Empathy Amplified

by Filsamek

Summary:

It was cold. Bone chillingly cold. Mikey wanted someone to reach out and hold him.
He didn’t deserve to be held.
What?
Finally, Mikey could breathe. He craved the sweet relief of oxygen coursing through his veins.
But the breathing was too fast. It was too fast and Mikey couldn’t stop it and- it didn’t sound like him. He didn’t sound like Mikey.
He didn’t feel like Mikey.
He felt fear.
He heard nothing.
He smelled copper.
Heck, he tasted copper.
And he wished he didn’t see.
But he did. And he saw the Kraang. Worse, the Kraang saw him. It’s eyes could shoot straight through Mikey’s skull with how intently it was staring.
Wait, it wasn’t just staring.
It was targeting.
And Mikey was hit with a tidal wave of fear and loss and horror and regret and
relief?
OR Mikey’s always been one to shoulder his brother’s pain. What happens when the family therapist begins to experience mystic empathy? New powers plus old habits die hard.

Notes:

hehe hi!! This is my first fic in YEARS. Guess that’s what turtle power does to a fella. And I’m SUPER EXCITED. It’s also my first post on ao3 (wowowowowow) so forgive any typos/messy bits I’ll adjust.
I’ll post my socials in the next coming chapters me thinks!
But for now I’m just so happy ur here and I hope u like it I had such a blast writing the first chapter at 5 am
Much love, any and all support appreciated!

Chapter 1: Making pancakes making bacon pancakes

Mikey jumped up and crossed off his calander with an exaggerated X, followed by a few stray doodles. Today was barely different from the familiarity of every other day since the day-that-shall-not-be-named. Except for one small thing.

It had been one month.

One month since the near end of the world. One month since the beginning of their new lives.

But in that one month, Mikey was finally able to write that big, exaggerated X again without seizing up or fumbling the marker. And as of today, Mikey was cleared to return to his previous life. He had grudgingly waited out the 30 days until he could return to regularly crafting and creating- return to using his hands.

He hoped Donnie had remembered the clearing. It was sorta definitely a spur of the moment get Mikey to stop pestering him kind of promise.

But after the breakfast Mikey was preparing to spoil his brothers with, he was confident Donnie wouldn’t be able to stay mad (assuming he’d get mad. He’d probably get mad. He’d never stopped being on edge the past month).

Mikey cheated about twelve seconds out of his toothbrushing routine. It was enough he didn’t skip the task entirely with his uncontainable anticipation for the day. Quickly throwing on his arm/leg bands and mask, he bounced ecstatically to the kitchen.

He had a whole month to plan this meal! He’d spent countless nights rummaging through old recipes, researching new ones, and even creating new ones with his unwavering imagination. This was gonna be the first breakfast with all his brothers since that day- it had to be perfect.

He ultimately decided on pancakes.

Pancakes left no room for uncertainty. Mikey knew everyone’s favorites- it was practically in his muscle memory.

If his muscles still had memory after all they went through.

Mikey slowed his stride, sending a glance to the spiderwebbed scars which engulfed his arms. They emerged from the tip of his fingers, only fading as it reached his shoulders.
He had been completely unable to use his hands, he hadn’t dared tried using his mystic powers.

At least, not on purpose.

But it wasn’t anything concerning! Sure, a handful of times he’d woken up a few inches off his mattress. And maybe once in a while his scars would emit a gentle, orange, hue for seemingly no reason at all.

It wasn’t concerning, just… unsettling.

Mikey frantically shook his head. No bad thoughts we’re invited to his special, family breakfast.
___

The process of physically preparing breakfast cleared away any doubts Mikey was still harboring about his hands. What had Donnie been so worried about? The tremor in his hands was prevalent, but it didn’t do more than leave hints of frustration in its wake.

The process of actually getting his brothers to join for breakfast, though, still riddled Mikey with doubts.

But he put on a brave face. Slapping on that classic Mikey smile (trademark pending), he broke into a skip towards Raph’s room.

His skipping didn’t cease till he was right beside Raph’s bed, hovering over his big bro who was sprawled out to the best of his capabilities in his full-sized bed. Mikey stood for a brief moment, basking in the warmth of seeing his brother at peace. It was comforting to see him sleep, Raph had earned it. They’d all earned it, but each brother was reluctant to cash out.
Too bad Mikey made breakfast.

“Raph. Raph. Raph. Raphraphraphraphraph.” Mikey was not an empathetic alarm clock. He got straight to the point, much to all his sibling’s dismay.

“Mrrrm…” It only took four pokes to the face until Raph let out a gurgled noise. Using only his neck, Raph flipped his head sideways quickly and dramatically.
“Mikey. What time is it?”

Uh oh. Mikey ever so carefully pulled out his phone.

6:53 am.

“8 o clock?”

Raph let his head fall back with a gentle thump on his pillow.

“Ok so I maybeeee forgot to check the time, but I was just too excited and I swear I thought it was later but I made breakfast for everyone-“ Mikey’s spit fire shots were interrupted as Raph flipped his head up, this time with his entire upper body.

“You made breakfast? Mikey, you’re not supposed to be using your hands”

“Donnie said I could! He said one month!” Mikey saw Raph’s shoulders tense as he mimicked Mikey from just seconds ago, carefully pulling out his own phone.

For Mikey, today was a milestone. For everyone else, it was just an amplifier to unwanted memories.

He wouldn’t be mentioning the date again if he could help it.

Mikey was pulled from his thoughts with an exasperated sigh from his eldest brother. Raph dragged his hands over his face, slightly drooping his bottom eyelids downwards, then grabbed his mask from the bedside table.

Mikey let out a celebratory squeal very unfit for 6:55 in the morning. He hoisted himself off Raph’s bed, grinning from ear to ear. Mikey stomped his feet at lightning speed, then made a beeline for the door.

“Oh, and could you wake the others for me thank you Raph byeeeeee!”

And with that the blur of orange vanished. Raph rolled his eyes with a smile, tightening his mask and heading after Mikey.

_____

Nearly ten minutes later, Raph entered the kitchen, stretching his arms towards the ceiling with an elongated yawn. Mikey noticed his brother entered alone, and narrowed his eyes in question.
“They’re coming, they’re coming. Donnie took a little extra work, but they’re coming.”

Mikey’s glare flipped to a giant grin. He turned back to his work, finishing plating the last of his brothers’ meals. Mikey grabbed Raph’s plate, a triple stack of chocolate chip and walnuts, and turned to deliver it. Raph was already seated, utensils gripped in each hand.

“What?” He let out. “You’re not the only one excited for breakfast. I’ve missed you’re cooking, little dude”.

Mikey couldn’t hold back an excited whimper. Raph was always so good to him. Thank goodness he could finally do something for him.

Mikey slid Raph’s plate in front of him and snuck in a quick hug around his big brother’s shoulders before running back to work. As he was placing Donnie’s plate of banana pancakes (syrup in a saucer on the side, of course) in its rightful spot, Donnie marched through the doorway.

Oooooh he did not look happy.

Mikey shot a desperate glance to Raph, pleading for him to defuse the oncoming situation.

“Michaelangelo, I thought I had seen enough tomfoolery for a lifetime out of Leo these past few weeks, what with all his sneaking out of the medbay and skipping sleep to train and other unimaginable neglect that could only come from a dumb-dumb such as himself, but YOU-“

“Donnie. Later.”

“Wha- I- SCOFF! But Raph he-“ Donnie motioned towards Mikey and that’s when he was cornered by the biggest pair of puppy-dog eyes. Any other day, Donnie would’ve plowed right through his younger brother’s tactics.

But damn it those pancakes looked good.

And it had been a really long time since he’d eaten Mikey’s food.

Donnie didn’t say a word as he took his seat across from Raph.

Mikey painted his face with a triumphant smirk. He was mere milliseconds from teasingly poking the beast that was his purple clad brother when he caught sight of Leo.

His brother was up and walking- not exactly perfectly, but he was walking and he was here. They were all here. Mikey could ignore the invisible sheath of unspoken trauma weighing down the room because his brothers were here.

Before Mikey could tear up, Leo cut in.

“Best for last, baby! Hope you saved some for me- holy heck did Mikey make custom favorites”, Leo flung himself over Donnie’s shoulder to get a look at the pancake pile. “Mikey did you make our favorites?!”

“Why don’t you get off me and go check in with the chef.” Donnie was never one to hide his morning grumpy spells. He turned in his chair and grabbed Leo’s mask tails, tugging just enough to pull Leo away.

“OW- FOUL PLAY! Mikey, oh great brother of mine, please allow me one of Donnie’s pancakes to atone for his transgressions against me.”

“You don’t even like bananas, Nardo.”

 

“Don’t worry Leo, I’ve got yours coming right up!”

Mikey relished in the familiarity of the scene that had lately become all too unfamiliar. He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, but unlike earlier, this time he was smiling. He didn’t want to get caught up in his head, otherwise he’d start crying. It’d be out of joy, of course, but it’d still spark his brothers to switch into overprotective mode. Mikey could let the importance of this moment sink in later. For now, he would focus on Leo’s meal.

How Leo discovered the blueberry peanut butter pancake combo the world may never know, but it was always Mikey’s favorite to make. It was so absurd, but it was exciting making something original. Mikey heard Leo approaching from behind right as he finished dressing his masterpiece in hot syrup.

“WOW, I’d suffer near fatal injuries a thousand times over if it meant getting to eat Mikey’s pancakes again and again.”

Mikey could feel a chuckle ready to escape from his mouth, but it stopped short as Leo gently placed his hand on Mikey’s shoulder.

•••
He couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t he breathe? Didn’t he remember how? He did, but that wasn’t the issue. His airways were shut off. He couldn’t explain it, but it was like his bodily functions just flipped the switch.

Mikey’s gaze was fixed on Leo’s pancakes. He was no stranger to panic attacks, but this felt… foreign. Trying to ground himself, Mikey began going over any and every minute detail on the breakfast in front of him.

But he couldn’t pinpoint anything. The whole scene kept flickering with a monochrome hue.

It was cold. Bone chillingly cold. Mikey wanted someone to reach out and hold him.
He didn’t deserve to be held.

What?

Finally, Mikey could breathe. He craved the sweet relief of oxygen coursing through his veins.

But the breathing was too fast. It was too fast and Mikey couldn’t stop it and- it didn’t sound like him. He didn’t sound like Mikey.

He didn’t feel like Mikey.

He felt fear.

He heard nothing.

He smelled copper.

Heck, he tasted copper.

And he wished he didn’t see.

But he did. And he saw the Kraang. Worse, the Kraang saw him. It’s eyes could shoot straight through Mikey’s skull with how intently it was staring.
Wait, it wasn’t just staring.

It was targeting.

And Mikey was hit with a tidal wave of fear and loss and horror and regret and

relief?

•••
His vision blinked back. He still couldn’t make a sound, but he could move. His weight rushed forward, but luckily he was standing at the counter. Mikey caught himself quickly, but not quick enough.

“Mikey, you alright there?”

He couldn’t look at Leo. Instead, he squeezed his eyes shut and gave the biggest grin he could manage.

“Yep! Gonna take a bathroom break. Start without me, ‘kay?”

Mikey didn’t give any of his brothers a second to respond. Or maybe they did, Mikey couldn’t tell over the ringing in his ears. Once he rounded the corner, he broke into a sprint, nausea threatening to prevail with each coming second. But Mikey was fast. He made it just in time to violently collapse on the floor, his body angrily ejecting whatever it could from the contents of his stomach.

Mikey went to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand, stopping inches from his face as if abruptly grabbed by an invisible force.

It had started to fade, but it was all too obvious.

His mystic hands were blanketed in that sickening, golden, glow.

Chapter 2: Emotion-Feeling, Feeling Emotion

Summary:

Mikey gets some time to think. But he's not a fan of the default method of "thinking". Time to put that Mikey sparkle to some planning use!

Mikey visual thinker boy.

Notes:

Omigosh, two chapters in one day (I have so many scenes I want to hurry and get to and im EEEEE)
I'm so full of happy being able to write and share this. Big hearts and thank u to any and all support!! I'm having a blast and i hope y'all are enjoying it so far <3!

CW/TW for: vomitting
I believe it's just for that but plz lmk if I missed any!

also feel free to call out typos or ideas or anything I really do not mind I love comments I love yall mwah

OH AND I FORGOT [edit] u can find me on tiktok @thistiktokisnotreal and on twitter @heg2468 my handle is never the same because I am super stealthy and certainly not because I’m indecisive surely not. I love talking about turtles. Come find me if u want!

Mikey was confident there was nothing left for his stomach to reject (and therefore eject), but boy was he wrong. He wondered for a moment if his stomach had opened a portal just to find something more to vomit. He gave a lighthearted huff to himself before hurling over once more.

 

More room for pancakes, I guess.

 

He spit out one last harsh bit of bile, scrunching his face with resentment at the whole situation.

Okay, one more spit just to finish with a good ol’ screw you at the betrayal of his abandoned stomach contents.

 

Mikey lazily reached upwards and pulled the handle, bidding farewell to the vile scent (and appearance) of his own vomit. He raised his hand and saluted. Even by himself, Mikey was a natural at lightening the mood.

 

That’s why he was the self proclaimed family therapist after all.

 

Motioning his hand downward, Mikey was pleasantly shocked to see his mystic glow had retracted, leaving his usual scars behind. It was probably the first time he felt any sort of positive emotion towards them.

 

That’s not true, he saved his brother with them.

 

But did his brother even want to be saved?

 

Stop. He’d think about whatever accidental mystic connection(?) thing he’d had with his brother later. Right now, he had to get back to breakfast. Mikey gripped the edge of the sink and pulled himself upwards, only for his legs to give out under the pressure and send him recoiling to his knees. 

 

His hands didn’t scorch white hot flames across his arms like when he opened the portal, so he figured this was an okay energy output his body had decided to spring on him.

But the exhaustion , man he did not miss this. It wasn’t even comparable to the day he literally ripped open space (plus the many following after), but it was certainly enough to be noticeable in his thoughts and movements.

 

Slowly loosening his grip, Mikey let his fingers slide off the harsh cold of the sink and instead onto the harsh cold of the floor. Now that he thought about it, the whole bathroom was cold. It wasn’t the temperature that caused discomfort to bubble deep within his bones, but the atmosphere. The way the dim lighting bounced off the metal surfaces created a kaleidoscope of reflections, and the way it contrasted Mikey’s signature orange made him feel out of place.

It was cold when he touched Leo, too.

 

Oops. Mikey had been doing a good (enough) job at pushing away those thoughts for all of… how many minutes had he’d been in here? Couldn’t have been that long since his brothers weren’t doing the whole overprotective-coddle-the-baby-brother routine. He let his eyes slip shut. Another minute couldn’t hurt. Or maybe ten.

 

As if waiting for his cue, Raph’s knuckles gently tapped the other side of the door.

 

“Mikey, buddy, you still in there?”

 

Raph’s gentle voice had the illusionary effect of a fire alarm as it fell on Mikey’s ears. He shot up, flailing at the sliding door to reveal his eldest brother’s towering figure.

 

“You feelin’ all right? You’re not lookin’ so hot”

 

Oh, did he look like a wreck? Mikey forgot to check during his rude awakening. He needed an excuse, quick. What did he usually use, again? His hands- wait no, not that one.

 

Raph just crossed his arms, raising one of his brows. “This is why we don’t usually start breakfast makin’ at six in the morning. Did ya’ sleep a wink last night?”

 

Perfect, Raph did all the thinking for him. Mikey super appreciated that, since his head was still clouded with , sticky, fog.

 

“Nope!” That’s about all Mikey could manage in reply, accompanied by a wide tooth grin, of course. It was easy to keep the smile plastered on as Mikey watched Raph bring a palm to his face, letting out a heavy sigh along the way. Mikey scurried past before Raph could attempt to persuade the youngest to rest. Raph admitted early defeat, he knew how much this simple family breakfast meant to his baby bro.

 

“Promise you’ll sleep after we eat?” Raph hollered after.

 

“Promise! Thanks, Raph!”

 

______

 

Mikey lasted all of fifteen minutes before his forearm supporting his chin gave out, resulting in a slow motion face plant against the table.

 

“Kid was too excited to sleep last night” Raph blurted out before Donnie or Leo even had the chance to panic. The three brothers each gave their own understanding eye rolls before Raph made a move, scooping up the youngest and escorting him to bed.

 

No one noticed Leo’s smile press together, tightening in concern.

__________

 

Mikey awoke in a daze, blindly caressing his bedsheets for his phone. Grasping it, he was thankful to realize someone plugged it in. He tapped the screen, letting the bluelight illuminate his face.

 

Raphie: Rest up, buddy!

 

Leo: You passed out on the table LMAO

 

A gif of a toddler toppling over. Haha, very funny Leo.

 

Donnie: Sleep well, Angelo.

 

Donnie: You’re getting an earful from me in the morning

 

There was a good amount of scrolling to do through bickering texts between Donnie and Leo in the group text before one last message from Raph telling the two they’d be in for it if they woke up Mikey. The last text was sent at 9:07 am. Mikey looked at the time- 6:31 pm. Not too bad of a wake up time, though Mikey knew he wouldn’t be falling back asleep till the early morning. He was conjuring up ideas of how to fill his free time when he’d end up the only one awake when the reality of the morning prior came rushing back to him.

 

It was reality, right? It must’ve been! Why else would Mikey have fallen asleep atop his breakfast? Well, he could’ve just been exhausted. But his exhaustion came from mystic- ARGH! Thinking things through was not Mikey’s strong suit. There was too much back and forth, too many thoughts collected just to be lost as soon as another burst into his mind. Mikey rocked his legs towards his chest, giving himself momentum to catapult off his mattress. Turning to the pile of art supplies he’d left sprawled on the floor, Mikey flipped to a new page in his sketchbook.

 

He let his slightly shaky hands lead his pen across the page, trying to tap into his feelings without assigning words to them. Mikey didn’t really know what he was drawing, just that he felt something real . His art was being fueled by emotions that weren’t necessarily his own. It was abstract, but it was… suffocating. Hastily sketched lines corrupted the page, closing in on the rare specs of white still prevalent on the paper.

 

Yeah… these weren’t imitated emotions.

 

Mikey positioned himself onto his knees, staring at the foreign work that had just erupted from his pen. It hurt to look at. Mikey swore he felt his heart drop straight out of his body. He pressed his hand against his plastron, searching for evidence that it was still, in fact, beating.

 

Mikey trusted feelings over thoughts. He didn’t know how, but he could feel this was Leo. It was the faintest glimpse at what Leo had been shouldering, but it ached.

 

It ached so bad.

 

Mikey could piece together a scene about the origins of these emotions from the tidbits Leo had reluctantly shared with his brothers about the prison dimension. He didn’t know if he had accidentally seen into Leo’s memories or if he was hallucinating back in the kitchen, but he knew one thing. Leo had left a whole lot of his story out.

 

How was anyone supposed to help him if he bundled it all up?! Mikey was a therapist, a self proclaimed therapist, sure, but not a mind reader! What good was Dr. Feelings’ years of education pursuing a PHD if all he was good for was speculating! Mikey couldn’t make his brothers talk, but he could push them towards a path for opening up. So what, even that was no good because CLEARLY Leo had been LYING about-

 

Wait. Rewind, how had he blown right past that?

 

Mind reading is literally what got him started on this mental whirlpool. Well, not mind reading mind reading. More like emotion-feeling.

 

Haha. Now that was a good name.

 

He had a good name, a scrapbook collage of a plan, and a whole lot of eagerness.

 

Now all he had to do was wait till his brothers fell asleep.

Chapter 3: Sharing is Caring

Notes:

A chapter a day keeps the doctor away. Or something. I'd make y'all wait for it and let the anticipation build and whatever but hear me out... no...
throws rapid fire chapters at u
As always, thanks for the support it fills my heart more than y'all know! <3!!!

@thistiktokisnotreal on tt
@heg2468 on twiter
@filsamek here !

[EDIT] ARGH GUYS I keep forgetting the CW/TWs my goodness I’ll get on top of that BUT
CW and or TW for: depressive thoughts, suicidal thoughts

Unfortunately for Mikey, his brothers sucked at falling asleep. Every half hour or so, Mikey would casually stroll past Leo’s train car just to be disappointed (and a little irritated) to see the lights still pouring out of his brother’s train car. Would his brother even go to sleep tonight? It wouldn’t exactly be out of the norm if he didn’t… but Mikey was riddled with anticipation to put his plan into action. Thinking about it, he could just try his emotion-feeling while Leo was awake. It’d be a lot harder to work stealthily though, what with all the glowing hands and all.

 

Wait, did Leo notice? Had he seen Mikey’s hands flare up back in the kitchen? Mikey sank his head a little into his shell on reflex. All he could do was hope not, because even if Mikey wasn’t doing anything wrong his brothers would still find a way to put a stop to it. Sometimes it really stunk to have the label of ‘baby brother’ forever looming over his head.

 

Suddenly, the light from Leo’s train car retreated.

 

Yes!

 

Actually, it’d probably take Leo another hour just to fall asleep.

 

Damn.

 

Still, Mikey approached to peek through the tarp covering the gaping hole Raph pummeled through the steel walls one month ago. Ever so gently, he reached his hand out when-

 

“MIKEY!” Donnie spouted, dramatically clutching the area over his heart. “Warn a guy next time, would ya?”

 

Donnie had flung open the tarp from the other side before Mikey could even wrap his fingers around the scratchy, blue material. Why was he in Leo’s room?

 

“Why are you outside Leo’s room?”

 

Damn, he should’ve been quicker to open his mouth.

 

“Why are you in Leo’s room?” Mikey knew this deflection would only alert Donnie’s overprotective-brother-alarm, but Mikey needed some time to think up an excuse for himself.

 

Donnie let out a quick sigh, glancing backwards and nodding his head towards his twin who was conked out less than majestically over his mattress. Mikey smiled, and Donnie could only assume it was out of relief for his sleeping brother. Little did he know that smile had a bit more selfishness behind it. Selfishness to be not selfish and help his brother! So it was okay.

 

“Because,” Donnie started “That dumb-dumb practically dragged me out of his lab for some quote on quote ‘twin bonding time’”. Donnie said that last part with the added emphasis of air quotes, using four out of six fingers to do so. “Only to pass out a mere ten minutes later after having the audacity to interrupt my work. I suspect he just didn’t want to fall asleep alone since-” Donnie’s voice caught in his throat, realizing who it was he was spilling this information to.

 

Mikey did not like the change in expression one bit. 

 

Great, big brother mode activated .

 

“Sorry,” Donnie darted his eyes to the floor. “Don’t let Leo know I let that slip.”

 

“I suspected as much”. Mikey lied. “That’s why I came to check on him”. Lied again. Mikey felt a hint of guilt creep in his stomach, but this was the best way to disengage big brother mode! By redirecting it to twin-brother-protection-protocol!

 

Donnie peeled his eyes from the floor, looking to Mikey and then back at Leo.

 

“Yeah… seems he didn’t sleep last night either”. That pulled Donnie’s attention back to Mikey. “On that note, how are you feeling? I hope you’re well rested after that stunt you pulled this morning.” Donnie’s eyes stared darts into Mikey’s own with that last part.

 

“I’m totally fine! I literally slept the day away, Donnie! See?” Mikey cracked a gimmicky grin and pointed to his own face. “ YOU on the other hand- ” Oops, he didn’t mean to deflect twice in one conversation, but it was true. Donnie looked exhausted .

 

“Yeah, yeah, you can stop right there. I was already on my way to fix that, scout’s honor”. Oh, nice! Donnie must’ve been really off his game if he wasn’t able to catch that little slip up of Mikey’s. Guess he really was tired. And clearly did not wanna talk about how it appeared on his face. “I’d tell you to do the same, but as you said, someone slept the day away.” Donnie teasingly caressed his younger brother’s head as he walked past Mikey. “Night, Angelo. Try not to wake him”.

 

WOW, everything was really working in Mikey’s favor tonight! The universe must’ve been on his side. “Night, Dee!” Donnie waved a lazy hand as he walked, then vanished around the corner.

Mikey followed suit, disappearing behind the tarp as quietly as he could.

 

Leo didn’t even stir as Mikey kneeled beside him and settled onto the floor. Propping himself on his knees, Mikey searched Leo’s face, carefully scanning for any warning signs of waking up. Nothing. Leo’s chest continued to rhythmically rise and fall, blanketing bits of anxiety that Mikey hadn’t realized had begun to rise in his own chest.

 

So… what now? Should he just…

 

Mikey tightly closed his eyes and braced for impact as he sloooowlyyyy rested his palm atop Leo’s.

 

…

 

He pried one eye open.

 

Nope, still just plain old Mikey.

 

Maybe it didn’t work while sleeping? He’d wait a few more minutes just to be sure. It was kinda nice to just sit and watch his brother sleep. It was rare Mikey ever fell asleep after Leo. As kids, Mikey hated being the last one up. It’d only happened on a handful of occasions, but each time someone awoke to find Mikey curled up, crying into his knees.

 

“Mikey?” Leo hobbled over, one hand rubbing his eye and the other tightly wrapped around a ragged, faded, baby blue blanket.

 

“Whu happened?” The seven-year-old could barely keep his head from lolling forward as he crouched down beside his baby brother.

 

The six-year-old couldn’t form any words through the harsh, uneven breaths escaping his lungs. Instead, he just turned to Leo, grasping at his brother’s oversized hoodie sleeve. He was lucky Leo found him this time and not Donnie, or else he’d surely get scolded for drenching his brother in the combination of sweat and snot.

 

After a minute, Mikey’s sobs slowed into hiccups.

 

“Don’t- I don’t- know… just…” Mikey raised his head, looking up at his older, braver, brother clouded by the mist of tears. “Don’t like… it”

 

“Don’t like what, bro?” Leo gently pet Mikey with his free hand. He was way too good at comforting others for a seven-year-old.

 

“...alone”

 

Mikey was never the last one awake after that. It took him a bit longer than he’d like to realize how many nights Leo could be seen fighting the weight pressing his eyelids closed, demanding the sleep necessary on a growing boy. But, he never once gave in until he was sure the youngest had fallen into a consistent sleep.

 

Mikey smiled at the memory. His brother’s were too good for him. Way too good for him.

 

And, of course, when he finally thought of a way to return the favor, his body wouldn’t comply.

 

Some mystic warrior he is.

 

Pushing away the discomfort of defeat, Mikey tapped Leo’s phone. It had been almost ten minutes, he wasn’t getting anywhere like this. He put his other hand on top of his own, which was already on top of Leo’s. A hint of remorse could be seen in Mikey’s smile.

 

“Night, night, Leo”.

 

“night , night, Leo!”

 

Mikey adjusted his lower body, positioning his legs to push himself up. His two hands gently pressed into Leo’s one as he began to rise.

 

Mikey’s breath hitched. 

 

He carefully lowered his body back to the floor, eyes pried open, stuck, staring, scared .

 

“Worthless”

 

Shit, was someone in here with them? 

 

Mikey forced his head to move, every inch of his mind screaming as he did so. His mind shook his entire being with shivering aches, begging his body to comply. He was too scared, he didn’t wanna look, he-

 

He didn’t have to finish turning. The voice continued, and this time Mikey could pinpoint its location.

 

“Pathetic”

 

That was his head. And it was really loud too.

 

Mikey whipped his head to its original position and- Oh, duh. How could he’ve been so slow to connect two dots right in front of him?

 

His hands were painstakingly bright against the darkness of Leo’s room. Ow, it was not this bright last time .

 

Actually, it was. His pupils just wouldn’t stop dilating.

 

Mikey wanted to celebrate because he was doing it, he really was doing it , but he didn’t. He couldn’t . 

 

Why had he thought he could do anything worth celebrating? Why had he thought he was anyone worth celebrating?

 

“Shut up. This isn’t about you me”

 

W o a h, that one stung.

 

Mikey did not like that. The phrase clouded his already muddied mind. He couldn’t focus on Leo but he didn’t want to focus on himself but he was getting dizzy ‘cause his thoughts were spinning and the room was spinning and-

 

Oh. He failed to connect two dots again... He was passing out.

 

_________

 

When Mikey came to (he had no idea how long he’d been out), it took a concerning amount of time for his senses to catch up with him. He had to fight against his own body to open his eyes, but he needed to see. His hearing was blocked by a faint ringing and his scent was filled with unfamiliarity. Not to mention his sense of touch, which wasn’t applicable because he wasn’t touching anything . Sorta like he was floating.

 

He managed his eyes open no more than a quarter of the way, but something was… off. It was like seeing through someone else’s prescription. He knew from experience back when he used to goof around trying on Donnie’s glasses before the headaches became too much.

 

The headache right now was, in fact, too much.

 

Mikey wanted to shut his eyes again, but the fear of not knowing his surroundings (well, what he could make out of them) itched the back of his throat and brought the familiar, stinging, threat of tears to his eyes.

 

Worst of all, he was alone.

 

Mikey thought he got over that stupid fear ages ago, but here he was, yearning for his brothers like he was six years old again.

 

And that made him sick because he deserved this.

 

Deserved the suffering

 

He managed a blink. Mikey didn’t even know what the suffering was because he didn’t know where he was or how he got here but he did know, Mikey, you can FEEL IT YOU’RE THE ONE WHO BEGGED THEM TO CLOSE YOU IN HERE-

 

Why would he ever beg to be alone?

 

Because this is your fault.

 

You’re a shit leader.

 

Mikey wasn’t a leader he…

 

…was Leo?

 

Okay… Okay! He didn’t know how long the connection would last, he needed to take in everything he could, fast. Leo Mikey could only make out shapes and colors, a literal flashback/vision was more than his powers could handle right now. But it was enough, because as a looming pink and gray figure blended into his mish-mash vision, he was able to latch on to something easier- a feeling.

 

Actually, many feelings. Mainly fear. And it only escalated as the figure rapidly approached at a speed Mikey couldn’t keep up with. He wasn’t able to brace himself.

 

He didn’t need to. As the Kraang fist collided with his(?) body, he didn’t feel a thing. For once, thank goodness his powers were too weak to connect with the first that literally just connected with his plastron. Because that definitely shattered more than a few ribs. But that relief quickly subsided. He earned that pain, he deserved it. He caused so much pain for everyone else please just let him repay it with this please .

 

He needed to be hit. Again. And again and even again after that. And maybe, just maybe his body would be kind enough to give out along the way because as much as he needed it…

 

It hurt . He wanted it to end.

 

Please, let it end.

 

Let me… die…

 

Mikey shot up, the glow that had been covering his body extinguishing immediately. He was fighting for breath, but all he could do was wheeze faster and faster and-

 

Without thinking better of himself, Mikey frantically scrambled next to Leo on the bed and lifted his brother into his arms, uncontrollably clenching his fingernails into Leo’s shoulder blades in some sort of delusional attempt at a hug.

 

He was confused. He was confused and scared and didn’t know if he was hugging Leo for Leo’s sake or for his own.

 

“Mikey..?” Well, of course that would wake Leo up, what the hell was he thinking?!

 

But Mikey just couldn’t pull away.

 

“Mikey!” Leo was fully awake and definitely in a panic now. “Mikey, look at me”.

 

All Mikey could do was shake his head in response. Over and over and over and-

 

“MICHELANGELO!”

 

Uh oh. Mikey released his rigid grip around his brother, slowly pulling back. He still wouldn’t look Leo in the eyes, though. This was probably enough.

 

It wasn’t enough. Leo adjusted his head so he was awkwardly positioned in Mikey’s field of view.

 

“I’m gonna need you to take some breaths for me, okay mi hermano ?” Mikey appreciated the normalcy of that last part. He met Leo’s gaze a little less reluctantly, granting his brother with the slightest nod.

 

“Good, great! Together, okay? Breathe in”, Leo overexaggerated the inhale, puffing out his chest in hopes it would be easier for Mikey to follow along. It was. Still, it burned and cramped as they kept inhaling for two, three, four.

 

“Aaaand out”. Leo let his tightened muscles sink, prompting Mikey to do the same. Then they did it again. And once more. And Leo kept telling Mikey how good he was doing but it started to fall on deaf ears because wow Mikey was spent.

 

But he was meant to be helping Leo , not the other way around.

 

But then Leo started petting Mikey’s head, starting directly above his brow line and slowly dragging his palm to where his head and neck met.

 

He fell asleep.

Chapter 4: Heeeey, That's My Trauma

Notes:

You guys- I am SO. HAPPY. a lot of y'all are liking this lil fic all the comments on here and tiktok make me kick my feet and jump around. No warnings for this chapter I believe!

Leo obviously didn’t go back to sleep last night.

 

He knew something was off with his little bro immediately when Mikey ran out of the kitchen the day before. Coincidentally, Mikey went pale right after Leo had cracked a ‘post apocalypse remember how we all almost died’ joke, which his brothers seemed to have permanently labeled under the ‘too soon’ category.

 

Leo had beat himself up about it earlier, but right now it didn’t seem like something to fuss over.

 

Weird.

 

Mikey didn’t stir even once in his sleep, also weird since the teenager had just been sobbing in Leo’s arms mere hours before. He was knocked out.

 

Leo was glad to see him getting some sleep. Leo decided to move Mikey to his own bed once he was positive Mikey wouldn’t wake up during the process. He’d obviously feel guilty for waking Leo, and hopefully waking up in his own bed would give him a few moments of peace before remembering the night before.

 

There was enough guilt in their home to fill an entire country right now. Leo’d do anything to ward out any unnecessary spurts to add to the pile.

 

He himself had carried enough guilt for a lifetime or two.

 

Not right now, though. Well, his guilt was always there, just it wasn’t prevalent at the moment.

 

Leo tucked Mikey into his hammock, pressed his forehead against Mikey’s own, then returned to his room.

 

He grabbed his phone and flopped backwards on his now Mikey-less mattress.

 

‘Where u at?’ It didn’t even take 30 seconds for a reply to ping Leo’s phone

 

‘Where do you think?’ Rude, but fair enough. Donnie was rarely anywhere but his lab, especially after everything that’d happened.

 

Leo sent an eye roll emoji back.

 

‘Cool, I’m coming in’. Leo didn’t move an inch out of bed.

 

‘You most certainly are not.’ Ha. Knew it. Predictable Donnie.

 

‘Fine, then you come out’.

 

‘I’m busy, Nardo’.

 

‘Mikey had a bad night’.

 

Aaaaand there it is. If Donnie was trying to be quiet at… Leo checked his phone… 4:30 in the morning, he was not doing a great job. It didn’t even take two minutes for Donnie to barge into Leo’s room, making himself comfortable in Leo’s bean bag chair.

 

“Come in ”, Leo spat sarcastically. Donnie only rolled his eyes, refusing to give Leo the satisfaction of a verbal response.

 

“What happened?” Donnie didn’t seem to be in the mood for chitchat. In his defense, Leo did just kind of pull out the family’s ‘drop everything you’re doing’ trump card. Well, for everyone but Mikey, at least.

 

Leo let a sigh escape his mouth, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of his bed to face Donnie.

 

“I don’t really know”, Leo paused, waiting for some snarky, questioning response from his twin. Donnie’s expression didn’t change, encouraging Leo to continue. “He just… I was sleeping and he didn’t even say anything he just picked me up and he was holding on way tighter than usual like seriously you gotta get a load of the marks he left on my back-“

 

“Leo”.

 

“Sorry. Anyway, he was having a really bad panic attack, like, real bad . I didn’t even get a word out of him before he passed out on my bed”. Donnie perked up at that last bit. “Not like, passed out passed out. We were doing the whole ‘follow my breathing’ stuff and his lack of sleep caught up to him”.

 

“He slept the entire day,” Donnie began. “I ran into him while leaving your room last night… he seemed alright then.”

 

“Yeah, well he’s real good at the whole ‘seeming alright’ bit”.

 

“You’re one to talk”.

 

“I am fine , Donnie”. Leo knew his words would mean little to nothing to Donnie but what the hell was that? They weren’t talking about him right now and for what it’s worth, he really was feeling fine (besides the whole Mikey situation). Leo couldn’t put his finger on it, but he woke up feeling… lighter. He’d adjusted to the constant weight on his chest, so much so that he forgot it was even there- until it wasn’t. He still wasn’t feeling good , per se, but the hopelessness that had embedded in his core felt distant.

 

It was a start. Guess time really did heal all wounds.

 

“ Alright - alright, just-“ He caught himself, but Donnie was definitely a smidge more irritable than normal today. The dark circles which settled under his eyes suggested lack of sleep. Figures.

 

Donnie let out what felt like the hundredth sigh this conversation. “Let’s just wait until a reasonable hour and when Raph wakes we’ll-“

 

“Don’t-!” Leo did not like the hint of desperation in his voice.” “Don’t tell Raph yet. Please. You know how he gets and Mikey came to me so… I’ll talk to Mikey. After he rests. I was just hoping you could… keep an eye on him.”

 

With that, Donnie I rose to his feet. He positioned his hands behind his battle shell (why the hell was he still wearing that?) and leaned backwards slightly, positioning his chest upwards. “A simple task, Nardo. I’ll see to it that it’s done”.

 

Donnie turned to leave, “thank you. For informing me. You’re not the only one who feared something was off with him, you know”.

 

Leo let a sympathetic smile creep across his face. “Sure thing, Don. And it probably doesn’t need to be said, but don’t tell Mikey about this”.

 

“ Scoff , obviously. And this likely doesn’t need to be said, but let me know how it goes”.

 

“Obviously. Now get some sleep, you look worse than usual”. That got Leo a light slap to the back of his head before Donnie headed out.

 

_________

 

Mikey woke up, for lack of a better word, exhausted . The irony would’ve gotten a chuckle out of him if he had even a teaspoon of energy, but just the idea of expressing anything made his breath hitch in his chest.

 

His inner clock was totally skewed, but unlucky enough for him, his phone was an entire arm’s length away. That’s ok, Mikey didn’t need the time anyway. He didn’t really care.

 

Mikey was becoming well acquainted with the way his energy drained after mystic mishaps. He may not have been the genius of the family, but he was smart enough to know that this wasn’t right .

 

There was something else adding to the pile.

 

It was heavy .

 

Thinking about it made the heaviness become crushing .

 

Well, whatever. Mikey knew he should’ve been concerned, but again, he just didn’t care .

 

Mikey stayed unmoving in the exact position he awoke it for at least… He didn’t know. No internal clock, remember? But it was probably a while. Probably. He let his mind take its time picking up the pieces and rebuilding his memories of the night before.

 

And hell did it hurt.

 

But this was good, he almost dared to say great. This is what he wanted!

 

Unbelievable. Thinking he deserved to want something.

 

The thought retreated to the corners of his mind as quickly as it had appeared. Those little voices at least gave something for Mikey to find the energy to feel. Irritated .

 

Still, it’s true this is what he wanted… His plan was working! He was ready to jump into action… Not literally of course. But he had what he needed. All that’s left was to find his prop glasses and schedule Leo for a surprise meeting with Dr. Feelings.

 

He’d been patient with Leo for a whole month, but they had to talk about this. Obviously .

 

All without letting Leo know he mystically invaded his mind while his brother was asleep. Simple!

 

…But… Later. Finding his glasses seemed like a lot right now.

 

Mikey was literally closing his eyes to go back to sleep, but the piercing light from the subway station barged into his room thanks to the slightest crack in the door. Mikey squinted against it as Leo’s head poked through the opening.

 

Score. Leo had come to him. Maybe he could find Mikey’s glasses while he was at it.

 

“...Leo..?” It shook Mikey at how soft his voice had come out. Or maybe he was literally shaking. He couldn’t tell.

 

“Mikey, you’re up!” The rest of Leo followed after his head, fully appearing in Mikey’s subway car. He gently shut the sliding behind him, forcing the light to retreat. Thank Pizza Supreme in the sky for that.

 

Leo placed himself on the far end of Mikey’s hammock. Mikey attempted to move, hoping the gesture would be enough of an invitation for his brother to join him comfortably in the center. He was almost successful, too, managing to sit his body upright before he dragged his head to follow. That proved to be a bad idea. Mikey’s got a glimpse of Leo through hazy black spots before the slider tilted dangerously across the room’s axis-

 

“Woah, woah, careful, Mike!” Oh, guess Mikey was the one who was tilting. He registered Leo’s touch. One hand was stretched across Mikey’s plastron, the other on his shoulder. “Didja’ wanna lie back down? I just came to check on you, I didn’t expect you to be up. It’s fine if you wanna sleep some more”. Mikey shook his head, which was still hanging downwards.

 

He met Leo’s eyes as he was slowly propped up and placed against a pile of pillows.

 

“…thanks.” Mikey gave a weak smile, then let his head fall against the steel wall beside him. It made a light ‘bonk’ as the two forces collided.

 

“Don’t mention it”. Leo took in the scene in front of him. Mikey looked at risk of slipping back into unconsciousness at any second. Leo didn’t know if he should say something now, or..? He wanted to give his youngest brother some time, maybe wait for a better time, but even in Mikey’s heart-wrenching state Leo could tell the silence was eating at the both of them.

 

“How are y-“

 

“How are you feeling, Leo?” Mikey was significantly quieter than Leo, yet Mikey’s question prevailed.

 

“How am I? Mikey, thank you, but-“

 

“S…sorry I… woke you”.

 

Well, shit. Leo could guess it was coming but god damn that pulled at his heartstrings. He went to reply, but could see Mikey wasn’t done. Leo sat patiently as Mikey fought against his own voice box.

 

“I was… I am…” mikey paused to take a couple deep breaths, steadying his voice. “Worried about you.”

 

Huh?

 

“Huh? Mikey, look-”

 

Leo was cut off for the third time in this conversation. Mikey was not beating around the bush.

 

“Why won’t you talk about it?”

 

The only response was silence. The way Mikey looked at him, pleading for something, anything out of Leo…

 

But Leo had no idea what Mikey was on about.

 

“What are you talking about, Mike? I’m trying to talk about it, but you kinda beat me to the punch”.

 

“Not that. You ”.

 

“Me? There’s nothing going on with me , Mikey. I’m fine, I just want-”

 

“You’re not fine!” Now Mikey was crying. “You’re not fine and you won’t talk about it and you need to talk about it!”

 

“ I need to talk about it? Mikey, last night you were hysterical ! You-”

 

“ THIS ISN’T ABOUT ME! ”

 

…

 

…

 

W h a t?

 

…

 

…

 

“Michael… what did you just say ?” He had to have heard him wrong.

 

The brothers were both furious now. There was practically steam radiating off the two of them, filling the room with red, hot, rage.

 

“This isn’t about-”

 

“ SHUT UP! ” Leo couldn’t bear to hear him say it again. His baby brother , repeating the same mantra that had haunted his mind since that day…

 

Why? Why did it have to haunt his baby brother, too?

 

“...shut up…” Leo leaned into Mikey, wrapping his arms tightly around the box turtle. If his younger brother noticed the tears now settling upon the crane in his neck, he didn’t mention it. “Please, don’t… don’t you ever say that about yourself again”.

 

Mikey didn’t respond, so Leo figured it was okay to continue. “It’s about all of us. You, me, Donnie, Raph- we all faced so much . Everyone’s carrying shit. And sometimes, all that can fix that is time. And it sucks. And we want to hurry it up but we can't, so… we’re all here pushing through together . 

 

“But right now, none of that matters because your three brothers are worried sick about you.”

 

“Can I… can I be alone right now, Leo?”

 

It wasn’t a hostile response. Mikey just needed out .

 

“Are you sure?” Mikey just slightly nodded in response, silent tears drenching his cheeks.

 

“Alright. We’re all here when you’re ready, ‘kay?” again, a silent nod.

 

Mikey was left to the stillness of his traincar.

 

He felt sick.

 

He felt vile .

 

Because he had forgotten one important thing.

 

The others were struggling, too.

Notes:

Whips and nae naes.

Find me on the world wide web >:)!
@thistiktokisnotreal on tt
@heg2468 on twitter
@filsamek here !

Chapter 5: Justice for Punching Dummies

Notes:

y'all my italicized text hasn't been showing up SINCE CHAPTER 1 I'm such a fool oh my god I'll go back and fix it I just had to get that off my chest

“So… How’d it go?”

 

Leo jumped from his spot at the kitchen table, his tea splashing at the startled movement.

 

“Jesus, Don! Make some noise, would ya?”

 

Donnie made his way over to the coffee maker and grabbed his classic purple mug from the cabinet directly above the machine. He slid it into the groove under the spout, not even needing to look as he input his usual brewing method. “I did , and seeing as you failed to notice, I can only conclude your meeting was a bust?” It was more a question than a direct hypothesis.

 

“It was…” Leo twiddled his six fingers, staring intently at anywhere but Donnie’s eyes. “Not great”.

 

By now Donnie’s coffee was finished brewing. It only took a few seconds, it was one of Donnie’s machines after all. He took his place at the kitchen table directly across Leo. They sat silently for a few moments, only interrupting with slight slurps from their caffeinated beverages.

 

“I’m going to inform Raph”, Donnie finally spoke up.

 

“Yeah… that’s probably best…”

 

“You’re not going to argue?” Leo couldn’t blame Donnie for his surprise. He wasn’t exactly famous for listening to his team.

 

“I… I don’t know how to handle this one, Don.”

 

Donnie’s expression turned from its former judgmental tone to sympathetic. “That bad, huh?”

 

Finally, Leo made eye contact with his twin. “He was scaring me, Dee. He asked me to give him some space, but I… I honestly think I would’ve ran if he didn’t”.

 

Donnie didn’t need to hear anything more. The decision was made. Leo admitting that he needed help was a huge step, and Donnie couldn’t help but feel relief for one brother despite it being at the cost of another.

 

“Okay. We’ll fill him in whenever you’re ready- it’s your call, leader”.

 

________________

 

Mikey begrudgingly gave himself one hour before forcing himself to get up. He wanted to get up right away, but his tears wouldn’t cease their rampaging flow and he couldn’t exactly walk into the hallway in that state.

 

He’d lost a whole hour thanks to his laziness, it was time to get moving.

 

He’d been lazy and pathetic and worst of all, stupid for long enough.

 

Mikey stopped outside of Raph’s train car, pressing his head up against the door to listen for clues. It didn’t take long, he could hear his eldest brother’s snoring loud and clear. Luckily enough, Mikey and Leo’s failure of a session took place only minutes after the sun had come up. Raph would still be sleeping until the am turned to pm. At least one of the brothers knew how to sleep.

 

Mikey began to slide the door open ever so slightly (that was becoming a habit around the lair. Oh well, they are ninjas after all). He had no time to waste. Mikey tiptoed to Raph’s bedside, hovering his palms over Raph’s plastron before laying both hands over his brother’s spiky chest.

 

C’monnnn, c’mon…

 

Mikey couldn’t just sit and hope by some miracle his powers would take the hint and activate. It worked last time, but last time Mikey hadn’t wasted a whole hour being a good-for-nothing, self deprecating dumbass.

 

It was pissing him off . His hands were, in fact, glowing now, but nothing was happening . Mikey couldn’t get that same out-of-body connection he managed with Leo. He tried with all his might to tap into the sensation that accompanied syncing with Leo, but all Mikey could feel was anger-

 

It was working.

 

But he had to go deeper . Mikey was stuck on the surface level. He could sense something hiding underneath. It wanted to stay there. It didn’t want some outside force breaking into its shelter.

 

And Mikey couldn’t focus on diving deeper thanks to the fucking a n g e r pooling over his thoughts.

 

‘You didn’t yell because you were mad… you yelled because you were scared.”

 

Oh…

 

Mikey let out a long exhale he hadn’t realized he was holding. He was still weirdly conscious this time around. Whether this was a good or bad thing, Mikey didn’t know, but it allowed him to steady his gaze on Raph. Watching his brother, still here, still safe in front of him, Mikey could focus on breathing.

 

And slowly, Mikey broke through.

 

Remorse. Regret. Shame.

 

Mortified.

 

Because… what had he done ?

 

“Oh, Raph…” Mikey couldn’t help but let the whisper escape.

 

Because Mikey knew this fear. When his powers manifested, when he couldn’t control the little outbursts of energy, he’d been panic-stricken by the possibility.

 

What if he hurt them?

 

He did hurt them. He was so sure of it but…

 

They wouldn’t admit it.

 

They should be scared of him. They should hate him. He was too weak and too strong and he hurt them-

 

He was getting pissed again.

 

Mikey accidentally let go, severing the connection. Unintentionally, Mikey raised both arms, fists clenched so tightly his skin began turning white. He pulled one arm back-

 

Was he about to punch the wall?

 

Idiot. You’ll wake Raph.

 

Mikey stormed out of Raph’s room, sliding the door shut with just too much force. He made a beeline for the training room.

 

The connection had been broken, so why was he still furious ?

 

_____________

 

Raph sat up in his bed, rubbing his head (and his eye) as he slowly came to.

 

Did someone just slam his door? If his brothers wanted him up so bad, they could’ve just given him a good shove.

 

Raph grabbed his phone, the only notification being a text he’d missed from Donnie a bit earlier.

 

‘Hey. Let us know when you’re awake. Leo and I want to talk.’

 

Alright, no time for scrolling. Raph hopped out of bed and practically sprinted to the kitchen. Leo and Donnie were still sitting at the table, although their beverages were long finished. Raph froze at the doorway, eyes huge and impatient.

 

“Raphael, I said when you wake up to imply there’s no emergency”.

 

“How the hell does that imply there’s no emergency?!” If Raph’s tone or physicality didn’t give it away, he thought there was an emergency.

 

“ Because if it was an emergency, I would’ve chosen to phrase it along the lines of ‘wake up now’ or, I don't know, ‘it’s an emergency’.”

 

Raph briefly let his eyes scan both brothers' expressions to be certain, “My bad… Raph may have jumped to conclusions”.

 

Leo chimed in, “Well, not an emergency, but… Concern. Something sorta happened and we swear we were gonna tell you buuuuuut-”

 

“SOMETHING HAPPENED-?!”

 

“Raph!” Donnie and Leo said in unison. It was funny when that happened. Usually someone would say something chalking it up to ‘twinstinct’, but no one seemed in the mood to take the bait this time.

 

“Right, right, sorry”. Raph took a seat at the edge of the table, encouraging Leo to continue.

 

“It’s Mikey- Raph… ”, It must’ve shown on Raph’s face he was ready to jump head first into a panic again.

 

Leo described the events of the past night to his brothers, stumbling over word choice and phrasing along the way.

 

“I don’t want him to lose trust in me, so please try not to crowd him. Mikey’s always pushing to talk about feelings, I’m sure he’ll-“

 

“Yeah, about what we’re feeling”, Donnie added. “Do you think he’s had some sort of persona for a ‘Dr. Patient’, because as it stands, Dr. Feelings isn’t one for talking about himself.”

 

Raph and Leo’s expressions fell.

 

“…Huh. Never thought I’d hear Don say something smart about feelings- OW!” Donnie reached across the table and smacked his twin upside the head.

 

“Guys”. The one word from Raph was all it took for his brothers to get serious again.

 

“Sorry. Point is, Donnie’s right about that. I know how Mikey usually is, but I’m trying to think outside the box of ‘usually’.”

 

“Uhhh, whaddya mean by that, Leo?” Raph had too many thoughts circling inside his head to break down any metaphors or hypotheticals or what have you.

 

“…I’ve never seen him like this Raph. He wasn’t… he’s not acting like himself.”

 

The three brothers' attention was pulled to a sudden crash down the hall, the source having no other option but the training room.

 

“Speaking of not acting like himself…” Donnie trailed off, leaving the unfinished sentence hanging in the air.

 

Raph broke the tension in the air, “I’ll go.” Woah, his brothers knew it was serious when Raph stopped speaking in the third person. “You guys stay and keep thinkin’ up a plan”. Raph turned his attention to Leo, “and don’tcha worry, I’m not about to throw ya under the bus”. Raph winked, then headed off to the training room to investigate.

 

____________________

 

Sure enough, the crash did come from the training room. Raph found himself stuck in the entranceway, which was weird because Mikey was the easiest of his brothers to have a serious heart-to-heart with. But Leo warned him not to push the little guy, so he needed a plan.

 

But Raph didn’t plan! He smashed and punched through whatever stood in his way! That was his thing!

 

So… why was Mikey the one wreaking havoc to the poor, unsuspecting training dummies? Those little hands weren’t meant to break things, they were for creating. Mikey drew things! That was his thing!

 

Leo’s onto something… Kid’s definitely not actin’ normal…

 

That’s it, no more thinking. Thinking never got Raph anywhere. He was going in.

 

“Don’t ya think one brute I’m the family is enough for those train in’ dummies?”

 

No response. Did Mikey even hear him? Was he purposely ignoring Raph? Maybe Raph was pushing too much already…

 

“Anybody home?”

 

Still nothing. Not even a flinch out of the youngest. Mikey just kept pummeling the dummy, fists rhythmically colliding with the sandbag one after the other-

 

“Mikey, should you be doin’ that? Didn’t Donnie just clear you, like, yesterday?”

 

“I’m fine , Raph” So he was being ignored!

 

“Hey! Don’t think you can get away with ignoring Raph!” Raph stepped in between Mikey and the dummy, causing Mikey to scowl and stomp his foot. Raph contained any sign revealing how adorable that was.

 

Raph clenched his own fist, crouching down slightly and swinging 180 degrees before sending the dummy flying across the room. It made an unsatisfying thump against the wall before sand began leaking out from the corner.

 

“ That’s how ya angry smash, little bro!”

 

Raph could swear he heard a tiny ‘ woaaah ’ escape from his brother.

 

“Mind if ol’ Raph joins in on trainin’? I ain’t half bad if I do say so myself!” Raph put his hands on his hips, leaning forward so he could meet Mikey at eye level. “And I do say so”.

 

A glimmer of awe made its way into Mikey’s eyes. He didn’t say anything, just took a quick pause suggesting he was thinking about it, then nodded once.

 

“Great! Now, how ‘bout Raph shows ya how to give these dummies a real run for their money!”

 

Now that was definitely a smile flashing across Mikey’s face. “Okay, but I’ll have you know I had that dummy practically shaking in its boots!”

 

“That’s my little bro! But with two of us, I bet we can send it runnin’ home with its tail between its legs!”

 

Mikey let the tension in his muscles release and scurried off to grab some more dummies. Raph followed, even though Mikey was definitely strong enough to carry more than him. There was a frightening amount of strength in that tiny body of his.

 

Raph wouldn’t urge Mikey to open up to him just yet. He was more than willing to play the bad guy for the sake of his brothers, but right now, Mikey needed this.

 

It was nothing some big brother time couldn’t fix.

 

All Raph could do was keep telling himself that.

Notes:

guys I tried to tap into Raph angst to the best of my abilities cuz he is best boy and deserves the world but I'm literally the youngest of three oops. I am fated to be a Mikey kinnie.

Feel free to come yell at me!
@thistiktokisnotreal on tt
@heg2468 on twitter
@filsamek right here

Chapter 6: Just Like That One Song

Notes:

HAPPY SATURDAY! Saturday is so lovely because I get to spend the whole day writing and then the whole night reading everyone else's updates and EE! I hope you guys like this one because WOW it was the most fun to write.
Warnings for descriptions of sensory overload/panic attacks, brief negative thoughts

It didn’t take Mikey long to discover his remaining brother was going to be… difficult, to say the least.

 

As genius as his purple-coded brother was, the guy never seemed to solve sleep .

 

Donnie barely left his lab, and in the rare instance he did it was always to be in the accompaniment of another one of his brothers. Mikey was hoping he’d get lucky enough to catch Donnie dozing off over a cup of coffee, but he was never alone for long enough to catch up on some much needed z’s.

 

Since when did Donnie become so social?

 

Mikey tried only once to check on Donnie while he was stationed in his lab, not wanting to pass up the slight chance Donnie passed out at his desk. That ended up totally backfiring, because Donnie was, of course, awake and he was, of course, skeptical.

 

Mikey would not be trying that again.

 

Instead, he filled his nights checking on his other brothers. Because no matter how many times Mikey did the whole mystic shtick on them, there was always more.

 

And the way his brothers visibly relaxed, delicately let go of their tensed attributes while they slept.

 

It made it all worth it.

 

And even though Mikey left each session heavier, slower, achier… that brief moment watching his brothers’ worries ease.

 

It made Mikey’s pain irrelevant.

 

He filled his days mostly napping, but Mikey made sure to leave his room at least once a day. He says at least, but once a day was pretty much the standard. Mikey has to leave his room, because if he didn’t then his brothers got more worried. And if his brothers got more worried then that was more for Mikey to stockpile. And if Mikey had more to stockpile then he was less likely to be awake the next day.

 

Sometimes their concern for Mikey’s well-being muddled in between their Kraang inflicted trauma Mikey was focusing on absorbing and understanding. This would trigger a cycle Mikey hated because he would hesitate in his process due to concern for himself, but Mikey wasn’t personally concerned for himself so then that feeling just swirled into irritation and self-loathing and the line that separated Mikey from Raph from Leo was…

 

It was starting to get pretty confusing.

 

So even if he ended up falling asleep in the living room, it still was beneficial in the long run.

 

Mikey was more or less watching a Lou Jitsu movie Leo had left on in the living room when he was met with the familiar sensation of his eyes slipping shut. Raph picked the perfect time to walk by, doing a double take at his youngest brother on the couch who was clearly struggling to hold his own head up.

 

Raph cracked a smile (with only the slightest bit of worry noticeable behind it), rolled his eyes lovingly, then took his place next to Mikey on the couch.

 

There was no time for Mikey’s thoughts to taunt and scold him about his unworthiness. As soon as Raph’s weight sank into the couch cushion causing it to slant, Mikey went with it. He toppled gently to the side and Raph was kind enough to maneuver Mikey’s weightless limbs so he could curl up on the couch. Raph adjusted his thigh so his spikes weren’t in the way of Mikey’s head, a small, but touching movement Mikey was able to catch before drifting off to sleep.

 

_______

 

Leo has been out of the room for all of three minutes. When he returned, the living room was nowhere near how he’d left it. Not that it bothered him, he was delighted to see that his movie had been turned off in exchange for Mikey’s sleep.

 

Leo balanced himself atop the ragged armrest of the couch, joining Raph and carefully caressing the sleeping turtle’s shell.

 

“Think he’s out cold?”

 

Raph craned his neck to get a look, “Raph’s got no doubt about it. Little guy practically tumbled over soon as I sat down.”

 

Leo gave a confirming hum. “Any sign of Donnie today?”

 

“Nah, guy said he’s workin’ on somethin’ huge though- Nobel Prize winnin’ huge apparently.”

 

“Woowww, never heard that one before. It’s spectacular the oh-so-genius brother of mine forgets to factor in they don’t exactly nominate mutant turtles for Nobel Prizes.”

 

“Don’t go crushin’ his dreams, Leo.”

 

“Oh, you know I will.”

 

Raph let out a disapproving, but clearly amused huff.

 

“Hey Raph, mind if I ask something? Kinda weird?”

 

“Weirder than Donnie winnin’ a Nobel Prize?”

 

“That bit has left the station, my dear brother. I wrapped it up in a perfect, comedic bow and you bringing it back around is honestly an insult to my work.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. So whaddya wanna ask?”

 

Leo’s smile faded, but he continued, “When’s the last time you had a nightmare?”

 

That made Raph pause. The snapper pinched his lips and gazed upwards, making it clear to his brother he needed a second to think.

 

“I’m not gonna interrogate you or anything, big guy, I swear it”. Leo had taken Raph’s pause as doubtfulness to answer.

 

“Nah, it’s… Raph’s plannin’ to answer, but…”

 

“Long enough that you can’t remember?” Leo’s gaze was unwavering.

 

“Um… I guess? I mean, it can’t have been that long.”

 

“But weren’t you having them every night?” Raph was lost now. Whatever Leo was getting at, he’d better hop to it.

 

“How did ya..?”

 

“Oh please . It takes one to know one, ya know? Fighting an alien invasion doesn’t exactly call for sweet dreams and all.”

 

Huh, sometimes Leo really is smarter than he looks.

 

“Leo, what are ya gettin’ at?”

 

“Alright, um…” Leo checked to make sure Mikey was still out. “This might sound crazy, but after everything we’ve gone through I don’t think we can take ‘crazy’ off the table, so… I don’t actually know my point, but what I do know… I was having nightmares every day Raph. Like, not just during the night, it was literally every day .”

 

Raph’s face sank into a frown. Of course, everyone knew about Leo’s nightmares, but hearing Leo actually admit it… “Leo…”

 

“No, I… I’m not… My point is, they were constant, Raph. But this week they just… stopped .”

 

“That’s a good thing, right? Raph doesn’t see the issue.”

 

“Sure, yeah, I guess it’s a good thing, but they stopped five days ago.”

 

“Okay..?”

 

“They stopped the day after Mikey’s freak out.”

 

It felt really weird saying it out loud, and Raph’s unreadable expression sure wasn’t helping. Leo went on, “I don’t know what to make of it, or if there’s even anything to make of it, but-”

 

“But it’s somethin’, and that’s more than we had.” At that, Leo pulled his gaze away from the floor, watching as Raph rubbed his hand against his chin. “How ‘bout we run it by Donnie? If that’s cool with ya, of course.”

 

A light of hope flashed across Leo’s face. “Yeah, yeah that sounds cool.”

 

_______________

 

When Mikey came to he was still right where he’d passed out hours earlier, but his pillow pillow that was once Raph’s leg was now a pile of fluffy blankets. They were much softer than his brother’s rough skin, but they weren’t nearly as warm and inviting. Mikey let out a disapproving groan and flipped so he was laying on his other side, face pressing into the couch cushions.

 

“...Dude, it’s a small miracle he’s asleep…”

 

Voices from the kitchen. They were low and whispering, so the topic was probably Mikey. They always seemed to be conspiring about Mikey. The box turtle let out an annoyed whine, but it was muffled by the couch cushion’s thick fluff.

 

“...No, no, we are not waking him up, Raph! He’s only taken cat naps all week…”

 

Well that’s just not true, Mikey had been sleeping almost all week. For a bunch of worry-warts, they sure weren’t very observant.

 

“...It’ll be fine, tomorrow when Donnie wake’s up we can-”

 

Mikey shot up.

 

He wasn’t the sleeping brother they were whispering about.

 

It was Donnie.

 

Donnie’s asleep!

 

Mikey peaked his head above the couch, scanning the room for any signs of his brothers approaching. When he decided it was safe, Mikey made his escape and finally headed towards Donnie’s bedroom.

 

Mikey was practically sprinting. He’d waited days for this, actual days . If Donnie woke up now, Mikey could never forgive himself for missing this chance. Knowing his luck, Donnie was probably already awake because god forbid the universe lets one thing work out in Mikey’s favor-

 

Stop it. Stop it with the feeling sorry for yourself bullshit, Michaelangelo.

 

But of course, that didn’t work because when had his brain ever cooperated with him? Donnie’s gonna be up and you’re gonna miss your chance all ‘cause you were sleeping while everyone else-

 

He was still asleep.

 

Pizza supreme he was still asleep.

 

Okay, okay! This is it. He could do it.

 

But wow he was scared. Like, Prison Dimension scared. Okay maybe not that bad, but still. Because of Leo and Raph constantly being at each other’s throats the last two years, Mikey and Donnie began to depend on one another. Mikey had gotten so close with Donnie… They’d built a connection, they’d built so much trust -

 

Donnie would kill him if he knew what Mikey was up to.

 

Stop being such a coward

 

Mikey bounced from one foot to the other. It’d be fine. He’d just be repaying Donnie for all those late nights helping Mikey out of a panic attack.

 

Mikey readied his hands.

 

And it was quick.

 

So quick. Much quicker than any other time.

 

And it was so much .

 

Too much. Way, way, way too much.

 

Every corner of his senses dialed to a thousand percent. It started with his hands because holy crap they were so hot . They were acting as vessels for the boiling mystic energy bubbling against the surface underneath his skin and it needed to boil over he needed to let go-

 

Do NOT let go, Mikey.

 

He held on. His heartbeat swelled through his body and pounded against his ears. He needed it to shut up. It was loud enough to wake Donnie. Mikey needed to put his hands over his ears but

 

He held on.

 

This wasn’t useful . How the hell was he supposed to get anything out of Donnie when all he was getting was this stupid static!

 

He couldn’t get enough of a connection. He couldn’t let go. If only someone was there to

 

Take off my battle shell.

 

Mikey let out a dry laugh. He didn’t blink, he didn’t smile, just laughed . To no one but himself. He knew what was coming.

 

He knew it was about to get worse than this.

 

Because he, Mikey, saw it all when it happened.

 

There was no time to brace himself. Mikey’s entire being shook as a shiver electrified his spine, sending shockwaves to every nerve in his body, nerves he didn’t even know he had . Something was on his shell, slithering in its slimy, horrendous coating. His shell was supposed to be protecting him but it felt so tender . The word made him shiver again. But he couldn’t hold on to the thought because something was still on him and -

 

Mikey’s breath caught in his throat and his upper body lunged forward. It wasn’t on him, it was in him. It was invading him, violating him! He needed to get it out get it out get it out

 

On top of it all now he tasted bile. He could not throw up now so all he could do was swallow it down and fuck it was so bad. It burned as it slid back down his throat with a tormenting slowness. Mikey was shaking so violently he feared his hands would slip.

 

But he held on. He wasn’t getting any words, any descriptors like he had with his brothers. All that was there was the squirming sensation that needed to go.

 

Maybe that’s all there was? Maybe that’s all Mikey needed? Maybe it was okay to let go?

 

“...Angelo?”

 

Fuck. Oh, fuck -

 

“Angelo, what’s going on?”

 

Fuck fuck fuck fuckfuckFUCK!

 

He’d been too careless, Donnie was awake and he was getting up and he was reaching for Mikey-

 

“ DON’T!” Mikey shrank, curling his body into itself to appear smaller. He raised his hands, fuck they were still shaking really bad , shielding himself from Donnie’s touch. “Don’t…” Why did that come out so quiet..? “Don’t touch me…”

 

To his credit, Donnie didn’t touch him. He didn’t do anything, in fact. He just sat there, frozen in place.

 

“Okay… I’m not going to-” Donnie’s voice caught in his throat because he never imagined he’d be saying this to this brother in particular. “I won’t touch you.” Donnie retracted his hands, steadily in hopes Mikey would notice the decreasing threat. It was to no avail, Mikey’s eyes were darting around the room to anywhere but Donnie. Donnie brought both hands behind his shell.

 

He pressed the panic button.

 

“Mikey, did you hear that? I said I’m not going to touch you.”

 

He was definitely glowing when Donnie woke up. Donnie wanted his goggles to analyze if any mystic energy was radiating from his brother, but they were on his bedside table. He figured avoiding any external movement would be in his brother’s best interest.

 

The panic button had no way of alerting his brother to this, though.

 

Leo and Raph slammed the sliding door to Donnie’s room open, the sudden movement resulting in a horrible scratching noise of metal dragging against metal. The two had their weapons at the ready and shit maybe Donnie should’ve just texted them .

 

But before Donnie could articulate something, anything to explain the situation, Leo had dropped his katanas and was racing towards his younger brother.

 

“Leo, wait!” It was no use. It was like realizing you were about to step on a bee, but the movement was already put into action. Leo wasn’t swift enough to react before he scooped Mikey into his arms-

 

“LET GO! LET GO LET GO LET GO! ” Mikey was screaming , his voice shrill as it contrasted the silence of the night. He flailed his arms, kicking and thrusting at nothing and everything at the same time.

 

And Leo didn’t know what to do. He squeezed his baby brother tighter. He wasn’t necessarily wrong to do so, because in any other instance this would’ve been a comfort to Mikey.

 

Instead, his baby brother started glowing .

 

“Donnie! What’s happening to him!” Leo couldn’t hide the panic in his voice. He looked to Donnie, who looked to Raph, who looked…

 

Oh, God , Raph was frozen.

 

Too much was happening and Donnie needed to handle one thing at a time he needed to fix one thing at a time…

 

His goggles. He scrambled towards them, ignoring any usual caution he’d usually adhere towards one of his inventions.

 

But before he could get them on, Leo collapsed. Donnie dropped to the floor beside his twin.

 

“Nardo, hey- Leo! Come on, do not do this right now I cannot handle this on my own, Leo!”

 

Leo was breathing so heavily . He looked drained , but his hold on Mikey was unwavering.

 

“Donnie… why’re y’so… worried?” Leo’s words came out so slurred they would’ve been indecipherable if not for the gaps between deep breathing. Raph was frozen, Leo was collapsed, Mikey was glowing-

 

Right, right! Glowing, mystic, goggles!

 

Donnie looked down at his hand. His palm was still firmly gripped around his goggles. He pressed them against his face and…

 

“Leo, let go of him.”

 

“...wha…?”

 

“Leo, let GO of him! ” Donnie pulled Leo by his shoulders across the cold, metal floor. He was lucky Leo was too weak to fight back. The slider's arms lifelessly loosened their hold around Mikey’s shell, dragging across the floor with the rest of him.

 

Donnie slapped, full force slapped , his twin across the face. Leo gasped for air, regaining himself a bit as he did so.

 

“Donnie, what the hell-!”

“Leo, shut up and listen!” Oh, jeez. Whatever fog had just taken over Leo’s mind must’ve made him miss something important because Donnie sounded horrified . “Mikey is riddled with mystic energy, and you touching him only made that immense amount of energy swell . It looked as if he was absorbing something in you and- Leo what do we do ?!

 

Leo surged to his feet. He let the true terror of the situation in the room sink in.

 

He really wished Raph was still the leader right about now.

Notes:

I LOVE reading comments its my favorite thing in the world please don't be shy it gives me so much motivation and I love reading y'alls thoughts and predictions!
Come yell at me on tiktok it's so delightful seeing you guys pop up in my comment section over there TEEHEHEEHHEHE
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(also you'll never catch me seriously naming a chapter if you didn't get the reference it's Frozen's hit song let it go IM SOR-)

Chapter 7: Orange You Glad I Didn't Say Banana

Notes:

I SWEAR I WORKED ON MY MIDTERM PAPER BUT THIS WAS MORE FUN. I've been updating everyday (i think?) cuz that makes me happy but I might have a lot of hw this week but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. ANYWAY ENUF ABOUT ME TURTLE TRAUMA TIME

In the end, all they could do was wait.

 

Leo tried to pull Raph out of the room, hoping for a chance to calm at least one of his brothers down, but Raph didn’t budge. He looked down at Leo, eyes pleading in a way his words currently couldn’t.

 

The least (if not only thing) Raph could do was stay in the room with Mikey.

 

All Leo could do was nod in response. He motioned to the floor, indicating to Raph that he should at least sit if he was going to stay. Raph let out a shaky breath and let his brother support his body weight to the ground.

 

Physical touch wasn’t an option. Talking wasn’t working. In fact, Donnie was insistent it was making it worse.

 

There weren’t many options left.

 

At one point, Leo had left his position from where he’d been rubbing circles on Raph’s shell. Raph, who was breathing a little steadier now, gave him a questioning look. Leo nodded his head towards Mikey, and Raph got the message.

 

Leo shut the door without a sound, but his footsteps on the other side of the door could be heard as they picked up speed. He returned seconds later with an armful of crayons and loose paper.

 

Donnie, who had been stuck lost in thought, finally looked up from his knees at Leo’s return. Leo’s face was hesitant at his own last resort idea. Donnie stood up and took some of the load from Leo’s arms, silently assuring his twin the idea was not half-bad. Donnie wished he’d thought of it first, actually, but that’s something he’d never admit. That would only add fuel to the uncontrollable fire that is Leo’s ego.

 

As much as each one of them wanted to hand over the possible source of relief to Mikey, they knew crowding him wasn’t in their best interest. They’d agreed (still silently, of course) that Donnie was most suitable for the task, being the most experienced of sensory overload and all.

 

Donnie prepared a neat stack of papers and topped it with three crayons, all different shades of orange. Kneeling to the floor, he pushed his hand and slid the supplies across the ground, stopping right in the path of Mikey’s line of sight.

 

Mikey’s wide eyes somehow got even wider. He cautiously unwrapped his arms from their hold around his waist and shakily reached for a crayon. Donnie caught a view of his brothers lighting up with hope from their place against the wall. Mikey brought the brightest of the orange crayons close, studying it hard.

 

He broke it in two.

 

Then the second. Then the third. Then he moved on to the paper, ripping it into tiny pieces before tackling a new sheet.

 

Mikey finally managed an actual breath.

 

‘ Bring more’ Donnie mouthed to Leo and Raph. The two jumped into action immediately, rolling the loose crayons in Donnie’s direction. Donnie handed them one at a time to Mikey, who eagerly accepted them before snapping each one in turn.

 

It wasn’t what they expected, but it was doing its job. Awareness gradually trickled back into Mikey, his eyes pushing away the glaze that was previously screened over them.

 

Mikey blinked away stray tears, finally looking up and registering that Donnie was the one funneling crayons to their doom.

 

“We can buy more crayons”, Donnie assured.

 

Mikey hoped his smile made it to his face before he fell forward, exhaustion moving in and forcing him into unconsciousness.

 

___________

 

He woke up feeling, for the first time in a while, nothing.

 

Mikey was conscious, but there was nothing there for an uncomfortable amount of time. His senses came back to him like tree sap, sticky and uneven.

 

He was lying down, that much he was sure. He was lying down… on a bed? Yeah. Yeah that had to be it. It wasn’t the ground. The ground didn’t squish.

 

But he didn’t sleep in a bed, he slept in a… a…

 

He’d remember the word later. Point is, he wasn’t in his ‘bed’ that’s not a bed.

 

His bones felt like they were filled with lead. Mikey was pretty sure his bones weren’t supposed to feel like lead. It’s not like he could ask, his muscles didn’t stand a chance against the heavy lead. Couldn’t open his eyes either.

 

“...we should…dad might…”

 

Voices. How long had they been there? Voices were nice. Nicer than the pounding in his eardrums. Was that his own heart..? He should tell Donnie his heart’s turned up too loud. Donnie would turn it down.

 

“...mission…won’t be back for…days…”

 

Oh yeah. Dad went on a mission. That’s what he told them at least. Either way, no cell service wherever he was. Mikey hoped it was an island. Dad should go on vacation. Vacation sounds nice.

 

Lots of things sounded nice. But the voices, which had been the nicest, were now not so nice. They were fighting..? Fighting wasn’t nice. His heart was still too loud. That also wasn’t nice.

 

“D’nnie…”

 

The voices stopped. Did they leave? Were they okay? Mikey needed to open his eyes to check but the lead-

 

Oh. There was a hand on his forehead. That was nice.

 

Mikey let out a purr.

 

“Hey, Mikey. How’re ya feeling?” The voice was soft, soothing.

 

Mikey’s eyes finally cracked open. “...Dee..?”

 

“Better, Leo.”

 

Mikey gave a disagreeing hum. “...nooo…need…Do’nie…” Mikey tried to move, to shoo away the hand on his forehead, but another hand was placed against his plastron.

 

“Right here, Angelo. Did you need something?”

 

Did he need something? He did… Donnie could fix it, what was…

 

“Donnie…”

 

“Yes, Angelo?”

 

“...too…too loud …”

 

Donnie’s expression fell, “Sorry about that. Leo and I won’t-”

 

“Not tha’...heart…”

 

“Heart? I don’t-”

 

“He’s saying he can hear his heartbeat, Dee.”

 

“Oh. Well, that’s to be expected, it’s nothing unordinary.”

 

“Turn down… D’nnie, turn it down…”

 

“ Shit , did you drug him Dee?”

 

“No! No, the IV is only for fluids. I didn’t give him anything, I didn’t know if I-”

 

“He’s probably just exhausted, guys”. Raph was here now, this was better than nice. All his brothers… This is great.

 

“...Raphieeeee..!” Raph came over beside Mikey’s bed (oh yeah, he forgot to ask about the bed) and started rubbing Mikey’s shoulder. Mikey closed his eyes in content.

 

“Hey, big man.” Raph paused, directing his gaze towards the brothers that weren’t delirious. “He got like this after the whole… well, ya know… portalin’ stuff. Draxum said it was normal for the amount of mystic whatchamacallit he used. Said it’s kinda like bein’ up for four days straight.”

 

“Draxum?” Donnie turned to Leo, “Nardo, why didn’t we think of that? We should call Draxum-”

 

“Well, hold up a sec” Leo was always quick to look for any course of action that wasn’t Draxum. “Mikey’s awake. What would we even need his help for? Let’s just… get some food in him and we’ll see how it goes.”

 

“Raph’s fine with that.” Of course Raph agrees, he’s also by no means a member of the Draxum fan club. Not that Donnie is, either. “Whaddya say, Mikey, ya hungry?”

 

Hmm… Mikey kinda wanted to go back to sleep since he shut his eyes and all, but food sounded too good to pass up. He hummed, opening his eyes again despite every muscle begging him not to.

 

“Sounds good. Mind helpin’ him sit up, you two? Raph’ll fix up some food real quick.”

 

“Remember, nothing too heavy-”

 

“ Yes , Donnie. Nothing too heavy.” Raph left the medbay before Donnie could even try to get a lecture in.

 

Oh! They were in the medbay. Now Mikey didn’t have to ask why he was in a bed. Score. He didn’t wanna ask more questions.

 

Leo and Donnie were talking now, but the words were drowned out before they could reach Mikey’s ears. Something was wrapped around his head and he didn’t like it. It was squeezing Mikey just a bit too much and he did not like it. He pulled his hands out from under his brothers’ hold and pushed the fabric up over his head. It got stuck before Mikey could get it all the way off, but Leo was there to finish the task for him. Score again.

 

Leo handed the mask to Mikey, allowing him to play with the fabric between his hands. “Sorry, Mike”, Leo tilted his head and smiled. “Didn’t know if you’d want us to take that off.”

 

Mikey didn’t pull his eyes away from the mask, rubbing the soft material between his thumb and his finger adjacent to it. “Why’m I wearing this?”

 

Leo’s face twisted into gentle confusion, “Well, we might’ve been overthinking it, but we didn’t want you to wake up and freak ‘cause-”

 

“Why is it orange?”

 

The silence was deafening . Mikey wished someone would drop a pin just to cut through the unbelievable silence -

 

“Uh… Because orange is your favorite? Duh.”

 

Why did Leo say that like it was obvious..? Maybe they were just teasing him, pulling a prank on the baby of the family? Mikey wasn’t totally sure, but that didn’t seem too far-fetched.

 

“...It is?”

 

Mikey chose the wrong moment to finally look up at his brothers.

 

Because they looked mortified .

 

Raph had returned at sometime. Mikey didn’t know when, but he’d been there clearly long enough because he shared the same nauseating look as the other two.

 

“Um… Is there… something on my face?”

 

Raph was the one brave enough to speak up, even if said bravery was questionable since he was still stopped right outside the medbay door.

 

“Call Draxum.”

Notes:

You guys... have been... SO good to me. What have I done to deserve such kind words. So, like, THANK YOU. It fills my heart y'all are enjoying this becuz I enjoy writing it so bad.
You know where to find me!
@thistiktokisnotreal on tt
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@filsamek here

Chapter 8: Damn, Y'all Live Like This?

Notes:

I have simply never gotten so giddy writing a chapter as I did right here. Quite literally posting so late cuz I was hogging it to myself and kicking and squealing while I wrote.

Warnings!! for panic attacks(!!!), delirium, IV removal & descriptions, derealization

Mikey never ended up getting to eat the toast and jam Raph had thoughtfully prepared for him. As soon as his brothers pulled their attention away from him to call Draxum, the box turtle couldn’t focus on anything other than the way sleep tenderly tugged at his aching muscles. The invitation was too tempting… It promised a sense of warmth he couldn’t achieve from the scene unfolding in front of him.

 

Mikey let his brothers’ frantic words fade into background noise.

 

“Woah, woah, wait just a sec, Mikey.” Someone was tapping their finger against his cheek now. Mikey groaned in discontent at the disturbance.

 

“There’s no purpose in keeping him up, Nardo. Why not let him sleep?”

 

“Dude, he just asked if orange is his favorite color .” The tapping sped up as Mikey tried to turn his head away. “What if he has a concussion? You’re supposed to keep him conscious, you know that.”

 

“And you know he couldn’t have possibly managed any blunt trauma in the past few hours. We’ve been with him the whole time. Plus, he was already unconscious for a while. Really it’s incredible that pea-sized brain of yours is so shortsighted it fails to account for such a fact.”

 

While Raph would usually scold the two of them for their useless bickering, the oldest was occupied holding his breath for each dial of his phone.

 

Mikey figured Leo had missed the jab from his so-called-twin because he didn’t reply with any sort of sarcastic retaliation. He did switch his tapping into steady, full palmed rubs. Mikey hummed at the sudden change. Leo’s hand was a delightfully cold relief against his feverish cheek.

 

“Fineeee, I guess Dee can keep playing the good cop for today. Rest up, buddy. We’ll still be here when you wake up.”

 

Mm. That’s good. Mikey was faintly worried about that, but he’d been too tired to hold onto the thought.

 

Mikey let go of his terribly weak hold on consciousness, his head going limp in the safety of Leo’s hold.

 

______________

 

“You allowed him to do WHAT?! ”

 

Draxum didn’t waste a second portaling into the medbay, his own mystic glow painting the room in a warm magenta. The phone call was still connected and the echo that resulted at Draxum’s entrance caused Raph to scowl and flinch his head away.

 

Donnie in turn wasted no time in taking the offensive. “If by allow you are referring to the use of his mystic abilities then no , we did not . Mikey was cleared to start using his hands again-”

 

Draxum interrupted with a harsh laugh. “And, pray tell, with what medical degree did you deem yourself valid to do that ?”

 

“It’s been a month !”

 

“Injuries of that degree warrant at least one month more! How can you harbor such irresponsibility-”

 

“OHO, don’t you lecture me on responsibility you pathetic excuse for a father figure-”

 

“Guys!” Leo placed a hand on each of their shoulders and stepped between the two, tossing a glance towards a sleeping Mikey in the process. “Save it. Both of you.”

 

Leo turned his gaze to Draxum, eyes filled with desperation. Leo almost wished he was ignorant enough to miss the fear leaking out of Draxum’s shouts. It was easier to hate him when his speech was stone cold, not driven by care .

 

“Draxum, please. We… we need help.”

 

Draxum’s brows flew upwards in surprise that the slider was swallowing his pride, even if for a brief moment. He let his gaze float towards Mikey, allowing the sight of the sleeping boy to calm his anger.

 

“Alright. Walk me through what happened. And spare no detail, I require any and all accessible information if I’m to conduct any speculation on the matter.”

 

Raph excused himself from the room to bring in some extra chairs and beanbags. It was in silent agreement that none of them wanted to leave Mikey’s side, so they might as well make the medbay at least a bit more comfortable. Each one took their respective seats, forming a scattered circle near the doorway. The three feet between the group and Mikey only gave the illusion that it might muffle some of their conversation.

 

Leo was the one to finally break the silent tension of deciding who would start.

 

“Well… For starters, we should probably warn you we don’t know much.”

 

“An unsurprising aspect.” Leo held up a hand before Donnie could jump in.

Leo continued on, “We don’t know much, but we do know Mikey started acting weird six days ago.”

 

“Weird how ?”

 

“Weird, like… Weird, like, not Mikey-like, weird! Stop interrupting. It started when Mikey was making everyone breakfast,” Draxum didn’t hide a look of discontentment, but he stayed silent, “and he ran out of the kitchen after I said some stupid shit. Raph went and checked on him after a while but during breakfast Mikey was off-”

 

“Distant.” Donnie clarified in Leo’s stead.

 

“Yeah, that. He was distant but since he was so tired it wasn’t totally weird.” Leo had got to think of a better word. “He passed out at the table-”

 

“Mikey told Raph he hadn’t slept that night.” Good point, Raph, Leo had forgotten that part. Thank god his brothers were here. Maybe Draxum’s presence really was affecting his nerves. That or Mikey’s whole situation. Or maybe he was just bad at summarizing. “Woke Raph at the crack of dawn sayin’ he was too excited to cook.”

 

“So it wasn’t weird- uh, out of the ordinary, for Mikey to fall asleep eating. Fast forward to nighttime, still the first day by the way. Mikey wakes up, I’m asleep, so…” Leo trailed off, hoping his twin would take the bait.

 

“I ran into Angelo as I was leaving Leo’s bedroom.” Nice, guess Donnie wasn’t always so dense. “I… nothing seemed wrong, he just wanted to check on Leo. So, I left…” Donnie’s fingers curled in his lap.

 

“Hey, hey, slow down, Dee. You couldn’t have known. Mikey can be a sneaky little bastard when he wants to be” Leo sent a wink Donnie’s way, ignoring Raph’s scowl at his language. “Anyway, I woke up to Mikey having a panic attack in my room. We did the ushe’, calmed him down, went back to sleep. Then in the morning… he didn’t wanna talk it out. We kinda fought. That was on day…” Leo paused to count on his fingers, “...two? Morning of two? Did anything major happen till five?”

 

“Three was the punchin’ bags.”

 

“Right, thanks Raph. Add angry training to the list of things Mikey doesn’t usually do. Day four…” Leo looked to his brothers. Nothing. “Day four nothing noteworthy. Unless you wanna hear about the awesome punchline I thought of while brushing my teeth.”

 

“I do not.” Draxum gave the most exaggerated eye roll he could pull off.

 

“Jeez, tough crowd. Then I guess that just leaves yesterday. Mikey came out of his room after dinner, fell asleep on the couch… Raph and I did some conspiring, Donnie fell asleep in his lab. Just the trademark shenanigans. Then everything exploded, which Raph described on the phone.”

 

“The two of you were hypothesizing without the literal scientist of the family?”

 

“Oh, don’t get all butthurt, Donnie, you needed the sleep.” Leo spat before Donnie could go into one of his tangents.

 

“And? Did this ‘hypothesizing’,” Draxum paused to emphasis the air quotes, “result in any functional theories?”

 

“Uh…” Leo looked to Raph, unknowing if he should continue on for fears of sounding insane. Draxum and Donnie had probably come up with the same idea already, and if they hadn’t they sure would soon enough. There were literally two scientists in front of him. It was tempting to leave the hypothesizing to them and spare Leo of any embarrassment.

 

But Raph just nodded, lightly encouraging Leo to go on. Damn.

 

Leo sighed and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly (haha, sheep, Draxum… that would make for some good routine later). “It’s not anything, like, polished, but… I just pointed out to Raph that I stopped having nightmares five days ago- Uh, five days ago yesterday, six days now. Sorry, that was confusing. But I asked Raph the last time he’d had a nightmare and he couldn’t remember but it was definitely not in the past few days and…”

 

Leo left his sentence hanging midair due to the glimpse of recognition that coated Draxum’s expression.

 

“Do you… Did something click?” Leo’s voice came out much, much softer than he had intended. He didn’t want Draxum to know how scared he was of an answer, but the way his voice wobbled and cracked was doing him no favors.

 

“Perhaps…” Draxum brought his hand to his chin, rubbing slowly as if trying to accelerate his thoughts. “Donatello. You were not present for this conversation between the other two, correct?”

 

Donnie met Draxum’s eyes for the first time since their brainstorm session began, “That’s correct.”

 

“And this is because you were asleep?”

 

Donnie’s eyes retreated to the comfort of the floor. “...Correct.”

 

“And is it appropriate to assume this is because you had not granted your body the necessity of sleep in the days prior?”

 

No one expected that. Donnie only returned his eyes to search Draxum’s demeanor at that comment. “Also… correct.”

 

“Thought so. Break that habit.” Woah… surely that couldn’t have been… advice? From Draxum? Out of concern for one of them, no less?

 

Draxum didn’t give the boys time to contemplate the meaning behind his unpredictable comment. “Well then, to reiterate Leonardo’s question… Did you suffer any nightmares while you slept?”

 

Donnie hated how the confusion was certainly showing on his face. Did he have a nightmare last night..? He thought he did, but…

 

“I did.” The tension in the group fell. It was back to square one-

 

“I did, but it was interrupted .”

 

Everyone straightened in their seats. Even Raph, despite the beanbag being unfit for such. The boys all turned their heads to Draxum, who looked… unsettled.

 

“I…” Draxum leaned forward, propping both hands against his knees. “I might have an idea of what happened. Allow me to explain-”

 

Explaining would have to wait, because Mikey chose the perfect time to shoot up , accompanied by rapid beeping from the heart monitor.

 

_________________

 

Sleep was the wrong choice. It’s enticing invitation had deceived him. It had promised comfort, escape-

 

He wasn’t even able to rest .

 

Mikey’s mind never turned off like it was supposed to. Taking away the factor of reality , of the room around him, of the pain rattling his bones, of his brothers-

 

It made his mind frantic to find something it was sure of .

 

But he couldn’t… Mikey couldn’t… sort through it all.

 

He couldn’t be asleep. His mind was in control while he was asleep.

 

Don’t say that word. Please. Don’t say…

 

He couldn’t grasp which word had caused the walls to move in. To cause his breath to increase dramatically. To cause the darkness to-

 

Darkness.

 

How had he missed that? How had he failed to notice how dark it was and the fear and cold that crept along with it-

 

It was creeping up, into his back.

 

But he couldn’t see what it was thanks to the darkness and he couldn’t see thanks to his right eye and what happened to his right eye?

 

He couldn’t be here. He couldn’t breathe he couldn’t be here he needed out-

 

His body shot up.

 

Consciousness had deceived him. Reality was worse .

 

This isn’t where he fell asleep. Mikey can’t remember where that was exactly but it was certainly not here . He didn’t know anything here he didn’t know what to do he didn’t-

 

There. Something he knew. The tentacles, the parasite was crawling to get inside him and-

 

Shit! It was already in him! He needed to get it out get it out getitoutgetITOUT-

 

There was screaming now. Good. He must be doing damage to the parasite for it to let out such ear-ripping cries. Mikey pulled on the slimy beast tighter.

 

But the creature wasn’t alone. Of course it didn’t come alone, it had backup! And they were not happy to see Mikey violently tearing their companion from where it had rooted in his skin. They were furious . They were gonna rip Mikey just as he ripped their comrade-

 

No. Worse. They had more tentacles . They were going to choke him. He could barely breathe as it is and they were going to choke the air out of him. They were moving in, ready with another parasite and more tentacles and they were gonna wrap him up and control him -

 

“NO!” was what Mikey wanted to say, but all that came out was rasp, incoherent screams. They must’ve been taking control already. That was not Mikey’s scream.

 

He kicked. He kicked wildly . What else could he do?! He couldn’t punch, they had already gotten his arms and were forcefully holding them down he could only flail his legs and hope and oh, God, he was scared so, so scared.

 

He let his guard down! It was back in him- the parasite! He was gonna disappear, he needed to fight, he needed to FIGHT-

 

But the parasite was shooting its fluid into him. Something… cold…then warm. Mmm…he wanted to smile at the warmth, but his head was heavy. The liquid…it wasn’t shooting through him… it was flowing. Gently. It was rocking him to sleep. It was… so inviting -

 

“...nooo…” Mikey had been tricked twice before. He couldn’t fall for it! It was evil, the liquid, the… what was it? What was…

 

Oh… the warmth… he made a wet click with his tongue, the closest Mikey could manage to expressing delight. He was forgetting something…the warmth was rushing smoothly. It began to flood his chest, swaddling his heart safely.

 

Mikey let the warmth take him. His limp body tumbled like sand into his brothers’ hold.

Notes:

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Chapter 9: Manipulate, Mansplain, Malewife in the Medbay

Notes:

MAN this chapter was hard to write. Anyway, on with the show.

This time, Raph was the first to jump into action. He’d sworn to be ready next time. The four of them had fought savage mutants, sadistic yokai, literal aliens ; but none of that compared to the way Raph’s heart plummeted fifty stories at the sight of his panicked, baby brother jolting awake in hysteria.

 

Raph rushed to Mikey’s aid at a speed unmatching for someone his size. It didn’t take a second for the rest of them to follow.

 

“Care to do some explainin’, Draxum?!” Raph spouted without daring to take his eyes away from Mikey.

 

“It can wait! Quickly, we-” Draxum cut himself off, catching the slightest glimpse of determination flash behind Mikey’s glazed over eyes. He would’ve missed it if not for the half a second Mikey’s eyes ceased their darting across the room. 

 

“One of you, GRAB HIM!” Shouting was probably not the best course of action, but Draxum didn’t have time to compose himself to consider his volume. Mikey was already on the move, suddenly frighteningly aware of the IV attached to his hand.

 

It was too late. Mikey had full force torn the IV from his hand before the boys could react, the youngest paying no mind to the gush of blood erupting in its trail.

 

“Mikey!” Raph grabbed the hand still unforgivingly gripping the IV and pushed it into the bed. Any normal day, Mikey could’ve completely overpowered Raph’s hold… but normal had been thrown out days ago. That didn’t stop Mikey from trying. He dropped the IV, redirecting all his focus into squirming away from Raph’s caring constraint. “Mikey, I’m gonna need ya to look at me. Mikey. Mikey!” Nothing. Mikey was squeezing his eyes shut tight with as much strength as his muscles could put out. “Leo, help me out, I don’t wanna hurt him!” Leo lunged for Mikey’s other arm using one hand to hold it down and one to push against Mikey’s shoulder.

 

“Donatello, where is the anesthetic kept?!” If Draxum had any sense of privacy, he disregarded it as he took to rummaging through the medical cabinets.

 

Donnie hot-potatoed the question, “Leo, anesthetics?!” If Donnie had time, he would’ve swelled with pride at the assumption he was the medic of the family, even if the assumption had come from Draxum.

 

“Bottom drawer, right side!” Draxum flew the drawer open with a bit too much force. Donnie could fix the hinges later. He took to preparing the bag and tubing while Donnie managed an elastic tourniquet around Mikey’s right arm.

 

It took the combined strength of all three brothers to hold Mikey’s thrashing limbs in order for Draxum to insert the fresh IV. Everyone wanted to look away, to relieve even one of their senses from the heart wrenching pain ignited by their baby brother’s terror. But they held out. It was nothing short of a miracle Draxum succeeded in admitting the IV.

 

Four pairs of eyes followed the ketamine as it cautiously approached, maintaining its leisurely speed as it entered Mikey’s arm. The boys released their hold, allowing Mikey to shoot upwards before the drug took effect. He swayed, eyes flickering before seemingly giving in to the foreign substance’s hold on him. Mikey’s body collapsed in slow motion, sinking sideways into Leo’s arms.

 

Everyone let out a sigh riddled with relief, even Mikey from his sedated sleep.

 

Leo took a moment before daring to move. He guided Mikey’s limb body backwards and tucked him into bed, pulling the dingy white sheets up and over the youngest’s shoulders. He made a mental note to bring in the best blankets in the lair after Draxum spilled the soggy, shitty beans about whatever was going on.

 

But before that, Leo absolutely had to vomit.

 

The slider made a beeline for the trash bin, violently expelling the contents of his… dinner? Yeah, that’s right. He hadn’t gotten around to breakfast. Strike that, he was definitely just throwing up a whole lot of nothing. Besides, well, stomach acid.

 

Leo felt a hand press less than politely against his face, forcefully leaning his head to the side.

 

“Move over.” It was Donnie, eager to add his own contribution to the trash bin.

 

Leo cracked a smile, “Get your own trash can, nerd.”

 

It took Donnie another minute before he was able to respond. He took a deep breath, then grabbed Leo’s sash and wiped his mouth with it.

 

“EWWWWW, DONNIE!”

 

“Don’t poke the bear, Nardo”, Donnie pushed between heaving breaths.

 

“Very funny. You’re washing this later.” Leo lifted his sash over his head and chucked it at Donnie’s feet. “Now, speaking of poking bears- Talk , Draxum.”

“Uhhh, what’s that got to do with pokin’ bears?”

 

“I was trying to connect the conversations, Raph, let me have this.” Leo never could seem to stay serious despite the crushing weight of the situation. Raph was secretly, very secretly, grateful for that right about now. But Leo’s lightheartedness vanished with the flip of a switch as he turned his attention back to Draxum.

 

“I…” Draxum looked like he himself was gonna be sick. The sheep-yokai returned to his seat, motioning for the others to do the same. “The only conclusion I… but that outcome is quite rare -”

 

“Spit. it. Out.” Donnie hadn’t accepted Draxum’s invitation to take a seat. He was still hovering over the bile filled garbage. If Leo hadn’t just returned to serious mode, he would’ve razzed Donnie for his accidental pun.

 

“It seems as if he’s funneling energy out of you three.”

 

Everyone froze, unspokenly wishing the conversation didn’t have to go on. But they couldn’t have such a luxury.

 

“I mean,” Donnie started, “I deduced that much using my mystic goggles. That still doesn’t explain-”

 

“ Emotional energy. If I had to…” Draxum paused, looking at Mikey either to make sure he was still asleep or to make sure he was still… okay. No one could tell. “...The detail regarding the nightmares supports such, but what I was trying to convey previously is that it is an extremely rare form of energy manipulation.”

 

The lack of verbal discourse encouraged Draxum to continue. For creatures who harnessed mystic energy themselves, they were certainly lacking proper understanding of the subject. 

 

“I see you require some explanation. Take my vines, for example. This technique connects to the mystic power which emits from organic life and manipulates it to take physical form. It is not artificially created energy. Do you follow?”

 

Slow nods. Good enough.

 

“It is a cycle to bend mystic energy under one’s will. Energy which is already present is adapted. The majority of techniques derive from your basic elemental sources- fire, water, etcetera- but there are stragglers… Abilities that do not fall under the standard categories, that cannot be taught , that are specific to the user… It is a rare anomaly, hence why I am hesitant.”

 

“Doesn’t sound all too far fetched for Mikey”, Leo added. “Casey told me how crazy powerful he was in the future. He was the one who opened the time gateway for him and all.”

 

Draxum could’ve given himself whiplash with how quickly he spun his head towards Mikey’s sleeping figure. He scanned the young boy for a moment before turning back to the others, rubbing his temples in the process. “I swear, you boys- If you have any additional information which you neglected to mention previously, by all means, indulge me.”

 

Everyone’s eyes scurried to anywhere except Draxum.

 

“ Fine , then. Perhaps it’s not entirely improbable Michaelangelo has harnessed at least the beginnings of emotional energy usage. Part of the reason these straggling techniques are so rare is due to the fact they handle artificial energy. That is to say, energy that is created not from the Earth, but from the people and experiences which make up such. Messing with raw energy like emotions is… difficult, to say the least.”

 

“Hold up a sec”, Raph interrupted. He needed to say his understanding of the situation out loud to see if he was riding the right train of thought. “So what you’re sayin’ is… Mikey’s been stealin’ our emotions and stuff? Shouldn’t that make us like… like…”

 

“Catatonic?” Donnie offered.

 

“Yeah, that thing.”

 

“No. In a sense, it could leave you in a less than cognizant state, but only until outside stimuli filled the void where emotions lacked. It wouldn’t be possible for you all to fall catatonic because memories and emotions are separate entities. You still possess the memories of which your nightmares derived from, but how does said memory make you feel? ”

 

For what felt like the millionth time, no response.

 

“Not all of you at once”, Draxum spat sarcastically.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

“Indifferent.”

 

The voice was Leo’s, though it was soft enough to question if he’d even said anything at all. His fingers twirled whirlpools in his lap. His bottom lip was pinched under gritting teeth. Leo’s mannerisms portrayed what his voice could not.

 

“I couldn’t even think about it. The idea of thinking about it should make me…” Leo lowered his head, clenching any and all visible muscles into a tight ball. “But it’s not. Draxum-“

 

Leo stood on shaky legs, barely landing his steps as he stopped before Draxum. Leo grabbed the collar of Draxum’s robe, awkwardly forcing the sheep yokai to his feet. The feat might have been intimidating if Draxum didn’t loom an entire foot above Leo’s head.

 

“Draxum. Why? Why can’t I feel it? Where did it… where did it go? ” Tears pricked the corner of Leo’s pleading eyes.

 

He knew the answer. It didn’t make it any easier when Draxum raised a defeated point in Mikey’s direction.

 

Leo collapsed to his knees, his gaze fixated on something distant and impossible. His jaw went limp causing his mouth to hang open in disbelief. Raph rushed to the floor beside him, squeezing Leo into a side hug.

 

If Draxum knew better, he would’ve given the slider a moment for his mind to catch up in the rat race of processing such news. He didn’t. “Energy doesn’t just disappear.. . In regards to the earlier example, the mystic vines I summon linger in the area unless I take the effort to return them to the Earth. Or until some pesky human removes them from the scene. And since Michaelangelo’s ability is internal , there’s nowhere for the energy to circulate besides his own… mind and body.”

 

“Well then, jus’ make him put it back.” Raph piped from the floor, requiring Draxum to lean his head downwards even further than before to address the turtles.

 

“That is the issue with artificial energy. It doesn’t have a ‘somewhere’ to go back to.”

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!” It was Donnie’s turn to shoot the messenger. “It’s ours . Where do you get off declaring we can’t take back the godforsaken trauma that’s rightfully ours-”

 

“That’s not what I was getting at, child.” The nickname didn’t hold any ill intent in its speech. “He can’t put it back. Even if Michaelangelo could identify which feelings belonged to each of you, they’ve all been tampered with. All four of you had been muddled together in there-” Draxum motioned to Mikey’s head, still lolled to the side as he slept. “-putting it back very well could mean catatonia for Michaelangelo. There is no method of returning what he took without jeopardizing his own safety.”

 

“Then we’ll just tell him what to put back!”

 

“Donatello, listen to me!”

 

“ No! We came to you for help , Draxum! Not some pessimistic bullshit you can bear to swallow because you don’t actually care -!”

 

“DONNIE!”

 

Everyone’s heads turned to Leo, who hadn’t moved a muscle except to mouth his words.

 

“Please. Let him talk.”

 

Donnie did, though he didn’t bother to hide the discontent on his face.

 

“As I was saying, expelling emotional energy as it is poses too great of a risk to Michaelangelo. Worst case scenario, he could expel everything . This includes his ability to take in new emotions. He’d end up in an irreversible vegetative state.”

 

Donnie looked like he was gonna be sick again.

 

“So, that is one option eliminated,” Draxum added.

 

Donnie somewhat perked up. “You mean… there’s options?”

 

“I would not be fit to call myself a warrior alchemist otherwise.” Donnie cowered in embarrassment at his own failure to consider such.

 

Draxum continued on, “there is the promise of energy conversion… but that technique is far from simple.”

 

“Covertin’ the stuff?” Raph questioned.

 

“Yes, but again, it’s a tasking mystic ability to grasp. Although, it would make the process of discharging the energy far simpler to control.”

 

“So, Mikey’s just gotta learn how to switch up his feelin’s into somethin’ more stable! That’ll be a walk in the park with his mystic warriorness, so things are good! Ya hear that, Leo” Raph was rubbing circles into Leo’s shell, desperate to fix something he could actually handle.

 

“Not if he wakes up like that again.” Leo’s voice was still barely above a whisper.

 

“And not if that hint of amnesia sticks around”, Donnie chimed in.

 

Raph felt himself shrink.

 

“Similar to any amnesia patient, the memories are still present, just hidden. Michelangelo’s mind is likely attempting to build incomplete memories based on the foreign emotions from you three. I can assume he will lack the ability to distinguish what is his between all the jumbled information his brain is transmitting. He’ll behave unpredictably, that is certain. If his brain is able to process any new material we attempt to teach him… that is improbable.”

 

Donnie and Leo felt themselves shrink, too.

 

“But there are other ways of teaching rather than the conventional methods. I’m thinking there’s something I can make… but it would require the extraordinary intellect of two exceptional geniuses…”

 

Donnie’s eyes lit up like the headlights of Jupiter Jim’s moon buggy.

 

“Validation from a parental-like figure…” he mumbled hopefully. The guy really looked as if an angel just soared down from the heavens to confirm his interpretation of life itself was spot on.

 

Guess Draxum wasn’t as dense as the boys had thought.

 

It was becoming increasingly obvious just how many similarities the two mad scientists of the family shared.

 

“Anything for Angelo.” Donnie pressed his heels together, finishing the pose with a salute. “I am prepared to take action immediately.”

 

“Good. We’ve a substantial amount of work ahead of us. Nothing you can’t handle, I trust?”

 

Donnie nodded an affirmative.

 

“The two of you”, Draxum turned his attention to Raph and Leo who still hadn’t risen from the cold, sheen, medbay floor. “Alert us instantly when he wakes.”

 

“Gotcha”, Raph went to stand, but Leo tightened his grip on the eldest.

 

His hand was trembling .

 

“Alright. Donatello, if you’d show me to your lab…”

 

And like that, they were off, leaving Raph pinned down under the bitter sting of uncertainty accumulating in the medbay air.

Notes:

So sorry for all the explanation and summary the last two chapters, I hope I managed to make it a bit interesting to read through!
Don't think your safe from the angst.
It's coming.
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Chapter 10: Mattress, I hardly know her

Notes:

Now this... this is what I get a kick outta writing.
Warnings!! for thoughts of depression, form of self harm, choking, delirium, panic attacks
^^I swear it sounds worse than it is
I hope

He didn’t want to open his eyes. His body wanted desperately to sink deep into the plush mattress, deeper, deeper,

 

But his mind wanted nothing more than to surface. It needed something. Something to hold on to. Without it, he would end up lost. He was scared of being lost.

 

He tried to ignore it, but it began scratching behind his eyes. Fires scattered under his skin, prickling random rhythms of heat.

 

How was anyone supposed to sleep like this? He groaned in discomfort.

 

“Mikey?”

 

Right. Mikey. That was his name. Surely that’d be enough to satisfy the hunt.

 

But his tongue was restless where it lay dormant against the palette of his mouth.

 

“Mikey.” There it was again. The sound was silly. My… k e y…

He liked the way the ‘ee’ forced his face into a smile. He laughed. It was silly. So, so silly. 

Mi-key… Mi-key… Mi-key … the word made his pitch bounce like a game of leapfrog. Up, down, up, down. It was so silly. Too silly.

 

“Personally, I think my name is more suitable for chanting, but yes, go Mikey.”

 

Hey. That was betrayal. Mikey was trying to stop chuckling.

 

“Hmmmm sorry not sorry, mi hermano. Making you nerds laugh is kinda my whole thing.”

 

A fair point. Maybe it wasn’t a betrayal then. Even if Leo’s jokes fell flat more often than not.

 

“Alright, that’s about enough out of you. Why dontcha get some more sleep, bud.”

 

“…nooooo…” Mikey gurgled unhappily. So Leo was betraying him. It was Leo… right? His vision was swimming. He had to get up. He had to find that something so it would stop burning him . Mikey planted his hands against the oh-so-tempting mattress to push himself up-

 

“Nuh-uh-uh”, Leo’s hand was smooth against his plastron. It sent tingles through his chest, warning the tiny fires to get back. It would’ve been heavenly if Leo wasn’t only doing so to push Mikey back into the mattress.

 

The mattress should not feel this good. It’s the shittiest one they have.

 

“Well, that’s because the mattress is sooooo lonely without you! It’s begging someone to sleep on it! You wouldn’t want the mattress to be lonely, would you?”

 

Mikey felt like he could fix that .

 

“Totally, little bro. Going back to sleep would make both me and the mattress happy as a clam.”

 

That’s good… Leo needs to be… happy…

 

Mikey was just quick enough to be able to see Leo’s soothing smile curl into a frown. He was not, however, quick enough to process it. Either that or the fact it had only been an hour since the anesthesia.

 

He went back to sleep.

 

______________

 

Someone was crying.

 

There was sniffling, whimpering.

 

He had to open his eyes.

 

Someone was hurting . Right next to him.

 

And Mikey couldn’t open his eyes.

 

He couldn’t do anything .

 

The whimpering became more desperate.

 

More pained .

 

But someone began whispering soothing shushes. Or maybe they already had been. Mikey’s ears felt stuffed with uneven wads of cotton.

 

“…who’s…”

 

A hand cupped Mikey’s cheek. It was nice, comforting... But it was distracting. It took everything the small turtle had in him to form actual words. The hand had interrupted his hard work.

 

He’d have to start over.

 

.

 

.

 

…start over… what?

 

There was a comforting hand cupping his cheek. He couldn’t place when it had settled there.

 

Mikey leaned into the mysterious hand. He hummed. He chirruped. The sound surprised him. Not necessarily in a pleasant way. He wasn’t supposed to chirrup. It made him look like a baby.

 

He didn’t want to be seen as the baby.

 

He didn’t know why.

 

But he didn’t.

 

But there was a comforting hand cupping his cheek.

 

He chirruped.

 

But the delighted sound was tainted by wobbling sniffles.

 

Someone was crying. Why couldn’t he open his eyes? He had to help, he had to do something .

 

“w-who’s… 

 

           …cry..?”

 

“crying?”

 

The hand slowly crept across his face. It was wiping something, sweat?

 

…

 

Oh, tears .

 

Mikey was crying.

 

That was okay.

 

He went back to sleep.

 

____________

“...won’t stay asleep, he…”

 

Too loud.

 

“...supposed to call when he woke up, Nardo …”

 

Too. Loud.

 

“...he’s not exactly…”

 

Please, for the love of all things good and holy shut up.

 

Mikey flung his pillow over his head. It collided with a gentle thump . He squeezed, trying, begging the noise to flee.

 

The polyester cut off his airways. Mikey couldn’t tell over the deafening sounds invading his eardrums, filling his head with jackhammers and marching bands.

 

It was getting louder .

 

How come it was getting louder?

 

If it was so loud, then how come he couldn’t hear himself breathing?

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

He was choking.

 

.

 

Was he choking?

 

.

 

…Or was he the one inflicting the choking?

 

Either way, he couldn’t breathe. 

 

Voices filled where oxygen could not.

 

Mikey couldn’t make out the words. They were cloudy, scrambled. Yet somehow, their message was clear.

 

Harder.

 

He squeezed harder.

 

It hurt. It really, really hurt.

 

But it was fitting…

 

…Deserved…

 

Plus, it pushed away the voices.

 

And for one second- one blissful second- it was quiet.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

…

 

“ ...MIKEY!”

 

No…

 

“-gelo! You gotta-”

 

…Stop… they’ll come back…

 

.

 

“BREATHE!”

 

Mikey involuntarily, helpless against his own body, shot up with a heaving breath. He couldn’t stop the sudden motion, he kept plunging forward. Something, a lot of somethings, caught him. They were speaking to him, shouting to him. Shouting at him?

 

His body convulsed violently against his will. It was selfishly feasting on the surplus of oxygen now surrounding his face.

 

He ripped the mask off. Now the voices were definitely shouting at him.

 

They didn’t understand, why didn’t they understand? They were going to come back, his brothers were inviting the noises back.

 

Purple forced its way into Mikey’s vision. There was definitely more than purple in front of him, but he couldn’t pinpoint any details. Just purple.

 

He knew purple. Purple was smart. Purple could understand.

 

Mikey sloppily threw his entire weight into the Purple’s hold. Purple clearly wasn’t expecting such, but the color didn’t retreat.

 

But it was too late. The noise was intensifying. The loud was coming back.

 

“...Donnie…” The name emerged out of reflex. Purple’s arms enveloped Mikey.

 

Not Purple, Donnie .

 

“...Donnie!” Mikey was sobbing now, messily coating Purple’s Donnie’s plastron in hefty, wet tears.

 

“I’m here, Mikey. We’re all right here.” Donnie’s trembling hands made their best attempt to squeeze Mikey lovingly.

 

“...make it-” his speech was hindered by frantic hiccups. “-make it- stop - Donnie…”

 

“I-” Mikey couldn’t look up, but he knew Donnie wasn’t getting it. “Make what-?”

 

“ PLEASE, DONNIE!”

 

He needed to hurry, it was too loud. He wouldn’t be able to hear Donnie soon, it was gonna take Donnie away from him-

 

“Make it stop..! make it stop, make it stop make itstopmakeitstopstopstop”

Mikey bawled. It wasn’t working. He couldn’t find any words. All he could do was mimic himself.

 

“...stop… make it… Donnie, make it… stop .”

 

He couldn’t feel Donnie begin rubbing circles along Mikey’s shell. He couldn’t feel Donnie’s tears begin to streak, pooling together with Mikey’s own. He couldn’t feel the rest of his family approach, blanketing him with loving hands.

 

He could only hear the voices.

 

Until they tormented him back to sleep.

 

___________________

 

The next time he woke up, it was quiet.

 

He didn’t like the quiet either, but it was better- much better- than the former.

 

His brain also felt a little less foggy, emphasis on a little . Mikey was getting used to the shadow of confusion constantly perched on his shoulders. It didn’t make it any easier. The scene surrounding him was, still, utterly confusing.

 

But his eyes had opened thoughtlessly, and that was a remarkable feat in and of itself.

 

The lights were dimmed, which Mikey was beyond grateful for. His head felt like it’d been thrown in a blender. Or maybe a washing machine. He was too tired for metaphors.

 

Alright, so the mystery of his splitting head. That was confusion number one. Number two was the time. Mikey took his best guess it was nighttime from the lack of buzz in the lair. Number three…

 

Was this the medbay? Why was he in the medbay?

 

Oh right, his head.

 

Well then… mysteries solved!

 

…So why did he still feel like he was missing something?

 

Donnie was passed out at the medical desk. The folding chair seemed an unwelcoming host for sleeping, especially with the way Donnie was forced to sit at an angle due to the size of his battle shell.

 

Donnie knew better than to sleep with that on! Well, Mikey hoped. Donie was scolded too many times to count for it, yet the message didn’t seem to stick.

 

That’s just Donnie for ya. Mikey swung his legs over the bed, getting up to take Donnie’s shell off for him. He didn’t mind, he just hoped it hadn’t been long enough for Donnie to wake up with excruciating back pain.

 

The battle shell loosened with its indicating hisssss of releasing air. Mikey leaned it against the desk, making sure it was positioned so Donnie could see it when he wakes in the morning(?).

 

Standing next to Donnie, Mikey was able to get a better view of the lair beyond the medbay.

 

Yep. Definitely nighttime.

 

Mikey figured he should go back to sleep because he did not want to go through the effort of having to fix his sleep schedule.

 

But… didn’t he usually do something at nighttime?

 

Uh, Sleep?

 

No… That was too obvious… That dread of feeling- knowing he was missing something was beginning to settle in his chest. He scanned the room, searching for some unknown clue-

 

His gaze fell on Donnie.

 

Something sort of like muscle memory took over, except it wasn’t really muscle memory because Mikey had no idea what he was trying to achieve here. But there was an itch swirling beneath Mikey’s hands. They needed to move.

 

They needed Donnie.

 

An invisible tether puppeted Mikey’s hands towards his brother’s softshell. It didn’t hurt, he wasn’t scared…

 

Just confused .

 

Even more so when he started glowing .

 

“What the-?” Mikey caught himself. He didn’t want to wake Donnie with… whatever this was.

 

But he was really confused…

 

…the confusion floated away…

 

This felt right …

 

.

 

.

 

Until it didn’t .

 

Until Mikey’s entire sense of self was seized by distress.

 

Until-

 

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!”

 

He hit the ground. The world returned. Mikey returned.

 

Leo had… tackled him to the floor?

 

And his face…

 

His brother’s seething face…

 

Was worse than whatever the hell Mikey had just felt.

Notes:

THE TEMPTATION TO NAME THIS CHAPTER "take care of my key for me" but i didn't know if there r any tokyo revengers fans over here KFGHDJHFJDFKAJF
ily guys with everything i've got. Plz feel free to comment, it makes me the happiest lil guy in the world!! and motivates me!!
You know where to find me!
@thistiktokisnotreal on tt
@heg2468 on twiter
@filsamek here

Chapter 11: I Wanna Apologize to All of You for What I did, It Was Very Wrong

Notes:

Hi Leo enjoyers, this one's for you.
Originally I wanted to write the next scene as well for this chapter, but I didn't wanna make y'all wait an extra day! It can get its very own chapter tomorrow (it'll still be the usual length, do not worry friends!)

Time stopped.

 

At least, it felt like it did. But Mikey couldn’t stop time… right? If he could, he’d probably still be lit up like a Christmas tree. So he was pretty sure time didn’t literally stop. 

 

It didn’t. It was just moving without him.

 

Because it was a fair question…

 

What was he doing?

 

“...hear me…?!”

 

Leo was scared mad of at him. He needed to answer. Leo needed an answer.

 

But he didn’t have one .

 

And the fact is, that scared him .

 

“...said… you fucking … HEAR ME…?! ”

 

Oh god, Leo was mad. He was so, so mad. Mikey wanted nothing more than to ask why , but his throat constricted. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes, but no sound followed. Even if it did, Mikey couldn’t tell over the buzzing invading his eardrums.

 

Now he didn’t know what Leo was saying. He couldn’t answer if he didn’t know what Leo was saying . He didn’t even know what Leo was so mad about!

 

Because every part of Mikey screamed that whatever he was just doing was right .

 

So Leo had to be mad at him for something else. But Mikey didn’t know what. There was too much to choose from, he messed up so much. All the time. Over and over.

 

Over and over and over and over.

 

He’d somehow sunk past the bottom of the barrel. This was a new low- too weak to even answer his own brother.

 

He hated that.

 

He hated himself.

 

When did he get so pathetic?

 

…Maybe he always had been.

 

Mikey tried to steadily retreat into his shell, but his captor didn’t like that.

 

He was captured? When did he get captured?

 

Probably while he was busy wallowing in self pity.

 

Good-for-nothing.

 

…Why was he even fighting…?

 

He let the buzzing fill his senses.

 

_____________

 

“I said , did you fucking HEAR ME?!”

 

Leo wanted nothing more than to believe he’d been hallucinating. He’d only got up to get a glass of warm milk, which absolutely didn’t do a thing for his insomnia but it’d become a silly routine of his.

 

The day had been unbelievably long. Even with the help of heavy anesthetics, Mikey just wouldn't stay asleep. He woke once an hour without fail, each time painfully obvious of his body’s protest at the fact. Each time, Leo or Raph or both indulged in whatever nonsense drugged-up Mikey had to offer until his inevitable crash back to sleep.

 

Each time they hoped he’d sleep through the hour. Each time he didn’t.

 

Each time they hoped he’d wake up more okay than not okay. It was 50/50 he did.

 

Some hours in, Draxum and Donnie returned to the medbay. They rehashed the work they’d achieved so far, more for their own sake rather than Raph or Leo’s. Not like the latter two could follow the conversation anyway. Leo got something along the lines of plans for an energy converter thingy, but they’d need more parts. The details got lost ‘cus, well… ya know… Mikey freaked out.

 

And that really left Donnie shaken up. Couldn’t blame the guy. Mikey was depending on him to ward off… whichever of their baggage he was seeing.

 

But everyone was helpless.

 

But Mikey couldn’t see everyone.

 

He could only see Donnie.

 

And Donnie had failed.

 

So instead of a shopping outing with Draxum to the Hidden City, Donnie chose to stay with Mikey. No one complained, they all would’ve done the same if it’d been them. Draxum took off eventually, leaving the three teens with nothing to do but wait for the next hour.

 

But, miraculously, Mikey didn’t wake up the next hour. Or the one after that.

 

And Donnie watched him silently the whole time.

 

Eventually, Raph nudged Leo in a ‘let’s give him some space’ kind of way. The two should probably get some sleep anyway. Even if they both knew that wasn’t going to happen.

 

So they excused themselves, parting ways to their respective train cars. It was no surprise Leo couldn’t sleep. It was no surprise he was up and about at two in the morning.

 

What was a surprise was the marvelous, golden glow pooling from the medbay.

 

The beauty of the twinkling hue should’ve been alluring. Instead, Leo’s stomach flipped.

 

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!”

 

The words escaped Leo without thought. Everything happened too fast.

 

It was such a long day. But this moment… was too fast.

 

And now he was on top of his baby brother, viciously pinning the box turtle to the ground before his better judgment could catch up to him.

 

“Didn’t you hear me?!”

 

Leo’s words came out sweltered with rage. He couldn’t control it. Because what the hell?

 

Their lives were already so unfair before actual aliens came to destroy the world. Why did it have to be their responsibility? Why did they have to fight? 

 

He’d been ready to die for them. What was the point in his sacrifice- in all their sacrifices-

 

If Mikey took it all for himself.

 

“I said, did you fucking HEAR ME?!”

 

Now Mikey was trying to go into his shell. That only added fuel to the fire. Leo adjusted his weight, pushing Mikey’s wrists further into the stone cold floor.

 

Why was he being so goddamn stubborn?! When did Mikey get on such a high horse to even fathom making choices like this?! Leo’s the leader. Leo makes these decisions. And this was NOT one he approved, it would NEVER be one he approved-

 

“LEO! GET OFF OF HIM!” 

 

That was Donnie.

 

That was all it took.

 

Leo blinked and slowly allowed the horror of the situation to kick it.

 

What the fuck was he doing?!

 

He had Mikey pinned to the floor, he had his baby brother trapped under his malicious grip.

 

And Mikey wasn’t fighting . He was just… letting it happen .

 

Leo had seen something like this before.

 

.

 

.

Wretched, little, PEST!

 

.

 

.

 

Wipe that grin off your face!

 

.

 

.

 

But Leo was on the wrong side this time.

 

He watched as his tears trickled downwards and dripped onto Mikey’s own tear stained cheeks. Leo pulled his hands back, his entire body tremoring against jagged, fast paced breaths. He was a wreck. He was breaking down like a baby over his baby brother. And that appalled him.

 

Donnie helped Leo awkwardly tumble off of Mikey’s unmoving body. His lungs clenched together at the slight movement, desperate to hold onto what little oxygen it had left. The air felt cold inside his throat as it contrasted against rasp hiccups.

“Mikey- I’m- sorry… I’m- s-so… sorry!” God he couldn’t get it together. Donnie placed a hand against Leo’s knee, signaling he was there for him- for them. But Leo didn’t know how to react.

 

He just kept crying.

 

.

 

“...s’okay…” 

 

Leo rapidly blinked away the fresh batch of tears clouding his vision. There was Mikey, still lying in the same position on the floor save for his head which was turned towards Leo.

 

“...s’okay, Leo…” Mikey gave an unconvincing smile. The gesture only shattered the rest of Leo’s broken heart.

 

Leo reached for his brother… his youngest, idiotic, selfless brother. But Donnie’s hand curled from its perch atop Leo’s knee.

 

Oh, right. Last time he tried this it didn’t turn out so good.

 

“Can I…” stop talking, Leo, stop talking. “...Can I hug you..?”

 

Mikey managed a gentle “...mhm”. It was almost convincing.

 

But Leo couldn’t stop himself from scooping his brother into a full body hug. Mikey let it happen, unable to reciprocate since Leo had secured Mikey’s arms under his own. Donnie joined in, his embrace allowing much more freedom than Leo’s.

 

There were arms around all three of them now. Big, comforting, spiky arms too gentle for their size. Leo must’ve woken Raph with his sob fest.

 

Leo wailed , his shaking frame extending into the group hug. His tears spread like the curse of yawning, encouraging his brothers to join in. He shouldn’t be the one falling to pieces, but this was so unfair .

 

They sat like that for a while. Exactly how much time passed not one of them could say, but it was enough for Leo to regain some control over his voice.

 

“I guess we got a lot to t-talk about, huh?” It was certainly more wobbly and scratchy than Leo would’ve liked, but it did its job just fine. Mikey responded with the tiniest nod. That or his head had just toppled forward under its own weight.

 

Leo wanted nothing more than to talk about it, all of it, with Mikey, but it was a poor sight watching Mikey struggle to keep his hold on consciousness.

 

“...But that can wait. Get some sleep for me, ‘kay?”

 

“...’kay…”

 

Mikey didn’t waste a second. 

 

He fell back asleep.

Notes:

Said it once I'll say it a million times- i luv u guys so bad. If ur liking my silly lil story leave a comment! they make my heart explode and make me wanna write more to share with u precious people!
ALSO GUYS SHOULD I STOP WITH THE SAD EXCUSES FOR FUNNY TITLES BAHAHAHAHAH THEY'RE SO OUT OF PLACE BUT IT GIVES A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY I HOPE
U know where to find me!
@thistiktokisnotreal on tiktok
@heg2468 on twitter (im scared of twitter but I still have it)
@filsamek here!

Chapter 12: To Quote That One MCR Song: Thx 4 The Memories

Notes:

ten... thousand... hits. Holy hell
(TEN THOUSAND YEARS IN A TIN CAN'll GIVE U SUCH A CRICK IN THE NECK) sorry i think of it every time i hear the word ten thousand and now u have to as well.
Seriously guys. What the hell. I'm overflowing with gratitude. Thx to everyone who's read this far, that is so insane ppl have read 20k words of my little thoughts and ideas.
AND I THANK YOU ALL WITH A DAY LATE UPDATE IM SO UNDESERVING OF YALL- i have discovered writing the actual explanations of Mikey's fancy emotion-feeling shenanigans takes me extra long. Oopsie! But here it is!

Not one of the three wanted to move from their impromptu turtle pile in the center of the medbay, despite the location being wildly uncomfortable. What lacked in physical comfort was made up for by each other’s presence.

 

But one of them had to make the first move. Mikey deserved an actual mattress to sleep on.

 

Leo was willing to play the bad guy (even though he was sure he’d done enough of that already) and disrupt the serenity of the group hug. He was the one holding Mikey, anyway. It made the most sense for him to interrupt the moment.

 

Leo did his best to adjust Mikey’s flimsy figure so he could rise to his feet. He must’ve looked incredibly awkward trying to do so because Raph quietly swooped in, affectionately rubbed his hand across Leo’s head, and raised the sleeping box turtle in his tender arms.

 

Donnie and Leo followed in Raph’s trail. They didn’t have any real reason for doing so, just that Raph’s aura gave off a sense of composure. Even if the eldest was scared out of his wits (he was), he held himself with the bravery and fortitude that a big brother was expected to.

 

Raph knew how to handle this one. He was used to tucking in a tuckered out turtle or two.

 

In fact, the whole ordeal was admittingly kind of uplifting to him. It reminded Raph of simpler times, times when they were small. Times when his brothers admired him simply for being older.

 

Times when he was needed.

 

His brothers hung on the edge of his movements as Raph lowered Mikey to his rightful spot on the medical bed. As soon as scales met sheets, Leo was there to pull the covers up and bundle their youngest brother as snug as possible. Donnie lingered behind, looking as young as he did in Raph’s nostalgic memories.

 

“Leo… what happened?” the softshell finally found the voice to ask. Donnie looked so small, so timid .

 

Leo couldn’t bear to add to his twin’s sorry state.

 

“...I’ll tell you guys later. Why don’t you get some water and we can-”

 

“No!” Donnie shrank, embarrassed at the volume of his voice. He paused to make sure Mikey didn’t wake up thanks to him. “...No… I know, coming from me it’s… I’m not…”

 

His brother's expressions were riddled with sympathy. He didn’t want that. Donnie whipped his gaze to the floor.

 

“...not talking is… essentially what got us into this mess…”

 

God, it sounded stupid- so stupid - coming from him of all people. Donnie could feel his brother’s doubtful gazes narrowing in on him. What right did he have to accuse them of not talking about it? Donnie was famous for shutting himself off, for holding everything in until he snapped.

 

But that’s what made the observation all the more meaningful.

 

And now, God, Leo felt stupid- so stupid .

 

“ Shit .” Leo clapped his hand over his forehead, leaning backwards against the pressure from his palm. “That’s a… really fair point.”

 

Leo let out an extra long sigh and took a seat on the beanbag with a “ huff” .

 

“We’ll have to ask Mikey later, but I’m, like, almost a hundred percent sure he was doing it again.”

 

“...Ya can’t be serious.” Raph quietly spoke from his seat next to Mikey’s bed.

 

“Wouldn’t it be nice if I wasn’t.” Leo spread out his arms, sinking his whole weight into the beanbag. “But I know what I saw, otherwise I wouldn’t have… reacted the way I did.” Leo rerouted the conversation before he had time to sulk at his own stupidity. “Donnie, how much did he get?”

 

“If that’s your way of asking how I feel…” Donnie trailed off, studying his hands as he flexed his fingers over and over. “Not any different. Although, admittedly, I’m not entirely sure that I would notice- What with following my established ‘emotionless-bad boy’ role of the team.” Donnie added that last part with a dramatic eye roll to emphasize his established sarcasm.

 

“You’d notice. Believe me… you would.” Leo wasn’t really intending his words to be reassuring, but he could tell it lifted some kind of worry off Donnie’s chest.

 

“I… I shouldn’t have fallen asleep-“

 

Leo was not about to let Donnie continue that thought, “No, nope, none of that. You need the sleep. You won’t be much help with the energy converter thingy without it.”

 

Donnie crossed his arms, offended. “I can work just fine on willpower alone. I am simply unable to continue without the necessary parts.”

 

“All the more reason you needed the sleep . Just wait till Draxum gets back with the stuff.”

 

“Nardo, you know I can’t just sit back and wait- Actually building the machinery is but a small portion of the equation. There’s planning and preparing, hypotheticals, alternatives-“

 

“Wanna go over it with us?”

 

Raph didn’t totally expect Donnie to take the bait. Sure, he loves spewing science nonsense at the two of them, but he was kind of in a mood. He could rack that big brain of his till Draxum came back. He didn’t need to waste time explaining concepts that would just go over his brothers’ heads.

 

But there it was, that glimmer of ‘big brother admiration.’

 

“Well for starters, this whole process would be inconceivably less grueling if we could succeed in getting Mikey to just talk.”

 

“He will. We agreed once he woke up, remember?” Leo added

 

“Easier said than done, my simple-minded friend.” Leo tossed a scowl in Donnie’s direction. “Anyhow, building the physical conversion device shouldn’t pose too difficult of a challenge. Energy transformation is by no means a newly discovered concept. What will be difficult is Mikey’s… capability in cooperating.”

 

“I said I’d get him talking when he wakes up-“

 

“Not that. Well, partially that, but I’ll comment on that matter soon enough. I was addressing the issue of Mikey’s literal capability.” Donnie took note of the way confusion was pulling his brothers down like quicksand. They tried not to show it on their faces, but clearly the two were anxiously analyzing every word Donnie spoke.

 

“Uh, alright- let me think.” Donnie pinched the skin between his eyes. “The water wheel- the most basic form of energy conversion… I don’t have to explain the water wheel, do I?”

 

This time it was Leo and Raph’s turn to cross their arms offendedly.

 

“Fantastic. The water wheel utilizes the kinetic energy from the water’s movement to transform said energy into either mechanical or electrical energy. That said, stationing a water wheel in a body of water lacking natural flow- like a pool or a lake- would render the invention useless.”

 

Aw, crap. They opened Pandora’s box. At least Donnie was shrouding in his usual overconfidence again.

 

“If we take the basic principles of energy conversion that follows the laws of physics, adjusting such to fit the laws of mystic powers should be easier than circuiting a simple battery- That is, of course, a figure of speech. Even a toddler could work its way around manipulating a positive and negative charge or two.”

 

“Holy hell , Raph, why’d you have to get him started on- OW.” Raph chucked a nearby ball of medical tape at the back of Leo’s head.

 

“Keep goin’, Dee, I’m followin’. Well, more or less.” 

 

“I appreciate your willingness to try, Raphael. Leonardo, you’re slacking. Do better.”

 

“Oh my GOOOOOOOD-“ Leo’s whining was met with harsh shushing from the other two. Right, Mikey’s sleeping. They were a loud bunch by habit, it was easy to forget their need for volume control when in the comfort of their own home.

 

“As I was saying, we have adequate blueprints for the conversion device. The outstanding variable we’ve yet to cross is Mikey’s influence on the matter. 

 

“The device will only be able to filter any mystic energy it’s introduced to. Mikey has to act as the power source to get the energy moving . I have little doubts surrounding such a task, the kid’s mystic power levels are off the charts. 

 

With the help of the device, Mikey should be able to kickstart the conversion cycle. The machine will adapt to the input of emotional energy and output it as a new, yet to be decided form of energy. The device knows what type of energy to look for. It will prohibit young Angelo from releasing any emotional energy it doesn’t recognize as… extreme trauma.”

 

“That’s great, Donnie! Ya got a solid plan right here!”

 

“Flattered as I am, Raph, don’t thank me yet. There are still two dire concerns unaccounted for. Number one: There is no guarantee the conversion will be a one and done thing. Mikey’s mind is scrambled . We have no idea just how much trauma is hidden under the surface level. Not just that, but his thoughts and mismatched memories are also incredibly unstable. While he may be able to pinpoint the emotions attached to certain traumatic memories in one moment, he could easily forget about it the next. His brain is going to constantly be on shuffle in an attempt to protect itself from overloading. It’s extremely likely Mikey won’t be able to input the accumulation of emotional energy he’s holding on the first run.

 

Number two: As Draxum stated earlier, memories and emotions intertwine with one another. While removing the emotional energy will relieve Mikey’s current overwhelming feelings… it won’t… it won’t fix his mental state.”

 

Wow , Donnie had been rambling for a long time. He could use some water, he hadn’t realized how the cool air was unpleasantly scratching against his vocal cords. Had he been properly taking breaths between sentences? Because all of a sudden he felt really lightheaded -

 

“Woah, Dee!” Thank Science his brothers had literal ninja reflexes. Leo had an arm up and around Donnie before the softshell even realized his knees were buckling under him. “Donnie, it’s okay! Let’s just take a break, we can keep going when-”

 

“No, no I’m fine. I just need to sit down.” Leo looked at him with an expression flooded in uncertainty. “Please, I can keep going.” Donnie nodded his head nonchalantly in Raph’s direction. Leo seemed to understand. He lowered Donnie into the beanbag chair the slider had previously been occupying.

 

“Sorry… about that. Anyhow, to put it simply, Mikey won’t lose the memories his brain has constructed based on the emotional trauma he took from us. He’s lost in his own head right now, but Mikey’s still in there. It’ll just be… a process. To regain his sense of self.”

 

There was dead silence while Donnie took a moment to steady his spinning vision. “We’ll come up with a system to help Mikey organize what’s him versus, well, us. I can’t lie and say it’s going to be easy…”

 

“Since when has that ever stopped us, dude?”

 

Donnie was unprepared for any sort of reassurance from his twin brother. He’d just broken the most horrific news imaginable, dropping it like an anvil and crushing the slim spec of comfort in the room.

 

“Leo’s right. Plus, now we’re headin’ in the right direction thanks to that big brain of yours, Donnie! We got this!”

 

“Yep. And we’ll do it together.” Leo turned towards Raph, grinning sympathetically.

 

Tears escaped Raph’s eyes before he had the chance to stop them. But they weren’t matching with the tears that had soaked and stained the past twenty four hours… they glistened with pride at the strength of his family. Raph repeated the phrase wholeheartedly.

 

“Together.”

Notes:

mandatory i luv u all & ur support is everything to me.
Leave a comment ! I don’t care what it is ! I love hearing from y’all!
U know where to find me!
@thistiktokisnotreal on tt
@heg2468 on twitter even tho im still scared of twitter
@filsamek here!

Chapter 13: Cooking for Dummies

Waking up sucked.

 

Mikey woke up struck by the confusion that followed heavy sleep. It wasn’t a new occurrence, waking up hazily unaware.

 

What was new was the fact the confusion stuck around.

 

Opening his eyes was a sensation he’d rather not experience this time around. They were crusted shut, yet somehow still moist enough to secrete sticky eye boogers from the corners. But he had to do it. Seeing would help clear away some of the confusion, right?

 

Mikey pried his eyes open, lazily wiping the fluids away with the palm of his hand. The crusted pieces scratched against his cheeks as he rubbed away the proof of exhaustion.

 

And there they were. All three of them.

 

And try as he might, Mikey could not identify a single expression on any of his brothers’ faces.

 

“Um… hi.” Mikey made a feeble attempt at normalcy. The gesture didn’t land.

 

For a split second, Mikey thought he caught Donnie elbowing his twin. But Mikey couldn’t think of any reason for him to do so… it must’ve just been the mucus still building up in his vision.

 

“H-Hey, Mike.” Oh, maybe the gesture did land. it must’ve taken Leo an extra second to respond to Mikey. That made sense, Leo looked extra sleepy. “How’re you feeling?”

 

Why were they asking? Was it just to be nice? Maybe Mikey’s eyes were accidentally signaling some sort of illness.

 

“M’good. Hungry.” Mikey slowly rolled over in preparation to get up for the day, but a hand blocked his path.

 

“Raph can getcha somethin’, whaddya hungry for, Mikes?” They sure were nicknaming his already nickname a bit… oddly today.

 

“That’s ok, Raph, I got it. Feels like I haven’t moved in days!”

 

His brothers each grimaced in turn.

 

“Okaaaay, you dudes are acting super freaky. I’m gonna go make breakfast, ‘kay?” Mikey stood up, an intense amount of pins and needles shooting up his legs. “You guys can come join after you clean yourselves up- Seriously, you’re a wreck! Healthy hygiene is the first step to a happy household, boys.”

 

Heh, schooled by the youngest. Mikey marched out of the medbay riding a horse a little too high for his current state.

 

Medbay? Eh, he’d think about it later .

 

The remaining three brothers stayed welded to the floor, absolutely dumbfounded.

 

___________

 

Mikey took his time in making his way to the kitchen. He said he was going to make breakfast, but he didn’t really have a clue what time it was. Most of the lights were off around the lair, plus his brothers didn’t protest at the mention of breakfast, so Mikey felt safe to assume he was right. Somehow though… he didn’t feel safe strolling around the lair. Something was off, maybe just the lack of liveliness? Still, Mikey sped up his pace.

 

When he finally made it to his destination, Mikey was startled to find Donnie already seated at the table, intently typing away on his wristband. When he caught sight of Mikey, he jerked his arm behind his shell, completely failing (assuming he was trying) to appear nonchalant.

 

“Angelo! Hello! I, uh, failed to notice your arrival! How long have you been standing there?”

 

“Like two seconds.” Mikey’s tone was flat. This was beginning to peeve him.

 

“Ah, but of course! Well then, I guess I did notice your arrival, but I simply failed to notice I noticed your arrival! HA HA, lighthearted laugh,” Did Dee just say ‘lighthearted laugh’? “I should- um, find out where Leo is! Yes, that excuse- I UM, did I say excuse? I meant excuse him - Leo! For his tardiness-”

 

“Did I… do something wrong?” Mikey grabbed his dangling elbow with his opposite arm, squeezing his plastron in a sad excuse for a hug.

 

“What, no! Angelo, of course not!” Donnie’s chair skidded against the floor, leaving a harsh screech as he flew to his feet. Donnie stopped directly in front of Mikey, arms hovering as he contemplated whether a hug was the correct option in this situation. “You didn’t do anything, I just-” Donnie’s breath hitched as he watched Mikey’s tears fall and plop against the kitchen floor. He decided. He extended his arm, using one hand to gently lead Mikey’s head to press against his plastron.

 

“You just… seemed happy. We wanted you to stay happy.”

 

Mikey didn’t totally understand, but the sentiment was sweet. He lifted his head, sucking in stray sniffles and loose boogers. Donnie scowled at his little brother’s disgusting atrocity.

 

“Thanks, Dee. Wanna make breakfast with me?”

 

Donnie rolled his eyes, but he didn’t bother trying to hide the smile spreading across his face. “I would be honored to help.”

 

____________________

 

Leo nearly choked on his toothbrush at the rapid-fire notification jumpscare from his phone. It nearly propelled itself off the counter thanks to all the buzzing. Leo bit down on his toothbrush, freeing both hands to seize the device. He quickly muted his texts, reading the incoming messages as he spat toothpaste into the sink.

 

Donnie: ‘Mikey’s acting normal. Try to play along.’

 

‘Avoid possible trigger words. Aim to keep him calm.’

 

‘Also any movement that could trigger him.’

 

‘^^^ avoid it, that is.’

 

‘We’ll get him to talk later. For now, just preserve the peace.’

 

‘Please.’

 

Leo replied with a spam of unrelated emojis from his recently used.

 

Raph disliked a message

 

Leo promptly sent over a ‘ rude’ accompanied with an eye roll emoji. He added the fingernail emoji in a separate text for good measure.

 

Leo pocketed his phone and prepared to head down to the kitchen. He left a healthy wad of his bright blue toothpaste in the sink just to get under Donnie’s skin- Someone had to keep the usual vibe of the lair going.

 

That’s about all Leo was good for right now. If Mikey was gonna take Leo’s thing, then Leo would fill Mikey’s duty in his stead- brightening the room.

 

There’s no way he could pull it off the way Mikey could. Still, he slapped on an irritatingly peppy grin and made his way through the liar.

 

Leo bared his teeth as he bounced through the dark subway station, despite the lack of company in his stroll. His muscles tugged his grin further and further, causing his cheekbones to emphasize against his skin. As he advanced, his top lip began to quiver against the strain.

 

What was that thing Donnie told him? It takes 72 muscles to frown, but only, uh, less than that to smile? Leo couldn’t remember the exact number, but still, shouldn’t smiling be easier than the frown he so desperately wanted to fall into?

 

The slider stopped a fair distance from the kitchen. He became distracted by something salty tingling the surface of his lips.

 

Stop crying, Leo, get it together. Mikey needs you right now.

 

But he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t pretend. For a split second, Leo almost wished he could forget everything like Mikey seemed to have. The thought only made his tears flow faster. Why was this so hard ? Leo wanted more than anything for everything to be sort of alright again, so why was pretending it was so hard ?

 

Maybe because he did this. Maybe because his failure to face what happened led to Mikey’s decisions. He was just the first domino in a teasingly long line of mistakes and missteps.

 

A hand landed on Leo’s shoulder- which he now realized was tense with the same invisible wire dragging his smile upwards. He craned his neck, still smiling stupidly as he locked eyes with Raph.

 

Leo had to bite his bottom lip to stop himself from breaking apart right then and there.

 

“You okay there, Leo?”

 

No, don’t do that. Don’t ask if I’m okay. Don’t start the chain reaction that comes whenever you ask someone who’s not okay if they’re okay.

 

Right on cue, Leo’s smile dropped fifty stories, plummeting fiercely as it contorted into a heart wrenchingly dejected frown. All Leo could do was shake his head over and over.

 

“Oh, Leo.” Raph didn’t give Leo the chance to shyly request a hug. He swooped forward, enclosing the slider in a tight embrace prickled with ironically comforting spikes from the snapping turtle’s figure. Raph pulled away much too soon for Leo’s liking, but he didn’t have time to protest as his older brother grabbed his hand and began leading him back the path he came from.

 

“C’mon. Donnie’s got this one. We’ll catch up with ‘em later.”

 

Leo, again, could only respond with physicality. He tilted his head, meekly nodding only one time.

Unfortunately, the situation was quite the contrary. Donnie did not, in fact, have this one.

 

__________________

 

“Well then, Chef, what’s on the menu for today?”

 

Hmm, it was a fair question coming from the assistant chef… Yet it still caught the head chef off guard. What was on the menu?

 

“Well, Assistant Chef, I’m feeling awfully generous today. How about you choose the dish of the day- show me what you can do, number two.”

 

“ Oh-ho-ho , is that a challenge I hear, my dear Angelo? I accept your proposal! Prepare to, literally, eat thy words .”

 

Nice. Now Mikey wouldn’t have to choose what to make and Donnie was too distracted to pry at Mikey’s hesitance to pick.

 

Donnie smugly adjusted his apron, tightening it dramatically around his plastron. “I choose pancakes. I shall tackle yours and Raph’s favorites. You can make mine and Leo’s usual. Not that I’m suggesting you will reign victorious, but I do want my meal to actually turn out. Just in case.”

 

“Oh you’re on , Donnie! Readyset go! ” Mikey dashed past Donnie, untying his freshly adjusted apron along the way.

 

“Heeey, that’s a foul, young man!” Donnie shouted in Mikey’s wake.

 

Mikey turned back and stuck his tongue out, “With what ref!” He gripped the refrigerator handle, flinging the door open.

 

Mikey paused, allowing the frigid, cool air he was freeing from its metal prison to singe his fingertips.

 

Where… should he start?

 

“Timeout!” Mikey whipped around, the refrigerator pushing a swell of cold air against his carapace as it slammed shut. “I gotta use the bathroom first!”

 

“Timeout?! No sir, I need any advantage I can get! You better hurry back before I steal that head chef title of yours.”

 

“Fine, fine! I’d like to see you try, old man!” Mikey teasingly stuck his tongue out once more, laughing at Donnie’s visible horror at the nickname. Mikey skidded as he sprinted around the corner, leaving Donnie behind in the kitchen.

 

Mikey slowed his pace once he was sure his footsteps were out of earshot. He allowed his feet to drag at a speed significantly slower than his thoughts.

 

He tried to overpower the raging river in his head with facts and reason. Donnie said he did nothing wrong! He had to believe his older, smarter brother!

 

But something was wrong. Something in Mikey was wrong and he couldn’t grab onto it but it was wrong wrong wrong-

 

He was wrong. Donnie made it clear Mikey was supposed to know his way around the kitchen. He just wanted to grab some cereal, but Donnie expected a full on meal! Why?

 

This is wrong. You’re missing something, Mikey. You’re failing them, Mikey.

 

No! No… he was just… missing something. He’d find it. He’d find it and then head back to the kitchen.

 

He couldn’t just go back without it. Donnie so very badly wanted him to be happy… but without it

 

He felt so w r o n g.

 

.

 

Mikey wandered aimlessly through the lair. He hadn’t noticed earlier since he was so unsettled, but the place felt… hazy . He couldn’t distinguish one room from the next. But that wasn’t right- he knew how to get to the kitchen! He must’ve been working himself up. He really needed to hurry up and find whatever he was missing.

 

Mikey needed to narrow his search. He strolled into a room guarded by a much heavier metal barricade than those surrounding it. The area beyond the doorway was decorated head to toe with wiring and machinery. A warm purple hue tinted the curves and crevices of the scene, adding a sense of homeliness to the otherwise cold subway car.

 

This… might be it .

 

Mikey sat at the lone chair centered between extravagant computer screens and loose cabling. He leaned forward, reaching for a button which caused the biggest screen to light up with life. That’s a good sign! He knew how to turn the thing on!

 

But it was passcode encrypted. Mikey didn’t know any passwords.

 

A dead end. He left the room shrouded in defeat, forgetting to shut off the computer behind him.

 

He tried another room, this one much more spacious than the former. Actually, it was pretty much empty except for a couple worn punching bags in the center. There were storage closets stretching all the way to the ceiling, which Mikey figured would be as good a place as any to start his search. He stepped forward, but a glimmer of light reflection caught his attention and redirected his stride.

 

There was a rack on the wall, holding four weapons in wait until their wielders arrived with work for them. The light had bounced from the blade of the blue-hilted katana resting on the rack. The sword identical to it was clumsily discarded on the floor beneath.

 

Mikey bent down to pick up the lonely katana. He tousled the weapon in his loose grip.

 

Maybe. It had potential.

 

But Mikey’s curiosity got the best of him. In his free hand, he grabbed a single sai from the rack.

 

This one felt like it could be his, too.

 

Mikey dropped the mismatched weapons from his hands just a bit too carelessly. They collided and clanged together as they hit the padded floor. Mikey was getting nowhere like this. Everything was wrong . He stomped out of the room, the only evidence he was ever there being the stray weapons on the floor.

 

Whatever he was looking for, Mikey decided he wasn’t going to find it in this dingy subway station.

 

Mikey knew the sewers outside the station were shallow, a pretty useless piece of knowledge his brain decided to hold on to. He jumped the short distance from the elevated pipe which functioned as their entranceway to the sewer water below. The box turtle angrily kicked up tainted water as he walked, a fair amount of the stuff splashing right back onto his plastron.

 

This was so stupid! What was he even looking for? How could he even be certain there was something to look for! It’s not like he was certain of much else.

 

The way Donnie looked at him, expecting someone who wasn’t there. He so casually presented Mikey with the task of pancakes, like the answer was painfully obvious to them both. Not only that, but Donnie didn’t even consider Mikey would fail to understand ‘everyone’s favorites’. He had no idea what everyone’s favorite flavors were, much less his own! Was that something family was supposed to know? It had to be considering the way Donnie suggested it!

 

He didn’t know… He didn’t know what was going on and he didn’t know where the Mikey Donnie was looking for went.

 

But it absolutely was not him! Because Mikey as he is couldn’t even do the basic task of making pancakes! For God’s sake, he couldn’t even start the task! He froze like an idiot when faced with a fridge full of possible ingredients. He’s an idiot! A stupid, stupid , good-for-nothing idiot! Why the hell did Donnie say he wanted Mikey to be happy, he didn’t even want this Mikey! He wanted his Mikey… A Mikey who knew how to do anything without needing to be walked through it like a toddler.

 

He was the wrong Mikey…

 

He’d lost Mikey. He couldn’t find him and he was so scared and lost-

 

Shit. Shit! Mikey had been walking through the sewers that whole time. He knew he was supposed to know how to get back by himself, but ‘supposed to know’ had failed him one too many times today.

 

He snapped back into reality, taking note of the sewer walls seemingly closing in around him.

 

He had no idea where he was.

Notes:

I WANTED TO KEEP GOING BUT I DECIDED YA KNOW WHAT THIS CHAPTER IS LONG I'LL CUT IT IN TWO. But I've already started on the next one cuz im evil nehehehehehehehehe.
GUYS SOMEONE WHO ISN'T ME MADE ART FOR THIS FIC AND IT MADE ME SO HAPPY AND I'LL LINK IT AND U HAVE TO WATCH IT. BONK
HERE IT IS THANK U SO BAD @sapflower ON TT I SOB!!!
U know the drill I luv u guys u r too good to me- leave a comment to make one lil guy (me) smile! And speedrun the next chapter.
Find me!
@thistiktokisnotreal on tt
@heg2468 on twitter
@filsamek here <3

Chapter 14: Peas in a Perilous Pod

Notes:

STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE YOU CAN'T READ THIS CHAPTER UNTIL YOU'VE CHECKED OUT THIS FANART RIGHT HERE
I'm serious when I tell you my jaw dropped and stayed there the whole day once I saw this. Oh my lordy. Thank you so very much @brxnwenn on twitter i am exploding.
One like on this tweet = one minute the next chapter comes out faster IJHFBDJHVFLDJJFS

Also! Warnings this chapter!! Suicidal thoughts, PTSD/Panic attack, plus the usual stuff.
Thanks ahead for reading!

The contrast of their bandanas, along with the incredibly dramatic size difference, made the two boys’ silhouette the wonkiest pair of 3D glasses this world’s ever seen. Leo rested his forehead against Raph’s plastron, letting his body go limp which resulted in a build up of pressure against the contact point. Raph was petting his shell. He didn’t shush his brother. He didn't press for details. He just let Leo do what he needed to do.

 

And what Leo needed to do was let it out, at least for a few minutes. Leo hated crying. It always left his diaphragm sore in a taunting fashion, reminding him of his moment of vulnerability.

 

His mind and body were at war over the situation. He was supposed to be the leader, the composed captain of the crew. Crying in front of his team, never mind the former leader , would only bring down their overall morale.

 

But crying in front of his brother, his big brother … That seemed okay. It seemed safe. Raph was just too damn good at being a shoulder to cry on.

 

What felt simultaneously like an eternity later and an eternity too soon, Leo pulled away. While his withdrawal made his plans to get back out there clear, his body protested the decision. Leo sucked in shaky sniffles and shook away loose tears. The trembling which accompanied each long breath proved the slider was by no means good to go.

 

“How ya holdin’ up, big guy?” Raph finally questioned. He wasn’t asking for anything in particular. Leo could take the lead and interpret the simple question as he pleased.

 

“Like I’m…” Leo was aiming to crack a joke, something to convince his body it was time to collect itself, but…

 

...not talking is… essentially what got us into this mess…

 

Mind Donnie was just as annoyingly persistent as its original source material.

 

“...Like I’m not up for this, Raph.” Leo couldn’t meet his older brother’s soft gaze, he’d literally just managed to stop crying. “I… know how to pretend. I’m used to it, believe me,” Leo accidentally let a weak laugh escape his lips, “but I don’t want to.”

 

“You wanna be honest with us, Leo. That’s a good thing-”

 

“ Is it?! ” Leo jumped up, flailing his arms every which way while he paced around Raph’s room. “Is it a good thing, Raph?! Because I sure as hell was fine pretending before all this! I could’ve pretended my whole life! So why’d he have to- ARGH” . Leo’s shoulders hiked up to his tympanums, his fists curling till white poked at his knuckles. “I’m just so- mad at him! I took on that burden. I was supposed to deal with it ! Not Mikey!” Leo kicked the air, unsatisfied with the air’s inability to collide with his foot.

 

“Yeah, it was pretty stupid of Mikey, wasn’t it?”

 

“Yes!”

 

“Like somethin’ he probably should’ve talked over with his team, huh?”

 

“ Yes! And- ”

 

“Sorta like a selfish move to throw himself into, decidin’ to burden it all himself.”

 

“ Exactly , yes! And-” Leo spun on his heels, eyes finally breaking from their fit of rage and falling upon Raph. There the snapping turtle was sitting cross armed on the bed, one brow raised, with a smug grin curling his lips. The look was definitely more suited for Donnie. 

 

Leo soured under the realization, “-Ohhhheewww…”

 

“Uh-huh.” Raph discarded his amused demeanor. How had Leo forgotten big-brother-mode was a double edged sword! Now he was cornered.

 

“Hey, no fair, man, What I did was completely different-”

 

“Oh yeah? How so.” Raph was ready for a challenge, it seemed.

 

“Because I didn’t have a choice!”

 

“And how’d ya know that one? Didn’t exactly talk it over with your team, did you?”

 

“There was no time, Raph! You know that! You were hurt, Donnie was hurt, Mikey was hurt! You guys were only gonna get more hurt if-”

 

“So you saw an opportunity and you took it.”

 

“Yes!”

 

“So that your brothers wouldn’t hafta hurt anymore.”

 

“Yes, whatever! But-”

 

“Despite what it meant for you .”

 

Oh.

 

“Stop doing that, Raph!”

 

“Okay, but lemme talk. I’m not tryin’ to attack ya here, Leo. I’ve had a whole month to think on it and… I don’t blame you.”

 

Leo’s eyes widened.

 

“Because I would’ve done the same thing. So would Donnie. So would any of us . Because we’re just like that .”

 

Leo was crying again. Goddamnit.

 

“I’m mad at him too, Leo. But I’ve also been here before. As much as I wanna smack that kid upside the head for all this… I know I’d do anything if it meant takin’ some of that weight of the world off your guys’s dumb heads.”

 

“I…”

 

Every single fiber of Leo’s being was telling him don't say it stop talking please don’t say -

 

“I wanted to die, Raph.”

 

Raph sat up, pulled forward by an invisible harpoon stabbing through his chest, reeling him in and God this is what Leo wanted to avoid so just stop-

 

“All I could think was why couldn’t he have finished the job? I was right. There. Right in front of the Kraang. He let me live because he knew it’d be so much worse than-”

 

He lost hold of his words as Raph forcefully pulled him into his classic bear hug.

 

“Leo…”

 

No. Don’t say his name like that. Don’t hurt for him when-

 

“And now-” Leo could barely speak through rapid, short inhales which attempted to regain proper oxygen levels. “Mikey-” he gasps , “ Mikey has it -”

 

“Shhhh, Shhh, it’s okay, Leo. It’s okay .”

 

It wasn’t okay! Only Leo was allowed to feel that way, Mikey was innocent-

 

“I might’ve only got bits and pieces of Donnie’s spiel earlier, but I did get that Mikey’s little head’s a bit messed up right now. So, don’t think the worst just yet, Leo. Remember Donnie’s text? Mikey’s okay right now. And I know it’s scary- it’s scary for me too. But if there’s a chance Mikey can feel okay for even just a little… I wanna help him ride that train as far as he can.”

 

Big-brother-mode was worth it. Leo squeezed his arms into Raph’s shell, trying hard to reciprocate the strength in his older brother’s hold.

 

“...Have you… been watching dad’s soap operas again?”

 

Raph let out a loud chuckle. Leo couldn’t tell if it was forced or not. It didn’t matter, it still made Leo feel a bit better. “Nope! What you just got was all Raph original, baby!”

 

Leo bonked his forehead against Raph’s plastron in a teasing effort. Leo was rewarded a head pat in return.

 

This was nice. Leo could hog big-brother-mode for just a little longer.

 

____________________

 

.

 

.

 

Things weren’t meant to last.

 

It couldn’t have been more than four minutes later when Donnie pounded on the door to Raph’s train car. The gesture wasn’t needed since Donnie just burst right in anyway. The soft shell looked panic stricken , somehow even more so when he laid eyes on the scene he was disturbing. Donnie froze, either out of fear or hesitance to interrupt whatever brother bonding was happening in front of him.

 

Leo spoke first, silently signaling to Raph that it was okay to end the moment. Leo’s bloodshot eyes said otherwise.

 

“Dee? You good, man?” Leo’s voice was smooth, normal albeit the expected concern at his twin’s appearance. Guess he got his acting groove back.

 

“I lost him.” Donnie stated plainly.

 

He picked a poor choice of wording. Lost could be easily misinterpreted, especially with the fragile state of Mikey’s consciousness. Donnie would usually avoid such common means for confusion by selecting more advanced vocabulary... Donnie didn’t have the luxury of composure to do so.

 

“Like, in the lair?” Leo offered.

 

Donnie swallowed hard . “He said he was going to the bathroom. I- I’ve looked all over.”

 

“Don’t fret, mi hermano. You always were the worst at hide-n-seek. Don’t think the worst just yet!” Leo tossed a wink in Raph’s direction. “Let’s split up. You two do a sweep of the lair again. I’ll start on the sewers- Catch up with me if you boys draw a blank in here.”

 

“Got it.” Leo didn’t doubt Raph until he spoke an affirmative. He sounded uneasy. Leo couldn’t tell which brother it derived from.

 

Probably all of them.

 

“But you call us immediately if anythin’ happens, capiche?” Raph added before Leo ran out the door.

 

“Nothing’s gonna happen, big guy. But sure, if it’ll ease your mother hen nerves,” Leo slapped his heels together and gave a teasing scout’s honor salute. “I’ll swear on it”

 

Raph responded with a slightly annoyed, “ Thank you”, as Leo took off.

 

Raph kept his gaze on the door, half expecting Leo to return to get the last word in. He spoke to Donnie while he waited. “Alright Donnie, where should we-“

 

Why did Donnie look like he was holding back tears?

 

“Raph… I’m sorry…”

 

Oh, ‘cuz he was .

 

“What the heck for?” Raph hoped his tone still had his usual T.L.C to it behind his genuine confusion.

 

Donnie was focused on a very old, very permanent pizza stain on Raph’s shag carpet. He better not be getting any ideas, because Raph had tried all of them. Well, he planned to anyway. He didn’t actually care about the stain that much.

 

“I miscalculated twice now. Mikey was under my supervision and I lost him-” Raph noticed the way Donnie’s neck jerked in a way it hadn’t in years. Donnie was clearly trying to suppress the urge to revisit the nervous tic he had outgrown years ago.

 

Raph rested his palm against Donnie’s jittering neck and gently massaged his fingers over the area. He knew the maneuver was safe to do so. There were many occasions in their youth where Raph used this method to soothe Donnie during particularly bad episodes. It helped reach an insatiable itch under Donnie’s skin… not to mention relieved the pain.

 

“Donnie, do I look like I’m blaming you?”

 

Donnie craned his neck against Raph’s palm, studying his older brother’s soft expression. “No?”

 

“Good. ‘Cuz I’m not. Did Leo look like he was blaming you?”

 

Donnie looked slightly bothered by the question, “I don’t know, I-”

 

“Am I gonna have to call him and check?” Raph took out his phone, letting it light up threateningly in his hand.

 

“No! No… he didn’t.”

 

“Right. ‘Cuz he’s not. And neither is Mikey, so let’s go find him so you can see for yourself.”

 

Donnie removed Raph’s palm so he could properly nod in agreement, then moved towards the door.

 

Raph was glad to see his big brother skills weren’t all that rusty after all.

 

_______________________

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Time passed.

 

.

 

Probably.

 

.

 

Mikey wandered till he wondered why he’d even wandered at all. He didn’t know where he was. He didn’t know where he was going. He didn’t know where he wanted to be.

 

.

 

But this wasn’t it.

 

The water, which rose only ankle deep, had long since pruned Mikey’s feet to an uncomfortable degree. He couldn’t see through the murky substance, but he could feel the skin on his toes pressing as easily as cooked potatoes. He didn’t wanna walk anymore. Every wall looked the same, rusted and grimy from years of neglect. No one loved these walls. Just like no one loved Mikey. Someone must’ve loved him once… but no names came to mind. Not much came to mind. His head was a puddle of black tar, threatening to pull him deeper and deeper if he got too close. There had to be something under the tar, but Mikey couldn’t breathe down there. The tar knew this, tried to take advantage of this. It noticed him fishing in its territory for names, faces - it stretched out, seizing his ankle.

 

No… He didn’t want this! He was sorry- sorry for ever looking, digging, hoping- He knew he wasn’t supposed to, but he was tempted by the possibility of hidden names… any names… even one…

 

He just wanted a name. Just one… even his own…

 

The tar took his name. It was a warning.

 

Don’t. Look. Again.

 

He couldn’t place when it had happened, but he was sitting in the water now. Its touch was cold except where it had long since numbed around his feet. He didn’t want this… He wanted to be held, or spoken to, or heard, or seen -

 

The tar loosened, seeming to give in to the wants as it dripped unevenly away from coated memories. It lay in wait, hoping for him to accept the offering. He didn’t-

 

The tar shoved the gift down his throat. It burned as it clogged his airways, causing tears to prick his vision.

 

He got what he wanted. Someone was seeing him.

 

No. No, no, no, NO!

 

He tried to move, to run , but the ground slipped from under him. His hands flew out to catch him, bracing for the cold water ahead-

 

His hands collided with broken ground. Literally, broken . Someone had broken it.

 

He was next .

 

He whipped his head to see behind him, causing his vision to sway and cease to settle. In swinging glimpses he caught… metal .

 

Get up… get UP. YOU HAVE TO GO!

 

He couldn’t get up. The figure was approaching rapidly , its metal surface creating a light show of monochromatic hues with each looming step. Now he could hear it, screaming, screeching at him. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe -

 

He retracted into his shell.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

It was dark.

 

.

 

He didn’t like the dark.

 

.

 

Things came out in the dark.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

He forgot for a moment. Then he was being lifted , still inside his shell.

 

It became all too real.

 

He popped out of his self inflicted prison, flailing haphazardly punches at whatever had him in its grasp.

 

It screeched, recoiling in pain. This was his chance. He had to run .

 

The enemy sprang to life, stretching every limb to its limits and throwing itself onto him. Its frantic screeches tore at his tympanum, scraping as it clawed its way into his skull.

 

“... ten to me… Mikey!”

 

It was infiltrating his mind. It hurt -

 

“... Mikey!”

 

But… a name. He wanted names. More than anything . And the enemy was using his-

 

No! It’s a trick. Tune it out he had to tune. It. Out-!

 

“...ight! It’s… me… it’s Leo!”

 

He stopped struggling at the name.

 

.

 

A trap.

 

.

 

He started struggling again, but in his brief moment of pause the words behind the screeches figured out a way to become clearer.

 

“Mikey, listen to me! Whatever you’re seeing, it’s not real! ”

 

“You’re lying!” Was that his voice? It sounded nearly as unpleasant as the initial screeching, like it had been strained and discarded.

 

“Mikey, please!”

 

“ NO!” He couldn’t take it. It was too much. He didn’t know what to believe but he knew somewhere, sometime, someone had warned him of situations like this. Of liars. “You’re LYING!”

 

“I’m NOT lying! Look at me!” He wouldn’t. He squeezed his eyes shut. “Mikey! That void, that skyline, that cracked, cold rubble and- and that haunting, scattered metal- it’s not real !”

 

“Then how do you know it’s there-!”

 

“ BECAUSE I’VE BEEN THERE A MILLION TIMES, MIKEY!”

 

.

 

It what?

 

.

 

“ And you’re not supposed to be there…”

 

.

 

Not… supposed to?

 

He’d only… he’d only known supposed to for as long as he could remember.

 

But that’s not right. There’s more than just supposing. This person… this…

 

He forgot his eyes were clamped shut. He fluttered them open, revealing the agonizingly distressed, tear-stained face of his brother. Of Leo .

 

He, Mikey, wailed . His cries echoed far, far down the sewers beyond. He flung himself onto Leo, even though the slider already had a tight grip around him from when he tried to run.

 

Mikey couldn’t articulate any words. All he could do was sob Leo’s name between hiccups and whimpers.

 

Leo could only do the same, replacing Mikey’s name in place of his own.

Two selfless, stupid, idiotic martyrs. Their names twisted as one in the circulating, persistent echoes of the sewers.

Notes:

I'm not TOTAAAALLLLY sure if I'm happy with the way the end of this chapter turned out but I've been writing for hours and the point is there I hope. They've got some shit to talk about. Point said.
BONK.
Also I had a fun time projecting my tics onto Donnie that was nice I wanna do that again
U guys r the best and i hope u dont get tired of me saying such.
U know where I am!
@thistiktokisnotreal on tt
@heg2468 on twitter
@filsamek here!

Chapter 15: Back to the Drawing Board!

Notes:

Well this chapter sure is LONG. Oops. Sorry for missing the usual update yesterday, sometimes I remember to take care of myself! All you fools thinking I'm mostly Mikey kinnie- jokes on you I'm purple turtle coded yOU PLEBS. Would y'all believe me if I said Donnie's my favorite. I find it funny that I'm writing this long ass Mikey fic for my second fav (DONT TAKE IT PERSONALLY MIKEY MY BOY U R AN EXTREMELY CLOSE SECOND)
ANYWHO- I've got plans this weekend! I don't usually do things! I'm nervous and excited, but update maaaaay slow just for the weekend. I say that now but I also say everyday I'll break but I get too many happy chemicals from writing this.

Leo shot a text to his brothers letting them know that he ‘ got Mikey ’ along with their current location. Hopefully that’d be enough to calm Raph’s overprotective nerves. It probably wouldn’t be, but Leo didn’t have the energy to explain further. It was also a bit challenging trying to type with his one free hand. Leo had Mikey in his arms bridal style, the latter holding on for dear life as if loosening his death grip would send him tumbling back to his mindscape hell. 

 

Mikey had his face tucked into the crevice that joined Leo’s neck and left shoulder. He was still shaking like a leaf, even if his flow of tears had slowed during their venture back to the lair. He’d gotten pretty damn far. Leo would be lying to say he wasn’t the tiniest bit impressed at the ground Mikey was able to cover in such a short time. But it was a minuscule reaction hidden under intense worry and sore muscles. Seriously, it was quite a walk, and Leo wasn’t built for carrying his brothers quite like Raph was. His arms begged for a breather and his legs shuddered with each incoming step.

 

It was almost incredible he managed to leave without his swords. Portaling would make for a much easier search and rescue- especially the rescue part. It didn’t matter, though. Leo’s adrenaline muffled his awareness for the most part. He let his body autopilot him through the dark sewers, allowing his mind to drift aimlessly.

 

He only retook control of his movements when two silhouetted figures materialized at the far end of his field of vision. Leo could hear them carelessly kicking up sewer water with each panicked step as more and more of his brothers’ details became visible.

 

Leo hadn’t the time for his eyes to depuff. They were a sore testimony that things did not, in fact, go quite as smooth as Leo assured it would.

 

Mikey stirred in his arms, apparently agitated by the tumult his brothers were causing in the distance. He pushed further into Leo’s neck, allowing Leo to feel Mikey’s eye sockets shaking at  the pressure which Mikey was pressing his eyelids closed.

 

Obviously he didn’t know it was his brothers coming, Mikey couldn’t recognize their footsteps as they collided with the sewer water. And he definitely wouldn’t open his eyes to check… but Leo didn’t have a hand to signal a shushing finger.

 

“Mikey, cover your ears for me.” Mikey tensed further, curling his fingers where they rested upon Leo’s shell. “Hey woah, I’m not letting you go anywhere . I just gotta shout at our dumb dumb brothers for a sec, ‘kay?”

 

Mikey paused, debating his next move carefully. He slowly unwrapped arms, quivering as he found the courage to raise them over his tympanums. Leo craned his neck as best he could to give Mikey a small kiss on the forehead, letting the youngest know he did good.

 

“ GUYS! BE QUIET!” The two incoming were close enough now to make out Leo’s exasperated expression. Likewise, Leo could now make out the two incomings’ facial expressions. Both sheepishly dropped on cue at the slider’s discontent. 

 

Raph and Donnie adjusted their pace to one a bit more fragile, but still noticeably hurried. Leo tapped Mikey’s head with his own to let him know it was safe to come back. Mikey wasted no time returning his arms to their strangling hold around Leo, but still refused to raise his head.

 

Donnie’s voice gave no effort to match his footsteps in volume as he approached.

 

“Is he okay- Are you okay?” Great, if it didn’t even take Donnie a full second to notice Leo’s swollen eyes then there was no hope for Raph’s case.

 

“He’s okay”, Leo responded, ignoring half of Donnie’s question. “He’s still scared, he’s pretty shook up-”

 

“ Both of you are shaking”, Donnie retorted. He was not fond of the way Leo neglected to answer.

 

“ Yeah , ‘cuz I’ve been carrying this dude for half a mile! My arms are about to break off so can we please - woah!”

 

Leo was lifted off his feet as Raph awkwardly maneuvered the three of them into a travel-ready turtle piled, minus Donnie of course. He was more than happy being exempt from this one.

 

______________________

 

Back at the lair, they were more than surprised to find Draxum standing cross-armed at the doorway, an expression mixed with concern and, more noticeably, fury painting his face.

 

“Gee, rough night?” Leo raised his browbones in an effort to appear smug. It didn’t land as well as he’d liked, what with being cradled in Raph’s arms plus being exhausted beyond reasoning.

 

“Rough night? Rough night?! My night went perfectly according to plan, for your information. My morning, however, was thrown tremendously astray due to the absence of four particular turtles at my arrival-“

 

Mikey whimpered, his head now pressed in a small gap between Leo’s shoulder and Raph’s plastron. Draxum abruptly stopped his nervous parent rant.

 

“Is he awake?” Draxum reached a curious hand forward, letting it hover in the air as he waited for an answer.

 

“Mikey? You awake down there?” Raph jousleted his left arm which was supporting the majority of Mikey’s weight. Mikey grumbled in response, twisting his head towards his own plastron since Raph was disturbing his previous resting spot.

 

“Draxum’s here to see ya… Wanna see for yourself?”

 

The room froze as if they were all together approaching a scared, wild animal. Everyone’s eyes were glued to Mikey, hanging on the slight hope he may finally raise his head, finally realize he’s safe . The air was strangely still, the only sound being the buzzing noise of nothingness to fill the room. For a moment, Raph wasn't sure if Mikey had heard him. But then, slowly , Mikey turned his head to the world, still clutching Raph for dear life.

 

Now all eyes were on Draxum and he, for one, didn’t know what to say. This wasn’t exactly his field of expertise, yet everyone was looking to him as if he had all the answers.

 

Mikey answered for him, carefully descending to the ground and crushing Leo’s bones along the way. The slider would’ve razzled him for it in any other circumstance. Not that they’d ever done this particular awkward turtle pile in any other circumstance, but still. Now that Mikey was up, everyone got a good look at just how not good the box turtle looked. If Leo’s eyes were cotton balls, Mikey’s were the entire factory. His cheeks glimmered as they met the dim light of the lair, his wrinkles accentuating all the same. Every movement was sluggish and shy, but it was clear Mikey was on a mission.

 

There was something comforting simply found in the presence of an adult figure. Yes, Mikey held his brothers above the world, but Draxum had the wisdom of age. Even if the sheep yokai looked more like a deer yokai in headlights, Mikey craved the safety of someone older, someone who’d experienced more life .

 

Mikey sent the absolute saddest little smile Draxum’s way, but Mikey’s eyes wouldn’t hold their gaze. They seemed to have trouble fixing themselves on a target, too wary of their surroundings to narrow their focus.

 

But then they did focus on something. Something that the rest of them couldn’t plainly see. And with the flip of a switch, Mikey took the role of ‘deer in the headlights’. He flung himself forward, grasping at Draxum’s robe with incredibly weak fingers. Mikey was shaking hard enough to cause a small earthquake- Draxum definitely felt himself tremoring as if experiencing such.

 

“s-sorry…” Mikey’s voice peeped, muffled through the thick combination of Draxum’s robe and wool.

 

Draxum looked hilariously helpless in his current state. Leo used this excuse to coerce Raph into putting him down so he could relieve Draxum from comfort duty.

 

“Woaaaah, are these the parts from the Hidden City?” Donnie was seated at the couch digging through the tote bag Draxum had left unmonitored. “Fascinating.”

 

Draxum watched in disbelief as Donnie studied the contents of his bag. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you not to dig through belongings that aren’t your own?”

 

“Hmm no, no I don’t believe they did. Perhaps proper etiquette falls under the categories a certain absent father figure could’ve instilled.”

 

“Donnie”, Raph spat threateningly. His tone inflicted a similar terror as when a parent starts counting to three. “So ya got the parts? How long ya think it’ll take for you two to get that machine-thingy workin’?”

 

“Raphael, you can call it by its name, it isn’t going to bite you”, Donnie put the piece he was examining down so he could effectively cross his arms. “It’s difficult to say, but the energy converter should perform effectively in about… two days?”

 

Draxum raised one skeptical eyebrow.

 

“Uh… two and a half days?” Donnie offered.

 

Draxum’s brow didn’t waver.

 

“Three… days?”

 

“It’ll be complete in the next week.” Draxum, emptied of patience for the soft shell, responded to Raph’s question.

 

“The next week ?!” Donnie jumped to his feet, cradling the loose parts securely in his arms. “Give me a few days, Raphael- I’ll need to factor in extra time to find this old man a nursing home .” Donnie scowled at Draxum and turned for his lab. Draxum snarled before rolling his eyes and following Donnie back to their work.

 

_________________

 

Mikey wanted nothing more than to be alone right now, even with the harrowing horror at the idea. Unfortunately, there were only two options, and Mikey couldn’t fathom mustering up the energy to engage with company. If he was lucky, sleep may be so kind as to take him away before he could focus on the sinking sensation of solidarity.

 

But despite all his unknowns, Mikey did know that Leo was as stubborn as they come. So when the slider insisted on spending some time together, Mikey knew the chance of his brother backing down was close to none. It didn’t necessarily bother Mikey, he was indecisive to make a decision anyway, but he dreaded the inevitability of messing up again.

 

Leo wanted to spend time with him. He loved spending time with Leo.

 

But he didn’t know what they usually did .

 

The two of them sat in uncomfortable silence on Leo’s bed (the slider insisted it was a better hang out spot than Mikey’s hammock. Mikey wasn’t going to disagree). Leo restlessly rocked back and forth, using his hands to pull on his criss-crossed legs so they would sway with him. His eyes were glued to the ceiling, presumably lost in thought.

 

Mikey studied his older brother, wondering if he was waiting for Mikey to do… something. Mikey tilted his head, an unfortunately adorable habit that stuck with his body even through memory loss. He began mimicking his brother's movements, the mattress transforming to crashing waves under the influence of their synchronized rocking.

 

Mikey’s chest fluttered at the movement.

 

He kept on even when Leo paused, whose thoughts apparently had come to whatever conclusion they were seeking.

 

“Wanna draw?” Leo’s smile was sympathetic, welcomingly inviting Mikey’s response. It was a sincere smile. It didn’t conceal any hidden motives- it didn’t have any.

 

Mikey really didn’t want to break that smile. This is why he really didn’t want to be around anybody. He furrowed his brows, concentrating on the question. He had only two options, one of which was the big red button to destructing Leo’s happiness-

 

“Mikey,” Leo’s voice was soft, matching the tone his smile had set. “There’s no right answer, bud.”

 

Leo’s kind expression persisted, so Mikey figured it was sturdy enough to handle whichever he chose. And drawing did sound nice… 

 

“Mmmm, sure.”  Mikey rolled off the bed feet first, standing in wait for Leo to do the same.

 

“Sure or yes?” Leo lifted a smug brow, smile still intact.

 

“Yes”, Mikey said with a heavy nod. He wished he could sound excited- he was excited. His heart hopped happily in his chest at the sound of the activity the same way it did when he started rocking. If just the sound of the word could spark something in Mikey, then physically drawing might be even better.

 

“Alright!” Leo finally bounced off the bed, making his way to the door with an extra pep in his step. “Now this is one thing your room is more suited for, Miguel. As charming and perfect as mine is, this is the one area I will admit defeat.” Leo winked and headed out the door, beckoning for Mikey to follow.

 

It wasn’t a far walk- quite literally it was two subway cars down. Mikey was grateful Leo went ahead and led the way without a second thought. Mikey was pretty sure he knew the way… but he didn’t wanna take that chance. It would’ve been super embarrassing if he got lost going to his own room .

 

Leo also went ahead and snatched the container of assorted art supplies from one of Mikey’s many storage boxes. They set up smack dab in the middle of the room, clearing stray comic books and empty soda cans from the floor. Leo dumped the box of crayons on their freshly “tidied” area, each one rolling with the momentum. The slider flopped on his plastron, feet kicking rhythmically in the air as he doodled anything and everything that came to mind.

 

Mikey watched with utmost attentiveness as Leo brought his monstrosity of a page to life. Mikey scrunched his face, trying to decipher the battlefield of scratchy lines and mismatched colors.

 

Leo finally let his smile drop, but it was clear to be in joking offense. “It’s supposed to be Donnie having one of his bitch fits. See? I got his skyscraper forehead and everything.”

 

“Yeah, but where’s his face?”

 

“It’s right there!”

 

“His eyes aren’t even on his head, Leo.”

 

“Yeah, ‘cuz they’re popping out of his frickin’ skull, that's how angry he is! Trust me little bro, I’ve been the butt of enough bitch fits to know as much.”

 

Mikey could easily believe such, but certainly not from Leo’s drawing skills. Mikey picked up his own choices of royal purple and forest green and began filling his own page. It was now Leo’s turn to watch intently.

 

“Fuck, that’s really good.” Leo whispered as if his volume may disrupt the process. Mikey turned his head and stuck out a victorious tongue aimed at his brother. Leo scoffed (out loud, not like Donnie would) and returned to his own paper. “Well well, we’ll see about that!”

 

The two of them created angry Donnie drawing after angry Donnie drawing till their small sanctuary on the floor was a sea of fierce purple. Eventually, they each moved on to their random own doodles, adding some pop to the tedious purple pile. Leo mostly drew shitty pictures of himself, feeding his own ego with imaginary scenarios depicting assorted victories. His page also incorporated way too many of those annoying S’s milked to the point of exhaustion at one point in their life.

 

Mikey’s pages were much easier on the eyes. For one, you could actually tell what he was drawing. He started with sketching things he could physically see, mostly action figures and old chip bags. He drew some Leo’s, too. Then some Raph’s. Then a bunch of silly shapes, anything his mind could hold onto for long enough to take form on the page.

 

As Leo’s focus on his own work intensified, so did the silence between them. Mikey tried to focus on his own drawings, but the meaningless doodles had lost the enchanting hold on him. They were no longer giving him a sense of fulfillment. He began feeling… cowardice at his own creations.

 

Mikey wondered if he was allowed to draw anything . Leo sure looked like he was drawing anything. Mikey could just ask his brother, he’d been so patient with his depleted brain thus far.

 

He bubbled up the tiniest bit of courage- it didn’t take nearly as much as Mikey would’ve anticipated. “Leo?”

 

“Hmm?” The slider hummed, not looking up from his page but raising his eyebrows to indicate his attention.

 

“Am I allowed to draw anything?”

 

That got Leo to peel his eyes away from his work, “Yeah, dude. Whatever you want.”

 

Leo said the phrase with that trademark smile, the one that Mikey trusted above anything else he’d learned today. Mikey flipped his page over for a blank canvas to allow his mind to switch gears. Leo waited till Mikey began before returning to his own work.

 

Mikey drew. He used much darker colors this time which were proper for capturing the images he wanted to display. He yearned to get even just a bit of the scenes flashing behind his eyes onto physical paper, something he knew he would be able to come back to. But it proved quite the task. Mikey couldn’t produce a full landscape or outright scene in an organized fashion like he wanted. So he just doodled. Whatever he could hold onto. Whatever he was quick enough to get on the page.

 

“Can I see that?”

 

Mikey was snapped out of his train of thought- which was actually more like a train of not thoughts. He hadn’t been thinking, because thinking hurt. Just drawing, as if under a strict countdown of his own accord.

 

“Sure, but there’s not much there”, Leo crawled on his hands and knees and plopped down directly beside Mikey. Mikey handed him the page, embarrassed at its contrast to his previous work.

 

“Mikey, there’s a ton here”, Leo studied the page with hopeful horror. Mikey felt like his chest was going to collapse under the pressure of his brother’s intent investigation of the page. “This is- This is really good stuff here, Mikey. Do you think you could keep going with this for me?”

 

Leo handed the page back to Mikey, which still had plenty of room to fill with scattered, pieced together chaos. Mikey reached for the bubblegum pink crayon he’d been using- a sharp distinction from the blacks and grays layering the page. He kept on, Leo’s strong gaze buzzing through his hands.

 

But now Mikey was thinking. He was thinking about what he was bringing to life, what he was manifesting in his brain, what he was inviting in-

 

“Hey”, Leo rubbed his shoulder, dragging his fingers inward then gently pushing them out. “I know it’s scary, but I’m right here, okay mi hermano?”

 

Right. Leo was with him. Leo asked him to do this. He owed so much to Leo.

 

So Mikey drew. His hands trembled, causing lines similar in quality to Leo’s. Something was reaching up his throat, clawing and squeezing with intense determination. Mikey pressed on. Leo was there. 

 

The presence in his throat derived from something deep, deep in his stomach. It twisted where it lay previously dormant, digging sharp anchors in the soft tissue lining his stomach. The weight of the anchors fought against the buoyancy of his nausea, the two opposing forces leaving destruction in their wake. He kept drawing. Leo was there.

 

Mikey couldn’t tell if his lines were swaying due to his pulsing hands or his dizzying vision. He kept drawing. Leo was there. Leo was there. Leo was there.

 

Leo wasn’t there.

 

His heart slammed against his chest, breath speeding up as all his body’s troops attempted to contain the vital organ from ripping a hole through him. Mikey dropped the crayon, clutching at his plastron with his right hand and his neckline with his left.

 

“... gelo…hey…Mikey!” Leo forced himself into Mikey’s vision, tightening his gentle grip on both of Mikey’s shoulders. Mikey could barely process the uneven swirl of colors, but it was enough. Leo’s signature red stripes were strong enough to burst through the scrambled sea that was Mikey’s eyesight on their own.

 

Leo was here. Mikey released the hand crawling up his own throat, lightly lining Leo’s stripes with his finger. Leo chuckled as Mikey’s finger skimmed over his left eye.

 

“There you are.” Leo was smiling as he spoke. Good. “I’m sorry I pushed you, bud- but this is great stuff- really great stuff.”

 

It was? It looked like a bunch of mumbo-jumbo to Mikey.

 

Leo moved one of his palms away from Mikey’s shoulders, grabbing his phone and dialing what Mikey could only assume was one of his brothers. It was. Donnie picked up before the quiet hum of the tone could ring twice. Said quiet hum quickly turned to incoherent shouts on the other end of the line.

 

“Can it, Dontron, we’re fine. Can you come to Mikey’s room for a hot sec? And bring Raph with you.” Leo hung up the phone before Donnie could even attempt to respond. Mikey chuckled weakly and Leo winked in return.

 

Donnie and Raph appeared not a moment later, both hunched over and gasping for breath.

 

“Donnie, dude, I said we were fine”, Leo shook his head even though his expression was completely unsurprised. “Could one of you grab Mikey’s sticker book from the box over there?” Leo pointed lazily with his foot to the orange chest in the far right corner. Raph complied while Donnie stood stuck in the doorway, hands on his knees as he overdramatically wheezed for air.

 

“What’re you two rascals up to in here?” Raph rubbed the two seated boys on the head, gentle circles slowing as he caught sight of Mikey’s artwork.

 

“Why the hell are there so many drawings of me?” Donnie picked up a particular piece, the words “big fat meanie” pointing to a sorry excuse for his portrait. “Distastefully so, might I add.”

 

“ Bitch fit ”, Leo whispered to Mikey. That got another chuckle out of the box turtle. “Raph, can I see that sticker book?”

 

“Oh!” Raph forgot he had the iridescent covered book tucked under his arm. “Yeah, sure thing.”

 

Leo began flipping through pages, using his few fingers as holding places for his selected stickers. Each one was unique, but they all shared a common factor- blue.

 

“Can you guys grab some that are your colors?” Leo tossed the book to Donnie, who fumbled it in his hands before securely catching it “We’re gonna label his work.”

Notes:

Mandatory ily guys. Leave a comment, any comment, if you feel so inclined! They make my writing process go BRRRRRRR (faster).
I hope I managed to instill some comfort. i stg it's a hurt/comfort fic my friends.
You know where to find me!
@thistiktokisnotreal on tiktok
@heg2468 on twitter
@filsamek here !

Chapter 16: Mr Brightside

Notes:

I'm back in business !! Thx for ur patience while I was away, u guys r so good to me. BUT I MISSED WRITING. SO HERE IT IS. CHAPTER 16.
STOP RIGHT THERE before you can continue you must click on THIS INCREDIBLE FAN ART
I'm so unbelievably grateful, art for this fic is simply my favorite thing in the world and you are legally obligated to tag me if you guys come across any >:)

Mikey couldn’t help feeling out of place. Literally speaking, he was perfectly included in the square he and his brothers formed around Mikey’s scattered art pieces. While everyone else eagerly passed pages between each other, firmly defending the ones they claimed as their own, Mikey’s hands rested completely still in his lap.

 

It was a dramatic contrast to their behavior from the morning of. Mikey could barely catch his breath through the heavy filter that was his brothers’ overbearing attention since he woke up… but now they wouldn’t even look at him.

 

Mikey couldn’t shake the sinking suspicions that this was something he wasn’t supposed to be here for. Even if he felt like he was allowed to listen in, he couldn’t contribute to the conversation anyway. If his brothers wanted artwork to hang up, they could’ve asked Mikey to make something for them. Instead they were divvying up the pile of Mikey’s leftovers, occasionally bickering over “whose drawing it was.”

 

Gee, that was an insult to his craft- It was all Mikey’s work, obviously. Leo literally watched Mikey bring them to life mere minutes ago, yet the slider was declaring the majority of the pile as “his own”.

 

Mikey didn’t let the fact bother him too much. Leo’s the one who asked him to draw, anyway. There might have been some sort of dibs situation at hand that Mikey missed out on while he was busy doing absolutely nothing noteworthy.

 

After a bit, his brothers began interrupting Mikey’s daydreaming to ask him questions about specific drawings and doodles. Mikey… couldn’t answer most of them. He didn’t recognize a lot of the scribbles on the page- like, a lot of them. But each time he tried and failed to find a conclusion, Mikey was met with surprising levels of praise. So he was fine trying, trying, trying.

 

The pause in between questions was nice. His brothers were definitely giving Mikey a break on purpose, another part of the unspoken plan the three of them seemed to have no difficulty understanding, but it didn’t matter. Mikey practically cherished the moments of silence which gave him the opportunity to quickly recharge his social battery.

 

Something was kind of burning in his chest. Mikey thought nothing of it, chalking it up to his first case of heartburn.

 

Though it definitely didn’t feel like the burn was coming from his heart .

 

Besides that, he was getting terribly bored. How much longer could it possibly take for his brothers to finish playing trading cards with his horribly rough sketches?

 

The thought must’ve shown on his face, because the sound of shuffling papers diminished.

 

“Mikey? You doin’ good over there?” Raph asked from his place directly across from Mikey’s in the square.

 

Now, the sound of shuffling papers ceased entirely as every pair of eyes shot arrows straight through the box turtle.

 

“Just bored”, Mikey didn’t have the energy to lie. It wouldn’t have landed even if he’d tried, not with the way everyone was analyzing every bit of his movements. “Um, do you guys need me for this? I’m fine with whatever you wanna take, I don’t like the drawings anyway- b-but I’m flattered that you guys do! Really!”

 

Mikey didn’t mean to sound ungrateful, but he was pretty much positive he did just that with the way his brothers’ faces tinted in confusion. It was really sweet how invested they were! Mikey just wished it could’ve been towards art he was actually proud of…

 

Mikey less than consciously scratched at the upper section of his plastron.

 

“…Uhhhhhh, Leo?” Donnie slowly turned his head as he spoke, giving himself time to prepare the perfectly pissed glare to gift his twin. “Is there something you’d like to share with the class?”

 

Leo groaned in embarrassment, tensing his shoulders and taping his fingers in his hands. “I… eeeouuugghh…” The sound coming from Leo elongated long enough for the room to be able to physically see how hard the gears were turning in his head. “I may have completely forgotten to consider that he- but hey! I did good besides that! Why don’t you spell this one out, Don-tron!”

 

“ Me?! ” Donnie stood up in protest, papers scattering in fear as his momentum blew them every which way. “ No one will spell this out for him, understand? What you did was risky enough, Nardo! We cannot-”

 

“At least I did something!” Leo stood as well, contributing to the paper typhoon swirling beneath them. “You’ve barely spoken a word to him, Donnie!”

 

Oh. They were talking about him.

 

“ I’ve been preoccupied building the very thing that’s going to fix him-”

 

So he was broken. 

 

Well, Mikey knew as much. But hearing someone else admit it…

 

Mikey clutched at his chest, nails releasing a barely audible scrrrittch as they dragged across his hard shell.

 

“GUYS!” Raph’s booming voice commanded the room to fall dead silent. Mikey jumped at the sudden volume. Luckily Leo and Donnie did as well, so Mikey’s reaction seemed valid enough. 

 

Raph’s feather-light footsteps didn’t match his tone in the slightest as he approached Mikey, bending down to match the box turtle at eye level. “M’sorry, Mikey. We shoulda talked through what we’ve been doin’, huh?”

 

Mikey didn’t respond. The question leaned more towards a rhetorical one, but Raph still gave him a chance to chime in. He didn’t.

 

“We’ve just been workin’ through a mission- a real big mission- with the help of your stuff here, Mikey. Your artwork’s been helpin’ a ton.” The soft pressure of Raph’s palm as it landed on Mikey’s shoulder coerced his eyes up to meet his oldest brother’s. “Plus, they’re super well drawn. Much better than Leo’s”, Raph finished with a wink.

 

Leo didn’t miss a beat to pipe up with a resounding, “ hey! ”. Mikey huffed out a lighthearted laugh.

 

So… he was helping. He just didn’t know it.

 

A wave of relief washed over Mikey, making it abundantly too clear just how uneasy he had felt prior.

 

“We’ll get back to it later, sound good guys?” Raph added, seeing Donnie already headed for the door. “And this time, we’ll fill ya in too, big man.” Raph pat Mikey’s shoulder twice with his hand before finally removing it from its resting spot. As he turned to leave, Mikey caught Raph and Leo share a look- one that said we need to talk .

 

Leo got the message loud and clear, “I’ll be right back.” He nudged Mikey with his elbow. “Hang tight, I’ll let you get crushed by me in Mario Kart once I finish this thing up.”

 

Mikey wanted to protest, to defend his Mario Karting gameplay, but Leo was right. He always won against Mikey. Ever since they were little tots, Mikey would discover a game and excel as reigning champion… until Leo asked Mikey to teach him the basics. Mikey would, and Leo would always, always , take the throne as the new gaming champion of the family.

 

Well that’s not very fair. How come his brain decided to connect meaningless pieces to the puzzle that is his memory?

 

Everyone headed out and Mikey finally got the alone time he so desperately craved, but a creeping sensation of… guilt? tugged at his stomach. Everyone else was working hard for the sake of the mission, and now he was simply sitting in wait.

 

He must’ve been slowing them down… Why else would they suddenly move their conversation elsewhere?

 

.

 

Mikey weighed his options:

 

Number one: sit uselessly in his room, feeling useless. 

 

Number two: eavesdrop and feel undoubtedly guilty, but less useless.

 

Buuuuut Raph did promise to fill him in after their break!

 

…After Mikey’s break. His brothers are still working.

 

That settles it. Raph did seem pretty grateful towards Mikey’s artwork… He wanted Mikey’s help! He could help even more if he could just understand the mission! Surely the results would outway the small invasion of privacy.

 

Luckily, it wasn’t hard at all to find where his brothers had relocated. Mikey could hear their semi hushed voices as soon as he stepped into the hallway. Double luckily, the two were in Leo’s room- this was charted territory. 

 

The door to Leo’s subway car was open, so the conversation couldn’t be too secret! Mikey pressed his cheek against the car, the harsh chill of the metal sending shivers from the contact point.

 

.

 

“...nnie’s not wrong… It was a bit reckless, Leo.”

 

Raph . He didn’t sound angry… just… scared?

 

“You too?!” Leo . “All I did was-”

 

“I’m not disagreein’ with you, we need as much as we can get before Donnie and Draxum finish up the mystic doohicky. You did good, just… don’t push him too hard.”

 

“I know that. You don’t have to lecture me, Raph, we stopped drawing as soon as it got too much-”

 

“So it did get too much.”

 

“For a second, but he handled it fine ! I know you’re worried, but treating him like glass isn’t gonna do anyone good… This is a start, Raph. We’ll pause the art therapy stuff for today, but we can use this…”

Mikey pulled away and headed back for his room. He didn’t want to listen any longer than he had to. In addition to the sickening guilt of eavesdropping, Mikey could feel hot nausea bubbling up as he listened to his brother's bickering.

 

But that’s okay! From what he could tell, his brothers were arguing, pointlessly, for Mikey’s sake. Mikey wanted to help, why wouldn’t anyone just ask him? Of course he’d say yes!

 

.

 

His chest pulled at the thought.

 

.

 

Mikey returned to his seat on the floor amidst the artistry chaos. The array of holographic stickers of his brothers’ choices were a nice touch to Mikey’s chicken scratch. Although he couldn’t pinpoint the driving factors in their sticker collages, the addition of them still made Mikey feel… less alone.

 

Speaking of alone, he had to hurry up before Leo returned with the promise of Mario Kart. As pleasant as his older brother’s company had been, it took significantly less effort for Mikey to draw with the absence of someone else’s steady gaze. Leo would obviously get to see whatever Mikey created, that was the whole point, but the process felt more intimate without him.

 

Mikey closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths while noticing the refreshing airflow in his body. He aimed to gently pump the oxygen all the way through his veins, reaching each extremity and far off nerve endings. Focusing on his inner workings, he allowed his chest to rise and fall-

 

Mikey jerked forward, his plastron curling deep at the sudden sharp puncture rattling his rib cage. An intangible knife forced its way inside him, tunneling through thick muscle and tissue as it descended. The metal blade scorched under his skin, boiling his insides so his blood bubbled dangerously at the surface. He felt like he was gonna explode-

 

The stabbing sensation vanished as quickly as it had appeared. Mikey froze, unsure if he had been hallucinating the whole ordeal. Unsure if it was safe to move forward because even if it was all in his head, the pain hurt.

 

But his breath was near steady, so maybe his mind was tricking him… again. It wouldn’t be unlikely, all things considered.

 

Mikey shook his head a few times as he raised his body back to a suitable drawing position. Deep breathing was off the table, he decided, so straight to the drawing board it is.

 

What he was drawing… he didn’t know, but that was part of what made it so engaging . Mikey gave his best effort not to think about what he was creating. He just let it happen. He sat patiently in the passenger's seat while his hands took the wheel, directing them to nowhere in specific. The ride was tranquil. Mikey didn’t have to communicate with the driver, he could simply lean back and take in the view.

 

And the view wasn’t nearly as aggravating, as unsatisfying, as his previous work. Warm shades of golds encapsulated the page, swirling yellows and oranges reaching out to cradle the exhausted turtle. Mikey wanted to fall into it, to fall into the page and experience the bliss of not needing to think.

 

To let go…

 

“As promised-!” Leo interrupted Mikey’s trance, marching into the box turtle’s subway car with his chest puffed to its fullest degree and Nintendo switch held up triumphantly in his hand. “You love him, you missed him, it’s Leeee -woaah. Mikey, you made this?”

 

Mikey fully extended his arms, offering Leo the golden artwork in question. Mikey grinned and gave one, firm nod of his head.

 

Leo scanned the page with fascinatingly curious eyes, which quickly twisted into pure amazement. He vocalized as much, “Mikey! This is amazing!”, as he scooped Mikey into a playful hug. As Leo pulled away, he shot an annoyed glance to the door, muttering something along the lines of I told you so that Mkey could just barely make out.

 

Mikey didn’t let his own smile falter, “I can draw on my own just fine! But…” okay, his smile faltered a little , “...I can’t make much sense of it- not like you guys were doing earlier.”

 

“Hey…” Leo’s voice was riddled with sad sympathy.

 

“But!” Mikey interrupted, “But I want to! And Raph said he would help later- but I can handle it now, Leo!”

 

Leo looked less than a tad bit doubtful.

 

“I can!” Mikey stood up, accidentally allowing his anger to show with the force of the action. “I wanna help with the mission! I may have memory loss, but I’m not plain stupid!”

 

Great, now Mikey was crying. His demeanor wasn’t helping to prove his point.

 

“Why won’t you guys let me help…? ” 

 

Mikey pleaded the question through heavy tears, yet his chest ached in a way that told him he already knew the answer .

 

.

 

.

 

His chest

 

.

 

burned.

 

Mikey sucked in a harsh breath through his teeth, fumbling forward as he clutched a hand over his heart. It was pounding beneath his fingertips. It was difficult to make out his brother’s panic through the ringing in his ears, but Mikey was absolutely sure it was there.

 

The words began filtering in as Mikey’s pain resided, “ ...t’s wrong... Mikey, what’s wrong?!”

 

Mikey grabbed Leo’s shoulder with his left hand, but he wasn’t able to produce as much force in his grip as he would’ve liked. “M’fine. Just. Chest pain.”

 

“ Chest pain?!” Leo echoed but with much, much more distress. “Why’d you say that so casually - Mikey, how long has this been going on?!”

 

Mikey was still panting- the pain was dissipating significantly slower this time around. “Day”, was all he could spit out.

 

Leo looked like he’d seen a ghost. It was pissing Mikey off. He was fine .

 

“You gotta tell us these things, Mike. Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

 

Mikey dragged his eyes up to meet Leo’s, “ You guys didn’t tell me”. Mikey had no idea why he threw Leo’s words back at him. He had no idea why he was seething in red hot anger . Raph said he’d fill him in, they didn’t mean to exclude him-

 

Fuck. He wanted to break something. He wanted to break down and sob and why the hell was he feeling like this?

 

He wanted to punch Leo through the wall. He wanted to throw himself onto Leo. He wanted Leo to hug him until he popped.

 

“ ...Leo…”

 

That’s not fair! Leo didn’t do anything ! He was just mad at himself. Mikey was mad at himself. He was mad for collapsing like a child completely unprompted, mad for being the dead weight of the family, mad for being too fucking stupid to think of a better word than mad.

 

“...Leo, why am I feeling like this ?”

 

Dumbass, why the hell would Leo know? Why should Leo have to be responsible for you?

 

But Leo dragged him into a hug like he knew .

 

“I’m sorry Mikey, I’m so, so sorry, Mike.”

 

Well, great. Now he’d done it. He finally shattered Leo’s smile.

 

“You’re feeling for all of us- Mikey, I’m so, so, so sorry.” Leo squeezed Mikey so hard that his feet dangled above the floor. “You don’t remember c-cause your brain is trying to protect you, but you’ve got all our trauma responses in there. You mystic-vacuumed it all up and it’s all cluttered and that’s why you’re feeling all mixed up and I’m so. Sorry. ”

 

.

 

.

 

Of all the things he’d been told about himself today, 

 

this one was the easiest to believe.

Notes:

I wanted to get this chapter out and it was almost 3k words so... sorry if the ending felt cut in half ! That's cuz it is ! Cliffhangers are the easiest way to end a chapter for me IM SO SORRY.
Leave a comment if ya feel so inclined ! I love them so bad i wanna tape them all on my fridge and look at them forever.
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Chapter 17: Ha Ha Laugh Funny

Notes:

shut up shut up everyone shut up and LOOK AT THE ART and like it and comment on it and retweet it. Oh my lord. Putting this on my fridge if given permission.
Alrighty enjoy tonight's chapter! I enjoyed writing it (as always, bonk)

Day two out of… three to five to seven business days (depending on which mad scientist you asked) was off to a rickety start.

 

As for day one…

 

Exhaustion had finally gained the upper hand, somewhat unfairly since it waited to attack till Mikey’s moment of vulnerability. Leo was mid explanation, stumbling over word choice (when he could even find the words) when Mikey felt his consciousness being tugged under. It hit him like a violent riptide and his efforts to stay afloat were desperate but futile. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t wanna sleep, especially not right while he was getting some answers.

 

Mikey doesn’t remember actually falling asleep. He doesn’t even recall if Leo noticed his struggle to stay awake. Embarrassingly enough, Mikey hopes he did because Leo was definitely gonna need to revisit anything they went over- It’d be better if Leo didn’t make it too far in.

 

Obviously he must’ve noticed, how else would Mikey have ended up in bed.

 

Well, for once he hoped the little voice in the back of his mind was telling the truth. Mikey would feel simply awful if Leo had to spell out everything all over again.

 

Speaking of feeling awful…

 

Mikey’s awareness returned as he slowly cleared the morning fog from his head, and he finally noticed just how horrendous he felt. He still had yet to sit up, but any hopes of that happening were anchored by his aching muscles. His body was feverishly circulating heat and his breath came out hard and ragged.

 

If Mikey had slept, he sure didn’t feel rested like he did. It was a dreamless sleep, which Mikey was surprisingly annoyed by- he kinda hoped his mind would run wild without his conscious monitoring.

 

If sitting up wasn’t an option, then actually getting up was absolutely not gonna happen… but he couldn’t afford a sick day! Talk about bad timing. Mikey craned his neck against his pillow, catching sight of his phone on the bedside table. Thank Pizza Supreme, someone plugged it in for him.

 

Mikey reached for it and- woah, his body really was heavy . His arm lazily swung against his command, but not before it managed to fumble the charging cord between its fingers. The phone clattered to the floor, likely adding another crack to its ever growing collection.

 

Mikey winced, more so at the sound of the crash than the concern for his phone screen. His head hurt too, wonderful.

 

Apparently, the crash of the phone was just as effective as an actual call from it. Leo came in not a moment later… was he waiting outside the door?

 

Leo’s eyes fell upon the scene, clearing away the slider’s intense worry as he pieced two and two together. He rolled his eyes teasingly before bending down to retrieve Mikey’s phone. “We have got to get you a protective phone case, mister.”

 

Yep, new crack.

 

“Sick”, Mikey huffed at a volume no greater than a whisper.

 

“Yeah I guess, but it’d sure be sicker if you stopped dropping your phone so much.”

 

“No, Sick. ”

 

Leo raised a confused brow, the other one following soon after in possible realization. He pressed the back of his hand to Mikey’s forehead. Mikey hummed at his brother’s gentle touch, unintentionally leaning into the soothing sensation that was Leo’s hand. Mikey was sure he looked pathetically weak, but he couldn’t seem to care.

 

Leo muttered an accentuated fuck as he repositioned his hand to Mikey’s cheek. His entire demeanor was practically screaming about how this was the last thing they needed right now. 

 

“M’sorry…”

 

“Hey, no. None of that.” Leo returned his hand to Mikey’s face, which was more than enough to get the box turtle to shut his trap. “But Christ, Mikey, you’re burning up. I’m gonna text Raph to get the thermometer-“

 

“No!” Mikey protested at both the fact Leo was texting Raph and that he had pulled his hand away to do so. “Can you just… tell them later…” God every little word rattled his head to hell and back. “I wanna keep… from yesterday-“

 

“Miguel, I’m not sure if that’s the best idea-“ It was a small miracle Leo got the message from Mikey’s poor excuse to form a sentence.

 

“ Please .” Mikey slapped on his best pair of puppy dog eyes, praying they concealed the exhausted mutant-turtle eyes that were surely still prevalent.

 

In return, Leo responded with the loudest sigh he could project. It came out as more of a groan, but the point was made nonetheless. “Donnie’s gonna kill me, ya know that?”

 

“Nuh-uh”, Mikey tried to shake his head, but instead it just lulled to the side, “I’ll go all… mystic warrior on his ass.”

 

“Uh-huh, sure. I bet your sickly-ness will be enough to have him running with his tail between his legs anyway.” Leo crossed his arms, “I am going to get that thermometer, though. And some meds.”

 

“And some toast.”

 

“ And some toast.” Leo turned for the door. “You are walking on thin ice, young man!”

 

“You love me.” Mikey squeaked out right as Leo disappeared behind the door. Those last words replayed in his head- you love me .

 

He hadn’t been giving Leo much of a reason to lately.

 

.

 

.

 

“Hello? Earth to Mikey!”

 

Leo was back. How long had he’d been gone? Did time even pass at all… Mikey couldn’t tell. It was like his brain had shut off, but his eyes were still open so he couldn’t have possibly fallen asleep…

 

Then, he saw it. The toast.

 

It was glorious. The simple, buttered, white bread was practically shining atop its bed of porcelain. When was the last time Mikey ate ?

 

“Toast.” Was all Mikey offered to let Leo know yes, he was still on Earth.

 

“Temperature.” Leo pried the thermometer under Mikey’s tongue. His mouth was already hanging open trying to take in heavy breaths that his lungs had lost thanks to his one word demand, so the task was easy. Mikey squirmed as the smooth metal tip nudged the muscle connecting his tongue to the floor of his mouth.

 

The thermometer did its little beep beep beep after what felt like forever. Leo snatched the device, replacing its spot in Mikey’s mouth with a full slice of toast. The satisfaction of the bland flavor coursing his tongue wasn’t enough to distract Mikey from seeing his brother recoil in disbelief at whatever number was currently displayed.

 

“Alright Mikey, I’m putting my foot down.” Uh oh. His temperature must be worse than he thought. “You’re talking to Medic Leo now, and Medic Leo says it's time to conduct his colleagues.”

 

Double uh-oh. Medic Leo still held onto the same stubbornness as Leonardo Leo.

 

Mikey allowed what remained of the slice of toast to tumble down his neck, causing bread crumbs to roll in every direction. “Ten minutes.”

 

“Michelangelo-”

 

“Ten minutes. Or I’ll tell them about… last Thanksgiving.”

 

“Oh you’ve got to be- of course you made sure to remember that .” Mikey flashed a smug grin before his muscles fell back into a less strenuous expression. “You get ten minutes. I’m serious, I’m setting a timer.”

 

“Can you bring… papers.” Mikey turned his gaze to the artwork his brothers had analyzed the day before. It’d be easier to follow along with Leo’s voice if he had something visual to narrow into. Leo understood as much. He started the timer with a small tap to his phone then relocated the pile of artwork to Mikey’s lap. Mikey wanted to say something about the unfairness of the timer starting before Leo started talking, but that would only waste their already limited time.

 

Leo started talking.

 

_______________________

 

Mikey didn’t make a peep for all of ten minutes, which was probably the longest he’d gone quiet since like, ever.

 

Leo, on the other hand, barely paused for air for all of ten minutes. He didn’t cry, he didn’t apologize or grovel, he just spilled . He came clean. He told Mikey everything they knew, everything they were doing to fix things, everything that had happened before.

 

All in ten minutes.

 

Mikey didn’t allow himself to do anything except listen. Truthfully, the information wasn’t nearly as alarming as it probably should’ve been. Mikey knew all this, Leo was just bringing it to the surface. And, sure, Mikey didn’t feel his memories click with Leo’s explanation like he’d hoped…

 

But it was all faintly familiar.

 

Faintly. Hell, his mind could’ve just been playing tricks on him again, but he’d think about that later. Mikey could practically reach out and grab the guilt Leo was radiating with each word. His brother needed this. His brother needed to admit everything he somehow felt responsible for. And Mikey had to listen. He couldn’t put Leo through the pain of explaining everything all over again.

 

The timer went off. Both Leo and Mikey jumped .

 

Neither of them moved to turn it off.

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

“...You ok?”

 

“...You ok?”

 

They both asked in unison. For a second, neither answered.

 

“Jinx. You owe me a soda.”

 

“Like hell I do. I literally slaved over your toast not even twenty minutes ago.”

 

They both chuckled. The laughter was weak, sure, but it was genuine.

 

“So, are you okay?” Leo pulled the conversation back on course, “Like, besides looking sick as a dog- are you… panicking? At all?”

 

“Um…” Mikey gave it a quick thought, “No? I don’t know how to explain it- it’s like… It’s like when you’re cleaning your room and you know there's a bug in there, but you don’t know where it went but you know it’s still in there and then you find it under a bunch of old pizza boxes but it isn’t as scary as when you didn’t know where it was.”

 

Leo blinked twice. Then twice again. “Leave the analogies to anyone else, little bro.”

 

They both chuckled again- which quickly turned into full chested laughs, which quickly turned to hysterical, stomach wrenching laughter.

 

Mikey wiped a comedic induced tear from his eye, “You’re turn. Are you okay? Like, really okay?”

 

Leo contained the final bits of his laughter and walked over to Mikey. He plopped onto the edge of the hammock, resting a palm on Mikey’s shoulder as he did. “I will be. You’re my concern right now, Mikey. And as absolutely infuriated as I am at your unbelievably dumb decision to…”

 

He met Mikey’s eyes. They were far too patient and supportive for someone in his situation.

 

“...It’s kinda nice… not doing it alone.”

 

Mikey stayed quiet. He was always way too good at getting his brothers to keep talking, choosing the exact right time so that said brother needed to continue in order to fill the awkward silence.

 

“Donnie’s smart, I’m sure his machine will help you out. We’re all gonna help you out. And once you’re better… I just want you to feel okay, you know what I mean? And I know you’re gonna feel better, so I know I’m gonna be okay.” Leo took his hand back so he could rapidly dance his fingers around each other. “I didn’t… I didn’t know that before- That there would be an okay .”

 

Leo did his best attempt to hide his tears, but the increasing sniffling gave him away. “A-And I’m not thanking you, just so you know. You’re still in so much trouble once we’re through with all this.”

 

Mikey finally found enough strength in his aching bones to sit up. He pulled his older brother into a firm embrace, one which was quickly returned.

 

“This hug would’ve been a lot more effective if you weren’t literally burning at the touch, kid.”

Donnie picked up the phone, dumbstruck to the blast of roaring laughter from the other end.

Notes:

Did I do it. Did I give some comfort to the hurt slash comfort. Tell me I did it good sir.
So much love for everyone here. Leave a comment any comment! They make me motivated and put me in gotta go fast mode!
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@filsamek here!

Chapter 18: The Remix

“What the hell…”

Day two had been more like a splotchy collection of hours mashed together in an attempt to form a full day. Mikey just couldn’t seem to stay awake for long enough to establish a consistent internal clock, which was unsurprising considering his current sickly state. Also unsurprising was the sheer scolding Donnie implemented on both Leo and Mikey for their unpermitted little chat.

 

Each time Mikey woke it was a given that Leo would be there. Leo just teased that Donnie had grounded the two of them, but that was obviously not true. Middle children don’t get grounding rights, not even Leo’s status as leader could override that fact. Raph was never there when Mikey first opened his eyes, but his booming footsteps could be heard rushing down the hall each time he got the familiar Mikey’s up text. Apparently he’d been on standby for patrol all day, preparing to jump into action all by himself if anything occurred.

 

Donnie, on the other hand, hadn’t reappeared since getting a look at Mikey’s sickness for himself.

 

He seemed oddly concerned about a little bug. Mikey would have insisted someone drag the soft shell out of his lab if not for the fact that Draxum was in there with him. As long as he wasn’t isolating, Dr. Feelings could rest a little bit longer.

But now, Mikey was awake again… and he immediately noticed

 

Something’s missing.

 

He sat up- he sat up? - groggily swaying with a wave of intense vertigo.

 

Right, still sick.

 

…or, maybe not? Mikey didn’t detect the aching, nauseating pains which had previously stretched to every corner of his body. Strike that, he couldn’t detect much of anything . He felt staticky, misplaced, disconnected . The pathways in which Mikey’s brain sent signals to his muscles were warped and twisted together… it wasn’t vertigo, he just couldn’t move right .

 

He needed to open his eyes, but instead his fingers just kept flexing, buzzing uncomfortably against the palm of his hand.

 

Slow down, Mikey, focus.

 

He tried flexing his fingers intentionally. His eyes fluttered open in response.

 

Mikey would’ve relished in his quick thinking skills if not for the fact that his sight had returned, allowing him to register he had no idea where he was.

 

Hence, “What the hell…”

 

Any panic Mikey was met with at the realization didn’t last. His thoughts were streaming out of him, pulling like taffy unevenly away from his barely functioning figure. He wanted to grab it, to take back the sticky puddle of his awareness seeping from his head, but trying to raise his hand only caused him to fall forward.

 

With the one eye not currently pressed against the ground(?) Mikey helplessly took in the scene. The setting was incomplete, blotchy black fuzz covering any details that might’ve built a location. There was also…

 

There was also…

 

He couldn’t hold onto the thought. He could literally see the thought merging with its companions, swirling into a betraying whirlpool mere feet from where he lay.

 

Mikey could do nothing but watch the pile grow. And grow. And grow . And holy shit Mikey felt like the hunter and its prey. The swirling beast was quickly becoming too bright to behold, but Mikey was paralyzed to look away. The mass was angry, dangerous, unstable-

 

The thing looked like it was gonna explode .

 

It was shaking, violently picking up its threatening pace as the vibration rang deep into Mikey’s bones-

 

“Mikey!”

 

Someone was holding him. Tight. His eyes were open, his real, correctly wired eyes.

 

“It was just a dream, you’re okay. I’m right here.”

 

Leo. That was Leo.

 

And he wasn’t lying. He was right there.

 

Mikey tried to squeeze back, but promptly remembered the hindrance of his weak muscles. The effort itself was enough.

 

“Hey, you with me, kid?” It was more of an observation than a question.

 

“...Mhm”

 

“Wanna talk about it?”

 

Mikey hated talking about his nightmares, but it became a forced habit from the time he was young. His brothers would always assure him he’d feel less scared if he talked about it, and he always did. Whether they were right about that or if it was more of a placebo effect, Mikey didn’t know.

 

But no words came to mind.

 

“I don’t remember… just scared.” Mikey had played turtle who cried wolf one too many times with this excuse, but it was the truth. The nightmare had already faded, the only indication it was ever there being the thumping in his own heart.

 

It almost felt like a warning.

 

“Well, now that you’re up,” Oh good, Leo didn’t think twice of it. Guess anything along the lines of not remembering was back in the playing cards of excuses for Mikey. “Wanna join me?” Leo waved his switch which was already lit up on the pause menu mid race. No surprise there. Leo barely played anything except Mario Kart (because it was a game where his win was secured at the start).

 

“If you go easy on me.”

 

“No thanks, go back to bed then.” Leo tossed Mikey a controller anyway, then crawled into the sliver of space in the hammock adjacent to Mikey.

 

.

 

They played three full tournaments, twelve races in total, with Leo taking the gold in each event. He’d never admit to it, but Mikey could tell his brother was going just a tad bit easy on him. It would’ve gone unnoticed by anyone else, but Mikey had years of spectating Leo’s play style under his belt. He knew which green shells were thrown with a bit less precision than normal, which bananas were strategically placed out of Mikey’s upcoming path.

 

“What time is it, anyway?” Mikey finally questioned while Leo patiently waited, his character automatically taking a fourth lap, for Mikey to join him past the finish line.

 

“Uh, one sec.” Leo clicked the home button on the switch, using the clock there instead of the one on his phone simply to be a pain. Mikey lazily flopped his arm, using the back of his hand to slap Leo over the face. “Hey, you’re the one who wanted to know! It’s 5:30.”

 

“5:30?! In the morning? Leo, did you even sleep?!”

“Hey, I was not sleeping long before this whole situation!” Leo clicked back into the game, forcing Mikey to redirect his focus to his character currently driving into a wall.

 

“Will you turn it down? I don’t wanna wake everybody- uh, if we haven’t already.”

 

“Relax, they’re all awake, muchacho. D&D duo are still nerding out in the lab and Raph’s stopping some wannabee crooks up by the docks.”

 

“What?” This time Mikey was the one to pause the game. “He’s out there alone?!”

 

“Dude, I said relax! He’s got April with him-” Leo ate his own words, he was no longer relaxed. In fact, he looked quite panicked . “Ohhhhhh fuck me.”

 

“What?! What’s the matter?!”

 

Leo slapped a hand over his face, dragging his bottom eyelids down with it. “We definitely forgot to fill in April, didn’t we.” Again, it wasn’t a question- just a deadpan observation.

 

_____________

 

“WHERE IS HE?!” April’s foot slammed against the other side of Mikey’s door as his older sister seemed to forget it was a sliding door. Seconds later, the door flew (rather than slid) open at the force of April’s unyielding hand. Raph was directly behind her, his massive figure looming sheepishly over the tiny ball of fury that was April O’Neil.

 

April was all their big sister- Raph’s too. Even his big brother powers were useless against the almighty power of the oldest.

 

Mikey slapped on a flustered grin, giving a small wave and a “Hiiiiiya, April”. He was doing his best not to look petrified . Leo warned him that if he thought Donnie’s scolding was bad, Mikey had a whole nother thing coming.

 

“Nu-uh, you’re next!” April scanned the room, finally falling upon her prey, “ YOU!”

 

Leo looked behind him for effect, he was literally sitting against a wall. “Me?!” he said with a defensive point to his own chest.

 

“Oh don’t you play dumb with me, mister! Because I guarantee , it will not work out in your favor!” April marched straight past Mikey, making her way to tap Leo with a sharp, accusatory fingernail. “What makes you think you can leave me and Raph in the dark like that? You’ve got a lot of explaining to do for the both of us, Leonardo .”

 

Leo made a show of looking past April, settling his gaze on Raph who was still standing anxiously outside the door. “Why yes, April, I believe someone does have a lot of explaining to do for the both of us, Raphael. ”

 

April whipped around after a meek pause, suddenly connecting two, unsurprising dots. “ Raph , do not tell me…”

 

Raph cautiously stepped in the room, looking to Mikey for help (which was pretty dumb in and of itself) before accepting his fate. “Uh, first of all… Raph would like to say he’s sorry-”

 

April jumped up and grabbed Raph’s mask tails before he could spit out a sorry excuse for an apology. Raph had to awkwardly bend backwards thanks to the distance between his mask tails and April’s height. “Nu-uh! You’re coming with me. We’ll be back after you tell me what’s actually. going. on.” April paused her stride at the doorway, quickly releasing Raph and scurrying over to Mikey. She wrapped him in a warm embrace, “Good to see ya, big guy”.

 

“Don’t be too hard on him, ‘kay?” Mikey squeaked.

 

“No promises, but for you, I’ll try.”

 

April dragged Raph away, which was pretty impressive considering their noticeable size difference. Raph gave one last pleading look to his brothers, only receiving a stuck out tongue from Leo in return, before disappearing behind the corner.

 

Mikey’s breath picked up speed ever so slightly. He didn’t know why- he could tell it was just classic family banter- but watching his brother get dragged away, not bothering to put up a fight-

 

“Hey, woah, don’t worry about it!” Leo sprang to his feet, rushing to Mikey’s hammock side. “I was just kidding around earlier- Raph can handle it! April’s not gonna kill the guy, maybe smack him around a bit, sure, but that’s what he gets for trying to toss ol’ Leon under the bus!”

 

Raph’s gonna die..? Raph’s gonna die. He’s gonna get tortured first and then he’s gonna die and Mikey just let him get dragged off-

 

Mikey darted for the door, stumbling over his own feet in the process. He felt better than this morning- like, weirdly better- but he was still wobbly and weak. It didn’t help that his near hyperventilating was pushing against his chest, reigniting the pain from the day before. Adrenaline gifted him mercy against the debilitating pain. Raph was in trouble. He had to move . A small part of him was aware Leo was still desperately calling out for him, but it was insignificant in the greater scheme of things.

 

You’re panicking, Mikey, Calm down-

 

No. Raph comes first. Raph needs to be safe Raph needs to be here he needs to be alive-

 

Mikey rounded the corner, skidding to a stop as swirls of red and green encapsulated his vision. Raph was there. With April. Not with… He was with April.

 

The two froze, words hanging in the air as their eyes fell upon a clearly panicked Mikey.

 

“Mikey, hold up- OOF! ” Leo flew barreling into Mikey with the force of a semi truck. The collision was enough to snap Mikey’s attention to the scene around him, embarrassingly aware that all eyes were on him.

 

He wanted to run, he didn’t want to be seen like this . Leo had explained everything, had explained that whatever horror Mikey would be seeing in the next coming days wasn’t real . So why was he stupid enough to fall hook line and sinker? The world was looking at him, waiting for him to give some sort of answer as to whatever stunt he just pulled, whatever part of him could possibly believe his reaction was warranted.

 

“Mikey? What’s up, big guy?” April’s expression fell to one coated in sympathy as she slowly approached her two younger brothers who were still crashed clumsily against the floor. She looked so gentle, so caring, so wise beyond her years with a comforting aura practically glowing in each step-

 

And God that was not what Mikey wanted right now. He didn’t want another person looking at him like that, like he was about to shatter into a million pieces at the drop of a hat.

 

April crouched down, her left knee popping as it bent to adjust with her weight. Her hand, which was flowing lovingly towards Mikey’s shoulder, looked tauntingly malicious in its stride. Mikey knew better, but all he could see was an incoming predator struck with hilarious amusement at his pathetic display.

 

He slapped his sister’s hand away, the realization a crushing addition to Mikey’s embarrassment towards his own absurdity. The best he could offer was a meager, “ sorry ”, before sprinting off back towards his room.

 

.

 

.

 

It hurt.

 

.

 

.

 

It hurt .

 

It was by miracle alone Mikey managed to make it back to his bedroom before his delirious adrenaline subsided. That was not how he wanted to leave his first impression on April. She was a new face in the situation, a chance for Mikey to prove he was still Mikey . Because he was still Mikey! Leo had said so! He was just mixed up !

 

He couldn’t doubt himself now, to do so would be doubting Leo. He trusted Leo, more than anything, more than he trusted himself- even if that bar was incredibly low.

 

He just had to believe Leo believe Leo believe L -

 

“ Oww!” Mikey announced to no ears but his own. He coiled over at the writhing agony of his chest constricting his airways, any attempt to take a breath resulting in a tight jab down his spine. He didn’t wanna be seen, he didn’t wanna be perceived in such a pitiful state, but he could barely think through the pain .

 

Mikey raised his chin from his hunched position. He wanted to lock the door, but it was miles away. The frame danced in front of him, swaying in a mocking manner at Mikey’s inability to move towards it. His entire figure was shaking intensely. His neck could barely hold his head upright as it was. But something in the back of his mind told Mikey he needed to keep them away .

 

The swirling beast was quickly becoming too bright to behold, but Mikey was paralyzed to look away. The mass was angry, dangerous, unstable-

 

The thing looked like it was gonna explode.

 

His dream. His nightmare .

 

Move.

 

Nothing else mattered. He was a danger, he was the unstable mass of energy and he was putting his entire family in danger . Mikey had to keep them out.

 

One step. He could take one step. He lifted his right leg, the motion messy and much more resembling a limp, but it was movement. He lifted his left leg, bare skin meeting the cold floor-

 

Mikey screamed . He couldn’t hear it over the throbbing in his head, but he was sure it came out bloodcurdling . The pain hadn’t come from his step, his foot just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. His leg buckled beneath him, sending him shoulder first to the metal floor. The pain from his collapse was a tickle compared to the one arising from his chest, stretching out to his entire body. Mikey barely was aware of the fact he was still screaming.

 

He knew Leo had flung the door open, but any indication of such was lost as it was filtered out by the pain. Mikey just knew . He couldn’t see anything, couldn’t hear anything, but by God could he feel everything . And Leo was definitely with him.

 

Leo can’t be here. He has to

 

“ GO!”

 

.

 

.

 

Everything went to shit.

 

A single gold shockwave forced itself from Mikey before he could stop it. It didn’t matter that Mikey contained the following shockwaves ripping open his plastron as they tried to trail after their leader. The one wave did enough. Everything was forced away from ground zero- Mikey- in a blinding surge of gold. Every object in his room harmonized with resounding thuds as they met steel walls, but one was out of tune, unbalanced with the rest.

 

His brother. Leo. He slammed three feet backwards, the sound from his shell taking the impact left ringing above the rest of the clamoring.

 

“Lee- AHHGH” Mikey had tried to get up, to get to Leo even though every part of him was telling him not to get close not to hurt him again but Mikey had to make sure his brother was alright. But he couldn’t choose his movements. He wasn’t frozen, he could move , but he couldn’t get up. His body was thrashing, twisting and turning for any slight bit of relief, but it was futile. His insides were ripping him apart, clawing at the center of his plastron with the force of a thousand men and the fuel of a million fires. Mikey felt like he was breaking -

 

He looked down.

 

He’d known this feeling before. Like he was being torn apart. Like he was breaking.

 

Because he was . And sure enough, right there, in the very center of his plastron, was the center of the spiderwebbed golden cracks, flaking away, leaving chunks of empty space behind.

Notes:

I uh- whew. I've been waiting to get to this one.
AND THE FOOLS WHO THOUGHT I WOULDN'T PUT APRIL IN HERE MWAHAHAHAHA YOU WALKED THE PRANK MY FRIENDS
uh. anyway.
man this was heart-wrenching to write.
i love u guys
come yell at me in the comments ! it motivates me ! to put chapters out speedily !
you know where to find me !
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@filsamek here

Chapter 19: The World

Notes:

Yeah. Here we go again.
Guys while you're here- before you read this lil thing- I gotta get all sappy. I cannot fathom how much love and support y'all have given this fic. Seriously. 20 thousand hits. 500 comments. 1k kudos. I have to say it because I can barely convince myself it's true. I literally can't do it. I just have such an amazing time writing this and seeing you all enjoy it is simply too unbelievable. So forgive me for my sappy moment. But thank you guys from the bottom of my silly heart.
That's not to say this fic is over- it's not. We're still going gamers. I just had to get emotional with y'all cuz these last two chapters were HARD.
ok ily

Leo was confident he’d never moved so fast in his life. He felt a little guilty he hadn’t harnessed such speed on the battlefield when the literal fate of the world was at stake-

 

But his brothers were his world . 

 

And in that moment when Leo was trudging back to Mikey’s room, still recoiling from accidentally bull-ramming his baby brother to the ground in an embarrassingly clumsy display, he was suddenly all too aware to the fragility of his world.

 

Because Mikey screamed . It was a scream Leo could safely say was the first of its kind- shrill enough to shatter glass yet deep enough to sink cargo ships. But worst of all, it was pained , a cry that could only be summoned as a last resort when words would fail.

 

Leo moved . He didn’t voluntarily decide to. He wasn’t even sure if his body ran at a speed unable to track his footsteps or if he flew to Mikey’s door with one forceful push from his feet. It didn’t matter. He couldn’t think. If Leo let himself think then he’d get scared and if he got scared he’d risk freezing and if he froze then he couldn’t help Mikey and Lord have mercy he didn’t wanna do this he didn’t wanna look-

 

The sliding door reverberated as it was forcefully shoved into its respective grove of the train car. It vibrated against Leo’s palm, furiously instilling its revenge up Leo’s arm for the way he carelessly handled its steel frame.

Mikey was on the floor. Collapsed.

 

Was he alive?!

 

Of course he’s alive, he’s screaming.

Leo could’ve sworn he’d been physically impaled with a thirty thousand ton skewer. Mikey was twisting in ways his tiny body was definitely not meant to, mercilessly thrashing at the hands of an invisible foe Leo wanted nothing more than to choke the light out of .

 

No, he did want something more. Mikey. He had to help Mikey.

 

Leo landed to his knees far too early as he slid across the metal floor, fresh scrapes blazing to life while his skin skidded under the momentum. He shouted barely coherent words as he desperately called to the youngest, terrified shouts doing no more than muddling together with Mikey’s ongoing screams. Mikey wasn’t hearing him, how could he with the amount of noise currently escaping him?!

 

Bad became worse.

 

Leo saw it. He was beginning to hate that glow.

 

He could see the light peeking out through the gaps between Mikey’s plastron and the floor, the aura using the steel ground to bounce its blinding haze as far as it could manage. Leo had to get a better look. He was hastily repositioning himself to lie flat so as to not move Mikey, but he didn’t get the chance. Mikey stretched his neck, the movement escorting his eyes so they could meet Leo’s looming figure.

 

But Mikey’s eyes were glazed over, his dark pupils swallowed by a bright, golden sheen.

 

And Leo wasn’t given a second to react. His shell erupted in pain as it collided with the subway car wall, the sudden unwelcome sensation alerting him to the situation before his vision could begin to comprehend the action. His neck snapped back, failing to protect his skull as it was met with a resounding BANG . Leo slid to the floor, his carapace loosening from the groove it had left in the metal.

 

His vision thrashed through harsh waves, drowning rather than swimming as it tried to assess the scene in front of him. Leo squinted, he held his head with both hands, tried anything to steady the swirling room. It slowly pieced together, his doubled vision becoming a fuzzy screen as it tried to fuse back to normal. The room still spun and nausea threatened to prevail as it joined forces with Leo’s overwhelming panic.

 

His eyes were riding a delusional carousel. It was only when the ride froze for just a moment, allowing its only passenger to settle in for a bumpier ride, when Leo saw it.

 

Mikey was cracking.

 

“ Leo! ” The concerned shouts of his family kickstarted the amusement park ride from hell. That is to say, he was spinning again, violently . The colors he could grasp onto were enough to tell him April and Raph had joined the ride… though the way they were standing suggested they weren’t dizzily spinning along with him.

 

“Leo, what’s-”

 

“ Get. Donnie. ”

 

“Hold up, wh-”

 

“ BOTH OF YOU! ” Leo could apologize for snapping at his siblings later. “Whatever they’ve made so far, bring it .”

 

The two didn’t dare argue. They heard the screams, they could connect two dots. Leo would thank them later. And apologize.

 

Leo flung his weight upwards, using his legs as springs to propel himself forward clumsily till he landed next to Mikey. It didn’t take 20/20 vision to tell what was going on, the damage was too prominent to miss. Even with his hand clenched tightly over the center, bits of Mikey, literal pieces of him , were flaking away. The crevices in his plastron were filled with an intense gold as they crept further and further, digging through Mikey’s chest in their wake. Mikey was cracking , and the fallen pieces were disintegrating soon after being forced away from their host.

 

Shit, why didn’t Leo ask Raph to stay! Leo wasn’t there the first time, he was the reason there was a first time -

 

No. Focus. Raph would be back any second hauling whatever invention Donnie and Draxum had been slaving away over. They needed his strength. More importantly, Leo couldn’t doubt his decisions right now.

 

“Mikey, I’m here!” Leo couldn’t bring himself to touch Mikey. It didn’t turn out in his favor before. That sounded like he was scared he wasn’t scared of Mikey he was scared of hurting Mikey more he wasn’t scared of his baby brother.

 

“Just hold on, everyone’s coming- y-you’re gonna be fine!” Why was he stuttering? His hesitation would only scare Mikey more.

 

Mikey raised his head. His eyes were flickering in and out of their golden glow, allowing Leo a glimpse of the terrified pupils hiding underneath.

 

“Am I gonna die ?” Mikey’s voice cracked, and with it a new chunk of brushed off flesh.

 

“Don’t say that- you’re okay! Mikey, you’re gonna be okay-” Leo’s voice caught in his throat at the sight of another fresh crack.

 

Mikey looked down, his eyes holding their normal, non glowing appearance for a noticeably longer duration. His tears glinted in the reflection radiating from his chest. 

 

“M’sorry, Leo…”

 

His eyes swelled over in gold once more.

 

“ STOP! Stop talking, Mikey please -” 

 

“ Leo!” The slider couldn’t turn around to address his twin. He didn’t dare to remove his gaze from Mikey, paranoid that turning away from his youngest brother could end up being for the last time. On top of the crippling fear, he literally couldn’t turn around else his vision would surely fail at the movement.

 

Donnie’s voice grew louder as he approached Leo from behind, both of them neglecting their deep routed ninja instincts for the moment. “Nardo, talk to me! What’s going on I- Great Galileo, what happened to your head?!

 

“ The device. ” Leo spat back at his twin’s concern for the wrong brother. Add Donnie to the IOU list for apologies with the rest of his siblings.

 

“Yes I brought it here, but Leo it’s still in beta we’ve barely begun to test-“

 

“ DONNIE! ” Leo took the leap of faith, craning his neck to meet Donnie’s eyes the best he could manage. His own eyes were now cascading with tears- the sour cherry-on-top to his sickening vision. The words which followed came out raspy and weak. “ Help him. ”

 

It was Leo’s slight tilt of the head that forcefully invited Donnie to sink into the true horror of the situation. Leo had been perfectly positioned hovering over Mikey, unintentionally shielding the room from the reality of the situation. That, along with his bloodied head wound, along with Mikey’s hunched over figure and his hand covering ground zero, along with… let’s just say things were easy to miss.

 

Donnie’s pupils reduced to grains of sand in a fraction of a second. “Draxum! Help me fasten the device now. Everyone else, get the hell back.”

 

“Donnie, is this really our safest bet?” April interjected as she hoisted Leo up by his armpits, following Donnie’s orders to get back despite her hesitance.

 

Donnie’s failure to respond was answer enough. April leaned Leo into Raph’s hold, passing the slider’s unsteady body like an under-stuffed sandbag.

 

She grabbed Donnie by his wrist not occupying his flashing tech band, “ Donnie! I said-“

 

“ What choice do we have, April?! He’s-“ Whatever less than convincing argument Donnie was about to present was interrupted by another full body scream from Mikey.

 

“Donatello!” Draxum tugged on Donnie’s opposite wrist, “His body is attempting to expel the energy however it can!” Draxum shot a glance in Leo’s direction, “Michelangelo is breaking by holding in that pressure- We need to act now !”

 

Donnie retracted from April’s hold, unable to meet her gaze as he and Draxum pivoted and dropped to the floor. The device had clearly not been tidied into its final design, but the outline was there. If finished, it surely would’ve been a sleek, orange, full length armband disguised as some mystic warrior fashion choice. Its current stage made the idea clear, but the majority of its wiring was still visible and the paint job had barely been started.

 

Draxum and Donnie traded the intertwining pieces, folding each piece over and under the arm they managed to pry away from Mikey’s chest. It barely took ten seconds to secure and flip on the device.

But it wasn’t starting.

 

“Mikey!” Donnie cupped Mikey’s cheeks with both hands, unaffected by the possibility of sharing that mystic pain with him again. “Mikey, the conversion device is ready but you have to let go! Can you hear me- Angelo, it can’t start unless you let go!”

 

Mikey’s face was shaking in his palms, his tightened features accentuating his struggle to keep his built up eruption of energy from exploding- even at the cost of his own life .

 

His eyes said nothing. They couldn’t be read- they could barely be perceived with the intensity of their light.

 

“... hurts …” was all Mikey squeaked out at a volume dangerously low.

 

“I know, Mikey, believe me, I know! That’s why you gotta let go!” Donnie was struck with the terrifying thought Mikey might not know how to let go . He may not even be consciously deciding to contain his powers, it may be destroying him thanks to involuntary reactions alone- He may have to talk Mikey through the process but how in the world was Donnie supposed to do that he could barely wrap his head around the idea of ‘letting it go’ but it was the best descriptor he could think of-

 

“Mikey, Draxum and I invented the energy converting device that we’ve secured on your arm. We took the basic principles of energy transformation and realigned it to work under mystic influence. That is to say, this invention will filter the current energy that’s causing you pain and adjust it to anything that won’t . We biomedically engineered a system to which the device can recognize mystic input and safely restructure the output to unthreatening levels. It’s trademark Donnie-tech- with the unfortunate addition of Draxum-tech that I’ll only address to avoid copyright laws and subsequent legal action- so please . Work with me here, Mikey!”

 

There. He talked through his process. Donnie knew Mikey wouldn’t understand a word of it, but he knew from experience that he’d listen . That’s what made Mikey the perfect lab partner. He didn’t understand. He didn’t even try to. He just trusted that Donnie knew what he was doing and knew how to make it happen. Even if Donnie didn’t trust it himself.

 

The device whirred into action. The crevices between sectioned pieces filled with a gentle golden glow, a feature Donnie had implemented so they could track the procedure as it went. The physical invention didn’t show much, but it wasn’t meant to. It did its work in secret. The real show was all Mikey. The cracks in his chest stayed firm, but the light imbued in them crept backwards until each strand united in the center. They combined to a sphere which shone no brighter than a worn out night light as it danced in Mikey’s palm. The sphere settled for a moment, hovering gently before unfolding at a snail’s pace in every direction. Its tender hue illuminated into a spectacular light show, forming in ribbons as it twirled a calming lullaby into the previously plagued air.

 

.

 

It was beautiful.

 

Way too beautiful for what had just gone down.

 

But as sighs of awe and relief filled the quiet air, everyone- including Mikey- was reminded of the beauty of their youngest brother’s gift.

 

Even if it was scary as shit sometimes.

 

And it certainly was. Often.

 

But for now, it was pretty.

 

Calming.

 

Peaceful.

Mikey passed out.

Notes:

smiles.
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Chapter 20: Seeing Stars

“Hey, Mikey? What’s all this gooey stuff you got here?”

 

Leonardo may have only been six years old, but he had seen his fair share of mysterious sticky substances in the six years he’d called the sewers his home. Given, many of those years he hadn’t exactly unlocked consciousness yet… And didn’t dad say something about living in a box for a while?

Whatever. The point is, Leo was practically the god of goo. He couldn’t help it, he was a curious turtle by nature! In terms of goop Leo had seen it all, touched it all, even tasted it all (which Donnie had scolded him for many times over). But this goo was like nothing he’d ever encountered floating down the musky sewer streams. It was bright . There were three metal cans bigger than Leo’s head each with their own unique, enchanting color goo inside. How the heck did Mikey carry these back to the lair all by himself?!

 

“Leo! That’s mine, I found it! Stop eating it!” Oops, he was caught red handed- wait no, yellow handed. Leo had chosen the yellow goop to dunk his entire hand into, slowly inching his fingers to his lips to get a taste of the foreign substance. Mikey hopped down from his makeshift ladder, landing to the floor with a plop ! The tiny box turtle marched over to Leo, grabbing the coated hand and scooping the goop off with some sort of prickly brush.

 

“It’s paint!” Mikey shook the excess ‘paint’ back into the bucket matching it. “And Dee says it’s super rare to find in the sewers, so no eating it!” Mikey’s arms couldn’t even fully wrap around the metal can. The thing was so big compared to the five year old that he could barely peek his eyes over the top as he held it. Still, Mikey awkwardly hobbled away with his precious ‘paint’, relocating it to the corner opposite of Leo.

 

“So, what’s paint?”

 

“It’s for art! It makes things! Like, like… it makes art!” Mikey was bouncing from one foot to the other, too excited to find the words. “And I’m gonna be a… a… an art maker!”

 

“Ohhhhhhhh” Leo dragged out his response like he understood. He didn’t. He’d bother Donnie to explain it later. “Is that why you’re putting it on the ceiling?”

 

“Yeah! See?!” Mikey pointed above him, stretching his arm as far as it could reach. Leo hadn’t even noticed just how much paint Mikey had already ‘made art’ of on the rest of the ceiling.

 

“It’s stars! Like dad told us about!”

 

Leo’s jaw hung loosely as a “woaaaaaaah” escaped with one exhale.

 

“I bet they look just like this.” Mikey continued, flattered by Leo’s amazement. “Now we can all look at the stars together.”

 

.

 

.

 

.

Leo shed a single tear at the memory. It inched down his cheek, following the same salty, bloodied, tear stained path formed minutes before.

 

It’d been a decade since they’d fallen asleep under those imposterous stars. Those once tiny turtle tots had long since discovered real stars, smothering over the foolish ideas their imaginations had constructed under the supervision of childlike wonder. Leo didn’t even think he’d remember . The painted mural from their bedroom ceiling eventually camouflaged as just another detail of their daily lives. After a while, they didn’t think twice of it.

 

Yet here he is, recognizing an unrecognizable memory. They were all so young, so hopeful, so innocent . It was hard to believe they were even them , untainted by the years of an unfair reality to come.

 

Nostalgia is a son of a bitch.

 

Mikey’s artistic talents had grown exponentially and the medium wasn’t the same as the cheap paint from their childhood, but there wasn’t a doubt about it. Leo could feel his heart fluttering in the same way it had all those years ago… when four tiny turtles slept their first night under the so-called stars.

 

A quick glance to his brothers and Leo could tell they understood too.

 

Mikey seemed to fall asleep, but his masterpiece held strong. Leo kinda wanted to reach out and see if he could touch it… but he didn’t wanna mess it up.

 

Mikey made the original so they could sleep better anyway. And Mikey was sleeping now… so Leo could sleep too, right?

 

…That sounded alright. He should probably lie down first though- he hadn’t noticed he was still standing. Well, sort of standing. Raph was supporting the majority of his weight. Leo started to slide down, gravity wriggling his arm up and over Raph’s broad shoulders before the slider was suddenly forced to a halt.

 

Leo groggily pried his eyes halfway open- he hadn’t noticed he’d closed those either- to see what the problem was. But there was no problem, just April. From what he could tell. Yeah, definitely April. Leo knew by the way she moved (even if he could only see outlines) to adjust her glasses in a way his sister only did when she was nervous. April wasn’t a problem. Leo let his eyes slip shut again.

 

“Leo?” Geez, did his family possess any common courtesy? Didn’t April know he was trying to get some shut eye? 

 

Guess not, ‘cuz she went on, “No sleepin’ yet, ‘kay big guy? We gotta getcha up to the med bay for a check up. After that you can sleep till tomorrow night for all I care!” April cheerfully added the last bit in a lighthearted attempt, but it honestly just annoyed Leo more. He tugged on Raph’s arm, hoping to get his big brother to take his side. Or put him on the floor. Whichever worked.

 

“April’s right, buddy. You took a pretty nasty hit from the looks of it.”

 

“S’fine Raph.” Physically brushing Raph off didn’t work, so Leo was forced to try verbally. “Been hit harder in training before… You can let go, y’know.”

 

Raph did just the opposite. He scooped Leo up by the underarms, letting the slider dangle pathetically as Raph did a slow 180.

 

Leo couldn’t steady his eyes (which was probably fine. He was tired, remember) so he let them glide over whatever Raph was waiting for him to notice. It took him just long enough to be considered embarrassing to see it.

 

Besides the fact that Mikey’s room looked like a tornado just ran through it, the wall which concealed the sliding door was dented . A perfect outline of Leo’s shell was cookie-cuttered in, forming a concavity through three layers of steel- the inner wall, the door, and the outer wall. On top of it all, the perfect recreation of his shell was accompanied by a much less perfect, much less symmetrical dent hovering mere inches above it.

 

Shit, was that from his head? His shell, sure, but his head ?

 

“Tell me I’ve still got my good looks.”

 

Raph didn’t answer, nor April, but his older brother did do him the small mercy of relieving Leo from the humiliating position dangling weakly above the floor. He readjusted Leo so the two were plastron to plastron, with Leo’s neck resting on Raph’s shoulder. It was still embarrassing, sure, but it was definitely a step up from the former.

 

Raph started trailing out of the room. April stayed behind him, planning to keep her attention fixed on Leo who was currently fighting the way his brother’s footsteps rocked him to an inviting sleep. Just before they turned the corner, Leo was electrified with the harsh remembrance of Mikey’s current state. He couldn’t leave Mikey. He hadn’t left Mikey.

 

He had left Mikey. And Mikey got lost because of it.

 

Leo couldn’t muster the strength to act quick enough from Raph’s hold. He let a whine escape him, the slight hint of orange leaving his vision as they disappeared behind the doorway.

 

April, bless her heart, noticed Leo’s distress right away. “Don’t you worry, Draxum and Dee are gonna bring him to the med bay ASAP.” She paused between the letters, emphasizing each one as her tone danced from high to low. “Just as soon as they know it’s safe to move him.”

 

Leo was too tired to argue. He was too tired to do much of anything except keep himself awake, and even that was proving to be a challenge.

 

The walk was short lived, but April kept him engaged with meaningless questions all the way. Leo answered each one reluctantly, making note that he’s the family medic- he knows he has to stay awake.

 

It’s just one of those things that was easier said than done.

 

Leo may have been as confused as a pigeon in a petting zoo, but even in his haze he knew how to identify a concussion or two. He just… didn’t wanna admit it. For reasons too obvious to reiterate. Namely Mikey oriented. Besides, ignoring his obvious concussion couldn’t be considered malpractice. It was his concussion. He wasn’t gonna sue himself.

 

“ Leo , are you even trying?”

 

Leo was pulled out of what one could barely call his thoughts by Raph, who was now rapidly waving his poked up finger (which Leo was supposed to be tracking) in an irritated fashion.

 

For what it’s worth, he was trying… at one point… his mind just kinda trailed off.

 

“Sorry. Thinking.” Leo gripped the side of the gurney. He was sitting on the backup one just in case Mikey came speeding in, deserving of the best comfort they’ve got. “Do it again.”

 

Raph sighed as propped his one finger up again, going through the standard motions that Leo himself had taught them all. He’d practically memorized which way Raph subconsciously chose to trail his finger each time he’d practiced this test, so this should be a piece of cake.

 

“ Leo .”

 

Shit. Was he that far off?

 

Leo couldn’t meet his elder brother in the eyes, not even if he wanted to. Instead, he gripped the side of the bed with a bit more force and locked his gaze to his own, white tipped knuckles.

 

“Don’t tell Mikey.”

 

Raph didn’t respond, just rubbed Leo’s knee, sad and slow, in a way that signaled his support.

 

Right on cue, Donnie slid open the med bay door before beckoning Draxum to follow. The sheep yokai was cradling Mikey, making the youngest look miniature where he lay limp in Draxum’s arms. It was weird to think just a couple years earlier, such a pose would’ve only been possible if Mikey had been slain by the enemy hand. But the Draxum here now wasn’t triumphantly flaunting the helpless mutant turtle in his arms… He was just… holding him close, cautiously aware of the way Mikey’s limbs hung beside his weight.

 

Leo couldn’t help but chuckle, which was quickly met with a scowl from their surrogate father. That face looked better on him. Draxum wasn’t built to appear the caring type.

 

Mikey stayed unmoving as he was set down on the bed, the only indication of life being the gradual rise and fall of his chest…

 

Mikey’s chest.

 

Leo averted his gaze. His stomach already felt like a jack-in-the-box dangerously close to erupting its contents out.

 

But the guilt settling in only threatened to accelerate his inevitable vomit. Leo didn’t get the luxury to look away, not when his whole family was taking the damage head on.

 

Leo didn’t need to turn around to hear the ruckus Donnie was causing ripping open drawer after drawer, presumably looking for the heart monitor wiring if Leo had taught him anything about medicine. He definitely taught his twin where the wiring would be, but Leo knew better than to leave it up to Donnie to practice organization.

 

Raph had gotten up to help, so Leo was left with the wall as his only form of consolation. He took a deep breath, hoping to steal some of whatever courage his family had found to tackle the situation.

 

Thinking about it was no help. He flipped his internal switch to Medic Mode.

 

Leo stood up with no trouble at all, but as he rounded the bed his legs betrayed him. 

 

They turned to jelly, expelling all weight and reason to their figure. The floor was rising dangerously fast, yet somehow everything was in slow motion. It didn’t matter, because not one inch of his body was responding.

 

He hit the floor with a single, firm THUMP.

 

____________________

Leo couldn’t have been out for more than a couple minutes. He was sure of the matter for two reasons.

 

One: The racket from his panicked family had not quieted whatsoever. In fact, Leo was pretty sure it’d only gotten louder.

 

Two: Someone was in the process of hooking Leo up to a vital monitor. He knew this by the familiar feeling of the sticky adhesives currently multiplying across his chest- They’d been acquainted for far too long after the whole prison dimension incident.

 

“Dee, I don’t need that.” Leo pushed his upper body up, barely prying an eye open to make out his twin scurrying to get the rest of the wires connected. Leo brushed away the wire currently ready in Donnie’s hand before he began tugging off the ones successfully attached during his catnap.

 

Donnie gripped Leo’s wrist with an amount of force unfitting for a medical caretaker.

 

“Stop.”

 

Leo did.

 

Donnie kept working in silence. It was a sharp contrast to the current turmoil from Mikey’s side of the room.

 

Donnie needed the quiet.

 

.

 

Leo hated the quiet.

 

.

 

“No painkillers, though.”

 

“...Sure.”

 

Leo scolded himself over and over in his mind to stay quiet, to get over the uncomfortable silence, to not make some stupid joke, to not try to lighten the mood.

 

Donnie flinched as the monitor beeped to life, his eyes flashing with brief horror before returning to their previous unreadable stare.

 

No one but Leo could’ve noticed.

 

“Can you pass me my phone?” was all he said to the matter.

 

Donnie raised a skeptical eyebrow.

 

“I know, just for a sec.”

 

Donnie complied, unwilling to fight Leo any further on the ‘no screens when concussed’ matter. Donnie hadn’t exactly been one to follow such a rule anyway.

 

Leo swiped open his phone, navigating to his settings and landing upon my devices under the bluetooth tab. The spinning wheel made three rounds before successfully connecting to Donatello’s Headset . 

 

Donnie perked up at the gentle audio alert, leaning his head over Leo’s shoulder to get a look at the screen.

 

Leo scrolled leisurely with his thumb til Donnie interrupted with a hushed “ there”. He’d picked one of the many relaxing Animal Crossing night music (rain) compilations from their shared playlist. Leo couldn’t hear it through Donnie’s headphones, but he knew which song was playing. He himself had listened to this compilation enough times to have it memorized forward and back.

 

He could imagine the tune just fine. 

Notes:

I think I have a tumblr now??? We'll see how long that lasts but at least i sorta know how that platform works guys. sorta.
you know the rules, tag me in any art u make/see !!! comment if ya want cuz it motivates me and makes me all giddy !
Come yell at me!
@thistiktokisnotreal on tiktok
@heg2468 on twitter
@filsamek here
and the brand new wow changing it up a bit
@filsa-mek on tumblr

Chapter 21: Trailing On

Notes:

!STOP RIGHT THERE!
before u read any further u legally have to look at this fan art right here by @ihavenolifefrrr on twitter. I'm speechless. I see it when I close my eyes. Please go give their art all the love in the world.

The day came and went. One minute his family was shouting medical orders willy-nilly. The next they were asleep.

 

Whether that was due to Leo’s disoriented mental state or just the chaos of the day, Leo couldn’t say.

 

What he could say was whatever went on during Mikey’s emergency procedure, it sure didn’t sound like peaches and cream. April had drawn the curtain in between Leo’s bed and Mikey’s and while the slider was sure the thing was low quality enough to squint through, he didn’t dare try. Passing out once was embarrassing enough. He couldn’t risk diverting his family’s attention from the real emergency once again.

 

Donnie was left on Leo duty since the soft shell famously brandished the crown of “most likely to throw up while on medic duty”, which was fine because Donnie looked like he’d just gotten off a rollercoaster with a 200 foot drop. There was definitely a hint of relief in his features, but not enough to combat the nausea and lingering horror.

 

Donnie eventually fell asleep, leaving Leo’s attention with only the unfortunate to latch onto.

 

The ring of metal tools returning to metal trays.

 

The beeping from his brother’s heart monitor, under the harsh demand to stay steady.

 

Occasional words.

 

More than occasional gasps.

 

Then finally, a curtain waving. 

 

“Hey”. Raph pressed his lips together, trying and failing to construct a gentle smile. He looked worse for wear. 

 

His gaze suggested Leo looked even worse.

 

“Hey”. Leo mimicked the attempt at normalcy- emphasis on attempt. His voice couldn’t even flow in a stable tone under one simple word, once again striking the debate whether such was due to his head or nerves. “How’d it- How’d it go?”

 

“Ah, well, ya know…” Raph sent a glance behind him, either forgetting the rest of the curtain was still drawn, or remembering the fact and just not permitting Leo to see. “As good as it could go, I guess.”

 

Leo raised an eyebrow teasingly, “C’mon, can’t ya give me anymore than that, dude?”

 

“I…” Raph looked uncomfortable in his own shell, seemingly lost in inner turmoil over the best course of action for a big brother to take. It struck an annoyed chord in Leo, but he couldn’t really blame the guy. Leo had literally face-planted earlier. He’d proven himself to be one big red flag to the possibility of burdening the situation more.

 

…Or maybe Raph just didn’t want to talk about it yet.

 

Leo was opening his mouth to apologize, but all he managed was a tiny, surprised “ eep!” as Raph’s weight seesawed the end of the gurney. Raph’s reflexes were quick enough to catch the bed frame before they all toppled down a thirty-five degree mattress slide, but man did he look shocked . Leo couldn’t help but laugh at how awkward his red clad brother looked, one hand supporting the weight of two as it repositioned them back to their horizontal haven.

 

“Sorry, sorry!” Raph’s cheeks flushed as red as his mask, the embarrassment of his own clumsiness overpowering his natural green pigment. Leo was still holding back an obvious snicker, but he invited Raph to the middle section of the bed with a pat pat . Raph accepted with a comical amount of caution.

 

“He’ll be fine.”

 

Any trace of laughter left on Leo’s face vanished at the drop of a hat.

 

“At least, that's what Draxum said.” Raph’s eyes were focused directly forward, still and steady as they locked onto nothing in specific. “Him and April are gettin’ the last of the fiberglass set, but-”

 

“Can I see it?” Raph’s gaze didn’t waver, but his eyes certainly widened in response to Leo’s question.

 

“The damage, I mean.”

 

“Nah, I got that, but-” Raph’s heavy sigh made the curtain flutter along with his distress. “I got no right to say no, but… You don’t hafta look Leo, you know? No one’s expectin’ you to. And no one’s gonna hold it against you, I can promise ya that.”

 

“Raph, that’s sweet, but-”

 

“You’ve done the most for him. He won’t be mad if you tap out for this one.”

 

Leo couldn’t focus his vision enough to see Raph shaking slightly. He didn’t have to- they were sharing a mattress. Leo let his hand navigate to Raph’s knee, only miscalculating the depth perception to land atop it once. Fine, twice.

 

“There’s no done the most for him , Raph. It’s not a- what’s the word-”

 

“Quantifiable unit” Donnie mumbled, eyes still shut and head still tipped at a strain to the side.

 

“Shut up, go back to bed.” Donnie returned Leo’s ungratefulness with a frustrated hum. “But yeah, that nerd thing Donnie said. It’s not a quantifiable unit . Plus, I wouldn’t have even been able to face him without your annoying but admittedly helpful intervention, or don’t you remember? I just kinda need to see how bad it is, like- you get it, right?”

 

“Well,” Raph finally looked at Leo while he spoke, “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. Lemme just go check if they’re ready-“

 

“It’s a curtain , Raph, not a brick wall”, April piped back. “Open it up, Barry and I are just patching some stragglers over here.” Raph did as he was told without moving from his seat, tossing the curtain with a little extra force so gravity finished the job.

 

Leo’s position currently wasn’t ideal for observing Mikey’s injuries, but it would suffice. He could only hope he didn’t look like a dumbfounded idiot while trying to realign his rebellious vision. It worked enough- definitely not enough to do a proper medical evaluation, but enough to see it was rough .

 

It was gonna leave one heck of a scar. Mikey’s chest was a collage of fiberglass and resin, the recently tended to spots barely visible under the opaque sheen. Similarly, the center from which the webbed cracks originated was invisible under the Jenga-style patchwork. The wounds that could be seen were strictly not for the young or faint of heart. Leo was just unlucky enough to catch a sneak peak of Mikey’s insides exposed in the lining of the cracks. It resembled some twisted version of silly putty. On top of it all, the surrounding area looked like an electric stove top, red hot irritation coddling each wound.

 

And Mikey, in sharp contrast, was sleeping like a baby.

 

Never mind, that analogy would piss him off. Mikey was sleeping like a log .

 

“Who’s tracking the painkiller doses?”

 

“Why, ya want some yet?” Raph poked back in response at his bedridden brother- his conscious bedridden brother.

 

“Har har, no thank you. Mikey can tell me all about the insane high I’ll be missing when he’s up.” Leo waved his hands sporadically for added showmanship. “I’d take some Advil though.”

 

“Leo, you had some, like, twenty minutes ago.”

 

“Oh, for real? Man, that’s awkward.” Leo watched Raph’s smile curl in on itself at his little slip- up. “Relax, dude! I’m just keeping you on your toes.”

 

Whatever retort Raph was preparing was interrupted by the snap of rubber on skin- Draxum had pulled on his rubber glove like he was the star of some shoddy, emergency room soap opera. The way he yelped at the rebound made it clear this was the first he’d tried to bring lightheartedness to the operating table.

 

“I’ve finished over here. O’Neil, you’re excused- I can only conclude your parents are concerned due to the way your phone has been conducting a small earthquake for the past thirty minutes.”

 

“Pfft- they’ll be fine ! Won’t be the first time they’ve caught their daughter breaking through the window at the crack of dawn.”

 

“You broke through your own window?” Leo questioned.

 

“Lost my keys.”

 

“I mean, yeah, but- you know what, never mind.”

 

“ Regardless ”, Draxum directed the conversation back, “You may go. I will alert you if anything happens. Good work today, O’Neil.”

 

“HAH! Take that, boys! Favorite child, out!”

 

“Like you’d stand a chance against Mikey”, Leo added as April situated herself to leave. She stuck her tongue out back at him. “You coming back tomorrow?”

 

“Like you could keep me away that easily”, April swung her backpack over her shoulder, stopping by Leo’s bedside to give him a forehead kiss before she left for the night. “I’ve got class in the morning then I’ll be right over, ‘kay?”

 

“Gross.”

 

“You’re damn lucky I can’t smack you upside the head right now. Bye guys!”

 

“Be careful!” Raph called in her wake as April swung around the corner, one hand on the doorframe supporting her momentum.

 

Draxum summarized his work in detail, specifying areas of high concern and signs to look out for while Mikey slept (under the influence of heavy drugs, of course). The device was still fastened around Mikey’s arm, which Draxum prohibited from being removed under any circumstance except his or Donnie’s say so. It still needed some touch-ups, plus a system diagnosis thanks to being sprung upon its first test run, but they’d figured it was safest to keep it attached while Mikey was unconscious. Donnie had most of the data he needed being constantly fed into his wrist tech anyway.

 

For the most part, everything was your straightforward patient monitoring tips (which the boys practiced daily, even when one of them wasn’t in critical condition) besides the mystic factors of it all. And even for that all they could do was be on the lookout. Easy enough, the real struggle would be getting any of the three brothers to look away .

 

“Now, where are the rat’s quarters? A place to sleep would be the least he could do for hanging me high and dry on parenting duty .”

____________________________

.

.

.

Woah

 

.

 

There was no distinction in the matter. One second there was nothing, a dreamless sleep. The next he was awake. Probably. It wasn’t sleep anymore. But nothing was clicking . Like someone had plugged him into a dead outlet. Like an aux cord shoved into the wrong color.

 

Mikey’s eyes were closed. Then they were open. Just like that. And he was somewhere . Didn’t really matter where. There was no feeling. Nothing had feeling .

 

He couldn’t feel, but he could move. And moving felt like floating. There was feeling, floating, drifting. His hand was raised, inches from his face and heavily unfocused. He could move it. He had fingers. Three fingers. He knew this. But they were different somehow. He curled them one at a time, gaze fastened.

 

Woah.

 

He waved his whole hand now. Each movement left a blurry trail behind it. If he moved fast enough, he could make a ton of trails. But he couldn’t move very fast. He could only make two trails at a time.

 

Someone grabbed his wrist. He couldn’t feel it, but it halted his current trail. Mikey wriggled his hand, it slid down and grabbed the hand back. He had to drag it close to his face to see.

 

Their fingers were intertwined. The other hand left a trail too, a much bigger trail now that their hands formed one hand. Mikey shook the trail back to life. He shook and shook and shook. This trail was better.

 

“... hell are you doing, dude?” Someone was laughing. A warm laugh. A real laugh. Mikey wanted to laugh with them, but his tongue was lost. It must be sleeping still. That’s okay. He was fascinated anyway. He didn’t need to laugh.

 

A hand- a new hand- waved in front of his face. It may have felt left out. Its trail was unique, soothing, purple. Mikey dropped the blue trail. The purple one was better now. Plus, it moved on its own. No shaking necessary.

 

It was holding something in front of his face, very close. That was appreciated, but Mikey didn’t understand. He didn’t know what it was for. It wasn’t a gift. He knew because as he reached to take it, the hand pulled away. Maybe it was just for show. It looked nice enough. Not as nice as the tangling trails. It wasn’t fascinating. Just paper.

 

“... don’t think he can speak yet…”

 

“...he doesn’t have to speak. C’mon, Angelo, just point at the face that best encapsulates your pain on a scale of one to ten…”

 

Mikey stared deadpanned. He could hear. Sounds. Only sounds. He was looking at the paper, still and unmoving. It didn’t come with a trail… How much longer did he have to look at it? He could ask. He couldn’t ask. His tongue was still sleeping.

 

He stared. He stared and stared and stared but his head was drooping now, the first feeling that wasn’t floating. Sinking. Like quicksand. Slowly sinking. It wasn’t scary. He was tired. His body was tired. How had it ever moved in the first place?

 

He didn’t hurt.

 

He was heavy.

 

He was awake.

He was asleep.

Notes:

Delirious Mikey is back (I really like writing delirium guys- injury recovery time. My poor lil dude)
Also Splinter is on vacation with Big Mama. I don't wanna write him. It's not on my skill list. I can't do it your honor.
Dumps my socials cutely
@thistiktokisnotreal (tt)
@heg2468 (twitter)
@filsa-mek (tumblr)

Chapter 22: Feathers and Bricks

Notes:

Hi everybody. I'm sorry for the late update. If you're curious as to why the author has slowed, then you can check out this tweet here. I'm writing sporadically right now. Sometimes it feels good to just go into my little writing mindset and uh a v o i d stuff. Sometimes it doesn't. But I've still got plans for this fic and I will NOT be abandoning it. Knowing myself I'll probably slow updates to once or twice a week. Which isn't like... that slow I hope, just slower than usual for me.
K well that's that. Love you rise guys.

“A ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?”

 

“Huh?”

“Which is heavier. A ton of feathers, or a ton of bricks?”

 

Mikey pulled his head up, pausing the scene he and Donnie were unfolding with their newest Jupiter Jim action figure yet. It was just the two of them, hence why Donnie was playing the villain. He was powerless to deny his four year old baby brother the role of the hero- that would practically secure his role as the villain in real life.

Where Donnie was going with the story, Mikey hadn’t a clue.

 

“Uh, bricks?”

 

“Wrong, mortal fool!” Donnie swung his action figure high, tracing circles in the air till he landed right in front of their childhood hero. “They both weigh the same. The answer was hidden in the question! One ton! The subject matter is irrelevant!”

 

“What’s that got ta’ do with anything!” Mikey lowered his voice as deep as it could go without becoming scratchy. His Jupiter Jim impression was lacking, but boy was it adorable.

 

“Nothing.” Donnie dropped his villainous tone, he was just Donnie now. “I just read about it earlier.”

 

“It’s for real?”

 

“For real. Think about it, Mikey- a ton is not just a saying, it’s a unit of measurement. Two-thousand pounds of measurement to be exact. The riddle is dependent on the word ‘ton’ because it skews the listener's interpretation of the question. Whether it be feathers or bricks, a ton is still a ton. Do you get it? Isn’t the English language fascinating?

 

Mikey shrugged. He could probably get it if he wanted to, but they were playing now. He could figure out the meaning later.

__________________________

It only took twelve years to get to said “ later ”.

 

There are few things in this world quite as brutal as a disrupted slumber, especially one caused by pain . In one moment there is the bliss of dreaming, of nothing but the fragile illusion ahead. There isn’t a doubt in place, thoughts cannot connect to concern. This is all there is.

 

Until it isn’t. Until the brain is ejected like an improper hard drive, being denied closure or conception. It stays stuck in an incomplete dream, in a haze, in a malfunctioning state unable to process anything of the outside world except pain pain pain .

 

Unable to think. Unable to move. Till everything slowly, sloppily reboots.

 

And it's back to his chest. The weight which had settled upon it this past week had been replaced with another. Before, it was a slow pressure, like a hydraulic press had just begun its descent. Each push hallowed out another piece of his stomach, but it never managed to flatten him fully. Each day, even the ones where his mood was relatively good , he was forever stuck with the looming shadow of the press above him. But now… the pressure had changed.

 

Now it was just pain .

A ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?

Both were awful in their own way. Sure, the emotional pain was heavy, but the physical pain was crushing . Mikey had to get up, to do something- anything- to ease the pain, but he was so tired . His body craved sleep just as desperately as it craved physical relief. He was stuck in a loop, falling asleep for seconds at a time only to be wrenched back to reality by the throbbing pain .

 

He had to get up, to break the cycle, but…

 

.

 

.

He had to get up… to break…

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Had to…

 

.

 

.

 

Fuck .

 

This must have been hell, his own personal torment in an eternity of debilitating restlessness. Doomed to relive the agony of being torn from sleep, only to be engulfed by its hold once more.

 

It hurt- he hurt - only worsening each time he woke. He wanted to cry, to scream, to do anything except hurt but he couldn’t he was exhausted and so angry and irritated and upset and

 

Tears pooled beneath his eyelids, forcing them to open and allow the flood to flow free.

 

…That helped. It was something. Something he could grab onto, a buoy in the whirlpool of his spiraling panic. Even if his eyelids were fluttering like there was no tomorrow. Even if he couldn’t get a word out through hiccuping tears. At least it was a sound . Someone would hear him… right?

 

But the hiccups hurt . They forced his chest to convulse. Each bounce was met with an ambush of tiny razors, leaving Mikey unable to catch his breath even with the anticipation of the oncoming attack.

 

He was so out of it. He was so tired .

“… h-“ hick! “… help…”

 

“Quiet, Mikeyyy! I’m coming, I’m coming!”

 

“Dee, lemme help-“

 

“I’ve got it, Nardo, sit back down! Raph, will you-“

 

“Already on it.”

 

Donnie. Leo. Raph. They were all with him. They’d all been with him. They must have been waiting for him. He wanted to be with them .

 

“Heyyyyy, buddy. Raph’s right here, no need to get up, we’re right here.”

 

He knew that, Mikey knew that. That’s why he was making a feeble attempt to sit up, and the way Raph was rubbing gentle circles against his forehead certainly wasn’t helping…

 

…It was making him so tired…

 

No, not again. He couldn’t do it again. How could he make Raph understand he couldn’t sleep? Even if he could, he couldn’t .

 

Mikey’s tears sped up. His hiccups followed suit.

 

He just wanted up -

 

“Raph, sit him up.”

 

“Huh? Why-”

 

“I know an insomnia battle when I see one.” Leo. His savior. Raph’s gentle hands guided Mikey towards a steady incline, and as much as he wanted to sit up by God did the process hurt. He did his best not to audibly wince, but allowed his expression to do so only because his tears provided a good enough cover. He almost made it too, but at the last push Mikey couldn’t hold back the hiss building up behind his teeth. “This is why I asked who was tracking the painkillers”, Leo spit passively towards his twin.

 

“ This- ” Donnie didn’t dare pull his attention away from Mikey’s IV which he was fiddling with. “-Is why I asked you to rest, Leo! I can’t focus on the both of you when you spend every waking second denying and deflecting your obviously worsening condition!”

 

… Worsening condition..?

 

Mikey whimpered. He really, really hoped it wasn’t loud enough to hear.

 

“ ENOUGH. ” Mikey really shouldn’t have been surprised at Raph’s booming voice, but honestly, he kinda forgot he was there for a second. Well, he knew he was there, just not right there . “ Both of you. Talk this out after Mikey gets back to sleep.” Raph gritted through sharp, pinched teeth. He let out a heavy sigh, unwinding his visible tension before turning back to Mikey. “Hang in there, buddy. Shouldn’t be more than a couple minutes, right guys?”

 

Leo and Donnie chorused a defeated “ right ”.

 

Mikey shivered as he felt the guilt tighten around his abdomen. It was so much more… restricting than it should be. Now that he thought about it, it was sorta itchy too. His hand moved on instinct, but froze as it was met with some kind of scratchy material in place of his usual, firm plastron.

 

“Hey, let’s leave the bandages be, okay?” Raph slipped his hand under Mikey’s, folding his fingers between Mikey’s and slowly prying them away from the wrapping. Mikey did his best to squeeze in return, but his muscles were beginning to fall limp. Donnie must’ve gotten the next round of painkillers in, which, thank goodness for that , but Mikey didn’t want to sleep anymore. Sure, his entire self ached to just give in , but his brothers were awake. He wanted to be awake with them. It wasn’t a childish want . It’s not like he had a bedtime or anything belittling like that, it just… wasn’t fair that they all got to hang out while Mikey was being coerced back to sleep.

 

He didn’t have the time to fish for the memories of what had happened to leave him bedridden like this. In fact, the idea didn’t even cross his mind. His countdown to unconsciousness was ticking fast and Mikey needed to use his time wisely. He’d wake up again later, he could ask about his own bandages later .

 

If he was gonna ask something it was now or never. The corners of his visions were swelling over in black spots.

 

“… hurt .. ?” 

 

Really, that’s the best he could do?

 

“ Shh, shh, I know Mikey, ya won’t be hurtin’ much longer.”

 

“ No… ” Crap, his tongue wasn’t working right. Was his tongue even there anymore? It had to be, Mikey didn’t know where the hell else it would’ve gone… He sure couldn’t feel it, though.

 

Mikey channeled the last of his waking strength to a single finger. His hand still lay limp against Raph’s, but he managed to weakly raise his finger to a point. Thank the stars his hand was still in Raph’s, otherwise Mikey was sure the movement would’ve been too small to notice.

 

His brothers’ eyes all simultaneously landed on the target in plain sight: Leo .

 

It was enough. The slider immediately understood what words failed to express. Leo stood, much to Donnie’s dismay, and hobbled the few foot distance over to Mikey’s bed.

 

“I’m okay, Mikey. See?” Leo pointed to the bandages wrapped around his own head, smiling stupidly as he did so. “Barely any bandages! You on the other hand practically used the whole roll, ya friggin mummy!”

 

Leo poked Mikey right between the eyes, obviously nurturing some extra cautiousness than he usually would with such a tease. “So go back to bed before I use what’s left to tie you to that mattress, dude.”

 

Mikey definitely did not want that. If anything, Leo was the one who needed to be tied down. Maybe his other brothers would have mercy to at least tie them down together… it would probably be lonely, tied up all alone…

 

Mikey didn’t know if he’d shared those thoughts out loud, but something in Leo’s expression hinted that he probably did. It was all he could make out before Leo gently dragged two fingers down Mikey’s face, drawing his eyes to a close.

 

.

Mikey just hoped when he woke up next, Leo wouldn’t have made good on his threat.

Notes:

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Chapter 23: Misplaced

Hamato Michelangelo loves a lot of things in this world. First and foremost, he loves his family. He loves cooking. He loves gaming and skateboarding and drawing and kicking butt. He loves movies and tv, music and dancing, danger and fun.

 

What he does not love is sitting still.

 

But being a loving guy is a double-edged sword. He hates sitting still, but above all he loves his family. His family wanted him to sit still, wanted him to stay in bed and rest and heal.

 

They hadn’t actually said as much, Mikey just knew from experience.

 

After all, he’d been in quite a similar situation before. Waking up in the dimly lit med bay, disoriented beyond all means, itching for any sort of stimuli that didn’t come from the stiff hospital gurney. Standing up, falling down… scolded and reprimanded by brothers who were just as injured as him. Still babied despite ripping open time and space- still babied because he ripped open time and space.

 

Mikey hated that he was back in the med bay, especially so soon… But what he liked, the perfect medium between hated and loved, was that his brothers seemed all but spared. They absolutely looked worse for wear, eye bags still painfully prevalent even as they slept, but at least they weren’t beaten and bruised.

 

Well, at least two of them weren’t. At least they weren’t… like Mikey.

 

Leo was inhabiting the spare gurney, but his setup was lacking all the bells and whistles of Mikey’s. The slider wasn’t hooked up to any equipment, not even an IV for basic fluids, so he must have been sorta alright. His head bandages had shuffled in his sleep and definitely needed rewrapping, but luckily the bandaging stopped there. Donnie and Raph looked physically uninjured, though the two were a pathetic display. Donnie was hunched over and conked out on the desk, which like, was not a rare sight for Donnie, but his face was scrunched and tense. Whatever sleep he was getting was certainly not a peaceful one, and probably unwarranted at that. Raph had chosen the floor for his slumber, his shell pressed against the wall and one knee propped up to support his heavy head. The snapping turtle looked alert even as he slept, twitching slightly and breath catching at the hint of any movement… which was only coming from his own gentle snoring.

 

That just left Mikey.

 

He didn’t need eyes to tell his current condition was not a pretty one. For one, he could feel each and every wire and tube poking and prodding into his skin. He didn’t have the attention span to count, nor the focus to do so, but Mikey knew there was a concerning amount. His breathing was unnaturally slow, or maybe it was naturally on pace. It’s not like he’d moved in… a while.

 

He was also kind of cold- nothing debilitating, just a shaky chill. That could be easily fixed if Mikey could just get a couple laps around the room in, get his blood moving properly.

 

Though that was not an option, remember?

 

Mikey settled on just wiggling his fingers and toes, which were taking the cold front head on for the rest of his body, but he was unbelievably sore . Even just moving the tips of his extremities was a battle against layers and layers of lead filled muscle and bone. So he stopped, opting to just curl up into the blanket instead-

 

Nope- no no no no nope nope absolutely not- curling up was definitely off the table- bad idea bad idea -

 

For a good couple seconds all he knew was pain. Where Mikey went in those few flickers of a moment, he couldn’t say. He just knew white. White. Pain.

 

Mikey grit his teeth hard , but the trickling aftereffects of the initial shock just wouldn’t go away. He bit his bottom lip instead. The harsh taste of iron infiltrated his taste buds, lightly coating his gums and chin, but it was a small price to pay. Anything to distract him from the pain.

 

Something wiped at his chin. A thumb. The movement was slow, sad, sympathetic… but it felt tender. Loving.

 

Mikey granted his bottom lip freedom, leaning into the person’s touch on instinct. It was a much nicer distraction. He barely even had to think about how it was a distraction, it was so soothing on its own. The thumb spread its influence, cupping its whole palm to Mikey’s cheek to which the box turtle purred in response.

 

It was embarrassing, sure, but the feeling was just… really nice.

 

Mikey finally let the tension pressing his eyes closed fade away, releasing slowly until he could see the sad eyes of which the thumb belonged.

 

Leo. Leonardo.

 

Mikey smiled weakly.

 

“… Hi .”

 

“ Hey .”

 

Leo let his hand slide up and down, the soft rubbing of skin filling the silence of the night. There was beeping too, of course, but it only functioned as meaningless white noise at this point. Each of them had grown far too familiar to the flat rhythmic tune during their post Kraang bed rests.

 

“ Need anything? ”

 

“… kinda cold …”

 

“ Mm. Be right back. ”

 

The two spoke in whispers, although Mikey wasn’t totally sure his voice could go louder if he wanted it to. He watched Leo stagger out the door, returning seconds later with two oversized blankets in hand. Luckily they kept spares in the med bay storage closet, because the way Leo stumbled about like a baby penguin suggested he couldn’t have made it far on his own.

 

Leo worked his way tucking the youngest in as snug as he could, carefully shimmying the blanket edges under Mikey’s weight to create a comfortable cocoon. He started at Mikey’s feet, closing him in the cotton containment toes first, then ankles, then knees… The blanket did wonders at trapping his limited body heat, sending warmth swirling further and further with each new tuck. Further and further until…

 

It reached his arm.

 

.

 

.

 

Oh.

 

Right. Donnie’s tech.

 

.

 

.

 

Right…

 

.

 

“Sorry, did I hurt you?” Leo paused, dropping the blanket and letting his hands hover over Mikey’s figure. Mikey shook his head. He shuffled his forearm so it hung loosely over the side of the bed, revealing the tech as it breached the blanket fortress.

 

“ Oh… Do you…” Leo couldn’t continue, needing to avert his gaze before asking what he’d rather not know the answer to. “... Do you know why you have that thing on?”

 

Mikey nodded.

 

“ So you remember?”

 

He nodded again.

 

“Like… all of it?”

 

Mikey tilted his chin upwards, but paused before the descent.

 

.

 

Leo’s head…

 

Right. He did that.

 

.

 

His head slowly dropped, completing the nod. As if needing clarification, Leo pointed to his own head. Mikey nodded again.

 

He did remember. Not clearly, but he did. 

 

Hurting Leo.

 

Doing the unthinkable .

 

It pained him. It pained Mikey’s already bloodied and bruised chest. The last thing he’d ever wanted to do was hurt his brothers.

 

.

 

.

 

But then again, he’d done so before. Hadn’t he? Back when…

 

…back on the…

Kill him. Kill him. Kill the nuisance, the pest… he took the key he is a threat, threat, threat he is your brother he is the threat stop it kill him STOP IT, STOP-

 

…

 

…

 

Huh…

 

It was stopping…

 

Mikey could’ve sworn that was the start of a panic attack, but it sorta just… stopped? He knew the source, he could backtrack the panic. Guilt. For hurting Leo.

 

He’d hurt Leo before, he’d choked him, he’d almost killed him… He knew this, Mikey knew this, yet the feeling… 

 

…the feelings were slipping out of him…

 

“... Mikey?... Shit, Donnie!... wake…”

 

…It felt weird . He felt like a ghost, floating and intangible. Mikey was there, but he wasn’t really . He couldn’t take anything in, but he could feel things falling out . The guilt was shrinking, but it didn’t vanish. The incident with Leo’s head made Mikey’s heart sink. He did that, that was a fact . But so was the other time… Mikey had hurt Leo before, so why…

 

…why did it feel so far away?

 

All Mikey could say for sure, was that he knew nothing for sure right now.

 

His mind swam through sap, slowly dragging itself back to the surface and allowing outside stimuli to slowly, slowly enter.

 

Everyone was staring down at him. Was he supposed to say something, or..?

 

“Mikey? You with us?”

 

Mikey nodded. The collective breath of relief from his family was enough to blow the box turtle up and away. But before the wind could take him, Donnie was gently wrapping his hands around Mikey’s arm which bore his tech. His goggles were down, red and blur blurring together as Donnie whipped his head from the hologram projection his wrist tech was providing back to Mikey’s arm.

 

The tech on Mikey’s arm flickered like it was powering down, the golden detailing retreating as it…

 

…

 

The tech wasn’t glowing on its own, was it…

 

Well, that explains his family’s painfully obvious concern. Mikey had been glowing again.

 

“What happened?” Mikey figured it was safe to drop his whispering tone since everyone was up and all.

 

“Wha… You tell me, dude!” Leo shoved his face into Mikey’s immediate view, blocking the rest of his family and absolutely disrupting Donnie’s work. “I swear to God, you’re gonna give me a heart attack before I even hit adulthood!” Leo clasped his hands around Mikey’s cheeks, making sure Mikey knew the scolding was all in good fun.

 

“He’s fine-”

 

“Donnie, are you looking at the same guy I-”

 

“In terms of the glowing he’s fine.” Donnie continued before Leo could finish his stupidly oblivious comment. “My tech performed flawlessly as usual- please disregard your feigned shock, Nardo- and my readings detected perfect restraint on levels of mystic output so as to not injure our dear Michelangelo any further. He should be fine, but uh…” Donnie lifted his goggles, meeting Mikey’s eyes with a concerned but caring look of his own. “...Are you feeling fine?”

 

Mikey thought about it for a second, giving his brothers plenty of time to let the panic grow on their faces.

 

“Like, mystic-wise?”

 

“Yes, let’s start with that.”

 

Mikey paused to think again. It was a little funny watching his brothers dance in nervous anticipation. Just a little.

 

“I don’t think I liked it- Not your tech! Your tech is great! Sorry, that came out wrong.”

 

“Mikey, you can tell me if my tech isn’t working for you.”

 

“No, it is! It was… the process that was weird. I don’t really know how to explain.”

 

“Could you try?” There wasn’t a hint of irritation in Donnie’s tone. He sat at the edge of Mikey’s bed, hands clearly patient but ready above his wrist tech just in case. It was obvious Donnie wanted to help, but he needed answers. Solid answers Mikey wasn’t sure he could provide. But Donnie made a fair point, he could at least try.

 

“It was like… like… I- I don’t know-”

 

“Hey, hey it’s okay.” Raph folded his hand around Mikey’s, the heart monitor doing Mikey zero favors in hiding his true emotions. “Why don’t we start from the beginning? And we can pick it up later if it gets too much, how ‘bout it?”

 

Mikey let out a heavy breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “I guess… I felt bad. About Leo’s head. ‘Cuz I knew I hurt him and I never ever want to hurt you guys.” Mikey’s voice cracked, so Raph squeezed his hand tighter. Leo moved in on Mikey’s free hand. “But I r-remembered I had hurt you before-”

 

“Mikey, you have never once hurt me before. Not even this. It takes a lot more than that to keep Neon Leon benched, give a guy some credit.”

 

“But I did!” Mikey couldn’t hide his tears. “Back at the… or on the… I don’t know! But I remember trying to kill you! Or at least I thought I did! At first it was so clear , like it’d just happened, and the next I could barely feel it and I’m- I don’t get it and I’m just so sorry , Leo .”

 

“Woah woah woah, come here.” Leo sat at the edge of the bed near Mikey’s head, leaning over and wrapping Mikey’s head in an awkward side hug. It was the safest thing to a hug the two could pull off without hurting Mikey in the process. “It’s okay, you never tried to kill me. It wasn’t your fault, you hear me? Both of you.”

 

“Huh?” Mikey sniffled, about to question what Leo meant by that when he was interrupted by Raph’s hand trembling against his own.

 

Oh.

 

Oh Raph.

 

Leo had explained this to him before. 

 

“I-” Mikey started, but he quickly realized he hadn’t the slightest clue what to say. “Is this- Is it one of those-”

 

“Yeah.” Raph cut him off, saving Mikey from his pathetic attempt at finding the right words. “That one’s not yours, big man. Or at least, it shouldn’t be.”

 

“It shouldn’t be yours, either . That wasn’t you back there, Raph.”

 

“Leo, later. Please.” Raph used his free hand to wipe as many tears as he could from Mikey’s face, but they just kept coming. “Listen to me, Mikey. You didn’t do a single thing wrong. You could kick and punch and do your ‘razzmatazz’ moves on us all you want, but you could never hurt any of us. You are the light of this family, ya hear?” Raph’s voice wavered with that, and his face contorted as he tried to keep a hold on his reassuring smile. “You’ve got a gift, Mikey, and it’s the way you heal just by being around. And that is the most special thing in this world.” Everyone was crying now- Raph, Leo, even Donnie. “And I’m sorry, for ever allowin’ you to think you were somethin’ else.”

 

“No, I’m sorry, Raph! I shouldn’t have brought it up- I didn’t know and I upset you-”

 

“You’re not listening, Mikey. I said you can never hurt me. I hurt myself. I shoulda noticed somethin’ was up sooner, I shoulda noticed as the big brother that you were hurting before it got this far. You talkin’ can only get us closer to fixin’ this, okay?”

 

Mikey hiccuped an understanding “ okay” through a barricade of sniffles and tears.

 

“We’re gonna work through this together . But right now, it is three am and group therapy doesn’t open till, like, at least 1 pm.”

 

“Raph,” Donnie piped up, “if you think we’re going back to sleep after all that then you are sorely mistak- oh, he’s asleep.” 

 

Leo couldn’t hold back a full stomached laugh (which rattled his aching head, but like, worth it).

 

“Well, whaddya say, Dee? You up for some late-night therapy planning?”

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Chapter 24: Thoughts, Questions... Concerns

“Well then, thoughts? Questions? Concerns?”

 

Mikey was barely given ten minutes to wake up. Opening his eyes grew easier and easier each time he woke. The problem was his awareness. It seeped in at a painfully slow pace, causing the room to wash over Mikey in a daze as it took its sweet old time. Sometimes the wave took him with it, drifting him back to sleep as if he never woke in the first place.

 

But right now wasn’t one of those times- not with the way his brothers were poking and prodding at his cheek. Not with the way they gently shook one shoulder at a time causing Mikey’s head to bob and sway. And definitely not with the way Donnie was info dumping at a volume that could shake the very crust of the earth.

 

Or maybe that was his brother’s normal volume… Mikey couldn’t tell.

 

Sometime during his uphill battle back to consciousness, Donnie had prepared, and even begun, a whiteboard presentation that supposedly just couldn’t wait. Not even till breakfast. Such a feat wasn’t too out of the ordinary for Donnie, but Raph and Leo? Why were those two just as captivated by Donnie’s lecture? And why were they so insistent on Mikey’s participation?

 

Mikey could probably tell if he could just listen , but the words were falling around him, scattering like stray feathers. He could see them, even reach for them, but the second his fingers curled into them the wind would sweep them away.

 

He just needed a minute for the wind to calm down.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

“Mikey, are you even listening?”

 

“ Hm? ” 

 

“I said , thoughts? Questions? Concerns?”

 

Oh yeah, Mikey did hear that part. Donnie had asked him a question… kinda a while ago.

 

“Uh…” Well, he was as awake as he was gonna get. Might as well go for the kill. “Question.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Can you repeat everything you just said?” Mikey spat plainly. Leo roared out a laugh, wrapping one arm across his waist and raising the other in waiting for a high-five. Mikey, of course, complied. What kind of villain would he have to be to deny a high-five from his dear brother? Well, a high-three, but the point still stands.

 

Mikey shot an apologetic shrug in his genius brother’s direction, complete with an innocent grin and his world-famous puppy-dog-eyes.

 

Donnie didn’t show an ounce of irritation towards his youngest brother. It didn’t take a genius to see Mikey had been missing the majority of the conversation. Plus, Donnie expected, and prepared for, as much. Hence the whiteboard.

 

Donnie did, however, show a gallon towards his twin.

 

“Why yes, Angelo, what a splendid idea. If you wouldn’t mind doing the honors, Leo. ” Donnie spun the whiteboard with a flick of the wrist, letting it rotate wildly before abruptly halting it so that the writing faced opposite to them. “How’s that short-term memory treating you?” Donnie’s smug grin melted into a scowl as he spoke, urging his twin to accept the challenge.

 

Leo remained unfazed, keeping his demeanor cool and collected (which he was well aware pissed Donnie off more). He smirked, “Donnie, I literally stayed up half the night working on this with you. Man, Is it that hard to tell me apart from the voices in your head? Might wanna get that checked out.”

 

Donnie tensed out an exasperated groan, clenching his fists but seemingly too tired to press the matter further. Leo did say the two were up all night together, they’d probably just about reached their limit of the other’s company. Both of them, even if Leo was a bit more skilled at hiding it.

 

“Just-!” Donnie raised his palms, holding them out flat in front of him while he paused to take a single, deep breath. “Here.” He flipped the whiteboard back over, “We were just finishing up with some ground rules, take a look.”

 

Mikey briefly scanned over Donnie’s chicken scratch as he was told. It was clear to see which sections Donnie had attempted a more organized layout that the rest of them could comprehend, but it was, for the most part, indecipherable. The words themselves were written just fine (sort of), but following the actual framework would send even the healthiest of mutant turtles spinning. It was like trying to track a tilt-a-whirl ride from an aerial view.

 

In Donnie’s defense, he wasn’t usually required to present his notes to others, but man was it messy. If there were any keynotes of importance, Mikey sure couldn’t tell thanks to literally everything being underlined or capitalized or surrounded by exclamation points. But there was one glimmer of hope, one light at the end of the maze of madness: A schedule. Despite only filling one weekday worth of a plan, the list took up enough space to act as a focal point amongst the chaos.

 

There was a lot of “normal” in the so-called schedule. Things like breakfast, lunch, and dinner were all mapped out at their respective time slots. Leisure time was shoved in with a bracket line pointing to wherever it could fit. Even hygiene was a timed event.

 

But all that was barely measurable next to the hours upon hours of “treatment” spaces, flip-flopping between “mental” and “physical” as the day progressed.

 

“So,” Mikey started, “all this is…?”

 

“A startin’ point.” Raph jumped in. He always was just a bit too keen at detecting when Mikey felt uneasy. He pat Mikey’s knee, a simple action that somehow carried a tidal pool of comfort when it came from the oldest. “But we won’t start till ya give the go ahead.”

 

“Cool.”

 

It was not cool .

 

But Mikey wasn’t about to tell them that. The fact is, he was scared. Not of the physical rehabilitation, that’d be a walk in the park. He could still walk, right? Eh, he’d test that out later. It was the deemed “therapy sessions” that made his stomach churn. The last time he tried to explain… his head, he hurt someone else in the process. Raph. And of course Raph said it wasn’t his fault but wasn’t it?

 

Stop. They need positive Mikey.

 

This plan, this schedule, was their hope . They didn’t have a backup plan... And Mikey could tell from the looks of it, that fact was tearing his brothers apart.

 

No matter what, Mikey was riding a slippery slope. He’d just have to… be careful. Think extra hard before he spoke.

 

Think extra hard for them .

 

Yeah, he could do that! That would be his focus: them. 

 

Anything, everything, for them.

 

“Alright, great.” Donnie pulled everyone’s attention back by slapping a flat palm against the plastic surface. “Now that Mikey’s filled it, I’d say we’re just about ready to get started.”

 

Oh no.

 

“Starting with breakfast.”

 

Oh thank God.

 

Well, guess it’s about time to put that whole walking thing to the test. Besides, Mikey hadn’t even been in that much pain today. Sore beyond all means? Absolutely, but pain? Nada. Sure, the painkillers were still kicking, but his body had to have made some progress on its own. It’d been- what, two days? That’s plenty enough time to get his razzmatazz levels refreshed and refueled.

 

“Hold on a moment there, my dear Angelo. If you’d please draw your attention to column B subsection 5.2-“

 

“Donnie, we all know you’re just spittin’ nonsense. There ain’t a hint of organization on that there drawin’ board.

 

“Well, Raphael,” Donnie chuckled nervously, “if that’s what you feeble-minded folks are led to believe-“

 

“ Donnie. ”

 

“No leaving the med bay?!” Mikey’s volume came as a shock to all four of them. “What the what is that about?!”

 

“Look at yourself, Mikey.” Donnie jumped before anyone else, anyone a bit more… delicate could answer. “You’re not exactly in peak physical condition.”

 

“Neither is Leo, but he gets to leave!”

 

“Leo doesn’t get to leave, he just does .” Donnie rolled his eyes with tremendous exaggeration. While usually Leo would be quick to offer a snarky comment or two, he stayed quiet, drawing back from the conversation.

 

“What about, I don’t know, the bathroom? ”

 

“With an escort.”

 

“Video games?”

 

“We’ll set it up in here.”

 

“ Alone time? ”

 

“ Non-negotiable. ”

 

“ Donnie! ” Mikey loathed his own desperate, whining tone. He didn’t mean to act out like this, honest! But it was too much happening too fast .

 

Why hadn’t they just given him time to wake up?

 

“This isn’t fair.” Mikey snarled under his breath. 

 

“Oh, I think it’s plenty fair, Mikey! You were alone all of, what, twelve seconds?! And how did that fair out for you? How fair is that gaping hole in your chest treating you? Surely better than the three of us!”

 

“Donnie, stop .” Leo stood, pressing a firm hand against his twin’s plastron. Donnie slapped it away, but it was too late for Leo. He was in the line of fire now.

 

“What, you’re taking his side now? Fine , paint me the villain, Leo, but you and I both know damn well we agreed on this. ”

 

“Wha- Leo? ”

 

But Leo didn’t turn towards Mikey’s call. His gaze was fixated on Donnie, refusing to back down. “Can it, Don, let’s talk about this-“

 

“ Talk about this?! Oh sure, like how Mikey talked about the fact he was literally a ticking time bomb.”

 

“I didn’t know that would happen!”

 

“Oh, but didn’t you ? Look me in the face, Mikey.” Donnie barreled past Leo, shoving the slider with minimal force, but enough to send the concussed twin tumbling towards the closest wall. “Look me in the face and tell me you had no idea what was coming. Look me in the face and tell me you didn’t feel any warning signs leading up to it. Because believe me, I’d love to hear it, but that’d be too good to be true- wouldn’t it? ”

 

That was Raph’s breaking point. His chair screeched as it skid backwards against his rising weight, instantly demanding his brothers’ attention. The room immediately fell deathly silent, leaving only the ring of metal on metal to echo through their heads. And Raph… Raph looked threatening - not just older brother threatening, like, bad guy point-of-view threatening.

 

The silence was deafening . The younger three ached for something, anything , to happen. They collectively wanted nothing more than for Raph to scream at them, scold them, punish them for their misbehavior-

 

But he did nothing . And that was somehow worse than doing anything .

 

It felt like hours staring, waiting, hoping for Raph to move… And then he finally did. His footsteps were heavy and slow, but determined nonetheless. He didn’t raise his eyes from the floor. He didn’t change his unreadable, stone cold, expressionless face. He just softly grabbed Donnie’s wrist and ushered him out the door.

 

“Mikey,” Leo started, but Mikey wasn’t in the mood to let him finish.

 

“It’s- it’s fine. Can we just…” Mikey paused, taking a moment to focus as he breathed deep in… then hold… and out… “...Can it wait?”

 

Leo’s expression suggested it couldn’t.

 

“Please? I just…” Mikey was interrupted by a wave of sniffles. When had he started crying? He really hoped it wasn’t while Donnie was in the room.

 

“Okay,” Leo’s voice didn’t manage more than a whisper. “I guess it’s, uh- I guess talking time isn’t till later anyway.” Leo raised a hand, rubbing the back of his head in defeat (but clearly avoiding the area of injury).

 

“What time is it, then?” Mikey hadn’t meant for those words to sound so passive aggressive, but he couldn’t say he regretted that they did.

 

Mikey’s stomach growled right on cue, answering the question for the both of them.

 

“ Shit , I-” Leo finally relaxed a bit, his muscles visibly loosening with each step as he made his way towards Mikey’s cot. “I’m sorry, Mikey, the morning sorta got away from us, didn’t it.” It wasn’t a question. “I’ll get ya something to eat as soon as Raph or Donnie gets back-”

 

“So you don’t trust me either.”

 

“I- What? No, Mikey, that’s not it. How can I explain this, it’s just-” Leo looked down at his own hands, fearful , like they could shatter the world- Like they had shattered the world.

 

It was times like these Mikey hated his gift for understanding others. Times when he wanted so selfishly to feel anger, hatred, resentment, anything to put the blame on someone else. Anything, no matter how irrationally blind sighted, just to pretend the problem wasn’t him . But it was him . The problem was always him . Because he always knew where everyone else was coming from- and they always, always , were driven by experiences more valid than his.

 

Because yes, other people made mistakes, but Mikey, above all, made the most.

 

That was the curse of being small, his feet could always slip into someone else’s shoes. No matter how big they were.

 

“It’s okay,” Mikey assured before Leo could find the words to continue. “It can wait.”

 

Leo pulled his eyes away from his hands. They were pricked with tears. His face twisted and squinted, feebly attempting to plug the waterworks before they could burst uncontrollably. He didn’t meet Mikey’s gaze- he wasn’t ready- but he did raise his upper body to pull the box turtle into a hug.

 

Well, sort of a hug. Leo folded himself into an awkward igloo above and around Mikey, clearly wishing he could do something more but too scared to offer physical touch. It was okay, though. The intention was there.

 

“Love you lots, kid.”

 

Mikey would let the nickname slide just this once .

 

“Love you, too, Lee.”

 

Whatever Raph had needed to say to Donnie, it didn’t take long. Because of course it didn’t. Right when Mikey was catching a break, too. Raph’s footsteps rattled the legs of the cot before he’d even opened the door… not a great sign, it probably didn’t go too well if Raph was still angry. The door slammed open- yep, Raph was furious - and Donnie shuffled his way in behind Raph’s booming stride.

 

“Leo, breakfast. Now .”

 

It’s not like it was up for debate- nothing was when Raph got into one of these moods- but Leo still locked eyes with Mikey, giving him a look that said I won’t go unless you give the go ahead.

 

Mikey didn’t respond, he didn’t have anything to say, he just gave Leo a weak wave goodbye. The gesture clearly lacked the sufficient amount of confidence needed for Leo to buy into it, but it mattered little. Raph hoisted the slider up by the lip of his shell, fully ready to carry Leo like a handbag if he didn’t cooperate.

 

Leo had enough pride left to connect his feet to the floor, but not enough to initiate the first step. He wasn’t about to be airlifted out of the room, but he could settle being dragged like a rag doll.

 

So Mikey and Donnie were left alone. 

 

For a good while, it was silent. The only sound was that of Leo’s heels scuffing against the floor, retreating further and further down the hallway until it faded out of existence. And then the two just… waited. Donnie didn’t move, still planted beside the doorway with his eyes glued to the IV pole. The only sign of life from the soft shell was his dazed, rhythmic blinks.

 

Mikey wanted to run, to sink, to disappear, to say something , but he couldn’t. His words caught in his throat, hopeless to be heard even if he had anything specific to say. On top of the nauseating heat creeping under his skin, the heart monitor wouldn’t shut up. There was no hiding his panic, and he panicked more thinking about how Donnie might think Mikey was scared of him, which only made the monitor speed up more, which only made Mikey-

 

“I- do you want me to-“ Donnie met Mikey’s eyes only for a moment so that he could successfully manage a glimpse from Mikey to the door.

 

Mikey shook his head.

 

.

 

Back to waiting.

 

.

 

“May I- Is it alright if I sit? Or I could stand, I don’t mind standing, if anything prolonged standing can build up muscle even without the factor of physical exertion simply by-“

 

“You can sit.”

 

“Oh.” Donnie seemed almost disappointed by the answer, shocked like he wasn’t the one who asked in the first place. But he sat anyway.

 

The silence returned.

 

It was much shorter lived this time around.

 

“I do…” God, spit it out, get it over with, just chew him out already . “I am… sorry .”

 

Mikey’s brows jolted upwards in surprise. “ What? Why, you were right-“

 

“I’m not sorry for what I said.” Donnie’s tone was flat, sincere . “I regret- I’m sorry . For the way I said it.”

 

“It’s okay, Donnie. I get why you’re being overprotective.” Mikey fluttered a hand solemnly over his mummified chest.

 

“Protective, yes- Over protective, I can’t agree. You-“ Donnie gripped the edge of the mattress, “You could’ve died , Mikey.”

 

“But I didn’t-“

 

“But you could have! ” Donnie’s voice rose, but in a drastically different fashion than earlier before. There wasn’t a trace of anger to cover the pure fear . “You could have… And we wouldn’t have… Why didn’t you say anything, Mikey?”

 

“I- I didn’t know there was anything to say. Really, I don’t even think it crossed my mind I should’ve said something until you called me out on it.”

 

“That’s the problem. You used to be the number one communicator of this family…

 

Mikey was certain he’d just been hit by an invisible bus. Or a train. Or a frickin’ jet.

 

“…And I’m not good enough to fill in for you.”

 

What?

 

“…Donnie,” hearing Donnie disappointed in himself was a thousand times worse than his brother being disappointed in him. “Don’t- I’ll work hard. I’ll get better soon, I promise.”

 

“That’s not the point!” Donnie shuddered, “You shouldn’t have to feel rushed to get better. I need to step up, but I just can’t- can’t properly communicate without proper observation and I don’t know how to do that without… watching over you. Constantly.”

 

“But… getting better’s a good thing, right? Shouldn’t I want to get better?”

 

“Yes, but not for our sake. You should want to work at this for yourself . Otherwise… otherwise, how is it any different than before .”

 

“I guess it’s not. I’d do anything for you guys.”

 

“Yeah, found that out the hard way, didn’t we?”

 

“But I am scared.”

 

Donnie straightened, swiveling his head towards Mikey with a curious spark. When he didn’t speak, Mikey figured it was a sign to keep going. “I’m fine talking about it, I feel sorta… I don’t know, detached from it all anyway. But I’m scared.” Mikey stared at his fingers, tapping them one at a time against the plush mattress. “Actually, I think I’m angry . Because this is unfair , Donnie. Really, really, really unfair.” Yeah, he was definitely angry. “Because no matter what I do, I lose ! If I don’t talk it out, you guys’ll get upset, and If I do talk it out, you guys’ll get upset! And I won’t even have time to feel guilty because I can’t be alone, and if I’m guilty that’ll make you guys upset.”

 

Mikey clenched the blankets, letting his nails dig into the thin cotton while poking through to prick at his skin. “So yeah, I’m pissed off , Donnie! Because I do wanna get better- I do! I don’t like disappointing you guys and I don’t like the way you look at me like I’m going to break into pieces but mostly I don’t like feeling like this! I feel left out even when you’re all right here and I feel lost and I’m scared all the time and I’m tired of it! You wanna hear it, Dee, you wanna hear me be selfish, fine, but I hate myself for it!” Mikey hadn’t noticed when it began, but hot tears were streaming down his cheeks now. His voice wobbled, the fury in it fizzling out. “I can’t handle hurting you guys! Even if I know you want me to, it hurts me the most! But I have to, so I can’t be selfish… I can’t. I did this to myself, anyway.”

 

And there it was, right on cue. The overwhelming guilt for thinking about himself first for even a moment. Mikey didn’t even know if what he was saying was true, it just kept slipping out like water through his fingers. He was in too deep. There was no chance he could just laugh it off, say he was just kidding around or overreacting or-

 

Donnie was hugging him.

 

And not like the awkward Leo hug from earlier. He could feel Donnie’s plastron pressed against his. Hugging him like normal . 

 

The slight pain didn’t matter.

 

Donnie held him like he wasn’t a stranger.

 

“That’s all I needed to hear, Angelo.”

 

Mikey wailed .

 

Donnie didn’t let go.

 

“We’ll work something out. I’m not a mind reader, but I am the fix-it guy around here once I know what to fix. Come on, name one challenge Hamato Donatello has failed to overcome- Answer, you can’t, I am a genius, thank you the end.”

 

Mikey sniffled, “The Albearto bot.”

 

Donnie ended the hug, prompting instead to flick Mikey right between the eyes. “Answer, you can’t .” Mikey covered his forehead with both hands, giggling through a curtain of tears and hiccups.

 

“So,” Donnie continued, “I do believe this conversation counts for enough impromptu therapy points for one morning. Want breakfast?”

 

“More than anything.”

 

Breakfast would come to him. He was still on bed rest.

 

But Donnie did give Mikey a minute alone while he fetched a fresh plate.

 

A perfectly timed sixty second minute, but a minute nonetheless.

 

It was a good start.

Notes:

Sorry for the wait, I've been trying to make my chapters longer and I was pretty mostly satisfied with this one nehehehehe there was a LOT of rewriting involved but we did it i think boys.
Leave a comment tell me what u think yell at me praise me i do not care i just love hearing from u guys and it gives me more motivation than 30 pounds of sour patch watermelons in my system
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@heg2468

Chapter 25: It's All So Much

Notes:

you know the drill STOP RIGHT THERE IT'S FAN ART TIME! You have to go look at this art right here because i literally have not stopped thinking about it and it's what motivated me to start on this chapter so thank you twitter user @meganatorfanart times one million.
ALSO ! You might notice... I've updated the chapter numbers. That's right friends, we're approaching the end. There will either be one or two more chapters (I think. if everything goes according to plan. otherwise three) after this one. I'll get all emotional when it's actually the last chapter, but zoo wee mama.
SO, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO-

The day dragged on. Breakfast turned to lunch, lunch turned to dinner… The hours in between were nothing more than white space, stretching at a pace so undyingly slow that they blended together until something put a marker in their stride.

 

Mikey realized far too fast- avoiding was boring .

 

Well, it’s not totally fair to say he was avoiding, he was just giving Donnie time to adjust the plan! And since Donnie was kind enough to take Mikey’s needs to heart, to not only listen to what he had to say but accommodate to it as well, Mikey couldn’t screw it up. He would wait till designated talking-time to talk, otherwise Donnie’s hard work would be for naught.

 

But what was he supposed to talk about besides the elephant in the room? When was the last time he actually had talked about anything else?!

 

It was easy enough with Donnie in the room, the soft-shell hunched over the steel counter as his head darted from wrist tech to notepad. There was no pressure to strike up a conversation while Donnie was in work mode (in fact, it was quite the opposite. Interrupting Donnie while he worked was like diving headfirst into a minefield.). Plus the scribbling of his pen filled the otherwise silent room with a pleasant hum, so Donnie was the clear preference for company.

 

Lucky enough, Donnie rarely pulled himself away from the med bay. He left maybe once to grab some stuff from his lab, twice for the bathroom (presumably), and three times to deliver Mikey’s pre-picked meals, which were each time bland and boring.

 

That was fine, though. Mikey doubted his stomach could keep much down anyway.

 

What was less fine was when Leo and/or Raph decided to hang out because all they wanted to do was talk till Mikey’s throat was dry as the desert. It was besides the fact that Mikey was wrung dry from his fight/heart-to-heart this morning with Donnie. He’d be fine just having a lowkey bedside chat, but that was thinking with the glass-half-full. Whenever Leo or Raph weren’t dead silent, they were bothering Mikey with “how are you feeling?” or “ what’s the pain scale? ” or “does it hurt when I do this?”

 

Okay, that last part only happened one time, but Mikey would hold that grudge until his grave.

 

The constant questioning for his physical condition was annoying at best, but it quickly became like a fly on the wall. Mikey would just answer with an “ uh-huh” or “ like a five” or “yes Raph, that hurts! without a second thought. He’d maybe feel a little guilty for not answering in detail if his brothers weren’t going to ask the same question again in five to ten minutes.

 

But the problem wasn’t the fact his brothers were playing a broken record, it was the fact Mikey wasn’t sure how to answer. He could focus in on himself, narrow into whichever pain was triumphing the rest, but then the pain would just get worse. And then Mikey would notice the pain getting worse and his heart rate would pick up and he’d start overthinking and he’d wanna talk - not so much want to as need to talk .

 

Mikey had been paralyzed this morning at the very idea of having to talk things out with his brothers. Now he was jittering with anticipation just to get it over with.

 

As much as he didn’t want to render Donnie’s schedule useless, Mikey wanted to follow the plan for his own well being all the same. If Mikey was this emotionally exhausted from one impromptu talk session, he couldn’t begin to imagine the foreseeable future. He trusted Donnie. He’d wait for the plan.

 

It shouldn’t be much longer, anyhow. It was well past dinner by now and Donnie had started working mere seconds after he wolfed down “breakfast” (it was a cup of coffee). Mikey knew why it was taking so long- Donnie was working outside his comfort zone. He wasn’t working in his lab, he wasn’t inventing some grand device, and above all he was working with Mikey’s needs at utmost priority. Donnie had been scheming, creating draft after draft with backup plan after backup plan in an area that wasn’t his expertise.

 

Donnie needed an outline. Donnie needed a formula. And Mikey wanted it just as bad.

 

“Need anything, Mikey” Leo offered as he threw his head back and dry-swallowed two fresh Advil. He’d been popping those like candy, stacking it over top of tylenol every couple hours so there was always something in his system. “Water? Meds? Are you too cold or hot?”

 

“M’fine, Lee.”

 

“So you’re not cold? Or hot?”

 

“Said I’m fine.” That came out a bit more snippy than Mikey had intended.

 

“Leo, you’re being obnoxious.” Donnie said plainly from the desk, attention unwavering from his notepad.

 

Leo blew out his cheeks, pouting. “Fine, then I’ll just bother you instead. How much longer, Dontron?”

 

“I’ve been finished for a while now, dear brother.” Donnie still didn’t raise his head. “Just waiting for you to leave so I can have Angelo finalize everything.”

 

“What?! C’mon, let me see-“

 

Donnie finally turned his attention towards Leo, narrowing his eyes as his chair swiveled to show his serious side. “No. Angelo first, then the mother hens.”

 

“Hey, I am not-“

 

“Oh, spare me your excuses. At least Raph can admit he’s overbearing.”

 

“Well so are you.” Leo spat under his breath.

 

“Yes, but I made the schedule. Therefore,” Donnie motioned the back of his hands towards the doorway, “ Shoo.”

 

“You know what, fine, I will! ” The slight tinge of taken offense in Leo’s previous tone vanished, replaced by up-played showmanship. “My feelings- my fragile sense of self! Your words cut deep, Donatello. I can’t even bear to look at you.”

 

“Great, now-“

 

“It’s okay, you can make it up to me later by doing the dishes from today, Raph and I piled them in the sink there’s a lot okay byeeeeee !”

 

Leo scurried out of the room, fumbling his balance as he turned the corner out of sight.

 

Donnie turned to Mikey, expression deadpanned.

 

“I will not be doing his dishes.”

 

Mikey couldn’t hold back a laugh, which shocked Donnie a bit because he hadn’t intended it to be a joke, yet the soft-shell quickly realized the humor of the situation and let out a soft chuckle.

 

It was nice.

 

“You know,” Mikey started, hoping to regain his composure. A laugh or two was fine, but any more than that and his pain spread like wildfire, his body cruelly reminding him now’s not the time to have fun . “You’ve gotten pretty good at getting a read of me. What happened to that ‘emotionless bad boy’ Donnie I know and love?”

 

“Oh please, it doesn’t take much to tell when Leo’s annoyance has surpassed its limits. So,” Donnie waved his pad of paper with a casual grin, “wanna take a look?”

 

“Yeah, sure!” Donnie kicked the wall, propelling his rolling chair the couple feet to Mikey’s bedside. He plopped the paper on the sheets beside Mikey’s hand, implying whenever you’re ready . The gesture didn’t go unnoticed, but Mikey had spent the whole day waiting, so he scooped up the notepad.

 

What he saw knocked him off his own two feet. Figuratively, of course. Still bedridden, remember?

 

Mikey had expected a detailed plan polished from head to toe, but was instead greeted by a checklist. Many checklists, each perfectly decorated with stenciled columns and empty boxes waiting to be filled. Multiple spaces branched off in a choose-your-own adventure kind of style. Mikey trailed his finger delicately down the page: Did you talk today? Yes. With who? Leo. Results? Very very satisfied. And that was just the beginning of possibilities. He flipped through the pages, taking in as much as his racing thoughts would allow. Checklists for talking time, free time, relaxation time, meal time. There were fill in the blanks, rating scales, even designated spaces for doodling. The whole thing was so… lenient. Marked goals littered the page, yes, but they redirected Mikey’s finger to a new path if they weren’t met.

 

There wasn’t a single area for disappointment.

 

It wasn’t unlike Donnie to be a checklist guy, but in place of a firm schedule? That was new. Something on Mikey’s face must have suggested as much, because seconds later Donnie interrupted,

 

“I did some research. Although, I prepared more literal schedules if you’d rather.”

 

“…No,” Mikey started, but his voice came out no stronger than a whisper. “No, this is good.” He shouldn’t have tried to project his volume. His voice cracked in disapproval, hinting to the tears breaching his eyes.

 

“Wha- Woah, hey!” Donnie was clearly caught off guard. He stood up, looking around the room for reasons Mikey couldn’t quite identify. “Don’t cry, I told you I’ve composed dozens of alternative options! Just-” Donnie reached for the notepad, but Mikey tightened his grip and pulled it to his chest (which sent a fresh batch of wet streaks down his face because ow he needed to pay better attention to his injury).

 

Mikey shook his head a few times, both in response to Donnie and to shake away the pain. “I like this one. This one’s perfect. ”

 

“Oh. Oh! Well, alright then. Another genius-built invention flawlessly produced by yours truly you can hold your applause I’ll be here all week-”

 

Mikey rested his hand on Donnie’s wrist, putting a pause to his brother’s rambling. He’d have gone for a hug if his chest wasn’t throbbing, begging him not to.

 

“Thanks, Donnie.”

 

Mikey could feel the tension release from Donnie as his wrist faltered under the weight of his loosened shoulders. The soft-shell let out a brief huff, then took Mikey’s hand and set it back against the mattress. “Anytime, Angelo”, he said with a pat to Mikey’s knuckles. “I will need to borrow the sheet to make photocopies. And to show it to Leo and Raph as well, I suppose.” Donnie tousled the top of Mikey’s head, rubbing the scales back and forth and he spoke. “Would you care to be there when I fill them in? Not that I believe they’ll have any significant insight to the matter, but the choice is yours.”

 

Donnie’s hand was comforting.

 

“Do… you have a preference?”

 

Mikey couldn’t help but lean into it. The touch radiated safety and warmth. Its rubbing rhythm slowed against the pressure of Mikey’s heavy head, but the motion was still there. Still soothing.

 

“Mikey?”

 

“ Hm? ” Donnie’s hand curled down to Mikey’s cheek, to which Mikey happily collapsed his weight into. Right, Donnie was trying to talk to him . Mikey strained his gaze upwards, but his eyelids drooped dangerously to block his field of vision. When had he gotten so tired?

 

The softshell gave a lighthearted laugh at his younger brother’s pathetic display. “Tired?”

 

“ Mhm… ”

 

“Then go to bed, dumb-dumb.”

 

Huh. Now that was a good idea.

Donnie always had good ideas.

 

___________________________________

It was a restless night’s sleep.

A completely, utterly restless night’s sleep.

If there was space in between the racket of his dreams, Mikey couldn’t find it.

 

He dreamt of the prison dimension first. He dreamt of the Kraang, looming, hunting through the monochromatic horizon, the scenery taken from a sketch drawn by the devil himself. He was cold, he was sweating. His sweat clung to his skin, freezing his already torn muscles in place as the dramatic temperature change grabbed at the evidence of his human DNA. The Kraang was coming. It found him. He knew it would, but he was scared, so scared , and the Kraang was lunging now, flying, and all he knew was fear this was it he was going to die here all alone-

 

Gravity came back to him without warning. Something grasped around his ankle, tugging him too forcefully for his vision to keep up and he was slammed plastron first into the ground. The whiplash lingered. Colors danced before him, flowing elegantly, snaking through the crisp air. Snaking closer. Snaking towards him . The beautiful bliss of semi-blindness escaped him as the Kraang snatched his aching body, lifting him from the Earth and tightening its grip to a suffocating degree.

 

“ Which one are you? ”

 

The beast spat saliva as it spoke, its acidic secretion melting the frozen sheen of sweat. He could hear his family, they were losing, they needed him. He was too scared. Every piece of him was terrified of the creature before him.

 

“I- ” His voice came out rasp, weak, pathetic . “ I don’t know what you mean! ”

 

Its grip tightened. He swore his eyes were going to pop out of his hammering skull with each sharp shock of pain.

 

“ Then we’ll just have to try them all.”

 

Oxygen invaded his coarse airways as he fell, shocking his system with its icy hot flow. He couldn’t get a breath in. He couldn’t get a breath out. He longed for the impact to return his natural ability to take in air, but the ground wasn’t coming. He just kept falling .

 

The scene vanished and reconstructed around him, piecing together in a jumbled haste until he finally crashed into something that wasn’t the ground definitely not the ground. Bile pierced at his throat. His scales rattled with shivers, but he wasn’t afraid. He wasn’t scared. Just disgusted. The substance inched around him, creating a mold of his figure.

 

Which he was abruptly ripped away from and holy shell it hurt- his shell his shell! He couldn’t see it, he had to get a look at it!

 

But the sound… it was a squelch sound. A wet, gloppy, squelching sound. Shells didn’t crack with a squelch. Shells cracked with a-

 

.

 

SHIIIIIING!

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Pieces crumbled to the floor.

 

His shell, his flesh .

 

They clinked as they settled from the fall.

 

He was frozen, shocked, confused, irritated, angry, concerned concerned concerned-

 

What the hell is going on?

 

Something else was begging for his attention. Something that wasn’t his own body scattering every which way below him. His heart pounded behind his eye sockets and he searched for whatever-

 

Leo?

 

Leo looked absolutely mortified, crouched into a deep ball under his own shadow.

 

He’d… he’d taken a hit for Leo?

His fear washed away. 

 

Mikey would do anything for Leo.

Mikey would do anything for Leo.

…Mikey would…

 

Realization clicked.

 

This isn’t real.

This isn’t real.

THIS ISN’T REAL!

But he wasn’t waking up.

 

“ I’m not- I’m not scared.”

 

Who was he talking to?

 

“HEY!! I’m not scared!”

 

It’s true. He wasn’t. Not anymore. In fact, this was good. Great even. His brothers were waiting for him in the real world. Mikey could tell them all about this shitty ass dream world, then they could work through it together .

 

“ You fucked up, dream dude!” Mikey sent a quick apology towards Real Raph, but the language seemed warranted enough. “ Takes more than that to pull the wool over Magic Mike’s all-seeing-eyes!”

 

His words echoed, bouncing off incomplete walls and patched flooring. Mikey hadn’t noticed, but it looks like the dream dude lacked the details to make this scene as strong as the Prison Dimension one.

 

He probably hadn’t accounted for the fact that Mikey might see through his tricks. Jokes on him!

 

But Leo was still cowering beneath him, and he was perfectly detailed from head to toe. His stripes were not aglow with their family’s Hamato ninpo, yet the fierce red of his brother’s stripes practically lit the room around him. Dream Mikey may have shielded him from… whatever was currently ripping through his shell, but the slider was far from unscathed. Deep bruises were already poking at his lime-green skin, coming to life against a field of ripped flesh and dirtied wounds. But he was alive . Dream Mikey had jumped in the line of fire. He wasn’t the one who hurt Leo this way.

 

“Didn’t you, though?” Leo chimed in, his eyes skewing unnaturally quickly towards Mikey’s own. If Mikey could move he would’ve sprung ten feet back, but something was still holding his shell in place. Leo stood, hoisting himself up on seasick legs before stumbling towards Mikey. He cocked his head, scanning Mikey with a menacing… grin? Leo raised his pointer finger, tapping twice against Mikey’s plastron.

 

The scene changed.

 

Leo stayed. But his head . Blood poured from it like a chocolate fountain, seeping into his half-lidded eye as it crept down, down, down. They were in Mikey’s bedroom now, he knew as much even though he couldn’t look away from the blood .

 

“There you are.”

 

Mikey’s eyes turned to saucers. Leo’s hand hadn’t moved, but as he tapped his finger once more the two of them were separated by a blinding golden light. Mikey squeezed his eyes shut, but the harsh glow pounded against his eyelids, turning the usual pitch darkness to a sheer white. He blinked the white spots out of his vision till he could see enough of the person in front of him, who to his surprise was no longer Leo. It was himself, but with… glasses? Comically oversized, round-rimmed glasses.

 

Holy shit it’d been a long time since he’d seen Dr. Feelings.

 

“ Remember me?”

 

Honestly, Mikey hadn’t until now.

 

“Heh, Not sure why I bothered asking. Look at you, of course you don’t.”

 

“I am looking at me.” Mikey raised a suspicious eyebrow towards his doppelganger. “ Where do ya think ya got those handsome good looks? ”

 

“ Hm, a fair point. Guess you’re not so stupid for an amnesiac.”

 

“Hey… I’m not-” What was he about to say, not an amnesiac? Well, he wasn’t totally . He was a special case. He just had too many memories! If anything, he was an opposite amnesiac. A memory-nesiac… or something. But Mikey wasn’t about to waste time explaining that to himself . “ I remember you.” He settled for instead.

 

“ Do you? Then why don’t you call for me anymore.”

 

“‘Cuz I haven’t needed you.”

 

“Really? If anything, I’d say you’ve needed me more than ever.” Dr. Feelings was not being very kind . His tone was belittling, mocking. “You can’t call for me anymore. You’ve lost touch with me, haven’t you? You’ve lost your role in the family.”

 

“I have not! I still have-”

 

“What, your powers? Your optimist spirit? Seems like everyone’s picking up the pieces you left behind just fine.”

 

“That’s not true, Donnie said-”

 

“Exactly, Donnie said. Who would’ve thought all it took for Donnie to talk about his feelings was for you to be out of the picture. Face it .” Dr. Feelings inched forward, tipping his glasses with a slight tilt of his hand. “ You are two things to this family, Hamato Michelangelo. One, a mystic warrior, which last I checked, backfired on you miserably. And two, the guy who plays pretend therapist in a desperate attempt to feel needed, but oh wait- you can’t even do that much anymore.”

 

“I… We’re gonna fix it. My brothers and I, we’ll get me back to normal.”

 

“And then what, you’ll just be the mystic guy? Go back to hurting Leo again? Donnie and Raph, too?”

 

“No! We haven’t- we haven’t gotten that far, but… you’re not real.” Mikey said it out loud, for his own sake or for the sake of the argument he didn’t know.

 

“ I used to be.”

 

__________________________________

“... Donnie..! Donnie… wake… Wake up!”

 

Donnie couldn’t say he was surprised that the night he finally decided to get some sleep, Leo was armed and ready to make sure that wasn’t happening for him. Leave it to his twin brother to wait for the perfect opportunity to ruin Donnie’s moment of serenity.

 

“... Nardo…” he mumbled groggily. His voice muffled into the desk, but he couldn’t be bothered to move his head. “ Meds’re in the c’bnet…” 

 

Great Galileo, he was so tired. Curse this organic body of his. Actually, curse Leonardo. Yeah, curse Leo. Donnie had earned this sleep, he hadn’t slept in… in… Curse Leonardo.

 

“No, Donnie, it’s Mikey! I- I don’t know what to do-!”

 

Curse himself. Curse Hamato Donatello for daring to rest even for a moment.

 

Donnie shot up, nearly smacking heads with his already concussed twin as he staggered to Mikey’s bedside. He didn’t have the time nor the composed mindset to assess the situation himself. Cut him some slack, he literally just woke up. Even his brilliant brain needed a second to kick into gear.

 

“What happened?” Donnie slapped on a stable tone, hiding his panic (and his embarrassment for falling asleep).

 

“He was whimpering in his sleep,” Leo began. He stood behind Donnie with uneasy anticipation as the scientist began pulling up multiple screens from his wrist tech. “I sat with him for a while and when he started glowing I freaked out but-”

 

“His ninpo activated?” Donnie shifted his goggles on, pausing his data collection to scan over the youngest.

 

“Yeah, but I figured it was okay ‘cuz he has the thing on.”

 

“The energy converting device-”

 

“Yes, yeah whatever! The device-thingy was doing its thing so I didn’t think I needed to wake you up, and Mikey was squirming a bit but I didn’t think I needed to wake him up until he started, like, really freaking out and I-”

 

“Leo, breathe .” Donnie was worried for Leo, obviously, but he was worried for Mikey even more so. And right now he needed Leo calm if he was going to get any viable data out of him. “When did his ninpo deactivate?”

 

“Like, a few minutes ago. That’s when he went into night-terror mode and I tried waking him up but he won’t .”

 

“That makes sense.” Donnie motioned a hand for Leo to come closer. He did, and Donnie enlarged the images on his screen. “These are recordings of Mikey’s brain activity from the past half hour. And this-” Donnie swiped at his tech and a hologram of the brain scans projected into the air, leaving room for a new data sheet on his wrist. “Shows the device’s exact time of activation and deactivation from the past half hour. If we compare the two,” Donnie swiped once more so both images hovered in the air, “his brain activity decreases slightly with each activation of the energy converter.”

 

“Ok so, translate.”

 

“Nardo, that was already translated- Nope, you know what. It’s fine. I assume his brain is cycling through hyperactive nightmares, but the device is detaching some of the fear associated with said nightmares. Likely, Mikey’s brain is attempting to alert him of its unmet psychological needs by creating nightmares, but the energy converter is interrupting the process.”

 

“Great, so he’s having not one but a bunch of nightmares.”

 

“It’s highly probable, but there’s something else. The energy converter will only activate if it detects foreign emotions. The fact that Mikey is no longer dispelling mystic energy means whatever nightmare he’s having now is officially his own.”

 

Donnie’s explanation was forced to a halt as Mikey’s unsettled whimpering turned to full blown screams . His two brothers wasted no time each taking one of the box turtle’s hands in their own, even as the youngest began flailing against the sheets.

 

“Mikey, hey, Mikey! ” Leo desperately called for him, but Mikey showed no signs of awareness. “Donnie, why won’t he wake up?!”

 

“The energy converter.” Donnie responded in a shaky whisper. “It exhausted him.”

 

Shit, fuck, fuck. He knew he needed to run more tests, he knew he should’ve taken every precaution under the sun, but Donnie just didn’t want to risk taking the device off Mikey! It was easy enough for the device to account for Mikey’s physical energy levels when he was awake , but unconsciousness was a whole other field of unknowns! But then again, Mikey had exhausted himself after the initial release of energy, so maybe this was normal? But- no! It didn’t matter, Donnie should have found a way around it! There has to be a way for Mikey to tap into his mystic powers without draining himself, like how he summons it during combat. But how? Maybe with a- no, focus Donatello! One problem at a time, first is to get Mikey out of the night terror your invention trapped him in-

 

“Donnie!”

 

Two hands were on his shoulders. Two sturdy, protective hands. Too calloused for their age, too caring for their size.

 

“Raph?”

 

Donnie blinked repeatedly, pushing away the fuzz in his vision until he could identify splashes of brilliant reds and muted greens. Physically, he was certain those were Raph’s hands gripping his shoulders, but logically, he needed more than one data point to come to any conclusions.

 

“Hey. Ya with us?”

 

Donnie weakly swept Raph’s hands away.

 

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Raph settled for crossing his arms, sending a harmless smirk Donnie’s way.

 

“Sorry. I’m here.”

 

“Great! Now to get down to business- What the heck are you two boneheads gettin’ in a panic for?!” Raph stretched out his arms and flicked the two middle children right between the eyes. “We’re a family! Takin’ care of each other is in our blood. Nightmare care is like, level zero! Beginner mode!”

 

Raph lowered to a kneel beside Mikey’s head, gently folding his hand and rubbing small circles against the youngest’s cheek. Mikey’s panicked huffs stuttered at the contact. His pained expression flickered with confusion as it contemplated the new sensation, but promptly decided it was no threat. The box turtle’s raging tears reduced to small whines and occasional gasps while his unconscious head leaned into the safety and comfort of his eldest brother.

 

Raph bobbed his head towards Mikey, urging the other two to join in for an “all hands on deck” comforting session. Donnie was now shamefully aware he had relinquished his hold on Mikey’s hand while he was stuck on the edge of a panic attack. Leo must’ve lost his hold as well, likely at the start of Donnie’s spiral or perhaps when Raph entered the scene. Nevertheless, humiliation tugged at Donnie’s stomach. The two of them looked like total noobs of big brothers in the presence of Raphael.

 

Leo must have shared a similar mindset. He didn’t waste a second flinging himself across the headboard, pressing his cheek against the metal rail and landing a palm on Mikey’s shoulder. The slider exaggerated his own breaths, seemingly latching onto the hope that Mikey could somehow mimic him in even his unconscious state.

 

Donnie decided on Mikey’s thigh and available hand. He rubbed his hands in alternating rhythms of each other, noticing how they spread over the folds and textures in the sheets and Mikey’s palm alike. The soft-shell leaned in and brought Mikey’s hand to his own forehead.

 

“It’ll be okay, Angelo.”

 

__________________________________

Mikey awoke with a sharp gasp . 

 

His senses greedily fought with one another, pushing and pummeling through in a desperate attempt to grasp his surroundings. His eyes shot open. His nostrils guzzled in air. He’s sure his body would’ve snapped into a straightened height if he wasn’t currently being pressed into the mattress.

 

His sense of touch won. The mattress.

 

Smell, antiseptics.

 

Sight, that same stupid ceiling.

 

The med bay. That’s right, he’s been in the med bay.

 

.

 

.

 

It was a dream. He was dreaming. It was just a dream.

 

A jumbled assortment of “ it’s okay, your okay” and “ breathe, Mikey” and just about every other form of shushes and reassurances he could imagine flooded Mikey’s tympanum. Raph. Donnie. Leo. His brothers. Mikey wanted desperately to tell them he was awake, that he wasn’t gonna jolt upwards and risk opening his wounds, but it was all too much. He was so relieved. He was so horrified. All Mikey could do was sob.

 

There must have been some glimmer of awareness behind his tears, because his brothers released their hold on him.

 

“Raph’s gonna sit you up now, okay?”

 

Mikey could only respond in hiccups. Raph’s gentle hands lifted Mikey’s upper body with ease while Leo slipped a wall of pillows behind his hovering shell. As soon as Mikey was set back down, he hurled his arms up and around Raph’s neck. Raph leaned in, reciprocating Mikey’s hug with his own and god Raph’s hugs were the best and Mikey exploded into a mess of tears. He didn’t know he could cry this hard. It shocked him anyone could cry this hard. It hurt but it was so needed and all Mikey could do was nuzzle deeper into Raph’s neck and hope by some miracle his screeches didn’t wake all of New York City.

 

And then Leo joined in and then Donnie too and it was too much it was all so much.

 

He just kept wailing.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

“Feelin’ any better?”

 

It must have taken at least half an hour for the youngest’s tears to subside to soft sniffles, and his brothers mercifully waited in full with patient understanding. Raph was the first to speak up, as he usually was in these situations. He just had that innate talent to navigate these high-intensity, emotional situations, and everyone had their complete trust in his soothing authority.

 

“Y-yeah,” Mikey tore through lingering tears. “Thanks.”

 

“Ready to talk about it?” Leo chimed in. He was immediately shut down by Raph and Donnie, the two of them absolutely dumbfounded at Leo’s untimely promptness. The slider cut off their accusations with a flick of his wrist, “What? That’s the classic nightmare-combat-protocol. If you talk it out, then it becomes less scary. Right, Mikey?” Leo sent Mikey a smug wink, silently rubbing it in his brother’s face that nightmare relief was his and Mikey’s thing .

 

Mikey did his best to collect himself, suddenly fueled by the hopeful expectation from his big brother, “Right.”

 

So, Mikey began retelling everything he remembered. Realistically, the nightmare only had enough context to fill about two minutes, but Mikey kept fumbling over word choice and choppy memories so the process took closer to ten. He held onto Raph all the while, squeezing the eldest’s hand a bit tighter when Mikey got to the parts he’d rather not recall. It sounded stupid reciting his dream. It always did. But Mikey knew that was part of the process.

 

But his brothers, they looked so proud. They were so patient, so encouraging and supportive and understanding. And Mikey was reminded with bittersweet nostalgia of all the times he’d stumbled into one of his brother’s rooms, clutching his blanket and rubbing his puffy red eyes. How they’d learn to wake up just by Mikey’s footsteps because Mikey couldn’t bring himself to wake them up on his own. How they’d talked just like this, just as comforting and embarrassing as it always was… but something was different this time.

 

Mikey’s explanation came to an end. He fell silent, swallowing the lump in his throat with just a bit too much obvious anxiety. Raph squeezed his hand. Leo rubbed his shoulder. They both whispered caring affirmations and loving praise. As was the norm for these moments. Mikey was prepared to move on, to get up and make breakfast or take a walk or anything to clear his mind-

 

But then Donnie set something on his lap.

 

A checklist.

 

Littered with marked boxes and underlined notes.

 

“A first session well done, if I do say so myself.” Donnie pronounced. Mikey pulled his gaze up, meeting Donnie’s with owlishly admiring eyes.

 

“Nicely done, Angelo.”

Notes:

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Chapter 26: Something Right

“Nicely done, Angelo.”

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

.

____________________________

 

For the first time in what felt like decades, Mikey was confident he was doing something right .  The process was difficult, frightening. Talking was a draining adversary, leaving Mikey embarrassed and self-conscious immediately after the fact. Yet as he further and further exhausted, Mikey felt better . The change was so minute at first that it took a couple days to notice, but the icy grip constricting his veins was slowly drifting away.

 

With each time he confided and spoke with his brothers, the tether pulling Mikey deeper and deeper into the mattress, threatening to sink his body into the ground, loosened just slightly.

 

Something was finally, finally, going right.

 

Sessions with Leo were by far the easiest. The brothers mutually agreed it had to have been due to the amount of times Mikey had mystically synced with Leo. With that and the added help of Donnie’s tech, the two of them could talk about the horrors and trauma of the prison dimension like it had been months since it’d happened. That’s not to say talking came naturally- because oh boy it did not- but they had a head start.

 

Raph was second on the list. There was still a clear disconnect of oldest to youngest that the two could never fully see from the other’s point of view, but that didn’t stop them from trying. While Raph wasn’t too great at allowing himself time to speak, he had long since perfected the art of active listening. It was a small but heartfelt detail Mikey was grateful for. He knew how to confide in Raph, it’s something they’d all done since they were young, but as the brothers matured they began to back away. Raph didn’t deserve that, the weight of all their problems.

 

But Raph kept reminding the youngest, it was better than not knowing. At least this way he knew how to help, even if there was nothing he could do to help other than be there

 

Donnie was the hardest. It was too unpredictable, both on Donnie and Mikey’s ends. Mikey barely managed to take any of the emotional pain from Donnie, probably because Donnie himself wasn’t sure what that entailed. That made talking… tricky. The two were on a mission, carefully digging for thoughts behind the layers of icky feelings and sensations from that day.

 

And when they found it, Mikey would be rudely awakened to just how much he actually took from Donnie. Finding the words was a slippery slope that always ended with the energy converter willing to life, and that sucked . Donnie continued tinkering with the thing day and night, but it was just a fact that the conversion process would always result in Mikey reeling like he just ran a marathon. Talking already took a toll on his energy levels, so when the device began whirring under the influence of his mystic energy Mikey often ended up falling right to sleep.

 

He’d tried to play it off once, ignoring the heavy tug on his limbs so he could continue talking with Donnie. It was unfortunate, really, that as soon as he and Donnie made any progress Mikey would have to tap out. But Donnie immediately noticed Mikey’s eyes drooping dangerously, resulting in a harsh scolding after the fact.

 

And sometimes, they’d have sessions with all four of them. Those were the best- each of them brought their own strengths to the table. Leo could flawlessly switch from super serious mode to lighthearted fun. Raph was a comforting shoulder to cry on, as well as a constant voice of reason. Donnie kept the four of them on track, pulling them out of rumination habits and providing better alternatives.

 

And Mikey, Mikey was himself.

 

And that was more than enough. His brothers made sure to drive that fact into his skull.

 

As for his chest, the damage was irreversible. The webbed scars were a permanent reminder of what he’d done, as well as what he’d accomplished. Mikey didn’t know how to feel about them, but Leo was jealous . His scars from the prison dimension weren’t nearly as mesmerizing. Plus, they didn’t glow in turn with his ninpo like Mikey’s did. And the box turtle had to admit, that looked pretty badass.

 

The injury was healing just fine and Leo insisted it would continue feeling lighter with time, but some days it really, really hurt. Mikey became their personal weather sensor- whenever it rained or stormed his chest ached and tensed due to the change in pressure. That complication would likely never go away, but it was something Mikey could live with.

 

He wasn’t allowed to experiment with his powers. At all. Not like Mikey particularly wanted to anyway, he’d need a lot more time to cool down before messing with those again. But Draxum did fill the youngest in on the potential of his newfound empathetic powers. If he could learn any sort of control over them, they could become a legendary asset- in battle, in daily life, in pranks (don’t tell his brothers that last one), but it was a dangerous gamble. And now that Mikey had seen the extent of that bet, he could wait a year or two or five before ever attempting to mess around with those particular powers again.

 

But until he was ready, and even if he never became ready, his brothers were at his side. They’d learned their lesson about keeping things in the hard way. The really hard way. The first sign of this was in the weeks following when Donnie actually told them he was feeling sick, something he hadn’t done in, like, actually ever. And it didn’t stop there. Leo started searching for comfort after his nightmares again, just like when they were kids. And Raph… Raph actually admitted when his stress became too much to handle so he could take a break for an hour or two.

 

So Mikey knew everything would be fine. Even on days when his chest rattled with electrifying pain, even during nights when he couldn’t sleep due to his brain running a million miles per hour. His brothers were trying, so he’d try too.

 

He could try for them, no matter what it takes.

But he could try for himself, too.

 

He’d try over and over for those three words.

 

“Nicely done, Angelo.”

 

He selfishly bathed in the gratification of those words. They were for him, only him. Mikey had earned them. Sure, it might’ve been his actions that led him down this path in the first place, but by god he’d earned them . The words came in different forms, but nicely done Angelo held a special place in his heart. They were the first of many, the start of his healing, and the encouragement for the future.

 

Things wouldn’t always go right, but those three words were always waiting for him at the end of the path, no matter how twisted and tangled the road may be.

 

Mikey would be fine.

 

Leo, Donnie, and Raph would be fine.

 

The youngest took a breath of relief.

 

And crossed off a big, exaggerated X on his calendar.

 

It had been one month.

 

One month since those first three words. 

 

One month since the beginning of their new lives.

Notes:

And there it is.
You guys, writing this has been such an incredible wave of emotions and I can never properly express my gratitude towards you guys for all the love you've given this fic. So thank you. I'll be around- you know where to find me!

If you'd like to see more writing from me, I've posted the first chapter of my next work, Least I Can Do , here. I'm super excited for what's to come with this one, so please check it out!

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