Work Text:
Tsukasa Tenma was seven when he felt his life be placed into a cycle of repetitiveness.
It was a repeating circle he couldn’t realize that was happening, nor does he remember when it started. To him, it was just his life, something that had always been.
He would start his day like every other day.
Continue where he left off in his fantasy book his parents got him for his birthday.
(even if he doesn’t care about slaying dragons and saving princesses much at all. He could never feel entranced by such stories, it was so different from his life that he didn’t think they were all that great.)
Practice the piano to play to Saki and then teach it to her.
(playing the piano felt required to him, his mother wasn’t forcing him to play, but what else does he have to feel connected to her? And besides, Saki likes when he plays her songs he practices for days. It was too much of an award to stop.)
Wait near the phone.
(His parents would call soon. Ask him how he's holding up if he had something to eat, and tell him that they have to stay another night or work overtime. Tsukasa already knew what they were gonna say, and all he would respond with is ‘okay’.)
And on rare days, Saki would come home.
If she came home, smiling and happy to finally be home after so long, he could wait an entire decade for that.
And he did just that.
On those rare nights, she wouldn’t be home for long. In only a few days of getting out of the hospital and back to the normal life she deserved, Saki would fall ill again. Too ill to be home.
Then, it repeated.
Reading the same story about a prince saving the princess, fighting off any evil that tries to get its filthy hands on her. (Tsukasa couldn’t do that. He couldn’t save Saki.)
Playing the piano for hours, and learning new songs. (it didn’t feel right playing such beautiful songs to an empty audience, in a lonely house. What's the point of playing if no one hears it?)
Waiting by the phone. (The calls became less frequent. Tsukasa didn’t know what was happening with Saki most of the time, no one would tell him if she was okay or if he was going to be alone for the rest of the night.)
And those rare days wouldn’t happen anymore.
(and almost in a blink of an eye—
—The repeating stopped. )
Everything was different, and just like that, Saki was allowed to come home. For good this time.
She was even allowed to start school again! She became friends with her childhood friends again, started a band, and started to do things she once dreamed of.
It was weird, not being in the house alone anymore. Tsukasa would forget he was home with someone often. It was bittersweet to see Saki live a happier life.
Then, he was alone again.
But this time, he was no longer that seven-year-old boy who only wanted to see his sister smile. He didn’t have a dream now, he already got what he wished for.
Tsukasa continued to put shows on for Saki, promising her that he would become a star so she can smile. That was the only reason he did everything he did.
It was his only ambition.
After audition and audition, he finally was accepted to perform at Phoenix Wonderland. He was happy all his efforts made Saki smile when he told her the news.
While practicing alone in his bedroom, Tsukasa thought of what it would be like performing on a stage with other people. At first, he started doing shows to make Saki and even Toya happy, but now he feels like he can’t stop.
Hes Tsukasa Tenma, future star. He has to follow that, there's no way he could take that back now.
But maybe… it would feel worth it when he's performing on stage, so many eyes on him as he shouts and sways his body. Would his life feel worth it if he managed to become a star?
(it was all dull to him —
— he didn’t think the stars were bright.)
Tsukasa felt something overtake him the first time he watched a show. It was an unusual feeling, but he couldn’t get enough. He wanted that feeling again.
He needed to feel that feeling again.
He kept telling himself that if he performed on stage, one day he would feel that same feeling again.
And yet, after every show, he felt nothing.
But he kept telling himself, I’ll feel something next time, this will all be worth it.
He didn’t think it was worth it, but what else does he have?
Tsukasa Tenma, a future world star, knew that he would never be a star on stage.
(the stage was too far away —
— and he didn’t care to go to it.)
“Onii-chan? Are you up?” Saki cracked her brother's door open and peeked inside, she cared about respecting his privacy but they were about to be late for school. Tsukasa would forgive her anyways! Just like he always does.
She opened it wider when she didn’t get an answer. “Tsukasa?” she heard a groan coming from his bed, “are you okay? Your not sick are you!?”
Her brother slowly sat up in his bed, “No no, Saki, I'm fine.” he grabbed his phone, “ah, I must have forgotten to plug my phone in… sorry. You go ahead without me.”
Saki nodded but didn’t move. Something felt off about her brother today. He didn’t feel like the brother she grew up with and grew to rely on. But he still looked the same, talked the same, and acted the same.
As he was getting out of bed, Saki made eye contact with him, and—
—oh. His eyes are dull, lifeless, and empty.
But unlike how his eyes looked his whole life, they looked like the real. Not the same eyes he had when he talked to her, or anybody else, and not the same eyes he had when he is performing.
Saki didn’t say anything and just left him alone to get ready.
So that's how the real Tsukasa looked, huh?
(the real lie —
— is suddenly the truth.)