Chapter Text
Chapter 1 of Clip it, Baby!
Cutouts, Calls, and Curry
⸻
There were, looking back, a lot of things that Sasuke wanted to be when he was a runny-nosed toddler.
At one point in time, he had dreamed of exploring the galaxies as Japan’s brightest astronaut, with the glow-in-the-dark stars tacked on to his childhood bedroom ceiling to show for it.
In another era, when he had decided that heights were actually a little awful after the said glow-in-the-dark stars above his bed started to peel off with age — he set his sights on becoming a chef instead, the kind with the puffy hats and pearly white robes.
That too came and went with the passing of seasons, as did many other aspirations that would flare then dwindle with enough consideration. A race car driver. A lawyer. A scientist. A hacker. Frankly, he’d do anything but what his parents had predetermined for him — he’d expect anything that wasn’t the dull, cookie-cutter life that his parents had set for him.
But, that would mean he would have expected what was happening right now. And he hadn’t.
Because the Sasuke Uchiha of now is not Japan’s brightest astronaut, or a chef with pearly white cooking robes, or a race car driver, or a lawyer, or a scientist, or a hacker — currently, Sasuke is staring at an empty stove-top pan with an iron grip fastened to the edges of his kitchen counter, trying not to (respectfully) tear all of his hair out and gouge his eyeballs on a fine Tuesday night while his good friend of five years explains to him that his final reward tier for his first charity stream should be him making out with a cutout of a character from a video game because it is, in his words, ‘hot as hell, plus funny’.
“Suigetsu,” Sasuke seethes, channeling the patience of a lawyer version of Sasuke, or maybe a hacker version of Sasuke for this extenuating circumstance. “I am not. Not. Going to order a cardboard cut out of Mei from Overwatch and kiss it on my first charity stream.”
“I’ll get it for y —”
“I’ll get a restraining order for you if any weird packages show up at my apartment in the next week.”
Suigetsu makes a noise of fake hurt. “Christ, Sas, a week? Rich people are fuckin’ different, man, you think a life size cutout could ship out in a week?”
“Life size cutout — you’re fucking insufferable.”
“Hey, dickwad,” Suigetsu snorts, though he clearly knows he's being obnoxious. "Take a joke.”
“This joke has lasted thirty minutes and ended the last twenty times each equally unfunny.” Irritated but ever so jaded, Sasuke takes a few exasperated steps to open his freezer, perusing its contents for simple dinner ingredients.
“I do have another good idea,” Suigetsu whines, loud enough that Sasuke has to pull the phone away from his ears farther than it already is as his eyes graze over the eggs and the reheatable rice. “I swear. But if I told you it first, you’d hang up on me the first time I brought up the cutout, which I still think is honestly genius. That’s viral material, Sas.”
Sasuke decides on a box of leftover curry and returns to the stove, flicking it on with a soft snort. “If I go viral because I kissed a cardboard cutout, I’m shutting down all of my accounts.”
“Then you totally need to do some research on what actually gets eyes on you when it comes to shitholes like Twitter, ‘cause you’re gonna be real disappointed —”
“The idea,” Sasuke interrupts, massaging his temples as the stove’s flames flicker to life around the bottom of the pan. “Just tell me the actual idea.”
Suigetsu huffs audibly, and Sasuke can make out the other man plopping onto his couch – finally, holy shit, he’s won the battle because Suigetsu is actually way more in with what’s trendy, but worst of all he knows that Sasuke actually needs him because of it – through his phone. “Okay. Fine. I originally called you thirty minutes ago because I felt like it would be really cool if you made a tier where you pulled a watcher for stuff. Imagine you nab someone and let them come up with some ideas for the last tier. Or just play some games with them. Let them grill you alive. Have it so higher donations means more chances in the lottery or something like that.”
Sasuke watches as the curry melts into the pan, fusing with the butter and melting into a rich brown. He thinks about it with a roll of his jaw, and begrudgingly, realizes that the idea isn’t bad, which is always an infuriating thought when it overlaps with Suigetsu.
“...Okay,” Sasuke starts, honing in on the non-melted block of curry with his wooden spatula and swirling it around the pan absentmindedly. “Not awful. How do you propose I even do that?”
“I mean, there’s lots of ways. There’s tons of websites that automate that shit for you now — I’ll link one to you after this — and you can decide what reward you think is good, and won’t push that stick up your ass too much further, yeah? The interaction’s the important part.”
Sasuke on another day would definitely have something to say, but Suigetsu’s worn him down too much tonight, so he settles for a “fine, thank you” in his flattest, emptiest tone.
“Honestly,” Suigetsu harrumphs, “You’re way too shitty with technology for someone who’s around it so much. What would you do without me?”
“What would I,” mutters Sasuke. “Know peace, probably.”
His oh-so-dear friend pointedly avoids this jab with masterful precision. “And make sure you check all your platforms later. Maybe ask your adoring fans what they think about the idea. You’re streaming tomorrow, right?”
“Yes.”
“Ask then, too. Just keep the hype going. How many viewers these days? I'm always too busy combing through your chat to look at that.”
“Depends. Average four thousand, maybe. Five thousand on better days.”
Suigetsu lets out a low whistle. “For your boring ass? That’s insane, Sas, you’re seriously on the come up at this point. Are you sure you don’t need to hire a manager?”
“Dumbass,” Sasuke rolls his eyes, but feels a prick of pride at that. He hates to admit it, but he has okay friends. “Not nearly busy enough for one.”
“Hey, it could be soon! I have dibs on the job, though?”
“Maybe if you ask nicely.”
They go back and forth for a few more minutes as Sasuke cooks his curry, most of which consists of Suigetsu babbling something that Sasuke feels bad a phone line has to carry and then promptly shutting him down with a snarky comment. It’s a fairly common schedule for a Tuesday, and one he enjoys — though he’d never let Suigetsu know that.
The curry expands, a bubble or two popping underneath the surface. It barely disturbs the thick soup, but Sasuke knows it’s complete.
“Okay,” the Uchiha starts, “I’m going so I can actually eat my food.”
“Don’t forget to check your shit! I need to sleep early tonight, so I’m not reminding you before I pass out.”
Sasuke snorts. “I didn’t realize I actually hired you as my manager just now.”
When the call breaks, Sasuke carefully pours the curry over a bowl of heated rice, and heads for his couch. With Suigetsu’s reminder fresh in his head, he opens Twitter, taking his first bite of the curry while it loads.
Frankly, keeping up with his few forms of social media is the most tiring part of Sasuke’s chosen career. He doesn’t hate it, per se, but sometimes the obligation of keeping people updated can be exhausting. He tries to tweet at least once or twice a day, and likes fanart and messages on the days he feels drained.
It doesn’t help that Sasuke’s always been more on the private — if not borderline reclusive — side without the push of his closest friends. He knows it’s an… odd choice as a hobby, nevermind a career, one that is wholly unexpected of him.
He spends a little longer than he’d like on writing a tweet, and uploads a photo to go alongside it. After the spinning icon morphs into a checkmark to let him know his post was successful, he starts to scroll through his home feed. It’s a melting pot of the usual stuff — some of the other content creators he follows (though he interacts with them very rarely), tweets under his tags, and the occasional interesting factoid or account for nature photos to stave off any feelings of overwhelm.
It’s too easy to get lost in it all. By the time his bowl of curry is scraped clean, fifteen minutes have passed and he’s refreshed his way through at least five or six pages of curated content, liking and replying here and there. His eyes catch on the red circle hovering above his notifications icon in the corner of his screen, so he taps it without much thought. It’s prime interaction time, after all — most people are certainly lounging around at home by this point.
UCHIHA @uchihatwt · 17m
Too cold these days. Curry tonight.
[Slightly shaky image of curry in dim lighting.]
2 Retweets - 1 Quote Tweets - 54 Likes
karo🕸 @ndkarotene_ · 11m
??? Sasuke you have graduated college you don't have to eat like a college student anymore why does it look so sad
1 Retweet - 0 Quote Tweets - 10 Likes
STREAM POP @jnzystn · 57s
wow brevity really is the soul of the wit thank u professor uchiha. its ok thats why we love u
0 Retweet - 0 Quote Tweets - 0 Likes
…He should probably be used to the fact that his watchers relentlessly make fun of him, but he isn’t. Sasuke at least understands that these jabs are in good faith (after much validation from Suigetsu) so he does play along with them most of the time, even if acting like internet strangers are his friends doesn’t come the most naturally.
STREAM POP @jnzystn · 2m
wow brevity really is the soul of the wit thank u professor uchiha. its ok thats why we love u
0 Retweets - 0 Quote Tweets - 1 Like
UCHIHA @uchihatwt · Now
I expect your paper on my desk this Monday. No extensions.
0 Retweets - 0 Quote Tweets - 0 Likes
And with that, Sasuke closes out of the app with a sigh, stifling a yawn as he stretches out his muscles. He makes quick work of scrubbing down his dishes, and the rest of the evening goes by in a flash — he vacuums his apartment floor, takes a shower, and brushes his teeth.
It’s all snappy and purposeful — he doesn’t really take baths or make time for other hobbies, so one task bleeds right into another without much actual thought. But it’s fine. He likes this kind of life. He does.
Sasuke falls asleep without a struggle that night, mindlessly wondering whether he has curry left for tomorrow as he drifts off.
⸻
One thing that Sasuke has miraculously been unable to shake off is his sleeping habits.
It seems to be a given that most of the people sharing his career have at least one thing in common — that being a downright abysmal sleep schedule.
Perhaps it’s because the notion of a daily routine has been pounded into him by such a traditional family, perhaps it’s just because old habits die hard, but Sasuke still falls asleep before midnight on most days and rises at a crisp 7 A.M.
Honestly, it’s his favorite part of his day. Everything feels new, like a fresh layer of paint has been slathered over anything that could have bothered him the day before — things feel okay for a couple of hours even when they’re not. It is a kind of tranquility that isn’t satisfied even by late nights with a similar ambience, or by pleasant afternoons on a quiet weekend.
When Sasuke wakes the next day, he pulls himself out of bed with little to no effort, sliding on a bathrobe to fight the August chill and making a beeline for the kitchen, eyeing the clock on his phone — 6:56. Perfect. That was plenty of time to be a little productive before his stream later at 12 PM. He’s a few minutes into the process of making breakfast, slotting some bread into the toaster and fishing out a jar of jam from his fridge.
Just perfect. These mornings are exactly what he relishes. Stability, tranquil, and if there’s a tinge of boredom or loneliness, it’s washed away by the chirp of birds and the soft glow of sunstreaks through his window —
Riiiing. Riiiiing. Riiiiiiiing.
Clicking his tongue, Sasuke snatches the phone from his pocket, not even bothering to check the caller ID. There’s only a few people who have the audacity to call him this early in the morning. “Hello?” he snaps, already reaching for his temple.
“Sasukeeee!” The whine of a woman blares through his phone, and her resemblance to Suigetsu in that moment is uncanny, both in tone and in the ability to pound a flawless Wednesday morning into smithereens.
“Karin,” Sasuke says, flatly. “It’s seven in the morning.”
“I know, I know, we’re sorry. Sui and I are getting food right now because — okay, he had to pick up some shit with my van for his apartment, and the Craigslist guy could only do 6 AM. But we hit a local diner for breakfast and I just realized I didn’t bring my wallet because I was half asleep when I was getting ready, like a regular person at 5:30 in the morning.”
Sasuke ignores the jab. He is way too good to his friends. “Why is this my problem? Tell him to pay for the food.”
Karin chuckles awkwardly, and he’s pretty sure he makes out a despairing moan in the background of the call. “Well, Sui got scared that the Craigslist guy was gonna rob him, so he didn’t bring anything other than the cash he promised and his driver’s license.”
“...That fucking idiot.”
“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger!”
“You’re the messenger and the other culprit, Karin.”
“Rude. Anyways, can you make it to the address I just sent you ASAP? Thanks! Kisses. With your wallet please, we’ll pay you back. Our lives depend on you right now! Also, we can catch up okaythanksbye!”
“What. Karin, I’m not —”
“I’ll send that photo I have of you from that one day in high school where you did scene eyeliner to Sui.”
“Karin —”
Beeeeeep.
So fuck this morning in particular, actually.
—
Sasuke speeds through the I-5 where there aren't piles of traffic, holding the wheel in place for each meandering turn littered throughout the highway. He’s annoyed, fine, he’s pissed — and while the drive does help the usually put-together Sasuke recede from a fuming kettle to a light simmer, he still pushes through the door of the mentioned diner with more than a little contempt.
“Welcome! Can I get a table started for you?” A waiter notices him sweeping his gaze over the tables, jogging over.
“No,” he says curtly. “I have —”
“Sasuke! ” A familiar woman’s voice calls to him around the corner, and he catches a flourish of fiery red hair as she peeks out from the wall. “Over here!”
Sasuke strides past the waiter with a curt nod, coming to a stop in front of her table.
“Thank fuck, you’ve saved us. I couldn’t think straight this morning!” Karin exclaims, motioning rapidly towards the open booth seat across from her and a Suigetsu with his head on the table.
“I’m gay and I brought my wallet just fine,” Sasuke deadpans, lively as a brick. He doesn’t sit down. “What’s wrong with Suigetsu? More wrong than usual, I mean.”
Suigetsu groans loudly, and Karin makes a ‘no matter’ motion, which is followed up with a slap to his shoulder. “He’s fine, just dramatic and sick from the trip we just took. Anyways, sit! Get some food. I’ll cover us later.”
“You owe me one,” Sasuke grouses. “This was supposed to be a quiet morning.”
Suigetsu raises his head at that, looking slightly pained. “...You’re, ugh, right. We’re sorry, Sas. Thanks for comin’ out though, really,” he mumbles, Karin giving a nod in support of the apology. “Was the traffic okay?”
“We’re an hour from Los Angeles and I left during peak rush hour. What do you think?”
Suigetsu’s head catapults back onto the table. “Fair enough. Wake me up when the food’s here.”
“If you throw up on my seat when we drive back, you’re buying me a new van,” Karin warns.
“I’ll throw up on you instead, then. Crisis averted.” Suigetsu’s muffled voice sounds through the fabric of his sleeve, and Karin leans over to twist his ear.
The man cries out immediately, thrashing to try and escape without much success. “ Ow, holy shit, Karin, you crazy —”
“So,” Karin starts, swiveling to Sasuke. “Catch me up. It’s been a hot second since I started a new job. Still streaming, yeah?”
“Hn.” Sasuke reaches for a leftover menu just as Suigetsu’s released from the woman’s hold. He just curls back into a ball again on the table, listening in quietly. “I’ll be streaming later today, too.”
“Oh, yeah. Suigetsu mentioned you doing something for charity while we were driving to see the Craigslist guy,” recalls Karen, her head tipping upwards in thought. “I’m guessing you just stream and donate the earnings to charity? Is that right?”
“Yes. With reward tiers,” Sasuke affirms, then fights his natural instincts and (poorly) attempts at further conversation. “How’s the new job?”
“Good! Real good,” Karin replies, flashing him an appreciative smile. “I mentioned it’s at a gym already, right?”
“Hn. Gym director.” Sasuke flips a page, not lifting his gaze from the menu.
She twirls her hand in a leisurely fashion. “ Assistant gym director, but close enough.”
Sasuke squints a little at that. “Is it that busy? Suigetsu hasn’t complained about you in two weeks, which means you haven’t talked to him.”
“It’s hell,” Karin groans, suddenly looking as nauseous as the white-haired man next to her. “Okay, don’t get me wrong. I like it a lot there. But it’s way too fucking busy, seriously. The training is grueling.”
Sasuke huffs at that, lightly rolling his eyes. “Could’ve fooled me. You look fine.”
The red-haired woman gives a hearty laugh, slapping the back of a still barely-conscious Suigetsu who can only whimper weakly in retaliation. “Well, yeah! I’m more used to it now. Plus, there’s fucking eye candy at our gym for healing — I’m talking multiple stunners, solid tens across the board. It’s crazy. There’s a blond dude that works here that’s definitely your type — and one of the regulars is fine. You should come in sometime.”
“I’m not going to drive twenty minutes to your gym so I can ogle the guys there,” Sasuke deadpans. “That’s a waste of money and gas.”
Karin breaks into another bout of well-meaning laughter, then seems to hesitate for a moment before leaning forward to press her chin into her palm. It’s a shoddy attempt at looking casual, but Sasuke pretends not to notice. “How’s your… brother?”
“He’s fine,” Sasuke says, which isn’t untrue. “Working his ass off.”
“You two still talk, right?”
“Once a week.” Most recent call was last Monday, Sasuke thinks to himself. A few days overdue.
“That’s good,” she offers genuinely, and then a creep of concern seeps into her voice. “What do you guys talk about these days?”
“...Mostly rain checks,” he responds, catching her drift. “I think he’s avoiding anything heavy. Or work talk.”
Karin nods vigorously, relaxing. “Sounds nice. Say hi to him for me.”
It grows a little quiet after that, as it always does when Sasuke’s family is brought into the conversation. The Uchiha flags down a waiter in the silence, trying to fill the void in conversation with something that’s passably natural, and he receives a brief nod of acknowledgement from a server at another table.
He’s not quite sure why this happens, both his friends making an effort to keep checking in about his family and the awkwardness that follows. He’s decided it’s just another example of the two being much better people than he is, offering their support in ways that they know are a little more subtle for the man with the outer emotional intelligence of a teaspoon.
Sasuke doesn’t mind it per se, but the discomfort after is always palpable and he’s not really certain who’s fault it is, if anyone’s. He’d rather not ask, either.
Pushing the thought aside, Sasuke decides on a question to lighten the mood.
“Why are you two even out here, anyways? Craigslist?”
Karin perks up at that, nodding in acknowledgement. “Oh, yeah. Suigetsu and I drove out for an hour to pick up a cat tower.”
“...What.”
“You heard her,” Suigetsu finally says, lifting his head and appearing mostly recovered. “I just adopted a cat.”
Sasuke blinks, his head turning up from perusing the menu. “Are you serious?”
“Huh? Yeah, why?”
“I’ve never heard you talk about owning animals.”
“I’ve been doing my research,” Suigetsu defends. “I’ve always liked animals. I just never got to raise one.”
“Why this cat tower? Couldn’t you just buy a random one?”
“Apparently, the cat I’m taking really likes the one they have at the shelter, but they wouldn’t sell it to me. I thought I’d make a good first impression and track it down online.”
“A good first impression,” Sasuke parrots blankly. “On the cat.”
“Not all of us have hearts of fucking ice, dude. Yes.”
“...Um,” comes a voice beside the table — the entourage turn to realize their designated waiter is standing at attention rather patiently, long ready to jot something down.
“Oh! Sorry, honey.” Karin eyes Sasuke, silently urging him to order after giving an apologetic look to the server. He goes for a plain waffle with half sweetness and absolutely no condiments while only feeling a slight twinge of joy at Suigetsu’s dry gagging noises thereafter.
—
Sasuke pays the tab with only two death glares aimed at Karin and Suigetsu then heads home without any detours. He’s set to start work in an hour and a half, and he knows he’ll be cutting it close when taking set-up time into account. The streamer tweets out a quick apology in case he starts a few minutes late and snaps his phone shut, strapping himself into his car as fast as possible. Some people might be surprised at the discipline he keeps in terms of streaming on time, but it's just something he's held up for the last few months and plans to continue doing so.
He arrives at home and after some prep, clicks Start Stream at precisely 12:06 PM, and relishes the familiar rush of adrenaline as his stream whirs to life. He adjusts the camera, tinkering with the angle as viewers begin to flood in.
“Hi everyone. Sorry again for the late start. Good — welcome back, Dae46, hope you actually wrote your essay — afternoon, I just finished my third cup of coffee, so I’m not sure if I should jump into a game immediately.”
The chat that was originally flooding with greetings bleed into a wall of varying Twitch emotes and comments on his coffee habits.
Bobobobok_ COFFEE AGAIN
Dae46 🏮 I didn’t I’m procrastinating again LMAO
0cowinspace0 more coffee KEKW
Gblundertaker smh someone stop him
Justhereforuchi 🏮 !coffee
Nightbot Uchiha has mentioned coffee 197 times over 382 days. Logged by @Justhereforuchi.
Shosho2 IS HE SHAKING LOOK AT HIS HANDS
“Thank you, Justhereforuchi. You’re always snappy with that command. Dae46, if you fail your class, don’t blame me.” He makes eye contact with the camera for a few seconds, giving a mock serious stare before breaking it off and returning to skimming chat. “Christ. Sue me, chat. Didn’t know liking coffee was such a sin. On second thought, I’m sure I’ll be fine — I’m not shaking, you all — Overwatch first, I want to practice a bit more Baptiste.”
The next hour or so is about what any other Wednesday afternoon stream might look like — it’s a little quieter, which he certainly doesn’t mind. He grinds through a few warm up matches, then quite a few ranked ones, making sure to check in with the chatters and thank donations.
…And provide a little entertainment, of course, especially since the stream begins to gain a bit more traction as people come home from school or work.
“Can you fucking get on point, Baptiste? What the shit are you doing over there? Bartering for blueberries in Mesopotamia, my guy?” A teammate’s nasally voice snarls loud and clear through Sasuke’s headphones a solid ten minutes into what he’s deemed to be one of his last games. Intentional or not, the voice is grating and way too close to the microphone.
Sasuke shifts, lifting the hand on his keyboard to tug one of the headphone ear covers slightly off his head. “Wrong food.”
“What? ”
“Blueberries weren’t cultivated by humans until the 1900s. They weren’t bartered for when Mesopotamians were doing it. Maybe try wine next time.”
There is a distinct pause then, and Sasuke has to bite back a snort. “... Okay, dude. Just get on point.”
“Do you understand why one’s possible and one isn't? Bartering for blueberries and bartering for wine.”
“What are you even saying? ”
Sasuke repeats his earlier statement at a much more leisurely pace, though not without tacking on something a little extra — “No one. Bartered. For blueberries. In Mesopotamia. They were. Not cultivated by humans. Until the 1900s. Once you understand why bartering for blueberries in Mesopotamia was impossible, maybe we can move on to why it’s impossible for a support to hold point because of useless DPSes like you that can’t clear flank, dumbass.”
Sasuke swivels to stare directly into his facecam as he’s met with dead silence, offering his best Uchiha poker face for a solid five seconds — he relishes from the corner of his eye the way his chat explodes before centering his attention back onto the game.
pocomints ???? LOL
12Duck KEKW KEKW KEKW KEKW
Stracker_TTV bro has no chill this has to be scripted LUL
blowfishaq SOMEONE ADD THIS TO THE UCHIHA HISTORY MAJOR COMPILATION
WaviestBow6 🏮WHY AM I TURNED ON
Dokocollector LUL CLIPPED LUL
holdmy1candle HE COOKED WTF
Justhereforuchi @blowfishaq done
The match closes out as a loss within the next ten minutes, and Sasuke tries to drown the sounds of his bickering teammates by peeking at his phone, throwing in a “gg” into the in-game chat (as his Twitch chat echoes him). His cell phone vibrates on the table, calling for his attention — which he gives gratefully, entirely too lazy to mute anybody so late into a game yet unwilling to do much other than tune it out.
Suigetsu (6:22) You are so fucking obnoxious idek why you have fans
Suigetsu (6:22) Why do you even know that werent you a Japanese history major
Suigetsu (6:27) Dont forget to mention the charity stream
Sasuke snorts quietly, hastily bashing out a reply.
Sasuke (6:28) It’s just like you to think that Japanese history majors would only know anything about Japanese history.
Sasuke (6:28) I will.
He shifts back to addressing the stream, intent on honoring his promise. “I’m sure some of you know already, but I have a charity stream coming up in a few days,” Sasuke starts, eyeing his camera. “Suigetsu keeps annoying me about it. He also wanted me to ask you guys something.”
A large burst of “MOMGETSU”’s flood into the chat, and Sasuke just has to roll his eyes.
“If I had an option for a viewer to get picked for something, what would you guys want? Just playing some games doesn’t feel like a reward for anyone except the winner, so we wanted your thoughts.”
He pipes down, observing as his chat catches up to the question. Suggestions of all kinds begin pouring in, some plausible and some — well, entirely not.
blowfishaq that actually sounds really cool
Up_thewrongtree WE LOVE YOU whatever makes you comfy sasuke!!!
FairyParty GachiHYPER SO MANY POSSIBILITIES GachiHYPER
blowfishaq force them to buy subs for everyone in chat LUL
WaviestBow6 🏮Let them interview you and we get to watch live
dbad141414 Post some dick on twitter. There’s an actual idea. Message deleted by Moderator.
00total_lurker i think just playing games with them is cool tbh
Artstal @Waviestbow6 Waiiit that’s kind of genius
LiquidSui 🏮 (Mod) @dbad141414 Warning. Dont be weird yo cmon
Sasuke filters through the messages, verbally pointing out a few and observing the feedback. He sits back in his chair, feeling it creak, and taps his fingers against the armrest in deep thought.
“So,” he says slowly. “It seems like there are a couple ideas that you guys like more than the other. Honestly, these are a lot better than what Suigetsu said. He wanted me to make out with an Overwatch cutout. I’m not saying which one.”
Guesses fill the chat, and he rolls his eyes at his viewers as even Suigetsu tries to defend himself (while dropping hints). Absolute insanity. “I’m seeing… just play games with the winner, a live Q&A, fly them — no, I’m not flying anyone out, guys, hell — let them choose a photocard theme for me to shoot? Jesus. What’re we feeling?”
WaviestBow6 🏮INTERVIEW
bogogetmefree photocard (O///O)
BAN_VALORANT interview/ q&a sounds the most interesting
Tashdragx Q AND A PogO
rookery99 do we get to help with q&a questions? a&a tho
_Backinthestr INTERVIEW INTERVIEW INTERVIEW PLEASE I’D SKIP WORK YOU NEVER TALK ABOUT YOURSELF
Sasuke snorts at the overwhelming response. “Don’t skip work, Backinthestreets. Decided, then. We’ll do a live Q&A, because you guys would probably be better at making me sound interesting than I am. It’s a little sudden, but I want there to be as much time as possible for someone to pick out questions, especially since a few of them might need to be run by me. I also need time to redraw, if they end up being weird. I’d rather not move the actual charity stream over this,” Sasuke announces. “I’ll tweet it out right now and we’ll choose from subs watching at the end of tonight. Fine?”
Echoes of agreement bleed into the chat. Satisfied, Sasuke moves on after announcing the plan on his social media, and changes the stream category to Just Chatting.
—
“Okay, that’s about it for tonight. It’s about time to pick a winner,” Sasuke declares, closing out of the singleplayer game his viewers had chosen for winding down, Shovel Knight. The response is bitter-sweet, with some lamenting the ending of the stream and others seemingly excited for the drawing. He’s sitting at a — damn, six thousand viewers, that is a lot of people. It seems like his tweet summoned fans not really planning on tuning in that day, and he wonders if this is a new record.
“Everyone ready? You all better hope this person can think of some decent questions.” Sasuke paws for filler as he scrambles to pull up the link that Suigetsu provides for him, which has already been pre-filled with eligible subscribers. He pulls the window into the stream, and for a moment he’s flabbergasted by how the lines dividing each name on the wheel are so close to each other that he can barely make out the names. Seeing a good chunk of his loyal subscribers listed out by name rather than condensed into a number is mind-boggling, even if he wouldn’t say it out loud.
“The winner is…” He hits the button to spin the wheel. His dimly lit room cycles through reds, green, blues, and yellows as the wheel comes to a creaking slow, then eventually, a full stop. The name is tiny, dear god, but Sasuke leans in and squints to make it out anyways.
“... x9Tails? Are you in here?” Sasuke waits for a response of some kind, maximizing the window.
For a few peaceful seconds, everything is calm and well.
Then he watches as his chat fucking erupts.
It’s common enough to see his viewers type in all sorts of things over giveaway winners, which he’s definitely picked for other things before. But it’s unfair to call what Sasuke watches unfold before his eyes a slight jump in messages, because his viewers are going ballistic. Completely buck-wild.
Lunar_target🏮WHAT THE FUCK
Faradke2005xx🏮???? WHAT’S HE DOING HERE
cakesoncakes VoHiYo crossover of a LIFETIME
FairyParty Is this a bit? MonkaW MonkaW
electrology🏮 HUH
Penname222 LETS GOOOOO
“What the fuck is going on, chat?” Sasuke says, slow and somewhat wary. He rereads the name in his head, trying to “Am I missing something?”
There’s not a legible answer to his question. If there is, it sweeps across the screen in such a flash that it’s impossible to read, and Sasuke fights the urge to google the name of this mystery subscriber on camera. He’s really debating it as he scrolls up and down, trying his best to keep up with all of the messages.
Then, Sasuke catches the name. It’s there and then it’s gone in a flurry, but he knows it’s somewhere . He clicks into the chat searchbar and types in what he’s looking for.
There.
x9Tails 🏮I’m here :) I’d be honored to interview you !!! (Just now)
The streamer’s heart rate picks up considerably, and he scrounges the tab for any other useful information. No other message history. Subscribed for — eight months ? Damn, that’s almost the entirety of his active streaming career. Sasuke clicks on the message to jump to it, and it’s the first time he’s been able to read his chat in the last thirty seconds or so.
x9Tails🏮I’m here :) I’d be honored to interview you !!!
cakesoncakes how do you not know him
Dae46 🏮HE’S A STREAMER KEKW
Toboko He’s a decently sized streamer. He does variety content like you.
bezique_ tv He said something!! PogO
TILLscd THIS IS CRAZY MonkaW YOU GUYS SHARE FANS YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT
“I’ll look into him,” Sasuke promises, finally finding the words. He momentarily forgets that this ‘x9Tails’ is definitely here and watching, but it’s too late for that. “...If you all like him so much.”
Choruses of “WE DO”’s and “YES” echo endlessly after that, and in true Uchiha fashion, Sasuke wonders if it’s a bad business move to end the stream here. It just feels a little… awkward now, like a moment of weakness — that the entirety of his fans are in on something that he’s not, and he makes a note to himself to pay more attention to the streaming scene.
With that resolution, he hastily closes out of the wheel window, addressing his viewers again. “...I’m going to head to bed. x9Tails, I’ll reach out to you tomorrow. Good night, everyone.”
The process of ending the stream is normal enough — it seems like his chat has mostly calmed down, and there’s a steady but much more manageable influx of goodbyes. As soon as he’s deemed it’s safe to close down his streaming software, he becomes a man with a fucking mission.
His phone chimes obnoxiously for the second time that day, but by that point, ‘x9Tails’ is already punched into Google. He scrabbles for his device blindly with his right hand, skimming titles and opening tabs for later browsing.
“What do you want,” says Sasuke, already socially drained for the day. “I’m tired as hell.”
“Be nice to your boyfriend,” Suigetsu whines, and Sasuke has to try and recall whether his friend actually received his elementary school diploma or not. Evidence points to no.
“...You’re fucking crazy. Why did you call?”
“Of course I called, dumbass. I’ve never seen your chat blow up like that ever. This could actually be really good for you, you know — coincidence of a lifetime, seriously, questions aside.”
“Do you know who that is? x9Tails?” Sasuke’s gaze passes over his Wikipedia article. Naruto Uzumaki , it reads. Age 22. Variety and video game streamer. Personal trainer. On top of the name is a digitally rendered photo of what he assumes is the man’s persona — a blond man with a lot of tails. A reference to kitsune, maybe? “Looks like he streams. Chat was saying that too.”
“I’ve heard about him,” Suigetsu admits. “Naruto, right? I didn’t realize he was such a big deal, though. I’m looking through some shit too — you guys have a decent amount of overlap, for some reason. I had no idea he watched your streams.”
“Me either, obviously.” Sasuke blinks, eyes bleary. “Overlap?”
“A good amount of his fans like you. Vice versa.”
“...Why?”
“Beats me. It looks like you guys picked up steam around the same time, though. Ask your adoring fans.”
Sasuke mutters a ‘shut up’ and continues his searching. He navigates to Naruto's links section, popping open his Youtube and Twitter. “He makes Youtube videos pretty often, too,” mumbles Sasuke. His video titles are non-obnoxious enough, which he appreciates. None of the thumbnails have his face. They seem to vary from vlogs to clips from his streams, and he notices a few videos that have to be filmed just for his channel — gimmicky things, like Q&A’s and room tours.
“Working a lot harder than you, looks like,” jabs Suigetsu, breaking Sasuke from his trance.
“I’ll kill you.”
“God, okay. You know I was kidding. It’s crazy how he’s chilled in your streams undetected until now — you think he maybe subscribed to you randomly a few months ago and forgot to unsub?”
“...Why can’t he just like my streams?”
“Because he’s so… and you’re so…”
“I’m lowering your pay.”
“You’re not paying me!”
With a smirk to himself, he tries Twitter. It was about as expected — the man tweets much more than Sasuke did, and most of them seemed to do well. Videos, clips, random thoughts and questions — he’ll take a closer look later, when he’s not as exhausted. He’s about to tell Suigetsu off for fun when his pinned tweet’s video finally loads, and…
Oh , okay, wait. Wait. What the hell. What the fuck.
Sasuke does an unashamed double take, because in the corner of this Rainbow Six stream snippet is a facecam, and in the facecam is the hottest guy he’s ever fucking witnessed with his two, naked eyes.
Holy fuck. So he does show his face online. Sasuke can’t even really focus on the video because this guy has to be pulling out all the stops to break the world record for Most Photogenic Person or something, because not a single angle manages to make him look bad. He sports a lot of things he sees in streamers, sure — blond, blue eyes, sharp jawline and nose bridge, the whole gig — but there’s something a little bit different about him, and he wonders if he’s fully white. Maybe it’s because of the low quality, but there are stripes of some kind on both sides of his cheeks that are a shade lighter than the rest of his face.
Suigetsu’s saying something to him, but he tunes it out in favor of this revelation. He scrolls down to check the replies.
Tay <3 @tlorlovesu · March 14
LMAOOO omg look at his face while he struggles 😭 walking definition of a himbo right here
3 Retweets - 1 Quote Tweet - 71 Likes
Sasuke blinks. What the fuck is a himbo? He’s about to ask Suigetsu while he rambles about something to do with numbers and donations when a yawn rips out of Sasuke, and he realizes with a full-body startle that it’s well past twelve at this point.
“Suigetsu.”
“ — And this guy is probably making decent money, ‘cause damn he’s averaging like, what, 10k? So you should — huh?”
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I’m tired.”
“Hey, asshole! Listen to what I’m saying!”
Sasuke ignores him. “Night.” Beep.
The streamer rises from his desk, stretching like a cat. Okay… so he’s hot. Really hot. So what? At least the fact that he picked someone well known would mean that there’s something on the line for this guy; way less chance he’d do something weird or creepy on stream, even if Sasuke plans to set the time difference between what he hears and what airs to be lengthier than usual. This whole thing would be for charity, and that would be it. They’d go their separate ways.
He’d take another look in the morning to make sure that there was nothing sketchy or deeply controversial about the man, confirm some things, and then reach out. But for now, Sasuke settles into his nightly activities in preparation for a good night’s sleep because he’s utterly exhausted. He makes a beeline for the bathroom after shutting down his computer, and brushes his teeth. Vacuums his room again. Finishes a small cup of chamomile tea.
But for the first time in a while, he falls asleep with something to look forward to in the morning, and thrashes around under his covers for fifteen minutes longer than his routine usually accounts for.
No one has to know that part, though.
⸻
UCHIHA @uchihatwt · 3h
Good morning everyone. What is a “himbo”?
24 Retweets - 2 Quote Tweets - 226 Likes
🌀Karin🌀 @uzmk_karin · 3h
Oh my god
2 Retweets - 0 Quote Tweets - 93 Likes