Chapter Text
STEDE:
He really shouldn’t be looking at this at work. Stede knows that. It’s just that whenever he gets a notification that Blackbeard17 has posted, a little shiver goes down his spine. Well. Stede’s no anatomist, but he’s pretty sure the spine and the phallus are not connected.
In any case, Blackbeard17 is the hottest kink streamer Stede has ever seen. He only ever shows himself from a bit below the neck down, but his belly is incredible. He’s often wearing tight button-down shirts that strain around its girth, and he doesn’t talk in his streams or posts, but Stede could come untouched just to the sounds of his overstuffed moans.
Stede’s finger hovers over his phone for a moment before he decides. He glances around his office furtively just to ensure that no one has appeared in the last thirty seconds, then swipes to reveal Blackbeard17’s latest post.
Blackbeard17: oof. Really outdid myself at lunch today. Had a footlong sub, chips, giant cookie, and large soda. Then another cookie. Send belly rubs.
This is accompanied by a photo of Blackbeard17 ’s belly from above, the detritus of his lunchtime binge in front of him. He looks so huge and bloated and it makes Stede so horny.
He’s not going to do anything about it now– he is at work and he does have some boundaries, but Stede can’t help himself. He clicks on the comment box and types quickly.
GentlemanPirate: good job! You look so full.
Stede’s never commented before, but he’s noticed that Blackbeard17 has many frequent commenters on his posts, so why not? Stede’s a fan, too. It’s not like Blackbeard17 is going to specifically notice GentlemanPirate amongst his other dozens of commenters.
Stede’s scrolling through the other comments when he jumps, startled.
“Doing something naughty?”
His T.A. Lucius Spriggs is lounging in the doorway of his office, idly twirling the ends of his long silk scarf between his fingers. The theme of his outfit today is “it’s giving queer pirate representation, honey”, or at least that’s what Lucius had said when Stede had complimented his scarf and striped shirt before lecture this morning.
“Lucius,” Stede starts, quickly closing his app and turning his phone face down on his desk. “We have talked about professionalism, have we not?”
Lucius rolls his eyes. “We have.”
“And,” Stede continues, a bit wearily, as this is not the first time they’ve had this particular conversation, “you do want to be a professor someday, too, yes? Then I’m sure you’ll want an excellent letter of rec from yours truly. So let’s stop assuming that every time I’m reading something with great concentration that I’m participating in some kind of online sex dungeon or whatever it is that you imagine.”
“You’re the one who said ‘sex dungeon’, not me,” Lucius says, but then he stands up straighter. “Sorry, Professor Bonnet. I am trying.”
“Well, try harder,” Stede says, although he still gives Lucius a smile. To be completely fair, Lucius is completely right (although not about the sex dungeon), and Stede really shouldn’t be looking at Blackbeard17’s content while he’s on campus. One of these days he’s going to slip up and then he’ll have a real problem on his hands, not just an art professor ex-wife who keeps using Stede’s tribulations as inspiration for her art or a T.A. who dresses like he’s a figure skating commentator.
“Anyway…” Lucius raises an eyebrow, and Stede does jump up this time.
“Ah, yes, you’re right. Am I late for that presentation again?”
“Not yet,” Lucius says, “but if you don’t get on down to the conference room in the next few minutes you probably will be.”
“All right,” Stede says, and quickly gathers up his phone and his notes. “Let’s go tell the department about some developments in deep sea archeology, shall we?”
***
Stede’s quickly distracted from thoughts of Blackbeard17 when he has to call the IT department for some help with his PowerPoint. Again.
And IT department calls usually mean that Stede gets to see Edward Teach– aka Ed, Stede’s work crush.
Stede and technology do not get along well, which results in frequent calls to IT… and frequent sightings of Ed, who has the most perfect physique Stede has ever seen outside of kink streamers online. He’s delightfully chubby, with the cutest double chin that Stede can see when Ed is frowning down at whatever mess Stede’s made of his lecture presentations, and he has a large belly that’s often straining his IT department polo shirts. Once, Stede even got a brief peek at Ed’s underbelly when his polo came untucked and Stede almost perished on the spot.
It doesn’t help that Ed is about the nicest person Stede works with, and he never seems to get annoyed with Stede’s frequent technological mishaps and blunders. In fact, he generally seems pleased to see Stede as well, something that Lucius has recently taken to teasing Stede about.
“Hey, mate,” Ed says when he enters the conference room. “PowerPoint buggin’ you again, I hear?”
“I’m not sure what happened,” Stede says, stepping aside so that Ed– and his belly– can fit behind the podium and Ed can peer at the screen. “It won’t go into presenter mode.”
“Boomers, amirite?” Lucius monotones in the background, and Ed chuckles.
“I think Professor Bonnet and I here are Gen Xers,” he says. “And I get just as many IT pleas for help from you young lot, too.”
“Oh, Ed,” Stede starts, hesitating. “You don’t have to call me Professor Bonnet! Not even Lucius does that.”
“You know I don’t,” Lucius says, and Ed chuckles again.
“Right, sorry, mate. It’s Stede, I know.” He lets out a little grunt as he leans over, and then gives Stede a rueful grin. “Sorry, I had a little too much lunch today.” He pats one hand on the top of his belly and Stede feels like he might melt into the floor. First Blackbeard17’s new post and now his hot work crush saying inadvertently kinky things, all in the same thirty minute span? Stede’s not built for this.
“Quite all right,” Stede manages, internally congratulating himself on regulating his voice. “We all have our vices.”
Ed grins back at him at that, brown eyes crinkling at the corners, and then hits a key triumphantly. Stede’s powerpoint blazes onto the projector screen.
Stede wants to say more to Ed to thank him for his continued help but then some of the other department faculty members file into the room and Stede has to look as professor-ly as possible. In his anxiety over giving a good overview of his latest research project, Stede loses track of Ed and doesn’t see him leave.
The rest of the day is a whirlwind of various professorial activities- supervising Lucius’ creation of a grade rubric for an assignment; accidentally overhearing Lucius’ completely adorable conversation with his new boyfriend; and teaching a late afternoon class.
Stede doesn’t even have time to glance at his phone until he’s getting into his car to drive home– and when he does, another little shiver goes straight to his dick.
Blackbeard17 has loved your comment!
***
ED:
Ed had set up his kink blog a fair few years ago - the whole scene hadn’t really been on his radar for a while, but once it was…well, it’s the reason his 2XL wardrobe is currently painfully tight, almost ready to be replaced. Probably past ready to be replaced to be honest, but there’s something thrillingly hot about wearing his clothes until he physically can’t anymore. Plus, bursting out of them makes for good content on his blog, so…
It’s a fun little hobby for him. He’d always found it pretty hot to glut himself on pizza, and now he can share that with people. Sometimes he even gets little donations sent by ‘fans’ - which means free pizza. Can’t knock that.
Having already posted today, Ed scrolls through his phone lazily, checking on the comments on his large lunch. He has a fair few admirers, but still, he recognises most of them. There’s a new comment that catches his eye though, from GentlemanPirate. A quick click through reveals an empty blog, but the comment itself is polite, complimentary. A breath of fresh air really. He loves the comment before he can stop himself. He’s always had a soft spot for a gentleman.
Then he deliberates on what to post that evening, scrolling through his pics. He stops on one, an idea forming. The photo must be 5 years old, a full body shot of Ed in his now retired leather jacket, all asymmetrical zips and sharp lines. In it he looks lean, defined. An idea forms.
Digging out the old jacket from the base of his wardrobe only takes five minutes. It takes much longer to actually wrangle himself into it. He has to wiggle to even get it over his shoulders, and getting it closed isn’t even a question. It sits open, a good four or five inches from closing. The hem, too, is far too short. God, he didn’t quite realize how much his belly was hanging these days. It sits too low for the jacket to cover, a few inches of flesh on show.
By the time Ed sets up the camera, he’s panting. Out of breath from putting a fucking jacket on, fuck. It’s hot. He poses naturally, mimicking the same showy slouch of the original picture. A few clicks and crops later and he has a nice before and after to post. He spends a minute or two looking at it himself, pretending he’s breathless because of the constricting clothes, not because he looks so much bigger now. Thighs thicker, even his arms clearly straining the sleeve seams. And his belly is the star of the show, swollen and heavy.
‘Five years ago to now. Think I might have put on a little weight. It’s not that noticeable, right? ;)’
He posts the picture before he can overthink it, and finds himself smiling at the first notification that comes through. GentlemanPirate likes your photo.
The next day at work Ed is trying his best to not be in a bad mood. Only he had one of those nights, with dreams so vivid it felt like he didn’t sleep a wink. So he’d overslept, meaning that morning he couldn’t do his usual Starbucks stop off for a cream-topped caramel latte and a pastry (or two).
So now he’s at work, sleepy and hungry. Which doesn’t seem fair at all.
When his computer pings though, it feels like his day is changing. Professor Bonnet - Stede - needs help in his office. Stede is just a fucking delight honestly, polite and friendly, and yet sometimes he’ll say or do the maddest, most brilliant shit. He has not one but two pairs of slippers for his office, not wanting to ‘sit in brogues all day’ and also needing to ‘ensure they match my outfit’, like, what the fuck?
Ed regularly thanks his lucky stars that Stede is so shit with computers, because it means he gets to see him almost every day.
Arriving at Stede’s office, Ed finds him, embroidered slippers on, mid-way through paperwork (though he’s lost some of it in the ‘aether’ apparently). He leans over Stede’s shoulder to take a look, and tries not to focus on the fact that they’re so close he can feel Stede’s body heat.
“Ah, yeah. I see, mate. The stuff you want is saved, don’t worry. Just you’re looking in downloads, and your documents are in, well, documents.” He points at the file name, trying to act perfectly normal when Stede leans in to squint at the text. He’s wearing gold rimmed glasses. It’s not fair. This day isn’t fair.
As if the universe hears him, his belly takes that as its cue to grumble loudly. Ed flushes, stepping back from Stede jerkily. “Sorry, uh, skipped breakfast.”
If anything, it makes Ed blush more to see how concerned Stede looks at that, his blonde brow furrowing, AWOL paperwork forgotten.
“So I’ll just go-” Ed starts, at the exact same time Stede blurts:
“Would-you-like-to-grab-lunch?”
Ed blinks.
“You wanna grab lunch with me?”
Stede nods hurriedly, already standing, adorable pink spots high on his cheeks.
“I’m free now, if you are?”
And Ed can only nod too, following Stede to his fancy car. The inside of the car smells of pine, and is fucking wood-panelled, like something straight out of the 50s.
Ed doesn’t know where he expects Stede to take them. Somewhere fancy maybe. Or maybe just Starbucks. What he isn’t expecting is for Stede to pull up in a McDonald’s parking lot.
“Is this okay?”
It’s great. Unexpected, but Ed does love a McDonald’s. “More than okay,” he reassures.
Once inside, Ed restrains himself a little. He watches Stede order a medium chicken nugget meal and a Sprite, before Ed gets himself a large Big Mac meal, some mozzarella dippers, and a Coke. Were he home alone, he’d probably add some nuggets on top of that, but that doesn’t feel right for a first lunch with a colleague. Even a sweet, brilliant colleague.
Stede quickly relaxes once they start eating, and the conversation flows easily. Ed finds himself laughing more than he thought he could, drawn into crazy hypotheticals, tittering as Stede gets wonderfully bitchy about the department on the floor above. Ed knows from computer-fixing experience that they’re total assholes, so it’s nice to have that confirmed.
All the while, he sates his hunger with a lovely lunch. The food is hot and salty. Pretty soon he’s snaffling his last handful of fries, and sucking down the rest of the soda. His tummy feels full and heavy, but pleasantly so. So much better than the yawning hunger of before. Day saved.
He pats his belly a little, and burps under his breath, beneath his hand. “‘Scuse me,” he mutters, trying not to flush, eyes on the table.
“No, no, it’s fine,” Stede says hurriedly, before changing the subject. Their easy conversation continues as Stede drives them back to campus. Ed has to get back to work, but still, he finds himself hesitating as he says goodbye to Stede, who is smiling softly, still chit-chatting. Eventually Ed ends up clapping him on the shoulder and thanking him for a lovely lunch, before walking away, lest he accidentally get fired.
By dinnertime the physical effects of his lunch have worn off, even if the emotional effects haven’t. He feels warm, open. Excited. With that in mind, he pulls off his top and opens his trousers, and snaps a quick close up picture of his soft and empty belly. Gentle evening light highlighting the raised lines of old stretch marks which bracket his navel.
‘Thinking about what to get for dinner...’
He gets a quick shower, changes into a soft, dark purple button down, and checks his phone. And almost drops it.
Someone has used his donation link, and sent $100. The donation is anonymous, but there’s a message attached.
‘Treat yourself x’
***
STEDE:
Stede’s not entirely sure what’s come over him. It’s like the little heart from Blackbeard17 imbued him with sudden courage, because now he went and asked out his work crush for lunch? And then that went so well that once he got home he’d sent Blackbeard17 an anonymous $100 donation to treat himself.
Good lord. Stede’s losing it.
And then his phone lights up again with another notification.
Blackbeard17 is going live!
Fuck. Fuuuuuuuck.
As far as Stede’s seen, Blackbeard17 never talks on camera, but he certainly doesn’t skimp on the belly sounds, which Stede is very much a fan of.
There are some typing sounds, then text appears on the screen in front of Blackbeard17’s usual streaming setup- an office chair in front of a blank wall.
An anonymous donor sent me some $ to treat myself… I had a hard time deciding between pizza and wings, but then I realized I didn’t have to choose. ;) Thank you, anonymous!
Stede, already half-hard, has to let out a gasp when he lets his hand wander down to his dick. Jesus, God, Mary, Buddha, whomever…
Stede rushes to undo his pants and then prop his phone up against something so he can watch Blackbeard17’s live stream and take care of himself at the same time. After watching Ed eat at lunch, he’s been primed for this all day and Blackbeard17 stuffing himself on food Stede bought him is just the thing to send him to the edge.
Now there’s a rustling sound and then Blackbeard17’s belly fills the screen as he sits heavily in the office chair. He’s dressed in another one of those tight button-down shirts, and Stede’s dick aches at the thought that he might pop some of the buttons off tonight. Stede gives himself a quick stroke, then stops because he wants to watch Blackbeard17 stuff himself a bit first.
Stede manages to last while Blackbeard17 shows his bounty: a large pepperoni pizza, a large order of boneless wings, and a 2L of soda. Stede makes it through Blackbeard17 ’s first half of the pizza or so, still feeling more turned on than he’d ever believed possible. Although, considering that Stede hadn’t realized that he was gay until a year ago… perhaps that isn’t saying all that much.
Blackbeard17 isn’t a quiet eater- Stede can hear his lips smacking, the sound of him chewing, and taking long swallows of soda. After a particularly long gulp, he pauses, then lets out a long, rumbling belch with a little groan afterwards. He shifts on the office chair, and Stede’s dick is so hard he could jackhammer a hole right through the couch, and then–
And then there’s the distinctly audible sound of one of Blackbeard17’s shirt buttons giving up the ghost.
Stede comes so hard and fast that he sees stars, literally.
***
Oftentimes when he watches kink videos like this, Stede finds himself exiting the window once he’s had his orgasm. Not so with Blackbeard17’s videos- Stede cleans himself up and then watches until Blackbeard17 turns the camera around to show the empty pizza box and wing container, belching loudly in the background as if in triumph.
The camera switches off, and then more text appears on the screen:
Gonna go pass out into a food coma now… not used to being so spoiled. Thanks again, anonymous! ;)
***
ED:
The donations had kept coming. At least once a week, if not more, payments with messages of polite encouragement would drop into his account. And it'd be rude to not spend them, right? Ed doesn't stream all the time, but he tries to post pictures, even gifs sometimes, to say thanks. Pics with his full belly in the foreground, empty food bags in the background. A gif of a drip of melted ice cream running over the crest of his gut. A photo of an empty plate.
Six weeks of this, and Ed's wardrobe is fast becoming unwearable. He can get his pants done up, but he daren't sit in them, they'd pop apart. He feels hot and prickly all over as he orders the next size up in his work polo.
Before getting rid of clothes, he poses in them, button down obscenely pulling across his belly, jeans open and splayed wide, a soft expanse of tummy filling the gap. He pouts for the photo, even though he knows he's going to crop his face out.
'Blowing up lately. Eaten my way out of my wardrobe..'
An hour or so later, he checks his phone, to see a substantially larger donation has come in. Attached is a message that just reads: 'Sorry xx'
Ed's been trying to work out the identity of his mystery donor since this started, and he has his suspicions, but it's hard to interact with someone who posts so little. GentlemanPirate's blog contains no content, not even a bio. His comments have stayed pretty lovely actually, but to dm him out of the blue on a hunch …it feels dumb.
Still, he just has this feeling. He feels giddy as he uses the donation to buy some larger clothes, already planning the post he's going to do when they arrive.
At work, Stede has remained the best part of his days, admiration having spiralled into a full blown crush. Thankfully, the man remains as proficient with computers as an octogenarian, so they see each other almost daily.
He hasn't mentioned anything about Ed's most recent weight gain, though he must have noticed. Other people have. He was working on the floor above Stede's a couple of days ago when he overheard a few of those snooty bastards muttering to each other about the size of him. It was odd - in that he really wanted to punch them in the face, then get himself off in the bathroom, in that order.
But still, nothing from Stede. And if Ed even tentatively or jokingly brings it up, Stede tends to flush and stammer and change the subject. He honestly can't tell if Stede is into it, or if he actually is just that polite.
When he drops by Stede's office a few days later (his mic isn't working on video calls, apparently) his TA is in the room with him, clutching a big leather bound journal and scribbling frantically as Stede dictates due dates and topics. He stops mid-sentence when he catches sight of Ed, a wide grin unfurling on his face.
"Ed!" Stede says his name so joyfully, he feels his cheeks pinken above his short beard.
"Hey," he replies, aiming for cool, trying not to scowl when he sees the smirk on the little TA's face. "Hear you're having an issue with your mic?"
Stede rolls back in his chair automatically, making room for Ed beside him at his ornate desk. "Yes, no one can hear me in meetings at the moment…of course Professor Badminton said that's no bad thing…but I thought I really ought to get it fixed."
Ed feels his brow furrow at that. There was an heaviness to it that undercut the joke. What sort of fucking moron didn't enjoy listening to Stede? "Sounds like a prick, mate. Let me have a quick look."
He shimmies in next to Stede, bending over a little. Fuck, he feels big, bigger, like this, squeezed into this space. He forces himself to focus on the computer in front of him, as Stede's TA clears his throat pointedly.
"I'm going to like, go?" He cuts in, already sauntering towards the door, leaving with one last look at Stede, who is..blushing a little?
Stede recovers with a little cough, turning back to Ed. "That shirt's a lovely color."
Ed smiles back at him, genuinely. "Thanks mate. It's just what my old one looked like before I washed it one too many times. Had to size up."
He says it casually, but watches Stede carefully. Pink splotches appear on his cheeks. Maybe? Maybe he's not projecting this time?
"Um. That's. Well, lovely-" Stede stutters, but Ed's work phone buzzes, interrupting him. Another job. He finishes up quickly, doing what he could have done a few minutes ago but he was loath to move, and turns Stede mic back on with two clicks.
"All sorted," he says brightly, stepping away. His phone buzzes again. "I'm sorry I've gotta go, I'll see you later."
He's almost at the door when he turns around again, the words escaping before he can overthink them. "And don't listen to that Badminton bastard. I love listening to you talk."
Stede is gaping at him when he lets the door close, trying not to think about the feeling fluttering in his chest.
When he arrives home that evening, there's a package on his doorstep, and he grins. New clothes always excite him. He changes into new soft black velour pants excitedly, matching them with a sheer black long sleeved top made of a dense mesh.
Admiring himself in front of the mirror, he poses, loving the way that the clothes do nothing to disguise his growing figure. His belly feels massive, curving out and starting to hang , and the pants cling to his wider thighs, his bigger ass. Fuck, he looks fat.
He sets up his camera excitedly, almost giggling, and sprawls out in bed demurely. The photos are hot, if he does say so himself, he looks…decadent, indulged.
Ed crops his face out as always, and uploads. The caption reads: 'New clothes courtesy of an anonymous donor. Hope you like them. ;)'
What he doesn't notice is that though he's wearing his usual long sleeves in the photo, the shirt is transparent enough that a few of his tattoos peek through. Nothing major, some are just shadows, but it's enough for someone who admires them day in, day out, to recognize.
***
STEDE:
Stede’s father had always said that Stede was dense.
“Like a rock,” Bonnet the senior had liked to say. “Or perhaps a boulder.”
Stede has done a lot (a lot) of work in therapy to get himself to stop listening to things his late father had said about him, but good lord. Stede’s work crush is the same goddamn person as his dream internet kink crush? Stede has to be made of osmium, earth’s densest metal.
There’s no way Stede wouldn’t recognize those tattoos- because even beneath dense mesh, those are Ed ’s tattoos. Stede’s tried not to stare, but he can’t help it. The man is in his office basically every day to help him with some technological snafu or other and he has nice arms. What’s Stede supposed to do? Not notice them?
In all previous gifs and photos and videos, Blackbeard17 has been careful to wear long sleeves and keep his face cropped out, but he– Ed – must’ve been so excited to try on his new outfit and show it off that he’d forgotten.
It makes sense– Stede’s sure that one has to be careful on the internet, what with creeps and stalkers and whatnot.
But this little slip-up seems like fate, even if it makes Stede want to go hyperventilate into a paper bag for a few minutes. Blackbeard17 is Ed. Ed is Blackbeard17. Stede’s dream kink crush is also his new work friend slash crush.
Now Ed’s new work polo makes a lot more sense.
Fuck. Stede had been the one to make that happen, hadn’t he? Somewhat? As GentlemanPirate, sending Blackbeard17 – Ed– all of those treats and overly generous donations to “treat himself.”
Stede either has to pass out or jerk off right now. Maybe both?
Stede’s finger shakes as he swipes back to Ed’s kink streaming profile. It’s all so clear now– Stede can hardly believe that he hadn’t realized earlier. Every luscious curve of Blackbeard17’s body is the same as Ed’s, it’s just that Blackbeard17 has never been wearing a work polo in any of his content.
How the fuck is Stede going to interact with Ed in any kind of normal way at work tomorrow? Especially after their last interaction when Ed had been so very lovely to Stede about that asshole Badminton? Ed’s warm brown eyes had lingered on Stede’s face as he’d paused in the doorway of Stede’s office, like he could hardly stand to leave. Like the place he’d most want to be in the world was in Stede’s cozy little office.
Stede’s cock twitches, like it’s annoyed with Stede for not looking at Ed’s new photos some more, and Stede can’t help himself- he has to reach down and give himself a squeeze.
There’s something to be said for that post-ejaculation clarity, right? Perhaps this will help him figure out what to do…
***
In all, three masturbatory sessions over a variety of Ed’s videos and photos hadn’t really helped Stede come up with a solution to his problem. If Lucius weren’t his graduate student assistant, Stede would love to ask his opinion. Lucius has a steady boyfriend who seems to adore him and from the sound of it, Lucius knows what he’s doing with dating another man.
Stede huffs, clicking his email inbox open again and then closing the window. He brings up the university’s instant messaging system– his last message to Ed is right there, tempting him to send another.
It wouldn’t exactly be a lie to say that he’s having an issue with his computer, right?
Stede Bonnet: hello, Ed! I hate to say it, but… I’m having another kerfuffle with my P.C. Would you be able to stop by and take a look? I so appreciate your help. :)
Stede second-guesses every keystroke of his message the instant he sends it, but then there isn’t time to overthink it for too long because little dancing ellipses appear beneath Ed’s name almost immediately.
Edward Teach: Stede! I was just thinking of you. Sure, I’ll pop on by in a moment.
Ed was…thinking about him? Stede’s going to need that paper bag after all.
***
Logically, Stede knows that there isn’t that much distance between the IT office and his own- especially when one takes the elevator, as he knows Ed is wont to do. Still, it feels like Ed’s there at lightning speed, so quickly that Stede lets out a comical little gasp when Ed raps his knuckles on the open door of Stede’s office.
“Stede?”
God. And of course now that Stede’s listening for it, he can hear the timbre of Blackbeard17’s sexy little moans in Ed’s voice.
Cheeks already feeling warm, Stede does his best to casually turn towards the door, with perhaps a little flip of his hair– and manages to entangle one of his fancy office slippers into the computer cord and pull it out of the wall. The screen of his monitor goes frighteningly dark and Stede’s face could fry an egg.
“Oops,” is all Stede can think to say, all his brain seems capable of saying, because then Ed is coming over in that new polo shirt (the one Stede had anonymously bought for him, in the next size up) and getting down onto the floor with a grunt.
“Oh, my!” Stede says. “Did you want me to– um– ah–” he trails off as Ed fishes around underneath Stede’s desk for a moment, finding where the cord goes back into the wall. Stede tries desperately to lift his gaze upward at the ceiling so that he’s not thinking about Ed on his knees in front of him and the way he can see a little strip of plush flesh in between the hem of Ed’s new polo and the waistband of his pants.
“No problem, mate,” Ed says, clambering back up, and standing there right next to Stede, still in his desk chair. “Good thing I was coming up here already, isn’t it?”
Ed grins and Stede can see how his cheek dimples. All Stede wants to do is pepper Ed’s lovely double chin and his little beard all over with kisses.
“I suppose so,” Stede manages finally, although it feels a bit like he’s been running up the stairs (though Stede is also a frequent elevator-user).
“We’ll get you rebooted and then see what’s going on, yeah?” Ed still hasn’t asked Stede to move from his chair, and Stede’s not going to get up now– not when he’s this close to Ed and his perfect ass and his perfect love handles and his perfect everything.
Knowing exactly what Ed looks like when he’s popping the buttons off of a shirt makes it feel all the more tantalizing to be this close to him.
Stede’s computer makes a sort of starting-up sound and Ed moves a little closer, reaching for Stede’s mouse and brushing his ass up against the armrest of Stede’s chair. He still doesn’t ask Stede to move.
“Just gonna let it have a moment,” Ed narrates, although Stede truly does not care if his desktop works now or ever again, as long as he can live in this interstice of time where Ed is close enough to touch.
“Sure, of course,” Stede says, almost babbling, and takes out his phone just for something to do with his hands. Some sort of distraction to keep himself from utterly losing it.
Of course, opening his phone immediately brings him to the last thing he was looking at– Blackbeard17’s page– and Stede sucks in a quick breath as he sees that Ed’s posted a new photo.
It’s in one of the university bathrooms- Stede recognizes the tile. Ed– Blackbeard17 – has his new work polo pulled up to display his belly and one hand resting on its curve.
Blackbeard17: had a big breakfast. Can you tell? ;)
Stede is so distracted by this that he doesn’t notice that Ed’s turned around and is looking down at him.
“See something good on there?” he asks, and Stede flinches, scrambling to close the app. As he does, his finger swipes over the heart button, and Stede can hear Ed’s phone buzz in his pocket.
Probably says something along the lines of, GentlemanPirate has loved your photo!
Oh fuck.
“I have to–” Stede starts, then gets up. “Um. I just remembered that I have a meeting. I’m sorry, but I have to go.”
***
ED:
Ed blinks, shocked into silence as Stede all but runs from the room. Weird. He can't help letting his face fall a little, replaying the interaction in his head. He hadn't done anything to spook Stede, right? So why had he run from the room like it was rigged to explode?
Ed drops himself into Stede's desk chair, frowning. The chair is still warm from Stede's body heat, and the thought makes him sigh. It also feels small, the armrests flush against his softer thighs. Damn. The thought makes his cock twitch a little, but he ignores it. Really not the time.
Maybe Stede is just ill or something? Or he really does have a meeting? For a man so incredibly bright, he can be pretty scatterbrained, Ed thinks affectionately.
Stede's desktop powers back on fully with a little trill, and Ed grasps at the mouse to distract himself. Time to fix whatever the issue is today - maybe he'll have to unmute the speakers, or find a minimized window or something equally challenging.
At that moment, Stede’s windows reload, filling the screen. And Ed feels his mouth go dry.
Staring back at him is his own blog.
For one moment, Ed considers the idea that this whole day might be one really realistic nightmare, a proper 'arriving at work to find you're not dressed' scenario. But no, he blinks several times, and the window is still there.
What the fuck?
How the fuck did Stede even find this? He's always careful to not put anything too identifiable on there. He scrolls quickly, a sea of his own belly flying past, and nothing. No accidentally uncropped face, no college logo.
A second thought hits Ed then. Stede has seen his blog. Oh shit. Stede might have watched him stuff himself, seen him luxuriating beneath a rumbling swollen gut, while he moaned in captions about how fat he's getting? His face feels like it's on fire, like there are actual, real-life flames licking his cheeks. "Oh fuck…"
It all becomes too much, and Ed grabs at the mouse so he can just close the window and pretend this never happened when he sees it.
Stede is logged in. And Ed's heart stops for a second time when he sees the display name. GentlemanPirate.
"No fucking way," he breathes, gaping.
So, Stede had seen everything. And he…had appreciated it? Ed casts his mind back, seeing every GentlemanPirate comment in a new light. Now, thinking about it, the oddly polite and chivalrous comments were written with Stede's unique cadence and rhythm. On some level, he'd noticed that, and that was part of why he found them so charming.
And. Shit. Ed glances around the room, Stede's office. Takes in the plush rug, the pretty hardbacks, the paintings (plural!) - and Ed would bet his bottom dollar that his hunch about the donations was right.
After all, everything about Stede says treat yourself, from their first shared lunch to the comfort of this chair.
Ed blows out a long breath, trying to steady himself. Stede had seen his blog. Stede had been encouraging him. A million questions swirl in his brain like a mini tornado, but one wins out. Why on earth had Stede left this open?
For one moment, something dark gathers over him like a storm cloud. The worst part of him immediately insistent that this is all some kind of fucked up game or joke, at his expense.
Then he thinks about Stede. Stede, with his soft, half-bewildered smile. The scrunch on his nose. The glasses he wears on a fucking chain. The slippers he walked out wearing. And his heart tells him what really happened. This was an accident. Stede can't work a computer for toffee, never mind set up some kind of weird trap. He had never intended for Ed to see this.
But he had. And the only person who can answer his questions now is Stede himself.
He takes a deep breath, still a little shaky, but makes up his mind. He closes the window on Stede's computer, and grabs his own phone.
Ed leans back in Stede's nice office chair, and stares into his front camera. He takes the photo from a high angle, making his eyes big, his mouth an effortless half-pout. He hopes it looks sultry, innocent though it is.
He opens a dm thread with GentlemanPirate and sends the photo. 'You left your tabs open, mate. Think we should talk x'
Then he drops his phone, and settles back to wait. Fuck.
***
STEDE:
It isn’t the first time that Stede’s had a mini panic attack in one of the faculty bathrooms. There’d been that whole thing with Mary after Stede had realized that he was gay and Mary had asked for a divorce.
After the extreme difficulty of securing joint faculty appointments in history and art, Stede had been mortified. He’d immediately catastrophized, thinking that everyone in both departments would think that he and Mary had had a sham marriage in order to obtain their faculty positions. Stede had been sure that it’d happened before- faculty positions are so hard to get, and some people will do anything– surely, even enter into a false marriage for the slight extra advantage of getting joint appointments.
That hadn’t been it, though- Stede had just been incredibly oblivious. When Mary had gently brought up the topic, Stede had crumpled into tears.
“I know this isn’t working for you,” Mary had said. “And it’s certainly not working for me. I think we’d be happier apart. Not married, anyway. We’ll figure everything out with the kids, don’t worry.”
And of course Mary had almost instantly begun a serious relationship with someone else in the art department. And Stede does like Doug very much, he does – but it had still felt like a knife in the gut to see him and Mary so happy together. Especially when Stede would show up to pick up the kids for his weekends- seeing Mary, Doug, Alma, and Louis all together inside the house– like a family – had been difficult.
Stede hadn’t had any idea how to start dating men.
And then he’d started doing some research on sexuality, and trying to figure out what actually turned him on. Furtive incognito mode internet searches of words like big belly man had brought Stede to the weight gain and stuffing kink niches of tumblr and youtube, and it had been a whole new awakening.
Who knew that one could feel this way? That one’s phallus could be so erect that it would hurt to not get off to the videos of gorgeous, lusciously plump men stuffing their faces with pizza and ice cream and cake?
Blackbeard17 had been Stede’s favorite online stuffer from the beginning- he’d fallen in immediate lust with his warm brown skin, the teasing tone of his posts, and his seemingly insatiable appetite.
Stede swallows, thinking about how he’d started sending Blackbeard17 tips, jerking off nightly to Blackbeard17’s new posts about stuffing himself with food Stede’s money had bought and about buying himself new clothes to outgrow.
And now Blackbeard17 – Ed– knows who Stede is.
Stede barely knows himself. How can he handle his sweet, patient work crush Ed knowing this most intimate part of Stede’s inner life? Stede hasn’t even told Ed that he’s gay, or that he has a complicated (although, blessedly, amicable) relationship with his ex-wife and their two small children?
Just then, Stede’s phone buzzes. Stede sniffles, then swipes to read the message.
It’s through tumblr’s DM system, and it’s from Ed. Since Ed’s last message had made Stede’s heart rate go up to about 200bpm, Stede’s nervous.
Ed clearly knows so much more about technology and the internet and all of that than Stede, so he could easily use this to blackmail Stede. Stede’s not sure to what end, but the idea of it makes his fingers shake.
Blackbeard17: Please, Stede. I really want to talk to you. I’m still in your office. <3
Fingers still shaking, Stede manages to tap out a response.
GentlemanPirate: Okay. I’m coming.
***
Ed’s still sitting in Stede’s office chair, and he doesn’t get up when Stede comes in and quietly shuts the door.
“Hey,” Ed says in a quiet voice, and Stede has to very carefully and slowly raise his gaze to meet Ed’s.
“I–” Stede starts, and stops when Ed speaks at the same time.
“No, you.” Ed smiles at him in a soft way, and Stede’s feet bring him over to the plush leather armchair where so many undergrads have cried over their term papers and Stede has handed them tissues from the conveniently placed box.
The huff of Stede’s sigh sounds too loud in the space, and it’s still difficult to look at Ed, although when Stede does hazard another quick peek at him, Ed’s just waiting for Stede to speak, his face neither distraught nor elated.
Stede swallows. “I, uh. It’s me.” He swallows again. “GentlemanPirate. I, uh.” Stede pauses, twisting his fingers into each other in his lap. “I’m a big fan of yours, Ed.”
Before Ed can say anything to that, Stede rushes on.
“And not just your kink page! That’s the least of it, really, especially now that I know it’s you . I so enjoy the time we spend together at work and how you’ve never lost your patience with me and my computer woes, although I’m sure I’ve merited it many times.”
At this, Ed lets out a short little chuckle and Stede lets a small smile flit across his own face before continuing.
“And it was one thing when it was all fantasy. I don’t really have any experience with any of this! Kink or dating men. And so it was fun to play around with teasing you online before I knew it was you. And then taking it even more slowly with you here at work because I’m a fucking mess who doesn’t know how to tell someone that he has a crush on him. I don’t know if that made any sense.”
Stede’s feeling like he just took the stairs all the way up to his office, and that’d be saying something because he always takes the elevator.
“You just”-- Stede pauses, then makes a point to make eye contact with Ed, who’s leaning forward in the office chair, his belly resting on his thighs. “-- you make me happy, Ed. That’s all.”
***
ED:
Ed blinks, feeling slightly overcome. He didn't know what he'd expected - but it wasn't this . Somehow, his mouth opens without his permission, and the truth comes tumbling out. "You make me happy too."
Then he shakes himself, the rest of Stede's spiel sinking in. "Wait. You didn't know it was me?"
Stede flushes, brilliant fire-truck red. "No. Not until last night."
Ed's head is reeling, again. Anyone else, and he'd call bullshit, but Stede is so sincere, his answers spilling like wine, messy and uncontrolled. He's telling the truth. "How did you figure it out?"
If anything, Stede blushes brighter. Ed could probably pop a pack of popcorn by holding it against Stede's bright cheek. "Your tattoos. You can see them in your latest pictures, just a little."
Shit. Rookie mistake. And yet Ed can't beat himself up about it too much, because regardless of anything else, his fuck up is the reason he and Stede are finally having this out. For a while there he'd thought they were doomed to spend eternity making eye contact over a crashing desktop monitor and nothing more. At least this has moved things along a bit.
Then something else hits him; Stede knows his tattoos well enough to recognize them when they're just 'a little' visible. The thought makes him a bit giddy. He smirks.
"So…you like my blog, Professor Bonnet?"
Stede gulps, audibly, and his voice is weak and breathy when he replies. "Very much so."
Ed's smile is spreading into a full blown mischievous grin when Stede speaks again. "But like I said, I like you more."
Oh, fuck it, Ed thinks, making a snap decision. He stands, as quickly as he can (not all that quickly), and crosses to stand in front of Stede, who gets up too.
Stede's eyes are wide, he's biting his lip, and his hands are shaking. Ed wants to curl up against him. Wow. There's a quiet, tremulous moment, where neither of them speak. Stede reaches out, hesitantly, and grips at Ed's softer biceps, their eyes meeting.
Ed’s pretty sure it's him that leans in, but the notion of 'who made the first move' leaves his head the second their lips meet. Finally, he thinks, almost tearful with it. It takes Stede a second to get into it, to really kiss back, but when he does, it’s with an eagerness that takes Ed’s breath away.
Stede’s hands are fluttering tentatively at his waist, and Ed grabs them, pressing them against his sides. He knows what Stede has seen, what he obviously wants. He moans against Stede’s mouth when he finally starts kneading at the excess flesh at Ed’s sides, gripping at his soft hips, stroking at his love handles.
They break apart to breathe, their foreheads pressed together, but Stede’s hands stay on Ed’s waist. “Oh God, Ed.”
Ed can’t help grinning at that, leaning in even closer, knocking his round belly against Stede’s smaller middle. “You can touch me, it’s okay.”
And he does, Stede’s hands slip from Ed’s sides to his gut, pressing against the softness, hefting it in his hands, letting it fall and wobble. Ed’s breath hitches. He loves his blog, he loves indulging, but nothing has been as devastatingly erotic as Stede’s trembling hands on his sensitive blown-out belly are right now. His dick is straining against his pants.
“Fuck,” he whispers, voice cracked down the middle, knees shaking.
Stede smiles, softly, and leans forward, to drop the softest of kisses on his rounded rosy cheek.
“You’re so beautiful.”
The words nearly make Ed drop to the floor, but Stede says them simply, gently. As though he’s remarking on the color of the sky. Like they’re an indisputable fact.
Ed kisses him again.
They make out for a while longer, messy and slow. Eventually Stede walks them backwards to the plush chair, and pulls Ed atop him, into his lap, moaning beneath his weight, touching as much as he can through his clothes.
Eventually, Ed pulls back again, giggly and flushed. “Mate, we’re at work.”
Stede sputters for a moment, still looking a little shell-shocked. His hair is a mess, and his mouth is swollen and red. He’s gorgeous. Ed can feel a velvet slipper moving repetitively against his own calf.
“So we are,” Stede sort of squeaks, and then laughs, delighted.
Ed stands with a huff, pulling down his polo, willing his erection away. Fucking hell. He’s sure his own hair is a fucking mess, but he can’t bring himself to care. He can’t stop smiling. And Stede is beaming right back at him.
“Can I see you? After work?” Stede asks, all in one breath. “I’m sorry. You probably have plans, I just-”
“No plans. I’m all yours,” Ed cuts him off gently, thrilling a little at the words, as innocuous as they are. “Meet you back here at 5?”
Stede nods so vigorously that Ed has to swallow his laugh. His chest feels light and airy, brimming with something new and warm. It takes every ounce of his strength to start walking towards the door. He’s almost there when it’s thrown open, Stede’s little TA strolling in, his arms full of papers.
“You’ll never believe what a battle getting these printed was-” He stops when he sees Ed, and his big eyes flick between him and Stede, no doubt taking in their rumpled appearance, the happy flush on both of their faces.
Ed turns back to Stede with a final: “See you later.”
He walks out and has to bite his lip as he strolls away from the office to keep from laughing out loud at the raised, incredulous voice of Stede’s TA. “Wait, what-”