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It was a fact. A truth. Sabine was his best friend.
But…
There had been… moments.
Moments that felt like a little bit more.
The school dance, when he stepped all over her feet and she laughed and stepped on his toes too—
The trip to Six Flags where they screamed themselves hoarse on roller coasters all day, and fell asleep leaning against each other on the car ride back—
The time he got a part in the school play and then the lead actress got sick so Sabine stepped in and they sort-of-but-not-exactly-technically kissed—
The time in the ghost town when the moon lit up her eyes and her hand brushed his and for just a second he thought—
But, no.
Because they were only friends—and Ezra was okay with that!
He’d had a pretty big crush at the beginning. Zeb still hadn’t stopped making fun of him for the whole Flynn-Rider-coffee-table incident. But, he’d had time, and a solid friend-zone put up, so he backed off, and she warmed up, and then the next thing he knew they were best friends who went everywhere together and did everything together and he was falling again.
She wasn't.
He loved being friends with her. He loved the loyalty and the impulsiveness, the way she was fierce and funny and everything about her. And that was the thing.
Ezra thought she didn’t mind it. Sure, he was trying to keep it a secret but she’d always been able to see through him like glass, and aside from a chuckle or two or a roll of her eyes at a joke that got a little too close to almost-not-exactly flirt-ish, she didn’t really react.
So, it wasn’t a problem. It hadn’t been, and it wouldn’t be.
(Except it definitely would.)
At first, the invitation to come along with Sabine, Kanan, Hera, and Zeb (and Chopper, unfortunately) to the little town of Krownest, Nevada (home to Sabine’s bio family—she finally got back in touch with them!) had seemed great. A chance to get away from Uncle Hondo and Maul for a whole two months? Getting to stay in a huge fancy house that probably cost, like, three zillion dollars and had a pool?
Ezra would’ve been crazy to say no.
But now… now he was spending even more time with Sabine. And it was tough.
Sabine was glowing here. She was so much happier than he’d ever seen her before. She had both of her families in one place. Ursa was so thrilled that her once-delinquent child had pulled herself together that she invited her whole family (like, NINETY PEOPLE) to come visit, and Alrich was nonstop talking with her about her art, and Tristan… well, he was happy too, even if he disguised it as being grumpy she was getting all the attention.
But that wasn’t the point.
The point was—
When they arrived at the Krownest Airport at three in the morning and ran through the empty halls hand-in-hand, singing at the top of their lungs because why not—
The night around the campfire, after they’d all stuffed themselves with s’mores and the desert air was getting cold and she threw a blanket around both of their shoulders and kept her arm there for a second or two—
The pool party, where he splashed her and she tackled him but didn’t knock him over, just hung on, arms around his neck, skin against sunburned skin, laughing in his ear—
The cookout where all thirty of her cousins set up games on the lawn and four out of five times, when they needed teams, she chose him first, except for during their Calvinball ripoff which was total anarchy—
The “girls’ night” that he’d accidentally interrupted but they made him stay and Sabine painted his nails orange and they argued about which version of Pride and Prejudice was better and then Sabine brought up the Great Cats Debate Of ‘19 because she just couldn’t let it go, and Makenzie or Makayla or Mckinley or whatever her name was said that they were so cute together and she meant together—
Moments.
Moments that were…
Not…
Quite…
Friends.
And he wasn’t the only one who was noticing! Her family was noticing!
But she… wasn’t.
And he didn’t know if that meant that she didn’t notice because she didn’t mean it to happen, or if she didn’t notice because she didn’t want it to happen.
Either way, it left him in the same spot.
Moments.
Only moments.
So many moments.
Enough moments to make him hope, ‘till it all came crashing down.
It had been one of her… cousins, Ezra thought (it was really hard to remember who was who in such a huge family). She’d cornered him yesterday, when Sabine was out visiting the big city nearby—she still hadn’t come back, actually, he wondered if she might be staying all night somewhere—and she’d given him a pretty terrifying speech.
Except, instead of the typical shovel-talk “if you break her heart I’ll break your knees,” or even “if you break her heart she’ll break your knees,” it was more like “I know you think you’re some pretty hot stuff, but you’re not. Face it. You never had a chance with Sabine. And at this point, all you’re doing is embarrassing her.”
And it made him stop. And think. Because… was he embarrassing her? Maybe, maybe when he was fourteen, she was embarrassed—but even then with all the stupid stuff he’d say, she never acted embarrassed.
But what if her family saw something he didn’t?
It left him with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. It had been hard to sleep. Impossible, almost. Though, that was mostly because there were so many people there that the whole house was stuffed full, and he, Zeb, and like four distant Wren cousins were all in sleeping bags on the floor of Tristan’s room. And most of them snored. Also, there was a really loud thunderstorm.
So he lay in the dark, staring up at the ceiling, and he thought.
These moments.
Maybe it was all in his head.
Probably it was all in his head.
He had to get it out of his head.
Sabine was great.
She was! It was an objective truth. But she was a great friend and even if they had moments, it didn’t mean that anything changed. It didn’t mean more than friends.
All you’re doing is embarrassing her.
Was that true?
The problem was, he couldn’t see what she was thinking, and it was times like this that having two borderline neglectful, definitely emotionally incompetent uncles as the people who raised him for most of his childhood had consequences. Logically he knew this was probably just all in his head, but maybe she was embarrassed. Maybe she was just putting up with him. Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe —
After an unknown amount of hours, he gave up on ever trying to sleep and went to find some food.
Ezra wiggled out of the sleeping bag and crept out of the room, making sure not to wake any of the other guys. For a minute, he considered changing out of his pajamas, but the noise of rummaging through his suitcase would definitely wake at least one of the evil cousins. So, the orange plaid pants and dark gray shirt would have to do.
It was weird, walking around someone else’s house while everyone was asleep, especially when it was a mansion. After a few weeks here, he’d learned his way around pretty well, and it was only after one minor detour and the discovery that the Wrens had a stinkin’ movie theater in their house that he got to the kitchen.
Ezra didn’t bother turning on the lights, shuffling to the refrigerator in the dark and pulling it open, squinting into the brightness.
“You can’t sleep?”
It was Sabine, sitting at the far end of the island, an almost-empty glass of orange juice in front of her. She had a big, baggy black t-shirt on. It drooped over one of her shoulders, and he was not looking at that.
Thunder rumbled in the silence between them.
“Yeah,” he said, closing the refrigerator and turning all the way around to face her.
You know what? This was good. This was ideal. He would prove right now to himself and then later to everyone else that he was fine with just friends and he was not going to flirt or do anything that would embarrass her.
“Wanna make breakfast?”
Ezra looked over at the clock.
“It’s two in the morning.”
“Yup. Wanna make breakfast?” she repeated.
His stomach growled, answering the question for him, and for just a second, her lips twitched towards a smile.
“I’ll get the pancake mix.”
She slid off the chair and padded across the floor to the pantry, and he only had a mild heart attack in the half a second before he realized she was wearing shorts under the huge shirt.
She had really nice legs.
He was staring at them.
This was not in the plan.
“Get a bowl or two,” Sabine said, appearing out of the pantry with a big yellow box of pancake mix. She was squinting at the back, trying to read it with nothing but the barely-there light through the enormous windows.
Ezra looked around. This kitchen was probably as big as his whole apartment. “I don’t know where they are,” he admitted.
She looked up from the back of the box and gave him a little smile. “Neither do I. We’ll have to look.”
The box landed on the counter with a thunk, and she threw open the cupboard doors above it. Nope, those were dishes. Good for future reference, though. Ezra turned around and opened a set of cupboard doors across the kitchen. Not there, either.
It took twelve cupboards to find the bowls.
As they went hunting for a whisk, he caught snatches of music. Sabine was humming something.
“What is that?” he asked eventually.
Sabine shrugged vaguely.
“Seriously,” Ezra said. “What is that song?”
She sighed loudly. “It’s just a dumb pop song, it was on the radio and it’s been in my head all day.”
Oh. Yeah, he did know what song that was, now.
He also knew when she wasn't telling the whole truth.
Ezra turned around to hide his smile and opened a drawer that held a block of maybe twenty-some knives. He shut it quickly. No need to let their resident aichmomaniac know about ‘em. “Hey, no judgment. I used to listen her music all the time.”
She shut her drawer loudly. “Hey, just because I have one song in my head—wait, you like Taylor Swift?”
Well, now he was feeling judged. But he put cheerfulness into his voice. “Mm, when I was younger.”
“Lemme guess. You listened to her cheesy teen unrequited crush we-belong-together songs on repeat after every time we hung out?” she teased.
“No!”
“He said, like a liar,” she finished, throwing an oven mitt at the back of his head. He laughed aloud and turned around. She was looking over her shoulder at him, and a flash of lightning shone through the window behind him and lit up the snow-white of her hair for a second.
Sabine smiled at him, that sweet, warm, albeit currently exhausted smile that he knew was a hundred percent real. She didn’t give it out often, but he’d been getting it a lot lately. If he was being fanciful, he’d say it was a hint she might like him back. If he was being realistic, which he was really trying to do, he’d admit that she was just so much happier here.
Sometimes he wondered if she’d be coming back with them when they left, or if Krownest might be her permanent home.
He’d really miss her.
But until that happened, he was going to enjoy all his time with her.
And not be embarrassing.
“Hey,” she began loudly, clattering through a drawer, “Why did you like me so much?”
“I’m sorry?”
She laughed a little. “Just curious. Like, you’re not the first guy who had a crush on me. But you definitely had the biggest. So, what was it?”
To buy his brain a little time to reboot because she never talked about his old crush—not even to make fun of it—he made a show of rummaging through the collection of scissors, Ziplock bags, and other assorted nonsense in the drawer in front of him. “What, do you want a self-esteem boost?”
“No. I’m only curious. And bored. And sleep-deprived. Might as well talk about stupid stuff.”
“We could always sing the Aladdin soundtrack,” he joked, working his way to the conclusion that it would be best to just play along. “But—okay, okay. There was a lot of stuff.”
He heard the sound of her opening a new drawer, behind him. “Like what?”
“We-ell…” Ezra picked up one of those grabby metal things and clicked it a few times. “You were pretty.”
“I was pretty?”
”You still are. But that was one of the reasons. Also, saving me from certain death helped,” he offered. “And, you were funny, and kind, and you took all that flirting really well. But I think… mostly, it was because you cared.”
“What do you mean?”
He rolled the drawer shut with a soft thump and leaned on the counter, bracing his elbows on the cool stone. He could see the backyard pool area out the window, and the surface of the water was covered with ever-changing craters from the rain.
“You—and your family—you cared about me. People didn’t do that. Not my teachers, not Maul, not anyone. Except maybe Uncle Hondo, I guess. I didn’t have many friends. But then this… amazing, incredible, sarcastic, beautiful girl pulled me out of a dumpster, insulted me, gave me Twizzlers, let me borrow her crazy tie-dye pajamas, and treated me like I mattered. Falling in love was pretty much guaranteed.”
Across the kitchen from him, Sabine shut her drawer, a little too gently. He heard her footsteps crossing the polished wood and went back to looking for a whisk, just to seem busy. But she caught his hand before he could pull the next drawer open.
She tossed her hair out of her face and gave him a teasing smile.
“Ezra Bridger, you still have a crush on me, don’t you?”
Oh no nope nope no—
Gathering his wits, he shrugged her away with an easy smile. “Yeah, right. You’ve been listening to your gossipy cousins, haven’t you?”
She giggled. “I can’t avoid it! Katka follows me around, nonstop, oh my gosh, Sabiiine, do you liiike him? Don’t you wanna touch his hair? His scars are so cute. You’re sooooo lucky. She’s been driving me nuts.”
“You? Be glad you’re not the one she’s crushing on! Do I need to remind you about—” He ran his hand through his hair like it was long and flowing, threw an arm around her, and leaned in, wiggling his eyebrows. “Hi, hot stuff. I’m Katka.”
She shoved his arm off of her. “She said that?”
“Yeah, it’s why Grant likes me. I blanked and said I’d get back to her in five to seven business days and Grant called dibs on being my best friend right then and there.”
“Good old Grant.” Sabine smiled, shaking her head. “Guy’s got a heart of gold. You know he went with me today, right?”
“Oh, no, I didn’t.” Ezra perked up at the change of subject. “How did your trip to Sundari go?”
She seemed to sink a little. “Not great, honestly.”
“You want a hug?”
He meant it as a joke, but she hesitated, then stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head on his shoulder. After a second, he did the same for her, and Sabine almost melted. She sagged, clinging to him.
“Has anyone ever told you you're the perfect size for hugs?” she whispered into his ear. Her breath tickled.
“No.” He managed to keep his voice calm even though he was a little astonished that she said that. But, he pulled himself together, memorizing the moment as well as he could, and she hugged him tighter. “I don't think so.”
“Well, you are.”
She took a little step back, but her arms stayed around him, like the contact could anchor her. They were face-to-face, so close.
She met his gaze—
And just like that—
There was another moment, and his heart flew into his throat.
He couldn’t read the meaning of her eyes as they scanned his face. He wished his expression was neutral, but she could always see through him like glass. He really, really hoped that she was feeling the electricity of the moment, too.
She bit at her bottom lip. It made his heart feel… floaty, sort of. Terrified-thrilled-jittery-panicky.
Ezra had one (1) single thread of common sense, and it was the only thing keeping him from leaning in and pressing his mouth against hers.
For a single, beautiful second, he was certain he wouldn’t have to hold back, because she took his face in her hands and swayed forward, and if she’d tilted her head, the only way it could have ended was in… but it didn’t. Instead, she just let her forehead rest against his.
They were so close.
Ezra had spent so much thought on doubting himself, he never bothered to doubt what Cousin Shoveltalk had told him. But he had to doubt now, with her soft breaths and gentle touch and everything about the moment.
“Sabine…”
But he had nothing more to say. Nothing he could say.
I’m really in love with you.
You’re driving me crazy.
Please stop.
Please don’t stop.
Thunder cracked, so close the dishes rattled and he felt the tremors through the floor.
Her fingers brushed against his cheek and the thread holding him back snapped. He lurched forward and just as quickly reeled away, heart racing. He hadn’t actually almost—he didn’t—
But yeah, he did almost kiss her just now, and his head was spinning too much to realize how good it was he hadn’t. She probably would have just stomped on his foot or pinched his arm or shoved him away, if he had, he didn’t think she’d punch him or anything, but he’d still have done it. He would have kissed her, and that was a point of no return.
As it was, he went way too far.
She stared at him, wide-eyed, then put her hands on her hips.
“You do like me!”
Panic mode engaged, please standby for stupid answer.
“I’m sorry,” he blurted out.
Stupid answer completed.
Sabine barked a laugh, reaching around him and snatching up the missing whisk from the drawer he’d been looking in, then strolled over to the counter with the bowl. “You’re one of a kind, dumpster boy.”
“Thank you?”
“But I hope you know you blew your lie apart,” she continued, as he moved to her side. “Which, for the record, I didn’t ever really believe. You like me.”
“I do not like you,” he contradicted in a weak attempt to keep the facade (and the voice in his head added the like a liar thing Sabine said earlier.)
“Uh- huh. So why were you like… this?”
She dropped the whisk into the empty bowl and took one stop forward, then another, and she met his eyes. Her expression changed, morphing instantly from playfulness to an urgent, barely-restrained sort of need.
She swallowed dryly and her hands, which had come to rest lightly on his sides, tensed, gripping tightly for a second. Her eyes flicked down to his lips for a second and she took a shaky breath.
“Sabine…” she rasped in a pretty decent imitation of his voice, sounding dazed.
Oh.
Is that what I sounded like?
“Yeah,” she whispered, and he realized he must have spoken out loud.
“Well, I have no idea why, ‘cause I don’t have a crush on you,” he announced abruptly, putting a skip into his step as he moved backwards and shoving the memory of how real her expression had looked into a little box, then hiding that box in a dusty closet in the back of his mind. “Honestly, acting like that, you’re gonna make me think you have a crush on me.”
“No I don’t,” she contradicted immediately. “Now, we need two eggs,” she commanded, glancing at the box. “And milk.”
“Maybe you do and you’re just in denial,” Ezra joked as he opened the giant refrigerator and looked for the eggs and milk.
“I am not in denial.”
“That’s exactly what someone who’s in denial might say.”
She pointed the whisk threateningly. “I know what you’re doing, Ezra. You’re changing the subject.”
“What subject?”
“The one where you’re madly in love.”
“I’m hardly in love.”
“You’re ardently in love.”
He set the milk carton and the eggs down on the counter next to her. “If you’re expecting a dramatic proposal in the rain that you can rudely reject, hate to disappoint, but…”
Sabine grumbled under her breath, flipping the lid of the egg carton open. “Do not get me started on that scene.”
“I know, you just love it.”
As expected, that got her started on that scene, which was exactly what he wanted.
“They ruined it! It was supposed to be this—this awkward conversation in the living room, not a romantic thunderstorm!” She viciously cracked one egg on the side of the bowl, and he winced as eggshell pieces fell in. “And they changed the line!”
“Really?” Ezra leaned his elbow on the counter and rested his chin in his hand. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard that before. Definitely not two days ago.”
She completely ignored him. “It’s not I love you most ardently. It's not! They changed it! It’s supposed to be—”
“Sabine.”
“In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed—”
“Sabi-ine.”
“—You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you!” She finished, grabbing the whisk and annihilating the first egg.
“You’re ranting again.”
Wait, nope, she wasn’t finished. “—In declaring myself thus, I am fully aware that I will be going expressly against the wishes of my family, my friends—”
“Wow. You’re actually going to quote the whole thing, aren’t you?”
She grabbed the second egg, smashing it into the bowl. Ooh, more eggshell. Yum.
“—and, I hardly need add, my own better judgment! The relative situation of our families is such that any alliance between us must be regarded as a highly reprehensible connection—”
“Okay, now you’re just showing off,” he accused.
Sabine continued rambling (did she have the whole proposal memorized?? Wait, yeah, she probably did. She watched that scene a lot. He had a suspicion she might have a little crush on Colin Firth (and who could blame her, honestly?) but he was not gonna mention it because she’d totally kill him.)
He tuned her out, and found his eyes wandering over the profile of her face. Her nose was scrunched up as she beat the second egg and her hair hung in her face.
She was… really pretty. Right now. Something about the mundane moment; yelling about old books in the middle of the night as they made breakfast felt… homey.
Not counting the night in the ghost town, this was the first time they’d hung out like this in years. He used to spend the night over at the Syndulla-Jarrus-Wren-Orrelios house at least once a week, but when he turned seventeen, it stopped. Maul said no because he was an emotionally manipulative, controlling jerk, and Hondo didn’t allow it because he had some weird ideas of what “kids these days” got up to at slumber parties.
Ezra missed those midnight moments, back when he and Sabine would whisper across the room to each other until Zeb threw his pillow at one of them to get them to shut up.
It was so much easier then, when he was too young and dumb to rethink his cheesy lines, and he just said what was on his mind, and then she insulted him or threw his flirting back into his face and neither of them cared. But then again, he wouldn’t trade what they had now for all the money in the world.
Sabine finished her speech with a flourish, and she was actually panting a little from talking so fast. She’d also grabbed a third egg, even though the recipe only called for two, but she hadn’t cracked it. She was just gesturing angrily with it.
“See?” she said, turning to him. “That’s the quote, and they ruined it!”
He didn’t say anything, just watched her. It took his brain a bit of catching up to get to where she was at.
“So, you finally admit I’m right?” Sabine demanded.
Throwing caution and fear and inhibition and logic to the wind—or, actually, it was more like he tripped on a rock and accidentally threw it off the side of a cliff—he reached out, brushed her long bangs out of her eyes, and blurted out the dumbest question he’d ever asked.
“Can I kiss you?”
And then there was egg dripping through his hair.
It was Sabine’s turn for Instant Regret™.
“Oh my gosh! Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“I’m sorry! I got caught up in the moment, but—it wasn’t even a moment—”
“—it was a knee-jerk reaction, I was not expecting you to do that so I panicked—”
“—and you had a bad day so I definitely shouldn’t have asked that now, or at all, but especially now—”
“—oh, oh it’s dripping everywhere, let me just—there’s egg smashed in your hair, oh gosh I am so sorry, Ezra—”
“—and I know you’re probably just sick of all my flirting and I swear I’ve been trying to stop, there’s something wrong with me tonight—”
They both stopped at the same time, staring at each other, wide-eyed and red-faced.
Without warning or explanation or reason, Ezra cracked up (no pun intended.) Really cracked up, the kind of laughter that felt like someone was strangling his lungs and his eyes watered and he found himself sitting on the floor without knowing how he got there.
“You smashed an egg on my head!”
Oh, she was sitting on the floor next to him. Was she crying? No, she was laughing. “Well, you said—that!”
“You smashed an egg on my head!” Ezra repeated around the gasps of laughter. “You wasted a perfectly good egg!”
“I did!”
He took a ragged breath, dashing tears away from his eyes and gasping. “I—I guess that’s a no?”
Sabine rolled her eyes, then held out her hand to him. “Okay, Romeo, let’s get that out of your hair before it dries.”
He put his hand into hers, pretending that he wasn’t screaming on the inside because he was completely derailing his plan of Be Normal Around Sabine.
Sabine dragged him to his feet.
“I should probably just go wash it—”
“And leave me to make pancakes alone? You know I’m a fire hazard in the kitchen.”
“Really? By now I thought you would want me gone.” She pushed him over to the kitchen sink and motioned for him to lean over, presumably so she could rinse the egg out.
She tilted her head. “Why on earth would I want that?”
“Because I’m being an idiot and I aAH!”
She’d turned the faucet on a full icy blast.
“Don’t whine, it’s not that cold,” she scolded, pumping dish soap into her palm. He had barely a second to realize what was happening before her fingers were running through his soaked hair. “And you’re not being an idiot.”
He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to ignore how gentle her touch was.
“So what do you call me asking… that?”
“Poor impulse control and badly-timed honesty.”
“That’s fair.”
She didn’t say anything more, and neither did he. He didn’t know what to say.
He’d sure put Cousin Shoveltalk’s theory to the test, but not the way he meant to. He’d done the exact opposite, actually. And from what he could tell… he couldn’t tell anything at all. Sabine didn’t seem embarrassed, but he’d been wrong before.
He just wished he knew.
The water shut off abruptly, and she leaned down to look him in the face.
“What’s on your mind?”
“Is the soap washed out?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah.” She ran her hands through his hair one more time, squeezing the water out, then tossed a dish towel onto his head. He straightened up, rubbing his hair dry, trying not to miss her touching his hair. “But, seriously. You look like you're overthinking something.”
“Did I embarrass you?” he asked, finally, settling for nothing but complete honesty. “Just now, or… whenever I say stuff…”
He stuck his hands in his pockets and stared at the floor, not wanting to finish the sentence..
A floorboard creaked as she stepped forward and put her hand on his arm for just a second, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
“Nope,” she said, simply, but there was a smile in her voice, and—when he looked up—on her face, too.
Ezra couldn't help smiling back. “Really?”
“You never embarrassed me. Annoyed me, sure, but definitely not as much as you used to. You’re… actually really sweet, sometimes.”
He wished she couldn’t see his face, but there was enough light that she must be able to see how eager he looked. “I am?”
“Yeah.” She tugged on his arm, pulling his hand up out of his pocket and taking it. Her hand felt so small in his, but so sturdy, too. “Like how you asked if you could kiss me. It caught me off-guard, which was why I smashed the egg on your head—obviously—but to tell you the truth… it was… cute, that you asked. Now, come on, these pancakes aren’t going to make themselves!” She skipped over to the counter and glanced over the back of the box. “Go find the vanilla, baking soda—no, wait, baking powder, and the sugar! Oh, and vegetable oil.”
Ezra jumped into motion, not bothering to hide the grin on his face. Okay, this was not permission to go nuts with the stupid flirting, remember that, brain, BUT it did mean she didn’t mind too much when he slipped up.
And maybe it meant that all these moments were moments to her, too.
Also she thought it was cute that he asked to kiss her!!
He had never collected ingredients so fast, and came tripping back into the kitchen to dump them out on the counter. She was scrolling through something on her phone.
“I really am sorry about the egg,” she said, opening up a drawer with her other hand and miraculously fishing out exactly what she needed—a ton of measuring cups and spoons.
“No, I deserve it for such a dumb line.”
She looked at him, and slowly smiled. “Ezra. You've said enough dumb things to me that my reaction is just to roll my eyes. What you said… that was actually pretty smooth. I'm not used to that, so.” She shrugged. “I smashed an egg on your head.”
Okay, what is going on here? Since when has she ever said anything about me being smooth?
Actually, since when have I been smooth?
“Aaaaanyway,” she said, setting the phone down and forestalling any comment from him about her music choices with a look. “You asked about my day, yesterday.”
Ezra nodded mutely, because he didn't think he could trust his mouth to do the right words at the moment.
“You remember when we hid in the thrift shop from my old friends? I ran into them today.”
Her hand brushed his as she took the milk carton from him, opening it up.
“They started off well. Told me I’d always be one of them, no matter how much of a goody-goody I pretended to be,” Sabine muttered, sloppily measuring out an approximate amount of milk and vegetable oil and about a quarter cup of vanilla. These pancakes were going to be horrible. “Grant told them to bug off.”
Sabine looked up and made eye contact, then grinned for just a second. “He didn’t say ‘bug,’ though.”
“Well, now that you’ve reformed, I guess he has to swear enough for both of you, sometimes.”
The joke came close, but missed its mark. “Reformed. Hah. The girls thought that was hilarious.” Sabine made her voice mockingly high-pitched. “Where’d my wild child go? My party girl? What happened to her? Did getting dumped by your mommy make you all better? And Mother had to butt in and tell them how I had a wonderful foster family and that I wasn’t a juvenile delinquent anymore. That hurt. That really hurt. But of course it’s Mother, so it’s just chin-up-and-bear-it.”
Ezra reached over, pulling the whisk from her hand before she beat the ingredients into oblivion. She leaned against his side for a moment, like a wordless thank-you.
“They mentioned you, too.”
“Me?”
Sabine started measuring the dry ingredients with a reckless disregard for God and the Bisquick recipe.“Yeah. We thought we were being so sneaky, but they saw us. So, actually, hiding just made it worse, because they saw us sneak off together, and… yeah. Brought it up today, along with a couple unfounded conclusions. Queenie, she was always the worst—she asked how many men I was going to go through in a month. ‘Cause I was out with you, and then this time Grant was there. And they seriously offended Grant by telling him that they thought my last boy toy was quote-unquote hotter.”
“…I’m not sure how to take that,” Ezra said, giving her back the whisk and praying. On the one hand, that was kinda degrading, but on the other hand… the evil ex-friends thought he was ‘quote-unquote hotter’ than Grant? Grant, the neighborhood heartthrob? (But to be fair, Grant did have more going for him than his looks. He was also a really great person. Apparently, he won the Most Tolerable Male award (along with Tristan, Percy, and Bruno,) from the Wrenettes last year.)
“A compliment, I guess,” Sabine shrugged, sending batter flying. Ezra acted on instinct, grabbing her hand so she’d stop stirring. But, he’d grabbed her hand, and she froze.
Nope! No more moments right now. Too much. Say something. Quick! SAY SOMETHING! Make a stupid joke!
“Well, you know what you gotta do when this happens, right?”
Sabine narrowed her eyes at him, sensing the coming shenanigans. “What?”
He cleared his throat, timed it just right, then belted out—
“You gotta… shake it off, shake it off!”
She darted forward, kicking at his ankles, but he jumped back, still singing along. Ezra knew he must look totally stupid right now, but he was making Sabine smile and that was the important thing.
“How do you know all the words?!”
“It's a gift! Hey, is this on Sabine's top secret playlist?” he teased, between lyrics.
“Um, I think it's actually called ‘Ezras fun music dont listen if ur not ezra’. ” She looked up and giggled at his horrified face. “You were the one who logged into Spotify on my phone, so I have unlimited access to your playlists. What, is there a deep dark secret on here?”
Sabine picked up her phone and went scrolling, presumably through his stuff.
“Not anymore, there's not. I cleared out most of the garbage on there months ago—”
“Hey! There’s one called technicolor girl, and a bunch of heart emojis. And a picture of me. Wonder what could be on here?”
“—except I missed that one.” He sighed, rolling his eyes. “Okay, get it over with.”
“It’s cute how you know you can’t stop me from listening to it.” Sabine raised one eyebrow as she looked it over. “I had no idea you were so sentimental, Ezra. This is just plain sappy.”
He sighed, a long sigh, and leaned back against the counter, closing his eyes. “Just remember I was fourteen and experiencing my first crush. Don’t make fun of me.”
“Aw, I was your first crush? That's adorable.”
There was a clatter as she tossed her phone down and a jarringly familiar intro started playing—fun, but a little slow—from the bluetooth speakers in the kitchen. It wasn't the first song; she must have chosen it at random. A pair of hands grabbed his, and just like that, he found Sabine dragging him out into the middle of the huge kitchen, a gorgeous grin on her face.
“What are you doing?”
“Something stupid,” she replied cheerfully, raising one of his arms and spinning out, then right back into him. Her back bumped into his chest; she swayed backward, then dragged him forward, swinging her shoulders, but she stopped when he didn't do anything.
“Ezra.” She turned around, looking at him. “I do not care… no, I do not mind that you have a crush on me, you do not embarrass me, and I'd really like to dance with you to cheesy pop music at two in the morning.”
“Why?” he asked. It was the only thing he could think to say.
“Because I—” She stopped, and he didn't realize how earnest her gaze had become until it grew soft. “Because I miss being stupid with you, dumpsterboy.”
“I miss being stupid with you, too.”
Sabine smiled, nose scrunching up. She grasped his hands in hers and started moving, at first just a little sway, but then she was stepping with it, too, and he found himself moving along. They weren't exactly… dancing together, not like a slow-dance or that, but they were dancing together. Somehow that made sense to him. Dancing together but not together. Only, sort-of together, because she was holding his hands, and she was close to him, except. Not TOGETHER together.
(Mostly?)
Then Sabine stopped in place, staring out the patio doors.
“What is it?”
She looked up at him, a sparkle in her eyes, softly singing along a little. “I'd dance in a storm… Haven't you always wanted to do that?”
“I… guess so?”
“Alexa, play music on the patio speakers!”
She pulled him to the doors, flipping the lock and dragging the door open. The sound of rain roared, and then water was streaming down his face as he stepped outside.
The patio floor was cool, but not cold, and he had to grin as Sabine flung her arms out and turned her face up to the sky, eyes closed. The music came out of the speakers, loud but not too loud. Caught up in impulse, Ezra threw an arm around her, spinning her, first close, then out away. She whooped with joy, even as the rain soaked them both.
Her eyes fixed on him, and there was a look there.
If it didn't feel like way overstepping, Ezra would almost have to wonder…
She was acting like she liked him.
He knew her. He knew how she treated her friends and her enemies and her family and she wasn't treating him like any of those. More and less all at once, like she wanted something but didn't know how to ask for it.
And maybe—possibly—probably not but maybe—he was that something.
Which, he realized, totally explained the egg. Beyond just not knowing how to react with him actually having a good line for once. If she liked him, then. Then maybe she would have said yes! And of course, this was Sabine they were talking about. Of course her knee-jerk reaction to realizing she would like it if he kissed her was to smash food on his head.
And it explained why she brought up his crush. She wanted to know if he still liked her! Gathering data before making her move. Calculating her chances.
It made so much sense.
It was also ridiculous.
Him? Ezra? She was literally going to inherit, like, millions of dollars some day. And her mom definitely wanted her to “take an interest” in Grant. And if Sabine ever did notice him, if she ever… then news of it would get out, somehow. Ursa Wren could only keep so much of her private life secret. It was a miracle the press never found out about Sabine's existence. But they would, someday, and he really didn't want to see gossip magazines about Millionaire Actress's Daughter Dating Dumpster Kid. Then again, with the right spin, that could make a pretty darn good Cinderella story.
Why was he even thinking about this?
Just think about… the song. That's all.
Wait, no, now the song was talking about a first kiss.
Think about dancing!
Except, Sabine twirled out again, and then back against him, chest pressing against his, and her look gave him chills. Or maybe that was the cold rain. He froze in place, which was okay because she did, too, and a feeling snarled in his throat until he couldn't say so much as her name.
Somehow, the fact that they were both soaked to the skin made her feel even closer to him. He could feel her breaths, maybe even her heartbeat.
Dang it.
But then the song ended, and the twangy beginning to another song started playing, and Sabine got the giggles.
“Did you actually put this on your playlist?”
“It had the vibes!” Ezra replied, even if he had to kind of shout over the crashing rain. “You were a lot cooler than me, and we were friends but I was always thinking, like, one day she's gonna notice me, so the song felt like it fit!”
Sabine laughed aloud, moving back to give them both room to move. Kicking their feet and swinging their arms and singing the lyrics wrong on purpose, grinning like idiots, clasping their rain-slick hands, they danced together-but-not-together like no one was watching.
Someone was watching.
The music cut off abruptly, and someone knocked loudly on the windowpane.
Oh. Great. Tristan.
He was grinning at them like he knew everything that had happened.
“Hey, guys,” Tristan yelled, sliding the door open. “You're going to be in so much trouble.”
“Snitches get stitches,” Sabine retorted, stepping forward and making a grab for the phone he held in his hand. Had he been recording?
“You're gonna get grounded if Mom finds out you're dancing with your boyfriend. In the middle of the night. Alone. Especially with you wearing that. Put on pants, lady!”
“I have pants!” Sabine objected, sounding offended. “They’re just… short pants!”
“Ri-i-ight.”
“Also, I'm not her boyfriend?” Ezra added. It sounded like a question. Dang it.
“Tell that to Mom.”
Why would Ursa think I'm Sabine's boyfriend?
“Make yourself useful and get us towels or something!” Sabine commanded him. “Otherwise we're gonna drip all over the floor.”
Tristan rolled his eyes and shut the door, walking off to hopefully do as ordered, and Sabine gave Ezra a little smile.
“What a moment-killer,” Sabine joked, and Ezra laughed, but later, as he was changing into a dry set of pajamas, he realized—
Can't really be a moment-killer without a moment, can there?
Ezra went back to the kitchen with a grin on his face, and he and Sabine made the world's most disgusting pancakes.
It was a fact. A truth. Ezra was her best friend.
But…
There had been… moments.
Moments that felt like a little bit more.
The school dance, when he swore he was only asking her to go with him as a friend, but she dressed up nice anyway, and he looked at her all night with starstruck eyes—
The trip to Six Flags where they bought overpriced food and ate lunch together, just to two of them at their own table, and he made her laugh so hard that soda came out of her nose—
The time she stepped in for the lead actress when she said she was sick and she was shocked over how weird it wasn’t —
The time in the ghost town when he met her eyes and she knew he was thinking about kissing her and the funny thing was, she was thinking about kissing him, but then Zeb was right there so she didn’t—
So, yeah.
Moments.
Of course, because she was Sabine “I don’t work through complicated emotions” Wren, it took her a long time to admit all this to herself. And actually, she wasn’t even the one who did the admitting. Yesterday, when they were out in Sundari, she was telling Grant a funny story about something Ezra did the other day and Grant looked at her for a long time and then just told her that she might want to consider the possibility that she was in love.
So she did consider it.
Honestly, it wasn’t even a possibility anymore. It was a guaranteed fact. Sabine was head-over-heels in love with her dumpster boy.
It was gonna take time to process this.
But then he appeared, shuffling into the kitchen in a daze and rubbing at his eyes and Sabine threw herself into pretending that she wasn’t still battling through the blue screen of realization.
Hey, maybe she was head of set design, but as the Aladdin Incident Of ‘18 proved, she could act in a pinch.
(Though, looking back, she wasn’t sure how much of that was acting and how much of it was the subconscious beginning of her crush shining through.)
At this point, this was probably the only time they would be alone together for the next month, or however long they stayed here. The only time they could… talk about it. So, she kind of brought it up. And then kind of brought it up again. And kept chickening out.
In the end, they ended up tossing out the failed pancakes and sharing a huge bowl of gummy bears and watching a movie. And then… things got… a little fuzzy. Sleepy. All the scenes of the Spinosaurus eating people and the Velociraptors and Pterodactyls sort of blended together and jumped around and then it was morning.
Sabine felt her pillow, which was in fact not a pillow, stir slightly, and she opened her eyes, looking sleepily up at him. Ezra was fast asleep, slumped over, leaning against her like she was leaning against him. They'd each grabbed their own blanket, but she was wrapped up in hers, while his had sort of migrated over them both.
Closing her eyes again, Sabine snuggled closer and let herself doze off.
They'd talk when he woke up. She didn't want to disturb him. Not when he looked so happy, asleep.
She came to an indeterminate time later, head blurry, to Ezra nudging her.
“Sabine, wake up,” he complained, sounding embarrassed. “I’m not your pillow!”
Aww. He was flustered.
“Mmm, that's, like, your opinion,” she mumbled, snuggling closer to him until she was practically sitting in his lap.
“You know, I thought Tris must've taken something out of context for that video he sent last night, but are you two actually just like this?”
Sabine snapped awake and tried to scramble away from him, but she was all bundled up in her blanket, so she just kind of flopped off the side of the couch like a fish in a burrito.
Not my best moment.
Sabine threw one arm up onto the plush white couch, hauled herself up to be sitting, and pointed a threatening finger at the group of girls standing there. “Watch it, Beatrix.”
Trixie giggled. “To your credit, you've done an awesome job of keeping it secret. I honestly had no idea that the two of you were a thing. Which is good, because your mom is not on board with that. Don't worry, we won't tell, will we, girls?”
The Wrenettes, as Ezra had taken to calling them, agreed rapidly. Oh, of course, we won't breathe a word, I think you two are adorable together, I would never do anything to give it away!
Sabine pushed herself up again to sit next to her red-faced not-boyfriend.
“Is Mom really that against it?”
Jocelyn nodded. “But at least your Dad likes him!”
“If it's any consolation, I'm totally rooting for you,” added Jess. “If you were from a TV show, I would write so many shipfics.”
Awkward silence.
“Okay, girls, let's beat it,” Trixie announced. “Jess made it weird and they're obviously exhausted. We can give them a few more hours of sleep.”
Making herself useful for once, Beatrix herded the girls off, then darted back in to close the curtains to make it darker for them, and Ezra shifted uneasily. Sabine was sitting close enough that their sides touched.
“Do… you want me to move over, a li—”
“No,” Sabine blurted out, then carefully measured herself back. “No. I don't.”
Neither of them spoke for a while, but the silence was comfortable, not awkward. Ezra's head began to droop eventually, but Sabine was too jittery to sleep again. She'd blown her chances last night. But this morning! This morning, Sabine was going to say something.
She looked around, making sure nobody was there to see, then leaned in close.
You’re a tough, brave Mandalorian girl. You can do this.
“Ezra?”
Nothing.
She put her hand on his arm. “Ezra, wake up. I have to tell you something.”
He said something about a Happy Meal. Definitely still asleep, then.
“Ezra!”
One of his eyes opened a little. “Mmmwha?”
Say it, coward!
“I—” She glanced around one more time, then whispered right into his ear, “I think I fell in love with you.”
Sabine sat back, waiting for a reaction. It took a while.
“…ice cream machine’s broken,” he mumbled, closing his eyes again.
Sabine didn’t know whether to laugh or scream, because that was so on point for him but also she just confessed her love and he didn't hear which meant she was gonna have to do it again which she was not prepared to do!
So, as usual, she acted on impulse. Snatching up a couch cushion, she whacked him on the head. “WAKE UP, EZRA!”
He woke up so fast he almost gave himself whiplash. “AH!”
She grabbed him around the middle and turned him towards her. They were pressed face-to-face. “Listen, dumpsterboy. I need to talk to you before I chicken out again.”
“O…kay…”
Taking a deep breath, Sabine scooted back and launched into a 27% prepared speech.
“So there’s this thing that I gotta tell you about and I was gonna tell you yesterday but I didn’t.”
Sabine stopped there and looked for his reaction. Confused and tired.
Onward!
“Um, when we were making pancakes, remember how I kept bringing up your crush on me?”
He blushed, which was good, because it meant he was listening.
“I was trying to use that as a lead in, you know, to the thing I really wanted to say, except I didn’t.”
“You lost me,” Ezra yawned, leaning sleepily back on the couch.
“Shut your mouth and let me confess my love for you, okay? Because yesterday I realized that somehow you actually grew up into the kind of guy I could like and I do like and—yeah, I know! It's nuts!” She laughed at his wide-eyed expression. “I didn’t know if I should say something at all, at first, because I’m pretty sure that since you turned eighteen and legally you don’t have to stay with your lousy guardians, Mom and Dad are going to offer to give you the spare room at our house, so would it make it weird if we liked each other? But then I realized that, hey, we already like each other and if we don’t acknowledge it and are maybe living in the same house and seeing each other every day, it’s gonna get big and tense and then it’ll explode and we’d probably end up fighting and totally ruining our friendship! Right?”
She looked over at him for an answer. He nodded eagerly.
“So the reason I was still up was that I was freaking out because I have a really big crush on you and I had to tell you! And then you were there and I had so many chances to say something. Like during that moment after the hug, I totally could have said it then. I chickened out! Then you were joking about me liking you, which, shocker, you were actually right! You gave me the perfect opening, and I was gonna do it but then I started ranting instead. And then—”
Sabine took a huge gulp of air and kept going, staring down at the couch cushion on her lap as she did so she wouldn’t have to say it to his face.
“And then you asked to kiss me and I really wanted to say yes. But I freaked out and smashed an egg on your head. So, like, last night was a hot mess and then Tristan ruined it all and I just said so much stuff I didn’t need to say but my point is that I like you! A lot! How the heck did that happen?!”
Her last words echoed in the air, and he did nothing.
“WELL?”
Slowly, Ezra smiled.
“Yeah, I knew that.”
Sabine stared at him. “What?”
“I figured you had a thing for me.” He shrugged bashfully. “It was the only thing that made sense, after everything last night. I was going to wait for you to say something. I guess I didn't have to wait that long.” Ezra looked up at her. There was a touch of pink on his cheeks, and a smile on his lips. “Hey, you're not holding an egg, are you?”
Sabine shook her head with a giggle, knowing exactly where this was going.
“Can I kiss you?”
They had a lot to talk about, if they wanted to make this work. They would have to figure out how to manage being in the same house (because they both knew he’d take them up on that offer in an instant.) They’d need to talk about how to win her mother over to the idea and how to keep it on the down-low until then, and about what they wanted this to be, and if they wanted to take it fast or slow or maybe just drift along and see what felt right, and so so much more.
But for now…
“No,” she grinned cheerfully. “If you do, then you'll start acting all bashful and blushy and Mother would notice in an instant. No kisses.”
He was obviously disappointed, but even then, his smile was luminous. “Then—can I hold your hand?”
“Okay,” she said. “But… just 'till the family wakes up. Too many people know already.”
“Right. Just 'till the family wakes up,” he agreed, and slipped his hand into hers.
Sabine and Ezra were best friends. It was a fact. A truth.
But in that quiet moment, it felt like a lot more, too.