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Your Scars Are Like Fire To Me

Summary:

Buck is standing on the far side of the kitchen, prepping the coffee machine, shirtless. His back is turned to the door and Eddie- well, Eddie can’t stop his eyes dragging over that toned back and muscles. (Look, Eddie’s tried to keep his lustful stares at his friends to an absolute minimum, but sometimes he just can’t stop himself. Especially when the man in question stands half naked in his kitchen.)

Buck chooses that moment to turn around, so Eddie goes to say something, to pretend like he wasn’t just ogling his best friend, but the words die in his throat. His eyes have strayed slightly, but any desire he was feeling disappears in an instant.

~

Eddie sees Buck’s scar after he’s recovered from the lightning strike.

Notes:

Hello again 😊 hope everyone is doing well.

This fic is pure self-indulgence lol, and I am fully blaming Oliver for posting that bts of the lichtenberg scar (I’m honestly surprised I haven’t seen more lichtenberg scar fics, or does that say something about me? 😂)

Anyways, enjoy!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

When Buck gets struck by lightning, Eddie thinks he’s never going to see his best friend again. He screams out Buck’s name and races up the ladder to pull him up. He feels his tears when he pushes Bobby out of the way to get to Buck, begging his friend to just hold on.

When they reach the hospital, he takes over performing CPR from Chim, needing to be the one to revive his best friend; he can feel his anger take over and he wants to scream at Buck 'no, you will not die on me like this'.

He’s successful at resuscitating Buck, but he still doesn’t wake up. The doctors try to be optimistic, but Eddie knows what they’re not saying. 

They don't know if he will wake up.

It takes 10 days for Buck to prove the doctors wrong and show how much of a fighter he actually is. Eddie manages not to sob out loud when those beautiful blue eyes slowly blink open and look at him, but he can still feel himself crying when the first thing Buck says is his name. 

Nobody argues when Eddie practically demands Buck stays with him after getting out of hospital (perhaps the deadly expression on Eddie’s face when the subject comes up plays a part). Buck, for his part, doesn’t seem to notice Eddie’s behaviour that borders on possessiveness, simply happy to be able to spend more time with Christopher. 

The issue Buck has is, when they return to Eddie’s house, that they’ll have to share a bed. He doesn’t seem repulsed or disgusted by the idea (because if he was Eddie would probably have ripped his own heart out), just more… nervous. They end up having a long debate about it, because Eddie will not let his injured best friend sleep on his couch, but Buck doesn’t want to evict Eddie from his own bed. Eventually, they arrive back at the original idea, which causes Eddie to fondly roll his eyes while he promptly ignores the blush spreading across Buck’s face.

Thing is, that arrangement was only meant to last a week at most, but one night Eddie has a nightmare about the lightning storm and Buck is there to comfort him and tell him everything’s okay now, and Eddie realises he won’t ever be able to sleep on his own again.

Buck doesn't question it, even seeming to relish in the late night talks and the way they cuddle close to each other for comfort and warmth just before they fall asleep. This usually results in one of them being sprawled out on top of the other when they wake (or in most cases, Buck clinging to Eddie like a big, sexy koala), but neither of them mind in the slightest.

What Eddie isn’t used to is waking up on a morning like any other and the bed being empty next to him. He shivers, mourning the loss of Buck’s warmth, but is soon out of bed and trudging towards the kitchen. When he reaches the doorway, he freezes.

Buck is standing on the far side of the kitchen, prepping the coffee machine, shirtless. His back is turned to the door and Eddie- well, Eddie can’t stop his eyes dragging over that toned back and muscles. (Look, Eddie’s tried to keep his lustful stares at his friends to an absolute minimum, but sometimes he just can’t stop himself. Especially when the man in question stands half naked in his kitchen.)

Buck chooses that moment to turn around, so Eddie goes to say something, to pretend like he wasn’t just ogling his best friend, but the words die in his throat. His eyes have strayed slightly, but any desire he was feeling disappears in an instant.

‘Eddie, what-’ Buck begins, but pauses as he follows Eddie’s gaze. When he catches on, he looks back up, this time muttering a much softer, ‘Eddie.’

He’s not quite sure how it’s been over 2 weeks since Buck had emerged from the hospital and Eddie hasn’t once seen the scar. He knew it existed - Buck told him he spent half an hour examining it in the bathroom mirror one day (it took a while for that image to leave Eddie’s thoughts) - but in all honesty, he didn’t really want to see the aftermath of the lightning strike. Maybe if he didn’t, he could pretend nothing had happened and that his best friend was fine; that he was fine.

Slowly, he walks close to Buck, his eyes not moving from the dark lines that run across his otherwise perfect chest. He knows it’s probably faded a bit since the accident, but Eddie can’t get over how aggressive it looks. A harsh reminder that Buck was almost taken from him.

When he’s only a few inches away from Buck’s body, he stops. ‘I thought I’d lost you.’ One of his hands lifts, pausing centimetres away from the scar, knowing if he does this, the invisible line he swore he would never cross disappears. 

In the next second, his fingers graze over the scar tissue, and Buck gasps quietly. Eddie wants to look up, to see what expression the younger man is currently wearing, but he can’t tear his eyes away from the splintering lines beneath his fingers. ‘I thought the last memory I’d have of you would be-‘ the rest of the words don’t come out, replaced by a pained sound.

‘Eds.’ Buck’s voice sounds just as hoarse, but his grip is soft and gentle when he lays his hand over Eddie’s. They stay like that for a few minutes, Eddie just taking in Buck’s presence; even though his best friend is standing right in front of him, it takes Eddie’s brain a little while to realise that that means he is, in fact, okay.

‘They told me that you ran up the ladder to help me,’ Buck eventually says, his voice barely above a whisper; Eddie can still hear the conflicting emotions in those words and knows what’s coming next.

‘Buck-’

‘No, Eddie.’ The sheer pain in Buck’s voice makes Eddie finally look up, connecting their eyes again. Buck looks how Eddie feels - like he’s about to break, like one word or touch will send him tumbling over the edge. ‘What if the ladder had been struck again? Then we both might’ve died.’

Instead of answering the question, Eddie states, ‘you would’ve done the same for me.’

The way Buck sighs means he knows Eddie is right, but he quickly shakes his head; his gaze is bordering on pleading as he looks back at Eddie. ‘You have a son to think about, Eds.’

‘So do you!’

The words slip out before Eddie even realises what he’s saying. Buck’s eyes go wide, and he sucks in a breath, a blur of emotions suddenly appearing on his face. Part of Eddie panics, wondering whether he should take back the statement or apologise, but he quickly finds he doesn’t want to. 

He knows that Buck was touched by Eddie putting him as Christopher’s legal guardian if anything happened, but Eddie can see that the younger man still doesn’t realise he’s an integral part of their lives. Eddie hates the thought of Buck still feeling like he’s not a part of the Diaz family, even after being told the contrary.

‘When I put you as Christopher’s legal guardian, I never wanted you to think you are just a ‘spare’ or ‘in case of emergencies’. I chose you because you’re already a dad to him.’

A choked sound escapes Buck, and Eddie can see him trying to hold back his tears. He raises his other hand, grazing his fingers along Buck’s cheek, before cupping the back of his neck. 

‘You’re such an important part of this family, Buck. If we had lost you… I don’t think we would’ve recovered.’

Buck lets out a shaky breath, his eyes falling closed as his tears begin to fall. Eddie moves his hand back to Buck’s face, wiping them away but pausing when Buck leans into his touch. Eventually, he chokes out, ‘I’m sorry, Eddie.’

Eddie huffs out a quiet sigh, but is leaning forward before any words come out of his mouth. His lips gently connect with Buck’s, who doesn’t even hesitate before he returns the kiss. It only lasts a few moments, a reassurance that they’re both here and okay more than anything, but Eddie knows he won’t ever get the feeling of Buck’s lips out of his mind.

When they pull apart it’s only by a few inches, leaning their foreheads together.

‘How about,’ Eddie starts, gently squeezing the back of Buck’s neck, ‘that you don’t apologise for things that aren’t your fault. That okay with you?’

A small, if slightly sheepish, smile spreads across Buck’s face. ‘I think I can try.’

Notes:

Hope y’all enjoyed 😁

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