Chapter Text
Andrew feels like he should have known something was going on.
He’d noticed the signs.
Noticed how sometimes conversations would stop when he and Neil would enter into a room. He’d noticed when Aaron had asked if he could borrow the Maserati to go to the mall and how his brother had rolled his eyes to the left instead of the right when he said it was to buy some clothes, his brother’s tell. He’d noticed how Allison wearing a particular pair of sweatpants. He’d noticed Kevin talking with the other foxes more and more and with Neil ever so slightly less.
He'd noticed.
He just hadn’t thought to piece it together.
His Christmas break with Neil had made him stupid.
He’d spent an entire week being able to touch Neil almost whenever he wanted and almost however, he wanted.
Neil had refused to mess around with the melted chocolate from Andrew’s chocolate fountain “I’m not comfortable with sticking my dick in there Andrew. It’s hot.” Neil had protested and honestly, Andrew had been even more turned on by the first solid sexual boundary Neil had ever raised.
Then on New Year’s Eve Andrew had held Neil close all day as Neil talked about how scared he was that he didn’t remember what happened in the Nest. How he fears that there may be pictures out there. Andrew listened and had promised that if anything came up then they’d deal with it together. Neil had kissed him, and Andrew had held him reverently.
They watched the ball drop, and it was hard to reconcile how far they’d come in just one year.
On New Year’s Day, Andrew and Neil had penetrative sex for the first time.
It had taken hours. It had been slow. It had been fraught with emotions. It had stopped and started twice. It had resulted in Andrew using almost half a bottle of lube. It had been Neil in his lap kissing his face. It had been Andrew anxious but unable to misinterpret Neil’s frenzied ‘yes, yes, yes, yes!’.
It had been perfect.
He would never in his entire life regret it.
But it had made him stupid.
It had made him forget that life was cruel and that it seemed to always love to be cruelest to him and Neil when they were happy.
It all started when Kevin had driven them from the dorm room.
It had seemed like he was having a long and drawn-out argument with his ex-girlfriend and Neil was already having a hard day. It was January 19th and Neil had made it clear to him months ago that he did not want to treat it as his birthday.
Neil is drunk in a hotel room and Andrew needs some levity after hearing the raw hunger in Neil’s voice when he described how his Spring Break in Millport had gone.
“When is your birthday now?” Andrew asks because he had never looked at Neil’s official documents, too busy keeping his eyes on the FBI agents to make sure he would be getting his Bunny back.
Neil wobbles as he gets up and makes his way over to the jacket his wallet was in. He manages to find it after checking the same wrong pocket three times before he tosses it far to the left of Andrew.
Andrew catches it anyways.
He opens the ID and finds Neil staring back at him from a South Carolina driver’s license. Andrew had dragged Neil to the DMV when they had time after the FBI had issued it to him with his pre-season photo. A photo that Andrew had disliked before Neil had talked about the physical state he’d been in when he first came to Palmetto.
Neil’s cheeks are scarred but full, unlike the hollow-cheeked boy that the FBI had attached Neil’s legal documents to.
“Neil Josten’s birthday is March 31st. Nicky says I’m more of an Aries anyways.” Neil says drawing Andrew’s attention away from his thoughts on Neil’s ID. “I picked March 31st.” he says pointing at Andrew before coming back to the bed and collapsing down onto it. “Nathaniel’s birthday is January 19th. I’m not Nathaniel anymore.” Neil says.
“March 31st it is.” Andrew accepts easily.
Andrew takes Neil on a drive.
Neil, who hadn’t slept well the night before, falls asleep in the passenger seat.
He’s drowsy and trusting when Andrew guides him back up to the dorm room after Kevin texts that he’s done speaking with Thea. Neil asks if Andrew can stay with him as he leans against him in the elevator back up. Andrew agrees because he never had any plan to leave Neil alone when he was in this state.
Andrew and Neil get into their dorm and Kevin is there looking down at his phone. He doesn’t seem that upset even though his break-up with Thea is still a sore spot.
It’s another thing that Andrew notices.
It’s another thing he disregards.
They walk into the bedroom only to discover the bedding on all three beds was gone. Neil sighs exhaustedly and Andrew sees red. He storms out of the room, “Where the hell did our bedding go Day?” Andrew asks.
“Nicky came in while I was talking to Thea. I think he might have taken some stuff.” Kevin shrugs, “I’ll help you and Neil go get it back, I think he said something about a blanket fort?” he says.
It sounds like Nicky.
Andrew is mad enough that he doesn’t consider that Nicky’s keys had been revoked months ago when he scared Neil awake. He doesn’t consider that the door had been locked when he’d come in. He doesn’t consider that Kevin would have had to let Nicky in, had to have locked the door after him.
Neil comes with him if only to stop him from stabbing his cousin to death. “It’s okay Andrew,” Neil says with a tired smile that has Kevin looking concerned all of the sudden as if the other Striker has just noticed how waned and tired Neil looks.
It’s not okay.
Neil made Andrew’s birthday perfect.
This may not be Neil’s birthday but…but it’s his birthday. Andrew will pull out all the stops on March 31st to make it a good day for Neil, but he wants January 19th to be as painless as it can be.
He grips the handle, and he notices it’s not locked.
He disregards it.
He notices the lights are off.
He disregards it.
It’s the last thing that night that he has the luxury to disregard.
“SURPRISE!” Comes from all the Foxes as they all jump out of various hiding spots in Aaron, Nicky, and Matt’s living room and from Kevin from behind.
Then with a crash as Kevin hits the wall behind them, Neil is gone.
Neil is tired, startled, and it’s January 19th so he’s been expecting a monster to jump out at him all day.
Flight mode has been activated.
“Neil!” he yells but Neil is already behind the thick stairwell door. He turns and starts to chase after his Rabbit. He gets down the stairs and runs out into the parking lot of the building eyes going in every direction as he searches for any sign of Neil.
Fuck.
He tries to calm his breathing as he quickly pulls out his phone and dials Neil only for Neil’s phone to vibrate in his other pocket where Andrew had placed it at the beginning of the day. Neil had kept flinching at every text message, hands shaking as he opened his phone and shoulders relaxing only when he saw it wasn’t a countdown.
Fuck!
Andrew’s phone plays God Save the Queen as Kevin tries to call him. He doesn’t answer and tries to think about where Neil would run to.
He turns his gaze up toward the roof and sees the brand-new shoes that Kevin had bought Neil for Christmas dangling over the ledge. The bright orange pair that Kevin had sought out specifically to appeal to Neil now act as a beacon for Andrew.
FUCK.
God Save the Queen plays again and Andrew ignores it and silences his phone. He’s running up the stairs at his best speed, which is far too slow, and makes it to the top of the Tower. He doesn’t slam open the door because he has no idea what Neil will do in flight mode if he’s startled again while he’s on a roof.
It’s a near thing but he manages to open the door quietly.
Neil is at the ledge.
Andrew has never feared heights more in his entire life.
He takes careful and quiet steps, but he can’t control how hard he’s breathing. He feels like he might just pass out.
As Andrew draws closer, he sees something next to Neil on the ledge.
FUCK!
Andrew can’t help his reaction as he rushes the remaining distance and grabs both Neil and the pill bottle off of the ledge. Neil falls into Andrew’s arms bonelessly and Andrew lets the pills roll away on the roof and he can’t hear the sound of any pills in the container over the roar of his own heart.
Andrew had checked multiple times today. Made sure that Neil’s last resort pills were in the spot where Kevin had stashed them months ago. Made sure that Neil was never too close to where Kevin had hidden them.
That bottle with the pills Andrew had replaced months ago was still untouched in the Dorm room.
Andrew had never considered that Neil had more than one.
“Did you take them?!” Andrew demands his heart pounding with anxiety as he keeps Neil’s hands pinned above his head with one hand and lets his other rest on his pulse.
Neil looks at him slowly, “No.” Neil says, and his pulse is steady, “I just…today I needed them close.” Neil says looking up at Andrew before he closes his eyes, “I’m sorry. I promise I don’t ever intend to leave you alone.” Neil’s voice is so tight that it sounds painful.
Neil had heard him the night Andrew had flushed the pills down the toilet.
“How many more do you have?” Andrew asks.
“It was just that one and this one,” Neil says and his pulse is steady still. “They’re expensive and it was hard to save up to buy the second bottle,” Neil admits.
Another truth.
“Let me flush these.” Andrew pleads.
“Don’t.” Neil pleads his hands strained against Andrew’s grip so Andrew lets him go. Neil uses his free hands to grip Andrew’s shirt. “Don’t flush them. I need the…” Neil swallows thickly, “Andrew, I will do any and everything in the world to survive so that I can come back to you, and we can have our future but…I just…I’m so scared.” Neil admits.
Andrew keeps one hand on Neil’s pulse but lets his body weight drop onto Neil, Neil’s arms move from where they’d gripped the front of his shirt to gripping the fabric at the back. Andrew brings his mouth next to Neil’s ear, “I won’t let anyone hurt you again.” Andrew promises.
“Then let me keep them. If it’s hopeless then let me go in a way that won’t hurt.” Neil pleads and Andrew says nothing as he buries himself in the comfort of Neil’s steady pulse against his cheek.
Neil says nothing, just lays there stroking Andrew’s back.
They lay there on the ground for at least an hour, possibly two. Andrew should have been able to catch the breath that he’d lost when he had made his way up the stairs but if anything, his heart only races faster.
Andrew feels paralyzed.
He tries to think through the problem for a solution but he can’t find one that guarantees that Neil won’t take the pills. He wants to throw the pills over the side of the building but Neil will just get more and Andrew will live his life paranoid of every hiding spot. He thinks about pressing the pills into Neil’s hands only after extracting a long and loophole-free promise but the thought of the pills in Neil’s hands again makes him physically ill.
"Andrew." Neil’s voice has him close his eyes for what me the first time in five minutes. “Can…can I ask you to hold onto them?” Neil asks and Andrew pulls himself up and looks down at Neil.
Neil is looking up at him with his beautiful blue eyes and his arms slide off of Andrew’s back and instead cup Andrew’s face.
“What?” Andrew asks.
“I’ll let you be in charge of when it’s hopeless.” Neil says and Andrew feels his breath constrict at the terrible trust that Neil is placing in him, “If you tell me that it’s hopeless then…then I will believe that there’s nothing to be done. That it’s truly hopeless.” Neil says.
“Neil.” Andrew’s voice is more strained than he ever wanted it to be.
“I trust you, Andrew. I trust that you won’t let anyone hurt me like that again.” Neil says, “I know…I know that promises are still important to you, this way you can guarantee it.” Neil’s fingers shake as he strokes Andrew’s face carefully with ice-cold fingers.
Andrew says nothing again.
He thinks about it.
He doesn’t need as long to come up with his condition.
“I will hold onto it.” He agrees.
“Thank you.” Neil breathes.
“On one condition.” Andrew continues and Neil blinks.
“Anything.” Neil nods.
“Get a second dose,” Andrew says and he sees how Neil stiffens his eyes going wide in a fear that Andrew had first felt that night on the couch with Kevin and a fear that had lingered even after he flushed away the pills.
“W-what?” Neil asks.
“That’s my price for holding onto your last resort Neil.” He thinks again about that night on the couch when Kevin had told him about the pills.
There better be enough for two.
“If there’s no hope then you and I will go together,” Andrew says and finally loosens his grip on Neil to bring Neil up to him face-to-face. “I’m giving you my future Neil. Consider it collateral for the guarantee I gave you on the ski trip.” Andrew says stroking Neil’s burn scar with his thumb.
Neil opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again, and then closes his eyes.
He smiles.
“Okay, Andrew,” Neil says voice quiet. “I’ll take your future, and I’ll make sure it’s amazing. I’ll take it as long as you take mine, Andrew. If you’re okay with being responsible for my future, then…then let’s make it a deal.” He says.
Andrew feels his pulse quicken.
Neil hadn’t known the extent of Andrew’s deals when he’d last made one. Hadn’t understood the weight that Andrew put behind his deals, but he knows now. For Andrew, a deal is-
No…
“This isn’t a deal. It’s a Vow.” Andrew decides because he makes deals with his brother, with Kevin, and with Wymack.
With people who are important.
Neil is important but that’s because Neil is everything. A deal isn’t enough, he needs to make something he’s never made before.
“I won’t let you back out of it like last time.” Andrew continues and if Neil breaks this deal then Neil will break everything between them. “I want you to think about it. I want you to give it time and really think about it. If it’s still a ‘Yes’, then I’ll expect the second bottle.” Andrew says.
A pill bottle shouldn’t feel like an engagement ring.
“Do you want this, Andrew?” Neil asks, his tone not accusing just curious.
Andrew can’t believe it’s a question his Junkie is even asking. Andrew hadn’t realized how much he needed to have a promise, to have this vow, to have back the easy confidence in his place with Neil that he gave up on the bus ride to Binghamton.
Maybe someday Andrew will be able to let go of deals.
Maybe someday Andrew will be able to stand confidently next to Neil and not need the weight of a vow to keep him settled.
Maybe someday Neil could be close with other people who love him and Andrew won’t feel like he’s back in foster care failing to be the child that is chosen.
Maybe someday both his conscious and subconscious mind will be in agreement that Neil will always choose him.
For now, Andrew needs this.
“I want this.” Andrew lowballs, “But only after you think about it. You’ve had a bad day, I won’t let you do something like this when you’re still shaky.” He says because Neil will say yes if he knows how much Andrew needs this.
“I’m just cold.” Neil’s teeth chatter and it’s probably true. Andrew has been pressing Neil down into the cold concrete of the building for hours at this point. He’ll have to warm his Junkie up when they’re back on their feet.
Andrew won’t be budged on when he’ll hear Neil’s answer though.
“You have to give it at least a month.” Andrew orders even if waiting a month is the last thing that Andrew wants to do.
Neil needs to be as sure as Andrew is.
“Okay.” Neil agrees.
“Good.” He kisses Neil’s cheek, “C’mon let’s get back in before we freeze to death instead.” Andrew says.
“Okay.” Neil agrees and Andrew manages to get up onto his feet without making it obvious that he’s unsteady. He still offers Neil a hand up and Neil’s hand is half frozen when he puts it in Andrew’
They stayed out there too long. Sweatshirts weren’t enough in the cold like this.
It takes some effort, Neil’s hands lose a lot of mobility when it’s cold out, but he laces their fingers together and the way Neil smiles makes it worth it. “Does it hurt?” he asks because Neil’s hand is shaking in his. The cold always makes his scars hurt, burnt skin unable to properly regulate.
“A little,” Neil says as Andrew guides them over to where he had knocked the pills.
“We’ll use the sink to warm them up.” Andrew grabs the pills with one hand and rubs the back of Neil’s hand with his thumb with the other. “Are you hungry?” he asks hoping that maybe Neil could be persuaded to eat after this.
They enter into the warmth of the tower.
“I just want to go to bed,” Neil says and if it weren’t for the Foxes then Andrew could already have Neil safely tucked into bed. Neil had been tired but Andrew is sure that if he’d gotten Neil into bed he could have gotten him to at least eat some fruit in bed. Andrew would have happily flipped Kevin the bird when their roommate had inevitably talked about how unsanitary it was.
“Okay.” Andrew agrees and they can just have a large breakfast tomorrow.
They’re slow as they come down the stairs and when Andrew gets to their door he’s surprised to find it unlocked. They open the door and find the dorm is silent, Andrew wonders if everyone is still in Matt’s dorm but dismisses it. He takes Neil over to the sink and turns the water to something only barely lukewarm and brings Neil’s hands under it.
Neil sighs in relief.
“Do you want to take a shower?” Andrew asks.
Neil thinks about it as Andrew slowly increases the temperature of the faucet. “Yeah…would you…” Neil trails off.
“I can shower with you.” Andrew agrees to the unspoken request.
Neil smiles.
They head into the bedroom but this time Andrew finds all of the beds made. Andrew’s and Neil’s are near military while Kevin’s is a little sloppy, completely opposite of the usual state of each of their beds.
He wonders if Kevin came back and made them.
He pointedly doesn’t think about where Kevin has gone since he made them.
He takes Neil to his dresser and grabs two pairs of sleep clothes. Neil is dropping fast but Andrew will hold him up in the shower if he has to. Neil’s naked body against his own is something Andrew likes.
Andrew puts the pill bottle in his underwear drawer and promises himself that he’ll get a safe or something else to keep it secure and away from Neil.
The shower is a slow boil. They don’t really do more than rinse off in terms of getting clean but Andrew, with Neil slumped against him and half asleep, slowly adjusts the water until they’re both pink with heat. He kisses Neil’s cheek and feels warmth return to his body; Neil drops asleep against him, and the weight of Neil’s warm body is a balm.
Neil sleeps, utterly trusting, and Andrew dries them off, gets both of them in clothes, and stops in front of his bed.
“Neil,” Andrew says his name quietly.
Neil’s eyes drift open lazily.
“…Drew?” he asks.
“Let’s sleep in your bed,” Andrew says deciding that he wants the extra distance from everyone else that Neil’s lofted bed provides.
Neil just nods. Andrew plugs in their phones and pointedly doesn’t check either of them. He does look and sees that the pills Kevin had hidden are gone. He wonders if Kevin took them wherever he went or if they’d been hidden in a new spot.
It doesn’t matter.
Andrew has Neil climb up first despite Neil’s insistence that he get the wall. Andrew has to steady Neil twice on his way up the ladder before climbing up into the lofted bed he had never spent time in.
Under the covers, holding Neil close it’s a decadent experience for Andrew to be surrounded by Neil’s scent and warmth. The tightness in his chest loosens further and when Neil, sleepy-eyed and soft, whispers to him, “I really can’t give you my answer now?” he asks.
“I won’t accept it and I’ll add another month on to when I will accept it,” Andrew says despite the feeling that floods his chest, Neil’s warmth permeating past his skin and filling him.
“Too bad…” Neil sighs.
“Think about it carefully Bunny.” The nickname is still new on his lips but he relishes how Neil melts when he says it.
“I will,” Neil promises. “I promise.” He adds uselessly.
“I know.”
Neil drifts off again and Andrew lets himself drift off with him.
***
In the wake of January 19th the Foxes are apologetic and promise that they’ll do something really fun for Neil’s birthday on March 31st. Neil’s apology for running off does more damage than any knife Andrew could have used.
With the second semester well and truly started Neil and Kevin start to go out with Wymack for recruiting purposes. Andrew has zero inclination to go and preach the greatness of Exy so he stays back.
It doesn’t bother him like it had before that Neil and Kevin are spending so many weekends together. Part of it is that they’re with Wymack and the other part is that he and Neil have a pending Vow.
It helps even more that Neil is almost always reaching out to him one way or another. He gets long rambling voicemails, poorly typed texts, and Neil makes it a point to call him before he goes to bed.
Andrew buys additional storage for his phone to make sure he can keep it all saved. It makes him dread the year apart from Neil a little less. It makes him look forward to never needing to be apart ever again.
Neil grabs him shot glasses from every airport, gas station, and gift store he ends up near.
February 19th passes, and Neil doesn’t bring up the vow. Andrew feels a sort of sick anxiety about it but lets it go because if it’s too much for Neil then Andrew will be okay with that. Neil has the right to say no and Neil hasn’t said no. Neil just hasn’t said anything about it.
His nerves settle slightly when Neil asks to take his car for the day. “I’m going to meet a guy. I’ve got enough now.” Neil says and Neil disappears for a day and a half.
When he comes back Neil doesn’t press a bottle of pills into his hand but he does press a kiss to Andrew’s lips and tells him that he filled the Mas’ tank.
March 9th comes, and no one expects anything from Neil or Andrew that day. Kevin brings in food and water but for the most part, leaves the two of them alone where they’re curled together in Andrew’s bed.
Halfway through the day, Kevin brings in a package for Neil. “I just wanted you to know that whatever you ordered is here,” Kevin says setting the package down in the room and leaving again.
“What did you order?” Andrew asks.
Neil doesn’t answer, he just rises out of the bed but doesn’t go to the box. He walks over to his backpack and pulls out a familiar bottle of pills that has Andrew’s heart race.
Neil climbs back into the bed with the pills in his hand and presses it into Andrew’s. “It’s still a yes,” Neil speaks for the first time today.
“What’s in the box?” Andrew asks again wrapping his fingers around the pills.
“A safe. It’s not configured so you can set it to whatever you want.” Neil says closing his eyes. “Nathan’s been dead for an entire year.” He whispers.
A part of Andrew wants to say that Neil still has 10 hours before the exact anniversary of Nathan’s death but he won’t muddy the waters of an accomplishment.
“I’ll make sure you live to over twice his age.” Andrew rises to a seated position and runs his fingers run through Neil’s hair, “You’ll be old and gray. You might even get to die of old age.” Andrew says climbing out of bed.
He gets the safe out of the box, reads the instructions and while Neil’s back is turned he sets the passcode to 20923103. Andrew could pick random numbers but his Vow is worth choosing something significant even if he has to obscure it a little.
He sets his safe next to Neil’s, grabs the pills Neil had handed to him back in January, and twists the caps off of both bottles. His paranoia can’t help but check that the pills are the exact same and once he’s done everything he can do to confirm that these pills are the exact same as one another and the ones he’d flushed on Thanksgiving he consolidates them down to one bottle.
Neil’s back is to him but Andrew knows that Neil heard it. Their futures are tied together now.
They only need one bottle.
***
Kevin and Neil continue to go on recruiting trips together except Neil won’t go to check out a kid in California.
“It’s that beach,” Neil says voice tight as he points at the beach in the background of the video the newest possible recruit as next year’s defensive dealer sub had sent in. The girl was standing in front of the camera talking about what the Foxes meant to her and her own struggles but she was standing in front of the beach Neil buried his mom’s bones.
“Okay,” Andrew says and moves to go book some last-minute tickets but Neil catches his hand.
“No,” Neil says.
“Okay,” Andrew repeats.
Mary can stay in the sand for now.
They’ll get her when and only when Neil is ready to carry her weight.
Kevin comes back from his trip with Renee and lets them know that they signed Elizabeth for next year as their Defensive dealer sub.
***
There were talks of last-minute spring break plans together, but it won’t work out like last year. Dan is going apartment hunting with Matt so she has a place to live when her coaching job starts up in July, Renee wants to spend time with her mother before she heads out for the Peace Corps, and Allison has some people she’s meeting up with in New York for a Spring Collection.
The Freshmen remain irrelevant to any and all of Andrew’s plans. Neil is friendly with some of them but not to the extent he is with the Foxes from the previous year. The only freshman that Andrew knows the first name of is Jack, Kevin’s striker sub pick and Andrew only knows it due to the, frankly, ridiculous level of turned-on he got when Neil put Jack in his place on Valentine's Day with a thrown knife.
Katelyn’s immediate family is going on a cruise and it’s a solid ‘no boyfriends no girlfriends just family’ event that Katelyn’s mother calls Aaron to explain that it’s not about him but Katelyn’s youngest older brother’s girlfriend. “If I could sneak you into my luggage I would! But that cow! Let me tell you what she did!” Andrew hears before Aaron, smiling, goes into another room to take the call.
Nicky just can’t financially justify going to Germany and he gets sappy enough about it with Erik on the phone that Andrew regrets learning German.
Kevin just says his plan is to hang out with Neil and Andrew in Columbia.
A Monster’s Spring Break.
Neil and Andrew indulge in many of the group activities of playing video games, drinking, going to Eden’s, and watching movies but they also indulge in plenty of time alone.
Andrew reads while Neil rests against his chest, sometimes reading out passages he thinks Neil would enjoy. They go on a walk as a compromise since Andrew refuses to run. Andrew plays with Neil’s long hair, he’s growing it out since they’ve been on a winning streak. Neil learns to paint nails under Andrew’s instruction.
Kevin forgets to knock once when he comes into Andrew’s room and gets an eye full before frantically retreating with equally frantic apologies. Andrew and Neil stop and look at one another trying to decide if they’re still in the mood to keep going before they both shrug and Andrew carefully pulls out.
They weren’t expecting Kevin’s voice from the door, “I hope you stretched before you started that.” Kevin says.
“Don’t worry Kevin, I’m plenty stretched.” Neil returns back immediately.
Kevin makes a mortified noise and Andrew buries his laugh into Neil’s neck. They weren’t in the mood to continue but Kevin didn’t need to know that as Andrew and Neil proceeded to have the loudest fake sex they could manage until, “You guys are ASSHOLES! I can’t BELIEVE you’re my best friends!” was cried out and a door slammed.
Neil is giggling and Andrew would do anything to hear that sound more often. He’s even fine with the initial cost of Kevin Day getting a bit of a show.
“I can’t believe he asked if I stretched,” Neil says laughing into Andrew’s shoulder as the two of them watched Kevin pace on the front lawn.
“I can’t believe you answered him like that.” Andrew hides a smile in Neil’s hair.
“He deserved it.” Neil wipes a tear from his eye.
"He deserved it." Andrew agrees.
Neil leans in, “I know it was fake but…I kind of liked it when you were loud like that.” Neil says.
Andrew thinks about Neil’s loud fake moans and exclamations.
He thinks that maybe Kevin hadn’t completely ruined the mood.
“Not when my brother, cousin, and Kevin could actually hear us.” Andrew says turning to kiss Neil’s neck, “The real sounds are mine.” He says.
“Then yours are mine.” Neil agrees voice coming out breathless as they start again glad that Kevin had wasted his Sexile coupon two weeks ago.
***
March 31st is Neil Josten's birthday and Andrew has plans. The plans start with breakfast made exactly to Kevin's dietary plan.
The next step is he takes Neil to the Court after morning practice and Wymack has four large containers of balls. "We're going to practice that trick shot you mentioned to Kevin," Andrew says and Neil is buzzing with excitement.
It takes three hours and Andrew hates how much he is sweating but when they get the timing down for the shot Andrew can admit that he feels a touch of pride. It is smothered by the wave of affection he feels when he sees Neil's sweaty and delighted face. Andrew insists on them both taking a shower even if he plans on having Neil's face just as sweaty after their lunch.
Neil is starving which is perfect because lunch is at Neil's favorite Polish restaurant where the owner's intentions are so clear and affectionate that Andrew has never had to try a bite before Neil digs in.
The owner gushes over Neil, gives him oodles of food, tells him he's too thin, cups his face with her hands, and sends them off with an entire Mazurek to enjoy on the house. She looks at Andrew and tells him to take care of her sweet boy on his birthday and slides him 10 dollars, "For more snacks, he's too thin!" she laments.
Andrew takes them to the same hotel that Neil had brought him for Andrew's birthday. "Have you stretched?" he asks and Neil's eyes go dark with hunger that has nothing to do with the Mazurek they put in the fridge.
They test the soundproofing the Hotel claims to have to the absolute limit.
Andrew decides he really quite likes when Neil is loud and likes telling Neil exactly how much he is enjoying taking him apart.
If the worker who brings up their dinner can't look either of them in the eye well...
They should have invested in thicker doors.
***
Neil gets a sad puppy look whenever it comes up that the girls are leaving. He knows that Dan, Renee, and Allison have all promised to keep in touch, but Neil keeps getting stuck on the fact they’ll never be just down the hall again.
Neil wants to spend time with them to the point that both Andrew and Kevin feel a little left in the dust, but the girls are all more than happy. Neil goes shopping with Allison, happily third wheels on Dan's dates with Matt, and goes with Renee to help build a house for Habitat for Humanity.
“I just…I just want them to remember me when they’re gone.” Neil says when Andrew notices that he’s running himself ragged trying to spend so much time with the girls.
As if any of them would ever be able to forget Neil Josten.
It’s when they’re all at Wymack’s house celebrating a win that Neil’s focus gets centered on something. Andrew sees the moment that it happens.
One of the freshmen (Caleb? He’s actually tolerable and the sub that Neil had picked) asks what the three graduating seniors most want.
“I’d like to be a two-time champ,” Dan answers immediately.
“Oh, same. We didn’t get the award ceremony last year.” Allison tosses her hair.
“I’d like for my mom to see it,” Renee admits.
“Oh, I guess there wasn’t a ceremony last year since the Raven captain went and blew his brains out.” A different freshman says as she looks at her nails.
“Watch it, Monica.” Jack hisses.
“What, he lost a single game and killed himself. Pathetic, can’t believe they made us watch that god-awful slide show at the Fall Banquet.” Monica rolls her eyes and Andrew decides to bother remembering her name. She looks over to Allison, “Thanks for cutting that shit show short by the way. It was funny watching the ERC panic.” She says.
Allison rolls her eyes, “Seth shouldn’t be forgotten just because Riko was more talented.” She says and Andrew can see Kevin flinch off to the side as Renee pats his shoulder consolingly.
“So, you want the award ceremony?” Neil asks and there’s a hint to his voice that Andrew knows means that he’s deciding something.
“Yeah, still feels like we got robbed.” Matt agrees looking to Dan, “I wanna see you hoist the cup up, baby.” He says adoringly.
Neil nods and Andrew knows a decision has been made.
***
Andrew, logically, understands why the ERC is hosting this year's Collegiate Class I Exy finals at Castle Evermore. It is the home of the national team, it’s the first NCAA stadium, and up until this year, the Ravens had always made the cut to be the ones playing in the finals.
They hadn’t this year.
They’d lost out to both the Foxes and the Trojans.
Even without Riko, the Foxes had grudges with the Raven team and they were still one of the best teams in the league.
But now they’re only one of the best.
Neil had been even more focused on the championship than he’d been last year if that was possible. Every practice had been intense and he spent so much time talking about strategy that even Andrew had to talk about it if he wanted to talk about anything with Neil.
The Foxes had won by two whole points and Andrew was proud that a large part of that was Neil’s leadership on the Court. Even the players who didn’t necessarily like Neil listened to his orders.
The Ravens lost out to the Trojans the next week.
The Finals were going to be the Foxes and the Trojans.
Yet here they were on a 7-hour bus ride to Edgar Allan’s campus.
Andrew figures he should just be grateful that they don’t have to fly all the way to the Trojan stadium but he hates that the ERC had decided that the Foxhole court was not up to the task of hosting the Championship game. He wonders how many championship titles they need before the school upgrades the court or the ERC admits that they're still not sure how to handle the black sheep of Division I becoming one of the best teams.
The Trojans are going to be playing their full line-up this time. The Foxes have a far healthier line-up than last year but it’s still just a single sub for all of them with Renee being Andrew’s back-up. That line-up was made slimmer when Jack went and got himself put out of commission by getting into a fight three days before the Final. It hadn’t even been a fight with one of the members of their team, just Jack running his mouth and having no one who cared enough about him to stop the beating that followed.
It'd be a problem if Neil wasn’t one of the three available Strikers.
There’s no denying the changes in Neil’s condition from the last championship game. Neil has had months of a close training partnership with Kevin and Caleb, months of sleeping like a rock in Andrew’s arms, months of regular snacks and healthy meals, and months of properly taking care of both his physical and mental health.
Neil was likely in the best condition he’d ever been in his entire life.
Andrew had seen that only Kevin was capable of keeping up on the Court with Neil nowadays and even during the Raven’s game it had been Kevin who had needed to be subbed out for a breather as Neil had attacked the Raven’s goal with tenacity.
Neil has a mission.
Neil wants to give the girls the cup properly this time.
So Andrew has a seven-hour drive with Neil Josten and Kevin Day so focused on their pre-game mental prep that he may as well be an empty seat on the bus.
The jealousy he had been feeling had largely disappeared when Neil had pressed the pills into his hand back in March. Neil gave him his future and for the first time in his entire life, Andrew trusted the person he had given his.
Kevin, Neil, and Caleb discuss each of the Trojan Backliners’ weaknesses in excruciating detail. Kevin is airing secrets about Jean’s play style and Neil is relaying the brief snippets of Raven's strategies that he remembers from the Nest last year.
Kevin is allowed to have the purely Exy-obsessed Neil.
When their Striker huddle breaks after two hours Andrew offers to play some music for the two of them.
“No, I just want to focus on what I need to do,” Neil says.
Andrew shrugs and lets his own thoughts drift away for the rest of the bus ride.
They get to Evermore and Andrew stays next to Neil but does let his eyes wander over to Kevin to see if his past-charge is having any adverse reaction to being back here.
Andrew only sees the Queen of Exy standing there.
They’ve all grown a lot in the last year.
Dan leads the warm-ups since it will be her final game one way or another with the Foxes.
She brings them into their final huddle with the senior girls. “I’m very proud of how we’ve all grown and played this season. I don’t have any pointers,” she shoots a look to the side with a smile that’s natural and teasing, “and neither does Kevin.” She says and Kevin lowers his finger, “Win or Lose I am very proud to have Captained this team but let’s Win and show them that THE FOXES ARE HERE TO STAY!” She yells the last bit.
Most of the team shouts along with her while Andrew just nods once.
The game is a different kind of brutal from the Ravens. The Trojans are a top-class team and the athletes on the court all deserve to be there. There isn’t a weak link to exploit in their starting line-up and there’s hardly a weak link to exploit when subs come in.
But they are burning through their Backliners.
Neil Josten is a sight.
It’s only when Renee subs in for him that he can fully appreciate how Neil is going after the Trojan goal. He’s launching attack after attack, playing his angles, using trick shots, and coordinating with Kevin.
He can hear some of what the crowd was saying as they watched Neil’s stamina, skill, and tenacity on full display.
“I can’t take my eyes off of him!”
“He’s a machine.”
“He’s still got something to prove.”
Neil clashes time and time again with Jean on the way to the goal and even though Andrew couldn’t give a shit about the sport usually he could admit that watching Neil play against such a talented Backliner was breathtaking.
The score was equal at halftime.
No one says a word to Neil at halftime.
Kevin didn’t have a single note for him on what he could be doing to improve, and he had no need to listen to Dan’s halftime pep talk.
No one, not even Andrew, wanted to nudge Neil out of the zone.
So, they sit out on the bench while the rest of the team goes to the locker room. Neil stares straight ahead eyes not even comprehending the cheerleader's performance while Andrew just hands him water bottle after water bottle to replace what he had sweated out in the first half.
Somehow Neil is even more unrelenting in the second half.
The Trojan Backliners are getting subbed at alarming rates trying to keep someone even half-fresh on Neil as he upped his attacks. A lesser team may have resorted to foul-play against Neil but Andrew could see that the backliners were all loving the challenge that Neil was presenting to them at this point.
Even Jean was looking like he was having the time of his life going up against Neil Josten.
This was Neil’s game and this was the man who would be leading them next year.
This is what Neil’s talent, drive, and passion for Exy could do when they were on full display. He hears from Wymack that there are many professional recruiters in the stands and when Andrew looks he can see some people taking notes. He has no doubt that Neil will be able to convince some people tonight that he is more than worth the offer.
Andrew twirls his racquet the way he'd practiced and sends a ball flying down the Court to Neil who catches it and with a twist of a newly mobilized arm, he scores his 5th goal of the game. Andrew will make sure that anyone looking at Neil also looks at him.
The final buzzer rang out and the Palmetto State Foxes were the Champions for the 2nd year in a row.
11-10 in the Fox’s favor.
Just like last year Neil collapses onto the Court. He’d played the whole game with no break other than half-time. Neil’s stamina was well-known before this but he’s sure that Kevin is going to get over his hatred of cardio to start joining Neil on his morning runs because now Neil’s stamina would be known as legendary.
Jeremy Knox and Jean Moreau both walk over to Neil on the ground and, despite the fierce scowl on Jean’s face, he has no fears that this captain would try and take his boyfriend’s head off with an Exy racquet.
He sees Jeremy offer Neil a hand up from where he’s sprawled and sees Neil takes it chest still heaving from exertion. He watches as Jeremy pulls Neil back up to his feet before slinging an arm around Neil’s shoulders and lifting one of Neil’s hands high in the air as a sign of victory.
The crowd goes wild at the display and Andrew wonders what it’s like to be that nice. He wonders if the Day Spirit award is what Jeremy actually cares about.
Kevin rushes over after staring at the scoreboard for the last minute and throws himself at Neil. Jeremy, wisely, got out of the way as Kevin knocked Neil over in his enthusiasm but this time at least Neil had been wearing a helmet.
He sees Kevin’s incandescent joy even from across the court when Matt lifts the two starting Strikers up. It’s a spectacle that is hard to tear his eyes away from.
“Do you think they’re gonna kiss?” Nicky asks teasingly as Kevin knocks his helmet against Neil’s when Matt puts them down to pick up Dan and spin her.
“Shut up.” Andrew huffs and all Andrew can see is his boyfriend and their mutual best friend celebrating an achievement.
Especially when Kevin finally releases Neil, and his Bunny goes straight for him.
“We won!” he exclaims as if Andrew wasn’t keenly aware of the score.
He’d say something sarcastic usually, but Neil is too beautifully happy at this moment for Andrew to do anything other than give his own smile back, “Yeah. We did.” He agrees.
Neil’s excitement carries him through the post-game interview where he gets to eviscerate one rude reporter who had the audacity to refer to Neil as Nathaniel. The entire starting line-up makes a show of not knowing who the guy was talking to and watching as the man slunk back into the shadows utterly cowed and embarrassed.
Neil’s pride carries him through the award ceremony where they watch Dan hoist the trophy up in victory this time. Dan talks about how proud she is to have the team she has and how Wymack’s vision should be used as a model for at-risk youth everywhere. Every member of the team hoists the trophy afterward and if Andrew makes sure to get a few good pictures of Neil hoisting the cup then that’s his business in much the same way he saw Neil take pictures of Andrew’s own far more reluctant hoist.
His surprise carries him through receiving the MVP award and Neil blushes beautifully when he receives the medal. His surprise even carries him through the rest of the award ceremony as Andrew whispers in Russian what he wants to do to Neil while he wears that medal around his neck.
By the time they get to the bus after everything it’s late and Neil has less than nothing left in the tank.
Neil is the second on the bus and Andrew can see how his legs shake with the effort of heading to their customary spot in the back. Can see how Neil grips every seat like they’re the only thing keeping him upright.
Neil tosses his bag into an empty seat across from their customary one and crawls into the seat by the window his MVP and Championship medals dangling from his neck.
His head rests against the window and he looks seconds away from just passing out right there until he seems to remember that the window seat is Andrew’s customary spot.
He looks up at Andrew with pleading eyes.
“Get in your seat Junkie,” Andrew says with a plan already in mind. Neil’s neck would hurt if he slept against the window like that. Neil whines but does slowly crawl over to the aisle seat as Andrew grabs his spare sweatshirt from his bag and tosses it next to Neil’s.
When he looks back at Neil he is in the aisle seat, his eyes are closed and his head is slumped forward.
Even less acceptable.
“Junkie.” He says getting into his window seat and moving the armrest between their seats. He folds his sweatshirt and places it in his lap, “C’mon Neil.” He pats his lap with the makeshift pillow.
Neil looks at him like he hung the stars, created strawberries, and killed his father.
It’s heady.
Neil adjusts himself and collapses into Andrew’s lap smiling up at him. Andrew indulges himself and strokes Neil’s face, “Thank you, Drew…” Neil nuzzles his face into Andrew’s hand and before Andrew could say anything at all Neil is asleep.
“Oh, my god.” He hears his cousin and looks up to see Nicky taking a photo on his phone. Andrew looks down at Neil but his Bunny remains utterly asleep despite the exclamation from his cousin.
It’s good that it doesn’t wake Neil up because Andrew cannot get up and kill Nicky because Neil, trusting and vulnerable, is asleep in Andrew’s lap.
“I’m surprised he made it to the bus, to be honest,” Dan says drawn in by Nicky’s exclamation. “He was insane out there.” She says.
“I was getting ready to carry him to the bus for the last stretch there,” Matt admits and takes his own phone out to snap a picture. This one is far more tolerable since Andrew is sure that he’s cropped out of the frame entirely with the focus being Neil’s sleeping face. Matt and Andrew have an understanding when it comes to pictures of Neil. Andrew lets Matt take them and Matt shares them with Andrew.
“We gotta have a blanket or something to put over him. He’s going to get cold.” Allison grumbles looking into the storage bins above the seats.
“Second one from the front on the left side.” Renee offers.
“Nope, nothing.” He hears Caleb.
“Your other left,” Renee says gently.
“Oh, uh…yeah.” He hears some chuckles, “There is one.” He hears and then there’s a blanket being tossed to Allison.
Andrew rolls his eyes as the upperclassmen baby Neil.
He’ll allow it for now because next year he’ll only have to endure Boyd’s protective instincts that have the Backliner currently pulling off Neil’s court shoes and tucking them into Neil’s bag.
Allison gets the blanket over Neil’s sleeping form and Andrew has to deal with the aftermath of all of the upperclassmen and Nicky seeing Neil snuggle unconscious into the blankets and press his face into Andrew’s stomach.
“Oh, my god,” Nicky repeats and Andrew hates that he can hardly blame his cousin this time.
A man who has been called a machine earlier that night should not be this adorable. Andrew lets his hand drift into Neil’s messy hair and lets his fingers comb through it.
“Man, I can’t keep watching this. I’m gonna die.” Matt says and Andrew knows that at least four more photos have been added to Matt’s ‘Neil Josten’ album on his phone and four more photos for Andrew to keep close and another reason he needs to buy more storage for his phone soon.
“When you’re right, you’re right.” Dan agrees but doesn’t join Matt quite yet at the front of the bus.
“I need to cut his hair now that we’ve won. He looks cute with it longer, but I’ve got an idea.” Allison says.
“Yeah, yeah, redesign your favorite dress-up doll when we get back home Reynolds. Let’s leave Neil and Andrew alone before Andrew remembers that he could just start throwing knives.” Dan says steering the other Foxes away from the back of the bus.
“He can throw them now?!” A terrified freshman squeaks.
“Neil taught him back in February.” Renee offers.
“What, was it some kind of fucked up Valentine’s Day present for Andrew?” he hears his brother ask.
“No, Neil bought out half of Walmart’s leftover supply the day after.” Kevin sighs loudly, “There’s still some boxes left in the dorm and Andrew threatened to gut me if I threw them out.” He adds turning in his seat to look at Andrew with a pout.
“The threat stands Day,” Andrew says quietly.
“I worry about your health,” Kevin returns.
“I’m doing fine.” He waves a hand towards the gold medal around his neck, “I’m a two-time collegiate Exy Champion.” He says.
“Y’know, Neil follows my diet plan 95% of the time, and look at how good he’s doing. He got MVP.” Kevin returns before his gaze drifts down to where Neil is cuddled into Andrew’s stomach, “He was amazing out there tonight.” He breathes in wonder.
“He was.” Andrew can admit it because saying it is like saying the Sun rises in the East.
Kevin keeps looking at him hopefully and Andrew smirks, “I’m not going to ever accept a diet plan from you Kevin.” Andrew says and Kevin sighs dramatically.
“You’ll have to deal with a diet plan when we go pro!” Kevin whines but sits down in his seat.
Wymack and Abby finally climb onto the bus.
“We-“
Dan silences him before he can get too loud.
“You’ll wake Neil up!” she hisses, “Give your speech when we get back.” She adds.
He’ll miss Wilds.
“Christ, he’s already out? Where is he?” Wymack asks looking at Andrew seemingly alone in his seat.
“Sleeping in Andrew’s lap,” Dan says with an amused lilt to her voice that lets Andrew know that she has on a shit-eating grin even if he can’t see it.
Wilds could not be graduating soon enough.
***
They’re about two hours into their drive back to Palmetto and Andrew has spent the entire time looking down at Neil’s sleeping face. “Kevin,” he says and the Striker turns in his seat to look at him.
“What’s up?” he asks.
“Go into my bag, first pocket on the left. I’ve got scar cream. I can at least do his face and arms for now.” He says.
“Good idea.” Kevin agrees.
Kevin gets up and Andrew’s attention falls back to Neil’s sleeping face. In the corner of his eye, he can see Kevin stiffen. He looks and sees that Kevin has opened the wrong ‘first pocket on the left’.
“Why…why do you have this?” Kevin asks looking at the pills.
“Neil gave them to me.” He says and doesn’t elaborate.
Kevin looks at the pills. He opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again, and, “I still have the ones I took. He had more?” he asks.
“Yes,” Andrew says because it’s true. It’s just that Neil had bought more than two.
“I’m glad he gave this to you,” Kevin says and puts the pills away. “I’m glad he has you to trust to hold onto them,” Kevin says and opens the correct first pocket on the left this time. “I spoke with those recruiters more. They were here tonight. They really do want the three of us. They were even talking about buying you two out of your contracts with Wymack.” Kevin hands Andrew the scar cream with a shaking hand.
“I don’t plan on going anywhere until I have a degree,” Andrew says and opens the tube. The smell is familiar and Andrew has come to associate it with good things now that he has months of Neil’s trusting body under his hands.
“I told them that you’re both too grateful to Wymack to leave early. Neil’s the captain once Dan graduates.” Kevin says and crosses his arms on the top of the seats as he settles his face against them. He watches as Andrew carefully applies the scar cream. “They said they’d wait. I want to keep our options open, it’s a good offer but there might be a better one waiting after tonight’s performance.” Kevin says.
“I’ll let you deal with that.” Andrew rolls his eyes. “Do you want to mention it to Neil yet?” he asks.
“Maybe I should.” Andrew looks up and Kevin is looking at Andrew’s bag, right at the wrong ‘first pocket on the left’. “Hey, Andrew…” Kevin says gaze coming back to Andrew.
“What.”
“I thought the only thing that my life could ever be about was Exy. I thought the only thing that I could ever give someone was the game. You and Neil and the rest of the Foxes protected me last year so that I could take back that purpose. I could take back the game that I thought Riko had stolen from me.” He looks at Andrew, his green eyes shining even in the darkness of the bus, “I know I was the worst and that I never even thanked you for it properly. So first, I just wanted to say…thank you.” He says and Andrew feels his skin crawl at the intense gratitude flowing from Kevin’s entire body.
“I don’t need that.” He says. “We had a deal.” He reminds.
“I still want to give it to you. You can do whatever you want with my thanks.” Kevin shrugs before turning his gaze out to the window. “Andrew,” he continues, “I was lost after that final game last year. I had just gotten everything back that had been taken from me but…but I felt so empty. I thought that if I could just keep pushing... if I kept climbing higher and higher with Exy that I’d find what I needed. I…uh…well…I went a little too far.” Kevin admits abashedly as he looks down at Neil.
Andrew shoots him a look that clearly relays his ‘no shit’ feelings in regard to the statement but doesn’t interrupt.
“I was going too far with Neil but…” Kevin’s mouth slowly morphs into a smile as he looks at Neil still dead asleep after his magnificent game, “Neil didn’t leave me alone. He stayed with me, he tried so hard to help me. I’m still…not proud about it but I don’t know how far I would have strayed if I hadn’t hurt Neil that night.” Kevin admits and Andrew stiffens. “If he’d dodged out of the way, if I’d missed, if he hadn’t slipped….I swear to God I wish he hadn’t gotten hurt that night but Andrew…I…I needed that wake-up call. I needed to spend three hours alone in the stadium cleaning up Neil’s blood until Wymack came for me.” He says.
“Careful Kevin,” Andrew warns and Kevin shakes his head.
“All Riko ever focused on was using people to climb higher. I was using Neil and Neil was letting me use him because he trusted me. If you hadn’t said what you said to me that night….I…I could have become as empty as Riko was.” Kevin admits quietly.
“I would have absolutely killed you before you even managed a tenth of what Riko did. I gave you a terrifying enough warning at even just 3% that you made a deal with me to keep you on the straight and narrow.” Andrew dismisses.
Kevin laughs before his gaze shoots down to Neil in Andrew’s lap. His shoulders relax when he sees Neil is still asleep. “I know. I’m glad I have you as a friend Andrew. I’m glad I made that deal with you." he says. "Exy is still the thing I care the most about but...but I have friends and hobbies. I can eat ice cream on the weekends without hearing Tetsuji's voice berating me. I have a dad even if it's still weird. I was just at Evermore and I didn't even think about what happened to me there. I didn't even realize I hadn't thought about it until just now." Kevin says in a rush. He looks at Andrew and Neil together, "I’m glad you came with me to Millport and met Neil. I’m glad I could keep our initial deal.” He says.
“Protect me and I will give you something to build your life around.”
That deal changed Andrew’s life for the better.
He looks down at Neil.
“I’m sure we both thought you were talking about Exy.” Andrew says stroking Neil’s face.
“No one anticipated Neil Josten.” Kevin says with a huff of laughter.
“No one could.” Andrew agrees and he looks up at Kevin, “You’re a good friend Kevin.” He says.
The smile Kevin gives Andrew is so bright that Andrew worries it will wake Neil up.