Chapter Text
It had been two months since Beatrice lost Ava. It was one month since she’d left the OCS, heading back to that little town in the Alps, in search of the last place she’d called home.
Beatrice had stayed in the same apartment, worked the same job, lived the same life that she had before. She’d remembered the calm of those days, the steady routine, and the way she’d felt safe, despite the horror of the world she’d left behind.
But in the end, she’d left after only one week. Because, as she should have realised, that place was only home because of the person she’d shared it with. And without Ava by her side in the mornings, without Ava smiling at her from behind the bar, without Ava holding her hand as they walked down the street, Beatrice felt more lost than ever.
So, she travelled, trying to find a place that she could call her own. A place where she could start living the life that Ava had sacrificed herself for. Beatrice settled in another small town, somewhere in Germany. She already spoke the language, so it was an easy adjustment. There was another apartment, much like the last, but this one didn’t have memories of Ava hiding in every corner.
Beatrice found a job at a bookstore, and it was nice. She learnt the names of the regulars, and what genres they leaned towards. She sorted everything into its categories, and enjoyed the peace and quiet for the most past.
Even in a place Ava had never been, she still managed to find Beatrice. It wasn’t really a surprise; Beatrice had assumed already that she’d never be able to leave the ghost of Ava behind. She’d always be sitting by the window, holding a cup of tea so gently in her hands as Beatrice tried to drink her own. For every book that remained just a book, there would be one that Ava would have loved as well. Every night that Beatrice slept, there’d be a moment where she forgot, a moment where she reached out to touch the girl she loved.
Ava had told her that they’d see each other in the next life. Beatrice had already known then that she’d remain in every corner of this one until it ended.
Which was why when she opened her door one night, coming home from a late shift, she shouldn’t have been surprised to find Ava.
But she was. So surprised that she didn’t believe her eyes, that she reached for the knife she kept on herself at all times, in case of an attack. She held it out in front of her, waiting for her eyes to adjust, waiting for this vision of Ava to distort.
It didn’t. Ava kept standing there.
Beatrice could dismiss it as a hallucination, just another cruel trick of her mind, except that Ava didn’t look how Beatrice would have imagined.
She looked taller, older. Her hair was just a touch longer, and there were scars on her hands and face that Beatrice didn’t recognise. The clothes she wore were unfamiliar, a black shirt and pants. And then of course, there was the fact that she was covered in blood.
When all of this registered, there was only one thing she could do. Beatrice dropped the knife and ran to Ava.
“Ava!” She reached for her, needing to feel her skin beneath her fingers, terrified that she’d fade into smoke. Her fingers came within grasping distance, but then Ava moved. She didn’t disappear, she just flinched back.
Beatrice stopped, feet stumbling on the ground. She felt so uncoordinated, so out of control. For someone trained to always be perfect, it was unsettling.
Ava looked up at her, her brown eyes catching the light. She was just as beautiful as Beatrice remembered, more so even. But there was something wrong.
Even in their first meeting, when Beatrice had told Ava that none of it mattered when you realised that not everything was about you, Ava had looked at Beatrice like she was the stars. Like she was something precious, something that you’d be awed by, no matter how many times you saw it. Like Beatrice was something that Ava would always dream of holding close, even if it burned her.
Right now, though, Ava wasn’t looking at her like that. She was looking at her the way someone might look at a natural disaster; with confusion and fear. Beatrice stepped back, something in her blood icing over.
Ava blinked at her, and then offered a half smile, lifting her hands up. They were stained with blood too, flecking all the way down to her wrists, and then travelling to the sleeves.
“Hey, um, I’m really really sorry about this, but I have no idea what’s going on, like seriously, zero memories of anything, and I just woke up here, and I might be going insane, but something tells me that this is where I’m supposed to be.”
Beatrice had dreamt of Ava’s return many times. She imagined Ava knocking on her door, walking in with a smile, imagined kissing her and dragging her into the apartment without wasting a second, because she’d wasted too many already. She’d thought of Ava walking into the bookstore with an easy grin, making a teasing remark, and the way she’d pull her into a hug without a second thought of what others thought.
Sometimes, in the dark of night, she’d imagined less favourable outcomes. Ava coming back to her old and withered, in the last days of her life. Ava coming back as an angelic warrior who’d ended up on the other side of whatever holy war was coming. Ava turning up on Beatrice’s doorstep, dead.
Never, not in a wildest dream or a deepest nightmare could she have imagined this.
Beatrice didn’t realise that she was shaking until her legs gave out under her, and her knees hit the floor. She gasped for air, and found a sob choking her.
“Woah, hey, are you okay?”
Ava dropped down in front of Beatrice, reaching out to steady her shoulder. Beatrice bowed her head, sobbing, hands reaching out to grab onto Ava, because she was the only person who’d ever acted as an anchor for Beatrice’s heart.
And Ava, who didn’t even remember her, Ava, who knew nothing except that she was supposed to be here, held onto Beatrice as well, wrapping her arms around her.
“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Ava murmured. Beatrice shook her head, but couldn’t find any words.
Ava was here. But Ava didn’t know Beatrice. Ava didn’t remember that she’d promised to meet Beatrice in the next life, she didn’t remember the bar in the Alps, didn’t remember the night they’d danced.
Beatrice was in the arms of the woman she loved, and she was alone.
Finally, Beatrice found the strength to push herself away and up to her feet. She needed to not let her emotions rule her right now. This Ava didn’t know her, and it shouldn’t be on her to comfort Beatrice. She was probably lost and scared. Beatrice needed to help her.
She turned back, wiping the last of her tears away with the back of her hand.
“Tell me what happened?”
Ava frowned, the same little crinkle appearing above her eyebrows as it always did.
“Um, do you want to talk what just happened? Because I might not know you, but that seemed, I don’t know, intense?”
Beatrice pushed forwards.
“Do you remember anything? Do you know how the blood ended up on you? Are there any possessions that you have that might shed some light on your condition?”
Ava blinked, and then looked back at her hands.
“Well, uh, I woke up here, like literally on the floor, covered in blood. It was dry, don’t worry, I didn’t get any on your tiles.” She gestured behind her vaguely. “I freaked out a little, but then I looked and I saw this.”
Ava pointed across the room to a necklace sitting on one of the cupboards. It was Ava’s necklace, one that Beatrice had bought her for about ten dollars at a thrift store. Ava had noted once when they were looking through the stores. They hadn’t bought it at the time, because Beatrice had insisted that they only needed essentials. When she’d finally bought it for Ava, it was as reward for doing so exceptional at trainings. Ava had pretty much refused to take it off ever since that moment.
It was one of the few things that she’d left behind.
Apart from the letter, of course.
“I don’t know, I looked at that, and something in me clicked? Like, I calmed down, as if my body knew I was safe here. So, I had a little look around, trying to see if there was anything else I recognised, but nothing jumped out at me. And then I checked my pockets, and I found this.” From the pocket of the pants she was wearing, Ava pulled out a crumpled letter.
She looked at the letter, and then back at Beatrice.
“It says, ‘To Bea’.”
Beatrice had to hold back another sob.
“Is that you?” Ava asked, tilting her head.
Beatrice nodded and stepped forwards. “My name is Beatrice. You called me Bea.” Her voice faltered. Since Ava had left, no one had called her that.
Ava nodded slowly and held the letter out. Beatrice took it, and looked it over. The writing on the outside was unmistakably Ava’s.
She looked back up. As much as she wanted to read the letter, and hopefully find something there, she needed to take care of the very real Ava Silva in her living room.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll want to get cleaned up.” She cast another glance over the blood, the way it was simply everywhere, and deduced that some of it had to be Ava’s. Most of it though, was likely someone else’s.
Ava looked back at her hands, and nodded. “Yeah, it feels really weird being covered in blood and having no idea what happened. It’s sort of like being born, except I’m big, and I’m not naked and—” Ava cut herself off. “Well, you get the point.”
Beatrice nodded, barely able to hide a smile. If she hadn’t been sure that this was Ava, and not just some weird doppelgänger, that adorable ramble had proved it to her.
“I have a shower just around here. I can also get you some clothes.” Beatrice had packed up all of Ava’s clothes from the Alps, and put them in a separate drawer. It may have been foolish to hope, but Beatrice hadn’t been able to stop herself.
“Well, I think I remember how a shower works. And how to like, undress myself.” Ava nodded, and grinned. Beatrice just led her over to the drawers, and pulled out some of Ava’s old clothes.
“Here.”
Ava beamed and nodded as she looked at the clothes. “Thanks.” And then she disappeared behind the bathroom door, locking it with a soft click.
It took everything in Beatrice to not crumple like a sand castle washed away by waves the moment Ava left her sight. She still couldn’t believe that this was happening, still didn’t know what any of this meant.
But there was one way to find out.
Beatrice uncrumpled the letter, and unfolded it. Her last experience with reading a letter Ava had left for her had been less than joyful.
It had been a few days after Ava had gone, and Beatrice had been packing up her room at Jillian’s. Half under the bed, there was a piece of paper, words scrawled on it. Beatrice had picked it up, desperate for any words that Ava could give her.
All that the letter had said was ‘Dear Beatrice’. Ava had never finished it.
Beatrice had broken down crying with the realisation that she truly would never get to hear from Ava again. There was no secret, no trick, no second plan that she’d been unaware of this time. Just a broken Arc, a broken family, and an unwritten letter.
This letter had much more on it. Beatrice read it over once, and then again, her tears finally falling on the third reread.
Dear Bea
I don’t have much time to write this. I think Reya might have figured out what I’m doing, and if that’s true, then I’m going to need your help for this next part.
I’m sorry Bea. I know I told you to let me go, but I need you to take me back this time.
If you’re reading this, you probably just found me. Except I don’t remember who you are. I’m sorry, I know it must have hurt. I can’t tell you much, because I don’t want this letter falling into the wrong hands, but what I can tell you is that I’m still in there. You’re just going to need to work a little to get me out.
It’s a lot to ask. I don’t know how long has passed for you down there, but I hope you’ve been living your life like you always wanted to. I’m sorry to ask you to come back into this mess. I’m even sorrier because I know you’ll do it.
I hope I get to see you soon. I hope I’ll get the chance to explain as myself. But mostly, I just want to see you again. It’s been a long five years without you Bea. I’ve missed my best friend.
In this life,
Ava
Beatrice took a deep breath, and dropped to the couch, still clutching the letter gently in her hands. She went over the new information swimming in her head, trying to force it into order. Ava was back. It had been five years for her on the other side. Beatrice’s Ava was still in there. Ava had missed her. Ava needed her.
Beatrice had known what she was doing when she left. She knew that a normal life would not last, that when the holy war Lilith had prophesised came to them, she’d be on the front lines. If there was one thing she could’ve asked, it would be that Ava came back to her side. And now she had that chance.
She turned to look at the bathroom door that Ava had disappeared behind. There was no question about what Beatrice was going to do next. She was going to take care of Ava, and slowly bring her back into the world she’d once been thrown so rudely into. She’d do her best to bring back the old Ava, but would make sure that the new Ava was cared for as well. It didn’t matter what version of Ava this was, Beatrice would love her all the same.
There was likely a long road ahead of them, but Beatrice was willing to walk it with the promise of Ava meeting her somewhere along the way.