Chapter Text
The food on Minhyuk's plate stayed untouched and had long went cold. It was fine by him, he didn't like powdered eggs anyway. He kept his head down knowing he wouldn't see the person he was so desperately trying to forget. Sanha has successfully avoided Minhyuk for three weeks and everyday it grew harder and harder for Minhyuk to forget the purple-headed boy who had changed everything about the world he knew.
The clashing sound of spoons against plates surrounded Minhyuk as everyone ate. He wanted to stand and go back to his room, but Ms.Han sat in a chair in the far corner of the room, something he noticed she started doing as a way to have him in her sight at all times. He didn't want to eat and felt nauseous, but still decided to make an attempt to intake something. Minhyuk reached for the plastic spoon that lay next to his plate and grabbed it. The plastic was cold against his warm skin, and he gathered some of the eggs from his plate onto the spoon. Bringing the food to his lips he opened his dry mouth and began to eat the tasteless 'food' provided.
Slowly his dark brown eyes scanned over the dining hall in search for Sanha, and then he found him. Sitting on the opposite side of the room sat Sanha who lazily ate his food in small bites. Minhyuk felt his heart strain before it began to accelerate. He didn't want to be ignored anymore. He wanted to be able to sit and talk with Sanha like before. He hated the distance that the younger forced between them. Minhyuk just wanted Sanha back.
Minhyuk is then met with a pair of the most beautiful brown eyes. Sanha had looked up from his plate, his faded purple bangs sway gently at the small movement of his head. His expressionless face then turned to something else that Minhyuk couldn't read. However, despite his unreadable face, something swirled in Sanha's eyes that Minhyuk knew all too well. Longing. The youngers eyes were filled with longing as he locked eyes with Minhyuk from across the dining room.
The grip on Minhyuk's spoon tightened as the tension between him and Sanha seemed to grow stronger with each passing second, and instantly some small part inside confirmed and shut down any doubt he had harbored inside the past few weeks. Instantly he knew he hadn't lost Sanha. He felt the fading spark of hope reignite into a roaring flame. Minhyuk felt himself smile as he felt the flame grow and grow. It was that moment he decided he was going to make the first move, he had to, but he needed to wait until the time was right. He knew he couldn't just walk up to Sanha and beg the younger to speak to him again. No, he needed to make a plan and figure out what he would say. He knew he needed to get him back, and he knew it would happen. He had to make it happen.
For now he just had to wait.
---
His leg bounced up and down rapidly as he listened to the ticking of the clock that hung above his head. Tick, tick, tick. The loud ticking of the second hand somewhat annoying but also making Minhyuk feel anxious. The nail of his thumb was stuck between his teeth as he nibbled to keep himself occupied as he sat and waited. Every so often he let his gaze wander around the room only for his hopes to be lowered every time. He should be here already. Where is Sanha?
Craning his neck he checks the time. An hour had passed and Sanha was still no where to be seen. Minhyuk frowns as his brows furrow in frustration. A light huff leaves his lips, but still he stays. He would wait for as long as he had to. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the folded piece of paper that was the reason behind his stubbornness and hope. Unfolding it and rereading the same four words for what felt like the millionth time today, it said 'Lounge at free time.'
It was Sanha's small and neat penmanship on the piece of paper that Minhyuk held on to. He should be here, again he thought. Had the younger lied to Minhyuk? Had he decided to make Minhyuk look like a fool for waiting? Negative thoughts hit him as he leaned his body back onto the uncomfortable leather couch. Quickly Minhyuk blinked away the tears he felt threatening to escape from the confinement of his eyes. Frustrated he stuffed the paper back into his pocket and stood with a determination he has never felt before. Ignoring the looks from the other patients he made his way to the exits and followed his gut feeling, he knew where Sanha would be.
The mid day sun heavily beat down onto Minhyuk as sweat began to form at his temples and the nape of his neck. It was boiling hot outside as Minhyuk made his way to the bench where he saw Sanha sitting down. Halting his steps he takes a moment to admire the younger boy and how calm he looks. Sanha has his eyes closed and his head tilted upward. He keeps his hands in his lap and he stays very still. The sight of the younger reminds Minhyuk of this one painting he saw back in middle school on a school trip to a museum he can't seem remember the name of. Out of all the paintings he saw, he can only remember one of a boy sitting in the grass in front of a lake. The sun was also shining in the painting, but the boys eyes weren't closed, instead he was busy reading a book that he laid in his lap.
Part of him wanted to return back inside and not interrupt the younger as he look to be at peace, but the other part, the more selfish part of him, wanted nothing more than to make up and understand why he was being ignored. Today he was feeling selfish.
Sitting down next to Sanha was the easy part. The purple-headed boy kept his eyes closed almost as if he didn't realize he was no longer by himself as he slowly took even breaths. In and out he breathed seeming completely unbothered and at ease. Now Minhyuk had to do the hard part of the whole situation; he had to face his fears and be led to a fate where he hoped and wished everything would work out.
"Hey."
Sanha flinched at the sound of Minhyuk's voice and slowly turned to look at the older boy with wide eyes. The younger had expected this to happen. Sanha knew sliding that note under Minhyuk's door would only mean a matter of time before he would have to face him. Be forced to make a choice that could potentially change his life.
Getting over his initial shock he nods to Minhyuk instead of actually saying anything, afraid his voice would come out more emotional than he wanted. For some strange reason Sanha felt nervous and he couldn't stop the eerie feeling from spreading throughout his very being. It was starting to consume him and he didn't know how to put an end to it.
"It's very hot today." Minhyuk said while looking out onto the lake. Really, talk of the weather? The older boy felt himself internally cringe at his attempt at small talk. Now he understands why he always let Sanha start conversations, he was just really awkward and lacked the skill of being able to speak naturally with others.
Still not looking at each other the silence between them heightens causing a strained and awkward bubble to form around. Both boys couldn't stand it, but they didn't know how to fix it either. Could they even fix whatever was happening between them? Would they ever be able to? Minhyuk kept his focus onto the lake feeling every single thing around him as he decided to try and calm himself and gather his thoughts before trying to start a conversation again. However, his thoughts are cut short and he feels his head snap in the youngers direction.
"Yeah." Sanha was looking at Minhyuk. He didn't look shocked anymore, no, he looked almost accepting. Minhyuk knew what this meant and had to stop the small smile that was beginning to tug at the corner of his mouth. The older boy had so much he wanted to say but didn't know how or where to start. His mouth opened just to close not even a second later.
"I'm sorry." Sanha's apology caught Minhyuk off guard and made the older go speechless before he furrowed his brows in confusion.
"Why are you apologizing?" Minhyuk asked the sulking younger.
"Oh come on Minhyuk don't act stupid. You know why I'm doing this." Again the younger had said way more words that Minhyuk was expecting to hear from the other boys mouth. Sanha averted his pitiful gaze from Minhyuk's and to the fake grass that lay beneath their slipper covered feet. Deep inside Minhyuk did know. He just didn't want to talk about what happened on that day. He didn't want Sanha to know how bad it hurt him to be brutally ignored and how it felt like torture.
"It's fine Sanha, really." Minhyuk said trying to move on from the topic.
"No it's not fine." Sanha snapped causing Minhyuk to flinch back at the tone the younger boy had used. Sanha was finally looking at Minhyuk now as his brows furrowed in frustration. He looked troubled as he tried to get his words out.
"I acted like a fucking jerk. I ignored you and treated you like shit when you did nothing wrong. You didn't deserve that" Sanha's dark lashes quickly fluttered as tears prickled the corners of his eyes.
"It was all my fault and I hate myself for it." Minhyuk reached out to hold the younger boys hand. His thumb gently rubbing the top of Sanha's hand to calm the purple-headed boy down. Quickly Sanha pulled his hand away feeling undeserving of any kind of comfort.
"It's not your fault." Sanha's rejection hurt and made the older boys shoulders to drop feeling dissapointed. Still Minhyuk tried explaining to the younger, yet Sanha would not listen.
"No Minhyuk. I hurt you. You were finally opening up to me and I left you alone. Can't you see how much of a shitty person I am." Sanha's voice cracked and his tears streamed down his face. The younger boy brought his hands up to cover his face and Minhyuk felt his blood run cold.
Minhyuk went still as he witnessed the sight in front of him. Never did he think he would see the day his Sanha would cry. He never thought the younger boy, the epitome of true happiness, would ever be so vulnerable and sensitive.
'Fucking weak' 'Pathetic' 'Men don't fucking cry'
Minhyuk remembers his fathers words and internally cringes when he feels a spark of hatred burn within him. He shuts his eyes and clenches his fist tightly as his fathers voice only gets louder. Sanha sobs as Minhyuk battles an eternal war with himself.
Minhyuk doesn't hate Sanha or the way he was crying beside him. He hates the way his father has forced him to think and how no matter how hard he tries to be different his father still influences the way he lives life. Everything his father has said is not the truth, Minhyuk knows that, but still he doesn't know how to get rid of the voice in his head that tells him otherwise.
Opening his eyes he glances over in the youngers direction. Sanha had curled into himself as he continued to cry. Minhyuk hates the sight in front of him. He hates seeing Sanha cry. He hates the way Sanha feels about himself, but most of all he hates how Sanha thinks this is all his fault. Without thinking Minhyuk wraps his arms around the younger boy and brings him as close as he can.
This action startled Sanha, causing his head to snap upward and his hands to drop to his sides. His confusion only grows when he feels the older boy snake his arms around his waist.
"You're not a shitty person. Don't ever say that about yourself again...please." Minhyuk whispered into Sanha's hair as he rested his chin on top of the youngers purple hair. He tightened his grip around Sanha's waist as he held on, almost afraid the younger would disappear if he didn't do so.
Sanha gently pulled away from Minhyuk's embrace and looked at the older boy with his tear stained face. Sanha sadly shook his head as he tried to deny what Minhyuk was saying, but the older boy wouldn't take that answer.
Capturing Sanha's chin between his index finger and thumb Minhyuk forced the upset boy to look at him. This small gesture caused Sanha to stop all movement as a light pink dusted over his features. He felt his heart speed up as he looked at a serious looking Minhyuk.
"Stop it. You're not shitty. You're the complete opposite of that. Nothing about you is bad Sanha. There's a kindness about you that never fails to amaze me. You make me happy and you make me enjoy living in this shitty place." Minhyuk can't help the small smile the appears on his face or the warm giddy feeling that begins to spread throughout his body as he speaks his true feelings to the younger boy.
"When we first met you tried so hard to be my friend and I wouldn't have it. Your persistence is the reason we are both sitting here right now trying to solve and work out this...thing between us. I like being with you Sanha. I can't imagine you not being in my life. I don't know what I would do without you." Minhyuk meant every word he let slip between his lips and he wanted the younger to understand just how truthful he was being.
Still holding onto Sanha's chin, the younger grew shy by Minhyuk's genuine words and his face felt warm to the touch. Minhyuk's smile became wider once he noticed how the younger was reacting to him.
Sanha wanted to say something, anything, but he couldn't find the right words for this moment and he didn't want to ruin what was currently happening. Sanha felt all the previous sadness and self doubt fade into nothing as if those feelings and thoughts never plagued his mind. Sanha wiped away the remaining tears on his face and he couldn't help the bright smile that took over his frown. Sanha and Minhyuk had matching expressions as they both leaned in close to one another, completely forgetting where they were and the conversation that had transpired between them just moments ago.
Sanha slowly raised a hand to gently rest on the side of Minhyuk's face. His cold fingers touch the warmth that the older was radiating causing Sanha to lightly shudder. Never breaking eye contact with Minhyuk he speaks.
"So you forgive me then?" The younger boy says barely above a whisper. Minhyuk lets out a small chuckle and nods before moving his lips to Sanha's ear. Minhyuk's bangs tickle the side of Sanha's face and his warm breath caress his ear and neck.
"Isn't it obvious." Even though he can't see the older boys face, Sanha knows and can hear the smirk in his voice. Sanha feels a wave of relief wash over him, yet he knows he has to prove to Minhyuk just how sorry he is. Minhyuk pulls away just enough to look Sanha in the eyes.
Minhyuk reaches out to touch the side of Sanha's face now as he stares deeply into the younger boys eyes. Both boys faces are pink and they both look giddy being in each others presence. Slowly Minhyuk's eyes flicker from Sanha's eyes to his lips. Minhyuk brings his thumb up to slowly swipe at Sanha's lower lip causing the younger to softly gasp before he connects his gaze with Sanha's beautiful dark eyes once more.
"Can I kiss you?" Minhyuk whispers without thinking. He swallows thickly before lifting his free hand to rest on the back of Sanha's neck. His fingers lightly dance in the youngers purple hair as he patiently waits for Sanha to respond. A small nod gave Minhyuk all the conformation he needed to continue with his actions.
Minhyuk closed the distance between them and that feeling he felt the first time he kissed Sanha came rushing back to him. He didn't want this to end. He decided at that moment that no matter what would happen between them, he would do everything in his power to never lose Sanha. He couldn't lose him again.
They pulled away and smile at each other before looking out onto the lake. They didn't speak anymore, they didn't need to. Instead they interlocked their fingers together and that was enough for them. Minhyuk sat in bliss as he held his Sanha's hand. No matter what happened he knew they would be okay.