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Ever since Simon got his open cheek scar, he had been feeling a lot less confident in himself. All of the progress he had with being able to admire his own body and face on his mirror was suddenly gone. He’d smashed all of his mirrors and stopped taking care of himself, other than the bare minimum and keeping his facial hair tidied. He had withdrawn himself for a whole month after John had returned from leave with Kyle, relying on sign language for communication. His partners helped him get comfortable enough to use his voice again, but not enough for Simon to see himself as beautiful. Kyle had made it his personal mission to get his partner to see himself as the gorgeous man that he was, John and Johnny had taken on the task as well.
That’s how Kyle found himself sitting on Simon’s lap with a pout as he brushed the blonde’s man dishevelled wet curls. The younger man had made Simon take a relaxing shower with lots of skin care and hair care in it. Simon had his eyes closed as he held Kyle’s waist with his hands, allowing him to do everything he wanted like the patient gentle giant of a boyfriend that he was. They had fought over something Simon had said about himself which made Kyle fume, ranting about how the older man was literally the most gorgeous on earth as he washed the blond man’s hair.
“I’m sorry, Ky,” Simon did not open his eyes because he did not want to see the younger man frowning because of him, “I shouldn’t have pushed and I shouldn’t have–”
“It’s okay, Simon,” Kyle cut him off, with a frown and pout decorating his gorgeous features as he did, “I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you.”
“I was being an arse, my love. I’m sorry,” Simon opened his eyes as his hands went up to Kyle’s face, cradling his face as he spoke sincerely, “I have noticed your efforts and I wish I could feel better, but I can’t. Not right now, it’s too soon…”
Kyle stopped brushing Simon’s hair with a sigh and placed the comb on the bed before he enveloped the older man in a warm embrace. Simon tensed, he couldn’t breathe for a moment as he snaked his arms around the younger man’s waist, bringing him closer. They stayed like that until the bigger man relaxed into the hug. Kyle was about to pull away when he felt Simon tremble a little bit, and then he heard a sniffle and the younger man panicked slightly.
“Si?” Kyle questioned softly, one of his hands playing with Simon’s curls while the other rubbed circles on his back, “Talk to me when you are ready, darling.”
However Simon couldn’t muster the courage to use his voice, or even sign, he just wanted to hold tightly onto Kyle and cry. It wasn’t the same raw wails he let out with Johnny, it was more of a chain of defeated sobs that shook him to his core. It broke Kyle’s heart to see his boyfriend back to square one. Kyle always saw Simon as someone so confident and strong before getting close to him. The closer he got, the more cracks he saw in the older man’s facade which ended up revealing how truly insecure he was– but he had been working on it. Simon worked hard everyday to see his own worth– to see himself how his partners saw him– but it was all crudely snatched away from him in a moment of weakness, in a moment in which he thought he’d lose John. Thinking about not being there for Simon made Kyle’s stomach twist in anger, and he knew that Johnny felt the same. However there was no point in regretting past missions, he was following Simon’s orders as he should’ve. There was nothing he could’ve done to prevent this.
“Kyle, I– I just look in the mirror and see a monster who failed… I used to think that maybe I could be as pretty as you are but– I don’t even know anymore, I just feel so weak,” Simon rambled against the exposed skin of Kyle’s shoulder, unable to face his younger lover. Simon hadn’t cried like this in a long while and it worried Kyle that he had pushed him back into square one with his pushing.
“You are not a monster, Simon,” Kyle is careful with his words, trying his best to convey what he feels through his words and tone, “You are a man who cares deeply about others, to the point that you let yourself be hurt if that means you can save those you love.”
“And you’re smart,” The younger man continued after a beat of silence, pushing back to look his boyfriend in his eyes, “The way your mind works will never cease to amaze me, and I mean in and out of the battlefield.”
“You’re funny, too,” Kyle smiled as Simon chuckled, the older man began drying his own tears while listening to his boyfriend, “I’ve had to fight against the urge to burst out laughing during missions because you always crack the best dad jokes!”
“Fine, fine, you win,” Simon sniffled as he chuckled, his big brown eyes puffy, “You don’t need to keep praising me, Ky.”
“Oh but I do because we can’t forget the most important thing!”
“What is that?”
“You are beautiful, Simon. Beautiful inside and outside,” Kyle smiled fondly and Simon was completely disarmed right there and then, “No scars, internal or external, can dim your light, my star.”
That last thing had Simon speechless because, how could he disagree with Kyle? Kyle who was looking at him with those eyes full of love and warmth, those eyes that never lied and held all of the stars in the universe. His partner might be younger but he was certainly wiser when it came to communicating his feelings and verbalising them.
“Thank you for not giving up on me, Ky,” Simon found his voice as he was looking for courage in Kyle’s eyes.
“You are a stubborn bastard, but you are my stubborn bastard,” Kyle chuckled, kissed Simon on his forehead and then, in a more serious tone, he continued, “I would never give up on you, love. Not in this lifetime and not in the next, that’s for sure.”
“You– I adore you, darling,” Simon’s tears were rolling down his face again but this time they were not the same defeated tears, they were happier ones– the tears of a man who felt loved.
“That I know, and I hope you know I adore you just as much, Si,” Kyle kissed both of Simon’s lids, then his nose, then his forehead again, and finally he kissed the older man’s lips gently, “We all do, and I hope you know that I do adore you a whole lot.”
“Oh, Ky,” Simon sighed, almost like a lovesick romance novel protagonist, “Thank you for taking care of me today, I needed it.”
“I am here for you, always on your corner, love,” Kyle was all smiles now, that gorgeous fanged smile of his that drove his partners wild was on full display. Simon felt that in that moment nothing could hurt him, everything was fine in the world– only John and Johnny were missing and the moment would’ve been even more perfect, even more sacred. However, it was fine like this, just him and Kyle enjoying each other’s company and warmth.