Work Text:
Maura struggled with her cart, and to her surprise a tautly muscled woman helped her with the door.
"Jack Armstrong," she said by way of introduction, and Maura set the cart down on the base, held out her hand.
"Jack's an... uncommon name for a woman," she said finally. Jack chuckled, running one hand through her short, curly hair. She was probably part of the IT team, here to help the newbie set up. She was tall; not Jane tall, but taller than Maura, and she had auburn hair, a few shades redder than Maura's, in what was too long to be a traditionally men's haircut but too short to be entirely feminine. She had lashings of freckles over her cheeks and face, as though she spent a lot of time outside, and the sleeves of her simple t-shirt bulged with biceps - Maura had seen those sorts of muscles on people who worked yachts, and the calloused hands backed up that theory. Her face was bare, but Maura thought that makeup would ruin the effect of this woman with her stunning natural beauty. She had eyes bluer than Tommy's, and a cheeky smile that had Maura smiling back, realising she had been staring and trying not to blush. Jack hadn't elaborated on her name, so Maura had to think fast.
"Hello. I'm Dr. Maura Isles." she introduced herself, leaving off the rest of the title so as not to intimidate Jack. "I'm teaching a seminar in forensic science."
"First time?" Jack asked, indicating toward Maura's cart.
"I wasn't sure if there was any, um, audiovisual, uh, system, so I just brought everything."
"All you need is a password for the wireless system." Jack took Maura's laptop from her and set it on the desk, waiting for Maura to sign in. "There should be an email with your credentials for the guest wireless, which will allow you access to the screen and speakers." Maura nodded and accessed her emails, following the prompts to sign in and looking up at the screen with satisfaction.
"I'm just gonna run a quick test to make sure the electrical system has recovered from this morning," Jack said, trying and failing to look innocent.
"Oh, w-why? What happened?" Maura asked, interested despite her creeping worries about her upcoming lecture.
"Some idiot teacher got fed up with the texting and twittering and went overboard with the visuals to try to get the students' attention."
"And did it work?"
"Yep! You bet... for two whole minutes. Then, um... in retrospect, a laser show and 3-D holograms was one gigawatt too many. I just started my lecture on mechanical engineering, and the whole building blacked out."
"Oh, you're... you're a teacher here."
"Yeah. You thought I was the A.V. guy?" Jack chuckled, but not meanly. Not as though she was laughing at Maura's mistake, just amused that she'd come across as competent enough in the school's system to be mistaken for someone technical.
"What? No. No, I didn't," Maura defended herself, feeling the hives rise. She chuckled ruefully, shaking her head. "Yes, I totally did. I am so sorry."
Maura joined in when Jack laughed this time.
"Don't be. Don't be. It means I'm not annoying and pretentious... yet. I mean, mechanical engineering, computer engineering, same ballpark."
"Um, thank you so much for your help," Maura said, wondering how obvious her blush was. Jack was still smiling, looking at her as though she was adorable, and for the first time in a long time she felt as though she was. Felt the little flutter at being admired. She'd always meant to get around to dating women, and this one looked as though she was especially amenable to dating Maura.
"Anytime. It was fun. Break a leg," Jack said with a wink. Maura felt her heart flutter.
---
"You were great," Jack enthused as the students filed out. Maura had wondered why she'd stuck around for the lecture; their fields of study had no intersection.
"You think so? I... I thought I completely botched the section on the importance of statistics and DNA matching," Maura logged out of the wifi and put her laptop to sleep.
"That has nothing to do with teaching. People just don't understand statistics." Maura nodded; she'd said the same thing to Jane before.
"Well, I-I must say that being in front of a class... it's, um, invigorating. It's like being a rock star... without the screaming fans or the money. But I'm... I'm dreading the grading part."
"Mm, it's the worst. When I was a T.A., I used to throw up before and after I turned my grades in," Jack laughed self-deprecatingly.
"Oh, what did you do to change that?"
"It just got easier over time. I still dread it, but I don't throw up my guts anymore, so that's progress."
"I guess I was hoping there was a way I could fix that."
"Probably not. I don't think feelings can be fixed." Jack sighed and looked around, as though looking for a reason to linger. Maura slowed down as she packed up, also reluctant to leave. "Well, if you need any more unhelpful advice, I'll be around."
"Thanks. I'm always looking for the least-helpful advice." Strangely enough flirtatious sarcasm didn't make Maura itch. It was the inflection, she supposed.
"Well, let me help you with this," Jack said, chivalrous again as she opened the door so Maura could wheel her cart through. "And let me help you load your car."
"Thank you." Maura said, letting Jack take the cart from her once they were outside.
"Would you... want to get a coffee with me?" Jack asked, looking down at the cart, then sneaking a sideways glance at Maura to gauge her reaction.
"I'd love to," Maura said honestly. She smiled shyly over at Jack. "As a date? Or a pre-date, or an expression of interest? I don't typically date women, and you are one, so I'm not sure if you're being friendly or more than friendly. Either way is fine."
Jack laughed. "A date. God, you're refreshingly honest, did you know that?"
"A friendly coffee would have been nice," Maura mused. "But a date coffee is infinitely better."
"Ah now, my ex-wife has a lot to say about infinity. She works for NASA."
"A woman after my own heart," Maura said, opening the roomy trunk of her Prius and taking off the straps that bound her equipment. It was nice to spend time with someone so effortlessly intelligent, so ready to put Maura at ease. Their hands brushed over the speakers, and Maura froze for a moment, remembering the last time she'd felt like this, and the one before. How they had ended. The only people attracted to her were murderers, serial killers and face-lickers. She had a moment of dread, wondering which one Jack would turn out to be.
---
"I'm practicing for my next lecture," Maura said, as though that was all there was too it when Jane caught her talking into her hairbrush.
"Yeah, how did it go today?" Maura sighed. She'd been dreading this moment, where Jane asked and Maura would be a transparent pane of glass to her.
"It went well...too well," Maura told her.
"What happened?"
"Nothing. Um... it's just that now there are expectations that I'm gifted as a teacher, and I don't exactly know what I did for anyone to think that. So if someone, or anyone, comes to my next lecture and they're disappointed, maybe they won't like me. And maybe I don't want them to anyway," Maura was aware that she was rambling and blushing, aware that Jane knew something was up.
"Okay," Jane said, watching Maura carefully. "Um... someone paid you a compliment that you're not really handling well beca..." Jane scrutinised Maura for a moment. "You met a guy! Ohh." Jane's eyes it up, and Maura looked away quickly, giving Jane the confirmation she needed. "And you like him! Who is he?!"
"Her name is Jack Armstrong," Maura said nervously. "Short for Jacqueline." She looked up to see how Jane was taking this revelation, but Jane was too caught up in Maura having a potential crush to process that she'd been wrong about the gender of the recipient.
"Jack Armstrong," Jane echoed.
"She's a professor."
"A professor," Jane sounded pleased by this, and Maura was glad that Jane liked the sound of Jack so far.
"She knows how to use tools. She's smart, she's funny, and she may actually be a grown-up, unlike any of the men I've ever dated."
"Seriously?" Jane asked, her eyebrows raised as though she'd only just noticed they were talking about a woman instead of a man. Maura took a deep breath; now for the hard part.
"And when I look at her, I picture us having sex, if you get my drift."
"It'd be impossible not to," Jane's nose scrunched with both the overshare and the terminology Maura used as though it had been subtle. "Wh... but, okay, so what? Why are you so upset? Is it because she's a woman? Massachusetts doesn't care, Maura. And it sounds like you really hit it off with her."
"Because... because I know that it just won't work between us." Maura sighed dramatically. "There's just no way."
"She's married?" Jane asked, eyes narrowing.
"Nope. Divorced, six years. Has a daughter."
"She's about to be deported?"
"Born and raised in Michigan."
"Department rivalry, like a jets/sharks kind of thing? it's..."
"Jane, it's not going to work because it... it just can't. Because every time I feel this way about someone, it ends badly."
"Okay, well, hang on a second. I mean, uh... I've never seen you like this. You're... you're swooning," Jane's eyes were wide as she took in her love-struck best friend.
"To swoon is to faint from emotion."
"I know!" Jane lied. "But I don't have a word for singing in a sexy voice into your hairbrush." They both looked at Jane's belt when it buzzed. "I mean, come on. Give the girl a chance, okay?" Jane pulled out her phone and checked it. "It's Frankie. I gotta go." Jane handed back Maura's cards. "Here. Okay, and we're sexy... sexy, sexy..."
"Go away," Maura said, laughing despite herself at Jane's antics.
"... sexy," Jane said one more time before disappearing backwards out of Maura's office. Her grin was incorrigible, and Maura chuckled to herself, looking over her notes again.
---
"Dr. Isles?" a delivery person asked from the doorway of her office. Jane and Maura turned, and Maura stood, walking towards him.
"Yes."
"Hi. Could you sign here, please?" Maura did so, taking the plant.
"Thank you," Maura said as the delivery guy left.
"She wrote the card in Latin. Barf," Jane shook her head and handed the card back. Maura didn't take it personally; Jane would have said the same thing if the card had been written by a man. "What kind of flowers are these?"
"It's actually a tree. And over the next two weeks the roots are going to get so strong that they're gonna break the ceramic pot unless I re-plant it with enough room to grow."
"A Latin card and a metaphor plant? She could be your soul mate. Or your clone," Jane said it derisively but she had a pleased little smile on her face when she looked over to Maura. Two nerds in a pod. Maura put the plant down and paced nervously in front of her desk.
"The truth is, I have been doing a field study on dating for over 10 years, and I can no longer ignore the results. There is no Mr. or Ms. Right out there for me."
"Maura. Come on, all right? You can't look at relationships like they're scientific experiments."
"The guy who I had the most amazing sexual chemistry with? A face licker."
"Yeah," Jane refrained from mentioning that she'd warned Maura about Giovanni.
"And the next guy who I had feelings for ended up dead, and I was framed for his murder."
"To be fair... getting murdered was not his fault. For all we know, he... he could have been a wonderful boyfriend." Maura wanted to point out his fraud, blackmail and pimping scams, not to mention the unpaid child support showing him for the deadbeat dad he had been - but now he was simply dead so she rolled her eyes and continued.
"And then the guy who said that he really wanted my body..." Maura took a deep breath. Dennis was still hard to talk about. "He meant it literally, because he was a serial killer who made sculptures out of dead women's bodies."
"Yes, that was unfortunate," Jane understated. "But... would a serial killer send you a romantic metaphor plant?"
"I'm not sure. The nerium oleander has two meanings. It's rare and beautiful and also deadly."
"Really?" Jane asked. With most of Maura's dates it could go either way, but this was too much.
"Mm-hmm."
"God, you'd think a girl would brush up on her botany before sending you a tree with mixed messages."
"Okay," Maura said, noting that she and Jane still hadn't talked about it, that this Jack that had her blushing and stumbling over her own words was a woman instead of a man, or that Jane and Maura were both women who'd never really discussed this kind of attraction. Jane was just being supportive regardless of gender, and Maura loved her for that. Jane got to her feet and Maura looked at her in panic. "Where are you going?"
"Honey," Jane said in the voice she used when she was being patient. "I'm sorry. I know you're iffy about trusting your gut when it comes to men - women, whatever - but your professional instincts are spot on, and I think what you said about the irony about Chelsea's death, that could actually be the key to this case." And then Jane was gone, leaving Maura with a metaphor plant and a whirling mind.
--
Maura had decided to be honest with Jack, and had asked her to meet Maura at her office that afternoon. She'd checked the plants; no decomposing body parts, so at least she wasn't a Dennis. Taunting her with evidence in plain sight.
"Hi," Jack said from the doorway. She was dressed in slacks instead of jeans, as though she'd dressed up a little to see Maura. It was sweet, but Maura firmed her resolve.
"Hi," Maura chuckled nervously. "Come on in."
"Thank you."
"Please, have a seat." Maura pointed to the couch but sat herself in the armchair to get some distance. Jack's proximity was intoxicating. She cleared her throat. "I think it's best to be up front."
"Damn," Jack said, like she knew what was coming.
"I... haven't finished yet," Maura said nervously.
"You were gonna say you're not that into me."
"I'm sorry."
"I really thought we had chemistry. It seemed like you thought so, too."
"We do. I-I just think that's... that's actually the problem."
"You're going with "it's not you. It's me"?" Jack asked, raising an eyebrow. Maura loved how she could do that, how expressive her face was; expressive enough that even Maura could read it.
"Oh, no, it's you. Very much you."
"That's direct," Jack said, laughing in surprise.
"For some reason, the men - people - that I have been attracted to all had serious neurological and biological disorders. And since I'm wildly attracted to you, I strongly suggest that you get a full physical and psychological checkup immediately. And don't be afraid of a second opinion because a misdiagnosis would cost you valuable time." Maura got to her feet and stepped back towards her desk, so she would be visible in the morgue window. She'd warned Susie about what she was going to do, and Susie had looked terrified at the idea of having to defend Maura until Maura told her that Jane would be right outside. Just in case,
"You're wildly attracted to me?" Jack asked, her eyebrow quirking knowingly.
"I just told you that you might be severely ill, and that's all you heard?" Maura asked, frustrated.
"Are you sure about this, Maura? Do you really want to live alone in fear, instead of with somebody who knows what it's like to be scared?"
"No," Maura said softly, looking down at the ground.
"Okay, then, so we're both terrified. But the only thing that scares me more than getting hurt is... never falling in love again. It only needs to work out once, right?" Jack got to her feet; Maura could feel Susie's surprise through the window. She'd mentioned Jack's name rather than her gender, and she supposed it might be a surprise to her Senior Criminologist.
"That's what my best friend's mother always says."
"Your friend's mom is a very wise woman."
"Well, she also says you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince."
"Factually incorrect on many levels, but I still like the sentiment."
"That's exactly what I said!"
"So, what do you think?" Jack stepped closer. "I'm not an amphibian with unlikely royal ancestry, but are you willing to take a chance on me anyway?" Maura looked up into Jack's open, honest face and nodded slowly, biting her lip. Jack noticed, her eyes dropping to Maura's mouth as she stepped closer, leaving Maura lots of room to move away if she wanted to. The touch of Jack's hand at Maura's waist was so light, but not as light as the tentative press of Jack's lips against hers, her lips surprisingly soft and sweet considering the lack of cosmetics Jack used. Maura felt herself relaxing and gave Susie a thumbs up through the window.
---
Maura went on the date, to dinner with Jack, and they kissed again when Maura dropped her home, at the front door, because Maura wasn't ready to go inside. Wasn't ready to face the implications of trust that would have her follow someone willingly somewhere that she could be trapped inside. When Maura got home, she wasn't greeted with all the questions she'd been expecting, and she deflated a little, wondering if it was a sign of disapproval. But the two Rizzolis on the couch insisted they were working on their boundaries and were very pleased when Maura revealed that Jack had at no point tried to murder her yet.
Maura had been wondering how Jane would feel - would she be hurt, surprised, resentful? Would she feel betrayed that Maura had never explicitly stated her attraction to women; would she feel like Maura had preyed on her innocence by assuming Maura wasn't attracted to women? Getting changed in front of her, sharing a shower and a room at hotels. Sharing a bed. They'd been so... intimate. So platonically intimate. And Jane was attractive, and Maura found Jane attractive in many ways. But Jane had never indicated that she'd thought of Maura as anything more than a friend, so Maura had kept it to herself. She knew Jane was raised Catholic and while she wasn't really homophobic, Maura had assumed that coming out as not just heterosexual would ruin the vibe between them. And she liked the vibe they had - the casual affection, the way they could rely on each other. When Maura thought she'd killed a man, Jane had her back in ways that Maura didn't think she deserved. There was such a sense of safety and home that Maura felt with Jane, and she hadn't been ready to lose it over something as simple as sexual attraction. She felt as though she'd been underhanded, and usually Jane was quick to call her out on that, but in this case she supposed that Jane must understand. That it had been hard to admit to herself, that it had been something she hadn't been sure about until she had empirical proof in the form of Jack.
"I want you to meet her," Maura blurted out at the end of the week. "You know I have... I told her I have bad taste in men. You know I have bad taste in men. Can you just..."
"I'll meet her," Jane shrugged. "I won't be able to tell, any better than you do."
"You knew with Dennis," Maura said quietly.
"Yeah, but.. Dennis was oozing with charm and then abandoned you for three months. It's been a week."
"It's casual," Maura said. "I mean, I think it is. I'm not going to solidify anything unless I..."
"Alright, I did run her name, okay?" Jane admitted. "Not because I don't trust you, but because I don't want... anything to happen to you again. And she's clean, okay? No reports of domestic violence, no suspicious deaths in her vicinity. Her ex-wife is clean, too. The divorce is final, shared custody is amicable. But I'll meet her. Must be pretty special if she can put a smile like this on your face."
"She's a mechanical engineer," Maura gushed. "She loves information almost as much as I do, and we have a diverse range of topics within our similar interests. We talk for hours. I don't think I've ever had someone willing to listen to me. Not like this."
Jane swallowed her hurt; while she did listen to Maura, it was mostly under protest and sprinkled with complaints.
"It's about time," Jane said, feeling her ring finger where her engagement ring wasn't. Even with Casey she hadn't been giddy like this. The last time she'd been this giddy was when she'd told Ma about the new Chief ME. She swallowed, and Maura noticed the action around her ring finger and must have assumed she was being insensitive.
"You're my best friend," Maura said firmly. "And I don't expect to have less time with you simply because I'm seeing someone."
Another blow to the gut. Jane knew she'd neglected Maura when Casey was in town - she'd told herself it was because he was never home, but she knew she was trying to run away from the fact that Casey didn't make her feel half of what Maura did. She nodded.
"We'll do dinner," Jane said quickly. "Now, tell me more about this book."
---
Jack was lovely, Jane thought, watching her tell her stories about teaching. She liked baseball and hockey, and she was whip-smart but modest. She was stunning in a way that Jane could see was mostly confidence, but also good genetics and hard work; Jane wouldn't be able to take her down single-handedly in a fight. Jane could see herself being friends with Jack, if it wasn't for the way her hand lingered on top of Maura's on the table. She was gorgeous; Jane had been expecting that, but she hadn't expected the jealousy that followed. If Jane was prettier and smarter, would... no, that way laid madness, and Jane had no interest in being mad. She laughed again at Jack's self-deprecating anecdote.
She told Maura to lighten up, and Maura shared a story Jane didn't want known. The one where they went camping together and Jane had shot through the tent at what she'd thought was a bear but had been a racoon. Jack laughed, and Jane used the moment as a teachable one.
"I'd never let anything hurt her," Jane said seriously, staring Jack down. Jack's eyes lowered; Jane knew Maura had said something about the serial killer and murderers she'd dated. She had to know Jane had meant it as a threat if she turned out like any of them. But she looked up a moment later and took Maura's hand again with a smile.
"Me neither," Jack said decisively. Jane nodded and let Maura finish the story, which ended with Jane landing in poison ivy and Maura landing on top of her, breaking Jane's nose again. Jane raised a hand gingerly to her nose, still feeling the sharp sting.
"I reset it for her, of course," Maura finished, "but then she passed on the poison ivy and I wished I hadn't."
Jack laughed; if she'd been put off at all by Jane and Maura sharing a tent and being physically close enough to spread poison ivy between them it didn't show. Jane shrugged; Jack was probably used to dating women who had straight friends. And Jane was Maura's straight but very supportive friend. That was all. But her eyes landed on where Jack's thumb ran over Maura's knuckles, and her heart clenched painfully for a moment.
---
Jack was there, when Maura came for Jane at the worksite, bleeding internally. Jack drove her there and waiting anxiously as the two women were wheeled out, Maura's hand in Jane's. She saw the hand in Jane's hair, the kiss to Jane's forehead before she was wheeled away. But then Maura was next to Tasha, and she was smoothing down her hair, fussing over her wound, holding her hand too. She'd been shot, poor kid, and Jane had been badly beaten, and here Jack was watching helplessly. The only person she could help was Maura, and she had by driving her here. They'd kissed with the tape between them, quick and urgent, unaware of any stares cast their way. Maura came back after speaking to the crime techs.
"Technically it's not a murder, so I'm no longer required here. But I will have to let someone else do the autopsy." Jack saw it then, the black bag strapped down and being wheeled to the coroner's van. "I'd be unable to carry out my work unobjectively, knowing what he did to Jane and that poor girl. So I have a few things left to do at the office today to hand this case over, and then I'm all yours."
"Maura, Jane's going to the hospital. I'll take you and get a lift back to the precinct. Go." Jack looked around. "Look, Frankie will take me back to my car, follow her. I'll see you later. She needs you."
"You could come with me?" Maura asked, as though she knew how lonely Jack had felt when she'd seen Maura absorbed in Jane. Jack shook her head.
"I'll visit later. Text me her room, I'll bring her a bouquet."
Maura nodded and kissed Jack again, unaware of any of her colleagues watching, not caring if they did. She strode under the lifted tape and trailed after the ambulance, her eyes finally filling with tears.
---
Jack had met Angela and Frankie, but not Korsak or Hope or Cailin, who had all come to visit Jane. Maura had introduced Jack as her girlfriend, which they hadn't really discussed, but Hope had embraced her with such joy that she hadn't the heart to say anything. And just friends wasn't enough. Cailin had looked between Maura and Jack, and then Maura and Jane, and then back to Jack again with a little line of confusion on her forehead, but she shook Jack's hand and was pleasant enough. Jack hadn't thought she'd been ready to meet the family, but she'd met all the Rizzolis, and from what Maura said, they were her family, even if at least half of them had tried to kiss Maura. Jack liked Maura, but there was stuck in her mind a memory of the moment Maura had hovered over Jane's gurney, completely unaware that anyone else existed. Jack slid the tank of baseballs onto Jane's bedside table, knowing Jane would prefer it to flowers. Jane was still unconscious, but Jack took her hand and held it, sitting by her side. She'd heard the news, knew what a blow it was to Jane - and Maura, who had also been looking forward to being - what, an aunt? - with Jane.
"I'll take care of her until you can," Jack said softly, unaware that Maura had entered behind her. "I know you worry about her - I know you have good cause to worry about her - but she's safe with me. I don't have a gun, but I would fight to the death before I let anything happen to her." Jack squeezed Jane's hand. "Or you," she added. "Because being without you would hurt her just as much as being hurt herself. I don't quite - I don't quite get your relationship, but I respect it, and I respect you." Maura slipped away to the hall, knocking this time as she entered. Jack looked up with a smile when she saw Maura, a smile that lit her whole face, and Maura kissed her tenderly, pulling up her own chair and taking Jack's free hand, her other hand covering Jane's and Jack's on the bed.
---
Jane got the baseball bouquet. She understood it, and she liked it. She liked Jack, but part of her, part of her she'd never wanted to admit, was jealous of her.
"She's perfect for you," Jane said. "You guys are perfect together."
"I do enjoy her," Maura admitted. "But you - you need to lie back down and let the organs in your abdominal cavity rest before visiting hour. Last time you overdid it."
"I can't help it if Frankie makes me laugh," Jane defended herself, but she let Maura ease her down into a lying position.
"Will you stay with me when they release you? You won't be back to normal activities and I'd like to keep an eye on you."
"You mean let Ma keep an eye on me. Ugh." Jane looked up at Maura, looked as though she was going to say something but changed her mind. "Yeah, I'd like that. Thanks." Jane's eye caught the tank next to the bed again. "I won't be cramping your style with Jack?"
"You'll be on the ground floor. You'll be undisturbed."
Jane nodded. Whatever answer she'd expected, it hadn't been that one. The jealousy rose again and Maura's hand felt Jane's forehead.
"You've gone pale. Do you need a sickbag?" Jane nodded, and threw up ungracefully. No wonder Maura preferred Jack; she wasn't so uncouth. Didn't go around shooting herself. Sure, they were all friends now, but soon Maura and Jack would retreat into being a couple and Jane would be nothing more than an awkward third wheel. She threw up some more, aware of Maura murmuring soothingly to her. Aware of Maura's soft hand on her back, rubbing comforting circles.
---
"She can come out here, she knows that right?"
"Technically she can't until she finds her pants. I've looked everywhere."
"Nice. On a school night, no less."
Jane flinched when Jack came out in Maura's kimono; it covered everything but still gave the illusion of being indecent because of the implication that it was all she wore.
Jack smiled and walked over to Maura, planting a soft kiss on her temple, giving Maura a mumbled good morning before slipping her arms around Maura's shoulders.
Maura leaned back, and her eyes closed and Jane watched with a creeping sense of dread.
Maura not only looked happy, she looked content. She looked at peace and cherished and loved. Jane had never seen her like this, had never seen anyone make her feel like this.
But Maura was happy, so Jane should be happy for her, shouldn't she?
Jack leaned over Maura to grab her coffee. Maura always complained when Jane shared her mug, but Maura just smiled and leaned her head against Jack's chest. She tilted her head up and Jack paused right before kissing her.
"Your lipstick," Jack said reverently.
"I can redo it in the car. She hates when I drive." Maura tilted her head up again, and Jack kissed her softly, tenderly. Jane stifled a cough, trying to look away. The moment was so intimate that it felt indecent. It felt like watching something she shouldn't be watching, Maura's mouth tipping open, her hand sliding along the silk kimono to grasp Jack's waist as she turned.
For the first time in her life, she felt like an intruder in Maura's home. Maura pressed forward again, then pulled away.
"We have to go to work," Maura said reluctantly.
"So do I," Jack said softly, still very close. She kissed Maura again. "I'd be doing the walk of shame right now if I could find my pants."
Maura's hands slid over Jack's hips and waist, a calculating look on her face. Jane's heart clenched. Even on her best days with Casey, it hadn't been like this. She hadn't liked to linger with him, hadn't spent mornings in this kind of a sensual haze. It had been sex or conversation, not this intimate affection, not this close contact and obvious attraction. She swallowed and looked away. Either they were comfortable with her watching, or they had forgotten she was there; she didn't know which one would be preferable.
"Left side of the closet, third hanger from the right. Black Calvin Klein's, 34, 36. They should fit you, and they should suit you," Maura said finally.
"I'm lucky you're so smart and fashion-conscious and gorgeous," Jack chuckled, watching as Maura blushed and ducked her head. Jack brushed Maura's hair behind her ear and slid her fingers under Maura's chin to tilt her head back up to kiss her again. "Oh, lipstick," Jack said, sounding dismayed. Her fingers moved to Maura's lips, and they opened for her even as Jack wiped away the smeared lipstick from the edges.
Jane's heart was beating erratically. There was a sinking feeling in her stomach, as though she'd lost something. But she was aware of something else, of the sensation that she was missing out on something. She wasn't sure, right now, which one of them she wanted, or if it was both of them together. She could feel her response tangibly as she shifted uncomfortably. Maura looked up and Jane cleared her throat, dancing her keys from her finger.
"Right. Death. Crime scene. Bye," Maura said flustered, then tightened her grip on Jack's waist. "Bye," she said again, softly, reluctantly and full of regret that they had to part, kissing Jack once more, her lips soft and relaxed, her forehead resting against Jack's for a long moment before she found herself able to pull away.
Jane opened the door and wondered how long it would take the pulsing ache to fade away. Wondered if she could ever look Maura in the face again.
---
Jack had called numerous times through the night, and Maura had stared at her phone and slid it away each time, unable to tell Jack that Jane was lost at sea and had taken her heart with her. She couldn't face her, not knowing. Frankie and Korsak were there, and they weren't trying to comfort her, not really. They were trying to comfort themselves, and she was a convenient audience. Maura shook her head again, looking out over the docks, at the boats going out and coming in, hoping against hope that her heart would come home. If Jack was here, she'd be focused on Maura, and if she was focused on Maura she might see. She might find out. She might know.
Maura loved Jack, but she loved Jane too, and she'd loved Jane stronger, for longer. It wasn't the same kind of love, but if someone pointed a gun at the three of them, Jack, Maura and Jane, Maura would step in front of Jane. It was even worse knowing Jane could handle herself; Jack deserved someone who could put her first. But as much as they talked and laughed together, Maura still felt like part of her was waiting to get home to Jane. The way she had for years. She was aware, dimly, that their friendship had become encompassing, that it had become dependent. But that was natural. Jane had killed for Maura; Jane had shot men who wanted to hurt her. Maura owed her that much in return. And while she felt safe and loved with Jack, she felt home with Jane. But there were things Jack did that Jane didn't do, things that Maura enjoyed, and part of her felt like her heart was split in two all the time.
A boat came in, and Maura stepped onto the ramp, following Frankie, who held his damp and exhausted sister with joy. Jane's eyes looked for her, and only relaxed when she saw Maura. Maura remembered then, that Jane had jumped. That Jane had made Maura watch her jump. She was pulled into Jane, because she couldn't stand not to hold her, even with the anger and sorrow inside her.
"I've never been so happy to see you in all my life," Jane said, pathetically grateful, and Maura pulled away, walked away. She'd waited all night, and now she wasn't sure why.
"Hi babe," Maura said, calling from her mounted phone in her Prius. "Jane jumped off the narrows after a suspect. They just reeled her in now."
"Alive?" Jack asked, sounding horrified at how casual Maura's voice was.
"Yes, she was picked up by a fishing boat a while ago. I'm just leaving the docks now. I'm sorry I didn't call you back, but I-I was there when she went over. I didn't think... I didn't know..."
"Come to my house," Jack said quickly. "You've been up all night, haven't you? Take the day off and come over."
Maura thought about it. It had been a long, hard night, and if she went home Angela would be there, and Jane would be there and she didn't, she couldn't, not right now. "I'll come," she told Jack. "I'll be passed out on your couch in half an hour, but I'll come."
"I'll carry you to bed," Jack said, and half an hour later she did exactly that.
---
Maura woke, disoriented. There was a warm weight tucked into the small of her back, which, upon investigation turned out to be a heatpack. Jack was sitting up in bed, dressed in day clothes without shoes, and she was holding an ereader with one hand, using the other to stroke Maura's back. She looked over when Maura woke.
"Hey sleepyhead," Jack said kindly. "Feeling better?" Maura nodded but made no move to get up; she was still in her clothes but her belt, shoes, earrings, watch and necklace were gone. She never slept in her clothes, but she felt Jack had left them on out of respect. She reached out for Jack's knee, gripped it.
"Did I say I was sorry I didn't call you back yet?" Maura asked, yawning.
"I understand," Jack said softly. "You were worried enough for both of us. You didn't need me getting in the way of a search and rescue. I'm a sailor, I know the tides, I know the currents, but you were at the docks, and all I would have been able to think about was you, worrying about her, and me, worrying about her. I know the water. You'd have been able to tell that I wouldn't have... you know I'd never bet against Jane, but I never bet against the sea, either."
"I love you," Maura said quietly. "The way you understand. No one ever does."
"It's a complicated relationship," Jack admitted. "And there are times I've been jealous, but she... she is where she is in your life because that's where you both need her to be. If she wanted more, she'd have more. If you wanted more, you'd have more. So I get it. You've been through a lot together - even more now."
"I'll never forgive her for jumping," Maura said, feeling angry but sounding numb.
"You will. You know she's all impulse. You know she's always got to be the hero."
"Doesn't mean I have to like it," Maura grumbled. Jack sighed and put down her ereader, lying down next to Maura and pulling her close.
"No, you don't have to like it, but you do love her. You'll get over it." And with that Maura started to sob, all the anxiety and panic from the night before eking out of her and into Jack's shirt as Jack held her, softly rubbing Maura's back. "And I love you too," Jack said, her voice cracking as she kissed Maura's hair, Maura's face tucked away into Jack's chest.
---
Jane apologised with a perfume Maura liked, and they got through it, they got over it. When they threw the N.E.M.O. party in the morgue, Maura was thrilled. Jane and Jack had an easy way with each other now, full of respect and affection. And they all liked her enough to throw a surprise party - another event disturbed by a dead body.
And then ruined by Jack's ex-wife getting an amazing job in New Mexico. Maura could no more keep Jack from Allie than she could hold back the tide, so she went with the flow and let her go. It hurt like hell, but if Jack had come to her, someone else would. Someone else safe and nice and kind and gentle. Looking back, Maura felt foolish for dating men for so long - barely interested in her pleasure, barely interested in her mind. Jack had loved all of her, every part of her, and Maura had loved her for that. But part of her - a very small part - was relieved. She'd never been in love like this; had never known she could be in love like this, and it had been too much, too soon. Maura had been ready to step into Jack's life, but being part of people's lives was still new to her, and she didn't know how it would end. And for Jack to even be willing to turn down everything she'd been offered because of Maura was so touching, but it wasn't right. And she hadn't asked Maura to come with her. It stung that she hadn't been asked. She'd lived all over the world, and Jack hadn't even thought to ask. Because she knew Maura too well, knew that she'd never leave Jane, knew that Jane needed Maura as much as Maura needed Jane.
And Jack needed Allie and Pat, and they needed her. More than Maura did, anyway. Maura had seen the way Pat looked at her ex-wife, and she thought, maybe, the further they were from Maura the better. Because Pat looked at Jack the way that Jane looked at Maura.
They had a farewell dinner at Maura's. Angela excused herself early, making gestures to Jane to leave too, but she stayed.
"You smell nice," Jack said, and Jane wanted to say it was the perfume she had bought for Maura but that would make her look petty.
"Jane bought it for me," Maura admitted. Jack nodded, settling next to Maura on the couch, looking over at Jane on the other side of Maura. She slid her arm over Maura's shoulders, and Jane watched with interest, unaware that Jack was watching her even more intently. Jack leaned in to kiss Maura, who objected weakly. Jane wondered if she should excuse herself, but Jack grasped her shoulder, then leaned over and kissed her too.
Maura watched in shock as Jane responded. Jane was kissing her girlfri-wait, they had broken up. They were all single. No one was being cheated on. And Jane was... Jane was responsive. Jane was into it. Jane was making little strangled noises even as Jack broke away long enough to straddle Maura on the couch before kissing Jane again, tugging at Maura's shirt, tugging at Jane's shirt, neither of them objecting, both of them helping Jack disrobe them. Jack pulled away from Jane, who looked dazed and shirtless. Jack leaned back and peeled her own shirt off.
"I love you," Jack told Maura. "And you love her, and she loves you, so by the transitive property..." Maura swallowed against a suddenly dry throat and nodded. Jane looked terrified, but she hadn't gone anywhere. "Bedroom?" Jack suggested, breaking the spell, giving both of them an out if they didn't want this. Maura nodded, then looked over at Jane. Part of her wanted to say goodbye to Jack alone, but part of her, a large part of her, wanted to see Jack and Jane together, to be with them both one time. To have Jane, just once, in the way she'd always been too cowardly to admit. Jane bit her lip and looked them both over, biting her lip as she met Maura's eyes. Jane's eyes were nearly black, so wide were her pupils. Like she'd been drugged; Maura briefly suspected Jack of drugging them both but she knew Jack hadn't. That Jack wouldn't. Jack didn't need to.
---
They followed Jack up the stairs willingly, hands grasping each other. Jack was leaving, so Maura felt she should focus on her, but Jane was... Jane was everything. When the door closed behind them, Jack slid down her pants.
"I've never done this before," she said seriously, and Maura laughed. Jack had so much confidence.
"Neither have I," Maura reassured her.
"And I'd never even kissed a girl before... five minutes ago," Jane admitted. "But if anyone told me I could never do it again, I'd shoot both their knees. C'mon." Jane stalked over to the bed, her tall lithe form graceful as she perched on the edge of it. Jack joined her, and Maura let her. She didn't feel left out; Jane had been left out all this time, and it had felt wrong. Now it felt right to have Jack, Jack the expert lover, the wonderful lover, guide Jane through the hard parts. Maura joined them when Jack tipped Jane back on the bed and climbed over her, always leaving her room to move or get away if she needed space, but Jane reached up and pulled Jack down against her, and Maura rubbed her hand up Jack's back, divesting her of her bra. She slid her hand down, knowing Jane would be too distracted by the busy hands of Jack working her into a frenzy, and she reached between Jane and Jack to offer Jack some relief, knowing how she liked to be touched. Jane froze a few moments later, Maura's knuckles barely grazing her but feeling her release at the slightest touch. Jack held Jane as she rode it out, Maura's hand still working against her, between the two of them. When Jane fell back against the bed, limp and loose, Jack pulled Maura to Jane's side, sliding off to Jane's other side.
"That was beautiful," Jack whispered. "You were beautiful. You are beautiful." Jane kissed Jack again, but after a few minutes Jack turned her face so Jane was kissing Maura instead. They both froze at the contact, and then a moment later met in a movement of long-restrained desire, bodies fitting together without the space for an atom between them. Maura's hands reached behind Jane, pulling Jack firm against Jane's back, pulling away to kiss Jack as well, swapping between the two women until Jane noticed that Maura's bra had also come off somehow, and shifted her focus.
She took to it like a natural, Maura thought, and that was her last coherent thought for a very long time.
---
In the morning Jack was gone, Maura and Jane curled around each other naked and too exhausted to notice her carefully leave. She wrote a quick thank you note, knowing it would make Jane laugh and Maura feel loved. If she'd stayed, she would have been the third wheel eventually, now that they had this last missing piece with each other. But she loved them both fiercely, and to leave this way was better than she'd hoped. Maura wouldn't weep, Jane wouldn't be left out in the cold, and Pat had made hints about wanting Jack back. Everyone was happy, but it still hurt to leave the tangle of limbs in the bed.
---
When Maura woke, Jack was gone, and Jane was looking down at her with dark eyes. Maura looked them over; her Irish white skin against Jane's Mediterranean hues was a perfect contrast. She wondered how she'd never seen it before.
"That was some send-off," Jane said, looking nervous. Maura didn't want Jane to be nervous, so she kissed her.
And kissed her again.
And kissed her every day for the rest of her life.