Chapter Text
To say that Rei Suwa had a complicated childhood would be an understatement. Okay, a vast understatement.
He never knew his mother. She abandoned him shortly after giving birth and never looked back. Most of the time Rei hates her, but sometimes he thinks she was lucky to have gotten away when she did. He would have given anything for a way out when he was younger.. Rei's father is a real piece of shit. A dictator. An abusive, emotionless asshole. But never a dad.
For years Rei was beaten, and tortured whenever he slipped up and made a mistake, including calling his father 'dad'. He was to refer to him as 'boss' at all times. His father never wanted children, never wanted anything other than to be a respected and powerful hitman. From infancy, Rei was passed on to a series of his father's lackeys, each one more cold, and uncaring than the next. When he was only a few years old, his training began. If he was going to live under his father's roof, he was expected to carry his own weight. To follow in the Boss's footsteps and become a deadly assassin.
And so he did.
Now it's been years since he's had any contact with 'the boss'. He disappeared, moved to a different city, and using the only skill he has (as a gun for hire), he's created a new life for himself.
It's a lonely one.
Rei was never allowed to have friends, or family. He's had associates, and even that has always been limited. He's basically been alone his whole life, with only himself for company.
It's not that he hates himself or anything, not entirely.. but it's kind of hard to see the good in yourself, to love yourself, when nobody else ever has.
What even is love anyway?
If his own parents couldn't love him then surely nobody else could.
Rei resigned himself to a life of solitude long ago. Never having been given the opportunity to form any real connections, his social skills are severely lacking. He's quiet, he keeps to himself.
He does have one business associate these days, a man named Kyu, who's basically the middle-man that supplies him with jobs. They aren't friends or anything though.. He's never cared about having friends. Doesn't even know how.
Rei has never really liked people all that much, but cats, cats are pretty cool.
He's not confident that he'd be able to take care of one properly, so he doesn't have one. Sometimes though (At least five times a week), he feeds the strays he finds roaming around the park near his apartment building. Sometimes he wishes he could hide one in his jacket and take it home..
Things are easier, no doubt, but life is still complicated now that he's on his own.
A lifetime of abuse and neglect has left Rei with more than a few issues. For one, he thinks he might be depressed, although he won't fully admit it to himself because it's weak. Which.. is obviously another issue.
Internet searches, which he had made sure he was in incognito mode for, highly suggested that he seek therapy. It took him months to gather the courage to schedule an appointment (under a false name of course), but he never even made it to the inside of the building before fleeing the scene. Discussing his life, his private business with a clipboard wielding stranger… no fucking thank you.
It's not that he can't talk about things, he just doesn't see the benefit. The past happened, whether he opens up about it or not, it's too late to fix that shit. But he does need change, he craves it. On weekdays he tracks down targets and snipes them through the head, and on weekends he does the same things in video games. He buys dinner from the convenience store, usually whatever microwave meal he can find on sale, downs energy drinks like they're going out of style, and smokes a pack of cigarettes a day. That's it, that's his life.
Depressing.
It's getting harder and harder to get out of bed in the late afternoons, some days he wants to lay in the tub all day long.
The same day he skips out on a job for the first time ever, is the same day he knows that he can't keep going on the way he is. As much as he hates to admit it, and he really hates to admit it, he's lonely.
It's eating away at him how fucking lonely he is, and it's embarrassing, even though nobody's around to see his cheeks heat up when he realizes it. Rei isn't an emotionless robot like the boss was, but he's not far from it. He struggles with not wanting to be anything like his birth father and coming to terms with the fact that this is how he was raised to be. He's emotionally stunted. So yeah, unfortunately he's not far from being a fucking robot, just going through the motions of life and hating almost every moment of it. He has some things to work on, okay? While other people smile and laugh, he keeps a straight face, or scowls to pass the time. He's not even sure if he's ever fully smiled, although once or twice his lip has twitched at the corner from playing with a fluffy kitten.
God, he wants a fucking cat.
Here are the facts:
Rei is depressed, lonely, and horny (Yeah, horny. He's a grown man, with needs. Sue him). He has the social skills of a cardboard box, and the personality to match. The most interesting thing about him is also the one thing that he can never tell anybody about; That he's a mother fucking hitman. Which he has a love/hate relationship with. Aside from gaming, it's the only thing he's ever been good at, but it also disgusts him to know that his life still revolves around something that was originally forced on him by his worthless father. And even worse, he kind of likes it. That has to say something about him.
Oh, and he's a virgin, who's never been in a relationship. So there's that.
Somewhere in his search for help, Rei read that if therapy wasn't an option for whatever reason, that the next best thing might be finding someone to talk to online. Someone who doesn't know you in real life, because apparently that makes it easier to discuss your problems. Like there's less fear of being judged or something if the interaction is anonymous. Again, he isn't interested in delving into his past, but he thinks the idea of an online 'friend' has a certain amount of appeal. It's too hard to make friends in real life, like, where do you even find them? Just thinking about it makes his palms itch.
Nobody would want to be friends with a guy like him, he's sure, but for the sake of his sanity he can't drop the idea.
Step one to a better future: Find a friend.
As Rei does with most unknown things, he starts on Reddit.
There's a subreddit for just about anything you can think of, so it only takes a minute to find one full of losers looking for friends or special friends. Now he's about to be one of those losers too, fucking great.
This has to be the most pathetic thing he's ever done.
At least, it would be if he ever made it that far. What actually happens is undoubtedly worse…
You see, the thing about Reddit is, one wrong click and suddenly you're falling head first down a rabbit hole, into a topic you never would've thought twice about before. And that's exactly what happens to Rei that weekend.
Somehow, don't fucking ask, he ends up on a CG/L personal forum. Which apparently stands for caregiver/little. These are terms that Rei has little to no knowledge of, which leads to a quick search, and then spirals into hours of unbidden research. He finds acronyms like 'DD/LB', that lead to him googling what the heck a 'daddy dom' is and, Oh… Now he's really intrigued.
Rei has heard of sugar daddies before, of course, but this is something else entirely. And obviously he knows general things about BDSM, and distantly in the back of his mind he remembers seeing things online about ageplay, but he's never looked into it. Never really tried to understand it, until now. He always just thought it was one of those weird things that you only ever hear about happening online, not something real people partake in. Yeah, Reddit is still the internet, but the people posting there have always just felt more real for some reason. Maybe it doesn't make any sense, but now he's scrolling through dozens of recent ads, all from different daddies or mommies looking for babies and his pulse is racing.
There are other forums, where 'littles' talk about their experiences with different caregivers, and post photos of themselves wearing diapers or drinking bottles. Sometimes there's a sexual side to it, and sometimes there's not. The whole thing is so bizarre, but also.. There are certain aspects of it that he just can't get out of his mind now that they've been planted there.
Rei really wants to think that he's just easily fascinated by learning new things, but suddenly hours have passed, it's pitch black outside and he's missed his chance to go out and buy something for dinner that night.
For the first time in a long time, he doesn't play video games until dawn, before falling asleep with a gun in his hand. He wouldn't be any good with his thoughts all over the place. When his head hits the pillow at the bottom of the bathtub that he calls a bed, he can't get the image out of his mind– strong hands holding his hips, patting his head, a firm voice telling him, "Good boy."
Nobody's ever told him he was good before. Probably because he isn't. But maybe.. maybe he could be.
XXX
Over the next few days, Rei's thoughts don't settle and then dissipate, like he expects them to. Browsing personals (just for fun) becomes just as much a part of his daily routine as anything else is. Too Many times a day he finds himself unlocking his phone just to immediately click on Reddit.
He scrolls through the littles forums, learning what brands and shops people like, what different people are looking for in a caregiver and red flags to avoid. He checks out a Dom page and gets a bit put off. Everything is black, restraints, all about obedience and punishment. It's intimidating. Then Rei browses the CG/s forum instead and the differences are staggering. Everything is cute, soft pastel colors, with an emphasis on safety. There are words like 'subspace', 'dropping' and 'aftercare'. People discuss the importance of safewords, but also dive into praise and punishment options. The term brat gets thrown around and it sounds a lot less intimidating then the things being discussed in the D/s forum.
He stumbles upon a beginners page that talks about how to slip into a little headspace and how good it feels to escape the stress of adulthood and to be small again for a while. Apparently some people also tend to 'regress' due to childhood traumas or neglectful parents growing up, and he quickly learns to avoid those topics. Coping mechanism they say.. Which makes him feel uncomfortable. Rei does even more research and learns about contracts and then he finds himself reading different posts about what daddy doms look for in a little boy (also just for fun).
Weeks go by and checking the different forums becomes as natural as checking his work email, or pissing when he wakes up.
Rei doesn't know what the hell he's thinking the day that he gets on the personals forum and starts typing out an ad of his own. His fingers just move.
But then he can't seem to hit the submit button and deflates. Putting himself out there like that just seems like too much. What if his inbox got flooded with replies? It would be overwhelming. Even worse, what if he got none at all…
Then he sees a post made by a CG that catches his attention:
28 [M4M] Daddy seeking little 20+
Submitted by PapaKuru 49 minutes ago.
Tall, athletic build, flexible job, Tokyo based. Available most nights and weekends. Available via text throughout the day. Looking for a 20+ little boy. Would prefer a long-term relationship. No pics required. No experience necessary. Must be able to take care of himself, but wants extra care and attention. Please reply with your chit-chat username, or phone number if interested.
It's one of the only submissions he's seen within the area so far, grammatically correct, with no gimmicks. Too many of the other's sound like generic copy and pastes, 'Nurturing, with a firm hand when necessary'. Which is totally fine, but could you be any less original? Besides, he likes that this guy is on the younger end of the spectrum. Most all daddies seem to be at least 35, with years of experience, it's kind of nerve wracking..
Before he spirals into a dark cloud of self doubt, he sends a reply:
22m. Interested. 080-1234-56**
.
.
.
Rei has regrets almost immediately.
First off, should he have said more? What kind of message just reads 'interested'? How interested could you be if that's all you bother to reply with?? But what else could he have said.. Should he have given more information, or is it better to be mysterious? He has almost no history with messaging, so. And okay, maybe he shouldn't have given his phone number to a complete stranger, who might not even be who he says he is, but.. No, it's fine. He could always block the number if anything goes wrong. Not that this guy will probably get back to him anyway.
To get his mind off of constantly checking for a reply that he might never see, he decides to go to the guy's account and see where else he's posted. It's mostly meme pages, conspiracy stuff, and epic food fails. Reading individual comments would be a little too close to stalker territory, so he avoids that, but keeps scrolling through, only to find out if he's posted any other DD/LB related things before. Surprisingly, there's nothing. No other personal ads, and no posts in any kink forums.
After a while, Rei ends up taking a job, just for something productive to do and heads out of his stuffy apartment.
XXX
It's after nine when he gets a reply, the fact that he has only one other contact gives away what the notification is immediately. It's not the same sound that app notifications make. He doesn't want to seem too eager, so he finishes the game that he's in the middle of dominating, even though his heart rate is through the roof and he spends the next ten minutes constantly glancing down at his phone.
His hands are close to trembling when he unlocks it and reads:
Hey there, it's 'PapaKuru'.
He seriously cannot believe that his just for fun research and intrigue has led him here. It's embarrassing to have absolutely no clue what he's doing.
Rei: Hi. So, I'm not great at messaging.
PapaKuru: That's okay, we'll work on it. What should I call you?
After an internal debate on whether to give out his actual name, he decides this whole thing would be incredibly pointless if he wasn't honest.
Rei: Names Rei.
PapaKuru: Rei, you can call me Kazuki for now.
Rei: Okay, Kazuki.
Kazuki: Can you tell me a little about yourself? Anything you're comfortable sharing.
Rei: I'm 22. Slender. Average height. Dark hair. Living in Tokyo.
Kazuki: Good. Are you new to ddlb?
Rei: That obvious, huh? Yeah, I've never had a Daddy or a Dom or anything. Is that okay?
Kazuki: That's perfectly fine. I've never had a little before either, though I've been interested in the idea for a while now. Are you okay with a first time CG?
He wondered, when the ad didn't mention experience, if this was the reason. A lot of littles seem to prefer someone who already 'knows what they're doing', but Rei finds the whole thing less intimidating now. At least he's not the only one out of his element here.
Rei: Actually, I think I prefer it.
Kazuki: We can figure things out together then, Rei. I'm gonna ask you some questions, and I need you to be honest, okay? If you don't feel comfortable or don't know, then that's okay too.
Rei: Okay.
He's nervous but in an almost thrilled sort of way, and he's never texted this much in his life, but things seem to be going fine so far. Better than he thought. Rei shuts off his gaming system and actually climbs into his real bed to settle in for a bit. He's not going to sleep there, but right now the living room feels too open.
Kazuki: Are you interested in the sexual aspect as well, or just the ddgl dynamic?
Even though he was completely prepared for this topic to come up, he still has to bury his face under a pillow for a full two minutes before replying.
Rei: Sexual, I think.
Kazuki: Okay. We can take things as slow as we need to. Get familiar with each other and our new roles first. There's no rush.
Rei: That sounds reasonable.
Rei: Good*
Kazuki: Is this something you want to keep over the phone, or eventually meet in person?
Rei: Can we see how things go? I'm open to the idea of working our way up.
Kazuki: No problem. You're doing great. Do you have any triggers or anything I should know about?
Rei: I don't wanna talk about my family, or job. I think that's it.
Kazuki: Okay, keep me updated if anything changes. Can I call you baby, or would you prefer something else?
His face is so warm, he knows it has to be a deep shade of pink. Again, he hides under his pillow, even though he's by himself. He already feels less alone than he has in a long time. It's strange having someone to talk to.
Rei: I like baby. Should I call you daddy?
Kazuki: Yes. You can call me daddy now, unless there's anything else you want to negotiate?
Rei: No, I don't think so.
Kazuki: Alright then, we'll discuss other topics as they come up.
Rei: Okay, daddy.
It takes Kazuki several minutes to respond.
Kazuki: I'll message you every morning. I want you to reply to me when you wake up and I'd like a few updates throughout the day if possible. You can check in, tell me how your day is going, or anything else you'd like. I'll respond when I can. Are you comfortable with that?
Rei: Yeah, that sounds nice.
Kazuki: I'd like you to make an Amazon wishlist and send me the link, okay? It won't tell me your address or any personal information, so no need to worry about that. I'd like to be able to send you gifts when you're good, if that's alright?
Rei: What about punishment?
Kazuki: Thinking about being bad already? Lol. Let's see how this goes, and if you're interested in a punishment aspect then we can talk about that later. Be sure to communicate if you're not happy about how things are going at any time. I want you to enjoy yourself.
Rei: I'll work on a wishlist. Thank you, daddy.
"Daddy.."
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