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That night they make out until Chan’s lips become all tingly.
Whenever his brain tries to meddle and ruin it for him, Felix seems to get a sixth sense about it and he scratches Chan’s scalp lightly, forcing any negative thoughts away. Chan feels a little silly, but he likes it. They find a good rhythm and he wants to stay here forever. Lick into Felix’s mouth and hold him close.
Felix pulls back and Chan has to blink a few times to get him back in focus. His brain feels like mush. Felix smiles and leans in, kissing the tip of Chan’s nose. “I love your nose.”
Chan will never be able to take that compliment and not assume the person is saying it just because they know it’s an insecurity of his and they’re trying to make him feel better. He’s not gonna start that whole conversation though, so he strokes Felix’s cheek with his thumb. “I love your freckles.”
It earns him an eye roll. “Yeah. I know.” Felix nuzzles into his touch. “I love them now too.”
That spreads warmth through Chan’s chest. “Good. You should.”
“I love your hands.” Felix’s fingers wrap around Chan’s wrist and he turns his head to press a gentle kiss on his palm.
“My hands?”
“Mhm.”
“Love your ears.” With that, he lets his hand wander until he can get Felix’s earlobe between his fingers and rub gently, just on the side of ticklish.
“They’re sensitiveeee.” Felix whines but he’s giggling and he’s squirming a little yet not pulling away.
“I know.” Chan grins at him. “Cute.”
“I love your body.” He squeezes Chan’s bicep. With an embarrassed noise, Chan buries his face in Felix’s neck. “You blush so easily, it’s so cute.”
“Shut up.”
“Mmmmm, make me.”
Chan does. Gently, though. He starts with small kisses on Felix’s neck, climbing his way up, up, up. Felix’s jawline and his chin and his cheeks. Felix’s lips. Still feels unreal. He ends up kissing Felix’s teeth with how much he’s smiling and that feels unreal too. And really fucking good.
“Oh this is… an amazing tactic… if this is how you’re… you’re gonna…” Felix mumbles between every kiss. “Shut me up… ‘m gonna… talk a bunch from now on.”
Chan’s cheeks hurt from how much he’s smiling. He’s still waiting for the other shoe to drop, to wake up. There is no way he gets to have this. Felix, happy and pouty and all melted in his bed? For him? For Chan, of all people? If he thinks about it too much, he’ll start to hyperventilate.
Chan leans forward and Felix rolls on his back, hair spilling around his head. He’s so perfect he doesn’t feel real half of the time. Chan smiles at him again and Felix smiles back, tilting his head up for another kiss. Apparently, this is a thing now. Felix asking for kisses and Chan providing them. It’s a thing.
He holds him by the nape and kisses him deep. Tongue and all because that’s also a thing. In the span of half an hour Chan has gone from not having his first kiss to knowing how to make out with someone. Not someone, Felix. Felix lets him in, beautifully responsive. Then he makes a noise. Small one, in the back of his throat, muffled by Chan’s mouth. Still, it has Chan’s dick twitching against Felix’s thigh.
They both pull back and stare at each other. Chan feels all the euphoria drain from his body, replaced with dread. “Oh.” Felix says and Chan barely hears him over the beating of his own heart. His hand slides from Chan’s shoulder to his waist. “Do you wanna…?”
Chan scoots away a little on the bed and hopes Felix doesn’t take it as a rejection. Just so much that their lower bodies aren’t pressed together. He swallows but his throat is too dry. “Ummm.” He starts eloquently. “I mean—we can, you know. I mean. I could get you off? Touch you?” Felix’s thumb draws small circles on his bare skin. “If you—if you want? That? I mean, I’m probably gonna be bad at it.” He cringes at himself which results in a nervous chuckle. “I shouldn’t have said that. Not that it’s not true but it’s not sexy, but you know that I—“
“Hyung.” Felix’s voice is painfully soft when he cuts him off. The hand leaves Chan’s waist and comes to hold his face. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”
“Right. Yes. I know.”
“It was just a suggestion. A light one. We don’t have to. Also, for the record, I was gonna offer to get you off. Also for the record, whenever it happens, it’s gonna be amazing because it’s with you. If it happens. Honestly, I would be fine with us never having sex, if that’s what you wanted.”
“Okay, that’s sweet, but—“
“Nope.” Felix smiles and kisses Chan so quickly it takes him a second to register it. “I decided. I know it.” He takes Chan’s hand between both of his own. “We can take it really slow.”
“We don’t have to, though. If you don’t want to.”
“I want to. I want to take it slow. Is that okay?”
Chan feels a little like a child. Felix isn’t using a patronizing tone, but it’s obvious he’s saying this for Chan’s benefit. Still, he exhales and nods. “Yeah. Of course. Anything you want it okay.”
Another patient smile. “Anything you want is okay too.”
Chan doesn’t even know what he wants and yet he knows that’s simply not true.
“Come here.” Felix pulls him back in, chin resting on top of Chan’s head. “Come here, you’re so good.”
“I’m not.” He sighs into Felix’s shirt.
“You’re perfect.”
Chan’s chest feels too tight. He doesn’t know how to explain anything that’s going on in his head. “It’s just… you know. It’s a little… overwhelming? I guess? All of these feelings and just… you liking me back, so I think I’m still processing all that and that’s why… Yeah. Okay. I’m gonna stop talking now.”
“I like it when you talk.” There’s a kiss pressed to his forehead. “I like it when you tell me what you’re thinking about. But you also don’t have to explain to me why you don’t wanna do anything sexual literally less than an hour after we confessed, hyung.”
Chan nods. “Right. Yes.”
Felix wraps a leg around Chan’s waist and flips them over so Chan is on his back. Straddles his stomach but doesn’t put any weight on him. Cups both of his cheeks and beams down at him with the power of a thousand suns. “I love you so much. We could live for a hundred more years and I would never be able to explain to you what you mean to me. You make me so happy.”
Chan blinks up at him. Blinks again. Felix is a little blurry. “Okay, not gonna lie, really didn’t expect me to be the one who tears up here.”
Felix kisses both of his eyelids. “It’s okay. Anything is okay. It’s just us, you know?”
He takes Felix’s hand and inhales deeply. Holds it in for a few seconds. “Just us. I like the sound of that.”
“I like you.”
“I like you too.”
“Am I still good to sleep here?”
“Of course.” Chan never wants them to sleep apart again in their lives.
“Awesome. I’m just gonna get some water and I’ll be right back. Okay?”
He props himself up on his elbows and holds Felix’s neck, feeling his pulse. “Hurry up.”
Felix rolls his eyes but he’s blushing a little as he leaves Chan’s bed.
That could have gone… better. Right? Right. But it also could have gone a lot worse, he supposes. To the kitchen and back is not enough time for Felix to change his mind and take everything back. Chan is just panicking. It’s fine.
He allows himself a moment of pure joy where he celebrates the fact that all of that just happened by burying his face in the pillow and squealing quietly, swinging his feet in the air. Felix likes him back. Felix loves him back.
Chan still managed to make it a little awkward at the end there. The thing is – sex and Felix exist as separate entities in his mind. He never allows them to overlap. Several times Felix has popped into his head while Chan was touching himself and each time he’d pull mental gymnastics to get him out of there.
If thinking about Felix romantically is something his brain deemed weird, thinking about him sexually is downright sinful. Forbidden. Disgusting.
He’s not sure why. He doesn’t find Felix disgusting. Far from it. It’s just that… seeing him in that light makes Chan feel like he’s dirtying him somehow. Disrespecting him in a way. Hurting him. It’s definitely something he should discuss with a therapist, he thinks.
Felix has been given to him for keeping when he was a kid. Maybe not in the literal sense, but that’s how Chan took it. He thinks of all the kids as something he should protect, but with Felix that has always been intensified. Chan felt as if Felix’s mother herself told him to keep her boy safe. Felix was the only one who crossed an ocean for this dream, left his family and a whole life behind hoping to build a new one here. Chan felt a crushing sense of responsibility on his back.
As years went on and Felix grew up, grew into himself more and more with each passing day, the weight lifted a little. Only a little, though. When he realized he loves Felix as more than a friend, more than a cute dongsaeng, the guilt came biting. Chan has always felt like his love is something that could do Felix more harm than good. Taint him. Like Chan would taint him if he loved him in all the ways he craved.
With the new development of his feeling being returned, it’s definitely something he’ll have to work on. Not right now, though. Right now Felix is back in their room, offering Chan the half empty water bottle. He skips to his phone to set an alarm and then puts Chan’s to charge before he’s climbing back up. The sight still feels unreal.
Felix shuffles around, bringing the duvet up to their waists and scrunches his nose at Chan when they lie face to face again.
“Oh, where’s hyung? I just now realized he’s not here.” Felix giggles, looking a little bashful.
“Oh.” Chan laughs too and palms his face. “Gosh. Okay. Before, when you were sleeping, he came in and… saw us. I mean, we weren’t even doing anything, I wasn’t even doing anything! But he just smirked and said he’ll go.”
Felix’s laugh melts away Chan’s anxiety. “Oh, that’s because hyung knows!”
“Knows? Knows what?”
“That I like you.” Felix is still finding this funny, which is a good thing. Maybe Chan can see it that way too. “He knows how I feel about you and that it’s one of the reasons why I never, you know. Why I’m not as obnoxiously physical with you like with them. So he either guessed I finally confessed or probably hoped I will. Or something.”
Chan feels a weird lightness in his chest. So every time he imagined Felix admitting his crush to Changbin, they were probably talking about how much he likes Chan instead.
“Oh wow.”
“Yeah.” Felix smiles. He strokes Chan’s cheek. “So who knows about you? Who was your poor confidant?”
“Ah. Haha. Um, no one?”
Chan could never bring himself to talk about his feeling for Felix with any of the members. He always imagined this specific look of disgust on their faces. Loving Felix for him meant letting them all down as a leader and hyung. Jeopardizing everything they’ve worked so hard for since day one. Making everyone see the real him and how his greed clouds the selflessness he desperately tries to portray.
“Oh, hyung.” When Chan looks at Felix, he looks sad for him. “Of course. Why am I even surprised? Come here.”
So Chan goes. He will always go to Felix’s arms, as long as he’ll have him. He fits himself in Felix’s neck, relaxing his muscles. “So who do you wanna tell now? You know, since it’s not the end of the world that you like me? And no one will hang you for it. Who are we telling we’re boy…friends?” Felix’s voice breaks on the last word and Chan pulls back to look at him. “I mean, we are boyfriends, right?”
With a giddy smile, he takes Felix’s hand between his own, kisses his knuckles and makes sure to look him right in the eyes. “Lee Felix, will you do me the honors of being my boyfriend?”
Someone else might laugh at him and call him a dork, but Felix is his soulmate, so he just blushes, squeezes Chan’s hands back and nods. “Bang Chan, I’d love nothing more.”
They kiss again. Chan plays with Felix’s hair. “Who do you wanna tell, baby?” the word rolls off his tongue naturally, like it’s something he was always supposed to call him.
“Okay. So. My family. Just my parents and sisters. They won’t tell anyone. But I want them to know. And the members. And… that’s it? I think? I dunno. For now, at least. Definitely no one at the company. We’ll be careful, I know we can pull it off.”
“Seems like you gave it a lot of thought.”
“I knew you would worry about it.” Felix tells him, bumping their noses together. “I worry too. But it’s okay. I know we can manage, together.”
Chan giggles and decides that it’s definitely worth a try if the payoff is having Felix look at him like this. “Okay. You’re right. So, your family, my family and the members. That sounds good to me.”
“Okay, boyfriend.”
Chan doesn’t know how well he’ll do with this new role. He’s never been a boyfriend before. Felix deserves the best one, so he’ll make sure to get as close to it as possible.
“Can I hold you?” Felix asks.
They turn around until Chan is on his other side, looking at the wall. Felix glues himself to his back, leg and arm thrown over him, a hot kiss pressed to Chan’s shoulder. Chan exhales.
//
They tell everyone and the world doesn’t end. Who would have thought? Changbin screams and spins Felix around and then spins Chan around, squeezing him so tight it hurts. Chan goes on a rant about how he promises this won’t affect the team’s dynamic and how he’ll make sure they keep themselves in check when there are cameras until Felix squeezes his hand and he shuts up. Everyone assures him they know and they’re not worried in the slightest, because he’s the best leader. All of them hug him and he feels a little like crying.
Later, Jisung pulls him away, before they all order food because Minho said they need to celebrate. Less their relationship and more the fact that the others don’t have to witness so much sad pining anymore, he says.
“Hyung, why didn’t you tell any of us?” he says gently. “I mean, I knew, or I always assumed, but I didn’t wanna push you to talk about it. Should I have pushed you? It must have been so lonely. You know you can talk to me about anything.”
Chan doesn’t know how to put everything into words, so he just shrugs and laughs a little. “I dunno. Just. It was fine. I was dealing with it on my own.”
“Yeah, I know.” Jisung rolls his eyes. “I’m telling you not to do that anymore. Come here.” he wraps his arms around Chan’s shoulders. “You deserve all the best things in the world. And Felix is definitely one of them. I’m so happy for you.”
Chan allows himself a few tears there, in their bathroom, in Jisung’s arms.
//
Life continues. Nothing changes and everything does. He’s still himself, still makes music, still overworks himself. Felix is still Felix, his friend, his colleague and now his boyfriend. All of those things at once and so far the roles don’t seem to be causing trouble between themselves.
What’s new is that now he can kiss Felix (almost) whenever he wants, he gets to sleep next to him basically every night and everyone teases him so much when they notice how he looks at him.
What’s also new is Felix slipping in their studio and in Chan’s lap when he’s by himself and it’s definitely too late for him to still be awake.
“Hey.” He says, wrapping both legs around Chan’s waist and arms around his shoulders, burying his face in Chan’s neck.
Chan thinks it should be studied how physical touch from Felix seems to heal any pain he was suffering before, drain all the tension from his body. He giggles and kisses his cheek.
“Hey. Whatcha doing here?”
“I’m using my boyfriend privileges.” Felix takes one of Chan’s hands away from his laptop and brings it to his own back.
“Baby. I’m not done yet.”
He hates denying him anything, but traces of his stubbornness still cling to him. They’re difficult to shake off.
“How’s it going?”
No use in lying. “Shitty.” He admits with a defeated breath leaving him. “I think I’m stuck.”
“I think you’re stuck too.” Felix sits up straighter on his lap and brings both Chan’s hands to his waist. “Which is why you’ll come back home with me now. I have a car waiting for us downstairs. And freshly baked cookies. They’re actually still warm, they’ll be delicious if you really hurry up.” Chan groans and throws his head back on his chair, spinning it around a little bit. “Chris. I’ve barely seen you all week.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t need you to be sorry. I need you to listen to me.”
This is new too. Felix forcing Chan to pace himself. And Chan doesn’t hate it, surprisingly. It’s nice to be dotted on like this, to have Felix be so fed up with his bullshit he gets dressed in the middle of the night to come pick him up and drag him back home.
Chan promised himself he’s gonna be the best boyfriend he could possibly be for Felix, so.
“Okay.” He nods, stroking Felix’s cheek. “Okay, yeah. We’ll go home.”
Felix smiles triumphantly. “Aaaand wife of the year award goes to me.”
Chan leans forward to save his work and turn off his laptop, put it in a bag. “Dunno about wife of the year. But definitely boyfriend of the year.”
Felix just giggles and kisses him.
//
Chan wakes up in bits and pieces. There’s something warm in his arms, as it always is lately and he snuggles into it more. Not something. Someone. Not someone, Felix. Right. He’s so warm and lovely and soft. He’s perfect. Chan buries his face between Felix’s shoulders and squeezes him tighter.
It takes him longer than he’d like to realize he’s hard. And pressing against Felix’s ass. He’s suddenly wide awake, twitching away.
“Shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Felix whispers and he sounds like he’s giggling a little bit. He holds Chan’s arm that’s wrapped around his chest and kisses his bicep. “Wait, just a second.” Leaning forward, he hangs his head over the edge of the bed to check the bottom bunk. “Okay, yeah. Changbin hyung isn’t here. I thought I heard him before, I think he’s at the gym.”
“Sorry.” Chan says, voice rough.
“It’s okay. Nothing to be sorry for. Can I turn around?”
“Yeah.”
So Felix does, with a majestic smile on his face. He kisses Chan’s hand. “Good morning.”
“Good morning.”
It’s been several weeks since they got together. Not that he’s strictly keeping track or anything. After he assured Felix he does want sex in their relationship, he just needs a little time, Felix told him he understands and repeated they’ll take it slow. They’ve been making out a lot and Chan feels like he goes to haven every time, but nothing more than that. He often finds himself thinking about that alternate version of them where they lead a normal life. That Chan and Felix have probably had sex by now because that Chan is not mentally blocking himself from seeing his boyfriend as a sexual being, because he’s not weird.
“Okay. Few options.” Felix grins at him and Chan nods to show he’s listening. He can’t name all the feelings coiling in his stomach right now but he definitely recognizes anxiety and a little bit of excitement. “Do you want me to leave so you can take care of that?”
Chan takes a second to think about it. “No.”
“Okay. We can just go back to sleep? Or make out. We don’t have to do anything else. Just tell me what you want and we’ll do it.”
What Chan wants. He struggles so much with defining it and then aligning those wants with what he deserves. What he’s allowed to take. But he’s tired of self sabotaging, of holding himself back and scolding himself any time he sees a silver of skin on Felix’s tummy. Felix deserves a boyfriend who shows him how desired he is and maybe Chan deserves to let himself have something too, finally.
He swallows. “I, um. I don’t wanna do any of those.”
“Yeah?” Felix’s eyes shine with excitement.
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Yeah. Can I kiss you?”
Kissing is nice. It’s easy. Familiar at this point, but not in a boring way. A secured way. He’s good at kissing, he thinks. Felix is definitely good at it. They’re good together. They fit perfectly. Felix holds him by the nape and takes initiative.
That’s good too. Far from what Chan planned or imagined their first time would be like, but it’s fine. He always envisioned it as him leading Felix and assuring him that everything is okay, because it’s what he does. It’s what he knows how to do. Being on the receiving end? Not so much.
But it’s Felix and he always says it’s just them. They’re both in the same boat of inexperience, Chan doesn’t even know what he could possibly teach Felix in that hypothetical scenario anyway. So he lets it die and lets Felix lick into his mouth.
Felix’s hand trails down, lower, over his naked torso. He touches Chan’s chest, then his stomach. All of Chan’s muscles tense, making Felix smile into their kiss. Lower, even more, until he’s hovering above Chan’s crotch.
“Is it okay to touch you here?”
Felix’s voice is so deep and… almost sensual. But he’s not putting it on, he’s not playing it up. He just speaks normally, so maybe it’s just Chan’s brain interpreting it that way since he’s already so fucking turned on. He’s still hard. Just that one sentence has him making a small sound between their mouths.
“Yes.”
Chan sees the ironic divide between his on stage persona and just himself. He wishes he knew how to incorporate the person who pulls his shirt up to show abs, bites his lip and makes suggestive comments when he’s with his boyfriend. You learn those things. You have fun with them. But this is real and all Chan is left with is his eagerness and shyness when Felix touches him over his shorts.
He sighs and bucks forward immediately, which has Felix smiling against his mouth.
Chan is painfully aware that it’s not his own hand touching him. Felix is gentle, he cups his dick and then barely squeezes. Feels him up, figures out what to do. Scoots closer.
“Hyung.” Chan keeps his eyes closed, sure his whole face is bright red at this point. “You feel big.”
“I, uh. Yeah. I mean? I guess. Kinda. Haha.”
There was definitely a sexier response to that, but Felix doesn’t let him overthink as he starts stroking him. Chan feels like a puddle. Felix’s nose nudges against his cheek, lips on lips, hot breath on Chan’s skin.
“Do you ever think of me?” he asks.
The answer is obvious. Chan always thinks of Felix. But he doesn’t wanna play dumb right now, he knows what Felix means.
“It’s okay if you don’t.” Felix continues, gentle, always so gentle and nice and patient with him. “But it’s okay if you do, as well. Anything is okay, I promise.”
He wants to lie but knows he’ll be bad at it and guilty for even attempting. Felix doesn’t deserve a lie, even if he would probably prefer it in this case. “I don’t.” he whispers. “But. But, not because I don’t want to. I do. I really do. You’re so… you, y’know? Everything about you, just. It’s me, haha. That’s, um. Blocking me. A little.”
“It’s okay.” Felix’s hand is soft on his cheek. “I understand, it’s okay. I can help you get out of that… headspace?” Chan opens his eyes to look at him. Felix’s hand travels to his hip, leaving him to twitch in his underwear. “It’s okay to want me. I promise. I want you so much.”
He nods immediately. “I know. I know. I want you too. So much. It’s crazy how much. It scares me a little. I want you, like, in any way, y’know? In every way. I really do.”
“Then you can have me.”
Felix’s touch is back on him and Chan breathes directly into his mouth, already so overwhelmed with everything. His hand is smaller than Chan’s own and he’s still just lightly touching him over clothes, but Chan has wanted to be touched like this for what seems like forever.
“Can I suck you off?”
“Oh my god.” He chuckles nervously and then kisses Felix.
“If it’s too much, we can just do this. Whatever you want. I just wanna be close to you. Wanna feel you.”
Say it. Just say it. You can say it. He said it. If he says he wants to suck your dick, there’s nothing wrong with you saying you want him to suck your dick. You’re not doing anything to him, you’re doing this together.
Already breathless, Chan nods. “Yeah. Yes. I… I want that.”
Felix smiles again. “Yeah? You’re sure?”
“I’m sure.”
He gets kissed again. Felix rolls them over until Chan is on his back. There’s really no excuse to keep his eyes closed anymore other than the fact that he feels like he’ll die if he looks at Felix, but he still does it. Death would be worth it for the way Felix slowly kisses down his neck, to his collarbones.
“You’re beautiful.” Felix whispers, in awe. Greedy hands coming to stroke from Chan’s wrists to his biceps, squeezing. “Just… absolutely gorgeous. Look at you, it’s insane.”
Chan can take compliments about his body. His face, he’s still insecure and nitpicky about, but his body is something he’s working on hard every day. It’s something he puts effort in, hence praise is deserved. Felix’s lips feel like a brand on his chest. His kisses are soft, hands following the path, all over Chan’s torso. It tickles a little as he kisses his stomach, but his muscles relax, he takes it in.
“Can you sit up?” Felix requests. “Wanna see you.”
Oh god. Chan is not going to survive this. Still, he complies because he’s notoriously bad at denying Felix anything. A pillow against the wall and Chan’s back against the pillow, now looking down at Felix. Felix’s hands on Chan’s thighs as he straightens up to kiss him.
“I’ll make you feel good.” He promises and Chan has no idea where he gets this confidence when it’s his first time all the same. But he guesses it makes sense – when Felix sees Chan is struggling with something, he takes it upon himself to not be nervous. “I think seeing me with your cock between my lips will help out with all that mess in your head. You know, for future reference.”
“Oh my god.” Chan uses both his hands to cover his face as Felix giggles and gets comfortable on his stomach between Chan’s spread legs. “How can you talk like that?”
“You don’t like it?” he cocks his head to the side. “I think you like it. You like everything about me, even my cringey dirty talk.”
“It’s not cringey. Mine would be cringey.”
“Guess we’ll find out.” He wiggles his eyebrows as he starts pulling Chan’s shorts and underwear down in one go. Felix is seeing his dick for the first time. This is fine. Chan is fine. “You wax here too?”
“Ah, yeah, haha. Guess it just stayed, like, a habit? From my swimming days. And now as an idol… I just like to wax everywhere.”
“Cute. You’re so pretty. Pretty everywhere.”
“Oh god.”
Should he have showered before this? He showered last night before they went to bed, but maybe he sweats a lot in his sleep? This is probably something he should have thought of before getting to this point. He thinks of Felix throwing himself at Hyunjin after dance practice and cuddling him, telling him he smells good, like the gross little gremlin he is. He loves bodies and he loves being close, so Chan really hopes that it’s okay.
Felix wraps a hand around the base of Chan’s cock, holding him steady. He’s so warm and solid and real and Chan exhales slowly, looks down. Felix gives him a devastating smile, before he sticks out his tongue. Chan has seen him kitten lick food a million times, he just never would have guessed he’d apply the same technique for… this.
Even with the smallest sensation, Chan is twitching in his hand. Felix seems to like it though. He’s wet, leaking precum and watching as Felix licks it up, swirls his tongue around the head. Digs his thumb into the slit. Makes Chan gasp.
Then he closes his eyes and takes him into his mouth. All of Chan’s muscles lock up so he doesn’t thrust up. He slaps a hand over his mouth, the other fisting the sheets. Felix goes down, slowly, testing it out. Then back up. The friction part is not something Chan thought about before but it feels so good. Felix’s soft lips dragging over him, his cheeks hollowing.
“Oh my god.” Chan gasps when the cold air hits him again when Felix pulls off.
“Good?”
“So good.”
Felix reaches for his hand, locking their fingers together. “Tell me.”
“Baby, I—ah, fuck.” His voice breaks when Felix sinks back down. “So good, so good, it feels… god. How do you… You’re doing so well.”
Felix hums around him, pleased. The vibrations have Chan’s leg twitching uselessly. It’s so wet and warm and insane, he feels like he’s losing his mind. He gathers all the courage he can and looks down, stares as Felix bobs his head, up and down, slow and steady. He uses his tongue, licking up from the base to the tip, his hand following.
Then he spits on Chan’s dick and it’s probably one of the hottest things that’s happened to him. Spreads it down, twists his wrist. Chan whimpers. He’s mortified but too turned on to care. Felix smiles up at him again and leads his hand to his head, leaving it there.
“Fuck.” Chan moans, fingers gripping his hair gently.
Felix encourages him, moving his head again. Chan is too scared of hurting him though, of forcing him, being too rough, so he settles on only holding him like this, letting Felix set the pace.
If he focuses, he can hear the slurping sounds and blushes immediately. Felix angles his face to the side, so he can see him. He asked for Chan to sit up so he can see him. The tip of Chan’s cock bulges his cheek and it’s obscene.
“How do I look?” Felix asks breathlessly. His voice is a little rough.
“Unreal.” Chan answers without thinking about it.
With a small giggle, he licks his lips. “You like seeing me like this?”
Chan huffs and looks at the ceiling so he doesn’t lose it. He pets Felix’s head lightly and admits on a shy whisper. “I do.”
“Good.” Felix presses Chan’s dick against his belly and starts leaving small kisses down the length, to the balls. Chan’s whole body gives a twitch. “Sensitive.”
“Apparently.” He chuckles. It’s not like he has much time or privacy to indulge in figuring out what he likes the most. Getting off has always been mechanical – as quick and quiet as possible, if he really has to do it.
“You’re doing so well.”
Chan looks back down at Felix. His lips are impossibly soft on Chan’s sensitive skin. “’m not—ah, not even doing anything, oh fuck.”
“Exactly.” Felix grins, licking Chan’s balls and yeah, okay, that’s definitely a thing he likes it seems, alright. “You’re doing so well because you’re not doing anything. Just letting me make you feel good. You’re so hot right now, all red.”
“So are you. And like, you’re making me feel so, so good. Like, I think I’m gonna die. I’m already so close.”
Upon hearing that, Felix gets a determined look on his face. “Yeah?” he wraps a hand around Chan and starts jerking him off. “Come on, then. Really wanna make you cum. Wanna feel you like that. Love you so much.”
“I love you—ah, shit, love you too, Felix, baby, oh my god.”
Felix’s mouth is back on him, following his hand and Chan wills himself to look down even if it means passing out from embarrassment. It feels so mind-numbingly good and he wonders how is he supposed to survive when they end up doing more, if just a blowjob gets him this worked up. This needy. It’s insane.
Felix closes his eyes and takes him deeper and every time Chan registers he’s hitting the back of his throat, he wonders what he did to deserve this. There’s not much time to send his gratitude to the sky because his boyfriend is somehow so good at this, despite never doing it before and Chan is definitely at the edge of an orgasm.
When he realizes it, he plants both his hands back on the mattress so he doesn’t accidentally push Felix’s head down and whines quickly, desperately, “Cumming, cumming—“
Felix stops sucking, opens his mouth and holds eye contact with Chan as cum fills up his mouth. Maybe Chan fell in love with a sex demon. How is he so shameless? How is he smiling as he literally swallows Chan’s cum and sticks his tongue back out to show him? Chan feels like his soul just left his body. Felix licks at his tip and sends jolts of pain-pleasure up his spine, making him hiss. Then he tucks him back into his underwear and pulls his shorts up.
“You taste so good.” He rasps as he climbs back up on Chan’s lap, cupping his cheeks. “Knew that healthy diet shit had to pay off for something.”
Chan giggles, still breathless, hands coming to rest on Felix’s waist. “And what, not my amazing body you love so much?”
“That too, I guess.” Felix’s hand slides down to cup Chan’s peck. “Either way, I stay winning in the boyfriend department.”
They kiss. Chan tastes himself on Felix’s tongue and moans. Felix’s lips are red and a little swollen, how they sometimes get when they make out for a long period of time. “I love you.” Chan whispers into his skin. “I love you, let me take care of you.”
And then they hear footsteps in the hallway. They share a look and scramble to get in the lying position again. Felix is trying not to giggle but Chan is beating himself up for not thinking of locking the door before he let any of this happen. They live with 6 other boys. It’s just that— when Felix touched him, it felt like the world around them disappeared, melted away.
Felix snuggles into him, head on Chan’s chest, closing his eyes. He’s gonna pretend to be asleep, then. Good. Smart decision, considering he’s rock hard against Chan’s thigh. He wraps an arm around Felix’s shoulder and wonders if he looks like he just got his dick sucked. If the room smells of sex.
Changbin walks in, hair a mess and sweat on his face and neck. He looks up at Chan and then gestures at Felix. “Yongbokkie okay?”
Right. Felix wouldn’t sleep in this much. Chan feels him smile against his chest. “Ah, yeah. He’s just exhausted, I think.”
“Poor baby.” Changbin whispers and Chan feels a small pang of guilt in his chest. “Well, I’ll tell the others not to bother you, then. There’s food, though, so, whenever you wanna come out.”
“Thanks, Bin.”
With that, he grabs a change of clothes and leaves. Felix snickers and tries to muffle it against Chan’s skin, biting him. “Call him back.” He whispers dramatically as he looks up at Chan. “I’m so exhausted, my boyfriend tired me out with his penis. Poor me, get Changbinnie hyung to save me.”
Chan, despite himself, laughs. His heart is beating so fast. “Holy shit. That was crazy.”
“Hyung.” Felix whines, getting Chan’s leg between his own, grinding down. “Hyung, ‘m so hard, you were so hot.”
With Changbin’s promise of telling the others not to disturb them, Chan kisses Felix. “Come here, I wanna touch you.”
“Can we—like this?” he holds Chan’s thigh closer to his crotch. “I just… fuck. Really love your thighs, can I cum like this, please?”
“My… thighs?”
“Yes? Have you seen them?”
For some reason, it seems unfair. Chan logically knows sex isn’t just a transaction of acts, but isn’t it weird that Felix gave him the best of his life, most earth shattering orgasm, and Chan is just gonna… what? Let him rut against his leg?
Sensing his hesitation, Felix holds his cheek and presses their foreheads together. “We can do other stuff some other time. You can blow me, if you wanna. I’m just… so close.” He chuckles. “Having hyung in my mouth got me so close, can I cum like this?”
He’s doing the pouting thing. The faux innocence that he knows makes it hard for Chan to say no to him in any circumstances, let alone right now. He doesn’t use it often, though, so Chan can let it slide. He could bring the whole world to their knees with it, if he did.
“Okay.” He nods. “Fuck, yeah, okay. Of course, baby. Come here.”
Chan’s hands slide down Felix’s back and when Felix nods eagerly, he lets them rest on his ass. He squeezes and Felix moans, straddles Chan’s leg and climbs on top of him. He’s so warm and Chan aches to feel him properly, to see all of him.
“God, fuck.” He whines into Chan’s neck, grinding down. Humping him. It’s way hotter than it has any right to be. “Hyung, it’s so good, oh, you’re so hot.”
Chan guides his hips down. Thinks about holding him like this when Felix rides him. When Felix fucks him. He wonders if Felix is thinking about it too. If he thinks about it often.
“Baby, do you…?” for a second, he’s scared to ask. But Felix is hard and desperate on top of him, he just put his mouth on him and Chan really shouldn’t have a reason to be scared of anything with him. “What you asked me before, do you ever think of me?”
“So much.” Felix admits, breathless. Chan’s heart flutters. “So much, Chris, want you so bad, want everything with you, you’re so… fuck. Feels good, feels so good.”
“Yeah? I want everything with you too, honey. You’re so precious, come on. Like that, yeah, just like that.” He encourages as Felix rolls his hips. “Make yourself feel good, you’re gorgeous.”
Chan’s hand travels to Felix’s nape, just to hold him better, but Felix leads it higher. “My hair, can you, just a bit, please.”
“Oh. Okay. Yeah, okay.” He grabs a fistful, now blonde. He’s careful and perhaps too gentle when he pulls experimentally, but Felix still moans. Chan’s eyes widen, painfully aware of the voices in the dorm and he gets his other hand over Felix’s mouth, without thinking. “Quiet, baby.”
“Ah, that’s so hot.” Felix whines. “Can I… just…” he opens his mouth and slides two of Chan’s fingers between his lips.
Chan curses under his breath. He pulls Felix’s hair again and feels him twitch against his thigh, flexes the muscle and lifts it just a little. It has Felix moaning with his mouth full, eyes rolling back. He could be a painting right now. He could be a painting every day, but this is Chan’s first time seeing him lost in pleasure and he wants to commit every millisecond of it to memory.
Felix’s arms are shaking where he’s supporting his weight barely, as he hollows his cheeks just how he did before, presses into Chan’s body with intent. When he gets closer, he buries his face in Chan’s neck and grabs his bicep.
“Chris, I—“ mumbled into the skin as he throbs in his underwear and shakes.
Chan wishes he could see Felix’s face when he cums. He wishes they had more privacy so he’d hear him properly. There’s a flash of an idea about recording his moans because he sounds just that good, but it’s gone in a second. Felix relaxes on top of him, like a deflated balloon and Chan scratches his scalp where he pulled the hair.
“Give me a second.” His words are slurred and Chan feels overwhelmed with love.
“Yeah, I got you.” He strokes down Felix’s back, nuzzles his cheek. “That was so hot.” He feels a little silly because they repeated this a hundred times, but it’s okay. He likes being silly with Felix. Likes discovering new things. Felix makes him feel brave.
“Agreed.” Felix’s beautiful face comes into view as he bumps their noses together. “I love you.”
“I love you too. So much. The most.”
“I wanna cuddle but I gotta shower first. I’ll be really quick, okay?” Chan nods. “Can I trust you to leave you with yourself for 5 minutes? Are you gonna freak out?”
Chan chuckles, a little ashamed. “I think I can handle it. Only if it’s 5 minutes, though.”
“Quickest shower ever, I promise.” Felix smiles and kisses him.
He gets up and grabs clean boxers and one of Chan’s black shirts that’s too big even on him. That is new too – Felix wearing his clothes. It makes Chan all giddy and giggly whenever it happens. He promised Felix he’s chill so in order to not overthink this, he gets up to use the other bathroom while Felix showers and checks his socials.
True to his word, he does come back pretty quickly. With two bowls of something that smells delicious. He gives them to Chan to hold as he climbs up.
“We’re eating in bed?” Chan asks.
“Mhm. In fact, we’re not leaving the bed all day.” Felix grins at him. “Day off, meaning no laptop, no gym, no company, no studio.”
“No pants.” Chan notes, staring at Felix’s soft thighs.
“Don’t need pants. Just my boyfriend.”
They finish their meal and Felix puts the bowls on their nightstand table, before maneuvering Chan on his back. Chan smiles at him, unable to contain so much joy. “What if someone comes to hang out?”
“Then I’m gonna climb on top of you like this.” Felix says, straddling his lap and looking down at him. “And you’re gonna hold me like this.” He leads Chan’s hand to his ass. The shirt is long enough that there are two layers between them, but Chan’s heart still skips a beat. “And I’m gonna stick my tongue in your throat. We’re busy to hang out today.”
Chan is fine with that.
They eventually end up on their sides, facing each other. Legs tangled together. Felix looking at him with so much adoration. Poking his dimple when Chan smiles. Leaning in to kiss him mid-sentence so quickly Chan is left blinking and confused and forgetting whatever he was about to say.
“So, you liked it?” Felix asks.
“Was it not obvious?” Chan giggles.
“What did you like about it?”
“Oh my gosh.” He whines and buries his face in the pillow. “What, you want a debrief of your first blowjob?”
“Yes. With bullet points and everything. Treat it like a business meeting.”
Chan laughs and scoots closer until he can fit into his safe place – Felix’s neck. He smells nice, but he always smells nice to Chan. Arms come to wrap around his shoulders as always and he relaxes his muscles and mind.
“I liked everything about it.”
Felix hums. Strokes Chan’s hair. Brings them closer until almost every part of his body is touching Chan’s own. “I’m glad. So did I. It felt really good. I really liked when you pulled my hair.”
“I noticed.” He chuckles. “I liked how you looked when I pulled your hair. And how you sounded. You’re just so... like. You don’t feel real.”
Felix is aware of his beauty. Hyunjin has a complicated relationship with his appearance. For Felix, it’s just another fact about himself. Which is crazy, because he looks like an angel walking among lucky humans. He’s not shy about it, he’s not cocky. He just is, just exists, beautiful and lovely and so warm you kinda forget that he’s drop dead gorgeous once you get to know his amazing personality.
“Okay. Is there something you didn’t like?”
Chan wiggles until they can see each other. “No. Just, ah. You know. Wish you would have let me do the same. But I liked what we did anyway. But I also wanna feel you like that.”
Felix nods. “I get that. Soon. We’ll find some time. I want it too.” He smiles. “I really liked that you… let me take care of you? You know? Like, I don’t want you to think of it as me doing something for you, or vice versa. Because it makes me feel good to make you feel good.”
“But it also makes me feel good to make you feel good!”
They giggle. Chan leans in to kiss Felix’s cheek. Felix holds him so close. He always holds him so close. Chan sometimes wishes they could be joined at the hip, literally. Change all of their choreographies so that they include him and Felix holding hands. Never separate. Have Felix cling to him like a baby koala if he has to go to the studio.
“I love it so much… okay, this is not sexual, but hear me out?” Felix smiles again. “Like, I love that you let me take care of you. In general. So, so much. It makes me so happy. I feel like… in a give and take relationship, we both want to give more? If that makes sense. And you’ve spent years taking care of all of us and you’re so good at it, so it makes me feel… sorta special? Y’know what I mean? That you let me be the one to take care of you? That you trust me like that, I guess.”
Chan often feels too young to be where he is. Like he got stuck at 19 and never grew more, like he’s a kid in a body too big for him. Boy instead of man, trusted with a responsibility of taking care of other boys, all younger than him, his babies. It’s always difficult to let himself have that same care. Usually feels like a burden to put it on someone, just another thing they have to worry about with everything else they have on their plate.
But Felix likes doing it. Felix takes it and does it earnestly and he keeps Chan from falling apart at the seams more than he’ll ever know. In a way, it makes sense, he guesses. If Felix really is his soulmate, the way his heart has been screaming at him, it makes sense. To have that one person in the world who has just enough of you in them to handle you. Just similar enough for it to be perfect.
Chan kisses his lips and brings him closer with a hand on the small of his back. He admits what he’s dreaded admitting out loud. “I like when you take care of me too.”
//
Things… progress? Sorta. He’s not sure.
Okay, that’s not true. They do progress. He knows that. The thing is, they’re really busy. They share a living space with everyone. They’re exhausted 90% of the time. All of those factors make it difficult to have a sex life.
They touch each other. Making out sometimes grows into more. Chan gets to learn that Felix’s dick is devastatingly pretty, which makes sense. He doesn’t even care it makes him sound cringe. It’s the truth. He learns Felix’s neck is really sensitive and that he likes when Chan gently bites his ear. He sometimes gets whiny, high-pitched, sometimes his voice drops so low and Chan’s stomach does a little flip.
He learns his own nipples are sensitive and that it turns him on so much when he sees how small Felix’s hand looks on his dick. He doesn’t examine that further.
He learns they can be surprisingly quiet if they try hard enough when they jerk each other off one night while Changbin sleeps under them. Chan will probably spend the rest of his life wondering if he heard them.
No blowjobs occur, but he’s fine with that. They have time. He likes doing things with Felix, no matter how ‘small’ they might seem to him. It feels good.
Last week, Felix casually asked the most not casual question while they were in the middle of a photoshoot. They had a break and the two of them were in a corner, Felix’s hands on his ass, swaying them from side to side. Nothing unusual for their group, so Chan wasn’t worried.
“Would you ever let me finger you?”
His head snapped back to Felix’s face so quick he heard his neck pop. “What?”
“Would you?”
Chan got… semi used to Felix’s shamelessness, so he reacted way better than he would have some weeks ago. He stopped to think about it, but not too much with how tight the pants they put him in already were.
“I mean... yes? Obviously?”
“Sick.” Felix beamed and then a photographer called him over. “Coming!” he shouted, like nothing just happened and hopped away from Chan, stealing one final squeeze of Chan’s ass.
Jisung approached him with a shit eating grin on his face. “I will pay you an insane amount of money to tell me what he just told you to have you looking like that.”
One embarrassing online purchase later that Chan sweated over until Felix grabbed the package when it arrived, they were one step closer. Then today Felix walked up to Minho after dance practice and started massaging his shoulders.
“Hyung, I need a favor.”
“No.” Minho replied immediately, taking a sip of water.
“Can you take everyone out for dinner tonight?” he looked at Chan. “Minus me and Channie hyung.”
Minho looked at Chan as well and he felt like a deer in headlights. This is normal. They’re a couple. Couples have sex. When you have 6 roommates it’s okay to ask them to give you some space if you plan to do something. Courteous, even. Chan had nothing to be ashamed of. Still, he pulled out his phone and pretended to be busy, like he was 15.
“If I can have yours or hyung’s credit card, sure.” Minho eventually replied.
“You can have both.”
Minho, at the end, didn’t take either, of course. The dorm was empty and the door locked, Chan cleaned himself up in the bathroom with the help of google and that brings them to here, now.
On Felix’s bed, for a change, completely naked on his back. A pillow under his ass, towel over the pillow and two of Felix’s fingers inside him. Adding to the list of things he’s discovering he likes about himself: being fingered.
“I had no idea you could make such sounds.” Felix tells him, holding Chan’s legs apart with a hand on his knee.
“Me neither, it’s so embarrassing.”
Many things are embarrassing. The fact that Minho knows they’re doing something. The fact that Changbin might have heard them. Maybe all of them know. Maybe they talk about it. Maybe they have bets about what their leader is like in bed. Maybe Chan and Felix will be caught by Dispatch and all of their careers will come tumbling down.
But it’s so fucking hard to care right now. Felix put so much lube that it makes squelching noises whenever he fucks his fingers in and that is embarrassing too. And a little hot. Chan feels wet. He doesn’t hate it. He more than doesn’t hate it, actually.
“It’s so fucking hot.” Felix tells him. “Oh god, imagine when I fuck you for real. How am I gonna survive that?”
Chan giggles, which has him clenching. “How will I survive that? Fuck, it feels so good.”
“Yeah? Look at me? Please?”
Chan looks. Felix stares him down. He’s tenting his sweatpants. He’s so turned on by Chan. By all of this, his fingers in Chan’s ass, Chan flushed and panting and already covered in a layer of sweat. Laid bare for him, ready for the taking. He feels like a ripe peach, begging to be bitten into. For Felix to sink those cute fangs in and suck. An exposed nerve.
“Fuck, I love you so much.” Felix groans and Chan leaks more precum. He holds onto the pillow under his head because he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Felix leans over his body to kiss him. “So fucking much.” He whispers against Chan’s lips.
Chan wants to reply, even though he will never be able to put into words what he feels for Felix. Still, he tries, but Felix angles his short fingers and touches something inside Chan that has him letting out a high-pitched whimper, back arching off the bed. His leg twitches and he almost kicks Felix.
So, that was his prostate. The more you know.
“Shit, I can’t get enough of you.” Felix tells him.
“Don’t get enough.” Chan gasps. He feels delirious, brain to mouth filter gone. Making any sense filter gone too, he doesn’t know what he’s saying. “Please, never get enough, have me, forever, whatever you want, I love you, I love you, Lixie, baby, feel good, I feel so good.”
Felix smiles as he scissors his fingers. “Forever.” His words seem to carry more weight, calculated and calm, not lost in the agonies of pleasure. “I got you, forever.”
Chan’s eyes are a little blurry, because of what Felix is saying or doing to him. Perhaps both. Does it matter? Personally, he believes nothing matters except right here and right now. Felix inside him, in a way. Chan, being his.
“Should we add another one?” he asks. “You want another finger?”
He doesn’t have to think about it. “Yeah.”
Before they got started, he was worried it might hurt. It’s not the pain he was afraid of – he deals with some amount of it every day. It was his brain he feared, getting its way and stopping him from enjoying anything so much that they’d have to stop. Felix was patient, as he is every day with Chan. Gentle and soft and just… so lovely it hurts.
“Yeah? Okay.”
Felix’s fingers leave him. He clenches and unclenches his muscles. It’s a weird sensation, being empty now that he had something in. He’s dripping lube a little bit. He wonders if it looks sexy. He feels sexy. Desired, wanted, adored. Felix gets his fingers even wetter and starts massaging his rim with three now.
“Relax, yeah? Like before. You’re so good.”
Chan likes being told that. Likes it more and more each time. He nods. Reaches out for Felix’s free hand to hold it. Felix gives it, squeezes and smiles. Looks down. Chan’s legs are spread and there’s a small strain in his thighs, but nothing beats this overwhelming euphoria he’s riding.
“There we go…” Felix licks his lip, slipping two back easily. Chan flushes. He’s open enough to have two fingers inside his asshole. Open enough to feel the third one tugging, probing, slipping in. Bit more, to the knuckle. All the way in. “How’s that feel?”
“Full.” He chuckles. “Fuller.”
“You like it?”
“I like it so much.”
Felix goes back to finger fucking him. Chan sinks into the sheets. He doesn’t worry about being too loud because they’re home alone. It’s fine. Felix likes it. Felix loves it. Felix loves him. All of him. He wakes up every day, looks at Chan and somehow still decides he’s worthy all that love. Chan is a selfish person. If Felix will give it, he will soak up all that love. All he’s ever wanted is to be loved anyway.
He goes for the prostate again. This time, doesn’t let up. Rubs and rubs and Chan whines for him, trashes on the bed like he’s being tickled. Except it’s much better than being tickled. It’s better than anything he’s ever experienced before.
“Jesus, look at you.” Felix sounds in awe. “And so wet too.” He bends down to lick at the tip of Chan’s red dick, staining his lips with precum.
“Ah, baby, no, please.” Chan pushes his shoulder gently. “Too much, too much, both at the same time, I can’t.”
“Hmmm. Okay.”
“Feel like I’m gonna die.”
“You’re not gonna die.” Felix promises. “You’re just gonna cum all over yourself. Make a mess. All pretty.”
Pretty. Chan can work with that. He feels pretty.
“Yeah?” he looks up shyly.
“Yeah, hyung.” Felix exhales. “So fucking pretty for me. So tight on my fingers. Can’t stop thinking about what you’ll be like on my cock.”
Chan wants to say do it. Fuck it, let’s do it. Fuck me. He wants to know how it feels. What Felix’s face looks like when he sinks into him for the first time. What it feels like to have cum drip out of him like lube is right now, but more. Better. Worse. Everything.
Not now, though. He’s not ready. He knows that. Plus, it should be more romantic. Not rushed. They don’t have enough time. But Chan is definitely gonna ask for it once they do.
“Me neither.” He settles on saying because he can. Because he wants to. Felix wants him to. He wants to know Chan inside out. “Me neither, I really want it. And wanna—wanna fuck you too, wanna be with you and do fucking everything, just… Holy shit, Lixie, god.”
Felix speeds up. Chan is so loose he can easily fuck into him quickly. Back and forth. In and out. Stretch him wide open. Take him.
He has been ignoring his cock since they started. But it hurts too much now, so he wraps a hand around it. Arches up again, plants his feet on the mattress and rolls his hips. Oh god, he’s fucking himself on Felix’s fingers. It feels so fucking good.
“I’m close, I’m so close.”
“You are.” Felix says, stroking his thigh. “You look so good. So beautiful. Wanna see you cum, Channie hyung. Wanna get you there.”
Chan whines some more. He squeezes his eyes shut when Felix presses his thumb against his perineum. Other hand coming to squeeze his balls, it’s all too much. He’s being touched everywhere, his whole body singing with pleasure.
“I need it, I need it, please, Lixie, need it so bad—“
“I know, I know you do. Fuck, Chris, take it, come on, let go—“
When he cums, it’s different. Different than usual. He mourns the fact that he can’t have every orgasm from now on with something up his ass. He jerks himself off quickly, painting his chest white. Felix keeps touching him until Chan slumps down on the bed. He can’t breathe quick enough to get air in his lungs.
Maybe he passes out for a second or two. He’s not sure. How did he not know something could feel this good?
Towel. Wet wipes. Kisses. All over him. His legs being put down, stretched finally. Felix crawling up his body, messing with his sweaty hair.
“Are you with me, or did I send you into a coma?”
“The second one.” Chan replies.
“So was that—“
Before he can finish the sentence, Chan interrupts him. He feels fucked out. Floating. “Can I suck your dick? Please?”
“Oh.” Felix blinks down at him.
Chan kisses his cheeks. “Please, baby. Want it so bad. Can I?”
Some more blinking and then a shy smile. “Yeah. Yeah.”
“Can you take everything off?” Chan repeats the question Felix asked when they started. “Wanna see you.”
He rolls his eyes, but complies. Throws everything on the floor and looks at Chan. “Um, do we… How do we…”
“C’mere.” He tugs on Felix’s thighs. “Up, on my chest. There. I think you put my legs out of commission. Don’t laugh, I’m not even joking!”
Felix straddles his chest and what a sight that is. Hard, wet at the tip. That vein on the underside Chan is seeing up close for the first time. Neatly trimmed, dark pubes. Body so hard and soft everywhere at the same time.
He swallows and slides his hands up Felix’s thighs. “So. I’m probably not gonna be as good as you.”
Felix sighs and holds Chan’s cheek. “Hyung. I just spent a lot of effort getting you out of your head. Don’t get back in. I just wanna be close to you. You feel good all the time, whatever you do.”
Chan looks at him and nods. “Okay. Yes.”
He opens his mouth and guides the tip of Felix’s cock inside. The precum is salty and immediately addictive. Chan hums. Swirls his tongue and enjoys the way Felix hisses on top of him. He unhinges his jaw, taking more in. He’s definitely too far gone to properly process that he is currently tasting Felix for the first time. But maybe that’s a good thing. Less thinking, more doing.
He sucks until he can’t anymore, until his throat protests. Felix pulls back. Pushes back in. Chan closes his eyes and breathes through his nose. The weight on his tongue is good. Once he figures to use his hand, that is good too. Following his mouth, up and down. A little dry, so he pulls off and licks up from base to tip, imitates what he remembers Felix doing to him.
“Holy shit.” Felix shudders. “Holy shit, that feels good. I feel so good.”
Chan smiles as he strokes him. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. And you look…” he gets a hand in Chan’s hair. “Pornographic. Literally. Your lips look so good like this.”
Chan blushes. He wants more of that, wants Felix to think of his lips more. So he wraps them around the head, dares to look up. Drags them up and down. Felix twitches between them. It’s exhilarating, to be watched this closely.
Chan gets his hands on Felix’s hips and is happy when the message is received. Felix gets more leverage on his knees and starts moving a little. Careful, slow, eyes never leaving Chan’s face. He’s barely thrusting, but it’s good all the same.
His tongue lolls out and he lets it hang over his bottom lip, stretches his mouth wider for Felix, who moans. “Fuck, can you do that again?”
Chan licks. And licks and hollows his cheeks which earns him more pretty sounds. He starts moving his head in rhythm with Felix’s hips, taking as much as he can. He wishes he could take more, all of it without choking, but they have time for that. They have time for everything.
“Ah, fuck, you’re so… shit. Channie hyung. Channie hyung, feels so good.” Felix whines and it’s delicious. Chan gets drunk on it. “I’m close, what do you want me to do?”
He doesn’t let himself think too much about this either. Pulls off and pops his lips. “Cum on my face.”
“Holy shit, for real?”
Chan laughs. “Yes, you nerd. For real. You wanna?”
“Fuck, close your eyes.”
Chan does. He also sticks out his tongue, refusing to feel stupid. It’s sexy. It’s stupider to just lie there doing nothing. His face must look sexier with his tongue out, mouth open. He hopes Felix thinks so.
“Oh my god, oh my god—“
With a shaky breath, he cums. Most of it lands on Chan’s tongue. Some on his cheeks and a little on his nose. He feels delicate. It doesn’t make sense that it’s the first word that comes to mind after getting a facial, but it doesn’t have to.
“Okay, you can open, I didn’t get any on your eyes.” Felix tells him, breathless and fond.
Chan locks eyes with him when he swallows. It’s salty too and a tiny bit bitter but not in a bad way. It’s Felix. Nothing about him could ever be bad. “Wanted to do that to you since you did it to me.”
He giggles and shifts lower, their naked bodies pressing together. “Oh, you got a little something…” then he fucking licks Chan’s cheek. “And a little something here too, wait, I’ll get it.”
Chan laughs and tries to push him away. “You’re fucking gross.”
“Mmmm, just appreciating my porn star boyfriend, that’s all.” Felix winks, lying on top of him. “That was… insane. Ten out of ten. We’re definitely doing it again.”
“Which part?”
“All of it. And you’re gonna finger me. And cum on my face. You looked… I can’t describe it. Wish I had a video.”
Chan flips them over and starts blowing raspberries on his neck. They hear the front door being unlocked. Chan sighs. “Ah, fuck me…” but there’s no bite to it. No panic, or immediate shame. He’s too happy to care. Too high up.
“Come here.” Felix pulls the duvet over them and pushes Chan’s head down until his face rests on his chest. “Pretend to sleep. I don’t even give a fuck.”
Nevermind the clothes all over the floor, their lube and used up wipes, a towel with cum stains. They are going to tease them so much tomorrow.
Chan doesn’t care.