Chapter Text
When Kaveh emerges from his room after three hours of nonstop sketching, he expects to find Alhaitham sitting on the couch reading a book—and that’s more or less what he finds, except for two key differences.
One is that the book is abandoned on Alhaitham’s lap, about to topple off his knees.
The other is that instead of reading, Alhaitham is sucking on two of his fingers, lips stretched wide as he contemplates the far wall.
That sight sends a jolt of arousal straight to Kaveh’s cock, so intense that it pisses him off. “What the fuck are you doing?” he says.
Alhaitham’s eyes flick to him, and he slowly removes his fingers from his mouth. A string of saliva clings to his skin, dripping down his knuckles, and he frowns at the mess, perhaps realizing that he has no towel to wipe it off. “Do you need something?” he asks, as if Kaveh hadn’t just walked in on him sucking his damn fingers like he's in an erotic novel.
“Yes, in fact,” Kaveh says. “What I need, Alhaitham, is an explanation for why you’re engaging in borderline masturbatory activities in our living room.” When Alhaitham coolly raises an eyebrow, Kaveh snaps, “Oh, are you going to tell me there’s a completely innocent reason for why you were practically gagging on your fingers just now?”
“I don’t see why it’s your business,” Alhaitham says. “And it’s not ‘our’ living room. It’s mine. I’m simply allowing you to use it, along with the rest of the house.”
“By that logic, should I worry that I’ll walk in here one day and find you sitting here with your dick out? Do I need to confine myself to my bedroom and exit the house through the window, to protect my eyes? Or perhaps you’ll say that my bedroom is technically yours, too, and that nowhere in this godforsaken house is safe?”
“I have no intention of masturbating in your bedroom.” Scowling, Alhaitham wipes his fingers on his pants and picks his book up, signalling that the conversation is over.
Kaveh suspects that Alhaitham didn’t rule out the other options solely for the sake of riling him up; he doubts that he’ll actually get an eyeful of Alhaitham’s dick the next time he walks into the kitchen for a glass of water. But he won’t take the bait. He’s more mature than that. “What were you even trying to do, then?”
“I was verifying something I read in this book,” Alhaitham answers. “You should try doing that more often, instead of believing everything you’re told.”
“I do not believe everything I’m told,” Kaveh snaps. “It’s called giving people the benefit of the doubt, Alhaitham. You should try doing that more often.” He folds his arms and glares at Alhaitham, who is pointedly staring at the book instead of Kaveh. “And ‘something you read’? What kind of book is that, even? A guide on how to harass other people? A Treatise on New and Creative Ways to Piss Off and Horrify Your Poor Beleaguered Roommate, perhaps?”
Alhaitham reaches up to fiddle with his headphones. Although Kaveh figures that he hasn’t actually turned on the noise-cancelling function—since Alhaitham prefers to drive Kaveh insane by ignoring him the old-fashioned way—he can’t be certain.
Huffing, Kaveh marches across the room and snatches the book from Alhaitham’s hands, holding it open to the page he was reading. He doesn’t check the title right away, though. He keeps his eyes carefully trained on Alhaitham’s face, searching for those subtle flickers of emotion that Alhaitham doesn’t always manage to immediately hide.
Currently, Alhaitham’s expression is neutral—but there’s a blush pinkening his cheeks, and it seems like he’s clenching his jaw.
Ha. He can try to act unruffled all he wants; Kaveh sees through him like a set of muslin curtains.
“Let’s see,” Kaveh says, flipping over the book to read the title. “Considerations on Human Sexuality and Arousal: A psycholog…” He chokes on the rest of the title. “A psychological exploration of common and uncommon triggers?!”
“Congratulations,” Alhaitham says. “You’re literate enough to read a book title.”
“Oh my gods.” Kaveh flips the book over and checks what page Alhaitham was on. “Finger sucking. You really were…oh.” He glances between the book and Alhaitham’s unimpressed stare, trying to wrap his mind around the fact that not only was Alhaitham reading about triggers for arousal, but imagining them for himself.
“Are you done gawking at my book? It’s not as if you’ve never seen one before.” Alhaitham rolls his eyes. “Snatching things from other people’s hands like a child stealing toys. You’re as uncouth as ever.”
“I—me? I’m uncouth? I’m not the one testing out kinks in the middle of the living room!”
Kaveh can’t get that blasted image out of his mind: Alhaitham sitting casually on the couch, fingers shoved in his mouth, looking not the least bit uncomfortable. He wonders what Alhaitham would sound like if he tried to speak around those fingers, if he moaned around those fingers. Wonders what his lips would look like stretched around three instead of two, what he’d look like with drool dripping down his chin, what he’d look like with an actual cock in his mouth.
Fuck. Kaveh is turned on now, and it’s all Alhaitham’s fault.
Infuriating.
Kaveh waves the book at Alhaitham, hoping to distract from any potential developments below his beltline. “And what kind of test was that, anyway? Sitting there all stone-faced, like a patient waiting while the doctor depresses his tongue!” Alhaitham really had done it so stiffly, like a rusty ruin guard taking its first steps after years of dormancy. “It’s not just the physical act, you know. There’s a mental aspect to it, too. And some things you can’t replicate without other people. Doesn’t your book mention that? Or did you not get that far, before you decided to shove your stupid hand in your mouth?”
“I’m aware,” Alhaitham says. Kaveh doesn’t think he is. “It seems that you’re very bothered by the idea of me sucking my fingers. Is there a reason you’re so worked up?”
Like hell is Kaveh going to admit the truth. “Because it was utterly passionless! Leave it to you to take sex and arousal of all things, and perform like a machine!” He slams the book down on the coffee table and steps closer, until he’s looming over Alhaitham’s spot on the couch. “Ugh! You—you’re so desperately curious, huh, that you had to immediately test it out, right here in the living room? It’s that urgent? Well, then, since you insist that I should put more effort into verifying things, allow me to help.”
Fueled by an irascible horniness, Kaveh grips Alhaitham’s chin tightly with one hand. To his shock, Alhaitham doesn’t jerk away. He stares up at Kaveh levelly and waits, hands resting on his thighs.
Oh. Fuck. He looks so good like this.
Kaveh can’t stand it. Alhaitham is doing this on purpose. He’s trying to rile Kaveh up, and it’s working, because his skin feels like it’s been dusted with flaming flower pollen, and he’s coming to regret his choice of tight pants today.
“Open,” Kaveh says. The moment Alhaitham parts his lips—perhaps to say something, Kaveh doesn’t know, doesn’t care—Kaveh shoves two fingers into his mouth and presses down on his tongue. He holds Alhaitham’s gaze and slides his fingers further in, until Alhaitham’s lips brush against his second knuckles.
Alhaitham’s eyes are half-lidded as he breathes heavily through his nose, jaw stretched wide to make room for Kaveh’s fingers. His entire face flushes red, and he sits perfectly still aside from the rise and fall of his chest.
Kaveh nudges his fingers against Alhaitham’s top lip, and Alhaitham closes his mouth around them. His tongue swirls over the pads of Kaveh’s fingers, warm, wet, soft, and Kaveh bites back a moan at the feeling.
He’s hard. He’s definitely hard.
Eyes wide, he yanks his fingers from Alhaitham’s mouth. A trail of spit clings to Alhaitham’s chin, and Kaveh’s knees nearly buckle at the sight. “Th-there!” he says, voice pitching. He frantically wipes his hand on his shirt. “That—that’s how you should be verifying what you read, if you’re really trying to, ah…conduct a proper inquiry.”
Both of them are silent for a long moment. Then Alhaitham furrows his brow and asks, “You’re suggesting I do that for every entry in the book?”
Kaveh glances at the tome—not small by any means, archons, it’s enormous—and nearly faints at the thought. Help Alhaitham enact that entire book? There’s no way he’d survive that much sex with Alhaitham. He’s already losing his mind just from seeing Alhaitham with fingers in his mouth. He might legitimately go mad if nudity is involved.
Then again, Alhaitham probably isn’t talking about experimenting with Kaveh specifically. He’s likely just asking if Kaveh thinks he should involve a partner of some sort.
“As it is,” Alhaitham adds, “I’m not certain your participation was particularly elucidating. It’s difficult to become aroused when I don’t know where your hand has been, and therefore can’t help but wonder what sort of contaminants you just introduced into my mouth.”
Difficult to become aroused? What a lie. Kaveh had seen how turned on Alhaitham looked, sucking on his fingers with that dazed expression on his face. In fact, now that he looks closer, Kaveh notices that Alhaitham’s hands have moved to strategically rest over his groin.
Over his groin. As if he’s hiding an erection. Does Alhaitham think that Kaveh is blind?
“Where my hand has been?” Kaveh echoes. “Nowhere, besides your mouth!” Oh, archons, his hand was in Alhaitham’s mouth. His hand was in Alhaitham’s mouth. Why did he do that? What on earth possessed him to do that? “I literally just washed some graphite off my hands before coming in here, so they’re perfectly clean. Feel free to masturbate to this memory later without fretting over germs.”
“It sounds like you’re projecting onto me. Are those your own plans for later? You’re clearly worked up in more ways than one.” Alhaitham’s eyes don’t stray from Kaveh’s face, but from his words, it’s fairly clear that he’s noticed the protruding fabric near Kaveh’s thigh.
“I’m not—no!” Kaveh tries to subtly adjust his pants so that his interest is hidden, and only succeeds in making things worse when the fabric rubs against him in exactly the wrong way. (Or, well, exactly the right way, if the circumstances were different.) “Argh! And—wh-why do you care what my plans are, anyway? Hoping to steal me for your own devices, is that it?”
“Is that an offer?”
“What?!” Kaveh splutters. “I—you—you’re not going to make this a condition of my rent, are you, you bastard?”
Alhaitham gives him a flat look.
And, well, okay. Even Alhaitham isn’t that bad. Nor would he need to resort to such measures to have sex with Kaveh, because Kaveh has more or less been physically attracted to Alhaitham ever since they met. (And only physically. Never romantically. He certainly never had any romantic interest in Alhaitham, because he would never be foolish enough to pine for that man. Even an ocean’s worth of wine couldn’t make him that stupid.)
“And why would I offer?” Kaveh says. “I don’t see why you’d want my help. You would just complain the whole time, the way you whined about my perfectly clean hands. But, you know, if you need another body, I know one or two reputable brothels that you could try. I’ve never had to resort to them, of course, since I’m charming enough to land partners the conventional way—but, well, given your personality, I don’t think you’d be too successful if you went that route.”
Silently, he prays that Alhaitham does want his help. Kaveh is, in fact, interested…but if Alhaitham is going to feign indifference about all of this, then two can play that game.
“Being with a stranger would be ineffectual,” Alhaitham says. “I wouldn’t be comfortable with someone unfamiliar to me, which would in turn skew my observations.” His expression hardens. “And is your habit of philandering really something to brag about?”
Habit? Habit? Kaveh hasn’t even gotten laid once since he moved in with Alhaitham! He can’t very well bring partners back to the house—if Alhaitham takes issue with Kaveh’s late-night projects, then he’d definitely object to late-night trysts—and even if that weren’t an issue, Kaveh has been far too busy trying to pay off his debt to scout around for a lover.
(Never mind that he’s refused the advances of at least a dozen attractive men who have invited him over, and instead always hurries home to catch Alhaitham before his ridiculously early bedtime. That’s not because he prefers Alhaitham. He’s just doing his duty as a roommate. Good roommates tell each other goodnight. Everyone knows that.)
But Kaveh isn’t about to correct Alhaitham, because he refuses to admit that he’s experiencing a dry spell, or that the two of them are currently getting the same amount of dick. “Well, if a brothel won’t do,” Kaveh says, “then you can search your surprisingly large circle of friends. Oh, I know—maybe you can commission that traveler friend of yours.”
He hopes Alhaitham can’t tell that he’s gnashing his teeth. Because that traveler is cute and all, but if Alhaitham wants a blond so badly, Kaveh is clearly the better choice.
“You’re very fixated on the idea of me paying someone for sex,” Alhaitham says.
Yes, Kaveh nearly blurts out, because I’m worried that you’ll go that route instead of choosing me!
“Well,” Kaveh says, “you always love to brag about your financial freedom, so I assumed that you’d have no qualms about paying for that sort of thing.”
“Weren’t you just accusing me of being utterly passionless?” Alhaitham asks. “And yet you’re telling me to reduce sex to a monetary transaction. Do I have that correct?”
“I—well—no, I just…”
Alhaitham’s steady gaze is unsettling. It’s like he’s challenging Kaveh to offer the final alternative and set himself up for rejection.
Not that Kaveh cares if Alhaitham rejects him. It’s not as if he feels anything toward the man besides mild to severe annoyance, depending on the day.
“That’s not it,” Kaveh says, finally. “I was simply offering the options that you were more likely to choose, before suggesting the one that you’re most likely to reject.”
“Which is…?”
“Which is,” Kaveh says, “that…I…well, I’d like some assurances against any impromptu inquiries, you know, so that I don’t walk into the kitchen one day and discover that you’ve suddenly decided to test out exhibitionism. So, ah, for some semblance of predictability, and seeing as I’m a fellow scholar, I would…perhaps…that is, I could possibly be persuaded to…”
“So you are offering.”
“Yes!” Kaveh snaps, crossing his arms. “I’m offering to help. Take it or leave it.”
Now that he’s actually offered, he realizes that he doesn’t even know what he wants. He hates the idea of Alhaitham turning him down—but the idea of Alhaitham actually accepting fills Kaveh with a dreadful electric feeling that is beyond words.
“And this is a legitimate offer,” Alhaitham clarifies.
“Wha—would I give you something this embarrassing to hold over my head as a joke?” Kaveh demands. “Do you think I’d risk you bringing this up over a card game with Tighnari and Cyno, just for the sake of being funny?”
“Possibly. You tend not to think before you speak.”
“And how much did you think before shoving two fingers in your mouth in the middle of our living room?”
“My living room,” Alhaitham corrects, incorrectly. “And I could ask you the same question, regarding what you did with those perfectly clean fingers of yours.”
He’s so utterly aggravating. Had Kaveh actually found him attractive five minutes ago? Clearly a terrible lapse in judgment.
And of course Kaveh hadn’t thought before shoving his fingers in Alhaitham’s mouth! If he’d spent even a fraction of a second on contemplation, he never would have done it. (Technically, he had thought to himself, Wow, Alhaitham would look extremely sexy with my fingers in his mouth—but that is a thought so terribly stupid that it shouldn’t qualify as actual thinking.)
“You know, actually,” Kaveh seethes, “I thought so far ahead that I specifically washed my hands on the very slight chance that someone would want to suck on my fingers! Isn’t that forethoughtful of me? In fact, Alhaitham, I’ll be sure to keep my fingers extra clean from now on, just for you.”
Alhaitham squints at him quizzically, and Kaveh’s face burns with embarrassment. “You’re absurd,” he remarks. “And you should keep your hands clean, regardless. Or do you eat shawarma wraps with your feet?”
“Look,” Kaveh says, “if you’re going to approach sexual pleasure like an experiment, most potential partners won’t take too kindly to the idea of you having sex with them for science. Therefore, to spare all the poor people you’d inevitably insult in your quest for data, I am willing to be that person.”
“How charitable of you.”
“Besides,” Kaveh adds, “I’m definitely familiar to you, and I assume that you’re somewhat comfortable with me, or else you wouldn’t have been so willing to have my fingers in your mouth just now.”
That, at least, Alhaitham can’t deny. He’d had a chance to knock Kaveh’s hand away, or tell him to stop, or stand up and walk out of the room—but instead he’d sat there obediently and sucked on Kaveh’s fingers, lips round and wet, eyes hazy with pleasure…
Oh, damn it, Kaveh is definitely going to dream about that tonight.
“Um, wait,” Kaveh says, faltering. “You were willing, right? Because if you weren’t—”
“The answer to that should be obvious.” Despite his unaffected expression, Alhaitham’s face is flushed all the way down his neck. “To clarify: you’re offering to partake in a list of sexual acts with me, in order to figure out which ones I find arousing?”
Should Kaveh take it all back? Shield what remains of his dignity? Claim that it was a poor joke, and resign himself to merciless teasing at some point in the future?
“Yes,” Kaveh says, somehow without his voice cracking. “I am offering that, yes.”
He braces himself as he waits for Alhaitham’s response. Honestly, he can’t tell if Alhaitham is actually considering it or not. In the past, Alhaitham has managed to trick him like this. Sometimes he’ll pretend to entertain an idea for a few minutes or days, only to bluntly shut it down later on.
“Why?” Alhaitham asks. “Even your gratuitous generosity wouldn’t extend to something like this.”
Why? Because Kaveh has been attracted to Alhaitham for years, and he can’t stand the thought of someone else having their way with him. “Because…I, um…have also been wanting to explore kinks.”
“Weren’t you just bragging that you could easily find any number of partners on your own?”
“Yes, but…”
But none of them would be you.
Wait, where did that thought come from? That’s not why Kaveh has been turning down the advances of nice, handsome men. That has nothing to do with his attraction to Alhaitham.
“This is a bigger commitment than a one-night stand,” Kaveh says. “And it requires a lot of trust, so I think it’s better to do this sort of thing with someone you know well.”
“I see.” Alhaitham’s eyes bore into him for a long moment, unreadable. Slowly, he drags his gaze down Kaveh’s body—lingering very pointedly at Kaveh’s crotch, the bastard—before letting it wander back up to his face. “And if I accept your offer?”
Kaveh tries to tamp down the eagerness building in his chest. He shouldn’t get his hopes up just yet, since Alhaitham could still be toying with him. “Then I’d say you have the rest of the week to draw up a list of kinks that you want to test, and we’ll discuss from there.”
Silently, he applauds himself on his excellent delivery. Smooth, casual, assured. Just like assigning homework to his students at the Akademiya—except Kaveh would never assign a kink list to his students, dear gods.
But a roleplay with him as the experienced professor, and Alhaitham as an innocent student…wait, no. He can’t let his mind go there.
(It’s too late. His mind has gone there.)
“Hm.” Alhaitham raises his eyebrows, as if to say, What a novel proposal—and then he grabs his book off the coffee table and reopens it.
After several moments of silence, it becomes clear that he’s gone back to reading.
“Wha—that’s it?” Kaveh demands. “Just hm?!”
“I’m reading,” Alhaitham says, rather unnecessarily.
“And I’m still talking to you!”
Alhaitham peers over the book at him. “How exactly am I supposed to provide you with a list if I haven’t finished the book?”
At the mention of The List, Kaveh’s mind turns as fuzzy as tri-lakshana fluff. “Y-you…list…” His eyes drift down to Alhaitham’s newly-exposed lap, where—oh.
That’s—there’s a—there’s a distinct bulge in the tight fabric of his pants.
Alhaitham is turned on.
Alhaitham is turned on by the idea of testing kinks with Kaveh.
“Right!” Kaveh practically shouts. “I—I’ll leave you to, uh—that. Happy reading! Good night!”
He scurries back to his room and slams the door shut behind himself, breathing rapidly. His heart pounds in his chest as his mind concocts a dozen different scenarios involving Alhaitham’s naked body—and then two dozen, and three dozen, until Kaveh is fairly certain he’s well surpassed one hundred.
Alhaitham. Oh, gods, Alhaitham.
Alhaitham writhing below him as Kaveh nips and sucks at his chest. Alhaitham yanking at his hair while Kaveh licks his cock. Alhaitham sitting on his lap, begging to be touched while Kaveh trails an oiled finger along his ass and teases him. Alhaitham sprawled on the bed with his wrists bound, Alhaitham glaring up at him with his infuriating mouth gagged, Alhaitham, Alhaitham, Alhaitham.
Kaveh will absolutely not be getting any sleep tonight.
For several days, Kaveh and Alhaitham settle back into their usual routine.
Kaveh stays up too late working on projects, and Alhaitham complains about the noise. They eat a fairly amicable breakfast together, and then Alhaitham leaves for work, abandoning some sort of mess for Kaveh to clean up (usually dishes). Alhaitham goes to Lambad’s Tavern in the evening with Kaveh tagging along and pays for both their drinks, and eventually the two walk home while bickering together. Alhaitham goes to bed stupidly early, and Kaveh stays up stupidly late.
Their typical cycle, on repeat.
But there are differences.
As they sit and eat breakfast, Alhaitham’s eyes linger on him several seconds too long. When Kaveh stands at the counter pouring himself a glass of water, Alhaitham suddenly slides up next to him and starts washing a dish, his hips brushing against Kaveh’s. At Lambad’s, Kaveh drinks half as much as usual, and when it’s time to leave, Alhaitham rests a hand on Kaveh’s shoulder or wrist, his touch almost ticklish—until Alhaitham murmurs let’s go home, and those low words make Kaveh feel like his blood is made of pure arak.
And a few times, Kaveh doesn’t stay up late working—he stays up late whispering curses under his breath, stroking himself beneath the bedcovers and gasping Alhaitham’s name.
(If Alhaitham hears those noises, he doesn’t complain.)
Worst of all, Kaveh keeps seeing Alhaitham around the house with that blasted kink book. From the peeks he’s gotten, he can see that Alhaitham is steadily making progress—but since when is Alhaitham such a slow reader? Usually he finishes a book within forty-eight hours of starting it.
Ugh. He probably already finished it. He’s probably just pretending that he hasn’t, to torment Kaveh.
Because Alhaitham is, without a doubt, trying to torture him. Five days after the finger sucking incident, the bastard nearly gives Kaveh a heart attack when he turns to him in broad daylight and hands him a folded-up piece of paper.
“By the way, here’s the list,” Alhaitham says casually.
Kaveh’s grip tightens so much that the paper crumples. “The—the list?” he hisses. “Now?”
They’re literally standing right outside Puspa Café. There are people everywhere. Is Alhaitham really tactless enough to give him the list now of all times?
Alhaitham raises an eyebrow. “I figured we could go shopping, since we’re both free.”
“Shopping?” Kaveh practically shrieks. Several passersby glance at him oddly. “Just—just like that? No preamble? We’re jumping straight to shopping?”
“There’s no need to be so worked up,” Alhaitham says, forehead wrinkling. “I wasn’t aware the topic needed that much of an introduction.”
“Are you serious?” Kaveh waves the piece of paper at Alhaitham. “You can’t just hand me something like this without warning!”
To his frustration, Alhaitham’s expression remains placid. “Noted.”
A few minutes later, Alhaitham leads Kaveh to Treasures Street and stops in front of a seemingly innocuous vegetable stall. Turning to Kaveh, he asks, “Do you have the list?”
“The…this list?” Kaveh asks, withdrawing the folded piece of paper from his pocket. “Why on earth would that be relevant here?”
Alhaitham frowns. “Have you never seen a grocery list before, Kaveh?”
Kaveh stares at him, mouth agape. Wonders if he has somehow misheard. Wonders if grocery list is a codeword, and the merchant has been running a secret sex shop out of a warehouse this whole time, the way Dori and her employees use a secret language to discuss canned knowledge.
Slowly, Kaveh unfolds the list and reads it.
1 kg rice
250g lentils
4 tomatoes
1 kg ground beef
turmeric
5 peaches
2 mangoes
“I’m going to murder you,” he tells Alhaitham.
“How many tomatoes?” Alhaitham asks.
Kaveh legitimately second-guesses his desire to have sex with the man.
Two days later, though, Alhaitham does approach Kaveh in the study with a piece of paper in hand.
“What’s that?” Kaveh asks, leaning back in his chair. “Another grocery list?”
“It’s a list of every sexual activity listed in the book,” Alhaitham says. Kaveh’s eyes are about to pop out of his skull until he adds, “Mark the ones you’re comfortable with trying, and then I’ll compare our answers to come up with a final list.”
Without waiting for a response, he deposits the paper on Kaveh’s desk and leaves the room.
Kaveh sets aside the sketch he’s been working on, takes a deep breath, and slides Alhaitham’s list to the center of his desk.
Instantly, he’s overwhelmed by the columns of words in front of him. It’s like staring at an unalphabetized roster of the entire Akademiya student body and trying to find one person’s name—except, of course, Alhaitham did alphabetize this list, because of course he did.
Kaveh’s eyes leap from one point on the page to another. Bondage. Degradation. Begging. Roleplay. Hair pulling. Dirty talk. Words upon words upon words, some incredibly general, others surprisingly specific. There must be at least one hundred terms on this page, if not more.
It’s too much.
And this isn’t just a list. It’s a to-do list. It’s a list of activities that Kaveh and Alhaitham might actually act out.
Does this mean that Alhaitham is officially agreeing to experiment with Kaveh? Somehow, despite the list in front of him—the list that is literally in Alhaitham’s handwriting—Kaveh finds that difficult to believe.
Why would Alhaitham want to have sex with him? Does he even find Kaveh attractive, or is it just because Kaveh is the most convenient option? In fact, what if Alhaitham is so unattracted to Kaveh that the entire process fails, because he isn’t turned on by a single thing Kaveh tries?
Kaveh can envision that scenario all too easily: him, stripped bare in front of Alhaitham, doing his best to make him feel pleasure…all while Alhaitham lies there with a disinterested expression, his dick immutably flaccid, his voice reciting belittlements and criticisms.
Dread curls in Kaveh’s stomach, and he curls over the desk, squeezing his eyes shut.
No. No, he can’t think like that. Besides, Alhaitham probably wouldn’t go to all of this trouble unless he thought that he stood a decent chance of acquiring some new knowledge for himself. He rarely engages in pursuits that seem unlikely to yield worthwhile results.
See, Kaveh tells himself. Alhaitham thinks that sex with you is likely to yield worthwhile results.
Of course, that thought is not nearly as encouraging as Alhaitham thinks you’re extremely attractive or Alhaitham wants you to rail him into the mattress…but it will do.
And hadn’t Alhaitham seemed somewhat interested, when he sucked Kaveh’s fingers the other day? The answer to that should be obvious, he’d said, when Kaveh asked if he was willing to have his fingers in his mouth.
Ugh. Nothing with that man is ever obvious, except for the fact that he’s a raging asshole ninety percent of the time.
“Focus,” Kaveh mutters, picking up his pen. He can start by finding the kinks that he absolutely doesn’t want to try and crossing those off. That will make the rest of the list less overwhelming.
He accomplishes that part without any trouble, marking down a few as probably not, but negotiable. Then he sits back in his chair to regard the remaining items on the list.
There are still so many. Literally dozens of options.
Kaveh doesn’t want to seem desperate by leaving too many options open—but, well, isn’t Alhaitham going to check this list against his own? Just because Kaveh indicates an interest in something, that doesn’t mean it will necessarily be included on the final list.
Except…what if Kaveh marks yes for something Alhaitham is absolutely repulsed by? Will Alhaitham judge him if their lists don’t completely line up? Will he mock Kaveh for expressing an interest in something that he thinks is foolish?
Kaveh reflects on how he told Alhaitham that this sort of thing requires a lot of trust. It’s better to do this sort of thing with someone you know well, he’d said. And yet, it’s precisely because he knows Alhaitham so well that he’s having trouble trusting him. He keeps expecting Alhaitham to somehow turn this into an opportunity to mock him.
Maybe this is unwise. Maybe he should go find Alhaitham and call the whole thing off.
Kaveh hums to himself, his eyes trailing across the remaining items on the list. He wonders what Alhaitham’s list looks like—what Alhaitham wants to do with Kaveh, what he wants to do to him.
As Kaveh reads over the list, his imagination supplies plenty of possibilities.
Dominance and submissiveness. Kaveh has always been curious about that dynamic, since he and his partners tend to be fairly easygoing with each other. He’s not sure which role he’d prefer, though. His pride hates the idea of submitting to Alhaitham—but, well, that’s bound to be how it works out. Alhaitham would certainly have no trouble bullying Kaveh and telling him what to do. He already does that constantly. He’d be a natural.
Would it even work, though? Kaveh tries to envision it: Alhaitham, fully clothed with Kaveh naked in front of him, ordering him to drop to his knees. Once Kaveh knelt, Alhaitham would grip his chin and murmur, Stay still. He’d make him wait there while he read a book, until finally, he’d beckon Kaveh closer and tell him to suck his cock, fingers curled tightly in his hair. Then he’d force Kaveh to sit on his lap and ride his cock, refusing to let Kaveh come until he properly begged for it. And, oh, Kaveh would beg: Please, Alhaitham, please, let me come, gods, let me come on your cock, it feels so good, please.
You can come, Alhaitham would say, fingers digging into Kaveh’s waist, but I won’t stop fucking you until I finish, so don’t blame me if it ends up being too much.
Oh, gods. Kaveh’s face burns at the thought, and his cock presses against the fabric of his pants, half-hard.
Alright, fine. So it would probably work. But Kaveh would love to see the alternative, with Alhaitham reduced to a whimpering, incoherent mess. Fucking himself on Kaveh’s cock, whining for permission to come, so desperate that his clever mouth can only pant and drool.
Except Kaveh highly doubts that Alhaitham would ever be willing to try that headspace. He’s too stubborn and prideful. He’d never even entertain the notion of letting Kaveh dominate him.
Still, he’ll mark it down as a yes, and pray that Alhaitham is open-minded.
Praise kink. Well, Kaveh already knows that he has one of those, but he wonders whether Alhaitham does, too. While the man is certainly egotistical, Kaveh can count on one hand the number of times Alhaitham has properly appreciated a compliment that someone gave him. If Kaveh tried to praise him during sex, his compliments would probably fail to meet Alhaitham’s ridiculous standards and have zero effect on him.
And although Kaveh would love for Alhaitham to praise him, he just can’t imagine that happening. Alhaitham only ever compliments him sarcastically. He’d probably prefer to insult Kaveh during sex.
Fortunately for Alhaitham, Kaveh is marking down degradation and humiliation as yeses, too—so Alhaitham can have his fun that way, even if Kaveh is more partial to praise.
(He’s still definitely voting yes for praise kink, though, in case Alhaitham feels uncharacteristically generous.)
Bondage. Alhaitham is almost guaranteed to be interested in that, since it’s a classic kink, but Kaveh wonders how he’ll want to approach it. Would he prefer to tie up Kaveh, or to be tied up himself?
Really, Kaveh is struggling to imagine Alhaitham giving up any control during sex. He prefers to be in charge of himself; he’s not the sort of person to follow orders or listen to authority. He’d always skipped classes as an Akademiya student, and even now that he’s employed, he rarely actually shows up to his office. The only time Alhaitham doesn’t like to be in charge is when the alternative seems like more of a hassle, like when he stepped down from being Acting Grand Sage because the position was too troublesome.
Wait. Alhaitham isn’t going to be a pillow prince, is he? Kaveh absolutely refuses to have sex with a slacker.
But sadly, that’s the easiest thing to envision yet: Alhaitham lounging in bed with loose limbs, insisting that Kaveh do all the work. You offered to help me explore kinks, Alhaitham would say. You never specified that I needed to be an active participant.
“Ugh,” Kaveh mutters. “Insufferable. Well, maybe I will tie you up and do all the work. See how you like that.”
Despite his irritation, that image sends a pulse of arousal straight to his groin. Alhaitham would look so pretty trussed up with rope—arms and legs bound, unable to move as Kaveh flips him onto his stomach and fucks him senseless. Desperately trying to muffle his moans against the pillows, and writhing as he attempts to escape Kaveh’s gaze, his ass on full display.
Spanking. Kaveh isn’t sure about that one. He’s never tried it before, since he always felt too embarrassed to ask his partners. In theory, it could be exciting…but it also could be incredibly awkward.
He taps his pen against the page, trying to imagine what that would look like. Alhaitham might drape Kaveh over his lap and shove his pants down, running a palm along his bare skin. Maybe he’d scold Kaveh for running up a tab at Lambad’s again, prompting him to retort—and then Alhaitham’s palm would crack against his ass, hard enough to sting, making Kaveh jolt from the impact. Then another smack, and another. And if Kaveh tried to squirm away, Alhaitham would press one hand to his back and hold him down, pinning Kaveh so that he could feel Alhaitham getting hard beneath him, and…
Kaveh shudders. Why is that image so damn erotic? Could he really get off from being spanked by his infuriating roommate? Shouldn’t that idea be ridiculous and annoying, at most?
Glancing down, he realizes that he’s pressed his pen in place for too long, too hard, making a large blot of ink bleed across the word spanking. It makes it look like Kaveh was trying to black out the word.
Kaveh instantly snatches his pen off the page. No, no—he definitely wants to try that one. He can’t let Alhaitham think that he crossed it off.
Frantically, Kaveh scribbles MY INK SPILLED BUT THIS ONE IS A YES, and instantly feels his face burn with shame, because now he seems far too enthusiastic about either spanking or being spanked.
That makes him wonder: would Alhaitham let Kaveh spank him? Surely not. Alhaitham would probably find the idea silly.
Oral sex. Anal sex. Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes. Kaveh wants Alhaitham’s dick inside him, any way possible. Of course, he also wants his dick inside Alhaitham, but he’ll have to wait and find out where Alhaitham stands on that issue. Perhaps Alhaitham doesn’t even want to have penetrative sex at all…which is fine, as long as Alhaitham is amenable to oral sex. Kaveh hasn’t forgotten how tantalizing Alhaitham looked with those fingers in his mouth. He’s certain he’d look even prettier sucking on cock.
Kaveh’s skin feels warm, and there’s a feeling of molten need building in his gut. He’s tempted to abandon the list and lose himself to his fantasies, guiding himself to satisfaction with his hand.
It almost pisses him off. He really shouldn’t be this worked up over the idea of sex with Alhaitham, of all people.
Kaveh quickly reviews the list one last time—cringing once again at how he might as well have written PLEASE SPANK ME!!! in the margins—and then he forces himself to wait for the ink to dry.
By now, the sun has sunk below the horizon, leaving dusk light to seep through the windows of the study. Although Alhaitham has probably started getting ready for bed at this point, he should still be awake. As long as Kaveh doesn’t dally, he can catch Alhaitham before he goes to sleep.
Once the ink seems dry and Kaveh’s erection has mostly gone away, he plucks up the list and leaves in search of Alhaitham. It takes most of his willpower not to crumple up the paper like a scrapped design and throw it in the trash, but he resists the temptation long enough to find Alhaitham in the kitchen.
Alhaitham stands at the counter in a loose black shirt and pants, a glass of water in his hand, his headphones conspicuously absent. His hair looks damp, and there are a few water droplets dotting his collarbone. He must have showered while Kaveh was agonizing over the list.
His eyes track Kaveh as he enters the room. Once again, there’s a strange intensity to his gaze, as if Kaveh is covered in runes that he needs to decode.
Kaveh is fairly certain that before this past week, Alhaitham never looked at him like that. He’d have noticed if he did. It makes him feel helplessly exposed, and sends sweet shivers across his skin.
Kaveh clears his throat and holds up the paper. “I, um…I have my list.”
Alhaitham nods. He takes a sip of water, then sets down the glass and moves to wash his hands in the sink.
It suddenly occurs to Kaveh that Alhaitham just showered. Does that mean that he’ll want to look at the lists and start tonight? Archons, no. Kaveh isn’t mentally prepared for that.
He waves the paper awkwardly. “So, I guess I’ll just…give this to you? Or, ah, set it on the counter…”
Alhaitham dries off his hands and circles the counter to stand in front of Kaveh. Instead of taking the proffered paper, though, he simply stares into Kaveh’s eyes, saying nothing.
Just as Kaveh is about to snap at Alhaitham for his mysterious silence, Alhaitham reaches out and grips Kaveh’s chin.
Kaveh frowns. What is he…?
Then Alhaitham presses his index finger against Kaveh’s lower lip, and heat pools below his stomach.
Oh. Oh. Is Alhaitham—is he really—?
Kaveh tentatively opens his mouth, wondering if he’s read the situation correctly.
Carefully, Alhaitham slips his finger past Kaveh’s lips and rests it against his tongue. Kaveh hesitantly licks, and when Alhaitham doesn’t withdraw, he closes his lips and sucks more intently.
Alhaitham slowly thrusts his finger in and out, rubbing against Kaveh’s lips and slicking his knuckles with drool. Heat curls in Kaveh’s stomach, and he stares at Alhaitham with half-lidded eyes, breathing through his nose.
Then Alhaitham slides a second finger alongside the first, stretching Kaveh’s lips wider, and Kaveh practically goes limp. He whimpers from the weight of Alhaitham’s sharp gaze, from the mouth-full feeling.
Alhaitham delicately strokes Kaveh’s cheek with his other hand. Tucks a strand of hair behind his ear, trails his fingertips along Kaveh’s jaw. Curls his other fingers against Kaveh’s tongue and makes Kaveh moan against his skin, so loudly that shame curls in his chest.
Alhaitham looks so good when he’s in control. He’s dressed down while Kaveh is still wearing his daywear, but it doesn’t matter; Kaveh might as well be stripped naked in front of him. He’s biting back whimpers and whines while Alhaitham just stands there, casually fucking Kaveh’s mouth with his fingers, his intense gaze never wavering.
Kaveh’s cock presses against his pants, fully hard again, practically aching to be touched.
He wonders how the fingers in his mouth would feel around his cock, stroking and squeezing. Or how they’d feel if they brushed against his entrance and slipped inside, pressing in all the right places, stretching him open.
Kaveh moves his head to take Alhaitham’s fingers farther into his mouth, until they reach the back of his throat. Alhaitham watches with a fascinated look in his eyes, and Kaveh returns his stare with an unfocused gaze. See how good I am, he thinks. Choose me, Alhaitham, choose me, please, please, I’ll be good.
Alhaitham’s other hand keeps petting Kaveh’s cheek as he works his fingers in and out of his mouth. Kaveh moans again, gasping at the sound of his voice being muffled by Alhaitham’s fingers. It’s good, so good, and he’s hard, gods, he’s so hard.
Alhaitham keeps staring at him, lips parted slightly, breaths coming faster, and Kaveh tries to imagine what Alhaitham sees. He remembers how Alhaitham had looked with his pretty lips rounded around Kaveh’s fingers, and that docile expression on his face—hopes that he looks just as good, lips stretched wide as he licks and sucks—imagines how it would feel if he had Alhaitham’s cock in his mouth instead, thick and heavy on this tongue, pressing the back of his throat, and—
And Alhaitham is still looking at him, and—
Kaveh’s breath stutters, and his hips jerk forward as he comes.
It’s like sparks are igniting in his veins, flashing and then fizzling out in an instant. Kaveh bows his head as a shudder races through his body, and a low moan slips from his lips.
Gradually, the feeling fades, and Kaveh takes a shaky breath.
“Hm.” Alhaitham withdraws his hand, then wipes his fingers on Kaveh’s shoulder.
Kaveh gasps for breath and stares at Alhaitham in disbelief. Shame courses through him as he registers the wet, sticky feeling in his underwear.
He came. He literally just came from sucking on Alhaitham’s fingers.
“Kaveh,” Alhaitham says. He holds out his hand, presumably for the list, but Kaveh doesn’t move. “Kaveh…?”
Kaveh’s face burns hot, and he watches Alhaitham with wide eyes, mortified. He can’t bring himself to speak.
A smirk tugs at Alhaitham’s lips. “Heh. Are you…” His eyes trail down to Kaveh’s pants, and he squints. “Wait, did you…?”
Kaveh shuts his eyes and winces, feeling the blush spread to his ears. He can’t believe it. This can’t be happening. Did he seriously just come untouched from having Alhaitham’s fingers in his mouth?
Not even his dick! Just his fucking fingers!
He wants to die. Alhaitham is never going to sleep with him after this. He’ll never let him live this down.
Then Alhaitham laughs—but it’s a deep honeyed sound, like tea brewed with rose petals. Liquid and sweet, and oh, Kaveh’s knees nearly buckle from hearing it.
Alhaitham has no right to sound that good. He has no right to make Kaveh feel this way.
Kaveh opens his eyes to find that Alhaitham is still staring at him. His lips are curled in a curious smile, and his eyes glimmer with interest, as if he’s just spied a particularly rare book on someone’s shelf.
Kaveh takes a trembling breath and tries not to sob. “I—sorry, I—”
“You did, then?”
“What does it look like?” Kaveh hisses, covering his face with his hands. He thinks the wet spot on his pants speaks for itself.
“Good. That means you’re interested.” Alhaitham takes the list dangling from Kaveh’s hand, then brushes past him and leaves the kitchen.
Kaveh stands completely still in the warm lamplight of the room, head spinning, heart racing in his chest.
That means you’re interested.
What…
What is that supposed to mean?!
That was Alhaitham’s main takeaway? Not that Kaveh won’t even last five seconds in bed with him, or that Kaveh is pathetic, or even that Kaveh clearly isn’t getting laid enough—no, Alhaitham’s reaction is just, Oh, at least I know that Kaveh really wants my dick.
Really? Really?
“Augh!” Kaveh fists his hands in his hair and glares at the abandoned glass of water on the counter—because of course Alhaitham left behind a dirty dish. Of course he did. Why, why, why must Kaveh live with the most attractive yet infuriating man in all of Sumeru?
In theory, that’s probably the best reaction Kaveh could hope for. It means that Alhaitham isn’t thinking about how badly this reflects on Kaveh. He isn’t disgusted or disappointed. Maybe he even found it slightly attractive.
But naturally Alhaitham is thinking of how Kaveh’s orgasm reflects on him. Self-centered bastard.
Self-centered bastard…with sinfully deft fingers, an enticing smirk, and a laugh that makes Kaveh want to drop to his knees and do whatever he says.
Gods. Arranging to sleep with Alhaitham may be Kaveh’s stupidest move to date. (And he’s still practically bankrupt from the Palace of Alcazarzaray project, so it’s not as if there’s a shortage of stupid mistakes to choose from.)
For once, Kaveh starts getting ready for bed early—because there’s no way he’ll be able to focus on work with Alhaitham’s stupid sensuous laugh echoing in his mind.
The next day, Kaveh purposely stays in his room until he’s sure that Alhaitham has left for work. As a result, the two don’t run into each other until Alhaitham comes home for dinner that evening.
Kaveh has just finished dicing an onion when Alhaitham peers into the kitchen and says, “Oh. There you are.”
Nodding, Kaveh scoops the onion off the cutting board and into a bowl. “Welcome home.”
Alhaitham leans against the doorframe. He’s already taken off his ostentatious cape, leaving only a black buttoned shirt and pants. The top two buttons are undone, exposing a triangle of light tan skin beneath. “You started dinner without me,” he notes.
“I needed something to do,” Kaveh says, pointedly keeping his eyes on the knife he’s rinsing off. He’s seen Alhaitham wear that top before—it’s one of his only shirts that isn’t somewhat transparent—but why does it feel so different now? And why is the glimpse of skin from those undone buttons somehow worse than when Kaveh can see Alhaitham’s entire tits through his shirt?
“Your piles of work and overwhelming debt aren’t enough?”
“Tch.” Of course Alhaitham would find an opportunity to point out Kaveh’s financial failings. “I wasn’t going to eat without you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“The food would taste the same whether or not I ate it alone.”
“Well, then. Eat it alone.”
“I’d prefer not to.”
Kaveh meets Alhaitham’s eyes. There’s no humor in them; it seems that he doesn’t have a quip queued up. “Then you can start cooking the onions while I prepare the rest of the ingredients.” Swallowing thickly, he grabs a tomato from the pile of ingredients and sets about slicing it.
Surprisingly, Alhaitham joins Kaveh at the counter without protest. He grabs the bowl with the chopped onions, then pauses. “You haven’t cooked the rice yet.”
“What?” Kaveh glances at the washed rice sitting on the counter. “Oh. I forgot.”
Alhaitham places the bowl back on the counter and goes to the stove instead, setting a pot of water to boil. Just as Kaveh turns back to the tomato he’s chopping, Alhaitham’s hand lands on his shoulder, light but firm.
“There’s no need to be embarrassed about yesterday,” Alhaitham says.
Kaveh’s face instantly heats, no doubt the same color as the tomato in front of him. “Can you not—”
“I assume that’s the reason you avoided me this morning, and why you’ve barely spoken a word to me this evening.”
“I—I’m busy.” Alhaitham’s hand is still on his shoulder, and he’s standing far too close. Kaveh sets down the knife and grips the counter, inhaling deeply. “It’s not…I…”
Alhaitham is right, though. Despite his positive reaction to Kaveh’s blunder last night, Kaveh can barely look him in the eyes. He feels like it’s impossible for Alhaitham to take him seriously now. Not that he ever took Kaveh seriously to begin with—but how can Kaveh feign scholarly indifference towards this sexual experiment of theirs, when his body has made it abundantly clear how much he wants Alhaitham? His desperation is pathetically obvious.
“Would you prefer for me to think that you’re indifferent?” Alhaitham asks, because he’s always had an uncanny ability to identify Kaveh’s anxieties. “A good scholar doesn’t conduct an experiment in which they have no interest. I’d think less of you if you were apathetic.”
That’s rich coming from Alhaitham, a man who is completely uninterested in his job—although, to his credit, he does become quite absorbed in his independent research projects.
But why must he phrase things so frustratingly, in a way so utterly devoid of passion? He can’t simply say, Relax, Kaveh. I find you attractive. You looked so pretty when you came from sucking my fingers. Instead he has to say it like a fucking performance review. The higher-ups are impressed by your investment in the project, Senior Kaveh.
“I’m glad you appreciate my enthusiasm,” Kaveh mutters.
Alhaitham’s hand disappears from his shoulder. “You still feel upset.”
“Yes, I’m upset!” Kaveh says, whirling around to face him, and—oh. Alhaitham is looming surprisingly close, enough for Kaveh to see the fiery rings around his pupils. “I fucking came in my pants just from sucking on your fingers, and meanwhile, you’re completely unfazed by everything! If anything, it seems to me that you lack interest!”
“That’s what you think? That I lack interest?” Alhaitham idly dips his finger into a jar of yogurt that Kaveh forgot to put away, and contemplates the spot of white on his fingertip. “I still haven’t finished reviewing our lists. Do you know why?”
“Because you stopped to laugh at every single thing I marked as a yes?” Kaveh says. “Also, your hands had better be clean. We’re eating that yogurt with dinner.”
“I haven’t even looked at your list yet.” Staring at nothing in particular, Alhaitham licks the yogurt off his finger and sucks at the tip, humming. Kaveh feels a distinct tightening between his legs at the sight.
“I—I see,” Kaveh says, his heartbeat quickening. “So you lack interest and promptness, is that it?”
“I didn’t think I’d get any sleep if I looked at it. The image of you sucking on my fingers was already enough to keep me up for a few hours.” Alhaitham slowly drags his lips along his finger, which seems extremely unnecessary when he’s already licked the yogurt off. Then he leans close to Kaveh’s ear and murmurs, “I’m surprised you didn’t hear me. Our walls aren’t that thick.”
There’s an implication, there: that Alhaitham has most certainly heard Kaveh touching himself and gasping Alhaitham’s name this past week. “H-hear what?” Kaveh asks, just to be difficult. “The sound of your boisterous laughter? I must have slept through it.”
“Hm. You’re trying to goad me into saying it explicitly, aren’t you.”
Kaveh catches Alhaitham’s eye and forces himself not to look away. “And if I am? It’s not like you to be so indirect, Alhaitham.”
“Fine.” Alhaitham presses a hand to Kaveh’s chest, palm cool against his exposed skin, and says, “I fucked my hand last night and imagined that it was your mouth. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the sounds you made when you came, or the face you made when you realized what had happened. I even thought about it at work today, and couldn’t leave my desk for twenty minutes because I was so hard.”
“Fuck,” Kaveh breathes.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Did Alhaitham’s book teach him to talk like that? What was Kaveh thinking, asking Alhaitham to give him a straightforward answer?
Alhaitham’s hand trails down to Kaveh’s waist. “Do you want me to get you off?”
“Wh—now?” Kaveh’s eyes widen. “I—I mean…”
Alhaitham waits. Kaveh is sorely tempted to say yes, to go pliant in his hands and let Alhaitham do whatever he wants. Yes, yes, yes, he nearly says, except—
Except no, because he can’t just let Alhaitham have control so easily! Alhaitham already seems like the sort of person who probably wouldn’t let anyone dominate him, and if Kaveh gives in now, then he’ll be permanently locking himself into a submissive role. He needs to maintain some semblance of composure, unless he wants to abandon several dozen of his sexual fantasies about Alhaitham.
“Right now,” Kaveh says, gripping Alhaitham’s wrist, “I want you to behave yourself and help me make dinner.”
There’s a moment of silence, and then Alhaitham lets go of his waist. “Alright,” he says, stepping away. A moment later, he’s standing at the counter next to Kaveh, peeling potatoes as if nothing happened.
Shit. Why is he so attractive and composed? It’s not fair.
Kaveh clears his throat. “Do—do you want me to get you off?”
Alhaitham’s eyes flick toward him. “While I peel and chop potatoes? I don’t believe that’s what knife play refers to, Kaveh.”
“You—I—oh, shut up!”
Alhaitham smirks, and his deft fingers continue their work.
After dinner, instead of reading a book on the couch like he normally does, Alhaitham retreats to his room—although whether it’s to jerk off or finally review the lists, Kaveh can’t be sure. Alhaitham had certainly seemed distracted during dinner, staring off into space and responding belatedly to Kaveh’s comments.
Later, as Kaveh emerges from the bathroom with minty breath and wearing a soft pair of pajamas, he nearly collides with Alhaitham in the hallway. “Oh, sorry,” he says. “I—”
His eyes land on the paper in Alhaitham’s hand, and his stomach swoops. “Is…that, uh…”
“I have the final list,” Alhaitham says. He looks a bit nonplussed—eyes startled, limbs frozen—despite the fact that he must have been searching for Kaveh.
Kaveh suddenly feels as if he bid on a construction project and is about to find out whether he’s been chosen for the job. His stomach flutters with nerves, and he can’t breathe deeply, can’t quite meet Alhaitham’s eyes.
Alhaitham stiffly holds out the paper, and Kaveh takes it from his hand.
Is he supposed to read it now? Or does Alhaitham expect him to leave and review it in the privacy of his room? Maybe the latter would be better. Despite Alhaitham’s earlier reassurances, Kaveh still half-expects the paper in his hand to say NOTHING—AS IF I’D EVER HAVE SEX WITH YOU!
Seconds crawl past, and neither one of them moves.
Finally, when the silence has begun to grate on his ears, Kaveh takes a deep breath and looks at the list.
Oh.
It’s real. It’s a real list.
And it’s long.
“Comparing the lists didn’t take much time,” Alhaitham says, “seeing as—”
“Holy shit,” Kaveh mutters.
It’s all there. Everything he marked down. Everything.
Praise kink, begging, dominance and submissiveness, so many others. And spanking—archons, Alhaitham agreed to spanking…wait.
Kaveh squints at a note scrawled in the margins next to that one.
Kaveh seems quite enthusiastic about this kink.
“You ass!” Kaveh snaps. “I told you, my ink spilled!”
“I see.” Alhaitham raises an eyebrow. “So did I misunderstand? Are you not—”
“Shut up,” Kaveh sings, “shut up, shut up, shut up.”
“Fortunately for you, gags are on the list as well, so—”
“Glad to see you’re so calm about this.” Kaveh almost feels like screaming. It’s overwhelming, seeing all of the options laid out like this and knowing that every one is an actual possibility now. “Aren’t you even slightly daunted? This is a to-do list, Alhaitham! Every single thing on here...”
“Relax,” Alhaitham says, which has historically had the opposite effect on Kaveh. Now is no exception: he grinds his teeth and clenches the list in his hands. “This is a list of things that we both indicated we were willing to try. That doesn’t mean we’re obligated to do everything on it.”
“We…” Kaveh wets his lips. “We really didn’t eliminate many options, did we?”
“No. It seems we’re both rather curious.” When Kaveh doesn’t reply right away, Alhaitham asks, “Are you still comfortable with this arrangement?”
“What?” Wide-eyed, Kaveh looks up at Alhaitham. “I—yes, obviously yes. I’m just…overwhelmed.” He taps the list with a finger. “You—you said we don’t have to do everything on here, but…do you want to? Do everything?”
“I’m open to that. Unless it’s too much for you.”
“Too much,” Kaveh scoffs. “As if.”
Oh, gods, it’s definitely too much.
“If you say so,” Alhaitham says.
“I—I do say so.” Kaveh clears his throat and turns the list to face Alhaitham. “And when you say everything…do you mean both ways? As in, you want to try doing these things to me, and also having them done to you?”
Alhaitham frowns at the paper being thrust in his face. “Of course. Our investigation would be incomplete otherwise.”
“So, you—you want me to dominate you, and…and restrain you, and…spank you?”
Kaveh knows that the answer is probably yes, but he doesn’t dare hope. He can’t actually believe that Alhaitham would agree to any of that.
Folding his arms, Alhaitham says, “I think the answer to that question is encapsulated by my previous response. The only exception would be if you were uncomfortable with something going both ways.”
Kaveh grunts. He’d rather hear that Alhaitham wants it, in plain and simple terms. None of this roundabout I want a complete investigation nonsense.
“Oh, I see.” Alhaitham’s lips curl upward, and he steps forward, pushing the list aside so that he can look at Kaveh properly. “You like to make me say things explicitly. In which case…” Another step forward, and Alhaitham smooths his hands up Kaveh’s chest, his fingers tracing the deep collar of his silk shirt. “Yes, Kaveh. I want you to dominate me, and restrain me, and spank me.”
Kaveh gasps and nearly drops the list. Heat shoots through his veins like espresso, making every inch of him feel alive and wired. Arousal stirs below his hips, and he suddenly craves more of Alhaitham’s skin against his.
Alhaitham chuckles. “You really are easy to rile up.”
“You…!” Kaveh huffs and points a finger at Alhaitham—but Alhaitham captures his wrist and regards his hand pensively, almost like he’s considering sucking on his fingers again. Dear gods. “You say it as a joke now, but I’ll make you say it like you mean it. I’ll make you beg.”
“Also on the list,” Alhaitham says smoothly. His lips are tilted in a definite smile now, though it’s hard to tell whether it’s a teasing or genuine one.
“Once I have my way with you,” Kaveh growls, “you won’t be so nonchalant.”
“I suppose we’ll see.”
“Yes, we will!”
Alhaitham’s lips twitch, and he exhales a laugh through his nose. “Then we’re on the same page. Good.”
“N-no, we’re not!” Kaveh says. “Because you don’t really think I can do it.”
Alhaitham raises his eyebrows—and that does it.
Kaveh drops the list and grabs him by the arms, then spins and pushes Alhaitham against the wall. “I’m going to wreck you, do you hear me?” He presses his hands to Alhaitham’s hips and leans close to his ear, lowering his voice to a murmur. “I haven’t forgotten how desperate you looked with my fingers in your mouth. I’m sure you’re equally desperate to suck on my cock—and judging by our list, you don’t want to stop at having it in your mouth.”
He drags a hand along Alhaitham’s waist, ghosting under the hem of his shirt and skimming his bare hip. Alhaitham’s breath hitches.
“Isn’t that right, Haitham?” Kaveh says. “You want me to fuck you, too. And no, that’s not a question, because the answer is obvious. You can’t hide how much you want it.”
Alhaitham exhales shakily. He doesn’t try to escape from Kaveh’s grasp—just stands there, breaths coming faster, head tilted back slightly.
Kaveh grips his hips and pulls him close, grinding against him once. “But you’re right,” he says. “I do like to make you say things explicitly. So why don’t you tell me, Alhaitham? Tell me how much you want it.”
Alhaitham says nothing, but his hands latch onto Kaveh’s arms, holding him in place.
“Or,” Kaveh adds, brushing his lips against Alhaitham’s jaw, “I’ll settle for you showing me instead. My requirements are flexible.”
He’s intending to touch Alhaitham, one way or another—but then Alhaitham grabs Kaveh’s face and pulls him into a kiss.
Kaveh’s nails dig into Alhaitham’s waist as he kisses him back, crowding him against the wall. One of Alhaitham’s hands tangles in his hair, tugging lightly and making Kaveh groan. Kaveh deepens the kiss in response, rolling his hips against Alhaitham’s.
Alhaitham gasps and jerks against him. Despite the intensity, though, his lips move sweetly, carefully, and Kaveh wonders whether it’s precision or inexperience.
Gods, how much experience does Alhaitham actually have?
Rather than making Kaveh ease off, the question only makes him redouble his efforts. Regardless of the answer, Kaveh is determined to be better than anyone else Alhaitham has had.
He keeps grinding against Alhaitham, and Alhaitham copies the movements, rubbing their clothed cocks together. He must feel how hard Kaveh is, because Kaveh’s sleep pants are thin, and arousal pulses below his stomach with every move Alhaitham makes. There’s no question that he’s interested.
Kaveh’s hands fumble at Alhaitham’s beltline, searching for the button to undo his pants. Humming, Alhaitham reaches down and tugs Kaveh’s cock free from his pants—and when he wraps his calloused hand around it, Kaveh breaks the kiss to moan into his shoulder instead. He shivers and lets his eyes fall shut, nearly forgetting his intention to get Alhaitham’s pants off.
Alhaitham’s amused huff brings Kaveh back to himself, and he hastily reaches for Alhaitham’s pants and undoes them. Smirking, he pulls Alhaitham’s pants down unnecessarily far, enough to bare his entire ass.
“Wh—” Alhaitham’s question is muffled by Kaveh’s lips on his, and he groans as Kaveh’s nails drag across his ass and squeeze.
Kaveh pulls him closer and pins their hips together, then reaches one hand between them and messily strokes Alhaitham’s cock. His other hand continues to cup Alhaitham’s ass, nails digging into the soft skin.
Alhaitham’s breaths are quick and ragged, even as his hand steadily strokes Kaveh’s cock. He braces his free hand against Kaveh’s shoulder, and Kaveh presses haphazard kisses to his lips, revelling in the way Alhaitham chases his mouth for each kiss. When Kaveh eventually pulls back for air, Alhaitham drags kisses along his jaw instead, sending a thrill down Kaveh’s spine.
Kaveh buries his face against Alhaitham’s neck and sucks a mark onto his skin, too high for any collar to hide. Alhaitham jolts, a quiet moan slipping from his mouth, and Kaveh nips playfully at his throat before leaving another conspicuous mark.
Alhaitham feels so warm, so close, his hair tickling Kaveh’s face, his nails biting into his shoulder. And he’s clinging so tightly to him, too—like he refuses to let Kaveh leave, like he needs to keep Kaveh’s hands on him, like he actually wants Kaveh.
Like he actually wants him.
Kaveh gasps, suddenly hyperaware of each touch of Alhaitham’s hand—how his thumb circles the tip of his cock, how he trails his fingertips below the head, how he tightens his grip as he slides his hand upward. Alhaitham is touching him, really touching him, and will keep doing that until Kaveh comes.
The thought of Alhaitham actually trying to make Kaveh feel good is so surreal, so unbelievable, that Kaveh feels like he must be dreaming. His mind spins with the realization that Alhaitham must be paying attention to his reactions, carefully calculating his movements, adjusting each touch to bring Kaveh closer to the edge.
It's possibly the most effort Alhaitham has ever put into their nebulous relationship with each other, and Kaveh’s stomach flutters stupidly at the thought.
But this definitely isn’t a dream. If it were a dream, Kaveh would have buried himself inside Alhaitham by now, fucked him against the wall and refused to let him come unless he begged.
He’s definitely making him beg, next time.
Kaveh trails a finger along the cleft of Alhaitham’s ass. “One of these days,” he whispers, “I’ll make good use of this pretty ass of yours.”
Alhaitham makes a choked sound and curls against Kaveh, his hand momentarily fumbling.
Kaveh laughs and presses a gentle kiss below Alhaitham’s jaw. “And you say I’m easy to rile up? I think that’s you.”
“N-not—” Alhaitham’s breath rasps with a sigh, and Kaveh wonders how he must feel right now, hearing his own voice so abnormally wrecked. “Not mutually e-exclusive.”
“At least I can still form complete sentences.”
It’s entrancing, the way Alhaitham is lost for words. Stubborn Alhaitham, always so composed, so confident that he can win any argument—now reduced to a breathless mess, barely able to spit out three words.
Kaveh nearly comes just from that thought. But he holds himself together, determined to watch Alhaitham come undone first. He strokes Alhaitham’s cock and focuses on the sound of his uneven breaths, on the open-mouthed kisses Alhaitham presses to his throat.
Struck by inspiration, Kaveh lets go of Alhaitham’s ass and grips his chin. “Look at me,” he says.
Alhaitham’s eyes meet his. His lips are parted as he gasps for breath, matched by the sharp rise and fall of his shoulders, and his brow is pinched in confusion, as if he doesn’t understand how he could end up so powerless, doesn’t understand how Kaveh could make him feel like this.
Still gripping his cock, Kaveh releases Alhaitham’s chin and taps his lips. He doesn’t issue the actual command—just lifts his eyebrows pointedly and waits.
Eyes widening, Alhaitham parts his lips and takes Kaveh’s finger into his mouth.
It’s ten times more erotic than that day in the living room, because now Alhaitham is panting, skin flushed, his cock slick with precum in Kaveh’s hand. His nails carve into Kaveh’s shoulder hard enough to sting, and the hand stroking Kaveh’s cock loses its precision.
“Go on,” Kaveh murmurs. Alhaitham intently sucks and licks, then drags his lips upward so that the finger smears spit on his chin. “J-just like that. I know what you want.”
Gods, oh, gods. Alhaitham is so eager as he practically drools on Kaveh’s hand, his eyes never straying from Kaveh’s.
Kaveh doesn’t know if he can last much longer when Alhaitham looks like this, feels like this. His mouth warm, wet, pliant—it’s too easy to imagine how it would feel to have those lips around Kaveh’s cock instead.
Breathing shakily, Kaveh presses another finger alongside the first, and Alhaitham instantly takes both into his mouth, moaning around them. His hand somehow manages to grip Kaveh’s cock again, and he resumes his previous efforts with unsteady movements.
Kaveh keeps stroking Alhaitham as he thrusts his fingers in and out of his mouth, gradually pushing them deeper. Quiet moans stutter in Alhaitham’s throat as his tongue sweeps along Kaveh’s skin, spit gleaming on the corner of his lips.
Then Kaveh presses his fingers a bit too far, and Alhaitham gags, his body seizing up. A low moan tears from his lips, and as Kaveh yanks his fingers back, he feels Alhaitham’s cock twitch in his grasp, spilling onto his hand.
Alhaitham trembles against Kaveh, squeezing his eyes shut as he comes. Kaveh grabs his chin and kisses him through the rest of his climax, feeling each moan vibrate against his lips. It’s good, so good, too good—
And then Kaveh hurtles after Alhaitham, body tensing as his cock adds to the mess on their hands. He gasps into Alhaitham’s mouth, and then his legs buckle, collapsing him against Alhaitham’s chest.
They both go limp, and for a moment, the only sound is their lungs heaving for air. Kaveh presses his forehead to Alhaitham’s shoulder and breathes in the faint scent of sweat and sex, trying to collect himself.
Gradually, his ability to think returns, and he drifts back to reality.
His clothes are askew. Both of his hands are wet. Alhaitham is shifting beneath him, trying to nudge Kaveh’s full weight off his chest.
And the two of them just got each other off in the hallway.
Kaveh slowly pushes himself upright, staggering slightly as he regains his balance. He notes that Alhaitham seems equally disheveled: he’s slumped against the wall with his pants around his thighs, at least three hickeys on his throat, and a splayed hand covered in cum.
Kaveh glances down at his own messy hand. Raising an eyebrow, he lifts his fingers to his mouth and sucks, relishing how Alhaitham watches with wide eyes as he licks his hand clean.
Thick, alkaline, it certainly doesn’t taste as good as an evening cup of tea—but it’s better for the way it makes Alhaitham’s face and shoulders flush deep red, his lips parting in surprise. He legitimately looks like he might try to go for a second round.
When Kaveh finally lowers his fingers from his mouth, an uncertain silence settles over the hallway, and Alhaitham grips the bathroom doorframe with his clean hand. “I’m going to take a shower,” he says, his voice surprisingly level.
He—he’s done, just like that? Gods above. The only way Alhaitham could make this any more impersonal would be to give Kaveh a handshake and thank him for doing business.
“Wait!” Kaveh blurts out, and Alhaitham stares at him. “Let me, um…clean you up first, and get you some water.”
“I can clean up and get water in the bathroom.”
“R-right, but…”
Is this really the same person who just came from gagging on Kaveh’s fingers two minutes ago? Was there some strange bacteria in the yogurt they ate earlier that somehow made Kaveh hallucinate that whole encounter?
Well, Alhaitham might want to beat a hasty retreat, but Kaveh isn’t satisfied with just walking away—he feels the need to do some sort of bonding or aftercare, however slight. Even if there will be plenty of chances once they officially start working through the list, this feels too…abrupt. Meaningless. As if Kaveh failed to give Alhaitham a good enough reason to stick around, and doesn’t deserve a minute more of his time.
“Um.” Kaveh swallows nervously. Since Alhaitham rejected his offer to clean him up or get him water, he isn’t sure what else to suggest. “I’ll…brew some tea, then…?”
Alhaitham regards him for longer than necessary, then nods.
As he turns to leave, Kaveh adds, “Don’t forget to take off your headphones!”
Alhaitham gives him a quizzical look. “What?”
“You…I wasn’t sure how distracted you’d be, after…” Kaveh waves his hand. “So, ah—you know, just in case you forgot that you were wearing them, don’t…get your headphones wet.”
“I see.” Lingering in the doorway, Alhaitham contemplates the mess on his hand. Then he holds up a finger and sucks it clean, staring off into space. “Hm.”
Without another word, he slips into the bathroom and shuts the door behind him.
Kaveh wheezes.
He can’t believe that man. How can he act so unaffected, when Kaveh feels like dropping to the ground and screaming?
He just touched Alhaitham’s dick. He just made Alhaitham orgasm.
He just had sex with a man that he’s known for close to a decade—except there was a conspicuous falling-out in the middle of that decade: one that detonated their years-long friendship and landed them in this inexplicable arrangement, where they’re still something, but neither one of them knows what.
The two of them can’t even figure out how to be friends again, and now they’re having sex. Because of course they are. Kaveh and Alhaitham have been a complete disaster ever since that joint project; it only makes sense that they’d continue to complicate things now.
And yet, there had been nothing complicated about how Alhaitham fell apart in Kaveh’s hands, gasping and moaning as he came.
Well. At least one part of his relationship with Alhaitham is finally simple.
Kaveh sighs and tugs his pants back up. Years ago, back when he and Alhaitham were still friends, Kaveh might have been upset that this first encounter wasn’t more romantic. He might have fantasized about slow lovemaking on soft sheets, their bodies tangled together in the amber glow of late evening. Whispered affections, playful teasing. Lingering kisses and delicate touches.
Even if they were just friends instead of lovers, Kaveh still would have wanted to take his time with someone he cared about. He’d have balked at the idea of a quick fuck in the hallway, with no sweet words, no taking their time, not even a bed.
But this is what they are, now: a disjointed patchwork of past and present, like a beautiful old house with ghastly renovations. There’s still the foundation of familiarity, but the house itself has been painted over with ugly things: quick tempers, biting sarcasm, foolish impulses. Some days, Kaveh doesn’t even remember what he and Alhaitham used to look like. Even as the paint peels, he just sees a second hideous layer underneath.
So, a sexual encounter where they moved almost wordlessly in tandem, but couldn’t be bothered to make it intimate or loving—in a pitiful way, it suits them.
With shaky steps, Kaveh retrieves the list from where it fluttered to the ground. As he scans the words a second time, reality settles in: this was the first time he had sex with Alhaitham, but it’s nowhere near the last.
He doesn’t know what that means—whether the two of them will further disarray themselves with each attempt, or whether they’ll eventually find some sort of footing with each other. Although Kaveh has no illusions that he and Alhaitham will ever salvage their failed friendship, he wonders if maybe he and Alhaitham can still succeed at something together.
Even if that something is sex.
Because just now, Alhaitham had been far more cooperative than Kaveh had anticipated. He was an active participant. He was visibly affected by what Kaveh did to him. He was interested.
It’s a promising start, even if it follows on the heels of a years-old ending.
Kaveh reads over the list again.
It…really is a long list.
A long list of things he’s going to do with Alhaitham.
Sexual things. Because they’re having sex now, apparently.
Face heating, Kaveh leans his forehead against the wall and wonders what he’s gotten himself into.