Chapter Text
Zenigata gingerly set down a chipped mug of tea on his hotel room desk. Plumes of steam rose heartily from the decrepit little cup, wisping up into stale air.
“The tea bags were complimentary with the room, dunno if they’re any good,” he muttered.
“I’m sure it’s fine, thank you,” Fujiko replied, already seated on the accompanying desk chair, crossing her legs one over the other.
The inspector sat down on the corner of the flimsy bed facing her. There was only one chair in the cramped room.
Fujiko looked entirely out of place amid the squalor that surrounded them. She was wrapped in a striking white fur shawl that draped elegantly over a red turtleneck dress. From her styled hair to her golden earrings to her shiny patent leather boots, she looked primed for an expensive evening out on someone else’s dime rather than a clandestine meeting with a cop in his shitty hotel room on the outskirts of Prague.
Maybe she had somewhere else to be later tonight. Maybe she just felt like dressing up for the hell of it. Zenigata could only guess. He had stopped trying to understand Fujiko a long time ago; there was too much there to unravel. Besides, he already had another enigmatic thief to ruminate over.
She was looking at him expectantly. He cleared his throat. “Alright, well… what’s this tactic you’ve got?” he asked.
Fujiko curled her fingers around the handle of the mug and lifted it off the desk beside her. “First of all, just so we’re clear: if I help you out with Lupin, I won’t have to worry about that pesky Russian arrest warrant anymore, right?” she asked, before taking a sip of the tea. Her lips pursed slightly at the taste, as if she were contemplating whether the subpar flavor was worth the warmth it afforded her.
Zenigata nodded. “If the strategy you provide is solid, I’ll see that it gets striked from your record.”
Fujiko hummed, her index finger swirling idly around the rim of her cup like a vulture circling a dying animal. “Alright then, it’s a deal.” Her eyes flicked up to meet his gaze. “The ‘strategy’ I have in mind is basically a sort of… seductive distraction. Something that could throw Lupin off his game and make him lose focus entirely.” She smiled.
Zenigata narrowed his eyes at her. Fujiko had a surreptitious way of getting under your skin. There was a hint of amusement in her voice that made him tense up immediately and gave him the strange feeling that she was already in on a joke he didn’t understand. It didn’t help that her expensive perfume was starting to make his nose twitch, the floral notes so overpowering that it was almost intoxicating.
“So, I’m assuming you would distract Lupin for me?” he tried to clarify. “While I, what, sneak up on him or something?”
Fujiko wagged a finger at him. “No. Lupin is getting far better at sniffing out when I’m working for you nowadays, he gets suspicious too easily. So I’m planning to take on a more advisory role this time. I won’t be distracting him, you will.”
Zenigata furrowed his brow. He had a vague idea of what she meant and he wasn’t sure he liked it. “You realize that I’ve already tried disguising myself as a woman to capture Lupin, right?” Zenigata cringed at the memories. Even when he had tried his hardest to put effort into his makeup and pull together what he thought was a pretty convincing outfit, Lupin could always recognize the inspector and usually stared for a moment in disbelief before running off laughing. “It hasn’t worked out too well for me,” he muttered.
“Yes I know, and with some major improvements in your disguises that might even work, but it’s not what I’m suggesting,” Fujiko said, banishing the thought with a flick of her hand as if she were dismissing an overbearing butler. “This plan would involve you dressing up, but not wearing a disguise, if you know what I mean.”
Okay, now he was completely lost. “Uh, I’m not sure I do.”
She smiled sweetly then. “Well… Zenigata, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Lupin is attracted to you.”
Zenigata squinted at her suspiciously. “‘Attracted to me’? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Fujiko shrugged. “You know, he wants you.”
And then, when the inspector still stared back at her uncomprehendingly she added, “Sexually.”
Zenigata's eyes widened in disbelief and he barked out a nervous laugh. “Is that supposed to be some kind of joke?” he asked blithely. Still, he could feel heat rising to his face, betraying how much the mere idea of Lupin wanting him like that completely flustered him. He grit his teeth in annoyance.
“I can assure you Inspector, I’m not joking,” Fujiko answered matter-of-factly, taking another small sip of her tea.
Zenigata crossed his arms. This had to be some ploy to rile him up, he needed to stay calm. He swallowed his frustration down his throat and spoke in a clipped tone, “Listen, you can cut the crap. I know you’re pulling my leg, I just don’t know why. Messing with me isn’t gonna get any of your warrants dropped, got it?”
“Is it really so hard to believe?” Fujiko asked. “He flirts with you, he looks at you with those corny bedroom eyes, he gets handsy. I thought it was obvious at this point.”
“That’s- he does not flirt with me!” Zenigata balked. “And he gets handsy because he’s a damn pickpocket! It doesn’t mean anything, that’s just who he is, an uncontrollable lech!”
So much for staying calm. But it was hard, damn it, this was so entirely ridiculous.
“Is he an uncontrollable lech? Yes. Is what he’s doing meaningless? No. Trust me, I know. I have my inside sources,” she said with a wink.
“Are you trying to tell me that Lupin told you this?” Zenigata asked, still disbelieving. “Told you that he’s… attracted to me?”
“Not in those words, but yes,” Fujiko said, placing a finger on her chin in thought. “I seem to recall him saying things like, ‘I wanna tear that stupid sexy trench coat off of him’, ‘he’s built like a friggin’ beautiful brick house’, ‘I wish I could just get on top of him and f-’”
“Ok, I get it,” Zenigata cut her off, aware that he was completely red in the face now and not sure how much more of this he could take. “Assuming for a moment that what you’re saying is even remotely true, what exactly are you suggesting I do to capitalize on this? How would I… distract him?” he asked. He was still angry at himself for even entertaining this, but his curiosity had gotten the best of him.
Fujiko looked him up and down; her soft gaze like a feather grazing across Zenigata’s skin. He shivered involuntarily.
“Oh, I have a few ideas,” she purred.
—
It was a week later when a package arrived at his hotel room door.
He was at a different crummy hotel, in Austria this time. Lupin had sent a calling card to the private hunting lodge of a powerful billionaire nearby in the lower Austrian alps, planning to steal a diamond that was kept there. Zenigata was primed to intercept him at the lodge in question tomorrow.
The inspector signed for the package, took the box inside, and laid it down on the bed. He breathed deeply as he stared down at it.
Zenigata knew it was from Fujiko the moment he saw it: the sleek dark blue packaging, his name and his hotel address printed in gold lettering on the top, every inch of it pure perfection with no expense spared.
“Expect a delivery tomorrow,” she had told him over the phone the day before, “and let me know how it goes.”
“And uh, what is it exactly?” Zenigata had asked.
“Just a little outfit,” she had said, “to help with the plan. It’s something Lupin would like.”
The plan as Zenigata understood it so far would be for him to distract Lupin by being… seductive (he still couldn’t quite believe he had agreed to this), then he would take advantage of the distraction and quickly make the arrest before Lupin knew what hit him. According to Fujiko, once Lupin’s mind was in the gutter, his reflexes would be dulled and his brain would be addled enough for Zenigata to capture him and maneuver him into the back of a police van with a lot less resistance than usual.
The inspector had little hope that it would be that easy, but Fujiko was living proof that seduction was undoubtedly one of Lupin’s greatest weaknesses. If Zenigata could pull this off, this might be a huge breakthrough in bringing Lupin to justice. That was one big if though, but supposedly the contents of this package would help somehow.
It’s something Lupin would like.
Zenigata’s mind had run riot with the possibilities. What on earth would Lupin like to see him dressed up in? If it were an outfit for a woman he’d have more concrete ideas: something skimpy no doubt, something that showed off some cleavage. But for a man, and for Zenigata no less…
Well, it was a bit overwhelming to think about.
So, Zenigata wasn’t all that surprised when his hands started to shake as he peeled the tape off the package. He was extremely anxious to find out just what the hell was inside this box. He pulled off the lid slowly, carefully…
To reveal a crisp white dress shirt.
Zenigata stared down at it in surprise. Sure, it was a nice shirt, but not really what he was expecting. He gently pulled it out of the box by the seams, taking care not to wrinkle it. As he held it out in front of him to take a look at it, he couldn’t help but notice that it looked a little too small for him. Zenigata wasn’t even sure if he could fit into it without the seams bursting. He set it down beside him on the bed and looked into the box to see if there was anything else.
There was.
“Uh...” Zenigata muttered to himself, blushing as he hesitantly pulled a black lace bra from the box. Was there a mix up? Maybe this was something Fujiko had ordered for herself from the same tailor that was mistakenly shipped with his order? Whatever the case was, he couldn’t help but admire the craftsmanship of it: the bra featured intricate ink black flowers embroidered over a finely woven mesh base, the only bit of color a small pink satin bow that sat in the center between the two cups. Zenigata set it down carefully beside the dress shirt on the bed and looked back in the box, only to find a matching pair of panties. They featured the same pattern of black flowers, complete with a matching tiny bow at the center of the waistband.
Zenigata let out a long slow breath as he set down the panties on the bed, looking back into the box to find what appeared to be the final piece of the outfit: a pair of brown slacks almost identical to his usual pair, but made of a softer material. Contrary to the shirt, these looked like they might actually fit, though they looked a bit tight in the crotch.
Maybe that was intentional.
Zenigata strode across the room and grabbed the hotel phone from his desk table with a sweaty palm, quickly dialing the burner phone number Fujiko had provided him with.
She picked up after a couple of rings.
“Zenigata?” Fujiko’s voice lilted sugary sweet through the speaker. “I’m assuming you received the package?”
“Yes I- I did,” Zenigata stuttered, eyes flitting back over to his bed to stare at the expensive clothes there.
“And? Did you try everything on yet?”
“Try…? Uh, no, I just wanted to confirm first that everything in the package is actually meant for… me. You know, that there wasn’t a mix up or anything.”
“Well, there should be a dress shirt and pants, and a bra and panties,” she said, nonchalant.
Zenigata nodded slowly. “And that’s all… For me? To wear?” he croaked out.
That got a small laugh out of her. “Yes, Inspector.”
“I’m just checking!” Zenigata barked.
“Right, of course.”
Zenigata ran a hand over his face and sighed. “So… this is the kind of thing Lupin likes?” he asked hesitantly.
Fujiko gave an affirmative hum. “He’s always loved lace lingerie; it reminds him of the cabaret performers back in Montmartre, I think. From when he was young. Just give him a little look at it and he’ll be eating out of the palm of your hand.”
“I see,” Zenigata muttered, trying desperately to maintain a thin veneer of professionalism in his voice. “And… the shirt and pants?”
“He already complains about your clothes being too tight, I figured pushing it a little further wouldn’t hurt. You should still wear your trench coat over those though, he likes it.”
Zenigata blinked in surprise. “Uh, ok.”
“So, I suppose you’ll try everything on now?”
“Uh, yes, I guess I will...”
“Great. I’m hoping the outfit will do most of the work for you. It should be simple: give him a glimpse of the lingerie, tease the possibility of more, then catch him off guard when he least expects it.”
“Right, yes. Simple,” Zenigata mumbled.
“Mm-hmm. And… if I decide to head over to the Russian border in the next little while, I won’t have any trouble, right?”
Zenigata sighed. “If this whole plan actually works tomorrow, no trouble. Thanks, Fujiko.”
“It’s been a pleasure doing business with you, Zenigata. Good luck.”
The click of the line going dead and the dull drone of the dial tone followed.
Zenigata dropped the phone receiver back into the cradle and looked warily over at the bra and panties on the bed. The idea of trying them on scared him a little bit, which was absurd, what was he so afraid of? He had dressed up plenty of times in outfits far more ridiculous than this in an effort to catch Lupin. Hadn’t he told himself time and time again that he would stop at nothing, try anything if there was even the smallest chance that it would give him an edge over Lupin?
But Fujiko had made the distinction clear when she first pitched the idea and Zenigata recognized it too; all those times in the past had been disguises. This time, it would just be him, laying himself bare and banking on the fact that Lupin wanted him, lusted after him; that Lupin would be too busy ogling his body and vying for a peek under his clothes to think straight.
Maybe he wasn’t afraid. Maybe he was just feeling nervous now that this was all becoming so real and there was an increasing possibility that Lupin could actually want him like that. Maybe it wasn’t fear he was feeling, but exhilaration.
Zenigata squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head fervently. He needed a drink.
Zenigata pulled open the top drawer of his desk to reveal the bottle of cheap vodka he’d picked up from a grocery store earlier that day. He had bought it just in case he needed a nightcap, or to drown his sorrows if this whole strategy was a bust and he failed to capture Lupin at the heist tomorrow.
He had a feeling the humiliation would be particularly tough to swallow if it turned out Fujiko was playing him and Lupin wasn’t 'attracted' to him in the slightest. He had mulled over the possibility at length, but it seemed a bit too unnecessarily cruel and too much effort for Fujiko to spend on something that wouldn’t help her interests at all. He had also considered that Fujiko might be Lupin in disguise, orchestrating this entire thing as some sort of elaborate mindfuck, but there were much easier ways to humiliate Zenigata if that’s what Lupin was after. No, despite his numerous doubts, his instincts told him this was real.
Ok, there was that nervous chill creeping up his spine again. Time for some vodka.
Zenigata took the bottle out and twisted the top off. Maybe a little bit of liquid courage would help him get over these nerves. He wouldn’t drink before the heist tomorrow, of course, he would have to be on his game. But what was the harm in a few drinks now before this little test run?
He took a swig from the bottle and grimaced at the taste. He was used to cheap liquor but this was particularly bad; it tasted the way paint thinner smelled. Oh well, he would make do. He sat down on his bed and flicked the TV on, drearily watching a pair of newscasters speak in German and not understanding a damn thing as he forced another gulp of liquor down his throat.
He kept drinking until his thoughts grew hazy at the edges, until the idea of putting on the outfit was less riddled with anxiety and more tinted with curiosity. Finally he put the bottle down and undressed to his underwear. With his determination growing, he grabbed all the clothes from the bed and marched into the bathroom.
Zenigata placed the clothes on the counter beside the sink and stood before the bathroom mirror in just his boxers, a nice buzz burning warm in his chest and throat. He looked himself over in the mirror, trying for a moment to understand what Lupin saw in him that was apparently so damn attractive.
He had been called 'handsome' before in his younger years by his then-girlfriends and the few male lovers he had fallen into bed with from time to time. All that seemed a world away now though, as most things in his life before meeting Lupin did. The body he saw in the mirror certainly wasn’t young anymore, he thought, surveying the frown lines in his face, the love handles at his stomach, the gray hairs beginning to creep in amongst the black ones. He didn’t know if he could still be considered handsome, but he admitted he was still as broad shouldered as ever and he had a good deal of muscle in him, even if it was buried under a few extra pounds nowadays. Maybe that was enough to be appealing.
'He’s built like a friggin’ beautiful brick house,' was what Lupin had supposedly told Fujiko. Zenigata huffed out a nervous laugh. “‘Dunno about that…” he murmured, running a big hand pensively down his chest.
He took a deep breath, mustering up some determination, and looked over at the lingerie again.
Come on, you can do this.
Zenigata picked up the bra and gingerly put his arms through the straps, letting it fall loosely around his chest and then reaching behind himself to try to get the clasp together. He fumbled blindly with it behind him for a few seconds before remembering the mirror in front of him and turning to get a view of his back in the reflection. He squinted at the clasp in the mirror and slowly threaded the two hooks together. “Damn things are so difficult,” Zenigata muttered, “hard enough getting one of these things off a lady, can’t believe putting one on is even worse.”
Once he finally had the clasp in place he turned to face himself in the mirror and his eyes widened.
“Huh,” he uttered, adjusting the flexible underband so that it sat below his pecs. It really was a beautiful piece of lingerie; the dark see-through fabric strained against his chest, its pattern of delicate woven flowers twisting over his skin, over the flattened curls of his chest hair, over his nipples. He ran a thumb down the stem of one of the flowers curiously as he turned to look himself over in the mirror. The mesh fabric stretched pleasantly as he moved, rubbing gently against his skin. The fit was firm but not too tight. It actually felt kind of nice.
Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.
He removed his boxer shorts and stepped into the panties, surprised as they once again proved to be a comfortable fit. The inside was lined with a comfortable silk material, and they had a pouch in front that was decently roomy while still being snug enough against his cock to leave nothing to the imagination. He looked himself over in the mirror and, though he probably would never admit this if he were sober, he actually thought he looked pretty good.
Not that Lupin would see all of this though. No, like Fujiko said, he should only give him a little look. That was all that was needed. Lupin wouldn’t actually see Zenigata like this , not really.
A shame. Zenigata thought, absently running a hand over his chest before shaking his head and muttering something to himself about being too drunk.
Zenigata buttoned up the tight shirt carefully over the lingerie and tucked it into the pants, which were a bit tight in the crotch, but after some fidgeting and adjusting he was pretty sure he could manage it so that they weren’t too uncomfortable to walk or run in. He had always been more of a shower than a grower though, and no matter how much he adjusted, he was still… showing.
Which was, as Zenigata could now confirm, definitely intentional.
He grabbed his trench coat too from the hook on the back of his hotel door and put it on to get a look at the full outfit. He didn’t think it made sense to wear anything else over his dress shirt besides the coat, no tie or suit jacket; it would be easier to get the buttons of his shirt open and closed quickly without those on.
With the outfit together, he supposed he should rehearse the strategy a little bit. It was only practical to be prepared.
Give him a glimpse, tease more, then catch him off guard. Zenigata recalled, looking himself over to try to decide the best way to go about this. With the way the shirt strained against his chest, he could already catch a glimpse of the black lace beneath through the gaps between the shirt’s buttons if he looked closely in the mirror. That was the first step right there, he supposed. And then, to tease more…
He undid the top two buttons on his dress shirt slowly and pulled his shirt and coat down to the side so that one of the bra straps was visible. That seemed like a pretty good approach for a tease, but how exactly would he go about it tomorrow? He needed to do it in a way that was seductive. Zenigata rubbed his chin in thought for a moment. Then he took a deep breath before he hesitantly pivoted on one heel and cocked out his hip slightly.
“... Hey, Lupin,” he whispered, sultry, experimentally, running a finger slowly along the strap of the bra before pulling his shirt back to cover it.
He cocked his head, considering.
“... Heyyyy, Lupin,” he tried again, drawing the words out breathily this time, twirling his finger in the bra strap and letting it snap against his skin before pulling away and drawing his trench coat closed.
He stared at himself in the mirror, hands clutching the sides of his trench coat, then nodded his head resolutely.
Ok. That wasn’t too hard. He could do this.
He tried to ignore the fact that this would likely be a lot more difficult for him to do tomorrow when he would be sober and actually in front of Lupin and therefore infinitely more self-conscious. That was a problem for future Zenigata.
He sighed at the thought all the same and continued his staunch refusal to acknowledge his half-hard cock until he was out of his clothes and back in his bed. And if Lupin’s name happened to spill from his lips when he came that night with his cock in his hand, dead drunk and on the edge of sleep, then he didn’t acknowledge that either.