The See-What-Happens Kid

by CallMeKailey

Summary:

Nico didn’t… he wasn’t the most… so he had no friends. Big deal. Not like those are important in high school. At seventeen, Will decided to grow all tall and jocular, and if he would stop tossing his hair back then Nico might actually get some sleep. If Nico had a habit now of crouching in the dark like a bug to watch Will’s football games, because he knew how much making varsity had mattered to him, that was his own business. Now Nico gets to experience a coming-of-age story, goofing around, making up with his childhood friend and a little drama from keeping secrets. Will's cat is obese and Leo is a terrifying driver. If you're gay you have to read the first chapter and keep going if you like it, it's a new law actually.

Chapter 1: One

The night was hot for September, and the air blowing in my face felt like a warm cushion. It carried the scent of fried food, rubber, and the sweat of the teenage teams in their brightly colored jerseys. The light glared off the lime green field they played on. The cheering was deafening up close, but not at this distance; the helmeted heads were smaller than my pinky fingernail. 

It was a high school football game, and anyone with any sense was roaring on the bleachers. I was watching from the dark grass outside the track fence, because I didn’t want to be seen. Nico Di Angelo and a mob of overheated fans didn’t mix well. 

Sticking to the shadows, I crept closer until I was standing right at the fence. I wrapped a hand around one of the chain links and watched for a moment, trying to spot him in the field. It wasn’t hard. Will wore several pounds of padding, but I knew the way he moved. He was running fast about halfway across the field.

I turned away and sat cross-legged on the ground again, resting my back against the cool metal of the fence post. 

I looked up at the stars, but there were none to see. Apparently, the brilliant floodlights had sucked the brightness right out of the sky.

The cheering grew thunderous, and I turned in time to see Will cross into the end zone, scoring his team a touchdown. I hadn’t seen the football tucked into his arm as he ran. He was too close to the fence where I was sitting, and I skittered from him like a roach, even though he couldn’t have seen me in the blinding glare. With that touchdown in the last few moments, we had won the game. 

Will’s teammates lifted him on their shoulders, and his helmet slipped off to reveal a mussed blond mop of hair, black-striped cheeks, and quiet, lazy eyes, still calm through the shouts and cheers. Will and I were juniors this year, both 17, but Will actually looked it.

He used to be the lanky, friendly guy that geeked out over football, but in recent years, his round face had gained definition, with high cheekbones and a sharp jawline, and I had seen girls and a few boys begin to act differently around him. 

That was about the time we started hanging out in different social circles. That is, he did. I just hung in a circle all by myself.

Of course, it didn’t hurt Will’s popularity that he was now the star of the Varsity football team, just like he had always wanted to be. It was hard not to be happy for him.

I ignored Will and occupied myself by watching the swarms of bugs flitting around the lights. It was slightly alarming how many there were. 

Suddenly, I felt I was being watched. I turned and saw Will staring at where I was sitting, his eyes wide. I had been caught. I leaned away and quickly backpedaled into the shadows, cursing myself for even coming tonight, but the damage had been done. Will seemed dazed now as his team jostled him and patted him on the back.

I turned my back and resolutely kept walking, the air around me getting progressively darker until I hit the wall of an outbuilding on the school’s property. I ducked around it, crouched low, and watched a spider cross the dirt. It wouldn’t be smart for me to leave this spot until well after midnight.

After the field had grown quiet again and movements had ceased, I heard, far away, the resonant, final-sounding click of the lights being shut off. I was plunged into blackness, and I stood and let my legs stretch out. There was something melancholy about an empty track after a football game; the fans took all their good spirits with them. 

The world was a calm gray-black now, with the ever-present orange lights still on to illuminate the outside of the school, glowing far away and small like mushrooms in the dark. A few brave stars were beginning to peek back out to see if the floodlights were gone. I took a few steps toward the parking lot, but then stopped in my tracks. I could hear the swish of footsteps on grass, and they were getting closer. A figure was approaching, dimly visible thanks to the orangish glow. As it got closer, I saw it was a person wearing a grass-stained football jersey, carrying their helmet in their hands. The figure looked up, and I realized it was Will’s face. His hair was an even worse mess than before.

He looked oddly determined, and if he were anyone else, I’d fear he had come to jeer at me. But that wasn’t Will’s style, even though nothing was stopping him. We appeared to be completely alone, which in itself was odd; the game’s star player should’ve been hustled to an after-party right away.

I didn’t know what to do. He had never caught me watching one of his games before, and I hadn’t planned for this. I had figured the most he would do was look sad; I didn’t think he’d come to find me afterward. 

I backed up and met the wall again. 

He kept on walking. 

My heart sped up.

As he approached, I brushed the dust off my jeans just for something to do. His gaze was locked unerringly on my face, and I felt like I was under a spotlight, or a microscope. 

Finally, Will stopped in front of me. He reached up to scratch his nose, and I realized how tall he was. He must’ve hit another growth spurt recently.

He let his arms down and his shoulders relaxed, and that lazy grin I knew so well grew across his face. Oddly, it made me angry at him.

That anger cleared my head. I realized how silly it was to get anxious; I was acting like one of the people that had started flocking when Will hit puberty. He wasn’t a celebrity, unknowable and exciting, a conduit for fantasy. He was still just Will under all the testosterone. 

Will flipped his sweaty hair out of his eyes. “Hey, Nico,” He said in a casual tone. Breezy. Light.

“Hey.” My mind had gone blank for things to say, and every second of silence lasted an eon. When was the last time we had actually spoken to each other? Three years ago? Four? “Um, good game.” 

I suddenly felt awkward and shifted where I stood. That didn’t sound like something I’d say- too stiff, and I was sure he’d heard it about a thousand times already that night.

He smiled, the size of it showing rare dimples. Maybe that had been the right thing to say, after all. 

He said genuinely, “Yeah, thanks! I saw an opening, and I went for it, and I guess we won the game. It’s nice. Being on a team, that is. You know it’s what I’ve always… they’re good guys.”

“Yeah.” 

Will yawned and then said, “Well, thanks for coming to see the game. I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked, but would you maybe want to come hang out at my place? I figured I’d offer, you know, cause you’re here this time and…” he scuffed the ground with his cleats.

Hang out at Will’s? I felt like I had been handed a suspicious package, only to open it and find confetti inside.

I was about to reply enthusiastically when he said, “I’ve got some guys waiting in the car. You’re welcome if you want to join, or- if you would join. Everyone’ll be there, sort of an after party type thing.”

My brain did a complete one-eighty. Suddenly, the offer held almost no appeal whatsoever. I started getting longing images of going home and laying alone in my bed, crunching on the lime-flavored potato chips I had bought the day before at the gas station. I could almost taste the salt, and wished I was there now.

“Oh. Uh…” I could feel my thoughts showing on my face.

Will looked intently at me. “Please come.”

I swallowed air. “Why w….” I paused, trying to form the question.

“It’ll be more fun if you’re there.”

I was not exactly the life of the party, so I couldn’t see why that would be true.

“Why did you keep those guys waiting just to ask me? What about all those people you’re always with?”

Will looked to the right, seeming suddenly downcast. “They’re fans, not friends,” he said. “They hang around me because it makes them more popular, and they just copy me and agree with everything I say.”

“So…” 

“The guys on the team get it, and I’m closer with a couple of them, but the people who follow me around don’t know me, and they don’t really care about me like… like you did.”

It felt like my heart was in a hydraulic press. “I-“

“Past tense, I know,” he laughed. “But it’d still mean a lot to me if you’d come. We do it after every game- I would’ve invited you if you’d been to one before.”

I’ve been to all of them since you made varsity, I didn’t say.

Instead I said, “That’s, uh, really nice of you Will, and I’m sorry that… but I’ve got, um….” I watched the smile melt off his face torturously slowly as he realized I was going to refuse.

He had laid out his heart. How could I tell him that there was no way he could’ve asked that would’ve made me want to go?

I continued, “I’ve got, uh, I’ve gotta… I would have to grab a jacket.” I was already mad at myself, knowing what I was doing.

Will lit up. “We can stop by your place! That’s no problem at all! Or you could borrow one of mine! If we can get one, does that mean you’ll come?”

He didn’t ask why I needed a jacket in a heat wave, and I didn’t tell him that it was just a way to redirect my almost-refusal. 

“...Yeah.”

Will didn’t jump up and down, but his face was radiant. He stood there a moment more, looking at me, and then he turned and I followed. He was walking as buoyantly as a dancer who’d gotten a callback, and I watched his shoulders blink the lights out, orange and black, back and forth as he strode ahead. Our footsteps in the grass were the only sound, but it was deafening.

‘

The first time I met Will’s dad, it was third grade, and Will and I were looking for mustard at his house. Will was laughing, opening cabinets.

I said quietly to him, as if we were bugged, “Don’t we need to ask?” 

He paused like it hadn’t even occurred to him. He then bracingly chirped, “Nope!” 

Just then, Will’s dad burst through the front door. He walked into the back of the couch by accident and dropped the keys down into the cushions, and then his jacket hood got caught on the doorknob, yanking the door open into the wall and causing a cat to bolt away up the stairs.

“William!” His dad boomed. He was clearly oblivious to the chaos he had brought in with him as he kicked the door closed and pulled Will into a side hug. 

“Who’s your buddy?” He beamed, and they both looked over at me. I smiled shyly, food all over my hands.

“That’s my friend Nico,” Will answered. “I asked him to come over after school, and we’re making sandwiches.” He side-hugged me just as his father had done to him. His arm felt like a small cable. He then triumphantly held up the mustard with the air of someone showing off a medal.

Will’s dad registered the scene, and Nico swore he saw his eyes twinkle. “Well, well,” he smiled. “Hey there, Nico.”

“Hi,” I mumbled politely. I tried to wave, but when a shred of turkey unstuck from my palm and landed on the floor with a slap, I quickly shoved the hand into my pocket. The cat hurried down the stairs at the sound of the turkey, but then hightailed it under the living room couch when Will’s dad spoke again. 

“I like this one. Maybe he’ll be a good influence on you, Will. You’re too much like me.”

Will beamed. “He reminds me of mom a little bit. Kind of his eyes. And the way he talks. From when she was younger.”

Will’s dad hummed.

They both looked at me with newly appraising eyes, and I felt uncomfortable. The cat poked its nose cautiously out from the couch in the silence.

“Well!” Will’s dad boomed, and the cat’s nose disappeared again. “I’ve got work to do in the office. Let me know if you kids need anything!” 

Will’s dad beamed at me, and I realized they had the same smile. He ruffled the top of Will’s hair and thundered up the stairs. 

The cat heard him leave and trotted over to eat the turkey on the floor with quiet wet sounds.

I stared dazedly into a wall for a moment, and Will scratched his nose, but he was smiling, looser than before.

 “I like your cat,” I finally said. 

“Yeah. She’s a rescued cat, so her name is Bones ’cause she was so skinny when they saved her.”

“Can I pet her?” Animals had never liked me, no matter how quiet or still I was around them, but I wanted to try anyway.

“Yeah.”

Will leaned down to pet the cat’s back while I reached forward slowly. I waited for her to shy away from me, but she didn’t. I rubbed her neck. She purred like a kitten. I sat on the ground near her, and she rubbed her face on my hand.

A grin slowly crept across my face as her breath rumbled against my fingers. “Your dad is loud.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah. I like it though.” I liked noise. I had the childish drive to make loud sounds for no reason sometimes. If it was too quiet for too long I felt static, lifeless, like the part of a pond that grew scum.

Will said proudly, “Yeah. I can be loud too. Whoooaayy!” He yelled fiercely. 

The cat didn’t run, but she did look at Will, affronted.

“You scared the cat again,” I intoned gently.

“She’ll have to get used to loudness in this house,” Will smiled, scratching her ears.

‘

Will, his dad, and I quickly became close, and I started spending more time with them and less at home.

I had expected my mom to feel left out, maybe start sending strained glances at me, but if anything, she seemed to relax the more time I spent away.

She said once, “It’s a relief to me to know you’re taken care of. I mean, of course you’d be fine and of course I- I do what I can, I mean.” She was rifling through her wardrobe as I lay down on her bed, always impeccably made as clutter piled into the corners of her room. It smelled like clean laundry in my mom’s room, and I found it comforting in an upscale sort of way; I always sat up a little straighter in there than in my own room.

She continued, tossing clothes on the bed next to me, “You practically raise yourself, but I don’t want you to have to. So to know you’re with good people, while I- have to work so much, it’s nice. You can go over to Will’s whenever he asks. But you need to make sure you don’t overstay your welcome, either. Remember your manners. I know you will.”

She tossed her hair back and held earrings up to her face in the mirror.

“Where are you going?” I asked, noticing my voice sounded small. She didn’t have that many nights at home, as often as she had to work.

“Do you remember Aaron?” She asked lightly, putting the earrings back and trying another pair.

“Yeah.” I didn’t like Aaron very much; he smelled too strongly of cologne and talked to me like I was a riled-up dog, not an abnormally mature nine-year-old. Not like Will’s dad; he treated me like another person, like my input mattered.

“Well, Aaron asked me to dinner. I’ve left you some chicken in the fridge.”

I had planned my call to ask Will if I could come over before she had even finished her sentence.

“

Inside the car on the way to the party, it was dark but loud; two of Will’s football friends were sitting next to me, having an aggressively friendly conversation, and they seemed too distracted to involve me in it. It suited me fine; I watched the city go by much faster than I was used to since I got everywhere by walking. Taking a car ride felt like I was a kid again. 

As the car pulled up in front of Will’s house, I wondered if his dad would be there. It was a factor I hadn’t considered before, and it made me nervous. I knew I had changed since childhood, gotten quieter and more reclusive, and I suddenly had the queasy feeling he wouldn’t approve of me now.

Will unlocked the car doors, and the football jocks in the back nearly trampled me, diving over my lap to get out. I crawled out after them to see that they had already pulled Will inside. 

I walked up the old familiar concrete path, more wayward than it had been four years ago, and noticed that the tree we used to climb had been cut down. The bushes were still there, though, smaller than I remembered but still thick and lush. They looked well cared for. 

I still didn’t have a jacket; Will had forgotten about it, and I let it go. It had been a weak misdirection anyway.

I took a deep breath at the front porch, and when I opened the door to the house, a swell of sound greeted me.

The room was a strange magenta color from the lighting and so crowded you couldn’t tell the paint color on the walls through all the bodies. 

I waded through the crowd to the kitchen, where things were a little quieter. I scanned the throng, hoping to catch a glimpse of Will’s dad, usually easy to find in a group, but he was nowhere to be seen. After my nerves, it was anticlimactic, and I was a little disappointed. He wasn’t normally one to miss a party. 

I occupied myself after that by checking out the group, trying to spot a familiar face. Usually, I would’ve gone looking for Will, but that felt a little too much like a kid clinging to his mom’s legs, and I’d already felt like that with Will too often.

A few football players were stretched out on one of the couches- Frank “The Tank” Zhang was among them, sitting next to Hazel from the archaeology club. He looked thoroughly uncomfortable as she leaned forward to talk to her friends.

Jason Grace sat next to Piper Mclean on Frank’s other side. Jason was drinking something that looked suspicious, but from what I knew of him, he would be the type to take drinking responsibly very seriously.

Jason seemed like a pretty cool guy, kind of quiet but with a jawline that could cut glass, and those big nerd glasses that just made him look more stupidly attractive. He was new this year, but he and Percy had become fast friends.

Speaking of Percy, the quarterback was leaning against the counter while Annabeth, his smarter half, chided him for running the faucet into his drink.

“Percy, you’ll water it down.”

“Hey, I’m not gonna drown, and neither is my Kool-aid.”

It was tough to dislike Percy. He and Annabeth had been dating since middle school and still seemed happy together- and everyone was happy for them, because of course they were.

As I watched, Thalia Grace, Jason’s sister, strutted over to the pair at the faucet. If anything in the town could frighten me, it would be her; she loosely wore a black “Death to Barbie” t-shirt and had at least three piercings in her left ear and four in her right. Attitude hung around her like a cloud of perfume. 

Grover Underwood walked to Percy’s side like he hoped no one would notice he was there. He seemed nice, but he was more Percy’s friend than Will’s, so I had never spent much time around him. The four of them stood quietly, looking around, until Thalia remarked, “Is this… Jason Derulo? Ugh, who picked the music?” 

Grover looked offended. “I did.” 

Thalia put a hand on his shoulder and said seriously, “I thought I raised you better than that. Can’t you play, like, Fall Out Boy or something?” She steered him away from Percy and Annabeth.

Just then, the door opened and Reyna Ramirez strode in, getting a whoop from the crowd. She had been elected co-captain of the football team this year alongside Frank and took her job very seriously. 

Leo Valdez slunk in behind her, and Calypso slowly followed. No one was surprised to see them together- they bickered constantly, but spent most of their time in each other’s company.

Calypso was a transfer student- no one knew from where, she was very vague about it- and she’d been staring at Leo pretty much since she arrived at the school. You could tell Leo liked her too, but they’d skirted around one another so far.

Calypso walked over to Percy and Annabeth and Leo flopped next to Piper, and they started a conversation. Piper seemed to be urging him to do something- she kept wildly gesturing toward Calypso, and he kept trying to hush her, looking around sharply. I caught a bit of their conversation.

“-riously, just go up there and-“

“I can’t! Geez, Piper, I’m not good with… o-organic life forms, and there are people all around, I can’t-“

She turned toward Jason and laughed loudly, and everyone looked at her. She subtly nudged Leo’s side, and he stiffly stood from the couch and walked toward where Calypso was standing, laughing with Annabeth at something Percy had said.

As he passed, I could hear him chanting under his breath.

“All da ladies luv Leo, all da ladies luv Leo, all da ladies-“

As he approached Calypso, she slowly turned and narrowed her eyes, clearly expecting a fight. What she wasn’t expecting, however, was for Leo to take her face in his hands and kiss her.

Somewhere someone wolf-whistled, and there were a few off-key strains of nervous laughter before they parted, Calypso tugging a strand of caramel-colored hair behind her ear as Leo, red-faced, shyly grinned.

Calypso grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, walking him toward the wall. Everyone hastily returned to their conversations, unwilling to acknowledge the strange noises emanating from that side of the room.

Suddenly, the music changed, and I heard a man intone, “Where is your boy tonight, I hope he is a gentleman….”

I turned back to my own business too, but then I realized all I had done since I came in was stare at the people I recognized. I took a slow sip of my drink and planned how I would get back home. If I could walk the same route I used to, it should only take about 20 minutes. I hunted for Will in the crowd, but he was nowhere to be seen. 

At some point around 3 am, the raucous laughter grew to be too much for me. I retreated upstairs in search of a dark, quiet place.

I still remembered the layout of the house, and turned the first corner into the office. I could just barely see the silhouette of an armchair, which I sunk into gratefully. I already felt more like myself.

Suddenly, I heard a squeaking, grating sound. I turned to see the impression of a fluffy, overweight cat sauntering in and felt her prostrate herself on my lap, purring loudly.

I could hear my smile in the dark. “Bones?”

I was surprised and delighted that they still had the only cat that seemed to like me. She rubbed her face on my hand just like she used to every time I came over, and my cheeks ached from smiling.

I knew she’d get her fur all over my clothes, which were black so it’d show, but I didn’t care if she left an inch-thick layer, I was so glad to see my old friend. 

As my eyes adjusted to the dark, she began grooming herself on my lap. I pet along her spine, and she licked my hand a bit, seemingly for good measure. She stopped and lay back, but her tongue stayed poking out of her mouth.

I looked out the window and watched a radio tower blink red in the distance. I wondered if I could fly, what it would be like to go to the top of the tower and fly back to the room through the window. No one would even know I was gone.

I could tell by that kind of thought that I must be falling asleep. I lay my head against the back of the chair and closed my eyes, resting my hand gently on Bones’ side. 

Suddenly I heard someone laughing loudly in the hall, a male voice. The door opened, making Bones jump off my lap, and I realized too late that it was probably some football player with his girlfriend. 

When he turned to face the room, I realized it was Will Solace. I hadn’t recognized his laugh and wondered if it was because this one wasn’t genuine like what I was used to. It sounded like the laugh of a million other high school guys.

Oh no, he didn’t come in here with a girl, did he?

I didn’t have time to run through the horror of that thought before he flicked on a light, blinding me, and I half-scrambled for cover. Unfortunately, he noticed.

“Oh! Wow, Nico, sorry, I didn’t know you were in here.”

He turned off the light again, which was a nice gesture, except that the greenish afterimages completely eclipsed my vision; I couldn’t even see the blinking red tower anymore when I looked out the window. My lap felt unpleasantly cold and hairy in Bones’ absence.

Will said, “Mind if I join you?”

He sounded close. I half-snorted.

“It’s your office.”

“It’s my room, actually.”

I felt my eyes widen at my unintentional breach of privacy. “I- I’m sor-“

I saw motion and thought Will probably moved his arms in a ‘no-worries’ way. “Hey, hey, it’s fine! It used to be the office, but we switched it out so dad could have more space. I could’ve locked it if I really cared, anyway.”

I heard his bed springs creak like he sat on the edge, and I heard him shifting to get comfortable. I caught a whiff of beer on his breath and wondered where exactly he had gone when I couldn’t find him. “Sorry,” he said, “I’m usually a better host. I would’ve rather hung out with you, but the Karpoi triplets had drinks out back and Ceres came so I sort of had to do damage control….”

“It’s fine.”

“I know. But it’s not how I pictured it.” He was quiet for a moment. “Oh, you know what?” The bedsprings creaked, fast and high pitched this time, as he jolted up. “I think I have…” He opened what sounded like a closet door, and rifled through a bunch of windbreaker material. 

“Here,” he said, sounding pleased with himself. 

I felt him drape a jacket lopsidedly over my shoulders; I reached to correct it, and my hand accidentally brushed his. His hand was tense; I could feel the tendons standing out in lines down the back. I pulled the jacket around myself from the inside instead, smiling at the warmth of his gesture. 

Will returned to the bed, making it squeak again as he sat back. Trying to make safe conversation, I said, “So, um, where is your dad tonight?”

Will’s shifting sounds halted in a way that made me sorry I’d asked.

“He went to bed early.”

“Oh. I was surprised he wasn’t downstairs, with your team there and all.”

“He’s…. not around for parties so much anymore. I guess he thinks I’m getting old enough, you know? He’s gotten busy with work, and so… I wish he were down tonight though, Nico. He would’ve loved to see you.”

I felt pleased and a little embarrassed. 

We sat silently for a minute, and my eyes slowly adjusted to the dark again. Will’s silhouette was visible now, leaning over against the wall, propped up on his elbow. The room seemed smaller than before with two people in it. 

Will asked, “So, why’d you come in here? Party too much for you? I wanted to talk more tonight, like I said, but people kept… you know how it is.”

Of course I don't, I thought, feeling fond of him for imagining I did ‘know how it was’ to be sought after like that.

“Oh, I’m not doing much of anything. I was petting Bones a minute ago.” Saying the cat’s name to him felt almost vulnerable. It felt like I was stepping back into my past, but it was a little too small for me now, tight in the shoulders. 

Will laughed, his real laugh this time. “I bet she loved you for that.”

“I felt like she recognized me.”

“She’s a smart cat.”

I noticed her then under Will’s bed, visible between his dangling feet, watching me with reflective eyes.

Will went on, “The name Bones doesn’t really apply to her size anymore, but it stuck. Especially with dad. He’s her favorite person in the world now.”

“It’s nice that she stopped being scared,” I said.

A few minutes of silence passed. I noticed dazedly that neither of us had spoken for quite some time. I saw Will’s hand slide across his chin, and then his head bowed… of course. He’d fallen asleep.

I was worried about his sitting up- that would be quite some crick in the neck tomorrow- but he adjusted in his sleep. 

I curled up in my own chair and was soon drowsing. When the sky had just begun to lighten, I woke up a little and realized Bones had jumped on my lap again and was lying across my arm, purring in whispers. Appreciating the warmth, I went dead to the world.

Notes:

If you're confused, the Karpoi triplets were those dudes that were like "BARLEY WHEAT SORGHUM", so they're the ones that brought alcohol to the party.

Please comment what you think so far (fave line? Did you like the wet turkey-eating-noises? There’s more where that came from) or kudos it because it adds fuel to my motivation. You can’t stop the story, but you CAN speed it up. Contacting the authorities will be fruitless. Also if you ask me where ‘frank the tank’ came from I'll have to be honest that i have no idea

Chapter 2: Two

The face was speaking to me, but its voice was muffled. Suddenly, words shone crystal clear from its mouth…

 “Oh, you are in so much trouble.”

I jumped and opened my eyes, the voice cutting through my dreams.

The sunlight streamed in through the windows, and Will was lifting his head, hair mussed and eyes dark blue and wilted with sleep. Frank stood in the doorway, his hand over his mouth. He whispered,

“Everyone thinks you’ve been- when your dad finds out- oh my god, you’ve been here all night ?”

“Frank!” I could feel my ears heating up. “We just came up here and talked. We fell asleep. Accidentally. That’s it .” 

Will was still blinking sleepily, tossing his head back to keep his hair out of his eyes. He seemed, mercifully, too tired to understand the implications of the conversation.

Frank pointed out the door behind him. “We’d better- uh, Percy’s making breakfast. Would you explain what you did- I mean didn’t do?” he rubbed his head bashfully. “I mean… I really don’t want Will’s dad to kill me.” 

Frank ran.

‘

When we made it downstairs, Will still yawning, we found a small group waiting for us. Frank, Annabeth, and Percy must have spent the night also and were at the stove, and someone else was sitting at the table with their face hidden by a newspaper. There were a few trash bags piled up at the door, full of red solo cups and one with a broken lamp cutting through the side. The stove clock said 11:31 am.

The house looked more welcoming without the party lights, but still a little washed out compared to my memories. It was a comforting dullness that made it feel more real, like a faded old blanket compared to a blanket in an ad.

Percy began flipping a pancake while Annabeth hovered anxiously nearby. Frank was handing Percy ingredients, hands fluttering over the pan as it was waved crazily.

“Just… can’t get them to… unstick…” Percy was muttering to himself through clenched teeth.

As we approached the table, the newspaper lowered, and behind it was Will’s dad. When he saw us, he dropped the paper to the table completely, and his eyebrows pushed his blond hairline back a few inches.

“Hey, Nico! How’ve you been, kid?”

He stood up, chair shrieking across the tile floor, and offered me a one-armed hug.

He smelled the same as ever, shaving soap and enthusiasm, and seemed genuinely thrilled to see me. My fears of his disapproval were instantly calmed, and a rush of relief and joy washed through me. As if Will’s dad could ever be less than warm.

He sat back down but leaned forward eagerly, and I carefully lowered myself into a chair. I tried to scoot forward without making the terrible noise of the chair legs on the tile, but it screeched anyway.

“I’ve been good,” I hedged, conscious of Will looking on intently. “Same old, same old.” I flashed a smile. Mr. Solace wasn’t buying it.

“Y’know, it’s been quite a while since I’ve seen you around here. I guess you and Will made up?”

I knew everyone was staring at me, Will included. 

I could actually feel my face go red. Itchy waves of heat traveled through my body, and my face felt so warm that if I was wearing glasses, they would've fogged up. It was a terrible time for the extra heat to make me realize I was still wearing Will’s jacket.

“You bet they did.” Percy muttered, grinning wickedly, and then turning back to the stove when Annabeth smacked his arm.

“Uh, we, uh…”

Luckily, this time, Will took pity and rescued me.

“Yup. Hundred percent. We’re buds again, right, Nico?”

Will raised his eyebrows and tilted his head, staring at me pointedly. He couldn't have made it more obvious that he was giving me an out if he’d installed a neon sign above his head.

I nodded fervently. “Yes. Buds.”

Will’s dad took a sip of his coffee, smile temporarily hidden behind the porcelain rim. “I’m glad to hear that. It wasn’t quite the same around here.” I felt awkward and blamed, which was ridiculous. The fight that broke up the friendship hadn’t been my fault, and anyway, Will’s dad wasn’t like that. I needed to get used to trusting nice people again.

Will said, “Anyway, how can you still be here, dad? I thought you had to work early today.”

Mr. Solace shrugged. “They could spare me after all. So Nico,” he leaned over again, “Tell me how your mom’s doing these days. I haven't talked to her in a while.”

Crap , I thought suddenly. I hadn’t communicated with my mom since before I left for the game last night. A sick wave of guilt washed over me. She probably thought I was dead.

“Uh, she’s good. Better. I actually have to call her real quick, will you excuse me?”

I stepped into the hallway and dialed, my breathing fast. She picked up on the third ring. “Hello?”

“Hey, mom, it’s me.”

“Hi, Nico. How are you?”

She sounded normal, but tired. It was her ready for bed voice, not like she’d been stressed about her only son disappearing for over 12 hours. 

“Fine. I just thought I should call you to check in.”

“Did you get my text?”

I subtly checked. She hadn’t texted me. 

“Oh. I see I typed it but forgot to send it. I’m sorry. I wanted to let you know I picked up an extra shift. I hope you weren’t worried when I didn’t come home last night. By the time I got home an hour ago, you'd already gone out for the day. I know you like to jog in the morning. Are you at the park now?”

For some weird reason, the words “I’m at Will’s” stuck in my throat. I didn’t want to hear her reaction. I chose to keep my location to myself. 

“Uh… yeah.” If she hadn’t noticed I was gone all night, I wasn’t about to tell her. 

She yawned, an airy sound through the phone. “Well, I’m going to turn in. I hope you have a great day, love you and I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

“Okay.” She hung up, and I was left in the empty hallway, staring at the wall.

I returned to the table, responded to Will’s dad’s polite question with, “She’s good, just tired. Picked up an extra shift last night,” and put my chin in my hand.

The clock turned to 11:39, and exactly then, Percy shook the pan so hard to unstick the pancake that the bottom of it tore off, still attached to the pan, and the rest went airborne. As if in slow motion, I watched the misshapen dot grow larger as it flew toward me.

Will’s football training kicked in and he lurched across the table, catching the pancake in one hand. While everyone looked on, impressed, Will took a giant bite out of it, tearing and eating it like an animal. He turned to Percy.

“It’s great, bro.” 

Percy gave him a thumbs up, and Frank clapped a few times. Percy poured another round of batter straight onto the charring remains of the previous pancake.

“Boys.” I heard Annabeth mutter as she sat at the table across from me.

She flicked her eyes over to me, and I raised my hands.

“Hey, I’m with you.”

She smiled a little. As she did, Frank came over and sat down, and Will also returned fully to his seat and tipped his head back, seeming lazy and comfortable in the sunny kitchen. He asked, “So who cleaned up?”

Frank answered, “We all did, sorta to say thanks for the party. And for letting us stay over.”

“See, Will, I like these ones,” Mr Solace grinned. Will frowned at him.

‘

After breakfast, Will left to drop Frank off at his house. I’d expected I’d start the walk home also, not wanting to wear out my welcome, but Mr. Solace insisted I stay a little longer.

“Oh, c’mon now, I’ve hardly seen you in four years. I have some work to do for a few hours, but there’s a football game on at 3:00. If you’d like to stay, I’ll drive you home after. You and Will should catch up,” he said, with Will’s same earnest blue eyes.

At the phrase “football game,” my ears pricked up the way a ladybug pops out its wings.

Football games at the Solace house were an old family tradition that I had happily fit myself into. Will’s dad used to set out cheese, crackers, and pretzels on the coffee table, and then doze in his armchair. Will had always enjoyed football, but as children, after the first few minutes of watching, we would want to do something else. We would build forts with the sofa cushions, sneaking a few pretzels in, and only pay attention every once in a while when the players did something especially athletic. As we got older, we began giving the games our full focus, with the occasional pillow wallop when one of us got distracted enough.

I watched like I watched any other tv show, periodically giving my attention to snacks or bathroom breaks instead, but Will was enraptured once he turned ten and started really watching; his wide blue eyes never left the screen. He would sit dazed through commercials, patiently waiting for the game to return, his face shining like he had never imagined anything so wonderful. Early on I would try to get his attention to go do something else, pulling his arm or poking his cheek, but when he was unresponsive I just took to watching him instead of the games. After the football was over, while playing video games or tag or eating dinner, Will pretended to be a football player, tackling inanimate objects and making ridiculous rolls and dives. 

As we got older, around age twelve, Will’s dad’s interest grew to match his son’s and they would cheer and jostle each other, surpassing the crowd in sheer enthusiasm and crowing fight songs. They’d get up and practice touchdown dances during commercials. I didn’t usually join them, because I never wanted to leave the warm cocoon of blankets I had a habit of making in the corner of the couch, but I loved the easy way they laughed together. 

“That could be you,” Will’s dad said once, pointing at the screen while they were roughhousing. 

Wills responded doubtfully, “The NFL, dad?”

Mr Solace raised a finger. “Varsity football.” He pointed the finger at Will, eyes twinkling. “If you work hard for it.”

Mr Solace continued, “You’ve got the passion. Maybe think it over.” He turned to me. “You could, too, Nico, if you wanted to.” I was happy he included me, but I also knew with certainty that the football field wasn’t my place.

I know Will did make varsity a few years later. But I don’t know what they did during football games after age thirteen. I wasn’t witness to their rituals anymore. 

The memories flooded me and I couldn’t make myself leave without reliving them. It felt like the minute I left Will’s house, the dream would be over and we would return to not speaking. Our truce was fun for now, but too much had changed for things to ever return to the way they were.

‘

Until I was nine years old, none of the kids at school talked to me. I thought it was probably because of something I was doing, but I didn’t know what. I was like a shadow, sitting through classes and eating my lunch in silence. 

Nothing changed when I went home. I decided that my mother must have been engulfed in her own thoughts, ruminating on the divorce, because she was very quiet and didn’t smile. My half-sister Bianca had gone away with my father and his new family. 

Mom didn’t like to be disturbed while she thought, and her least favorite thing seemed to be when I asked questions. Her voice would get sharp and agitated at the interruption. So I was obedient and silent, but it only made her more silent as well. When we ate dinner, I could hear every whistling scrape of my fork on the plate.

Everything changed for me when some blond kid started going to our school. He was new, and I figured he must not have noticed whatever I was doing wrong, because he chose me to be his first friend.

He would ask to be my partner in class, as if I had a line waiting he needed to get ahead of. He would ask if he could sit with me at lunch, and then would pleasantly chat about sports and medicinal herbs and whatever else ran through his mind. At first he asked about me as well, but when I had nothing to contribute, so used to being quiet and not asking questions of others, he didn’t seem deterred. He quickly gained friends, with his bubbly and inclusive personality, and eventually the table got too rambunctious and noisy for me- there was one kid who poured his milk all over his tray of food and then fell asleep in it, which I was NOT stepping near.

I had begun dodging the lunchroom altogether when one day, Will found me under the stairs with the janitor’s things at the back staircase. He coaxed me back to the cafeteria, where I sat next to him and felt everyone staring at me with my dusty hair.

It was better the next day. Then, nibbling my food, I tuned in to hear what Percy was saying, and laughed quietly with the rest when he made a joke. A few people I didn’t know turned surprised eyes on me, and I tried to hide in my collar.

Had I ever laughed at school before? Had I ever laughed out loud before in my life? It was like the whole table had just realized that I was there, or that I was human. I held still. Then, Percy nudged my shoulder with his own, grinning, and the table chatter continued, more animated than before. I hid my shy smile from Percy and continued to eat, aware that Will was looking at me now, a self-satisfied grin on his kind young face. 

After that, things got a little better. I had a best friend who invited me over to his house, people weren’t so uncomfortable around me now because I was Will’s friend so how bad could I be, and Will and his father were like the other half of the family I always wanted.

The day I came home glowing with my social success, my mother’s eyes relaxed at the corners. She was never so tense again.

‘

“Oh, come on! That was a foul !”

Will’s dad yelled, nearly overturning the bowl of popcorn in his lap. The bag of party-refuse by the door was slowly splitting open further, not that either Solace noticed. Will, fist raised, was yelling obscenities at the TV, apparently oblivious to the fact that he was screaming at colored pixels. His hair shook with his indignance, still damp from a shower.

I sat back in my chair, a little smile playing on my face. 

There didn’t appear to be too many formative tradition evolutions I had missed. Sure, Will’s voice was deeper, and sure, Mr. Solace didn’t get up to do victory dances anymore, but it was still as high-charged as I always remembered. It was bizarre how it felt like stepping back in my own history; it was bracing, a happy weight in my chest.

During the next post-touchdown euphoric shouting match, I actually stood and went in the kitchen, feigning lack of ham-and-pineapple pizza as my reason when, in reality, I really just wanted to get away from the noise for a minute. 

Will’s dad had protested the pineapple but gave in in the end, as it turned out that it was my favorite as well as Will’s.

Gently, I ran a finger along the crack in the counter that was my first attempt at cutting a watermelon when I was 7. 

There was still a gash in one of the cabinets where Will nicked it with a pocket knife, jumping to grab a glass, and the mosquito netting on the window over the sink was still torn up from the cat climbing on it.

I missed this place, my second home, nearly as much as I missed the people who lived in it.

This wasn’t the first time I’d spoken to Will since that day, but they were mostly pained smiles in passing, or one head nods in the hallways at school, me or him but never both at the same time. I never really thought he might’ve missed me, too.

‘

Over 3 years earlier

‘

It was Nico’s 13th birthday party, and Will was slumped over a picnic table, resting his jaw in his hand as Percy enthused about sea creatures. “-hermaphroditic,” he said, and Will wrinkled his brow at him.

Nico’s mother worked in the school kitchens in those days, and she had pulled a few strings to have Nico’s birthday party in the gym. Everyone was invited, and nearly everyone came, too, largely thanks to Will’s sparkling social charisma. 

Nico was gone at the moment. He’d jumped at the chance to pick up the cake with his mother, and anyone else would mistake his intentions for pure, but Will alone knew of Nico’s true plan: he just wanted to get there first so he could eat all the frosting decorations off the cake while still in the car. 

Percy’s eyes kept straying over Will’s right shoulder, and quickly Will turned to see what Percy was so interested in, only to see Annabeth chatting with someone in the corner.

Will raised his eyebrows knowingly, and watched a dull pink spread across Percy’s cheekbones. Will nudged Percy with a shoulder, and Percy stood, turned to give Will a lame, adorable little salute, and walked across the table toward Annabeth. She and Thalia stepped aside to make room for him, and he practically bounded into the group.

Will turned to the girl on his left, who was sipping her kool aid through a straw thoughtfully. He extended a hand and a friendly smile, his best for the occasion.

“Hi, I’m Will,” He grinned. The girl smiled back.

“Rachel.”

They shook hands, and Rachel’s fingers were black. Will looked at them questioningly, and Rachel flicked her eyes down to look at them, and grinned, “Yeah, I was working with charcoals just before I got here, and you know how that goes.”

Will nodded knowingly, shared a conspiratorial smile, even though he wasn’t entirely sure what charcoals were, unless Rachel meant she had started a fire.

Will turned at the sound of a thunk immediately to his left. A girl walking by had hit a knee on the seat, and fell into the seat with a sigh of disgust. She inspected her leg, and then swiveled, legs now under the table. She turned to look at Will. He tried to think of a way to indicate he hadn’t seen her blunder, but couldn’t think of one. 

Grasping for something to say, he didn’t notice her words, and had to ask her to repeat them. He could make them out under the bassline- “-co?”

“What?” he had to yell.

“So how’s Nico? This is his party, right?”

Sighing with relief, he felt himself smile easily. This, he could do. He could easily talk about anyone other than himself and any life other than his own, and as he considered Nico something of a personal success as well as a friend, he had a lot to say. 

“He’s good! I don’t think he expected so many people here, so I’m worried he’ll be nervous. Especially because of Percy.”

“What do you mean?” She shouted, eyebrows furrowed. 

Will remembered Nico’s stilted behavior around his friend. “Percy makes him nervous. He always blushes.”

Her eyebrows skyrocketed, and Will wondered where he went wrong. He was usually good at talking to people, and easily made them like him. He mulled this over while the girl stood and left, hurrying over to a friend of hers. They started conversing in urgent whispers.

He sat contentedly making small talk with Rachel about her smudged charcoal hands and didn’t notice a few people’s astonished glances and frantic whispering.  

"Oh my god, is Nico really-“ 

"I don’t know, I heard it from Zoe, but you do realize he’s never had a girlfriend-”

“Yeah, and he doesn’t like sports, and Will would know about that , I mean, better than anyone-"

“But he said he likes Percy.” The hiss from Percy’s name echoed around the gym.

“No wonder Will keeps trying to be his friend. He’d be all alone otherwise. Will’s so nice.”

“I wish this was his party.”

‘

I stepped out of the car, fingers a mess with blueish frosting and happy as a clam. I quickly grabbed a napkin, glancing around furtively in case anyone saw me. I had smudged the frosting so it was level across the top; no one would be able to prove there were decorations on that cake in the first place.

As I made my way to the gym, I noticed a few strange looks.

Strange looks used to be the norm for me, but since I’d been friends with Will that had changed. Did I have something on my face? I noticed a strange shadow in my reflection in the glass. I stepped up, but I looked ordinary. What were they all staring for?

Ah, wait- I had a smear of blue on my cheek. Smiling at my own paranoia, I wiped it off with my sleeve and carried the cake inside.

‘

I set the cake down on a table, but I still felt like I was being stared at. I decided it must be because they were trying to see the cake (not that it was much to look at anymore without the decorations no one could prove existed), but their eyes didn’t linger on it once I set it down. I took a deep breath; they were probably just looking at me because it was my birthday.

Then, a hyper blond girl ran up to me, panting with excitement. Wild eyed, she asked me loudly, “Are you gay ?”

The gym had suddenly become as silent as a tomb. My ears rang and I stared blankly at the girl, who tucked a lock of golden hair behind her ear.

“Only it’s just that you’ve never had a girlfriend, and you’re kind of…. petite. Are you? Do you like Percy?”

Horror shot through my system, along with complete mortification. Percy was right in earshot, looking wide-eyed. 

“What?” My own voice sounded foreign to me, wispy and far away. I felt like I was on a stage, like I was taking a test I hadn’t studied for. My face was a thousand degrees.

Apparently taking my silence for an affirmative, the girl turned and walked off. I found myself at a table and sat down, legs shaky and breathing short. I felt sick. That had come out of nowhere. The entire gym averted its eyes and moved on, tension gone, question answered.

‘

I was watching Will at lunch as he sat silently, staring into his plastic cup of peaches while the rest of the table chattered and laughed. Things had been weird with Will lately. It started at my 13th birthday party, which had just been a weird night overall. I hadn’t thought it was related, and expected Will to be the same great friend to me he had always been, but it seemed that night had had some sort of impact on him.

Will and I had our share of minor squabbles, but this was something different. He hardly spoke to me, and I couldn't tell if he was mad, or what he was feeling. Normally you never had to guess with Will. He was never quiet, even when he was angry.

A month after my birthday, I'd had enough. Will had stopped coming over to me, stopped sitting next to me in class, instead sitting at the front of the room- and in the lunchroom we sat together like always, except that Will started turning to talk to Percy instead. Things between Percy and I had been awkward until he had apparently satisfied himself with my lack of interest, which was a hard-won facade I put on. I had never wanted to feel that way for him and I was absorbed in making the feelings go away as soon as possible, and after a bit of careful watching, Percy had relaxed around me again. The rest of the school had moved on, because I was giving no one anything to talk about and they were no longer interested. The only one still being weird around me was Will. That day he had finally changed seats altogether, sitting on the other side of the table and a few down from me, leaving an empty seat beside me that no one else wanted to fill.

I decided to ask Will about the change on the walk from school to his house. Every day I would stay at the Solace’s until I had to go home to bed, and more often than not ended up sleeping over. Mom worked so much, she barely blinked and noticed I was gone. She just wanted me to be taken care of, and at the Solace’s I was. Mr. Solace went out of his way to make sure I felt like I was wanted there- he told me once I was always welcome, and I had carried that feeling with me ever since, treasuring it like a jewel that I could take out sometimes to admire. 

We crossed the first stoplight on the walk, and I ignored the feeling that the people in the cars were watching us. I focused on Will instead, and saw that he was not looking at me, staring as if diverted by and very interested in a patch of green sod in the otherwise tan landscape. I swear I saw a head tilt, as if he was contemplating it deeply, or wanted me to think he was.

“Will, is something wrong?”

I expected him to be shocked that I talked first, or at least to pretend he was, but he didn't say anything for a minute longer. I started to really worry then.

Will answered with his head still turned away. His tone was empty and measured.

“...Yeah. I don't think I can be your friend anymore. We’re too different.”

I let that sink in for a minute. The sinking sensation kept going even once I understood.

“We’ve always been different. That's why we’re friends, isn't it?”

Will hesitated. “Yeah, but I mean like… you haven’t been honest with me. I would've trusted you. That's what makes us different.”

“What? You know stuff about me that no one even...”

“Why didn't you tell me you were gay?”

My throat felt dry. It felt like the world had stopped moving, even as our feet touched the sidewalk and I watched the people in the cars instantly return to their own business, slowly accelerating as the light turned green.

 “What? I don’t- does that matter to you? What, you don't see me the same?” 

Will started to speed up, long legs making strides I had to jog to keep up with, which made me feel ridiculous. As he walked, Will spoke, angry and harsh.

“That's not the part that matters. I thought I was your best friend. Why didn't you tell me yourself? You had so many opportunities, and you kept it a secret? It feels like you lied to me. And Percy ? You know he likes Annabeth, right, not you?”

My ears felt like they were on fire. I felt like I was about a foot tall, and the trotting to keep up wasn’t helping. “Hey. That’s- I’m working on the Percy thing, okay? I have it under control.” I was starting to get angry. “And he doesn’t care about it, so why do you?” And why so much ?

“I found out on your birthday. Zoe told me, and she said she’d known for a while. All this month I kept waiting for you to tell me yourself, but you didn’t. You never thought to take your best friend aside and tell him, hey, here's this massive secret? I thought we told each other everything.”

“Will, I didn’t tell anyone .”

“The whole school knows, Nico. Everyone knew but me.”

“I don't know how everyone found out.” Maybe I had been more obvious than I thought.

Will said, “Me neither. I just know I didn't find out from you.” His steps slowed a little, anger no longer propelling him forward, or maybe he had had enough of watching me stumble. It felt like I was running after him, which went against my grain. I’d happily be alone rather than seem needy.

Will was staring straight ahead as he walked. “I'm gonna make varsity in high school. You're my best friend and everyone knows I’m associated with you, and you sleep over all the time, and people won't even want me on the team if they think I'm-” Will turned with an expression of fervor, but his face fell as he watched me; I don’t know what my own expression must’ve looked like, but Will’s voice softened a little.

“And that’s not even- everyone thinks I’m oblivious, or they’ll think I’m not trustworthy because you didn’t trust me. And everyone sees that I’m your only friend, and you know I'm the only real friend you have and the only one that’s ever there for you, like, not even your own mother-” this time he looked at me and stopped dead. He stopped talking, and walking, and seemingly breathing. There was utter silence. I didn’t know how to respond.

After a few of the longest moments of my life, Will spoke into the silence I was letting sit there instead of replying, which was typical. “Nico, I’m sorry. I let my stream of consciousness take over, I just… I have nothing to say.”

“So that’s what you think about? When you’re quiet?”

“No. I mean, yes, but not- not like that. That was worse than what… what I usually think.”

“Worse how?”

“I said it like I was angry. I usually just watch and imagine how it would be if I wasn't there and feel… really sorry for you. Like genuinely. You don't seem to know how to notice anyone else.”

I just stood there. Distantly, I wondered if he was finished speaking, but I should’ve known who I was dealing with. I watched his chest expand again with breath to speak as if in slow motion. 

“Just, like, you don’t know how good it can be to have friends. You have me, and I really do like you. But if anything ever happened between us I just think you’d be alone. I feel like… like I give you everything good you have. Because I’m the only one willing to give it. But if it weren’t for me you would have to want it and work for it yourself. You would have to give first. And I don’t think you’ve ever learned to do that.”

I was still shaking from the things he had said about me, about my mother. About my crush on Percy. About how that would affect him . His varsity chances. Like that mattered more than knowing me.

My tone came out clear, with a tiny shake at the end. “Say hi to your dad for me. I won't be sleeping over tonight. Too risky, right?” I turned and walked away. My heart was pounding from jogging but my head felt oddly, eerily calm.

I noticed the lack of any footsteps behind me, and I was sure that if I had turned around, he would’ve been standing completely still.

‘

I started avoiding Will's eyes. I think he hadn’t realized the effect our conversation would have, what I would take away from it, because once or twice he glanced at me like a puppy who was still bumbling around on too-big paws, but I wasn't ready to forgive him. I couldn't be around him without wondering if he was still thinking of how pathetic I was, no social skills, no raising except what his dad gave me.

I ended up moving to a different table at lunch that was always empty because I couldn't stand seeing him think through how to start a conversation with me in a way I might accept. With no one to talk to in the cafeteria, I started bringing my notebook, initially so I could pretend to look busy, but then I got into drawing and journaling. In class, I'd draw on my own skin. 

The time with Will started to feel like a happy dream. Any time I would miss Will, and think of reconciling, the phrase about him giving me all the good things I had would echo in my head. If that was how he felt, I didn't want to be around him. I had my own growing up to do. I knew I wasn't cut out for football, but I wanted to do something to occupy my time, and I wanted to do it with no input from Will, none whatsoever. I didn't even want him to know about it, or he might give me a proud parent smile, think he was vindicated.

No longer part of a friend group, I realized that my default choices led me to be alone somewhere quiet. I thought that had changed since I was a kid, that I’d find a new friend group of my own and not go back to staring at plaster alone, but it hadn’t. Will was the force that drew me out, that held my other friendships together. 

As we grew apart, it was like the moon’s shadow covering the sun; it dimmed so gradually that I didn't notice the change until I could hardly see my hand in front of my face, until all my old friends were strangers. It never went completely dark, because I had a lot to think about and decide what I wanted and who I wanted to be. But with Will and his dad out of my life it felt like I'd lost half the people who were supposed to help me grow up.

‘

When Sophomore year of high school started and Will finally made Varsity, I watched from afar as his life changed. His appearance and attitude and friend group morphed; his confidence bolstered his charisma and he became one of the most popular guys in the school. He never got the jock bravado so many did, though; he stayed his calm, friendly self, with that lazy smile and quiet good humor. He reminded me of a lion sometimes, golden and lounging in the long grass, the kind that would let cubs pounce on his tail.

I made a habit of going to the football games that were a big deal. I sat in the stands the first time, drawing during the stops and starts that are apparently frequent in football, but the stands were loud and bright and I felt exposed, like Will could easily see me. I couldn’t explain why I didn’t want him to know I was there- it felt like a concession, like I was giving in to something. Also, I couldn't think of a good reason he would still care about our old friendship, and wondered if I was a loser for not moving on, and that feeling was enough of a deterrent to stay far away from him, just in case. Every time I thought about that, darkness started to sound pretty good.

After that first time, I started walking from my house at night (I knew I was scarier than anything in our dinky town) to the football field and watching from the fence near the perimeter, trying to guess which padded testosterone monstrosity Will could be. That method saved me money on tickets, which is what I would have told anyone if they'd asked my reasoning; I thought that one up on one of the walks over.

Something in me couldn't dismiss our old friendship, or forget how much making varsity meant to him. I had never thought I wouldn't be there to cheer him on, and I felt the need to support him, even though we showed no signs of ever becoming close again. 

Our lives were a little different in high school: Will was taking the school by storm on the classic jock track, and I had entered myself in a few art contests and had one honorable mention to show for it, and had spent the rest of my free time exploring the town at night. I had gotten inspired because of the football walks and started doing it to look for ideas for my drawings, but as my interest in art cooled, wandering itself became my hobby; seeing familiar sights in the quiet dark was very therapeutic.

Once Junior year began, I started coming to all the games, not just the big ones- I had gotten a little interested in the ranking. It was my school too, after all.

That was where Will had found me and dragged me to the party, and his dad had driven me home after watching the game together Saturday afternoon, as promised. I was sitting at school the following Monday and wondering if I should sit in the stands the next game, now that Will and I seemed to be okay again. Would he think he had to invite me to a party every time? What if he did a second time, would I even wanna go? I thought of Bones and smiled to myself.

I sat in my English classroom just after everyone left for lunch, thinking it over. 

About halfway through the lunch period, I decided I had better go eat. I refused to think about how sure I was that I wouldn't be welcome at Will’s table, not like I was when we were friends before; the set of people was totally new. I would eat by myself somewhere quiet like always. I stood from my seat, and as I did so, I heard the door open.

Will walked into my classroom, looking distinctly uncertain. 

“Uh, hey, Nico. I didn't see you in the lunchroom, so I thought I’d… would you want this?”

He held up a brown paper bag.

“I don't know if you remember but my dad used to make lunch for both of us, and he said he wanted to make something for you. I know you might not accept it because of me, but my dad wasn't involved in any of our... and I was gonna offer it in the cafeteria but you weren't there, so… here.” Will handed me the bag. “Eat it if you want.”

He started to walk away, but I stopped him. 

“Will.” Will turned around, not quite looking in my eyes. I smiled. “Tell him thanks. And thank you, too.”

Will nodded, and turned back around. I realized that would be it if I didn't say anything.

“So, Will, um… how’s football going?”

“Nico, I appreciate you trying, but I know you don't care about football. We can talk about something else. I mean, if you want to talk to me, I’d understand why you might…”

I felt affronted. “I care about football! I know about your big play Friday before last. You were really great out there.”

Will turned around.

“You… heard about my big play?” Will looked like he hardly dared to believe it.

“Uh, well… it's my school too, you know. Obviously…” I had watched it, not heard about it, and keeping that part hushed officially used up my capacity for speech. Luckily, once I had made it clear I wanted him there, Will’s natural bubbliness kicked right in.

“Of course it is! I just didn't know you cared. And yeah, in the moment I was afraid I couldn't pull it off but Frank said he'd cover me, so I just went for it and I guess you know what happened. I've been drinking all these protein shakes before bed so I don't lose muscle while I sleep-”

My eyebrows rose in disbelief. “You're still drinking those protein shakes? Those aren't food.” I settled into the old argument as easily as a well-worn-in pair of shoes. It felt refreshing to bring it up again, like hearing an old song I still knew all the words to.

Will looked exasperated. “They help me gain muscle mass, which I need to stay on varsity and keep my edge.” 

“You always talk about your edge . You're like the least edgy person I know. Frank’s got some muscle, what does he do?”

“Protein shakes.”

“...You're kidding me.”

“Yeah, I was. He actually just eats a ton of chicken breasts.”

“You’re still on your war against chicken, aren't you?”

Will’s voice got more animated as his fervence increased. “They're smelly soulless birds, I don't want to eat their breasts!” 

“Better than a protein shake. At least chicken is actual food, not powdered chemicals.”

“Protein shakes are food! And how bad can they be if they contributed to… this bicep ?” Will flexed. He was being an idiot and he knew it, but I had to admit, it WAS a nice bicep.

“Alright, your biceps are fine-”

“Oh, they’re ‘ fine ,’” Will pouted.

“-But you should eat something else to keep them up. And what's your problem with chickens, anyway? They're nice enough.”

“They have no souls, and they chase you around.” Will was practically glowing in the doorway, tanned and blonde and bicep still petulantly popped out as if awaiting proper adulation. I couldn’t align this image with what he was telling me.

“You got chased around… by a chicken?” I couldn't quite control my voice.

Will looked down, like he was admitting a great secret. “Yes. Two, actually.”

“How long ago?”

Will looked uncomfortable. “You know I never liked them before, but then about a month ago at my grandpa’s farm…” 

“What chickens were they, Will?”

Will put his face in his hands. 

“.............Pumpkin and Petunia.” 

I laughed so hard I couldn't speak. Will looked pleased with himself, a smile leisurely stretching across his face. As I caught my breath, he glanced at the clock and his eyes widened.

“Oh, I have to go. Class starts in five minutes.”

“Crap,” I said, my eyes as wide as his. My history class was on the other side of the school.

As Will was gathering his things, he said, “So I’ll see you at my game Friday, right?”

Silence.

I didn't want to seem overeager at what was practically a personalized invitation. He didn't ask if I'd go, he asked if he'd see me. He wanted to know I'd be there. I played it cool. “Uh, maybe, yeah. Maybe.” When I said “Yeah”, Will beamed. 

“Great.” He couldn’t seem to keep the smile off his face as he said goodbye and trotted off.

I panted all the way to class, holding a side stitch with one hand and my brown bag lunch in the other, but I was beaming too.

‘

Will and I didn't interact again at school that week, busy in our usual routines, but he smiled at me the one time we passed in the hallway, causing the crowd around him to give me a few confused passing glances. After school on Friday, I returned home and bided my time as always on game days until I needed to leave. Mom worked these hours, so I just hung out alone at home. My first act was usually to glance in the fridge to see if there was anything worth eating (there rarely was, mostly we had bread and alcohol we never drank). 

I did my usual food sweep by habit even though I wasn’t very hungry since I had eaten the lunch from Will’s dad, a ham sandwich and chocolate chip cookie that I surreptitiously nibbled on during history class. This time there was one nice-looking apple in the fruit bowl and a few unripe bananas, so I took the apple and headed over to my room.

I doodled until the sun cast golden shafts across my bed, lighting the apple a vibrant red. It occurred to me as I looked at it that I didn’t need to wait until dark so I could slink over to the football field unseen, which was my typical routine. Will knew I was going to be there. He’d asked me specifically if I was coming, and he wanted me there. So instead of waiting for the last minute and sneaking, I grabbed the apple and crunched it as I walked to the football pitch while the sun set. The whole town looked different when it was light out, full of gleaming windows, sky and buildings bathed in orange and pink.

‘

When I got to the game, twilight was coming on. The stands were pretty full, but I headed that way. For the first time, I wanted Will to know I was there.

Will’s dad was prominent in the crowd, standing at the railing, holding up a foam finger that said “Oakland Raiders”. I walked over to him, and when he saw me he smiled that megawatt grin. “Nico!” He shouted over the crowd. “Glad you made it, son! Will was so excited you'd be here!”

I tried to show that I was attentive, but my eyes kept going to the giant fake hand. Will’s dad noticed me looking. His expression turned slightly sheepish.

“Yeah, it was the only foam finger I could find. Will gets the sentiment, anyway. I'll just turn the back toward him, see?” He twisted his wrist around and smiled at me. 

I grinned, “Totally.” And then in a rush remembered my manners. “And thank you so much for lunch! It was great. Really great.”

Mr. Solace smiled and put an arm around my shoulders in a hug, a gesture so fatherly I felt my chest grow tight. “It was my pleasure. Nice to have people to make food for. Will’s so picky, you know. ‘ Protein, protein.’ I can see where it’s gotten him, though, so I guess it’s working. Anyway, could your mom not make it tonight?”

It was funny; I’d never once thought of her coming until he asked me that. “No, sorry. She’s been working late on Fridays.” 

“That doesn’t surprise me. She’s a good woman. Stays very calm. I always liked your mother.”

I stood there at the railing and chatted with Will’s dad for almost the entire first half of the game- it had been so long, and he was a talker so all I really had to do was nod and smile attentively when he looked at me.

I kept half an eye out for Will on the field, and I knew his dad was doing the same, but I couldn’t see him.

“He’s number 17,” Will’s dad shouted to me.

I scanned the hulking backs of the players and found number 17. Will was currently doing some weird move where he’d shy to the right and then do some rolling thing with his shoulders, and then repeat it. With a rush, I realized he was doing his touchdown dance.

There was a swell of noise from the stands behind us and I realized Will himself must have made a touchdown. Will’s dad gave a proud whoop, waving the wrong side of his Oakland Raiders foam finger towards the field in his excitement.

As halftime rolled in and the band started playing, Will’s dad said, “I’m going to go find a seat. Would you like to come along?”

I felt a little fatigued from the noise and public exposure, and I couldn’t see two seats together so I politely declined, stating I had somewhere to be but I’d definitely come back to say goodbye.

“And you’ll make sure to say hi to Will, right? He’ll want to talk to you about the game, he always does. It really bugged him when you two stopped talking. Bugged me too. You’re a good kid, Nico.” 

I was still savoring the “good kid” part when I thanked him and said, sure , I’d talk to Will. Every time I exchanged more than a single sentence with Mr. Solace, he seemed to want to ask what had happened between Will and me but it was never the time. I was glad of it, because I barely knew the answer myself. Something about trust. Seemingly not about being gay itself, which was good, unless he was just covering up that part. He had seemed particularly hung up on the Percy thing, which I still didn’t understand; maybe he felt protective because he and Percy had become friends, too.

After saying a temporary goodbye to Mr Solace, who still had the foam finger on (his hand must be really sweaty- I decided to try not to think about it), I made my way back to the dark perimeter of the fence. I felt like I could breathe again as it got dimmer around me, and noticed I was buzzing oddly after all the noise and unaccustomed social interaction.

I had completely taken my eyes off the game, and was watching a worm closely, marveling at how intricate tiny things were, when the sound of a throat clearing shot me to my feet. I tried to calm my racing heartbeat when I saw it was only Will again, but for some reason it wouldn’t calm.

He was glistening like he’d been oiled, helmet in hand with his blond hair a windswept, flattened mess on his head. 

“Hey, Nico.” 

His voice was gruffer than usual, and I thought he’d probably yelled himself hoarse after the game. I had paid enough attention to know that our team had won, but facing the bright colors and screaming post-game crowd had seemed impossible so I waited, figuring I could go up and see Mr. Solace and Will once the people had thinned out a bit. 

But here Will was, right in front of me. He somehow retained his customary calm even after a victory, when everyone else was beside themselves. Somehow he fit here in the darkness. Logically such a sunny friendly personality shouldn’t, should be trying to fill all the quiet with sour-note chatter, but that’s not who he was. I was actually the one who spoke first, though I was barely able to feel my voice in my chest with my heart hammering as it was. I chalked it up to standing up too fast.

“Hi, Will. Good game.”

Will’s eyes sparkled.

“Did you really think so? I thought it would be a good idea to hang back- it meant more running for me, but the timing turned out perfect. It was nice to see you in the stands, Nico. You might be my good luck charm.”

I rolled my eyes with a little upturn of my mouth. “Please. If I was a good luck charm, we wouldn’t have flubbed that play last November and lost that big game to Springfield.”

I got distracted watching the worm get away, but after a moment of dead air, I looked up at Will, who looked dumbstruck.

“Nico, you’ve been coming to my games that long?”

Whoops.

“I mean, sometimes, throughout the season… when I can make it, you know.”

Will didn’t need to know how often I could make it. He still seemed surprised.

“Why didn’t you ever come say hi?”

Ha. As if I would have been welcome there, with his whole team. I glanced at Will to see if he’d been joking, but his face seemed earnest. 

I said lightly, “I don’t know, you had all your friends… I didn’t think you’d want to be seen with me.”

Will looked offended. “Of course I would. If I’d known you even made it to one of the games…”

I had trouble keeping my tone light. He’d implied the exact opposite during our fight years ago; there was no of course . “What would it have changed?”

“I thought you didn’t want to be friends again and I didn’t want to force it on you. I thought you liked being alone better, especially after I said all those things. I had no idea you still wanted to support the football stuff.”

“I do like being alone, I guess, but I mostly stayed away because I didn’t get popular like you.” 

Will’s helmet swung in his hand as he answered. “We did get on different paths, yeah, but I still would’ve wanted you here. Status didn’t matter to me more than being your friend and I hated that I made you feel like it did, but I could never find you to apologize.” 

His eyes were bright and earnest, and I got the feeling he’d been meaning to tell me this for a while. “I knew it was my fault that we weren’t friends anymore, and if I’d known you were here I would have tried to make it right sooner. I know you didn’t want me to know, and maybe you didn’t want me to try to apologize either, but it still means a lot that you came. I know football stands aren’t the kind of place that you like.”

I looked down. “I was super happy for you that you made varsity, but I didn’t want you to know about that because I didn’t think it would matter to you anymore. Everyone was happy for you, you know?”

Will leaned forward fervently, catching my eyes again. “That’s what I mean. It didn’t matter as much from everyone as it would’ve mattered from you. All these people call themselves my friends now and I barely know them. They just think I’m cool because I act like everything’s easy, and knowing me makes them more popular or whatever. I don’t care about that stuff and I never have. I just love football, you know? And they don’t get that. But I know you get it. You should’ve been there all along, through JV and everything, talking to my dad like tonight and… I feel like I ran you off. Like I’m the reason none of that happened.”

I felt a little off balance, like the conversation was surreal. “I just thought you made it obvious you didn’t want to be associated with me after you found out I was gay. I thought you kind of gave up on me as your project after that, too much of a reject, you know.” Will looked sad, so I hastened to end it in a light way. “And that part was fine. I liked your friends but I was fine without them, too. I didn’t need you to make my friends for me.”

Will sighed. “I was afraid of that. I never minded you being gay, Nico. It took a little getting used to, but I realized within a few days that if I’m not secure enough to have a gay friend, then that’s my problem and you should never feel like it’s yours. And I was. Secure. I am.” He gave me a little smile, and I felt somehow steadied. “And as for the friends thing, I know you didn’t really need that from me.” It was suddenly hard to concentrate on his words; with the new serious tone, the huskiness of his voice felt like it was wrapping me in a blanket. I subconsciously leaned a little closer.

He continued, “It was just… hard not to try to help you. I just liked you, and I could see ways I could make some things easier for you, and… I just made a mess of it. I really tried with you and then I got all emotional and ruined it for something that wasn’t your fault. I think I was angry about something else and misread where the anger was coming from and took it out on you. I was 13, you know? Didn’t know how to handle my emotions yet. It’s still one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done.”

I didn't know how to respond, but luckily I didn't have to.

A jersey-clad figure trotted around the fence. The figure was a few inches taller than Will. We broke eye contact and both straightened up where we were standing.

A male voice said, “You okay, Will? You disappeared after the game.” The figure then noticed I was there. “Nico?” He took off his helmet. It was Percy. His voice was so much lower than the last time he’d said my name.

“Uh, hi again, Percy.” I smiled weakly. I was trying to bring my brain back to the present, instead of the shadowy emotions I’d run through so many times they’d become just a dull throb tangled up in my thoughts about Will.

I came back quickly and was waiting for the awkward reunion of two old acquaintances that had only recently interacted by one almost braining the other with a pancake, but it never happened. 

“Hey, good to see you! And you're still talking with Will again? I'm so happy for you two. Thanks for coming to watch.”  Percy grinned. He seemed genuinely glad to see me.

I tried to match his enthusiasm. “Yeah, I’m really happy about it too! It’s nice to see Mr. Solace again, we talked through most of the first half. He had a lot to catch me up on.” Will twitched, but Percy laughed.

“Yeah, man, I loved that foam finger! Will’s dad is the best. Did you get that lunch he sent with Will for you?”

“Yeah! I didn’t know you knew about it.” I looked at Will, who was watching the worm with a carefully faraway expression.

“He’s made me lunch once or twice for away games. What kind of cookie did he give you?”

“Uh, chocolate chip?”

“Dude, you’re A-level! You’re in! He gives oatmeal raisin to Will’s party friends he doesn’t approve of.” Will twitched again.

Percy and I talked a little longer, and the conversation continued to go so smoothly I forgot to overthink it. Percy talked about Annabeth more so than anything else, so in order to have a topic I found myself talking more about my art than I ever had to anyone. I got into what media I was using, my usual subjects and inspiration, and even briefly told him about the honorable mention I had earned, which I hadn’t told anyone about yet, including my own mother. When I mentioned the award I caught Will looking at me like he didn't know what to make of me, which was a first and probably an improvement.

When Will raised his head, Percy glanced behind him at the ebbing crowd and then asked, “Are you both coming to the after party? Grover agreed to come to this one. He's a pretty nice guy but he can be a party animal . I've seen it in action.” Percy looked wistful. “Those statues never saw us coming.”

“Another after party?” I don't think I quite hid my lack of real interest, though I stayed polite.

Percy grinned at me and I could tell he didn't mind. “Afraid so. You coming, Will?”

“Of course,” he answered readily. My chest deflated a little; so Will wouldn’t want to hang out tonight.

Percy said, “Well, hopefully see you around, Nico. Are you coming to next week’s game?” He sounded genuinely interested. 

If I said yes, then 2 people would expect me to be in the stands, and Percy might not get my need to be alone sometimes. He'd expect to see me in the stands the whole game. “Not sure.”

Will gave a half smile. “Well, I hope you can make it. It was great to know you were here, Nico. I know dad enjoyed talking to you. Did you see my touchdown?” 

He looked eager. Since he'd come over to talk to me Will had been acting cool and serious, but there was the little-boy enthusiasm his dad had mentioned.

I couldn’t help smiling. “I sure saw the touchdown dance .” 

Percy piped up, “Yeah, man, that play was great! How did you fake out that big guy?”

Will fervently began a long answer full of insider football lingo, and I figured it was time to make my exit.

“Well, I should start heading back. I wanna be there when my mom gets home,” I said. 

Percy grinned at me. “She'll flay you alive if you're out too late, huh? I know the type.” He seemed fond. I had never met Percy’s mom, but I knew the two of them lived alone. Maybe he and I had more in common than I thought.

I responded, “I mean, it’s...” But then I stopped myself. He didn't need to know my mom wasn’t the type to track my comings and goings, and wouldn’t be home before I went to sleep. I couldn’t picture her caring if I stayed out too late, and I was usually nothing but glad for my freedom. When I saw the affectionate look still on Percy’s face, though, I felt a little ache in my stomach.

I didn't want to go into my life story, so I just shrugged and nodded, trying to mimic the in-the-know look so we would have the good moment Percy thought we were sharing. Percy then said, “Well, it was great talking to you again, Nico. I hope I'll see you around? Maybe next week?” And he raised an eyebrow with a half smirk. That exact look used to cause all kinds of confused reactions in me, and it was a relief to realize there was just a light, friendly feeling now instead.

I nodded, silent but with a little grin at the corner of my mouth. Percy threw an arm around Will’s shoulders and Will threw it off, glanced at me like he was checking if I was watching, and then, with a wave, raced Percy around the fence back to the stands.

I walked home alone, which was comforting- solitude, darkness, back to normal. I was proud and a little exhausted from going out and being social. My chest felt light with relief from the conversation with Will, and halfway home, happiness began buzzing in my veins. Maybe we could really be friends again.

Notes:

Yeah Nico you just go ahead and think that. Also, “As if Will’s dad could ever be less than warm,” get it?

Chapter 3: Three

Saturday morning, I woke up and felt energy flowing through me. Today felt like a going-to-the-park kind of day. Saturdays were the most common day for me to get some exercise, and then I could rest on Sunday and get things in order for the school week ahead. I brushed my teeth, grabbed a water bottle, loaded a plastic spoon with peanut butter, put on some hand-me-down basketball shorts (baggy but breathable), and headed outside to get some exercise. 

I ate the spoonful of peanut butter as I went, breathing through my nose to combat the thick, sticky substance blocking my other airways. I poured some water into my mouth to wash it down, and trotted the rest of the way to the park, arriving feeling exhilarated, though that may just have been from the peanut butter making my mind think I was having a near-death experience.

When I first started going to the park I didn't want anyone to see me get all sweaty, so I just tried to go when it was pretty empty- thunderstorms (bad idea), night (would’ve been fine for me if I hadn’t been on a Creepypasta kick and tried to summon a ghost with a happy meal and freaked myself out), and even the occasional just-before-sunrise run. 

I threw away my plastic spoon at the trash can by the park entrance and then jogged around the big loop of concrete, running until I couldn’t breathe and lapsing back into walking, then jogging until I got my heart going again. 

My mind wouldn’t stop running, either. I was used to having to really search for thoughts and ideas, but now there were so many stuffed in my brain that it took 5 whole loops to sort through them all.

Things didn’t feel exactly the same between Will and me as they used to. He wasn't the see-what-happens kid he used to be, but his lazy summer aura seemed to have stuck with him through everything. As my aura was probably “tightly-wound void”, it was no wonder I liked being around Will so much. He had always made me feel warm and safe, and I guessed I shouldn’t be surprised it hadn’t changed.

On my sixth lap around the path, I took a left down a gravel trail to mix things up. As I rounded the corner, I saw a surprising sight. As much as I'd been thinking about him, I didn't expect Will would actually be here. I’d never seen him at this park before, but there he was, sitting on a ragged old blanket that looked awfully similar to the one we used to make forts with at his house, and he wasn't alone.

Annabeth, Leo and Reyna were sitting there with him. Leo was laughing uproariously at something, which Reyna looked faintly annoyed by, and Annabeth and Will were chatting companionably. I had never really thought about inviting anyone to come to the park with me before; I sort of forgot that could be an option, was maybe a way I could’ve made friends. I debated turning around before they saw me, but since I had just realized I could’ve been social here all along, it felt backwards to dodge the opportunity literally in my path.

When I was about 20 feet away, still on the trail, Leo stopped laughing and stared at me, and I realized I'd been seen. I smiled and did a polite little acknowledging wave, and when Will looked over at Leo’s silence and noticed I was there he stood up and walked over to me, meeting me halfway.

“Nico!” He seemed really surprised to see me. He clapped my upper arm. “What are you doing here?”

“I come here Saturday mornings to run. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you here, though.”

“Oh, yeah. Well, Friday nights are afterparties, you know, so I’m usually, uh, kind of hungover the next morning.” He glanced away when he said that, like he wasn’t proud. That surprised me; usually jocks boasted about partying.

“Dad doesn’t like it.” 

Ah. 

“But it was way fewer people this time, just a couple of the guys on the team, so we just cooked like 14 bags of chicken nuggets and watched Star Wars. You would’ve liked this party better than the last one, I think, it was more of just a hangout. I kinda wished you were there to see it. It’s not always like it was.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, still unsure of his view on me hanging out with his friends. He seemed alright with me being there with this group, at least, since after a beat he said, “Anyway, do you wanna come sit with us? Or do you need to finish your workout? I didn’t know you liked running.”

It was an unfortunate time for a itchy drop of sweat to prickle merrily down my sideburn, and I subtly caught it with the back of my hand. It glinted like a beetle in the sun. “Yeah, I didn’t used to really do anything for exercise, but walking to the games at night really did a lot for me so I kept it up.”

“You walk to the games?”

“Yeah.”

His eyebrows knitted. “That seems unsafe, to be out on your own at night like that, going all the way across town. I knew you might not have a car, but if you didn’t have friends to drive you, I figured your mom…” He shook his head. “You know what, doesn’t matter. Wanna come sit?”

Leo was giving me an awkward look, but Annabeth and Reyna easily made room. I took a step that way and Will gestured for me to sit down near him.

Once we'd gotten ourselves comfortable, Will introduced the rest of the group in turn. 

“Well, this is Reyna. She’s the team co-captain. You probably saw her on Friday.” Reyna nodded to me once, eyes hawklike and serious. I maintained a straight face too, suddenly hesitant to show any weakness. 

Will continued, “And this is Leo,” I remembered him as the guy who made out with Calypso at the afterparty I’d gone to, although he was currently staring at me apprehensively like I made him uncomfortable, or he wasn’t sure what to make of me yet. I was pretty used to that expression. I shot him a tight little smile and his eyebrows climbed his forehead.

“And you know Annabeth.” Annabeth was the first one to greet me with actual words. “What's up, Nico? Good to see you out and about.”

“I come here every Saturday.” I didn’t mean to come off as miffed, but it turned out alright- Annabeth just said, “Do you really.” in a neutral sort of way.

Annabeth then turned to Reyna and engaged her in a conversation about quantum physics or whatever Annabeth talked about, and Will left to bring a protein bar wrapper over to the trash cans. That left Leo and me. 

Leo muttered, “... No sé cómo hablar contigo .”

I don’t know how to talk to you.

“You could start with hello,” I suggested dryly, and Leo startled.

“You know Spanish?” He asked, sounding a little sheepish.

“Italian, actually, but they’re close enough.”

“So, then, you totally know what it means if I say you're a-”

I raised an eyebrow at him and he gave me an impish smile, relaxing a bit back onto the blanket. I noticed his head was near the threadbare spot Bones had puked on in the fort when I was 10. Good. 

He then asked, “So… you're Italian? Aren't Italians supposed to be tan?”

I shot him a look. “Aren't people who know Spanish supposed to be charming?”

I wondered if that was a little too far, but then Leo let out a surprised laugh.

“Fair enough,” he chortled. Leo just looked at me then like he was reappraising me, but Will returned and engaged both of us in conversation, and the awkwardness was over like magic.

“So Leo, where were you last night?”

“Calypso and I snuck out to a DnD tournament, what else? I got flattened by a giant, though. It was pretty hot.”

I gave him a side-eye. “You sneak out… to play Dungeons and Dragons?”

Leo looked like he’d had this conversation many times before. “Hey, man, it can get pretty brutal. And Calypso gave me so much crap about it at first, but now she's totally into it.”

I shrugged, deciding to make peace. “I believe you. If Will snuck out it would probably just be to somewhere he could drink a ton of protein shakes without being judged.”

Leo leaned forward where he was sitting. “Right? What is it with this guy? And the constant sports med talk? I can't TELL you the number of times I've heard the word “stretching” in conversation with him. I swear in another life Will was a doctor. The way-too-calm, irritating kind.”

This was news to me, and I tried to look like it wasn't. Honestly this tidbit of information about high school Will Solace didn't surprise me much. He'd always been very careful about putting on band-aids, very clean and methodical about the way he'd take care of cuts, scrapes and splinters for both of us… but also if I did something that got me hurt, Will had probably goaded me into doing it in the first place. 

Leo was still going. “The kind of doctor that’s like, ‘Hey, lay off the Taco Bell, cuz it’s bad for you, and I can say that cuz I don’t eat that stuff I only eat the dust off kale,’ but like, a bean burrito is good for you in other ways and it’s normal to think they’re delicious and like especially when you’re in high school it’s- you know what, whatever. Point is Will’s weird about his protein shakes.” Leo sat back on the blanket and put his hands in his lap.

Will looked wounded. “Come on, I am not! And I sneak out and do cool stuff! I went to a bar last Saturday night, and almost got this one girl’s number- not that I asked for it.” I couldn't tell if he looked embarrassed or pleased.

I looked away, my face feeling hot. Luckily, Leo had my conversational back.

“Whoa, whoa, I’m sorry, you… almost got her number? That’s it? That’s the wild thing you did last week? And you said you didn’t ask, so a girl just almost gave her number to you? Almost ?”

Will defended himself, but I had nothing to say on this topic so I kept quiet. It occurred to me that this was one of the first group conversations I'd actively been a part of.

The chatter broke off when Leo asked me, “So what about you, Nico? Have you “almost” gotten anyone’s number lately?”

Will turned to me, looking politely interested. Annabeth and Reyna turned too. 

My face felt warm again. 

“Uh, I… no, not … there was this one, um, but she…” for the first time in that group, my words failed me. I felt like anything I said would be wrong- I’d be lying to myself, or lying to them. Will saved me.

“Oh, come on, Leo. You’re just trying to focus all the attention on Nico so we won’t ask about you and Calypso. Happy you’re together now, by the way. But what was it you told her that night at my house again?”

“Shhhhhh!” Leo put his palm over Will’s mouth. “That was one time the whole party! And I was drunk! And she-”

“She seemed interested to know about your-”

“Kids do gross stuff, okay? And she asked me!”

Leo seemed completely diverted, and I wanted to hug Will for distracting him.

Oh. What? Not that I-

Annabeth tapped my shoulder.

“So. Nico.”

I turned to her, and my eyes widened. She was inches from my face, staring at me closely. I gave her my best “honestly confused” face, and she backed off. She then questioned,

“Why are you and Will friends again? What brought this on?” 

I knew Annabeth never did anything without a reason, so I was instantly guarded.

I answered, “I don’t really know, actually. He just came over to me, and…”

“So this was completely driven by Will? Interesting.” She nodded.

Um.

“I mean, I could've said no.”

“But you didn't though. Not at all.” She looked like she was going to lean into my face again and so to head that off I said, 

“I guess he decided he was okay with me.”

Annabeth’s eyes laser focused on mine.

“Why do you think he wasn’t okay with you before?”

I wished she was a lamp I could turn out of my face. “I don’t know. Look, you should ask Will these questions.” Annabeth didn't seem quite satisfied, but she ended that weird leg of the conversation by promising, “I’m going to.” And lapsing into silence. 

I turned a little to see Reyna already looking at us both. She spoke abruptly.

“He seems happy when you’re around, and you don’t strike me as the vicious type. He's a good football player. Don't get in his way.”

“Uh… alright.” 

Reyna was a year ahead of most of us, a senior. This would be her last year as a captain on this football team- no wonder she wanted them to do well. Maybe the tone was a little harsh, but Reyna’s eyes seemed to be hiding concern, and I knew how much she cared for her team, and everyone on it. 

She had every right to protect their chances, but it seemed like she might be saying this a little for Will’s sake, too. I wondered if Will missed me when we stopped talking. At the time I hadn't thought so.

After a moment of quiet, Leo stretched with his arms over his head, and fell back to rest against Reyna, who made a face like a cat being pet the wrong way. Leo sighed, “Well, it’s been real. I gotta get back home and finish my schematics. Yeah, that’s right. I have schematics.” He lifted up a fist, which Annabeth bumped.

As Leo stood up, Annabeth and Reyna did as well. Will stayed on the blanket, though, and I did too. He was laying on his back, but I was sitting up, stiff and proper, not sure what would happen after everyone left.

The other 3 said goodbye and started walking toward the parking lot, and I got the urge to pull the bottoms of my shorts to perfect order, like a book heroine settling her dress around her for something to do.

Will lay across the blanket sideways and poked me on the shoulder. “Hey, Nico. Do you wanna come over tonight, and sleep over if you want? We didn’t get through all the Star Wars movies last night and I can’t face that awkward scene where Anakin talks about sand if I’m by myself.”

I was a little shocked that Will would invite me to a sleepover, just the two of us. First hanging out with his friends, now sleepovers alone. He must really not care about people thinking he was gay. Or he was just trying to prove something. But who did it need proving to? I was starting to think too much like Annabeth.

“Or you can just thrash me at Street Fighter.”

I lifted a fist to my chin and squinted. “Hmm… Have you asked your dad?”

“Nope!” Will popped the ‘p.’ “I have buddies over all the time, he’s used to it. And we have pineapple.”

Buddies . That was a word his dad used a lot, but I’d never heard Will refer to me that way. What were we, children? Military men? Ex-cons? That said, I loved pineapple.

Will continued, “I might even make breakfast.”

I made a face. Will said quickly, “Not protein shakes this time, promise. Every night you sleep over, I won't have a protein shake in the morning.”

“.... well, it sounds like it WOULD be in your best interest, then.”

“That's what I'm saying. And it'll be good for you too. Playing video games against me will grow your ego.”

‘

For as much of a jock as Will was, he really did suck at Street Fighter.

“Button mashing won't win you the game, Will.”

“It's the only plan I have!”

I'd given in after all, because of course I had. A sleepover with Will was just too tempting, like rereading my old favorite book. 

The Solaces still had the big old-fashioned sofa that we used to make forts behind and I most recently saw full of drunken football players, which Will and I now sat on the floor and leaned our backs against as I destroyed him at every video game he owned. 

There were a few slices of cold pizza on the coffee table that had a bite or two taken out of them, and then had been carelessly put back on the cardboard tray they came on. One or the other of us would pull the plug and eat them before the night was through. 

We'd put pineapple on the pizzas before we baked them; I had half a mental plan to talk Mr. Solace into tasting a bite at some point, just so I could watch his face scrunch up like it used to.

Mr. Solace had come through once or twice but otherwise stayed in his study. He had officially gone to bed a few hours ago, and Bones had yawned in her sleeping spot on top of the couch and dutifully trotted up the stairs behind him, so it was just me and Will in the living room. It was now quite late, and we were both sort of just staring at the character selection screen, listening to the theme music loop and play over and over.

After a brief time, Will said, “Can I ask you something?”

I responded, “Sure.”

Will turned to me, pressing the volume down button on the TV until I could’ve been imagining the theme music. His expression was intently curious.

“How are things at home? How's your mom doing?”

I was a little blindsided, and my voice showed my surprise.

“Um, good, I think. She's doing alright. I think she's feeling better lately.”

“What changed?”

“Nothing really, she's just had more time. And she's made some friends at work, and that makes the job less stressful for her.”

“I'm glad.”

Will turned back toward the screen, but waited, not making it louder again or making moves to play more.

I felt like he must have more to say, but the silence stretched on. A pull in my chest made me speak. “We always get by alright.” Will didn’t move. “She is a good mom, you know, where it counts. I think she's a good person.”

The quiet after I talked hung heavy this time, stranger and stranger every second Will didn’t break it.

“She just has to work so much, you know, and I’m not home a lot. But I know I can ask her if I need anything. I just… don’t, really.”

Will sort of nodded, still looking away. I glanced back to watch the screen, the repetitive music still bouncing around in my head.

Will finally spoke. “Yeah, I mean, it’s not like I’ve ever been in her position to know what it’s like, and of course she would raise you different than my dad raised me because you and I were different kids. But I’m not sure which part is why. You know what I mean?”

“I think, yeah. And I think I would have been like that anyway. I needed to see for myself what mattered. And that’s not something that can be raised in you. No matter what my family was like, I still would’ve needed to find my way on my own. I’m just like that.”

“I guess.” Will picked up one of the cold pieces of pizza like he was gonna take a bite, and then set it down again. “You know, you’ve changed in a lot of ways, Nico. Not in every way, but like, in some good ways. Like with my games, I totally understand why you’d want to watch from the field. It’s a lot less overwhelming out there.”

I was just trying to keep you from seeing me, actually. “Yeah, I’m glad you can understand that.”

“But what surprised me was that you came to the party when I asked. And you’re more sure of yourself now, and more social and friendly. I used to feel like I needed to step in for you because you wouldn’t do it yourself, and now I think you’ve learned all that stuff I was afraid you didn’t know. You’re someone I would want to be friends with even if we had never met before.” I didn’t really have anything to say to that, so I took one of the hard, cold pieces of pizza and, with effort, ripped a bite off.

Will took a second piece from the box and hit mine with it, like a swordfight or a cheers, and then we put both back. Suddenly, Will sat up fully and stretched. “We should go to bed.” 

I nodded and went to pick up the pizza tray, but Will stopped me with an outstretched arm.

“No, no,” he said sagely. “I'll clean this up. You're the guest.”

“It's not a big deal, I can carry it to the kitchen.”

“No need,” Will smiled.

Then, I watched as Will tipped his head back and poured the final 3 half-eaten pieces of pizza directly into his mouth.

I heard them sliding off the tray with a rasp, and then Will chewing noisily. I don't know what my expression looked like, but Will grinned at me with chipmunk cheeks obscenely full of pizza. 

“Go on up to bed,” he managed to get out, just barely keeping all the pizza entirely in his mouth.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so I did as he said. As I walked to the door of the old-office-now-Will’s-bedroom, it occurred to me that I had no idea where I would be sleeping.

I opened the door, walked in and checked the wall by the window, and the marker stain was still on the wall where Will and I had left it in 2nd grade (and never told Mr. Solace about), so I definitely had the right room.

I walked around the room slowly, savoring the memories so much that I didn't realize Will had come in until we locked eyes and mine flitted away.

He seemed amused. “I guess you found the marker stain. I blamed it on my little cousin when my dad found it when he moved his desk out.”

I asked him, “Where are we gonna sleep?” It didn't occur to me until it had already left my mouth that of course, this question that rolled off my tongue so easily from sleepovers when we were kids wasn't normal for high schoolers. Of course, we would sleep in different spots like adults, not together in forts with Will’s old Spock blanket that made it so hot in there that we both ended up shimmying upward until only our knees and down were still in the fort.

“I mean, like, where will you and I sleep. I mean, me. Will sleep.”

I glanced up, embarrassed, but Will hardly seemed to have noticed my slip up. Will didn't care about most things like that, while I had always cared way too much. Will’s view had always helped me take a deep breath and stop worrying about it, and I was learning it still worked.

Will smiled and said, “You can have the bed if you want, and I'll grab a sleeping bag. Sound good?”

I almost said that the last thing student athletes need is more back pain, I didn’t mind if he wanted to just sleep on the bed, like, he could sleep up there even in his sleeping bag if he wanted to, but I wasn't sure if the “no homo” idea was taking laps through his jock brain so I just nodded to his plan.

It turned out Will really just wanted to play the gentleman, so I ended up taking the bed after all. I couldn't decide if it was weird that the smell of the sheets made me feel calm, but either way I was asleep in record time.

I must have dreamed as I slept, but all I registered all night was how warm I was, and how soft everything felt around me.

When I woke up, none too early, the sunlight hurt my eyes in scorching stripes through Will’s blinds. I noticed Will’s sleeping bag was rumpled and empty, and I smelled bacon frying. I stretched luxuriously back into the bed’s warmth and thought, I could get used to having this again.

Chapter 4: Four

When I walked into the kitchen, my hair was a mess and I sank gratefully into a chair at the table. Will was in an old apron, turning bacon like a video game dad. “Morning, Nico.” He smiled, and I felt something relax in my chest. 

Will continued, turning back to the stove, “I think it’s really funny you came down right now, because my dad always said the smell of food is the only way to reanimate sleeping teenagers.”

“I support this philosophy,” I yawned, and Will turned back to the stove while I greeted Bones, who was blissfully spiling over the sides of the chair in the sunbeam coming through the kitchen window.

When Will brought the large platter of steaming food to the table and sat down, I resisted making grabby hands at the thing. He flopped an omelette and some bacon and toast onto a plate and handed it to me before serving himself a simple fried egg.

“Figured you'd be hungry,” Will said good naturedly. 

I felt a warm glow inside, and started basking in it like Bones in her sunbeam.

However, I saw Will’s eyes flick longingly over to the cabinet where they kept the protein drink mix, and all my warm feelings evaporated.

‘

The morning was a blur of breakfast and Doritos and Star Wars and more video games, and around noon I was feeling pretty gone-to-seed and pretty happy about it until Will hopped up from the couch and suggested, “Let's go to the track. All these snacks and no workout- I'm gonna lose muscle mass.”

“Oh, no ,” I gasped.

Will gave me an eyebrow.

“It's serious, Nico. How will we get by without… this bicep?” He flexed. 

I noted, “You flexed the other one last time.”

“I had to even it out- they're equally important.”

“Sure.”

“Actually, it really is important to work both arms evenly, so you’re symmetrical and so your-”

“Alright, alright. We’ll go to the track. I’m guessing you aren’t busy today?”

“Nah, no plans. What about you?”

I gave a little self deprecating laugh. “Well, you know me,” I joked.

Will gave me a look that was almost sad, but shook his head and said bracingly, “Well, grab your shoes and we’ll head out. And before you ask, Dad won’t mind if we just leave- he's always going on about how teenagers should LIVE and stuff like that.”

We both slipped on our tennis shoes and closed the door quietly behind us. The sun was shining, there was a crisp breeze (the heat wave had blessedly passed during the week), and I saw Will’s chest expand as he took a deep lungful of small town October air.

“That's the stuff,” Will huffed out. He explained, “I'm not usually outside at this time of day,” 

“Oh?” I asked, interested. “What does the famed Will Solace do at 11:00 am on Sundays?”

He side-eyed me playfully. “The FAMED Will Solace doesn't exist. And the REAL Will Solace is normally up pretty early on weekends, so I will have been out for a couple hours and then come home to have lunch.”

“I forgot how ridiculously early you wake up. Then you just take a million naps.”

“That's the best way to do it.” Will turned to me, eyes bright, and rapidly talked on. “The human animal wasn't really meant to stay awake for more than a few hours at a time, and doing so puts a stress on…”

Since Will didn't expect any reply, I found his talking soothing and companionable just like his dad’s. I let him go on until he’d had his fill of talking and we walked in comfortable, observational silence the other third of the way to the track.

‘

When we arrived, the air smelled a little like astroturf as usual, but in a welcoming sort of way. There were a few other people circling the track, and something in me perked up at the prospect of exercise, flooding me with energy it knew I would need just like it did for my usual morning jogs. Will and I had just stepped onto the track itself and started walking when I heard a voice call from behind us,

“Hey, Will!”

It was Frank Zhang, and he trotted up beside us. He had clearly been at the track for a while: he was red-faced and puffing, but continued jogging dutifully- just very slowly- beside us as we walked.

Will smiled back. “Hey, Frank. You look… warm.”

“I've been racing Percy,” Frank gasped. “The guy’s like a machine. I don't think he's been out of breath this whole time.”

On my left, Percy appeared as if by magic. Frank had been right- Percy wasn't even winded.

“Hi everyone,” Percy beamed.

“I hate you,” Frank groaned out, and then increased his speed so he jogged ahead of us.

“Gotta give the guy credit,” Percy cheeked. “He's sticking with it. Look at him.”

Frank really was determined- he hadn't stopped jogging, and was now another quarter of the track ahead of us.

Percy continued, “Hey, do you guys want to race, too?”

We all watched the other side of the track as Frank gave a few more wobbly strides, and then walked slowly to the bleachers and flopped down, arms at his sides.

Percy said, “Well, Frank’s out. What do you say?”

I wasn't much of a racer, but Will seemed to be considering it.

After a few more steps Will asked me, “What do you think, Nico?”

“I’m not competitive like that,” I admitted. “You should race if you want to- I'll watch.”

“Nah, then,” Will said. “Sorry, Percy. Looks like Jason might be into it, though.”

I looked over at the rest of the bleachers and realized they weren't empty- Hazel and Piper were sitting and talking, and Hazel’s hand was on Piper’s knee. Leo was sprawled across three rows of bleachers scribbling in a notebook.

To the right, Jason Grace was doing warm-up exercises while Annabeth distractedly counted reps for him. Jason looked like racing Percy was life or death.

“Wanna go sit down, Nico? We’ll let the crazy kids have their fun.”

“Sure,” I smiled.

As we walked toward the bleachers, I let my eyes stray over to Jason quite a few times.

I didn't know very much about him at all yet- Percy and he had hit it off right away, but then, who couldn't like Percy?

I was learning at this moment that Jason was buff . I'd never been able to turn my body into anything more than lanky, scrawny limbs and pale greenish-gray skin. No wonder I used to scare people.

I looked over at Will, who was watching Jason as well.

“Those are some quads,” Will commented.

Will’s tan was standing out against the track as he shaded his eyes with his hand. Jason was tan too, I noticed, but differently. Jason’s skin seemed tanned from the sun, temporarily, like he was naturally more pale like I was- but Will just had that skin, golden-brown like he'd been coated in honey, or deep-fried in sunlight.

I realized I was still staring at Will as I thought weird thoughts about his skin, but luckily he hadn't noticed.

We ended up sitting near the edge of the bleachers, right between the two groups of people. Will sat closest to Leo, who surprised me with a scratchy, “Sup, Nico,” in a voice that suggested he (uncharacteristically) hadn't talked in a while. The notebook he'd been scribbling in seemed full of notes and plans, and looked almost like blueprints. It didn't look DnD related- these must be those fistbump-worthy schematics. I smiled back, and when Leo lifted the notebook to his face again I turned back to watch the track.

Percy was warming back up (or showing off, or maybe both), running around and around the track until I was dizzy from watching and had to turn away.

After I did, I couldn't help openly staring at Jason. I hoped it looked like I was staring at his quads or whatever like Will had been doing, an athletic interest only. I noticed Annabeth was definitely watching Percy, multitasking- I wondered if Percy was showing off for fun, or just for her.

Finally, it seemed like Jason was ready. He took a few steps toward the track, waiting- and then right as Percy passed by, Jason joined him, getting up to speed immediately. 

They jogged a few laps, going faster, Jason getting warmer- and eventually they were full out sprinting around the track.

They were exactly matched- Percy was one lane closer to the inside, but he had also been running for a longer time and was a shade more fatigued. Their chests were level with each other, and the only reason Percy’s footsteps landed in front of Jason’s was because he had longer legs.

Annabeth was definitely watching now- Percy grinned at her as he passed by, panting, and Annabeth gave him an unimpressed look- but she couldn't quite keep down the corners of her own mouth.

Percy did have longer legs, and was more built for running- but Jason was just more built, and his every move looked strong and powerful. While Percy had more of a graceful, loping stride, Jason’s was calculated and rhythmic, simply using his muscles to propel himself forward. Percy’s stamina was apparently off the charts, but Jason was fresh, and it showed- Percy started lagging behind. His stride started to weave, and eventually he bent over with his hands on his knees.

Jason jokingly threw up one arm in victory, and I clapped with the rest.  

He then jogged over to the bleachers where we were sitting and grabbed his bag. “See you guys. I have a few more things to do before school tomorrow,” he explained to us. Then, he trotted out of the gate.

Annabeth walked to where Percy was still standing bent over, and took some of his weight so he could meander back to the bleachers. 

Percy sort of collapsed onto the lowest bleacher, legs trembling. Annabeth handed him a water jug, saying as she did so,

“Don't drink too much at once, or you'll throw up.”

From behind me, Hazel piped up, “He’s gonna need some ice.”

Annabeth clearly didn't want to leave Percy’s side. “How stupid do you have to be…” she was muttering, peering into his face, which was a vivid scarlet with an interesting green tinge.

“Did I win?” Percy croaked dramatically.

“...Yes, honey.”

“Naw, I know I didn’t. But I’ll get him next time.”

Annabeth smiled and rolled her eyes. “You won my heart, how’s that.”

Percy beamed and tucked a lock of falling blond hair behind Annabeth’s ear. “That's all I wanted.”

I suddenly felt the desire to change the subject.

“I'll go for ice,” I offered. 

“Would you?” Annabeth looked over at me gratefully. 

“I can drive,” offered Leo, finally looking up from his notebook again. I responded,

“Only one of us has to go, and I don't really mind the walk.”

“Well, I want the credit but I don't feel like walking- or moving too much at all, looking at our pal Percy there-” Percy let out an obliging groan- “and if we walk, all the ice could melt before we get back. Besides, don't you want to ride in the Leo-mobile? Chicks dig it.”

Will tossed in, “Leo’s mom’s auto business is doing well, so Leo got an old car to fix up.”

“And he's done it!” Leo sang. “State of the art engine- more miles to the gallon than percentage missing from my grades, and a new paint job. Festus is a beauty.”

Will was too busy laughing at the grades comment, so I said, “Get you to many DnD tournaments, does she?”

Leo nodded. “Yes, actually.”

I grinned, and Leo stared at me for a second. “All right,” I said. “Let’s give it a shot.”

‘

My voice was hoarse from the low level scream I'd kept up since Leo tore out of the parking lot. 

“Leo, you drive this thing too fast,” I croaked.

“It's more fun this way!” Leo shouted over the roar of the wind from the open windows. “Anyway, Percy needs our help!”

“He needs us alive!” I protested, but Leo didn't hear me- he was busy happily whooping while the car jerked forward, speeding us along even faster than before.

The life threatening speed did have one upside- we arrived at the convenience store in record time.

We walked to the ice machines just as a tall, strong-looking blond guy was walking out with a shopping bag in hand- he turned his head towards us, and I saw it was Jason Grace. 

“Hey, Leo.” Jason greeted him, and I just sort of stood partially behind him. It never occurred to me that Jason wouldn't actually know my name. Those out-of-date stupidly-attractive hipster glasses fell a little down his face, and he moved his grocery bag to the other arm and pushed them back up again, both biceps conveniently popping out of his gray T-shirt at once.

Jason then asked, “Who’s your friend?”, all politeness, like he'd spent the last 3 years in a mansion instead of a high school.

I was waiting for Leo to say we weren't friends, exactly, but he surprised me by readily answering. “His name’s Nico. He's old friends with Will Solace.”

“Oh, Will!” Jason brightened. “Yeah, Will’s a great guy.” 

Part of me wished Leo hadn’t mentioned Will’s name.

Jason gestured to the bag in his hands. “Reyna’s throwing a party tomorrow night, and I said I’d bring dip, so.” He shrugged. Then, an idea seemed to strike him. “You know what, you guys would be welcome to come. We can all get to know you better.” He offered, looking at me. 

I said, “I'm not a huge party kind of guy.” 

Jason answered, “Well, actually, I think it'll just be Reyna, Frank, Grover Underwood, Percy and me, so really more of a get together. And I guess you and Leo would be there, if you said yes.”

I said, “Percy’s going?” It suddenly sounded a little more plausible.

Leo spoke up, “Sounds like fun. Can Calypso come too? And what's gonna be in the dip you're making?”

Jason answered, “Yeah, sure she can. And, uh, cilantro I think?”

Leo answered, “We’ll totally be there. See you then, Jason.”

Jason asked, “Nico’s coming too, right?”

Leo answered readily, “Yeah, of course he is!” My arm jerked with an impulse to whap Leo somewhere Jason couldn’t see me do it, but we were too exposed for me to get away with it.

Jason grinned and took a step back. “Great. Looking forward to it, you guys.” He turned around and waved to us over his shoulder as he put his groceries into a- motorcycle seat? That was unexpected.

I waved sheepishly to Jason, and then I took Leo’s hand and pulled him around to the other side of the building where Jason couldn't see us.

“What was that?” I demanded. “You answered for me. I don't want to go to a party on a Monday night!”

“Jason said it's not a party.”

“I don't trust him yet! He's too perfect.”

“Oh-ho, I see.” Leo did something with his face that was probably supposed to be an in-the-know eyebrow wiggle. I felt too tired to acknowledge it. 

“How am I supposed to get out of going now?”

Leo answered, “Easy, you're not.”

“Well, maybe I have something already planned Monday night!”

“You?” 

Well, he had a point.

He continued, “Look, everyone thinks you’re a freak and you’re not. Or, well, you are but it’s fine. People would wanna meet you if you stop spending all your time looking under rocks for roly polies or whatever. I'll cover for you at the party. You can leave whenever you want, or step out for some air or something. You'll probably need it,” he suddenly grinned, “since you'll be hyperventilating the minute you're in the same room with Jason.”

“Excuse me?”

“Don't bother. You just have a thing for football players, huh? I can’t judge. Did you know Calypso plays rugby?”

‘

The bag of ice we’d finally gotten was freezing cold in my lap, but Leo wouldn't allow it to melt and get any water on the floor of his car.

“And I have to drive, so I can't hold it,” Leo reasoned. “Besides, it'll affect you less because of your icy personality.”

“Ha, ha.” I deadpanned. 

“No, you’re right, that sardonic laugh makes you really seem like just- a beacon of warmth.”

I touched my legs with my hand- my skin felt like rubber. Because my legs were so cold I would have asked Leo if we could go any faster, but there was no earthly way to go faster than he already was. I had my hands on the top of the bag so the ice cubes wouldn't break the plastic at each turn and zing out across the dashboard.

Once we pulled into the parking lot at the school, I grabbed the bag of ice and hauled it to the track, tottering on my numb thighs, and Leo came over and held half the handle for the credit. Percy was in the exact same state as we had left him, except that he was laying on his back on the ground.

“Here,” Leo and I handed the ice to Annabeth and then I went to sit by Will, and Leo went back to his notebook.

Percy mumbled dejectedly, “Thanks guys,” to which Leo glanced up and responded,

“I got you, bro. I mean, we got you.”

Leo shrugged a shoulder at me and turned back to his notebook. I felt included.

Then, Annabeth pressed the ice to Percy’s side and he bellowed like a water buffalo.

‘ 

Monday night, I stepped up to Reyna’s front door, hitched my bag up that was digging into my shoulder after the long walk over, and awkwardly knocked a couple times, having that debate of whether to turn right back around and go home. The outside of the house looked dark and forbidding. I hadn’t been invited by the hostess herself, after all, and what if Jason hadn’t told her I was coming and she wasn’t expecting anyone else?

Reyna opened the door. “Hello, Nico,” she said, smiling bigger than usual in a way that clearly showed she knew I would be coming, and she stood aside so I could come in. I went toward the yellow-lit kitchen table where everyone was playing Monopoly. I instantly felt better when I saw Percy, and when Leo gestured for me to sit down with a “Sup?”, and I sat next to Calypso and a pile of cilantro dip that was so huge I could only assume they were sharing it.

It really was a small, friendly group, and I felt comfortable enough, given it was a warmish-cilantro-dip-in-orange-light kind of party, to turn to Grover sitting next to me and strike up a conversation. It turned out he liked Creepypastas too, so we talked about our favorites for a while; he liked the ones with Satanism because he really liked goats for some reason. He kept calling them “misunderstood,” to the point where Percy turned and said, 

“I’ve smelled a male goat, bro. It doesn’t take an empath to realize they sti-”

“So would you!” Grover interjected, looking offended.

Right at that moment, Jason leaned forward to move his Monopoly piece.

My eyes caught on his hands as he maneuvered the tiny metal cowboy. Jason was kind of a work of art- his hands and wrists weren't thin and flexible like Percy's or calloused and capable like Will’s. They looked strong, but also like an artist’s, their movements deliberate and expressive. I caught myself staring, wondering if his and Will’s physiques were so different because Jason played a different position in football, or if maybe he played an instrument. I had to make a conscious effort not to look at him too much.

The next couple hours passed in a blur for me.

I didn't want to admit it, but Leo had been right. I couldn't stop watching Jason’s face, how his eyes sparkled when he laughed behind those glasses, how they darkened their shade when he stopped, and how intently he listened to Reyna talk with a twitch of his lips every once in a while. 

It was interesting how he acted differently in conversation with different people; with Percy he was casual and friendly with a hint of mischief- I wouldn't be surprised if they started a prank war in the very near future- and with Frank he was jocular and kind. Whenever Reyna pulled his attention, he was respectful and attentive, but Reyna herself looked distant when she spoke to him, like she was far away. With Grover, Jason was sort of… soft. I liked it on him.

After the first game concluded, Leo and Calypso arguing with each other about each next move and still somehow flattening everyone else, I had to step out of Reyna’s house to get some fresh air for a second. 

I sighed and leaned against the rough brick wall, feeling my thoughts finally slow down. If I liked Jason like this, it complicated things. High school was a little better than middle school for people staying out of each other’s business, but still not great. At this point, though, I didn't really know what I could do to stop it.

I heard the front door open, and saw Jason take a step out from the tiny, square front porch. In the streetlights his hair and face looked the same shade of orange.

He asked, “Mind if I join you?”

My heart kicked up a notch but I tried to hide it. He noticed where I went. 

“No, not at all.” I instantly felt more awake, aware of every tiny detail. I was sure it was visible how hard my heart was beating, like I must be swaying with it.

“Cool.”

He came up and leaned on the wall where I was. We were close enough I could’ve reached him if I stretched my arm out, which I didn’t. If I twitched one finger in his direction I was sure I would combust instantly. The thought of Satanism goats flashed unwelcome through my mind.

Jason asked, “So why’d you come out here?”

“I just needed a minute.” I wanted to tell him I wasn’t used to coming to events like this, but the words stuck in my throat. If he didn’t already know my lack of social status, I didn’t want to be the one to clue him in.

Jason nodded. “Yeah, I could use one too, actually. Groups of friends can be a lot.”

“Especially for the new kid, I bet.”

“The new kid.” Jason smiled, and a tiny shadow showed a dent in his upper lip. “Yeah, true enough.” 

He turned toward me, his side on the bricks now. “I also wanted to know more about you. But I felt like it was weird to ask just about one person in a group like that. I didn’t want to put you on the spot. You seem like… you wouldn’t like that. Like you’re sort of sensitive.”

A warm, giddy rush rose in my chest. For the first time in years I felt happy to be perceived.

I answered, “I guess I’d say you’re right. But I’m not sensitive in, like, a sappy way or whatever. I’m just not really used to coming to parties and stuff like this.” Well, cat’s out of the bag, I guess . Something in me really wanted to be genuine with Jason.

Jason rubbed his jaw. “You know, I thought it seemed like everyone didn’t know you as well as each other. So I guess you could say you’re like the new kid too.”

I felt delighted for no reason. “Yeah. It’s sorta like that.”

“Are you from around here?”

“Born and raised, yeah.”

“Oh, really? I don't know what that’s like.” Jason looked straight up at the one or two visible stars, and my eyes automatically traced the line of his neck. 

Jason continued, “I'm from California, but we moved around a lot, so being the new kid at school is nothing new to me. I’ve had countless first friends who I didn’t end up really having anything in common with. I've never met anyone like Percy, though.”

I smiled. “Never met someone who'd run themselves into the ground for a pointless competition?” 

Jason smiled. “Partly. That, and…” He looked thoughtful. “I've never had a friend like him no matter how long I’ve stayed anywhere. He’s funny and accepting, but things do get competitive and… it’s just different. We have fun, though. Anyway,” Jason asked, turning from the sky finally to look at me, “What’s it been like to live here all your life?” He asked it with an attentive eyebrow raise, and just that made me so warm I felt it all the way down my arms.

I responded, “Honestly, it's… static. I know every corner and hiding place, but… there's so much to the world I haven't experienced, and so many other versions of myself I feel like I could’ve been if I had other resources, you know, new types of things available. It sounds much more interesting to be on the move, to see who you are in a lot of different places.”

“It’s, uh,” Jason lifted an arm and pushed his glasses up, a nervous gesture I had never seen him do before. “To be honest, it was pretty lonely. If I hadn't had Thalia I would've been miserable.”

“Yeah,” I answered, “That part doesn't go away when you’ve lived somewhere forever. I think it's just part of being a person.”

We were silent for a moment, and then Jason said, “Wow. Way to crush my dreams.”

He shot me a side grin and continued dramatically,

“Here I was, thinking there was this better life out there, and now I've been told it has the same problems as the one I already had. No room for self-pity with you, huh?”

“What can I say? I keep it real.”

Jason tilted his head with a smile and forehead crinkle, like I was bewildering but he was fond. “You sound like Leo.”

“Yeah, we’ve been spending a… weird amount of time together lately.”

“Would you say he's your closest friend?”

“Uh, well… Will Solace and I have been friends for a lot longer. But we only started talking again recently.”

“Oh.” Jason looked straight up again, and I hoped he wouldn't ask what happened. “I can't imagine not wanting to talk to you if I had the chance.”

I felt my blood thrum under my skin. “So tonight you took the chance, huh.”

He smiled at the sky. “What can I say? I keep it real.”

And he leaned over so our shoulders were bumping up against each other, and he didn't move away. When my vision started blackening at the edges, I realized I was holding my breath.

“You're really pretty, you know.” His voice had become somehow magical from one sentence to the next; now it was rich and low and layered.

“I've never been called that before.”

He turned to rest his side on the bricks again. “Get used to it.” His eyes were so dark in the orange streetlight, I wouldn't have known they were blue. “If you're going to be hanging around me.”

“I can do that,” I murmured, and found my voice sounded different too, a timbre I'd never heard from myself before, deep and soft like his.

He asked, “Yeah?” And somehow our faces had gotten close enough for me to feel his breath puff against my lips. 

I didn't have time to say ‘yeah’ back because then we were kissing, my first kiss, and my feet were itchy and my brain was buzzing like it was full of TV static.  

Was this happening? Suddenly Reyna's street felt like a dream, the party, all of it, like it had happened to someone else. I was astounded at myself, my actions so unlike me, but it felt natural too, like the only thing that made sense to do.

He pulled back, and my lips felt a little numb and tingly. He smiled and I watched that little scar stretch, and as I stared at his mouth we were kissing again, and the tingly feeling spread from my lips to my brain, my hands, my chest…

Suddenly, Jason threw himself back against the wall. “Sorry,” he panted. “It's just if we keep going I… I don't know how far into it you wanted to… and I feel like we should go back to the party but…” he wiped his mouth and seemed to shake himself out of it a little. “Sorry,” he said again sheepishly.

I felt wryly amused. I guessed I wasn't the only one feeling a little out of my element. It was fun to see Jason’s cool, collected nature get a little flustered. 

Jason leaned forward conspiratorially and said, “I don't know if you know this, but you're kind of… alluring. It's hard to stop kissing you.”

“What can I say?” I whispered back. Then I couldn't think of anything to say that wasn't egotistical or repeating the same joke again, so I had to let it hang there awkwardly.

Jason didn't seem to mind though, looking at me with that fond face again. “You can say that won't be our last kiss.”

“Oh.” I said, face burning. “Well yeah, I…” I hadn't really thought beyond the moment, and was barely thinking while actively in it. It was all happening very quickly. But with Jason’s handsome face giving me all his attention, it was easy to find the words, to be this new smooth version of me. “I think that can be arranged. I'll talk to my people.”

“Oh, sure, sure.” He smiled at the humor, his eyes somehow sparkling despite the darkness. 

I sighed, closing my eyes and appreciating the moment. I opened them slowly and asked, “Ready to go back in?”

“Yeah,” Jason yawned, “as long as you distract Leo so I can finally have some of the dip I brought.”

“I saw that plateful. I thought he and Calypso must be sharing it.”

“Nah, he's hoarding it like a dragon. It's all the DnD, mark my words. Got into his brain. I'm flattered he likes it so much, really.”

“I know something that got into your brain. I know something you like so much.”

“Shut up,” Jason laughed, and leaned over to give me a noogie like an older brother. We walked inside together, his arm around my shoulders until we reached the door, and I was beaming inside and out.