Chapter Text
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The dinner is tiresome. Just like Jimin knew it would be.
It isn’t Tae’s fault, he’s an excellent host; the food he serves is usually great, the table setting immaculate and everything is arranged to perfection. It isn’t even a problem with the other guests because Tae’s taste in friends is just as good as his taste in decor.
Those invited to his house for these dinner parties are all interesting, kind, usually beautiful people. From lawyers to artists, all people with a passion for a cause.
And then there’s Jimin.
Jimin who freezes up when they ask him about his job and his life goals, because he’s excellent at his job but it isn’t anything interesting.
Jimin who has been in the bathroom for way too long now.
He leans his palms on the counter and stares at himself in the mirror. Only the sudden thought that the others might think he’s doing a nasty shit if he’s too much longer, drags him out of the room and back to the dining room.
As he's coming back downstairs from the bathroom, he sees someone vanish into the closet underneath. He pauses at the bottom step, hand on the rail, deciding if he should intervene.
Maybe they're looking for the bathroom too? He steps towards the door and tries to listen, hand hovering over the handle. He can't hear anything.
Maybe they're sick? He opens the door cautiously and peeks his head around.
It's dark inside but someone is sitting against the back wall, their face illuminated by the glow of their phone screen.
'Oh, uh, hello?' Jimin says.
The other person doesn't look up.
'Hello,' he answers though, still focusing on his phone.
'Are you OK?'
'Yes, thank you.' Still not looking up.
'Right. Cool, OK then.'
Jimin is about to leave but something stops him. Nobody hiding in a closet at a dinner party is doing OK, right? Whatever they say.
He can't see much of the other, but they have a sad aura going on, something in the clipped replies and steadfast focus on the phone.
Kind of like they're trying not to cry.
Jimin can't bear people being sad, particularly not when it forces them to go hide in a closet during a social gathering. He’s been there. It sucks. He also happens to be great at cheering people up and an excellent listener.
So, he steps into the closet and closes the door behind him.
It's smaller than he first realized and he stands with his back to the door a little awkwardly. The guy is now looking up at him in surprise, his eyes so wide he looks like an emoji.
'Can I, er, sit?' Jimin asks.
'Yes. It isn't my cupboard.'
'And, how about the light? Can I put that on?'
'Yes. You can.'
Jimin reaches out and tugs the light chord.
The closet is messy, which is completely expected from Tae’s home. There are coats bundled on hooks on one side, a mess of tools, sports equipment and also some stacks of cans and bottled water which Jimin knows is part of Taehyung’s 'in case of apocalypse' stash.
Jimin questions the need for Hello Kitty shaped pasta in such a time, but perhaps some innocent joy would be exactly what was needed.
The mystery closet man is wedged between a tower of cat food and a power mop. He’s gone back to staring at his phone, so Jimin sits down across from him.
He suddenly doesn't really know what to say. He's usually good at this kind of thing, but this guy is literally giving him nothing. Jimin looks around, a little awkwardly, and then, seeing as he's so absorbed in his phone, Jimin takes a moment to stare at his companion.
He's sitting cross legged, back straight, thumbs whirring away on his phone.
Jimin hasn't met him before. He doesn’t remember seeing him at the dinner even before he went to the bathroom, now he thinks of it, and he definitely isn't one of Tae's usual friends who appear at these gatherings. He looks Korean too, potentially. So he could be family? A cousin or something?
'I'm Jimin,' he says, just to break the silence.
The other looks up.
'Would you like my name too?'
'Uh, yes please?'
'My name is Jungkook Jeon.'
'Cool. Nice to meet you.'
He just nods and goes back to his phone.
Jimin taps his fingers on his leg. Jungkook doesn’t actually seem as if he’s upset, but that only makes Jimin even more curious why the fuck he’s in the closet.
‘What’re you doing in here?’
‘I’m playing Pokemon Go.’
‘Right. On your phone?’
‘Yes. There’s a raid going on.’
‘Right now? That’s why you’re hiding here missing dinner?’
‘Yes. Now. Also, I said I’d try dinner, I tried. I didn’t like it.’
Jimin snorts.
'And the closet was the best option?'
'I have to vary it, or Tae finds me too quickly.' He nods.
‘Poor Tae.’ Jimin grins, because he can't help being amused by anything that winds up Taehyung.
‘Oh, he's used to me.’
'How do you know each other?'
'High school.'
'Ah, that's nice. Old friends.'
'Yes.'
Jimin laughs again. Apart from his thumb– which is tapping wildly on a single spot on his screen– Jungkook is still basically giving Jimin nothing.
He's also clearly quite happy where he is and apparently Tae is not going to be surprised or annoyed to find him in a closet.
So, it seems Jimin is hardly needed.
'OK, well, I'll leave you to it.' He smiles and goes to stand. 'Cool tee-shirt by the way.'
Jungkook's head shoots up.
'You like it too?' He asks, actually looking at Jimin properly for the first time.
'Yes? It's Zevran, right?'
'Yes. It's a limited edition tee-shirt, from warp box. That's a subscription service.'
'Cool.'
Jimin slowly relaxes back onto the floor. He's not in a hurry, he's been to enough of these dinners…and honestly he doesn't often get to talk to people about Dragon Age.
'You play?' Jungkook asks eagerly.
'Yeah, and I always hook up with Zevran. So…' He snorts but Jungkook doesn't.
His eyes have come alight though and, for the first time since Jimin crashed the closet, Jungkook has put his phone away.
'Did you catch the pokemon?' He nods at Jungkook's pocket.
'Yes. It was just a shiny Deoxys. I had one already.'
'Nice.'
'Do you support the templars or mages?'
‘Oh, well, I switch it up. Last play through I went templar and a human warden and– what about you?’
Jungkook’s whole face has changed now, it's so much brighter, and Jimin would rather listen than talk.
‘Definitely mages.’ Jungkook nods, earnestly. ‘My character is a dalish elf. He’s called Thalion and he’s an archer.’
‘You play the same every time?’
‘Oh, yes. Always.’ Jungkook nods again. ‘I actually use him as a basis for inspiration for my larping character Thalin. Full name Thalin Calenaha, or Tokki, to his friends only. Although Thalin isn’t an archer, he’s a mage and a healer.’
Jimin splutters a laugh. He didn’t mean it to be cruel at all, just amused by the way Jungkook rattled off those details so earnestly.
It was honestly cute.
But Jungkook’s reaction is immediate.
He folds backwards, drops his head back down and closes his mouth. The atmosphere, which had been excited, drops and twists like a knife in Jimin’s belly.
He knows that reponse. He’s been laughed at for being enthusiastic about things too.
Jungkook gets his phone back out.
‘That’s so cool.’ Jimin tries to recover, shuffling forward a little. ‘You’ve obviously thought a lot about the lore. I’m not creative at all. I always just pick character things at random.’ He shrugs.
Jungkook stills, Jimin can see the way his eyes flick side to side. He doesn’t look up but he’s clearly not concentrating on his screen.
‘But what if you get something rubbish?’ He breathes.
‘I don’t really mind…I once called my character in Skyrim ‘pot plant’ because I looked up and saw one across my room and I couldn’t think of anything else.’
‘What?’ Jungkook’s head shoots back up, he looks scandalized. ‘That’s terrible. God.’
And then he laughs too and Jimin grins at the lovely sound of it. It’s so obvious when somebody has a laugh they’ve never thought too much about. Something unrefined by how others might hear it, just a sound of joy.
Jungkook’s laugh makes Jimin’s own tumble from his lips again, but this time Jungkook doesn’t flinch from it.
‘Will you tell me more about…Tarlin?’ Jimin is careful with the name, trying to respect exactly how Jungkook had said it. ‘I don’t really know anything about larping.’
He’s heard of it, he thinks, but only ever as something being poked fun at.
‘Thalin Calenaha.’ Jungkook corrects right away.
‘Yes,’ Jimin grins. ‘Them.’
Jungkook doesn’t skip on any details. In only a few minutes Jimin is given a pretty thorough run down of Thalin's basic ancestry, an explanation for his weapon of choice and fighting style and a precis of his personal code of ethics.
‘Actually, he’s part of our guild at Everdawn.’ He says. ‘The guild is called Meramarth. Which translates roughly as: to want or pursue doom. But doom like fate, not the bad kind. If you ask Tae he’ll say we’re called the brotherhood of disappointing Korean sons, but that is not true and I get very annoyed when he says it. Which is why he does it. Tae’s character is a goblin called Kkaebi. He says that his motto is defender of the weirdos. I don’t mind that one so much. But it isn’t a very grand motto.’
‘So, this…guild? It’s like a real thing? You all actually go there and–’ Jimin cuts off, trying to think of how to phrase his question in an inoffensive way.
He’s genuinely curious about what Jungkook is talking about, rapidly and with intense enthusiasm, but at the same time it sounds a lot like a bunch of adults dress up as elves and go hang out in a forest once a month.
‘Of course we go!’ Jungkook nods. He’s sitting on his knees now, feet tucked under him, his posture rigid with excitement as he explains. ‘Everdawn is actually one of the oldest larping communities in the US. It’s been going since 1996, some people’s characters have generations of story behind them. I’ve only been going for five years. But I’ve been Thalin the whole time so that's still a pretty long time.’
‘It sounds…really cool.’ Jimin smiles. ‘Tae hasn’t ever mentioned it to me before.’
‘Hasn’t he? Maybe he’s embarrassed. He only went at first because he was trying to sleep with Maya. And he made me go too and then I liked it a lot so we kept going. I think he only kept going for me actually. But he loves it now as well. I don’t think he’s lying about that.’ He frowns. ‘I hope he isn’t.’
‘Oh, I’m sure he isn’t. It sounds really fun, why would he lie?’
‘Yeah OK, that’s true. I’m just not very good at telling when people are lying.’ Jungkook rubs the back of his neck.
‘Tae isn’t that sort of person. He’s very honest, too honest.’ Jimin smiles.
As if summoned by them talking about him, the door to the closet is suddenly tugged open and Tae is there, looking down at them, head cocked to the side.
Jimin, who had been leaning back against the door, falls into his legs.
‘Well, hello, what're you two doing in here?’ Tae says, eyebrow arched.
‘I’m not coming out.’ Jungkook says immediately. ‘I really don’t want to, Tae, and the food isn’t good enough to change my mind.’
Jimin shields a laugh in his palm and Tae kicks him on the leg.
‘Yeah, fine Kookie, I’ll leave you be. But I do need to take Jiminie, OK? His absence is throwing off the symmetry of the place settings.’
Jungkook just shrugs and Tae bows at him sarcastically before reaching down for Jimin and dragging him back to the dinner party.
Jimin complies, but he can’t help wondering what Jungkook is up to more than once while he sits there. He wonders if he’s still playing pokemon in the closet, or if he’s left. Jungkook also turns out to be right too, the food is fussy and aside from Tae the company is way too dull to make up for it.
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Jimin organizes his inbox beautifully; color coded sub-folders, a meticulous flag system and he never leaves anything unread for more than 24 hours.
If he wants to keep to that schedule today he has four emails in his ‘red’ folder which need replying to before he breaks for lunch. So, when he sees Taehyung approaching him across the office he lets out a little groan and ducks behind his monitor.
‘Jimin Park you might be tiny, but you’re not that tiny.’ He seats himself on the edge of Jimin’s desk. ‘And what, may I ask, have I done to make you want to hide from me?’
‘Nothing, personally…I just really want to get through these emails before lunch and–’
‘Sure, sure. So, I hear Jungkook talked to you?’ Tae interrupts.
Jimin looks up with a pleading expression on his face, hands still hovering over the keyboard, touch-typing to not lose any time.
‘Uh, yeah. He's nice. He said you knew each other from high-school?’
‘Yup, me and Kookie go way back.’
‘That's cool. He seemed sweet.’ Jimin turns back to his computer, scans the email and hits send.
Maybe over lunch or afternoon coffee he wouldn’t be shutting this conversation down so fast.
But not now.
Now he has twelve minutes to send three emails or he will have to cut into his lunch. And his forty-five minute break is already accounted for (fifteen minutes to eat while reflecting on his goals, fifteen minutes on his phone, rounded off with a fifteen minute walk outside).
But, when he grudgingly looks back up, Tae hasn’t gone. In fact, Tae is giving him a look. A raised eyebrow hand on hip kind of look.
‘So, I hear you're coming to the next Everdawn meet?’ He grins.
Jimin sighs and swivels in his chair, finally giving Tae his full attention. He cannot be alluding to the weird dress up weekend that Jungkook mentioned and Jimin politely listened to.
‘What? The medieval thing? No…absolutely not!’
‘Don't you dare back out now!’ Tae admonishes.
‘To back out I'd have had to agree and–’
‘Did you say you'd go?’
‘Tae, I think I probably said ‘sounds cool I'd love to’. But like not actually, everybody knows that's just a turn of phrase–’
‘No, actually, not everybody does. Jungkook being one of them. If you said to him you'd love to go, then that means you'd actually love to go.’
‘Well, I wouldn’t love to go.’ Jimin rolls his eyes again and turns his chair back, hoping to cut this off. ‘And it isn’t like I’m going to see him again, I was just being polite.’
‘And why do you think I’m going to let you get away with weedling out of it, huh?’
‘But–’
‘Oh, Jimin. We're good friends. Great friends. But if you're about to make Jungkook sad you're going to get a little surprise–’
Jimin shoots his head up to find Tae quite genuinely glowering at him.
‘I'm not. I– come on, why would he be sad? We met once for like half an hour. He doesn't even know me.’
‘That's why he's been talking about you, is it? Why he asked me to give him your number so he can help you with your character?’
Jimin balks.
'Oh…'
‘Look, Jimin. He's not a kid, he doesn't need me coming in like some attack dog on his behalf– though I absolutely will, try me– but Kookie is super excited about you coming along. Whatever you said he interpreted it as he'd won over a new convert to the world of immersive larping, you backing out is going to break his little heart.'
‘Are you guilt tripping me?’ Jimin crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow.
‘No. That'd be doing a disservice to Everdawn and to Kook. He's one of the coolest people I know and you should be honored he's decided you're worth inviting. What I am doing is holding you to your word. You said you'd come, so come. I think he’s right too, you’ll enjoy it. We both know you're more of a nerd than you like to let on.’ Tae leans down to half whisper the last bit, like Jimin’s nerdy status is some deep, dark, office secret. Which it is. He scowls back and Tae sits up raising his hands in placation. ‘Just don't judge something you know nothing about before you've tried it.’
Jimin sighs, there's more to his reluctance than he knows how to express.
‘I just really don't think it's my sort of thing. You know…I'll be out of place and I don't want people to think that I'm mocking them, or–’
‘You can't be out of place somewhere where there is no place!’ Tae grins and starts backing away.
‘What does that even mean!’ Jimin yells after him but Tae just grins wider.
‘Look, if you really don't want to go you can be a big boy and tell Jungkook yourself. I'm giving him your number, yeah? Yeah!’
And then he's gone. Jimin groans.
Over lunch, he scrolls mindlessly through his phone. Through his beautiful Instagram. Through everybody else's too. It's fall and everything on the grid has a distinctly cozy, pumpkins, leaves and hygge kind of aesthetic.
Last night, he uploaded a shot of himself in a thick cream sweater, cross legged on his couch, with a carefully positioned book on his lap and candle on his coffee table.
He refreshes it again. And again. It's doing alright, but he'd like to see a few more likes from certain people from high school.
For a horrifying moment he imagines a little square on his carefully curated timeline of him in elf ears.
It would ruin everything.
He closes Instagram and stuffs his phone away, standing with a sigh and heading out to walk around the office before heading back to his desk.
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[unknown 18:47] Hello Jimin! This is Jungkook
[Jimin 18:52] Hi Jungkook
[unknown 18:59] So, the next Everdawn meet is on the 28th
[unknown 18:59] Which is plenty of time to sort you out a character
[unknown 18:59] I have some ideas
Jimin groans and drops his phone onto his chest.
God dammit Taehyung for being totally right that Jimin would be too much of a coward to back out when directly faced with Jungkook’s happy assumption that he was still up for attending Everdawn.
[Jimin 19:08] That’s great
[Jimin 19:08] Thanks for helping me
[Tae’s Jungkook 19:09] Of course!
[Tae’s Jungkook 19:09] Here are some links to my ideas
Jimin’s eyebrows steadily raise as he clicks through to what Jungkook sent him. There’s a definite vibe, which seems to be elf with a bow and arrow, but also all of the pants are noticeably tight. He snorts, it can’t be deliberate but there’s something kind of horny about all of Jungkook’s choices. He’ll have to steer him away from that.
He sighs and leans back against his couch. Netflix rumbles on in the background casting a flickering blue glow across the room. He stares at the last image on his phone: tight, faux leather pants and some sort of tunic, a shoulder piece with a hood and a pair of boots. The person in the shot has the hood pulled over their head so their face is in shadow and they’re holding a bow and arrow, loaded and drawn, pointing at the camera.
Their stance is bold, confident…and not really very Jimin at all.
He kind of likes the pants, he could picture himself making them work in some way, with a white shirt maybe, a few buttons artfully undone and his hair slicked back. Not with a pair of elf ears and a tunic though.
He flings his phone onto the coffee table and groans again. Maybe he can’t do this.
He tries to picture himself in that kind of outfit and out in public too, not even just being seen like it but having to interact with people, play a part.
He’s watched some larping videos on youtube and all of them just make him cringe. They’re all terrible. All he sees is a bunch of weird adults in handmade costumes hitting each other with fake looking swords that appear to be made of foam and running around in a forest.
Even the ones specifically of Everdawn that Taehyung sent him didn’t help. All he could do was laugh at the sight of Tae in his goblin make-up.
Jimin rubs his hand over his forehead and frowns. This is a fucking disaster waiting to happen.
Without Taehyung in the picture, he would honestly just have ghosted Jungkook. The thought makes him loathe himself just a little more, but it’s true. He’s so anxious about this ridiculous commitment he’s made that he feels like he’s breaking out in hives on his chest and he rubs his palm across his collarbone.
It’s too late now though, he can’t just vanish because Tae will hate him and he’s a good friend, but apparently he’s also too much of a coward to turn Jungkook down to his face. Well, through text. He’s too much of a coward even for that apparently.
He glares at his discarded phone, all he can do is hope that if he doesn’t engage much maybe Jungkook will lose interest –but so far that really doesn’t seem to be Jungkook’s vibe at all.
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To his surprise –and in total opposition to his original plan of letting conversation between him and Jungkook fizzle out– Jimin finds that they keep talking all week. To the extent that on Wednesday night Jungkook actually calls him to confirm he’s available for the next Everdawn so he can let the gamemaster know.
And obviously Jimin is just as much of a fucking coward as all the other times they’ve talked and says yes. And then they just keep talking.
Not for ages, but it’s nice.
Jimin doesn’t really talk to anyone on the phone aside from his parents. He avoids it if anything. But it’s kind of easy talking to Jungkook, he’s straightforward and it doesn’t leave any room for Jimin to overthink.
More often than not when he puts his phone away that week, it’s with a smile on his face, instead of the usual throwing it somewhere with a scowl.
On Friday, he allows himself a break from routine and he and Tae drive out to get BBQ for lunch. Tae has an unreadable look on his face when Jimin tries to casually drop into conversation that he’s going over to Jungkook’s the next day to work on a character.
At first he looks a little surprised, then smug, and then happy. Far too happy when it isn’t really a big deal.
But he doesn’t say anything much, just smirks around the straw stuck between his pretty white teeth and Jimin doesn’t ask, just sighs and arranges the plates on the table so they look better for a photo.
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‘Kookie, are you really not going to tidy up?’
‘It is tidy!’
‘Your standards are atrocious. This room is a disgusting cave.’
‘Mother, I am twenty-four years old.’
‘Exactly. And you’re having a boy over and you’re wearing three day old sweatpants and your room is a health hazard.’
Jungkook pauses his game and looks up to where his mom leans in his bedroom doorway.
He sighs at the look on her face. He trusts his mom and that means sometimes he has to take her word on things he thinks are stupid.
And Jimin is really nice. He seems really nice. Jungkook doesn’t want him to think he’s disgusting.
‘You think I should shower?’ He asks.
‘I think you should shower.’ His mom nods. ‘And I think at the minimum there should be no dirty dishes or dirty laundry anywhere on your floor. Or preferably anywhere else in there.’
‘OK. Fine.’ He gets to his feet. ‘And I'm just helping Jimin develop a character for Everdawn. We need another archer so I have an agenda to guide him in that direction.’
His mom just smiles her mom smile, the one where it’s really obvious that she likes him.
‘Will he want dinner?’ She asks and Jungkook pauses.
‘Is dinner implied if I told him to come here for two o’clock?’ He frowns.
‘Hmm, no, probably not. That’s after lunch time and probably OK to just ask about dinner if he stays long enough?’
‘OK, good, thanks.’
She gives him a wink and leaves. He texts Jimin just to be certain:
[Jungkook 10:58] I will have had lunch by the time you get here
[Jungkook 10:58] We can discuss dinner nearer the time
Then he throws all of his laundry unceremoniously into the hamper and stacks up all the dirty dishes to take downstairs with him.
In the shower he tries to convince himself that he’s only interested in helping Jimin because they need an archer for their guild.
They do need an archer for their guild, but Jimin is also the most beautiful man he’s seen in real life maybe ever. They only hung out for like half an hour, and in a weirdly lit closet, but Jungkook was still floored by him.
And he plays Dragon Age.
And he’s gay. Taehyung had said so when he asked. Jungkook was terrible at guessing so he always had to ask.
It wasn't like he expected anything because of that, people like Jimin were never in a million years interested in somebody like him. Never had been, never would be.
But he still wanted Jimin to like him and think he was cool. Hot too, if possible.
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Jimin still isn’t quite sure how he ended up here, standing awkwardly on the sidewalk in front of the kind of sprawling suburban house that makes his skin crawl.
The street is wide and quiet, the type kids play on while neighbors wave at each other. The houses are white or pale blue, with basketball hoops on the garage doors and pots of flowers on the porches.
He hasn’t been to this side of Hackensack for a while, avoids it if anything.
Something about standing here is terrifyingly close to triggering a vivid flashback to Jimin’s high school prom night (he was the only out gay kid in school and got asked by one of the dateless girls as an ironic statement, she ditched him to go out with an older guy and left him standing on a path just like this in a badly fitted suit. He realized too late he was her cover, loathed himself for wanting to cry, then went home.)
He pulls in a deep, calming breath and then begins to walk up Jungkook’s front path, the surface of which is covered in chalk. Jimin looks down at it, noticing that the marks are purposeful, made up of lines and numbers, scattered crosses.
When he rings the bell it echoes around the house like a TV show and he feels himself hunch a little where he stands, then sighs and focuses on dropping his shoulders and lifting his chest. He watched a tiktok yesterday that talked about how acting with intent, reflected through posture, could completely alter your impact on those around you.
Or something like that.
The door opens to reveal what he assumes is Jungkook’s mom grinning at him from the doormat. Almost simultaneously Jungkook comes into view, tumbling down the broad staircase behind her.
The image is so straight from a sitcom that Jimin feels a little tug of something like fear in his chest, something a little like what the fuck are you doing. Because there’s one thing about apparently getting dragged along on this mad weekend –something he’s still kidding himself he can get out of, even now– and there’s another thing about standing on someone’s doorstep about to meet their family.
He feels sixteen, not twenty-six, like he’s going around to finish a class project.
The problem isn’t because he judges Jungkook for still living at home. But it feels jarring, a slice of something domestic that Jimin is wary of.
‘Hi, you must be Jimin?’ the woman smiles and he jolts out of his thoughts.
‘Yes, hi ma’am.’ He smiles, a tiny bow creeping out of him instinctively.
‘Jimin! Let’s go upstairs. I have notebooks to show you.’ Jungkook grins, beckoning enthusiastically and already turning to head back up the stairs.
Jungkook’s mom looks at her son with a matching grin.
‘It’s nice to meet you, Jimin. See you later.’ She winks at Jungkook as she leaves.
‘Do you, er, want a drink or anything?’ Jungkook asks, paused with one foot already on the stairs.
Jimin shakes his head.
‘No. I’m OK.’
‘Let’s go then.’
Jungkook launches into things with very little preamble and ten minutes later they’re sitting opposite each other on his bed, notebooks and papers spread between them. Jungkook roots through them enthusiastically, giving Jimin a potted history of Everdawn and how it all works.
Everdawn is a long-running campaign, based in a vaguely medieval high fantasy setting, and is described by Jungkook as a ‘fully immersive, lightest-touch boffer LARP’.
Which basically means that all players stay in character for an entire weekend and that the plot and character development are as important as any action. Like Jungkook said when they first met, some of the storylines have been running for years.
It also means that the game involves real fighting and combat, though conducted with foam weapons and based on a point system for different body parts rather than on genuinely hurting each other.
Jimin stays skeptical, trying to hide any look of amusement when Jungkook describes the foam padded weapons, called boffers, that he personally thinks look a bit ridiculous.
But, at the same time, he also can’t help being sucked into the world Jungkook is painting.
His notebooks are captivating, chaotic, bursting with sketches and scrawled notes, genealogical charts, maps, pieces of fabric, designs for weapons. Jungkook runs through it all, barely pausing for breath.
Jimin looks up at him, taking the chance to stare while Jungkook seems absorbed in pointing out details on a map of the site.
It’s the moment Jimin senses for certain that Jungkook is kind of different, that he doesn’t quite hold himself like everybody else, or talk like them, and that it is kind of odd how quickly he’s somehow ended up here, sat on a stranger's bed with a book of elvish lore on his lap.
Jungkook's finger stills on the page and he lifts his head.
'Am I talking too much?' He asks.
'Uh, no.'
'You're staring at me? Do you have a question?'
'No…'
'Do you need a drink or a bathroom break?'
'That's a lot of questions…' Jimin wavers.
'I'm just not very good at guessing. I need to ask.'
His finger hasn't moved off the point on the map that he was last describing, as if he can't wait to return to it, as if this distraction is frustrating.
But this turn of conversation is kind of the in Jimin was hoping for, a way of asking what he was already thinking.
'So, uh, is there a reason…that you're not very good at guessing, I mean?'
Jungkook frowns at him, then nods, short and jerky.
'I often don't pick up on nuance. Or implications. Or some body language.'
'Right. Cool.’ Jimin answers ‘Why's that?'
He hates the way his voice sounds, to him it's so obvious he's just trying to get Jungkook to say the words he already thinks he knows.
'Because I'm autistic.' Jungkook frowns. 'Did Taehyung not tell you that? I thought he would've done.'
'No. He didn't.'
'Oh. Sorry?' Jungkook frowns. 'Maybe I should lead with that. I should’ve text you before you came. I'm sorry if you feel uncomfortable now.'
Jimin lifts his head in surprise.
'What? No! Of course I don't. Why would I?'
Jungkook has finally moved his hand from the map, his fists bunched to his sides but otherwise completely still for the first time since Jimin arrived. He's looking down, a frown on his face.
'Maybe you wouldn't have wanted to come. Or you would've liked to research first or something. I don't know. But I'm sorry you didn't know.'
He shrinks into himself so viscerally, not just physically but like his energy withdraws too, sucking back into his chest. The contrast makes Jimin realize just how much Jungkook normally moves.
And Jimin misses it immediately, he wants it back, wants the Jungkook that sat before him bubbling and swaying with happiness as he talked through the complexities of their guild at Everdawn.
He looks straight at him, hoping Jungkook will lift his head again and meet his eyes.
'Jungkook, you don't owe me any information about yourself. Like I don't owe you any in return.'
He means that, but he immediately hates that they had to get here for him to realize it, because he had been pushing Jungkook to spell it out. As soon as he’d sensed something different about Jungkook he'd wanted an answer, he wanted to know.
'Isn't it different for me?' Jungkook frowns.
'Why would it be?'
'Because I'm different?'
'No. It isn't different. I'm sorry for pushing.'
'Oh, well, it isn't a secret or anything. I just thought it was obvious?'
Jimin shakes his head, smiling when Jungkook finally returns his eye contact.
'All that's obvious is that I'm way out of my depth.' He taps the notebook in front of them. 'I'm never going to remember all this.'
Jungkook grins.
'I'll help you.'
Once he finally lets himself relax, drawn into the enthusiasm Jungkook spins around them like he's painting color into the air, Jimin has more fun than he’s had in ages.
The fantasy world at Everdawn taps into a part of himself he doesn't indulge much. A part he packed into a little box at some point during high school and swapped for questionable basketball jerseys, backwards caps and a lot of hyper masculine posturing. Something which had morphed into blonde hair, impeccable time management and a color coordinated Instagram grid by his early twenties.
But that little slice of Jimin was still there and, swept up by Jungkook, the afternoon passes in a blink.
He's sprawled on his belly now, across the whole bed, while Jungkook sits on the floor, his back resting against it. He'd got up to demonstrate some combat moves and then just flopped down on the carpet and dragged his laptop onto his knees.
Jimin's belly rumbles and he peeks at his phone. It's half five.
He looks down to where Jungkook is typing madly, adding ideas to the character for Jimin they've spent hours creating together.
The trouble is, he's still just not sure he can do it.
It's been nice to dream, really nice actually. Nice to indulge the little twelve year old boy in him that would've fucking loved this.
But the reality of turning up to the camp and doing it…that’s a whole other thing entirely.
'You sighed again. Please explain.' Jungkook says, not looking up.
'I'm just…anxious I guess?' Jimin rests his cheek on his forearm. 'That I can't do this? That I'll be rubbish and I'll ruin it for everyone with my terrible acting or by being, like, awkward or something.'
Jungkook wrinkles his nose in thought.
‘Well, how about we give your character a backstory that excuses that, or some kind of impairment? Like maybe he stutters in crowds, or maybe he isn’t very talkative, or maybe he’s neuro-divergent in some way.’ He taps his fingers on his bottom lip while he thinks. ‘That way, if you feel overwhelmed you won’t need to break character.’
‘Oh, yeah…that could help.’
‘OK, that seems like a good idea then. If it makes you feel less anxious.’ Jungkook nods, typing something as he does. ‘But also, he doesn’t have to have issues if you don’t want. You know it’s perfectly OK if he’s just weird.’
He grins like the idea delights him, whereas the word sends a shiver down Jimin’s spine.
‘Jungkook…does, uh, does your character have autism?’
Jungkook leans back and lets his head drop onto the bed so he can look at Jimin upside down.
‘Well, the short answer is yes. Long answer is that it’s different at Everdawn. There aren’t the same societal rules and restrictions and so Thalin isn’t held back by them in the same way. He does still struggle with some things but it has a different meaning. Everdawn is also essentially a medieval fantasy setting and so there aren’t the same diagnoses for things. Nobody would use the word autistic.’
‘I see. And you’re happy with that? You didn’t want to have him be–’ Jimin cuts himself off just as he realizes he was about to say normal.
Jungkook smiles at him knowingly.
‘I wanted Thalin to be brave and I wanted him to be able to help people. I like helping people, all my life I always wanted to and it mostly just creeped people out. That’s all I really wanted for Thalin. I never needed him to be normal.’
He returns to typing and Jimin looks at him, somewhat in awe. Given the choice, given an open world with all the possibilities in the universe, Jungkook wouldn’t change the one thing about himself that everybody assumes he would. He wouldn’t be normal, he would just be brave.
Jimin wishes he was too.
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
Tae had gently suggested that maybe sending Jimin four-hundred pictures a day might be a little too many and Jungkook really was trying to listen.
Obviously four-hundred was a ridiculous over exaggeration…but he was sending him quite a few.
It was really hard not to.
For a start, it had been well over a year since Jungkook had been involved in anybody new joining Everdawn and he’d forgotten how much he loved character building.
He’d had so much fun when Jimin visited on Saturday, and got so utterly absorbed in what they were doing, that he’d kept him locked in his bedroom going through things until nearly six. His mom had had to come up and suggest dinner, from which Jimin had politely excused himself and gone home.
For the rest of the evening Jungkook had panicked that he’d gotten too intense and scared him off, until Jimin text him a picture of an outfit just before he fell asleep.
[Jimin Park 00:12] is this the sort of thing?
[Jimin Park 00:12] XdsSEW.jpg
It wasn’t. But it did give Jungkook an idea for a shirt, which he scrawled a doodle of in one of his notebooks and sent a quick photo of it back to Jimin.
And he hadn’t really managed to stop since.
He sent images of pages of his notebooks– as it was quicker than typing things out– or little sketches of costume ideas and his progress on Jimin’s lineage tree.
Jimin was also fussing about the name for his character. Considering he’d said to Jungkook he didn’t care about such things when they first met (and revealed the terrible examples of names he’d given his gaming characters) Jungkook thought he wouldn’t care. But so far everything he’d suggested had been rejected by Jimin. Jungkook had even sent him links to various name generators and helpful tumblr blogs, to which Jimin just sent back whiney gifs that spread a stupid, dopey smile over Jungkook’s face, every time.
Which is the other part of it. He definitely was very excited to finally be helping somebody build a character again…but he was particularly excited to be doing it for Jimin.
After actually hanging out properly Jungkook discovered that Jimin was just as ridiculously beautiful as that fateful half hour in the closet had suggested. In fact, he was hotter, because spending actual time with him, in a well lit space in which Jimin was actually able to use his body, transformed Jimin into something even more magical.
He had a captivating way of holding himself, poised but clumsy all at once. At one point Jungkook made him snort laugh and Jimin threw his whole body into it so vehemently that Jungkook jumped in shock. Then grinned as he watched Jimin careen all over his mattress.
But Jimin wasn’t just hot, he was interesting and he was lots of things that Jungkook hadn’t expected and that made him like him even more.
At first glance, Jimin looked a little bit like all the assholes at highschool that had made Jungkook’s life miserable. But it didn’t take long, sprawled on Jungkook’s bed poring over his notebooks, for it to be obvious he wasn't like that at all.
For a start, Jimin had clearly read the Silmarillion so many times he corrected something Jungkook said about Middle Earth twice without thinking. The assholes in school mocked Jungkook for obsessing over Lord of the Rings in eighth grade, they didn’t read it too.
Jimin was soft-sharp. Soft at the edges, soft blonde hair and sweater paws, but also sharp; sharp eyes, sharp tongue.
And Jungkook couldn’t stop thinking about him.
Which was manifesting as having no filter in what he sent Jimin’s way throughout the week, whatever Tae said.
On Wednesdays, Jungkook has an afternoon shift at Target and every week Tae picks him up from work and they go for food at the diner across the retail park before he drives him home. Jungkook absolutely detests any change to this routine. But not this week.
[Tae 13:14] is it OK if I bring Jimin when I pick you up tonight?
[Jungkook 13:15] Yes
[Tae 13:16] I’ll tell him you get shotgun
[Jungkook 13:16] You don’t have to
[Jungkook 13:16] He can have the front seat
He waits outside after his shift, chewing on the plastic bracelet he wears around his wrist. And he finds he really doesn't mind at all when they pull in and Jimin is waving from the front seat, he just grins back at him.
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
'Jungkook doesn't mask in front of you.' Tae says, with a curious look on his face.
'What?'
They’re in the break room, as usual, Jimin clock watching, as usual, and Tae is sprawled on the suspiciously stained couch eating something greasy. As usual.
'Masking. He doesn't mask.' He repeats. 'Do you know what that is?'
'Uh, yeah, kind of, I read a bit about it.' Jimin nods.
Last night they went out for food on their way home and Jungkook had joined them, taking the opportunity to talk endlessly about Everdawn, particularly with Jimin, who he cornered in the booth and info dumped his ideas on.
'Well, I noticed that he doesn't do it around you, not even a bit.' Tae continues. ‘Not even his horrible fake smile.’
'He doesn't?'
'Nope.'
'How do you know?'
Taehyung snorts. Then he lifts his hand, clenches it and does a little excited wiggle with it, then cups his ear, then sways a little sucking his bottom lip in and out.
All an exact replica of the way Jungkook moves.
'Seem familiar?' He smiles and Jimin nods warily. 'I'm not mocking him, I'm just– all those little gestures, all the constant moving and fidgeting. Some of them are stims, some aren't, but he's well aware that most people find them weird. He masks them, usually. But not with you.'
'Oh,' Jimin bites his lip, 'I didn't realize. I just thought they were…him–'
'--they are!' Tae cuts over him immediately.
'I don't mean it like that.' Jimin frowns. 'I meant I didn't really notice them much, didn't think it was odd or anything.'
'Huh, maybe that has something to do with it to be honest. Cause he hasn't known you long, it's why I was surprised.'
'What do you mean?'
'Well if you don't find it weird, I guess you probably don't react much to them. So he's relaxed, or knows they don't bother you.'
'Oh, well that's…nice.'
Nice is such a stupid word, but he doesn't know what else to say.
'People were gross to Kook at high school,' Tae sighs, sitting up and picking at his food a bit, 'and it was a lot of his little tics and things that people were particularly cruel about. I guess a lot of them are…feminine? To assholes at school anyway…and they used to mimic him.'
Jimin grimaces, that familiar tug in his guts, low and warm, that always accompanies memories of the cruelty of high school.
'Kids are fucking vicious.' He bites.
'Yeah. And you know the saddest bit? It was all his happy and excited tics they picked on the hardest; the way he bounced, or his giggle, the ear one, it was all those that they were brutal about.'
Jimin's heart burns in his chest.
'God, that's–'
'Yeah. Imagine getting shit every time you were happy. One very fucking efficient way to stomp the light out of someone.' Tae growls and stabs his fork violently into his rice. 'Fuck, why did I think of those assholes, I want to–'
He stabs repeatedly into a piece of dumpling until it's pulverized.
'Don't blame you.'
They drop the subject after that but Jimin doesn’t stop thinking about it. He’s happy about what Tae said, pleased that Jungkook is relaxed around him, even though they’ve only met a couple of times.
But he also feels bad because he did notice those things at first. They never bothered him, but they had caused him to corner Jungkook into talking about them.
Like he does so often, Jimin falls asleep wishing he was a better person.
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
It's kind of funny, watching Jungkook try his absolute hardest not to be rude in his refusal of all of Jimin's ideas and suggestions for his character's costume.
Jimin grins as he watches him scroll through the carefully curated pinterest board he’d shown him, face practically twitching.
In the end he's just honest, like Jimin is realizing he always is.
'Some of these are OK,' he pauses on one, clicks to enlarge it, 'like this. But the rest…I'm not sure you really get it.'
'I'm utterly sure I don't. That's why I need you.' He laughs and Jungkook beams. 'You're going to have to explain why though?'
'Well, it doesn't feel like you're paying any attention to story, or character. You're just picking nice things you like the look of.'
'Yeah, I'm absolutely doing that…'
'You can do that a bit but there needs to be more thought to it, though this has helped me understand your style. We can work with that.' Jungkook grins again. 'It's sort of slutty cottagecore.'
'What?' Jimin splutters.
Jungkook just laughs and pats him on the knee.
'Let's look at my photos, rather than these rubbish internet ones. I have thousands. I think it will help.'
He grabs his laptop and they sit next to each other on the floor with it, leaning back against Jungkook's bed.
Jungkook wasn't exaggerating by saying thousands of photos. He plugs in an external hard drive and the entirety of it is carefully organized Everdawn content; arranged by year and then month and then sometimes further by guild, scene, or particular part of the camp.
He flips between them pointing out elements of costumes, but also starting to put names to the people Jimin will probably meet. Mostly Tae and the other members of Jungkook's guild. But others too.
‘That’s Cassius, he was briefly in our guild but he wanted to be boyfriends and I just wanted to sleep together. So he joined our rivals.’ Jungkook scowls. ‘A cheap move.’
Jimin stares at the screen for a second in surprise, the guy in the picture is slim, with charcoal make-up in a thick band covering his eyes. He’s also very pretty.
'You're gay?' Jimin blurts before thinking, then tries to recover, ‘or uh, Bi or um…’
Jungkook looks at him and sighs.
'Yes. Gay. I suppose you thought that wasn't possible.'
'What, no, I–'
'Don't worry. Everyone likes to assume I'm a sort of sex-less creature. It makes them feel more comfortable.'
Jimin nudges him gently on the arm.
'No. That isn't me. I just didn't– I'm gay too…' He shrugs, words trailing off as he realizes Jungkook was kind of right. He had assigned him his role as…nothing.
'I know,' Jungkook interrupts his thoughts with a small smile, 'I already asked Tae after we first met.'
'Oh and Tae outed me, great!'
'God, shouldn't he have?' Jungkook looks genuinely worried and Jimin softens.
'No, I'm teasing, it's fine. I've been out since high school. Which in retrospect was a mistake. But then I've never really been one of those people that could get away with hiding it. Everybody seemed to sense it, so…'
'I came out in high school too.' Jungkook nods. 'I didn't really realize that’s what I was doing, or that it was a big deal. People just kept assuming I liked girls so I corrected them.'
'Was it OK for you?' Jimin asks, curious, imagining that Jungkook probably had enough going on without adding that to the mix.
'Not for a while. My parents weren't angry but they were upset, confused. They went to our pastor to talk about it.'
'What did they say?'
'Said I couldn't be gay because I was autistic.'
'What!'
'Yup. Said how could I know. That I must've seen some distasteful media and got confused.'
'Fuck. I'm really sorry, Jungkook, that's–'
Jungkook shrugs.
'Most people on this planet are stupid. That's what Tae says and he’s right. I always knew what they said about it was stupid and wrong, though it was confusing for a while.'
'What did your parents do after that?'
Jungkook grins.
'Moved churches.'
They go back to looking through the photographs and it does help Jimin grasp it a little, but at the same time he starts to find it increasingly overwhelming. It’s so clear how much time, effort and money everybody at Everdawn puts into what they do and Jimin feels like he doesn’t know how to do the same.
'Do you think it would help if you saw mine?' Jungkook cuts into his thoughts and Jimin glances up to find him looking at him.
'What?'
'My costume. Would it help you get the vibes maybe? Cause I think it all looks a lot better in real life.'
'Oh, well, yeah? OK? If you want to show me.' Jimin shrugs, not really sure how it will help.
'I always want to show people. I'd dress like this all the time, but my mom hates it when I wear my elf ears when we go out.'
He sighs dramatically as he gets to his feet and Jimin can't help but laugh.
Though, he'd hate it too. He's warming up to this world Jungkook is showing him but he very much wants it to stay hidden and confined to the walls of Jungkook's house.
'Wait here then.' Jungkook vanishes into his walk-in closet.
While he's in there Jimin runs his fingers over the pages of the notebooks Jungkook had spread in front of him.
They're filled with all his lore for Everdawn. Years and years of story, of character design. Of passion and imagination.
Now, the last few pages are all Jimin's.
Sketches of his possible costumes, the pants and the hood, the drapey shirt for the evenings. Then endless notes in spidery black ink, all Jungkook's thoughts and plans, but many of Jimin's too. Jungkook takes all of his ideas seriously even when Jimin can tell they’re not what he’d choose himself, he always tries to find a way of incorporating them.
Nobody has ever focused so much on Jimin in his life. Nobody has been so genuinely interested in him, so excited to share something with him.
Perhaps Jungkook is just passionate about Everdawn not Jimin, but it feels good all the same.
'Well, here I am.'
Jimin snaps his head up at Jungkook's simple words.
And then stares at him in silence, because Jungkook looks fucking hot.
He’s wearing fitted, dark pants, tucked into leather boots, a deep purple tunic and a leather jacket over the top. The jacket is beautiful, slightly cropped but with wide leg of mutton sleeves, laced up from the cuffs to the shoulder. There’s a thick leather belt around his waist with a holster for a sword.
‘I have a lot of other kit, this is only to give you an idea,’ he gestures at his waist, ‘I have bottles and ingredients for here, and my sword and staff obviously, oh and more jewelry.’
While he rattles off the list of missing accessories, Jimin just stares.
Jungkook might not have put everything on but he has put on his elf ears, and they look good. Somehow they compliment his features, his wide eyes and cheekbones and they look striking. Almost beautiful.
And Jimin has a little moment of realisation regarding his gay awakening.
‘Oh God, Jungkook,’ he murmurs, ‘I had a crush on Legolas.’
‘What?’ Jungkook looks up with a frown, hand hovering over his belt.
‘Legolas. I had a crush on Legolas.’ Jimin sits up, biting his lip. ‘I was only like ten first time I saw the films so I just thought I liked Orlando Bloom, but then I saw him in other things and meh…but uh, I'm realizing it was Legolas. My first crush.’
‘You’re realizing that while looking at me?’ Jungkook asks, still frowning and Jimin shoots his head up, eyes wide at the implication of what he just said.
‘No!’ He coughs, ‘just the, uh, elf ears. Triggered a memory or something I guess.’ He can feel his cheeks heating up but Jungkook just smiles and nods genially.
‘Oh. Yeah. That makes sense.’
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
Jungkook hasn't spent so much time with any one person (aside from his parents or Tae) since he last tried to have a boyfriend, an exercise which he decided within two weeks was more effort than the payoff was worth.
But here he is in the passenger seat, jittery with excitement, as he and his dad drive to meet Jimin at Paston’s, their usual fabric outlet.
They’d already spent the day together yesterday, but when Jungkook said they’d go buy fabric in the morning Jimin had wanted to come too.
This will only be the fifth time they’ve hung out, but they’ve talked a lot more, almost every day, and yesterday Jimin stayed at his house for hours. Jungkook feels a greediness for him that he isn’t used to, as if he would be happy just to follow Jimin around and be in his orbit.
His dad smiles at him, hands sliding over the steering wheel.
‘Jimin seems nice.’ He says.
‘He is very nice.’
They grin at each other.
When they pull into the parking lot, Jimin hops out of a car a few spaces down and then jogs over, bowing at them both.
‘Thanks for letting me tag along.’
‘Of course,’ Jungkook’s dad smiles, ‘it’s for your costume after all!’
‘Ah, I’m so excited!’ Jimin claps his hands together, rising onto the balls of his feet and Jungkook stares at him.
He feels like he stares at him a lot that morning, though he tries not to. He knows he’s not supposed to do that too much. But it’s hard. Jimin flickers to life in the over-packed fabric warehouse, like a spark is lit under him and he grows and twists until he burns.
They’ve been coming here for years, it’s an inconspicuous place tucked into a rundown retail park and run by an old lady who shuffles between the rolls and rolls of fabric in slippers with surprising agility.
But Jungkook sees it with new eyes as Jimin skips around, his hands permanently outstretched, sinking into all the different textures and rolling his eyes with joy at the sensations, or tugging the ends loose and wrapping them around his shoulders or over his head and posing for a smiling Jungkook.
He barely notices that his dad has melted away, making conversation with the owner at the counter while the two of them trawl the entire place.
‘God, Jungkook, this is so cool.’ Jimin murmurs, up to his forearms in a roll of dark green velvet. ‘I had no idea this was here.’
‘Yeah, we’ve been coming here for a long time.’
‘I don’t have any talent, but if I did, if I could sew or something, I think I could live here.’ He grins. ‘I feel full of ideas.’
He tugs at the velvet, wrapping the corner around his arm like a makeshift sleeve.
‘Tell me some of them?’ Jungkook asks.
Jimin bites his lip, pulls at the velvet again until he has enough loose to draw it over his shoulder. He smooths his palms down it, back and forth.
‘Something structured with this, in contrast to the softness, a jacket with classic sleeves but pointed shoulders, cropped…’ He trails off, smiling. ‘It’s funny isn’t it, we spent hours talking costumes yesterday and I couldn’t really see it at all. But here, touching and seeing and smelling, now I’m excited.’
‘Everybody's brains work differently,’ Jungkook nods seriously, ‘you’re probably a kinesthetic learner. Tactile. Which makes sense actually, you throw your whole body into everything. Like when you laugh.’
‘Ah, you noticed that.’ Jimin grimaces. ‘I’m normally pretty good at reigning it in but sometimes it slips out…’
‘You try to hide your laugh?’ Jungkook asks, frowning, ‘you shouldn’t. It’s lovely.’
Jimin grins, pulling the velvet fabric over the bottom of his face to hide his open mouth, but winking over the top.
‘Come on,’ he smiles, reluctantly rolling it back up, ‘let's get this done. Your dad must be bored out of his mind.’
‘I’m a very physical person too.’ Jungkook adds, as they start walking again. ‘Lots of people assume autistic people don’t like touch. But I do. I need lots of it.’
Jimin peers over his shoulder.
‘Is that one of your sensory things?’
‘Hmm, yeah. I’m hypo-sensitive to touch. And balance and body awareness.’ He nods. ‘It’s why I move a lot. The swaying and tapping and stuff. And hugs, I liked being held.’
Jimin smiles at him, and then turns back around, still wandering between the rolls and rolls of fabric.
‘I like the way you move.’ He says, ‘I find it kind of grounding.’
For the rest of the trip, Jungkook tells him which items they’re looking for fabric for and how they need to move or work, and then Jimin picks out what he wants. At one point, he moons over a soft peachy cream fabric embroidered with bold, colorful flowers. His eyes are like stars as he lets it flow through his fingers, until Jungkook’s dad steps forwards. He takes a little between his fingers too for a moment and then nods.
‘Let’s get some. I know what we can do with this.’ He says and Jimin’s whole face is only a smile.
When they’re done they stand together by the trunk of his dad’s car, stuffed with the bags of fabric, they’re both hovering.
‘Do you…should we go for lunch?’ Jimin asks.
‘I need to get back, son.’ His dad answers. ‘We took a little longer than I planned.’
‘Sorry about that,’ Jimin grins, ‘how about you, Jungkook? I can drive you home after?’
‘Oh, uh, yes. I’ll stay with you.’ He answers, he catches his dad’s eye and nods.
It probably isn’t a good idea, he’s tired and it’s a big break from his routine, but he just wants to stay with Jimin.
They drive out of the retail park, following the tail lights of Jungkook’s dad’s car, until he turns right and they go left because Jimin says he knows a great place on main street.
If he and his dad go for food after they shop for fabric they always go to Taco Bell because it’s right across the way.
Jungkook taps his hand on his knee and tries not to say it out loud. Jimin doesn’t need to know about Taco Bell. It doesn’t matter.
Jimin hums along to the radio.
‘We usually go to Taco Bell.’ Jungkook suddenly blurts. ‘It’s right across from the store.’
‘That’s cool,’ Jimin just smiles, leaning forward a little to check his mirror. ‘This place we’re going to is so nice, they do like these big salad bowls with grains and stuff and the coffee is good.’
Jungkook grimaces, his tapping hand clenching into a fist as he keeps bouncing it on his thigh. Not hitting, but speeding up.
He really hates not knowing the menu of a place before they go. His sense of smell and taste are sensitive and he might hate everything the place serves.
Even worse he might like everything and then no matter how hard he tries to focus he’ll just stare at the words until they jumble up while everybody stares at him expectantly and he isn’t able to choose.
He doesn't really know how to express that to Jimin because his brain is already feeling like the words on a jumbled menu.
So he just repeats:
‘We usually go to Taco Bell.’
He doesn’t notice Jimin shooting a furtive glance at his fist.
‘Would you rather go there?’ He asks.
But Jungkook wouldn’t. He wants to go somewhere nice and new and normal, with Jimin. He screws up his face and shakes his head but that just makes him feel worse because yes actually, he would rather go to Taco Bell.
‘We usually go there.’ He says. ‘It’s right across from the store.’
Jimin is looking at him again, then he flicks his indicator down and changes lanes.
‘That sounds like a good idea,’ he nods, ‘let’s go to Taco Bell.’
They don’t talk as Jimin reroutes and drives back the way they came and Jungkook burns with shame. He feels like a kid.
But at the same time knowing what’s coming next calms him a bit and he knows that’s good because at least then he can clear his head enough to be able to explain.
Jimin isn’t an asshole, he’ll understand if he can find the words to explain.
Anyone worth your time will always be interested in trying to understand.
He’s carried those words– from the lips of the first therapist he didn’t hate –ever since he first heard them, like a talisman.
They sit in a booth in the corner, the one they always do, Jimin hanging back to let him choose like he senses that’s what he’d want.
Jimin frowns at the menu for quite a while then orders the crispy chicken. Jungkook has quesadillas.
‘I’m sorry if I stressed you out earlier,’ Jimin murmurs after their food arrives, playing with his straw, ‘with the different lunch place. Is that…that isn’t something you like?’
‘No I don’t. I’m sorry if it was weird for you.’ He shrugs.
‘It wasn’t. This, uh, the chicken is good.’ Jimin takes a bite.
‘Do you know much about autism?’
‘I’ve read a bit…since we met.’ He nods.
‘Well, everybody is different. That’s the first thing. And– do you mind if I explain? Is that OK?’
‘Yes, of course it is.’ Jimin smiles. ‘Please do, I’d like to understand better.’
‘Ah, I’m…that’s good.’ Jungkook nods jerkily, happy at Jimin’s words and his warm open face. ‘Well, there are lots of different things that impact somebody with autism, I won’t list them, you can look them up, or ask, but the common thing is that overload or loss of control can lead to meltdowns or shutdowns.’ He pauses, rolling words on his tongue to make sure they come out right. ‘I don’t have either very much anymore, mostly because I know how to handle things if I know what’s coming. But it means I really don’t like going somewhere I haven’t before. Not at all in some cases, but definitely not without planning.’
Jimin is listening attentively.
‘So, you didn’t want to eat somewhere else?’
‘I actually did. I wanted to follow you, see a place you liked. But it was all just a little too quick, leaving dad and then just driving off…and I didn’t even know the menu.’
‘Hmm. I see what you mean. It was a lot at once.’
‘It was.’
‘I’m really grateful you let me join you on something you normally do with your dad. That must have been a change too.’
‘That was OK. You seemed to like the fabric place a lot. That made me happy.’
‘Oh I really did like it. I can still feel the ghost of that velvet on my fingertips.’ Jimin almost shudders, placing his hands on the table palm up.
‘Maybe you could learn to sew?’
‘When would I ever have time,’ Jimin smiles wistfully, tucking a hand back under his chin and going back to his food.
They eat quietly for a while and Jungkook feels better. Feels all the little knots and cogs in his head slowly clicking back into place, starting to turn again with the smooth rhythm he’s used to.
‘Jungkook?’
‘Hmm?’
‘We don’t have to talk about it. If you don’t want to. But…you said earlier that you used to struggle more, or you said you don’t have meltdowns so much anymore.’ Jimin bites his lip. ‘That kind of implies you did once. I just wondered– only if you wanted to talk about it…’
‘Hmm, yeah, it wasn’t so good before. School was the worst.’
‘Yeah, I can imagine…’ Jimin frowns. Jungkook nods again.
‘I was angry and frustrated a lot, overwhelmed. I don’t really remember clearly, just spending a lot of time alone, in isolation. Not allowed to be in class. And other kids were horrible and I would try so hard to explain but it was useless and I always ended up crying and then they were just worse.’ His food is long gone, unlike Jimin’s, and he runs his thumbs over the top of the table.
‘School is a brutal place.’ Jimin nods.
‘I really hated it. I was very angry and very lonely.’ He sighs. ‘But I’ve worked really hard since then. My parents were relentless, they never stopped pushing to find things that would help me.’
‘That’s amazing.’
‘Honestly? Sometimes I wished they would give up. I just wanted to curl up and be still, let the stupid world keep turning without me.’
Jimin is looking up at him, eyes searching, an expression Jungkook doesn’t understand.
‘But things are better now?’
‘Mostly. I don’t really push my limits. I’m happy with that. Mostly.’
‘That was two mostlys…’ Jimin’s smile is lopsided, ‘what would you push if you could?’
They’re looking at each other now, across the table.
‘Travel.’ He answers. ‘I can’t travel, basically at all. Definitely not by plane. That makes me sad.’
‘Have you ever?’
Jungkook grimaces then nods.
‘I had to go to Korea, for military service.’ He squeezes his hands into fists on the table, the memory a sour one. ‘I was actually born there, though we moved here when I was two so I don’t remember. But I still have dual nationality. My parents didn’t want me to lose it, that was really important to them, so I had no choice but to go for service. My parents spent months trying to explain, trying to get me an exemption but the only compromise they could get was that I had to go in person to be assessed.’
‘Oh my god, I can’t believe they made you go!’
‘Even the flight was awful. People did not appreciate my yelling. But the actual military base was worse, I was given an exemption but I still had to stay there for three weeks.’ He brings his hands into his lap and squeezes them between his thighs. ‘It was bad. Took them two days to concede and give me a proper exemption. Then I was allowed to live with my parents, at my uncles, and do social work for a month instead. That was much nicer.’
‘Sounds awful. And so gross that nobody listened to you or your parents. Could’ve saved you a lot of pain.’
‘Yes. I had to be given sedatives for the flight home. It was really embarrassing.’
‘I can see why you don’t want to do something like it again…’
‘One day I would like to. My second travel goal is to go to Redwood National Park. I want to see Sequoia.’
‘That would be cool, they’re meant to be amazing.’
‘You haven’t been?’
‘No,’ Jimin scoffs, ‘I’ve barely left the state, never been further than the city when I have.’
‘What? Why?’
‘It’s a big world out there…’ Jimin shrugs, ‘wait, you said second goal– what was the first?’
‘Traveling to Everdawn. It took a few tries.’
In the car home, Jimin hums to the radio again and Jungkook shuts his eyes and listens. He’s tired and the sound is nice, he can focus on it and drown out all the others.
Then it abruptly cuts off.
‘Why did you stop?’ He asks, opening his eyes and rolling his head to look at Jimin.
‘What?’
'The humming?’
‘Oh, I just suddenly realized I was doing it out loud.’ Jimin grins. ‘Must be annoying.’
‘No.’ He shakes his head, closing his eyes again. ‘Don’t hold it in. I liked it.’
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
They’re in the break room, Tae tearing through a grease bottomed bag of take-out fries, Jimin eyeing them over his carefully arranged home-made bento box, and his phone keeps buzzing on the table between them.
He kept it on vibrate so he could catch work messages, but the alert pinging is for whatsapp. He ignores it.
‘Oh for goodness sake, answer the poor boy.’ Tae eventually exclaims.
‘What?’
‘Your phone. Answer Kookie, his plight is making my heart hurt.’
Jimin picks up his phone but just holds it gently in his lap, biting his lip.
‘How do you know it’s Jungkook?’
Tae rolls his eyes.
‘Because nobody but me messages you repetitively like that, and–’ he gestures over his body to indicate his presence in the room. ‘Also, I picked him up from work yesterday and he basically ignored me to send you endless horny pics of elves in leggings. Despite my advice for him to be cool.’
Jimin can’t help smiling as he draws his thumb over his phone screen. It opens straight into the chat with Jungkook.
Some of the pictures Jungkook sends him of costume ideas are undoubtedly horny. He’d assumed that was accidental at first but is becoming less sure.
‘Oh no Jimin, that smile!’ Tae grins, ‘you like him!’
‘What? No!’
‘Pretty sure you do, your eyes just went gooey.’ He points at him accusingly with a limp fry. ‘Although, I can’t confirm because in all our years of friendship I don’t think you’ve ever actually liked somebody before, so I have no comparison.’
‘I liked Patrick.’ Jimin deflects sullenly, stabbing at his rice.
‘Pretty sure you just liked that he was huge.’ Tae wiggles his eyebrows.
He’s annoyingly close to the truth. Patrick temp-ed in their finance department for six months last year and was clearly tall and broad enough to fling Jimin over his shoulder with ease. It contributed a great deal to his appeal. Jimin never got to test out the reality of it, instead just enjoying burning Tae’s ears with the fantasy for months, but when Patrick vanished off back to the city Jimin didn’t exactly pine for him.
Tae doesn’t push, just munches on his fries while Jimin shoots off a quick reply to Jungkook then puts his phone away again. The silence is companionable, but Jimin twitches with things unsaid.
‘Would it be OK?’ He cracks eventually. ‘If I did like him, I mean?’
‘Well it would certainly please me a lot, combining my faves into one would be very efficient honestly.’
‘No, I mean…’ Jimin stabs at his lunch again, ‘you know, because Jungkook is neuro-divergent…is that– dating him, I mean…’
He trails off struggling with the right words to use, looking up he finds the warmth dimmed on Tae’s face, his eyes burning back across the small space between them.
‘You’re a smart dude, I’m going to let you work through this in real time in front of me.’ He says, voice measured. ‘So, please, tell me why Jungkook –an adult –might not be an appropriate person for you to be romantically interested in?’
Jimin feels heat rush to his cheeks.
‘I’m just asking…does he date, I mean–’ He cuts off, Tae’s glare not faltering at all.
‘Go on, tell me why it wouldn’t be OK?’
‘Alright! God Tae, point made. I was just asking…I’m not–’ he cuts off again, sighing.
Tae settles a little, pokes his nose into the takeaway bag and snatches out a few more fries.
‘Fine, fine. I’ll let you off this one time.’ He waves his hand. ‘And just to be clear I’m pretty sure Jungkook gets more dick than you do.’
Jimin snorts, happy to feel the tension between them breaking.
‘I’ve no doubt about that.’ He smiles. ‘God, you weren’t joking were you? When you said to try you if I messed with him?’
Tae stuffs a fry in his mouth and drags his thumb across his throat in an exaggerated gesture.
‘Nope.’
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
'Hey Kook.'
'Hey.'
'So. I had a thought. And really, really tell me if you don't want to–'
'but–'
'Ha. Yeah…but I was wondering if maybe tomorrow, instead of me coming to yours, if you wanted to come to mine?'
'Ah…oh.'
'It's OK if it's too much! Really. I just thought maybe it would be nice to be out? And it's just me, just my boring little apartment, so we can do whatever you want to feel comfortable there?'
'Oh. Jimin. Yeah, that sounds good. I can come to yours.'
'Ah, that's great. Do you like BBQ?'
'Why?'
'Well, my parents have a place in Palisades, I'm going to see them in the morning and I thought I could bring food back?'
'That's…nice…but I–'
'I can send you over a menu now? And you can pick whatever and that's what I'll get. Yeah?'
'Yeah. OK. That works…I can't believe you asked me if I like BBQ…'
'My deepest apologies.'
'Are accepted.'
'OK. Ah I'm glad you're coming over, Kook. I've got to go now, but message me anything else you need from me to help. Pictures of the apartment, itinerary, my blood type…anything, OK?'
'I really don't need your blood type! Send me the menu now though.'
'Sure. Right. See you tomorrow then.'
'Yeah bye.'
'Bye!'
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
Tae hini: jk has a date
Hoe bean: omg it's the one he's luring to ED isn't it
J kooker: it isn't a date
Nam juice: do you know that?
Nam juice: have you actually asked?
Nam juice: always best to clarify!
Gin: do you want it to be a date
Gin: that's the more important q
Tae hini: he absolutely does
Tae hini: jimin is like all of his wet dreams rolled into one
J kooker: exactly. never going to happen
Gin: you know your name doesn't really work
Gin: or it's not very funny anyway
Gin: should've just gone with cook ffs
Hoe bean: yours is just gin??!
Gin: which is fucking GENIUS
Gin: come on now
Gin: will admit hoe bean is cute though
Gin: it suits you
Hoe bean: thank you
Nam juice: where are you going on your date JK?
kook: not a date
kook: his house
Gin: you need to change it to COOK
Gin: jesus
Tae hini: mimi said he was going home to take a bath tonight
Tae hini: so it's defs a date
Cook: but we're meeting tomorrow?
Cook: there's no correlation?
Cook: why would a bath have anything to do with a date
Tae hini: men only bathe before dates
Hoe bean: WAT
Nam juice: that's wrong
Nam juice: i love baths
Gin: he even has a little dory bath toy
Nam juice: ??
Gin: don't ?? me
Tae hini: we all know about dory
Cook: baths are a bit disgusting
Tae hini: picture Jimin in his bath right now
Tae hini: tell me that’s disgusting
Tae hini: all bubbly and warm and soft and
Hoe bean: wet
Suga: please don't give him a semi
Suga: we're already tanking this round
Gin: oh look who it is
Tae hini: so food and drink was a hit
Tae hini: what names shall we do next?
Hoe bean: porn stars
Nam juice: oh that works!
Suga: :|
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
Jungkook’s face looms on the little fish eye camera of Jimin’s apartment buzzer.
He’s bouncing, his face popping in and out of view. Jimin smiles at him then presses the access button and leans down to speak through the mic.
‘Wait, Kook, I’ll come down for you.’
‘OK!’
Jimin kicks on his slides and tugs his door open, jogging down the hall to the elevator.
It’s Halloween next weekend and people have already decorated. Someone has gone a little overboard and sprayed fake cobwebs on the mirrors in the elevator, as well as stuck a few paper bats in there.
When the doors ping open on the ground floor Jungkook is hovering right on the other side, his thumbs tucked into the straps of his backpack.
‘Hello! Your apartment is fancy. I brought my laptop and all of my notebooks.’ He nods.
The apartment is quite fancy, more than Jimin should spend, the compromise being that his is the tiniest lot in the whole building.
He sticks his arm out, gesturing at the space in the elevator, and Jungkook nods and steps in.
‘Nice bats.’
‘Yeah, I’ve never got to the bottom of who it is but somebody is super into all holidays. They decorate the communal spaces constantly.’ Jimin smiles.
‘It’s nice.’
‘Was it OK getting here?’
‘Mom drove me.’
‘Cool.’
They fall silent, it’s a little awkward but then the elevator pings and the doors roll open.
Jungkook hovers behind him up the hall, and while he unlocks the door, and then steps blinking into his entrance way, thumbs still tucked into his backpack.
‘Where’s the fire escape?’ He asks just as Jimin goes to lock the door.
‘Left out of here,’ he gestures down the hall, ‘the door by the trash shoot.’
‘Thanks.’
‘No problem. Do you, uh, want to look around? You’re welcome to.’
‘Yes please.’
Jungkook takes the invitation a lot more seriously than Jimin expected him to. He thought he’d poke his nose into the bedroom and bathroom, maybe the built-in closets in the entrance way.
Instead he conducts a full apartment inspection.
'Oh my god you're messy too! I'm so happy about that!'
‘Am I?’ Jimin grimaces.
He will admit that he mostly keeps his living space nice and doesn’t care so much about his bedroom and bathroom…but messy seems a bit much.
They’re standing in his bedroom doorway, surveying the cramped little space.
‘Yes. Absolutely.’ Jungkook points accusingly at the overflowing laundry and then at several different bits of crockery scattered around the room. ‘To think, my mom made me tidy up for you and you wouldn't have even noticed if I hadn’t.’
‘I wouldn’t?’
‘Well you clearly didn’t notice this. Or think you should tidy up for me, so, yes.’
‘I actually did! I just didn’t expect the full snoop.’ Jimin scoffs.
‘Oh. Am I being awkward?’ Jungkook’s face falls. ‘I’m sorry I just– you said I could look around.’
‘And you can. I meant it. The snoop comment was a joke.’
‘You’re sure?’
‘Yup, snoop away.’
Maybe Jimin should have more in his bedroom that he’d be embarrassed about Jungkook seeing, but he doesn’t.
The funny thing is that he wouldn’t let anybody else in here, maybe not even Taehyung. Because his computer is in here. It barely fits in the tiny space and would be much better suited to the living room. But then he would’ve had to make it more palatable to be seen by boring colleagues for evening drinks. Or the very, very few dates he’s ever brought home.
Instead, tucked in the corner of his bedroom, he has his computer exactly as he wants it. No shame about his two monitors or razer keypad and mouse, not even the pink headphones with little cat ears that are hooked over the back of his chair.
Jungkook has picked them up, holding them loosely in his hands with a look of disbelief on his face.
‘These are…not what I would expect you to have.’
Jimin flushes a little but plays it off.
‘They’re cute.’ He shrugs and Jungkook nods jerkily but his eyes are comically wide.
Once Jungkook has finished examining every last inch of his little apartment they sit on the couch and eat the food Jimin brought from his parents restaurant, which Jungkook heartily approves of and finishes off Jimin’s as well as his own and all the sides.
Then they sit cross legged on the floor, notebooks spread on the coffee table and Jungkook’s laptop whirring in front of them.
Jimin’s character is basically complete.
He’s an elf. An archer. He’s going to be discovered in the forest outside of Serren, the main village of Everdawn, after fleeing from his own village across the mountains and being found by scouts.
All his costume design is finished; two outfits basically designed by Jungkook are being made up by his dad as they speak. The custom bow and arrow Jungkook helped him order arrived a few days ago and is leant behind Jimin’s TV, with a set of real replica arrows and a set with foam tips for when they actually play.
It had been surprisingly expensive, a lot of the stuff had been. Jimin had in turn been surprised how little he cared.
All that’s left for them to decide on is his name.
They’re down to two.
It’s one of the few things Jungkook hasn’t imposed himself upon too much.
‘Names are important, you have to like it the most.’ He said.
So now Jungkook is fiddling around with something else on the laptop, assisting the gamemaster with plans for next weekend, and Jimin is doodling flowers around the two possible names in a notebook. They have to submit everything by tomorrow so that it can be approved in time.
He sighs.
‘Jungkook?’
‘Hmm?’
‘Do you, uh, want a drink?’
‘I’m not thirsty,’ he shakes his head, ‘oh, or you mean alcohol?’
‘Yes. I have beer in the fridge. Or I could open some wine. Do you drink?’
‘You’re bored, aren’t you?’ Jungkook turns to him with a smile.
‘A bit. I really am trying, I’m sorry.’ He sighs. ‘But maybe a little drink would help get the creative juices flowing, you know?’
‘Fuck it, yeah let’s have some wine. But just know I will be checking in on you all week to make sure you’re doing the reading.’ Jungkook grins. ‘There might even be a pop quiz on the rules and lore.’
Jimin is halfway to the kitchen to get the wine before he even finishes speaking.
They sink through the bottle surprisingly fast. Jungkook invents a drinking game around quizzing Jimin on the different races and peoples of Everdawn. But Jimin has always had a brain that holds these kinds of details and even when they switch to whisky and the questions progress to what Jungkook describes as genius level, Jimin still aces.
And he revels in the proud, happy expression that spreads across Jungkook’s face.
He could wonder why he’s trying so hard, caring so much and pouring so much money into something he’s sworn blind he’ll only do once.
That he’s only doing it at all because he was too chicken to get out of it.
‘I can’t believe anyone actually likes this unironically.’
That’s what he’d said to Tae, the first week after he met Jungkook. And it dawns on him then, as he folds himself onto the couch with a dramatic flop, that he’s still been saying that to himself this whole time.
That he isn’t really into this.
Doesn’t really mean it.
‘Jungkook?’ He murmurs, sunk into the cushions, as Jungkook takes his seat across from him, whisky glass in his palms. ‘Can I show you why I spend stupid money on this tiny little apartment?’
‘Yes, you can.’ He nods.
‘I have to turn the light off, is that OK?’
‘Uh, what are you going to do? I don’t want to be in the dark without knowing.’
‘OK.’ Jimin pushes himself up. ‘I’m not going to do anything. I just want to show you the view. You don’t have to move, and I’ll just sit back down next to you. Is that OK?’
Jungkook frowns, but then he nods and draws his feet up so he’s cross legged.
Jimin hops over to the light switch.
‘You ready? It won’t go dark I promise, you’ll adjust to the light outside quickly.’
‘OK. Ready.’
Jimin grins and flicks the switch off.
It’s really dark for a second and then, as he promised, their eyes adjust and the illuminated city leaks into the apartment.
One wall of Jimin’s apartment is made up of floor to ceiling windows, facing over the river. The couch faces it, even though that makes watching the TV awkward, because the view out of the window is eighty percent of the reason Jimin rented the apartment.
When the air is clear, sitting on his couch, it’s possible to see the New York City skyline in the distance, framed between two buildings across the street.
‘What’re we looking at?’ Jungkook whispers.
‘The city.’
‘That’s it?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Oh.’
Jimin snorts out a laugh at how obviously underwhelming Jungkook is finding this big reveal.
‘I always wanted to move there. Always planned to.’ Jimin says.
‘Don’t you want to anymore?’
‘I do…’
‘You said it like you won’t though.’
‘I’m…scared.’
‘Of what?’
Jimin takes a gulp of his drink.
‘Of it not being a dream anymore if I do.’ He answers. ‘Cause what if it’s rubbish? Then what will I wish for? At least if I just keep on sitting here staring at it, it gets to stay beautiful.’
Jungkook turns to look at him, a frown on his face, and Jimin pretends he can’t see it and keeps staring out of the window at the little blurry line of skyscrapers on the horizon.
‘We both know this town’s a shithole,’ Jimin sighs. ‘If I never get back to Hackensack, it’ll be alright with me. Right?’
‘That’s a dumb song by an old man.’ Jungkook shakes his head. ‘I prefer: And if you ever get back to Hackensack, I'll be here for you.’
And then he sings a little of it, his voice surprisingly soft and sweet.
And I will wait for you
As long as I need to
And if you ever get back to Hackensack
I'll be here for you
Jimin leans his head against the back of the couch and shuts his eyes.
‘You have a pretty voice, Kook.’
Jungkook snorts, and the silence falls around them.
‘Jimin? Please tell me if I’m being rude but I think you’re lonely.’
‘What?’ He jerks his head up in Jungkook’s direction, letting out an incredulous laugh.
‘Sorry. But I do. I mean, you only see me or Tae, aside from your parents, and you hate your job, and this town, and you never mention guys or anything.’ He waffles. ‘This is the third saturday in a row you’ve spent with me, you’re clearly not dating anyone. You just don’t seem happy. I think you’re lonely.’
Jimin stares at him, kind of in disbelief. And also trying not to feel sad that Jungkook doesn’t view this as a date.
It isn’t. They never said it was. But the more relaxed they got, the more they laughed, then the more it felt a little like one.
Only to him though, clearly.
‘Maybe I’m just really, really enthusiastic about Everdawn.’ He deflects.
‘I know you are. More than you thought you would be as well. But you had a lot of space available for me to fill up.’ Jungkook says.
Jimin chuckles again and downs his drink.
‘Well, I don’t date.’ He answers– another kind of deflection– and stands. ‘You want another?’
Jungkook nods and hands over his empty tumbler.
‘Why don’t you?’ He asks him, as Jimin takes his seat again.
‘Maybe it’s like the New York skyline, better just as a dream.’ Jimin laughs.
‘That’s too metaphorical for me. Please be less poetic.’
Jimin knows that he can deflect again, but he kind of does want to talk about it. To someone, maybe anyone, but maybe particularly Jungkook.
He’s spent his whole life avoiding saying things in plain words. There’s something cathartic about trying to.
‘I find dating overwhelming. I don’t like opening up to people. People always expect more from me than I even know about myself. And, uh, I’m a twenty-six year old virgin and a lot of men find that way too weird to deal with…’
‘What?’
‘You heard me.’
'You're really a virgin?'
'Uh, yeah…'
'Wow!' Jungkook bursts into laughter.
Jimin clicks his tongue.
'Well thanks! God.' He grimaces.
'No, no. Sorry. I'm not laughing at you…but at us I guess? We're the wrong way around! I'm the awkward autistic one, but I've actually had lots of sex. And you're this, like, cool, sexy, confident person and you've had none.'
He keeps laughing. Jimin's mouth twitches.
'Pathetic isn't it…' He sighs.
'No, not really. You should only have sex if you want to and with people you like.'
Jimin smiles over at him. Those words are so simple, in fact they sound like a direct quote of something his parents probably told him, but they're also perfect in their simplicity.
'You know what, you're right.' Jimin looks at him. 'Maybe I just haven't met my person.'
Jungkook whips his head towards him and they stare at each other.
'Well, ah, maybe you will now. Maybe you have now. Maybe, um, you should look harder.'
'Mm. Yeah. Maybe.' Jimin shrugs, a wry smile on his face. 'So, you've had loads of sex, huh?'
'Well, yes. I like it a lot.' He nods earnestly. 'Although, I sometimes think maybe people just want to have sex with Thalin, not Jungkook. But then I don't really mind because sex is sex so…'
Jimin snorts.
'I'm sure that's not true.' He smiles. 'I think Jungkook is just as awesome as Thalin.'
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
Jimin wakes up with more of a hangover than he should have and groans a little as he drags himself out of bed.
He’d offered for Jungkook to sleep on the couch but he hadn’t wanted to stay, taking a cab home instead. He kind of rushed off though, at the end, as if he suddenly got tired or reached his social limit.
One minute they were sprawled on the couch, the next he was gone.
When Jimin plonks down, coffee cup in his palms, his eyes fall on Jungkook’s laptop, still sitting on the coffee table. He takes a picture of it and pings it over to Jungkook.
[Jimin 10:02] you need this?
[Jimin 10:02] I can drop it off
[Jungkookie 10:03] PLEASE
[Jungkookie 10:03] mom won’t bring me
[Jimin 10:03] ha. Lucky i’m nice then
[Jimin 10:03] be there about 11
When he pulls into his driveway, Jungkook is on the front lawn with Tae and another guy. Tae is sprawled on the grass and the other two are sword fighting.
Jimin balks, pausing before he gets out of the car to look up and down the street. It’s quiet, aside from a group of guys, maybe college aged, playing football on the lawn of the house directly opposite.
They make quite the contrast; the guys playing football in sweatpants and college jerseys, to Jungkook, who is wearing his elf ears and his opponent, who is in a long sweeping cape.
Jimin internally cringes as he steps out of the car, laptop tucked under his arm.
Only Tae looks up when he says hi, the other two are too immersed in their sparring. Jimin hovers awkwardly, shaking his head when Tae pats the grass next to him.
‘I can’t stay, I’ll just leave this for Kook.’ He wiggles the laptop.
‘They’ll be done in a sec.’
‘Cool.’
The other two seem to be taking the sword fight incredibly seriously, glowering at each other and making increasingly dramatic noises as they strike. But their weapons are large and clunky, made of foam and so clearly fake that Jimin can’t see past them.
Everytime they make a particularly loud noise he shoots a few furtive glances over at the other lawn, where the game of football is still in motion. The sight of them makes an anxious little knot in his belly. He’s just waiting for one of them to decide there’s better sport to be had across the street.
‘Jimin!’ He looks up to see Jungkook grinning at him, happy and sweaty, his opponent dying dramatically at his feet.
‘Hi.’
‘This is perfect, you need some combat training!’ Jungkook grins.
‘Oh, uh, no…I can’t stay. Just brought this.’ He holds out the laptop and Jungkook steps forwards to take it.
‘But yesterday you said you weren’t busy today? We don’t have to take long, but you need it.’
‘Something came up, with my dad, so–’
‘Well, this is Yoongi, he’s a swordmaster so he’d be perfect to help you, just for a tiny bit?’
‘I can’t Jungkook, I have to go now.’ He’s already backing away to the car. ‘It’s nice to meet you though, Yoongi.’
‘Likewise.’ He nods.
Over his shoulder Tae is giving him one of his looks.
‘You really can’t stay?’ Jungkook pouts.
‘I’m sorry.’
As he drives home he thinks of the chalk marks all over Jungkook’s front path and realizes for the first time what they were, they must use them to practice fighting moves and stances.
Right there, in front of everybody on the street.
For some reason he can’t stop thinking about them, the little marks and swirls and dots dance behind his eyes until he falls asleep.
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
[Jungkookie 14:32] dad needs to do a final fit on your costumes
[Jungkookie 14:32] can you go around tonight?
[Jungkookie 14:32] I’ll be working but he can’t do another time
[Jimin: 15:07] yeah, I can head after work
[Jimin: 15:07] like 6?
[Jimin: 15:07] will it take long?
[Jungkookie 15:09] probably, he’s a perfectionist
[Jungkookie 15:10] and thanks
[Jungkookie 15:10] and please call me after I want to know what you think
Jungkook’s mom can hardly hide her grin as she ushers Jimin through their house to the small back room which is essentially devoted to Jungkook’s stuff for Everdawn.
They’ve spent a lot of time here, but tonight it looks a little different. One of the tables has been cleared and spread with fabric, there are boxes of threads and scraps and sewing tools littered everywhere. Jungkook’s dad is hunched over a sewing machine with a pin stuck in his teeth and behind him is a mannequin with a sheet thrown over it.
‘I’ll make tea?’ Jungkook’s mom smiles and Jimin feels warm when her husband answers in Korean, not even looking up from the whirring machine.
Jimin approaches the mannequin, hand outstretched to peek at what’s underneath.
‘Not that one!’ Jungkook’s dad turns, machine paused, ‘this one first.’
Jimin nods and instead waits patiently by his side, looking idly about the room. It’s stuffed full of things; weapons, costumes, props.
Jungkook’s dad sews a few more adjustments and then tugs the piece off the machine.
‘Here,’ he passes the shirt over to Jimin. ‘The shoulder piece and hood are over there with the pants.’
When he’s dressed, Jungkook’s dad pushes him out into the hall so he can see himself in the full length mirror there.
Jimin just stares. The outfit is his main one; high waisted black leather pants, a black tunic tucked into them and then a cropped shoulder piece made of silvery green velvet, with wide sleeves and an oversized hood.
‘The ears and make-up and boots and things will make a big difference.’ Mr. Jeon nods. ‘But you look good, right?’
‘Yeah.’ Jimin nods.
He wants to be more effusive, but all he can do is stare. He does look good, the tailoring is impeccable, but he also looks like somebody else.
‘Come back in here then, I want to do some adjustments to the pants.’
Jimin follows and stands still while Jungkook’s dad fusses with the details, just like Jungkook said he would.
It takes nearly an hour and two cups of tea for him to be happy with Jimin’s main outfit, which comes with two of the black shirts so he can change on the second day.
‘OK, now for the best bit.’ He finally grins. ‘Jungkook assures me this will be appropriate for the more social aspects of the weekend.’
He pulls the sheet off the mannequin and Jimin gasps.
Underneath is a long, white cotton shirt with a low cut neckline– beautiful in its simplicity– but draped over it is a flowy robe made with the embroidered cream fabric that Jimin had lusted after at the warehouse. It’s styled somewhere between a robe and a kimono, but also softly tailored to be in keeping with the fantasy, medieval style of Everdawn.
‘You can wear them with your leather pants,’ Mr Jeon nods, ‘I think you could wear the undershirt tucked in or out, whichever you prefer.’
‘These are gorgeous!’ Jimin rushes forwards, rubbing the fabric between his fingers in shock. ‘How on earth have you done all this in so little time?’
‘The joys of retirement I guess.’ He laughs. ‘I saw how you looked at that material at Paston’s. You have good taste, it’s beautiful. Now put it on, I’m dying to see.’
When he does, Jimin can barely bear to look at himself in the mirror.
The costume is one of the most beautiful things he’s ever seen. The under shirt is exactly the right color for his skin tone, complimenting him but not competing with the kimono worn over the top which is clearly the main event. The piece itself is exactly the right cut, flattering him perfectly and also complying to the fantasy dress code at Everdawn. It hangs off him just right and he can tell it would flow and hang beautifully as he moved or danced.
All together the outfit is soft and beautiful but also not too feminine with the addition of his leather pants, just a beautiful, ethereal something other, that is exactly Jimin’s dream style.
He looks in awe at Jungkook’s dad, not knowing how he created something so perfect with so little direction from Jimin, and still not finding the words to give appropriate thanks.
‘I want to re-hem that shirt. It’ll make it look better with the pants.’ He points at Jimin.
Jimin just follows him back into the room, wordlessly.
‘It’s really cool,’ Jimin eventually cuts into the silence, while Jungkook’s dad crouches before him pinning the front of the shirt. ‘That you can sew like this, that you make the costumes and stuff. It’s really cool.’
Mr Jeon looks up at him for a moment, then goes back to re-hemming the front of Jimin’s shirt.
‘Jungkook didn’t always used to be like he is now.’ He says. ‘Has he ever talked much about it? About school?’
‘Yeah, a bit.’
‘He was totally different. Things got worse as he got older and people were worse to him too. High school was brutal.’ He speaks simply, but Jimin can hear the weight in his voice. ‘By his senior year he barely talked, but he used to get so angry he hurt himself. Had no friends but Taehyung– god love him– but even he couldn’t be around much when Jungkook was bad. He was a shell. We had no idea how to get through to him. Then he found Everdawn and he just…bloomed.’ He’s stopped pinning now, instead resting his hands on his knees. ‘Slowly, he became a totally different person.’
Jimin smiles at him, warm and sad all at once.
‘The people at Everdawn are good people, they let my son be who he needs to be and he’s happy.’ Mr Jeon nods. ‘So, I learned to sew. And I learned to sword fight. And I watch all their videos on YouTube. Just like them, I would do anything to meet my son where he needs me to.’
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
Jimin clicks back and forth between the last two tabs on his screen and bites his lip. He cannot make a decision. He flicks his eyes over to the other side of the office at Tae and grimaces.
Tae will definitely help, but the cost will be a lot of teasing.
With a sigh Jimin snaps his laptop closed, gets to his feet and trudges over to him.
Tae raises an eyebrow.
‘Uh oh Jimin, it isn’t break time, what could you possibly want?’ He grins.
‘Shut up.’ He places his laptop before Tae and leans over him to open it. ‘Help me.’
‘Oh, that’s pretty!’ Tae exclaims, looking at the screen.
It shows a custom ear cuff in the shape of a snake curling around the ear, its head tucked in front of the tragus, mouth open in a hiss.
‘Is it better than this one?’ He changes the tab to the other cuff, this time made up of two dragon wings.
Tae looks up at him curiously.
‘Better for who…’ His face splits into a shit-eating grin. ‘I feel like you wouldn’t be asking me if this was for you, right?’
‘Yes, yes, well done genius.’ Jimin rolls his eyes. ‘I wanted to get Jungkook a present…for helping me with my character and everything. He’s put in so much effort and been really sweet and…well, I just know I’m going to pick the wrong one. Despite my crash course there’s going to be some lore behind why he couldn’t possibly wear dragon symbolism or something and if I want it to be ready before we go I need to order it now and go pick it up and–’
‘--the snake.’
‘Yeah?’
‘Definitely the snake.’ Tae nods. ‘Your hunch was correct. Thalin actually draws some of his ancient magic from a serpent familiar. Kookie will jizz his pants over this, it’s gorgeous.’
‘Oh good.’ Jimin feels relief flood over him, happiness too. ‘This store makes really nice stuff, I’m kind of tempted by some of it too.’
‘Do it. Indulge your inner goth, we both know she’s crying to be free.’
‘Sure.’ He retrieves his laptop and stands to leave. ‘Thanks though. For real.’
Tae just waves him off.
Jimin is truly grateful though, no more so than when he goes to pick the cuff up the next day on his lunch hour (bothering with a hideous drive into the city that he hates to admit he wouldn’t do for just anyone) and it’s even more beautiful than he hoped.
He’s seeing Jungkook tomorrow to drive to Everdawn but he can’t wait. He also feels like he’d rather give the present to Jungkook while they’re alone, than under Taehyug’s beady glare.
[Jimin 16:47] if I pick you up from work, do you want to get dinner together?
[Jungkook 16:55] as long as we can go to IHOP
[Jimin 16:56] ugh. IHOP???
[Jungkook 16:56] I said what I said
[Jimin 16:56] I’ll see you at 6
Despite his very extended lunch break, by five thirty Jimin has got everything wrapped up at work, and even a few things prepped for the morning, so he drives over to Target and parks, texting Jungkook to tell him where he is.
When he emerges, Jungkook looks annoyingly cute in his uniform and little cap.
‘Red’s your color.’ Jimin smiles as Jungkook drops into the passenger seat.
‘Joke or serious?’ He asks, looking down at his bright red uniform.
‘I was joking. But I’ve changed my mind, you actually do look nice in it.’
‘Thanks.’ Jungkook taps the dash impatiently. ‘Lets go! I know exactly what I want.’
‘Yessir.’
But they don’t have what he wants.
And Jungkook doesn’t handle it well.
Jimin watches how his whole body changes, how his head dips, covered by a frown, and his fists clench.
His voice raises steadily as he keeps repeating his original order to the waiter, however patiently she tries to explain it isn’t possible.
‘But I looked at the menu before we came. That’s what I want.’ He finally says, moving one of his clenched fists to his thigh and hitting it.
Jimin wants to melt into the sticky plastic bench he’s sitting on, and can't bear to look up at the waiter and take in their expression.
He doesn’t know what he’ll do if Jungkook has a meltdown.
By now he thought that he would, that he would know the right thing to say and do, to deflect before things got bad. Instead he feels shame and fear pool in his gut and his tongue just goes heavy in his mouth.
He looks at his hands, willing Jungkook just to pick anything and let the waiter go. He’s about to intervene and just order something for him when the waiter taps him on the shoulder.
‘Shift up a sec.’ She smiles and Jimin stares at her, confused, but does what she says. ‘Thanks.’ She smiles and then sits down next to him. She places her notepad down on the table and turns all her attention to Jungkook across the table. ‘OK, so what you want to eat isn’t possible, we don’t have the ingredients so we can’t make it. I’m really sorry about that. So, if you want to still eat, you need to pick something else. But don’t worry, we’re not in a hurry, OK? I’m going to sit here and you can take a moment to look at the menu again. If you want me to help you pick something else I can, if not I’ll just sit here and take the opportunity to have a little break on my phone. No rush, OK? Think about what you want.’
Jungkook keeps his head down for a beat, then Jimin sees him take a little breath and return a sharp jerky nod. He sits for a good minute before he reaches out for the menu.
Every second of the minute feels long to Jimin. He’s crawling out of his skin with awkwardness. The waiter seems pretty relaxed, leaning happily back against the seat, flicking through her phone and calmly waiting for Jungkook to pick something else, but Jimin spends the entire time in turmoil trying to decide if he’s supposed to make conversation with her or just sit there in silence too.
‘Is there anything else that isn’t available?’ Jungkook mutters after a bit, casting a furtive glance up at her.
‘Nope. Sorry you had such rotten luck with your choice before.’
‘That’s OK. Thank you for helping me. I’ll have the buttermilk chicken and fries please. And a coke.’
She leans over and writes it on her pad.
‘Excellent, thanks sweetheart. I’ll bring your drinks right over.’
After she’s gone, they sit in an awkward silence that Jimin isn’t sure whether he’s supposed to break. By the time she comes back with their drinks, Jungkook seems better and smiles up at her, giving her a thumbs up, before taking a deep pull on his straw.
Jimin looks out across the floor of the restaurant to where she’s already talking to another table, half bent over laughing. He’s kind of in awe of her and her ability to talk to everybody. How she responded to Jungkook was perfect.
'Jimin, I really like you, but we can't be friends if you keep doing that.'
'Doing what?' Jimin turns back to where Jungkook sits across the table from him.
'Being embarrassed of me. It makes me feel bad about myself and I'm not going to spend any more of my life feeling like that.'
Jimin’s mouth drops open and he stares at him for a beat, shame coursing hot under his skin.
'No, I, Kook, that isn't–'
'Yes. It is. You were embarrassed how I talked to the waitress. You were embarrassed when I laughed so loudly in Walmart. You were embarrassed when Yoongi and I practiced with our swords on the lawn.'
'Oh.'
What can he say? He was embarrassed all of those times. He didn't realize Jungkook could tell, let alone that he was keeping track.
'See. And I don't like it. I worked hard being OK with who I am. And I really like you, but not more than that's worth.'
'I'm sorry.' Jimin sighs, playing idly with the condensation on his glass. 'You're right. I'm sorry.'
'Ah.’ Jungkook frowns and then starts pulling his jacket on. ‘Well, I'm sad that we can't be friends. I really do like you a lot.'
'No! Wait, Jungkook, don't go. We can be friends.' Jimin blurts and Jungkook pauses, one arm in his jacket, one resting on the table. 'I'm not embarrassed of you, not specifically. I'm just embarrassed. I'm embarrassed about everything. All the time. That's just me.'
'I don't understand the difference. Please explain better.' Jungkook nods.
Jimin smiles at him weakly.
'Uh, you said you used to struggle with that feeling before, right? People making you feel bad. So just remember that feeling and know that's how I'm feeling now. People have always made me feel bad for being who I am too and I'm still trying to get out of that mindset.'
'I see.' Jungkook looks up at him, eyes wide and frowning. ‘Why did people make you feel bad?’
Jimin feels a little tightness around his heart, he digs his nails into his palms. Just a little.
‘The usual rubbish. I didn’t fit in the way you’re supposed to at school. Too soft, too nerdy, too weird. I don’t know. I just know I spent a lot of time trying to be more like what others expected of me. So when I feel like I’m standing out, or doing something embarrassing then I get scared again. I freeze up.’ He sighs. ‘I don’t know if that makes any sense.’
‘It does.’ Jungkook nods. ‘I think it does. People are idiots and it hurts when they’re cruel.’
‘Yeah. It does.’ Jimin smiles softly. 'But maybe I could get better at not caring about what they think, just like you did, if you help me?'
Jungkook's whole face splits into a grin then.
'Ah, my weakness. You know I like helping.' He smiles.
'I know.' Jimin grins back. 'I know you do.'
As they dig into their food, the atmosphere softens back to how it always is, the easy comfortable grace between them that Jimin has leant into so quickly –and yet he still feels a little itch under his skin.
He feels shame about not handling something actually quite trivial so badly. Sadness for upsetting Jungkook, regret that he can’t be the friend he should be and know exactly what to do to help when things like that happen.
‘Kook?’ He asks, breaking the silence between them. ‘How can I help you better when things happen like just now, with the menu? I want to be a good friend, but I just sat there panicking over what to do…’
Jungkook looks up, chewing his food with a small frown on his face.
‘OK. Uh, well, taking time I guess, time and space. Don’t rush me. Explain what’s happening and try to explain why. Sometimes I get frustrated when things change but I don’t see a good reason for it? So explain, if you can.’ He bites his lip, tapping it with his straw. ‘I think maybe there isn’t a perfect response, but it doesn’t help if I feel embarrassed or ashamed on top of what’s going on. I don’t need a savior, I just need the space to be who I am.’
‘So…be more like the waiter? She seemed to know what to do.’
‘Yeah. She was nice. She explained about the food and then let me calm down. And she didn’t seem annoyed or anything, that helped.’
‘OK, I got it,’ Jimin nods, poking the remnants of his food. ‘Be more like her.’
‘Sure,’ Jungkook grins, ‘but if I really flip out, like, you should probably call my dad. He knows what to do. And he knows how to make sure I get restrained properly if I’m being violent.’
Jimin jerks his head up, Jungkook says things like that so casually.
‘That happens?’ He murmurs.
‘Hmm, yeah. I don’t really hurt others. Just myself. But apparently people find it frightening.’ He nods. ‘You don’t have to worry though, it doesn’t happen much. Oh! I know what would be helpful to you! Have you heard of rumbling?’
‘Uh, no–’
‘Rumbling is a way of describing the stage before a meltdown or a shut down. Basically the changes in my behavior that show that’s where things are heading. You should learn those so then you know when to help me. Or call my dad.’ He’s grinning again.
‘You clench your fists,’ Jimin offers, ‘is that one? And you hit or tap yourself.’
‘Yup! That’s right. I stop talking too. Or repeat the same things. Or cross my arms over my body. Sometimes I cry.’ He taps his chin. ‘I think those are the main ones.’
‘OK, I’ll remember, thank you for explaining.’
‘That’s OK.’ Jungkook smiles. ‘What are your signs? For if you’re feeling embarrassed in general but not at me? If I know then I won’t feel upset if you do it.’
Jimin flounders, he has no idea, the feeling just creeps over him and grabs him by the throat.
‘I don’t know…uh–’
‘It’s when your face goes all frozen isn’t it? When you’re even harder to read than normal?’
‘Probably…’ He bites his lips. ‘I think it’s just safe to say I’m never embarrassed of you, Kook, I’m just generally embarrassed.’
‘OK. Well that will do for now. But you should think more on it. It’s a good thing to know about yourself.’ He nods, earnestly.
Jimin grins, because of course he’s right.
They’ve nearly finished eating, Jimin watching Jungkook demolish waffles and ice cream, when he remembers the whole reason he wanted to meet was to give Jungkook his present.
Suddenly, he feels kind of shy about it.
So, it’s with pre-emptive apologies tumbling out of his lips that he finally slides the little box across the table once the food has been cleared.
‘I, uh, got this for you. It isn’t much. I hope it’s OK, and it doesn’t matter if it isn’t. Please tell me, I can easily return it,’ he waffles as Jungkook grabs it excitedly, ‘it’s just a little thing…’ Jungkook flips the box open and looks down at it, not saying anything for a moment and just increasing Jimin’s panic. ‘It’s an ear cuff, I can show you, it fits round your ear, and, uh, you can bend it as well to make it fit better so I thought it would work with you elf ears as well as just regular and–’
‘--it’s a snake.’
‘--uh, yeah. Tae said Thalin draws some of his ancient magic from serpents.’ His voice is whisper quiet at the end.
‘Jimin, this is fucking sick. God. Oh my god. Where is it from?’
‘You like it?’
‘Yes! You thought I wouldn’t? I really like it!’ He’s already pulling it out of the box as he speaks. ‘Is it pewter? It matches my other jewelry.’
‘Yeah…’
‘This is such a good present. Fuck.’
‘It’s a thank you for all the time you’ve put into helping me.’
‘It’s so cool.’ Jungkook grins and hooks the cuff over his ear, not wearing it properly but showing it off. ‘How does it look?’
‘Really good.’ Jimin smiles back. ‘The store I got it from is so nice. I actually got myself some too, look.’
He leans forwards and tucks a stray bit of hair behind his ear to show Jungkook the small silver studs in his own lobes. Jungkook freezes as his eyes hone in on one, then flick to his other ear to see the matching pair.
‘They’re snakes too.’ He says.
‘Yeah? I thought maybe it was a guild thing and that would be best…is that OK? I don’t want to steal your symbol or anything, I can return them if–’
‘--we match.’
‘Uh, yes? Is that OK?’
Jungkook nods furiously.
‘Yes.’
Chapter Text
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
Jimin is nervous. He spends the whole morning nudging his foot into his neat little silver suitcase, which is tucked under his desk, as if it will have suddenly disappeared.
Maybe he wishes it would.
That some disaster could separate him from his gear and mean he couldn’t go after all. But every time he swings his foot the toe of his sneaker hits the suitcase. Still there.
He tries to focus on his inbox, which will be severely impacted by having to take the afternoon off to travel over to Everdawn, as well as Monday. They will get back from the camp on Sunday night but he had pre-empted that he’d want some time to himself to decompress and booked it off in advance.
Jimin wants to leave absolutely minimal unreads when he logs off, but apparently Tae has other ideas.
‘You ready for this little Jimin?’ He crows across the office, striding towards him, and Jimin flinches. Then smiles.
‘Yeah. Lets get it.’
When they pull up outside his house, Jungkook is waiting for them on his front lawn, anticipation pouring out of every cell of his body.
Tae rolls down the window and leans out.
'You all good, Jungkookie?' He smiles.
'Tae there's been an accident on the 8 we'll have to go via the interstate and I really hate that way. I really hate it.'
Tae nods, then unclicks his belt and gets out of the car. He walks over to Jungkook and puts both hands on his shoulders.
'That's OK though, isn't it? Only about ten minutes slower. We have plenty of time.'
'Yes. But then we have to go now because what if there's an accident on this route, then there won't be another option. Not another good option anyway.'
'OK then, go and get your stuff and let's go.'
Jimin sits a little awkwardly in the passenger seat, not sure if he can be of any help at all. He fiddles with his fingers.
Jungkook vanishes into the house to say goodbye and grab his stuff and Tae's face suddenly appears in the open window.
'You need to get in the back, Yoongi already called shotgun.'
'What?' He splutters. 'He's not even here? You can't call shotgun if you can't see the car, that's basic rules!'
'Well, your call Mimi but you probably don't want to start off the weekend with Yoongi hating you, so…'
'Aren't we picking him up on the way? I'll just stay here until we pick him up and–'
'But then his seat will be warm.' Tae shrugs as if that's a totally normal thing to say.
'What? Tae! What the fuck? His seat will be warm?'
Tae just shrugs again. 'Your funeral.'
Jimin gapes at him, but he gets out and moves to the backseat with all his stuff.
'Yoongi called shotgun.' Tae repeats to Jungkook as he appears again and starts stuffing his kit in the trunk. 'Do you feel anxious about the route, Kook? Cause I'll tell him to fuck off if you want to sit up front so you can see the satnav? But you might have more fun in the back with Jimin…'
Jimin pretends he doesn't see Tae's wink.
But he does watch how Jungkook frowns and stares at the car, seeming to decide what he wants to do. His eyes land on Jimin and then he smiles.
'I'll sit with Jimin.' He nods. 'That'll be OK.'
They pick up Yoongi about half an hour out of town. He greets them all and then demands coffee, Tae gripes about Starbucks but gets outvoted– Jungkook flat out refuses a detour for anything better– and they stop at the drive through.
As they carry on, winding out west to the campsite on the other side of New Jersey, Jimin looks at the little cards in his fingers.
Jungkook made them for him and they're beautifully and carefully inked.
One is his character card:
Dalwen Fareanar
Race ~ Elf
Weapon ~ Bow
Abilities ~ novice
Guild ~ Meramarth (acolyte)
There's also a card for their guild:
Meramarth Guild est. 2012
Eryn Raine ‘Fleabeard’ (Namjoon) ~ faun
combat, ax
Aredin (Yoongi) ~ high elf
swordmaster
Estel (Hoseok) ~ spirit
mind
Nuri Isilmirya ‘Tinnúviel’ (Seokjin) ~ high elf
swordmaster
Thalin Calenaha ‘Tokki’ (Jungkook) ~ elf
mage, healer, sword
Kkaebi ‘Bulgae’ (Taehyung) ~ goblin
combat, bludger, chaos
Jungkook had added everybody’s real names alongside their characters so that Jimin wouldn’t forget.
The other cards show the game rules, a key for different coloured headbands players might wear, a crib sheet for combat damage and a map of the site.
The map is particularly beautiful, made with sweeping strokes of deep India ink in greens and purples.
All the cards are punched with a hole in the corner and threaded together with a thick black ribbon so that Jimin can wear them on his belt.
His character, Dalwen, is being ported into the story as a runaway. He's been adopted by the Meramarth guild as an acolyte, a prospective but not permanent member.
Jungkook worked with the gamemaster to make a story for Jimin that works for just one weekend, or many more to come.
And right now Jimin really doesn't know which it will be.
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
For the first hour after arriving Jimin isn't really sure he takes much in.
The camp is beautiful. Everdawn has been going so long it's a permanent site meaning the communal buildings are designed and built in keeping with the medieval fantasy style of the event and never have to be changed or taken down.
When they arrive everything is in a strange halfway state; people are unloading cars, half in costume, half out, various props and other unexplainable items being carted around.
Everdawn is an immersive, twenty-four hour larp, meaning once there everybody stays in character until Sunday evening. But that won't start until four, giving everybody a chance to unpack and change into their costumes.
Which is one of the first steps for Jimin. The character profile they submitted has been approved for play, but his outfits and kit all need sign off too.
Jungkook is clearly nervous about it because he doesn't give Jimin a minute to look around at the cabin they're staying, instead grabbing him and his kit the minute they’ve unloaded their stuff and dragging him to the logistics office on the other side of the camp.
'You know, Kook, you're not the only person that likes to settle and adjust to where they are!' Jimin eventually blurts as he's tugged down another forest path he doesn't recognise.
Jungkook freezes immediately and whips his head around, dropping Jimin's wrist.
'Oh. But we have to get your costume approved.' He says.
'I'm nervous.' Jimin sighs. 'I don't know anyone and you're not even explaining where we're going. Honestly, I really could've done with a bathroom break and–'
'I'm sorry!'
'I know. Just slow down OK?' He offers a small smile. 'Imagine how you'd like to be introduced to something new and then try to do that for me. Yeah?'
'Oh. Yeah. I can do that.' Jungkook nods. 'Give me your map?' He asks and Jimin reaches for it, stepping much closer so they can lean their heads together to look at it. 'We're standing here right now, on this path.' He points. 'This is where our cabin was, and we parked behind it…here.'
'Ah, OK, thank you.'
'And this is where we're walking. To this office. Once you're approved we'll head back to the cabin. The others will be there by then and Hobi will do your make-up. Then play starts at four.'
Jungkook lifts his head a little and nods, as if running through in his head and double checking he really has covered everything. Jimin smiles up at him.
They're standing so close he can feel the warmth from Jungkook's body and he's struck with the urge to step into it.
He'd probably feel less nervous after a hug.
'Are you OK now?' Jungkook asks.
'Yeah,' Jimin smiles, 'I'm OK. Lead the way.'
In the end his costumes are all signed off without much effort and so is his character card and story progression for the weekend. He’s scheduled for a shift as an NPC at ten the next morning, but Jungkook had also made sure he would be on a station with Tae.
Once everything is signed off, they head back to the cabin which has filled up in their absence with the rest of the members of the guild of Meramarth.
If the parking lot was overwhelming, Jimin finds that it's a whole other thing entirely walking into a room full of strangers to be introduced to, already half dressed in fantasy costumes.
Jungkook introduces him to Namjoon; or Eryn, who is standing in the middle of the room in fur pants, with attached hooves, a t-shirt with an ice-cream print on it, and holding a large pair of horns in his hands.
Tae, halfway to becoming Kkaebi, is standing in the tiny kitchen attached to the main room, attempting to make fancy coffee on the stove, while wearing full goblin make-up paired with plain gray sweatpants and sweatshirt.
Yoongi, the swordmaster Aredin, sits calmly on the couch, in full terrifying elf costume– lots of black, two custom swords and a scar through one eye– scrolling idly through his phone.
‘Maybe we can actually get around to that combat lesson in a bit, huh?’ He looks up with a lopsided smile and Jimin nods.
Next is Jin, or Nuri, probably the most beautiful person Jimin has ever seen in real life, and like Yoongi also fully dressed. But in white robes, with a long black wig, a silver circlet around his forehead and, also like Yoongi, two swords crossed on his back. Jimin remembers his full name Nuri Isilmirya and thinks how fitting it is as Isilmirya means beautiful moon.
The final member of the guild comes running out of the bedrooms when he hears Jungkook and Jimin get back, wearing just a pair of boxers and otherwise only covered by pale gray body paint and intricate black designs, like tattoos, all over his skin.
He must be Hoseok, or Estel, the spirit.
‘If you two want make-up done by me you need to get in here now, or I’m leaving without you!’ He chirps. ‘And it’s lovely to meet you Jimin, welcome to Everdawn!’
And with that he vanishes back into the bedroom.
Jungkook’s Thalin doesn't require much make-up, largely just the tattoos and face markings of his race of elf and some symbolic marks on his arms and chest. Jimin lets him go first and sits quietly watching Hoseok work.
He’s seen most bits of Jungkook’s costume, but not all of it, all at once, for the full effect.
When he saw it before, it was when he’d realized how hot Jungkook was. Now, when he stands up from in front of Hoseok and turns to Jimin with a little smile, Jimin realizes he transcends that– straight into beautiful.
Thalin is a mage and a healer, symbolized by purple and silver bottles hanging from a thick leather belt at his waist which is fastened with a pewter snake.
Hobi has also braided the top of his hair into a knot and darkened his eyes with smudged eyeliner, alongside the markings of their guild on his cheeks and forehead.
Jungkook grins and tucks a little bit of his tousled hair behind his ear, turning his head so Jimin can see the snake ear cuff, gleaming from the elf ears blended seamlessly into his makeup.
‘Jungkook, you look really good.’ Jimin smiles.
‘Ah, it’s four-twenty,’ he grins, nodding at the stark red numbers of the clock on Hoseok’s bedside table, ‘it’s Thalin from now on.’
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They eat dinner together in the cabin before Jungkook has to leave for a night shift as an NPC, from which he won’t get back until 2am.
Tae seems to sense that Jimin is anxious, that he’s been thrown into the lions den of new people and experiences and he spends the meal regaling him with stories and anecdotes about everyone, chipping away until the ice breaks– even though Yoongi and Jungkook repeatedly scold him for breaking character.
But Jimin is immensely grateful, and he also starts to piece them all together, as a guild here (started by Namjoon and Yoongi nearly a decade ago, then quickly joined by Hoseok) but also as a friendship group outside of their bond at Everdawn.
'So, Jin is also my cousin,’ Tae smirks, ‘he's friends with us because I hired him to be Jungkook's gay guidance counsellor.'
'Oh charming, not just because you love me.' Jin rolls his eyes.
'Jin, be serious, we loathed each other as teenagers.' Tae answers. 'I swallowed our feud because Kookie needed you.'
'That's true.' Jin muses. 'He was a walking gay disaster.'
'That's why we're friends?' Jungkook looks up, eyes wide, fork hovering in front of his mouth.
'Yep,' Jin laughs. 'Tae called me up, first time we'd spoken since a disastrous family BBQ, and just yelled: Seokjin, my best friend is gay and I don't know anybody else who’s gay but you, please help him.'
Jimin snorts. But it’s also a sweet story, he would've loved that kind of support himself.
'Well that makes sense.' Jungkook nods. 'And you were very helpful. Jin taught me how to suck dick.'
He returns to his food while everybody else collapses into various styles of laughter. Apart from Tae who freezes, his face falls.
'What?' He croaks.
'Yeah. That's what we used to do together in your attic.' Jungkook nods.
'Are you fucking kidding me, Jin?' Tae snaps, rounding on him. 'I task you with looking out for my impressionable fledgling gay friend and you corrupt his innocence? I thought you two were up there having heart to hearts!'
'God, Tae, don’t say it like that, that sounds awful. He was twenty years old when we met! And anyway, we had some heart to hearts too.' Jin shrugs. 'But dick sucking is also an important part of the experience.'
'It's OK, Tae! I liked it a lot!' Jungkook laughs and pats Tae's shoulder.
Tae still looks scandalized, returning to his food and telling his stories with a little less enthusiasm for the rest of the meal.
After dinner, Jungkook has to leave but he corners Jimin as they go to exit the cabin.
‘I’m sorry to leave you straight away. But I know you’ll be fine with Tae, he’s the reason you’re here anyway.’ Jungkook is hovering. ‘It will be quiet tonight. It’s why I took this shift. So it seems like I’m abandoning you, but it actually means I’ll be around for the rest of the weekend, and–’
‘Kook,’ Jimin cuts him off, ‘You’re worrying. I’m fine. Your friends are really nice, Tae will look after me. I feel OK.’
‘You need to stop calling me Kook. You’ll get fined.’ He grins.
‘Ah shit, yeah. You said Tae too! God, this is hard!’
‘You can do it.’
They smile at each other and what Jungkook said finally registers properly in Jimin’s head.
He’s the reason you’re here anyway.
‘Can I say one last thing as Jimin? Then I promise I’ll do better.’ He asks and Jungkook nods. ‘I didn’t come here for Tae. If Tae had asked me to do this I would’ve told him to fuck off. I would never have listened to him about Everdawn, I would've dismissed it and that would be that. I agreed because it was you that asked me, and it was also you that made this whole experience fun. It's you that changed my mind.’ Jungkook is looking at him with his eyes wide. ‘You’re the reason I’m here. Not Tae.’
‘Oh.’
Jungkook clenches and unclenches one his hands until he clearly gives in to the impulse and reaches out to twist a finger into a strand of Jimin’s extensions.
Hoseok had worked magic with Jimin’s hair, saying a full wig would look tacky and instead braiding color-matched clip-ins into the base and artfully disguising them with beaded leather strands tied around his forehead.
‘Do I look OK?’ He whispers and Jungkook nods vehemently without a second of hesitation.
‘You’ve never looked more like your namesake, Moon-heart.’
‘Thalin Calenaha!’ Yoongi’s voice booms into the cabin, where they’d been lingering. ‘You are being summoned! Lateness will incur a penalty!’
‘Oops!’ Jungkook springs back, gives Jimin a final look, and rushes out of the room.
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Dalwen Fareanar is nervous.
He's putting a lot of trust in the guild of Meramarth, when perhaps he should instead be suspicious how readily they accepted him among them.
But he has little choice. It's been a long, perilous journey to Serren and he's exhausted. He also knows full well that he needs the protection. Serren is where all the lost things end up. All those of them that are running and the few that are banding together to fight the darkness.
It's all at once a beautiful and disorientating place. Filled with the last hope of Everdawn, but also those who have been dealt a poor hand in this realm. And it's the latter who will slit your throat in your sleep for a single silver, though they sang with you in the tavern the night before.
Dalwen knows that all too well. His best hope of safety is with a guild like Meramarth. He should be grateful they were prepared to take him in, not be suspicious of their kindness.
He looks up from his thoughts and around at the ragtag group that walks beside him. They're a strange group, but their bond is clear even from being among them only for a few hours.
He owes his respect to the high Elves, Aredin and Nuri, his kin, though raised in far more illustrious halls than his own humble roots.
Aredin speaks little, though he isn't taciturn but guides and cares for the guild with a quiet strength and clear devotion. He is complimented by Nuri, who is louder in speech, who needles and teases those in their care and breaks the cool hours with jokes. But he looks after the guild with the same subtle care as Aredin.
They fit together like the crossed swords each wear on their backs.
The faun, Eryn, and spirit, Estel, also seem to work like a foil, complimenting the strengths and flaws of each other.
Eryn is clumsy but earnest. They call his kind faun in the common tongue but Dalwen knows that they are a much older, more noble race than any human or elvish words express. Eryn's kind have lived in the forests around Serren and the lowlands of Everdawn longer than an elf like Aredin has walked under the moon (which is a long time).
Eryn speaks his mind a little free, but his actions are never malicious. He is all at once the strength of the guild, wielding an ax with brute force and specializing in hand to hand combat– the corded muscles across his bare chest a testament to his strength– while at the same time, like the flip of a coin, he is the softest among them. He is a guardian of the forest and the nature around them, as soon to be found whispering to the trees than fighting.
Nobody knows how Estel became a spirit. Save Aredin who knew him in his other life but would never speak of it. Estel smiles widely, laughs freely, but there's always a sadness in his eyes, a heavy cloak from sharing thoughts with the dead.
His power is great though, his protective enchantments and ability to push others back from death and into the land of the living a highly prized skill in times like these.
Dalwen was wary of the goblin, Kkaebi, when they first met. His speech is rough and he seems to delight in arch words and jokes aimed to sting. He’s also quick to question or disrupt, to complain about the task at hand or refuse to participate. He wields the power of chaos as a weapon in combat– but also just for fun.
But as Dalwen settles among his new companions he quickly notices that the others of the guild treat Kkaebi with a quiet, adoring affection. They indulge his quirks and smile at his sharp tongue, even glaring at Dalwen as if challenging him to say a word against one of his outbursts. There’s no way a love so deep could be bestowed on anyone with a truly cruel heart.
And then there is the other elf, Thalin. He's not with them this evening, sent on a scouting mission, and Dalwen is curious to find that he thinks of him often, even as they also scout along the western perimeter.
Thalin was an orphan, found abandoned and taken under the care of Aredin and Nuri. Constant are Nuri's jokes about how he raised him from a stripling and fed him from his own pocket.
But it was Aredin who gave him a new family name, because he did not remember his own.
He named him Calenaha, or 'green rage'. Kkaebi said when they found Thalin he was full of anger for his unjust life but he didn't know how to channel it. His power and his anger were green and fresh like the wick of a new tree.
And now here he is, Dalwen Fareanar, walking among them. His own name means 'to hunt the sun', where instead he feels he has spent more time running from the darkness.
If he can prove himself worthy, perhaps the guild will agree to let him be sworn to them as a brother.
He's uncertain though, unsure what it would mean to be so meaningfully tied to others forever. Not something he has been used to in his long, solitary life.
But, he smiles a little, hidden within his thick hood, if it must be anyone, he would be glad it was them.
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In some ways, Jimin finds he's kind of glad that Jungkook isn't there that first evening, because he thinks maybe he would've been more self-conscious. Not because he wasn't comfortable around Jungkook, but because he would've been so keen to please him, to do things right, to somehow justify the hours of effort Jungkook has inexplicably poured into getting him here.
He would've hated to let him down. Or to turn out to be awful and embarrass everyone.
As it turns out though, Jimin is great.
Dalwen is great.
It's surprisingly easy, actually, to let go and get into it. The first night is clearly deliberately gentle, even for the pros it's a chance to catch up, to line up stories and to socialize.
Largely, Meramarth guild patrols around the camp and greets people.
Most of Dalwen's interactions come from others attempting to interrogate the runaway, but even that's largely deflected by Aredin as guild leader.
Only one meeting descends into a fight after Eryn offends one of their players. Dalwen even gets a direct hit with an arrow during the scuffle.
'You've proved indispensable, Dalwen Fareanar.' Nuri praises earnestly as they recoup and Jimin glows.
By eleven, they're all sitting around a fire pit outside the tavern eating smores. The proper kind; fat sugar filled marshmallows, gram crackers from a packet and far too much chocolate.
Not entirely in keeping with the setting, but nobody seems to care.
The last time Jimin had smores was at a pretentious ice bar where they were served on wafers and heated with a blow torch.
These are infinitely better.
And he's having fun, laughing so hard he leans into Kkaebi's lap.
Mostly, Taehyung stays in character, grumpy and barely flinching as Jimin falls all over him. But at one point, he tangles his fingers into Jimin's hair and leans down to whisper in his ear–
'I don't often see this side of you Mimi,' he whispers, 'I love it. I hope he sticks around.'
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Jungkook really doesn't want to leave Jimin for the evening but he’s also excited to finally be at Everdawn.
And being an NPC is important too.
He loathes the people that don’t take it seriously, or use it as an excuse for a break. NPC’s are an important part of what they’re doing here.
Doesn’t mean he doesn’t spend pretty much his whole shift thinking about Jimin though. That surprises him, because normally his head is totally in the game.
Everdawn is the highlight of his month. Honestly, it's just his highlight in every way. It's his favorite place. His home. He doesn't care about much else.
But this time he's had as much fun over the rest of the month, as he is here.
That's all been because of Jimin. And he can't stop thinking about him. About how good he looked in his costume. How much fun he seemed to be having, even though he’d said he was nervous.
He thinks about him for half of his shift and then for pretty much the entire walk home through the quiet camp.
They’re sharing a room, Jimin on the top bunk, so Jungkook tries to be super quiet when he gets in just before three am, but Jimin still wakes up. His head pops up from the bunk, face screwed up, hair messy.
Jungkook freezes, hands on the door frame and tries not to make a sound, hoping he’ll just fall back to sleep.
Instead, Jimin crawls across the mattress and starts fumbling down the ladder.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,’ Jungkook whispers, but Jimin doesn’t reply, just wafts his hand, keeping his eyes basically closed.
He’s wearing only a pair of checked pajama pants and no shirt. Jungkook knows he’s staring at him, at his soft exposed skin in the half light, but Jimin seems too sleepy to notice properly.
He takes a while to come back from the bathroom, Jungkook is already curled up in bed when he does, holding out his phone torch in case Jimin needs it as a light.
But Jimin doesn’t get back in his own bed on the top bunk, he shuffles over to Jungkook, pulls the sheets back and climbs in with him, turning around and pushing his butt against Jungkook’s belly until they’re spooning.
Jungkook freezes in surprise, arm hovering above Jimin’s bare body.
‘Jimin?’
‘I’m asleep, it’s OK.’
‘Jimin, what’re you doing?’
‘Don’t worry, I turned off everything.’
‘Are you sleepwalking?’
‘I just hate it when they say that.’
Jungkook snorts a small laugh into the back of Jimin’s ruffled hair.
He’s definitely still asleep.
But he feels it the moment Jimin does wake up. His body tenses and then goes still and his breathing changes, from soft and slow to sharper. He turns his head a little and peeks at Jungkook behind him, then whips his head back around.
‘Are you awake for real now, Dalwen?’ Jungkook whispers and Jimin huffs out a breath.
‘Yeah…’
‘Gave me a bit of a surprise when you first crept in here.’
‘Sorry…’ Jimin pushes up as if to leave. ‘I’ll—’
‘Stay.’
‘What?’
‘If you want to, then stay.’ He whispers, his mouth hovering above the little bit of skin behind Jimin’s ear. ‘It’s nice.’
‘Why don’t you do it properly then?’ Jimin answers, arching a little and pushing back against his belly. Jungkook bites his lip at the feel of his warm skin pressed against him.
‘You want me to hold you?’ He whispers, so quietly it’s barely audible.
‘Yeah. Hold me. Please.’ Jimin answers. His voice already sounds like he’s drifting back to sleep. Syrupy at the edges.
Jungkook finally relaxes his arm, he’d been holding it to his side, brushed up against Jimin but not daring to wrap it around him until he said he could. Now, he lets it relax all the way around Jimin’s stomach, his fingers fluttering over his skin and then settling hooked just under his hip. He shuffles forwards until Jimin’s head is nestled in the crook of his shoulder.
Jimin lets out a little purr at the contact, his eyes already closed and his body goes still again. He’s clearly fallen straight back to sleep.
Jungkook doesn’t want to sleep. He doesn’t want to waste a minute of Jimin in his arms, because he probably only has the weekend to enjoy it. Jimin might never come back to Everdawn after this, though Jungkook has thrown everything he has into making it somewhere and something that he’ll want to keep in his life. But Jimin really hasn’t made any indication that he’d like to, if anything he’s been deliberately clear he probably won’t.
Even if he does, he won't need Jungkook anymore. Not so much, or so often.
Jimin’s character is done, he can work on any developments to it on his own, and he’ll no doubt meet others who will help him now. Jungkook has done what he said he would. When they leave on Sunday, that will probably be it.
Jungkook wishes it wasn’t. He’d like to be friends outside of planning for Everdawn. Probably, he’d like to be boyfriends, if Jimin wanted to. All the things that seemed tiresome last time he’d tried that, don’t feel like they’d apply to Jimin. He wants to be around him all the time. He’s worked out by now that he likes him a lot, definitely more than friends.
But Jimin has made no indication that he’d be interested in anything more romantic between them, even if they have gotten closer.
He's really going to miss him on Monday, when they're back in their town, back to their lives and he has no excuse anymore to be around him. No reason to message dozens of times a day, or for Jimin to turn up at his house or pick him up from work and go out to dinner.
He'll miss Jimin.
So, for now, he wants to stay awake and commit every bit of this to memory. Jimin’s messy hair tickling his nose. The way the taut skin of his belly feels under Jungkook’s fingertips. How if Jungkook lifts his head, just a tiny bit, he can see that Jimin is sleeping with his mouth open, from this angle his plump lips looking like a little beak. Even his smell. Jungkook is sensitive to smells but he loves Jimin’s.
Frankly, he could do with thinking a little less about how good Jimin’s ass feels in his lap.
He cannot think like that, not while they’re pressed so close together in so little clothes. But as he feels sleep pull him under, he can’t help but nuzzle his face into the back of Jimin’s neck, gratified by how he relaxes into it.
Obviously, he wakes up hard.
It was inevitable really, given that he usually does anyway and then adding onto that how they'd fallen asleep. But he feels embarrassed all the same.
They’re still sandwiched together and his boner is pressed firmly into the crack of Jimin’s ass. It definitely isn’t appropriate. He inhales the smell of him a final time and then sits up carefully, peeling himself away from Jimin and wrapping him back up in the comforter so that he doesn’t wake up.
Jimin stirs but then curls back up and Jungkook grabs his wash bag and pads out of the room and down to the bathroom.
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Jimin isn’t sure he’s ever had a crush on someone before. He’s liked people, but never a legitimate, fluttery crush. A full on: your name is always on the tip of my tongue, how can I manipulate this social situation so that you’re always near me, kicking my legs in the sheets when you text kind of crush.
But by the second day of Everdawn, he knows that’s where he’s at. Knows it with certainty the moment he wakes up and thinks he should hurry so that he can make sure he gets to sit with Jungkook over breakfast like he’s a teenager.
He’s kind of embarrassed to wake up in Jungkook’s bed, particularly because he didn't even really mean to get in it in the first place. But half asleep Jimin knew what he wanted and it didn't end badly for him, he slept incredibly well. Jungkook didn’t let go of him all night, he clung to his back like a weighted blanket and it soothed him. It felt good.
Jungkook has already left their room and Jimin can hear the others in the kitchen for breakfast, so he pushes himself up with a groan.
As he stands, he notices Jungkook’s sweater folded up on the little chair next to their bunk bed. The one he wore for the drive down.
It’s a dark, bottle green and a soft looking kind of artificial fur. It looks beyond comfortable.
He reaches out a finger and strokes it gently. He definitely can’t go to breakfast without a top on. So, with a smile, he grabs it and tugs it over his head, trying to not be too creepy about sniffing it as he pulls it into place.
Jungkook stares at him, wide eyed, when he emerges into the kitchen. His eyes dart all over the sweater.
‘Is this OK?’ Jimin asks, gratefully accepting the coffee Namjoon hands to him.
‘Yeah. Of course, yeah.’ Jungkook nods.
Jimin grins and then tries to reign it in when he catches Tae and Hoseok grinning at him from the table like twin Cheshire cats. When Jungkook turns to take the plate Yoongi is passing him over the breakfast bar, Jimin flips them both off.
But he also doesn’t really mind the teasing, not from them and not about Jungkook. Not when he reminds himself how good it felt to sleep wrapped in Jungkook’s arms.
‘So, team,’ Jin addresses them all as they sit around the table with loaded plates of breakfast. ‘We all ready for today?’
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Dalwen’s heart thumps erratically in his chest. They had been doing well, having pushed back a troop of Tehkluks, infected with the darkness, from encroaching on the bounds of Serren. But then, when Dalwen turned back to the group, Aredin was on his knees, hands pressed to his chest.
The Tehkluks were gone, but so was the rest of their guild. Only he and Thalin stood in the clearing staring at each other with wide eyes over the stooped figure of Aredin.
‘What happened?’ He gasps, stumbling forwards to the fallen elf.
‘He was hit!’
‘How? They were retreating!’
‘There!’ Thalin gestures behind a nearby pine, ‘One was separated, he struck from there.’
Aredin moans, leaning forward onto one of his palms.
‘Estel…’ He murmurs, lips already blue.
‘No!’ Thalin shakes his head furiously. ‘You’re not crossing over. I can heal you. Hold on.’
He drops to his knees beside their companion and starts rooting through his belt for the right herbs. Dalwen can't help but notice the slight shake in his hands.
Thalin is right to be nervous. They’re vulnerable like this, cut off from the others and one of them injured too.
He draws his bow and circles around them, turning slowly, eyes fixed down the line of his arm to the tip of his arrow. Thalin’s murmured incantations fill his ear, but he doesn’t look to check their progress.
Not until he hears Aredin gasp, filling his lungs, and then starting to cough. Dalwen looks over his shoulder to see Thalin grinning, hand clasped with Aredin’s as he pulls him to his feet.
Then his face falls.
‘What is it?’
But he doesn’t need to wait for an answer because a loud, growl tears through the trees behind them.
‘Carhrag.’ Aredin croaks, voice still cracked from his previous injury. ‘Must’ve been summoned by your charms.’
‘But you’re weak still,’ Thalin’s face is dire, ‘we can’t run!’
‘The cave,’ Dalwen says, ‘head back to it, I’ll cover you.’
‘No, but you can’t fight it alone!’
‘Only until you come back. Leave Aredin there and come back for me.’
Thalin looks at him like he wants to argue but then Aredin coughs again and he grimaces and nods.
It’s Dalwen’s hands that shake now as he turns back to face the carhrag that breaks the treeline, bigger even than Eryn and without any of his gentle grace.
But Dalwen holds his nerve and fires an arrow straight between its eyes.
When Thalin returns to find the beast slain he looks between its body and Dalwen’s bow in utter shock.
‘You killed it.’
‘I did.’
‘That was hot.’
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
If the first evening was a gentle introduction to the world of immersive larping, Jimin’s first full day is like a punch in the face.
But a good one.
Breakfast is the last moment he feels any sense of being Jimin, and any slight moment of relaxation. For the rest of the day he is only Dalwen Fareanar.
Dalwen who for some reason Thalin seems to continually flirt with.
Jungkook doesn’t really flirt in their usual life.
But as Thalin he flirts like a knight in a movie, a little like he’s just learned the lines to say, but delivered so disarmingly Jimin flutters all the same.
And loves every minute of it.
They all eat lunch together on scrubbed wooden benches in the hall behind the tavern.
Plenty of people approach their guild as they eat, Dalwen is proving popular, joked about as fresh meat but largely welcomed and appreciated by everybody. Apart from the small, pretty fae, Cassius, who corners him when he’s coming back from the buffet table alone and warns him that the Meramarth guild won’t bring him the wealth or security that an elf like him needs in a town like Everdawn.
And maybe Jimin is a little bit more needled in his response to the advice than he would’ve been if he didn’t remember that Cassius was one of Jungkook’s ex flings.
In the evening they gather for a town hall in the tavern, where village issues are discussed and plot is decided, all while still in character.
Jungkook barely shuts up, regularly standing up and contributing to the meeting, and Jimin watches and listens to him with a smile.
He thinks about what Jungkook’s dad said, about how Jungkook barely talked by the time he finished high school, how cruel his peers were to him and then how his dad phrased it—
The people at Everdawn let my son be who he needs to be.
Jimin can see it. He can see Jungkook, and he’s so happy that he was able to find a place to bloom.
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Jungkook isn't very good at dancing. Hoseok tried to teach him once and said some bullshit that it was just like sword fighting, that all he had to do was remember the moves and listen for the beat of the music.
He could do both those things but Hoseok lied that it would make him a good dancer. He was stiff as a board, he knew it, with a look on his awkward face like a rabbit caught in a trap.
But even so, all he wants to do is ask Jimin to dance.
It's evening and they're in the mead hall. People are sitting on benches drinking, but there's also live music and others are dancing.
One of those people is Jimin. And god, Jungkook doesn't know how not to stare. He knows vaguely he should probably be a little less obvious, but the sight of Jimin tugs him in like a beacon.
His smile is the brightest thing in the room.
And he gifts it to everybody that dances with him, that beautiful smile, turning the beam of his attention on them.
Jungkook wants it for himself. He wants to be the only one dancing with him, the only one being given his smile. But Jimin looks so beautiful, so happy and Jungkook's big clumsy form would ruin it.
He sighs.
And then someone gently nudges his shoulder.
Namjoon.
'Thalin Calenaha of the guild of Meramarth,' He murmurs, 'I thought one of your defining features was your bravery in the face of adversity?' He says.
His smile is warm.
'Yes. It is.'
'Well, bravery comes in many forms. Not just in battle.'
Jungkook looks at him, a small frown on his face. Namjoon nods at Jimin and Jungkook follows his gaze.
Jimins head is thrown back as he spins with Hoseok, his laughter carrying over the top of the crowd.
'Fleabeard, you're implying something. Please be explicit.' He sighs, turning back to see Namjoon looking amused.
'Go ask Dalwen to dance.'
'Oh,' he bites his lip, 'but I'm no good at it.'
'Don't worry, he is. A good dance partner will do all the work.' He nods. 'Besides, it doesn't matter how you look, just how you feel.'
Jungkook frowns at that. Namjoon always talks in riddles, in or out of character. But he thinks he can just about untangle this one.
'You mean it's more about if I have fun?'
'Yes. That's what I mean. Now go on!' Namjoon grins.
When Jungkook gets shakily to his feet he feels Namjoon tap him on the back in encouragement.
Jimin is wearing the outfit Jungkook’s dad made him especially for the evening dance, white shirt and the open kimono, embroidered with fine flowers. Both pieces are loose, the shirt low-necked, and when Jimin dances in a certain way it slips from his shoulder and reveals his collarbones, the material of the long robe flowing out around him when he spins.
He’s also swapped the bands in his hair for fine silver chains and they match the silver snake studs that glitter in his ears.
That also matches the snake curled around Jungkook’s ear, and on his belt. He rubs it with his thumb.
The snake wasn’t a guild symbol, it was just Thalin’s, Jungkook’s…and now theirs.
Hoseok nudges Jimin as Jungkook approaches and he turns towards him, the huge smile still painted across his face.
Jungkook doesn’t even have to ask him to dance because Jimin just grins and throws his arms around his neck, pulling him close and twirling them across the floor. Jungkook puts his hands on Jimin’s hips, cumbersome and awkward, but there, and lets himself be dragged across the boards.
Namjoon is wrong that it doesn't matter if your partner is good at dancing and you're not. It's obvious that Jungkook is still terrible however good Jimin is.
He stumbles a lot, holds his arms out weird and stiff from his body and every now and then he catches Jimin giving him a bemused look, sometimes he even laughs at him. But Jungkook doesn’t mind. Because Namjoon is right that he doesn’t really mind how he looks when it feels this good.
Jimin is warm, smiling, laughing, and the room is beautiful and Jimin is beautiful.
‘God, you really can’t grasp this, can you!’ He laughs. ‘Here. Try this.’ And he tugs Jungkook until their bodies are flush, his arms around his neck, Jungkook’s completely wrapped around his waist. ‘Now all you have to do is spin me around.’
‘Ah, right. OK.’ He mumbles, wondering if he’s allowed to rest his cheek on the top of Jimin’s head.
Jimin seems to answer that by leaning his own head forward until it rests on his shoulder.
‘I never went to my prom. At high school.’ He murmurs a few minutes later.
Jungkook decides not to scold him for dropping character.
‘No?’ He isn’t sure why that’s relevant. Because they’re dancing, probably. ‘Me neither. Too loud for me back then, too many assholes.’
‘I got stood up.’ Jimin whispers. ‘It wasn’t even romantic, just a girl in my class asked me. Then she ditched me. She didn’t even let me know, her mom answered the door. It was…horrible.’
Jungkook tightens his arms around him.
‘Don’t think about it anymore. It’s done. The lights in here are beautiful.’
Jimin lifts his head and looks at him, they’re still wrapped in each other, barely dancing, just shuffling from foot to foot.
‘You’re right. Everything is beautiful.’
‘Are you having a good time?’ He asks.
Their eye contact is heavy. Burning. Jungkook feels like he knows what it means but isn’t sure he trusts himself.
‘I am.’
‘Good.’
‘Thalin?’ Jimin whispers and Jungkook's surprised that his heart drops at a name that he's always loved before, but he nods. ‘Can I kiss you?’
He just nods again and tilts his head down to meet Jimin’s waiting lips.
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
Jungkook kisses just like Jimin hoped he would, nervous and then all at once. He holds Jimin’s face in his hands and lust pools up from the base of his belly until it meets where his chest was already warm in Jungkook’s arms.
But they’re still in the middle of the crowded mead hall, even if for a moment Jimin forgot it, and the wolf whistle from Taehyung reminds them both of it. Jungkook pulls back, his thumbs on Jimin’s cheeks, smooth and soft.
They smile at each other, Jungkook’s lips look pink and wet and Jimin can’t settle on looking at them or his eyes.
‘Shall we leave?’ Jungkook whispers, still so close Jimin can taste his words.
‘Do you want to?’
‘Hmm.’ Jungkook leans down to kiss him again, just a peck. ‘I want to do this. But without Kkaebi watching.’
Jimin snorts and they both turn their heads a little to see several people immediately turn as if they weren't looking.
‘Yeah…’ Jimin bites his lip. ‘Yeah, let’s leave.’
Walking back to the cabin feels a little bit like the fantasy of Everdawn has seeped into everything. The trees and paths are lit with string lights, the sounds of the band from the mead hall fades behind them into the trees, and every few steps Jungkook stops, a laugh on his lips, and pulls Jimin in for another kiss.
The mood changes a little once they’re in the dark cabin.
Jungkook’s tongue finds its way into his mouth, their hands become more fervent, pushing and pulling not just holding each other. When Jungkook temporarily leaves his arms to switch on the small, wonky lamp in the corner of their bedroom, Jimin leans against the wall and devours him with his eyes.
He’s just in his shirt and pants now, hair disheveled, the smokey make-up around his eyes smudged and glorious. Jimin bites his lip.
‘Is that OK?’ Jungkook gestures at the lamp radiating a globe of warm yellow into the empty room. ‘I want to see you. You look so beautiful.’
‘I was just thinking the same about you.’ Jimin grins.
‘Come here.’
And he does.
They kiss in the middle of the room and if Jimin could form a coherent thought he’d be surprised how much he likes this, how easy it is, how quickly he’s hard and desperate, grinding on Jungkook’s thigh and clawing at his ribs, his hand thrust under Jungkook’s shirt.
They tumble into the bed, Jimin somehow just in his shirt and underwear now, Jungkook in only his pants. Jungkook hovers above him, knees between his thighs; he kisses Jimin’s throat, the dips of his collarbone, his shoulder, and then tugs off Jimin's shirt, kissing the skin he exposes.
Then he stops hovering, sinking his weight down until their bodies meet and Jimin arches up against him. They’re both hard, their cocks pressing together and Jungkook lets out a moan into Jimin’s skin and pushes down. Jimin gasps, fingers scrabbling into his back.
Jungkook lifts his head and Jimin whines at the loss of his lips on his skin.
‘Is this OK?’ Jungkook asks, his voice different, low and thick, and Jimin flicks his eyes open.
‘Yes.’
‘Because I know you haven’t had sex. We don’t have to do anything more than this.’ He brings his hand up and strokes Jimin’s cheek. ‘But if we do I don’t want to misunderstand anything, will you tell me what is and isn’t OK, please? Tell me what you want? I don’t care what we do, I just want to be close to you.’
For some reason that makes Jimin want to cry, not bad tears, not tears from pain, but nobody has ever said something so all at once tender and straightforward to him at a moment like this.
Sex always feels too big and messy and complicated to him, not something he knows how to explore without feeling scared of his inability to say what he wants or change his mind. That’s why he’s avoided it.
But Jungkook’s words make it simple. Jungkook makes him feel good, soft and blurred at the edges. But held too, contained, like he’ll let him melt but not slip away.
‘I–’ his voice cracks and Jungkook kisses his nose then finds his eyes again. ‘I feel good. But I don’t know what I like…can we just find out? I’ll tell you, I promise I’ll tell you.’
‘Yeah,’ he smiles, ‘we can do that–’
‘--but it might be nothing. I don’t want you to think– is it OK if it’s nothing?’ Jimin asks.
‘I said I just want to be close to you. I meant it.’
‘OK.’
Jungkook smiles and then kisses him again, he brings their hips back together, arms locked around Jimin’s body, tugging them onto their sides. He creeps one hand to the base of Jimin’s spine and pushes, deepening how they connect and encouraging Jimin to grind on him.
‘Does that feel good?’
‘Yes,’ Jimin whispers into his mouth.
It does. The friction feels good on his cock, his back arching as he seeks out more.
‘You sound really hot.’ Jungkook grins and Jimin opens his eyes to find Jungkook staring, his pupils wide, mouth open. ‘I really want to make you feel good. Can I? Can I touch your cock?’
Jimin nods.
For a few moments, they don’t move from where they are. Jungkook just carries on kissing him, one hand still guiding him to grind against his thigh. Then he shuffles back across the tiny single bed creating a space between them that Jimin despises.
‘Turn around,’ he whispers and Jimin does without hesitation. Jungkook tugs him back against his chest and immediately wraps his entire body around him. ‘I want to hold you.’
Jimin loves how it feels, his head tipped back so they can still kiss and the rest of his body held so completely.
Jungkook doesn’t touch him right away, just kisses at his neck, occasionally offering a small bite that makes Jimin shiver with pleasure. He’s grasping Jimin’s hip in one hand, rocking him back against himself and Jimin can feel his hard cock pressed against his ass.
‘Ah, you feel good. I feel good.’ Jimin moans, his words soft and weak as Jungkook kisses his shoulder.
Then his hand finally reaches down and grasps Jimin through his pants and he gasps and jerks into it, a moan breaking from his lips. Jungkook starts to palm him, rolling his hand over the sensitive end of Jimin’s cock and he writhes and keens, warmth spreading across his belly.
When Jungkook creeps his fingers under the hem of his boxers he starts to tremble and Jungkook pauses.
‘Ah, no, don’t stop. I feel good. You’re making me feel so good.’ He whispers and lifts his own hand until it rests on top of Jungkook’s to guide him down, hissing at the contact when Jungkook’s fingers finally wrap around his cock.
Jungkook doesn’t tease, he starts moving his hand in a firm, graceful rhythm, matching it to the grind of his own hips, rutting his own cock against Jimin at the same time. Jimin can hear that he feels good too, hears how his words and breathing stutters, his mouth pressed to the back of Jimin’s ear and Jimin drowns in the sound of him.
He’s getting close, Jungkook speeding up instinctively, or perhaps matching with his own arousal. He holds tighter, his thumb working the head of Jimin’s cock.
‘Fuck. You’re going to make me cum. I feel good. You’re going to make me cum.’ Jimin gasps, surprised at the feeling.
He's never managed to let go so quickly, not with somebody else.
‘Good. That’s good. Please, I want to feel you.’
Jimin is rutting into his hand now, so tantalizingly close. Jungkook seems to appreciate the increased friction on his cock too and lets out a deep groan into the back of Jimin’s neck. It’s that sound that sends him over the edge, his body shaking as he spills into Jungkook’s hand with a cry.
‘Ah, ah.’ Jungkook gasps.
He stills his hand on Jimin’s cock but keeps grinding, rubbing against Jimin, his forehead dropped onto his shoulder until they’re tipped a little forward, his weight leaning over him. Then he jerks to a still, his moan in Jimin’s ear filthy as he cums too, pressing their bodies impossibly close.
They’re quiet for a moment, just heavy breaths punctuating the stillness, then Jungkook breaks it with soft kisses to Jimin’s bare shoulder.
Jimin feels warm and happy, and absolutely in love with the way Jungkook doesn’t even let go of him a tiny bit. He couldn’t bear that right now, the lack of pressure or warmth from another body so soon. Jungkook holds him closer if anything, their bodies entirely slotted together, still kissing messily at his neck and shoulder.
‘Did you really just cum in your pants?’ Jimin smiles.
‘Absolutely.’ Jungkook answers between kisses. ‘And I don’t care if you’re mocking me. I would do it again. I would do anything you let me.’
‘How gallant of you, Thalin Calenaha.’
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
Dalwen runs through the trees, his breath tight in his throat from where he holds it, desperate to make less noise.
Down below him, in the clearing, he can hear the soft chanting of Estel and Thalin as they desperately try to set up enchantments to protect their scattered forces.
He tries not to think of Eryn who lies beside them near mortally wounded, begging them to finish the enchantments before they heal him.
He cannot help now. His only hope of being of use is to keep running.
Aredin and Nuri were with him, only moments ago, they ran together, taking advantage of the increased speed their race of elf granted them to try to break the side flank of the advancing Tehkluks.
But they were separated in a scuffle and now Dalwen is running alone.
It's OK, he's used to being alone.
Now, he's trying to reach higher ground, a little outcrop of rock that he spotted while running from the darkness that separated him from his fellow elves. If he can reach it, he should find himself above the clearing where Thalin and Estel are, and he should be able to cover them while they heal Eryn.
He flinches as he hears the growl of Kkaebi, like a bark shattering through the trees as he summons chaos to aid them in their fight. It will bide them time, scattering and confusing their foe– but it won’t be enough.
Dalwen pushes through his tiredness, ignores his screaming muscles, and finally, finally breaks through the line of trees onto the outcrop he saw before. Without wasting time he runs to the edge and draws his bow, scanning his keen elf eyes through the tree cover to seek his target.
He grins, the position is perfect. With a whistle he lets loose an arrow and watches it thud satisfyingly into the back of a tehkluk. Immediately he draws again. And again.
At first, Thalin and Estel look around in surprise, seeking out the hidden warrior raining arrows around them.
Then Estel looks up and meets his eyes, just as a tehkluk falls to the earth in front of him.
He smiles.
‘Daecu.’ He whispers.
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
Sunday is another intense day. News regarding a hostile band of Tehkluks encroaching the Western border is all over the camp in the morning.
Meramarth joins with the rest of the guilds of Serren to defend and push back on the attack.
Jimin doesn't have much time to dwell on the fact that it’d been a little awkward between him and Jungkook when they woke up. Not least because they'd both awoken with dry cum in their underwear from falling asleep after fooling around. Jungkook barely spoke and hurried off to shower.
Then Yoongi and Namjoon had rushed them out of the cabin after a quick breakfast and they didn't have time to talk about it. They don’t for the rest of the day either.
But Jimin doesn’t think too much about it because he's having too much fun.
And just like yesterday, he’s surprised how easily he slips into things, and how good at it he turns out to be. Dalwen is actually a great archer. By the time they pause for lunch he’s impressed not only his own guild, but others too.
His ability earns him something greater than all the praise he could ever receive– a nickname.
Daecu. Shadow bow.
Drawn from the lips of Estel in the heart of battle, it is immediately adopted by the rest of the guild.
'That's a great honor, to be given a nickname by a spirit such as Estel.' Kkaebi nods as they pack up again. 'And it suits you.'
The day ends with them sitting around the fire pits by the tavern in Serren, everybody tired but merry because of the successful battle.
Jimin sits next to Jungkook and leans his head on his shoulder.
'Are you happy, Dalwen Fareanar of the guild of Meramarth?' He murmurs. 'Our Daecu.'
'Yeah…' Jimin whispers back. 'Though I am very, very tired.'
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
Jimin is so glad he had the foresight to book Monday off work when he wakes back in his own bed, tired and empty like a wrung sponge.
He’d loved every bit of the weekend, but was truly exhausted by Sunday evening. Not just physically– though his muscles ached and he was even decorated with a few bruises– but mentally too. He hadn’t been around so many people so intensely for a very, very long time.
By the time Taehyung dropped him off outside his apartment he was half delirious with exhaustion.
Now, as he sits at his dining table drinking coffee and flipping through his phone, he feels like he can’t properly remember saying goodbye to everybody, as if the entire last few hours just melted and blurred with his tiredness.
He feels good though, happy.
Taehyung sends him a selfie from his desk bemoaning his stupidity in not booking time off like Jimin had. Jimin grins at it.
Tae also sends over a few photos from the weekend. There aren’t many, they’d have to wait for any official ones for that, but he’d snapped a few shots while they were relaxing or in the cabin.
Jimin doesn’t find them quite as terrifying as he once thought he might, even the ones of him in costume or practicing sparring with Yoongi. Everdawn looks pretty, and they all look happy.
After breakfast he’d planned to be productive in a self-care kind of way. He intended to do the laundry, shower and cook some proper food. He does force himself to hang his costumes properly to air and clean his elf ears, leaving them to dry on the side of the tub. But otherwise, he lays on the sofa watching TV and only realizes it’s evening when his apartment steadily darkens around him. He lets it, switching the TV off and staring out the window at the New York skyline which only gets brighter as the night falls further.
He goes to send a picture of it to Jungkook and then realizes that he hasn’t heard from him all day. The last message in their chat is his own from the night before–
[Jimin 23:09] Thanks for taking me this weekend
[Jimin 23:09] I had the best time
And that’s weird. Jungkook normally texts him hundreds of times a day.
He tries not to overthink it. Jungkook is more than likely just as tired as him and he’s told Jimin before that he often needs a while to process big social things.
So, he doesn’t send the photo. Doesn’t want to add pressure. Doesn’t want to seem needy. But it feels odd. Jungkook isn’t someone he’s ever over-thought around before, so he can’t help the little something sour that settles in the pit of his belly and that he can’t shake.
Maybe he did something wrong. Because now he thinks back on it, nobody had asked him about next month, nobody had said they wanted him to keep coming to Everdawn, not even Jungkook or Tae.
He stares at his phone again. No notifications.
He sighs, trying to push away the intrusive thoughts. He’s feeling low because he’s done nothing but lay around all day without even brushing his teeth. That’s all it is. So he drags himself off the couch and goes to bed.
But, over the next few days, he still doesn’t hear from Jungkook as much as he thought he would. Their conversation– which had been near constant before– drops away to messages that seem stilted, as if without the planning for Everdawn they don’t know what to do with each other.
Jimin is surprised by how much that hurts, and then he feels like a fool because he realizes he thought that they were something. And apparently that was wrong.
Because he knows that Jungkook isn’t the kind of person to be an asshole, knows that he probably would have said something if Jimin had done anything wrong. And that’s worse, because it means that the deeper meaning Jimin had given to everything between them was all in his head.
It means that apparently it was only Jimin who thought what happened between them was the start of something they’d been building up towards all month.
Without the purpose of Everdawn, Jungkook just seems to have lost interest in him.
He always replies to Jimin, sends him his usual confusing gifs, but he doesn’t ask anything, doesn’t make conversation, doesn’t ask to meet up.
And so Jimin doesn’t do any of those things either.
He doesn’t really know why. Maybe scared of even more rejection or of being annoying. He doesn’t even dare ask Taehyung what’s going on while they eat lunch together at work, not wanting to sound stupid or make things awkward.
Instead, he just berates himself for being dramatic and clingy. It isn’t like they’re not talking at all, it’s kind of his own fault for expecting something grander just because Jungkook jerked him off.
Because that’s what it comes down to really, isn’t it? That Jimin is so unused to being intimate with people these days that his stupid brain has latched onto it. Not even his brain, his dick. And what they did won’t have meant the same to Jungkook, sex doesn’t mean the same to him, he’s always made that clear.
Maybe Jimin hasn’t got what he wanted, or hoped for, but they’re still friends. That hasn’t changed. It’s only been a few days since they last saw each other.
Jimin just needs to stop overthinking everything.
On Wednesday night, he can’t be bothered to cook and drives out to Koreatown for take out. He orders before he leaves, not even dressing properly because he’ll only have to hop out of the car for a minute.
So, of course, dressed in baggy sweatpants and slides with unwashed hair, is how he finally bumps into Jungkook.
Which wouldn’t have bothered him at all even last week. For someone who cares a lot about how he looks, Jimin never had thought about it much in front of Jungkook.
But it bothers him now because Jungkook is dressed nicely.
And so is the guy leaning against his arm and grinning up at him.
And they are so, so clearly on a date.
Jimin has just turned from the counter, paper bag of steaming take out clutched to his chest, when he notices Jungkook and the other guy waiting to be seated.
They freeze as they catch each other’s eyes at the same moment and then Jungkook smiles and waves. Jimin steps closer reluctantly.
‘Hi! You’re getting food too.’ Jungkook grins.
‘Yeah…feeling lazy.’ Jimin replies weakly. Jungkook doesn’t seem awkward, but Jimin feels it.
‘Good choice. The food here is good.’
‘Yeah, I know…’
The guy with Jungkook is peering around the restaurant, looking for a server to seat them. Jimin hasn’t seen him before. Hasn’t really heard Jungkook mention any friends but Tae or those from Everdawn.
Maybe this is someone from Everdawn too. But he knows it isn’t, somehow.
When Jimin turns back to say bye Jungkook is staring at him, he’s bouncing on the balls of his feet a little, one hand flexing by his side.
‘Well, I better go.’ Jimin nods. ‘Enjoy your date.’
He knows he shouldn’t say the last bit, but he keeps his voice measured and it comes out earnestly enough.
Jungkook just smiles at him.
‘Thank you.’ He nods.
And Jimin flees.
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
After he got home that night Jimin downloaded Hinge.
It was an impulsive, destructive decision. He didn't even really plan to meet anyone, just wanted to torture himself. He's done it before, periodically over the years, when he’s feeling particularly angered by his lack of ability to connect with anyone.
Just like always, in only a few days he's used it to descend into a painful, sticky, pit of self-loathing.
All those people out there, wanting everything from a hook-up to love– and not one of them for him.
'Why the fuck are you on Hinge?'
Jimin locks his phone abruptly and looks up to see Tae looming over him.
'I–'
'You're still dating? What about Kook?' He glares.
'What about Kook?' Jimin bites. 'He probably met his date on here…'
'His date?' Tae plops down opposite him looking confused. 'God, were you revenge hinge-ing? Mimi, that isn't the sort of thing someone like you can pull off!'
'No, that isn't– what do you mean someone like me?'
'Never mind that. Please explain what's going on, I'm so lost. I thought you two were…' He hooks his fingers together.
'Yeah, well, we're not.'
'That doesn't make sense! Kook talks about you all the time–'
'Yeah, I never said he doesn't like me at all, Tae.' Jimin sighs, tugging his hand through the front of his hair. 'Just not like like. And it's– I'm stupid, because I thought that he did.'
'Have you asked him?'
'What?'
'Have. You. Asked. Him.'
'No, I mean, no, it's–'
'Wow, yeah. You are stupid.'
‘Oh, great, thanks. Exactly the comfort I needed!’
‘You are though, I’m sorry. Has everything you know about Kook just flown out the window?’ He asks. ‘Have you at any point actually said to him anything along the lines of Jungkook I like you romantically would you be interested in exploring that…or have you simply moon-eyed at him and hoped he’d get it?’
‘I mean, no, not actually, but we kissed and…stuff, and–’
‘Great. Kookie has kissed loads of people–’
‘Ouch, Tae–’
‘Sure, sure, but you get what I’m saying, right?’ Tae pushes and even though he kind of does, Jimin just pouts, still wounded. Tae rolls eyes. ‘Go be an adult and tell him you like him in actual words.’
‘I just–’ He grimaces. ‘What would that even achieve?’
‘I’m not going to speak for him, that’s weird. But you two, you’re a really good fit.’ He smiles, gently. ‘In just a month Kookie brought out all these sides out of you that I'd been trying to for the entire three years I've known you! And I'd honestly be offended if it wasn’t so…sweet. You're totally different around him, funny and weird and relaxed and I love it. And I know you do too. And I also know you’re not so stupid that you don’t suspect how he feels. So, stop letting your shitty self esteem make you blind.'
‘I…guess.’ His answer falls flat, but he just feels so tired.
Tae just gives him the look, getting to his feet with a sigh and grabbing his coffee from the machine.
‘And get off hinge!’ He shouts over his shoulder as he leaves. ‘That is not the place for you!’
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
When he gets home after work, Jimin changes and then curls up in his bed, cupping his phone in both hands and hovering his thumb over the call button on Jungkook’s contact.
He’s at least acknowledged that Tae was right and that they need to talk, but that doesn't make it any easier to make the next step.
He really wants to handle this like an adult, but when it comes to it he finds he’s still a coward– just like he always was, and he types out a message instead.
Jimin [21:47]: Hi Jungkook. Hope you’re having a nice week. So, I just wanted to tell you something. You don’t have to reply. Obviously. But I just wanted you to know that I like you romantically. More than friends like you. I thought that’s something we were both feeling but maybe I got that wrong seeing as you were on a date when I saw you. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you so that you know.
Jimin [21:47]: So now you know.
Jimin [21:47]: I hope you have a nice night.
He types and retypes for at least half an hour. Throws his phone twice. Screams into his pillow at the phrasing more appropriate for a teenager than a grown man, then sends it in a fit of impulsivity and regrets it two seconds later.
‘Have a nice night period, for fuck sake.’ He groans and then shoves his phone under his pillow.
Even out of sight the words still flash in his mind repeatedly. He said nice far too many times. Should absolutely have left out the passive aggressive bit about the date. Didn’t actually say anything useful or conclusive at all. What was even the point of it?
It was a terrible message and he really is a fucking idiot.
But he’s never going to get his mind off it laying in bed, so he drags himself to the couch with his blankets still wrapped around him and flicks on the TV.
A while later the door rings and Jimin’s heart drops out of his chest. He looks at his phone, it’s just after midnight.
Nobody rings on his door unexpectedly; his neighbors don’t talk to him, his parents don’t drive at night, halloween was last week and he didn’t order take-out.
Logically, it can only be one person. And he all at once hopes and dreads that it is.
But of course it is, of course it’s Jungkook.
He’s standing on the steps, eyes wide, bouncing on the balls of his feet.
'I'll come down.' Jimin croaks into the intercom and then turns it off without waiting for an answer.
When he gets down there, Jungkook lurches forward as soon as Jimin pulls the door open.
‘Jimin! God. You didn’t answer your phone!’ He blurts.
‘I–’
Because he’d stuffed it under his pillow and left it there.
‘You like me?’ Jungkook asks outright and Jimin’s mouth drops open like a fish.
‘I–’
‘I replied to you. You sent me a message and I replied. Right away. Then I called you. But you didn’t answer me. Now you’re upset. I think you look upset. Are you upset?’
Jimin draws in a deep breath, annoyed with how it trembles, and crosses his arms over his chest.
‘Yes, Kook, I’m upset.’
‘Ah, fuck. I’m sorry Jimin–’
‘You don't need to be. You didn’t upset me, I upset myself. I’m sorry for sending the messages, I should’ve called instead. And I didn’t mean to ignore you, I was just watching TV and…’ he trails off. He’s kind of mortified that Jungkook came all the way here so late over something so stupid. ‘How did you get here?’
‘Cab.’ He steps closer and Jimin shrinks away, which seems to agitate Jungkook even more. 'I just don't understand. I had to ask my mom when you didn’t reply and she said your messages seemed upset. So I know you're upset but I don't understand what I've done.'
'I said you haven't done anything.'
'Don't do that!' Jungkook half shouts and then hits his arm in frustration. 'Don't do that to me right now, Jimin, please.'
'What do you need from me then?' Jimin sighs. He's tired and emotional and he's made a mess over nothing.
'Your message was nice. I don't understand why it's upset you. Or why you sent it and then didn't answer me.'
'It was nice?' Jimin frowns.
'Yes?' Jungkook looks up at him. 'You said you like me romantically. I'm happy about that.'
'Are you?'
'Yes!'
'Doesn't seem like it.' Jimin answers petulantly. He's frustrated with himself even as the words come out of his mouth.
But he doesn't know how to do this, all he wants to do is curl up in a ball.
Jungkook has bunched up both of his fists, he looks angry but when he talks again his voice is heavy like he's on the verge of bursting into tears. Jimin whips his head up at the sound of it.
'Please, Jimin. Please just explain in clear words, please.' He begs, eyes boring into Jimin's.
Jimin stares, then nods back, takes a deep breath.
'I'm upset because I like you. More than friends. A lot. A scary amount. And I thought you liked me too. I thought after Everdawn maybe we would start seeing each other, thought after we–' His voice cracks, heavy like Jungkook's. 'But then we got back and you went quiet on me. I was already anxious. And then on Wednesday you were on a date. And you're allowed to date, obviously, we're not together but I thought we were something and…'
‘I didn’t know! You’ve never once said you liked me! Or anything like that at all. Jimin, I thought I was just helping you with Everdawn and that’s all you wanted, I didn’t expect you to want more from me–’
‘So this really was all in my head then? Excellent.’ He grimaces and Jungkook looks stricken.
‘No! It wasn’t! Ah this is so bad. I’m so annoying I’m sorry. I just didn’t realize you liked me like that.’
‘How could you not know? Jungkook, we kissed? We fooled around! I haven’t done anything sexual with somebody in like four years and that didn’t clue you in?’
‘No. It didn’t! I kiss lots of people and then–’
‘Fuck. That’s fucking great Kook, thanks.’ He bites, his voice laden with hurt.
Jungkook’s face drops, he looks close to tears still and he wraps his arms across his chest and starts hitting the tops of his arms.
‘Jimin, no. You’re saying that’s great but it isn’t. You’re not saying what you mean and I don’t– you’re upset. I’ve upset you.’ He repeats.
And Jimin realizes he’s being cruel.
Having an emotional conversation with Jungkook like this, late at night on the doorstep, isn’t going to get either of them anywhere. Jungkook hasn't even done anything wrong, aside from not realizing Jimin liked him, or thinking their kiss wasn’t a big deal, both of which he’s kind of justified in. Yet here Jimin is all in his feelings and causing a scene.
He tries to calm his breathing.
‘Kook, do you want to talk about this tomorrow? I can call you a cab home for now? We can talk properly another time.’
Jungkook shakes his head fiercely.
‘No. Please can I come in? I’m upset now too, I need– can we try and talk now? Please?’
Jimin looks up at him. He’s right, they should, and he looks so stressed Jimin knows he can’t send him away.
‘Yeah, come on then.’ He sighs, pushing the door wide and stepping backwards.
They make their way awkwardly into the elevator, not talking all the way up to Jimin’s apartment. Jungkook follows him into his living room, he seems a little calmer now they're inside. But then they both just stand there.
‘Oh,’ Jungkook smiles weakly and points to the sagging nest of blankets that Jimin had just stepped out of like shedding a skin. ‘You chose the lentil chips? Even heartbroken?’
‘Kook–’ Jimin bursts and somehow it’s all at once a laugh and a choked little sob and Jungkook’s forehead bunches up in a frown again.
‘I’m not heartbroken.’ Jimin adds.
‘Right. Yeah sorry. I’m no good at jokes, I just…’ Jungkook rubs the back of his neck.
Jimin sits down on the arm of the couch. He’s made this so much worse than it needed to be and would very much like to blame Tae’s poor advice.
‘Help me make sense of things please?’ Jungkook says. ‘I really want to understand properly so I can explain.’
‘OK…’
‘You like me?’ He asks without hesitation.
‘Yes,’ Jimin sighs, almost reluctantly.
‘Since when?’
‘A while. Before we went to Everdawn.’
‘Oh. Jimin, I like you too!’
‘And that’s why you were on a date on Wednesday is it?’
‘No…he asked. I went.’
‘That’s not very comforting!’
‘I didn’t think I had a chance with you! You’ve never acted like it was a possibility since we met. Then we got home and he asked and I was just trying to get on with things, I didn’t even have a very nice time.’
‘I get it.’ Jimin sighs. ‘Well, I suppose I understand. I don’t agree with you implying I’m apparently so out of your league, that’s stupid. But I’m still sad, Kook, even if I understand, because it’s making me feel like all the moments between us weren’t what I thought they were and to me they meant a lot.’
He brings his hand up to his face, rubbing his cool fingers over his eyelids. Jungkook steps closer until he’s by his feet. His hand flexes like he wants to reach out but he doesn’t.
‘No. They were what you thought. And they meant a lot to me too.’ He insists.
‘How can they have, if you didn’t even realize I liked you?’
‘I was just processing differently.’
‘Everything? Kissing, sharing a bed…making me cum?’ He whispers the last part.
It shouldn’t sting so much, but it does, because that was a big deal to him. He doesn’t want to give Jungkook a hard time, he doesn’t. But he’s hurt and he still needs to try to express it.
Jungkook sighs, bites his lip. Fists clenching and unclenching.
‘I just thought you liked Thalin.’ He whispers. ‘I could feel you were into me, I’m not that much of a broken zombie, Jimin. But you changed a lot at Everdawn, you only started flirting with me there. So I just thought it was Thalin that you liked, not me. You even said that name when we were in bed. Tae likes to joke how much dick I get but it isn’t me that does. It’s the setting at Everdawn, the costume, the fantasy. It’s pretty rare that someone is into autistic Jungkook from Hackensack who works in Target, which– not that it’s relevant– was exactly the case with this date. He asked me out at work but left our dinner in a hurry as soon as he realized that I was weird.’
‘Oh,’ Jimin breathes into the silence that falls in the wake of Jungkook’s words. ‘Well, I am. Into Jungkook I mean.’
When he looks up, Jungkook is smiling. Softly.
‘And can’t you see why that’s a surprise to me? I came home from Everdawn ready to try and get on with my life without you in it.’
‘Hmm, well, how about you don’t?’
‘That would be great. I really missed you this week. It’s only been five days and I missed you like a real, actual pain in my chest.’
Jimin nods.
They share a small smile.
And he tries to hold back the words on the tip of his tongue then realizes he really craves the comfort and allows them out.
‘Kook? I cried all the way home when I saw you on that date.’
Jungkook frowns, then steps forwards and opens his arms and Jimin pushes himself up, meeting him in the middle and folding into them. Relief immediately floods through him at the contact.
‘Well, I cried on the way here.’ Jungkook murmurs into Jimin’s hair.
He lifts his head and their eyes meet.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘That’s OK.’ Jungkook nods.
‘And are you sorry?’
‘Probably. But you will have to specify for which bit.’
Jimin snorts and digs his knuckle into Jungkook’s ribs, making him yelp and they nearly lose balance and tumble into the couch. But Jungkook tightens his arms around him, keeping them steady.
When Jimin lifts his head, Jungkook is smiling at him.
‘Can we kiss now?’
Jimin laughs and then nods, reaching up to tug the back of Jungkook's neck and bring their lips together.
It's a different kiss to the ones at Everdawn, it's softer, slower. Jungkook holds him against his body, one hand holding the back of his head, the other pushing their chests together.
Then the tears Jimin was holding in start falling. They creep up his chest and he feels them first, that familiar ache on the roof of his mouth, before they break and run down his cheeks.
He's crying for a lot of reasons; happiness, relief, and maybe they just needed to go somewhere.
Jungkook doesn't notice at first. Not until they build enough that a little choked sob bursts from Jimin's lips where they're joined to Jungkook's.
He springs back, but Jimin grips into the front of his shirt.
'You're crying.'
'I know. I'm sorry–'
'Did I hurt you? Should we not be kissing, Jimin, I don't understand.' Jungkook looks stressed, a panicked expression on his face.
'No! No, I'm sorry, I'm just emotional. I was really sad this week because I didn't think you liked me.' He forces the words out through the tears. 'And I'm really happy to be kissing you. That we've talked. I'm just overwhelmed? And tired.'
'Ah, yeah. Me too. I'm tired. I was worried on the way here. You didn't answer.'
'I know. I'm sorry. Come here.'
He pulls Jungkook back and kisses him again, but gently, then he draws back, arms looped around his neck and their foreheads pressed together.
'I should go to bed.' He smiles. Soft. 'Maybe we could do something tomorrow?'
'Oh, ah, could I stay here? If you wanted me to obviously…only if it was OK.'
'You'd want to?' Jimin can't hide his surprise.
'I don't want to leave you. And I know your apartment, I know you. I should be OK.'
'Of course you can stay,' Jimin smiles, 'of course I want you to. '
Half an hour later, he’s sitting on the edge of his bed watching Jungkook tear through his clothes to find something he'd be happy to sleep in and rejecting everything.
Most items he sniffs, others he rubs between his fingers, sometimes on his cheek, before tugging at their seams or labels or buttons.
'God. This is useless.' He grumbles.
'Why don't you just sleep in your boxers…'
'Would that be OK?'
'Jungkook, you've been bent over them for at least twenty minutes. I think I've seen all I'm going to see.'
Jungkook stands up abruptly and subconsciously moves a hand to his ass and Jimin snorts.
'But boxers aren't bed clothes.' He sighs.
Jimin pushes himself up from bed and moves to stand beside him.
‘Tell me what you’re looking for. I’ll help.’
‘Uh, OK. Soft, but not thin. I like thick things, heavy.’
‘But you’re just in a tee-shirt now?’
‘It's weighted, look.’ He lifts the front and reveals strips of weights sewn into the hem.
‘Huh, that’s cool.’ Jimin reaches out and runs his finger across them, then past the shirt, his fingers tracing over the skin of Jungkook’s stomach. ‘How about if I promised to hold you all night? As tight as you want?’
Jungkook grins, reaching down to place his hand over Jimin’s and direct it across his skin.
‘Yeah, that will work.’ He bites his lips. ‘But I still want something with long sleeves please.’
They manage to find a sweater and pair of sweatpants that Jungkook says will do. Jimin grins at his back as he disappears into the bathroom and then shuffles between the sheets. When Jungkook gets back, he hovers in the door for a moment, biting his lip.
'Come here.' Jimin opens his arms and Jungkook slides into them.
And it feels good like that, it feels simple. Sleep creeps over him much quicker than he thought it would, soothed by the warm weight of another body pressed against him.
'Jimin?'
'Hmm?'
'If you, uh, if you wake up and I've gone, I'll message you obviously but just know it won't have been anything to do with you. Please.'
'OK,' he breathes into Jungkook's hair. 'Do you think you might need to?'
'No…I hope not. But I might.'
'Thank you for telling me.'
'It's because I can tell you that I can stay.' He murmurs, 'I'm safe to do what I need to do and that makes it…possible.'
‘Good.’ He whispers back. ‘Please always tell me.’
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
When Jimin wakes up the next morning, his view is filled with two huge, brown eyes. Jungkook is pushed up on one elbow, leaning over at him and smiling.
‘I’m sorry. I do know it’s creepy to stare at people sleeping.’ He grins. ‘But I don’t sleep much. Or deeply. And I was just so happy to wake up next to you again, so…sorry.’
‘That’s fine.’ Jimin grins. ‘Though I’m sure it wasn’t a great sight, I think I dribble…’
‘Oh, no! It was.’ Jungkook nods, completely earnestly. He shuffles forward and reaches out as if to cup Jimin’s cheek, but stops. ‘Uh, can I just…can we clarify, are we sort of seeing each other now? Is it OK for me to…touch you and stuff? Because I would really like to, but we didn’t really say that clearly.’
Jimin smiles, fond, then leans up until his cheek presses into Jungkook’s waiting hand.
‘Yeah…please touch me.’
Jungkook grins and then leans forwards to kiss him.
He also takes Jimin’s request incredibly seriously. In fact, now he’s allowed to, he seems to want to touch every little bit of Jimin’s skin.
In between kisses, pushed wet and warm into his mouth, Jungkook explores his body, peeling him out of his clothes, piece by piece, mouth across his skin, adoring.
To Jimin it feels almost like an act of worship.
By the time Jungkook is working on the hem of his boxers, the last piece of his clothing, Jimin is writhing, flushed, and totally hard.
There’s a magic in Jungkook’s touches.
Jungkook kisses across the skin just above the elastic of his waistband, from one hip to the other. Then he tilts his head up with a smile.
‘Can I?’ He gestures.
‘Yeah…’
His lips are on Jimin’s skin again, warm as they chase the fabric that he pulls away and discards somewhere on the floor. He pushes one of Jimin’s thighs up a little and then settles between them.
Jimin watches him, tension tight in his belly in anticipation of the touch to his cock that he so desperately craves.
And he isn’t disappointed, as Jungkook finally strokes along his length, his cock jerks in his hand and he shudders, his whole body rushing with warmth.
'Oh, you have a really nice dick!'
'What?' He croaks, because Jungkook hasn't stopped touching it, leaving Jimin's mind in two places at once.
'Yes. It's very symmetrical and pretty. Mine has a little bend at the end.'
Jimin throws a hand over his face and snorts, while a confusing burst of pleasure also stirs in his belly.
Jungkook is rubbing his thumb tenderly under the head of his cock, seeming to marvel at how it twitches in his palm.
'Everything about you is kind of symmetrical and pretty.' He muses, hand now circling Jimin's length and stroking slowly. 'On the outside anyway. You're not like you appear on the inside. I found that confusing at first. Then I really liked it.'
'I'm not?' Jimin's voice is choked, breathless.
He moves the hand from his face a little and peers at where Jungkook kneels between his thighs.
He's looking at him with total adoration. One hand still stroking his cock, the other gripped into his thigh.
'No. You're messy inside. And funny.' Jungkook tips his head to the side. 'And I think I love you.'
'What?' Jimin's eyes shoot open, he props himself up on one elbow. 'Jungkook, wh–'
'Sorry. Is that not a thing I should say when we're doing…this?'
He lets go of Jimin's cock and raises his palm a little. Shrinks backwards slightly, a frown appearing on his face.
'No…it's OK…' Jimin says, but slowly and too quiet.
He's trying to process things because this definitely isn't where he thought he would be a month ago.
'Ah, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.' Jungkook murmurs.
He's still shrinking back, eyes wide, then he bunches his hand and hits it against his hip. 'I'm sorry.'
'No! Don't be!' Jimin rushes to sit up properly, shuffling across the sheets until they're in front of each other on their knees.
Jungkook won't look at him.
'I said the wrong thing. I'm sorry.' He screws his eyes up. 'I'm just… I try to label feelings and I know that one. This one. Although it feels different, loving you, it feels different to others but I'm sorry. I was touching your dick and ah, I'm sorry Jimin, please don't ask me to leave.'
'Jungkook, why would I?' He whispers.
'I hate saying the wrong thing.'
Jimin reaches out for him and rubs his thumbs across his cheek bones. Jungkook relaxes into it a little and Jimin brings their foreheads together.
'I'm sorry for ruining it.' Jungkook bites.
'You haven't.' Jimin whispers. 'Will you tell me how you know?'
'What?'
'Well, I'm not very good at feelings either. I don't trust myself. I get stuff wrong. I admire you, Kook, how good you are at saying them out loud. So, can you tell me how you know? Or…why you think you love me?'
'Oh.' Jungkook nods, then sits up a little, his fists aren't clenched anymore but he's still frowning. 'Well all the obvious things. I want to be around you all the time. I could just sit next to you and be happy. And when you're not next to me I try to think about what you might be doing. And we have fun, and you make me laugh and you're really sexy and for some reason you let me kiss you and touch you. You like me more than Thalin. But then there's the swoop. You know that like–' he places his palm flat on his belly, just below his ribs, 'the swoop? Here? I got it just then because I was touching your dick and it made me– but then I realized I get it other times too? Not just dick related. Also just when you laugh. Or when you wear your elf ears.'
He cuts off and looks down, biting his lip.
'Right. That's, uh, good to know,' Jimin whispers, kind of at a loss after hearing such sweet sincerity. '…Jungkook I feel all those things about you too.'
Jungkook's face splits into a grin as vibrant as the sun.
'That's great! That probably means you love me too!'
Jimin laughs, a smile spreading across his own face.
'Does it now?'
'Pretty sure. Yeah.' Jungkook nods, his fingers trailing up and down Jimin's thighs now.
And there it is. The swoop. And something else too, a warmth like a blush over his entire skin.
'You're right. I do. I love you.' He says, the weight of it is nice on his tongue.
Jungkook looks up and their eyes meet.
'I'm happy about that. I love you too.' He nods.
Jimin smiles, then huffs.
'Can I get dressed? Or can you get naked? Things are feeling a little uneven here…'
He gestures at his naked body, in comparison to Jungkook who is fully clothed.
'You're still pretty hard.' Jungkook grins, teasing his fingers towards Jimin's cock. 'That's impressive. Or was it inspired by my love confession?'
Jimin swats his chest.
'I just have excellent stamina.'
‘I bet you don’t.’ Jungkook grins. Then he leans forwards and tugs their bodies back together.
His kiss isn’t patient, but hard and insistent and Jimin lets himself be lost to it.
He feels loved.
Jungkook loves him.
And now those words are out there it’s so obvious to him. It’s obvious in how Jungkook cares for him.
Right now it’s obvious in the way Jungkook worships his body.
He’s hungry and adoring, making happy exclamations and moans at how Jimin writhes and responds to him when he pushes him back into the sheets and kisses every inch of his skin again. He kisses down Jimin’s ribs, down across his hip, until he’s settled back between his thighs.
‘Before my badly timed love confession,’ he whispers across his tender skin, one hand massaging the flesh on Jimin’s hip, ‘I was about to suck you off. Can I now?’
He grins a little, licks the pointed end of his tongue across the crease of Jimin’s thighs so that he shudders and moans.
‘Yeah, please, yeah.’
‘Wrap your legs around me, hold my hair, I like that feeling.’
Jimin does what he says, and he’s grateful for it when Jungkook’s lips sink around him. There’s no guile to it, he fully takes Jimin into his mouth, his tongue swirling around him and then straight to the back of his throat. Jimin’s legs tighten around his back.
Jungkook seems to enjoy it just as much, moaning around Jimin’s cock and blatantly grinding and humping against the mattress. The vibrations from his moans feel like electricity up Jimin’s spine.
He sinks his fingers into his hair and tugs hard, and it only seems to spur Jungkook on.
Until Jimin uses the leverage to tug him away with a gasp.
‘Fuck, Kook, you’re going to make me cum already.’
‘I thought you said you had excellent stamina?’
‘Yeah, fuck, not when you do that.’
‘Well, then…cum.’ He grins and goes to sink back down but Jimin tightens his hold.
Jungkook looks exquisite, eyes wide and lust filled, his lips wet and red.
‘Don’t you, uh, don’t you want to do anything else?’ Jimin wavers.
‘I want whatever you want.’
‘Well. I want you to feel good too…’
‘I do.’
‘I know, I mean…’
'Do you want to have sex?’ He tilts his head a little. ‘You promised me you’d be clear. Is that what you want?’
‘Yeah, I…that’s what I want.’
And he does. Like it’s crawling under his skin like fire, like a burn, he wants to be pressed against Jungkook until they combine.
‘I know it's your first time, and–' Jungkook frowns, kissing along Jimin's thigh, 'I don't bottom. So that wouldn’t be an option, but, god, if it’s something you want, god Jimin I would love to fuck you.’
His words are so earnest and so fucking hot in his eagerness that Jimin’s cock jerks at the thought and Jungkook smirks and presses a messy kiss to it.
Jimin reaches down and strokes his face and Jungkook nuzzles into it.
'I want to. I really want to.' He whispers.
Jungkook nods.
‘I know from research it can be a bit uncomfortable at first. But I'll look after you. After you said you were a virgin I looked up lots of articles about bottoming for the first time.’ Jungkook nods earnestly. ‘Once you sift through all the porn there really are a lot of very helpful resources out there.’
He kisses the soft flesh of Jimin’s thigh again and Jimin squirms.
‘You also watched a lot of the porn too, didn’t you?’ He smiles, peeking down as Jungkook snorts.
‘...I watched a lot of the porn. Yes.’
‘I see you also assumed I’d bottom…’
‘Oh! No. Of course I didn’t.’ Jungkook sits up a little. ‘But neither of us ever have, so it was going to be relevant either way if we wanted to do that.’
‘You haven’t ever bottomed?’ Jimin pushes himself up on his elbows.
‘Hmm. No. I’ve never really trusted someone enough.’ Jungkook bites his lip. ‘I’m not ready for that with you either, but I think I could be, one day.’
Their eyes meet.
‘Come here,’ Jimin whispers and reaches to tug Jungkook back until he’s lying over him again, pressed together. ‘That means a lot to me.’ He kisses him. ‘Now, tell me more about the porn.’
He giggles but Jungkook is earnest.
‘Why? All of it already sucks in comparison to having you here, like this.’
And it should feel like a big deal, like a huge event. Losing his virginity that he held onto for so long for so many reasons. But it doesn’t, not in the end, because it’s Jungkook. And he loves him. And everything about them feels good.
🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻
Jimin taps his fingers on his thigh and darts a look at the door again. Nothing. With a sigh he turns back to the table and fiddles idly with his fork.
It’s burnished gold, pretty, and picked to compliment the deep blue plates and tiny star like lights of the centerpiece.
Tae always sets an incredible table.
But Jimin is still bored. He’s behaved impeccably though and made it all the way to the after dinner drinks.
Unlike some.
There’s a ripple of laughter around the table and Jimin lifts his head, plastering a grin on his face so nobody notices he wasn’t listening.
Obviously Tae does though, when their eyes meet he’s staring at him sharply. Then he cracks, grinning, and rolls his eyes.
‘Go on,’ he mouths across the beautiful table, giving a quick wink, before turning back to the conversation.
Jimin huffs out a little sigh of relief.
‘Excuse me,’ he murmurs as he stands, folding his napkin and scarpering out of the room.
Nobody even seems to notice.
He checks the closet under the stairs first, but it’s dark and empty, though he smiles fondly at the little patch between the power mop and stack of cat food.
The kitchen is empty too. And Tae’s bedroom.
He finds him in the box room slash office slash oversized cupboard. Leaning against the wall, hands cupped around his phone, face illuminated by the screen.
Jimin smiles at him, leaning in the doorway.
‘You could’ve left.’ He says.
‘I wanted to wait for you.’
‘But didn’t want to come back down?’
‘No. They’re boring.’
‘They really are.’ Jimin smiles as he picks his way through the messy room and ducks behind a laundry rack to crawl over to where Jungkook is sitting.
He pushes between his thighs, nudging his phone out of the way with his nose. Jungkook smiles and pockets it, then leans down for a kiss.
‘Can we go then?’ He asks hopefully.
‘Let's wait until they all leave. I feel like the least we can do is help Tae tidy up.’
‘If you say so.’ He grimaces.
‘Keep playing though, I just wanted to be with you.’ He twists around in Jungkook’s arms until his back is pressed to his chest. Jungkook kisses the top of his head, then drops his chin over his shoulder so he can still see his phone screen where his arms are wrapped around Jimin’s waist.
And it’s funny how things turn out. Six months ago Jimin would’ve needed to be down there. Taking the right picture of the place settings. Making the right person laugh.
But the right person is wrapped around him on the floor of Tae’s box room, playing Pokemon Go in his lap.
The right picture was the one of the two of them in their full Everdawn kit that he uploaded to instagram two weeks ago. Elf ears and all.
‘Jungkook, you want to know something?’ He murmurs, playing with the plastic bracelet on Jungkook’s wrist. ‘I didn’t think there was anything wrong with me until I met you.’
‘Uh, that sounds bad. Did I make you worse?’ Jungkook falls still beneath him.
‘No! God.’ Jimin twists so he can tilt his head up and look at him. ‘I meant, I thought my life was fine. Thought I was doing the right things. But it wasn’t. I wasn’t. You were right when you said I was lonely, bored…sad. I just didn’t know what to change.’
‘But you’re not those things anymore?’
‘No. I’m not. I’m not lonely, I’m not bored…I’m happy. You make me happy.’
‘Good.’ He grins. ‘You make me happy.’
‘The day after I first met you, Tae said to me that you were the coolest person he knew.’ Jimin smiles. ‘And he was right.’
Notes:
Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this as much as I loved writing it!
I’d love it if you wanted to come talk to me about this fic on Twitter or my CC
Just in case you're as into this stuff as I am, here are the meanings for all the characters names (basically plundered from Tolkien's Quenyan and Sindarin Elvish):-
Jungkook ~ Thalin Calenaha ‘Tokki’
Thalion - n. Dauntless man; dauntless (Sindarin)
Aha - n. Rage (Quenyan)
Calen - adj. Green (Sindarin)
Tokki - n. Rabbit (Korean)
Jimin ~ Dalwen Fareanar ‘Daecu’
Dal - n. moon (Korean)
Elwen - n. Heart (Quenyan)
Farea - adj. Hunting (Quenyan)
Anar - n. Sun (Quenyan)
Dae - n. Shadow (Sindarin)
Cú - n. arch/crescent (Quenyan)
Cû - n. Bow; arch/crescent; waxing/waning moon (Sindarin)
Taehyung ~ Kkaebi ‘Bulgae’
Dokkaebi - n. Goblin, a mythical creature of korean folklore (Korean)
Bulgae - n. ‘Fire dog’, a mythical creature of korean folklore (Korean)
Namjoon ~ Eryn Raine ‘Fleabeard’
Eryn - n. Wood; Forest (Sindarin)
Raine - n. Peace (Quenyan)
Fleabeard - his little brothers are annoying
Hoseok ~ Estel
Estel - n. Trust; Hope (Quenyan)
Estel - n. Hope; masc pr n. Hope (Sindarin)
Yoongi ~ Aredin
árë - n. Day (Quenyan)
Aurë - n. Sunlight; day (Quenyan)
dîn - n. Silence (Sindarin)
Seokjin ~ Nuri Isilmirya ‘Tinnúviel’
Nuri - n. World (Korean)
Isil - n. Moon (Quenyan)
Mírya - n. Beautiful, work of art only (Quenyan)
Tinnúviel - n. Nightingale (Sindarin)
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