her maple syrup was, while trying not to appear as a racist stereotype. Right after that the men found themselves in a disco of some sorts. However they weren't wearing regular clothes. Each we’re in some kind of costume that covered their entire body. Looking through the peephole, they saw that everybody surrounding them was dressed as Jeffrey the giraffe from the popular toy store, Toys r Us. The different giraffes were dancing to disco music while an announcer talked about all the great deals the name brand provided. Then Lee changed the channel.
The men were now outside surrounded by ugly green tents. It was nighttime, and every structure around them looked temporary. They noticed military jeeps and even ambulances.
“We must be in some sort of war film.” George observed.
“Hey!” said an unseen male voice behind them. “who goes there?” The two former Beatles abruptly turned around expecting to find a well uniformed military officer. Instead they found a Lebanese guy from Toledo, dressed in high heels and a pink frock. However he was also holding a gun, so the men instantly put their hands up.
“Klinger, will you put that thing away.” Said a more reasonable voice that suddenly approached from the side. Looking at the two other men as they approached, each casually wearing house coats, the two former Beatles realized they were in an episode of M*A*S*H.
“Who are they?” The cross-dressing corporal inquired.
“They’re part of the round of British troops caught in the crossfire between us and the North Koreans.” Explained the taller of the two, causing the comical guard to stand down. This was Doctor B. J. Honeycutt, a replacement character for Hawkeyes sidekick, Trapper. “I worked on that young man’s shoulder. “ he continued pointing to George. That’s when Harrison realized one of his arms was in a sling. Then both doctors approached their walking patients. B. J. Immediately was at George’s side taking a look at the bandages.
“How’s your leg?” the second doctor inquired. This was Hawkeye and he was wearing his informal red robe. Ringo realized he was using a single crutch and that one of his legs were indeed wrapped up. The doctor didn't wait for an answer from his patient to make sure the bandages were still on tight.
“It’s good to see you both walking.” B. J. noted.
“Thank you doctor.” Ringo responded instinctively to the care. He had seen so many medical professionals in his life already, it was just a natural reaction at this point. Hawkeye smiled looking the two over.
“Since you’re both doing better,” the shorter doctor began. “why not accompany us to the Mess Tent and will treat you to a cup of Joe.” The drafted Army surgeon offered.
“Sure.” George agreed, as the four walked in the same direction. “that’s very nice of you.” the musician further extended his gratitude.
“No, it’s not.” Hawkeye remarked. “wait til you taste it and you’ll think we’re trying to kill you.” This made the two television travelers laugh as they strolled into the cafeteria, known as the mess tent on the show, with their medical companions. They each grab some coffee however Hawkeye took Ringo's cup for him and chose to bring it to his table. It made sense since the smaller man was using a crutch. The doctors led their two patients to a table with bench seats and the most of the rest of the cast.
The old man Colonel Potter sat drinking coffee and eating crackers. He was in a surgical garb all covered in blood. He looked exhausted. The taller doctor, Doctor Winchester, was dressed the same and had his head down in exhaustion. The beautiful blonde nurse Margaret Houlihan sat across from the pair. There was also Father Mulcahy sitting somberly next to her.
“The patient didn’t pull through?” B. J. asked as he sat between the two doctors in surgical garb.
“No.” the old man sadly shook his head. “just eighteen years old too. Poor boy should have been chasing girls not bullets.” Then as the two men from England sat beside the priest, the head doctor looked at them in the eyes. “he was one of yours.” He said to the recovering patients. “I’m sorry. We tried to save him, but his heart was too badly damaged to be helped. We tried our best.” the man was teary-eyed as he spoke of the dearly departed to his comrades. A little more than a year later these words would eerily haunt these men. However, it was just a storyline.
“Thank you.” George said trying to look somber.
“What was his name?” Father Mulcahy inquired. “I need to write to his family.” The priest explained.
“John, something or other.” Potter replied. “I need to look it up.”’ he added rubbing his head. Another coincidence or not, it cannot be known. Hawkeye had grabbed an old wooden crate and used it to sit at the head of the table. He did it so the patients had the better seat.
“Well our shifts starts in another hour, so you all can get a break.” Hawkeye reminded the tired three. The two former Beatles sat back in awe. They had seen the show many times before and it's often quite hilarious. There would be stunts, jokes, and pranks, performed by the two flamboyant doctors who were rebellious against military protocol. Sexual jokes about Hot Lips Houlihan would play in many of the misogynist scenes. Hell there was a gin making stillery in the doctor’s tent. However, this show also made sure to drive very hard the consequences of war. Death was a constant part of the show, it was practically it’s own character.
The medical staff and the priest were suddenly very quiet, as they stirred in their dilemma. They were all away from home, their lives in constant threat, the food was terrible, the work hard and grueling and never ending. Years later, when M*A*S*H finally did end, it would have been on eleven years. Even longer than the war it was emulating. In a way these were the untold stories, not of the Korean war but of the Vietnam war that had literally just passed. The twenty-year-long battle greatly affected the baby boomer generation, which these two musicians were apart. Ringo had been immediately exempt from military service, due to his many medical ailments. However George, along with John Lennon and Paul McCartney, had expected to be forced to join compulsory military service, but that requirement ended right before the three came of age.
Still the fear of the draft was constant, even for them. When George received a letter from the Royal government, he immediately thought it was a mandate for him to report to service. Thankfully it ended up being the announcement of his “Members of the Order of the British Empire” award, that he and his bandmates received. That's what he got for being able to play the guitar really well, and this is what happened to so many others his age in the United States, who weren’t as fortunate as he. There was a dark somber moment, when suddenly a short man with glasses exploded into the tent.
“Choppers!” the character called Radar yelled to everyone, which caused the entire tent to stand up and all the personnel to go into active duty. It was only after the Beatles departed the tent, and view the organized chaos unfold around them, did they hear the sound of the helicopters flying overhead. Doctors jumped on to ambulances going towards the wounded on the helicopter deck. Nurses immediately ran to the OR preparing themselves for surgery. Even the cross dressing Klinger devotedly prepared beds for the newly wounded. It really was a powerful moment. The kind that the show was known for. Although these stories were being betrayed by actors the men could not help but lament the reality behind the fiction. Then without even realizing the window in front of them, Lee change the channel.
George and Ringo were now standing on a white stage with an audience in front of them. Ringo was wearing a rather nice white suit and George had a long black wig going down past his shoulders and a long tight dress matching Ringo suit. Looking at the stage and seeing the pattern on the décor the two men realize they were on the Sonny and Cher’s show. This involved the real life married couple, doing a variety show together. Suddenly the instrumental version of their biggest hit “I got you Babe.” Began to play.
Ringo ironically was Sonny and comically George was Cher. With nothing else better to do the odd couple saying the big hit that had played relentlessly all over the radio. Everyone knew the damn words. Together the pair we’re singing and could see Ringo’s daughter Lee, fastly falling asleep with the remote in her hand. Shit they were stuck here! Then suddenly Jason appeared in front of the television and right after Zak could be seen. Ringo’s two sons must have just returned home. Jason took the remote from Lee.
“I hate this show!” the little boy said as he turned off the television set.
“Where’s dad and Uncle George?” Zak asked, as he took the box of cookies from the sleeping Lee. The two boys shrugged at each other and walked towards the kitchen looking for the adults. Then suddenly George and Ringo appeared in the parlor. They could see the backs of the two boys heading towards the kitchen. They were back!
“Dad!” Zak called for his father.
“We’re right here son.” Ringo told his eldest. The boys turned around to see the adults to their relief.
“We’re hungry.” Jason stated. His father responded by lifting up his little daughter in his arms and looking at the lads.
“I’ll fry us up some burgers.” Starr told the kids, and the five went to the kitchen together, leaving the television off in the parlor. However while everyone else was away, the box turned itself on and Walter Cronkite appeared at his news desk.
“tonight at seven,” the season newscaster announced. “President Carter discusses hostage negotiations. Will California ban smoking in public spaces?” Then the man transformed into a long brown haired woman that had appeared in Ringo’s gender changing nightmare.
“and finally,” she spoke, finishing the newscast in her own magical fashion. “George Harrison and Ringo Starr, formally of the Beatles, have not finished their travels through the airways. See you at eight-ie-eight.” She finished with a smile and with a flash of lightning the television was off again, for now.
Notes:
Warner Bros
Bugs Bunny
Episode Duck Amuck
I inserted the Starrison’s into the role of Daffy Ducks. This was a homage to my love of this particular cartoon. Duck Amuck came out in 1953, but this genre of cartoons was played heavily during the 1970s airwaves.ABC
Happy Days
Lightly mentioned but no interaction.Disney
Created by Jim Henson
The Muppet Show
A scene replacing the guess star Kenny Rogers with the Starrison’s to sing the song the Gambler. Robin Kermit’s nephew is briefly mentioned, along with the elder Muppets in the skit and the Muppet audience describes.Created by D.C. />
Wonder Woman television series.
I have never seen a complete episode of the show. I did however do some research on the subject in which I wrote my original skit involving the Starrison’s and Wonder Woman.M*A*S*H
I had the Starrison’s on the set of show, as described. I use the characters of the later series, not the full original cast. I admit I like the later series better than the older ones. I have been an avid watcher of this program but I don’t believe I’ve seen every single episode. I did however want to show a light bit of the type of humor the characters would betray. Klinger wearing a dress for example while serving in the military position is normal for that character. Hawkeye making the coffee joke is another repetitive form of humor that I’ve heard on the show and do not take any credit for it whatsoever. I did this more to establish the characters.
I however did come up with the Starrison’s injuries, while they were characters on that show. This was about the two former Beatles perspective than the show itself. I fully admit I use the tragedy of John Lennon’s death that happens a year later from the story, to powerfully convey home a war story from the show. I did this to give my readers a powerful understanding of the emotional impact of both the Korean and Vietnam war in which this series is heavily twined in. I also did this respectfully as a tribute to John Ono Lennon who during life claimed to be an advocate for peace.Sonya Pictures Television
Newlyweds Game
Hosted by Bill Carruthers
I chose to use actual questions from an episode I saw of this game show. However, I made up the couples and their answers.Tandem Productions
Sanford and Son
I made up the scene using the characters Fred Sanford, his son Lamont and the character known as Aunt Esther. With the exception of Esther referring to Fred as a heathen, the scene was originally all mine as far as I'm aware. I have not seen many episodes of this show so if I have inadvertently copied a line, they may have already used please let me know and I will happily give credit.ABC
The Brady Bunch
I used the characters Marsha, Jan, and Cindy Brady for an original scene. I don’t really remember a single episode of this show, as I haven’t seen it since the early 80s. I also never saw any of the movies back in the 1990s.NBC
Created by Gene Roddenberry and Filmation
I created an original scene involving the Starrison’s and the three main characters of the program. I used the Guardian of Forever technically that has been in both the animated and the original series at this point when the show came on. It was a brief Cameo and I simply had a small interaction between the two sets of characters.Hanna Barbera
Scooby-Doo
I used the characters of both the cartoon and the Starrison’s for my own original storyline. I chose to deflect from the original context of the characters a bit in order to fulfill more of a fan base perspective. I did this for the sake of humor and satire. Although I have seen Scooby-Doo quite a bit as a child I have not seen it recently. I am unaware of any crocodile pirate monsters that they may have confronted but I could be wrong. I deliberately tried to make it be as ridiculous as possible but that also could still fit within the genre of the show. Please correct me if I’m wrong. Thank you.TV Land
Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour
I inserted the Starrison’s as Sonny and Cher, on their show, singing “I got you Babe, “ written by Sonny Bono.Unlike the first chapter, I didn’t do all the commercials verbatim. Here is the list of commercials where I literally just inserted the Starrison’s. I did this for both educational and entertainment purposes.
Crystal Drano
Luvs diapers
Summer Eve
Jell-O Pudding
7-up
Apple ComputersAs far as I am aware I came up with the title “In love with the 50s.” if some album like this does exist, please let me know and I will get them full credit. I however did base this fictitious commercial off of years of seeing similar commercials like this.
Chapter 3: That's Sooo 80's!
Summary:
George and Ringo think it's safe to stand between the television and the remote. They should know better!
Notes:
Starrison Week 2022
Day 5, 1980sI write this with the greatest love and respect and homage to 1980s television. 💖
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
California
June 1988
George Harrison and Ringo Starr were both abandoned by their wives. The two former Beatles were just ditched by their women at George’s California rental, while Olivia and Barbara had a girl’s day out. Dhani, George’s nine-year-old son wanted to stay home with his father, who was usually more fun. So, the three “men” jammed out in the music room, ate lunch and then they were in the parlor stretching out. The adults had a beer and the little man was permitted a few sips. It was a nice day and a little boy wanted to go outside and play. The child made the request to the adults, but his dad and his friend were not in the mood for outdoor activities.
Then Dhani decided to take advantage of this rental home’s amenities, which had a television in every bedroom, including his! So, the little boy leaned back onto his bed and used the remote to turn on the box of entertainment. He smacked the on button and immediately the screen came alive. The first show to grace the glass was Sesame Street. Big Bird was roller skating down the colorful set, to Hooper’s store. Stupid baby show, the nine-year-old thought to himself as he changed the channel.
Though he had memories of loving this program and devotedly watched it with both of his parents just a few years ago. However, he wasn’t a baby anymore! Quickly, the little boy flipped through his options. The Home Shopping Network was selling some kind of salad chopper, that he clicked off quickly. Oprah was interviewing troubled teenagers on her show, but the child didn’t stay on long enough to find out anything else. Then the news had something dreadfully boring being discussed, which switched in a flash, when finally, a cool show was on. G. I Joe, a fun military cartoon that fought an army of snake worshipping terrorists, was definitely worthy of the lad’s attention.
Sadly the program was at it’s end. The final battle had already commenced and the closing sequence was short. Then there was a brief skit after the program, advising kids not to jump over fallen down power lines with their bikes, and then the closing credits. As flashes of the characters of the former show were displayed, the announcer told the viewers that Transformers would be on next! Dhani loved this cartoon and had a collection of the robot changing vehicles at home, and couldn’t get enough of this genre. However, a knock graced his door and it followed with the barrier opening, along with his dad and Uncle Rich entering promptly.
The two stood in front of the telly, an act they normally wouldn’t do. However, the weather was bright and sunny, which hindered the former television travelers apprehensions from such an action.
“We’re both going to the store,” his father explained. “So, you need to come along.” This was mildly disappointing, because Transformers was a great cartoon, but the little boy always enjoyed being with his dad. Even though he was slightly disappointed, this really wasn’t an issue. So, the young man pressed the red button on the remote control towards the television in which the former Beatles stood without concern. However, these two musicians failed to realize, that though rare, lightning can happen even without rain or other storm clouds. It just takes one, and one just happened to form and release it’s electric pressure onto the antenna of the rental home.
It was almost like some unseen force just arranged these little visits through the airwaves, as again the two former Beatles had returned inside the television. Dhani just stared in horror. One second his father and non biological uncle were in front of him, the next moment they were not.
“Dad?” the nine-year-old called out. “Uncle Rich?” This was just too wild to believe, so the youngest Harrison leaped off his bed to search for the missing adults. Unbeknownst to the child, his father and uncle were able to see him leave, but could do nothing as the introduction of the Transformer cartoon played, then announced a message from their sponsor.
The men went from dodging being stepped on by giant robot feet, to someone’s home, in front of one of those fancy home computers. However, this wasn’t an advertisement for such electronics, but for candy. Soon little rainbow dots with the letter “M” printed in white on the colored candy shell, began dancing on the keys. M&M candies were then given to the two men, being told by the food item that they “melt in your mouth, not in your hand.” It was rather creepy hearing this from the very food they were eating.
Then the commercial changed again. Each man was wearing matching outfits and were riding a joint bike. Harrison was in the front. They passed a pair of identical twin girls wearing green tennis outfits, holding up the rackets for the game. They waved at the men with mirrored smiles, with their identical hands and blonde hair. Another pair of identical twins appeared; both were black men wearing the same gray suit. The song for Doublemint gum played its tune, overpowering all other noise.
After the song completed, the next advertisement began right away. George and Ringo were on what must have been the simplest set ever. It was just a cheap tarp backdrop. However, there was a young boy about Dhani’s age between them.
“You two don’t think I have what it takes.” The child began without introduction. “Because I’m small you assume I won’t amount to anything!” then the kid held up a glass of milk. “But I’m drinking milk.” The lad proclaimed and transformed into a young teenager. “And milk is making me stronger. Building up my bones and muscles.” Then the kid was a late teen. “In time I will surpass you.” He stated boldly. Soon a man in his twenties, dressed in a snazzy modern suit was towering over both men. He was over six feet tall now. “But by then it will be too late.” the man remarked, smugly looking down at the travelers, who wanted no part of this. Then the announcer stated the slogan, milk does a body good and the commercial was over.
Then suddenly the television travelers were standing in the snow of a cartoon world. Goddamnit! Why did this only happen when a child possessed the remote? Yet George and Ringo were dressed in winter gear and noticed a huge snow man in the direction they were sent walking. A white pile of snow that towered over the pair at an unbelievable height was before them. Cautiously the two approach the large winter structure that was the size of a building, while trying to figure out where they were.
“That snowman is massive!” Ringo stated in awe. A laugh could be heard, but where it was, was unclear. It was obviously close.
“Not a snowman,” Then the large cluster of snow began to shake, revealing a black and white robot underneath. “Snowbot,” the voice of the legendary Scatman Cother’s said through the robot characters mouth. George and Ringo would later learn this was Jazz, the musical Autobot. Then from behind the two humans a band of robots appeared, each holding something in their hands. It ended up being snowballs, and an animated snowball fight ensued.
“Crazy weather for July.” One of the sentient machines stated. Meanwhile Dhani Harrison was searching for the adults in the house. Looking in the kitchen first, the only child found an ashtray with two lit cigarettes, but no dad or Uncle Ringo. The living room revealed an off television and no grown ups. Quickly the boy wandered outdoors. He walked around the immediate property and saw both his fathers, and Uncle Ringo’s vehicles were still in the garage. Where did they go? The child wondered. Without much else to do the British boy returned to his room.
While Dhani was searching for the adults, George and Ringo were forced to go along with the transformers story. The pair were with the hero’s of the show, the Autobots. They were a race of benevolent robots, who wanted to protect mankind from the destructive Decepticons. Their leader, Optimus Prime figured out that strange weather was caused by the Decepticon’s draining the Earth's energy. So, the two humans went along with the convoy to confront the shows aggressors. The former Beatles were ironically in the front seat of the yellow beetle car, called Bumblebee as they made the journey. Through ice and snow, the line of robot vehicles traveled to their destination when the characters discovered an enemy robot, larger than all of the main characters. Then the show went into commercial break.
First the two musicians were no longer cartoons, and in a Dunkin’ Donuts establishment. They were dressed in baker’s uniforms, and were accompanied with old Fred the donut baker, who endlessly repeated his slogan.
“Time to make the donuts!” right afterwards the pair found themselves back as cartoons, but not human. They were both little blue people and so were all the people around them. Mushroom structures were everywhere, as houses to outdoor phones. This was the Smurfs, but it wasn’t the show. The two most notable characters, Papa Smurf the leader of the society and Smurfette, the specie’s only female, peddled their 1-900 number, charging $2.45 for the first two minutes and forty-five cents for each additional minute. With the voices that were not the original cast, the characters promised stories of the Smurfs adventures, how to get cheap ass plastic toys and that some of the money went to the Special Olympics.
George hated these numbers, that were nothing but a rip off and trap for parents. Children would often call without permission and parents would find phone bills that were astronomically high. Dhani even called one of those numbers once, to listen to the Freddy Krueger hotline. It was an eighty-four-dollar call! Lucky the despicable ad was only thirty seconds and the television travelers were again their normal selves, inside a huge video store. It was one of those Blockbuster businesses. The two former Beatles were extras, as other people promoted the product of a wide variety of video selections and low prices. You also could keep the video for three days!
Then the men were outdoors in an autumn setting. The season was most evident with remnants of tree foliage scattered across the ground. Piano music could be heard not far away, so the two musicians headed towards that sound. They found themselves in a neighborhood, with a real standing piano, but the cartoon character McGruff the Crime Fighting Dog, playing the instrument while singing a condescending song. Children surrounded the anti drug propagandists, as he referred to users as losers. Dick! Both George and Ringo indulged in such illegal and legal recreations. Ringo rather heavily, but the last thing either wanted to hear was this bullshit. Thankfully the commercial and that crappy song were both brief and the television travelers were cartoons again. They were now back where they left off with the Autobots.
At this point Dhani had given up trying to locate the adults, and trusted his dad was somewhere he didn’t look. His father could have taken Uncle Rich some place on the large property. Maybe he just imagined him and his dad’s old bandmate in his room. Glancing at the television the young man recognized this episode of the Transformers. He had seen it before. It was from the first season, in which the well loved child had the entire box set of the first two seasons on VHS. Both the American and Japanese versions. A gift from his dad, who also liked watching this action pack cartoon of fighting vehicles with his son. So, without paying much attention, the only child flipped to the next station.
George and Ringo went from being in an alien robot’s crossfire to a place they couldn’t really pinpoint even if they tried. It clearly had something to do with the fact they were plunging to their death. The cartoon parody of themselves screamed in fear as they past down windows of huge skyscrapers. Then suddenly a spider web grabbed hold of Ringo, pulling him to the safety of Spider-Mans grasp. Meanwhile a red-headed woman in a yellow skin tight suit, flew in and caught the other man.
“Gotcha!” the woman exclaimed as she carried the bewildered George Harrison to safety.
As the four met up at the flat top roof of a high building, the two Beatles caught their breath. The pair were rather emotional as they had faced certain death. Then a third superhero character arrived and joined the superpower bunch. It was a bald man, covered in all white. He glided by on a high trail of ice he created somehow with his hands. His icy paths cut through roads and on top of buildings and bridges. They didn’t disappear right away either, but were left to melt. Rather hazardous for a city like this, however in the cartoon universe, this didn’t seem to cause a problem. The three characters stared in bewilderment at the reaction of the two rescued men.
“I guess it would make sense you two would be so freaked out, as you did nearly die.” Peter Parker in his Spider-Man suit acknowledged. “Strange, no one else has ever reacted that way before.” He suddenly realized.
“Thank you.” George remarked to both Spiderman and Friends, while catching his breath. Ringo looked over the trio but was still at a loss for words. He simply nodded in agreement with his friend. However, that was as far as the conversation went, as Dhani judged the Marvel superhero cartoon from 1981 to be old and out of date, so he flipped the channel again. Now Harrison and Starr were in some kind of cartoon orchard. They were surrounded by large fruit, flowers and berries. They were drawn as childish versions of themselves, in adorable overalls. Then a cartoon little girl dressed in red and pink, with a strawberry on her bonnet, approached the pair with a pink cat.
“Hello, I’m Strawberry Shortcake.” The childlike character politely introduced herself. “Welcome to Strawberryland!” she declared. “You are both berry welcome here.” It was incredibly kind of her to say, though the way she said it could give you cavities. Thankfully Dhani hated this baby girl show, so he quickly hit the clicker of the device he has known all his life. He flipped quickly through a bunch of boring options. The pair were no longer cartoons and were standing in a living room. One of the distinct features of this particular set was a staircase along the wall. George recognized the scenery right away.
“This is Full house.” The taller traveler pointed out.
“You got it dude.” Replied a small child’s voice. Gazing towards the floor, the pair noticed a preschool child. It was one of the Olsen twins, saying her characters iconic catch phrase. The channel changed again. Dhani wasn’t really looking at the television at this point. He was blindly flipping through the airwaves while he played his advanced hand-held video game device. It was a nifty little toy, as it entertained him until the battery died. This was something most kids his age couldn’t afford to have. So, the nine year old was clearly too preoccupied to notice his father and uncle on the game show Wheel of Fortune.
“Rich, it’s your turn to spin.” The host said to the former Beatle. George was standing beside his friend and watched as the smaller man gave the wheel a whirl. The multicolor circle spun its course but sadly it made a loud unpleasant noise as it stopped on the black bankruptcy card. That was the nine-year-olds cue to move to the next station. The men were cartoon’s again and standing before a bowl of red apples. Soon the iconic comic strip cat, Garfield began dancing on the table and juggled the fruit from the bowl.
It was a rather impressive little performance the feline put on, as he returned the items to the dish. That’s when the two men discovered the apples have been eaten down to their core and they were left to clean up the mess. Immediately the opening credits for Garfield and Friends began. It was a back and forth between the main character and the lousy farm animal half of the show, that no one cared about. Right afterwards the episode began with the doorbell ringing.
The two television travelers in their cartoon format answered the call together, along with their animated pets. The four opened the painted barrier to find a cartoon woman dressed in a seductive lobster costume. She clearly knew she looked ridiculous, as she sneered while she performed her act.
“Is this the Jon Arbuckle residence?” she asked holding a black cauldron in her oven mitt wearing hands. The hand coverings were designed to emulate lobsters claws in a cheap and easy manner. The main character Garfield, answered without outwardly speaking, that this must be Jon’s new dating service. Referring to both men as one. The woman further explained in an annoying little jingle which she sarcastically recited, that this was a lobster sent as a gift from John’s Aunt Tilly and Uncle Mitch.
Then she shoved the black pot with a yellow bow in George’s hands and left. You could hear her bitterly regretting her life as she exited off screen. With nothing better to do the men went along with the storyline and brought the pot inside to the kitchen. A thought bubble formed above the cat’s head, of all the dishes lobster could become. There was a letter attached to the pot and George felt compelled to read it aloud.
“To prepare lobster, plunge into boiling water for eight to ten minutes.” The lead guitarist recited.
“Well, that doesn’t sound very pleasant.” Ringo pointed out, as he undid the ribbon. Then the lid busted open and a red claw leaped out and pinched the drummer’s nose. “Ouch!” Starr yelled rubbing his face. By now the lobster had escaped its prison and began a fencing match with Garfield the cat. The orange feline was using a rolling pin for a sword, while the red sea creature bravely stood it’s ground with it’s claws.
“Quick, get him in the pot as I back him up.” Garfield told his two owners. However, George was a vegetarian and he firmly shook his head.
“no.” he told the pet cat, who wasn’t used to not getting his way. Surprised to be denied his demand, the feline wasn’t deterred from his goal. He found an ironing board and leaned it on a slant against the black cauldron. Miraculously through the logic of cartoons, the pot was set up on the stove, awaiting the beast’s execution. The main character successfully cornered the Nephropidae up the plank and forced it off the edge. Now the red creature was dangling above the pot of boiling water. It was inches from it’s impending doom.
However, the lobsters eyes softened, revealing it’s fear of death and desire to live. This display of humanity had an effect on the feline. Immediately the cat back down, unable to take another life. Meanwhile the lobster seeing it’s predators back off, pulled itself up from danger and crawled back on to the counter. Needless to say, it was agreed between the two humans, as well as the cat and dog, that the lobster should remain as a pet.
The four prepared a cold bath for the sea beast and lured it with fish flavored cat food. A montage began, with the characters walking the sea creature through the park, like a dog. Though neither Odie or Garfield wore a leash, but the lobster did. As if the mammals received special treatment. The next scene was Garfield in the traditional arm chair in front of the wooden television set. The lobster climbed up the furniture and looked down at the screen. When the sea creature saw it’s own kind being prepared as food, the orange feline immediately changed the channel. Then suddenly the former Beatles were dressed in stereotypical flamenco hats. Apparently for some reason, the Spanish dance was included into the acceptance of this animal.
Next Garfield was walking the lower-level pet as it wore a leash, along the sidewalk in front of people’s homes. Comically the clawed animal would clip a line of grass as it passed by, doing minor lawn service. The montage continued for a little while longer, ending with Garfield and Odie, trying to play with the pet lobster, by rolling a ball towards it. However, the shelled creature laid limp upon the floor of the kitchen. It could be sick or depressed, possibly both, but it was clear, the new pet wasn’t doing well. The two television travelers, masquerading as John Arbuckle concluded the sea creature should returned to the ocean. The other animals agreed instantly, and the next scene took place at an airport.
The entire ensemble of the four were buying plane tickets to Maine. Garfield was comically dressed like Charlie Brown, as he and Odie passed for children on the flight. A symbol of adult dishonesty. However, the story did have a sweet ending with the creature being returned to the Maine waters. Instantly the newly freed animal seemed to recover and swam out into the ocean, waving good bye on a rock. That’s when this cartoon section ended and then the segment to Orson’s farm began. It didn’t get far, as Dhani immediately switched the channel to avoid the annoying upcoming cartoon.
The child inadvertently switched to VH1, a music playing channel in the states. It was marketed for an older audience than Mtv. George and Ringo were now in some kind of study. There was a fireplace, a large brown armchair, a bear skin rug, a portrait of a woman, and that’s when George knew where they were. His cover of “I got my mind set on you,” was playing in the background. This was Harrison’s new music video. Hearing his dad’s song, Dhani put down his game to look at the television. To his surprise, both his dad and his dad’s former bandmate, Ringo were in the music video.
That wasn’t right! Uncle Ringo wasn’t in this video! The men could see that the lad was realizing something was wrong. They eagerly watched as the boy cautiously left the bed and approached the television set.
“Dad?” He asked, feeling foolish to be talking to an object. The two musicians were just relieved to be noticed. They stopped singing the song, that was almost over, to talk to the lad.
“Dhani!” the father called out.
“How?” the bewildered child uttered.
“we’re trapped in the telly!” George cried. “We go wherever you put us by changing the clicker.” He further explained. The song was ending, with all the furniture in the study coming to life.
“so, I should just change the channel?“ the younger Harrison inquired.
“Yes!” Ringo told him. So, the lad complied. The men were suddenly cartoon’s again and wearing old fashioned peasant clothing. Their surroundings were of a dark great room of some sort. Everything was made of stone, like in ancient times. This setting was accompanied with stone statues, a strange pool that bubbled, and didn’t look like water and a large stone high rise, with steps to reach it. The centerpiece on the stage was a gray sarcophagus. It was carved in stone as well. Then suddenly the lid to the heavy coffin slid to one side. George and Ringo immediately sought refuge behind one of the big statues, as a literal mummy emerged from its eternal home. What the fuck was this? The two men born in the 1940s thought, too frightened to speak aloud.
The monster wore a red cloak, while it’s body was mostly covered in bandages that fell loosely along his neck and limbs. His skin had a bluish hue, while his odd shaped face adorned red eyes. The walking dead slowly made it’s way down the stairs and approached the strange pool, in a ritualistic fashion.
“Ancient spirits of evil.” The mummy recited, seemingly unaware of his guests. “transform this decayed form.” It pointed its disturbing finger up towards the ceiling or the sky, it was hard to tell. ” To Mumm-Ra the Ever-living!” The eyes of the statues glowed a red light as the hideous creature’s body exploded in size, through its bandages. Its scrawny frame became huge and wide. Mumm-Ra as this being referred to itself. It’s once thin structure now had large muscles and a strange tattoo on its chest.
“Dhani get us out of here! “ Cried the drummer through the television screen. The little boy knew this character, who was the villain in the show called the Thunder Cats. It’s a shame, because it’s an excellent program, however Mumm-Ra was a serious villain and the child certainly didn’t want his father and uncle hurt. So obediently he changed the station to HBO, hoping it wasn’t playing Aliens. The men were quickly transported by this action immediately.
Now George and Ringo weren’t cartoons, but they were human either. They were in some kind of underground rock. Their bodies were made of felt, they had a wire on their left hand and looking below, they each could see a man beneath them. They were puppets!
“We’re blooming Muppet’s!” Starr cried, realizing there was a hand inside him.
“Fraggles.” An orange creature corrected as it appeared in the open portal of the rock apartment. Then the creature, apparently a Fraggle, approached the two Beatles. Ringo was now a bluish gray, with big eyes and green hair. He wore a loose coat that was a different shade of green from the mop on his head. George was more a mauve color, with bright blue hair. He wore a long gray shirt, that hung loosely on his exaggeratedly long body. Dhani watched the screen in shock to see the transformation. However, the show, which was called Fraggle Rock, was for babies. Still it might be stupid little kids programming in the older child’s mind, but he reasoned the preschool entertainment was at least a safe environment.
“I’m going to get the TV guide booklet.” Dhani told his elders through the screen. All the Fraggle versions of themselves could do was nod. As the boy disappeared, the two men or Fraggles as they were now, studied their surroundings. Four more of the strange Fraggle Muppets had joined the orange fellow, who went by the name of Gobo. They were the main cast of the show. Gobo was the sensible leader. Red a yellow puppet with furry red pigtails and a red shirt was known for her impulsiveness. Wimbley was a greenish yellowish puppet, with a Hawaiian shirt as his only clothes. He had a big nose and wild hair and was known for being extremely indecisive. There was Boober the gray sulky puppet, that hid it’s eyes under a red cap. He was known for being depressing. Finally there was Mokey, a pinkish puppet, with greenish hair and she simply wore an open jacket as her only clothes. This was clearly the hippy of the group.
“We’re all doing our work hour.” Explained Gobo to the new Fraggles.
“Work hour?” Ringo repeated aloud, as the concept seemed so strange. What the hell could you complete in an hour?
“Yes.” The orange Fraggle continued. “we Fraggles are a very well organized and dutiful bunch. We get our hour of work in each week no matter what.”
“Well, what do you do?” Asked George.
“I get a post card from my Uncle Traveling Matt, every week.” He informed the pair.
“how is that work?” Ringo wanted to know.
“well I have to go to outer space to get it.” The puppet further explained.
“Outer space?” Starr stated in disbelief. If only they had watched this program before, they would know that outer space was really the real world of humans.
“Yeah, I risk my life every week.” The creature said humbly, “but you do your job!” he was about to go into a song about it, but the two former Beatles asked him to stop, which the Fraggle begrudgingly did.
“What do you do? “ George inquire to the pigtail wearing Fraggle.
“Water purifier.” Red proudly announced.
“How do you do that? “ Harrison further asked.
“Well I jump and splash,” she explained while dancing. “to keep the water clean.” The television travelers just shook their heads. This was ridiculous!
“So, you’re swimming? “ Ringo observed.
“Basically.” The female Fraggle admitted. “but I put in a lot of overtime!“
“How about you? “ Starr had moved over to Wimbley now. “what do you do? “ the little Fraggle seemed startled that anyone would talk to him.
“Me?” he asked in surprise. The pair nodded, so the little fella continued. “well I’m with the Fire Department.” Wimbley answered promptly.
“You’re a fireman? “’asked George
“Siren.” He answered plainly.” I’m really good at it too! Wanna see? “ the Fraggle didn’t wait for an answer and began to make his high pitch noise.
“We’re good! “ Ringo told him, in which the puppet stopped immediately. “so you don’t put out fires?” he wanted to clarify.
“I don’t even know how to set one.” The yellowish Fraggle admitted, which was absolutely crazy to the humans trapped in Fraggle bodies. “it’s the only requirement to be a member of the fire department, here in Fraggle Rock.”
“Their a wonderful fire department.” Red followed up.
“yeah, we never had a single fire.” Gobo further supported. This was a mind blowing concept, but the older men reminded themselves this was a program geared for preschoolers. Then looking the final female Fraggle over, she chose to answer the question before it was even asked of her.
“I collect radishes in the Gorges garden.” Mokey explained.
“Well, that sounds nice.” George stated. A garden would be a great relief after all this madness.
“May we tag along with you? “ Ringo inquired, picking up on George’s idea.
“Of course! “ she told them sweetly. These creatures may be a bit dimwitted, and eccentric, but they were clearly friendly. The group dispense, each going their own way, with the exception of the three on their way to exit the cave and into the Grogs Garden. Unbeknownst to the two travelers, that out of all of the Fraggles, Mokey, had the most dangerous job of the whole Rock.
While on their way out of the cave the pair explained their situation to the understanding puppet. Mokey was an attentive listener and was curious about their world. Truth be told, the two humans transformed as puppets were really just trying to avoid looking down at their puppeteer. It was such a freaky thought that someone else was controlling you. The pair didn’t know if they had sentient thought, but it felt like they did. Their mouths moved when they wanted them to. Yet someone else was operating them. It was all so confusing, so in silence the two agreed not to talk about it. Meanwhile the little hippy Fraggle seemed to instantly believe their tale of being from another realm, like a child would.
“Well that’s all very interesting.” She told them, with a ring of teachers and psychologists in her voice. “I don’t know how to return you to your “realm”,” the pink colored Fraggle admitted. “but the Trash Heap might! “ she declared soundly. Then she peeked her head out of a portal of the cave and looked both ways, then up. “coast is clear. Come, we’ll see the Trash Heap first.” The girlish voice told them as the Fraggle hopped out of the cave. George and Ringo followed, appreciating the sunlight and fresh air.
“Now this is a trash heap? “ the taller male Fraggle was confused.
“Yes, and she is all knowing.” Mokey stated without turning around. The trio travel past the garden and the huge castle that made the ex Beatles feel like ants. Yet the free spirited Fraggle continued on, unfazed by her surroundings. They walked some distance until they reached a clearing, where they were greeted by two more smaller hand puppets, but they weren’t Fraggles. They had long noses and spoke with a nasally sneer.
“You are in the presents of the all knowing Trash Heap, “ the pair said together. Then they made a taunting noise at the end of the sentence. That’s when a pile of leaves and garbage began to raise up, revealing two arms and a face. The creature grasped a pair of glasses that had a handle, and gazed at the Fraggles before her.
“I’m the all knowing Trash Heap.” A female voice came from the sentient collection of waste. “I’m all knowing, because I’m everything.”
“well ma’am,” the taller of the British Fraggles began. “we don’t come from this world and we aren’t really Fraggles.”’
“we came here through a television, in which this is all a children’s show.” Ringo continued.
“television you say?” the pile of trash was thinking. “I know of this device. Go on.”
“well in our realm, this is a show called Fraggle Rock and we got here through my son changing the channel with a remote.” Harrison further explained.
“I see.” The female garbage acknowledged, clearly deep in thought. “Has this happened before?” she strangely inquired. The pair were taken back by the question, however they had to nod as in “yes” to her inquiry. Seeing their response the heap of junk continued. “Then you must return home, the same way as you did before.” She stated bluntly.
“But what’s that?” Starr tried to get a clearer answer. But the mystic creature, made of decaying rubbish, simply sunk into herself, as she was before. As the trash caved into itself, her two lackeys recited their slogan.
“The Trash Heap has spoken!” the two said together. It was most evident, they were to leave now.
“well that wasn’t very helpful.” George stated disappointed as the three made their way to the Gorges Garden to collect the anticipated radishes.
“Well give it time.” Mokey told them. “you should meditate on her words.” The hippy creature suggested. “We’ll do that at my cave when we get back.” She was entering the garden by now and began pulling up radishes. However, while in Fraggle form, George and Ringo were still gentlemen and were not going to just stand around, but aided Mokey in her duties. That’s when a large hand grasped Ringo from behind. A huge brown furry creature, with long brown hair and a tan shirt, held the tiny drummer firmly as a prized catch!
“I caught a Fraggle!” the creature said in a dimwitted voice.
“what is that thing?” George asked Mokey, as they hid from the monster that stole his friend.
“Well, that’s a Gorge.” She answered him. “His name is Junior. He and his mother and father believe they are the rulers of the whole universe.” The pinkish Fraggle explained. Poor Ringo was in the gargantuan creatures hand, resembling a small rodent. Meanwhile the Gorge was dancing all excited, emulating a toddler!
“What do we do?” Harrison asked, at a loss. A giant three year old was rather a horrifying concept.
“I have an idea,” The female Fraggle said, then traditionally she whispered in his ear. Being that this was still a television show, the scene changed and George found himself in a wide open space. He was hiding behind a random stone, while awaiting Mokey's signal. He looked out and saw the Gorge dancing still, without any sign of the excitement dying down. In order for Mokey’s plan to work, the stupid creature would need to be standing still.
“Hey Gorge!” Harrison called out, getting Juniors attention. The beast had stopped dancing and looking about, trying to find an owner to the voice he just heard.
“Who, said that? “Asked the child like villain, that was really a representation of the impulsiveness of preschoolers.
“Down here,” George answered. The giant sized three year old finally looked down and saw the little Fraggle standing before him. At this point the creature was still, and Mokey was bravely making her way to her position. The youngest former Beatle had to keep Junior distracted, and still, in order for this to work.
“Another Fraggle!” Junior cried in excitement.
“Easy.” George said calmly. It was like talking his son out of a temper tantrum when he was very small. “yes I’m a Fraggle. Okay, you see me, you have my friend, what now?” He asked the simple minded villain. The creature was taken back by the question and even brought the hand holding Ringo to his chin pressing the hair of his friends’ head against his face.
“I haven’t thought about it.” He admitted. “I don’t catch them very often and when I do, they always escape!”
“Well, what would you do with them if you got to keep them? “ George inquired.
“That’s a good question.” The Gorge admitted. “maybe keep them as pets.” The giant told him.
“Well, that’s not nice. “ the British accent replied from the taller male Fraggle.
“Why is it not nice? “ the giant preschooler wanted to know.
“Well,” the former Beatle tried to answer. “he is all alone and would be lonely.” George pointed out, without thinking the answer through. He regretted it as he uttered the sentence. Because clearly the solution was obvious.
“Well then, you can keep him company.” Junior cleverly observed and stepped forward towards the second Fraggle, but fell flat on his face. His arms were up in the air as his body met the ground, safely releasing Ringo from his large hand. Mokey had tied his laces together and met up with the pair, as they ran towards the entryway of Fraggle Rock. By then Dhani had returned with the TV guide in hand. Viewing the screen, he saw his father and uncle in danger and immediately flipped the channel. The men were now human again, even better they were themselves and not someone or something else. The pair saw that they were standing on a strange stage of some sort. The background was blue with a white triangular pattern. It looked familiar, but neither man could figure it out.
“Where are we?” Ringo asked, just grateful not to be a Fraggle anymore.
“I don’t know.” George replied, and suddenly a bucket of green slime appeared above and poured right onto the unsuspecting man. Touching the contents of what he was now covered in, Harrison studied the gross substance on his fingers. “What the hell just happened? “ he cried disgusted.
“I don’t know.” Starr stated freaked out, then suddenly he shared Harrison’s fate, as he too was covered in the green liquid with some solid chunks. Then there was an audience laughter, and the giant head of an illustrated mans head appeared on the television screen. He had red ink over his face reading the shows name. “You Can’t Do That On Television.” Dhani changed the station again, in hopes to spare the two men he cared deeply about further humiliation. Unfortunately, mostly for Ringo, they ended up on “Ducktales.” Starr couldn’t stand that annoying Donald Duck character, from Disney. The musician disliked his scratchy voice. Now, both he and George were drawn in the same style, as white ducks.
However, they each were dressed up as Scrooge McDuck. George was wearing the iconic blue outfit of the character, and Ringo’s version mirrored identically except for the color. His over coat, or shirt, or whatever the hell this non-pants wearing creature wore, was orange. Before the two richest duck’s of the world, were four little ducklings. Huey, Dewey and Louie, were instantly recognizable, as these characters were decades old. However, the female duckling, which was adorable, they had to admit, wore a purple top and bow on her head.
“Wow!” said Louie. “Two Uncle Scrooge’s.” he pointed out.
“Tell them to go swim in your money.” Dhani ordered, having seen the show quite a bit.
“Go swim in my money.” George duck told the four.
“You really mean it Uncle Scrooge?” Dewey cried, excited at the prospect.
“Go for it.” Ringo duck replied.
“Hooray!” the little ducklings jumped together in excitement and then took off down a flight of stairs in front of them. One by one each baby duck dived into a ridiculous pool of gold coins. With cartoon physics the children of the program swam in this money pit as if it were a sea of golden water. Now with the annoying little characters out of the way, Dhani sat on the bed and began flipping through the pages of the TV guide.
“What took you so long?” George demanded to know.
“I had to look for it.” Dhani answered promptly, never looking up from his research.
“Wasn’t it with the other magazines?” his father asked. The boy responded by first shaking his head.
“No.” the younger Harrison replied. “It took me forever to find it, but I found it in yours and mum’s toilet, with a pack of your cigarettes on top of it.” The father kinda sheepishly looked down. He was guilty of reading in the bathroom.
“You should have looked there first.” George remarked.
“No, you should have put it away.” The son corrected. The Harrison’s as parents were far from perfect, however George always wanted to be the best kind of man he could be around his only child. So he swallowed his pride and gave the lad a gracious example of backing down when wrong.
“Is Star Trek on?” Ringo inquired. Captain Kirk and his crew of the Starship Enterprise, got them out of this mess the first time. However, the cartoon version of those characters were not nearly as effective.
“No,” Dhani told them. “But it will be on soon. After the hour is up.” he glanced at the clock on the cable box. “that will be in a few minutes.” The boy explained.
“What’s on the station now?” Starr asked, eager to leave this horrible cartoon.
“Invasion From Mars,” the child informed the adult duck’s.
“Yeah we’ll stay here till it’s over.” George agreed.
“I’ll go check the channel in the parlor.” the youth decided. “I don’t want you to end up outside the ship during the opening of the show.” The boy stated, getting up. He didn’t wait for an answer, but simply left. The television travelers were forced to wait, with no other option. Then not long after, DuckTales was over and the ending credits rolled, along with the announcement that Tailspin would be playing next. However, first a moment from their sponsor.
George and Ringo were now human, and in some kind of park. George was wearing a pair of Fisher-Price roller skates for preschoolers. He had the advance setting of the toy and was able to skate about freely. Ringo was wearing a large size girls’ outfit, while sitting next to a woman, who was clearly the mother of the boy and the girl, the musicians were representing. The mother talked about the adjustable plastic skate, that went over shoes, could go from beginner to advance settings, and used velcro straps rather than buckles.
Then she put the yellow skate over Ringo’s shoe, as the other foot was already set up, and pushed him off the bench to skate. He was given the beginner setting and awkwardly moved about. It was rather demeaning, but the advertisement was quickly over and a new one began. Now the men were in a circus of some sort. They were still human thankfully, but we’re just background extras. The elephants were the show of the commercial, which was for Hefty rubbish bags. The large gray creatures emphasize the strength of the product, by tugging at the bags strings with their trunks. The ad was brief and soon the next marketing film began.
The pair were in separate scenes but they mirrored each other on the screen. They had taken on the roles of two small boys and each of them walk down the steps with their lunch. Then later you see the pair sitting together, each eating a sandwich. However, Ringo’s cheese sandwich, the announcer specifically pointed out, was made with Kraft American cheese. Where poor George had the less quality center, with a different product. Kraft was made of milk and the imitation product was made mostly of oil. Clearly that was bad! The commercial was wrapping up, when Dhani came in and quickly changed the channel. He hadn’t anticipated the commercials after DuckTales.
Now George and Ringo were on the Starship Enterprise. However, this wasn’t the same ship they were on in the 1960s, but it wasn’t the cartoon either. This was that new Star Trek, with an entirely new crew and later in the storyline. It was called the Next Generation and the Captain was a French man, played by a British actor named Patrick Stewart. However, the character was called Jean Luc Picard and from the episodes both men have seen this new Captain seemed most reasonable. The two musicians were confident that with the reasonable characters, and their advanced technology they would be home in no time. Unfortunately that plan was spoiled quite quickly.
A man appeared, wearing the modern Star Fleet garb, along with the Command color red, changing from gold from the previous generation of this series. The man had just showed up in front of them in a flash. He looked the pair over and shook his head.
“Oh no.” he told them softly, but firmly. Then suddenly in another flash they were in a different set all together. The background was gray and void of any structure. As light encompassed the two, while they stared off, being the only thing visible in their location. “who are you?” Asked the man’s voice from nowhere.
“Who are you!” Starr demanded to know, but then the ground shook beneath them and the pair fell.
“Answer my question.” The voice demanded forcefully.
“We are television travelers.” George answered, as he and his companion huddle together in fear. Then in another flash, that strange man was standing in front of them.
“Interesting.” He stated up close to his captives. “tell me more.” The threatening man insisted.
“We’re from the 1980s and in our realm, you and this show is a television series.” Harrison told the alien creature that looked human.
“Realm you say.” The man sneered. “that is an interesting choice of words.” He replied, then began to walk around them. “We Q have been around since the formation of this universe, and we know how it will end.” That’s when the team musicians recognize this character. He was the Q, a race of mortal beings that had superpowers but behave somewhat like spoiled children.
“Where we are from, you, along with the Enterprise are characters in a scientific series on earth, during the 20th century.” George explained. This seemed to only annoy the Q character, as he rolled his eyes.
“I find it difficult to believe that barbarians could come up with such a perfect race.” Q told them dismissively.
“Because you represent humanity exploring it’s own hubris.” Starr boldly noted. This seemed to only anger the all-powerful character, so Dhani changed the channel. The Q weren’t going to help them or let his father and friend commingle with the rest of the characters who would. Now the two British men found themselves in some kind of parlor again.
Through large glass windows they could see tropical plant life, meaning they were someplace warm. The furniture was made of wicker, with flowery cushioning. The house was neat, modern and well maintained. Then a short old woman came through a door that seemed to reveal a kitchen.
“You boy’s have a seat.” She told them. “Blanche and Dorothy will be ready soon.” The elderly lady then sat in the chair in front of the door she came out of. The men found themselves sitting on the couch. She looked the pair over before speaking again. “So, which one of you are dating my Dorothy?” George and Ringo were at a lost for words, until they realized, they we’re on the hit television show Golden Girls. The pair looked at each other in disbelief. Unlike John, neither of these men were really into older women. At least not more than ten years older. Blanche was played by Rue McClanahan and Dorothy by Bea Arthur. Both ladies were lovely in their hay day, but these men weren’t so eager to be with them now.
Seeing his father and uncle in an awkward situation, Dhani hit the switch, hoping for a better environment for them. He had no idea how to get the pair out, and that frightened him. He and his mother would have to man the television set around the clock if they had to. They would do anything for his dad! Watching the channel change, the little boy was relieved to find that the travelers were on another sitcom. No magical mummies or giant idiots, however they were on an American show the child was not familiar with.
George and Ringo were transported to a woman’s shoe store. It was nothing spectacular and it seemed that the shop existed in a mall. Then a man wearing a tie came out from the back room. He was middle aged and balding and he looked the pair over.
“Sorry I don’t break change for the bus.” The man told the pair visiting the establishment.
“Oh, we’re not here for that.” George assured. The middle-aged man just looked them over, then gave them a sarcastic smile.
“Well, if one or both of you want to try something on, we have a mirror in the back.” The rude salesmen suggested. The two television travelers were at loss for words when suddenly a fat woman walked into the shoe store.
“I need something to make me look thin.” She told the salesman.
“Have you tried only letting half of you stand in the view of the mirror?” he obnoxiously suggested. “then you can look like two thin people.” The shoe salesman rudely continued. It was no surprise that the woman became insulted and left.
“you know you might sell more shoes if you were nice to people.” Ringo told the shoe salesman.
“I’d have to care.” He simply responded. “But alsa, I’m “Married With Children.” Then with perfect timing, another woman came inside the shoe store. She had bright red-hair and looked lovely for a woman in her thirties. However, the salesman cringed when he saw her. “Peg!” he whined. “You know I don't like it when you bother me at work, or at home, and especially in bed!”
“Oh Al!” she called him. “I was just coming by to drop off your lunch.” The man’s demeanor changed slightly. He seemed to soften by this woman’s kindness.
“Why thank you Peg!” Al said sweetly. Then looking her over and seeing she was only carrying her purse. “where is it?”
“ I forgot it at home.” Peg plainly told him. This immediately led to Al displaying a rather disappointed face. “Oh, don’t give me that look. I left a note for Bud to bring it to you.”
“How could you leave a note if you left it by accident?” George asked her. Caught in a lie, Peggy Bundy came up with an excuse
“My horoscope,” She answered seriously. “It said I would forget something, and well I did.” The redhead smiled, “it’s a good thing I thought ahead.” then she stuck out her hand as she turned to Al. “Now give me money.” Her husband just sighed and handed his ungrateful wife twenty bucks and she turn and left.
“Why did you give her money? “ Ringo wanted to know.
“Because if I don’t satisfy her shopping needs,” Al explained. “She expects me to fulfill other needs.”
“So?” George replied, not seeing sleeping with ones wife a big deal.
“She expect me to do it with her.” The man cringed. Then another person came into the shoe store. It was a dark haired man wearing a gray business suit.
“Hey Al.” the man said to the salesman, ignoring the two other men.
“What do you want Steve?” Al asked his next-door neighbor, seemly unimpressed with his presence.
“Well,” Steve began checking his watch. “Marcy was away last night, so I invited those new friends we met at the bar to come over to play poker.”
“You mean the biker gang?” The sarcastic man remarked.
“Yeah, well… “ the man stated scratching his head. “ they did do some damage to our front lawn.”
“Why are you telling me this Steve? “ Al just wanted him to get out with it.
“Well, naturally Marcy is going to blame you for it.” The neighbor explained.
“Why Steve? “ the burnt out man inquired.
“Well, because she’s more likely to believe that than that her husband brought over a biker game to our house to play poker.” Steve smugly smiled as he relayed this factor. Al just had the same disgruntled look as he had this entire scene.
“You’re a real weenie Steve.” The shoe salesman remarked.
“Yeah, well expect a visit from Marcy, around her lunch break.” The man in the suit stated, while he checked his watch again. “Which is in fifteen minutes.” He approached the door only to find his wife Marcy, entering the establishment.
“Steve, what are you doing here?” Marcy immediately inquired. She was dressed in a business suit for a lady, with a short skirt and high heels.
“I was just giving Al piece of my mind.” he said lying. His wife instantly believed him.
“Good.” She replied pleased. “Stay here with me while I give that gorilla a piece of my mind too!”
“Yeah, well at least I’m a primate and not a chicken.” Al told the hostile woman.
“Al Bundy!” Marcy snapped, with her hands on her hips and her legs apart. Shit she really did resemble poultry. “How dare you drive across our lawn like that!” She cried out in anger. Al didn’t answer, so she continued with her list of outrage. “Only you would use our petunias as a bathroom!” then the short woman looked her neighbor over. “but to tie Steve up in my mothers wedding dress and to leave him in that position on the table, “ she shook her head. “That’s just sick!” Al just cracked a smile as Marcy turned to leave. “Come on Steve,” the wife said to her husband. “I took the rest of the afternoon off. Let’s put you back the way I found you.” Then Marcy dragged a reluctance Steve out of the business.
“Jeeze,” Ringo stated. “You can’t catch a break.”
“Except my balls.” Al snarked, then looking out the front window, he saw a teenage boy approaching the door. “Here comes another ball breaker now.” The man sneered as the lad passed the threshold of the establishment and approached the disgruntled husband, neighbor, and now father could be added to that list.
“Hey dad!” the youth called to his father half way across the room.
“Why are you here?“ The salesman asked his son.
“I came to bring you, your lunch.” The teenager explained. However, it was obvious he wasn't carrying anything.
“Where is it?” the working parent inquired.
“I forgot it.” the son shrugged. “But don’t worry.” He assured. “I left Kelly a note. I made sure it was all in pictures, so she could read it.” He was giggling.
“Bud,” Al began. “Why are you here?”
“Can I have some money?” The boy had the audacity to ask. However, the father gave his son ten dollars, which caused the son to smile.
“Thanks dad.” Bud said as he left the store.
“Such a grateful child!” Starr sarcastically observed.
“Why on earth did you give him money Al?” Harrison inquired.
“I pay them to leave.” The minimum wage worker replied. Then suddenly a beautiful black woman entered the store, wearing a sexy yellow dress. She was absolutely gorgeous.
“Hi,” she began. “I’m looking for some shoes.” The woman had a seductive voice and she was definitely playing up her good looks.
“Right this way.” Al said kindly. Unlike the previous customer, the shoe salesman went out of his way to give her the nicest chair and every shoe she asked for. The beautiful woman took full advantage and at the end, Al ended up paying for her purchase. She tickled his chin with her white painted nail and then took off with a hundred dollars worth of free stuff.
“You’re a terrible salesman.” George stated after the girl left.
“I know.” The foolish man admitted. “But if I don’t spend my money on beautiful women like that, and at the Nudey Bar, my wife and kids will.” Then another beautiful woman entered the shop. She was young, in shape and blonde, but clearly wasn’t being displayed as a sexual lure to the main character. The girl didn't enter very gracefully, like the lady before. She rushed inside the shop, while wearing cut up denim trousers and a T-shirt representing a fake heavy metal band.
“Daddy.” She said like a child, as she scurried over to her father in a hurry. “I came as soon as I read the note Bud left me.” It was a hilarious cartoon of a brown paper bag on a table and then another picture next to it on the same page of Al starving to death in the shoe store.
“where’s my lunch?” the father asked, already knowing the answer. The girls’ eyes widened as she realized her error.
“Oh no I left it at home!” the blonde suddenly realized.
“Did you leave a note for Buck? “ Al inquired sarcastically. Buck was the Bundy family dog, both George and Ringo would later find out, because after today, they became avid watchers of “Married With Children.”
“I forgot!” she confessed. “I’ll run home right now and do that.” The father of the dimwitted simpleton nodded his head.
“Yeah, you go do that pumpkin.” Al agreed supportively. Then the girl ran out of the store only to turn around and come back in.
“Daddy,” she whined. “Can I have some money?” While the sitcom played out in the nine-year-olds room, a knock struck the door and again the barrier open. Dhani’s other parent Olivia had returned from her trip to the store. She first wanted to address her son; but found her attention on the television set. Married With Children had adult humor and scantically dressed women. Immediately she took the remote control from her son’s hand and turned off the television set. The boy was horrified. He had no idea what this meant for his dad and uncle.
“I don’t want you watching that program.” Missus Harrison told her child. “Go find your father and Uncle Rich .” she told him. “Barbara and I brought dinner.” Unable to think of anything else to say and just wanting to get her out of the room, Dhani nodded and she left. Right after, George and Ringo appeared in front of the television set, free from the airwaves.
“Dad!” the child cried, as he embraced his father. Ringo walked over to the bed and picked up the remote control.
“Return home, the same way as you did before” Starr quoted the Trash Heap.
“By turning off the telly.” George followed.
“That’s what Endora was about to tell us.” The drummer brought up their first adventure through the airwaves in the 1960s.
“Dhani,” the older Harrison clasped both of his child’s cheeks with his warm palms. “If something like that ever happens again, turn off the television set.”
“Even if you’re on the Playboy channel? “ The junior Harrison reflected his father’s humor. This made both adults laugh.
“You are definitely my son.” The father proudly admitted. Then the three exited the bedroom, to meet up with the women. After they left, the television turned on by some unseen force. The game show Jeopardy was playing. Alex Trebek was welcoming the people at home back from a commercial break.
“Mab,” the game show host called on the next contestant. “Its your turn to pick the category.”
“I’ll take the Beatles for 500.” The dark-haired woman replied. If George Harrison had remained in the room, he would have recognized her from a dream he once had. A rather disturbing nightly vision he had at Barry’s cabin in the woods. It was when he and John Lennon were patching things up between them. This exact woman showed up in the youngest Beatles dream and transformed into Ringo Starr. Since then, she has randomly appeared to the lead guitarist, mostly when he orgasms.
“The subject is the Beatles.” Mister Trebek began. “When will George and Ringo return to the airwaves again?” he asked.
“What is the 1990’s?” she answered in a form of a question, and with a smile into the camera. The blue screen revealed that exact answer.
“You are correct!” the host of Jeopardy declared. Then the television turned itself off and it remained so, for now.
Notes:
Sesame Workshop
Sesame Street
Character Big Bird is mention, along with the name of the street and Mister Hooper’s store.Home Shopping Network
Salad chopper generically mentioned.Harpo Productions
The Oprah Winfrey Show
Mentioned.Hasbro
GI Joe mentioned. More you know segment briefly describes.
Transformers first generation, season one, episode “Fire in the sky.” The beginning scenes of this episode were described as the characters traveled through it. I make no claimer ownership to this particular storyline.Marvel Productions
Spiderman and Friends 1981
Characters briefly mentioned in a scene I created.Iconix Brand Group
Strawberry Shortcake
The show and its iconic character are briefly described.Warner Bros
Full House
Set of the show is lightly described and the character Michelle is mentioned and uses her catchphrase, “you got it dude!”ThunderCats
I used Mumm-Ra’s chant and description verbatim of how the cartoon always portrayed it. I did it through the Starrison’s perspective. This of course is a homage to a show I grew up with and loved. I make no claim whatsoever that this was my creation.Sony Pictures Production
Wheel of Fortune
Brief scene.Sony’s Pictures Television
Married With Children
I created a scene using Al Bundy as the main character, a storyline that I do believe I created however I have not seen every single episode so if my storyline is at all similar or the same as a Married with Children episode, I'm not aware of please let me know. I currently do not have access to the show. Characters that I use include, unnamed fat woman, Peggy Bundy, Steve Rhodes, Marcy Rhodes, unnamed attractive woman and Kelly Bundy.
I also feel I owe the writers full credit for the line “A fat woman walked into the shoe store… “ I use that as a cliché of the show’s essence and of course my absolute love and appreciation of it’s incredible humor.
The joke to the fat woman I believe is mine however I cannot say for sure because I have seen the show so much since I was a little kid so if I have subconsciously pick it up, please let me know and I will gladly give full credit. It was just the first thing that popped into my head to be honest.Viacom
Garfield and Friends cartoon
Created by Jim Davis
The Episode “Maine Course,” season two was described through the perspective of the two characters who took over the Garfield and Friends character Jon Arbuckle. I do not make any claim or ownership to this particular storyline.Jim Henson Company
Fraggle Rock
I mention and describe most of the main characters, including Gobo, Wimbley, Red, Mokey, the Trash Heap, the two Muppets that hang out with the Trash Heap and Junior Gorg. I stayed true to the characters personalities and their jobs that were assigned by the shows writers. I also do mention Junior Gorg’s mother and father, and Uncle Traveling Matt. I used a common storyline within the show for continuity with Mokey, gathering radishes and visit to the Trash Heap. Mokey does tie Juniors shoes together which was also something that was done in the show for a different episode. However, I came up with the dialogue and the situation.Nickelodeon
You can’t do that on television
The characters are briefly on the show only long enough to be slimed, no characters from the show are mentioned.Disney
DuckTales
I used both characters represent Scrooge McDuck and the three nephews Huey, Dewey and Louie, along with Abigail are prominent in the brief skit. Scrooge Mcduck’s money swimming is mentioned.Paramount Domestic Television
Star Trek: Next Generation
The character Q is used in the brief scene. I created his dialogue but I claim no ownership of the character or anything to do with the Next Generation of Star Trek.
Buena Vista
Golden Girls
I had the characters describe the set in their heads and they had a brief encounter with the character Sophia. Blanche and Dorothy are mentioned.Movie mentioned but not used
Aliens and Invasion from Mars
Commercials
Dunkin' donuts
Smurfs brand for a 1-900 number
Freddy Krueger for a 1-900 number
McGruff ant drugs campaign
Fisher-Price roller skates
Hefty trash bags
Kraft American cheese
Chapter 4: Welcome to the 90s!
Summary:
It's 1999! The final year of the 20th century, and George and Ringo mistaken, if they believe they are through with being trapped within the television airways.
Beatles Halloween Challenge 2023
Day 2 Team up with a cartoon character.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
1999 Somewhere U. S. A.
“Why did we come here?” Ringo Starr asked his former bandmate George Harrison, as the pair leaned over the protective fence at some two story mall, in the middle of the USA.
“I really don’t know.” The youngest ex Beatle admitted, dazing confused over the food court of the indoor city of shops below. “I’ve been having the strangest dreams lately.”
“Dreams of an owl and a black cat?” Starr inquired for comparison to his own wild nightly adventures.
“I see a fox, instead of a cat.” Harrison replied, turning around from the ledge which revealed the lower floor. His eyes fixated on the “Hot Topic” store, that they were closest to. Then the Britain gazed over to another shop called “the Wall,” was next door, showing the early signs of closing for good, as the music store struggled to stay afloat, after Napster on the internet offered downloaded music for free. This new access to their art was causing panic and chaos within their industry.
“I wonder what it all means?” Inquired the smaller man, as the two wandered down the large building, towards one of the department stores at the end. Both men were scheduled for completely different obligations, in different cities. George was in Chicago, and Ringo had arrangements to stay in one of the apartments at the Dakota building in New York City, but both musicians felt compelled to drive to this mall, somewhere unknown.
It was wild happening upon each other, in such a random space, even though there have been no communication between the pair. Yet the former bandmates were not surprised to see each other. It was as if they were expecting this unintentional meeting between them. The fates must have weaved the old friends back together, and they just knew to fall in line.
“Do you know where we’re going?” Harrison asked his companion, as they aimlessly walked oblivious to where they were traveling towards, yet felt they needed to be somewhere.
“No idea.” Starr confessed, moving in a straight line. “I just know it’s this way.” He said as the drummer pointed in front of himself, and the two marched on. The mall wasn’t very crowded for mid day during the work week. The famous men kept their heads down, and focused on whatever it was that was driving them towards this section of the over sized establishment. Together they passed many shops, and some young people, who didn't pay them any mind. Aimlessly, yet on a path, George and Ringo kept on with their travels, with no idea where the hell they were going, or why.
Side by side, the pair walked the length of the mall, and found themselves at the Sears department store. It was the second floor of the large business that been around for more than a hundred years. Whatever forced brought the two men here, led them to the appliance section of the shop. Rows of kitchen stoves, refrigerators, and dishwashers, all with that black mirrored style that was popular, created reflective aisles to walk through. Neither man was shopping, so they didn’t linger, and simply walked through the section, without being noticed.
Now the pair entered the electronic department of the Sears establishment. The scent of speakers was a familiar smell to the musicians, as they passed by these items in an array of sizes. Again they weren’t shopping, or looking around, yet they couldn't explain why they were here! Still the mem carried on, passing stereos, cameras, video recorders, computers taking up a large section, and cellular phones, now smaller and more affordable. All three surviving Beatles all had cell phones now, and got rid of their car phones, and now landlines were diminishing.
Next they saw rows of VCRs, going as low as twenty dollars in price. These men paid hundred’s of dollars to get their hands on this new technology, twenty years ago! Now DVD players were the norm, and everything was converting to that medium. Then the men approached the television section, where boxes of every size were displayed around them. Tiny entertainment sets that ran on antennas to watch television in your RV, to huge theater size screens, literally referred as a home movie system, and everything in-between.
“I don’t like this.” George uttered, turning white. He recalled his adventures stuck in the television with his friend here, three times over. Neither gentleman wanted to go through the wild adventures through the airwaves again! Before the two of them, in mute, was the tower of televisions standing as high as the wall, big enough to consume the pair. The different plastic boxes were on different stations, with some of the screens displaying the caption feature, so you could read the soundless programs playing from the silent televisions.
“Me neither!” Ringo agreed, finding himself staring at a large screen with the current American president, Bill Clinton silently speaking at the podium. “I’m scared. This doesn’t feel right.”
“Why don’t we run away then?” the taller man wanted to know, as voices faces from different programs mindlessly chattered in the muteness of the madness that seemed inevitable. Then the pair heard someone coming, and quickly ducted behind a display of fancy remote controls. Peeking from behind the barrier, George and Ringo saw two young men walking across the wall of idiot boxes. They wore the Sears uniform of a blue dress shirt, as each man viewed the soundless entertainment, from the noiseless windows.
“Now there isn’t a lot you need to do in the television area.” One of the men was explaining to the other. “Make sure the rug is vacuumed, and everything is dusted. The channels change automatically, through a random time setting. Each station could be on from anywhere between five to fifteen minutes. It draws customer’s in, if they see a show they like and think they can watch it.” Then the pair moved on, to the stockroom, and the men with notoriety we’re safe to come out.
“That was close.” Ringo noted, realizing they could have been recognized. George nodded as he looked around to make sure they were alone.
“We should get out of here.” Harrison asserted, and the pair turned abruptly to leave the area, when they discovered two women standing before them. The musicians stood in shock, because these women could not be real! Both of the ladies in their presence were thought to be the product of drug induced dreams. Now these women were in the real world, and the men couldn’t fathom how this was possible.
Yet, here they were, with one lady being taller than the other. The shorter woman was petite, maybe five feet, with dark black hair and brown eyes. Harrison had seen this woman in a dream at his friend Barry’s cabin, a long time ago, with the now departed John Lennon. This woman turned into no other than Ringo Starr during this nightly vision. It was a very peculiar dream, which always confused the lead guitarist.
Ringo also had seen the dark haired lady, wearing the same leather vest with no shirt and leather pants. She appeared to the drummer in the 1970s, during one of his intoxicated episodes. This strange fairy like creature kept him warm outdoors, during a cold night, and turned into a black cat. Just over a decade being sober Ringo Starr never thought he’d see the raven haired pixy who called herself Chaos, Mischief and Mab, again. Yes, Mab, the name she claimed Shakespeare gave her.
The woman beside the transforming Mab, was quite different looking. She was taller, around five seven in height, with longer hair, which was curly and lighter than her companion. This other woman wore light brown boots that ended below her knee, a beige suede wrap around skirt with long fringe, which cover her lower half. The lady’s shirt was a crocheted white tank top, covering half of her torso revealing a flat stomach. In this earthy style, the long haired woman was finished with a light brown jacket, matching her boots. Ringo had seen this taller lady before as well, but only in a dream. A strange dream that was more like a nightmare, where he and this woman had the “wrong” sex organs, but still the pair proceeded to make love. Yet this dream foretold the affair between his two lovers at the time, George and Maureen, Starr never expected to see this woman in person. George was also acquainted with this woman. However, that was at a music store, which attracted him with instruments into its magical doors. There the lead guitarist found a ukulele that made people admit to very strange things.
“Persephone,” George addressed her, and she smiled, looking lovely despite her menacing ways. She hadn’t aged a day from more than thirty years ago. Not a wrinkle in her face, or a line of gray in her brown spirally curly hair.
“Very good.” Persephone replied, with a large grin, showing off her straight white teeth.
“Do you remember my name?” The petite woman asked Ringo, standing beside Harrison.
“Mab.” He immediately answered.
“Very good.” Mab responded, along with a mischievous smile.
“What do you want?” Ringo asked, trying not to sound shaken. There was something unnatural about these women. Something that didn’t come from their world.
“Richard,” the petite woman responded. “you both already know why you’re here.”
“To go back into the telly?” George now spoke.
“Of course.” Persephone smiled.
“Why?” Starr wanted to know. “What is the purpose to this to us?” Then Persephone pulled out a remote control from her leather jacket and pointed it at the two men, as if it were a weapon, because it was one. Knowing this, the two musicians step back together, their hands up, mid-level, as if they thought they might be arrested. Then like magic, because it most definitely was, the remote turned into a simple stick, as if cut from a branch.
“It amuses us.” Mab simply stated, and with that, a flash of lightening shot out from the stick, which transported the men into the television set. Then the two women, gazed upon one another and disappeared. Meanwhile George and Ringo were going through the familiar spiral of the airwaves, unaware where they would end up next.
On a Sony 30 inch set, stood three rows off the floor near the center of the display, began the silent beginning of the television court hearing, of Judge Judy. George found himself behind the defendants podium, where Ringo stood at the plaintiff position, with the identical small high-rise table. Then a court officer took his place at the center, just below the judges large desk.
“All rise for the honorable Judge Judith Sheindlin.” He announced to the entire room. Harrison and Starr stared at one another, on opposite sides of the court, frightened to even speak. Then a loud door opened, as the judge knew her cue, and soon a short brown haired woman marched from one side of the court to her podium. Then she first reviewed her paperwork, then looked the two men in her court over. Her face instantly scowled, and her thin lips were like a straight line, paralleling her flat jaw.
“This can’t be right.” Judge Judy stated to the clerk. “It say’s Brown, Pamela, verses Harper, Marie, over a dispute about a dog.” She gazed upon the two men before her. “Give me the rest of the files.” The judge demanded, while receiving a stack of brown folders. “Miller, Benjamin?” she said looking at Ringo, who shook his head. Then she turned to George. “This can’t be right!” the female judge acknowledged. “Miller is suing his ex girlfriend Phillips, Jennifer, for vandalizing his car.”
“I believe the last file might be two men.” The clerk suggested.
“Hayashi, Yoshi verses his brother Hayashi, Yuki for back rent from a shared apartment.” The woman in the black robe said as she read the files. “Are either of these your names?” she wanted to know. Both men shook their heads. This clearly aggravated the judge, causing the authority figure to violently tossed the files in a dramatic scene into the air, falling behind her podium. The woman then angrily stormed off set, clearly to yell at someone off camera. Meanwhile, the clerk swiftly announced the judges unscripted departure, and the unscheduled commercial break.
That’s when the scenery changed abruptly for George and Ringo, from inside of a court room set, to outside, standing in the middle of the street of New York City. In the black night sky above was overshadowed by all the lights of the grand location of Time Square. The two musicians were surrounded by trapped yellow cabs, in a wild gridlock creating a circle around the former Beatles. The men just stood there, with a small brown Chihuahua. The tiny dog was staring at full attention to a large screen atop a building, as if it were watching its favorite television program. Yet the video being played was just another commercial. This was for Taco Bell’s new “Grande Meal’s.” Which was just fast food, and rather unappetizing to the men of notability. The commercial, within the commercial gave you your options for the box special, flashing back and forth between the items being offered, then the dogs expression. Thankfully the commercial came to its end, but not without the small Chihuahua staring directly to the camera.
“Loco Grande!” it said, through the advanced technology of CGI, making the real animal appear to be speaking. Then the channel changed, more so, they were in a different television set. In a forty-three inch Fujitsu television the pair found themselves on a crude stage, with a live studio audience.
“It appears we’re on some kind of talk show.” George observed from his chair in the center of this two-step stage. Ringo was in the seat beside his bandmate, which were just simple black chairs. Then suddenly a gray haired man in glasses spoke at the top row of this small audience arena.
“Welcome back to the Jerry Springer show.” He said holding a microphone. “Today we'll discuss situations where men are more forgiving than women.” Jerry, the host explained the theme of the show. “Here we have George and Richard.” He began. “Two close friends, former coworkers and still good friends to this day.”
“Yes.” Ringo answered, scared to where this man was going with this line of questioning.
“However,” Mister Springer added. “Things weren’t always good between you. In fact, George, you did something awful to Richard here. Care to share what happened that nearly ruined your close friendship?” The talk show host inquired.
“No.” George bluntly answered, as the two men stared at one another, with the same shared dark memory between them. Back in 1975, Harrison had an affair with Ringo’s wife at the time, Maureen Cox Starkey, now Trigrett. This had been a devastating occurrence, that nearly broke their friendship for good! However, Jerry was right, the pair had made up and reconciled. The two men involved had matured in twenty-four years, and let go of the hurt of the past. Maureen sadly passed away since then, nearly five years ago already! The only one who held any resentment still, was George’s ex wife Patti, who figured the affair out. Patti never forgave Maureen, a rift these men were guilty of creating.
“You slept with Richards wife.” The gray haired man filled in, keeping his show going.
“That was a long time ago!” Starr came in his friends defense.
“Yes, I understand.” Jerry agreed. “But both of your ex wife’s are still angry about it, and mad with each other.” He further declared. “Meet Denise and Crystal!” and then two scrawny trailer trash women in short shorts and half shirts, leapt from opposite sides of the stage, and began rolling on the floor punching each other.
“You (bleep)!” said the bleach blond woman, with brown roots about three inches long from her scalp.
“I’ll kill you (bleep)! The other woman declared, rolling on top and yanking the blonde woman’s hair. This other woman’s head was nearly completely shaved, except for her bangs. Then security pulled the women apart, and forced them in chairs on opposite sides of the room.
“Now before we begin our questions,” the host of the crazy show began, as if he were the MC of a circus. “This young lady has a special announcement.” Standing from the audience next to Mister Springer, was a girl with bleach blond hair with distinct strands of black. The audience member wore heavy eye makeup, and glitter on her skin and lips.
“I want to earn my Jerry beads!” she declared, and pulled up her tank top, revealing her breasts. A censored box was immediately dispensed over the nudity for the viewers at home, but the audience and the people on stage saw the girls average size breasts, with metal studs through the nipples. Then the audience member pulled her shirt down and received her plastic necklace. Meanwhile, the crowd kept chanting “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!”
As the two British men stared in horror at the mad Americans, they were wildly absorbing the fact that this bloody country really had gone and lost its mind! Yet, outside the wall of televisions, in the Sears shop, was a pink television with Mickey Mouse ears, which represented his female counterpart Minnie Mouse. The small entertainment box geared for little girls, had a VHS player attached to the contraption. Despite the success of DVDs during this time, most people still bought children’s movies on tape, as they were less delicate for little hands to handle.
Snuggly inside the attached VCR was an episode from a Disney’s preschooler show, from their “Lunch Box” time slot called Adventures in Wonderland. The device was not only off, but unplugged, however, magically the screen lit up, and it began to play. Adventures in Wonderland was about a young girl named Alice, from the modern day of this time. In the beginning of every show Alice willfully walks through her mirror into the land of Wonderland. Here the modern girl had befriended all the characters, including the Queen of Hearts. The White Rabbit is the personal consort of the queen, and gets around by roller blading. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum are both rappers, but use age appropriate lyrics for the very young audience. Their clever rhymes are often geared towards the lesson of the episode . In many cases it was about getting along. Unfortunately, neither man had children young enough to watch this program, and everything was unfamiliar to them, in this strange wonderland.
George and Ringo went from seeing mutilated titties from the audience, to this fairytale land, neither had seen before. They were standing in front of an obvious cutout set of a house. It was yellow with exaggerated windows. In front of the British pair was a long rectangular banquet size table, with the setting for some type of colorful tea party.
“Hello there.” Said a sweet girls voice. Looking down the men saw a young girl, about twelve or thirteen years old. She had long blond hair, with the top tied back, revealing her pretty little face. “I’m Alice.” The child introduced herself politely. She wore light blue denim overalls, with a white blouse underneath.
“Hello Alice,” Ringo began to introduce himself, when two strange men walked onto the set. One man was obviously dressed as the mad hatter, in a purple suit and an exaggerated hat. The other man must have been the March Hare, obvious by the long earpiece and brown head covering, and bunny nose, and whiskers, prosthetically added to his face. Other than that, the man wore a brightly colored suit.
“Oh there you are, Alice.” The Mad Hatter fellow began, as he greeted the girl, but then looked over the two men in her company. “Who are they?” the blond haired man in the violet suit inquired.
“I was just about to find out.” Alice explained, with her American accent, despite the character being originally British. Then suddenly a man dressed as the white rabbit came rolling in with rollerblades. He wasn’t the most graceful on the pair of single row of wheels, as he stumbled on the little gate, before opening the small door, to roll into the outdoors space.
“White Rabbit!” the girl cried out in excitement.
“I have a message, from her Majesty the Queen of Hearts!” the new comer announced formally. “She expects all her subjects to be present when she shares something special which just arrived in the mail today.”
“We’ll certainly be there.” The March Hare agreed. Then the White Rabbit gazed over the two men who weren’t familiar to him.
“Who are they?” the nasally voice of the Queen servant inquired.
“They were just about to tell us.” Alice explained, when suddenly two men appeared, wearing matching clothes. The little girl instantly smiled upon seeing the pair. “Oh hi Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.” She happily announced.
“Did we miss the announcement?” asked the taller of the two men, who was Tweedle Dee.
“Yes.” Answered the White Rabbit. “However I’m still here.” He pointed out.
“The Queen wants us to be present when she shows us something she got in the mail.” The Mad Hatter explained, in a shorter sentence without the formalities.
“Great we’ll be there.” Tweedle Dum assured. Then the two brothers saw the two stranger’s.
“Is anyone going to introduce us to…” Tweedle Dee inquired, standing taller than his brother and looking over the strangers from the outside world.
“We were just about to find out…” the March Hare started to say, when he was quickly interrupted by the white rabbit.
“The Queen is coming!” the rabbit in roller blade’s declared. Within seconds, a woman in a flowing red dress appeared. To the British men’s surprise, the Queen of Hearts was a black woman. The mock royal approached with the exaggerated personality more than the formalities. A stark contrast from the real thing, as both of these men had the privilege of being in the presence of several monarchs, including their own countries.
The Queen was holding something in her hands, seemingly extra excited to share this item with her subjects. As the characters gathered around the fantasy monarch, George and Ringo were shuttered away to another television set.
“I’m sure you’re wondering why I summoned you all today.” The Queen began, as if she were talking to an audience of children. Because truth be told, she was. Then the March Hare raised his hand up from the crowd.
“Because you got something in the mail?” the man dressed as a hare answered, as if the queen was posing a question. The monarch just smiled, like a patient schoolmarm.
“Yes.” Her Royal Highness declared. “But I received two items in the mail.” She explained. “I received the greatest items that could ever come in to Wonderland.” Then she held up two CDs in their cases. “The Beatles Anthology one and two!” she announced, holding the two CD containers. The characters, beside the queen recognized the faces of two of the band members, and turned around to find them gone. Bedazzled, Alice, the Mad Hatter, March Hare, the white rabbit, and both of the Tweedles just looked at one another, unsure what to say. However the queen rectified that by talking. “When I was a young Queen, I was in love with no other than Ringo Starr.” she told her subjects excitedly. Again they all looked awkwardly at one another, as the queen clasped the two items in her hand. “I’m going to listen to these right now!” the Queen of Hearts told everyone excitedly, as she departed.
“Should we….” Alice began to ask.
“No!” Everyone else immediately answered.
Meanwhile George found himself at the wheel of a SUV that been in an accident.
“Rich?” Harrison tried to say, but no sound came out of his mouth, instead his words appeared as a caption before him. Gazing up, from what felt like being in a car wreck, George thought for a moment it was snowing outside the vehicle. Upon further review, he realized the specks falling from the sky was ash. There was a burning smell, and the television traveler wasn’t feeling cold. Instead he noticed as the dots became closer they appeared more flaky, and disappeared upon touching the ground, never gathering. Harrison studied himself in the rearview mirror, and viewed in his reflection, a cartoon depiction of himself. He was drawn realistically, but choppy for this well established medium of animation during this time. Something wasn’t right, the Britain thought while studying the falling substance. Then the former Beatle exited the car and wandered around in what appeared to be a ghost town. After walking fir what seemed like a long time, George saw something in the distance. Approaching the famous guitarist saw what first appear to be the back side of a man. Upon further examining the hairstyle, Harrison realized it was his fellow traveler, Ringo.
“Rich!” The lead guitarists called to the drummer, which surprised George, he actually could speak, even though the words he spoke appeared before him. Ringo jumped, but turned around and the pair were reunited.
“Where are we?’ Starr asked, looking around the dark and gloomy atmosphere.
“I don’t know.” Harrison confessed. “bit I think we’re in a video game of some sorts.” The one with a son who just turned twenty-one observed.
“This place seems haunted.” Ringo acknowledged, as they gazed about, unable to see far in front of them. Together they wandered, until they saw a gate and walked through it. The pair kept moving on and found themselves inside a dark building. Ringo lit his lighter and with that simple glow, the musicians discovered an over turned wheelchair. “What happened here?” Starr tried to say, but no noise escaped his mouth, but his question appeared as caption in front of the speaker. George just shook his head knowing he too would be muted if he spoke. As they traveled further, the two saw a knocked over Gurnee, laying on its side. The former Beatles huddled close, as this place became spookier.
“Is that blood?” came the caption words from George’s mouth. Starr just shrugged, and they continued. There was more blood splatters on the walls and floor, which terrified the two men. Then at the turn of the corner, they found what look to be some elaborate Halloween prop. It was a shriveled up body, hanging from the wall in a crucified position. The television travelers gawked in horror, and quickly turned away, only to see two more bodies like the poor soul on the wall, but were freely walking. George and Ringo would have screamed, but no noise came from their mouth, instead those things attack the television travelers, shoving blades in their stomachs. The former Beatles could do nothing, but hold each other as they each slowly lost consciousness.
Then suddenly both men awoke, and found themselves each on a different cushioned booth, in some sort of cafe. It might have been a nice place, but now tables were knocked over, and everything was a mess. Before the two could say a word, a blonde haired woman dressed as a police officer approached them.
“Where are we?” Ringo immediately asked the officer.
“You are in Silent Hill.” The woman told the pair forwardly. “My name is Cybil Bennett. I’m from Brahms, the town over.” She explained.
“Would you get us out of here?” George then pleaded.
“I can’t.” Cybill answered. She gave no reason, and the men just accepted her no.
“What happened here?” Starr then asked.
“I don’t know.” Cybil answered. “You’re the only people I’ve seen here. I’m going to go get back up.” Then she handed George her gun. “Take this, but only shoot when you know who you are shooting at. I don’t want you to shoot me.” Harrison accepted the weapon, and then the police officer simply left. With no other option, the television travelers explored the cafe, and conveniently found a map of the town of Silent Hill. A red glowing dot marked their location.
“We must be in a video game.” Ringo finally blurted out. But now his words were back to caption on the screen.
“I know.” George replied with the letters of his words right in front of him. “My son plays this game.” He elaborated, while secretly wishing he had at least sat in with Dhani, when the twenty-one year old was playing this particular video game. George preferred racing cars than the movie like storyline.
“We should probably take this knife.” Ringo noted, finding the sharp object on the eating counter.
“Good idea.” Harrison agreed. “What’s that bottle next to it?” he pointed to a brown container with an orange lid.
“It says health.” Starr read the label, as well as their conversation.
“Better snatch that up as well.” The taller man agreed through the words on the screen. Then without warning two large winged creatures broke through the glass, chasing after the two television travelers. Ringo tried to scream, but it didn’t even appear in the caption. Soon the drummer was knocked to the floor, but George couldn’t do much for his friend, as one of those flying things were going after him, clawing at his face. Quickly George pulled out his gun the female police officer gave him, but the winged creature attacked his hand, nearly causing the weapon to fall from the lead guitarists grip. Yet Harrison held firm, and with two hands, released the bullet into that things head. However, one shot wasn’t enough, so George shot the creature a second time, getting it in the wing, and the final blow with a third bullet In the chest. The creature fell and landed on the floor.
Immediately George turned the gun on the wild beast attacking Ringo, and successfully shot the bastard in the back. The wing monster then turned sharply at George to flair at him, but Harrison struck it’s arm, then a bullet was released in the monsters head. As soon as the flying creature was down, the lead guitarists immediately went to the drummers aid. Ringo was bleeding, with a large gapping wound in his chest. It looks serious and George was panicked.
“I need to go to hospital.” Starr uttered, as he was being held by George.
“I don’t think theres a doctor near by.” Harrison stated, staring at Ringo’s injury. “Wait, where is that bottle you found?”
“In me pocket.” The wounded man said, pointing towards his pants. Instantly George shoved his hand in each of Starr’s front pants pockets, and found the bottle in the second one. Opening the container, Harrison fed the contents to his friend, who drank it without question. Then suddenly the large wound faded away, not even leaving a scar. Right after the wound was healed, Ringo’s clothes magically repaired themselves, as if the smaller man had never been attacked.
“How do you feel?” George asked, as he help Ringo to his feet.
“I’m okay.” He admitted, then the two mutually embraced. Outside the Samsung television connected to the PlayStation one, were Mab and Persephone, each with a controller from the consult in hand, lounging on the leather chairs.
“Shall we continue this game?” Persephone asked turning to face Mab. “Or move them?”
“I think it’s time to change the channel” the darker haired woman decided, and with that, the two women disappeared and the television screen went black. Meanwhile, George and Ringo heard a “chung-chung” sort of noise, and the two former Beatles went from the dismal eating establishment, to the outside streets of New York City. The two men had been hugging still when they were suddenly transported to this new show or movie.
“Get a room you two!” yelled a man’s raspy voice, with a Brooklyn accent. Turning abruptly the pair saw a balding fat man, manning a hotdog cart. “This ain’t the village!” the man further scolded.
“Sorry sir.” George apologized, feeling embarrassed.
“Why are you picking on them?” asked a tall young black man, wearing jogging attire, who over heard the conversation. “They aren’t hurting no one. You wouldn’t say anything if they were a man and a woman.”
“Well they ain’t no woman, nor man neither. “ the hotdog attendant sneered. “Just two pansies driving away business! No one wants to see that!’ Then turning to the jogger who interjected on the television travelers behalf. “Mind your own business!” he directly dismissed.
“Make me!” the younger man stated, standing tall, ready to fight. Then without warning, shots were fired, and the arguing pair both ducted. The shots were coming across the street, where there was a basket ball court. A man in an orange hoodie and baggy blue denim trousers could be seen running out of the fenced yard. Tragically on the ground of the painted outdoor matts, was a man in what appeared to be a red T-shirt and dark blue shorts. However, George and Ringo realized the shirt was stained with blood, with two bullet holes in the young man’s chest. Then the “chung-chung” noise came again, and the introduction of the television drama, “Law and Order: SVU, played across the screen in black and white still photographs of the cast. Neither George or Ringo appeared in the beginning credits, but once they were over, George found himself apart from his friend and talking to a tall man with black hair, and a business suit.
“Now you said you didn’t see the shooting?” Asked the plain clothed detective.
“No.” George answered, gazing across from Ringo, talking to the female officer, played by Mariska Hargitay, the late Jayne Mansfield’s daughter.
“You said you saw someone in a bright orange hoodie.” The female detective was questioning Ringo, separated from his friend.
“Yes.” Ringo said to the character being played by the adult daughter of an old departed friend. The character Detective Olivia Benson, quickly picked up on the man’s strange reaction to her.
“Are you alright sir?” she inquired.
“I am.” Starr assured. “You just look like someone I know.” He then gave the character a warm look, while the Gurnee with the dead body in a black bag was placed in the back of the ambulance.
“Officer’s!” The raspy voice of the hotdog vendor called out. He had been questioned by a uniformed officer, but interrupted the detective several feet away. Elliot Stabler, who had been talking to George approached the vendor, who claimed to had seen nothing, only the sound of the shots firing.
“What can I do for you sir.” The male detective asked politely.
“This neighborhood has gone to shit, and what are you all going to do about it?” the elder man criticized. “We got shootings in the park, dealers on every corner, and those two fags making out like they’re in a parade.’ The man with a Brooklyn accent indicated the pair of British men. Hearing the homophobic statement from the vendor, Stabler blinked his eyes first, to absorbed what he had just heard.
“We have up patrols in this area, to combat the drugs and violence.” Detective Stabler patiently explained, then turned away, to return to the British man he was questioning.
“Yeah, but what about them fags?” the raspy voiced man insisted. “These fruits, hugging, kissing and feeling each other up right here on the streets! Aren’t their decency laws against that!”
“A mans been shot.” the black jogger suddenly appeared, having talked to another officer. “and you’re still harping over that couple, just sharing a hug. Hell they might not even be gay.”
“We’re not.” Starr called out.
“Oh I don’t by that.” The hotdog vendor sneered. “I can hear your fruity accents!”
“Their British.” Detective Stabler informed the rude man, in which George and Ringo nodded. Then a commercial break began, after a shot of the old man’s face, realizing his stupidity. Now George and Ringo were in a large room, filled with small children, playing with toys. A voice over could be heard, advertising for KB Toys dot com. It introduced a new set of toys for toddlers and preschoolers, called the musical trio. Only available online, of course. In the room a little girl played with a karaoke machine, but her voice was never heard. A little boy was manning the toy drums, doing an outrageous drumroll, which was obviously special effects. Another male child was playing with the toy keyboard, with the special effects making it appear the child was playing an actual song.
It was cute for kids, but the actual musicians were eager to leave. Fortunately the pair were transported to a bowling alley, where both were dressed to play the game. Ringo approached the aisle with the heavy ball in hand ready to make a shot, until a beautiful blonde woman began talking about men’s knowledge about periods. This caused the drummer to drop the ball, as the woman successfully hit a strike, while peddling Midol, over regular pain relievers. It was rather awkward for the television travelers. Especially when the voice over stated…
“Midol,” the unseen feminine sound began. “because your period is more than a pain.” Then the woman sat down next to George, rubbing her bare feet.
“It must be the rented shoes.” She said to the Beatle, about her success at the game. Soon the scenery changed again. George and Ringo were in a semi truck. Starr was driving, wearing a Budweiser’s cap upon his head, as the pair drove down a road through a wooded area. When suddenly one of the tall trees fell in front of the truck. Ringo applied the brakes immediately and fortunately it stopped. Looking out the window, the two musicians could see a beaver was responsible for the blockage.
Then an army of the dam building creatures appeared on all sides, cutting trees in an organized wall around the vehicle. Unable to move, the men could hear the back of the truck open, and saw the cases of the American beer being tossed out to the masses of brown furry animals, who carried the beer with their tails. Before the television travelers could blink, they we're staring at a book of Beaver mugshots with a comical cop.
“Naughty little beaver’s.” The officer said shaking his head. As soon as the sentence finished, the two former Beatles were in a diner of some sorts. There was an eating counter with booths, but the pair were with some extras at a table.
“What show is this?” George asked, when an old man and adorable little curly hair girl, entered the establishment. The pair walked over to the eating counter, not far from where the two musicians were sitting.
“What would you like?” the male server asked. He was a big, bulky man, wearing a white uniform.
“Pepsi please.” She ordered sweetly. The man just smiled, and leaned over the child.
“Sorry we only have Coke.” The server informed the girl.
“Now you’ve done it.” the old man by the little girl's side gasped.
“You're sorry.” Joe's Pesci’s voice protruded from the little girl’s mouth. “Not half as sorry as you’re gonna be.” The child said sounding like a gangster. “I ordered a Pepsi pal.”
“She’s got a mind of her own.” The elderly man added.
“What’s with this guy!” Joe Pesci’s voice asked the two Beatles sitting in the booth, trying to avoid this spectacle.
“Look,” the sever began. “I thought… “ was all he could utter before Joe Pesci’s voice interrupted him.
“You thought?” the child sounding like a mobster started her own rant. “What you really thought I-don’t-know the difference between a Pepsi and a Coke.” Then someone gave the little girl a blue can of Pepsi.
“Here’s your Pepsi.” The other server who received the other brand of soda told the child.
“Thank you.” Said the little girl, in her sweet innocent voice. Then like magic, a straw appeared in the can and the little girl took a sip.
“Mmm…” the child’s voice moaned.
“Kid’s say the darndest things.” The grandfather figure besides the child added. Then the little girl turn to look at the two former Beatles.
“What are you looking at?” Joe Pesci’s voice returned for the final line. As the commercial ended, the men trapped in the television airways, moved to a JVC set, playing children’s programing. Both former Beatles found they were cartoons again. They were in a park like setting, with sidewalks and trees. Then suddenly three little strange creatures appeared, literally bouncing onto the scene. These creatures were not quite human, but not an animal either. Their bodies were black, their faces white, with red oval shaped noses. They had long ears on top of their heads, and tails sticking out their bums. The taller of the three appeared to be male, wearing no shirt, but long brown trousers held up by a belt. The second creature was much smaller, wearing a red cap, and a blue long sleeve shirt. The third character was female, with no shirt or breasts, but a pink skirt, and a yellow flower holding her two long ears together.
“Who are you?” Ringo asked the strange trio.
“We’re the Warner Brothers.” The two males answered in unison.
“And the Warner Sister.” The female added in.
“I’m Yakko!” the taller one without a shirt formerly introduced himself.
“I’m Wakko!” the other said, with an English accent.
“And I’m cute!” the girl character declared, as she kissed George, covering his entire face with her mouth. Right after the assault, the petite female of the three leapt down from the Beatles arms.
“You’re just in time, because it’s that time, again!” The one called Yakko then announced.
“To wonder what future generations will think about our adult humor in children’s programming?” Wakko guessed.
“To question our very existence as animated characters?” the female who called herself, “cute,” followed up with her suggestion.
“No.” the taller of the three replied. “It’s time to learn today’s lesson.” He continued. “And to find out what it is, we turned to, “The Wheel of Morality.”” Yakko elaborated, as a flat wheel, slid to his side. Then spinning what looked to be a gameshow wheel, the strange characters began to chant. “ Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn, tell us the lessons we should learn.” Then the wheel landed on the number four, and a little piece of paper printed from the spinning device. “And the moral of today’s story is…” the Warner Brother began, reading from the paper he tore from its printer. “Enjoy your time together through the airwaves, because soon you two will forever be parted.” The strange creature related, then scratched his head confused.
“That didn’t sound very funny.” The girl character acknowledged.
“Let’s just go to the next cartoon!” Wakko suggested, which cut immediately to another cartoon. Together, George and Ringo were inside a cage, with two white mice. The pair appeared to be in a laboratory of some sorts. In shock, the television travelers watched as one of the mics was playfully running in its little exercise wheel.
“So what are we going to do tonight, Brain?” the taller mouse asked, as he worked out
“The same thing we do every night!” the mouse with the large head began. “Try to take over the world!” Then the introduction song followed, sounding melancholy, as it described the life of the two characters, who were laboratory mice. When the music stopped, the two Beatles discovered they were mice themselves. This was similar to their experience in the airwaves during the 1960s, but they were trapped in a “Tom and Jerry” picture back then. Thankfully there didn’t seem to be a cat anywhere in sight!
“Why do you want to take over the world?” Ringo inquired.
“Because I know I would be a better leader.” Brain answered promptly.
“That’s what they all say.” George quickly dismissed. This caused the Brain mouse to raise an eyebrow. He wasn’t accustomed to being challenged.
“He’s got a point Brain.” The taller mouse acknowledged. “Why should you be the one to rule the world?” he followed, still sounding like a simpleton.
“You can’t say humans are doing a good job!” the big head animal declared. “As leader, I will handle the world’s needs better than our primate counterparts.”
“How?” Starr wanted to know.
“Well for starters, I would make sure no one was without cheese!” Brain told his interrogators.
“Oh that’s a great idea!” Pinky agreed while clapping his hands.
“Not everyone likes cheese.” Harrison noted.
“Really?” the taller rodent asked surprised. “I hadn’t thought about that.”
“So what do you really have to offer, as ruler of the world?” George wanted to know.
“Well I could….” Brain began, but found he couldn’t complete that sentence.
“So you’ve spent all this time trying to take over the world, you haven’t formed a reason to do it in the first place.” Ringo summarized. This caused the large headed mouse’s eyes to bulge from his head. The white rodent turned away abruptly, clearly troubled by these questions. As the Brain pondered, the two Beatles were zapped to another channel, right in front of the dim witted Pinky.
“Ah… Brain… “ Pinky called out in surprise of the disappearance of the other two mice.
“Not now Pinky!” the shorter mouse dismissed. “I have a lot to ponder tonight!”
“Why?” the less intelligent creature inquired. “What are we gonna do tonight Brain?” he humbly wanted to know.
“Sort of the same thing we do every night!” The Brain started to say. “Try and figure out why we should take over the world!” Meanwhile, the television travelers were going through another spiral, until they found themselves as cartoons again. They were drawn crudely, and the background seemed simplistic, and unimportant to the storyline.
“Where are we now?’ George asked, as his mouth open strangely for the words he was saying. Harrison wasn’t expecting an answer, but was sort of given one.
“Peeka…” said a little squeaky voice. The two musicians glanced behind them, and saw nothing. Then to each of their sides, but no one was there. “Pikachu!” the little voice came again, only now the pair knew to look down. At their feet, was a strange looking yellow creature, with black eyes, pointed ears and tail, and red cheeks. It sort of looked like a cross between a bunny and a cat. “Pikachu!’ The thing repeated.
“What the hell is that?” Ringo asked, not sure if the creature was at all dangerous. Neither man recognized the Pokémon, or the animated world they were in.
“No idea.” George admitted, bending over to study the creature. He ended up petting it. “It’s kinda cute though.”
“Pikachu!” the yellow animal replied, As It seemed to enjoy the strokes caressing it from its head to its back, causing its lightning bolt shaped tail to stand straight up.
“Well at least whatever it is,” Starr began, as he petted the creature like a dog. “at least it’s friendly.”
“Pikachu!” the little creature repeated. Unbeknownst to the musicians, this little Pokémon was literally telling them his name, but neither of these men understood this world.
“It’s nice that you believe things are find and dandy.” A lady’s voice suddenly spoke, forcing the former Beatles to turn around.
“This should be easier than stealing candy.” A man then said as he stood by the woman’s side.
“Prepare for trouble.” The woman with obnoxiously pink hair declared.
“And make it double.” The man with a bob cut of purple hair followed up, as the pair rhymed together.
“To protect the world from devastation.” The woman came after, in the performance.
“To unite all people within our nation.” The man followed.
“To denounce the evils of truth and love” she said.
“To extend our reach to the stars above” he then added.
“Jessie!” the woman announced herself.
“James!” the man said after.
“Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!” they yelled together in unison. “Surrender now, or prepare to fight, fight, fight!”
“Meowth! Dat’s right!” a strange creature that sort of looked like a cat jumped up between the pair, at the end of the motto. The two former Beatles stared perplexed. This was clearly Japanese style of animation, and the trio before them seemed to be the cultures stereotype of the United States. It was almost amusing once they got it.
“What do you want?” George simply asked.
“Your Pikachu!” Jesse promptly answered.
“Is that what’s this thing is?” Ringo inquired, looking at the yellow rodent creature.
“You don’t know what a Pokémon is?” James asked confused.
“We really don’t care.” Harrison simply responded. “but you can have the little thing.” He simply told them, holding up the Pikachu towards them.
“What’s wrong with it?” Jesse then asked, moving away from the Pokémon in the man’s hands.
“Nothing we can tell.” Starr answered. “We don’t want it.”
“That makes no sense!” Jesse cried. “If you’re not willing to fight for that Pikachu, something must be wrong with it!”
“It might be sick!” James noted.
“Meow!” the cat creature exclaimed. “Keep that Pikachu away from me!” it said, hiding behind the pink haired woman.
“So you don’t want it?” George inquired.
“Not if you’re not willing to fight for it!” Jesse simply told them.
“What kind of fools do you take us for?” James wanted to know. “You thought you could give us a diseased Pokémon to infect the rest of our collection!” then the trio turned around and walked away.
“The nerve of some people!” Jesse was saying, as the television travelers were switched to another show.
“You just can’t trust some people to steal their Pokémon… “ James was saying, as a large electrical voltage shot at the group, knocking them to the ground.
“We’re under attack!” the cat Pokémon declared.
“Clearly, this must have been a trap!” Jesse asserted.
“We’re gonna be ambushed!” James followed up.
“Let’s get out of here!” their Pokémon suggested, which the man and woman agreed, and the three ran off. Then right behind a giant leaf, Pikachu revealed himself to the audience.
“Pika,” it began. “chu!” Pikachu finished with a wink. Meanwhile, George and Ringo were no longer cartoons, and outside in a park setting. When suddenly a purple substance was swirling in the atmosphere right above their heads. Immediately afterwards two men in spandex and big plastic masks, leapt from the odd looking thing in the sky. Without explanation the strange pair were standing before the former Beatles.
“We need your help!” one of the pair stated. You couldn’t tell, because their masks gave no indication which one was talking. The two men who just appeared wore the same outfit, except one was in red and the other in blue.
“What do you want?” George wanted to know, but before there was an answer, two plush dolls resembling the two masked men, just popped into existence in both ex-Beatles hands. Then a voice over announced the name of these toys, “Power Rangers Power Bashers.””
“Not another bloody commercial!” Ringo cried while holding the blue doll that just magically appeared in his arms. The annoying dolls being marketed for boys, made some clanking noises and a few catch phrases, but it didn’t interest the men in their fifties. However, the invisible announcer didn’t seem to care and continue to peddle the product. The whole ordeal was only thirty seconds and the men found themselves as cartoons again! “Oh bloody hell!” Starr called out, upon examining his surroundings. “Not another bloody kids show!” the drummer exclaimed in frustration.
The pair were in a warehouse of some sorts. There were boxes and wooden crates everywhere. It didn’t look like anything that would entertain small children despite the animated characters they had become.
“Let’s get out of here.” Harrison decided, and Starr just silently agreed, as the pair approached a set of industrial double doors. As the two men opened the barrier to the next room they found a factory, building giant robots. The machinist themselves were the same robots being created. These mechanical people were huge, with the features of human beings, but clearly not. Then one of the workers saw the two men.
“Intruder alert!” it said, sounding off the alarm with his fellow sentinels. Instantly the two former Beatles made a run for it, as the machines formed a defense. George was running, but realized, Ringo was far behind. Way too far, that’s when the lead guitarists noticed, everything he saw was a blur. Upon stopping, George saw his previous steps left a trail of fire. He must have been running at great speeds!
Then one of the robots shot the reinforcements to the second floor ramp they were standing, causing the drummer to fall beneath his feet. Yet as Ringo’s arms flared above his head, his upper extremities stretched out, reaching the edge of the damaged floor. Then the consorted arms restored to their natural form, raising the former Beatle up, to safety.
“I think I preferred the damn commercials!” Starr shouted out across the building, where George ended up. Things appeared grim, despite their new found powers. Neither man had time to comprehend or control these new gifts, while an army of giant machines surrounded each of them. The robots could fly, from mechanical forces beneath their feet, and the pair knew they were going to be captured, or even possibly killed.
“Surrender mutants!” One of the machines declared, as it’s large body literally towered over Ringo, like a huge building.
“Not today tin can!” said a raspy voice not yet seen. Then a man in yellow spandex fell from the ceiling above, and landed on one of the robots shoulder. The man then made a fist, and three claws poked out of his blue gloves, and shoved with ease the weapon through the metal of the machines neck. This caused sparks to fly from the artificial being, and it collapsed to its knees, with his head nearly decapitated.
Right afterwards, a red beam of light struck another giant robot, tossing the large moving structure to the ground. Starr followed where the red light came from, and saw It came out of the visor of a man dressed in blue spandex, and he wasn’t alone. A black woman with white hair, and also dressed in all white, was able to fly somehow. With her hands she created a storm cloud, and used it to knock out each of the hostile machines.
Then another man in a brown trench coat came from behind George, and pulled out a pack of playing cards from his pocket. With the skill of a magician, he slid a single card between his two fingers, then the paper item lit up in a golden color, which the man threw at their common adversaries. The card struck one of their legs, blowing the mechanical appendage off, forcing that robot to topple on another, taking two out!
“Come wit me!” the man said to George with a Cajun accent. Harrison couldn’t think of a better idea, so he went with this strange man. Above the musicians head, a woman dressed in yellow and green, flew threw the building, literally punching the machines in mid air. Her force was strong enough to knock them to the floor, as well as heavily indent their metal cover. She then picked up Ringo into her arms, and carried his friend in the sky, like Superman did to Lois Lane. Harrison followed the man outside, and in the sky, the woman in green flew above with his fellow traveler, in the same direction as the man George was with, was running. A few feet away, he saw a flying contraption of some sort, but definitely wasn’t a commercial airliner. It was to sell toys, not be realistic.
“Get in!” Ordered a young Asian teenage girl, in a yellow jacket. Then with her hands, she shot out a sparkling display, that launched at one of the machines. Meanwhile the woman flying around with Ringo landed, just feet away from his fellow television traveler. It didn’t take any further coaxing to get the musicians into the flying machines, and together they saw a huge blue beast creature, in the position to fly the ship. The black woman in white, and the man with a visor over his eyes, dressed in blue, were already inside, by the time George and Ringo entered with the flying woman in green, the man who could turn playing cards into bombs, and the teenager who could shoot fireworks from her hands.
“Where’s Wolverine?” the man in blue inquired, with an authoritative tone to his voice.
“There he is Cyclops!” the young girl said, pointing her yellow gloved hand towards the windshield. Indeed the man in the yellow spandex, and pointy claws, was ripping through the robots, as if the man were playing some kind of sport.
“Wolverine!” called the intercom to the outside. It was the man the teenager called Cyclops, yelling at the man outside referred to as “Wolverine.” “Return to the Blackbird at once!” he commanded with authority. However rebelliously, Wolverine just killed four more robots, before racing to the ship. As soon as the man entered the flying vessel, the ship began to rise into the air. Then suddenly the robot’s reproductive factory, exploded, taking the entire structure down. The few remaining humanoid machines pause where they were, as the group either shut down or were regrouping. It was hard for the men from reality to tell.
Then the scene simply changed. The flying ship called the Blackbird flew into a passage way carved from the side of a cliffs edge, which was attached to the secret headquarters of the superhero characters. Soon the former Beatles were sitting around some strange circular table with computers at every setting. The furniture appeared to be constructed entirely of metal. It appeared to be some kind of war room. Each of the characters the television travelers saw on the Blackbird were there, gathered at the round table. However, two new characters to the musicians, were added to this motley crew of superhero like figures. A redheaded woman, and a bald man in a floating yellow chair had their place at the table, of some level of authority over the others. Well at least the man.
“I’m Professor Charles Xavier,” he introduced himself. “and this is my X-Men.” The two men were familiar with this comic book, slightly. It was back in the 1960s when they last looked at the silly stilled cartoons. Needless to say, the characters evolved, both in clothing, racial diversity, animation, and the gender ratio. Professor Xavier was introducing his school for the gifted, a safe haven for mutants to learn how to control their special powers, and fight for unity between mutant kind and humanity. It seemed like a noble goal, with good intentions, but so does the road to hell. When the professor was finished with his speech, Cyclops seemed to look the visitors over.
“Who are you?” he simply asked, and the entire circle was staring at the duo. The pair stared nervously at each other, not sure what to say.
“It’s alright.” The redheaded woman told the two. “just tell the truth. We will know if you’re lying.” Indicating she was a mind-reader of some sort. It was similar to dealing with Wonder Woman back in the 1970s.
“Very well.” Ringo relented, and George nodded in agreement.
“We are from a different realm,” the younger of the pair explained.
“In our world, there are no mutants like you.” Starr added. The musicians were in their shared thought mode. They haven’t experienced that symbiotic instinct in well over ten years. Yet here it was, in full force.
“You are the subject of a comic book series made into a cartoon, to combat prejudice in children’s programming.“ Harrison further elaborated.
“Fascinating!” the blue hairy man declared.
“You think it’s fascinating, Beast?” the woman in green asked, referring to the other character by his name. “I find it crazy that anyone would find our lives entertaining.”
“Well if I was only watching us on TV, I’d think our lives are pretty entertaining too!” the teenage girl chimed in.
“If we’re a cartoon,” the card playing Cajun man spoke up now. “then how’d you get here wit us?” the man they had heard referred to as Gambit, wanted to know.
“We were zapped into the television by two women we had encountered before.” The drummer added.
“Yeah, they have powers, but they’re more witch like.” George explained.
“So they’re mutants like you?” the teenage girl asked.
“We’re not mutants!” the shorter visitor insisted.
“That’s not what Cerebro is telling us.” The black woman in white proclaimed.
“Who is Cerebro?” George inquired.
“Cerebro is a highly specialized computer,” Beast explained.
“It not only alerts us that you both have mutant powers,” The stronger woman in green added, with her strong American Southern accent. “but what kind of powers you have.”
“According to Cerebro, “ Cyclops began, as he appeared to be reading a computer screen. “You have a maximum foot speed of over 800 miles per hour.” He said to George.
“Which is faster than the speed of sound.” The eloquent blue Beast person added. He was clearly highly educated.
“And you…” the man giving the readout continued, facing Ringo now. “show extreme elasticity in your cellular structure.”
“So that’s why I was able to stretch me arms like that?” Starr asked, as his arm suddenly grew long enough to reach across the table, surprising both television travelers.
“Control your powers!” The black woman in white demanded.
“I can’t!” the blue eyed visitor acknowledged, realizing he wasn’t sure how to restore his limbs back to its normal size. Then suddenly his arms pulled back to their regular length, much to the drummers relief!
“How do you not know how to control your powers by now?” asked the woman in green, who had reddish brown hair going down her back, with a streak of white atop her brow.
“Well we just got them right before you rescued us from those mad machines.” George immediately backed his friend.
“Sentinels.” The teenage girl corrected.
“Not now Jubilee.” The black woman then corrected the child. Her eyes were blue, and her skin a light brown. This woman was very pretty, but very serious and had a very authoritative voice. This weather controlling woman spoke like an MC to a theater.
“But mutant powers usually show up by adolescence.” The woman in green pressed. Along with her strange hair color, her hair was curly, and her eyes green. She also seemed sweet on the Gambit fellow.
“We aren’t from your world.” Harrison explained. “Me mate and I are dealing with two crazy women with powers like yours, that sucked us into the blasted television box!” The youngest ex Beatle was exasperated by now.
“In our world, you aren’t real, just the subject of a cartoon series.” Starr filled in, for the cast of characters with bedazzled expressions before them.
“Your show teaches about prejudice and the struggle of oppressed people.” The lead guitarist added. “It seems like a good program, with noble intentions, but we don’t belong here, and we need to return home.”
“And the only way for that to happen is if the telly is turned off.” Ringo explained.
“Tragically we are in electronic section of a department store!” The taller visitor exclaimed, feeling the hopelessness of their situation.
“These women,” The bald man inquired. “what’s their names?” he asked the visitors in a soft voice.
“Mab and Persephone.” The drummer answered.
“Fascinating. Beast uttered again.
“I think I know how to help you two.” The bald man spoke suddenly, but then he froze, as the words, “To Be Continued,” displayed across the character frozen in a cell. Within seconds, the closing credits followed, with each character displayed in its toy form. It started with Cyclops, Professor Xavier came next referred to as Professor X. Then the redheaded woman appeared next, she had been called Jean Grey. Right after that, the card playing Gambit appeared in his frozen form of an action figure. His card was in his hand, which was raised up. The black woman all in white was the next toy being peddled, with her arms up in the air, and her plastic cape, draped behind her two arms. Beast appeared next, with his body slumped over, because of the eloquent man's massive arms. Soon the toy of the woman in green and yellow, with the strangely colored hair, was spinning around in a flirtatious pose. These toys seemed to appear at random, than in any kind of order or arrangement. Wolverine, with His cause protruding out, was the last to appear before the closing credits covered the entire television screen.
Meanwhile Ringo and George were in some type of limbo, they could see what was going on but they weren’t a part of it. There was no place for them in that scene. Then suddenly they were both outdoors, standing by a pay phone. They weren’t cartoons anymore which would have been a relief, but there was a personalized rain cloud raining over them. Literal rain was pouring and hitting their bodies, soaking them wet.
“What the bloody hell is going on here?” Starr demanded to know, as he could plainly see what definitely was a beautiful day, just not for them! Then suddenly a familiar face appeared. It wasn’t a person they knew in real life. They first met this man when he was the character Al Bundy, from the sitcom, “Married With Children.” Back in 1988, George and Ringo had been zapped into the television inadvertently by George’s son, Dhani Harrison, then only ten years old, now twenty-one.
However, the actor Ed O’Neill wasn’t playing his old character. Married With Children had been cancelled suddenly two years ago. In a uniform, the actor was wearing a black cap which read, “Phone Police.”
“Why the long face Slick?” he said referring to the two men.
“We’re trapped under a bloody rain cloud!” snapped Harrison, at so obvious a problem! Then George realized there was a dog attached to his bum, grabbing hold of his pants, and wouldn’t budge! The animal wasn’t hurting him, and the two television travelers realize this was some sort of a ridiculous commercial, so they didn’t even do more than Ringo giving the beast a hardy pull before giving up.
“You look like you need to make a collect call.” Ed playing the officer simply stated. Now this explained the payphone between the former Beatles and the character. “It’s no biggie.” The makeshift cop continued. “Just dial 1-800-Collect. It’s really fast and easy.” Came the sales pitch!
“Christ!’ Starr uttered frustrated. “We’re in a collect call commercial!”
“1-800-Collect!” The pretend cop corrected. “Anyone can use it!” Then the officer put the phone in George's hand. “See things are looking up!” the character proclaimed. It was then a red umbrella appeared, which the men immediately used instead of the phone. The voice over was giving the sales pitch and the television travelers were shifted again to another advertisement.
The musicians were still human, and not cartoons! Thank God! They were looking out a window, where they could plainly see a little boy eating a red popsicle. The boy saw the two men, smiled, and left for a moment. He promptly returned with a roll of toilet paper, which he tossed through the suddenly opened window, into the hands of George Harrison. Through the magic of CGI, the roll partially unraveled in which the child held the other end. Holding the roll, George was confused, until he saw the little boy rolling a toy dump truck with the frozen juice pop he had been eating across the space between the two houses. Meanwhile, a female voice talked about the strength of Cottonelle toilet paper. It was ridiculous, but the advertisement past.
In the next commercial, the men found themselves as mice, in the CGI format. They were sitting in a vintage red car of some sorts, while a third mouse drove the vehicle, which was a prop. Even though the trio were animated, nothing else was. Looking behind, the television travelers saw they were being chased by real cats. Then the mouse drove into a RadioShack establishment. Instantly they slid between the glass doors, as they closed, preventing the cats from getting at them. Inside, electric toys were being advertised, as if this business were a toy store. Children were everywhere, racing remote control cars, pretending to sing with little karaoke machines, and acting like grown ups with small fake computer devices, which looked like laptops, but had a tiny screen and limited lesson plan. The voice over also peddled the new Stuart Little movie. The mouse that was driving the car was Stuart himself.
In a Bush television the men were transported into the next show. To the ex Beatles relief, they were non-cartoon humans again. They were on some kind of stage with circles on the floor indicating where you should stand. Each man was in his own circle looking awkwardly at the other side of the space. Gazing across the room, the men recognized where they were. There was a woman were prosthetic makeup on her face, giving her a rigid forehead, dressed in a Star Fleet uniform, with the gold and black pajama looking clothes. She was behind a device table that operated the transporter, in which George and Ringo were standing.
“Transporter Room One to Bridge.” The woman said, lightly tapping her insignia upon her chest.
“Bridge here.” Said the voice of an unseen woman.
“I beamed up the party from the shuttle craft before it exploded.” The lady in the same room with a former Beatles explained. “However, it’s not the alien race our sensor is detected. You need to come down and see this.”
“I’ll be there. Janeway out.” Then the introduction of Star Trek Voyager played across the screen. It was a display of the advanced special effects of the 90s, while revealing the names of the cast, and production of the show. Right afterwards the scene return almost exactly as before. George and Ringo we’re still on the transporter device, while a woman in the officers red and black uniform stood before them.
“Who are you?” The woman who had been in the intercom on the bridge was now asking the television travelers.
“You wouldn’t believe us if we told you.” Ringo simply stated.
“Scans show that they are human Captain.” The strange woman at the control table reported.
“Human?” the female captain wondered aloud. “How is it possible in this section of space?” There was no answer to her question, nor did she seem to be expecting one. “have them escorted by security to Sick Bay. Tell the doctor to checked them out.” She ordered, then two men appeared in gold and black uniforms, and they escorted the visitors to the infirmary of the ship. In the medical unit, the pair were respectfully examined by the balding holographic doctor.
“Interesting,” the man in a blue black uniform gasped as he reviewed Ringo’s medical scans. “You have asthma, multiple food sensitivities, mild cirrhosis of the liver, a history of peritonitis, and you’ve had multiple barbaric surgeries done with what appears to have been metal appliances. Such methods have not been in medical practice for hundreds of years.” He noted. Then tapping his fingers upon the black metal plate in his hand the doctor continue to voice his analysis. “You both have old fashioned in inoculation medicines in your system. There significant damage to your lungs,” he said looking at George. “Indicative to an old 20th century habit called tobacco smoking.” the realistic hologram stated forwardly.
Then the sliding door from outside the unit opened, and in walked in the female captain.
“Doctor do you have an up date for me?” she wanted to know.
“Well from my readings,” the doctor began. “You have two male humans, between fifty-five and sixty-five years of age, living primarily in the 21st century.” This news caused the woman’s eyes to widen. She wore her light brown hair tied back and in a bun. She was in her mid forties, but the woman was quite attractive for her age. Yet her face remained still as she absorbed this information.
“Alright,” Captain Janeway spoke to the men sitting on the medical tables. “you said I wouldn’t believe you. I understand your hesitation but I’m inclined to believe you now.” She assured.
“Well I’m George Harrison and this me mate, known as Ringo Starr.” George explained. Unsurprisingly, this inadvertently caused the woman to blink, as the pair answered her question. Then without warning a little chirping noise came across the room, where the doctor was standing.
“Star Fleet records have an encounter with both of these men,” the hologram of a medical professional began. “of appearing suddenly on the starship USS Enterprise NCC-1701.”
“That’s when we met Captain Kirk and Mister Spock.” Ringo recalled.
“They returned two years later in the alpha quadrant, in front of the Guardian of Forever.” The doctor elaborated.
“So you two have been to the future quite a bit.” The Starfleet officer noted.
“Not by our free will.” George argued.
“We were zapped her by two bloody witches.” Starr backed up his mate.
“Witches?” Janeway uttered to herself. “Sounds like the…” she began, when her thought unfortunately became reality, as the god like Q being suddenly appeared, without warning.
“Miss me?” the man who just popped out of thin air, in a red and black Star Fleet uniform, asked playfully. It was obvious, the good captain was not in the mood to deal with this rather obnoxious character.
“Q!” she said, placing her hands at her waist. “I knew you had something to do with this.”
“Oh au contraire mon Capitaine.” The Q character replied in French. “I had nothing to do with these men or their sudden arrival.” He said scowling at the two. Then he turned back around to the captain. “I just felt that I should report that these men have arrived the third time that is not in your records.”
“And that’s your fault!” George called out annoyed. He hated this smug bastard!
“Yeah, we arrive on the Enterprise hoping Jean Luc Picard would be able to help us,” Starr elaborated.
“You intervened?” the captain demanded to know of the alien.
“I got them out of there!” the Q insisted. “I have no idea where they came from.” The powerful being further explained.
“Oh how noble of you.” Janeway replied bluntly, clearly not buying Q’s sincerity.
“Kathryn,” the alien had the nerve to address the captain by her first name. “I have been nothing but honest with you.” He stated sounding offended. This was the last of the argument the television travelers heard, as they were zapped away.
“What are you up to.” The Starfleet officer was determined to know. Neither of the conflicting parties were facing the unexpected visitors, and were unaware that the men from the 20th century were now gone, leaving the two, to their personal conflict.
“Captain,” The doctor interrupted.
“Not now doctor.” The female leader dismissed.
“Captain the visitors are gone.” The holographic doctor exclaimed. This forced the disputing pair to stop their words, and glare at the medical tables the two men from the twentieth century had been sitting all this time.
“They disappeared like that on me too!” the Q alien told the captain.
“Computer,” Janeway said, tapping the insignia upon her chest. “locate the two intruders.”
“Q is in sickbay.” The computer announced. Rolling her eyes, the woman in red and black was frustrated, but kept her cool.
“Is there anyone else on the ship that isn’t supposed to be here?” she asked
“Negative.” The voice of technology answered. Janeway’s eyes were then fixated on Q.
“You had something to do with this.” The woman boldly declared, glaring at the troublemaking alien. Q realized that there was no way he could prove his point, and decided to be quiet after that. The character simply sighed, looked in the direction the camera would have been, shrugged, and disappeared.
Meanwhile George and Ringo found themselves still human, but dressed in some sort of caveman clothing. It reminded Starr of the movie he met his current wife, Barbara, when both played major roles in the film called ”Caveman.” The men were wearing animal skins, in a make shift parlor with stone age attire. It was reminiscent of the Flintstones experience the television travelers had in the 1960s. However things appeared more homey, and rather large. Then suddenly a large green dinosaur creature walked into what appeared to be a parlor of some sort. The creature walked on two legs, and wore a red and black plaid checkered shirt, and had what seemed to be a can of beer in his hand.
“Fran!” He yelled, revealing he could talk. “Tell Charlene, her humans for her science project are in the living room.” Then a thinner dinosaur came in through the other side of the room, wearing a red jacket, like the stereotypical teenage boy.
“Awe!” he said, seeing the humans. “Charlene found some cute humans for her science project this year. “ said the son of the family as he was petting Ringo like he were a dog. “Good boy!” the young male dinosaur cooed on the humans, who were too frightened to object. Then a female dinosaur entered the parlor, holding a smaller pink dinosaur in her arms. It must have been “The Baby.”
“Not the Ma’ma!” The smaller pink dinosaur said to the adult male equivalent parent, and then hit the presumably father dinosaur upside the head with a frying pan.
“Fran!” the male older dinosaur yelled, to his perceived wife. “Why does he always have a frying pan on him. Don’t you think I've been hit enough times for you to take them away?”
“He hides them in his diaper.” The dinosaur called Fran replied in a flat voice. Then the only female studied the two humans in her home. “They must have broken out of the pen.” She remarked. “Earl, did you remember to feed them?” the mother figured asked the rounder and clearly older, male dinosaur.
“I’ll do it.” The teenage boy stereotype offered, as he left the room.
“Thank you Robby.’ The feminine voice told the lizard looking lad as he walked by to the other room, which appeared to be both the dining room and a kitchen. Then a bag could be heard rattling, it’s contents being shaken.
“Here boys!” Robby the dinosaur called out. “Come get your Human Chow!” However, to the families surprise, the pet primates didn’t scamper at the sound of the food bag.
“What’s wrong with them?” Earl, the father inquired confused.
“We’re not hungry.” Ringo spoke up.
“They can talk!” the father cried out, clearly distraught by this discovery.
“Cool they can talk.” The Robby dinosaur said, as he approached the pair of mammals. “What other tricks can you do?”
“What sort of tricks can you do?” George stated sarcastically.
“Was it Charlene who taught you how to talk?” the mother dinosaur asked now.
“No.” Starr answered. “Me mum did.” He further elaborated.
“You talk funny!” The baby dinosaur obnoxiously observed.
“Hi everyone, I’m home.” Said a girls voice, as another female dinosaur walked through the front door, a long with two women dressed in furs. “I’m just bringing my humans in, to eat.” She added, then she saw the two adult males of the species she was tending to. “What’s this?” the newly arrived dinosaur inquired.
“We thought these humans were yours, Charlene.” Earl told the female, presumably his daughter, who shook her head. The two female pets to the dinosaur approached the two former Beatles, sniffing them as if they were a clowder of cats. Then the animal like women saw the bowl of food, and shamelessly ran over the bowl to eat from it, on the floor.
“No.” the dinosaur called Charlene denied. “I have two females. If I put these males in their cage their going to breed.”
“That’s it!” the older male dinosaur yelled. “I ain’t going to have this house over run with talking humans!” He proclaimed.
“Well what are we going to do with them?” his wife inquired.
“We could eat them.” The daughter suggested. Then the son stepped in-between his family and the humans in question.
“Hey,” the teenage boy dinosaur said as a barrier for these men, from the carnivores. “why not, I take them to the woods, and leave them to run wild.”
“Alright!” Earl reluctantly agreed. “Just get them far enough away, so they don’t come back! I can’t stand the fur they shed!”
“Fine!” Robby told his father. Then he turned in the direction of the television travelers. “Come on you guys.” He said to the creatures he saw as animals. Not knowing what else to do, George and Ringo followed the young dinosaur outside.
“Thank you from keeping your family from eating us.” George spoke up, after the trio walked a ways from the family home.
“Yeah, we appreciate that.” Ringo followed up.
“No problem.” The teenage dinosaur told them, with his hands inside his jacket. “I think it’s pretty cool you two can talk. I was wondering, is there a whole race of talking humans like you?” he wanted to know, as the three went further into this tropical jungle, referred as the woods.
“Not around here.” George told the green prehistoric lad.
“Well this is as far as I’ll go.” The teenager explained. “I got to get home and do homework.” He explained.
“Thank you You’ve been most helpful.” Ringo told the scaly youth.
“No problem.” Robby said as he turned to leave. “Just watch out for the swamp monsters.”
“Swamp monsters?” both humans cried out in unison.
“Yeah, their abundant here,” The teen simply dismissed. “but this is your natural habitat so you’ll know what to do. Bye.” He had it as he quickly scampered it away, and the two musicians found themselves alone.
“Great!” Starr cried exasperated. “Now what do we do?” Just as he utter these words, a giant beast appeared, in what they realized was a body of water. The man didn’t have time to gasp, before they were instantly swallowed by the giant beast hole. Being eaten didn’t kill the television travelers. Instead they found themselves inside the creature stomach. There were a few smaller animals with the humans, who all explained they were just waiting to be slowly digested. Feeling hopeless, the pair just stared at one another, feeling defeated.
Back in the Sears department store, Mab and Persephone were enjoying the show. The two beings eagerly watched, as the pair gazed upon mythological beings gazed upon one another.
“Should we leave them to be digested?” Persephone teased. Mab just laughed.
“Change the channel.” She declared, and with that, the two musicians were moved to another program. The former Beatles who had stayed at some of the most beautiful establishments imaginable, to being trapped in a creatures stomach, were now in some kind of open field outside. The air was colder, the environment less tropical, and more familiar. Then suddenly a bright light from the sky, was shining above their heads. The glare was so strong, neither man could look up to see the aircraft it came from.
Then suddenly, the light was gone, and there was nothing in the night sky. Now the pair, still human, and in their regular clothing, found themselves deserted in a field. It was a new moon, so the sky was mostly black, as the two men try to figure out where the hell they were. Everything where they turn was long crispy staffs of wheat, ready to be harvested in its golden brittle stage. The television travelers didn’t move a step, when they heard the tall dry wheat crack, then an obnoxious light struck their eyes, as the daunting brightness beamed from one direction into theirs. At least it wasn’t coming from the sky!
Gazing towards the source of the brightness, George and Ringo found a man and woman in front of a path of toppled wheat, from which they trekked through.
“FBI.” The woman announced, as the couple revealed their badges. “What are you doing here?” she demanded to know. The musicians just gawked that one another, then stared at the characters interrogating them.
“We don’t know.” George answered honestly.
“I told you Scully,” the man began, seemingly less hostile. “they drop their victims off, leaving them confused and unable to explain what happened.”
“What are you talking about?” Ringo wanted to know.
“Aliens.” The man explained, but the shows opening began before the male agent could speak further. The haunting music of “X-Files” played along with all sorts of paranormal activities, suggested highly throughout the credits. It revealed the names of the two characters, with a close up of their identification badges. Fox Mulder was the male agent, played by David Duchovny, and the female agent was Dana Scully, played by Gillian Anderson. More creepy images were displayed, suggesting every wild conspiracy from aliens to ghosts. Then the scene changed, and the former Beatles were sitting with the two characters around a little table in a run down hotel.
“So you were sucked into the television.” Agent Fox Mulder was saying, then he took a sip of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, never once removing his gaze upon the subjects in question.. A scan of the table revealed both pairs were indulging in some warm beverages, as the group were gathered together. The soothing drink ended up being coffee, catered for each of the fours liking. However, George and Ringo didn’t have the time to share what happened to them, yet the characters knew of the former Beatles adventures in the world of cable.
“By two women with a remote control, that turned into a stick that shoots streams of lightening at you,” Dana Scully the other FBI agent began to recount the television travelers own story. “which you both claim pulled you into different television sets in a Sears department store?”
“That’s what happened.” Ringo simply replied.
“And then you ended up in the field, after you left the television?” Mulder asked, not realizing he and Scully were the subject of a television series themselves.
“No we’re still in the telly.” George insisted. “You and your partner here,” he said glancing at the female agent. “are the main characters of a popular television show.” Then the male agent looked around.
“I don’t see any cameras.” The man who’s first name was Fox, observed.
“It’s some sort of different dimension, where here you’re real, and in our world you two are fictional characters.” Harrison explained. “It’s sort of the wild magic those two witches do!”
“What were their names?” Mulder pressed, seemingly curious.
“Mab and Persephone.” Ringo told him now. Then Mulder shot up from his chair, and went to the closet, to retrieve a briefcase.
“I know you two didn’t walk through the field.” He said opening the brown luggage on the dingy hotel bed. “The only wheat that was damaged was from where we found you both standing, and the path Agent Scully and I made.” Mulder explained as he pulled out a tan leather bound book. The item was old, and it’s pages brittle, as the agent carefully opened it. “This is an ancient legend written down by a Catholic priest, Monsignor Giovanni Caputo, who wrote this in 1547, while in Liuerpul, which is now called Liverpool today.” he said gazing at the British men.
George and Ringo couldn’t read the writing, because it was in Latin, but the handwritten illustrations were quite descriptive. Drawings of a white owl, a raven, a fox and a black cat bordered the pages, in great detail. Then one page blew the men away. It was a drawing of Persephone, dressed in ancient Greek robes, playing the lyre made from the ox horns and primitive strings George had seen in the music shop, back in the 1960s. Ringo too was at a loss for words. The forest the drawing was set in, was eerily similar to that dream he had with the same woman. Mab was on the next page. Her transformation from woman to a man and to a woman, was described in artistic detail. Starr’s eyes were fixated on the images, showing a black cat on a man’s chest, then a nearly naked woman on top of the same man in the next drawing.
“Mulder this is ridiculous!” Scully declared. “How does this book have anything to do with what happened in that field?” She demanded to know.
“Legend tells,” the male agent responded by continuing his reading. “That these women would seduce worthy artists, musicians, scribes, poets, story tellers, actors, jugglers, contortist, and any mortal that delighted the old Goddesses. There are multiple songs and stories explaining how these magical creatures would intertwine themselves into the lives of the mortals they manipulated, giving the youths renowned, and riches. However the father warns, these beings control your fate, and will take your soul as part of her collection. These women are described as beautiful temptresses, who create great art, but will lead the soul astray, to wicked unnatural behavior of wild beast.” Then he glanced towards his partner. “There is a tale, of a flute player named James Matheson, was found after a winter storm, warm and dry, while surrounded by virgin snow. Matheson was said to have been seduced by the ancient Goddess Bridgid, who is said to transform into a white owl.”
“So what can we do?” Ringo asked, feeling terrified.
“I don’t know.” Mulder confessed. “All the accounts of men encountering these women, say they end up having wealth and fame, but either they die young, or disappear.”
“Like us being taken out of our own realm?” George was piecing together. Mulder just silently nodded, as Scully rubbed her head in frustration. Then without any notice, the channel changed. George and Ringo were standing now, and unfortunately, cartoons again. What was even crazier, they both had yellow skin and they were in a house. Then on cue, the front door opened, and a bald fat man, in jeans and a white button down short sleeve shirt, made his way inside. His eyes seem to widen upon seeing the two stranger’s in his home.
“It can’t be!” the yellow character declared, in utter shock. “George Harrison and Ringo Starr are in my house.”
“We’re not mate.” George told the presumed homeowner. “This is just a dream.” He said sarcastically. However, the fictitious personality took the musicians words literally.
“Woo Hoo!” he shouted with his fist up in the air. “If I’m dreaming I don’t need to wear any clothes!” the dimwit declared, as he tore off his clothing, and climbed up the stairs to the second floor. “In dream land marbles turn into candy!” the yellow fellow further announced, as the character retrieved a decorative glass canister, with blue color beads, and the cartoon proceeded to eat them, or at least try to. He ended up coughing them out on the floor. Then he slid on a trail of the rolling orbs, and leapt from the top of the stairs. “Don’t worry, I’m dreaming, so I’m just flying.” The man insisted as he comically fell down each step and laid unconscious on the floor.
“Homer sure is stupid.” Said a voice from behind the television travelers, utterly dumbfounded by the lack of intellect they had just witnessed. Turning towards the opening in the parlor area, the pair saw another yellow person. Only he was much shorter, with spikey hair and a short sleeve shirt, along with shorts. This was obviously a child in this world.
“Should we call an ambulance?’ Ringo suggested.
“Naw!’ The child declared. “He’ll just do something stupid again, and then he’ll never learn.” The youth explained, as he approached the front door. The former Beatles followed the yellow lad, looking to just escape the house, still not sure what program this was. As for the unconscious father, the television travelers figured being a cartoon, he would be fine.
“Who are you?” George asked the yellow youth as they approached the exit.
“I’m Bart Simpson,” the lad answered bluntly. “who the hell are you?” Young Bart asked, looking up at the adult men.
“We’re in the bloody Simpsons!” Harrison exclaimed, looking as if he were going to pull out his hair. All the surviving ex Beatles had made a cameo on this hit popular phenomenon, but George had run out of patience!
“Whoo chill man!” Bart exclaimed. “Why don’t you do what the rest of the respectable adults do in this town whenever they get as upset as you do?”
“And what’s that?” Starr asked.
“Go to Moe’s Tavern.” The child simply replied. “Its right down the street, a couple a blocks away.” The two television travelers stared each other in the eyes as they contemplated their option. Ringo had given up drinking with the help of a twelve step program, which he relied on daily to control his impulse. Yet, there really wasn’t anywhere else to go, so the pair thanked the rebellious lad, and went to a place they could at least sit down.
Upon reaching Moe’s Tavern, it seemed like a depressing place. Moe himself was the only bar attendant, who was a stingy gray man with a personality that matched his crude and bitter voice. The only other patron that was within the establishment when the two musicians walked in, was a fat bloated drunk, who burped without excusing himself and drank continuously, even when on the verge of passing out. Together George and Ringo each purchased a drink, but brought their perspective beverages to a booth.
George had a bottle of Duff Beer, and Ringo had a soda pop called diet Popsi. The two began to drink, and gaze at the television set over the bar. First the TV within a TV was playing a cartoon within the cartoon. Where a cat and mouse pair did some rather gruesome behavior to each other. It was violent for the point to represent the violence in children’s programming.
“Do you really believe we’ll be stuck in here forever?” Ringo asked, taking a sip of his drink, which was in a can.
“I hope not!” George replied.
“But according to that Mulder fellow, those who are taken under the powers of these women, either disappear or die.” Starr pointed out, with his eyes painted a sky blue in the strange animation. Then suddenly a few more patrons entered the building, including the father of the show, Homer Simpson. Completely oblivious over what had happened before, Mister Simpson took a seat at the bar, next to the bloated drunk who had been already there.
“So what?’ Harrison asked. “We should just spend the rest of our lives here surrounded by all this bloody madness.” Then a loud ring rang across the bar, as the phone rang next to the register. Immediately Moe answered the noisy device, with his raspy voice, he uttered the name of the establishment.
“Moe’s Tavern.” The gray haired man in a blue apron said into the mouth piece. “Yeah hold on.” The man told the caller. “Rim Job!” the bartender then announced. “I’m looking for a Rim Job.” He further called across the room. “I need a Rim Job!” the frustrated business owner called out, as his bar erupted and laughter from his customers. Including Homer Simpson!
“I really hope you find the jerks that keep harassing you.” Homer said to Moe, as the owner slammed the phone back down on the receiver, after cursing out the caller. The oblivious Mister Simpson was completely unaware that his son Bart, was the crank caller for all of this time.
“This is Kent Brockman with this evening news.” The television then announced, as a yellow man with white hair spoke from the animated television. “The Springfield broadcast tower, is believe to be constantly struck by lightning. It has been reportedly struck more than a thousand times, since it had been constructed a half a century ago. Now for tonight’s weather. Tropical storm warning, as hurricane Todd passes through Springfield. High chance of thunderstorms going into tomorrow morning.” He further announced.
“That’s what we should do.” George said to Ringo, with an idea in his head and a snap in his finger. “Remember that witch Endora?” Harrison brought up the pairs adventures in the airwaves in the 1960s, trapped in the television program called “Bewitched!”
“You mean the lightning, and that tower?” the drummer asked. “Sounds dangerous.”
“Yes, but we’re cartoons.” Harrison pointed out. “Look at that Homer fellow sitting at the bar.” He said as the balding yellow man chugged down his beer. “That trip down the stairs would have killed a regular human, but here, we would be fine or even get back home.”
“How would that work?” Starr wanted to know.
“I’m not sure,” the lead guitarists admitted. “but that seems to be the direction we are being led to.” He added, indicating the television. Ringo nodded to his point, but had further questions.
“How would we get to this tower?” the drummer inquired. “Christ, I just read a few lines of dialog for this program nearly ten years ago!”
“We’re going to have to ask one of them?” George explained, as he glanced his eyes towards the men at the bar. There were four patrons now. The fat drunk that had been there all this time was called Barney. Homer was sitting beside him, clearly they have been old friends, for quite some time. There were two other men to Homer’s right hand side, a white man and black one, both clearly in better shape and form.
“We should ask the skinnier two at the end.” Starr suggested, hoping these other characters would be more rational than the other two.
“He’s a main character of the show.” The taller of the two television travelers pointed out. “I guarantee you all the others will be unable to help us, except Homer.” Who at that moment was cracking nuts between the bar and his head. The drunk Barney was cheering him on, and the other two more rational looking fellows were Just drinking their perspective beers. Poor Ringo just released a heavy sigh.
“Very well.” He reluctantly agreed, as the two arose from the booth, and made their way over to the bar.
“Pardon us,” George began, with his native British formalities. However, it was the accent which drew everyone’s attention. “my friend and I, are looking for the cable tower, here in Springfield.” The former Beatle continued.
“We would take you there,” The black man spoke up first. “but Karl and I have to be up early for our job at the power plant.” He explained for both of the more rational men.
“I work at that same power plant, but I can take you.” Homer instantly offered, exactly as George figured. Before the two knew it, they were in Homer’s car, as it drove outside the boarder of the town, where there were high mountain terrain. The sky was dark, yet when the three reached the tower, it was bright enough to see. Once they were all out of the car, the two television travelers studied the tower that they expected to climb.
“Hey Homer.” The voice of Bart Simpson captured everyone’s attention.
“Bart?” Homer asked surprised. “What are you doing here?” the father wanted to know.
“You left mom alone with three kids.” The yellow boy explained. “So sneaking out was easy.”
“But why?” Ringo asked, confused what would draw such a young person to such a location.
“Why not?” Bart simply answered with a question.
“Hey boy?” the balding father spoke up. “Do you want to race to the top?” he asked, indicating the cable tower.
“Do I?” the lad cried, as the parent and child pair started climbing up the interconnected polls making up the structure. George and Ringo could hear the father-son duo laughing in the distance in the darkness of night.
“Shall we?” George asked his fellow traveler. Ringo just nodded and the pair followed the people before them. As the four almost reached the top, dark blue clouds appeared in the purple skies, with the impending storm the television travelers were waiting for. Soon the rain was falling across the sky, and lightning began flashing with the clap of thunder following afterwards.
“Whoo hoo!” Homer cried out with his fist in the air.
“Hey dad…” Bart began, looking at his father. “don’t you think this might be too dangerous?” the lad wisely advised. However, Homer reacted by mocking his son.
“Ha! Bart is chicken.” The bald fat yellow man declared, as he folded his arms like bird wings, and mimicked the poultries sounds, to further insult the boy. Then suddenly a flash of lightning struck the middle aged man, as he fell from his position and landed to the ground in the same comical fashion as with the stairs before. Bart quietly watched his father fall, which would have been a death sentence in the real world.
“Well I better go check on Homer.” The boy told them, then he proceeded to climb down. Now the two former Beatles were by themselves, just feet away from the top.
“Shall we?” George asked, indicating the tip of the tower, just a few feet away. Ringo just gulped, as he stared above, and then below. “Don’t look down.” Harrison added too late.
“I guess.” The shorter man relented, and together the men climbed to meet their fate. The cartoon rain increased, and bolts of lightning were striking other targets in the distance. “They say lightning never strikes twice in the same place.” The drummer noted.
“Oh bollocks!” cried the taller of the pair. Circling his hands around his mouth, while balancing himself with his legs on a poll, George called out to the witch, who brought him and his friend together in this state of animation. “You want us Persephone!” Harrison called out. “You want us too, Mab?” he further shouted. “Well here we are!” the man cried, lifting himself up, while holding onto the tower.
“Enough is enough!” Ringo finally called out into the storming rain, a long with his friend. Then suddenly they both heard the crackle of two women laughing unseen in the purple sky, then lightning struck them both. Neither George or Ringo were hurt, but they didn’t feel well, and their skin and clothing were singed with the animated depiction of a character having survived such an ordeal. Then the channel changed, with the roaring laughter from the unseen women.
“Where are we now?” Harrison asked, finding himself a human being again, and not a cartoon. He gazed at Ringo, in his normal form, then at the corridor of what appeared to be an apartment complex of some sort.
“Are you gentlemen lost?” A female voice interrupted the television travelers moment of confusion. Stunned, the men turned abruptly to find a tall black woman wearing business attire. Ringo was at a lost for words, but George quickly stepped on in.
“Yes ma’am.” He said in his polished manner.
“Do you know where we are?” Starr inquired, once finding his tongue. This woman seemed familiar slightly. Like she was in the music industry, but also acted as well. She definitely wasn’t the skinny model type. This lady was a little big for a personality on television, indicating she was a celebrity before the show, and was known already for her notoriety and personality.
“You’re in Brooklyn.” The lady politely told them.
“We’re back in New York.” George acknowledged, relieved to at least be in a realistic program. No yellow people, no Pokémon, no talking lab mice, or giant robots, just the normal shit of everyday life.
“Well why don’t you come in, and use the phone?” she offered kindly. Both men just nodded, and the lady let them in her apartment on the main floor. Upon opening the door a small group of people jumped out, as the lights turned on.
“Surprise!” said three other women, and two men.
“Happy Birthday Khadijah!” said another plus size woman, presenting a cake to the lady that led the two former Beatles inside. This other woman had her long curly hair tied up in a partial ponytail above her head, and lifted the dessert with a great big smile on her face. “Make a wish, and don’t tell a soul, or it’s seven years bad luck.”
“That’s if I break a mirror Synclaire.” The woman with the two former Beatles behind her patiently explained. Then the Khadijah woman blew out the candles, and the group of people began to encompass the newly entered trio. It was a petite woman, who was dressed up the most for this party, who gazed upon the men behind the birthday girl, first.
“So Khadijah,” the smaller lady inquired. “I thought you said you were “Living Single” these days.” She formally observed.
“I’m not surprised Khadijah got herself two men for tonight.” A taller woman said, as she stepped forward. “And white boys too.” She observed, staring the men down, as she was taller them both of the two television travelers. “Okay, race shouldn’t matter.” The woman agreed in a strong voice. “But older?” the lady displayed a cringed expression upon her face.
“Oh Maxine!” the smaller thin woman jumped in. “There is nothing wrong with dating a mature man,” then she gawked at the British men. “or two.” The lady added, faking her smile.
“No these gentlemen are not my dates.” Khadijah explained, emphasizing heavily on the word dates. “They’re just lost, and needed to use the phone.”
“Oh!” the crowd said in unison.
“Shoulda known you’d still be “Living Single.” The tall bald black man now spoke up.
“Now Overton,” a shorter man added to the conversation. “Khadijah is just one of those rare birds, never destined to get caught.”
“Naw, she’s just trying to avoid vultures, like Kyle.” Maxine snarked.
“Say’s the dodo bird.” Kyle cleverly clapped back.
“Well I think we ought to go easy on Khadijah.” The lady called Synclaire spoke up, as she curled herself into Overton’s side, making it obvious the pair were a couple. “There is nothing wrong with her choosing to be “Living Single” all her life.” She said matter of factly.
“You all act like I’m trying to avoid relationships.” Khadijah pointed out, putting her hands at her waist.
“Well you do turn down a lot of men.” Overton simply stated. He didn’t sound very intelligent, nor did Synclaire.
“Oh no I don’t.” The birthday woman pushed back in defense of herself. “I’m just very particular in who I go out with.” She further added.
“Well there was the basketball player.” The short thin black woman brought up.
“Oh I remember him.” Synclaire followed. “What happened with that guy?”
“I ended it.” Khadijah answered. “But we all know he was gonna mess around behind my back, and then drop me once he found something else!” she argued. “That’s how big shots, with big names always are.” the woman remarked then glanced at the two men she invited inside, as if she knew their history.
“Whatever happened to that fine looking doctor you were seeing?” Maxine then asked.
“Charles?” the woman being drilled spoke up. “He was just too busy.” She immediately dismissed.
“When was the last time you heard from Scooter?” the tall thin black woman named Maxine inquired. Khadijah just looked up at her friend in silence.
“My god Khadijah!” the petite woman cried out. “You reject everyone. Basketball players, doctors,” then widening her eyes. “Even your childhood crush…”
“Regine I think I handle my love life far better than you.” Khadijah said forwardly.
“Oh don’t try to turn this around on Regine.” Maxine appeared to be coming in the smaller woman’s defense. “Just because Regine is a soulless, shell of a woman, who will stoop down with no level… “ she emphasized. “I mean down right groveling on her knees pathetic to bag herself a man, but we’re talking about you Khadijah.” Then as the tall woman completed her punchline, the telephone by the sofa began to ring. Instantly, the Regine lady answered.
“Hello?” she said with her rehearsed smile, which dropped instantly as the caller spoke. “Alright, hold on.” The lady replied to whoever was on the phone. “George?” Regine called out first, while looking at the only two people she didn’t know in the room. “Richard?’ the short woman added, clearly freaked out someone was calling these strangers from her home phone.
“That’s us?” Harrison acknowledged, sensing the tension this odd occurrence caused the room.
“How are you two getting calls from my number?” Khadijah asked them suspiciously.
“We honestly don’t know.” Starr confessed.
“But there’s one way to find out.” George then asserted as he took the phone from Regine’s hand. “Who’s this?” he demanded to know, with six faces staring at him. However, instead of an answer, the receiver just played lyre music. The song was short and sweet, and ended with two women laughing from the device. The laughter was loud enough to be heard across the room, making everyone unnerved. Then without warning the television travelers were changed to another station, disappearing in front of the group they left behind. Regine immediately screamed.
“Holy smokes, those men were ghosts!” Synclaire declared, hiding in Overton’s arms.
“Couldn’t be.” Kyle assured, looking to see if the two white men were hiding.
“Well then you explained how two grown men up and disappeared.” Maxine challenged. Both Overton and Kyle, were glancing under furniture, without trying to look obvious.
“This place is haunted.” Regine declared, making the sign of the cross.
“Well it’s clear that those two men aren’t here.” Overton simplistically stated. “My only conclusion is that they disappeared before Khadijah could reject them too.” He further pointed out, causing the room to laugh, as Khadijah just shook her head, while accepting a slice of her own birthday cake from Synclaire.
Meanwhile George and Ringo felt their world change again as they went from an apartment, to what appeared to be a mock recording studio. There the two witnessed comedians doing impersonations of celebrities from the past thirty years. A banner was hung on the background wall, which read, “Career Aide!” Then a man in drag portraying an Asian woman walked in front of the crowd.
“Hello everybody.” The Asian man dressed as an Asian woman started to speak. “Are we recording yet?” the comical rendition inquired.
“Yoko Ono,” a black man from behind the glass room called out through the speaker. “Who let you in here?”
“The same man who let in Dan Aykroyd, last time.” The man pretending to be the late John Lennon’s widow, spoke of the famous actor of the 70s and 80s, who was seemingly working less in the last decade of the 20th century. Then the mock Ono then stood next to the impersonator of Tina Turner.
“George and Ringo?” the man noticed the two actual musicians. “Wow Paul McCartney must be in a bad mood these days. You two, get in the back row!” he ordered of the real musicians. The television travelers were too stunned to argue, and took the place behind the fake Cindi Lauper, and the mock Diana Ross.
“Wait a minute,” a man pretending to be Ray Charles spoke up. “Will somebody explain to me...” he trailed off comically, before continuing. “are we here to raise money for the starving children of Ahfreekah again?”
“No Ray.” Replied the man behind the glass.
“Oh are we helping out the homeless?” the mock Ray Charles further inquired with a smile.
“Not exactly.” The man recording didn’t exactly answer the question.
“Ray we are here for the most important cause of all, our careers.” The woman pretending to be Tina Turner delivered the punch line, which began the music of the song “We Are The World,” with an obnoxious parody of course. The pretend Cindi Lauper began singing about these artists careers dwindling. The front row was a line of iconic names being teased. Cindi Lauper, known for her “Girls Just Want To Have Fun!” hit in 1983, was being represented by a blonde comic, and next to her, was another woman comedian pretending to be Diana Ross. The uprising funnyman, Jim Carrey was doing an incredible job imitating Willie Nelson, standing beside the fake Ray Charles. Besides the blind “Hit the Road Jack,” singer, a man who’s head was wrapped in bandages, was apparently Lionel Richie, and the mock Stevie Wonder after him. Then at the end of the musical line, was the man pretending to be Yoko Ono and a real woman impressively similar in looks of Tina Turner, whom she was impersonating.
The song was pretty rough on the artists being mocked, but it was funny. George and Ringo had long past their insecurities about their fame, but for those going through a down fall, which can be scary if you don’t have a convenient nest egg, this sadly applied. However, all of these artists were well set up, and the skit was teasing the fact none of these big names have been making new music. Yet as the song progressed, the two former Beatles found themselves joining in the singing of the chorus, to the music it was parodying.
“We were the world. We are the cause now. If we’re so bright, why don’t you know now, that we’re still living.” It wasn’t a long little number, and once it was done, a voice over spoke out, as the scenery and other characters disappeared into a black abyss.
“How you living?” It announced. “How you living? In Living Color!” Then the introduction of the hit comedy skit show, “In Living Color,” began, with each member of the cast being presented in a modern art style painting, while the two musicians remained in limbo.
“I can’t take much more of this!” George finally cried out. “Are we trapped inside here forever?” the lead guitarists wanted to know, as he gazed into Ringo’s blue eyes.
“I don’t know.” Starr replied, bringing himself closer to his ailing friend. “I don’t know what is in store for us, but I’m glad you’re with me. This adventure would be a nightmare, if either of us were alone.” The drummer observed warmly.
“I just don’t think I can do this any more!” Harrison added, beginning to pull out his hair, but Ringo took a firm grip of his friends hand.
“Easy!” the blue eyes stated. “Don’t let this break you. We’ll pull through this together.” Starr further promised. The pair were now in each other’s arms, and for the first time in a while now, they had a moment to themselves. The two friends drew in close, and kissed, deeply and passionately. Unfortunately, that’s when the former Beatles appeared on screen as a black lined painting, until it was colored in, as the guest appearance. Then the modern art turned into the real image of the two former Beatles locking lips. There across the airwaves, the whole world would now see. However, after every bloody thing the two men had experienced, they didn’t care, and decided, mutually to kiss again. Fuck it! Why not give the audience the real show!
Then the animation melted away, and surrounding the two musicians, were all the comedians from the television program they were on. Including, Jim Carrey, Jamie Foxx, Keeven Wayans, and his siblings, both brothers and sisters who were on the show, stood before the television travelers, on an empty set. The former Beatles stood wide eyed, anxious after being exposed, now instinctively drew nearer together. Then to the musicians shock, Keeven himself began to clap, in which the rest of the comedians immediately followed.
“Good for you two!” said one of the women, who the pair would later learn was Kim Wayans.
“That took guts!” the Jim Carrey fellow followed up. The former Beatles just stared at the crowd, as they joyously clapped for the singers revealing this side of themselves.
“We love you guys!” Jamie Foxx added in, which struck both men deeply. Before either George or Ringo could utter a word, they were in the Sears department store, standing in front of the very televisions the pair had been trapped in. Also before the musicians, were the strange women who zapped them through the airwaves to begin with. Mab and Persephone, were as they were before, gazing over the mere mortals.
“Why did you do this to us?” George demanded to know of the magical beings.
“Because soon one of you will die.” Persephone ominously predicted.
“So we made sure you two experienced something together, you will never have with another living soul.” Mab further explained.
“So you’re killing one of us?” Ringo demanded to know. However, the magical women simply shook their heads in unison.
“He did it to himself.” Persephone claimed.
“We are here to make your time in life, worth remembering.” Mab added, forcing Ringo to recall the night this supernatural being first appeared to the drummer, by transforming into a black cat.
“Did you kill John!” Starr demanded to know.
“He belonged to Brigid.” Mab stated.
“He had been marked by his own words.” Persephone pointed out. “Like so many, he was a victim of his own hubris.”
“Which one of us is going to die?” George suddenly inquired. This ideas shook him, no matter which way it went.
“Do you really want to know?” Mab wisely asked back, with eyes so dark, they were like black mirrors. This muted the men’s objections, as they gazed upon each other. The entire ordeal has always been centered around each other, not the women who placed them in the strange circumstances they were entangled.
“I guess not.” George reluctantly agreed. His mind was lost in the blue eyes of the man he had been through stone age jail, the Korean war, giant gorgs, and even murderous zombie creatures, but the pair were always together. They never once separated, or even considered leaving the other behind. The two former bandmates were still friends, and lovers, no matter what life tossed at them. On or off, the airwaves. This experience was more literal than anticipated, but whether pretending or being real, the love George and Ringo experienced, and John Lennon and Paul McCartney shared, was always hidden just below the surface. The bond the men had, had noticeably increased, as the television travelers stopped caring about the television, and were transfixed into each other’s gaze.
“Enjoy the time you have left.” Persephone interrupted the moment.
“You two have been granted a warning neither John or Paul could have received.” Mab added, as she brought up the other half of the Beatles.
“Why?” Ringo wanted to know. “Why couldn’t John have been warned?”
“Or at least give him and Paulie a chance for a proper goodbye.” George agreed with Starr.
“It was meant to be exactly as it happened.” The taller woman, Persephone explained. “They went down the path of turmoil, and this is where it left them.”
“The circumstances between you two has always been different.” Mab enlightened the pair of mortals.
“You have been given a gift!” Persephone pointed out, somehow managing to gaze in both men’s eyes simultaneously. Harrison and Starr then could feel the power radiating from these women. The men of fame, and notoriety had one of those awkward moments when they were not the ones on top. The lead guitarist and the drummer were forced to acknowledge how powerless they were to these supernatural beings. Then suddenly, the women were gone, and the two former Beatles were at a loss for words. Instantly, they scurried out of the mall, and drove together in George’s car to a hotel, where the pair expressed their gratitude for each other in the physical sense. Yet in a realm the living never see, the spirit of John Lennon gazed upon his old friends still a live.
“Thank you for doing that to them, for me.” He said to the guardians of George and Ringo’s individual souls. Persephone and Mab merely smiled at the ghost of one of the men the four had. His magical mistress, Brigid was always close by, both demanding and loving, in the existence outside the mortal realm. The fiery red colored hair swung around the figures frame, which adored a simple Celtic frock, in a hand woven design. Brigid, was training Lennon to exist as she does. A being that can draw out the most creative of the mortal world, to delight the immortals.
“You wanted your friends to appreciate the time they have left, and that has been fulfilled.” The redheaded woman observed. “Now, will you be more cooperative?” The dead singer merely nodded his head, as his gaze fell to the ground. “Good!” The magical figure declared, with Mab, and Persephone and the fourth, the short haired, boyish looking Sophia. Together, they created the most magnificent art throughout our time. From the first wandering cave dweller who managed to finger paint along the rock wall, to the dawn of the 20th century, with new creative endeavors to inspire. The Beatles were just four of many mortals of these unnatural figures choosing, and one day, these four men will be as these women are, inspiration for future generations to grow and expand, even greater than they ever imagined they would have. One day they too, will bring in mortals, and the arts will ever expand, and these men will always be apart of it.
Notes:
CBS Media Ventures
Judge Judy
NBCUniversal Syndication Studios
Jerry Springer
20th Century Studio
X-Files
Sister Lee, in association with Warner Bros. Television.
Living Single
Disney
Adventures in Wonderland
Jim Henson's Dinosaurs
The Simpsons
Paramount Global
Star Trek Voyager
The Pokémon Company International (TPCi)
Pokémon
Warner Brothers
Animaniacs
Marvel
X-Men
20th Century Fox Television
In Living Color
Konami
Silent Hill
Wolf Entertainment
Law & Order SVU