Chapter Text
“A penny for your thoughts?” Ricky questioned, leaning himself against the big oak tree behind the school as he looked down at Gina who had been staring out at the field as she sat near the tree’s root.
She didn’t say anything. She just held out her hand in his direction. He smiled. Ricky dug the penny out his pocket and placed it in the palm of her warm hand. “How’d you know I’d actually have a penny?” He asked as he took a seat next to her, crossing his legs identically to hers.
“Because I know you.” She replied, finally turning to look at him as she flipped the smooth coin over between her fingers. “You’d do some dorky shit like that.” She deadpanned, looking over the field again.
“Ouch.” He placed his hand over his chest lightheartedly. “Gina Porter; hitting people where it hurts since the day she was born, starting of course with Terri Porter and her strenuous twenty two hour labor…”
“Shut up, I told you that in confidence!” She finally let a crack show through her armor as the corners of her mouth upturned and she shoved his shoulder. When the ice decidedly broke, he made his move.
“So…” He lightly jammed into her shoulder with his. “What’s up?”
“What do you mean?”
His face said it all as he turned it down at her, brown eyes asking the pressing questions she knew the answers to. She rolled her eyes. Ricky Bowen knew her too well.
She took a deep breath, letting it out through her nose. “Just some home stuff. And some EJ stuff.” The cool penny between her fingers (and evidently Ricky ) were the only things keeping her tethered to the current space she was in. What she felt like doing was dissociating until further notice.
Ricky always made that hard for her. She didn’t mind.
“Ah.” He nodded, understandingly. “Which do you wanna talk about first?”
She gave him a confused look. “Who said I wanted to talk about it?”
“You have to talk about it! I gave you my penny , Gina!”
“Well you can have it back—”
“No! I want your thoughts and I want them now!” He smacked his fist against his crossed knee. She knew he was joking, but she also knew he wasn’t. Ricky would sit out here and listen to her thoughts until it was dark if she really wanted him to, something EJ could never—
No. She wouldn’t compare the two. One was her boyfriend, and the other was… well, Ricky. Calling him a friend didn’t feel personal enough and he felt like more than a best friend.
Maybe a soulmate might have been the right word (platonically of course) but that too could be misconstrued…
He was just… her Ricky.
“Okay, okay!” She laughed at his stupid incessant screaming, because she always laughed at his stupid incessant screaming. “Let’s talk about… Mom first.”
“Okay… Go ahead.”
Gina sighed, already regretting her decision to say anything at all. Of all the people in her life, she knew Ricky would understand the most— and that was the problem. She needed to learn to live without him. She was dating someone now. And Ricky and Nini were still together. She needed to learn to let him go, no matter how fervently her heart protested - beating wildly at how close Ricky was to her. It was the closest they’d been in a while.
She spilled her guts anyway.
“It’s just… it’s been hard. Living without mom. It feels like we’re slowly drifting apart, and I hate it,” Gina rested her cheek in her palm, looking out over the field, “Valentine’s Day is usually our day. She normally sends me a stuffed bear— it’s our tradition. She forgot.”
“Gi…” Ricky muttered, and she could see the concern coloring his big brown eyes in her periphery.
“It’s fine,” Gina tried to convince him, even though she knew it really wasn’t, “She’s crazy busy at the moment.”
“It’s not fine,” Ricky nudged his shoulder against hers again, and this time she finally looked up at him, at his slightly downturned lips, his furrowed brow, so familiar to her and yet so out of her reach, “I can tell you’re upset about this.”
Something about the way Ricky was looking at her was enough to let her throw the rest of her inhibitions to the wind, and she continued, “I told EJ about it, and all he did was take me out for a fancy dinner to make me feel better. But it didn’t make me feel better, because he didn’t even acknowledge what the problem was in the first place. I know he meant well, but I just— I needed someone to just listen and just—”
“Understand?” Ricky finished for her, his head tilting and the emotion in his eyes carefully concealed, “I get it. My mom was supposed to come visit last week, and she ditched me to go on a cruise with Todd. I felt like I wanted to break something. And Nini she’s so— she’s so understanding. She tried to get me to see mom’s perspective, to channel my energy into something productive. But I didn’t want to do that. I just wanted to-”
“Scream?”
This time it was Gina who finished the sentence, and they both looked at each other for maybe a beat longer than was necessary before breaking into soft chuckles.
“Yeah,” Ricky confirmed, bopping his head in a small nod before dropping his gaze to his lap.
Gina felt something bubble within her, that sense of familiarity permeating through her like a comfortable blanket wrapped around her shoulders. This was why she had been avoiding Ricky. They fell into their pattern too easily.
And yet, she couldn’t help but saying, “See, this is what I wanted from EJ. I just wanted him to be angry or sad with me. I guess you’ve always been the one to get my mom stuff the most.”
Ricky paused before answering, like he was searching for the right thing to say.
“Yeah, no, I think we do that for each other.”
Gina’s gaze whipped back to Ricky, who was now looking back up at her. A tense air built between them as they stared, Ricky’s Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, Gina’s lashes fluttering in the soft wind as she rapidly blinked.
It was too much.
She needed to find EJ.
She sprang to her feet, and Ricky’s gaze followed her, his head tilting back, refusing to break eye contact with her. He licked his lips. Gina ripped her gaze away from him.
“I need to get back to class,” Gina breathed out, suddenly feeling a chill in the air that wasn’t there before.
She almost walked away when his voice stopped her, like it was an anchor, quelling the wind in her sails, “Wait, Gina.”
“Yeah?”
“I miss you.”
Gina frowned, then kept walking.
She missed him too.
+
The rest of her day was rough. Not because of everything going on with EJ, or because of her mom, but because she missed Ricky.
She missed Ricky even when he was sitting right in front of her at lunch, with his arm around Nini and he was smiling (even though most times it didn’t hit his eyes the way it usually did, but maybe that was all in her head). She missed Ricky when she listened to him sing in practice and his voice just filled the room in this Ricky way that no one else could quite replicate.
But most of all, she missed him when she was with her boyfriend.
She went to find EJ after that weird, happy, awkward beat with Ricky. Gina hoped that seeing his face, his smile, would change something in her. That the Ricky light switch hardwired into her body would click off permanently. That she’d jump into EJ arms, and he’d hold her so close she couldn’t even think straight.
But she knew there was only one person who could make her feel like that, and for that she wished she actually did have a light switch.
“Are you okay?” EJ asked, searching her eyes, holding her shoulders.
“Mhm.” She mumbled, with what should be considered an award winning smile.
“You sure?” He asked, his hands sliding down her arms.
“Yes.” Part of her just wanted him to stop asking. Because she did feel better, but it had nothing to do with him, and now that was bothering her.
“Good.” He smiled, pressing a kiss to her forehead when the bell rang. “I have AP Calc right now, I’ll see you after school? In the drama room for rehearsal?”
“See you then.” She gave him a smile.
“Great. Bye Gi.” But that nickname just didn’t feel right coming from his lips. She wasn’t his Gi, but her heart sank at the fact that she wasn’t Ricky’s Gi either.
God. You have a boyfriend, what would even make you think that? Her brain reminded her as she journeyed down the hallway and away from EJ. Did she even answer him? Does he even care if she did? Who knows anymore.
She felt like ditching rehearsal. Maybe EJ really wouldn’t see her. She couldn’t handle seeing him and Ricky fighting over Nini. What did she have that was so worth fighting over? No offense to her, really but Gina meant what she said when she called Nini bland as an actress.
Gina hated the thought that she’d be a better Belle, because it made her feel like a bad person. But she still thought about it anyway—if the tightness of her chest and the increasing warmth of her skin didn’t stop her, nothing would.
Her heart pulsed hard as she stepped into the dance studio, opened up Spotify, and her finger pressed into Belle . She wanted to sing, and do the dance steps and prove how capable she was of Belle. Even if it was to no one in particular.
The dancer found herself getting really into it— not before long she was twirling around the studio and singing about how she wanted much more than this provincial life.
Gina hated how much she related to that—
Provincial. The definition that means limited in outlook: narrow. That’s exactly how she felt about Salt Lake at this moment and she’s never itched to leave a place so quickly.
If she was too on top of her goals, wanting to be in the spotlight on stage, the lead— she was too ambitious for her own good and a mean monster.
But she just wasn’t happy letting everyone else take the lead. It wasn’t in her nature . It wasn’t the blood that pumped through her veins— What was wrong with Gina wanting to be the star again?
She promised herself she wouldn’t go about it in a malicious way anymore, so what excuses did they have now? Were they— Were they just threatened by her? Scared that—
“Hey Gina? Oh— I’m sorry, am I interrupting?” Ricky walked fully in, but when he caught her in the middle of an aerial he pulled back and held onto the door.
When she finished the step she replied, “Yeah just a tad,” with a small laugh.
“I’m sorry…” He mumbled, although he didn’t leave the room. His hand was still clutching tightly onto the doorknob, like he really didn’t wanna leave until he said what he had to say.
“Do you wanna… Come in?” Gina asked. She knew him; he wasn’t going to leave when he looked like he had something he desperately wanted to say. It was better to have him fully in the studio than give up where she was to everyone passing by— where they both were.
“Um…” He looked back over his shoulder before turning back and replying, “Yes I’d love to.” Before stepping in and closing the door behind himself.
“Okay.” She smiled, stopping the music when it started to play Belle Reprise.
“From the little bit I saw you looked really good.” When she met his eyes he added, “I mean— the choreography— It looks really good— not to say that you don’t look amazing it’s just—”
Gina cut him off by deeply laughing, “Damn Bowen, can you do any more stuttering? You’d think I was a girl you had a crush on or something.” She laughed again, holding her stomach.
“Yeah.” He laughed along awkwardly. “You would think that… But it’s not true, obviously.” He continued.
Gina looked up to meet his eyes. “Obviously. Just like I don’t have a crush on you.” She shrugged. “Isn’t that very obvious?” She gave him a narrow eyed look.
“Yeah. Yeah duh.” He spoke, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“Let’s dance.”
“What?”
“Let’s dance.” She said again, a little quieter, and a little more confident as she held out her hand. “I can start teaching you the steps to Beauty and Beast. That way you’ll have the upper hand. Miss Jenn will be impressed you’re getting the steps so fast—”
“I’ll get to be so close to you.” As it left his mouth Gina’s breath hitched.
“Yeah…” She mumbled with a smile on her face. “So… Do you wanna dance?”
He whispered, “I’d love to.”
Gina smiled, changing the music. “Okay so when you guys come down the stairs, you’re kind of just admiring each other at first. Because she just came out in a beautiful dress, and you look all… well groomed.” At this Ricky chuckles. “Be serious!” Gina exclaimed, slapping his chest.
“Okay, okay, I am!” He pulled her close, grabbing her waist. She was flush against his chest as the music played beautiful chords behind them.
The path his hands had taken along her waist and back was creating a line of fire on her, and as his hands rested, keeping her firmly against him she blushed, taking one hand off her back.
“One hand in mine, one hand on my back.” She whispered.
“Got it. I’ll remember that for next time.” He whispered back, slipping his hand into hers.
Somehow she had just blurted this out— “I didn’t expect your hands to be a little callused.” As she started to lead him into the steps.
He giggled. “What does that mean?”
“I don’t know… I expected you to have baby soft hands I guess… EJ does.”
“Oh… Are my calluses… Bad? Do you not like them?” He asked, although he didn’t seem very phased.
“No. I like that your hands are a little rough. Shows character. Shows you’re not afraid to work if you have to.” She replied.
“What does that say about EJ then?” He asked with a chuckle.
“That he’s never worked a day in his life. Even my hands are more rough than his.” She caught herself a little as she realized she was bad-talking her boyfriend to her crush. “He has his own strong suits though.”
“I’m sure he does.” Ricky added, unconvincingly.
“So um… You’ve been doing pretty well, all things considered, but there’s one problem.”
“And what’s that?”
“I’m leading.”
“What’s wrong with that? I believe in women’s rights.”
“Shut up!” She chuckled, flicking his neck gently.
“Oh my God? Gina Porter not a feminist? What’s going on in the world—”
She slapped his chest before speaking again, “The problem is, that’s not how dance is designed, and it’s gonna cause problems later down into the choreography if Belle is leading the dance. Plus, I don’t think Nini will ever be able to do what I can do for you, at least not the way I can… In the dance of course.”
“… Right.”
“Right. So I have to teach you how to lead this dance then.”
“Okay,” Ricky stepped forward, lacing both his arms around her waist again and pulling her against his chest. “Teach away, Gi.”
God, she hated how good Gi sounded coming from his lips— she hated even more how right it sounded.
“Ricky… your hands… Remember what I told you earlier?...” She mumbled as she laced her arms around his shoulders.
“What about them?…” He mumbled as they inched closer to each other, no more than a breath apart until—
He pulled away. He pulled away from her and the warmth was gone from right in front of her mouth.
“I got to go.” He shot away with something new in his eyes, and her back felt cold all of a sudden without his warm hand pressed against it.
“Okay.”
“I’ll text you?”
“Mhm.” She didn’t even turn around to look as he walked out the dance studio. It would’ve hurt way too much to watch him scramble away.
+
The events of the day were still rearing around in Ricky’s mind, and he could only hope that it wasn’t too noticeable. He felt like he was jumping at every thought or mention of the dancer, and he was willing his mind to just stop it.
Ricky now clutched onto Nini’s hand as they entered the rehearsal room, willing his thoughts to quieten a little and focus on the girl beside him– his girlfriend. She was talking about mannerisms she had picked up for Belle after watching the film again, and how she wanted to incorporate them into her performance, but all Ricky could think about was how effortless Gina made it seem when he had interrupted her dance practice earlier.
No one can do it like her , a small voice betrayed his true feelings, and he willed himself to squash it down. Willed himself to be a good boyfriend, and to listen to Nini while she talked.
He loved Nini. He did. He would prove it by being attentive to her, by giving her the attention she deserved and by shoving any thought of Gina that wanted to crawl its way out from deep into the crevices of his mind.
“Ricky, did you hear me?” Nini asked, a concerned and slightly uncomfortable look on her face as she flexed her fingers beneath Ricky’s grip, his hold having tightened in the midst of his thoughts.
Looks like he already had failed at the attentiveness thing.
“Sorry, Nini,” Ricky apologized, loosening his hold on her, “Repeat that?”
Nini smiled, seemingly unconcerned by Ricky’s frazzled thoughts, and said, “I just said it’ll be nice for us to act as the two leads again. I thought it’d never happen again before I came back from YAC.”
Ricky thought about how much Gina deserved the lead. How hard he knew she had worked for it. He smiled at Nini, and only said, “Yeah.”
Miss Jenn sauntered into the rehearsal room at that moment, Carlos hot on her heels, and ushered everyone to huddle closer, yelling out, “Alright, everybody get in a circle! I have an exercise for us to do– something I want you to work on the coming weeks in your own time.”
Nini beamed at Ricky and pulled him over to the forming circle. They sat crossed legged side by side, having let go of each other’s hands to get comfortable on the floor. Ricky adjusted himself slightly, wincing at the cold surface of the floor, before he finally lifted his gaze, and like she was a magnet, her presence pulling his gaze to her, Ricky immediately locked eyes on Gina who was sitting across the room.
Ricky’s stomach lurched at the sight of her, at the reemergence of all the guilt he was feeling, as he thought about how much he had wanted to kiss her earlier that day when he had his hands on her waist, swaying her around the practice room.
And there it was. The crux of the sickening feelings that were pooling within him. He loved Nini. He did. But, he had to admit to himself, staring at Gina from across the room, he had a massive crush on Gina.
Ricky was sure this wasn’t something new. In fact, if he really thought hard about it – something he didn’t often allow himself to do – he could admit that these feelings had emerged long before he had gotten back together with Nini.
There was something about Gina, about how she listened to him with her full self, eyes trained on him, body turned toward him, understanding on her slightly smiling lips. There was something about Gina, about how she could understand the pain he felt when he talked about his problems with his mom, or how she talked him through his insecurities on stage.
There was just something about Gina– and the guilt of it was eating him alive.
Miss Jenn had started prattling on about a few housekeeping reminders, mainly directed at the stage crew, so he allowed himself to tune out. He tried to remind himself about what it was he loved about Nini.
She was familiar. She reminded him of his happy childhood. She…
Ricky’s mind pulled up short. Feeling the shame within him flare up even more at his stunted thoughts, Ricky tore his gaze away from Gina and focused on Nini instead. She was listening attentively to whatever it was Miss Jenn was saying, fiddling with the fluffy keychain hanging from her backpack’s zipper.
Ricky pulled her hand toward him, pressed a quick kiss to her fingers. Nini startled a little, turning toward him with a curious expression on her face, a confused smile on her mouth. She furrowed her brows a little in question, and in answer Ricky leaned forward to smack a kiss on her cheek.
“Hi,” he whispered, keeping her in his vision, trying to block out all other thoughts.
Nini playfully put a hand to his cheek and pushed his face back to look at Miss Jenn, whispering, “Pay attention, Beast.”
It was the wrong move on Nini’s part, because as soon as Ricky turned forward again the first place he looked was where Gina was. To his mild surprise, Gina was already looking at him, expression closed and demeanor stormy. He didn’t know what to make of it, but he was sure he looked much the same when she leaned sideways and wrapped her arms around EJ’s bicep – when did he get there? – pressing a kiss to his shoulder.
Something ugly bubbled up in his gut, acidic and foul, and he tried his best to tamp down on it, because he knew he had no right whatsoever to feel jealous. Gina had every right to snuggle up to her boyfriend.
The thought alone sent a wave of nausea through him, and like he was trying to punish himself, he just kept watching as Gina rubbed her hands up and down EJ’s arm in a soothing motion, feeling that demanding throb of envy spread through him.
He wanted that to be him. What did EJ have that he didn’t?
First of all, he doesn’t already have a girlfriend , Ricky’s mind reminded him, and he immediately deflated. Didn’t he just promise himself that he would be a better boyfriend? Why on earth would he be jealous of EJ?
But, he still couldn’t tear his eyes away from him and Gina. That is, until she looked back his way, and he had never looked away from someone faster in his life. His eyes sprung from Miss Jenn, to the floor, back to Nini.
Nini. Think about Nini.
He nudged his chin against her, resting it on her shoulder, waited for her to turn back to him, and did the only thing he could think of that might distract his thoughts.
Kissing Nini in front of the entire drama club probably wasn’t his smartest idea – but he needed to do something to take his mind off Gina. And it was great. Nini immediately melted into him, and it felt good and nice and he thought about chocolate brown eyes and soft smiles and thick black curls and pink lip gloss and oh God, he was thinking about Gina again.
“Ricky! Nini!”
Ricky sprung apart from Nini, gasping for air, his shame leaving him breathless – not because he was caught, but because he couldn’t stop thinking about another girl. He was a terrible person.
He quickly looked at Gina, whose body language was rigid and whose brows were furrowed harshly, before he glanced at Miss Jenn.
Her exasperated expression caused him to flush in embarrassment, and she spoke in that shrilly disappointed manner when she said, “As much as I appreciate that your relationship can increase your chemistry as actors, I ask that you consider making out as one of those activities we do not take part in on school grounds.”
Nini, her own blush on her cheeks, mumbled an apology before hiding her face in Ricky’s shoulder. Ricky swallowed, and could barely choke down his saliva, his throat seemingly closing in on him in his panic.
Why couldn’t he stop thinking about Gina? He had just kissed his girlfriend, and he had imagined that she was Gina.
His entire body burst into flames at the thought of kissing Gina, and he scratched at his eyebrow, begging his thoughts to go away or to at least quieten down and give him some respite.
“Now, the project I was hinting at earlier is as follows,” Miss Jenn clapped her hands together, “I appreciate that we have so much talent in our drama club. Some of you only missed out on lead roles by the slightest of margins. So, because of this, I want to use your immense talent to the fullest.”
Ricky was confused to be frank, but he always was where Miss Jenn was involved. She continued to explain herself out of the vagueness.
“EJ and Gina, our understudies for Beast and Belle, I want you to swap partners for a month,” Miss Jenn bounced on the balls of her feet, explaining away her madness, “Meaning any time Nini wants to rehearse outside of drama club hours, it has to be with EJ and not Ricky. And same goes for you Ricky – any scenes normally played with Nini, I want you to rehearse with Gina. This will push you all as actors, as well as ensure EJ and Gina are comfortable with their roles in case a repeat of High School Musical happens to occur… It’s brilliant!”
Ricky’s mind screamed to a halt, hardly believing what he was hearing. After the emotional turmoil he had put himself through all day– promising himself he would stop thinking about Gina, pulling away from Gina during her practice and distancing himself from her– Miss Jenn was forcing him to spend even more time with her.
The universe was quite literally working against him.
He turned his attention back to Gina, and she looked just as shocked as he felt. Her grip on EJ’s arm had slackened, and he swore her eyes looked slightly panicked at the revelation.
Ricky clenched his fists over the script resting in his lap. This was going to end disastrously.