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“What if his name was Steve?”
Natasha’s tone had a teasing lilt she hoped covered the sliver of guilt threatening to slip through her words. She hadn’t told Peggy what Fury suspected they might find hidden in the depths of the cargo ship and the knowledge had begun to feel like a betrayal of trust, something that had never bothered her previously.
Natasha had broken her number one rule: she had feelings for a teammate. It was so obvious that Clint figured it out over the holidays at the farm, teasing her mercilessly after dinner one night until Laura had given him A Look. Natasha preferred the teasing to the gentle understanding that followed. She’d never thought she could feel the depth of love toward someone that she did Peggy. Familial, yes, to an extent. Romantic? Hardly.
If she were going to fall for anyone, she expected it to be Clint or Bruce, but she’d never felt that way toward either of them.
Trying to set Peggy up helped Natasha maintain distance. Peggy was too good for her, too pure, too wholesome, and possibly straight. Natasha ignored her growing emotions in hopes they would fade, but they grew aggressively the more she tried to deny their existence. Peggy didn’t help, either; she hadn’t shown any interest in the options Natasha pushed at her and hadn’t mentioned a preference for specific genders. She simply shut Natasha down each time and moved on.
Peggy's wink before she dove out of the plane did nothing to ease the turmoil churning in Natasha’s gut. She didn’t know whether she wanted the intel to pan out or not, but it didn’t matter as Peggy’s voice came over the earpiece, letting the team know she was clearing the deck. Natasha yanked on her own chute, tightened the straps, and counted down until the plane was in position, then jumped.
***
Peggy looked around the pub one last time, gaze catching on the yellowed photo of herself and Steve on the wall. She turned to the Watcher.
“Haven’t I earned my happy ending?”
The Watcher’s voice was gentle but firm. “Trust me. That world, that time, needs Captain Carter.”
Peggy looked at the other Natasha, with her short, dirty red hair and familiar piercing blue eyes, and thought of the Natasha waiting for her to finish clearing the deck of a cargo ship for their mission.
Natasha spoke frankly. “I’m only saying this because everyone I care about is gone and I want to be selfish, even if it’s on behalf of an alternate version of myself. If we’re as close as you say we are, there’s a chance I need you more than I’ll ever let on. The people close to me get hurt, and I’m scared I’m going to be the one that causes their pain.”
Peggy searched her expression before she darted forward and pulled Natasha into a quick, firm hug. Natasha gave her a nod when Peggy released her, and Peggy straightened her shoulders, turned, and stepped through the doorway.
Back on the boat, Peggy was immediately distracted by the fight. Natasha joined the fight shortly after and Peggy couldn’t help but draw her into a hug that lingered, ignoring Natasha’s immediate deflection until they had a chance to speak after the mission. A few minutes later found Peggy staring at a familiar shape inside a shipping container, a conflicting mess of emotion welling in her because Nat’s words come back to her then, as if from a dream or distant memory: what if his name was Steve?
She felt a tiny surge of anger because she thought she and Widow shared the important things, and this was huge--
But they had to finish taking control of the ship first.
Peggy waited until the ship was theirs, crew in place to get the shipping container that doubled as a cryo chamber airlifted, before she cornered Natasha and demanded to know why she’d withheld intel.
Natasha didn’t exactly fidget, but she didn’t meet Peggy’s eyes, either. “The information could have been wrong, he could have been a trap. I didn’t want to give you hope.”
Peggy still felt cheated. “You should have told me.”
Natasha looked admonished and turned away. Footsteps sounded in the distance, growing closer.
“Sounds like backup is on deck,” Natasha said, voice blank.
Peggy was full of tangled emotions but she swallowed everything down to help with rescue because it was Steve.
***
Peggy didn’t leave Steve’s side as the scientists worked out the safest way to bring him out of cryosleep. They talked about the dethawing process and the temperature his internal organs would need to reach for the correct blood viscosity before they could restart his heart and--
Peggy was terrified. She tried not to show it. Natasha showed up after debriefing, took her hand, and squeezed it.
***
Natasha stayed by Peggy’s side until Steve woke up. Once tests confirmed he was as healthy as he was when he was initially frozen, he was allowed visitors and Peggy went to him.
Natasha called Fury when she left the hospital and took personal leave for six months. She paid her bills in advance, trashed her phone and burners, and headed to South America. On the way, she decided she would start with the beaches on the west coast and follow the coastline to the other side of the continent.
***
Peggy didn’t dwell on Nat’s disappearance as she helped Steve with physical therapy and one subject she was intimately familiar with: relearning life after 70 years. They bonded over shared frustrations and shared awe of modern technological advances, including cellular phones and the internet. Peggy told him about the things Natasha had to explain to her--she talked about Natasha more than expected because Natasha had been by her side for months, showing her the ropes as she acclimated to her new life and helped with training, then missions. Peggy hadn’t thought much about how their closeness might have been perceived by outsiders.
Steve caught on before Peggy. “You love her,” he interrupted when Peggy was mid-sentence, telling him about meeting gods that were technically aliens.
Peggy froze. “I beg your pardon?”
“Natasha. Agent Romanov.” Steve didn’t look upset as he smiled gently. “It’s the way you talk about her. Kind of like the way I talk about...”
“Bucky.” Peggy had noticed how his features softened and his voice took a peculiar tone when he talked about his pal, but she hadn’t been sure Steve was aware.
Steve nodded. “If I had a chance to see him again... I wouldn’t let him go, Peg.”
“You’re not just trying to get me to leave you in peace?” Peggy teased, but it fell flat.
Steve shook his head. “I would enjoy that dancing lesson, but maybe you should teach me how to use those dance moves to woo others.”
Something tight in Peggy's chest loosened. “I’d like that.”
***
Natasha enjoyed some of the beaches in Colombia and Ecuador, but the South Pacific wasn’t her favorite ocean. The Andes began to spike up in Peru, some of the beaches rocky, others tucked between rocky outcroppings along the coastline. Chile was rockier and cold but the coastline between cities was undisturbed and serene.
After three months, she hopped on a tour of the entire Tierra del Fuego archipelago, including a visit to the southernmost point of Chile. She stood at the Cape Horn Memorial as the wind buffeted her jacket and hair, looked over the wild, untamed waters that battered the island, and wondered what Peggy would have thought of the view.
***
Fury wouldn’t budge when Peggy contacted him on the phone about Natasha’s whereabouts.
“If I were prone to irrational outbursts, I’d track you down and brandish my shield,” Peggy informed him. “It’s been over three months.”
He laughed, the sound deep and rich. “Why did you contact me, Captain Carter?”
“Natasha trusts you,” Peggy’s answer was immediate.
“And that’s why I’ll never betray her confidence.”
Peggy blew out a breath, frustrated. “I need to find her, Nick. I’m afraid she’s got the wrong idea about something important.”
“Who do you know that has access to global networks they may occasionally exploit for personal gain?”
Peggy’s eyes widened. “Stark.”
***
The beaches of Argentina were pristine with glittering white sand. Natasha didn’t stay in Uruguay long; a mission had gone wrong there once and she didn’t want to risk running into anyone that may have recognized her.
Natasha was tanning on the only nude beach in Brazil, just outside Rio de Janeiro, face down and topless on a soft towel, ocean surf crashing closer and closer as the tide came in, when a shadow fell across her. Natasha knew without looking that Peggy had found her.
“Peggy, how nice of you to join me. The Brazilian coastline is beautiful, though I am partial to some beaches I discovered along the Chilean coast.” Natasha didn’t look up.
“Natasha.” Peggy’s voice was soft and understanding. Natasha bristled. She didn’t want to have the inevitable conversation with Peggy; Natasha knew how Peggy felt about Steve. Wasn’t that enough? Couldn’t they leave the rest alone?
...but if Steve was as astute as Peggy claimed he was, there was no way he didn’t pick up on Nat’s affection for Peggy when Peggy talked about their friendship, even if Peggy herself had been oblivious. Of course Peggy had to track her down to let her down easy, because Peggy couldn’t leave well enough alone. Natasha admired Peggy's affinity for thoroughness just as much as she was frustrated by the idea of the impending conversation.
“We need to talk,” Peggy continued when Natasha said nothing. Four words no one ever wanted to hear.
Natasha mentally steeled herself and rolled over. Peggy was wearing a full-body bathing suit and she averted her eyes immediately. Natasha couldn’t help her tiny smirk. She had intended to cover up, but a tiny, spiteful part of her didn’t want to make it easier on Peggy, so she sat up, drew her shoulders back, and did nothing about her perky breasts on full display.
“Well?” Natasha finally prompted when Peggy didn’t look at her or continue. “You came all this way just to stand there?”
Peggy glanced down, cheeks brightening at Nat’s topless form, but she set her chin and met her eyes as she sank down in the sand next to Nat. Never one to pull punches, Peggy asked, “Why did you leave after Steve woke up?”
Ouch, Natasha thought. “I was overdue for a vacation and I wanted to explore the South American coastline.”
Peggy’s eyes narrowed.
Natasha blew out a sharp breath. “I wanted to give you time to get reacquainted. I imagine you had a lot to catch up on.”
“We did, about how our lives progressed after we grieved each other. Steve fell in love with his best friend, Bucky, before the HYDRA Stomper went down.” Peggy looked at the crashing waves as she spoke. She didn’t sound or look sad, her words steady. “He’s coming to terms with being alive 70 years into the future. I was able to help with that somewhat, but his future is up to him. The irony is that we both found someone else, but now he has to move forward without Bucky.”
Nat’s heart rate quickened. There was no way Peggy could mean--
Peggy gave Natasha a meaningful look. “I didn’t get to tell you about what happened that day. Everything moved so quickly once we found Steve.” Natasha listened while Peggy talked about the multiverse, Ultron, the other heroes, the other Nat--
“She had words of wisdom for me before I left.” Natasha watched carefully as Peggy reached for her, gently touching Nat’s cheek and tracing her fingertips down Nat’s jawline, to her neck. “Would you like to know why I was never interested in pursuing the people you tried to set me up with?”
“None of them could compare to the love of your life that you lost 70 years ago?” Natasha quipped though there was no real humor behind the words, her voice quiet as Peggy’s fingers drifted away from her skin to draw idle patterns in the sand between them.
Peggy’s eyes were bright when she responded. “No, Natasha. I wasn’t interested in them. I was interested in you. I wanted to spend my free time with you. Steve is back--but I’ve already mourned him and that part of my life. Steve mourned me, too, after I disappeared into the portal. Both of us have a chance at a new life in the future, but it won’t be with each other.” She swallowed. “Natasha, you are more than just a BFF to me.”
Natasha dug her fingers into the sand and tried to ignore the hope swelling in her chest. “Peggy...”
“I think I’m falling in love with you. And,” Peggy pushed on as Nat’s eyes widened, “you know what else I think?” Natasha didn’t trust herself to speak. She waited for Peggy to continue. “I think you tried to keep distance between us by sending me on dates, but it never worked because I didn’t want to date them. And you didn’t really want me to date them, either, did you? But it was easier to push me toward happiness with someone else than risk that vulnerability with me.” Peggy looked away then. “This is the second time I thought our friendship was deeper than that.”
“You’re right.” Natasha crossed her arms as she spoke, the tiny bit of modesty comforting as she bared her soul. “I didn’t want to risk losing your friendship. I’m damaged goods, Peggy. I don’t deserve you.”
“That’s ridiculous. First, you are one of the strongest individuals I have had the pleasure of knowing. Second, you don’t get to decide what I deserve. I would consider myself lucky to be the recipient of your love, of having the privilege to love you in return.”
“You really mean that.” There was a note of wonder in Natasha's voice.
“Yes, I do.” Peggy’s response was confident and sure, as determined as her expression. “If you want to finish your vacation alone, I’ll go. I only request that you keep in touch.”
“Or,” Natasha placed one hand on top of Peggy’s in the sand, “you could stay. I have a few more weeks, I was making my way up the coast. We could hop on a boat in Rio and head toward North America.”
“This is my first time visiting South America,” Peggy admitted, “and I think Fury is aware I won’t be back until your leave is over. Want company?”
Natasha would never tire of Peggy's company. They hiked up the coast, stumbled upon a drug cartel terrorizing a village in the Amazon, and spent a few days clearing it out. In the middle of a firefight in the thick of the jungle, pouring sweat and being eaten alive by mosquitos, Peggy kissed her as the shield pinged from one cartel member to another before flying back toward Peggy. Nat’s lip was busted and bleeding, a gun in each hand, but she kissed back fiercely.
It was everything she’d never let herself hope for and so much more.
***