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Merlin didn't realise anything was wrong at first.
For once he was actually awake at the ridiculous hour Arthur normally chose to get up, and it was quite annoying to arrive at Arthur's rooms ready to attend to his duties and get no response to his knock. Merlin decided that Arthur must have been having a rare lie-in and went to breakfast instead.
Getting no response on returning with Arthur's breakfast was even more unusual. Merlin had knocked quietly the first time but the second he banged much more loudly. Arthur had duties of his own, and if he missed them due to oversleeping Merlin knew perfectly well who would get the blame.
The loud knocking should have got a response. Even if Arthur had company he would have yelled for Merlin to bugger off, a system that had started after Merlin had entered one morning and got an eyeful of a youthfully-widowed lady of the court and Arthur that he could have done without. He made sure he knocked in the mornings now, and waited for a response.
But there was nothing, and Merlin was getting a little worried.
"Sire?" he called through the shut door and knocked again, hammered nearly. Silence.
Very tentatively, Merlin tried the door handle. It was locked.
There was still no sound of life from the chamber and Merlin was really worried now. Arthur shouldn't have slept through Merlin's knocking or call; he was a light sleeper unless sick, or drugged, or incapacitated somehow and it wasn't like those things had never happened before.
Merlin looked cautiously around the corridor but nobody was near.
"Sire?" he called again. "Arthur? Look, I'm going to come in unless you say something, so either shout now or don't kill me when I do…" He held his breath and stuck his ear against the door to catch any sound he could, but there was still nothing.
Merlin took one last look up and down and then quietly spelled the lock open, balancing the tray on one hand as he pushed open the door.
He didn't know what he was expecting, but it wasn't Arthur sitting slumped on a stool with his back to the door, elbows balanced on his knees and head in his hands.
"Arthur?" Merlin said, closing the door and then setting the tray on the table and taking a few steps nearer. "Is everything –" he began and cut himself off as Arthur stood up and turned around. "Arthur?" he squeaked, suddenly very glad that he'd put the tray down. Dropping it would make an awful mess and Merlin would definitely have dropped it because it was Arthur, but with curves, lots of curves and Merlin abruptly sat down on the ground.
"Fuck," Arthur said in a miserable voice, crossing his arms over his chest, his breasts and Merlin just stared up at him in astonishment.
Arthur was a girl.
"Stop looking at me," Arthur snarled, snatching a coat up from one of the chairs and wrapping himself up in it, and even his voice had changed, higher pitched though still commanding.
Merlin scrambled back up and dragged his eyes up to Arthur's face, less of his attention on the changes there than on how white Arthur was and the angry desperation in his eyes.
"What happened?"
"I don't know," Arthur snapped and slumped down into a chair, huddling back, and Merlin collapsed in the one opposite and struggled with shock.
"Was there anything… did anything weird happen?" Merlin asked after a few moments of awkward silence. He'd looked around the room for any lingering signs of sorcery but nothing seemed out of place or altered. Except Arthur, that is.
"No. I just went to bed, and then I woke up, and," Arthur said in a strained voice and waved a hand at himself at the end. "Until you came in, I was hoping it was a dream," he added, closing his eyes and Merlin winced in sympathy. He couldn't imagine waking up like that.
"Well, it's obviously sorcery," Merlin said and winced again at saying something that stupid as Arthur opened his eyes to glare furiously.
"And to think I ever called you an idiot," Arthur said sarcastically. "Of course it's fucking sorcery, you half-wit!"
"Sorry," Merlin muttered.
"Well?" Arthur said, drumming his fingers on the chair arm.
"Well what?"
"Fix me," Arthur said intensely and Merlin stared.
When Merlin had finally had to do magic right in front of Arthur to save his life, Arthur had immediately declared he'd seen nothing at all, said 'don't tell me' when Merlin had tried to explain and then never acknowledged the matter again. If anything showed how upset Arthur was, it was bringing up the topic he'd declared forbidden.
"I don't know how," Merlin admitted. He'd never heard of anything like this. Arthur stared at him as if he could change the answer through sheer will power and then his head sank down as he apparently accepted Merlin was telling the truth.
"You have to. I can't stay like this, Merlin, I can't," he said and Merlin sat forward in alarm because Arthur's voice had the tiniest shake and his grip on the chair arms was white-knuckled.
"You won't, I'll find a way," Merlin babbled, "and I'll get Gaius, maybe –"
"No!" Arthur said, surging out of his chair and Merlin closed his mouth with a snap. "Nobody can see me! No-one knows about this, do you understand?" He paced agitatedly around the room while Merlin watched, before eventually bracing his hands on the table edge, his head down.
"Your breakfast is on the table," Merlin said after a minute, realising it was inane but at a loss for anything else.
"Breakfast?" Arthur said incredulously. "You think I care about breakfast? Merlin, I'm a sodding girl!"
"You can still eat breakfast," Merlin persisted. It might calm Arthur down at least. "And, and we can think about what to do."
"Well, one of us can. I've never been entirely sure you're capable," Arthur said snidely but he sat down and started banging things about and spreading honey onto the bread so Merlin ignored him.
It was his turn to pace while Arthur ate and glared, but it didn't take long for Merlin to exhaust his memories of transformative spells. He'd only heard of a few and they were all for objects, not living creatures. He needed Gaius' advice.
"Stop wandering about like that," Arthur finally said peevishly and Merlin sighed impatiently but sat at the other side of the table.
"It helps me think," he explained and Arthur's lip curled, making Merlin aware that one of the things that hadn't changed was the shape of his mouth. And his temper, of course, but since that wasn't physical there was no reason it should have.
"You don't need to think. I've already got a plan: we find whoever did this and then I kill them."
"How is that going to turn you back?" Merlin asked pointedly and Arthur glared. His eyes were the same too.
"It will make me feel better."
"And how are we going to work out who did it, when we don't know how it was done?" Merlin asked. "We need Gaius. He knows far more than me."
"No," Arthur said firmly.
"And what about the training and patrolling you're supposed to do today? I can tell your father you've buggered off hunting again, but I'll end up in the stocks and then I won't be able to help. Gaius is probably the only person who can keep him off your back long enough to work this out," Merlin said, leaning forward to try and convince Arthur.
Arthur looked conflicted. "Fine," he said after a moment. "You can tell him and get his help. But I won't see him."
"Fine," Merlin said getting up.
"You're going now?" Arthur said.
"Best get started," Merlin said and Arthur nodded, but his jaw was clenched tight and Merlin hesitated. "I'll be right back," he said and Arthur shrugged moodily, but looked more relaxed as Merlin left.
~
"Good God," Gaius said when Merlin finished explaining.
"Have you ever heard of a spell for this?" Merlin asked.
"No. No, I haven't," Gaius said, shaking his head. "But I'm sure we'll find a way to fix it. Where is Arthur?"
"Holed up in his room. I thought you could tell the king he was sick," Merlin suggested.
"Hmm. Uther will probably want to see him. Could we get away with that?" Gaius asked speculatively and Merlin considered. Bundling Arthur up in bed would disguise his body, but though the changes to Arthur's face were subtle, he did look different; his features finer and less angular than before. From a distance that might not be noticeable, but there was no way they could keep Uther at a distance.
"No," Merlin said definitely.
"Right, then," Gaius said briskly. "I'll tell Uther that Arthur has a non-life-threatening but unpleasant and highly infectious illness and that I've banned all visitors, including him, for fear of it taking out the entire court."
"Will that definitely work?" If it didn't, Merlin would have to find a way to smuggle Arthur out of the castle, and there were just too many ways that could go wrong.
"Oh, yes. Especially if I add details about unsightly pustules. Uther is rather squeamish about such things. Now, if anyone asks, you suffered the same illness as a boy and should be immune, which is why you are Arthur's only permitted attendant. There, that should do, and we'll start looking for something to counter it when I get back."
"Great. I'll go tell Arthur," Merlin said as Gaius left the room. He made sure to pick up his magic book and hide it in his jacket so he could do research as well and made his way back to Arthur.
~
The door was locked again of course, but this time Arthur actually let Merlin in when he knocked. He was calmer than earlier, but still angry and wasn't particularly impressed that Gaius also hadn't heard of such a spell.
"So what good is he then? I said no-one else needed to know."
"He'll do research, like me," Merlin said getting annoyed as well. He got that this was difficult, but Arthur could be a bit more pleasant. "And for now he's telling your father you have an infectious illness with pustules and are to have no visitors, so he's some use isn't he?"
"Pustules? That's disgusting," Arthur said, screwing his face up and Merlin grinned. It looked liked Arthur was squeamish too.
"Yeah, big, oozing, weeping, green ones," he said and Arthur pulled an even worse face, told Merlin to shut up and went back to trying to wear a hole in the floor through pacing while Merlin skimmed through his book for something useful. It was a strange spell for anyone to cast; Merlin couldn't figure out the reasoning for it. It wasn't like Arthur had actually been harmed.
Eventually he had to give up because he couldn't concentrate with Arthur stamping about and making increasingly violent threats against whoever was responsible.
"Why would anyone do this?" he asked and Arthur stopped pacing and stuck his hands on his hips. Her hips? Merlin wondered, studying their new curves and then hastily looking elsewhere as Arthur glared and wrapped the coat around his body again. Definitely his hips, if Merlin wanted to remain sound of limb.
"Because they're evil and they hate me?" Arthur asked sarcastically.
"No, I mean what's the purpose? You're not dead, or hurt, you just look different," Merlin said. "So why? What's the point?"
"You're assuming they aren't just completely insane," Arthur said bitterly but he leant back against the table and looked thoughtful. "And I might as well be dead like this," he said slowly. "Like an assassination with no murder."
"What? What do you mean you might as well be dead? You're a girl, not, not something hideous or monstrous."
"But I'm not the Prince," Arthur said impatiently. "Don't you get it? My father now has no heir to his throne. The kingdom is vulnerable."
"That's ridiculous," Merlin said. "Of course you're still heir, you're still you, aren't you?"
"No," Arthur said, pacing again. "A woman can't hold the throne. The king needs to be a warlord, to lead men into battle. And I can't do that now."
"Of course you can."
"I can't fight like this, Merlin," Arthur said, gesturing violently.
"Why not? Morgana can fight," Merlin protested.
"But she can't lead an army and neither can I now. Who would follow me?"
"I… your knights would," Merlin offered but he was starting to see where Arthur was going.
"Some of them, perhaps," Arthur said, sounding tired rather than angry as he walked back to where Merlin sat. "But others would protest, and so would some of the nobles whose troops we rely on. They would challenge my right to command or refuse to acknowledge me at all and it would rip the kingdom apart." Merlin sighed in reluctant agreement as Arthur sat down again, looking like he'd been gut-stabbed and was trying to hide it. "If there is no way to turn me back, either I must abdicate or my father will have to disown me as his heir."
"Leaving the kingdom vulnerable until he chooses another," Merlin supplied softly and winced as he said it because he knew how that would hurt Arthur. "And so there is chaos for Camelot either way."
"Yes," Arthur agreed, his eyes closed. "We'd be ripe for invasion," he added and Merlin shivered. It did sound like the most plausible reason.
"I won't let that happen," he promised. "I'll get you back to normal somehow."
Arthur held his eyes for a long moment before he nodded and looked away again. He was silent after that and Merlin went back to his book. He didn't think Arthur was convinced, but he would find a way to fix this. He just didn't know how yet.
~
Arthur sent Merlin away after he had brought lunch for them both and done the rest of his tasks, so he went in search of Gaius. He hadn't had any more luck than Merlin yet and he was called away to attend a birth in the afternoon so Merlin carried on searching through the many tomes in Gaius' possession on his own.
He was also thinking through who was at court to see if he could work out who might have cast the spell. There weren't many guests that week – a group of knights from the south, a few noblemen there to petition Uther – and they were all from inside Camelot's borders so there was no obvious candidate there. Of course, someone could always be betraying Camelot but Merlin was sure his chances of discovering that were slim. And then there were all the servants and armsmen the visitors had brought with them… it wasn't like sorcerers were really easy to spot either, even for someone else magic. Merlin was usually grateful for that, but right now it made things difficult.
When he had to light candles to see what he was reading, he gave up and went to collect Arthur's dinner. When Arthur let him in, it was obvious that he was in the same mood as earlier: brooding and pissed off.
"Anything?" Arthur mumbled through a mouthful of pie and Merlin had to shake his head. Arthur gave a depressed grunt through the food in response and Merlin ducked his head and went to poke up the fire.
"There's a lot of different incantations and kinds of magic out there," he said, nudging the wood about aimlessly. "It's just going to take some time, that's all."
"How long?"
Merlin swallowed his own discouragement and tried to be more encouraging. "More than the couple of hours we've had," he said. He heard Arthur's chair scrape across the floor and turned to find Arthur had stood up.
"Fine. I'm going to bed, not like I've anything else to do," Arthur said tightly. Merlin nodded, and out of sheer habit walked over and reached to help Arthur out of his clothes.
Arthur shied away and grabbed Merlin's hands, snapping, "Merlin!" and Merlin jerked back, feeling his face go red hot. "What the hell do you think you are doing?"
"Sorry," Merlin said quickly, backing further away. "I wasn't thinking, sorry."
"Do you ever?" Arthur asked, and Merlin tucked his hands in his armpits, feeling mortified. "Oh, just get out," Arthur said with a sigh and Merlin made hastily for the door.
"Right. Going. I'll see you at breakfast," he said and escaped into the corridor, waiting to hear the lock turn before he walked away, calling himself an idiot with every step.
~
The next morning was much the same. Gaius was looking for solutions in between his physician's duties and running interference with Uther and the court and Merlin carried out his manservant duties and then sat with a pile of books in Arthur's rooms and read them when he wasn't otherwise occupied trying to distract Arthur.
The only time Merlin had seen Arthur confined to his rooms before, it was as a result of illness or injury and he hadn't been able to make much fuss. It turned out that Arthur absolutely hated not being able to go out, something Merlin probably could have predicted if he'd really thought about it.
Another thing Arthur really didn't like was not being able to act. Merlin had tried giving him one of Gaius' books to search but Arthur had put it down in disgust after barely half an hour and sat tapping his foot on the floor and staring at Merlin until Merlin was tempted to throw his own book at him.
"You're not going to fix it, are you?" Arthur eventually burst out.
"I said I would and I will," Merlin said firmly, trying to concentrate on the words before him and not the tension in Arthur's voice.
"Then why haven't you?"
"I don't know how yet," Merlin said, forcing his fingers to loosen on the pages before he tore them.
"You mean you can't," Arthur said in his most disdainful tone. "I don't know why I ever thought someone as generally useless as you could."
Merlin closed the book with a thump and glared. "I mean that I don't know how yet. And you behaving like a brat won't make me find out how any faster."
"Don't you dare talk to me like that. And I don't think you could go any slower, you've read that same page five times," Arthur snarled.
"If I've read it more than once it's because you keep distracting me," Merlin snapped back. "And if you're so unhappy with what I'm doing, why don't you fix it yourself? Oh wait, you can't," he said sarcastically and Arthur glared furiously.
"Shut up, sorcerer. It's just as well Gaius is looking too, if I have to rely on your idiocy to save me I'll be like this until I die," he retorted and Merlin stood up angrily.
"My so-called idiocy hasn't stopped me saving your life, has it? I'm sure I can save your prick too, it's much more insignificant," he taunted then had to dodge quickly as Arthur really did throw a book at him.
He shot around the other side of the table as Arthur came up out of his seat in pursuit, face livid. Merlin was sure that even as a girl Arthur could beat him to a pulp so he feinted left and then ran for the door, unlocking it magically and getting through and slamming it shut again just in time. He knew Arthur wouldn't follow him out in case there was anyone else there and sure enough, there was one loud bang from inside that was probably Arthur overturning a chair in frustration and then silence.
The stupid git.
Merlin stomped off down the corridor and nearly ran straight into Morgana and Gwen coming the other way.
"Sorry," he said, skidding to a stop to avoid a collision.
"Merlin," Morgana said as Gwen smiled at him. "How's Arthur?"
"Miserable," Merlin said with a shrug. "And spreading it around," he added, his irritation coming through clearly in his voice.
"Oh dear," Gwen said and Morgana laughed.
"That sounds like Arthur. He does so hate to be ill, especially anything that might make him less pretty," she said in an amused voice and Merlin bit his tongue because he had to admit that Arthur as a girl was actually very pretty.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" Gwen offered, looking concerned.
"No, no, that's fine," Merlin refused quickly. "I've had it before so I should be safe, but Gaius doesn't want anyone else to catch it or we'll have the entire castle stuck in bed."
"No, that would be unfortunate," Morgana said. "Though I won't say some courtiers wouldn't deserve it. Please pass on to Arthur that I hope he recovers soon."
"Of course, my lady," Merlin said obediently as Morgana walked past him. Gwen whispered 'good luck' with a commiserating smile as she followed and Merlin made his way back towards his room feeling a little calmer.
He very nearly didn't take Arthur his lunch, but finally Merlin decided that was unnecessarily petty despite Arthur being the biggest pain in the kingdom. He didn't go in with it though, just knocked and yelled to Arthur that it was on the ground and then walked off again. Merlin knew from long experience that an Arthur spoiling for a fight was one that took a long time to get his temper back under control.
By the time dinner came around it was probably safe so Merlin spelled the door open and walked in cautiously. Arthur was practicing sword drills over by the fire, the chairs pushed out of the way, and he turned as Merlin entered and set his sword up on the mantel.
"Dinner," Merlin said, gesturing at the tray he'd set down in illustration.
"So I see," Arthur agreed.
"Morgana says she hopes you feel better," Merlin said, turning to go as Arthur sat down.
"Wait," Arthur said and Merlin looked back. "There's enough for two," he offered and Merlin hesitated and then sat.
They ate in silence for a while but when there was nothing left but crumbs Arthur cleared his throat. "I was unfair earlier. I know you're doing your best."
"I might be a rotten servant sometimes, but I am quite good at magic you know," Merlin said, but he was already feeling mollified and he knew Arthur could tell by the way he just smirked in response.
The sun was setting outside so Merlin got up and lit all the candles and torches. He settled down in a chair and picked up the book to find where he'd left off. Arthur sat for a bit longer at the table and then came back over to collect his sword and start training again.
It didn't look quite right Merlin decided later, when he looked up idly at a curse from Arthur. He'd seen Arthur do this any number of times but his movements weren't quite as smooth as usual and he was frowning in frustration when he normally just looked stern.
He thought it was the physical exertion that had calmed Arthur down from earlier, but Merlin wasn't sure it was working anymore. Arthur getting outside might help, but he and Gaius had already decided there was too much risk of discovery to try that as anything other than a last resort and Merlin didn't think Arthur being unhappy qualified as that.
There was really no way that Arthur could pretend to be as he was either. He'd discarded the coat from yesterday to practice in breeches and shirt and it was very clear that no amount of binding was going to hide that his new curves were, well, very curvy. The breeches were tight enough over Arthur's hips that Merlin was sure he must have struggled to get them on, and the shirt clung in a way that made it obvious Arthur now had at least as good a bust as Gwen, maybe better. Not that Merlin had been looking at Gwen, but he wasn't blind.
Merlin was vaguely aware of Arthur muttering some swear words but he did notice after half a minute that Arthur was now standing still. And that he was still staring curiously at Arthur's chest.
He raised his eyes quickly to Arthur's face and found Arthur staring at him in outrage.
"Merlin, what the fuck?" Arthur shouted and Merlin flinched.
"Sorry!"
"Sorry? You were staring at my chest," Arthur snapped, stalking forward and Merlin scrambled out of the chair and backed up.
"I didn't mean to," he said hastily. "I was just… distracted."
"By my chest?"
"Yes. No!" Merlin corrected, hitting the wall, and frantically trying to dig himself out of this hole. "I mean, you were just there. And, and all curvy, and I was thinking, and –"
"Thinking?" Arthur purred dangerously. "Thinking that you liked what you saw, hm? Staring at me like I'm a barmaid, wondering what they'd feel like?" and Merlin went red as Arthur crowded close threateningly because he hadn't thought that, or he didn't think he had, but he was now Arthur had brought it up. "Well, don't let me stop you from satisfying your curiosity," Arthur spat and he grabbed Merlin's hand and slapped it onto his chest, the look in his eyes just daring Merlin to break and run.
He should have, Merlin knew. Should have snatched his hand back and escaped. But Arthur was breathing hard and Merlin could feel the soft shape filling his hand pressing against him with each breath and he didn't. He just shifted his hand to cup it a little more, and stroked gently with his thumb. And Arthur didn't pull back either. The anger in his face was fading into something more uncertain, and he bit his lip and pulled his eyes from Merlin's to look down at Merlin's hand on him.
Merlin looked down as well and saw the little bump of Arthur's nipple pressing against the material and he moved to rub lightly over it without even thinking. Arthur gasped quietly and they both looked up, Merlin feeling it getting harder beneath his thumb, and Arthur jerked away abruptly as their eyes met.
He spun so his back was to Merlin and crossed his arms and Merlin sank back against the wall, realising for the first time that his breath was coming in short pants. He had no idea what to say.
"I'm tired," Arthur said in a rough voice after a long moment. "Leave now," he added and walked over to stare out of the window.
Merlin didn't trust his own voice so he simply slipped as quietly as he could from the room. He was shaking slightly as he walked away, still able to feel Arthur's warmth against his hand and his skin felt too tight and hot.
What had he been thinking? That should never have happened.
~
The next day was awkward.
Merlin had done his best to avoid Arthur, leaving breakfast and lunch outside his door again, but then Gaius had insisted that Merlin search Arthur's room for magical tokens "or anything that is new" because he'd found a reference to someone being transformed by touching a gift from a sorcerer.
So Merlin had to go in and look and he could feel Arthur's eyes on him the entire time, though every time he made himself look back, Arthur was ostentatiously looking elsewhere.
He didn't find anything. That was a shame, because Gaius said all they needed to do to break that kind of spell would be break the object.
"Have you found anything?" Arthur asked and Merlin shook his head.
"So I'll just go," he suggested and when Arthur didn't reply, Merlin escaped with a sigh of relief. It seemed like Arthur was angry. Merlin wasn't even sure he blamed him, even if it had been half Arthur's fault.
Arthur didn't let him escape after he brought dinner though, ordering him to stay. "Why?" Merlin asked warily, wondering if Arthur was going to punish him somehow.
"I'm bored," Arthur drawled. "That means you have to entertain me."
Merlin leaned back cautiously and prepared to flee just in case but Arthur just gave him an exasperated look. "What's going on out there? I'm not in exile yet."
"Oh," Merlin said. Arthur wanted gossip. That was even fairly safe. "Well, the kitchen staff all wanted to know how you were and Gwen says that the court have been asking Uther about when you'll recover. Gwen says Morgana keeps asking if you'll be hideously scarred from the pustules, but Gwen thinks that's because she likes seeing your father look disturbed."
"Typical Morgana," Arthur said with an unladylike snort, eating some bread.
"Lord Bruenor and Lord Daniel got into a fistfight in the middle of their petition to your father about who owned a certain prize bull and your father put them both in the stocks," Merlin went on with a grin and Arthur smiled.
"I'm sorry I missed that."
"Me too. It's fun to see someone else there," Merlin said looking at Arthur pointedly, but Arthur just smirked. "Though Gaius said that little Aelth in the village told him that I'm more interesting to throw things at because they just hung there looking sulky."
"At least we know you're good for something then," Arthur said but his tone was teasing so Merlin ignored it.
"Oh, and I ran into Sir Cadoc's squire and he said that one of the visiting knights managed to beat all of yours sparring and they're all desperate for you to get better and teach him a lesson in humility."
"Really?" Arthur said, his eyes going sharp. "Which knight?"
"Grimmic, I think."
"Hm. He's won tournaments in other kingdoms. Good hunter too, he brought down a stag when we were out the other day."
"Well, I shouldn't think he'll give you much trouble," Merlin said confidently and got a pleased smile from Arthur.
"Of course not," Arthur said arrogantly. "I'm the best. Or I was," he added, scowling and Merlin shook his head.
"Are and will be," he said stoutly. He hadn't given up on sorting this out and Arthur wasn't going to either.
"So what else?" Arthur asked after a moment and Merlin shrugged.
"I don't know. I've not been out that much," he explained.
"Right. If you aren't going to entertain me with gossip, we'll just have to do something else," Arthur said authoritatively with a gleam in his eye and Merlin eyed him worriedly. "We can practice that knife fighting I started to teach you," he said and Merlin's shoulders slumped in dismay. He'd known Arthur was going to get him somehow, the gossip was obviously just to lull him into thinking he was safe. "Come on," Arthur said and dragged Merlin up and over to a clear space.
"Arthur, I really don't think –" he started but Arthur just tossed over a wooden blade and Merlin fumbled to catch it.
"Well, I do. I can't afford to get rusty lazing about here," Arthur said.
"I thought this was about me not getting rusty," Merlin said mulishly and Arthur gave him an amused look.
"You don't have any skill to lose yet," he pointed out and lunged forward, making Merlin flail backwards to avoid a hit. "No, not like that…" Arthur said and came over and started shoving Merlin into the right hold and posture, making Merlin freeze in surprise.
That's how it went from there. Arthur was actually a good teacher, but Merlin was sure he hadn't spent so much time touching him when they'd done this before. It seemed like every minute he had Arthur's hands on him somehow and it was making him breathless quite aside from the exertion. And Arthur kept making Merlin watch him do things to see how the moves should be, only that didn't really work because Merlin inevitably ended up watching his hips or other parts that he shouldn't or got caught up watching Arthur's bright eyes and missed whatever Arthur was actually showing him.
What was even more confusing was that Arthur caught him getting distracted every single time because Arthur really didn't miss anything in a fight, but instead of making Merlin pay with painful hits like Merlin knew he could, Arthur just looked at him sideways and carried on.
Finally they did some real sparring and Merlin managed to block a full three strikes from Arthur before Arthur grabbed his wrist and twisted it around and down, making Merlin drop the blunt blade, and dragged him in closer.
Merlin ended up pressed to Arthur's front, feeling Arthur all the way down his body, and he couldn't help the way that made him gasp and his body stir to life.
"Knew you wanted this," Arthur muttered triumphantly and Merlin tried to flinch away because Arthur was still gripping his wrist and didn't really sound pleased, but Arthur let go and stripped off his shirt and Merlin wound up simply staring instead.
He made some small sound of astonishment that made Arthur smirk before he was able to find his voice. "What –"
"Shut up," Arthur said impatiently, stepping back and tugging Merlin along with a hand in his shirt until Arthur was leaning back against the edge of the table and Merlin stumbled to a halt right in front of him. He couldn't have moved on his own if he'd tried, too much of his mind trying to work out what was going on and simultaneously cope with seeing all that beautifully bare skin that looked so soft and tender over rounded breasts.
Arthur apparently realised that Merlin was incapable and moved his hands for him, settling them on his ribs just underneath his breasts and then letting go and Merlin said "Oh," and regained the ability to move. He wasn't entirely sure it was by his own volition that his hands slid up to explore, but there was really nothing else that he could have possibly have done.
Arthur dropped his hands to grip the table edge and Merlin looked up to find that Arthur was watching what his hands were doing, a rapt expression on his face. Merlin hoped that meant something good, because now he'd started to touch he was fairly sure he couldn't stop. Arthur's skin was like warm silk under his fingertips and he could feel Arthur's heartbeat, and the more Merlin stroked the faster that beat got and the quicker they both breathed. Arthur's nipples were getting harder too, tightening up into little peaks, and finally Merlin couldn't wait any longer and let his thumbs wander in until he was touching them, circling and rubbing and teasing.
Arthur gasped and Merlin looked up to find his eyes were closed and he was biting his lower lip and he groaned quietly himself, hot all over at what he was being allowed to do. He didn't know what Arthur had wanted when he'd started this, or how far he could push, but Merlin had always been reckless. He took a deep breath and ducked his head, laying a soft kiss right at the top of where Arthur's breast started and began to work his way lower with little sucks and licks of his tongue.
Arthur made a startled noise and grabbed onto Merlin's head and Merlin froze, wondering if this was when Arthur would pull away. But Arthur relaxed his grip and pushed him to move down again and he kept going, Arthur's skin so smooth under his lips and tasting salt from Arthur's sweat on his tongue. He teased once with a swirl of his tongue around Arthur's nipple that made Arthur tense and tug his hair again and settled in to suck and lick and occasionally nibble until Arthur was gasping and arching away from the table, hips shifting restlessly.
Merlin gathered all his courage and let one hand drift down over Arthur's flat stomach and past his waist to tease along the skin just above where his breeches hung on his hips. There was a heart-stopping second where Arthur went completely still and silent but before Merlin could panic, Arthur pressed forward into his hand. He figured that was all the permission he would get, so he tugged the lacings a little looser, turned his hand and slid it slowly underneath the cloth. He felt Arthur suck in his stomach to create more room and muffled a groan against Arthur's skin, his mouth and other hand still busy up above.
Merlin shook all over when he felt the brush of hair against his fingertips, and then against his palm as he eased lower, fingers curling gently. He could feel Arthur's heat pulling him in and he stroked as softly as he could, his fingers pressing to where Arthur was hottest as Arthur gradually shifted his legs further apart, and he drew them back slick with moisture to slide against delicate flesh.
Arthur gave a choked-off moan and Merlin had to turn his head and rest it against Arthur's chest while his fingers worked and rubbed below because he was so hot that he couldn't breathe and he was aching with how good it felt to touch Arthur like this.
He'd always had quick, clever hands and he used that now in light, swift touches over the little fold that made Arthur groan and start to rock rhythmically into his hand. Arthur's hands were gripping Merlin's arms hard enough to leave bruises and his thighs were trembling, his hips moving faster and harder, and Merlin tugged a nipple back into his mouth and sucked hard and Arthur said "Oh," and went rigid, not even breathing while Merlin felt shudder after shudder ripple through him.
A long moment later Arthur collapsed back against the table, panting, and Merlin eased off, just cupping gently with his hand and somehow finding the strength to stand and not collapse into a desperate heap.
When he thought he was steady enough, he slid his hand back out and straightened up. Arthur was still panting, his chest heaving with every one, and he was staring at Merlin in a daze.
His mouth was open to breathe, his lips looking swollen and dark where he must have been biting them and Merlin leaned in to kiss and taste, nearly mindless with want.
But Arthur flinched back and pushed past Merlin before he could connect and he was left staring at Arthur's back as Arthur snatched up his shirt from the ground and pulled it back on. Arthur didn't look back as he walked over to the window and leaned against the wall. "You can go now," he said in a voice that was shaking underneath the huskiness and Merlin twitched and stared in disbelief.
"Arthur?" he said and if Arthur's voice was shaking, his was falling apart.
"Go, please," Arthur said, leaning his forehead on the window glass and it was the please that did it because Arthur sounded desperate and Merlin was still too aroused to think or say anything without making it worse, so he gathered what wits he had left and stumbled out of the door.
He was aching all over with desire and there was no way he could make it back to his room in this state. Walking to the room next to Arthur's was difficult enough and Merlin only just made it in before he collapsed back against the door and stuck his fingers in his mouth, sucking madly as Arthur's taste exploded across his tongue. He scrabbled futilely at the laces on his breeches with the other hand before he gave up and just forced his hand in and all it took was one touch and he was gone, bright lights behind his eyelids as he shook and moaned helplessly into his hand. It was so intense he was barely able to stand afterwards and Merlin sank down onto the floor and just sat there until he regained the ability to walk.
He managed to magic away the stains but it was going to take a lot longer before he was able to think again. His head was a muddle as he went to his room, full of doubts and Arthur and a fear that they had broken everything into pieces.
He answered Gaius' questions so incoherently when he got back that Gaius actually checked him for a fever, commenting how ironic it would be if Merlin caught a real illness, but Merlin eventually managed to convince him that he was just tired and with a head too full of all the spells he'd read to concentrate.
Merlin tossed and turned when he went to bed, trying to anticipate what was going to happen, what Arthur was going to do, but it was useless. He didn't understand what Arthur was thinking, he was being too unpredictable, and Merlin kept getting distracted by memories until he finally gave up and stole one of Gaius' sleeping draughts and that sent him into grateful oblivion.
~
It took a long time the next morning for Merlin to go into Arthur's room. He stood outside it for a good five minutes before he could force himself to unlock it, knock and then enter, uncertainty churning uncomfortably in his stomach.
Arthur was over by the window again, staring out at the courtyard, and he didn't even look in Merlin's direction as Merlin set his breakfast down and stepped hesitantly forward.
"Sire?"
"Did you do this?" Arthur said, still not turning and Merlin frowned.
"What?"
"Did you do this to me?" Arthur bit out, finally turning with a set, cold expression on his face.
"Did I what?" Merlin said, his voice rising. "Are you insane?"
"Answer the question," Arthur snapped back. "Did you do this? Is it some game you're playing, making me –"
"No, I did not," Merlin shouted back, drowning out Arthur's clipped words, suddenly so furious it felt like his entire body was clenched with it, "and I can't believe you are even asking that, you bastard! I'm not evil and I'm not cruel and if you really think I could do that to anyone, to you, then," and he stopped shouting and swallowed, too tired and hollow to find the energy and finished quietly, "then you really don't know me at all. Sire."
Merlin spun away from Arthur's pale face and fled the room, not able to stay there a second longer. He ended up sitting on the steps down into the courtyard and staring sightlessly out at the walls. Arthur was a shit and a bastard and the biggest fucking idiot in the land and it would serve him right if Merlin let him stay as a girl.
Merlin wasn't taking him any bloody lunch either.
He finally got cold and dragged himself miserably back to Gaius' rooms.
"Ah, Merlin, there you are at last," Gaius said far too cheerfully as Merlin went in. "I think I've found a cure for Arthur."
"Great." Stupid Arthur. Merlin had thought Arthur trusted him, even with magic.
"Merlin? Are you all right?" Gaius asked, peering at him in concern. "I thought you would be more excited."
"Arthur is a bastard," Merlin muttered, folding his arms on the table and slumping down to rest his head on them.
"Fighting again?" Gaius said in an amused tone that Merlin really didn't care for. This was not funny. "Well, I expect he'll be less of a bastard once we've turned him back, hm?"
Merlin snorted. He wouldn't bet on it. Though Arthur might stop being so weird and be normal again. "So where is it?" he asked and Gaius passed him a loose sheet of paper, torn and stained at the edges. "Doesn't seem that hard," Merlin said when he'd read through the incantation written on it. "I'll go say it at the giant wanker and then we're done."
"Or maybe you should practice first," Gaius said firmly, catching Merlin's arm as he went to stand. "I got a duck," he said, nodding to a basket on the end of the table and Merlin sighed and sat down as he lifted a female mallard out. "It will be nice and obvious if it works."
Merlin nodded obediently and read through the spell again before he concentrated and spoke it aloud. This was going to be easy.
Five minutes later he was throwing up into one of Gaius' larger bowls
"Gaius, that can't be the right spell," he said when he'd finished wiping his mouth and staggered back, trying hard not to look at the twisted body of the duck on the table.
Gaius looked nauseous as well. "But it has to be," he protested. "It's the only one we've found that talks of transforming living creatures. 'Change the path of nature'" he read out from the page, "'Twist the form of life to thy will, mother to father, sister to brother'. And that part did work: the duck is now male."
"It's also dead!" Merlin said. And it had sounded like a painful death too. No matter how angry Merlin was at Arthur, he wasn't going to do anything like that to him.
Gaius nodded in miserable agreement. "I suppose we'll have to keep looking, but I really can't think where else. My volumes are exhausted, and you have found nothing either."
"Maybe we're missing something somewhere," Merlin said. "If we just knew who cast it…"
"But there are too many options," Gaius said, sighing. "And I'm not sure how much longer I can keep Uther away from Arthur."
"Would it really be so bad if he knew?" Merlin asked. "He'd send the knights out searching for the sorcerer, wouldn't he?"
"Yes, but they'd be just as likely to pull in some poor hedgewitch as the one responsible," Gaius pointed out. "And I think that Arthur's instincts to tell no-one were right. I am by no means sure how Uther would react. You know that he is less than rational about magic. He could even refuse to believe that it is Arthur, and that would not be good at all."
"No," Merlin agreed, hunching at the thought of Uther's likely reactions. When he thought about it like that, it was amazing that Arthur had taken Merlin having magic as well as he had.
He was still a git, but maybe Merlin would take him some lunch after all and make sure that he was all right and not all broken like the poor duck. He was deeply glad now that Gaius was always so cautious.
Merlin was just going to open the door and shove in the food so he could double-check Arthur was still alive, but as soon as the door swung open, Arthur's arm shot out and pulled him in and Merlin yelped in shock and had to right the tray with magic as Arthur slammed the door shut behind him.
He wasn't even sure Arthur had noticed because he was staring so hard at Merlin's face. Merlin tried to pull away, but Arthur didn't let go of his arm.
"I'm sorry," Arthur said quietly but in the firm voice he used to give commands and Merlin blinked and nearly dropped his lunch again. "I don't think you would do that," Arthur went on, going red under Merlin's gaze but not looking away. "I think being shut up here is making me crazy."
"You think?" Merlin said sarcastically but his heart wasn't really in it.
"I trust you. With my life," Arthur said, letting go and looking down. "And I apologise for my hasty words."
"I… thank you," Merlin said. He wanted to ask Arthur what was going on with the touching but he was too relieved at getting this much to risk pushing Arthur away again. Arthur nodded once and took the food off Merlin, his shoulders relaxing.
Merlin stood there awkwardly for a minute and then turned to go.
"Is… have you or Gaius found anything at all?" Arthur said and when Merlin turned back he looked so hopeless that Merlin went back and sat down.
"There was something, but… the duck died," he said reluctantly. Arthur's brow wrinkled in confusion and he had to explain, "I was practicing."
"Oh," Arthur said, fiddling with an apple. "Maybe I should get used to these walls," he said with a grim smile and Merlin tilted his head enquiringly. "That's what we royals do with unwanted female relatives," Arthur explained bitterly. "Lock them away, so they don't cause trouble."
"But surely your father wouldn't…" Merlin said and trailed off at the twisted smile Arthur was giving him.
"I'll have no place in the court. Can't risk my challenging the new heir, and I cannot leave my father's control for the same reason, in case some choose to follow me or use me to make a challenge. Or perhaps I'll be married to whoever my father chooses in my place to reinforce their claim. Noble women are just pawns, sold to the highest bidder," Arthur finished, looking ill, and Merlin shook his head.
"No wonder Morgana gets so angry," he said and Arthur nodded.
"I wouldn't have let that happen to her," he said. "But it looks like we'll share the same fate."
"No you won't," Merlin said, reaching out and wrapping his hand around Arthur's wrist. "I won't let it be like that. If I can't turn you back – and I haven't given up on that anyway – I'll get you out and we'll go somewhere new where no-one knows us and your father can't reach."
Arthur twisted his hand so that he was holding onto Merlin's wrist as well and nodded. "Thank you," he said and then let go and Merlin drew his hand back. He wasn't sure what to say now so he just nodded in return. But Merlin was more determined than ever to get Arthur back to being a man.
"Eat your lunch," he said firmly, getting up. "I'm going to go and keep trying." Maybe he could alter the spell they'd found somehow; all his power had to be good for something.
Merlin stood in the corridor for a minute after he'd left, wondering where he could start. He'd need some more ducks, or maybe something less endearing like a rat. He even considered asking the Dragon, though Merlin didn't think he could trust whatever it told him.
He turned to leave and jumped at finding a knight coming along the corridor towards him, one of the visitors.
"You there, you serve the prince?" the knight said in a commanding tone and Merlin nodded.
"Yes, Sir?"
"How does His Highness? Any better?"
"Better than he was," Merlin said cautiously and untruthfully, "but he still continues sick."
"He must be in need of some conversation of worth by now," the knight said, smirking in his beard and reaching towards the door and Merlin moved to block him, thankful he'd heard Arthur lock the door as usual behind him.
"I'm sorry Sir Knight, but Gaius has ordered no visitors for fear of spreading the sickness."
"Still? And after all this time, you are the only one to see him?" the knight said, frowning but stepping away. "Strange."
Merlin blinked at him with his stupidest expression. "It is the physician's order."
"Well, he must emerge eventually. One hopes that this mysterious ailment does not have any lasting effects," the knight said staring at Merlin and looming over him. "Sickness can change a man, they say."
"His Highness seems the same but with pustules," Merlin replied shifting out and away and refusing to be rattled. Arthur could loom much more threateningly despite being shorter than this man. The strange knight stared at him some more and then turned on his heel and left.
Merlin watched him go thoughtfully, cast a quick spell to lock Arthur's door magically as well as with the key just in case, and went in search of Gwen, finally finding her coming back up from the market.
"Merlin! How is Arthur?" she said with a pleased smile and he smiled back absently.
"Oh, you know Arthur. Arrogant, demanding and annoying," he said.
"I meant is he better?"
"A bit, yes. Listen, have you seen much of the visiting knights?" he asked, taking the basket she was carrying off her and walking back by her side.
"I suppose," Gwen said, "They've been dining in the hall with everyone else."
"Who's the one taller than me, with black hair and a beard and the crest of a bear?" Merlin asked.
"That's Sir Grimmic," Gwen said. "Why?"
"Huh."
"Merlin?"
"Oh, no reason," Merlin said, realising Gwen was looking at him curiously. "He just spoke to me about Arthur and I wondered who he was."
"You as well?" Gwen said sounding surprised and Merlin turned and raised his eyebrows. "He asked Morgana whether she'd seen Arthur the other day."
"What did he say, exactly?" Merlin said, catching her arm and frowning.
"Nothing much. He just mentioned that it was strange that Gaius wouldn't allow someone as close as she was to Arthur to visit him, and wasn't she worried. And something about not being able to know how Arthur was doing but just trusting his care blindly to a mere servant, like you were just nothing," Gwen said, her tone getting annoyed at the end. "I mean, you are a servant, but you're not exactly mere, I mean everyone knows Arthur and Gaius trust you and even Uther has stopped saying you're mentally afflicted."
"Was that it?"
"Yes, I think. Morgana told him that Arthur was in the best care possible because you were completely loyal and devoted, and that Gaius had said there was no danger so she saw no reason to worry, and then he left." Merlin stopped walking to think and Gwen stopped too. "You don't need to frown like that you know, I think it is sweet how you look after Arthur. You shouldn't be embarrassed," she said and Merlin started out of his thoughts and grinned at her.
"It's not sweet, it's self-preservation to stop him annoying me to death," he said and Gwen gave him an indulgent smile. "I should get back," he said and handed her the basket back before taking off at a jog to see Gaius.
~
"How would Uther choose another heir?" Merlin said as soon as he got in the door and found Gaius staring moodily at a glass alembic.
"Pardon?"
"If Arthur stayed like this. How would someone else get to be king?" Merlin said, sitting down and leaning forward.
"Well," Gaius said, "he would have to be a knight, proven a leader of men in battle. And in Uther's favour, of course, which would probably prove to be the hardest test. Why?"
"We've been assuming that this was about someone attacking the kingdom," Merlin explained eagerly. "But what if it's just about usurping Arthur?"
"Oh. Interesting."
"I think it was Sir Grimmic," Merlin said. "He was lurking outside Arthur's room earlier and Gwen says he was dropping hints to Morgana about no-one seeing Arthur except me."
"That's a little thin, Merlin," Gaius said dubiously and Merlin waved his hand impatiently.
"No, don't you see? He doesn't know if it worked or not, and he's trying to find out. Seriously Gaius, he was acting really suspiciously."
"Well, it is certainly an interesting theory," Gaius allowed. "And from what I have heard, the man is ambitious. He's also been fighting raiders down on Camelot's borders for the last few years, in fact he's probably one of the knights most experienced in battle."
"I'm going to search his room," Merlin said, smacking his hand on the table decisively and standing up.
"For goodness sake, be careful," Gaius called after him, but Merlin was already half way down the stairs.
He tracked Sir Grimmic down, eventually finding him showing off his archery skills. It seemed like he was setting up an impromptu competition, so Merlin should be safe for a while.
It wasn't quite as simple as he'd hoped though. Merlin had got in the room easily enough, but Sir Grimmic had a lot of bags and Merlin had to search them all and check there were no hidden pockets. And then there were his clothes, and armour, and every nook and cranny in the room that was even remotely feasible for hiding anything bigger than a woodlouse.
And really, Merlin hadn't actually been expecting to find a nice, obvious big book of magic like his own, but finding nothing at all was extremely disappointing. He'd been so sure he was right.
He sank down on the end of the bed in frustration and fell backwards, letting his head tip back off the edge – and saw the corner of a piece of parchment tucked into a crack underneath the windowsill. Merlin rolled off the bed so fast that he only narrowly avoided landing on his head and he crawled over and tugged the corner out. It was folded over and over, but when he opened it out, Merlin recognised it instantly. It was the same incantation Gaius had found. But there was an extra passage at the end that Gaius' copy didn't have and he grinned in triumph as he read it through.
This was it. He'd found the way.
~
An hour later, Merlin sidled quickly through Arthur's door, locking it again as soon as he was through, and turned excitedly to tell him the news. "Arth-oh," he said and just stared.
"You know, I'm pretty sure we had that conversation about you knocking," Arthur said after a pause, but Merlin hardly heard him over the thundering of his pulse because Arthur was on his bed, naked from the waist down and one hand tucked down between his legs.
The afternoon sun made Arthur's bare legs almost glow, the one nearest Merlin raised slightly so he couldn't quite see what Arthur's hand was doing, but Arthur was flushed and a little bit sweaty and Merlin thought his mind might have just broken from how badly he wanted to touch.
Arthur tipped his head back on the pillow with a sigh and then sat up, swinging his legs down as though he was going to stand, but by the time his feet touched the floor Merlin was in front of him on his knees, utterly transfixed by the tangle of dark blonde hair at the apex of Arthur's thighs. He wasn't even sure how'd he'd got there; it might have been magic because Arthur said "Merlin!" in a scandalised tone, though whatever else he'd intended to say died off in a gasp as Merlin leaned in and nuzzled Arthur's thigh.
Arthur tensed, strong muscles twitching under Merlin's lips and for a moment Merlin was sure that he was going to be pushed away. But Arthur relaxed instead and Merlin kissed his leg softly and stroked his hands up the back of his legs. He trailed his mouth slowly up to scrape his teeth against Arthur's hipbone, getting a shiver in response, and then kissed a meandering line across to just above Arthur's mound. Arthur's scent was intoxicating and Merlin just wanted to breathe it in for a while, but his hands were sliding up the inside of Arthur's thighs and Arthur was letting him in closer and it wasn't enough: Merlin had to taste as well.
Arthur gave a kind of gasping moan when Merlin licked him, and Merlin could see his hand fist tight in the bedclothes, so he did it again, and again. Slow and soft, teasing over and around and Merlin was drowning. There was nothing but Arthur, the musky-salt taste and smell of him, the softness of skin over firm muscle under his hands, the groans and cries he made as Merlin touched him.
Arthur fell back onto the bed and Merlin could feel him pressing into Merlin's mouth and hands, hips rolling up and down. He caught the pattern and followed it and Arthur made a completely wild noise and grabbed onto his head, legs tensing against Merlin's shoulders as Merlin pressed harder and faster. Arthur shook all over and froze in place but he didn't let up the pressure on Merlin so he didn't stop until Arthur suddenly went limp all at once and released him.
Merlin sank back onto his heels and panted in a counterpoint to the ragged breathing he could hear from Arthur. His mouth felt swollen and wet, he was shaking and sweating and all he could see was Arthur spread naked and so beautiful before him. He pressed his hand hard against himself and closed his eyes with a groan, trying to regain control.
His eyes flew open again with a gasp as Arthur hauled him to his feet and Merlin braced to be thrown out again. But Arthur was pulling at the laces on his breeches and he shoved them down and wrapped his hand around Merlin and Merlin clutched at him as his knees tried to collapse. The way Arthur stroked him felt so good, so incredible, and Merlin moved helplessly, thrusting into Arthur's fist as Arthur stared intently into his eyes. Merlin wanted to kiss him so much, but he didn't dare in case Arthur turned away again so he stared back instead until he had to close his eyes against the sensations.
It was too much, too good, and Merlin bit his lip and dropped his head onto Arthur's shoulder to muffle his desperate moans as his hips bucked in a release that felt like it melted his entire body, tingles running from his fingers to his toes.
Arthur had to hold him up afterwards because Merlin's legs simply refused to work, and after a minute he heard Arthur give an impatient sounding sigh before he was abruptly shoved onto the bed.
"Well. That was messy," Arthur said in an odd tone. Merlin turned his head with an effort and found Arthur looking down at himself and he blushed at realising he'd just come all over Arthur's hip. Arthur walked off behind his screen, still glancing at his hand and when he came back out after a minute he was back in his breeches and carrying a wet cloth. "Here," he said, tossing it over and Merlin caught it with another blush and cleaned up too, wriggling back fully into his own breeches and lacing them back up hurriedly afterwards.
He thought about leaving but Merlin wasn't sure he was capable of moving yet and Arthur didn't seem to be angry or upset like before, just quiet. He walked back over and sprawled on the bed next to Merlin, staring up at the ceiling, and Merlin twisted onto his side to watch him. He looked… peaceful, but not entirely happy. Like he did when he'd made up his mind to do something hard, and Merlin wished he hadn't seen that look on Arthur's face often enough to recognise it so easily.
And Merlin was a complete idiot because he knew exactly what could make Arthur look happy again and he'd totally forgotten all about it.
"Arthur," he said quietly. "We did it. We can turn you back," and Arthur twisted his head to stare at him, an uncomprehending look on his face.
"You… what?"
"I can fix this," Merlin said again, gesturing at Arthur and Arthur sat up in a swift movement.
"You can?" Merlin nodded. "Are you sure?" Merlin nodded again, wondering if Arthur had suddenly developed a mental affliction. "Why the hell didn't you say so right away?" Arthur shouted.
Merlin couldn't help giving him an incredulous look at that, because there was really no way Arthur should have expected coherent thought from Merlin after walking in to find him touching himself, and Arthur went red and threw a pillow at his head.
"So what are you waiting for?" Arthur snapped in a tense voice and Merlin dislodged the pillow and shoved it under his head.
"It turns out the object of the spell needs to drink a certain potion to avoid fatal injury in the change," Merlin said. "Gaius made it as soon as we found out how, but it needs to brew overnight. First thing tomorrow we're going to test it on some animals and you should be back to being Prince of Camelot again by lunchtime."
"Oh," Arthur breathed, falling back on the bed again and closing his eyes. "It's not permanent."
"No."
"A potion?" Arthur asked after a minute. He still didn't look happy and Merlin frowned because he'd been sure this would do it.
"I found the recipe in Sir Grimmic's room," Merlin explained. Maybe Arthur just couldn't let himself believe it yet.
"Grimmic," Arthur repeated, sitting up again and looking angry. "My wineskin had a leak during the hunt the day before… this. It ran completely dry. He very generously offered me his, and I never thought anything of it because he'd been drinking from it all along."
"He thought it all out," Merlin agreed.
"The bastard. He wants to be king," Arthur said in a growl. "He can be king of the fucking worms in the graveyard when I'm done with him."
"What are you going to do?" Merlin asked, sitting up too. "Are you going to tell your father?"
Arthur glared at him for a moment. "No. I don't want to explain what happened," he finally said. "But he'd deserve it if I did." Merlin pulled an uncertain face and Arthur frowned. "What? Do you think he doesn't?"
"I think that he didn't kill you, or try to," Merlin said slowly. Arthur rolled off the bed and paced over to the fire to lean against the mantel.
"I'm hungry," he said after a few minutes. "Go get me some food."
Merlin sighed and got up as well. He recognised that tone; there would be no more conversation just now. And he was hungry as well.
Arthur was silent after he'd eaten too, but he told Merlin to stay when he tried to leave, so he spent the evening wandering about tidying and cleaning and mending bits of Arthur's clothes and armour while Arthur watched every move he made like Arthur was trying to memorise him.
By that point Merlin had decided that he was never going to understand what went on in Arthur's head. He'd thought Arthur would be excited about changing back, not brooding. He didn't know why Arthur had touched him the other night or why Arthur had pushed him away afterwards, and he didn't know why Arthur hadn't pushed him away today, and he didn't think asking about any of it would be a good idea.
Merlin knew why he'd acted like he had. He would do just about anything for Arthur, no matter what and no matter whether Arthur was a man or a woman. He was always still Arthur and Merlin had always been drawn to him. And it would be all Merlin's fault if things were ruined simply because he hadn't been able to resist temptation.
~
Midway through the next morning, Merlin was back in Arthur's room and handing over a vial full of dark green liquid. He'd seen some of the things Gaius had put in it and he was really glad it was Arthur who had to drink it and not him. Though it thankfully didn't smell of much.
"This is it?" Arthur said, lifting it up to the light to study it.
"That's the one," Merlin said and handed over a second vial. "And this one is a sedative to drink after."
"Why?" Arthur said turning to look at him and raising an eyebrow.
"Well, we're not sure that it hurts exactly, being changed, but the chicken made a right racket when we turned it into a cock and the rabbit went completely nuts, so I think it probably feels really weird at least."
"Why didn't I wake up when Grimmic did it then?"
"The animals all passed out immediately afterwards," Merlin said with a shrug. "You probably never got fully awake."
"Ah," Arthur said, studying the vials again.
"Are you ready?" Merlin said.
"Of course I'm ready, Merlin, I've been ready since the day it happened," Arthur snapped back. "Are you ready?"
"Yes," Merlin said confidently. Arthur studied him and nodded once. He set the vials down on the bed behind him and stared at them for a moment.
Merlin was just about to ask if he was all right when Arthur turned around, grabbed him fiercely and kissed him. It was hard and desperate and once Merlin got over the shock he tried to make it gentler, but Arthur wouldn't let him.
It ended as abruptly as it began when Arthur suddenly shoved Merlin away again. He staggered back, and Arthur snatched up the vials, downed them one after the other and lay down on the bed with his back to Merlin before he could even catch his breath.
Gaius' sedative worked quickly and Arthur had already relaxed into sleep when Merlin gathered his wits and walked closer to the bed. He took one last look at Arthur as a girl, closed his eyes and spoke the spell.
There was a muffled whimper from the bed and then silence and Merlin opened his eyes again and looked back.
There was Arthur, back to normal. No breasts, no round hips, the crown prince of Camelot restored.
Merlin gave a shaky sigh and went to clean the room while he waited for Arthur to wake.
He was down to polishing Arthur's boots for the second time when there was a rustle of blankets and he looked up to find Arthur stirring, his eyes open.
"How do you feel?" Merlin asked, walking over to the bedside as Arthur sat up and looked down at his own body.
"Manly," Arthur replied and gave a short laugh and Merlin smiled back. "Thank you."
"You are most welcome, sire," Merlin said cheerfully. He watched Arthur get off the bed and stretch, and bit his lip. He had to say something, he had to. "Arthur, about before, what happened…" he started, but Arthur turned quickly and threw up a hand.
"Nothing happened," he interrupted and Merlin stared at him.
"But –"
"No," Arthur commanded. "We are never speaking of any of this again."
"But –"
"Never."
~
Three days after Merlin had turned him back Arthur was on the practice field and fighting Sir Grimmic. He'd been all ready to go charging off to break Sir Grimmics's head the very first day, but Merlin had eventually persuaded him that would look a little odd considering how ill they'd been telling everyone he was. Well, when he said persuaded, he meant he'd barred the door magically and had a five minute yelling match with Arthur about discretion and being stupid, but by the end Arthur had agreed to keep up the fiction of his illness long enough to be believable. What that had apparently meant to Arthur was spending the rest of the first day on the battlements and the whole of the second in the forest, but Merlin supposed that was the best result he could have got.
Grimmic was actually a very good swordsman. Merlin knew enough from watching all this time to tell that and it wasn't surprising that he'd beaten Camelot's knights. But the way Arthur was fighting made Grimmic look like a clumsy novice.
It was a little bit terrifying and Merlin didn't want to watch because he wasn't sure what Arthur was going to do, but he couldn't look away. It was over quickly anyway; two minutes in Arthur disarmed Grimmic, knocked him onto the ground with a shoulder charge and then kicked him over onto his back. He stood poised over Grimmic, sword at his throat and Merlin clenched his fists in worry. But Arthur just said something, too quiet for anyone else to hear and walked away.
Grimmic stared after Arthur with a strange look on his face, but Merlin couldn't take the time to watch him because Arthur had strode straight past him and back towards the castle and he had to jog to catch up.
By the time they reached Arthur's room, Merlin was out of breath from how fast Arthur had been walking. Arthur halted in the middle of the floor and glared at the wall and Merlin moved in to help him out of his spaulder.
Arthur tensed as soon as Merlin touched him and Merlin swallowed but kept going. They never had spoken about what had happened when Arthur was a woman because the two times Merlin had tried, Arthur had gone so white and unhappy looking that Merlin couldn't bear to carry on, despite how much he wanted to understand.
Instead they were in some strange approximation of normal where Arthur went tense whenever Merlin got too close in carrying out his servant duties, but he kept letting Merlin get close anyway.
"What did you say to him?" Merlin asked as a distraction and Arthur frowned and clenched his fist, making it harder for Merlin to undo that vambrace.
"I told him that I knew what he tried, and that if he ever showed his face in Camelot again I would return the favour and neuter him before I killed him," Arthur said in a near-growl.
"Well, that explains the disturbed look on his face when you walked off," Merlin said, and tugged off Arthur's mail shirt as Arthur raised his arms. He took the second when Arthur's eyes were hidden by the mail to admire the strong lines of Arthur's chest and shoulders and then pulled the mail off completely and turned to lay it on the table with the rest of Arthur's armour.
"Good. Fetch my jacket," Arthur said shortly and Merlin headed for the wardrobe. By the purest chance, he glanced in the polished mirror next to it as he lifted Arthur's red jacket out and caught Arthur watching him. Not just watching, staring, and Merlin stopped short because for the last few days Arthur had only given him quick glances and spent the rest of the time looking anywhere else.
And the look on his face… it was sad, but more than that it was the same look he'd seen in Arthur's eyes when Arthur had touched him that last time, and Merlin suddenly realised what it was: not just intense, but longing.
Longing for Merlin.
He must have made some sound in surprise because Arthur jumped, his eyes flying up to meet Merlin's in the mirror before he hastily looked away again, all the expression wiping from his face.
"Arthur?" Merlin asked turning around.
Arthur crossed his arms and stared at the floor. "You can go now," he said but there was no way Merlin was going to do that, not when things were finally starting to make sense.
"Arthur, look at me," he said, crossing the floor to stand right in front of him, but Arthur stayed stubbornly staring down.
Merlin reached out his hand and tried to tug Arthur's head up, but when that didn't work he cupped the back of his neck instead, stroking gently just under Arthur's hair. Arthur went very still, but he didn't pull away and Merlin had thought all this time that Arthur was uncomfortable because he didn't want Merlin to touch him. He was starting to hope that it was for quite the opposite reason, and he really hoped that he was right and that he wasn't about to make things even worse.
"Please," he asked very quietly and Arthur finally lifted his head. He was obviously trying to keep his face blank, but Merlin had long practice at reading Arthur's expressions. This one had some fear, and some resignation, but mostly it was sheer, naked want and it made Merlin shiver. "Ohh," he said in an enlightened tone and Arthur swallowed.
"I… apologise for, for my inappropriate –" he started to say and Merlin stared at him in disbelief and stuck his hand over Arthur's mouth.
"Arthur, you idiot. Shut up," he said, smiling at Arthur's immediate frown and then Merlin took his hand away, leaned in and kissed him.
Arthur tensed so much that it was a bit like kissing a block of wood to start with but Merlin didn't stop. He just kept kissing and it wasn't long before Arthur relaxed and kissed back. It was nothing like their previous kiss; this one was slow and sweet, but it was just as devastating and Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur and hung on.
It stopped being slow and sweet fairly soon after that, when Arthur pulled Merlin in even closer and took over, but it wasn't like Merlin minded and he gave as good as he got until he was rubbing up against Arthur's hip, feeling Arthur gloriously hard against his own.
"You idiot," he said again, pulling away to breathe and laugh at the same time. "It was you I wanted all the time."