Work Text:
TT: Hey. This is Kanaya, right?
GA: Yes
GA: And You Are Dirk On Account Of Your Handle
GA: Assuming All Human Relatives Share The Same Trend Of Copying Each Others Letter Sandwiches
TT: Letter Sandwiches?
GA: Sorry I Mean Initials
GA: Two Letters Sandwiched Together
TT: Oh, right. It’s been a while since I’ve brushed up again on my Alternian vocabulary.
GA: Its Not A Troll Term Its Just What I Like To Call It
TT: Oh. Okay.
Jesus this is awkward.
ROXY: dirk i dont see a lot of typing over there!!!
DIRK: I’m just trying to think about the best wording to use.
ROXY: dude it is not this hard to ask ur ectodaughters gf to hang out i do it all the time
ROXY: she wont bite ur head off lol
DIRK: I think she’d at least have some appreciation for the dramatics of it.
DIRK: Although I guess it doesn’t quite fit her vampire aesthetic? Aside from the biting that is.
ROXY: hey! no procrastinating!
DIRK: Alright! Alright, just let me concentrate. I need to proofread what I’ve got.
ROXY: oh my goood you are overthinkin this sooooo hard rn
ROXY: how many times have u reread what youve got typed out
DIRK: ...seven
ROXY: WHY DO YOU NEED TO REREAD IT SEVEN TIMES
ROXY: seriously i can hear the fans in your computer-y brain turnin on from all across the room thats how hard youre overthinking this
DIRK: It’s not that simple. She’s one of the people in our group that I’ve talked to the least. If I’m not careful she could think I’m just doing this out of familial obligation.
ROXY: orrr she could just read ur message and then be like “cool time to hang out with dirk” like a normal person
DIRK: But I can’t be sure about that.
ROXY: yeah okay
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] --
TG: hey, hal? can u do me a favor and send whatever message dirk has typed out in the message bar and is refusing to send out of irrational fear
TT: Which one?
TG: the one to kanaya
TG: wait how many convos is he mentally restraining himself from participating in
TT: Too many for it to not be embarrassing. Don’t even get me started on Jade.
TT: And yeah. Sure thing.
TG: THANK YOU youre a real one
TT: Anyways, I know we haven’t spoken much since we beat the game. Do you want to hang out sometime? It’d be a shame to never actually get to know each other beyond being acquaintances who only say hello and goodbye to each other at all the group shindigs Jane puts together.
DIRK: What the-
DIRK: Roxy?!
ROXY: youre welcome bud
ROXY: welcome to “getting over yourself” city
ROXY: the state capital of FRIENDSHIP <3 <3
ROXY: population: you and kanaya
DIRK: How did you even do that? You’re not getting Hal to hack my account are you?
ROXY: population: you and kanaya and also hal
DIRK: Ugh.
ROXY: youre worrying about nothing shell def just respond normally with something like Cool Sounds Fun When Were You Thinking yknow
GA: Are You Asking Me Out
TT: WHAT?!
TT: No?!
GA: That Was A Joke Sorry
GA: I Thought It Would Be Obvious What With You Being Gay And Me Being A Lesbian And Also Dating Your Daughter
TT: Damn. Okay. That’s actually pretty funny.
TT: Haha.
GA: Ha Ha Ha
As it turns out, Roxy was right, and she invites you to her house later that week to spend some time with each other.
Four days later, you’re standing at the entrance to Kanaya’s house. It took a decent amount of legal string-pulling and EPIC HACKS on Roxy and Hal’s parts in order to buy a bunch of 16 year olds their own places to live. Somehow, they made it work.
You press the doorbell before you can lose your nerve. Kanaya opens the door a few moments later.
KANAYA: Hello Dirk
DIRK: Hey Kanaya. How’ve you been?
KANAYA: Busy But Good Thank You For Asking
KANAYA: How About You
DIRK: I’m good too. It’s nice that things are finally starting to settle down.
KANAYA: Right
KANAYA: You Can Come Inside If You Want Or We Can Keep Vaguely Lingering In The Doorway
DIRK: We can go inside, thanks.
DIRK: ...
KANAYA: ...
DIRK: Hey, do you have to get permission to go inside whenever you visit someone else’s house? Or do rainbow drinkers work differently?
KANAYA: I Dont Have To Do That
DIRK: Right, sorry, dumb question.
KANAYA: Its Fine
KANAYA: It Would Be Amusing If The Human Myth Did Apply To Rainbow Drinkers Considering The Spacial Nature Of My Aspect
DIRK: You’re a sylph, right? How does that work with your aspect?
KANAYA: Um
KANAYA: ...
KANAYA: Ways
DIRK: Okay.
KANAYA: ...
DIRK: ...
You don’t really know what to say. From the looks of it, she doesn’t either. You both just sort of sit there.
KANAYA: ......
DIRK: ......
KANAYA: Thats A Lot Of Finish Crumbs
DIRK: Yeah, th-
KANAYA: Wait
KANAYA: That Reminds Me I Left The Vacuum Running In The Other Room
KANAYA: Oops
DIRK: Is that what that noise is?
KANAYA: Yes
KANAYA: Give Me A Moment Ill Be Right Back
DIRK: Alright.
...
...
...
KANAYA: Sorry About That
DIRK: It’s fine.
KANAYA: ...
DIRK: ...
The awkward silence might just kill you. You don’t know if the death would be Heroic or Just.
-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] --
TT: Ahahahahahaha
TT: I am so glad I decided to tune in to this shitshow. This is excruciating.
TT: Get your own life. You have your own body now and a bright, shiny new planet to explore. You don’t have an excuse for living vicariously anymore.
TT: You know, the more time you spend pedantically bickering with me, the more time you’re ignoring Kanaya in favor of awkwardly sitting next to her in total silence. Nice socialization skills, genius!
-- timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] --
DIRK: I... like your dress?
KANAYA: Thank You
DIRK: It looks pretty fancy. Is there a special occasion?
KANAYA: No
DIRK: Oh. Okay.
KANAYA: ...
DIRK: ...
KANAYA: ......
DIRK: ......
KANAYA: So
KANAYA: You Like Swords
DIRK: Yeah.
KANAYA: I See
KANAYA: Thats...
KANAYA: Interesting
KANAYA: What Do You Like About Them
You could talk about swords for hours, but she doesn’t actually seem that interested. You decide to answer her question by not talking about swords for hours.
DIRK: They’re... sharp?
What kind of answer was that?!
God. This conversation is going nowhere. Quick, change the subject! Robotics? (No, you don’t think she wouldn be interested in that.) Horses? (What??) Swords? (No! She just asked about swords! Shit!) Well, okay, you like talking about swords- maybe ask her about her chainsaw??
DIRK: And... you prefer fighting with a chainsaw, right?
KANAYA: Yes
KANAYA: Although It Is Usually A Tube Of Lipstick
DIRK: That’s pretty cool.
DIRK: What... led you to pick it up?
KANAYA: Im A Lumberjack
KANAYA: Or
KANAYA: I Was
KANAYA: Back On Alternia I Lived In A Pretty Remote Area So I Ended Up Having Everything I Would Need Delivered
KANAYA: So I Took Advantage Of Anything I Could Obtain Locally
KANAYA: And There Were Trees So
DIRK: Huh. I guess I just assumed it was part of your general badassery.
KANAYA: That Too
KANAYA: It Is Pretty Badass
DIRK: What did you need wood for?
KANAYA: Nothing Much Actually
KANAYA: I Needed Some To Customize My Wardrobifier But Aside From That I Think I Mainly Enjoyed The Therapeutic Aspect
KANAYA: That Said I Did Cut One Down In The Forest Out Back Just This Morning
KANAYA: Roses Book Collection Has Been Growing Rapidly So Im Going To Build Her Another Bookshelf
DIRK: I didn’t know you were into carpentry.
KANAYA: Heh
KANAYA: It Is A Very Real And Hidden Character Trait Nobody Knows About Me
KANAYA: Mostly Because It Is A Newer Hobby That Im Not Quite Experienced With Yet
KANAYA: Sorry I Just Realized Ive Been Rambling
DIRK: It’s fine, go ahead. It’s interesting.
DIRK: Besides, I’ll gladly take it over the constant awkward silences we keep falling into.
KANAYA: Oh My God Yeah
KANAYA: I Didnt Want To Say Anything But
KANAYA: Yeah
DIRK: I don’t think I’m really used to talking with people face-to-face just yet. At least, not when we don’t know each other that well.
KANAYA: We Can Take A Break From The Talking And Do Something Else
KANAYA: If You Help Me Split Some Wood Ill Let You Take Some
KANAYA: You Dont Have To But It Might Be Nice
DIRK: Some firewood would actually be helpful, yeah. What with winter coming up soon and all.
KANAYA: Okay
KANAYA: I Have An Extra Axe You Can Borrow
KANAYA: Here Ill Show You
You spend about an hour or so splitting wood with Kanaya. She was right, it does feel therapeutic, like you can turn your thoughts off for a little while. It’s nice spending time with her too without having to talk. Knowing that you can work your way up to being more comfortable around each in the future other makes the whole ordeal feel a lot less intimidating.
You leave later that afternoon with a bundle of logs in your sylladex and plans to have lunch next week at your apartment with her, Rose, and Roxy. In the evening, you climb into bed and open up a Pesterchum window.
-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --
TT: Hey Jade, it’s Dirk. Jake told me about your engineering projects and they’re all pretty damn impressive. Would you be up for collaborating sometime?
GG: that would be so fun :D
GG: do you have anything in mind?
You stay up chatting with her about potential ideas. When Hal walks into the room over an hour later, he gives you a thumbs-up.
HAL: Took you long enough.
DIRK: Stop reading my messages.
HAL: Never.