Work Text:
May 1998
Eddie won’t make the same mistake twice. When he says he’s going to be somewhere, he will be there. And when it’s the birthday of someone Steve Harrington very much cares about, it’s his priority.
Luckily, he has some, very much needed, time off and it’s Dustin Henderson’s birthday. Everyone is invited to a party at his place in Seattle, so Eddie asks Nancy if she can please help plan his itinerary and please make sure he is there on time. He doesn’t trust himself with these plans anymore.
Not after he missed Robin’s 30th birthday party in Chicago a few months ago. He said he would be there, and he planned to be, until a last minute decision from his record label meant he had to stay in New York instead. Steve was not happy with Eddie at all. And they haven’t spoken since.
Eddie has spent these last few months in a downward spiral. He can hardly sleep. Hardly eat. His healthy fitness regime has gone out the window and he smokes weed most days. His hair is long again, which he likes, but otherwise knows he looks like shit. But nothing matters anymore.
Not when Steve Harrington isn’t speaking to him.
The only thing that does matter is his found family. That infamous event back in March will be the last time work, or anything, comes before them.
Eddie has decided that he’s going to tell Steve today. He’s going to tell him how he feels, how he can’t live without the hope of maybe being together one day. How he loves him.
He’s got nothing else to lose at this point.
When he arrives with Nancy and Jonathan, he’s greeted by everyone in the narrow corridor. Almost everyone. Steve is nowhere to be seen.
Robin squeezes him tightly, and he tells her in person for the first time he’s so sorry he wasn’t there. “Eddie,” she grasps onto his arm tightly, “will you stop it? You’re killing yourself with guilt and you really don’t need to.” She is completely correct. The guilt racked up inside him is not healthy.
He tries to push past it and put on his best and bravest face as he greets everybody else. Will looks happier than ever, and a little bit drunk, as he clings onto Mike’s arm and they laugh together as Mike remarks on how shitty Eddie looks. “Are you actually a vampire now?” Mike teases and Will holds up his fingers in a cross in Eddie’s face. “Oh fuck off ganging up on me,” he pouts as he embraces them both.
He gets to Dustin last, who is clearly hammered already and very excited to see Eddie. Eddie is excited to see him too, but he can’t help but scan around, searching and wanting for Steve to show himself. He is here, isn’t he?
Eddie watches as Robin squeezes down the corridor and turns into the doorway leading to the kitchen. Steve must be in there.
And then there he is, standing sheepishly in the doorway, towering over everyone even with his head down. He moves his way around the group, greeting and hugging everyone individually. Dustin is chatting away next to Eddie, but he could be talking about literally anything as he hyper focuses on Steve.
Eddie’s racing heart breaks as he notices Steve won’t look at him, averting his gaze as he approaches. Eddie puts a hand on his shoulder, please fuck let everything be okay, “Steve.” Steve runs a hand through his hair, and whispers, “hey.”
“Everything okay?” Eddie asks, failing to think of any other question that could possibly wrap up all of the things he wants to ask. Steve looks up at him. Eddie wants to cry as he gazes into Steve’s brown eyes. He can almost see Steve’s pupils dilate behind his glasses as he takes him all in. He looks fucking beautiful.
“Everything’s okay,” Steve mutters. But at least he’s smiling. Thank Christ . Eddie’s hand is still firmly pressed into Steve’s shoulder. He rubs his thumb along his neckline, pad against soft, golden skin. Eddie’s stomach flips at the minimal skin-on-skin contact, fucking yearning for more. He just wants to wrap him up in his arms.
Eddie watches his thumb’s movements, and then realises the hope pendant necklace Steve was wearing when he saw him last, that he thinks about so often, is missing. “No hope?” Eddie pouts. “I still have it,” Steve says quietly. Eddie wonders if he means literally or metaphorically. Either way, he’s glad, and he pulls him into a hug.
Steve somehow still smells like the cabin. And Eddie realises that it must have been the cabin that carried his scent. His hair, all long and soft, is pressed into his face and he can’t help but inhale, fucking relieved he will let him hold him like this.
Eddie has to stop himself from kissing Steve right there in the corridor. He has no real idea where he stands, and he can’t take it anymore. Before he lets his heart overtake his mind, Dustin is crashing into them both, wrapping his arms right around them.
He can feel Steve grinning into his neck. “Okay, okay,” Eddie says as he escapes the three-way embrace, “you’re gonna ruin my hair.” Eddie removes himself from them both, taking one last look at Steve before heading to the kitchen with the bags of beer he brought with him, before he does something stupid, like kiss him.
Eddie very much enjoys spending time in Seattle. He recently bought a penthouse here, although he’s not sure why considering he spends most of his time at Dustin’s apartment when he’s visiting. He loves it. It’s small, the sofas are ridiculously uncomfortable, but it’s homey. They play video games, smoke weed, and order takeout. It reminds him a little bit of his life in New York with Gareth and Jeff before Corroded signed to their record label. It was a simpler time.
Eddie finds himself on the floor in between Steve and Jonathan. Jonathan is a heavy smoker, probably heavier than him now. He engulfs them in smoke as they watch Dustin and Mike play Crash Bandicoot on the PlayStation. Lucas, El and Will are sitting behind them on the back of the sofa, egging them on and screaming, arguing over who is going to go next.
Eddie glances over at Steve, who is laughing at the kids, who are no longer kids at all. “Wanna share?” Eddie asks Steve quietly, gesturing with his joint. Steve looks at him, nods and takes it between his fingers.
“Can you smoke? With your head?” Eddie asks, suddenly realising he’s never smoked with Steve before. Steve pulls this cute confused face that Eddie loves so much, but then he says, “it can make me a little…forgetful.” If Eddie does decide to tell Steve tonight, which he definitely very much should, he wants Steve to remember.
“Maybe you shouldn’t then…” Eddie teases lightly, reaching for the joint. “No, I want to, fuck it,” he smiles and takes a drag. And Eddie’s insides dance as he observes him.
He notices how Steve closes his eyes when he inhales. He holds the smoke in his mouth for five seconds, before parting his lips ever so slightly and letting the smoke escape. Eddie feels fucking high enough just watching him.
The beers and weed and conversation is flowing nicely. Everyone tries to talk to Eddie about the band, but as it’s one of the two main sources of his stress right now, he changes the subject, wanting to hear about them and their lives instead.
Eddie really wants to hear more about Steve. Wants to hear what he’s been doing, how he’s feeling. But he feels like his brain is going to implode as his hand resting on his left knee grazes against Steve’s right knee. Sitting cross-legged and close on the floor.
Steve puts his hand on his right knee. Their fingers touch. And like he’s been struck by lightning, Eddie’s brain tells him to get the fuck up. He immediately stands without explanation, and finds himself walking to the kitchen.
He’s sick of it, quite frankly. Sick of being scared, fearful of telling Steve how he really feels. He feels sick to his stomach when he replays the conversation they last had on the phone, when he missed Robin’s birthday.
They’re all getting on now. It’s been 12 years since 1986. Eddie is sure if it wasn’t love, he wouldn’t still feel like this every time he is around him.
He opens the fridge and grabs a beer. Then he hears from behind him, “what was that?”
Eddie turns, can of beer in his hand, and leans back against the fridge door, one foot flat against it. He shrugs as he sips, “I’m not sure what you mean.” Steve is just standing there. Joint in between his fingers, hands by his side on the other side of the kitchen island.
He’s silent. Eddie stares into him. He wants him to say it. He wants him to say, I want to touch you, so I touched your hand with mine purposely, and I’m confused as to why you walked away. “Tell me what you mean,” Eddie prompts.
Steve walks towards him slowly, until he stops at the island. Eddie locks his eyes. “Nothing,” he says, offering Eddie the joint. Eddie sighs, they really are getting fucking nowhere. He takes the joint.
“Are we going to talk about it?” Eddie says as he blows a ring of smoke into the air. “About what?” Steve questions as he takes a seat on a bar stool, resting his elbows on the island top. “About the last time we spoke. Robin’s birthday.”
“Do we need to?” Steve asks, looking down at the surface. Eddie hadn’t thought about it from Steve’s side before. He was only concerned about his own actions and how angry they made him. “We don’t have to. Just…” Eddie sighs, “I want you to know, I’m really sorry. I should have been there.”
Eddie walks towards the island, leaning onto the countertop on his elbows. He passes Steve the joint, “family should always come first.” He watches as Steve takes it and pops it between his lips. Eddie thinks about how it was just between his lips.
“You’re right, they should,” Steve says firmly, and then, quietly, “I’m, er, I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.” Eddie’s heart drops as he suddenly realises this whole ordeal must have been eating away at him too.
“Nah, Harrington, you had every rucking right. That was a shitty thing for me to do,” Eddie says, taking the blunt back and inhaling. He tries to hide the guilt that is clearly carved into his expression, closing his eyes as he lets his inhale overcome him.
When he opens his eyes, Steve is staring at him. The whites of his eyes airbrushed pink and bloodshot. A little glistening sweat beading across his forehead. He looks incredibly high. And incredibly delicious.
They stare into each other. Eddie just wants things to be right between them. But he has no fucking clue what ‘right’ even is. And he needs to touch him, to get close to him somehow.
Eddie breaks the gaze to look down at the burning-low joint. “Enough for one more,” he whispers as he takes a long drag and holds it. He leans forward over the surface and raises his free hand to lightly grasp Steve’s chin. He uses his thumb to pull down at Steve’s plush bottom lip. Steve doesn’t flinch, doesn’t move away. He, instead, opens his mouth on demand. They’ve been here before.
Eddie’s brain is muddled, slow-motion thoughts making their way to the forefront of his mind as he leans in, and lightly brushes his lips against Steve’s. Steve holds onto the wrist of the hand that Eddie is holding onto Steve with and he wants to cry at the firm contact. Holding him in place.
He opens his mouth, and lets the smoke float in. He hears Steve make a little moan and the tears fill behind his eyelids. He wants to introduce his tongue. Wants to lick his way into his mouth, taste the sun and salt and smoke that was passed from Eddie to Steve.
He loves him. He loves him so, so much. And he needs to tell him.
“Steve,” Eddie says quietly as he pulls back, “I…” He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and inhales. He’s going to do it, or at least he’s going to try.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and he’s met with a very pale Steve. His eyelids half shut, no pink in his face but all in his eyes. He looks like he might pass out. “Steve?” he asks.
He watches as Steve’s eyes roll for a split-second, then he looks up at Eddie with hooded eyes. Oh fuck. “You still with me?” Eddie asks. Nothing back. Okay, fuck…he’s no longer on planet Earth.
Eddie turns quickly to the cupboards and gets a glass of water. He places it on the counter top, then makes his way behind Steve. He doesn’t want him to fall off the back of the stool, something he can definitely imagine him doing.
Steve rests his weight back against Eddie as he sips on the cold water. “Aah. Thank you,” he says quietly. “It’s no problem,” Eddie whispers. He moves his hands to Steve’s biceps and strokes him, resting his mouth on the top of his head, “I’m here. I’ll always be right here.”
Eddie can feel Steve breathing deeply, his head lolling to one side. Eddie has him wrapped up in his arms. They stay like this, until Robin walks in.
“Eddie,” she almost shouts until she sees Steve, “oh… oh .” Eddie nods, “yes. He’s not okay.” Robin walks over to the other side of the island to get a good look at him. “Oh, fuck, yeah, he’s fully passed out,” she looks up at Eddie, and teases, “you look cosy though.”
Eddie rolls his eyes, “shut up and help me.” She nods and looks back at Steve, “Steve, babe, we’re going to move you now.” Steve, surprisingly, gives a little mumble in return as Eddie lifts him out of his seat from under his armpits.
They make their way awkwardly to Dustin’s bedroom, which is messy. Robin throws the pile of clothes off the bed and onto the floor and pulls back a knitted blanket for Eddie to place Steve under. He does so gently, and sits next to him. “You want me to stay?” Robin asks. Eddie stares down at Steve and pulls the blanket over him, “no, I’ve got it, it’s fine,” he says without looking up.
Eddie just sits and stares. He scoots back on the bed, so his back is resting against the wall, his hand resting on Steve’s calf. Steve is lying on his side with his knees up to his chest, the blanket tightly tucked all the way around him. He looks so precious. So pretty .
He reaches his hand over to Steve’s face, lightly tracing over his cheekbones. Steve shuffles his head down in the pillow in response, a little sleepy smirk painted across his face. Eddie remembers what Steve said about becoming forgetful if he smokes too much weed. He might not remember any of this.
But Eddie will.
He inches closer, moving slowly and quietly across the bed so that he’s lying behind Steve, so close to spooning him, propped up on his elbow.
He continues to stroke him. He remembers exactly how he did it back in the cabin, fingertips dancing over his face, stroking softly between his eyes and then through his hair. His heart swells and his throat becomes restricted as he tries not to cry. He was so close to telling him. But maybe, it’s not the right time. Maybe, it’s not meant to be.
Eddie isn’t sure how much time passes, but Robin has returned, and is now standing in the doorway. “He okay?” she whispers. Eddie looks over and nods, “asleep.” “And…are you okay?” she says. Eddie nods again, but he’s not.
“Eddie,” she says slowly. Eddie scrunches up his face, holding back the tears, for what seems like the thousandth time tonight. He looks down at sleeping Steve. His whole fucking world, who he nearly lost. Or maybe he already has and it’s all too late. “I’m fine,” he manages to say.
Robin walks towards him and stands at the foot of the bed, “you take good care of him,” she says. She stares into Eddie with her big, icy blue eyes. “So do you,” Eddie whispers. She shakes her head, “not like you do. You give him what he needs, I think.” “Maybe,” Eddie responds.
They’re silent for a few minutes, until Robin says, “Steve has never told me about the two of you.” Eddie absorbs the words. It can mean two things. It could mean it’s too much that Steve can’t bring himself to even confide in Robin, or, there’s nothing to tell. He looks up at Robin who seems to be reading his mind, “I don’t know what went down in the cabin. But I know it was something. You helped heal him,” she whispers, leaning over to put her hand on Eddie’s shoulder, “and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for it.”
Eddie smiles, turning his head to kiss her hand. “Thank you, Robin,” he rests his cheek against her skin, her knuckles pressed into his cheekbone, then adds, “for looking after him, when I can’t.” “Always,” Robin smiles down at Eddie. They stay like this, until Robin says, “come on, have a break, I’ll take over from here.”
Eddie could stay here forever, but his left arm has gone numb and he should definitely spend some time with the rest of the group. Somewhat reluctantly, he peels himself away from Steve, feeling the immediate loss of his body heat next to him as he stands.
He returns to the party and bursts into laughter as he sees Dustin and Mike fighting each other in a ball on the floor over the Playstation controller. They’re in their mid-twenties but they’re definitely still the same kids. They’ve never changed, and Eddie doesn’t think they ever plan on.
Eddie plonks himself down on the sofa. Lucas elbows Eddie playfully, “where have you been?” “Steve is passed out in Dustin’s room,” Eddie says. “Oh what a lightweight,” Mike says from the floor. “I think he overestimated how much he could take,” Eddie laughs as he leans back into the cushions, an arm on the back of the sofa around Will.
Will turns to look at Eddie, “you know you’ve been in there for three hours?” “Fuck, really?” Eddie says in genuine disbelief. Felt like ten minutes to him. But it could have also been forever. “Time passes when you’re having fun,” Will adds and Lucas smirks on the other side of him.
“Alright,” Eddie exhales loudly in an attempt to halt this conversation immediately and jumps down onto the floor, grabbing the controller that Mike and Dustin are fighting over to play the next game against El. “El, let’s play,” Eddie says as he sits next to her. El looks up at him from the floor and grins, “let’s go, Eddie!”
Eddie decided to crash at his penthouse last night. Dustin, Lucas and El stayed on the sofas and Robin shared Dustin’s bed with Steve. Will, Mike, Nancy and Jonathan joined Eddie at his place. They all could have stayed, because it’s absolutely huge.
Skyline views of the city and a huge open plan living space, with multiple bedrooms and bathrooms, enough for one each. But Will and Mike decided to take the huge L-shaped sofa in the living room, and Eddie couldn’t blame them as it’s one of the comfiest things Eddie has ever slept on.
Eddie didn’t make a comment when Nancy and Jonathan shared a room together. They were both high and Eddie wondered for a split-second if they maybe have a friends-with-benefits thing going on when they’re a little inebriated. But then he remembered it’s none of his business and if anything, he was a little jealous. Because it would be nice to have some intimacy with a familiar human being from time to time.
Eddie took his own bedroom, alone. As he got ready for bed, he looked in the mirror at himself in just his boxers, staring at the tiny tattoo on the outside of his thigh. He looks down at it, rubbing a thumb along the bumpy ink, remembering exactly how and why he did it. The little S.H. tattoo. Ingrained in him forever.
And then he laid awake, like he usually did lately, thinking about Steve and the fact he got to touch him tonight. But he didn’t tell him he loved him. That will have to wait for another time.
Eddie woke early after approximately two hours of sleep, and is now making everyone breakfast. Just cereals and coffee and orange juice but it will do. They all wolf it down, everyone feeling the effects from the intoxication the night before. Eddie is eager to get back to Dustin’s, and Will can tell, who thankfully tries to hurry everyone else up so they can head back.
When they arrive, Steve is still in bed. Robin is making breakfast with El and everyone goes for a second round. This time a hot breakfast of eggs, toast, and sweet baked beans.
Eddie can’t eat a thing as he’s nervous and anxious worrying that the joints he shared with Steve are the reason he’s not woken up yet. Blaming himself again. When Steve finally arises he’s wearing just his boxers and a pair of Dustin’s slippers.
“For the love of God, Steve,” Dustin exclaims with a mouthful of toast, “we’re trying to eat.” “I don’t want any chest hairs falling in my eggs!” Mike jokes, leaning over his plate, followed by a round of laughter from Will. Eddie thinks he would eat anything off of Steve’s chest. He tries to bury that thought deeply, and quickly.
He tries not to gawk but he can’t help himself. He walks over and pulls him into a hug. He can feel everyone around the kitchen island staring, until Robin offers everyone more hot food.
“You okay?” Eddie asks into Steve’s hair. His beautifully messy morning hair. Steve’s voice croaks as he attempts to speak, then he eventually says, “I'm honestly fine, just my throat is sore, and my head, obviously.”
Eddie immediately lets go and makes Steve a drink, pouring Alka Seltzer he grabbed from Dustin’s medicine cabinet into a glass of water. “Drink it all please,” Eddie says, the little glimmer of hope in his heart dancing as he tries to take care of Steve.
The morning passed quickly, and Steve didn’t stay shirtless for long, unfortunately for Eddie. It was news to Eddie that Steve was heading back to Chicago this morning. Eddie hadn’t realised this visit would be so fleeting and his heart fucking ached at the unknown of when they will see each other again.
When Steve embraces Eddie at Dustin’s front door, Eddie thinks for a second that Steve might not let go. He wants to ask him to stay, maybe at his penthouse, which would be fucking dreamy. But instead, he does let go with a little huff escaping his mouth. It melts Eddie from the inside out.
“Bye, Eddie,” he says quietly, looking right into his eyes. Eddie sighs, “Bye, Steve,” a beat, “Please just…fucking look after yourself.” Steve gives him this look, like ‘you’re one to talk’, and it hits Eddie hard. “You look after yourself,” Steve says pointedly.
Eddie realises then that he needs to get his shit together. No more moping around. He does need to look after himself again, because if he does, then maybe Steve will too, and then maybe they will both be alright. And even though he didn’t tell him this time, he makes yet another internal promise that next time he will.
And he doesn’t know it at this moment, but the next time will be in another year. They will both be back in Seattle, watching Mike Wheeler’s band. And their lives will change forever.