Pink Matter

by retiredficwriter

Summary:

At a game of White Elephant, Sydney wins an embarrassing gift. A heated talk with Adrian and a sleepless night lead her to put this gift into use.

Notes:

This takes place during Indigo Spell before Sydney goes to St. Louis.

Title is taken from a Frank Ocean song of the same name.

*DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the Bloodlines or/and Vampire Academy characters.*

In my short span posing as a high school student, I provided a handful of, as Jill often said, “second-hand embarrassment” moments.

At first, I thought she was exaggerating. Sure, I was homeschooled and trained on how to behave among vampires instead of humans. But I committed myself to catch-up on basic socializing while undercover at Amberwood Prep. Considering that I became friends with some ordinary humans and they still hang out with me, I thought I was doing a good job so far.

That is until Julia - one of the said friends - mentioned the White Elephant our dorm floor was planning before Christmas break.

“I thought they were only in Southeast Asian countries. And they are not white – it’s more of a pink color,” I said.

She blinked. “No, the holiday game.”

I didn’t react.

Julia turned to face Jill and Angeline, a silent question in her eyes. It was lunchtime, with today being one of the rare occasions when Eddie wasn’t with us.

“We never heard that back home. What is it?” Jill asked, but I could tell from her tone that she had. In all the weeks that we’d been posing as sisters, she had gotten used to pretending to be as sheltered as I was. While I was grateful that our cover story stayed intact, I couldn't help but feel bad that Jill acted like that to save me from self-humiliation.

“Everyone buys something random and we pile it up together. One person chooses a gift and opens it. Then, the next person can either pick something new or steal the one that was opened. And it goes like this until everyone is happy with what they got. The catch is that you don’t know who bought what.”

Jill smiled. “Sounds fun!”

“Sounds competitive,” Angeline said, a glint of curiosity in her eyes.

Julia shrugged. “It can get competitive. Especially if there is a gift everyone wants.”

Angeline grinned. If I learned anything from my last visit to the Keepers was that a lot of their customs involved proving yourself to be the best by any means necessary. No doubt she wouldn’t pass the opportunity to demonstrate that while at Amberwood. I made a mental note to remind her to not resort to physical violence at the event.

“How about you, Syd?” Julia asked, turning to me. “Are you in?”

I wouldn’t lie - this White Elephant thing made me intrigued. My family exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve, but it was more of a tradition than a game. Plus, my mom and sisters knew what I wanted. The way Julia explained the game made it seem like everything was based on luck. The uncertainty of getting something I wanted and not having it taken away was scary but also exciting.

A few weeks later, I sat in a circle with fifteen other girls. We got permission from Ms. Weathers to use the study room in our dorm under the premise that we had a group project. The chairs were moved so everyone could face the pile of wrapped gifts in the middle of the room. We sat in order of who would go first. I was the last in line, while Angeline and Jill sat in the middle.

Julia laid out the rest of the rules: each gift could only be swapped three times and we couldn’t swap back a gift, even if someone else stole it from us. We were also not allowed to choose the item that we bought for the game. While it made sense, I couldn’t hide my disappointment over not picking up the planner hidden in blue paper wrap.

Once we all agreed on it, Kristin walked to the pile and made her selection.

As it went on, I understood what Julia had said about competitiveness. A girl named Serena opened a make-up set that quickly ended up in Bree’s arms in the third swap. It drew on me how much White Elephant relied on strategy, and I was beginning to get more invested than I expected to.

When it was my turn, I decided to get rid of what was left and hope for the best. Besides, none of the open presents piqued my interest enough to steal. I picked up a box covered with red paper wrap. I tore it off, revealing a coffee mug warmer. A wave of relief hit me and I smiled. Maybe this game wasn’t so bad after all…

“Sorry, Sydney,” said a voice behind me. I turned and saw a girl whose name was Carina. “But I’m going to steal this from you.”

Suddenly, my coffee mug warmer was replaced by a jade roller set. I suppressed a groan. I wasn’t someone obsessed with skincare routine.

“Now you can either open the last present or steal from someone else,” Kristin explained, her new silk eye mask on her forehead. “If no one steals it from you, the game is over.”

I sighed as I weighed my options. “I will get the last one.”

While I grabbed the last gift, I heard what sounded like a chuckle. I shrugged it off and unwrapped the present. Jill and the other girls leaned forward with curiosity.

I gasped when I saw what was on the cover of the box. It was a vibrator. A black wand vibrator.

I felt my cheeks burn. A few giggles filled out the room, while others covered their mouths in disbelief.

This can’t be happening.

“Uh,” Julia finally said, breaking the silence. “Does anyone want to steal Sydney’s gift?”

No one moved. I didn’t blame them – had the roles have been reversed, I would have done the same. I had nothing against sex toys and whether someone owned them or not. But I wasn’t the type to stand in front of everyone and admit wanting one, even to help someone else.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Jill glancing at me. I understood right away – she was about to steal the vibrator from me. As much as I wanted to get rid of it, I couldn't let Jill save me like this. She was only fifteen and was going to be the talk of the school for getting a sex toy.

I shook my head, holding my gaze at her. Jill looked at me with confusion but nodded.

“Okay… Is everyone happy with what they got?” Kristin asked. I knew she wanted to change things in my favor, her efforts would be pointless. The gifts I considered stealing reached the three-limit rule. Plus, I wasn't going to pick a random one for the sake of getting a better outcome.

Unsurprisingly, everyone nodded.

“Game is over, then. Thank you, everyone!” Julia replied. “We need to do this again next year!”

Definitely, I thought bitterly.

~~~~~~

“How was the White Elephant?” Adrian asked as I put the pizza box on the dinner table. A few days passed and we were all in Clarence’s house for Jill’s feeding.

With so much going on, I forgot about the game. The simple mention of it made me sit more rigidly.

“It was so cool!” Jill answered while grabbing a slice. “I got a waffle maker. You can have it, though. Amberwood doesn’t allow us to have it in our dorm.”

“Jailbait, only you to get me an early Christmas gift. Did my suggestion help you?”

“Yes, weirdly enough. Never would have thought of buying a jar of pickles as a gift.”

“That was you?!” Angeline exclaimed. Jill nodded her head hesitantly. “I loved it. I’m almost done with it.”

Adrian gave a “See?” look at Jill as he drank his soda.

“How about you Sydney?” Eddie turned towards me. “What did you get?”

I looked at my lap. This was something I was dreading to do and I had not had the time to plan on a lie.

“Uh, nothing much-”

“Nothing much?” Angeline scoffed. “I think a vibrator is more than ‘nothing much’.”

Coughing sounds made me lift my head. Adrian was beating his chest with one of his hands while holding the soda with the other. I shot an angry look at Angeline.

“You got a vibrator for White Elephant?” asked Eddie, incredulously. “You’re joking, right?”

I felt as if the oxygen in the room decreased. It was one thing for Jill and Angeline to know about the gift. Eddie knowing about it was too embarrassing. Our time pretending to be twins made us close friends, and this talk with him was too uncomfortable for me to handle. He often told me to let him deal with his problems, and the same could be applied to what I was facing now.

Adrian, on the other hand, was a whole different story. Our relationship-I mean, friendship- was complicated, to say the least. He stopped coughing, his emerald eyes watching me intensively. I didn’t know if that should make me feel better or not.

“It’s true,” I replied, defeated. “I was the last one to pick. My first choice was stolen, and my second one turned out to be… that. No one wanted to steal it from me. But I already threw it away.” I quickly added. “I’d never have expected that to happen.”

“No kidding.” Eddie shrugged. “But that’s White Elephant for you.”

“Maybe we can have our own White Elephant,” Jill suggested, her eyes glistening. “It will be so much fun! We all know what we like, so the gifts will be much better…”

I let Jill ramble, relieved the attention wasn’t on me anymore. I took a bite off my pizza slice and Adrian lowered his gaze when my eyes met his.

After we ate and talked more, Jill begged for a quick self-defense training before we went back to school. The sun was beginning to set, so she wouldn’t face the same problem as she did during P.E. Eddie agreed, amused at her determination. They went to the backyard with Angeline trailing behind.

Dorothy, Clarence’s feeder, was grabbing the dishes when I offered to do it myself. She smiled and left. While I enjoyed watching Eddie train the girls, I wasn’t in the mood for it today. It reminded me too much of my ongoing training with Ms. Terwilliger, especially with the threat of her sister looming over me.

I took the dishes and washed them one by one. I was almost done when I felt a presence on my side. I didn’t have to look to guess who it was.

“So,” Adrian said. “I guess I have to change my Christmas gift to you.”

I didn’t dare to answer, focusing on my task instead. He is baiting you into talking to him about the White Elephant. Just ignore him-

“It’s hard to compete with a vibrator. In every sense.”

I put the plate that I was washing in the sink and turned to face him.

“You can buy whatever you were going to,” I said. “I told you; I threw it away.”

He pouted. “That’s a shame. It made sense for you to get one.”

“What would I do with it?”

“You see Sage, when you put it in the right spot…”

“I know how sex toys work, Adrian,” the words slipped out before I could stop them.

“Really?” he smirked. “I didn’t think this would be allowed in your Alchemist curriculum.”

Adrian had a point. This wasn’t popular knowledge among the Alchemists. We had sex ed lessons, but it was taught in the premise to only be consummated after marriage. And with our beliefs to lead a pure and sinful life, everything was based on the reproductive side. It wasn’t until I hung out with Julia and Kristin that I learned about the pleasure aspect. They made sure to explain everything they knew - from flirting, making out, and sex - so I could be “prepared” for when I was ready to share that with someone.

I appreciated their concern, but I told them that sex was the last of my priorities. While I was making sure Jill was safe, I couldn’t let myself fantasize about such thoughts. Especially when they involved artists with messy brown hair and green eyes.

“I still don’t understand why you thought I would accept a sex toy as a gift,” I added.

“It would keep your mind off things. Let out some frustrations you’ve been having.”

“Adrian!” I looked around to make sure we were still by ourselves. “I can’t believe-did you really think I would, um-”

“What? Many people masturbate to help with stress. Between Jackie’s crazy sister and Marcus’s Merry Men, you are going through a lot lately. Based on all these facts, it’s the most obvious explanation,” his smile was filled with pride at his Alchemist joke.

Oh. So he wasn’t referring to-

My face flushed instantly. Maybe Adrian was right – I always tried to find subtext in everything he said.

Adrian frowned as he studied my silence. Then, his eyes widened as realization hit him. I waited for him to make one of his witty comments, say anything to end the awkwardness between us.

Instead, a muscle twitched in his jaw and his breathing became heavy.

I should’ve put an end to this conversation right there. I should’ve changed the subject and walked away. I knew if I stayed any longer, something would happen between us. But as his gaze traveled through my body and rested on my face, I stayed put.

He took a step towards me, a cautiousness in his movement. “But then, I shouldn’t be surprised if you wanted a vibrator because of sexual frustrations.”

Goosebumps spread over my body. “You’re delusional,” I managed to say. “to think, to even consider-”

“There is nothing wrong with that, you know? It’s completely normal for people our age to have unresolved sexual tensions,” Adrian stepped closer. I couldn’t help but notice the emphasis on the word “our”. “Besides, you can just focus on the feeling it brings you. You don’t need to think of anyone while touching yourself,” his voice was low and husky. “Unless you want to.”

I closed my eyes, hoping it would help my heart stop racing. This was a level of intimacy that we shouldn’t, couldn’t have. That small Alchemist voice in my head warned me that I was committing one of the biggest sins – talking about sex with none other than a Moroi. It was immoral, even though the air around us was too thick and intoxicating.

“You have no idea what I want,” I whispered.

“Then tell me. What is it, Sydney?”

I gasped as I felt his breath just a few inches away from my lips. If I moved just a bit forward…

The sound of laughter coming from outside led my eyes to fly open, the spell broken. Adrian put a distance between us and I brushed away the disappointment that was rising within me. As voices became louder and closer, it wasn’t hard to guess that Jill, Eddie, and Angeline had finished their practice.

I cleared my throat, heading to the living room. “I should get going.”

“Is it still okay if I check on you tonight?”

I stopped mid-step and turned to face him. Adrian had been visiting me through spirit dreams ever since Veronica reached me in my sleep. I was still uneasy about his extreme use of Spirit and how it affected him and Jill. But watching his concern vanish in those dreams reminded me that it was a risk he was willing to take for me.

“Sure,” I replied.

His face lit up and I couldn’t help but feel a warmth in my chest. It always amazed me how happy he was any time I agreed for us to spend time together.

The back door opened and the trio entered the kitchen, faces filled with sweat. On instinct, my face relaxed into my usual Alchemist expression.

“We are ready to go,” Eddie announced.

Adrian nodded and turned back to me. “See you later, Sage.”

We ended up leaving minutes later, only after Angeline pointed out the dirty plates that I had left in the sink.

~~~~~~

I always prided myself on falling asleep despite a large amount of coffee I drank throughout the day. Tonight, however, the opposite seemed to be happening.

A groan escaped my mouth as I stared at the ceiling of my bedroom. After twisting and turning in my bed to no avail, I tried other activities to make my mind tired. I was ahead with my homework, read more chapters of Ms. Terwilliger’s spell book, and even listened to some classical music. To my disappointment, I remained awake.

The clock by my nightstand read one a.m. I got up and looked through my pile of books, hoping to find something I hadn’t read.

Amid my search, the box with the sex toy appeared.

I meant to trash it the same night as White Elephant happened. But out of fear of being caught, I had it hidden until I could find the perfect opportunity. I put the task off each day, one of my rare moments of procrastination.

I opened the box and removed the black vibrator. It could easily be mistaken as a massage gun. As I studied it, Adrian’s comment about vibrators helping with stress came to mind. Sure, a lot of things have been happening lately – but was stress the reason why I was awake? And if so, could this…

No, that was ludicrous. I shouldn’t resort to this alternative. I suddenly felt as if I was being watched and almost shoved the phallic object back into the box. I took a deep breath. It’s just you in this bedroom; the Alchemists don’t have cameras in here. There are other options to help a bad night of sleep. I just needed to find one that worked.

And yet, the scientist in me told me to use the toy. Maybe all I needed was some endorphins. Certainly, it wouldn’t be as if I was doing it out of pleasure. Just a small experiment.

I pressed the button to turn it on, but nothing happened.  A quick read of the manual told me I needed to charge it first. There would be no harm in charging it, right? It would take hours and by the time it was done, I would probably be asleep by then. Yes, I thought. That seemed good enough.

However, the universe seemed to have other ideas for me. Despite my best efforts, I still didn’t feel the least bit tired. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d ever been this wired and impatient. A quick peek at my clock told me it was now past three. If I didn’t relax soon, my day ahead would be difficult to manage.

I glanced around my bedroom, remembering my conversations with Julia and Kristin. Make sure to set the mood that best fits you. Not missing a beat, I turned the lights off and double-checked if my door was locked. At the last minute, I played my classical music again. I didn’t know if I was going to make a lot of noise, but it would be better to be safe than not.

With everything ready, I laid down in bed with the vibrator in hand. My eyes widened when I sensed how damp my underwear was as I removed it. This wasn’t the first time; it was happening frequently these past few days.

I pressed the “on” button, and the toy came to life. One last deep breath and I placed it between my legs.

This… isn’t so bad. I was expecting the “wow” factor that Kristin so often described. Instead, I met with what I already suspected: a massage on my clit.

A few minutes passed and a shockwave went through me. It felt good, but something told me it could be better. I roamed my other hand on my chest, looking for another sensitive spot.

Once I found my breast, I caressed it. Despite still having my shirt on, my nipple hardened at my touch. Another shockwave made my hips jerk, followed by even more pleasure.

A gasp escaped my lips and my eyes went shut. On instinct, I rolled my hips into the sex toy, desperate to replicate the feeling. The closest I’d felt like this was when-

When I was around Adrian.

Adrian.

I had never seen his eyes darken as they did today. There was a primal need in them that he didn’t attempt to hide. I was hypnotized by the effect I had on him and the one he had on me. I ached to feel the taste of cloves and mint in my mouth. I relished how my name sounded in his voice, so desperate and full of desire.

The moment between us ended too abruptly. If only we were by ourselves in his apartment…

A fluttering ache surged between my thighs. I moved my hips with urgency, keeping a constant rhythm. After vowing never to lose touch with reality, I let myself get lost in my imagination for once in my life.

Adrian closed the gap between our lips, putting a hand on my waist and the other on my cheek. My hands instantly grabbed his hair and brought him closer to me.

The feeling tingling inside of me was too much, too good. My heart couldn’t stop racing. I gripped the bed sheets with my free hand as if that would keep me from floating.

His mouth moved to my neck, switching between his lips and his tongue. I wrapped my arms around his neck, dipping my head back. The hand that was on my spine went to my collar, moving it to the side so he could explore my newly exposed skin. The one on my cheek lowered to my chest and he cupped my breast, kneading it until-

Then, heat spread under my skin from head to toe, all at once. I arched my back and a high-pitched whimper came out of my mouth. Long spasms coursed through my hips and I couldn’t help but groan whenever they appeared.

My eyes flew open once my body relaxed. I never felt like this before – no wonder Julia and Kristin spoke so highly about it. I didn’t want it to be over yet. No, I needed more, wanted more; I needed to feel this again, to finish what was on my mind.

I lay on my stomach, bending my knees so I could place the vibrator on my clitoris again. The barest brush of the toy made my hips twitch, still sensitive from my earlier orgasm. Forcing my back to slope downwards, I shut my eyes, going back to-

This time, I grabbed the collar of Adrian’s shirt and pushed us down to his couch.  He fell on top of me and I could feel his smirk against my mouth. His skilled tongue gently sucked my lower lip and we continued our lustful kiss. My fingers unbuttoned his shirt in response, eager to finally see him without one.

I rubbed myself frantically against the vibrator and buried my face in the pillow, muffling all my pleas of pleasure.

My hands roamed his bare chest, the desperate need to touch every part of his being. He shifted and I felt the bulk in his jeans. I moaned in his mouth-

I let out a moan-

And one of his hands ran up my thigh, stopping to clutch the hem of my shirt. It was strong but hesitant, holding onto his last grip on sanity. Deciding that I wasn’t waiting for him to act, I unzipped my pants. Adrian moved away, his breath hitching.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes-”

“Please,” I said breathlessly.

Without taking his hungry eyes away from mine, Adrian tugged my pants and underwear off altogether. I should have felt self-conscious, but I trusted him deeply. I knew I could be the truest version of myself and he would never make me ashamed of it.

He lowered his face, our foreheads touching each other. He placed his finger on my clit and started circling it. A small groan escaped his throat as his eyes went shut.

I whimpered, the heat in my abdomen increasing. I maintained the rhythm, careful not to lose the momentum and the feeling, this addictive feeling-

“Sage,” he whispered.

“Adrian.”

My muscles tightened and I felt a release within me, somehow even more exhilarating than before. I cried out against my pillow as my body shuddered into repeated waves of pleasure. Not able to take it any longer, I collapsed into the bed.

I turned the vibrator off, still panting. My body felt weightless as if all my bones had melted. I knew I needed to wash the sweat off my face, but every movement was agonizing. All I could do was listen to my heart beating while savoring the frenzy haze the orgasms had brought me.

I touched myself for the first time, with a vibrator. I came twice. And I did it while thinking of Adrian.

Before any more rational thought could resurface, I finally drifted off into unconsciousness.

~~~~~~

I found myself standing at Sonya and Mikhal’s wedding reception, as I’ve been doing many times these past few days. And as always, Adrian was a few steps away from me. Remembering what I did before I fell asleep, I quickly looked at myself. I sighed in relief as I saw my usual clothing instead of what I was wearing – or lack thereof – in the real world.

“Thank God. Did she find you? Were you hurt?”

“No. No, nothing happened,” I answered.

“Really?” His shoulders relaxed. “It took me so long to reach you. You weren’t picking up my calls and I thought-” He paused, shaking his head.

Guilt washed over me. I had turned my phone off to help me sleep. How long had he been waiting for me? And he didn’t even give up on the possibility of not seeing me…

“I’m sorry,” I walked towards him and grabbed his hand, my thumb caressing his knuckles. “I’m okay, see?”

He glanced at me, and a frown formed on his face as if he hadn’t noticed what I looked like until now.

“Are you sure?”

I blinked. “Yeah. Why?”

“Your aura. It’s so bright, it feels like I am standing close to the sun.” He grinned. “I mean, a yellow and purple sun.” He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingertips sliding down my cheek.

My pulse quickened. I was so worried about my appearance that I never considered my emotions to be what could expose me. Adrian claimed my aura shone with more intensity whenever he was around. Instantly, I became acutely aware of how close we were and where his hand was on my body.

Just like how I fantasized. All he needs to do is grab my waist and bring me closer…

I pulled away from his touch.

“I-I’m okay. I did yoga.”

Adrian arched his eyebrow. “What?”

“I couldn’t sleep so I practiced some yoga poses. My human friends at school recommended it to me. Help me relax.” I exhaled, hoping I sounded convinced. The good side of being an Alchemist was that you got used to lying on the spot.

He remained quiet for a second. And another. His eyes were still on me but I could tell from their glint that he was using Spirit, possibly studying my aura. Could he see through my lie? Did he even believe me when I said I threw the vibrator away? And if he didn’t, did he secretly wish that I used it? Did he imagine me…?

“Well, your aura tells me that it worked.” He flashed me his signature smirk. “You should teach me. I’m always down on learning new positions.”

I looked away, afraid of my eyes betraying me.

While Adrian materialized Battleship for us, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was some truth in my yoga excuse – the vibrator did work. I felt more relaxed. It helped me sleep. And as much as I hated to admit it, it did help with my frustrations.

Turns out, I got a good White Elephant gift.

And I was looking forward to using it again.

Notes:

A/N: Hello! I read Bloodlines for the first time at the end of last year and fell in love with the characters and Sydrian. This idea came to me randomly around the holidays - hence the setting - and I couldn't help but write it down.

This is my first fanfic in years, my first time writing any sort of smut, and my first fanfic completely in English. *nervous laughter*

I have other ideas for Sydrian/Bloodlines fanfics and I hope to contribute more to the fandom in the future. :)

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!