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He doesn’t know why he does it.
He’s dumb, is what they all say. That Liu Ji, never does a thought go through his brain. He finds it a bit insulting, because they don’t know him, although he’s sure they say that with affection in their hearts. Even if they beat him, insult him, he can shout back with some sweet words and laugh it off. If the villagers treat him like a stray dog, at least he’s a stray dog that receives spare change and scraps of food. But that’s due to their sense of camaraderie as neighbours in their little Sishui Pavilllion.
So he’s not sure why he reaches out to tap the boy – who is dressed in the cleanest clothes Liu Ji has ever seen, and so obviously not from around here – on the shoulder.
The boy turns to face him, shock in his face, and Liu Ji realises he hadn't anything planned to say.
“I–” He starts, and then changes his mind halfway through, holding out his other hand. “D’you want a pear?”
It's certainly not the wisest thing he's said, and he warily notes the other boy's polite confusion. Behind that composed expression, he’s probably wondering who this idiot covered in dirt is. Liu Ji had never been so self-conscious of himself than in that moment, on that road. He wonders if he'll be yelled at and pushed aside. They stare at each other.
The boy seems to start moving, either to tell him off or to accept his offer, but is interrupted by Lu Wan, haphazardly crashing through the crowd towards them. He pauses right before running into them, taking note of Liu Ji’s pear occupied hand raised in midair, becoming visibly embarrassed and shifting his feet awkwardly.
“Oh, uh, sorry. Go ahead with whatever you’re doing, dage.”
I'm going to punch you in the jaw, is the first coherent thought Liu Ji has in two minutes.
Instead, he clumsily shoved the pear into the unfamiliar boy’s palm, made up some excuse he couldn’t remember, and dragged Lu Wan away by the arm.
He was definitely not running away, he reasoned. He simply didn’t want to subject the poor stranger to Lu Wan, that was all.
。
Their next meeting is a few weeks later, while Liu Ji does his usual act of begging for food in the street market. He’s fallen to the ground half-heartedly covering his face as the stall owner sweeps at him with a broom (it’s all affectionate, he’s sure), when he hears a customer behind him clearing their throat.
The broom pauses, and so he turns his head, finding himself looking up at a face he had repressed all memories of. As he begins to wonder if the other boy remembers him, the stranger, though visibly hesitant, extends a hand.
“Are you alright?” is what comes out of the mouth that Liu Ji is staring at, and belatedly he thinks that this is the nicest voice he’s ever heard. The men around him in the village are all crass and burly, but this boy carries a refined air in both his conduct and tone of speech. Liu Ji does nothing but gape, maybe because his head is still ringing, and watches as the stranger begins to hastily withdraw his arm, looking uncomfortable.
Suddenly desperate to regain his pride after two embarrassing encounters, Liu Ji leaps to his feet and brushes himself off, offering a friendly smile. It comes natural to him, he notes.
“Where are you from?” he asks, proceeding to internally pride himself on the good choice for a conversation starter.
Before he can get a response, they're interrupted again by his assailant, the broom, as the stall owner chucks it at his head scolding them to go away. Previous conversation forgotten, he picks up the broom and easily falls back into his role, whining about how delicate he is, and C'mon, Jie, don't be so angry, you're prettier when you smile.
Halfway through, he realises the other boy is still standing there, watching this interaction with wide eyes.
In a split second, he's suddenly torn between playing his act even harder, or to put on an even faker face of dignity, lest the boy finds his submissive attitude revolting.
To his luck, the woman finally seems to notice the neat and clean dress of the boy standing behind him, and waves Liu Ji off, saying he wouldn't get away with trying to steal from her next time.
He grins and thanks her multiple times, before hopping back to the other boy. His smile is a little less natural now, and his hands are clamped together nervously. He dimly wonders why he's trying to talk to this boy in the first place.
“I’m Liu Ji. Some people call me Liu laosan,” he says, as bright as he can manage. And he stands there, pretending to not care about whatever the outcome of this interaction might be, until he hears the other’s soft voice again.
“My name is Xiao He.”
。
Xiao He had noticed this… boy, Liu Ji, a long time ago. He'd long learnt to discern the boy’s entrance into the scene when a ruckus started in the already noisy street markets. Either Liu Ji was being chased by a stall owner while laughing, or he was hanging with his group of friends, who were equally rambunctious. A few times, he was stuck in a brawl with someone in the middle of the road.
Liu Ji, Liu Ji, the rascal from the Liu house. He had asked who the boy was on his first visit, and heard his name thrown around ever since.
He also noticed how he would find Liu Ji’s attention having strayed from his friends' current gambling match to stare at him. There was no subtlety in it at all, and it alarmed Xiao He the first couple of times. He soon realised there was no hostility to the staring, that Liu Ji’s mind was likely just wandering, and picked Xiao He to stare at, much like one would stare at a bird or a flower. And Xiao He was aware that he might have stood out, a little, amongst the villagers. While he was certainly no nobility and his father held no boastful government position, he understood that his family had half a foot in the upper class, or at least, were pretending to. They would be picked apart like predators to the leftover carcasses of a rabbit in the face of true power, but the common peasants bore his father gifts and spoke to him like a god.
In a little place like Pei County, their little amount of money was a lot.
So when Liu Ji first came up to him and offered a pear, he thought too much about whether it would be right to accept it, and therefore hesitated for far too long. He got the pear shoved into his hands anyways, and he watched Liu Ji run away.
The pear had been sour and absolutely terrible.
But, he thought, he could be the one to approach Liu Ji next time. And so he did, hesitant to get involved with Liu Ji’s regular community beatings, but nonetheless trying to stick to his purpose.
Just like that, they somehow became friends.
Before, he rarely went into the street market around this part. He had been bored out of his mind the first time, and decided to visit new places he’d never been.
Now, he finds himself making up excuses to placate the questions of his parents, all in anticipation of seeing Liu Ji.
They don’t talk much, and Xiao He still doesn’t know anything about the peasant boy. But Liu Ji will hang by his side and walk in circles around him like a stray puppy, and Xiao He has to admit it’s rather cute.
The more trips he makes, the less he knows what he's doing. The first time, he went into the market with a mental list of stuff he planned to check out, and if he ran into Liu Ji, he'd ask to be shown around. Now, his trips mostly consist of walking beside Liu Ji aimlessly until it was time to leave, having done nothing whatsoever. Sometimes they sat down, Liu Ji placing him on a larger rock while plopping himself down onto the ground.
Recently, Xiao He has begun to join him on the ground.
Usually, Liu Ji rambles on with no coherency or logic to them whatsoever, and Xiao He simply listens. He points out a couple logical fallacies and inaccuracies here and there, but tries not to overdo it, weary of hurting his newfound companion’s dignity. But Liu Ji doesn’t seem to mind, in fact beams as if he’s learnt something new, and presses him with more questions.
He finds himself a bit weary of Liu Ji's group of friends, although he feels guilty since he has no reason to do so. But he has seen their aggressiveness, and he's watched them beat each other up and call it bonding.
He also has to admit Liu Ji is exactly that type of person, but for some reason, restrains himself whenever Xiao He is around.
Regardless, he avoids Liu Ji's friends a little, and thus knows even less about them.
Sometimes Liu Ji shows up limping, and he figures it's a consequence of the fights he always gets into. He keeps wishing to ask Liu Ji why the destructive hobby, but holds his tongue every time he tries, thinking it's not his place.
Sometimes Liu Ji buys him trinkets or pastries, which is even more concerning. He knows Liu Ji's family barely has enough to eat, but also fears that refusal of those gifts would be an insult.
So he doesn't question Liu Ji's source of income, only brings a basket of fruits the next time he drops by.
。
Today's one of those days when Xiao He is here, which means it's a good day. Liu Ji promptly ditches Lu Wan to go running after Xiao He, feeling not the least bit guilty.
"Fan Kuai says you should come drinking with us next time, you know," is his opening line, and he shoves another raw leaf in his mouth. He picked it off the side of the road. It's probably edible, he thinks.
"He keeps complaining that you're avoiding them. N'then Lu Wan said it's probably cuz they’re too dirty, n' I slapped him for that, but it'd really be good if you could come hang out with us once. The bros keep complaining that I'd never introduced ya although it's been months, and I don't want them to think you're looking down on them or anything."
"I truly don't drink much," Xiao He replies. He hands a basket to Liu Ji, and there are some fruits inside. He seems to receive a basket of fruits every time they meet now, and he vaguely wonders if Xiao He pities him.
Xiao He seems to notice Lu Wan woefully staring at them from afar, and Liu Ji knows that Xiao He feels awkward that he's always ditching his friends to spend time with Xiao He instead. But Xiao He only comes by once a week, twice a week at most, while he can barge into Lu Wan's house unannounced any day. It's not unfair.
"You’re free to take me to join them next time," Xiao He finally says, "I’d love to know more about your friends. But please don't expect much."
Liu Ji shoves the rest of the plant in his mouth and beams.
。
Xiao He is in his house.
To be more specific, Xiao He is in the courtyard in front of his house, sitting awkwardly at the makeshift table, but Liu Ji considers it a victory anyways. Or he’s so anxious he could piss his pants. He doesn’t know. He might be drunk.
Fan Kuai has his arm slung over Xiao He’s shoulder, his much bigger frame almost crushing the thinner boy. He’s laughing and cheerfully describing some story or another, probably another one about Liu Ji getting beat, while Lu Wan is half passed out on the ground. Liu Ji gives him a kick and downs another cup.
They’ve made a mess of the courtyard, and it’s way past regular sleeping hours. He’s lucky the government guards rarely bother to come by these parts, but he’s still going to get beat by his father tomorrow morning.
Some of the guys that always hang out with them, but Liu Ji isn’t as close to, have already gone home. He hears Fan Kuai clap Xiao He on the back, and it sounds painful. He flinches, and then shoots upright.
“That’s enough for today!” he declares, slamming his cup down. It shatters. Fuck. He’s definitely getting beat tomorrow. And probably won’t be fed for a day or two. He blinks at the broken pieces, not remembering what he stood up to do.
“Dage, you’ve picked up someone amazing!” Fan Kuai exclaims, and it draws Liu Ji out of his stupor. He watches Xiao He uncomfortably try and squirm out of Fan Kuai’s grasp.
“It is my honour to drink with you, Fan Kuai-xiong,” comes the polite answer. Xiao He picks up his cup and sips a little. Fan Kuai and Lu Wan forced him to drink quite a bit, but he doesn’t seem very drunk. Or maybe it simply doesn’t show.
“Alright, right,” Liu Ji hopped off from on top of the table, not quite remembering when he got there. “I gotta clean this place up before I pass out. Someone wake those idiots. Xiao He you just… you just sit there. Hold on.”
“I’d like to help.”
“No, no you don’t. What if you got your clothes dirty? They’re so… white.” They smell good, is what he doesn’t say.
Xiao He looks a little miffed at that and stands up anyways, helping collect some fallen cups off the ground. Liu Ji groans and gives up, kicking Lu Wan again and taking joy in watching his friend startle and scramble up.
Once they’ve managed to get the courtyard looking somewhat presentable again, Liu Ji ushers everyone outside of the gates, before pausing at Xiao He.
He doesn’t know where Xiao He lives, and he doesn’t know how far it is. But he assumes it’s still quite a walk that would bring no joy in these late hours, yet a simple invitation to stay could not leave his mouth. He would’ve said it to any other person, but he was always hesitant when it came to Xiao He, he realised.
Xiao He looked back at him awkwardly. And then Liu Ji could tell he wanted to ask, but some sort of richer people's upbringing prevented him from doing so.
“Let’s go to sleep.”
Without turning back, he began heading inside.
。
The alcohol must’ve gotten to him, because a more sober version of Xiao He would’ve never stayed out so late. He spent most of the evening struggling to come up with an excuse for his parents the next day, but was at an absolute loss.
He figured he should still return no matter how late he did so, and could at least make something up about getting detained during a random search.
And yet, despite all his rationality, he follows Liu Ji into his house. It was completely dark inside, and as he stumbled a little, he felt the other boy grab onto his arm. He let himself be led forward.
Soon Liu Ji came to a stop, in what he assumed to be Liu Ji’s bedroom. He silently mused that despite the signs of poverty that Liu Ji displayed, their house was rather well-built, since Liu Ji didn’t have to share a common room. Some moonlight streamed in through the gaps, and he watched Liu Ji settle down on a patch of hay near the wall. Awkwardly, he did the same.
Turning away from Liu Ji was weird, but turning to face him even more so, and he opted for staring hard at the dark ceiling while Liu Ji made some commentary. He couldn’t quite register the words.
Eventually he turned to look at the boy beside him, and rather fondly watched him speak. At some point during the night, Liu Ji’s hair had fallen, and now framed his face in a way Xiao He had never seen before.
His hand, not feeling under control, reached out and brushed a strand of hair – silver under the stream of moonlight – away from Liu Ji’s face. And Liu Ji paused to look at him, and the light was reflected in his eyes, and in that moment, Xiao He felt no greater desire than to see those eyes shining at him forever.
Before the weight of his actions was able to catch up to Xiao He’s fogged brain, Liu Ji flushed red first, and began stammering as he scooted backwards. He turned away and hastily mumbled something about going to sleep, all while Xiao He froze in shock.
Then his own embarrassment caught up in full force, and he also turned away to bury his face in his hands, hiding a scream. He was drunk. He must be. He was too appalled to even say good night back, feeling like steam was rising out of his face.
He’d never be able to sleep now.
And so the air was like that, both boys far too self-conscious for the next good while, until drunken sleep finally caught up to them. And if, in his sleep, he felt Liu Ji slide closer towards him, he would keep that as his own secret.