Chapter Text
“You always keep that glove on.” The vampire asked, amethyst gaze focused on the human’s right hand.
“So what?” Vanitas, avoiding eye contact, snuggled closer to the vampire.
Noé chuckled and wrapped his arms around the human in his bed. “But I’ve already seen the rest of your scars.”
Vanitas winced.
“How would that one be any different?”
Vanitas took a breath. “How do you know it’s a scar?”
“What else would it be?” Noé inquired.
No response.
“Well, in my opinion, a scar is just a shadow of a memory that just so happens to live on your skin.” Noé’s hand wandered to trace the waterline of his own right eye. “They fade over time, but you never really forget them.”
Vanitas stirred, shaking his head, tucking his hands under his arms, dropping his chin to his collarbone, and curling up into a smaller ball against Noé’s chest. He wasn’t finding comfort in those words.
And Noé noticed.
“But,” Noé whispered in a much warmer tone glancing down to see the crown of Vanitas’ head, “I’m proud of you for living long enough to allow your scars the chance to fade.”
Vanitas stilled for a moment before confoundedly looking up at his vampire.
A smile. That big stupid Noé smile that only this vampire could make genuine.
The morning rays of sun shone through the window curtains and then through untamed whisps of white hair and onto bronze skin. Vanitas squinted, unsure if the brightness of the sun or Noé’s smile was causing him to do so. He looked back down at his gloved hand.
“You Archivistes and your need to know everything,” Vanitas replied, a half-hearted attempt at an insult.
“Not everything.” Noé paused. “Just everything about you.”
“Noé, if you’re gonna keep being sappy like this, I’m going to get out of bed.”
A tiny chuckle escaped the vampire. “I’d like to see you try…” a grin, “…human.” Noé teased.
What an antagonist. “You…!”
The two quarreled for a bit longer, throwing playful groggy kicks at one another from under the blanket before falling back into silence and Noé almost falling back asleep.
Vanitas was the first to break the quiet.
“Noé?” he whispered, trying to deduce if his vampire was still awake.
Noé tenderly squeezed his arms still wrapped around his partner and hummed inquisitively in reply.
“I will never understand why you want to know everything about me.”
Noé blinked open his eyes and watched Vanitas speak.
“But,” words stuck in his throat he didn’t know how to properly string together, “I don’t know if you’d want to stay if I told you.”
Noé felt the human tremble against him.
“I don’t even know if I’d want to stay.”
Noé held Vanitas’ waist in one arm but lifted his chin with the other. Those beautiful sapphires staring back at him.
“I can wait.” Noé smiled. That stupid genuine smile again. “Vanitas, I want to know everything you are willing to tell me. But I am more than content waiting for you to find the words. I will always wait for you.”
Vanitas, hoping to hide the pink rising in his cheeks, nervously looked away for a few moments until he spoke. “Noé,” Vanitas looked back into amethysts. “I don’t think I’ll ever have the words.”
Before Noé could reply with a “that’s ok” through his stupid smile, Vanitas continued.
“But there is a way for you to know my past without me needing to find the words.” Vanitas immediately looked away, guilt written all across his face.
Noé moved to sit up so that most of his weight was on his forearms. The sudden movement driven by surprise or anticipation he wasn’t sure. There was no way Vanitas would suddenly change his mind about an Archiviste drinking his blood. The stunned vampire was only able to squeeze out a “But…”
“But,” Vanitas interrupted, “it’s going to hurt.”
Noé was still stunned, but he powered through. “If you agreed, I promise I would make sure to cause you as little pain as possible.”
“No,” Vanitas chirped, “you misunderstand.”
“I promise I can be gentle.”
Vanitas fully and aggressively sat up in bed, turning to look down at Noé. “No! Listen to me, Noé” he paused with a huff, annoyed the vampire didn’t understand what he was implying. Frustrated, Vanitas got out of bed and headed toward the bathroom.
“It’s not going to hurt me.” He turned so Noé could see the profile of his face, without making eye contact. “It’ll hurt you.”
“I’ve done this before, I’ll be fine.”
“This time you’re wrong.” He continued walking to the door while chastising himself and swatting a hand in the air like he was trying to rid himself of the insect that was telling him this was a good idea. “Gah, I don’t even know anymore.”
He paused, standing at the bathroom door, pensive and unsure. But before he turned the handle to the door, he stopped. “Can you wait for me to think about it?”
Noé nodded, despite his partner not being able to see him, “For you? Always.”
Vanitas sighed. “Alright,” a pause. A corner of his mouth upturned into something not quite qualifying as a smile. “Time to get ready, we have a long day today."
***
A few weeks passed. Among those days there were a handful of lazy mornings sprinkled into the mix. The curse bearer that had been the object of their most recent investigation was caught and cured, as per procedure. But not without Noé sustaining an injury. The careless vampire had gotten his abdomen slashed in an attempt to defend Vanitas.
Noé carried on in the fight as usual until the malnomen was no more, but clearly required medical attention. Vampires always healed faster than humans, Vanitas knew that, but the sight of the injury sent Vanitas back almost a decade into memories he wished he could erase.
It was a deep gash into the soft tissue below Noé’s ribs. The blade had been sharp, splitting Noé’s skin almost surgically, if the injury hadn’t been sustained during a fight.
Vanitas nervously rubbed up and down his own sternum while he visually assessed Noé’s condition. As always, the vampire was playing off his injury as nothing.
Maybe if Vanitas wasn’t so familiar with pain, he would’ve believed him.
The wound was bleeding profusely and needed to be sutured, Vanitas decided.
Noé hissed as the needle sewed up the hole in his side.
“Shut up, you big baby.” Vanitas uttered under his breath. He didn’t mean it. Most people cried getting sutured without anesthesia. Well, most children did anyway.
“You’re pretty good at this.” Noé noted. “I knew you were a vampire doctor, but I didn’t think you had any actual medical training.”
“Officially, I don’t.” Vanitas pulled the needle through the last time and was sure to give one last unnecessary tug on the thread before he knotted it.
Noé hissed again. “Where did you learn, then?”
Unsurprisingly, the human avoided the question. “We need to get you back to the hotel. I don’t have enough supplies to stop the amount that you are bleeding.”
Noé didn’t push. He was, after all, missing over a pint of blood and counting.
Vanitas knew Noé’s blood loss was significant, but not enough for him to pass out quite yet. He’d have to lose closer to another quart for that to happen. But he’d gotten the bleeding down to a manageable rate, so he pushed the thought away.
Still, Vanitas finished providing what aid he could before slinging Noé’s arm over his shoulders to help him back to the hotel, where he could patch up his partner properly.
***
A handful of mornings later, both partners knew nothing was on the agenda and decided to sleep in.
Vanitas still awoke first, held in Noé’s arms as usual while the vampire was still sound asleep. He decided not to wake him.
When the vampire did eventually stir himself awake, Vanitas whispered softly, “Noé, how are you feeling?”
The question was something Vanitas had asked every day since Noé’s injury and every day Noé had replied with, “Fine, just a little tired.” Noé’s way of confirming he was still in pain.
Today however, the stupid smiling vampire responded with, “I’m really happy right now.”
Vanitas stopped, not expecting a change in Noé’s answer this morning. He contemplated the next words he wanted to say. Words that had been in his mind since before the injury.
“I’m happy that you’re happy.” Vanitas said, looking at the amethysts that were indeed a little brighter today. But he was just stalling. He shifted down to place his head under Noé’s chin, draping an arm around toned shoulder blades.
He could say it now, right?
Now was as good of a time as any.
Vanitas inhaled deeply and spoke. Words more unsure than Noé had ever before heard from the human. “I think I’m ready,” a half-awake Vanitas mumbled into Noé’s shoulder.
The vampire, even less awake than the human and eyes closed again, whispered, “For what?”
“Do you really want to know about my scars, Noé?”
Noé remembered their previous conversation. “If you are ready to show me, I am.”
“Tonight, then. But you need to take care of yourself today.”
Both of them sleepily sat up on the bed, facing each other. Noé looked at him, head slightly tilted similarly to Murr’s when he was waiting to be fed.
Vanitas looked back up at Noé. “How adept are Archivistes in experiencing the senses of the person whose blood they are drinking?”
“Depends. Are you asking about my personal ability?”
Obviously. Vanitas looked at him like he wanted to eyeroll. He wasn’t making this any easier.
“I’ve had a lot of training, so I feel everything. Whatever the person experienced, regardless of what they think they remember, I will feel the exact same.”
“Including pain?” Vanitas confirmed.
“Physical or emotional?”
The human hesitated. “Both?”
“My answer is still the same. If you had your hand cut off in your memory, like mine,” Noé raised his right hand, “I would feel every nerve in my perceived real time.”
Vanitas remembered the amusement park and made a face, worrying the vampire.
Noé leaned forward placing that same hand on Vanitas’ cheek, reassuring him, “But I still want to know. As long as you tell me you are ready.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t. You can’t, I’ve been in many memories before, none of them can cause lasting physical injury. It’s not possible.”
“Noé…” Vanitas’ voice trailed off trying to keep himself composed. “It’s going to hurt.” His attempts were failing. “It’s going to hurt so much.” Vanitas slowly crumbled like an avalanche. First a few pieces of tumbling snow and ice, before the buildup of the snowbank fully collapsed. He fell forward into Noé’s arms. Muffled and short sobs escaped him, so he covered his mouth.
“Stop holding back.” Noé said flatly, placing a hand on his back. “If you are going to cry, do it properly. Let it out.”
Vanitas briefly looked up before putting his forehead back onto Noé’s chest. He was still for a moment. A moment for a deep breath. A breath to say, “It’s going to hurt you so much.” His composure failing once again. “Noé, I’m going to hurt you so much.” The sobs returning. “I don’t want to hurt you.” He bundled his hands into Noé’s sleepshirt and shot his head back up to look at Noé, tears streaming down his face, sapphires shattered, utterly broken. Noé noticed and still held him.
Through tears he continued. “I just want you to understand. I need you to understand…” a breath…
…“that I’m not… weak.”
It was Noé’s turn to try and hold his composure. He held Vanitas close, one hand rubbing the human’s back, the other gently holding the back of the human’s head over Noé’s shoulder, and slowly rocking them both until Vanitas stopped hyperventilating.
“Vanitas. You have never been weak in my eyes.” He held his human tighter, more reassuringly. “And nothing will ever make me think differently.”
***
The sun had set a few hours ago. Vanitas was unbelievably on edge. Noé had gone to grab dinner with Domi, but Vanitas had elected to stay in the room. How could he have an appetite at a time like this?
Just as he was about to complete the 68th pace around their hotel room after changing into his nightclothes, the door opened and the two partners made awkward eye contact. The atmosphere suddenly felt as stiff as in their first few months of meeting.
“How was dinner?” Vanitas’ words stumbled out even though he didn’t want an answer. He just wanted to break the tension.
“It was wonderful! Blood sausage was being served tonight.”
Vanitas could’ve laughed at the awful coincidence. “Oh. Glad to hear, I guess.” Vanitas sat on his bed. “Go get changed. I want this over as quickly as possible.”
Noé caught on to his partners implication immediately and followed his command.
He returned from the bathroom in his nightclothes and looked at Vanitas sitting on his bed, then glanced to his own. “Yours or mine?”
Vanitas followed his gaze.
“Whichever you are more comfortable with,” Noé continued.
The human thought his bed would be more comfortable. But then slowly stood up to wordless walk toward Noé’s to which the vampire followed. He rarely slept in his own bed now anyway. This made more sense.
Vanitas laid down, trying to get comfortable despite his anxious anticipation.
Noé laid next to him once he gave the go ahead.
Vanitas unbuttoned the top of his sleepshirt and pulled it free of his neck.
Next to him, Noé’s eyes flashed red. His body heat increased, and heart rate soared.
Vanitas would’ve blushed if he wasn’t terrified.
“You can still change your mind,” Noé reminded him.
“No,” Vanitas reassured him. “It’s not me I’m worried about.”
Noé nodded and continued, tracing the spot on Vanitas’ neck which he had selected with his tongue. “Are you ready?” Noé asked, tone thick with hunger.
“As I’ll ever be,” Vanitas muttered.
“I need a ‘yes’ Vanitas,” Noé responded sincerely.
Vanitas looked into Noé’s eyes. They grew a vibrant ruby red, irises glowing with bloodlust.
“Yes, chéri. I’m ready.”
Noé smiled, lowered his head, aligned his fangs…
…and bit down.
An unexpected moan escaped Vanitas’ mouth, which he quickly muffled with a hand.
Noé, eyes now closed, just held him tighter as he drank. A guttural rumble of pleasure escaping his throat with every gulp. He clearly enjoyed the taste of his blood… so far.
The aphrodisiac seeping into Vanitas’s bloodstream cut the edge off the human’s anxiety, but he still was doubtful. Emotional tears of uncertainty began to leak and stream from his eyes. He was still afraid his vampire would leave him after all this was over.
***
Noé dove deeper and deeper. Senses becoming numb to the real world and submerging himself in the ocean of Vanitas’ past.
He found it quite hard to breathe there, like trying to breathe in a thick fog. Slowly uneasiness began to settle in Noé’s chest. That feeling only grew into fear. A fear he was dying. Dying and couldn’t catch a breath.
He panicked. It wasn’t uncommon to feel like he was swimming among someone’s memories, but this time…
…was he drowning?