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It’s late when he finally gets back to his hotel room, after waving off his friends as they get off on varying floors before his, and Charles a floor above the last he sees, watching the elevator doors slide shut on a salute from his friend. It’s been a long, good, tiring day, and he’s grateful to his friends for joining him for this latest major premier, not only for the support they always provide in respects to his career but to his life in general as well. They are their own little rat-pack, ready to drop what they’re doing at a moment’s notice for each other, and even when over the years, with the world of responsibility getting in the way for some of them from time to time, still when it really matters they are each able to be there, like tonight.
The red carpet is a necessary evil of the business he calls a career, one of many job requirements where he is placed in a position of answering the same questions over and over that either push too far into the realm of personal information or attempt to pull that one, small nugget of unknown detail about the movie being promoted which could land him in the hot seat with Marvel’s powers-that-be if he found himself unable to circumvent around the topic at hand. Sebastian has learned the ropes quick enough in his time portraying Bucky Barnes, thankful that early on he was more a no-name part of the entire franchise, but since has become accustomed to leaning towards the lost puppy response of blissful ignorance which is usually bought easily enough as an adorable and endearing tactic. It is well known inside and out that Marvel does its best to keep anything from slipping, the rein on information being pulled even tighter during production of the last few films, what with two loose cannons answering to the names Mark Ruffalo and Tom Holland slipping here and there. Sebastian not wanting to be the one to eventually tempt fate and finding himself that one thread that could be cut at any time because he couldn’t keep his big mouth shut continues utilizing the innocent ignorance as his answer to the trickier questions. Can’t get into trouble if you claim to not know anything. It’s the easiest way out, and sometimes even the truth to the matter in question, because no one on the receiving end of any script knows everything.
The most recent trip down the red (or in this particular case, purple) carpet for the latest installment of the MCU was really no different than all the others he’d walked before. Being pointed and pulled this way and that, answering questions about his character, and what viewers could expect in the bookend film. He offered general responses that provided little to no further insight than what has already been seen in past movies and current trailers, along with one over-the-top question and answer where Mackie and he crossed paths at one point, but for however much tonight having been another red carpet in a series of red carpets he’s walked and will walk in premiers to come, there still remained a heightened awareness overshadowing the mass of actors assembled for this particular premier night that reminded Sebastian all the same that this night would set the course of change no one (least of all him) was truly prepared for. It was an end and a beginning, with the departure of some beloved characters, and the spotlight shifting and refocusing onto those who would remain behind to pick up the pieces of a torn universe and persevere along with new faces still to come, filling the void left in the wake of Endgame.
The number of identifiable names and faces walking the carpet this evening was astonishing, leaving Sebastian feeling a bit more like the version of himself from years ago, awestruck and vibrating with naïve energy. Not so much the no-name from the first Captain America film, but more like the bright-shining new yet not so new face of The Winter Soldier follow-up. Tonight being the only premier he’s been required to attend for Endgame, he felt nervous and anxious the entire evening as he was passed from one media head to the next, answering questions, pausing more than he’d like because what some people may not know or realize is sometimes, when he’s put on the spot by stickier questions, a panic wire trips and his brain suddenly defaults to Romanian causing a few hems and haws before he’s able to rearrange the wires and words in order to respond in English. It’s frustrating at times, especially after all these years living in the United States and speaking the English language, but then again it also works in his favor, buying him time to ensure what he does answers doesn’t get him into any hot water.
There are many facets of himself that people who claim to think they know him aren’t aware. When he was pushing two hundred pounds during his prep for Civil War he experienced more than a few moments of panic, fearing he wouldn’t be able to drop the weight after and possibly gaining even more than was planned. Each time he tried on another shirt or pair of pants that didn’t quite fit the way they used to (if at all) it transported him back to the pudgy faced teen of his youth trying to fit in and it was only the reassuring words of his trainer that could talk him down from the panic ledge, assuring him that they would just change his regime after to ensure a healthy return to normal so to speak and a different plan for the next round of movie preparations that would mold and sculpt more than pack on the pounds.
His life is definitely not an open book and while he doesn’t much talk about his personal life in interviews or with any real seriousness, it may come as a surprise to some that he doesn’t see himself living the bachelor life forever. While he doesn’t have many serious relationships under his belt, not just since hitting the small and big screens but in his entire life, with his most known connection being an on again-off again with Margarita that in the end was more a friends with benefits affair, something that to him was more for comfort and support, a connection to the real world they both needed outside of Hollywood and acting, that doesn’t mean he’s a person not looking to settle down. There was a point he found himself thinking maybe Margarita was the one he could settle down with, but in the end he realized that is basically all it would have been, settling. Settling because it’s what everyone else expected, the answer his career dictated but in the end was not really what he wanted.
Growing up, while he had little memory of his birthfather in his mother’s life, he had watched his mom and stepfather’s relationship grow before marriage and continue to mature years after, and regardless of his lack of relationship tabloid fodder, Sebastian does see himself settling down at some point in the true sense of the phrase. He does want what his mom had with her second marriage, and asked the day of his stepfather’s funeral how she knew he’d been the one, to which her response was simply, When I looked at him, I could see a future I wanted to be part of. It wasn’t so much the words she said but the smile of fond memories, and glistening in her eyes of a love lost too soon that made more of an impact. If that was love, true end all be all love, then Sebastian knew that was something he wanted to be a part of.
In his younger adult years, Sebastian was never one to believe in love at first sight. Such a sentiment always seemed more a means to getting what someone wanted. No one could simply know the person they just met would be their end all, be all. No one could know that a perfect stranger was the person they were meant to be with for the rest of their life. Relationships are work (hard work). Love is getting to know someone and learning new things about each other every day, discovering the annoying habits that endeared the person even more, and fighting and working through to meeting on even ground. Love is accepting and respecting differences but not pushing to change each other, rather understand the differences. Love was ever growing, yet leaving each person to remember what drew them together in the first place. Love at first sight was just a fantasy made up for Lifetime and Hallmark movie plots and cheesy rom-coms, and yet there was one role that not only changed his career trajectory but his life as well. One moment that opened a door and introduced that one person he didn’t know he was meant to meet regardless of the idea of destiny and fate and the time old plot twist of love at first sight. It was simply a moment that was meant to be.
The first time Sebastian met Chris Evans, with his wide-open and welcoming smile, and full-bodied and infectious laugh inviting him in even if he didn’t understand the joke in the first place, those long sweeping lashes that softened and leant an innocence to a man of Chris’s physique no one would assume he was capable of, it definitely wasn’t the so-called whimsical Love at First Sight. No, Sebastian was a little bit too backwards and shy at the start, overwhelmed by the grand scale of a movie role he’d landed which induced a heaping amount of fear, but what Sebastian can admit to is there being an instant spark, a pull, a need to get to know this person who was nothing like himself and yet still sensing something else there, a kindred spirit of sorts, drawing him in with wanting to know not Chris Evans the movie start, but just getting to know Chris. There was definitely attraction at first sight, no question about that, because honestly, the straightest man in the world would be lying through their teeth if they couldn’t admit to Chris Evans being a fine specimen of man. Granted, not that Sebastian claims to being the straightest man in the world, so there was that, too. And as the days, weeks, months and years passed, that spark and pull and need between them changed into something bigger than either ever expected. A future that came out of nowhere and yet was just meant to be.
Another thing most don’t know is the first time Sebastian saw Chris Evan’s weathered and aged version of Steve Rogers was on the big screen earlier in the evening at the premier. They really didn’t have any scenes to film together once Steve Rogers had decided to not only return the Infinity Stones back to their rightful position in the various past points in the timeline but also remain there until he’d lived out a cookie-cutter life to a ripe old age (a revelation he still can’t get behind and finds a bit unsettling not only personally but for his character too). Filming in the MCU is never linear, so while on screen in the finished product Bucky is seen looking out to old man Steve Rogers’ back, Sebastian wasn’t on set for that particular filming between Anthony and Chris because that scene, that reveal, was on a need to know basis. It was too big a moment to possibly inadvertently spoil. Loose lips sink ships, as they say, and the less people in the know the better chance of keeping things under wraps until the end. Sebastian was one of the many who didn’t get a head’s up on what to expect in that ending scene between Sam and Steve, thus when he finally got a look at Chris Evans as old man Steve Rogers, aged and weathered, looking content and at peace with a life well lived, Sebastian felt the sucker punch a little deeper in that moment not just for Bucky but in the same breath, him as well. His mother’s words came rushing back to him in that moment, slamming just as deep within his chest because then and there, he caught a glimpse of a distant future he so desperately wanted to be a part of.
Flashing his keycard against his room’s swipe-pad, Sebastian opens the door once he’s seen the green flash and hears the lock mechanism turn granting entrance. Walking through the threshold he feels his body sag, the need to be there and present and alive waning as if the on switch for the night as been flipped as the door snicks shut and he can finally drop the façade of being actor Sebastian Stan and relax back into just being him, Sebastian, just a kid from Romania who doesn’t really know how he got to this point in his career but in the same breath does know and is grateful nonetheless to be able to make a living doing what he loves. There is just more to life than acting, and thankfully acting isn’t all he has to look forward to when each day comes to an end.
There are a pair of expensive shoes a few steps in from the door, not lined up neatly but rather stepped out of and cast aside. Sebastian smirks at them, tapping them out of the way and slipping his own equally pricey footwear off to line them up together. As he enters the expansive room, which houses a living room set up and bedroom like a small open concept apartment in New York, he catches sight a familiar blue suit jacket tossed over the end of the couch and a matching pair of pants leading to the bed (belt still lopped through) discarded on the floor. Chuckling to himself, Sebastian begins divesting himself in the same fashion, thinking it late enough to not care about proper etiquette that can wait until he isn’t as worn down from the night’s events and equally drowsy from alcohol consumed.
He isn’t drunk, he being far older and wiser to allow himself to get wasted when there are prying eyes and hidden reporters just waiting to pounce on a scoop to drag down anyone they can for a name in the byline of a juicy story, but he’s finally feeling the drain and pull on a body that isn’t old, but no longer considered Young Hollywood. In his boxer briefs and undershirt, Sebastian crawls up the bed from the bottom, joining and cozying up to the sleep warmed body of his boyfriend. The bed’s movement must rouse the other occupant because next Sebastian knows there’s a roll-dip and he’s being pulled more securely in with a blind kiss being placed on his forehead and sleepily mumbled, “Hey, Babe,” breathed against his skin.
This is his present. Stolen moments when they have scheduled set times together and during press and red carpet events. Fleeting weekends where they both have the same time off spent either in New York, or Massachusetts, or California. Facetime calls with them on opposite ends of the globe because it’s the best they have but is never truly enough. It’s a future he never dreamed possible back when he received the offer to be James Buchanan Bucky Barnes, never fathomed anything more than a one movie stint as a forgotten bit character part yet ended up changing his life both professionally and personally. This present is what he wants to see grow into a new and better future.
“Hey,” Chris whispers again, this time eyes focused in the dim lighting, thumb sweeping across his cheek. “You okay? Have a good night with the boys?”
Sebastian swallows thickly, nodding his response before speaking, voice tight. “Yeah, it was good. Tired though.”
Chris hums, hand resting on the side of Sebastian’s neck, eyes studying him and Sebastian knows there is no hiding from Chris. They know each other too well at this point.
“What did you think?” Chris asks, because this is the first they’ve been able to openly talk about it. The first where there are no secrets between them because of a contract they have no control over.
“Honestly?” Sebastian asks, to which Chris nods. “I really fucking hate Steve Rogers right now.”
Chris laughs, more awake than when Sebastian first crawled into bed, but it isn’t his normal full-bodied uproar, and yet he can’t help smiling back.
“Join the club,” Chris murmurs, a slight pressure from the hand on his neck before it snakes around and pulls Sebastian even closer.
They are quiet for a moment, breathing in, breathing out, enjoying the moment together that will be gone before they know it as they are heading in opposite directions in the morning for who knows how long. Too long for Sebastian’s liking, but it’s their life, the whole absence makes the heart grow fonder can just bite his ass for all he’s concerned, but it is what they have to do to make this work. Sacrifice and compromise and play the games their management requires. It will all be worth it in the end. It has to be if it means he gets to spend it with Chris.
“There is one thing I learned tonight,” Sebastian says against Chris’s chest before looking up to meet Chris’s eyes.
“What’s that?”
“I’m looking forward to growing old with you.”
Chris’s eyes soften as he leans down to press an unusually chaste kiss against his lips. It’s tender and sweet and feels more intimate than anything they’ve shared before. It’s a kiss full of mutual feelings that have grown over time and still seek to stretch the bounds of love and caring and devotion. It’s a kiss that promises another future he never dreamed possible but is there all the same, just waiting for them to catch up.