Chapter Text
Her arms are elbow deep in coffee machine innards when he walks in the room. The fight for her afternoon pick-me-up was more than a little urgent, so if he gave any sign that anything was different, it flew right over her head.
As such, it's not until he's invading her comfort zone in about seven different ways that Rose thinks to look up.
"Hel...lo, John," she says, raising an eyebrow at the boy.
He looks down at her and gives a strange smile, as if only noticing her just then.
"Hi yourself, Miss Lalonde," he says lazily, resting his forearm on the wall. The three years separating the Strider-Lalondes from the Egbert-Harleys had given John a bit of an boost height-wise, with him standing at a sturdy six feet. Usually his height just underscored his unabashedly cheerful gawkiness, but today it gave him an air of...of something distinctly Un-John. And with her barely scrapping at five feet and an inch (on a good day), it almost feels like he's....well, like he's
looming.
And John Egbert most certainly does not loom.
Rose suddenly feels very small and vulnerable. She pulls her arms out of the coffee machine and folds them coolly (inwardly wincing when she feels a bit of grease soak into her top), waiting for him to say what he-
"You look stunning."
She is ashamed to say she blushes.
"I..." But his sudden brashness has left her utterly nonplussed.
What on Earth?
Before she can even hope at finding words, he leans down slightly, a completely alien smile on his lips.
"A dress, Miss Lalonde. I approve."
Her bashfulness melts into bemusement. "...I always wear this." She tugs the orange fabric of her sleeve. "And it's not a dress."
"W-well, yeah, I meant," and thankfully a little sliver of the John she knows shows through in his slightly nervous eyes. "It's a nice...a thing. A tunic type thing." He waves a hand vaguely at her body. "It looks good. On you." He pauses, and after a moment regains his cool air. "But then, everything looks good on you, Miss Lalonde.
She gives him a look, furrowing her brow. "John, are you feeling alright? You...you don't sound like yourself."
"Really? I feel mighty fine, Miss Lalonde. But hey," he leans in with what can only be described as a conspiratorial grin. "I
am
with you."
Rose unconsciously steps back. "John Egbert, just
what
has gotten into you? What, did you forget my first name somewhere along the line? Did the concept of personal space take a swan dive out of your fluffy little head? And...and are you
smirking
at me, Mr. Egbert?"
"I am, Miss Lalonde."
Cringing, Rose barely fought off the urge to facepalm. "Alright, I'll concede I deserved that one. But my question still stands: why are you acting like this?"
"Why do I need a reason to compliment a beautiful girl?"
After a long, long moment, she slackens her shoulders and snorts. "Charming, John. I didn't know brown-nosing counted as a prank."
He blinks. "What?"
"I'm impressed, your darling little Prankster's Gambit must be sky-high by now. Surely we have, dare I say, lifdoff." She smiles thinly and turns away from him. "For a moment I thought you might have been being sincere. You truly are the best there is."
"Wait, are you saying you think I'm pulling a prank on you?" He looks panicky.
"No, I'm saying I
know
you're pulling a prank on me. May I go?"
"N-no, wait!" Whatever had been giving him that cool attitude before has officially left the building. "No, dude, Rose! I'd never ever lie to you like that!!"
She raises a brow. "You lie to me all the time. Does 'I was wearing a funny disguise the whole time!' ring a bell?"
"Well yeah, but that's like, a small, tiny, totally un-meaningful thing!! A joke! I'd never be like 'hey you're fantastic and smart and amazing and gorgeous WHOOPS JK I got you good'!! That would just be really mean and just...terrible!"
Somehow he managed to get that all out on one breathe. Rose stares at him wearily. "And I'm to believe all that nonsense before was sincere? You sounded like a walking dime-store romance novel." His shoulders jerk at that, eyes darting a brief moment. "What is this
really
about John?"
It's about..." He scratches the back of his neck. "Okay, fine, I admit I was trying to act all smooth and cool before because I was nervous, because I wanted to...well, I wanted to tell you something."
"So the only way to soothe your nerves was to try and intimidate me?"
"No, no! I thought you'd think it was sexy and--"
"...and?" She raises an eyebrow at him, cautiously expectant.
"I..." His face has gone rather pink, and his eyes have the right and left pattern of a fourth-grader who just forgot his lines smack dab in the middle of the school play. "And I just...I wanted...to tell you..."
She steps forward, trying to catch his darting gaze. "Yes?"
"I..."
And it is as the very gates of Heaven open. All of the tension and embarrassment of the moment drop off John's shoulders like a heavy coat. His face is the face of a man that has looked into the center of the Universe, a man who has looked into the center of the Universe and winked at what lurked there. His smile is beatific, his eyes shining with the light of the enlightened. He looks at her and practically glowswith the confidence of what he needs to say. "What I wanted...what I needed to tell you..."
Somewhere she feels a hand lift her chin to guide her gaze to his. She tries not to swallow. "...yes?"
"Is that you.." He brushes a bit of hair from her cheek. "You..." He leans in...
"You have such a captivating, sexy ass, Rose Lalonde."
She cannot believe it. He cannot believe it. No one in what passed for a universe would have believed it, had they heard it themselves. But as it stands, the only ones who hear the words leave his mouth are he and she. And while he still grasps for dear life to a smile trying to pass for cool, his eyes go wide with the look of ‘I did not just say that.’
And she…
“Uh.”
“Pff….”
She…
“Rose…?”
“Pfff…..pffff…..”
If anyone had asked John if he thought Rose possible of releasing a snort as loud as she did, he would have said no, no, a hundred times no. The sounds she make seem far too big and unwieldy to have come from her throat, but here she is, Miss Spookypants Queen of the Books, red-faced and doubled over in laughter.
At his expense.
“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA—!”
“O…okay Rose—.”
“Ahh….ahh….”
“I admit that that was—.”
“AhhhhhahahahahaHAHAHAHA—!”
“That was—.”
“GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH—!”
“…”
It’s not until tears begin to pool in her eyes that’s she able to stop. John is long gone by then.