Don't Let Go

by KohlStarling

Summary:

“The mystery of the The human existence lies not is staying alive, but finding something to live for.”

This is a story of a generation trying to find something to live for as war threatens to tear them apart.

The first of two fix-it style fics that explore the First and Second Wizarding Wars if our favorite band of Mauraders had the support they deserved.

Notes:

Well Hello There.

This is my retelling of the First Wizarding War, and the events that followed.

This fic is served with an entree of Jegulus marinated with Wolfstar, accompanied by two sides of Dorlene and Marlily, followed by Rosekiller for desert.

I hope I do them all justice, even if I'm focusing heavily on our boys.

This is my first Marauder's fic. It will be written in 3 parts; school years, the War, and the Aftermath. I do have a sequel planned that will basically be a complete canon rewrite of the Harry Potter books themselves...but different.

I'm excited to see if you guys like it. I'll be honest, there are elements to this fic that will be...dark. I'll be sure to leave trigger warnings before each chapter.

Our first chapter kicks off with some good old fashion Black parenting, so expect blood, torture, and compulsion.

Be warned.

With that, onward to waffles.

Chapter 1

Part I:

Chapter One

December 22^nd,  1975

Mama, come here,
Approach, appear,
And Daddy, I'm alone,
Cause this house don't feel like home.
- Unsteady, X Ambassadors. 

 

The first memory Regulus Black had of his childhood was of his older brother, Sirius, and the book he was reading from while he tucked Regulus into bed.

He had to have been four or five, barely old enough to understand his lot in life, and they were curled up on the chaise lounge in his room, his blanket wrapped around them like a shield. Sirius was sitting behind him, with Regulus’ back pressed to his chest, and his arms curled around him in a protective bubble while he read aloud. He voiced each character in a different accent or language, switching naturally between English and French, using the whole of his body to tell the story.

It hadn’t been the first time Sirius had read that story to him, and it wouldn’t be the last for several more years, but looking back on the memory, Regulus knew it was the last time he felt completely happy and safe. 

Years later, by the time he’d turned eleven, he had grown to understand his place in the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black, and the expectations that came with it. His first two years attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were spent in silence, surrounded by classmates and unable to reach them. He knew he was clever, he’d been told by the private tutors his parents enlisted when he and Sirius were younger, but he often suspected them of simply praising him because of his family name. He hadn’t believed them when they told him how quickly he brewed a potion or mastered a charm, and it hadn’t helped that they degraded his older brother when he faltered.

So, it wasn’t that he couldn’t preform in his classes, quite the opposite, and that seemed to intimidate the others in his year. Although, he supposed that was a good thing, since he had been sorted into Slytherin, and with his last name being what it was, he knew that his mother would be proud.

His brother, however, seemed to hate him once the sorting hat screamed out his house. Sirius had been so sure that he would end up in Gryffindor, with him and his friends, and when Regulus wasn’t, it was like Sirius forgot he existed. They hadn’t spoken unless forced to in nearly four years, and Regulus could feel the tell-tale ache begin to creep through his chest at the thought.

Two days into the Christmas holiday, hours before their annual Christmas party, Regulus found himself wandering through the shadowy halls of Grimmauld Place, both longing for and avoiding spending a moment alone with his brother.  

Their mother had invited countless family members to the manner to celebrate Christmas, using the event to network and strengthen political alliances among the pureblood families of the wizarding world. Regulus knew he would be expected to behave like the perfect son during the party, otherwise risk his mother’s wrath, and therefore simply wanted to find comfort in the hours beforehand.

Like a ghost, he passed through the halls, unaware of where his feet were taking him until he stood in front of a door with a large star carved into the dark wood.

Sirius, the brightest star in the night sky.

The irony was not lost on Regulus, who refused to admit aloud that he still viewed his brother in the same way, even when pushed.

He stood, silently, gazing at the star, almost hoping that it would open to reveal the gray eyes of his brother, so similar to his own, and that Sirius would envelope him into his arms like he used to when Regulus was younger. He silently wished that Sirius would see how much the distance between them hurt, and reassure him that he was still loved, still wanted. That he wasn’t the spare that had to prove he had a reason to be there, to exist. He wasn’t the heir, he wouldn’t grow up to control the family wealth and legacy. That wasn’t his responsibility, but he was still expected to be absolutely perfect, especially when his brother wasn’t.

Being the perfect child was exhausting. He felt drained and wanted nothing more than to curl up in his older brother’s bed and feel as if the world outside didn’t exist.

He just wanted the door to open.

It didn’t.

Regulus lifted his hand towards the door, his fingers reaching forward as if to trace the star, but he stopped just shy of the carving, embarrassed. What was he doing? Standing in front of his brother’s door like he hadn’t made it painfully obvious that he wanted nothing to do with him? Hadn’t the past four years been proof enough that Sirius no longer cared for him?

Regulus had made a promise to at least try and speak to his brother over the break, however, and it looked like he would have to try again another day to work up the courage to knock.

Shaking his head, the thick black curls that sat atop his head shifting to cover his eyes, he turned to leave, intent on going into his room to hide until he was forced to interact with people.

However, he stopped and turned to look over his shoulder at the sound of the lock on the door clicking. His eyes widened in surprise at the sight of his brother’s bedraggled appearance as he stood just inside the door.

At sixteen Sirius Black stood nearly a head above Regulus, but with a similar build. His broad shoulders tapered into a thin waist and sharp hips connected to his long legs. An athletic build, honed by his time spent playing quidditch. Regulus had been proud of his brother when he earned his position on the Gryffindor team as a beater and had silently admired his skill on the pitch. He never told anyone, but Sirius was the reason he’d tried out for the Slytherin team his second year, and when he’d been made seeker, the first thing he had wanted to do was tell his brother and hear how proud he was of him. When he’d found Sirius, the older boy had told him to bugger off without letting him speak a word.

Now, he stood, although leaning was a better way to describe the way he was standing, looking at Regulus with a narrowed gaze and blank expression.

“Did you get lost?” He asked, his tone harsh as he spoke.

Regulus straightened his spine and lifted his eyes to meet his brother’s, closing off his expression at the aggressive tone. He’d had years to perfect the cold and empty mask he wore more often than not, and he used it now. “I had contemplated warning you to try and behave tonight during the party, but since you seem so eager to be at the end of mother’s wand I think I’ll just be on my way.” He replied, his voice void of the hurt that hid just below the surface. He could feel the tiny part of him screaming out for his brother, begging him to behave so that he could avoid getting hurt.

Please, just do as you’re told, for once.

He turned to leave, hoping to make it to his room before the mask fell and he was left looking at the shattered pieces. He didn’t know what he’d been thinking, trying to talk to Sirius like nothing had changed between them-  

“Wait, Reg-.” Sirius’ voice stopped him, the softness pulling at his core, but he refused to turn. He was scared to breath too deep and risking breaking the bubble between the two of them. It had been years since they’d spoken to each other with any kind of gentleness, and he was weak enough to take whatever his brother would give him. “Just- I mean-“ He heard Sirius release a frustrated huff of air and he finally turned to look at him, surprised to see the flustered expression on his brother’s face. “I know that we aren’t…Look, um…I got you something.” As Sirius spoke, he opened the door wider and stepped back into his room, not waiting to see if Regulus would follow.

Regulus hovered just inside the door, tucking his hands into his pockets while he waited for Sirius to come back. His eyes traveled over the room he hadn’t had been given entry to in years, refusing to let his lips lift into a grin at the blatant house pride all over the walls, posters featuring flying quidditch players from different teams, and pictures filled with students from Sirius’ year and his dormmates.

Without his consent, Regulus’ feet pulled him towards a picture of four boys huddled around a pile of sweets, having clearly been taken during the previous summer. Regulus let his eyes move over each boy, struggling to keep the overwhelming emotions locked away. The picture had taken by a magical camera, giving the boys life as they pushed and teased one another over and over again.

On the far left was a young blonde boy with the face of cherub, his blue eyes bright and eager as he laughed repeatedly at the camera. Peter Pettigrew, Regulus had always thought he was the shiest of the boys and could hardly find a reason Sirius was friends with him.

The boy on the far right was easily recognizable by the scars that ran over his nose and cheek, Remus Lupin, the tallest of them and easily the most clever. If Regulus was a gambling man, he would have bet that Remus was the brains behind every prank his brother and his friends pulled off. He’d always wondered how Lupin had gotten his scars, but never had the courage to ask or look into it and watching as the boy continually looked away from the camera to smile down at his brother, tucked into his side, he was sure it wasn’t all that important.

Beside Remus was Sirius, completely at ease with the arms thrown over his shoulders as he smiled up at the camera before throwing an obscene gesture over and over.

Regulus’s eyes fell onto the dark-haired boy on his brother’s other side.

James Potter.

His glasses rested atop his nose and his wild black hair stuck out in all directions, as if he had been running his fingers through it constantly. His sun-kissed skin matched his golden-brown eyes as he seemed to stare right into Regulus’ soul, his lips curled up into a smile that promised mischief.

Letting his gaze linger on the boy with olive-colored skin and unruly hair, Regulus felt his heart give a slight shudder. Sometime during the previous term, he’d constantly found himself in James’ company. It had started off as a late-night study session by himself in the library, or so he’d thought. James had been a few tables down, and it had only been when Regulus went in search for a specific book that was located high on shelf that he’d been shocked by a voice behind him offering to help him get it down. He could remember making a snide comment about how he didn’t need help, but once it was apparent that he’d forgotten his wand, he begrudgingly let the older boy retrieve the book.

Study sessions slowly turned into late-night walks through the grounds, or by the Black Lake, and by the end of the term, Regulus considered James not only a friend but a source of comfort.

Not that he would admit it to the boy.

James had never judged him or compared him to Sirius, seeing them as two different people, and Regulus was unprepared for how quickly he’d come to rely on him. During their last conversation, a quick goodbye in an empty classroom hours before they had to leave the school, James had made him promise that he would try and talk to Sirius, hoping that they could begin to mend their broken relationship. Regulus had been reluctant, but eventually James pulled the agreement from between his lips, as if he could deny James anything.

James was all things good and happy.

Everything Regulus knew he wasn’t.   

 “Oh, here it is.” His brother’s voice snapped Regulus out of his thoughts, and he spun around to face the older boy, dropping the picture. Sirius rose to his feet and moved away from the chest he had been kneeling in front of and held out a small blue box topped with an emerald green bow. “If you hate it don’t tell me.” He sounded nervous, and Regulus tilted his head slightly before taking the box and cradling it for a moment.

It took a gentle tug to undo the bow, allowing him to open the top of the box, and saw that nestled inside was silver chain tucked beneath a silver pendent the size of a galleon with the words Cœur de lion engraved on the front.

Lionheart. The star for which he was named, Regulus, was the brightest in the Leo constellation. He’d never understood why he was named for that particular star, in that constellation. Lionheart meant courageous, and that was something he certainly wasn’t.

Gingerly, he reached for the pendent, the chain dangling as he lifted it out of the box. He ran his thumb over the engraving carefully and let out a soft sigh, his shoulders releasing the ever -present tension he felt within them. Looking up at his brother, Regulus nodded once before setting the box down and draping the necklace over his neck so that the pendant rested against his chest. He knew he would have to tuck it into his shirt before the party, but for the moment he let himself show it off.

“Sirius-“ He opened his mouth, hoping to finally voice the turbulent thoughts roaring through him, but slammed his mouth shut when he heard a loud crack just outside the door, in the hall.

“Master Regulus?” A croaky voice called from the hall as Kreacher, the Black family’s house elf, poked his wrinkly head into the room. The elf stood just to Regulus’ thigh, hunched forward in a near permanent bow, with large veiny ears that laid back against his head, and a deep scowl set on his face. The scowl deepened as his beady black eyes landed on the two of them. “Master Regulus is knowing how Mistress feels about his talking to his ill-behaved brother.” He whispered sternly, and although Regulus knew that Kreacher wouldn’t report the moment back to his mother, he wasn’t feeling brave enough to push his luck. He turned away from Sirius and tilted his head towards the grouchy elf. “Mistress is wanting you to join her in the parlor.”

Regulus nodded once and waited until the elf left to return to preparing for their guests before glancing back over his shoulder at Sirius. There was so much he wanted to say, but the slightly fearful look on his brother’s face kept him quiet, choosing instead to offer a reassuring smile before he left. 

Regulus made his way to their parlor without thinking, taking only a moment to tuck his new necklace into his button up shirt, and stepped into the room without a word.

The parlor, like the rest of the house was decorated in different shades of black, gray, and green, with the occasional accent of purple thrown in for good measure. Off to one side sat a circular table big enough to seat six, a dark silk cloth draped over the surface, with six matching chairs surrounding it. Perfectly placed on the table was a delicate china tea set, complete with cups, saucers, cream and sugar, and a tall silver teapot. Beside the tea set was a serving tray filled with an array of small fruits, cheese spreads, and bread.

Regulus let his eyes wander over the room, taking in the couches and bookshelves that his mother used to entertain guests, and while he knew that the furniture was the most expensive and likely passed down through the generations of Blacks, he’d always found the room to be empty. Even with the sparse Christmas decorations that had been scattered around the room.  

The only thing in the room that brought him any amount of comfort was the massive fireplace that sat across from the entrance. The mantle was made of black marble, with green accents, and an iron gate swung open to allow the floo to be used, the design on the gate was a B, as if anyone exiting the hearth wouldn’t know whose house they’d walked into. Resting atop the mantle sat the large green jar that Regulus knew held the ashy floo powder that was needed to travel the network.

Walburga Black, a tall thin woman with her black curls tied into a severe looking bun at the base of her neck, stood just in front of the open gate, her formal robes buttoned up to her neck. She stood with her back straight as she softly spoke to whomever had called through the floo, and for just a moment Regulus contemplated turning around and leaving.

He stayed.

And waited for her to acknowledge him.

That seemed to be all he ever did to be honest. Which was ironic, because the last thing he really wanted was her attention.

It felt like he stood there for hours, hands folded behind his back and feet shoulder width apart, like a solider awaiting his orders, before she finally turned around, having finished her conversation. Her eyes moved over him without really stopping. Without really seeing. It made his skin crawl, but he kept his mask firmly in place, his mind locked away where she wouldn’t find it, no matter how deep she dug into him.

He was her puppet, and nothing more, in that moment.

“Vous n’êtes pas habillé.” The statement sounded like the crack of a whip in the quiet of the parlor, but Regulus kept his gaze at a point just over her shoulder. He could always tell what mood his mother was in by the language she spoke, and if she was already speaking French, then the margin for error tonight was non-existent.

“J’étais sur le point de me préparer pour la nuit.” He responded automatically, knowing that she wouldn’t want to hear anything that could be defined as an excuse. He’d thought he would have a couple of hours before he needed to be dressed for the party but should have expected her to want him to be prepared for it anyway.

“Il y aura des gens importants du ministère présents. Je m’attends à ce que vous fassiez preuve de respect.” Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly as she spoke and Regulus heard the underlining threat before she spoke it. “Ne me decevez pas, Regulus. Vous n’aimeriez pas les consequences.”

“Oui, maman.” He knew better than to say anything else, and he waited until she lifted a hand in dismissal, sending him off to get ready. Regulus knew that she’d planned having prominent wizards and witches from the Ministry of Magic in attendance, and he knew why she’d felt the need to remind him of that fact. She was expecting to solidify alliances that would prove beneficial in the unrestful climate of their world.

Blood purists were gaining traction in the wizarding world, at least in the British Isles. They spent countless galleons on protesting laws that would allow for muggle born members of their communities better access to resources and education, as well as pushing through laws that benefited pure-blood families. Like the Blacks. It was literally on their family crest.

Toujours Pur.

Always pure.

The pureblood families made up the high society of the wizarding world, with their traditions, protocols, and bloodlines that could be traced back to Merlin and Morgana themselves. In Europe there were twenty-eight families that made up the pillars of that society, referred to as the Sacred Twenty-eight.

How original.

Regulus had spent countless hours studying each family tree, seeing how they were intricately connected, members marrying second and third cousins to keep their bloodlines from being “tainted” by outsiders, and one case of siblings. The knowledge that his mother was also his second cousin had always left him feeling slightly nauseated but he had never had the courage to voice his disgust, unlike Sirius.

By the time he had reached his room, Regulus could already feel a headache starting in his temples and wished he had asked Kreacher for a calming potion. He could summon the elf and have one brought to him, but he knew he would need to be clear headed for the night. So, with a huff, he collapsed onto his bed, sinking into the soft surface and intending to only lay there for a moment before getting up to dress. However, it seemed like he was far more tired than he’d thought and found himself slipping away into unconsciousness, dreaming of warm golden eyes accompanied by a soft smile.

~~

The sound of a crack echoing through his room shocked the sleeping boy, causing him into scurry into a sitting position on his bed, wand in hand and looking around for the source of the sound. It only took him moments to see Kreacher standing at the foot of his bed looking at him with wide, fearful, eyes.

“Kreacher?” His voice sound like gravel and his throat felt like he’d eaten glass as he spoke, reaching up to run his fingers through his hair before tucking his wand back into the holster on the inside of his arm.

“Kreacher is being sorry, Master Regulus, but Mistress is wanting you downstairs to greet her guests.” The elf spoke as he moved towards his black wardrobe, opening it to pull out the robes that his mother had chosen for him to wear. Regulus watched, his mind still foggy with sleep, unable to piece together what the house elf had said. Kreacher turned back to him once more, giving him a sigh, and rushed to his side.

Regulus was surprised by the strength the little creature held within his body but allowed himself to be man handled into the black dress robes anyway. He had always hated dress robes, or at least the style of robes his parents preferred. They clung to his chest and buttoned up his neck, while the arms hung off his shoulders before tightening around his wrists, and he knew that the likelihood of the fabric around both his wrists and neck had been charmed to tighten if he did anything his mother didn’t like was high.

Merlin, he hated them.

Once Kreacher was done dressing him, in as quick a fashion as they could, he turned to look in his mirror, trying to find anything out of place so that he could fix it. He saw his thick curls styled to frame his face, brushing against the tops of his ears in smooth rings in a way that made his alabaster skin stand out like a beacon. His gray eyes stood out, although the purple bruising under them did nothing to help hide his exhaustion, and he found himself wishing he had kept some of the muggle make-up he’d lifted from Pandora the year before to try and hide them. Just as he was about to make a self-deprecating comment about how he looked as dead on the outside as he felt on the inside, the bags began to slowly fade, and he turned to look at Kreacher who was lowering his hand with a soft smile.

“Master Regulus is being too good to look so sad.” He whispered, as if he was scared of being heard. Kreacher had always had a soft spot for him, and Regulus had never really appreciated it before now. “Now, Master is needing to be going downstairs. Guests is being here already.” The old elf added with a soft sniff, waving his hand towards the door.

It didn’t take long for him to reach the massive dining room, only hesitating for a moment to make sure the necklace around his neck was hidden before crossing the threshold, but he was surprised to see that there were already quite a few people milling through it. He saw floating trays carrying hors d'oeuvres, flutes of wine from his father’s wine shelves -charmed to keep the wines at the correct temperatures- and small tumblers of firewhiskey. He knew that at some point during the evening, Sirius would sneak off and steal one or two drinks, if not an entire bottle to keep in his room.

There were chaise loungers and stiff recliners everywhere for people to perch on, since sitting would be too informal to describe how most of them would barely let their posteriors touch something as common as furniture.

With a deep, steading, breath he walked further into the room, making his way to his mother’s side, like he knew she would like, nodding to anyone who greeted him with the typical blank expression that had become the Black family trademark. Once he stood beside his mother, noting that Sirius stood on her other side, he let his mind quiet, knowing that he was basically nothing but a puppet for the next several hours.

He greeted everyone he was supposed to, nodding to each wizard or witch that his mother personally introduced to him, skipping over his brother in an obvious show of favoritism, but he remained silent otherwise. It wasn’t until his mother placed a hand atop his shoulder and dug her fingers into the soft space just above his collarbone that his full focus landed on the people in front of him.

He’d known his cousin Narcissa all his life, and always appreciated her quiet inner strength, and since she’d finished school he knew she would be getting married soon.

The marriage contact had been the topic of discussion in his family for months. She’d been chosen to marry Lucius Malfoy, who was several years older than her, but had already gained a reputation for being a ruthless politician and business man. Regulus himself had only met Lucius a handful of times for private potion lessons -overseen by his mother, of course- and each time he felt like something thick and slimy clung to his skin.

Narcissa stood a few inches taller than him, but he knew he would soon catch up to her. Her blonde streaked hair hung to her shoulders in a wave of styled curls, most likely charmed to stay in place, and her steel-colored eyes studied him warmly before she gave him a warm grin. She wore a modestly styled set of pastel blue robes that clung to her, and Regulus mentally applauded her fashion sense. She’d never really like wearing just dark colors, and it seemed that the moment she didn’t have to she replaced her entire wardrobe with softer tones.

“You’re looking well rested, mon petite etoile.” Her voice loosened the knot that had wound itself inside his chest and he felt himself relax for the first time in hours at the sound of the term of affection. For as long as he could remember, she’d always called him her little star, and he hadn’t realized he’d missed it until he heard it.

“Thank you, Cissa.” He answered her with a soft grin.

He watched her mouth open, as if she wanted to say something else, but before she could he felt a cold shiver run through him as Lucius came to stand beside her, a leer on his pointed face as he looked down at him.

 

“I should have believed your mother when she said you were growing into a fine boy, Regulus.” The older man spoke, and it took all of his inner strength not to shrink away. “You must have grown at least three inches since I last saw you, and it seems like you’ve filled out a bit as well.” He laughed, his eyes sliding from Regulus to his mother and back again. “Must be all that time spent playing quidditch. You’re a Seeker, correct? That must be quite the spectacle, seeing you fly.”

Regulus tried to hold the man’s gaze, but the longer he did the more he felt like a rabbit locked in the jaws of a fox, until finally he dropped his eyes to the floor, trying to remind himself to remain still.

“Oh yes, Orion and I are extremely proud of Regulus.” His mother’s voice, while unpleasant, forced himself to shake off the violated feeling Lucius had left on him. “We’ve always known he would make the Slytherin team. Of course, we have hope that they will the House Cup this year, but only if he puts in the dedication and effort.” She added, her fingers digging into his flesh as she spoke, like she knew that he needed a reminder of the consequences if he disappointed her.

Regulus felt his hands begin to shake, and he clenched them at his sides, unfamiliar with the sensation coursing through his body. He felt like his blood was boiling beneath the surface and wanted nothing more than to let the fire consume him. How dare they talk about his achievements without acknowledging where the inspiration for them came from. He had only joined the team because Sirius had joined Gryffindor’s and he’d hoped that it might be something that brought them together, since they’d lost everything that had the moment he was sorted into a different house. He’d wanted to be able to fly with his brother, using the games between their two teams as a pathetic excuse to spend time with him, and it made him a better flyer. Sirius was a beater, using a bat and bludger to try and knock members of the opposite team from their brooms, and since Regulus played the winning position, he’d had to remain a step ahead of the older boy. Playing against Sirius made him a better flyer, and they were speaking as if he wasn’t standing beside them with his own achievements, like how he’d helped his team win said House Cup the past two years.

How dare they.

Before he could stop himself, Regulus felt his mouth open and the words fall from it. “Sirius has, in fact, won the House Cup the past two years.” His voice stilled them as they all gazed down at him with shocked expressions, save for Sirius, who looked both sick to his stomach and proud. “Perhaps a congratulations are in order.” He added because his mouth must hate him and deemed that he hadn’t caused enough trouble for himself.

The fingers on his shoulder tightened to an unbearable painful level and he winced slightly before dropping his gaze once more.

Based on her grip, he was going to regret saying anything.

The party got started properly and Regulus found himself being dragged away from his brother at the first opportunity his mother could find, forcing him to dance with the daughters of important ministry workers and aurors, and taking up his time by making him listen to the Lestrange brothers, Radulphus and Rebastan, go into great detail of their travels and dealings. Radulphus had married his cousin Bellatrix a year earlier, and while he hadn’t given Regulus the same slimy feeling Lucius had, he could say that he’d rather not have him in his family. His cousin, Bella, was -for lack of a better word- crazy. She’d shown how cruel she could be while she was still in school by cursing or hexing younger year students or those in different houses, and Regulus had been glad to see her go. She’d had no problem casting unforgivables on those around her for entertainment, and he knew first hand that she had a powerful cruciatus and imperio.

He was careful not to slip up again as the night went on, and by the time the last person left through the floo he felt drained and wanted nothing more than to go upstairs and climb into his bed.

However, it seemed like his mother had other plans, and before he could take one step towards the door of the parlor where they’d said their goodbyes he felt his nerves catch fire. He hit the floor before he could register what was happening, not having heard his mother cast the spell, and he tried not to cry out as he felt like he was being enveloped by flames, his body jerking violently, resembling what he knew muggles called seizures.

The pain encased his entire body before clawing into his mind to rip him apart and devour anything he failed to hide behind the walls he'd built over the years. It felt like talons scratching against the inside of his skull, and he could feel his mental wards chip away with each push of the curse. His heart fought to break free of his chest as he fought against the pain, and his skin felt as if it was melting into the floor with every passing second. He heard a animalistic scream rip through the air, and somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it had come from him, as the taste of blood flooding his tongue -he couldn't remember biting down on it- and he heard the sound of his head cracking against the marble floor.

The pain lasted hours.

It lasted less than a minute.

“Stop!”

His eyes had closed at some point, and with the pain clouding his brain, he couldn’t be sure who spoke, but he was willing to bet that it was Sirius. Their father never stopped their mother until she had pushed them to unconsciousness, so it only made sense that Sirius was the one begging her to stop.

“He must learn to have respect.” His mother’s voice sounded like ice, and he knew that she was referring to his infraction from before.

This was his punishment.

“Maman, please.” Sirius never said please, and Regulus felt his chest tighten with both pity and comfort. “C’etait de ma faute.” Sirius never spoke French anymore.

Regulus felt his lungs loosen enough to take a deep breath, opening his eyes once he’d taken in enough air to comprehend what was going on around him. Slowly, he pushed himself onto his side, looking up at his brother as he stood in front of him. He saw the moment their mother’s attention shifted from him to Sirius and for the first time he was afraid for him.

Their mother’s eyes were shining and bright, anger and another emotion Regulus hesitated to name, as they slid from him to Sirius, darkening once they landed on his face. Normally their mother was calm, cold, and calculated, but at that moment she looked dangerous and he felt every muscle in his body tense. His already sensitive nerves frayed farther by the feeling of his mother's magic as it pulsed through the room, darkening it. She’d always been hard on Sirius, since he was the oldest, but Regulus had always suspected that it was because he had failed to be what she had planned for her entire life.

She’d been told that her purpose was to marry well and breed little pureblood heirs that followed in their ancestors’ footsteps. Sirius had never fit into that mold, in fact, he’d broken it the first chance he got when he’d gone to school. He was loud when he was supposed to quiet, he questioned her at every turn, and he called out their beliefs about muggleborns. There wasn’t a doubt in anyone’s mind that he would never follow in her footsteps.

And she hated him for it.

That’s what he could see in her eyes. Hate. She hated her oldest son for being her own personal failure, and as she pointed her wand at Sirius, Regulus could see that she was going to make him pay for it.

Sirius hit the floor almost instantly, his mouth open in a silent scream as he began to jerk and roll back and forth under the effects of the Cruciatus Curse. Regulus wanted to reach out and lend him some form of comfort but froze as a cold wet sensation trickled down his back. His muscles felt pliant as his mind began to cloud.

“Stand up.” The command came from his right and before he could even wonder how, he was on his feet and standing over his brother, who was still writhing under their mother’s rage. “Come stand here.” He had no choice but to listen as he walked over to stand beside his father, who grabbed his arm the moment he was within reach, leaning down to whisper in his ear. “Do not make it harder for him.”

He felt the spell release him the moment his father stopped talking and took a shaky inhale before turning to watch, knowing that if he didn’t his mother would force him to anyway.

Foam was beginning to leak from the corners of his brother’s mouth, but the older boy was stubbornly refusing to scream, and Regulus saw his mother’s face shift into something sinister and ugly.

She stepped closer to him and gave a jerk of her wand, dropping the curse. Sirius gasped greedily, taking in air as his chest heaved before he slowly pried his eyes open, searching for something.

Regulus could see that his brother wasn’t thinking clearly as his eyes moved around the room, but he forced himself to remain at their father’s side.

“You think you are better than this family?” Their mother whispered, her voice dripping with hate as she stood over him, her wand pointed at his chest. “You are nothing! You are no better than those blood-traitors and mudbloods that you fraternize with, and you will die like them.” Her hand jerked once more, and the parlor was suddenly filled with the most agonizing scream, the sound crawling inside Regulus and nesting in his chest as he watched his bother violently arch his back and slam his head back on the tile repeatedly, his hands trying to clench the floor below him as his body continued to writhe.

It felt like hours, but in reality was only minutes before Regulus saw Sirius’ body fall still, and he hoped that that would be the end of it, but before anyone could say anything, he saw deep gashes appear along his stomach and chest, the blood pouring of the wounds to stain the formal gray robes he wore and the tile beneath him. He heard himself whimper, a tiny sound that seemed so loud to him, fearful that he was really watching his older brother die at their mother’s hands. He wanted to do something, but he couldn’t get his body to obey him even though he was no longer under the imperius curse his father had cast.

He needed to do something.

He needed to stop her.

“Walburga, love.” His father’s quiet voice seemed to bring her back from wherever she had gone in her rage, and she instantly lowered her wand, stepping away from the still body of her son, and walked out without a word. Regulus’ eyes stayed on Sirius until he felt a hand on his arm, turning to look up at into his father’s pale blue eyes. Orion was taller than both he and Sirius, with a bulkier build, but in that moment Regulus saw that he looked smaller than he ever had. “It would be beneficial if he wasn’t here when she came back in. Do you understand, Regulus?” He whispered, sliding his eyes towards Sirius before turning back to the him.

He waited a moment in silence before following his wife out of the room without looking back, leaving Regulus alone with his dying brother.

It took a moment longer than he was willing to admit before Regulus dropped to his brother’s side, careful not to injure him further. With shaking fingers, he reached forward to try and find a pulse, exhaling sharply at the weak thump beneath his fingertips. He knew what he would have to do, but doing it meant cutting all contact with the only member of his twisted family that he loved, even when he hated him.

He whispered apologies to the unconscious teenager as he carefully gripped him under his arms and slowly pulled him towards the open gate of the fireplace, trying to ignore the wide trail of blood that followed them, a plan already forming in his mind. Once he was close enough to the hearth, he rolled Sirius onto his side, wincing at the groan of pain that let his lips, and got to his feet.

There was one more thing he needed to do before he was done. He went in search of parchment, knowing that his mother kept some in a small desk drawer a couple of rooms down.

He knew his time was limited so he swiftly penned out a message before folding the slip of paper and returning to his brother’s side. He tucked the parchment into his brother’s collar, hoping that it would be found before Sirius woke up and that the people he was sending him to would listen.

Regulus knew that if they told who had actual sent him, that Sirius wouldn’t stop until he got Regulus away from their parents, but that couldn’t happen. He couldn’t let that happen. If Sirius came anywhere near this house again, their mother wouldn’t hesitate to just kill him where he stood.

No, Sirius must never know it was Regulus that sent him through the floo. If he thought Regulus hated him as much as their parents, Sirius would try to have a life of his own, instead of wasting his time with his younger brother.

He’d always known he would be the cost of his brother’s freedom.

Finally, he stood and reached into the jar on the mantle, taking a handful of powder in his hand and tossing it into the hearth, watching as green flames roared to life. As quickly as he could, he knelt behind Sirius and rolled him into the flames, hoping that the trail of blood looked like Sirius himself had crawled into the hearth. Once he knew all of Sirius was inside the flames, he leaned his head in and opened his mouth, recalling the name of the safest place for him. “Godric’s Hollow!” The flames leapt upwards once more, and he had just enough time to pull his head out of the fire before it curled around his brother’s body and carried him away.

He sat in front of the hearth until the sun rose.

Chapter 2

Summary:

Back to Hogwarts

Notes:

Hello again!

First and foremost, thank you for the kudos and bookmarks, and all other forms in interest in the last chapter. It really made my day every time I got a notification in my inbox.

Tw:
Homophobic language/actions (off screen second hand memory)
Threat of violence

I think that might be it, but if you see something I missed please let me know.

anyway, onward, to waffles!

Part I: 
Chapter Two 
January 3^rd, 1976

"Would you believe in a love at first sight?” "Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time.” 
"What do you see when you turn off the light?” 
“I can't tell you, but I know it's mine." 
-With a little help from my friends, The Beatles.

 

The first thing Sirius could remember from Christmas break his fifth year was giving the necklace he’d had made during a trip to Hogsmeade to Regulus as a Christmas present.

Everything after that was a little fuzzy.

He knew he’d gotten into a fight with his mother, but had very little memory of what it entailed, and had somehow gotten to Godric’s Hollow to stay with the Potters, but no one had felt the need to tell him how exactly, only that he’d tumbled from the hearth barely breathing. He'd known then what his mother had at least done to him, even if he had no actually memory of it. 

The Cruciatus Curse was her favorite method of punishment, ranked right up there with starvation. The curse made the victim feel like they were on fire as it reached into their mind and pulled it apart with pain, leaving them on the brink of insanity if left for too long.

Looking back, Sirius found himself grateful that he couldn't remember.  

Euphemia and Fleamont Potter had welcomed him into their home and he’d done his best to make himself comfortable there, recovering from an array of injuries and dealing with nightmares of blank faces ripping him apart while a pair of empty gray eyes watched.

It took him days to fully recover, and even then it was only from the physical abuse, the mental abuse he knew he’d sustained at home would take much longer. The one thing he wished he could remember was if Regulus had been in the room when he and his mother had argued, but every time he tried to think about that night he would get a stabbing pain in his brain.

Eventually he had just stopped trying to remember.

Staying with James and his parents had helped in ways Sirius hadn’t been prepared for. Effie and Monty opened up their home to him, and never once made him feel like a burden or like he was broken after his brush with death at the hands of his mother. Even during one of his worst moments, they comforted him with gentle voices and even softer touches. It had only taken days for them to declare him their adopted son, and never failed to show him they meant it.

He only wished Regulus was with him.

It knew it was impossible, of course. Regulus was the perfect son, and Black, listening to their parents without question, never disobeying or speaking out of turn. When they’d been young, Sirius had always made sure that he was the one that took the slaps and curses for his little brother, even if he hadn’t done anything.

As they’d grown older, especially after they both started at Hogwarts, they’d grown apart. Hearing the sorting hat declare Regulus a Slytherin had left Sirius feeling betrayed and angry, so he’d lashed out at him, ignored him and tried to forget that he had a brother. For nearly four years, he’d succeeded. However, towards the end of the the first term of their fifth year, James had begun trying to convince him that he should try to reach out to Regulus and begin to rebuild their relationship.

The thing about it though, was that he’d wanted to. He wanted to talk to his brother. He wanted to share stories about their day, ask Regulus for help planning their latest prank, and hug him tight so that the world couldn’t touch him.

He wanted that more than anything. To protect him.

So, he’d had a present made for him, a necklace -a locket to be precise- to remind Regulus that even if he lived in a den of snakes he still had the heart of a lion. Looking back, Sirius was grateful that he’d heard Regulus outside his door, because it gave him the opportunity to give him the necklace, otherwise it would have been lost in his room until Walburga tossed it. When Sirius had told James that he had given Regulus the necklace, his friend had given him a hug and reassured him that his little brother would be okay.

Those whispered words had alleviated some of the guilt he had for leaving the younger boy behind, even though he had barely gotten himself out.  

Now, he stood beside James on the platform of 9^3/4, waiting to board the train that would take them to Hogwarts. Sirius leaned down to allow Effie’s arms to wrap around his shoulders, letting himself take comfort in the way she held him for as long as he needed, like any good mother would. Her chin settled nicely over his shoulder, since he’d managed to bypass her in height over the summer. He let his head rest against her shoulder, feeling grounded as she ran her fingers through his shoulder length hair before he slowly pulled away from her.

 “Be sure to write, will you?” She patted his cheek, pulling a bashful smile from him.

“Yes, ma’am, I’ll make sure he writes as often as he’s able.” He teases, giving James a shove. “And when he can’t I’ll be sure to divulge all his dirty secrets to you.”

“Et tu, Pads!” James shoved him back playfully, grinning.

Effie’s laughter eased a knot in his chest, and before Sirius knew what he was doing his eyes roamed over the crowd as if he was searching for something. He wanted to see the mess of black curls bobbing through the throng of people, if for no other reason than to know that Regulus was okay. Sirius knew that he didn’t have the right to search for his brother since he’d never bothered to reach out to him over the past four years, but his instinct as an older brother wasn’t easily put aside.

However, he knew that no matter how much he wanted to reach out to Regulus now, he also knew that leaving would mean that Walburga and Orion would no longer allow their youngest to speak to a disowned family member.   

“Oh.” James’ soft sigh pulled his attention away from the people around them as he turned to look at the boy beside him, who he noticed was looking off somewhere behind them with an expression that could only be described as a mixture of relief and fear. Sirius turned to follow his gaze, and instantly felt his mouth go dry.

His father, mother, and younger brother had emerged from the portal that led to the platform, Regulus’ trunk following behind them on its own as they walked through the crowd, parting it like they owned it. Walburga and Orion walked just behind Regulus, flanking him as he was royalty, then again, Sirius knew that in their eyes he was.

He’d been made the new Heir to the House of Black just days after Sirius had arrived at the Potter’s

Sirius hadn’t been surprised when he heard about it. He could only imagine how happy Walburga was to blow his name from the family tapestry.  

“Come on, Pads, let’s get on the train.” James’ voice urged him, and he felt a tug on the arm of his jacket. Reluctantly, he followed his best friend onto the steam engine, letting himself be led into a compartment.

They waited in silence while the train filled with both returning and new students, hoping that their friends would find the compartment they were occupying. Sirius sat close to the window, leaning his head against the glass as he looked out at the crowd, watching his parents speaking to Regulus.

Based on the expression on his mother’s face, she was giving him her ‘don’t disappoint me’ speech, and he let himself feel grateful for a moment that he no longer had to hear it. He watched as his father, a tall man with his black hair tied back at the nape of his neck and pressed clothes that screamed wealth, placed a heavy hand on Regulus’ shoulder, nearly buckling the younger boy’s knees, and give him a firm shake. A moment later, Regulus turned away from them, and Sirius felt his heart break at the blank, cold, expression his younger brother had donned over the past couple of years. His eyes, even across the distance between them, were lifeless and empty and Sirius wanted nothing more than to pull him into his arms and assure him that it would be okay.

He knew it was a lie.

But that didn’t make the urge any less potent.

“Hey, Pads, you think Moony and Wormtail are already here?” James asked softly, and Sirius slid his eyes over to gaze at the boy sitting across from him. People had always said that James looked like his father, but Sirius had always thought he looked like his mother, with his sharp cheek bones and pointed chin and jaw. His sun-kissed skin showcased his desi heritage, which matched his molten brown eyes. His bottle cap glasses sat perched on the bridge of his nose, constantly at risk of slipping, and his thick black hair was in desperate need of a brushing.

He’d thrown on a pair denim trousers, his red trainers, and a red jumper. Sirius thought he looked relaxed, which was the opposite of how Sirius knew he looked. He’d thrown on a pair of ripped jeans that were held up with a black studded belt, a black Pink Floyd James had given him for Christmas, and a pair of black leather boots and jacket he’d bought over the break. He thought he looked cool, and rebellious.

“I’m sure they’ll find us, Prongs.” He grinned and leaned forward, grinning at his best friend. “You think Evans is here yet?” Chuckling as he saw the tops of James’ cheeks turn red. “Why you still on about her, mate?” He asked, expecting his friend to start sputtering about how pretty and smart the girl in question was.

He was not expecting James to be silent.

Sirius watched James’ mouth open and close a few times before heaving a heavy sigh and throwing himself back onto the bench seat.

“I don’t know to be honest.” He finally whispered, as if scared of admitting the fact.

Sirius tilted his head as he studied the boy across from him, noting the way his eyes drifted back to the platform, searching silently. “Prongs?”

As James’ mouth opens to answer, they’re interrupted by the sound of the door of the compartment being thrown open, revealing a tall young man with sandy brown hair and a shorter boy with blonde locks.

Sirius watched as Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew shoved passed each other to get into the small space, grins on their faces. Remus was dressed in one of his famous knitted jumpers, the neckline swooping down below his collar bone, a pair of plain trousers and lace up trainers. Sirius felt his lips curl up into a grin as he rested his eyes on the boy, feeling his heart stutter for a moment and refusing to acknowledge what it meant. Remus just looked so soft in his jumpers that it made Sirius want to just wrap him up and protect him, but he knew better than to assume that the other boy couldn’t take care of himself. There was a strength within Remus that very few knew about.

The boy in question pushed his way further into the space and collapsed on the bench next to Sirius, his face twisted in discomfort as he tried to settle in against the cushions.

“Alright Moony?” He asked softly, tilting his head to rest against the back of the seat.

“Yeah, Pads, just happy to finally be on the train.” Remus sighed, leaning over to rest his forehead on Sirius’ shoulder with a heavy sigh. Sirius stilled, unwilling to do or say anything that would make the other boy move away from him.

They’d gone almost six years without the full moon landing on a first night back, but Sirius knew that it was bound to happen at some point. He could never give a straight answer anytime someone asked how he always knew what phase the moon was in, but he was honest with himself it was probably half-way through their second year when he'd started memorizing the dates for each moon for the upcoming year. 

He had been the first between himself James and Peter to figure out that their friend was a werewolf at the end of their first year. Sirius could remember being so proud of himself for figuring it out first that he barely registered the fear that followed it. Once it had caught up though, he’d been so afraid that if anyone else had found out that the beautiful boy with sandy blonde hair would be expelled.

When he’d asked Remus about it, they decided to let James and Peter in on it, neither of whom were surprised, and Sirius was happy that he could keep his newly dubbed Moony. It had been an easy decision for them all to memorize the moon charts to the point where it had become second nature.

Once he’d found out that Remus spent the moons in the shrieking shack, Sirius told James and Peter and the three of them spend countless hours trying to figure out a safe way to spend those nights with him. They had spent an ungodly amount of time in the library looking up spells or potions that could cause a werewolf to ignore them, but only found books labeling them as nothing more than mindless dark animals.

James had come up with the idea then and had thrown himself into looking up everything he could about how werewolves interacted with the animals in the forests they were known to inhabit. It was then that the three of them had known what they needed to do, and Sirius had taken it upon himself to get everything they needed to pull it off. And so, by the end of their fourth year, they had become illegal animagi, which allowed them to spend time with their friend in a whole new way.

He was one of his best mates, and Sirius needed his Moony.

Because Remus was his.

Over the years he’d try to not to allow the possessive thoughts he often had of Remus effect the way they interacted, knowing that it would give people reasons to gossip and spread rumors that would make his Moony a target in more ways than one. Sirius knew he was tactile, even before he left home, and Remus was one of people he’d grown to rely on for physical affection. When they were younger, no one thought anything of it, but now that they were older, it would have implications that could be dangerous if the wrong people heard about it.

However, Sirius was hesitant to give it up completely. 

It wasn't that being queer was frowned upon in the wizarding world, Sirius knew that it was accepted by the majority of the population -which was more than he could say from what he knew of the muggle world. While the majority found no problem with letting people love who they wanted, there were those that opposed it violently. 

His family, for example, spoke of such activities with either disgust or outright rage. When he was younger, he could remember hearing the older members bragging about coming up on a pair of men embracing and deciding to curse one of them past the point of sanity while the other was imprerioed to stand by and watch while his lover screamed and cried out for him. 

Before the beginning of the term, Sirius had overheard his cousin Bella describing how much fun it was to watch lesbian couples beg and plead while she sliced into them, carving words like filth, impure, and faggot. The story had made him sick to his stomach, and hesitant to don the label himself lest a target be placed on whomever his partner ended up being.

Sirius refused to place that burden at Remus' feet, no matter how much he might want him.  

Sirius shook his head to clear it and turned so that his back was against the cushion, surprised when Remus laid his head in his lap and close his eyes, and studied the boy, carding his fingers through Remus’ hair as he did. He let out a sigh at the subtle signs of exhaustion that peppered Remus’ face, the heavy bags under his eyes and the ashen color of his slightly tanned skin. The jumper he wore looked at least two sizes too big, and since Sirius knew that it had fit perfectly before the break, the only explanation was that Remus had lost a significant amount of weight in the two weeks they’d been gone. The thin white scars along his cheeks and nose seemed slightly raised and Sirius wondered for a moment how that could happen. He knew that there hadn’t been a moon during their break and knew that Remus’ holiday had been as hard as his own.

The knowledge made a wave of fierce protectiveness wash over him.

“Feels good.” Remus murmured softly and Sirius felt the last bit of tension drain out of him as he fell asleep to the gentle rocking of the moving train.

With a soft smile, Sirius watched him for a moment longer, happy to lend him some comfort, before lifting his head to greet Peter, who had taken a seat beside James.

Peter Pettigrew was the smallest of the four of them, with his thin and lanky body that still resembled a child more than that of a sixteen-year-old. His bright blue eyes always had a sparkle of mischief to them, and Sirius knew that if Peter ever wanted, he could out prank them all, but of course, he was too loyal for that.

“Have a good holiday, Pete?” He asked quietly to keep from disturbing Remus.

Peter’s grin widened as he leaned back into the seat, reaching out to grip James’ shoulder and clutching his chest in an imitation of Sirius. “Lads, when I tell you that I met the most gorgeous bird…”

“Oi, don’t be talking about Potter’s mom like that, Wormtail.” Sirius teased, throwing at playful wink to James, who instantly turned to face Peter with a horrified look on his face.

“Watch it, Pettigrew, or I’ll have your bollocks blasted into next week.” James warned, leaning forward in an intimidating fashion.

Before any of them had a chance to respond, the door to the compartment was thrown open a second time, and Sirius felt his lungs contract at the sight of his little brother stepping through the door, his head and eyes down.

“Oi.” Peter’s voice snapped Regulus’ head up and for a moment, Sirius could see a mixture of shock, disbelief, and -yes, there it was- relief dance across his face before his expression became cold and empty once more. His eyes flicked from Peter to Remus then James where they stayed for a beat longer than necessary before sliding to Sirius, his gray orbs nearly empty of emotion, but Sirius always knew how to get a rile out of his baby brother.

“Look here lads, a snake has wandered into the lion’s den.” He sneered as he motioned his head towards his brother, falling back into old habits, and silently hating himself for it. Turning his gaze back to Regulus, he took a moment to really study his appearance.

Regulus had always been slight, and just a few inches shorter than himself, but Sirius noticed how pale the dark circles around his eyes made him, and the way his perfect hair had been ruffled, like he’d been running his fingers through it. His outer layer of robes had been unbuttoned at the neck and tugged loose, as if he’d needed room to breathe, and Sirius saw the hint of a dark splotch just inside his collar.

A bruise.

His eyes swiftly caught his brother’s gaze and he saw the moment Regulus knew what he’d seen, the younger boy reaching up to pull his collar closed, a look of fear widening his eyes.

Without a second to think about it, Sirius was on his feet, dumping Remus onto the floor with a surprised shriek. Making the mental note to apologize later, Sirius took a step towards Regulus, his hand going to the collar of his robe to pull it back and see what they’d done to him.

He didn’t make it far before the tip of a wand was lifting his chin, the threat clear, and looking down into his brother’s eyes, Sirius saw that his face had contorted into something furious and determined.

Regulus dug his wand deeper into his neck, his eyes moving behind Sirius for a moment before they focused once more on him. Sirius felt his spine straighten as he watched the boy in front of him lean forward, glaring. “Don’t touch me, you filthy blood-traitor.” The words washed over him like a bucket of cold water and he let out a sound that felt like it had been punched out of him.  

A moment passed between them in silence before Regulus removed the tip of his wand from his jaw and stepped back, throwing a glare to the space just over Sirius’ shoulder before slamming the door closed behind him.

“Holy shit, Padfoot. Your brother is…” James started to speak but seemed unable to find the correct words to use and chose to remain silent.

Sirius couldn’t blame him.

Even he didn’t know how to process what had happened. He and Regulus haven’t had anything that resembled a good relationship since Sirius was eleven, but neither of them had ever shown outright aggression before that moment. Sirius had never seen the depth of hatred in his little brother’s eyes that he’d glimpsed when they were glaring at one another, and he’d certainly never been at the end of his wand.

Then again, Sirius could guess all the horrible things their mother had threatened Regulus with if the younger boy allowed Sirius anywhere near him. He knew that his parents were members of some of the darkest circles in wizarding Europe, and that once they’d realized he was a lost cause they had tried to dig their hooks into Regulus.

Maybe they’ve succeeded.

The remainder of the train ride to Hogwarts was carried out in a cautious atmosphere, the four of them spending the time napping since they wouldn’t be getting any sleep that night. It was only when Remus had to go to the Prefect meeting that Sirius and James told Peter all about their holiday, excluding the time Sirius spent at Grimmauld Place. He didn’t want to explain that his mother had more or less tried to kill him.

They changed into their uniforms just before the train stopped, gathering their trunks and setting them aside on the platform for the house elves to retrieve and take to their dorm room.

Sirius tried to pay attention during dinner, but his eyes kept scanning the Slytherin table in an effort to find his brother, only stopping once he found him nestled between Evan Rosier and Barty Crouch Jr.

He noticed that the other two boys’ eyes kept flicking around the table, as if they were keeping watch over Regulus as he sat with his empty face and dead eyes. His movements, even from a distance, looked too robotic for Sirius to believe that he was fine, but knew better than to draw attention to it.

Dinner on the day students came back always lasted well into the night, and Sirius knew that meant that Remus would already be in the Shrieking Shack, waiting for them, so as soon as he thought they could get away with it, he gestured to James and Peter that they should head for the dorms.

James had kept the map, and shrunk his cloak to fit in his pocket, so they went straight from the Great Hall to the Whomping Willow. Once they were close enough, Peter shrunk down into the brown rat his animagus form had taken and ran towards the knob that froze the tree and allowed them to access the tunnel. Sirius was always careful when he entered the tunnel, knowing that on the other side of it was a waiting werewolf.

Moony didn’t scare Sirius. He excited him.

Halfway through the tunnel, he felt James shift into a massive stag and chuckled when he poked the back of his neck with a cold nose. Sirius had always thought that their animagus forms fit them. Peter as a rat, clever and quick to misdirect Moony when he got agitated. James as stag, majestic and level headed, but willing to jump in between Moony and anything he shouldn’t get into. Sirius himself as Padfoot, a large black dog that wanted to only to play and keep Moony happy. To be the center of his attention.

Oh yes, Sirius thought their forms fit them quite well.

Just before the three of them entered the shack, Sirius used his wand to unlock the door then swiftly made his way towards the boy curled up on the thin mattress. Remus looked terrible, a sheen of sweat on his skin and the heaving of his chest told Sirius that it was going to be a rough transformation.

“Change, now.”

He listened.

 

The black dog loved it when the wolf chased him, baying and howling as they ran towards the tree line. The dog was smaller than most of his companions, but he was fast as he darted across the open field, only stopping once he neared the edge of the forest.

Turning, tail wagging happily, he waited until the others caught up, his eyes traveling up when he saw a bit of movement atop a tower that overlooked the lake. Focusing his gaze, he tilted his head, watching the figure of a pup lean against the railing to look up at the sky.

Padfoot didn’t like the idea of someone being outside where his companions could be seen, but it seemed the pup only had eyes for the stars. He stepped forwards, something about the pup feeling familiar, only to be stopped by the body of a stag as they lowered their head down to prod him backwards.

The black dog let out a soft growl at his friend, taking a moment longer to gaze at the pup before lifting his head and baying out a sound that he knew brought comfort to the wolf, hoping it would reassure the slumped figure to know they weren’t alone, before he turned and teased the wolf into giving chase.  

They ran until nearly dawn, returning only once the first gray lights of the nearing day crested the horizon. It was easy to guide the wolf back towards the building they’d found him in, and Padfoot gave him a lick as they broke through the trees, his eyes unconsciously lifting to the tower that had been occupied by the pup to see it empty. The wolf staggered tiredly, drawing Padfoot’s attention back to him.

 

Sirius covered the sleeping boy with the thin blanket that was kept for him and carded his fingers through his hair tenderly, letting his eyes roamed over his bare chest and stomach. The night hadn’t been as bad as he knew he could be, and the lack of new injuries confirmed that it had been fairly easy.

It always was when they were there with him.

“You think Pomfrey will let him go into the hall for breakfast?” James asked somewhere behind him, and Sirius could hear the yawn threatening to break through.

“I hope so.” He answered softly, pulling the blanket tight around him before turning towards the others and huddling under James’ invisibility cloak with them.

They would stay with him until Madam Pomfrey came to retrieve him, unwilling to leave him alone for any longer than was absolutely necessary.

 

~ 

(January 8^th, 1976)

 

“Damnit, Prongs!”

“Don’t yell at me, Pads, just because you can’t find your socks.” James’ level voice shouted at him from the loo as he scurried to find one of the pairs of socks he knew he’d brought with him.

Frustrated, he pulled his wand from the haphazardly thrown his hair up in and pointed it at the center of the messy dorm. “Accio socks.”  A moment later a pair of rolled up socks landed in the palm of his hand, and he grinned as he held them up for his dormmates to see.

“It’s astonishing how quickly you’ve turned our dorm into a warzone.” Remus sighed as he gestured towards the explosion of clothes that covered the entirety of the room. “It hasn’t even been a week, Sirius, how many of these have you actually worn?”

“Beauty takes time, Moony, and if I don’t put in the effort, how will my adoring fans live with themselves?” Sirius chuckled as he finished getting dressed. Just because they have to wear uniforms, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t personalize the way he wore it.

Since the first day back, he’d chosen not to wear his outer robes, and instead just wore a white button up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the top buttons undone, his red and gold tie loose around the collar. His trousers had been rolled up at the ankle, to show off the black leather laced-up boots he’d been given over the break and held up with his studded belt. He’d lined his eyes with a thin layer of black eyeliner he’d recently borrowed and failed to return.

“I’m sure they’ll survive.”

Sirius let out a chuckle and shook his head, refusing to acknowledge how adorable Remus was when he got fussy, and joined Peter by the door, ready to leave.

The four of them made their way towards the great hall, hoping to have at least a few minutes to eat before they had to go their first class of the day. Sirius walked besides James, listening to him prattle on about how excited he was for their first team practice. When they’d found out it had to be postponed for a week, ironically because the team captain had been injured by a stray bludger when he was doing inventory on their equipment, they’d both felt nothing but pity for the poor guy. Frank Longbottom was one of the best captain’s Gryffindor had had in years, and while they wanted him to make a full recovery, Sirius knew that James was just as anxious to be in air as he was.

Breakfast was a silent ordeal, since they’d arrived late, so Sirius made himself some toast, spreading a thick layer of jam over the top and poured an ungodly amount of sugar into his tea.

“I don’t understand how you came to conclusion to put that much sugar into your body when you clearly don’t need it.” Remus snapped at him from across the table, munching on piece of bacon.

“Think I’m sweet enough, Moony? I’m touched.” He grinned back at him with a playful wink before he went back to his plate, preening at the sight of the subtle blush that touched the taller boy's cheeks.

“Don’t start, Padfoot.” Peter piped up from beside him, looking like he’d rather be anywhere as long as he could sleep there. “I don’t have the mental strength to deal with the flirting this early in the morning.”

Sirius opened his mouth to make a comeback about Peter not having the mental strength for anything when the doors to the hall opened and he saw the last three  Slytherins he wanted to see at the beginning of his day.

“Oi, if it isn’t Snivellus and his merry band of dumbasses.” He whispered as he gestured towards the group making their way towards their house’s table.

At the beginning of the year, Sirius was annoyed by how tall Snape had gotten over the summer, having surpassed him in that department, but had been pleased to note that his hair was still far more superior than the greasy locks that hung like dead plants to Snape’s shoulders. The dark color of the boy’s hair made his ashen skin stick out more, making his look forever sick, and his robes dangled off of his lanky frame like old curtains.

Sirius moved his gaze from his nemesis to get a look at his two companions. Mulciber and Avery, fifth years, like Snape, and the heirs to two pureblood families. Growing up in high society meant that Sirius had known the two boys before they’d all arrived at Hogwarts and were most likely the reason his parents had always known what he was getting up to while at school.

Even at fifteen, Mulciber resembled more of a mountain than a teenager, standing nearly as tall as Remus and built like the groundskeeper Hagrid, a half giant. His muddy brown hair was cut short, which made his blue eyes more menacing, and Sirius knew that he was a demon on the quidditch pitch. He absolutely hated him. 

Avery, on the other hand, was the same height and build as Sirius. His red locks hung in front of his eyes, but the arrogant smile that seemed to be a permanent fixture made it clear to everyone around that he was not to be messed with.

The trio sat down and began to whisper conspicuously between themselves, and Sirius found himself wishing that he could hear things as easily as he could when he was Padfoot. Mulciber had taken a seat that faced him, and Sirius narrowed his gaze on the other boy’s lips, hoping to see a word he was familiar enough with to get an idea of what they were talking about.

He tuned out the other three as he held his eyes on his target, picking up bits of the silent conversation. He watched Mulciber’s lips curl around a word, and felt his blood run cold.

“Regulus.”

He was on his feet before he could stop himself, ignoring the confused shrieks of his friends as he marched up to the Slytherin table and slammed his palms down onto its surface.

“What about my brother?” He demanded, his voice steady as he glared down at the mountain across from where he stood. While the incident between him and Regulus on the train had left him both confused and angry, he knew he wouldn’t hesitate to protect his younger brother.  

Mulciber’s lips curled up into a cruel grin and he leaned forward to brace his arms on the table.

“I’m sorry, Black, but I don’t believe I know what you’re talking about.” He sneered in response.

Sirius felt a pair of hands grip his shoulders, but he shrugged them off, his eyes never leaving Mulciber.

“I saw you say his name, Mulciber. Now tell me why.” He put all his weight on his hands as he leaned forward.

“Looking at my lips, are you? A blood traitor and a queer, Damn, Black, you really are a disgrace to your family. Then again, I heard they finally kicked you out like the trash you are.” Mulciber taunted, his lips curled into a grin as he watched for Sirius’ reaction.

Sirius shook his head and tried to push the words to the back of his mind, wanting only to hear about his brother. “Tell me, or I swear to Merlin I will hex you into next week.” In an instant, he pulled his wand from the twisted bun atop his head and pointed it at the boy in front of him.

“Is there a problem, gentlemen?”

Sirius snapped his head around to look at the source of the first woman he’d truly respected.

Professor Minerva McGonagall stood a few feet away from where he was leaning, and Sirius could tell by the look on her face that she meant business. Her eyes narrowed in on him as he took in her stern face. The robes she wore, buttoned all the way up her neck, were a deep purple, and her hair was pulled back into a tight bun.

She looked like the embodiment of discipline.

“Not at all, Professor. We were just trading house secrets.” He smirked, hoping she would let them leave without taking house points. He knew that if his actions potentially led to them losing the House Cup, he’d never hear the end of it.

Based on the soft groans he heard come from James, Remus, and Peter, his hope was unfounded.

“Ten points from Gryffindor for antagonizing fellow students before lunch.” Professor McGonagall stated simply and Sirius felt the back of a hand smack him on the shoulder. “Now, I suggest you get to class, because I would hate for you to be late.” She added as she turned away, and Sirius made a face, knowing full well that her class was the first of the day for them.

Straightening his back, he glared down at Mulciber. “This isn’t over, one way or another I’m going to find out why you were talking about Regulus.” He whispered before turning to gather his things and head to class.

“Really, Pads?” Remus snapped as they walked through the corridors towards the transfiguration class. “What made you think that confronting them in the great hall was a good idea?”

Sirius glanced over at Remus, having had to listen to him rant about the incident for almost ten minutes.

“I saw him talking about my brother, Remus, what would you have me do? Ignore him?” He snapped back. He was aware that ever since the incident on the train that his brother wanted nothing to do with him, but he couldn’t help his instinct to protect him whenever he could. And he knew, if Mulciber was talking about Regulus, that it wasn’t good.

Remus let out a soft sigh, and for a moment Sirius thought he would let that matter go. “No, I know you can’t, but I just think that you could have been smarter about it.” He muttered as they entered the classroom and found their seats.

“Remus, you know that Sirius’ head only has enough room for his hair.” A gleeful voice from beside James spoke up in amusement, and Sirius found himself grinning at the source.

Marlene McKinnon sat, with her light-colored hair perfectly curled and twisted to fall over one shoulder. Her red lips curled into a smirk and she leaned back in her chair, bring his attention to sliver of pale skin just above her knees.

He refused to think about why it didn’t make his heart race, Mulciber’s words echoing through his mind.

“Oi.” He snapped as he took his seat beside Peter. Remus and James shuffled towards their seats in front of them, and Sirius noticed that James didn’t try to keep his eyes on the red-headed girl sitting beside Marlene. “Prongs, you forget something?” He whispered, leaning forward to reach James ear and gesturing towards the red head.

Ever since they were eleven, Sirius hadn’t known James to ignore Lily Evans. He wrote sonnets about her shoulder length hair two months into their first year, and had a banner dedicated to her bright green eyes their second. James had never let a day go by without telling the fiery girl that he adored her. In third year, he charmed a heart to follow her around praising her kindness and gentle nature. Last year, he had simply told her every day that he thought she was not only the prettiest girl he knew but a genius

She’d put him in a body bind in the middle of the courtyard and left him there. Sirius thought she was just playing hard to get, but as he watched his best friend keep his eyes forward he wondered if maybe James had given up. He’d certainly noticed that James had slowly stopped vying for the girl’s attention since the start of the school year.

He’d have to ask James what that was about.

Not that he minded putting in a bit of effort, but Sirius wanted to be able to look at someone and not have to guess if they were his or not, and vice versa. He liked the chase, the flirting and playfulness at the beginning, but after spending sixteen years tip toeing around, he needed to know when he was wanted.

“Not that I’m aware of.” James muttered, glancing over his shoulder and Sirius saw that he’d looked at Lily. Quickly, he followed his gaze and saw that Lily give James an appreciative smile before she turned to continue a conversation between herself and Marlene.

“If you’re sure.” He nodded to James, giving him a gentle pat on the back.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Was the reply he received in return.

Yeah, he'd definitely have to ask him about that later. 

Notes:

Sirius, meh boi! I love this bundle of absolute chaos -which will defiantly make an appearance in later chapters.

Massive blood loss can affect short term memory, and as we saw in the first chapter, our beloved suffered some pretty substaintial blood loss, so his memory is jacked. For now anyway.

Sirius refusing to be open and with a partner because he doesn't want to get anyone hurt. My heart. The world doesn't deserve you.

I love the interaction between Reg and Sirius, honestly. It's just so *chefs kiss* Sirius knows something is up, but Regulus is not cooperating with him! He just wants to be a big brother, damnit.

Is that a hint of Jegulus in the background????

let me know what you guys think, and I'll see you in the next chapter -which should be posted next tuesday if life doesn't get in my way.

Chapter 3

Notes:

Hello again all you shes, hes, and theys!

Again, thank you to the wonderful people who gave this little fic of mine some love! Every notification gives me a dose of serotonin that is greatly appreciated.

This chapter gives us a look into James' perspective, and I am so excited for it! I love James so much, and hope I did him justice.

CW:
Threat of violence
Violence
Mention of blood
homophobic/ bigot mindsets

Think that's it. If I missed something, let me know.

Onward, to waffles.

Part I:

Chapter Three

And it all comes down to you,

Well you know it does

When the lightning strikes.

- Gypsy, Fleetwood Mac

 

January 22^nd ,1976

 

James loved being a wizard. He really did. Everything about it brought him some amount of joy, and he felt like that joy should be shared by everyone around him. That desire is what pushed him to pull the countless, mostly harmless, and extremely entertaining pranks he’d helped plan over the years.

When he’d gotten his letter from Hogwarts after he’d turned eleven, his father had pulled him into his study and told him about all the pranks and shenanigans he and his friends had gotten up to when they were in school. He’d boarded the train that first time prepared to pull out all the stops, even if he had to do it by himself, but he’d quickly found Peter, who he’d known before, and they quite literally stumbled upon Sirius and Remus. He and Peter had been running through the corridor of the train and ran head first into the greatest friendships they’d ever had, at least according to James.

He and Sirius had taken one look at each other and that was that. They were brothers. He’d been an only child because of how old his mother had been when he was born, but he’d known in a moment that Sirius would be his brother for life. He’d even been jealous of Sirius’ actual brother, Regulus, because for a long time he was all Sirius could talk about.

Regulus.

Sirius had written letters every week to his little brother, never getting a reply, until one day he just decided to stop. James hadn’t been sure what had caused the shift in his friend but he’d quickly figured out that it was likely because Sirius had been sorted into a house that wasn’t Slytherin, and his parents were punishing him by restricting contact between the two boys.

James loved being a wizard, but it wouldn’t be a lie if he said that he wished for Sirius to have been born in a muggle family instead of his shit family.

Not every member of his family is a piece of shit.

As if on cue, his mind supplied him with the memory of the first time he’d spoken to Regulus without Sirius around. The younger, and shorter, boy had been trying to get a book from a high shelf and when James had offered to help he’d told him off, only to change his mind a few moments later.

Their friendship had taken time, but James had been patient and could admit to himself that being considered Regulus’ friend was worth it. The younger Black brother was shy, and prickly, but had a softness to him that James knew few people ever had the privilege to see. James loved getting to sit with him behind the greenhouse or in the quidditch pitch, talking about their day or James telling Regulus about his mother’s culture and family. He could sit for hours and listen to Regulus talk about the stars and the muggle stories that accompanied them. They would huddle together, reading books James lifted from Remus, discussing the relationships and dynamics between the characters.

Regulus was special, and over time James had accepted that he would always want him in his life, that, like Sirius, Regulus had become a part of him. It was that knowledge that pushed him to make Regulus promise to try and reach out to his older brother, as well as planting the idea in Sirius’ head to try and reconcile their bond.

He’d hoped to bring them together.

However, two days in the break, his hopes had suffered a setback.

James had been abruptly woken up by the sound of the fireplace in his family’s den coming to life and, since he’d fallen asleep on a couch nearby, he got a front row seat to seeing Sirius rolling out of the hearth covered in soot and blood. It hadn’t taken him long to pull the other boy passed the gate and retrieve his parents, who had woken instantly once he’d mentioned the state Sirius was in.

James had been so scared as he watched his mother tend to Sirius’ wounds, her face pinched in concentration and fear as she cast spell after spell to stop the bleeding. His father had contacted the family solicitor as well as Dumbledore, both of whom had shown up within minutes of each other. Once the note pinned to Sirius was located, Dumbledore and his father had taken James aside and told him that they would do everything within their power to make sure Sirius remained with the Potters.

It hadn’t taken much apparently, since a few days later they’d been notified that Sirius was under the legal guardianship of the Potters, and James couldn’t remember being happier.

He’d only wished that Regulus had come with his brother.

Now, weeks later, he was curled up in his bed, the curtains around his bed open so he could hear the soft sound of Fleetwood Mac’s song ‘Gypsy’ while he enjoyed one of his favorite parts about being able to do magic when something caught his eye. He smoothed out the massive parchment that they had turned into a map of the grounds, plus some, watching the tiny dots that represented every person, ghost, and creature within that boundary move into their respective houses to beat curfew when he noticed that one dot had not moved.

Regulus was in the Astronomy tower.

Alone.

He watched the tiny dot for what felt like forever before it finally started to move, but James quickly realized that he wasn’t moving towards the dungeons, where the Slytherin common room was located. Confused, he tilted his head and followed him as he made his way passed the fifth and sixth floor, only to stop on the seventh and begin pacing in front of a portion of the wall.

What is he doing?

 James had started to unfold his legs so that he could get out of bed and grab his cloak to follow him but stopped abruptly as Regulus’ name disappeared from the map. Shocked and confused, he turned the map to look at the back as if he’d just show up there instead, shaking his head once he thought about how ridiculous that idea was.

He was startled out of his thoughts by the door to the dorm being thrown open so hard that it bounced off the wall, nearly hitting the person who open it in the face as they walked in.

“I didn’t do a damn thing, Remus!” Sirius shouted as he looked over his shoulder to someone behind him. “Not that I can think of a reason as to why that’s any of your business.”

“Lads-“ James tried to interrupt, only to be spoken over by a heated Remus as he stomped into the dorm after Sirius, glaring.

“Sirius, it looked like you were about to eat her face.” He snapped as he threw his bag down at the foot of his bed, and that alone gave James reason to worry. Moony never threw his books. He bent their spines within inches of their existence, but never threw them. 

James knew he needed to step between them before either of them said anything they might regret, but he hesitated for a moment, looking at the map one last time to see if Regulus had shown back up.

He hadn’t.

Well fuck.

With a sigh and a shake of his head, James jumped to his feet and went about calming his friends. The moon must be close again, otherwise he knew Remus would never let his emotions get the better of him like he was. Not that he and Sirius didn’t bicker, James knew that they probably rivaled old married couples with how often they were at each other’s throats, but Remus never went after Sirius for flirting, and James knew he wanted to.

James had figured out last year that Remus liked boys instead of girls, and while it didn’t change the way he felt about his friend, he wasn’t sure if Remus would appreciate him mentioning it before he was ready to talk to them about it.

In the meantime, James made sure that no one said anything degrading and made it known that he didn’t think it was bad or wrong, just how someone was. Not that he had any room to judge anyway, since he’d often admitted to himself that some of the blokes at Hogwarts were pretty attractive and had recently thought about what kissing one of them might be like.

He tried to be surprised when he thought about of a pair of steel-colored eyes accompanied the curiosity.

However, a fight between his best friends wasn’t the best time to ponder on those thoughts.

“Pads, Moony, come on, you’re better than this.” He held out his hands as he approached the two of them, pressing each palm into each of their chests. He could feel both of their chests heaving as their hearts pounded beneath his hands. “You really gonna let some bird get between your beautiful friendship?” He spoke to Sirius, knowing that Remus didn’t have a problem with whatever girl Sirius had been snogging. He was simply been jealous.

“Some bird is right.” Remus scoffed, his nose pinching in disgust as he glared at the boy across from him. “Did you even know her name, Black? Or was her tongue too distracting for you?”

“Come on, Lupin, it’s not like I just snog people without getting their name.” Sirius snapped back, waving his hands through the air, forcing James to lean his head back or risk getting slapped in the face. “I don’t understand why you’re so mad about this.”

“It’s disgusting.” The soft reply sounded like it had been pulled from the taller boy without his permission and when James spared a glance at him, he noticed that Remus looked flushed.  “I mean, you could at least keep your lips to yourself when you’re in public.”

“Come on, Moony, that’s not fair.” James sighed, and he knew he was right. The Gryffindor common room was the easiest place to have a snog, unless their partner wasn’t in the same house and then they had to get creative when it came to finding places to meet. 

He would know.

Sirius exhaled violently and shook his head, as if to clear it, and James grinned at him. “It’s alright, Prongs.” He looked up at Remus for a moment, his lips lifted into a smirk. “I’m sorry, Moony, I didn’t know you were such an innocent soul. I’ll be sure to keep my explorations of the opposite sex out of sight.” The moment the words left his mouth, Sirius turned and dumped himself onto his bed and proceeded to search for his stash of sweets.

James’ eyes slid closed at the mocking tone in his best friend’s voice and pushed against the chest he was still connected to in an effort to keep Remus from throttling the other boy.

Stevie Nyx’s singing about bright eyes and lightning strikes was the only sound in the room while Remus seemed to fight with himself, but James felt the moment the tension left his body and turned to see him still glaring at Sirius, but the anger was mostly gone. “I hope you get a decease and your dick falls off.” He whispered before also turning away to settle in for the night.

They hadn’t planned a prank for anytime soon so James knew that no one would be sneaking off into the night once he’d put the cloak away, and only gave the map one last cursory glance before putting it away.

His name didn’t appear until the next morning.

 

~

(January 31st  1976)

The feel of the wind in his face wasn’t something James ever thought he would be able to explain. He loved feeling the cold air on his skin and in his lungs as he flew at breakneck speeds through the air, twisting and turning on the broom between his thighs. He was fearless in the air. It felt like he and the air around him had an agreement. It wouldn’t let him be knocked off his broom, and he would appreciate the way it hide him from the world below.

Taking a deep breath, James brought his attention back to his fellow teammates as they whizzed back and forth across the pitch.

They’d been practicing for the better part of three weeks, and with their game against Slytherin a few days away, he thought they looked pretty good. Frank hadn’t let up on them at all to make for the week they’d missed and was currently going over passing techniques with Marlene and their third chaser, Robbie Davis.

Robbie was a bit taller than James, and while they had similar builds, James knew that he was definitely the better flyer. Robbie was a fourth year with the potential to be a great player, but still lacked the confidence to really go for it and push the limits of his skill, unlike James and Marlene.

Along with his fellow chasers, James saw the two beaters, Sirius and a slender black haired seventh year named Alice Prewitt. She was tall and muscular, with a pointed face and wicked grin. James knew firsthand that she was a ruthless player. She had no problem aiming bludgers just a tad too close to the opposing players and wouldn’t hesitate to defend her teammates with fists just as quickly as she would a wand.

Frank, their team Captain and keeper, made it his absolute goal in life to try and keep James and Sirius in line on the pitch. James knew that he often shouted at them during their matches, but since he was stuck protecting their hoops from the opposite team, his words often went unheard or ignored. Not that he would ever admit it out loud, but Frank was the first bloke he found attractive, and while his tiny crush had resolved itself over the years, he still found the man’s blue eyes and slightly shaggy brown hair distracting at the worst of times. It helped, James thought, that Frank was taller than he was, and knew that if he were to ever really want to pursue a relationship with another man that they would probably be on the shorter side.

The last member of their team was the seeker, Codie Jefferson, also a fourth year. A muggleborn witch with short cut brown hair and golden eyes. The smallest member of their team by far, she was barely taller than her broom, but James knew she was quick as lightening and never hesitated when she saw the little golden ball that won them the match fliting around like a humming bird. 

Slowly, almost lazily, James drifted towards the group and tried to pay attention, but found his mind and eyes wandering over the pitch.

The castle was massive as it sat, nestled, against the nearby mountains. It’s towers reaching high into the clouds, and even at the high he was resting on his broom he still couldn’t see the peeks. He could barely make out the balconies that peppered the side of the stone structure, but he knew they were there. The Owlery was probably the easiest the spot because of all the tiny specs flying in and out of the tower, and he wondered for a moment if his parents had sent him or Sirius anything.

Besides the castle sat the Black Lake, a massive expanse of water that seemed to go on forever. No one knew how deep it really was, but James had heard rumors that a clan of merpeople had made it their home centuries ago. The lake’s shore line was a favorite of students to walk and sit along during the warmer months in between classes when they had the time to lounge around on the grounds.

From where he hovered, James could see the Forbidden Forest behind the castle. He was always aware of where it was. Since he’d become an animagus, especially a stag, James always felt the pull of the forest, like it was beckoning him. The animals that lived in the trees had accepted him a long time ago and knew that he was who kept the werewolf that ran through its depths once a month in line.

They respected him.

And he did his absolute best to keep earning it.

The Quidditch Pitch was his favorite place, even though he loved running through the forest with Moony. The stands stood taller than some muggle buildings he’d seen in the magazines he’d looked through over the years and had the ability to house the entire school during a match. There were stands meant for each house. Red and gold stands stood off to one side, covered in the image of roaring lions that marked Gryffindor. Yellow and Black stands stood next to them, badgers covering them to show off Hufflepuff. Opposite of Gryffindor, far enough away for players to fly safely between them but close enough that he could hear the shouts and jeers that were shouted back and forth during games, were the green and black stands covered in snakes to represent Slytherin. Beside them were the blue and maroon stands with eagles painted all over to show off the Ravenclaw pride. Behind one set of hoops at the end of the field sat a pair of stands that housed the professors, the commentator and the scoreboard, while the last pair of stands was reserved for parents and scouts that were able to come see the matches.

James had seen scouts at games before but had never given it any thought about whether or not he would want to go pro after school, and since the break he’d found himself thinking about joining the Auror program more and more.

His parents always tried to keep him away from the dangers of the world, but it was one of the things that had drawn him to quidditch, and he loved it. He knew he was still too young to really think about the outside world when he still had a couple of years before he would have to face it, so he shook his head and pulled his focus back to his teammates.

“Alright, great practice everyone. Just a couple of notes.” Frank’s voice helped James focus, and he leaned forward on his broom to listen. “Our first game is this Saturday and it’s against Slytherin. We know they’re going to play dirty, but I don’t want any of you to fall for their tricks. We’re gonna to get a clean win on this match, alright?” He slid his eyes over to Sirius, and James snickered at the almost offended expression on his friend’s face before he simply shrugged and grinned. “So, I want Davis to stick to the basics. You’re good, kid, but you get flustered when you start trying to fly fancy. Keep it simple until you’ve gotten more comfortable. You’re weak on the left side, so be sure to keep that tight and guard it so their chasers can’t cause a fumble.” Robbie nodded, looking sheepish, and James gave his shoulder an encouraging shove while Frank moved on. “McKinnon, I want you to try and stay as close to center field as you can, but don’t worry if you can’t. We’ve got to make sure that someone is always in a position to stay open in case we need to pass the quaffle. I know that Avery is a bit of a nightmare in the air, but you shouldn’t have any problem staying away from him unless he’s put in some work over the summer.”

“Like that lazy piece of shit ever works.” Sirius muttered, causing their teammates to chuckle and Frank to sigh and shake his head. 

“Sirius, I need you and Alice to stay focused on keeping their beaters from killing anyone, and that means-“

“Sticking to defense.” Both Sirius and Alice stated simply with dead pan expression.

“Just once I want to purposefully send one of those lovely bouncing nightmares right into Fletch’s face.” Alice groaned, her lips puckering into a pout.

“Or take out one of Avery’s kneecaps.” Sirius suggested with a maniacal grin.

“I’d love to see Mulciber’s whole head kiss his body goodbye to be honest.” James piped up with nod, grinning as he lifted his hand to high face Sirius.

Frank rolled his eyes, and James felt a moment of pride when he saw the same expression his mother would make whenever she was exasperated with him.

“Moving on, James, I want you to be everywhere you can be.” The older boy told him. “I want you to float from position to position, but I want you to be smart about it. We don’t need to be the fanciest flyers to win, but we do need to keep them on the edge of their brooms. Carrow is going to put pressure on you, so be prepared for that.” James nodded, knowing exactly what Frank was asking him to do, keep up the pace of the match and put constant pressure on their chasers to cause them to make mistakes, all while trying to stay out their reach. “Good, now Jefferson, I need you to be high and constantly looking for the snitch. Ignore their seeker unless you’re absolutely sure he’s seen the snitch, we’ve lost too many players because they follow him into a dive they can’t get out of in time.”

Their huddle ended quickly and they flew once more around the pitch as a team, James and Sirius leading as they dipped and dove beneath one another like well-practiced dancers.

At one point, James let his body rest completely flat on the handle of his broom, his arms curled loosely around the wood without a care in the world while he used his thighs to dictate the direction in which he flew. He was never as completely comfortable anywhere else as he was on his broom.

“You good, Prongs?” Sirius asked from beside him.

“Hmm?” The sound left his lips as he turned his head to face his friend and he grinned. “Nothing like flying is there, Padfoot?”

“Nothing like it.” The other boy agreed and they flew in a comfortable silence until it was time to give up the pitch.

The moment they landed, James noticed a small group of green and black clad players making their way towards them, brooms in hand.

The Slytherin quidditch team.

Sliding his eyes over each player and stopping once he located the one he was looking for, James narrowed his gaze and focused on the younger Black brother.

Like the rest of his team, Regulus was dressed in his practice gear, which consisted of leather knee, shin and arm pads laced over a pair of black trousers and a green jumper. Each jumper had the Slytherin house symbol on the front and each player wore a pair of black goggles atop their heads. James noticed that Regulus was by far the shortest member of his team, and given that he was their seeker, it made sense. His thick curls had been pulled back away from his face, which gave James a clear view of the dark circles under his eyes and empty expression, the mask James had learned he used to hide himself away from the world.  

James felt his stomach clench as the thought pierced his mind and he gave his head a shake to clear it, trying to drive the interaction between Sirius and Mulciber earlier in the month playing through his mind.

Maybe something had happened last night.

“Clearing the pitch, Longbottom?” Fletch, their team Captain, a seventh year with blonde hair and permanent smirk. He was as tall as Frank, James noticed, but built like bulldog.

“It’s all yours, Fletch, we were just finishing up.” Frank nodded and motioned for his team to make their way towards the Gryffindor showers, physically pushing Sirius when he didn’t make a move to leave.

James stepped aside to let the team pass him, but felt his hand reach out to clasp Regulus’ bicep as he walked by, surprising himself. He looked down at the younger boy and felt his throat tighten at the sudden life in his steel gray eyes as they moved over his face.

Oh, how he’d missed those eyes.

When asked, years from that then, what set him on the path he’d chosen, James would pin point the moment their eyes met and he saw visions of galaxies and constellations. Within those gray depths, he saw a spark of relief mixed into a hurricane of panic and guilt. He saw Regulus’ eyes widen slightly, and his lips part as the torrent of emotions fought beneath the surface, and James had the thought that he looked like someone struggling to stay afloat when all they wanted to do was drown. The only thing he wanted to do in that moment was pull Regulus to shore so he could finally stop fighting. 

The younger boy’s face was closed a second later, replaced by his signature mask of cold indifference.

“You got a problem, Potter?” His voice was quiet, but James could hear the threat within his tone.

He shook his head for a moment, knowing that approaching the younger boy in public was against their unspoken rules, and bit down on his lower lip before meeting his gaze fearlessly. “I just wanted to thank you for what you did for Sirius.” He whispered, knowing that it wasn’t a conversation either of them would want people to hear. “And to make sure you were alright.”

He wasn’t surprised however, by the sudden tension that froze Regulus’ body as his eyes darted towards his teammates and back before his face contorted into a sneer. “I don’t have any idea what you’re on about, but I’m fine, so you don’t need to worry about me.”

“Reg-“

“Let it go, James, I’m fine.” Regulus pulled his arm away from James and stepped around him to follow his team, making it only a few steps before he sent a glance over his shoulder. “But I’m glad that he’s out of that house. He’ll be happier with you.” His voice was so soft that James wasn’t sure he heard him and before he could say anything, Regulus had already mounted his broom and joined his team high above the ground.

Regulus’ words played through his mind over and over again as he showered and joined Sirius on his way back into the castle, making their way towards the Great Hall to eat dinner. He remained silent as he listened to the others go on and on about how much he wanted to beat Slytherin Saturday, and James chuckled at how ridiculous Sirius sounded, but he couldn’t get passed what Regulus had said.

He was fine.

Well, that’s a lie.

He was glad that Sirius was living with James.

Less of a lie.

In the year he’d grown to know Regulus , James had seen him grow quiet with a faraway expression on his face as if he was suddenly somewhere else. In those moments, James couldn’t help but compare him to his older brother, who’d often get that look when he was reminded of something back home. It was usually accompanied by memories of the abuse James knew he’d suffered at the hands of his family.

James had countless hours pulling both brothers from the place within their minds that held nothing but nightmares, his need to protect them driving him. It was easy to pull Sirius back from the edge, all he had to do was blast David Bowie or ABBA and the other boy would instantly return with a smile and urge to dance.

Regulus was more difficult.

There were still places within him that James was unable to reach, so he’d often just found himself sitting silently beside him, silently waiting for Regulus to return to the present moment.

The incident on the train was pushed to the front of James’ mind and he felt his stomach clench once more when he remembered how the younger Black’s eyes had stayed on him for a moment longer than anyone else and he’d gotten the distinct feeling that Regulus had been pleading with him for something but had unable to figure out what. He’d known, based on Sirius’ attempt to grab Regulus, that something must have happened, but he wasn’t sure what it could have been.

Based on what he knew about him, Regulus had always been the perfectly behaved child in front of their parents. James knew that Sirius actively defied his parents every chance he got, and until the moment he’d read the note attached to Sirius’ robes, he had assumed Regulus had always obeyed them.

On the train, Regulus had acted like he wanted nothing to do with his brother, even calling him a blood-traitor, although James knew that Regulus couldn’t care less about that kind of thing. Furthermore, the note that had been left on Sirius when he’d been rolled into James’ family floo had confirmed that Regulus still cared for his brother. He recalled unfolding the piece of parchment and seeing the swirling script, so like Sirius’ that he’d choked, and read the words written in black ink.

None other than you must know how he found his way to you, especially him. He must not try to save me. I do not wish to be saved. He must not stay here or she will try again to finish what she started tonight.

The note hadn’t been signed, but James had known who sent it. Orion had never lifted a finger to help his eldest, and Walburga had likely been the one to injure him, and neither of whom Sirius cared enough about to try and save. That only left one person.

Regulus.

James needed to try and meet with him. He needed to see for himself if Regulus was really alright and try to get him to talk about the note he’d left.

As they entered the Hall, James’ thoughts were swept away as he saw students surrounding the Gryffindor table. He gave Sirius a side glance and the two of them sped up, coming to a stop as they reached the huddle of people crouched over what looked like a copy of the Daily Prophet, the title reading.

Break in or potential attack on Muggleborn Businesses in Diagon Alley?

“The fuck?” James tilted his head as he looked over the image on the front page depicting one of the shops in Diagon Alley being cleaned up after what looked like a break in. The massive front window looked like it had been smashed in and the word Mudblood had been painted on the stonework over the entrance.

“Fucking blood-purists.” The voice of Mary MacDonald snarled, drawing James’ and Sirius’ attention.

Mary, a muggleborn, sat beside Lily, her kinky curls pulled back into a messy bun atop her head and her dark skin flushed with anger as her chocolate brown eyes glared down at the paper. She’d shed her outer robes and tie, choosing to leave her button up open just enough to give a hint of skin. Her wand twirled around her fingers dangerously, and for a moment James felt like he might have to remind her that cursing fellow students was risk for expulsion.

“You would think that they’d understand that they aren’t the majority.” Lily shook her head as she opened the paper to read the article, her eyes roaming over the paper swiftly. “I mean, the ministry has proposed several laws that would allow more muggleborns better access to magical communities, right?” Her green eyes lifted to rest on James and he waited for his chest to tighten like it used to.

Nothing.

“Just because they’ve been proposed doesn’t mean anything.” Sirius reminded them as he made room for him and James to sit, shooing other students back to their own tables. “Until it’s been passed into law, there is still a chance someone with deep pockets could bribe the right person and get it denied.”

“What do you mean? That’s illegal!” Lily snapped with a glance towards Mary, whose expression had darkened.

“Legality doesn’t mean much when you have bottomless vaults.” Sirius shrugged, his nonchalant attitude causing both girls to deepen their glares. James gently elbowed the boy’s midsection and gave him a pointed looked before Sirius seemed to realize how insensitive he sounded. “Not that I would know anything about that personally.”

“Oh yes, I’m sure your family follow all the rules and never attempts to lobby only the laws that work in their favor at all.” Mary snapped as she got to her feet, grabbed her bag and stormed out in a rage.

Lily looked at Sirius with an expression that James could only assume meant to reassure him, but he knew the damage had been done. Both he and Sirius came from wealthy pureblood families.

The Potters had been known throughout all of India and southeast Asia as one of the most generous and charitable families going back generations since they would constantly host charity events that helped muggleborns adjust to their new reality. James’ father himself had created the hair potion Sleekeazy’s when he was a young man, which had added to his family’s vaults substantially.

The Blacks, in all actuality, were the most wealthy family in both wizarding and muggle Europe, and James knew that meant something to society. Sirius had grown up steeped in tradition and etiquette; learning multiple different languages, dancing, dueling and the basics of wandless magic from a young age.

If James’ family was wealthy, Sirius’ was on a whole other level, which meant that both could enact or stall political change. 

“I’m sure she didn’t mean that, Sirius, she’s just scared and hurt.” Lily whispered softly as she reached out to pat Sirius’ arm gently, a soft smile on her face. “She’ll be back to gossiping with you in no time.”

“I’d understand if she didn’t, Evans.” Sirius whispered softly, pulling a plate towards him in an attempt to eat. James knew that any time Sirius let himself feel the guilt that came with being a Black, he would go without eating or speaking until he was able to push it back.

He pulled his own plate towards him and gave his friend a soft, reassuring, smile as he started to eat, and James noticed that it only took a moment for Sirius to slowly start feeding himself.

Good.

He shouldn’t have to feel guilty for the beliefs of his family. It’s not like he could control them, or even agreed with them, but James knew that Mary had a right to be angry.

Hell, so was he.

A few minutes of relatively comfortable silence passed before their attention was abruptly pulled towards the doors to the entrance of the great hall and they, along with everyone else, turned to look.

Remus was lying in a heap in the middle of the isle, his bag and books surrounding him as he laid sprawled. James and Sirius were instantly on their feet and making their way towards their friend when they saw Snape crossing the threshold, his wand held out in front of him, glaring. James saw the moment Snape realized he was in full view of the Professors’ table as he slipped his wand back into its holster.

“Got lucky, Lupin.” He sneered darkly at the other boy as Remus got to his feet. ”Or should I say, Loony Lupin.”   

James felt his blood boil. Snape had always been greasy and confrontational, and pranking him was highly entertaining, but Remus could have been hurt if Snape had done more than simply pushed him off his feet.

“I see the lessons Avery and Mulciber have been giving you, Snivellus, are working, but I’d like to see you try that against someone less inclined to let you get away with it.” He snapped, his voice dripping with disgust as he let his eyes travel over the boy from top to bottom, like he would a bug.

“You think you can take me, Potter?” Snape’s eyes hardened and he took a step closer, puffing up his chest. He was slightly taller than James, but James knew he was faster and better with a wand, or fist.

“Don’t have to think, I know.”

“James, he’s not worth it.” Remus whispered softly as he clasped his elbow, and James let himself calm down before nodding and turning away from Snape, motioning for Sirius to do the same.

“Always at Lupin’s beck and call, Potter?” Snape chuckled darkly. “I wondered why you weren’t pestering Lily with your pathetic attempts to get her attention, but it seems like maybe it was a ride on Lupin’s dick that made you stop.”

James didn’t stop to think that he might get detention before he swung around and landed a punch to Snape’s nose, ignoring the protests of the people are them as he kept hitting him over and over, only stopping when he was forcefully pulled away from the bleeding boy by an invisible force.

Confused, he twisted his head to look around, trying to see who had pulled him away from Snape, his heart hammering in his chest and his nostrils flaring in barely contained rage.

Finally, he saw Professor Dumbledore walking down the steps that led to the teachers table, his wand out and his eyes sparkling as they stared at James. His floor length robes brushed the stone as he walked, his braided bread hanging to his waist. The students in the hall were silent as the Headmaster approached the group, Professors Slughorn and McGonagall following close behind him.

“Miss Evans, if you would be so kind as to fetch Madam Pomfrey.” Dumbledore instructed softly, smiling at Lily as she swiftly got to her feet and left through the doors, glaring at James as she passed him.

Great, now he would have to hear about how violence wasn’t the answer the next time he saw her.

Well, he wasn’t going to apologize.

Dumbledore returned his attention to James with a slight tilt of his head. “Now, Mister Potter, I must remind you that violence against your fellow students is prohibited and punishable by expulsion.”

“Professor, it wasn’t James that started it!” Sirius nearly shouted, and James felt himself flinch at the volume. “Snape provoked him by attacking Remus first and made a…comment when we all turned our backs.”

“Is that true, Mister Lupin?”

“Um, well, yes Sir, but he didn’t really attack me.” Remus stammered slightly, flinching at the look on Sirius’ face at his contradiction. “I was walking through the corridor when I hit a slick spot on the floor and slid through the doors. I’m assuming that Snape cast some kind of spell, but it could have been for anyone.”

“I see, and what about the comment he made.”

James let out a heavy sigh. “He insinuated that Remus and I were…um..” He stopped, unable to voice what he meant without making it sound like he was disgusted at the idea of being with a bloke, when he really just didn’t want to do those things with someone he thought of like a brother.

Luckily, it seemed like Dumbledore knew what he meant, and his blue eyes flicked between the two of them for a moment before he let his lips curl into a warm smile.

“Horace, it would seem that once Mister Snape is up and able, detention would be called for.” He nodded towards the shorter round man standing to his left, and James felt himself relax as the spell keeping his in place was released. “Minerva I believe that Mister Potter is in your house so I shall leave his punishment to you.”

With that, the Headmaster turned and left the Great Hall, leaving them all silent and stunned for a moment before Professor McGonagall turned to James and sighed.

“Follow me, Potter.” She told him and walked through the door without checking to see if he would follow her as if she knew he would.

He did.

He walked behind her in silence, completely unapologetic for his actions. Snape deserved the punch to his face, and more, for making it seem like fancying blokes was such a horrible thing. James knew that it wasn’t common among muggles, but that didn’t make it wrong.

Didn’t make him wrong.

 So, he wasn’t going to apologize, and he would suffer whatever punishment McGonagall gave him with pride.

Once they reached McGonagall’s office, she pulled opened the door and motioned him inside. The office was warm and large, with several bookshelves along one wall, a globe that sat near a window that overlooked the quidditch field, and her desk that sat towards the back of the room with two chairs sitting in front of it and green leather office chair behind it.

Swiftly, she moved to sit behind her desk, gesturing with her hand for him to sit opposite from her, waiting until he did so before folding her hands on the surface of her desk.

“Mister Potter, I do not condone the use of violence by the members of my house.” She stated simply, her eyes stern as she looked at him through her glasses, and she held up a hand when he opened his mouth to speak. “That being said, it is commendable that you felt the need to jump to Mister Lupin’s defense.”

“Professor, I’m not sure what you mean.” He tilted his head as he spoke, unsure how much the observant woman before him knew, and unwilling to divulge his friend’s secret.

“I see many things in these hall, James, and I know my students very well.” She told him gently, her lips curling up to give him a matronly smile. “For example, I’ve noticed that you seem to have come to understand that Miss Evans isn’t a prize you must win, but a person with her own feelings.”

“Professor-“

“James, I don’t point that out to make you feel sorry for yourself, I merely wish for you know that if you need to talk about anything at all I am available.”

James sat for a moment, chewing his lower lip as he thought about everything he wanted to get off his chest, and after several moments he let out a heavy sigh and looked up at his favorite teacher.

“I just wish that people weren’t so hateful to those who are different.” He whispered. “Sirius’ family have political views that are terrible, and people still look at him like he agrees with them even though he makes it clear that he doesn’t. Remus is…well…his home life isn’t great, and if people ever found out he would sent somewhere without anyone to take care of him.” He lifted his eyes to see that McGonagall understood his meaning without him having to say anything directly and once she gave him a small nod, he continued. “Not to mention Mary and Lily, both of whom have to constantly play catch up because they weren’t raised in this world and it doesn’t help that there are people who literally wish they didn’t exist.”

By the time he was done talking, James’ chest was heaving with anger he hadn’t been aware he had.

“And yourself?”

James pulled his lower lip in between his teeth and looked down. “Snape wasn’t totally wrong, Professor, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I mean, mum and dad have always told me that love is love and that it doesn’t matter who someone loves.”

“James, have a biscuit and calm down.” McGonagall reached forward to open a circular jar off to the side of her desk. The blue and green jar was filled with small biscuits that were kept fresh by a stasis charm. James took one and grinned bashfully. “There you go, Potter. Now, I know the age you are now can make it seem like you have to figure everything out right now, but you still have plenty of time to learn about yourself, others, and the world.” She smiled warmly and James felt his face heat at the implications behind her words. “For now, however, I suggest that you leave the world’s problems to the adults. There will be plenty of them left when you leave here.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

By the time James made it back to the dorm, everyone was already settled in common room, either going over homework or simply enjoying the company of others. James felt exhausted, between quidditch practice and the adrenaline from punching Snape his body felt drained and heavy, so he made his way up to his bed and curled up in the middle.

His mind was racing over the events of the day and he kept getting stuck on the conversation he’d had with Regulus, as small as it was. The other boy’s eyes had gone from empty to full of fire in the span of a heartbeat and James hadn’t been sure why it made his chest and throat tighten to think about being on the receiving end of that look. His fingers could still remember how it felt to grip the other boy’s arm and his body gave a shudder. Regulus’ arm had been thin, so thin that his fingers had almost met around it, but he could feel the lean muscle hidden beneath his clothes.

James didn’t particularly want to analyze why he was thinking about his best mate’s younger brother the way he was, and instead decided to spend time watching the map.

It was Remus’ week to have it, and James knew it would be in his bedside table, so he swiftly retrieved it and crawled back into his bed before unfolding it. It only took moments for him to find the name that he was looking for, and unsurprisingly it was located in the Astronomy tower.

Alone.

Again.

If he hadn’t been so exhausted, James would have grabbed his cloak and made his way to the tower to see what Regulus was up, but it was already hard enough to keep his eyes open. The tiny dot began to move, after a few moments, but James found himself unable to follow it as he slipped to sleep, dreaming of a pair of gray eyes and pale skin.

Notes:

Ah! The sweetest of stags! James, dear heart, it's okay!

Okay, thought time!

I will die on the hill that James likes to just chill and listen to music as much as Remus and Sirius do, but his tastes are far more mellow. I heard 'Gypsy' and immediately thought of our boi. (Btw, *points at self* am Romani, so don't come for me.)

I am the parent friend of my group, which is probably why I relate to James, and you can't tell me that he wouldn't instantly try to keep Sirius and Remus from just killing each other over something as dumb as hormones.

James and Sirius being mildly chaotic when they're sharing the same air space. Honestly, we're going to see more of that and i can't wait. Like Frank is already 1000% done with them and the term is only getting started.

The interaction with Regulus! Ugh, that boy is smitten and concerned and is going through it! The Black brothers are gonna give him an aneurysm. Which, fair my guy.

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
I asked my partner when the teen boy rage hit and how hard and their response was 'early and very' so I give you James 'will throw a punch' Potter, and I love it so much. Hell, I'd hit Snape for less.

The running theme is fic is...you guessed it. Support systems! And James trusting McGonagall is step number 1, because let's face, everyone would trust Minnie.

I think that's all the thoughts I have for now, but I'm always willing to discuss more if you drop a comment. See ya next for the next chapter!

Chapter 4

Notes:

Hello again meh lovelies! Once again, thank you for the love for the last chapter.

This chapter is...heavy. We earn some of those tags this week, specifically the non-con/rape. I know, I'm sorry! Don't worry, it's not like an entire scene of brutal assault. It's a bit disassociated.

Cw:
Sexual assault
Compulsion
Body control
Sexual content

I think that might be it, but if I missed something, please let know.

Onward, to waffles.

Part I:

Chapter Four:  

“Remember to let her into your heart,

Then you can start to make it better.”

-Hey Jude, The Beatles.

February 1^st, 1976

 

For as much as Remus hated the moon, he loved being awake at night. When he was little, his father always tried to teach him to fear the night and everything that went bump in it, but the lesson never stuck.

After he was bitten, at five, he had even less reason to fear the dark nights since he was one of the most dangerous creatures that could creep within its depths, and that had only made his father angry.

His father was angry a lot, especially after he was bitten.

Lyall Lupin, a tall and imposing man with dark hair that matched his eyes had always seemed to tower above his son, leaving Remus feeling small and insignificant. Lyall worked for the ministry, creating laws that were meant to restrict dark creatures and their movements, specifically werewolves. Remus knew that early on in his father’s career he had been loud in his support of the complete destruction of werewolves and had blatantly accused an outspoken wolf of terrorizing families and building an army to overtake the ministry.

A few nights later, Fenrir Greyback broke into their family home and found a five-year-old Remus asleep in his reading nook, and Remus now carried a mouth shaped scar on his right hip as a souvenir of the encounter.

After that night, Remus and his mother, Hope, spent all of their time trying to find ways for him to cope with his lycanthropy. Remus could remember her spending hours upon hours looking through not only magical texts, but muggle folklore, trying to find something that would bring him comfort. 

His father, on the other hand, had built a tiny room in a cellar lined with the strongest metal he could find and warded it within an inch of Remus’ life. During his first full moon, Remus had heard his father on the other side of the warded door guarding the rest of the house from the tiny cub. He could remember how scared he felt as his skin began to tear and rip away only to be replaced by a layer of muddy brown fur.

He’d left that room with a broken leg and a gash across the back of his shoulders, but even the sight of him broken and bleeding hadn’t softened the expression on Lyall’s face and Remus knew that no matter he accomplished in life he was no longer his father’s son.  

It shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did, but Remus couldn’t really blame him. He knew that he was a monster in disguise, and it was only after he’d made the friends he made that he stopped viewing himself as such. At least on the good days. On the bad days, he could barely look at himself in the mirror, hating the skin that hid what he really was from the people around him.

The scars he gave himself for the first part of his life made it more obvious, and he tried not to let the stares get to him. He’d never been more grateful for his friends then the morning after he’d given himself the scar across his cheek and nose in third year. The wolf had been restless and angry and had taken it out on himself, and when he’d woken up he had the scar.

James, Sirius, and Peter hadn’t said anything about it, until weeks later when he finally exploded and yelled at them for something so small that he had trouble recalling it as he sat in the window seat of their dorm room listening to them sleep. He could recall their responses, however, and how they’d told him that a few scars didn’t change the way they saw him. Sirius had gone so far as to call him beautiful and strong, and it was at that moment that Remus realized that he liked boys instead of girls.

Specifically, Sirius Black.

Remus let out a heavy sigh at looked up at the almost full moon, listening as the Beatles record he’d put on earlier played the beginnings of ‘Hey Jude’. It would be completely full in a day or two, and he would still be recovering during the first quidditch match of the term.

He didn’t particularly care for the sport, but seeing Sirius fly always brought him a little joy. The way he spun and dove like he knew he wouldn’t fall always sent Remus into a bit of a panic, but at the same time his heart would pound and his mouth would water.

Sirius was beautiful.

That wasn’t to say that he didn’t watch James, he did, but Remus didn’t have the almost unbearable urge to find out what James tasted like or feel his hands on the muscles of his back and chest.

Remus shivered violently as he thought about what it might be like to feel the muscles of Sirius’ back under his fingers and gave his head a shake to try and clear away the images that were brought to the front of his mind.

In an effort to keep his thoughts from drifting in a direction that would likely rile him up, Remus lifted his eyes to look towards the stars, hoping to find the brightest star winking down at him, and listened to the Beatles softly sing about opening up to love.

It was only the sound of feet shuffling that let him know he wasn’t the only one awake, and with a curious glance over his shoulder, he felt his heart rate quicken.

Of course, it was Sirius.

Who else would it be?

It didn’t surprise Remus that Sirius was having trouble sleeping. Over the past couple of weeks, he’d woken up to Sirius crying out in his sleep more times than any of them could count. The first time it happened, it had taken all three of them to wake him up and it was only because Remus volunteered to stay with him that he agreed to try and go back to sleep. After their argument, however, James had stepped into his place as the source of Sirius’ comfort.

Remus refused to acknowledge why it agitated him.

Silently, he watched as the other boy made his way towards him and pulled his legs closer to his chest once Sirius started to sit on the window seat beside him, wincing slightly at the stiffness in his knee.

Sirius looked rumbled, and soft, in the moonlight, and Remus took a deep breath to calm the pounding heart against his ribcage. He’d never quite figured out what Sirius thought about people who were attracted to the same gender, and he didn’t fancy finding out because he couldn’t control the reactions of his body.

Sirius was his friend first and foremost, and he would be damned if something as trivial as his body cost him that friendship.

“You alright, Moons?” Sirius whispered softly once he was comfortable, his legs pulled up towards his chest and the back of his head against the window sill. Remus made a noncommittal noise in response as he continued to look out the window. “Remus?” The other boy’s tone pulled Remus’ eyes away from the view overlooking the lake to settle on the nervous looking teen beside him.

“Sirius.” He kept his voice low, even though both Peter and James slept like the dead, but he knew his tone sounded forced. He knew it shouldn’t, but the argument they’d had a few days before still made his jaw clench in frustration. Remus hadn’t even been angry at Sirius, not really. He’d been jealous and had taken it out on his friend.

Unfortunately for them both, he was far too stubborn to give in easily.

Sirius unfolded himself so that one knee was bent and the other laid straight out to rest his foot against Remus’ hip, his toes brushing the scar in a way that left Remus frozen.

“I’m sorry, Rem, for whatever I’ve done to make you look at me like that.” He spoke so softly that Remus was sure that the only reason he could hear the words leaving Sirius’ mouth was his heightened sense of hearing. The sound of the shortened version of his name made his spine tingle, knowing that it was only used between the two of them, making it special.

He tilted his head, studying the raven-haired boy across from him and trying to ignore how the touch of his foot felt very much like a caress. “And how am I looking at you?”

“Like McGonagall does when she catches me sleeping in class.” The reply came so quickly that it took Remus a moment to process it and once it did, he couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him. Almost immediately, he covered his mouth with his hand to muffle the sound, and saw Sirius smiling brightly as if someone had just given him the best Christmas present. “There you are, Rem, I’ve missed you.” He whispered, still grinning as Remus calmed down.

“You’ve seen me every day for almost a month, Siri.” Remus shook his head, grinning softly in exasperation, as he used his own special nickname and was rewarded by the soft look on his friend’s face.

“I feel like I’ve hardly seen you at all to be honest.”

Remus shrugged and tried not to think about why Sirius would feel that way, assuming he’d spent most of his time snogging members of the opposite sex. Just thinking about it for a moment brought back his melancholy mood. “I guess that’s what happens when you spend all your time locking lips with every girl who will have you.” He muttered, instantly regretting the hurt look on Sirius’s that the comment put there.

 Sirius sighed as he looked out the window, his foot rubbing Remus’ hip in a way that let Remus know he wasn’t even aware he was doing it. Sirius spent several silent moments chewing on his bottom lip, but Remus refused to give in. “You weren’t really disgusted were you?” He finally asked.

Remus shook his head with a heavy sigh, he should lie, he knew he should, but the idea of Sirius hiding himself away just because Remus didn’t want to experience something as petty as jealousy made him squirm. “No, Padfoot, I wasn’t. I just said that because…I don’t know.”

“I do.” Sirius replied simply, and Remus felt his entire body freeze as they stared at each other for a long moment. “You were jealous.”

Remus felt like he wasn’t breathing. He could feel his face flush at the idea that Sirius had known all along that he’d been jealous of the girl getting to know what it felt like to taste and touch him. To run her fingers through his hair and nip at his ears before outlining the lines of his neck with gentle lips that marked his pale skin to show everyone that he belonged to them and only them.  

“Jealous.” His voice sounded like he’d eaten glass as he spoke, but Sirius didn’t seem to notice since he grinned and nodded.

“Yeah, jealous.” Remus couldn’t help but hear the excitement in Sirius’ voice as he leaned forward and gestured wildly with his hands. “I mean, I know that I say I’m the best-looking bloke in this school, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t pretty good looking yourself.” He continued with a playful wink. “I’m sure that you’ll find a girl that would be willing to snog you mate.”

Oh.

Of course.

Remus shook his head and chuckled softly, closing his eyes in an effort to hide the relief and hurt he knew Sirius would see. He should be grateful that his best mate thought he was jealous of Sirius and not the girl he’d been kissing, but Remus couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed. Sirius wasn’t stupid, and Remus didn’t hide his emotions well enough to justify his actions. He was fairly certain James had figured out he fancied their friend, so it was surprisingly painful to realize Sirius hadn’t.

Not that he expected anything from Sirius, not at all. Remus was content to simply exist in the same space as the other boy. He knew that creatures like him weren’t meant for love like the kind Sirius had to give.

Still, it didn’t make the pain any less bearable.

“Yeah, mate, maybe.” He sighed and slowly got to his feet. “Let’s get some sleep, yeah?” With a groan he crawled into his bed, letting the mountain of blankets envelope him. He heard Sirius make his way to his own bed and whisper a soft goodnight but before he could respond Remus was already drifting to sleep.

 

~

(February 3^rd, 1976)

The week leading up to the night of the full moon always meant that Remus’ sense of hearing, sight, and smell were all far more sensitive than the average person.

That meant that he was privy to every conversation, every footstep and every intake of breath that took place within several hundred feet of him.

He could smell the roast beef that the elves in the kitchen were making for lunch, and the fruit pies for dessert that night.

It meant that very little escaped his line of sight, and he wished for nothing more than to go through his day with his eyes closed.

However, on the day itself, the stimulation would overwhelm his senses in a way that made him wish he could crawl into bed and wait until the last possible moment to go down to the infirmary. That was not to be, since he needed to at least try and finish the homework he been given before that night so that he could recover without worrying about falling behind.

Remus lifted his arms above his head in an attempt to stretch out his tight shoulder muscles let out a soft groan, looking around the Gryffindor common room.

Peter was playing, and winning, a game of chess against a sixth-year girl, who seemed to be giggling at whatever it was he was saying, and Remus shook his head at the lame pun that slipped from between the blonde boy’s lips.

At least he’s getting somewhere in the love department.

Next, his eyes drifted over to find Marlene, Mary, and Lily all whispering furiously while they shot him glances, and he felt himself squirm under the attention.

Trying to ignore the girlish giggles, he returned his attention to his Divination homework, hoping to finish it quickly. Divination wasn’t his worst subject, but it sure as hell wasn’t his best either, so he shook his head and tried to focus.

A moment later, he found himself surrounded by the three girls and let out a soft sigh. He knew he wouldn’t be able to escape, and if he were honest with himself, he wished he didn’t have to.

While he loved and respected all three girls, Remus knew that Mary and Marlene loved to gossip, and used him and Lily as soundboards when they wanted someone to listen. It didn’t bother Remus, most of the time he found their social commentary funny and insightful, but on the day of the full moon, he knew his patience was short-lived.

“Well hello there, Remus, fancy meeting you here.” Marlene grinned as she sat herself in a chair beside him.

“Yes, it’s awfully strange that I’m in my own common room.” He shook his head as he continued to do his homework.

“Aw, come on, Lupin, we want the dirt.” Mary giggled as she too sat beside him, her voice playful and mischievous, making him look up at her curiously.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He tilted his head.

“Lily overheard James and Sirius talking about a midnight conversation between the two of you.”

“We’re friends.” He snorted softly, shaking his head. “Of course, we have conversations at night.”

“Yeah, I don’t believe that.” Marlene chuckled softly, gesturing towards Lily. “I’ve seen how you two look at each other-

“Like we want to kill each other?”

“Nope, like you want to fuck one another into the closest surface.” Mary finished, causing not only Remus, but Lily as well, to turn beet red in embarrassment.

Remus snapped his eyes towards Mary and twisted his face into something that could be called disgust, and hoped they bought it. He didn’t want to risk anyone finding out about his attraction to members of the same sex, not yet anyway.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, McDonald.” He whispered, panic coursing through him. He thought he was being careful, that no one other James had clocked his attraction to men. Remus suddenly felt sick to his stomach.

He wasn’t ready to come out.

Not yet.

“Don’t you?”

“Marlene, Mary, come on, let him be.” Lily finally spoke up and Remus felt a moment of gratitude for the red-head. “It’s honestly not any of our business.”

Marlene and Mary seemed to take Lily’s logic into consideration for a moment before they nodded. A moment of silence passed before Mary leaned forward onto the table to catch Remus’ eyes.

“Tell us, Lupin, did Potter finally give up trying to win over Lily?” She asked, and Remus noticed the carefully hidden hope within her eyes.

He had no idea how to answer that question. Had he noticed that James hadn’t made some grand gesture to win Lily over since the end of their fourth year? Yes, he had, but he had no idea what it actually meant and there hadn’t been time to ask him about it between classes. He could probably try and do so while he was recovering, he’d certainly have the time, but the subject seemed taboo for some reason.

With a nonchalant shrug, he lowered his eyes back to the book in front of him and continued writing out the charts he’d been working on. “I don’t know, honestly. Anyway, why are you asking?” He snapped, looking up at Lily for a moment. He noticed that she looked somewhere between relieved and nervous. “I would have thought you’d be happy if he left you alone, you known, since you can’t stand him.”

Lily had the decency to look properly chastised at his harsh tone, and Remus felt the urge to push her for a moment. “I don’t hate him.” She muttered softly, chewing on her lower lip. “I just don’t fancy him, or blokes like him.”

“And how is he like, Evans?” Remus asked softly, feeling the wolf beneath his skin shift at the potential insult aimed towards one of its companions.

“He’s loud and arrogant. He doesn’t listen to the people around him, and he doesn’t know when to stop. Especially when it comes to Severus.” She told him in matter of fact tone, but he could see her cheeks darkening as she grew angry.

The fight between Snape and James had spread like wildfire in the days following it. James had received next to nothing in regards to punishment, a handful of points taken for fighting, while Snape had served detention for the horrible things he said. When Lily had seen James the following day, she’d ripped into him for hurting the Slytherin boy, stopping only once James said that he would try not resort to violence a second time.

Remus was betting that he wouldn’t even do that if they faced off again.

“News flash, we’re all terrible to Snape. He’s a piece of shit.” He snapped at her, rising to his feet. He was too tired for a conversation that required levels of maturity that he just didn’t have this close to the full moon. “If you’re going to have a problem with how James treats Snape, then be sure to have a problem with all of us.” Without taking his eyes off of her, he swept his book, scroll and quills into his bag and threw it over his shoulder. “As for your other problem, have you thought about taking James aside and actually telling him that you won’t ever fancy him and why? Because while you don’t see it, James Potter is one of the best listeners and would actually respect your wishes if you laid them out clearly instead of just insulting him constantly.”

“Remus we didn’t mean to upset you.” Marlene tried to reassure him, placing a hand on his arm.

He sighed softly and tried to calm his racing heart and cool his blood. “I know you didn’t, McKinnon. I’m just tired, and I don’t feel well. I think I’m going to go see Poppy.”

Making his escape before they had the chance to stop him, Remus wandered through the corridors until he reached the double doors that led to the infirmary. Without waiting, he pushed open one of the doors and made his way inside. There were still a few hours before he’d need to be escorted to the tunnel inside the Whomping Willow, but he knew Poppy would let him nap until it was time to leave if he asked her.

Once he stepped inside, he saw that the main infirmary was empty, and collapsed onto the bed closest to him, hoping he would feel slightly better after he’d slept.

It felt like only minutes had gone by when he was shaken awake by a pair of gentle hands attached to a warm face.

“Remus, dear, it’s time to go.” Madam Pomfrey told him softly as he blinked his eyes open, rubbing the sleep from them as he tried to sit up.

He nodded, still trying to process that he was awake, and followed her quickly out of the castle. They made their way across the open grounds towards the massive willow tree that stood taller than any other tree he’d see, and with a flick of her wand, it froze. The branches that shot out to grab or maim anything that came close to it hung in the air, the last bits sunlight peeking out between them and Remus made his way through the tunnel and into the shack he spent his moons hiding in.

Once he was well within the depths of the building, he heard the lock on the door tumble, letting him know that he was alone.

For now, anyway.

He had only minutes to wait before the sound of the lock tumbling a second time reached his ears, and he grinned in spite of the pain coursing through his body, his arms curling around his stomach as he tried to delay the inevitable. His eyes slammed shut as the door to the room opened and he heard the soft voices of his friends let out curses at the sight of him.

Remus knew how he looked, hunched over in pain, his face contorted as he fought against his very nature. His mouth open in a silent scream, the sound finally escaping as his back arched to take on a different shape. His bones cracked and broke, only to reshape themselves, and the last thing Remus, the boy, saw was the reassuring steel gaze of the beautiful black-haired boy.

The moment the wolf landed on his paws, he let out a soft howl in greeting, having seen the misfit animals that made up his pack. The scents surrounding him reassured him.

  Settled him.

  The stag stood just inside the door, looking down at him firmly, as if trying to convey that as long as he could behave they would let him go outside, and the wolf huffed with a shake of his head. He could behave.

  A tiny rat perched between the stag’s antlers, its tiny squeaks pulling his attention and the wolf felt the hunger that accompanied him settle in the back of his mind. The rat ran down the stag’s body to the floor and the wolf bounced around playfully, even as the rat rose onto its hind legs to sniff at him in greeting.

  The wolf lowered his head to reach for the rat, only to stop at the sound of a happy bark that pulled his attention towards the black dog behind him. The dog, while much smaller than the wolf, held no fear for him, and the wolf reveled in it.

  Turning his body to face the other canine, he lifted his head up and waited. Only a moment went by before the dog pranced forward and flopped down in front of him, rolling onto his back to show his soft belly in submission. The wolf let out a huff and lowered his head to nuzzle the soft flesh, the unique smell of pine and musk filling his nostrils as he inhaled deeply.

  The wolf understood. The dog was his.

  Before he could mark what was his, the sound of hooves tapping the floor pulled his attention away, and upon seeing the door open, he let out a soft howl before following the stag as they left.

  The open sky greeted the wolf and he yapped happily, feeling free. His dog raced passed him and the wolf was helpless to do anything other give chase, his need to play and wrestle the smaller being under him flooding his senses. And he would give chase for however long it took.

 

~

He knew better than to be standing out in the cold October air without his robes, Regulus silently cursed himself as he leaned against the railing along the Astronomy tower’s balcony. His arms encircled his stomach as he stood gazing up at the stars, finding the brightest star almost instantly, his hair falling in front of his eyes and his breath coming out in little bursts of white smoke as he tried to calm himself down.

“You’d call me an idiot if you could see me.” He whispered to the star with a sigh, wishing it wasn’t a star he was talking to.

He could wish, but he knew it was pointless, no matter what James had said.

Regulus knew that James hoped he and his brother could reconcile their differences and try to mend their relationship, but it hadn’t been likely to begin with.

It was near impossible now.

Since he’d sent Sirius through the floo, his world had changed, and not for the better.

Two days after had been filled with meeting after meeting with high ranking ministry officials and solicitors, as well as extended family members. Once his mother had realized that Sirius was gone, she’d ordered him to burn his brother’s name from the family tapestry to show his loyalty to her. He’d hesitated only a moment, but it had been enough for her to justify cursing him until he could barely stand.

He’d felt the effects of that curse for days.

Once Sirius’ name was nothing but a burnt black mark, Regulus had been named the Heir to the House of Black, and his mother decided that his instruction in the dark arts, which had been carried out the previous summer by both Lucius Malfoy and his cousin Bella, would be intensified.

For the rest of his holiday, he spent hours bouncing between the two of them.

Bella, he hadn’t minded. Sure, she was insane and should have admitted to the mind healer’s ward at St Mungo’s, but he knew how to turn her attention away from him. His mother had instructed Bella to teach him about the unforgivables, and she took her new job seriously, having him turn his wand on anything she could find. Regulus found out the hard way that if he hesitated she would turn hers on him.

He no longer hesitated.

His problem however, was Lucius. His mother had ordered Regulus to master potion making, and Lucius had been one of the best at Hogwarts when he was a student. The library at Malfoy manner was one of the most extensive collections Regulus had seen, next to his family’s, and even he had to admit that he could learn from the older man.

Learning wasn’t what Regulus had been worried about.

During the summer before, Lucius had conducted his lessons at Grimmauld Place, but with so many ministry officials coming in and out of the Black estate, his mother had suggested Lucius take Regulus to Malfoy manner.

He’d thought the predatory gazes and invasion of his personal space had been bad before.

It got so much worse once he was away from his parents.

The first time Regulus had gone to Malfoy manner Lucius had been relatively well behaved, but after only a few days or so that he started leaving lingering touches on Regulus’ shoulders and back. He would stand too close, or lean in too far, so that Regulus would have no choice but to either move away or be pressed up against him. The first few times it had happened, Regulus had moved away silently, but Lucius was undeterred and ended up trapping him against a potion’s table.

In those moments, the only thing he had wanted was James.

Regulus shook his head as he stood against the railing, stopping as movement down below caught his eye. Looking down at the expanse of the grounds, he saw three animals running towards the Forbidden Forest. And a memory from his first night back pushed forward in his mind.

He’d been standing on the Astronomy tower balcony when he’d heard the most haunting howl coming from the tree line, but when he’d looked he hadn’t seen anything.

Now, as he watched the small group of animals, two dogs and a massive stag, he let out a heavy sigh and silently hoped that their lives remained simple before he turned and made his way back inside.

He wouldn’t be returning to his dorm, he was expected elsewhere.

Silently, he made his way through the corridors, hugging the shadows as he made his way towards the seventh floor, pacing back and forth until the dark wooden door appeared opposite of him.

Slipping through the door, Regulus found himself in a massive room filled from bottom to top with what could only be described as junk. Piles and piles and piles of everything from furniture to stuffed animals, from books to broken toys and mismatched socks.

Carefully, so as to not disturb any of the precarious piles, he made his way through the room towards a tall, black, cabinet with gold lining and runes carved into the front of it. The cabinet stood at over ten feet tall, with double doors that were pulled open by ornate gold handles and big enough to fit a grown man.

The closer he got to it, the more Regulus struggled to breath, his chest heaving as his hands reached forward to grip one of the handles.

He knew what awaited him.

He didn’t want it.

He had no choice.

With a final exhale, he yanked open one of the doors and climbed inside, closing the door behind him, shutting himself in darkness for a moment. The inside of the cabinet was quiet, almost peaceful, as he stood and tried to collect himself for a moment before releasing his wand from its holster and pointing it at the floor of the cabinet.

“Harmonia Nectere Passus.”

Almost immediately the inside of the cabinet seemed to grown smaller, a tightening sensation taking hold of his belly as the darkness thickened around him, suffocating him. Regulus lifted a hand to clutch at his chest, trying to remember how to inhale, and squeezed his eyes closed. Somewhere in the back of his mind he reasoned that no matter how many times he’d travelled through the cabinet, he’d never get used to the feeling.

He’d rather use a bloody portkey.

No sooner had he reached the point where he feared he would pass out that the sensation vanished and he finally took in a deep gulp of air, hoping to take a moment before he had to step out. It was not to be, however, as not a second later the doors to the cabinet were pulled open and he was yanked out without preamble, causing him to stumble against a broad chest.

Regulus looked up at man gripping him and felt his body tensing, his face curling into an expression of disgust and defiance.

“None of that, pet.” Lucius chastised, and took Regulus’ chin between his thumb and forefinger, lifting his head so that he was forced to look him in the eye. “Come, we wouldn’t want to sit out of tomorrow’s match, now would we?”

Regulus clenched his jaw at the not so subtle threat and tried to relax his shoulders and spine.

“No.” His voice sounded like he’d been chewing on gravel.

“That’s my boy.”

Regulus remained silent, and after a moment he felt the tell-tale sign of Imperius Curse course over his body, his mind growing foggy as he stood in place, waiting.

He recognized the room around him as one of the many rooms within Malfoy manner. It was furnished with simple seating, a couple of recliners and settees, as well as a small shelf that held different types of whips and long thin rods that were used to bruise and cut skin. Lit torches cast the room into a dim light, the flames throwing shadows across the walls.

He watched as Lucius turned to walk towards a nearby chaise and lower himself onto it, his lips lifted into a satisfied smirk.

“Come here.” The older man’s voice compelled him, and Regulus had no choice but to step forward. “Stop.” He stopped, hating himself. “I want you to crawl on your hands and knees.” Somewhere in the back of his mind, Regulus knew he was being humiliated by Lucius, but the curse was too powerful for him to fight against it. Silently, he lowered himself onto his knees with an unnatural grace and leaned forward, putting his weight onto his palms, and crawled forward until he reached Lucius’ feet. “Up here, Pet.” The order was accompanied by the sound of a hand hitting a thigh and Regulus lifted his body to crawl into the lap as he was instructed. “Good boy, now I have guests that will be arriving any minute and I want you to entertain them in whatever ways they wish.”

Regulus never understood why Lucius felt the need to pretend that Regulus had a choice in the matter of what he would or wouldn’t do, but with the compulsion to obey coursing through his body and mind, he was unable to voice the thought.   

Of all the unforgivables, the Imperius Curse was the one he hated the most. The Cruciatus Curse, while painful, was just a form of torture, and if used for too long on a person could cause madness. The Killing Curse was pretty self-explanatory since it killed the person it was aimed at.

The Imperius, however, took away a person’s will power. It gave the caster complete control of their victim, giving them their own personal puppet for a period of time, and there were very few that could throw off such a curse.

Regulus was not one of them.

Not yet anyway.

Regulus let his mind stray away from what his body was doing or what was being done to it, choosing instead to think back on the interactions he’d had with his brother on the train and with James on the pitch.

He knew Sirius had seen the bruise on his neck, a souvenir from the night before at Malfoy manner, and he’d made a split-second decision to turn his hatred towards the man that put it there on his brother. He’d needed to give Sirius a reason to believe that Regulus hated him, and that had been what he’d come up with, even if he didn’t believe it.

James had been another matter altogether. When James had grabbed him, Regulus felt his stomach clench and his lungs tighten, but not in fear like he would have thought.

No, James’ touch hadn’t scared him, even if he had been retrained.

It had made him feel safe, if only for a moment.

Between the feel of the other boy’s hand on his arm, and the golden swirls in his eyes, Regulus had found himself getting lost in James, and that was dangerous for so many reasons.

Since the beginning of the term Regulus had managed to hold off meeting with the older boy, between classes and their respective busy schedules, he just hadn’t had the energy.

He knew that James wouldn’t let what happened over the holiday go, and would eventually come find him, and Regulus would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t wish he be curled up with him.

Regulus had come to terms with his attraction to the same sex by the time he was thirteen, and while he knew that he had no right to James, he often let himself imagine that the leering eyes above him were warm and golden instead of cold and green.

The fog that had clouded Regulus’ mind for the past few hours suddenly cleared as he felt a heavy hand grip the back of his head and slam his face forward to press down against a pubic bone, a thick cock slamming into the back of his throat over and over until he felt it pulse and shoot a hot and salty substance into his belly.

The hands holding him still pushed him away as they tucked themselves back into their robes, and Regulus felt his stomach heave at knowledge of what he’d just swallowed. His eyes lifted to glare at the men above him and saw the men that Lucius had invited were Tobias Nott and Antonin Dolohov, both well-known blood purists and proud members of some of the darkest circles in the wizarding world.

Tobias Nott, heir to one of the few family’s that could compete with his own in regards to wealth and knowledge of the dark arts, towered over most men and resembled a large bear. His stone colored skin made his brown hair appear black, and his bright green eyes stand out.

Antonin Dolohov, an older man from a well-known Russian family, was now reclining in a nearby chair, drinking an amber liquid out of a small tumbler while he greedily gazed at Regulus’ bare chest. His pitch-black eyes devoid of color, like his skin, and hidden behind a curtain of black waves that hung just over his forehead.

Both men wore loose robes over the tailored button up shirts and well-fitting trousers that signified their social status, and Regulus wanted to scream in the hopes that someone would hear him and come running.

While he kneeled before them, waiting to see if they had had their fill of him, Regulus felt the curse fall away completely. His mind became clearer and his body responded how he wanted it to, and after a moment he could feel his face contorting into a sneer.

“Gentlemen, I hope you’ve enjoyed yourselves tonight.” Lucius’ voice caused Regulus to flinch slightly, having been unaware that the man was as close as he was. “I’m afraid it’s time for my lovely pet to be off.”

“Aw, so soon, Malfoy?” Nott whined.

“Want him all for yourself, do ya?” Antonin smirked in a thick Russian accent, running his tongue over his teeth as he gazed at Regulus.

“I wish, my friend, but my little pet here has a match in the morning and I would hate for him to miss it.”

Regulus shivered as Lucius manhandled him back into the cabinet and sent him back to Hogwarts, the feeling remaining until he reached the relative safety of his bed.

Notes:

Oo Boy, that's a lot.

Okay, first, Remus pov! All of our boys have made an appearance at least once. In following chapters, I'll be adding multiple povs in a chapter. Anyway, Remus! You glorious bookworm. I love the whole midnight conversation between him and Sirius. Like it was good *chefs kiss* It basically wrote itself. Remus having a whole ass panic attack anytime Sirius touches him LOL sir, I feel that on so many levels.

I know the interaction with the girls was little touch and go, but I promise this is NOT a Lily bashing fic. I refuse, absolutely refuse to bash our clever girl and that includes Mary and Marlene. There are later scenes that give them more respect than this one, because let's face cranky Remus is not respectful.

In all the fics I've read, there are so few perspectives of the wolf when Remus transforms, and I wanted to explore that a little. He'll get more screen time I promise.

A Regulus pov!

okay, okay, LISTEN, I know! I KNOW! I don't like it anymore than you do, but its imperative to the plot. It. Is. Lucius is a terrible person, and I'm making it absolutely clear that he is not a redeemable character in this fic at least. Remember folks, Voldemort isn't the only villain here.

Reg might be a victim but he's a sassy one (much like myself). Literally thinking about another man while under a curse. Listen my guy, same. It's called disassociation, and we'll explore that in later chapters.

let me know what you think!

Until next week peeps.

Chapter 5

Notes:

Welcome back my lovelies! I hope that everyone had a good week? Once again, I wanna thank everyone who left kudos and comments, they really do make my day.

Oh my gawd, I am so excited to post this chapter! Up to this point it is one of my favorites. Not gonna lie tho, it's been a hot minute since I've written a fast paced scene like this one so if it seems...wobbly... thats on me.

Cws for this chapter:
mention of abusive (literally blink and you miss it)
Sports related injury
blood
threat of violence
fire/explosions
borderline internalized homophobia

I think that might be it, but if I missed something let know.

Onward! To waffles!

Part One:

Chapter Five

 

“Some legends are told,

Some turn to dust or to gold,

But you will remember me,

Remember me, for centuries.”

-Centuries, Fall Out Boy

 

February 3^rd ,1976

 

Showered and dressed in his quidditch gear, Regulus made his way up the stairs that led to the Great Hall. He adjusted the emerald green jumper and ran his fingers through his hair, knowing he would have to face an inquisition once he was seated with Barty and Evan. He hadn’t told them that he wouldn’t be returning until the early hours of the morning and knew that they would have been worried about him.

Before the term had started, Lucius had informed him that he would be expected to continue his ‘education in the dark arts’ by meeting with him at least three times a week via the sister to his vanishing cabinet that was located in the castle. He’d told Regulus how to find it and made sure that he knew what was at stake if he failed to show up. Which Regulus knew was a subtle threat to tell his mother that he was not preforming to her standards.

He knew no matter what he told her, his mother would think he was making excuses and punish him accordingly.

So, he kept his mouth shut.

Unfortunately, he still had dormmates that noticed when he went missing.

Barty and Evan, two of the boys that he’d shared a dorm with since they were eleven and the closest things he’d ever have to friends that his parents approved of, had caught him alone on the train and had seen the bruises on his neck and chest while he’d changed into his uniform. They had pushed and pushed until he told them that he was training in the dark arts because his parents had wanted him to be ready to be called up when it came to that.

They believed the lie, but only just, and he wasn’t looking forward to seeing their concerned faces during breakfast.

As soon as he walked in the hall, he made his way towards the Slytherin table and took his seat between Barty and Evan.

“Oi, Black, where were you last night?” Barty asked without mercy, the concerned tone of his voice matched his expression, his pale skin and blue eyes anxious as he looked at Regulus.

Barty Crouch Jr, a tall lanky boy with a chip the size of France on his shoulder and perfectly styled black hair, rested his arms on the table, giving him a side glance as if he was trying to gauge Regulus’ body language.

“Yeah, Reg, we were worried when you didn’t make it back by midnight.” Even muttered softly, his tone far more gentle than Barty’s. Evan Rosier stood just an inch or two taller than Regulus and could easily hide behind a lamp post. His bright green eyes and blonde hair gave him an angelic appearance, but Regulus knew that if pushed to it Evan was capable of violence.

“It’s fine, just a long night dueling.” He lied as he prepared a couple of slices of toast and a few pieces of bacon and sausage. He wasn’t hungry, but he knew he needed to put something in his stomach before the match and slowly began to munch the food down.

“Really, before a match? You’d think they would at least let you rest.” Evan shook his head in disbelief, returning to his own plate.

Regulus shrugged carelessly, hoping that the other two didn’t notice the stiffness in his movements. He needed to get to the pitch early so that he had enough time to stretch and warm up. "Not all of us have parents that would rather wait to see where the chips fall before deciding whether or not to support a cause, Ev." The words slipped out from behind his teeth before he had a chance to stop them and he flicked his eyes up to meet his friend's gaze in a silent apology. 

"Reg-" 

"Leave the man be, Rosier." Barty's voice cut through the somber tension that had fallen over the three of them as he threw an arm over Regulus' shoulders with a grin. "We can't risk our precious seeker getting distracted by some dumb fight over whose parents are the biggest dicks, which I would totally win by the way." 

Regulus glanced over towards Barty and felt a laugh bubble up from his throat at the obvious ploy to keep Evan and himself from fighting, but he pushed the urge down with a shake of his head before turning back to Evan. "I didn't mean it that way." 

"I know, Reg. I know." 

It didn’t take long for him to finish his breakfast, so he quickly stood and started to leave the hall when the sound of a familiar laugh caught his attention, causing him to look over his shoulder.

Regulus could see the Gryffindor table from where he stood by the doors and almost instantly his eyes found his brother, wearing his quidditch jumper, trousers, and boots. He had one arm thrown over a dark-skinned girl, a playful smirk on his face as he spoke, and Regulus felt his heart clench painfully at the carefree expression on his face.

Clearly, Sirius was recovering from the incident with their mother without a problem.

Heaving a sigh, Regulus looked away from Sirius only to find James staring at him, his golden eyes watching him curiously through his lenses, and Regulus felt that gaze like a touch. His spine straightened and he pulled himself together enough to don the mask he’d grown so accustomed to before turning and leaving without looking back, the feel of the other boy’s eyes making the muscle between his shoulders twitch.

He'd deal with James later.

He had a match to win.

 

~

The match started like any other, both teams squaring off while they waited for the quaffle to come into play, and Regulus found himself hovering high above the stands while he watched the field below, looking for the dash of gold that gave away the snitch’s position.

He’d always loved being in the air.

When he and Sirius were younger, they would spend hours flying around the grounds of the Black estate in southern France, pushing the limits of their skill and nerve. Sirius was bold and showy on his broom while Regulus preferred speed and accuracy. Not that Regulus couldn’t show off, he could, but he would rather use his brain on the pitch than get distracted by the people screaming his name.

Not that there were many.

Pulling his focus back to the match playing out below him, he studied the blurs of red and green that battled for dominance of the sky.

It didn’t take long for his eyes to track his brother, and for a moment Regulus let himself admire how fearless Sirius was on a broom, weaving between the other players effortlessly as he aimed bludgers towards the opposing team members. He would never admit that some of his happiest moments were playing against his brother, even when his house lost.

Almost as if he couldn’t help himself, Regulus found James easily. His unruly black hair making him easy to spot as he sped past the Slytherin chasers towards their hoops, carrying the quaffle as if he had been born specifically to do so.

Even from a distance, Regulus could see that James was a beautiful flyer.

The entire Gryffindor team flew beautifully to be honest.

Based on the commentary and the sound of screaming students, Regulus wasn’t alone in that sentiment.

“Looks like Potter passes the quaffle to McKinnon and she is looking for an opening!” The voice of the commentator, Mary McDonald -which could only meant that Lupin was ill since he was usually the one voicing the play by play- echoed through the stands and Regulus felt his lips curl up into a tiny smile as he watched the Gryffindor chaser weave between his teammates towards their goal posts. “She’s really flying, and it looks like it’s going to pay off- SCORE! TEN POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR!”

Regulus rolled his eyes at the obvious show of favoritism and adjusted his position so that he could keep an eye out for the snitch. But really, could they expect any different from a Gryffindor?

“Carrow has the quaffle now and he is making his way towards- Nope, the quaffle is stolen by Potter! That’s how it’s done! Carrow and Avery should really be taking notes.” Regulus, from his new perch near the Hufflepuff stands, turned his gaze down to watch the scene unfold below him.

James, laying near flat on his handle, with the quaffle tucked under his arm sped towards the Slytherin hoops, twisting and turning as chasers tried to intercept him. Regulus let himself watch, feeling his heart flutter, as James feinted to the right only to hurl the ball into the left hoop once Fletch had fallen for his play.

 “Another goal for the lions!” Mary’s voice was almost drowned out by the roar from the stands. “Did you see how tight that turn was? Potter has more skill in his pinkie finger than Carrow has in his- “

“Miss McDonald, kindly keep the commentary on the gameplay, please.” McGonagall’s voice, close to mic, echoed through the stands, drawing laughs from the spectators, and Regulus felt himself chuckle as he turned his head back and forth in his search for a blur of gold.

“Sorry, Profess- Oh, that was cheap Mulciber! Looks like you’ve been spending too time shagging Carrow’s sister instead of training-“

“Miss McDonald!”

“Anyway, looks like Sirius Black’s been working out in the off season with the way he shoots that bludger down the pitch.” McDonald’s voice softened as she spoke, and Regulus would be unsurprised if she forgot that she sat in front of a mic. “Hope it hits Mulciber in the head- Yes, Professor, I know, focus on the game.”

Regulus shook his head at the verbal antics and tried to focus on the sky around him instead of the match below but found himself continually noticing a certain Chaser as they wove through the air.

“Potter shoots and gets another goal! Cheers, mate!”

His search around the Hufflepuff stands came up empty.

“McKinnon takes it from Avery -go girl- and scores! Another goal for Gryffindor!”

It wasn’t near Ravenclaw’s either.

“Carrow has the quaffle, passes to Mulciber, who sends it down the field to Meadows -Probably the only bloody snake not currently cheating- and she scores! Ten points to Slytherin. Cheers, Meadows.”

Where was it?

 “Potter’s got another goal! Oi! Vanity, you’re supposed to send the bludgers away from the viewing boxes! It’s not my fault you can’t get your shit together -It’s true Professor.”

Regulus flew passed the Gryffindor stands, ignoring the taunts being shouted in his direction, and failed to see anything that resembled the snitch.

“Great save by Sirius Black, stopping a stray bludger from hitting McKinnon in the back of the head -Definitely a dirty play by Slytherin.”

Time passed, but he was unaware of it as his search for the snitch took him all over the pitch, and it was only after he’d noticed that the score had gone from 30 – 10 to 150 -130 that he turned his eyes once more to the game.

James and Sirius flew side by side, weaving in and out as if it was the most natural thing for them to do, like they had been playing beside one another for decades instead of only four years.

Stopping his broom, he watched as Sirius pulled one leg over his broom handle to turn and face the opposite direction, aiming a nearby bludger towards an incoming Meadows, nearly hitting her in the shoulder. Even from his position, Regulus could see the apologetic smile on his brother’s face as Meadows shouted at him. It wasn’t surprising that Sirius felt bad for sending a bludger towards the chaser, knowing that Dorcas was dating McKinnon.

While Dorcas was distracted by his brother, Regulus saw James pull up on his broom, flying at break neck speed towards the center hoop. Fletch, their keeper, flew up to cover the tallest hoop, only to change direction when he saw James twist his broom and aim for the lowest, stopping the quaffle with the bristles of his broom at the last moment.

He was too far away to hear the insults they traded back and forth before Fletch threw the quaffle down the pitch.

Regulus needed to catch the snitch if he wanted Slytherin to win, and he needed to do it fast.

Flattening himself onto his broom, he wove his way through the players on both teams, dodging players and bludgers, his eyes constantly moving.

“This game is getting out of hand. Both teams are fighting for victory, although one team seems perfectly content to fight dirty -Sorry, Professor, but did you that bludger nearly hit McKinnon in the head?” The commentary shook Regulus’ focus as he twisted to avoid colliding with one of the Gryffindor players. “Jefferson needs to catch the snitch if the Lions want to take home the win -Oi, Avery, only the beaters are supposed to hit the bludgers! Hooch, where’s the penalty?”

Regulus blocked out all the noise, sharpening his gaze as he looked everywhere for the snitch. He had drifted close to the ground when he saw a glint of gold shoot up through the colliding mass of green and red, and he had no choice to follow it.

Tightening his grip on his broom, Regulus shot up to follow the tiny flitting ball, the angle sharp enough that he had to tighten his thighs around the handle to keep from falling as he flew straight up. He kept the snitch within his sight as he flew closer and closer the wall of bodies high above him.

Regulus clung to his broom as the mass got closer, and he had a moment to choose to swerve around them or break through, risking injury.

“Looks like baby Black has spotted the snitch!” The voice filled the pitch with both excitement and dread, but Regulus refused to lose focus. “He’s flying straight up, that takes some skill and guts. He’s quickly approaching the pile up of chasers fighting over the quaffle, he’s gonna have to swerve or hit them!”

Break through it is.

Regulus pressed his chest and straitened his legs to cross his ankles, effectively hugging the handle of his broom in an effort to get as small as possible, hoping to fly up between two players tugging the quaffle between them.

He saw a patch of sunlight between one of the players arms and he aimed for it, increasing his speed far beyond anything that would be considered sane. A second later he was bursting between James and Amycus Carrow, the quaffle falling away from them, laughing as he heard the angry shouts from his teammate and the surprised exclamation from James.

He’d be hearing about that later.

The moment he was free from the undulating mass, he once again searched for the snitch, finding it high above him.

The world fell away from him as he climbed higher and higher, a smug grin plastered to his face as he got closer and closer to his goal. Above him, he saw a red blur racing him towards the golden ball, and he knew that he would have to fight for it.

The Gryffindor seeker was fast, almost as fast as he was, but Regulus was far more confident in his skill. He knew he could maneuver a broom better than most adults, and while he wasn’t usually one to show off, he wasn’t above it if the situation called for it.

The situation called for it.

Clenching his legs around the handle, Regulus spun his broom so that he was slightly in front of where the snitch was hovering. A moment later, his right hand released its hold on his broom as he rocketed towards his goal, reaching for it. He saw his opponent getting closer and knew that he would only have a moment before the other boy grabbed it instead, so with a final push of speed he shot up to wrap his fingers around the golden ball, nearly colliding with the other seeker as Regulus came up from below him.

A laugh burst from behind his lips as he continued to fly up until he finally leaned back on his broom. For a moment he hung, upside down, before pulling his legs over his head to bring his broom back beneath him, righting himself.

He gazed down at the little golden ball held between his fingers and felt his lungs expand for what felt like the first time. His lips widened into a smile as he slowly descended towards the rest of the players.

“Looks like baby Black caught the snitch! Looks like the first win of the term goes Slytherin, but as long as the Lions don’t loose against the Eagles they’ll still be contenders for the House Cup!” McDonald’s voice caused Regulus to look up from the snitch and he was surprised when he came face to face with James, who had a pleasantly surprised, and proud, look on his face.

Regulus couldn’t stop his grin from widening as he held up the snitch for the other boy to see.

“That was some impressive flying.” James grinned and Regulus felt his cheeks heat up at the praise.

“Thanks, Potter.” He answered with his own grin. “I’d apologize for making you drop the quaffle but I’d be lying.”

James opened his mouth to respond but Regulus’ attention was pulled away by the voice echoing across the pitch. “OI! Avery, the game is over! Put the bat down you blood wanker -Sorry Professor- Where is that headed? Baby Black, heads up!”

Regulus felt the impact to the back of his head, just below the base of his skull, and tried to blink away the black spots that overtook his vision as he fell forward, his eyes closing as his world went black.

 

~

It took less than a second for James to fly after the unconscious boy, his body responding by flattening against his broom handle and racing towards Regulus’ limp body as it plummeted towards the earth, trying to get under him.

James knew that the teachers had fail safes if a player fell from their broom, but something in him screamed at him to catch the falling boy before they had the opportunity to cast them. Whether it was because Regulus was his best mate’s little brother or something more primal, he didn’t know or question. The only thing he knew was that he needed to catch him.

It only took a moment for him to reach Regulus, his hands reaching out for him as James tightened his legs around his broom to steady himself. Catching someone while on a broom was beyond dangerous, but James didn’t hesitate, he knew he could do it. Trusting the grip his legs had on his broom, James rose up enough to wrap his arms around Regulus’ middle as they met in the air. The sudden extra weight at the front of his broom caused him to topple forward so that he was now pointed straight down, his arms gripping the other boy just under his arm pits.

James heard the snap of a shoulder and arched his back to try and pull Regulus atop his broom, twisting until he, himself clung to the underside. “Come on, come on, come one.” He muttered to himself as he heaved, the muscles in his shoulders and back straining painfully as he finally positioned Regulus where he needed him, and it was only then that he realized that they were in a tailspin, his broom spinning uncontrollably as they continued to dive.

Taking only a moment to readjust his grip so that his ankles were wrapped around Regulus’ calves, James tilted his head back and saw that they were rapidly approaching the ground, so with a silent prayer, he pulled his legs down, bringing the broom parallel with the ground below him.

Clinging to the underside the broom, James tucked his head against Regulus’ neck and tried to decrease the speed they were hurtling at when he heard a groan beside his ear.

Deciding that he needed to land before Regulus regained consciousness, James dropped his feet to connect with the grass of the pitch and felt his back connect with a thud as they violently skid to along the ground, his back bouncing painfully until they finally came to a stop.

James heard shouts from the stands around them, but the only thing he focused on was the feel of Regulus against his chest. Even with a broom handle between them, James could feel the other boy’s weight settle against him, and he had the sudden urge to wrap the smaller boy in his arms and protect him.

Letting his head drop to the ground beneath him, James adjusted his jostled glasses and studied the boy in his arms. Regulus looked so young, and peaceful, that James almost didn’t see the blood pooling at the base of his neck, the red liquid staining James’ skin and jumper as it ran down the younger boy’s body.

As carefully as he could, he adjusted his grip and sat up, the broom falling from between them, and cradled Regulus in his lap.

“Reg, come on.” His voice, even soft, sounded rough to his ears. As gently as he could manage, he ran his fingers through the blood -soaked curls, his fingers coming away red and James felt terror grip him. “You’re gonna be okay, just hold on. Please.”

James looked up and saw a mass of people running towards him, Sirius leading with a terrified expression on his face, Madam Pomfrey right behind him.

“Mister Potter, lay him down flat.” She snapped the moment she was close enough, and James complied quickly and carefully. Sirius slid up beside him, stopping at his brother’s head, and James saw that his hands were shaking as they reached for his unconscious brother. Madam Pomfrey knelt on the ground opposite from James, pulling out her wand and casting several spells in quick secession, and the image of Regulus’ skeletal, nervous, and circulatory systems hovered above him. James watched, amazed, as the mediwitch’s eyes moved over the image until she found the injury he’d sustained. “There, he’s got a fracture at the bottom of his skull. It’s bleeding into his brain.” She pointed out the injury and James felt his stomach drop, his eyes flicking up to see Sirius pale and wide-eyed.

“Poppy?” He asked, his voice quiet as he eyes drifted away from Sirius to gaze at Regulus’ face, and James felt his heart pound violently behind his ribs at the sight of his ashen skin. “Can you fix it?”  

Madam Pomfrey’s face tightened as she continued to watch the diagnosis spell she’d cast, her eyes widening slightly.

“I don’t have time to move him.” She muttered, and James wondered if she was actually speaking to them or herself. A moment later, she turned and pointed her wand towards the castle, twisting her wrist as she did so and holding out her other hand. Before James could ask what she was doing, a large black leather bag flew into her waiting hand and she began unpacking vile after vile of different potions.

James and Sirius were swiftly pushed aside as other Professors moved to assist Madam Pomfrey and James couldn’t think of a time where he’d ever felt so useless. Sirius stood beside him with James’ arms wrapped around his stomach, his eyes never leaving his brother’s face, and James found he couldn’t do anything but hold him back.

He couldn’t tell which of them was shaking more.

It felt like an eternity went by before the group of adults surrounding Regulus fell back and gave Madam Pomfrey the room she needed to levitate him back to the castle, and even then, James noticed that she was almost running.

He felt Sirius stiffen against him as the pair moved out of their sight, and a moment later he saw why.

Avery had walked into their line of sight and looking at the boy James felt a darkness rise up in him that called for his blood. His fingers itched to tighten around Avery’s throat as he watched the terror cloud the boy’s eyes. James wanted, no needed to feel the life drain from Avery’s body.

It scared him.

For a moment.

He didn’t register that he’d moved until he was standing toe to toe with the boy that had sent the bludger flying, his fists gripping the front of Avery’s jumper.

“What the fuck, Potter?” Avery shrieked, his hands coming up to fight against James’ hold.

“You’re gonna pay for that.” James didn’t recognize the deep growl coming out of him, and he didn’t have the inclination to question it as he leaned his head forward into Avery’s space.

“Oh yeah, what are ya going to do, Potter, huh?” Avery sneered, pushing against James’ chest. “You gonna risk your spot over a little injury?”

James opened his mouth to tell Avery just what he was willing to risk, but before he could push out the words, the two of them were separated by a force they couldn’t see, and James was unsurprised to see McGonagall pointing her wand at them.

“Mister Potter, do I need to give you detention for fighting? Again.” She sighed and lowered her wand. James felt his body relax as the magic holding him released as he continued to glare at the boy standing across from him. “Enough of this, escort Mister Black to hospital wing.”

James glared at Avery for a moment longer before he turned and grabbed Sirius, turning towards the castle. They’d only taken a couple of steps when he’d heard McGonagall speak once more. “Fifty points from Slytherin for unsportsmanlike conduct after the whistle.” And he couldn’t help the grin that spread over his face. It was less than what they deserved, but he would take care of that later.

The trek to the hospital wing was slow and silent, and James felt like his heart was going to leap out of his chest once they were within sight of the doors. They didn’t knock, choosing instead to just walk in, and were instantly met by the metallic smell of blood.

James shook his head at the overwhelming odor, remembering at the last moment that the full moon had been the night before and Remus had been bleeding heavily from a wound on his leg. The evidence of an encounter between them and a wayward group of pixies that had no problem antagonizing the werewolf into biting his own leg when one of them landed there.

Regulus’ bed wasn’t hard to find, since Madam Pomfrey was standing over him with her wand out. She appeared to be casting more spells, her brow pinched in concentration, and James felt a shiver course down his spine.

If she was still working on him, then Regulus was not okay.

Sirius moved to stand by his brother’s bed, and James wandered over to the bed he knew Remus would be occupying. As much as he wanted nothing more than to check on the younger Black brother, he knew Sirius needed a few minutes alone with him.

Pushing the curtain around Remus’ bed open, James was surprised to see his friend wide awake and looking curiously past James.

He must have heard the commotion.

Dropping himself into a chair beside Remus’ bed, James ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, pulling his glasses off to wipe the lenses off with the edge of his jumper. “Regulus was hit in the back of the head with a bludger.” He whispered, keeping his eyes down so that Remus wouldn’t see how upset he really was. “Looked pretty bad, Poppy couldn’t move him from the pitch until she’d pumped him full of potions.”

“How’s Sirius?”

James wasn’t surprised that it was the first thing out of Remus’ mouth, they all knew how complicated the Black brothers’ relationship was and how much Sirius still loved his little brother despite their problems.

“He’s-“

James was interrupted by the sound of the hospital doors banging open with enough force for them to bounce off the walls, and he stuck his head out from behind the curtain, placing his glasses atop his nose so he could see clearly.

The sight of Walburga and Orion Black walking into the hospital was enough to send a shiver of both fear and anger down James’ spine and he glanced at Remus for before getting to his feet in preparation of the confrontation he was sure to come.

Seeing the monarchs of the Black family had always left a bad taste in James’ mouth, knowing what they were like behind closed doors, and after Christmas the feeling had become so much worse. He glared at Walburga’s pointed face, so like her sons’, and wanted nothing more than to pull out his wand and hex her into oblivion.

The pair stopped a few feet from Regulus’ bed and James inhaled sharply once he saw that they were glaring down at their oldest, Walburga’s hands clenched into fists as she folded them in front of her. Orion’s face looked blank, like he could care less that one of his sons was injured and the other nearly comatose.

“Is there anyone competent in this god-forsaken school that can explain to me how this was allowed to happen?” James nearly flinched at the sound of Walburga’s sharp tone, the sound cutting into him, and he saw Sirius’ shoulders drop.

Madam Pomfrey finally straightened her back and met Walburga’s gaze fearlessly, her hand gesturing to Regulus. “There was an incident on the pitch, and Regulus was hit by a bludger. He sustained a severe fracture to the base of his skull, and bleeding to his brain, both of which have been treated with a skeligrow and a reduction potion to keep the swelling down. The bleeding should stop over the next few hours.”

“Am I to believe that you are capable of taking care of such intricate injuries?” Walburga snapped, her voice reaching in James and pulling him apart. He chanced a glance towards Sirius and saw that he had not looked away from his brother, but his shoulders were curled up to his ears.

Madam Pomfrey pulled herself up to her full height, and while Walburga was several inches taller, the mediwitch did not appear intimidated. “If you remember, Walburga, it was I that helped you with both of your deliveries while I was an intern at St Mungo’s, so I would not question my abilities if I were you.”

James had new found respect for Poppy.

Orion walked forward to stand beside the bed, looking down at Regulus, but James could have sworn that his eyes flickered towards Sirius for a moment as if taking in the sight of him. “How long will it take for him to recover?” James watched the man’s deep voice wash over Sirius as he snapped his eyes up to meet his father’s, and James had no choice but to stand beside him in silent comfort.

He knew that Sirius hated his mother, but he had only ever viewed his father as a soft-hearted coward and it had been much harder to hate him.

“The fracture is already mending, but the bleeding and swelling will take several hours to stop completely.” Madam Pomfrey spoke, turning her gaze back to her diagnostic charms. “After that it will just be a matter of making sure he gets plenty of rest, no flying for a week or two I would say.”

James felt Sirius sag against him at the news and felt a knot in his chest release at the knowledge that Regulus would be alright. 

“I believe it is against policy to divulge medical information in front of anyone that is outside of family in instances of injury, Madam Pomfrey, is it not?” James and Sirius both snapped their heads up to glare at Walburga, her eyes pinning Sirius with a deadly glare. “I would expect that these students have other things to be attending to than matters that are not their business.”

“You heartless bitch.” Sirius’ voice sounded colder than James had ever heard it, and for a moment he was scared of what his best friend might do. He was surprised, however, when Sirius simply straightened his spine and glared at the woman in front of them. “Regulus is more my son than he is yours-”

“Regulus is a Black, which is more than what I can for you.” Sirius flinched at the reminder that he had been disowned, but the glare remained in place. “Now leave. I would like to discuss the treatment of my son during his recovery.”

James could feel the rage coming off Sirius, and while he wanted nothing more than to stay and see Sirius rip her a new one, he knew it wouldn’t end well for them, so he gently tugged on Sirius’ sleeve and directed him out of the hospital towards their common room.

 

~

By the time Sirius and James reached the portrait that led to the Gryffindor common room, Sirius had calmed down enough that he managed to keep from snapping at the Fat Lady when she asked for the password.

Running his fingers through his hair, Sirius trudged through the tunnel and made his way to the fireplace on the opposite side of the common room, collapsing into a large recliner close to the hearth.

The image of his little brother plummeting through the air kept playing in his mind and he leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, dropping his head into his hands.

It was his fault.

He’d heard Avery make a comment about Marlene and her muggle family and couldn’t resist telling the bully of a man what better uses his mouth had other than being a prat. Avery hadn’t taken the suggestion too well and grabbed Vanity's bat from them to hit a nearby bludger, sending said bludger hurtling towards him.

It had missed, flying over his head and behind him.

He hadn’t even looked to see where it was going until he heard Mary shout out a warning before it hit Regulus. The sound of the heavy ball connecting with his little brother’s skull would be forever imprinted in his memory, the echo of the impact encompassing the pitch still ringing in his ears. 

Sirius felt a shiver travel over his spine at the memory of his brother’s limp body tumbling through the air, knowing he was too far away to do anything to help.

He’d been frozen, petrified by terror as he watched Regulus fall.  

It wasn’t until he saw James pull Regulus onto his broom that he felt like he could take a breath, and even then the fear hadn’t gone away as he watched his best mate and brother spiral out of control. Sirius knew how talented a flyer James was, but the incident with Regulus just solidified that he would picked up by a professional team once they graduated.

He owed James so much, but after the encounter with his parents, Sirius couldn’t find the energy to put his gratitude into words, so he just remained in front of the fireplace.

Sometime later -whether it was minutes or hours, Sirius didn’t know- he heard some of the younger students filing upstairs for bed and shook himself out of the stupor he’d fallen into.

Turning his eyes away from the flames that had captured his attention, Sirius saw James, Peter, and Remus emerging from the tunnel that led out into the hall. He felt his lips turn downward at the limp Remus was sporting, and he tilted his head in question.

“Moons, alright mate?” He asked, his voice hoarse from hours of disuse.

Remus limped closer and carefully lowered himself onto the couch beside the recliner Sirius currently occupied and nodded.

“Yeah, Pads, I’m alright, just a sore leg is all.” Remus sighed, leaning his head back against the cushion, and Sirius wanted nothing more than to lay the other boy’s head in his lap and run his fingers through his hair to help him relax. “Didn’t leave the infirmary until late because Poppy wanted to make sure this damn bite wasn’t going to get infected.”

Sirius pulled his lower lip in between his teeth and held the question that threatened to burst out from between them back as he watched James and Peter join them. He was surprised, however, when he returned his gaze to Remus and saw the boy already watching him with a worried expression. Releasing a heavy sigh, Sirius ran his hand over his face. “How…how was he?”

“He was awake when I left, Pads.” The information washed over him, and Sirius felt a knot deep within his chest loosen at the knowledge that his brother had regained consciousness. “Poppy said that he would stay there for a couple of days to make sure there weren’t any complications but will have a full recovery.”

“Thank you.” Sirius whispered, his body heavy from the emotional turmoil. “How long were my- were Walburga and Orion there?”

“They left a few minutes after us, apparently.” James shook his head his as he spoke, his jaw clenched, and Sirius knew that was James’ was holding back a wave of anger.

He’d been angry that afternoon. More so than Sirius could ever remember seeing him. Anger and James didn’t go together in his mind. James was laughter and compassion and mischief and all things good. Even during the fight with Snape James was in control of himself, as far as Sirius could tell anyway. He didn’t get angry like that.

Not until that afternoon, anyway.

Sirius thought back to the moment Poppy and Regulus had been out of sight, and the look on James’ face when he’d held Avery by the collar. For a moment, Sirius had been afraid his best mate was going to lay the other boy out. Make no mistake, he would have joined in without hesitation, but it was so out of character for James.

“I meant to thank you earlier, but with everything going on, I didn’t get a chance.” Sirius nodded at James, who tilted his head in question. “For saving Reg like that, I mean. You didn’t have to do it, but I’m so glad you did.”

“Yes, I did.” James told him forcefully, his eyes sharp and dark, and Sirius tilted his head in curiosity.

“Prongs?”

The sound of Peter’s voice seemed the snap James out of whatever he’d been thinking and he shook his head. “He’s your little brother, Pads, of course I did.”

Sirius lifted a brow slightly at his friend for a moment before nodding at him once in thanks, deciding to leave it.

For now.

“Can you believe that McGonagall only took points away? Not even a detention.” Peter shook his head, bringing Sirius’ attention to the smaller blonde boy and he felt his lips curl into a smirk.

“What do you say we take care of them?” James spoke as Sirius met his gaze, and Sirius had a moment to silently thank whatever deity was listening that James was his brother.

“Bloody hell, about time.” Peter grinned as he leaned forward in anticipation.

Sirius threw his head back and laughed manically, giving in to his urge for payback. Since the four of them had become friends, they’d pulled some seriously legendary pranks.

“We need come up with something that is going to really humiliate them.” James agreed with a matching grin.

“Not tonight anyway.” Remus shook his head, grinning. “Come on, lads, let’s get something from the kitchens. I haven’t had anything worth a damn since yesterday morning.”

The four of them chuckled, agreeing to put a pin in their idea for payback. Sirius hooked an arm under Remus’ armpit and helped him to his feet, struggling slightly from the height difference as they slowly made their way up the stairs and into their dorm while James and Peter snuck into the kitchens.

Once they entered the dorm, Sirius deposited the exhausted boy into his bed, curling one of the blankets his mom had knit for him over Remus’ legs and placing a book within arms distance.

“Here you are, Rem.” He smiled as Remus adjusted himself under the blanket. “Thought you might want a book to read before you fall asleep.” He added softly.

Remus smiled up at him and Sirius wanted nothing more than to make sure that smile never left his face.

The silence between them stretched until Sirius knew that it would get awkward if he didn’t move or speak, so he gave Remus a soft smirk before turning and taking a seat at the window.

The sky had grown dark, the stars peeking out from behind the wispy clouds that peppered the sky and he heaved a sigh at the sudden exhaustion he felt in his limbs.

“He’ll be alright, Pads, you know that right?” Remus’ whispered question filled the space and Sirius turned to look at the boy. “Regulus, I mean. You know he’ll be alright.”

“Yeah, Rem, I know.” He sighed in reply, lifting his legs up onto the window seat and draping his arm over a knee. “I just worry about him, you know.” Turning his head to look out at the sky once more, he chewed on his lower lip for a moment. “He’s always been quiet and reserved. When our parents would call him weak, he would go weeks without talking. It was like he wanted nothing more than to disappear, and that was fine, because I could protect him.” Sirius felt his chest tighten, knowing that he was no longer able to do so. “I thought that even though I wasn’t in that house, I could still make sure he was okay, ya know?” He sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I just wish I could remember what happened that night.” He muttered to himself, knowing that his friend’s heightened sense of hearing would pick up the statement anyway.

“Based on what James has said, you were pretty messed up.” Remus told him, and Sirius tried to ignore how thick the other boy’s voice sounded. “Honestly, it sounds like a miracle that you made it to the Potter’s.”

“Should have gone back for him.” He whispered.

He heard a shuffling sound, like blankets moving around, and moment later he heard Remus stumbling towards him. Turning his head to face the other boy, Sirius shot to his feet as he saw Remus lose his balance, tripping forward to land against Sirius’ chest.

“You could have been killed, Siri, if you had gone back.” Remus was shaking and Sirius could hear it in his voice, prompting his arms to tighten around the trembling body against him. “She would have killed you.” 

“Hey now, it would have taken more than Walburga’s bad temper to take me out, Rem.” He chuckled against Remus’ hair, hoping to calm him. His joke fell flat, however, as Remus’ trembling became worse. Concerned, Sirius leaned his head back far enough to look down into Remus’ eyes. “Hey, look at me- Rem, look at me.” After another moment, Remus met his gaze and Sirius gave him a reassuring smile. “Its okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

Remus opened his mouth, and Sirius’ eyes dropped down to his lips for a moment before snapping his gaze back up at the sound of the door to their dorm opening as James and Peter marched in with arms full of sweets and snacks.

“I’m tellin ya, Prongs, Mrs. Norris is an animagus just like us.” Peter’s voice sounded breathless as he backed into the room, and Sirius adjusted himself so that he was no longer pressed against Remus. “I saw her in the hall the other day and I could have sworn she knew who I was.”

“Pete, I hate to break it to you, but you’re a rat. Of course, she’s going to focus on you.” James laughed as he followed the smaller boy into the room, his eyes lifting to study the two of them for a moment before continuing the conversation he’d been having with Peter.

Sirius had never been more grateful for James Fleamont Potter than in that moment. He knew what it would look like for anyone to see him and Remus embracing the way they were, even if it was just in comfort, and he didn’t want to be the cause of a new spread rumor through the castle.

He was reminded of his gratitude towards James the next day while the two of them were lounging in the common room while Peter and Remus were at their study group in the library.

Sitting by the common room window, Sirius watched as thunder and lightning rolled across the sky as he read one of the letters he’d gotten in the post that morning. He’d received a letter from Effie asking how the term was going, if he was doing well in his classes and refraining from being a general menace. However, the letter he was currently reading was from his Uncle Alphard, whom he’d starting talking to earlier in the school year. His Uncle lived in southern France, and during their written conversations Sirius had learned that his Uncle was everything the rest of their family was not.

Alphard had stepped away from his official role in the family before Sirius was born and had begun reaching out to him when Andromeda had been thrown out of the Black family for choosing to marry a muggle.

Returning his attention to the letter in his hands, he chuckled as his Uncle complained about how his busy schedule was keeping him from going out on his motorcycle.

“You alright over there, Pads?” James called from across the room, where he was thumbing through a quidditch magazine.

Sirius turned away from the letter to watch his best friend for a moment, seeing the restless look in his eyes, before turning his lips up into a grin, unsurprised when James returned it with one of his own, his bright eyes shining behind his glasses.

“I’m a bit bored of this dreary weather, Prongs. It makes me downright depressed.” He responded, putting the letter back in the envelope so that he could finish reading it later.

James, upon hearing his tone, jumped off his perch on the couch and came to stand in front of Sirius with an excited bounce in his step.

“Oh yeah, Pads, and what shall we have to do to rid you of such a thing?” He chuckled.

Sirius got to his feet and motioned for James to follow him up to their dorm, retrieving the map from his bedside table. Tapping his wand against it, he murmured the phrase, “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,” and watched the layout of the castle and grounds appear in ink. Swiftly, he moved his eyes across the surface, searching for a name, and after a moment he found what he was looking for.

It looked like someone was studying late in the potion’s lab.

Lifting his eyes, he waved James over and tilted the map towards him.

“Looks like Snivellus could use some company.” He pointed out, a surge of satisfaction washing over him at the sound of James snicker. “Grab the cloak and we’ll join him for a last-minute cram session.”

James backed up until he reached the wardrobe that he kept his invisibility cloak in, grinning like a mad hatter. “Oh, better yet, we could bribe Peeves to…lend a helping hand.”

“A genius is what you are, Potter.”

As quickly as they could, the two of them made their way through the halls, avoiding bumping into of the students still wandering around before dinner. It only took minutes to find Peeves, the poltergeist, loitering outside the second-floor girl’s bathroom, teasing Moaning Myrtle.

Upon hearing the crashes coming from within the unused privy, they slipped out from beneath the cloak and pushed the door open, their eyes widening at the sight of Peeves throwing rolls of toilet paper through Myrtle’s head.

Moaning Myrtle had been a ghost for years, haunting the girls bathroom where she’d been killed by some monster that had been unleashed in the castle. Sirius had heard the story -all students did in their first year- and had found it hard to believe that Hogwarts’ grounds keeper had been the one to attack muggleborn students.

Hagrid, a half-giant with a big mouth and even bigger heart, had been expelled for attacking and killing muggleborn students with some kind of creature. Now, Sirius wasn’t one hundred percent sure that the story was true. He’d met Hagrid and spoken to him enough times to know that the large man didn’t have a cruel bone in his body, but figured it was better left alone.

“Pst, Peeves.” James got the wily ghost’s attention, and Sirius grinned at the sight of the wild look in Peeves’ eyes.

He looked ready to cause absolute chaos.

“We have a bit of a proposition for you.” He told the ghost, knowing he would rise to the challenge. As predicted, Peeves turned away from Myrtle to float towards them. “We were hoping to cause a little…mess in the potion’s lab.”

“And what shall the naughtiest of students do for me in return?” Peeves hovered, eye level with Sirius, a grin curling his transparent lips.

“We’ll get the Bloody Baron to let up on you a bit.” James answered, and Sirius knew he was thinking about the last time they had tried to sneak out.

It had been just before Christmas, and the four of them had wanted to pull a prank of epic proportions near the Slytherin common room entrance but had been stopped by Peeves when he called for the Bloody Baron, only to be accused of helping them. The poltergeist had turned them in for the abused he received.

The Bloody Baron, the ghost that haunted the Slytherin house, was the only one that Peeves feared to due to his violent nature.  

Peeves seemed to realize what they were thinking and barked out a laugh, causing Sirius to roll his eyes at his obvious glee at the potential freedom to cause as much havoc as possible without getting into trouble with the Baron.

“I suppose that will do.” He told them once he had finally stopped laughing.

James and Sirius shared a knowing grin and turned to leave the bathroom, slipping under the cloak once they were through the doors.

With Peeves somewhere behind them, they made their way towards the lab, double checking the map to make sure their target was still there. Confirming that Snape hadn’t left, they pushed the door open and slipped inside.

Snape was bent over a cauldron, stirring in some kind of herb, his face so twisted in concentration that he didn’t even look up when they opened the door. From where they stood, Sirius and James could see the fumes from the potion he was mixing were coating Snape’s hair, giving it an even greasier appearance than normal.  

It wasn’t until Sirius snickered that Snape snapped his head up to look around, his eyes narrowing at the open door. Sirius watched as the Slytherin glanced down at his cauldron before getting to his feet and heading towards the door, presumably to close it.

Once he was close enough, Sirius and James shuffled quietly away from him, heading towards his cauldron, making sure that the cloak draped over them kept them hidden, and peered into it.

The black cauldron sat atop a burner, a low fire bringing the golden contents to a simmer. Sirius glanced at James, his eyebrow raised in question, hoping that the other boy knew what potion Snape was working on. Based on the curious expression on his face, Sirius figured that James had no idea what the potion was.

Should have brought Remus, he’d know.

Sirius rolled his eyes when James gave a slight shrug and shook his head. Suppose it didn’t make a difference, their plan didn’t hinge on knowing what the contents were, only that they upped the temperature.

While James kept his eyes on Snape, who had reached the door and poked his head out into the hall, Sirius reached forward to turn the dial on the burner up as high as it could go before pulling his hand back in time to hear the door close.

A second later they heard a bottle explode on the other side of the room, drawing Snape’s attention away from the door, his cauldron momentarily forgotten as he made his way over to the shelf that held the potion vials.

Grinning, Sirius motioned his head back towards the door, signaling to James that they should head that direction before Peeves really got going.

James nodded and as quietly as they could, they moved towards the door.

They’d only gone a few feet when they heard another vial explode, causing a shout to come from Snape. Turning, Sirius grinned in satisfaction at the sight of Snape scrambling away from the shelf, his face contorted in both panic and anger.

Peeves had finally arrived.

Even from where they stood, Sirius could see the poltergeist’s head emerging from the middle of the shelf, a manic grin on his face.

“Look here.”  He cackled as he hovered in front of Snape. “The slimy Slytherin trying to get ahead.” Before Snape could say anything, the ghost flew through the room towards the cauldron, which had gone from a simmer to a boil and looked more like mud than gold. “Peeves loves to help students get ahead.” The fire below the bubbling mess suddenly roared, almost engulfing the cauldron itself.

“Don’t!” Sirius watched as Snape got to his feet and glared at Peeves, his eyes widening at the sight of his potion, the contents popping and bubbling violently under the heat. “It’ll-“

His words were lost a moment later as the cauldron exploded, sending the boiling hot potion and metal fragments everywhere.

Snape dove beneath the nearest table as the ruined potion rained down on the room, and Sirius and James used the opportunity to open the door and slip out, laughing wildly.

The moment they entered the hall, the two of them slipped out from beneath the cloak and moved as far from the door as possible so it wouldn’t appear obvious that it was where they had come from.

“Did you see his face?” Sirius howled as he bent forward to brace his hands on his knees in an attempt to recover from laughing, pulling deep breaths of air.

“Looks like he’ll have to try to kiss Slughorn’s ass some other way.” James grinned as he leaned against the wall.

As they stood there, trying to school their faces into something other than obvious glee, they heard footsteps running from behind them. Sirius pulled the cloak out of James’ hands, pointing his wand and casting a spell to shrink it, and stuffed it into his trouser pockets.

Together they turned towards the sound and saw Professor Slughorn running into the lab. A moment later, both he and Snape emerged, the latter looking angry enough that it took everything ounce of strength Sirius had to keep a grin from curling his lips.

Slughorn gripped Snape by the collar and let him lean against the wall, an exasperated look on the older man’s face.

“I must say, Severus, that it seems like I have to remind you not to be in the potion’s lab without supervision.” Sirius chanced a sideways glance towards James and saw the same satisfied expression on his friend’s face that he knew was on his own. “This is the exact reason I have rules for how and when students are allowed to use the lab.”

“Peeves was the one who caused the explosion!” Snape sounded both desperate and embarrassed to Sirius’ ears.

Good. Let him get a taste of his own medicine for once.

Sirius hated potions, and it showed when they were in class. It wasn’t that he found them difficult, but instead thought they were incredibly monotonous and tedious, and generally not worth his time, so he didn’t put in the effort. More often than not, his potions turned sour before the end and he’d end up having to turn in a mass of black char. Snape never let the opportunity to lord his inability to brew a potion go, and watching the other boy get chastised felt like the perfect kind of payback.

“I failed to see how that is relevant.” Slughorn’s voice snapped Sirius away from his thoughts and he saw Snape’s face turn the color of a beet at the condescending tone their Professor used. “Students are not allowed in the lab without my express permission and supervision. You have neither.”

The thing with Slughorn, Sirius knew, was that a student could be the best potion maker in the entire school, but if they didn’t come from a well to do family the man rarely gave them the time of day. Slughorn liked to dote on his favorites, hoping that they would return the favor and grant him favors or expensive gifts once they graduated.

Hell, he doted on Sirius only because his last name was Black.

The only student that Slughorn seemed to genuinely enjoy and praise was Lily, and since she came from a muggle family Sirius knew it was because the girl was truly talented in the art of potion making.

“But Professor, I found a better way to brew the Draught of Peace that you had us working on last week.” Snape tried to explain, but didn’t get far before Slughorn shook his head, making a tsking noise between his teeth.

Deciding he’d been a spectator long enough, Sirius slipped his hands into his pockets and started down the hall with James, both of them casually meandering closer like they’d just overheard the conversation.

“Damn, Snivellus, I knew you were a cocky git, but thinking you know how to brew a complicated potion such as that better than our amazing Professor gives a whole new meaning to the word.” He drawled, giving Slughorn a charming grin before turning his eyes to the greasy-haired boy.

“Ah, Mister Black and Mister Potter-“ Slughorn turned to greet them, but Sirius saw Snape’s eyes widen and sent him an antagonizing wink.

“It was the two of you.” Snape shouted, pointing his finger towards Sirius’s chest as he stepped away from the wall, his expression quickly becoming dark with rage.

Sirius reveled in it.

“You’ll have to be specific, Snape, I’m not sure we know what you’re referring to.” James spoke up from beside Sirius.

“You two came in and destroyed my work!” Snape accused.

“Now, Severus, you just informed me that it was Peeves that caused the mess.” Snape’s face went still at Slughorn’s statement, and Sirius could almost hear the wheel turning in his head.

“The door opened right before, but there wasn’t anyone there.” He spoke so softly that Sirius almost didn’t hear him. “It was you two.”

“That’s a bold accusation, Severus.”

“It had to have been them!”

Sirius fought to keep the laughter from escaping his lips, and he knew James was as well based on the slight shaking of his shoulders.

“You just said that there was no one there.” Slughorn pointed out with a tilt of his head as his eyes darted between the three of them.

“Yeah, Snivellus, do you think we have an invisibility cloak or something?”

God bless James Potter.

 Snape looked murderous as his eyes moved from Sirius to James, his fists clenched at his sides. “I don’t know how you did it, but you caused my cauldron to explode!”

That is enough!” Slughorn reached forward to grip Snape by the collar once more and began to pull him towards the lab. “Stop blaming others for your mistakes, Snape, and get to cleaning my lab or it’s a week’s worth of detentions for you.”

The moment the two of them disappeared, Sirius let out the bark of laughter he’d been holding back and turned to see James doing to the same.

“That will never get old.” James sighed, grinning as he turned away. Sirius followed him as they made their way back to the common room, reliving the incident gleefully. As they walked through the portrait, James glanced over his shoulder and held up his hand. “Oh, hand over the cloak so I can put it away.”

Without hesitating, Sirius complied, pulling the shrunk fabric from his pocket and draping it over the boy’s shoulder after putting back to it’s original size.

James headed up to the dorm while Sirius looked around the common, heading towards the couches once he spied the girls.

Mary, Marlene, and Lily welcomed him, making room for him as he sprawled out over their legs, his head in Mary’s lap and his feet in Lily’s. 

“Why do you look like the cat that ate the canary?” Mary asked, running her fingers through his hair absentmindedly.

“James and I just witnessed the most beautiful thing.” He answered as he closed his eyes and leaned into the touch.

Ever since he came to Hogwarts, he realized that he loved being touched -even platonically. His home life hadn’t leant itself to touch that wasn’t meant to cause pain, so when he learned that touch could make him feel good he’d greedily sought it from whomever was willing to give it.

“See Frank undressed again?” Marlene snickered playfully, causing Sirius’ face to warm at the memory of the walking in on the older boy changing out of his quidditch gear in fourth year.

“Better?” He chuckled up at her.

“Remus then.” Lily piped up.

Sirius lifted his head slightly and pointed at her, giving her a glare without any heat. “Oi, watch it Evans.” His lips curled into a grin as she stuck her tongue out at him. “Anyway, moving on, James and I just saw Slughorn completely tear Snape a new for using the potion’s lab without permission.” He told them as he relaxed his head back against Mary’s thighs, trying not think about why the soft feel of them didn’t send a jolt to his middle.

“And how, pray tell, did Slughorn find out that Snape was using the lab?” Lily asked, her voice gaining a defensive edge.

For the life of him, Sirius couldn’t figure out why Lily was still friends with the wannabe blood-purist, but wisely chose not to voice the thought, knowing that it would kill his good mood.

“Peeves blew up his cauldron.”

From where he lay against them, he could feel the suppressed laughter at his statement and Sirius closed his eyes at the satisfied feeling that warmed his chest.

He loved making people laugh.

“Peeves doesn’t usually bother the Slytherin students.” Mary pointed out with a grin. “He’s too scared of the Bloody Baron.”

“We may have asked him to.”

The laughter that overtook the girls, save for Lily who looked conflicted, was enough to keep Sirius’ good mood going for hours.

 

~

Regulus was bored.

The day before he’d woken up in the infirmary, feeling like death warmed over, and had been told he’d been hit by a bludger after the match he’d won. That explained the soreness in his body and pounding in his head, but that hardly made his time in the near silent room bearable.

Madam Pomfrey had poured several potions down his throat minutes after he’d gained consciousness, explaining that they were for the pain and to help his fractured skull fully fuse back together as well as replace some of the blood he'd lost during the incident.

Regulus thought they simply made him feel the bone crushing exhaustion that he experienced ever more.

Settling back against the pillows that he’d propped up behind himself, Regulus resigned himself to another night in the company of the school’s mediwitch and closed his eyes, the last bit of sunlight that filtered through the window making them throb.

The last thing he could remember about the day before was the impressed expression on James’ face as he held up the snitch. The proud grin on the older boy’s face had left him feeling distracted in a such a way that he had had been unable to process McDonald’s warning before the impact.

Well fuck, he’d have to work on that.

When Regulus had accepted James’ friendship, he’d made a promise to himself not to let the other boy distract him from what he knew was expected of him. And now, he’d done just that. Granted, it was only a moment during a quidditch match, but Regulus knew it would only be a matter of time before it happened again in a moment fair more important than a simple game.

The curtains around his bed shifted and Regulus opened his eyes, wincing at the light, and saw that Madam Pomfrey had come to check on him before she retired to her office.

“You’re looking much better, young man, if I do say so myself.” She greeted him with a smile, her eyes kind as she reached out to fuss over his head and shoulder, which had apparently been dislocated at some point.

“Then I can sleep in my own bed tonight?” He grumbled, knowing that she would deny him like she had the last time he’d asked.

Which he had.

No less than eight times.

“My aren’t we fussy this evening?” The older woman chuckled as she stepped back. She pulled two vials out of her white apron and set them on the bedside table. “The blue potion is to help you with any pain, and the yellow is to help you sleep.” Her eyes pinned him with a stern look and he had to fight not to shrink back from it. “Because it is clear that you need sleep, Regulus Black, and I refuse to be blamed if you collapse due to exhaustion.”

In a moment of pure childishness, Regulus curled his lips upwards and mockingly repeated the last thing she’d said back to her.

Madam Pomfrey let out a soft laugh and ruffled his hair, careful to avoid his injury, before stepping away from his bed.

“You’re a good boy, Mister Black, if not a little stubborn.” She gazed down at him warmly. “Now get some rest.” She pulled the curtain closed just enough to keep the last rays of sun out of his eyes before walking back towards her office.

As the sky outside the window darkened, Regulus felt his thoughts drift towards his brother, like they always did when he was alone. He wondered how Sirius had reacted when he was hit.

How had James?

The moment he let himself think about James, Regulus felt his heart give a tell-tale flutter. He’d accepted that he felt more than friendship towards the other boy but knew better than to try and act on it.

Regulus was the Heir to the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black. He came from a family riddled with dark wizards and witches, some of the most notorious in history. His family hated everything good.

And James was all things good.

He wore his heart on his sleeve, never thinking to hide any part of himself away from the world. His smile was bright and happy and given to anyone who needed cheering up. The golden rings in his eyes that shone bright when he was excited or happy.

James shined.

For nearly four years, Regulus had seen that shine from across the Great Hall. At first he’d hated it, and the boy who came with it, and it was only after having spent time with him that Regulus had been willing to admit to himself that it wasn’t hate.

It was jealousy.

He’d been jealous of how carefree James moved through the world while he himself had to spend every waking moment calculating each action and word. James spoke his mind, often, and never let himself be silenced while Regulus kept his voice locked somewhere deep within his chest. People flocked to James, wanting to be near the joy and warmth that radiated from him while those same people went out of their way to avoid Regulus, as if the darkness of his family name might consume them.

James was the sun.

Regulus was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of the infirmary door opening and closing. Thinking it must be some student looking for Madam Pomfrey, he settled back against his pillows, only to be surprised a moment later by a mess of dark hair poking through the curtains surrounding his bed.

“James.” Even to his own ears Regulus sounded breathless, and he fought to regain control of himself.

James’ face brightened as he stepped fully past the curtains, moving to sit at the foot of his bed, chuckling softly. “Reg, if you had wanted my attention, all you had to do was ask for it.” His tone was playful, but Regulus could see the blatant relief in his eyes. 

“What can I say, I have a flair for the dramatic.” Regulus shrugged, wincing slightly at the stiffness in his shoulder. James, observant as ever, must have seen the expression of pain because he moved closer to Regulus, placing his hand on his arm. “I’m alright, just a dislocated shoulder, it’s nothing.”

It was James’ turn to wince and Regulus tilted his head in curiosity. “Sorry about that by the way.” He told him, pointing towards Regulus’ shoulder.

Shifting slightly to giving James more room to sit comfortably, Regulus sighed. “I don’t remember what happened, but I’m sure it wasn’t your fault.”

“It happened when I caught you.”

Regulus snapped his eyes up to see James watching him carefully. No one had told him what happened when he fell, and he’d assumed that one of the professors had slowed his descent. “I’m sorry?”

Letting out a soft sigh, James ran his fingers through his hair and moved away to sit in a chair close to Regulus’ bed. “I saw you fall.” His voice cracked slightly and after clearing his throat, he continued, looking at his feet. “I don’t know what came over me, but I knew that I couldn’t let you fall. So, I dove…you were falling so fast, Reg, and it felt like it took forever before I finally got up to you.” Regulus could hear the tremor, the fear, in the James’ voice and wanted nothing more than to reassure him that he was okay but was stopped when James lifted his eyes to stare intently at him, pinning him in place. “But when I finally caught you, the speed and momentum pulled hard on your shoulders. I heard them pop.” Lowering his eyes to the floor once more, James let out a deep sigh. “I should have told Poppy, but I-“

“James.” At the sound of Regulus saying his name, James looked up at him, and Regulus saw the unshed tears glistening in his eyes. “Thank you. I know you didn’t have to do that.”

“Yes, I did.” The conviction in James’ voice made Regulus’ spine straighten and lips part slightly. “I couldn’t let you fall, Reg.”

Regulus felt his cheeks darken with heat at the way James had spoken and could only stare at him with wide eyes as he tried to ignore the shiver that suddenly coursed down his spine.

It felt like he was falling anyway.

 

Notes:

Wow ok, I think this might have been the longest chapter so far.

Alright, thoughts!

Quidditch! Gawd, I'm a sucker for the boys on brooms and Reg being a show-off is just *chefs kiss* Like he knows he doesn't have to show-off to prove how good he is, but does it anyway. He really channeled his inner Sirius during that match. Right up until his head was cracked open.

In speaking of! James immediately diving to save him! Ugh, yes sir! He was not about to just trust the professors to keep Regulus from hitting the ground. Then putting himself on the underside of the broom to make sure he was the one that took the brunt of the crash landing. My guy, we are not worthy.

FERAL JAMES IS FERAL. He was gonna whoop Avery's ass in Minnie hadn't stopped him. Like for real, he was not gonna hesitate.

Ug, Walburga being awful, and Orion...doing his best.

Sirius, our sweet star. He just wants to be the best big brother he can be. I love that boy so much, like sir, same. I too see all my younger siblings as mine because I helped raise them. Picking up on James' absolute rage is probably my favorite bit honestly. Like he knows James will defend people he loves but is never not in control of himself.

The wolfstar moment! Like Remus was straight up terrified of Sirius even THINKING about trying to go back. Uh, my heart.

PEEVES! I feel like the Marauders would have a love hate relationship with him honestly.

"You think we have an invisibility cloak or something?" Like James! Sir! You sassy bastard. James and Sirius being a chaotic mess gives me life, I swear to gawd.

Regulus being an absolute child of a patient. My guy, same, I hate having to go to dr. And then James casually popping in to make sure he was okay. I love them so much. "I couldn't let you fall." Ladies, gents, and everyone in between, I give you James "the smoothest motha fucka without meaning to be" Potter.

That's it for now! See you in the comment section.

Until next week.

Chapter 6

Notes:

Welp, I'm back. A week later than I'd like, but back nonetheless.

Before we get to the chapter, I would like to give a shout out to my fellow authors in this fandom. You amazing people give us an escape from the world that is often times so desperately needed and if it were not for you I wouldn't be here. The events that happened over the weekend have shown me both the good and bad, and I just want everyone out to know that if you take space for yourself I am extremely proud of you.

For the rest of us, is okay be upset that some of your favorite fics are gone? Absolutely -seriously, its like the burning of the Library of Alexandria all over again. Will we get over it? Also yes, so focus more on how we as a fandom can work to prevent people from feeling like their boundaries aren't being respected or putting them on pedestals that they do not want to be on.

So for those that have been disrespected and pushed out of what is suppose to a safe space, I understand and I stand with you.

Now the cws:
Mention of genocide/racism

onward to waffles.

Part One:

Chapter Six

 

 

"Hello darkness, my old friend

I've come to talk to you again." 

- The Sound of Silence, Simon & Garfunkel.

 

February 14^th, 1976

 

Remus hated Valentine’s Day, for many reasons, but he loved it too.

He loved the excitement that filled the castle as both students and Professors hung up brightly colored decorations in the halls and classrooms. Little red and pink hearts floating just above their heads that carried tiny messages in elegantly written script.

He loved the way everyone seemed to come to an unspoken truce on this one day of the year, even the Slytherins let themselves get caught up in the festivities. No one threw hexes or curses at each other, save for the occasional scorned lover, choosing instead to get along.

Remus loved the countless chocolate frogs his friends gave him throughout the day, the boys slipping them into his bag while the girls presented them like tiny bundles of happiness wrapped in pink paper.

Most of all though, he loved how quiet the common became after dinner.

Since most students used Valentine’s Day to spend time with their significant other or latest fling, Remus had the Gryffindor common room to himself. Usually, he set up his record player and curled up on one of the couches to read a book by the fire.

This year, however, he left the record player in the dorm, choosing instead to read and recharge from the overstimulating day to the sound of the cackling fire.

Stretching his legs out in front of him, Remus opened the book he was currently reading, ‘Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring’, wanting to get lost in the adventures of Frodo Baggins as he set out on a quest to destroy the ring of power.

The book, along with its two companions ‘The Two Towers’ and ‘The Return of the King’, had been a gift from his mother for his fourteenth birthday, and he’d quickly fallen in love with them.

He couldn’t help but draw parallels between the books and the unrest in the magical world.

Good men fighting against an evil that wanted nothing more than to wipe out the light.

The comparison was stronger now that the Daily Prophet had brought news of bills that had been voted into law.

Three days before, while he and the others had been in the Great Hall for breakfast, James had gotten a copy of the magical newspaper in the post, the front page announcing a new law proclaiming muggleborn wizards and witches were required report to the ministry and register.

The ministry justified the action by claiming that it would be easier for said wizards and witches to gain access to magical resources and communities, as well as protection from the uptick in attacks from blood-purists.

Remus knew better.

One of the benefits of being raised by a muggle mother was that he’d had access to muggle history books and newspapers. His mother told him stories of her older brother fighting against a tyrannical government, helping to prevent the genocide of Europe’s Jewish population. Once he’d gotten old enough to research the subject on his own, he’d learned that it hadn’t just been the Jews in danger, but romani and homosexuals as well.

The deaths had numbered in the millions.

When he had brought the similarities to Lily and Mary they had grown quiet, their eyes wide in both terror and determination.

He had yet to bring it up to the Marauders, and he wasn’t sure if he would. James, Sirius and Peter all came from pureblood families and would not have the same understanding that Mary and Lily had. Oh, he knew they would be empathetic -of course they would- but he wasn’t sure it would put into perspective the battle muggleborns faced.

The only thing necessary for evil to triumph in the world is for good men to do nothing.

The quote came, unbidden, to him as he tried to focus on the page before him, and Remus let out a deep sigh.

He would have to tell them, sooner or later, about the consequences of allowing such an evil to continue to gain power and influence.

Returning his attention to the book in his hands Remus let his mind get swept away by Frodo’s fight with the Nazgul at Weathertop, only to be interrupted by the sound of someone coming through the portrait. 

He turned his head to peer over the back of the couch, surprised when he saw Mary making her way into the common room and even from where he sat he could see the wetness in her eyes and the flush of anger on her cheeks.

“Mary?” His voice startled her, but as her eyes found him a watery smile graced her face. “You alright?”

Lifting a hand to wipe under her eyes, she came to sit beside him and he adjusted so her legs were draped over his lap. Close up, he could see her bruised lips and smeared make-up. “I’ve been seeing Thomas Malory, the Ravenclaw Head Boy, and I thought it was going well, ya know, but apparently I was wrong.” Remus could hear her voice break as she spoke, and his heart went out to her.

“What happened?”

The laugh that left her was humorless and she shook her head before turning her eyes towards him. “He told me that he didn’t want to commit to a muggleborn, not in the ‘current political climate.’” Her fingers bent into quotation marks as she repeated what she’d been told. “Can you believe that? Just because he wants to work in the ministry when he graduates, and apparently being with a muggleborn would be a hinderance.” The last word came out a sob and Remus quickly gathered her against his chest in an attempt to comfort her. “I’m so stupid for getting so upset.”

“No, you’re not, Mary.” He told her gently as he rubbed small circles into her back, hoping that it brought her a bit of reassurance. “Stupid is quite literally the last thing you are, and if he thinks being with you would be a hinderance than he is dumbest man to walk this earth.”

Mary pulled away from him, grinning softly. “You’re right, Remus, he is stupid. I’m a bloody catch and he’ll regret letting me slip through his fingers.”

“That’s my girl.”

She let out a huff and snuggled back up to him, eying the forgotten book beside him. “Lord of the Rings, huh? Fuckin nerd.”

“I thought it was appropriate given the current political climate.” He felt her stiffen slightly at his answer but didn’t point it out.

“The girls and I were talking about trying to stage a protest once school was over.” She whispered after a few moments of silence.

You’ll give them hell.

“Where would you do it?”

“Diagon Alley seems to the center of it all, so we thought we’d start there.” She answered, her voice heavy.

“I think that would be a great place to start.” He looked down at her with a grin. “I mean, you make enough noise and eventually they’ll have to listen right?”

“Our thoughts exactly.”

They sat in silence, taking comfort in each other’s company, until the sound of multiple people stumbling through the tunnel made them turn to see Sirius, Lily, Marlene, and Peter entering the common room.

Remus’ breath caught in his throat at the sight of Sirius’ rumpled clothing and wild hair, twisted and tangled as though someone had been running their fingers through it.

Of course he’d found someone to spend time with on Valentine’s.

“Pete, I’m telling you, the Astronomy tower is not the best place to snog someone in the winter. It’s far too-“ Sirius’ stopped talking as his eyes fell on Remus and Mary curled up with one another, and Remus could have sworn that he saw a flash of hurt in those gray eyes as they gazed at him.

“Sirius, why’d you stop?” Lily’s voice seemed to snap Sirius out whatever daze he’d fallen into and Remus watched as a mocking grin stretched across his face as he moved further into the room.

“Sorry, Lils, I was just shocked to see Moony and Mary looking awfully comfortable together.” Remus could hear the hard edge in the other boy’s tone but decided against calling him out on it.

The rest filtered into the room and joined Remus and Mary in front of the hearth while Sirius silently walked up the stairs towards their dorm. Remus knew he should follow him, but wasn’t sure what he would say, so he stayed where he was, hoping that the sudden chip on his friend’s shoulder would be gone by morning.

It wasn’t.

 

~

Ultimately it took three days for Sirius to acknowledge him, but Remus wasn’t bothered. Sirius couldn’t hold a grudge against him for long, his need to be the center of Remus’ attention outweighing any hurt feelings.

So, when the weekend came, giving them the opportunity to visit Hogsmeade, Sirius asked him if he could tag along while Remus shopped for new quills.

“Moons, come on, I thought we were gonna meet up with the others at Broomsticks thirty minutes ago?” Sirius whined as Remus stopped to look at sleek black quill set made from raven feathers.

“What’s got you so impatient?” He rolled his eyes at the cheeky grin stretched across the other boy’s face. “I mean, other than just wanting to hit every last nerve I have?”

Letting out a bark of laughter, Sirius playfully shoved his shoulder into Remus and gestured towards the quill case. “Hurry up so we can go flirt our way into getting drunk.” Even though his body language screamed carefree and ease, Remus knew that something was bothering the other boy based on the slight edge in his tone.

“Pads?”

“I’m fine, Rem.”

“Hmm, yes, because you only want to get drunk when you’re feeling fine.” Remus teased as he gestured to the set he wanted so that the clerk could pull it from the display case. Sirius remained silent as he paid for the quills, and it was only once they were outside that Remus urged him to tell him what was wrong.

“I finished reading the letter my Uncle sent me.” Sirius finally told him, his eyes downcast as they walked through the cobbled streets of Hogsmeade.

The mention of the letter surprised Remus, knowing that Sirius never spoke about the contents of the letters he exchanged with his Uncle Alphard and cousin Andromeda.

“And?” He urged gently.

“He’s going to die.”

“What?”

Sirius stopped walking, letting out of soft gasp, as if he were trying to hold back a wave of emotion. “Blood curses are fairly common in pureblood families, and it seems mine is no different.”

“Sirius, I’m so sorry.” Was the only thing Remus could think to say, knowing how extremely unhelpful they were.  Placing his hand on Sirius’ shoulder, Remus pulled him into a hug, wanting to give the other boy comfort. It only took a moment for him to feel his friend’s arms pull him closer, clinging to him desperately as he buried his face in Remus’ chest.

They stood like that, clinging to one another, until Remus felt the always present twinge in his knee became unbearable, forcing him to either sit or fall. So with Sirius’ help, he limped to the popular pub.

Just before Sirius pulled the door open for him, the other boy turned his head and gave Remus a grateful smile. “Thanks, Moony, I needed that.”

“I’m glad I could help.” And it was the truth. While Remus knew he fancied Sirius, they were friends first and foremost, and he would always be there for him when he needed it.

“Uncle Alphard asked me to come visit over Easter.” Sirius informed him as they made their way inside the bustling pub, scanning the place for their group of friends. “He told me that the curse shouldn’t be too bad that he couldn’t show me around his place-“

Remus listened to the boy next to him go on and on about how his Uncle lived in a cottage that sat on the edge of a muggle city somewhere in southern France, and he couldn’t help the way his heart swelled at the obvious excitement on Sirius’ face.

When Sirius had received the first letter from his disowned Uncle, Remus could see how much it helped the other boy deal with his family. The knowledge that he wasn’t alone in his anger and hate, even while he stilled live with them, had given Sirius a safe way to talk about the abuse he’d suffered.

He’d told the Marauders about some of it back in second year, they’d seen the scars on his legs and shoulders and hadn’t let him run away from their questions, but all of them knew that he hadn’t told them everything.

Well, Remus knew, and he was sure James knew, but he couldn’t say the same for Peter. Not that Peter didn’t care, Remus was sure he did, it was just that the younger boy had a policy of keeping out of affairs that weren’t his business.

But then Sirius had gotten a letter at the beginning of their fifth year, and it seemed to help him learn to voice the chaotic thoughts that Remus knew warred within his mind.

It was going to make losing him so much worse.  

“Moons!” James’ voice pulled Remus from the thoughts swirling around his head, and he felt a smile stretch over his face as they approached the group. He sank down in one of the last chairs, wincing at the pain in his knee, and saw that he and Sirius were the last to arrive.

Somehow, the massive group of teens had commandeered a couple of round tables and pushed them together in corner of the large pub, well as they could anyway. Looking around the group, he was greeted by the girls, all of whom were happily drinking butterbeers and munching on chips. Remus was mildly surprised when he saw Dorcas Meadows pressed against Marlene’s side, nursing her own drink as she smile down at the blonde girl next to her.

Dorcas was a sixth year Slytherin, which had proven to be interesting the first time Marlene had brought her around to meet them, with skin so dark that it reminded Remus of the night sky and thick hair that had been brushed out to resemble a globe around her head. One of the things he’d learned about Dorcas in the time he’d spent with her was that she took great pride in two things.

Her hair and quidditch, the latter being the more important of the two.

Being the only girl on the Slytherin team had been a personal achievement for her, and she had no problem reminding them all how good she was. If Remus had to admit it, he thought she was a better player than Sirius and James, which was saying something. In his opinion the only reason Slytherin didn’t win more games was their inability to play as a team, choosing instead to break rules and bicker amongst themselves.

He’d mentioned this to Dorcas once and she’d let out a sigh in agreement before threatening him within an inch of his life if he ever told anyone that she agreed with him.

He’d take to his grave if he had to, he’d decided in the moment, smiling warmly at her.

On the other side of Dorcas sat Mary and Lily, wrapped up in thick jumpers and scarves like the rest of them as they flipped through a magazine they’d purchased.

Across from him sat Frank and Alice, both deep in a conversation about quidditch with Dorcas and Marlene, discussing the match between Gryffindor and Slytherin that he’d missed due to the moon. 

On the other side of them sat Peter and James, the former munching happily from a jar of Freezing Whizzbees while the latter nursed a third bottle of butterbeer, judging by the two empty bottles in front of him.

Sirius took the last remaining chair beside Remus, having gone to the bar to retrieve two bottles of butterbeer for Remus and himself.

“Cheers, Moons.” He clinked the neck of the bottle in his hand against the one Remus was now holding and took a deep swallow, completely unaware of the pounding heart within Remus’ chest.

Tearing his eyes away from the beautiful boy next to him, Remus lifted his drink towards James in a salute, ignoring the knowing look in his golden gaze. “Cheers, mates.”

The thick liquid slid down his throat, bringing his attention to how dry it felt, and warmed his stomach. Butterbeer wasn’t served at Hogwarts except for during the holiday breaks, so drinking it always brought forth memories of happy trips to Hogsmeade full of candy, shopping, and mischief.

Comfortable to just sit and listen to conversations around him, Remus relaxed against the back of his chair and let the warmth of the drink in his hand wash over him.

“I’m telling you, Longbottom, the only thing between Slytherin and the House Cup is Ravenclaw.” Dorcas teased, pointing a finger at the Gryffindor Captain.

“Dream on, Meadows, we all know that Gryffindor is gonna pull it off.” Sirius stated before Frank could open his mouth and Remus rolled his eyes at the cocky tone in his voice.

“Hate to break it to you, Black, but our seeker is by far better than yours.” Dorcas turned her eyes to look at Sirius, who just shrugged and waved towards James.

“That is hardly relevant. We have James.” The statement brought forth a round of cheers from the group, except for Remus, who just smiled down at his drink until he felt a shove against his shoulder. “Tell her, Moons.”

“Don’t try to bring your boyfriend into this.” Dorcas scoffed playfully, her words bringing a wave of heat to Remus’ face as he shook his head. “Besides, he agrees with me. Don’t you, Lupin.”

Remus felt Sirius turn to look at him and struggled to ignore the sudden stiffness in the other boy’s movements. “Like hell he does, Meadows. Tell her how wrong she is, Moony.”

Lifting his eyes to glance at Dorcas, Remus saw that she had a mischievous glint in her own chocolate colored gaze. Feeling his lips curl into a smirk, he sent her a quick wink before returning his gaze to the drink in his hand. “Can’t do that, Padfoot, sorry.”

“Oi-“

“Told you!”

The group erupted into fits of laughter at the offended looks on Sirius’ and James’ faces, both looking at Remus like he’d grown another head. “No offense, Prongs, but the only reason Dorcas hasn’t outscored you in a match yet is because her team sucks.”

“True.” Dorcas agreed with a nod, grinning happily as she looked at James. “No harm meant, Potter, you’re an amazing flyer, just a bit reckless in the way you handle your broom.”  

“I’ll have you know that I am always in control of my broom, Meadows.” Remus felt his lips curl into a smile at the carefree way James spoke, knowing that no matter what had been said that the other boy hadn’t taken it personally.

“Always?” Mary tilted her head as she looked over at James, a faraway look in her eye, and Remus could tell that they were all thinking about the incident with Regulus after the last match.

James was silent as he stared at the other girl, but even from where he sat Remus could see the clenching of his jaw and fierce look in his eye before he nodded once, saying. “Always.”

That certainly settles that.

 

~

(February 20^th, 1976)

 

It had been six days since he’d seen Regulus, and it felt like he was missing a piece of himself.

James wasn’t sure when Regulus had begun to feel like an extension of himself, but he found it both unsettling and exhilarating.

When he was able to meet up with the younger Black brother, James felt like he was wrapped up in a cocoon of warmth, even when Regulus’ mood was icy and cold.

After the visit in the infirmary, James made sure to check the map every night to make sure Regulus was either tucked into his bed in his dorm room or alone at the Astronomy tower. More often than not, he was in bed, so it was a shock to see him in the tower on Valentine’s Day when James had looked just before dinner.

During dinner that night, James kept one eye on the Slytherin table in an effort to try and see if he’d shown up, but as time dragged on he realized that Regulus had either skipped a meal or was busy. As casually as he’d been able to manage, he’d gone up to the dorm, grabbed his cloak and the map and met him on the balcony of the tower.

Regulus had been surprised to see him, and seemed too distracted to stay in his company, but eventually James pulled him away from the obvious thoughts running through his mind. They’d stay out for hours, huddled together with their legs under his cloak, discussing the meaning behind the holiday.

James had listened as Regulus told him the story of an ancient roman ritual that detailed men choosing names of local women to bed for the night, or longer if they really liked one another. The ritual had morphed once the muggle church got involved, deciding it was too pagan and opting to choose who people were allowed to love instead of letting them decide for themselves.

They’d sentenced two men to death for wanting to love each other, one of which was named Valentine, and had made the Priest that condemned them a saint under the same name.

The irony wasn’t lost on James.

But that had been six days ago and now he felt like he was going through withdrawals.

“Potter, are you even listening to me?” Lily’s voice snapped him back into the present moment and he smiled sheepishly at her, earning himself an eyeroll. “I didn’t think so.”

“Sorry, Lils.” She seemed to forgive him, at least he thought so based on the fond smirk on her face. “Can you repeat everything you just said.”

The two of them were seated towards the back of the Charm’s classroom, having been partnered with one another by Professor Flitwick as a way to curb his and Sirius’ tendency to cause chaos during the lesson.

About half-way through the two -hour lesson, James had started thinking about how much he missed seeing Regulus on a regular basis and tried to come up with ways for them to communicate safely throughout the day to figure out times for them to see each other.

The idea had struck him like a rock to the face while he listened to Flitwick go on and on about different types of charms that were used to communicate. The most advanced, and easily the safest, was the Protean Charm, but Flitwick had been quick to point out that they wouldn’t be learning said charm until seventh year for their N.E.W.T.S

The charm had given him an idea, and he’d turned to Lily, asking her if she would be willing to do a bit of extra studying.

“I said that I don’t think it would be a good idea to try and mess with a charm that advanced without a Professor supervising.” She sighed, shaking her head when he opened his mouth to protest. “Charms like that can be unpredictable and dangerous if you don’t cast them correctly. You could cast the spell and if you don’t do it right, you could send a message to the wrong person.”

“Oh, come on, Evans, I know you want the chance to show off that big beautiful brain of yours.” He sighed softly, noticing the slight narrowing of her eyes at the compliment. “Who cares how dangerous it could be when you know it’s the perfect opportunity to show us all up when you succeed. Not if, when.” He was pleased to see that she didn’t have an argument for him, pulling her lower lip in between her teeth as she seemed to think over his proposal.

Her next question, however, took him by surprise. “Why are you asking me to do this, James?”

“What?” His body stilled at the hesitation in her voice, but when he caught her eye, he saw that she seemed to be bracing herself for something.

“Why do you want my help perfecting this charm?”

James knew he should lie, he did, but he didn’t like the sudden lump of lead that had dropped into his stomach. He wasn’t a liar, not really. Sure, he told the occasional fib to keep from spoiling a surprise, but he’d never outright lied. Even when he’d started seeing Regulus on a semi- regular basis he’d never lied about where he was going, he just left out some of the finer details any time one of the others had asked.

He knew he should lie to Lily, but he found that he couldn’t look her in the eye and fall back into his charming and flirtatious nature that only ever seemed to make her uncomfortable.

“I need it so I can talk to a friend of mine without anyone finding out.”

His words had an immediate effect on her based on the way her eyes widened and spine straightened. “What do you mean?”

A heavy sigh left James feeling drained, and his shoulders slumped slightly at the sudden heaviness between them. “I have a friend, a good friend that comes from a…difficult family, and I want to be able to check up on them over the summer break.” The explanation wasn’t nearly enough, but it was all he was willing to give her.

“This friend wouldn’t happen to be known as the Prince of Slytherin would he?” Lily spoke softly, but her words still made his eyes narrow. “Calm down, Potter, I’m not going to say anything.”

Tilting his head, James let his gaze soften at her assurance. “How did you guess? I like to think I’ve been subtle.”

“About as subtle as a sledgehammer, yeah.” She chuckled, looking at him with a kind expression. “But it was the match that gave it away.” She pulled her lip between her teeth once more, seeming to think about how to say what was on her mind. “I’ll admit that I don’t know much about quidditch, and I absolutely hate flying, but I’m fairly certain that catching someone in free fall and pulling them onto your broom is almost unheard of -no let me finish. You don’t know what it looked like from the outside.” She snapped at him, just loud enough to garner curious glances from other students nearby. “He was barely off his broom before you were flying after him, like it was instinct for you to follow. Then once the two of you were on your broom, you put him in the position that would be the safest when you hit the ground.” James felt his eyes widen at her description of the terrifying event, and the memory of wanting to make sure the younger boy was protected washed over him like a tidal wave, so powerful that it nearly pulled his attention away from her. “James, you looked devastated once you got him on the ground. And I know that he’s Sirius’ brother, but that alone wouldn’t justify how close you came to ripping Avery’s head off.”

She had a point.

James could remember the absolute need to wrap his hands around Avery’s throat and squeeze until the other boy stopped breathing, and the knowledge that he would have done so if not for Professor McGonagall scared him.

Lily’s hand on his arm startled him, and he turned his attention back to her. He saw the curious and concerned expression on her face and had the realization that even though the crush he’d had on her for years was gone, he’d always need Lily in his life.

“You really are brilliant, Evans.” He told her, smiling as she pulled away and shrugged as if it was common knowledge. “No, I mean it. You’re amazing, and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to really see that.”

“It’s fine, James.”

“Friends?”

Her lips parted as a laugh escaped from between them and she tilted her head, lifting an eyebrow. “I thought we already were.”

Shaking his head, he held out a hand with a grin. “What I mean to say is that I’d like to formally announce the end of my attempts to get you to date me.”

Lily waited only a moment before clasping his hand and giving it a shake.

“Nice doing business with you, Potter.”

“Cheers, Evans.”

 

Notes:

Y'ALL. The amount of research I had to do for this chapter astounds even me. I wanted to draw parallels between Germany in the late 1930s and Death Eaters, which is how I've always seen them. I've tried to adjust the world in this fic to be similar in some aspects. In Berlin (up until 1938 I think) there was a massive lgbt community. It was considered the hub of the queer community, with research centers for transpeople, bathhouses and clubs that were out in the open. I've designed the wizarding world to be similar, with only extreme right wing purebloods (The Blacks for example) having a problem with it while most of the population doesn't.

The laws that were passed before people were sent to camps were the first step, and that will be the same here. And remember folks, it wasn't just the Jews that were slaughtered (although they definitely got the worst of it), it was the roma, queer, and disabled as well.

Remus knowing about the Holocaust is absolutely true, and no one can tell me different. He reads like it's going out of business so he'd totally read about it and try to learn more from family. I will die on this hill.

Bringing it to Lily and Mary's attention like the king he is? yes sir! Muggleborns and half-bloods unite!
I love that their first thought is to protest. Ugh, so good. Go get them girls.

Remus and Mary friend moment! I love seeing supportive kings. If she'd asked, he probably would have helped her hide the body.

Is that a jealous Sirius I see, your honor? Why yes, yes it is, and we love it. Remus knowing full well that Sirius can't be mad at him for long is just so true. Like he knows the boy's weakness and will just wait it out.

Uncle Alphard no! Sorry Sirius, my love, I didn't want to, but...

The group hazing James and Sirius about their skills was taken from a literal conversation I overheard at work by a group of hockey players. Thank you Oilers for your contribution, it is appreciated.

James going through actual withdrawals because he hasn't seen Reg is 6 DAYS! Sir, get your shit together lol Fun fact, I looked up the origins of said holiday of love and it was in fact a pagan ritual.

Platonic Jily! I love the friendship between these two. Lily figuring out who James is sneaking out to see is on brand for her, I swear. She read him so fast and had no problems telling him. I love her so much.

Well, that's it for this week, folks. Be sure to leave a comment or some other form of love, and remember to be kind to one another.

until next time.

Chapter 7

Notes:

Welcome back guy for another installment of the chaos that is this fever dream of a fic!

Thank you for all the love you guys have given this little fic of mine, it means a lot whenever I get a notification for kudos and comments.

ALRIGHT GUYS! This chapter is rough, like could earn the explicit rating on its own rough. Seriously, I damn near made myself sick writing it. When I was done, I literally told my partner that I had to shower because it made me feel "gross and icky"

The Cws are as follows:
Pedophilia (ugh i made myself gag)🤢
Mentions of sexual encounters with a minor (Honestly, I'm just make 'Lucius Malfoy' a cw.)
Mentions of systematic racism (through politics)
Mentions of rape
Harassment/bullying
Threat of Violence

Rough seas ahead, so be kind to yourself.

Onward to waffles.

Part One:

Chapter Seven

 

"The hunt becomes the hunter, 

How you feel now you're the prey?

Don't be so cocky, just get on your knees and pray." 

-May I Have This Dance, Reinaeiry.

 

 

(February 20^th, 1976)

 

Lucius Malfoy liked to think of himself as a politician.

It was common knowledge that those with wealth could incite change within the wizarding world’s governing body, and while he knew change was inevitable, Lucius was more than happy to stir it in a direction that best suited him.

He knew exactly how to word proposals in such a way that even the most righteous ministry official couldn’t deny that it would make their world function more smoothly, even if it negatively affected the minority.

Filthy mudbloods.

Lucius could remember hearing about a time when mudbloods were kept out of the scared spaces of the wizarding world. There had always been mudbloods, of course, due to the weak and soft -hearted wizards and witches that liked to think that everyone should be allowed to practice magic.

However, in recent years, it had begun to feel more and more like they were invading magical communities, bringing their uncultured and filthy ways with them.

If his father had still been alive he would do everything in his power to stop them from polluting the pure blood the world needed to continue.

It had been that knowledge that had led Lucius to listen to Walburga Black’s proposal to meet with a man that had called himself Voldemort over the previous summer.

The man, Voldemort, had been younger than he expected, just a few years older than Lucius himself, but carried himself with the air and confidence befitting any pureblood wizard that Lucius couldn’t help but listen to, which was saying quite a bit.

The only family that held more power and wealth than his own was the House of Black, but as he sat and talked with Voldemort about the effect the wave of dirty blood would have on the wizarding world he found that the other man could ask anything of him and he would gladly give it.

So when Voldemort had come to him and asked that he bribe a few key ministry officials into creating a muggleborn registry, Lucius had complied without hesitation. It hadn’t taken much, to be honest, ministry officials were greedy and more than willing to look the other way if it granted them more galleons in their vaults.

His next task was to get those same wizards to agree to a bill that would make it illegal for muggleborn business to operate within places like Diagon Alley. When Walburga had heard about said task, she had offered to write up the outline of the bill with the comment that she was more than capable of twisting the words to fit the subtle approach that Voldemort had asked for.

He’d nearly laughed in her face.

Walburga was many things, but subtly in her hatred of mudbloods was not one them. It was evident in everything she did. It drove every action she took, and every word she spoke, even the treatment of her own children.

Her children.

Her sons.

The beautiful boys with alabaster skin, eyes made of steel, and pink pouty lips.

Lucius would be lying to himself if he denied the absolute desire he’d felt for years to have them both. However, it had become apparent quickly that the eldest was not one that would find himself in the presence of anyone his mother deemed appropriate. Even as a child he had defied her at every turn without remorse, and it had only gotten worse once he went away to school. Bella had often come back with stories about the blood traitors and mudbloods the boys spent his time with.

No, Lucius hadn’t been willing to risk anyone’s wrath for the outspoken and rebellious boy.

Regulus, however, was another story entirely.

Lucius felt his lips curl up into a small smirk at the thought of his latest acquisition. When Walburga had requested that he help the boy hone his potion making skills, Lucius had thought he’d been granted a gift and it hadn’t taken him long to act on the urges rolling through him once he’d gotten the boy away from his mother.

His eyes flicked up from the parchment in front of him, the outline he was working on for the newest bill, to the check the cloak against the wall of his office and huffed in frustration.

Nearly two hours until his boy was expected to come through the cabinet in his private den, but he could already feel the need to taste and touch his soft flesh roiling through him.

The cabinet hadn’t been a happy coincidence. No, it had been placed there years ago while his father had been at Hogwarts, who had used it as a way to satisfy his own needs with the daughters of other pureblood families.

Abraxas Malfoy had taught his son well.

Once Lucius had reached the right age, his father had taken him into the den and explained to him that it could be used to fulfill any urges his future wife could not. He taught him how to use the Imperius to bend the mind of any that he lusted after so that they could not deny him, as it was his right as the Heir to House of Malfoy.

Oh yes, his father had taught him well. 

By the time he’d graduated, Lucius had perfected his use of the curse, finding the perfect balance between lucid and completely at his beck and call.

He’d realized quickly that he liked to keep Regulus right on the edge of lucid, enjoying the glazed look in the boy’s eyes as Lucius used his mouth indiscriminately -all the while aware of what was happening but unable to stop it. Lucius had never acquired his father's taste for cursing someone so deeply that they were little more than a doll, finding it much more pleasurable when he could see the edge of defiance in the boy's gaze. 

Thinking back the last time he had been able to use his boy, Lucius felt his grin return. It had been two nights ago, and he’d been so angry and frustrated by the time the boy had stepped out of the cabinet that he had grabbed him by the throat and pressed him against the closed doors, his blood boiling at being denied. He’d demanded why the boy had missed their last meeting, which should have been the fourteenth.

Even now, he could picture the terror in his boy's eyes as he stuttered out the explanation that he hadn’t been feeling well -still in recovering from the injury he’d received during his last quidditch match- and had fallen asleep before dinner without setting an alarm.

Using the influence of the curse Lucius had made Regulus beg him not to tell his mother and had only granted his request after Lucius had used every part of him brutally -something he had not yet done.

Oh, but he would be doing so again soon.

Lucius was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of a loud crack off to the side of his desk and he leaned back to see his fiancé’s house elf, Mippy -a tiny frail thing with large eyes and a constant shake when Cissa wasn’t around- bowing so low that the tip of her nose touched the wood floor.

Glaring down at the pitiful creature, Lucius had a moment of regret at allowing the elf into his home when his marriage to Cissa wasn’t until July. Regret though he might, Lucius had found that he couldn’t deny his future wife anything and had let the creature integrate itself into his house.

“Beg your pardon, Master Malfoy, but you is having a visitor.” Her tiny voice squeaked and she flinched away at the sneer curling his lips.

“And who would be so important that you dare interrupt me while I’m working?” He nearly shouted, lowering the volume of his voice by the end of the sentence.

“Lord and Head of House, Orion Black.”

Lucius felt his eyes widen at the name of his impromptu guest, but quickly pulled himself together with a deep breath before lifting a hand to motion that the elf could bring him in.

Racking his brain for a reason as to why the other man would pay him a visit without warning caused a thrill of panic to shoot through him for a moment before he pushed it aside and schooled his expression to be one of polite surprised. He’d hear the other man out, and then politely send him on his way with plenty of time to spare before he had to go to his den to meet his boy.

With a quick hand through his hair and over his clothes, Lucius settled back against his chair and waited.

He wasn’t left waiting long.

The door to his office opened and in stepped the Head of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black.

Orion stood with his back straight, chin level and his lips curled into a polite smile. His black hair held back away from his face by a leather strap, putting his gray eyes on display. Malfoy took a moment to acknowledge the obvious similarities between the man in front of him and the boy that would kneel for him later.

It was obvious to anyone who looked where the Black boys inherited their good looks since they looked just like their mother, but their eyes they had gotten from their father.

Orion wasn’t an especially imposing man, standing just an inch or so shorter than himself, and much more lean, but his eyes held confidence and power, but Lucius wondered if he would survive if the other man ever found out how often and in what ways Lucius degraded his Heir. 

With a gesture for him to sit, Lucius smiled -the same kind of smile he used on officials when he wanted something. “I was not expecting company, Orion, you’ll have to forgive the mess.” He nodded towards his desk.

It was immaculate as always.

“I do apologize for the intrusion, Lucius, but I thought I would be permitted to sit in on the potions lesson you were giving my son.” Orion’s voice, while deep, set off alarm bells inside Lucius’ head and he fought to keep the struggle off his face.

With a quick look at the clock, he saw that there was still nearly an hour left before Regulus was expected to arrive and leaned forward to rest his elbows on the top of his desk. Sure there was no reason for the other man to suspect his actions towards the Black heir, Lucius tilted his head, knowing his casual demeanor would appear genuine while he looked for a reason to deny the request.

“May I ask why the sudden curiosity in potions, Orion?” He grinned casually. “Last I heard you wouldn’t be caught dead near a brewing cauldron.”

The statement drew a laugh out of the other man, and Lucius let himself mimic the sound, as if they were simply sharing a joke between them instead of tip-toeing through a mental web of words and intentions.

“I’ll admit that I don’t particularly care for the subject, but I know that Regulus has a gift for it and would like to make sure he is satisfied with the caliber of your instruction.” The carefree reply was almost enough for Lucius to relax the muscle between his shoulders, but before he could respond, Orion’s gaze hardened while the smile remained on his lips no longer held the polite air of a request. “I would hate for him to learn anything I wouldn’t approve of.”

Lucius heard the subtle edge in the other man’s voice and saw the meaning behind them in his eyes.

He was no longer asking. 

And Lucius, as much as he didn’t want to, had no choice but to comply.

 

~

 

Sirius hated it when the month had two moons. Granted not as much as Remus did, but it was still noteworthy of recognition.

The day had started like most others that accompanied the full moon, Remus in an even more prickly mood than normal and shouting at him when Sirius suggested that he stay in bed until it was time to do to the infirmary. Remus had groggily thrown a shoe at him from his bed before getting dressed and trudging down the stairs to breakfast. Sirius had followed of course, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t frustrated by the other boy’s sheer stubbornness. They spent the majority of the day in class, limping from one lesson to the next -all the while Remus fighting not only Sirius, but James and Peter as well.

Finally, around noon, it seemed like the boy’s body had had enough as he nearly collapsed in the hall after colliding with Snape and his brainless bodyguards.

Sirius rushed to Remus’ side and held him up against the wall while James and Peter tried to distract the group of Slytherins.

It didn’t work.

“I see that Loony Lupin is sick again.” Snape rolled his eyes as James tried to step in front of him. The greasy- haired boy stepped around James and eyed Remus in a way that made Sirius’ skin crawl and his chest tighten at the overwhelming need to protect him. “That’s what, the second time this month? What kind of decease did that mudblood mother give you that only makes you sick occasionally?”

Sirius didn’t have to react as he was pushed aside by the boy he’d been holding and it was only when he turned that he saw Snape against the opposite wall with the end of Remus’ wand digging into his throat, a murderous expression on his friend’s face.

Taking a moment to stop the sudden flood of extremely inappropriate thoughts flying through his head at the display of his friend’s strength, Sirius reached out to grab Remus by the shoulder.

“This isn’t you, Remus.” He spoke softly so that only Remus could hear and felt the moment they broke through his anger, his shoulders sagging like he was a puppet that had been cut from its strings. Sirius lifted his arms to hold Remus up, letting him lean against his chest as they all glared at Snape.

“Back off, Snivellus.” James gestured towards the other end of the hall as he wedged himself between the three of them. “I’d hate to have to break your nose again.”

Sirius saw Snape’s eyes narrow as he watched Remus and felt a lump of lead land in his stomach at the determined look on his face.

They remained in the silent stand-off until Snape scoffed and turned to leave, throwing a glare over his shoulder.

“Damn, ever since the potion incident, he’s been getting bolder and bolder.” James muttered as they led Remus to the hospital wing.

Madam Pomfrey, or Poppy as Sirius often called her, refused to let them skip the rest of their lessons so they could stay with their friend so Sirius gently ran his fingers through Remus’ hair -noting the layer of sweat covering his face- and whispered that he would see him later. The soft smile he received from the exhausted boy warmed his insides, and he made a promise to himself to really think about the feelings Remus brought out in him.

James and Peter had to report to divination while Sirius was expected in Muggle Studies, so the three of them went their separate ways once they left the hospital wing. James and Peter heading towards the astronomy tower while Sirius made his way towards his classroom near the courtyard. 

Even without Remus, he loved Muggle Studies. The class was mostly discussion and Professor Quirrell was young enough to make the topics interesting.

The topic the class had chosen for that afternoon was art, ranging from literature and music to paintings and sculptures.

Sirius had a lot to say about music. He brought up the influences of David Bowie, Queen, ABBA -and a host of others that Remus and Andromeda had introduced him too- on the youth and culture in Europe, both muggle and magical. By the of the class, he had converted several of his fellow students into the fold of rock and punk, promising to bring some of his newest records to the next class.

It was before dinner when he decided to wander around the castle, casually walking through the halls while his fellow students finished out their day in the library or common rooms. It wasn’t often that Sirius had to urge to be alone -in fact it was pretty rare- but he couldn’t deny his current need to shut out the rest of the world for a while.

Wandering through the halls, Sirius’ mind thought back to the letters he’d received from his uncle Alphard. From the content of his letters and the stories Andy had told him in hers, Sirius knew that the older man was one of the very few members of his family that had stepped away without being blasted off the tapestry. 

Alphard lived his own life, according to Andy, without the unbreakable rules that all Blacks were expected to follow, and that appealed to Sirius in a way he hadn't let himself think about before he left home. Yes, Alphard was a Black, but he seemed to know how to find ways to live without letting that legacy overwhelm or frighten him. In their letters, Alphard didn't stray away from how he spoke out against the blood-purist movement or his disappointment towards their family. How he had found freedom in being different. 

It gave Sirius hope that he could too. 

Opening the door to the now empty astronomy tower, he strolled towards the balcony and gripped it, putting his weight on his palms, and it was then that the hair on the back of his neck stood up in warning.

He wasn’t alone.

With his wand holding his hair in place, he made the split -second decision to use his fists if it came down to a confrontation as he spun around to face the person standing behind him. The sight before him pulled a soft gasp from between his lips and he felt his shoulders drop in both relief and dread.

“Regulus.” The word slipped out of as a sigh as he watched his brother’s face begin to shut down and held his hands up in surrender, saying the first thing that came to his mind. “I’m sorry about what happened on the train.”

His apology seemed to stop Regulus’ emotional retreat as his eyes widened and his head tilted. “Why are you sorry?”

Sirius chuckled at the incredulous tone his brother used and shook his head, leaning back against the railing. “I, more than anyone, should know better than to bring attention to things a person would rather not talk about.”

Regulus pulled his lower lip between his teeth, and Sirius was struck by how young he looked. “Yes, well, that seems to be the true motto of the Black family.”

The silence between felt awkward and heavy, as if neither of them knew what to say to the other, the years of silence too wide for them to breach in that moment. Sirius took a deep breath and studied his brother, hoping to see a trace of the boy he’d spent his childhood with.

Regulus had lost weight -despite the fact that he didn’t have any to lose- and Sirius noticed that the array of silver rings that usually donned his slender fingers were missing. He let his gaze sweep over the other boy’s face, noting the dark circles under his eyes and the exhausted look within their gray depths. His eyes traveled to his brother’s neck, wondering if he still wore the necklace Sirius gave him for Christmas -the knowledge that Regulus accepted it without comment still shocked him- before he caught the rigid way the younger boy was standing.

Sirius noticed the way Regulus’ feet kept shuffling and his eyes kept drifting over Sirius’ shoulder, like he was watching something and it was only when he turned to see the sun beginning to set that he realized that he’d need to leave soon if he wanted to get the shack in time to see Remus before his transformation.

“I have somewhere I have to be, so as great as this conversation is going, I’ll leave you to do…whatever it was that you came here to do.”

Sirius jumped at the sound of his brother’s voice and when he turned to look at him, he saw that Regulus had backed up so that he was standing in the main observatory, his chin tilted and his shoulders tense.

Without warning, Sirius had the overwhelming urge to keep Regulus with him, as if some primal instinct was screaming at him not to let the younger boy go, the feeling clawing at his chest like a trapped animal desperate to get out. Dread crept up his spine and Sirius had to physically stop himself from grabbing Regulus’ arm as he turned away and beg him not to leave, that wherever he headed would only bring pain -the feeling, he noticed, was incredibly similar to what he felt anytime Regulus was called to meet with their mother.

His ever constant urge to protect his little brother. 

Taking a step forward, he reached out his hand -although he was too far to touch his brother. “Regulus.” He felt a moment of shock when his brother stopped and glanced over his shoulder, his eyes cold and distant. “Fais attention.” The French words sounded rough, but Sirius could hear the desperate plea within them.

He saw that his words must have reached through the mask his brother had donned when Regulus’ eyes widened a fraction and his shoulders drop ever so slightly before he nodded and left Sirius alone.

 

~

 

Be safe.

His brother’s words played through his mind over and over as he quietly made his way to the seventh floor, slipping into the room filled with junk. Regulus fought not to turn around and run back to Sirius as his eyes fell on the cabinet.

It had been their first interaction since the train, and it had been awkward and painful to see how tense Sirius had been in his presence, like Regulus was a painful reminder of what had happened over the break. He’d noticed, however, that his older brother hadn’t asked him about that night, and Regulus was grateful. He didn’t want to have that conversation; didn’t want to explain why he hadn’t stayed in the fireplace as the flames took Sirius to safety.

Why he hadn’t gone with him.

So he’d been shocked when Sirius had said his name as he tried to leave, the panic in his eyes had nearly keeping Regulus in place -and while he knew there was no way his brother knew where he was going, Sirius seemed to instinctually know that he was in fact in danger.

Be safe.

 The last time he’d heard Sirius speak French was the night their mother nearly killed him, and the sound of the fluid words spilling from his lips had almost been enough for Regulus to turn and cling to his older brother and beg him not to let Lucius hurt him again.

He couldn’t do that, not matter how much he wanted to.

Taking a deep breath, Regulus steadied his breathing so that the man waiting for him on the other side of the cabinet wouldn’t noticed the torrent of thoughts running through his mind and opened the door.

The spell slipped from his lips and a moment later he felt the walls close in around him as he was transported out of Hogwarts.

The journey was over in moments, and Regulus waited for the door to be opened by an impatient Malfoy.

He waited.

And waited.

Finally, after what felt like hours, but had probably only been a handful of minutes, Regulus pushed open the door and stepped out into the familiar den, thinking that Lucius had been waiting for him on the other side. As his eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room, however, he came face to face with the last person he expected to see.

His father.

Feeling his eyes widen at the sight of his father sitting comfortably in one of the recliners, Regulus tried to keep the surprise and horror off his face as he stepped away from the cabinet.

His father looked up as Regulus closed the cabinet door, a gentle smile curling his lips, and got to his feet.

“Tu as l’air bien, Regulus.” Unlike his wife, when his father spoke French his tone sounded soft as it washed over him and Regulus was helpless to stop the relieved smile that overtook his features. “Pas de câlin pour ton Père?”

Regulus felt the last of his restraint snap as his feet carried him across the room and he collided into his father’s open arms, hiding the wave of emotion as he buried his face in his chest.

“Je suis heureux de te voir, Papa.” He whispered, taking a deep breath. The familiar scent of his father’s cologne washing over him. He was truly happy to see his father, knowing that Orion wouldn’t allow Lucius to bring any harm to him.

He considered -only for a moment- telling his father about the true content of his ‘potions lessons’, knowing that he would believe him, and whisk him away, but it would only be temporary.

While he knew his father loved him, Regulus wasn’t unaware that if his mother deemed the lessons necessary that they would continue and there wasn’t anything Orion would do to stop her.

Sirius often called their father a coward, and Regulus knew that was true, but he had accepted long ago that the love Orion had for his children wasn’t enough to stop the fear the man had for his wife.

Their father loved them in the only way he knew how.

By not making their mother’s abuse worse by fighting her.  

Pulling himself away from the only source of comfort he had, Regulus glanced around the room in search of the man he’d come to see.

Lucius stood off to the side of the den, near the door that Regulus knew led to the rest of the manner, glaring at him over his father’s shoulder. The hard edge in his gaze was enough for Regulus to know that Orion’s company hadn’t been wanted. As Regulus held his gaze, Lucius narrowed his eyes in a silent warning, but Regulus was too relieved to be bothered by the other man’s presence.

“Viens, montre-moi ce que tu as appris.” The gentle command brought a smirk to Regulus’ lips and he nodded, stepping around his father to approach the door and noticed that Lucius had cleared the rage from his face.

“What shall you be instructing me on tonight?” He asked Lucius, unable to keep the glee out of his voice. He knew the reprieve would be temporary but found that he didn’t care -willing to take whatever he was given.

Lucius led them through Malfoy manor and Regulus forced himself not to look at the portraits and antiques that lined the halls, knowing that it would be suspicious if he acted as though he hadn’t seen them before.

As they walked through the twisting corridors, Orion asked him questions about his classwork, if he’d be allowed to start practicing quidditch again, and if he was finding the time to have fun with his friends. Regulus answered each of his father’s questions with a mixture of excitement, frustration and amusement when he explained that his friends hardly noticed that he was missing on the nights he was required to be at the Malfoy’s.

His father took it all in stride, chastising him when Regulus mentioned that he preferred to spend his free time in the library, and it was only after they fell into a comfortable silence that he noticed his father hesitating to speak for the first time since he’d seen that night.

“Voyez-vous souvent votre frère?”

Of course he’s asking about Sirius.

 If it had not been for the hesitant tone in his father’s voice, Regulus would have lied, but he refused to deny the man even the smallest piece of information about his oldest son. “Je l’ai vu juste avant de venir ici, en fait.”

Orion’s eyes drifted to his face, and Regulus felt his lips curl into a reassuring smile. “Comment avait-il l’air?”

Regulus’ shoulders lifted in a careful shrug as he looked forward once more, unsure how to answer the question. His brother seemed alright, but it was always hard to tell, especially now that they weren’t as close as they once had been. “Tu sais Sirius, Papa, il trouve toujours un moyen d’aller bien.”

His father opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Lucius as he came to a stop outside what Regulus knew was his personal potions lab.

Their conversation ended as the three of them walked into the lab, and Regulus was pulled away by Lucius as the older man began teaching him the perfect way to brew different sleeping draughts -something they had touched on the first few times Regulus had come to the manor.

The hours passed quickly, and Regulus let himself get caught up in the meticulous act of perfectly brewing a potion, stirring in the ingredients exactly when it called for it and adjusting the heat to correct temperature before letting it settle.

He loved it. 

All the while, his father sat beside him, quietly correcting him in French when Regulus made a mistake -he had the distinct feeling that Orion was acting like a shield but refused to acknowledge the behavior.

While Regulus worked he kept one eye on Lucius, who stood across from him watching the interactions between him and his father with a mildly annoyed expression -prompting Regulus to come to conclusion that the other man didn’t speak French.

  Good.

By the time his potion was ready, it was nearly nine o’clock and Regulus could feel his body beginning to tire. He lifted his arms above his head to stretch his back, noticing the way Lucius’ eyes swept over him, and suppressed a shudder as he turned to smile up at his father, surprised to see that he was watching Lucius.

Orion’s eyes narrowed slightly at the other man -who, Regulus noticed, was looking right back with a dark glare- for several silent minutes before gracefully getting to his feet and placing a hand on Regulus’ shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“It seems like you’ve inherited my gift for potions, Regulus. However- “His father’s eyes snapped from his face to Lucius once more, pinning him with a hard, knowing, look before turning back to him. “I expected you to have progressed further than simple sleeping draughts.” The edge in his voice was easily recognizable and Regulus chanced a glance towards Lucius, who appeared to have gone as still as a stone statue.

“Orion-“ Lucius opened his mouth but was stopped by his father holding up a hand.

“I suspect that it because you have no time to rest and are therefore unable to retain any of the information Lucius has given you.” His father smiled gently at him and Regulus felt his heart begin to pound in both fear and gratitude, the two emotions fighting for control of his body as he sat, frozen.

If his father thought that his lessons with Lucius weren’t going as his mother expected then maybe he would tell her they were unnecessary. Maybe-

“I know that your mother would agree if we both shortened the hours you spend and the number of days you are expected to be here-“

“Now see here, Orion, your wife instructed me to teach Regulus the art of potion making.” Lucius growled. “You can’t just come into my lab and undermined my ability to teach him.”

Regulus felt the blood rush from his face at his father’s words, his heart continuing to pound against his ribcage as he starred up at Orion in disbelief. Of course he wouldn’t stop the lessons completely. He was under the impression that Lucius was simply teaching him -he had no idea how depraved the other man truly was.

The thoughts in his head reached a nearly unbearable volume as they screamed out to the man next to him. Memories of Lucius allowing others to abuse Regulus’ throat; hands gripping his hair and fingers bruising his shoulder while old men sought their release. And even more recently, when he'd decided to spend Valentine's with James instead of coming to the manor, Lucius having him beg as the man brutally stripped him of his shirt and trousers before-

NO! He refused to think about that right now.

His attention was pulled back to the present moment by the sound of his father’s voice, low and dangerous, as he addressed Lucius. “Make no mistake, Malfoy, it is not your ability to teach that I am undermining.”

Orion’s words washed over Regulus and it took a moment for their meaning to catch up with him, causing his spine to straighten with the realization.

His father knew.

And would do nothing to stop it.

Regulus waited for the rage to swallow him whole as he finally understood why his father had come to oversee his private potion lesson. Orion knew exactly what Lucius was, and had come to confirm it. And now that he had, he was making it known to the other man that he was aware of what he’d been doing to his Heir -essentially granting him permission to keep doing it. The knowledge alone should have made Regulus lash out in rage and hurt, but a tiny voice in the back of his head grabbed the only thought that mattered.

He loved them in the only way he knew how.

It didn’t matter that the Head of the House of Malfoy had…rap -nope- had allowed others to abuse him, Walburga would never allow the lessons to stop completely, too proud to admit that her Heir couldn’t handle the pressure if he begged for them to stop.

No, it wasn’t his weakness that wouldn’t allow her to stop what was happening, it was her pride. Regulus knew she would never be willing to admit that she had been wrong about who to entrust his instruction to, and it was that knowledge that had brought his father to Malfoy manor. Not to bring them to a end, but to find a way for them to be less frequent, and now that he had, his father could use the excuse that Regulus was being overworked if his mother pressed him for a reason as to why.

He’s protecting him the only way he can.

The walk back the cabinet was silent, and uncomfortable, and Regulus felt like he was made of lead, his feet barely lifting from the ground as he moved.

Once they entered the den, Regulus heard Lucius tell his father that his house elf would be more than willing to escort him back -the man’s voice sounding as if it were underwater- and Regulus felt a jolt of fear course through him at the idea of being left alone with him, knowing that he would blame the night’s events on Regulus.

Before Regulus could fully push the fear off his face, Orion’s voice washed over him like safety net. “I believe it is customary to see one’s child off, Lucius.” The force in his father’s tone sending the other man to stand by the door while he and Regulus approached the cabinet.

As he reached out to grip the handle, Regulus was stopped by gentle hands on his shoulders as his father turned him into a tight hug, tucking Regulus' head under his chin like he had when Regulus had been a small child. “Je t’aime, mon cœur. Ne doutez jamais que.”  

Regulus knew his father loved him, even if it wasn’t enough for him to stand up to his mother.

He knew.

Nodding, Regulus pulled away, feeling his eyes grow wet and blurry with unshed tears, and turned to pull the cabinet open.

“Write to your mother, Regulus.” His father told him as he climbed into the small space. “You know she worries.”

She might worry, but she certainly didn’t care.

Notes:

Alright, first up! Translations. Again, it's been a hot minute since i've had to use french so I'm sorry if it's bad.

"Be safe."
"You look well, Regulus."
"No hug for your father?"
"I'm happy to see you, Papa."
"Come, show me what you've learned."
"Do you see your brother often?"
"I saw him before I came here, actually."
"How did he seem?"
"You know Sirius, Papa, he'll always find a way to be okay."
"I love you, my heart. Never doubt that."

ALRIGHT, THOUGHTS!

"New rule. Don't watch Criminal Minds while writing from Lucius' pov.' -Me while editing this chapter. *Shudders* Seriously, this chapter made me so sick to my stomach that I basically shut down for the rest of the night. My partner had to remind me not to let myself fall too far down the rabbit hole of my past experiences as a survivor while writing so it doesn't happen again. I know some of you will hate me for this chapter, but ITS IMPORTANT LATER. I promise, as much as I hate it -and my brain sometimes.

We all agree that Lucius is an awful human being, the literal worst, but damn if he ain't more than a bit terrified of the Black family. I know that as a fandom we've agreed that Orion is just as much a shit parent as Burga, but I wanted to add a bit more to him in this fic. Unfortunately we see women give into abusive partners all the time, and I'm a firm believer that men are victims of said abuse too. In this fic, Orion fits in that group. Does he love his children, yes, but he is terrified of his wife. He's just tryin his best. Still doesn't make him a good person. At all.

So I had to look it up because I couldn't remember if there could be two full moons in one month, and guess what, there can be. So now, this means that there will be a full moon after Easter and I needed it to be for...reasons. *shifty eyes*

Sirius converting his class to rock music is so relatable, like my guy, same.

BLACK BROTHER REUNION!

Might have been awkward as hell, but they spoke without trying insulting each other, so it's a start right?? Baby steps, boys, baby steps.

Sirius' older brother instincts kicking in even when he doesn't know why is something I deal with all the time. Also, 'Be safe'?!?!?! Like he knows he can't stop Regulus from leaving, but damnit he had to say something.

Regulus' pov hurt me in so many ways while at the same time was so validating. I have memories of acting the same way in the presence of my abuser when other people were around, so I see you Reg. Its my hc that Regulus had a close..ish relationship with his father, and I hope that was shown in this chapter. Even when he realizes that his father can only do so much to protect him from both Lucius and his mother, Regulus isn't angry with Orion. He knows his father well enough to know he won't go toe to toe with Walburga and accepts him that way.

There's just so much to this chapter to both love and hate, and I want hear all about your thoughts and theories about where it's all headed in the comment section below.

Until next week loves.

Chapter 8

Notes:

Hello again!

Thank you to everyone who left a comment, Kudos or bookmarked my tiny fic. It really does make me happy when I see all the love you guys have given me.

Cws:
Assault
mentions of rape
mentions of torture
threat of violence
violence

Hope you guys enjoy!

Onwards to waffles!

Part One:

Chapter Eight

 

"It takes the truth to fool me,

and now you've made me angry, 

I can't decide whether you should live or die."

-I Can't Decide, Scissor Sisters. 

 

(March 10^th , 1976)

 

The moment his eyes opened, Regulus knew it was going to be a bad day. He’d gotten back to the dorm late the night before -curtesy of the extra hours that Fletch was making them put in at the pitch to prepare for their upcoming match since Gryffindor had won their match against Ravenclaw earlier that day- and by the time he’d finally walked into his dorm to try and get some much needed sleep, Barty and Evan had nearly finished a bottle of firewhiskey and taken it upon themselves to debate about which girls in their year were the most attractive. A conversation that Regulus pointedly ignored by pulling the curtains around his bed closed and casting a muffliato.

The instant relief of silence had not lent itself to a night of sleep; instead, Regulus had been left with his thoughts -still reeling from his father’s visit to Malfoy manor. The morning after Orion’s visit, Regulus had received an envelope from his mother, claiming that she understood he needed time to process all of the new techniques and would agree to once a week visits with the threat of increasing them if it looked like he was growing complacent with his schoolwork.

The news had been bittersweet.

Quidditch practice hadn’t been the only thing putting his body through the wringer.

No, that fell to Lucius, whom had been significantly more violent since the visit with Orion and had absolutely no qualms taking his anger out on Regulus, no matter how many times he told the older man that he hadn’t told anyone anything.

When Lucius had read the letter Regulus had received, he hadn’t even bothered to cast the Imperio curse before flinging him into the nearest wall and putting him under the Cruciatus time and time again -until Regulus was so out of his mind with pain that he didn’t even feel the brutal way Lucius fucked into him.

All the while telling Regulus it was his fault.

That surely he must have said something, done something, to make his father suspicious. 

Suppressing a shudder as he rolled out of bed, Regulus tried not to think about how sore his body was, like he had been run over by a hippogriff and then dropped from the astronomy tower. His legs felt like pudding beneath him as he stumbled towards the bathroom, gripping the door frame to keep his balance, and attempted to get ready for the hellish day that awaited him.

As he dressed, he refused to meet his own gaze in the mirror, knowing that the circles beneath his eyes were far more pronounced that they had been the day before. He knew that the purple bruises would stand out against his skin and put the haunted look in his eyes on display.

No more than thirty minutes later, Regulus -dressed in just his white button up, trousers and tie- was making his way towards the Great Hall for breakfast with a silent prayer that his stomach wouldn’t shrink the moment his eyes landed on the food covering the table. It was still early -the first rays of sunlight just beginning to crest through the countless windows that lined the corridors- which meant that Regulus had the halls to himself and could allow his shoulders and head to droop just a little in hopes of relieving some of the tension in his upper body.

By the time he reached the Great Hall, the halls were slowly filling with other students trying to get a start to their day, forcing Regulus to stiffen his spine and close off his expression as he stepped up to the Slytherin table and took a seat -remembering at the very last second to hide the flinch that threatened to broadcast his current aversion to chairs.

Regulus struggled to block out the slowly escalating noise level as he picked at his plate, a dull throb behind his eyes and temples making him wish he’d stayed in bed. The painful distraction was all he needed to miss Barty and Evan throwing themselves down onto the benches across from him, making him groan softly and rub the side of his head.

“Alright there, Black?” Barty growled out around a forkful of eggs and potatoes. Regulus continued to rub his temples in hopes that his rapidly approaching headache would ease and nodded his response. “Yeah, because you look like a fresh daisy right now.”

The growl that left his throat was pathetically weak.

“Oh, head’s up Reg, those fuckin Gryffindors are even more in sufferable than normal.” Evan -ever the compassionate one- sighed and tossed his head in the direction of the doors leading to the hall. “Heard them heading this way as we came up from the common room. Might want to keep out of their way if you’re not feeling great.”

“Why?” Regulus ran his fingers through his hair, his adornment of rings catching in his curls, and tried to ignore the sounds of shouting coming from outside the Great Hall. “What could possibly so important about a fucking Thursday that they have to make the rest of us miserable?”

His question was answered the next moment when the double doors were blown open and what looked like the whole of Gryffindor marched into the dining hall -the few in front carrying a banner with ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOONY” across the top in big red letters and smaller black letters that read ‘the sweetest sweet 16 in Hogwarts’. 

“Oh absolutely not.” The words came out as close to a growl as he could get and Regulus glared as the sea of red and gold took their seats, singing at the top of their lungs.

As if his headache wasn’t already bad enough, now he had to listen to the unbearable off-key rendition of Happy Birthday being sung by his brother and James.

Narrowing his gaze, Regulus found both boys wrapped around who could only be Remus Lupin, their arms dangling over his wide shoulders and thin frame as they assaulted the eardrums of everyone nearby.

“Look like the lions will be celebrating tonight.” Barty smirked as he turned to look over his shoulder at the antics taking place between Sirius and James -who had now wrapped their arms around each other and were screaming out the words to ‘He’s a Jolly Good Fellow.’ “I’ve heard that Gryffindor parties aren’t anything to sneeze at.” He continued, turning to face Regulus once more with an impressed grin. “The Hufflepuff I was messing around with said that their parties usually have booze and…other substances that inhibit the mind.”

Evan scoffed and shook his head, rolling his eyes in a way that Regulus knew hide his amusement. “Messing around? Is that what you call it? Cause I’m pretty sure that throwing up on a girl inside a cupboard isn’t considered ‘messing around’.”

The snort that escaped from his throat took Regulus by surprise, and he tried to muffle the sound behind his hand as Barty glared between Evan and himself.

“At least I’m trying to make an impression on the opposite sex, Rosier.” The dark-haired boy scowled, leaning towards Evan for a moment before turning his gaze on Regulus -who used every ounce of will power to keep from shrinking back.

“Wrong impression, mate.” Evan piped up with a grin, shaking his head.

Barty held his gaze and Regulus felt his insides begin to squirm under his expression but refused to be the first to look away. “You got a problem, Crouch?” Straightening his spine, Regulus felt his expression harden at the calculating look in the other boy’s eyes.

Barty seemed to realize that he’d been staring and lowered his eyes to his plate for a moment before lifting them to look up at Regulus through his dark lashes. “Not as big as you do, Black.”

His blood ran cold at the knowing look on his friend’s face, but as much as Regulus wanted to shrink back, he knew he had to stand his ground and give nothing away.

Barty didn’t know.

Couldn’t know.

Regulus lifted an eyebrow at the statement, hoping he looked much calmer on the outside than he did on the inside. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Barty.”

He wouldn’t admit to anything without knowing exactly what it was he would be admitting to.

“Heard through the grapevine that you’re lessons with Malfoy are more than just potion making.”

Well fuck.

Regulus felt his eyes widen a fraction at the casual tone in Barty’s words, as if he hadn’t just implied something that could get someone in his position killed. Barty was a pureblood, he knew the repercussions if someone overheard Regulus confirm the underlined question, or even hinted that he might not be…pure.

Thoughts swirled around his head, causing the throb behind his eyes to increase, and without thinking about it Regulus’ eyes flickered just over Barty’s shoulder to find James -only to catch the older boy’s golden gaze.

James’ eyes softened the moment their eyes met, and Regulus forced his gaze back to the boy in front of him, ignoring James’ concerned gaze.

“Implying that the Heir to a pureblood house might anything but pure, Barty, isn’t something I figured you’d be willing to die for.” His voice came out low, a dangerous edge to the words as he leaned forward into the boy’s space, relishing in the fear that clouded Barty’s gaze. “I might be willing to forgive you, however, if you tell me right now where you heard such a disgusting idea.”

Regulus watched as Barty struggled to speak, as if he couldn’t get the words out of his throat, and flicked his wrist, drawing his wand from the holster he strapped there and leveling the tip towards the boy’s jaw.

“Maybe Avery.” He finally conceded, lowering his eyes at the sudden rage that Regulus knew crept into his expression. “And Mulciber. They said they heard it from-

The bench scraped the floor so loudly as Regulus stood that it echoed through the Hall, drawing the attention of the other students, but he ignored the prickling feeling on his skin as he glared down at Barty. Leaning forward to brace his hands on the table, Regulus leveled his gaze so that the other boy wouldn’t mistake what he said for mere words. “If I find out that they weren’t the only ones to spread such filth, then I can promise you, that I will make the Dark Lord look like fucking Dumbledore. Do you understand me, Barty?”

The thrill that shot through his spine at the near terror in his friend’s gaze was almost enough to keep Regulus from leaving the Hall, but he needed to find the source of Barty’s gossip.

And fast.

If more people found out -or even began to suspect- that there was a chance he could be…that, his life would be over. In every sense of the word. That kind of information could be used as blackmail or get back to his parents -he was helpless to stop the shudder that overtook his body at the thought of his mother finding out.

It wouldn’t matter that he didn’t want what Malfoy had done to him -would continue to do to him- in Walburga’s eyes, only the fact that he’d been weak enough to allow someone defile him in such a way. That's not even considering the fact that, Lucius aside, Regulus was attracted to other men. 

Turning a corner on the opposite end of the doors to the Great Hall, he was brought up short at the sight of the boys he had been looking for coming up the staircase that led towards the part of the castle that held the dungeons.

“Mulciber.” Regulus’ voice bounced off the stone walls between them, but he didn’t dare flinch at the stabbing pain it caused. “Avery.”

The two boys had been joined by a third figure, and even before he reached them Regulus knew it was Snape -the smaller boy having made friends with the walking mountains at the beginning of the year in an effort to keep the Gryffindors from constantly targeting him.

Regulus came to a stop, refusing to go to them, and held his arms behind his back in a show of calm that he knew looked believable.

He was better than them. In every way and used that knowledge to don the arrogant mask he often wore to hide himself away.

He needed them to fear him.

He needed them to believe he could -and would- make their lives completely worthless if they continued to cross him.

The group came to a stop in front of him, and he pulled himself to his full height (although he was still several inches shorter than Mulciber and Avery) before leveling a glare to each of them. Mulciber towered above him, but the moment Regulus’ eyes caught his he seemed to shrink ever so slightly. Avery’s signature smirk turned downward at his hostility and Snape tilted his head more in curiosity then fear.

“What’s this about, Black?” Snape asked, the annoyed tone grating on Regulus’ nerves. Snape wasn’t a pureblood, so he didn’t have the same respect for the power in Regulus’ family name and it showed.

Regulus twirled his wand between his fingers casually, watching as it moved gracefully over the rings without stopping or faltering. “I should kill you where you stand.”

“Excuse me?” Avery sneered, his fear seemingly forgotten at Regulus’ aggressive tone.

Regulus remained silent for a moment, his eyes flickering between Avery and Mulciber, before he swiftly thrust the tip of his wand into the soft skin beneath Avery’s jaw, twisting it just hard enough to make it bruise.

“What the fuck, Black?” Snape and Mulciber cried out, stepping away for a moment before they seemed to remember that they out -numbered him and moved to press against his sides to surround him.

“Drop it, Black, we’re all on the same side here.” Avery gritted his teeth and tried to swallow, but Regulus pushed his wand deeper, earning a grunt of pain.

“Now if that I believed that, Avery, I wouldn’t have just heard about the most interesting story.” Regulus snapped his eyes to his left, catching Mulciber’s gaze with a glare. “How dare the two of you speak my name in the same sentence as the disgusting notion of being anything other than pure?” Even to his own ears, he sounded disgusted and angry, and he was never more grateful for the way he could turn his fear outward.

A gift from his mother.

Mulciber’s eyes widened a fraction, and Regulus could see the moment that he understood what he was referring to.

Good.

“What are you talking about?” Snape asked with a lifted eyebrow as he aimed his wand at Regulus’ side. “We haven’t said anything about you.”

“Shut up, Snape!”

“Oh no, Snape, please lie to my face and expect me to forgive you for it.”

One moment he was glaring at Snape, the next he was slammed against the wall, the back of his head cracking on the stone so hard that he saw stars. Grunting in pain, he shook his head and glared at the boys approaching him, wands out and pointed at his chest.

“Now, Black, I know that you have an inflated sense of self, but you should know better than to try and draw your wand on your fellow housemates.” Mulciber sneered as he stepped into Regulus’ space, bringing their faces close together, and held him against the wall with an arm pressed Regulus’ collarbone. “Especially when I know that you don’t lift a finger to stop what happens in those ‘potion lessons’ you get from Malfoy.” He continued in a voice so low that only Regulus could hear.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” The dizziness fogging his head made his voice sound breathless. Weak. He shook his head to try and clear the black spots that began to creep into his vision.

Mulciber's head move from side to side -Regulus had the feeling that he was making sure that the four of them were alone in the hall- before pressing closer into his space, his lips curling at the corners into a smirk that matched the malicious look in his eyes. “You sure about that, Black?” He sneered. “Maybe you should give us a taste of what Malfoy has taught you. You know, as payment for keeping our mouths shut about your dirty little secret.”  

Regulus felt his blood run cold at words falling from the older boy’s mouth, his heart pounding in chest as he fought to breath normally. The feel of Mulciber’s chest pressed against his own made him feel trapped and small, and he could feel his body begin to tremble. His nostrils were filled Mulciber’s musky scent and Regulus had to swallow the bile that crept up his throat.

Images of other bodies pressing against his filled his mind -other hands bruising his skin- and he felt his chest heave as he tried to pull in air. Barely registering the feel of his wand slipping out of his fingers, Regulus lifted his hands to push against the wall of muscle pressed against him.

He didn’t want the bodies that had closed in on him.

He didn’t want to feel their breath on his skin, or in his nostrils, as they took what they wanted without mercy. He didn’t want to feel them invade his body in ways that should only be accessed by the person he wanted.

He didn’t want this.

Not again.

Slamming his eyes closed, Regulus let out a weak whimper, the sound pleading and pathetic,“…please-“

“Hey!”

Regulus felt the tension in his body release at the sound of James’ voice echoing through the hall and he snapped his head to the side to locate the source standing at the end of the hall with Sirius and their group of friends -both James and his brother wearing matching murderous expressions.

“Stay out of this, lions, this doesn’t have anything to do with you.” Avery growled from somewhere behind Mulciber, but Regulus’ eyes didn’t move away from the golden gaze filled with rage as they swept over the scene before returning to glare at Mulciber as his hand shifted to wrap around Regulus’ throat.

“Well, Avery, I beg to differ with you, seeing as how your fuck buddy there has my brother against the wall.” Sirius snarled as he stepped forward with James, and Regulus saw that both had tight grips on their wands.

Mulciber’s hand tightened on Regulus’ throat and pushed the tip of his wand harder into his side, pulling a whimper from his lips that only earned him a jab between the ribs. “He attacked us first, Black.” He sneered. “Can’t blame us for defending ourselves.”

The hand on his throat made it impossible to breath and Regulus could feel his focus begin to fade in and out, the noise of the people around him shouting sounded as if he was under water. Through his muddled thoughts, Regulus heard the boy above him grunt and felt him pressed harder against his chest like he was fighting against being removed from Regulus’ space.

The black spots clouding his vision grew bigger and bigger and Regulus knew he only had a second before he blacked out. He knew that no matter what he threatened Mulciber wouldn’t let him go.

He wasn’t afraid of Regulus.

The hand gripping his neck grew impossibly tighter and Regulus, struggling to remain conscious, scrambled to grip the arm holding him in hopes of dislodging it.

“Let. Him. Go.” James’ voice sounded horrifyingly close and Regulus used the last of his strength to force his eyes to focus on the sound, finding James behind Mulciber with his wand pointed at his head -his dark eyes swirling with a rage that Regulus had never seen before.

At least he got to see his face one last time befor-.

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!”

The hand around his throat disappeared with a grunt and Regulus crumbled to the floor in a heap of gasps and coughs as air forced its way into his lungs, his eyes closing at the powerful rush of oxygen to his brain. Almost immediately he felt hands grabbing at him and in his delirious state he fought against them in fear -unable to shake the memories clouding his head- crying out roughly until they stopped touching him. Gulping in large amounts of air, Regulus tried to focus on the voices surrounding him.

“Someone explain why there are students fighting in my halls.” McGonagall’s voice sounded close, but with his eyes closed Regulus couldn’t be sure who was standing where. “Now.”

Never heard McGonagall sound so angry.

“We saw Mulciber, Avery and Snape attacking my brother, Professor.” That was Sirius’ voice.

Regulus forced his eyes open, blinking to rid himself of the dizzying swirl of gray and black, and saw that Sirius had Avery pressed against the wall with an arm on his collarbone while Lupin was standing over Snape with his wand pointed at boy’s chest. The rest of their group was standing in front of McGonagall with their hands spread out in front of them.

The only one that was missing was-

Oh.

There he is.

The moment Regulus’ eyes fell on James he realized whose hands had been touching him and he felt his face flood with heat, wishing he could go back in time and keep the boy he’d grown close to from seeing him at his weakest moment.

James was already watching him, his gold eyes swirling with concern and fear as they swept over his face before drifting down to his throat. It was only because he was watching James’ eyes that Regulus saw the moment that the rage returned. Before anyone could say anything, he watched as James turned and slammed his fist into Mulciber’s face. The sound of Mulciber’s nose breaking sounded like a firecracker and Regulus flinched when he saw James being pulled off the bigger boy by one of the Professors that had flooded the hallway.

“Mister Potter.” McGonagall pulled a flinch out Regulus, reminding him of his mother as he attempted to push himself into a sitting position, leaning his back against the wall -taking stock of the pain in his throat, chest, and head. His throat felt like he’d swallowed glass and his chest felt like it was on fire from the lack of oxygen he’d endured, which had only served to increase the throbbing in his head. Leaning his head back against the wall with a wince, he tried to focus on the scene unfolding in front of him. “So help me, James, if you can’t control yourself, you will have detention for a month.”  

Out of the corner of his eye, Regulus saw James smirk down at Mulciber and heard the soft 'worth it', refusing to acknowledge the way it warmed his already burning chest.

“Professor, we weren’t the ones that started it.” Regulus focused on the red-headed girl, Lily Evans, and tried to push the weak flare of jealousy that washed over him. He saw her bright green eyes flick to him for a split second before they returned to the Professor. “We walked into the hall and saw Mulciber strangling Regulus and tried to intervene. Remus and I threatened to take points, but then Avery tried to hex me so the boys jumped into help.”

“Yeah, Professor, we were just trying to help.” McKinnon added, her face open and honest.

McGonagall turned her eyes towards Regulus and he felt his entire body stiffen. He knew he’d have to lie if she asked him outright, and even if he didn’t want to Regulus knew that if he didn’t his housemates would only make his life at school even more miserable. “Is this true, Mister Black?”

Regulus slid his eyes to look at his brother, noting the way he still held Avery against the wall, and saw the concern written across Sirius’ face. Steeling himself for the reaction he knew would be elicited, Regulus once again met McGonagall’s eye and shook his head. “No,” His voice sounded rough and he cleared it painfully before continuing. “No, Professor, I wasn’t being attacked.”

“Regulus.”

Pulling himself together as quickly as he could manage, Regulus got to his feet and glared at his older brother. “Shut up, Sirius.” He addressed the boy standing on the other side of hall, feeling like a coward when he refused to even glance to his left. He didn’t have the energy to deal with the anger and disappointment that he knew would be on James’ face. “Don’t blame me for your house’s inability to control their violent impulses.”

The volume of the immediate, and expected, angry responses from the Gryffindor students became nearly overwhelming, but lasted only a second before McGonagall lifted her hands, effectively silencing them. “I see. Well then, that will be seventy points from Gryffindor for fighting and thirty from Slytherin for taunting their fellow classmates.” Her tone left no room for arguing, and while he was grateful, Regulus could see that the group wanted to do just that. “Now I suggest that all of you get to class. Now.” Her face remained stern as she watched his housemates pick themselves up and stomp away -Mulciber glancing over his shoulder to send a smirk in Regulus’ direction- but he saw the way her eyes softened when they landed on Sirius as he pushed past the others.

James shuffled close to Regulus as he started to follow Sirius, and he felt the heat of his hand as it gently brushed over the small of his back -like he was making sure Regulus was in one piece. With his eyes trained on McGonagall, Regulus saw her spot the gesture and bit the inside of his cheek in frustration. If James ever gave him the time of day again, Regulus would have to make sure that the older boy knew that he couldn’t do things like that where people could see.

Once James had passed him, Regulus pushed off the wall to leave, hoping to get to his divination class on time, only to be stopped by a gentle hand on his arm as he passed McGonagall.

“A trip to the infirmary will take care of those bruises, Mister Black.”

He felt a rush of anger and panic at the tone in her voice, but he kept his face blank as he looked up at her for a moment before quickly walking away, wanting to escape the knowing look in her gaze. Turning the corner, Regulus caught the sight of a pair of brilliant blue eyes and powder blonde hair and let out a soft groan. He really didn't want to spend the next two hours trying to lie to the one of the few people who could see through them. 

 

~

 

Hours after the fight that morning and James was still fuming, the urge to find Mulciber on the map to finish what he’d started nearly enough to pull him away from the preparations he and Sirius were making for Remus’ birthday party.

While he levitated the case of firewhiskey through the tunnel leading to Hogsmeade, he tried to push the sight of Regulus’ dull eyes as they focused on his own while he tried to fight against the hand on his throat out of his mind.

It was useless.

Hours later and he could still feel the rage of seeing Mulciber’s obvious attempt at assault clawing at his chest, begging to be set free the more he thought about it. James felt like he had an animal trapped within him that wanted nothing more than to revel in the pain he could inflict on the Slytherin. The more times he replayed the image of Regulus trapped against the other boy’s chest and hands, the angrier he got.

As he neared the end of the tunnel, the back of a portrait that sat near the staircase that led to Gryffindor common room, James stopped to lean against the wall in an effort to calm his raging heartbeat. Leaning his head back against the stone that lined the tunnel, James closed his eyes, breathing in through his nose and out his mouth, trying to dispel the overwhelming emotions roiling through him.

There were so many that he scrambled to name them before the next washed over him.

Anger.

Oh he was angry. So angry that he could still feel the rage bubbling beneath his skin in a way that made it clear to him that he could have cast an unforgivable and mean it.

He’d grown up in a home that held the mindset that a person’s body was their own, and the moment the wires in his brain had drawn the picture in front of him, James had no other choice but to intervene. He knew that it wouldn’t have matter who Mulciber had against the wall, only that he had the responsibility to stop what was happening.

But it hadn’t been just anyone, it had been Regulus.

Fear.

The moment he’d reached Mulciber, the boy had sent a hex towards James that forced him to waste precious time dodging it. The moment had felt like an eternity, but James knew that it was only seconds before he’d wrapped an arm around Mulciber’s throat and held his wand to his temple. When he’d glanced over the Slytherin’s shoulder the terror at seeing the panicked look in Regulus’ eyes had nearly rendered him frozen. From where he’d been standing, he could see the younger boy’s hands reaching out to try and grab Mulciber’s shoulders and chest, like his body was instinctively fighting against his hold -even when James knew that his mind was accepting its fate.

He’d seen Regulus accept that he was going to die, and the sight of the light beginning to fade from his eyes terrified him in ways he wasn’t sure he understood.

Possessive.

The primal howl that had rang through his head at the sight of someone else pressing their body against the beautiful boy with raven hair and gray eyes had set his blood to boil. It was an emotion that James hadn’t felt before and didn’t understand. All he had known the moment he spotted the purple-black marks encircling Regulus’ throat, was that the pounding in his ears could only be outmatched by the continuous chant of mine that rose up from somewhere within. A moment later his fist had connected with Mulciber’s nose, and for one terrifying second James felt pleasure at the pain he’d caused.

Only for it to evaporate seconds later.

Guilt.

The moment the lie fell from Regulus’ lips, James felt himself shrink back with the knowledge that he’d once again let his emotions control his actions. Actions that would likely put the younger boy in danger with his housemates, and potentially his family, if they were to ever suspect that the two of them had grown close. After Professor McGonagall dismissed them, he’d tried to catch Regulus’ gaze, but the younger boy had stubbornly refused to look at him, leaving James only a moment to try and convey his apologies. When he’d reached out and carefully pressed the palm of his hand against the small of Regulus’ back, James hoped that it wouldn’t be the last time he’d be in the same space with him.

The idea of never being alone with the younger Black brother sent another wave of fear through him, but James shook his head and moved away from the wall, determined to find a way to sneak out of Remus’ party once it his presence would go unnoticed and find him.

To apologize.

To make sure he was okay.

 James needed to make sure Regulus was okay, that they would be okay.

With his newfound plan, James reached into the back pocket of his trousers, pulling out the map, and made sure the path to the common room was clear of teachers and prefects. He definitely didn’t need to be caught with a case of alcohol. That alone would earn him detentions for a month.

He waited while Thomas Malory finished his walk around the staircase before slipping out of the tunnel and racing towards the portrait of the Fat Lady that guarded the Gryffindor common room, speaking the password quickly, and made his way inside. The sight awaiting him forced his previously negative thoughts out of the way and he felt his lips pull into an excited grin.

The couches had been shrunk to half their original size and pushed into the corners of the massive room to create cozy sitting places for anyone that might find themselves wanting to hide in a dark corner for a snog. Tables lined one side of the room, near the stairs leading to the dorms, were lined with large bowls filled with different kinds of punch and snacks -seeing as the party was starting after dinner, the snacks mostly consisted of crisps and different types of pastries. Near the wall opposite the snack table was another set of tables lined with bottles of butterbeer, pumpkin juice, and -once James unloaded the case he was levitating- liquor.

Lily and Remus had put up a bit of fight when Sirius had mentioned having alcohol at Moony’s party, but James had been quick to point out that the Gryffindor Head Boy and Girl would be in attendance and the likelihood of anyone getting too out of control was slim. With that logic the two of them had eventually agreed, so James had set out to buy a case from Madam Rosmerta. He’d had to sneak the case out of the Broomsticks’ basement, leaving a small bag of galleons for it.

He smiled as he made his way to the table, the stress of the day disappearing as the anticipation of cutting loose washed over him. He could hear Sirius convincing Remus to bring down his record player and set it up near the window, along with all the records he’d brought at the beginning of the school year. His grin widened at the whiny tone Sirius used, knowing that Remus wouldn’t deny him anything.

While everyone thought James was more than slightly oblivious, he knew that he wasn’t the only that saw how the two of them looked at each other. He was probably the first to see it actually, back in third year after a particularly bad moon when the wolf had clawed its own face, leaving a thin silvery scar across the boy’s nose and cheek. When he, Sirius, and Peter had seen the scar across Remus’ face, the three of them made a silent promise not to say anything about it until their friend brought it up, and when he’d finally broken down it was Sirius that had held his face and called him beautiful.

It had been in that moment that James knew that Sirius and Remus were destined for each other. Even at thirteen, he’d known that the two of them would be the greatest love story ever told.

With the exception of his own.

The thought brought James up short as he placed the last bottle on the table, and he had to fight the urge to reach for the map.

“Prongs!” Sirius’ voice pulled the image of raven curls and gray eyes out of his head and he turned to see the boy carrying a box of records down the stairs, followed by Remus. “You get the booze?” James nodded with a mischievous expression. “Perfect. Moony, let’s set up the record player and get the music started before people start showing up.”

“You going to DJ tonight, Pads?” Remus asked as he set the record player up, grinning at the eye roll the question earned from Sirius.

“Only until I can bribe one of the girls to do it so I can drink.” Sirius replied with a wink.

“Good luck with that.”

“Aww, Rem, you know you want to watch me preform ABBA.”

James snorted at the slight blush that crept over Remus’ cheeks, and was quick to cover it when the boy’s eyes cut to him with a look at could cut glass.

Oh yeah, tonight was going to be extremely entertaining.

 

~

 

The party was well under way and the music was loud enough to rattle Remus’ brain, but he loved that his best friends were having such a good time.

Not that he wasn’t, he most certainly was, between the drink in his hand and the way his housemates were swaying on the dance floor to the words of Billy Joel’s ‘Piano Man’. In the dim lights, he saw Mary and Lily leaning against one another with their eyes closed, letting themselves get lost to melody. A few feet away, Marlene and Dorcas were wrapped around one like they couldn’t bear to be separated. He felt the corner of his mouth lift upwards as he watched them for a moment before moving sweeping his gaze to find James and Peter engaged in a game of what some of muggleborns called ‘beer pong’.

From the looks of it, James was losing. By quite a bit.

Lifting his drink, Remus took a small sip, not wanting to end the night leaning against a table for support like his wild haired friend.

His eyes swept over the mass of bodies that filled the common room, searching. He saw Frank and Alice heading for the dorms, and hoped they remembered to cast a silencing charm. Returning to his search, he overlooked the fourth years trying to sneak a sip of firewhiskey, knowing that he should stop them but unable to do so. Fourth year was the year he and the other three had their first taste of alcohol, so he excused it as a right of passage.

Completing his first sweep and unable to find who he was looking for, Remus felt a ball of lead fall heavily into the pit of his stomach.

Of course he would be in a dark corner with a girl.

The thought made his heart clench and he palmed his chest like he could physically rid himself of the pain. Remus should have known better than to let himself think that Sirius would be willing to spend time with him during the party after the stress the other boy had experienced earlier in the day, but he’d hoped.

Thinking back to the moment they’d walked around the corner to see the younger Black brother pinned against the wall, Remus felt the anger bubble up within him. It hadn’t taken much to see the situation for what it was, and he’d known the moment Sirius had come to same realization by the way his body had stiffened. The smell of power rolling off Sirius had filled Remus’ nostrils, and it nearly made him forget why his friend was so angry.

Everything had happened so quickly after that. When the group of Slytherins had ignored his and Lily’s threat of taking points, Avery had sent a hex and a within moments Remus and Sirius had bull rushed Avery and Snape -Remus knew that the only reason Sirius hadn’t ran for Mulciber was because before either of them knew it James had tried to slam his body into the bigger boy. Mulciber hadn’t moved an inch, which made Remus think that maybe he’d cast a charm on his feet to stay planted.

Thanks to his sensitive hearing, Remus had been able to hear the way James heart had pounded in his chest as he’d threatened the Slytherin, and the anger in his tone shocked him. Before that moment Remus hadn’t known James could feel that kind of rage.

Even from across the hall, Remus had felt James’ magic crackling dangerously and he knew that if it hadn’t been for the wave of Professors that flooded the hall, James would have lost control.

After both Sirius and James had been silent in their anger, and disappointment, and that alone had told Remus how upset they’d been. It had only been the preparations for his party that had pulled them out of their silence.

A party he was supposed to be enjoying.

Taking another drink, he frowned at the realization that his cup was empty. He didn’t remember finishing it off. Making his way towards the table that held the booze, his right leg twinging slightly, Remus poured himself another cupful of butterbeer, sending a silent prayer that it might help the pain in his chest go away.

“Alright, all you drunk hooligans, listen up!” Remus felt his spine stiffen at the sound of Sirius’ voice booming through the common room from somewhere behind him. Turning slowly, he felt his eyes widen at the sight of Sirius standing on the table that been set up to hold the record player.

It only took a moment for Remus to realize that Sirius must have gone up the dorm and changed. Sirius had traded in the button up for a tight black t-shirt with ‘Pink Floyd’ written across the chest that he’d cut to fall just above the waistband of a flared jeans that hugged his thighs, showing off his sharp hips. His hair was pulled into a bun -held up with his wand, like usual- leaving his face free of obstruction. Even from across the room, Remus could see the dark eye make-up that made his already gray eyes shine like the star for which he was named.

He looked so beautiful that it hurt.

The volume of the music lowered as Sirius continued to quiet the crowd of students, one hand hovering over his eyes as he seemingly searched the faces below him, until he apparently found what he was looking for. “There you are, you gorgeous bastard!” Remus’ eyes widened as he realized that Sirius was talking -and looking- at him. Sirius lowered his hand and smiled so wide Remus thought his face would crack. “Tonight our favorite nerd is turning sweet sixteen, so I think it’s time to really get this party started!” The crowd roared and Remus watched as Sirius was joined by James and Peter, both a little wobbly as they climbed up onto the table. James bent down to change the record before quickly rising to his feet to stand beside Sirius.

A moment later, the opening cords to ABBA’S ‘Honey, Honey’ echoed through the room and Remus grinned at the roar that it garnered.

The air left his lungs as he watched Sirius reach up and pull the wand from his hair, letting it tumble down to his shoulders in black waves that he shook out so that it framed his face, and Remus had to let out a harsh exhale at how beautiful the sight was. With his wand as a mic, Sirius preformed like he was born to rule a stage, and Remus weaved his way through the crowd without thinking about it, wanting nothing more than to be closer to him.

Sirius was turning side to side so that he could share the make-shift mic with his backup singers, but as Remus moved closer he noticed that his eyes continued to shift over the crowd until they found his own. The intense way Sirius’ eyes locked on his made Remus’ breath catch, his chest tighten, and his lips part.

His eyes dropped to watch Sirius’ lips shape the words ‘Honey, honey, touch me baby’’ and felt his body respond with a rush of blood to his lower half. Forcing his eyes back up to meet Sirius’ steely gaze, Remus felt a growl catch in his throat at the hungry look in the other boy’s eyes -the sight awakening something primal within him.

Remus wanted, needed, to feel those lips against his own. He needed to taste them while his hands explored the body they were attached to, swallowing the sounds he was sure Sirius made.

As the song came to an end -The trio drawing out the last ‘what you mean to me’- Sirius turned to whisper something in Pete’s ear and Remus felt a surge of jealousy towards the smaller boy’s proximity to Sirius’ lips. As Peter turned to readjust the needle of the record player, Sirius turned back to the crowd once again and held his hands up for their attention.

“I know we all love ABBA, so let’s keep it rolling! I believe it’s time to for me to pass it off to my co-stars while I get a drink.”

Peter slid over to James’ side as the song ‘Super Trouper’ began to play, prompting the people around Remus to begin dancing wildly with one another, but he only had eyes for Sirius as he jumped down from the table to move through the crowd.

Remus’ tracked him through the mass of bodies, urged forward by some predatory instinct that refused to let his prey out of his sight. Narrowing his vision, he felt the wolf hovering beneath his skin rumble at the chase, the anticipation of finally catching the target of its desire, sharping his senses.

Sirius moved along the outside of the dance floor, and Remus followed with a soft growl as he watched the dark -haired boy move closer to one of the dark corners of the room to lean against the wall, watching as Remus came to a stop a foot in front of him after setting his drink down on the nearest table. The sight of Sirius’ slender body on display made Remus’ heart pound against his chest and it took every ounce of will power he had to keep from taking the boy right there in front of everyone.

But as much as he wanted -needed- Sirius, Remus was afraid of getting any closer, unsure of whether or not the feeling was mutual.

Using every inch of his control, Remus stepped forward, stopping just out of reach, his eyes devouring the sight in front of him. “What are you doing, Sirius?” His voice sounded low, rough, to his ears, like a growl, and he tilted his head.

Even in the dark, Remus could see the way Sirius’ eyes dilated, the way his skin flushed, and the way his chest heaved. He looked down at his feet for a moment, and Remus knew that Sirius was thinking about his response. “I know that we’ve been best mates for years and having you that way has always made me happy. More than I can ever say.” His lifted his eyes up as he spoke and even over the music Remus could hear the way Sirius’ heart was pounding. “But since I got that letter from my Uncle, the only thing I can think about is how short life is-“  

Remus’ feet propelled him forward at the sight of his friend’s discomfort, and before he could talk himself out of it, he pulled Sirius against his chest, wrapping his arms around his slim waist. “Pads, you don’t have to talk about that right now.”

Sirius’ hands, trapped between their bodies, were pressed against Remus’ chest, his palms flat against the jumper he’d thrown on before the party had started. The height difference between them placed Sirius’ face against his neck, and Remus had to suppress a shiver as the shorter boy’s breath warmed his skin. “No, Rem, that’s not-…listen, that’s not what I’m trying to say.” He said as he pulled away to look up at Remus. “I’m trying to say that the letter made me think about things I’d never really let myself think of before now.” As he spoke, Remus felt the palms pressed to his chest begin to travel up inch by inch until one rested on his collarbone and the fingertips of the other brushed the side of his neck. “I mean, I’ve thought about it before it, but I never let myself think that I could actually have the things I wanted.”

Remus knew his heart was pounding against his ribs, the hands on his body pulling a low rumble from his chest and he lowered his eyes to gaze down at Sirius’ lips. “And what is it you want?” The step forward surprised him, but he didn’t fight it -neither did Sirius as he fell against the wall with a soft gasp- and lowered his head to bring his nose close to Sirius’, his lips a breath away from where he wanted them.

But he had to know.

Had to make sure.

Because Remus knew he didn’t deserve what the boy before him was offering. He knew it in the same way he knew that the wolf shifting beneath the surface would emerge when the moon was bright and full. He knew that even though he didn’t deserve a chance to taste and touch, the moment Remus was allowed to sink his claws into Sirius he would be too weak and selfish to let him go. The moment the wolf caught his prey, it wouldn’t allow Sirius to walk away from him -no matter how much it might hurt him.

He had to be sure that Sirius knew what he was asking for. 

Notes:

This chapter was by far one of my favorite to write, so I have THOUGHTS.

Regulus being %1000 done with the Marauders five seconds after seeing them is just so good. I love a grumpy boi in the morning and that scene is so accurate for me.

Evan and Barty being absolutely terrible with women is such a teen moment that I had to add it. Seriously, some of my friends in high school were like that before they came out.

Barty questioning Reg's potions lessons was hard to write honestly. I wanted to apply the whole 'creepy uncle' vibe to Lucius, and because of that it seemed believable that other students would have an idea about his reputation. I know I said it before, but in my world being queer isn't viewed as 'wrong' by the general population. Lucius is powerful and an adult, so it's easier for other kids to victim blame Reg than say anything to the head of a house.

Hence Mulciber and Avery assaulting Regulus. As we all know, SA and Rape are about control, power and fear, so for them putting Regulus in that position plays into their victim blaming mindset.

Regulus having a panic attack the moment he's trapped without the curse felt so real to me. He went in all wands ablazing but lost it the moment he was overwhelmed. Accurate my guy.

JAMES 'LET HIM GO' POTTER. Ugh, my heart. He was %100 gonna take his ass out. Motha fucka was all kinds of willing to take whatever punishment was dished out if it meant he got to break Mulciber's nose.

We've seen a glimpse of Pandora. Don't worry, she'll make an appearance soon enough.

James having an whole ass dilemia over his violent urges whenever Regulus gets hurts. Boi same lol

First step in the wolfstar direction? Mayyybbee...

Any thoughts or theories or concerns go in the box below and I will see you guys next week.

Chapter 9

Notes:

Welcome all you guys, gals, and pals!

Once again, thank you to everyone that has given this little fever dream of mine love. I can't believe its gotten over 1000k hits! Seriously, thanks for joining me on this ride.

Cw:
Panic attack
Thoughts of previous sexual assault
mentions of homophobia

Lets get into it lovelies!

onwards to waffles!

Part One:

Chapter Nine

 

"We're choosing the path between the stars, 

I'll leave my love between the stars ." 

-As The World Falls Down, David Bowie. 

 

Sirius had spent the past weeks agonizing about the decision to tell Remus how he felt. Although in all honesty, he’d been thinking about it since the moment he’d called the boy beautiful, he just hadn’t had the courage to label the emotion.

Ironic, given his house.

At the beginning of the year, he’d tried to play into the ‘bad boy’ image that had fallen into his lap, going so far as to snog a girl or two, but after his apparent close encounter with death -which he still couldn’t remember- the idea of letting anyone other than the tall boy with honey -colored hair and warm brown eyes touch him made his skin itch.

Not that he hadn’t tried -of course he had, he was Sirius fucking Black- but every time he’d found himself lip locked with someone, Sirius could only think about how the shape of the body under his hands wasn’t the correct one. They were curvy and soft when he wanted sharp and firm. The last girl had crawled into his lap to press her chest against his and it was only Remus’ voice shouting at him ‘to go do that somewhere else’ that gave him the excuse he’d needed to push her away, and that had been back in January.

The conversation they’d had after had given Sirius some hope that maybe Remus felt the same way, so when he’d brought up the other boy’s jealousy he’d watched to see if he was right, but like always Remus had been nearly unreadable. So he tried to let it go.

Then on Valentine’s day when he’d walked in on Remus and Mary curled up on the couch, he’d felt like his heart was going to shrivel up and vanish. They’d looked so comfortable together, so good, that it took him nearly three days to build up the courage to ask Mary about it -absolutely refusing to talk to Remus for the fear of giving something away before he was ready.

After he’d asked Mary if the two of them were an item, her silence lasted only a minute before she threw her head back and laughed so hard she started crying. It took her a few minutes to calm down, and once she did, Mary told him about the terrible night she’d had and that Remus had been acting like a good friend and giving her comfort -with the none too subtle hint that Remus was still his Moony.

But even with all that, he had been hesitant to act on what he was realizing were strong feelings for his best mate. Sirius was afraid that if he said anything that Remus might not want anything to do with him, that he would say that their friendship was over, and that was something Sirius couldn’t handle. So he’d pushed everything aside, determined to simply remain at Remus’ side as his best mate, knowing that it wouldn’t be enough but unable to allow himself more.

His change of heart had only come after he’d received the most recent letter from his Uncle.

Sirius had told uncle Alphard all about his friends, especially Remus, and in his frustration he’d asked the old man questions about life and love. His Uncle had replied with a letter full of regret and sorrow for not going after the person his heart had chosen in his earlier years. He told Sirius about the loneliness that came with regret, and how now he wished he could go back and have the courage to give in to his heart. His uncle promised that when Sirius came to visit, he would help Sirius try and deconstruct the fear he’d been holding onto for years so he wouldn’t be ashamed to break his family’s rules. 

Well, Sirius was a Gryffindor, and had always been proud of breaking the rules his family had laid before him. What was one more? Especially if it was something he had a shot in hell at actually having.

And now here he was, pressed against a wall in their common room looking up into the eyes that had mesmerized him as a first year, his heart pounding within his chest at their proximity. He could feel Remus’ heart beneath his palm, quick and strong, and feel his pulse where Sirius’ fingers were touching his neck and wanted nothing more than to close the tiny distance between them.

“Sirius?”

Oh right, he’d been asked a question.

Focusing on the present moment, and the boy above him, Sirius brushed their noses together with a soft exhale, looking up at Remus through his lashes. “You, Rem.” He felt the chest under his hand shudder at his softly spoken answer and clenched his fist to gather the soft fabric of Remus’ jumper between his fingers. “I want you.”

The moment their lips met, Sirius felt his body melt -in every sense of the word- and heard a soft sound escape from between, unsure of who exactly had made it. His fingers tightened around the jumper and he pulled to bring the two of them closer, relishing in the sudden desperation that overtook him.

He felt hot, like his skin was on fire, and the feeling of Remus all around him made him give in to the burn. His nostrils took in the warm melted chocolate scent that he’d always associated with the boy, the smell so strong Sirius could almost taste it on his tongue. Every part of him screaming that ‘yes, yes this is what he was made for.’

The push and pull of their lips made him dizzy and Sirius barely registered the hands around his waist moving up to bury themselves in his hair. He let out a gasp when said fingers gripped the hair at the base of his skill and pulled his head back so that Remus could deepen the kiss with a growl that set his blood ablaze.

Their lips and bodies slid together, and even through the fabric of his jeans Sirius could feel how affected the boy against him was, and he pulled his lips away so that he could finally trail kisses down the neck he’d fantasized about. Even as he left heated kisses over Remus’ pulse, Sirius knew that the other boy was still very much in control of himself. And a moment later it was confirmed when his head was pulled away from the skin he was worshipping only to feel Remus begin his own exploration.

Using the new position to his advantage, Sirius slid his hand along the back of Remus’ neck to hold him there, letting out a cry at the sharp tug of teeth on his pulse that sent a shiver straight to base of his spine.

“You like that?” Remus’ rough voice sounded pleased and Sirius made a mental note to do whatever he could to hear that tone again. He felt a hand snake down to the small of his back as a hard thigh slid between his own, pulling a desperate whimper from his lips as it pressed against the evidence of his arousal. “God, Sirius, listen to you.”

The awe in Remus’ tone forced Sirius to pry his eyes open and he felt his face flush at the controlled need in the taller boy’s expression, his usually honey -colored eyes blown so wide that all Sirius could see was black. The sight sent of shiver down his spine and a tiny voice in the back of his head wondered how far he could push Remus’ limits before he really snapped.

Tightening his fingers in Remus’ soft waves, Sirius readjusted to rock his hips forward to brush against the hardest part of Remus’ body, grinning at the way Remus’ hands tightened in his hair and pressed him further into the wall. “Damn, Rem-“

A hard bite to the skin beneath his ear cut his sentence off with a moan loud enough that he almost missed the dark chuckle against his ear. “Do that again, Sirius, and I won’t be held responsible for my actions.”

Sirius turned angled his head to the side, giving Remus better access to his throat, as he arched his body a second time. “Let go, Rem…please.” He was aware of the desperation in his voice, but he couldn’t find it in him to care. Between the music in the background and the feeling of Remus pressed flush against him, Sirius wanted nothing more than to see him lose control and take Sirius apart while he did. “I-I want to see you..” His eyes lifted to hold the other boy’s gaze while his hands traveled to rest on Remus’ hips, his fingers slipping beneath the edge of his jumper to finally get a touch of skin. “I want to feel you.” He could feel every inch of Remus against him and knew how hard he was struggling to remain in control from the way his fingers tightened in Sirius’ hair, pulling a whimper from his throat. “Rem…please…I’ll beg if you want me to-“

“Sirius, shut up.” Remus deep growl vibrated against his chest and Sirius saw a pleading expression wash over his face. “You don’t know what you’re asking of me.” He continued, his tone as pleading as his eyes. “This is dangerous. I’m dangerous.”

“You’re not dangerous.” He replied without hesitation, a soft grin curling his lips. “You’re my Moony. My Rem.”

Remus huffed out a harsh chuckle and shook his head with a frown. “This is going to put an even larger target on your back. It could get you killed if the wrong people found out.”

Sirius felt his heart stutter at the fear in Remus’ eyes. His tongue shot out to wet his lips, and he watched as Remus’ tracked the movement with a thrill of anticipation. Gathering every scrap of courage he had, Sirius pulled Remus closer and smiled softly. “You would be worth dying for, Remus Lupin.”

Remus was silent as he seemed to study his face and Sirius was afraid he’d gone too far. It felt like an eternity before he heard Remus let out a sharp exhale, tucking his head into the space between his neck and shoulder. “You can’t say things like that to me…not when you look like that -sound like that.”

Sirius didn’t have a response, so he silently held Remus against him until their blood and bodies cooled enough for them to form coherent thoughts, untangling their limbs to lean against the wall to face one another. Even though they were no longer touching, Sirius felt like he was a lightning rod that had been struck during a storm -the hair on his arms and neck standing up and goosebumps breaking out all over his exposed skin.

“What are we doing, Sirius?” Remus asked, his voice carrying easy over the soft music -which had been changed once again if David Bowie’s smooth voice was any indication. The taller boy tilted his head to rest against the wall as he gazed down at Sirius.

Never one to back down, Sirius fearlessly met the other boy’s eyes and reached out to push the hair out of his face. “I know what I was doing-“

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

Releasing a sigh, Sirius retracted his hand to wrap his arms around his stomach, chewing on his lower lip while he thought through his answer. He knew what he was doing, what he wanted, but he wasn’t sure how to voice the thoughts that suddenly seemed so terrifying. So he blurted out the only thing he could think of in an attempt to get Remus to understand. “I haven’t kissed anyone else since the start of the term.”

“What?” Remus’ voice sounded higher, like he was surprised, and Sirius saw his eyes widen as he processed the information.

“You heard me.” He sighed, looking down at his feet -the tips of his boots touching the tips of Remus’ trainers like it was the most natural thing in the world. “And it’s true. I haven’t, and if I’m being completely honest with you, I didn’t want to.”

“I walked in on you and that seventh year playing tug of war with your tongues.” Sirius rolled his eyes at the offended tone in Remus’ voice and looked up at him with a sigh.  

“Yeah well, if you had walked in a few seconds earlier than you would have seen her crawl into my lap.” He snapped before he could stop himself and took a deep breath to calm down. “She didn’t have my permission to do that, but I guess she was dared to kiss the next guy that walked into the library, and that happened to be me.” He explained, pointing a finger at his own face. “She’d just waited until I sat down.”

“What were you doing in the library?”

“Of course that’s the part you heard.” Sirius shook his head with a grin. “But if you really must know, I was looking for you. I saw your bag on the table and figured you’d gone to get a book, so I sat down.” His shoulder lifted into a shrug in what he hoped looked like a nonchalant gesture. “She came over, asked what I was doing and before I could say anything climbed into my lap and started kissing me. What did you expect me to do, Remus? I was shocked and then I tried to force myself to kiss her back, but everything about her was wrong. I had literally started to push her away when you walked up to the table. And by the time I’d caught up with you, you were so angry for no reason that it made me mad.” He let out a sigh and looked down once again. “So I snapped at you. I’m sorry.”

“And Valentine’s Day?” Remus asked with an edge to his voice, and Sirius leaned his head back to stare at the ceiling of their common room. “Because when you came through the tunnel, you looked like you’d spent the night with someone.”

“Ifellasleepbehindthegreenhouse.” He muttered quickly to the ceiling, ignoring the flat look on Remus’ face as he tilted his head.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t get that.”

Sirius let out a groan, embarrassed, and ran his hand over his eyes. “I fell asleep behind the green house, and by the time I woke up it was dark outside. I was coming up the entry way when I ran into the Pete and the others, who had apparently tried to take his date to the tower.”

It seemed like minutes passed before Sirius heard the tell-tale sound of Remus laughing into his hand and straightened his neck to give the boy an offended glare. “Don’t laugh at me, you were the one that was cuddled up with Mary in front of a fire.”

“She’d had a bad night.”

“I heard about that. Wanker.” Sirius felt a flood of relief wash over him at the easy grin lifting Remus’ lips and shook his head with a chuckle. “To answer your question, I’m doing what I’ve wanted to do for a long time.”

“And what if I said I wanted to wait until after the Easter holiday?” Remus asked after a few moments with a sigh, like he couldn’t quite believe the words coming out of his own mouth.

“Why Easter?”

“Because I know that you’re going to your Uncle’s place, and I think it would be a good idea to wait until you can talk to him about the things your family has put you through before jumping headfirst into something that will make them target you even more than they already will.”

Well fuck.

He couldn’t really deny the logic in Remus’ explanation and hated that he was right. The Black family had rules against being anything other than pure and dating someone of the same gender was definitely one of them. Even though he’d been disowned, Sirius knew that his mother wouldn’t accept a world where he found happiness in what she’d call ‘the most disgusting of ways’ and wouldn’t hesitate to take it from him. “I hate that you’re right. Uncle Alphard mentioned that he wanted to talk to me about working through some of the things that I was taught growing up. Might as well talk to him about the best way to handle threats to both you and myself.”

Remus’ eyes widened at his wording and Sirius softened his gaze at the obvious question in those brown eyes of his. “Me?”

Sirius snorted and waved his hand between the two of them with a fond smile. “You really think I wouldn’t want to protect you from their wrath?”

“I can protect myself, Siri.”

“I know you can, Rem.” Sirius felt his insides warm at the rarely used nickname and was helpless to stop the happy way his lips curled upwards.  “Oh, hey, do you want your present?”

Remus’ lips curled into a grin and Sirius felt his pulse quicken as the taller boy leaned forward to nudge his nose against Sirius’ jaw. “Kissing you wasn’t my present?” Letting out a whimper, Sirius reached out to grab the front of Remus’ jumper, the sound morphing into a whine as he moved out reach with a teasing smile. “After Easter.”

“After Easter.” The words left his mouth as a promise, and for a moment, Sirius let himself believe that he could have everything he wanted and more.

Sirius had hidden Remus’ gift up in their dorm, and once the two of them crossed the threshold, he swiftly retrieved it from the inner lining of his trunk. It had taken a while for Andromeda for find it -which is why he’d asked her weeks ago- but the moment he’d received it in the post, carefully wrapped in paper that reminded Sirius of a storm cloud, he knew that it would make the perfect gift for his Moony.

Getting to his feet, Sirius turned to see Remus watching him from the foot of his bed -the blankets that his mother had made it look rumpled and inviting. Feeling uncharacteristically shy, he made his way over to stand in front of the sitting boy and held out the square shaped package.

As Remus reached out to take it, Sirius felt his heart pound, and he chewed on his lower lip before lowering his eyes to his feet. “I don’t know if you’ll like it, but when I read it, it made me think of you. So I had my cousin find it for me” He whispered, his voice barely louder than the sound of Remus tearing the paper away.

His eyes tracked Remus’ fingers as they tore the last of the paper away to reveal the cover of a book, the color faded from the passage of time and the title barely visible. The corners of the hardcover were worn and fragile, but Sirius could feel the charm he’d asked for protecting it from further damage.

Remus gingerly held the book in one hand while the other traced the cover, the tips of his finger outlining the title, and Sirius chewed on his lower lip at the care the book was being shown. When he lifted his eyes to Remus’ face, he saw the boy’s eyes glittering with awe as they devoured the treasure in his hand.

“Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein.” Remus’ voice sounded awestruck as he met Sirius’ gaze, eyes wide in shock. “First edition. Sirius where-“

“I had Andromeda cast a protective charm on it so that it wouldn’t come apart while you read it.” He interrupted, feeling like he needed to explain that he’d taken care of the hundred-year-old book. He knew that Remus loved books, and never liked seeing them damaged, and wouldn’t want him to think Sirius had been so thoughtless as to do so.

“…you found this…for me?”

“I had to borrow the money from Effie and Monty, but yeah. I know you have a thing for old books and this one reminded me of you the first time I read it-“ His words died as he felt Remus slam into him, hands on his neck and lips crashing into his own. Almost without thinking, Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus’ chest, his hands gripping the back of his jumper to hold him in place and let his mouth open beneath Remus, their tongues battling for dominance.

Like in the common room, Sirius felt his body come alive under the hands on his skin as they moved into his hair to tilt his head where Remus wanted, allowing him to take control and deepen the desperate kiss. Dropping one hand from around Remus’ waist, Sirius dipped his fingers into the waistband of his trousers just enough to pull their hips flush against one another with a deep moan at the friction, his hips bucking forward eagerly.

Hands moved over him to rest at the small of his back, fingers digging into the skin above the waistband of his jeans hard enough to bruise, and Sirius rolled his body, needing them to be closer. He wanted those hands to go lower, needed to feel them take him apart piece by piece.

He was disappointed, however, when those hands griped his hips and pushed him away just enough to lessen the pressure between them. The mouth he was worshipping pulled away with a frustrated huff and Sirius let a whimper escape his throat at the loss as he opened his eyes to look up at boy in front of him.

“Easter.” Remus murmured, brushing their noses together as he held their bodies apart, pupils blown wide and hair disheveled.

Sirius whimpered, but dropped his head to rest on Remus’ shoulder at the look on the boy’s face, struggling to calm his racing heart and heaving chest. “…fine, Rem, Easter.” He groaned against his neck. “But I might die from withdrawal.”

Remus let out a chuckle, the sound vibrating through his chest and into Sirius’ heart. “I think you’ll manage. We’ve gone five years, what’s a few more weeks of waiting?”

He could wait. For Remus, he could wait.

 

~

 

The moment Regulus opened the door to the astronomy tower, he felt like he could finally take a breath deep enough to release the tension in his muscles. The wind on his face and in his hair felt like it was erasing the events of the day, and as he walked onto the balcony his eyes -like always- were immediately drawn to brightest star in the night sky.

Pulling the sleeves of his green jumper down to rest against his wrists, he leaned against the railing in silence. The only sounds surrounding him were the chirps of the nighttime insects and animals. The wind rustled the leaves on the trees below his perch, but still his eyes stayed clued to the star like it was the only thing in his world.

It felt like hours passed, but still he remained unmoving, his thoughts tumbling through his mind like a rampant river, images of hands and bodies flashing as quickly as they disappeared. He tried to put them away, to lock them behind the walls he’d spend his entire childhood building, but every time he thought he’d done so they returned to torment him with memories he wished he didn’t have.

Regulus had never thought about the effects of being under the Imperious Curse when Lucius abused him, but after the confrontation with Mulciber he realized that it had been the only thing keeping the bone chilling fear at bay. His mind could rationalize it because while he was under the curse, he wasn’t really him. He was a puppet, bending to will of its master. He couldn’t fight it, so his mind tucked away the terror to protect itself, so that when he looked at the memories all he felt was disgust and anger and pity.

After what happened that morning, he knew what it meant to truly be afraid.

He was afraid of his mother, sure, but this had felt different. So different. With his mother, he knew what to expect. How she would cause him pain. He knew what hex or curse she’d use first and which she was likely to finish with, and he knew that if he remained still and quiet that she would have mercy on him. He knew how to close his mind so that she couldn’t reach into it and pull him apart that way. 

Regulus knew how to survive the pain she’d put him through.

Lucius was the same. Regulus knew how to placate the man so that the abuse was bearable. Under the curse, Regulus wasn’t responsible for his actions, so there were few things he could do that would displease Lucius in a way that made him violent. The only time he’d shown any kind of brutality was the only time he’d forgone using the Imperious as a punishment for Regulus’ nonexistent crime of telling his father, but even then he had been so out of his mind in pain from the Cruciatus that nothing else had registered in his mind.

But Mulciber? He hadn’t known what to expect from the bigger boy, only that he could hurt him in ways that would leave Regulus in pieces. He could still feel the boy’s heavy hand on his neck, the pressure pushing against his windpipe to cut off his air supply, and the smell of him in his nostrils as he moved against Regulus in a way that left no question about his intention.  

Regulus knew without a doubt what would have happened if they hadn’t been stopped. He knew what-

The sound of a scream ripped through the night and it took him a moment to realize that he had come from him, the sound crawling up from his chest and throat to burst from between his teeth without warning. The sound reminded him of a wounded animal and Regulus threw his hands over his mouth in an effort to force back into himself. He could feel the way it tore through his throat as he continued to release the sound into his palms.

All the while, his eyes never left the brightest star, as if he were begging it to see his pain. Begging it to reach down and take him away so that even if he couldn’t be with him…he could still be with his star.

It felt like an eternity before the scream morphed into sobs that wracked his whole body, the force bending him so that he was hunched over the railing, and as he fought to breathe through the meltdown he felt hot tears fall over his cheeks and down his clasped hands.  

It wasn’t until he heard the soft brush of fabric hitting the stone floor that he realized he wasn’t alone and within a second he had released his wand from its holster and spun to hold it to the throat of the person that had walked up behind him, chest heaving.

It took longer than he would be willing to admit to for his brain to process the sight in front of him, but even once he had he refused to lower his wand. Instead, he glared up at James and jabbed the tip a little harder into the soft skin under his jaw.

James lifted his hands in surrender, swaying slightly, and after a moment, Regulus slowly holstered his wand with an exhausted sigh. “What do you want, Potter?” He asked as he stepped around the taller boy so that Regulus wasn’t pressed against the rail.

“I’ve been demoted to Potter?” James grinned. “You hurt me, Reg.”

Regulus rolled his eyes and turned towards the door with a growl. “I don’t have the energy for you today.” He’d barely taken two steps when he felt a hand grab his wrist, although the fingers on his skin weren’t tight, he felt a wave of fear wash over him and he yanked his arm free as he turned to face James. “Don’t touch me!”

He had to give James credit, however, as he instantly pulled his hands away and held them for Regulus to see. “Okay, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” He said, concern evident in his tone, and Regulus felt his fear begin to ebb.

They stood apart in silence while Regulus wiped his face and tried to pull himself together, and it was only after his face was dry that he returned his attention to the boy that had joined him. “What are you doing here, James?”

“Oh, I’m James now?” James smirked, and Regulus felt his face close at his attempt at humor and he turned towards the door. “Reg, wait, I’m sorry. Please stay.” The near desperation in James’ tone was enough to keep Regulus in place and he heard James take a step towards him. “I thought you might be here, and I needed to see you.”

Surprised, Regulus turned away from the door, his eyes finding James’ almost instantly, those golden orbs trapping him in a bubble of warmth and safety. For the first time since the confrontation in the hall, he let himself get lost in other boy's gaze, noticing that said boy seemed to be doing to the same thing as his eyes swept over Regulus' face, dipping down to his throat for a moment before moving up once more.

Regulus felt James’ gaze like a caress, his eyes trailing a blaze of heat wherever they landed, and he let out a soft exhale once his brain finally caught up with what James had said. “James…”

“I know that you’re probably mad at me for how I acted, but I just couldn’t-“

“James.”

“-just stand there while he was-“

“James!” Regulus stepped forward, catching James’ flailing hands in his own as he stepped into the other boy’s space, the action finally stopping the rant James had started. Taking a deep breath, Regulus lowered their hands and tried to give the boy before him a reassuring smile. “I’m not mad. I never was.” The words fell from his lips, and Regulus was surprised to find that they were the truth. Throughout the entire event, he’d never once felt angry with the way James had behaved. The only thing he’d been even slightly annoyed with was the fact that McGonagall had seen the touch on his back.

“You weren’t?” James sounded surprised and Regulus shook his head in response as he turned, moving to slide down the stone wall to the side of the balcony door. James followed, his balance unsteady enough that Regulus made the mental note to ask him about it. His curiosity was sated the moment James sat beside him, the smell of firewhiskey invading his nostrils in a way that made his nose scrunch slightly. “Because I would have understood if you were.”

“The inability to breathe put any anger I might have felt on the back burner.” He sighed, leaning his head back against the stone and closing his eyes.

A deep growl startled him, and it wasn’t until Regulus lifted his head to look around that he realized that the sound came from the boy beside him. His eyes widened as he looked up at James, seeing that James’ eyes were focused on his throat -on the bruises he knew were still there since he hadn’t gone to see Madam Pomfrey. “James-“ The words died in his throat at the sight of the hand reaching up to trace the dark blemishes on his skin, James’ fingertips barely brushing against him.

“I wanted to kill him for leaving these.” James’ rough voice caused a shiver to run down Regulus’ spine. Not in fear, he could never fear James, but in something else he refused to name. “Still do.” The hand moved away and Regulus let out a harsh exhale at the lack of warmth. “I was so scared when I saw you fighting to breathe.” He added with a harsh sigh.

Reaching his hand out to grab the hand moving away from him, Regulus moved closer to nudge his head against James’ shoulder, the fear washing away the longer he spent in James’ company. He let the knowledge that James had cared enough about what happened to get angry on his behalf wash over him, basking in the way the boy made him feel safe. Safe enough to voice the thoughts that had overwhelmed him before James had shown up. “I was scared too.” His voice was soft, and he wasn’t sure James had actually heard him until he felt the shoulder he’d laid his head against shift to wrap an arm around his back, tucking him into James’ side.

“Is that why you were crying when I came up?” James’ voice was soft, hesitant, like he was unsure whether or not Regulus would pull away at the question.

“I- I think it hit me.” He started to explain, forcing the words out from between his teeth. He wanted to tell James. He wanted to trust him with the weakest parts of himself. “What they would have done if you, Sirius, and Remus hadn’t stopped them.”

James’ arm tightened around him and he felt James’ chest rise and fall with a heavy sigh. “We would never let anything happen to you. I hope you know that.” Regulus lifted his head to see James already looking down at him, the gold swirls in his eyes shining in the starlight. “Sirius loves you, Reg. He wouldn’t let anyone hurt you.”

While he knew the two of them were talking about what happened with Mulciber, Regulus understood that ‘anyone’ included his family. He let out a sigh and pulled away from the older boy’s chest, hoping the minuscule distance helped him sort the thoughts whirling around his head. “James-“

“No, listen, because I’ve been afraid to ask you about that night, but I have to know.” James interrupted him, leaning forward to try and catch Regulus’ gaze, reaching out to take hold of one of his hands. “You were right there, Regulus, on the other side of my fireplace. When Sirius came through, bleeding and unconscious, I thought you would have followed him. I expected you to be in be in my den when I came back with my mom, and when you weren’t I…I can’t describe how it felt. I thought that maybe you hadn’t known that you could escape to Godric’s Hollow if you needed to, and I need you to understand that it’s an option for you if you need it.” Regulus opened his mouth to interject, but James kept talking. “So I’m telling you now, that if you ever need to escape, you have a place to go to, and that you would be protected.”

That was the thing, Regulus knew that James believed that his family had the power to protect him from the Black family, but that wasn’t true. He knew that if he ever left that his mother would hunt him to the ends of the world and mercilessly slaughter anyone that stood in her way. The only reason she had let Sirius go without complaint was because Regulus had stayed behind.

He shuddered at the thought of what she would do if she lost them both.

“Reg?” James snapped his attention back to the present moment and Regulus shook his head slightly to clear away the thoughts floating within him.

“Sorry, I’m just tired.” He gave James a tired smile. “It’s been a rough day.”

James snorted as Regulus let him clumsily help him to his feet, and they turned to the door. Regulus watched as James bent down and picked up his invisibility cloak, holding it out in invitation. “Come on, I’ll walk you to the dungeons.”

The walk through the castle, under the cloak, would have been peaceful if Regulus hadn’t been hyperaware of James’ body so close behind his own and he had to remind himself to breath several times. The taller boy’s warm breath against his hair awakening his body in ways he tried not to think about. 

As they shuffled silently through the halls towards the Slytherin common room, Regulus let himself enjoy the way the shadows creeped along the corridors, the moonlight filtering through the windows to create a soft glow that blanketed the castle like something out of a dream. The peaceful atmosphere allowed Regulus to imagine that James was walking him back to his room after a romantic rendezvous, like the ones he read about in the books he used to steal from Narcissa. 

By the time they reached the portrait that guarded his common room, Regulus felt exhausted and had to lean against James once they stopped moving. After a moment, Regulus felt James’ nose nudge against the skin under his ear. “We’re here, Reg.” He spoke softly, but the sound seemed to echo through the empty corridor, and Regulus hummed in response -not quite ready to leave the warmth beneath the cloak.

With a petulant huff, Regulus moved away from James -just enough to stay beneath his cloak- and turned look up at him. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being there.”

James eyes softened and Regulus felt his face warm when he felt an arm wrap around him, pulling him into James’ chest.

Oh.

So this is a hug. 

Without thinking too much about it, he lifted his arms to wrap around James’ back, nuzzling his face against the soft fabric of James’ jumper like a content kitten receiving a loving pet.

“I’ll always be there when you need me, Regulus.” A shiver ran through him at the soft voice in his ear, and it prompted him to move away with a small smile. Looking up at James, he saw his smile reflected back to him. “Can I see you again tomorrow?”

Regulus opened his mouth to say yes, only to shut it once he remembered that the following night he would be expected to join Lucius for the night. “No, I have a private potions lesson.”

“Slughorn is giving you private lessons? Damn, Reg.” James chuckled softly, tilting his head, and Regulus felt his heart drop to his stomach.

“No,” He sighed softly. “My mother set up a tutor, and I meet him once a week.” He added, silently hoping that the other boy didn’t ask who his tutor was and force Regulus to lie.

James nodded, and Regulus felt his shoulders drop in relief. “Well, if you’re not too tired, then I’ll like to meet up the night after in the tower.”

“I’d like that.” With that, Regulus slipped out from beneath the cloak and turned, whispering the password to the portrait -smiling as he heard a soft good night, Reg- and slipped into the common, heading towards his dorm.

Slipping silently into the room he shared with Barty and Evan, Regulus was surprised to see that both boys were asleep, and he felt a twinge of guilt at the way he’d verbally attacked Barty at breakfast. He knew that he should apologize to his friend, but he knew that if Barty had been on the other side of the rumor mill he would have reacted the same way.

It was a fact of life for anyone from a pureblood family.

Children born in the Sacred Twenty-eight were expected to marry and produce heirs.

Being queer wasn’t allowed, and if the way Regulus had felt tonight anytime James had touched him was anything to go by, he was queer.

Just another thing that made him a disappointment.

As quietly as he could, Regulus stripped out of his jumper and trousers, deciding to forgo his pajama bottoms, and crawled under his blankets with a sigh.

And for the first time since Christmas, Regulus slept peacefully.

 

~

 

The following morning bought with it an awkwardness that Regulus should have seen coming. Both Even and Barty were awake by the time he opened his eyes, and with a soft groan, Regulus pulled himself out from beneath his covers to face what he knew needed to happen. Listening to their bickering voices from within the bathroom, he tried to think of a way to apologize that wouldn't seem like a weakness. The last thing he needed was for his so-called friends to think he was weak. 

Finally, he finished getting dressed -knotting his tie with expertise- and pushed the curtains around his bed to the side, his gaze finding Barty almost instantly as the other boy finished pulling on his jumper. The two of them stared at one another in silence so thick that it could have been sliced. 

"Oh my god. Boys." Even muttered from where he sat pulling his shoes on, shaking his head. "If the two are going to just stare at each other, I'm going to leave." 

The words had an immediate effect on Barty, Regulus noticed, by the way his shoulders slouched ever so slightly and his gaze darted to Even. "No, wait." 

"Then the two of you work out your shit." 

Regulus sighed and ran his ring covered fingers through his hair before once again meeting Barty's startling blue gaze. "I shouldn't have threatened you, not like that anyway." 

Barty's eyes narrowed as he spoke, his voice almost a challenge. "And how should you have threatened me, Black?" He tilted his head and stepped closer to Regulus. 

"I should have threatened to plant a fat one on you before leaving the hall so if I go down, we go down together." Regulus sent his friend a wink and grin with the hope that Barty understood that he was trying to apologize. 

It only took a moment for the boy to crack a grin and throw his head back and laugh. "I'll have you know, Black, that kissing me would be worth the fallout." 

Letting out a soft chuckle, Regulus shrugged and gestured towards Even. "I'll let Even be the judge of that." 

"Leave me out of this." The boy in question called as he opened the door for the three of them. 

Regulus rolled his eyes at the semi-offended expression that morphed Barty's face and clapped his friend over the shoulder as they moved towards the door. "Come on, Crouch, breakfast awaits." 

As the three of them made their way to the Great Hall, Regulus listened to his friends bicker back and forth about homework and let a laugh escape when Even told Barty he'd have to find someone else's notes to cheat off of if he wanted to pass because Even was 'done enabling a lazy git who wanted to spend more time snogging that studying.' 

The Great Hall was filled with students trying to bring themselves to consciousness with coffee, tea, and pastries, and Regulus was no different. Taking a seat, he pulled his cup close and prepared himself a cup of tea, mixing in two spoonfulls of sugar and enough milk to turn the black liquid a light tan. Once he was finished stirring in the milk, he brought the cup to his lips and drank greedily, hoping the caffeine would help him wake up completely. 

His moment of peace lasted only until his first swallow, however, before he felt a slender body drop down onto the bench beside him. Sliding his eyes over, he saw the tell-tale white hair and bright blue eyes. 

"Pan, how are you this fine morning?" He asked as cheekily as he could manage after a cup of tea. Unnerved by his sarcasm, the girl beside him studied him silently for a moment before her lips curled into a knowing smile, and before he could stop her she grabbed him by the wrist and stood. "What-?" Within seconds, Regulus found himself being pulled by the arm out of the hall and down a corridor to a small alcove out of sight. 

"Tell me everything." She ordered as she folded herself onto the floor, patting the area beside her. 

"About what, Pan? I don't even know why you pulled me out here." He answered as he sat down, pulling his knees up to his chest. 

"Well, I didn't think you would appreciate being forced to talk about your recent realization in front of table full of snakes waiting to devour you." Her sing song voice failed to overshadow the implication of her words and Regulus felt his body freeze. 

"I don't know what you're talking about." 

"Regulus, you've never tried to hide from me, so don't start now." 

With a sigh, he tilted his head back to rest against the wall and closed his eyes. He didn't want to admit out loud that he finally labeled himself, but like always Pandora had offered him a safe space to voice the darkest parts of himself. "I think...No. I know I'm queer." Turning to look at her, he felt his heart begin to pound in fear. What did it mean? Knowing he was queer. Did he have to do anything? If he did, he was as good as dead. His family alone would see to him buried in the Black family mausoleum before they saw him do anything that would embarrass them. "I don't know what to do about it, Pan." 

"You don't have to do anything, my star." Pandora wrapped an arm around him as she pulled him closer. "Knowing is all you need for right now." 

Thinking about the night before, spent with James on the balcony, Regulus let out a heavy sigh. "I hope you're right, Pan." 

The conversation with Pandora, it seemed, gave Regulus enough courage to accept himself, even if he no one other than the odd Ravenclaw girl would. Sure, he and Barty had teased one another in the safe privacy of their dorm, but that didn’t mean that he was ready to tell his friends that he fancied blokes. He knew that the more people that knew, the more likely it was to get back to someone who wouldn’t hesitate to tell his mother. And Regulus could not let that happen, or he’d be dead before he could open his mouth to apologize.  

So Regulus acknowledged his queerness and pushed it aside to focus on quidditch practice and an actual potions lesson with Lucius -Regulus felt a wave of satisfaction at the knowledge that the Head of the House of Malfoy feared his father enough to mix it up.

He spent nearly every other night in the tower with James, spending a few hours every night sitting next to the rail with their legs dangling over the edge and talking about everything under the stars. The night after Slytherin won against Hufflepuff, nearly two weeks after they started meeting on a regular basis, James asked him to point out the constellation that held his star, which led to several minutes of frustrated laughter until Regulus finally took the other boy’s hand and pointed it out.

Spending those few hours in the dark with James made Regulus forget about all the things in his life that were broken and wrong. He forgot about the expectations of his mother, the abuse he suffered at the hand of Lucius -who had taken to raping him while he brewed different potions, still casting the curse so that he performed each task perfectly. He forgot about how Mulciber taunted him endlessly, only to back off anytime Barty or Evan were nearby.

In James’ presence, Regulus forgot how wrong he was by simply existing.

James made him laugh, really laugh. The kind of laughter that shook his entire body and brought him to tears. He listened as the older boy told him stories about the Marauders and their legendary pranks, some of which he personally thought were brilliant. He listened as James complained about his classes, even though Regulus knew James was clever enough to get top marks in all of them.

It was in those stolen hours that Regulus allowed himself to feel safe, and to hope that maybe one day he wouldn’t have to hide himself away.

As much time as James spent talking, he spent nearly as much time listening as Regulus gave his thoughts a voice. He told the older boy about his aspirations to become the youngest professional quidditch player after he graduated -he wisely left out that such a goal would be impossible if his mother had anything to say about it. 

When Regulus told stories about the antics that he, Barty, and Evan got up to in their dorm, James would laugh and give him ideas for harmless pranks he could pull on the other two. And when he spoke of his close friendship with Pandora, the older boy gave him a soft smile while he promptly labeled her a saint for putting up with him.

Regulus had given him an eye roll for that.

Throughout their many conversations, they never spoke about the Black family, and Regulus felt grateful to the older boy for knowing that it wasn’t a topic he wanted to discuss. However, they spent countless hours sharing stories about Sirius, and on night -towards the end of March- that Regulus found the strength to share a piece of himself that he hadn’t shared with anyone other than his brother.

They had taken their normal seats against the stone wall -their heads bent close together as if they were sharing secrets and wanted to keep the stars from listening in- and after listening to James go on and on about how Sirius and Remus spent the entire morning bickering back and forth about how to celebrate James’ upcoming birthday, Regulus let out a soft chuckle and reached into the collar of his jumper to pull out the necklace that his brother had given him for Christmas.

“What’s that?” James asked softly as Regulus removed the necklace from around his neck to hold it gingerly in the palm of his hand. Tracing his thumb over the engraved words, Regulus let out a sharp exhale and looked up to see James watching the movement with a curious expression for a moment before his eyes widened and his lips curled into a smile. “Is that the necklace he gave you?”

Regulus tilted his head at James’ knowledge of the gift in his hand and arched an eyebrow at the boy, a grin stretching his lips. “He tell you about it then?”

“Helped pick it out actually.” The smirk James gave him made Regulus' stomach flutter but he pushed the feeling aside the moment he processed the words that fell from the other boy’s lips. “It hadn’t been engraved yet though, so if you hate that bit it was all Sirius.”

“You were there when he bought this?” Regulus let his eyes drop down to James’ lips, barely holding back the urge to lean forward and press his own against them.

“Yeah, he found it in The Everlasting Fineries shop in Hogsmeade a couple of weeks before the holiday.” The older boy explained as he reached out to take the pendant from Regulus’ hand, turning it over in his own. Regulus watched the action with rapt attention, the sight of James’ hands moving over the silver in a way that made his mouth dry. “You’ve been wearing it backwards.”

“What?” The statement shook his focus from James' mouth and he snapped his eyes up to watch his face instead. Confused, he tilted his head slightly and felt his brow furrow. He'd had that necklace for months and he was only just now finding out he had been wearing it backwards? 

And he was suppose to be the clever one.

James turned the pendant over and held it up for Regulus to see, and his eyes were immediately drawn to the two raised stars centered in a circle of delicate swirls. One star sat slightly higher -and larger- than the other, and as Regulus continued to look at them his vision began to blur from the tears that had suddenly pooled on his lashes.

Now he knew why Sirius had given it to him.

He was snapped out of his stunned silence by the feeling of cold metal on the back of his neck and it took him a moment to realize that James had placed the necklace back around his neck, the pendant resting against his sternum like a weighted blanket.

A reminder that it would always be the two of them

Notes:

First off,

WOLFSTAR WOLFSTAR WOLFSTAR!

THEY KISSED! FUCKING FINALLY.
Sirius knowing that he needs to deconstruct his family beliefs is something I too have had to deal with, and I love him for it. Remus came so. damn. close. to giving in, but damnit if he isn't gonna let Sirius dive into something without thinking it all the way through...at least not this anyway lol.

THAT FUCKING PRESENT?!?!?! Ugh, I loved the idea of Sirius actually getting Remus something for his birthday, and a book was the obvious choice. However, I wanted to go one step further and find a book that would really speak to our beloved moony. So Frankenstein it was! Don't worry, that book will come into play later. (love me some foreshadowing)

Our poor Regulus having an absolute breakdown tore me apart while I was writing. I just wanted to give him a hug. I hadn't intended to bring in James, but the first draft I wrote just hurt me too much so I went back and had James show up. James being in the scene led to an interesting amount of semi-healthy conversation. A buzzed James has no filter and that boy. needed. answers.

Regulus labeling himself as queer hit so hard for me. Like yes, he knew he liked James, but now he has the physical reaction as well. Unfortunately it also means that he knows what could happen if he steps out of line.

PANDORA! ugh, girl I promise I didn't forget you. I love you so much and I promise you'll get more screen time.

FINALLY WE GET TO THE REGULAR MEET-UPS!
I have been itching to get this far for weeks lol

The necklace is back folks! Ugh, I love it so much. Reg finding out he's been wearing it wrong for months is just *chefs kiss* the number of times I've also done that, my guy.

From here out, I'm going to try to speed the timeline alone, but I'm hoping it won't take away from the story too much.

Alright folks, thats it for now. I'll see you next week.

Notes:

First things first: It has been years since i've spoken French on a regular basis, so my translations are coming from a translation program. If they're wrong, everyone who speaks said language has my sincerest apologies.

French Translations:
-You're not dressed?
-I was about to prepare for the night.
- There will be important people from the Ministry present so I expect you to show some respect.
-Do not disappoint me, Regulus. You will not like the consequences.
-Yes, Mother.
-It's my fault.

I'll try to make sure that there are context clues for anything that is spoken in French.

Ugh, Regulus, you precious precious boy. You were right there! So close.

As both an older sibling, and younger, there are layers to the bond that's forged in an abusive home. No will be able to convince me that Sirius would just LEAVE without his little brother, no matter what Regulus said. I've been known to literally throw my younger siblings over my shoulder kicking an screaming to get them out an abusive home.

So I wanted to explore the idea that Regulus had to send his brother away while Sirius was knocked out. This doesn't mean that their relationship will be perfect, however, cause it's not. They had issues that they will have to work out...but in time.

Either way, I'm obsessed with the Black brothers' relationship.

Welp, that's all for now. My posting schedule should be weekly, but life does happen. If you guys have thoughts, concerns, questions or just plain observations be sure to leave them in the box below.