Chapter Text
Monday, 29th September, 2008 - Max's POV
I sense her presence before I see her.
It's nothing supernatural, though I wish it was. Something like a Chloe-tector would have made the past half hour easier to bear. I wouldn't have been wondering if I was going in the right direction, I would have known from the get-go that my assumption about her whereabouts had been correct.
As I near the tree house, the woods have already fallen silent around it. Birds chirp further off in the distance, small animals that used to flee my steps, are nowhere to be seen, so I suspect someone walked this path not long ago. Soft sunlight tumbles through the multi-colored leaves and green needles. The hearty scent of autumn forest drifts through the air, moss and wet earth covered with leaves and rotting bark.
To both sides of the path I see mushrooms sprout. Here, away from the main paths through the forest, they actually have time to grow. Not one of them is cut down to the stump. Still, I see one or two trampled over by careless boots. One guess whom these boots belong to.
Every step I take along the narrow path overgrown with blackberry tendrils intensifies the smells. If I hadn't had doubts about what I am doing here, I would have sunken into a day-dreaming stroll mode by now and forgotten about the nightmares that disrupted my sleep. I don't, because I'm actually on a mission.
And I know I'm about to reach my mission's goal when I'm still a corner short of making it to our tree house. The absence of animals taken by surprise, the calm around me that is suddenly disturbed by clattering of wood and the subtle sense of movement ahead, are sure signs.
Chloe is here.
If I had still been unsure about this, the sight that greets me when I reach the small clearing with the big oak tree is the last verification I need. A tall girl with long blonde hair, clad in dirtied jeans and probably the only white and black shirt she could find in her closet, is up in the tree, sitting on one of the thick branches that hold up our tree house. Armed with a black sharpie, she attacks the wooden planks of the building.
Chloe is here, and she is more than a bit upset.
But a marker is not the best tool to write on weathered wood. I see her struggling to get down what she wants to write, muttering curses under her breath as she leans all her weight into the sharpie and then starts hammering the pen against the plank.
Sharp stings of guilt ripple through me. I should have tried harder to convince our parents to let me stay the night. Leaving her alone only hours after a time jump like that, after what happened before. Between finding Rachel's corpse, me being abducted, her getting shot, she also decided she was ready to die if that would save her mother and her home town. Too taken up by what was happening here in this timeline, we didn't talk about any of that yesterday. My parents are about to move, we know about things that have not happened yet, and don't ever have to, but could happen. We didn't find answers, and I was already feeling bad about leaving her, because I felt she was more overwhelmed than me. Now I feel worse.
The girl - Chloe, I have to remind myself, older Chloe in her younger body - stops her attack on the tree house, having at least managed to write some profanities against the universe and various authorities on the planks, and turns halfway around on the branch.
Her eyes land on me standing below the oak and anger is momentarily replaced by a smile that lights up even the black sharpie markings. It does things to me, mostly confusing things. My brain still struggles to connect her physical appearance to the nineteen-year old Chloe I reunited with only a week ago.
Well, a week ago five years into the future. Which is our past. It still gives me headaches.
Chloe's smile fades into a frown I can't fully interpret. There is still anger in there, but also other things that are harder to extract. It's definitely a frown I know from nineteen-year old Chloe, not from her younger self. So she didn't vanish overnight...
"Max?", she asks, as if uncertain.
"Hey.", I mumble, raising my hand and sheepishly smiling up to her, "Yeah, it's me. Older me."
She nods, some tension leaving her shoulders and they slump. Chloe looks down at the marker. With a huff she fishes the cap out of her pocket and puts it on the pen. She is moving carelessly on the branch and I flinch as she swings herself towards the entrance of the tree house. Somehow she doesn't fall, but plops down at the edge of the wooden floor of the house, legs dangling down.
Eyes fixed on the marker, Chloe twirls it between her fingers.
"Permission to come aboard, Captain?", I call up, my voice laden with the guilt I wanted to hide.
"Granted.", Chloe mumbles. I see the hint of a smile on her lips, but she doesn't shift her eyes away from the sharpie. She knows she is supposed to be in school. After all it's a Monday and no one cares that we need some time to adjust after traveling back by five years not even twenty-four hours ago.
I climb up the ladder. Heights were never my thing - no, actually, heights were never a problem when I was a kid. They became one when we moved to Seattle and high trees were replaced by sky scrapers, wood by concrete. Of course the buildings in Seattle were much higher than the trees here. The safety measures did nothing to lessen my discomfort with those things.
The wooden steps of the ladder creak under my weight, but still feel sturdy enough. I'm going slow, keeping in mind that I'm not used to being in my younger body of different proportions. Climbing up to tree house level I see that Chloe has shifted to make room. I pull myself upwards and come to sit next to her, legs dangling free.
She keeps staring at the marker.
"So what are you doing here? Except from playing 'Romani ite domum?'"
"What?", she asks, confusion lifting her eyes almost to level with mine.
"Life of Brian? The scene where Brian gets the Latin lesson?"
"Oh. Yeah, that's basically all I'm doing.", she mumbles, "Next to running from home."
"Why are you running?"
I can think of at least two reasons, but I don't want to do guesswork. I want her to tell me, talk to me.
Chloe shrugs, biting her lower lip.
"Your dad is worried. He called my mom to ask if you were with me, because you didn't show up at school."
"Fuck school.", Chloe mutters.
I would be Moral Max and tell her that school is important, even if it sucks, but I'm sure she knows. She doesn't need someone to tell her what to do. She needs someone to be understanding of why she skips school. That's what she lacked all those years, right? Someone to understand?
"You're not there either.", she adds after some moments of silence.
"Moving in two days.", I remind her. And myself. Despite things being different this time, I'm afraid. More so than five years ago, I'm scared of what will happen. "I should be back home and pack my things."
The scowl on Chloe's face deepens at my words.
"Then what are you doing here?"
I want to reach over and take her hand. I don't. At least not yet.
"Looking out for my best friend."
Chloe swallows hard, before directing her eyes at mine. "How could I go to school, Max? Tell me how I should face all those people with the knowledge what they will do, where they will end up, or could... Rachel, she probably doesn't know I exist, what would I - I can't do that, Max. And Nathan would be around, everyone."
She wrings her hands. "Shit, Max, I can't even look at Joyce without thinking of David. How the hell could I face the people at school?"
"You shouldn't have to.", I say in lack of better words, "At least not so soon."
I didn't think about how Chloe would feel about her parents... it's perfectly logical for her to be confused, now that I think about it. Great, and I thought this would fix things once and for all. All it did was bring Chloe another kind of struggle.
I reach out now, placing a hand on Chloe's back. She flinches at the touch and I pull back.
"N-no.", she stammers, "It's fucking bullshit! I see my mom, I should be fucking happy to see her together with dad again, right? And - and all I can think of is how she was after he died. It - I can't turn those thoughts off, Max, I can't even talk to her properly. Or to dad... I - I always feel like either crying or - or yelling at him for leaving me."
She takes a shuddering breath.
I return my hand to her back and she lets the breath out in a sob.
"I want to value the time I got back. Shit, I should be fucking happy, right? Why does it have to be so complicated? I get what I want and I still can't - fuck! Fuck all of this bullshit!"
She wipes angrily at her eyes.
"It's all a big fucking joke! The universe just fucks me over one way or another. I get dad back and I can't even tell him how much I missed him or what it means to me to have this chance. I can't stay in that fucking house, Max."
"We will figure something out.", I say and rub her back in what I hope is a reassuring motion.
"How are we gonna figure anything out? You're leaving in two days."
I want to promise that it won't be that bad, but the enthusiasm from yesterday has vanished into thin air. I wish I could conjure it back up and assure her that we will make it. Hearing how she is handling this situation though...
"I can't - I don't want you to go.", Chloe mumbles.
"I don't want to go either.", I say quietly.
"Then don't. Please, Max... I can't do this on my own." She looks up and the fear on her face pulls at my heart. As if it needed any more convincing to know what it wants.
"But you want to do this, right?", I ask gingerly, "You want to stay in this reality, don't you?"
"What? Of course." Chloe shakes her head. "As fucked up as all of this is, I would never change it back for that shit life I had before. I want to make it work. With my parents. With - with you."
Warmth creeps into me at those words, pulling at my heart even more.
"Hell, even with fucking Blackwell.", Chloe adds, "If only to get to go to college with you."
"Chloe... " I take a deep breath and put my arm around her waist, "I don't want you to pull through just because of that. If you decide school is not for you, then your parents will totally accept that. I mean, you're hella talented when it comes to fixing machines and stuff. I'm sure you could do anything you put your heart into. And we have the advantage to know that you'll turn out awesome no matter if you finish school or not."
That draws a choked chuckle from Chloe. "You dorky sap. You know you're supposed to push me to finish school, right?"
"I thought reverse psychology might work."
"I really wanna try, Max, I just don't know how, when all I can think of is a future that will probably never happen. And knowing so much about people I shouldn't even be familiar with... I couldn't face them in school today."
"I totally understand."
"Yes, you do." Chloe flashes me a small smile that only lasts a second. "But how do I explain that to my parents? Dad knows something is up. What am I supposed to tell him?"
I have the answer already at hand.
"Don't lie to him. Tell him all of this is overwhelming. You don't have to name the reasons for that, but if you need one... I'm moving to Seattle. That should be reason enough for you to act out."
Chloe sniffles. "Yes, that could work. I think I can do that."
"It will. I kind of tested it."
She raises an eyebrow.
"When William called us and mom picked up, I told them I told you about the move yesterday and you were really upset.", I explain, "I even got mom to agree that I could stop packing and search for you."
"You knew I would be here?"
I shrug. "Figured you wouldn't take on the long walk to the junkyard without a car to cut it short. Also, you don't have the outfit to go with American Rust yet."
That earns me another chuckle. "True. Gotta do something about that soon. Especially about this hella long hair."
Chloe throws a strand of that hella long hair over her shoulder.
"I don't have a fucking clue how I could ever put up with it.", she remarks, "Gets in the way no matter what I do. And it takes an eternity to dry after showering. You don't happen to have scissors on you, do you?"
"I'm glad I don't."
"Oh come on!", Chloe exclaims, "What's wrong with me cutting my hair short?"
"Nothing. I just don't want to be responsible for the cut coming out a horrible mess."
"I would take it all on me."
"Don't want that either."
"Sap again."
Her smile meets mine and widens at that. That and the sparkle in her eyes is contagious and hypnotizing, drawing me in. I'm about to get lost in their deep, open blue, when Chloe clears her throat.
"So, uhm, did you try talking to your folks about Seattle?"
It takes all my determination not to look away from her.
"I did.", I whisper, "I told them I didn't want to go, listed a bunch of reasons. I didn't back down."
"But you're still going." A statement, bitter and angry, but still a statement.
"I don't think they really listened.", I grumble, "You know how parents sometimes pretend to be understanding, but in fact their mind is already set and they won't be bothered with whatever you say. 'Yes, we know, it's hard and unfair, blabla.' That's all I got from them."
"Shit.", Chloe mumbles.
I didn't expect them to cave in or something, but they could at least listen to what I have to say about this. They could at least take their child's opinion seriously if they're going to force it to move.
"Fucking bullshit.", I agree, "I don't know what else to try. I mean, I don't know if there is anything I could try that would change their mind."
"Maybe I should talk to them."
"Yes, give them the Chloe-Price treatment.", I snicker and roll my eyes, "I'm sure your palette of nice words and social skills will convince them that we need to stay in touch unconditionally."
Chloe lets out a scandalized gasp. "Did you just call my mouth foul?"
I shrug, smirking at her. "What if I did?"
Her smirk matches mine.
"I'd have to prove you wrong."
"You'd so have to.", I agree, "But before you do, promise me you'll try to keep your 'untimely' behavior to yourself, when I take you over to my house."
Chloe raises an eyebrow. "You're taking me over? To what do I owe that privilege?"
"To the conditions on which I was allowed to go out in search for you."
"Fuck conditions.", Chloe grumbles, "I won't like them, will I?"
I sigh. "No, I don't like them either. I promised mom and William I would bring you back with me, and then I would finish packing my stuff."
"Well, then fuck those conditions crosswise."
"You know I don't mind getting in trouble for you, but in this case - Chloe, I don't want you to get into any more trouble with your parents."
"You're cute."
"I mean it." A week ago I would have cared about how vulnerable my words make me. By now, I walked up to a freaking tornado, I kissed my best friend right in front of it, what's some stupid words?
And somehow my vulnerability is just as persuasive as Chloe's smile.
She sighs. "I know. And I'll come with you."
"So, uhm, that wasn't actually part of the conditions, but if our parents allow it, would you come over and help me?"
"Are you serious?", she snarls, "You want me to help you pack so you can move to Seattle even faster?"
"I have to do it, Chloe. I hate it as much as you do, but..." I gulp. "I don't want to do it on my own. And it means we can spend more time together."
"We could stay here and spend all the time today together.", Chloe suggests.
I prepare to protest, but she cuts me off. "I know, I know, no more trouble than necessary. Of course I'll help you. It fucking sucks, but I take all the time I get to be with you."
She shakes her head and starts to get up.
"Wait."
"What?"
She sags down again.
My cheeks catch fire as I mumble: "Weren't you going to prove me wrong?"
A smile lights her features, setting my innards on fire as well.
"All that serious talk and I almost forgot.", she murmurs, leans towards me and tucks a lonely strand of hair behind my ear. A frown overshadows her smile. She bites her lower lip, looking freaking cute if not for that seriously furrowed brow.
I frown back. "What's wrong?"
"I'm a stupid dickhead."
"You're not."
"I am, Max, I didn't even care to ask how you were doing and just dumped all my shit on you.", she says, locking my eyes with hers.
"No worries, Chlo, I'm good. The hardest decision I had to make today was which breakfast variation to choose, and I get to be with you right now, so I'm actually really happy."
I grin at her, even as she doesn't respond to that. Instead, her frown deepens.
"Really?", she asks, "You look hella tired."
Waking up with a scream on my lips, skin cold and sweaty and my heart hammering in my chest. Silent tears guiding me back to restless sleep. Nightmares I had forgotten, they rush back to the forefront of my mind.
I swallow, my throat suddenly dry and raw like sandpaper.
"I didn't sleep very well.", I admit, evading her eyes at last.
"Nightmares?"
I nod.
"Tell me about them?" Her voice is soft.
"On the way back?"
"Okay."
My eyes are drawn back to hers, azure magnets pulling me in.
Right now I just want to drown in them and forget we ever had a life before this.
Chloe leans towards me and I close the distance left.
No five years apart, no week of constant anxiety and tragedy... and loss, nothing that would haunt my dreams. I want to forget I ever saw her die, pretend we never parted and are just the girls from 2008. All I want is to be happy that we're here together.
It works for the moment in which our lips meet and I close my eyes, lose myself and feel time pulsing around us. I feel my soulmate the same way in my arms, pulsing steady and in tune with me.