Chapter Text
Today was the first day of Aki Hayakawa's new life. Waiting outside the hospital facility for the bus to arrive, he pulled out a cigarette with shaky hands. He didn't know if it was because of the cold that made him shake so much, or if it was his own nerves and anxiousness from the mere action of holding a cigarette after 2 years of not smoking. The leukemia really did a number on him, and as he stood there, alone and with nothing but his old clothes, some money for the bus and the newly bought pack of cigarettes inside his pocket, he briefly thought that it was better to toss the cancer sticks away rather than reliving the worst years of his life just for the sake of some nicotine relief.
With a heavy sigh, he pocketed the pack of cigarettes and looked as the bus rounded the street, coming to a stop in front of him. He passed his hand through his short hair, messing it up. It grew a lot during these last months, and was hoping to grow it back to the length it used to be before he started chemotherapy.
He got in and quickly paid the driver before sitting down on the seat nearest to the door. He avoided looking at the rest of the passengers and instead rested his head against the window, more interested in looking at the outside world. Even though he spent two long years hospitalized, he never stopped to think even once about what would he do once he got out. If he was honest, he had already resigned himself to die inside four white walls with the smell of antiseptics surrounding his deathbed and with nobody near him, forever bitter and angry at his old friendships for the fact that they left him.
...Even Angel left him.
Aki shook his head, getting himself out of those dark thoughts. There was no use in remembering those times, he was alive and well now. A part of himself could understand the reason for their abandonment, they didn't want to see their beloved friend slowly decaying right in front of them without being able to do something about it.
Well, to the surprise of all the doctors, he got cured. Who would've thought.
He spent almost all of his money on the chemo and his meds, now the little he had left he used it to buy a Marlboro's pack of cigarettes and to pay the bus driver. Aki hoped for a burst of inspiration to come at any moment, he desperately needed a job and a place to stay since his old apartment was sold in order to afford his medical bills for a few months. Back then he didn't think much about it, I'm gonna die anyways , used to be his thought process.
Although personally, Aki would never be able to leave behind someone dear to him just like that, much less if they were going through harsh moments like what he went through.
Suddenly, his brain conjured the image of his old friend, Himeno. She used to visit him frequently during the first months after he got hospitalized, always telling him about what was going on in her life or with the others (who slowly but surely stopped coming to visit) and anything interesting that happened lately. She even used to bring food and snacks so they could eat while they talked, although it was more Himeno than Aki doing the eating since he was too tired to bother.
One day she stopped coming, much like the others, and given that he had nobody else to tell him about what happened to his friends let alone what happened to Himeno, Aki accepted the fact that she just also left him for the sake of her own emotional health and sanity. He would've liked a warning at least, along with a goodbye.
Maybe... maybe things could be better now. He didn't die like everyone thought he would after all. He could go to Himeno's apartment and surprise her with a "Surprise, bitch! I'm alive, bet you didn't expect that, huh?"
Yeah, he liked that idea.
Aki would be lying if he said he wasn't angry anymore for everyone giving up on him (he might have given up on himself, but the others weren't allowed to do it too), but he genuinely wanted to see them again. Plus, it was the best option right now. Most probably Himeno would be shocked to see him alive and healthy, and even let him stay with her until he could get back on his feet.
It might have been some time since he's last been at her apartment, but he could still remember with clarity the way there.
Aki waited for around 25 minutes and when the bus took a certain turn, he was able to instantly recognize they grey and white buildings with parks filled with kids playing, people riding their bikes and one person walking their dog.
As the bus reached his stop, he pressed the button that signaled when someone wanted to get down.
He took a deep breath, this zone was always windy no matter what the weather was, something to do with the aerodynamics of high buildings or some shit like that. To be honest, it wasn't that important for him to be worth remembering.
He started walking towards the apartments, the smallest compared to the others. It only had 5 floors, and if you looked closely, Aki could notice the same old graffitis from years ago. Apparently nobody ever bothered to clean them.
It felt... weird to see so many people happily going on with their lives, meanwhile he just got out of the hospital after spending so long trying to survive. Time stopped for no one, that was true.
As he got in the elevator, his hands started to shake once again. He put them inside his pockets just to feel the pack of cigarettes in one of them. He still hasn't thrown it away for a reason unknown to him.
It cost me money, it would be a waste to get rid of it , he thought.
The elevator stopped in the 4th floor, and walked towards the door with the number 307 on it.
Aki looked at it for a while, not knowing where this spike of anxiety came from. It was just Himeno, she wasn't going to hurt him, he knew that. Besides, she never showed signs of anger or anything like that the days before she stopped visiting.
He breathed in and pressed the doorbell, taking a step behind to wait for her to open the door.
What would he say once she saw him? Definitely not what he thought back at the bus. How would she react? Most likely she would try to do a welcome party or something like that, with lots of alcohol and food. He softly smiled at that thought, it was so like her. He hopes she actually makes that party, that way she would invite Angel and maybe they could talk this out... Perhaps they could even--
Mmh .
He raised his hand to ring the doorbell again, maybe Himeno was sleeping. However, the door opened before he could do it.
"Himeno-se..."
His voice faded with whatever he was going to say, since it wasn't Himeno who opened the door.
It was an older woman, probably around her seventies or so. She looked at him with poor concealed curiosity before offering him a kind smile.
"Good morning, dear. Who are you searching for?" It was made apparent that she didn't expect anyone to come see her, as sad as that sounds, given the nature of that question. Aki couldn't help but feel sorry for her.
However, he had more important things to worry about. Did he forget about the door number? He was so sure that it was 307…
"Good morning," he bowed respectfully. "I'm looking for an old friend, her name's Himeno. I'm sorry for bothering you, it seems like I got the door number wrong… Do you know her?"
The woman's eyes opened in surprise, her kind and warm smile quickly changed to one full of sadness.
"Ah… Miss Himeno, yes I know her," she nodded. "Did nobody tell you?"
Aki's hands startled to tremble once again, he clapped them together behind his back to hide it.
"Tell me what?"
She sighed, stepping aside and opening the door wider.
"Why don't you come in and drink tea with me? This is not the kind of news that is easy to tell…"
Despite not wanting to get in, he agreed to the invitation anyway. He stepped inside with slow footsteps, looking around the apartment and noticing how everything felt wrong . He knew this apartment like he knew the back of his hand, but it was no longer the apartment he grew to know. It was not the same living room where he spend many hours during his teenage years listening to Himeno's music cassettes on the radio or recording movies on her VHS every time they were shown on TV. It was not the same kitchen where Aki spent many stressful nights studying for finals and doing late homework at the same time, all the while Himeno drank beer beside him and talked non-stop.
It was the same apartment, yet it was not.
He sat on the couch, elbows resting on his knees with his hands clasped together. His gaze was still fixed in looking at every corner of the place, completely filled with deep nostalgia. He didn't even notice when the woman came back into the living room, only coming back to his senses when she left a cup of tea right in front of him, on top of the center table.
"It's tea with melissa herbs, I heard its very good for stress and anxiety," she said. "Be careful, it's still hot."
Aki wondered if his nervousness was that obvious.
"Thank you," he took the cup with both hands, having little to not care that his hands burned with the touch. After all, he just wanted to warm them up. Fall had started a week before, so the weather was starting to get really cold these days.
The woman sat in front of him with her own cup, both staying in a weird, but sort of comfortable silence for a few minutes.
"Miss Himeno had been arrested two years ago, I bought her apartment a few months after that happened," the woman broke the silence with such abruptness that Aki didn't know how to immediately react. He just looked at her, his expression slowly turning into one full of perplexion.
"Arrested?"
She nodded, and let him process that in the silence that followed.
"Why?" He decided to ask.
But he already knew why, and the woman noticed that the young man in front of her didn't want to hear an answer to that. His shaking hands holding the tea cup were enough to tell.
Seated on one of the many park benches scattered around, he took out a cigarette stick once again. He contemplated it with a lost expression, gaze fixated in it as if he were searching for something. Once he felt apparently satisfied, he returned it to its place inside the cigarette pack.
Miss Watanabe (she told him her name after) gave him some details when she noticed that he was not going to say anything else later. She told him bits that he already knew, or better said, she helped him remember things he had forgotten long ago.
It was a matter of time, he felt like an idiot for believing that nothing had happened.
Aki gave her his thanks before stepping outside the tainted apartment, leaving the poor woman worried upon seeing him so… out of it. Now he's here, sitting on a bench and trying to enjoy the cold breeze that came with fall, hoping that it would drift away every bad feeling that was growing inside of him.
Now what? He thought. I don't have anybody else's number…
Aki did not want to sleep on the streets, who would? Unfortunately, it seemed to be his only option now.
He let his head lean back, eyes looking directly at the bright sky. The longer he spent sitting there, bit by bit he started to formulate a solid plan that he could follow for the following days. First priority would be to search for a job, starting today while the sun was still up and then worry about where to sleep once night comes. It was three in the afternoon now, two hours after being discharged from the hospital and the dreadful talk with Miss Watanabe. He still had some hours left to go.
Right now he felt hungry, and now that he thought about it, he noticed how he didn't drink the tea that the kind old woman had made for him.
Standing up with little energy, he started to walk without any destination in mind. Aki would simply let his feet take him wherever they wanted to go, anywhere was better than here. Anywhere that was far away from these dreadful blocks of apartments.
It's better to just forget about this , was his own logic. Placing his hands inside his pockets and squeezing the pack of Marlboro's without any care of damaging the cigarettes inside of it, he walked away from everything.
By the way, wasn't it Himeno who introduced him to smoking in the first place?
Whatever .