If Our Love Is Tragedy...

by Loralyi

Summary:

-this has been abandoned-
Sousuke has been crushing on Rin for as long as he can remember. But Rin only has eyes for someone else. Sousuke is hurt and is tired of being hurt, and decides to break things off once and for all.
Rin is oblivious to his feelings, but once his best friend starts pulling away from him he starts to realize just how important Sousuke is to him.

Notes:

This is heavily influenced by the songs Love me like you do by ellie goulding and Clarity by Zedd. They been giving me sourin feels all summer and im finally writing them down. The pov will switch by chapter though this will mostly focus on sousuke's side of things. lot's of angst but will end happy i swear!!!

Chapter 1: If Our Love Is Tragedy...

Sousuke wandered the halls of the swimming center, denying to himself that he was lost. He was simply turned around, he’d figure out where he was any minute. He was in search of Rin, he had come to see his friend race. Naturally Rin had placed first, though it had been close since Haru had also been an entrant today.

His relationship with Haru was a strange one. On one hand he had started to understand him as a person and had become close enough to be on a first name basis. On the other Haru remained his closest rival.

Which was silly, because they weren’t really rivals, it was only Sousuke who saw them that way. And he knew that it was really more jealousy than anything. That Haru got a side of Rin that Rin never showed to him. That Rin sought out his company, always has, and yet left him behind. Jealous of the way Rin looked at him.

Sousuke shook his head. He had long ago realized that his love was one-sided, and had decided to repress it. To get over it, move on. But seeing as he was now a full-fledged adult and still had these feelings he obviously wasn’t doing a very good job.

It had been nice, that last year of high school, when they had lived together and been around each other 24/7. Sousuke had almost let himself hope that there was a chance he would get his feelings returned. But in the end it was always Haru.

Which was especially frustrating seeing as Haru seemed to have absolutely no interest, and he hadn’t asked but was pretty sure had a thing with Makoto. If Rin was in love with someone and got together with them maybe he would be able to get over him. But with Rin still being on the market it made it hard for Sousuke to give up completely, no matter how much he wanted to.

Pausing Sousuke came back to the present, were those voices? They seemed to be coming from a room further up the hallway. As he came closer he easily identified his best friend’s voice, and from the sounds of the one sided conversation he was probably talking to Haru.

The door was open so he made no noise as he entered the room, but Sousuke heard the world crash to a stop and felt his heart drop through the floor at the sight that greeted him. The pair were sitting on a bench with their backs toward him so neither knew that he was there. Rin’s arms were wrapped around Haru, his head resting on Haru’s shoulder as he talked into his neck and Sousuke swore that his lips brushed the skin there. Haru wasn’t reciprocating in the least but wasn’t pushing him away either.

Without saying a word Sousuke turned and left. For a moment everything was numb, but before long he was walking faster and faster before he was running, trying to escape the pain he felt coming. But before long it caught up with him, pushing him to the floor in an empty corridor.

It hurt, it hurt so much. Every time he saw a scene like that it ripped through him like a jagged knife piercing an old wound. But he was getting tired. Tired of the hurt and the pain of this one sided love. He couldn’t do this anymore, this had to stop. Nothing had changed nor would it ever, it was time to move on. For real this time. So that he wouldn’t have to feel like this anymore. A strangled sob escaped his throat, and a single tear slid down his cheek. And as it dropped off of his chin he felt lighter, if only by a little bit. He could do this, would do this. So that he would never have to feel like this again.

 

He had almost left, not really wanting to see Rin, but didn’t want to be rude either so he made his way back to the entrance hall to wait for his friends. By the time they showed up it was impossible to tell that Sousuke had cried, not that he really had in the first place, and when the pair walked into view he put on a happy face.

“Congratulations Rin.”

“Thanks.” Rin smiled at him before turning to Haru, the smile turning into a smirk as he boasted his win. Haru’s eyebrow twitched and he looked away. Laughing Rin swung an arm around Haru’s shoulder. “So you wanna come to dinner with us?” Sousuke told himself to ignore the way his heart squeezed, though it wasn’t as painful anymore, like he was numb.

“No, I need to go home.” To see Makoto was plain on his face. Makoto hadn’t been able to make the meet because of school, and it was easy to see that Haru was anxious to get back to him. He absentmindedly wondered how Rin couldn’t see it.

“You’re no fun.” Rin whined but let Haru go. Saying goodbye Haru quickly exited the building and was out of sight. Rin sighed shaking his head before looking up at Sousuke. “So? Where to?”

Looking away Sousuke shrugged. “I’m not really hungry.”

“What? C’mon you can’t bail on me too!” He stepped forward and playfully kicked at Sousuke’s leg. Sousuke couldn’t help the small grimace that came over his features as he backed up a step. Smile falling Rin looked him over again with a furrowed brow and concerned eyes. “Hey are you okay?”

This wasn’t fair, the wound was too raw and when Rin looked at him like that it made him want to go back, to forget about moving on. But he knew that he couldn’t go back, not now. It could work this time, he could feel it. Crossing his arms he tried to keep his expression and voice neutral, though he was pretty sure he failed on both accounts. “Yeah, I’m just not up for going out tonight.”

Rin’s eyes searched his face for a clue as to what was really wrong, but when he didn’t find anything gave up. “Okay. Let’s go home then.” Sousuke resented the way that was worded but nodded anyway.

 

The train ride home was a quiet one. They lived opposite ways from each other once getting off the train, and Rin looked like he wanted to follow Sousuke home. Sighing he turned to look his friend in the eye for the first time since they were at the swimming center. “Listen, I’m fine really, I’m just not feeling it tonight.” Rin didn’t look totally convinced.

“Are you sure? I can come over if you want.” He offered with that same concerned look he had been wearing all evening.

“No I’m good, you go get some rest, you deserve it.” He smiled but it was forced, and his childhood friend saw through it immediately. Luckily he decided to drop it.

“Okay. See you later then.”

“Yeah, goodnight.” Sousuke headed for home, not once looking back.

 

Once reaching his apartment an idea struck him, not one he was particularly fond of for several reasons, but one that just might work. Pulling out his cell phone he scrolled through the contacts before selecting one and hitting ‘call’. After a few rings an energetic voice answered.

“Sousuke! What a surprise!” Kisumi’s refreshing voice was too much for Sousuke right now, even through the phone. Pinching the bridge of his nose Sousuke started.

“Hey Kisumi, I was wondering if you could do me a favor.”

“Heeeh, what kind of favor?”

Sousuke paused, did he really want to do this? Shaking his head he reminded himself of why he was doing it and pressed on. “I was wondering if you could hook me up with someone.”

“Eehhh? Really?” Kisumi sounded a little shocked, and Sousuke realized with a fair amount of certainty that his friend knew about his old crush.

“Yeah, it’s about time dontcha think? And I’m not having much luck on my own so I figure you might know someone.”

“Hmmm, I might. Are you looking for a girl? Or…” Sousuke was vaguely irritated by how well Kisumi seemed to know him even though he had never given up this information. But for the moment he pondered the question seriously.

“A girl.” He decided. He had realized long ago that he had been into both guys and girls, though one guy in particular had taken up most of his attention. But right now a guy might remind him too much of Rin, a girl sounded like a better option.

“Okay, I’ll get back to you on that.”

“Thanks.”

 Kisumi was silent for a moment before asking, “Is everything okay?”

Sousuke was quickly coming to hate that question and its implications.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” He tried not to snap. But Kisumi just laughed it off.

“No reason. Okay then I’ll talk to you later!”

“Yeah, bye.”

As the click of the phone sounded in Sousuke’s ear he began to feel uncertain. Pushing it down he stood up. This was the right thing to do, the healthy thing to do. He was going to get over Rin, one way or another.

Chapter 2: Love Me Like You Do...

Notes:

Rin's pov this time! Sorry about how long this took to get out, college gets in the way of everything D;

There will only be one more chap after this!

Rin was beyond confused and quickly starting to get worried. It had been weeks since the race and ever since things between him and Sousuke had been, off. Getting Sousuke to hang out was suddenly like pulling teeth, and even when he did manage to get his best friend to let him come over it felt awkward. There was a distance between them now that had never been there before, and no matter what Rin did he could neither breach it nor get Sousuke to admit to it. He would just brush it off and tell Rin to stop pestering him.

But Rin couldn’t shake the feeling that he was missing something important, and the longer it went on the worse Sousuke got. Today he had practically had to break down Sousuke’s door before he was let in. Now they were sitting as far apart as possible in his living room, and Rin felt like Sousuke would honestly rather not even be in the same building as him. And it hurt. This was his supposed childhood best friend, whom he had shared a dorm with, and for a while they had been attached at the hip. And now he could hardly get a glance from him. If he had done something to piss him off he would understand the cold shoulder treatment, and more importantly be able to do something to fix it. But as much as he tried he couldn’t figure out what had he could have done to anger his friend, and Sousuke was not being forthcoming about it.

Rin sighed heavily as he looked over at Sousuke who was staring down at his phone. He cleared his throat trying to catch his attention to no avail, Sousuke didn’t even blink. Rin tried to keep his cool.

“Oi.” Sousuke continued to ignore him.

He tried.

Grabbing the nearest object, which fortunately for Sousuke was a couch pillow, Rin chucked it across the room hitting Sousuke with a dull thud in the face.

“What the hell?!” Sousuke yelled, finally acknowledging Rin’s presence with a glare.

“What the hell yourself! Why are you acting like this?!”

All of the anger instantly drained from Sousuke as he deflated and turned away, no longer meeting Rin’s gaze.

“I’m not acting like anything.” He rebutted quietly.

“That right fucking there is what I’m talking about!” Rin shouted, finger jutting out to point accusingly. Sousuke sighed tiredly.

“Listen, it’s just, things are different now, okay?”

“What ‘things’?” Rin asked in exasperated confusion, arms flailing. Taking a deep breath Sousuke turned back to Rin, who shrank back from the dejectedly serious expression that he was met with.

“I’m growing up Rin, and change is a part of that.” He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I’m moving on with my life. Maybe you should too.”

Rin didn’t know what to say. He felt numb, and there was white noise ringing in his ears. When he finally managed to speak his throat was dry and his mouth felt like it had been stuffed with cotton.

“What are you trying to say?” Under normal circumstances he would have berated himself for letting his voice crack on the last word, but right now he barely even registered that it had happened.

“I’m saying that I don’t think we should hang out anymore.”

Rin felt as though a tidal wave had slammed into him and plowed him over. He was drowning in so many emotions that he couldn’t think straight and a strange numbing calmness fell over him. He felt like he should say something, something that would stop this from happening. But all that fell from his lips was a soft, “Oh.”

Sousuke’s phone went off and as he looked at the message Rin tried to resuscitate himself to no avail. His brain was still waterlogged as Sousuke stood, pocketing his phone and picked up his jacket.

“Look, I have to go.”

Rin remained seated, looking up at Sousuke but not quite seeing him. “Where?” He asked, voice hollow.

Sousuke’s eye twitched in what for him was a flinch, but his expression remained cold.

“On a date.”

***

The weeks that followed were nothing but a blur for Rin. Everything he did was lackluster, even his swimming. His coaches had yelled a lot at first, but as time went on their voices became gentler. His teammates tried to talk to him about it, tried to get him to go out with them. But all he did was shrug them off before returning home to lay in bed for several hours before exhaustion caused him to pass out.

It was during these hours of silence that Sousuke’s last words to him echoed in his ears. ‘I’m moving on’ ‘don’t think we should hang out’ ‘ON A DATE’

That last one was always the loudest for some reason. Rin didn’t know why it irked him so. Of course Sousuke went on dates, he was a grown ass man. But it was always when those words crashed around in his skull that he would break, large salty tears falling from his eyes as silent sobs wracked through his body.

It wasn’t until Gou stopped by that he realized that he must look just as bad on the outside as he felt on the inside.

“Are you even eating?!” She exclaimed after hugging him, eyes scoring his body to fully take in how awful a state he was in.

“I think I ate something today?” He replied, memory to hazy to give a definite answer. Gou smacked him before her eyes softened and she pulled him in for another hug.

“Onii-chan, what’s wrong?”

Rin wrapped his arms around his sister. “It’s nothing.”

“Doesn’t seem like nothing.” She grumbled into his chest. Rin let out a short muted laugh, and the action felt so foreign to him. When was the last time he had laughed? When Gou spoke again her voice was soft and hesitant, as if unsure she really wanted to ask.

“Did you have a fight with Sousuke-kun?”

Rin stiffened, hands gripping onto her shirt.

“I thought so.”

And before he realized it his tears were dripping down onto Gou’s shoulder. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Rin shook his head. There was nothing to talk about, not that he was currently capable of speech anyway. Sousuke didn’t want him around anymore, and even though he didn’t understand why he could respect that decision. He didn’t need to talk it out he just needed to do as Sousuke said, move on. It’s just that it was proving to be much more difficult to actually do.

After making him dinner and forcing it down his throat Gou left, making him promise that he would call her if he wanted to talk or if he needed her for anything. Rin promised but doubted he would make that call. Still, having his little sister around had been a good distraction, had helped him to feel less lonely. When she was gone his apartment felt too quiet, and it wasn’t long before he was wrapped in blankets in his bed again.

A few days later the Iwatobi gang were on his doorstep, and though they wouldn’t admit to it he was sure it was his sister’s doing. Makoto and Nagisa insisted they were just in the neighborhood, somehow. Rin didn’t press it. It was kinda nice to have the boisterous bunch around, it was a nice change of pace. That was, until Haru spoke up.

“So what’s the deal with you and Sousuke?” He asked bluntly. Rin flinched.

“Haru!” Makoto scolded. Haru just shrugged at Makoto and stared questioningly at Rin, waiting for an answer.

“There’s no ‘deal’.” Rin answered, while attempting to keep a neutral face.

“Oh please the two of you are falling apart. You’re not fooling anybody.” Haru snapped, his monotonous voice dripping with irritation. Rin started to argue when the entirety of that sentence hit him.

“Wait, the two of us?”

“Yeah.” Nagisa chirped in. “From what we’ve heard Sou-chan’s currently the world’s grumpiest grouch. Momo-chan told me that when he and Ai-chan visited him he seemed depressed and was extra snappy to them. But he wouldn’t tell them what was wrong either.”

Rin was wide-eyed in astonishment. Sousuke was depressed? But why? It couldn’t have anything to do with him, after all Sousuke had been the one to break things off. Shouldn’t he be happy now?

“Rin?” Makoto asked after Rin had been silent for several moments. He still didn’t know what to say.

“That doesn’t make sense. It was Sousuke who-” Rin broke off, unsure of how to finish that sentence.

“Who what?” Makoto asked gently.

“He, had gotten all distant with me all of a sudden. And then one day he told me he didn’t want me around anymore!” Rin’s voice got higher as a lump formed in his throat. Tears gathered in his eyes, blurring his vision and threatening to fall. Haru sighed and shook his head.

“What did you do?” He asked accusingly.

“Nothing! That I know of. Everything was normal and then after that last race we swam together he started acting different.” Haru’s eyes widened as if he had just discovered something.

“Wait, you said the day of our race?”

Rin sniffed. “Yeah. Beforehand he was fine but when we met up afterword’s he was different.”

Haru groaned before picking about a magazine off of Rin’s table and chucking it at him.

“Haru!”

“Haruka-sempai!”

“This is totally you’re fault” Haru stated.

“What?! How is it my fault?” Rin asked angrily, throwing the magazine back at Haru who dodged it easily.

“It’s because of your stupid clinginess.”

“Excuse me?!”

“Remember how you were hanging all over me after the race? Sousuke probably saw that.”

Rin was gaping at him in confusion. “And?!”

“Aaaand,” Haru restated with a glare, “He probably got jealous and came to some stupid Sousuke conclusion.”

Rin was even more confused. “Jealous? What are you talking about?”

 This time Nagisa answered. “Do you really not know Rin-chan?”

“Know what?!”

“That Sousuke is in love with you.” Makoto replied gently.

Rin froze. What were they talking about? Sousuke didn’t love him. They were just best friends, or were. And besides even if that were the case, then-

“Then why did he leave me?”

And it was at that exact moment that Rin realized that he was in love with Yamazaki Sousuke. He couldn’t believe that he hadn’t realized it before, it was so obvious now. Why he had tried so hard to keep his friend in his life. Why when he had been pushed away it had hurt so much. Why hearing that Sousuke was going on a date had broken him. It was because he was in love with him.

Big fat tears spilled down his cheeks and instantly Nagisa was there to hold him. He leaned gratefully into his friends embrace.

“Because he’s just as big of an idiot as you are.” Haru replied. Makoto shoved him but he just shrugged.

“Listen,” Makoto started. “I think there is still time to fix this mess. I was talking to Kisumi the other day,” Haru’s face instantly soured but Makoto ignored him. “and he told me that Sousuke had asked him to set him up with a girl. He was just as confused as we are but did it anyway. He figures Sousuke is trying to use her as a rebound to try and get over you.” Rin stopped crying as the shock from those words crashed through his brain. “He also said that it doesn’t seem to be working out and that the girl is only staying with Sousuke in the hopes that he might eventually come around. But he thinks, as do I, that Sousuke is still head over heels for you.”

Rin was overwhelmed. Too much information was being shoved into his brain at once. He loved Sousuke. And apparently Sousuke loved him as well? Even though he had pushed him away? Which was because he was trying to get over him? None of it made any sense.

“So what are you gonna do Rin-chan?” Nagisa asked pointedly.

Rin was unsure of how to answer at first, but then something clicked in his brain. Wiping at his eyes he stood, running over to his room to get his jacket then headed for the door to pull on his shoes.

“Where are you going Rin-san?” Rei called.

“I have to go get Sousuke back.” He replied, sounding more like himself than he had in weeks.

“Good luck Rin-chan!” Nagisa called behind him as he ran out the door.

Haru shook his head. “Idiots.”