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It’s a hot day outside and the PVC roof of the bus stop shelter makes the top of Lexa’s scalp feel too warm. She’s so engrossed in Matilda’s adventures that she doesn’t hear him approach her.
‘You look super weird, nerd. No wonder you don’t have any friends.’ A slightly older boy throws at her.
It’s completely gratuitous, filled with the need to show off and stand above everyone else. He snatches Lexa’s book from her hands and inspects the cover with a mocking grin before dropping it on the ground.
‘I have friends.’ Lexa protests, mustering her courage to speak up.
‘Yeah? Imaginary friends, then. I don’t see anyone with you here.’
‘My friend, Gina, takes bus 4. She lives on the other side of town.’
‘Gina is a pretty girl. What would she be doing hanging out with a nerd like you? Those clothes look like they came from your dad’s closet!’
He gestures towards her oversized t-shirt, one she’d borrowed from Anya and that was a little too big, and to her sneakers, beat-up from climbing trees in the backyard. It’s not that she didn’t have any other clothes - she just chose to wear what she felt most comfortable in.
‘Leave me alone, I don’t want to talk to you.’ Lexa mutters, standing up from her spot and walking away from the blonde boy.
‘Poor little Lexa Woods, dressed like a tramp. You’ll never have a boyfriend, you weirdo freak!’
‘Excuse me, did you just call my sister a freak?’
Anya shows up with her hands on her hips, and with all the confidence her eleven years on this earth have given her, she delivers a swift punch to the boy’s face. He cries out at the surprise hit, attracting attention from the other kids around them.
‘Anya!’ Lexa yells in shock. ‘He’s bleeding!’
‘Serves him right.’ The older girl shrugs before wrapping an arm around Lexa’s shoulder. ‘Come on, Lex. Let’s walk home.’
Anya picks up Lexa’s book from the ground and hands it back to her. She waves her friends goodbye and the boy watches them go with a death glare, his hands cupped around his bleeding nose.
‘You shouldn’t have done that.’ Lexa says, defeated as they begin the forty-minute walk back to their house. ‘I could have just ignored him. Now he’s going to be even more of a jerk.’
‘I don’t think so.’ Anya smirks. ‘I think he won’t come near you ever again because just the thought of me beating his ass one more time makes him pee his little boy pants.’
***
‘An’, I need your help.’
Anya’s eyes are focused on the road ahead. She barely spares a glance at Lexa through her aviator shades before gritting her teeth.
‘Did someone make fun of you at school? Do I need to head butt a fourteen year-old? Because I will.’
‘No, it’s not that. It’s… well, it’s embarrassing.’
‘Tell me.’ Anya prompts, softening a little.
Lexa feels her cheeks burn. She’s thought about having that conversation for a while, and she’d figured that asking Anya would be less terrible than asking Gus or Indra. But still, it’s not exactly an easy topic.
‘Well, lately I started having… you know, erections, down there, and they don’t happen very often but they are really random and I can’t control them.’ The young brunette blurts out. ‘And then I start panicking because people around might notice something is off. Panties don’t really do much to hide or contain anything when it, um, grows... And it’s also kind of awkward having to hide when we are changing into our gym clothes at school.’
Lexa’s entire face feels like it’s on fire, but she still gives herself a pat on the back for having said everything she needed to say without self-combusting on the spot.
‘Kiddo, you know it’s a totally normal thing at your age, right? I mean, for someone with a penis. This is nothing to worry about.’ Anya replies flatly.
‘Yeah, I know. I wasn’t asking for biology lessons; I was just wondering if, maybe, you could drive me to the mall? I did some research on Google and there’s this special kind of underwear that guys can wear to work out that sort of… tightens everything up so it doesn’t show under clothes.’
‘You want to buy that?’
‘I do. That would make my life a lot easier at school actually. Please?’
‘Of course, squid. Geez, you’re growing fast!’
With no further prodding, Anya swerves to take the nearest exit leading to the shopping centers. The next few minutes of the car ride are silent, and Lexa’s shoulders are tense.
‘Hey, it’s okay.’ Anya says as they pull up in a parking spot by the mall a few minutes later.
‘Please don’t mention it to mom and dad.’
‘I won’t say anything. But I’m pretty sure they would understand if you explained it to them like you did to me. There’s no shame in that.’
‘I know, but it’s awkward, and I don’t want to give them the opportunity to lecture me about the birds and the bees.’ Lexa huffs.
‘Gotcha. It will be our secret.’
Anya smirks and readjusts her shades over the bridge of her nose. Lexa follows her when they step out of the car, swinging her school bag over her shoulder. It’s not much but when they get home after their impromptu shopping session, Lexa feels a little bit lighter, a little more confident in the fact that she can do this – that she can still pretend to be a normal girl despite her changing body.
***
Anya all but drops the box on the floor, huffing and puffing after carrying it up four flights of stairs.
‘What the fuck did you put in there, Lexa?! Bricks??’
‘Those are books. You should try them sometime, they have pages and all.’ Lexa rolls her eyes, sticking out her tongue.
‘You little shit.’ Anya grumbles without heat.
‘Thanks for helping me move, you didn’t have to.’
‘Are you kidding? You’re off to college, that’s a big step. I gotta make sure all your future classmates know your sister is hotter than you.’
‘Lexa, honey, where do we put the microwave?’ Gus asks before the brunette can retort something smart.
‘Let’s just leave it here for now. I’ll find a spot for it once I’ve put away the rest. Thanks, dad.’
Today is the day she’s moving away. Tucson is an exciting city and is certainly going to be very different from her family’s small town in rural Arizona. She’s looking forward to this new life, to building something for herself and to broadening her horizons in a more diverse environment. Maybe she has her place here; maybe she’ll find people who are different too.
But she’ll miss her family, she’ll miss her high school friends, and she’ll miss Anya. Life will seem dull without her older sister’s sarcastic, dry-humored façade and their constant bickering. And even though she is happy to start college, she wonders how she will make it through the next four years of her life when the person who knows her the most is going to be studying almost ten hours away.
‘Hey, you’ll come visit me.’ Anya says when Lexa sits on her unmade bed and sighs, the old springs squeaking under her weight. ‘And I’ll come visit you.’
‘You better.’
‘Have you met your roommate yet?’
‘No, she’ll be here tonight, I guess. I really hope she’s cool.’
‘Let’s pray that she’s not the kind of asshole who sleeps through her five consecutive alarms in the morning.’
Lexa huffs out a laugh and it comes out a little choked, a little forced, past the lump in her throat. Save for a few sleepovers when she was a kid, the only people she’s ever slept in the same room with are her parents and Anya. And Costia, for a little bit, but they both know how that ended up – Lexa had been too scared to move things forward with her and the pair had split up because of it. And now she’s going to be sleeping a mere few feet away from a complete stranger in a 12 by 12 room with little to no privacy. That in itself would be unnerving to just about anyone, but Lexa has to factor in her specific situation and the prospect is slowly becoming outright frightening.
‘You’ll be okay, squid. I’m sure you’ll meet some nice people here. College is great, not to mention the probability of you meeting a hot lesbian among all those horny kids is basically through the roof!’ Anya whisper-shouts.
Lexa blushes, her eyes darting to Gus and Indra now trying to put together a small IKEA shelf in a corner of the room.
‘That’s not-‘ She begins, but then Anya wiggles her brows with a suggestive smile and there’s no arguing with that.
Anya, Gus and Indra help her put away the heaviest boxes before taking their leave. Lexa hugs them all, with promises to call them to let them know how her first days as a freshman went. When the door closes behind them, Lexa toes off her boots and lets herself fall onto the narrow bed with a sigh. She’s not sure how to feel about all this anymore, conflicted between excitement and anxiety.
It isn’t until she goes to bed later that night that she finds the box of condoms Anya put in her nightstand, with a sticky note and a smiley face.
***
'Stop fidgeting, Lexa.’ Gus says gruffly.
It’s a long-standing tradition for him to braid Lexa’s hair, and her wedding day is no exception to the rule. He expertly threads his thick, calloused fingers through brown curls, weaving the strands together into neat tresses. Growing up, Lexa had a special kind of relationship to Gus. She loved Indra dearly, of course, but there had always been more of a connection with her dad – they shared similar hobbies and humor, and he always seemed to know whether she needed a joke or a hug. Indra was more awkward when it came to feelings, but she made up for it with her cooking.
Lexa forces her knee to stop bouncing and instead checks the time on her phone. Anya was supposed to be there already; Her hair was almost done, and then it was Anya’s turn to do her makeup – she had insisted, even though Lexa had been ready to turn to a professional.
‘She’s on her way, honey. Don’t worry.’
‘I know, I’m just anxious.’
‘Well, don’t be.’
‘Thanks, dad. I feel so much more relaxed now.’ Lexa rolls her eyes, but the corner of her mouth tilts into a smile.
In the mirror, she sees Gus grin at her. He stands up from his chair and sets his big hands on her shoulders, careful not to crease her freshly pressed white button-down.
‘Breathe, kid. You’re doing great. I’m going to go see how Indra’s doing with the finishing touches on decoration.’
Lexa hums absent-mindedly and watches him exit the bedroom. She thinks about Clarke and tries to picture her in her dress – she hasn’t seen it before and Lexa hasn’t shown Clarke her outfit either. They both wanted to surprise each other and though it was a mutual decision, Lexa honestly cannot wait. She can imagine a stressed-out Abby hovering over her daughter and trying to do everything all at once.
‘Well, look at that.’ Anya whistles, barging in. ‘Sorry I got caught in traffic on the way. Did you invite the whole state to your wedding?’
Lexa whips around, her chair squeaking in protest as she turns to face her older sister. Anya is wearing her usual leather jacket, with her sunglasses perched on top of her head and a smirk playing on her lips.
‘An’! I was getting worried!’
‘No need, I’m here now.’
The older woman strides across the room towards Lexa and envelops her in a tight hug.
‘I can’t believe you’re getting married today. It seems like it was yesterday when you’d get flustered at the mere sight of a girl!’ Anya chuckles against Lexa’s shoulder.
‘Yeah, I can’t believe it either.’
Anya takes a step back to inspect her outfit more closely. They’d gone shopping together, all those months ago, and now Lexa is wearing brand new light green dress pants with a white shirt tucked inside it, and a pair of high-heeled black shoes. Her hair is as Gus styled it – mostly down, with a few tresses meeting at the back to keep it away from her face, her natural curls spilling onto her shoulders and down her back.
You look beautiful, Lexa.’ Anya says quietly as she takes her in.
‘Thanks.’
A genuine compliment not disguised in sarcasm or teasing is basically gold dust coming from Anya, and Lexa knows she means it. Anya smiles and Lexa ducks her head at the praise, feeling a blush rise to her cheeks.
‘Clarke will swoon, I’m sure. Those pants make your ass look heavenly.’
‘Amen, I guess.’
‘I’m serious!’ Anya protests, chuckling wetly. ‘Lexa, you are gorgeous, and Clarke is a lucky girl.’
‘Thank you Anya. You being here, now, it means a lot. It means everything, really.’
‘I wouldn’t miss this for the world, squid.’
Lexa tumbles forward and collapses into her, hugging her tightly, and Anya responds in kind. They cry on each other’s shoulder and if Anya squeezes a little too much, ruffling Lexa’s tresses and crumpling her shirt in the process, they don’t mention it.