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When Taehyung was only sixteen years old and he had been trying his hardest not to fall asleep in his compulsory Wednesday morning physics class as he listened to his teacher go on about the solar system – believe him, if there had been freedom of choice, he would have selected nearly any other subject available – he learned that the closest star to Earth is the Sun, which is a little more than an impressive distance of 8 light-minutes away.
This idea felt rather strange to a young Taehyung, who glanced to his left to be met with the sight of his best friend hunched over his Naruto-themed notebook as he vigorously penned down sentence after sentence in his laborious mission to keep up with every word that came out of their teacher’s mouth. As Jimin jotted everything down at the speed of light, his tongue stuck out of the corner of his mouth in concentration. Taehyung thought he looked adorable.
Jimin was much, much less far away than the Sun, their shoulders separated by a mere twenty centimetres at most. And Taehyung, although he did not have much money to wager at the time, would have spent every last bill in his pocket and the piggy bank he kept next to his bed to bet that Jimin shone much, much brighter as well.
When Taehyung was nineteen and had been trying his hardest to not succumb to the ever-increasing pressure that was an expected yet unkind side-effect of a life lived under the spotlight, he experienced his first panic attack.
Consumed by thoughts swirling in his mind that continuously told him that he was simply not good enough and kept dragging his team down, that the other six would be significantly better off without him to hold them back, he completely broke down one night after having sat out dinner with the other members.
Jimin found Taehyung after he had returned from the restaurant, crouched by the window of their shared hotel room with eyes that were glassy and red from crying and hair that was sticking up in all directions from being clutched and pulled on in a state of trepidation.
While Jimin had been no stranger to feelings of anxiety and impending doom himself, he had never helped someone through a panic attack before. For the briefest of moments, his younger self was flooded with worries that he did not know how to help his friend overcome the rapid beating of a heart that was just as erratic as his breathing, that perhaps he would only make things worse and should walk back out of the door and leave Taehyung alone instead.
In the quickest of moves, he pushed those worries aside, overpowered by the need to help his distressed friend. He sat down in front of the younger and gently pried his trembling hands away from where they were pulling so hard at the dark, messy strands, that Jimin feared it would cause a headache later on. If the crying and the lack of oxygen influx to his brain had not taken care of that already, that was.
Jimin whispered countless kind words to Taehyung, words the younger struggled to believe, before softly asking him to breathe together. In and out, and in and out, as Jimin held Taehyung’s shaking hands in one of his own and used the other to gently caress the tensed-up shoulders that had been carrying the heavy weight of the world for quite some time already.
Like the combined forces of the Sun and the Moon made it so that the water of the vast oceans ebbed and flowed between the tides, Jimin helped Taehyung inhale and exhale until, eventually, breathing no longer seemed like an insurmountable task and his mind felt a little more at peace.
That night, as Jimin held the younger boy tightly against his chest as they laid underneath soft, warm sheets and a starless sky, Taehyung thought to himself that perhaps Jimin could be both his Sun and his Moon. That night, in the protective hold of his best friend, Taehyung slept more peacefully than he had in ages.
When Taehyung was twenty-one and he was slowly becoming ever more aware of the not-so-little crush he had begun to harbour for his celestial friend, he sat down on a blanket next to Jimin in the park closest to their dorm around midnight one night.
They used to come there all the time. Sometimes it had been to talk until the light of the early morning sun started to peek through the branches of the trees, other times they had just existed tranquilly in each other’s presence.
The dark space, illuminated only by the mellow light of the moon that celebrated the arrival of a new day, had been a welcome change from the harsh light of the stage and the unnaturally bright lights in the practice room they spent the majority of their days in.
As Taehyung sat down on that blanket, basking in the light of the crescent moon, he turned to his left and found the stars in Jimin’s eyes.
When Taehyung was twenty-four and his feelings for his best friend had not once wavered, only grown deeper over time, he realised that Jimin was his whole universe. And if the theories were right and there existed infinitely many different universes, with only an atom’s difference between each like the article he’d once read out of sheer boredom had told him, well…
He could only hope that every last one of them existed, for he wished there to be infinitely many Taehyung’s who could tightly hold on to the hands of infinitely many Jimin’s to make him feel protected and cherished, who could find infinitely many ways to kiss him on each and every square centimetre of his adorable pouty face, and who could find infinitely many words to tell him just how loved he is.
Now, nearing the age of twenty-six, Taehyung wishes he had the help of at least one other universe’s Taehyung to find enough words to fill at least one sentence – just one, he is really not asking for much here, he thinks – so he can let his best friend know that even though Jimin surely belongs up in the sky with all the other moons and stars, Taehyung could not be more grateful to have him right here with him on Earth. And that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, Taehyung wishes for more than to always have him right by his side.
He does not think there is a single idea, a single sentence or statement of confession that has not crossed his mind yet, but he has rejected all of them. He wants Jimin to know he loves him, very dearly so, but he is afraid of putting his friend in an awkward position.
If Jimin’s feelings were to differ from the ones that Taehyung is consumed by, if his belly were devoid of butterflies that flapped their wings every time the two are in each other’s line of sight the way the ones in Taehyung’s do, then it might bruise Taehyung’s heart. And if Jimin’s eyes would turn sad as a side-effect of the guilt he feels for not reciprocating such feelings, then Taehyung is pretty sure it would cause his heart to break.
He does not think there is anything that would crush his soul more than to see the person whose soul it is bound to, be upset.
But if Jimin by some miraculous way does, in fact, nurture all the same types of love for Taehyung, then he is still stuck with the question of how to give his friend a confession he is worthy of.
Aside from the time he had knocked on his thirty-year-old neighbour’s door to offer her a single flower he had plucked from his mother’s garden and tell her he wanted to marry her when he was merely six years old, he has never confessed his feelings to someone he liked.
Perhaps such is the case because he spent the first half of his teenage years not caring all that much about romantic prospects and the possibility of taking someone out on a date, while he spent the second half slowly but surely falling in love with his best friend, even if he had not realised he was at the time.
And the fact that the person who has his heart is Jimin makes everything so much worse. Because this is not a case of a simple I like you, will you go out with me sometime? This is a person – nay, the person – he already loves to bits, whom he cannot envision his life without, the one person he wants to explore every type of love that exists in this universe with.
How is he supposed to condense all of that love, all of his deepest desires, into a sentence or two?
And once he finally finds the right way to let Jimin know how he feels about him, how will he ever gain the courage to actually take that step?
-
Strangely enough, the solution to his predicament comes to him on a rather ordinary and uneventful Sunday evening, when he is cuddled up to Namjoon as they watch some nature documentary on the TV in the dorm’s living area.
For the past thirty minutes or so, he has not been paying any attention to the wildlife scenes playing out in front of him, his gaze instead focused on a loose thread in Namjoon’s jeans he cannot keep himself from reaching out to and playing with, despite the other’s persistent requests to ‘cut it out and just watch the documentary’.
Through lidded eyes that he struggles to keep open, Taehyung occasionally takes a peek at images of glaciers and ice caps on Antarctica before deciding the brightness of the screen is too much for his tired eyes and looking away again.
He feels exhausted. He is in that bothersome state where he is too tired to fully be aware of what is going around him and but at the same time too lazy to get up from the couch to brush his teeth, perform his night-time skin-care routine, and throw on his pyjamas before heading to bed.
Although he would prefer not to admit it, spending nights half-asleep on the couch is somewhat of a common occurrence for him. And if there is anything that repetition has taught him, it is that if he gets up now to carry out all those small pre-bedtime tasks, he will no longer feel sleepy by the time he is ready to hop into bed and he will be forced to lie awake for the next few hours to come. Usually, this means he stays right where he is, frustrated at himself for not heading to bed yet to at least try to get some of those precious hours of sleep.
He is not sure what exactly has made him so tired tonight. Perhaps the culprit is the low, monotone voice of the man describing the mating habits of the blue-eyed cormorant at a torturously slow pace, or perhaps his drowsiness and heavy limbs can be attributed to having spent the majority of his waking hours today in the practice room, trying to recall and perfectly carry out the intricate steps comprising the first half of their future single’s choreography.
All he knows is that he is too tired to watch and too tired to get up to do something else. So, as per usual, he resigns to being stuck here on the couch, craving a sleep he will likely not be getting for a few hours more.
And then something on the TV piques his interest.
All of a sudden, his eyes are glued to the screen, on which a rather adorable video of a young penguin waddling along a strip of rock-littered sand is shown. Taehyung loves penguins, and the navy-coloured tie emblazoned with festive-looking cartoon penguins in little Christmas hats in his closet is a testament to that very fact.
Taehyung watches as, every now and then, the feathery creature stops in its path to examine one pebble in the collection of thousands spread out on the beach before continuing its journey along the shoreline.
‘’What is the little guy doing?’’ he wonders out loud.
As if on cue, the living room is filled once more with the soporific sound of the narrator’s voice as he begins to answer Taehyung’s question.
‘’This young male Pygoscelis papua, a species more commonly referred to as gentoo, has started his search for a mate early. Now that he has found his dream girl, he is roaming the shoreline of Bertha’s Beach to find the perfect gift to court her with.’’
The camera zooms in on a small pile of pebbles that the penguin seems to be analysing in a rather thorough manner.
‘’Once he has found the smoothest pebble with the prettiest exterior, this young gentoo returns home to present his token of affection to his future girlfriend, so they can form a bond that will last forever.’’
The man drones on about the similarities between the gifting of pebbles between gentoo, some of which he notes mate for life, and certain wedding rituals performed by humans, but Taehyung is no longer paying attention to his words.
He feels much too awake, all of a sudden, the need to get up and do something burning deep inside of him. He nearly launches himself off the couch in excitement as he tells Namjoon in a secretive tone,
‘’Hyung, I have to go do something. Something important.’’
Namjoon, who was right there with him in the practice room and looks even more tired than Taehyung had before, merely waves in goodbye as he closes his eyes. Had he been less tired, he would undoubtedly have reminded the younger that it was the middle of the night and he should be heading to bed instead of out the front door. But Namjoon looks as though he is only a second away from nodding off to the land of dreams and Taehyung would not be surprised to find the older in the very same position on the couch when he returns. It would not be the first time their leader has succumbed to bone-deep exhaustion outside of the bedroom, and at least this position would be much more comfortable than the time he had drifted off on top of the cool granite of their kitchen countertop or the cluttered wooden desk in his private studio.
Although Taehyung is desperate to go outside as fast as he possibly can to fulfil the plan his brain has suddenly come up with, he makes sure to first grab Namjoon’s fleece blanket from the bedroom they have been sharing for years and thoroughly cover the other man’s body with the soft fabric that will hopefully fulfil its purpose and keep him warm enough tonight.
Namjoon’s toes are still peeking out from underneath the blanket, his tallness being a curse right now, so Taehyung returns to their bedroom to retrieve a thick pair of woollen socks of his own to slip on to Namjoon’s bare feet and make sure there exists not even the slightest chance that his hyung will get cold as he inevitably falls asleep later on in the night.
Namjoon mumbles a quiet thank you, the words coming out slurred to the point they are barely distinguishable. Taehyung smiles at him, even though Namjoon cannot see it. He kind of wishes he had his camera with him right now to immortalise the sleepy pout on Namjoon’s face and the way he clutches the sheets as though he is making a warm nest for himself.
But alas, looking for his camera would take too much time right now, and he is itching to finally go outside. So, he soundlessly slips out of the front door of their dorm building and into the cold January night.
Many hours later, Taehyung is still at the very location his heart was burning to get to, here in the dimly lit park that has been witness to some of his most cherished memories. One quick glance at his watch tells him it is almost 4 AM. A small smile makes its way across his features, arising wholly out of the fondness he has for the memory of another night spent at this very park, an event that had taken place at this very hour.
Perhaps he should be asleep right now, warmed by the thick covers with the black and gold stripes he likes so much and the hot water bottle that he never sleeps without in wintertime right by his feet, but the myriad of thoughts running through his mind at a pace too fast for him to keep up with have made it impossible for him to feel any sense of peace. And if he is honest, he thinks it is no coincidence that he has found himself at a place that carries so much meaning to him at four in the morning once again.
His knees ache from having been crouched down on the grass that is still slightly damp from the light drizzle that had fallen over the city a few hours ago. He had not even noticed the rain earlier tonight, the pitter-patter of the droplets against the windows so soft it had completely been drowned out by the sounds emanating from the TV.
Right now, however, he is very much aware of the wetness of the earth and the fact that he will most likely return from this nightly escapade with several green stains on his favourite pair of sweatpants that he now curses himself internally for wearing. He also knows he more likely than not will receive a scolding, albeit a gentle one, from Hoseok for dirtying his clothes like this.
But it is hard to let this discourage him when he is a man on a mission, even if it is starting to look more and more like his mission will turn out to be a complete failure, and all he will have to show for his trouble will be stained pants and sore muscles.
Nevertheless, he marches – or rather, crouches – on as he makes his way through the dark park, aided only by the limited amount of light provided by the flashlight on his phone.
It is a small park, spanning an area that usually would only take him around ten minutes to walk around, maybe twelve if he stops to admire the scenery or take a photograph or two. However, it most certainly feels a lot larger to Taehyung now that he is down on his knees, scoping the ground without his soulmate here to offer him pleasant company, supportive words, or encouraging smiles.
Although it is crucial to this mission that his best friend knows nothing about it, Taehyung kind of wishes he were here so he could slip his cold hands in Jimin’s and listen to the older complain endlessly about it while holding on tighter to Taehyung’s fingers and gently rubbing them to make sure they become warm again.
He wishes they could sit down together on the rickety old swing set that is surprisingly still standing, despite years of being weathered by the elements and despite seventy-percent of the bars’ surface being covered in rust.
He wishes they could talk about their dreams the way they did when they were trainees and their imaginative minds allowed them to fashion a variety of futures for themselves, each one brighter and more luxurious than the one that preceded it yet never coming quite close to the way reality has turned out to be.
He wishes he could take candid pictures of his friend every time he dissolves into a fit of giggles and his eyes become crescent moons, so radiant that they rival the glow of all the stars in the night sky combined. He reckons it would be of extreme difficulty to snap a proper photograph with such bad lighting as there is now, but he is fairly certain his best friend would look positively beautiful either way. He does not think he has ever encountered a type of lighting that made Jimin look bad, whether it be gritty flashlight of his phone or–
Candle light, late at night, as the two of us are sat together in some fancy restaurant sharing an expensive bottle of red wine, talking about our days as our hands inch closer, and–
He has to interrupt the train of thought his treacherous brain has supplied not-so-helpfully. If he thinks about the possibility of taking Jimin out on an actual date, he might very well stay rooted to the same spot all night despite the cold and lack of rest, incapable of doing anything other than dreaming sleeplessly and berating himself for not having the courage to at least try to make those dreams come true.
Or his heart might just explode at the mere thought of ending that beautiful date with a goodnight’s kiss. Neither option sounds very recommendable from a medical perspective.
So, he continues his journey through the park and wonders if it would be a lot easier to find what he is looking for if only he had his galaxy of a friend with him right now to illuminate his path.
After twenty more minutes of crawling through blades of grass with knees that scream in agony, Taehyung finally lifts himself off the ground and stumbles in the direction of the old swing set.
He plops down on one of the swings, the one on the left, the one that Jimin usually occupies, and lets his head rest against the cool metal of the bars as he releases a deep sigh.
The excitement from earlier has not completely vanished just yet, but it has dimmed a little. The task he set for himself was not as easy as he thought it would be. Of course, he does not mind a challenge. If it is for Jimin, he is more than willing to put in all the time, effort, and money he has to offer.
But he does feel a little discouraged now that he has had some time to actually think his plan over.
He wonders if it was a stupid idea in the first place, laughable even. He thought he had finally found the perfect way to confess to his best friend, but he wonders if it is not so perfect after all. He needs to know if he is being ridiculous here, if he is better off returning home and worrying once more about how to let Jimin know about his affections.
He needs a little reassurance, too, needs someone to tell him that things will be okay. That he will one day find a way to express all of the love he carries with him before it consumes him whole, whether it will be this new plan he has crafted tonight or something else entirely.
He fishes his phone out from the depths of the back pocket of his ruined pants, struggling just a little to pull it out of the confined space it has been in for the past three hours.
He does not have to scroll through his contact list, nor does he have to think too long about the exact sequence of digits; his thumbs are already typing in the all-too familiar number that he has dialled on many occasions similar to this one.
Well, not exactly similar, of course. It is not like nightly hunts in the park are a regular occurrence in his everyday life, but the need for advice regarding his love life is not quite a novel one.
‘’Hyung, it’s almost 5 in the morning,’’ is how Jungkook chooses to greet him in the most deadpan of voices only two seconds after Taehyung pressed the call button.
‘’I’m sorry,’’ Taehyung replies. His apology is immediately followed by a worried, ‘’Did I wake you up?’’
He knows Jungkook usually goes to bed at a later hour, when the sun has started its uphill path again and the birds have begun to sing their lovely morning songs from their perches in the trees and hedges, but they have all had quite a long and physically strenuous day. The last thing he wants is to keep Jungkook from getting the rest he deserves and needs.
His worries vanish with the arrival of Jungkook’s response.
‘’I haven’t gone to sleep yet, actually.’’
‘’Oh. That’s good then,’’ Taehyung says, not entirely surprised by the reply.
It is not good, however. Not really. Not when they are expected in the dance studio for another long, tiresome practice session in a number of hours that he realises he can now count on only one hand. Jungkook should sleep. He should sleep himself, as well. They might be the most frequent culprits of staying up much too late, with Jimin coming in a close second, but he believes this must be some sort of personal record for the both of them.
‘’Where are you now?’’ Taehyung asks.
‘’I’m on a walk,’’ Jungkook answers easily. ‘’Just getting some fresh air and enjoying the beautiful weather.’’
Taehyung looks up at the cloud-covered skies that will paint the world in a multitude of shades of grey once the day has finally started. It is chilly outside, although that should not come as much of a surprise for such an early time on a sun-deprived January morning.
He lifts one eyebrow as he wonders briefly why Jungkook would assume Taehyung would believe such a blatant lie after having lived in each other’s company for so many years already. Surely he should know better by now.
‘’Bullshit. Now tell me where you really are.’’
Jungkook’s sigh is audible on the other end of the line and Taehyung grins at having successfully caught the younger in his bluff.
‘’I’m at a manhwa café eating ramyeon. I’m on my second bowl now.’’
As if it has somehow gained the ability to hear Jungkook speak, Taehyung’s stomach rumbles and the man instantly regrets not having brought some kind of snack with him. It has been approximately nine hours since he finished the last few bites of his dinner, and the Choco Pie he devoured when he started getting hungry again around midnight did not provide him with enough sustenance to last him all the way to breakfast.
‘’What kind of ramyeon?’’ Taehyung asks as he licks his lips, temporarily distracted from the reason behind his call by the mention of food.
When Jungkook asks if the type even matters, Taehyung insists, ‘’Tremendously.’’
When the younger finally indulges him – only after a sigh that was as prolonged as it was dramatical – Taehyung lets out a groan that is loud enough to entirely drown out the growling sounds produced by his empty stomach.
‘’It’s too spicy for me,’’ he complains.
‘’Well, I didn’t buy it for you,’’ Jungkook retorts. ‘’Anyway, I don’t think you called me at five in the morning to discuss ramyeon‘’ – Taehyung has to refrain from interrupting him to say he would most definitely call someone at any time of the night or day to discuss vitally important matters such as food – ‘’so you clearly called for a reason. So spill.’’
Taehyung really is not one for beating around the bush, preferring to just directly vocalise his thoughts, and so he gets straight to the point.
‘’Do you know any places that have pebbles?’’
Choking noises reach his ears and he really hopes he did not cause Jungkook to choke on his late-night dinner or early-morning breakfast. What a waste of good food, he thinks.
‘’You okay there, buddy?’’ Taehyung asks after a few short moments have passed.
‘’One moment,’’ Jungkook tells him, or at least Taehyung thinks that is what he is trying to say, but he cannot be sure when every syllable is interrupted by a sequence of uncontrollable coughs.
It sounds rather uncomfortable and makes him feel the need to cough himself. He wishes he could reach into his phone to pat Jungkook’s back to help him out a little.
After what seems like ages in the nervous state Taehyung’s in but most likely has been less than a minute, the coughing finally seems to have ceased.
‘’I am back and I have survived the ramyeon,’’ Jungkook announces rather solemnly, to which Taehyung chuckles.
‘’Now, what were you saying again?’’
‘’I asked if you know a place that has pebbles. Lots of them, if possible.’’
Taehyung can practically visualise the frown on Jungkook’s face, even if they are not in each other’s vicinity. He pictures the wheels turning in Jungkook’s head as he tries to process what in the world is being asked of him and, more importantly, why he is being posed such a ridiculous and unexpected question.
‘’What do you need pebbles for?’’ the younger asks with an air of confusion.
‘’Well, dearest dongsaeng of mine,’’ Taehyung replies easily, already having anticipated the question and prepared the answer, ‘’they are part of an elaborate plan of mine. Remember when we went to that bowling alley a couple of months ago and got plastered at that dingy bar afterwards?’’
Jungkook nods and says an affirmative ‘’yes’’ when he remembers Taehyung is not able to see his movements.
‘’Do you also remember that I confided in you about this… thing… this secret of mine?’’
Jungkook taps his chin as he ponders over the question. He feels like he should be able to recall this thing, or secret, instantly, but as Taehyung mentioned, they were very drunk that night. Besides, Taehyung’s general lack of filter paired with his tendency to overshare with the younger does not really help in determining what secret he is talking about.
‘’Do you mean the thing about you and Yoongi-hyung writing a ten-page love story with Namjoonie-hyung and Hobi-hyung as his two love interests that time you got stuck in traffic together for two hours?’’
‘’No! It’s definitely not that.’’
It is true that the two of them created such a story as a result of their boredom, feelings of frustration over being stuck in such a cramped space, and Yoongi’s lamenting that his two friends will never realise he has been head over heels for both of them for practically as long as he has known them.
To this day, he has no clue what possessed them to open the Notes app on their phones and jot down whatever embarrassingly dramatic confessions of love they came up with on the spot. Yoongi’s had been so poetic, so riddled with emotion, that Taehyung remembers questioning whether his words had really been a product of that moment or if they had been swirling around in Yoongi’s brain as wistful dreams for months or perhaps even years already.
‘’Oh,’’ Jungkook says now, ‘’then were you referring to the time you bought that pink thong as a joke and you thought it looked pretty good on you so you ended up buying it in six different colours? Which, by the way, I did not need to know about what type of underwear you wear.’’
‘’First of all, it was only five because I am responsible with my spending,’’ Taehyung protests, to which Jungkook snorts. The younger is undoubtedly recalling the time the other returned home with a shopping bag full of plush animals, which occurred less than a week ago.
‘’And I usually don’t wear any underwear anyway,’’ continues Taehyung, eliciting a loud groan from Jungkook and a roll of his eyes.
‘’I literally just told you I do not want to know about what you wear or don’t wear underneath your clothes, okay?’’
‘’Fine,’’ Taehyung replies. ‘’And by the way, that’s not what I was referring to, either. I was talking about the whole… the Jimin thing.’’ His voice goes a few octaves lower as he practically whispers into the phone, ‘’My crush on him.’’
A noise of understanding echoes through the phone as memories of Taehyung’s confession flood Jungkook’s brain at once.
‘’I see, I see. Although I would not call it a crush. If I recall correctly, you told me that night that you want to buy him a big house in the countryside with a swimming pool, start a petting zoo, and have many babies with him. I feel like that goes a bit beyond a simple crush.’’
Although Jungkook has quoted Taehyung’s words to near perfection, Taehyung cannot help but feel a little defensive.
‘’I may have said something along those lines, yes,’’ he admits. On the other end of the line, he hears a slurping sound that indicates Jungkook has resumed eating again after the little incident from a few minutes ago. ‘’But if I recall correctly, you told me you wanted to buy the house next to us for you to live in with Seokjin-hyung, so we could be neighbours and have double dates all of the time.’’
No more food-related noises reach Taehyung’s ears, so he assumes Jungkook’s cheeks and ears are bright red right now as the man is momentarily too stunned to continue eating. His recovery comes quickly, however.
‘’We are not talking about any potential future love life aspirations I may or may not have mentioned while I was drunk,’’ Jungkook tells him, wasting no time in changing the topic of conversation. ‘’We should get back to your ‘crush’ on Jimin-hyung. You still need to explain to me how that can possibly be related to pebbles.’’
Taehyung places both of his feet on the damp earth and pushes himself off the ground and up into the air a little as he thinks about the best way to inform Jungkook about his plan. Somehow, every version of the explanation he has come up with in his head does not seem to make that much sense. Or, any at all.
While he initially found his idea rather endearing himself, he is not sure others would feel the same way if he told them I want to show Jimin how much I love him by giving him stones because I saw on TV that is how penguins do it. Regardless of the way he decides to phrase it, it never sounds nearly as romantic as it had in his head back when he had been sitting in front of the TV with Namjoon, listening to that mind-blowingly slow narration and concocting his plan in the span of a few seconds.
‘’Kook, you know I’m not the most effortlessly smooth or cool person alive,’’ he begins.
In the background, he hears Jungkook mutter something about Taehyung being plenty cool and that he should not put himself down so much. It makes the older smile. Their relationship might include a healthy amount of teasing and playful jabs at the other’s expense, but at the end of the day they will never allow anything bad to be said about the other – no matter whether the harmful words are coming from an outsider’s mouth or their own.
‘’When it comes to love I am not ‘cool’,’’ Taehyung clarifies. ‘’I can show off my cool side when I’m performing in front of our fans, but when it’s just him and I… I don’t know. I feel so much for him that my thoughts could fill entire novels. So much that my songs pretty much all write themselves, because I have him as my muse. But when it comes to telling him these thoughts and feelings, you know, face-to-face, I kind of just shut down.
‘’For so long, I have been looking for a way to tell him I love him. Then tonight, I was watching this nature documentary with Joon-hyung and at some point, the narrator started talking about penguins.’’
He pauses briefly to let Jungkook process the information and adjust to the subject change.
‘’Penguins?’’ Jungkook asks, undoubtedly trying to figure out how each of these vastly different pieces – Taehyung’s crush, a penguin documentary, and pebbles – exactly fit together in the puzzle of his love life and this phone call.
‘’Exactly, penguins,’’ Taehyung confirms before continuing with his story. ‘’Did you know that penguins are extremely loyal and even have courtship rituals that are quite similar to ours? See, if a penguin falls in love with another penguin, they search the entire beach for-‘’
‘’A perfect pebble,’’ Jungkook breathes out, effectively finishing his sentence. ‘’Don’t tell me- oh hyung. Please tell me you’re not trying to court Jimin-hyung with pebbles.’’
A nervous giggle manages to slip past Taehyung’s lips before he can stop it.
It is enough of an answer for Jungkook to know exactly what Taehyung’s plan is.
‘’How did you know?’’ Taehyung asks. He lets go of one of the swing’s bars to scratch his head and only nearly manages to return his hand to its previous position curled around the metal in time to prevent losing his balance.
Jungkook sighs. ‘’You know how Yoongi-hyung and I sort of have this tradition of going out for lamb skewers and drinks at least once a month? See, when hyung gets a little tipsy, he starts spewing out all these fun animal facts he’s learned from watching those cute animal video compilations. You know how he searches for those whenever he feels stressed out about not quite getting a song right… It’s pretty adorable, actually. He knows so many things,’’ Jungkook says, trailing off with a smile on his face. He has to shake himself out of his fond thoughts of the older and remind himself to stay on topic.
‘’Anyhow, he drank a lot of whisky when we went out last month, like a lot, and he did this whole monologue about penguins. The pebble thing he mentioned, I think, twice… Or was it three times even? Doesn’t matter. So, you want to give Jimin pebbles like penguins do?’’
Taehyung needs a few seconds to process everything Jungkook has just said. Sometimes, he wonders if the younger knows just how fast he talks and how easily he makes the switch between topics. He supposes he cannot really blame him for it, not when he is fairly certain he has been guilty of the exact same thing countless times before.
One thing he does not need time to process for, however, is the tone Jungkook used to ask that last question. He had sounded like he was in disbelief, as though Taehyung’s idea of courtship was the strangest thing he has heard in a very long time.
‘’It sounds like you think it’s a bad idea.’’
He feels a bit conflicted as he awaits the younger’s response. On one hand, he has always valued honesty above anything else. Sure, he has told a little white lie or two before – only when strictly necessary, of course – but he generally does not like it when people answer questions with untruths, even if they do so to prevent harm or hurt.
On the other hand, he has spent the majority of the night meticulously crafting his plan while searching for the very thing that it is centred around. He has thought about when to give Jimin the pebbles, how many he wants to gather as gifts, what kind of pebble he is looking for... In the process, he has become somewhat attached to it. He is not quite sure how he would feel if Jungkook were to tell him now that it is the single most ridiculous idea he has ever heard in his life and that it is pretty much doomed from the start. If he were to confirm Taehyung’s worries that yet another plan of his needs to be dismissed, that he should just return home and cry over his inability to confess to Jimin.
Jungkook sounds a little hesitant when he answers, and all it does is fuel Taehyung’s nerves and uncertainty.
‘’Well… I wouldn’t say it is a bad plan per se. It’s a little unconventional, maybe, seeing as we are humans and not, you know, penguins, and pebbles are not commonly seen as something you gift to the person you want to be your boyfriend in the human world.’’
Taehyung supposes he’s right. He cannot say he has ever watched a romantic movie in which rocks were preferred over astonishingly large bouquets of blood red roses or heart-shaped boxes filled with dozens of delicious chocolate-covered strawberries.
If he could, there is nothing he would want more than to purchase every single rose available on this big blue sphere and offer them all to his best friend. He would pluck the sweetest, juiciest strawberries right from the fields and personally dip every last one in chocolate if Jimin told him he has been craving the sweet treat. But, alas, he knows such a gesture would warrant at least some kind of explanation, and the whole point of this pebble mission is to let Jimin know he makes his heart beat at the frequency of a pulsar without having to explicitly say so, because he seems incapable of doing that.
Which admittedly is a little strange, because if anything would require an explanation, it would most definitely be giving someone a seemingly meaningless pebble each day.
Not for the first time, Taehyung wonders if perhaps there exists a part of him that simply does not want Jimin to find out about his feelings, so that he does not have to deal with the possible consequences of that discovery and the rejection that may follow. The pebble plan offers him plenty of discretion while still providing him with an outlet for his love. It allows him to tell Jimin he wants to be with him forever – as a best friend, a soulmate, a lover, whichever way Jimin wants as well – without the risk of the other man actually hearing him.
It seems as though Jungkook has come to that very conclusion as well.
‘’Hyung,’’ he says in that soft voice that Taehyung knows means he is trying to be gentle with Taehyung’s feelings, ‘’I completely understand if you are scared to tell him you love him. It is a scary and nerve-wracking thing to do, because you never quite know what will happen or how someone will react. A lot of it is out of your control, and that makes confessing feel like climbing a mountain without safety gear, not knowing whether the rock will crumble right beneath your fingers and send you falling into the abyss, or if you will reach the top completely unscathed.
‘’But I think that if you were to tell him, with actual words instead of pebbles… I think that’d be okay. I have seen how the two of you are around one another for long enough to know there is absolutely nothing that could ever affect how deep the love between you two is. Whether it’s love between best friends or boyfriends or both.’’
Taehyung tries to swallow the lump that has started to form in his throat ever since the start of this conversation, and he blinks vigorously to wish away the tears that sting his eyes.
‘’I have tried,’’ Taehyung says, his voice breaking on the last word. ‘’I really have. But for some reason, I can never get the words out. At least not the way I want them to. Last time I tried telling him, I asked him out to a movie first. I dressed up nicely. I even got him this really nice necklace with a small diamond-encrusted moon pendant I knew he would love.’’
Jungkook sighs wistfully. ‘’So romantic.’’
‘’You know what he said?’’ Taehyung asks, the corners of his mouth already turning downwards at the painful memory of Jimin’s words.
‘’He told me it was pretty and then suggested I got a complimentary one with a little star so we could use them as friendship jewellery.’’
He remembers it all too well. He remembers how he cried himself to sleep that night. He had tired himself out by incessantly wondering and worrying if Jimin really just had not understood his intentions, or if they had been perfectly clear and this had been Jimin’s way of letting him down easy. By shutting down the suggestion of them as boyfriends before it could even have explicitly brought up.
The next morning, he woke up with a clearer mind and realised that Jimin would not have done something like that. If he had known of Taehyung’s feelings, of his desire to transform their evening together into a lovely date, then surely he would not have disregarded them like that. He would have wanted to talk to Taehyung about them, regardless of the ones he carried in his own heart.
Which left Taehyung with the conclusion that he had once again failed to communicate to his best friend that he really, really would like to kiss his cherry blossom smile and slow-dance together late at night after the rest of the city had gone to sleep.
‘’Maybe one day I will figure out how to make clear to him what my feelings are, but it feels near impossible now. I know this plan is kind of crazy, believe me when I say I do, but right now this is all I have.’’
He looks down at the ground and gives himself another small, sad push. A gust of wind makes what little number of leaves are left on the trees break loose and soar in the sky. Taehyung’s body dances with them as a violent shiver runs down his spine. He is glad to be wearing his winter coat with the warm woollen lining, but it is still no match against the harsh January wind. As he waits for Jungkook’s next response, he lets himself imagine he is in bed with his hot water bottle positioned at his feet and a heat pack clutched in his hands.
He ignores the part of his brain that wants to picture Jimin right next to him, there in that warm, cosy bed.
‘’In that case,’’ Jungkook’s says, ‘’I’d be a pretty shitty friend if I didn’t help you carry out your crazy idea and help you tell the man of your dreams that you are head over heels for him.’’
Taehyung immediately perks up – mentally but also physically, such that he nearly ends up accidentally launching himself off the swing for the second time that night. Luckily, he manages to get a firm grip on the rusty bars just in time.
‘’Really? You will help?’’ he asks, every word coated in a thick layer of relief and enthusiasm.
‘’Of course,’’ Jungkook answers. ‘’I think there’s actually a park very close to the café I’m in right now. There might be some rocks there. How about I send you the location and you join me for a bowl of delicious ramyeon before we search for your pebble?’’
Taehyung nods, his mind, heart, and stomach equally excited at Jungkook’s suggestion.
‘’Thank you, Kook. This means a lot to me. Truly.’’
‘’I know,’’ Jungkook tells him. ‘’That’s why you’re paying for my third round of breakfast.’’
The younger has hung up before Taehyung can bring out even the first word of protest. With a roll of his eyes and a smile on his face, Taehyung returns his phone to his back pocket and lifts himself from the wooden seat that creaks and trembles as he rises to his feet.
The smile does not vanish nor does the excited glint in his eyes fade as he makes his way to the manhwa café to meet Jungkook.
-
By the time they have finished the last of their ramyeon and Taehyung is done complaining about how spicy the food was – ‘’Hyung, I’m telling you, I ordered you their mildest variant’’ – the clock is close to striking six. They are not showing any signs of exhaustion yet, save for the occasional yawn, but they know the lack of sleep will likely take its toll on them during dance practice later today.
Instead of doing what some would call ‘the responsible thing’ and heading to bed with a promise to visit the park later in the day, they each order a bottle of the most sugary drink the café has to offer and empty two sugar packets each into the beverage for good measure.
The knowledge that they will have to suffer through a four-hour dance practice on tired legs and with aching teeth, courtesy of the energy bomb of a drink they downed in under a minute’s time, does not deter the two of them from making their way to the park Jungkook had mentioned earlier over the phone.
The park is only slightly bigger than the one Taehyung had spent the majority of his night searching in. It is mainly a grassy field, with trees lining its edges and no monkey bars or creaky swing set in sight. A single person is roaming the area, a small dog walking happily in front of them, clearly not bothered by the biting wind or the early hour.
Off to the right of the strip of green, there is a small stream. There are no lanterns in this side of the park, which makes the barely moving water almost invisible now that the sun has not risen yet. The thought crosses Taehyung’s mind that surely someone must have stepped into the stream late at night by accident once or twice. Luckily the water is not too deep, but he imagines it must be rather uncomfortable to have your pants soaked all the way up to the knee area, especially on a morning as cold as this one.
He retrieves his phone from his pocket again and turns on his flashlight, directing the small beam of light towards the water. He crouches down to look into the stream more clearly, despite any and all protests screamed at him by his sore thighs and aching knees, and lowers his phone until it is positioned just a few centimetres above the water.
A smile immediately breaks out on his face when he sees right there, below the glimmering surface, what might very well be hundreds of small pebbles in a variety of colours, shapes, and sizes.
He jumps up from the ground and throws his arms around his younger friend.
‘’Jungkook, you absolute genius!’’ he exclaims loudly as he squeezes him close, all the while holding tightly onto his phone so it does not fall onto the muddy earth or worse – into the freezing water where it joins the pebbles Taehyung has been looking for all night.
‘’I am pretty awesome,’’ Jungkook agrees as he offers Taehyung a handful of pats on the shoulder to let him know he is happy for him, too.
‘’Now, let’s find you the perfect pebble.’’
-
Finding the perfect pebble, it turns out, is not as easy as it initially seemed with legions of tiny rocks right for the taking.
For starters, during the night, the temperature steadily dropped to below zero. With how small the volume of the stream is and the way the water seems to dawdle instead of run, Taehyung can consider himself lucky that it has not completely frozen over yet. However, the low temperature does pose somewhat of a challenge, or so he finds out the very first time he sticks his hand into the stream to reach for a charcoal grey pebble that had instantly caught his eye.
As soon as his fingers are engulfed by the water, he lets out a loud curse and retracts his hand immediately.
‘’Fuck, that’s cold!’’
‘’Well, yeah, it is the middle of winter,’’ Jungkook, who has been watching from the side, deadpans.
‘’Gee, thanks, Kook,’’ Taehyung replies with a heavy dose of sarcasm. ‘’I would not have known this very simple fact had you not chosen to enlighten me with your infinite amount of wisdom.’’
Jungkook gives him an unimpressed look as he lowers himself to join Taehyung by the chilly water.
It takes them a while to adjust to the stream’s temperature, but once they do, they are plucking out pebbles by the dozen to examine which ones they deem pretty enough to be considered nice gifts. Soft apologies are whispered by the both of them every time they throw a pebble that has not met their standards back into the water.
‘’I like this,’’ Taehyung says suddenly.
When Jungkook looks up from the round black piece of rock in his hand, a few strands of hair fall in front of his eyes. He tries to tuck them neatly behind his ear and hisses when cold fingers come in contact with sensitive skin.
‘’What do you mean?’’
‘’This,’’ Taehyung answers as he gestures wildly around him with his arms, sending a few droplets of water flying in the process. Jungkook ducks just in time to avoid being hit by the other man’s hand or the cold water.
‘’Hanging out, going on adventures. We used to always get in trouble and get scolded together. The golden days, remember? Partners in crime?’’
He lets out a rather drawn-out and theatrical sigh before he continues, ‘’Jungkook-ah, what happened to us?’’
‘’Taehyungie-hyung,’’ Jungkook says, voice serious, ‘’we got scolded by Hoseokie-hyung just yesterday for being fifteen minutes late to practice because we decided to go out for ice cream, remember?’’
‘’Yes!’’ Taehyung cries out in an exasperated voice. ‘’And that was almost twenty-four hours ago. I repeat: what happened to us, Kook?’’
All Jungkook can do is roll his eyes as Taehyung dissolves into a fit of giggles that lasts until his teeth start chattering again.
‘’I was kidding,’’ Taehyung tells him eventually. ‘’But I did mean it when I say I liked this.’’
He scoots closer to Jungkook and nudges his shoulder gently with his own.
‘’I like each and every one of our little adventures, even if we get scolded afterwards.’’
Jungkook flashes him a bright smile despite the cold.
‘’I do too, hyung. I always like spending time with you, even if it means sitting in a park early in the morning to look for pebbles. I’d rather be here getting hypothermia with you than back at the warm café without you there to keep me company.’’
Taehyung coos at the younger’s heartfelt words and resists the urge to pinch Jungkook’s cheeks with his frozen hands that he has begun to lose feeling in.
‘’I don’t want you to get hypothermia, though,’’ Taehyung says. ‘’So why don’t we pack these up,’’ he suggests with a nod to the pile of pebbles lying between them, ‘’and go warm up with a cup of hot chocolate? My treat.’’
Jungkook nods enthusiastically at the promise of his second-favourite drink – banana milk will always remain number one in his book – and helps Taehyung stuff the free pockets of his trousers with the rocks.
-
‘’You know, Kook,’’ Taehyung says matter-of-factly, using his right hand to fish one of the pebbles out of his pocket and hold it up in the air as the fingers of his left hand remain firmly curled around the steaming mug of chocolate for warmth, ‘’you should give one of these to Seokjin-hyung to let him know you like him.’’ Once he has caught Jungkook’s eyes, he wiggles his eyebrows and offers the pebble to the younger.
Jungkook accepts the rock and responds as he studies one of the two small cracks on its otherwise smooth surface.
‘’Um, no thanks. I express my love in different ways. Personally, I’m more of an eat-his-food and smack-his-ass kind of guy.’’
Taehyung mulls over his words, but does not relent just yet.
‘’Well, maybe if you give him this,’’ he says, holding up another pebble, a brown one with a thin black line zigzagging through the middle, ‘’you will become the type of guy that eats his ass and smacks his… uh… food?’’
He places the stone on the table and blinks a handful of times in confusion.
‘’You get my point.’’
Jungkook squints at him. ‘’I’m not sure I do, actually. And besides, we are here for you and Jimin. This isn’t about me and hyung.’’
‘’All I’m saying is that it could be about both of us,’’ Taehyung tells him, taking a sip of the warm beverage in front of him. ‘’I feel so certain that hyung likes you, but I don’t think he will outright tell you. Maybe this is your opportunity to let him know how you feel about him, and he might finally find the courage to tell you he feels the same way.’’
Technically, Taehyung does not know if Seokjin has feelings for the youngest member of their group; Seokjin can at times be closed off when it came to his emotions, not wanting to burden another person with his sadness and the heavy feelings in his chest, and has never spoken much about liking someone in a romantic sense.
But Taehyung has seen the way Seokjin looks at Jungkook when he thinks no one is watching. He has noticed how the eldest always offers the fullest plate to Jungkook, how he has suddenly started cooking in their dorm more often. How Jungkook’s favourite dish has been on the menu at least once a week for the past few months.
He has noticed the blush on Seokjin’s cheeks that appears when the youngest moans around his spoon and proclaims loudly that Seokjin is the best chef to have ever graced the Earth with his divine cooking skills, despite the elder’s efforts to hide it.
He thinks Seokjin looks at Jungkook the way he himself has been looking at Jimin for years.
‘’He does not feel the same way, I know he doesn’t,’’ Jungkook says with a shrug.
He speaks the words as though he is indifferent to them, as though he has told himself this version of the truth over and over again, but the pink colour of his cheeks and hopeful shine of his eyes give away that perhaps Taehyung’s comments have made him ready to let himself believe in a different one.
At around eight in the morning, they slip past the front door of their dorm as quietly as possible and plop down on the couch next to a soundly sleeping Namjoon. They crawl beneath the blanket Taehyung had covered him with earlier, and the three of them sleep until Yoongi wakes them up an hour and a half later.
-
Taehyung gives Jimin the first pebble approximately one week later.
Until this very day, he has stashed all of the pebbles he and Jungkook collected together safely away in a draw-string bag that he keeps hidden in the back of the bottom drawer of his nightstand underneath a heap of socks.
After that night in the park, he spent a few days wondering if there really is no other, better way of telling Jimin he is in love with him, has been for quite a few years, and most likely will be for the rest of his life. But then he caught the sunlight glinting off the reflection of the necklace with the star-shaped pendant that matches Jimin’s moon in the mirror and felt the cool metal of its delicate chain against his skin, and once more he was reminded of the futility of all his past efforts.
Once he finally decided that, yes, he will most certainly be continuing his unconventional little plan, he spent another few days trying to think of the perfect place and time to give Jimin the first gift.
Just thinking about it made him so nervous that he decided to be easy on himself the first time around and do it in the most casual of settings instead of planning a whole night around it like he had done in the case of the moon necklace.
This morning, he finally feels ready to start the second part of his plan. Thus, he opens the drawer for the first time in a week, carefully selects one of the many pebbles stuffed inside, and slips it into his bag.
He is expected in the recording studio from 9 to 10 for a solo session and has a fitting appointment immediately afterwards so he will not be able to see Jimin until he has finished those activities. But in the afternoon, a group dance practice is scheduled. After the last note has been sung and danced to, and no more music rings through the speakers, Taehyung resolves to take his chance.
When that time arrives, after many hours that have left Taehyung feeling nervous yet excited in anticipation of his big moment, Taehyung waits until most of the people have left the studio and only he and Jimin are left.
He watches as his friend stuffs his empty water bottle back into his duffle bag and wipes the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand before turning towards the door. Before Jimin can reach for the handle, Taehyung taps his shoulder.
It is definitely not the most romantic setting; both of them are sticky with sweat, panting heavily as they try to catch their breath after nearly four hours of strenuous physical activity, and in desperate need of a hot shower, a pile of hot, carbohydrate-rich food, and at least eight hours of deep, uninterrupted sleep.
But a romantic setting is not what Taehyung is going for right now, and he thinks that he would not have had the courage to give Jimin this first pebble if they had been surrounded by candles and rose petals or on a walk in their favourite park at sunset.
‘’Can you, um, wait just a second?’’ Taehyung asks, holding up one finger.
Jimin, despite being visibly exhausted and ready to clean up and go rest, nods anyway.
Taehyung walks over to grab his own bag, which he had thrown into one of the corners of the room before practice commenced. His heart slams loudly against his ribcage as he takes small steps in the name of procrastination.
While the exercise had been effective in shutting down the part of his brain that still feels much too hesitant about his plan for the day, mind consumed instead with remembering the correct sequence of steps, no more distraction is now provided for him, and the insecurities spring to life once more. He moves as slowly as he can as he tells himself, You can do this, Taehyung, everything will be fine.
Unfortunately, however, the practice room is not infinitely long, and sooner than he would have liked, he finds himself standing in front of his bag. Reaching slowly past a fresh set of clothes, a towel, his phone and the connected earphones, and his water bottle, he plucks out the pebble.
He thumbs along the smooth edges of the sand-coloured rock he has chosen to be the first gift and tells himself to take a few deep breaths before he forces himself to turn around and face Jimin.
In short strides that he wishes were a lot more confident, he makes his way back to his best friend.
When he reaches for Jimin’s hand, the latter apparently thinks he wants to walk back to their dorm together holding hands, and interlocks their fingers.
Taehyung shakes his head and lifts Jimin’s hand into the air, gently unfurling the older man’s short fingers, the very ones he has spent hours cooing over ever since they met each other as teenagers. His own longer fingers brush against Jimin’s pinkie finger, which Taehyung has always had a soft spot the size of Jupiter for.
On Jimin’s flattened palm, he drops the pebble.
‘’This is for you.’’
He expects Jimin to be looking at his open hand, but his gaze is focused on Taehyung instead. The slight tilt of his head along with his raised eyebrows give away his bewilderment, but instead of asking Taehyung what on Earth he’s supposed to do with such a useless gift, he looks at him with a small smile that borders on the edge of bashfulness as he asks,
‘’What is the occasion?’’
The occasion is that I love you. I have been in love with you for so many years. You are my Moon, my Sun and my stars, all of the universes. I want to dance with you late at night and I want to kiss you silly in the morning.
The only way I know how to convey such a message to you, is to carry out this silly plan as if I am courting you like we are a bunch of penguins on Antarctica. Because every hour, every minute I spend falling more and more in love with you, I realise no words will ever suffice in expressing just what a wonderful and bright person you are and how much you illuminate my life every single day.
‘’Just because,’’ is the only answer Taehyung offers, the verbal equivalent of a shrug that makes it seem as though there really is no occasion, that the pebble is no big deal, and there is no point in looking for any deeper meaning. On the inside, however, he is set aflame as he nervously watches Jimin look down at the pebble, and studies his expression.
Before Jimin voices any follow-up questions that might have arisen after Taehyung’s attempt at providing the world’s vaguest answer, Taehyung reaches for his other hand and laces his fingers through Jimin’s before pulling him in the direction of the studio’s exit.
Later that night, when the two of them have sat down to watch a movie with Seokjin, Taehyung catches himself sneaking glances in Jimin’s direction the way he usually does during movie nights.
It is not that Taehyung has no interest in the movies, no, he loves them. It’s just that when Jimin is around, there is something much lovelier to watch.
He finds himself entranced by the way the colours of their TV dance on Jimin’s face and sparkle in his eyes. Never does he wish to miss the soft gasp that pushes past Jimin’s lips at the first kiss shared between the protagonist and their love underneath soft, sparkling flurries of snow, or as the sun paints orange and gold streaks in the sky at the end of the day as ocean waves lap the shore.
His heartbeat always increases in frequency when Jimin’s eyes start to glimmer near the end of the movie, when everyone has finally gotten their happy ending and it is time to say goodbye to the characters he has formed an emotional connection with in the two hours of watching.
But tonight, for once, Jimin is not left gasping for air as two pairs of lips meet at last, nor does the wetness in his eyes appear when only ten minutes of the movie remain and the main characters have finally reunited and confessed their undying love for one another.
For once, Jimin’s attention is taken away from the screen as well. Every time Taehyung casts a glance at his best friend, the latter is looking down at his lap, where he is twisting and turning the oval-shaped piece of sandstone Taehyung has gifted him between his fingers.
As Jimin toys with the pebble, a soft smile plays on his lips. Even in the dim light of their living room, Taehyung is able to make out the pink blush on Jimin’s cheeks that travels all the way up to the tips of his ears.
Taehyung feels immensely glad all of a sudden that Jimin seems so focused on his little gift that he cannot see the way his best friend is looking so enamoured at him, the expression on his face matching that of the lovesick main character on the screen.
And if Seokjin does see and sends Taehyung a wink accompanied by a fond smile, well, no one else has to know.
Taehyung goes to bed – at a more reasonable hour tonight – with a smile on his face and feelings of accomplishment and glee swirling around in his belly.
One room over, Jimin wears a matching smile as he places his gift next to the picture frame that takes up the centre of his desk, younger versions of him and Taehyung smiling happily back at him with ice cream cones in their hands and ice cream smears on their noses and cheeks.
That night, Jimin dreams of pebbles strung from the branches of a large Christmas tree like colourful baubles, while Taehyung’s mind shows him a beautiful scene of two penguins waddling hand-in-hand along a sandy beach beneath the gentle glow of a full moon.
-
Now that Taehyung has finally taken that initial step of giving Jimin the first pebble to commence his grand plan, suddenly it becomes increasingly more easy for him to continue giving Jimin one of the many small gifts he collected every now and then.
Before, he was consumed with worries that Jimin would not accept such a weird gift and believe it was one of Taehyung’s pranks or perhaps think it was trash and throw it back outside immediately. But now that he knows that his gifts, strange as they may be, will be greeted with a soft smile and starry-eyed look, Taehyung cannot help but feel excited at the prospect of giving Jimin his next pebble.
So instead of waiting much longer, like he had the first time around, he takes his chance a mere two days later when he halts Jimin in his path to the dorm’s kitchen.
It is with confidence this time that he holds out a purplish-brown rock that is slightly smaller in size than the one that had been the precedent.
He smiles as he announces, ‘’It’s a sendiment. Get it? It’s a sediment and a sentiment?’’
He revels in the way Jimin giggles in delight at his admittedly corny joke and he chooses to let the melodious sounds drown out the chorus of groans coming from the other end of the room, where Seokjin and Yoongi are in some sort of competition to see who can roll their eyes furthest back at the horrible joke Taehyung made in his attempt at wooing Jimin, even if Jimin does not necessarily seem to be aware he is in the process of being wooed.
Taehyung lets Jimin draw him in for a hug that seems to last a whole eternity yet simultaneously is not long enough at all and he smiles as the words thank you for the lovely sendiment are whispered against his neck, accompanied by another lovely giggle, before the older slips away from the embrace to fetch a bottle of water from the fridge and a green apple from the fruit bowl that always sits filled to the brim with a variety of juicy and colourful fruits on the kitchen island.
Taehyung watches him from where he stays unmoving, in desperate need of a few seconds to recover from having been in such proximity to an angel. Time may provide a cure for many things, but the breathlessness and increased heart rate he feels whenever Jimin’s eye smile is directed at him and he is close enough to inhale the faint yet lovely scent of lemon bodywash that always seems to cling to the older’s skin do not seem to be one of them.
He nods as Jimin asks him a question in between bites of his apple, without even knowing what he is being asked. Jimin chuckles as he makes his way back over to Taehyung and ruffles the man’s hair.
‘’My silly Taetae,’’ he says before leaving the kitchen and joining Seokjin and Yoongi on the couch.
Taehyung thinks he might need more than just a few seconds.
Later that day, the purple-brown rock joins the sandstone on Jimin’s desk.
-
Taehyung corners Jimin again the following Friday, right after the latter finished his breakfast and placed his bowl and coffee-stained mug in the sink.
He notes that Jimin seems to be in somewhat of a rush and recalls he was supposed to be in the studio ten minutes ago to re-record some of the background vocals for the bridge of one of the newest additions to the provisional setlist they have made for their next album.
To save Jimin time he does not have in the first place, Taehyung chooses to forego a silly joke and instead silently hands Jimin his gift. Another warm hug. Another sincere thank you whispered against his skin. By osmosis or some other process – Taehyung really does not remember anything he was taught in biology class nor did he ever excel in the subject to begin with – the kind words seem to penetrate his skin and enter his bloodstream before they travel straight to his heart.
Jimin looks like he wants to say something else, perhaps ask a question, but then he is being called and instead waves Taehyung goodbye on his way out with a promise of getting dinner together tonight.
The little drawstring bag hidden underneath Taehyung’s socks in the bottom drawer of his nightstand is slowly but surely growing emptier, while the collection of pebbles on Jimin’s desk gains another addition later that day when Jimin returns home after finally having finished his schedule.
-
The next time Taehyung searches for his best friend in the dance studio with a pebble ready in his hand, he does not even have to call Jimin’s name. The other is already patiently waiting for him by the door after another practice session, as if he had known beforehand that it was Taehyung’s plan to offer him another rock for his steadily growing collection.
It has become so easy to communicate with Jimin over the years, Taehyung thinks, for words have long become superfluous, and just a fleeting look shared from across the room is enough to convey exactly whatever it is they want to tell each other.
They are no longer the teenagers who did not know how to get their point across other than by fighting. Now, arguments are a thing of the past (mostly) and something they frequently laugh about and can think fondly back on.
The fact that their communication has become so good over the years does make Taehyung wonder why it is so hard for him to tell his best friend that he would very much like to hold his hand in a romantic way, that he wants Jimin to be the last thing he sees before he closes his eyes for the night, and that when he opens him again, he wants to be met with the sight of Jimin’s sleepy pout and messy bedhead. The most beautiful sunrise there has ever been.
Words, even if he could finally bring himself to say them, would not suffice, and his love-filled looks apparently go completely unnoticed by the person who is on their receiving end.
When he reaches Jimin, the other holds up his flat palm in anticipation. Taehyung decides to play dumb for a second and shoots his best friend a questioning look. He pretends to be confused as his eyes flit between Jimin’s face and his open hand.
The moment he catches Jimin’s eyes widen in shock and cheeks colour in what looks a lot like embarrassment, he cuts the act.
Before Jimin can retract his hand, Taehyung gently cups it in his own and places the pebble of the day – a smooth, white one with grey stripes that make it look a little like marble – on Jimin’s outstretched palm.
It earns him a slap to the chest, most likely payback for his little charade earlier, followed by the usual hug and whisper of thanks.
‘’Thank you, I love it. Love you.’’
Jimin looks a bit shy as he speaks. He laughs nervously at the shocked expression on Taehyung’s face.
It is not like they have not exchanged I love you’s before. They like letting the other know how precious and valued they are so they whisper those three words in each other’s ears when one has had a particularly rough day, tell each other the phrase of affection after a day spent in each other’s presence, partaking in fun activities or reminiscing about their teenage years.
It happens in moments where such a heartfelt statement could perhaps be expected and it happens spontaneously when the words are simply ready to burst out of them without their control. When there is no occasion, like Taehyung had said regarding the first pebble.
But today, in this moment, it catches Taehyung off guard. Maybe it is the eight letters that form such beautiful words, maybe it is the way Jimin says them, with that sheepish yet hopeful smile and those rosy, bunched-up cheeks. In that soft voice that he only ever seems to use around his only same-aged friend.
All he knows is that he longs to pull Jimin in for another warm embrace and spill his biggest secret, possible rejection and consequences for their friendship be damned.
But he doesn’t. As much as he wants to, there is a part of him that knows now is not the right time for any of that. No right time and no right words. Something always seems to be off. It makes him want to laugh and weep at the same time.
Taehyung lets out a long sigh as he watches Jimin leave the room, pebble clutched to his chest as he walks away with a spring in his step.
‘’He’s so beautiful.’’
Jungkook, who has now joined him by the door, pats his back a few times.
‘’I see everything is going according to plan. Good for you, hyung!’’
Taehyung has some serious doubts about the validity of such a statement.
If the plan was to have an outlet for all the love he carries in his mind and his chest like he so desperately needed to have, then he thinks the execution and result have been a tremendous success and failure all at once.
It has felt nice to express his love for Jimin so openly. Even if the older has not a single clue of the messages of love that are shrouded by a rocky layer, Taehyung has been able to tell him I’m so in love with you with each pebble he has dropped into Jimin’s awaiting, careful hands, like they are tiny pieces of his own heart.
He thinks there are not many people who would receive a pebble and then make the giver feel like it is the most wonderful gift that they have ever been given.
On the other hand, with every grateful smile Jimin has offered him in return, with every time Jimin wrapped his arms around the younger, Taehyung has caught himself falling even deeper. In all honesty, it is something he had not considered to be possible, not when he has fallen for Jimin so many times already.
He fell in love with Jimin when the latter returned to their dorm with four packets of strawberries that he certainly did not have the money for on a day that Taehyung was feeling particularly homesick, knowing his favourite fruit reminded him of the farmlands and the fields at home and always managed to bring him comfort on the longest, most dreadful of days.
He fell in love with Jimin when the latter scheduled an appointment to get his first tattoo after months of worrying whether or not it would suit him and if it was too risky to get something so permanent painted on his body. Jimin had asked him to come along because he felt nervous. Throughout the entire process, they had not let go of the other. Taehyung had been able to tell Jimin was trying not to squeeze his hand too hard so as to not hurt his friend. Even in a moment of pain, Jimin made sure to take care of him.
(He might have fallen in love with Jimin again when the latter proudly showed him the word inked across the right side of his ribcage and Taehyung assured him it looked positively gorgeous. He looked positively gorgeous.)
He falls in love with Jimin every time he sees him dance, when he sees the fire in his eyes as he is consumed by the flames of passion for the very thing he loves doing the most and lets himself get completely and utterly lost in the music.
He falls in love when he hears Jimin sing, falls in love when he has that cheeky look on his face that tells Taehyung he can only be up to some kind of mischief, falls so damn hard every time Jimin reaches for him and he realises once again how perfectly their hands fit together.
How is it still possible for him to fall further in love with someone he thinks he already has come to love in every colour, every shade, every way there is?
With every bit of love Taehyung releases into the world when he tells Jimin he looks beautiful that day, when he offers him an extra piece of meat during dinner to make sure he eats well or a pebble after dance practice to see that lovely smile, no time is wasted in filling the spaces in his heart with more love that flows in every time Taehyung catches stars dance in Jimin’s eyes.
If such is the case, then maybe his plan failed after all.
And if his plan was centred around confessing that very love to Jimin, then he does not think he has been all that successful, either. Because while Jimin definitely does look happy each time Taehyung shows up with another little gift hidden in his closed palm, he does not think the older knows why Taehyung keeps giving him these pebbles. Surely if he has known all along what they signify or has somehow managed to figure it out along the way, then Taehyung would have noticed a change in his demeanour, would he not?
Then if Jimin has not figured it out, if the pebbles are cute gifts to him yet seemingly meaningless, Taehyung wonders how he will respond when no more pebbles follow after the last one. Will he spend days waiting for his best friend to show up with a new one only to be left empty-handed, or will the whole tradition be as quickly forgotten as the snow melts under the watery shine of the early-spring sun?
Would it be better for Taehyung to return to the park with the stream that feels cold as ice and scoop out more rocks to offer Jimin? To just continue this whole plan until one of the three following scenarios comes to be: either Jimin figures out what the pebbles mean and confronts him about it, or Taehyung finally manages to find a way to effectively tell Jimin he is in love without any silly animal-related rituals needed, or he will just have to keep collecting pebbles until his old age no longer allows him to roam around parks in the cold of winter.
While the second one definitely sounds the most pleasant of them all, his track record reminds him that there is little he has not thought of yet when it comes to letting Jimin know he is in love with him.
The third one, well… While he would most definitely mind making Jimin smile every day and be on the receiving end of one of his warm thank-you hugs for the rest of his life, he is not sure how he would feel about going through life with all of his I love you’s silent and unheard. And what if Jimin falls in love somewhere along the way with somebody that is not him?
That leaves him with the first option. But he feels it is not fair to expect Jimin to magically reach into Taehyung’s brain and discover why his best friend has been giving him so many pebbles lately.
So he settles for this: when gives Jimin the last pebble, he will try to give one more hint along with it that the gifts have not been all that platonic.
And then maybe after the last pebble has been removed from the drawstring bag and joins the other ones in Jimin’s collection, Taehyung will have a better answer to the question concerning his the level of success of his plan. Maybe then he can really determine whether it has gone unexpectedly well or been a tremendous failure.
All of that seems like an awful lot to tell Jungkook, however, so he just says,
‘’Yeah, I suppose it is.’’
As the two walk out of the room together, he asks the younger if there has been any process in his love life.
Jungkook only grumbles, ‘’I’m working on it.’’
-
When the drawstring bag in Taehyung’s drawer has become nearly weightless and only one pebble is left in the large collection he gathered in the park a few handfuls of nights ago, Taehyung decides he does not just want to hand it to Jimin after practice or between schedules like he had done before.
What’s the occasion? Jimin had asked all those days ago as he had held the tiny pebble in his hand.
Taehyung had not been able to reply back then. And it certainly had not looked like a special occasion, there in the practice room, both of them drenched with sweat and ready to go home for some well-needed relaxation.
A hint, he had promised himself to offer Jimin along with the pebble. He resolves to make it an occasion this time around, one that looks and, most importantly, feels so special that hopefully Jimin will know that the pebble is not just a pebble and that Taehyung is not just giving it to him without any reason.
The seven of them are still busy, still very much in the midst of preparations for their upcoming comeback and the album release that comes with it, so he would feel guilty if he took up too much of Jimin’s time. But in the evenings, they have time to themselves most of the days, so he vows himself to give Jimin his last gift on one of those nights and try to make it as special as he can with the limited time he has on his hands.
-
That evening comes sooner than expected, only one day after his short conversation with Jungkook in the studio. Because, as it turns out, most of the other evenings this week and the following will not be fully free of work like he had foreseen.
It leaves him with much less time to prepare than he had anticipated, and his heart feels a little heavy at the thought that he perhaps will not be capable of giving Jimin an evening as special as he’d hoped, as wonderful as the older man is deserving of.
But if there is one thing he knows for damn sure, it is that he will do everything in his power to at least try.
So that evening, he rushes back to his apartment after his schedule for the day has ended. These days, he does not spend many of his waking or sleeping hours there. None of them do, really, despite all having their individual place away from the dorm. It is simply easier now to sleep over at their shared home instead of having to travel all the way to their separate apartments just to hop directly into bed and return early in the morning again.
But tonight, he thinks it is best to go to his place. The dorms are always busy, with seven people living in one shared space. Tonight, he likes a little more peace and quiet, a little more privacy.
When he steps inside, that very same peace and quiet initially feels strange, something he is not used to anymore. But he reminds himself that soon enough, he will have the loveliest company he could wish for. That very thought is what motivates him to set to work.
He has asked Jimin to come over tonight. He knows his friend has one meeting left for today, so that should give Taehyung about an hour and a half before he gets here and the apartment needs to be ready.
In the morning, he already bought most of what he needs for tonight. It was difficult, to say the least, to get up at an even earlier hour than is usual for him to pay a visit to the grocery store when it was so cold outside and his bed was so much warmer and much more comfortable as well.
But knowing the reason behind his early start of the day made it more than worth it, and now he has half a kilo of plump, freshly-washed grapes lying on the dinner table in the pretty blue-and-white bowl adorned with flowering cherry blossom trees. It had been a gift from Namjoon, or rather an apology, for the time he had borrowed Taehyung’s expensive pair of earphones and accidentally broken the cord.
A bottle of chilled wine that needs to warm up just a little bit to gain that perfect temperature and two bottles of soju sit next to the fruit. In the fridge, Taehyung has a six-pack of beer he bought specially for the occasion. Jimin has been rather into beer as of late, and Taehyung wanted to make sure he has everything Jimin could possibly want tonight available at his home. He makes a mental note to always have a few cans or bottles present in case his best friend shows up at his doorstep.
The freezer is currently filled to the brim with several tubs of ice cream in various flavours – none of them mint chocolate, of course – just in case they are still hungry enough after dinner to eat dessert. (Taehyung knows they will be. And even if their stomachs are full, they will just have to make more room. They always do.)
For dinner, he decided on keeping things simple. He knows he is not the best chef, and that is to put it softly, and while he would definitely not mind spending hours in the kitchen trying to fabricate something edible for his friend, he thinks he might just burst into tears if tonight he could only serve Jimin a dish that was either severely undercooked or burnt to a crisp. Besides, to make even the simplest of dishes, he fears he would need more minutes than his busy schedule is currently offering him.
For these reasons, he has purchased several cups of instant tteokbokki, figuring even he would not be able to mess up such a quick and easy meal. It might not be the fanciest or most complex of dishes and definitely does not resemble any of the food that is on the menu in the restaurant date fantasies that have been playing in Taehyung’s mind, but he recalls Jimin mentioning having a craving for the dish only a few weeks ago. And the meal reminds him of a precious time many years ago, scarfing down several portions of the stuff together at one of the stalls only a five minute walk from the high school they attended together.
To pair with the rice cakes, Taehyung has boiled half a dozen eggs, knowing it is a combination that Jimin has always loved. He has chopped up some scallions to refine the dish further and brought out his most ornate plates to serve the meal on.
On his way home, he picked up two orders of fried chicken – one spicy, for Jimin, and a variant with a milder sauce for himself. Although, he already knows they will end up sharing the food anyway, and it would be a blatant lie to say he does not love the way Jimin fusses over him when he complains about the heat on his sensitive taste buds or the dryness of his throat.
He makes quick work of setting the table when a glance thrown at the clock tells him an hour has flown by already and the moment Jimin arrives is approaching at a steady pace. In no time, he has covered the expanse of the dinner table with a burgundy cloth, spoons, two pairs of chopsticks, two napkins, and a set of wine glasses. He takes a pitcher of water out of the fridge, ice cubes clinking cheerfully against the sweating glass among thin, primly cut slices of lemon, and places it among the cutlery along with two empty glasses.
When it comes to decorating the dining area with candles, like he usually loves to do whenever he has time to eat dinner at home, he hesitates a little. While he would love for the setting to have a bit more of a romantic feel, he has no idea how Jimin would feel about that. He wants to provide that hint regarding his own feelings and wishes but he also does not want to overwhelm his friend. Candles on the dinner table may be a bit too much, so he decides to leave them out for now.
It is the first time he has been in this apartment in nearly two weeks and the realisation that he will not be able to try out the sandalwood-scented candle that has been sitting in one of his cabinets for the same amount of time already, just waiting to be used and fill the space with its delicious scent, brings a slight pout to his face.
In his haste to prepare the food and the table and his worrying over the appropriate amount of dimming of the lights in the living room, he nearly forgets that he is still in the clothes he has worn all day at work. They smell a bit, and even though this is not an official date, he still wants to dress well for his best friend.
He manages to squeeze in a quick shower, trade his joggers for slacks, and throw on a warm, fuzzy sweater in that shade of green Jimin said suits him so well and makes him look cosy, just in time for his guest to arrive at the front door.
The sounds of the spare key, which Taehyung had given Jimin the minute he had signed the contract and become the owner of this lovely home, jiggling and twisting in the lock makes him rush out of the bathroom, though not before he inspects his reflection in the mirror one more time to double-check no loose strands have decided to go awry.
He hears his best friend before he sees him.
A loud, pleased groan rings through the hall that opens into the apartment’s spacious living area.
‘’It smells amazing here.’’
Taehyung appears in front of Jimin, ready to take his coat and the compliment with a welcoming smile. Ha, he thinks to himself as Jimin toes off his shoes and places them next to Taehyung’s sneakers in the wooden rack by the door, no nicely scented candles needed after all.
‘’I cooked,’’ he tells Jimin, who lets out an impressed noise in response, as he leads him in the direction of the dinner table. They usually would settle on the couch for a little while first to catch up over snacks or perhaps a glass of wine. But the minute Jimin set foot in his apartment, Taehyung heard his stomach growl. Not wanting his friend to be hungry or experiencing any kind of other inconvenience, he decides they can start having dinner immediately and catch up in the midst of eating instead.
With a sheepish smile on his face, he continues, ‘’Well, I added water to the instant tteokbokki until it reached the red line on the cups’ interior, and then I put the cups in the microwave.’’
Jimin shoots him a fond smile.
‘’That’s good. Well done, little chef.’’
Taehyung knows he did not do much to deserve such a compliment but he feels a blush rise on the apples of his cheeks anyway. He hopes Jimin does not notice the red colour dusting the better part of his face.
‘’You know,’’ Jimin begins as he sits down at the dinner table and a steaming plate of deliciously smelling tteokbokki is placed on the placemat in front of him, sprinkled with the scallions and finished off with two halves of a hardboiled egg on top, ‘’I have been wanting to eat this for weeks already, but I never found the time to make it myself.’’
‘’I know’’, Taehyung responds as he puts his own serving down at the other end of the table before returning to the kitchen to retrieve the two bags containing their orders of fried chicken. ‘’You told me.’’
Jimin’s mouth falls open in an oh at the surprise of Taehyung remembering something so trivial, something he remembers having mentioned only in passing. Something he did not think anyone had heard or cared enough to properly register.
The O shape of his mouth transforms into a soft smile as he watches Taehyung move around the kitchen, bringing various more items to add to the already plenty crowded table. He is relieved to note the wood seems sturdy and is unlikely to collapse under the weight of all the food and beverages the younger tests its strength with.
‘’What would you like to drink?’’ Taehyung asks, opening the door of his fridge to reach for one of the bottles of beer. He holds it up for Jimin to see.
‘’I have this, and then there is soju on the table, too, if you’d like. Pomegranate flavour, I think, but I should also have a peach bottle lying around somewhere. There is wine, too.’’
Jimin chuckles and looks at all the possible options present at the dinner table and in his best friend’s hand.
‘’That’s too much, how am I supposed to choose?’’
Taehyung closes the fridge again with the green bottle still in his hand and opens one of his cupboards to reach for another glass. He makes a show of uncapping the beer and pouring the brown liquid into the glass. Jimin pretends not to see when Taehyung accidentally spills a non-insignificant amount of the bottle’s contents onto the counter, and he reminds himself to discreetly clean up the sticky mess when Taehyung inevitably heads to the bathroom at some point later in the evening.
He smiles again as Taehyung places the beer in front of him with a graceful bow. He goes along with his friend when the latter plays the part of a French sommelier, referring to him as monsieur and proudly accepting the merci Jimin offers him in return, even if he is pretty certain sommeliers usually do not serve beer.
He lets Taehyung convince him to try a glass of the Cabernet that is a staple in Taehyung’s kitchen and of his regular Saturday evening, even though Jimin does not care much for the taste of wine. And because Jimin has had such a hard time choosing his first drink of the night, Taehyung twists the cap off one of the soju bottles and gratuitously fills two shot glasses all the way to the brim with the fruity drink.
The three different alcoholic consumptions are not supposed to go well together at all, but they empty each of the glasses over the course of dinner anyway. Taehyung even tries a sip of Jimin’s beer and makes a face as the bitter taste hits his tongue. Jimin bursts out in gleeful laughter when Taehyung wastes not even a second in returning the half-full glass to its original owner and takes a long swig of his own glass of wine to rid his mouth of any beer remnants left on his taste buds.
They drink some more that night as they finish their meal and they laugh some more, too. Jimin thinks it has been a while since he last laughed until his stomach aches. He tells Taehyung as much, who agrees that work, while completely worth it when he gets to read their fans’ enthusiastic responses to new music and hear them sing along to the words of their songs during concerts, has not left much room or time for that lately. Although, of course, they do make some time during rehearsals to play a prank or two on their fellow members and goof off together with everyone.
Taehyung pours Jimin and himself another glass of soju. They exchange smiles as they clink their glasses together and toast to a successful future comeback and the health of their beloved fellow members before downing their drinks in one go.
-
‘’Thank you for dinner,’’ Jimin tells him sincerely as the night is slowly coming to an end.
After the last bites of food had vanished from their plates and the last drops of their drinks had rolled down their throats, they had traded the wooden chairs around the dinner table for the plush, comfortable couch in Taehyung’s living room. For the better part of the last half hour, they have been exchanging a tub of chocolate ice cream and the single plastic spoon it came with between the two of them. Most of the ice cream has melted by now and turned into a thick chocolate soup, but neither of them really seems to notice. They have been much too occupied with talking about everything and nothing; things they have seen or done recently, perhaps an intriguing episode of a show they watched before bed or a new book they ordered the other day that has yet to arrive, and things they have discussed over a thousand times already. They never quite get tired of reliving those conversations and stories, much like how they never quite get tired of talking to each other.
A quick look at his phone’s display tells Taehyung it is nearing eleven, and while this is not necessarily a time they usually would end the night at, it is of great necessity that they get the sleep they need during such a busy week. He feels a bit sad at the realisation that he has to say goodbye to Jimin soon. He hopes that maybe he will not have to.
‘’If not for you, I would have just gone home and ordered pizza or samgyeopsal again and spent the entire evening in front of the TV before falling asleep there and waking up with a crick in my neck.’’
‘’Ah, yes, because I have nourished you so well tonight with my stellar cooking,’’ Taehyung jokes.
‘’Well, that,’’ Jimin says, only hesitating for a millisecond or two before adding, ‘’and the company was pretty wonderful as well.’’
Taehyung blushes at his comment. It should not come as a surprise that Jimin likes to have him around; they have spent so many hours and days of their free time together even after having been in each other’s presence for most of the day at work already, so it should be clear that Jimin likes Taehyung’s company just like Taehyung likes his. But hearing it said out loud, in that sweet, gentle tone makes him shiver a little and want to kiss Jimin a lot. Not unlike other days, he has to fight his hardest to suppress the urge to lean in and ask Jimin if it would be okay if he crossed the line between friends and something else for just this one time.
‘’Do you want to stay over tonight?’’ Taehyung asks, trying not to sound too hopeful.
Enough of Jimin’s stuff is present at his apartment for him to comfortably stay the night. There is a navy-coloured sweatshirt they have fought plenty over concerning who it belonged to first. Jimin has steadfastly claimed it to be his, but Taehyung remains convinced that an item of clothing that reaches halfway down Jimin’s thighs and has sleeves so long that Jimin’s hands are enveloped completely by them, could only have been one of his own that he so graciously decided to lend to Jimin one day.
In the bathroom, there is a pink toothbrush in a holder designated for Jimin, and the older’s favourite lemon bodywash is ever-present in Taehyung’s sizeable collection of toiletries. Despite that fact, Jimin opts to use Taehyung’s vanilla-scented bodywash and strawberry shampoo whenever he stays the night.
‘’I want to,’’ Jimin answers, and Taehyung can tell from the look in his eyes and the sincerity in his tone that it is the truth.
Frown lines make their way across Jimin’s forehead and Taehyung wants to reach out to smooth them out.
‘’But I can’t. I really wish I could but I have to be in the studio at eight again.’’
‘’I can drive you,’’ Taehyung immediately offers.
‘’Driving there is not the problem,’’ Jimin chuckles, feeling rather fond of his best friend and how quick he was to come to Jimin’s aid. ‘’I will never get there in time. You know what happens when I stay over. I can’t possibly wake up with your arms and legs wrapped around me like you are some kind of octopus and not spend the first few hours of my day getting my required dose of Taetae cuddles.’’
‘’We’ll set an alarm for 5 o’clock!’’ Taehyung tries. ‘’We can cuddle for a few hours and then I’ll take you to work.’’
Taehyung hates how desperate he sounds, as though it is impossible for him to get through the night without his friend by his side. Even more he hates the yawn that escapes his lips the moment after, because he knows Jimin will use it against him.
‘’You need your rest,’’ Jimin says, like clockwork. ‘’I don’t want you to have to get up early to fulfil my physical needs.’’
He laughs despite himself, and Taehyung wants to say it is no trouble at all because he shares those very same needs. Because, yes, he does need rest, but he would gladly give up every hour of sleep tonight so he can bask in the feeling of being held in Jimin’s protective arms a little while longer.
But Jimin is already lifting himself off the couch, so Taehyung follows and walks him over to the front door. Because Jimin needs his rest, too, and as much as Taehyung does not want to see him leave, he will always prioritise his friend’s health over anything else.
He watches as Jimin puts his shoes back on and slips into his warm coat. Until now, Taehyung had forgotten all about the purpose of the night. As soon as Jimin had arrived, he had only been able to focus on making sure his best friend was eating enough and drinking to his heart’s content. He had wanted to listen to Jimin’s stories and he shared some of his own as well.
But now, standing in front of the closed door, he feels a certain piece of rock burning in the back pocket of his trousers.
‘’Thank you for tonight, Taehyung. I had a lovely time with you, and this was the best dinner I’ve had in ages.’’
Taehyung doubts that microwave tteokbokki and fried chicken is the best meal Park Jimin, multi-millionaire and overall a pretty decent chef, has had in a while but he does not particularly feel like fighting him on his, no matter how adorable his best friend gets when he pretends to be angry. He does not want to be the one to wipe away the radiant smile Jimin wears so beautifully right now.
‘’I’m glad,’’ he says instead. ‘’And I did too. The loveliest time.’’
He reaches out to close the top few buttons of Jimin’s coat with fingers that tremble slightly under the other’s watchful, silent gaze . Taehyung does not want him to get cold. He reaches to his left to grab his favourite beanie from his coat rack and places it on top of Jimin’s head. Again, because he does not want him to get cold in this wintery weather. And perhaps also because it makes Jimin look even more adorable than he already did. Whatever. Technicalities, right?
‘’You look beautiful tonight.’’
The words leave Taehyung’s thoughts and mouth without his control, but upon seeing the sparkle they cause to appear in Jimin’s eyes, he does not even want to think about regretting voicing such thoughts out loud.
The freezing wind outside is blocked by Taehyung’s triple-glass windows, and the flurries of snow that have begun to descend from the heavens an hour ago and covered the rooftops and streets in a thin layer of shimmery white have not found a way to enter Taehyung’s warm apartment, either. Yet, there is a rosy blush on Jimin’s cheeks, and Taehyung’s stomach swoops at the realisation that his comment has painted the other man’s skin in such a lovely shade. He kind of wants to do it again, makes it his mission, and so he reaches into the pocket of his slacks and takes out the last pebble.
It is the charcoal one. The one that first caught his eye that night by the stream with Jungkook. The one he unfortunately dropped back into the water upon feeling the freezing liquid against his skin. The one he spent a few minutes looking for again and happily plucked out of the stream.
The one whose colour reminds him of his best friend.
Perhaps it is not everyone’s favourite colour, perhaps some would think it is not warm enough or pretty enough, but to Taehyung it has always signified strength and courage, both of which are qualities that he has found in his best friend and admires him tremendously for.
It is the colour of a thick sweater you throw on in wintertime to make yourself feel warm and comfortable again. It is the colour of the clouds when the first rain is ready to fall after a long period of drought, promising to let the world flourish again.
It also looks a bit mysterious. And while Taehyung thinks he knows pretty much everything there is to know about Jimin, he has always liked the fact that even after years, he is being corrected whenever it turns out there is still so much more to learn about him every day. He likes that Jimin is his mystery.
As he lifts his arm, he notices his hand is shaking more intensely now and hopes Jimin does not take notice of that.
‘’This,’’ he begins with a small smile playing on his lips that betrays how nervous he feels in this moment, ‘’is for you.’’
He opens his palm and shows Jimin the last pebble.
He looks up at his best friend in time to see the bashful look on his face.
Taehyung does not think tonight has helped him tell Jimin he loves him, so his plan to hint at his feelings has not worked out as planned. But then he looks at Jimin’s flushed cheeks and
mission accomplished, he thinks.
-
The next few nights, Taehyung decides to stay in his apartment instead of the dorms. He usually likes having his six closest friends around at all times and prefers sharing his meals with them over slurping up bowls of galbitang from the restaurant five minutes away alone on his couch. He likes being able to hug them goodnight instead of heading to bed in a room he shares with nobody but himself to wish a good night’s rest to.
But occasionally, he likes being in his own space for a while. While there are not that many decorations in his relatively new apartment just yet, he likes looking at the walls to see the paintings he has adorned them with, some of which he bought after admiring them in the art galleries he likes to visit, and some of which are his own. He likes seeing Yeontan’s doggy bed in the corner of his bedroom, even if his favourite furry creature is staying at his parents’ place instead. And he thinks his heart probably appreciates a little bit of time away from Jimin so it can calm down, even if it simultaneously longs to have him close.
Jimin. That is the one thing his luxury apartment cannot offer him right now. The company of his best friend. Taehyung spreads himself out on the couch and snuggles a blanket to his chest, secretly wishing it was his favourite person he was holding instead.
Jimin decided to stay at their dorm again tonight. He has an apartment of his own, too, but it is a forty-minute car ride away, which he feels too tired for right now. And if he is honest, he has never really liked being on his own. He much prefers being around his friends or his family members, where he is not left alone with thoughts that make him anxious and feelings he has not yet learned how to decipher or what to do with.
There are not many people with him in the dorm tonight; Jungkook is busy packing his overnight bag because he came up with the idea to visit his parents and his brother at the last minute, and Seokjin and Hoseok have gone out for drinks together. As far as Jimin knows, Yoongi is already fast asleep in the room he shares with their oldest hyung because he is being uncharacteristically quiet tonight. That, or he has returned to his studio after dinner.
It leaves only Namjoon and himself. Jimin thinks Namjoon must be in his bedroom, so he fires a quick text asking his hyung if he is free to hang out. Normally, he would just barge in, because boundaries have long ceased to exist between the seven of them. However, because he is uncertain whether or not Namjoon has gone to bed early tonight, he figures a text is safer.
While he waits for a response, he exchanges the living room for his own bedroom which he shares with Hoseok. There is not much to do for him right now as he waits so he sits at the desk that houses the photograph he is so terribly fond of and the beautiful little pebbles that he has positioned in a circle around it. He touches the smooth surface of the charcoal stone Taehyung gave him the other day. It does not have funky lines or multiple colours like some of the others do, but beauty can be found in simplicity too, and Jimin thinks this pebble might be his favourite of them all.
He is not sure how long he has been sitting there, admiring his assembly of gifts, when five short, loud knocks against the bedroom door indicate Jungkook’s presence. Jimin grins at his own ability to recognise which of his friends has decided to grace him with their presence based on such small things, and his cheeks bunch up even further when the door opens and he sees it is indeed Jungkook who enters his room. After having spent so many years by each other’s side, especially in the early years when a lack of money had forced the seven of them to sleep in one room, he has learned every last thing there is to know about the others – from the sounds their footsteps make on the hardwood floors to the rhythm of their breathing when they have fallen into a deep slumber.
‘’I’m leaving now, so I wanted to come say goodbye.’’
‘’Aish,’’ Jimin says as he lifts himself off his desk chair and walks over to where Jungkook is standing to grab the younger’s cheeks. ‘’Only leaving for a night yet you wanted to come give your hyung a long, warm hug.’’
‘’Ugh, no, that’s definitely not what I wanted to-‘’
His words are cut off when Jimin wraps his arms around Jungkook’s shoulders, and he stops pretending not to want the hug. He gently squeezes Jimin’s waist to return the affection.
Over Jimin’s shoulder, Jungkook’s gaze wanders to the small desk and the abundance of items covering the majority of its expanse. Most of them fade into the background, because the picture frame and the handful of pebbles that the younger is familiar with are front and centre.
‘’Are those…?’’
‘’Taehyung’s gifts,’’ Jimin finishes for him without even looking, confirming his suspicions. He lets go of Jungkook and looks down in a futile attempt to hide the wide smile that makes his eyes sparkle with cheer.
‘’I see. And you’ve kept them all?’’
‘’Of course!’’
Jimin sounds scandalised, as if the mere thought of throwing out any of Taehyung’s gifts – no matter how unconventional and unvaluable they may seem to some – has taken him by complete surprise and makes him feel almost offended as well.
‘’You’re one smooth bastard, Taehyungie-hyung. Bravo, I am proud of you,’’ Jungkook whispers underneath his breath.
‘’What was that?’’
Jungkook shrugs.
‘’Nothing.’’
He hides his pleased smile from Jimin. He cannot help but feel happy for his youngest hyung. His plan seems like it has been going well, and if Jungkook thinks anyone deserves happiness, it is his two friends who he loves so dearly and who he clearly can tell are completely smitten with one another, even if they are oblivious to the other’s obvious affections.
‘’I best be going now then,’’ Jungkook says. He lets himself be pulled into another tight hug before leaving Jimin’s room, excited to see his family again in a matter of minutes. His mouth waters as he wonders what delicious food his mother may have prepared for him, and he is excited to think about which board games they will choose to play tonight.
Jimin follows him out of the bedroom not too much later. Namjoon has finally replied, telling Jimin to come find him in the living room, so they can watch some TV together.
When Jimin finds him spread out on the large couch, the older is flipping through the obnoxiously large number of different channels they have access to, seemingly unable to find anything that pleases his fancy despite the variety of choices. Jimin sits down next to him as the screen switches from showing some kind of foreign murder mystery movie to what looks to be a romantic drama with Jeju-do as its gorgeous backdrop. Namjoon does not seem particularly charmed by either.
It is only five or six channels later that he finally pauses and lifts his finger from the button that will take them to the next one.
‘’Hey!’’ he exclaims, pointing one finger at the TV. ‘’I’ve seen this before. With Taehyung, a couple of weeks ago.’’
Jimin looks at the screen and nearly coos at the cute little penguin waddling along the beach.
‘’He is adorable,’’ he comments with hands clutched over his heart. ‘’I love penguins so much.’’
‘’Do you want to watch this?’’ Namjoon offers kindly.
Even though Jimin would definitely not mind spending his evening looking at such endearing visuals, he shakes his head.
‘’It’s fine, hyung. You’ve already seen it before and I don’t want you to have to watch it again.’’
‘’Oh, that’s okay. I barely processed any of it anyway. Was way too tired.’’
Namjoon gives him a knowing smile. Yeah, they have all been a bit too tired lately. They love their work and they like being able to immerse themselves on a daily basis in the things they are passionate about but they are also very much looking forward to the two-month break that is awaiting them after they have finished promotions for their new album in the spring.
On the screen, the lovable penguin is examining a small rock. The narrator starts speaking again, and Jimin cannot help but immediately think, Gosh, this man has got to have the most boring of voices ever.
Even though the narration makes him want to grab his blanket and pillow, tuck himself in, and fall asleep, he does try to focus on the man’s words, despite his eyes having closed already.
‘’ – dream girl, he is roaming the shoreline of Bertha’s Beach to find the perfect gift to court her with. Once he has found the smoothest pebble with the prettiest exterior, this young gentoo returns home to present his token of affection to his future girlfriend so they can form a bond that will last forever. Some experts believe there to be similarities between the offering of a pebble by penguins and the presenting of an engagement ring by humans.’’
Jimin’s eyes shoot wide open, and he turns to Namjoon the second those sentences have registered in his mind and he has properly processed their content.
‘’Hyung! You watched this with Taehyung, you said? A few weeks ago?’’
Namjoon nods. ‘’I feel quite sad I was too tired to properly watch that day. I remember a part about cormorants but must have been half asleep already when they switched to penguins. It’s a shame, because this is rather interesting, don’t you think?’’
Jimin nods, eyes still wide open, much like his mouth is now that he has been hit with a certain kind of realisation that makes breathing feel a lot more difficult than it had one minute ago.
‘’Very interesting, indeed.’’
He sits on the couch like a statue, wholly and fully shocked, as events of the past few weeks replay in his mind.
-
It is only 9 PM yet Taehyung feels ready to get through his pre-bedtime routine and close his eyes. He does not know when he will be able to go to bed early again, no blank spaces left in his calendar for the foreseeable future, and he still needs to make up for all the sleep he lost that one night a while back. Yoongi once told him that it can take days or in some cases even weeks to recover from a sleepless night, so Taehyung figures he owes his body a little help with that.
He shuts off his TV and dims the lights in the living room. His empty, tea-stained mug is left by the sink for him to clean up the next day. As he is about to turn to his bedroom, he halts in his steps as the sounds of a sequence of rapid knocks on his front door reach his ears.
He frowns at the noise. As far as he remembers, he is not expecting anyone to come over tonight, and the package he ordered yesterday will not be delivered until next week.
As he marches towards the door, the question briefly crosses his mind of whether it would be a smart idea to stop by the kitchen to fetch a knife from one of the drawers or to grab the empty vase on the coffee table he has yet to buy flowers for.
He decides a weapon might be a bit extreme; after all, perhaps it is just his mother at the door, offering him a homemade meal or bringing over Yeontan to spend the night, because Taehyung recently told his mum he has been missing his doggy cuddles a lot.
When he opens the door, a little hesitantly as he is still not fully convinced there will not be an axe murderer on the other side, he is not met with the sight of his mother’s warm smile and kind eyes, nor does he hear the happy yaps Yeontan barks out whenever he is reunited with his human friend.
Taehyung would sigh in relief that it is not an axe murderer he sees, either, but all of a sudden it has become rather hard to breathe or do practically anything that requires something other than standing still and staring wide-eyed at the person standing in his hallway.
Jimin looks soft in his baby blue hoodie with the hood pulled over his head. A few locks of dark hair fall into his eyes, and Taehyung resists the urge to brush them away immediately.
He definitely was not expecting his best friend. Jimin has his own key to let himself in the way he usually would, and when Taehyung checked his phone minutes ago, there had not been any new messages from his best friend.
‘’Jimin,’’ Taehyung breathes out.
‘’We need to talk,’’ the other tells him in return, stepping into the apartment and pulling the door shut behind him.
-
They sit down on the couch together. Taehyung asks if he can get Jimin anything, a bite to eat, or perhaps a warm cup of tea. It is cold outside, after all, and it looks like Jimin forgot to bring a coat with him in his haste.
Jimin shakes his head and tells him it is fine. He is not thirsty nor does he feel like eating right now. He does not think any food will be able to travel past the massive lump that has taken residence in his throat since less than an hour ago. He stops Taehyung from going to the kitchen to grab one of the ice cream tubs left over from dinner a few days ago and tells him to stay where he is.
He looks nervous. Taehyung wants to ask him why, but Jimin begins to speak before the question can even travel from his mind to his lips. His voice is shaky, and it catches Taehyung by surprise.
‘’I was at the dorms tonight. With Namjoon. The others all went out for drinks or to visit family, and Yoongi-hyung… Well, I actually have no idea where he went…’’ he trails off.
‘’So, Namjoon-hyung and I decided to watch some TV together. I think both of us were too tired to go out anyway. And there was this nature channel.’’
His eyes search Taehyung’s face during a brief pause in talking. Perhaps he expects Taehyung’s face to light up with recognition as a light bulb above his head suddenly springs to life and fills in the rest of Jimin’s story for him. But there is no reaction, at least there does not seem to be one on the outside. Not yet.
‘’You know I have a weak spot for fluffy animals so of course when I saw a bunch of cute penguins waddling around the screen I just had to watch.’’
While the mention of penguins is enough for the switch to be flipped and finally make the light bulb shine its bright light, Taehyung’s face grows dark. He attempts to calm himself down, but any reassuring thoughts are drowned out by the thunderous beating of his heart. He tries to tell himself there exist plenty of different nature channels, and penguins likely are a popular topic. Many people find them incredibly cute, after all.
But then why would Jimin decide to bring this up tonight? Why does it look like he has cut his TV night with Namjoon short to rush over here and tell Taehyung all about it? If it had not been that channel, if it had not been that specific topic, then why is it so important for Jimin to talk to Taehyung about some documentary he saw a few minutes of right this instant? Why–
‘’This man started talking about how penguins look for the perfect gift to give to the penguin they like. Their mate. Do you know what this gift was?’’
Taehyung shakes his head, even though he already knows the answer. Maybe if he pretends not to know, Jimin’s answer will be different. Maybe he can trick his mind into believing it was a different documentary, one that covered a different species of penguin, a species that gifts the love of their life a pretty branch or a fish carcass instead of a rock.
‘’It was a pebble.’’
Oh, he is screwed.
Taehyung remains silent, because what is there for him to say? If he knew the right words, then he would have said them a long time ago. There would not have been a necessity to pick up rocks from a park in the night, nor would he have had to come up with a plan to give them to his best friend as a way of telling him he loves him.
No, he does not know what to say. And he does not know where to look, either. Luckily for his fragile heart, Jimin seems just as helpless in that department. His friend’s eyes are glued to the floor, then the ceiling, the window, then the dark screen of the TV – anywhere and anything that is not Kim Taehyung.
‘’It reminded me of the gifts you have been giving me the past couple of weeks,’’ Jimin continues. ‘’All those beautiful pebbles.
‘’And I wondered, could this all be connected? For a second, I thought I was being crazy. I mean, it just seemed too good to be true. Billions of people roam this planet and somehow the kindest, most beautiful soul has decided he wants to be with me? That his heart, made of love and pure gold, has decided it wants to be beat in pace with mine?
‘’But then, I remembered hyung saying he watched this documentary with you a few weeks ago. Which sort of coincides with the time around which you started giving me the pebbles. So, maybe I am not crazy after all. Or maybe I am. Maybe it is all one huge misunderstanding and I look like a massive fool for having showed up here tonight. But…’’
Jimin swallows softly, yet the sound rings loudly in Taehyung’s ears as it pierces through the silence that has fallen over the room all of a sudden. Taehyung dares to take a look at his friend, and his breath hitches when he realises that Jimin is finally looking at him as well.
‘’I think you are amazing, Tae. You are my best friend. I have no idea what I did to deserve someone as wonderful as you by my side – I must have been some kind of saint in a past life, if those exist.’’
Jimin looks nervous, but as he continues to talk, a tentative smile slowly begins to light up his features. His hands tremble, his heart beats loudly and wildly, but he smiles. It is something he cannot help, not when his favourite person is the topic of the conversation.
‘’You are beautiful. The whole world thinks so, because how could they not? But I have the privilege of having seen you right as you wake up, with your bedhead and with drool stuck to your chin. I have seen you with crust in your eyes and while you were wearing that tattered shirt with all those little holes and paint stains on it. And you looked like the most beautiful person I have ever laid my eyes on.
‘’And you are kind. You are so incredibly kind, and I think you do not even realise half the time what positive impacts your actions have on others. You took Jungkook-ie under your wing when he did not feel at ease as a trainee. You helped Namjoon-hyung calm down that one day when he felt so stressed out and said he could no longer be our leader because he thought he was not capable enough for such an important role.
‘’When your little sister called you up crying and saying she missed you terribly during our first year as a group, you took the first train home so you could cheer her up. You never asked for anything in return from anyone, you were just happy to help them through the hard times in their lives and offer a shoulder to lean on. You have always been there for me in my darkest times and you never shied away from asking me about the bad stuff and listening or providing me with distractions when I was too upset to talk about it.
‘’You are smart, too. A lot more than people give you credit for. You know a lot and you have a creative mind. You take the most stunning pictures and you paint the most beautiful of images with your golden hands.
‘’You are an incredible singer. That deep, baritone voice and your sweet melodies will be the death of me one day, I swear.
‘’I see you and I admire you. All of you. And I am so, so grateful to know you, every single day.’’
Jimin takes the deepest breath he has ever taken.
‘’I think you are magical, Kim Taehyung.’’
Jimin slips his fingers into the pocket of his hoodie.
‘’I don’t know how to do this but… what I am trying to say is…’’
When he retracts his hand after several seconds that seem to last several eternities in Taehyung’s mind, it is no longer empty. On his flattened palm lies a small, dark brown pebble.
For a moment, Taehyung’s heart stops beating. He thinks, this is it. Thinks Jimin has figured out exactly what Taehyung was doing when he was giving him all of those pebbles. That it was not ‘just because’ like he had said when Jimin asked him what the occasion was.
No, Jimin has figured out that Taehyung is in love with him. That Taehyung wants to be with him. And now he is returning one of his pebbles to let Taehyung know that, unfortunately, he does not feel the same way or wants the same things. All of those kind, stunningly wonderful words he had told him in the minutes before had all been to make him feel less devastated for when, ultimately, Jimin has to let him down.
It is as Taehyung has always thought; Jimin would never make Taehyung feel bad about his feelings or get angry with him. Instead, he made sure Taehyung knows how loved he is, how appreciated he is by his best friend, before he lets him down in the gentlest of ways.
It should make Taehyung feel sad to have discovered that this one type of love he feels for Jimin cannot be returned, but his friend’s lovely words and gentle comfort have only made him fall more in love instead.
Even if that one type of love is not reciprocated, he is grateful for the knowledge that Jimin loves him in every other way there is and the occasion to admire the older’s kindness and warmth once again.
But then Taehyung gives the small, round stone a second look and realises it is not at all familiar to him. He remembers all of the pebbles he has given Jimin – the purple-brown one, the one that resembled marble, and of course he could never forget the last one he gave, the one that he held closest to his heart.
The perfect pebble.
This one, however, he cannot recall ever having been part of the collection he had selected with great care to give to Jimin. He has not pulled it out of the freezing stream with Jungkook all those nights ago. Which means–
‘’It is not as pretty as the ones you gave me, I’m afraid. It’s honestly shocking how difficult it is to find a pebble in Seoul,’’ Jimin admits.
Taehyung would very much like to disagree. As Jimin reaches for his hand and plops the pebble onto his palm, Taehyung thinks he has never seen a piece of rock look so beautiful.
Jimin lets out a nervous laugh as he watches Taehyung’s mouth fall open while looking at the pebble, twisting and turning it in his hand, examining it like the penguin in the documentary had done.
‘’Could you say something to me, please?’’ Jimin asks, feeling a lot vulnerable and laid-bare, and much too nervous to wait any longer for a response.
Taehyung looks away from the pebble and into his best friend’s eyes. He realises he has not said anything since the start of this conversation and feels a pang of guilt at possibly having made his friend anxious with his silence.
It’s just…
He feels wholly overwhelmed. Because in the span of maybe five minutes, he has found out that Jimin knows what the pebbles mean. That he knows about their connection to the penguin rituals, and that they are a way of asking someone to be with you for the rest of your lives.
He knows all of that now yet he has not rejected Taehyung. Taehyung, who has worried so much that making his feelings known would hurt his best friend, sadden him, or make him feel guilty for leaving them unrequited.
But Jimin – sweet, wonderful, lovely, pouty, at times mischievous Jimin - showed up at his doorstep with the most loving of words and a pebble of his own. One that he has now given to Taehyung.
He still feels at a loss for words. Because for a human as beautiful and kind-hearted as Jimin, who encompasses all the brightness of the Sun, Moon, and Stars, how could any words ever suffice in explaining how special he is?
But then Taehyung looks at Jimin again, at that gorgeous smile and the hopeful sparkle in his eyes, and he thinks that maybe that one simple sentence, those six simple words, are more than enough. Because they are Jimin and Taehyung, and words have long become superfluous for them anyway.
‘’I am in love with you.’’
They are not across the room from one another but huddled together on the couch, and Taehyung thinks the look he sends Jimin’s way might bring the message home more than the words ever could.
‘’I am in love with you, too.’’
Taehyung giggles, whether it be from the nerves he has felt all these weeks or the sheer exhilaration that rushes through his veins right now, and Jimin lets out a relieved laugh of his own.
‘’Look at us, two idiots trying to communicate their feelings with pebbles. Though I think it might be the most precious thing anyone’s ever done for me. And I kind of want to cry now out of happiness.’’
Taehyung nods. ‘’Me too. I didn’t think my crazy plan would have the one outcome I never even dared dreaming of, because it simply was too beautiful to ever become reality.’’
Tears make Jimin’s eyes shine, and Taehyung thinks he feels a streak of wetness across his own cheek.
‘’And I did not think my sweet, beautiful best friend whom I have loved for years would ever love me back, until I saw that stupid documentary an hour ago. I am still struggling a little to believe that reality is so much better than any dream or wish I have ever had,’’ Jimin says as the first tear starts its path down his cheek. He looks a little embarrassed as he brushes it away with the back of his hand.
‘’You know,’’ Taehyung begins to tell him, using his thumb to gently dry Jimin’s eyes, ‘’I heard somewhere that blue-eyed cormorants cry as they tell their best friend they have fallen in love with them many years ago and that they fall in love even deeper every day.’’
Jimin slaps his chest. ‘’You lie.’’
Yet his face looks hopeful as he asks, ‘’Did you also hear that polar bears who have confessed their love to their best friend, who loves them back, share a kiss in celebration of their mutual love?’’
Taehyung looks pensive as he thinks about that statement.
‘’I don’t think I’ve heard of that before, no.’’
Before Jimin can reply or take it as any kind of rejection, he adds, ‘’But I think sometimes humans do.’’
Taehyung has seen a thousand different Jimin smiles already, each one as ethereal as the man himself, and he can identify every single one of them. The one Jimin wears now, however, is not one he has had the privilege of seeing before.
It is a small one, so incredibly delicate and soft, but even more dazzling than all of the smiles Jimin has sent his way before today. His cheeks are pink, adorably so, and it looks like he is glowing.
‘’Well then, my wonderful, silly Taetae, may I kiss you? To celebrate our mutual love, of course?’’
Taehyung can only nod and smile through his tears as he cups Jimin’s cheeks and lets himself be pulled closer.
In the milliseconds before their lips meet, Jimin whispers to him,
‘’Thank you for being my best friend.’’
And Taehyung replies,
‘’Thank you for being all of my universes.’’
Taehyung might have never confessed his love to someone before today, excluding that one time as a six-year-old he still feels a bit ashamed of, and he might have spent many of his teenage years being disinterested in all things regarding love and crushes, but he has kissed someone before. Two someones, to be exact. Once, one of his close friends, because he had been curious about what it would feel like to have someone else’s lips on his. The other time had taken place at a party, with someone who was not quite a stranger to him, nor were they anything more than a casual acquaintance. Afterwards, he had figured out that he did not really like kissing people at parties. Or that maybe he simply did not like kissing anyone who was not his best friend.
Now, though, with Jimin’s warm and soft lips moving carefully against his own, Taehyung feels as though he has never been kissed before today.
Because in those other kisses, he could not register the vague smell of lemon bodywash and coconut shampoo. The people he has kissed moved slowly like he’d asked them to, not demanding anything more from him, but they were not gentle with him the way Jimin is. They had not cradled his face as if he were the most precious thing on Earth or caressed his cheeks with their thumbs in soothing strokes.
Their touch had not reminded him of summer mornings spent making plans to travel to Busan to enjoy a day by the ocean and visit people who feel like family to him. Images of winter nights spent together in bed underneath the soft, orange glow of fairy lights strung from the ceiling as they talked about dreams and aspirations for the future had not flashed through his mind.
And when he feels Jimin’s tongue lick across his lips in a silent request to open up, Taehyung does not feel the desire to pull away like he had those times before. Instead, he answers Jimin’s question by giving him the answer they both so terribly desire, and when he feels Jimin’s tongue slip inside his mouth, his heart sings a little.
Or a lot. Perhaps he even hears entire symphonies play as Jimin pulls him even closer and connects their lips again and again. All minor details, of course. Ones that Taehyung anticipates he will giddily relive every one of his future waking moments on Earth that he does not spend locking lips with his best friend.
Jimin has left Taehyung breathless in the figurative sense already a million times, perhaps even more, but as their kiss goes on, Taehyung finds out Jimin’s eager lips and skilful tongue can actually make him depraved of oxygen, too. He feels some disappointment when they have to part to regain their breath at some point, but it vanishes instantly when Jimin presses another sweet kiss against his needy lips.
They spend the rest of the evening sharing more kisses, a warm fleece blanket with a Christmas pattern, and one of the tubs of ice cream Taehyung still has left. At some point, Jimin asks if Taehyung knows whether the little penguin ended up finding the perfect pebble and giving it to the one who had his heart. Taehyung tells him he did not finish watching the documentary that night with Namjoon but had instead gone out to the park immediately to start his plan. So they turn on the TV, find the documentary that is luckily still available to watch despite the broadcast having ended, and settle back on the couch to root for their adorable penguin friend in between bites of a cold cookie-flavoured treat. They could sympathise with the little guy, now knowing exactly how nerve-wracking it could be to have to present your heart on a silver platter to someone else without knowing for sure if they will accept it.
Spoiler alert: the penguin finds a beautiful round stone and when he offers it to the girl of his dreams, she happily accepts it. Like the two sappy people they are, Taehyung and Jimin simultaneously lean in for another kiss at the joyous moment. It is a tradition now, after all, to share a kiss in celebration of mutual love.
When the clock strikes midnight, they agree that it is time to end the day and get some rest. Taehyung asks Jimin to stay again, hoping this time he will say yes. When Jimin tells him with a sad look on his face that another early schedule awaits him and he should go back to the dorm, it does not make Taehyung feel sad at all. Instead, he offers him a drive back to the building and suggests he stay the night there himself as well.
They sleep in separate rooms. After all, they cannot just wake up their roommates and ask them to switch beds for the night, and most definitely not without explaining the reason behind it. (It is a conversation they will save for another day, when they have had some more talks of their own).
They do share a few more kisses in the dark hallway before they part ways – one for each year they have known and loved one another. And then a few more, because they have discovered that the two of them are pretty much insatiable.
Before Jimin slips underneath his warm covers, he visits the collection of pebbles on his desk for the umpteenth time and lets himself remember each of the instances that his Taehyung-ie had given one of them to him. He smiles as he brushes his fingers along the smooth pieces of rock and blows a kiss to the photograph at the centre of the circle before crawling into his bed at last.
One room over, Taehyung clutches the pebble Jimin gave him tonight tightly to his chest. He does not think he has ever been given a more wonderful gift and he is not ready to let go of it just yet.
When he wakes up in the morning, the sweetest confession of love is still tucked away safely in his careful hands.
-
The next morning, Taehyung wakes up early, even a few minutes before his alarm is set to go off. His first work-related activity of the day is not until nine, but he knows Jimin has to be at the dance studio with Hoseok before that. To be able to spend a few moments together before the commencement of their respective busy days, is what gets Taehyung out of bed, knowing they will not see each other until at least the late afternoon.
So while he usually struggles to leave the comfort of his soft, warm bed, he has found an incredibly good reason to drag himself out of the covers today. He gets through his washing duties as quickly as he can while still being thorough and he does not waste too much time picking out his clothes for the day.
When he enters the kitchen a few minutes past seven in a pair of jeans and a maroon hoodie, Jimin is already there, leaning against the counter as he takes small sips from his mug of coffee that is still a bit too hot to drink from. Taehyung generally does not like the bitter taste of the beverage but this morning he has a craving for coffee-flavoured kisses from his best friend.
‘’Good morning.’’
Jimin looks up and smiles as Taehyung enters the kitchen.
‘’It definitely is now. Why are you up so early, baby? I thought your schedule does not start for a little while.’’
Taehyung walks until he is right in front of him and presses him a little closer to the counter.
‘’Wanted to see you before you left.’’
‘’That’s sweet,’’ Jimin answers, with an endeared, lovesick look on his face. Taehyung wonders if it has always been there and he was too blinded by his own love to notice, or if Jimin has done a stellar job of hiding his feelings all this time and is finally allowing himself to let them show.
He shakes his head when Jimin asks him if he wants a cup of tea.
‘’Want something else.’’
Jimin’s smile broadens even more. ‘’I wonder what that is.’’
‘’A hug,’’ Taehyung replies sincerely. ‘’And a kiss too.’’
Jimin, who has never received such a lovely request before, is more than happy to fulfil all of Taehyung’s wishes.
They remove every last bit of distance between their bodies, and Taehyung learns he might have a thing for coffee after all. Especially in the morning, when he gets to drink it from Jimin’s lips, it tastes a lot sweeter than usual.
When Taehyung is about to lean in to press yet another feather-light kiss against Jimin’s tender smile, he hears the front door open. Within seconds, they are joined in the kitchen by the oldest and youngest members of the group. Jungkook plops down the weekend bag he had taken home on the floor. Taehyung wonders if Seokjin had picked him up.
Seokjin silently waves his hand in greeting before reaching for the bowl of fruit and grabbing a banana. Neither he nor Jungkook seem to show any bit of surprise at how close Jimin and Taehyung are standing to one another or the fact that the matching blushes on their faces give away that they had been much, much closer only a few moments ago. The red colour on their faces deepens even more at the smirk Jungkook sends them.
Seokjin peels his banana as he makes his way back out of the kitchen.
‘’I see everything worked out,’’ Jungkook says with a satisfied smile.
‘’Nice. I am happy for you both. Truly.’’
Just as they are about to thank him and also ask how he’d noticed something had changed between them in the few seconds he has been in the kitchen, the younger continues talking.
‘’I have to say, I can’t believe there ever was a brief moment that I had a crush on you two.’’
Jimin lets out a surprised, ‘’What!?’’ as Taehyung huffs indignantly and asks, ‘’Why not?’’
Jungkook starts walking out of the kitchen backwards, probably to follow Seokjin wherever he was going.
‘’You,’’ he begins, pointing at Taehyung and looking behind him to make sure he does not bump into any sharp edges or painful objects, ‘’are the type of person who tells someone he loves them by giving them rocks.’’
Jimin looks like he wants to protest on his love’s behalf, but Jungkook interjects before he can even do as much as open his mouth.
‘’And you,’’ he continues, turning to Jimin now, ‘’are the type of person to build a shrine for those rocks.’’
‘’Yeah, well… What is so wrong about that?’’ demands Taehyung.
Jungkook shrugs.
‘’Nothing,’’ he replies. ‘’It is pretty sweet, actually, in a weird way that I do not fully understand but definitely support. It is just not my love language, remember/’’
He leaves the kitchen to finally join Seokjin and when the pair is almost out of sight, Jungkook calls out to Taehyung.
‘’Hyung!’’
With some difficulty, Taehyung tears his gaze away from Jimin to search for Jungkook, who is already halfway across the living room.
‘’Watch this,’’ Jungkook tells him, throwing in a wink right before he smacks Seokjin’s ass, a hit so hard that the sound of Jungkook’s hand connecting with Seokjin’s bottom echoes off the walls of both rooms. Seokjin lets out an affronted noise at Jungkook’s outrageous actions that the latter seems indifferent to as he leans down to steal a bite of Seokjin’s banana.
This time around, Seokjin has zero time to react before Jungkook grabs his arm and pulls him in the direction of his bedroom. Taehyung sincerely wishes he were able somehow to unhear the squeaking of bed springs as two bodies connect with the mattress the moment the bedroom door slams shut.
Taehyung’s mouth has fallen open at Jungkook’s bold move and the implication of what is happening behind that closed door right now. Jimin turns to him with a face expressing a similar level of shock.
‘’What just happened?’’ he asks slowly.
Taehyung releases a chuckle that is part shock and part delight as the realisation finally hits him.
‘’I think our little Jungkook-ie is about to smack Seokjin’s food.’’
Jimin’s brow remains furrowed.
‘’I have no idea what that means.’’
Taehyung turns back to his friend to cup Jimin’s face in his hands and focus all of his attention on his love again.
‘’Means you have to kiss me again. Like the humans and polar bears do.’’
-
When Jimin had left in the morning to go to work, he and Taehyung had parted ways as best friends. When they crawl into bed later that night after a long conversation over a shared cup of tea, they join each other beneath the sheets as best friends who also happen to be boyfriends now.
Jimin turns to his side and scoots even closer to the middle of the bed in his want to diminish the distance between him and his boyfriend as much as possible. Just as he is about to wrap his arms around Taehyung’s warm body in an effort to spoon him, the taller man grabs his wrist and stops him from doing so.
Jimin wants to protest when Taehyung pushes his hands away, but he lets himself be manhandled onto his back anyway.
With how clingy Taehyung has been lately, especially after that night of their mutual confession, it comes as a surprise to Jimin that he does not want to be cuddled the way he usually asks for all of a sudden.
He shoots Taehyung a look that is all pout, one that the younger pretends not to notice as he positions himself on his back as well. Their pillows are touching, and so are their hips, but Jimin thinks they are not close enough just yet. It feels wrong to end a day as wonderful as this one without holding his boyfriend in his arms, without being able to trail kisses as marks of love against the top of his Taehyung’s head.
But then he feels it. Feels the soft skin of Taehyung’s warm hand against his as he links their fingers together.
His heart skips a beat at the gentle touch.
‘’Hey, Min-ah,’’ Taehyung whispers to him. He gives his hand a gentle squeeze.
Jimin turns his head to the left, where his boyfriend has not closed his eyes just yet and instead is watching Jimin with brown eyes that sparkle with joy even in the dark of the room.
‘’Good night.’’
Jimin smiles back at him.
‘’Good night, Taetae.’’
They simultaneously lean in for one more slow, tender kiss, a bit disappointed that it will be the last one of today but revelling in the knowledge that many more will follow tomorrow and all of the days that come after, before returning to their previous position on their backs and closing their eyes.
Jimin sighs contentedly. Despite not being able to spoon Taehyung the way he wants to, and despite Namjoon’s loud snores coming from one bed over, he thinks tonight will be the best, most peaceful sleep he has had in a long time.
He is ready to head off to dreamland, wondering what he will have to dream of tonight when the recurring one he has cherished the most has already been fulfilled. He feels content to end the day the way he spends most of his favourite moments, with his hand in Taehyung’s.
Although… it does seem really strange and uncharacteristic to him that his boyfriend was so hellbent on going to sleep this way. Usually, he demands Jimin spoon him or slings one leg across Jimin’s thighs and makes himself small against the older’s chest. The apparent difference from all the nights they shared before makes it hard for him to let himself drift off.
Then a thought crosses his mind that sounds silly even in his head, but no longer sounds so outlandish when put in the context of recent events.
‘’Yah, Kim Taehyung-ah!’’ he exclaims loudly, briefly forgetting that they are not the only occupants of the room. Luckily, Namjoon’s uninterrupted snores assure him that he did not cause their hyung’s sleep to be interrupted.
A few seconds of relative silence follow. And then: ‘’Yes, my love?’’
Taehyung speaks so innocently, but Jimin knows exactly what is going on, can see right through the unsubtle man that he refers to as his soulmate.
‘’Lying flat on our backs and holding hands? Kim Taehyung, you are many things, but slick is not one of them. Did you not think I saw Namjoon recording that otter documentary the other day because he liked that channel’s animal documentaries so much?’’
Taehyung blinks a few times as his mind processes the fact that he has very much been caught.
Perhaps he did have some time to kill this morning after Jimin left. And perhaps there is a slight chance that he made himself comfortable on the couch with the intention to sleep but stumbled upon the documentary and decided to forego any more rest in favour of watching a group of cute otters play around in the water.
It all worked out in the end, anyway, because it had been narrated by that same man with the monotone voice, which had caused Taehyung to fall asleep only ten minutes in. Just not before the part where the presenter explained that otters like to hold hands while sleeping.
He looks at Jimin now with round, innocent eyes.
‘’I just don’t want to drift away from you.’’
Jimin feels his heart melting at his boyfriend’s cuteness and the endearing reply and his look immediately softens.
He leans over to connect his lips with Taehyung’s, even if it is only for a brief moment, and even though they have already exchanged their fair share of goodnight kisses.
‘’You never will. I will make sure it never happens,’’ Jimin promises him sweetly and sincerely.
‘’Okay,’’ Taehyung whispers back to him with a content smile on his face.
‘’Now, spoon me!’’
Jimin’s laugh is loud in the quiet of the night.
‘’Brat,’’ he simply says as he scoots closer to Taehyung again.
This time, the younger lets himself be pulled against Jimin’s chest and completely melts into his touch. Jimin draws tender strokes through Taehyung’s hair and plays with a few strands every now and then with one hand and lets the other rest against his boyfriend’s warm stomach.
Right before Taehyung’s breathing evens out, Jimin’s gentle ministrations having successfully lulled him to sleep, Jimin feels his friend’s hand on his own. It is warm in bed, especially with Taehyung pressed closely against him, yet his teeth chatter out of sheer happiness as he laces his fingers through Taehyung’s and their joined hands make a home against Taehyung’s belly.
At some point in the night, they move away from each other in their sleep. But when they wake up in the morning, their hands are still connected.
Jimin happily keeps fulfilling his promise for the rest of their lives.