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York was as underwhelming as Thomas had been expecting. The only upside of his errand for Mrs Patmore was that he had an afternoon to clear his head. He was away from the Abbey, away from all of it, absorbed into the modest bustle of the street. The claustrophobia of the big house was beginning to take its toll as it did every so often, with the same weary routine and the same faces looking down on him.
There was still time before he had to get back and he’d taken to wandering around the town to stretch his legs in unfamiliar streets. That was how he’d heard the music.
‘Dance hall’ the sign had said and out through the doors poured a festive melody. A memory flashed in Thomas’s mind of listening to his dance records and learning the steps as diligently as he had his trade, not knowing if he’d ever get the chance to use them. It was that forgotten part of him that, after a moment's hesitation on the street, had urged to walk up the stairs and open the door.
Thomas was greeted by a lively, welcoming buzz and the immediate flurry of the dancers in the centre of the room. It took a second for him to take it all in as his gaze panned around the room.
As soon as he’d caught sight of Anna he wished he hadn’t. Apparently the Abbey couldn’t let him have any peace. She was sitting alone, nervously watching the dance floor. He could still escape out the door if he wanted. She wouldn’t want his company. Before he could make up his mind she spotted him, looking momentarily surprised and waved. With a forced smile he headed over to her.
“You look like you’re having fun,” Thomas said, taking a seat.
“Mr Barrow,” she greeted, “what are you doing here?” She looked at him for a moment before glancing back at the dancers.
“Picking up something for Mrs Patmore,” he said, drawing her attention back to him, “but I gather you’ve been up to something far more interesting.” Anna finally let her shoulders sag as she reeled off the story of Lady Rose wanting to attend the tea dance.
“Jimmy would love this.” Thomas said, thinking out loud. He felt Anna’s eyes on him and he was suddenly aware of what he’d said. His cheeks flushed and he looked away to the table to their left, trying to hide his embarrassment.
That was the problem with people you’d known for years. They knew you too. Living in the Abbey meant being exposed, especially if you’d been there as long as Thomas had. There was nowhere to hide.
“It’ll get easier,” she said in a flimsy attempt to offer comfort or whatever she had been aiming for but he felt acknowledged, which was more than what most others afforded him.
However, his friendship with Jimmy was simply that now. His feelings had finally faded away and Thomas was grateful to have someone on his side. He’d not had that for a long while.
I don’t need everybody to love me. Edna’s words played over and over in his head like a mantra. Not everyone would love him, certainly not many did, but wishful thinking was always difficult to suppress.
They didn’t say much else with Anna being too busy keeping an eye on Lady Rose as she whisked around the dance floor with her obviously smitten partner. Thomas couldn’t help but think it was sweet. He was a romantic after all, not that anyone he knew would believe it. A feeling he refused to name tugged at his heart as he turned his gaze to the other couples on the dance floor. He was always the one watching, something he’d grown accustomed to by now.
He was so captivated by the movements on the dance floor that he almost missed a man about his age approaching their table. Thomas’s stomach dropped as he realised, to his horror and delight, that he was gorgeous. Hair neatly fixed with pomade save for a bit at the front that flopped over his forehead and a smile that made Thomas want to melt into a puddle on the floor.
“Hello,” he said, nodding at Anna. “Sorry to be a bother but I think my friend came to your table and-“ he broke off when he glanced over in Thomas’s direction. The stranger’s falter lasted only for a brief moment before he cleared his throat and spoke directly to him. “Sam Thawley’s his name.” He only looked back to Anna when she pointed in the direction of where Lady Rose was dancing with a lanky young man.
“Ah, I’ve been abandoned for better company it seems,” he joked. Thomas laughed a little too loudly.
“Well you could always sit with us,” he found himself saying, masking the panic that was rising inside him. And anyway he was probably here with other friends and why on earth would he want to-
“It would be my pleasure.” Thomas tried to bite back a smile as he pulled out the chair next to Thomas. “Richard, but you can call me Dick.” That charming grin on his face and Thomas could already feel the tell-tale fluttering in his stomach. Accompanied by warning bells in his head.
“Thomas,” he said, certain that his face was frozen in some daft smitten expression. He was glad he hadn’t offered his hand because his palms had already started to sweat.
“Anna.” Her voice startled Thomas. Somehow he'd forgotten she was there.
Thomas then waited for the conversation to take the plunge into awkward silence and crush the fluttering sensation in his chest but Dick looked quickly out at the dance floor before he said, “It’s a good laugh this. Been waiting forever to go to one of these things again.”
“You enjoy a good tea dance then?”
“Don’t you?”
“I asked you first.” Thomas hoped he hadn't come across as defensive. In fact, he was genuinely curious.
“It’s just a chance to get out, you know. A few hours away from reality where it’s just music, dancing and good conversation.”
“Don’t I know that feeling.”
“I take it you’re my sort of man then,” Dick said, leaning forward on the table.
“I take it you’re a man who’s not very good at assuming things about men he’s just met,” Thomas returned. If he was younger and more foolish he might’ve thought they were flirting. But neither was he old enough to mean he couldn’t hope.
“Ok fine,” Dick said, “tell me something about yourself. What do you do?”
“I’m under-butler at Downton Abbey.”
“You don’t get many of them these days,” Dick said, nodding appreciatively.
Thomas flashed a smile. “Suppose that makes me special then.”
“I bet there are plenty of other things that make you special.” He felt the inevitable rush of heat to his face and bit the inside of his cheek as if it would help.
Thomas looked out onto the dance floor, pretending to look for Lady Rose. “What about you?” He asked, trying to turn the conversation to Dick to avoid any more comments that might make him combust.
“Actually I’m a valet.”
“To who?” Anna asked, again reminding Thomas, to his frustration, that they weren’t alone.
“King of England,” he said as if he’d just told them it was Tuesday. Thomas quashed his surprise.
“So, royal valet,” he said, trying out the words in his mouth, “what brings you away from his Highness. Not the thrills of York I assume.”
An amused look crossed Dick’s face. “Family actually, though I’m offended you think so little of me hometown.”
“Your problem, not mine.” Dick laughed at that and it made Thomas giddy.
At that point Anna got up and headed to the other side of the room with the excuse of keeping an eye on Lady Rose. Thomas didn’t deny the elation that bubbled in his chest at finally being alone with the handsome stranger.
A brief silence had lapsed over the table and he was checking his tie wasn’t crooked when Dick asked, “Not one for dancing then?” Thomas raised his eyebrows and indicated at their table. “Ok. So is there a girl?” Dick tried, making Thomas’s chest tighten. If it was out of fear or excitement, he couldn’t tell.
“No. No girl,” Thomas said, looking down at his hands resting on the table. “I actually quite enjoy dancing,” he admitted, his voice softening of its own accord. What was it about this man that made him spout nonsense like that?
“Then why on earth are you sat at this table with me?”
“Maybe I prefer it,” he quipped. Dick’s mouth curved into a smirk.
His experience was trying to beat back any thought that this, him and Dick, could be anything more than a pleasant encounter in a Yorkshire tea room. His foolish heart was trying to convince him otherwise.
Out of all the clamour of the room it was his voice he was drawn to. His thick Yorkshire accent was nothing new to him, having met plenty of Yorkshire men before but there was something incredibly distinctive about Dick’s voice. The way he talked with a slight lilt on his words, the way he commanded them so effortlessly. He could twist them so brilliantly to make Thomas’s heart beat a fraction faster as he listened to the wit roll off his tongue. It was irresistible. He thought he could listen to that voice talk about the Dowager’s bedroom experiences and still be captivated.
It certainly didn't help that he was incredibly handsome. Fair-haired with a bright, open smile. All of it just caused the fluttering in his chest to grow so he thought he’d burst.
Thomas barely clocked the commotion erupting behind them before he watched Dick swear under his breath and spring out of his chair, pushing his way onto the dance floor and quickly disappearing into the crush of people. He stood up as shouts filled the air and spotted Anna pulling Lady Rose away from two men who were grappling on the dance floor. Already the fight was escalating as more people threw themselves in. He recognised the one Dick was attempting to drag off the other man as his friend, Thawley, and his chest tightened with anxiety.
On instinct Thomas headed after him to where Anna was trying to reach Lady Rose as she pulled at the clothes of the man who had thrown himself at her dance partner. Forcing another man aside, he reached her and tugged her away from the increasing number of men grappling with each other.
“We need to go,” Anna yelled at Thomas over the clamour as someone grabbed at his arm, attempting to pull him into the fray.
“I can't leave, not when he's fighting to protect me!” Lady Rose protested, looking helplessly on at the frenzy.
“You can, or do you want to be arrested?” A shrill whistle sounded, the police apparently having heard Anna’s fears. “That’s it, let’s go.” Thomas freed himself from the stranger’s grip and hurried after Anna who had bolted for the back door with Lady Rose in tow.
It was only once they’d burst out onto the street and put some distance between themselves and the hall that Thomas realised he had no idea what had become of Dick. Had he been hurt or arrested? Having been too caught up in getting the three of them out of there, he hadn't been able to keep an eye on him.
He scanned the throngs of people running through the street but didn’t spot any fair hair the right shade. Dismay rose up inside him. Lady Rose voiced his own thoughts, insisting they went back to see if Sam was alright, Thomas feeling her guilt and desperation in tandem with his. A plan began formulating in his mind to get away to see if he could find Dick in the melee but from one look at Anna’s face he could tell it would be an argument he wouldn’t win.
Thomas spent the evening moping. Even Edna had gotten fed up with the dreary mood he’d been in ever since they’d got back from York. But his mind was on other things rather than whatever the pretentious lady’s maid thought of him.
Was Dick alright? Had he escaped unscathed? There was no sure way for Thomas to contact him to check. He knew Dick was at the Palace. He couldn’t just send a letter though, could he? It seemed too easy. What would he even say?
Hello, don’t know if you remember me but I’m that man you talked to for five minutes at a tea dance in York and I’m wondering if you escaped that fight. I only ask because I think I rather like you and I’d love to see more of you.
Thomas had to reel his thoughts in again knowing that the chances Dick even wanted to hear from him were slim. He sighed and fought the urge to bury his face in his hands where he was sitting at the table in the servant’s hall. Instead, he was reminded of his newfound ability to forget he was around other people when Jimmy next to him asked if everything was alright.
Long after the upstairs dinner, during which he was so distracted Lord Grantham had had to repeat his name several times before getting his attention, Thomas was still trying to come up with some solution to either reaching Dick or getting him out of his mind.
He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t hear the bell for the back door ring and only looked up when Jimmy said, “I’ll get that, shall I?” Thomas waved his hand at him to stay there while he hauled himself from his seat and headed for the back door.
“Yes?” he said as he opened it before registering who was standing in front of him. “Mr Thawley.” His eyes flicked to the other man.
He blinked. He blinked again.
Standing behind Thawley, looking mildly amused, was Dick himself. Thomas’s shock almost rendered him speechless.
“Mr Ellis,” he managed, trying to keep his smile under control. Before he could respond, Thawley interrupted, a blessing if ever there was one.
“I was wondering if I could have a word with the housemaid Rose.” Thomas’s eyes widened as he floundered for a response. It didn’t help that he could see Dick smirking at him over Thawley’s shoulder.
Relief flooded through him as he heard someone come up behind him. “I’ll deal with this Mr Barrow,” Anna said, a hint of panic on her face.
“Actually,” he said, trying to keep his voice even, “I was just about to step out for a cigarette.” He pulled out his pack from his pocket to prove it. She looked at him for a moment as if about to convince him otherwise, then she noticed Dick standing behind Thawley. The expression on her face shifted. Apparently having changed her mind, she left him to it, turning to face Thawley.
Thomas walked slowly away from the door, wandering over to the unlit part of the courtyard. Dick followed, hands shoved in his pockets. He looked over to check if Anna or Thawley were paying any attention to them. They weren’t. Excitement sparked in his chest.
He set about lighting his cigarette as quickly as possible to give his trembling hands something to do.
Why was Dick here? Not that he wasn’t thrilled. Heavens, he knew he was always quick to fall for men but this was just ridiculous. But Dick was sarcastic and funny and they had gotten on well immediately. Thomas scanned his body for injuries but he seemed to have escaped the brawl unscathed aside from bruised knuckles.
He imagined him throwing a punch.
Lord have mercy.
“I’m surprised you find time for a break between all your very important under-butler duties.” He was jolted from his thoughts by Dick’s voice. It was a mix of flattery and sarcasm. Whatever he was trying to do to Thomas, it was working.
“Just because I’m not valet to the King doesn’t mean I’m not good at what I do,” he said, unoffended.
“I’m sure,” Dick conceded, leaning against the wood with one leg crossed over the other, watching Thomas intently as he took another puff. Heat rose under his collar. He offered the pack out to Dick who declined with a wave of his hand.
“Glad to see you’re alright after all that.” Thomas tapped his cigarette, nervously meeting Dick’s eyes.
“Nothing I couldn’t handle.” He winked as he said that. Thomas thought he’d die then and there. In an attempt to regain some sense he flicked his cigarette in the direction of the door, where Thawley was fidgeting.
“Why’d your friend come out here?”
“Worried for that girl he’d been dancing with,” he said. “Wanted to come all the way out here to see if she was alright. It’s romantic really.”
“So why are you here?” he asked, rolling the cigarette between his fingers. Thomas wasn’t sure what spurred him on to risk asking the question that had been at the forefront of his mind ever since Dick had turned up on his doorstep like something out of the pictures.
“Worried for ‘im, of course,” Dick answered looking back over to where his friend was standing. “Shouldn’t let him go gallivanting around the countryside to the houses of aristocracy unsupervised.”
“Mm,” Thomas prompted, his heart hammering.
“And I knew I quite liked the under-butler at the particular house he was planning to visit and thought I wouldn’t pass up the chance to see him again.” Adrenaline shot through him and Dick’s boldness lent Thomas some of his own.
“I wanted to dance with you today,” he admitted. He was grateful for the dark so there was a lower chance of the flush he was sure had spread across his cheeks being too visible.
“So did I,” Dick said after a moment. The truth was out now, hanging there between them. Thomas felt like he was being filled with liquid elation that threatened to bubble over.
Dick cleared his throat and put a hand to the back of his neck. “I’m staying on a couple more days before I’ve to head back to London. I could take you out?” He raised his eyebrows and smirked. “Only round York mind, I know you’re not the biggest fan.”
“York sounds perfect,” Thomas answered hurriedly, stupidly afraid that Dick might change his mind.
“Dick,” Thawley called from across the courtyard. Instinctively, both men drew apart though it was too dark for anyone to have seen them properly at that distance. Thomas hadn’t realised how close they’d gotten. He didn’t even know if Thawley had managed to speak to Lady Rose he’d been too absorbed in his own conversation with Dick.
“That’s me.” Thomas masked his growing disappointment with a quick nod. “Meet me at the train station at seven. I’ll be seeing you, Mr Barrow.” That brought his smile back.
They were already a fair distance away when Dick turned around and gave him a two fingered salute. A moment later he was gone. Thomas mentally called himself a fool for missing him already.
He stayed outside long after they left, intending to finish off his cigarette. He’d made his way over back to the doorway and was standing there when Jimmy emerged from inside. Thomas didn’t feel that longing ache he’d used to when he was with him. He felt fondness for his friend but nothing more.
Instead he was teetering on the precipice of something new and exciting. Here was someone who genuinely seemed to want to know Thomas, the first in a long time. He wanted to cling to that feeling with every fibre of his being.
“What’s the matter with you?” Jimmy asked when he saw him. Thomas realised he must be grinning like a lunatic, his cheeks aching as evidence. He took a satisfied drag of his cigarette.
“Nothing,” he said, “Nothing at all.”
By some miracle, he had successfully persuaded Carson to let him take the next evening off. The disapproving look he got on from him was nothing he’d not seen before and absolutely worth it. When the time came he’d easily slipped out unnoticed. The less fuss the better, he thought.
They met at the train station as planned, his nerves quickly melting away as he was greeted with a warm smile. Dick had whisked him off to a pub dinner over which Thomas found himself laughing more than he had in the past few weeks. By the time they’d both finished their meals his cheeks were red and aching.
“You want another pint?” Dick asked. Thomas shook his head which was just beginning to buzz pleasantly. “Alright let's go.”
Dick stood up and put on his coat. “Where?” Thomas asked, doing the same.
“We’re onto the fun part of the evening.”
“You severely underestimate yourself if you think I wasn’t already having any fun.” Thomas wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or not causing the colour to rise in Dick’s cheeks but he decided to give himself a tiny bit of credit.
“You flatter me,” Dick said, “but I promise your night is about to get a lot more exciting.”
Thomas followed him out of the pub and onto the lamplit street. York was far quieter than it had been the previous day. It was almost peaceful, only the occasional car driving past and barely anyone else on the sidewalk.
“Do I get any clues about our destination?” Thomas asked, daring to bump his arm against Dick’s on the empty street.
“I promise the surprise will be worth it,” he said. “Plus I want to see the look on your face.” The grin on Dick’s face already felt so familiar to Thomas. It was something he wished he’d be able to see everyday.
A few minutes later they arrived at what looked like the padlocked doors of a warehouse. Dick held up a finger to Thomas, who realised he must be looking pretty sceptical, as he wrapped on the wood. The doors opened and Dick led Thomas inside, curious eyes following them as they went. It took a moment for him to process what he was seeing.
Men dancing with other men on a dance floor in the centre of the room as a band played a lively tune. Men arm in arm, leaning close and talking, their faces flushed.
“What is this place?” he asked, his awe leaking into his voice.
“Oh, you know. Music, dancing, good conversation.” Dick was watching Thomas with a delighted expression as he took it all in, shaking his head in disbelief.
Only yesterday he was mourning how he’d never be able to dance like the men and women did at the tea dance. But there was no secrecy among the men in this room, only implicit trust amongst strangers.
Or perhaps they weren’t so strange after all. They had one thing that bound them together. There was an inimitable sense of joy and comfort in that which Thomas had never known. He relished the elation that bloomed in his chest as he watched men take each other’s hands so confidently, so freely. There was no fear on the faces of the two men to his right after they shared a kiss. Laughter and good-humoured chatter accompanied the jubilant music and Thomas knew for certain that he belonged.
“Come on, I want to dance with you,” Dick said, reaching for his hand and with those words Thomas was gone all over again.
He’d never danced with a man before. He’d never know the delight of being whirled around the dance floor hand in hand with another man. There was a firm arm wrapped around his waist and they constantly switched who was leading. It was nice to be wanted, to feel seen. The thought crossed his mind more than once that he never wanted this night to end.
When they eventually took a break, hair flopping over their faces and shirt sleeves rolled up, Dick led him out back for a smoke. They shared a cigarette as they leant against the wall, thankful for the cool night air and Thomas enjoying the moreish bliss that had settled itself under his skin.
“What?” he asked when he caught Dick watching him. He smiled softly and placed a hand on Thomas’s cheek, his eyes searching for permission. Thomas felt his mouth drop open slightly before leaning in to close the gap between them.
They were tipsy and the kiss was clumsy, their noses bumping together, but god it was wonderful. Thomas pulled away reluctantly, keeping his free hand resting on Dick’s shoulder.
“Well Mr Ellis, you certainly don’t waste any time,” Thomas commented in an attempt to appear less flustered than he felt. Somehow the cigarette was still gripped between his trembling fingers.
“I don’t like to pass up the chance to kiss a handsome man when I meet one.” Thomas melted inside as if he wasn’t already struggling to hold himself together because of how giddy he was. Dick was too good with his words and Thomas was torn between loving and hating the way it made him fall to pieces.
He took a small step back, clearing his throat and to Thomas they were already too far apart. Knowing now what it was like to kiss Dick, he couldn’t help but want those lips back on his.
“I know I’m back to London tomorrow, but I’m hoping we can keep in touch.” Dick faltered, suddenly shy. “That is, if you want to, I know we’ve only just met but I really-“
“I’d like that,” Thomas interrupted, grinning at his sudden awkwardness. Not as smooth as he liked to believe, he thought fondly.
Dick bobbed his head. “Good, good. Okay.” He cleared his throat again.
Thomas smiled down at the ground and put out his cigarette under his foot. He offered out his hand.
“Tomorrow’s still a while away. You’ve got time for another dance I believe.”
Dick’s hand slipped eagerly into his as the wide grin returned to his face.
“Lead the way.”