Chapter 1: Prologue
Chapter Text
As Jimin waited for his wedding ceremony to start, an unsettling feeling scorched deep in his chest. The bride was not coming. "Taehyung, please buddy could you bring her in already?" He asked, losing a shine on his face with each passing moment.
"Give me a second," Taehyung seemed lost and his attention was divided. He hastily ran down the altar while talking to someone over the call through his Bluetooth earphone.
Suddenly, they cued the music and the violinist, who was sitting on the stage in his all-white suit, began to play. A cute girl in a yellow gown walked in front of the bride, holding a nautical basket filled with white rose petals and sepals, splattering them on the long rug for the bride to walk over it. She earned awes, even more than the bride. Her parents pulled her away to make a pass for the bride as they approached the altar.
Jimin looked at his bride, mesmerized by her smile and beauty. Her white sheen veil dangling from her floret bun pin, her strapless bridal gown fitting her hourglass body, her long and thin neck adorned with a bright diamond solitaire with matching top stud earrings, and her airbrushed make-up made her the most beautiful bride.
In her white heels, she still was a few centimeters shorter than Jimin. She smiled with a thin layer of glimmer in her eyes and Jimin shook his head as he escorted her to the top of the church altar.
"Where did Taehyung go? Where is he?" Jimin whispered to Hoseok who stood behind him.
"Don't worry about him. I have the ring." Jimin relaxed a little bit before cocking his head to look at one empty seat in the crowd before his gaze averted to his bride, Rosenow. He sighed to keep the ambiguous feelings at bay and happily looked at his bride-to-be as the priest started the ceremony.
Meanwhile, Taehyung ran frantically, crossing the road so he could get to the church parking where he'd parked Hoseok's car.
"Where is he?" He asked on the call and pressed the car key remote to unlock it. Getting inside quickly, he drove away from the church and missed the wedding of his best friend in the whole wide world.
"Ulrich, please talk to me! I am on my way. He is going to be okay, you hear me? Jungkook is going to be okay." He assured himself as he haphazardly wiped his tears with his sleeves and floored it.
Germany was not a big country in terms of population as compared to an Asian country, and there wasn't much traffic, but today, Taehyung felt that the roads were so packed with vehicles at the worst time. It was Hamburg to be precise, a small, beautiful, and safe haven and their second home for the last few years.
It did not look safe anymore to Taehyung who managed to reach the hospital and ran without a breather. The white walls of the hospital were screeching in despair. The excessive smell of disinfectants and medicines made him nauseous and compelled him to want to puke but he endured it for his junior.
He pressed the elevator button in the lobby on the ground floor, but that was taking too long for his consideration. He abandoned the idea to wait and ran upstairs on foot. After ascending three sets, he finally found Jungkook's best friend, Ulrich.
"How is he?" Taehyung's mouth uttered desperately while he ran to the younger and Ulrich stood up. Clinging on Taehyung's blazer collar, he cried.
"Th-they flushed his stomach once but he was still not stable. Now they have given him activated charcoal. Please, sir... Please tell me he is going to be okay." Ulrich broke down and Taehyung was withering away inwardly himself. He wanted to say something but nothing came out of his mouth. He patted the boy's back and sat him down on the bench outside the ICU.
His legs shivered when he stepped closer to look through the fiberglass door which had ICU written in bold and red. Never has he ever imagined that this day could come or did he really not think it could be a possibility? He couldn't tell anymore.
His shaking legs and trembling body caught a heart-wrecking sight of Jungkook. The ever-so innocent and beautiful boy was in ruins with his mouth covered with equipment and a thick plastic tube inserted through his throat into his stomach to flush out the poison he took.
Taehyung fell down on the floor and his lips quivered. He could not control it anymore as he curled himself, bringing his knees closer. He lamented with cries that shattered the silent atmosphere of the hospital.
Holding his forehead with his big hand and clutching his chest with another, he tried to lessen the pain which threatened to kill him, but it only worked as a drop of water on a burning building. He could not worry about his surrounding, nor could he remember his best friend's wedding. The only thing he regretted was not staying with Jungkook.
Ulrich picked the older up from the ground and walked him over to the bench. "We-we have to tell him..." Ulrich uttered after they had cried themselves to numbness for hours.
They both stared at the big glass pane windows blankly and no one spoke for some time until Taehyung replied.
"It's too late now."
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5 Jan, 2022
Chapter 2: ׂFIRST YEAR╰┈➤ What could change?
Notes:
This story takes place in Germany and Busan. Present in Busan; Past in Germany. Past is written in first person POV and italics. Present is written in sans format with third person POV.
Chapter Text
I was excited to go to a foreign country for my studies but I was sure I'd miss home the moment I walked out of the house. As I enter the mansion we have for home, I startled my grandmother with a back hug.
"Kookie, can you not reduce my age any further? Do you want me to die from a heart attack?" She chuckled weakly and I kissed her cheek. She gets new wrinkles on her face every day and I am worried for her, really worried. I want her to outlive me.
"You are not dying. Not now, not ever. This is my order!" I exclaimed, warning my grandmother with a pointed finger who just laughed. I was an apple of her eyes, the only son of Jeon Jahyun and Jeon Machi.
This was a rich family of Busan which owned chains of 7-star international hotels.
"Gguk, are you there?" I heard my mother call me and I ran along not before I blew a flying kiss to my Granny.
"I am home, mother," I chimed, but my smile shrank in confusion when I couldn't see Eomma in her room. "Where are you?" I unsurely asked and watched the pile of clothes on the bed move.
"Help me. Get these off of me," She yelped and I barked a high pitch laugh for a good minute while Eomma just laid there like a moribund fish.
"I am sorry. What are you doing under these clothes?" As I began to clear the clutter and dig her out, she laughed.
"I went shopping. You leave tomorrow and I want you to have a new wardrobe. It gets cold in Germany and I don't want you to fall sick. I have also bought a few summer clothes but you can take them when you visit us during your semester break." She grinned and I just stared at her.
"Eomma, Germany is similar to Korea in terms of weather. I don't want to carry all these clothes. I can buy everything locally."
"You don't have a say in this. Sure, you might be thinking you are now a grown-up and that you are attending university, but let me clear this up real quick. You will always be my baby and you don't tell me how to take care of my own child."
I dug my hands inside my black tight trousers and exhaled.
"I worry Kookie, I don't know how will you survive there... If you will like the food? What if you become homesick?"
"Eomma, Eomma, Eomma," I stopped my rambling mother by positioning my hands on her shoulders. "I know you are worried but all of you have seen my university. You know the dorm is good and big enough. You also know there are many foreign exchange students and food won't be an issue. Besides, I will learn to cook in the dormitory." I assured her but she wasn't convinced.
"You have to be the first kid who has all luxury readily available to him but you would not take it. We still have time, let us arrange an apartment and we will take care of the housemaids. You just focus on your studies and coming back home in six years." She pouted and I pouted even more.
"I said I will handle it. Why can't you trust my capability? I can do it, Eomma."
She sighed as she knew there was no changing my mind. "Alright, but you are taking these with you," she pointed at the heap of brand-new windbreakers, sweatshirts, jackets, and whatnot. "And... Your father will talk to you after dinner." She said slowly and I sat down on the edge of the bed.
She sat beside me. "He is probably going to have a man-to-man talk. Just... Don't think too much about it, honey. You know he means well and he loves you. Don't you?" She caressed my head and I looked at her with wide eyes.
"But I am seventeen! I am not a man yet." I jested and she laughed.
Soon after, I went to my room to finish up my packing and I felt a little anxious about the move. Okay, why am I lying? I felt a hell lot of anxiety writhing me. I never left my comfort zone before and I always had four elders in the house to cradle me into a cocoon of safety.
I never had a scarcity of anything. Be it money, materialistic things, or love. "But what could change in six years?" I asked myself. "Time would fly by and I would be back home before I know it."
I began to pack, the last thing I picked was a photo album. Browsing through it with an absent smile on my lips, I felt nostalgic. There was one picture in which I was sitting with a hot dog wearing a red hoodie with washed blue denim pants while my parents and grandparents sat beside me. It was taken on a picnic that I did not remember, but I always felt warmth whenever I looked at this picture.
I pulled it out of the album and kept it in the middle of my journal. My door was knocked and I looked at a maid. "Sir, the dinner is ready," she informed me and I quickly hid my journal under the pillow before I walked out.
Appa was waiting for me at the dining table. I greeted him, not having seen Appa for long three days.
"Good evening, son." He replied and then I got tense when I saw his friend whose daughter I was supposed to marry enter the dining room. I was the only one when Suni was born, the daughter. My father was friends with uncle Min from the days of his school. Though the conversation didn't really come up since we became teenagers, everyone joked about it at home from time to time.
"Hello, uncle, how was your travel?" I asked.
"Good evening, Jungkook. It went well. Have you prepared yourself? How are you holding up?" Uncle Min asked with a bright and proud smile.
"You all might not believe it, but I am actually doing really well. I am confident." I nodded my head cockily, looking at each one of them. They all laughed.
**
After finishing dinner, Appa walked me out into the garden and we both sat on the swing. "I wanted to say a few things," Appa spoke slowly as we kept looking at the big illuminated mansion in our sight. "A man has to make many sacrifices for the family. He has to take decisions not for him but for his lineage." He stated while he let the swing rock us back and forth slowly.
"I sacrificed so much to build this house and to have this family. Now, I want you to think about it too as you are growing up..." He continued with hesitation and I just looked at him.
He stopped the swing with the help of his legs and cocked his neck to the side to see me. "I don't want to be a bad father but it took me years to bind this family together. If I had chosen a girl other than your mother, I cannot imagine how my life would have turned out. She is the one who influences everyone in the house. She was the right girl for me and she is the reason why we are all together and stand strong after decades."
I knew where the conversation was going. I thought momentarily and nodded. I understood what Appa meant, but then he surprised me with his words. "Do not go looking for the girls who would not understand our culture. Marriage is not just between two people, it is between two families. To this day, our family or Jeon name has never become a cause of universal laughter in any kind of disrepute. I intend to keep it that way."
I gulped, not because he asked me to choose wisely, but because he gave me the liberty to choose that I never thought I had, considering how close he and uncle Min were.
He looked at my perhaps terrified face. I hadn't spoken a word so he slung his arm around my shoulder. "Let's look at the bright side, you are of legal age in Germany to buy your own drink."
As my eyes widened, he chuckled and patted the same shoulder he was holding. I rested my head on his arm, closing my eyes and relishing the feeling of this moment. He cared about my happiness, I knew now. I was sure he would love me the same whenever I would come out of the closet.
The next day, I bid adieu to them at the airport. I thought granny would cry the most but she turned out to be a cheerleader, the woman wouldn't cry or let anyone cry. Before filing for check-in, I stole a last glance at Appa and caught him wiping tears while hugging Eomma. My forbearance cracked and I let my tears fall by just standing there as everything else moved.
Only the mindset to look at any problem could solve half of it. Instead of minding the anxiety, hard work, incessant homesickness, or perhaps culture shocks I was going to witness, I reminded myself of the six years I was going to live on my own terms, become my own person, find my purpose, and most importantly... Find the real me.
After flying for the whole day, I was welcomed by the German sun greeting me lustrously.
Like any other place, the yearly curriculum at the university was divided into two parts.
The summer semester started at the beginning of April and ended around the middle of August followed by a semester break.
Then the winter semester started at the beginning of October and it lasted until the mid of February, which meant, I would be able to celebrate all my birthdays with family during the break.
I entered through the university gate after showing my admission form to security. Widespread green and freshly mowed grass were sprawled on the lawn as far as my eyes could see. There were many students like me with luggage who had arrived a day before the start of the semester. Then there were others, basking in the sunlight as they formed small and not-so-perfect circles on the ground.
The building was situated at the center and all around it was either grass, laminated playgrounds, parking space, or a big fountain. This looked to me like a good spot for clicking pictures.
I decided to take a tour later and just get into the dorm as quickly as possible. Although the dorm was already assigned, I had to go collect the passcodes from the registration office.
I was propelling the big trunks over the three little stairs when I heard someone's playful voice. If I didn't pick the Busan dialect, I wouldn't have turned my head around to look.
첫해에 해부학을 잊어 버린 것처럼 인생의 나쁜 기억을 잊어 버리십시오 ["Forget bad memories of your life like you forgot anatomy during the first year."]
I hadn't even started my first year and the joke made me cackle, but then this supposedly senior turned around, walking as if he glided through the air, his bubble-gum pink hair bounced meticulously with each step he took, and his endearing smile knocked the breath out of my lungs as he walked past me, out in the sunlight. I stood there, completely neurotic and ignored.
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8 Jan, 2022
Chapter Text
I laughed at Jimin's remark. "Did you see him?" I asked when I ensured that we were far away from the entrance so I knew the boy couldn't hear us anymore.
"Him? Who?" Jimin turned around, but the boy wasn't there anymore.
"Must be the first year, he had bags in his hands," I replied, rubbing the sweat off my forehead that had started beading due to the sun.
Jimin couldn't stop the judgemental smile on his face. "Was he kind of cute too?" He asked me.
"Kinda cute? No, definitely cute." I emphasized.
"I don't understand the craze over the freshers everyone has. If anything, we should be more empathetic towards them for the hell they have thrust themselves into."
"Not everyone is here because they have to, Jimin. Some people actually want to become doctors." I replied exasperatedly.
"Point to be taken into consideration, Tae. You are here to become a doctor, not fall for anyone you see the first thing in the morning." Jimin poked his finger at my rib.
"If that was the case, I would have been head over heels for you."
We were laughing when they all arrived, Rosenow, Christoph, Hoseok, and, Anja. Our classmates, friends, and partners in crime.
"So... Where is he?" Anja asked us and we dumbfoundedly stared at her.
"I thought you were arranging the cabs," Jimin questioned.
Hoseok glared at us as if he were looking at the anatomy of an intestine spewed out at the table in the open. "I can't believe you two," he mumbled in Korean.
This was our thing, whenever any of us was angry or in the mood for some anecdotes, Korean came to us naturally. The same was the case with Christoph, Anja, and Rosenow. The speed with which they spewed German at each other still amazed us, albeit we weren't bad at German either.
Rosenow sighed and pulled out her phone as Jimin looked at her with apologetic eyes. "It's okay, I will call the guy who took my uncle on the tour."
Last year, we went to Croatia in the summer. Being in the heart of Europe with stunning landscapes, Germany had many things to offer in summers and winters. For three years, we celebrated Jimin's birthday in a killer place like that. The last one was on the boats, ferries, and beachside restaurants, and it was completely surreal.
Jungkook
I smiled at the lady who was working on her computer and looked up at me. "Guten Tag! Ich heiße Jeon Jungkook," I introduced myself. "Könnte ich bitte die Passwort-Kombination zu meinem Zimmer im Studentenwohnheim haben."
(Can I please have a passcode combination for my dorm?)
She smiled before taking out a brochure that I accepted in my hand and scrutinizing the several languages it was printed in. It brought a sense of appreciation to my head. I could read German well, but it was still a work in progress as I couldn't understand all of it. So I turned the page over to find the instructions written in English.
Students are to not share the dormitory passcode with anyone.
Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks will be provided in the cafeteria if you opt for food. For timings, please contact on below number.
Any damage to the property is to be borne by the student.
Girls are not allowed inside the boys' dormitory and vice versa.
If you wish to leave the dormitory anytime, one-month prior notice has to be provided to the administration, and your legal guardian's written approval is required.
If you wish to change your dormitory, please fill out the form attached.
Lastly, Have a happy stay. Welcome home.
I looked up and she was ready with the passcode. I accepted the keycard along with an envelope. "Ihr Zimmer liegt im ersten Stockwerk und Sie teilen es sich mit Ulrich Maier. Bitte nehmen Sie die Broschüre mit und gehen die Verhaltensregeln durch." She informed.
(You are sharing your room with Ulrich Maier. The dorm is located on the first floor.)
"Vielen Dank."
"Bitte schön (You're most welcome)," she replied and I scurried out towards the massive dorm building.
The sound of furniture scuffling was everywhere as I fathomed that people were just settling in.
I wondered who my roommate would be. I knew it would definitely be someone not German, but the name the warden mentioned seemed German. Eomma wanted me to take a VIP dorm with one bed, but I needed to make friends instead of finding comfort. So I decided I'd move into a shared dormitory at first.
Looking at each door in the corridor, I finally found my room, 9-A.
Swiping my alternate keycard, as I still hadn't opened the envelope that had the passcode yet, I entered the room to a hyperventilating boy. I panicked, unable to discern what was happening to him. "Hey, are you okay?" I asked, but how could he respond when he was wheezing quite literally?
Running towards his side of the bed, I opened the window. "Hold your breath for a second," I instructed him and his brows curved for a moment dubiously. "Do it!" My voice grew urgent and he clutched his nose with one hand and shut his mouth with the other instantly.
Within five seconds, he was breathing fine. "Woah! How did you do that?" He asked me, regulating his breath, completely impressed by me.
My lips twitched in a smug smile at the response I was going to provide. "I came here to become a doctor."
It was a right off-bat friendship. The next moment, we were laughing. "I am Ulrich Maeir," he introduced himself once we managed to calm our laughing asses down.
"German?" I inquired.
"Mhm," he nodded. "What's your name?"
"Jeon Jungkook."
"Jeon Kookook?" He repeated and I let out a loud chuckle.
I carefully and slowly broke it down for him. "Jung Kook," I saw his lips pursing as he must have repeated the words in his mind. "Call me Kook if you want."
"No, Jungkook... Jungkook," he repeated twice before he peered up at me with a proud look. "See, got it!"
"Ulrich... Can I ask you a question if you don't mind?" He encouraged me with his nodding and patting a space on his bed. "Why are you in the dorm when you are from Germany?" I sat beside him.
"Well, Jungkook..." He emphasized my name and we grinned. He slung his arm on my shoulder so suddenly that I didn't know how I felt about it. I have always been a fan of personal space, but I had to suck it up if I wanted to be friends with him. "Germany is a big place," I nodded understandingly. "I am from the west part of it, most specifically, Bavaria."
"I am sorry, I haven't heard of it," I shrugged.
"Yeah, because it's 'typical German' and more on the conservative side. Not as famous as Berlin or Cologne. " He explained. "Where are you from?"
"Would you like to venture a guess?" I said cockily.
"Will it be racist if I say I think Japan?" He squinted his eyes.
I smiled, "I am from Korea, Busan."
"Oh, same as Jimin sir?" Ulrich's eyes shone suddenly as if he had a good reputation of Busan in his eyes. Thanks to whoever this Jimin was.
"Who's Jimin?"
"He is now a fourth-year student, quite popular here. Mostly for his looks," Ulrich squinted his eyes as he looked in a certain direction. I thought he was done but he kept going. "Dancing skills... Good grades... And definitely his half-yearly hair color transformation."
I laughed comically at the information. "What's the half-yearly hair color transformation ?"
"He changes his hair color every semester. He is the only one, I think. But no one says anything to him, mostly because they don't wanna come off as racist since he is, you know... A model student and also... From your country."
"Sounds like a clown to me," I got up, walked over to pick up the bags that I let fall, and then looked at my side of the bed. It was... Really small.
"Nuh, you will change your opinion once you see him," Ulrich stood from his side and walked over to mine. "Are you going to unpack?"
When I didn't answer, he shook my shoulder. "What's wrong? Started missing your own room?" He had a smile on his lips that wasn't teasing, but understanding.
"Kind of," I sighed and rethought my decision. Should I have taken the VIP dorm?
"Don't unpack. Let's go somewhere."
Where?"
"Anywhere, it's very sunny and bright. We can leave now and we can reach Fehrman Island before it gets dark."
I scrunched up my face as my confusion turned bigger. "What about the classes?"
"Oh, classes don't really start until three weeks. Moreover, it's orientation time for freshmen. It's really just for all this organization stuff that comes up, to you know, settle down. But I can tell you more than that." Ulrich replied and waited for me to say something.
I smirked. "Tell me more about this Farman island."
"It's not Farman... It's Fehrman," he pointed out in an accent. "It has farm animals, goats on green grass, cheese, beaches, but most importantly, cheap beer."
I wasn't really sure. I asked myself. "Will my parents be happy to learn that I bunked the orientation to go and have fun on some goat island?" No.
"But will I be happy to learn that I bunked the orientation to go and have fun on some goat island, learned a little bit about German culture, made a new friend, and drank a lot of beer?" Yes.
"Let's do it!" I beamed at Ulrich.
"Yoo-hoo!" Taking out his phone, he immediately began to click on something.
"You know, if you were Japanese, I'd tell you one thing. But it's okay because I am going to tell you anyway," Ulrich announced while browsing. "Bigger cities of Germany have a huge influence from cultures like Japan, Turkey, or Morocco. My city is a little on the conservative side but some places have a Japan day dedicated to Japanese festivals and such to establish the culture further in the society."
I felt bizarrely euphoric as he went on for a long time. "What about the people? Do they date foreigners?" I obviously asked the question of my interest.
"You shouldn't worry about that, dude. Girls drool over Koreans not only in Germany, but I think all over the world," it hit a nerve. Should I just come out in front of him? "But yeah... I think certain local straight individuals thrive under their predominantly white friend group. They just have the vibe of racists and narcissists... I can't describe it. I mean you would be mad if I took your food, right? I guess it's the same thing. People here are also not open about sexuality. You get called names for being gay."
I didn't know if Ulrich learned what I wanted to ask, but what was even different? It was the same as back home.
I stayed quiet and let my mind wrap around the information I'd received. A question came to my mind. "How do you know about Jimin?" I tentatively asked.
Ulrich slid his phone into his pocket. "Call him 'sir' because he is the fourth year. I know him because he tutored me for a few months. Also, he and my cousin are dating."
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11 Jan, 2022
Notes:
This story takes place in Germany and Busan. Present in Busan; Past in Germany. Past is written in first person POV and italics. Present is written in sans format with third person POV.
Chapter 4: An old new friend
Notes:
This story takes place in Germany and Busan. Present in Busan; Past in Germany. Past is written in first person POV and italics. Present is written in sans format with third person POV.
Chapter Text
"Why can't you just accept it, Jimin? It's not a favor. It's the payment of the service and hard work you have put in. Please, just say yes." Rosenow asked Jimin as they stood in the middle of the new, empty art gallery building.
"I practiced because I had to. I spent eight years becoming a doctor. Would it make sense for me to abandon it? Perhaps no. But I never wanted to become one." Jimin rebuked, entangling his fingers in his hair while pressing them down over his skull to keep the headache at bay. Not, wanting to stress his wife during her pregnancy, he was holding back a lot.
"Is it only because it's my father who is offering it to you?" Rosenow looked down, hot tears brimming in her eyes.
"Look, Rose..." Jimin's voice subsided further as he walked toward the lady. "You should trust me. I know what I am doing." He cupped her face and made her look up.
The woman blinked her eyes but the unshed tears still fell onto Jimin's hands as she nodded. "Why are we fighting so much?" Her voice was so broken that Jimin knew they had to talk.
"I know," he heaved a strong sigh. "I am sorry. I shouldn't be discussing it, especially now."
Rosenow stepped closer and hugged her husband close. Jimin let his arms around her carefully. "Let me take you out for lunch. Relax and we can talk at home." He offered and felt the lady nodding.
They left the gallery and Jimin drove to the restaurant. The optimally warm sunlight filtered through the glass windows as Jimin turned on the radio to relax his mind and body. The ride was calm and silent, but they were far from peaceful.
Jimin was lost after years of studying and medical practice. He did get good grades and under the pressure of many things, he caved and got married immediately after graduation. Post-wedding, Jimin didn't think he could be more in love, at least that was how he wanted himself to feel. He wanted to walk away from the memories, from a burden that was weighing down on his chest, a pinprick that was left somewhere inside that he couldn't reach.
As they sat at the table, Jimin helped and served the food to his wife. Rosenow smiled, looking with concentration as Jimin elegantly picked up his chopsticks and ate silently. She couldn't wish for a better husband. Jimin was perfect in every sense. "Can I ask you something, Jimin?" The man's brown eyes peered up and he nodded, reaching his hand over to Rosenow so she could hold onto him. "Do you feel guilty?"
Jimin smiled. "Guilty for what, dear?"
Rose played with the words inside her head, wanting them to sound reasonable when she uttered them. "For not acknowledging his feelings."
Jimin's hand under the table closed in a fist and he palpitated. I did acknowledge his feelings, but never returned them. He thought.
Rosenow definitely didn't want to bring a certain boy up, but Jimin's self-destructive behavior lately led her to think that way. "I know you are kind and it is understandable if you do feel guilty. Just talk to me. I can't reach you, Jimin. You have to let me in."
It was true. When he couldn't find Jungkook, he had missed all the timelines to get into an MS, and also, he didn't want to do it, let alone one offered by Rosenow's father. He knew what would he get into.
Not only did he end up doing what he didn't want, but he also accepted the offer to practice as a cardiologist at his father-in-law's hospital during his two years of MS right after the wedding.
"It's been six years, Rose. I don't think I feel guilty anymore." Jimin assured, but he was far from blameless. He blamed himself for not stopping Jungkook when he could. He tried to find the boy day and night, only because he couldn't have it on his conscience that someone had to leave medical school because of him. From the list of registered medical practitioners to the international enrollees, he looked everywhere and hoped that he would wake up one day and find Jungkook. He held himself responsible for ruining a potentially exceptionally promising career.
"I am sorry, I didn't mean to bring him up." Rose wiped her mouth, looking around to avoid eye contact. This subject has always been sour. For years, she stayed tight-lipped and observed Jimin change entirely. He definitely wasn't a talker since the beginning, but after a few months of the wedding, he stopped talking altogether. Only spoke when he needed to, ate a little, stopped dying his hair, only smiled when he had to reciprocate, and stopped living it felt like.
A certain familiar voice made Jimin and Rosenow look up and petrify. "Taehyung," the lady managed to break the slicing silence after a jiffy and Taehyung flashed a small smile at her before his eyes moved to her very pregnant belly.
"Rosenow," Taehyung walked slowly towards their table and put her hand over the lady's shoulder to prevent her from getting up as he leaned down and pecked her cheek. "Congratulations."
"Thank you," Rosenow desperately looked between the two ex-best friends, wanting her husband to take the lead, but Jimin couldn't say a word. "Join us. Are you here with someone?" She offered at last.
"Yes, sweetheart. I am actually with a friend and I won't want to disturb a little family time." Taehyung answered politely and looked briefly at Jimin.
"It's completely fine by us if you don't mind. Tell him, Jimin." She wanted the two to reconcile and hadn't a clue that the wounds between them were deeper than they looked.
"Yeah, if your friend doesn't mind." Jimin smiled vaguely.
Taehyung straightened up and sighed voicelessly. "I am sorry, sweetheart. Perhaps some other time. He is a business associate anyway."
Rosenow nodded, her face paled a little more. "Okay," she spoke in a dejected voice. "Visit home. The little one would want an uncle when the time comes." She teared up a little and Taehyung's chest felt a pang of underlying pain. The better half or the other half as the world called it was true after all. It was never Rosenow's fault in anything that has ever happened, but everyone ended up punishing her along with Jimin.
"I will not let my little champ be uncle less. Don't you dare think that way," Taehyung pulled out his card as he leaned again to kiss her cheek, and securely placed it in her hand. "It's my personal number. Give me a call any time you need a friend."
Rosenow kissed him back and Jimin saw Taehyung taking a table by the open balcony. In a few minutes, a man walked in. Tall, muscular, and handsome. Jimin saw his dimples as he smiled and how comfortable his friend looked with him.
He can't be his boyfriend because the tall one looks like an alpha male to me. Jimin thought. Totally not Taehyung's type. He smiled at his deduction. Or maybe he is his type, he has changed so much. Maybe he wants an alpha male now.
"You should have tried better than that," Rosenow chuckled softly as she discerned the faint smile in Jimin's eyes, the fondness with which he looked at Taehyung.
"He hates me. What's the point?" Jimin chuckled too, tearing his eyes away from Taehyung and directing them at his wife.
"No, he doesn't. You two need to talk it out. That's all," Rosenow proclaimed, not knowing that they have talked over the years for times more than she knew of. Every time made it worse than before.
"We should head out."
Rosenow nodded.
Clearing the bill, they drove back home, not before waving at Taehyung. "He asked his friend to look at you. He was talking about you."
"No, Rose... He wasn't." Jimin chuckled.
"He totally did. Why else would that man look at you and then back at Taehyung and back at you before giving the fishy smile to Tae?" Rosenow argued and Jimin helped her out of the car.
"You are thinking way too much when you should be relaxing," Jimin held her hand and began to walk inside their private bungalow. "Do you want to take a trip, honey? A relaxing one with spa and shit." Jimin asked suddenly as an idea came to his mind.
"Alone?" Rosenow asked, her hair shining brightly under the sunlight before they stepped indoors.
"Why not? This seems like a perfect time. Our baby is due in the next month. I can drive you there and we haven't really been looking eye to eye." Jimin turned her around by holding her shoulders. "You will get some alone time."
"Why aren't we?" Rosenow looked up into Jimin's eyes with a sad look.
Jimin made her sit on the couch and brought warm almond milk before sitting by her feet. Slowly, he took off his burgundy blazer and placed it over the lady's knees as she moaned in comfort. "Your father already has an upper hand on me, honey," Jimin spoke in the lowest tone, but sternly. Before Rosenow could retaliate, he silenced her. "I never wanted favor and I didn't know what I wanted to do. When he persuaded me that it would be good for us and our future, I couldn't say anything to him. But you need to understand that there is a price that we pay. Nothing is free."
Rosenow gulped the milk down and patiently listened to her husband.
"I am not against your father or the idea of accepting help from family. But it should be a two-way street. If I only take and he only gives, I cannot help but feel pressed under the weight, and one day, it will recoil. I can't bear to hear that he did so much for me and I am not doing something he wants."
"But he is asking you to take over his hospital. What wrong could go in that?" Rosenow's pleading made Jimin want to hug her and keep her close.
"Many things, dear. Your brother would hate me if I did. I have no experience of running a hospital."
"You have no experience in corporate too, or an art gallery you are going to buy," Rose argued, her heart broke, thinking that Jimin still had his reservations, even after years of marriage.
"The corporate is something which is in my blood. I have seen my father doing it since I was born. The hospital is still a hospital. So what if I am not going to be a front-liner in your father's hospital? I will be managing my own hospital. It doesn't matter if it's not as big as your father's. I will be happy to take care of my own place. And I am not stopping my practice," Jimin shook his head with the softest eyes. "I will still operate, but not like before. I will be there to help other doctors in an emergency but I want to look into hospital management now and take a back seat. It will be a new experience and I am sure I will be able to help out the medical practitioners more with my position. And the art gallery is just something I want to do for my passion. It has nothing to do with your father."
Rosenow still didn't think that leaving the practice and accepting the white-collar job was a good idea. After all, Jimin was a brilliant cardiologist. She didn't want his experience to go to waste. But at the end of the day, she knew she would support her husband in any of his decisions.
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16 Jan, 2022
Chapter Text
By the time I and Ulrich reached the island, it felt to me he was already someone I felt happy with. We shared many stories about our culture, festivals, and food. I even invited him to Korea on the first break we would get. I have always been a big believer in destiny. He became my friend and wasn't anything less. I was extremely excited about this stint.
The island was a bit cold and I was happy that I at least packed a few winter wears that my mother had bought for me. We stalked towards the campsite that was a few kilometers from the homestay we had booked. Actually, Ulrich had booked. "Do you want to dump our camping gear first?" Ulrich asked.
"And then go to the resort? Won't it get stolen if we leave it like this?" I asked, trying to read the struggle on his face.
"I am tired," he huffed out and shook his head. "I can't carry these. Besides, no one will touch the gear. At least not the big ones." He mumbled the last sentence.
"Okay, we leave one tent and I will carry your gear. If one gets stolen, at least we will have one to share."
"Thank you, Jung kook." He hugged me, feigning gratefulness.
He played around with my name all this while. We walked to our resort. It was a decent place. My whole life, I'd been living in luxurious hotels in every new city I visited, so I never experienced anything else. This was finally the time I saw everything in life. There were many resorts lined up alongside ours, all facing a common beach. The sun was up, lighting up everything in its sight. I felt calm as I breathed in the salty air.
After walking from the campsite to the resort, I was sweating a little so I took off my windbreaker as I got inside the room. "Are we sharing?" I asked Ulrich as I looked back at him conveying his luggage.
"Would you rather pay the double amount for not staying here at all? We will camp anyway."
I nodded. He was right. We were also going to share the dormitory so it wasn't a big deal. I didn't need my own room. "Let's go grab a beer and something to eat. We will then move to the campsite." Ulrich propositioned.
We freshened up quickly, changing into the shirts and Bermudas with our floaters. I let Ulrich pay for the meal. I wanted to pay for everything, but I didn't want him to know I was loaded yet. I didn't need one more friend that was with me for my money.
"I will pay back my share," I told Ulrich.
He chuckled. "We are going to stay together for six years. Let's not keep track of the expenses like this."
"On the contrary, I will pay you every single penny on our last day. Watch me." I grinned back at him. I was tipsier than him. I haven't drunk much in my life before, but it was going to change.
T he island was the hotspot for water sports. We decided to take the water route instead of going to the campsite on foot. Everything about our plan was impromptu. We didn't know what we were going to do in the next hour, but we just went with whatever popped up in our minds.
As we boarded the ferry, I felt the surrealism of nature. It spoke to me silently and I closed my eyes at the dock, holding the metallic barricade.
"Yah! Jimin-ah!" I heard someone yell and my eyes fell open.
There was a sound of running footsteps behind me as I presumed two people tried to tackle each other and when I whipped my neck around, I found the same pink-haired male from earlier in the morning sitting on top of another male. My eyes didn't tear away as much as I wanted them to. I panicked a little as my heart thudded inside my chest. Two times in a day wasn't a coincidence. It was destiny.
"Jimin sir, Taehyung sir," Ulrich greeted the two males.
It was the moment I suddenly went on an overdrive. 'The same Jimin who tutored Ulrich and is dating his cousin?'
"Hey, Ulrich!" The man laying on the ferry floor waved at Ulrich. I now took notice of him for the first time. He was a very handsome man, but I couldn't ask my eyes to stay on him for long as they decided to turn to Jimin.
"What are you doing here?" Jimin suddenly stood up and narrowed his eyes at Ulrich.
"I am doing what you are doing," Ulrich grinned and I could tell Jimin wasn't amused by his response. "Come on, sir! You know that there is nothing happening for three weeks. And I have prepared well, so don't worry. I will catch up by the time classes start."
Ulrich was a bit fearful of Jimin, who in all honesty, looked almost territorial. His giggling with Taehyung Hyung was now completely replaced by a confident stare. If Ulrich didn't introduce me, I was about to do it on my own. Thankfully, Ulrich held out his hand towards me and the two men looked at me simultaneously. "He is Jeon Jung Kook. My dormmate."
"Hello, I am Jeongguk from Busan." I introduced myself in Korean, looking between Jimin and Taehyung Hyung. While the latter had a beaming smile on his face, Jimin made me feel I wasn't welcome.
"Hey, Jungkook. It's nice to see you again." Taehyung Hyung chirped and I took notice of the words. 'Did he and Jimin see me in the morning?'
"Weshalb hast du dich dazu entschieden, nach Deutschland zu kommen?" Jimin suddenly asked me.
(Why did you choose to come to Germany?)
I assumed it was in regard to my study. "I wanted to study anywhere but Korea," I replied in Korean with dialect. My throat was going dry, but I had to keep my composure in front of his scrutinizing eyes. I felt like I'd pass out if he didn't stop his eye-locking stare.
"Aber warum... Deutschland?" As he asked his next question, I found myself scoffing and poking my tongue into my cheek, a habit I have whenever I try to keep my anger in check. He was testing my language skills and I loved taking on challenges.
(But why Germany?)
"Darf ich dich etwas fragen? Glaubst du an Schicksal?" I asked him instead, thankfully, I didn't have to think of words before speaking and I was quite satisfied with my performance. Ulrich and Taehyung Hyung were both uncomfortable at this point.
(can I ask you a question? Do you believe in destiny?)
"Ich denke, dass wir alles schaffen können, was wir wollen. Aber gleichzeitig kann es auch sein, dass unser Schicksal vorbestimmt ist." Jimin spoke slowly, taking a step ahead and I stood my ground. It was as though he was searching for something in my eyes, perhaps a fleck of weakness, or reception of his intimidation. His floral cologne stirred my attention a little, but I wasn't going to back down.
(You can create whatever you want, but at the same time, destiny can also be pre-written.)
I smirked and took a step ahead myself, crumbling our personal space and I spotted Ulrich fidgeting in my hindsight."Wenn ich ehrlich bin, kann ich mir irgendwie nicht vorstellen, dass wir unser eigenes Schicksal verändern können. Ich meine, es- es scheint Pläne für uns zu haben. Denn, egal wie sehr wir versuchen davonzurennen, es wird uns einholen, immer."
(if I'm being honest, I kind of can't imagine that we can create our own destiny. I mean, it- it seems like it has plans for us. Because no matter how hard we try to run away, destiny will catch up to us, always.)
He almost smiled and his hair flew with the wind. My pupils shook as they did. The sun was on his face and I was on my way to a fatal attraction. "Enjoy your stay," he whispered in Korean before turning to Taehyung who was skimming around amusedly.
"So... Jungkook," Taehyung Hyung now ambled towards me, and my eyes slowly averted from Jimin to him, not before I caught the pink-haired male widening his eyes at his friend. "Join us for dinner."
I kept the soft smile on my lips as I comprehended that I was annoying Jimin a bit for some reason. When Jimin glanced at me, I directed my attention to Taehyung Hyung and beamed. "Of course!" I chimed in a sweet voice. "We would love to."
Ulrich stood petrified with his wide questioning eyes. "What are you doing?" He mouthed.
"Where are you staying?" I boldly asked Taehyung Hyung.
"In a resort across the beach," Taehyung Hyung replied and I peeked in his pointed direction. The places there looked much better than our side. They must cost more.
"Are you guys going camping, Hyung?" I asked, stealing a glance at Jimin.
Taehyung Hyung stammered, and his mouth which was forming words, trailed off. He turned to examine Jimin but then nervously smiled. Was it how I referred to him as 'Hyung' instead of 'sir' or was it anything else? I couldn't tell.
"We are heading there right now, Jungkook," he smiled beautifully. It looked like he was on the collateral damage control, cleaning up after Jimin. He was being nice to me. "See you there."
We went our separate ways. I stood with Ulrich on one side and Jimin and Taehyung Hyung went to the other side of the ferry. "That was painful to look at," Ulrich remarked as I grabbed a beer from the bar, and kept my gaze on Jimin whose back was facing me. All I could see was a mop of pink from the seat he was at.
"What was?" I asked with a smirk, hearing Jimin laughing while holding hands with a woman I presumed was Ulrich's cousin.
"You do not wanna think of them as one of your own, Jungkook. Everyone here has a group of local friends. It's better if you stay away from them. They don't make Korean friends. Moreover, they never make friends with juniors. We are freshmen. We should know our place."
"Ulrich, Ulrich, Ulrich," I put my palms on my friend's shoulder and breathed, indicating for him to do the same. "Our place is the same as their place. We are literally on the same boat." I didn't know what was I feeling. On any other day, this entire fiasco would have me reeling, but today, I felt dominated by a foreign power.
I stepped down the dock and sat on the seat with my beer. Ulrich sat beside me. "You are the rebel. Aren't you?"
"Ready to eat with rich people?" I winked.
"Let's hope you don't invoke Jimin sir," Ulrich cackled. "And yeah, don't refer to them as Hyung or whatever. They hate it. Just 'sir 'would be fine."
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07 Feb, 2022
Notes:
This story takes place in Germany and Busan. Present in Busan; Past in Germany. Past is written in first person POV and italics. Present is written in sans format with third person POV.
Chapter 6: One mess of a dinner
Chapter Text
Taehyung
"What the hell was that?" I smacked Jimin.
"What? I was just seeing if he could speak basic German." Jimin glared at me with all consideration.
"Please," I wave my hand dismissively. "You were insolent, Jimin. He is just a freshman. You don't need to feel threatened."
"Threatened?" Jimin pulled the most atrocious faces I have ever seen him do. "What could I possibly be threatened of? He is just a kid."
"Your way to talk to a kid was sure snarky." I scoffed.
"It isn't like he was docile too," Jimin chuckled. "I was just speeding up the process. Think about it... If you invited him over for dinner minus the whole insolent Jimin episode, he wouldn't have said yes to the offer. I only made him comfortable with you by acting like a prick. Thank me later when he becomes your boyfriend."
"You do admit it was a bit out of line." I couldn't believe he actually opened his mouth today to spew when he hardly talks to anyone except us.
"Drink," he shoved a beer can over to me and it spilled over my crotch. I couldn't tell what had gotten into Jimin.
We stopped talking when Rosenow ambled towards us and sat beside him. I stood up and walked away slowly. I glanced at Jungkook and a smile formed on my face. Not many stand up to Jimin, but he was after all someone new, perhaps he would change with time too.
Jungkook looked a bit out of it with the way his eyes were hooded and he reminded me a little of myself. When I first moved to Germany, I could drink all I wanted when back at home, I wasn't of legal age to do so.
The ferry was moving slowly and we were almost to the campsite after wandering about the whole island. I was getting dizzy and I didn't know what was happening to me. I felt drawn toward Jungkook. There was a fire in the boy and I knew I couldn't just approach him as I would do with anyone else. He was definitely not gullible.
Soon, we deboarded our ferry and it was getting grey. The weather was pleasant and I stretched my arms to the fullest, feeling the air lapping against my skin, and the fragrance of the flowers swirling in my nostrils. I had a thought to engulf someone in my arms. Typically I have always been a keeping-it-casual kind of guy. But then again, our emotions lose control sometimes. This might have been that one time.
I glanced back at Jungkook and smiled to myself. One by one, we walked away from the shore. I maintained my distance from Hoseok, Anja, Rosenow, and Jimin, wanting to stay in the middle as I was getting to hear his giggles.
Jungkook and Ulrich knew how to have fun. Jimin turned to look at me and the redolence gleam in his eyes got to me. He must be thinking I was looking for a garage to park my stick, but in honesty, was I? I didn't know if being away from the bustle, in the beauty of the city's heart had anything to do with how nonnative my thoughts were. "Are you able to walk or what?!" He yelled and I padded ahead.
We set our three tents. One for the couple, one for Anja, and the last one for myself and Hoseok. I loved Hoseok, but I hated spending time with him. He never got me and I never got him. We were two individuals with nothing in common except our classes. Hoseok has always been the strict one. He always reprimanded me in school. I got stuck with him every time because Jimin would unmistakably stay with Rosenow.
I glanced at Jungkook blasting in his exhilaration as he helped Ulrich set up his tent. They were dawdling more than working. His adolescence was childlike compared to us. We had been taught to be responsible by now, whereas he was just starting to be independent.
I walked over to him and sat on the ground, thinking he'd soon learn."Need my help?" I asked, looking at him and the intoxication in his beautiful big eyes.
"Ja, bitte," he nodded.
(yes, please.)
"Ich entschuldige mich für meinen Freund. Er kann manchmal etwas anstrengend sein." I switched to German as well, taking the bendable rod from his hands.
(I am sorry about my friend. He is sometimes a bit out of it.)
He blinked a few times and then his gaze fixed on me. "Kein Problem! Ich mochte es, mein Deutsch aufbessern zu können." His eyes averted to peek at Jimin who was now resting on the hammock we had nestled on a nearby tree.
(That's quite alright. I rather enjoyed brushing up my German.)
"Wir können auch auf Koreanisch reden, wenn du dich damit wohler fühlst." I said, tracing his gaze at Jimin and chuckled a little. He might think that I'd also be formal with him.
(We can talk in Korean if you aren't comfortable with German.)
"Nein, bitter," Jungkook sighed intrinsically. "Ich habe Spaß."
(No, please... I am having fun.)
"Ok!" I held out my hand to ask for the sheath of the tent and Jungkook handed it over unquestionably. "Welche Art von Leben möchtest leben, Jungkook?"
(Ok...What kind of life do you wish to live, Jungkook?)
"Ich möchte das einfache Leben eines Mannes des achtzehnten Jahrhunderts leben, mit dem Vorzug heutiger Technologie, meinen Liebsten, und Essen. Ich gebe zu, ich bin ein verlorener Romantiker. Ein Mancher würde mich als altmodisch bezeichnen." He replied slowly, tilting his head in a certain way and nodding to affirm that what he meant was what he said.
(I need the simple life of 18th-century men with recent technologies, loved ones, and food. I am an elusive romantic so one might even call me old school.)
"Das ist wirklich interessant." I orchestrated an imagination in my mind of his answer and it was beautiful. "Wenn wir wieder zurück im Studentenheim sind, geh mich suchen. Ich kann dir beim Lernen helfen, wenn du Hilfe brauchst."
(It's really interesting... When we go back to the dorms, find me. I can help you with your studies if you ever need guidance.)
He nodded and I heard Hoseok calling me so I flashed him an obvious smile. "I will be back."
Jimin
I arranged the crockery on a foldable table outside our tents. Everyone came to their turn and picked a set of cutlery before sitting around the table on the ground. I realized we were one set short when Jungkook arrived. I packed everything, even a spare, but the ad hoc dinner invitation caused the insufficiency. I immediately handed my plate to Jungkook.
"We can share," he told me with a glint of inebriety in his eyes.
I smiled back. "You eat comfortably, I will share with Tae." As I began to pick the serving bowls, he did too at the same time, his hand scratched against mine.
I pulled my hand away immediately and squirmed under the intensity with which he was looking at me. It somehow felt wrong when I was the one doing nothing. "Ich weiß nicht, wie ich mich um attraktive Menschen herum verhalten soll." He rasped near my ear and I spun around to skim at everyone on the ground busy laughing. It made my heart pound, but it wasn't a good pounding.
(I don't know how to act around attractive people.)
"Zwischen dem Reiz und seiner Reaktion ist eine Nische. Und in diesen Bruchteilen eines Momentes liegt unsere Freiheit und unsere Macht, sich dafür zu entscheiden, welche Reaktion man seinem Gegenüber zeigen möchte." I said curtly. "Du solltest nachdenken, bevor du redest."
(Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response... You should think before speaking.)
He was taken aback even with his tipsy self and his expression changed. The devil-may-care smile slowly shrunk into nothing before he licked his lips almost nervously with his lashes bowing to the ground and averted his gaze back to me. "I won't apologize for thinking that you are the most beautiful man I've ever laid eyes on."
I didn't know what I wanted at that moment, but I didn't appreciate that a freshman, who was a guest at my dinner, misbehaved with me. He should have known his place as a younger. More so as he was from Korea and I expected him to at least show a little respect.
"I am not hungry," he handed me the plate before turning around and making a beeline to his tent. "Jungkook?" Ulrich called his name from behind and he didn't turn.
Some part of me now felt guilty. When I met him a few hours ago, I felt he was a bit overconfident, and I never thought that narcissists are nice people as they don't care about anyone but themselves. I always cared about people and it's something I valued the most. These were the same disciplines I practiced that were kicking me in the guts and making me feel a certain way to have caused a boy to leave on a hungry stomach. Considering the intrusion and anger I felt for him aside, he was still just a kid.
"He said he isn't hungry," I sat down with an empty plate.
Rosenow looked at me with a quizzical gaze."Why aren't you eating then?"
"I am not hungry either," I took in a shaky breath. I wasn't foreign to the concept of men hitting on me, but this felt almost offensive, as though I was somehow abused in my own territory. "I will go get some air."
I stalked into the darkness. The moonlight glinted in the shadows of the lofty trees and the intense breeze jostled me out of my trance. I realized that my brows were drawn together, my teeth were gritting tightly, my fists were closed and I was evil-eyeing anything in my sight.
Parting my lips, I let my muscles breathe in the air and willed my phalanges open. Everything was alright. 'He was just a drunk kid enjoying the first day in a new city. That's it.'
"Jimin?" Rosenow followed me into the woods and I felt myself smiling.
"What are you doing here?" I pulled her and hugged her into my arms.
"Did something happen with that kid?" She asked, looking at me with concern.
"What? No..." I ridiculously disregarded the reason for her worry. "You know I don't take anything to my head." It wasn't true. I took everything to my head.
"There was something to be taken to head, I presume then?" She smiled, curling her fingers around my shoulders and shaking a little due to the nip in the air.
I hugged her closely. "Not at all."
"Good," she looked up at me to meet my eyes. "Because Taehyung is into him. He asked us to be on our best behavior... Especially... You."
"Especially me?" I began to tickle her and she retreated, dodging me, trying to run away from me as we spun around the trees. "I am the most chivalrous of you all."
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15 Feb, 2022
Chapter 7: Party of seniors
Chapter Text
Jungkook
Today was the day we first attended our classes. The subjects were taught in English, but there was a lot of German used in between the lectures. I guess it was a good thing I made a German friend. Ulrich seemed to be ahead of me in many ways as I knew he was tutored by Jimin. Thinking about him fetched many ever-lasting and embarrassing memories.
On the island, I couldn't bring myself to face the group after our supposed dinner so I left and crashed in our resort. The next day, we left early and visited the tourist attractions. I stumbled upon the group of seniors here and there as we were also visiting the same places, but I did my best to avoid looking at them.
More than anything, I wanted this to be an ephemeral feeling after my interaction with Jimin, but I couldn't get him out of my head for three weeks straight. He was always there in my room when I closed my eyes to sleep.
"Hey," Ulrich stalked up to me and slung his arm around my shoulders. "What are you thinking? Are you good with classes?" He continued to ask. "I can help you if you want."
"You can definitely help me," I thought about how to not make it obvious by asking what I was intending. "What do I have to do to become popular?"
Ulrich squinted his eyes at me suspiciously. "I am not the right person to tell you that as you can see we are the last benchers."
"I can help," we heard a familiar voice and I turned around towards the innocuous offer coming from the man.
"Taehyung Hyung!" I automatically smiled and Ulrich did the same, only he referred to the senior as sir , as everyone in the university did.
I felt disappointed when I didn't see Jimin with him because they were mostly together, but I also felt relieved. I hadn't the courage to face him yet.
"We are having a party tonight, come over. I can introduce you to some people from the sports club and dance club if you are into those things. Popularity picks up quickly from there."
"I didn't mean it in that way," I admonished my own words. "it's just-"
"You don't need to explain anything to me, Jungkook." Hyung chuckled as he trudged toward us. "Let's go get some coffee." He asked, jutting his head towards the direction of the cafeteria after looking at me and Ulrich one by one.
I widened my eyes at Ulrich gleefully. He didn't look the happiest. Now that I thought about it, he always avoided hanging around this group. It could be awkward for him as his cousin was dating Jimin. Almost felt too bad for Ulrich, almost. But I needed to get close to at least one person in the group.
My heart dropped when I found Jimin standing with Hoseok Hyung in front of the coffee machine. His eyes scrutinized my body from toe to head all the while he spoke to his friend and befuddled me. My fragile condition was worsening, but I have never been so thankful for girls hitting on me as I did at that moment.
A few of classmates were standing in the cafeteria and they waved at me. I ludicrously sauntered towards them, ignoring the group of seniors, but gripping Ulrich's hand as he got dragged behind me with a hiss. Poor Ulrich.
"You guys sit on the last bench, isn't it?" One of the girls asked, and I found Jimin's neck craning towards me as he shot a ridiculed glare for a moment.
"Yeah," I scratched my neck, regretting my decision to talk to them one second too late.
"Have you guys registered for the swimming? We do it in pairs. We can do it together." One of the girls asked me, and I smirked to myself.
"Sure, I and Ulrich will both register," Ulrich gave me a murderous look. "Where do we sign up?" I ignored my friend royally for now.
"I am the one who is given the responsibility to monitor the swimming club," One girl giggled, blushing as she boasted about her authority.
I knew Taehyung Hyung was at least paying attention to our conversation as the three had stopped talking altogether.
"What about the gym, Jungkook? You were going to sign up for the gym." Ulrich reminded me so I would back off. The girls questioningly looked at me.
"I can't skip the gym," I grinned, making it clear to them.
"It will work," The girl said before her friends spoke anything, and by the looks on their faces, they were about to.
"Gym is dirty. Why would anyone wanna go in the room with men sweating so much?" One girl rebuked.
"Well, for starters, you can't pee in that room filled with sweaty men, unlike your pool." I heard the senior suddenly splutter out cackling. I waited for everyone to subside as I wanted my next words to be heard. "And second, the sweaty musk of males is addicting."
At this point, Jimin put his coffee disposable glass into the trash can and hopped out of the cafeteria.
The girl who commented on the gym wasn't amused by my response so she grabbed her friends' hands and began to pull them away. Hoseok Hyung was paying when Taehyung Hyung filed toward me. "The offer still stands. Find me at eight in the evening and wear something dark. Black preferred." I was too repressed to ask anything and I only nodded. "Dorm number A-1"
**
I threw so many outfits on the floor that Ulrich made a comfortable chair out of the pile as he hopped on top of it. "Why are we even going to this party? You know, people are going to get jealous."
"Who cares?" I asked as I hoisted yet another black silk blouse from my cupboard.
"You don't get it. They will get really jealous. No freshman hangs around seniors, dude. You have to understand."
I groaned in frustration as I couldn't find remotely slutty enough to impress a man who might or might not be into other men."While I am elated at the generous warning, I don't care."
"Can I ask you something? You can deny answering if I am overbearing, okay?" Ulrich put the packet of seaweed snacks I brought from home. He finished most of them as I twirled around to give him my attention.
"Do you like Taehyung?" He asked, slowly slopping down from the pile, getting away from me as far as he could in the confined space.
If he asked me this question, it meant that he understood that I was into men and he had no issues with it, and, he had it all wrong. I like the guy his cousin was dating. "Yeah." I huffed out. "Definitely him. Crazy about him."
"Hpm," he raised an impressed brow as he tilted his head to consider a few things before looking back at me. "Nice! If I was a girl or not straight, I would have gone for him too."
"What about Jimin?" I blurted out ludicrously.
He shook his head with a disgusted face. "He is dating my sister!" Yelling, he ran to the bathroom and tried to puke. "Why would you put that image in my head?" He hollered from there.
**
"Are you sure you want to do this? We aren't allowed outside. If any senior saw us, they wouldn't hesitate to out us to the faculty. The dean is a ruddy bastard." Ulrich forewarned me in a constant whisper as he crouched low behind me while we made our way toward the seniors' dormitories.
"You should've been born a chicken," I shrugged his hands off of my back for the nth time and he gripped me right after. I rolled my eyes as I stopped in the middle.
"Do you want to get caught here and penalized or do you want to have some fun?"
"Fine," he stood up, his lips pouted as he tucked his auburn hair behind his ears. "Lead the way."
We sprinted thereafter. Just as we entered the seniors' dormitory gate, we found half-naked seniors basking in the air with their books, some with their phones. They didn't give a shit about us, that was until we walked closer and their nostrils flared at the strong cologne I was wearing.
"Freshmen?" A boy asked me and I knew Ulrich might or might not have peed his pants.
"Yeah," I tried to expel out the words in a much heavier voice to sound as manly as possible.
"You aren't allowed in."
"Says who?" I shrugged my shoulder to push Ulrich's hand digging his nails in my skin.
The boy smirked, stepping closer with intimidation. I held my feet and stared back at him.
"Jungkook?" I heard Jimin's astounding voice and the boy craned his neck around to look at the senior coming our way. "Andre, they are good." He told the boy who nodded and padded his filthy gaze all over us without another word.
"What are you two doing here?" Jimin whispered, scolding us in his low tone just as he approached us and Andre backed off.
"We are here for the party," I spoke without lowering my voice. "Taehyung Hyung invited us."
Ulrich only dipped his head down and let me deal with the chiding and angry, beautiful man. I looked at him from the corner of my eyes as Jimin's demeanor shifted to kind. Taking both our hands in his palm, he dragged us inside the building and left our wrists the moment we entered the hallway similar to our dorms, only it was much more spacious and smelled heavenly.
"You shouldn't be roaming around at night. If words get out, you will get expelled."
I dipped my head down and Ulrich mirrored me as we pouted together in mock innocence. Jimin sighed, making his hand rake through his hair defeatedly. "Get in," he nudged us into his room.
I shared an exciting look with Ulrich before entering. This room was bigger than our shared room and there was only one bed inside. The place was very organized with no mess to find. It smelled like Jimin I didn't want to go to any party anymore and just stay there with the man, minus Ulrich.
"Do you guys want anything to drink?" Jimin asked, picking up one physiology book that was on his bed as he gestured for us to sit on the recliner chairs. I nodded my head while Ulrich shook it.
"Help yourselves," he pointed at a mini-fridge placed under the window. "I will go bring Taehyung."
I immediately got up from my chair while Ulrich kept his sacred eyes doted on walls and then they averted on me when I jumped on Jimin's bed. Spreading my limbs like a starfish, tucking my mouth into his pillows, I sniffed deeply.
"You are a creep!" Ulrich yelled and I just sighed with a soft smile and closed my eyes.
"Nah, he is going to be mine," I mumbled to myself and got up to check around. Just when I dug my hand into the bedside drawer, condoms came into contact and I frowned madly.
"Ulrich," I turned to gawk at my friend, hiding my hand behind my back. "Please tell me that girls aren't allowed inside here too."
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21 Feb, 2022
Chapter 8: The status change
Chapter Text
Jimin rushed behind the podium on an elevated stage as he was late and the inauguration ceremony had already been delayed. Just as he gave his go-ahead to the lady, she pulled open the veil and a few camera flashes went on. He grabbed the mic from the podium as he stood in the middle of an art gallery. "Thank you for coming, everyone. I am super excited to share the poster of one of my friends' artwork called farewell. This was a piece in a contemporary virtual gallery that was an ode to migrants and their footprints that lay scattered across the world."
A few art collectors stalked forward to take a better look at the piece. Jimin stepped away from the podium after putting the mic down. "Mr. Park," an art collector padded towards him, picking a champagne glass from the tray. "My name is Lee Minsoo. I had to ask. Do you draw or paint?"
Jimin smiled briefly and gratefully before shaking his head. "I am not that good, Ms. Lee, but sometimes I do to relax."
"You have a good eye for detail," the lady apprised, raising her glass a little. "What do you say we fix a meeting with you tonight and talk about...farewell."
Jimin's brows twitched momentarily. "I am sorry, but this piece isn't for sale. I am sure we will have many that will attract your eye. I want this to be in here for some time. Where are you based?"
"Fair enough," the lady chuckled. "I work for my client who is based in Korea, and he is a hotelier. But his new project is in Abu Dhabi. I am specifically looking after this particular property."
Jimin stopped a waiter and picked a champagne glass from the tray before he began walking with the noblewoman. "What exactly made you want this?"
"The exhibition's theme of migration resonates with the values that the painter and the village they must have been brought up in, and their vision," Minsoo explained, trying to get a word out of Jimin as well.
"Actually it is done by my younger brother and he never lived in a village," Jimin answered lowly and Minsoo raised an impressed brow at Jimin.
His phone began to buzz and he excused himself from Ms. Lee, who had no problem going and looking around the exhibition at many other paintings in the newly opened art gallery.
With a smile, Jimin clicked on the green icon to talk to his wife. "Rose-"
"Jimin, I am in labor." The lady huffed out, controlling her labored breaths.
**
"A few more minutes," Jimin coaxed, hearing the quickened breath of the woman and glancing at her to see her body oozing sweat. She held onto his palm as he controlled the car with one hand. He couldn't go fast, knowing that could hurt her, and going slow made him want to explode in anxiety.
His baby was coming, and it might give him something to hold onto after dangling in the reality of a cruel life.
As he reached the hospital, he began to get Rosenow out of the car, but to his chagrin, Taehyung bounded towards them and held Rosenow's hands. Jimin's head cocked up momentarily, but he didn't think the need for small talk in the situation. They carried her to the wheelchair and then Jimin wheeled her inside, letting Taehyung trail behind.
"Dr. Kang, I am here for Dr. Kang," Jimin precipitously asked the nurse and she rushed to get the doctor. This hospital was his friend's, and so Jimin trusted the place to be the one to bring his baby into the world.
Taehyung's phone was buzzing and he peeked at Namjoon's name, letting his heart jump to his throat. The man was a private investigator that he had hired, and getting a call from him meant that things either were going to go downhill or his way. But he had to wait as he rubbed Rosenow's head, looking at Jimin running hither and tither to arrange the things.
When Jimin padded back and leaned to peck Rosenow's lips, Taehyung stepped back a bit, immediately dialing Namjoon back.
"Our baby is coming," Jimin was teary-eyed as he wiped Rosenow's tears, kissing her head. "I will stay beside you at all times."
Rosenow nodded, pursing her lips to stifle the painful moans.
Taehyung waited for the man to answer as he returned the call, and the moment he heard the ring stop, he spoke. "Hello, is everything fine?"
Namjoon chuckled at the other end, making Taehyung more and more anxious by the second. "I found him."
Taehyung felt everything around him turn silent for a moment as he stood there in the realization that he finally found Jungkook... After so many years. "Where is he?" He asked, his lips quivering and his palms turning clammy on this promising morning, feeling himself sitting in a dream-like stance.
When he was done talking, he spotted Dr. Kang leading Rosenow inside the operation ward. Stifling the croon against his lips with eyes liquid, he hopped back to get to Rose. Jimin and he shared a moment of eye contact before the couple disappeared behind the ward door.
Taehyung sat down on the chair outside, taking out his phone and buying flight tickets to Neoviva. He had no plan, but he knew that he couldn't stay here for a moment knowing that Jungkook had been found.
He sat there for hours, watching Jimin come out and run back with prescription medicines. He wanted to stop him and tell him to stay with Rose, and that he could run the errands, but his heart wasn't in his control.
In a few hours, he finally managed to calm his thoughts, but the delivery was ongoing and Jimin hadn't come out in at least an hour. He teetered on his chair, his hand trying to get a hold of the mobile phone he carried, but he couldn't unlock it.
After another half an hour, Jimin walked out of the ward, his face completely red and so were his eyes. He stood there in front of his former best friend. Seeing Jimin, Taehyung stood up from his chair, curving his brows in anticipation of the news. "It's a boy."
On confirmation, Taehyung heaved a sigh of contentment and relief. His tears cascaded down to his cheeks with overwhelming emotions. The two almost hugged each other, almost, but then they carried the semblance and retreated. "Do you need anything? A pair of clothes for change? Anything for the little one before I can meet him? I'll go grab them."
Jimin nodded. "Rose needs her camera if you could." His voice was soft and scratchy. Taehyung was seeing Jimin's shaky legs and he didn't hesitate to sit him down on the chair.
Jimin now breathed deeply, twice, thrice, and more. "Congratulations," Taehyung patted his shoulder and the man held the palm of his former friend, nodding and sniffling, unable to speak.
Taehyung decided to sit with Jimin for a bit and make sure he was okay before running. Placing the phone on the chair, he looked away. Jimin's eyes fell on the old-looking device. He remembered its golden body from his university days. It was chipped in many places, and the leather cover had tears and shreds in it with the folds.
It reminded him of everything. Every time he saw Taehyung, it reminded him of everything too. It wasn't easy to unlive a part of the life he had already lived.
Taehyung grabbed the phone and put it aside, but while doing so, his finger touched the home button, bringing the device to life.
Jimin's eyes fell on the chat room app they used back in Germany. From Lachibolala to Peori, at times, the chat room was renamed Niagara Po Po... But the last where the things turned quiet was Serendipity. He wondered if people still used it. He had forgotten all about it. They had started it when they were in the fourth year of Uni. With time, people moved on, changed their phones, and uninstalled their apps, but not Taehyung. He had apparently kept it on his phone for eight years.
After sitting silently for minutes, Taehyung left, taking the house keys from Jimin. He returned to the ward where his wife and his baby were lying. His instinct was to check up on the infant first. His lips immediately flitted into a smile as his hand played gently with the soft skin of the boy, who was in his sleep. His heart was filled with so many emotions. He wanted to name the boy, to play with him, to see him grow up, to see him go to his school and university, and then live his happiest life. In just a flash, he wanted all of those things for the boy who had only learned to breathe.
When he looked down at Rosenow, all the emotions calmed in him. He felt an immense sense of care for her, and he looked at her as his responsibility, but other than that, he couldn't feel love. He couldn't feel his heart beating for her, he couldn't feel himself wanting to be with her because he wanted to, but he needed to. She was the mother of his child, so he decided he would do anything for her.
She and the baby needed rest, and as much as Jimin wanted the two to open their eyes, he let them rest and sat on the couch beside the bed after placing his head on the back. He also closed his eyes and realized that underneath all the joy in his heart, there was an unsettling feeling.
It reminded him of that app. He looked at the two most important people in his life, and then back at his phone. He needed to do this. He needed to know. He was quick to download the app and was staring at it silently. His heart lurched when the user JK's status showed green for a split second before it turned yellow and his name turned completely colorless, his picture disappeared too. The picture that the boy had on his profile from years.
Eddy in the waves of guilt, Jimin watched as Taehyung strode into the ward, and with the jut of his chin, he indicated at the latter to come inside.
Rosenow's eyes opened for a bit, and she smiled at the two. They both walked toward her and held her hands from either side of the bed. "Is he asleep?" She asked.
"Yeah," Jimin nodded, kissing her head quickly. "You should get some more rest. I'll be right here when you wake up."
"Picture," the lady said softly. "Tae, can you take a picture of us?"
Taehyung grinned, immediately walking back while pointing the black camera at the family.
Jimin had cocooned the boy into his arms and smiled softly. His eyes looked tired, although the joy of holding his boy was concealing it, not from Taehyung.
After the newly born and his mother went back to sleep, Jimin walked out of the ward with Taehyung. "See you soon, Jimin. Hopefully, once I am back from Neoviva," the man said, without looking into Jimin's eyes.
Jimin's eyes crossed with something for a moment, and Taehyung took notice of it immediately. "Did - did you find... Him?"
"Stay away, Jimin," Taehyung warned challengingly. "I am not letting him die because of you this time."
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29 Sep, 2022
Chapter 9: Inviting Embarrassment Lingers
Chapter Text
Jungkook
I sniffed the faint fragrance wafting off Jimin's bed. The notes of Tonka beans with Dahlia — it was mesmerizing. "What is this?" I cocked my head at Ulrich, who was inching closer to a Chinese good luck charm on his table.
"Don't snoop!"
He looked at me with a bewildered look. "You were the one who found condoms."
The irony wasn't lost on me. We both panicked at the same time when we heard the footsteps. I caressed my satin black shirt to crease it out and Taehyung Hyung walked in. My hands were behind my ears as I tucked away some hair. They stopped when my eyes took in the smiling man. "You've made it."
Gulping my throat, I followed him out immediately when he ushered us towards a door. On the other side were stairs. We followed him silently. He was much easier to talk to. I thought if I was ever on the verge of failing, I'd definitely talk to him. "Where are we going?" I asked, hearing only three sets of footsteps as we descended stairs by stairs.
"You'll see."
Before we knew it, we were outside the campus, looking at the big gate and a building standing proudly in the dark. Fear was creeping into my nerves too, but looking at Ulrich, I had to pretend like it wasn't bothering me.
"Get in, Jungkook," he opened the car door for me, and I realized that I was staring at the university. Snapping out of it, I jumped inside the car when another realization dawned on me. This was an expensive vehicle.
Ulrich had sat on the front passenger seat, his tenuous grasp on emotions wasn't exactly an enigma. His eyes were wide and he looked adorable. "So," I spoke, stretching my arms on the spacious, long backseat when the car started moving. I had two options. To worry that we might get caught, or to forget about the first option to enjoy the night. "Is this your car?"
"Don't be silly," Taehyung Hyung rasped, focusing on the road and driving fast. His tone brought my head back from the clouds. The authority and the supremacy that came from being a senior were insurmountable. I also couldn't wait to speak in the same manner as him with my juniors three years down the line.
Shutting my mouth and glancing at Ulrich in the rearview mirror, I found him smirking. "Where's Jimin, sir?" He asked, turning to Taehyung Hyung.
"He already left."
Hyung answered with the same grumble in his voice that told us not to disturb him for the rest of the ride.
**
The moment the door to the bungalow was opened, I heard howls and shrieks of ecstasy and fun. It was a two-story building in the military cantonment, entirely white and with tinted windows. Judging by the glass, I reckoned that these were soundproof doors.
Taehyung Hyung continued to walk, but he had a little grasp on my sleeve, which told me to follow him.
A few students waved at him and a few stopped him to exchange a few words. I had Ulrich's hand in my clammy palm. All I could do was look around until he pulled me ahead, his hand resting on my back. "He is Jungkook."
He was introducing me to a man with auburn hair. He had a muscular build and I couldn't help but adore his body. I wanted to know what he was drinking because no one had built muscles like that by glugging alcohol in the evenings. "Hi," he extended his arm to me and I grabbed it, feeling the cool condensation from the drink he was holding earlier that he had shifted to his other hand. "I am Wolfgang."
I wanted to chuckle at his name, but I stifled my lips. "He is a junior. He is interested in Sports." Taehyung Hyung spoke for my cause.
"Oh really?" His eyes twinkled genuinely as they scanned me from top to bottom. I wish I had worn a more muscular fit. But then again, I wanted to look pretty for the pink-haired man tonight, hence the satin.
"Yeah, I have played basketball back at home and I am good with anything I guess."
He guffawed. "We do require three fellows in our sports club. Where do you stand on soccer?"
"Any damn place." I giggled.
"Baseball?"
I gestured by throwing a make-believe ball in the air.
He chuckled again, softly. His voice and his attitude weren't hiding that he was an alpha male, probably the head of the sports club. "Why don't you swing by and I'll introduce you to the team at school? It will be hard to make them listen to me now." He said, looking around at the obviously drunk bunch.
"Thank you, I will." I nodded happily, feeling a burst of joy in my heart. Staying alone in the dorm, daydreaming about Jimin, and asking questions about him with my roommate was charming, but the idea of getting out there to actually win the man pumped me with heaps of adrenaline.
Now that my baby step towards my popularity was afoot, I needed to find Jimin.
Hyung lurked towards the bar, making us drag along. Ulrich spotted someone he knew, so he turned and started conversing with him in German. I, on the other hand, leaned at the counter.
Taehyung Hyung chuckled at me. I was probably behaving like a child. It was the same kind of laugh that my Grandma had for me. "What do you want?" He asked, pouring himself from a bottle that looked like it must weigh at least five kilos.
"Do they have a beer?" I asked.
"Sorry, bud. No beer here," he slid the glass he had poured for himself toward me. My hands which were propped on the bar were now pulled away. I held the glass, looking at the amber liquid. "It's premium scotch. Try and tell me if you like it."
"Is this your poison?" I asked, staring at the glass, pulling it closer to see it refract the lights.
"It is actually Jimin's favorite-"
And I gulped a significantly large sip, barely controlling the bile that rose through my stomach.
"Woah, Woah!" Hyung's hands were in the air. "Easy there, champion."
I nodded, hissing and sucking my teeth, but on the bright side, I knew what I needed to do. "Get me drunk," I asked Hyung.
"Get as much drunk as you want. I am here."
Taehyung Hyung's smile was assuring, something warm about it, and his eyes were dazed. I felt safe around him.
We started drinking together. I had my two, Ulrich had half, and Hyung was on his third when I began to feel light-headed. It was my first strong drink. "Tell me, Hyung. What do you guys play?" I knew I was trying my best to not sound like a drunk, but hearing Ulrich giggle and Taehyung Hyung's funny expressions directed at me, I knew I wasn't fooling anyone.
"Let's see," he pulled out his phone and did something on it before locking it again. "I play football . Jimin is into a dancing club. Actually, he founded it. Hoseok is also with Jimin and he sometimes plays Tennis. Anja is in the swimming club and Rose is a walking event manager. You'll see when we have yearly events. She takes care of arranging them all."
Surprisingly, I heard everyone's hobby with interest. I was enjoying Taehyung Hyung's company too, but not after I spotted a mop of pink sliding through the crowd. "Excuse me," I swayed and stopped, shaking my head to see straight.
Taehyung Hyung's hand held me, but I shrugged him with ease. "I'll just come back from the loo."
"Need help?" Ulrich grabbed my hand and I glared at him.
"What am I? 13?"
He pushed me after like a rag doll.
My heartbeat was unwary as I walked to the hall and then grabbed the balustrade to climb up, where I had seen Jimin going. My feet were air as I practically flew up, my heart banging in my ears. He had slid behind one of the doors and I bolted right after him.
He turned to me the moment he sensed my presence. "Anja-"
I gulped, hearing another woman's name on his lips, but the liquid courage was real as it took me straight to him. He cowered a little and I grabbed his shoulders. His hand dropped what looked like a pack of condoms before he gripped my waist. "Hey, are you okay?" He asked, now using all his might to hold my imbalanced body.
"Jimin, I-"
"Where is Taehyung?" That was what he asked after cutting me off.
"I wanted to speak to you for a moment." I urged. He had put me on the bed and I looked up at him carding his hands through those silk tresses. His face was flushed and I smiled. "Do you think you can tutor me too?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because I don't have enough time."
"But you tutor Ulrich on a weekly basis."
"I help him with his doubts. I don't tutor him anymore," he hissed. "Why don't you ask Tae to tutor you? He'll be happy to help."
I ignored how desperately and dedicatedly he was bringing Taehyung into the conversation. "Do you play anything outdoors?" I asked him, ignoring how edgy he was. He looked annoyed and this was all backfiring. I wanted him to like me and he looked revolted. "Would you mind grabbing a few drinks with me and my friends...show me around?" My tongue didn't stop moving.
He had that spiked look, clearly communicating to me that he knew what was going on here. His mouth would open and he would breathe, repeating it multiple times. "Listen to me, Jungkook," he finally chose to handle the situation calmly as he sat beside me. "You are a teenager. You can find many others to go to parties with and make friends with. Taehyung told me to be nice to you, so I am going to act like this never happened in this room-"
"What happened in this room?"
We whipped our heads when we turned to see Rosenow . The beautiful bitch I came to hate so much that I wanted her to evaporate. Perfect little thing she was. Intelligent, pretty, good hair, great body, very feminine and elegant. I could be all those things for Jimin.
I smirked at Jimin when he looked taken aback and immediately stood up. Instead of doing a sane thing, I tucked my hands under my head and fell back on the bed, closing my lids.
"Nothing happened between us." Jimin's voice was squeaky and high-pitched.
I chuckled in a rasp, staying there.
"Is he fine?" I heard her voice.
"I don't think so. I'll go find Taehyung." Jimin spoke next.
"No!" She intoned, "I- I will go look for him. You stay with him."
Yeah, you slut. Get the fuck off. I thought.
I had completely and utterly embarrassed myself, but it wasn't fitting in my head until then. When my lust-filled eyes were drunk in Jimin's frame, he had anger and pity toward me, the two things I never wanted to see in him for me. The cornerstone of my sentiments was shaking and I found my eyes bowing down in shame even when I was drunk.
What have I done?
≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾
8 Nov, 2022
Chapter 10: Why not the other man?
Chapter Text
Jimin couldn't get rid of those words even when he tried. He had a newborn child and his wife was healthy, yet the unsettling emotions and dominant guilt still drove him. He smiled and ate, took care of his life partner, and joked, but everything seemed like a chore.
Rosenow was soon released from the hospital post-delivery and the three were currently at their bungalow. He had taken full-time parental leave and was at home for the following month. After the woman lay in bed, he walked out and gingerly shut the bedroom door behind him.
In his magenta silk robes and slippers, he was ready for bed, but like the whole week, he couldn't close his eyes. Waltzing into his library, he picked a neurobiology book and poured himself premium scotch — his friend since he learned to drink.
He settled on a chair and took one sip. His head hurt and the words on the pages looked too small to focus. To his discredit, he hadn't turned on the reading lights.
I am not letting him die because of you this time.
The haunting words slapped him again. All the six years he was trying to find Jungkook, the thought did cross his mind a few times, but he was too much of a coward to conclude that he could deal with the boy's death on his conscience, so he disregarded it meticulously, every single time. "I love her. I love her." He rasped, head falling back and eyes closed as he carded his hair and tugged at the roots.
He pulled out his phone from his robe pocket and twiddled with his father's contact number. His thumb hovered right on top of her name, but he couldn't make the call. He couldn't leave his 7-day-old baby boy with his bedridden wife. Could he?
I am not letting him die because of you this time.
Gripping the glass, he bottomed it out, his chest rising and falling frantically in the shackles of his responsibilities. All he wanted was to efface the pin-prick in his heart, make it ineffective, but he didn't know how to.
He lurched on his phone again and unlocked it to go on the travel site. His thumbs automatically typed 'flights from Korea to Neoviva' before he could realize it, and then he threw the device back on the table.
The more time he stayed home, the less likely it was for him to find Jungkook. He was sure that Taehyung would rather disfigure him than let him see Jungkook ever again.
When his phone vibrated, he saw Taehyung's name flashing in his blurry vision. With a need like breathing oxygen, he charged at the device, ignoring how his fingers trembled with the spike in his heart rate. "Hello."
"Fuck you, JIMIN! FUCK YOU!" Taehyung bellowed from the other side of the phone.
"What did you mean when you said I am not letting him die because of you this time?"
"Didn't you hear me?" Taehyung repeated, his voice full of disdain. He never called him in years, and when he had now, Jimin felt immune to the hate that he anticipated. All he needed was an answer. "FUCK YOU! I REGRET I WAS EVER FRIENDS WITH YOU! I- I won't forgive you." The man's breath hitched.
Jimin's chin trembled as his tears silently escaped his eyes. He could hear the tram behind the man, the horns of the cars, and announcements blaring off in English. "Where are you?" He asked as calmly as he could.
"It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. I can't do this anymore, Jimin." Taehyung's breath screeched and he spluttered up coughing madly.
Jimin could imagine how badly the man had to be crying. His heart ached, and his feet moved him. "Tell me, Tae," he ventured. "What did you mean?"
"You don't deserve to know."
"I fucking do!" Jimin lost his cool for a moment and breathed deeply to compose. In and out. In and out as he reached the guest bathroom and gripped the sink tightly. "Please. I need to know. Did he-"
"No." Taehyung denied slowly and Jimin breathed, closing his eyes. He was thinking it all wrong.
"I am sorry, Taehyung-ah," for the first time since they parted ways, Jimin apologized heartily. Hearing the words, Taehyung cried hysterically like he needed a shoulder right now out in the cold. Jimin wept silently, shivers wracking his body as he kept his head hung low. "I am sorry." All he wanted was one chance to go back in time to save not only the boy who was connected to him like a flawed fate but also his best friend in life. He wanted to hug his friend and comfort him, be able to take a little of his pain if it meant he'd have him back. He wanted to do things differently this time, but that wasn't possible. All he had was a hole the size of a meteor in his chest and hollowness nothing could fill.
"Why, Jimin-ah? Why not me? Why didn't he choose me?"
"I complain to God the same thing more than you do, Tae. I wish I could alleviate some of your pain. If you ask me anything, I'll give it to you, no questions asked." Jimin rolled his hair back before wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand.
"You can't give me what I want," Taehyung hiccupped. "You really can't."
The phone went dead and Jimin looked at the lit screen.
It felt like his soul was wrenched out of his body and it was staring at him standing there like a ghost. He didn't blink, didn't move, just stared at the screen. The more he stared, the deeper his trance built. The vines started heckling and tightening around his arms, legs, and chest. It was dark. He was in a dark forest with nothing but a small amount of light coming from one direction.
He struggled to get out, to break free, but his body wasn't on his team. He screamed his lungs out until his throat went scratchy. He tried to take sharp gasps of breaths until his chest started bobbing on its own like a stuck record. His eyes widened as he tried to grasp the little light, but the more he opened his eyes, the more the darkness settled.
The ground under his feet started dipping down and he screamed again when he thought he had almost lost his voice. The light. He had to run towards the light. He could do it, he could run for it. All he needed was to take one step at a time.
Suddenly, a bright flash shone on his eyes that almost blinded him. When he finally jerked back, he was breathing heavily while staring at the chat app notification. Jungkook is online.
The cursed thing went black like before the moment he jumped on it.
He looked around, not knowing how did he end up in the guest bedroom. The streaks of tears on his pale face were visible in the mirror as he glared at himself. Taehyung's call played like a video in his head.
"What did you mean?"
"What did you mean when you said I am not letting him die because of you this time?"
"Please. I need to know. Did he-"
"No."
Two syllables and one word.
Jimin breathed easily as the realization kept dawning deeper and deeper until his rhythms regularised. Taehuyung wouldn't lie to him. Would he?
Jungkook mightn't have attempted to take his life, but disappearing from the face of the earth meant it wasn't a bed of roses for him at all. He didn't only disappear, he had forsaken his dream of becoming a doctor, his entire life. If the boy was enrolled anywhere in the world of medical sciences, Jimin would've known. He mightn't have shared the passion of becoming a doctor with Hoseok, Taehyung, or even Jungkook, but now that he was one, he owned the perks.
Where was Jungkook?
How did he hide for six years?
And if Taehyung's state gave him any indication, he wasn't able to find him in Neoviva either. It wasn't for the lack of trying on Taehyung's part, Jimin knew. Jungkook didn't want to be found. He had known of Taehyung's untimely travels all these years — for which he could safely assume the reason — but his former friend never succeeded. Not once.
What was Jungkook doing?
Were his parents in agreement with his decision?
Did he choose something else to do with his life?
Did he find someone?
Hell, whenever he thought of Jungkook, he thought of a smiling face, a strong-headed and confident teenager. It was like no time had passed in his memories. Jungkook wasn't a boy now. He must be a man, wherever he was — a desirable and respected man.
The thought made Jimin smile to himself. He was proud of what Jungkook was becoming irrespective of the complicated dynamic he had shared with him back in the day.
If Taehyung had been here, he would have told him that he had no right to feel anything for Jungkook. No pride, no pity, no regret, no pain, and he definitely wouldn't have approved reminiscence.
Hours passed on the library chair before he strolled back to bed.
Rose stirred awake and looked at him. "Hey," she palmed his cheek as he got under the blanket, her voice raspy.
"Go back to sleep." Jimin kissed her palm by bringing it to his lips.
"Are you okay? What time is it?" She began to get up, but Jimin gently held her wrist to stop her. Rosenow has always been a perfect wife. He would say that she had taken the role too perfectly.
"Go back to sleep. I am fine. I was studying for one of my friend's cases tomorrow. I'll be helping him on call."
Rosenow sniffed alcohol, but she didn't say anything. She knew these were a tough couple of days for him as much as they were for her, and he didn't talk much. Jimin had always been suffering in silence kinda guy. He shared his happiness with everyone, but when it came to his sorrows, he only ever chose Taehyung to spill his guts. She had been awry of it, sometimes wishing she had a relationship like those two with her then-boyfriend, but she never could cross that boundary. At times she thought it was a cultural barrier, but it didn't make sense for long. She soon had come to terms with it though. She accepted Jimin as he was.
But when Jimin lost his only confidante, he closed himself off entirely.
When Jimin was more lively than any other guy, now he lived under a constant grey cloud. When he always laughed then, he barely smiled now. It had been ages since he dyed his hair when he did that twice a year once upon a time.
Stifling a painful moan, she straightened and held Jimin's palm to dive off to sleep. Jimin, on the other hand, couldn't close his eyes again. It wasn't that he didn't want to, but he was afraid that he would get stuck in the dark forest again.
He watched as Rosenow passed out soon enough, her breasts calmly following a rhythm. Ensuring after some time that she was fast asleep, he got out of bed and beelined towards the baby boy. They still hadn't named him yet, but suggestions have been pouring in from all of their friends and families.
He watched the boy also mirroring his mother's posture and he felt a sudden and fresh wave of guilt washing over him. He was living a lie, and unless he could make everything right, he was never going to be a good father. What would he teach his son about honesty when he wasn't in the right? The thought terrified him more than anything. A man could fail and get up over and over, but falling in front of his child was something he couldn't fathom ever recuperating from.
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11 Jan, 2023
Chapter 11: Strict teachers mean well
Chapter Text
Jungkook
Ulrich had to nurse me while Taehyung Hyung drove me back to the hostel. I l was looking outside the car all the way, trying to not expel the contents of my stomach. I was mortified, but not as much as I was drunk. I closed my eyes and thought of what couldn't become my reality. If it was any alternate universe where Jimin didn't exist, I'd have gone for Taehyung Hyung.
But I was stuck in the world where he walked, breathed, and smiled. I wanted to push him to the limits. If he doesn't like me, he should fucking say that then. I thought there were two ways to deal with my situation. One; ignore Jimin and believe that he'll forget that tonight happened. Two; see through it until the end. I had nothing to lose.
A realization came to me, the logical thought of my insane mind. My school years had been the constant rounds of good grades, rules, and facades. A part of the reason why I wanted to study away from home had to do with coming out of that show that I'd perfected so well. I was an obedient son to my father, a loving one to my mother, and a cheerful friend to my grandmother, but I didn't know who I wanted to be on my own. What was my role in that show as myself? What was my character?
I thought it would take months on the path of self-discovery, but it turned out, I needed to put the fear of disappointing my parents in the box and turn back to life with clear lenses.
It only took me weeks to discover that I was adamant, a visionary. The biggest question was, what did I have to lose if saw it through to the end? I was free.
Free to drink beer whenever I wanted.
Free to play any game I wanted.
Free to pursue my heart if I wanted. And I wanted, no, needed to follow my heart. I hadn't yet witnessed someone like Jimin, and I'd never felt so strongly attracted to anyone before, both physically and emotionally. There was something conspiratorial in Germany's air. The divine intervention was so clear that it would take a stupid to ignore it.
The moment my eyes fell on the mop of pink, my breath stopped.
My heartthrob turned out to be an acquaintance of my roommate.
Our paths crossed again on the first day.
God was giving me a hint. He was holding a pen and waiting for me to make my move so he could finalize one stage of my life. I had to take the chance. So what if Rosenow is a perfect anomaly in my path? I had to own my life, and I wasn't going to sulk.
**
I woke up with a hangover. My stomach was growling as if it wanted me to save it from the fire inside. My head was splitting into many pieces, and my throat was as dry as a dune.
The first rule of hostelers; never look drunk, even if you are drowning in the feeling.
I kicked aside my shoes that were placed inverted on the side of my bed as I got up and walked toward the washroom. Ulrich was snoring, his ass up, face down on the pillow. He wasn't a light sleeper, that only strengthened our friendship. He was never bothered by my clumsy attempts of tripping over objects that created sharp noises after bedtime. I was always out in the night, trying to catch one glimpse of a group of seniors. He was always the one to sleep early. I knew he would become a successful doctor one day.
Showering with ice-cold water knocked sense in my body, but also took sensations away. I was a shivering yet numb mass of muscles when I came out in a towel and found that Ulrich was up, a book in his hands that he kept by his bedside for light reading — Anatomy and Physiology of Heart.
I raised my chin at him. He did the same. "Better now?"
"Nothing even happened," I shrugged, hoping he would quit it.
"I don't wanna go back. Take me back to the part-tey. I guess I was hearing things then." He bared his teeth at the book.
The next moment, his wide eyes were tracing my hands as I snatched his "light read" and put it behind my back. "You'll not say one word about that or you'll never find your books."
"Fine, fine," he rose on his knees to go behind me and I let him snatch the book back. Ulrich had a good two inches on me, but when it came to strength, I was the beast.
"Let's skip the medicine class today." I got up and paced to the armoire on my side of the room. Ulrich had an identical one too on his side, but he had far less stuff than I did, so I also used half of his space.
"I agree with you the first time." I heard him snapping the book shut. The thing was so thick that it made significant noise if the spine was straightened.
I cocked my eyes at him. "Really?" He always protested against my ideas and told me I'd get us in trouble. The thing was, I was never sure what I was doing, but breaking rules was addicting after being a follower for a lifetime. The feeling of adventure was growing on me, and I was learning a trick or two to avoid getting caught.
"I'll be a doctor. I'll pet a parrot to learn the medicine names and recite them for me." He got in action.
My face must have given me away. "No, no, no," he held his hands the moment our eyes met as he slipped his feet into the flip-flops. "I am not going to do whatever you have in mind."
"You didn't even hear my plan."
"I don't need to."
"We are going to go enroll in soccer. I met Wolf's gang yesterday."
"Wolfgang," he corrected me in an accent. "His name is Wolfgang."
"Auburn hair, muscular build. You got it." I turned back, choosing the outfit for the day.
"I am not going anywhere with you. I'd rather go see Jimin sir. He said he'll help me with revision."
I was jostled like a lightning rod. "You know, you are always complaining about my ideas. I'll do whatever you are doing today."
He was in the bathroom, already brushing his teeth when he glared at me through the mirror and spat before turning to address me directly. "You," he pointed his brush at me, "will do as I say?"
"Whatever you want," I smiled brightly. It was a small price to pay. He liked boring things like playing the game of life or Spiel des Lebens. I knew these were classics there, but they did nothing more than put me to sleep. I thought I'd meet Wolfgang later when Ulrich was asleep. I put back the hoodie and took out a branded leather jacket.
By the time Ulrich was done with his morning routine, I had cleaned up his side of the bed and brought breakfast for both of us in our dorm. They didn't allow us the take-outs, but I learned quickly the art of convincing and the power of money.
Ulrich was suspicious of me was an understatement. "Did you put your Kimchi in the coffee?" He picked up the cup, sniffing it.
I laughed, my head falling back and my hands clapping together. "Even if I did, it's not poisonous."
He did eat nonetheless without complaints and we were soon on a sweet stroll to the seniors' dormitory. We passed by A-1, which was Taehyung Hyung's room. Jimin's was A-13, right at the end of the hallway. Ulrich stopped and dialed a number. When he spoke to Jimin, I felt jealous. He had his number. It was more disappointment than envy.
After what seemed like a confirmation from Jimin, he nodded and disconnected the call. "Let's go." He told me and I realized he was conversing in German before.
Ulrich knew the door was unlocked, so he twisted the handle and my throat appeared with a ball size of a fist. I couldn't breathe, but I didn't let it show.
"Schließe die Tür hinter dir," Jimin's voice came. (Close the door behind you.)
As Jimin's eyes met mine, his hands in his hair stopped before he let them roll back and pointed towards the sofa set. "Have a seat," he mumbled and disappeared behind a door, which I assumed was the kitchen. When I was here the last and the first time, I didn't notice it. The room still smelled like Dahlias and something like Jimin.
"You wanted to see Taehyung Hyung? Didn't you?" Ulrich wiggled his brows at me, probably noticing how pale my face suddenly got.
"Oh, yeah," I recounted he thinks I like Taehyung Hyung. "But shh." I glared at him indignantly.
We were conversing in secretive and hushed tones when Jimin returned with two big mugs. Ulrich reached out for it at the same time as I spoke. "I already had breakfast, Hyung."
Jimin's eyes narrowed a little bit as he looked at my face. Ulrich also stopped to see what would he say. "This is the good stuff, Jungkook. Drink it. Sharpens the head so that you can get through with it all." There was an edge to his voice. I didn't know why but it felt as though his displeasure wasn't directed at the fact that I was here, but it was at something else.
The moment I took the mug, he fell on the chair which was near Ulrich's side and they began to speak into a book. I looked around, drinking my very tasty smoothie and feeling like an outsider. Even if our birthplace was the same, Jimin had more in common with Ulrich than me.
"Why don't you go and invite Taehyung? He is good with the peripheral nervous system. This thing bores me to death." Jimin spoke and I only heard that Ulrich was going to leave the room and I would be alone with him.
Ulrich shot me an obvious look before he stood up, cleared his throat, and walked out.
Jimin's head was leaned back on his chair as he softly massaged his eyes. "Hyung," I ventured courageously.
His hands stopped before he sat upright. "Don't use that word, Jungkook," his tone was stern, but it also had something that I correlated with a soft spot.
"Hyung?" I asked, my tone incredulous. I remembered Ulrich also told me not to."Why?" I asked after he nodded in confirmation.
He let out a heavy sigh. "You need to know that you don't want to be part of favoritism. If anyone heard you, they'd call you out on it."
"But that's-"
"Consider this a teaching from a senior," Jimin interrupted. "I know you offer respect, but don't let people talk of prejudice against certain groups. All juniors and seniors have to maintain a certain decorum. I hope you understand."
I understood now and he nodded timidly, but even when a very sleepy-looking Taehyung Hyung barged in and sat beside him, even when they all started talking and studying, I couldn't help but smile softly, tangled in my own thoughts. If Jimin warned me about something with the best intentions at heart, it only meant that he cared. It was enough for me...for now.
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24 Feb, 2022
Chapter 12: Whole system and racism
Chapter Text
Taehyung
Nights seemed like fragrances of my favorite and best-smelling shower gels and days were like my favorite breakfast. He was always around at night, wandering out, looking at us. But since when I introduced him to my friend, Wolfgang, and he has gotten into the sports club, it has become easier to approach him.
I still got offers from people, but the all-consuming desire for Jungkook has been unbeatable. No one could remedy that, no one but Jungkook. I have come to realize that for good.
Unlike Jimin, and despite his warnings, I didn't care much about the decorum. The Asian community here has been on the receiving end of hate often. In my case, I had become more popular than the locals and faster.
As soon as we started here, we learned how an Asian girl in the senior batch was restricted and accused of cheating on her finals. She was surely a legend, a perfect-score kinda student, but she made the mistake of thinking she was invincible. The thing about the meager insects is that they always strike when we least expect them, behind our backs. When everyone planted evidence on her, she had no one standing with her. She was kicked out. I've heard she now works in an asylum as an assistant back in Korea, even after probably knowing more than the experienced doctors there.
That's where being famous came in handy. It became a necessity to seize control. It allowed me and my friends to protect our own, and for that, we needed to strategize, to form partnerships with the locals because even if I and my friends gained popularity quickly, there was no guarantee that we wouldn't meet the same fate as that girl, or worse. We were always under the hanging threat.
Our arrangement with locals was practical, and everyone was aware of it, except no one knew that true friendship was going to bloom amongst us.
Jimin found his potential — and we all feel — future life partner there. She was as German as they came, but she was also kind, talented, hardworking, and against racism.
Christoph's father was in the military and had secured himself a senior position before retiring. As a result, we got to party at his house, the safest location in the city. No one lived there, so it was open for us or any friendly seniors at any time.
Anja's family came from a traditional line of enologists. As a result, we always had our 'store of trust' where no one asked us our age and papers to buy liquors anywhere in the city.
Then, Rosenow belonged to a family that was all doctors. His father, mother, grandparents, and every single one of them was in healthcare. It definitely helped us pave the way in the University for other Asians.
If there was a group people thought twice to go against, it was ours.
Like I said, we wanted to protect our own.
Every class had an understanding of sorts. We didn't intervene with our seniors, and similarly, our juniors didn't really have a say in our affairs. In a way, we were an exception to even be in an inner circle of the locals who were in the game of dominance and power. The professors here were all aware of drugs being brought in, the secret parties, and the sneaking of girls in the boys' dormitories, but everything worked like well-oiled machinery. We always turned a blind eye to others, and that was why Jimin has been worried lately because of my interest in Jungkook.
Ulrich was different. His involvement with us looked reasonable to everyone, because one, his father was Rosenow's father's baby brother. Rosenow treated him like her own sibling because her real brother was a druggie and a twat, and two, Ulrich was a local, which Jungkook was not.
People ignored discrepancies in the system if it was them, but when it came to us, many of them were supposed to have opinions because, one, Jungkook was a first-year student, and two... It was obvious.
Most of the fifth and sixth-year students were gutsy enough to break the rules, and all of them were locals who had big shots backing them up. They were also too focused on school to give a shit about other people's lives. The juniors were the real stingy bitches with still some free time to be the little whores in heat. If they saw any junior mingling with a senior, they automatically formed a biased opinion about the young student, thinking they must be doing 'favors' for us and we must be returning them in 'some way' or the other.
Ignorance is bliss. I understand it well now. And I wanted it for Jungkook.
It was a statement that I made after bringing him to the party all those weeks ago. I was risking it. Jimin was unhappy, saying "You are inviting unnecessary trouble. There are many model students in the first year who could all attack the boy" to which I replied that I didn't care who their rich fathers were. Jungkook was mine to protect.
My mood had gone for the toss that night. Jimin had left after arguing and I stumbled upon Andre, the asshole of my classmate. He had apparently caught Jungkook walking in the dormitories. Thank goodness Jimin was there. If he wasn't, I didn't know what would have happened, and it boiled my head off in fury to even think about it. I had a foul mood the entire ride, but it wasn't wise to direct my anger at Jungkook when I wanted to get close to him.
I didn't know what had happened right before Rosenow came rushing to me at that party. She had said that Jungkook was throwing up and when I ran upstairs, I saw Jimin reeling.
He has been acting strange lately. I knew he was looking out not only for me but for the whole group. He worries. But something has been troubling him, which is something other than the university racism and shit. He hasn't spoken to me yet, and that was why I had planned today's picnic to talk.
We were in the big city, but it was admirable how there was so much green where people loved to picnic, mostly college students. It was the cheapest and the most fun way to have a good time, especially for students. People here did more picnicking than in other countries.
Christoph and Anja were sitting on one sheet as the latter was setting up the glasses for wine and the former was helping her. I was lying on the grass. Rosenow was looking behind me at a tree with a fixed gaze as if she was learning the shape of leaves, and Hoseok was leaning against a tree with a book.
Jimin sat beside me. We had our shoes lined up on the grass a little ahead. "Wanna tell me what's going on?" I asked him.
He looked confused for a beat. "About what?"
"You know... There's something happening... With Jungkook."
The name was enough to make Jimin uncomfortable. "Look," I held his hand and Christoph started grumbling like an ogre. He was a big man, and he spoke like one too. While people's attention went to him, Including Rose's, Jimin remained focused. "I know you worry that his classmates might bully him, but I've got it covered. And you know no one will point at us, at least not directly. We have to be cautious, and we are, but I want Jungkook and I want him to know that too."
"What if he's not into you?" Jimin asked, his brows coming together and his voice low, careful, cautious, afraid of hurting me.
"He... mightn't be, but he'll never find anyone better than me, and you know it."
Jimin laughed at that and nodded his head while slapping my shoulder. "True that, but sometimes... Being perfect is also not enough."
I thought he was wrong. "The feelings have to be made realized sometimes if they don't come naturally." I rebounded.
"I hope you find something there. I seriously wish it. But your timing couldn't be shittier." He chuckled, his eyes now shining.
"Why is that?" I leaned back and fell on the grass, keeping my eyes on him.
"I don't know... I hope you can manage your studies with difficulty level going up and a relationship if that's what you are looking for."
I sighed, turning my gaze to the clear sky. "What happened that night?" The question slipped my tongue.
"When?" He was now looking away at an elderly couple. When I traced his line of sight, I caught them eating ice cream.
"At the party."
"Which one?" He asked. "In case you didn't notice, we do that a lot."
I shifted on my elbow and turned my frame towards him. "I am talking about the one where I brought Jungkook."
"Why? Did he say something?"
No. He didn't say anything. But the way Jungkook always got around Jimin didn't sit well somewhere deep in my belly. He was doing fine, happy, drinking with me, giggling at me, and then he looked desperate to leave and disappeared, only for me to find him with Jimin. It wasn't the only time I had this thought. Even on the ferry the first time I saw him, he was looking at Jimin with fascination. The following dinner was so out of hand that I even asked Jimin to behave with Jungkook.
Then there were all too many coincidences where Jungkook was around and Jimin looked out of it. Like in his room whenever Jungkook came with Ulrich, during Soccer, in locker rooms, or the gym two nights ago. At first, I shrugged it off, thinking it was maybe a Busan thing, but that couldn't be it. I wanted to clear the air. "Nothing troublesome, but I think he's afraid of you... Or when you are around." I answered his question.
Jimin laughed a hearty one. "That kid is everything but not afraid of me. You have to trust me on that."
"I should hope so. If you scare my baby away, I am kicking your ass."
"Baby. We are already there, huh?" He teased.
"Where?" Rosenow slipped into our conversation with a plate of fresh strawberries.
"Tell your boyfriend to behave, Rose. He is scaring Jungkook."
"I don't think he is scared of Jimin," Rose contradicted naturally, and I felt an understanding passing between them. They seemed to have had a discussion on it before to reach a similar conclusion.
"So I guess he has some problem with Jungkook," I shrugged.
"He doesn't," She answered and I noticed Jimin didn't deny it.
"You won't mind if I call him here then? Do you?" I asked, holding the phone, set to dial. No, I still didn't have Jungkook's number. Yes, it's been two months since I've known him, but I was working on it.
"Sure, we wouldn't mind," Rosenow smiled and looked at Jimin for confirmation. "Wouldn't we?"
"You all will only put Jungkook on a hot seat. It will become a problem for him if he continues to hang out with us, but sure. If Taehyung thinks he can protect him even after we will have left after three more years while the boy will still be in the uni, by all means."
"Learn to live in the present, Jimin," I got up from the grass and dusted my clothes. "He'll become capable to care of himself in three years. I'll make sure of it."
"Where are you going, fucker?! It was your idea to picnic!" Jimin screamed after me.
I flipped him off without turning around and continued to walk, only realizing that I didn't bring the car and that I'd have to hail a cab.
As I exited the park, I looked at one side, and then at the other. My eyes fell on two people who looked familiar around the corner, but then I felt my body humming with energy when I realized they were Jungkook and Ulrich.
"Jungkook!"
The boys flinched and I smiled my easy smile at them. They were already jumpy around me, even when I tried to be my charmful self, as always. But maybe they have heard stories about me. "What's going on here?" I looked at them both suspiciously because they were acting awry.
"He wanted to drink," Jungkook pointed his finger at Ulrich and the other boy's face turned red.
"Relax," I put my arm over Ulrich's shoulder. "Come, I'll buy you myself. It will be easier to get it past the uni security guard if I am carrying it."
Jungkook's eyes were filled with something akin to awe. He was impressed by me and he had questions. I could tell. "By the way," I asked, walking inside the liquor shop and showing my ID to the guy. "How were you guys planning to get it inside?"
"We were thinking of throwing the liquor off the wall first." Ulrich seemed ashamed of his idea as he told me. My eyes went to Jungkook's, whose face was also turning red.
"Give me your phone," I demanded.
"Huh?" His eyes widened, brows lifting, but then he trailed his gaze at my outstretched hand and pulled out his phone to hand it over.
I saved my number in it. "Text me if you ever need this kind of help."
"Really?" Jungkook asked, looking like a happy kid.
"Yes," I smiled, my heart thumping against my chest. "But drink responsibly when you are on campus. I don't want to see either of you getting in trouble." My voice turned scratchy as I pointed my finger.
"Yes, sir."
"Yes, Hyung."
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27 Feb, 2023
Chapter 13: Deceiving a friend
Chapter Text
Jimin
I wasn't in the mood of working out today. Semester exams were in two months. The time was flying by. It only seemed that we started the third year just yesterday. I stepped on the treadmill with the intention to incline-walk for twenty minutes and then move to CrossFit, but when I watched Jungkook's frame in the mirror, my eyes adhered to his reflection for a moment until I noticed he was coming in my direction.
Only then I swung my gaze to the adjoining equipment, which was free. I could've assumed that he would occupy it, and he did. Waving at me, he smiled a little and put his sipper on the front console before his face towel.
Where were my headphones when I needed them? Like I said, I didn't want to work out today, so I didn't bring them. They would've saved me from talking.
I respected Taehyung's decision, but that didn't mean I was going to encourage being seen with juniors in a public gym. It was the only gym which was on the campus, and almost all the male population used it, including the teaching and helping staff.
"How are you?" I heard his voice as he pressed the speed button '6' on his treadmill and started brisk walking.
"Hm?" My eyes widened before I could control them and I willed my nerves to relax. Jungkook had a tendency to make me hyperaware and numb at once. Ever since that party, I've made sure to not be alone with him. I knew what he wanted, but it was not acceptable to me for obvious reasons. One, I was in a relationship with a woman. Two, Taehyung had eyes for him. I could only offer my cordiality to Jungkook as a pleasantry for being the love interest of my best friend. It felt wrong to even talk to him when Taehyung wasn't around. "I am okay. How are your studies going?"
He smiled the most engaging smile I've ever seen. Rose sometimes looked at me like that whenever she was drunk, but Jungkook appeared like he was constantly drunk whenever he smiled like that. His eyes captured mine. I was wary of my bearings, but not him. His body was as though on auto-pilot. He made it a point to not look away, as if he did, he'd suffer a stroke. "Thanks for helping me." He spoke in a grateful tone, his voice a little gravelly.
"Sure," I pressed the '10' on my console and my legs picked up speed. "Anything for a friend of Ulrich's."
He kept his frame a little towards me for a few seconds. Had anyone been watching, it would've been noticeable. He looked at me every time like his world stopped moving. I didn't want to get captured in his trance. Not alone, and definitely not with Taehyung.
As I took patterned breaths through my mouth while continuing to run, my heart settled into a fast rhythm. The footsteps sliding against the conveyor belt, the soft noise of the equipment, the synchronized steps of Jungkook with mine, they did something to me that I didn't want to stop first.
Thirty minutes and we were still going on. My legs were comfortable, settled into the new pace. I've been working out since the age when one was allowed in gyms. I didn't know about Jungkook though. Even if he looked fine, his shoulders were stiff and he looked as though he was putting in quite a lot of effort. I wanted to tell him to stop, but that would mean acknowledging his presence again.
My head must have turned a little bit to watch the speed on his console. Jungkook sped up to '15' and I stumbled.
People sprinted at this speed if they were preparing for sports or marathons, and that too, under supervision. He was essentially flying now, his feet were in the air. He would fall if I didn't stop him. And he was determined that he wasn't going to. What was he trying to achieve? One minute passed. Thirty more seconds passed. Heads whipped to watch him.
That's it.
I pulled his emergency key by reaching my hand over and stepped down out of my own treadmill. His body jerked and he stumbled back. I was ready to grab him, and I did. Then something happened that I didn't anticipate. His knees bucked and he turned, circling his arms around my neck. I wasn't ready yet to put my defenses completely, so when I gripped his waist, trying to pull him back up, he set his cheek on my shoulder and turned his grip tighter. "Jungkook?" I got scared for a moment, thinking he was blacking out, and feeling that I had to take him to the emergency room. "Hey, Jungkook!" I yelled out loud over the gym music.
His legs were shaky and his breath was coming in short puffs as his chest wheezed. He was trying to speak, but his lungs were prohibiting him, wanting to desperately suck oxygen through his mouth. I understood that. I let him cling to me. For a moment, I wanted to ask the trainer's help, who had appeared along with many others at the spectacle we'd created, but then I knew Taehyung would trust him with me more than anyone else, so I kept holding him.
"Hyung," he said after a few moments, his breaths still choppy.
"You are okay, Jungkook. Breathe." I slowly started sliding down on the ground. His body followed and I pulled his legs straight, quickly massaging them to soothe his blood circulation. I knew I didn't want to become a doctor, but being able to help people in a way that relieved their pain brought me a sense of satisfaction like nothing else.
He closed his eyes and his chest bobbed at a normal breath rate per minute, which I counted. That was when I pulled away, my back hitting the wall as I let myself lean on it. "What were you thinking?" My voice had a cutting edge now that I have assured myself that he was going to be okay.
"How else would I get you to talk to me? It seems like you dislike me so much that you turn the other way when you see me coming," he sat straight, supporting his back against a pillar, his eyes filled with emotions so strong that I didn't like them. I didn't like that I affected him this much. I didn't like that he was stupid enough to risk his health to get my attention. I didn't like that he was stringing Taehyung along when he was definitely not into him, and I didn't like to be the cause of anyone's pain. "Are you still briny about what I said in the beginning?"
"I am not. And we shouldn't be talking about it." I stood up quickly, dusting off my knees.
"Why?" He squirmed to get up as I reached over to the treadmill to collect his stuff.
"Stay down," I barked the order. "You are quite an idiot."
"Why, Hyung? Why shouldn't we be talking about it?" He soldiered on.
Because I have a fricking girlfriend. Because you know that Taehyung is endeavoring so hard for you. "Because it doesn't matter to me, Jungkook," I said, point-blank. "I have forgotten about it only because of Tae. And you should know that whatever you are doing here... It is making me uncomfortable."
He scoffed, his head turned the other way before hanging down. He didn't say anything, but his fists tightened. I was standing there, breathing heavily when he slowly lifted from the floor. "Stop acting like we are committing a crime. Stop running away from me like a coward. I am nothing to you, right? So why do I get your special treatment of being ignored? Stop acting as you do around me and I promise I'll not repeat anything like today."
I was flabbergasted at his confidence, his attitude, and his disrespectful tone as if he was speaking to someone his age or younger. What made it worse was that he said it all in Korean, which caused much more impact on me than I'd have liked.
He was right. Why give him special treatment when he wasn't anyone special? I'd be lying if said he didn't affect me. Knowing that he found me attractive that was constantly running through my mind every time he was in my vision. Every time he chanced a peek at me, it boggled my mind to think what must he be thinking about me in his trance.
The same gender's fixation on me never bothered me until now. There is something about me that men find attractive, I've made peace with it. But when Jungkook looked at me, it wasn't a fleeting gaze, it was dangerous as if he wanted to drown and never come out, and it terrified me.
But he was right. I could act like it didn't affect me at all. I could put on a show. I nodded. "You are right." Patting a hand on his back didn't feel right, as if my lips were disconnected from the words. I felt his tensed muscles. "If you need my help with the study, let me know." I placed his sipper and the towel in his hand and walked out of the equipment room.
I didn't think I could carry on, so I beelined to the exit and found Tae right outside. "Jungkook's in." I winked at him, but it felt wrong. I wasn't going to share our earlier conversation with him, and hiding things from my friend only cemented the fact that I was deceiving my friend in a way.
I found Rose coming out of her swimming club. She smiled at me, about to say something when I lurked at her to kiss her. I wanted to channel all the anger into something, and this outlet was much better than any. "Someone might see us." She pushed me back, her eyes shocked as though she never expected such an action from me.
"Come with me," I grabbed her palm and we walked all the way to my dorm.
People watched and looked away as we surpassed them. I always preferred to have our private moments outside the campus. I didn't want any bastard to see her and have thoughts about her. I was possessive that way. That was why our group was planning to move out of campus and rent our own apartments nearby. Nonetheless, I didn't pay heed today. She was turned on by my lack of discipline and I made good on it the moment we closed the door behind us.
I had to keep her mouth shut to let her voice from getting out. It was the first time that someone else's voice and face crossed my mind multiple times as I climaxed over and over again.
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4 Mar, 2023
Chapter 14: The facility and grey uniform
Chapter Text
Iseul.
That was the name that they had decided for the baby boy. Iseul was three weeks old now. As Rosenow was healed to a great extent, Jimin was preparing to resume work.
He had long since decided to take care of the management of his own small hospital and his art gallery. The hospital was now functioning well, but the art gallery needed his attention. As he walked out into the resort-like backyard of his bungalow in a black suit, he oddly felt upbeat in the bright sunlight.
Since the burning dedication to finding Jungkook came to him as an epiphany, he worked constantly on the same, unable to find peace during the day or sleep at night, but today was different.
He had thrown a small party for just the family to celebrate his baby boy's life. Rose's family was present, but his brother and father couldn't make it. He knew that Jihyun would never want to be a part of any social event, but he still couldn't get himself from inviting him.
His five plus one bedroom and ten washrooms containing house was smiling at him. The top-of-the-line finishes throughout it made Jimin proud of himself as he gawked at it from the backyard. He had sacrificed his passion and became a doctor, but in the end, he did well with his life, and now that his son was here, he thought it was a decision worth making.
His brother-in-law was by the door. When Jimin noticed him staring, he raised his chin at him.
The man chuckled and started walking towards him. Jimin composed himself. It was never a good talk with Rosenow's brother. "Alex," he ventured. "I hope you liked the food."
"Don't you have anything else to say to me?" Alex was grinning.
Jimin only ignored his remark. "Hope to see you again."
"Aw man," Alex chimed when Jimin began to move. "We both know that's not true."
"But here we are," Jimin stopped and gestured around him. "Bound by family."
"My nephew is important to me," Alex's grin dropped. "I am not going to disappoint him."
"Good to know," Jimin inched a little and patted Alex's shoulder. "Can I leave my responsibility to you temporarily? I have somewhere to go to for a while."
Alex nodded. Their gazes traveled to the second story of the house to see Rosenow by the window, carrying Iseul, worry etched on her face.
Jimin smiled at her before he turned around and trodded to his black car in the driveway.
As he drove out of the neighborhood, finding his way on the highway briefly, he couldn't stop wondering. He loved his family, but being on his own after weeks felt freeing, especially because he constantly felt like he was cheating on his wife when his mind was occupied with the thoughts of Jungkook. Now that he was alone, his mind was still occupied, but the self-derogatory feeling was gone.
How the tables had turned. Nine years ago, he saw him first at Fehrman Island. For three years, Jungkook did everything to give him hints, tried to convince him, and expressed to him, but he was never so obsessed with him as he was now, which was strange, because he hadn't seen him in the last six years.
It was after the last year of his university when he got married. Jungkook had only finished his third by year then. The boy disappeared after that and Jimin went on to do his two years of MS in his father-in-law's medical school.
Sometimes, he thought back to the old days, and sometimes he decided that it was only wise to forget that Jungkook was gone. It was easier that way. Not thinking made him believe that he wasn't at fault, but in reality, there was a guilt the size of a pin-prick in his heart that yelled at him, constantly reminding him that he was the only one responsible for Jungkook's disappearance.
And after six years, the pin-prick grew into a mountain, compelling him to even think of the nights he had never allowed himself to recollect.
As his mind went there, he lost sight of the road.
A loud crash flinched him and he pressed brakes, realizing that he had slammed into a car ahead of him. From the dashboard, he saw the other car halt, but his own was out of control, spiraling ahead like it was in the center of the Bermuda Triangle before sounds strangled and colors faded.
**
A tall man in light pink scrubs was carrying a bag of snacks. He walked tall and proud, smiling at a lot of men and a few women who all wore the uniform of grey cotton pajamas and tops.
The building was like a square box with five lateral sections, and five floors made of brick and plaster. All sides had ten rooms fitted with wood and metal doors. The inside square served as a walkway when rooms lay on the outer sides. He was walking towards the edge of the square yard, a few ceiling lights in front of the rooms were turned on at night, but the corner he was aiming for was dark.
Knocking at the door when he reached there, he entered inside and found a man in a grey uniform looking out from the big windows, curtains drawn away. "I've got your chocolates."
"Thank you, Mr. Knight." The man grinned and paced to him. Taking the packet, he tore it open and pulled out one of many bars.
"You are welcome, Jungkook." Mr. Knight replied, looking at him with an astonishing expression.
"What?" Jungkook jumped on his bed. "A man has needs."
"Don't throw the wrappers in the bin. Other patrons might see." The man advised, cocking a brow at him.
"Not for long," Jungkook answered and patted the space. "Join me for a chocolate."
The cheerful tone caused Mr. Kinght to humor the man. He pulled the chair and dragged it to the edge of the bed to sit. They were in a facility and Jungkook was his favorite patient. Everyone here was a patient, fighting against nature. Some patients broke, some faked, and some altered their ways to get out of there, but not Jungkook. When he came here six years ago, Mr. Knight was assigned to him, just like many other patients. He thought that the boy wouldn't stick around for more than three months, but here they were, six years later.
"What has made you decide to leave finally?" He asked slowly.
"I don't want to burn any more of my father's money." Jungkook pouted in faux sympathy.
"You don't care about that," Mr. Knight's brows danced a little, amusement on his face as he tilted his head to the side. "If that was the case, you'd have left a long, long time ago. Then you chose the privileged class arrangement. No one here lives as you do."
"I need to feel the fresh air now," Jungkook crinkled his nose.
Mr. Knight got up from his chair and patted Jungkook's shoulder. "I am happy you've decided to take the next step, kid."
Jungkook nodded, keeping his focus on the chocolate all the while as Mr. Knight walked out and shut the door behind him. Once alone, he got up and looked at his king-size bed. Aside from the snacks, it was clean and looked unused. The small shelf of books was organized, the big, round mirror on the wall beside the bed was smudged black with what seemed like paint, and a big TV remained off like it usually was.
He walked back to the window and stared out. The outside world was far-fetched to him now. He had decided to leave, but he still hadn't told his family. Only Mr. Knight knew of his thoughts for quite some time. If he was to discuss this with the facility's management, they would immediately call his parents, and he didn't want to deal with all that as of now where there was still some insecurity in his mind.
Sighing, he kept staring at the walkway and whisking leaves on the trees under the lampposts' lights. Wondering what it would feel like to let the air lick his skin made him breathe deeply and close his eyes. Would the pain return if he were to go out in the real world? He had made these four walls his protection compound, tricked himself into thinking that this was his safe space, that he wouldn't feel pain as long as he was here, but that was a lie.
His legs took him towards the small cupboard where he had his personal belongings. A small video camera, a few pairs of clothes, and a bottle of liquor with a golden bow on it, unopened.
His thumb was rubbing on the body of the black camera device, but he couldn't find it in him to unlock it.
When his door got knocked on, he flinched, but knowing the pattern of the knock, he knew exactly who was at the door. Closing his cupboard quickly, he walked to bed when the other man let himself in. Jungkook watched his face, an understanding passing between them. "Mother or father?" He asked.
"Father," the man replied. "It's so much worse. I wish he didn't visit me anymore."
"How do you want it?" Jungkook asked, his voice mechanical, no sympathy, no nothing.
The man hooked his thumbs behind the waistband of his grey pajamas and pulled them down. Before Jungkook could take a step, he bent down, holding the backrest of the chair where Mr. Knight was sitting a few minutes ago.
Jungkook turned off the lights in the room and then looked for something in his bedside drawer.
The man heard the tin foil wrapper tearing and felt Jungkook behind him in a few seconds. The moment his fingers touched the other man's waist, gripping him for support, the bent male's shuddered breath got caught in his lungs. He wanted the touch to be more affectionate, but it would be another disappointment for him if he thought he could get anything from Jungkook other than an animalistic fuck.
In the next moment, he was shutting his mouth as Jungkook started fucking him hard, the sound reverberating in the room. Both of them humped and grunted.
Jungkook inflicted pain and Jin took it.
The latter was five years older than the former, and they had met six years ago. It took them years to come to this arrangement, but now that they were, they always counted on each other. Whenever Jin's family visited him or when the days simply got so tough that he knew he would go insane, he came asking for pain, and Jungkook was more than willing to give it.
Along the way, Jin started developing feelings for Jungkook, but the younger man was very clear from the beginning. Jin knew that Jungkook loved a man named Jimin and that he was here because of Jimin. Still, he couldn't help but feel to want to have some of that for himself.
Jin was the only one who was close to Jungkook here, but lately, he had seen a younger, blonde boy laughing with him quite a few times. As Jungkook's strokes made him feel pre-orgasmic bliss, he lost his mind. "What's happening between you and that blonde boy?"
"Why do you ask?" Jungkook pounded harder with a punishing force, his fingers gripping the man's sides to leave it bruised.
"Tell me." Jin whimpered as his prostate was touched.
"No, I am not fucking him." Jungkook groaned and stumbled forward, falling over the folded body of the older as he spilled into the condom.
Jin wasn't done yet, so he jerked his cock until he shot his semen on the floor and fell on the bed with Jungkook.
The younger's eyes were closed when Jin looked at him. He sighed, carefully pulling the condom out of his dick. He got up, got in his pajamas, cleaned the floor, and covered Jungkook's body under the duvet before walking out with the dirty condom in his hand to discard it where no one could see it.
Jungkook opened his eyes and felt his neck choking, anxiety building in his chest. This didn't feel like a safe space anymore. Yes, he had to get out. It was time.
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9 Mar, 2023
Chapter 15: The scared father's hatred
Chapter Text
Jimin woke up to see strangers peeking down at him inside his car, which was pressed into a wall. He had blacked out for some time, but it seemed like it wasn't that long. He groaned in pain when his neck hurt. The murmur turned into a frantic bout of yelling as they realized he was up.
Starting the car, hoping it would at least take him to the place where he wanted to go, he backed away. His left arm slung to his right shoulder and he pressed on it to check the amount of damage while handling the steering with one hand.
He drove for a good thirty minutes. Although the pain started pinning his ass only after ten minutes, he continued.
When he located the Skoodle, a pediatric hospital, he pulled inside the building's parking and stepped out of the damaged vehicle.
A few of the working staff knew Jimin, so they bowed at him and greeted him as he made his way inside. Long queues in front of multiple specialties had Jimin wince to think just how many children were in pain. He followed the green boards with white signs until he found his way to the office he was looking for.
Knocking once, he barged in without waiting for the answer. Hoseok was walking, talking on the phone, and when he saw Jimin, he mumbled 'I'll call you back' before disconnecting the call and just staring at his friend. "Jimin...long time."
Jimin walked up to the desk, placed his hands on the edge, leaned down, and pulled the chair close to sit there. "Have a seat," he indicated at Hoseok, who did, his eyes squinting. "I am not going to keep you in suspense. I need Jungkook's home address."
"What?" Hoseok thought if he acted dumb, he'd buy some time to come up with a better excuse to tell Jimin.
"I know Taehyung has asked you not to, but I am asking you a favor. One friend to another. I'll owe you one."
Hoseok breathed in and exhaled softly, reached for the glass of water on the coaster, and had a sip. "Please, Hobi."
The man put the glass back down. "I am not sure what is it that you want?"
"I have to find him," Jimin answered honestly.
"Not that anyone could all these years. But I am curious. If you do... Then what?"
"I only need to know if he is doing fine and I won't even come in front of him. I just need to see for myself," Jimin offered, but Hoseok looked unperturbed. "Come on, Hobi! You know in your heart that it wasn't my mistake. Taehyung was too blind to see anything else. I am not blaming anyone who agreed with him and stopped being friends with me, but I am not a bad person."
Hoseok sighed again. "Taehyung will sever all ties with me if he knew I helped you."
"It won't happen. This will remain between us."
Hoseok's office phone rang and he picked it up without missing a beat, out of habit. He listened intently before flinching. His wide eyes looked at Jimin with disbelief. "You've had an accident?!" The receiver was down. Hoseok got up and skirted to check him for injuries himself. "They saw your car."
"I am fine," Jimin waved his hand in a half-motion. "Give me the address."
Hoseok pressed his lips together, his brows deep in a frown. "Fine," he mumbled so slowly that it didn't reach Jimin's ears all too well. Picking up a sticky note, he wrote down something and handed it to Jimin. "This is the golf course where Mr. Jeon goes every Wednesday. I don't know their home address either. But know that you'll be disappointed. You'll not get any answers."
Jimin snatched it like it was water and his hand was on fire. He had to cure this insurmountable guilt and fixation, and there was no way forward if he didn't step back to fix it.
"Thanks. I won't forget this."
**
As Jimin pulled over in front of a golf course, the guard stepped out of his security room. "Yes, sir?" He asked, looking at the serious condition of the car.
"I'd like to meet Mr. Jeon today." Jimin softened his coat, pointing inside.
"Let me check your name on the list of guests," the security guard turned, but Jimin got out and grabbed his forearm. The man suddenly went limp due to shock.
"I don't have a name on the list, but I need to enter. Is there a way we can work this out?"
"I-I am sorry, sir," the guard gulped. "You'd have to be a member to freely access the golf course."
"I'd like the membership then," Jimin declared immediately, impatiently.
"This way, sir," walking aside to open a bronze-colored smaller entry door, the guard led Jimin into an office.
There was music playing and a female was sitting behind the cubicle. Jimin nodded at the guard and unbuttoned his coat before sitting in an empty chair. The woman's head lifted and her eyes caught the man, suddenly flinching and flushing. "H-hello, sir." She beamed.
"I'd like a membership, and I'd like it quick, please."
"Certainly, sir," she began to click on the mouse. "Is it your first time with us?"
"Yes,"
"Would you also like to take our dine-in offers? You may avail of them all through the year. We have monthly, bi-annual, and annual memberships."
"Give me the annual one," Jimin stated, thinking he might actually utilize it someday to play golf.
With constant tapping of his feet, Jimin realized that he was anxious, looking at the men playing through the glass windows providing him with the view of the green and lush grounds.
He hadn't ever seen Jungkook's father except for that one time at the Uni, but he had only seen his back, surely it wouldn't be that difficult to recognize him, right? "What time does Mr. Jeon arrive? He comes here every Wednesday." Jimin casually mentioned.
"Oh, you know Mr. Jeon?" The woman looked up from the screen as she was typing Jimin's information.
"I came because he has referred me here."
"Why didn't you say so before?" She bellowed with excessive enthusiasm. "That accounts for a discount."
Jimin laughed a little, thinking how deep the connections ran in the world. The happy coincidence never brought such relief to him before knowing that Mr. Jeon was there. After fifteen minutes of back-to-back questions about his occupation, providing proof of his residence, a hefty fee, and whatnot, he was finally a member of the golf club.
"This way, Dr. Park," the woman ushered him towards the course. "Mr. Jeon is right there."
They walked on the course and taking out his black sunglasses, Jimin put them on. "Thank you," he nodded at the woman, indicating that he could walk from there.
Everyone else on the ground was wearing glasses in the bright sun, but only one man had a shiny club in his hand. When Jimin was determined earlier to come and talk, as he now witnessed the man's features, the sensitivity of the subject dawned on him. Jungkook's features have been derived from the man standing in front of him, six feet four inches of perfection and class.
Jungkook's memories halted in front of him, leaving a train wreck in its wake. The boy was shorter than him once, but as time passed, his height grew. Jimin wondered how tall was Jungkook now. Was he also the same height as his father? He had once mentioned that his relationship with his parents was agreeable, but was it still the same? Were they still close? Before his thoughts could turn pedantic, he decided to speak. "Mr. Jeon?" He stalked ahead, his tone inquiring, albeit knowing who the taller man was.
His head bowed a little as Mr. Jeon turned to him, standing straight, and nodded, taking a step towards him. "Who is asking? I am getting old, so please forgive my memory." He took off the glove from his right hand.
Old had nothing on him. Jimin was actually stunned for a moment to see him so fit and muscular. "Maybe we can talk separately for a moment, please? It's about Jungkook." Jimin's head was pounding as much as his heart was.
Mr. Jeon's smile faded and a frown marred his expression. "Who are you?" He asked again, sternly this time.
"Park Jimin."
Jimin watched how quickly Mr. Jeon's entire face quivered with ferocity, his hold on the club tightened, but he still trodded away from the other men who were in earshot. "I am not sure if you know me, but I am looking for Jungkook."
"May I ask the reason why?" He asked, looking down at Jimin. His earlier friendly stance was nowhere to be sensed.
"I am afraid I can't say that to anyone except Jungkook. I was hoping you'd be able to connect me with him."
"The only way you can relay your information to him is by telling me." The man said very calmly.
Jimin was impressed with the way how he hadn't lost his composure. As opposed to what he safely chose to omit on the confirmation of knowing or not knowing him, Jimin was sure his name was enough to boggle the older man. "Like I said," he spoke empathetically, "it's information of a sensitive nature. I'll be grateful if you'd point me in the direction so I can directly relay it to Jungkook."
Mr. Jeon sighed, his eyes closing and opening lazily as he exhaled softly. Shifting his gaze to the ground before looking up, he stepped closer. One step, two, three. He put his hand on Jimin's shoulder. His grip was firm and unmistakably threatening. "Never think about that name. Ever. Again."
"But-"
"Over. We are done here." He squeezed the muscles hard before letting go.
The anxiety attack Jimin had a few weeks ago returned with full force. The hatred and hostility were like an anvil on his chest, getting hammered with a hot iron. If Jungkook's father loathed him this much, he couldn't fathom how much Jungkook wouldn't want to breathe in his direction. It also meant that the man knew exactly who he was.
His vision turned blurry. He wasn't crying actively, but tears rolled down at full speed. He held onto a net behind him and tried to breathe through his mouth.
Mr. Jeon walked back, joining the men again, but Jimin remained cemented. The sense of deliberate misdeed he had always associated himself with now joined hands. The build of years and years of ignoring that little pin-prick delved deeper, shifting into a katana with sharp teeth. He bled and screamed inside, falling all over the floor, but on the outside, he looked poised, standing with a hand in his pocket, glasses hiding the running tears behind them.
How could he return home and pretend that nothing affected him? How could he look into his wife's eyes and hide that he was thinking about someone he wasn't supposed to? And more importantly, how could he make it right with Jungkook? Where was he? And what had he told his father and Taehyung about him to warrant so much hate from them?
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13 Mar, 2022
Chapter 16: Gentleman with a gentle touch
Chapter Text
Jungkook
I put myself in a miserable show of wallowing every night, thinking of Jimin. One would think that I'd be over him. Anyone smart enough and having eyesight enough to see his girlfriend would back the fuck off. Not me.
I didn't have a plan. I didn't know for certain what would happen. But I couldn't will myself to kill the desires of my heart.
Watching Jimin moving in the opposite direction, or stopping laughing at once if he found my eyes on him, it fucking stung. It was as though I was a virus he was desperately safeguarding himself from. Our talk in the gym did nothing to him. I still got his 'special treatment.' To make matters worse, Ulrich had been MIA for so long that I was only realizing now that I'd not seen him come into the dormitory in probably two weeks.
"Where were you?!" I yelled at him right as he entered the room. I was mad in general but I abandoned my thought of throwing a pillow at him when I saw how tired he looked. "I was calling you." I supplied softly.
"I joined a part-time job," he revealed, holding his waist on the left more for relief while tossing the backpack on his bed.
I sat up, walked over to his side, and plopped down on a bean bag that was placed between our beds which I'd bought. We moved it into the entire room based on our needs. It was obvious that Ulrich didn't have as much money. I wondered what kind of relationship his father and Rosenow's father had. On one hand, the bitch came from a financially strong household, but that wasn't the case for poor Ulrich. In my own problems, I forgot that people had it worse than me. "Why- why do you need the job?" I asked as empathetically as I could and only because I wanted to help him, not to patronize him.
Ulrich sighed, his palms softly massaging his eyes before falling back. "The fee will increase next year and I don't want to burden my family more. I want to save some amount so that I can contribute next year." He looked so vulnerable to be sharing this with me and I loved the dude for it.
I couldn't say if he recognized that I was filthy rich. My branded clothes and shoes should've been a dead giveaway, but Ulrich wasn't the kind of guy to pay heed to such things. To make matters worse, I let him pay for me multiple times. Since he was obviously fluent in the language, he was the front face for most of our purchases. I regretted all those liquor store visits now. We were legal, but medical university students weren't sold the liquor as the rules prohibited us from buying.
Thank God for Taehyung Hyung who helped us every time. He was really nice, unlike Jimin. It seemed that no matter how much I tried, he always had a way to make me feel irrelevant, or ordinary. Fuck him for that temporarily.
I needed to focus on Ulrich. "I could help you," I said, not knowing any other way to phrase it without hurting this proud, dear boy.
"Ah," he smiled and shook his head, eyes closing, opening. "I can't take your father's money. My uncle also offered, but I don't really want to. I want to help my dad on my own."
"Then I'll help you. Will you accept it if it's my money? Not my father's?" I asked, my head suddenly coming with numerous ideas.
He grinned cheekily and leaned back on the mattress. "Really?" He asked as I had grown two horns on my head. "Where would you get the money from, pray tell?"
"That's my headache," I grabbed his arm and dragged him up.
"What are you doing?" He asked, trying to stop me, but I took him to my side of the room.
"We are going to the seniors' dormitory." I declared, sliding the door open to my cupboard.
He rolled his eyes with a very distasteful scoff. "To do what? They aren't your buddies."
"Taehyung Hyung is."
He rubbed his fingers laterally over his forehead and sighed, defeated as he slumped on my bed. "How many times-"
"And I told you I won't call them 'sir,'" I interjected, throwing a jacket on his face.
"Hyung or not, make no mistake. Taehyung sir is jolly only until he wants. You don't know him as I do. He beat up people on uni ground many times. He even has-" He stopped abruptly.
"I know... Like you haven't already told me many times. I also know why he beat them." I turned with a warm strawberry-shade coat in my hand. "How does it look?"
"It's nice."
Nice. It seemed to be his favorite word. He always used it whenever I asked how I looked.
"I promise I am doing this for you," I grinned, and he glared at me.
"How is 'you dressing up' for me? Although you are an ass, not a bad-looking one, I am not gay. I know very well where your eyes lie."
I chuckled. "You think I am good-looking?"
He played with his wristwatch. "You should talk to Jeremy. I think he does too."
"Why would I do that? You know where my eyes lie," I protested in faux dramatics.
"Good to have a backup... You know... In case things don't work out with him." He sounded, his nose twitching a little. I caught that. He didn't know, but I have known this habit of his. Every time he hid something, his nose gave him away.
"Why? You aren't confident in my flirting skills?"
"More like clinging skills." He laughed once, dry and loud.
"You don't think Taehyung 'sir' will return my clinginess?" I questioned, point blank.
"It's not... Nevermind." He stood up to go back to his bed, but I pushed him back and held him down.
"Say it."
"Say what?"
"Whatever is running in your head."
"Nothing's running in my head."
"Really?"
Ulrich twitched his nose, looking down through it before averting his eyes from me. "I don't want you to get hurt."
"You are sweet, but why do you think I'll get hurt?" I knew that I was already on the road destined to fall for a straight gentleman, but Ulrich didn't need to know that.
"Taehyung sir... Is... I don't want to say it... I thought it was only a stupid crush, but you seem serious and it wouldn't be fair if I didn't say it now," I nodded at him once, urging him to continue. "He's never been serious with anyone. I've seen him myself in the pictures that Rosenow has. He always has a new guy with him every few months. I thought you'd see for yourself, or maybe you are also in for a casual thing, but he hasn't been around with many people lately. Maybe he's busy, or secretive, but the point is, you are anything but casual."
"My dear sweet boy," I held his cheeks and squeezed them.
"Thiz iz wha I ge fo helhing you?" He asked, unable to form words properly due to the hollow gap between his lips because of my hold.
"Thanks," I kissed his forehead to tease him. "I promise you that Taehyung Hyung can't hurt me," I added.
It was Jimin, it will always be Jimin to ruin my existence.
**
I called Taehyung Hyung for the first time tonight since he gave me his number a few weeks ago and he was more than happy to rescue us. As we waited outside the seniors' dorm gate, Ulrich shivered. I slung an arm around him, wanting to say something when Hyung appeared, rushing to us.
He was in an attractive cotton shirt with a straight collar and baby blue trousers. It was totally a summer outfit, and he wasn't even looking like he was cold. I inhaled alcohol on his breath. "Hey," he hugged me, which I felt a bit weird. Then he patted Ulrich's shoulder. "So good to see you. I've missed you."
I laughed. "We met just yesterday for soccer practice."
"Well," he snorted, "yesterday isn't today."
Ulrich gave me a look and I controlled the urge to roll my eyes. We walked inside, and I was about to make an excuse to get into A-13, but Taehyung Hyung continued to make his way to Jimin's room without my interference. "Wait," Ulrich spoke with fear in my ear. "Not Jimin sir's room."
I gripped his fingers so tight to hush him that my own ring started digging around my bones.
The moment the door to his room opened, I might as well have didn't come.
There were six people inside, and out of all the spaces, Rosenow had to be sitting on Jimin's lap.
Who was I kidding? They must fuck all the time.
But when the display was in front of my eyes, I felt nauseated. Good thing I hadn't eaten anything, otherwise I would have been vomiting my intestines out.
"Hey," the bitch had the audacity to grin at us, but at least she got up. My eyes went to Jimin's and he met mine for only a moment before he stood up and waddled away.
Rosenow walked over in our direction, her attention on Taehyung. I wish these two could make a pair and leave Jimin to me.
Jimin's dorm was too big for him, but with nine people, it seemed crowded. Ulrich settled on one of the couches and I continued to stare at the big man, Christoph. He was the tallest among all of us. Then there was a blonde doll, Anja, a tiny little thing who must have been five-foot-one. Rosenow was five-foot-six, easily. She had darker hair, her face was innocent but attractive, and I hated her for it.
In the room full of people, I found him. If there was a world full of chaos, I'd still uncover him. "Hyung," I nodded, trying to smile as I entered the kitchen.
"Jungkook," he was serving food on a plate, and looking at it, my stomach growled. I looked down.
"Didn't you eat?" Hyung laughed.
Honest to fucking god my heart stopped. His first smile was for me and no one else. If it meant staying hungry for the rest of my life — well... I'd at least fast once or twice because I can't live without food — I would. I was sure I fell for him more at that moment. His smile was prettier than his laugh. He looked so soft, so ethereal. His hair was light pink like cotton candy, falling over his fair skin of the forehead as his straight and white teeth glimmered under the light.
"I didn't eat," I mumbled, lost in him. I didn't care if he was putting up a show in favor of my stubbornness. It was enough that he wasn't finding ways to bolt. When he looked up, my hand reached to set a strand of pink getting into his eye. My cold fingers touched his hot skin and the blood thumping in my body froze with my lungs.
He didn't flinch but definitely pulled away. "I didn't know Tae was bringing you. I'd have ordered extra," he turned to pick a fork from the stand. "You can have it. I'll order something later."
"Let's both eat." The universe had a way of humor. We circled back to the exact metaphorically same dinner.
"It's okay," he extended the plate and practically shoved it in my hand, his palm gently grazed my shoulder, but the action didn't cram any desire, it was a kind gesture on his behalf, his eyes twinkling with the need to feed his guest. "Please eat, Jungkook." His smile turned sincere and responsible. "I'll order right away."
"Please, Hyung," I gulped, not knowing my urge was for him to accept the food or my thumping heart. He listened.
Picking the fork, he twirled it in pasta and had one bite. My eyes continued to watch as the metal disappeared behind those lips before grazing them softly while emerging back. I snatched the fork back, my hand intentionally faring another touch. "Jimin," I nabbed the fork tighter, and my gaze fell in the direction of the voice.
Rosenow.
She snatched the smile that was just for me.
"We need more food," I heard Hyung say, a bit rattled. "Come on, what do you wanna eat?" He tried to take her out of the kitchen in a hurry, but she said something while I continued to stand there and be a good mannequin.
Her steps neared me, sounding like dynamite to my migraine. "Jungkook," she said. In all these months, she never interacted with me directly before.
I looked up at her, trying to show my hatred, but my heart was quivering so much that my face must've only shown my predicament. "Isn't he kind?" Her voice was calm, figured out.
I didn't answer.
"He's always worrying about other people. Doesn't try to save trouble for himself."
The frozen blood turned acid. I couldn't open my mouth.
"The good thing is, I know how to take care of my man."
Explosions inside me.
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15 Mar, 2023
Chapter 17: Fundraiser and football practise
Chapter Text
Taehyung
"Where is Jungkook?" I asked Wolfgang, unsure what must be keeping the boy away from practice.
"I don't know," the masculine captain answered while pulling up the socks. He stood up from the bench and huffed, stretching his muscles. "He's been slacking, Kim. I know he's a good kid and got strength unlike some his age, but he's still a kid, irresponsible at times. His running is weak. He still needs to work on it."
"I'll go check." I paced back immediately, rushing to my locker to get my phone out. While I was dialing Jungkook, the crowd started hollering behind me. To block the noises out, I decided to leave the locker room from the back door and stepped out into the darker area behind the playground.
The bell rang, but Jungkook didn't pick up.
Where are you?
I left a text and began to prowl back and fro. My eyes moved to my phone screen and then back to the darkness ahead. The high lamp lights cast illumination after being shrouded by the dense leaves of the rugged trees.
When Wolfgang yelled my name, I looked back to see that he was howling in laughter, slapping his knees as he did. Jimin also entered the locker room at the same time. I trodded back, looking at his phone screen along with Jimin.
There was Jungkook's semi-nude picture on the Uni's Yammer group with a caption. 'Fundraiser for a good cause. One picture for fifty euros.'
Jimin looked up at my confused face, and a spluttering noise erupted from his throat before he slapped his palm up to his mouth. "I am not laughing." He laughed through the sentence. "Seriously, I am not laughing."
I snatched Wolfgang's phone and hid the post. "Your goofball is all over the group, man. You only hid it on my screen. What about hundreds of others?" He protested.
I slammed the phone back into his chest and sauntered out of the room the next moment. "It seems we aren't practicing tonight," the captain sighed behind.
"Beers then?" The quarterback of the team yelled from somewhere.
"No drinking on weekdays!" Wolfgang disregarded, going all captain mode. He let the boys party till they dropped, but never during the practice season. He believed every bit in the discipline. If anyone listened to anyone aside from the coach, it was the captain. "Everybody! Give me twenty rounds!"
"Not again."
"Oh, man!"
And expletives flurried out from all around, but one more bark from Wolfgang and a room full of testosterone was running out, including Jimin.
I paced onwards, nodding my head at the second years and first years. A few of the girls giggled as I passed by their groups. I've always been the charming guy in my group. Everyone knew that Jimin didn't talk much, Christoph was grumpy, Hoseok was a bookworm, and the girls had a league of their own, but I... I put up a well-disposed picture in front of everyone.
That was exactly how I gained popularity so quickly. They thought I was the best out of them all, but what they really didn't know was that I was as good as Beelzebub.
9-A. That was his dorm.
I've known it since he arrived here, since he's devoured my senses to the brink of insanity, but it was the first time in months that I appeared in front of it.
I knocked hard, once, and waited.
The rustle of the movement behind the door had me growing impatient. It took two whole minutes for Jungkook to open the door. "H-hyung," he tried to hide his nervousness with a broken smile. "Come- come in." Stepping aside, he swung the door open.
"You didn't show up at the practice?" I didn't care to mask the coarseness in my tone, my hands folded against my chest.
"Oh," he bumped his head with his hand, affirming his belatedness. " I completely forgot. Wolf is going to kill me now. "
I raised my brow at him.
"I - I mean sir. Wolfgang sir."
I took my time to look around the setup behind him inside the room. The two tiny beds cramped in the corners, and the side tables kissed each other in the middle. The odd and unfitting bean bag sprawled by the study table and a camera on a tripod by one bed. "I saw your picture." I squinted at him, unnerving him, wanting him to say everything. "Why?"
"Ah," he laughed dismissively, his neck turning crimson. "I need some money."
"Jungkook," my tone had disbelief clearly dancing in it. "You are telling me that I've never seen you repeat an outfit in four months, and you need charity bits by selling your appearance? For what?"
He tensed, his brows furrowing. "I can't say it. But I do need it for a genuine cause."
"I'll help you, but shut up the shop. Not like this. You aren't selling your body pictures." My tone might have sounded more commanding than I intended it to. The moment I said it, I regretted it, especially when his frown deepened.
"I am sorry, Hyung. But you can't tell me how to earn some extra bucks. I know you've helped me... You have helped us, but you still have no right over me."
I opened my mouth to say something but closed it. The anger came in and went out of his eyes and my heart cinched. I didn't want him to think of me as an unbearable man who imposed his thoughts on others. I didn't. Because I hardly gave a shit to anyone to do that.
"As a student council president," I didn't want to use faux power against him, but jealously was on autopilot now. "I am afraid I won't allow it." I lurked in, snatched the camera off his tripod, looked at his robe with what must've looked like disdain on my face, and walked right out.
He was too stunned to move.
The moment I let the door shut behind me, I panicked. "What the fuck! What the fuck! What the hell did I just do?!" I screamed, risking being a laughingstock if people saw me like this.
I didn't walk, but jogged back to my dormitory, straight to Jimin's room after unlocking it with code. Jimin wasn't there. Of course, he wasn't. Wolf had them taking rounds.
Jimin didn't even like soccer. He was an extra. And he almost never played unless there was a player injured. I waited, rummaging through his snack inventory for the week.
I never bought anything for myself, knowing well that I couldn't make the snacks last for more than one night. Jimin had discipline in place. Just so he couldn't eat more sweets than required, he bought a certain size of chocolate, a smaller one. Everything had a system in this room. With a measurement water bottle and a tidy bookshelf, he was organized to a T.
After what seemed like only a few minutes of stress eating, Jimin walked in, his face and hair completely drenched. "Fuck. I fucked up." I yelled out.
"You did," he huffed, pointing at the crumbs of cookies on his bed and the empty candy wrappers on the floor. "Would you like a quick death or should I go fetch Christoph to sit on your chest?"
"Very funny," I jumped down from the bed. "Jungkook. I am not sure if he'll even want to see my face ever again." I slurred as I ate up the space between us, clinging to his arms.
His brow twitched now. "What did you do?" He started looking around as if I'd kidnapped Jungkook and brought him here.
"I told him he wasn't allowed to post pictures. Gosh! It's too bad, Jimin-ie. He must be thinking of me as a douchebag. I have to go back." I was suddenly passing by him when he grabbed my arm and flung me back. I stumbled but composed myself without hitting the floor. Motherfucker. He and his secret muscle strength.
"You'll only worsen the situation," his tone concerned now. "Now tell me exactly what did you do?"
Jungkook
I couldn't believe I'd get trampled on like that. Thank fuck it was Taehyung Hyung. Had Jimin Hyung barged in here like that and demanded I take off my post, I'd have looked so miserably stupid doing it.
I was still dealing with the aftermath when my body jerked and I looked at the door. My eyes widened when I saw Jimin Hyung entering.
Okay. What the actual fuck! For real this time. The assault of Tonka beans and Dahlias on my nose choked my breath. He was fresh out of the shower. Either that or I was ascending to heaven.
"I am sorry I let myself in," he pointed his thumb back at the door behind him. "There are people gathering outside and I didn't want to invite unnecessary attention." He still didn't move, as if waiting for my permission to let him in.
"You're really here?" I asked loud enough for him to hear. His brows touched his hairline in a questioning manner.
I shrieked, running around to clear up the space on the bed. "Please, please, Hyung" I panted, "come sit."
His hand went to his hair, then back to his neck as he held his nape for a moment, but to my comfort, chose to walk and sit at the place I offered. There was hesitation in his steps that I couldn't ignore. Hell must've sent all devils to earth if he was here. Willingly. In my room.
"I've heard from Taehyung what happened. Know that it wasn't his intention to... Threaten you. He was just worried. These sort of things," he looked away, held his gaze at the ceiling then back at me. "Don't tread well in the long run."
"I understand," I found myself disappointed. Of course, he was here for a reason. "I only wanted to help someone."
"Help who?" He looked at me curiously.
I didn't know if it was him asking me something or if was it his own relationship with Ulrich that had me spilling like a broken jar. "Ulrich is working some part-time jobs and I promised I'd help him raise some money for his next year. I could simply ask my parents, but he won't accept it."
"I see," Jimin looked down at his hands and then he exhaled. "You can always try a different part-time job yourself." He told me, a little amusement in his pretty smile.
"Me?" I sounded atrocious to my own ears. "I mean... I am not very fluent in German," I laughed. "Who would hire me?"
"You were pretty fluent when you talked to me," he contradicted, not unkindly. "I know a shoe store. I can help you." He offered. Licked his lips without having any idea what that did to me.
"How do you know a shoe store?"
"I've worked there myself," he was smiling bigger now. I watched his one dimple. He looked as if he was almost proud of me for some reason. He returned to me the camera that Taehyung Hyung had taken with him a while ago.
"Give me your number," he said.
That was it. My heart plunged into my throat. I had Hyung's number learned by memory. I blackmailed Ulrich into giving me a long time back. Then he thought of something and said, "I don't have my phone right now. But write me yours on paper."
"Yes," I got to my feet immediately, rushing to the study table. My hands were so clammy that I had to smooth them on my pajamas twice. They wobbled as I scribbled the digits down and held them out for Hyung.
He chuckled at me, but his expression gave way to the adoration one might feel after seeing a toddler doing a trick, or, a birthday clown. I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all.
Later that night when I finally laid down after Ulrich slept, I received a text from him, his number already saved on my phone.
Future Boyfie: Hey, it's Jimin. Here's the number of the store owner. Good luck :)
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20 Mar, 2023
Chapter 18: Exist on this earth
Chapter Text
In a room equipped with a few chairs and nothing, it was a bit dark, only a few lights by two of the one doors in a dimly lit area were on. Jungkook sat in one of the chairs smiling timidly at the small screen. The little white light coming from the camera screen was illuminating his black eyes.
Hearing a noise by the door, he pulled his hand down and whipped his neck around. "Can I come in?" A blonde and younger-looking boy asked, his hands folded behind his back as his knees bucked to launch himself ahead.
"Come in, Frans," Jungkook smiled, jutting him in towards the chairs. "You don't require my permission for entry anywhere here."
Frans grinned, his silver septum ring shining as he stepped directly under the light. "What were you watching?" He asked without meaning to pry.
Jungkook laughed as he watched him slipping from the chair before he balanced himself. The 19-year-old was too cheerful for his own good. He spread the light so luminous, it shrouded the general gloom in Jungkook's life for a while. His hand flipped to show the video that was playing without sound.
Frans leaned in, watching with utmost attention at a group of eight men standing on top of a round, rotating platform and the camera shot them while they laughed and made funny faces. His eyes were especially stuck on Jungkook, who looked much younger than his 26-year-old current self, and also much more jubilant. "Woah! When was this taken?" He asked, suddenly popping the chewing gum in his mouth.
"I was working on the senior's yearbook. We shot a lot of things." Jungkook let a nostalgic smile consume him. "These are my seniors."
Before Frans could focus on others, the screen blackened and another video started playing. This was too without sound, and black and white. Frans jaws unhinged as he admired both the muse and the director of the clip. There was a man who was laughing and walking on a terrace, his ensemble looked white, or at least Frans imagine it to be. The air was the man's friend as it glided with him, giving more power to him, whisking his hair in just a way to capture anyone in the allure of it. "This one's retro. Is it an old clip?"
"Will you believe it if I said that this man walks and talks on the same earth at the same time as we do?" Jungkook asked, his smile bleak, sad even.
"No way! Dude!" Another bubble and then pop. "How could you possibly shoot this and didn't fall in love with him?" Wide eyes looked at Jungkook and then Frans' mouth stopped chewing. "You did," he said slowly, gaze turning to the ground. "This is Jimin. Isn't he? I - I am sorry. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to-"
Jungkook brushed Frans' hair roughly with his fingers, the made-up smile returning to save the boy from his despondency. "Don't worry about it, kid. It's been a long time. Six years long."
Frans looked up hesitantly, his eyes teary. Jungkook hugged him. When he was brought into the facility, he wasn't more than eighteen. Jungkook became fond of him instantly, talking to him, knowing that his story wasn't much different from his own, and sharing his special snacks with him, but he always made sure their equation remained secretive.
Frans nodded, hugging Jungkook back and staying in his arms for a moment. "When do you leave?" His voice was small.
"In two weeks," Jungkook pulled away and dug in his pocket to find anything.
"You'll send me pictures of Gwangan beach?" Frans demanded.
"Of course," Jungkook chuckled and handed him a bar of Toblerone.
Frans sniffled and stuffed the chocolate in his uniform pocket. "And the art museum?"
"I'll send you anything. I'll even take you when you are out. I'll only be one text away." Jungkook smiled.
"I know," Frans grinned, but the fear still peeked out from his eyes, fear of being alone.
**
Jimin was smoking in the front yard.
Rose was watching him through the window.
Jimin put the smoke out when Rose called his phone number. He put it against his ear. "Hey, are you okay?" He was already rushing back inside.
"Why were you smoking?" Rose asked, stopping him in his steps, but then he exhaled, his fist opening and then closing as he walked up to their bedroom.
"STOP!" Rose screamed in panic. "You can't come in here like that. Iseul." She whispered the last sentence.
Jimin nodded, irritated at Rose and irritated that he was irritated when she was right. He couldn't get near his baby with traces of smoke lingering around him. Walking up to the guest bedroom on the ground floor, he discarded his clothes on the floor, put his phone by the vanity, and stepped into the shower.
As he washed away the day's sweat and germs from the hospital, he felt heavier. Headache licked his temples as he washed his hair. Brushing his mouth, he started flossing and when he was done with the whole regime, he chose the pajama set from the armoire and stepped out.
As he made his way toward the small stroller, his eyes suddenly shone and the headache disappeared as if it didn't exist, to begin with. Iseul was looking at him with his beady, black eyes, and plump lips drooling. Jimin laughed. "Aish," he picked the baby up in his arms carefully and crouched on the floor.
The shame and mortification on his shoulders were weighing him extensively and he could seldom manage a hearty laugh, except when Iseul was staring back at him with no sense of the world, yet the infant made Jimin feel that he was putting all his trust in him like he was his whole world. "My Iseul's very pretty today," he spoke in a baby voice and the boy only blinked, trying to make noises. "Very pretty. So handsome. Mommy fed you well. Hm? Mommy fed you well."
The plump and tiny lips stretched and Jimin felt as though someone held a shade over his head on a hot sunny day. He brought the boy close, careful to support his head and his neck, and he smelled him deeply and giggled softly. "My boy." He still couldn't believe he helped make him.
When Rose's hand touched his shoulder, he looked up. Her face had worry written all over it. He got up, carrying Iseul, his arm patting him lightly and softly. "Let me put him to sleep," he asked softly, knowing they had to talk.
Rose nodded, covering the scarf tighter around her body. She smelled faintly of Dahlias and Jimin realized it was a new scent that she must've recently started wearing.
Putting Iseul in his crib, he stood there for a few minutes to ensure that he slept. When he paced back to bed, Rose was on the edge, rubbing a hand over her feet. Jimin sat beside her, taking the feet in his lap and massaging it. "Does it hurt, honey?" He asked.
"Mm," Rose moaned as Jimin's fingers massaged the heel and toes. "I get tired easily now." She nodded.
"You should rest more," he told her. Their normal conversations happened on low decibels now as they practically hushed into each other's ears.
"Are you okay?" She asked. "I am worried about you. You only smoke when there's something troubling you."
"Working again after paternity leave is tough. Being away from Iseul for such long hours... I didn't think about this before," Jimin laughed in a sad manner. "I am sorry for worrying you." He apologized, now increasing the pressure on her feet.
Rose moaned again, her palm clutching Jimin's shoulder as she inched near him. "Jimin," her voice needy.
"Yes, honey," Jimin mumbled, his lips spreading in a knowing smile. "Are you getting turned on with our son in the same room?"
"He won't find out," Rose laughed, her cheeks gaining color.
"Lay down," Jimin asked her, taking the remote to turn off the AC.
"No," she opposed. "No... You lay down, or stand up here." She pointed in front of her.
"Rose, no... I am good." Jimin denied it, but Rosenow's hands were already guiding the man onto the bed. She wasn't allowed to have intercourse for sixty days, but she could please her husband orally. One of the reasons she thought why Jimin was stressed lately could be sexual frustration.
In honesty, Jimin did. A little bit. Six months during pregnancy and then two months for recovery was a lot of time. Man had his needs. He lied down and let Rose take off his pants, helping her by getting them off entirely.
He hissed when he felt warmth around his penis, the slippery feeling making him moan as he closed his eyes and forgot about the other things. Rose began slowly and then worked up higher.
Jimin had to keep his groans low. It took him some time, but when he orgasmed, it felt like his eyesight turned a little better. Touching himself was different, but having someone bring a climax to him was surreal, especially when it happened to be after a long period of celibacy.
Forehead dotted with sweat, Rose was huffing, smiling at the ceiling. "That was amazing," she heard Jimin before she felt his hand on her waist.
Slowly by slowly, her lower body was naked, on display for her husband. "You don't have to." She mumbled, feeling conscious of her postpartum body.
"Why'd you say that?" Jimin was hovering above her, his heart twisting.
"I don't look like before anymore."
Guilt. Too much guilt. It consumed Jimin like smoke. It was everywhere, his hair, lungs, mouth, and blood. He has been so distracted, and vehement in his own mind that he wasn't there enough for his wife, to help her feel that she was still beautiful, to get out of her insecurities. Even if his feelings for her weren't what once was, she was still his responsibility. He still deeply cared for her.
He hated himself. He wished he could forget about Jungkook. He told himself that Jungkook didn't matter, he reprimanded himself that Jungkook was an anomaly and that everything would find its original path if he just carried on, crossed one more milestone, and lived one more day, but it wasn't going to happen. Lately, the more he tried to push Jungkook's thoughts under the rug, the more they bounced back at him, which was the worse timing.
Not only Jimin has been married for six years, but he also had a son now, and he had no other option than to swallow the bitter pills for the mistakes he didn't commit, so he moved down, determined to show his wife that he still cared, that he would do his duty of being a husband. And he made her happy, satisfied.
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27 Mar, 2023
Chapter 19: Notice the teenage boy
Chapter Text
Jungkook
Earning money was not easy. I repeat. This was not a drill.
I took on the job as an experiment to see how Jimin made it through, and if I made some money out of it, I could always help Ulrich, but w orking in the shoe department had to be the most boring job one could ever find. I sat around, smiled as customers walked in, looked at myself in the floor-length mirrors, and helped the customers with ugly toes and stinky feet to put on shoe covers.
I was losing my goddamn mind and it has only been a week.
Ulrich was surprised I took the job, to begin with. "I am betting you won't last one week." He had said. I had to prove my point, so I did stick here.
Another reason was that I wanted Jimin's approval. So far my track record hasn't really been really good with him. He must have thought of me as a spoiled and wild child, disrespectful and headstrong, who doesn't care about anyone, who doesn't respect sexual boundaries, but ever since he showed up in my room that night, even for Taehyung Hyung, his opinions about me seemed to have changed.
Although the stiffness in his body still stayed around me, he started doing a better job at not running away from the sight of me. In fact, he bought me coffee last week in the cafeteria. Sure, it wasn't specifically for me, he was buying it for everyone, and I happened to 'pass by,' but he did, which counts.
One time, he saved me his treadmill during the rush hour at the gym.
Another time, he saved me a seat next to him during the lunch break.
We seemed to be falling into a peaceful territory now. He still didn't let his guard down entirely, but he wasn't the same Jimin from before either. We were friendly-ish with each other.
I also decided to tone down my actions. I scared him a lot with my impulsive expression of feelings. He needed his sweet time, and I needed a solid plan because my feelings alone didn't worth jack shit to him. I couldn't keep being stupid. I needed to be strategic.
He wouldn't be wrong to think of me as a wild child. I secretly always was. But I had to keep pushing the brakes before because of my father, but now? I loved the liberty of it all.
As I was walking back to the dormitory, I decided to stop and buy some sparkling water for us for our study session. It helped with sleep. Semester exams were on our asses and we had to do good. Ulrich studied much more than I did, but I was confident I'd score well. The first semester wasn't all that difficult so far if I was being honest, but we knew what was ahead, and people were using the easier days as a headstart for the bumpy road ahead. I was the only one who slept for seven hours a night these days.
When I entered the store, a girl I spotted in a uniform was rushing to the back of the department. The place was almost empty, and only one billing counter was active. I saw a few more young boys and girls rushing back, giggling, and then I heard distant shrieking. It was an enthusiastic kind.
I smiled at the boy with bronze skin. "That's twenty-one euros," he spoke in a thick accent.
I handed him the money. "What's happening back there?" I asked.
He only shook his head while mumbling "nothing," but I was curious. These people were clearly the workers, and they didn't look as miserable as I was at my job.
"Do you guys have a job here? I am also looking for one." I asked him.
Something stuck in his throat as he carefully checked my clothes and my accessories before nodding his head begrudgingly. "If you want, I can talk to the boss. He'll come in the afternoon tomorrow."
"Sure," I grinned, overly enthusiastic about it. "Please show me what's happening there."
"You cannot tell anyone," he warned, looking straight at the camera.
I gestured to lock the zipper on my lips and put the keys in my pocket. "You go there first. I'll lock up and come get you."
I walked away, looking through the shelves to make it seem I was searching for some more stuff. The boy came back quickly and whispered "follow me" before rushing ahead.
I noticed there weren't any cameras in this storage area. What I saw ahead had me laughing. "Is this a slumber party or something?" I asked.
"Oh," he shook his head, eyes flinching. "Over time, I added things from departments. Pillows, blankets, lamps, and a foot massager... Then we started stocking it with all our snacks. No one knew it was there for months. I was basically living here. But people found out and now they take hour shifts and come here to take a nap or study and the others keep an eye out and do all the work."
Admiration found its way to me. He managed to make a cozy corner for himself, probably risking his job. "Do you want to come inside?"
I shook my head. "I better get going. But thanks for showing me your cozy corner."
"Oh wait," he said. "I'll come with you."
He ushered me out of the store and then flipped the open sign. I walked silently to the dorm, loving the burning cold on my exposed skin. After entering the campus, I whipped around to look everywhere. Senior dormitories on my right were lit like London's eye. Lights on. Of course, everyone must have been studying.
Our sports were on hold. We no longer had practice. The cafeteria had a few students buzzing like flies around leftovers. I walked there directly and picked up food to take to our room.
At last, when I approached my room, I released a sigh. I needed a hot shower and some food in me. And then I thought I'd text Jimin.
Working in a place he referred me had created a silent understanding between us, which I didn't share with anybody else. I'd texted him immediately after getting the job, asking him if he'd let me say thank you to him by buying him a meal, but he had said to save up my money.
Since then, the job gave me an excuse to share a few texts with him on a daily basis.
Ulrich wasn't here yet, so I set up the food on the counter to heat it later and tossed the water bottles in the fridge. I took an average-length shower and got out of the bathroom. Jimin was sitting on Ulrich's bed.
And I was in a towel.
FUCK!
He looked at me. I looked at him.
He looked away. I kept looking at him.
"I am so sorry. I should apologize, but you really need to start locking your door, Jungkook."
I didn't know what to say, so I lunged ahead and locked the door. His cheeks gained tint. "I- I should come back..." he pointed at me, getting up from the bed. "When- when you are decent."
"Please stay. " I was going to give myself a special treat because my voice didn't shake.
He did.
He sat back while I grabbed the first pair of clothes I could find and then dashed back inside the bathroom. When I walked out, he looked at me, finally breathing.
Jimin
Jungkook. There was something about him. He was a man. I was a man. There wasn't anything indecent about a man in a towel. But since it was Jungkook who had made it too obvious for me to spare me a scope to pretend not to know his evident desire for me, I couldn't help it.
He once said he didn't know how to behave around attractive people. Ironically, I wasn't sure since then how to behave around him even when he has been a perfectly fine gentleman. It was absurd.
Maybe it had to do with the fact that he had made advances on me in the past despite being aware of my girlfriend, and knowing that my best friend liked him. Wait, did he know about Taehyung's feelings? I never thought about that.
What was even more accursed was that I suddenly noticed how good-looking he really was. I don't think I've ever looked at him like that before and noticed him as I did right now.
He was always dressed with pizzazz. His wardrobe was impressive and he had a variety in his collection. Taehyung was an open bisexual, but he didn't dress up in a feminine way, but Jungkook did sometimes. I noticed. It wasn't like he wore girly clothes, but some fittings or the type of fabric he wore added to that appeal.
Maybe because Jungkook was gay he had such a good fashion sense. While many people thought men wearing silk blouses was ridiculous, I could appreciate it.
But right now, he wasn't in any tip-top clothing. His hair has always been a bit messy, but the wet hair right now looked ragged on him. I didn't know why I was noticing him. I couldn't keep my eyes from taking a good look at his pink lips against his porcelain skin. The black star under the pink shadow. He was delicate. He was delicate in the most unobvious ways.
"What is it, Hyung?" His brows were a bit furrowed, cheeks flushed. He was gulping. My eyes traced the movement of his neck, then the bare shoulder bone and a mole underneath.
" I actually needed to give you something, but I need you to be silent about it."
His eyes twinkled in a way that was surreal. It couldn't be a 17-year-old boy sitting in front of me. There was no way a teenager could hold an innocence like that. Did he even know about himself? "I promise." He smiled.
"For Ulrich."
I sighed, giving a break to my mind from all the scrutiny. "Here," I extended the check over to him. His hands, and fingers, so delicate. This kid was a living oxymoron. How could he break bones on the soccer field — not even an exaggeration because he did break an opponent's wrist during a heated moment — and hold a piece of paper with such exactitude that he was afraid of hurting it? I noticed one more thing. He was a left-hander.
I was in his room this time by my choice. I found myself pleasantly surprised by that other side of him that I'd discovered by accident. It was caring and mature which was quite a contrast to his usual bright scheme. Nonetheless, I felt the heat crawl up my spine and I knew I had to get out of there. This was bad. I got up, cupping my nape, and flashed an unsure smile at him. He was still looking at the check when he looked up suddenly. Stood up. "Um... You should- you should stay. This is really helpful. Thank you. Thank you, Hyung. I wanna do something too. Please stay."
I could see how overwhelmed he was. I smiled. "I'll let you treat me to a meal some other day."
"Oh," he tried to gulp and exhale at the same time and a strange noise came out of him. He couldn't hide his smile after. "I'd be happy to. Please let me know whenever you are free."
"I will," I said. "But probably after exams. And you'll have to do something for me in return."
"Do what?" He asked, his frown appearing.
"I'll have you know soon, Jungkook."
It became so clear how important it was to him to have a meal with me. I didn't want to do this, and I was hating Taehyung for it. He was the one who kept pushing me to talk to Jungkook and slip the junior something about him to see his reaction on whether he was still angry about the camera. It was safe to say that Jungkook had created his distance from him after the whole fundraiser thing. I did, however, want to help Ulrich, but the whole meal thing was impromptu. I didn't want Jungkook to feel led on.
I still had a girlfriend whom I liked very much and the last time I checked, I was still a straight man.
Things with Rosenow had started two and a half years ago. We met in our first year. Our alliance formed during the second semester of the same year. Taehyung used to tell me that she was looking at me, and then to catch her looking at me, I started looking at her. We couldn't help but detect the tension building, but not wanting to act on it at first, I ignored it.
One day when we were just starting the second year, Taehyung asked me to meet at a new waffle place near the liquor store. I was waiting for him, but he didn't show up. Instead, Rose came with her friend to the same place. I was dialing Taehyung's number aggressively, sitting alone when she invited me to join them.
Her friend left later on, but we continued to talk. We didn't have much in common except that she was always silent in class, just like me. However, at that time, we couldn't stop talking and laughing. Our vibes matched, and we clicked. That was probably the first time we talked to each other without our whole group present.
We started making plans without our friends, and one day, I couldn't ignore whatever was happening to us, so I asked her to be exclusive, to be my girlfriend. Taehyung thought it was too soon, and I did too, but we were happy at that moment.
I didn't know what the future held for us, but I was committed to her.
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3 Apr, 2023
Chapter 20: Fathers are a different breed
Chapter Text
Jimin
Taehyung was in my room. We have prepared quiz cards for our weekly subjects. "Pentavalent vaccine is made by?" I fired the question at him.
His face scrunched, but then I also heard distant sirens. Our eyes widened. "What in the world?"
Throwing our blankets aside, we stormed out and found many students in the corridors. "Fire! Fire!"
We heard it too. Fire alarms. Unsure about the wing in which the fire had started, we decided to get out of the dorm building.
There it was, thick smoke and dancing flashes of bright gold and orange. "Junior wing," Taehyung pointed and my eyes enlarged. Ulrich and Jungkook were there. Fuck.
Our footsteps took us there, but the internal firefighting committee was there, too, restricting anyone who was trying to get close.
The whole corridor of the rooms was blocked with hovering smoke with no clear sight to cleave our way through it. "Is there any casualty?" We both asked the man with a fire extinguisher, but there was chaos around. People yelling. Coughing. He didn't hear us, or if he did, he didn't care to respond.
My heart was uncontrollable. Forgotten was cold as we stood there in only our t-shirts and pajamas. It was through the thick smoke that a group emerged, all in neon safety jackets around them. "Jungkook," I spotted him. My mouth left his name as I grabbed Taehyung's skin to gain his focus.
His eyes were wild as he must've been planning how to find another route for entry. I had to jostle him out of it before we ran around the traffic cones that they had placed on the ground to make a partition.
Once the students were out, the team didn't bother to check them. Their priority right now was to get as many students out who were still stuck inside.
As we rushed to the group, a few other seniors also joined us. " Medical help was on the way after our internal system collapsed. There were more students than our medical rooms could accommodate. " I heard from one of my classmates, who was also at the site.
"Until the team comes, we can help them all." I was torn between whom to attend first, but Jungkook took one look at me and he fell into my arms. Of course, he wasn't still on talking terms with Taehyung, but I didn't think the result would be any different if he was.
How would I stop him from coming after me? But that was the question for later.
I chanced a glance at Taehyung who nodded at me, holding Ulrich. We supported the two juniors, bringing them away into the fresh air. They were wheezing, their skin had carbon residue, and on closer inspection, we found their nostrils all black. It was taking them a great deal of effort to cough. "It's okay, you are safe now. I'll help you." I kept repeating it.
These boys were in the first year and they still had to learn, but being in the fourth year, we were taught by now to aid in cases of snake bite, second-degree burns, fractures, poisoning, and anxiety attacks.
We took them back to my room. Jungkook fell on the bed while Ulrich rushed up to the washroom to throw up. He was in pain. Jungkook was also in pain. More than pain, he looked terrified.
I filled the bowl with tap water and took a washcloth.
"Hey, hey, Jungkook," I sat beside him, my palm soothing his cheek while I used water to clean him up. His hair was thrown back on the bed, his eyes red-rimmed as his tears rolled out. He was shaken.
"Hyung," he called once and got up, holding his ribs. Before I could take control of the situation, he clung to me like I was his savior. His shaking chest and his small sniffles twisted something inside my chest. I held him back, tight.
Taehyung was rubbing Ulrich's back in the bathroom. When the younger stopped coughing, my friend returned to check up on Jungkook. He stopped by the bathroom door, watching Jungkook clinging to me with pain written on his face. I didn't know I was rocking Jungkook's body in mine.
No, I definitely didn't want anything happening to Jungkook. The realization spoke more than words ever could. I wasn't a monster. Of course, I wouldn't wish any of my juniors to be hurt, but these two were close to me and our group. Maybe I was biased, but it was clear that I hated seeing them in pain.
But tending to Jungkook still felt like I was doing something wrong for some reason.
T aehyung approached us slowly, his hand touching Jungkook's shoulder, but the boy was resistant.
When Taehyung managed to pull him away, I immediately rushed towards the bathroom to check on Ulrich.
I watched as Jungkook hid his face in Taehyung's crook of the neck before I closed the door behind me.
**
I opened my eyes, startled by the noise. Thinking that whoever it was would leave if I didn't move was wrong. Bangs turned louder. I groaned. "Tae," my voice hoarse. "Go check."
I heard Tae falling from the bed before the frantic rustle of blankets ceased. The lock of the door twisted and I heard faint vocals. Whoever it was, his tone was serious and voice authoritative. It imbalanced my sleep and when I sat up, I found no one at the wide-open door.
Muttering a curse, I stalked down the hall. Taehyung's room was open and the same voice was coming from inside. I let myself walk closer and I stopped to see a man in a blood-red suit, perfectly pressed, with black boots, sitting on a chair, his back on me.
Jungkook was sitting up on the bed, his upper body bare while Ulrich was under covers.
Then I heard the man speak. "How are you now, son?"
Jungkook nodded. I realized he was the teen's father. His voice was soft and calm, yet Jungkook seemed out of it. I've never seen him this pulled together before. He was sitting straight, a streak of fear in his eyes. I wish I had the ability as a doctor to read feelings. I didn't like it. Reminded me too much of dinner conversation with my own father.
I've known my father to be a proper businessman for all my life. Investment. That was what he did. He invested money, exchanged stocks, rotated his capital, and loaned to people, basically, he knew everything there was about money. When I was three, he snatched the milk feeder from my hands, telling me I was too old to use it. When I was five, he taught me about assets and liabilities. When I turned nine, I learned to do my taxes. And when I turned thirteen, I understood the power of knowing how money worked.
When I got a taste of it. I wanted to be just like him. And he approved of me more than he did my younger brother, who wasn't exactly a prodigal son to my father. Jihyun was born with autism. He was highly functional, but he didn't speak much. He was an extraordinary painter at a young age, but my father didn't understand the language of colors and brushes.
I wanted to help and sell my brother's paintings after growing up. But when I turned fourteen, everything changed. Jihyun and my mother were in an accident. My father was supposed to pick them up from the airport, but due to heavy rain, he got stuck in an unmoving jam. He had instructed the driver to take another route and reach home, but they reached the hospital instead.
I was alone at home, waiting for them. Rather, I received a call and my father's friend knocked on my door. He took me to the hospital and I watched as my father broke down for the first time. He loved my mother more than anything.
He begged the doctors to help her. They tried their best, but couldn't save her, not entirely. She went into a coma indefinitely. Jihyun was saved, but he became more secluded after that. Wouldn't even talk to me.
My father didn't say it, but I could always see in his eyes that he mourned Jihyun's survival. He would have preferred if he died instead of the love of his life.
He came to me one night, his shoulders defeated, eyes battered, and looked at my mother's body on the bed, IVs attached to her hands. His hand squeezed my shoulder, and he said. "You'll become a doctor."
I looked up at him, thinking he was confused, that he was tired, and I sympathized with him. He said that I had to save my mother.
I noticed then. The changes.
He began to redirect my education. He'd hired a teacher to focus on teaching me biology. I wasn't supposed to watch the stock market news. I wasn't supposed to look at the bills or anything with numbers. I was slowly molded into this new life, but my mother passed the day I got into the university.
I wasn't really scared of my father, but I cared too much for his loss, sought affection from him, and wanted him to understand Jihyun and me, and I could feel that Jungkook was also the same with his father. Maybe he also didn't want to be a doctor, but he was afraid of disappointing his father. Maybe his father has also suffered, and Jungkook was afraid that he couldn't give him any more pain. I didn't know for sure.
I couldn't hear much and returned to my room, missing my father suddenly, wondering how was he doing. How was Jih doing?
The fear of doing well in the exam the next day was short-circuiting my brain. Taehyung returned to my relief. "What happened?" I asked.
"Tough shit, man," he groaned, rubbing his hands on his eyes, and then all over his face. "Jungkook's Appa is furious. He's going to take legal action against the university."
"Seems fair." I shrugged, my head pounding.
"He's quite a big name in Korea. I didn't know Jungkook is richer than two of our families combined."
I laughed at that. "Does Mr. Jeon scare you?"
"A little bit," Taehyung fell on the bed. "I don't know... How am I to ever impress that guy?"
"Jungkook or his father?" I was grinning now.
"Both of them. Jesus Fuck."
I patted his back. "For now, by clearing the exam," h e looked at me, his head still somewhere in the thought. "Are they fine?" I asked.
"Yeah," he nodded and then sniffled. "Mr. Jeon is moving the two to the VVIP dorms."
"Damn!" I chortled.
"Thanks, Jimin-ah," he spoke sincerely. "Thanks for looking out for Jungkook."
"Don't mention it." I nodded as we began starting our day. I knew I didn't look out for Jungkook because Taehyung expected me to. Just like Tae would be there for Rosenow if I was in the equation or not, I also had developed an understanding of normalcy with Jungkook. If Tae was not interested in him in the future, I was sure I'd still worry about Jungkook.
Though, I could see Tae was different this time. F or the first time, he was getting deeper into the rabbit hole without even realizing it. Everyone has thrown themselves on him as far as I can remember. But Jungkook was different. It was hard to get a read on him. He was bubbly, but I had come to understand what Shrek once said, he was like an onion, with layers, like me. No one has reached the inner layer yet.
Nonetheless, I didn't know what was going to happen next. I couldn't wait for the day if and when Tae found out that Jungkook had a thing for me. What would he do then?
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5 Jun, 2023
Chapter 21: Insecurities shake the core
Chapter Text
A little boy was flinging the waffle in his hands at the side of the street. Jungkook watched, his heart pounding so hard that it physically hurt as the world passed by from the passenger seat of the black beast of his motor BMW, or more precisely, his father's. "Son?" The soft voice startled him more than it should've. With wide eyes, he looked to his side. He could notice straight lines under the man's eyes, a few silver hairs peeking from underneath the perfectly combed black hair. "Your mother texted. She is asking what do you want to eat?"
Simple question. Domestic question. Yet Jungkook's tongue suddenly tied. He hasn't been asked what he wanted to eat for as long as he's left home to be on his own. He didn't know what he wanted to eat. He didn't know anything about himself anymore. God! He couldn't even say the name of the dishes he once drooled over. It seemed crazy to Jungkook as though the world had changed while he was locked up on one end of the world.
Everything moved on. New children born, people dead, and he was still stuck like a broken star, the darkness staying firm as he waited for the crash for the last six years.
"I'd like to get out, please," he asked in an unsteady voice, feeling the sensation in his chest, his body trembling as he controlled the soft noise that was willing to get out.
Mr. Jeon's forehead was brushed with creases. He feared. He willed his questions away. "Are you feeling okay?" His tongue began swelling as he looked at Jungkook's forehead sweating.
"Please," Jungkook repeated again, his left hand clutching into a fist.
"Stop the car," Mr. Jeon asked the driver.
The rumble of the engine softened and Jungkook opened the door near the sidewalk to get out. Mr. Jeon got out from his side and skirted to Jungkook's side. "Son, are you okay?"
"I need to be on my own."
The man looked unsure, unmoving.
"Please... I'll follow you home soon. Please, I want to be on my own for a while. I am okay." Jungkook blinked his eyes, trying to emerge from the blur. He couldn't see the color of the sky or hear any voice out of the cacophony of noises. Everything struck him all at once. But he heaved and breathed under the textured fabric of his blazer.
His steps began, taking him away from his father. The man's voice silenced and then he turned around, seeing his father standing on the other side of the road, his face pale as if he had seen a ghost walking.
Jungkook smiled at him.
Mr. Jeon's chest rose and fell as he trembled, but nodded at Jungkook nonetheless before getting back inside the car.
As the black vehicle left, Jungkook slumped down on the concrete road, breathing, looking at his textured black pants. His own skin looked foreign to him in a color that wasn't grey. His vision returned gently, his chest regulated, rhythm changed, and his hand unclenched.
He sat there, being a spectacle for people. Children giggled at him, and adults turned and looked at him sitting in the middle of the road in a black and expensive suit. He didn't mind the reactions. In fact, he felt curious to know what the prying eyes were seeing, what they were thinking about him. He didn't stand up until his tie stopped choking him.
When he did, he looked around. The first thing that caught his attention was a pair of glass doors. He walked closer to be able to read the sign. Polyc. It was written in Broadway format.
As he swung open the doors, he found himself in a different world.
The soft colors of the walls were calming. At the expanse of cream, numerous artistic designs were displayed. What he found were pictures of people modeling their tattoos, computer-generated designs, and hand-made art, all of which spoke to him.
The only issue he found with the place was the slow whirring of needles. It made him crush his molars together. "Would you like to get a tattoo, sir?" A man with a whole tattoo sleeve on his right hand approached Jungkook, holding a print of a design in black and red ink.
"Can you do it quickly?" Jungkook asked, not wanting to hear the whirring for long.
"If it isn't intricate design, sure," the man with the tattoo said, ushering Jungkook towards one of the many white leather chairs. "Do you have something in mind?"
It's going to be fine.
I am going to be fine.
I'll find a purpose again.
I'll try.
I'll live again.
"Hope." The word escaped Jungkook's lips, the sound soft and welcome to his ears. "I want to hope."
"Certainly," the man held the chair so Jungkook could settle in it. "Where do you want it and how big? I can show you some fonts."
As he turned to get the design papers from the drawers, Jungkook noticed a big mirror in front of him. His head raised slowly, but in the end, he couldn't find it in himself to raise his eyes too.
I'll look at myself one day.
Soon.
I will look at myself.
One day. When I am ready.
Timidly, he placed a finger at one font which had a twine underneath the word, supporting its weight. "This one."
After a few minutes of pain and a great deal of tolerating the whirring noise later, Jungkook got up and walked toward the counter. Only when he didn't stop and opened the door, his tattooist screamed his name. "You didn't pay, sir."
Jungkook stared at his face for a moment too long. He could feel embarrassment on his heated cheeks. "Sorry," he said slowly. "I am sorry. I forgot."
"It's okay," the man smiled, startling Jungkook. He got behind the counter and began to make the bill. "Whatever it is." He said. "You should know that nothing is permanent, except now your tattoo." He laughed. "It will pass."
Jungkook found strange ardor in the kind smile and the warm words of the stranger. When he stepped out of the shop, he heard Bongos playing. The sound was thought-provoking.
Unable to resist, he started walking towards it.
**
Jimin was holding Iseul close to his chest as he walked on the sidewalk. The boy was wide awake. It was his first time outside the house, so he was living the experience to the fullest, not crying, only trying to make tiny noises that were disappearing somewhere deep in his throat, as he drooled all over himself.
Jimin was laughing. His attention was on Iseul and his safety.
Rose was brought into the hospital for a check-up along with the baby. As they had to wait for the results of a few blood tests, Jimin decided to take a trip to his car, but then he saw Iseul trying to turn his head to look at the road, so he decided to take a small walk on the side.
Jimin heard the sound of Bongos coming from ahead and realized how far he'd walked away from the hospital. Iseul was doe-eyed, stunned as he tried to focus on the music and Jimin laughed out loud, looking at his face. "You want to hear it. Don't you?" He asked.
"Yes," he replied himself and laughed even harder. "I can't wait to hear you speak." He gushed, rushing towards the sound.
A feeling of deja vu surpassed him out of thin air and he stopped on the road for a moment, trying to pinpoint something. He focused on the people, trying to find someone with a familiar face. He focused on acquainted fragrance, but everything was jumbled in his senses.
His eyes were spotting a black dot ahead, his mind a bit hazy when his phone rang. His hands automatically pulled out the phone from his pocket, pressed the answer key, and brought it to his ear. "Where are you, Jimin?" Rosenow's voice resounded.
"I am coming," Jimin answered mechanically, the colors still flashing in and out of his eyes.
Turning, he rushed back towards the hospital with an unsettling feeling in his chest.
**
Jungkook took off his shoes before he silently entered the house. His left wrist was warm and bright pink skin was peeking from under his sleeve. He carried two bouquets with the same hand. The house smelled like something he had no memory of. Lots of food.
His mother's soft voice and his grandmother's rough laughter rushed the blood in his head so fast it collided with his skull. "Eomma," his lips moved slowly.
Leaving everything, the woman ran towards Jungkook and practically launched herself into his arms. The man was so much taller than his mother that he picked her up slightly off the floor, his lips stretching in a genuine smile as his eyes teared up. He wanted to speak again, but the happiness made him breathless.
Watching the other lady approach slowly, he put his mother down and leaned towards the frail woman to kiss her cheek while he handed her a bouquet.
"My hero," Grandmother took the bouquet, plucked one rose, and placed it behind her ear. "How do I look?" She asked.
Jungkook bent on his knees, the distorting happiness and a blinding need to cry altogether confused him.
While his mother was wiping her tears, standing beside them, his grandmother seemed to have vowed to not shed a tear. "How is it possible?" He said. "You look even more beautiful than I last saw you."
"I told you your grandfather was a magician who cast spell on me." She scrunched her nose, her wrinkles falling into place over her nose. Jungkook hugged her torso, laughing while tears rolled down his cheeks. He didn't mind them anymore. They were just there, unable to hold on, unable to bear the amount of happiness he had forgotten his body was capable of taking as he froze in time.
It dawned on him then. These people, his family... They all have suffered with him. He didn't want to hurt them.
Getting on his feet, he handed the other bouquet to his mother, who clutched it to her chest and took Jungkook's palm to walk him inside.
The house was exactly how he left it save for the vases that looked like they were real gold, studded with crystals. On taking a closer look, he realized that the furniture was different, too. Newer. Fancier.
His eyes met with his father's relieved face. Nodding at him without saying a word, he conveyed that he had hope, he was going to be fine now.
After years, they all sat together for dinner and it wasn't silent. Jungkook talked and felt like he was seventeen years old again. The same cheeky boy who'd share jokes with his grandmother, who'd been spoiled rotten by his mother. The same boy who was silently understood and encouraged by his father.
"Your room is- I redecorated." His mother said nervously.
The nervous energy from the woman was new, and Jungkook understood that as much as they were anxious for him to talk to them, he wasn't ready yet.
Everyone knew what had happened, but it was obvious that he needed to talk about it, show his trust, and confide in them. Perhaps that would get rid of the new barrier he was seeing between them. It was as if he didn't know these people, even when he was related to them by blood. "I am sure it is pleasant. I trust you, Mother," Jungkook held her hand, kissing her knuckles.
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7 Jun, 2023
Chapter 22: End of first semester
Chapter Text
Jungkook
The university enrolled only geniuses. International or national students. As I sat in the examination hall, I took a breather to look around. Everyone was immersed in writing, focusing, and drawing on the answer sheets, and I spaced out. It didn't take me much effort to understand any subject, I've known it since I began to understand modesty. I was extraordinary, but here, in the sea of extraordinary, I was only an ordinary student who was participating in the same race.
All four subjects were tough, but the last one gave us a reprieve. My eyes took in the long rows of students who sat stiffly in the same position like they were machines. The examiner walked over to my desk and cleared his throat. That did it. I re-focused on my paper.
An hour later, the time was up. I walked over to the podium to submit my paper and found Ulrich behind two people. Getting out of the exam room, I waited for him. The other rooms also had students walking out.
While juniors had classes conducted on the ground floor, the second years were on the first floor, and so on. Jimin's classes were on the third floor as he was a fourth-year student. The building had eight floors. The topmost floor had laboratories and a library, and the seventh floor was only open for exams. All students had a separate room, but we were all on the same floor. The seventh floor also had a big auditorium that I heard was used for auditions. There was a similar auditorium on the ground floor, but that was solely used for educational purposes. "How did it go?" I heard Ulrich's overzealous voice. There was a glow on his face which was so rare I found myself mesmerized.
"I hope I pass. " I grinned.
"You'll more than pass." He slapped my back, hard. The strength was new too. Ulrich was never a handsy person, but I believed it had to do with a sense of relief and accomplishment.
One semester done, eleven more to go.
Jimin startled me with his voice. He was also looking fresh, like the tree glowing in the first ray of sun after a whole night of torrential rain. "How did it go?" He asked us generally, his voice carrying more sincerity. Of course, he tutored us on so many occasions. Taehyung Hyung too, who was now hanging out with his group when I glanced back. His eyes met mine and I awkwardly smiled. That widened his eyes for a beat before I looked away, seeing in my peripheral vision that he began approaching us.
We smiled and nodded in response. I couldn't focus on Jimin's words as I registered his fragrance, faint tonka beans, Dahlia, and some spice.
"Hi," Taehyung Hyung approached, his entire focus on me.
I looked up at him and smiled. "Hi, Hyung."
"Ulrich, could you walk with me to my dorm?" I heard Jimin and I nearly reached over to grab his wrist to stop him.
"So... Still not talking to me?" Taehyung Hyung asked, his eyes a little crazy and a lot desperate, but he masked his facial expression with a buoyant smile.
For the first time, I felt it. His infatuation with me. I must have been blind not to realize it sooner. He was always the one who put his foot forward to talk to me or even offer help. Jimin never directly extended the same privileges to me as he did to Ulrich. I felt mad. I didn't know at whom was my anger directed, but this had to be a sick joke of the universe.
It made me wonder if Jimin was aware of it. Did Taehyung Hyung ask him to help me out with the job, too? Did he ask him to give me the check for Ulrich? It definitely left a bitter taste in my mouth, but that didn't mean that the infinitesimal moments I had with Jimin were weak. He looked genuinely worried when I almost passed out in the gym, on the night of the fire. Still, the truth wasn't changed. Jimin didn't want anything to do with me, not in a way that mattered to me anyway.
"How were your exams, Hyung?" I asked instead.
"You know, as always," he ushered me towards the length of the corridor and I started walking dumbly. "Stairs?" He asked.
I nodded.
We kept descending round and round, the set of stairs coming into view again and again as we moved. I only hummed or scarcely answered the basic questions that Hyung asked me until we hit the ground floor.
We halted when we found Ulrich and Jimin laughing. Jimin's arm was on Ulrich's shoulder and my friend was respectfully nodding his head. He was such a good boy. Always maintaining a distance, always referring to them as 'sir,' and always taking their suggestions to heart.
Could I also be like him? I've been like him all my life, listening to my father, and doing things to make him happy, but I didn't think that was me anymore. I needed some fire in my life, passion. A dedication to go after something I wanted. The more I realized how strongly I felt for Jimin, the more I rebelled against my own authority.
I was so immersed in my thoughts that I only caught the word 'leaving' from their conversation. "When do you leave for home, Jungkook?" Jimin was asking me now, the earlier laugh still buzzing on his face.
"I haven't -" my words broke and I looked at everyone one by one. They all seemed to be horrified that I didn't have vacation plans. "When are you guys leaving? " I knew Ulrich was leaving for home the next morning.
"Tonight," That was Taehyung Hyung.
My body moved to align with Jimin's. My eyes oppugned. He heaved a small sigh and said. "I am stuck here for two days." There was sadness behind his words, but I was almost ashamed that I found comfort in it. If he was here for two days, it meant that I could hang out with him alone.
Then I remembered. Rosenow. When was she leaving? "Oh," I found myself saying. "Too bad. You'll be on your own."
"Yeah," he confirmed. "It's alright. I guess I'll catch up with sleep."
"What about dinner tonight? Together?" I suggested. "Before you guys leave."
Ulrich's muscles stiffened. I was always dragging him into uncomfortable situations. I almost felt bad about it, but he needed to mingle with people more. He had a brilliant mind, and a little networking with seniors never hurt anyone, especially when the said seniors were eye candy. "
"Sure," Jimin confirmed first. "I'll call Rose."
"Just us boys," Taehyung snatched the phone from Jimin's hand.
I wanted to kiss the hell out of him then. I love you, Taehyung Hyung. I love you. But, you know... Not like that.
**
After we separated, I wanted to eat my weight in the late lunch, but suddenly my hunger was the last thing my body cared about. I was making plans for the next two days.
When we returned to our temporary VVIP dorms, which my father had moved us in, I helped Ulrich pack. I had so much excited energy in me that I didn't know how to spend it.
We drank beers, just one each, which we had saved for exactly tonight. I couldn't accomplish much before the skies turned dark again. These dorms were on the backside of the cafeteria. We could watch the entire acre of land on which the university stood tall. The wilderness on the back side window was oddly terrifying and calming, depending on the time of the day one looked at it.
The shower took only some time, but getting ready was my favorite part. I carefully picked out my mismatched outfit and boots. I even decided to wear make-up. I wasn't really a heavy make-up guy, but sometimes, I loved wearing fragrant moisturizers, nude-toned eye shadow, and lip tints. It wasn't extreme, but the regime made me feel incredible.
Gel in my hair, and my skin wafting lovely notes of jasmine, I walked out with Ulrich's bag. He followed behind and closed the door shut. "Are you sure you don't want to come with me?" He asked me. "My parents will be cool. I promise."
"No, man. Maybe some other time. I really want to spend some time alone."
"Think again, Jungkook. There really won't be anyone here. You'll hardly see any humans on campus. It will be kinda scary honestly. The cafeteria will be closed, too.
"I appreciate your efforts of trying to scare me, but I am not going to spend my three weeks here," I laughed. "I said I want to have some time alone. I didn't say I'll be stuck here for good. I might go somewhere warm. Travel."
"Don't you miss your family?" He asked suddenly.
"Of course, I do." Obviously, I did. At the same time, there was something so freeing to decide on my own. My father had already asked me multiple times if I wanted a jet to fly back home, but I denied it because I wanted to stay back and get a little study done before the next semester started.
I didn't know what I wanted to do in these three weeks of holidays. Like I told Ulrich, I could travel and then go home, or do nothing at all. I was going to follow my heart. He cursed softly, something about his bus ticket, and began wildly patting his pockets, pulling me out of my thoughts.
We soon reached the restaurant. My lovely seniors were already there as I took a seat right in front of Jimin. Taehyung Hyung slid beside me, so Ulrich had no choice but to sit with Jimin. "Are others joining?" I asked.
"No," Jimin looked up from his phone screen and locked it. "Hoseok already left and Christoph must be stoned somewhere."
I nodded, suddenly nervous as his gaze smack dabbed swept all over me. He must have noticed my lip tint, or not. "It's my treat," I cleared my throat as several eyes pinned me in place. "Thanks for helping me with the job." I told Jimin. "Thanks for tolerating me." I threw at Ulrich. "And Hyung." I turned to look at Taehyung Hyung. "Thanks for always being there."
He smiled, his eyes unable to pry away. They felt like steel cages. I wondered to outsiders looking in, could they make out Taehyung Hyung's infatuation or did I look oblivious? Of course, I wasn't anymore, but curiosity grabbed me by the shoulders. Did Jimin think I was clueless about Taehyung Hyung's advances? Or did he think I was stringing him along on purpose? No matter, I was going to act clueless. Sorry, Taehyung Hyung.
I ordered drinks, lots of drinks. Ulrich didn't touch alcohol. Taehyung Hyung also said that if he drank, he would be up the entire flight home, and he badly wanted to sleep after multiple sleepless nights of studying. That left Jimin. He didn't drink because at least one person needed to be sober to drive back to the dorms.
I, on the other hand, knocked my senses off enough for him to offer me a lift —not that he would leave me alone to find my way back to the dorms myself. Right?
I needed an excuse to crash at his place tonight.
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13 Jun, 2023
Chapter 23: Drunk and innocent
Chapter Text
Jungkook
Ulrich was in the back seat with me before we dropped him at the bus stop, and then Taehyung Hyung got down at the airport.
I stepped out, feeling a strong gush inside my stomach. I was getting nauseous with all the driving. Jimin wasn't a bad driver, but I still got motion sickness due to the high alcohol content in my bloodstream.
I wanted to lie down.
Taehyung Hyung looked at me, his eyes holding me captive. My heart rate sped up. I didn't know if it was because I was drunk or my discovery that he had a crush on me. "Let's meet in Korea." He said hopefully.
Instead of telling him that I wasn't planning on going back to Korea, at least not for the entirety of my vacation, I nodded. His hand raised and he pulled it down once. Twice. Then he high-fived Jimin Hyung, hugged him, and disappeared behind the big gates.
I turned to Jimin and watched him as he sighed. "Let's go," he smiled a little.
I killed the urge to grab his palm as I walked back to the parking to our blue car. It was the same vehicle that Taehyung Hyung drove to the cantonment house for the party once. " Whose car is it?" I slurred my words a bit, finally getting on the co-passenger seat and sitting beside Jimin.
"It's public property," Jimin laughed. I must have looked confused because he took one glance at me and started explaining. "T hree of us chipped in and bought it. " H e stated somberly, taking the car out of the parking.
The university was in the suburbs and the traffic on this side of the city was scarce. Only the people who needed to leave the city or the university students loomed on the road. Now that almost the entire university crowd was gone, the route was empty as we began our return to campus. He was silent for a beat before he asked me. "Do you want to listen to the radio?"
"No," I shook my head. "I am feeling a bit nauseous."
"Oh," his eyes widened, neck craning to look at me with big eyes. "I can stop." He slowed down immediately.
"No, no," I waved my hands. "I need to lie down in bed as soon as possible."
It took us fifteen minutes to reach the dorms.
Jimin parked the car in the designated space and got out. I followed him out and tumbled, barely holding myself with the help of the door handle. Jimin rushed towards me, grabbing my arms to hold me up. "Can you walk?" He asked me, worried.
I was tempted to shake my head, but I also knew I was heavy. I was built more muscular than him, so I decided it wouldn't be good for his ego if he couldn't lift me. Although, I doubted that. He was a gym rat and deadlifted quite a weight. " I don't think I can walk all the way to my dorm." I held my head, suddenly feeling the bile rising in my throat. I wanted to exaggerate my condition, but it turned out that the more I tried to fool myself, the more my body fooled me back. I was getting sick.
"Come on," he held my side and began to walk towards the nearer dorm. His own. If I knew better, I'd exactly know how loud his heart was beating. My own was no different as I followed him.
He closed the room after we entered and helped me onto the bed. "Lie down for some time. I'll go make coffee."
I nodded, my eyes closed as I felt the earth tilting under my feet.
He disappeared for what seemed like a few minutes. I could still hear the utensils in the kitchen. My eyes were closed, and I sniffed his pillow. His scent brought relief to my center. I began to drag the air in hungrily. My nausea started subsiding. My breath was heavy when he returned and I smelled coffee. "Get up, Jungkook," his voice called out soothingly.
I opened my eyes and he held me to stuff the pillows against the headboard. Once I settled, he picked the cup from the nightstand and held it before me while sitting on the edge of the bed beside me. "My head is spinning, " I reached for his free hand and he closed his fist. I was almost sure he was going to jump back, but he let me hold his hand.
"It's okay, Jungkook. Sip coffee." He raised the cup to my mouth with his other hand.
I didn't know what came over me. I burst out crying. I wanted Jimin so bad but the fact that he dated women all his life made me feel so small of myself. I had come to manipulate him, forced my entry into his room, and I was lying to get a crumb of his attention. It killed me as my despondency and guilt mixed inside me to form a new, confusing emotion. Why couldn't I be born as a woman?
"Hey, hey," he set the cup aside and reached forward, wiping my tears. I tried to hide my face, but he held my chin up. I couldn't look at him anymore, the mortification wasn't kind. "I should've stopped you from drinking all that much." He muttered.
I shook my head, needing him to come a little closer and wrap his arms around me. Every day I went to sleep knowing that he was in love with someone else, and I died a little. Everyone thought of me as a cool guy who didn't care about studies much, flunked classes and was popular, but only I knew the predicaments I harbored, the pain I ensnared. It all came out of my eyes as I sat in front of him, so close, yet still distant.
I didn't want him only physically. I wanted him in every way that mattered. And that thought brought me to my knees to finally realize that it wasn't just infatuation or attraction. I was in love with him. I might've thought of seducing him tonight, but as the contradictory emotions painted a wholesome picture of what I really wanted, I knew that it was never going to happen. How was it possible that I was consumed with him and only him?
He pulled away and wiped my eyes. I heard him mumble a "cute" before he smiled at me. "I am sorry." I sniffled, suddenly wanting to leave and cry myself to sleep alone.
"It's okay," he held the cup in front of my mouth again and this time, made me sip. "Don't say sorry."
Jimin
People had different drunken states. Some became chipper and brought the roof down. Some talked their hearts out. Some became more depressed, some became bolder, and some turned silent.
I was the last one. Every time I drank myself in my weight, I stopped talking and started thinking. On the other hand, Jungkook was a happy and bold drunk. I've seen him before at parties. But now, he was like me. He was thinking, and whatever kept him up at night was trying to break free.
People loathed drunken people because of their lack of best judgment, but I sympathized with them. Any drunk person is always at their most honest and vulnerable behavior. Most people often took advantage of that condition, but I wanted Jungkook to feel safe in every manner.
He silently drank his coffee and then lay down. I covered him and walked back to the kitchen to do the dishes quickly.
When I returned, he was staring at the ceiling. "Do you feel any better?" I asked.
"Nauseous," he mumbled.
I walked to my electric air freshener and changed the refill to a lime one which was sure to help with nausea. "Can you please sit with me?" He asked.
I sighed but conceded. Whenever Jungkook was near me, it was never a guarantee that he wouldn't throw a curveball at me, but I couldn't leave him alone, not when he was that drunk. As I settled on the bed, praying that he wouldn't do anything, he reached for my hand again and I let him hold it. He looked beyond unsteady as if something was eating him up from the inside. "When did you and Taehyung Hyung become friends?" He asked, his nervous and big eyes droopy.
"Our parents used to be work acquaintances. Taehyung visited my home over dinner when we were both nine," I began, recollecting that time when my mother was alive. If he was asking about Taehyung, it was a good thing. "She was an amicable person and always encouraged my father to bring his friends home for a meal. She loved hosting holidays. She loved cooking and Taehyung fell in love with her food. He studied in Switzerland before, so he had hardly eaten Korean food until then. His mother didn't know how to cook, so my mother started loving having him over more often. That's how it started. We were in the same grade, so we talked about our classes and other things about our different schools. We hung out together. Went on many road trips. By the time we graduated, we had become good friends. He wanted to become a doctor and I... Well," I exhaled a long breath. "I was on also the same path. We applied here and we both got in."
He was blinking as I was done speaking. "How about Hoseok Hyung?"
"He was Tae's neighbor and his friend since they were children. Even when Tae lived outside of Korea for quite some time, they stayed connected. I got to know him when I was in high school. Before coming here we had already traveled to many places together," I told him. "What about you? Where are your friends?"
"My father was always particular about my schooling. I was homeschooled initially because he didn't want the other kids' influence on me," Jungkook's answer shocked me into a stunned state. I could never have imagined that a social butterfly like him was made to study at home. "I only went to public school when I reached middle school. My father's childhood friend is Uncle Min Yuri. His son is older than me. His name is Yoongi. But Uncle Min's daughter, Suni, was a year younger than me. She used to be my only friend. I never connected with other kids at a deeper level... They didn't let me in because I was someone new and appeared out of nowhere. They thought something was wrong with me when they got to know I was homeschooled. But I wanted to change that in my college. Ulrich is now my best friend ever."
I let the information sink in. Just like me, Jungkook also might have some unresolved reproach toward his father, or I might be wrong. Who was I to judge anyway? "Well, I am glad that you finally found a friend."
"And you..." he tried to smile now. "Aren't you my friend, too?"
I was caught in a trance for a bit. I never thought of my relationship label with Jungkook before. And could anyone blame me for it? But Jungkook didn't flirt with me for a long time. Maybe he was tired. Maybe he was not interested in me anymore. Or maybe, he was interested in someone else. So, if I had to name our relationship now, I would say anything ranging from a junior, an acquaintance, or my best friend's love interest. But that wasn't the truth, no matter how much I hated it, we were more than that.
"Of course," I said. It made sense to call him a friend. I occasionally reprimanded him because I wanted him out of trouble. I helped him because I wanted to make his life easier. I did worry about his well-being. Perhaps the connection we shared was by being born in the same place or him being the friend of my girlfriend's baby cousin, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't there. Of course, we were friends.
"And Taehyung Hyung, too." He giggled now.
"Yeah," I pulled my hand back, realizing that it was being held by him all this time. I moved it over my mouth and breathed out. "Him too."
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1 Jul, 2023
Chapter 24: New style and a new purpose
Chapter Text
Jungkook's father was more attentive toward his son ever since he returned home four days ago. Like right now, the young man was sitting on the couch as he stared at the TV mindlessly. He hadn't changed the channel in twenty minutes and was gaping the ads.
Mr. Jeon approached him and sat beside him. Jungkook flinched before he smiled, looking at the man's mouth bracketed by worry. "Appa... Aren't you late for work?" He asked haggardly.
"I can go late," the father smiled in assurance. Jungkook noted the perfume. The same smell he associated his father with. Poised, composed, confident. "Do you want to join me?"
"Me?" Jungkook asked, taken aback by the sudden ask.
"Diversion could be good for you," Mr. Jeon suggested quickly. Mrs. Jeon appeared behind them, looking dreadful and shaking her head no to her husband. Mr. Jeon's eyes caught her and averted to Jungkook again. "I don't want to rush you into anything, son." He gently patted his shoulder. "Think about it and we'll talk whenever you are ready."
Jungkook looked down and nodded. "I'll think about it."
"There's no rush, really," Mr. Jeon tried again, smiling in a friendlier way, his fingers deftly caressing Jungkook's shoulder.
"I understand." Jungkook stood up, making his father mirror him.
Not before flashing a weak smile, he walked toward his room, disappearing soon. Mr. Jeon sighed. "What was that about?" His wife chided.
"I honestly think it will help him," the man answered, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"He mightn't think in the same way. Please. He needs his time." The woman said, exasperated.
The man nodded silently, averting his eyes to the TV screen. Mrs. Jeon looked at her mother-in-law, who was crocheting sitting on her lawn chair by the window. "I'll see you at dinner," Mr. Jeon cuffed his sleeves before placing a kiss on his wife's forehead.
She smiled.
He nodded once before beelining towards the door.
Mrs. Jeon slumped on the couch with a loud huff and heard the elderly woman laughing out loud. Her troubled eyes glared at her. "What's so funny?"
"He's scared of you," the woman laughed louder. "You never know how to take advantage of it."
Jungkook's mother rolled her eyes and despite wanting to sink into the couch, edged towards the old lady. "What are you doing?" She asked, pacing closer to her.
"I am making a sweater for Kookie."
Now, Mrs. Jeon found her smile as she stared at the red thread in her mother-in-law's hands. "He isn't a kid anymore, Eomma. He's not gonna wear it."
"Of course, he will." The senior barked and gestured with the back of her hands to shoo her daughter-in-law away. "Go now. I have work to do. Unlike you."
"Unlike me?" Mrs. Jeon held her waist, popping her hip out as she looked down her nose at the lady sitting on the chair. "Who takes care of laundry, shopping, hosting dinners,-"
"The maids."
"I cook too sometimes!" Mrs. Jeon squalled, her lips pouting.
"You sure do." The elderly mumbled, nodding her head in faux agreement.
"Your medicines. Ha! I remind you every day to take them."
"Not before my alarm does."
Mrs. Jeon puffed and scurried away, leaving the elderly to smile fondly at her.
**
Jungkook walked into his closet and looked at his clothes. Shiny, colorful, somber, and classy. He didn't know what was his style anymore. For six years, he had learned to adorn the grey uniform. Now that he was back, his mother took him shopping two days ago and bought him all kinds of clothes ranging from t-shirts, bomber jackets, jeans, chinos, and suits. He just didn't know which ones defined his personality anymore.
It wasn't just clothes, he was confused about everything. Aside from still craving his favorite food, he felt in his core that everything about him had changed. He sat down on the floor over the rug and stared at the collection.
Feeling like an interloper, he couldn't envision his purpose anymore. It was a blatant fact that he was an heir to the Jeon hotel enterprise, but he couldn't see himself following his father's path. The last time he lived with his parents, he was seventeen, and now he was in his mid-twenties, clueless, mentally unstable, and unemployed. He thought his father was right. He needed to do something for a living.
Taking out his phone, he replied to a few texts from Frans with a small smile. He had left his secret phone behind for Frans to use. Jin didn't contact him, not that he had left his number to him, nor did he meet him in the facility after he'd told him about leaving. It didn't bother Jungkook. In fact, he felt relieved that Jin wasn't reaching out. If Jin did, he wouldn't what to do with it.
The moment he'd left the facility and gotten in his father's car, the first person he'd thought of was Jimin. What was he up to? Was he happy? Was he successful? Was he happily married? Did he have any kids?
When he'd decided he was leaving the facility, he'd downloaded the chat app on his phone just to get a glimpse of Jimin's picture on his profile. The chat room was long since abandoned. No one used it anymore except Taehyung, which Jungkook found out accidentally while he was online. He had logged off too quickly so that the other man would be unable to text him. The last two times he went online there, he caught a glimpse of Jimin's profile showing a green dot.
It made him panic so extensively that he deleted his profile and uninstalled the app from his phone, but now, he was regretting it. He felt a strong urge to see that tiny 190px face again and find out about Jimin, despite being aware of how bad an idea it was. Bad was an understatement. Losing his generational wealth on the gamble would be a bad idea. Wanting to look for Jimin was an utter disaster.
He closed his eyes and leaned back on the sliding door on the wall, his foot tapping against the floor, contradictory thoughts constant and silent companions. His left hand was shaking when he threw his phone a little ahead of him, deciding that he was going to stop thinking about the man who would never do him any good.
The chime on the phone made him open his eyes and reach for the device. Picking it up, he saw Frans' new text.
Eating the last Toblerone you gave me.
Jungkook got up suddenly, feeling a sudden sense of commitment coming to him out of nowhere. His hand reached towards his mustard yellow suit magnetically. After an hour, he was walking out of his room when his grandmother caught sight of him and called for him.
He turned to see her and smiled at her. "Come here," the woman gestured to him with her hand.
Jungkook obediently trodded to her and crouched in front of her legs, seeing the crocheted sweater in her hands. "You making this for me?" He jutted his chin towards it.
"Yes," the woman beamed. "Your mother says you won't wear it."
"Nonsense," he shook his head. "I'd wear it in August."
"YOU HEAR THAT?!" Grandma hollered. "He'll wear it!"
Jungkook lightly chuckled at that. At least nothing had changed between his grandma and Eomma. "Where are you going?" The woman now asked, satisfied by the silence from her daughter-in-law.
"To do something important." Jungkook offered a vague explanation.
"Don't you dare leave this time." His grandmother asked sternly. Jungkook always adored how strong she was. She never showed vulnerability, never wept, or at least, never in front of anyone. And right now, she might as well have been thoughtful and nothing else, but it still sent a pang spiraling straight into Jungkook's heart.
"I won't leave. I am a grown man, Grandma. I will have to go out there to do something with my life at some point." He offered weakly.
"You know what I mean," the woman raised her brows. "Your father worries. You don't know it, but he hasn't been himself since we heard on that ghastly phone call that we almost lost you." She sighed softly. Jungkook had least expected the serious talk from her. It was a surprise his mother wasn't the one to discuss this. He thought perhaps she was still afraid that if she said something, he'd up and leave.
Everyone was walking on eggshells around him, and he felt untrustworthy and incapable. He sure was glad that his grandma was offering him tough love. "You understand how your mother is. Sentimental to a fault. She doesn't recognize her own strength, but they have suffered, son. I don't want anything happening to my grandson again."
Jungkook held her hand and brought it up to his lips to kiss her fingers. "I won't worry you again. I promise."
"Good." She stared at his face so profoundly as if to scratch the surface to find out what lurked beneath and heal it with her magical touch.
"I'll be back before dinner."
The woman nodded and blessed him silently with a prayer before he could close the door behind him.
He wasn't comfortable behind the wheel yet, so he asked the driver to take him to the convenience store.
A considerable amount of eyes turned to him walking in a suit, but those gazes didn't bother him. He felt thankful for the multilayers of his suit. Perhaps this could be his new style.
He gathered snacks, and chocolates, especially Toblerone in his cart. When he reached the billing counter, he looked at the young girl and suddenly remembered his own part-time job back in Germany. "Could you please get all this wrapped? I need to ship these to Europe." He told the girl and she looked at him in confusion. Nonetheless, she did what was asked without asking questions and Jungkook carried the box outside.
His driver lunged to get it from his hand. "I am giving you the address. Please ship them to Mr Knight." He apprised the driver, who mumbled a 'yes sir' while continuing to walk back to their car in the parking.
Jungkook scribbled the address on the box and the driver then dropped it at the post office.
He oddly felt good about himself. It might've been something so small, but he tried to picture Frans' smile when he received that box.
The facility restricted outside snacks and liquor. Though it wasn't exactly prohibited by rule, it was encouraged to not indulge in things from the outside world. The facility was a little planet on its own with unwritten rules that everyone had to abide by. Although he was feeling much more productive, he didn't know what else to do. The day was still young, but with no other options, he asked the driver to take him back home.
As the car drove past the skyscrapers glistening in the sunlight, he kept thinking about the future. Perhaps he could start by renting a place to himself. Knowing his parents, they wouldn't allow him to be on his merry way so soon after coming back home, but he knew he couldn't stay with them for long. He needed to figure out his situation and be independent not for anyone else but to gain his confidence back.
He just didn't know where to start and that was when he was reminded of the promise he'd made to Frans. Perhaps he could start by making good on it. With a loose strategy in his mind, he felt a bit more oriented than he was in the morning.
Heading home didn't feel as empty-handed as it did last week.
An hour had safely passed since he stepped out and the moment he walked back inside, he found his mother lying on the couch, pale as a ghost while her grandmother soothed her back. "Eomma," he rushed to her and bent down to check her. "What's wrong?"
"Kookie, you are back." The woman breathed better once she saw her son's face. She quickly sat up with urgency and pulled him close in a hug. Her shoulders shook as she let go and wailed her eyes out. "I thought you wouldn't come back."
Jungkook's eyes started dropping tears even when he didn't actively try to cry. He did this. He didn't only jeopardize his own life, but he also made his family fear for him every second of their lives.
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30 Aug, 2023
Chapter 25: An attempt at cooking and connecting
Notes:
If you read this story on wattpad (username:bugnoo), you'll also see the story playlist there. There's one song each in the beginning of the chapter and if you listen to that song while reading it, the emotions will amplify.
I'd be happy if you could follow me on wattpad in case you have an account. :)
Chapter Text
Jungkook
When I woke up, I saw Hyung on the couch, his feet heaped on top of the handrest.
He had given me coffee and aspirin, so I was thankful as I woke up with no hangover. I needed to start drinking in moderation. I was still new to the alcohol game. I didn't want to wake him up, so I tip-toed out of his dorm room by holding the shoes in my hands.
Once in the corridor, I cradled my feet in the shoes. Sunshine from the vast windows licked at my skin. The winter semester was over. The weather was more hospitable now and I couldn't wait for the warmer semester to start, but before that, I couldn't wait to go eat something.
I ran on my way out of the senior's dormitory. The whole place was empty and there was no one to stop me or question me about my purpose of being there, but I couldn't be sure. It was safe to be cautious.
As soon as I got into my VIP dorm, I rushed to the kitchen. We didn't have anything stocked on normal days, but especially since I knew Ulrich was going to leave and as he'd told me that the cafeteria would be closed, I'd brought groceries to last me at least a week.
I haven't really cooked anything before, but I've watched my butlers, maids, and mother in the kitchen. YouTube always helped, so I began.
Within half an hour, my preparation was done, and in the next twenty minutes, the whole place smelled like home. I was satisfied with it, but I had to taste the food too, not wanting to serve the disaster to Jimin. He was always a gracious host. I didn't want to leave any stone of my effort unturned while serving him. It took me back to my childhood when I tasted potato pancakes. God! I started missing home then.
Ensuring that it was good, I packed the food in the boxes and rushed to my wardrobe, choosing a simple outfit of a black T-shirt and some loose denim pants to don after shower. Jimin's fashion sense was commendable. He dressed up like a celebrity. His body was ripped and it helped, too. Because every fit and style complimented him. He looked like a man prepared to stand on top of the stage and dominate the world at any given point.
I wondered why Taehyung Hyung was more popular than him. I knew he made more effort to mingle with people, and people liked his easy charm, but on the other hand, Jimin was an enigma, and still no significantly less popular than Taehyung Hyung. I've seen people trying to figure him out, but he always maintained a safe distance. It was I was sure intentional. If I didn't know better, I'd say Jimin didn't talk much either, but he was very selective, carefully choosing his friends. He was also a hell of a funny guy when he wanted to be, which showed me how much capacity he had packed with potential to be a social butterfly, but he graciously let his friend hold the medal of honor.
Jimin's race was different, but my race had an end line at his heart.
I quickly showered and rushed back, feeling the cool breeze of a fresh morning. I let myself revel in it. In honesty, loving Jimin was a job tougher than I let it on. When it was just me and the darkness of the silent night, it shattered me repeatedly to imagine I was heading toward the wreckage that my brain identified. Jimin wasn't only a man interested in women, he was also in a relationship with one.
I often held my breath to stop feeling despair and sometimes, I gasped for air when it didn't come easily at the thought of it all. But if I needed to survive this, if I needed him to feel what I did, I couldn't quit the race when it had barely begun was what my heart said. It probed me and told me that we'll deal with everything together as partners when the day comes. So I locked my insecurities and fears behind my goofiness and trodded on.
When I touched the door, it was open. I let myself in, but Jimin wasn't in sight. Then I heard the brushing sound in the bathroom.
I grabbed a place on the couch. Taking out the boxes from the plastic bag, I set them on the coffee table. My stomach growled at me in a warning. "Shush," I glared down at it. "Don't embarrass us today." With a brush inside his mouth, Jimin peeked his head out from a small gap in his room. He must've heard me patronizing my stomach. With eyes widening, he shut the door and then I heard the water running.
In a few minutes, he came out, his face glowing under the morning light. "Good morning, Hyung. I made breakfast."
"Good morning," he answered, his eyes trained on the food. "You made all of this?"
"Mhm," I nodded, crossing my fingers together. "I- I wanted to thank you for last night. Thank you for taking care of me."
"Oh, Jungkook," his features softened now. "You didn't have to do this." He laughed a little.
"Hurry," I relaxed. "It will get cold."
He sat beside me and picked the chopsticks, but remained wary of me. I hated that. But no matter, I had decided to have a plan and not openly flirt with him until things progressed. "I didn't think you could cook."
"I do. I also volunteer at the soup kitchen." I said in a beat. I never volunteered for anything in my life. But it seemed like a kind of thing that he was into. Actually, I didn't know what he liked. The only thing that Taehyung Hyung and Ulrich told me with certainty was that he loved to dance and I knew the name of his favorite scotch.
"It's surprising information, Jungkook. But good for you." He picked up one pancake and inspected it for a second before biting it.
I held my breath until he moaned in appreciation. "What about you, Hyung?" I asked. "What do you like to do aside from studying."
"This," he pointed his chopsticks at the food, some of it fluffed under his cheeks. "This is too good, Jungkook."
My nose scrunched at him.
"Let's see," he picked my question. "I don't like studying, FYI..." He laughed. "But if you ask about my hobbies, I love to play basketball. The gym is my safe place. I sometimes paint and draw. Though I am not very good. I am also versed in the pool. Sometimes I play chess, and definitely don't volunteer. Now that I think about it, I think we all should."
"How about dancing?"
"You'll find out." he gave me a coy look and licked the food off his lips.
My heart raced. "Right," I looked away. Clearing my throat and picking food for my own, I asked causally. "You didn't go with your girlfriend?" I wanted to reverse shift so hard immediately, but the words were out in the open.
"Rose had to tend to some family emergency." He answered comfortably.
"Oh," was all I conveyed. Did he meet Rose's parents yet? I knew from Ulrich that they were dating since the first year, but was it that serious? I hoped not for my sanity.
Then awkward silence.
"So tell me, Jungkook," he continued the rhythm. "Did you and Taehyung make up yet or do I have to keep intervening?"
Sadness came to me in waves. I covered it with a smile. "We are okay," I stated with no zeal.
"How is the job?" He asked next.
"I quit before exams," I gawked at his reaction.
He didn't give any, continuing to eat. Then he chuckled softly. "I am surprised you made it this far."
"What do you mean?" I wanted to know. I really wanted to know what did he assume about me or think about me. What kind of impression I gave him?
"It isn't the most attractive job out there," he shrugged simply. "Why aren't you eating? I might finish all this by myself." He pointed it out.
I started playing with food. I wasn't hungry anymore. "When are you leaving for home?" I asked slowly.
Don't go. My inner voice begged. Come with me.
"I have a flight tomorrow evening," he answered. This was the first normal conversation between us ever. If he was feeling nervous or agitated, he didn't show it. Focusing on me for a few seconds, he said. "You should come with me if you want. This place really gets spooky when students aren't here."
I almost jumped at the offer. Spending a few hours with him was more than I was currently getting, but an ache started in my heart, enveloping everything inside me and I shook my head slowly. "It's okay," I stated weakly. "I'll also leave soon... I don't want to go to Korea. I am just not sure where I am going yet."
Taehyung
The moment I stepped foot on the flight home, I realized that I didn't want to go home, at least not without Jungkook. This could've been a golden opportunity to spend some alone time with him back at the lonely university. I have been fixated on him for almost six months now, and the free time would've given us a breather and me a chance to put my proposition forward. I didn't want to wait around any more. I needed to tell him how I felt.
There was this uneasiness in my chest that told me that if I lost time, he'd slip away from me. It wasn't a comforting feeling. I knew I had nothing to worry about. I knew Jimin was straight. He had a girlfriend even. But I couldn't shake Jungkook's inclination towards Jimin off. He was defiantly fond of him even when Jimin didn't extend a friendly hand to him. To leave Jungkook behind with Jimin alone definitely sparked a fire inside me.
Not that I would ever tell Jimin about it. He was my best friend. I trusted him. And the context of it was ridiculous. Aside from one time on our picnic in the park, I never brought the topic up with Jimin. And I needed to stay on the route and respect my friend.
I was at home with my father in his home office, looking at the presentation that he was explaining to me. We had a long-running spice business. Korean condiments were in high demand before, but they are a trending subject all over the world now. People love Korean food worldwide, and that was my father's turn to shine.
He had set up a small manufacturing plant before getting married. It started giving profitable turnover by the time I was born. We have been well-to-do ever since. But over the last decade, three more manufacturing units had been set up and father was busier than ever. Thankfully for me, I wasn't going to take over any of it. My younger brother had to bear the burden. But that didn't mean I was spared either. I still had to learn about the process, and the holidays were the best time for my father to do just that.
"Appa," I leaned back on the chair and rubbed my eyes with the heel of my palms. "Can we continue tomorrow?"
"We have a lot to catch up on, Taehyung. I need you to help your brother in exporting the next batch to the Philippines."
I gazed at my brother, Jong. He turned to my father. "Actually, Appa... I also could use a break."
My father looked defeated as he slumped on the chair, knowing our camaraderie. We rushed out and Jong went to his room while I took out my phone and dialed Jimin's number. It rang and rang and when I was finally beginning to disconnect, his voice chimed. "What?"
"I called because I was worried about your safe arrival, idiot."
"Don't give me bullshit. You called to ask about Jungkook." Jimin sounded lethargic.
"What's gotten into your pants?" I laughed.
"Nothing. Just landed. The empty house feels great!"
I noted his sarcasm. "Come to Daegu. My father is choking me with all the work." I offered.
He blew a long breath. "I feel like I also should've stayed back like Jungkook. He said he was going to travel probably to Norway. I should've joined him."
"And I'd have killed you in your sleep." I supplied easily.
He laughed out loud and muttered, "Possessive bitch."
"When it comes to Jungkook... Yes, yes, I am."
"Then why'd you leave? I am kinda worried about the poor boy. He is all alone there. I asked him to come with me. Almost thought he'd say yes, but his worst trait is he's stubborn."
I sighed, feeling the weight on my chest. "Plan to visit Daegu soon. I have to go."
He was saying something when I disconnected. He must have wanted to say no, but I wasn't going to take that as an answer. I'd go bonkers if I had to sit in any more presentations. Then I dropped a text to Jungkook.
Hey, buddy. Where are you?
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4 Sep, 2023
Chapter 26: A working sieve
Chapter Text
As Jimin was sitting in front of Iseul, his eyes blankly staring at the boy, his head was in a faraway world. When Iseul blinked and tried to raise his hand a little, Jimin's lips stretched tentatively, but his smile didn't reach his eyes.
Rosenow's marriage was never free from ups and downs. It had more downs than ups. Her father had rushed them into marriage, and it wasn't a secret. They were in love, and getting together didn't seem wrong six years ago. But the force used by her father somehow left the brine in their relationship despite her thinking that love would be enough to glue them together. It was like a working sieve, dripping drop-by-drop poison in the concoction surely, but slowly.
Jimin's father wasn't present in his life, and therefore, by extension, her life. She had met Jihyun only once and the boy had ended up getting an epileptic fit by the end of their meeting. She couldn't get herself to demand to see him again. She wondered if her mother-in-law was alive, would their situation be different?
Over the past years, she had made herself an ideal wife, and Jimin had made himself an ideal husband. At times when her father's involvement in their life grew, she realized that Jimin started doing things for her out of duty and obligation more than with feelings. The cultural difference between them has also been conflicting, but she'd gradually learned about the traditions and customs of Jimin's beliefs.
Despite all efforts, she sensed that Jimin had begun to cocoon himself. He came to loathe that her father controlled them in many ways, and he ultimately retaliated. She wasn't aware of Jimin's decision to leave her father's hospital or his interest in an art gallery until the very end.
Jimin did tell her about those things of course, but she wasn't involved anywhere in the decision-making and was only informed on a need-to-know basis while things were getting finalized. With her pregnancy, she could understand that her husband mightn't have wanted to stress her out with the details, but she still felt unwanted.
She blamed hormones for her feelings then. She blamed her family to some extent too, but now that she had recovered, she wanted back in.
What led Jimin to change over the years was nothing compared to the situation worsening at an exponential speed in the last few weeks. Perhaps it was more than guilt as she thought at first.
Her mother often read her bedtime stories as a child. She loved listening to fairytales and happy endings. But as she grew, her interest changed. She remembered that she'd once come across a forbidden read about witchcraft and how many tribes still believed in it and practiced it. She had ridiculed the idea at that time, not being of faith, but everything she'd read that happened to the victims was what she was now relating with Jimin.
She'd read that if a person was being cursed using black magic, they would look like they had lost all hope, they would zone out, wouldn't feel hungry, would fight needlessly, and they would feel angry all the time.
Jimin was completely trapped in his mind. He didn't want to eat. He didn't talk. He didn't even laugh. He was angry, she could tell, but on whom? She tried to ask him the reason, tried to be intimate with him, but all she got in return was a shell of a breathing skeleton in return.
The paranormal implication seemed ridiculous to her the very next moment of her consideration. She was a woman of science. She had to be logical.
So... Her mind went to the other possible extreme.
She comprehended since long that Jungkook had left a mark on Jimin which he never consented to. Ever since Jungkook disappeared, Jimin's personality changed little by little over the years. She was aware that her husband considered himself guilty to an extent for having ruined Jungkook's career. No matter how much she tried to convince herself that whatever was going on with Jimin had nothing to do with Jungkook, she couldn't shake it off entirely, only relying on the controlled information that he gave her.
She had that one conversation with Jimin once. She had known Jimin for eleven years now, but not once had she believed that he was confused about his sexuality, and on confronting him years ago, she was left satisfied with how he had assured her.
Again after years, she couldn't help but ponder if Jimin also felt something for Jungkook before, and running in with Taehyung only scrapped the old memories, but she wasn't willing to have that same conversation from years ago twice, considering it would be disrespectful to Jimin after how much they'd grown as a married couple together, after having a baby boy together.
**
Jungkook held his mother and grandma and the three sat together to cry without uttering a word. They needed it, and it felt good to let some of the pain out, even when they didn't talk about anything from the past. "I am so sorry, Eomma, Halmeoni."
"Oh, Kookie," the eldest moved her palm over Jungkook's head. "Don't you dare feel sorry. We are all okay and thank god for his blessings. Whatever happened, it's a nightmare passed."
Mrs. Jeon's face was downcast, her lips red as she sat beside Jungkook, his arm slung around her shoulder. "Didn't you think of me even once before you took such a big step?" She asked slowly.
"Juliane, shush now." Jungkook's grandma intervened.
"No," Jungkook stopped her. "I want you to talk. Don't hold back anymore." He urged before clearing his throat and turning his frame towards his mother.
"I didn't dare to think about you before I took that step. If I did, I'd have died of a heart attack before I could kill myself if I pictured you in pain. You went through it anyway, and I am so sorry, Eomma. I am so sorry," he held her hand and brought it up to his chest, against his heart. "You can hate or slap me for it, but please don't be afraid anymore. I can see how cautious all of you are around me. I know Appa is never the one to hold back, but he hasn't asked me a single question. The same thing goes for you. I know you want to ask me a million questions, but you are acting like you are okay. I know you are scared for me. You all are... But I promise you I am never going to retort to self-harm ever again. I swear on you, Eomma."
Mrs. Jeon nodded, her chin quivering. "Good," she cleared her throat, regretting initiating this talk. "I trust you, son, but remember that if you break your promise even by mistake, I'll be the one leaving this time."
Biting his lips together, Jungkook shook his head and put it on her lap.
Minutes passed and he found sleep easily with his mother's hands carding his hair.
He didn't know how long was he napping when he opened his eyes to the sound of his father's voice. He began to sit up when Mr. Jeon put an arm on his shoulder, settling in the small space on the couch beside him. "Keep resting, son."
"It's okay," Jungkook smiled awkwardly before straightening his mustard-colored coat while he sat up, looking back at his mother who was still sitting in the same position before he went into slumber. "How was work?" He turned to his father to ask.
"Good," Mr. Jeon beamed and then found Jungkook's head craning towards another feminine voice.
A young woman in her floral top and white trousers was sitting near his grandmother. "That's Lee Minsoo," Mr. Jeon spoke to his son's discretion. "She's working with me for the Abu Dhabi chain of hotels. It's almost done now, so I wanted to thank her by taking her to dinner."
"At home?" Jungkook asked in confusion.
"Yeah," Mrs. Jeon chuckled slowly. "Long story, hun. We like her. I'll be right back."
Jungkook watched his mother go towards the beautiful woman. "Minsoo met your mother and they've grown fond of each other. She has had quite a few meals with the family actually."
"She must be close," Jungkook mumbled slowly, realizing he didn't know anything about his father's professional life. "What does she do for you?"
"She is an art collector."
"Appa," Jungkook hesitated. "I was thinking I should start doing something, too."
"That's great!" Mr. Jeon's tone was exhilarated suddenly. "I'll help in any way I can."
"I don't want to work for you," Jungkook uttered quickly, desperately meeting his father's gaze. "I- I mean... I don't think I am ready. I want to do something on my own first."
If Mr. Jeon was disappointed, he didn't show it. "Sure," he put his palm on Jungkook's back. "It's good to get out there. Did you give it a thought? What do you want to do?"
"I was thinking of picking up freelancing projects. I've been practicing painting. Or I can work with the camera. I admit that I am a bit rusty, but it'll keep me engaged. Get my mind off things."
"You can do whatever you like, Jungkook. I'll ask Minsoo to help you in setting up your interviews. Show her some of your work and she will aid you."
Jungkook felt relief like none other as his father encouraged him. He sighed silently and smiled to himself. This was the right time, he thought. "I also want to talk to you and everyone."
Jungkook's father nodded, his hand moving away from his son's back, taking its warmth.
"I want to move out."
On this, Mr. Jeon froze.
"Don't get me wrong, Appa. It's just- I want to start fresh and I think I need to be on my own for a little while. It's not permanent, but I need to do it for myself. I promise I'll visit and you can come over anytime you like," he looked up at his father with a child-like gaze, seeking silent validation. "Say something, Appa."
"Did you talk to your mother about this?" The man asked slowly.
Jungkook looked away with a gulp. "Not yet."
"You do realize that she might not be willing to let you go just yet."
"I do. But this is something I have to do. And it's not exactly letting go."
Jungkook's desperation was crystal clear to Mr. Jeon. He knew he had been inclined more toward tough love before, but he wanted to make amends this time. It was Jungkook's new life, and the man wanted to do everything right, more lovingly, and conscientiously. "I'll talk to her," He offered.
Jungkook hugged him, his heart pounding hard. "Thank you, Appa."
Mr. Jeon laughed, the rich tenor of his calm voice making Jungkook admire him. The man his father was. He looked up to him in every aspect, but he had lost the race a long time back to be like him. No matter how hard he tried, he'd never become the perfect family man. In his late forties, Mr. Jeon pulled off the easy look of a man in his thirties. He was six feet four. He never yelled at anyone, never retorted to violence, loved his family and work, and was a trillionaire. Although they were rich for generations, Jungkook believed his father took their family business to another pinnacle by expanding all over the world, to an unachievable milestone with his ahead-of-the-time thinking.
"Come, I'll introduce you to Minsoo." Mr. Jeon jutted towards the woman who was biting Halmeoni's ears off.
Jungkook nodded nervously, his heart racing to be meeting anyone outside of the family since he came home. Min Yuri, Yoongi and Suni's father wanted to visit him, but Mr. Jeon had held him back, telling his best friend that he'd allow it once his son was ready to see other people. And for that, Jungkook was more than grateful.
"Minsoo," Mr. Jeon's voice jolted the woman's body and she stood up, letting her bag fall to the ground.
"Sir," her demeanor shifted to a professional one.
"This is my son. Jungkook."
The young woman bowed at Jungkook and he was thankful that she didn't extend her hand for a shake. He hated how everyone was right-handed. Moreover, he had restricted himself from touching people unnecessarily. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Jeon."
Her response made Jungkook laugh carelessly. "That's my father. You can call me Jungkook."
The woman nodded embarrassedly.
"You're going to help my son find something of his caliber, Minsoo."
"Oh," Minsoo widened her eyes. "Were these done by you?" She asked Jungkook, pointing at an old painting hanging on the wall.
"They... Were." Jungkook trailed her gaze, suddenly feeling nostalgic. "But my current style has changed a lot since then. I am more into abstract or realism now."
"I've just the right job for you." She beamed.
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14 Dec, 2023
Chapter 27: Lean musculature of a dancer
Chapter Text
Jungkook
Three weeks.
Twenty days.
Five hundred and four hours of no Jimin.
Finally, finally, I was back and I wished that I had reinforcements.
If pink-haired Jimin had my stomach twisting in knots, the orange hair was going to cause me an aneurysm. Blood rushed so fast that every nerve in my body was mirroring the heart's loud pumping as I spotted him in the same spot I did on the first day of the first semester.
I recollected when Ulrich told me he changed his hair color every semester, but I'd forgotten about it, but seeing it was believing it. Fuck, he looked much more masculine.
I've heard about Jimin's dancing and vouched for his leaner sculpted dancer's musculature body. Delicate in his case didn't mean fragile. Polymers are also delicate, but when woven and molded, they form bulletproof glass. Jimin was like that. Agile, strong, and so, so elegant.
Taehyung was the popular one, I was good at sports, but Jimin could easily throw us both from our places if he wanted to. He played good football even when he was extra. He was among the top scorers even when I heard he didn't want to be a doctor. He was involved in almost all the extracurricular activities. He packed that kind of caliber.
He was laughing out loud over something. Thankfully, I've put a dent in the steel walls around him to let myself into the life he's created for himself and his dear ones. "Hi, Hyung!" I bellowed and two heads turned to me as I walked around the group.
Taehyung Hyung looked at me, moved forward, and offered his hand. I nodded at both of them while taking his hand for a shake. "How were the holidays, Jungkook?" He asked.
"Hey, Jungkook," Jimin answered at the same time.
After Jimin left university, I stayed behind for two more days, planning, sleeping, and drinking. On the third day, I was ready to go hit Barcelona. I flew there and stayed for two weeks. I didn't intentionally take the international roaming and spent my days hitchhiking around the city, adapting to the new culture, and healing from the silent and lethal Jimin wounds.
As the last week of the vacation started, I flew to Busan to visit my parents for a few days. All the while, my number wasn't working, but to my despair, neither was Jimin's. I wanted to hit him up, meet, and talk, but I realized he must've been using his local number, which I obviously didn't have.
When I landed in Hamburg, my network came back to life and I saw Taehyung Hyung's texts. Lots of them. The reinforcements I'd given myself about remaining buoyant about the Jimin situation coagulated into a messy coil and darkness formed a hood above my head again at the realization that I wasn't relevant enough for him to check on me even once during the three weeks. Especially after we spent the last two days at the university alone. I thought we really bonded. Guess I thought wrong.
"I was in Barcelona."
"Damn!" Jimin laughed, looking at Taehyung with secrecy as though they were sharing an inside joke.
"Damn indeed," Taehyung Hyung rubbed his tongue over his lips and looked at me with vibrancy as if he was going to explode the sunlight out of him.
"Why is Barcelona of importance?" I asked. "By the way, I am angry at you two."
Taehyung Hyung squinted at me with amusement on his lips, but Jimin remained impassive, aside from a little curiosity in his eyes with a faint smile lingering on his lips.
"What did we do? In any case, I am willing to make it up to you. Say dinner at seven?" Taehyung Hyung offered.
I'd completely forgotten about his crush on me. Fuck. "Can't. I have to go pick Ulrich up from the bus stand."
"I can drive you there," Taehyung Hyung immediately proffered.
"Can we leave now?" I looked down at my wrist to check the time on the watch and looked up at his face while I asked.
"I'll bring the car around," he nodded, briskly trodding back. "Then dinner after."
I laughed. Jimin was by my side, and to my surprise and pleasure, not looking for an opportunity to bolt. In fact, he looked comfortable. "Why are you angry at me, Jungkook?" When he asked me somberly, my anger was long forgotten. All I wanted was to crush him in a hug.
"You didn't even text me once." I shrugged.
He smiled, moved his hand over his mouth, then clutched his nape before shifting his gaze back at me. "I did. But your number was out of service. Maybe it was long ago that you didn't get any notification."
Fuck that blush on his cheeks. Was he embarrassed to admit it out loud?
"I'll see you at dinner then?" I didn't know what to do with the information that he just gave me. I wanted to ask what he texted, but I couldn't. Also, where was the bitch? I'd not seen her around much lately. At first, I assumed it was because of exams that they were busy with their preparation, but maybe I was hoping too soon. It was only the first day. Maybe she was coming with Ulrich. But Ulrich would've told me. Besides, I knew she'd never travel in a bus. She was rich daddy's little bitch after all.
Anxiety wafted off me in waves.
"It's better if you two eat alone tonight," there was a teasing lilt in his voice, something that angered me.
"You got plans with Rosenow?" I looked at my looped fingers, staring at cuticles for micro-organisms. He seemed to falter and I neutralized my expressions quickly. "Why spend the first day alone in the dorm?"
"If it's okay with you both, I guess I can come, too." He could never convince a child with that sobby job of excuse.
Then Taehyung Hyung blared the honk of the blue car. We turned. I gripped his wrist. "Let's go. I am not taking no for an answer."
I guess the second semester was for new things. He hadn't slapped my hand away, so it was a win in my book. But he resisted.
"Can Jimin Hyung join us for dinner?!" I screamed at the open window of the car and Taehyung Hyung's head peeked out. He gestured with his hand to come in.
**
"Ulrich wasn't fed at home it seems." I laughed at him. The same four people who had last dinner before leaving for the holidays were back again.
"Don't patronize me. I can't eat while traveling," when he was a tamed and refined version of himself in front of this group of seniors, he didn't care about his tone as he rebuked.
"I am sorry. Geez!" I frowned at him.
Taehyung Hyung was a bit silent. Maybe he did mind the other two here. I could humor him, even test if my closeness with him would affect Jimin at all. But Taehyung Hyung didn't deserve that. He had been there for me in everything, even if it was for a reason. I had to be honest with him about my feelings, too. It was a long time now.
Jimin seemed to have caught his mood too, so he kept talking to him slowly. I was left alone to ponder. The old wood table created rhythmic noises against my knuckles and I yawned and hit my knees under it. Taehyung Hyung must have noticed it because he got up and slumped on the couch beside me. "Bored?"
"Kinda sleepy."
"Shall we order dessert then?" He asked, wanting to wrap up quickly.
"Not really. I want to watch my weight for the next few months." I replied honestly.
"So do I," Jimin cleared his throat, his focus on food. When he looked up, we were both staring at him expectantly. "Dance starts soon." He clarified as if it was obvious.
"I also wanna audition," I found myself chiming in.
"You dance?" He asked, his perfect eyebrow raised a bit.
"Sometimes."
"Jungkook," Taehyung Hyung laughed nervously. "What all are you going to do? You can't possibly drop football." There was a bit of fear and worry in his tone I sensed.
"Don't worry. I'll still be in the sports group. Jimin Hyung is there, too. If he can do it, I can also make time."
He sighed in agitation. "That's because Jimin doesn't really play. Does he?"
"But he practices every day like the rest of us." It was now a whole separate argument happening around one side of the table.
"Hey, hey," Jimin clapped his hands twice. We both jerked and snapped our necks in front. "He's right." He pointed at Taehyung Hyung. "We are only allowed three extracurriculars. You are already in football, swimming, and gym. It would take permission from your parent to even enroll in a fourth activity. University can't afford the score dropping. We still have to become doctors, remember?"
I groaned. "But I really want to. It won't affect my studies. I promise I am a genius."
They both laughed at my response, and I glared in Ulrich's direction to check why he wasn't laughing. Turned out, he was knocked the fuck out on the chair.
"Please," I turned to Jimin with a pout.
Jimin looked at Taehyung for a moment before surrendering. "Fine. Auditions will start once the semester results are out. If you have an A+ and your parents allow you, I'll be more than happy to audition you."
"All that just for audition?" I grimaced.
"You will be in only if you are better than the best. Sorry, Jungkook," Jimin bit the lime between his teeth as he so apathetically broke my heart. My poor, in-love heart. I was going to enroll because of him. I was the best dancer in my school, but I was best at everything in my school. The situation was reversed here. Everyone was best at something or the other. One really had to constantly thrive to meet expectations.
"Oh," I squared my shoulders in pretend overconfidence. "I am the best you'll ever find out there."
Taehyung Hyung threw his arms in the air and grabbed his jacket before leaving us at the table. "What did I do?" I asked Jimin.
"Pretty sure a lot," Jimin laughed. "Ask him."
I didn't understand. But I wasn't going to ask. Taehyung Hyung was my friend, but he had no say in telling me what to do, or what not.
"Wanna give me a hand?" I jutted my chin toward Ulrich.
Jimin sighed before he got up.
The weather was pleasant, but the cool air compelled us to wear cotton jackets above our shirts. Jimin removed his black one to hold Ulrich better and my eyeballs almost popped out when I saw the bulging biceps and the peaks on his arm.
Fuck that.
If I had to hire a trainer to teach me to dance, I would do it. There was no way I was missing a chance to be near Jimin. I'd kept my fantasies about him very PG-13 until now, but I couldn't help but want him on my body right then. How did he get his biceps better than me? And how long until I got to hold them as he worked me on his dick?
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4 Apr, 2024
Chapter 28: Trinity of feelings and vision
Chapter Text
Taehyung
"AI can never replace us."
"I only said that it's saving us a lot of time. A team from Osaka was able to reconstruct the visual images from MRI scan data using stable diffusion. Imagine how any comatose patient can be helped with it." Jimin talked passionately.
Jungkook's eyes ping-ponged between us. We fell into the regular rhythm. Classes were running. We were studying again. The football practice had also started last week, and Jungkook had moved back to his old dorm after the place was renovated. I thought he'd like to stay in the VIP dorms, but Jungkook was more unpredictable than I thought.
The agitation in me was building every day when I couldn't express myself to him. Why was it so fucking difficult? I never felt this way about anyone, but when I did, I was more afraid than assured. What if Jungkook stopped hanging out with me altogether? What if he quit football? Worse, now that he had a new hobby on the street to pick his mind, he would easily switch to dancing.
He hasn't talked to me ever since the dinner. We hung out together, but he mostly stayed with the rest of the group.
Jimin has been preparing for the year-end university event. He has been doing this for three years now. Why did he have to drag Jungkook along? I knew it wasn't his fault, but I wanted to spend more time with Jungkook.
No matter if I convinced everyone in the group about Jungkook, if we didn't go anywhere from where we were in the past, nothing mattered. I had to make excuses to bring Jungkook to our dorm every time. And Jungkook should have been awarded an Oscar for his obliviousness on the matter of my heart. How could he not see? Or if he did, he should have gotten another Oscar for his acting for pretending.
"You're right," I mumbled. "My father has laid off quite a bunch of operators from the manufacturing unit after automizing the process. I guess I didn't feel kindly towards it. It's just that AI is doing more harm in some areas."
Jungkook looked at his phone. He wanted to leave this conversation with all the zeal he could muster. I could tell by his body language that he was waiting to run off.
I didn't say anything. I was getting tired of always being the one to initiate our plans or talks. He never showed any interest in our outings, and I believed that today was just not it for me. At first, we ended up taking a surprise test. Then Andre and I had a spat in the dormitory. Now that I wanted to eat dinner in peace, Jungkook refused to eat because he wanted to wait for Ulrich, who was on his part-time job, Jimin decided to debate on the unruly topic, and to top things off, Jungkook seemed like he was here against his will.
I needed to call it a day.
His phone chimed and his face lit up.
Whoever it was, I needed to find the fucker, and I needed to talk to them.
Jungkook was going to be mine, and I needed to communicate the same to anyone who wanted to look at him without platonic feelings.
He was already the most popular student in his class because of his involvement with us and in the sports club. He scored the highest marks, too, so the swooning girls were unavoidable. The Jeremy kid also batted his lashes at Jungkook everywhere he went. I didn't care about those teenagers, but whoever was making Jungkook jittery had to be dealt with.
Jimin
"Thanks, Hyungs," Jungkook air saluted us with a big grin as he stood up. "I'll see you all later."
I waved at his retreating figure as he basically ran out of the cafeteria and then I looked at Taehyung glaring at him as if he wanted to murder him. "Who called you ugly?" I snorted.
"How did you know Rose was the one for you?" He asked, his face still magnetized to Jungkook's back.
"I didn't," I answered honestly.
"How come?" His attention turned to me.
I laughed. "Rose is a pretty woman and I guess I was attracted to her. We tend to like pretty-looking people... Things. Is it not?"
"I guess," he shrugged, sighed, and then drank water. "But you guys are like soulmates or some shit now."
I understood his dilemma of finding out if what he was feeling for Jungkook was it. "Relationships work on loyalty, Tae. You constantly need to put effort. The heart and brain need to synchronize themselves for a human being to function properly and stay alive. Imagine if the heart stopped pumping blood to the brain, the body would not only be brain dead, it would die altogether, stopping the heart with it. Rose and I... It's not what it seems. We also have disagreements, but we both work towards the same goal, to stay alive, together."
"You make it sound like a job." He fell back on the chair, his head lolled back.
Maybe it was like a job. The job that one needed for happiness. "You'll see once you are committed to someone."
"Do you think you and Rose will end up together?" He then asked.
"I don't know," I shrugged. "Quit being so whiny. I have work to do." Stretching my limbs, I took notice of him. He looked really dejected today. I thought he just needed time with everything.
I walked back to my dorm alone while thinking about what Tae had asked. I've lived my entire childhood and pre-teen learning about numbers and money, and when I was an adult, I didn't get to act on my biological urges. I liked a girl at school, but there was never the right time.
My mother's condition was something my father wanted to keep private, and I agreed with him. I didn't have many friends growing up in school. I was afraid that if I let them near me, they'd see how problematic I was. Someone with no passion, timid, confused, and unambitious.
The thought enraged me on lonely weekend nights. That was when I picked up dancing after watching a reality TV show. I started dancing in my room. It was something that brought fleeting happiness which was just mine, safe from anyone's eye. I taught myself to dance, and then when I was in high school, I took contemporary as optional.
The fact being divulged was that I didn't think Rose and I were going to be the end game. Never being in a relationship before, when I found certain tension and attraction between me and her, I thought it was my only chance to feel anything remotely close to love and relationship.
We started because we clicked, and looked good together, but I thought if I felt so strongly, it would embarrass me with her, and yet, it didn't happen. I couldn't deny my love for her, but that all-consuming feeling was never there. I cared about her. I constantly urged her to talk to me so I could be with her through her familial issues. The intimacy has also been active and passionate. How would anyone know what love was? Has anyone ever felt it?
Jealousy. Obsession. Indignation. Everyone experienced them all the same, but love? It was different for every individual. Perhaps my thought-of definition of love didn't exist in life. Maybe that was why I was disappointed and angry at myself to some extent. I was nineteen back then, soon to be twenty. It would be a shame if I said I didn't experience true love when I had. What Rose and I had was love. And I was certain that I'd in the future establish my uncertainties debilitating .
Jungkook
My dance trainer was late this evening. I'd been taking various dance form classes for days. My trainer was a 20-year-old, chic lady. She wore baggy clothes and a backward cap every day. Her wavy ponytail was always hanging low, and she wore excessive perfume, perhaps to indemnify the sweating. She always smelled nice.
But now that she was here, I didn't spare another second and began stretching. The small wireless speakers were loud enough for my small dorm. She had said that my body knew the basics of moving and isolating, that I had a sense of music, whatever that was, and that I'd learn faster.
She wasn't wrong. We tried B-boying on the first day and it took me three more days to perfect my postures and find my balance. Then we experimented with break dance, locking, popping, and hip hop.
Jimin was going to hold auditions in two weeks. The event was bigger than I'd anticipated. There was a notice put all around the campus about the auditioning committee and the accepted forms of performances. Each person had to either perform in a duo, a group of not more than five, or solo. And we had to prepare the stage for a whole minute and a half.
I'd quit my part-time job before the vacation started. I was supposed to get back to it, but this was more important. It was just a matter of a few more weeks. I needed help in preparing the act for an audition. If I got selected, I'd then have a choreographed routine to perfect, which I could. I'd also slowly figure out a way to spare a few hours for work. I'd cut my nap time.
Besides, I had earned — if not good — a fairly praiseworthy amount in a few weeks, courtesy of the rich son of a minister who commissioned my sale. I was yet to give that money to Ulrich. He thought I'd never be able to go through with the job, but I couldn't wait to see the look on his face when I gave him the money.
"You are distracted, Jungkook!" She yelled at me. Her voice was husky, pleasant on the ears. Sometimes I intentionally made boo-boos just so she could raise her voice. She was diminutive in stature, but fierce while dancing. Her face never lost composure when her voice raised, which was the best part about her. She betrayed no emotion and I desired to master it for myself.
"SORRY, MA BELLE!" I chuckled, and she must've seen through my act. She sighed, resigned by my behavior.
I could never work in a serious environment. I needed to break the tension before it began.
"From the top," she rewound the song and clapped on the beats, staring at my feet with critical eyes.
I started dancing again. Before Ulrich came and found me mid-theatrics, I had to get done with it and wipe the room clean of evidence.
At least eating late had one perk, I got to have a cold meal with my friend.
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8 May, 2024
Chapter 29: Pandemonium of the world
Chapter Text
Jimin raised one grain of rice with his chopstick to his mouth and bit it with his Incisors. He repeated it quickly while Rosenow watched. "Are you okay?" She interrupted the man.
Jimin tilted his head, his mouth stretching into an absurd smile to refute the concern. "What do you mean? Of course, I am."
Then why don't you focus on anything except your work? You space out with Iseul in your lap. You haven't been yourself when we are together at night. You don't talk to me anymore unless I do. You spend too much time at work. You come home drunk and go straight to bed. "You have been silent lately, Jimin. Is something bothering you at work?" She asked, extending her hand to hold his, hoping once again he wouldn't shut her down like numerous times in the past.
Sighing slowly, Jimin grabbed Rosenow's palm and smiled at her, the stiff smile that fooled no one. "I am sorry. You are right." As he was apologizing, it wasn't lost on him that he didn't know how to make things better. He had been trying to find Jungkook, but failing miserably. He even went to length to also hire a private investigator, but he hadn't heard anything from her either.
Jungkook was in his mind constantly like a worm, seeping into deep tissues every minute. The fear, anger, confusion, and regret, forming a complex mass of emotions presented him with a dull ache every waking breath. He was failing inside, as a husband, father, and human being, and he couldn't ask for help.
Everyone blamed him in the past, and he couldn't picture anyone coming to stand with him now. What was his fault? That he couldn't reciprocate someone's feelings?
He was told he deserved to suffer. His friends boycotted him because he was in love with a woman. He had to see people revolt because he decided to get married and chose happiness. He was told he didn't deserve people's sympathy. He was demoralized because Jungkook decided to up and disappear.
It was the same as patients' families blaming him for killing their loved one in an unlucky and failed surgical event. People forgot about him the moment they stepped out of the hospital if he saved lives, but they cursed him forever if someone lost a life. They didn't care how he stayed up in the operating theater without eating and sleeping for hours with his legs swelling and his body on the verge of a breakdown, trying beyond his capability to do right.
How was any of it fair? How could the world show sympathy towards Jungkook in the same breath as they vilified and destroyed him? Why was everyone blind to see his side? Why were they immune to his pain?
All his friends sided with Taehyung. No one kept in touch with him. As a result, he changed, never stopping trying to make it right, thinking like everyone else that perhaps he deserved to be blamed. He started to believe that he was an outlier, cast away to burn in the pandemonium of the world's making, the same world he wanted to bloom, the same world in which he sent kindness and saved lives.
Now that he knew that Taehyung probably found Jungkook, he didn't know whether to look for him first and apologize to him the second time, or face Taehyung's malice all over again. Knowing that it could hurt his wife, he kept his endeavors private, only suffering alone, overthinking through the nights all the while shouldering the responsibilities of marriage, barely holding it together.
He had lost his strength, his will to make amends, and above all, hope.
"Jimin?" The woman was now standing beside him, her hands on her knees as she bent down.
"Yeah?" The troubled doctor's eyes widened slightly to notice that Rose was standing very close to him. "I am sorry. You are right. You are right. I am having a rough time."
"I know, sweetie," Rose palmed his cheeks, looking into his misty eyes. "You should lie down for a bit."
"Okay," Jimin nodded, "but don't worry about me. You need to stay with Iseul. I'll be fine. I promise." He spoke mechanically.
Rosenow's worry gave way to horror at Jimin's quickly changing condition. She held his arm as sudden tears started descending from his eyes. "Jimin," she bent lower, wiping his tears. "What are you feeling? Are you in pain? Should I call someone?"
"No, Iseul - Iseul needs you. Take care of him for me. No matter what happens, you have to take care of him."
"Jimin," Rose began sobbing out of her wits when Jimin started gasping for air.
Without losing a jiffy, she maneuvered to grab her phone and called the only person that came to her mind who could arrive there quickest.
**
Jungkook was walking slowly on the top of the bridge. The cold air inspired a feeling inside him that he let settle deep, leaning against the railing and breathing. Frans wanted to see the bridge and Gwangan beach. A soft smile formed on his lips.
Taking out his camera, he tried to capture the surroundings with his feelings in real-time, but it was a long since he stopped being capable of that.
He skimmed around to find someone. On seeing a girl eating fish cake not five feet from him, he paced to her. "Excuse me, miss. Do you mind taking a few pictures of me here?"
"Oh, sure," the girl stuffed the cake all at once in her mouth and wiped her hands on the sides of her coat, making Jungkook smile. He used to live with the same energy as her at once. "Are you a traveler?" She asked while positioning the camera at Jungkook.
"Not really," Jungkook posed and waited for the click sounds. "But I haven't lived here in a decade." He said as the girl gawked at the tiny screen to check if the shots were okay.
"Oh," she nodded, her lips forming a beak-like pout. "Don't move!" She screamed when Jungkook swayed a little. He stopped, his heart suddenly racing at her voice. With indifference, she started clicking again. "When did you come back here?" She casually asked while examining the shots again.
Jungkook decided that the pictures were now enough, so he demanded his camera back and put it in his pocket without looking at the pictures. "A few days."
"Nice," she beamed. "I am also leaving for Japan. I got into a medical college."
Jungkook had to look at her again. "Congratulations." She didn't look more than eighteen. "Let me buy you food or coffee for helping me out. Would that be okay?"
"Oh really?" Her eyes widened.
"Of course. You were kind enough to take pictures of me."
"Stop!" She blushed, hitting Jungkook's arm softly. "You are handsome, Ajusshi. Anyone would help you."
"Ajushhi?" Jungkook grinned at that, his heart falling into normal rhythm. "Do you think I am that old?"
"Omo," she pouted in horror, looking hapless. "I am sorry. I didn't mean it like that, Sunbaenim. You are really handsome. When I go to college, I want a boyfriend like you."
Jungkook genuinely smiled. "You will find someone more handsome than me."
With easy trust between them, they began to trod down the bridge.
The teen wanted to have street food by the beach and ice cream, so Jungkook decided to eat with her. He wasn't allowed outside food and doctors have recommended a limited intake of alcohol. The evening was pleasant, and he thought that eating street food once wouldn't kill him.
After buying from various carts, they settled down on the sand. Many neon objects were being sold by the vendors. Children were giggling, looking at the light show happening in the distance. A few people were buying neon ankle bands and bracelets.
Jungkook recollected how he used to come there with his family as a kid. He felt grateful for his grandmother, who was a strong woman, having had her share of hardships, his mother, whose heart was a fragile little thing, and his father, who although acted like he was made of alloy, was hurting because of him.
With no childhood friends to turn to, he found tranquility in the temporary companionship with this girl. But he couldn't talk to her about his situation either. Only people who could understand his pain were back in the facility, fighting their own battles.
Tonight reminded him of Ulrich. The only friend he made in his life and lost too soon. What would Ulrich say if he were to contact him tonight? Would he remember him? Would he want to have to do anything with him anymore? Was he married now? A successful doctor perhaps, too? Or would he find Ulrich hurting because of his decision?
"Oppa?" The girl pulled him out of his trance.
Jungkook laughed with her as she pointed her finger at a kid hopping like a Kangaroo by the shore as he ate cheap and delicious food with ice cream.
**
Opening his eyes, Jimin squinted at Taehyung.
The man had a block of hair fisted in his palms as he stared at his crotch while sitting on a chair beside his bed.
"Veragana Arumus? Is this you?" The last time they spoke, Taehyung was in Neoviva and was cursing and yelling at him over the phone.
Taheyung 's exhale was loaded with relief when he released his hair to look up and caught Jimin's gaze and his beaming smile. "What the hell, Jimin? I told you not to call me that." He complained casually.
"You don't like the nicknames I give you, Rock Bison?" Jimin's smile was solidifying by the minute.
Taehyung shook his head once. "How are you feeling?" He asked, leaning back on the chair, finally relieved.
Jimin breathed deeply, bearing his surroundings for a scrutinizing minute. His upper body was naked and his pants were pulled up until his knees. Four metallic clips were attached to his chest and two to each of his ankles, all connected with a wire that was further dotted with a screen. "You numbed me?" Jimin asked, opening his fingers and closing them in fists to check his motor response. "Idiot. I wasn't having a heart attack. Angina at best. Or panic attack."
"Since when did you start getting panic attacks?" Taehyung asked, folding his arms around his chest.
"Where's Rose?" Jimin couldn't control a peal of laughter that escaped him under the influence of drugs and anesthesia.
Taehyung remained seated but pulled out his phone to dial her number. A minute later, the woman rushed into the bedroom with a glass of water. "Jimin," she stifled a sob. "Drink some water."
As she helped Jimin to have water by supporting his head, she also cried a little.
Jimin sipped some amount and then fell back, holding her hand. "Don't cry, hun. I am not that easy to get rid of."
"You scared me, Jimin." She began sobbing and heard Taehyung clearing his throat. The realization was made known that they weren't alone.
"I'll be right outside," Taehyung informed and didn't wait for a response before walking away.
"I am sorry," Jimin kissed her knuckles. "Is Iseul sleeping?" He asked.
"Yes," Rose wiped her face and nodded. "Do you want to see him?"
"No, no," Jimin interrupted quickly. "Don't wake him up. I'll go to him."
"You aren't going anywhere." Came Taehyung's voice from outside the door. "Doctor's orders."
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15 Jul, 2024
Chapter 30: Dance auditions
Chapter Text
Jungkook
Ridi, my dance trainer, went her way after three weeks of training me. She had said that she never met someone before who danced like his life depended on it. In my case, it did. It had been three weeks since I last met Jimin at dinner and Taehyung Hyung and I sort of fought.
Our first semester results came two days after that.
Ever since that night, I have been busy training for the audition.
Today was the big day. I had prepared 'Hold It, Now Hit It,' but I wondered if I could've gone for something more electronic beats.
I was standing outside the seventh-floor auditorium in a queue. It felt like I was in a concert entry line with how many students were ahead and behind me.
The music would play inside and then stop within ten seconds. For a few students, it played longer or even twice. I could distinguish Jimin's voice through the mic, but it came to me in a splattered wave of energy, undiscernible.
With my nerves frying, I hit a student on the shoulder inadvertently. He turned and looked at me. He must have seen my condition to start to speak with me. "Nervous?"
I nodded.
"Which year?"
"First, second sem."
"Oh," he made an impressed face. "Not many first years have the courage for the strenuous process."
"Is it that bad?" I fisted my t-shirt and wiped my clammy hand over it.
"It's my third time," the senior chuckled.
I looked back, seeing the line had grown twice in size. Come on! Don't you guys have studying to do? If I were to leave, this was what I thought was the right time. But a rebellious person with no cause inside me prohibited. I tapped on the boy's shoulder this time. "Did Jimin sir take the audition?"
"Why yes. We are classmates, but he was snagged away by the uni dance committee in the second semester. If you get chosen, you'd be second to achieve the feat."
I felt the pressure building. No, I definitely couldn't do it. "He's that good?" My mouth renounced the words softly.
"Jimin owns the stage, bruh. He's got muscles you won't believe."
"Oh," I blew raspberries. "Trust me." I arched my brows, nodding at the senior quickly in a manner of appreciation. "I do. Wait- Do you have a crush on him or something?"
The boy laughed, out loud. "You could say that if I were gay, he is exactly the kind of a man I'd want."
"This was a bad idea." Just as I decided to abandon my place, the auditorium room opened and Jimin walked out, looking all business with stapled papers in his left hand and a pen in his right.
"Next ten together," he commanded and I was pushed from behind for hurried entry into the auditorium.
**
It took me at least five blinks to adjust to the darkness inside and take in the objects. There was a sleek wooden table placed in front of the first row of chairs. Two people sat, discussing among themselves. There were water bottles, tissue boxes, and lots of cassettes. The temperature was chilled, causing me to rub my fingers over my goosebumps.
There was also a faint smell of popcorn. I was trying to make out where the snacks were when Jimin waltzed back in, closed the big doors, and took the space beside the two people. They all stiffened when Jimin grabbed his mic and stared down at the sheet, clearing his throat. "Leonie, Bernard, and Jürgen. Please step on the stage."
The three behind me rustled and walked up the stage using the movable ladder set. A spotlight shone on them.
"We'll play 'It's tricky' first."
The sage-green-eyed boy stepped ahead while the two stepped back.
"3, 2, cue music."
I could only gulp a few times and stare from the time Jimin sat and the music started playing. I watched then, the boy dancing to upbeat music. Jimin's focus was like a hawk, eyes moving throughout his body like he was scanning a barcode.
The music continued for more than twenty seconds and I chanced a glance at Jimin, only to have my heart in my throat. He was looking straight at me.
I snapped my neck around and cowardly stepped behind, wishing he wouldn't call my name. On my nerves, I didn't even watch the whole performance.
One by one, everyone took turns, danced, and left the room from the backside door, all with Jimin's voice instructing them.
"Jungkook," his voice called me at last. I didn't know if him putting me at the end was intentional so no other students could see me, but I was so fucking thankful for it at any rate. I looked at him as if to silently beg him to let me go without making me do this. "Is your song ready?" He asked me, his tone a bit softer.
Maybe I was imagining it, but a little warmth went all the way to my heart.
I nodded.
"Good luck, Jungkook. Ready whenever you are," he smiled.
God damn, he smiled.
I forgot every fear then, thankful that no one except one faculty member and a senior student in the auditioning committee was present along with Jimin in the room.
Taking a deep breath, I let my eyes fall close and when I opened them, I couldn't see anything down in the auditorium. I knew his eyes were on me, even if I couldn't see him, so I took comfort in my temporary disability and danced.
I danced like it was the only thing that brought me delight. I danced like it was the only thing that connected me to Jimin, and the song kept playing. I only realized that I was dancing for a whole minute and a few seconds when the track ended.
Huffing, I stood there until his voice tethered me. "Back through the gate 3."
Bowing, I jumped down the four feet of elevation, forgetting the wooden staircase, and ran.
The effect of the bright spotlight still blinded me, so I couldn't focus on my surroundings much ahead as I took one step at a time, and lunged out via gate three into the bright daylight, as bright as Germany could offer.
I saw two people there. "Hey," one of the boys stepped towards me. "How long did your track play out?"
"More than one minute," I answered mechanically, still trying to control my wild heart.
"See, I told you. We got in. I danced for fifty seconds. Yours was one minute. They are letting the failed ones go through gate number four."
I heard them talk. My heart rebelled again, picking up speed mid-sentence.
"Did you say we might've gotten in?"
Jimin
Just when I opened the door, Taehyung greeted me on my bed.
"Why are you not studying?" I threw my keys to the side table and waltzed in.
"Like you could focus on anything if Rose was running around town doing stupid stuff."
After taking off my shoes, I walked into the bathroom. "Jungkook is a good dancer, Tae. Some polishing is needed on the edges, but I can help him."
I heard Taehyung let out a beastly grunt while I splashed water on my face. "So it's final then? He got in?"
With a face towel in my hand, I halted at the bathroom door. "You should've seen him. He was really good."
"I don't like this." Taehyung fell back and pulled a pillow over his head.
"I don't have time for this. I am going out to dinner. Get changed."
That invited Taehyung's attention back. "Going with whom?"
"Jungkook."
I expected something from him. Any response would've been better than no response. He didn't even move. "Well?" I prodded.
"No."
"Why not?"
"He hasn't talked to me in three weeks, Jimin. You might disagree with it, but I still have my self-respect. I know I am the one pursuing Jungkook, but the least he can do is be respectful not because he thinks I am a puppy dog, but because I am also his senior. Besides, you two can bromance for tonight."
The words burned in my chest. I had established that Jungkook wasn't interested in me anymore before the semester vacations started, but I still felt guilty that I never told Taehyung that there was one point in time when he did pursue me, even for a little bit. "There's nothing like Bromance. He's just a kid."
"Yeah, right!" Taehyung chided with half his vigor. "He's always following you around, Jimin. You can't tell me you don't see it."
I felt the weight of lead lodged in my stomach. He was right, but was it still because of obvious reasons? No. Jungkook couldn't still be on it. Right? I saw a change in Jungkook. But I hope that he has changed. God, I hoped that was the case and Jungkook was still not expecting anything from me because I would tell him today and tomorrow that they would never happen.
"There is nothing. He just looks up to us, Tae. Don't tell me that he hasn't followed you around in the last semester," I went to the back where I had a small changing space by the wooden wardrobe cabinet. I pulled the shirt off my head and picked a black Henley shirt to wear. "You were the one who took him to most of the parties and introduced him to most of the clubs. I am sure he isn't sightless to acknowledge it. He is just bubbly and still childlike. Give him time. Besides, you have to tell him. How will he know if you keep sulking in here? Has anyone been able to ever resist your charm?" I walked back to bed and sat down to wear the shoes that I brought back with me.
Taehyung smirked lazily. "You are right. He will come around."
"He has to," I smiled at him.
"You look extra gorgeous today, baby. Let me have a taste." He gripped my head to pull me down, and I slapped him to push him back to the mattress.
I chuckled when he let out curses. I grabbed my jacket and my wallet before shutting the door on my way out. I was sure when I returned, Taehyung would be gone.
As I got out of our dormitory, I found Jungkook twirling on the heels of his shoes while low whistling a song. "Hi." I gestured towards the parking area. Ever since I saw him in a towel before the holidays, I swear to fuck I started noticing his build and features. It wasn't what it looked like. No. I didn't look at him in any other way than admiration, but I sure wondered if I ever noticed any guy as closely as I had started noticing Jungkook. Maybe I was curious about what other men saw in me when they approached me with romantic expectations and wanted to gain perspective. He smelled of Jasmine.
"The usual?" The bounce in his steps and the energy in his chirping voice made me smile.
"No," I told him, my eyes straight ahead. "Tonight needs something special. Doesn't it?"
"Why?" He grinned. He was waiting for me to admit that he was a good dancer. It was one of the things that we kept arguing about for the last three weeks. I didn't see him much, but he texted me sometimes saying that I should take his autograph now before he became unapproachable and famous.
"Because you won at something, Jungkook..." Then I looked at his innocent face. "And as your Hyung, I want to treat you."
His smile faltered but he filled his lungs with a quick inhale before letting it out with an imperceptible shake of his head, like he was convincing himself that whatever happens, he will not let anything bring his determination down. "You didn't congratulate me yet."
I smiled and turned my gaze back to the ground until we reached the car.
We drove to the nearest city which was only fifteen minutes away. Because of the weekend, the place was bustling. I parked in front of a big bistro and Jungkook got out, looking at the surroundings. "Come on," I told him while skirting to his side.
He followed me and we grabbed a table that I had pre-booked. When I announced earlier in the day that he had made it to the dancing group, he was exhilarated. He jumped up and down by grabbing my hands when everyone else left and told me he wanted to treat me to dinner.
I was so proud of him at that moment that I told him that it would rather be me to treat him to dinner, and here we were.
"So, Jungkook," I started a casual conversation. "What's happening in your life."
He put the menu down. "Well... I had great holidays, not that you contacted me during them."
"I did." I laughed.
He ignored it like he did many times whenever he complained about me not contacting him in the past weeks. "Studies are going well. Although, I am stuck in one chapter. I was thinking of coming to you guys for help, but Ulrich is a scared-y cat. He wanted us to brainstorm together once more. I will start my part-time job starting tomorrow."
"Oh?"
"Yeah," he smiled somberly. "I quit because I needed to give myself some time to practice my dance routines, but I still need to help my friend."
I smiled genuinely to know how passionate he was about his set goals. I placed the order when the server came to our table, Jungkook placed his, and then I asked. "How does Ulrich feel about it? Did he accept the money last time?"
"Not really, but he didn't reject it either."
"How is that?" I leaned back, feeling comfortable with Jungkook.
"He opened a new account and deposited all that I gave him as well as your check."
"I hope you didn't tell him where it came from."
"No. I would never. I promised you."
I nodded.
"He tells me that he would put that money to good us e ."
"You are a good friend, Jungkook."
"I would be an even better boyfriend." He said without losing a beat, his eyes focused on me with military-grade precision that I couldn't miss even if I wanted to.
And just like that, my comfort shook. "I am happy he has you, Jungkook. And that you have Ulrich."
I didn't know if his tone was flirtatious, or if he intended the comment for me, but I hated that I was on eggshells around him. Nonetheless, I wasn't going one passing comment much weight. He has shown me promise, and I was gripping onto it because the other case would be catastrophic.
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29 Jul, 2024
Chapter 31: Picking crumbs of his attention
Chapter Text
Jimin
I was rushing out of class to go and change for football practice. Taehyung would kill me if not for anything else than for hogging Jungkook's time. In my fourth year, I was used to the strict schedule, but I was a bit worried about Jungkook, who was juggling many things. Perhaps Taehyung was right and I shouldn't have encouraged him to audition. It was too late now that the committee had frothing to their mouth after seeing Jungkook's caliber. They wouldn't let him back down easily.
Would that adamant boy even want to take a step back?
Jungkook and Tae still weren't speaking. I couldn't give Jungkook the benefit of the doubt that his interest in me was gone. Taehyung was waiting for Jungkook to make his move first this time, so I planned to change a few things around.
The moment I entered the field, Taehyung shrugged disapprovingly and pointed at his Apple watch. I waved a hand and indicated at the locker room. I only needed five minutes to go and change. My eyes fell on Jungkook right before I barged in.
I practically shoved my formal clothes in my bag and put on a jersey with knee-length shorts. The summer had arrived, but it wasn't like Korea. The temperature reached balmy degrees and it was always pleasant to carry a light summer jacket. All of us would still be sweating like pigs by the end of the practice.
Done with a wardrobe change, I beelined towards the Captain, Wolfgang. "You are late. Again!" He shrieked.
"Stop screaming. You'll give yourself a heart attack." I grinned and slapped Taehyung's rear, suggesting to start the practice.
The still-glaring captain whistled towards Christoph, who was also in a similar outfit to mine, but with an addition of a headband. He kicked the ball towards another boy on the team and then it was ambush.
It was us and the fifth years, but we played like every other person on the field was the enemy. Taehyung was the most ruthless.
I got the ball and from my defense position, I could take a shot, but then I gauged Jungkook's position and Taehyung ahead of him.
My strategy took a few seconds and in that time, I was swarmed by the seniors. I screamed Jungkook's name and passed the ball to him.
He panicked a little when the tall and some even bearded seniors shifted attack towards him. My job was done. I was itching to scream at him to pass the ball to Taehyung, but I stayed back, breathing hard and watching Jungkook regain focus.
He was trying to get out of the web that the seniors had put around him. Taehyung was running, but he wasn't calling Jungkook's name.
Everyone on our team was watching with nail-biting anxiety.
Overworn by nerves, Taehyung finally hollered. "Over here, Jungkook!"
That encouraged the youngest of our team to push the ball to Taehyung and the moment my friend got hold of it, he kicked it so hard that the goalie went flying through the net.
Everyone roared in celebration and Taehyung rushed to Jungkook and ruffled his hair before picking him up in a celebratory stance. Jungkook grinned at the attention and his eyes searched around.
When he spotted me, he pushed down on Taehyung's shoulders to release him and ran towards me. I patted his head, too. "Good job."
Jungkook
After days, Jimin texted me to meet him in the parking area. It was almost dinner time, but food wasn't important. With spring in my steps, I gaited to the all too familiar ground.
On seeing the blue car, I broke into a jog.
Weeks were passing like days. It had been a month and a half since our new semester started and we returned from holidays, but it felt like only a few days had gone by. At this rate, I was worried I would devour all six years and it would be soon time to return home or think about the future.
My schedule started with me waking up at five and then studying for an hour before going swimming for another hour. By the time I returned, it was time for classes.
After classes ended at two in the afternoon, I had lunch with Ulrich, rested for some time, and then got ready to do a group study session. It was two of us some days, and some days I dragged Ulrich to to seniors' dormitory.
By five in the evening, I was on the football field, practicing for a good one hour. Then I scheduled for light dinner. Late in the evening, we had dance practice three times a week.
The last time I said something vaguely flirtatious to Jimin was the night of our dance audition. Ever since he went back to his shell again. I was hopeless. I tried to think of ways to pull him out of his cocoon again, but every time I so much as expressed a pint, he ran for hills.
I was frantic that I'd be unable to make any progress. Despite the amount of activities I was managing, the worry of how to express my feelings without Jimin running away was the most stressful thing. But on the flip side, I was seeing less of Rosenow with Jimin. At least that saved my blood from boiling too much. He must've seen me from inside because he got out of the car and closed the door behind him. "Hey." He smiled.
It was a simple greeting, but it fluttered my heart to a maniac rhythm when I saw his smile. "Hi, Hyung."
"How was your day?"
"The usual," I shrugged. "What about you?"
"You know," he shrugged, too. "Also the usual."
I laughed softly. "Did you eat?"
"Not yet. I was thinking of eating with the girls tonight. Rose is coming over with Anja."
"Oh," I tried hard to fake that I was happy for him, but my facial muscles gave up. "Why did you call me?" My voice came out even and timid.
"Listen," he shifted on his feet. I knew where he was going before he said anything. "I know I have no right to tell you what to do with your life."
"You can," I cut him off. "I value you a lot, Hyung, in case you didn't know. I would listen to you if you ask of me something." I wanted to drive my point home, even if what he was going to say was not what I wanted to hear.
He looked surprised but then his features softened. "Taehyung is your senior, Jungkook. You might not know it..."
Don't say it. Don't say it.
"...but he cares about you a lot."
He didn't say it, but he might as well have with how he looked at me like I knew all along and he wasn't sure if I was fooling him or myself.
When he realized I wasn't fazed by the revelation, he continued, maybe wanting to say it in clearer words. "I am not going to ask you for anything you don't want to do. But this silent war between you two has gone too far. People on the team can see the tension between you. They are talking. He is also the team co-captain. If not for any other reason, I think you have to show him respect simply because he deserves it."
"But I do respect him." I countered.
"I know you do, but you need to go and talk to him. You know he would do it for you, but it's different this time. It also gets uncomfortable for me when both of you are in my room and not talking to each other."
"You are right," I told him. If my actions made him uncomfortable, I would do anything to correct that. Besides, he was right about being respectful to Taehyung Hyung. "I will talk to him."
"Thanks." Jimin beamed.
"Don't say that," I smiled. Sadness followed my steps when we started heading back to the building. I wanted to spend some more time with him.
"When will you talk to him?" He asked.
"Tonight."
"Why not now?" He pushed.
"Now?" I halted, craning my neck to look at him.
He jutted his chin towards my phone. "Call him. You don't have dance practice tonight. You have time to make up and put differences away."
Was that it? Was this his way of killing all my hopes once and for all?
"Okay," I bit my bottom lip hard, hiding the nervous wobbling of my chin.
When I dialed Hyung's number, Jimin patted my shoulder in a friendly gesture and began to walk backward before finally turning and getting away.
I gripped the phone with brute force, my heart beating. "Hello?" His heavy voice pierced through my disappointment, images of Jimin and Rose forming in my head. "Hello, Jungkook. Is everything okay?"
"Em... Yeah, Hyung. I- Can we talk?"
"What is it?"
"Not like this. Can I see you?"
"Sure. Have you eaten?" He asked.
"No," I answered, my eyes tearing up as Jimin took a turn to his dorm wing and disappeared.
"Do you want to ditch the Uni food and get some pizza? My treat."
At that moment, I wondered how would I break Taehyung Hyung's heart. I wanted to eat with Jimin, but I wasn't his priority, and on the other hand, even when Taehyung Hyung was angry, he asked me out for dinner.
It wasn't about dinner. What Jimin was doing to me, I was doing to Taehyung Hyung. " Thanks, Hyung. I am outside."
Taehyung
I took the quickest shower in the history of showers. To save time, I wore my clothes on wet skin without drying myself and sprinted not to make Jungkook wait for long.
When I reached the parking, I slowed down not to seem desperate. He waved at me from a distance and I smiled after inching closer. "I was surprised to get your call."
"I should've called you sooner."
"Come on," I grabbed his wrist and aimed towards the exit. "We can talk while eating."
"Are we walking?" He asked.
"We can take the train. The pizza place is right down the next station from here," I opened the app to check the train timing. There was one leaving in five minutes. "Do you have a travel card on you?"
"On my phone," he lifted the device to show me.
"Do you mind running?" I hated that my head was short-circuited. I should have stopped by Jimin's room to get the car keys. And once I saw Jungkook, I didn't want to go back. Now, we were running while laughing. At least, it broke the tension.
The moment we reached the platform, the train was ready to depart.
I let Jungkook take the window side. My hand instinctively went behind his seat protectively. "So," now that we took back some oxygen in our lungs, I initiated the conversation. "What happened to us?"
"Hyung," he took a shallow breath, looking ahead as if to simplify his thoughts. "First of all, I am sorry. I shouldn't have acted immaturely. It was rude of me to stop talking to you."
"Why did you stop talking to me?" I wiped my mouth to stifle my smile, but it didn't help my case.
Jungkook looked down in his lap as he fidgeted with his fingers. Docile Jungkook did things to my organs I rather wouldn't have preferred to prioritize at that moment. "I don't like it when anyone tells me what to do. I guess- my father always decided for me and it's not like I am still briny about it, but - God! Why am I talking about it?"
"Hey," I held his shoulder in assurance. "It's okay. If you want, you can talk to me."
But then the train stopped and we had to pause. I guided him out and the topic changed easily as we got out of the station and entered the pizzeria.
The owner saluted me when I entered and I greeted him in German. Jungkook did the same before we navigated through the crowded place. He preferred sitting on the table by the wall to a table by the window.
I didn't object. Once comfortable, I gave him the menu and asked him to order for the table, anything he wanted.
He chose Carbonara and Pollo pizza for me with two beers. After the server took our order, I pulled my seat closer to him and asked him in a soft voice. "You were telling me that you don't like when people dictate you to do things."
"I don't," he replied honestly. I fucking loved the guts of this kid.
"And you felt that I crossed that line?" I asked sincerely.
"Twice."
"Twice?" My eyes widened.
"Once when I was trying to set up the fundraiser."
"By selling your half-naked pictures." My eyebrows raised to pierce the point.
"I get it. Trust me, I do. It was stupid. But it was my idea nonetheless. You snatched away my camera and didn't even apologize for it, and then about the dance auditions... I know you were worried my performance would affect football, but maybe you could've articulated it in a better way?"
"I agree," No. I didn't stop him because of the reason he cited, I was worried it would be too much for him and that I would get less time to spend with him. It wasn't like he was taking any of my hints. I wanted to have more time to ease him into the idea. I understood it could be a lot if I propositioned that we dated, and that was why I was going slow.
Like right at the moment, I wanted to say that I didn't give a damn about football, but I sensed the distress he was trying to hide. It wasn't the right time to be open about my feelings.
"I am sorry, too, Jungkook. I am fiercely protective of people I care about. But I got your point. I will take it down a notch."
For all the things that could've happened, Jungkook breaking into tears was not even on the hundredth place of my guess list. I had to check twice to ensure that he was really crying.
Then I pulled him into me and hugged him. "Shhh... Whatever it is. I promise you it's going to be alright. I am with you. Okay? I am here for you."
Instead of being consoled, he only cried harder. And I knew, it wasn't just about me — or what I presumed — about his father.
Chapter 32: Lies and self-preservation
Chapter Text
Jungkook
When Taehyung Hyung left after walking me to my dorm, I was thankful that Ulrich wasn't there. He would've easily guessed I'd cried.
I couldn't stop and picture how Taehyung Hyung took care of me and ensured that I ate as I washed up. He didn't even let me have alcohol, telling me that I should never touch it when I am sad. The distance that was created between us blurred and I felt closer to him than before.
I could see sincerity in his eyes. He really liked me. But I didn't know what to do or think. I asked myself if I should forget about my feelings and give a chance toTaehyung Hyung? It was logical. Our lives would make a lot of sense.
But as I sat on the bed, thinking of ways to get rid of my feelings for Jimin, I was rudely reintroduced to the reality that it was impossible for me. Where would I even begin?
Ulrich walked into the room and rushed towards me. "I have news."
When I looked up at his face, his brows drew slightly.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
I shook my head.
"What's wrong?" He asked, grabbing the bean bag and dragging it to the edge of my bed. He sat there expectantly, waiting for me to talk.
"Remember when I told you I like Taehyung Hyung?"
"Yes," Ulrich's face fell. "Did he - I am sorry. What happened?"
"I lied."
"Huh?" He scratched his neck.
"It's not just like. It's been months since I was aware that I was in love."
"Wait- I am not getting it. Did Taehyung sir do something I warned you about?"
I laughed sadly, discerning my friend's concern. "It was never Taehyung Hyung. I am in love with Jimin."
Ulrich looked away, on the ground, silent.
I waited for him to speak, but he didn't. I didn't know if he was angry or sympathetic. I needed some kind of response from him, but I didn't get it. I didn't speak either.
After minutes passed when he unfolded from the bean bag and sat beside me, his hand on my back. "Why didn't you tell me?" The way he didn't reprimand me and understood my situation in the short silence was commendable.
"Your cousin-" My words started breaking, my voice turning heavy. I cleared my throat. "I didn't know if you would understand. You would've asked me to forget about it, but I am incapable of doing that. I don't know if you ever fell in love. It's unbendable, Ulrich. It's problematic. It doesn't listen to reason or understand the practicality. You will only understand when you are in the same boat."
He hugged me from my side and said, "I am sorry."
His empathy for me broke me down. His words were simple but showed a deep understanding of my situation. I hugged him back, turning and gripping his shirt tightly. I cried for long minutes. I was aware that he must be tired after a whole day of studying and job, but he didn't mind holding me.
"Did something happen today?" He asked gently when I stopped crying.
I reluctantly managed to pull back and carded my hands through my hair, dazed. "I made a fool of myself many times. I flirted with Jimin and told him I found him attractive. He didn't take my actions in the way I was vying for. There was a time when he was uncomfortable around me, and it killed me. I thought initially it was a strong attraction, but whenever I saw him around Rosenow... it felt like I was dying a little. I stayed up on many nights."
I went on and told Ulrich about Jimin and my interactions at the parties, gym, and the Uni. He listened to me until I told him that earlier Jimin told me Taehyung Hyung likes me.
"And you had no clue about it?"
"I figured it out around our exams."
"I wonder why it took you so long. It was obvious to me from day one that he was into you. I would've pointed it out to you had I known."
I gulped, embarrassed. "You must think I am a wreck."
"You are a wreck," Ulrich's tone had some anger at first and then his tone leveled. "Why are you doing this to yourself, Jungkook? You need to forget about them and take a break."
"I am trying," I sniffled, wiping my embarrassingly red nose.
Ulrich's nose twitched and he touched it. "What is it?" I asked him. "Tell me. I can take it. Nothing can hurt me more than loving someone who can't and won't be mine."
"I am not sure if I should."
"Please, Ulrich. Whatever you are thinking, I can take it."
He looked at my messy hair and puffy and moist eyes, and the irony wasn't lost on me. "Jimin sir and Rose are having troubles in their relationship."
The words as though kick-started an engine with brute force. My drained soul recharged itself in an instant. My ears perked up. Ulrich must have seen hope on my face so he brought me down from my high. "Don't overthink and expect too much. But if there's anything I can do to help you, I will."
"Ulrich," I reached and held his hands. "I would give you my firstborn if you do this."
"You and Jimin sir will make a baby together?" He asked, unable to stop himself from laughing.
"Not together," I grinned. "But we can make individual babies with IVF. I am sure there are kind women out there who would donate their eggs."
"And where would you hatch those eggs?" Ulrich also grinned now.
"In-vitro. I will become an OB-GYN if that's what it would take to make a baby. But I will give you that baby. I promise you. That is if you want it."
He shook his head with the same zest, looking at me like he believed that I was crazy enough to do it. He has seen me pursuing the group of seniors. He knew my perseverance, and now he knew whom I had eyes for. "If you fail, Jungkook, I don't want to see tears. Okay? You are too young. You will find love again. I don't want my friend to be depressed and failing classes. I will support you on one condition."
"Anything."
"I will help you, but if your score falls, I will not only stop helping you, I will call your parents and tell them everything."
I raised an eyebrow at him. "You wouldn't."
"Try me."
A challenge in our eyes, we stared at each other for a long time. I leaned and joined my forehead with his. "Tell me what was it about Rosenow."
He smirked and pulled away. "Okay."
My heart pumped harder. I felt myself sweating with nerves. "Rosenow has a younger brother, Alex. He was institutionalized for addiction. He's in rehab right now."
"Oh," I didn't feel great listening to that. Did Jimin know? Why was he fighting with Rose about the brother?
"He was a good kid, but he was loaded with expectations. You know how his family is filled with doctors, and when he told his father he wanted to become a writer, they had a huge family spat. My uncle said he wouldn't allow it. He rebelled. Cut to two years later, Alex was put in prison for vandalism under alcohol influence. He was also banned from many clubs. He got out of hand. And he is the heir to their multi-millionaire trust. My father and uncle don't see eye to eye, but my mother and Rose's mother are still friendly. I heard from my mom that Rose's father wanted Rose to bring her boyfriend home. He is trying to evaluate Jimin sir and whether he could take over his empire in the future. Or at least that is what I and my Mom think."
"Has Jimin met with her parents before?"
"No, not that I know of. I was in high school when their relationship started. I had no clue, but then one day before I graduated, I was panicking about my admission and Rose told me she could help me by introducing me to someone who could guide me. That was when I got to know about Jimin sir, but we always met outside in the cafes or parks."
"Okay," God! This was too much to take in. "This is something."
"You could say that. Now, Rose wants to take him home, and he isn't willing, which I think is the whole reason behind their fight."
"It means that he isn't sure about Rose or their future together," I smirked, connecting the invisible dots. "I mean if Jimin asked me to go meet his parents, I would without losing a minute. I am that sure. If what I feel for Jimin is not what he feels for Rose, then I have all the right to break them up."
Ulrich scrunched his nose. I knew he was the good guy, and hurting anyone or an idea of causing any harm to people, much less his cousin, must be damning, which begged the question. "Why are you helping me, Ulrich?" I smiled mischievously. "I know I am your friend. But Rose is your family. And in your story, she is even a good guy. She helped you in Uni admission."
"Only because she knew I would get in with or without her help and then I would find out about her boyfriend. She was only making a deal with me. Besides, I have my reasons why I don't like her."
I didn't want to push him further to divulge his secrets. "What do you suggest I do?"
"Shouldn't you know better?" He shrugged easily. "Jimin sir is distant with her. I don't know. Go and talk to him. Be a shoulder to cry on. Charm him."
"Charm him?" I teased.
Ulrich's cheeks reddened. "You know- Do the stuff you do to woo a guy. How would I know? It's not like I ever met a girl of my dreams."
He has got everything right. But there was one problem. My face paled.
"What now?" He asked as if he could sense my feelings.
"He told me he had a plan with girls for dinner. He told me Anja and Rosenow were coming over, which means, they aren't exactly fighting anymore."
"He lied," Ulrich looked down, speaking slowly as if Jimin was listening to him.
My brows screwed together. "Why would he-" Of course. He would. Why would he tell me that Taehyung likes me? Why would he force me to go and talk to him tonight? Why indeed!
Potent anger dissolved my underlying despondency at the realization.
"Does Taehyung sir know that Jimin sir told you?" Ulrich asked, his face buzzing with anticipation of my response.
Thank God I didn't spill in front of Taehyung Hyung. I almost told him I was in love with his dumbheaded friend. It was magic how Ulrich picked up my thoughts and feelings. He would one day become a really good doctor. "No. But I'll show Jimin who he is messing with."
"Should I be scared?" He asked.
I took a deep breath. "If I were you..."
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28 Aug, 2024
Chapter 33: Tried for six years and failed
Chapter Text
Jimin woke up to Taehyung glaring at him. He all but giggled, knowing his friend was worried.
"Have you any shame, Jimin?" Taehyung unfolded from the lounger chair and crossed his arms against his chest.
Jimin's smile diminished slowly. "Where is Rose?" Peering at the door hoping to see his wife carrying his son, he found no one. He craned his neck back to look at Taehyung.
"She's outside. Iseul was crying and she didn't want to wake you," Taehyung's voice softened as he stepped closer to the bed but hesitated. "You are going to be fine. Don't scare her again. She really thought those were your last words."
"Sit," Jimin patted the mattress and the other male's gaze averted to find Jimin's pure eyes. "Please."
Taehyung couldn't say no as he settled beside his bedridden friend. There was a time when he hugged Jimin to sleep whenever he was stressed, but their worlds were tilted now. He had been helplessly reminded repeatedly every time he looked at Jimin's face that Jungkook had chosen.
He had begged Jungkook to reconsider. Jungkook decided to end his life rather than be with him. Every time those thoughts crossed his mind, they torched a spark of hate so grudgeful that he hated Jimin with his entire being.
"Today made me realize that Iseul won't have a father figure if something were to happen to me," Jimin began in a sad voice. "My father doesn't have time for my family and Rose's father will mold him into his puppet."
"Shut up," Taehyung spat angrily, schooling his facial features into nonchalance. "I know where are you going with this. I dare you to finish this sentence and I'll kill you with my own hands."
"You'd love that. Wouldn't you?" Jimin chuckled sourly. He breathed, blinking his eyes to plunge the tears back into his eyes while sitting up. His palm held Taehyung's shoulder for support. "I want you to be his godfather, just in case."
Taehying scoffed, not believing what he was hearing. His throat was starting to constrict and he didn't know why the fuck was his cornea burning. He stood up in haste, causing Jimin to innocently look up at him and wait for his response. "Don't ever die on me, Jimin. I hate you, and I want you to live a long, suffering life."
Jimin grinned now, shamelessly at that while he rubbed his eyes. "How long are you going to keep this up between us, huh?"
Yes, Taehyung thought. How long? He has been dying to hug Jimin and cry his heart out, to tell him that he was broken, too. He wanted to apologize and dared to think if things could go back to how they were. But he could either choose his obsession or friendship.
He almost wanted to quit his long pursuit of finding Jungkook after looking at his friend's face. But then he reminded himself that more than anything, he needed to see Jungkook for himself. He couldn't abandon his quest now when he was so close. Year after year, he faced nothing but disappointment. His private investigators failed every time, but Namjoon finally found Jungkook, or rather the city he was in.
He looked at Jimin, his eyes begging him to wait for some more, that he would come running to him after he'd find Jungkook.
He waited for Namjoon's call like a person with an anxiety disorder, every hour, every minute of the day. Any day now. He could feel it in his gut that he would see Jungkook any day. And then he would return to Jimin to beg for forgiveness and also to forgive him.
Without saying anything, he walked out of Jimin's room.
**
Heads snapped in Jungkook's direction and three pairs of hands froze in the middle of eating when the younger cleared his throat. "I want to talk to all of you after dinner."
His mother nodded. Silent dinner wasn't a new thing for her. Before Jungkook returned home, they hardly ate together. She always fed her mother-in-law first and ate with Mr. Jeon whenever the man wasn't traveling for work, which he did more than often. When Jungkook came home two weeks ago, they changed that and made efforts to eat all the meals together except when Jungkook visited Gwangan Beach and told them that he'd already eaten with a 'new' friend.
She couldn't be happier that her boy was doing better, but looking up at her son, she felt worried as they finished the rest of their food. She sat in front of Jungkook with her husband and her mother-in-law sat beside her son, sharing the couch with him.
Jungkook sniffled first and cleared his throat, picking up a tissue from the box at the table separating them. He wiped his nose and cleared his throat again, shifting in his place.
"We are here, sweetie. Whatever you want to say, we will understand and support you." Mrs. Jeon reached over and squeezed Jungkook's palm.
The youngest in the room nodded. "Jimin..."
He said one word and everyone's spine stiffened. His mother pulled back and sat unsteadily. It was happening. He was finally ready and was talking about something he never spoke out loud. At least not for a long time.
Mr. Jeon studied Jungkook's tone and his gaze.
"I'd never seen someone like him," Jungkook took a deep breath. "He was kind, he was helpful, beautiful out of this world..." Jungkook didn't want to see the disgust in his family's eyes, so he kept his gaze directed at the yellow flowers in the silver vase that was on the table. "I fell for him all at once. He was a man whom everyone wanted, but it wasn't his fault. It was my fault that I thought I could make him want me at that time."
Mr. Jeon wanted to interrupt, but Mrs. Jeon held his palm painfully tight.
"Three years... I constantly tried to express my genuine feelings for him, but he let me down so gently that I thought I would get back up and try again. What I didn't understand was that he was never going to look at me the way I did."
"I didn't know he would take vows to stay with someone else till death part them. I couldn't accept that it wasn't me he ended up with. It felt like he slipped right through my desperate grip. I didn't think I loved anyone out of my family like I loved him. I only knew that it would hurt too much to breathe knowing he belonged to someone else in this life. I didn't want to feel that pain." His tears dripped. He didn't care to wipe them or make any effort to stop them. "I didn't want to die every single day, so I chose to end it at once."
Everyone was silent. Mr. Jeon's neck was showing the red creeping underneath.
Mrs. Jeon's face turned crimson with effort to not break down feeling the pain of the child she gave birth to.
"And then I died a thousand deaths either way every time your faces crossed my mind. Every day when I was suffering. Every time you worry about me. I brought shame to all of you, to Jeon's name."
"You didn't," Jungkook's mother said sternly, unable to hold herself. "It's not a sin to love, my baby... But you should've confided in me. What's done is something I don't even want to ever think about. But I am your mother and you will always be my little boy... The one I fed and bathed, the one I taught to talk and walk. If push comes to shove, I am here to take anything on behalf of you. I am so proud of you that you stayed strong. I know it was beyond what you could take, but we are all here together. We will get through this together."
Jungkook smiled sadly. He would've loved these words more if they came from his father, but he understood that all the man ever wanted was to protect his family, and he made him fail. Some things would take time to amend. His father worried for him and loved him, but he was also angry and Jungkook wasn't ignorant about it. He did bring great shame to his father. He just needed some more time to make everything right and hoped that his father would look at him once again as he did when he was seventeen years old.
"I know, Eomma..." Jungkook got up to skirt and sat on the floor, in front of his mother's legs, holding her knees.
It wasn't a young man who was looking up at her, Juliane looked down at her son to see a little boy.
"I hurt all of you and I realize that pain can be remedied. No loss is bigger than time lost. I have misplaced my credibility, but I still want to beg you and everyone..." He glanced at his father before facing his mother. "Trust me that I have understood the value of living. I am never going to follow my footsteps from the past." He looked at his father again and then at his grandmother one by one. "I am never going to hurt any of you again. Please trust me."
"I trust you, son," Mr. Jeon pulled Jungkook while getting up and slowly, hugged him.
And that was all it took for Jungkook to break down entirely.
His body shaking, and his cries reverberating in the house made the rest of the two tear up in heart-cinching pain. Jungkook clung to his father like a scared child, thankful that he was willing to give him another chance by showing his trust in him, but he also felt afraid because God knew he didn't want to break his old man's trust, but he also knew he was just wired differently. He'd tried. He'd tried for those six years and failed.
By the time he stopped crying, they were all too numb from pain. Jungkook was back on the couch and the three people were sitting across from him.
He stared at the wall and when he spoke, his voice felt alien to him. "You know that Appa is helping me in getting interviews. Right?"
Juliane nodded.
"I want to work again. Do something on my own."
"That's great news, baby." His mother smiled.
Jungkook slowly craned his neck to look at her. "I also wanted to ask for one more permission from all of you," he said slowly.
Juliane grazed Jungkook's hair, encouraging her boy to ask for anything and she'd bring it for him. "What is it?"
"I want to move out."
He blinked.
Mrs. Jeon's breath shuddered which she immediately hid. She looked at her husband and mother-in-law briefly before averting her gaze back at Jungkook. "Do you have any place in mind?"
The fogginess in his brain settled and his expressions schooled into astonishment. He didn't think she'd ask that. In fact, he thought that she'd end up crying again. After all, she was affected the most after he attempted to kill himself. "Nothing big or fancy. I just want to have something of my own. Not immediately... But maybe if I get the work somewhere, I'll look for a place in the nearby area? If it happens."
"It will happen, Kook-ah," it was his grandmother this time who spoke. "My little boy has turned into this amazing man. Who would dare to overlook his talent?" She spoke tenderly and then fiercely. "If anyone rejects you in the interview, you tell me and I'll deal with them. Deal?" She asked in a plotting tone.
"Stop it, Mother," Mr. Jeon shook his head. "Your days of being a crook are behind you. I need you to please take good care of your health. I can take care of my son."
"Your son?" The woman berated her son. "There would have been no 'your son' if I didn't give birth to you and raised you. Besides, Kookie loves me the most."
Jungkook smiled at last at their banter with tears still in his eyes. When his gaze locked with his mother, he found her watching him silently. She was trying to figure him out, trying to read the things he didn't say. She was a mother after all.
One day, she would find out. Jungkook feared what would happen then.
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4 Oct, 2024
Chapter 34: Permit to record memories
Chapter Text
Jimin
I saw Jungkook in football practice. He seemed different. He was laughing more, going back and forth to Taehyung a lot. I didn't know how to describe it, but even on a surface level, he was looking like he couldn't have more fun, yet I could sense something was off. He didn't look at me once , and I wasn't whining or complaining about it. Not that I wanted him to look at me, but it felt abnormal.
Just two days ago, he was as ecstatic to see me as he could, and after one dinner with Taehyung—which my friend mentioned in passing —Jungkook's attention completely switched from me to Taehyung. It wasn't believable, but I was trying to wrap my head around it. Maybe they finally talked and Jungkook decided he would be better off with Taehyung.
Some would ask w hy was I even thinking about it. It should have been good riddance, but something stung. I chalked it up to neither Taehyung nor Jungkook telling me about their new relationship.
If something had happened between them, I would take full credit for playing Cupid.
Shaking my head and letting out a breath, I ignored the pinprick as I entered the practice room on the seventh floor of the Uni building, only to find Jungkook with a black camera and Hoseok laughing out loud.
The GoPro in his hand looked like what food bloggers used to make vlogs. He was making videos, telling people what to do. "Jungkook," I called his name like a teacher would upon entering a chaotic class.
He turned to me with the same, goofy, smile and pointed the camera right at my face. He clicked something on it. "Say hi, Hyung."
I peeked into the camera and redirected my gaze back at his face, hearing his immature giggles. "Hi," I told him without amusement. "Can you explain what is it?" My finger pointed at the camera lens.
"It's a camera, Hyung." He kept zooming in and out on my face.
"I can see that," I tilted my head further to see his well-confined face behind the black object. "Whose permission did you take to start video recording?"
That wiped his smile and I felt myself jolt at the loss. "I needed permission to get the camera?" Asking innocently, his shoulders slouched as he lowered the device a little.
"What are you intending to do with recording?" I crossed my arms, asking in a softer tone.
"Nothing. I will keep them as memories." He told me, pouting and hugging the camera to his chest like I'd seize it from him if he didn't secure it.
I shook my head and puffed my cheeks before exhaling heavily. I had a big day today. "Fine, you can fill out the permit form and bring it to me. I will approve it."
"You would?" He excitedly stepped closer and his cologne invaded my senses. "Thank you, Hyung."
I couldn't help but smile. "Yeah. No problem. Now take it away. We have practice to do."
"Okay," He clicked something again and pointed it at my nose. "Say something."
My chest rumbled as a laugh bubbled out of me. "You little - Put it away before I change my mind."
He didn't stop recording me when I turned and took off my jacket. I watched him in the mirror, frozen in his position, his camera pointing at me from behind. I waved to break his trance. My brows raised in warning as I made eye contact in the mirror.
He shuffled eventually and took off towards the back of the room where everyone had put their water bottles and towels.
Before I could play the music to stretch, I saw Taehyung walking in. My eyes went to Jungkook before I could stop myself and he caught my action. I felt this irrational jealousy pricking at me somewhere as I watched Jungkook dart across the room speedily.
I shook it off because it was baseless, yet I couldn't get rid of the thought of my reaction in my head as I began to teach the choreography to the rest of the students.
Taehyung was sitting, watching Jungkook dance. He never came to watch me, but there he was, wasting the time he could've used for something else. I stopped the music after half an hour and picked up my towel to wipe the sweat.
Jungkook went to Taehyung, a big smile on his face. I was always the person Jungkook trusted the most to discuss his things with, but I guess if those two were dating, it made more sense that Taehyung would be Jungkook's first. I didn't feel good about it, no matter how much I told myself that it was normal, but at least the guilt of hiding that Jungkook had a thing for me from my friend was no more. My work here was done.
As I consoled my mind with a big sigh, the room's door opened and everyone's head whipped to see Rose along with two more girls walking in.
The room fell silent as she came to me with papers in her hands. I knew what those were. She was in event management, and they also started working like all other committees for the final event. She stopped before me. "Hi," I said softly.
"Hi," she mumbled. "I hope I didn't disturb the session." She looked around to see everyone who was either drinking water or was huffing on the floor. Her gaze stayed a second too long on the duo at the back and she smiled.
"No. You didn't."
"I am here to discuss the arrangements. We have planned everything for the year-end event. Keep this copy with you and check the timing of everything and the agenda. If you have any requests, we will schedule a meeting."
I took the sheets from her and flipped them to see the table where all the events were serialized. My eyes automatically went to the end because our dance performance always took the last spot.
We tried to do it right before lunch once, and we found that most of the students didn't come back for the rest of the shows. Since then, we always held a dance at last to keep the audience hooked. But as I looked at the table again, I saw that my name was mentioned twice for two slots for dance."I think there's a mistake. You have blocked ten minutes after lunch for dance and then fifteen minutes at the end."
"No," she sighed wearily and by then Jungkook and Taehyung strolled towards us. "We lose participation from the audience after lunch and they come back to the arena a few minutes before the final performance. The event committee decided that they would break the time slot into two parts to engage maximum reach."
"Except that you forgot to ask me," my tone didn't hide my objection. "It will take two months to finalize one performance of fifteen minutes. And no. You didn't break the time slot, you added an extra ten minutes. It can't be done."
"It's not me, Jimin," Rose answered patiently. I knew she didn't want to make a scene in front of the room. "It's the committee."
"What's wrong?" Hoseok piped in, taking the sheet from me.
I threw my hands in the air and sat down on the small elevation at the front of the room that connected with the wall-sized mirror, rubbing my eyes.
Rose's eyes narrowed at Jungkook, who was standing with a worried face. She didn't respond to Hoseok and stepped closer to me, looking down. "Can we at least discuss?"
"Ask them," I pointed a general finger at Jungkook and students standing behind him. "Can they take out an extra fifteen hours from their schedule to practice to fill that ten-minute slot?"
Rose's face was suddenly red with anger as I put her on the spot, and I caught the moment her eyes brimmed before she turned around and gaited towards the door. I stood up, wanting to follow her, but I stopped and I saw in the mirror Taehyung shaking his head at Jungkook as he tried to reach for me.
And Jungkook stopped.
My mood soured further.
Was this how I have been with Rose? Doing what she wanted and prioritizing her over my friends. I thought Jungkook and I were friends, but guess dating took precedence.
I let out a breath and resumed the practice session.
After the session ended thirty minutes later, I didn't wait for anyone and took the elevator to reach my dorm first.
We only had two months before all extracurricular activities stopped to focus on the final exams of the year. Everyone felt stressed in the 'even' semesters, but today was the longest and loneliest day.
The moment I stepped out of the bathroom after a shower, I heard a knock.
I threw the wet towel in the laundry bag and opened the door to see flustered Jungkook, and then I realized I wasn't wearing a shirt. "I can come back." He offered weakly.
"No," my brain-to-mouth filter stopped working and I invited him. "Come in."
His lashes lowered and I rushed to put on the first shirt I could find in my wardrobe. "You looked exhausted, Hyung. I wanted to check on you before going back."
"I am fine, Jungkook," I told him, turning and walking back to where he was standing by my bed.
"Are you coming for dinner?" He asked.
"Later, I am not hungry yet. You go ahead." I told him, wanting to be alone for some time as I slumped on the bed.
"Okay," he nodded and he was on his way out when I heard a shuffle. I lifted my head to see Rose had entered the room. She had to have seen Jungkook on his way out.
"Can we talk?" She asked. For a moment, I wanted to contradict but then I knew we had to.
The moment I sat up, I heard a loud growl followed by bangs of things being tossed out in the corridor. "Stay here!" I jumped to my feet and pushed her deeper into the room before bolting out and locking the door.
And the sight I encountered was enough to make my blood boil.
A few of the fifth-year seniors had grabbed Ulrich. Jungkook was squirming maniacally like a fish out of water in three men's hold. These students were the troublemakers with a penchant for racism. I knew them. They came from homes where the middle-aged men in their families tended to get a bit too touchy and aggressive after getting drunk and being extremely disgusting toward young and attractive. They might've been a younger generation, but they still carried the burden of orthodox unceremonious traditions of their families.
A few of them were making the two juniors feel unsafe and uncomfortable in many different ways with only their stares.
"Stop moving!" Ken forced Jungkook's attention on him by gripping his chin and my fist came in contact with his mouth.
With a jerk, he fell back and his friend, Bob, glared at me like he would bring hell. Thomas, who was gripping Ulrich, pushed the boy in front of me.
I steadied Ulrich.
I could notice with stark clarity I was outnumbered. I could only save one and run. But that wasn't an option. "Leave him!" I growled at the three seniors still holding Jungkook, but they didn't budge.
"What are you doing creating this Asian freak squad?" One of them laughed.
I saw red. I didn't know if I would come out of this without broken bones, but I did what my impulse told me. I flung at them and then all hell broke loose.
There were violent hits from both sides. I punched them, they punched twice as hard.
The commotion grew so strong that I was sure that the faculty would get involved, but suddenly I felt people being pulled away. As I chanced a glance, Taehyung was there along with Wolfgang, Christoph, and even Andre, who had many objections to juniors waltzing into our dormitory. They were all fighting the seniors.
When they hulked out on Ken and his group, they ran with tails between their legs.
I stood up, moaning in pain while holding my ribs. I was on an adrenaline rush, and I knew I would crash and burn the moment it wore off. Somehow, I collected myself and without a glance back I walked to my room.
The moment Rose saw me, she shrieked loudly and fussed about the purple bruises I had no doubt I was sporting on my left cheek.
Taehyung entered inside and the others followed him hot on heels. I turned, my breath heavy as I pushed a finger at my friend's chest. "I warned you!" I admonished. "I told you not to fraternize with them." I pointed at the two wide-eyed teenagers. "Now they are the target. Congratulations!"
"Jimin," Taehyung approached me slowly, his hands in a surrendering gesture. "Calm down and we will talk."
"There's nothing to talk about. Be ready with everything now, because we just declared war by beating up those shitheads. I am pretty sure."
"I will get to the end of this," Taehyung said calmly, rage coolly festering inside him as he looked at Jungkook. I had no doubt he would take revenge in his own diplomatic way. I trailed his gaze to see that Jungkook had a little blood on his forehead.
"No," I shook my head, my eyes filling with nothing but an appetite for vengeance stronger than nausea in my stomach. "Let's get the motherfuckers now."
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9 Oct, 2024
Chapter 35: Rules and their importance
Notes:
I realized while posting this chapter that I'd missed the 'now' 31st chapter in the serial - 'Picking crumbs of his attention' which comes after the chapter 'Dance auditions.'
If you are also reading this story on Wattpad, then no need to go back and reread it. If you are only reading this story on ao3, you might wanna go back and read that chapter too. And you have two updates. Yay!
Lol sorry.
Chapter Text
Jungkook
I had read about curfews and riots, but I never experienced them in my life. I was sure the tense environment in Jimin's room was pretty close to it. He waited for everyone to agree with him, and when no one answered for the next few seconds, he practically flew out of the room.
I ran after him, starting a commotion.
Taehyung Hyung grabbed Jimin and he pushed him back. Christoph was next to hold him, but it was as though anger had doubled his strength. He was unstoppable.
I felt like crying. He was hurt because of me. Urich was hurt because of me. I was to be blamed for anything that was going to happen.
My friend had warned me that he had seen the fifth years' outside Jimin's dormitory wing, but I ignored him like every other time. We had been sneaking in for almost a year, and nothing had happened, so I took all the warnings for granted.
I recollected when Jimin wasn't supportive of us waltzing in unannounced. He had a reason. I had to find it the ugly way.
As he roared to get out of almost everyone's grip, and no one could handle him, I jogged ahead and hugged him with all my might, pushing him back with my body weight. My eyes widened when he pushed me away, but when his eyes fell on me, I caught him jolt before stopping.
Taehyung Hyung quickly gained traction. "We will handle them, but not like this, Jimin-ie." He gripped Jimin's cheeks, speaking in his face.
I didn't like how close he was, their lips inches apart, but I soon realized Taehyung Hyung was trying his best to divert Jimin's attention. And it worked when Jimin blinked and his body swayed. Everyone reached out to help steady him, but he raised his hands. "I am fine."
"You are not fine, Hyung," I told him.
He came in front of my face so fast that I thought I imagined him moving. "You are hurt." He touched my forehead.
My fingers trailed where he touched and all I felt was loss of his warmth when he moved away. "I am okay."
He turned to Taehyung Hyung. "Who is coming with me to the sixth-year dorm?"
Taehyung Hyung let out a loud breath. "That is what I was thinking, but not now. It's late. Let's sleep on it and approach this with a straight head."
"On the contrary, I have never thought straighter than I do right now. I am going with or without you."
When no one disagreed, Jimin moved towards the exit and all of us followed.
"That's what I thought." He snarked.
My heart was mimicking the bass of a speaker, pounding. We looked around before skirting the wing. I had never seen this side of the uni. It was more secluded than the jungle behind the cafeteria. It seemed like this was a good spot for doing anything, but we found not a single soul wandering outside.
Taehyung Hyung and Christoph walked side by side and Jimin and Wolfgang led them as we entered a corridor.
They walked straight to the last dorm, as though they knew who lived there. I heard them knock.
When the door opened, an extremely tall and handsome man came to the door, his hair blonde and his jaw sharp. With his icy-blue eyes, he looked us over. "Sir," it was Jimin who spoke. "We were ambushed in our dorms."
Everyone seemed nervous. It was the first time I understood the gravity of the hierarchy system, why Ulrich always told me not to call Jimin and Taehyung 'Hyung'. I understood why Ulrich warned me to not be friendly with the seniors, and why he reprimanded me every time I went to the senior's dormitory. I didn't follow the rules. I was an anomaly.
The handsome senior remained calm before he scanned each one of us. His eyes stopped on me for a few seconds too long and I squirmed, automatically shifting behind Christoph.
"You," he pointed at me. "And Taehyung."
Taehyung gaited ahead, grabbing my hand. Then the cold-looking senior looked at Jimin. "Come in."
He opened the door wide.
When I entered, I was stunned to see how organized everything was. There were more books than clothes. Every wall was covered with study charts and the study area was bigger than the bed.
I remained standing while he offered a seat to Jimin and Taehyung Hyung. I could see the respect in their eyes for the senior. They sat, posture ramrod. "Where did it go so wrong?" He spoke in his heavy voice.
All I could do was reflect on my childish and stubborn actions and how much these two let me do it. Sure, Taehyung Hyung allowed it because he liked me, but Jimin did, too, despite having objections, and he was hurt the most. My mind swam with thoughts, the voices drowning.
When they stood up, Jimin grabbed me and walked me out of the room. He then said something to Taehyung Hyung and grabbed Ulrich before silently starting to lead us back to our dorm.
I was walking with him, but the only thing I could feel was numbness.
Ulrich opened the door and Jimin sent us to wash up and change. I went through the motions like a robot and then he instructed us to get inside our comforters. We both laid down on our beds and Jimin sat on the bean bag. I looked at him and when he caught me staring, he smiled softly. "Go to sleep, kid."
Sensations came back to me and I realized that Jimin was in my room. Ulrich had passed out. I sat up.
"Hey, go back to bed." His voice was soft. He was looking nothing but drained, a purple bruise had formed on his left cheekbone.
My hand raised to touch it, and he hissed before swaying back his head. "You are hurt because of me," I told him, my voice small.
He sighed as though he knew what would I say. Getting up from the bean bag, he sat beside me on the bed and gripped my face firmly. "You didn't do anything. It was them and they are being dealt with as we speak."
"I am sorry, Hyun-sir." I didn't know how to stop the trembling in my jaw as he held me. He pulled me in and hugged me, and I tucked my nose in his neck, smelling his shower gel and faint cologne.
He laughed gently. "You can call me, Hyung, Kook. Shhh... Don't think too much now."
"But-" I tried, and he didn't let me finish.
"No," when his fingers rubbed a soothing motion on my back, I closed my eyes, my heart stabilizing. "Don't do this to yourself. Okay? We won't let anything happen to you or Ulrich."
"Okay," I answered. "What will Taehyung Hyung do now?"
"You should go to sleep." He pulled away and slowly pushed me down.
I didn't want to. I held his hand, and he let me. "Please. Tell me."
"They must be in the fifth-year dormitory, warning them that if they did this sort of thing again, sixth years won't tolerate it."
"Why are sixth years helping us?"
"It's complicated. We did them some favors when they were in their fourth year. Let's just say, we hid quite something and cleared their way not once, but twice. And fifth years know not to provoke them. The sixth years' will be doctors from the next year, and they could make things difficult for any of their juniors. It is necessary to maintain an unsaid decorum inside and out of the Uni."
I nodded. With Jimin's soft voice and warm hand, I didn't know when I fell asleep.
**
The next morning, the news of something happening was making rounds before I even made it to class. I tried to find anyone to talk to, but Ulrich didn't let me, telling me that our class was the only one that was not being investigated and we had to keep it that way.
The activities starting from sports to dance were canceled for the whole week.
In the evening, I strolled up outside the dean's office which was buzzing with the fifth-year students, a few with bandages on their heads or their arms.
I wanted to see if I recognized anyone. Before I walked closer, someone grabbed my torso and pulled so hard that we both went tumbling back on the ground. I turned in fear and panic.
My breath of relief whooshed out on seeing a friendly face. "Ulrich!" I whisper-yelled.
"Are you trying to get caught, too?" He yelled at me, angrier.
I crawled back until I was hiding behind a wall. "I was trying to suss out if someone took our names."
"They won't take anyone's name. Jimin sir ensured of it." Ulrich chastised, gritting his teeth.
"How do you know?"
"When you were sleeping like a pig," he pointed his finger at me angrily. "Jimin sir swung by and told me to stay normal and go about my day. Taehyung sir and the seniors beat the ones involved in the fiasco yesterday while their fellow fifth-year students watched. They were afraid that if they supported them, the sixth-years would retaliate."
"Oh," I blinked, registering that when I was sleeping, they were fighting for us. Did Jimin also join them after leaving our dorm? My thoughts halted when Ulrich slapped me across my head. "OUCH!"
He pointed his finger at me again, his eyes widening and head tilting in warning. "No one will speak. Not unless you provoke them. Let's go now before I tell Jimin sir."
"Geez," I pouted and got up when he offered me a hand. "You are a mean friend, you know that?"
Ulrich scoffed, his hand gripping on the strands of his hair. I could sense he was afraid as he looked around to ensure no one was watching us as we made our way to the common ground.
I wanted to see Jimin or Taehyung Hyung. I wanted to ask him how he was doing. I parked that thought for later because I didn't want to get slapped by Ulrich again.
When we made it back, I closed the door and shook my head. It was funny that a thousand stories were unfolding at that moment inside the university, and no one knew about what exactly went down. For the first time, I felt privileged to be the one in the inner circle of the infamous seniors.
I also learned another lesson. Helping someone with something shady could grant you a favor in the future. It was a big yes. The way Jimin had maintained the relationship with his seniors, I was going to do that with mine, not only for obvious reasons, but it was good to have a shield of alliance who would stand up with me in thick and thin.
And then we went to the cafeteria for dinner. Something good came out of all that because without the extracurriculars taking our time, we were free to do what we wanted.
As Jimin instructed, I and Ulrich behaved normally, like nothing happened. When we finished eating and were on our way out, my eyes fell on the group of seniors and my heart skipped a beat when a specific someone from that group winked at me as they crossed us.
Flutter in my stomach, I smiled.
Jimin seemed to be walking fine, and I was pretty sure he had covered his bruise with makeup.
Feeling too much in love , I made my way back to the dorm while Ulrich stopped by the library to get the new books.
When the door was knocked, I thought Ulrich's hands must be occupied with the heavy weight of the books, so I rushed and opened it to find Rosenow standing outside.
"Can I come in?" She asked.
I nodded in my shock, not knowing why the hell was she there.
She stepped in and stood in the entryway, a few meters inside. "What is it?" I asked, my hand still on the doorknob.
"I am not going to beat around the bush, Jungkook. What were you doing in Jimin's room yesterday when I stopped by."
"Why?" I asked, my jealousy, anger, and defenses all coming up instantly.
She narrowed her eyes at me as though she knew everything that was happening inside my head. "Let me be very upfront... Jimin isn't interested in men. And if you think you could throw yourself at him like a person with no self-respect, that maybe he would at least experiment in his Uni life, and perhaps do something with you, I am sorry to have you know that you'll be disappointed."
"You are very insecure. It shows." I said in a deadpan, squaring my shoulders. I never felt more wrecked and triumphant at the same time.
"I have no reason to be insecure." She fired back.
"Then you have no reason to be reminding me of Jimin's sexuality instead of worrying about his well-being."
That ruffled her feathers. Her nostrils flared. "You don't have to tell me to worry about my boyfriend. I know how to take care of him."
"So you keep telling me," I said slowly. I didn't want to fight with her. If Jimin knew, he wouldn't approve of it. I didn't want to be the one to disappoint him again.
She would've said more, but Ulrich appeared holding the heap of books from his chest to his nose. He looked at Rose and then at me before walking inside.
With one last hateful glare, Rose left me alone to what I was sure a third-degree with my roommate.
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13 Nov, 2024
Chapter 36: The interview
Chapter Text
Honking caused Jungkook to frown as his car got stuck for the third time since morning. "How do you and Appa travel every day in such a rush?" He asked Minsoo, who was sitting beside him in the passenger seat.
"You'll get used to it, too, Jungkook. I know it's taking some time, but you'll hear from at least one place within this week." The young woman answered, sensing Jungkook's agitation which she assumed was not essentially because of traffic, but the fear of not hearing back from the employers again.
Jungkook's father advised him not to share too much about himself with the interviewers, but he thought it would be best to be transparent. He didn't want to hide his flaws firsthand. Honesty cost him when no one selected him for the job. From the start-up offices to restaurants, he went everywhere, but one look at his current condition and they all parted ways with 'I'll call you back with an update' which he never received.
Three weeks of hustle and he was close to the Silver Jubilee of interviews. "What did you say was the name of the owner again?" He asked Minsoo about the firm they were going to. It was an Art gallery.
"Jihyun," Minsoo answered.
Jungkook sighed, looking out the window again as silence fell between them and the car resumed the drive.
About twelve minutes later, the vehicle entered through the huge gates of a modern skyscraper of multiple corporations. Jungkook felt it was an odd setup for an art gallery, but he didn't question it. After losing six years of his life in the facility, he wasn't exactly up to speed on what was happening outside. Just the other day, he was shell-shocked on seeing the studio for social media influencers. The place provided studios to young influencers on hourly rent. He thought it was creative of the person to think of creating a common space for the people who didn't have enough resources to have their working area.
Minsoo walked step by step beside him, her heels clicking confidently against the floor as they reached the reception where the man behind the desk asked them to look in the camera. He took their details and handed them lanyards for access with the same picture they had taken moments ago. The two swiped the badges at the turnstile before they stepped into the huge elevator where soothing music was playing.
Jungkook was anything but relaxed. He let the big box take them to the thirty-second floor. His left hand shook and both palms turned clammy as he approached the big office. He gulped as Minsoo introduced them to the office receptionist and told her their purpose of visit. "Please put the lanyard around your neck," the young man handed another visitor badge to Jungkook. "Straight through the door and then take the last left."
Thanking the receptionist, Minsoo walked inside, and Jungkook followed. The noises that suddenly seemed to halt earlier resumed their way back to his ears. "Go through that door and someone will be with you," Minsoo gestured towards a heavy glass door.
Jungkook nodded, peeking inside to see a few men in suits and a few younger people in formal attires. This definitely didn't look like an art gallery. He wanted to question Minsoo, but before he could, a young male stuck his head out from inside the glass door and called for him.
"Yeah," Jungkook raised his hand. "It's me."
"Please come," the man opened the door wide.
Lowering his hand, Jungkook looked at Minsoo and she beamed, raising both her thumbs to encourage him. "All the best!" She whisper-yelled. "You are gonna get it!"
He didn't believe her words. His life had been a string of pain and failure. He didn't think cheering would turn around his luck, but he was thankful for her presence at any rate. He understood now why his family was fond of her. She was capable at her job with many connections in the art field.
Despite himself, as he followed the man inside, his mind was blank, forgetting everything he had prepared for the interview. "Please take a seat. Mr. Park will be with you shortly."
Jungkook's head short-circuited for a moment. He flinched. Hearing Jimin's surname wasn't uncommon. Many people shared the same surname, but that didn't change anything for Jungkook. He associated the word with the one and only. The man who was still safe in his memories, a beautiful, shattered dream.
When the man left him alone in the airy, big, cabin, he looked around at the sunlight filtering through the big pane. Inside the air was conditioned, yet Jungkook found himself sweating under his cream-yellow shirt's collar. He wore a cream-yellow suit sans tie. With his left hand shaking, he tapped his right foot against the rug anxiously.
"Mr. Jeon Jungkook," the voice from behind him caused him to urgently get up and turn around. "Please, be seated." Jungkook saw a tall man with a welcoming smile sauntering towards him. Forgoing any physical contact, he walked around the table and sat down on the chair.
Jungkook also lowered himself onto the soft, leather, rotating chair. His eyes went straight to the man's hands carrying a folder. "We've gone through your paintings and drawings and we are quite impressed."
"You are?" Jungkook asked timidly, suspiciously, his heart beating hard inside his chest.
"Oh yes. I am glad you could make it today. With the concert going around the block, it must have been difficult with the traffic."
Right. Concert. "It was no problem. Thank you for taking out time to meet me." Jungkook faked a polite smile, trying to recollect the man's name. Minsoo had given him a detailed memorandum to him on which the names of interviewers were written, but he hardly paid any attention to it.
"I am only disappointed we didn't meet you sooner," the man said while looking straight at Jungkook's nervous face.
"Who all are going to be part of this interview?" He asked. "I am sorry... I couldn't go through the details entirely."
"That's fine," the man leaned ahead on the table and put his phone there. "It's me... Hyun-sik. I am the manager of the gallery. You'll meet the boss for the next round of interviews if everything goes in your favor today."
"Oh... Where's the Gallery?" Jungkook took his chance to ask.
"It's a few kilometers from here. This is the corporate office and we do a lot of things here. We generally schedule the first rounds of interviews here."
"Makes sense," Jungkook nodded. Things didn't entirely change after all. He still had to clear this round to get the next one, and there was a good chance he would receive rejection.
"So... Tell me something about yourself that isn't on your resume, Jungkook-ssi."
Jungkook sighed, recollecting his father's words not to overshare anything and the numerous interviews where he did the opposite. "Where do I begin?" He chuckled lightly. "If I didn't meet with an accident, I would be a doctor today."
"I am so sorry," the man turned sympathetic in a moment. "I hope you are doing well now."
"Not really," Jungkook grabbed onto the fabric of his sleeve underneath where he had gotten the word 'hope' inked.
**
Jimin trodded down the stairs and marched towards the ICU in the hospital corridor. "He came with the pain yesterday," one of the nurses immediately began to brief him about a patient. He lurked ahead and picked up the monitoring chart to review the data while hearing his nurse talk to him.
"Angina," Jimin supplied, looking at the nurse for confirmation. She nodded. "When did you last give him the medicine?"
"Four hours ago," she answered.
"I am fearing it's not Angina anymore. Immediately prepare for the angiography and I want to talk to his family."
"Yes, doctor." The nurse took the notepad from Jimin's hand and motioned for a junior nurse to follow the man out.
The young boy dragged his legs behind Jimin as the doctor walked really fast. "His sister and father are in the waiting room, sir. I can take you there."
"No," Jimin turned and put an arm over the nurse's shoulder. "I'll find them. You go and get me the details of the patients in room number 19 and 21."
"Sure, doctor." The young boy bowed his head before swiftly turning back.
Jimin continued to walk until he was in the waiting room. He would've asked, but the patient's sister resembled her brother, so Jimin confidently edged towards them. "Are you Woo-Bin's sister?"
"Y-yes, doctor. Is he okay?" The girl stood up from the chair and an older male followed suit. "I am afraid the worst case scenario is that we need to prepare for angioplasty or an open heart surgery for Woo-Bin. We are going to get the tests done first. But with my experience, I am telling you this first hand so you can mentally prepare yourself. It's more severe than what we initially thought."
The girl broke into tears. "Doctor," she quivered. "Please save him, doctor."
"I will try my best," Jimin held her hand assuringly. "I only wanted to get the informed consent signed. We are taking him for the tests."
"Okay," she nodded quickly.
"Please follow me to my office," Jimin was almost jogging again with the two people hot in his heels when his phone rang.
He would've disconnected the call, but somehow he answered it. "Yes?"
"Okay... Send me the interview recordings and I'll get back to you at night."
**
Jungkook's father, Mr. Jeon entered the room and closed the door behind him. Juliane, his wife, was standing in front of her wardrobe organizer, zoned out completely. He stalked up to her and hugged her from behind.
"Honey!" she protested, but the man pressed a soft kiss to the crook of her neck. She moaned softly, almost in a whisper. "What are you doing?"
"Loving my wife," Mr. Jeon teased. "She looks like she can use some of my help and relax."
"Jungkook is at home," Mrs. Jeon tried to push him, but he held onto her, pressing another kiss on the opposite side of her neck.
The beautiful woman lost to temptation and turned to face her husband who was smiling. "You know how to convince me of anything. Don't you?"
"I try, madam." Mr. Jeon held her face and kissed her lips, slowly deepening it and tasting her. Every time he kissed her, he remembered their vows. She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever known. When she cried at the altar, he'd held her and whispered sweet nothings in her ear. He'd kissed her like he could do it for decades, and after twenty-five years of marriage, he still kissed her like he could do it for a thousand more years.
Picking her up, he paced towards the bed and gently lowered her. Juliane was lovesick. She raised her arms and the man took off his blazer before hovering above her and holding her.
He started kissing her again and they made gentle love.
Tired but satiated, Mr. Jeon brought his wife's fingers to his lips and kissed them. "Let me take you out on a dinner tonight, darling." He asked, slipping his hand under her head and pulling her close.
"Let's all go. Jungkookie-"
"Shh," Mr. Jeon pressed his index finger to her lips, cleared his throat, and turned silent for a beat. "I... I am sorry, darling."
"Why are you suddenly apologizing?" Mrs. Jeon took in the sudden shift in her husband's demeanor and her face fell when she saw his eyes were covered in sorrow.
"I know I was tough on him. But know that I don't want to see him in a situation where he is on his deathbed again. I'd be damned as a father if my son dies in my arms, darling. I wasn't only tough on him. I was tough on you, too. I am sorry. Forgive your husband, please."
Mrs. Jeon felt her throat constrict. It was true after all. The years that Jungkook was away from them also created distance between them. As her husband, he was always mellow and talked to her, but she couldn't overlook that he let Jungkook go. Sure, Jungkook decided to stay in that damned facility, but if his father fought for him harder or didn't give his permission, Jungkook wouldn't have been able to stay away for six years.
Nonetheless, all was good again, she thought. "All's forgiven, Honey." It was time she entirely let go of that resentment. Lifting over her elbow, she aimed for her husband's lips.
The man's hands went around her body to pull her on top. Their kiss turned passionate and before they could go about round two, their door was banged.
"Appa! Eomma! What are you doing in there?!"
"Fuck." Mr. Jeon cursed softly. "Give us a minute!"
"No! OPEN THE DOOR RIGHT NOW!"
"A minute, Jungkook!" Mr. Jeon cautioned, jumping down the bed to find his wife's dress.
"I GOT THE JOB!" Jungkook's voice rang in their ears and they looked at each other as they exchanged beaming smiles.
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19 Dec, 2024
Chapter 37: Take a hammer and bash my heart
Chapter Text
Jimin
After a week of investigation, they closed the complaint. Dean also knew what went on with the boys, but they had learned to stay oblivious to certain things, like girls in the boys' dormitories, or seniors driving out post-curfew hours.
When we were new, we were afraid, but as we climbed the ladder of grades, we got courageous and creative.
Sophomores' had always been the faculty's favorites because of how naive they were, but they always got corrupted by the time they passed their second year.
I was feeling much better. They have resumed all the activities, but one teacher was asked to be present in the auditorium, library, gym, swimming pool, or playgrounds at all times. I had asked my favorite professor to be there as we resumed the dance practice.
When I entered the auditorium, I saw Hoseok with the biggest smile. He hated to be involved in anything that wasn't related to study and dance, although he still helped us in last week's spectacle.
Then I found Jungkook with his GoPro. I couldn't help but laugh. Everyone hollered to sort of celebrate the gathering after a short gap.
"Hyung," Jungkook hopped his way to the front, examining me. "How are you doing now?"
"Shh," I raised my index finger to indicate to him that it wasn't the place to ask me that.
He understood and smiled.
Even though I saw him in passing, we have been texting about normal stuff like studies and holiday plans. Since we were connected to Uni wifi, we never talked about anything that could be traced back and put us in trouble.
"Guys!" I clapped my hand twice to invite everyone's attention. Most of the students in the group were from the third, fourth, and fifth years except for Jungkook. "We have props ready. So we will be using them today in practice."
They clapped to show their enthusiasm.
I opened the door and two students brought two rotating veneers we were supposed to step on during a specific part of the song. Before I could completely set it up, Jungkook jumped on top of it like a little child and giggled.
His laughter was so infectious that everyone else joined him.
I watched as the round, wooden chunk carrying at least six people , rotated slowly. Jungkook yanked his hand and pulled me in, making me squish between them and he put his camera on my face.
I laughed.
He moved the camera in front of himself and he made a funny expression, and then tossed it in front of my face telling me it was my turn.
I gave him a scared expression, then he mimicked it.
He passed it to me again. I made an awestruck face. We exchanged many looks, and by the end of it, we were laughing like careless children.
"Enough now," I shook my head, ending my peal of laughter. "Let's get to work."
All of us cleared the room and I played the music. Half of the people had forgotten chunks of choreography.
I observed that Jungkook was good at remembering it, but his challenges were different. He wasn't clean in transitioning and he also knew that.
I was giving everyone tips on improvements more than dancing myself. As the main dancer, I had to ensure that everyone must synchronize. I was working my way to the back, talking to everyone and telling them how to do better.
My professor was kind enough and he was helping me to rewind and play the music over and over.
I could see the exhaustion on people's faces. They were hoofing for an hour and a half. As I considered calling it off for the day, someone in the back fell hard with a loud thump.
The bang made everyone crane their neck and I ran to see that it was Jungkook.
"Jungkook," I crouched and patted his cheeks, but he mumbled something, heart beating through his chest. "JUNGKOOK!" I screame d . "CAN YOU HEAR ME?!"
He shook his head while still mumbling, his eyes closed. "Can someone get ice packs and fans?!" I hollered and Hoseok handed the objects to me within a few seconds.
I took off Jungkook's shoes and socks and asked a classmate to put the ice packs on his heels for quick succession while I unbuttoned his jeans for him to breathe better.
I didn't know when she came, but my eyes fell on Rose, who was standing close and watching us like the rest of the people. My professor was holding the fans in front of Jungkook's face.
A few minutes later, Taehyung came running inside. Someone must've alerted him. "How is he?" He snatched the ice packs from two boys and started putting them on Jungkook's feet himself.
"Unconscious," I answered.
"Let me take him back." Taehyung crawled towards me to see Jungkook's face.
"No," I gripped his hand before he could lift Jungkook. "I am not sure if he hurt his head on falling. He needs to stay down for a while."
I heard Taehyung curse softly. "Does he need an oxygen mask?" He asked, holding Jungkook's free hand to read his pulse like I was doing.
"He is stable."
Jungkook flinched when h is skin finally discerned icy coldness touching his feet and began to shoot upright when I put a hand on his clavicle to keep him down. "Easy there, Jungkook."
He gripped my sleeve and looked around, disoriented for a moment. Taehyung asked everyone else to back away and I let him be there until he gained semblance.
"Hyung." He said in a small voice and looked at me.
I breathed in relief.
Jungkook
I heard the beeping when a familiar car pulled over. It didn't take long for understanding to fall on me when Jimin showed up and brightened my night. I grinned. "What the hell are you doing here?" He asked me, looking horrified.
I shrugged, peering around the fuel station. "Making money."
"No, seriously!" He opened the car door and got out. "You passed out not a few hours ago, and when you said you were joining a part-time job again, I thought you'd go back to the shoe shop. Why here?"
"I am feeling fine now, Hyung."
He raised his brows in a warning.
"I joined here because I thought it would be good to learn German and interact with people."
"And working in a shoe shop wasn't it?" He asked.
"Although amusement is clear in your voice, I still feel flustered. Don't think that I didn't appreciate you getting me that job, but I quit before the holidays and when I returned, they were still closed for a summer break. I needed money, so I signed up for this. I am impatient." I half-lied. They were not closed, but I had to take a break because I was preparing for the dance auditions and I utilized my time reserved for my part-time job to practice, and when I went back to them later, they had already hired someone else.
I still needed to help Ulrich. It wasn't about helping as much as it was a challenge. I could always lie and give him money from my account. But how dare Ulrich think I could never do it.
His face overcame with understanding, but the remnants of his worry tugged at my heartstrings. "Although people are nice," he paused, considering his next words."Bad people are found everywhere, Jungkook. This spot is specifically under the hot radar."
"What kind of radar?" I asked, not more worried than a carefree dog chasing a bone. Who cared about bad locality? If he was there with me, any place turned into a morsel of paradise I savored.
"People do all kinds of drug deals here. Don't want you to get caught in the crossfire. And you won't find a German-speaking crowd aged forties and fifties at this time of the night. The younger generation is mostly international students or Expats. They will speak English. You won't get to brush up your language skills."
"Don't worry, Jimin Hyung," I was sure his speech was excessive and he only wanted to drive home a point. "It's only for a few days." And it was. Now that I had a more relaxed routine with Ridi, my choreographer, gone, I was planning to shift my dinner timing and get a job in a restaurant near the Uni as a waiter.
"I should hope so," Jimin looked rather wary as he recced the surroundings as if to ensure that no one would jump us in the darkness.
As if to prove his apprehension correct, a drunk man pulled up behind Jimin's car and honked, startling both of us.
Our heads turned.
With his finger, he gestured me towards him after rolling down his window.
I felt Jimin's palm sliding up my wrist as he grabbed onto me, his indication clear that I shouldn't move. I nodded at him that it was okay and to urge him to release me.
His stance changed as he let go of me and his body came alert when I walked over to the drunkard and gauged for the presence of anyone else inside his car. Thankfully, he was alone.
The seriousness of the situation dawned on me then. If Jimin wasn't standing a few feet away from me, I might have even been a bit scared. I decided on the spot that I was quitting tonight. This wasn't it. I had been coming here for a week without telling anyone, and Jimin was right. It wasn't safe.
"What is it?" I asked.
The drunk man took a moment. I could smell the acrid odor of alcohol coming from him. Our eyes connected for a daring moment before his lips stretched into a vile smile, flashing his yellowish-brown teeth, and he threw a few papers out on the ground, near my feet. "Clean that up, will you?"
My fingers closed in a tight fist at the same time as Jimin lurked towards me. "Just ignore it. When does your shift end? He asked me.
My glare at the bastard dematerialized and I spared a glance at my watch. "In fifteen minutes."
"Let's go, I'll give you a lift. We are not waiting for fifteen minutes."
My eyes averted back at the man in the car. If not for his nasty teeth, he looked rather young. Before Jimin could move me away — I was still watching him — he moved with agility and chucked an empty glass bottle at me.
It hit my brow before falling to the ground and splattering there. Pain shot through my temple to my skull.
Jimin's palms were on my cheeks and his breath was so pleasant after inhaling the pungent smell as he surveyed my face and that was when I noticed it. His ruthless fury again.
"There's no laceration," he mumbled and then turned around with a body-shuddering glare at the man. Before I realized it, he had dragged the piece of shit out of the car and had punched his face at least thrice.
My feet accelerated and I grabbed Jimin by his arm to pull him back. "Let's go, Hyung!" I yelled.
He stood up but didn't move.
"Please, Hyung!" I realized I was terrified because Jimin was there with me. If something was to happen, he would get caught in the flames I ignited. Again. I shouldn't have entertained the drunk fucker.
When we heard the brakes of two more cars pressing hard and at least four people getting out of them, we ran.
We got inside Jimin's blue car as quickly as we could and he turned the key. We picked speed almost immediately.
My heart was racing alongside the car. I wasn't sure about how Jimin was feeling, but then he did the unimaginable. He burst out cackling.
"Jesus!" I chuckled some air before I joined him.
Many moments passed. We maneuvered back to the uni road. "Don't tell Taehyung what happened." He told me.
"Why?" I asked like an idiot and then realized it.
"Just because." He hesitated, his eyes locking on me for a moment and telling me that he thought he'd made himself clear.
"No," I disregarded, wanting to see if he would tell me for sure. "I meant why should I worry about what he thinks and doesn't think?"
"Jungkook," he looked at me with a cautious look, his expression locked immediately, not giving away anything. "Will it help you if I articulate something obvious that we both know?"
"It would." I readied myself, biting my bottom lip and drawing my brows.
"He likes you, Jungkook. He is serious about you. It's not my place to say it, but I don't think he'd stop pursuing you."
Up until now, we were all traipsing around with our feelings , without talking about them, but now that Jimin had so mercilessly taken the cat out of the ba g, I couldn't pretend to be oblivious anymore. It became all too real.
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23 Dec, 2024
Chapter 38: Cruel dream or smack dab reality
Chapter Text
When Taehyung had gotten a call from a foreign number, he had picked it up in the middle of a meeting. Namjoon had informed him about the facility where he traced Jungkook's last presence a month ago.
Taehyung was on the next flight out to south of Polland.
He had been aware that he had packed in haste, but on landing there and after checking into a hotel — he wanted to change into something presentable — he'd learned early enough that he had only thrown a shirt, underwear, and two odd pairs of shoes in his suitcase.
He didn't care to search for any big brand and asked at the hotel reception about the nearest clothing stores. There was one not far from the hotel where the town car had driven him.
Luckily he had found multiple luxury brands from where he bought eight pairs of different outfits and paid for them before requesting the store manager to get the seven outfits delivered to the hotel later.
Picking a lightweight jacket, dark blue jeans, and a blue sweatshirt, he drove the rental car to the address he had acquired and was ready to finally see Jungkook. He looked at the big square multi-story building in front of him, his heart unbelievably fast and his thoughts all jumbled. "Hey," Namjoon's voice startled him, making his heart beat even faster.
Namjoon stepped closer to him and tipped his chin. "Got all the documents?"
"I have them," Taehyung didn't want to talk to anyone but Jungkook. Speaking felt like running fast on a steep rock. "But are you sure about this?" He cocked a brow, looking at the building.
"One month ago, yes. My source is foolproof. But I can't say if he's still there."
"One month is nothing in the grand scheme of years," Taehyung mumbled, rubbing his sweaty palms together. "I am going in."
Namjoon jumped up and sat on the bonnet of Taehyung's ride, indicating that he would wait outside.
Taehyung looked up at the sky. "Please let him be in there." Coveting a miracle, he prayed, knowing that Almighty hadn't been merciful to him more often than not.
On the reception, he found the most incorrigible set of rules to be followed, which included turning off his phone to showing his ID at least five times to different people.
When he managed to reach an inside office, a woman looked up at him from the other side of the room which was divided by a glass and metal channel in the middle, and jutted towards the chair.
"Good morning," Taehyung sat down, keeping his voice pleasant.
"Purpose of visit?" The old woman asked, typing on the computer.
"I am here to see a friend."
"Name?"
"Jeon Jungkook."
She typed in the system and then rolled her eyes. "Your name."
"Kim Taehyung." He spelled it out for her.
"I am sorry but you aren't the registered visitor," she leaned back on her chair. "If you need to see someone, you need to provide a letter of authorization from the existing registered visitor. I can't allow you to see anyone."
"Listen," Taehyung shifted in his chair, his fist tightening. "I know the rules, but I only need to talk for a moment. If you can't let me in, surely you can call him out. I'll say my goodbye soon."
"You can't meet Jeon Jungkook. That's the rule," the woman straightened her spine and put her thick glasses down, finality in her action.
"Please," Taehyung took another route to convince the old lady as desperation won over. Pride would take him nowhere. He regretted not thinking anything through before he decided to hop on that plane. He couldn't even blame himself. He waited for this moment for six years. "I found out that he's here after much difficulty and I have traveled across the continent just to talk to him once."
"I understand, sir," the woman's sound came out more pitiful than irritable. "But I am only an employee following the rules. Please understand that my hands are tied. You can't convince me otherwise."
"I'll do a favor to you in exchange. Anything you need." Taehyung offered hastily.
The woman sighed. "Jeon Jungkook isn't here anymore." She said after considering for a moment.
"What do you mean?"
"He was here, but he left a few weeks ago. I can't give you any more information than that, but I am sorry to say that your trip was in vain."
"Are you sure he left? I- I mean... Wow," Taehyung wiped his mouth with his fingers, the wires twirling inside his head to guess where the younger could've gone. "But he has been here for the last six years?"
"Sir, if you please excuse me, I have my tea break." She grabbed her glasses and put them on.
Taehyung watched as she got up slowly and scurried out the back door.
**
Foregoing the car from home, Jungkook called the cab to go to the final interview round discussion followed by a tour of the art gallery. It was only a formality at this point. In his first round, Hyun-Sik had told him that he was as good as hired.
When he broke the news that he'd gotten a job as an artist after that call from Hyun-Sik, his mother was happier than him, but the wave of worry plunged her soon enough after remembering that he would move out of their house once he had the job.
No one including himself expected that he'd be working within a month and a few days of being back home. But maybe the God was now with Jungkook.
In terms of health, he was feeling much better physically, but his mental state wasn't exactly far from the past. No matter how much he tried, he couldn't get rid of memories and voices that were as clear as the morning to him.
Every time he closed his eyes, he traveled back to a different memory of the man that brought a smile to his face until he realized his reality, which then was too late as he'd remember the obnoxious smell of the disinfectant from the vinyl hospital floor, the unending pain as the contents of his stomach were expelled out, the bitterness at the back of his air pipe, the faint beeps from the ICU, and face of his father covered in tears as he screamed at the hospital staff.
If reality was cruel, his dreams were even more villainous.
The memory of the university dance audition struck him last night, specifically how Jimin was judging people's dancing skills, how he almost caved from giving auditions, and how Jimin selected him and congratulated him afterward, even taking him to dinner. He could almost feel the same nervousness he felt standing in the queue outside the auditorium that day.
Thankfully enough his thoughts ceased when the cab pulled over in front of the familiar building. "How much do I pay you?" He asked, reaching for his wallet from his back pocket and thinking that he'd soon stop using his father's money.
Paying the cabbie, he lurked towards the escalator, finding the surroundings all too friendlier. On his way to the cabin, although he was afraid to jinx it, he called Minsoo to thank her for helping him out.
The same young man from two days ago greeted him. "Please wait for a few minutes. I'll be right back."
Jungkook nodded with a polite smile, his inked arm trembling in nervousness. As he waited inside the bright cabin different from the other day, he took in the details of the office. There were paintings all around, yet they didn't overcrowd the ambiance.
All of the paintings had similar aesthetics and techniques, so Jungkook assumed they were done by the same artist. Walking up to the wall after putting his portfolio bag on the table, he was admiring a painting closely when he heard a sound and his neck craned to peer back.
The office boy had entered with a tray in his hands carrying water bottles.
Jungkook returned to the middle of the room and picked up one bottle. "Thank you," he said, smiling at the boy who looked comfortable and confident with his work. Jungkook was so smitten by the young boy's stance that he missed the sound of the door as someone else entered.
"Good morning."
The voice alarmed Jungkook and the bottle dropped from his hand.
No.
It can't be.
He dipped toward the ground, face between his knees as he hid in the guise of picking up the bottle. He didn't want to lift his head because he recognized that voice.
It had changed slightly, getting more mature, but he couldn't mistake it. There was a recipe for disaster waiting to happen in a matter of nanoseconds.
His heart thudded in agony.
The footsteps sounded closer.
And closer.
And more.
And then Jimin dropped to his haunches in front of the man in a light grey suit to help him.
They grabbed the bottle at the same time and Jimin chuckled softly, his gaze trailing up to meet Jungkook's eyes at the same time.
Chills ran down Jimin's spine as their gazes locked after six years. Air sucked out of the room and the voices hung still.
It was a few Mississippis as they sat frozen before Jimin mumbled Jungkook's name mechanically, giving incentive to the younger to pull his hand back like he was burned.
Jungkook stood up, looking around frantically and catching sight of the office boy leaving the room.
In a blinding panic, his hand went for his bag, wanting to pull it towards him so he could turn around and run.
Jimin stayed stunned on the ground, just staring up at the beautiful man in front of him. Whenever he thought of Jungkook, in his imagination over the years, Jungkook was always the boy he had last seen in the university. Although he knew that he must've grown, he couldn't have fathomed what was standing in front of him. Tall, and muscular, which reminded Jimin of the six-foot-four man he'd met a few months ago.
Jungkook in his grey suit was instilling colors in his bleary eyes.
The portfolio was cluttered after falling on the table, preventing Jungkook from seeing straight. A zillion thoughts crossed his mind in a matter of moments as he wildly tried to stuff everything back inside his bag.
He wanted to jump on the man and never let go. He wanted to storm out at the same time and hide. He wanted to never get out of bed.
When he had always daydreamed in his mind on those sleepless nights to smile at Jimin and ask if he was happy if he ever was to meet him again, all he wanted then was to break down.
He was seeing Jimin in probably his natural hair color for the first time, and with god as his witness, his heart was resuscitating while dying at the same time. Jimin was a cool remedy for his chronic gushes and a burning eye sore, but never once in his daydreams did he consider he'd look at Jimin and feel like what he was feeling, which threw him off balance.
His chest was hot. His lungs were shrinking, his gaze was unfocused, and his eyes were burning. Reality was different from dreams, and Jungkook's feelings in both dimensions were not the same for the man. He was realizing that.
Jimin managed to stand up in shock, frozen.
When Jungkook contrived to put everything back in his bag, he chanced one more glance at the older male and noticed a sparkling wedding ring on his finger.
All the affection and dreams shattered once again as he was reminded of his past one more time so cruelly that he felt his choppy breath knock him off physically.
He could see a glimpse into his future. Yes. He wouldn't be able to live again.
He was hardly breathing as he was.
He wanted to die again.
He desperately needed to end himself.
The pain. It was too much. The wounds that never fully healed, cut open again.
The grim reality made him wonder if it was even slightly hard for Jimin all those years.
It was just a normal day in Jimin's life, dressing up, showing up to work, interviewing, and making decisions that changed people's lives all the while when people suffered because of him. He suffered because of him.
Jungkook never blamed Jimin once in six years and before, knowing that it was entirely his decision to end his own life, but right now, he couldn't help but wonder if Jimin had made love to his wife before coming to work this morning, whether he had any kid and if he played with them. He had made it so easy for Jimin by removing himself from his life. Jimin must've been happy transacting that opportunity, and Jungkook wanted to blame him for something, anything. It wasn't fair. No.
Fuck, it wasn't fair.
He didn't know from where the liquid fire was doused in his veins, but he wanted to punch Jimin until he bled. He wanted to grab his collar and drive his head through the wall.
And just like that, like last time, he didn't want to erase himself to give the same ease to this beautiful man standing before him. He wanted the man he loved with his entirety to suffer because of him, too.
If he couldn't get love out of Jimin for him, he wanted to dig the pain out of him, too. At least, Jimin would give him something that way.
And then Jungkook feigned tranquility. "Good morning," he took a silent deep breath and flashed a tentative smile while pocketing his right arm in trousers. He extended his shaky left hand towards Jimin. "I am Jeon Jungkook. Pleased to meet you."
≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾
25 Dec, 2024
Chapter 39: Beauty up close
Chapter Text
Taehyung
Of many things I expected to happen today, seeing Rose smiling at me outside my dorm wasn't even in my frenzied dream. "Hey," I said, perplexed for a moment.
"Hi," She grinned and spread her arms.
I furrowed my brows in faux suspicion. "You finally decided to break up with that idiot and come to his more handsome friend?"
She let out a loud laugh as I got out and locked the room behind me before hugging her. "I might have."
"Ah," I put my left hand on my chest and right around her shoulder. "In that case, let me buy you a Croissant from the Cafeteria. But it's not a date. I will wine and dine you later when I have evidence of your break up."
She laughed again, but her features remained tight. Something told me we didn't need Jimin for this conversation, so instead of going inside the room, I started to steer her toward the end of the corridor.
When we stepped outside, I breathed in deeply. It was sunny and windy and the cool air felt like freedom against my sleepy skin. "How are you doing, Taehyung?" She asked, somber now. The way she pronounced my name was cute. She couldn't say it fluently, but even when I gave her an easy way out by asking her to call me Tae, she insisted she was all up for difficulties.
"You know, not too bad. What about yourself?" I knew she was having problems with Jimin and I assumed she brought me to talk about that.
"I've been better," she didn't disguise her response as we continued to stroll towards the cafeteria. A few juniors greeted us on our way and I smiled and waved while she nodded at them as amicably as she could. "I am not sure if I am right to talk to you about this, but I have been feeling like if I didn't, I would be too much in with my head."
"Do you want to go out somewhere?" I asked, looking around the crowd. I wasn't sure where Jimin was. If I had to guess, he could have been behind us with Hoseok or already in the cafeteria. I had texted him five minutes ago that I was ready to leave.
"No," she looked around, more like scrutinizing her surroundings before her dark gray eyes set up on me. "I'll just be out with it."
I nodded, my face encouraging her even when my brows had twisted together in worry. My gut was telling me suddenly that I wasn't ready for this conversation.
She touched my arm as if to cushion the harsh blow. "I know you have a thing for Jungkook since the day you saw him. And I am happy for you that you are pursuing that. I just want to know if you've made any success there."
"What?" I scrunched up my face in confusion. Why was she asking me that?
"I am sorry. My intent is not to pry..." She fidgeted with her fingers. I'd never seen her so disjointed. She was always confident and spoke her mind.
"What's wrong, Rose?" My spine straightened.
She gulped a big inhale and then looked into my eyes. "I am a woman, and I can tell when someone else is flirting with my boyfriend. And I get that feeling from Jungkook. I feel that he is interested in Jimin."
Her words exploded bombs inside my chest. Albeit it wasn't anything new, I have suspected it, too, and I was vocal about it with Jimin. But hearing it from someone else brought me unwanted validation. If she felt it, too, it meant that I wasn't so crazy about considering the idea in the first place. As ridiculous as it sounded because I had known Jimin since we were kids, he had always been attracted to a certain type of woman, and Rose fell in that category.
I smiled despite myself. "I can't be so sure about it. What makes you say that? "
"Aside from my woman sense, the other day, I went to talk to Jungkook, and he didn't deny my allegations. Instead, he asked me why was I insecure if I was sure Jimin would never reciprocate his advances."
"Oh, Rose." I suddenly wanted to sit on the ground I was standing on, my heart in my throat, but I had to control it.
"I wanted to talk to you because... I am insecure."
That blew my eyes wide. I didn't know anything could make her insecure. She was a blonde princess, rich, smart, ambitious, and already on her way to achieving her dreams. People were intimidated by her or were jealous of her. For her to be accepting her vulnerability so openly sent me spiraling, especially because Jungkook was involved. I had to be careful what I said next. "Why do you feel that way, darling?"
"I know, Jimin. He has never been so...different around any other man."
"Different how?" Was it something only a woman could see? What was I missing?
"He grilled Jungkook about his language skills on their first interaction, which was completely whacky. It's not Jimin's nature to talk to strangers, and that too the one he was seeing for the first time. Do you remember?" I nodded in concentration and she continued. "Something happened on dinner in Fehrman Island. Jimin was out of it for a long time until we went to the bedroom. I felt it, but I couldn't say anything because I also wasn't receptive to the reason. Then a few days later at Stormy's party... Jungkook was in the bedroom with Jimin."
"He wasn't alone." I countered quickly, not to put her insecurity at ease, but rather to assure myself.
"Yeah," she conceded. "Anja was there, but it was the way Jungkook was looking at Jimin while lying on that bed. And Jimin's face was white as a ghost when I walked in."
I looked at her to understand her perspective, staring at her too long without blinking.
"I know you must be thinking I am crazy. It might be silly, Taehyung, but I have seen how Jungkook's face lights up whenever Jimin is around and he tries to always be in his orbit. He always sticks to Jimin, and I-"
"Did you at any moment feel that Jimin was behaving unusually with him?" I put my hands on her shoulders to stop her before she started hyperventilating.
"Not really-"
"Then you have nothing to worry or be insecure about," I told her. I could live with the knowledge of Jungkook's little one-sided crush.
"But he cares about Jungkook, Taehyung. I am just not sure if it's coming from the right place."
"Jimin cares about everyone. It's in his nature."
"But-" She struggled with words. "Gosh!" She smiled, her finger trying to wipe the tear before it could roll out of her eye. "Now I feel stupid and like a worst girlfriend. I am sure you think I don't trust Jimin."
"Did you talk to Jimin about this?" I asked.
She shook her head.
"Then my suggestion is that you shouldn't. Trust me, I know he is a nurturer. If he found out about your lack of trust, it would hurt him more than he would ever divulge." If I wanted, I could've advised her to do just the opposite to get my doubts cleared about Jimin's feelings, but I couldn't do that to my friend and his relationship. He needed my trust. I was sure he would also have my back if our roles were reversed.
But that was the thing about sanity, it was fastidious. The aftershocks of the blasts were whispering something else into my ears.
When the bell rang, Rose moved first. "So... Are you going to ask him out soon?"
It was a favor she was asking. She couldn't help it. Her intuition was making her paranoid, and I could understand that. "Yeah," I smiled one of my charming smiles to put her at ease, to hide that I was perturbed by her confession.
I took out my phone and texted Jungkook.
Hey... Kill my curiosity. When you told me on our last dinner together that you had something to tell me and you were waiting for the right time, did the time arrive yet?
Pocketing my phone, I went to my class, not hungry anymore.
Jungkook
I was watching Taehyung Hyung and the bitch talk from the first floor of the Uni, and my phone buzzed right after they went their separate way. "Jungkook!" Ulrich pulled on my sleeve. "Let's go down. The seniors must be on their way."
"Huh?" I turned to him, my hand going into my pocket to pull out my phone.
"Dude! The bell rang. Hurry."
I let my phone fall back into my pocket and rushed to the ground floor where we had our classes.
On our Uni social media Yammer, a senior posted that she had two tickets to go pick strawberries the next weekend, and because of personal reasons, she couldn't go. We had come to the first floor to buy tickets from her.
With them in my purse, I rushed down the moments seniors bombarded the hallways. The second years weren't as scary as the others, but I learned my lesson. I didn't want Jimin or Taehyung Hyung to fight my battles ever again.
An hour later when I finished biochemistry class, I took out my phone and my eyes widened to see Taehyung Hyung had texted me. I could tell it was right after he talked to Rose.
The words were blaring red light on my face. I felt dread when I was watching those two, and the text was confirmation enough. I was hoping to say and do things when I was comfortable, guess not. That bitch had to go and snatch that away from me.
My eyes blocked out everything else and focused on the text, my emphasis honing in on the words.
Want to come with me to pick strawberries on Sunday?
I shot the text and received a thumbs-up emoji from him almost immediately.
I made myself concentrate on anatomy and then pharmacology the whole day. Ulrich and I also took a lunch break, but it was mostly him talking and my mind not being present for the whole conversation.
How did it get so messy? I was an ordinary boy who fell in love with someone extraordinary. I already had a fiery path laid out in front of me. The least I needed was more complications on top of it.
I didn't even want to see Jimin today because my mind was humming with negative energy, but it was not possible. As the evening approached, I had to go to the practice.
Despite being in my head, my heart still fluttered at the first sight of him since yesterday.
He looked tired. All I wanted to do was take him out and have a relaxing dinner in a cafe, have some wine, and talk, but that was only possible in my dreams.
By then, we were well-versed with the choreography and he didn't have to dance with us. He only monitored us.
As always, he was working his way from the front to the back.
I knew he would come to me. It was funny that he didn't want to fraternize with Asian people more than he was already friends with. I could understand now why. But in the beginning, I thought of him as unreasonable and standoffish.
Now, he couldn't help but show his special treatment to Ulrich and me which he tried to avoid in the first place. With the same cheeky thought after the tough day, I intentionally made a mistake in the dance step to urge him closer faster.
He precisely narrowed his eyes on my footwork like he was an anti-virus scanner scanning the system for malware. I tried to stifle a smile. "What are you doing?" He reprimanded me, attaining momentum towards me.
In an attempt to hide my smiling face, I made an unnecessary turn without gaining traction at his speed.
We both went tumbling down on the ground with Jimin under me. He couldn't control his laughter, but I... I couldn't laugh. I got lost in his beauty. It had to be the first time I had seen his face up close. The way his lips stretched to show the slightly crooked tooth and his one cheek dimple caused my breath to get lodged in my lungs.
My hand moved on its own and my thumb slightly grazed his jaw. It was that moment when Jimin looked at me...really looked at me, and whatever he saw in my eyes wiped his smile. And when as if on cue his girlfriend walked in with her group of friends, he pushed me off.
For a second, he looked like an animal caught in the bright headlight of the car, unable to decide what to do.
I should have lowered my eyes or looked away, but I couldn't. Not when he was so beautiful that it hurt physically, or that might have been my aching tailbone after the fall, but I couldn't have told the difference between the two if there was a gun pointed at my head.
My trance broke when he disappeared behind Rose, who left the auditorium without saying anything.
≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾
3 Jan, 2025
Chapter 40: Relieved more than excited
Chapter Text
Jimin
"Rose!" I ran after her, wanting to talk. Out of all the things that were going wrong between us, I didn't want to add another reason to the list.
She didn't slow down so I sped up until I gripped her wrist. "Hey... Listen to me, Rose. You can't walk away like this."
"What is going on between you and him?!" She yanked her arm and looked at me with an accusatory gaze, and it must have been hurt in my eyes or something else that she flinched, almost as if she didn't intend to say those words.
"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.
"What do you think I mean, Jimin?" She asked sadly. "Why are you running like a crazy person behind me? You were trying to establish something right now. So, I'll ask again, what do you think I mean?"
Touche.
"Jungkook and I... It's nothing."
"So you do know what is my problem."
"Look... I wasn't sure, but I still wanted to clear the air. There is nothing between us."
"It didn't look like it's nothing," it was now she pointed back towards the auditorium and her nose scrunched as she sobbed. Fuck. I wanted to hug her, but I knew she wouldn't let me touch her. "You looked like...like you were guilty."
"Because I am," I looked down, unable to hide anymore. My answer cornered her into concentrating and she wiped her tears. "But it's not what you think." I had to talk to someone. Enough was enough.
"Tell me," she took one step closer.
"Jungkook finds me attractive," I looked into her eyes. "And he hasn't been shy in expressing it. But before you blame him. He didn't know better when he told me that. It was only our first day. And then I started avoiding him. Days later, he found me in the gym one time. He asked me why was I giving him special treatment by avoiding him if what he felt for me didn't matter to me. And honestly, Jungkook didn't say anything or do anything after that. We all knew about Taehyung's crush, so I was treading the matter sensitively. I didn't want to do anything that would have resulted against Tae. I never told Tae about Jungkook's fixation with me. That was what I felt guilty about. So I just knew that I had to push Jungkook towards Tae to make things right."
Rose blinked, understanding coming over her face. "Taehyung still doesn't know?"
"Not that I've told him. I wanted Jungkook to be the one to sort it out with Tae. And I even prompted Jungkook a few weeks ago to go out with Tae for dinner. I am yet to hear about it because neither Tae nor Jungkook told me anything about it."
"Oh," Rose looked remorseful, her face flushing with what I knew for sure was embarrassment.
"I only allowed Jungkook in our group because of Ulrich. You know that. And then Taehyung took a liking to him. In all this, Jungkook is just a kid. Even if he isn't the most mature, he is sharp and I am sure he would have understood by now that he is barking up a wrong tree."
"You are right," Rose shook her head, her palm covering her face to breathe in it. "I am sorry I even considered the idea. We have been drifting apart lately and I didn't know how to reach you. I don't like this habit of yours."
"Which habit?" I smiled now, knowing she was coming back to me. All I wanted was to whisk her away to my room and make love.
"You don't share your problems. You go on silent mode. No matter how long I have been with you, I find myself looking at you like an outsider. You have to let people in, Jimin. You worry about all of us a bunch. You gotta let us in, too."
She was right. Ever since my mother's accident, I have been lonely and I have dealt with my problems on my own. It didn't come naturally to me to speak up or seek help anymore. I had trained myself to solve anything on my own. I was close to Taehyung, but he also knew about my internal battles to a limit. "I'll try to change."
"Okay," she stepped closer to me before becoming conscious of her surroundings. "Do you want to come over tonight? I can ask the girls to go out for dinner."
"That would be preferred. My treat for them ladies."
**
I later went to her dorm after winding up the dance. We made love. I didn't think of anything but her while in the act, but after I came and as I was cleaning myself in the bathroom, Jungkook's thought came to my mind. The look in his eyes was haunting me. If he and Tae were a thing, why was he still looking at me like that? But were they a thing? Tae didn't tell me about it. If Jungkook had said yes to dating him, he wouldn't have been so elusive. He would've been celebrating to the moon and back.
I shook my head. No. I wasn't putting myself in Jungkook's universe again. I needed to take a break. "Hey, Rose!" I called from the bathroom.
"Yes," she walked in, completely naked, her bare breasts perfect in the reflection of the mirror.
"Do you want to go on a short trip?"
"When?"
"Now."
"What?" She laughed. "We still have classes tomorrow and Friday."
"Let's flunk. I am tired and I can use a break."
"What about your dance rehearsals?"
"They can practice without me once. I only have the rehearsals on Friday."
She put her arms around my neck and tip-toed to kiss my lips. I kissed her back, the sensation nice and warm. When she pulled back, there was a smile on her lips. She nodded.
"Okay," I smiled, relieved more than excited. "I'll meet you here in two hours. Pack up."
Jungkook
I lay awake in my bed. I got to know from Hoseok Hyung that Jimin was gone on a trip. I guessed that Rose was with him. But I couldn't ask Hyung directly.
I tossed and turned and the invisible noose around my neck tightened. Not seeing him for three days was absolute torture. There were countless nights like this when I couldn't stop thinking about what Jimin and Rose must be doing. I knew I was putting myself on the way to self-deterioration, but with God and the heavens as my witness, I couldn't stop it for the life of me.
When the chain reaction caused me so much pain that it became difficult to even breathe, I sometimes took an icy cold shower or opened a book to distract myself.
Ulrich was long asleep. He had told me after seeing Rose in our room the other day that something was going to happen. Something would change for good. He could feel it in his gut.
I was wondering now if that something would be my death.
The shower didn't help tonight, nor did the reading. I even masturbated in the bathroom, which was something I reserved for the nights like these, but still not a trace of sleep.
I unlocked my phone, wanting to talk to Eomma, but I knew it must be early morning back at home. I didn't want to wake her up and worry her. The moment I locked my phone it buzzed with a notification.
I quickly unlocked it to see Taehyung Hyung's message.
Not able to sleep?
No. You too?
Yeah. Thinking about what would I wear tomorrow for strawberry picking.
I smiled.
Nothing white if you don't want to splatter red on it.
He sent a laughing emoji and then another text rolled.
Why don't we both wear pink?
No.
But it would be funnn. Plus... pink is strawberries' kryptonite.
I'll think about it.
Can I ask you something?
Please.
Is it a date?
We should talk about logistics and technicalities tomorrow.
What are you doing?
Trying but failing to sleep.
I can help.
How?
I can come over and sing to you.
Hyung... Haha. That was a good one.
You think I am kidding?
You are not?
I am serious. Come over. I am all tucked in. I can leave my warm bed for you and sleep on the floor mattress.
Okay. I am coming.
Don't fuck with me, Jungkook.
I am serious.
I needed the distraction so badly that I didn't think. If I started second-guessing or looking too deeply into Taehyung Hyung's suggestion, I would stay back and then torture myself some more.
Grabbing my jacket, I got out of the room and locked it gingerly behind me. At that time of the night, no one was outside and most of the lights were off. I trodded across the field easily to find myself at the seniors' dormitory.
On my first knock, Hyung opened the door, his hair messy and his breath quick. "Hi," I said slowly. He smiled and opened the door wide open.
"Hyung," I said, looking at the bed. It looked slept in. "Please help me find sleep. I feel like I'll go crazy if I don't sleep tonight."
Taehyung Hyung came in front of me from behind and looked at me. I didn't want him to ask me anything, and he didn't.
He sat on the edge of the bed when I got under the warm covers that smelled like him, and I hugged myself as he patted my head a few times.
A few minutes later, I was deep under.
When I woke up, it was nine in the morning. "Rise and shine, Sunshine." Hyung sang in a ridiculous voice.
I sat up awkwardly, sure that my hair was sticking out in every direction. "I really slept here?" I asked, still groggy from how deep my sleep was.
"Mmhm," he sipped his coffee, leaning back on his chair, looking fresh in a pink polo shirt.
"I am sorry. I kicked you out of your bed."
"Don't worry about that. Now... Do you want me to ask Ulrich to bring your clothes here? We are getting late." He pointed at his wristwatch.
"I'll go," I dipped my foot down. "I'll be back in an hour, Hyung. Give me an hour."
I didn't wait for him to even escort me out or respond as I ran from his room.
**
"What the hell?" Ulrich held his chest. "You could've opened the door like a human."
I didn't say a word and rushed towards my wardrobe. Throwing out a bunch of t-shirts and shirts, I found my striped pink shirt. Should I wear this?
"What's going on?" Ulrich's voice came from behind me.
"I have to go strawberry picking," I answered, turning and putting the shirt in front of my upper body. "Does this look good?"
"It's nice."
"I forgot. Everything looks nice to you." I turned, trying to dig something else. "And why are there so many clothes?" I yelled in frustration.
Ulrich picked the pink shirt back. "Wear this. It will look good on you. It's totally a summer color."
"Taehyung Hyung is also wearing pink. Won't it be awkward?"
"What? You are bringing Taehyung sir?" Ulrich made a disgusted face. "I thought I was going with you as Jimin sir is out of the picture."
"It was supposed to be you," I told him while snatching the shirt and rushing towards the bathroom. "But I panicked and I asked Taehyung Hyung. I can't back out now. But I'll make it up to you."
"Fine," Ulrich sat back on his bed and I stopped to look at him. "Bring me apple pie and some good chocolates."
"You really didn't care about going, did you?"
"Naah," he smiled mischievously. "But you two should have fun."
I chucked my shirt on the bed. "I will."
After a quick shower of twenty minutes, I came out and saw Ulrich cleaning the room, including my side where I had clothes pouring down the wardrobe. "Thanks, Ulrich. I will clean next weekend. I promise." I told him while shrugging into the shirt.
"Don't worry," he didn't look back. "As long as you are sharing strawberries with me."
I was so fucking thankful for him.
I walked closer to the armoire to get my shorts. I wanted to look casual. Finding the knee-length loose pants with many pockets, I wore them.
"Can you take bottles to recycle?"
"What?" I asked. "We recycle bottles?"
"Yeah."
"Since when?"
"Since always," Ulrich picked a belt from the floor and looked up at me with narrowed eyes. "Don't tell me I have been the only one doing it and you were throwing them away for almost the whole year."
I smiled nervously, stepping away from him. "Don't be stupid. Of course, I know how recycling works. I'll take the bottles."
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4 Jan, 2025
Chapter 41: Love me even if it's a lie!
Chapter Text
Jungkook
The glass bottles made noise as I carried the bag out of the dorm. Taehyung Hyung texted me to meet him in the parking area. When I got there, I saw his outfit: a plain light pink polo shirt and loose beige trousers. "You look nice," I commented. "Although... You could have gone for more comfortable shoes than those black ones."
He smiled at me, his gaze lingering. "What is that?" He pointed towards the yellow bag.
"Recycling stuff," I stopped in before him, inhaling his pleasant perfume. "Why do people do this?"
"Recycling is super important here, Jungkook. It's eco-friendly. Plus, you get money out of it." He took the bag from me and opened the back door to put it on the seat.
"Why didn't you start with that?" I asked, grinning now, my breaths finally evening after rushing through the morning.
He looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing. "You look cute in pink, Jungkook. You should dress up like this often. I forget sometimes that you are only seventeen."
"I'll be eighteen at the end of this semester. And isn't the legal age of drinking sixteen here?" I laughed. "I still have one year above the borderline."
He opened the door for me, and I got in. When he got ready to drive, I said what came to mind: "Tell me more about bottle recycling."
He chuckled. "It is called the Pfand system. There are recyclers in the supermarkets. We can stop by now or on our way back."
"Let's stop by later then. Can I listen to music?" I asked, not wanting the silence to give him a chance to say anything I wasn't ready to hear.
"Sure. Anything you want."
I hit the stereo immediately and adjusted the volume to enjoy the music and have a casual conversation. "What do you feel like eating?" he asked.
I realized that I hadn't eaten anything. "Ah, anything."
"Okay," he stopped the car in front of the bakery parking and brought three bags full of muffins, belegte Brötchen, Croissants, and Leberkässemmel with two big glasses of pink smoothies.
I laughed looking at the amount of food. "You are staying true to the pink theme a little too hard."
"I have to. Jungkookie asked me to go with him. I am happy."
My smile fainted. I was giving him all the wrong ideas. But he didn't let me dwell on it. "Look here. This occasion ought to have a picture."
Putting his new golden phone up, he took a selfie. "Let me see," I gripped the phone. We were both smiling and looked happy, except that I wasn't.
When I held the phone to give it back, Taehyung Hyung didn't immediately take it. "What are you thinking?" I asked.
"Do you have a group chat with the guys?" He asked me.
"No," I shook my head. "My only friend is Ulrich. I chat one-on-one with him."
"Wolfgang was telling me about this new app. We can add contacts, make chat rooms, and video calls, and even share pictures and videos. If I create a group, would you want to be in it?" He asked.
If he was going to create a group, it meant that Rose would be part of it, too. "Only if it is a guy group. I am not really comfortable with girls." I told him and he laughed out loud in a knowing way. His gay radar boosting him.
"Good," he said. "Guy group it is!"
He typed something on his phone and then showed me. "Lachibolala?" I squinted. "What does that mean?"
"It means nothing. Jimin once said it and you had to be there to see how funny it was."
"I trust you," my heart smiled immediately at the mention of Jimin. "That's our group name then?"
"Yeah."
He created a group and added all the guys. Even a few I didn't know all that well. Then he went ahead and posted our selfie in that group before locking the device.
I panicked for a moment. I knew Jimin would see that, but then a switch flipped in my mind. So what? He was on a trip with his girlfriend. Let us see if my little 'date' would bother him.
**
We bought a few plastic baskets from outside the strawberry farm. There weren't many people, but the ones I saw were families with kids, a group of four young men, and a large group of young girls.
The representatives left all of us to the area where we could see fresh strawberries on plants all around us. We plucked them by our choice and put them in our baskets. "How much do you want?" Taehyung Hyung asked me.
"I am filling my basket," I replied, attacking a bunch of rather juicy ones. "I don't leave free stuff."
Taehyung Hyung's laugh rumbled around us. "You do realize that we will have to get it weighed and pay by the counter before taking them."
I put a hand on my hip, a theatrical gasp slipping my open mouth. "Nooooo."
"Yes," he laughed. "But don't worry. I'll pay for yours, too. Get as much as you want."
We continued to shuffle through the harvest. Outside the farm, I saw a few people sitting and enjoying a picnic.
Two hours later, we had at least five kilograms of strawberries. The day was young, and I was hungry, but not for strawberries. I wanted to eat something else and then have time to talk to him.
We stepped outside and while I was thinking about where could we go from there when Taehyung Hyung grabbed my palm, his fingers curling around it. I looked at him. "Let's go there and rest for some time." He pointed at the designated picnic area.
He had to have booked it in advance because all spots were taken except one. A colorful printed blanket was laid down in the garden under a tree. The sun was filtering through the thick leaves. A basket and a bottle of champagne were kept beside it. I smiled, my heart breaking at the thought that Jimin was making all these efforts for someone else.
"Thank you, Hyung." Grateful and mortified, I sat down on the blanket, playing with Spitzwegerich around me.
"You are welcome, sweetheart."
On hearing the epithet, my heart raced a bit. I couldn't exactly explain it, but it felt nice. Taehyung Hyung took out the most amazing-looking bread from the basket and salami. He made two open sandwiches with a lot of cut cucumbers from the box and cherry tomatoes. There were mini salt and pepper shakers. He offered me one and I twisted it to make mine saltier.
"Mmm," as I chewed on first bite, I was transported to heaven. I loved the food. No one did burgers and sandwiches like Germans, in my humble opinion. "It's delicious."
"Eat a lot, Jungkook." He looked at me with a fond smile.
I ate in silence and waited for him to finish.
"Drink?" He asked.
"You finish your sandwich first." I plucked the weed, looking around and loving the weather.
He was quick to finish the sandwich. We still had creamy potato salad, fruits, and desserts, but I didn't want to eat more, not yet. I accepted a glass that Hyung handed me and we clicked them together before taking a sip. "Hyung," I called him. "I have to tell you something."
Taehyung Hyung smiled again. His smiles were different today. "I thought you'd never speak."
I nervously smiled, wanting courage. I was going to break his heart. I knew he didn't tell me how he felt, but it didn't matter because I knew about it. "Do you have something to say to me before I start?" I asked, giving him a last window.
"Will it change your mind about what you are going to tell me if I do?" He asked.
"I'll still tell you what I was going to."
"Then you go ahead, first." He sipped his champagne, gulping and making a face.
"You know I am gay. Right?"
"From the moment I saw you." He answered in a beat.
"I am still inexperienced," I sighed. "I have never been in a relationship before, but I know what I want. I have always been clear about what I wanted, be it the choice of career, any object I desired, or my sexuality."
"I wouldn't have pegged you otherwise. You are self-aware. I like it. It's rare for young people to know what they want in life."
I looked at the shoes that we had taken off before stretching my neck a little. "From the moment I set my eyes on Jimin, I knew I was a goner."
Taehyung
It was easy to fool ourselves and live in delusion even when actuality was blaring with warning signs. I also made that mistake and up until a moment ago, I hoped that Jungkook would magically change his mind. I couldn't hope anymore, and fuck if it didn't hurt. I tried to steady my expression, not wanting to spook him in silence. He waited for me to say something. "And?" I took another sip and it tasted of nothing. The truth was far more bitter than the alcohol.
"And he is straight," Jungkook's shoulders slouched. "On top of it, he has a girlfriend who he is in love with. In the first semester, I was overconfident. I went after Jimin like a matador. I thought I would bulldoze myself into his life, I could change his mind and alter his chemistry. I was positive, but as time passed, my perseverance failed. He made it obvious that he doesn't feel what I feel for him."
"I am sorry, Jungkook." I knew I was because I was in the same spot.
He tried to keep his voice even, and I knew why he had broken down on that dinner, why he had cried like an inconsolable child. "Every day, I woke up with new determination, and every night, I went to sleep with the weight of failure and fear of tomorrow. I am still going through it."
The silence fell between us and we didn't speak for a long time.
I looked at him struggling with tears and offered him a tissue.
He not so discreetly wiped his eyes.
"Can I say what I had to say?" I asked quietly.
He nodded, looking down, bracing himself. It was evident that he already knew what I was going to say.
"Look at me," I told him. When he did, I slid a little closer to him, my face somber. I could feel my cheeks heat with emotions I was holding back. "I can't see inside you to examine the intensity of your feelings, but if they are anything like mine, then I know. What you feel for Jimin, I feel for you, Jungkook. I have never been in love in my life. Though, I am not inexperienced. I never felt like how I do with you. From the moment I saw you, I couldn't stop talking about you, wanting to see you every day, and do everything I could to make your life easy here at the University. I didn't do it for any other reason than wanting to give you respect, security, and attention. And they come from the same place."
Jungkook closed his eyes, his tears slowly rolling down his cheeks. His brows came together and he let out a sigh, his lips completely red, his nose bright pink, the tip of his ears turning the color of his shirt.
I wiped his tears with my thumbs, wanting to do more, but I knew I hadn't the right. "I can't force your feelings to shift from Jimin to me, but I can wait to see if that can become a possibility."
"Hyung," Jungkook choked, the word sticking to his neck. "I c-can't. Trust me... If I could, I'd be with you. I can't change my heart. Trust me I tried."
"I know," I tipped Jungkook's chin, looking at him sobbing in front of me, his tears like acid on my heart. "Use me, Jungkook. Date me. Fake it. Be with me. Let me hold you when you can't find sleep on nights. Let me be the shoulder you cry on. Let me walk you when you can't feel like getting up. Let me be there for you. If there is even a 0.1 % probability that your mind will change one day, I'd take that and let you go when you want rather than not trying and let you go. Love me even if it's a lie."
"I can't do that to you," he gently pushed away my hand. "I care for you, Hyung. How could you ask me to break your heart like that?"
"Because you'd do me a favor by breaking my heart. I'll still hope."
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5 Jan, 2025
Chapter 42: Hatred like no other
Chapter Text
Jimin wished he had looked at the name of the interview candidate when Mingyu sent him the resume. Or he had watched the recording that Hyun-Sik sent him. He wished he had read the e-mails and seen Jungkook's name in the conversation somewhere because then he would have prepared for this moment. He'd know what to say to the man who had left an impact on the past six years of his life so colossal that he died a little every day. But then again, nothing would've prepared him for this moment.
He was thankful for the majestic force that pulled him out of his stupor because he knew even if he tried to stay upright, he'd fall to the ground. His eyes brimmed to hilt, one blink and he was in danger of spilling tears. Throat constricting and voice melting inside, he cleared his throat with great effort. "Jungkook..." A deep and quivering inhale. "Oh, Jungkook."
He looked at the man standing before him with an overstretched arm.
Jungkook wanted to feign indifference, but he hated that he wasn't looking the part at all. His eyes were hazy and the redness on his nose was more prominent than in his ears. He could feel the heat on his face. He had read during his medical period that the heart rate could go up to 300 bpm, but he was experiencing it now.
He was thankful that Jimin wasn't accepting his hand because he wouldn't be able to hide the reverberations of his heartbeats throughout his shaky body. The Jimin he fell in love with was a heartbreaker, but the man in front of him was ten times more fatal.
"Boss," Mingyu emerged.
Jimin turned around quickly, hastily picking up the tissue papers from his desk, he wiped his face before slowly walking towards his chair across the table.
Jungkook straightened and cleared his throat, silently breathing and praying to God to help him get through this. "Are you okay?" Jungkook heard the hollow sound as the third person in the room lurked towards Jimin.
Yes, thought Jungkook. Are you okay? Why do I see tears in your eyes? Did you think about me once before today? A part of Jungkook wanted to drop everything and complain, another part of him wanted to beg Jimin again to love him, but there was an additional part that took birth a few moments ago. It was the most dangerous one. It made Jungkook want to hate Jimin with the burning intensity of a million enemies and he was still sitting in front of Jimin because of that.
Clearing his throat, gaze buried down, Jimin managed to nod at his colleague. "I am good."
"Perfect!" Mingyu chimed, clapping his hands once together, completely oblivious to the tornado he stepped into. "Should we start then?"
Jungkook smiled, nodding his head a bit and wishing that the man wouldn't read too much into their choking silence. Jimin was his to hate. He still didn't want anyone else to know about their truth so they hated Jimin, too.
Jimin's gaze held something that Jungkook couldn't pinpoint. Was it recollection? Was it regret? Was it anger? What did Jimin have to be angry about? Jungkook waited, not entirely focusing on the piercing gaze on him. Mingyu disrupted the quietness which was building again. "We are really glad to have you onboard, Jungkook. This meeting is more to discuss the administrative and financial part of things. But before that, do you have any questions you want to ask?"
"Yeah," Jungkook's voice came out a bit croaked and he subtly cleared his throat, shifting in his chair to loop his legs over another to fake confidence. "I was informed that the job would require me to work from anywhere. I wanted to confirm that."
"Yes," Jungkook's face shifted to Jimin's frame when he answered. "You may choose to work from your own studio. But we would require you to be in the gallery sometimes during the shows and exhibits. We can also have a dedicated working space entirely up to your convenience for the days when you will be required to come to the gallery or on-site for live paintings."
"I didn't know I'd participate in live events," Jungkook focused really hard to listen and ask the questions. "How frequent would they be?"
"Twice a year."
"That is doable," Jungkook looked at Mingyu and smiled coolly.
"I am sure you discussed your net salary?" Jimin wobbled in the conversation again.
"Yes," Jungkook tried to be amiable but failed as he answered scornfully, jaw tight as he breathed hard.
"Do you agree on the terms?" Jimin's brows raised. It wasn't much that they were paying. Being an artist was always underappreciative. Jimin knew for a fact that Jungkook belonged to an affluent family, so it mustn't matter to him how much money he made. He wasn't even sure why he was asking that question. But he needed to ask something, hear Jungkook speak some more so he could look at him and ensure that he was fine.
"Yes."
"You seem to have the means to have your own set-up. You don't need us. May I ask why you want to take this position, Jungkook?"
"Mr. Park," Jungkook turned to look at Jimin, craning his head away from Mingyu. "How do you know I have any means?"
"I am sorry if I offended you," Jimin said cautiously. At this point, he felt that Jungkook would deny even recognizing him. He wanted this god-forsaken interview to be over so he could talk to Jungkook about things that mattered. "I understand that you belong to the Jeon family which is a leader in hospitality."
"I do. I also understand your knowledge of who my father is to be accurate, but I have to take care of myself on my own entirely."
Jimin nodded. Surely, the one sitting in front of him wasn't the boy he remembered. "You may start from Monday."
"Thank you," Jungkook exhaled, his hands rubbing over his pants as he tried to control the shaking.
Mingyu's phone vibrated, and he walked out of the cabin, mouthing "welcome aboard" to Jungkook. "I'll get going now."
The moment Mingyu was gone, Jungkook stood up quickly.
"Jungkook," Jimin hastily stood after him.
The younger man looked back with a nonchalance on his face. "Yeah?"
"Can- Can we please talk? Outside?"
Jungkook's gaze dipped down at the floor to orchestrate his response as he navigated through his emotional trainwreck. "Actually," his face schooled into the best dummy expression. "I know you are officially my boss, but I want to set a few boundaries right now. I am not interested in talking if anything isn't work-related."
Jimin felt like someone pushed his chest, hard. His palms turned so clammy that he could feel his wedding ring slide against his skin. Words deserted him. "Kook-"
"Don't call me that." He had lost that privilege a long time ago.
"Listen, Jungkook," Jimin tried again. "I am sorry-"
"No. No, no." Jungkook shook his head vigorously. "You don't get to rid yourself of your guilt or whatever it is by giving me a trumped-up explanation six years too late."
Jimin's face paled, red creeping up his neck.
Jungkook hated how Jimin's eyes glazed with hurt, but he wasn't going to go there. He looked away quickly and brought his arm near his eyes to peer at his wristwatch. "Okay then."
Jimin watched as Jungkook rushed out of the cabin haughtily.
Was it the intervention from God? When he actively tried to look for Jungkook, he was nowhere to be found. And when Jimin thought he wouldn't survive, the Almighty dropped Jungkook on his doorstep. He discerned that even by doing so, God didn't exactly make it easy for him at all.
He slumped down on his chair, his palms on his face. The coffee he drank earlier swirled inside him, wanting to rush up and come out through his mouth. This couldn't be another panic attack, he thought. But it was.
Jimin's eyes turned wet. His face scrunched, lips wobbling as he sat on the ground. Curling into himself, he tried to keep his voice low, not wanting to be humiliated in his office. He wheezed and coughed all while shutting his mouth. He shook his head, waiting for the constriction in his chest to double up and cause him more pain.
Amidst his condition, he thought of Taehyung, and thinking about his friend and what would he do started calming him. Jimin continued to breathe, diverting himself from the momentarily shocked look in Jungkook's eyes, the redness decorating his face.
Five minutes later, he sat leaning against the table's foot, breathing heavily in sharp pants, his hand shivering above his bent knee, tie crooked, and black hair tousled over his forehead. Taehyung, he thought again. He had to tell him that he found Jungkook. Or rather, Jungkook appeared in front of him.
He grabbed his phone and was about to dial when he thought of Jungkook. Would Jungkook want him to tell Taehyung? Would Jungkook even want to meet Taehyung or talk to him at all?
Forty minutes down, Jimin didn't know how he made the decision but his hands were dialing Taehyung's number on their own. His heart pounded against his diaphragm. "Don't pick up," he mumbled, closing his eyes. "Please don't pick up."
Right before the ringing sound could end in Jimin's ears, it was replaced by a familiar, deep voice. "Jimin? Are you okay?"
"Yeah," the man wiped his mouth with his fingers, cleaning the sweat coating the lining of his upper lip. "I want to meet you right now."
"Wait," Taehyung uttered and Jimin heard shuffling before he heard honks and then silence again. "Yeah, Jimin... Where are you?!"
"Why are you yelling?" Jimin asked, stalling his words.
"I am outside! Are you okay?!"
"I am good. I am good," Jimin huffed quickly. "I want to talk to you right now. Meet me at my hospital."
"What's it about?" Taehyung asked.
Jimin lips parted, but saying Jungkook's name turned impossible.
"JIMIN!" Taehyung screamed, his voice a bit spooked. "Are you fucking alright? Do I need to send a doctor?"
"I said I am okay," Jimin replied in irritation.
"You don't sound so good!"
"Just come as soon as possible. I can't talk on the phone."
Disconnecting the call, Jimin ran out and towards the elevator.
**
He drove cautiously. Ever since he started having panic attacks, he felt like his health was deteriorating inwardly. Partly the reason why he asked Taehyung to be Iseul's godfather the last time they were together.
He was soon parking the car outside his hospital.
Taehyung was already waiting inside Jimin's small office when the latter reached there. The former looked at Jimin, ensuring for himself that he was fine and wasn't just lying on the phone. "Next time, give me a little hint. I thought you were dying."
Jimin blinked and looked away, hesitatingly taking steps towards his friend who retorted to joking after remaining outlandish with him for years. The more he thought he remained silent, the more difficult it would become to say it. "He's back."
"Who?"
"Jungkook. I saw him. He's back."
Taehyung was holding onto Jimin's palms the next moment. "What are you saying?" He asked, a little relief and some joy making its way to him, replacing anxiety. He forgot all reason and rationality, only focusing on one thing. "Where-" He gulped, his throat suddenly shrinking, disabling enough air to his lungs. "Where did you see him?"
Jimin let out an exhale and met his gaze with Taehyung's. "He came to my office."
Taehyung glared at nothing, focused and waiting for Jimin to speak more. Jimin understood his friend's condition, so he tried to explain as best as he could. "We were looking for an artist for the gallery and he applied for the position. He was considered for the position by my managers... But I was so busy with my hospital that I didn't know before today whom I was going to interview and then he was there... In my office."
Taehyung's lips quivered into a smile. "Did he- What did he look like? How is he doing?"
Jimin could tell Taehyung was overwhelmed, just like him. He made him sit on the chair and sat in front of him all the while Taehyung didn't leave his sleeves. "Are you okay?" Jimin stressed.
"I-" Taehyung chuckled. "I don't know... Thank- Thank you, Jimin. Thank you for not hiding from me."
Jimin let go of Taehyung's hand. Worry crossed his features, his brows pinched. He knew his friend shouldn't go unprepared. What he saw, he knew he had to tell Taehyung before he went looking for Jungkook himself. "He didn't want to talk to me... I don't think it will be a good idea for you to-."
"Oh, please!" Taehyung's demeanor immediately shifted, becoming the distant former friend in a jiffy. "You shouldn't advise me on the matters related to-"
"Look," Jimin's cautioned nervously. "All I am saying is that we don't know what must've happened to him. Why is he looking for a job in an art gallery?"
That shut Taehyung up for a moment.
"I tried to talk to him... I don't think he's ready to talk about anything yet. But if he's looking to work here, he is here for the long haul. I think you should give him time."
"Did he accept your job?" Taehyung asked, his tone accusatory as though Jimin betrayed him yet again by offering the job to Jungkook.
"Yes," Jimin answered, but then realization dawned on him, too. Why did Jungkook accept his job? No. He immediately raised his hands in surrender, wanting to clarify.
"He still wants you," Taehyung accused in a soft, barren, tone.
"No," Jimin shook his head furiously, eyes closing in hurt. "If you saw how hatefully he looked at me, you'd know, too. No, Tae... He doesn't want me. He hates me... He... He maybe blames me for something."
Taehyung lashes fluttered as he looked away.
≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾
6 Jan, 2025
Chapter 43: Differences between friends
Chapter Text
Jimin
When I returned to the university after my short trip, I heard a 'rumor' that Jungkook had slept with Taehyung, that he had spent the night together before they went to a picnic, whose pictures I saw when Taehyung shared in a new group chat.
I thought that everything would be okay for me then.
Taehyung was tight-lipped about Jungkook. I saw them together quite often, sometimes, they even went swimming together, which hadn't occurred before. There were moments when I couldn't stop fearing that their dating was all a ruse.
I was only with Jungkook without Taehyung during dance practice, and he also didn't talk to me about anything related to my friend. When Jungkook was still the same, my friend was changing, and seeing my friend getting away from me didn't feel fine.
He didn't make it obvious, but there were little signs that indicated that there was conflict. Every time he talked when we were in a group, he wouldn't make eye contact with me, and he wouldn't text me unless he needed something.
He wouldn't make plans to hang out anymore, or when he passed a snack to someone when we were together, he wouldn't ask me if I'd like to eat, too. Someone else wouldn't have noticed those little things, but I did. I have always been observant of how people behave around me. There were subtle changes, and I couldn't even talk about them. What would I even say? When it came to big things like standing with me when I fought with another group or giving me his notes if I missed some things, he was always there.
I couldn't say anything to Jungkook, either. He still looked at me with the same adoration, and if I intervened in his dating life by asking questions, he could read it differently, so I always made sure to never bring Taehyung's topic up with him.
On the flip side, Rose and I were doing better.
She mostly spent her nights with me, and after so long, we weren't fighting.
Weeks passed and our dance practice came to an end.
Year-end exams were approaching in a few weeks, and all extracurricular activities were stopped like every semester.
I was becoming more restless each day. There was this weight on my chest I didn't know how to release. We would soon leave for vacation after the exams, and I wanted to talk to Taehyung before that.
Hoseok stopped me in the corridor of our classrooms on my way to the lab. I looked at him expectantly so he spoke. "Are you going to the party?"
"What party?" I asked, my mind taking time to catch up to the new conversation.
"At Christoph's cantonment house. The usual." He huffed like he had been running.
"Why is he having a party?" I asked in confusion. It had become a ritual that we always had one bask at the beginning of the first semester of the year, but it was rather too early for that.
"Ask yourself," he pointed, holding out his hand to the other side.
"What's happening?" I laughed slightly at the sight of Christoph coming our way.
"I heard from my father that they are planning a vacation here and will be staying at the house around the time we usually have the party, and things have been too much lately," he made a face and shivered exaggeratedly. "Don't you think?"
"You just need an excuse to get stoned, Christoph." I rebuked, holding the bridge of my nose.
"Come on, man! I need my crowd pullers. I need you to spread the word. We can use one break amidst heavy study sessions." When our football team captain was the most muscular, Christoph was the tallest in our class, or he could be the tallest student at the Uni, but when he pouted to plead his case, I couldn't help a laugh that birthed inside me.
"Is Tae coming?" I asked.
"Well, you should know." Christoph didn't mean it sarcastically, but it still stung. Hoseok took notice of it.
"He is coming." My other friend added quickly.
"It's settled then. I am in." It was the best opportunity to talk to him.
Jungkook
I opened my room door with the hope that it was Jimin, but like every other time in the past month, I met with disappointment. "Hyung," I smiled at Taehyung Hyung. "Come in."
"Where's Ulrich?" He asked.
"Studying," I pointed my thumb back towards the inside.
"Get ready. We are going to a party."
"What party?" I asked.
"Christoph's. You both have ten minutes. Meet me in the parking."
My heart fluttered. Ever since our extracurriculars stopped, I didn't see him much except in the passing. I was much more careful of maintaining the decorum in front of everyone by not talking to them in front of other class students. If there was a party, it meant that only a select few from all senior years would be there, including Jimin. Taehyung Hyung must have seen the excitement on my face.
The light in my eyes dimmed. Sometimes I regretted confronting Taehyung Hyung about my feelings because I felt guilt settling heavy in my lower belly every time I saw him. He'd told me that day to love him even if it was a lie. Although I told him that I couldn't accept his offer unless I felt something for him, he remained cordial with me, and my heart went out to him."Okay, Hyung. We'll be there."
He nodded stiffly and walked away.
I closed the door and rushed to get Ulrich. "Get up! We are going to a party."
"I am not going!" He hollered when I rushed to get the change of clothes.
"Taehyung Hyung dropped by. He asked me to bring you." I heard Ulrich grumble and then the bathroom door got shut. He never disobeyed his seniors' words, no matter how much he disliked hanging out with the big groups.
He showered in five minutes and then I rushed in to wash up as well. As cold water fell on my skin, I gasped. Taehyung Hyung's face returned to my mind. I knew he would wait for me to open my heart to him as long as it would take, but there was no way around my feelings for Jimin, and as far as I could try, I didn't want to give up.
I wasn't going to change my mind about Jimin, and I also wasn't going to ruin my potential chances with him by fake-dating Taehyung Hyung. It wasn't like Jimin was a virgin exactly. He was in a sexual relationship, but I wanted to save all my firsts for him. First kiss, First blowjob, first sex. Fuck. I had to rush . I was getting a boner.
"I have no time for you." I griped at my dick and streamed more cold water over it.
Jimin
"Where are you?" I called Wolfgang and heard the loud music. Did he really leave me behind? "Don't tell me you fucking went without me."
"Okay, I won't tell you."
"For fuck's sake!" I chided in anger.
I was supposed to go with them. Taehyung had the car keys, and I didn't get a chance to talk to him. I didn't know if he had already left. I disconnected the call in between Wolfgang's response and dialed Taehyung's number. It went to voicemail.
While dialing again, I rushed out of the dormitory wing, trodding towards the parking area. When I saw the familiar blue car, I disconnected the call. With quick steps, I rushed towards it and realized that someone was in the driver's seat. I had to skirt and when I got in, Taehyung's eyes met mine. "Hey," I said.
"Hi," he answered, perplexed to see me.
"Everyone else left. Hoseok had some books to pick up near the place so we can pick him up later. He'll call me."
"Okay," he said thoughtfully and then looked back.
"Are we waiting for someone?"
He didn't have to answer when the burst of energy named Jungkook opened the door and got behind Taehyung while Ulrich sat behind me. "Hi Hyung," he said, looking at me.
"Hi, Jungkook," I answered and realized Taehyung hadn't said a word. Ulrich also sensed the tension between the four of us. I didn't say another word and Taehyung started the car. I regretted getting inside because taking the train would've been a much better option. I wanted to snap at Taehyung and ask him what was his problem.
I couldn't because of two juniors.
Within ten minutes, thanks to the speed of German cars, we arrived at the party house. Jungkook jumped out as soon as Taehyung pulled over, and I was a close second. Ulrich followed us, and Taehyung came last.
"How is your exam preparation?" Jungkook asked slowly so only I could hear when he was close to me.
"Going well. What about you?" I asked, genuinely interested to know. Not having talked to him lately, I didn't know what was going on in his life.
"Ulrich and I have a stringent schedule. We are studying fourteen hours a day. He was telling me he wanted to extend them, too."
"You need your sleep and workout too, Jungkook. Don't push your body too much. Eat well and take time to go to the gym."
"What time do you go?" He asked.
Before I could answer, Taehyung got in between us. He didn't look at me, and his frame turned to Jungkook. "Let's have a good time tonight, okay?"
"Yeah." Jungkook smiled but it faltered at the end.
I watched him put his arm behind Jungkook's back, and I caught when Jungkook subtly got out of his hold as we entered through the door. What the hell was happening between them? Whatever it was, I knew that Taehyung's behavior towards me was a result of it. "Tae!" I yelled his name over the loud music. He stopped while the juniors walked ahead, disappearing into the crowd. "Can we talk?"
"Sure," Taehyung nodded.
I pointed towards the bar and we approached it in sync. I ordered two scotches, one for each. I waited until we both had sips. We sat looking at the center floor of the living room. People were mingling, drinking, some even slow dancing in the corners. The only source of illumination was two big disco lights. "I've got this feeling that there's something wrong, Tae. Between us."
"What do you mean?" He didn't look into my eyes.
"You don't talk to me unless I do. You don't sit with me in class."
"That's because I come late these days."
"Why do I think that's on purpose?" I twirled on the rotating stool and my knees touched his thighs. "You aren't even looking at me. What is it?"
"It's not from my head, Jimin. If you think that I am doing things on purpose, then I am sorry. I'll take care of it from tomorrow."
"You really think you can convince me with that sorry excuse?" I stared at him, needing him to say whatever was troubling him. He didn't say anything, taking a small sip. "Is it something because of Jungkook?"
That snapped his concentration. He looked at me. "Don't bring him in this. He has nothing to do with it," then he sighed and shook his head. "I am sorry. I know what you are saying, and you will see me as a changed man from tomorrow."
When he finally smiled at me, I did too. "Why not from now?"
"Hell yeah." He tapped my back and I breathed in relief. Just like that, it felt like my friend was back, but it still bothered me he didn't tell me the reason of his distance lately. "Where is Rose?" He suddenly asked me.
"She's not coming. Something happened with Ulrich that she doesn't want to tell me, and she knew that her cousin would be here."
"Still going strong with her then?" He asked, a smile on his lips.
"Yeah," I said quickly. "We are in for a long haul, it seems. I love her, Tae. And she is a strong woman with so much to offer. I think things will get more serious."
"Congratulations, man!"
"Yeah, well... We aren't getting married yet. Save it for later." I sighed, feeling the weight of responsibilities more closely.
Taehyung smirked. "Only a matter of time."
When I joined the Uni, I was melancholic because of my mother's passing. Before long, I came to like the new life, away from the memories that stung me. I even started savoring the good things that thi s life had to offer, but I knew now that the time was near when I'd not only have to graduate and become a doctor but also stick to it while shouldering a marriage and possibly future kids.
I could've done anything I wanted. It was tragic that I had taken my first step in the direction my father wanted me to take and I lost the reason why I had to go through it. Maybe I should've backed off from the medical field when Eomma passed. Maybe it was a sign from her. She didn't want me to do something my heart wasn't into. But in truth, I didn't, and now it was too late. "So... What are the plans this time after the exam?"
"Let's see..." He considered for a moment. "You going home this time?"
"Yeah. You know I have to."
He nodded in understanding.
"We should book our vacations right away instead of waiting. Let's go to Mykonos."
The first year, we went to Austria.
The second year, we went to the Philippines.
In the third year, we went to the south of France.
In the fourth year, we stayed in Germany, Fehrman Island, to be exact.
The fifth year in Mykonos sounded perfect. I couldn't wait.
Even though Taehyung and I needed to talk more, I was momentarily relieved by what he offered. I could focus on my things again. And after the annual event and exams, we would have a chance to talk more in Mykonos.
≿━━━━ ༺❀༻ ~ End of the 'First' University Year ~ ༺❀༻━━━━≾
7 Jan, 2025
Chapter 44: Unpacking six years' worth silence
Chapter Text
Exiting the room made Jungkook experience the same adrenaline rush that a driver must feel after barely surviving a car crash. Walking felt strange like he had borrowed someone else's legs and they were not connecting with his brain. He somehow hailed a taxi.
"Where to?" The driver asked.
"Take me to the beach," Jungkook said, taking off his coat and folding his sleeves. The shaking in his left hand intensified as he stared at his tattoo. The word 'hope' started dimming and flashing in his vision, and he hated it. How could he ever think he could hope? It was such an idiotic notion.
He didn't know what to make of the past half hour. He was satisfied by his conduct in front of Jimin and also appalled. He wanted to delete the last few hours from his life, but he couldn't stop thinking of them repeatedly. How should he have unpacked six years of silence?
He wondered why Jimin didn't become a doctor. He knew that the senior hated being a medico, but what would have been the trigger to make him decide he wanted to pursue art? What made him decide he wanted to paint again? What a sick game the universe was playing.
He should have been happy to see the man Jimin had become, but all he felt was anger and prickling pain. He wanted to remain indifferent, but he gave in to anger and acted out. His dignity has suffered enough blows.
It was the first time he showed Jimin that he hurt him. How could he not? Jimin got married. He stood in the church in front of a woman and vowed to her to love her. Jimin did all that after rejecting his heart. How could he not show the hurt that resurfaced?
He couldn't believe he ever thought that meeting Jimin would be anything else than tearing the stitches of his old wound. All his progress seemed to dwindle and he desperately needed to talk. He was spiraling. He needed a friend to center him. There was only one person he could think of and he dialed the facility's number and requested to talk to Frans.
Why the fuck did Frans have to get caught and get his phone confiscated? They had tightened the scrutiny on the boy.
They informed Jungkook that the waiting time was an hour.
He couldn't wait to arrive at the beach, so after spotting a river a few meters ahead, he asked the driver to drop him off there.
There was a small bench and a park in front of the river where he sat and looked ahead, counting minutes with his phone in his hands. As he waited, he tried to focus on his breaths. He wished the phones that people used in the facility in secret allowed calls to be made to them so he wouldn't have to wait.
It was his decision not to stay in touch with anyone. It was his way to ensure that he would never face his past again, but now what? The way he lost cool, mortification ate at him.
He remembered with blinding clarity the last time Jimin and he was in front of each other, they danced in the rain. He chased the memory away.
He was surprised by the stark difference in his feelings and his dreamy expectations. He was in love before, but now he hated Jimin with all his being. His thoughts were all over the place.
When an hour was up, he dialed the facility back. Before leaving the place, he had enrolled himself as a permitted guest to contact Frans. He was thankful that the teenager knew about his life story as much as he knew about his.
Jin and Frans were the only ones to whom he told everything that happened from the day he entered the university until the day he almost died.
"Heyyyy!" The excited voice jolted Jungkook and he almost smiled. "How are you, Jungkook? I got chocolates and photos you sent me."
"Did you enjoy them?" Jungkook asked in a hoarse voice.
"Yeah... Are- Are you okay? You sound a little- um..."
"I met Jimin."
There was silence from both sides before Frans's voice came back, wiped off of all the zeal. "Are you okay?" He asked somberly.
"His gaze was warm. He was looking at me like he cared. Like he loves me back, but I know that's not the truth. He still had a ring on his finger." Jungkook wiped his tears.
"How did you meet?" Frans asked in a cautious tone.
"I applied for a job in a gallery and he turned out to be the boss. It wasn't a good sight. I completely lost it. I wanted to bail, but I couldn't leave and ended up taking the job."
"Well," Frans paused for four seconds. "What did he say?"
"I didn't allow him to talk, but he managed to say he was sorry."
"Why didn't you let him speak?"
"For what?" Jungkook didn't hide anymore that he was crying. His voice broke and he shuddered. "He crushed my heart and happily took vows the day I was on my deathbed. I didn't mean anything to him. Is he sorry because I tried to kill myself? I don't need his pity, Frans. I don't need his guilt. I thought I was still in love with him like the pathetic human I am, but no. I found out, much to my dismay, that I now hate him." Jungkook gritted his teeth hard to stop his jaw from trembling.
He could hear that Frans was crying with him. For six years, Jin was his confidante and when Frans came along years later, they shared their pain and relied on each other's shoulders for support, sharing similar stories. He didn't feel great to have put Frans in that mood, but he couldn't help it. "You are angry, Jungkook."
"You bet I am."
"And you are afraid that if you let him apologize or hear him out once, you will not be angry anymore. You need that anger. You are hiding behind it."
"I-" Jungkook thought for a moment. Maybe Frans was right. If he let go of anger, he would be left with nothing, just like six years ago. "I hate you right now, too."
Frans chuckled. "If you let go of your anger, you will love him again."
"Then I want to stay angry forever. I don't want to see his face ever again."
"How are you going to do that if you have taken the job? You'll have to see him eventually."
"I can't bear to see him, Frans. All he does is deceive me"
"Deceive you?"
"By showing me that he cares, but I know he doesn't."
"It seems to me that he does."
"But he doesn't love me. Look at me," Jungkook scoffed. "All I ever needed from that man was a little love like a hungry fucking dog. And he denied me again and again and a hundred times over again. He never loved me."
"I wish I could give you a hug right now," Frans said sadly.
"Me too," Jungkook closed his eyes. He wasn't sure how long his adrenaline would let him sit there before he crashed and burned.
Long after they ended the call, Jungkook remained there staring at the river. A few hours in, his phone started buzzing with calls and messages from his parents and his grandmother.
Ignoring calls until all that remained in the sky were smears of orange and yellow being engulfed by grey, he sat there like a stone idol.
He couldn't face human interaction, especially the ones he loved and they loved him in return.
**
After coming home, Jimin felt utterly spent. He needed to lie down. There was no couch in his home office, so he used the floor.
Hiding from his wife, Jimin remained there, wondering whether he should tell Rose about him. But she always had a distaste for Jungkook. He didn't want to put any wrong ideas in her head. She was the mother of his son. He wanted her to stay away from all this.
He questioned if he did the right thing by telling Taehyung about Jungkook. It wasn't his fault that Jungkook fell in love with him years ago, but Jungkook's closeness with him and whatever happened when the junior disappeared drove Taehyung away from him. He had missed having his best friend in life, so he didn't want to hide anything this time. He valued his friendship with Taehyung more than he imagined.
But as he lay on the cold floor, he was also sure that Taehyung hadn't exactly left happily from his hospital. He blamed him again for any of Jungkook's remaining feelings, for which he was doubtful. Jungkook might have had feelings for him before, but was he still really in love with him?
No. It didn't seem like it with what he saw in the junior's eyes. He always feared that Jungkook would be angry for obvious reasons, but seeing him direct that venomous anger at him was a kick to his gut.
And if Jimin was to admit inside his head, he was relieved that Jungkook wasn't in love with him anymore, because he wouldn't know what to do. It was like he would return six years in the past.
Rosenow's words were falling deaf in his ears. When the woman walked close to him and bent down to touch him, he looked up at her quizzically. "What?"
"I was calling you for dinner."
Jimin sat up, but he was completely out of it. He walked ahead of Rose and she watched him with pity and anger.
She wasn't able to take it anymore. How was she supposed to help him if he didn't let her? Was she supposed to fight him despite his condition? She couldn't deal with whatever was going on with Jimin, so ignoring the reason that was troubling her husband, she followed him into the bedroom.
"I am not hungry." Jimin climbed into the bed without changing the clothes or washing up.
Rose stared at him as he turned off the lights and pulled the comforter over his head.
She walked out of the bedroom and sat down on the sofa, hungry. Closing her eyes, she kept thinking.
Was there another woman?
Did Jimin accidentally do something bad and was now stuck?
Did he lose money?
Did he get involved in something illegal?
What was so bad that was making his health deteriorate? The panic attacks that started lately were the result of intense stress. She was also a doctor and she understood that much. But why was he stressed?
Was it their marriage?
Did he not love her anymore?
She knew that the last few years weren't exactly ideal. They had a lot of different thoughts about many things. Were the things before pregnancy still eating him alive?
She needed to get Jimin help, but she was tired of him taking her assistance for granted by either laughing his problems off or denying that he needed help in the first place.
She laid down on the couch and for what seemed like hours to her, pretended to sleep. Jimin walked out of their bedroom like he didn't even notice her missing in there. She watched as he walked into the library and closed the door behind him, disappearing for the night.
Taehyung
I felt like I had lost a long-running battle when I returned to Korea from Poland. I was so close, and Jungkook slipped from my hand again. But when Jimin told me he saw Jungkook, I felt relieved above all.
I drove to Jimin like a maniac and when he told me that Jungkook had taken the job in his gallery, the reality stood face to face again. Of course, after a few weeks in Korea, Jungkook has already managed to find Jimin. He was doing it all over again.
Did he forget that nothing has changed?
Did he even know Jimin had a son?
I stared at the moon. Everyone else was asleep except the patrolling guards outside the house. What was Jungkook doing right now? What was he feeling? What was his plan? I lost him once, and I'd be damned if I saw him on his deathbed again.
I couldn't do that.
I had to protect him even if he didn't need protection.
My friends have called me obsessed. They told me I was doing wrong and more harm to myself than Jungkook by being so hell-bent.
I ignored them all. Deep down, I knew I would find Jungkook one day. And I finally did.
≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾
8 Jan, 2025
Chapter 45: SECOND YEAR╰┈➤ Start with a bang
Chapter Text
Jungkook
My innocent mind and young soul couldn't have fathomed the rollercoaster ride that awaited me when I left home a year ago to come here, but as I walked in through the iron-clad and familiar gates of Uni a year later, I was smarter and stronger.
It was winter again, but unlike my first day at Uni when we had sun, today was rather dreary. The flock of students was dragging their luggage. Whenever a naive sophomore crossed my path and referred to me as 'sir,' my head boggled.
Yes. I passed sophomore year with flying colors. Yes, I was now a second-year student. And, yes, I also became the youngest person on the dancing committee.
There wasn't a day when I didn't text Jimin and Taehyung Hyung during our holidays. They were in Korea for the entirety of the time. I traveled with family to Dubai, Australia, and even Paris. Not that I wanted to, but my Appa had business needs, and he thought to make a nice and long family holiday out of it.
I had too much time to sit back, energize, rethink, and restrategize about my situation. My strategy this year was simple. I needed Jimin to realize that he wasn't bound to his sexuality like a rule. When it rains, look for rainbows, and when it's dark, look for stars kind of a thing.
The entire world looked at him and glimpsed him as he wanted us, but I didn't know what I saw in him that had me convinced that I in his life was a possibility. Call me delusional or intuitive. They were things one felt, not saw.
If anyone asked me what made me so convinced, I wouldn't be able to explain those things. I saw a streak in Jimin that made me believe that I could succeed. I wasn't completely delusional, so I was giving my assumption a probability of being way out of the park, but I was going to see through the end.
Although I had a new motivation this year, I wouldn't say that the last year was in vain either. Jimin let me into his circle of trust when he was always selective, and earning something so real from him when I knew he didn't offer it easily was also a big win.
But where was the man of the hour?
I glided my gaze through the foggy atmosphere. Most of the students were inside because of the cold, so maybe he was too.
I went to the reception to pick up the room key card before dragging my bags to my new dorm for the second-year students.
Just as I entered through the door, I looked around the new space. It was definitely more spacious, not as big as Jimin's dorm, but better than my last room.
Before leaving for the holidays after exams, Ulrich and I cleared out our old room. Ulrich was the one to arrive early the last time, so this time, I had the chance to pick the side I wanted.
Not unpacking yet, I rushed out and headed to the common storage room where people stored the things they needed for the next year and couldn't take them back home. It was situated on the ground floor, so on my way over, my legs took me to my old dorm.
I wanted to see the space one more time for some reason. Knowing that the dorm would be locked, I still couldn't resist walking up to my old room's door and twisting the knob.
It clicked open.
The happiness I felt was beyond reason.
I stepped inside the empty room with which my memories were associated. No one could guess that I fell in love right there, lying on the small bed and dreaming about the most beautiful man I'd ever seen. Ulrich and I became such good friends in this very room. When I thought about all the nights we waited for each other to have dinner together, or study, or even when I dragged that goof to sneak into senior's dorm and parties, a big smile crossed my face.
Ulrich was my first and only friend that I made on my own. Not that I would ever tell him, but I loved him so much.
Not wanting to run into the juniors, I closed the door and redirected towards the storage room to grab the bean bag we bought last year and rushed back to my new dormitory wing again.
When I strolled in, I saw Ulrich sprawled like a starfish on the bed I had chosen. "That one is mine," I flung the bean bag to the side and jumped on the bed, springing Ulrich slightly.
"I'll let you have it if you answer five biology questions." He teased.
Instead of arguing, I lunged at him and picked him up bridal style. He barked out a burst of laughter, unable to control himself as I threw him unceremoniously on his bed. "Don't think of invading my space again. Next time, I will dunk you into the pool."
He was still laughing while holding his ribs. I shook my head and made a beeline to the door.
"Where are you going?!" His voice chased me.
"To see Jimin Hyung's new hair color, of course!"
And then I was out, wondering if he had already checked in, second-guessing if I should simply text him.
I didn't have to suffer for long when Jimin got out of the car that had stopped in front of the Uni gate. Even from a distance, I could see him quickly catching up on the temperature outside as he blew his vapory breath. Even though the summers weren't exactly, not cold, European winters were something to behold.
Blue.
He had blue fucking hair. Like the brightest ocean in the night, so blue they were almost black.
A slow smile built on my lips and I turned around to walk away. I had things to do, important things.
Jimin
I settled into the new dormitory like every year.
Ideally, we never unpacked on the first day because we planned trips for the first two weeks. We had planned to go to Mykonos before exams, but two weeks ago, Taehyung said that we had to stay for a day or two at the University.
He and I had come to the Uni together from home and this time, we took adjacent rooms. The rift between us shredded over the period of Holidays. We went to Jeju together with Hoseok for a week and they came over to stay at my house for two days.
I was happy that things were back in place. On a very positive note, I knew this year would be the best year ever. Most students moved out of the hostels in the last year because of the mandatory internships, and although, I have also been thinking of moving out for quite some time now because I didn't like Rose coming over and other people seeing her, I decided to stay for another year and have the best time of my life before my Uni life was over. These days were not going to come back again. We would move out next year either way, which would also be our last year.
I considered fetching Taehyung and asking him about his plan when a loud sound reverberated. It seemed to have come from behind the cafeteria.
I rushed out into the corridor to see the explosion of colors in the air outside. There was pink, yellow, blue, and green mixing into the foggy atmosphere.
It had to be a student's gimmick. I simpered, guessing they had to be my classmates or fourth years.
All of a sudden, my phone chimed along with a few other students who were scarcely scattered across the span of corridors.
My hand went into my coat pocket and I stared at the notification from the Uni Yammer page. A lavender animation with the timer was going off. It said six hours to go for the huge bash , and the thing that I couldn't have missed was the venue. It was Christoph's house.
What the fuck?
If Christoph had planned a party, we should have known about it. I was always the first person to know.
I was still in my thoughts when Taehyung ran into me. "Did I miss it?" He asked, seeing the mix of colors almost settling down to the ground. He grinned when he found the traces.
"Will you explain what is going on?" I asked, pointing my phone's screen at his face.
He looked at me happily. "You'll know. Now, let's get something to eat. I need to arrange booze for the party, so I'll be gone soon. Let me know if you need anything."
"Are we preponing the party this year?" I asked. We had one gathering each year, but since Christoph's parents were coming to town, we already had that bash at the end of last semester.
He let a secretive smile overpower his features. "You'll see. I am not supposed to tell anyone."
Ugh.
When he left after eating, I texted every single person who managed the parties, but everyone said only Taehyung was the one who knew about it.
I waited a whole two weeks for him to tell me why we were postponing our mandatory trip, but he didn't tell me. I guessed I could wait a few more hours and find out. I had nothing to do, so I slept.
I only woke up by Tae's call. "Hi," I said, quickly looking at the time.
"Can you pick some things from the Edeka on your way?" He asked.
"Sure. Tell me what you want."
**
Holding the three big cartons of baked snacks, I entered the cantonment house. It looked nothing like how it did in our parties. We usually turned off all the lights and allowed heterochromatic disco lights to illuminate the hall.
But in front of my eyes were bright lamps illuminating the entire space, especially the main area of the hall where a small stage was created with an arch of golden and black balloons. When I walked closer, I didn't miss the decoration hanging between the ends of two arches; 'Happy Birthday Jungkook' spelled out in glitter.
"Fuck," I cursed softly.
For the second time, I felt that gut-wrenching punch again. I first felt it when Jungkook and Taehyung started dating, or I thought they did — I still didn't know what was going on between them at that time — and they didn't tell me about it when I was the one who had nudged them in that direction in the first place, at least Jungkook.
Knowing that Jungkook chose not to tell me about his party put my psychology into a challenging situation. I shouldn't have been thinking about him. I shouldn't have been feeling like I was left behind, but I did.
Somebody called my name and I turned to smile at them, even though all I wanted was to turn around and leave. Some people rushed towards me and took the boxes from my hand. I also saw a glimpse of Rose standing with Andre and Anja.
A hoot from somewhere pulled my gaze and it fell on Jungkook who was dancing and drinking. Some of it was spilling down his chin, but he was uncaring. Everyone inside was wearing full clothes except him. That was the second thing I noticed about him.
The first thing was his hair and his face. He had lost some of the baby fat from his cheeks, his hair was longer, cut in a wavy mullet and he sported bangs. I had never seen any man look attractive in bangs before. Correction. I had never noticed a man's hairstyle. His haircut suited him, prominently highlighting the color of his eyes and bringing attention to his soft features and the mole under his bottom lip.
At least five inches of his bare torso was visible and his abs were peeking from underneath his black, body-hugging top thing. It was a curse ever since I saw him in a towel, I started noticing things like those about him. I couldn't help but admire how elegantly the black pants were hugging his curves. He had curves. Like on a woman.
There was a sleek chiffon, black scarf that was thin enough to look like a tie around his neck offering him a deathly medley of pheromones and feminity.
For some reason, I waited for his eyes to meet mine while my heart raced like I was doing something wrong, something like stealing from a friend.
When his gaze stopped on me, his lips stretched lazily and my heart raced even harder like I had been caught robbing the said bank, horns blaring and everything.
Just as easily as he had looked at me, his gaze glided away. A group of his classmates lifted him and he laughed down at them.
Taehyung put a hand on my shoulder from behind and I turned to see him. "It's Jungkook's birthday today?"
"No, his birthday was on September 1. He wanted to celebrate with Uni friends and when he told me, I took the responsibility to arrange a few things."
"It's a great party, Tae." I tried to keep my lips stretched, but it was rather becoming hard.
He was whisked away by a group of girls and I found myself in a corner, alone.
I waltzed to the bar looking for a strong drink, hoping Rose would find me. I poured myself a glass and sat on the low couch, invisible to the hub of party cheerers.
I finished two drinks and whatever I was feeling started to build something strong inside me, something I couldn't pinpoint. How did I go from wanting to have the best year of my life to feeling like this on my first day?
"Jimin Hyung!"
My body came alive at his voice, as though I was starving for his attention. I turned to him, unsure what expression I was wearing on my face for him to see. "You are not going to wish me happy birthday?"
"Sure," I smiled, looking at that one bang that was disordered by the sweat and was sticking to his skin. I almost reached out to unstick it. "Happy birthday, Kook."
He grinned boyishly. From this close, I could focus on his flush red lips. "Thank you," he said quickly and then pouted. "Where's my gift?"
"I didn't know it was your birthday," I jabbed almost instantly. "I would've bought you something if you'd just told me. I thought I was your friend."
"But you are."
"Yeah? Then how come you or Tae never mentioned you were dating? I was the one who pushed you to have dinner with him, remember? How come you didn't tell me you were planning this party? I thought we had something special."
Fuck. I shouldn't have said that. Not a single word of those sentences made sense. Not one.
"Hyung," he laughed out of everything, making my heart hurt. "Are you jealous?"
Yes, jealous. That was what was happening to me. Jealousy pinpointed.
"No."
"Are you jealous I didn't tell you about the party or because I told Taehyung Hyung and not you?"
I put the glass on the small table beside the couch and stood up. He held my wrist to stop me, not that I was going to leave. "Hyung... I wanted to surprise everyone."
"Yeah, well. Consider me surprised."
When I tried to pull my hand back, he let me go, but he got in front of me. A sick part of me was feeling happy that the birthday boy was standing with me while another sick part was still upset. It seemed to me that the rational part of me was too drunk to take over. "I need a gift from my Hyung." He said somberly.
"I don't have anything now, do I?" I swayed my hands in the air sarcastically.
"Then agree to go out on a date with me. That will be the biggest gift I'll have."
I looked at him, some of the common sense knocking back into me. My head spun. What was happening? Was he - Did Taehyung and- Were they a couple or not? "Aren't you dating Taehyung?" I asked when I should have said I was in a relationship with Rose.
"No." He narrowed his eyes at me to stare at me determinedly.
I fell right into it. Didn't I?
My brain returned to full capacity and I understood exactly what must have happened between him and Taehyung and why my friend had stopped talking to me. But I still had one thing for which I couldn't kill my curiosity, but now that I was sane again, I didn't ask him. "Jungkook."
"My birthday wish, Hyung," he stopped me before I could let him down. "Just one dinner. It doesn't even have to mean anything on your part."
I narrowed my eyes at him. "And you won't expect anything out of it?"
He only gave me a small smile.
I let out a huff, pushing my hair back. "It's platonic and doesn't mean anything," I repeated more to myself.
"I'll text you the details." Jungkook let out a breath of relief and I knew immediately that I fucked up. I fucked up big time.
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16 Jan, 2025
Chapter 46: Pity-party over
Chapter Text
When Jungkook had returned home three days ago, looking like someone had sucked the life out of his lungs, he met with the crying face of his mother.
Even if she didn't say it, it was clear in her fear-filled hug that she was scared headless for his life. She didn't have to enunciate that they all thought something had happened to him when he didn't answer his phone, he could read it on their faces, and it reminded him of the promise he had made to them.
So far, he couldn't make them trust him, but he wanted to change that.
He wasn't proud of sobbing like a child in public, but he was determined to turn things around and stop the pity party.
And so he took the first step of his rediscovery journey.
It was a new morning. Jungkook was on the way to the gallery. He had received an e-mail from Mingyu about his work situation, terms and conditions, and salary details. The e-mail also said he was required to go to the gallery on the first day to have proper introductions.
For the first time since he returned home, he wore something other than matched suits, a muslin white shirt, sky-blue jeans, and white sneakers, and he felt free in his new outfit, not hiding behind the layers anymore.
When the taxi stopped, he smiled at the driver before paying him. One more month and he would have his own money. His smile brightened even more.
Unlike the big skyscraper of the office where he went for the interview, the gallery was a two-story building in a quiet neighborhood where he couldn't hear the sound of highway traffic.
He was supposed to see the gallery with Mingyu after the interview ended, but he had run away. He had to later make an excuse that something had come up. Nonetheless, he thought that no harm was done.
Since it was the first day, he wanted to take the taxi and not be late, but now when he had assessed the distance, he was sure he would require a forty-minute walk from his home to reach there.
He looked around and spotted at least three cafes within a three-minute walking length. There was a wedding gown boutique across the road and one gift shop right beside the gallery. The entire locality was rich culturally and architecturally.
With a determined breath and purpose in his steps, he entered inside through a manual, heavy glass door to find himself in a spotless white, airy, and very bright space with paintings on the walls.
There were antiques with their names on the placards displayed on the entire floor and one outside of the gallery. He reached the small reception. "Hello, I am Jeon Jungkook and it's my first day."
"Hey, Jungkook. Welcome!" Mingyu looked up and recognized the man. He stood up while typing something on his computer. "We have your entry in the system. Let me quickly activate that."
Jungkook waited while he finished typing. Then Mingyu gripped a yellow bag from the desk and skirted near him. "This is the welcome goodie bag for you."
Jungkook accepted the heavy bag. "Thank you, Mingyu-Ssi"
"Come... I'll show you the place," Mingyu swayed his arm to direct Jungkook. "We don't have the restrictions in terms of things and rooms that you can access. So you won't need any access card inside the building, but you need access for the entry. In case you come here first and are locked out. I'll get that for you in an hour. Everyone can go everywhere except the boss's office upstairs."
Jungkook felt his heart racing at the mention of the boss. He didn't interrupt the man, wanting to know about everything. He noticed the paintings on the walls had similarities to the ones he had seen in Jimin's office, and he concluded easily that they were done by the same artist.
There was something about them that was so heartbreakingly beautiful and unique in the way they were perceived by the artist. It was like looking into the feelings of the painter. The grey bases with a pop of unsuspected abstract hues of orange captured his attention the most.
"Here's the restroom," Mingyu pointed at the two doors and then jerked his thumb across the room. "That over there is a small cafeteria. Most of us bring lunch from home and we heat our food there. You can eat there, too. There are chairs behind that counter, or you can grab lunch from restaurants right outside."
"Sounds good. Where do people work?"
"Upstairs." Mingyu grinned. "There are four people including you in total. Two of them are art consultants and they travel most of the time. Then there is a salesperson. She opens the gallery every day and deals with the customers. The consultants attend auctions and charity galas on our behalf all over the world. I work from here or the corporate office where you came for the interview. As you know I am the manager. I make sure that everyone has enough resources to work, I report damages, and ensure that we have celebrations."
"Celebrations?"
"Yeah, like birthdays, anniversaries. Those sorts of things. Most people here are unmarried, but they have partners. Are you...um?"
Jungkook shook his head in amusement. "No. Single."
"Okay, okay..." Mingyu flashed a friendly smile. "There are canvases on the first floor. If you prefer complete quiet, you can set up shop there. Just let me know what you need for your space and I'll make it available for you. You can also brainstorm or look around for your muse. You don't necessarily have to work on your first day. If you don't mind a little voice, you can sit by the window. If you ask me, the window over there has the best view. Many people prefer sitting there and looking on the outside to get their inspiration. You can see the mountains from there, and there's always a nice breeze."
They started climbing the wooden stairs. Jungkook gawked at the circular dome shape of the building and the carvings on the glass ceilings. It was a blend of modern and classic architecture. Unlike the ground floor, the first one had fewer paintings and more open space. "Is this where people work?"
"Well, it's only you now. The artist we had is leaving and that's why you are here. So you can decide where you want to work."
"I'll stay here for the day."
"Sure," Mingyu peered at his wristwatch. "Let me know if you need anything. There are chocolates in the fridge and some drinks, too. You can help yourself. Those are free of charge for us. I'll come get you for lunch."
"You bet." Feeling good and confident, Jungkook watched Mingyu retreat downstairs and he exhaled happily, feeling like this was a perfect place for pursuing art.
His roaming eyes stopped when he spotted a closed room. He lurked towards the wooden balustrade. "One more question. Does the boss come here often?" He asked, leaning down. His letter mentioned that his point of contact would be Mingyu, so he wanted to be sure if his interaction with Jimin would be as less as he comprehended.
"Not really," Mingyu looked up. "Only when a new painting comes or for the renovations, which were completed last month. He drops by on special occasions. He'll be there in the company-wide event though."
Good. Jungkook thought. It didn't seem like he would face Jimin again, at least not for a long time. He could work with that.
**
After an hour of soaking himself in the peace, observing everything, and looking out of every window, Jungkook brought a small red stool to the center of the floor, right under the dome, and put an easel on top of a wide and long white waterproof fabric that he laid out on the ground.
He brought brushes and white and black colors and set them on the floor, but as he tried to do something, his hand froze mid-air. It felt like he was stuck between two worlds and he found no clarity on how to do the first swipe of the brush.
A few minutes into deep thinking, he heard noises on the ground floor and he chalked it up to clients, but then he heard his name followed by nearing footsteps on the stairs, and he dropped his left hand that was holding the brush.
As he stood up, Mingyu was already closing distance. "You already started?" The man pointed at the setup.
Jungkook looked back at the blank canvas. "Hardly."
"Come down. We have a small farewell celebration for Bong-Cha."
"Who?" Jungkook, who had folded his shirt sleeves, began to roll them down.
"The artist who resigned. Your predecessor."
"Oh." Jungkook followed Mingyu down. He could see someone's legs in heels from the stairs.
When he stopped in front of the female, he also saw someone in his peripheral vision, and his body buzzed with fear. He was too afraid to turn, but then Mingyu called Jimin, and Jungkook stopped breathing even though his pulse was wild.
Jimin came closer, the smell of all too familiar tonka beans and Dahlia clouding over Jungkook. He didn't dare lift his gaze at the man. Standing in the same room after so many things that went wrong was anticlimactic.
He could feel Jimin's gaze burning on the side of his face. He looked at Mingyu uncomfortably, who seemed unfaltered by his internal hush-hush. He went through the motions when Bong-Cha shook hands with him and introduced herself.
With the loud buzzing inside his head, he could hardly hear anything. The colors dimmed, and his vision became unfocused. He snapped back to reality when Jimin uncorked a bottle of champagne, and the cork went flying as high as it could.
The bubbly liquid sizzled, and Jungkook's eyes zeroed in on the glass being extended towards him. He finally breathed. "I don't drink."
While Mingyu looked at him like he was an alien, Bong-Cha understood that his choice wasn't something to be ridiculed. He made a mistake to glance at Jimin's eyes for a moment and regretted it. They seemed to be asking him so many things. There was burning curiosity, restlessness, and something so unsettling that he put his hands inside his pockets and gripped onto the fabric for some physical support.
He looked down at the table and realized that they also had cut a small cake while he was out of his wits. The woman handed him a plate and he accepted it.
It looked delicious as he stared at it like it was the most interesting thing in the room, wanting to avoid Jimin's gaze at all costs. Taking a small bite with the tiny wooden spoon, he tasted vanilla and fruits.
After seconds passed, he slowly started feeling more like himself. He answered Bong-Cha's questions and participated in witty banter between her and Mingyu by smiling.
Half an hour later, Jimin announced that they would go for team lunch for her farewell.
**
Jungkook went back upstairs and stared at the canvas. His heart was thudding like it was being tortured, and he harshly picked the brush. After dabbing it in white, he swiped across the canvas.
One after the other, he was like a madman painting. His jaw was set tight and careless about his clothes, he kept dabbing the paint from the palette and swiping the brush on the canvas.
Hours later, his muscles visibly relaxed when a picture formed with a white and grey accent. What came out of the swipes was a petite woman in a white, flowy dress, the skirt of it flying in the wind.
He had painted a small French window behind her. When he stepped back to take a look at the picture as a whole, he realized that although it was still incomplete, it was ordinary. What did he want to do to make it extraordinary?
He was thinking when he sensed Jimin's presence behind him before he heard his voice. "We are leaving for lunch."
Jungkook closed his eyes, something stinging at the back of his eye sockets. "Please allow me some time to clean up," he answered, glad that he had only used white paint that didn't look odd against his white muslin shirt.
Without turning to Jimin, he lurked towards the washroom. His hand was on the door handle when Jimin's voice stopped him. "Jungkook... I hope you can give me a chance to talk properly."
Without turning back, Jungkook pulled the handle and entered the sage green bathroom that smelled so fresh and clean that it distracted him from completely spiraling for a moment.
He looked up in the mirror as he gripped the sink with white-knuckle force, seeing his teary eyes. He wiped on them harshly and looked down, still not having it in him to see his reflection. He realized with regretful clarity that he was still in love with the man who broke him.
He hated that Jimin could conquer him so easily and that his love was inconvenient and irrational. He felt this fire inside his heart that never drowned, the hunger that never sated. He would have moved on if his love was modern and prioritized personal freedom over sacrifice. But in this era of hook-up culture, his love was an epic and tragic romance that emphasized yearning.
The words from his conversation with Frans returned with an astounding and loud clarity. He acquiesced that he was hiding his true feelings behind the blazing shield of anger. He needed to keep up with it with the life of him.
He couldn't let go of his anger, not at any cost. That was how he was going to survive.
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10 Feb, 2025
Chapter 47: Expertise and future goals
Chapter Text
Jimin
Even when I drank my weight in alcohol, I still remembered the conversation from his party. It was no secret I could hold my liquor , but I didn't know who carried me back to the dorm. Everyone was only amazed that I managed to get drunk.
I waited for Jungkook to strike the next day. But I didn't hear anything.
I felt relieved and hopeful the day after when I still didn't get any text or call from him. I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he was also drunk and didn't know what he was doing, and that he had forgotten all about our conversation.
On the third day, I left with Taehyung, Hoseok, Christoph, Anja, and Rose to Mykonos.
The optimism I felt before attending Jungkook's party returned after hitting a little snag as we danced in the massive clubs and drank cocktails while eating seafood at the beaches and celebrating my birthday.
The weather was nice and warm and all of us wore shorts and flip-flops for the two weeks we stayed there. I was happy with Rose. She was happy to be able to freely enjoy outside Germany, away from responsibilities, even for a little bit.
Once in a while, I remembered Fehrman Island and how things took a turn from there, but I didn't let it get to my head. But as the day came to return to the Uni, I started to feel anxious.
When I returned to Uni and settled into the new year, I suspected something would happen .
For a few days, he remained civil. Now that I knew better, I also discerned his previous interactions with Taehyung were nothing romantic but rather friendly, or maybe one-sided. What I didn't understand was why Taehyung had been so casual about it, like it didn't affect him much that Jungkook had obviously rejected his proposition as I came to know.
Tae wasn't focusing on anyone. His entire energy and efforts were still directed towards Jungkook, and it didn't settle well with me because I knew where Jungkook still stood.
It was still hard to watch Jungkook here and there and not feel the weight on my chest, but as days passed, the anxiety eventually began to fade.
One night after two weeks of returning from Mykonos, I heard a soft knock on my door and I opened it without any thought.
Seeing Jungkook standing there was a jarring blow to something inside me. I may have given him the benefit of the doubt, but as I stared into his eyes , I knew for a fact that he hadn't forgotten a single thing.
It was annoying that he had become more beautiful this year, which shouldn't have been a factor for me to treat him any differently, but I found myself frozen on the spot for a few seconds. "May I come in?" He asked innocently, when I knew nothing inside his head was innocent.
I nodded silently, two fine lines coming between my brow gap as he walked inside. Hands folded behind, he looked around the space. "Wow," he said slowly, taking in the surroundings. "This place is even better than the last one. You get your own TV?"
"There's no point in giving us TV. No one has time to watch anything." I spoke calmly, knowing how ridiculous this addition was as I closed the door.
"I would take a TV any time. I love watching animated movies on the big screen." He touched the monitor.
"Take a seat, Jungkook," I said in a clipped tone. My body was tense even though I hadn't heard what he wanted to say, but I had the idea.
His frame turned to me as he rocked on his heels and his hand extended a big packet. "What's this?" I asked, accepting it.
"Bavaria."
"How did you get it?" I asked. The beer cans through the cold plastic touched my skin. There was only one liquor store near us that served alcohol but not to students, and the supermarkets were far from the Uni, so he couldn't have gotten it from there so late in the evening. They were still icy cold.
"I saved them from the party. I had put them out for half an hour for them to chill before bringing them." He answered.
"It's a weekday, Jungkook. We are not drinking."
"Not even to celebrate your birthday?!" He complained boyishly. "Besides, we only have classes. Our extracurriculars haven't started yet. I think we can manage one beer each."
"It's not my birthday," I turned around and strode until I opened the mini-fridge and shoved the whole packet inside.
"I know," he pouted indignantly. "Because you take a trip every year to celebrate your birthday early."
"Who told you that?" I asked, still looking at the fridge, not trying to face him yet.
"Come on! It wasn't hard to find out. We have many common friends, remember?"
I swayed, unsure what to say to that.
"I was here because I needed help with a chapter."
My head cocked to the side as I looked at him, a breath of relief filling my lungs. "Okay. That we can do."
Jungkook
He was staring at me suspiciously and even with a rough tone to his voice, the moment I said I was there to study, he visibly relaxed. Prick.
"Do you want to eat something?" He asked, now moving towards the small section where he had placed snacks.
"Not really? Where should we sit?" I looked around to decide. His bed was big enough for two people to sleep closely. Then there was a study table, but there was only one chair. There was also one couch with a small wooden table with storage and wheels. "Gotcha." I dragged the table to the beige rug which was between the TV and the bed and settled down on the ground. I patted the space. "Come, Hyung."
Jimin looked like he was self-reprimanding because why didn't he think of this arrangement before? This was much cozier and gave the space a homely outlook. "What is it that you are struggling with?" He asked, taking off his room slippers by the edge of the rug to step on it barefoot.
"Many things... Hyung. Tell me what do you want to do after graduating?"
"I don't know," he shrugged. "Maybe become a cardiologist. What do you want to specialize in?"
"I am keen on medicine. Do you think I should consider it? Is it tough to get MD?"
He looked surprised by my response, a small smile flashed on his face. "If you wish to pursue, I think you can do it. But you'll need to focus on it."
"Yeah," I laughed jokingly. "I really need to focus. It's my dream to help people. When I imagine myself ten years from now, I see a beautiful house, not the flats and apartments kind, but rather a personal mansion or a bungalow. I am eating dinner with my husband which I cook. You know, I am a great cook." I also practiced cooking on Holidays. My mother thought I was doing it to impress a girl. She even probed me to tell her I was seeing someone. I only told her she was delusional.
He smiled widely, nodding. "I have tasted your food."
"Oh right," he did. I paused to think. "Hmm... Where was I?"
"On the dinner table with your husband." He was listening intently like a child would listen to a story.
"Thanks," I lined up my thoughts again to continue. "And then I am telling him all about my day. He is telling me about all the cardiac surgeries he did during the day because you know... I preferably will marry a cardiologist like yourself." I pointed at him.
He looked down, his smile faltering for a moment before I piped in again. "I want a big house. Like really big. I am very fond of water, so I need a pool outside my place where we two can take a swim together in silence. I will even clean the pool. I'll do everything. He would just have to be there and love me. I don't expect anything else in return from my future husband."
"Your future husband is a lucky guy," he conceded. "Now, back to the topic at hand. What do you need help with?"
"Male reproductive system. I am quite intrigued with the prostate gland, as you may assume... Because, you know," I leaned in. "I have a personal interest in it." I whispered sheepishly.
If he knew what I was getting at, he didn't show it. "Do you not understand anything specifically?"
"Yes. How does it help nourish the sperm?" I played it cool, a valid question to which I knew the answer.
"Let's see," His brows raised slightly as if to recollect. "The prostate releases additional fluid to ejaculation, which has zinc and enzymes. And the fluid also helps in sperm motility."
"It's unrelated, but I learned that prostate orgasm makes the normal male orgasm feel like a joke. Personally, I am waiting to experience that. Do you ever consider or think about it? I mean you read all this way before me... Did you ever have that curiosity?" I asked, my brows drew together and my face remained somber as if I was serious about learning things.
"Not really. I mean I know. Of course... But I would never like to find out. I am straight, Jungkook. Remember?" The way he was looking at me, his hard eyes keened on my gaze. He wore a light green sweatshirt and beige sweatpants. His feet were covered by white woolen socks, and his hair was perfect, parted equally on both sides. He was so stupidly handsome without even trying.
I got so lost that I dropped the intention of speaking ever again. I knew he was expecting a response desperately. There was a warning in his tone. At times when he caught me in the trance of his beauty, I had to put so much effort into not kissing him. My jaw was shut tight as I gritted my teeth together, my hands tight in a fist so I wouldn't reach out to hold his face and peck him.
I let my lips slowly stretch and broke the eye contact. "No. I know... But prostate orgasm isn't only for gays. Straight men can access their prostates with their own fingers," seeing the red creeping up his neck, I had to deflect. I couldn't push him all at once. Jimin was frustrating to no end when it came to me. I loved to throw him off-balance. "But it's okay if the majority of the men remain oblivious to that pleasure. We need children to maintain biological balance. If all men become gay, how will we have children?"
His countenance had changed. He was alarmed more than anything.
"Can I ask you something?"
He didn't reply, only staring at me with somewhat ... contempt? It pricked, but I had to ignore it. I considered his silence as an invitation. "Has men ever hit on you before?"
"Yes," he looked down, his fingers looped together as he gripped his hands tight until his knuckles turned white. "What is it about me that gives men that impression, Jungkook?" When his lashes lifted, he had a gentle, melancholic look on his resting face.
"You are beautiful, Jimin Hyung. You color your hair," I pointed towards his head. "These could be physical attributes, but when I told you I find you attractive, it wasn't about any of those things. Honestly, I knew you were in a relationship with a woman, but I just couldn't stop myself for the first time in my life. I thought if I didn't say it, I would be disrespecting the universe for putting me in the same atmosphere as you."
"And now?"
"What about now?"
"What is it about me that you still refuse to drop it, Jungkook?" He asked, his voice a little pained. "I know what you are doing. I am not a fool. And I care about you, so it's not exactly fun for me to- to...to make you feel neglected and rejected. Why do you do it?"
"I'll tell you why if you tell me why were you jealous at my birthday party?" He looked at me, his throat bobbing gradually. "Why did you look at me like I am your muse and you'll lock yourself away to draw me?"
"I didn't." He lied.
"You did and you know it."
"You have so many questions to ask me, Jungkook. You tell me. Why are you doing this to Taehyung? If you aren't interested in him, why did you sleep with him?" He was huffing by the end of his sentence, regret quickly swimming in his eyes before it took the form of shame, or maybe...guilt?
"Who told you that?" My anger suddenly simmered.
"No one," his voice turned low and he tried to pedal back. "I- I am sorry."
"No. I am serious, Hyung. Tell me."
"It's not anyone," he chided in agitation. "After you spent the night in Tae's room, it had sort of become common knowledge."
It made sense now.
All those people laughing on seeing me last year, the judgemental stares, even the players on the football team whispered in corners of the locker room for days. I was the only idiot who had no idea about it.
Did Taehyung Hyung know? I would deal with him later. But for now, I had proof that my assumptions about Jimin weren't entirely baseless. If he only cared about me as a Dongsaeng, he wouldn't care whom I slept or didn't sleep with. I only needed to make Jimin realize that.
I stood up and pulled out my wallet. From one of the inner pockets, I picked something that I'd prepared for Jimin. "Happy birthday, Hyung. It's belated, but I prepared it with sincerity. Hope you like it."
His hesitant hand took it from me and I waltzed out of his room without a backward glance.
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19 Feb, 2025
Chapter 48: The guilt returns
Chapter Text
Jungkook
I had been enraged before when I saw Rose with Jimin.
I had been furious when Jimin acted dumb like he wasn't the only man I had eyes for, but this was something else.
I was hysterical with outrage.
My body trembled as I banged on Taehyung Hyung's door after an hour of returning from Jimin's room. No one answered.
"Hyung!" I hollered. "I know you are in there. Open the door!" I even neglected to consider that the seniors could have easily overheard me. They could swarm the corridor, and I didn't have to fathom what would happen then, but I couldn't help my emotions.
Hyung came to the door with messy hair and swollen eyes. He must have been sleeping. "Is everything okay, Jungkook?" He asked, his eyes keen on my face.
"You tell me." I folded my arms.
He stared at me, confusion enveloping him.
"Did you know that people were spreading rumors that I slept with you?!" My tone was loud and I couldn't help it.
Maybe the doors opened one by one, and students gushed out of their dorms, or perhaps it happened suddenly when I was too busy to notice. I thought they would kick me out, but apparently, the topic was much more entertaining to them than I gave credit for. They didn't look offended by a junior screaming at a senior at the top of his lungs in their dormitory. "Jungkook," Hyung said, holding my clothed wrist. "Come inside, and let's talk like humans."
"Why?!" I bellowed, snatching my hand away from him. "So people could talk again how you fucked me?!"
From the corner of my eye, I saw Jimin and he froze when he noticed me. I ignored him. If he came in between, I wouldn't hesitate to put him in his place either. It was better if he stayed away at that moment.
"Did someone say anything to you?" Taehyung Hyung asked in a soft voice.
"How does it matter? Did you know about it?"
He looked at Jimin and sighed, some anger coming into his eyes. "I did. And I made sure that no one would say it out loud. I had set the record straight. Ask anyone." He tossed his arm in the direction of his classmates haphazardly.
"How noble of you!" I seethed through my gritted teeth.
"Don't patronize me, Jungkook. Have some care how you speak to me." He clipped.
"You know what? I am so fucking done with you."
"Done with me?" He hissed, leaning so close that I could feel his breath, his muscles tight as he connected his forehead with me. "You never started with me to be done with me, Jungkook. What do you take me for? I am not your boy toy."
"And I am?" I stepped back enough to let him see me, but the fucking tears thought it was a good idea to jump out of my eyes casually. I blinked, my chin wobbling.
I could see Taehyung Hyung regretting his harsh response the moment he caught my expression. "Jungkook," Jimin stepped closer to me, but I turned around and walked out of there.
Yeah. I was pathetic, and I had come to realize it a year ago when all I did was chase after a man and cry for him all night who wouldn't even look at me twice.
Jimin
Pushing Taehyung inside his room, I closed the door. He realized that he could have handled the situation in a better way, which was visible by his way of clutching his hair strands and pulling on them while he strode around unsystematically.
I didn't want to tell him that I told Jungkook about anything lest I admitted to our previous interactions, which meant that I should prepare myself to carry the weight of guilt on my chest again. "Try to calm down," I said dryly.
"Calm down?!" He glared at me, throwing his hands around in the air. "What the fuck is wrong with me, Jimin? Why can't he see me like I see him?"
"Give him some time."
"I've given enough. I have put my naked heart in front of him to accept me, but no." Shaking his head, Taehyung flopped down on the bed and covered his face.
Sighing, I gripped his shoulder and sat beside him. "Don't worry too much, Tae. He's too young, just turned eighteen. I believe he'll come around."
"Tell me one thing," Taehyung looked up at me suddenly, taking both my palms in his. "If he doesn't, what should I do? Because sure as fuck I can't seem to get the memo. I am obsessed with that little, disrespectful shit. Tell me you won't take him away from me."
My heart felt the jolt of his fear and his words for the first time. Since when did he think like that? I knew Rose was insecure, but I never knew my friend felt the same way. "Why do you think I'd do anything with Jungkook?" I asked slowly, cautiously, curiously.
"Because," he stood up and clasped his waist. "He is in love with you."
Completely deterred, my head felt like it was spinning, the earth getting spongy beneath my feet as I braced myself on the bed. "The night he spent here, nothing happened. I let him sleep because he wasn't sleeping well for the past few days." Taehyung spoke with his back to me, like he was hating the sound of every word. I could feel the palpitating pain in his voice. "Do you remember the sixth semester when he wasn't talking to me?"
"Yes."
"He called me one day out of nowhere and asked me if I wanted to meet. I was over the moon. I decided that day that I'd tell him about my feelings instead of suffering like I did."
He still didn't turn to me. It seemed that he found it easier to show vulnerability without looking at me.
" He looked rather dull. I chalked it up to normal awkwardness because of not talking to each other after so long, but when he started crying, I hugged him. I asked him what happened and he told me he had something to tell me and that he was waiting for the right time. Weeks later, he asked me to go pick strawberries with him, and I knew that that was it. I was going to tell him then. And I think he also knew somehow that I was going to express my feelings because when I did, he wasn't surprised, and was ready to stomp all over my heart by the admission of his love for you, Jimin."
My heart hurt, thinking I was the one causing so much pain to Jungkook, and in turn, my friend. I couldn't do anything about it, which made it all the more difficult to breathe suddenly.
He turned to me then, an eccentric and melancholic smile spreading on his lips, finding god knew what was on my face. "We could be perfect together, but he wanted you. He made it seem like he needed you. He broke down in front of me all over again and I was helpless. I asked him to date me, even if it was fake. I thought that if he felt my sincerity, he would open his heart to me and that he would change his mind. He said no." He shrugged.
"I am sorry, Tae. You have to know that I'd never."
"I know. You are straight. I fucking know! But he doesn't seem to get that through his thick fucking head. I have never seen anyone more stubborn than him. And the worst thing is, I still want that asshole."
All that time, I knew I was an object of fascination for Jungkook. I even considered that maybe he liked the thrill of chasing me and soon would get bored or quit when he didn't get success, but he was in love with me? "He was seventeen when he joined here. I am sure he would change with time. What does he know about love at seventeen , Tae? "
"What did you know about love at eighteen?" He bit back. "When we started the university, we were eighteen. You fell in love with Rose at eighteen."
Something inside me was heated with turmoil. Was I really in love with Rose at eighteen ?
I don't think I was. I came into a relationship, but that wasn't the same as being in love.
"And now you are twenty-two and do you see yourself changing in the future?"
Taehyung was right. What was even love? I had asked myself the same question over and over again. Was what I felt for Rose it? It wasn't great love that Shakespeare wrote about. It was nothing like what they described in the books. " Yes," I told Taehyung. My love mightn't have been great from the start, but it has evolved. "I have changed, Tae. I am not the same guy and Rose isn't the same woman anymore from where we started. We have changed, and so I am confident that Jungkook will, too."
I wasn't sure if I desperately wanted Taehyung to believe my words more or if I wanted to believe them, but Jungkook had to change.
When I started the Uni, I didn't know what avalanche was waiting for me halfway through. I didn't even know how to face the kid without feeling like the cells inside me would wither away. No one made me feel the way Jungkook had managed to do.
"I told him I'd wait for him as long as he needs, too," Taehyung shook his head in disappointment. "Tell me it will not all be in vain."
"It won't be." Bearing some semblance, I got up and walked up to him.
"Fuck," he looked down and then put his arm on my right shoulder. "I owe you an apology, Jimin. I lost sight of friendship over jealousy. I guess you could say I was bitter about the fact that you didn't even try or want him, but he seemed to have eyes for only you. It was childish, but you were right... For some time, I pulled myself away from you. I was holding a grudge."
I smiled, taking his hand down and squeezing it in assurance. A small smile lifted my lips. "I am always here for you, Tae. I am just glad that you didn't let it get to you for too long. Bros come before anyone."
Finally, he smiled.
"Let him cool down a bit. He is young and full of testosterone. I am sure he'll come back to you wanting to make up." I sort of knew he wouldn't. I had to convince him last time. I had a feeling I had to intervene again, but how could I see him now when I knew what he felt was more than infatuation?
"Do you want to come with me to my room to sleep?"
"I thought Rose was with you."
"She isn't."
"I could swear I heard someone speaking from across the wall before I fell asleep. Have you started talking to yourself?" He joked.
The ugly guilt began to eat at my nerves. I maybe deserved it, but why was it so difficult to confess to Taehyung about my private conversations with Jungkook?
Closing the door behind us, we went straight to bed and I stayed awake to think of an answer to my question. I reached to the side table and picked up the piece of jewelry that Jungkook gave me earlier as a present. It was a sleek chain with a rustic silver, engraved circle the size of two M&Ms dangling from it.
I kept staring at it mindlessly for a long time before sleep swept me into its arms.
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24 Feb, 2025
Chapter 49: To eat Kimchi for dinner
Chapter Text
Jungkook
I watched Jimin flooding our group chat for the next two days. He was usually the one who never responded to our messages or posts, but he purposely made it his job to insult all his friends with his superior sarcasm in a delightful way. He didn't spare anyone. Some of his responses were so funny that I laughed and almost posted my appreciation toward them, but in the end, I didn't. I knew his game plan. He was egging me on. Maybe he felt guilty that he was the one who divulged that rumor to me.
Taehyung Hyung and I had our equation now, more established than before, and I had to deal with it myself without the involvement of anyone, even if it was Jimin. I couldn't give him the peace he wanted by giving him any chance to apologize to me.
I was suffering because of him, he could suffer a little, too.
The flooding of texts stopped after three days.
On the fourth day, I got tired of being crammed up inside our dorm that I hadn't left lest I did something I regretted again. "You coming to get some air?" I asked Ulrich.
"In this freezing rain? No, thank you."
I got up from my bed and stretched, relaxing myself. Not before grabbing my rain jacket, slowly walking outside my dormitory wing and taking the stairs to reach the ground floor, I stood under the shade, the intense cold making me hug myself.
It was only evening, but the sun in winter set in the late afternoon. T he fifth year's dormitory stair was right across from ours, separated by a field. Even if it wasn't, I couldn't mistake the pace of his walk, his height, and the way he was gripping the umbrella. Jimin was heading my way.
I ran inside quickly, taking two stairs at a time, sure that he couldn't have seen me in the heavy rain and darkness. I bolted in the room and Ulrich laughed at me. "That was quick."
"Don't let anyone in." I closed the door and guarded it with my back to it.
"Is someone outside?"
"If anyone asks, tell them I am not in the room."
"I couldn't possibly stop Jimin or Taehyung sir." He scowled, closing his book and urgently getting up from his bed, too.
"Fine," I told him. "I'll make sure then that I am not present in the room." I opened the door and sprinted in the direction of the stairs again, hoping to reach down before Jimin and run away somewhere in the rain, but stumbled when I caught him halfway up the stairs.
I had no option but to run back up.
"What did you do now?" Ulrich hissed, catching me in the middle of the hall that had all the room doors facing it, and grabbed my wrist while I was panicking.
"Nothing! Please save me this time."
"Go inside!" He nudged me towards our room.
My eyes turned big as I stared at him and froze for a moment. "Just go! I'll make up an excuse."
I nodded before sprinting back inside.
Realizing that it was the first time I wasn't running towards but away from Jimin, I closed the door with a loud bang and breathed heavily. I didn't know what Ulrich was going to do, but I crossed my fingers and hoped he succeeded.
Jimin
I saw Ulrich at the edge of the staircase. I stopped when he greeted me. "Good evening," I told him, pulling my raincoat hood away from my face. "Is Jungkook in?"
"Ah," Ulrich pointed behind me at the stairs. "He went out a few minutes ago to get some 'fresh air' and hadn't returned. I was actually going to get him. I don't like the weather."
I sighed in disappointment. There was a possibility that Jungkook was inside the room and Ulrich was covering for him, but he couldn't have known I was coming here, so Ulrich might as well be telling the truth.
"I haven't seen him around much. Is he okay?" I asked, not sure if Jungkook ever talked to Ulrich about his feelings. I only guessed that Jungkook didn't, given he was Rose's cousin, so Ulrich wouldn't suspect me of anything if I asked a few harmless questions. Right?
"Mostly focusing on studies, sir. He does attend the class."
"And where does he eat?" My heart was racing as I prodded.
"He said and I quote 'I am s ick of the Uni food. After eating the same taste for the last year, skipping a few meals wasn't a big deal. I will buy all my meals from supermarkets and bakeries.' "
"Okay," I nodded. I also hadn't seen him in the library, but I didn't want to question it.
"Why are you looking for him?" Ulrich's voice came closer.
I was startled before I composed myself after seeing him in front of my face. "I needed to discuss a chapter with him. He told me he was having issues."
"With Dementia?" He asked, eyes looking far away in inquiry. "But we discussed it and he said he was clear."
Shit.
Ulrich was assuming. I had to stall. "Forget it then. How are your studies going? Rose told me that your mother is looking forward to meeting me, too."
"Oh," he smiled shyly. "My studies are going well. I heard from Mom that you are planning to visit after the end of this semester."
"Yeah," I let out a heavy breath. I said I was ready, but every time this subject was brought up, I felt like I was carrying a burden of some sort. I smiled. Ulrich has always been a respectful kid. It didn't feel good lying to him more than necessary. "You should go back to your room. The weather seems like it will worsen. And inform me when Jungkook gets back. Stay safe and warm. Don't catch a cold."
"Yes, sir."
Jungkook
I craved Korean food. Most of the people had already eaten, and I was hungry because I didn't go to the cafeteria earlier.
The thunder started with lightning. It was coming down. I knew it wasn't a good idea to step out. Hell, I wasn't even sure that the small place called Noodle-Kimchi Bar where I sometimes ate would even be open. It was the only place that sold decent Korean food.
Ulrich was studying again after interrogating me for twenty minutes, and it was of no use to ask him to go with me. He had already eaten, and I didn't want to waste his time, especially when it was quite bad outside.
Taking my travel card and some Euros in cash, I put them in the small waterproof bag and covered myself in warm clothes.
Leaving the Uni at six o'clock, e ven with an umbrella and rain suit covering me, my face was completely drenched due to the winds that had started, I reached the station after a ten-minute walk.
I rushed toward the platform and saw that the train was delayed by fifteen minutes. Paying fifty cents for the washroom, I wiped my face, which had gotten all red and swollen. After I dried myself as best as I could, I returned to the platform and sat on a bench.
Only one young girl was sitting on a separate spoor and except for the two of us, the entire station was empty. After fifteen minutes, the train was delayed for ten more minutes and I debated if I should return to the Uni.
My stomach was killing me and we didn't have anything stocked back at the dorm. Not entirely convinced, I decided to give ten more minutes. I told myself that I'd go back if there was further delay.
Thankfully, the train arrived after ten minutes and I hopped on. It took twelve minutes to reach the desired station, which was as empty as it could be.
I rushed out. The apprehension in me growing. There was no way the restaurant would be open, but I didn't want to accept defeat. It was right behind the station. There was no way I was returning without checking.
I skirted around and brisk-walked, my boots clean as new after being washed in the rain. Just as I made a turn, I knew the place was close. Through the glass walls, I could see the inverted chairs on the table.
Disappointed, I kept striding towards it and halted in front of the glass entry doors. It was dark inside. My stomach growled and my head stopped working. I looked around to see if there was any open convenience store.
The sound from behind me made my heart lurch. I snapped my neck just in time the door opened. An elderly woman looked up at me. "Were you looking for something to eat?" She asked in Korean.
I nodded. "I thought the place was closed."
"It is closed, but come in," she asked me. I quickly followed her inside and placed my umbrella on the stand, thankful for the warmth. I took off my rain suit. "I remember you. You come here on weekends."
"I do," I told her politely, putting the wet suit aside. "But I never saw you here before."
"That's because I am in the kitchen," she laughed, looking back at the counter. "I closed the place because my daughter is sick. She is the one who runs this place. But there's a lot left which I had already prepared. What do you want to eat?"
"Anything you have available will work," I told her, picking up a chair from the top of the table and placing it down on the ground.
She turned on one yellow light above my head and disappeared behind the counter.
I looked outside and regretted my decision to come all the way. I wanted to eat quickly and catch the train back.
She returned after fifteen minutes with a big tray of steaming hot food. Perfect for the weather. On the top, there was a big bowl of teriyaki chicken with rice and crushed fried onions, a cold ginseng drink, and another bowl of barbecued beef. "Bon appetit."
It uplifted my spirits a bit after days. "Did you eat, Halmeoni?" I asked.
She nodded. "Go on, eat. If you want more, tell me. There's a lot of meat left."
I dug in, the familiar taste making me want to go back home to Eomma.
Halfway through eating, I got a call from Jimin.
He hasn't directly texted me ever since that night. And receiving a call from him was something I considered would be impossible. So it wasn't in my control that I choked on food and ended up having a fit of cough followed by wheezing for good measure. All the while, I clutched the phone in my palm to center me.
By the time I recovered, the call was missed and Halmeoni was standing behind me with a glass of water. I jumped in my seat before taking it from her to sip.
I had every intent to call Jimin back, but at the last moment, I didn't.
As I started eating again, food tasting only half as delicious, a rather loud rumble from outside almost shook us and at the same moment, lightning struck through the roof.
My head jerked up and the frail and short figure of the elderly woman illuminated by the flash of light before falling into hollowed shadows as the light above me flickered. My spine stiffened suddenly.
Somehow the respite from earlier turned into a scene from a horror movie. I knew she wasn't a murderer or a psychopath, but my hackles raised at any rate.
The sirens blared outside and my balls curdled in fear.
"My god!" The woman said, walking back to the counter. " It's a tornado warning."
Yeah, the night just got serious.
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6 Mar, 2025
Chapter 50: Hold and suffer or learn to let go
Chapter Text
"What about you, Jungkook?" Bong-Cha asked, a glass in her hand as she stared at him sitting across the table in a quaint cafe on the corner of the street.
While people took turns talking about their favorite food, or the latest Netflix watch, Jungkook tried not to focus on Jimin's cologne. The man was sitting beside him after leaving a chair in between, but it seemed he could ensnare Jungkook's senses and attention. "I... haven't been watching much lately," he tried to smile, his face indicative of his predicament.
"Man! You need to start living!" Mingyu chimed. "Your answers are very negative to everything we asked you. I am taking you out tonight."
Jungkook smiled politely, feeling uncomfortable for being called out like that. They didn't know what he went through, so it was understandable they didn't comprehend his situation, but he still wanted them to stop being curious.
Jimin was observing Jungkook out of the corner of his eyes. For six years, he was looking for this man who was sitting beside him, hardly eating and doing his best to not spare a single look at him. He hadn't spoken to Jungkook directly, and the other two were noticing it, too. "Do you paint at home?" He finally asked, not a question that was too personal, but also not something impersonal either.
Jungkook knew he couldn't ignore his boss completely. If it were just him, he would've walked away from Jimin. He wouldn't have come with Jimin in the first place. But with two other people in the presence whose boss was also Jimin, he felt obligated to speak. His stomach roiled, protesting against wanting to acknowledge Jimin's question. "Not anymore."
"Waah!" Mingyu burst out laughing. "You are not a man of words. I see."
"Let's not pressure our new member," Jimin quickly cut in between. "Jungkook needs his time."
Jungkook's heart pounded. He subtly touched his chest, not believing the speed with which his pulse thumped. He couldn't mistake Jimin's kindness for anything else. He was merely saving him embarrassment, but his heart was the biggest rebel. He could train each body part to hate Jimin, but not his heart. It would always stand against him, siding with the one who ruined it.
He took a long breath as the three continued a light conversation. The cutlery clanked against the dishes as they cut through the meat. They ordered more food, but he just sat there.
When he'd first decided to run a marathon, the idea was exciting, but the preparation was the damndest thing. And tougher than the actual preparation was the period between the two. He doubted himself, thinking that it was impossible to run 5K without stopping. He wondered what would happen if he collapsed, or if he failed to take the first steps at all.
He felt a similar dread again, only thrice as bad. He decided years ago that he needed to forget Jimin, and what he thought was the real process to move on turned out to be a big failure. The last six years accounted for nothing. The real struggle was starting now. He knew he had to start again, but the apprehension lingered. What was the guarantee that he would be able to do it this time? Was Jimin so easy to forget, especially when he had come bashing all his defenses, leaving him bare?
But like the last time, he knew he couldn't quit. He had to try the hardest because there was no way he was coming out of it alive if he failed.
It seemed like the day had stretched to Jungkook, but after the lunch concluded in two hours, he pulled himself up and said goodbyes to Bong Cha before walking across the street to get inside the Art gallery.
Not stopping, he gripped his shirt sleeve with his fists and walked up the stairs.
Before sitting down, in front of the incomplete painting, he let out a long breath, trying to calm his heart, his whole equilibrium that always tilted towards Jimin every single time he looked at him.
Nothing had changed in a decade. The realization left a bitter taste in his mouth, shaking his beaten soul. He looked down defeatedly, rubbing his face with his palms.
He heard the voices, letting him know that the other two had followed him inside. The anxious thought of his mind wanted him to run as far away from Jimin as possible, but his whole body begged against it, feeling exhausted. It pleaded not to put it through another hell again. "I have to do it," he mumbled, feeling his eyes burning from keeping back the tears. "I have to be okay with him sharing the same space as me. I have to."
No matter how many times he repeated while trying his best to calm his mind, one little sound of Jimin's voice coming from downstairs sent him tumbling back to the brink of salvation.
His hand gripped the brush again and he mixed the colors. His movements were panicked. An outsider looking in could have thought that he would ruin the painting with his edginess, but when he swiped across the canvas with equally urgent swishes, what came out was contradictory and extraordinary.
He has put expressions in the eyes of the young woman, giving life to the canvas at once.
His neck snapped when he heard the tapping sound behind him. Seeing Jimin, he abruptly stood up.
Jimin walked closer, standing in front of the painting.
Jungkook's heart began to beat through his chest, hands sweating, frenzied with unrelenting nervousness and anger. All the affirmations he told himself fell flat on their back.
If Jimin heard Jungkook breathing heavily, he didn't make it known. "It-" he choked on his words, mesmerized by the art. If he didn't know Jungkook was also an artist from the past, he would've even been surprised. He still felt tongue-tied for the youngest's passion for art and its depth."Her lips are... innocent. Like she's never been kissed before."
It gave Jungkook a chance, an out from Jimin's side to talk about something else. He blinked his eyes, shifting his focus to the pair of lips he had drawn. He didn't know he wanted to capture the innocence in the painting, but when Jimin mentioned it, the younger man realized that the older one was right. "I am glad you can see it." He responded, transfixed on the canvas, trying to look at it from Jimin's eyes. He could see it in the new light. It was true indeed. Art was subjective too. People could find what they wanted or needed to see.
"It's hard not to see it, Jungkook," Jimin gushed in praise, appreciating the sensitivity on the canvas. The paint wasn't strictly sitting under the lines, but bleeding at the edges, which made it hauntingly beautiful. "Her eyes are sad like she has never seen the light. But she is the brightest, carrying the light within herself. She is so innocent that she looks like...a newborn teenager." It was as though Jungkook reflected his resilience in the girl.
Jungkook's lips curled up slightly without even realizing it. "Yes," he agreed. "She shines the brightest, she doesn't realize it."
"How does it feel to make a masterpiece on your first day of job?" He wondered how Jungkook must've mixed the colors to make such a vibrant white.
Jimin turned to look at Jungkook's awed face before averting his gaze back to the woman in the canvas. The white fabric of her dress skirt flowed and brightened the area around them.
Jungkook gulped, unable to look away.
"Do you have a painting name?" Jimin asked.
"A newborn teenager," Jungkook whispered.
Jimin's breath hitched. He blinked, avoiding accepting what his body was trying to communicate. He was certain that saying Jungkook must be having a hard time was an understatement. He couldn't begin to fathom what Jungkook was going through, but he could speak for himself. Standing next to the one person who dominated his thoughts for almost a decade, even in the worst way, he wanted to crumble, but he had to pretend to be strong, for Jungkook's sake, for his sake.
"Are you sure?"
"I don't think anyone else would've described it in better words."
That caused Jimin to softly laugh. "There are people with great eyes for the art. I am merely an admirer, not an expert. I am sure you can come up with a better name than that on your own. We will keep it open for now."
But Jungkook had decided.
He didn't say anything.
Jimin stood there for a few more seconds before turning around. He hesitated but walked away, thinking about the contrast he'd seen in Jungkook's personality from before. He was so impressed that he stopped by the threshold of the staircase, unable to form enough words to summarise his feelings. He turned to see Jugkook holding his waist as he relaxed. "You did great, Jungkook. We are very lucky to have you here. I hope you professionally achieve what you want to with us."
Jungkook slightly turned back, silent understanding in his eyes as he pressed his lips together and nodded.
Jimin's pulse thumped so loud, it jumped in his neck. He stole his eyes back quickly, afraid he was caught. Without another word, he rushed down the stairs. What was it about this Jungkook that left him...levitating?
**
On reaching home, Jungkook was met with the eager and happy faces of his family. His father also couldn't hide the excitement. They looked at him with expectant looks in their eyes, but his encounter with Jimin had pillaged his strength, leaving him weary. He silently sat down on the couch. "How did it go?" His father asked softly, sitting on the opposite couch.
"It was better than I expected," Jungkook answered partially truthfully. When he was still struggling to let the thought completely sink in that he met with Jimin during his interview, and was now working for him, he'd also created something great on the canvas.
"Yeah?" It was his mother this time, love pouring out of her eyes for her little boy who was not so little anymore. She got up from her place near her husband and walked over to Jungkook, sitting beside him.
"I drew something and painted," Jungkook turned slightly towards her. "The painting is not finished. I need to give a few finishing touches to it, but I was happy about how it came out."
"What did you draw?" His grandmother asked, looping her fingers together on the chair she was sitting on, directing her whole focus on him.
Jungkook smiled, recollecting the day he first went to swimming school. Although his father had taken him and had stayed with him for the whole time, he still asked him many questions. And when he had returned home, the faces of his grandmother and mother were the same, excited, hopeful, and a little scared.
"I named it 'newborn teenager.' It's just a sweet girl."
Their faces were visibly relaxed after hearing his answer. "Do you have a picture?" His mother asked hopefully.
"No," Jungkook stopped smiling, thoughts returning to the present time. "But I'll take it tomorrow."
"So, do you have to go to the office every day?" Juliane asked with hesitation.
"It's not an office," Jungkook let out a sigh as he leaned back on the headrest, looking up at the ceiling. "It is an art gallery. Very big. Airy. Full of natural light. And I have a whole floor space to draw or paint. But they don't need me to go in every day. They told me I could set up a workspace at home and work from there."
She hesitated with her next question but still asked. "Do you want me to convert one room into a studio?"
Jungkook straightened and gently held her hands. "Don't worry too much about those things, Eomma. I am a big boy now. I'll handle it."
Juliane knew what Jungkook meant by that. She hadn't expected that he'd get a job so soon, and so she had made up her mind that she wouldn't have to say bye to him so quickly. Sure, parents needed to part ways at some point from their children's lives, but in her case, Jungkook was special, and the only one she had. She wasn't ready to let go.
Jungkook squeezed her hand, not wanting to talk about moving either. "I am hungry, Eomma. What's for dinner?"
"Your mother made food tonight," Mr. Jeon smiled, looking at his wife with a flirtatious look.
Juliane rolled her eyes. "Stop imploring that it's not good."
"I'd eat bricks if you made them, sweetheart. I never implored anything. I am whining that you wouldn't let me eat before your son."
That caused everyone to laugh.
Jungkook felt a wave of happiness looking at his parents. No matter if his love was unrequited, at least his parents were madly in love with each other, and moments like those let him live vicariously through them.
He went to freshen up and his mother set the table along with his father. He ate with the people he loved while they talked and laughed. He loved simple and intimate dinners without house workers or butlers tending to them.
Ever since he was a kid, he had seen more staff members in the house than the family, but since he returned home, he could see that his father was doing his best to not expose him to many people, and he felt beyond thankful.
When everyone moved to their bedrooms after eating, he also went to his and reached out to the top of his shelf in the walk-in closet. He picked the golden champagne bottle that he had kept close in the facility all those years. He asked himself if today was the day he opened it. What had he achieved?
He handled himself, quite graciously, in front of Jimin today. He was proud of what he created at work, and most importantly, the simmering rage that he felt towards Jimin was gone. It did leave him feeling empty and sad, but something about not holding anger freed him from expectations. When he thought it was impossible to even try to move on from Jimin, he felt hope that he could do it after all.
He thought not many hours ago that Frans was right. He believed that he had to hide behind his anger, but anger was an emotion, if suppressed, it would burst out one day. He couldn't have hidden behind it without loving Jimin more. What he needed was not to hold on, but learn to let go, no matter how much his heart protested.
He played with the golden ribbon at the cork, thinking back to the day when Jimin had gifted him the bottle. It was the only gift he had from Jimin.
What would've been more poetic than opening it and finishing the drink to let go of the feelings he had for the man who had gifted him the bottle?
Bringing it to the kitchen, in dim lights, he sabraged the bottle and sighed as the sound of the loud pop emerged.
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10 Mar, 2025
Chapter 51: The natural disaster
Chapter Text
Ulrich
Jungkook was going to be my death.
Ever since he barreled into my life, I have counted the days until my expulsion. He had broken every single rule, did everything I asked him not to, and now... After the tornado warning, I was pacing inside my room.
It wasn't safe to even wander in the corridors. There was no network on my phone and I didn't know what to do except run for help.
I tried to call him again, but couldn't reach him. Damnit!
Why couldn't he stay put? Being gay killed brain cells, Jungkook proved that.
That wasn't right. He has been the brightest student in our class till the present day. Being in love with a man who is straight killed brain cells. Yes.
Breathing courageously with my heart in my throat, I wrapped myself in waterproof clothes and a protective helmet before running out of the dorm.
The speed of the wind was making it hard to step my foot ahead, especially with the weight of all the layers. I managed to walk to the wall and took support, struggling my way into the fifth-year dormitory elevator.
I shouldn't have used it, but my mind was fried and I pressed the button after getting in. I got stuck. Of course.
It was worthless to press the help button. I would get in more trouble if I did, so I waited it out while praying to God that I didn't die of claustrophobia.
Six minutes later, the electricity worked its magic and the door opened just enough for me to jump out.
Standing there, I breathed. I had lied to Jimin sir and that was why I couldn't go to him, but Jungkook and Taehyung sir were again in a spat, and I couldn't go to him either.
Another powerful rustle of the wind practically pushed me from my place and motivated with fear. I made my decision.
Jimin
When my door banged, I thought it was Taehyung waking up from sleep. Surprised by the weather, I discerned he must have been wanting to check on me. But I opened the door to an unfamilar and shivering figure.
At first, I couldn't distinguish who it was as most of their face was covered in a hood, but then they pushed it back.
"Ulrich?"
"I am sorry, sir. I didn't know where to go. I am sorry to disturb you at this time."
"What is it?" I asked, holding his padded shoulders immediately. "It's okay you came to me. Is everything alright?" I prompted when he didn't speak.
"Jungkook."
My throat suddenly felt dry hearing his name. "What about him?"
"He isn't back yet and I fear he must have gotten stuck somewhere."
"Back? From where?"
"I don't know. He left without telling me, but he took his travel card with him. My phone's not working right now." With his trembling hands, he tried to fish it out from under his jacket.
"When did he leave?" I asked.
"About an hour and a half ago."
I had called him an hour ago. He didn't pick up my call. Quickly I turned back to get my phone while Ulrich stood by the threshold. I dialed his number again, and he picked up. "H-hi, Jungkook." My heart raced up.
"Hyung..."
"Where are you?"
"I am at Kimchi-Noodle Bar near Dammtor station. I am stuck. Can you please tell Ulrich not to worry about me? I will come back the moment it gets better outside."
"Too late for that," I looked back to see Ulrich had crossed the threshold and was standing, nervously, trying to listen to our conversation.
"Are you safe?" I asked. "Are you somewhere inside?"
"I was inside, but I left the restaurant and I am on my way to the station."
My heart began to beat in fear. I thought about what to say to him. He was already at risk and if I were to scold him for his stupidity, it would only affect his capacity to think rationally. "You should go back, Jungkook."
"No. I am almost there. I can make it."
"No trains would be running right now," I heard myself speaking harshly. Willing myself to cool down a bit, I breathed and said. "Get under cover. There's a tornado warning issued. Do you see any place which is covered and solid?"
Ulrich was now standing beside me as I heard the line go blank. "Hello?!" I called a little too loud.
There was a distorted noise before his voice came in broken sounds. "I am... I am... In there. I can see-"
"I can't hear you properly!"
"I am saying that I see a church garage. I can get in there."
"Go there and wait. Don't get out until it clears out. Is your phone charged?"
"Yes."
"Good. Put it on battery saver, just in case."
"Okay, Hyung." He spoke slowly, probably scared. My heart beat fast. Fuck. He had to be scared.
"I'll come get you. Okay?"
It was either the line going blank again or him not speaking. "Send me your location, Jungkook."
And then the phone disconnected right before I received his live location.
Fuck this shit.
I lurked towards my wardrobe and pulled out a few pairs of clothes to get to the jackets I'd need in the terrible weather.
Ulrich watched as I got ready in a matter of seconds. "Go back to the dorm and wait for us there. If we don't come back in two hours and our phones are not working..." I raised a hand to my head, pushing the hair back and then putting on a woolen cap to cover myself before letting the waterproof jacket hood mask it. "Alert the distress team." I concluded while buttoning the flaps to keep the hood in place.
Ulrich looked torn between wanting to say something and obeying me. I eased him by squeezing his shoulder. "Jungkook is fine. We'll be okay. Don't speak to anyone until two hours. You understand?"
When he gave a painful nod, I let out a smile of security I wasn't feeling and got to the door to grab my knee-length snow boots and an extra pair of jacket for Jungkook.
**
Driving wasn't something I enjoyed. It was a necessity sometimes, but as I got out of the Uni entrance that we always used to avoid the security guards, I was sure that it was going to be the most hateful trip of my life.
The control was shaking. I had to put a lot of force on the steering wheel to keep balance. The winds were gushing so loud that I could hear the sensation inside the locked car. The leaves were blocking my view by flying and sticking to the windshield. I kept the wiper working.
Knowing the risk of a bigger object getting caught in it, I was more than scared.
After navigation for ten minutes, contracting pain began to form in my knuckles and wrists, and it radiated to my whole arms. One way to Jungkook's location would take fifteen minutes in an ideal scenario, but it wasn't ideal. I was putting all my effort to control the car's movements.
After thirty minutes, I was a little over halfway there.
But suddenly, the trees surrounding the dark road relaxed a bit, and the force I was exerting on the steering that I felt in my bones also reduced. Taking the opportunity, I floored it.
With not a vehicle in sight, I took the car as fast as I could. But it wasn't long before the force of nature won against me and slowed me down.
Cautiously, I kept pushing myself, not worrying about the pain. I skewed sharp left when a billboard came flying at me from the front, and suddenly something snapped in my head when I maneuvered the car.
I thought whatever was supposed to happen to me tonight would happen, so I pressed the accelerator.
It took a few minutes but I reached in front of the church and pulled over.
The moment I opened the car's door, wet and cold air slapped me. My skin turned so cold that it started hurting in a matter of seconds. Wheezing for breath as I clutched the spare jacket, I squinted and looked around to spot the garage.
I had to walk around into the small alleyway to find a heavy metal door on the right side of the building. Breathing heavily as rain poured down on me, I banged my palm on it as hard as I could. "JUNGKOOK! ARE YOU IN THERE?!"
All around me was a bluster of noises. I wasn't sure if he would be able to hear me. I banged again. "OPEN THE DOOR, JUNGKOOK!"
It took a few seconds, but they felt like long minutes of cold hell before Jungkook opened the gate slightly, and with the push of wind, I barged in and we both pushed the gate to close it again.
"Fucking hell," I breathed shallowly the moment we were contained. "I can't feel my hands."
Jungkook lurked towards me and I finally looked at him. Pale face, hair frizzy and slightly wet, he was shivering. He gripped my palms between his and started rubbing them vigorously while blowing hot breaths.
I let him.
The comfort I felt in the warmth rendered me motionless. I stood there, watching him fussing over me without moving a muscle. Was this love? Was he doing this because he was in love? Or was he simply scared?
After a few moments passed and as the cold began to leave my body, I gained some rigor back. Pulling away from him, I extended the jacket to Jungkook that I was clutching to my side. "How are you?"
"I am okay," he answered as he gulped, not looking okay at all as he shrugged into the sleeves.
"Wear it properly, Jungkook," I couldn't help but reach out to close his zipper. Once that was done, I also fixed his hair to put the attached hood on top of his head.
He didn't say anything. Ensuring that he was covered, I looked around to find anything that could help us on our way back. Nothing in there was helpful unless we knew how to kickstart the dead engine, in which case, we could borrow the tools.
My eye fell on a big tarp and I quickly snatched it up from the ground. In the worst case, if my windshield broke, I could cover us under that.
Jungkook silently watched my maniac hunt for scraps. "Let's go," I told him, gripping his heavily padded elbow.
He followed me silently to the gate. "Watch out, okay? The wind will push it inside. Don't get yourself hurt."
He nodded.
Before I could reach for the iron door, he gripped my elbow and pulled me back, hard. I stared at him, wide-eyed. "Can you- Can I-"
"What?"
"Can you please hug me for a moment?"
Fuck. My heart seared. In my pain and overwhelming thoughts, I forgot what he must have been feeling. I lurked towards him and pulled him in. He gripped his hands around me. With jackets between us, I couldn't feel his body.
Surely enough, he also didn't feel me, but perhaps human contact was what he needed. He had no reason to be scared, not if I were with him, and not anymore.
But he gripped me for a long time.
I didn't push him or pull him. I simply held him like a good support system. He didn't need my fear or my objections to his closeness right now. He also didn't need my judgment, and I understood that.
Relieved filled me to be the one to bring him a sense of security.
At the same time, this resentment took hold of my heart. What was it about Jungkook that I found myself getting involved in his affairs the more I wanted to run away? And because of that, we had moments like this that only two of us shared. I couldn't talk about them with anyone else, especially my best friend or my partner, and that made me feel heavy guilt like I was doing something I wasn't supposed to do, something wrong, even when I only had the purest of intentions.
What did it entail?
I was not sure of anything more than I was about my sexuality. I was not gay. And it was enough for me to validate myself that nothing I was doing with Jungkook was wrong.
Maybe it was time I learned not to hate myself for adoring Jungkook. He was a likable, young man who was full of life. Not just me, everyone felt the same way about him. And yet, I couldn't get rid of the feeling of guilt as I thought of what Taehyung might think if he knew about what happened tonight, or at the night of the party, or the night after.
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15 Mar, 2025
Chapter 52: Thick and dark rejection
Chapter Text
Jimin
It was Murphy's law that the more you fear something happening, the more likely it is to occur. I didn't believe it. But my belief system shattered as I looked at Jungkook's body in my arms, docile, pliant, relieved, and happy.
My heart was fucking pounding as I hoped that Taehyung didn't find out about us again. It took us a long time to erase our differences that shouldn't have come in between us in the first place. I didn't want to lose my friend.
But fuck. This kid. This fucking kid.
"Thank you for coming, Hyung," he mumbled. "I knew you would."
In an instant, my mind was riled up. "And why is it that you assumed that I would?" I asked, pulling myself away and looking at him with a frown on my face, having been asking the same question myself a moment ago.
"Because you care about me."
"I do care," I nodded, my brows curving up aggressively. "I am not a monster, Jungkook. I do care about people in my life. My friends. Or even strangers."
He smirked despite himself.
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"You are telling me that you would've driven all the way here for a stranger?" He accused me of something that I didn't want to be accused of.
"If Ulrich was in your place, I'd have come for him."
That made his face fall a little. He looked down, biting his bottom lip. "Am I that repulsive, Hyung?" He asked, breaking my heart into two.
All I wanted was to backpedal and safely take him back to the Uni. But I didn't. I stood there, watching him breathe heavily again.
"Do you think it's fun for me to keep asserting myself and get rejection in return? Do you think my feelings aren't valid because I am gay?"
"I didn't say that Jungkook," I argued, warning in my tone. I hated it when people played the victim card based on the minority. I didn't treat anyone differently, and I sure as fuck didn't take the blame for it.
"Then why can't you understand a simple thing?!" He was exasperated. "I thought I liked you. Now, I would agree that I might have been a little pushy and may even have made you uncomfortable in the beginning. I am so sorry for that, Hyung. You need to know that I was just a kid who hadn't seen a lot of people before, who didn't have friends, who didn't go to school. I was awkward and used to getting what I wanted, and I only knew one way and it was to go after what I wanted. I tried that with you too, but I also grew. I made friends. I realized there were other ways to express myself. And I have been trying to make you realize that. I changed myself."
My eyes were somber as I lurked towards him and my hands gripped his neck to make him look into my eyes, my clasp a little painful even. "You know I am in a relationship with someone else. Do you think you are doing the right thing?"
"Hyung," he took a step closer, and my hold on his skin burned. I couldn't move my hand away, lost in the pain he carried in his eyes. "I know how wrong I am. I thought I'd try and get you out of my head, but every time I woke up, my mind went to the thoughts of you. Every time I slept, I recalled what you wore during the day and how your cologne smelled. You grew on me like a potent drug being injected into my veins with a fast, but steady pace. When it hurt, I thought I would try to stop thinking about you, but I soon also realized that I had no control over my feelings. It's not a stupid crush. I am in love with you."
I took three steps back.
He took three steps forward, gripping my palms slowly.
He sniffled as his gaze averted to our joined hands and then went back up to my eyes. He was scared, and it would've been okay if a friend needed physical contact or assurance, but he was not just a friend, at least from his side, and no matter how much I pushed him away, he seemed to have made up his mind. "I don't know how to stop feeling for you. And I also know that I can't force you to love me. I decided before coming to the Uni this year that I'd be patient with you. But I also decided to make you realize something. If you allow me, I can prove it to you that you could be attracted to a man."
If astonishment had a face, it would've been mine as I stared at him with a slightly unhinged look and an agape mouth. I didn't know if I should have been offended, or intrigued, or both. He thought I could be gay? Me? A man who could throw up at the idea of being with another man.
There was no challenge in his eyes, but an urge. That at least kept me from strangling his neck. What would make him leave me alone? Or better. What would make him hate me? I didn't take Jungkook's adamance seriously last year, but it was time I did something. Taehyung was right. Jungkook was the most stubborn person I'd ever known.
I would give anyone anything if they gave me a sure-shot formula on how to get Jungkook's feelings for me out of his head once and for all. "You think I am gay, Jungkook?" I asked with a calm I wasn't feeling.
"No," he shook his head. "I am simply asking you to keep an open mind for me. I am your friend, right? You'd do a favor to help a friend in pain. Won't you? If you are sure you could never be attracted to me, what have you got to lose?"
Jungkook
His eyes looked away and his throat bobbed, the action so quick that I would've missed it if I blinked or weren't close. He pushed me back a little and breathed in the space. He breathed for a good minute and my nerves started frying the more he didn't speak.
Wiping the bizarre look on his face, he brought on the best sympathetic expression he could. "Jungkook," he called my name and even his tone was dipped in empathy. No. I hated being let down slowly. "Could you be maybe mistaking your feelings for me?"
"Did you hear any of what I just said?" I asked, impatience making me edgy. There was no way this all-consuming feeling was one-sided. There was no way he didn't feel anything for me. Or was I reading his actions all wrong? "I told you how my days and nights are distributed. I know what I feel. You can't love me back. Okay. But don't disrespect my feelings. You have no right."
He looked down and the long silence once again stretched. The cons tumbled in his head. His resolve paved as he sighed either dejectedly or determinedly. "And you get to disrespect mine?"
"I would never."
"Oh," he laughed mockingly. "But you already did. You know I am loyal to her. I am in a relationship with her. But what you asked of me. If it wasn't disrespecting not only my character but also my feelings, then what was it?"
I felt my face scrunching so suddenly at his words as I realized he was right. I lurked towards him, but he raised his finger. "I am unable to give you what you seek. I'll never be able to give you what you need from me."
"What if you weren't in a relationship? Would you have given it a thought?" I said in a monotone, my heart aching.
"I have plans, Jungkook. I want to get out of here. I want to do something meaningful with my life. I have places to see. I have money to earn. I want a big family someday. My own child. Something of my own that I'd protect. I want to be a father. I want to be a husband. Like you have dreams of a big house, I imagine a wife in my future."
He was pressing my heart under his feet, squeezing it, but I clung to the thing that maybe he also didn't realize. He didn't take Rose's name in that sentence.
I had nothing to say to that. Maybe I truly was an idiot. Maybe I really did read his actions wrong. The way he opened up to me despite having reservations about the idea of being friendly with other Asian juniors at the cost of being called out for favoritism, the way he let the nervous me audition for the dance in the end when all the students were gone, the way he took care of me and let me hold him after the dorm caught on fire, the way his face turned red when he saw me without a shirt or when I saw him without one, the way he asked me the reason why was I angry like he needed to know when the Uni re-opened after the long vacation and he hadn't texted me over the holidays, the way he made sure I was okay after falling in the dance class, the way he fought for me with the seniors without having a second thought, the way he was jealous when I didn't tell him it was my birthday party or how he looked at me that evening, or the way he came running to save me right now. How could all this just be kindness? How could all this be just my imagination? I refused to believe it. But really. What could I say to him telling me he wanted a wife and his own child? Was this it? The end of my beginning.
It was hard for him to shrug me off as an inconvenience. For me, I couldn't breathe easy. I couldn't envision the next day in which Jimin wasn't present. No.
I knew I wasn't a fool. I knew what I saw. Those small moments. He might not have loved me, but the way he looked at me sometimes with a battle in his eyes like he hated to look at me but still couldn't help it, or the way he blushed in embarrassment in my vicinity. I made him nervous. I knew he wasn't aware of those things himself, but those were the moments that made me want to see it through to the end. The same things that made me believe that I could have a chance. Were those also just an illusion of mind?
"You are really young, Kook. I know you think this will never happen again, but trust me, you have all your life in front of you and you'll find the right man. You'll find a better man."
I sucked in my teeth, letting out a breath. An intense headache stung from inside of my temples and I felt worn out all of a sudden. Despite wanting to argue, I turned around and walked back to the gate.
The storm around me did nothing to the dreadful silence that came onto me. I kept moving towards the blue, familiar car and found Jimin following me. He gripped my elbow and pushed me towards the door.
The wind was too strong, and I didn't realize it. He was holding my hand out of necessity. Once we were inside the car, he fumbled around and turned up the heat. The sensation of warmth was pleasant, but I couldn't welcome it in my state.
He burned the ignition and I looked back at the garage. As the car started moving and we went farther and farther away, I wondered if what just happened in there was also an illusion. With the darkness mixing in the night and my mind, I knew that he wasn't going to acknowledge a single thing about tonight ever in the future. I also knew that I was badly stuck between Jimin and my future. There was no one choice for me without having the other. It was a need. A need Jimin didn't understand.
I closed my eyes and let my thoughts wander back to the day we went out for dinner and I watched him smile. Those beautiful lips had stretched and his straight white teeth shone the brightest out of every artificial light. Every time Jimin smiled, my heart stopped and my senses keened on him to admire. But now, I doubted he would ever let me have one of his smiles.
Misery was only another cratering dip in the roller coaster of emotions that I'd endured during the day. All I wanted to do was sleep through the week, but I should've known better. My life wasn't my own anymore, and my week was far from over.
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20 Mar, 2025
Chapter 53: Million feelings just for one
Chapter Text
Jungkook
I hated God who made Jimin and then decided for me to be born at the same time, meet him, and suffer. I was now an atheist.
Jimin was behaving normally, and I knew it was to keep the harmony of the group intact more than anything. He even patted my back and laughed this morning in the cafeteria after Ulrich joked about me, the same Ulrich who gave me an earful before helping me get dry last night. Though we both went to sleep feeling closer to each other than we did in the past. I didn't want to take our friendship for granted.
I knew I couldn't have a better friend than Ulrich, and I wanted to celebrate that, but my heart was hurt and otherwise occupied. I had a million feelings for just Jimin, and when it hurt, it hurt. My chest was heavy the moment we left the garage last night. I thought it would improve like it always did, but it didn't.
As I breathed, I couldn't inhale too long for the fear that my chest would catch fire. Was I dying? Seeing myself struggle. For him. The one I would never have. Everyday. It would be worth it if I did die.
I walked into the class, looking around at sparsely seated students with familiar faces. I didn't care about any one of them. Ulrich pulled my arm when I crossed our usual front seats. "Where are you going?"
"I wanna sit in the back today," I told him slowly, feeling like my chest would give out if I spoke too loud.
"No way," he pushed me back and down on the desk. "You've been absent for too long. This has to end now."
I looked at him, his auburn and doll-like thin hair flying around airily. He was blinking rapidly while taking out the books from his bag. I shifted my gaze to my bag and pulled out a notebook. "Do you have extra pens?"
"Yeah," without looking at me, he scrambled for a few seconds before presenting one to me.
I took it silently and clicked it until the tip of the ink protruded at the front. I went through the motions when the professor came and taught us about the anti-hypertensives and anatomy of blood vessels. It wasn't tough. At least from what I heard, I knew I would be able to self-study later.
My whole focus was on Jimin's words and how distressed he looked when he said that I was mistaking my feelings, or how his eyes had a longing when he said that he wanted a wife and a child of his own.
God dammit! The pain spiked. I clutched my chest and closed my eyes.
Ulrich's body went into full alert. "What's wrong?" He asked slowly.
"I don't feel well." I let out with a quivering breath.
"Do you need to go to the medical room?" He asked, closing his notebook.
"What's going on?!" The professor asked, stopping the lecture.
"Jungkook's not well." Ulrich stood up.
As if my body were waiting for the chaos to ensue, it let go. My face turned hot and I started sweating. The pain increased, and I took choppy breaths. The classmates turned insignificant blobs. I tried to inhale, but it felt like my throat was closing in on me. My motor movements were long gone, but before I could fall back, Ulrich and two other boys gripped my arms and lifted me. I heard them huffing and grunting as they carried me out.
After the tornado, the skies were clear and it was bright and sunny. I felt the cold air as well as the welcoming sun on my face. At that moment, the only thought in my mind was that I wanted to see my parents. I was sure I was going to die.
I was led into the medical room while I was still conscious. There was an in-house doctor, a nurse, and a student volunteer who looked over the medical conditions of urgent cases. I heard them telling the boys to get out so they could check me out. While the senior student took my clothes off, the nurse began to take my vitals.
I shivered, feeling cold all of a sudden. The doctor kindly covered me under the thick duvet and started talking to the nurse. I couldn't understand their indistinct murmur, too low for my ears. I curled up, wanting someone to hold my hand. I would've even accepted Taehyung Hyung at that moment. I needed to feel safe. And all of a sudden, I got a fit of crying as I realized that it would never be Jimin who'd hold my hand.
I began to sob, my chest unable to contain the pain. It spread all over my arm and then my head. The doctor held me down, injecting me with something.
I cried and screamed.
Not before long, I found my eyes drooping as everything turned lighter, and the darkness brought relief.
Jimin
I sat inside the medical room, looking at Jungkook's figure hidden under the duvet. Taehyung was sitting beside him on the patient bed. Ulrich was on the floor, reading from the book, and Rose was taking a seat beside me.
The news of a student falling sick spread fast. It didn't take us long to know that it was a second-year student, and then Taehyung called Ulrich, and he confirmed it was none other than Jungkook.
We were all in the class at the time. I told Taehyung I would go with him. I needed to see Jungkook myself. And Rose followed me. As a result, now we were all waiting for Jungkook to wake up.
I couldn't have ignored the feeling of regret that washed all over me that I might have been the reason he was suffering. We talked last night, and he fell sick today. Co-incidence? I thought not. I only hoped he was doing better. Guilt was an interesting feeling. It affected everyone differently under different circumstances.
I might not have the same feelings for Jungkook that he had for me, but I felt something for him. And that something was the reason I was fucking scared. Without wanting to, I was playing with his health, his life.
Jungkook stirred and Taehyung gasped, immediately standing up and backing away, not wanting to overwhelm him. "Hey, buddy," he called when Jungkook let out a painful moan. "How are you feeling?"
He opened his eyes and blinked at Taehyung. His neck craned to see me. I lowered my eyes, unable to look at him. He reached out his hand for Ulrich, who was already on his feet. The boy sauntered closer to Jungkook and captured his palm. "It still hurts," he said, letting out another constricted breath. His eyes averted to Taehyung, and he mumbled. "I can't breathe."
Taehyung sprang into action to bring the doctor back. I stood up, and so did Rose. I knew Jungkook wouldn't appreciate seeing her there, so I stood close to the bed, not giving Rose any space to come into his view. "What happened, Jungkook?" I asked in an amicable voice, careful not to sound too friendly or a little harsh.
I was almost certain he wouldn't talk to me, but he did. "My chest won't stop hurting."
"Since when is this happening?"
"Since we returned from the garage." He didn't hesitate to speak the truth. Rose stiffened behind me. She had no clue about what happened, but I was thankful that she understood that it wasn't the right time to talk about any of that. I'd also have to lie to her, or at least, hide some things from our conversation earlier.
The doctor came in with Taehyung and I stepped back. I was thankful for their presence because I didn't know what to say to Jungkook after that. They said some things. I remained dazed. Knowing that I couldn't look too out of it in front of Rose, I focused back on the conversation and heard Ulrich saying, "but he doesn't have a GP."
"GP?" I asked.
"Yeah. I told Jungkook to register for one, but he said he wouldn't need it."
I dared to take one more look at him. His face was pale, lips dry, his features tight with pain. "I could talk to my doctor for emergency care."
"Except that it's too late and we will have to wait for the morning," Taehyung asserted.
All of us started thinking, including the doctor. "I have a few friends, but they are not the specialists. He needs to see a specialist with a proper setup. He also needs an MRI to see what is the problem."
"My father can see Jungkook," Rose sliced the silence that fell after the doctor's statement. "I can talk to him now. He's a cardiologist. He'll check him. In fact, anyone from my family can do a proper examination and treatment."
To say that everyone in the room except the doctor was shocked was an understatement. Ulrich and Rose didn't gel, it was no secret. I didn't know the reason why, but the truth wasn't hidden from my eyes. Taehyung knew Rose wasn't Jungkook's fan. She told me that she had talked to him about her concern related to Jungkook with Tae. And I- I was more in awe than shock. I knew I was in a relationship with her because she shared some of my traits, but seeing her come for this, my respect for her increased.
"Yeah," I said. "We will arrange a carrier to take Jungkook. You talk to your Dad."
"Okay," she took out her phone and I walked out, Taehyung and Ulrich following close behind.
Rosenow
"Here," I moved closer to Jungkook, and he looked at me like I was someone he didn't expect to be there in his lifetime. I tried to give him a warm padding for his chest.
"I don't need it."
I sighed, taking his arm and holding it up. I gently put the padding on his chest and lowered his arm. "I know you don't like me, Jungkook. But I am not your enemy. If you were in my place, you would've done everything in your power to ensure that you don't lose your man."
That made his eyes stuck on my face. I smiled slightly. "I know you had a thing for Jimin or... Whatever. I am not here to reprimand you. I trust Jimin. And you need to get well."
"I'll be fine." He said like a petulant child, even when his breaths came out wheezing.
"Don't be dramatic, Jungkook. I am not doing you any favor if that's what you think. You are my friend's friend, and they care about you. I am doing this for them."
When he didn't say anything... "Good," I stepped away from him. "Try to take a rest and don't think about anything. If I were you, I'd let people take care of me. Be smart. I know you are."
He spun his face away from me. I turned around and was about to walk away when I heard his small voice. "Thank you."
"You are welcome, Jungkook." I stopped, craned my neck, and couldn't help but smile. It felt good to help someone in need. If I wasn't sure before, I was now to know how correct I was to have chosen this path for my career ahead.
I hoped I'd become a good doctor someday.
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29 Mar, 2025
Chapter 54: Heart wants what it wants
Chapter Text
Jungkook returned to his small stool he had placed at the same spot he did on his first day at work, after opening a window. The fresh air seemed light and pleasant as it licked his skin. He closed his eyes, convincing himself he needed a break.
The steps of someone climbing made him look behind, and when he saw Mingyu, his lips stretched a little. It was his fourth day at work. On his second day, he had finished up 'newborn teenager.' It was hung neatly by the entrance for the bypassers to see through the glass walls.
But when he tried on his third day to come up with something, he felt a mind block, and the fourth day was almost finished and he couldn't do anything.
"Couldn't think of anything?" Mingyu teased, settling himself on the floor beside Jungkook.
"I don't understand. I never ran out of creativity before."
"Did you try looking through the windows?"
"I zoned out when I did."
"It's okay," Mingyu patted Jungkook's thigh. "The good thing is that the boss doesn't give a target. Maybe you made your own version of 'The Last Supper'. It's totally okay not to paint anything for a few weeks."
"I know," Jungkook let out a breath. He couldn't tell Mingyu that painting helped him let his sentiments out. Maybe that was why after he had poured all his feelings onto a canvas, he felt lighter after years on his first day at work. It also helped him let go of some of the anger that was blocking him.
After rebuilding his life for six years, he liked to think that he has become independent and resilient. The worst thing the anger was doing was that he was becoming vulnerable again and that endangered reopening old wounds by allowing Jimin to control him. It was stepping backward. He'd decided to move forward.
He could feel a buzz. He wanted to do something with the brushes to test the theory that it was painting that was helping him. It was his source of inspiration and an outlet for intense emotions, and without it, the sense of agitation was building inside him again, making his cortisol levels shoot up.
"And you also realize that you don't have to come here every day. Don't you?"
"I like it better if I come to work."
"But I don't. And I have to come too because of you!" Mingyu whined.
"Why?" Jungkook chuckled softly. "Afraid I'll break something in here?"
"I mean-" Mingyu leaned back and relaxed with his palms against the floor. "It's not like you'll break my things. I am only a manager. But "boss" told me to keep you company."
"Why?" Jungkook asked, knowing the biggest betrayal in the room was coming from his own heart that roared so easily.
"He said you are new, and I have to take care of you. He feels responsible for his employees, you know. Maybe after lunch that day, he thinks you are too..."
"Too what?"
"I don't know... Shy?"
That caused Jungkook to stifle a secretive smile. If Jimin were to use a word to describe him, it would never be 'shy.' Nonetheless, he tried to forget the ticklish feeling inside him.
He picked up the paint holder and squeezed out four tubes of colors. Mingyu watched as he dabbed one small and one big brush into pink and yellow. As he got to work, he forgot that he had company and immersed himself in the process.
He only realized he was far too gone when darkness began to dominate the skies. The swatches on the canvas were confusing. Some of them were dark accents and some were bright and positive. When he looked at it as a whole, he couldn't understand how was he going to complement them with each other.
With concentration broken, he needed to re-strategize. "Mingyu-ssi?" He called out, wiping his hands with the cotton kerchief and getting up.
"In the cafeteria!" The man hollered from downstairs. "You done yet?"
Jungkook's steps coming downstairs gave the other man the answer. "Ready to go?" He asked.
"Yeah... I am sorry. I lost track of time and you got stuck because of me."
Mingyu took out a chocolate from the fridge and tossed it at Jungkook. The latter caught it, and the former stood up from the high chair. "It's okay. I utilized the time."
"How so?" Jungkook tore the wrapper and had a bite.
"I had to tidy up the storage inventory and place the order in the system. Since I wasn't coming here often, I seldom had a chance to do it. But I finished almost everything today. Tomorrow will be more relaxing."
"Cool."
"Do you wanna go have some drinks and dinner? It's late anyway."
Jungkook could've used a friend, but after thinking for a moment, he decided that having a friend who was also connected to Jimin wasn't a good idea. What would they talk about? It wasn't like he could freely tell him about his past. And his present was more fucked up than the devastations left in the wake of a bomb attack.
Besides, he wanted to eat with his family. "Sorry. I eat with my family these days. I was away for a long time. Now that I am staying with my parents for some time, I try not to be absent from the meals. Maybe some other time?"
"No problem. We have a team dinner coming up soon, either way." Mingyu stood up, grabbing his bag from the counter.
"What team dinner?" Jungkook asked, knowing that Jimin would also join.
"We generally have team dinners every three months with the corporate. The bigger team. You'll enjoy it."
Jungkook doubted that. "Does Jimin-ssi come?"
"Yeah," Mingyu looked at Jungkook like he was crazy. "Who else would pay for the food?"
"Makes sense," Jungkook mumbled.
"Also, I saw your birthday is coming in three months. All of us have to bring a cake. It's an unofficial rule we created within the organization."
"Is that so?" Jungkook smiled.
"Yeah. Don't forget the cake at any cost."
**
Jimin fixed the height of his desk to better accommodate his laptop. His assistant had convinced him to buy new ergonomic furnishings for his offices. He could smell the disinfectant on the hospital floors as he looked over the medical equipment tenders he'd received from various MedTech companies. There was a freedom in his mind he felt after years, helping him focus better on work.
"Dr. Park," one of the nurses knocked on the door, and he pulled his gaze from the laptop screen. "There's an urgent case and we need your guidance."
"Accident?" He asked, getting up quickly.
"Gunshot wound."
"Have the police been alerted?" He asked, shutting the laptop and rushing out of the office to get to the ICU floor.
The nurse affirmed. "Yes, doctor."
Jimin only focused on reaching the ICU as quickly as he could and stormed towards the door. He took a second to adjust to the dark room with focused lights on the patient. From the operation prep table, a nurse picked gloves and a mask. He took them to put them on himself, seamlessly after he'd done the motion a million times before.
The doctor on duty stepped back a little, letting Jimin take a closer look. "Walk me through it, doctor," Jimin asked, hands already going to the robotic arm that held numerous metal equipment to assist in the surgery.
As the other doctor began to tell him about the ruptured vein and a blockage of blood flow to the patient's lungs, Jimin understood what he needed to do.
With the precision of a magician, he took the bullet out without grazing the ruptured vein, which was already losing a lot of blood. He directed one nurse to give the patient the drugs while directing the other to monitor the oxygen. The surgery attendant suctioned the blood and cleaned up the patient.
He couldn't tell how much time had passed, but when he stopped and realized the sensation in his feet, he estimated that he had performed the surgery for at least two hours.
Letting the other doctor take over to wrap up the patient's open wounds, he walked out more exhausted than he normally would. His first thought while walking out of the ICU was always of pride. Despite loathing his career, it felt great to help save people's lives. But today, instead of feeling pride, he felt empty, thoughts returning to that void that Jungkook created in his arrival's wake.
He didn't escape Jungkook's memories for the last six years. He thought once he found the boy, he'd be at ease, but he was more restless than ever. He still couldn't believe that Jungkook was working for him.
He returned to the office and opened the second laptop he used to handle the corporate side of the art gallery. Jungkook didn't have a desk job, so he wasn't given a company laptop, but his credentials were still created in the company, and Jimin found himself hovering over Jungkook's name, looking at the small picture the younger male had sent them after the interview process.
He had been sure that Jungkook wouldn't take the job with him, but when he'd received an e-mail from the manager that they had finalized hiring Jungkook, he couldn't speak for a day because introspections overwhelmed him.
He asked so many questions himself that he wanted to ask Jungkook, knowing the latter wasn't willing to talk to him at all.
Picking up his desk phone, he buzzed at the reception. "I will be out for the rest of the day."
"Sure, doctor," the woman's voice reverberated through the phone, and Jimin put the receiver down, getting up quickly to go home and try to stop thinking about Jungkook.
**
Jungkook was walking back home after refusing Mingyu's offer to drive him home. He heard a voice calling his name.
"Jungkook?"
The voice caused the young man to take a deep breath and stop walking. He was hearing that voice after years, but there wasn't an ounce of doubt in recognizing it. The heavy, husky timbre belonged to none other than Kim Taehyung.
His legs felt funny, a tickle running up and down his thighs. He debated whether to turn around or stay put, but his neck craned on its own, and he looked at the beautiful man with striking features standing face to face.
"Hy-Hyung," his voice turned choppy. He gulped, not knowing what to do.
When Taehyung leaned in and hugged him in a tight hold Jungkook wrapped his arms around the older's waist, smelling him in.
He could feel Taehyung's sincerity in his hold. It was so tight that he couldn't move. In that hug, Taehyung poured his insecurities and fear and it transcended to Jungkook. He didn't dare to pull away even when he found people's eyes on them as they bypassed them on the road.
"Oh, Jungkook. Jungkook.... Fuck." Taehyung mumbled, his fingers disappearing in Jungkook's hair as he held his head with one hand and the other wrapped around his waist. "I have looked for you everywhere. Everywhere, Jungkook. You shouldn't have left me like that."
Jungkook's eyes watered and he rested his cheek against the older male's shoulder, his fingers gripping Taehyung's shirt so tight that he pulled the fabric up from its tucked-in position.
He forgot about the present for a moment and the past became so vivid that he relived everything in a matter of minutes. Starting from his first day at the Uni to his last day in Germany in a hospital, he visualized his laughter, Jimin's rare smiles, Ulrich's scared face, Taehyung's emotions, their dance practices, the football club, the gym sessions, the swim classes, and the part-time Jobs.
It choked him.
He couldn't speak, couldn't breathe as memory kept building. When the bubbling emotions burst, he let out a soft sob. His shoulders shook as he crumbled in his Hyung's hold, feeling warm, safe, and blue.
Taehyung took care of Jungkook, pulling away from him to wipe his tears.
When Jungkook barely managed to stop weeping, he held the man's palm and walked to his car. "Let's go somewhere to talk."
It jolted Jungkook out of his reverie. He didn't want to talk. He wasn't ready to revisit his past. He was spent emotionally, and he wanted to go have a family dinner before sleeping. "Not tonight," Jungkook said in a small voice, feeling like a little boy again who was taken care of by the man standing in front of him.
"When?" Taehyung held his palms, looking at his face with a desperate gaze.
"I don't know... But I will call you," Jungkook answered genuinely, ignorant of the fact that Taehyung had been stalking him.
Taehyung didn't want to leave Jungkook, not when he had finally held him as he did. Despite his protests, he knew Jungkook was sensitive still and he needed to do things on the younger's terms. "Okay. At least let me drive you home."
"No," Jungkook spoke quickly.
"I'll not ask you anything," Taehyung gripped Jungkook's palms tighter, not wanting to leave him. "We will ride in silence. I promise."
Jungkook looked at Taehyung's car and saw his driver. "Please." Taehyung pleaded before he could reject.
The younger looked down and nodded.
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4 Apr, 2025
Chapter 55: Urgent trip to Bremen
Chapter Text
Jimin
We were in an ambulance, Ulrich holding Jungkook's hand as Taehyung, Rose, and I sat near the lying teenager, who was whimpering in pain. The roads were smooth, and vehicles gave way to us easily. At the rate we were going, it would take another hour to reach Bremen, where Rose's and Ulrich's families lived.
No one spoke except Ulrich, who was trying to divert Jungkook from his pain. Taehyung looked in pain, Rose was silent and observing, and I? I was mulling over remorse and thick, black guilt.
Why did I have to say all that to him? Jungkook was part of our circle, whether I liked it or not, and he mattered to us. Listening to him talk about the love he had for me was a different thing, but seeing him suffering because of it was another. It gave weight to how he was linked to me, and it was my responsibility to make sure that he was fine, now more than ever.
I shifted in my seat, and Rose stood up, bending at her waist so she wouldn't hit her head on the low ceiling. I watched as she sat near Ulrich, monitoring Jungkook's condition.
Taehyung also followed her and crowded Jungkook, talking to him in a soft voice, telling him that he would be fine, and then he would take him shopping and ice skating. Jungkook laughed at Taehyung's comment.
I placed my head on the metal wall of the vehicle and waited for it to be over soon. I would never be able to forgive myself if anything happened to Jungkook. "Should we call his father?" I asked, making everyone silent as they turned their gazes to me. The more they thought, the more I could discern that it made sense to them.
Jungkook shook his head. "My father is a busy man. And if he comes here, he will bring me back home. My mother would fuss over me more than she should. I don't want to see them yet."
I nodded, respecting his decision for now, but the moment we heard from the doctor, I was making that call without a second thought.
He was breathing painfully, but it was tolerable, unlike how it had been in the morning. "I am cold," Jungkook mumbled.
Before I knew it, I took off my jacket and then thought better of it. Handing it to Taehyung, who was dressed only in a thin pullover top, bare underneath, I sat back. He took the jacket and placed it on Jungkook's chest. "That better?" He asked softly.
Jungkook's eyes met mine, and he nodded, squirming to tuck himself in as best as he could. I looked away, tired and hungry.
"Close your eyes. Try to sleep, Jungkook." Rose advised the boy.
The in-house doctor at the Uni had given him a shot which had curbed that pain, but its effectiveness was wearing off as the minutes ticked by.
Jungkook listened, inhaling deeply and closing his eyes. I remained in my seat, the exchange from last night prickling in my skull over and over.
Counting every minute and feeling thankful to be closer to our destination, my body revived with new strength.
When we reached the hospital and the ambulance stopped under the big billboard with the hospital's name, the staff rushed to us. We all helped get Jungkook out of the ambulance and onto the wheelchair as the nurses scurried him away.
Ulrich and Rose ran behind Taehyung, who gripped the wheelchair from one side. I was the only one who remained behind, walking fast, but not fast enough to step in with Jungkook.
Ultimately, I reunited with everyone waiting in the lobby. Jungkook had been taken inside. Ulrich and Taehyung were sitting on a bench. I stood beside Rose and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. She turned to me, flashing a small smile. "Does anyone want coffee?" I asked, looking at the two males.
Ulrich would've said no, but Taehyung nodded, making me nod as well. "Walk with me," I asked Rose, wanting to talk to her. She was respectful to me by not bringing up the subject, but it was my duty to inform her now that we had some time. "About yesterday, I went to pick Jungkook up because he was stuck in the storm with no means to return."
"Jimin," she took a deep breath, her voice even and eyes blinking fast at the ground before she directed her gaze at me. "You don't have to explain it to me. You do a lot of things with Taehyung during the day. You don't keep me informed about all of it. You also don't need to tell me everything about Jungkook. He's just a friend."
"I know, but..." I argued, knowing she was bothered and insecure about Jungkook, having talked to Taehyung about that, too. "I don't want you to think that anything happened."
"I trust you, Jimin," she turned to me to hold my palms. Her thumbs caressed my skin. "It was unfair when I suspected you when you've never given me a reason to doubt you. I respect you and trust you, and I know you'll never hurt me. You don't have to explain yourself to me every time Jungkook breathes near you. It's his problem, not yours."
I hugged her. On one hand, I loved that she was so understanding and mature, but on the other hand, I felt a slight pang inside me at the words she used for Jungkook. Given that the boy was nothing more than a friend, I was still protective of him. I didn't say anything to Rose because I knew her feelings toward him might have been valid.
We stood there for long minutes before she pulled away. "Let's go before my father sees us on security cameras. This is not the first impression I want of you."
I laughed slowly, and we began to walk towards the vending machine. I had forgotten completely about meeting Rose's father. I had talked to him a couple of times over the phone, and also to his wife, Rose's mother. That was how they had invited me over to talk about my future, but I hadn't been ready to meet them yet.
As I walked holding Rose's hand, I still felt unsure about meeting them. In my head, it was all too soon. I wanted to meet them when I was ready, probably after graduation, after I'd secured a residency, but I also understood where they were coming from.
Their daughter had been in a serious relationship for five years, and they wanted to see if the guy she was dating was thinking about possible marriage. In honesty, I wasn't ready for that, and that was the reason I didn't dare to face them.
Guess I had no choice then. I was at least going to see her father.
Grabbing a few snacks and two cups of coffee, we walked back to the lobby.
Ulrich devoured the unhealthy snacks while Taehyung and Rose shared one packet. I didn't feel like eating Nachos, so I sipped the tasteless coffee. At least it was good to pry my sleep away, if not tasty.
My phone rang, and I looked down at the screen to see the Uni doctor calling. Rose furrowed her brows in question. "It's Dr. Braan," I said and clicked on the key to answer.
Taehyung
Jimin explained to Dr. Braan that Jungkook was in the examination room as he spoke. I remained in my seat, my butt losing sense after having sat for at least eight straight hours.
I needed to walk a little bit, but didn't feel like leaving. Jimin concluded his phone call and then sat near Rose. Ulrich leaned back on the wall and, with a slightly open mouth, snored in my face. I shook my head, pushing his jaws together to shut his mouth.
We waited for a few minutes before Ulrich's mother and sister appeared. As the woman began to wake her son up, we stood up.
Ulrich opened his eyes, disheveled, and stood up as well, a smile coming to his face as he hugged his mother.
"Du hättest nach Hause kommen sollen, mein Sohn" she chided in German softly. [You should have come home, son.]
"Jungkook ist immer noch da drin," Ulrich told her slowly. [Jungkook is still in there]
We weren't sure if she spoke English, so all we also greeted her in German as well. "Hallo," she turned to us, beaming at Rose at recognition. "Wir wohnen in der Nähe. Kommen Sie mit uns und ruhen Sie sich ein wenig aus. Ich habe auch Abendessen gemacht. Wir können für Jungkook zurückkommen, sobald er fertig ist." [Hello...We live nearby. Come with us and rest for a little bit. I also made dinner. We can come back for Jungkook once he is done.]
"Es ist kein Problem," I told her. "Wir wollen auf Jungkook warten. Wir würden uns auch nicht einmischen wollen." [It's no problem...We want to wait for Jungkook. We wouldn't want to intrude either.]
Ulrich turned to face me when her mother struggled for words. "My house isn't far. Five minutes on foot," he then looked at Jimin. "We can at least use the clean restroom there. The MRI will last an hour and a half. We will be back before it finishes."
Rose turned to greet her aunt and said something in a slow tone, which I didn't hear. I looked at Jimin for help, who shrugged. He looked tired, so I gave in. "Okay," I nodded at the kind woman who had the same colored auburn hair as Ulrich.
"Yess!" Ulrich's little sister, who mustn't have been older than nine, raised her celebratory fist in the air. "Lass uns gehen, Bruder." [Let's go home, brother!]
I couldn't help a smile. Although it was practical to utilize the time to freshen up while Jungkook got his examinations done, it felt wrong to leave him all alone in the hospital. Jimin's face also had the same apprehension, which I could read easily.
"I'll leave first, Jimin," Rose turned to tell Jimin. "You guys go ahead. I will go home. I called Mom, and she is expecting me."
Jimin nodded. She waved at me. "I will see you guys tomorrow."
I air-saluted her. "See you."
We walked out of the hospital while Rosenow took the elevator to go to the basement to take her father's car home.
"We can run back in two minutes if Jungkook needs us," Jimin bumped his shoulder to mine, needing to eliminate my worry.
I laughed slowly, thankful for his friendship.
We walked out in the cold. I shivered just as the temperature nipped at my skin, wrapping both arms around me. Jimin had worn his jacket after Jungkook left it in the ambulance.
Not focusing on the cold, I kept walking. Before long, we were in a small, warm haven.
Ulrich's house wasn't big, but it was modern and small, with all the necessary amenities one needed to live comfortably. His mother indicated for us to take a seat in the living room, behind which was an open kitchen.
Ulrich showed us the bathroom. Jimin went first while I sat down, rubbing my hands together to heat them. By the time Jimin returned, I smelled the delicious aroma of meat.
Ulrich's mother was heating the food while the boy helped her in the kitchen. The sight warmed my heart. My mother never knew how to cook, and my father was too big of a tyrant to cook anything for me or my siblings. We always had food prepared by maids.
I went to pee, my stomach already rioting against my wish not to eat. Washing my face and hands made me feel lighter. When I returned to the living room, the plates were set with huge sandwiches and a side of homemade fries.
"Möchten Sie zum Abendessen ein Bier trinken?" Ulrich's baby sister appeared beside. "Papa nimmt mich immer. [Do you want to take a beer with your dinner? Daddy always take one.]
"Amelie!" Ulrich scolded. "Geh in dein Zimmer und lerne." [Amelie... Go to your room and study.]
"Nien," she shook her head and then giggled. "Your friend is very handsome. I want to talk to him." [No. Your friend is very handsome. I want to talk to him.]
"AMELIE!" Ulrich turned crimson in mortification as he yelled at her. She jumped back up on the couch and down from the unapproachable end, running away from Ulrich as he chased her.
I turned to see my friend, who had held his stomach as he laughed away.
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17 Apr, 2025
Chapter 56: Indebted and owed to change his mind
Chapter Text
Jimin
We appreciated Ulrich's mother's hospitality more than anything. Germans mostly kept to themselves, but a few broke the norm. After being fed, she brought us warm clothes to cover up. I thanked her before we headed back to the hospital.
Ulrich could've stayed in the comfort of his house, but he chose not to leave his friend's side. Jungkook had spoken highly of Ulrich, and I knew how the boy had been helping him, but their friendship went deeper than the fun banter or serious study sessions, and I felt happy for both of them in equal measure, knowing how much one needed a good friend in life.
I was one lucky bastard in the friendship department, no matter if it was the opposite when it came to my family. Reaching the hospital before the examination ended, all of us sat down to wait.
And wait, we did.
I could see worry palpable on the other two boys' faces. I only hoped I was masking my regret well. I doubted that there was anyone who wanted Jungkook to come out unscathed more than I.
Being a medical student meant that one couldn't afford to fall sick and fall back on studies, and Jungkook was a model one. Not only did he have a reputation to maintain with grades, but he was also a part of the dancing and football committees.
The extracurriculars hadn't started yet. They usually did after the semester break, but football practice was something that Wolfgang was strict about. He made the boys play all year round. We also didn't object because it was a mode of physical outlet, helping us keep fit physically and release pressure mentally.
I contemplated how much this was going to push Jungkook back to catch up.
Jungkook
The whirring and loud clanks of the machine stopped after what felt like eons. My whole body was stiff when the table of the MRI machine slid out of the magnetic bore. I breathed better, seeing the high ceilings.
The disruption of the noises seemed to have faded my pain a bit. I couldn't feel it too much, but then again, I was given an emergency shot before they put me in for diagnosis.
My head was spinning when they called Ulrich in, and he grinned at me, rushing and holding me to walk back to the general room. " How are you feeling now?" He asked, handing me my clothes.
"I don't know," I answered, really not knowing.
"Pain better?"
"I think so," I nodded, putting on my pants first. Then, taking off the hospital gown, I shrugged into my shirt and then a woolen sweater.
"You'll be better soon, Jungkook. Mom sent you food. Are you hungry?"
"Whose Mom?" I looked up at him, thinking he was talking about Rose's mother. But then why would he call her Mom? Thinking of Rose reminded me of how she has been there for me since yesterday. It could've been that she didn't want to leave Jimin alone around me, or maybe she was there for her boyfriend more than me, but what she did for me also couldn't be ignored. She showed me kindness, which moved me in a way that left a bitter taste in my mouth.
If our roles were reversed, I probably wouldn't have given her the same treatment, or maybe I would've. I didn't know. But she took the first step and became a bigger person. I couldn't stomach it. I was owed, and I didn't like to be in debt.
"My Mom, dumbhead."
I blinked. "Your Mom? Is she here?"
"She was. Our house is only a few hundred meters from here. We went home and ate before coming back. If you want, we can go back there now."
"What about the results?" I asked, pointing back at the main room.
"Uncle will give us a call. We can come back. Or if you are comfortable here, we can stay, too."
My thoughts shifted, and I didn't know why my throat felt so tight that it started to hurt. Ulrich was my friend, but not his mother. Despite that, she helped. "I wouldn't want to bother her, Ulrich. It's pretty late now."
"You need rest," Ulrich said in a tone I had never heard him use before. It was cajoling as well as reprimanding. "And you are never a bother at my home, boy. Do you understand me?"
My eyes brimmed as I gulped and nodded, lowering my gaze. I didn't want him to think I was crying. Was this what they called friendship? It extended beyond people to their families. I just knew that I'd always be there for my friend. No matter the cost. "Where are the others?"
"Rosenow went home. Jimin sir and Taehyung sir are outside, waiting."
Taehyung
Jungkook was sound asleep in Ulrich's bed when Jimin's phone rang. My head craned to look at him with a questioning look. "It's him," he confirmed before picking up the call.
I heard him speak two sentences before disconnecting the call. "What? What is it?" I asked, leaning towards him on the couch.
"He mentioned that the reports were all okay. He'd sent them to me."
I let out an exhale of relief. "Thank fuck."
Jimin didn't want to come back to Ulrich's house. He proposed to go to a hotel, but we stopped him. Now that my mind was free from the biggest worry I had, I could discern why. He was dating Rose, and he hadn't officially met her parents yet, and staying at her cousin's house was awkward.
Jungkook had already slept, so there was no point in waking him and leaving. "Let's get some rest," I gripped his bicep and stood up, making him follow suit.
I closed the door after getting into the guest room. He sighed a big sigh. "What a day!" He rubbed his hair.
"Tell me about it," I stared at the small queen-sized bed and dropped onto the spring mattress. My hands went to my face to rub it, and then I noticed him frozen in his place.
I hung his jacket on the coat hanger by the bed, waiting for him. When he still didn't move, I shifted to the edge of the bed to pull him down. "We have to share tonight, like old times."
He didn't say a word. We got under the cover, and I moaned softly, loving the softness of the mattress after a long day. From his place, Jimin remained stiff, staring at the ceiling pipes. "I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight." He said slowly.
"Yeah," I yawned, thinking about Jungkook, who had apologized to me for the way we left things the last time after he was out of the hospital, and thanked me for being there with him. "Me too."
Before I knew it, I was swept under. I heard Jimin saying something, and then he laughed slowly before there was nothing but sweet relief with the soft buzzing of appliances.
Jungkook
As I was tiptoeing back to bed after peeing, I heard a voice outside, like a whisper. I watched Ulrich, who was sound asleep. Sitting down on the bed, I looked for my phone to check the time as I had no watch on me.
I looked at the nightstand and under my pillow, but I didn't find it. The whisper continued to my ears, and thinking that it was probably morning, I slowly opened the door and stepped out to the living room, seeing Jimin sitting on the couch, the yellow, soft light from the lamp casting half his face in shadows while illuminating the other half.
On seeing me, he pulled his phone down from his ear. He must've been talking to someone. Rose perhaps.
But when he disconnected the call, I walked to him and sat on the couch, too, at a distance. "What time is it?" I asked first.
"Twenty-nine past four in the morning. Why are you up early?" He asked, looking like he was afraid of me somehow.
"I slept earlier than everyone. My seven hours are complete, I think."
He nodded.
"What about you?" I asked.
"Couldn't sleep."
I nodded. Then no one spoke. He looked around and so did I, noticing the nautical and a metal vase in the corner with fake plants. I wanted to talk to him, tell him that I was going to take a step back. His words were still loud and clear in my head. I thought wrong, obviously. Whatever signs I picked up didn't exist at all, and what I planned during my year-end holidays was meaningless.
I needed to let him know that I wasn't going to make him uncomfortable anymore, and I knew it was the right time to talk to him.
We turned to each other at the same time and spoke in unison. "Hyung."
"Um... I-"
"You go first," I encouraged him.
"No," he said in a gentle tone, so low as though he didn't want anyone to get up from our voices. "Younger first."
"Please, Hyung. After what I put you through yesterday, I want to hear from you first." I chuckled despite myself.
He nodded, looking up for a moment and then down. He breathed and then looked at me, thinking, lining up his thoughts, sugar-coating his words before he let them out. "Jungkook," my name was uttered with such sincerity that I could taste his final rejection. My chest ached faintly, but I was ready.
Yesterday changed something in me. It gave me strength. I didn't know if it was the realization of having such a great friend, being indebted to the girl I always thought less of, or the memory of Jimin's painful face when he told me that he wanted a wife in his future, but I was ready. I was willing to try.
Try to stop feeling.
Feeling what I felt for him.
I kept my lips slightly tilted up to fool my mind that I wasn't going to cry.
"You are so much more to me," he continued in that heartbreakingly soft voice of his, now not looking anywhere but in my eyes so deeply as if he was searching for a piece of my soul. "When you came into our lives, barging in like a train, I knew you were special. Despite what happened in the first year, I never kept any resentment towards you. It took me some time, but from the moment I accepted you as a part of my life, I extended my protection to you, and that will never change. I will always watch out for you, as my most adorable friend."
He suddenly kneeled in front of me, making my breath hitch. My lips twitched as my eyes brimmed dangerously. He took hold of my hands, and it made me shudder out the breath I was holding. "I thought you'd stop after seeing I was in a committed relationship. I thought I could make you understand. I thought I could help you find love. Not in me, but somewhere better. I gave you all the signals I could without being harsh to you. I even hid things from Rose and Taehyung, and trust me, I am carrying the boulder of guilt for it on my two shoulders every day. But I did it for you. I want you to be protected and respected. But sweetheart," he tilted his head, his own eyes slightly misty. "I can never..." His words faltered.
"I am not made like that. If I were, I would've considered it. Trust me, I would've. But it's also not your fault, Jungkook. I know. I swear I know. You never have a say in the matter of the heart," he took a deep breath like it was hurting him as much as it was hurting me. It showed in his gentle hold and his quivering chin that he cared about me. The words were difficult. "What happened yesterday? You scared me, Jungkook. I know whatever happened to you was because of me. I hurt you."
"No-" I tried to communicate, but my voice came out all squeaky and rough. I cleared my throat, but then shook my head, deciding against speaking.
He squeezed my palms, making me aware that I wasn't holding him back. How could I? Knowing he was going to let go forever. "Don't deny it," he asked me. "I know it, and you know it. And it's something I will never accept. I was okay to suffer in silence and guilt, but when it comes to your health, I won't be the reason for its deterioration. You have a bright future ahead of you. You are so sharp, Jungkook. You might not see it, but I can... You are going to do great things, and I'll be damned if you couldn't achieve those things because of a silly guy like me. You deserve so much, little one. You deserve the world, and I will always be your support system, but there's someone else somewhere in the world who'd bring the world to you."
"I have thought hard and long about this. It's for your best if we take a break from our friendship."
My eyes widened, and two tears jumped to their death simultaneously. He let go of my hands and placed his palms on my knees. "Try to concentrate on your studies. I am not doing this for myself. I am doing this for you. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to see me every day. You need some time to restart. I'll be here. When someday you find out that I have stopped affecting you in that way, you should come to me and we will talk. If you need my help with anything, I will be at your beck and call.. I just want you to focus on yourself and prioritize your health. Nothing else matters to me more than your health right now."
He was done. He didn't say anything else. One moment passed, then two. He remained on the ground, his hands still on my legs. I sensed that he was waiting for me. As ironic as it was, I was going to say the same thing, but not in those exact words. I sniffled and then wiped my tears. Clearing my throat, I smiled. "Thank you, Hyung."
His eyes concentrated on me more deeply. I nodded. "I will do it."
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22 Apr, 2025
Chapter 57: A therapist's request
Chapter Text
"Honey?" Julaine's voice made Jugkook raise his head from the pillow to look at her. "Are you feeling okay?" She walked into her son's bedroom.
"Yeah, why?" He asked, sitting up.
The woman nuzzled her son's hair, her gaze scrutinizing. "You haven't gone to the office in a week."
"Eomma," Jungkook said in a monotone. "It's not an office. I told you many times. And I also told you that I don't need to be there daily. There's no target as such. I could work from home."
She raised her brow. "Well... Are you?"
"What do you want?" Jungkook complained and slid down from the bed, walking towards his closet.
"For you to take a shower and then come with me. I am going shopping."
"I am not going!" He hollered from inside the walk-in. "Take Appa."
"You are coming with me, boy. I wasn't asking." Juline stood up, picking up a scarf that was under the duvet. She straightened it with the thought of putting it in the hamper for dry cleaning later and waited.
Jungkook walked out after dressing up in a suit. "Eomma, I am not a kid anymore."
"You are my kid!" She chided. "And you will not speak back to me."
"Fine, I'll go with you," Jungkook said slowly, fixing his cufflinks. "But I have somewhere to be. So would you please hurry?"
"That," she shuffled closer and adjusted his tie. "I can do."
Jungkook smiled when she pecked his cheek. Shaking his head, he slowly followed her out.
They waited until the driver picked them up. Sitting side-by-side on the back seat of the Mercedes, Jungkook texted someone while Julaine instructed the driver. "What are we going to buy?" He asked, locking his phone after the text went through.
"Some chocolates and a few clothes."
"I'll also buy some for Frans then," he said, getting comfortable on the seat and closing his eyes.
Juliane thought for a moment in silence. She wanted to ask about so many things related to the facility where Jungkook spent six years, but she knew he had suffered, and she couldn't be sure if she had the strength to find out about his hell. It would break her, and in turn, him, again. "Is he young? Frans?" She asked which wasn't too personal, but also not impersonal.
"Yes. He's a good kid. He has no one outside who can afford to send him something nice. I've been sending him chocolates. He loves those."
She nodded. "Then we should also buy him a Holiday sweater."
Jungkook smiled, eyes still closed.
**
After shipping two big boxes to the facility and loading numerous shopping bags in the car, Jungkook asked the driver to bring his mother back home despite her protests that she would drop him off first.
He didn't want her to find out where he was headed. Taking a cab, he reached the therapist's office where he'd pre-booked an appointment but started second-guessing his decision, feeling fidgety and overstrung.
His head felt heavy, and his mind's capability to think somehow dissolved, replaced with nervous energy and fear.
When he was invited in by the doctor, he walked mechanically. It took him a moment to take the offered seat.
In front of him was an older woman, who somehow put his mind at ease. "Hello, Jungkook." She greeted him in a pleasant voice that didn't suit her age, almost girlish, and a welcoming tone.
"Hello, Mrs. Young."
"Do you need some water before we begin?"
Jungkook nodded, wanting all the extra time he could get. After he slowly finished drinking the offered drink, he looked at her, feeling like a five-year-old child sitting in front of a stranger.
"What do you want to talk about today?" She asked, continuing to flash him a smile that looked genuine and empathetic.
"About my past," Jungkook spoke quickly, mouth filter connecting with his head broken. "And my present."
"Alright," Mrs. Young remarked coolly. "Let's hear it."
He wondered apprehensively how much he wanted to share without going into too much detail. It had to be from the beginning.
"When I was seventeen, I fell in love with a man who was never going to be mine." His spine quivered after having declared his failure. "And with my horrible fate, I met the same man a few weeks ago at my workplace."
"Okay," the woman concentrated. "What about you meeting him now bothers you?"
"I think I am still in love with him."
Bingo, thought the woman. "And he isn't?"
He shook his head no. She had seen patients with unrequited love stories in the past, but she could sense that Jungkook's story was much more than that. He seemed to be in his mid-twenties and still hung up on the same man like nothing had changed over the years. Why?
"I haven't been in contact with him or any of our mutual friends from my Uni for the last six years. I have gone away, and during this time, I thought of him every day... I looked at the memories I'd created with him, and they always brought a smile to my face. Sometimes I wondered what it would be like to see him again."
"Sorry to interrupt you, Jungkook," the woman raised her finger unapologetically. "May I ask one thing first?"
Jungkook gave a non-verbal consent.
"What were your thoughts when you saw him at your...workplace?"
"I don't want to hurt him. But there was a moment when I did. I wanted to hurt him so badly. I felt this extreme anger."
The woman nodded. "Six years ago. What did you think it would be like to see him again?"
Jungkook thought back to those bleary, cold days. Thoughts of Jimin always brought him comfort, sometimes even a smile. "I used to think that when I met him, I'd make him proud of what I've become, a healed and refined man, smile at him, talk to him, but I never healed," he smiled sadly.
"And in reality, you rather found yourself burning in anger." The woman concluded. "Do you have any clue as to why you were so angry?" She dug deeper into Jungkook's words, his emotions.
"Yes... No... I don't know," Jungkook looked torn. He sat there for a few seconds, only breathing. The silence gave him the incentive to form his thoughts while the therapist waited, observing Jungkook. "I was angry because he seemed so unaffected, like it didn't matter to him what I went through."
"And you wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt you," the woman finally took a note. "Do you think you can share about those six years with me today, Jungkook?"
"No." His reply came instantly.
"That's fine," Mrs. Young's gaze was searching. It was so intense that even though he wasn't looking at her, he could feel its weight at any rate. She then wrote something down. "Do you want to know what I think?"
Jungkook shook his head, biting his bottom lip.
"I think, Jungkook, you are hurt deeply. That anger that came to you was because you were mourning the loss of those six years. Wherever you were, you didn't fully allow yourself to heal despite wanting to. And when you saw him, your heart wanted to complain. You wanted to be comforted and be heard by the same person who hurt you, but that didn't happen. It seemed like wherever you were, you remained entangled in a time loop while everyone else moved on, including him."
He nodded his head, sitting ramrod straight, not looking anywhere but a few inches ahead of his shoes, while his eyes began to brim. He could agree that she rationalized his anger. She had to be a genius to understand his feelings so quickly. Everything had happened so quickly that his emotions couldn't catch up to his reactions when he saw Jimin, his wedding ring, and he could safely say with clarity that that had been the trigger of his anger and melancholy. That was why he felt that Jimin didn't care if he lived or died, and he almost died for him.
"Did he say something that was remotely comforting to you?" She asked after a few beats had passed.
"I didn't let him talk to me," Jungkook confessed truthfully. "He wanted to talk, but I stopped him."
"Why?" The woman couldn't hide the shock in her voice.
The silence pricked Jungkook. "Because..." he thought hard. "There was nothing to hear. It was too late. Anything he could have said to me would've only done more damage. Now I am not sure if he was even going to apologise. At that time, I thought he was, and I didn't want to hear him reduce my predicaments to nothing with his meager 'sorry for the trouble' or anything else along those lines. "
"So it'd hurt you less," the woman sympathized, putting on her frames and looking at the young man with better focus.
"Maybe."
"It has been a few days. What do you feel now? Do you still carry that anger?"
Jungkook looked up at her. "I am afraid it's fading."
"Why?" She smiled softly.
"My anger was like a shield. It made me want to hate him."
"It's your safety net," the woman commented, understanding. "Defense mechanism. You are afraid that if you let go of the anger, you'll feel that pain again. And you don't want to feel it. That's why you are here now."
"Yes," Jungkook confessed shamefully.
"You know that you have to face it someday, don't you, Jungkook?"
Didn't he know it? Of course, but only he knew the intensity of that pain. It had almost cost him his life, and it had left him damaged, physically and mentally, but he couldn't speak about it with the woman.
When he didn't give any answer in words, she moved on to her next question. "You are not discussing everything with me, which is fine. You take your time and decide. I will not force you. But it's not healthy for your well-being, Jungkook. The more you carry inside you, the more it will wound you until there's nothing left. Although I can see you are accepting the situation as it comes, you need some more time. Do you have anyone else you can talk to about him?"
Jungkook thought of Frans, who knew everything about Jimin from the university days, but he also didn't know that Jungkook had tried to kill himself. That part was only known by the select few Uni people and his parents. His mind jumped to a recent memory. "I met one mutual friend last week, but we didn't talk much. Ever since that day, I have locked myself in my room."
Mrs. Young looked to her right and picked a fruit from the bowl. She stared at it for a beat before putting it back. "What is your favorite fruit?"
"Huh?" Jungkook asked, thrown off abruptly.
"Answer me."
"Mango."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Why else would I say it is if it's not?" He said tersely.
"The human brain is a magical thing, Jungkook. I asked you something that has probably been asked many times. You know the answer. Similarly, you might already know what you truly need, but since you didn't have that conversation with yourself or anyone else, you don't know the answer to it. You haven't pondered enough. My suggestion to you is to find those questions and talk about them."
"I am not sure this is helping me." Jungkook stood up slowly.
The woman smiled and nodded. "When will I see you again?"
Jungkook hadn't planned on coming to the next session. "I'll call your office."
"I know you won't," she astonished Jungkook with her words, making him halt the steps that he'd begun to take. "But I hope for your sake, you talk to at least someone. Then it will be up to you whether you think you want to come here or not."
**
Taehyung was watching TV when his phone rang. He looked at the unknown ID and his heart fluttered a little. He had been waiting for a call from Jungkook for a week now. Every time his phone rang, his heart also kicked inside. Could this be?
"Hello."
"Hyung," the familiar voice spoke.
"Jungkook," Taehyung dropped the remote on the floor and stood up, pacing the living room. "Is this real. Are you calling me?"
"Yes. Can we meet?"
"Where?" Taehyung fisted his left phalanges shut.
"Let's catch an early dinner at Doyy. Do you know that place?"
"I'll Naver it," Taehyung turned towards his bedroom, rushing to get ready. "Should I pick you up?"
"No, Hyung. I'll see you in an hour."
The line went dead, and Taehyung picked up speed. He shaved before washing up. Choosing a blue shirt and white pants, he picked black shoes and a golden watch to pair with his whole look. He got ready within a few minutes and wore his cologne before leaving the house with his wallet and car keys.
The maps showed him that the shortest route would take forty minutes. He drove fast and reached with a few minutes to spare.
Walking inside the restaurant, he liked the ambiance of the place. There were shiny tables that weren't packed together or oversubscribed. They had hanging lights above each one of them, casting an expensive glow.
He inquired about Jungkook. Then he requested a private table on finding that he had reached there first. As he sat there, thinking about the date he had with Jungkook in the past, he felt hopeful still. But he was going to listen tonight, not talk. He needed to know what Jungkook was up to. If his intel was correct, which he hoped wasn't, he didn't know how the night would pan out.
Within ten minutes, he watched Jungkook walking towards the table, accompanied by the waiter. He stood up immediately.
He wanted to do more than pull the man's chair, but settled on just that after considering the crowd.
"How are you?" There was desperation in his voice that Jungkook couldn't ignore.
"I am okay, Hyung. How are you?" He asked politely.
Taehyung bit his lips together, shaking his head, refusing to answer that question. "Let's talk about you, Kook. I want to know everything."
When Jungkook hesitated, Taehyung cursed himself. When the younger had called, he assumed on his own that he was willing to talk, but the more he remained silent, the more Taehyung regretted misunderstanding the circumstance. He still had residual feelings for Jungkook, but he wasn't a fool to expect anything, although he still hoped that the younger man would give him one chance. He had lost that battle to Jimin years ago, but he placed his responsibility above anything and put all his resources into finding him, only to ensure that he was fine. That moment when Jungkook was hospitalized had scarred him for life. One had to be there to know the kind of effect it left on one's mind.
"I'll tell you. But should we order first?"
That small smile breathed life into Taehyung's body. He let Jungkook order. And then Jungkook did speak. He talked his heart out.
He talked about his pain and tribulations.
He talked about his failures.
And finally, his feelings.
And then Taehyung's heart broke. For the final time.
"Don't speak of it with anyone, Hyung," Jungkook asked the older friend. Jungkook didn't know that Taehyung and Jimin's friendship had soured because of him, so he had to exercise caution. His request was clear...he didn't want Jimin to know anything. "I don't think I would ever be ready to share it with another living soul."
Taehyung was reduced to an angry and quivering multitude of emotions. He looked down at his lap, unable to speak for long moments. He smiled at last. "I won't. I haven't. After all these years."
He couldn't be Jungkook's lover, but he vowed to be his protector.
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24 Apr, 2025
Chapter 58: Turning a new page
Chapter Text
Jungkook
Ulrich looked up at me and did a once-over, staring at my outfit. "What's this?"
"I have enrolled myself in a marathon club," I told him while walking to bed. Sitting down, I began to take off my shoes.
"Are you kidding me?" He asked in such a frank tone that I chuckled out loud.
"No," craning my neck to see him, I smiled at him. "I need to focus."
"Then focus on your studies!" He walked around to my side, peering down at me with his hands placed over his hips. "What about football? Was that not enough? It's been only three days since you were admitted to a hospital. Did you forget?"
"How can I ever forget?" I stood up with a huff, shoes in my hand to put them away. "Still have a pang inside to prove it."
"Then stop this madness, Jungkook," Ulrich said in a no-nonsense tone. "Boohoo that your crush doesn't like you back. Big deal. You are not going to waste any more time or health on love. Wake up."
I scratched my nose with a big smile on my face. "When did you become my Mommy?" I asked, poking one finger in his ribs and walking past him to my shoe rack.
He muttered something under his breath slowly in German. "I am not visiting another doctor with you, and I am not buying any more medicines either."
"I hope you are keeping a record of your expenditure on me. Like I said on our first day, I will pay you back each cent the day we graduate."
"Asshole," he mumbled and opened his book, hate-reading.
"Come on!" I headed to the bathroom to wash my hands. "Don't be a puffer fish now. I am tracking all the spending."
"You are insufferable, Jungkook. I don't even want to look at you right now."
I finished my routine and then wiped myself before changing into different clothes. When I stepped out, I looked at him, immersed in glaring out the window. The ground floor didn't offer much in terms of view, but the first-floor dorms were bigger and had windows. Nothing like the VIP dorms where we'd stayed temporarily after the fire incident, but enough to allow us the luxury to look outside.
"I am going to the library to study. Do you wanna come?" I asked, wearing some cologne.
"No," he shook his head slightly. "I am good here for some time. You go ahead."
"See you in class."
Grabbing my backpack, I got out, heading straight to the library downstairs. While we had labs and classrooms on our floor, there was only one library. It was so big that it looked like a ballroom of a Disney movie castle alone, with shelves of books covering the entirety of the walls. There were nine long tables in the middle like Hogwarts' dining hall, seating many students.
I took out my notes as I selected a chair to sit in. Placing the notebook on the high table, I looked to my front and saw Jimin. His eyes looked up a moment after I pulled my gaze away, but I noticed it. I didn't speak, nor did he.
I picked up my notebook and the backpack before getting up and walked straight to the end of the table. Without looking up, I sat there, breathing for a few moments and trying to understand if what I did was okay. He said he wanted to take a break from friendship, but what were the rules? Did I have to avoid him? Did I have to stop greeting him at all?
He was still my senior, and I had to be respectful. We haven't texted in three days. It was the first time I saw him after coming back from Bremen, but his words were still fresh in my memory, like poisoned honey injected into my veins, dispersing me with infinitesimal, pointed blades.
I am not doing this for myself. I am doing this for you. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to see me every day.
I was okay to suffer in silence, but when it comes to your health, I won't be the reason for its deterioration.
But it's also not your fault, Jungkook. I know. I swear I know. You never have a say in the matter of the heart.
I even hid things from Rose and Taehyung, and trust me, I am carrying the boulder of guilt for it on my two shoulders every day.
Unbeknownst to everyone, he suffered, too, and I was ashamed. How could I ever claim that I loved Jimin all the while putting him through so much?
I have read about a term that was used specifically to depict the love of a person for their dead lover. It touched my soul. Was there a term to define my love for Jimin? I was in love with him after knowing he would never love me back. Unrequited love? Nah. My love, as I was realizing while being surrounded by students as grey skies hovered over us, had a haunting breadth to it. My love for him wasn't simple. It had seeped deeper into the layers of my soul.
It was impossible, but I had to get rid of it, layer by layer.
Half an hour had passed, and I was irreversibly snared inside my head. I hesitated, my movements jerky when I turned my head slightly to see Jimin, but he was gone. A breath whooshed out of me, and I slumped back on my chair.
"You good?" Jimmy's voice made me look at my classmate I hadn't noticed.
"Yeah," I whispered, not wanting to disturb fellow readers. Without losing minutes, I packed up and headed to my class. We still had a few minutes left for it to start, but I needed to be alone, and there wasn't a single place on the campus where I could have privacy, except the classroom.
Jimin
"Jungkook better now?" I asked as I simply leaned against the counter, biting a piece of bread in the cafeteria.
"Yes," Taehyung wiped his hand over his mouth to remove the crumbs. "Or he's hiding it."
"I am sure he will talk to you if he isn't," I told my friend. Seeing him ignoring my presence today, I wasn't relieved that I had closed all doors of communication. I told him I'd watch out for him, no matter what, but if this was how he preferred for us to be, I had to be okay with it. I wanted Jungkook to move on after all.
Taehyung didn't grant my comment a response, and when the bell rang, we slowly walked to the classroom.
I found my seat with Rose, and Taehyung sat with Christoph to my right. Anja and Wolfgang sat behind me while Hoseok was in the front seat, without anyone.
"Do you want to go to the Barbecue dinner party tonight?" Rosenow poked my side with a pen.
"Where?" I asked.
"My friend from back home is studying environmental science at another university. Her classmates are hosting the party outside their university gym. It will be fun."
I had checked the forecast and saw that the day was going to be sunny, which meant it was a perfect day for a BBQ. I poked Hoseok and Taehyung together. "Barbeque tonight?"
"Okay," Hoseok said simply, getting back to his books. Taehyung took a moment before he nodded, too.
Rose laughed, shaking her head. "What?" I asked.
"Nothing." She stifled her smile and began to take her book out of her handbag.
Ulrich
"I don't know," I looked at Jungkook who was on his bed, face down, ass up, unmoving for the last hour. "My friend needs to rest."
"Who are you talking to?" Jungkook grumbled, without looking at me.
"I'll text you," I disconnected the call, bringing it down to my lap. "My friend is throwing a party and she is inviting me. Do you wanna go?"
"You go."
"I am not going alone."
"Why not?"
I didn't say anything.
"WHY NOT?!" He screamed into his pillow.
"B-because... I like this girl." I confessed slowly.
"You what?!" He snapped his neck and jumped in an upright position like a frog leaping across two rocks.
I was sure I was red everywhere. I was never the one to talk about my love or sex life. Not that I had one. Jungkook wasn't the same. I knew all about his fantasy of firsts. He wanted all of them with Jimin. I knew he was a virgin, but he didn't know if I was. "Forget it. It was a bad idea to say that out loud."
Jungkook
"Why?" I asked incredulously, seeing Ulrich sagging his shoulders and just curling into himself.
"It's complicated. She's older than me and she doesn't see me as a good match."
"Ulrich fucking Maier," I was on his bed, a shit-eating grin on my face. "Have you asked her out?"
"Yes," he said. "N-no... It's not that simple."
"You either did or you didn't."
"I didn't," he told me after contemplating.
"Then get up. We are going."
"We don't have time to prepare anymore," he gripped my ankle to prevent me from getting up.
I frowned. "One hour is plenty of time to get ready."
"It's a barbecue party." He told me defeatedly.
"So?" I asked, more confused than ever. Was there a special dress code for barbecue parties here?
"So we have to buy meat. All the guests have to bring their own. We don't have time to go to the supermarket and then come back in time. We will be late."
"No," I gripped his wrist, and he stared into my eyes, horrified, before I started dragging him to the closet. "You go first. I will bring the things you need in five minutes."
"H-how?" He asked. "Are you going to ask the seniors for help?"
I could have asked Taehyung Hyung to drive me, and I knew he would. For me, he would do it. And that was exactly why I couldn't. "No."
I didn't wait to answer any more of his questions and rushed out of the room with a goal, realizing that it was the first time in days I wasn't thinking about how I was drowning in pain. I rushed to the cafeteria and asked one of the store managers to lend me two kilos of pork and beef.
When I stayed alone in the Uni during our vacation period last year, the cafeteria was closed for cooking, but the store manager was there to look after things. I had talked to him a few times, and our conversations bloomed into a friendship. I had even brought Korean Wagyu beef for him when I returned to Uni after the holidays this time.
After promising that I'd buy the stock back the next day, I rushed back to the room to see Ulrich nervously sitting on the floor. He looked at my hand, and then his eyes widened. "W- where did you get those?" He pointed at the meat like it was a TNT ready to detonate.
"If you don't get up like two minutes ago, I am taking off your clothes myself and changing you."
He must've smelled the threat and determination in my voice, so he listened to me. Behind all of it, I could see that the motivation was coming from being able to see the girl he liked. I felt something tightening my throat, but I walked through it.
We were ready and leaving the Uni within the next twenty minutes. "So," I said coolly. "What is the name of this girl?"
"Elfriede," he took her name elegantly. "She's three years older than I."
"Three years is nothing, right?"
He choked up, and I didn't push him for answers. We talked about classes and he asked me about where the fuck did I get the stupid idea of getting into a running club.
On reaching the gym, we could already see at least fifteen to twenty people outside. Their laughter reached our ears before the smell of sizzling meat. Then we saw white smoke as we got closer.
There were a few cheap chairs with plastic tables placed unceremoniously where people sat, all wearing high boots, fur jackets, or coats. I stood beside Ulrich while he looked for the girl and hugged her. He then introduced me, and I looked at her. I could tell why a guy like Ulrich liked her.
She had the most striking pair of grey eyes I'd ever seen. Her face was diamond-shaped, and she had light brown hair. She was a beautiful young woman, but what added to her beauty was her personality and charm. She had a touch of British accent in her English, separating her from native speakers. And her smile was the best thing about her. It was a bit shy and girlish.
When she wasn't looking, I gave an approving thumbs-up to Ulrich. He rolled his eyes. "Let's get to work." Snatching the packet from my hand, he stood by the grill. "Have you grilled before?"
"We have barbecue dinners in Korea, too," I let him know defensively, leaning against the gym wall.
"Yeah?" He smirked. "I bet it's not like German dinners."
"How so?" I asked, feeling hungry, seeing someone grilling a lamb chop.
"The host doesn't buy everything," he raised the packet I had just given him. Obviously. I knew that. "And you only eat what you bring. No one shares."
"What?!" Now that was pure evil. I could get behind the idea of bringing our food, but the least we could do in a gathering like that was to share. I looked at the lamb chop again, drooling and pouting.
Ulrich let out a loud laugh, patting my back.
"Ulrich," my friend and I both turned at the feminine voice, and both of us stiffened on seeing Rosenow standing there. "I didn't know you were coming."
I tuned them out, my eyes going to a table where the man I desired sat with a bottle of beer, laughing with Taehyung Hyung.
I knew I had to leave.
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2 May, 2025
Chapter 59: Party never stops
Chapter Text
Jungkook
There was a place where the party never stopped. A party train. It moved from one corner of the city to another, inviting new people to join every few hours.
I have found it on the internet. I didn't believe such a thing existed and that it was a scam, but when I clicked on the website and was redirected to the ticket sale, I thought, why not?
I could pay 75 € for unlimited fun, or a scam.
I needed to do anything to get away from this place.
I clicked on the Techno train carriage number and the confirm button. It redirected me to my bank payment page. I put my CVV, and then it went.
A second later, I got an SMS with the details of the train and all the stations it had stops along with timings. There were also a few rules written, including phones being prohibited on the ride. There was a link with the pictures and directions on how to reach them.
All I needed was to go to the nearest stations from my place at the assigned time.
I packed my overnight bag with a few pairs of clothes. Taking out all the extra cards and cash, I left a meager amount in my wallet, careful not to get robbed. Since the phone wasn't allowed, I couldn't even call anyone if something went wrong. Because if what I heard about this party train was right, I needed to be cautious.
My account was loaded, and I didn't want to be a victim of cybercrime. Not because I cared about money at the moment, but because I knew it belonged to my dad and he'd turn the earth upside down to find anyone who stole from me.
Early morning, after forging my father's signature on a letter, I placed it on Ulrich's nightstand with a note to give it to the dean along with my medical reports. I wasn't well, and I was sure they wouldn't mind granting me an absence for a week. Only, I wouldn't utilize the time to rest.
I turned off my phone and put it in my drawer. For a moment, I felt afraid, fearful that I was making a mistake, but then I didn't care much about myself.
It felt like something was chasing me, and I had this urgent need to disappear before it caught up to me. I didn't know what would happen if I came face to face with whatever it was, but there was one certainty in my mind that it would be catastrophic.
I left the Uni and hopped a cab to drop me off at the station. After an hour of riding, the fare was more than the party ticket.
With my foot tapping, I looked around to gauge people's body language to see if there was anyone else who was waiting for the same train that I was. The woman in a brown coat didn't look like it, with a suitcase in her hand and the phone stuck to her ear as she talked slowly but constantly. Neither did the gentleman carrying the hands of two toddlers in school uniforms.
I glanced down at my clothes, and sure as hell, there was nothing to give away. If they were to guess, I would look like a young man on his way to his first cool job. I was wearing a beige baseball jacket with many woolen layers underneath. My pants were light brown, and my sneakers were white. For the next few minutes, I watched people silently, thinking about what their stories were.
A train approached the track, slowing in front of my eyes until it halted to stop.
'Techno train' in purple lights flashed outside its glass windows. The doors didn't open, and I realized with certainty that it was fucking real, and I was going for it. My body took a few seconds before it jerked into motion.
I pushed the button on the door, and it opened with a whoosh. Clouds of smoke slapped me in the face. The noises and voices hit my ears a moment later. I couldn't see anything except thick fog. My feet stepped inside and I stood there, hearing the loud and echoed sounds of people talking, laughing, and cheering. Then the doors closed, and dim lights turned on.
The moment they did, my breath got caught for a moment. The rail car had conventional long seats on two sides along the length, but there was a love seat near the door, along with poles. I watched a man sucking another man's dick by hanging upside down on the pole, his dick near the man's mouth sitting on the loveseat. Both men had their nails painted pink, and they wore flimsy thongs on their lower bodies and no shirts, their genitals on display.
My mouth turned dry at the sight, and I turned my gaze down to my shoes. All I wanted to do was turn around and leave, but the train had already picked up speed.
The next station flashed on the small screen at the end of the railcar, coming in two hours. I walked deeper inside, trying to find someplace safe to sit. I bypassed a group of trans women in heavy makeup. T hen I walked deeper to see a group that was relatively calm amidst chaos, smoking something.
I continued to walk until I saw a group of young girls, some dressed in black with spikes on their brow rings with a lot of piercings, while the others were relatively simpler looking with small tops and even small shorts. One of them waved at me.
I waved back shyly.
"Join us!" she screamed over the noise.
I did.
"Hi!" She leaned into my ear. "My name is Anneliese. You can call me Ann."
"Nice to meet you, Ann!" I laughed. "I am Jungkook."
"Can I call you cutie?" She asked loudly, making the other girls either smirk or laugh out loud.
I felt embarrassed and a little intimidated by her confidence. She picked a glass from the table that was fixed into the ground, and from a steel bucket filled with ice, she picked up a champagne bottle. Handing the empty glass to me, she poured the drink slowly and sensually while biting her lips, all the while staring down at the girl with a huge septum, black ring. It was so big that it was reaching her upper lip line.
I was intrigued immediately, wanting to see what would happen. The moment she handed me the drink and pulled her hand away, the other girl stood up, and I almost laughed when I saw her height. She was so much smaller than Ann, who was even taller in heels. Her legs were slender and long.
The shorter girl had this confidence about her that overcame everything else. She was reaching beneath Ann's breasts, but she pulled the girl towards her and sat down with her on her lap.
They started making out, and I looked away. Most of the people seemed to be doing just that. With this group, I felt comfortable enough to grab a seat in a corner while nursing a drink. My eyes went back to Ann. She was being devoured by the short goddess, her inked knuckles on display as she gripped Ann's jaw and kissed the ever-loving lights out of her.
Then, within a second, she took off her top and opened her bra with her thumb and one finger, shocking me. She had her mouth on her tits the next moment. I closed my eyes and emptied the drink into my mouth. It burned, but no one with a sane mind could handle all of it. I watched as the make-out turned to naked sex, realizing why phones were not allowed.
There was no one to check, so I wondered if anyone sneaked in the phones. It didn't matter. This train was a world of its own, and I could already feel myself getting sucked into it. The orgasmic moans and the intoxicated laughter started something inside me to heat. I closed my eyes, imagining what would have happened if I had brought Jimin with me.
Would he look at me like that septum ring girl looked at Ann? Dangerously. Possessive. Like she owned her.
My lips stretched a little when I imagined Jimin on one of those love seats and I between his legs. I had never given head to anyone. Though, curiosity had gotten the best of me and I did try sucking off a cucumber once. It didn't feel great, and I got the gag reflex almost immediately. But I wondered if it would be different with a human dick. The texture and smell would change the experience.
For a moment, I wanted my dick to be sucked and I felt like I could get it done. There were so many people around me. If I wanted, I could fuck someone and leave, but the fantasy inside my head wanted to do everything for Jimin. It wanted to worship his body and make him see that I'd do anything for his pleasure.
I opened my eyes. Ann was now being petted by the girl, having finished their sex. And fuck what wouldn't I give to be like this in Jimin's lap. I was in love with him, and I equally desired him, his body, his lips. To some extent, I was too shy to fantasize about him, but now, sitting in the middle of sex and sin, I wanted him like I wanted to breathe.
Getting up from there, I crossed the carriage and entered the one behind it. There was a group of men and boys, not fucking, but drinking. I continued to stroll inside and found a lot of space. Placing my bag there, I slumped down.
I watched two men and women in uniform walk down the entirety of the train after a few minutes, only observing and not intervening. So they did have some sort of security.
Grabbing a glass, I poured myself another drink. I came here to forget, but it wasn't a great start. I needed more drinks.
One by one, I finished glass after glass without paying heed to my surroundings. My jacket came off, the heat making me sweat. One by one, I took off layers and remained in the shirt and pants I had worn at the dorm.
My body was relaxed, and my movements were slow. I picked a chip from the plate and looked at it. Someone might have spilled a drink on it, so it was a little soggy on one side. I popped it in my mouth and chewed.
My stomach grumbled after a few hours, making me realize I was hungry.
The train had stopped a few times, and a lot of people got down and a few got on board, too, looking fresh, but then joined the chaos inside soon enough.
I got asked by two guys and a girl for sex, but I denied them. I should've taken them up on the offer, but I couldn't.
I kept drinking and eating snacks until I felt something funny in my stomach. I needed food. Real food. But there didn't seem to be an option for that.
I stood up to use the WC. Opening the door, I got inside and looked into the mirror above the sink. I could see a familiar face, but I felt like I didn't know myself.
I stared at my reflection for a long time while I peed and even after. But nothing about it made me happy. At last, I washed my hands and walked out to stumble onto a sign for food.
I followed it and ended up in the last carriage. It was quieter, and the windows were allowing some of the daylight inside, unlike the tinted ones in the rest of the train.
I sat down, and a girl came to me to take my order from a pre-set menu. I told her what I wanted to eat, and she brought the food in a few agonizing minutes, while I felt like I would pass out from hunger.
I ate a ridiculous amount, uncaring.
Long after I was done eating, I remained there, sitting in silence with my heart beating loudly. Ultimately, I paid for it with the cash I was carrying and returned to the carriage.
There, I had one more drink, and then I waited.
The train went in circles, and when I reached my station, I disembarked the train with my bag, ready to go back to the dorm and return the next day.
It was late when I reached the dorm.
It was empty.
I headed straight to the shower to wash off all the booze and smoke from my body and then got ready for bed, my head pounding.
Taking my phone out of the drawer, I turned it on and saw a few notifications. Taehyung Hyung had texted me. Ulrich had sent me a few voicemails.
I only replied to Hyung and then opened the notification from our boy group Lachibolala, only, it was named something else now, something long that I couldn't read in my drunken state.
I clicked on Jimin's profile and saw his small display picture. Holding it close to my chest, I dozed off.
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5 May, 2025
Chapter 60: A studio apartment
Chapter Text
"What is it about you that you are working for Jimin now?"
Jungkook looked at Taehyung like he was amazed, but then he made it make sense that Taehyung knew. Jimin was his best friend, and of course, the man told him. The words were on the tip of Jungkook's tongue, but he bit them back.
"I didn't know it was his gallery."
He had gone through the getting over Jimin process once and failed. He didn't want to set back on his path now. He wanted to win for a change. He didn't need to know anything about Jimin, despite the therapist's words.
"And how did you feel?"
"Well... He didn't want to have anything to do with me then. I am sure he wants the same thing now."
"What did you think? He will run to you?" Taehyung asked, hibernated anger giving way to impatience. "What did you expect? He will leave his family. Remember, he chose her over you, and now he has a son. If you have any hope, Jungkook. I have to warn you to kill it."
Jungkook picked up the napkin and wiped his lips, not wanting to hear another word coming from the man. "Thanks for the dinner, Hyung. I'll see you around."
When Taehyung saw Jungkook stand up and turn to leave, he stood up, too, rushing to stop him. "I vowed to protect you, Jungkook. When you were almost dead and I heard after the most horrendous night of my life that you'd make it, I told myself that I'd never let anything happen to you."
"I didn't ask you to," Jungkook rebuked in calm disappointment and rage.
"Too bad," Taehyung hissed. "Do you know the kind of toll it takes on a person to see their loved one on their deathbed?"
Jungkook jolted from the intensity of Taehyung's words. How could he not understand that? His parents still tiptoed around him, not wanting to unload their emotions and feelings. But he suffered, too. He suffered the most, and after speaking about it after years of silence, only to hear the jibes in return, it rubbed him the wrong way. "Do you know how hard it was to speak about the things I told you?" He asked, his eyes burning as he fought back tears. "I needed a friend, Hyung. More than anything. I didn't need your judgment today."
Taehyung's chest tightened, and sensing that the younger man was right, it felt like he would melt into an embarrassing pile of shame. His lids fluttered to the ground as he tried to speak, but before he could, Jungkook slowly turned around and walked away, leaving Taehyung to drown in accountability.
Jungkook flagged a taxi outside and got in quickly. "Where to?" The driver asked when the man didn't give him an address instantly.
He took out his phone and looked at the address. He then showed it to the driver, who nodded and revved the car in the desired direction.
The lost man looked outside the windows, feeling nothing but an all-too-familiar pain. Why did he think talking to a therapist would be a good idea? He thought his pain was numbing, but it all felt overwhelming again. Some people were born to be great. He thought that maybe he was born to experience one heartbreak after another and to be the biggest disappointment to his parents.
He still fought hard against all odds, but some pieces of his story pushed him back to the ground, making it harder for him to get up each time.
Remember, he chose her over you, and now he has a son.
On reaching his destination while downgrading himself in his thoughts, he paid the driver and got out, stretching his legs as he looked around. He had been house hunting silently to move into his own place by the end of the month.
He has a son.
Jungkook stepped up to a few stairs that were leading up to a big gate. He opened it and walked into a small reception. "Hello," he told the person on the security duty. "I came to look for an apartment."
"Name?" The man asked, opening his app to check.
"Jeon Jungkook."
"Apartment number 6-04. First floor?" The guard read the details that were in the app.
"Yes," Jungkook confirmed.
"Do you have the keys or will you wait for the manager?" The guard asked.
"I have the instructions," he pulled up the e-mail from the woman who had mentioned about a mailbox and had shared a password with him to open it.
"It's this way," the guard showed him, and he followed the man. Putting in the passcode on a small digital screen, he picked out the key with the number 6-04 mentioned on it.
He has a son.
When the guard showed him the elevator, he thanked him and let the doors close. It took him less than a minute to get out and one more to find the door to the apartment.
The floor had fifteen more white doors on either side of the hallway, all facing the common corridor. He unlocked the door and got inside. The place was empty with a small kitchenette right by the door and a bathroom on the other side.
The living room wasn't big, but because it had two big windows on the wall, it gave the illusion of being spacious. Then the bedroom was on the left-hand side of the living room, also empty.
The amenities in the place were kitchen appliances, a washing machine, a dryer, and a built-in fridge. He checked them one by one and found them to be working. He also turned on the electric stove top and saw that all four conductors were functional.
He stood in the middle of an empty living room, trying to imagine himself living there. The place wasn't big. His bedroom at his parents' house was bigger than the bedroom and the living room combined, but it was the only place he could afford with his salary.
He had done a little calculation to add up the estimate of the security deposit and rent, along with the internet, water, and electricity bill, and thankfully, it fit his budget. He had seen one more apartment in the big complex, but the rent was so high he was sure he wouldn't be able to afford it even after he saved up for a year. It wasn't like he hated the place. He had lived in worse. The hesitation and somewhat disappointment he felt were because it was going to be his first independent place.
When he was younger, he had dreamed what it would look like, and it would be putting it mildly to say that the place where he stood looked nothing like what he dreamed.
He had always had steady hands, and he believed that he was good at art for the same reason. His ambition was to pursue medicine and then specialize in surgery. He used to dream that he would earn a lot and then take out his family for dinner, buy them atrociously expensive gifts, things they wouldn't buy for themselves, but he was twenty-five now, struggling to make ends meet, and his left arm had been done for.
Taking a deep breath, he unlocked his phone to type his response.
Subject: Renting 6-04
Dear Mrs. Song,
I like the place and would like to rent it starting from the 1st of next month.
I do have a few requests, though. Please take the mirrors out of the bathroom and anywhere else. I don't need them.
Will you be able to get a table and a chair delivered for the living room? Nothing fancy, but something I would comfortably use. You can add that to the security deposit and I will pay you.
Hoping to have a contract soon.
Jeon Jungkook
**
Rosenow pulled over in the driveway of her bungalow and got out of the car. She loved Iseul, and all of her time had been going into taking care of the infant, but feeling the air on her skin felt nice because it had been so long since she had gone anywhere alone.
Now that the boy was a few months old, she wanted to work again. When they planned the child, Jimin asked her to stop working for some time as they were having difficulty conceiving naturally.
She had wanted a family so much that she put her career on the backseat and agreed with her doctor husband. After a year of staying home, she was pregnant and it overshadowed all small setbacks.
The next year was stressful, to say the least. While pregnant, Jimin had hidden things like his decision to leave her father's hospital, leave the practice altogether to start the corporate side of things, to open a hospital and an art gallery, but at the end of the day, she understood his reasoning. What married couple didn't have problems? Right?
What still made her stressed was the ever-changing condition of her husband. Something had changed in Jimin soon after the honeymoon period ended, but she never thought she would see a day when the man would pull away from her completely.
Over the last few weeks, she had seen the man losing sleep, hunger, and also the intimacy they once shared. Then Jimin started getting ill, seriously ill. It worried her to the bone, and she tried to help him in the best way, only he didn't share with her his problems.
But then things started to look getting better. Jimin had come home on time for the last few days. He sat with her and Iseul, and it looked like whatever weight he was carrying on his shoulders was lifted off...like he had finally found something that he had lost.
Although there were still some intimacy issues, she was sure it would all go back to normal, and with that hope, when she told the man she wanted to work again, he seemed open to the idea.
Today was the first day she had gone to a hospital for an interview, and it had gone well. She looked up at the open window of her bedroom and smiled, knowing that her husband was there with their son.
When she went inside, Jimin smiled while rocking Iseul in his arms. "He's just fallen asleep," he whispered, informing her quickly so she wouldn't speak loudly.
"Why did you put him to sleep now?" She whispered back, coming closer to see her son. "He'll wake us up all night."
Jimin laughed, his smile bright, all for his son. His good looks caught her unprepared. Over time, with proximity, she'd acclimatized to it, but seeing him smiling like that after a while blew her mind. She reminded herself that she bagged a one-of-a-kind husband.
"Should I put him in the cradle?" She asked.
"I've got him," Jimin stood up slowly, tip-toeing to prevent Iseul from waking up. He gently put him in the cradle they kept near their bed and then he walked out of the room with Rose to go to the living room.
"How did it go?" He asked, sitting on a couch and patting a space beside him.
Rose felt a potent shot of lust, being so close to Jimin. She had put on postpartum weight, and Jimin had always told her how much he still loved her body, but sometimes she had trouble believing him.
"It went well, but they seemed a little apprehensive about my child being so young. I told them he would come with me."
"But they have the Creche tie-up with a daycare. How does it matter?" He frowned.
Rose sighed, reflecting on his question. "I don't know. Maybe it was just me who overthought it. But they did mention that my son is still too young."
"Hmm," Jimin looked down for a moment, and Rose felt tired, the pre-interview anxiety returning to some extent as she now got ready to anticipate the result in the coming days. "At any rate... You don't have to worry about any job."
Rose stood up suddenly. "And why is that?" She asked defensively.
"Hey," Jimin said calmly. "Don't take it the wrong way. But not all mothers get back to work so quickly after the delivery. I only meant that you can take more time if nothing works."
Rose knew Jimin wasn't oppressive, or he didn't say that to hurt her confidence, but she felt it. "I want to work, Jimin," she told him. "And I wanna start as soon as possible."
Jimin raised his hands, not saying anymore after sussing out animosity from her words.
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22 May, 2025
Chapter 61: Pursuits to spurn the pain
Chapter Text
Jungkook
I kept going back to the train, returning in the night, completely drunk and at the mercy of strangers and security guards. A little tip in cash went a long way, and what was the point of being the son of a multi-billionaire man if I couldn't get my way?
I learned to control my urges. I wore make-up on the third day and attracted a lot of men who offered to take me home and treat me right. I had laughed, completely drunk and fully aware they had nothing on Jimin. That man was a God, and I deserved nothing less.
My pitiful situation was funny to me. I spent most of my hours drinking and singing loudly. People didn't judge me there. They accepted me with my pain, with my imperfections, with my gender, and I found myself healing by the seventh day.
There was a bend in the road, though. I didn't return to the dorm, passing out in the non-stop train that kept going in circles, and circles, taking new people in, letting willing people out.
I had no clue what was going to welcome me the next day.
To my horror, I had woken up on Taehyung Hyung's thigh the following morning. My head was so heavy that I needed a drink. The hangover cure was to never be sober again. As I approached one bottle, Hyung gripped my wrist and yanked me upright, looking at me with so much anger that I felt my balls curling. Until that point, I thought he was a figment of my imagination, but the skin where he had gripped me burned.
He was on the train.
"Ouch~" I protested, my voice unrecognizable and my throat burning, saliva running down my chin. Something was up with my stomach, and I could feel my mouth getting an unlimited supply of hydration, something that happened before throwing up. My eyes teared up with the intensity, and I dunked my head down.
Taehyung Hyung held a sick bag in front of my mouth and rubbed my back. I heaved once and nothing came out except clear and watery saliva, and then I heaved twice. It was like a volcanic eruption. My esophagus pushed so much content out that the bag filled up to the brim.
The smell of it was so acrid that I vomited more because of it, spilling on Hyung's hands. "Turn around," I said between my wheeze. "Don't-"
Cough.
"Don't look!"
I wheezed more.
Hyung turned his head, knowing it was humiliating for me, but I gripped his hand for the life of me.
He pacified my condition, helped me clean up, and then he took me back to the dorm while I silently pondered how the hell he found me.
Ulrich fussed over me, wanting to know how I was feeling, and it broke me to see everyone getting strung up in my antics.
I'd wanted to come home, but I'd drunk so much that I never realized when my power nap turned into a complete blackout last night.
They made me shower, and Ulrich dried my hair while Taehyung Hyung waited in the room, not saying a word.
As I covered myself under the blanket, I recollected if Hyung had said a word, but came up blank. I was in trouble, but that was the thing about alcohol. It made me not give a shit as I went under.
I didn't hear any voices, but then I woke up hours later, seeing the darkness in the room. Ulrich was out.
Where?
My eyes were closing again, and I gave in.
At one point, I dreamed about Jimin. He was with me in a dark room, looking at me with nothing but love in his eyes, and I reached over and gripped his dark blue hair to pull him close and kiss his lips. He pulled away, even in my dreams.
I got up sobbing, seeing that Ulrich was there now, the lamp on his side on. "Hey," he called me, letting me know that he was there. "You up?"
I wiped my tears, hoping he didn't hear my sound. "On and off. What time is it?" I croaked.
"It's ten. Night, in case you can't figure it out."
I remained there on the bed, closing my eyes to think about what my life had become. Then I was swept under once more. This time, I dreamed of Jimin as well as Taehyung Hyung. They were cooking something and wanted me to taste their dishes. I stood there, unsure which one to eat first. Then I woke up two hours later.
"It's twelve," Ulrich's voice sounded clear, my head feeling light after days.
I sat up and quickly dipped my legs down. My bladder felt like it would burst unless I ran to empty it, which was what I did.
After peeing a dam, I washed my face and hands and brushed my teeth. My eyes were so puffy they were hardly opening, and my skin was just glowing. I walked out, huffing and feeling like I would never be able to walk again. How in the world did I work out in the gym every day was beyond me at that time.
"Hungry?" Ulrich took a deep breath and closed his book.
I nodded.
He got up and walked over to the low table. My neck craned to follow his movements. There were two big brown bags on them. He unpacked the first one, and the fragrance hit me before I could breathe properly. "Korean food?" I asked, my eyes shining.
"There's hangover soup, Kimchi fried rice, beef stew, and fried chicken." He smiled, taking out boxes.
"Where did this come from?" I asked, getting my ass up and going to sit on the chair.
"I got it."
"From Kimchi-Noodle bar?" I asked, reading the name of the restaurant on the outer packaging.
Ulrich made a sound, but I was too busy thrashing the inner packaging to unviel the food to focus. He unboxed a few items with me. "Do you want to try?" I asked. I went to eat Korean food many times, but most of the time alone. Ulrich never showed interest in K-food, and I knew it would have been too spicy for him, but I couldn't help but offer.
"Sure," he looked happy as he dragged the bean bag close to the table and sat down on it. "Which one should I try?"
"This first," I held a spoonful of soup in front of his mouth. "And then we will eat rice and chicken. I think you'll love the rice. Chicken could be a little spicy for you. Does this look good to you?" I pointed at the stew.
"I want to try the rice next," he told me.
I slurped the soup quickly, groaning as the hot liquid went down my food pipe, thanking the food gods.
"What's in the other bag?" I asked, pushing the rice box near Ulrich for him to start eating.
"Bakery stuff. Things you like."
"Thanks, Ulrich. I could marry you right now." I told my friend.
He laughed. "Don't be silly."
"I am serious. This was very thoughtful. I would have died if I didn't eat."
He touched his nose embarrassedly, turning red. He never knew how to take a compliment. I left it at that, and we immersed ourselves in eating.
I finished everything there was in the bag, making some sort of record. I could eat a lot, but after getting drunk, I always got super hungry, but I hadn't eaten this much ever before.
After finishing all things savory, we attacked the confections. Bavarian cream was packed in a small box, looking like a foodie's wet dream. There were Donauwelle pieces in another box, a few Leipziger Lerche packed up separately, Bienenstich cake, and the world-famous Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte, also known as black forest cake. "Did you buy them for the whole Uni?" I joked even as I stuffed my face with it.
If I were in his place, I would've eaten half of the treats while waiting for him to wake up.
We laughed, ate, and burped. We laughed some more, and then we went to bed.
He didn't say anything about last week to me, and I didn't bring it up either, wanting to turn over a new leaf from tomorrow. I had some serious apologizing to do.
**
When I woke up, I didn't just wake up; my whole body was electrified. My father was standing in front of me.
"Appa!" I shot up. "What-what are you doing here? What?"
He lovingly stared at me, as much as he was capable of. Something about my father that I'd always known was that he wasn't the one to show his affection too much with words, but it was always evident in his actions. "How are you now, Jungkook?" He asked.
Did I say I was scared of my father? Oh, yeah. I fucking was. Did he know what I was up to for the last week? But if he did, he wouldn't be just standing there instead of smacking me dead. "I am... Okay?"
"Are you really?" He stepped close to my bed and sat down, his hand on my shoulder as he speculated.
"I am," I looked at Ulrich, confusion clear on my face.
"He was not fine for a bit there, but we took him to the hospital," my friend gave me a hint, and I understood who was behind this intervention.
I wanted to grab Ulrich and punch him for this. How could he?
"Thanks, son," he flashed a gentle smile to my friend. "How about I take you guys on lunch today?" He asked Ulrich first and then looked at me.
"Okay," I nodded, unable to wrap my head around that Appa was here. Ulrich had to have called him yesterday if he was here so early at noon.
"Alright, then. Gather your friends. I will go and wait in the visitors' office."
I nodded quickly before looking at Ulrich, who stood in a corner silently. I was about to pounce on him when Appa turned to me before leaving the room. "No long shower, Jungkook. We don't have time." He reminded me.
I nodded again like a child. Ulrich must've read my intentions in my tight fists. "It wasn't me," he raised his hands the moment Appa was out of the door.
"Who else would call him? No one had his number. Only you could've taken it from my phone."
"I swear, Jungkook. It wasn't me."
I stood back, looking at him, trying to believe his words. If not him, then who? There wasn't time for contemplation. We had to rush out. "I'll get to the bottom of this. I swear to god."
I showered and got dressed, taking a trench coat to wear for a son and father lunch. I wanted to look like a grown-up, even if I didn't feel like it.
Ulrich was in his only winter jacket, long and black, with a hood. When I'd once offered to take him shopping, he told me that one only had to own one good winter jacket and one good summer jacket. Anything excessive was over-consumption, and he didn't support that.
The outside was grey again. It had been days since the sun hadn't come up. The daylight hours were short as they were in winter, but the lack of sunshine put me in a sour mood.
When I saw Taehyung Hyung and Hoseok Hyung along with Wolfgang, with my father when I reached the visitor's office, my breath stopped. "Who called them?" I whispered to Ulrich.
"I did."
"Why?" I glared, stopping for a moment, making him halt.
"Mr. Jeon told me to call your friends."
What the fuck did I get myself into. Why did my father want to talk to them? "Problem?" My father asked, noticing that we were talking amongst ourselves.
"No," I chanced a glance at Taehyung Hyung, who was dripping intensity like he was still mad at me. I smiled nervously. "Let's go."
"Where are we going?" Ulrich asked, earning a hateful glare from me.
He glared right back at me.
I scoffed.
"Taehyung here tells me he knows a great place to have some pizza. Everyone likes Italian?" Appa asked.
"Yes, sir," Wolfgang said excitedly. The beast of a man when it came to muscles.
They wowed and oohed when they saw a rented limousine ride. I rolled my eyes, looking at my father. "What?" He snickered, speaking close to my ear. "I didn't want my son's friends to think I was lame."
Then we drove into the foggy streets.
As everyone sat talking to each other, I remained quiet, wondering who the hell could've called Appa. And then it came to me. "Where is Jimin Hyung?" I asked suddenly, my voice rough.
Taehyung Hyung looked at Hoseok, who answered my question. "He went for a solo day trip."
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13 Jun, 2025
Chapter 62: The day he finally became independent
Chapter Text
"I am literally half an hour away, Eomma." Jungkook hugged his mother, laughing at how she sobbed like a child. He'd broken the news that he'd found a place to start his new life a week ago, the day he'd received his first salary.
He'd worked part-time jobs before and got paid for it, but something about the money he received from the gallery was thrilling, like he knew he had arrived at his final destination, and he would be doing this for the rest of his life. It felt joyful to be paid for doing something he loved.
"I am not ready to let my baby go," she clung to Jungkook harder. The young man was leaning down so he could wrap his smaller mother in his arms. His throat constricted, but he had decided not to shed a single tear today.
Looking at his father, who was standing behind them, he silently asked for help. Mr. Jeon pried Juliane away from Jungkook, holding her forearm to turn her and hug her. She hugged her husband in the same way, harder even, urging him pleadingly to stop Jungkook. "Darling," the man wiped her face gently, rocking her body subtly with an affectionate laugh. "You should be proud of him. He's taking a big step. You shouldn't be crying. It's a happy occasion."
"Aigooo!" Jungkook's grandma poked her son with a cane. "Move!" She stood up from her chair and limped closer. "You don't know how to console a crying woman."
She pulled Julaine's wrist and dragged her back to the sofa. "Sit here," she instructed the woman she loved as her own daughter. "Did you know when I sent your husband off on his merry way, I didn't only cook good food for family dinner, I also threw a huge party in celebration."
"Mother," Mr. Jeon admonished in a gentle voice.
"You shush!" She warned, pointing her finger at him, and then her face softened as she looked at red-nosed Juliane. The woman who was too innocent for her own good. The woman who had lived her life for them, learning their ways, fulfilling her husband's expectations, and then loving Jungkook more than anything else.
Jungkook stood silently, gulping and doing his best to hold back. "The thing is, you will never be ready to let him go. I wasn't, either."
Hearing her mother-in-law speak with honesty, Juliane wiped her tears, still shaking with the tremors. "Jungkook is a good kid, and he needs your trust and courage more than ever right now."
Julaine looked back at Jungkook, his chin slightly quivering. She went back to him and hugged him again, not breaking down, but simply holding him for one last time before he left. "Promise me you'll take care of yourself. And you'll come to me if you need anything anytime."
"I promise," Jungkook smiled softly, words filled with adoration and gentleness for his mother. He leaned and kissed her cheeks. "And I will come visit anytime you want."
"Why aren't you taking me with you?" She asked like a petulant child again. That was what she became with her son.
Jungkook had thought of taking his parents to his place, but in honesty, he was ashamed of it. He didn't even have proper furnishings in the home, and he wanted to take some time to make the space liveable before his parents came to see it. Or he knew it would break their heart. His father wouldn't say anything, but his mother, the sweet woman in his arms, would bring him right back home.
Maybe he would get a bigger place after some time and then take them with him. "Let me go get things in order, and then I will invite all of you."
She nodded, but Mr. Jeon remained silent. He was a man and a father. He understood more than he let on. After putting some of Jungkook's luggage in a car and sending him away, he came inside the house.
It looked empty, like it had been almost a decade ago when Jungkook had gone off to study in Germany. All he wanted was to go to Jungkook and convince him to come back, but he knew it was a practical decision more than an emotional one, and he needed to let his son find his path, just like his father let him.
His mother was a strong woman, and when he went to check on her in her room, she was sound asleep, but it took effort for him to put his wife to sleep. Hours later, he stayed awake, knowing that the first day would be hard on Jungkook, and it worried him more than his own loneliness.
He sat up and put on his glasses, trying to read a book as he waited for the morning to come and to hear from Jungkook soon.
**
Jungkook woke up on the bare mattress on his floor. The silk sheets he had brought from home had all been cluttered to one side. His pillow was on the floor. Everything looked overwhelming. When he had come in the last night, he didn't do anything except open his living room windows before lying down on the floor.
The new mattress had been delivered and placed in the living room, and he liked the placement better. He had already eaten at home, so he didn't have to worry about food last night, but he had to go and hunt for groceries now.
He had planned to go to the art gallery today after two weeks, but before that, he needed to sort some things. He unpacked his three bags full of clothes and put them in the small wardrobe. They had been sorted before packing, so he only had to place them inside without losing much time.
Then he grabbed the towels and brought them to the bathroom to place them on the organizing racks. He noticed a round mark on the wall where the mirror must have been.
He returned to see his clothes on the floor, which he had taken off before sleeping. He stood in his underwear and zoned out, staring at a spot for long minutes.
When his alarm rang, he jumped into action.
He took a quick shower and then got ready to go out, choosing light blue denim jeans and a light yellow button-up shirt. He was still wearing his expensive watch, which looked so out of place.
Putting on a pair of black Oxfords, he grabbed a small shopping bag and went out. The manager had shared a map of the area and the local market, along with a few supermarkets in the vicinity. Following the map, he reached a supermarket two minutes later.
In a rush, he bought the cleaning supplies, milk, a loaf of bread, and eggs. It wasn't too bad for the first time. He decided to take another trip in the evening to buy some fruits, vegetables, and meat.
Going back home, he quickly prepared scrambled eggs and ate them with toast. With one hour to spare, he started walking to the gallery with his small work bodybag. He didn't have a fancy laptop or cool company badge, but as he got closer to the gallery, he felt satisfied and content.
It was also a forty-minute walk from his new place, and he was ecstatic to have saved the cab money. His thoughts were mundane, his happiness ordinary, and surprisingly, that made him happy at that moment.
Just as he ambled inside the gallery with his biometric access, he noticed that both of the paintings he had done in the last month were gone.
He was the first one to arrive. With no one to ask around, he went upstairs to check, in case Mingyu had placed them there. They sometimes rotated the pieces to show the variety to the onlookers.
He couldn't focus after finding his paintings gone.
Coming back, he waited for Mingyu. Instead, the salesgirl came in and started doing her routine after greeting him. They didn't have many customers, though. They considered it a profit if they sold four pieces a month. "Do you know what happened to the paintings that were on the main entrance?" He asked.
The girl, who was dusting one of the paintings, stopped and looked at Jungkook. "They were sold last Friday." She told Jungkook happily, knowing he had been the artist.
"Sold? To Whom?"
"I don't have all those details. The manager can help you with it."
"Okay," Jungkook collected his wits, unsure how to react. He had made two paintings, and both of them were sold in a few weeks. At least a bit relieved that the pieces weren't lost, he went back upstairs.
A part of him felt at a loss. He had drawn and painted before, but he held onto each piece. Without having said goodbye to the first commissioned ones he had ever done, 'the innocent teenager,' made him want to stare at a wall and contemplate, but he decided not to overthink.
The gallery provided him with everything he needed to draw or paint, but he wanted to own his own set, kind of like a hairdresser having their own set of scissors. He took out the new brushes from his body bag, ready to work.
**
Jimin sat down, his heart beating so hard that he hated feeling like that. It had been a few months since he'd opened his own hospital. He was ready to stop practicing and get into administration, to run the business side of things, to interview good doctors, and to manage the finances, but time and time again, he couldn't find himself saying no to the juniors who asked for help.
Every time any serious case came to his notice, he went running, wanting to solve one last case, and that was when he told himself repeatedly that it was the last time he was operating on anyone. But it didn't stop.
When the nurse came to look for him this morning, he told her that Dr. Choi was a capable doctor and directed her to him. And then that feeling of apprehension washed over him, ounces of thick, black tar of guilt clinging to him. He wasn't doing anything illegal, but he still felt like being unethical somehow with his choice. He knew it would go away eventually, but that day was not today.
What he loved about administrative things was that he didn't need to be in his office to get the work done, and that was why he had scheduled a quick lunch with his father.
Leaving the hospital, he went straight to his car in the parking lot and drove to the restaurants they had agreed to meet at.
His father and he had strains in the relationship that couldn't be mended. He lived all his life after his mother's accident believing that, but when he got married, something had changed in Jimin. He understood the value of a family more, and he started reaching out to his father after Iseul was born.
He would have loved to host him at home, but to this day, Mr. Park wasn't a big fan of the German daughter-in-law and her family. At least they were doing a monthly lunch together since Iseul, which Jimin thought was enough for now.
When he entered the restaurant, his father was already waiting for him. "Appa," maybe it was how he was flooded with stress, but he bent down to hug his old man. "How are you?"
The surprised man worriedly looked at Jimin when he pulled back. "You don't seem well. Is everything okay at home?"
"All's well," Jimin heaved a sigh and sat down on the chair. "Just work and stuff. Sometimes it gets the best of you."
Mr. Park wasn't a stranger to that. He had spent his life immersed in work, making it a source of belonging after the love of his life departed him, and that was why he understood that he'd made a mistake, and he hoped that his son wouldn't follow in his footsteps. "You need to take a break from time to time."
Jimin nodded, thinking for a moment. "Do you think I could take Jihyun with me for a weekend trip?"
Mr. Park didn't speak immediately. He leaned back on the chair, looking down at the menu. "Where?" He asked simply.
"Somewhere quiet. I haven't visited him in months. With Iseul, my hospital, and my gallery, I haven't had a lot of free time on my hands. I miss him."
"You know what's good for you both," Mr. Park granted the permission. "Tell me more about your hospital."
Jimin smiled, understanding his father's trust and interest in him. "It's going smoothly. I still need a few investors. I am looking for them."
"You can come by the office," Mr. Park spoke instantly without losing a beat, holding the menu to read it. "I can help with that."
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18 Jun, 2025
Chapter 63: Kicking into a full routine
Chapter Text
Jungkook
Bringing my father here was a dick move, but I had to admit it worked to some extent. Seeing him boggled me so much that the mind-bending pain stopped, even temporarily.
When we ate with Appa, I acted as if nothing was bothering me, and when he asked me secretly if I hadn't brought any of my 'lady' friends, I even smiled at him. He'd said, 'You know you can always talk to me about anything, don't you?' I knew what he wanted me to divulge, but that was a thing I didn't want to worry about just yet.
He left for Korea the same evening, giving me more cash than I could spend until my next break.
While living with my parents after the realization of my sexual preference, I only had one worry. And that was how to come out to them and when, but I'd seen more in life now, and coming out wasn't exactly still on my priority stress list.
It was not my body that hurt anymore; it was my soul. And there was no remedy for it in the world. Not the sickness any doctor could cure, so I turned to the philosophers, public motivators, books, and anything remotely logical to help me in any way.
I had already gone out one morning for a walk and found a QR code sticker on a pillar. It had been for a runner's club, and I had enrolled in it.
One of the books I read also talked about picking a hobby that would be good for my physical health, so I decided to finally give it a shot.
And realized soon enough that whoever thought of running as a hobby was the biggest sadist. I liked to think of myself as a physically fit guy. I ran on the treadmills every day, but somehow, as it turned out, running outside was not the same.
I couldn't finish a kilometer without feeling my legs burning and being out of breath. I believed it to be more of a mental rather than a physical hindrance. I should have aimed for a 5K or 10K first, but no, being confident in my abilities, I signed up for a 50K marathon, which was arranged in twenty days.
I could always go back on my word, but why would I do that? The whole point of running was to keep myself busy and exhausted to the point that Jimin's memories couldn't come to me, or if they somehow overpowered me, they wouldn't put me down.
I didn't tell anyone, not even Ulrich, when one day I fainted in the room. Ulrich had assumed that I was sleeping. I just couldn't process all my emotions. I'd seen Jimin smiling with Rose earlier that morning, and that was enough to start an anxiety attack. My heartbeats had been crazy the whole day, and I passed out during the evening.
When I regained consciousness, the lights in the room had been turned off. I cried myself into the next morning, thinking of my parents and how they would feel if I died of heartbreak. It would be so tragic. Who died of heartbreak?
What would people say to my parents if they got to know what happened to me? I never cared for people, neither did my mother, but my father was different. He loved us dearly, but he also had a reputation in the social circle. He had earned a name for himself in society, and he had a duty to fulfil.
Thinking of my father made me question how I would have come out to him if Jimin and I were miraculously together. That would have been another battle to fight, but for now, I was only focusing on surviving one day at a time.
The next morning had been horrible. I went through my new routine.
It was a marathon practice run at first, and then a shower and breakfast. The classes started soon after.
I had missed quite a lot in the past few weeks, and it was such a relief that I could at least focus on my studies. In fact, that was the only thing where I was hyper-focused. It centered my mind.
I had been skipping football for months now, but I started one faithful day, doing my best not to look at Jimin.
But how could I not? He was right there, running, sweating, and screaming from time to time. I noticed how he avoided looking at me, too, and fuck if it didn't hurt. The first year of my university had made me believe that I could have it all. A normal life of a young adult with friends, and probably someday, a lover, too. But I lost them all. All hope.
Taehyung Hyung was also distant, and it pricked in a different kind of way. I had hurt him time and time again, and I wasn't even sure that I deserved his forgiveness. The loss of friendship also weighed on me.
The whole night after the first day on the football field, I couldn't sleep, his face from the day flashing in front of my eyes.
And then the next night. It was the same.
I was doing better during the day, but my nights were starting to be a new nightmare for me. I did everything to put him out of my mind, and in return, I lost sleep repeatedly.
At first, I coaxed myself to sleep.
Did what I saw in those videos.
Used white noises and whatnot.
Then I became frustrated, and soon I accepted defeat when I couldn't sleep for two weeks in a row.
By the time the third week rolled in, I took it as a challenge. If my mind was dragging me to hell, I was willing to exhaust myself so much physically that I didn't have a choice but to shut off.
So on top of my marathon practice and football, I also added swimming and gym to my evening schedule, along with my three-hour part-time job as a waiter.
And after three weeks, I finally slept.
Everyone had noticed the dark underbags I was sporting. My teachers had also been concerned. When I told Ulrich that I had finally found the cheat code to put me to sleep, he was happy, but I still wasn't. How could I when I constantly bore the feeling of immense loss all the time? I wanted to feel normal again.
I had read at least dozens of books, and one of them said that to develop a habit or a discipline, one needed consistency. I also read about the power of manifestation and gratefulness.
Then one day, I smiled at Jimin as he passed by. He looked perplexed for a beat, but gave me a nod, nonetheless. It started with a friendly exchange, but I wanted it to continue. A wave here and there, or simply a 'good job' to him at the end of football games. It wasn't for myself, but I did that for Jimin. It was uncomfortable for both of us to be in the common space, more for him. He had already given me a deep connection, a valuable friendship, and confidentiality. I could never undo all the negative things he felt because of me, but I could try to make it better for him.
I learned one thing after all my efforts. I couldn't reverse or reduce my feelings for him, and I made peace with loving h im from afar. Pitiful, right? But I'd been to hell and back, and I couldn't. Help. It.
"Geez!" I startled Ulrich by opening the door loudly.
"Sorry," I mouthed, lowering the volume of the music playing in my ears before taking the iPods off.
"I brought breakfast in the room." He tipped his chin towards the chair.
I glanced at it. "Thank you," I told my friend, really feeling grateful. I ran longer today, and I knew I would have to skip breakfast if I were to make it in time in class.
"Can I talk to you?" Ulrich asked me.
"What's up?" I ran into the bathroom to wash my face and hands so I could devour the food first.
He waited for me to return and watched me as I attacked the food. "I can no longer take your money, so you need to quit the job."
"Why?" I asked, my mouth full of the chunk I bit off my bread. Putting the cold-cut salami between the slices with a slice of cheese, I took another bite, waiting for him.
"I earned enough," he shrugged simply.
While I switched from job to job throughout the year, he stayed put to teach a few school students. I knew it paid well, but damn! How much did he actually make? "Really?"
"Yes," he clicked his tongue and got up, walking to me. "And it's time you stop. I am really thankful for your help."
"Don't, Ulrich. You know there's no place for formalities in our friendship."
"Fine," he smiled, face turning vibrant with his teeth on display. "I never thought you could work, but you proved me wrong. I'll take you out to dinner. A loser's punishment if you may."
"You know I never say no to a good buffet spread."
He chuckled and walked away while I began to sort my mind. If I didn't go to work, what would I do with my free three hours to keep myself occupied? I would admit that work wasn't always my favorite, but it had become a habit in a ye a r and a half.
I started working when I was in the first semester, and we were approaching the middle of the third semester soon. Now not only I, but Ulrich was also going to be free at that time. "What would we do with all that extra time in our schedule?"
"I was thinking Yoga."
"Ahhh-No." I looked at him like he was crazy.
"Why not?"
"I don't see you as a Yoga kinda guy. Why don't we do something else? Maybe go to the ice rink? I'll pay for it."
"Ahhh-No." He frowned, speaking in the same tone as I did.
I huffed in exasperation. "What about something indoors? Is there something we are both good at and also like?"
"Why don't we do our own things but together?"
I thought for a moment.
"It would be like a 'Friends hour' for us to bond. I am good at puzzles. You can also join me sometimes."
"I am good at the arts," I told him, thinking he was on to something. The more I was alone, the more depressive my thoughts got. Staying together and busy seemed like the greatest idea of all time. Staying busy was crucial to me.
"Impressive!" He clapped once. "You do your art thingy. I will get my puzzles."
"Okay then," I nodded warily. "What time?"
"After dinner. Let's break the study session and push it back to a few hours."
"Deal!"
**
Ulrich placed at least five boxes of puzzles under the low table, clearing the tabletop. I watched him being excited as he inverted one box on the flat surface, the pieces clattering together into a heap. "How many are they?" I asked, picking one to inspect the colorful and shiny material.
"This one had a thousand and twenty-five pieces." He informed me proudly.
"And how long will it take for you to complete them?" I asked, doubtful.
"I don't know. A few days."
"Dude!" My eyes widened in warning. "You are not thinking of leaving them on the table for weeks. Do you?"
"Don't be ridiculous, Jungkook. Of course, I am," he patronised me. "I will have to leave them here. How else will I continue my progress if I fold them and put them in a box every time I make some progress? Are you an idiot?"
"Where will I study?" I asked like it was the biggest of my worries.
"On your bed. Like you always do." He was hardly paying attention to me by then, his eyes shining. I hadn't known he loved puzzles so much. I would've gifted him a few a long time ago. Then again, how would I have known when he was always doing what I wanted to do? Like partying with the seniors. My cheeks burned in shame.
He noticed my demeanor and stopped momentarily. "Where is your paper and pen?"
"Ah," I snapped out of it quickly. "I didn't buy one. I will start from tomorrow."
"No," he walked over to his nightstand, leaving the placement of his puzzle pieces. "You use this paper for today." He brought a plain white A3-size sheet. "It's your first day. And you are not going to put them in the exhibition. Just draw anything that comes to mind. It's supposed to be therapeutic, not perfect. It should make you happy."
"Yeah," biting my lip, I looked at the sheet like it was a wonder. It was only a piece of paper, but I sensed what Ulrich was trying to do by keeping me busy and happy, and that was a wonder in the form of a human. "Why are we doing this again?" I asked, my eyes betraying me.
He smiled without a word.
I also didn't say anything, but I definitely walked over to him and sat on the floor to hug him.
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3 Jul, 2025
Chapter 64: The land of dumbstruck
Chapter Text
"Check with him," Jimin paced the office reception, instructing Mingyu.
The man dialed Jungkook's number, waiting for him to answer, but there was no response. He shook his head at Jimin.
"Again." The man barked.
Mingyu didn't understand why Jimin was so panic-stricken. It wasn't like Jungkook had volunteered to participate in any of the agendas of their Annual gala. Even if he didn't come, the event would still go on smoothly.
This time, Jungkook picked up the call. "Hey," Mingyu breathed quickly. "Oh my god! I was calling you for hours... Uh-huh... Shit! I was busy. I didn't see your calls yesterday, but why aren't you here?... Here, as in the corporate office. Um... What- What do you mean? Fuck... I- I am so sorry. I messed up. I didn't think about your laptop and we had sent out the announcements weeks ago... I'll sort this out, but can you come to the office right now?"
Jimin waited impatiently for Mingyu to finish.
"Thank you, Jungkook. We'll wait for you."
"What did he say?" Jimin asked immediately as Mingyu disconnected the call.
"It's my fault," Mingyu disclosed slowly. "We didn't give him a laptop, and I also forgot to configure the company e-mail on his phone. He never received any announcement about the gala event. I mentioned it to him once, but he never asked any questions about it, so I thought he must've known."
Jimin wanted to burst out at Mingyu for the huge oversight, but he controlled himself, relieved that Jungkook would be there. "Is he coming?" He asked to verify what he undesrstood from their conversation, which was the only thing that mattered at that moment.
"Yes."
One word put him at ease, and he nodded at the manager before excusing himself inside.
He had leased two floors for the offices. One floor was for the hospital staff, the statisticians, clinical trial associates, and medical writers who published papers. There were finance, IT, and HR people. The other floor was entirely dedicated to the supervising managers and gallery staff.
The floor they were on also had the biggest boardrooms and event halls. He had started his hospital less than a year ago, and the gallery had been opened shortly after. They were already making profits, and to celebrate, he thought to kick off a yearly event, like what they used to do at the Uni for celebration.
Both his medical and non-medical staff gathered in the cafeteria — a colossal room with wide space. The admin, along with a few volunteers, had created a small stage and rented a speaker and mics for the day. Everyone was waiting around the cafeteria for the event to start, and Jimin decided he had already let them wait for too long and started the event with a small address as he got on the small stage.
Hello, everyone.
The chatter around the room died slowly.
Welcome to the first-ever gala night celebration for The Park Associates. I am Park Jimin, as many of you must know. If someone doesn't, I am the CEO.
The people all gathered, holding glasses of their drinks.
When I thought of starting two very different but lucrative businesses, my vision was simple. I wanted to increase employment on the healthcare frontlines and provide better cardiology care to the patients in Busan.
And today, we are well on our way with 70 staff hired in the first two quarters, and thirty more openings will be coming soon.
The crowd began to clap, the sound ringing through the roof. Jimin let it reach down a little before he spoke again.
Similarly, for my art gallery, my vision is simple. My connection with the art is personal. I want my artists' works to be recognized. This team is very small but very close to me. We work in harmony, and we are soon going to do an exhibition. Everyone from the Park Associates will have the passes to visit, if you want.
The exhibit will expand for seven days. You guys can take flexible hours at the hospital and visit with family or alone. This isn't a sales pitch, but a good occasion to tell you that anyone buying from the gallery will get special employee discounts.
The laughter from employees echoed.
**
Jungkook was at the reception of the office when he heard noises coming from the right direction. He had been in this building for an interview only twice and didn't know much about the layout. As advised by Mingyu to go to the cafeteria, he asked at the reception for guidance.
The receptionist called over a staff member and sent her with Jungkook.
As he was walking, he heard the music followed by wild cheers.
"Thank you," he bowed and smiled politely at the girl accompanying him on seeing the cafeteria board. "I can take it from here."
She bowed before walking back in the direction they came from. Jungkook took a deep breath before stepping inside. Second-guessing himself, he couldn't even fully appreciate the splendor of the night.
He could've apologized to Mingyu and said something when the man invited him, but he couldn't make excuses on the spot. Hell, as his eyes raked the expanse of space, he thought he could turn back now and leave and apologize to Mingyu later, but his feet froze.
His eyes fell on Jimin on the stage, slowly starting to move. It blew him away to the land of dumbstruck, stationing him and instantly filling him with a handful of pleasant memories.
There once was a time when he shared the stage with Jimin. The same man who was out-of-this-world attractive. The kind that took eons to perfect.
Looking at the magnificent talent in an all-white suit, adrenaline filled his body, as though he was moving with Jimin, as though he was also burning his vocal cords, screaming down for him like the rest of the others.
The lights glinted in Jimin's black hair, turning it blue, just like it had been when Jungkook was in his third semester at the University.
He stood by a pillar, taking cover while still admiring the man in front of him. There were hardly a hundred people in the crowd, compared to the thousands they had at the Uni. Jungkook thought maybe that was why Jimin's eyes flashed to him easily, and something crossed in them. Memories? Nostalgia?
He watched Jimin under the pretense of his duty as an employee, observing the mastery of movements on stage by the man commanding it like a born performer. That was what Jimin was.
The depth of his gaze and the gentle expressions coupled with enticing moves swept Jungkook away, and that had nothing to do with his feelings. Jungkook was just another admirer of the living and breathing art in front of him.
**
"I am glad you could come," Jimin, after summoning heaps of courage, found himself walking up to Jungkook, who was lightly nibbling on finger food with caution, like it would cause him indigestion if he took a mouthful.
Lowering his hand, Jungkook couldn't help but gulp a little, unfocused for a moment. His mind buzzed with unstable silence, and his mouth as though locked from inside, in sync with his empty thoughts.
Jimin couldn't help but be amazed again by how different Jungkook was from when he last saw him. He had longer hair, his face was more chiseled and silohuette sharp. He stood with great posture, like a powerful man that was backed by old money, not some energetic teenager with boyish excitement.
When Jungkook didn't say anything, Jimin picked a glass from the bar counter and smiled at the waitress before turning his frame towards the crowd and taking a small sip. He watched people chatting with big smiles. A group cackled to their left while a few young women cooed at something on their right. He kept his eyes on no one in particular as he let the realization sink in that he had been afraid when he lashed out at Mingyu, irrationally fearing that Jungkook had disappeared again. He couldn't take another disappearing act. Although Jungkook was back — Jimin felt that a big chunk of tension had eased — there was a long way to forgiveness.
His phone pinged with a vibration, and he worried that if he were to reach for it, Jungkook, who was otherwise transfixed, would take that excuse as a way out. He finally dared to turn towards the younger male with a great deal of caution. "I need your time. You have to let me apologize."
Jungkook put the small plate back on the nearby counter, rubbing his fingers.
Jimin was quick to grab a napkin from the bar and hand it to his junior. The younger accepted it without a thought, and Jimin visibly noticed the former taking deep breaths.
He lowered his lashes to the ground, guilt and something unrecognizable making his throat tight with a sense of deep loss. "Can we please talk? I can't pretend that nothing happened, Jungkook. I've looked for you for six years."
That made Jungkook snap his head at Jimin in stupefaction.
"You looked for me?" He asked so slowly that if Jimin wasn't standing so close, he could've missed it.
Jimin's face expressed his inner turmoil. He realized that Jungkook's voice had also changed. "You disappear in the middle of the semester right after my wedding. Do you really think it didn't affect my life?"
"Why?" Jungkook asked and instantly regretted it. It took him too long to mend himself and restore, at least to the extent that he could free himself from the past, but he found the newly-found bitterness he didn't want ensnaring him again wholly, pushing him deep into the dredges.
"Because," Jimin lost composure, his arm gripping the back of his neck. He pulled on to his muscle to make it hurt. Taking a quick, calming breath, he lowered his arm. "Can we go somewhere private and talk?"
"I don't think I want to talk, Jimin," Jungkook declared with quick verdict. "I don't owe you my past. Besides, I am more interested in my present. Visiting the past is not what I want. It's not what is good for me."
If the intensity of his look could crumble the sheltered secrets, Jimin's eyes threatened to unearth everything. Jungkook couldn't glance at Jimin being hurt. What did he have to be so hurt about anyway?
A chink created in his armor seeing those desolate eyes and his own scars from the past stung, letting him know that they weren't completely healed, as opposed to what he had made himself believe.
How stupid could he be that he still couldn't see Jimin in any sort of pain, but that was what it was. "I am sorry," he sighed softly. "I didn't mean to be disrespectful." Jungkook put the used napkin on the side of his plate. There was a day when he thought he couldn't face Jimin, but today, he fell into a sense of new normalcy, making him believe that he was going to be okay, perhaps. "Since I have registered my presence, I'd like to be excused now. The event was really well-organized. Enjoy the rest of your evening."
The flush of embarrassment coated Jimin's cheeks as he stepped aside, giving way to Jungkook when he wanted nothing but to grip his wrist and yank him back. "Thanks for coming on short notice. Take care."
"I will."
Jungkook walked away.
As he watched the silhouette of the man disappear from the hall, he let out a breath he realized he was holding.
On checking his phone, he saw Taehyung's text.
Can we meet?
Yes. Where?
He replied desperately. If he wanted to sort his head, he needed to talk to someone. Informing Mingyu, he took leave and drove to a nearby bar where Taehyung had agreed to see him.
He parked his car and texted Rosenow that he was going to be further late before walking through the grungy door.
The smell of cigarettes and alcohol made him feel suffocated in the small area. He tipped the waiter to provide him a table upstairs with some privacy and waited for his friend. Taehyung appeared after ten minutes of waiting.
Jimin smiled at him. Taehyung pressed his palm on the former's back while taking a seat. "Interesting place."
"I couldn't think of any other place at this time of the night. At least it's close to our houses."
"Yeah," Taehyung looked around, pressing his lips together while he observed.
"So? What did you want to talk about?" Jimin couldn't be patient.
"I met Jungkook."
Jimin watched his friend looking down and waited for him to continue.
"I wanted to let you know that everything has ended now. I have given you a hard time," Taehyung huffed in self-deprecation. "It was all because of him. So it only makes sense that I tell you that the last sliver of hope I was harboring is now buried. It's gone. He was never mine to begin with. I should've let it go when fate warned me, but I went after him against nature, and look where I am now. No clearer and closer to my purpose or my future after a decade."
Jimin felt relieved.
"At least you don't have any regrets. You did everything you could.
"Do you have regrets?" His friend looked at him as he asked.
Did he? Jimin smiled numbly. Didn't he have a deluge of regrets? He had. He didn't even know what he regretted, but he knew if he could turn back time, he would stop Jungkook from disappearing.
"I don't know. Don't we all?"
Taehyung's eyes flashed in silence.
"Can I ask you something?" Jimin said after a beat. After getting a nod from the other man, he asked. "Since we are amending our relationship again, can you please tell me what happened? Where was he for six years?"
It was a sensitive subject, Jimin knew, but he hoped that Taehyung would finally let go of all the screened secrets and open his heart to him like before.
Taehyung thought about his lunch with Jungkook and how the boy had asked him for confidence and secrecy. He asked him not to say a word about what he shared with anyone. He had made a promise, but for his friend, he wanted to break it. He had cut Jimin off all those years ago because of pettiness and revenge after he lost sight of Jungkook when Mr. Jeon made him disappear. The only easy outlet he could direct his anger at was Jimin. Since he let go of all those toxic emotions, it only made sense to come clean.
But.
He couldn't betray Jungkook. If carrying Jungkook's secret was the last selfless act of love he had to do, he'd do it. "Only Jungkook can give you that answer, Jimin. Even I am not entirely sure what he was up to. He gave me a bland version of it. I am sure the reality was much more vivid, but whatever little I know about his emotions and situation, it's not my secret to share. I am so sorry."
He could still tell Jimin that Jungkook attempted suicide, but he wanted to bless his friend with ignorance, knowing it would break Jimin's kind heart.
The doctor could feel the genuineness with which Taehyung spoke. He shook his head, maturely assuring his friend that he shouldn't be burdened. He simply had to be patient and convince Jungkook to talk to him.
≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾
17 Jul, 2025
Chapter 65: A date-date
Chapter Text
Taehyung
"You all right?" I asked Jimin, whom I have been silently observing. We were in a park as the weather was finally getting normal. It was still cold, but it wasn't bite-the-flesh-off-bone kind of cold. We had been sitting here for over twenty minutes, and he hadn't said a thing.
"Me?" He asked, a little perplexed that I pointed it out.
"Yeah," I baby-crawled to seat myself next to him, joining hips. Rosenow and Anja were laughing at something, and Christoph and Wolfgang were throwing popcorn at each other, their disagreement getting heated by the minute as they fought for friendly dominance.
"I have been thinking a lot lately," he told me, and I quirked my brows, seeing Hoseok on the other side, laser-focused on a dance tutorial video.
"About who?"
"It's not who. It's what."
That made me frown. "Would you care to explain?"
" We are in the middle of our fifth year. We have exams in three weeks, and you know the second semester of each year passes in a jiffy. Before we know it, we will be seniors, in our last year of university. The closer I get to graduation, the more I feel this unsettling feeling inside me, and I know the signs. As time passed, I've known them better, but I was stuck here then."
"Is it again that you didn't want to be a medico?" I asked, sighing. I have heard the same story at least a hundred times. He complained a lot in the beginning, saying there was no motivation left in the world for him to be a doctor. He was never interested in becoming a doctor, but what I never understood was why he didn't back off. I remember telling him that if he regretted it so much, he should go back when we were still in the first year, but he never did.
His head hung low, and I felt like an asshole for being exasperated. I didn't have anyone forcing their decisions on me, and I pretty much lived life on my terms. I couldn't even imagine how it was weighing down on him. "Look," I held his hand, rubbing my thumb over his thermal Hanley shirt. "You've made it this far. You can see through the end, and for its worth, I think you'll become a brilliant doctor."
"Of course, I will," he said cockily. "I scored better than you in all years."
The hand that I had put on him for comfort now pinched him, hard.
He wriggled out of my reach, laughing loudly. For that moment, everything seemed right. This was the group that stayed together for five years. We essentially went into adulthood with each other. And this was how I'd imagined us until the end, only if Jungkook hadn't charged into our lives and changed my life's trajectory.
As I stared into the sun hidden behind sparse clouds, I couldn't help but feel an empty ache.
Jimin
I looked at Taehyung and smiled. It was funny how he had changed, and he didn't even realize it. He was more caring towards people than before, more responsible, and if I had to give credit, there was no one deserving than Jungkook.
The boy had brought that side to Taehyung.
What stung me was that Jungkook didn't look at my friend as he wanted him to, how I wanted Jungkook to.
When Tae just asked me what I was thinking about, I intentionally hid the fact that I wasn't ready to take my relationship to the next level. Yeah, it sounded bad. I've been with Rosenow for five years now, and it wasn't wrong if she wanted me to meet her parents, which I had promised to do this year during our semester holidays, but as the half-yearly exams approached soon, I felt disconnected from everything.
And Jungkook bothered me more than I let on. Seeing him writhing in pain, his silent eyes on me as he looked at me with hope, I was broken. I could deny it all I wanted, but I shared some form of connection with him. I guess it was because I knew how deeply he cared for me — I intentionally avoided the thought that he loved me, because that did something to me, like I was standing on a cliff on a night, something was about to barrel into me, and I needed to avoid that collision because I didn't know what would happen if I fell — and when I did nothing but to forsake him or hurt him, I felt...empty. Guilty. To no fault of my own.
I stayed up most nights, thinking about his pain. I wished I could give him what he needed, but for that, I would have to be reborn. His mood affected me. The things that were happening to me put me in a spot that I hated with all my heart.
I didn't choose my career path. I was going to resent my future. The only good thing right now was my relationship with Rose, but that was also dwindling because of external pressure from his parents. I wanted to live. I owed it to my mother and my brother, but sadly, I wasn't living. I was surviving.
Taehyung gripping my wrist like a vice made me look at him. His eyes were wide, and he was choking on words, looking at his phone.
I peeked at it and seeing Jungkook's name surprised me, too. He had been keeping his distance from all of us. I wondered what he wanted now. Every time I trusted him that he'd moved on, he found his way back to me, despite my pleas to give Taehyung a chance. My mind then drifted to the harmful thoughts. Was he okay? Why was he calling? Did he need help? "Pick up!" I frowned, urgency in my voice.
Taehyung got up to take a walk a few meters away from us. It wasn't far enough that I couldn't hear him if I strained my ears to him, and it wasn't close enough to hear if I paid no attention.
I found myself listening in on the conversation. This was another thing that annoyed the fuck out of me. Jungkook had put me in a superior spot of his attention, and even though I didn't want to take it, I also felt vain when I felt that anyone else was going for it.
I knew Taehyung's intentions, and I wanted Jungkook and him to get together, but something twisted inside me felt slightly envious. "Are you sure?" Taehyung asked, closing his fists and eyes, and looking up at the sky.
"I'll go to you... Okay... I'll be there in fifteen."
I peeked into Hoseok's phone screen the moment Taehyung turned to me with the biggest grin on his face. I pretended to see the club dance moves when my heart throbbed. I just knew that whatever it was between Jungkook and me was over, and I should've been happy. I think I was happy. For my friend. For Jungkook and my friendship. But I was also sad to let it go, like a divorce. It was freeing and ensured that there was a possibility of better days, but one still felt sad to let go of the trauma bond they had formed in a toxic relationship.
"You need to go?" I smiled genuinely, bringing a little mischief to my tone.
"Yes."
Reaching for the car keys in my pocket, I handed them to my friend like a blessing from me, and he hollered a 'see ya' at everyone before vamoosing out of the park.
I hoped Jungkook didn't play with his heart again. It was best for everyone.
Jungkook
I watched Taehyung Hyung approach me, a slow smile on his face. His hair was long, with slightly wavy curls falling on his forehead. He was an immensely handsome man, and if I had feelings for him, I would've considered myself lucky that he chose me.
"You came," I said, blinking up at him.
"You called."
Our eyes connected for a beat, and I was the one who laughed first.
He followed me, sitting down on the ground on the left side of the Uni wing. There was nothing in front of us but a grass embankment and a wall. The sun wasn't fully out. I crinkled my face, closing an eye to look up at the sky as I uprooted the grass from the scale. "Thanks, Hyung," I said first. "For everything."
"Don't mention it," he leaned down on one elbow and fronted me.
I thought it'd be uncomfortable to talk to him, but even though I was nervous before, the dynamism between us remained positive, and I found myself speaking freely. "I should. You have been watching over me since I came here, and I want you to know that I am very thankful for it, even if sometimes I am a brat."
His hand rested on my arm as he laughed in a high pitch, his voice so soothing to the ears. "I like taking care of my brat, so no need to thank me."
I gulped. This part was a bit disturbing, but I needed to get it out. I felt him pulling his arm away. "I have not hidden anything from you, Hyung. I will not do the same again. I want our friendship, or whatever we will be in the future, to be honest." Slowly, I turned to him so I could look at his sincere face. He nodded, giving me the affirmation I needed. "I have been to a very dark place, Hyung. The whole year last year was a whirlwind. I thought I could change Jimin Hyung's mind, but I was wrong."
"You were young. You still are."
I chuckled airily, sadness seeping into my skin again. "I had a different aim this year, but now I know I have been wrong about him. I came here after the holidays with an intention, and when I saw it not playing out as I planned it to be, I spiraled out of control."
I waited for him to comment on the train incident. I hadn't properly talked to him after that for weeks until now. I didn't even know how he figured out where I was. He didn't say anything, so I continued. "My health wasn't what it used to be. And I am dealing with sleep apnea."
Hyung sat straight. "Jungkook," his tone was slightly harsh. "Why didn't you talk to me?"
I shrugged.
"How long?"
"Two months now."
"Jungkook," his face was empathetic and a bit angry. "I am taking you to a doctor."
I looked at my hands in my lap and then back at him. "I am doing better now, or at least I think I will be."
"How so?" He went ahead and reached for my hand. I didn't oppose and let him hold it. He placed my palm between his warm ones, and his thumb moved in a clockwise direction. My mind immediately went to Jimin. What would it have felt like if he had done it? But I dragged it back to the present.
"I am trying to move on."
"And?" His grip turned tight.
"I don't know if I am wrong, Hyung... But- I thought-"
"Yes?"
"I thought - that is, if you still want to - we could... Try and date?"
I didn't know what he thought. Did he think I was selfish? I waited, but he didn't let on what was going on in his head. Maybe I'd get rejected, but I was determined to say what I wanted to. "I am not going to lie to you. Ever since I returned from the hospital, I have been trying to find ways to put a stop to this. I am hurt all the time, Hyung. It hurts to even breathe, not physically, but somehow it does. I have read a ton of self-help books. I have been watching a lot of motivational speakers. I joined a runner's club. I am running a marathon in a few days. I keep myself busy. I am trying my best to take him out of my mind and heart, but it's been challenging. Ulrich is also helping me."
His brows did a little movement, but he didn't say anything.
"You told me to pretend to love you, to date you even if it wasn't what I felt. I thought-" Now that I heard my words out loud, I knew how I came across. I stopped, not wanting to finish that sentence.
When I tried to pull my hand away from him, he gripped me tighter, making my heart skip a beat as he leaned closer and said three words. "Look at me."
I shook my head, my eyes burning suddenly. I wasn't a nice person. I was sure I would burst into flames, feeling so small and disgusting.
"Jungkook, look at me, please."
When he urged so gently, I did. He took my other palm in his hands and remained so close I could smell peppermint from his breath. "I love you."
My eyes widened slightly, and the tears I was holding in rolled out from them. "I didn't know I could love like this, but I do love you. Don't feel that you are obligated to love me back. I don't want that from you. What I need from you is honesty. Promise me that you'll do this with one hundred percent effort. Promise me you'll do this with an open mind and that you can love me back in the future. Promise me you'll be true to your feelings, and I'll be anything you need. I'll do anything you want."
He loved me.
I knew he truly loved me.
So I did what I could at that time to express what I felt. I hugged him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. His hands didn't come around me immediately, but when they did, he held me firmly, gently, without saying a word.
I stayed in his arms, my eyes closed as he shielded me from everything. For the time I was in his arms, the pain faded.
After I'd finished crying, my mind cleared, and I pulled away, unable to meet his eyes.
"Will you go out for dinner with me? A date."
I nodded. "When?"
≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾
24 Jul, 2025
Chapter 66: Cute floral Gucci sweater
Chapter Text
Jimin
Taehyung barged in like a silent tempest, ready to combust at any moment. I wanted to nudge him, but I feared the storm would engulf me, so I waited.
He sat straight, blinking and staring at the ground. Then he stood up and began to pace. "Tae?" I called carefully. He then startled me with how fast he was in my face, gripping my shoulders. "Tell me one thing, Jimin."
I nodded, afraid for some reason.
"Do you seriously have no problem if I dated Jungkook?"
"Why would I have a problem?" I found my voice slightly irate. How many times did I have to tell everyone that I wasn't gay? I felt disrespected.
"Shit," he removed his hands and looked at the ground again, fidgety. "I am sorry, okay. I know you aren't interested in men, especially Jungkook, but I can't avoid the fact that you two share an equation. He told me he was willing to move on, Jimin. He asked me if I'd date him."
"Then date him," I told my friend in the nicest way I could. "Trust me. I rooted for you two for more than a year. No one is happier with this news than I, with an expectation of you, of course."
He smiled, relief making him so much more handsome and young. "Can I ask you something?" I asked, feeling insecure suddenly.
"What?"
"What is it about me that gives people the impression that I could be a closeted gay?"
He was flabbergasted by my question, and I thought he'd laugh, but he didn't. "I wouldn't say closeted gay, but there's something else."
In a decade of our friendship, I never knew that Taehyung felt that about me, and he never once mentioned anything slightly close to this. To say that I was shocked was an understatement. My senses were torn, unable to decide what to do. "You have a certain charm, Jimin," he concurred. "But let me ask you this before I can answer you in a better way. Did you ever mind when I flirted with you for laughs?"
I shook my head. Maybe when Taehyung told me I had a nice ass, I felt strange. No boy had ever complimented me, and I couldn't place that feeling at the time, but over the years, he went as far as trying to forcefully kiss me, which he knew I'd stop. And I always did, but I knew he wasn't interested in me like that, and that was why it never bothered me.
"Hmm," he grinned and fell back on my bed. "You have gender-neutral specialties about you. Like you color your hair. Men conventionally don't do that. Hell, I never dyed my hair. You dance."
"A lot of people dance!" I protested quickly, Jungkook's words coming to me to zap me.
"Yes, but not the way you do. You have a way to express yourself with your body. I've seen you expressing dual POV emotions in your routines. It's like you easily understand what it is like to be a woman who is insecure or vulnerable in love."
"Okay," I conceded. "Let's say I am close to emotions. But not many people know I dance, yet I have had odd encounters with men who thought I was gay. Why do you think that is?"
"That could be simply the way you look. Your body is not excessively ripped. You take care of yourself. You are not hard to look at, and all gays are pretty."
"But not all pretty people are gay."
"I agree," Taehyung shrugged. "But you can't take out stereotypes from people. It's just the way it is. Does it bother you that much?"
"I suppose not," I thought of all the people who came onto me in the past. "I should just stop coloring my hair."
"The fuck is that shit?" Taehyung sat up defensively. "Dude! That's your signature now. You can't stop. Do you know how many people like you because you break the university's rules twice a year? We all look forward to seeing what new color you'd be back in after every holiday."
That made me laugh. The first time I colored my hair was to spite my father. I wanted to show him how unserious I was with MBBS. It sort of became my thing when I changed the color after six months. I lived up to my reputation since then.
"You are so pretty, baby. Look at you blushing. Can I get a kiss?" Taehyung intentionally pulled me to him, and I pinched his side.
"Ouch!" He grumbled and then laughed, swaying away from my reach.
I let him. "Now leave because I have to study."
"Fuck. Will you help me?"
"Don't you have a date?" I asked.
"I do, but it's a simple dinner. I'll go and come back. I need to give him space and make him feel comfortable. I need to give him time. It won't be too long."
"Okay then," I told my friend. "Come here once you are back."
Jungkook
"I need to tell you something," I gripped Ulrich harder as he tried to wriggle out of my hold.
"What? " He asked, suspicious of my sudden happiness.
"I am going on a date with Taehyung Hyung."
I waited for him to say something, reprimand me, or talk some sense into me. But he continued to stare. "I know you might think it's a bad idea, but I need this, Ulrich. I'm going crazy here. I need all the help I can get to move past this...situation."
"And Taehyung sir is okay with that?" He asked in a low voice.
"Mhm," I couldn't meet his eyes. No one would be okay with dating someone who was hung up on someone else, but maybe he wanted to make this opportunity count, especially now that I knew he was in love with me. We all have seen movies where a heartbroken person falls for the emotionally available hero. The decision to date him was practical, but not the most ethical.
"Then I am happy for you." He smiled. "Though you are no hero."
"Wait," I snapped my eyes back to him. "You are?"
"What? Happy? Why wouldn't I be? You were a pain in the ass last year, Jungkook. But I would take that asshole over this depressive guy any day. I want you to be happy and healthy."
I wanted to prove his point by letting my invasive feelings out and crying, but I didn't. "I love you, man."
He turned red. "Yeah... Me too."
"Say it," I teased him. "Say you love me."
"I just did."
"No," I climbed on the mattress with my knees and crawled to him. "Say the words. Say you love me."
He bit his lips together, looking around like that would help him avoid me. I lifted him like he was a tree log and then got up from the bed. "Okay! Fine! I love you!" He screamed, giggling and swatting his hands on my back when I began to walk.
"Was that too hard?" I smirked, putting him down.
"Just go." He huffed, running back to his side of the room.
I sauntered over to the dressing area to get ready for the night. I should have felt the excitement, but I didn't. Instead, I felt like things would be okay soon. It wasn't my intention to lower my energy, but it happened, however.
Since Hyung was going to drive, I decided not to wear a lot of thermal layers. Picking a cute Gucci sweater with a big flower pattern on it, I completed my look with loose black pants. I had so many shoes that one rack wasn't enough to put them in, so I used Ulrich's space, too. I went to his side to pick up my Dr. Martens and looked in the mirror.
My hair was longer now than it had been when I started this semester. From mullet, they were sort of giving an illusion of a wolf-cut. I needed to get a haircut, but only a month was left before I went home for the holidays again. I wanted to hold on until then.
Maintaining long hair had been terrible. For two months, I simply tied them and didn't care. Now that I thought back to the time when I gave a shit about my looks was on the day of my birthday party. Things simply went downhill from there.
I brushed my hair and wore a touch of strobe cream to shine. Maybe I was making a mistake. Maybe I should have focused all my attention on my studies instead of dating, but the moment I stood up after being completely ready, some of the confidence crawled back in me.
I smiled at my reflection, telling the boy I saw that everything was going to be alright, and he looked stunning. I had told myself that I would love Jimin from afar, but that had made me a depressed fanatic, so it was time to let go of that promise.
"How do I look?" I asked my friend, like every time.
"Nice," he said, the same thing he always did.
I would've coaxed different adjectives out of him, but a notification distracted me. Retaining the smile I was directing at Ulrich, I clicked on the Yammer notification. There was a standard text in a black, bold Arial font.
Dance Auditions for 2018.
Dear fellow dancers,
This is that time of the year again. We had a tremendous event in 2017. If you want to be a part of this energetic committee, get your dancing shoes on and get practising. The audition details will be shared after the winter break once the Uni reopens.
Other details will follow soon. Stay tuned for more information.
Tag your friends to spread the word.
See you soon.
S.W.A.G dance committee.
There were pictures from the last year in the post, attached at the bottom. I clicked on the first one, and the internet took a second to load it.
It was a close-up of Jimin, his eyes intense as he stared into the camera's soul, sweat dripping from his sides and hair sticking to his forehead. He had orange hair that semester, my favorite so far out of pink, orange, and then blue.
I clicked on the next one, and it was a group shot from the stage last year. We had all worn matching black outfits, but being the main dancer, Jimin had accessories added to his tie. I clicked on another, and it was a close-up of two other dancers in the group, and another where Jimin was smiling.
That image pierced right through me because he was not holding back. Jimin was always very evasive. I could tell he had a great sense of humor with what he showed us occasionally, but he seldom joked around. He didn't talk too much. I was amongst the lucky ones who got to see him in his element, though. He was still a mystery to others.
I had seen the year-end event pictures and had saved quite a lot, but these seemed to have been taken from student cameras. Before I realized it, I was saving all those pictures that had Jimin, me, or both of us together.
As if on cue, when I finished, Hyung's call flashed on the screen.
"Hi, Hyung," I answered and put it on speaker.
"You ready yet?" He asked.
"Y-yeah," I answered nervously, and Ulrich noticed it. He immediately flashed both his thumbs up to encourage me, mouthing 'you can do this' slowly.
"I will bring the car around," he said before the line disconnected.
I took a deep breath.
"It'll be great," Ulrich assured me.
"Yes," I repeated. "It will be." And I walked out.
**
Hyung was right in front of my dorm building. I stepped into the car and immediately sensed he was wearing a different cologne. His eyes raked over me as I tried to avoid eye contact under the pretense of wearing the seatbelt. "You look cute, Jungkook."
"Thank you," my gaze met his. "You are handsome as always."
His lips stretched slowly before he let out a laugh. "Thanks, but I am a little worried about your outfit. You'll feel cold."
"No, it's fine."
As I was protesting, he took off his blue jacket. "Seriously, Hyung. I am fine."
"Keep it with you. If you feel cold at any moment, I expect you to wear it."
I sighed, taking the jacket from him and putting it on my lap. He kept observing me for a moment. "Where are we going?"
"Not far. But someplace with the best Turkish food."
"I've never tried Turkish food before," I told him, excited.
"Then you'll love the Turkish pizza. Are you ready?"
I nodded slowly.
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29 Jul, 2025
Chapter 67: The savior of cake
Chapter Text
Jungkook was getting ready to start the day at his home. After the block, he decided not to go to the gallery and try to find inspiration from scratch.
It had been two days since the event. He could still feel his heart race as he thought of Jimin and how close he stood as they talked.
He was amazed by how mundane they must've looked from a third person's eye, but no one could guess their muddy history. He sighed and shook his head to shoo away the thought. He had to focus on the canvas placed in one corner of his living room by the window.
His phone zapped on the floor, vibration strong. He picked it up to reply to his mother, who had been texting him, but saw that it was a message from an unknown number.
Hey, good morning. I am swinging by the gallery today. Are you in?
His heart raced as he thought about only one person. He had Mingyu's number saved, which meant exclusively one thing. It was Jimin.
He stared at the text again, unable to think.
It's Jimin, in case you deleted my number.
He knew the message had been acknowledged as seen, and he had to respond.
I am working from home today.
No problem. I can plan my visit for another day when you are in the gallery.
Is it something urgent related to work?
I wanted to have a chat about your paintings. But it can wait.
Jungkook's curiosity about his buyer didn't surpass his desolation to tell Jimin that he'd go there. If he could help it, he wanted to avoid the man.
His thumb hovered over the screen to want to save Jimin's number, but then he locked his phone and put it away.
For the remainder of the day, he focused on the canvas, and surprisingly, a melancholic cocktail of colors began to tell a story by dawn. He considered he needed to make it clearer, but for the day, he thought he did well.
When he got up to cook something for dinner, he realized he only had three ingredients in the fridge, so he mixed them all up and invented something that tasted delicious.
Putting the bowl in front of him on the table and sitting on a couch, he dialed his mother's number. The woman picked up after it seemed like she wouldn't.
"Kook-ah!" Her voice sounded high-pitched, breathless.
"Are you okay, Eomma?" He asked, worried instantly why she was huffing.
"I am. I am," he heard some whisper and a ruffle behind her, and frowned. Her way of giggling made him scowl. Having lived with his parents again after the gap years, he realised once again that the people who contributed to his birth often engaged in a physical act of intimacy. It roiled his stomach, leaving his mouth tasting like he had eaten tasteless poached eggs. "What are you doing? Come home if you aren't going to work tomorrow. I will make you something you love."
Her genuine invitation put a smile on his face instead of leaving him annoyed like the last ten times. "I will come home tomorrow and stay there for the night." He promised.
He could imagine her grinning clearly without seeing her. "Okay. I will keep everything ready for you."
Jungkook tried to hide his smile, even knowing she couldn't see him. "Okay, Eomma. I am looking forward to it."
She didn't mention his birthday, and he also continued to put up the pretense that they had forgotten for the rest of the conversation.
Soon after ending the call, he got ready for bed.
Without turning around too much, he felt his lids heavy. There had been a decade of agony where his heart was ripped out of his body while he still tried to breathe through it. A soft sigh escaped his lips, and he felt proud of himself for being able to protect his heart at last. It hurt less, and he had more acceptance of reality each passing day.
**
The next morning, he woke up earlier than usual and checked his phone. There were no birthday wishes. It didn't bother him too much, like it would have been in the past if no one fussed about his birthday. He was unmistakably getting a surprise at home at night.
After finishing his morning routine and drinking a glass of milk, he got ready for work.
Walking to a bakery he had been eyeing for quite a long time, he entered and immediately inhaled the fresh items. It was called 'elf's treat' and he thought the name was fitting with what he saw. The cost was about a tad more than any average bakery, but he didn't care.
Buying a blueberry cheesecake for co-workers and a smaller box of chocolate truffles for his mother, he paid for it and continued to walk to the gallery.
The glass doors were locked when he arrived, and he opened them using his access. The first thing he did was put everything inside the fridge and then use the restroom.
He felt positive about today as he walked upstairs, knowing he could make a piece with a different kind of theme.
Maybe he could draw a landscape that he'd seen in a dream once.
He could hear the girl come in after thirty minutes as he set up the blank canvas. Pouring the blue and green colors on the metal palette tray, he'd already begun dipping the brush and smudging it over the cold surface before creating the first stroke.
"Jungkook-ssi?" The girl called out.
"Good morning, K!" He hollered, mouth slightly ajar as he focused on the light second stroke.
"Good morning! You are early today!"
"Yup!" He shouted back. "Had to work!"
The girl understood he was busy and decided it was wise to leave him alone, like always. Jungkook often got so lost that he forgot his surroundings.
He continued to paint and realized that some time had passed. He looked at the watch to be sure and strolled up to the balustrade, leaning down to look at Mingyu. He wasn't there.
He had brought cake for the team, as Mingyu had asked him to, and he wondered if the man was running late. Taking out his phone, he texted the man.
Are you coming today?
Sorry, no. I got something urgent at the head office. I will see you next week.
Jungkook didn't know why, but he felt a punch of rejection. If he were entirely true, he knew the reason.
He was a nobody now. No one cared enough to be present, and he felt sorry for his poor little cake. It wasn't even about a cake that would go to waste. It was about how he wanted to start fresh.
He knew for a fact that his co-worker cared enough to be present for a special occasion for his predecessor, or even the head office peers on their birthdays, but he supposed he wasn't as important to anyone outside his family as he thought. He could never.
Without saying anything, he walked downstairs as he pocketed his phone to take a lunch break and share a piece of cake at least with Kijoo, only to find that she had also left for the day.
An empty feeling pressed on him with double intensity, and he looked at the cake after taking it out of the fridge with his color-smeared hands, eyes barren and heart vacant.
Not wanting to feel sorry for himself, he thought to get rid of the cake. He was walking out, his sleeves still folded up slightly, when he stopped dead in his tracks on finding Jimin.
The older man looked at the younger's eyes widen a fraction in shock before the silent despondency he'd become used to seeing in them replaced it. "Where are you headed?" Jimin asked, taking in his haggard form.
"Um. Just out." Jungkook felt ashamed to admit that it was his birthday. He no longer wanted to be pitiful. He'd thought he wanted to reclaim his power, but he knew that was bullshit. He had no power or influence.
Jimin could tell it was a cake, seeing it through the transparent wrapper on top of the cake box. "Can this wait?" He asked.
Jungkook nodded before turning around to walk back inside. He put the box on the table and shielded it with his back as he turned to face Jimin.
The older extended an envelope to Jungkook. "This is the payment for your painting."
Jungkook gasped a little, shock overwhelming him. He knew his first-ever professional painting was sold, but he didn't expect to get paid for it like this. He assumed the amount would reflect in his next monthly salary.
"Thank you," he grabbed the envelope, feeling the smooth texture between his fingers, the light paper somehow heavy.
Jungkook's heart was still racing when Jimin extended a black-colored Nike logo bag to him. "Here's something for you. Happy birthday, Jungkook."
The young man couldn't decide if he should have pressed a hand to his chest to stop the dizzying feeling first or reject the present from Jimin, even though his foolish heart did a pirouette in joy by just getting a birthday wish from the man standing in front of him. It meant more to him than any materialistic gift. "Thank you," he pasted on a polite smile. "But it's not necessary. You don't have to."
Jimin wasn't surprised by yet another rejection, but was hurt all the same, despite counting his blessings that Jungkook didn't look at him like he despised every fibre of his being. "You are in my team, Jungkook. It wouldn't be okay with me if I gave everyone a present and not you. Please keep it even if you don't want it. It's something small."
Jungkook felt Jimin's vulnerability. Then his senior and now his boss always had an uncanny ability to make him feel good and bad at the same time.
He had to decide, and if he wanted restoration of himself as a whole man instead of a broken one, to see his scars as a proof of greatness and not hurt and vindication, he knew the healing journey to his fresh self-discovery demanded forgiveness at some point. Maybe he could be powerful, too, after all.
Forgiveness didn't mean erasing the past or his afflictions; it was more about freeing himself from its control, so he could lay a healthy foundation for his future. Silently and slowly, he reached for the bag, and Jimin extended it further, a smile splitting his face, which the younger chanced a glance at and paused in the middle of accepting the present, losing all sanity, his mind overwhelmed with the vision Jimin was presenting him with.
His cheeks burned, and he looked away, the image stuck in his brain for the foreseeable future. "Thank you. Now, I know I am late, but I hadn't forgotten. Do you want to wind up here and go to the head office so we can all share the cake?" Jimin offered easily, and Jungkook's cheeks burned once more for another reason. Embarrassment.
"I don't feel up to it. But you can take this and distribute it among them." He proposed quickly.
Jimin stared at him for a long moment before walking around and began to open the box. He was careful as he pulled away the carton, not to damage it so it could be repacked, and picked up the candle and the knife that were taped to the side.
"What are you doing?" Jungkook asked when Jimin deftly walked near the fridge and grabbed what the former found was a matchbox.
"I can't take the cake without the birthday boy cutting it first, can I?" He said with a lilt of amusement.
Jungkook was enchanted by that smile and was transported back to the time when everything was okay in the world, and he was full of hope and fight. When Jimin urged him closer to the burning flame, Jungkook joined his hands in a prayer to wish for the two things he needed in life. Peace and falling out of love with Jimin.
The older was happy to pack up the cake after both of them had their bites and didn't talk unnecessarily, which Jungkook felt relieved about.
"Don't stay too late. It's your birthday." The man told him, and he nodded unsurely before watching him leave.
At last, he felt content with how the day turned out, looking forward to heading home and seeing his parents and grandmother.
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2 Aug, 2025
Chapter 68: Staring at the moon and a tattered book
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Taehyung
"Come in!" I hollered, thinking it must be Jimin. We had a study session planned for the exam the next day. The atmosphere at the Uni was tense, with every student always walking around with a book or an electronic device.
When Rose's head peeked inside, I halted putting on a tie. "What a pleasant surprise!"
She laughed, letting herself in. "You going somewhere?" She asked, her tone mischievous.
"Have a date," I said blandly, trying not to give her a chance to make me feel all hot and shy about it. I would be damned if I blushed in front of a girl.
"I heard," she smirked, crossing her arms and nodding. "I am happy for you."
"Yeah?" I turned around towards the mirror and smiled. "Me too."
"When did it start?" She asked.
"You know when. Jimin tells you everything."
"Not everything," she opposed immediately. "Now that you mentioned it, yeah. He never really did. That man is like an ocean, and he is far more closed off now than I'd like."
"That's part of growing up," I defended my friend quickly, going back to my tie and struggling with it as it wouldn't form a symmetrical knot. "What do you need?"
"I won't tell you unless you give me the deets."
I turned to her, walking with my tie and handing it to her so she could do it for me. "My first date was a simple dinner. I took Jungkook to eat Turkish food, and he really enjoyed that. We talked and he was stunned that I play Tennis," I laughed, recollecting his face when I had told him that. "We went out for lunch a few days later. And then I went to see him run a marathon last week."
"A marathon?" Rose's brows raised as she finished forming the knot in her hands.
I bent lower so she could put the tie around my neck. "He'd picked up a new hobby."
"How was it? The marathon," she asked, a little impressed.
"Well," I adjusted the tie under my dark blue shirt's collar. "He started strong. I told him to stay steady throughout, but he made the rookie mistake of running fast initially. He had to slow down quite a lot. Almost gave up, but then something must've kicked inside his head when he continued to run and finished in seven hours."
"Damn!"
Yes. Damn was right. I would've expected Jungkook to focus on studies so close to exams, but he was one adamant boy. Running that marathon meant something to him, and he achieved his goal, impressing me one more time.
He always had a trick up his sleeve that impressed not only me but everyone. He hadn't played football before, but now he was one of the best defensemen on the team. He was obviously a great dancer, and now he'd run a marathon. And he was telling me he'd been drawing lately, which I had yet to see. What couldn't he do?
"Tonight seems special. You are dressing up for the date."
"Yeah," I exhaled. "As you know, exams are starting tomorrow and holidays from next week, I wanted to sort of help him... You know. Take the edge off. He and Ulrich are studying for long hours, and this morning he told me he is feeling like he'd ruin the exams." That wasn't the only reason I was doing this tonight. The last three times were great, but there was no chemistry between us. Except that we dressed up, the date might as well be a hangout of two friends. I wanted this date to be emotionally stimulating.
"What's cooking here?" Jimin's voice came first before he burst into the room, holding a big pile of books.
"I came to invite him."
"Oh?" Throwing the pile, Jimin put a hand on his hip.
Rose shook her head and turned to me, her palms on my forearms as she concentrated. "You know my birthday always falls during semester holidays, but this year, since Jimin is visiting my parents, we are having a small celebration. You have to come."
I made a face, knowing I would go back to Korea for a break.
"I don't wanna hear excuses. Be there."
I looked at Jimin, and he silently communicated to sort of agree with her. I nodded, and she left us quickly after.
"Can I bring a date?" I turned to Jimin after Rose left the room.
"You don't have to come," he said, walking around the table to drag it to the center of the room. "I'll make an excuse on your behalf."
"You don't want me there," I narrowed my eyes, my tone suspicious.
"I want to sort it out myself first. You know it'll be the first time staying at her place. I don't want things to be awkward for you, too."
"I understand," I told him. And then looked at the time. "I have to leave now."
"Okay," he began to put the books on the table from the bed. "I will study here until then."
"See you, Jimin."
I walked out after my friend waved at me and went to Jungkook. I had asked for only thirty minutes of his time, so I needed to hurry.
Jungkook
When Hyung told me to dress up, I didn't expect him to be in a suit as well. Just as his eyes fell on me, they raked all over my body, probably liking what he saw. I had been doing just about anything to keep myself busy, and a significant portion of my time was spent on physical activities. I have also realized that I have muscles in my body that I never knew existed. It was clear he could see them, too.
While he was in a cobalt blue suit, I was in a combination of brown and beige. The difference was, I wasn't wearing a tie.
What surprised me next was that he was driving a different car. A big one with a sunroof. "Whose car is it?" I asked, getting in after he held the door open.
"A friend." He closed the door and walked toward the driver's side before getting in.
"Nice ride," I commented simply.
"You come from money, Jungkook. You must've seen better," he teased.
I knew I came from money, but somehow I was forgetting that. Living with Ulrich had humbled me to an extent, and even when I was with my parents, I was never the one to flaunt my riches. Who would I flaunt to, even if I wanted? I had no friends. That was why I wanted to see the other side of life. If I asked Appa, he would've bought me any car I wanted, but I wanted to try and live a different life. "I never was into cars, to be honest."
"What were you into?" He asked, starting the engine and taking us off the university grounds.
"I never knew. I guess that's why I was so excited to move to Germany. I wanted to find out about myself."
"Have you?" He asked, his eyes on the road and his concentration on me.
"I am figuring it out," I told him. Yes, in a year and a half, I knew myself better, and I grew from what I was, which wouldn't have been possible if I hadn't let myself experience new things, good and bad.
After driving for about eight minutes, Hyung pulled over by the road and took off his seatbelt. I watched him with a puzzled face. "Lean back," he asked me.
"Here?" I looked outside and there was nothing to be seen except some small trees that were dancing with the gusts of wind.
"Trust me. Do it."
I slowly took off my seatbelt and began to push my seat back. Hyung opened the rooftop slightly, and the moon shone right upon us. I gasped, mesmerized by the beauty of it.
Either my eyesight had dramatically improved, or the moon was bigger because I had never seen it so big and shiny, with the bumps and spots. "It's beautiful," I admired naturally.
"It is," Hyung conceded, looking up at the object. "Do you know why I brought you here? "
"No," I whispered, not wanting to disrupt the calm that suddenly blanketed us.
"I wanted you to slow down tonight. Cast out all the things that are haunting you and take in this peace."
I didn't know what to say to that. I was beyond grateful, but I knew that was not what Hyung wanted to hear from me. I wish I could say that I wanted to kiss him for the lengths he went for me, but I promised him I would stay true to my feelings, and somewhere in the sky, beyond that moon, I saw a smiling face of Jimin. The bane of my existence.
My throat bobbed with pain. I blinked, erasing that image.
We lain there for a long time as if mutually not wanting to disrupt the moment. I wanted to stay with Taehyung Hyung like that, with no one disturbing us and no one watching us, just us in our imperfect world. I felt safe with him.
"Thirty minutes are up," his voice came out raspy after staying silent for long minutes.
He began to get up, but I held his hand. "Not yet."
Turning his frame towards me, his hand softly picked up a streak of my hair to tuck it behind my ear. I felt nothing. I wanted to feel something, but nothing. "How much do you know about stars?"
"Not much," my voice was small.
"Let me show you something," he said, pointing to my left. "That one is 55 Cancri E. It's so hot that its core is made of diamonds."
"Really?" I tried to look harder at what he was pointing at.
He laughed softly. "It's something that I have read, but I don't know if it's that one."
I smiled as he pulled his hand down. "It was so easy to fool me."
"I'd never manipulate you, Jungkook." He suddenly gripped my chin, making me look at him. "I'd give it to you as it is. The bitter truth or unfortunate reality."
"That's what I need," I told him, meaning it.
His gaze hooked on the sincerity of my eyes. There was a storm of dilemma in his gaze. He looked at my lips and then back into my eyes. The conflict was visible on his face when he took a soft breath and let go of my chin. "We should go now. I'll pick hamburgers for us to eat in the car."
I nodded, straightening up to go back to reality.
We ate the burgers like they were the last meal of our lives.
The next week was a long array of sleepless nights, bleary eyes, and a boggled mind with studies and nothing else.
Taehyung Hyung called me once and texted me twice a day every day to ask about how my exam went and if I was doing okay.
That feeling of someone checking up grew on me positively. Ulrich and I put everything into learning. He was a very bright student, and I was lucky to have him as my roommate, who showed me what it meant to be a friend.
By the time only two exams were left, we looked like zombies, especially I, who had to study for extra hours because I'd lost a lot of time.
We mostly studied all holed up in our dorm. Ulrich was squabbling, trying to find something. "What are you doing?" I asked, waiting for him so we could start.
"Did you keep the Forensic pathology book?" He asked, not looking up.
I was near my study area, which was nothing but a corner because the table was occupied by Ulrich's puzzles, for which he threatened to kill me if I moved them, so I started checking. When I didn't find it, I grabbed my bag and emptied all the contents on the ground. "I don't have it."
Color drained from Ulrich's face. "I think I lost it."
My body also felt a wave of panic wash over it, but I held it in because of my friend. "It's okay. I will go down to the library and bring it." I began to quickly put on my shoes.
"I don't think we will find one."
I knew that. Students got all the subject books issued from the library weeks before the exams. We would be lucky if I found the last copy, but at least I had to try. I sprinted down the stairs, running straight to the library.
The librarian with a small computer was in her usual place. Greeting her on my way in, I rushed towards the second-year books section.
My eyes went to the title Forensic Pathology, praying I found one. Seeing the empty shelf, my heart felt like it would give out. How could I be so careless? How was I going to write the exam the next day?
I had never faced the fast-paced environment of writing exams before my uni. It was stressful, to say the least. I hardly ever went to school to write my school exams. It was mostly in my home in front of a teacher, but it was different here. There were so many students, and too much competition. I didn't know when I started crying.
"Jungkook?" Jimin's voice made me snap out of my panic a little, and I turned around, trying to wipe my tears, completely mortified.
"Hey," Jimin walked around the shelf and saw my tragic state. "What happened?" He asked, brows creased deeply, and his face dotted with worry.
At that moment, I wasn't an 18-year-old adult, but I felt like a child who didn't know how to open a heavy door. "We can't find the book. Tomorrow is the exam."
His brows shot up to his hairline. For a moment, he panicked, too. But then he gripped the sides of my arms. "Which subject?"
" Forensic Pathology. " My face scrunched, and I started deadass sobbing. I didn't know if it was just a fear of being unable to study for the next exam or the fact that I was in front of him while he comforted me. All those days when I thought of him wanted their pain to be seen by the one it was for.
"Come with me," he gripped my sleeve and walked me to the basement.
I didn't know what he was doing. I was hysterical with crying while he was busy doing God knew what. Through my blurry vision, I watched him crouch down and open a small door. He went through it and then pulled out one book.
When he stood up, facing me, his hand patted my arm awkwardly for comfort. "Here," he extended the book. "These are the old books that I donated to the library. You can study from it and return it once you are done."
Every bone, tissue, cell, sense, and emotion in my body wanted to jump on him and hug him for my life, but I didn't. I was looking ridiculous as it was, and I simply didn't have it in me to disregard my journey of forgetting him.
But as I walked back to the dorm with a tattered book like my heart in my hands, my panic subsided, and I knew that no one could ever replace him. Taehyung Hyung's actions were comforting, but Jimin's reached closer to my heart.
I looked at myself in my phone's camera one more time to ensure I didn't look like a hot mess before I walked into the dorm, hugging the book tightly with an elated grin.
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11 Aug, 2025
Notes:
To the 190811 JK - I love you. Thank you.
Chapter 69: Volunteers for the next gen
Chapter Text
Jimin
I stepped out of the rental car with Taehyung, and he snickered, giving me a knowing look as a few students murmured a few things after looking our way. I didn't want to color my hair this time, but Tae told me he'd disown me if I didn't, and I thought...fuck it.
If people thought I was gay because I colored my hair, it was their problem, not mine. I was closer to graduation, and I wanted to live the remaining Uni days on my terms, not influenced by people's opinions.
I was blonde in my second year, but it was a darker shade. This time, I opted for clear sandy blonde. "Told you they'd talk. This never gets old. They always wait to see your new hair after the semester holiday break."
I smirked, knowing that he was probably right. I didn't encourage a lot of friendships, so I was not the one to mingle a lot, but my friend, being the charmer that he was, student body council, had a lot to do with people's business. They talked to him, and he gave them a story of his own in return.
As he greeted his way inside, I silently pulled the luggage until we reached our dorms. "See you in the evening?" He asked.
"Sure," I nodded.
Even though it was a short semester break, I have gotten a lot done. I had nothing else to do at home, so I did a lot of thinking and planning, and as a result, I had many things to do from day one.
For starters, I had scheduled a dance committee meeting, and then I had to meet a professor regarding extra credit.
Putting away my stuff, I put on the new sheets and pillow covers and cleaned the whole place. I had done deep cleaning before leaving, so it didn't take much time to finish the bathroom as well.
Every time I returned to Germany, I packed a lot of Korean snacks. Quickly eating from the stock that would last probably three weeks, I changed into the new pair of clothes I'd bought, wanting to start with a fresh set of everything, and then looked at the time.
I still had seventeen minutes until the meeting started. Just as I thought of going to Tae's room to maybe help him, my door was knocked on.
I laughed and opened it, but saw Jungkook on the other side, his hair short and his skin tanned. He didn't look like a kid I saw all semester, troubled, aloof. There was a healthy glow to him, and his smile was genuine with a relaxed posture. Maybe dating Taehyung was the reason behind it, or the obvious holiday he'd taken. Then I noticed a small goodie bag in his hand.
He wore a Rolex on his wrist, and that alone disoriented me for a bit as I accepted whatever it was without saying a word. "Hi, Hyung." He said with an infectious energy.
"H-hi, Jungkook. What is this?"
"Eomma prepared it for you," he told me, and I lost my marbles. His mother prepared this for me? He talked to his mother about me? He noticed and quickly added. " She prepared it for all my friends. I will go and give Taehyung Hyung his."
And then just like that, before I could come back to land from a spike of overthinking, he brought me back only to nudge me again. "By the way, blonde hair looks gorgeous on you."
Then he was gone like the wind.
I peeked out and watched him knock at Tae's door. It opened after some time, and he giggled before I saw Tae's hand jut out to pull him in. I looked away, coming back inside and closing the door.
As I sat on my bed with the bag he just gave me, I only thought of him and Tae having sex next door. It was weird thinking about my friend like that, and even weirder with Jungkook. I didn't see him like that. In my eyes, he was an innocent kid, an adult, sure, but a kid nonetheless.
Uneasiness crept through my stomach, but I chucked it away. If they were dating, it was a given they would have intercourse, which reminded me of my sex life with Rose, which hasn't been very active lately, except last time when we fucked in her bedroom at her parents' house.
Not wanting to eavesdrop on the lover boys, I ambled to the auditorium where the meeting was planned.
Since I'd come early, I waited.
One by one, the students filed in. I saw two from the third year, five from the fourth, and three from my class, excluding Hoseok.
The group cheered for Jungkook as he walked in, our youngest. My mind went back to him fucking my friend, and I cringed.
He met everyone and talked about how everyone's vacation was. I could only hear that he spent his holidays at a beach island somewhere in Thailand before I was swept away into another conversation as Hoseok also trussed.
Once the catch-up was done, I invited everyone to the table and we all sat down, silence dawning upon us quickly as they expectantly looked at me. "Welcome back, everyone," I officially greeted them again. "You must be wondering why I invited this meeting on the first day of the new semester."
Some of them nodded, and some of them regarded with a verbal response.
"We don't have the professors in these meetings because the judging panel wanted me to have this discussion with you directly..." I looked at Hoseok, who sighed. "As you all know, we only have four months in the semester. After the exams, our batch will progress onto the last year, and...we might not be part of...the extracurricular committees anymore."
Just as I expected, I heard a few objections, but nothing to overthrow the conversation.
Only Jungkook remained silent. Too silent.
"I am not saying we will leave entirely, but we mightn't have a lot of time to take out from study hours to practice dance or even play sports. Some of us will join internships at the hospitals, but I'd continue to manage the committee work, even if I decide not to participate... What I need now is a volunteer who is willing to take up the responsibility for the next year."
I saw Jungkook raise his hand. "What would I have to do?" He asked.
"I can talk about the handover of responsibilities as we plan the event this year, Jungkook. But are you sure you are up for it? You can still think about it," I told him, and then connected with everyone's eyes. "So can you. We will meet for the dance practice soon. I need volunteers before then. You have plenty of time to evaluate where you stand with your studies. After all, we don't want to affect that. Studying is your priority."
My heart felt heavy suddenly. The dancing committee had been my baby for five years, and passing the baton brought about the feeling of the end of an epic era. I could have gotten emotional, but I knew I still had one more event to plan.
The discussion ended after a few rounds of questions.
I went to the professor for my discussion next, and then I returned to the dorm to rest for some time before our scheduled boys' dinner.
Coming to bed, I spotted Jungkook's bag. Not knowing what to expect, I quickly untied the ribbon to see a dozen goodies from the best bakery in Korea and a high-end perfume.
I stared at the items in my hand for a long moment. Why would his mother send those things? It had Jungkook suspiciously written all over it. But at least I wasn't the only one who got the bag. He said he was giving it to all his friends.
I opened a small envelop and found two pages inside.
Opening the first one, I saw beautiful scribble in Korean.
친애하는 지민
나는 당신을 만난 적이 없지만 정국이가 당신에 대해 많이 이야기합니다. 그는 지난 시험에서 당신이 그 책을 읽는 데 어떻게 도움을 주었는지 나에게 말했습니다. 감사의 표시로 이 작은 증표를 받아주세요. 맛있게 즐겨보세요.
앞으로도 제 아들을 잘 돌봐주세요. 다음에 부산에 오시면 저를 찾아오세요. 쿠키의 생일을 함께 축하해드리겠습니다.
줄레인.
[Dear Jimin
I haven't met you, but Jungkook talks a lot about you. He told me how you had helped him with the book in his last exam and generally took care of him. I can't thank you enough for calling Jungkook's Appa when my baby fell sick. What I am sending is nothing. I hope you accept this small token from me. Enjoy them deliciously.
Please continue to look after my son. When you are in Busan next time, come visit us. I'd love to meet you. We will celebrate Kookie's birthday together.
Julaine. ]
The warmth of her words made me feel like I knew her personally. Something had bothered me after meeting Rose's parents during the holiday break, and I couldn't pinpoint what it was. They welcomed me into their house, cooked for me, and we even had a movie night together. But I could suddenly draw the comparison. The warmth. Rose's parents lacked it.
My mother was paralyzed when I was still too young. I couldn't even properly remember motherly love anymore. I guess I was subconsciously searching for that in Rosenow's parents, too. I knew I was being unreasonable. There was a cultural difference. Germans were more direct and practical. Their way of showing affection was different than what I knew. Maybe I was biased to form a high opinion of Mrs. Jeon, but I couldn't ignore her goodwill, however.
Then I opened the bigger sheet, laughing at how short it was in contrast to the small paper on which Mrs. Jeon had written. There were two lines penned in Jungkook's handwriting.
Jimini-ie Hyung,
Thank you for everything.
I wondered what Taehyung's letter said. Had Jungkook told his mother he was dating a guy? As far as I could tell, his parents didn't know he was gay. At least, his father didn't, judging by their one interaction I saw last year.
Wearing the perfume and loving how it fit my style and choice, I got ready for dinner. When I knocked on Tae's door, he opened and I saw Jungkook inside.
Feeling conscious, I didn't want to go in. When Tae saw hesitation in my steps, he pulled me in. "Give me two minutes, and then we will go."
I nodded, and my eyes went to Jungkook, who was filling his mouth with one of the same goodies he'd given me. He smiled, his eyes crinkling at me.
I reciprocated, choosing the chair to sit on. I noticed there was perfume, too, but I couldn't see any envelopes. Maybe Tae had put those away.
"Or?" My mind told me. "He didn't give Tae any. It was just for you."
"Don't be ridiculous. Why would he do that?" I reprimanded myself inwardly.
"He isn't over you."
"Why wouldn't he be over me? He is dating Tae, for fuck's sake!"
"You don't like it that he got over you so quickly. Do you?"
"You don't know what you are talking about." I stood up with a jerky movement, startling Jungkook. But at least the monologue stopped.
"Ready?" Taehyung appeared from the bathroom, wearing a very stylish jacket and chinos so tight I could outline his...everything.
"Yup," I wanted to leave first, but Taehyung got in front of me and pulled Jungkook closer to him by his waist.
I watched as Jungkook subtly pushed Taehyung's hand down, but didn't sway from his position.
What was that about?
"You driving?" Tae asked when we reached the parking lot.
"You don't want to?" I asked. Driving wasn't something I enjoyed too much if I had an option.
"I wanna sit with Jungkook," he said loudly, making Jungkook bite his lips together.
"Sure," I reached my hand for the keys, and he hoisted them. I caught them easily.
"Hyung," Jungkook sounded hastily. "Ulrich's coming. Please wait for him."
"Get inside," I told Jungkook. "I'll bring the car around and pick him up from the dorm."
Both of them huddled in the backseat, and I swerved around. Ulrich was standing right outside when I spotted him. When he hopped in, I drove out of the Uni and onto the road. I thought it was just me, but everyone felt this awkward tension in the air. Not speaking only increased it. "How was staying at home?" I asked Ulrich.
"It was too short. The vacations were over before I had one free day at home."
"Why?" Jungkook asked from the back.
"I had something or the other. Had to take my sister to her camp. One day was gone with Mom and me just going around to the local market and shopping. Then Dad and I went to this symposium where he introduced me to his friends."
I knew Ulrich's father wasn't rich, and there was some friction between him and Rose's father. When the latter could easily help out Ulrich, the former didn't want it. He was opening all the doors he could for his son with his limited resources. It was not my place to ask, so I didn't, but at least Rose never objected to my helping Ulrich. In fact, she had been the one who had asked me to help him the first time.
By the time we started dinner, we were still talking about Ulrich's family.
Ulrich had ordered a whole roast chicken with mashed sweet potatoes that he was sharing with Jungkook. I had ordered a burger with the side of fries. Christoph was destroying a pizza. Wolfgang was enjoying his carbonara, and Taehyung was eating a steak with fries, h is mood visibly soured since Jungkook removed his hand.
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18 Aug, 2025
Chapter 70: Three paintings sold
Chapter Text
Things were looking up for the artist. The next two cheques Jungkook received for his paintings were through the mail. He had been slightly disappointed and equally relieved that Jimin hadn't delivered them himself. There were no words exchanged between Jimin and Jungkook for the next month and a half. Avoiding Jimin was easy. Things were forgettable if the man of his uninterrupted desire was out of sight.
His paintings had gone for a price heftier than he had anticipated. The administration had set a cost on every piece, but his role was only to propose the amount he wanted. The management, i.e., Jimin and a few gallery shareholders, added additional expenses, including taxes, amounting to approximately twenty percent more. Then there was the dynamic profit margin, the asking price, which was way higher than the cost incurred in creating the pieces.
That was why Jungkook was shocked that he had made his yearly salary by selling only three pieces in just a few weeks.
He wanted to invite his parents over to his apartment to celebrate, but he dreaded going to the team dinner they had combined with Jimin's birthday celebration later that night. He wished he could just bail, but he also didn't want to, not when the man himself specially invited him. Those sorts of things were under Mingyu's purview, but Jimin must've wanted to make sure that he went.
Closing the shop upstairs, he walked down with a small backpack on his back and looked for Kijoo. She was scrolling on her phone. "You ready?" He asked.
She slightly jumped at his voice, startled. "Yeah, let's go."
Grabbing her bag, she quickly made her way towards the exit with Jungkook. "I have a scooter. I hope you don't mind."
"What?" Jungkook scowled, now spotting a key in her hand.
"Don't worry. I have an extra helmet you can use."
Jungkook had thought that they would hail a cab to the restaurant, but seeing Kijoo walking towards the small alleyway where a yellow scooter was parked changed plans a little. It had been a long time since he drove a car or rode a bike. He couldn't show his apprehension to the girl, though, regarding what she might think.
He walked slowly, unsurely. "Don't worry," Kijoo was already tightening her helmet. She extended the spare one to Jungkook and straddled the front leather seat, taking hold of the handlebars. "I won't make you fall."
Oh, hell no.
Jungkook stared wide-eyed. There was no way he was sitting behind her.
"What?" Kijoo frowned, the cogs in her brain tumbling in tandem with Jungkook's reservation. "Don't be that man."
"What man?"
"Who thinks he is less masculine because he is sitting behind a woman on a bike?"
"I didn't say that."
"You thought that," Kijoo said pointedly. "It's pasted all over your face like bad news."
"Fine," Jungkook thought it, but what made him waver more was second-guessing Kijoo's driving skills. "If you promise to safely deliver me in one piece, I will shut up and sit. You don't know who my father is in case I die."
Kijoo's head tipped back with a loud chortle, and Jungkook smiled at his newfound ability to joke as he mounted behind her.
They laughed their way to the venue, and Jungkook realized that it had been years since he laughed so freely and had stupid fun. He didn't share the emotional bond with Kijoo, but he was happy in that moment, and it made him think of Ulrich.
They could see the numerous familiar cars outside the restaurant in the parking lot, indicating that everyone had already arrived.
Jungkook spotted three acquainted faces and one familiar back as they barged in. He stepped closer to where they were sitting, his heart immediately racing.
Jimin traced the eyes of his colleagues sitting in front of him and turned to see Jungkook with Kijoo.
"Happy birthday, Jimin."
"Thank you," Jimin admired Jungkook's outfit with a once-over. "Take a seat." He made space near him as the other side was full.
Jungkook prompted Kijoo to sit next to Jimin, and sat beside her. A few of them were already drinking. "Order your drinks. I'll be right back." Jimin told the two and got up with his phone.
As he walked away and took the call from the hospital, his eyes found Jungkook talking to people. He had a mask in place, not giving anything more than socially necessary. He looked different not only in a physical sense of the world but also in every other way. He stood taller and silent, like he was carrying the weight of the world, fighting it so it didn't crush him. His smile was faint, and his laughs guarded, like he was hiding a story no one would ever understand.
The young man had been on his mind for years, but not in a way like he was since he came thrashing into his life again. Jimin could be meeting with renowned doctors, and the thought of Jungkook would be running through his mind like a goddamn act of rebellion. It wouldn't be specific about anything, but he was always acutely aware of the man who had brought about a drastic change in his life.
Jimin needed to seize a moment before it slipped away to kick him into regret. He, for some reason, enjoyed his position outside Jungkook's field of vision as he looked at him with longing. He missed the boy tonight, who was once the life of any party. In fact, any party's success used to greatly depend on Jungkook's gimmicks. He now seemed to blend with the quiet shadows as Jimin watched, a poundage on his chest.
He craved conversation from Jungkook with debilitating ferocity. He'd also take five minutes; he just needed to talk to him.
Finishing the telephonic conversation, he returned to the table, and his eyes took in Jungkook, who gripped his condensed mug of beer tightly. He was perceptive of Jungkook's breathing. Someone said something. Somebody else added another comment, and Jimin only got that they wanted him to open the champagne bottle. He willed a smile on his face and popped the cork, noting the way Jungkook slightly jumped in surprise.
"Happy 29th birthday!" A howl reverberated.
"Thank you!" Jimin laughed. "Who is not driving later?" He asked, making sure only to serve people who wouldn't be driving. A few raised their hands to his right, but Jungkook didn't. It didn't matter because Jimin knew Jungkook wasn't going to drive, so he twisted his torso to his left and slid an empty glass to him.
Jungkook's left hand slightly trembled as he lifted it for his boss to pour from the bottle. Jimin wondered if it was due to the anger the younger was amassing inside him by tolerating his presence, which was rendering him so unstable.
For the rest of the dinner, they didn't say anything to each other directly unless it was to answer something that other people from the group asked. The party wasn't quiet, but the distance between them was.
After a few rounds of drinks, people shuffled from their original places, getting into deeper conversations and forming numerous smaller groups. Jimin stayed in his place, talking to a doctor on his right, his attention and awareness also on Jungkook.
"Mingyu-ssi... I've been meaning to ask, but I was forgetting it whenever you were in the gallery. Would you help me get the details of my painting buyers?" He asked the manager.
Mingyu nodded and put the drink down, patting Jungkook with a congratulatory remark once again, who nodded politely.
The team dinners were always a way for Jimin to get to know people who worked for him, but for the first time, he lost interest in the trail of talks. He texted Rosenow.
Is Iseul asleep?
Just slept. When are you home?
I think everyone will take at least an hour more to wind up. You should go to sleep, too.
I would, but it's your birthday, and you aren't even home with us to celebrate.
Jimin huffed deprecatingly. Since he hadn't told Rosenow about Jungkook yet, he wasn't feeling like himself anymore. The kind of guilt he had experienced in the uni returned, only ten times stronger. What would he even say now when he hadn't in the last suffocating six years, when he was desperate and looking for the man sitting in front of him, yet seemed oceans apart?
It's my first birthday after I started my venture. You know it's important. From next year, I will spend all my birthdays at home. I promise.
:) :)
Drive safely. I think I'll just pass out since I have that early interview tomorrow.
I remember. That's why I asked you to go to sleep. See you.
I love you.
Love you too.
Jungkook's eyes were on him when Jimin locked the phone, but he was quick to look away and stand up. "I'll be right back." He told the group of people who weren't paying attention and headed to the men's room.
Getting inside the bathroom with two cubicles and relieving himself, Jungkook realized how hard his heart was hammering. Why did he have to look at Jimin when he was acting perfectly aloof all evening?
He had to be a sucker for punishment as he let his mind wander if Rosenow was the one Jimin was texting. He huffed at himself mockingly as he paced to the sink to wash his hands, thinking, of course, he would text his wife.
The door opened and closed, and he didn't care to look at the reflection of the person in the front mirror, but when Jimin stood behind him, he could feel the presence, all-consuming. The hair on his nape tingled, and he turned around.
"I have to talk to you."
"Jimin-"
"Just listen to me," Jimin pressed impatiently.
Jungkook was breathing hard as Jimin watched him, stunned and disarrayed as he turned to face the man. "I bought your paintings."
Jungkook bit his bottom lip, beginning to nibble on it.
"I know I should've told you, but you are still not ready to talk to me. I couldn't find the right moment to bring this up."
"Say something, Jungkook!" Jimin expressed with urgency after waiting for a few beats, his body shaky.
Jungkook only looked down, thinking.
"If you are angry, tell me. If you want to take a swing at me, I won't move from my place. Hit me." Jimin tried his best to get some reaction out of the artist.
"I am not angry. I am just...dispirited." Jungkook spoke softly.
It was Jimin's turn to be quiet as he waited for more.
A tear dropped from Jungkook's eye, which he didn't bother to hide, and Jimin was in shambles suddenly. Seeing the proof of hurt he had imparted from Jungkook's eyes obliterated him, and the way his chest clenched shocked him.
He'd seen the boy cry before. The agony of seeing Jungkook cry now was something he'd never known. Not like this.
When the younger hadn't looked Jimin in the eyes for more than a handful of seconds, he darted into Jimin's eyes and held eye contact for the first time since their last dance together. "Imagine a chef prepares all night and cooks all day in the hope that his food will feed the patrons. Now, imagine you bought all that food. It didn't go to the needy. The chef will never find out if his food was even worth it. You weren't even hungry and possibly didn't finish eating everything. To a chef, it was a pain that went in vain."
"Jungkook," Frost coursed through his veins, and Jimin took a step closer to Jungkook, thinking about his next move. Guilt dancing in his eyes, he noticed the mole under Jungkook's trembling lips.
He reached for Jungkook, but the man pushed past him, unaware that Jimin was coming apart at the seams. "Thanks for nothing, Jimin. You did it again. I hope you heal from the things you don't tell anyone."
Jimin felt the air infused with Jungkook's cologne on his face as the door swung closed by force. His breathing came quicker as he succumbed to something he had become familiar with lately.
A panic attack.
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25 Aug, 2025
Chapter 71: Staring at his nakedness
Chapter Text
Jungkook
My pain was palpable before, reckless in its wants and needs. My pain was love. My pain was my deepest desire for him, which I couldn't fulfill. My pain was an outlet that didn't know where to go, so from time to time, it wandered up in the corners of my eyes, seeped deep in my lungs, trailed down to the lump in my throat, and crept up to my lips, taking away my smile.
I tried to distract myself from it because winning over it was not a possibility.
I had to level up, and I liked to think that I was finally succeeding after bashing myself for months.
The tears came to me less and less.
My breath didn't get caught in my lungs on seeing him.
I didn't choke up frequently while doing mundane things.
And I smiled more.
When I lost sleep and couldn't swallow food every time I watched him with her, all I felt now was a dull ache in the hollow part of my chest as I accepted my fate. My grief was going to stay with me, but I conditioned it.
Tonight was the real test of my patience. I was supposed to go on a double date with them. How was I supposed to sit in front of him and pretend that it didn't affect me that he held her hand? How was I supposed to be okay with her taking my dream away? The worst part, I couldn't do anything.
So much pain.
How much a human could take before they withered? Was there a scale to measure that? Did they conduct studies to understand grief?
The progress I've made with Taehyung Hyung counted for nothing the moment I said yes to him proposing the double date. I didn't want to be there.
I watched the car from outside the Uni. I have taken a walk to line up my thoughts, to breathe the cold air to calm my mind, but as my eyes fell on an empty seat beside Taehyung Hyung, I almost turned around to run away.
You can do it, Jungkook. Not for anyone, but yourself. Show yourself that you are strong enough. My adamant side challenged me. Taking a sharp breath, I gripped the door handle and got inside the car. Turning back, I grinned at Jimin and Rosenow. "Hi."
"Hi, Jungkook," Rosenow greeted me cheerfully. "How are you?"
"Never better," I lied. "How are you?"
Jimin let us have the conversation, probably happy that we were getting along now. I wasn't going to hate this woman. Not after she offered nothing but help to me. What I hated was my fate. My circumstance. And most of all, my perfidious fucking heart.
When the small talk ended, I looked at our driver for the night. "Hi, Hyung."
"Hey," he said with a pretty smile, the happiness on his face infectious. "You look breathtaking."
It made me smile. "Thanks, Hyung. You are always cool and handsome." The words felt like sand on my tongue, knowing Jimin was right there. It wasn't like I was lying. Taehuyng Hyung was one of the most attractive men on the campus, but for me, Jimin's beauty existed outside of any standard.
Rosenow poked Jimin and wriggled her brows, which I saw in the rearview mirror. Jimin only slightly smiled before staring out the window.
I was wearing a light coverage foundation, and my lips were tinted. My lashes were curled with mascara in them. I was never an eye make-up guy, feeling like it was too much, but today, I needed every safety net I could get. I wanted to look good. I wanted to feel confident.
I'd worn a silk white shirt with charcoal grey trousers. While my pants were regular, my shirt wasn't. It had peplum sleeves and an elegant lace on the neck with buttons on the back. I didn't express my sexuality with my clothes often. I haven't done that the whole year.
We arrived at a fine dining restaurant, which we had never been to before. Boy dinners usually happened in a small restaurant. It had become a custom for us to go there and enjoy one meal before leaving for the Holidays or after the break when we came back to the university.
I always went to nice places with Taehyung Hyung on dates, but mostly in casual environments. This setting looked like where my father would take me to have dinner with his friends or work colleagues.
The concierge helped us to our pre-booked table. We didn't have to flag down a waiter. He came to us on his own.
Jimin took Rosenow's coat while Taehyung Hyung took off mine.
I oddly felt self-conscious. My looks were a dead giveaway that I was here with Taehyung Hyung as his romantic gay partner, but I felt like I was not normal. I didn't know what triggered it, but as I looked at Jimin and Rosenow, the perfect couple in books, I couldn't help but ignore that burn. I wasn't ashamed of who I was, but seeing them reduced me to a low self-esteem little boy, and I hated feeling like that on top of dealing with my pain.
I sat down too close to the table, hiding half my body under the tablecloth while wishing we had taken a corner seat. Taehyung Hyung noticed it. He leaned closer to my ear. "Are you okay?"
I smiled, nodding quickly.
He continued to look at me for a few long seconds before placing his hand around my shoulder. I would have derived protection from it, but at that moment, it sparked my insecurity more. The way some people looked at me was also the way Jimin thought of me. He might not say it, but he was disgusted when I suggested he keep his mind open towards me.
Suddenly, I couldn't lift my eyes to look at the man. I placed the order with difficulty, unable to evenly look at the waiter.
It was supposed to be a double date, but so far, only three people were talking at the table. They tried to include me in the conversation, but I felt left out.
After our food arrived, as I took the first bite and placed my knife nervously on the plate, it fell on the floor. The clatter caused a few heads to turn, and I peeked up to catch Jimin examining me differently. His gaze wasn't unkind, but it wasn't something I was used to. I couldn't read those expressions. "It's okay," Taehyung Hyung's soothing touch made me snap my neck at him.
"I need to use the restroom." I got up quickly.
"I'll go with you," he began as he put his napkin back on his lap. I stopped him.
"No," I had to force a smile, knowing that otherwise, he would never let me leave alone. "Please stay. I'll be back in a minute."
He stayed reluctantly, but I briskly walked to the restroom, feeling all the eyes staring at me like I was naked, and regretted wanting to be bold. I could've walked away undetected if I were wearing normal clothes, but no. I had to make a statement, and it backfired hazardously.
When I entered the lonely bathroom, stopping in front of a sink with mirrors surrounding me, I heaved a few breaths, nausea building in my stomach.
Jimin
"I think I should abort," Taehyung told me, looking back in the direction of the restroom. "He doesn't seem fine."
"Yeah," I agreed. "He was fine in the car. I don't know what happened suddenly?"
Jungkook had been successfully maintaining his distance from me. He was cordial and respectful. I had my doubts in the beginning, knowing how Jungkook always bounced back to me, but he surprised me this year. When he gave me those goodies about a month ago, with a letter, I was sure that he'd come to me any day and tell me that he still loved me. Especially when I found out that Taehyung never received any letter, and I had to hide from him about mine.
We danced together and played football together.
We also did a lot of group study sessions in the park. Ulrich and Jungkook sat together while I sat with my classmates as we studied into the night while sharing a few bites of snacks.
I also saw him in the gym often, but he never once tried to corner me or talk to me.
The bottom line was — Jungkook was moving on.
I doubted his intentions with Taehyung, too, at first when they started going out, but then I understood he was trying his best to forget and turn a new page. I was not unaware of his hardships.
Some part of me always had this sinking feeling because I knew I was the one who had put a stop to our friendship, and now that he was away, I felt the weight of it.
"I'll go and inform the waiter."
"Let me go with you," Rose offered Taehyung, and I watched them leave the table.
My friend had planned a surprise for Jungkook. He intended to ask Jungkook to be his official boyfriend, and he had called ahead to ask the restaurant to prepare a cake and violinists to serenade them at the table while he popped the question with a piece of jewelry.
He'd been the one to propose a double date. I'd double-checked with him if he wanted us to be there. If I were him, I would've preferred to have privacy. The company of friends was welcome, but not at a moment like this. If I were to do this, I would ask Rose privately without an audience. I didn't know what my friend was thinking.
As I wondered why he wanted us there, Jungkook returned to the table. "Where is everyone else?" He asked. I couldn't ignore the red capillaries visible in his eyes.
Clearing my throat, I said, "Some issue with the order. They went back to the kitchen."
He nodded, and that was it. I watched as he looked around and then pulled out his phone. He simply closed off, and it hurt. I might not have wanted him to keep badgering me about his feelings for me, but he was someone I cared for. He still was.
Wanting to give him company until Taehyung returned, I invited his attention. "You look amazing, Jungkook. That shirt suits you."
He looked like I'd thrown something on him, catching him by surprise, and then he simply looked down, a strange smile crossing his lips. "You don't really mean that."
"I do," my heart started racing suddenly. I felt this urge to make him trust me because I saw a glimpse of doubt in his eyes. "It suits your body type." I hoped he took me at face value and didn't think that a straight dude was being extra showy to prove that he wasn't a homophobe.
"Well," he picked up the glass and played with it. "I don't really feel confident in it anymore. I just want to go home."
There it was. The reason why his mood suddenly nosedived. He had the most gutsy and vivid personality I've seen. He was fearless and so fucking smart, and I would have been damned if I let him feel that way. "I am jealous. I wish I dared to wear pretty clothes like you. Taehyung also doesn't dress up like this, but you know... I think it's not for everyone."
I had his complete attention. He was gripping the glass and staring at me with expectation and curiosity. Good. "The outfit you wore on your birthday. I think that was my favorite among all the others you own. You were really something else that night. I couldn't recognize you." I laughed.
"You liked my birthday outfit?" Some of the tension eased from his shoulders, his unbelieving eyes blinking.
I smiled. "Yes."
His presence connected with mine, and slowly, I watched as the drape of insecurity vanished from his face. "Thanks, Hyung, he beamed. "Your dimple also looks beautiful when you smile like this."
Although he was only returning the favor, being polite to say something nice about me, even obligated after I praised him, his words gave me whiplash. Not because they were meant to be flirtatious — Jungkook had a radiantly ecstatic face and he meant what he said in the most unassuming way possible — but because I didn't have a dimple. Did I?
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2 Sep, 2025
Chapter 72: Time is ticking
Chapter Text
Taehyung
"I am only saying that because a family would resuscitate a DNR. Family can't operate on a family, or even a loved one. You don't make decisions in an ethical sense. They are driven from your heart." Jimin was arguing with the professor.
"You are going to be a doctor next year, Jimin," the professor mocked dryly. "What are decisions taken from the heart? Your brain thinks."
"Sure," I interjected before Jimin lost it completely. We weren't really fans of Mr. Haimerl. He was an old man who believed the old ways were right. "But we have technology backing us up. We depend too much on it, might I say. With advances, the patients also know their rights, and we must honor their wishes."
"If a person collapses on a road before you, what would you do?" He directed his challenging gaze at me.
"It's a full code."
"Why? Did the patient ask to be saved? You are acting on your own whim."
"Everyone is full code unless it's properly marked as DNR." Jimin hissed.
"Too many protocols. Too many rules. Are you trying to save a life or fly an airplane?"
"All I am saying is I'd respect a DNR," Jimin said with finality, and I exhaled in distress. Other students picked up where we left and Mr. Haimerl continued to lecture us on how a doctor has to save a life above all, even if the patient doesn't want to be saved. Why prevent suicide otherwise?
Many of us didn't agree with him, giving him examples of terminally ill patients, while many agreed with him.
I honestly stopped giving a fuck.
My father had been calling me for quite some time, but I didn't want to talk to him. I had no answer to his questions.
He wanted me to tell him about my plans. Whether I'd go back to Korea to be a resident or if I'd stay here and pursue an MD.
I didn't know what I wanted. I wanted to get into plastic surgery or anesthesiology from the get-go, but as the last year was approaching at lightning speed, I was struggling with my internship.
I was worried if I'd even get what I wanted, and then there was the thought of Jungkook. He will have been passing his third year when I graduate. He would still have three more years at the Uni. And I wanted to stay close to him.
He was slipping sand at any rate, and I wasn't sure if our relationship would survive the test of distance if I could call what we had a relationship. I had yet to kiss him. I was yet to touch him as I had imagined a thousand times in my head. We weren't even official.
I tried to pop the question at the restaurant, and then after that failed attempt, I tried two more times. Once at the Uni and then at the breakfast date we had. I knew he hadn't a clue the first time I tried on our double date, but since then, I got the impression that he sensed what I wanted to do, and he was avoiding it intentionally.
It was pissing me off.
And to add to all that, the time felt scarce to study enough. I was pulling all-nighters at least once every week.
I envied Jimin and how he managed it all. He had an active sex life. He managed an entire fucking dance committee and held practices three times a week, and managed to play football every day while never lagging in his studies.
Christoph poked me from behind. "What?" I asked.
"Ask Jimin if he is up for a party?" He spoke slowly and clearly, so every word would be discernible the first time. "It's been a while, and I want to invite someone."
I smirked. "Anyone special?"
"No one special. Just a girl I met."
"Just a girl for whom you want to throw a whole damn party? Sure. No one special." I grinned.
"Who is special?" Jimin asked, leaning back to listen.
"Our giant baby has a crush on someone." I teased, earning a punch in my side. I doubled over, groaning, but I knew it was worth it as the man's face turned so red he had to snatch Wolfgang's glasses to cover it.
"Anything funny?" Mr. Haimerl asked, turning to us.
"No." We all spoke in unison, causing the class to burst out laughing.
Who was I to say no to a party? I knew the time was of the essence, but given everything that was happening, I needed to take a break. I deserved it. Thinking quickly about taking Jungkook to the party, I decided to ask him tonight, finally. No more uncertainty.
But there was one hitch in my plan. I tried calling Jungkook, but he didn't answer his phone. When I stopped by his dorm after class, he was missing.
Jungkook
When Jimin texted the group about the party, I knew I had to be there. It was wrong. All the things I'd done to put him at bay, and I was risking it all. For what?
There was nothing that was going to change, but my heart still fluttered at the slightest thought of him or the mere mention of his name. He could ruin me all he wanted; I would still go running if he needed me.
"You idiot," Ulrich called me just as we entered Christoph's house, seeing no one, except the owner of the house and two house staff.
"Hey!!" Christoph seemed like he was already drunk as he came between us and put his arm around our shoulders.
"Hi, sir," I said nervously, trying to remove the deadly arm from on top of me. Ulrich struggled on his side. "We are early."
"It's good, it's good," he let go of us, and we breathed. "The sooner we start, the better." He said excitedly.
I looked at my friend, who shrugged, having no clue what had gotten into our senior. He dialed someone on his phone, and from the way his voice turned huskier, we were sure he was calling a girl over.
"Should we go back?" Ulrich whispered, turning at the sound of a chair screeching.
"Nah," I held his hand and started pulling him inside. "It's not that bad. People will start to come soon."
We went to one of the rooms upstairs, and I started snooping. Ulrich sat on a lounger and pulled up the phone's screen. "Let's quiz. We should utilize our time."
"You want to study at a party?" I asked, pacing towards the king-sized bed and flopping on top of it, the bed someone would get laid on tonight.
I had seen these parties enough times to know what went down. I remembered Jimin and Rosenow in the room at my first party. I had been the one who cockblocked her, but it was obvious what they were about to do. Christoph didn't have an alias 'party god' for nothing. Drinks flew like water. Some of the seniors used drugs. Christoph was big on weed. I always left early, or rather, I was taken back to the dorm early. I wanted to stay tonight.
"Which gene channel disrupts the generation and propagation of action potentials in neurons, leading to early-onset epilepsy and autism spectrum disorder?"
"SCN2A." I answered before Ulrich could give me options.
"Not bad. If a patient has a kidney transplant, what type of drugs are they required to take for the rest of their lives?"
"Immunosuppressants," I glared at him. "A kid can answer that. If you are going to play biology, make it hurt."
I saw the challenge in his eyes. He sat a little straighter, cracking his knuckles. "Tdap during pregnancy can prevent what in the babies?"
I stared at the ceiling, not knowing the answer. He smiled at me smugly."Well?"
"Give me options!" I yelled.
"No!"
"Fuck you!"
"You and I both know I am not your type. And a stupid boy like you is not my type either. The answer is Pertussis."
"Whatever. I am not playing." Sour by the loss, I wandered out of the room to see a few people filing in.
Completely shifting my mood, I ran back to Ulrich, snatching his phone and putting it in my pocket. "Let's go downstairs."
**
Just like the classroom in the morning, the strength came in like a whoosh. The place was buzzing with music, and people's voices echoed from all around before long.
I looked around to see Jimin, but instead, I found Taehyung Hyung screaming into someone's ear over the noise. I didn't know what he was talking about, but I didn't want to confront him.
I could tell lately he was trying to take our dating to the next level. I had seen the signs, but I wasn't ready to commit like that yet. I was still stuck on Jimin, even if I learned to hide it a little better. "You wanna go someplace quiet?" I asked Ulrich.
"You don't have to ask," he told me, like he couldn't leave the party soon enough.
"Then go get that bottle of scotch from the bar. If you come back undetected, I'll hide for the rest of the evening."
"Dude!"
"Relax! It's a weekend."
"I am not worried about that. I am worried about you drinking that much. Don't you remember what happened when-"
How could I forget? "I am okay now, Ulrich. Trust me." I told him sincerely. "I just need to unwind tonight. A lot is going on, and I can't let Taehyung Hyung find me."
"Okay," he looked like he would puke as he looked around scaredly. Running a hand through his hair, he swayed stiffly before taking a long breath. Then he charged towards the bar.
Ulrich had this quality about him that no one ever suspected him of doing anything wrong. He looked like a good boy. And he was a good boy.
After he successfully stole one bottle, we ran upstairs.
I kicked one door open and saw two boys getting naked together. "Not here!" They yelled.
I moved on to the next, hoping it was either locked or empty. "Get out!" A girl screamed, throwing a pillow at the door while another girl sucked between her legs.
"Fuck." I cursed and looked at Ulrich, who was turning blue. I held the scaredy cat's hand and dragged him to the end of the hallway. There was a door slightly ajar opposite an empty room. I pushed Ulrich in, and before I locked it, my eyes fell on a party of three.
I knew now why juniors were off limits on this floor. Fuck. I had seen worse on the Techno. But poor Ulrich's eyes. I gave Ulrich a bottle of water and then put a blanket around him. "We will not go outside until the end."
He nodded, no voice left in his throat, which kinda made me want to laugh, but I bit my cheeks. With my friend finally comfy on the bed, I settled into the chair and opened the balcony door.
The air was cold, but I welcomed it. Winters were almost over, but the gusts always made the temperature seem lower. As I began to drink straight from the bottle, my body began to heat.
Alone with my thoughts, I drank and drank.
I couldn't tell how much time had passed, but when I craned my neck to see Ulrich, he was either dead or fallen asleep. I got up to check, and my feet felt funny.
A giggle tore from inside me. "Shh." I shushed myself as I staggered up to bed in true drunkard fashion and leaned down to confirm my friend's pulse.
"Congratulations, " I slurred. "You are alive!"
Then I shushed myself again, not wanting Ulrich to get up. Then, as slowly as I could, I tiptoed out of the room and locked it from the outside. My feet took me towards the noise. On my last step of the stairs, I stumbled and fell to the ground.
The pair of hands that helped me up were strong. I looked up to see a beautiful blonde man. "Are you Jimin?" I asked and giggled.
He frowned for a bit before looking around. The place was so heavily packed that our movement was restricted. Good. I didn't want to go away from him just yet. I knew I had no business holding onto him for support like that, but I was protected by the liquid courage running through my blood.
"We have to find Tae!" He leaned into my ear to holler. The alcohol on his breath made my spine quake with desire.
I didn't say anything and only enjoyed his fragrance while I could, my eyes not leaving his.
A few seconds later, I spotted Taehyung Hyung, but my drunk mind didn't care. I kept my eyes on Jimin, who took his phone down after having talked to someone. I was able to see how Taehyung Hyung was noticing me staring at Jimin. T hen what I didn't want to happen, happened.
Jimin handed me over to his friend, and I couldn't utter a peep. As I was dragged away by Taehyung Hyung, I glanced back at Jimin one more time, who was now slowly resuming dancing to the beats.
I didn't know when I was lifted. I only closed my eyes and opened them when Hyung put me down.
I was in a room. I looked at the bed, and Ulrich wasn't there. It was a different room.
"Jungkook," Hyung's voice rang in my ears. He walked close to me. Too close. His hand held my waist, and he turned my face to him.
I tried to speak, but my mind was too slow, and still my body cringed and jumped away from him as he tried to kiss me.
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5 Sep, 2025
Chapter 73: Believing in his greatness
Chapter Text
Jimin walked into the gallery in a white shirt and light blue denim jeans, paired with white sneakers. Rosenow had commented on his choice of attire when he was leaving the house, saying he looked much younger. He had only smiled without commenting and picked up his boy and his backpack to drive him to the daycare.
He didn't feel young. If anything, he felt like a sieve from inside, torn, emotions leaking everywhere.
He had called the hospital and informed them that he would be away for an indefinite period, but was accessible by phone. His decision to spend his time at the gallery made him question himself about his intentions, but he couldn't figure out the answer.
On the one hand, he wanted to respect Jungkook's wishes and not force him, but on the other hand, he just had the feeling that he needed to have more perseverance. He had to convince Jungkook to communicate and put an end to the bad blood between them once and for all.
Did he think it was easy? Fuck no. But he was willing to put everything he had to test. One thing was clear to him from the moment Jungkook was gone from his life — the boy held importance.
Had he been just any junior, Jimin wouldn't have driven himself mad trying to find him, investing more time and money than was rational. He wouldn't have taken the punishment silently that Taehyung doled out for years, and convinced himself that he somehow deserved it because deep down he believed that Jungkook disappeared because of him. He wouldn't have let his mental state meddle with his marriage for years if Jungkook were just some boy.
On the flip side, his decision to pursue Jungkook for forgiveness had pleasantly compelled him to stop the practice at the hospital once and for all. He was finally able to put his guilt at rest and trust in his medical staff at the forefront of his thoughts.
Jungkook's single tear had commenced something inside him that was beginning to burn, like a stone pelted at an inactive volcano. He could sense that it was going to boil over, and explosions would be catastrophic. Not only for him, but for everyone who was linked to him.
He would've brought Iseul to the gallery, but he had to be sensitive about Jungkook's emotions. His marriage had triggered the disappearance. He didn't know what his son would do to Jungkook.
As he stepped in, Kijoo jumped down from the counter, which wasn't meant for sitting. "Jimin-ssi..." Her tone was full of horror. "Good morning."
"Morning, Kijoo. Mingyu isn't going to be here in the foreseeable future," I put down the laptop bag at the reception desk. "Is Jungkook here already?"
"Yeah," she nodded, gripping her phone hard. "Can I put your bag in the office?"
"No," He flashed her an easy smile. "Just go by your day like I am not here. Don't feel burdened. I'll be holed up in my office."
The girl shyly smiled and let Jimin walk upstairs.
What Jimin found was Jungkook hunched over an upside-down canvas, his wrists gently swiping the color in an inverted S shape repeatedly. Not wanting to break his rhythm, he stopped a few meters behind Jungkook and watched.
Stroke by stroke, the image became visible. A woman, much like what he had drawn in his first painting, was standing alone in a grand hall, looking at another woman who was looking out the window. The other woman's face was not visible, but her silhouette conveyed her femininity.
Jimin could perceive that Jungkook was trying to ascertain isolation in the piece. The pain and the longing in her eyes viscerally attacked Jimin's heart, reminding him of Jungkook from the past.
He'd known Jungkook was good at drawing. Not good. At the time he had received a portrait from Jungkook, he'd thought that the boy was exceptionally good, but what he could do now with those brushes was magic. There was no other word in his lexicon to define it.
What mystery led Jungkook from being a great artist to a legendary one?
Jungkook's paintings had their USP. The first was that there were colors always spilling out of the edges if looked closely, and the slight imperfection always gave the most natural and human touch to them. The second was the expressions in his subjects' eyes.
In the 'newborn teenager,' Jimin couldn't help but admire how the young woman's eyes were so pure, like a protected angel seeing the world for the first time. He couldn't stop himself from preserving it by buying it. He didn't want anyone who couldn't appreciate it enough to own it.
The thought pulled him out of his reverie. That was the reason why he was there. As he cleared his throat, Jungkook straightened but didn't turn to look. Jimin headed to his office door and unlocked it with a small key.
When he entered, the suffocating smell of humidity caused him to cough. Jimin opened all the windows, letting the fresh air in, before walking to his desk to see that it needed a bit of dusting.
Folding his sleeves up, Jimin walked out. "Good morning, Jungkook."
"Morning," Jungkook spoke suspiciously, watching the man already pacing up to the storage room.
Jungkook stood still as Jimin returned with a dusting cloth and some sort of bottle and began to spray it. The artist then realized it had been a cleaner. Why was Jimin cleaning his office? In the few months of working there, he never once saw him using his office. Why now?
It wasn't as easy for him to get back to work as it was for Jimin, who cleaned the remainder of his office after he was done with his desk.
Hearing the vacuum cleaner, Kijoo climbed up and gestured in a puzzling manner at Jungkook. The man shrugged. How the hell did he know what Jimin was up to?
After a while, Jimin walked out, his hair slightly out of place. "I am sorry for the disturbance. I'll just leave the office open from today so the cleaner can clean it."
Jungkook frowned, not sure if he wanted to respond.
Jimin swallowed the guilt that always threatened to pull him under the surface every time he saw Jungkook and smiled at him. They couldn't both be vulnerable, and he had to act strong. He stepped closer to the canvas, hands perched on his hips as his shoes created a sound on the wooden floor. "If you have some time, I need to talk to you for a moment."
"It's about work," he added quickly before Jungkook could think otherwise.
**
Jungkook knocked on Jimin's door lightly after twenty minutes. He couldn't focus on work after the brief encounter with Jimin anyway, so he decided to get the conversation over with.
"Come in."
He spotted two paintings like those of numerous others in the gallery on the walls as he stepped in warily. "Please take a seat." Jimin offered.
Jungkook sat down, his heart running at a certain speed, which made him a little dizzy. Unsure how to look at Jimin without feeling like he was falling for him every second of the day, he kept his gaze on the table.
"So... I know someone on the neurodiverse spectrum, and his father is someone close to me. The person is into art, but lately he has been acting up and is basically on a block. I wanted to recommend him to have a mentor meet with my gallery artist." Jungkook's head snapped in surprise, and his gaze lowered seconds after his eyes met Jimin's. "But..." Jimin said carefully. "I needed to check with you first. Do you think that is something you'd be interested in?"
"Is he autistic?"
Jimin nodded.
"He must be young. I don't know how talented he is, but I don't think I am good enough to be mentoring young minds, especially the brilliant ones, which I already guess his is."
"What are you talking about?" Jimin felt this compulsive need to make Jungkook see himself. If he could lend his own eyes to Jungkook, he would, to prove the point. "Just because you made your best work the first time doesn't mean you didn't put your all into it."
When Jungkook didn't move an inch and kept staring at the table, he sighed. "I know I should've discussed with you about your painting before claiming it, Jungkook. But trust me, I appreciate it like I believe no one else can."
Jungkook looked away to his side, not saying anything as his face heated.
"The food definitely reached the needy. Rest assured."
His words thundered inside his head, and deep down, he regretted them. It was, after all, Jimin who had understood the gist of what he'd portrayed. He'd named the painting based on Jimin's words of praise, which negated the point of blaming him for gatekeeping his art. But he supposed that he wanted to blame him for something, if not the obvious reason, which, in practicality, would also be irrational. There was not a single thing for which he could fault Jimin, either past or present, and he knew it.
Softening his tone, he let out a sigh of defeat. "I am too broken... And I guess the shards cut everyone who tries to come near me." Jimin couldn't hide his surprise from his expression on hearing the words laced with rawness. His hands itched to reach over and hold Jungkook, even if to deliver a few minutes of reprieve.
"I didn't want to hurt you. I am sorry." Jungkook looked up and downright felt resentment for Jimin when he saw his eyes and found them filled with despondency. Why did Jimin have to care? If only the man turned a blind eye to him and was cruel. It would be so much better for Jungkook to paint him in a negative light and lessen some of his own pain.
"You didn't hurt me. Don't apologize, Jungkook," Jimin dismissed with a smile, his fingers looping together as he sat on the edge of his seat. "Think about what I said. I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't believe in your greatness."
Jungkook didn't know if he believed in himself. It wasn't like he was a trained artist. Some talents were hereditary. His great-grandfathers had been amazing artists. His father was an elegant painter.
When he was three years old, his grandmother started telling him that he drew flowers prettier than any other kid of the same age would. Jungkook didn't believe her as he grew up, being schooled at home and never seeing other kids' work. He hadn't quite realized his own talents in many aspects. He only knew that he was capable of putting his emotions and thoughts onto paper. He was also aware that he could draw a face without any reference picture if he knew it well enough.
In his life, he had drawn mostly his family, his childhood dog, and Jimin. He never tried to draw anyone outside of this pious circle, and perhaps that was why he underestimated himself. Even after getting the job, he felt for a long time that he didn't belong in a professional setting of art, having never studied it, but he loved drawing and painting. After getting his first salary, though that doubt had gotten away from his mind, new insecurities crept in. Seeing Jimin not only think of him as someone talented enough, but also believe in him, soothed some of his wounds in a way he never could've anticipated, and that brought about an almost smile to his face. "Do you really think I could help him?"
Jimin's lips tipped up in a genuine show of elation. "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't believe in you."
"Okay," he nodded. "If it helps him, I'll do anything I can."
"Perfect! I'll arrange for you to visit him next week."
≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾
9 Sep, 2025
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