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Some people say there is always fortune in misfortune. No matter how bleak the situation seems to be, luck will never be too far away, regardless of how big or small, and it will make everything better, if only for just a little bit.
Some others say it is not fortune that makes things better, but the way one looks at the situation. The pessimist will always think there is no good to be found, hence they will never be able to see the opportunity to turn things around. On the contrary, the optimist will always try to see the better of every situation, which is how they find the supposed "fortune" hidden in misfortune.
Zhang Zhehan had, sometimes, wondered just in which category did he fall. He’d like to say that at times, whenever he looked back at his life, there were moments when he felt that he was lucky. For ten years, he rarely received a remarkable project to work on, but he still had lots of dramas to film and shows to attend. The increase in popularity was slow, but it didn’t mean that he was failing. And then came the chance to take part in that certain drama during that particular summer — one whose script he truly liked, where he could work with people he liked and respected, and finally put him at the peak of popularity that seemed to have always escaped him in the past decade.
But could he not say that this was the result of his persistence and hard work, as well?
After all, if he had been working half-heartedly or given up midway, he wouldn’t even reach this point in the first place, would he?
This success proved to be a fleeting one, though. In a mere half a year, he met what could, perhaps, only be described as the biggest misfortune in his life. He fought, he fell, he stood on the brink of despair. It was almost like his entire world crumbled before his eyes; all his efforts denied and none of his words were heard.
But there was still some light, even if he seemed to have fallen into the darkness. There were still people who believed in him, who extended their hands to help him, who waited for him to return, no matter how long it would take.
Perhaps it was luck, perhaps it was thanks to his endeavor all these years. Because his heart was sincere and everything he had obtained this day was all the fruit of his hard work, there were people who saw this and decided to put their faith in him.
For example, the one he was going to meet today.
Zhang Zhehan put the vacuum cleaner back into the closet. He threw his gaze around; the villa was clean, the bedroom had been made, the pillows on the sofa had been arranged, the fridge was full of all kinds of food and drinks. The air conditioning was at the right temperature and the overall atmosphere was warm and cozy. Everything couldn’t be more perfect than this. All he had to do now was wait for the other person who would be staying in this villa with him to arrive.
Just when this thought passed his mind, he heard the humming sound of a car’s engine approaching outside.
A subconscious smile rose to his face. It felt rather strange; after what had — and was still happening — to him right now, it was strange that he could still smile like this. True, he had received tremendous help that he didn’t expect he would get, but he wasn’t yet out of trouble and nobody knew whether it was a happy ending that would be waiting for him at the end. Nevertheless, he couldn’t put a lid to contain this brimming happiness in his heart. It was just a silly little thing, but Zhang Zhehan swore it made him feel tiny butterflies fluttering in his stomach, much like a young schoolgirl about to meet her crush on their first date.
Thankfully, regardless of his current situation, he was still a full-fledged actor. Despite the rising excitement he was feeling deep down, it wasn’t hard for Zhang Zhehan to keep his expression in check. He made a face as natural as possible. After ensuring that his clothes were good and there wasn’t a single hair out of place on his head, he strolled casually out of the door, welcoming the newly arriving guest.
A black SUV rolled into the driveway right next to the villa. It was brand new and spotlessly clean, looking no different than the one framed on billboards all over the country. The sun was already leaning to the west at this time; the pouring sunlight, now beginning to carry a shade of gold, shone upon the vast natural view of Yunnan, over the mountains and the hills, over the lush green spreading far and wide to the distance. Zhang Zhehan had to cover his eyes with his hand when the blinding light was reflected on the car’s windshield. But he didn’t move from where he stood. Patiently, he waited for the person in the driver’s seat to stop the ride and turned off the engine before stepping out of the SUV.
When the car’s door was finally opened, the tall figure of a handsome man emerged from within; his stunning face was already more than familiar enough in the eyes of millions of people in the country.
“You’re late,” Zhang Zhehan called out to him with a laugh, “I’ve been waiting here for the entire day. Where’s my compensation, Gong- laoshi ?”
Gong Jun, his former co-star, turned in his direction. The pair of dark spheres in his eyes met Zhang Zhehan at once, who was still smiling and walking nonchalantly toward him. He did not return the older one’s greeting. Instead, Gong Jun strode forward in long strides, throwing himself onto Zhang Zhehan at the first chance he got.
“W-Woah, calm down! You’re going to break my back,” taken by surprise, Zhang Zhehan smacked him playfully on the arms while buried in the younger man’s embrace.
“You’re here … “Gong Jun whispered in a small voice, unwilling to let him go, “I’m so glad I could see you again.”
His voice carried with it a hint of relief and desperation. Truthfully, Zhang Zhehan had wanted this meeting of theirs to be full of joy and fun, just like how they’d usually interact while on the filming site and in shows backstage. But he could no longer find it in him to joke around when faced with this situation. Zhang Zhehan sighed and smiled to himself. Gently, he gave the other man a few more pats on the back while nuzzling against his neck.
“Yeah, I’m here,” he said, “I’ve promised you that I’ll be here.”
“Are you alright? How are you doing? What about Aunty?”
“We’re fine, we’re fine,” Zhang Zhehan reassured him, “What about you? I saw you a lot on ads and shows recently. And didn’t you get cast in a new drama, as well? Did you get enough rest?”
“I’m okay … “ Gong Jun replied in a small voice, “Working … is the only way I can keep my mind busy, so I won’t start overthinking.”
“Now don’t do that. You need to take care of your body more. It won’t do if you get sick. It will ruin all your schedules and activities.”
Zhang Zhehan gave him some more pats until he felt the younger man’s hug beginning to loosen somewhat. He wrenched himself free from the other’s arms, showing him a toothy grin while playfully throwing a punch to his chest.
“Why the gloomy face? Aren’t we here on a vacation and to celebrate your special day?” he said, “Did you bring anything with you? Want me to help you take down your stuffs?”
“N-No, I just have one small suitcase with me. I’ll get it myself.”
With that said, Gong Jun clumsily returned to the car to take out his luggage. Zhang Zhehan watched him stumble around with it for a while with amusement, accompanying him inside to put down his stuff in the bedroom.
It had been one and, almost, half a year. For some people, it was a short time. For others, it was a long time. For Zhang Zhehan, it felt like it had been a really long time ago when the two of them could talk and joke around casually like this. He almost forgot how much he loved this adorable side of his former co-star. Now that he thought about it, this was one of the first reasons why he became fond of this man named Gong Jun. Sincere and honest, sometimes easily read like an open book, whenever he looked at him, he couldn’t help but want to tease and treasure him at the same time.
He wanted to protect him. But ironically, now, Gong Jun was the one who shielded him while this storm surrounding him hadn’t yet ceased.
“Alright, stop with the depressing thoughts. Was I not the one who said we’re here to have fun?”
They had been planning this trip for so long. It wouldn’t do if he tainted it with an unhappy mood, especially because soon, it really would be a special day for his beloved.
Once he took care of the matter with his luggage, Gong Jun took a walk around the villa they rent to appraise its value inside and out. He appeared quite satisfied with the facilities, as Zhang Zhehan saw him nodding with a smile every now and then. It was homey, it was comfortable; they even had a small onsen outside if they wanted a relaxing soak in hot water. But nothing pleased Gong Jun more than the well-equipped kitchen. The young actor still looked tired after his long journey when arriving here, but once he arrived in the kitchen, Zhang Zhehan could swear he saw those eyes sparkling in excitement.
“Zhang- laoshi , what do you want to eat for dinner?” he asked immediately.
“I’ll eat whatever you make for me. The fridge is stocked full of ingredients. You can make anything with those,” Zhang Zhehan replied. Then, he nudged the younger man with a teasing smile. “Do you need my help to cook?”
“No, thanks. I’ll just call you when the food’s ready.”
“Aww, come on, Junjun … I’ve improved some, you know?”
“How much exactly have you improved?”
“At least I won’t start a fire in the kitchen anymore.”
“Get out of here.”
“Noooo, don’t chase me out, Lao Gong !”
They pushed and pulled at the kitchen door for some time, laughing and brawling like a pair of little kids on a sugar rush. In the end, they agreed on the arrangement that while Gong Jun would cook the meal, Zhang Zhehan would help him by washing the dirty plates and utensils and nothing else. He wasn’t even allowed to help cut the vegetables, because every time he did so, they would end up with an assortment of big and small chilies or pitifully shredded bok choy leaves that were almost inedible. It was a fun activity nonetheless. Given his situation, the two of them weren’t able to meet for quite some time, so Zhang Zhehan hadn’t had the opportunity to watch his former co-star showing off his cooking skill. He always loved watching Gong Jun cook. And now that he had the privilege to see it up close, he made sure that he wouldn’t let this chance go to waste.
What followed the lively cooking session was a dinner for two filled with the most mundane conversations. Zhang Zhehan spent most of the time asking what Gong Jun and some of their former colleagues were doing at the moment, what project they were working on, and if any changes were taking place in the industry. Gong Jun answered all of his questions patiently. He told Zhang Zhehan about his most recent and future projects, sharing some interesting stories that took place on set during his current drama filming. He said that he couldn’t wait until he could show everything to Zhang Zhehan directly, and even though neither of them made a mention of it, there was no denying the hopeful tone in Gong Jun’s voice when he reached this point in the conversation.
“Hope.”
It was something that Zhang Zhehan thought he had lost last year. But now he was glad that he didn’t give up.
Because in this world, there was still one person who wouldn’t give up on him.
By the time the two of them finished dinner, it was already dark outside. Zhang Zhehan told Gong Jun to shower ahead of him while he cleaned up the plates. They had promised to watch a movie together in the living room tonight, and Zhang Zhehan himself had planned a little celebration party for the younger man. When it was his turn to shower, he couldn’t stop thinking up what would be the best scenario to launch this personal plan of this.
But all of the schemes he’d conjured up in the bathroom, in the end, evaporated into thin air at once. Because as he walked into the living room, he was greeted by the best chance ever to set his surprise attack in motion.
Gong Jun had apparently fallen asleep on the sofa. The TV was turned on in front of him and the remote was in his hands, but it was more like the TV was watching him instead of the other way around. Zhang Zhehan found this sight funny and at the same time endearing. He knew Gong Jun was tired, even if the other man never said so. He wanted him to be able to relax, now that he finally managed to go on a holiday amidst his busy schedule. And while he was at it, Zhang Zhehan wanted to give him the most unforgettable experience.
And so Zhang Zhehan went back to the kitchen, opened the fridge to pull out a small box he hid in the corner, and placed it on the counter.
It was a little birthday cake, one with two candles making up the number “30” embedded at the top.
For the second time today, Zhang Zhehan couldn’t stop himself from breaking out into a smile. He lit the candles, then in quiet steps, he snuck back into the living room. Gong Jun was still sleeping on the sofa. Carefully, Zhang Zhehan turned off the lights and the TV. He settled down by the other’s side, shaking his shoulders lightly.
“Junjun.”
There was an incoherent mumble, then nothing else.
“Junjun, wake up.”
This time, Gong Jun’s long lashes trembled and he finally opened his eyes. What was waiting in front of him was a pair of tiny yellow flames dancing in the darkness. He blinked once, twice; after the third one, he was fully awake at once.
“Happy birthday,” Zhang Zhehan smiled at him.
It took a while for Gong Jun to piece together what was happening. His face went through a multitude of expressions within a few seconds: Confusion, surprise, sheepishness, happiness. Eventually, he threw his head back and covered his eyes; the corners of his lips were pulled into a wide grin beneath his palm. In the dim light, Zhang Zhehan could see the other man’s ears turning pink.
“Aaaahh, Zhang- laoshi , why are you like this??” Gong Jun made a complaining noise, but he was evidently so delighted that he couldn’t prevent his voice from breaking as he spoke.
Zhang Zhehan, too, was unable to hold back his laughter any longer. He shifted closer to Gong Jun’s side, half-shoving the cake to his face.
“Why hide your handsome face, Gong- laoshi ? Here, your birthday cake is here. Look this way!”
Gong Jun’s face was still flushed when he finally looked back. The top part of the candles was already threatening to melt and drip onto the icing, and they both knew they wouldn’t want to eat a cake stained with wax. So Zhang Zhehan sat properly and held the small cake in front of the younger man.
“Go ahead and blow out the candles,” he said, “Don’t forget to make a wish.”
“Alright.”
The young actor closed his eyes. It was only for a brief moment, but for some reason, Zhang Zhehan felt that it lasted for a long time. Gong Jun’s face looked peaceful as he made his wish in silence. Zhang Zhehan had no idea what he was wishing for, but whatever it was, he hoped it would come true.
This man that he loved deserved the whole world.
“Well, what did you wish for?” he teased after Gong Jun had blown out the candles.
“It’s a secret. If I tell you, it won’t come true,” replied the younger man.
“How did you know that it will definitely come true if you keep it a secret?”
“I just know it,” this time, it was Gong Jun’s turn to throw him a teasing smile, “When it happens, I will tell you.”
His large hand reached out to Zhang Zhehan, tracing the lines of his cheek. Zhang Zhehan knew what would come after this, so he let the younger man do as he pleased. As expected, Gong Jun gently cupped his face before pressing a kiss to his lips.
“Thank you for celebrating my birthday with me this year, Zhang- laoshi ,” he said, “I hope I can celebrate it with you again next year, preferably when … “
He stopped himself and averted his gaze, realizing that he had mentioned something that he shouldn't. Zhang Zhehan, however, felt no reason to be offended. He bumped their foreheads together softly, smiling as he put a light peck on Gong Jun’s cheek.
“Yeah, I’m already looking forward to that,” replied him, “I’m wishing you all the best you can get. Hope that you’ll get a lot of good projects coming your way, so you’ll be even more successful than today. But don’t forget to take care of your health, hmm?”
Though he seemed to be feeling guilty at first, Gong Jun soon returned his smile. He put the cake aside on the table, afterward pulling Zhang Zhehan into a hug.
"Do I also get a present?" he asked.
"Isn’t the present already in your hands? I was wondering when you're going to unwrap it."
Gong Jun’s signature "hihihi" laugh came following his last words that Zhang Zhehan couldn't help but laugh with him. They tumbled and rolled on the wide couch, trying to push each other down as though they were in the middle of a wrestling match. In the end, Zhang Zhehan let the younger man get the better of him. He laid down on his back, watching as Gong Jun hovered above him. Those dark eyes were ever so gentle when they looked at him. Soon, it was followed by yet another gentle kiss.
" … Should we move to the bedroom?" Zhang Zhehan brushed the other’s hair with his fingers.
"Here is fine," Gong Jun said, wearing a teasing smile on his face, "You asked when I'm going to unwrap my present. Well, here I go then."
With that said, he dove again for another kiss. This one was fiercer and, in Zhang Zhehan's opinion, more passionate than the ones they had shared thus far. Gong Jun nibbled on his lips; the initially pale lines soon turned into an obscene red. Of course, there was no way Zhang Zhehan would back down. He pushed his body up, returning the kiss no less fervently than how he received it.
There was love and desire, obviously. They wouldn't be engaged in this sort of relationship otherwise, not while knowing it was extremely frowned upon by society. But Zhang Zhehan also felt something more in this, in the way his former co-star, now his lover, kissed and held him. There was longing, there was endearment, there was the will to protect and keep him safe. Perhaps it was only his wistful thinking, but whenever Zhang Zhehan thought how well Gong Jun had treated him from the first time they met, from the moment they decided to be with each other to this day, he felt that he was treasured.
"Zhang- laoshi ?"
"Come to bed, Junjun," he pulled on the other’s arm, "It’s pretty narrow here. You're going to kick the table with those long ostrich legs of yours."
" … No."
"Huh?"
"This villa has a good view. It would be a pity if we turn in so soon, don’t you think so, too, Zhang- laoshi ?"
In fact, Zhang Zhehan did feel that it was a pity at all. But he had yet to voice his opinion when the younger man suddenly hauled him off the sofa. Gong Jun put him down right next to the window. Before Zhang Zhehan could ask whatever this all meant, Gong Jun had pressed down on him and pulled him into another kiss.
Zhang Zhehan could feel his back pressing against the glass window behind him.
"W-Wait, Junjun … Junjun, are you serious? Right here?"
"Hmm? Is there a problem, Zhang- laoshi ?"
There was not the slightest bit of guilt on Gong Jun's face when he returned the question.
"Is there a problem, you ask? You want to do it by the window? What if there are people outside–?"
"Who?" the younger man cocked his brow, "When I picked this place, I already made sure it was hidden as far away as possible from all those paparazzi and crazy fans. You don’t have to worry. There's nothing outside except probably the crickets and mosquitoes."
Zhang Zhehan opened his mouth to protest but closed it again at once. Gong Jun's hands already crept up into his shirt; the scorching heat of those palms almost made him jump in surprise. The younger began to pepper his face and neck in little kisses while undressing him.
Now the two of them might have just known one another for some two years or so, but Zhang Zhehan had had his fair share of experience trying to change this person's mind. Gong Jun might look cute and gentle, but he could also be quite stubborn at times. Right now, Zhang Zhehan knew there was no persuading Gong Jun out of this. He had no idea from where this man got the idea of doing this sort of thing in this sort of place, but realizing that he had no other choice but to submit, Zhang Zhehan finally decided to let it go this time.
After all, anything for his beloved birthday boy.
The cold surface of the window made Zhang Zhehan flinch slightly. His shirt was already rolled up to his chest, most of his upper body was now exposed under the dim light. Gong Jun placed one hand on the transparent glass beside him, raining kisses after kisses on his throat, his chest, and his abdomen. He seemed to enjoy very much the sight of Zhang Zhehan's muscles twitching and the way his breathing quickened with every touch. Truly, he was like a child who was excitedly pulling off the wrappings on his gift.
Before long, Zhang Zhehan felt those wandering hands reaching into a place that almost made his knees buckle.
"H-Hey, Junjun … " he called in a hitched voice, "Are we … Are we really doing it here? I feel like I'm going to f-fall if we continue like this."
"Don’t worry, Zhang- laoshi ," Gong Jun kissed him, "I'll hold onto you tight. You don't have to be afraid of falling."
That was probably the last nail in the coffin. There was nothing else Zhang Zhehan could say that might convince this man otherwise.
And so, he leaned back to the cold window, feeling his shoulder blades pressing against the hard surface, while his lover was stripping him completely off his clothes.
It was a good thing that he had turned off the lights beforehand, Zhang Zhehan thought. Otherwise, he would’ve died from embarrassment right now.
Moist sounds echoed in the silence; beyond the window, the natural night view of Yunnan was nothing less than beautiful. Unfortunately, neither of the two inhabitants of the villa had the mind to appreciate it at the moment, for they were deeply immersed in something else entirely.
Zhang Zhehan could barely contain his voice when a familiar heat entered him from behind. It was familiar, but it gave him a strange feeling at the same time to feel it inside of him after so long. His breaths were caught in his throat, his knees went weak under him and he nearly crumbled to the floor. Gong Jun wouldn't let it happen, though. Firmly, he held Zhang Zhehan by the waist, pressing him against the window in front of them.
When they met for the first time, there was not the slightest bit of expectation in Zhang Zhehan's mind that the two of them would go down this way. He did think that Gong Jun was good-looking. He stood towering above everyone else, but his personality was earnest and adorable, much like a big dog. Zhang Zhehan found him likable; in fact, it was difficult for others not to like him.
He didn’t know when it started, when he began to feel more than just fondness toward this person, when he began to think that he wanted the two of them to always be together.
Perhaps he could blame it on that drama's script. Perhaps the fault lies with how they were playing two characters who were so foolishly in love with one another. Unlike in his previous dramas, the feeling didn’t disappear even after they wrapped up. That was how Zhang Zhehan knew he was already too far down the rabbit's hole to turn back.
Since there was no going back anymore, then he might as well just go at it with everything he had.
" … Junjun … "
Zhang Zhehan turned his head slightly. He heard the younger man's rough breathing in his ears, felt his grip on his waist tightening. Gong Jun was drowning in the same pleasure that he was. Even so, when he heard Zhang Zhehan calling him, he lifted his head and peered into his face.
"What is it, Zhehan?" he asked, looking worried, "Are you alright? Are you hurting anywhere? Should I go slower?"
His sudden burst of question almost made Zhang Zhehan laugh. How adorable could this man be? Or was it because he was head over heels for him that everything he did seem adorable?
"Come here … " he guided the younger man closer.
Gong Jun stuck to his back, encircling his entire arms around Zhang Zhehan's body as he did so. Like this, their faces became so close they could nuzzle againsy one another.
Zhang Zhehan kissed him on the cheek. When Gong Jun stared at him, bewildered, he smiled and kissed him once more.
"I love you," he said, "Do you know this?"
He had a feeling that Gong Jun had no idea why he started talking like this. Truth be told, Zhang Zhehan also wasn't sure what prompted him to do so. It was just that he felt he needed to get this off his chest. And so he declared his feelings for the two of them to see.
"I know," after a while, Gong Jun answered him, returning his smile, "I know how much Zhehan loves me."
"Do you love me, too?"
"I do," replied the younger man, "I love Zhehan the most in the whole world."
If it was any other day, Zhang Zhehan would feel himself writhing away in cringe at this cheesy love declaration. There was no feelings of the sort at this moment, however. If anything, the moment he heard those words, he felt like his heart had swelled from overflowing joy.
"You will always be with me, Junjun?" he asked again.
"I'll always be with you. Zhehan, no matter what happen, leaving you is the only thing I cannot do."
Some people say there is always fortune in misfortune. No matter how ugly the situation appears to be, luck will never be too far off, regardless of how big or small, and it will make everything better, if only for just a little bit.
Some others say it is not fortune that makes things better, but one's perspective on the situation. The pessimist will perpetually think there is no good to be seen, so they will never be able to see the opportunity to turn things around. On the contrary, the optimist will always try to see the better of every situation, which is how they discover the supposed "fortune" hidden within misfortune.
Sometimes, Zhang Zhehan wondered in which category he fell. He'd like to say that, whenever he looked at his life so far, he must be included among some of the fortunate ones. Even though he rarely received any remarkable projects in his decade-long career, he was never lacking in dramas and shows to work on. He wasn’t the most popular celebrity out there, but it didn’t mean that he was failing either.
And what else could it be but luck that brought him to that certain drama in that certain summer? He liked the script, he liked the people he was working with. After wandering back and forth in this industry for years, he finally reached the peak of popularity, one that had been elusive to his grasp in the past decade.
But if he thought about it, could he not say that this was the result of his persistence and hard work, as well? After all, had he been half-hearted on his conduct, he wouldn’t even reach this point in the first place, would he?
The answer to this question, he might never find for the rest of his life. He was still battling what could possibly be the biggest misfortune in his life. He had fought, he had fallen, he had stood once more on his feet and faced everything head on.
Despite his struggles, however, there was one thing that he knew was certain.
"To have met someone like you and have you by my side, I must be the luckiest person in the world."