Knowin' You're Alive

by idyllicchaos

Summary:

In the ashes of the moonshine shack, Beth and Daryl leave their old selves behind, but out of those same ashes a new hope is born. They decide to retrace their steps and look for their family. What could have been if Beth and Daryl found them together?

 

~ Moonshine Awards 2024 First Place Winner for Best Zombie Apocalypse AU (WIP) ~

Notes:

Hello Everyone! Knowin' You're Alive is basically my love letter to Beth Greene's character. Her and Daryl deserved a better story, so I guess I'm writing it myself. My goal is to update once a week. I hope you guys enjoy and I look forward to your feedback :)

Come chat with me on Tumblr, @idyllicchaos <3

Chapter 1: Today, Tomorrow, or the Next

           “I wanna start lookin’ for our family,” Beth whispered. She threw it out into the comfortable silence that had settled over her and Daryl since they watched the moonshine shack go up in flames. Morning rays of sunlight were streaming through the canopy of leaves up above. It was still early enough in the morning that the cool air hadn’t given way to Georgia’s humidity.

            Every time she closed her eyes, she still saw the crackling flames from last night and a burst of warmth filled her chest. In that moment watching the flames, she had thrown up a middle finger to just existing. She didn’t want to just exist anymore. Didn’t just want to survive. She wanted to live, because against all odds she made it.

            Beth knew finding their family was a long shot. It had been weeks since the prison fell, maybe even a month by now, but she wouldn't allow herself to have any more regrets. Daryl hadn’t spoken yet, so she looked up from the ground to see him staring at her. His blue eyes were soft, not hard like they had been for so many weeks after their home was taken from them.

            He was chewing on the inside of his mouth. Early on, after the prison fell, she realized it was a constant habit when he was deep in thought. Beth knew she was asking a lot of him, but she also knew they needed this. When she started watching the flames consume their past selves a fluttering in her chest broke free and took over her body. The hope of finding their family stirred up that same feeling in her chest. In the ashes of the shack remained a new start, a chance to be different. To be better. Even if they found them dead, it would be closure for the both of them.

            After a long silence, Daryl eventually nodded, “All right.” It was the most Beth could hope for. Her shoulders and face must have visibly relaxed, because Daryl’s head tilted slightly, his ever-observant eyes shifting with the movement. Beth was thankful he didn’t comment. She wasn't sure she wanted to get into that corner of her insecurity. Daryl made her feel safe in a world that was anything but. She thought of him as a companion, a partner to take on the world, even before they had cleared the air between them. He was constantly looking out for her and guarding her back. For a while she was numb, but even then, she always cared about what he thought. Cared what he thought about her. She wanted him to also see her as a companion, not a liability. And the fact that he took the time to acknowledge and accept her plan had been more relieving than she cared to admit.

            This realization caused a small smile to spread on her face. A month ago, she had felt nothing. Before the Fall, Beth remembered reading a book that mentioned the five stages of grief. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. She was pretty sure the mind-numbing silence that had occupied her brain was denial. Her body and mind were refusing to accept what she lost. What they all lost.

            Now, she was feeling stressed over what Daryl thought of her and her plans to find their family. She’d take that as a win. And she’d take Daryl responding with words instead of a grunt as a win too, because a month ago he was in the same place as her. When he had told her they had to go, decimated remnants of their home smoking around them, she followed him without question. She knew being numb to the world was dangerous, but she couldn’t let herself feel the loss, at least not yet. So, she just stumbled behind him for days. Her only objective was to keep those angel wings on his back in her view at all times. Eventually, they fell into a rhythm. Beth learned how to decipher his body language. How his shoulders and back tensed when a noise cracked through the silence. How he would glance over his shoulder ever so often to check she was still there, that she hadn’t disappeared like a ghost in the wind. If he needed to communicate anything more, it usually came out in a grunt or a point or a nod of his head.

            So, yes, Beth would take his verbal response to her plan to dive head first into hope as a win.

 

~

 

            “Right there,” Beth pointed at a faint, half footprint in the now dried mud.

            Daryl came up beside her, his shoulder brushing hers slightly. For the first time that day, he actually bent down and examined her find a little closer. She had been pointing out tracks for a day and a half, as they aimlessly wandered back towards the prison. So far, she’d learned the difference between walker and human tracks, but differentiating between animal prints was still difficult.

            “C’mere. Put your foot here,” Daryl pointed next to the dried print. She placed her foot next to it and a warmth spread through her body at her sudden realization. The boot print was a little smaller than her own. It could only be a child’s boot print.

            “Carl,” Beth whispered, like it was too good to be true. Too much to even hope for. Daryl glanced at her, something heavy in his eyes, as he stood up. She could see he tensed up from her verbal admission of hope, so she added, “It’s the first anything we’ve seen. Follow it to the end’a the line, right?”

            Daryl only nodded, but he was still tense, gnawing on his cheek like he so often did. Before he could continue following the tracks, she placed a tentative hand on his shoulder. He flinched slightly, but didn’t pull away. She didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, so she calmly pulled her hand away and said softly, “We’re not gonna be the last people standing, Daryl.”

            To anyone else that may have sounded bitter, nihilistic even, but they both knew that wasn’t what she meant. It was a promise to him and to herself that no matter what they found at the end of the line, they would get through it together. She’d revised what she’d said that night. Beth believed wholeheartedly that Daryl would be the last man standing, but she had also seen the look in his eyes when she said it. The fear in them had sobered her up quite a bit. Since that moment, she vowed to keep that from happening as long as possible. Yes, she wasn’t naïve. She knew she was going to die, but that day didn’t have to be today, or tomorrow, or the next.

             Daryl let out a sigh, his shoulders sagging slightly, before he finally turned to look at her. Beth could only describe his eyes as haunted. She knew that look all too well, because she was sure it was the same look she had in hers. He held her gaze. His eyes searched her face for any signs of a lie, until he nodded once more and started walking ahead. They were long past lying to each other. That burned away with the moonshine shack.

             She watched him walk ahead. The crossbow slung over his back was perfectly aligned so she could see the angel wings on his back. For a brief moment, a thought crossed her mind that shook Beth to her core.

             Daryl was her angel.

             She tucked that thought away for a time when maybe they weren’t just surviving. But, living.

 

~

 

            The tracks faded right outside a typical suburban neighborhood. Daryl was able to pick up two sets of boot prints, what looked like a child’s and an adult's. They took a chance following them. It could have been anyone's and they were only getting further away from where the prison used to be, but Beth had insisted. When the sun started to dip close to the horizon, there was a silent agreement between her and Daryl to find a house for the night and keep up their search in the morning. They settled on a small two story sitting further back from the road. It was a pale yellow with a white picket fence, a picture-perfect suburban family home. It was almost eerie how untouched it still was.

            Beth slowly made her way up the white porch steps and checked the door. It was unlocked as she expected, so she knocked her knuckles on the door. She listened carefully for any moans or shuffling, but the silence remained. She peaked back at Daryl, who was on alert scanning the surrounding area, his crossbow at the ready. Finally catching his eye, she nodded her head to the right as she withdrew her knife from the holder on her belt. Daryl hesitated, holding her determined stare, before quietly stalking around the right side of the house. She waited about thirty seconds before opening the front door and stepping inside. At first glance, she noted the thin layer of dust coating everything. It settled her nerves. It seemed no one had set foot in here since the Fall. Beth ducked to the right, clearing the dining room. And then back to the left, clearing the study.

            They had established a routine when checking out houses. If there were no signs of the dead or living, she would clear the front of the house and Daryl would go around back to clear. Then, they’d meet back in the middle to search the upstairs together. It took Daryl a while before he felt comfortable leaving her on her own, even if it was only a couple yards away, but she was adamant about wanting to prove herself. Over time, he stopped arguing with her about splitting up.

            Once she had checked all the closets and the half bathroom under the stairs, she whistled once to let him know her end was clear. Not but a second later, she heard his sharp whistle back. She followed the sound and found him in the kitchen. From what she could discern, the kitchen remained untouched just like every other room. Gripping her knife tighter in her hand, Beth gestured towards the stairs.

            Daryl went first, his silent footsteps leaving a good trail for her to follow suit. He scanned the second-floor landing, but everything remained eerily quiet, but it struck Beth as odd that all the doors were closed. Before Daryl could go any further, she lightly tapped his arm. He leaned towards her slightly, giving her his ear while keeping his eyes alert.

            She whispered as quietly as possible, “The dead don’t close doors.” Beth knew it was most likely nothing. The family could have closed all the doors before they left, someone could have closed walkers in the rooms instead of having to deal with them, but it was better to be safe.

            Daryl nodded, acknowledging. He headed towards the first and only room left of the stairs. They had established a protocol for when they thought they were dealing with the living. No knocking on doors. It would warn them of their position. So, Daryl got in front ready to open the door. Right before twisting the knob, he glanced at Beth. His gaze was focused and lethal like it always was when they cleared. What she hadn't expected was his arm coming out across her body to gently push her behind him.

            There was a small part of Beth that wanted to argue and say she could take care of herself, but there was also a much greater part that was filled with warmth. Her angel. The thought crossed her mind briefly before she tucked it away. Now was not the time, so she just nodded at him to go ahead.

            He, ever so slowly, turned the knob and opened the door. And she immediately knew why all the doors were closed. The smell hit them first. It burned her nostrils and tears started forming in her eyes. Not just from the smell, but from the sight before her.

            The room was cluttered. Books were strewn all over the floor and posters of forgotten boy bands littered the walls. Under the window was a twin sized bed. Bathed in the golden glow of the sunset, laid a girl. She couldn’t have been more than sixteen years old with the same long blonde hair as Beth, a revolver loosely held in her hand. Dried blood splattered the sheets. Before Beth could take in anymore of the horrific sight, Daryl blocked her view, but it was too late. He gently herded her out of the room and shut the door behind him, but she couldn’t unsee the vacant look in the girl's eyes with the side of her head blown off. Even after the door was closed, the sight was still branded on the back of her eyelids.

            Beth couldn’t move. It felt like her feet turned into cinder blocks, keeping her rooted to the spot. Her hands and arms were heavy with lead. That could have easily been her, if she decided to use a gun instead of a piece of broken glass. She would have been just another dead girl in a long line of dead girls, her body six feet under next to her Mama, Shawn, Otis, and Sofia. Maggie and her Daddy would have moved on without her and she would've just become a distant memory. Her Daddy. Beth could have been with her daddy by now.

            Beth.

            She heard her name bounce off the prison walls of her mind, but she couldn’t reach it. She was drowning, unable to come up for air. She took the steps two at a time, spiraling down into her own despair.

            Beth.

            Why was she here and that girl wasn't? Was it luck? Fate? Both?

            Beth. 

            Then, she felt a tug on her arm grounding her back in reality. Beth turned her tear-stained face towards the only person able to ground her. For all she knew, they were the only two people left in the world. He had held her life in his hands more times than she could count and he never once let her down.

            Daryl was wholly focused on her as he said, “Ya ain’t her,” he emphasized every word, “Ya hear me, Beth? You’re still here.” His voice was gruff and certain, but she could also hear thickness in his voice that wasn’t normally there.

            Beth swallowed down the lump in her throat and whispered back, “I know… I’m still here.” The statement seemed to settle them both. The reassurance that she was still here with him was everything. Not just for Beth, but for Daryl too. A few moments passed and he was still gripping her arm, not wanting to let go.

            “You ain’t gettin’ rid of me that easily,” she concluded, trying to add some levity.

            Daryl huffed, the corner of his lips upturning just slightly. He finally let go of her arm and nodded, his eyes turning down towards the ground. When he walked around her to go check the rest of the rooms, Beth swore she heard Daryl grunt under his breath, “Good.”

 

 

             He insisted on clearing the rest of the rooms on his own and Beth didn’t have the energy to argue. Instead, she busied herself with securing the doors downstairs with some rope and spare furniture. Once Daryl was done clearing, he went out back and cooked up the last of their squirrel.

             Lucky for them, the rest of the evening went by without a hitch. Only a couple walkers came ambling by, but not enough to risk going out to take care of them. So, they kept their activity to a minimum. The silence between them was comfortable, something that wasn’t a common happenstance until they cleared the air between them at the shack.

             Daryl finally broke the silence when she started packing the rest of their supplies for tomorrow, “Take the bed upstairs. Might actually get’sum real sleep tonight.”

             “Where’re you gonna sleep?”

             He nodded towards the couch pushed up against the front door. Beth felt a rebuttal bubble up in her throat, but she pushed it down. If he felt the most comfortable there, then who was she to argue. Besides, she had already thought through how the conversation would go and she was pretty sure she didn’t want to go there:

            “You should really take the bed.”

            “Nah. I’m good.”

           “I’d feel better if you took the bed …”

            Then he’d give her that look. The one that makes it impossible to stay quiet and because she doesn’t like uncomfortable silences, she would blurt out the truth. And the truth was, she couldn’t sleep without him. She needed him nearby. In a way, she knew he had become a crutch for her, but he also made her stronger. Beth didn’t feel weak or useless with him. Regardless of these new discovered feelings, now wasn’t the time. So, she didn’t argue, which was happening more often than not nowadays.

            “Okay, see you in the mornin’?” Beth stalled, before heading up the stairs.

            “Mhm,” He nodded, eyes still locked on her.

            As she turned and headed to bed, a genuine smile spread across Beth’s face.

 

 

           Beth tossed and turned until well after midnight. The room was pitch black with the curtains on the windows drawn shut, so the surroundings couldn’t even keep her company. She tried staying still and tricking her brain into going to sleep, but that failed miserably. After another few minutes of restless repositioning, she threw caution to the wind and dragged herself out of bed. Grabbing the pillow and comforter, she headed downstairs. Too tired to second guess her decision.  

           Beth found him sprawled out on the couch, his head resting on the cushioned arm furthest from the door. The floor at the foot of the couch was empty, so she set up there. It wasn’t until her head finally hit her pillow, that Daryl spoke, clearly also not having fallen asleep yet.

           “What’re ya doin’?” His voice echoed into the darkness above her.

           “Sleepin’. What’re you doin’?” She replied. Daryl was quiet for a moment until she heard rustling.

           Beth turned to look up at him getting off the couch and crouching above her, “Ya ain’t sleepin’ on the floor.”

           “Daryl, I’m fine, really. Go back to sleep,” She was not going to let him win this one. She used her stern voice, usually reserved for small children, but hoping it would coax him back onto the couch, “I’m not movin’.” But she should’ve known better. Daryl wasn’t going to let it go that easily.

           Although it was dark, Beth felt his gaze on her, making her skin tingle, “Ya had a good bed and now you’re fightin’ to sleep on the floor,” he stated, “So, what? Ya miss the cold, hard ground or sumthin’?”

           “Ya, sumthin’ like that,” Beth concurred.

           She had him there. Daryl grunted and pushed himself back up to the couch. She’d take that as a win. Daryl spent most days running himself ragged trying to take care of them both. He deserved some actual rest. Well, he deserved far more than that, but rest would have to do for now. Or maybe she could offer him something more. Beth had no doubt she would die for the man lying above her, so why was it so hard to offer him a small piece of vulnerability?

           Beth was slowly consumed by sleep, but she wouldn’t let herself live in regret. Not anymore. So, before sleep could fully claim her, Beth whispered out into the void, “Hard floor. Comfy bed. The cold, hard ground. None’a that matters,” She paused, building up courage, “But…hearin’ each breath you take, knowin’ you’re alive…that matters.”

           She wasn’t sure he heard her, but she could rest easy knowing she spoke her truth out into the world. It was real. Just as much as the man beside her was real. Just as much as she was real. They were alive and tomorrow was a new day.

Chapter 2: A Crack of Thunder

Notes:

Hey everyone! I decided to upload this chapter early :) Thank you guys so much for all the love on the first chapter of this story! Here is the next chapter. Would love to know your guys' thoughts! I put some of my explanations for the chapter in the end notes if anyone is interested. Hope you all had a great weekend, enjoy!

        But…hearin’ each breath you take, knowin’ you’re alive…that matters.

        It kept replaying in her head. She didn’t regret a single word of it, but as the morning sunrise started shining through the windows, she knew Daryl had heard her. When she woke, he was already in the kitchen. The atmosphere was tense, but that wasn’t what tipped her off.

        Daryl wouldn’t look her in the eyes. He kept his head bowed, fidgeting with God knows what on his crossbow. As she took in her surroundings, she found a granola bar set on the counter opposite of him and her shoulders relaxed somewhat. If he was still setting food out for her, that meant she hadn’t scared him into full shut down mode. The pain of going back to how they were before the moonshine shack was almost too much to bear. Beth decided Daryl just needed time, so she’d give it to him. She’d give him all the time in the world, if she could, but time had become precious. Sacred, even. So, yes, she would give him space, but that didn’t mean she was willing to stew in silence.

        “Good mornin’,” Beth spoke softly, approaching him like a frightened animal.

        He stopped working on his crossbow and glanced at her briefly, still not meeting her eyes. His head dipped slightly, giving her a nod, before turning his full attention back on his weapon. Honestly, it was more than Beth could have hoped for. He wasn’t giving her the cold shoulder. So, she parked herself on a stool and ate her breakfast, letting Daryl have his time.

 

 

       The day was crisp and sunny. Perfect weather for tracking. When Daryl finally stood and swung his bow over his shoulder, Beth knew it was time to go. She quickly secured another layer of duct tape around her boots, threw her pack over her shoulder, and followed him out the door. They back tracked somewhat to where the boot prints had ended. Daryl scoured the ground in a semi-circle around the prints, making sure he didn’t miss anything yesterday.

       Beth decided to try a different tactic as Daryl examined the ground next to the road for any more clues. She looked around at all the different houses, each had various pros and cons of a potential place to hold up. As she scanned the surrounding area, her eyes caught on a big white house on her left. A large oak tree concealed the majority of the front yard. Pro. Windows lined the first and second floor, which provided ample exit points. However, those same windows provided unwanted visibility. And that is exactly what caught her attention.

       All the windows on this one house had the curtains drawn shut. Some of the material covering them didn’t even look like curtains, but like spare blankets. Beth scanned all the other houses on the street. Some of them had their curtains drawn, but most were open. Some even had various windows open. Not this house.

       Something in Beth’s gut soared. In a world like this, having too much hope could be a death sentence, but this wasn’t hope. It was intuition. Beth just knew. She knew this was it. She knew behind the door of that white house was what they’d been looking for, or at least partly. Just a small piece of something was way more than nothing.

       Her feet carried her across the street and through the front yard. The paint on the porch was chipping and some parts of the gutter were coming away from the roof. Each step felt like an eternity. Beyond her own heartbeat pounding in her ears, she recognized the groans of the wood under her feet. She could feel each part of her foot hit the ground, heel to toe, heel to toe. Everything was happening so slowly. Her body was moving on its own accord and somewhere in the back of her mind she registered the burning of her lungs as she held her breath.

       And then she heard it.

       A faint burst of laughter came from inside the house. What sounded like a boy and a woman. She followed the sound and ended up in front of a window. Through a parting in the curtains, Beth saw, maybe, the most beautiful sight she had ever seen.

       Carl was seated at a dining room table talking animatedly with Michonne. Before Beth could move for the door, the ground came up to meet her. Her knees hit the porch as they stopped supporting her weight. Her breathing was coming fast and shallow, but a laugh still bubbled out of her chest. Tears streamed out of her eyes catching on her lips, the saltiness exploding in her mouth. To anyone else she must have looked like she lost it.

       “Beth!” She vaguely heard Daryl yell from the road. She wanted to tell him that she was okay. That everything was going to be okay. They weren’t going to be the last people standing, but all that came out were strangled sobs and incontrollable giggles.

       And then the front door burst open. Standing to her right in all his glory was Rick. He clocked her immediately. All her strength came back in one instance and she launched herself at him. Rick wrapped his arms around her, latching on to her like she was his own daughter.

       “Beth…” He mumbled into the crown of her head. When she pulled away to look at him, the heartbroken disbelief in his eyes nearly brought Beth to her knees again. A watery chuckle burst forth from her once again, unbelieving of their luck. Words evaded her. All she could do was reach up and pull him back to her, afraid that the instant she let go all of this would fade away like a dream.

       Rick suddenly turned his head towards the yard, like a hound picking up on a scent. She followed his line of sight to Daryl standing in front of the porch steps. His crossbow was slumped by his feet. Beth untangled herself from Rick and rushed to Carl and Michonne who had appeared in the doorway.

       As she clung to Michonne and Carl, she watched the interaction between the men. Daryl would never admit it, but she knew Rick was on the top of the list of people he hoped to see again. The reunion between them was slow, but Beth thought she had never seen so much love behind someone’s eyes. The tension finally broke as Rick grabbed Daryl and pulled him to his chest. Daryl’s hands gripped the back of Rick’s shirt, like a lifeline.

       The sight only made Beth sob more. She caught Daryl’s eye finally and a smile broke out across her face, so full and genuine her cheeks started to ache. And maybe she was wrong, but she could have sworn Daryl’s eyes lit up at the sight. It wasn’t exactly a smile, but it was damn near close and she couldn’t remember a time when she was happier.

 

~

 

       “How’d ya’ll make it out?” Rick asked. There was no judgement in his voice. No incredulous look thrown Beth’s way. He wasn’t surprised that she had made it out with her life. Affection fluttered in her chest. It struck her that there was a time when she was frightened of the man in front of her. It felt so long ago and now she would give up her life for him.

       The winter they were out on the road, before the prison, her fear of him turned to respect. That respect turned to admiration when he continued to lead their family after Lori died. Admiration turned to love when he gathered them all together and told them they were the greater good. That he wasn’t their Governor. How they lived and how they died was up to all of them, not just Rick. She glanced at everyone around the table and felt comfort in knowing she would give up her life for every single one of them.

       The haze of the past cleared and Beth spoke up first, “Daryl found me, after everything was already over. I had gone back inside to look for…” She trailed off, realizing too late that Judith wasn’t with them. Beth felt sick. Up to this point she had assumed Judith got out, but the probability of that seemed entirely too low now.

       She kept going, because if she saw that empty look in Carl and Rick’s eyes one more time, she’d lose it, “We ran. There was nothin’ left, so we just kept runnin’. It felt like Daryl led me clear across Georgia,” she teased, trying to add some levity, “We didn’t decide to start lookin’ for people until a few days ago.”

       She glanced at Daryl who was standing behind her right shoulder, asking him with her eyes if he wanted to add anything. She guessed he was too wound up to take a seat at the table. All he did was nod, still biting the inside of his cheek. Beth turned back towards Rick, “How about ya’ll?”

       “Me and Carl got out together. Wound up at this place,” Rick gestured around, “Michonne found us yesterday.”

       “More like stumbled upon,” Michonne interjected.

       Beth wanted to ask about Maggie and the others, but she already knew the answer just from the stories being swapped around. No one knew where anyone else was and Beth didn’t want to bring the room down by asking. They sat at the dining table for another hour, catching up and just basking in the presence of family. It wasn’t until about noon that Michonne insisted on going to look for supplies with Carl.

       Daryl and Rick offered to go, but Michonne was adamant about them resting up. Apparently, Carl had already explored the area somewhat, so there was no debate about him going. Plus, Beth sensed Carl needed to talk to someone like Michonne. The fact that she was here was a saving grace for them all, but especially Carl. He needed her right now more than ever.

       As soon as they were out the door, Beth’s maternal instincts kicked in. She pointed at Rick, “Alright, you, upstairs. You heard Michonne. You need to rest.”

       “I’m al-,” Rick tried to insist.

       “No, upstairs. I’ll wake ya up when they get back.”

       Rick side-eyed Daryl with his eyebrows raised. He was faced with an amused expression, as he replied, hands held up, “Yes, ma’am.”

       He retreated out of the dining room. When Beth heard the creaking of the stairs, she turned back towards Daryl, “You should get some rest-“

       “Nah,” he grunted in reply, “I’m good. I ain’t need it.”

       “Daryl…I know you didn’t sleep well,” she sighed, “It’s just a couple hours. You need rest.”

       “So do you,” he countered.

       “Someone needs to keep an eye out. I couldn’t sleep even if I wanted to,” She slowly made her towards him, “I’m gonna sort through our supplies. Add our stuff to theirs. See what we need.”

       Daryl’s eyes darted back and forth across her face, until he finally stood up and nodded, “Alright… but, if ya hear anythin’, ya come get me an’ Rick. I don’t care if it’s a crack of thunder or a possum hissing on the porch. Ya come get me. Got it?”

       He was bent forward slightly, so he was on the same eye level as her. The soft, but ever so serious, look in his eyes made goosebumps break out on her arms. Beth was lucky she was wearing a long sleeve cardigan or she was pretty sure Daryl would pick up on it immediately. She nodded, her voice coming out breathy, “I promise.”

       Daryl stood up to his full height, nodding, “Good.” And he walked towards the stairs without another word.

 

~

 

       Beth explored the house as thoroughly as she could, noting all the exits, windows, and hiding places. The front door was the only entry point not locked and covered. It was easier that way for when Michonne and Carl came back. On her third round of searching through the bottom floor, she found a loose floorboard in the study, hiding under the back leg of the desk. It didn’t take too much effort to pry it open. Surprisingly, the hole was a lot bigger than she expected and there was only a small grey metal box inside, enforced by an even flimsier combination lock.

       She’d break open the lock later, when everyone wasn’t asleep. If they were lucky, it would be a gun and a full clip of ammo, but she had a feeling it would be money, or passports, or something of that sort. Basically, useless. Carl and Rick were the only ones that had guns. It would be nice to have something besides a knife to defend herself. She put everything back, leaving the floorboard slightly off center. She made a mental note to not forget about it later.

       She finished her scouting of the house within what she assumed was an hour and she got to work sorting through what’s left of their food and gear. About halfway through separating the perishable and nonperishable foods, Beth heard something that made her heart drop. She rushed to the kitchen window, crouching low to keep herself hidden. Peering out the window, she saw a group of six or seven men whooping and jeering as they strolled down the middle of the street like the dead weren’t roaming the Earth.

       Beth prayed under her breath that they would pass the house, but it seemed their luck had run out. As quick as she could, Beth haphazardly shoved all their supplies back into the bags and stashed them in the dishwasher. She hid or cleared anything that made it look like the house was occupied. By the time she dashed up the stairs, she could hear the men clambering up the front porch steps.

       She ran to Daryl’s room first. He was asleep in the little boy’s room, to the right of the stairs. Trying her best not to startle him too much, Beth placed her hand on his shoulder and gently shook him. Daryl bolted upright, his hand reaching for the hunting knife on his belt. The alarm in his eyes subsided as his eyes focused on her. She settled her pointer finger on her lips and her other hand pointed downstairs, where she now heard the men rummaging around. Daryl’s gaze hardened, as he silently grabbed his crossbow and they crept to Rick’s room at the top of the stairs.

       From what Beth could hear, the men were still occupied with searching the kitchen, study, dining room, and living room. They silently slipped into Rick’s room, alerting him to the men downstairs.

       Beth raised seven fingers and pointed downstairs. She pointed at Daryl’s crossbow and held her arms up like she was holding a rifle, trying to indicate they were heavily armed. Rick nodded and shared a quick glance with Daryl. It looked like they had a whole conversation and came to an agreement within a matter of seconds. The yelling was getting louder as the men made their way towards the stairs.

       Daryl and Rick jolted into action at the same time. The former grabbed Beth’s arm and led her towards the bed. He carefully guided her under and mouthed, “Stay.”

       There was no room to argue. Beth made a promise to him a long time ago that if, not if, when, they got into a situation like this she would listen to him no matter what. So, she stayed put as Daryl and Rick split up into two different rooms on opposite sides of the stairs.

       It didn’t take long for the men to make their way upstairs. All Beth could do was pray they could make it out without alerting them. And then an even worse realization hit her, Michonne and Carl. If they came back unaware…she wasn’t going to go there. Right now, she had to deal with the situation at hand. They would cross that bridge if they had to.

       Only three of the men came up the stairs to clear. The guy with the compound bow went to check the room on the left, while the man with the brown vest made a beeline for the half bathroom. The final man came up last, his bandana low on his forehead. He started walking towards Beth’s room.

       She held her breath, hoping he’d just clear it and leave. The hand gripping her knife at her belt was shaking. She practically jumped out of her skin when the man yelled, “Claimed!” And threw himself unceremoniously on the bed above her.

       Beth’s other hand not gripping her knife clamped over her mouth. All her energy went into not making a sound. Movement in the hallway outside caught her eye. A flash of Rick’s cowboy boots popped out of the room on the right and dipped into the bathroom. She wanted to warn him about the man, but it was already too late. Rick was a survivor. He’d be okay. She had to believe that.

       Not long after, she heard a quiet thud come from that direction and she froze. The man above her didn’t move a muscle. From the lack of yelling coming from the bathroom, she assumed Rick killed the occupant. Across the hallway, Daryl slid out of his room on the left. He crept along the wall, coming towards Beth’s room.

       “Tony! Where ya at?” A voice shouted from downstairs.

       Apparently, the man above her was Tony, because he got up and yelled back, “Goddamn, fuck off. I’m tryin’ ta sleep!”

       She heard another man making his way upstairs and saw the corner of Daryl’s crossbow duck back into the room he came from. Beth thought it looked like a sick game of hide and seek.

       “Ya claimed that room or ya just throwin’ shit to the wind?” The man asked, aggressively.

       “Ya deaf? I claimed it,” Tony responded, shoving the man back through the doorway.

       “Well, it don’t much matter, if ain’t nobody hear it,” He responded.

       Within a blink of an eye, the man grabbed Tony. Two pairs of feet scuffled around. One planted and the other kicking, struggling. Eventually, Tony stopped kicking and went limp. The other man dropped his body to the floor right in front of Beth. She froze. The man’s body couldn’t be but a foot away. He was unconscious thankfully, but dread coiled in Beth’s gut. If these men were willing to choke each other out for a bed, she didn’t want to even imagine what they would do to people they didn’t even know.

       The blonde man yelled, “Claimed!”

       He threw himself on the bed, leaving Beth in a predicament. If Tony woke up, he would spot her immediately. She could still hear shuffling and talking downstairs, but by her count there should only be two or three left.

       Beth kept her breathing quiet and waited. She couldn’t move until she was certain the man above her was asleep. So, she waited for a sign, but she didn’t need to because Rick and Daryl were making their way down the hall to her room. Beth assumed the man was asleep or at least had his eyes closed otherwise they wouldn’t risk creeping in.

       Daryl’s boots crept to her right alongside the bed and Rick knelt next to the unconscious man. Rick’s knife plunged into his skull without hesitation. Once upon a time, she would have been disturbed by the squelch and crunch of the blade entering the man’s skull. But in that moment, all she could feel was relief.

       The pool of blood was almost at her fingertips before she felt a hand reach for her. Beth grabbed Daryl’s hand and squirmed as quietly as she could from under the bed. And the sight she beheld was simultaneously comforting and horrifying. Daryl and Rick stood covered in blood and from the looks of it none of it was theirs. She wasn’t horrified because of what they had done. She was horrified for them. All the things they had to do to protect the people they loved had to take a toll. It would hit them eventually and it would hit them hard, but she was selfish. All the things they had gone through to get to this point had molded them into people that would do anything for their family. And when they eventually broke, she would be there to help put the pieces back together, but right now she needed them to be just how they were. Covered in blood of people that tried to kill them.

       Rick pulled Beth in to whisper in her ear, “We gotta kill the rest of them. If Michonne and Carl get back before…”

       “We finish it,” Daryl turned his gaze to Beth, emphasizing every word, “You stay here.”

       “We can just intercept ‘em out on the road. Ya’ll don’t need to risk it,” Beth whispered back.      

       “Nah, we finish it. Ain’t riskin’ dealing with these assholes again,” Daryl said.

       Rick gave a nod, concluding the discussion. Beth placed herself flat against the wall behind the door of the room, her knife at the ready. Rick crept out of the room first, Daryl at his heels. He gave one last glance over his shoulder before he left down the stairs.

       Beth waited with baited breath, hoping this would all be finished quickly and quietly. She tuned her ears into every creak of the floorboards, every voice, until she heard the unmistakable whoosh of Daryl’s crossbow and the thud of a body hitting the floor. That’s when the yelling started. Then there was a loud bang. A gunshot. And everything went quiet.

       “Well, would ya look at that. I thought it sounded too quiet up there,” A voice declared from downstairs. A separate voice mumbled something in response.

       “Now you both look like a couple sorry sons of bitches…Too bad, could have been useful, but I’m guessin’ a whole bunch of our friends are dead. Amirite?” There was a pause, before he concluded, “Now, you’re both gonna die. And it ain’t gonna be quick.”

       The white noise of the gunshot ringing in her head subsided, as the situation fully sunk in. Beth’s whole body shook. Not with fear. All the fear had run out. The only thing left was unbridled rage. She had just gotten part of her family back and she didn’t care if she had to burn the whole world down. She wouldn’t let any more of them die. Not if she had anything to do about it.

Notes:

So, I was always interested in the idea of what would happen if Beth and Daryl found Rick, Michonne, and Carl. This is my take on that. I try to keep things as realistic as possible whether its the dialogue or the actions of the characters. Beth's arc with the claimers, in this story, is supposed to, somewhat, mirror her arc at the hospital. Because even though I really disliked how the hospital arc was handled, I think the lessons that Beth learned there were incredibly valuable.

I decided pretty early on that I wanted the reunion between Daryl and Beth and the others to happen pretty early on. I didn't want it to feel rushed, but I wanted to have these group of characters together as quickly as possible.

Another note, my reasoning for Rick not deciding to sneak out of the house like he did in the show is purely because I think he would feel stronger with Daryl at his side. He would think they actually have a chance of taking these guys out instead of running. He wasn't as caught off guard by the claimers because Beth was on watch, so they had a little extra time to plan and figure everything out.

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed! And as always I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Chapter 3: You Believe That?

Notes:

Happy Sunday everyone! Trigger Warning for this chapter: Attempted SA. So, please be careful!
Thank you again for all the love on this story so far. As usual, I will leave my thoughts and explanations for the chapter in the end notes! I look forward to hearing your comments and thoughts.

       The multitude of windows in the house had quickly become a pro in a relatively short list of pros. All Beth could think as she shoved open the bedroom window, was she had never been happier to be small. It allowed her to easily slip through the window and lower herself from the porch roof onto the railing without much noise. From what she heard, the two men were holding Daryl and Rick in the living room.

       She wasn’t granted time to come up with a full proof plan, so she settled for the first thing that came to mind. It was do-or-die and the latter was not an option. Usually, a good plan had multiple fail safes just in case something went wrong. She sent up a prayer, because her entire plan hinged on one thing. It was beyond stupid, but there was no time to think. She had no weapons, save her knife, and she was too small to even think about trying to attack either of the men regardless of their size. Not to mention she wasn’t sure what kind of weapons either of them had.

       She approached the window to the study. Luckily, the old style of the house allowed her to open it from the outside using a little bit of leverage and her knife. Crawling through, she could hear footsteps outside the door to the study going towards the kitchen.

       The leader, she assumed, yelled, “Watch’em! If they move, kill’em.”

       The loose floorboard was still slightly crooked, exactly as she left it to mark its location. She carefully removed the grey box. When she forced the box open, she’d have five seconds, tops, before she was caught. She had to make them count. The lock was old and flimsy enough that with a little leverage it would pop.

       Placing both of her boots on either side of the box, she grabbed onto the lock. Beth took a deep breath and pulled with her arms, while simultaneously pushing the box away with her feet. Like she expected, the lock broke with a loud clang. Throwing the lock aside, she threw open the box. It seemed her prayers had been answered, because sitting like a pretty present was a small fully loaded revolver.

       She could hear someone yell, “What the fuck was that?”

       There was a lull in all noise, even the birds outside stopped chirping, until heavy footsteps started making their way towards the study. Beth scrambled to hide the box back in its original place. She had just enough time to hide the gun in her pants and tuck her shirt behind the knife at the front of her belt when the door to the study flung open and hit the wall.

       A man with greasy, greying hair appeared in the doorway, gun poised to shoot. A vile smile spread across his face, “Well, woulda look at that.”

       Beth harnessed all her willpower to not immediately shoot the man in the face after the door opened. She couldn’t risk killing him and then the other one shooting Daryl or Rick. So, there wasn’t much Beth could do as he grabbed her by the root of her ponytail and hauled her into the living room. She tried her best not to fight or yell out. Being a meek little girl was exactly who they expected her to be, so that’s the part she would play.

       When her eyes landed on a still breathing Daryl and Rick, the utter fear in their eyes almost made her second guess her plan. Should she have just trusted them to handle this? Would this all be for nothing?

       Beth’s eyes began to water from the strain on her scalp. The other man with severely thinning hair and a revolting smug smile, disarmed her of her knife, but didn’t take the time to search for any other weapons, before his hands started roving over her body. The other man held her still against him. She made a note that only the leader had a gun.

       “Don’t touch her,” Daryl growled, “I will gut-“

       “This is what’s gonna happen,” the greasy man interrupted, “You killed our friends and she obviously means something to ya. So, we’re gonna take her and you’re gonna watch. Then, I’m gonna put a bullet through her beautiful head,” he relayed like he was listing off errands he had to run.

       Rick’s strained voice replied, “It was just me. They had nothin’ to do with it.”

       Beth’s whole body was thrown off center as the leader pushed her into the arms of the other man. He forced her to the floor right in front of Daryl. For a second her eyes connected with his. All the fear, the adrenaline, and the anger disappeared for that one second. And then her hips were pinned to the floor by the man’s knees. His knife was positioned at her collarbone.

       Everything shut down. Beth went limp. Tears still streaming out of the corner of her eyes. Her body and brain went on autopilot as she let this man pin her to the floor. She could vaguely hear Rick yelling, but all she could hear was buzzing. Over the shoulder of the man above her, she saw the leader pointing his gun at Rick. She turned her head to the left and saw Daryl staring down at her unshed tears in his eyes.

       As the man’s free hand started to reach for her pants, Beth’s hand crept underneath her for the revolver digging into her back. She had one shot at this and only a second or two. Everything slowed down and sped up simultaneously. Her fingers gripped the handle of the gun and in one swift motion Beth aimed over the shoulder of her attacker at the head of the leader. And she pulled the trigger.

       The shot rang out through the house, echoing in Beth’s skull like a ping pong ball. Within milliseconds everything changed. The leader’s head jerked back as he fell to the ground in front of Rick, a small bullet hole in his cheek. His life forfeit by her hand. Before she knew what happened, all the weight on top of her disappeared and she was being dragged away.

       She realized pretty quickly that Rick had tackled the man off of her. Beth looked down at the arms hoisting her away. She knew those hands, those calluses. All at once, her body and brain returned from autopilot. Her eyes focused once again and she saw Rick poised on top of her attacker’s limp body repeatedly stabbing him. The Rick she loved was gone and stood in his place was someone pushed past the breaking point. And she wasn’t sure that was a bad thing anymore, because as she watched the blade enter the man over and over again, she felt nothing but relief.

       As her mind and body came back to reality, she squeezed Daryl’s hands three times letting him know she was okay to stand on her own now. His arms loosened immediately and she turned to face him. Before he could react, she wrapped her arms around his torso and hugged him. Her cheek rested against his chest, his heartbeat pounding wildly in her ear. She felt his head lower, connecting with the top of hers. When she pulled away and looked up at him, Beth saw Daryl’s face change. His eyes, once searching for any signs of injury, were now fogged over. His face dropped along with his shoulders. Daryl shut down, pulling away from her physically and mentally. The warmth from his proximity and concern dulled with each passing second. And that may be more distressing to her than anything that happened in the last couple of minutes.

       It wasn’t until he started walking away from her that she started buzzing. Everything went taunt and her relief at being alive turned in white hot anger. And the only person to aim it at was right in front of her, “Don’t do that. If you’re upset, cry. If you’re angry, yell at me. But don’t give me that silent treatment bullshit!”

       Daryl stopped in his tracks, his shoulders tensing up. He whirled around, brows furrowed in anger, and stalked towards her, “I told ya to stay upstairs, girl!”

       “If I had, you might be dead and I’d of ended up alone. And what about Michonne and Carl? Huh? They woulda been comin’ back to a house full of enemies and their dead family!” She wasn’t going to back down, especially not about this.

       Daryl pointed at her, “You shoulda just left us! Shoulda been smart. Found Michonne! That asshole almost- “

       “Daryl,” Rick called out, but Beth held up a hand, stopping him, without breaking eye contact with Daryl.

       “Almost. He almost did, but he didn’t,” she paused, “And now he’s dead. And we’re not.”

       Daryl’s eyes darted around her face, unable to argue with that. The anger was still there, arms tensed, looking like a caged animal. He looked at Rick over Beth’s head. After a moment of silent communication between the two, he glanced back at her and held her hard gaze. He reached down, slung his discarded crossbow across his back and headed for the back door.

       After the door slammed shut, she took a deep breath and finally turned towards Rick. He was still standing by the mutilated body. His once white shirt was now mostly red. Splattered blood caked all over his face and neck, but behind all the blood Beth saw the man she considered family. Maybe a couple months ago, she would have balked at the sight of him. At what he had done, but that was before she saw her daddy’s head get chopped off. The vivid memories of that day hit her square in the chest, causing her to suck in a deep breath. Beth focused her eyes back on Rick. She had a job to do.  

       Rick watched her timidly as she drew closer to him. If she was a betting woman, she would have thought he was making himself smaller so as not to scare her. To put him at ease, Beth gave him a small smile as she grazed past him to the kitchen. Careful to not look at the mangled corpse as she passed. Beth spotted what she needed almost instantly. A rag sat on the counter next to the sink. Their gathered provisions nearby. Although they didn’t have much to spare, she poured a bit of water on a relatively clean rag.

       When she reentered the living room, Rick was sitting on the floor, back to the corner of the room. Beth carefully made her way over, sinking down to sit next to him.

       “Here,” she said softly, placing the damp rag in his lap.

       He nodded, but made no move to pick it up, “You…y’alright?”

       There was a pause as Beth thought, but she came to a conclusion rather quickly, “Yeah…I’ll be okay.” Rick nodded more to himself than anyone else. She continued, “I would do it again.”

       “I know,” he replied.

       Beth huffed out a hoarse laugh that she wasn’t even sure would qualify as a laugh, “You’re not angry?”

       He shook his head, “You shouldn’t of had to-”

       “It was gonna happen sooner or later.”

       Rick finally turned towards her, “Yeah, it was.” His head tilted to the side making sure to catch her line of sight before he continued, “We’re grateful. Both of us.”

       The corner of her lip quirked up, “I know.”

       There was a moment of silence that settled between the two of them. A blanket of peace that didn’t seem possible with two dead bodies littering the floor. Beth breathed in this rare moment of calmness before preparing for the next storm. Not long had passed when Rick pulled her in and placed a feather light kiss on the crown of her head. He stood up, taking the rag with him, “Carl and Michonne’ll be back soon,” he glanced towards the back door Daryl left out of, “Y’alright here for a bit?”

       Beth nodded. Daryl needed Rick right now more than she did. He needed his brother.

 

~

 

       Thirty minutes went by before Michonne and Carl came back. The two bodies downstairs had been disposed of by the time they got back, but the blood splatter and large pools of blood were still in the living room. It didn’t help that a lot of the house was completely white.

       Rick didn’t have to say much. Michonne took one look at the living room and knew all she needed to know. All anyone cared about was that everyone was safe. Although, Beth saw Rick take her aside briefly and when they got back Michonne looked more disturbed than she did before.

       Beth needed to keep herself busy, so she went to distribute dinner. With their supplies combined, they could easily have a can of food each. She busied herself opening cans of beans into bowls, thankful they actually had bowls to eat out of. Some semblance of normalcy was always welcomed. Beth had accepted, long ago, that this was their normal now, but it was still nice to have small reminders of a time where eating with silverware and dishes was a common occurrence.

 

 

       Beth turned in early that night even though she was well aware she wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight. Her body ached from the harsh treatment it went through earlier, her scalp still tender. Even though her body was exhausted, her mind was still in survival mode. She couldn’t shut off the spiraling thoughts, no matter how hard she tried.

       What really haunted Beth wasn’t the constant replaying of her bullet ripping through the man’s cheek, or the way she could still feel the ghost of grimy hands roving her body, or the sounds of Rick’s knife tearing through flesh. Those things would continue visiting her in her nightmares, but that wasn’t what physically made it hard to breathe. It was the look on Daryl’s face. Completely broken and unable to do anything. The image of him on his knees looking down at her will forever be painted on the back of her eyelids. The corner of his lips twitching downward, his fists clenched against the hardwood floor, strands of his hair clinging to his sweaty face, his anger fading to pleading. Completely and utterly hopeless. If she never saw that look on his face again, it would be too soon.

       Beth didn’t know how long she had been trying to sleep when she heard the door to the room creak open. Her grip instinctively tightened around her knife, but it quickly relaxed after seeing Daryl slide through the door. Always the silent hunter.

       He closed the door behind him and sat down on the floor, back against the wall. For the first time, Beth didn’t feel the need to speak.

       “You coulda died,” Daryl rasped out.

       She let the weight of that sentence hang in the air, knowing she couldn’t dispute it. Beth sat up from the bed and lowered herself to the floor across from Daryl, “I know,” she paused, contemplating the best way she could explain herself without this devolving into another full-blown argument, “But you were in just as much danger as I was. I wasn’t gonna sit back and just do nothin’,”

       “Maybe ya shoulda,” he countered.

       Beth let out a sigh, “Daryl…It happened. It’s over. I can’t change it,”

       “Ya can’t do that shit again. I couldn’t… I needa know you won’t do it again,” His voice softer, almost begging.          

       “Nobody can promise that anymore. We’re-“

       “Beth-”

       “We do this together. You can’t protect me from everythin'. Just like I can’t protect you from everythin'. All we can do is try. And that’s what I’m gonna do. Whether ya like it or not,”

        Daryl’s head leaned back against the door, as he huffed, “You’re a pain in the ass, ya know that?”

        “Maggie always loves to remind me,” Beth said with a chuckle, until she realized what she said. A sharp pain struck her chest, sucking out all the air in her lungs. It held her in a chokehold and silence fell heavy between them. She hadn’t allowed herself to think too much of Maggie, her fierce older sister who would do anything to protect her. When they found Rick, Michonne, and Carl, she thought, in that moment, she could’ve died happy. But underneath all that love and relief, the feeling of disappointment reared its ugly head. Disappointment that it wasn’t Maggie they found. The disappointment was quickly washed away by a wave of shame. She needed to be grateful for this small victory. Hell, it wasn’t even a small victory. It was everything.

       So, when she saw part of her family all reunited around a dinner table, Beth decided she needed to savory the moment. She knew she may never see Maggie again, but that sort of thinking never got anyone anywhere.

       The small corner of Beth’s heart that she locked away and reserved for hope was opened just a sliver as she whispered out into the void, “She made it.”

       And she wouldn’t allow for anything different. The last time Beth had shown just an ounce of hope Daryl snuffed it out with cruel, pointed words. She understood now that hurt people hurt people, but she was, again, taking a chance and showing him that her hope was still alive. Beth trusted Daryl with her life and she always would, but it was a scary thing to admit when all she could remember were those cruel words: “Everyone we know is dead!”, “You ain’t never gonna see Maggie again.” They played in her head over and over again, so she locked away her hope. Until now.

       “Ya. She did,” Daryl finally said.

       Beth’s eyes shot up and refocused, finally looking at the man across from her. It struck her how relaxed he looked. He wasn’t fidgeting with his knife, like the last time they had one of these conversations. His eyes weren’t darting from looking at her to the ground. He was completely still and looking right at her like he was willing her to understand that he meant and believed every single word.

       And Beth believed him.

       Something in her settled. She hadn’t realized how much keeping that part of her hidden was weighing on her. At first, she just thought talking about Maggie would hurt too much, so she kept it to herself. Then, it turned into not wanting to burden others with that loss. Beth knew that having hope in times like this was dangerous, but it was more dangerous to not have any hope at all. That revelation alone allowed her to finally breathe again.

       And a genuine smile started to form, “She’d be offended if anyone even questioned it.”

       “Mhm,” Daryl grunted, with an amused look in his eyes, “You Greene sisters would tear this shithole world apart ‘fore ya let it drag ya down.”

       She hesitated slightly at Daryl’s confession. Her words from the moonshine shack came rushing back, “I know you look at me and you just see another dead girl. I’m not Michonne. I’m not Carol. I’m not Maggie. I’ve survived and you don’t get it ‘cause I’m not like you or them. But I made it and you don’t get to treat me like crap just because you’re afraid.”

       She had to let all that go that night. She used to constantly compare herself to Carol, Michonne, and Maggie. They were strong and it made sense that they made it, but it hadn’t made sense to Beth how she had. She wasn’t physically strong like Michonne. Wasn’t mentally strong like Carol. And wasn’t emotionally strong like Maggie.

       But that thinking had burned down with the moonshine shack. She made it. She chose to live after she decided to give up. And she wasn’t going to waste the life she chose wondering how she was still here. For a moment Beth could have sworn she felt overwhelming warmth surrounding her, reassuring her she was on the right path.

       “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you all,” she admitted, “Tear the world apart, burn it to the ground, but there are still good people and they deserve something better, not worse… We deserve something better.”

       Daryl watched her carefully before saying, “Ya still believe that?”

        “That we deserve better?” Beth questioned.

        “Nah, that there’re still good people?” There wasn’t any judgment in his tone, more curiosity than anything. Maybe some veiled disbelief.

        “If we hadn’t believed a man carrying his dying son onto our doorstep was someone worth trustin’, none of us on the farm woulda made it. Not Daddy, not Maggie, and certainly not me,” Beth replied, “Tyreese, Sasha, Zach, Karen, Bob, Dr. S. They were good. And they’ll be more.”

        “You woulda made it just fine,” Daryl replied.

        Beth waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. He was still looking at her expectantly, like he wanted her to say he was right. But she couldn’t, it would’ve been a lie and they didn’t lie to each other. So, she responded with the same question he asked her, “You believe that?”

        Daryl nodded, but Beth hadn’t ever needed words to believe him. It seemed there were no more words to say, so Beth got up and grabbed the two pillows and the comforter from the bed behind her. She placed them on the floor side by side and pulled the comforter over her as she laid down to go to sleep.

        She wouldn’t push Daryl to sleep next to her, but she left the option open for him to take it or leave it. Beth felt a weight lifted off her shoulders after their conversation, so sleep found her faster than it usually did. Right before she started losing consciousness, she heard him move from the wall down onto the floor next to her. His shoulder brushed hers, providing a soothing wall of warmth. Before Beth fully succumbed to sleep, she reached for Daryl’s hand. It was rough and calloused, but familiar. Beth squeezed his hand twice, hoping to convey her thanks not just for today, but for everything. He squeezed back, allowing her to finally fall into a deep sleep.

Notes:

So, what did you guys think?

Beth's plan is an extremely risky one, but I found it fitting for the situation. She's a very smart person, but this is also a high pressure/high stakes situation and there isn't any time to think anything through (at least from Beth's perspective). She is also still young, like 18/19 at this point, so a little recklessness wouldn't be unheard of. So, I understand that finding a gun in the box is basically a miracle, but I figured its not too crazy an idea that someone has a gun hidden away, especially in Georgia. Plus, Beth trying to get at the claimers with just a knife wasn't an option. She would have lost that battle immediately.

As I said before, I wanted this situation with the Claimers to mirror her arc in the hospital, at least somewhat. That whole part with the Claimers is supposed to be reminiscent of the scene between Beth and Gorman. Gorman was her first kill in the show and in this story Joe the Claimer is her first. Regardless of who it was, it will have a huge impact on her even though its not necessarily shown in this chapter.

I would also like to address Beth's inner monologue before she starts yelling at Daryl. Specifically this sentence, "And that may be more distressing to her than anything that happened in the last couple of minutes." I wanted to showcase the beginning of some slightly unhealthy co-dependency issues. This sentence was in no way trying to minimize the trauma Beth just went through. The hospital taught Beth that she can survive on her own and she is strong enough to make it in this world. This Beth has not yet experienced something like that, so, yes, she may think that Daryl makes her feel stronger, but she doesn't necessarily believe she actually is stronger. I also wanted to show her sidelining her own trauma to focus on others.

As for the famous Rick biting out Joe's neck scene, I really tried to fit it into the story somehow, but it just wasn't working. Which is such a shame because that scene was so important in the show, but since this story is about Beth I decided to just set it aside for the sake of her story. Rick still goes through that same rebirth and I think that's shown just as well with his reaction to the other claimer he brutally killed and I think since it wasn't Carl he was defending it shows how much Rick cares about every single person in his family.

Funny note, when I first wrote the part between Rick and Beth I was so happy with how it ended up. However, when I went back and reread it during editing, I realized I wrote it with WAY too much chemistry that was verging on romantic lmao! So, I had to rewrite that scene real quick. I don't know maybe I'll write a Brick fanfic in the future lol! Never really thought about those characters being anything but platonic, but who knows.

The "brother" scene between Daryl and Rick does happen when Rick goes to find Daryl. I might add it in as a flashback in a later chapter.

Last, but not least, the conversation between Beth and Daryl at the end required many rewrites, but I do love how it ended up. I wanted to incorporate a conversation that was similar to the one they had at the funeral home about still believing there were good people. This is my take on that conversation in a completely different situation. I truly believe that the Claimers (at least how it went down in this story) wouldn't have swayed Beth's opinion on good people, however I'm not sure that can be said for some future events in the show. But we'll see!

I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! I would love to hear your thoughts!

Chapter 4: That's Enough

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Here a new chapter for you! This is a bit of a filler chapter with some nice calming fluff before shit hits the fan. Surprisingly, this chapter is a bit longer than the others. As always, the end notes will have all my thoughts and explanations for the chapter. I hope you enjoy!

       Rick could still feel the blood. It was long gone and now soaking into a damp rag in the kitchen sink. The early morning breeze flowed through the open window on the second floor. For once it didn’t carry the stink of rotting flesh. It momentarily lulled Rick into a false sense of safety and peace. His eyes closed, taking it in and then it disappeared just as quickly as it had come. A guttural growl broke his trance. He was sitting near the window with a rifle in his lap. He took the last watch, unable to sleep anyway. The sun was coming up and he could hear Michonne starting to stir in the room down the hall.   

       A single walker was ambling down the middle of the road, dragging its right foot behind him. Rick used the scope on the rifle to check for more, but it seemed to be the only one. He wasn’t particularly worried about walkers anyway. It was the living that they needed to be worried about now. They couldn’t be caught unaware again. He counted himself lucky that Beth stepped in, that Carl wasn’t there to see who he had to become, but they were no longer behind the safety of fences. It was different out here and they all needed to change to survive.

       A soft knock behind him brought him back to reality. Michonne stood in the doorway looking more alert and awake after a few hours of sleep.

       “How long you been up?” She asked, shifting her weight to lean up against the door frame.

       “I took over for Daryl,” he replied, not really giving an answer.

       Michonne sighed and started towards Rick, “You were supposed to wake me. You’re still healing. You need rest more than any of us.”

       “Couldn’t sleep anyway. When was the last time you got more than a couple hours?” he eyed Michonne waiting for an answer.

       She signed and reached for the rifle, “I’ll take over. Go try to get a couple more hours.”

       Even though Rick wanted to argue, he could feel the exhaustion creeping in. He nodded and placed a hand on her shoulder giving it a light squeeze as he passed. He had just made it over the threshold into the hallway when Michonne called out, “Can you wake up Daryl? He wanted a head start to hunt.”

       Rick waved a hand, indicating he heard her. He went to Daryl’s room down the hall. All he was met with was an empty room, the rising sun slowly starting to shine through the window. He wouldn’t be surprised if he left after he took over his shift a few hours ago. So, he went across the hall to check on Beth. She tried to take a watch shift last night, but everyone protested trying to reason that three shifts was plenty for everyone to get enough sleep. He was surprised that she didn’t argue the topic more, which only caused him to be more concerned.

       The door to her room was still closed and he couldn’t hear any movement, so he quietly cracked the door to peek inside. Rick halted. What he saw hadn’t surprised him, but it still made him pause. Beth was curled up against Daryl’s side, like she was drawn to him even in her unconscious state. Daryl was laying on his back, his hand loosely intertwined with Beth’s.

       A genuine smile bloomed on Rick’s face, his heart settling into contentment. When Beth and Daryl first found them, he had seen the way they both changed. It was easy to see they made each other better. Beth was already strong, but Rick could see she finally started to believe it. Daryl was a constant force by her side, never overtaking her, but supporting her. He brought out her confidence. And Beth allowed Daryl to breathe and feel. Even when he was surrounded by family, he isolated himself. She brought him out of his shell and gave him space to be vulnerable.

       Rick quietly closed the door, wanting to let them sleep. He’d gladly take the scolding from Daryl later. His boots thudded against the hardwood floor as he reentered the room Michonne now occupied. She turned towards him.

       “I’m gonna let ‘em sleep,” he said with a smirk.

       Michonne’s eyebrows shot up, a radiant smile spreading across her face, “No…you’re kidding? Wow… Never thought I’d see the day.”

       “You n’ me both,” Rick replied, slumping back down on the bed.

       A more serious look crossed Michonne’s face, “They both deserve to be happy… after everything.”

       “Yeah…They do.”

 

~

 

       Hershel was smiling up at her. He was kneeling on the ground holding the chicken she had nursed back to health.

       "Good job, Bethie.”

       “Can we show Maggie?” she asked, excitedly.

       "Maggie’s not here,” Hershel said, looking at her with confusion.

       Beth’s heart skipped a beat, “What’da ya mean? I just saw her.”

       She looked towards the barn where she just saw Maggie, but what she found wasn’t the barn, but prison fences. A horde of the dead was pushing up against them. Some in the front were even imbedded into it. The diamond fence pattern cut into their faces like some sick cookie cutter. The sheer weight of them caused the fences to bend. Beth turned to her other side and saw smoke billowing up from the rubble of the prison. Distant cries of a baby reached her ears. She jolted into action.

        "Daddy, Judith!” Beth turned back to Hershel to help him up, but he wasn’t the only one there anymore. The Governor towered over Hershel; a scowl painted across his face. He was looking through her, gripping Michonne’s katana in both hands.

        “Please…don’t,” she begged. As if her words were a trigger, the Governor raised the katana.

        “No! Please!” Beth leapt towards him, hoping to set him off balance. She crashed into him, knocking him to the ground. It wasn’t long before she was overpowered and the Governor was on top of her pushing the katana into her throat. She could feel the droplets of blood sliding down the sides of her neck.

        Beth looked into the Governor’s eyes and only saw pure hatred. She refused to look away. She wanted him to see her eyes as she died. Beth had saved her daddy and that was enough. More than enough. Before the Governor could take her head, his face started to change. To melt and blend. The katana at her neck disappeared and was replaced with a knife.

       The Governor was no longer there. In his place was the Claimer, a vile laugh bursting from his lips. Beth bucked her hips, trying to squirm away.

       A voice she recognized spoke, “Ya lied.” She turned her head to the left and saw Daryl kneeling, looking down at her. A look of devastation clear on his face, “Ya promised I wouldn’t be the last man standin’.”

 

 

           

       Beth jerked awake. The nightmare slowly fading into the background, but the emotional toll remained. Her breathing was shallow and her heartbeat was erratic. The first thing Beth noticed was the heat. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was stifling. She shifted slightly, moving her head up and cooler air washed over her. Her eyes finally adjusted. The ceiling stared back at her and from the fact that she could see every detail in the crown molding let her know she slept in.

       As the nightmare continued to fade and her heartbeat returned to normal, everything started coming back to her all at once. Finding everyone, dealing with the Claimers, the argument with Daryl, and finally their conversation last night. Even though a nightmare chased her from sleep, Beth couldn’t remember sleeping through a whole night since the prison fell. She turned her head back to the right and realized why she had been stifled. Daryl was still asleep next to her, his left hand intertwined with hers. It hadn’t taken Beth long to realize she had buried her face into his arm while she was sleeping.

       Something in her chest fluttered at the sight of him sound asleep next to her. He looked so serene and unbothered. A stark contrast to the Daryl she saw in her nightmare. She couldn’t remember ever seeing him so peaceful. Usually, he would still have a furrowed brow or he’d be tensed up, hands clutching his crossbow. It gave Beth a hint about whether he was really sleeping or just resting. After the prison fell, the circles under Daryl’s eyes grew darker the more they ventured off on their own. He never slept past the sunrise. In fact, it never seemed like he slept at all. The level of exhaustion he must have been dealing with was probably more than she could ever imagine.

       Yes, she was also exhausted, but she was still able to sleep when they were on the road. Even with the nightmares coming and going. So, she wouldn’t wake him. He spent weeks taking care of her and keeping her safe. This was her chance to start returning the favor. Beth squeezed Daryl’s hand gently and then got up and started making her way to the kitchen.

       Based on the position of the sun, she could tell it was a little bit before noon. Most of their food was still piled together on a small table. Shuffling through a couple things, she settled on a can of navy beans and a granola bar they could share between the two of them. The beans would hopefully tie them over until dinner. Beth split the beans and granola bar between two bowls and started back.

       Light chatter she hadn’t heard earlier was coming from the room at the top of the stairs. With the two bowls in hand, she peaked her head in. Michonne was propped on the window seat with one of the dead Claimer’s rifles in her lap, keeping an eye on the neighborhood below. The chatter was coming from Rick and Carl who seemed to be knee deep in a card game on the bed.

       “Good mornin’,” she said softly, not wanting to startle anyone. A chorus of mornin’s rang out in the room.

       “Sleep well?” Michonne asked with a twinkle in her eye.

       “Ya, better than I have in a while,” Beth replied, matter-of-factly. Michonne glanced over at Rick, a subtle smirk on both their faces. She decided not to comment, but she gave them a questioning look nonetheless. She raised the two bowls slightly in front of her, “I’m gonna go give 'im this before he wakes up and blows a gasket about sleepin’ til noon.”        

       Carl snickered, “I’m on Daryl watch.”

       Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Daryl watch?”

       Rick interjected, “I was supposed to wake ‘im to hunt after my shift... Thought ya’ll could use the sleep.”

       Beth froze, a blush forming on her cheeks. Rick had seen them. She wasn’t embarrassed, more taken aback. Daryl and Beth had been living isolated. There were points where she convinced herself that they were the only two people left in the world. They lived in a bubble. Both of them had changed after the prison and again after the moonshine shack. It was a gradual change to her, but it was probably a pretty drastic change to them. She never thought she’d have to bring other people in on her relationship with Daryl. It was an odd realization.

       Before she could spiral anymore, Rick nodded towards his son, “Carl needed a job. I told ‘im to watch my back for when he came barrelin’ down the hallway.”

       She smiled, turning away to go back to her room. “Might wanna get your guard up Carl,” she said over her shoulder as she reentered her room.

       As Beth scanned the room, she found Daryl already up, pulling his leather vest back on over his shirt. A wave of nerves swirled in her gut at the sight of him. He looked at the two bowls in her hands and his eyebrows raised ever so slightly. She handed him his breakfast, hoping the nerves wouldn't make an appearance in her voice, “Mornin’. There wasn’t much to choose from. It should get us through the day or at least until we can go hunt.”

       Beth let the we slip out, expectantly, hoping he wouldn’t brush her aside now that it wasn’t just the two of them.

       Daryl took the bowl from her outstretched hand, “Thanks.”

       Both of them took all of five minutes to consume their food. More like inhale it, if Beth was being honest, but manners seemed to be all but a distant memory now. After finishing, she made to grab both their bowls, but Daryl beat her to it. Giving her a look that said, don’t you dare.

       “I’d be careful out there. Carl’s on watch for a ‘Daryl sightin’’. Rick didn’t want you sneakin’ up on him after he let ya sleep in,” she joked.

       “Smart son a’ bitch,” he grumbled out. A true laugh bubbled out of her at his feigned indignation. Behind his gruff annoyance, she could see the gleam of true affection for Rick.

       As soon as the laugh burst from her lips, Daryl froze. All his fidgeting ceased as he stared at her with a thinly veiled look. He scanned her face at the sudden burst of emotion.

       “What?” Beth asked, worried he heard something she hadn’t.

       “Nothin’,” he paused, his eyes traveling from her eyes to her mouth and back up, “Ain’t heard that in a while.”

       Her mouth opened to respond, before what he said truly sunk in. Then, it hit her and no words came out. He made such a deep and sincere observation. It caught her so off guard. A minute ago, they were joking around and now they were here. She tried to think back and identify the last moment she had truly laughed. Maybe yesterday, when she saw Michonne and Carl for the first time? But she would categorize that as more exacerbated sobs, not a true laugh that wasn’t burdened or darkened by some hardship simmering in the background. All that remained in her head was the truth, so she spoke it.

       “I can’t remember…” her voice barely above a whisper, like if she spoke too loudly the truth would rear its ugly head, snapping at the heels of them both.

       Daryl held her gaze for a long time before he spoke, like he was trying to decide whether to tell her what he was actually thinking or to brush it off. It seemed like he went with the former, “I was out near the gates, workin’ on that damn bike. You were holdin’ Judith out in the field. Rick put his hat on ya… An’ your dad...”

       Beth was yanked back in time. She remembered.

 

       It was a cool, cloudy fall day. Rick and her daddy were teaching Carl how to farm. Judith was settled in her arms, enjoying the crisp air. Carl had dropped his hat digging into the dirt.

       Rick bent down picking it up, “Gonna have to get ya a farmin’ hat,” he turned towards her, smiling, placing the hat on her head, “There’s a new sheriff in town.”

       “How’s it look?” Beth laughed. She continued to bounce Judith on her hip, basking in this moment of peace with her family.

       Rick chuckled, “It’s good.”

       Her daddy threw Rick his farming gloves, “It can be like this all the time.”

       Rick let the statement hang in the air, the ghost of a smile still on his lips, “It’s like this now. That’s enough.”

           

       Beth came back to reality, tears in her eyes. So many emotions intertwined, overwhelming her, “You remember that?”

       Daryl nodded, chewing on the inside of his cheek. He had no idea the gift he had just given her. For weeks the only thing she could see when she thought about her daddy was the Governor slicing through his neck. Daryl had just given her back a beautiful memory that she had forgotten. Memories were the only thing anyone had to hold onto anymore.

       A few tears slipped out as she whispered past the lump in her throat, “Thank you.”

       Even with the weight of those words clear, she knew a simple ‘thank you’ would never be enough to convey how grateful she was to him. For him. Those feelings she had pushed aside for another time were bubbling to the surface, ready to boil over. But this thing they shared was already so delicate. It was precious to her and the thought of falling back into what it was like before was enough for her to put the lid back on. For now.

       He was still staring at her, reading her like a book and trying to decide what to do with the crying girl in front of him. Beth started wiping away her tears. Daryl sensed the shift in the atmosphere and her need for a change in subject, because he offered her a hand up and said, “Come on. Got sum huntin’ to do.”

 

 

           

       Beth heaved the crossbow to her shoulder, readjusting her stance to better distribute the weight. When Daryl had said they were going hunting, she thought it would be him hunting and her watching. But with a few squirrels under his belt, Daryl thought it would be a good idea to start teaching her how to load and hold a crossbow.

       “Good. Get that elbow up,” he said from behind. Beth repositioned, but she guessed it wasn’t exactly right because he came over and lightly pushed her shoulder down with one hand and raised her elbow with the other. He didn’t linger, but she felt her face heat up nonetheless.

       Beth was lucky she had her back to him. It wasn’t like it was the first time he had casually touched her, but her feelings for him were closer to the surface now. And she was finding it harder and harder to keep them at bay. Each touch sent an electric wave through her whole body, like a shot of adrenaline.

       “Better?” she asked.

       “Mhm. Try for that tree ‘gain.”

       Beth lined up her shot, the ghost of his hands still on her skin. She held that feeling close, hoping the memory of it could replace the grimy feeling of the Claimer’s hands that tended to invade her mind.

        She dragged a deep breath in. As she let it out, she pulled the trigger. The arrow whooshed through the air, bouncing off the right side of the tree and leaving a groove. Daryl walked around her to collect the fallen arrow.

       “What was it that time?” she asked.

       “Ya moved as ya pulled the trigger. Like ya over-bracin’ for recoil or sumthin,” he replied. As he spoke, Beth passed back his crossbow.

       “It was better than last time,” she said, good-naturedly.

       “Gave ‘em a good shave off the side that’s for sure,” he teased.

       “Hey, at least I hit somethin’. That’s more than I could say an hour ago.”

       “Mhm…whatever ya gotta tell yourself.”

       Their playful banter was cut short as the crunch of forest brush reached their ears. Daryl whipped his head around searching for signs of danger. Beth closed the distance between them, pulling her knife from its holster. She went to reach for her newfound revolver when a walker stumbled through the trees.

       Before she could be relieved it was just a walker and not another person, a few more started popping up all around them. The moans and growls growing louder the closer they got to their next meal. They could clear the way and make a run for it, but potentially leading walkers back to the house wasn’t an option. It would draw too much attention. She looked at Daryl, determination already brewing, “Eight.”

       That was all she said before she lunged for the first one. Her blade sunk into its skull before it could even reach for her. One down. She kept close to Daryl, not wanting to open a gap between them and cause them to get separated. She remembered the formation they used at the prison to clear the walkers, back-to-back, so nothing could come up from behind. The whoosh of Daryl’s crossbow pierced through the air twice. Two. Three.

       The next walker that came ambling towards Beth was a lot bigger than the last, a lumbering man in overalls. Momentum would be her saving grace. As the walker swiped at her, she caught its arm and pulled it towards her. A risky move if her aim was poor, but the already stumbling walker dove head first into her blade. She was just quick enough to avoid its falling body. Four. Behind her, she heard another body hit the ground followed by the squelching of a knife leaving the soft part of the skull. Five.

       Two walkers were closing in on Beth, both gunning for her. Her brain went into overdrive. She knew she couldn’t take them both out before they were on her. So, she decided to get rid of the bigger one first and hope she could wrestle the smaller one away. Her blade plunged into the first one’s skull. Six. The other walker was already on her, grabbing at her wrist. Using her leg, she pushed the body of the dead walker into the other. It bought her just enough time to gather herself and place her forearm on the neck of the walker. She planted her feet, trying to hold it away from her as she got a better grip on her knife, the stench of rotting flesh overwhelming her. The sound of teeth gnashed in her ear. With the last tendrils of her strength, she surged forward pushing the walker far enough away for her to plunge her dagger into the side of its head. Seven.

       A welcoming silence finally filled her head, until she realized that was only seven. She spun around to see Daryl’s knife go through the last walker’s head. Eight. He turned to look for her before the walker even hit the ground.

       His eyes darted over her face and body, looking for bites, “Ya alright?”

       She nodded, “Just tired. You?”

       He nodded, “Good.” He started collecting his arrows, cleaning them off on the nearby walkers, “Need ta get ya another weapon. That dagger ain’t gonna keep cuttin’ it.”

       She nodded and then realized his back was to her, “Ya, somethin’ quieter than the revolver. More reliable than the dagger.”

       “What ya think I been teachin’ ya for?” he finally started walking back towards her.

       She grinned, her energy slowly coming back, “Cause ya love my company.”

       He snorted, “Nah, definitely ain’t that.”

       “Whatever ya say, Mr. Dixon,” she teased, giving him a lazy salute.

       An odd look crossed Daryl’s face. It was piercing and wild, like something suddenly took him over without his permission. And then it was gone as fast as it had come. Her brow furrowed as the lightheartedness disappeared and was replaced by a tense, heavy silence. She scanned his face, still confused, until he turned his back. He had never looked at her like that. She tried to think back and then it hit her. It was desire. For that split second he was looking at her like he wanted her. She couldn’t be sure, but even the possibly made her body start to buzz.

       Beth didn’t want him to spiral any more than he seemed to already be doing. So, she played dumb, hoping he didn’t catch on to her deception.

       So, with sweat plastering them both from head to toe and walker bodies littered around them, she made an attempt to let him know everything was okay, “We should get back ‘fore more start ta show up.”

       He didn’t respond for a second, but he finally looked back around at her, the moment before, forgotten, “Come on,” he agreed and waved her forward. Back the way they had come.

           

 

       It wasn’t long before they had to circle around another group of walkers. They had ventured further than they probably should have to hunt, but it was worth it for the five squirrels Daryl got. However, they kept having to reroute around larger groups of the dead. As the sun was starting to set, they finally circled back to the railroad tracks. Beth hadn’t recognized this particular stretch, but she remembered the last time they had stumbled across them. The image of bodies torn apart flashing in her mind.

       “We have maybe another 2 hours ‘til it starts gettin’ dark,” she said.

       “We’re an hour out if there ain’t more trouble. Follow this for a while and then veer off east,” he replied.

       So, they kept to the tree line, but followed the tracks. They were about to veer off East when Beth saw some abandoned train cars up ahead, but it was the large rectangular piece of cloth flapping in the wind that caught her attention. She tapped Daryl and pointed towards it before heading over. The red rusted cars were covered in graffiti, probably abandoned way before the world ended. Hanging from the cars was a sign and a map.

       Sanctuary for all. Community for all. Those who arrive survive.

Notes:

This chapter was a lot of fun to write. I got to dabble in a lot of things that I was super excited for when I first started planning out this story. We started with out first Rick POV. One of my favorite things to read in other Bethyl stories was how the other characters reacted to finding out about Beth and Daryl's relationship. Although they aren't in a relationship yet, Rick is a smart and observant guy. He knows where its going lol. There's some minor Richonne in there too, which was fun to write. Don't worry we'll be getting more Michonne in later chapters.

The nightmare scene, even though heartbreaking, was actually a lot of fun to write. I kept it short and fast paced to mimic that dream-like feeling. There's a lot of nice fluff afterwards, so forgive me!

As for the flashback, I was trying to scan my brain to remember if we ever get to see Beth really laugh in the show and the only moment I can remember is that flashback scene in 4x16 at the very end. Luckily for me, if you watch the scene, you can see Daryl in the back and I figured that would be the perfect memory to put in this story. It's a huge turning point in the show. I was so happy to be able to add it in even if it has more value as an emotional point in this story.

The eight walker scene was also a lot of fun to write too. I hope you guys can see the scene clearly. I tried my best to be more straight forward, so the fight doesn't get all jumbled up. It's the first time we're seeing Daryl and Beth fight walkers together in this story. Their dynamic is an interesting one and I wanted to show how it has grown.

Last note, I was never a fan of that trope where "innocent" women are clueless when a guy looks at them with a "thinly veiled look". So, I flipped that on its head in the last scene. Beth is confused at first cause she's never seen Daryl look at her like that, but she gets there eventually. I think Beth is very good a reading people, rooms, emotions, and accessing what people need. Those abilities don't just all disappear when desire is involved. Although to be fair, the look passed Daryl's face for like a second, so she isn't going to push it.

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed! As always let me know your thoughts. I love chatting with you guys in the comments. See you next Sunday!

Chapter 5: Venus Flytrap

Notes:

Hello everyone! Here's another chapter. Hope you guys enjoy! As always, my thoughts and explanations for the chapter will be in the end notes. I'd love to know your guy's thoughts. No pressure, but I would suggest at least looking at the very last note. It gives a little teaser into the upcoming chapters :)

       Terminus.

       It wasn’t a long discussion. They couldn’t keep wandering house to house. The nights were already starting to get cold. A bigger community would give them a better chance at survival. Carl shouldn’t have to grow up on the road, constantly feeling on edge and looking over his shoulder.

       It could very likely be a trap. They would have to be ready, but even the smallest possibility it could be real was enough to try. And, if anyone else from the prison saw that sign, they could be there. It was a lot of 'coulds', but it was better to try even if they were wrong.

       Beth couldn’t help but feel a little ray of hope. If there was even a slim chance that Maggie saw that sign, she could be at Terminus. She wouldn’t foster that hope too much, but it was there. She would handle the disappoint when it came, but, regardless, if she was there or not, she knew Maggie was out there somewhere.

       Everyone got busy packing as soon as the conversation concluded. They would leave at sunrise and try to cover as much ground as possible. Based on what Daryl remembered of the map, it could take anywhere from a couple days to a week to get there depending on the kind of trouble they ran into. Beth wished walkers were the only thing they had to worry about, but that seemed highly unlikely even for an optimist.

       Beth hadn’t slept well that night. She panicked when Daryl said he was going to sleep in the room on the other side of the hall. It was selfish that for a split second she was willing to sacrifice his comfort for hers, but she would never force him to do anything he didn’t want to do. She knew his hesitation came from what happened between them after they took care of the dead. It seemed to freak Daryl out quite a bit, like he crossed an imaginary line that he created in his own head. Or maybe he just got scared that she had noticed. Whatever it was, Beth didn’t care. She just wanted him with her, even if he was silent, brooding, and grumpy. The thought of him being even just across the hall filled her with dread.

       “Okay… mind if I ask why?” she feigned confusion. It seemed Daryl had found something very interesting on the ground, but at least she had got him to stop gathering his things.

       “Just think it’s better,” he finally replied.

       She pushed back, “For who?” She waited for a reply, but it didn’t come. He finally looked up at her, seemingly trying to understanding where her frustration was coming from. So, she took a risk, which seemed like all she did nowadays, “Cause it ain’t for me.”

       He never responded, but he didn’t need to. Actions were how Daryl spoke to people. Beth learned that early on, way back when the farm was still standing. She was sure he would turn his back on her and leave, but to her surprise, he started putting his stuff back where it was. To give him some space, she slept on the bed, but even the comforting rhythm of his breathing couldn’t lull her to sleep. And even the comforts of a bed wouldn't do it either. All she could think about was they would be going head first into the unknown and it could be a huge mistake. It consumed all her thoughts until the first rays of sunlight started creeping through the window.

           

 

       Daryl got up from the floor, threw his vest on and left the room. Beth guessed he was going down for food, but for once she was thankful he left, because she could finally let go. Her emotions had been overwhelming her all night and she was tired of pushing them down. In the sanctuary of her little cocoon of blankets, she finally let the dam break. A sob escaped her throat, tears flooded out of her eyes. All the events of the last few days hitting her all at once.

       Disappointment, shame, rage, regret, elation, desire, disgust, and above all else, fear. Sobs wracked through her body, making it hard to breath. Beth tried to settle herself, but the floodgates were open now. The disappointment hit her first, that it wasn’t Maggie that they found. Then, the shame immediately followed for even thinking that. She loved Rick, Carl, and Michonne and she was beyond grateful, which only made the shame worse.

       The rage followed. Anger at the world and what it turned into. What people turned into. Anger at who she had to be and what she had to do. The trigger she pulled and the life she took ripped through her memory. Beth kept telling herself he deserved it. It was Daryl and Rick or him. She’d make the same choice again, but she couldn’t help but feel her daddy was looking down on her disappointed. The thought of Hershel seeing who she had become made her hold her chest, trying to keep herself from shattering.

       Regret pierced through her heart for many things. She regretted not looking for Judith harder after the prison, regretted not shooting the Claimer in the head right as he walked into the study, regretted not telling Daryl how she felt. It all came crashing down. All the decisions she should have made and all the consequences she had to live with. Even all the good feelings of elation were overpowered by fear. The joy at finding Rick, Carl, and Michonne was overpowered by her fear of losing them. The happiness at Daryl opening up to her or of this newfound desire she felt for him were all overpowered by uncontrollable fear.

       Beth always felt afraid, constantly. She felt stuck in fight or flight mode, looking over her shoulder every second of every day. Unable to make a right decision. She was afraid of what they would find at Terminus or, maybe even worse, what they wouldn’t. She was afraid to close her eyes at night, constantly praying she wouldn’t see the Governor or her daddy’s head rolling. She was afraid of letting her mind rest because that’s when she would start to feel the Claimer’s hands on her skin, burning like a brand.

       She used to be afraid to die, but now she was more afraid of the pain of losing anyone else. She wasn’t strong enough to handle another person she loved leaving her in this world. Not waking up and feeling Daryl’s strong warming presence next to her sent a stab of pain through her chest. Not waking up in the morning to the chatter of Michonne and Carl or Rick’s watchful eyes.

       Beth wasn’t sure how long it had been since Daryl left, but she hadn’t even started trying to make herself presentable when she heard his boots on the stairs. She sat up trying to calm her breathing and wipe her eyes. Not much could be done for the redness, so she made herself busy gathering the small amount of stuff she had.

 

 

       Daryl had decided to gather breakfast this time. It was the least he could do after everything Beth had gone through. And after everything he put her through. She was facing away from him when he had woken up and he assumed she was still asleep.

       Unsurprisingly, Rick was already awake and in the kitchen, rifle slung over his back watching the neighborhood out the window. An unfinished can of soup still sitting on the window sill. He finally acknowledged Daryl as he stepped through the threshold, “Sleep any?”

       “Nah, you?” Daryl grunted back.

       “Ya,” he replied.

       Daryl narrowed his eyes at him, “Seriously?”

       “Nah, just wishful thinkin’,” Rick said with a smirk that was borderline ominous. In normal circumstances, or at least as normal as it got anymore, Rick was someone not to fuck with. But Rick with no sleep was dangerous. He remembered those months after Lori died. He was uncontainable, unpredictable.

       Daryl reminded himself that this was different, but he could already see the change in Rick. The moment that knife entered that Claimer was the moment everything shifted. Daryl could almost see it in the air as all the burden and responsibility of being a leader landed on Rick’s shoulders again. Daryl vowed he’d always have his back, no matter what.

       He grunted in response as he began opening cans for breakfast, “Where’s Carl n' Michonne?”

       “Makin’ one last run ‘fore we get movin’” he said, “They’ll be back soon.”

        Nodding, he poured the canned green beans and last can of soup into two bowls. He rummaged around for some spoons before Rick spoke up, “Drawer left'a the stove.”

       Daryl looked over his shoulder at Rick giving him a pointed glance. The knowing grin on Rick’s face was enough for him to grunt, “You’re a son of’a bitch, ya know that?”

       All Rick did was chuckle, as Daryl walked out of the kitchen with food for him and Beth. Making it to their room, he listened for a second and heard her up and about. Carefully balancing the bowls, he opened the door.

       Beth was across the room. Her back was to him, seemingly organizing her stuff to leave. “Here,” he said, voice still coming out gravelly from sleep. He set the bowl on the dresser behind him. The clink resonating through the quiet room.

       Her back was still turned as she said, “Thanks.”

       Daryl knew immediately something was wrong. Her voice was soft, but it was shaking, like if she spoke above a whisper her voice would break. She continued to fidget with her things.

       “Your bag ain’t gettin’ anymore packed.”

       She finally stopped and took a deep rattling breath. Daryl’s voice softened, “Turn around.”

       Beth turned towards him, but kept her eyes lowered to the ground. Her blond hair wasn’t up like it usually was making it easier to hide her face from him.

       “Look at me, Beth.”

       He watched as his words hit. Her shoulders tensed and then slumped, obviously fighting something, as she finally made eye contact with him. And his stomach dropped, because looking back at him was not Beth. The brightness that always exuded out of her was gone and in its place was shadows. Her lips that were normally smiling were now pulled into a frown, but what really sucker punched him were her eyes. The redness only highlighted the sunken, haunted look in them.

       Daryl took in a deep breath, gripping the edge of the dresser trying to calm himself down. He knew everything had finally caught up. He was hoping all the grief and the stress of losing people would skip over her, but it had come like it always does. Anger started boiling up in his gut and all he could feel was shame for not protecting her.

       He didn’t know what to do to help her. Beth always knew what to do and what to say. He was at a loss. So, he pushed aside his anger, remembering how he hated when Merle answered everything with anger. Pushing off the dresser, he approached Beth, “Let it out, girl.”

       As his words washed over Beth, her face broke, hands coming up to cover her face. All those times after the prison fell when Beth had broken, Daryl had failed her. Never offering comfort or stability. He couldn’t let that happen. Wouldn’t let that happen, not again.

       Daryl closed the distance between them and placed his hands on her shoulders. Mimicking what she did for him at the moonshine shack, he pulled her towards him. As his arms came around her and she connected with his chest, Daryl felt her melt into him. Beth no longer hid behind her hands, but instead buried her face in his chest. She held onto him and he didn’t let her go until she was ready.

       Eventually, her breathing started to even out. She still hid her face in his chest until the dry sobs stopped. When she finally pulled away from him and looked up, those shadows in her eyes were no longer there. Some of the brightness was back and a small smile started forming on her lips. He knew it was for his benefit, but it eased the ache in his chest a little.

       He finally let his arms drop, already missing the feeling of her there, “C’mere,” he said, walking back to the dresser and picking up her food, “Eat.”

       She grabbed the bowl without complaint and sat down to eat. It didn’t take long for them to finish. As Beth scrapped the bottom of her bowl, he heard the familiar chatter of Michonne and Carl.

       “Ya ready,” he asked.

       She responded, getting up and slinging her bag over her shoulder, “I am now.”

 

 

~

 

 

       No one ever talked about how quiet the world would be after it fell. More often than not, Beth was accompanied by only the sound of her own heartbeat. It used to drive her mad. The constant pounding in her ears made her want to claw out of her own skin, but everything was different now. The constant thumping of her own heartbeat reminded her that she was alive. The silence of the world no longer alarmed her.

       It wasn’t until the prison fell that a different type of quiet started to gnaw its way into her head. It wasn’t the type of quiet the world adopted after humanity fell. It was a loud silence that rang through her head constantly reminding her that it was there.

       Now, she found peace in the silence. Where there was silence there were birds chirping, cicadas buzzing, frogs croaking, animals scurrying. No walkers groaning, no people jeering. And now she wasn’t alone in her own head. She had Daryl, Rick, Michonne, and Carl. The silence of the world was no longer painful, but comforting.

       Daryl and Rick were up ahead on the tracks, speaking every now and then. Carl was close on their heels. Beth hung back with Michonne, enjoying her company. They’d been walking for a little more than a day and a half. They stayed in an old abandoned truck out on the road last night. It wasn’t necessarily comfortable, but it was safer than staying outside unprotected, but according to the map, they should be arriving at Terminus within a couple hours.

       Michonne speaks up, keeping her voice soft, “You alright?”

       It wasn’t necessarily an out-of-the-blue question, but it caught Beth off guard nonetheless. All she could do was nod and put on a smile that felt fake even to Beth.

       “It’s okay not to be,” Michonne said, trying to catch Beth’s eye.

       She kept nodding, feeling herself enter autopilot as she dissociated, “I know.”

       “I used to think feeling nothing was a lot better than feeling something. Thought it was easier. Thought it made me stronger,” she said, “I thought all of this would be easier being alone.”

       “You’re here now. You made it,” she reassured.

       Michonne grinned, “And there isn’t a moment where I regret letting you all in.”

       Beth was grateful for Michonne. She could tell she was giving her a safe space to talk. And she found herself wanting to let her in. These people were her family now. They were stronger together, so why was Beth still feeling like she needed to hide?

       She stopped walking and glanced over at the boys as they kept walking ahead. Beth looked back at Michonne and told her the first thing that constantly ate her alive every waking hour. She whispered it, afraid for the world to hear it, “I’m- I think he’s disappointed in me.”

       Michonne’s brow furrowed, “Who? Daryl?” Beth shook her head, unable to speak the words, but Michonne caught on, “Hershel…”

       She took Beth’s hand and squeezed, “I didn’t know your dad long. But I know he would’ve been proud,” Beth didn’t say anything, not trusting her voice to stay steady, “All the things you think you’ve done… Hershel would understand.”

       At her words, a weight lifted off her shoulders. Michonne pulled Beth into a hug, whispering, “You’re stronger than you know and, if he was here, that’s all he'd want for you right now.”

       She nodded into her shoulder, holding her words close to her heart. It wouldn’t heal or even mend her cracked soul, but Michonne gave her a little bit of gauze to start. Beth turned to look at the boys stopped up ahead. They were giving them privacy, but still waiting for them to rejoin. Immense gratitude filled her at the sight. Happiness lighting up her eyes.

       Finally, Beth pulled away from Michonne and without needing to say another word, they walked back towards the group. Terminus would work out for them. It would be their saving grace.

 

~

 

       Beth remembered her first thought being that the name didn’t match. Terminus was an unassumingly violent name, but how could she judge anything, or anyone for that matter, by a name alone. There were flowers and gardens and food. A beautiful façade crafted into the perfect Venus flytrap. The gaping mouth of the trap remained open as they stepped inside, waiting for its moment.

       And then it snapped shut.

       Beth should have known. The minute they gave them their weapons back she should have known. She was suspicious, but not enough to want to turn her back on the possibility of safety. They were led right into a trap and, in that moment, she realized they would never be safe. The promise of safety would always be a lie, because how could anyone promise something like that in this world?

       They would always have to fight. Surviving was the only thing left.

 

 

       Beth followed behind Michonne, stepping into the train car. She held her breath in anticipation waiting to fight tooth and nail against whatever came next. When she took the last step in, she turned and pulled Carl towards her, as the door of the container slammed shut and locked behind them.

       Everything went dark. The air was already stifling, but that seemed to be the least of their worries because as her eyes adjusted, she saw movement on the other side of the car. Beth pushed Carl behind her as Rick and Daryl stepped forward, Michonne grabbing for her katana that was no longer there.

       A figure started forming as they walked closer, movement behind them caught her eye. As it got closer to the train car door, the light allowed her eyes to finally see a man. In fact, the way he walked looked familiar. And then his face came into view, the shadows disappearing.

       “Rick?” Glenn questioned.

       Beth sucked in a sharp breath unable to believe what her eyes were seeing. The other people behind Glenn started stepping forward and Beth almost collapsed when Maggie, in all her glory, moved forward next to Glenn.

       She hadn’t realized it, but she was gripping Carl’s shoulder like her life depended on it. If she let go, she was afraid she would collapse. Carl grabbed her hand and squeezed, supporting her. Beth saw Maggie searching through everyone’s faces and when Daryl stepped aside revealing Beth, a sob burst from Maggie's throat, "Bethie?"

       A smile broke out on Maggie's face, tears already coming in full force. A delirious giggle burst forth from Beth's chest as she launched herself at Maggie. And as always Maggie caught her, never letting her fall. Beth clutched at her so tight she was sure she was going to leave bruises, but neither one of them cared. Glenn was standing there in disbelief, until Beth yanked him into the hug. In her eyes, he was as much a Greene as her and Maggie.

       Finally, when everyone let go and pulled themselves together, Beth smiled at Sasha and Bob as she moved back to Daryl’s side. Quickly glancing at him, she saw he was already looking at her. She nodded at him and he nodded back, understanding everything she could possibly say in that one little motion.

       Rick turned to everyone, determination and relief in his voice, “You’re here.”

       Beth was looking at Rick watching his reaction. His eyeline moved to a girl she didn’t recognize, but he obviously did. Many emotions crossed his face before Maggie said, “They’re our friends… They helped save us.”

       “Ya, now they’re friends of ours,” Daryl replied.

       A deep unfamiliar voice of a tall, bulky man with ginger hair said, “For however long that’ll be.”

       “No,” Rick said, walking to the edge of the train car, glancing out of the crack of the door. He checked if there were any guards, but, fortunately, there were none.

       “They’re gonna feel pretty stupid when they find out,” he said.

           

 

       Rick looked around at every single one of his family. People he would kill and die for. The weight of the responsibility to lead them all out of this alive fell back on his shoulders. There was no longer a council to distribute the burden. He had to do this, carry this. His eyes landed on Daryl last and the conversation they had after the Claimers came flooding back.

 

       As Rick opened the back door of the house, he knew he’d find Daryl not too far off. And he was right. Daryl hadn’t made it further than the back porch. He was sitting on the steps, head hung low, facing the woods. Rick sat down next to him still covered in blood. The soaked rag Beth gave him left untouched between them on the porch. Birds chirped in the distance, singing back and forth, like nothing had changed. In a way it hadn’t, but Rick felt the shift within himself.

       Daryl finally spoke, as he lifted the rag back to Rick, “Ya can’t see yourself, but Carl will.”

       He took the rag without complaint not thinking how this could affect Carl if he saw him like this. Rick could see the guilt eating Daryl alive. He knew he blamed himself for not being able to keep Beth safe from everything. He knew because he felt the same way. And if Carl and Michonne had been there the burden would have been far worse.

       "It’s not on you, Daryl,” Rick said, trying to catch his eye, “Hey, it’s not on you. You both bein’ back here with us now, that’s everything.” Rick paused, letting that hang in between them before he said, “You’re my brother.”

       Daryl finally turned his head to look at him. His whole body seemed to relax as his words sunk in and he wanted to offer Rick the same comfort, “What ya did back there, anyone woulda done that.”

       Rick shook his head, “No, not that.”

       “That ain’t you. Not all of it,” Daryl countered.

       “It’s why I’m here now. Why Carl is. I gotta keep him safe... That’s all that matters.”

       Keeping these people safe was all that mattered anymore. Carl came before anyone, but these people came above everything else. Rick would be who he had to be. He’d trek through hell, the devil on his heels, if it meant everyone would be safe.

       Rick glanced back at Daryl. He understood the weight of that responsibility, maybe even more now than before. Rick could see he cared for Beth, more than he would even admit to himself. His outburst earlier showed him that. He had never seen Daryl like that. He knew that fear all too well, “You gotta keep Beth safe. You can be angry at her, but you and I both know she saved our asses.”

       Daryl nodded, looking back towards the trees, “I know.”

       “You care about her,” Daryl almost flinched away at his words, but didn’t interrupt, “So, we be who we gotta be to keep them safe. You good with that?”

       Daryl nodded, all but confirming what Rick stated so nonchalantly. Rick emphasized his next words clearly, “When it comes to any’a you, I’d do anything…Anything.”

       He looked back at Rick determination in his eyes, “Hell yeah.”

       “If something like this ever goes south again, we’ll kill everybody.”

       He just nods, but that was all Rick needed.

           

       An unfamiliar gruff voice responded, “Find out what?”

       Daryl gave him a subtle nod, as Rick turned back to everyone, “They’re fuckin’ with the wrong people.”

Notes:

Welp, that was a rollercoaster of a chapter. I had an interesting time trying to write this one.

We get to see a little bit of turmoil in Daryl after what happened. There's definitely shame there, which results in him trying to distance himself. He doesn't fully pull away, but its enough to cause Beth to panic. There's some beginnings of some codependency issue on Beth's part, which make sense especially after all the people she lost.

We see the tip of the iceberg of Beth's inner turmoil and all the stuff that haunts her. Originally, I wrote the Beth and Daryl scene in Beth's POV, but I thought getting Daryl's POV here was very important, because I wanted everyone to understand his reaction. Daryl isn't a touchy person (at least not at this time) and him pulling Beth in for a hug may seem out of character, but I think it fits in this moment. He's mirroring exactly what Beth did for him at the moonshine shack. That coupled along with the guilt he feels for letting her down when she broke down before I think justifies his reaction.

The Michonne and Beth scene was surprisingly difficult to write. I rewrote that scene a bunch, because it never felt right. It still doesn't feel exactly right, but I think it has the desired effect. Michonne being vulnerable gave room for Beth to do the same. I want to start building the relationship between these two characters more.

I went back and forth on many things in this chapter, like if Rick and Daryl would insist Beth and Carl stay behind in the woods, while they go check out Terminus. How would the Terminus events change because Beth was there? And I came to the conclusion that Rick wouldn't want them to be separated regardless of the danger. So, things turn out similarly, hence why I skipped over them arriving at Terminus and figuring out it was a trap.

The Beth and Maggie reunion was so cathartic to write. I never understood the dislike Maggie's character got for looking for Glenn instead of Beth. She knew Glenn's last known whereabouts (at least she thought she did, before he got off the bus). Maggie had no leads about where Beth could possibly be and she says as much to Bob and Sasha. And during that scene, she talks about Beth in the present tense. Maggie always assumed Beth got out, but she had to prioritize and looking for Glenn was the more logical choice.

Finally, you guys get the "brother" scene between Rick and Daryl that happened after the Claimers. I sort of combined the original scene from the show and a deleted scene from 5x08 between Daryl and Rick on the roof before they go into the hospital. The way I wrote the Claimer scene will affect Daryl differently than in the show. He was forced to watch someone he cares about almost be violated in the worst way possible. You will see how in the next few chapters.

Last note and probably the most important note. This is the last chapter that will follow extremely close to the plot of the show. The story will still be adjacent to the show, but certain things are going to be different now. Beth's presence starts affecting things way more after this chapter. Plus I have a little surprise for you guys in the next chapter that will also shake things up. Anyone have any predictions of what it might be?

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think and I'll see you next Sunday!

Chapter 6: Drop in the Bucket

Notes:

Hello lovely people! Thank you for all the love that this story has been getting! I couldn't be more grateful for you guys :)

Here is chapter 6. This whole chapter was a wild ride to write. It started out as something completely different and ended up being a way more important chapter than I initially intended. I hope you enjoy! As usual, all my thoughts and explanations for the chapter will be in the end notes. See you next Sunday! :)

       The piece of wood was as sharp as it was going to get, but Beth kept grinding it against the exposed metal latch. It would work fine against walkers, but against people she wasn’t so sure. She’d make it work. It was all she had. The clinking and sawing sounds all around her drowned out the chaos in her mind. All she could think was: they had to be ready. When they came, they had to be ready.

       Daryl was by her side, already on his feet. Looking at him reminded her of the guard dog they used to have on the farm, always protective and vigilant. He was standing between her and the door to the train car, shielding her from whatever could possibility come through it.

       But they never came through the door.

       Sasha was keeping watch through the crack of the container. Beth was finally finished with her homemade shiv, when Sasha yelled out, “They’re coming. Get ready!”

       Everyone gathered around the door, ready to pounce the minute it opened. Rick, Daryl, Abraham, and Glenn were all on the front lines shifting around with adrenaline. Then Beth heard something. It was a clanging sound, but it was coming from above. Her gaze turned up towards the roof and she realized it was boots walking on the train car.

       Beth barely had time to yell out, “Above!”

       The hatch on the ceiling of the car opened, sunlight streaming in, and a small object dropped in. It clanked on the ground. Before anyone could even react to the hatch opening, Abraham grabbed the canister and threw it back through the hatch. Right as it passed the threshold, it exploded. Screams erupted from above, followed by a thud.

       Abraham broke everyone’s trance, “Rick! Move!”

       He squatted down, interlacing his fingers and without missing a beat Rick placed his boot in his hands. Abraham boosted him through the hatch without straining a single muscle. There was another scream followed by a thud from outside right as Abraham boosted up Daryl. Glenn followed not long after. Bob, Eugene, Tara, and Sasha rushed to help boost Abraham up. Before he fully went through, he commanded, “Get ready. Shit’s ‘bout ta hit the fan.” Beth heard shuffling on top of the container and then silence. She strained her ears trying to listen for anything.

       Suddenly, a loud boom shook the ground followed by the rapid pops of gunfire and more screaming in the distance.

       Beth looked to Maggie; eyes wide. Whatever happened, she hoped it would work for them and not against them. A few minutes passed, the sounds of chaos getting closer and closer. Beth was just about to tell Maggie to boost her up, when the door of the car flew open.

       She was expecting Daryl and the others, but the first thing she saw was a gun. The leader of Terminus behind it, flanked by three other men. Beth could hear the growling of walkers getting closer and closer. They’d be on them within a couple of minutes.

       “Move! Now!” The leader shouted, a crazed look in his eyes. Sasha was in front of her, so Beth carefully slid her shiv into her boot and stood up, hands raised up in front of her.

       “Gareth, we gotta move!” A tall bald man urged.

       Gareth yanked Sasha out keeping her at gun point, “Get the blond and the brunette! Leave the others.”

       The bald man reached for Beth and ripped her out of train car. As she was being pulled away, she yelled back to Carl, “We’ll find you!”

       They shut the container door before he could reply. It wasn’t long before she realized the explosion had caused a massive breach in Terminus’s fences and walkers were flooding in. Fire was spreading quickly, consuming anything in its path. The screams of people being torn apart were echoing off the buildings and all she could hope was that the horde was making a dent. It struck her that she was wishing the worst death on these people, but she couldn’t bring herself to care as she felt the tip of a gun dig into her back.

       Beth couldn’t figure out what Gareth’s plan was. His home was being ravaged, his people were dying, and he was wasting time rounding up hostages. What was the end goal? Why didn’t he take everyone from the container? Where were the others?

       Then a familiar voice bellowed somewhere far off behind her, “Fight to the fence!”

       It was Rick’s voice coming from the direction they had just come. Relief flooded through her. They were alive and they had found the others. Conviction flowed through her and solidified in her soul. Rick was right. They were fucking with the wrong people.

       Beth stopped moving abruptly, causing the bald man to run into her back. He shoved her forwards. Expecting the shove, she braced herself as she fell onto her hands and knees.

       “Get up!” He pushed the tip of the gun into her back. She glared and glanced up ahead.

       Gareth was leading Sasha into a building a few yards ahead, the door swinging shut behind them. She could see Maggie in her peripherals being led by a skinny man wearing a plastic apron. Beth lackadaisically stood up, running her hand along her boot to grab her shiv on the way up. Slowly, she dragged it up the front of her body to hide it. She needed to make a move before she got to the building.

       But as her eyes darted around trying to come up with any plan, a more pressing problem rounded the corner. A horde of walkers came barreling straight for them and within a couple seconds they would be on them. And quickly an already nightmare situation turned even more dire. Charred, burning walkers came towards them and all that was on anyone’s mind was survival.

       Beth and Maggie took off for the building Sasha just disappeared into. Their captors hot on their heels, looking for any sort of cover. Their control on the situation slipping immensely.

       “Gareth!” One of the men yelled as they approached. The door flew open right as Beth got to it. She was shoved in from behind falling to the floor at Gareth’s feet. Maggie not far behind.

       As Beth’s eyes adjusted, she saw Sasha first, kneeling on the ground a few feet away. And the look on her face made her blood run cold. Her eyes were wide with shock and terror. As the bald man forced her and Maggie to their knees, Beth peeled her eyes away from Sasha and looked around. And she wished she hadn’t. She wished she was still outside with the horde of burning walkers.

       All around her skinned bodies hung from the ceiling. Human bodies. Torsos, legs, arms.

       Beth wretched, nothing but stomach bile coming up. The implication enough to make her sick to her stomach. Her eye watered as she tried to focus on taking deep breaths. She stared at her hands, counting her fingers to ground herself.

       “What’re we doin’ Gareth?” The skinny man said, pacing back and forth.

       “Securing our way out of here. They’ll come for them. And when they do, they’ll lead us out of here,” he gestured the gun towards them, “Cause they’ll have no choice.”

       Beth wiped her mouth with her sleeve, looking towards Maggie and Sasha, trying to avoid looking anywhere else. A tear slid out of the corner of her eye. The world had sunk past the point of no return. With skinned bodies hanging around her, she realized how wrong she had been. People were too far gone. Betrayal, power, and survival were all that was left. She could no longer trust that the majority of people would be decent. They were the exception to the rule now.

       “We can’t just sit here and wait to get eaten man!” The skinny man yelled.

       “Watch the door,” Gareth replied, going up to whisper to the other one.

       The sharpened shiv was digging into her as she hid it between her forearm and thigh. The men were too far away to make a move and they all had guns. There was nothing any of them could do. Beth scanned the area, looking for cover and any other exits. She clocked a couple tables, but they provided no cover. There was another room to the right, which she guessed would be their best bet in finding another door.

       Movement behind Sasha’s head caught her attention. She leaned forward to look around her and made eye contact with Daryl. Her heart stuttered at the sight and she thought she could cry with joy. He ducked back behind the metal cabinet. Sasha must have seen him too, because she nodded at Beth.

       Daryl reappeared closer, followed by Rick, Abraham, and Glenn. They had a clear shot now. As Rick and Abraham raised their guns, Beth ducked down low, making herself as small as possible. Pop. A gunshot echoed in the room, followed by two more. Pop. Pop. There was a blood curdling scream.

       She didn’t even look at what happened. She just grabbed Maggie’s hand and rushed to Daryl, not taking her eyes off him. Maggie broke off from her to go to Glenn’s side and she ran past to Daryl. Sasha going towards Abraham.

       Daryl reached for her, pulling her behind them. He looked back at her briefly, checking if she was all right, before approaching the men still moaning in pain on the floor. Beth finally turned her attention to them.

       Rick approached them, a gun in hand, “Get on the floor and kneel.”

       The three men were in too much pain to argue. From what she could see, Rick shot Gareth in the hand and the other two in the side and shoulder. Rick, Daryl, and Abraham descended on them, kicking their guns away.

       Gareth whimpered, “Wait…Wait.”

       But it was too late. Their death sentence was already written.

       Rick stalked up to him and drove the butt of his gun into Gareth’s skull. Abraham took care of the bald man and Daryl the skinny one. Beth had never seen anything like it. There was a line that this group toed between justice and brutal violence. This was both, but the line was quickly fading.

       Beth’s eyes were glued to Daryl as he smashed his metal rod into the head of the terminus man over and over again. Blood pooled on the concrete floor. By the time they had stopped, all that was left were bloody pulps. Unrecognizable.

       Her eyes drifted to Daryl as he stood up, bathed in blood. Baptized in death and pain. Blood was dripping from his vest and soaking into his shirt and pants. The blue in his eyes had disappeared into small rings around his pupils. His chest heaved from the exertion. He never looked more vicious and predatory.

       Yet all Beth saw was someone she loved.

       She closed the distance between them. Somewhere in the haziness of her brain, she heard Rick say, “We gotta move now.”

       The emotions swirling in her as she looked up at Daryl were overwhelming, but, also, simultaneously the simplest thing she’s had to come to terms with since the world fell. It was eerie how something so painful like death could make things so clear. She loved him. All of him. His brutality, his protectiveness, his temper, his caring nature, his thoughtfulness. All of it.

       She’d been blind. It was all right there in front of her. Love was such a distant concept to Beth. She loved her family. Her daddy, her sister, Rick, Carl, Judith, everyone. But she’d never been in love. Maybe she thought she had with Jimmy and Zach, but that was nothing compared to this. It was a drop in the bucket. If what she felt for Jimmy and Zach was as deep as a pond. What she felt for the man in front of her was an ocean.

 

       They made it to the fence, a plethora of walker bodies lying in their wake. Abraham boosted them over a part of the fence with a blanket. Daryl guided her through the woods as she stuck close to Rick’s back. The forest wrapped them up in the safety of its arms. They walked on, leaving the smoking ruins behind.

       “Dad!” Carl yelled, as he rounded around a patch of trees and sprinted into Rick’s arms.

       “Carl,” Rick said and pulled him into his chest.

       One at a time the rest of their family popped out from behind the trees. Michonne coming up first to hug Rick and then Beth. Abraham immediately went to Rosita and Eugene. Sasha ran for Bob, who had a wide smile on his face.

       As all the bittersweet reunions took place around her, Beth’s mind whirled. The adrenaline had started wearing off the more distance they had put between themselves and Terminus. All the horror and sheer disgust of what they had witnessed started coming back full force. She’d seen walkers tear people apart for a meal, but people doing it to each other was a revolting idea that never even crossed her mind. And what made it even sicker was that those people weren’t starving. They had grown plenty of food. She saw it. It made it just that much worse.

       They weren’t doing it to survive. They wanted to.

       Beth had been so caught up in her own head that she hadn’t heard Rick speaking to everyone until the tail end.

       “They don’t get to live,” Rick said calmly, almost matter-of-factly, but his eyes were wild and honed in on finishing the job they had already started.

       Beth looked to Daryl who was already watching her carefully, like he was observing how she’d respond to the plan. She vaguely heard complaints in the background.

       “It’s over. We got out- “

       “Screw that. That place is on fire- “

       “They’ll run or they’ll die- “

       But all Beth saw was the same feral bloodlust in Daryl’s eyes as she’d seen in Rick’s. And she knew the decision was already made. There wasn’t any point in trying to stop them and Beth wasn’t sure she wanted to. Goosebumps broke out all over her body at her own realization. She expected the gut churning shame to follow, but it never did. The fear of being separated from them again overwhelmed her, but her rational thought told her she needed to let them go. Beth told herself it was for them, so they can be sure, but Beth knew deep down it was for herself too.

       They needed to do this to be sure and maybe she’d look back and regret what she was about to say, but she couldn’t find a reason not to.

       “Go,” she said to Daryl and Rick, only, “We’ll wait.” All other conversation had ceased as Beth spoke softly to the two men.

       They both nodded, recognizing that she understood why they had to do this. And then the moment of silence was over as they started gearing up with the bag of weapons they had hid. Before they left, Rick handed her a handgun, "There's ten rounds. Always count the shots ya take."

       Beth nodded, as she slid the gun into her belt. Some of the rage had left Rick and she could see the man she met on the farm all those months ago. Beth raised up on her toes and kissed his cheek, knowing she probably wouldn't see that man again for a while. As Rick turned to leave, Beth turned to Daryl.

       "Come back," she commanded.

       The corner of his mouth quirked up slightly, "Yes, ma'am."

       “Bethie? What’re ya doin’?” Maggie questioned, coming up behind Beth, “We barely made it out.” Beth watched as Daryl, Rick, Abraham, Sasha, and Michonne went back the way they came. When she couldn’t see them anymore, Beth prayed.

       “We have to be sure,” she responded, finally looking at her sister. Maggie was searching her face, her eyes darting back and forth. Beth recognized she had changed and it seemed that Maggie was just starting to understand that too. She almost expected a scolding or a yelling match to ensue, but none of that happened.

       It seemed Maggie had seen past just the words she said, because her sister pulled her into a hug without another word being spoken. It was softer than the first, full of empathy. And Beth swore a little piece of her soul fell back into place.

       The crunching of leaves shocked both Maggie and Beth back into action. Beth raised her gun, whirling around towards the noise. Rosita, Glenn, Bob, and Tara stepped forward, as Eugene and Carl fell back behind them all.

       A form came into view. She thought it was a walker at first. All she saw was blood and guts, until her mind caught up and she realized the person behind all the blood and mud was Carol.

       “Carol…” Beth whispered.

       She smiled and nodded, as Beth ran up to hug her. It didn’t feel real. After all this time, it felt like a grand cosmic joke and the punchline would be ‘fuck you’. Beth finally let go, “How di-,” she paused, realizing, “It was you.”

       Carol nodded again a tear slipping out, leaving a track down her cheek. Beth finally stepped aside and let Carol greet everyone else. She turned and asked to no one in particular, “Where’re the others?”

       “They went back,” Beth replied, “To finish it.”

           

 

       It was passed noon by the time they came back. Their faces and clothes were covered in walker guts to blend in. It was quite a scene. If anyone had come across this group, they would think twice. No one would cross them.

       Carol brushed past her; eyes glued on the group. A true smile broke out on Beth’s face as Daryl ran into Carol’s arms, lowering his head into the hug. Rick followed close behind, pulling her into him. He whispered to her, too low for Beth to hear, but from the look on Rick’s face, it was a moment that would stick with him for the rest of his life.

       “I have something to show you,” Carol finally said.

       After all the horror this group endured, finding Carol was a pure moment of hope in all the chaos. They walked together in a group, mostly quiet, for what felt like twenty minutes. The woods were void of walkers, probably all drawn to Terminus, which was still smoking behind them. Beth walked with her sister and Glenn, giving Daryl some space to be with Carol.

       Carol led them to a small cabin in a clearing. Dead walkers were littered over the ground around the front. Confusion flooded through her, until the front door opened and Tyreese, in all his glory, walked out. His hammer clenched in his hand, ready to take on anything that got too close. That was until he laid his eyes on Carol and then everyone else.

       Tyreese turned around and said into the house, “Come on out. It’s alright.” He stepped towards his sister first, scooping a teary-eyed Sasha into his arms.

       From the small cabin, a blonde little girl with a single braid at the front of her head stepped out, a wide smile on her face after seeing everyone. Mika.

       But all Beth’s focus narrowed in on the baby in her arms. She would have known that face anywhere. Those chubby cheeks and blue eyes.

       Judith.

       A sob tore through Beth’s throat, clasping her hand to her mouth trying to keep the sound in. She watched as Rick sprinted for Judith, Carl not far behind, and took her in his arms. All the guilt she carried for thinking Judith’s death was on her lifted, making her feel light headed. Her feet were finally able to move as she sprinted to them.

       The picture before her was unreal. Judith in Rick’s arms and Carl patting her back. She reached out a shaking hand towards Judith, praying that she was actually real and in front of her right now. In her daddy’s arms exactly where she should be. Her hand connected with her head and all she could do was cry. Judith was the hope and joy of this group and a reason to keep fighting.

       Finally, Beth looked up at Rick. There was so much love in his eyes. He pulled her and Carl into him, as they all cried and laughed out of disbelief. The rebirth of hope in a cruel world. Beth felt it in her chest like a match being lit. It was different than how it used to be, harder, more cautious, but it was there.           

 

~

 

       They wanted to get as far away from Terminus as possible, before the sun set. As a newly reunited group, they set off. They walked for a couple hours, the sun beating down on their backs, before it started to get dark.

       Luckily, they came across a relatively concealed outcrop of trees that would work well to stay the night. Everyone got busy setting up the noise traps around the camp. Daryl built a fire and roasted up some squirrels he shot earlier. Everyone had a job to do.

       Bob and Sasha took the first watch. By the time the moon had peaked in the sky, everyone was mostly asleep. Rick was still up holding a sleeping Judith in his lap, unable to take his eyes off her, as Carl slept on the ground next to him. She would have to remember to take her off his hands so he could get some sleep too. Beth pealed her eyes away from the reunited Grimes family and looked around for Daryl, until she remembered he went off scouting the perimeter, crossbow in hand.

       Beth made herself comfortable next to her sister. The silence between them was comfortable and familiar, but she should have known that wouldn’t last long.

       Maggie turned towards her, “You ‘n Daryl…” She trailed off, a question in her voice.

       Beth kept her face neutral, keeping her gaze on a tree far off in the distance, “We got out together.” Maybe one day she’d want to have this conversation, but not right now. She didn’t have the energy to explain or fight, if it came down to that.

       Maggie nodded, “Ya’ll seem…different.”

       Beth sighed, “Mag-“

       “I’m not judgin’. Its not like how it was. I’m not gonna chase ‘im off with a shotgun like Jimmy,” she said with a smirk.

       Beth searched Maggie’s face, “Then what are ya doin?”

       She shrugged, “Just talkin’ with my sister. Don’t get ta do that much anymore.”

       Beth contemplated her words. Her sister was protective, stubborn, and passionate and Beth loved her with all her heart, but sometimes it could be suffocating. But all those things, for better or for worse, were who her sister was, so she took Maggie’s hand. She rested her head on her big sister’s shoulder, relishing in the familiarity and comfort.

       Maggie lowered her voice, “You know, anyone with eyes can see that he cares about you.”

       “I care about him too,” Beth whispered, knowing full well that didn’t even begin to encompass the depth of her feelings. She hadn’t even begun to unravel the emotions she felt at Terminus.

       “Is it the same?” Maggie asked, curiosity peaking in her voice.

       Beth just nodded. A piece of the truth was finally out in the world. Maggie knew, maybe not to what extent, but she knew. And a surprising feeling of relief washed over her at Maggie's acceptance of her truth. Beth let that feeling lull her into a deep sleep. The steady breathing of her sister keeping her company.

Notes:

As I said above, this chapter started out being something entirely different. So far, this has been the hardest chapter to write. It didn't flow as easily as all the others and required a lot of editing and thinking through different butterfly effects. I hated this chapter at first, but after about three rounds of edits I ended up actually liking it. Full transparency, it's not my best work, but it accomplished what I needed it to.

We see little things start to change in this chapter. And these little things lead to big things. Abraham throwing the stun grenade back through the hatch was just the start. This leads to Beth, Maggie, and Sasha being captured to use as leverage. I always wondered what would break Beth's spirit in the human race and I think Terminus would. She will be changed by this experience, for sure. Same with everyone else.

I wanted to add in a badass Rick speech moment before killing Gareth, but in this scenario it didn't make sense. Terminus was crumbling around them and they all needed to get the hell out of there. No time for big speeches, no matter how much I love a good Rick speech.

On to the part that literally changed this entire chapter: Beth realizing she was in love with Daryl. That inner monologue was never part of the plan for this chapter. It, sort of, just came out while I was writing. And I was just as surprised by it as you guys probably were. But it just seemed to fit somehow? I loved the juxtaposition between Beth's inner thoughts and the chaos going on around them. She goes full tunnel vision mode and compartmentalizes everything. The fact that her love for Daryl was made known by the death of someone else seemed fitting. Also, just so you know this is still a slow burn! Just because Beth realized her feelings a bit earlier than I planned doesn't mean Bethyl's relationship is going to go 0 to 100!

There's definitely some underlying 'Dark Beth' and 'Dark Daryl' in that scene that I think fits in that moment. Everything around them is so royally messed up and I think there's an aspect of 'giving into it' from both Daryl and Beth. A part of Beth didn't mind seeing Daryl kill that man and I think a part of Daryl liked being able to protect Beth in that way. How things went down with the claimers definitely led to this scene and their acceptance of the brutality and violence.

Rick and Daryl going back to make sure all the Terminus people were dead is another butterfly effect of the Claimers scene. I'll just leave that nugget of knowledge here...

Oof, I have to say so far Carol has been the hardest character to write dialogue for. I'm sure I will continue having trouble, but I just needed to get that off my chest. I'm there will be a learning curve, so bear with me!

Surprise! Mika is alive. This is an alternate universe. And I always wondered what would have happened if Lizzie had killed herself to show Carol and Tyreese her way of thinking instead of killing Mika. So, we have a new addition to the core family.

Last, but not least, the conversation with Maggie. I actually wrote this in the notes on my phone while I was out and about. I absolutely love how this scene turned out. I think we still get the protective big sister energy, but also the respect between two sisters that have been through so much. Anyways, as always, I would love to hear your thoughts! See you next Sunday!

Chapter 7: Home

Notes:

Happy Sunday everyone! I hope you all are doing well! Here is chapter 7. It was definitely an interesting one. We're getting into some major butterfly effects :) All of my thoughts and explanations for the chapter will be in the end notes. Love you all!

       The embers of the fire were still glowing when Beth woke up. The sun hadn’t started to rise yet, but it couldn't be too far off. Beth looked around their makeshift camp and saw everyone asleep, except for Rick, who still had Judith in his arms, and Abraham, who took up a watch shift. Maggie drifted to Glenn’s side during the night, so she quietly got up and walked over to Rick.

       He looked up towards her as she sat down next to him, “I can take her for a little bit. Ya need sleep,” she whispered.

       Rick hesitated, but his exhaustion was clear in the way his body sagged. She didn’t take it personally that he hesitated. Judith was his daughter. A daughter that he thought he lost a mere few hours ago. Beth wouldn’t want to let go of her either, but he knew he needed sleep to stay sharp. He looked back to Judith and ran a hand across her head, before scooping her up and giving her a soft kiss. Then he carefully transferred her into Beth’s arms.

       Judith rested in her arms, her thumb in her mouth and her pointer finger hooked around her nose. Beth couldn’t remember her ever sleeping like that at the prison. Her heart ached feeling like she missed so much, even though in the grand scheme of things, not that much time had passed.

       “She’s gotten so big,” Beth whispered past the lump in her throat.  

       “I know,” Rick sighed, “She’s gonna be walkin’ before we know it.”

       “Gonna be a fast one too. I know it.”

       Rick grinned down at Judith, “Ya, I think you’re right.” He put a hand on Beth’s shoulder, squeezing in thanks, before he laid down on the ground next to a still sleeping Carl.

 

 

       Beth continued to rock Judith well into the early hours of the morning. Her beautiful sleeping face staring up at her. She had a hard time looking away, not wanting to miss another second. It was still grey and cloudy when she started to fuss.

       Taking a quick glance around camp, she saw everyone was still asleep. Although, Daryl still hadn’t come back yet. She figured he turned his perimeter check into a hunt for breakfast. Beth stood up, Judith squirming against her chest, and made her way over towards the only person still awake.

       Abraham was at the far side of the camp, stood at attention like every bit the soldier he was. Beth came up beside him as she bounced Judith, trying to soothe her before she started throwing a fit.

       “Good mornin’,” Beth whispered.

       He regarded her with a curious look in his eye, “Sure as shit a good a mornin’ as any.”

       “Language,” Beth scolded, playfully, nodding to Judith.

       “That kid’s gonna have a lot else to worry ‘bout that ain’t my uncouth language,” he replied. He turned his eyes to Judith, now settled down in her arms, “She yours?”

       Beth looked down at the girl, who was busy playing with the braid in her ponytail, “She ain’t mine…But sometimes it feels like she is.”

       Abraham looked back out towards the woods, scanning the trees, “Just cause you didn’t pop her out don’t mean she ain’t yours.”

       Beth never wanted to say those words out loud. It felt like it was discounting Lori’s sacrifice and memory. Lori would always be Judith’s mother. She brought her into this world at the cost of her own life. Nothing would ever change that and Beth would make sure Judith grew up knowing how much her mother loved her.

       But she had just met Abraham and he somehow read her like a book, not that it would be too hard. Beth didn’t trust him enough yet to either confirm or deny, so she decided to just change the subject, “How long ya been on watch?”

       “Couple hours,” he responded.

       “Have ya seen Daryl?” Beth asked, partly trying to make conversation and partly letting a little kernel of worry start to spread.

       “The hunter?” Abraham questioned. Beth nodded.

       Before he could answer her, the crunch of leaves caught their attention. Beth’s head whipped to the right, trying to identify the source of the sound. Abraham had his gun already raised, sidestepping to get a better angle.

       “Speak’a the devil,” Abraham jested, as he lowered the gun. Daryl stepped out from behind a thicket of trees, a rabbit and two squirrels in hand. He looked tired, but content, as his eyes darted from her face to a babbling Judith in her arms.

       “Mornin’. Ya brought breakfast?” she asked him.

       He shook his head, “Nah, it’s all for me,” he teased. He grazed a hand over Judith’s head, the corner of his mouth quirking up, “Maybe Little Asskicker too.”

       A smile overcame her face as she gazed up at Daryl. She wasn’t being subtle, but she couldn’t care less. “Want me ta get a fire goin’?”

       “Nah, get sum rest. How long ya been up with Asskicker?”

       “Not too long. I have ta get her food ready anyway, so might as well,” Beth unlatched Judith’s hand from her hair, “Do ya mind takin’ her?”

       “Nah, girl. I got it. Ya need rest,” Daryl insisted, “Wake up Carl. Boy’s been sleepin’ the whole night.”

       “You need rest too. You’ve been up—"

       Abraham interjected with an exasperated sigh, “I’m gonna cut this damn Romeo and Juliet shit short,” he gestured towards Daryl, “Take the fuckin’ baby. An you go get a fire crackin’. I’m hungry and I don’t—"

       “Language, asshole—"

       “Language!”

       Both Daryl and Beth interjected simultaneously. It made Beth laugh. This moment was the closest thing to normalcy she’s had in a while. The simple joy of it overshadowed what Abraham had just said.

       Beth whipped around to fully face Abraham, “Hang on. You’ve read Romeo and Juliet?” She was confused at the mere thought that the hulking man in front of her had ever read Shakespeare. She realized she should probably be worried about how Daryl would react to Abraham reading them so easily, but she had her priorities.

       “What? A man can’t have refined taste?” Abraham shrugged.

       Beth just shook her head, smile still plastered all over her face. She looked down at Judith, who was zoned out, clenching and unclenching her little hand around her ponytail. Carefully, extracting Judith, she placed her in Daryl’s arms.

       “Be good for your uncle Daryl,” she said softly. He handled her so gently as he passed the rabbit and squirrels to Beth. It struck her how someone that was capable of such immense violence could also be so soft and tender.

       Beth never judged him for the things he had to do and the person he had to become. She loved him for his softness and his violence. He made her feel safe in a world where everything was uncertain. It was such a rare thing and not a moment went by where Beth wasn’t grateful it was Daryl she’d fled the prison with.

       She must have been standing and staring for longer than she thought, because he said, “I got her.”

       Of all the things she knew were true, there was no doubt in her mind about that, “I know ya do.”  

 

~

 

       Abraham had convinced Rick to travel north with them that morning during breakfast. It wasn’t a long discussion. Rick asked what they all thought, but, in the end, what else did they have to do? So, they wandered north the whole day on foot. The Georgia woods stretched out endlessly in front of them. They hoped to stumble upon a vehicle that could hold them all. Finding one that worked that was also big enough was a huge ask.

       Only the last tendrils of light remained before they stopped. The sky was a dark blue, but not entirely black yet. Beth thought they stopped because it was time to set up camp. Judith was asleep strapped to her chest with the makeshift carrier Tyreese gave her. She realized pretty quickly that they stopped because of something more sinister.

       A low faint noise was coming from the direction of a clearing up ahead that Beth hadn’t noticed until now. Rick’s hand held up, halting everyone. He looked to Daryl, Tyreese, and Abraham, nodding his head towards the clearing. They all followed Rick towards the edge of the tree line without a word.

       “Dead Ones?” Rosita whispered to no one in particular.

       The moans became more frequent and eventually evolved into cries, interspersed with muffled yelling. Beth watched as they stepped into the clearing. The moon was full and made everything glow. It seemed that they were heading towards something specific. Beth walked forward a bit and realized what they were walking towards: a church.

       The church was small and a little run down, but in a charming sort of way. A warm, flickering light poured out the window. It was the same place the stifled cries were coming from and, if Beth squinted enough, she could see a sign that read St. Sarah’s Church. She watched, helplessly, as Daryl glanced in the window, keeping his back pressed to the side of the church.

       Rick signaled for everyone to approach quietly. Beth adjusted Judith against her chest and followed behind Rosita and Abraham as they led the rest of the group towards the church. Glenn, Maggie, Tara and Sasha covered the rear, watching their backs.

       It took less than a minute to reunite outside the front door of the church. The noise was clearer now. Someone was crying out in pain. Beth glanced at Daryl. It seemed like he felt her gaze on him because he turned towards her. She tilted her head towards the church, a question on her face. He held up two fingers.

       Abraham, Daryl, Rick, and Tyreese positioned themselves at the doors of the church. Beth couldn’t even comprehend them diving head first into danger before Abraham broke down the door. They streamed in fanning out like a harden team of soldiers that had known each other for a decade.

       “Drop it and back away. Now,” Rick said, clearly, as Beth cocked her gun and followed Maggie, Carol, Mika, and Carl into the church. Bob closed the door behind them all, boxing them into a terrifying nightmare.

       Beth’s eyes scanned the scene in front of her and she unconsciously pulled Judith closer to her as she took in everything. A man in a blue baseball hat with a hood thrown over it was kneeling near the front of the church, but that wasn’t what caused her eyes to start watering. Propped up against one of the pews was another man. He was gagged and his face was scrunched up as he moaned in pain. He was gripping his left leg right above his knee, because everything below his knee was gone.

       His leg was wrapped in what looked like a torn shirt and tied off to help stop the bleeding. The fresh pool of blood around his leg told her it had only been a few hours since it had been cut off. Beth tapped Carl to get his attention.

       “I need ya to take Judith,” she said. Carl nodded, holstered his weapon, and reached for his sister. Beth took off the pack, with Judith in it, and handed her to Carl.

       Beth ran forward towards the man whimpering on the floor. As she knelt next to him, she almost threw up the little amount of breakfast she had early. The warm light was coming from a fire stoked by a piece of wood from one of pews. Over the fire was a makeshift grate with a leg still on it. Beth turned away quickly, not wanting to see anymore. She didn’t need to see anymore to know what had happened. It dawned on her that the only reason the man's lag was wrapped was to keep him alive, so the man with the baseball cap could take more later.

       Rick was the first to recover from the shock of the situation, “Are there more’a ya?”

       Beth removed the gag from his mouth as the other man answered in a smug tone, “What do ya think?”

       Beth’s head wiped back around at his audacity. She guessed it was someone left over from Terminus. He was smirking, like he was proud of the trauma he was able to inflict before he died. The Terminus man turned towards Tyreese and mocked, “Shoulda killed me when ya had the chance.”

       A shiver went down Beth’s spine, but he wasn’t done. He leaned around Tyreese to look at the rest of the group. His eyes scanned everyone until they landed on Mika. She was on the verge of tears. Her eyes were wide and her lower lip was trembling.

       He smiled, with his empty eyes, as he said to Mika, “You ain’t long for this world. If I was able to get to ya—"

       Tyreese exploded.

       Tyreese’s hammer connected with the man’s head before he could even finish his sentence. A scream tore out of his throat, as the side of his skull caved in. Tyreese brought his hammer down again, blood splattering the floor this time.

       He got in a couple more hits, before Abraham, Rick, and Daryl stepped in to restrain him. He was roaring the same sentence over and over again, “Say it again!”

       “Tyreese!” Mika screeched.

       As her high-pitched voice pierced through the church, Tyreese ceased his fighting. Mika was pulled against Carol’s chest, but her eyes were still locked on Tyreese. Carl had stepped in front of Mika, Judith strapped to his back, like he was trying to shield her from everything.

       Tyreese’s face fell as he turned to look at Mika. His hammer slipped from his blood-soaked hands and he strode out of the church, avoiding everyone’s gaze. After Sasha got over the shock, she turned on her heels and followed behind her brother. The whole room was still. Silent, except for the occasional sniffle or whimper from the injured man next to her.

       Beth broke out of her haze by a particular sharp cry. She pushed everything down and tunneled her efforts on helping him. Moving herself in front of the man, who she now realized was a priest based on his attire, she blocked his view of the pulverized man and his own cooked leg.

       She softened her voice and put on as warm of a smile as she could muster, “Hi, I’m Beth. I’m gonna need ta remove the wrappin’ on your leg and take’a look.” The priest shook his head back and forth, jaw clenched in pain, “You’re still bleedin’ pretty bad. You’ve already lost too much blood…Please. I can help.”

       The priest looked at her. He seemed to find something worth trusting, because he nodded. She grabbed his hand and said, louder, to no one in particular, “I need sum clean cloth, or as clean as it gets, and a strong stick.”

       Beth remembered when she was eight years old and her calf almost severed its leg on some of their farming equipment. She had sprinted into the house screaming and crying for her daddy, yelling at him to, “Do something!” Hershel had rushed out into the field, vet kit in hand. Through the fuzziness of her memories, she remembered him using a tourniquet to stop the bleeding for a little bit.

       The image of her daddy’s severed leg flashed in her mind. Carol had elevated and wrapped it, but didn’t cauterize it. The shock would be too much without anesthetics. Someone tapped her shoulder, pulling her out of her haze. Daryl was standing next to her, a relatively clean shirt and stick in his hand.

       The shadows covered his face, so she couldn’t see what he was feeling, but she didn’t have time to waste. She smiled at him and said, “Thank you.”

       She turned back to the priest, “Okay, I’m gonna start now.”

       Beth slowly unwrapped his leg. Once the wound was fully in view, it started oozing blood onto the floor. It wasn’t gushing, which she guessed was a plus, but he was still losing blood at a pace that she couldn’t imagine was good. The priest looked like he was about to pass out, so she started talking to distract him.

       “What’s your name, Father? You are a father, right?” she questioned.

       His eyes were squinted shut in pain and his breath was coming out in short bursts, “Gabriel…My name’s…Gabriel.”

       Beth nodded even though he couldn’t see her. As she ripped up the shirt for the tourniquet, she asked, “Is this your church? It’s beautiful.”

       All he could do was nod. Beth figured he was close to passing out, so she picked up the pace. She wrapped the excess shirt around his wound and started tying the tourniquet with the extra strips she ripped off. Using the stick, she twisted it just above the wound. A few halfhearted grunts poured from Gabriel’s lips every turn of the stick. After the tourniquet was somewhat tight, she tucked the stick into his bandages and reached for one of their packs. Gently, she rested his newly bandaged leg on top.

       “Gabriel, you’re gonna pass out, but I’m gonna keep an eye on ya, okay?” Beth reassured him.

       Before he passed out completely, Gabriel started muttering, “This is my punishment… My punishment. God’s will.”

 

 

       Beth was exhausted by the time she had finished up with Gabriel. His breathing remained steady for the next couple of hours. The others got rid of the body and the severed leg pretty quickly. They put the fire out and instead opted for lighting a few candles. Everyone was still in shock. Surprisingly, Tyreese and Sasha volunteered for the first watch after they came back.

       The only thing Beth wanted more than sleep was comfort. She slumped down next to Daryl, back against the far side of the church. As far away from the chaos as possible. Everyone was pretty quiet, even Abraham who had been adamant about finding a vehicle and getting a move on to Washington. The babbling of Judith in Rick’s lap brought her some semblance of relief, knowing she was safe and in her father’s arms.

       Beth’s eyes landed on Mika. She was fast asleep. Her head in Carol’s lap. Beth knew she had witnessed the death of Mika’s innocence. It wouldn’t have lasted. Not in a world like this. It was either her innocence died, like Carl’s did the moment he had to shoot his own mother, or she herself would die. She was sorry that Mika would never get the chance to grow up in the old world, but Beth couldn’t bring herself to be sorry that she had seen what she’d seen.

       Maybe it would give the girl enough of a push to realize that people could kill her just as easily as a walker could, maybe even more so. Expecting people to be good, would get her killed. It was a reminder to herself as well.   

       “Ya think she’ll be alright?” Beth questioned, keeping her voice low so only Daryl could hear. They were separated from everyone else, but she wanted this moment to be just for them.

       “She’s a kid. She’ll bounce back. Just like Carl,” he replied, “Just like you did.”

       Beth smiled and teased, “Ya callin’ me a kid?”

       There was a long enough pause that Beth turned to look at Daryl. His face was hooded in shadows. He was hunched over staring at the ground, picking at his hands, forearms resting on his knees.

       “Hey, where’d ya go?”

       His head finally lifted and he rested it against the wall behind him. Beth could clearly see his face now. The warm light from the candles let her see he was biting the inside of his cheek. He looked like a guilty man being interrogated.

       She waited, thinking he would explain. When he didn’t, Beth placed a hand on his arm, hoping it would pull him out of whatever dark place he was descending into.

       He pulled away from her for the first time in a long time, “Why ain’t ya over there with your sister?”

       She tilted her head to the side in confusion, “I wanted to give her some time with Glenn…and I want to be here.”

       “She’d have my balls if—" Daryl stopped, abruptly.

       “If what?” she pushed.

       Daryl turned towards her, his eyes piercing into hers. He looked like he was about to say something and then decided against it, shaking his head slightly, “Nah, you’re still…”

       Beth froze. Her mind started working a mile a minute trying to understand how they even got here. And then it clicked, she was right. Daryl felt guilty.

       “Still what? A kid?” Beth’s mind whirled, as it clicked why Daryl had shame written all over his face. He felt something for her, to what extent she wasn’t sure, but it was enough to make him feel guilty because of her age.

       “Was I a kid when I started takin’ care of Judith after she was born? What about when I watched the Governor chop my daddy’s head off? Or when I was almost…” She couldn’t finish that sentence, “When I shot that vile excuse of a human being? Was I a kid then?”

       Beth wasn’t angry. A part of her understood. From the way he briefly described his father, he was probably afraid he would end up just like him. Beth knew Daryl would never be his father or his brother, but she wasn’t sure Daryl knew that yet.

       She changed her tone, softening her features and voice, “All a’ that died the minute my mama walked out of our barn. So, if you wanna push me away with that excuse, go ‘head. Ain’t gonna push me very far,” she said. Beth remembered her words at the moonshine shack and grinned, “It’s bullshit.”

       Daryl was still watching her. Beth thought he almost looked convinced. She reached out again, hoping he would let her. Her fingers caressed his calloused hand as she intertwined their fingers.

       “You ain’t the big bad wolf stealin’ me away. I wanna be here,” Beth concluded, her words unwavering. It seemed she hit the nail on the head, because Daryl’s entire face softened and he was finally able to relax back against the wall. His hand still clutching tightly to hers.

       Beth realized a lot about Daryl in that moment. She realized he cared about her in the same way she did. She wasn’t sure to what extent, but she knew those feelings were there. She realized those feelings made him feel guilty, whether it was actually because of their age difference, or something more concrete, like thinking a “redneck asshole” like him didn’t ever deserve her. Beth wouldn’t let him drown in his doubts. She was just as stubborn as him. And regardless of what Daryl thought about himself, Beth thought the world of him. In her eyes, he hung the moon and stars.

       She remembered thinking there was no place left in this world that was safe. She was wrong. He was her home.

Notes:

Welp, that chapter was brutal.

This chapter started off with a sweet moment between Rick and Beth. I wanted to show how much Rick trusts Beth when it comes to Judith. Plus we got a proper reunion between our favorite girls.

The Abraham and Beth scene was so fun to write. Abraham has such a specific way of talking, so it provided a nice challenge to try and get him right. As for Beth's thought process about being Judith's mom, I will not stand for any Lori slander. Yes, Lori made mistakes, but so does everyone in this show. Lori tried her best and she went out like an absolute badass. From what I could tell from the show, Beth liked Lori a lot and I think it's safe to say this would be her thought process when Abraham suggests Judith is still hers.

Abraham teasing Beth and Daryl was fun to write too. I definitely took inspiration for that scene from when Daryl made fun of Zach and Beth at the prison. And, of course, I had to add in a Little Asskicker and Daryl moment. How could I resist?

The main event of the chapter is Martin (Terminus man that Tyreese left alive) and Gabriel in the church. Tyreese does leave Martin alive in this universe too. Martin took Mika hostage instead of Judith and Tyreese was going to kill him, but Mika stopped him. She believes you don't have to kill people, especially if its not "necessary". So, the fact that Martin lived to harm Gabriel is a big wake up call to Mika. Tyreese snapped because he started threatening Mika, but also because the sheer horror of seeing someone eat someone else without any remorse. Tyreese wasn't at Terminus, so this is the first time he's actually seeing what those people were capable of.

Gabriel is here! Granted he's down a leg, but he's here nonetheless. I debated whether to have him die like Bob, but that wouldn't have made much sense. SPOILER: Plus, Gabriel becomes one of my favorite characters later in the show, so I couldn't just kill him lol SPOILER END.

We get a little bit of Doctor Beth here, following in her dad's footsteps. She does her best with what she has, but it's really on Gabriel to pull through the night.

Last, but not least, Daryl and Beth conversation at the end. To be blunt, Daryl is using their age difference to push Beth away. When they're alone, Daryl doesn't have to worry about what other people might think of him "going after" a younger girl. At this point in the story, Daryl still sees himself as a "redneck asshole". So, the combination of Beth teasing him about the kid thing and all the new people around that don't know him, made him try to pull away from Beth. I think the fact that Beth kept reiterating that she wanted to be there was what made him understand that he wasn't "stealing" her away. There's probably a lot of trauma there with his dad going after younger girls and being an all around piece of shit. But our girl's stubborn as hell and wasn't going to let him slid backwards.

Anyways, hope you guys enjoyed! See you next Sunday!

Chapter 8: I'm Already Dead

Notes:

Happy Sunday, lovelies! Please excuse any typos. I didn't have a bunch of time to do very thorough editing.

Also, I just wanted to say how much I appreciate you guys for all the love this story has gotten. To all the people that comment, thank you so much! You have no idea how much I appreciate it. And to everyone that just reads my story, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for giving it a chance <3 <3

I hope you enjoy. As always, my thoughts and explanations for the chapter will be in the end notes.

       It was scorching hot and the humidity was making it difficult to breath. It had been about a week since they first arrived at St. Sarah’s Church. Beth was able to convince most of the group they couldn’t leave Gabriel behind. He was in a perilous state and he was helpless. Beth didn’t say it out loud, but it seemed he was helpless before his leg was cut off and now even more so.

       It had been two days since Abraham, Rosita, Eugene, Tara, Sasha, Bob, and Tyreese decided to leave for Washington, taking the church’s bus with them. Nobody wanted to split, but Abraham had started getting restless. It almost devolved into a fight between Rick and Abraham. Beth refused to leave Gabriel until he could at least walk on his own with a crutch. Surprisingly, Rick agreed. Leaving behind a defenseless man to die, would be the same as putting a bullet through his head.

       Mika didn’t take the news of Tyreese leaving very well. Her stifled cries could be heard throughout the first night after the split, but Tyreese told her it was for the best. That they would be reunited sooner than she thought. Beth thought he was just trying to make himself feel better, but, maybe, leaving would help give him some clarity. He seemed so lost after what had happened. Sasha wouldn’t let her brother go alone and Bob wouldn’t leave Sasha’s side, so they left together.

       Eugene dragged his feet, also not wanting to split. Beth found it odd, but he was also an odd guy. She didn’t give it much thought. He was smart. He knew there was safety in numbers and it seemed he had started to like being apart of the group. She couldn’t blame him. There was nothing that would get between their family. She couldn’t imagine not wanting to be apart of something like this. Tara had met Abraham, Rosita, and Eugene before everyone else, so she decided to stick with them.

       Gabriel was relearning how to walk and balance himself, but the hard part was actually motivating him to move at all. He seemed to have sunk into a deep depression. He rarely ate and drank. Within a week, his face had become gaunter. Beth tried her best to cheer him up, but she guessed something besides the loss of his leg was eating away at him. His words stuck in her head, “This is my punishment.”

       Beth kept an eye on him, not letting her guard fully down. She told Rick after some consideration. Something Glenn had said a while ago, “Secrets get people killed.”

       Rick had been keeping his eye on Gabriel more and more, narrowing in on every little word he mumbled to himself. That aside, things were calm, which always meant trouble was on the way.

 

 

       On day three, Daryl scouted out a spot for a run early in the morning. They couldn’t keep relying on what he brought back from his hunts. It wouldn’t keep sustaining all ten of them and Judith needed actual baby food. She was fussing more often than not and Beth guessed it was because she was constantly hungry.

       By the time Daryl had come back and told Rick about the potential spot, Beth was adamant about wanting to go. She had been helping Gabriel make a lap around the church with his crutches when she overheard the conversation.

       “I wanna go,” Beth piped up, as she sat Gabe down gently on one of the pews.

       “Nah,” Daryl protested.

       “I need ta get outta here. Can’t keep starin’ at these four walls an’ roof,” she retorted. Rick’s eyes darted between the two. Beth was bracing for Rick to side with Daryl.

       Rick turned to Daryl, “She needs somethin’ else besides a gun. Place might have somethin’ quieter. Better ta have her come and pick somethin’ out herself. We don’t have the numbers ta waste on someone bringin’ back only weapons. Need all the food we can carry.”

       Daryl was silent until he looked to her, “If we do this, ya stay with me. Don’t want ya leavin’ my sight.”

       Beth wanted to make a joke, maybe call him ‘sir’ again, but she could tell he wasn’t playing around. There was a wild look in his eyes, like he was saying challenge me and see what happens. She wasn’t going to push him. Not today. Beth knew she didn’t need his permission to do anything, but that didn’t mean she would defy everything he said just for the hell of it. He knew this world a lot better than she did.

       She nodded and confirmed, “Ya. Always within your sights.”

       Daryl turned abruptly and walked out of the church as soon as the words let her mouth. Rick looked between Beth and where Daryl had disappeared, his eyebrows raised.

       Beth stopped him, “Don’t. Not a word, Rick.”

       He smirked, “Wasn’t gonna.”

       Maggie slid up next to Beth, witnessing the whole ordeal from one of the backrooms of the church, “Gonna tell me what that was all about?”

       Beth sighed, “It was nothin’. He’s just worried is all.”

       “That looked like a little more than ‘worryin’,” Maggie teased.

       “Okay, I’m gonna—”

       One of the doors to a back room banged open, followed by an exasperated yell, “I can’t find Mika!”

       Beth’s head whipped around to see Carol.

       “What’da ya mean? She was just takin’ a nap in there,” Maggie said.

       “She’s not here. She musta ran off,” Carol responded.

       Rick interjected, “She was cryin’ for Tyreese all night. Maybe she—”

       “Mika’s young, but she’s not stupid.”

       Beth loaded her gun and stuck it in her belt, as she made her way to the front doors of the church. Michonne and Glenn were on a perimeter check. They could have found Mika, before she got too far.

       As Beth crossed the threshold, she was met with a sight she wasn’t prepared for. Daryl was standing at the edge of the tree line. Next to him was Mika. She was smiling so big that Beth could see it all the way from the steps of the church.

       Without taking her eyes off the scene in front of her, she called over her shoulder, “Carol, its alright. Mika’s with Daryl.”

       Carol came rushing up beside Beth, breathing deeply from the stress, but keeping it together pretty well given the circumstances. Beth squeezed Carol’s hand, hoping to reassure her. She let go and quietly approached the odd pair, curious as to what was making Mika smile so much.

       “You really think I could?” Mika asked, staring up at Daryl with wide eyes. She averted her gaze to the crossbow that was hanging limply in Daryl’s hands

       “Mhm,” Daryl replied.

       “Is it hard? When you do it, it looks so easy, but my dad always said everything takes practice even if you’re already good at something,” Mika continued to question with only the curiosity an eight-year-old could have.

       “Draw weight’s heavy, but ya get used to it.”

       Mika nodded like she knew what that meant, “When’d you start using one? You’re really good. You think I could be as good as you someday?”

       “Mhm… Your old man was right. Gotta practice. We gotta get ya one for your size. This one’d shoot ya clear cross Georgia.”

       Mika giggled, “I grew three inches at the prison. Soon, I’ll be as tall as you.”

       “Whatever ya gotta tell yourself, kid,” Daryl said, amused. He looked over his shoulder as Beth approached.

       Beth heard Carol call out, “Mika, come here.” Beth was sure she was about to get scolded for running off.

       As Mika brushed past, she said, “Hi Beth.”

       “Hi Mika. Had us worried there for a second,” Beth said, smiling at the young girl she didn’t know too well yet.

       “I’m fine. I was with Daryl,” she said matter-of-factly, as she walked all the way back to Carol.

       Beth turned back to Daryl, his eyes already on her. She wasn’t sure what to say. Seeing Daryl interact so gently with Mika, made an overwhelming urge overtake her. She wanted to touch him. Feel him. Be close to him. It hit her like a punch to the gut and it took her breath away. She had never wanted him so badly. Her chest ached at the idea that it might never be possible. Daryl may never be comfortable with the idea of them. He may never love her the way she loved him.

       “What’s that look?” Daryl asked, his voice pulling her out of her own head.

       “Uh…nothin’,” Beth paused, trying to get her bearings, “We’re leavin’ soon.”

       He nodded, slinging his crossbow over his shoulder, “You. Stay on me. No half-cocked, hail Mary bullshit.”

       Beth’s mind was stuck on the stay on me part of his sentence. The words circulated in her brain, conjuring up flashes of images and whims that she really didn’t have time to think about right now. But he didn’t have to ask her twice, “I’m with ya.”

 

~

 

       The single building looked relatively new. It seemed odd that an all-purpose store was situated in the middle of nowhere, but from the abandoned construction equipment and piles of gravel everywhere, it was probably going to be part of a larger project. The consensus among the group was that since the location was in the middle of nowhere, maybe this place hadn’t been raided to oblivion yet. And since it was new, maybe not many people would have thought to go for it when the world fell.

       Glenn, Maggie, and Carl stayed back at the church with Judith, Mika, and Gabriel. Everyone else followed Daryl to the scouted location. The first thing Beth noticed when they got there was how eerily quiet it was. No birds, no cicadas, no walker groans. It put her on edge and with the way Rick and Daryl were looking at each other she knew she wasn’t far off.

       They quietly approached the front of the building. There were double glass doors and lined on either side were panes of glass windows. At first glance, she couldn’t detect any movement, but that never meant anything. Daryl banged a fist on the doors to draw any walkers to the front.

       As they waited, Beth scanned the surrounding area. Something wasn’t sitting right with her. She readjusted her grip on her gun. Michonne stood next to her, katana at the ready. A bang against the glass let Beth know a couple walkers had ambled to the front of the store.

       “Good sign,” Rick said, as Michonne joined them, ready to take them out quickly and quietly. Beth stood her ground watching their backs.

       The crunching of knives entering skulls followed by the thud of the walker body on the ground pierced the eerie silence. After the fifth body fell Beth rejoined the group at Daryl’s side, remembering her promise. They all entered the building together. Luckily, the windows allowed enough sunlight to eliminate most of the store. Only the back wall was still cast in shadows.

       Rick broke the silence, keeping his voice low, “Split up. Clear all the aisles. Only take what ya can carry safely.” Michonne and Rick started to break off to the left before he turned around and said to them all, “No matter what you see…you are never safe.”

       A chill ran down Beth’s back, but she nodded nonetheless. It was a good reminder. The walls of the building shielded them from outside dangers, but they didn’t know what threats laid behind the walls. Beth turned and followed Daryl and Carol to the right.

       Within a couple minutes they were clearing aisles, making their way to the middle of the store. A lot of the canned foods had been picked away at, but there were still some “nonperishable” foods that Beth and Carol didn’t hesitate to throw in their bags. She even came across some jars of baby food.

       Daryl was collecting all necessary and helpful non-food items including some left over first aid bandages and ointments for Gabriel and anyone else who might need them, a box of matches, another can opener, rubbing alcohol and some other things. It wasn’t until they reached the furthest aisle to the right that they got to the weapons.

       The aisle was mostly cleared out, but a couple notable things stood out to Beth. She stepped forward to grab two ten-inch knives. They were larger than the daggers she was used to seeing, but something drew her to them.

       Daryl whispered over her shoulder, trying to remain quiet by closing the distance between the two of them, “Throwin’ knives. Handle heavy.” Beth turned to face him; her eyebrows furrowed in question.

       “Ya throw ‘em by the blade. Take ‘em,” he clarified.

       Beth pocketed them and moved to the other thing that caught her eye. It was a bow, but it was simple. No extras. There was a dark oak grip with black carbon fiber coming out each end. There were no arrows, but she was sure Daryl could teach her how to make some. Her fingers wrapped around the handle and Beth thought it felt just right.

       Beth turned to look at Daryl who was watching her carefully, “Ain’t no crossbow, but it’ll work.”

       There was a glimmer of affection in his words that made Beth smile. She put the bow over her shoulder. They finished scanning the aisle, Beth grabbing another machete while Daryl grabbed the remaining ammo. From what Beth could see there was only one box of hunting rifle ammo left. Carol pocketed some other daggers and a hatchet.

       They rounded the corner of the last aisle when a whistle broke the silence settled over the store. It was a whistle they all recognized. Daryl led the way through the store, following the sound. Beth saw Rick and Michonne standing outside a door. They both looked on alert.

       Rick nodded towards the door and pointed to his ear. Beth froze, tuning her ears into every little noise around her. Then, she heard it. Faint whimpers were coming from behind the door. Daryl’s arm came out in front her at the same moment she heard the whines, almost like it was a subconscious instinct. His hand wrapped around her arm and he gently pushed her fully behind him. Beth wouldn’t argue, not now. She trusted his instincts and, if she was being honest with herself, something in her gut was telling her something was wrong.

       She pulled out the machete she just grabbed, thinking it would draw less attention than her gun, but put enough distance between her and whatever was behind the door. Carol was by her side, gun aimed. They were the last line of defense.

       Rick reached for the door handle and swung it open, his colt python aimed out in front of him. The whining cut out the minute the door opened. A chill went up Beth’s spine. Something was wrong. The whines sounded inhuman and the way they cut out so quickly had Beth wanting to pull Rick away from the door, but it was too late.

       Before he could even cross the threshold into the room, a figure shot out of the darkness. It knocked over Rick and Michonne in the process due to sheer momentum. Scrawled on the floor was the shell of a woman. At first glance, Beth thought the figure was a walker with how gaunt her face and body were. The woman’s head whipped around, involuntarily twitching as she took them all in. Her blood ran cold when she saw the woman holding a shotgun. She was holding it to her chest like it was a baby.

       Rick and Michonne were up by the time the screeching started. The woman opened her mouth and, at first, Beth thought she was going to speak, but all that came out was a high-pitched shriek. It was clear this woman was completely gone, but no one knew what to do. She was making so much noise, but she was also armed.

       Beth stepped out from behind Daryl, “Ma’am…please. We have to be quiet.”

       The shrieking cut off again and the woman went completely still, no twitching or wide-eyed staring. It was like she transformed into a different person. She slowly turned towards Beth, a thousand-yard stare in her eyes. The woman was looking into her, but also through her. Goosebumps broke out on her arms. Something wasn’t right.

       Daryl tried to step back in front of her, when the woman finally spoke, “Cecilia, you came back.”

       Her voice was not at all what Beth thought it would be. It was light and singsong like a child. Everything in Beth wanted to run, but she wasn’t sure if she would start shooting if they did. So, she made a choice.

       “Yes, I’m back. These are my friends. They helped me get back to ya,” Beth whispered.

       “No…no. No. You said it was just going to be us. No one else. You promised me,” the woman heaved, clearly distressed.

       Beth was at a loss, but she continued, trying to keep her voice soft and calming, “I know, but I wouldn’t of been able to make it back to ya, if it weren’t for them.”

       The woman’s voice rose, “You said we couldn’t trust anyone. That monsters wore human faces. You lied! You lied!”

       A flash of a nightmare Beth had ages ago went through her mind. Images of a broken Daryl telling her she lied painted the back of her eyelids. Beth scrambled, trying to get her to calm down, “No, I didn’t lie. I would never lie to you.” Beth hadn’t realized Rick creeping closer to the woman while she had her attention. As much as this woman terrified her, she didn’t want them to have to kill her.

       As the last word left Beth’s mouth, the woman stood up abruptly. Her gaze turned wild, “You’re not Cecilia.” The woman raised her shotgun, aiming at Beth’s head, “You wear her face. Monster!”

       She sneered and waved the gun at Daryl, “Get away from your guardian. Move.”

       Beth reluctantly separated herself from the group, walking backwards. She was partially in an aisle as she moved slowly to the front of the store. Beth wouldn’t dare take her eyes of the woman, afraid anything she did would set her off. The barrel of the shotgun was nearly touching her chest, when she heard Daryl yell out

       “Hey! If ya want Cecelia back, ya let her go now!” Daryl yelled; his crossbow aimed at the woman’s head.

       An unhinged giggle ripped through her throat. The woman turned slowly, the gun swiveling to the side, following her body, “I’m already dead. Cecil—"

       The woman wasn’t able to finish her sentence, as Beth imbedded her machete into the woman’s neck. It went halfway through before it was halted by the spinal column. She pulled the weapon back towards her releasing it, a spirt of blood coating Beth’s face and shirt. The woman collapsed; her shotgun thudding to the ground. Blood bubbled from her neck, as her last breath warbled out. Never in her life had Beth saw death as a kindness. Not until this moment.

       She walked forward, kneeling down next to the woman, and whispered, “I’m sorry.” Beth drove her machete into her skull, letting her finally rest in peace.

       Daryl snapped out of his shock before everyone else. He approached her like he would a frightened animal. No words were exchanged, just a look of understanding. All those feeling she bottled up earlier came flooding back. She reached out and pulled him to her, burying her face in his chest. She just wanted to touch him. Feel him. Engulf her senses with him.

       He smelled like sweat and blood, but underneath all that the familiar scent of forest brush peeked through. She felt him hesitant, but his arms soon enveloped her, not caring that they had company anymore. He whispered into her hair, “Ya did good, girl.”

       Beth shivered as his words washed over her. His praise pulled at something deep inside her. She vaguely felt a twinge of disgust at herself, that these were the things she was thinking and feeling after she murdered someone. The body wasn’t even cold yet. The woman’s voice echoed in her head, “Monster.” But any feeling of disgust was overpowered by the way Daryl looked at her.

       Adoration. That’s what she saw when she finally pulled her face from his chest. It was subtle, but she could see it.

       Their bubble of bliss and faux safety was popped when Michonne whispered yelled, “Guys. Look.”

       She had made her way to the front of the store, looking out the windows at something in the distance. Everyone closed in around her. Beth followed Michonne’s eyeline and looked through the front windows into the parking lot. At first Beth couldn’t see anything, but, as her eyes adjusted and she looked past the parking lot towards the tree line across the street, Beth saw it.

       A horde of walkers were coming towards the store. And not tens of them, like they were used to dealing with.

       It was hundreds of them.

Notes:

Just for reference, timeline-wise, they have been at the church longer in my story than in the show.

A little bit of a filler chapter this week, but one that is still greatly important for setting up later chapters. The group has split, but not how it did in the show. After what happened with Tyreese and Martin, I don't think it is a stretch to think he would want to leave as quickly as possible. I wanted GREATM to be together, but it just didn't work out. Maggie would never leave Beth and Glenn would never leave Maggie.

I put in a cute little interaction with Mika and Daryl. I always liked how Daryl treated Judith in the later seasons and I wanted to show a little glimpse of that here with Mika. Plus, Beth seeing that side of Daryl was important. She's seen him with Judith, but its different when its an 8 year old vs. an infant.

Daryl as usually is being his protective self with Beth. He knows she can take care of herself, but a sort of possessive protectiveness takes over when she willingly puts herself in danger. And we get a little bit of a glimpse into the scope of Beth's feelings for Daryl.

And finally to the all purpose store. Although this scene is a side quest from the main plot, it is still important. With every life Beth takes, she remakes herself into a new person in order to cope with what she did. Here you see her cling to Daryl afterwards and spiral into those emotions she was bottling up earlier. I'm flirting with the idea of Dark Beth & Dark Daryl, in the sense of putting their characters in the same realm at Savage "Season 5" Rick Grimes.

Fun note: I added in a little reference to 5x03 into Beth's dialogue. Thought it was a nice touch haha!

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts and talk with you in the comments! See you next Sunday!

Chapter 9: Let Me Down

Notes:

Hello lovelies, another Sunday chapter is upon us! I'm excited for this one. I hope you enjoy!

As always my thoughts and explanations will be in the end notes. I can't wait to read your guy's thoughts in the comments! All the love :)

       The absences of bird chirps and cicadas buzzing made sense now. All the animals had gone, hoping to get away from the horde that was moving through. The doors wouldn’t hold. Not against that many of them. It was too late to barricade, so that left them with one option.

       “Daryl. Beth. Get some bedsheets. Jackets. Anything,” Rick commanded, as he quickly opened the front door and dragged in two of the walkers they downed earlier, “Gutting up will mask our scent. We’re gonna have to walk through ‘em before they tear this place down.”

       Rick reached for Carol’s hatchet and started hacking up the walkers. Beth went looking for bedsheets, Daryl close behind. It didn’t take long. Most of the bed and bath aisle was still intact. Hygiene and comforts weren’t exactly high on the list of essentials in a world like this. Beth and Daryl grabbed two sets of sheets each and rushed back to the front doors.

       Using her newly found daggers, she cut holes into the bedsheets. Everyone grabbed one of their own, cutting it to a correct length so it didn’t trip them. Beth looked up, as she was gutting up, and realized the horde was already at the parking lot. Luckily, they were slow, but they needed to leave soon. Beth secured her pack and bow to her back. Her gun and machete were secured in her belt. She kept her knives in her hands just in case.

       “Will the sheets be enough?” Beth asked Rick and Carol, the only two people that have ever done this.

       “It should be, but…I don’t wanna promise anythin’,” Rick answered, a grim expression on his face.

       Daryl reached down into the guts of the walker, gutting up his hands. He turned to Beth and swiped his thumb across her cheeks and forehead, being careful to avoid her eyes and mouth. Everyone else followed suit, deciding to take the risk of potential infection and sickness. Daryl gutted up his own face and the only thing left to do was leave.

       The walkers were halfway across the parking lot now, closing in on them. Rick turned back to everyone one last time, “Don’t panic. Everyone goes to the right side of the parking lot. Keep a hold of each other. If ya get separated, meet up at the stream we passed over to get here.”

       Beth took a deep breath, preparing for the stench and the claustrophobia. She pocketed her knives and took Daryl and Michonne’s hand. Rick was in the front of the line followed by Michonne, then Beth, Daryl, and Carol bringing up the rear.

       Rick opened up the door, stepping out into the afternoon light. The thing Beth hadn’t prepared for was how loud the horde would be. They weren’t even in the midst of them yet, but it was nearly deafening. It drowned out even her most terrified thoughts.

       They skirted the right side of the building, trying to make it to the far side of the parking lot before the horde was on them. Beth kept her eyes focused on the ground, counting every single step she made to distract herself. Eventually, they turned to the left and were engulfed by the dead. Their pace became slower as they walked into the horde, but Beth didn’t dare look up to see their progress. She kept her eyes trained on her boots, keeping her focus on her steps.

       At one point, she realized Daryl was squeezing her hand in a rhythm. She didn’t know how long he had been doing that, so she squeezed back twice making sure he knew she was all right. Frankly, the only thing keeping Beth moving forward was knowing he was right there. That Michonne was right in front of her, pulling her forward.

       Beth guessed they were about in the middle of the horde, because things started to get more and more cramped. She was thankful Daryl covered her face in guts, because she was shorter than most people and all the walker’s chomping maws passed right by her head.

       The growling and moaning were thunderous. It eventually just turned into a wall of sound that all blended together, but the worst of it all was the stench. If she thought about it too much, it would make her gag. She just kept her head down, calculating exactly where her foot would go every single step of the way.

       Rick started leading them to the right into the woods on the side of the parking lot. It was getting too risky going against the flow of so many walkers. So, they started walking parallel. Beth heard Hershel’s voice in her head when he first took her to the beach as a little girl.

 

       “Be careful, Bethie. What did I tell ya?” Hershel asked.

       “Don’t swim ‘gainst the current. Always swim parallel,” Beth answered, like she was reciting from a drilling manual. She couldn’t remember how many times her daddy had made her say it. Now all she could see was the big blue ocean in front of her and she wanted in. She was practically jumping up and down, trying to contain herself.

       “Good. Go. Be careful,” Hershel smiled.

 

       They were no longer swimming against the current. It took a couple more minutes of wading through the thick of them when they finally broke free. They were still surrounded, but not nearly as bad. They continued to walk hand in hand into the trees, trying to put as much distance between them and the horde as possible.

       Rick kept glancing to the road to his left, wanting to keep it in his sights, so they could eventually circle back and find their way to the church again. The sun started to sink closer to the horizon and nobody wanted to get caught trying to find their way back in the dark. So, Rick started to pick up the pace.

       Eventually, the moans and growls of the horde were just a soft buzzing in the distance. Rick finally turned the group back towards the road. Only a couple stragglers around them now. Everyone let go, breaking the chain, stretching their stiff fingers after gripping each other so hard. Beth quietly grabbed for one of her new knives, feeling naked without a weapon in her hand.

      They all stayed silent, not wanting even the smallest sound to sway the horde towards them again. Towards the church. Daryl took over the lead after Rick got them across the road. He would bring them all home. Beth knew it. Rick would get to see Judith and Carl. Carol would be reunited with Mika. Beth would get to see Maggie. Daryl would get them there. She had faith.

       They made it to the stream as the last of the sunlight faded. Beth was thankful they gutted up, because she wasn’t sure she would be able to see a walker coming up on them, let alone another human. She didn’t know how Daryl was able to tell which way to go. Everything looked the same in the dark. But she got her answer pretty quickly.

       Daryl halted, bringing everyone else to a stop, “We’re gonna have ta wait it out ‘til mornin’. Can’t see shit. Don’t wanna get us lost.”

       “Alright. I want two people on watch at all times even if ya have ta stagger. We don’t know where that horde’s gonna go next and I don’t wanna be taken by surprise,” Rick commanded, voice low.

       Beth spoke up before anyone else could. She would prefer to take an early watch over a later one, “I’ll take first watch.”

       Rick nodded at her as Daryl said, “I’ll stagger with her.”

       She felt the weight of his words settle over the group. No one said anything about it, but the tension of unsaid words was passed around like a hot potato. Sly glances were thrown their way and between each other, like she was sitting on the outside of a pretty good inside joke. Beth knew they knew. She wondered if Daryl did too.

       It wasn’t a secret. She was sure they all saw how she looked at him. It wasn’t like she tried to hide it, but she was worried Daryl would take it the wrong way. She was worried he would think they were silently making fun of him, or, worse, they disapproved.

       None of them cared. Beth had seen that and if anyone was going to care, it would have been Maggie. In some alternate timeline, she could see herself bringing Daryl home to her daddy on the farm. She could hear the argument and the words whipped at each other.

 

       “Ya don’t understand, daddy! I love him. He’s not like what ya think. I swear. He’s good to me,” Beth would cry.

       Hershel would raise his voice, loud enough for Daryl to hear in the other room, “He’s twice your age! You’re still a child, Bethie. Ya don’t even understand the things he wants from you yet.”

       Then she would hear the screen door slam shut and a motorcycle engine revving. She would run out the door, tears streaming down her face, as she stood in the kicked-up dust and watched him leave. Accusations spit from the mouth of someone who hadn’t known him, from someone he craved acceptance from, making him leave. His worst fears coming to life.

       Hershel would be stood on the porch, watching his heartbroken daughter, thinking he had done right by her. The fact that Daryl left her was just confirmation to him that he made the right decision for his Beth.

       She would turn and say, “I needed ya to trust me. Ya looked at me like I let ya down. Like ya pity my meek young mind… But ya know, you let me down too, Daddy.”

       They would fight tooth and nail, because, if Beth was anything, she was just as stubborn as her father. Cruel words would be thrown around, but, in the end, Hershel would come around. He would see how Daryl treated Beth like she was the sun after months of darkness. He would see how he protected and looked after her. And he would see how his Bethie looked at him like he was her home.

       Hershel would approve because he hadn’t seen two people look at each other like that since Beth’s mother was still alive.

 

       But that’s not how it would happen. The world where that was possible was gone. Hershel was gone. Annette was gone. The farm was gone. But she still had Maggie. She still had Daryl. Her found family. It was enough. In fact, it was far more than enough. And she would do anything to keep them.

 

~

 

       Beth’s back rested against a tree, scanning the forest for any signs of danger. Even though she couldn’t see past her own outstretched hand, she pretended she was doing something productive. Daryl was standing by her side, crossbow resting on his back. He was also scanning the woods, but it seemed he could actually see things. Every once in awhile his eyes would dart to something and she would look, but all she saw were dark shadows.

       Sometimes she thought she saw movement out of the corner of her eye, but when she looked it was gone. She shivered, feeling like her mind was playing tricks on her.

       “Ya cold?” Daryl’s gruff voice broke Beth out of her trance.

       “No…” she trailed off, whispering, because raising her voice felt dangerous out here. “I feel like there’s always somethin’ ‘round the corner waitin’. Watchin’.”

       He turned, looking down at her, “That’s your gut keepin’ ya alive. It knows what it’s protectin’.”

       His words brought her comfort. It reminded her there was a point to this constant state of fear and impending doom. It was keeping her ready and alert. It was protecting her, but also her family.

       “You ever think we’ll ever be able to stop runnin’? Find some place that’ll last,” Beth questioned, hoping he could quell her fears that this was all that was left for them.

       “I ain’t gonna make promises, but if anyone could get there it’s this group.”

       A grin broke out on her face, feeling lighter “How optimistic of ya, Mr. Dixon.”

       He growled under his breath, “Cut that shit out. Ya know what you’re doin’.”

       The words had spilled out of her mouth unintentionally teasing. She had forgotten what happened the last time she used them. Beth had a guess about what they did, “Cut what out?”

       “Beth…” he sighed, exasperated, his head falling back.

       She held in her laugh, “Daryl.”

       He took a step towards her, suddenly watching her intently, “Don’t. Play. With me.”

       Something shifted and caught fire. The light teasing was gone. The warm bubbly feeling she got when they were joking around evaporated. In its place was something heavy and darker and it burned. It started in her stomach and consumed her. She became acutely aware of everything. Her heartbeat pounded against her ribcage and her skin felt too tight.

       It felt good to have her pulse raised by something that wasn’t dangerous. Beth guessed that was a lie though. Daryl was dangerous. He just wasn’t dangerous to her. Beth’s eyes travelled to his mouth. She wanted to kiss him and, in that moment, she couldn’t remember ever wanting anything more.

       Then a more desperate need hit her like a freight train. Everything in her body and her heart told her to tell him. Everything screamed at her to tell him. The three words she’d never uttered to a man that wasn’t her father sat on the tip of her tongue. She didn’t want to hold on to them anymore.

       “Ya’ll alright?” Rick grumbled, sleepily, from the dark. Beth peeled her eyes away from Daryl, as he took a step back. The minute he moved away she felt the moment they shared scatter with the wind. The fire that ignited between them was dosed.

       Beth’s voice came out breathy, as she answered, “Yeah. All clear. Ya takin’ over?” Rick, stretching the sleep from his limbs, was all the answer she needed. While he woke himself up, Beth turned back to Daryl. His eyes were already on her, timidly following her every movement. She could see the hesitation creeping in, making him doubt himself. His own intentions and whether she also wanted him too.

       Something had almost happened between them and they both knew it. There was a shift. And Beth wanted to make sure that he knew she was right there with him. He didn’t need to ever doubt how she felt.

       Before Rick could finish riffling through his bag, Beth closed the distance between them again. She lifted up on her toes and placed a kiss on his cheek, lingering a second longer than necessary, but enough to make him understand.

       She grinned, sheepishly, and whispered, “Goodnight.”

       It was too dark to see his eyes, but she felt his intense gaze on her as she switched with Rick. She tried to settle her heart, but every time she closed her eyes Daryl’s piercing gaze stared back at her. He would visit Beth in her dreams that night.

 

~

 

       What felt like an hour passed without incident. Daryl shifted uncomfortably next to Rick. She had gotten to him again. Beth teased him until his blood boiled, but it wasn’t anger he felt. It wasn’t like when Merle would torment him until he exploded in anger. She provoked him on purpose, but it wasn’t at his expense. He couldn’t sit still and Rick took notice. His all-observing gaze was staring Daryl down.

       “Ya look like ya go got slapped,” Rick finally said.

       “You can’t see shit out here,” Daryl accused.

       “Don’t need ta. Ya always have that look on your face after talkin’ with Beth.”

       “Watch it,” he grumbled. Daryl could practically hear the smirk in Rick’s voice.

       Silence fell between them. Rick knew when to stop pushing, but he was still waiting for him to drop whatever Rick-wisdom he had. That’s usually how it went with Rick, but it never came and somehow that irritated him even more.

       “You woulda locked my redneck ass up if ya ever saw me five feet from her,” Daryl spit back at him.

       Rick sighed. His voice took on a serious tone, “Things aren’t like how they were. Don’t push away somethin’ good just cause ya can’t let that shit go.”

       His words hit him hard. It reminded him of what Beth had said, “Ya gotta put it away or it kills you.” His frustration seeped out of him slowly. Daryl wasn’t angry at Rick. He was angry at himself. He wanted Beth by his side always, but every moment with her was shadowed by his father’s voice. Merle’s voice. In moments where he thought everything would be all right, he heard him: “Come on, boy! She’s practically throwin’ herself at ya. Who woulda thought my baby brother liked ‘em young.” He couldn’t end up like them.

     And here Rick was, telling him the opposite. The back and forth in his own head gave him whiplash. Daryl never wanted to talk to anyone about this, but it was slowly eating him alive. The closer he got to Beth the more his determination to keep her away dissolved.

     Rick interjected his spiraling thoughts, “I told Glenn the same thing. Seemed to work out for them.”

     Daryl responded, amused, “What? Ya tellin’ me you’re sum sorta match-maker now?”

     Rick huffed out a laugh, “Nah, I’m tellin’ ya the same thing I told Glenn… Get your head outta your ass.”

     Rick couldn’t see it, but Daryl grinned. His brother always knew what to say.

             

~

 

       The church came into view. The fogginess of the morning obscured it somewhat, but Beth couldn’t be happier. Until she saw a big red firetruck parked off to the right. Walker bodies littering the ground around the front door. Her blood ran cold.

       She started running. Dead walkers were better than live walkers, but still. Whose truck was that? Did they hurt Maggie? Judith? Carl? Mika? Glenn? She slowed as she got close to the door, stepping over the walkers.

       As she got to the steps, a walker to her left reanimated, groaning. It reached out for her ankle. She pulled her knife from her belt and drove it into his skull, taking care of it as quickly as it had reached for her. Beth vaguely heard Daryl and Rick come up next to her. Rick had his gun out in front of him, ascending up the stairs to the door.

       He opened it slowly, pushing in. Daryl on his heels. Beth felt rooted to the spot. She wanted one more second to sit in the knowledge that they were all still alive and well. She just needed one more second, before the storm hit. Michonne came around her side.

       The she heard a booming voice from inside the church say, “Hey, asshole.”

       She knew that voice. It belonged to a hulking man with ginger hair. Abraham. Beth unfroze and looked to Michonne and she was already smiling. Beth leaped up the stairs and into the church.

       Her heart settled. Everyone was there. Abraham, Rosita, Sasha, Tyreese, Bob, and Eugene. Carl was holding Judith. Mika was in Tyreese’s arms. Maggie was next to Glenn, smiling over at Beth. Even Gabriel was lighting up at the reunion.

       She breathed out, feeling all the stress in her body replaced by joy. And then the confusion hit. Why were they back? It’s not like they could have forgotten something. Beth looked to Eugene. His head was hung low, but even from here she could see a black circle forming around his left eye. From the way Rosita and Abraham were separated from him and wouldn’t look at him, Beth could guess what had happened.

       Eugene didn’t want to leave this group, not because there was safety in number to get him to Washington, but because he lied. There was no cure for this world. No saving grace. And if Beth was being honest with herself, she wasn’t all that disappointed. A part of her knew it couldn’t be true. Maybe when all the happiness of seeing her family together passed, the anger would hit her, but right now she was content.

Notes:

Your honor, they're soulmates! Ugh I loved writing this chapter. You have no idea how close I was to just writing their first kiss, but alas it wouldn't work here. Daryl still isn't quite ready for that, but we're getting there. The cheek kiss was a last minute add, but I think it fit well in that scene. It was the sweetness that followed the spice.

I think one of my favorite scenes I've written is the flash to an alternate timeline where Beth introduces Daryl to Hershel. I think it adds a lot of context to Beth's emotions. Beth believes wholeheartedly that Hershel would approve of Daryl, no question. Even if the world never fell, she still believes he would come around. I think there's a big part of Daryl that doesn't think Hershel would approve, which is just another thing holding him back. But that also conflicts with what Rick is saying and Daryl really values his opinions and trusts him. So, there are a lot of layers there.

The way Daryl reacts to Beth calling him Mr. Dixon is a hard one to write through. I want his reaction to be genuine to the character. I don't think most people see Daryl as a dominant personality (and I don't either. Hell, look at how he hugs people in the series and you'll see my point). However I do think there's fire in him. We see that from season 1 all the way through to season 4, before Beth was taken. So, I'm adding a little bit of that fire into their relationship. Daryl is still a big softie, but I wanted to show that he still has that passion and fire in him, which is stoked by Beth. Since she was never taken, that only grows.

Rick and Daryl's conversation is a little reminiscent of the scene between Glenn and Rick in 2x08. Rick sees that Daryl tortures himself over Beth. He tries his best to ease his concerns, but Daryl's the only one that can let go of his own past.

Everyone is back together again! Trust me there was a reason I had them leave and come back, especially with the changed group. Guess you'll just have to wait and see what I have planned :D

See you all next Sunday!

Chapter 10: Monster

Notes:

Hello lovelies, here is chapter 10! I can't believe we're already ten chapters in. This is a bit of a longer chapter.

I hope you guys enjoy and as always all my thoughts and explanations for the chapter will be in the end notes. I can't wait to hear all your thoughts in the comments! All the love <3

       “Liar,” she whispered. “Wearing the face of an angel, but the blood you weep is black.”

       The woman twitched, glitching in and out of her peripherals. The large gash in her neck oozed, coating the left side of her body. The woman hissed and faded in and out of the shadows. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up, being unable to pinpoint the woman’s next move.

       The woman appeared in front of her, eyes milky. The skin of her face was sagging with decay, “Imposter! You wear her face. Liar! Liar! Liar!” The woman screeched. Her hand reached out and seized her. Blackened nails starkly contrasting with the pale skin of her arm. She twisted and pulled her close, rotting teeth gleaming with blood.

       “Monster. Wearing the face of an innocent,” the woman’s words barreled into her, ripping out her heart and squeezing. Then her face shifted, morphing until it was no longer a woman’s face that stared at her, but an old man. He stood tall with a big bushy white beard and hair in a short ponytail.

       Hershel.

       His face was void of all emotion, “How far have you fallen, Beth?”

           

 

       Beth lurched awake. A gasp escaped her, as she tried to suck in a breath. Her heart was pounding so hard against her chest she was sure it would burst right through her skin. A bead of sweat rolled down her back between her shoulder blades. Her eyes darted around until she saw Daryl next to her. He was already awake, a look of alarm on his face.

       Beth’s eyes finally adjusted. It was late and she was still in the backseat of one of the vans they had picked up as they travelled north. She looked around, trying to take in her surroundings. Rick was resting in the front seat with Carl and Judith in the passenger seat. Glenn, Maggie, Michonne, and Carol were in the back two rows.

       She looked back to Daryl. His hand reached out and laid on top of hers. Beth hadn’t realized, but she was clasping his arm hard enough for her fingernails to draw blood.

       She let go immediately, rushing out a whispered response, “I’m sorry. Sorry… I didn’t...”

       Daryl nodded his head towards the door, as he opened it and led her outside into the warm night. The frogs and cicadas were creating a beautiful symphony. If Beth closed her eyes, she could imagine it was just another night on the farm.

       They had been travelling along route 29 until they crossed the Savannah River into South Carolina. They headed off the beaten path after route 29 changed into 85 and started taking them north too soon. So, they kept trekking east across South Carolina, hoping to cross into North Carolina between Wilmington and route 95. Rick, Abraham, Daryl, and Eugene did their best to keep them off busy congested highways and out of cities. So far, it hadn’t been a problem, but gas was getting harder and harder to find. They already had to switch out one of their cars.

       A light breeze passed over her skin, blowing whisps of her hair across her face. She took out her ponytail and braid to redo it. She needed something to do with her hands, if only to hide their shaking.

       Daryl watched her as he asked, “How long?”

       “They’re not usually that bad,” Beth responded, trying and failing to braid her hair from the tremors in her hands.

       “Ain’t what I asked,” Daryl walked towards her, securing his crossbow strap across his chest, “Give it here.” He put his hand out, waiting for her to give up the hair tie.

       “I can do it,” she responded, no conviction behind her words. Beth felt useless against her own mind. Not being able to do her own damn hair made that all the more apparent.

       Daryl’s voice softened, but his hand never lowered, “I know.”

       She relented and placed the hair tie in his waiting hand, “Who taught ya how ta braid?” He circled behind her, as she let her head fall back slightly. Goosebumps broke out on her arms as his fingers lightly grazed her shoulders, gathering the hair at the nape of her neck.

       “Ain’t rocket science,” he paused, as he split her hair into three parts, “My mom. She liked her wine and her Virginia Slims. Used ta smoke in bed. She taught me how ta keep it outta her way. Only asked if Merle was gone. Knew I’d get my ass beat if he caught me doin’ some shit like that.”

Beth hung on his every word. It was a rare moment when Daryl talked about his life before. It was the first time she heard a positive memory from his childhood. He continued to braid, making sure it was tight, but not enough to tug uncomfortably at her scalp.

       So many questions flew through her mind, but she knew he had offered up a vulnerable memory. She wouldn’t push, but she locked the information away for later. His hand brushed her upper back and she found herself leaning into the small touch. Daryl paused, his deft fingers falling still. Beth’s face heated up, feeling embarrassed like she’d been caught red handed, but he continued on without another word. She would have given anything to know what he was thinking right now.

       Instead, she cleared her throat, finally ready to answer his question. Her thumb circled the scar on her wrist, “They started after my mama and the barn. I used to see her screamin’ at me to stop as I took the mirror shard…” Beth took in a deep breath, then blew it out, “They got better at the prison. Some stability helped and I guess I was too busy with Judith to sleep much anyways. Then the Governor… My dad…And you know the rest.”

       By the time she was finished talking, Daryl had braided her hair and come back around to face her, “What ‘bout tonight?”

       Remembering the nightmare, the woman’s face, sent a shiver through her whole body. She could hear her voice so clearly in her head. It haunted her even when she was awake. The high-pitched, child-like tone never let Beth have a moment of peace.

       “The woman in the store,” was all Beth needed to say for Daryl to understand.

       “You ain’t gotta feel bad ‘bout that.”

       “I think that’s what’s eaten at me,” Beth paused, bracing for the impact of speaking her fears out loud, “I don’t feel bad. But I should. She didn’t deserve what I did.”

       The woman was right. Beth was a monster.

       Beth watched Daryl’s feet shuffle closer, “Look at me,” she raised her chin up, holding Daryl’s determined stare, “It was gonna come down to you or her. Ya did what ya had to.”

       Beth shook her head, “No, she was turnin’ the gun on you. That’s when I decided she had to die. Wasn’t gonna take that chance.”

       Daryl stilled, his chest expanding from taking in a deep breath, “You regret it?”

       Beth’s brows furrowed, “Not for a second. I couldn’t lose you. Any a’ you.” Something came to Beth, as she was sifting through all her hurt. A wave of exhaustion gripped her as she reminisced, “Andrea told me once that the pain never went away. Ya just made room for it. She was right. It always makes itself known one way or another. But if you ever…I couldn’t live with that.”

       Daryl’s eyes bounced across her face, taking in her words and accessing. He looked upset at her confession. He let out a rushed breath through his noise, “You tell that shit to fuck off.”

       After the initial shock of his words hit Beth, a grin spread across her face at his bluntness, “Is that the Dixon method?”

       “Nah, but it’s somethin’.”

       “Somethin’ huh? Guess I could work with that.”

       Beth wouldn’t admit it, but in the comforts of her own mind she told the world to “fuck off”. And it made her feel better. She wasn’t sure if it was the sheer audacity of it or if it was just Daryl being there for her. Walking her through it, listening to her.

       Daryl turned back towards the van and opened the door, waiting for her to get in first. As she was about to climb inside, he stopped her. His hand gripped her arm and his blue eyes pierced into her, “Ya could. Live with it. Ya gotta.”

 

~

 

       The “Welcome to Virginia: Virginia is for Lovers” sign came a lot quicker than Beth expected. As they passed the sign, she saw that “lovers” was spray painted through and replaced with Wolves. Beth clocked it and remembered thinking it was odd, but not having enough energy to say anything.

       Food and water had started to become scarce. Most of what they found was given to Judith, Carl, and Mika first and then the rest was split among the adults. They had to start eating on opposite days. On certain days one half of the group would eat and the other half would hold out until the next day.

       Daryl had started a bad habit of trying to split his already small portion of food with her, but she adamantly refused. He was one of their best fighters and defenders, not to mention he was the one that usually tracked down the group’s food. He was keeping everyone alive and he needed his strength.

       Beth subconsciously drifted to Daryl’s side more often than not. She went hunting with him, which also doubled as practice with her new bow and throwing knives. For all Daryl’s gruff straightforwardness, he was a good teacher. He balanced encouragement with critiques well. After a couple weeks on the road, Beth had gotten better and better. With the bow, she could hit targets that were moving slowly with pretty good accuracy, but she had excelled with the knives. Not only in throwing, but also in wielding them in close combat. Daryl had done his best to teach her how to fight, but his style of fighting suited someone his size more than someone smaller like her. It was still helpful regardless.

       If she wasn’t out hunting and training with Daryl or on watch, she was taking care of Judith or Father Gabriel. Judith was often fussy because of the heat and she wasn’t getting as much food as she needed. Gabriel was better after they fashioned a wooded stand for his leg. It was similar to her dad’s, but took far longer to create on the road. Gabe mostly kept to himself, but he would sometimes talk to Beth about his life before the Fall. He still muttered to himself at night, but she figured he would talk when he was ready.

       As Beth and Daryl spent more time together, she could tell he became more and more comfortable with letting the group see them interact. He was realizing how little everyone else cared. In this world, Beth learned to take all the good and run with it.

 

 

       One of their cars ran out of gas outside of Woodford, heading towards Washington like they planned. They ditched it on the side of the road and all piled into the last remaining car, but within a day they lost that one too. So, they had to walk.

       The road seemed to go on for as long as the eye could see. It was blanketed on each side by forest. The downfall of using backroads was the long stretches of nothingness in between. The sun beat down on them, frying what was left of their sanity. Most of them have gone with just a sip of water once every day, trying to ration as much as possible. Beth’s last meal was a fourth of a squirrel Daryl had shot three days ago.

       The only reason she was still putting one foot in front of the other was because of her family. If they kept going, she kept going. If Rick didn’t stop, she wouldn’t stop.

       Every couple of hours she would take Judith, strapping her to her back or front depending on what parts of her body ached the most. When Carl had Judith, him and Mika would keep her distracted. Rick and Tyreese also took turns carrying her. Beth knew they had to find shelter and water soon or this road would become their graveyard. Bob came up next to Beth holding out one of the last water bottles.

       “Come on. I haven’t seen you drink something today,” his voice full of concern.

       Beth shook her head, subconsciously licking her chapped lips, “I’m alright.”

       “Please, take it. You’ve been carrying Judith on and off all day,” he said, “Don’t make me stick your sister on ya.”

       Despite everything, Beth grinned. Her lips cracked and stung with the movement, but it was a grin nonetheless. She took the bottle from Bob and took two gulps before handing it back. The near constant patch of dryness in her throat eased considerably, “Thank you.”

       “Don’t mention it. Figured we should be ready for when we find some shelter.”

       Bob’s optimism, whether far fetched or not, was always something Beth cherished. It reminded her that if Bob was here, there were still good people out there too. There had to be.

       “Is today a good day, Bob?” Beth asked with a smile. It was a little game she played after she overheard Sasha and Bob talking one day when they were in South Carolina. When Beth was feeling down about their situation, she would ask Bob if it was a good day. And he would tell her all the positive things around them.

       “It most definitely is. The sun is shining. We’re gettin’ a good tan. We’re here together. No walkers in sight,” Bob responded with a content look on his face.

       “Low food and water?”

       “All in due time. Builds up our stamina. It’ll make use stronger in the long run.”

       Beth nodded, letting all Bob’s positivity sink into her bones. At first, she thought his optimism was for show, but after spending so many weeks with him she realized he truly believed it. It was a rare thing and Beth held onto it will all her might.

       A week ago, she had overheard the tail end of a conversation Bob and Rick were having. His words stuck in her brain, lighting the way through the shadows of this world.

 

       “This is the real world, Bob,” Rick urged him to understand.

       “Nah. This is a nightmare, and nightmares end,” Bob replied, all the conviction in the world behind his words.

 

       This world was a nightmare and Bob was right. It had to end sometime. Life couldn’t be all bad and all good. It always had to swing back to the middle. Beth held those words close to her heart, letting a little spark of hope light the way.

       They kept walking down the road, Rick leading the way. Beth prayed for any sort of exit, because exits meant towns and towns meant shelter and possibly food and water. Hell, at this point, she would take a dinky dirt road to a farm house. Anything.

       The reflection of the sun at its peak on the black asphalt made the stretch of distance in front of them look hazy. It hurt her eyes and head to look at it for too long, so she turned her focus to the ground and fixated on staying upright.

       The shuffling of feet around her drowned out all her thoughts and feelings. All she could think about was how thirsty she was, how exhausted, how hungry. And eventually even just thinking of those three things became draining, so she started counting her footsteps.

       She was ending her twenty seventh round of counting to a hundred, when she realized everyone had stopped walking. Beth looked to Rick first who was staring up ahead. There was a pretty severe curve in the road, so all she saw was more trees. She walked up to the front and followed Rick’s line of sight. Poking out from behind the trees was an open field with a large one-story building spanning across it.

       From where they were Beth couldn’t see any signs to indicate what the building was, but it was a chance. Daryl was already next to Rick, accessing the situation like everyone else.

       “What do ya think?” Rick asked.

       “Hard ta tell from here,” Daryl replied, still staring at the building like if he looked at it long enough it would reveal something to him.

       Rosita stepped forward, “It’s our only shot. We haven’t seen anything else for miles.”

       Rick took a second to let that sink in, “Alright.”

       The group descended into the trees on their left. If anyone was in the building, they wouldn’t see them coming from the road. As the trees started to thin coming closer to the field, Beth realized it was a school. From where it was situated, it seemed to be some sort of trade school or nontraditional school. They were coming up from behind, so she still couldn’t read the sign.

       Rick held his hand up just before the end of the tree line. He waved Sasha forward, signaling her to scope out the building. Sasha’s gun came up to her shoulder like it was second nature and she scanned from floor to roof with her scope. A minute goes by before she nodded, giving them the clear.

       Keeping low, Rick emerged into the open, heading for a side door. Daryl, Abraham, and Michonne flanked Rick while the rest of them covered. Beth scanned the area towards the front of the building, her bow ready and notched. Tara was at her back, gun at the ready.

       Surprisingly, the door was unlocked. Beth’s stomach hollowed out. Something about that didn’t sit right with her. She glanced to Rick and Daryl who looked to be having the same thought process, but they had no choice. Rick filed in first followed by everyone else. Just as Beth was passing the threshold, she thought she caught a glimpse of some graffiti near the front of the school.

       She could have sworn the phrase started with: Wolves.

       There was that word again, wolves. It nagged at Beth. That was the second time she had seen it. Once an accident, twice a coincidence, but Beth didn’t believe in coincidences. She wasn’t going to take that chance, not when the last time she felt this way she ended up having to kill someone.

       As the door shut behind them, it took her eyes a minute to adjust. The building didn’t have many windows, making visibility hard. Beth made her way to Rick, keeping her eyes peeled for any movement. She lightly grabbed his forearm, pulling him towards her. Rick leaned down without hesitation, giving her his attention.

       She pressed her lips close to his ear, not wanting even the smallest amount of sound to travel down the empty hallway, “I think there’re people here.”

       He nodded, not even questioning her. Rick turned to the group pointing two fingers towards his eyes and then gesturing around. It seemed everyone subconsciously tightened their holds on their weapons. Beth included. She slung her bow back over her shoulder and donned her two knives instead.

       The group fanned out down the hallway, looking for a cafeteria or any sort of anything. Beth knew she was weak from the lack of sustenance, but the adrenaline coursing through her masked all that. She was tuned in to every little sound. She stuck close to Daryl, letting him lead.

       The group silently made their way through the building, clearing rooms along the way. So far, no signs of life. Dead or alive. The school was eerily frozen in time. Nothing was disturbed. When there was a rare window to cast some light into the hallway, Beth could see their footsteps creating swirling clouds of dust.

       A sharp whistle broke the silence. Beth turned her head down a hallway to the right to see Carol gesturing her head towards a pair of double doors. The group crept towards her and as they got closer, Beth saw the doors led to a cafeteria. Rick glanced through the narrow windows into the wide room. He turned back to the group and pointed right and then left. Break into two groups.

       The door creaked open. Beth followed Daryl and Rick to the right, while Abraham led another group to the left. They fanned out clearing the wide space. There was a wall of windows on the opposite side of the room, casting afternoon sunlight across the floor. Beth scanned the room until her eyes landed on some boxes stacked in the right back corner of the room. They stood behind the cafeteria serving stations and she could only guess they were full of unopened food. But why were they out in the open like that?

       Just as the thought crossed her mind, a loud clicking noise echoed through the room. Beth spun towards the doors they had just come through. In the narrow window, she saw a woman with a hood thrown over her head and a bloody ‘W’ carved into her forehead. She had locked the doors behind them.

       Glenn ran to the doors trying to open them, but it was too late. They were trapped. Beth franticly looked around for any other exits. She clocked some on the left wall, but before she could signal anyone, people started flooding through them.

       They all looked like the woman who locked the door, wild, feral looks in their eyes with W’s carved in their foreheads. Beth knew immediately there would be no reasoning with these people. They would have to fight. About a dozen men and women circled them, herding them into the center of the room. None of them had guns, which was a relief, but they were still being surrounded. Beth looked behind her to see Mika holding Judith, Carl stood in front of them with his gun out. The group circled around them to protect them. They were the front lines.

       A man stepped forward to Beth’s left, “We’ll free you. You’re trapped. People don’t belong here anymore. We want everything you have, then you’ll be freed.”

       Rick responded, his eyes darting around to all the people, “If ya want somethin’ from us, you’re gonna have to come an’ take it.”

       As if his words were a gun starting a race, the wolves descended. Multiple gun shots rang out before the wolves were on top of them, but they seemed to keep coming. A woman who was about the same size as Beth ran at her with a machete. Beth had no time to think, so she ducked as the woman swung her machete at her neck. Beth slid one of her knives across her thighs. A high-pitched scream tore through her throat as she hunched over.

       Using her crouching stance as an advantage, Beth sprung forward putting all her momentum into the woman’s legs. The wolf lost her balance and fell to her back, knocking the wind out of her. The wolf half-heartedly swung her machete at Beth’s side. It caught her in the arm and a searing pain flew through her body, but Beth used the slight moment of opportunity to plunge her knife into the wolf’s neck. It sunk into her skin. She wanked her knife back and watched as the blood gushed from the wound. The woman gaped like a fish out of water. Blood falling from her the corner of her lips, but Beth didn’t have time to watch the light leave her eyes. She quickly glanced down at her arm to access the damage. From what she could tell it was pretty shallow.

       Beth turned and saw the room in absolute chaos. A couple of the wolves were dead, but some of them had fled the way they had come, probably realizing they couldn’t win this fight. However, the few who were left seemed to be their best fighters. Her eyes landed on Daryl who was trying to fend off a very large bald man and a lithe woman. It felt like everything started to move in slow motion as Beth saw the man pull another knife from his boot. The woman circled around to get behind Daryl, her sickle glinting in the afternoon light.

       Beth was too far away to be able to get to her in time, so she only had one option. She had one shot at this. If she missed, Daryl would be dead. With her heartbeat pounding in her ears, rage and fear coursing through her veins, Beth grabbed her knife by the blade and threw it hard.

       All of Daryl’s training slammed into her in one instance. Line your wrist up over your elbow. Aim with your elbow not your hand. Keep your wrist loose. Throw it hard, but not ‘nough to lose accuracy. Keep your eyes on the target, not the knife. She watched the blade fly through the air, as his voice played in her head.

       Her knife hit with a thud, burying in the wolf’s chest, stopping her mid swing. The woman fell to the ground between Daryl and Rick, who was busy hacking up another wolf. Daryl drove his boot into the man’s right kneecap, crippling him. Then, he drove his shoulder into the man’s stomach tackling him to the ground.

       Beth was secure in the fact that Daryl could finish him, so she checked around. Her family was bloody and bruised, but most everyone seemed intact. Even Father Gabriel, who looked the picture of a horror movie. He was covered in blood, his machete swinging at his side. He looked slightly crazed and Beth wondered if something in him at broken far more than she ever realized.

       Tyreese was grunting as he sent his hammer into the skull of one of the wolf’s heads. He looked the same as he did the night he killed the man from Terminus. All inhibitions gone, only survival and rage at the world for being the way it was.

       Beth’s eyes drifted to Rick, who had blood all over the lower half of his mouth. Looking from him to the body that laid at his feet, she put the pieces together. Rick’s weapons were strewn across the floor, probably from losing them in the midst of the fight. There were no options left, so Rick had ripped the man’s throat out with his teeth.

       She finally looked back to Daryl and what she saw dazed her. Daryl’s knife was in the man’s stomach. As he whispered something to the wolf she couldn’t hear, he carved the knife upward. Opening him from navel to sternum.

       Beth wasn’t dazed because of what he did, far from it in fact. Something very dark within her sung at the sight. Her eyes must have been wide with shock at the what she was feeling, because when Daryl turned to look for her, he saw her face and bowed his head, turning his back. She wanted to go to him, tell him he never had to be ashamed, but it would have to wait.

       When the chaos finally settled and Beth tore her eyes away from the mangled body at Daryl’s feet, she glanced around the room at her family. There was a range of emotions on everyone’s faces. Rage, despair, exhaustion, disbelief. She halted her scan at the middle of the room. Mika was kneeling between two bodies, clutching her gun in one hand. Her other hand clutching a wailing Judith. Mika’s eyes were wide and vacant, tears falling down her face as she stared at one of the bodies. As Beth got closer, she saw what had happened.

       Bob was dead. And Mika had killed the wolf responsible.

       A broken sob tore through the room as Sasha ran to him. She placed her hands on the open wound in his stomach, like she was trying to put him back together. But he was already gone. Bob died protecting Mika and Judith.

       Tyreese went to Sasha’s side as she kept saying over and over again, “We can’t let him turn. We can’t let him turn.”

       Beth’s knees gave out, as she felt her spark of hope die with Bob. All the world did was take and take until there was nothing left to give. Bob had died to save Judith and Mika. He carried so much hope for everyone, when it was too difficult to carry themselves. As tears pooled in her eyes, she remembered what he told her just a few days ago. Beth was carrying Judith against her chest.

       “Just look at her, and tell me the world isn’t gonna change.”

Notes:

Whew, that was a rough one. I apologize. Since the chapter was so long, I'm going to try to keep the my thoughts and explanations concise.

Daryl and Beth's conversation at the being is slightly reminiscent of Rick and Michonne conversation in 7x12. Beth very much fears losing people, especially anyone from the core group. Beth can't even fathom the type of pain she would feel losing Daryl. A lot of her actions reflect that fear, as well as her nightmares. Beth feels like she's losing herself, like she's becoming a monster. So, it'll be interesting to see how that plays out later, especially after the events later in the chapter.

The Wolves are back. The school is a trap and a sort of hideout for the wolves. Our group was just very unlucky that they stumbled upon this building first. Encountering the wolves before Alexandria will definitely change the group and the dynamics. So will losing Bob at this point in time.

RIP Bob. I loved his character. He was such a ray of sunshine in the show. I tried to give him more time in this story, but unfortunately he was going to die one way or the other. Bob died a hero, protecting the kids that would be the future.

Last note: I do apologize for the misunderstanding trope at the end between Daryl and Beth! The Misunderstanding Trope is one of my least favorite tropes of all time and I try to avoid it at all costs. This is a small one and I promise it won't last long or throw an insane wrench into their relationship. Daryl isn't always going to understand every look that crosses Beth's face. He just killed someone pretty brutally and turned to see her staring at him with shock on her face, so I don't blame him. Just trust me! I promise it will pay off.

Anyways, as always, love you guys! Thank you for the support! See you next Sunday.

Chapter 11: Here. Alive. Away

Notes:

Hello lovelies! After last chapter, I have a bit of a fluff filled chapter for you. I hope you all enjoy :)

As always, my thoughts and explanations for the chapter will be in the end notes. I hope to see you guys in the comments! Happy Sunday!

       It always surprised her how dark blood was. She watched a pool of it spread on the floor in front of her. It moved slowly, like it was calculating the best path to take and, in a way, it was soothing to watch. The coppery smell had become so commonplace. She wouldn’t be surprised if she started missing the smell one day. It reached out towards her, an alluring sight hypnotizing her into complacency.

       Beth couldn’t move. Everything felt impossible. Asking her to look away from where her eyes were fixed was like asking her to gnaw her own arm off. If she moved, if she kept on going, it meant what happened was real. Bob was dead, Sasha lost her person, Mika killed someone. Rick ripped out someone’s throat, Daryl gutted someone, Glenn killed someone to protect Maggie. Gabriel had lost it protecting people he barely knew yet; Eugene took a knife to the thigh. Tyreese was lost in his anger; Rosita was permanently scarred across her cheek and eye. Beth killed two people.

       Was this all that was left for them?

       The tears on Beth’s cheeks had dried. Her legs were numb and she could vaguely feel blood trickling out of the wound in her arm every once in a while. Everything felt wrong. She could hear Maggie’s soft sniffles being muffled by Glenn’s shoulder. She could hear Mika crying. Every now and then she heard Rosita curse low under her breath, her voice croaky.

       The only thing that brought her back was the renewed sounds of Judith wailing. Beth clawed her way through the black hole she found herself in and followed the sound. The nothingness threatened to pull her back, wanting her to stay forever, but she kept clawing. Until eventually, she resurfaced at the front of her mind, like she was breaking through the water’s surface after being under for far too long.

       Beth’s eyes snapped to Judith. She calmed after seeing Rick had already made his way over. It was a sight to behold. Rick Grimes, all filthy, bloody and tense from adrenaline, holding his daughter who was cleaner than anyone in the room. Pure and unaffected by the world around her.

       Beth slowly started to move. Pushing everything down and locking it away. It wasn’t time to feel. She needed to move. She had a job to do. Careful to avoid the pool of blood from the Wolf’s body next to her, Beth got her feet under her and stood. She moved mechanically at first. Her limbs felt heavy and her mind foggy.

       She had enough sense to drive her remaining knife into the Wolf’s skull. She tried hard not to look too closely. Abraham was already tending to Eugene and Tara was cleaning up the wound on Rosita’s face. Mika was being consoled by Carol and Carl. So, Beth gravitated towards Rick and Judith.

       She located her discarded pack on the floor and shuffled through looking for anything that could be useful. Beth grabbed her spare skirt and ripped off two pieces using her knife. Carefully, she dabbed at the wound on her arm, before wrapping it up and tying it in a loose knot. It would hold her over until she could clean it correctly. She took the second piece of ripped up shirt and approached Rick.

       He was still clearly in protect and attack mode, so Beth came up to him slowly. She wouldn’t offer to take Judith. It would be like stealing bread from a starving man. Rick needed to hold Judith in his arms right now and no one would take her from him.

       His eyes snapped to her as she took her final steps towards him. The deadly look faded into something calmer and more stable as she held up the makeshift rag in front of her. Rick went to reach for it, but Beth pulled it out of his reach. She wanted to do this for him. It was what Beth was good at, taking care of her family. She had a job to do and that was what she was going to do.

       No words were spoken as Rick sat down with Judith in his lap, holding her close to his chest. Beth followed suit and kneeled down next to him. She brought the rag up to his face and gently started wiping the blood away. He watched her as she worked. Beth guessed he was just as worried as she was by her calm, procedural nature, especially given what just happened. It was like the calm before the storm. She knew she would break eventually, but she had to keep it together for everyone right now.

       No one had said a word, except for Rosita muttering curse words under her breath and Gabriel occasionally saying a prayer in low tones. As she finished up Rick’s face, she felt a tug on her arm. Her head whipped to the right and saw Daryl crouched next to her, water bottle and a strip of clean bandages in his hand. He had a split lip and the beginnings of a black eye, but Beth couldn’t see any other injuries at first glance.

       Without looking at her directly, he undid her shoddy attempt at a dressing. Holding her arm gently in his hand, he poured some water over the wound, cleaning it. Daryl took the bandage and started wrapping it around her arm. Beth watched him, unabashedly, as he worked. The strands of hair that hung down in his face were plastered to his skin with sweat and blood. Part of his shirt was torn under his vest, revealing his chest. Luckily, it looked like whatever cut through his shirt didn’t cut him. Beth’s hand twitched at her side, wanting to reach out and touch him. His blue eyes stayed focused on the task.

       Eventually, he secured the bandage and started getting up to leave, but before he could pull away all together, Beth grabbed his hand in thanks. It was a small gesture, but she had no energy to speak. She hoped it was enough to remedy whatever guilty or shameful feelings were coursing through him. There was nothing he had to be ashamed of and she needed him to know that.

       The thing in Beth that hummed at Daryl’s brutality and embraced the violent protectiveness of her family reveled in the damage they had done to the Wolves. Maybe it was a coping mechanism and maybe it wasn’t healthy. It constantly tugged at her, whispering in her ear. She knew the feeling would disappear and the woman she killed would show up in her nightmares. Beth always tried to keep those thoughts locked away, never letting them see the light of day. But if they kept having to live like this, she wasn’t sure the type of person she would be on the other side. She hoped that if the day ever came where she could no longer hide her true colors, her family wouldn't recoil away.

       Daryl’s hand slipped out of hers as he made his way through the door the Wolves had come through. Her chest ached at the distant look in his eyes, although she was one to talk. She probably looked the same way. Rick started moving next to her. She had almost forgotten he was there. His clear blue eyes held her gaze until he leaned in and placed a kiss on the crown of her head. Beth’s eyes fell shut. In that one action, it was like he was saying, “I see ya and nothing about you is wrong.”

       He stood, with Judith still in his arms, and walked towards Michonne, who was making sure all the wolves stayed dead, her katana glistening with blood. Rick reached for her and they bowed their heads together, falling into a whispered conversation.

       Beth looked away, feeling like she was intruding on a private moment. Instead, she scanned the room. Glenn was over in the corner near the boxes Beth had spotted when they first entered the cafeteria. A calmness spread over her as she watched Glenn pull some canned food out. They would eat tonight, better than they had in a long time. Her stomach growled on cue, but she had more important things to take care of at the moment.

       She located Maggie sitting against the wall, looking out the windows as the sun dipped below the tree line. Her tear-stricken face made Beth’s heart lurch. Seeing her big sister, who was always her rock, start cracking reminded her of the first time she saw her daddy cry.

       It had been late at night and Hershel was out on the porch. Beth was still young enough where she believed her parents could do no wrong. She heard the sniffles before she saw him. Beth made sure he never saw her and she never brought it up. There were times where she convinced herself she made it up, but, from that moment on, she realized her dad was just a person too. He made mistakes, like everyone else, and he couldn’t always be strong. As Beth got older, that became more apparent.

       She looked up to her sister the same way she looked up to her parents. Maggie was always strong when Beth needed her to be, when she couldn’t be. She’d never forget the look on Maggie’s face when the bathroom door opened and Beth was holding pressure on her wrist to try and stop the bleeding. Beth regretted it immediately and the only thing she was worried about was how disappointed her sister would be, but Maggie wasn’t disappointed. She was afraid. Afraid to lose her sister after losing so much already.

       Beth owed Maggie so much. She was there for her when Beth couldn’t even be there for herself. Now, it was her turn to bear the brunt of the weight. Beth slid down to sit next to Maggie, her knee bouncing against hers. Maggie wiped at her eyes, giving Beth a small smile, like she was trying to put on a brave face.

       “It’s alright,” she whispered. Maggie just nodded, but her lower lip trembled slightly. “You don’t gotta be strong.”

       Maggie’s head bowed as she let the dam break. Her shoulders shook, but no sound came out. Beth moved in front of her sister, trying to create some privacy. Maggie looked back up, face red and blotchy, “For the longest time, when I looked at ya, I still saw that girl on the farm. Wearin’ your hair in pigtails and fightin’ with me at every turn, stubborn as hell. But, none a’ that mattered, you were my little sister. Then, I blinked. And you weren’t my little sister anymore. You were just my sister. I wasn’t just takin’ care of you anymore. You were takin’ care of me.”

       Her words struck Beth in the chest. She subconsciously stroked the scar on her wrist. There was a part of Beth that knew she had been a burden, especially before and after what happened. It hurt her to know how much extra stress she put on Maggie. She couldn’t even imagine a world without her.

       “We take care of each other. I’m sorry it took so long for me ta—”

        “No. You were always there. More than ya know.”

       Beth clung to her sister, feeling closer to her than she ever had, “Ya know what Daryl told me once?”

       “Hm?”

       “He said, ‘you Greene sisters would tear this shithole world apart ‘fore ya let it drag ya down.’ He was right.”

       “I knew I liked him,” Maggie said through a watery chuckle.

       Beth smiled and let the moment hang between them. They held on to each other like it was their last day on Earth. 

 

 

       Once everything had settled, all the bodies were disposed of, and all the weapons were collected, they moved out of the cafeteria and into the teacher’s lounge. It was situated in the middle of the school. The room was small, but no one cared. Privacy was a long-lost privilege and if Beth was honest, she would rather be as close as possible to her family than have privacy anyway.

       Mika and Judith had calmed down considerably after moving away from the cafeteria. Rick was still holding Judith close, but Beth noticed Mika was shutting down. After she had stopped crying, she got really quiet and Beth knew she was trapping herself in her mind. If anyone understood the pain she was going through, this group did. It was never a good place to be.

       So, Beth did her best to coax Mika into helping her distribute dinner. The group had carried some of the boxes over to the teacher’s lounge. When they were going through them more thoroughly, they realized all the food and supplies used to belong to other people. Interspersed among the supplies were different backpacks in varying stages of utility. Some had names stitched into them, some had straps that were ripped, and some were in complete tatters. With the number of boxes of supplies and backpacks, Beth had to guess the Wolves had been using this school as a trap for a long time.

       The small amount of responsibility Beth placed on Mika’s shoulders helped pull her out of her spiraling state. She was still quiet, but there was no longer a thousand-yard stare in her eyes. Beth would take that as a win. They all had jobs to do.

       Glenn had found a jar of applesauce for Judith. It settled her heart knowing Judith would get to eat a full meal tonight. As she looked around the room, Beth realized Daryl still hadn’t come back. She guessed he was still blowing off steam, but worry still crept its way back up her spine. Beth saw that Tara and Rosita were on watch outside the door, so she brought them their food separately, closing the door behind her.

       “Thank you,” Tara said, as she handed them each a can of food.

       Beth nodded and turned to Rosita examining the bandage on her face, “Think it’ll need stitches?”

       “Maybe, but that’s a problem for tomorrow,” Rosita responded.

       “My dad was a vet. Became our doctor when all this happened,” Beth gestured around her, “He taught me how. Abraham and Bob are probably bet—”

       Beth paused, realizing what she had said. Her throat seemed to close up on her as the pain of losing Bob came over her in a new wave.

       Rosita picked up the conversation when Beth couldn’t, redirecting as best she could, “You’re probably a lot gentler than Abraham. I may take ya up on that offer.”

       Beth smiled at Rosita, but it felt wrong, like it didn’t belong on her face. Tara jumped in, “A face scar like that is badass. People would think twice about messin’ with you.”

       “Damn straight,” Rosita said, nudging Tara with her shoulder, “How’s that arm?”

       Beth glanced down at her arm, forgetting the wound was even there, “Fine, just a small slice. Lucky she didn’t get me in the side.”

       The image of the woman bleeding out under her flashed in Beth’s mind. It replayed in her head over and over again. Then, the images changed. Beth stood helplessly as her mind trapped her into watching the Wolf’s sickle sink into Daryl’s back. He had been so close to death in that moment. All the fear came back and it made her antsy to find him, so she could see him for herself. Alive and well.

       “Sorry, have ya’ll seen Daryl?” Beth asked, hoping they could give her a vague idea about where he might be.

       Rosita and Tara glanced at each other, before Tara answered, “He came by to check on everyone, but he went that way mutterin’ about needing a smoke or something.” Tara pointed towards the left where there was a door that led outside to the back of the school.

       “Thanks.” Beth started to walk that way, but Rosita stopped her.

       “Hey, just a heads up, he seemed wound pretty tight after what happened,” she warned.

       She nodded. There was worry behind Rosita’s eyes, not for Beth’s safety around him, but for Daryl himself. It struck Beth how much this group cared about each other. Rosita hadn’t been with them long, but she was already family. Beth appreciated the heads up and she started down the hallway.

 

       It didn’t take long to find him. She followed the familiar smell of burning tobacco. Daryl was sitting on the concrete, back against the wall, smoking a cigarette from a pack he seemed to have scavenged from inside. The orange butt of the cigarette lit up his face. Rosita was right. He looked tense. It was in the way he held his shoulders and how he couldn’t sit completely still.

       “Hey,” she said, as way of announcing her presence. She sat next to him, unbothered by the smoke.

       Daryl took a long drag of his cigarette before answering. He discarded it under his boot, extinguishing it. He glanced down at her, until his eyes landed on her belt where her two knives hung, “Was a good throw.”

       Her stomach fluttered at his approval, but it was smothered by how close he had been to dying right in front of her, “Learned from the best.”

       “Nah, that was all you,” his words came out rough, but they were sincere and complimentary.

       Beth’s eyes started to sting. He’s here. He’s alive. Nothing happened. Put it away. Beth repeated those words in her head over and over again like a mantra. All her emotions welled up inside of her, pushing against her lips to be let free, “Ya don’t know how scared I was. I coulda missed. Coulda been too late.”

       Daryl turned to stare at her, his eyes piercing through her very core, “Ain’t worth thinkin’ ‘bout shit that coulda happened.”

       Beth let her head fall back towards the sky, taking in a deep breath and letting it out through mouth. He’s here. He’s alive. Nothing happened. Put it away. The stars were out tonight, twinkling at her, reminding her how small she was in comparison to everything beyond. Her gaze came back down to meet his, “I know.”

       “Hm,” Daryl turned away, looking down at his discarded cigarette.

       Beth recognized his avoidance tactic, “Don’t ‘hm’. What is it?”

       “Nothin’.”

       “It’s not.”

       Beth searched his face. He was chewing on the inside of his cheek, but when he finally stopped staring at the ground, he looked at her like he was willing her to understand. And then it all made sense. All his words were in his eyes. He had been scared too. He cared about her and wanted her to know. A breathy, “Oh,” fell from her lips, as the corner of her lips curled up in a grin.

       The urge to feel him against her overwhelmed her. His hands. His body. Anything. Everything. She wanted to be closer to him. So, she slowly closed the distance between them, watching his body language. When he didn’t tense up or move away, she reached up and gently pulled him to her. Beth rested her head against his. Not closing the distance any more than that, but it was enough to satisfy the urge to touch him.

       They shared the same space, breathing the same air. It electrified her. His chest rose and fell quickly, matching hers. Daryl started moving his hands up her forearms to her elbows, comforting her but not pushing to go any further. Her lips tingled at the proximity.

       All the fear, the sadness, and the pain disappeared. And in its place was him. His musky scent, his gravely voice, his rough hands, his strong arms, his words, his heart. She wanted it all, always.

       This was where she felt safest. Where she felt most at home.

 

~

 

       Daryl woke to the door of the teacher’s lounge closing. His hand automatically reached for the knife in his belt, but looking around he saw Rick was unbothered. Daryl got up grabbing a can of whatever. He stabbed his knife into it, opening it up, as he approached Rick.

       He nodded at him. As he looked around the room, he saw some of the group still sleeping. His eyes darted around looking for her blond hair.

       “Carol and Sasha found a well out back during a perimeter check,” Rick said, interjecting his train of thought, “Beth and Rosita went to check it out.”

       Daryl just nodded, not wanting to admit how easily Rick read him, “Little Asskicker keepin’ ya busy.”

       “Yeah. She’s callin’ the shots,” Rick said, looking down at his daughter who was asleep in a desk drawer next to him.

       “Damn straight,” Daryl grunted, as he scarfed down his food.

       Everyone who was still asleep started to stir by the time he was done with his food. It was a quiet morning and Daryl was grateful for that. Last night came flooding back to him. Images of Beth smiling flashed through his mind. It stirred something inside of him, but then the look he saw on her face after he gutted that piece of shit yesterday dosed all those feelings. She’d been shocked at what he was capable of, but she still came to find him after. What was he supposed to believe?

       He could still feel the blood on his hands and arms. It lingered, reminding him of every life he had taken. When he looked at Beth, he forgot, for a moment, all the things that haunted him. All the blood that was on his hands. She was too good.

       As his thoughts continued to ping pong through his head, the door opened and Beth stepped in. Her eyes found his immediately. She was tense, her hand hovering near her knife. Alarm bells went off in his head and he grabbed his crossbow. Not even a second later, a man that Daryl didn’t recognize walked through the door behind her.

       Daryl lined up the stranger in his crosshairs the minute he stepped into the room. Fear gripped him, seeing Beth standing next to a stranger. He was clean, not a speck of dirt on him. Must be coming from a larger community. So, there has to be more of them out there. Daryl wanted to grab Beth, but instead he growled out, “Hands up, asshole.”

       “He says he has a community not far from here. He wanted to talk with Rick,” Beth said, a hint of hope in her voice.

       Doubt exploded in him. He was lying. This was a trap. The man opened his mouth to speak. All eyes on him. Everyone’s weapons raised to strike.

       “Hi, I’m Aaron. Beth’s right. I come from a community north of here. My community… We need people who are strong. Who have lived out here. I know you have no reason to trust me, but I think I might know someone you would.”

       Aaron was making eye contact with Rick, keeping his hands up and posture open. It wouldn’t be enough. Rick strode towards Aaron, pace picking up as he got closer, and swung his right fist into his jaw. The hit was clean and hard, knocking him out. Daryl lowered his crossbow slightly, but footsteps sounding outside in the hallway had him raising it again.

       He got to Beth’s side before another man Daryl didn’t recognize, stepped through the door followed by Rosita, who was holding him at gun point. This had to be the person Aaron was referring to.

       The man’s eyes widened as they landed on Rick, who was still standing over an unconscious Aaron. He spoke, surprise evident in his voice, “Rick?”

       Rick looked at the man, recognition dawning on his face. His head tilted to the side as he said, “Morgan?”

Notes:

This was a little bit of a fluff filled chapter for you, minus the twist at the end. There's a lot of inner monologue and some interesting interactions.

We get another glimpse of "Dark Beth", which is highly conflicting to her overall personality and we see a little bit of that turmoil in this chapter. I think there is a small part of Beth that appreciates the brutality in people like Rick and Daryl. She sees it as something that keeps them alive, but that also conflicts with a lot of her morals.

The Beth and Rick scene was interesting. I'm definitely curious to see what you guys think about that one.

I had to write a Maggie and Beth scene here. Maggie was always trying to be strong for everyone around her and I think having this sister moment between them to acknowledge that was super important.

The "Oh" scene was a pain in the ass to write, let me tell you lmao! I had to have rewritten that scene a million times. I debated whether to have Beth confess her feelings out loud there, but I have something else planned for that ;) It's still a pivotal scene regardless. Daryl is still battling with understanding the dichotomy between Beth's actions and her reactions. At this point, he has seen her react with shock (and what he is interpreting as fear) to his violence against others. As the reader, you guys know what Beth's thoughts are in those moments, but he doesn't. So, the way she acts afterwards and how she reacts in those moments are confusing to him. He's basically like, "So, you disapprove of my brutality, but you also don't seem to care? Which is it?"

Finally, the twist ending. Aaron's here! And so it Morgan. All will be explained soon enough. So, timeline wise we haven't made it to Virginia as quickly as in the show. Traveling with both Mika, Judith, a one-legged Gabriel, and a few extra people, in general, has slowed the group down. Not to mention, they spent more time at the church than they did in the show.

Anyways, I hope you all are doing well! Let me know what you think in the comments. See you next Sunday!

Chapter 12: Hope

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Another Sunday, another upload. Thank you all for the immense love this story has gotten. I've had such an amazing time writing it and talking with you guys in the comments. I hope you guys enjoy!

As always, my thoughts and explanations for the chapter will be in the end notes <3

“I give you the mausoleum

of all hope and desire …

I give it to you

not that you may remember time,

but that you might forget it for a moment

and not spend all of your breath

trying to conquer it.”

                                                                                                                                           ~ William Faulkner

 

       Beth didn’t trust Aaron. She trusted he wouldn’t do anything stupid while he was alone and surrounded. He sold his community like a cars salesman and even though she was suspicious, who was she to make a decision like that for the group. Who was she to make a judgement and possibly pass up on an opportunity where they could all live? Beth had been wrong about Terminus. Her gut lied to her, so what if her gut was lying to her now? What if Aaron was a good person and his community was safe? She wasn’t sure she would be able to live with herself if she had made that choice for everyone.

       Now, as she looked between Rick and the stranger he called, Morgan, Beth knew her gut had been wrong again. It was clear this was someone Rick had once trusted, respected even. If Morgan had been travelling with Aaron, then, maybe, they could trust him.

       Rick broke the silence, “What’re ya doin’ here, Morgan?”

       “Funny thing…” Morgan pulled out a map from his pocket and handed it to Rick, “I was lookin’ for ya. Thought Washington was a good a place as any to start.”

       Morgan kneeled down next to Aaron as he started to stir into a conscious state. Rick looked between the two men. Beth could see the wheels turning in his mind, wondering what the best course of action was.

       “Ya know him?” Rick asked.

       Morgan helped Aaron into a sitting position, “Few days. Came across each other during a bad situation.”

       Aaron spit out some blood on the ground, “Hell of a right hook there, Rick.”

       The exchange between the men was strange. Beth watched Rick’s posture. He was on edge and his eyes darted between Morgan and Aaron. His hand was resting on his belt near his gun. Beth realized that even though Rick knew Morgan, he wasn’t sure if he could trust him. She still wasn’t sure if that was because something happened between them at one time or because their experience with the Wolves was fresh in everyone’s minds.

       Aaron started to recover and stand, gesturing behind him, “Rosita, could you hand Rick my pack? In the front pocket, there’s an envelope. I know I could never convince you to come back to our community without some sort of proof. That’s why I brought those.”

       Rick pulled out what looked like a stack of pictures and shuffled through them. Not a single expression passed his face. He held them up to Morgan, “He show ya these too?”

       “Got the whole welcome wagon too.”

       “You been there? Seen it?” Rick pushed.

       Morgan shook his head, “But I’m gonna find out.”

       Aaron hesitantly walked further into the room, raising his hands up in front of him, “You all will be safe. Nothing gets through those walls without our say so. Dead or alive. Security is critical. In fact, the only thing more critical in our community than security are the people. People are the most important resource in the world. Together we’re stronger and you can make us even stronger.”

       Michonne was hovering by Rick’s left shoulder, supporting him without needing to speak. If things weren’t so up in the air right now, she would have admired the way they fit together perfectly.

       “How many more’a you are out there?” Rick still asked.

       “Its just me. I was with someone else a while back, but he got hurt. I decided it would be better to continue on my own.”

       Morgan nodded in confirmation, “He’s tellin’ the truth.”

       But Rick wasn’t done, “How do ya know we wouldn’t kill you all the minute we got to your community?” The inflection in Rick’s voice was dangerous. This was the question that would make or break this for them all.

       “You’re not going to like what I have to say, but it seems like honesty is better than lying…I’ve been listening to you. Only long enough to know if you were good people or not. Morgan can attest to that. I lost you for a bit, but then I heard Beth and Rosita at the well out back. You asked me how I know you wouldn’t kill me? When the world was still the world, I worked for an NGO. Our mission was to deliver medicine and food to the Niger River Delta. Bad people pointed guns in my face every other week. You aren’t bad people and you’re not going to kill us. And we’re definitely not going to kill you.”

       Morgan shifted on his feet, “I didn’t know it was you. Wasn’t sure. Not until now.”

       Rick finally pulled his gaze away from Aaron and looked around the room. His eyes lingered on Carl and Judith, before finally looking to Michonne. She gave him a nearly imperceptible nod. He watched Michonne, scanning her face before turned back.

       “Follow me. There’s somethin’ ya need to see first.”

       Both men walked out of the room. It was clear Rick wanted to do this alone, but alarm bells went off in her head at letting him go by himself with a stranger. Beth didn’t care if someone Rick once knew, trusted Aaron. Beth may have seen some truth in the things he was saying, but that didn’t mean she wanted one of her family members left alone with him. As these thoughts rocketed through her head, she felt Daryl come up behind her. His body heat radiated off of him, comforting her. Rick’s boots thumping down the hall until the door to the outside opened and closed behind them. Beth sucked in a breath, steadying herself against the man at her back.

       She relaxed into him. All the stress about making the wrong choice left her body. Beth was half convinced she should have killed Aaron on the spot, but something had stopped her. Maybe it was an old piece of herself, wishing for any ounce of hope in this world. Maybe it was just desperation. Or, maybe, the idea of passing up an opportunity where Judith, Carl, and Mika could grow up safely was even more dangerous than the possibility of being led into a trap.

       Daryl was steadily supporting her, keeping her grounded. She had yet to look at him since she brought Aaron into the room. A part of her was afraid that she would see disappointment on his face. Her stomach was in knots still until she felt Daryl’s hand slide up her arm and turn her around to face him. And there wasn’t disappointment clear on his face.

       “I had ta. If there was even a chance. I didn’t wanna be the one makin’ that decision,” Beth said.

       “I get it.”

       Beth looked over at Judith, Carl, and Mika, “They deserve us takin’ the risk.”

 

 

       Rick herded Aaron through the door, keeping him in his line of sight at all times. He made sure to stay positioned behind him. His hand resting on his machete. Aaron was tentative, as he should be. Rick decided he wasn’t going to kill him, but he still hadn’t decided whether to take his family to this so called “community”. He saw the cracks forming in the group and another betrayal like Terminus would fracture them.

       They were all tired. He was tired. If he was being honest, tired didn’t even begin to cover it. Does he risk his family for the small possibility of a little security? Does he just end it all now and send Aaron and Morgan on their way? He didn’t trust Aaron and he didn’t know Morgan anymore, not after the state he found him in the last time they saw each other.

       Rick walked Aaron around the front of the school to the parking lot. In the middle of the lot was a pile of burnt bodies. They were still smoking. The stale, humid air holding the scent of burnt flesh with a death grip. Rick felt nothing, but ire. The Wolves made their bed and now they had to lie in it. Bob was dead because of them. It seemed that the only thing that fueled him these days was anger and survival. There wasn’t room for anything else.

       As they approached, Aaron covered his nose and mouth with his hand. Rick stopped in front of them, situating himself on the other side of the pile, “Last night, we ran into an ambush. You can see how that ended for them.”

       Aaron held eye contact with him, “If you’re trying to scare me into changing my mind, I won’t. They threatened you. Your family. No one would fault you for anything that happened after.”

       Rick cocked his head to the side, watching Aaron’s every move, “I need ya to understand. All the people I’ve killed…They’re dead, so my family, all those people in there, can be alive. So, I can be alive for them. There’s nothin’ I wouldn’t do. Nothin’,” Rick growled low in his throat. “If at any point I think you’re lyin’, I’ll put a knife in the base of your skull.”

       Aaron’s eyes widen slightly, but he made no move to back away from him, “Understood.”

 

~

 

       Beth was sick at looking at unmarked graves. She never wanted to get used to looking at them, but a part of her knew if she let herself feel it, it would destroy her. If she let it all in, there would be nothing left of her to give. Beth wouldn’t let herself become a burden. Not again. Her dad, her mom, Shawn, Patricia, Otis, Lori, T-Dog, Andrea, Bob. It was a list she knew would get longer. How could anyone be ready for that?

       Beth had visited Bob’s grave one last time before they all left with Aaron and Morgan. She had collected some wildflowers that grew near the forest’s edge and laid them on his grave. A stick and a fresh pile of dirt marked where they lay him to rest. She placed the flowers on the dirt, knowing in her heart that this was more for herself than it was for Bob. Graves were just as much for the living as they were the dead. Wherever he was, she wanted him to know that she felt the loss. He left a hole in their family that wouldn’t ever be filled. And above all else, she wanted him to know that she would never forget him.

       Sasha had come up beside her as Beth was about to rejoin the group. She stared down at the yellow wildflowers, eyes wide, not in surprise, but in contemplation.

       “He would’ve liked them,” Sasha spoke up, her voice rough with emotion.

       “They reminded me of him.” It was clear that Sasha wanted some alone time before they left, so Beth excused herself.

       Maybe if the place Aaron called home was real, she wouldn’t have to see another unmarked grave. She wasn’t naïve enough to believe she wouldn’t lose anyone else, but maybe, they would have enough security to be able to bury their dead properly.

 

 

       They travelled on foot to the RV Aaron left behind to track them. They’d only been walking for an hour when they came up on a group of walkers. Michonne, Sasha, and Morgan dispatched them without breaking a sweat. Beth watched as Morgan took out two walkers within seconds. He was quick and accurate. There wasn’t a single step or swipe of his staff that wasn’t calculated. Where Daryl and Rick were fierce and deadly, Morgan was calm and removed.

       Beth’s thoughts brought her back to Daryl. Every bit a warrior in his own way. He was forged by pain and suffering long before this world went to hell. And he was made anew in its ashes. She remembered their conversation at the shack. The moonlight was illuminating the right side of his face. The left side still hidden in the shadows cast by the porch. Beth remembered thinking he looked beautiful. The perfect split between dark and light. He said he was a nobody before all this, but now he was a king in every way that mattered. His crown made from the blood of anyone that stood in their way.

       Maybe Beth was being dramatic, but she didn’t care. She was in so deep with him that even a ladder couldn’t get her out. It was the end of the world, so she let herself indulge. Why hold herself back? Happiness was such a rare thing in this world, so what was stopping her from just reaching out and grabbing it? Beth wasn’t sure anymore.

       “No!”

       Beth snapped out of her head and turned towards the sound. Mika was nearly in tears in front of Carol. She was shaking her head back and forth, repeatedly saying ‘no’.

       “Mika, you have to take it,” Carol urged. Bob’s gun was in her hand. It was the same gun Mika used to kill the Wolf. At this point, the group had halted, the escalating exchanged snagging everyone’s attention.

       “I can’t. I can’t.”

       “Yes, you can. You have to.”

       “You told me I had to toughen up. That I had to defend myself and our friends. I killed a person and Bob still died. Those bad people killed Bob. They just killed him. I wasn’t fast enough and they killed him—”

       “Mika—"

       “No, I’m never touching a gun again.”

       In all the chaos of the last few days, Beth had forgotten that Mika had killed for the first time. That was a traumatizing experience even as an adult. Mika was a child. Beth still saw the face of the man who was her first kill in her nightmares. Often times, he would come whisper in her ear, breath hot on her neck, suffocating her. Then, she would see the bullet wound in his cheek. His blood dripped down his face as he described all the brutal ways he would kill her family in front of her.

       The group was taking a break, as Carol tried to settle Mika down. Beth had an idea, but she wasn’t sure it was going to work. Daryl had encouraged Beth to carry a gun along with her knives and bow. They had enough weapons to go around, so Beth took it, even though she much preferred her other weapons. If nothing else, it quelled Daryl’s worry.

       Beth took the handgun from her belt and walked over to Mika. She glanced at Carol to make sure it was okay for her to intervene. Carol took a step back and nodded.

       Beth knelt down in front of Mika, carefully using her sleeve to wipe away the tears still streaming down her face, “I never liked guns much either, but I carry’em because it makes the people I care about feel better.”

       “How?” Mika sniffled, “They’re dangerous.”

       “Yes, they are. Never forget that, but the people I love know that if I have a gun, I can protect myself better. They want me to be safe. And we love you and want ya to be safe,” Beth reasoned, calmly. Beth held out her gun to Mika, hoping that if it wasn’t the gun she used to kill the Wolf, it would persuade her to take it.

       Mika’s red-rimmed eyes glanced between Beth and Carol and off somewhere behind her, but she reached out and grabbed the handle of the gun. Beth tried to give her an encouraging smile, but the fact that she was trying to convince an eight-year-old to take a gun wasn’t lost on her.

       She turned the gun over in her hands, before she looked back up at Beth, “Daryl gave you this?”

       Beth nodded, “Ya, he did.” Then a question Beth was not prepared for, came flying out of Mika’s mouth, giving her whiplash at the change in subject.

       “So, you love Daryl.” Mika’s eyes were huge like she figured out the answer to the universe, a smile forming on her lips.

       Beth’s head whipped around to see if anyone else heard. Most of the group had walked ahead a bit to give them privacy, but from the little smirk on Carol’s face, Beth knew she heard. She reran the conversation in her head, wondering how Mika came to that conclusion. But the people I love know that if I have a gun, I can protect myself better.

       She wasn’t going to lie, especially not to Mika, “I do.”

       Mika giggled, the previous upset passing. She pulled Beth’s close, so she could whisper in her ear, “Your secret is safe with me.”

       Beth smiled at the girl. It grew on her face until she was laughing too, “I trust ya. Thank you.”

       She stood walking towards Carol, who still had a grin plastered on her face. Carol passed her the gun she had been trying to give to Mika, “Thank you.”

       Mika ran ahead towards Carl. Beth hung back to walk with Carol, “Ya don’t need to thank me for that…She reminds me a little’a me. You remember how stubborn I was ‘bout everythin’ at the start.”

       “That’s how I know she’s gonna be okay. I used to think she was too sweet for this world. She reminded me so much of Sofia. She didn’t have time to change. But you did. You’re stronger. Tougher. It’s how I know she’ll be okay.”

       Beth always looked up to Carol. She watched her soldier through her grief and come out on the other side. She had almost taken her own life because of the sheer amount of pain that came with grieving. Carol survived it and became stronger. She kept going when everything tried to tear her down. So, it meant a lot to Beth hearing that from Carol. She felt validated, “We’ll make sure she will.”

       Nothing else needed to be said, as they both rejoined the group. Daryl following her with his eyes as she approached him.

       “Everythin’ alright?”

       “Ya, she’s gonna be okay,” Beth replied, wholeheartedly believing it.

       Before they continued on, Beth took Judith from Rick, wanting to give him a break. As Daryl was helping her strap Judith to her back, Beth felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. She looked into the woods around her, scanning the trees for any signs of movement or disturbance.

       Daryl clocked her expression and followed her line of sight, slowly removing his crossbow from his back, “Whadda ya see?”

       She shook her head still scanning the woods, “Nothin’…I just. I gotta a feelin’. It’s nothin’.”

       Judith rested her cheek against her back, the extra heat of her body warming up her back. She hiked her up a little higher and then tied the straps. Daryl stared off into the woods a little longer before they started following Aaron again.

       “Gotta trust your gut,” he reassured.

       “Been lyin’ to me lately.”

       “Nah, ya knew those assholes were in the building the minute we stepped inside.”

       Beth didn’t respond. She came so close to letting her knife fly into Aaron’s chest. Her gut told her not to trust him and it still did. For all of them, Beth prayed she was wrong. They needed this. Daryl didn’t mention it, but Beth knew he was still just as uneasy as her. He kept the crossbow in his hands as they continued to walk.

 

 

       Silence crept under Rick’s skin with a vengeance. The gates to Alexandria stood fifteen feet tall, looming over them all. The door stared back at Rick, mocking him as if to say, “Just choose, there’s no way to know.” He clambered out of the RV, holding his hand up behind him to stop everyone from joining him just in case this was an ambush. He had to make a choice.

       What was his life worth if not the safety of his family? Will this be their salvation or their damnation? Rick strained his ears, listening for anything to give him an answer. This was the moment. Was this another Woodbury? Another Terminus?

       Then, he heard it. It was faint, but clear as day. Children laughing. It rang out through the silence hitting him full force, pulling the breath from his lungs. He turned to look back at his family, Michonne was stood behind him. The most breathtaking smile on her face.

       This was it: Hope.

Notes:

I have a question for you all. What is your favorite episode/moment from The Walking Dead??

Mine is 5x11 "The Distance" (basically this chapter's equivalent). My favorite scene in the entire show is in that episode. After they pulled up at the gates of Alexandria for the first time, there's an extreme close up shot of Rick's eyes as he's trying to decide whether to bring his family in or not. It is such an emotional scene and makes me tear up every time. Him hearing the children laughing and the absolute relief and surprise in his eyes gets me every time. Andrew Lincoln is such an amazing actor. I'd love to hear about your favorites too!

We are almost at Alexandria! Originally, I was going to add in their introduction to Alexandria into this chapter, but I had too many other things to cover, so we'll get there next chapter. But I had to start this chapter with the William Faulkner quote that Dale says in the first season.

This is a dialogue heavy chapter and a lot of Rick's POV. Beth is having a bit of an inner crisis with feeling like she can't trust her gut anymore. And the thing is, her gut isn't wrong. It's just the trauma of everything they've been through is making her skeptical of everything. But, she is having a hard time distinguishing between what is a trauma response (trying to keep her alive) and her actual observations.

In this AU, Rick believes Aaron a little quicker because Morgan has already been with him for a few days. So, all of this moves a little smoother and quicker. But don't get it confused, Rick doesn't trust Aaron yet. And he has to relearn how to trust Morgan.

The cute scene between Mika and Beth was so fun to write. Mika is still a kid and all those big feelings she's having to deal with after killing someone are too big for her body. I think Beth sees herself in Mika, so she has immediately taken a liking to her. And Mika blatantly pointing out that Beth loves Daryl was hilarious to me when I wrote it. Kids will just blurt out the most blunt random things lol!

The moment between Carol and Beth was also really heartwarming. Carol rarely takes about Sofia, but I felt that this moment it was needed.

Finally, my favorite scene in the entire show was at the end. Getting to write it was such an experience. It was such a beautiful heart-wrenching scene in the show and I wanted to do it justice by also keeping it short and sweet. I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. I'll see you next Sunday in Alexandria!

Chapter 13: Alexandria

Notes:

Hello lovelies! It's Sunday and we are finally in Alexandria! I hope you all enjoy.

As usual, all my thoughts and explanations for the chapter will be in the end notes. All the love <3

       “Hello. I’m Deanna Monroe. Do you mind if I film our talk?” A woman said as she walked into the living room. Beth immediately noticed her stature. She was short and thin, but she commanded the room with confidence and grace.

       Beth shook her head. She was positioned by the window, keeping one eye on her family outside. Anytime they were out of her sight, she felt panic rising in her gut. As Deanna settled herself on the coach opposite of Beth, she gestured to the chair across from her, “Would you like to sit?”

       As much as Beth would like to rest her legs, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to get up again if she did. Peeling her eyes away from her people was a whole challenge within itself. She had to calm the panic and tell herself they would be there when she was done. They weren’t going to disappear. Lies. This place is a lie. It’s a trap. They’ll be gone the minute your guard is down. She took a deep breath in and moved to the chair, putting all her focus on observing Deanna. They’re gonna be gone. What has months on the road taught you?

       Deanna smiled at her and Beth was surprised that it seemed genuine. Warm, even. Her eyes darted between Beth and the window, putting something together, “Did you know anyone in your group before?”

       “Just my sister. Maggie,” she replied, truthfully. Beth didn’t see a point in lying. At least not yet.

       “But all those people out there, you consider them family.” It wasn’t a question. It was an observation and a damn good one based off what little Beth has said.

       “Yes,” Beth answered. Deanna watched her as she spoke, but it didn’t feel calculating or manipulative. In fact, it felt like admiration and curiosity.

       “That’s a beautiful thing. It sounds like I’d want to be a part of your family.”

       She never realized what their group must look like from the outside. Every single person was different. Different backgrounds, jobs, ages, education. It never crossed her mind how beautiful it really was. None of them knew each other before and now she was bonded to those people for life. There were times where she had taken that for granted. Never again.

       Beth took a deep breath in, readying herself for what she was about to say. As much as she was afraid to trust anyone, something about Deanna made her want to try. So, she spoke the truth, “I barely hung on, in the beginning, hoping the world would go back to the way it was. Thinkin’ we’d all be saved. But…no one’s comin’. This is it. We’re all gonna die and we can’t let any’a this be for nothin’. I fight so I can stay with them. That’s all that matters anymore.”

       Deanna picked her next words carefully, “I’ve talked to a few of the others. I can’t even imagine the pain you all have gone through to get here, but I am glad you are here. We need people like you. People that have lived out there.”

       “What’s out there, it’ll change you,” Beth responded, letting the words fall out of her mouth without any interference. They needed to know.

       Deanna leaned forward, “Did it change you?”

       “Yes,” Beth whispered, rubbing the scar on the inside of her wrist.

       She nodded, a sad smile on her face, “From where I’m sitting, it seems like it was for the better. You changed so you could survive.”

           

 

       Alexandria. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. Everything was too perfect. White painted houses and manicured front lawns were spread throughout the community. People without ten layers of dirt plastered to their skin were walking around without a care in the world. They weren’t carrying weapons of any sort. No one had missing limbs or blood-stained hair. Nobody was gaunt with starvation. Beth wondered if any of them had ever even seen a walker before. If any of their lives had been threatened. If they had known what it was like to be starving or freezing or ready to keel over from heat exhaustion. If any of them had begged and pleaded for the life of someone they loved.

       This place wasn’t real. It couldn’t be.

       “We’re going to need all your weapons,” someone spoke up. Beth instinctively gripped her knife, turning to face the person that spoke. He was a shorter man with curly hair and a gun strapped to his back. He looked unsure of himself, but Beth knew one thing for sure. He didn’t like them. There was a look of disgust on his face.

       “We’re not sure if we wanna stay,” Rick responded, looking deadly as ever even with Judith in his arms.

       “It’s alright, Nicholas,” Aaron intervened and waved them further into Alexandria.

       Beth turned to see Daryl next to her, observing his surroundings like a cornered animal. Anyone with eyes could see, he felt trapped. Beth couldn’t blame him. As the doors to the community slammed shut and locked behind them, she felt trapped too.

 

 

       “I believe that what we did before matters a great deal. Everyone has a useful skill or experience,” Deanna explained, “You were still young before all this happened?”

       “You wanna know what role I play in the group,” Beth stated, cutting through the polite small talk.

       “Yes.”

       “I grew up on a farm. I used ta take care of our horses and for awhile I kept a vegetable garden. When everything happened…My daddy, he was a vet. Became our doctor and he taught me as much as he could,” she took a deep breath in, “When Judith’s mother died, I started takin’ care’a her. That felt right.”

       “You take care of your people. You grew food for them, you take care of the wounded and the young. And I’m sure you’re a fierce fighter. What I’m worried about is do you take care of yourself the way you take care of them?”

       Beth didn’t respond. It sounded like something her mother used to say. When Beth was younger, her mom caught her staying up all hours of the night nursing a calf that was rejected by its mother. She had been sneaking out of her room at night to sleep in the barn with the calf, waking up every couple of hours to feed it. One morning, she had slept past sunrise and was caught sneaking back into the house.

       Her mother was in the kitchen, cooking breakfast, “Bethie, is that you?”

       “Yes, mama,” Beth hung her head and walked into the kitchen, her shoulders sagging with exhaustion.

       “What’re ya doin’ outside at this hour?”

        "The new calf… She needed to be fed.”

       “Hm…So, while you’re lookin’ after her, who’s lookin’ after you?”

 

       “Do you want to be here, Beth?” Deanna asked.

       Never in a million years did she think she would hesitate, but she did. They didn’t know these people or this community. It wasn’t theirs like the prison or the farm. They were walking into somebody else’s home. They were the ones that made the rules, but the thing was it didn’t seem like the people of Alexandria knew that this world had no rules anymore. They didn’t realize that the people beyond their walls wouldn’t play by any sort of rulebook. Alexandria was a bubble that would burst.

       Then, Beth thought about the kids. Carl, Mika, Judith. They deserved to grow up in a place like this. Not on the road, constantly looking over their shoulder, wondering who they were going to lose next.

       So, after a pause, Beth answered, “Yes. They deserve a home.”

       She countered, quick as a whip, “And you don’t?”

       Beth wasn’t so sure anymore.

       Deanna continued after Beth didn’t answer again, “Rick said that we should keep our gates closed. Do you agree?”

       Goosebumps broke out on her arms thinking of someone like the Governor or the people from Terminus finding this place. These people wouldn’t survive. They didn’t know. Even if Beth wanted to spend the time drudging up every traumatic thing that happened to their group, they still wouldn’t understand. She could scream at them that things weren’t the same until she was blue in the face, but they had never been out there like her family had. This place was a sanctuary, but for how long? Deanna and the others may have built this place, but they still didn’t understand that the old world was dead. So, Beth was honest.

       “Whatever your worst nightmare is, there’s always worse out there.”

       They needed to know.

 

 

       Morgan went in first. Aaron was adamant that he talked to Deanna before the others. Rick followed, then Michonne. Glenn with Maggie not long after. Then, it was Daryl’s turn. He stalked through the door like he was ready to clear a building on a run. Beth waited through them all. New panic rising in her chest every time someone entered the house. It subsided when they all returned safely, but she wasn’t sure that fear would ever go away. Beth, instead, focused on her breathing and analyzing the surrounding area.

       Not many people walked past, but enough for her to notice all the staring. She felt their eyes on the back of her neck. Some just looked curious, others looked excited, surprisingly, but some just looked disgusted. Their noses would wrinkle and they would give them a disapproving look like they were marring their precious community by just being there. For the most part, Aaron blocked everyone from approaching them. Beth still wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t want them being bothered yet or because he was protecting his own people.

       When Daryl entered the house, Beth held onto Maggie’s hand the whole time. An overwhelming sense of dread filled her, thinking of all the what ifs and the worse case scenarios. Beth realized being separated from Daryl brought out the worst in her. So, she just held onto Maggie as her thoughts spiraled into oblivion. What if she hadn’t intervened with the Claimers? What if she hadn’t heard the footsteps on the roof of the train car? What if Carol hadn’t gotten to Terminus in time? What if they never saved Gabriel? What if she hadn’t killed the woman in the convenience store? What if she missed? What if she was too late?

       About fifteen minutes later, Daryl reappeared in the doorway.

       He found her immediately, walking towards her. Beth hadn’t realized how long his hair had gotten. It grew almost to his shoulders and hung over his eyes. His arms had grown more defined the more time they spent out on the road. His chest was broader too, but she could only tell when she had her arms around him. He made her breath hitch, even though she was by his side almost every day.

       In a place like this, Daryl stood out like a sore thumb. They all did now, but him especially. All Beth could think was that, once upon a time, she would have thought a place like this was beautiful. Now, all she saw was danger. A long time ago, a man like Daryl would’ve frightened her. Now, all she saw was home.

       Beth draws herself back to the present, “How’d it go?”

       Daryl’s eyes narrowed as he scanned the street in front of Deanna’s house, “Like the damn twilight zone in here.”

       Before Beth could reply, Aaron approached her, “Beth, would you like to go next?”

       She nodded and stood, giving an encouraging smile to Daryl and Maggie. As Aaron walked her through the door, a questioned formulated in her mind, “How’re ya’ll decidin’ the order?”

       Aaron replied, nonchalantly, “I informed Deanna that speaking to Rick and Morgan first would be the best course of action, but after that I’m not sure. You should ask her while you’re in there.” Beth nodded and walked past him towards the room ahead, before his voice stopped her again, “Oh, and Beth…”

       “Yeah?”

       “Thanks for not killing me,” Aaron said with a smirk.

       A smile bloomed on Beth’s face. She was starting to like him.

 

 

       “Will you have Aaron send Carl in next?”

       Beth nodded, before her curiosity got the best of her, “Why Carl? You’re not pickin’ us at random, so what is it?”

       “You mean, how do I pick who’s next?”

       She nodded.

       “In a sense, you all decide the order,” Deanna stood and turned off the camera, “A couple minutes into conversation with Rick and I knew the bond this group had was something special. It’s clear to me, now, that Aaron was right. He saw something in you, as I do now. No matter what you have done, you all make decisions based on the good of the group. None of you turned on each other, not even when you were at your lowest. You love each other so fiercely and completely. But my only question is: Will you let us in?”

       Without interviewing everyone, Deanna saw the truth of their family. How they would die for each other, but also kill for each other. How they would ruin themselves to make each other whole. Something about Deanna warmed Beth’s heart. She couldn’t remember a time, since the world fell, where her opinion on someone shifted so rapidly within a short amount of time. When Beth walked in here, she was convinced she was about to face another Governor, but she was wrong. Regardless of how she felt about Deanna, she couldn’t promise that they would let the Alexandrians into their hearts. From the brief glimpse she got of the people, they weren’t ready to face the world outside the walls.

       Beth finally replied, “It’s not up ta me. Your people are safe now, but it won’t stay like that. When that time comes are ya gonna fight or are ya gonna let it happen?”

       Deanna smiled, “I brought your group in, didn’t I?”

       A grin spread across Beth’s face as she got up from her chair, “Alright, then.”

       “It was nice meeting you, Beth. I hope we’ll get to know each other better soon,” Deanna said, ushering her towards the door.

       Beth made it into the hallway, before she turned back around, “Ya said we decide the order. Ya never answered how?”

       The older woman grinned, posture impeccable and chin held high, “I said your group had a special bond. As much a family as if you were all blood related, maybe even more so. It’s easy to see, but when you listen hard and pay close attention, you can also see the pairings among you. I simply talked to the most obvious ones first.”

       As Beth walked out the front door, she thought of the order again. Morgan went first, because he was a lone wolf. Rick and Michonne went one after the other, an obvious pairing of leadership. Glenn and Maggie came after. They were married and it was easy to see they complimented each other. More often than not they were glued to each other’s side. Then, Daryl and Beth had gone in. Beth’s heart skipped a beat, when she realized. Deanna had recognized something in them. She saw an obvious pairing. Beth knew Deanna was intelligent, especially with people, but Daryl was hard to read even at the best of times. So, she wondered what Deanna truly saw that allowed her to make that observation.

           

~

 

       Beth wept. Her entire body was wracked with so many emotions, she had trouble standing up straight. Noises she didn’t even recognize poured from her mouth, barely being covered up by the sounds of the shower. She watched an endless stream of blood, dirt, and clumps of her hair wash down the drain. Her skin was red and raw from how hard she had scrubbed it and still the water splashed away from her body red. The scar on her wrist stood out stark white against the red.

       Beth sobbed. She couldn’t contain the sounds or the way her body contorted to get any relief from the pain. Eventually, no more tears would come. That’s when the dry heaving started. All she could do was hold on until it passed. She liked to image she was releasing all her pain and watching it flow down the drain like the rest of the filth. Why was she here? Why did she make it when the rest of them didn’t? Why did she deserve to have this? To be here?

       The corners of her vision started to close in on her. Everything started to fade. Then, Beth gasped, humid air entering her lungs. She hadn’t been breathing. Her lungs expanded and she watched her chest rise and fall. Beth scrambled for the shower handle and threw the door open, stumbling from the confined space that housed her grief. She leaned against the counter trying to catch her breath, but the air was thick and heavy. Every breath she took felt grueling and arduous, like she was trying to breath through a straw.

       The mirror in front of her was fogged. As she wiped it away with the side of her hand, Beth choked back a sob. The person staring back at her was a shell of a human being. She was gaunt and pale. Bruises and scars marred her body; ribs clearly visible. Every mark on her body told a story of how she survived. Physically, she was okay, but within the span of a month Beth had lost all the muscle and strength she had gained from years of working on a farm and working around the prison. The thing that terrified Beth the most was the disconnection. Her body didn’t feel like her own. The skin she inhabited was someone else’s.

       “Ya alright in there, Bethie?”

       Beth jolted away from the counter. Maggie’s voice pierced through the bathroom from outside the door. Beth grabbed a towel and started drying herself off, as she answered, “Be out in a second.”

       Her voice came out hoarse even to her own ears, but there was no fixing that. However, it must have been somewhat convincing because she heard Maggie’s footsteps fade away down the hall. Beth quickly slipped on the new clothes she was given, a nice pair of black jeans that weren’t too tight and a simple blue long-sleeved shirt that had thumb holes in the sleeves. She left her hair down, but made sure not to forget her hair tie. She was in a house full of her family, but she wanted to be ready to run. Lastly, she put her boots back on and her belt. As she exited the bathroom, she tucked her two knives back into their rightful places: at her hips.

       As she walked towards the stairs, Beth let the silence fill her head, allowing her body and face to morph into the person her family needed.

 

 

       Nighttime came swiftly and with it her nightmares followed. Beth jerked awake, her eyes darting around trying to find any familiarity. Her breathing slowed after she remembered where she was. Rick was on watch by the window that gave a full view of the street in front of the house. Beth was sure someone else was on watch out back too.

       Moonlight carved a path through the middle of the room. She let her eyes drift around the space, naming everyone one of her family members in her head as she saw them. Once she was sure everyone was present except Sasha, who she guessed was the one taking watch out back, Beth tip toed through all the sleeping forms towards Rick.

       He turned towards her, his eyes peeling away from the world outside. Beth noticed the difference in Rick’s demeanor earlier, but now it was clear as if someone was shining a spotlight on it. He was still on edge, but there was an air of sureness to it that wasn’t there before.

       “Ya alright?” he asked, whispering softly to her.

       Beth nodded. She couldn’t count how many times someone had asked her that today. She knew it only came from a good place, but it was getting harder and harder to answer. To lie. “Are you alright?”

       Rick sighed, “For now.” It was a vague and temporary answer, like everything in this world. A little whine to her left broke the silence. Beth turned to see Judith squirming briefly before sleep overtook her again. Carl was asleep, basically curled around the basket she was currently in. Every bit of the image reminded her of Shawn. Beth waited for the grief to hit her like a truck, but it never did. There was a hole there, but she was still able to smile at the scene in front of her.

       Rick broke the silence, still staring at Carl and Judith, “I never thanked you for steppin’ up for Judith when I…couldn’t. That responsibility shouldn’t ‘a fallen to you.”

       Beth was taken aback at how hurt he looked at his professed “failure”, “Don’t. That’s what family does for each other.”

       “Nah, you did more than that,” he said, shifting on his feet.

       Beth heart ached for Rick. He lost his wife and he was apologizing for the way he fell apart. Beth felt the need to reassure Rick that Lori would always be Judith’s mother. She never wanted him to think she wanted to replace her, “I love her… But ya know I would never wanna—”

       “I know,” Rick intervened, gently “Ya don’t gotta explain. Not to me. Not to anyone.”

       A moment of comfortable silence passed between them. Some of the weight on Beth’s shoulders lifted, a lingering sense of relief in its place. She didn’t need to be Judith’s mother. The “village” would raise her. She was everyone’s joy and everyone’s responsibility. Her lingering guilt of taking Lori’s role dissipated with Rick’s words. Beth would always mourn Lori, but maybe she no longer had to feel guilty about loving Judith like she was her own.

       Nothing more needed to be said. With a light graze of her hand on his arm, Beth turned and walked towards the one person she looked for first when she woke up in a panic. Daryl was stretched out on his side, his back against the wall. He was laying on top of a fitted sheet they had gotten off a bed upstairs.

       Beth lowered herself next to him as quietly as possible, but she should have known better. She watched his eyes blink open, immediately locking her into place. He didn’t seem surprised to see her, but when did Daryl ever looked surprised about anything? Beth was frozen as he watched her. Uncertainty started to creep into her psyche, when he raised his arm up, welcoming her in.

       Before she could overthink it, Beth moved forward into his arms. She curled up into him, wanting to be fully enveloped. His arm came down gently on the indent in her waist, his hand resting on her back. She kept her arms close to her chest, but let her head fall forward into him. The steadiness of the rise and fall of his chest lulled her into a deep, dreamless sleep.

       It didn’t dawn on Beth until the next morning how easily he read exactly what she needed, but not only that. Daryl had deliberately stepped outside of his comfort zone to give her what she needed. What she craved. It wasn’t just a simple gesture. It was everything.

Notes:

Deanna is here! Woo!! So, I absolutely adore Deanna and I was so excited to write her in this chapter. I hope I did her justice. Having Beth and Deanna interact was a dream come true.

Some explanations for the interview between them: So, Beth has spent all her time for the past couple months surrounded by people that know her really well. Her family can read her very well, so she can jump like ten steps ahead in her head before she speaks and the group will understand perfectly fine. The reason the interview with Deanna and Beth is somewhat, for lack of a better word, choppy is because Beth is doing that unknowingly. But Deanna is smart enough to pick up what she's trying to say. The group hasn't socialized with anyone outside themselves for awhile, so talking with someone else is going to be slightly strained at first.

Deanna picking up on the pairings within the group was something I added. I always wondered what order she interviewed them in the show, so I added my own little spin to that. Deanna is an extremely intelligent person, especially about people, it made sense to me that she would pick up on that. Will we figure out what Deanna saw in Daryl and Beth? Who knows? :)

Beth is still struggling hardcore. The fact that they are relatively "safe" just makes the pain all that more apparent.

The ending was such a bittersweet scene to write. Everything from the Rick and Beth scene to the sweet moment between Daryl and Beth. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed! Let me know what you think. See you next Sunday!

Chapter 14: What We Leave Behind

Notes:

Hello Lovelies! I am so excited for you all to read these next 3 chapters. Please forgive any glaring grammar errors. I wrote and edited this chapter pretty quickly, so I could get out to you guys today rather than tomorrow.

Anyways, as always, all my explanations and thoughts will be in the end notes. All the love <3

       Beth woke up slowly. The thudding of boots reverberated through her spine. A persistent ache in her hip made its way into her subconscious. She turned over, hoping to relieve it somehow. Her back brushed up against something warm and solid. It pulled her tighter against it, the warmth encompassing her whole body. Beth let herself melt into it, vaguely aware of the thudding sound. She molded herself to the warmth like a moth to a flame.

       She never wanted to move again. The lull she found herself in felt too good to ever move away from. It was serene and calming. Beth instinctively let her arm fall across her stomach, but she found something unexpected instead. Another hand was already splayed across it. She traced the hand with her fingertips. The haziness of sleep left her each passing second as she began to recognize whose hand was steadily holding her. As he unconsciously pulled her tighter to him, Beth was finally awake enough to zero in on every point of her body that made contact with Daryl’s.

       He wasn’t awake. The rise and fall of his chest against her back told her as much. Beth peeled her eyes open. The thudding she heard was Glenn, Tara, and Rosita getting up for an early morning run with some of the Alexandrians. The group had settled in over the past couple days, being assigned jobs and getting to know the community.

       Beth felt content as she watched them pack up. Part of her happy they had been given a purpose within the community. Another part of her was terrified. She knew all three of them were as capable as they came, but Beth would never get used to being split up. How Maggie was so calm about being separated from Glenn was beyond her. She watched as Glenn placed a kiss on Maggie’s forehead and left out the door with the others.

       Abraham was on watch, even when the others started to stir. Beth dreaded the moment when Daryl started waking up. This was the first time she had woken up before him. Usually, he had already untangled himself from her. He would pull away from her once he realized. Still unsure of himself no matter how many times Beth reassured him she was right where she wanted to be. She held onto the hand that was wrapped around her, trying to savor the moment instead of ruining it.

       As Beth had guessed, Daryl started to stir behind her, no more than a couple minutes later. She closed her eyes, hoping to feign like she was sleeping. His hand flexed against her stomach, pulling her even tighter to him until she felt him freeze. Beth tried to keep her breathing even, hoping that if she didn’t move too much he wouldn’t pull away. She felt him sit up behind her. His hand was the last thing that left her body, leaving her feeling cold. Beth tried her best not to sigh in disappointment.

       Before she could pretend to start waking up, she felt him draw closer to her again, “I know ya ain’t sleepin’, girl,” his voice was low and rough. It sent shivers through her whole body. Goosebumps rose on her arms and she couldn’t help the grin that spread on her face. She opened her eyes, turning onto her back to look up at him.

       “I was restin’. There’s a difference.”

       “Mhm,” he grumbled, “Lyin’ don’t suit ya.”

       Beth laughed. He was right. She had never been a good liar. “Fine. You win. How’d ya know anyway?” Beth asked.

       “Your breathin’ for one,” Daryl then pointed at her arm draped across her stomach, “An’ that.”

       Beth looked down at where he pointed and realized she must have pushed up her sleeves in the night. She stared at the highly visible goosebumps on her arm. Blood rose to her cheeks instantly. He was playing with her, trying to see what made her tick. He finally figured out how much she liked him calling her ‘girl’ and he was using it to his advantage. They were walking a very thin line. Two could play at that game, “At least, I ain’t the one that squirms…Mr. Dixon.”

       Daryl stared down at her, a spark in his eyes she hadn’t seen in weeks. The shadows of memories that haunted them all took a break as they teased back and forth. He was being bolder with her, less hesitant. It made her heart soar and all she wanted to do was tell him how much she loved him. How much she wanted to feel his lips on hers.

       Before they had found Rick, Michonne, and Carl, she told herself once they weren’t just surviving anymore, she would allow her feelings to be free. None of them were sure about Alexandria yet, but this was the closest they had gotten to safety since the prison. She made a promise. Survival of her family would always come first, but this could be a place to not just survive. But to live.

       “That smart mouth ‘a yours gonna get ya in trouble.”

       A knock on the door cut off what she was about to say. Daryl immediately got to his feet, offering Beth a hand. She took it and he pulled her up next to him. Her hand went to her knife. Everyone was up by now, as Abraham opened the door. The tension in the room dissipated as Deanna walked in. She wasn’t a threat, at least not physically. She smiled at everyone with that knowing glint in her eye that always seemed to be there.

       “Good morning. I won’t be long. I just need to speak with Beth and Daryl. Do you mind joining me outside?”

       Beth followed Deanna out onto the porch. Daryl trailing her. She clocked Aaron standing on the porch steps. Both of them seemed to be in a good mood, so Beth wasn’t too worried, but she still felt cornered. Daryl was already tense. His eyes darted between the two of them, trying to read the situation.

       Deanna intervened, sensing the shift in atmosphere, “I apologize for the intrusion so early in the morning. As you know, I have not given jobs to either of you yet. During our talks, I saw something in the both of you. You’re caregivers for your family. In different ways, but caregivers nonetheless. Anything your group needs, you try to provide,” Deanna turned to Beth, “I would like you to be a diplomat of sorts. Work with me to help ease the transition of your group into Alexandria, but maybe more importantly, help us integrate into yours. I know what I’m asking is a lot of responsibility, but if anyone can handle it, it’s you.”

       Beth was stunned. Deanna had given some of the group jobs right away. Glenn, Tara, and Rosita were their runners. There was a heated argument between Aidan, Nicholas and the others after they came back from their first run. As Beth had guessed, the Alexandrians hadn’t had a single idea what they were doing. Nicholas had almost gotten both Aidan and Glenn killed in the process. Rosita and Tara confirmed the unfortunate events. Surprisingly, Aidan stepped down from being point on runs and advocated for Glenn to take his place. A near death experience would straighten out anyone’s priorities.

       Abraham, Sasha, and Tyreese were assigned certain roles that Beth could only describe as “defenders”. Sasha was their best shot, so she defended the wall. She took shifts with Abraham and Tyreese when they weren’t out gathering more supplies for the expansion. Rick and Michonne were the community’s constables. They were both leaders in every sense of the word and people were scared of them. Maggie was working on the expansion, specifically the farming aspect. She was working to make Alexandria more self-sustaining. It was a perfect fit. Deanna was exceptionally good at her job.

       Carol was playing the part of a wolf in sheep’s clothing. She observed and blended in, being their group’s eyes and ears. The kids were allowed to be kids for the first time in a long time. Carl and Mika would play with Jessie’s kids and some others in the community. Judith had a real crib and toys for the first time.

       Beth thought Deanna hadn’t assigned her a job yet, because she hadn’t “done” anything before the world fell. She’d been wrong. This was something she could do, while still being close to her family and Judith. “I’ll do it.”

       Deanna smiled, “Good. And Mr. Dixon, Aaron has come to me with a job for you. It is up to you whether you would like to take it or not.”

       Aaron approached Daryl, “I want you to be Alexandria’s other recruiter. You’re a tracker. You can read people better than anyone I’ve ever seen. You do know the difference between a good person and a bad person and you’ve lived out there. I know I’m asking you to risk your life, but I believe it’s worth it.”

       Beth glanced at Daryl and was pleased to see how chuffed it seemed to make him. Not that anyone could tell. Aaron treated him like a person, not someone to avoid like almost everyone else in Alexandria. And Beth liked him all the more for it.

       “And if that’s not enough, I may have something that could possibly change your mind,” Aaron added with a grin.

       Daryl was chewing on his lower lip, but he nodded, “Alright.”

       “Come on. I have something to show you,” Aaron said, walking down the street to his house. Daryl followed, briefly locking eyes with her. Beth gave him an encouraging smile, before turning back to Deanna.

       “So that’s what ya saw in us? Caregivers,” Beth asked.

       “You two share a bond. Yes, you’re both fighters, but what you share comes from the loyalty to caring for everyone else before yourselves.”

       For the second time that day, Beth was stunned. Deanna had known them for a few days at most, yet she seemed to not just see them, but understand. All she could say was, “Thank you.”

 

 

       Beth decided to bring Judith on a walk. It was a good day for it. She meandered up the street aimlessly, watching all the people work on their lawns or enjoy the sun. A part of her bristled. While they were in here perfecting their lawns, they had been out there fighting for their lives. How was that fair?

       One of the neighbors, with a name she couldn’t remember, approached her quicker than Beth could walk away, “Well will you look at that. Such a precious little girl. Must have been so hard for you two out there.”

       Something inside Beth started to bend, “Yes, but we managed just fine.”

       “Oh, of course, you’re here. You can get some space away from the others now,” she babbled.

       There was an insinuation behind her tone that made Beth want to scream. The way she said others made it sound like her family was a disease that needed to be isolated from everyone else. The woman reached out to touch Judith’s head, but she pulled away. As illogical as it was, she didn’t want this woman touching her. She knew she was harmless, but her anger was steadily mounting and she needed to get out of here.

       “I have ta go,” Beth threw over her shoulder as she hastily walked away.

       Her anger grew and grew. The woman’s words playing in her head over and over again. Who were they to judge? To make assumptions? To sit on top of their high horses dealing out passive aggressive comments like the world hadn’t ended? Beth’s breathing became heavier as she seethed. How were they allowed to live, but Hershel wasn’t? Her mama? Her brother? Otis? Patricia? Bob? Lori?

       Where was the justice in that. The people of Alexandria sat behind their pretty walls and pretended nothing had changed. They stuck their noses up at them for who they had become to survive. Beth roamed being consumed by her thoughts, enraged by the situation. Until she heard a low humming coming from an open garage. Beth approached and walked inside.

        Rows of chairs were set up facing the back corner. Gabriel stood with a Bible in his hand, muttering to himself. The space was small, but cozy. Nothing like his church in Georgia, but it was better than nothing. Candles were set up all around.

       “Hello Father,” Beth said, making her presence known. Judith cooed against her shoulder turning her head to see who Beth was addressing.

       Gabriel looked up from his book, a smile forming on his face, “Hello Beth. To what do I owe this pleasure.”

       Beth sat in one of the chairs, placing Judith on her lap, “Lookin’ for some guidance, if ya don’t mind.”

       “Of course. You’ll be my first congregant,” Gabriel replied, limping towards a chair across from her, “What’s on your mind?”

       Beth took in a deep breath, “I’ve been angry. So angry and…The minute we got here I’ve been angry. I’m not sure I even knew it until now. These people don’t understand how good they got it. They’ve been behind these walls from the beginning. And I’m so angry at ‘em for it. I know it doesn’t make sense, but…I can’t let it go. They walk around like the world hasn’t ended, like everything’s normal. Cookin’ food for dinner parties and requestin’ useless shit when the next group goes out on a run. And they look at us like we’re the crazy ones. An’ I don’t wanna be this person. So full’a resentment and hate, but I can’t let it go. Why did they get to have it easy? Why are we all tormented by nightmares when they get ta rest easy? Is it just luck?”

       Gabriel was silent for a few moments after Beth stopped talking. Frustrated tears sliding down her face. Through her blurry vision, Beth saw Gabriel stretch out his hands towards her. It was an offer of comfort. She put her hands in his when he started to speak, “I have done many things that should warrant the same feelings you are having towards these people. I have done far worse.” Gabriel sat up straighter, like he was preparing himself, “When all of this started, I holed up in my church seeking security. My flock came to me searching for safety and reassurance…I let them down and now they are all dead…because of me.”

       Beth squeezed his hands. The pain in his eyes was enough to let her know that there wasn’t a day that went by where he hadn’t thought about it.

       “God punished me for my sins. He took my leg and I thought he would take my life too. I would have deserved it, but God sent me you all instead. He offered me a second chance. To make up for everything that I had done. You all gave me a second chance even when I didn’t deserve it.”

       Beth wiped at her eyes as the tears kept coming, “You did deserve it. Without you, Mika and Judith would be dead. You’ve made up for it.”

       He smiled, “You still walk alongside me and call me family, even in spite of all the things I’ve done. Am I right?”

       She nodded without hesitation.

       “How are they any different than I am?” Gabriel asked.

       Beth thought about it, but couldn’t find an answer. The Alexandrians weren’t her family. They were weak, but so was she at one point. So was Gabriel. And then it clicked.

       Gabe continued, “It wasn’t their choice to wind up here from the beginning. It’s okay to be angry, Beth. But, is your angry truly about them?”

       “No,” she croaked, letting her true feelings sink in, “I’m scared.” Gabriel moved to take Judith from her lap. “This place…its rare. It has ta be. Was it just luck that we found it? That this place is still standin’.”

       “You have to decide what type of person you want to be. Are you someone that believes people just get lucky? Or is there a reason for it all?”

       Beth wasn’t sure what she believed anymore, but she did know one thing, “We can’t go back to the way we were out there. We can’t lose this place, but I don’t know if they’re gonna fight for it.”

       Gabe smiled gently, “Maybe, that’s why we’re here.”

 

 

       Beth watched as the sun sipped lower in the sky over the walls of Alexandria. It was a cool afternoon. A light breeze kicked up that carried the crisp, earthy scent of Fall. She sang to Judith softly under her breath as she walked back to the house. A new sense of hope filled her after she talked with Gabriel. Now that she understood her own feelings, she was able to sort things out.

       There was a part of Beth that was mad at the Alexandrians for being naïve and ignorant, but her anger had been misplaced. She was scared. Terrified she didn’t deserve to be in a place like this. Petrified to lose it. Dismayed about all the people they lost that couldn’t be here. But Beth had to choose. Was luck the reason she was still standing while not all of them were? Or was there a reason for it all? Beth had to believe there was a reason.

       She was approaching the steps of the house when she heard a sound that made her blood run cold. A blood curdling scream tore through the streets of Alexandria. A bout of silence followed until more screams pierced through the air. Beth clutched Judith to her chest and started running into the house when Rick and Michonne came barreling down the street.

       “What happened?” Rick shouted at her.

       “I don’t know—” Beth started to reply when she saw the first sign of trouble sprinting towards them. A machete in one hand and a long chain in the other, “Rick!”

       They both turned in time to see the Wolf coming towards them, before he could even swing, a gunshot rang out and the Wolf fell to the ground. Michonne quickly put her blade in his head. Waves of nausea passed over Beth. The Wolves were in Alexandria and they weren’t ready. Beth knew, in that moment, they must have inadvertently led them here. How else would they have found this place?

       “Beth! Get inside. Lock the doors. Barricade, if ya have to. Do it, now!” Rick commanded, before taking off with Michonne down the street towards the sound of the screaming.

       She sprinted inside locking the doors and closing all the curtains. Judith was blubbering against her chest, sensing her distress. She hiked her higher onto her hip and continued her preparations while muttering softly to try and calm her down. Without having to look too hard, she found two glass vases. Using a pillow to muffle the sound, Beth smashed the vase on the ground in front of the door. She spread the pieces around and then did the same at the back door. Barricading would only make it look like someone was in here. This would give her a fair bit of warning.

       Now, Beth had to made a decision. Strap Judith to her back or set her down in her play pin. If she was on her, no one could grab her without a fight, but she wouldn’t be as agile or quick and that was the only advantage, she had against enemies that were larger. She needed to be at her best for Judith. Nothing could come through her. Nothing.

       So, Beth haphazardly threw Judith’s play pin into the corner of the living room and carefully placed her in it, “It’s gonna be alright Jude.” She was no longer crying, but she looked on the verge of tears. Beth placed one of her favorite toys in the pin before turning around to stand guard.

       Beth ducked low, pulled the curtain aside, and looked out the window towards the street. She didn’t see anything, but that didn’t mean much. She had a death grip on both her knives, wishing she had her bow, but she wasn’t going to move away from Judith now.

       As the minutes dragged on and the screams started to die out, Beth wondered if it was already over. Then she heard the crinkling of glass near the back door. She shot up straight. The sound stopped, but she knew someone was in the house. Beth readied herself to let one of her knives fly the minute a figure appeared in the threshold.

       A creak of the floor warned her the intruder was getting closer. She saw his boot appear first, then his leg. The minute his chest appeared Beth let her knife fly. It whirled through the air colliding with the man’s chest, but she was too high. The knife sunk into his right shoulder. He moaned out in pain, but the man was big and it barely moved him.

       He turned towards her, a vile smile on his face when he beheld her. His eyes darted between her and Judith, when he said, “Little mouse. Little mouse. You don’t belong her.”

       The Wolf charged. Beth ducked to the left, while swiping for his stomach. Her blade met skin, but he was able to recover quick enough to grab her. Beth felt her feet leave the floor as he threw her across the room. She had no time to recover when his boot connected with her stomach. Her eyes watered from the pain, but even through the wheezing of her own lungs trying to gather in air she heard Judith screaming. It was like a syringe of adrenaline straight to her heart.

       Beth rolled out of the way just in time to miss the hammer he was going to plunge in her chest. As he was bent over, she sliced for his inner thigh. Blood spurted out onto her knife and hand, but it would take too long for him to fully bleed out. The Wolf spit something at her that was drowned out by the pounding of the blood in her ears. Beth tried to get up, but he grabbed her hair and slammed her head into the floor.

        The warmth of her own blood coated her mouth and throat. Everything happened so fast. He was on top of her before she could even begin to formulate a plan. He bashed her wrist into the ground until her fingers couldn’t hold onto her remaining knife. It skittered out of her view. Beth was trapped and with no weapon. His knees dug into her forearms and he was too heavy for her to buck off.

       Beth squirmed, but it was too late. His hands closed around her throat. She tried to look at Judith one last time. All she could do was hope that she took long enough to die, so someone could reach them in time to save Judith. Eventually she could no longer feel the hands around her neck and her vision started to go black.

       Her lungs burned and she was sure this was going to be it. She wasn’t angry. Beth would die for Judith and that was all she could have hoped for in this world.

       Then the world returned. Beth surged up as the weight from her body and throat disappeared. She coughed and wheezed trying to get in as much air as possible. Her vision returned and she saw Daryl on top of the Wolf. She sobbed at the sight. The man was still bleeding out from his thigh, but Daryl took his time hacking him up anyway. His last moments would be agony.

       Daryl’s eyes were black with rage, as he spit vitriol at the Wolf. Just like the last time, Beth watched as he carved the man from navel to throat, purposely avoiding all the important organs to make his death slower.

       Judith’s screams pulled her attention. Beth stumbled for her, pulling her into her arms. She collapsed to the floor, still dizzy from being deprived of oxygen. The crunching of bone made her look back at Daryl and the Wolf. His knife sunk into the Wolf’s skull.

       Daryl was covered in blood and still lost within his bloodlust. She would have been dead right now, if he hadn’t come. She failed Judith. Devastation ripped through her body and mind, but she held it together long enough to ask, “Was he the last one?”

       Daryl’s chest heaved up and down, his eyes still not clear of the kill, but he answered, “It’s over.”

       That’s all Beth needed to hear.

Notes:

A rough chapter for Alexandria unfortunately. To those who caught the little bit of foreshadowing I dropped two chapters ago, when Beth sensed something in the woods, well this was it. I briefly mentioned that our group didn't kill all the Wolves. Some of them got away and they were able to regroup and follow them back to Alexandria.

Beth and Daryl had a cute little moment in the beginning of this chapter. Daryl is getting more comfortable with showing affection to Beth, especially with the group around.

Beth's conversation with Gabriel was so great to write and I hope you all will like it to. We get a little more insight into her and Gabriel's character. Gabriel is a lot different in this story because he lost his leg. He doesn't turn his grief and self-destruction on the group because he feels God punished him by removing his leg. That guilt is still there, but its not as all consuming and destructive.

The dynamic between the Alexandrians and the group is going to be interesting/different after this. Since the wolves attacked a lot earlier without them having learned anything from the Pete situation.

I'm going to keep this short, because I don't want to accidently spoil anything for the next couple chapters. But just know, I am SO excited for you all to read the next chapter :) Let me know your thoughts! See you next Sunday.

Chapter 15: Greater Good

Notes:

Hello lovely people! We are at chapter fifteen and it's a big one :)

I hope you guys enjoy. This was a long time coming. I'd love to hear all your thoughts in the comments! All the love <3

As usual, all my explanations will be in the end notes. See you next Sunday!

       “They don’t get to live.”

       Rick addressed everyone like the leader he was. Dried blood that looked almost black still coated his hands and hatchet. He looked haunting in the flickering firelight. Everyone was gathered around outside Deanna’s house. From what Beth could tell, most of the Alexandrians were still in shock. Deanna was barely responsive, having lost Reg and Spencer in the attack. Aidan stood, steadfastly, by her side, trying his best to keep it together, but Beth could see he was struggling too. Beth had asked Rick, after it was all over, how many they lost. All he could say was, “Too many.”

       Beth kept going over the faces of her family, each and every one of them was still standing. Some in better condition than the others, but still standing nonetheless. From Maggie’s reaction, Beth knew she looked half dead. Surprisingly, she hadn’t started to feel the pain yet. The adrenaline was still coursing through her, that plus the cold numbed her to the onslaught of pain she was sure to feel soon.

       “We gotta start livin’ in the real world.”

       Some of the Alexandrians looked horrified, some looked uneasy, and some looked angry. They reminded Beth of what the group used to be all the way back on the farm. They had been stuck in the idea of what the world used to be and eventually circumstances forced them to no longer ignore what it had become. What it truly was. It was a rude awakening, but this wouldn’t break Alexandria. They just needed to learn.

       “This is what the world is now…You fight or you die.”

       You fight or you die. That’s what it came down to. Beth glanced across the fire towards Daryl. The shadows of the flame danced across his face. He remained unmoving. No emotion crossing his face. He had watched her drag herself through hell to grab onto hope again and again. Even when it failed her. And somewhere along the way she learned how to fight. How to survive. She no longer needed to cling to hope like it would save them all. She had herself, her sister, her family, Daryl, and now this place.

       “And it starts now. You gotta decide who you’re gonna be.”

       Rick looked pointedly at all the Alexandrians, hoping to break through to them. No one said a word. Most of them glanced nervously between the two barely conscious Wolves kneeling on the ground. Abraham and Tyreese had their guns trained on them. Even though they were tied up and beaten to a pulp, Beth had a hard time looking at them. She couldn’t understand why Morgan thought keeping them alive would be a good idea. She realized they were human beings that were probably brainwashed, but was that really an excuse for what they had done?

       Morgan stepped forward, “We don’t gotta do this tonight. It doesn’t gotta be this way, not tonight.”

       Rick’s head cocked to the side as he looked at Morgan, an incredulous look on his face, “After everythin’ these people have done, you wanna…what? Lock’em up? Let’em live here with us?”

       “All I’m sayin’ is you ain’t gotta do this tonight. People can change. And I’m not sayin’ they could, but how would we know if we don’t try? And maybe they can’t, but all I know is people can change. Everythang comes back around.”

       Beth watched the faces of the others as Morgan spoke. Some seemed to be moved by his sentiment, but the majority seemed unphased. Some even looked as staggered as Rick. As Beth made a mental note of all the people that seemed to side with Morgan, she realized all of them were the ones least affected by the Wolf’s attack. Beth wasn’t sure if she should say anything. Deanna was out of commission and Beth’s job was to help close the divide between their groups, but she wasn’t sure what she could do.

       She looked to Gabriel, who had his head bowed. A machete still clutched in his hand. Gabriel had been a coward, yet he stepped up and changed. Beth believed people could change, but she also knew there were people too far gone. The Alexandrians could change, but the Wolves… They couldn’t live here, not with their people. With Judith. Gabriel’s words rang in her head, “Maybe, that’s why we’re here.” 

       Beth stepped forward, knowing full well the darkening bruise around her neck was on full display for everyone to see. Deanna gave her a job for a reason, so she was going to do it. Her voice came out hoarse, like she hadn’t used it in weeks, “I know ya’ll are scared,” Beth glanced at Gabriel, the corner of his lips turning up, and took a deep breath in, “I’m scared. Every morning I wake up wonderin’ if everyone I love will make it through the day. I’m sorry for everythin’ you lost tonight. We’ve been where you are now. Many times. It never gets easier. But…ya gotta put it away. All of it. The fear of change will kill you.”

       Beth paused, looking to Aidan and Deanna, “Morgan’s right. People can change, but are ya willing to risk your own people in order to keep your hands clean? We all have jobs ta do. Rick’s right. You have to decide who you’re gonna be.” She looked back to Rick. The pride in his eyes filled her with a newfound confidence in herself. She stood up straighter and held her ground.

       “I find it awfully coincidently that they showed up only a few days after you all got here,” Pete said, stepping out of the shadows. Beth found it odd that he didn’t have a mark on him after the attack, yet Jessie seemed to have a pretty nasty bruise developing on her cheek and jaw.

       Before Beth could retaliate, Daryl spoke up, “What’re ya tryin’ ta say?”

       Pete grinned and it made Beth’s skin crawl, “Just an observation. We were all fine until you showed up.”

       He looked at them all like vermin under his shoes. It gave Beth some sense of peace that almost all of them could kill him without breaking a sweat, but she wouldn’t do that to Jessie. She liked Jessie and so did Rick and Carl, but she often wondered how a person like her ended up with an asshole like him. Beth knew the Wolves had followed them to Alexandria, but no one needed to know that. Not right now. Not while emotions were running so high.

       “Pete, that’s enough,” Deanna interjected. Deanna finally looked up. The thousand-yard stare started disappearing from her eyes and in its place was anger.

       Beth addressed Deanna, ignoring Pete altogether, “This is your choice. These are your people.”

       Deanna glanced at everyone gathered around the firepit. Finally, it landed on Rick. The reflection of the crackling fire in her eyes made Deanna look almost reborn. Beth could see the anger she felt would fuel her to move forward and not backward. Just from that look, Beth knew what she had decided.

       Her voice was strong as she commanded, “Rick…Do it.”

       Without hesitation, Rick turned his gun on the two Wolves and pulled the trigger. Two consecutive bangs rang through Alexandria signaling a massive shift in the community. There were gasps and shouts, but Deanna was unphased as she watched the bodies collapse to the ground. It was over. The Wolves were dead and Alexandria had been born-again.

       As the blood leaked from the bullet holes in their heads, Beth felt all the adrenaline leave her body. The pain hit her full force and the events of the day slammed into her. It took everything in her not to shatter immediately. So, as reality settled over Alexandria, she slipped into the shadows and back towards the house.

 

~

 

       Beth still felt his hands around her neck. It was funny how she hadn’t really felt them as she was dying, but now it was all she could feel. It was like a sick necklace that she couldn’t rip off. Now, she was branded. She couldn’t bring herself to look at it in the mirror. She couldn’t even bring herself to run her hands over it.

       Muffled voices floated up from downstairs. Beth wanted to be down there, but she couldn’t bring herself to move from Judith’s crib. She had failed her. Every single possible scenario was playing in her head over and over again. What if she had hidden and lured him into the room before attacking? What if she listened to Rick and barricaded the doors? What if she had gone upstairs and used the stairs as a chokepoint? What if? What if? What if?

       Beth couldn’t be weak anymore. She couldn’t fail again. If Daryl hadn’t been there, she would be dead and so would Judith. Even thinking about Daryl made Beth want to sob. Deanna was right. He would ruin himself again and again for her. For their family.    He put everyone ahead of himself. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do.

       It had only been about an hour since the Wolves were executed and everyone just wanted to be together. All she cared about was that they were still standing. Her family was still here. They were the greater good and they had to keep going. She couldn’t keep feeling sorry for herself. She was still breathing and so was Judith. That had to count for something.

       Beth was stroking Judith’s cheek when she heard the door behind her open. Without even having to look, she knew who it was. He filled up every room he walked into, ever the watchful presence. She finally turned to look at him, as he took a few steps into the room.

       He avoided looking at her. He had been doing it all night and it was starting to get to Beth. She watched him reluctantly drag his eyes towards her. They scanned her and landed on her neck. She instinctively looked down at her blood caked fingernails, making sure the movement made her hair shift enough to cover it. An onslaught of insecurity started to plague her. The bruise was just another sign of her failure, but now it was painted on her skin for all to see.

       His boots started pacing the floor, immediately shifting the atmosphere in the room. Beth was surprised to see he looked distressed, angry even. Her emotions shifted to wanting to comfort him, but she couldn’t tell what was aggravating him. She wanted to support him, have his back like he always had hers. The events of the day had worn them all down to nervous wreck. Beth spoke what was on her mind, “It’s was for the best. They’ll just have to understand. We fought to be here. We’re the greater good. This place. It can be that for us. Its ugly, but we have ta keep goin’…”

       Daryl halted in his tracks, but didn’t utter a word. For the first time in a long time, Beth couldn’t read him. There was something brewing underneath his skin, but she couldn’t tell what. So, she continued, letting some of the darkest thoughts that swirled around her mind come out, “Maybe it was a good thing this happened. They’ll get it now.”

       He scoffed, “You’re tellin’ me this was a good thing?”

       His words came out borderline vindictive. It raised her temperature a notch, “We’ve been through worse. But they haven’t,” Beth gestured outside, “I don’t think any’a them would’ve understood ‘til they actually saw it for themselves. Some of them still don’t.”

       Daryl was silent for a second, but Beth could feel the mounting tension, “Trial by fire then, huh?”

       All the frustration Beth was feeling at Daryl’s sudden shift in mood evaporated. Confusion settled in its place, “They needed ta know.” Then all that tension snapped and he rounded on her. Beth hadn’t seen him that angry since the shack.

       “All this talk ‘bout how we’re the greater good. Ya know what I think? I think it’s somethin’ ya tell yourself cause the world’s so fucked up. Goin’ around preachin’ to the damn choir ‘bout how this is for the best, but you can’t even stomach it, can ya? I saw how ya looked at me when I killed that piece’a shit. Now you’re sayin’ it was all a good thing?” Daryl spit out.

       Beth shook her head, emphasizing every word, “No, Daryl—"

       “What, girl? Ya think I’m sum fuckin’ saint? Huh? We ain’t the greater good. I ain’t any different than anyone else in this shitty world,” Daryl paced in front of her, seeming like he was going to jump out of his own skin.

       Beth shook her head, feeling frustrated tears start building up in her eyes.

       “You were right. I was made for how things are now. Bein’ ugly. Doin’ the shit no one wants,” he growled.

        “Daryl…,” Beth pleaded, her voice raising to stop him from pulling away, “Listen to me! You don’t understand.”

       “What? What am I not gettin’?”

       “Whatever ya thought you saw, you got it wrong. I was never lookin’ at you because I couldn’t stomach the things you’ve done…” Beth took a deep breath in, trying to keep her frustrated tears at bay and her breathing steady. All this time Daryl had thought she was judging him for the things he had done for her, for the group. She had to make him understand. So, she told the truth, “I…I love you.”

       She breathed out, “That’s what I realized at Terminus when I watched you kill that man. That I love you. And the Wolves…it hit me how much. So, if you were seein’ shock on my face. That’s why. There wasn’t ever a moment where I was judgin’ you.”

       Daryl was silent. She could see the gears turning in his head, trying to process and understand what she just said. It was the truth. Beth meant every word of it and this could only go one of two ways now. He was going to let her in or he was going to push her away. As unshed tears pooled in her eyes, she saw him fold.

       His head bowed and his shoulder sunk. He looked up at her as he spoke, something in his eyes defeated, “Ya know what ya are, Beth? Somethin’ else to lose.”

       And there it was.

       All the venom behind his words were gone. She realized they were meant to hurt her, to push her away, but they hadn’t had the desired effect. Daryl had laid his fear out in front of her and all she wanted to do was remedy it, but she couldn’t. Not for this. He had to choose her over his fear of losing her.

       “Daryl…” Beth whispered, taking a step closer.

       He let his head fall back onto his shoulders, his voice coming out heavy with emotion, “Maybe if I was quicker…I coulda—”

       “Don’t do that. Nothin’ happened. You got there in time,” Beth almost pleaded with him.

       His eyes found hers, “I thought you were dead.”

       Everything came crashing down as his next words hit her square in the chest. Beth stopped short, only a couple steps away from him. It felt like the wind had been knocked out of her chest. She was in free fall as the weight of his words settled. The image of him standing in front of her became blurry, until her tears finally broke free. The look on Daryl’s face was the same look she saw when the Claimer had trapped her underneath him. It was the same look she saw in her nightmares. Helpless. Devastated. Broken.

       “Ya weren’t movin’…” he said, barely able to finish.

       Everything sunk, her stomach, her shoulders, her face. Her tears tracked down her cheeks and neck. His anger made sense now. He blamed himself like he always did. None of this was ever about what she thought of him. For the first time in a long time, Beth couldn’t speak. She knew if the roles were reversed, she would have been inconsolable. So, she did the only thing that felt right.

       She closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him to her. His head fell to her shoulder and after a while his arms wrapped around her waist. She held him as tightly as possible, hoping somehow it would fuse him back together.

       “We’re still here,” Beth whispered into his ear over and over again.

 

 

       Beth didn’t want to part from Daryl. She wasn’t sure how long they held onto each other before she pulled away, “I need ta clean up. Pretty sure I still have blood on my face.”

       She slid her hand into his and squeezed to give him reassurance that she’d be right back, but Daryl wouldn’t let go. Instead, he led her across the hall to the bathroom. He only let her go when he reached for a washcloth to run under the faucet. Beth kept her back to the mirror and her eyes on Daryl. She watched him. The way he moved calmed her nerves.

       He brought the wet washcloth to her face and gently swiped it across her nose and cheeks. They had only ever been this close to each other in their sleep. She watched the way his eyes darted across her face as he worked, so focused on the task at hand. She watched his lips move as he periodically bit the inside of them. She watched the way his arm flexed as he cleaned her up.

       As the washcloth dipped below her jaw going towards her neck, Beth’s hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. Flashes of her pinned underneath the Wolf spiraled into her mind. His hot breath on her face. His knees digging into her forearms. Judith’s wails in her ears as her vision went black. When her brain came back to reality, Daryl was there. He understood without her having to say a thing. He just put the washcloth back in the sink. No questions asked.

       “Come on,” he said, as he pulled her back across the hallway into an unclaimed room. Up until this point, Beth hadn’t chosen a room yet. She still slept downstairs in the living room most nights with Daryl or in Judith, Rick, and Carl’s room.  

       As they were about to enter the last room on the left side of the hall, Beth heard footsteps at the top of the stairs. She turned to see her sister and Glenn at the end of the hallway. Maggie was leaning on Glenn with a faint smile on her face. Daryl tensed up beside her, no doubt feeling like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t. But as Maggie lifted her head from Glenn’s shoulder and saw them, all she did was nod and say, “Goodnight.” Then, they disappeared into their own room.

       Daryl seemed to be frozen on the spot, so she pulled him the rest of the way into the room. Once the door was closed behind them, they fell back into their routine. Although, Beth now realized they would be sleeping on a bed and not the floor. Somehow that seemed more intimate, but she just took off her boots like she normally did. She discarded them near her side of the bed in case she needed to throw them on in a hurry. Daryl still wasn’t comfortable with taking off his shoes, so he just waited for her.

       Beth knew he wasn’t going to move until she gave him permission. As she laid down, she held out her hand and said, “Come here.” She watched as he slowly walked towards the bed and lowered himself on it. As his head hit the pillow, Beth let herself fall into him. His arm came up around her and pulled her closer. Her mind went quiet and Beth finally felt safe.

           

~

 

       The sun had barely risen as Daryl gently untangled himself from Beth. It was the last thing he wanted to do, but he couldn’t keep lying awake watching her breathing to make sure she was still alive. It would make him crazy and Beth didn’t deserve to see him like that again.

       Daryl laid awake all night wanting to be prepared if a new threat burst through the door. Beth’s words haunted him: I…I love you. He heard it in his head over and over as he tried to wipe the image of her laying motionless on the ground from his mind. He knew he let her down last night. The fear he felt in that moment would never leave him.

       He glanced back at Beth before he slipped out of the room. She was still sleeping soundly, curled up. Her blond hair fanned out behind her. The bruise around her neck had become darker, starkly standing out against her skin. He let her down in more ways than one.

       Daryl walked downstairs into the kitchen, but halted when he saw Rick. He looked up at him, a rare cup of coffee in his hand and Judith in the other. It was a bizarre sight, especially after last night. He looked at home.

       “How’s Beth?” Rick asked, concern coating his demeanor.

       Daryl nodded, “She’s alright. She’s strong. Stronger than she thinks.”

       “You alright?”

       He didn’t answer. The metallic taste of blood filled his mouth as he chewed on the inside of his lip. He slung his crossbow over his back, hoping to slip out before this conversation took a turn. He wasn’t in the mood to talk.

       Rick continued, carefully, “Heard some yellin’ last night. Just wanna make sure everything’s fine.”

       Something bristled in him and he let the words fall out of his mouth before he really thought about who he was talking to, “What? Ya think I would—”

       “No, brother. I don’t. Not for a second. I need ta know both of you are alright.”

       Daryl let his anger drain from his body, not wanting to make the same mistake he did last night. This was Rick. He knew him. Daryl wouldn’t hide from him. “I lost it. Right in front’a her. S’like I was watchin’ from the outside. Couldn’t do nothin’ ta stop it neither.”

       Rick sighed, switching Judith to his other hip, “Whatever ya said, she’ll forgive ya. Just give it sum time.”

       “Ain’t it. She ain’t even mad.”

       “Then what’s the problem?”

       Daryl looked away, unable to even say the words out loud, like those words shouldn’t even be said by someone like him. He’d wake up one day and she’d be gone, whether it was because she realized who he actually was or because something happened, but it didn’t matter. How was he ever supposed to deal with that? Her words echoed in his head: You’ll be the last man standin’. He didn’t want to be the last man standing. He didn’t want to belong to the world. He wanted to belong with her.

Notes:

We made it everyone!

Important Note: Beth has finally confessed her love to Daryl. Now, listen. Usually, in the world of TWD, I feel like saying "I love you" out loud can sometimes feel a little cheap (for lack of a better word). In TWD, they don't need to say it out loud. They just show it with their actions. And the love the characters have for each other doesn't ever need to be stated because its so CLEAR and the audience can literally feel it through the screen. However, with Beth and Daryl I think its SUPER important that Beth does say it out loud to him. He needs to hear it and so does Beth, especially in that moment. Anyways, I digress.

The opening of this chapter may be one of my favorites. I loved writing Beth's observations interspersed with Rick's speech to the Alexandrians. Fun stuff. And of course, I had to add in Deanna's iconic line that fits so well here. RIP to Reg and Spencer and all the other Alexandrians that died (even though I never liked Spencer, but at this point he wasn't an asshole yet). Alexandria is definitely on a different path now.

On to the scene that took AGES to edit. So, I actually had Beth's confession scene written down a long time ago. All the way back in chapter 5 or 6. However I fiddled with it a bunch because something about it wasn't sitting right with me. It wasn't until I added the line, "I think it’s somethin’ ya tell yourself cause the world’s so fucked up" that things started to fall into place. As the scene goes on, we realize what's actually bothering Daryl and, of course, he isn't actually mad at Beth. It's just a lot of fear being redirected as anger, but regardless we still get a peaceful resolution of sorts.

The scene at the end between Rick and Daryl was added at the last minute, after I cut out a good portion of something else. I feel like this scene was necessary to show their growing bond, but also to get a glimpse into how Daryl was feeling about everything.

Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and it was at least a little bit cathartic to read. It definitely was to write. See you all next Sunday!

Chapter 16: Fleeting Glimpse

Notes:

Happy Sunday everyone! I hope you all enjoy this chapter. We have the first chapter that's fully in Daryl's POV, so this is going to be interesting to say the least.

Additional note: My best friend gave me inspiration to write the scene between Maggie and Daryl, so shoutout to her!

As usual, all my thoughts and explanations will be in the end notes. Can't wait to see what you guys think! All the love <3

       Daryl could finally breath, as Sasha closed the gates of Alexandria behind him. The morning sun was peeking through the trees. The smell of wet decaying leaves filled the air around him. Daryl guessed it had to be late October or early November at this point. He wandered east, keeping his footsteps light and quick. Guilt gnawed at his insides the further he got from Alexandria. He needed to get away. He couldn’t think behind those walls.

       He told Rick what he was doing, but only him and now he was starting to regret it. He kept telling himself that Alexandria needed the food, but he knew why he was really out here. Her blue eyes flashed through his mind. Her words echoed in his head: I…I love you. Then her motionless body on the living room floor made his chest cave in. He kept moving, trying to force the images out of his head. He played her words in his head over and over again to drown it out. He remembered the feel of her in his arms. The way she tugged at his hand to wrap it around her tighter. The way she pressed every inch of her body into his like she wanted to become a part of him. He thought of the way her hair fell down her back, dangling just above the small of her back.

        "Come on boy! You ain’t ever had a piece’a ass that nice. What’re ya waitin’ for?”

       Daryl groaned, trying to shake the voice from his head.

       “What? If you don’t grab her, ol’ Merle’s gonna have ta do it for ya.”

       “Fuck you,” Daryl grunted.

       A mangled groan shattered the bubble of self-isolation he was falling into. Daryl’s head whipped to the source of the noise. A lone walker was ambling towards him, but that wasn’t what made Daryl’s heart skip a beat. From the minimum rate of decay, she looked like she had died only a couple days ago. The woman was young. Couldn’t be older than twenty-five. Her hair was full of leaves and twigs, but it was unmistakably blonde. What made him halt wasn’t the blonde hair or the same big eyes. It was the open slashes going from mid forearm to her wrists.

       The walker was nearly on him before he put his knife in her skull. Even after it lay motionless on the ground, he couldn’t peel his eyes away. The scars weren’t the same, but it was enough to make him think of Beth and the way she rubbed her wrist when she felt scared or overwhelmed. He was out here to get away from everything that reminded him of her. To get away from all the things in his head that would haunt him until the day he was put six feet under. And maybe even then, they would never go away. She loved him and he let her down.

       “A pretty farm girl like her. Love ya? What a load’a shit.”

       Merle’s voice found him again. Daryl watched as the leaves seemed to start swallowing the walker into the Earth, “Ya don’t know shit…”

       “Oh, but I do baby brother. You can’t tell me ya think she actually loves ya? An ol’ redneck like you.”

       “She ain’t a liar like you.”

       Daryl double checked if the coast was clear before resting his crossbow against a tree. Without a second thought, he started covering the walker with excess leaves. He had nothing to dig a hole with, but he could give her a peaceful resting place under the trees and brush.

       “Who’re ya gonna believe? Your big brother, Merle, or some girl that don’t think twice ‘bout ya?”

       As he scooped the final pile of leaves on top of the corpse, Daryl stood up straight and said into the silence of the morning, “Ya ain’t here.”

       That was answer enough. He didn’t need to run. Not from this. Not from her. He had something to lose, but he was starting to think that was better than having nothing to lose at all. Daryl picked up his crossbow and went back the way he came, no longer hearing Merle’s voice in his head.

 

 

       Alexandria was quiet. A somber tone took over the community as they mourned the deaths of too many of their own. People were still doing their jobs, but the usual smiles and waves were no longer thrown around casually. It would never be the same as it was. The death of innocence would either break them or create something new in its place.

       Sasha looked confused as Daryl strode back through the gates, “That was quick.”

       “Changed my mind.”

       Daryl let his feet guide him towards the house, before he heard a familiar voice. Maggie was working with Deanna on the new farm plot. He stopped deciding whether or not to go over there when Maggie made the decision for him.

       “Daryl, you’re back early,” she phrased as a question. She handed Deanna the shovel and walked over to him.

       “Mhm,” he answered with a nod, becoming immediately uncomfortable with the situation.

       “Any luck?”

       “Nah. I’ll go out ‘gain tomorrow.”

       Maggie watched him carefully, with that all knowing look she inherited from her dad, “Beth’s at the house with Judith if you’re lookin’ for her.”

       Daryl’s grip tightened on the strap of his crossbow wanting to crawl out of his skin. Why did he stop walking? “Hmm,” he mumbled, not trusting his own words.

       Maggie grinned, “Ya don’t gotta hide it. I ain’t gonna bite your head off.” The grin faded away slowly, as she got more serious, “She may be my little sister, but she grew up a long time ago. Had ta come to terms with that.”

       Daryl looked away, “So what’re ya sayin’?”

       “All I’m sayin’ is ya don’t need ta ask permission.”

       Daryl didn’t realize that was what he was searching for. After the prison, he made a promise to himself to protect Beth. He would do for Beth what he couldn’t for Hershel. In the safety of his own head, Daryl promised him he would keep her alive. But being with Beth turned into something else, and whatever that was felt like a betrayal. Not only to Hershel, but to his promise. Maggie was somehow able to pick up on something. Maybe it was the way Daryl couldn’t look her in the eyes. Or maybe the Greene sisters had a sixth sense about them.

       Maggie fussed with her gardening gloves as she spoke, “You know, my daddy used ta be a drinker. He would come home some nights…I was old enough ta know not ta be downstairs when he came home. I’m not sure Beth would remember much’a that, but eventually, he cut it all off. Never touched a single drop’a it again. Not until the barn,” Maggie paused, “The man ya’ll met back on the farm was a good man. A good father, but he wasn’t always like that. He made mistakes, but he changed. He wasn’t perfect, never was, but he became everythin’ we needed him ta be.”

       Maggie took a deep breath in and blew it out her nose, finally looking back at him, “He wasn’t perfect, but he knew people. He trusted you, Daryl. Loved you. And so do I.”

       Without another word, she gave him a small smile and walked back to the farming plot. Daryl felt like he just got dosed in a bucket of water. Maggie had pulled out all of his fears and laid them at his feet, telling him everything was all right. It was like he was awake now. The memory of Hershel was still fresh in his head, but he knew as the months went by that wouldn’t be the case. He would hold on to them, but they didn’t have to suffocate him anymore.

       Daryl slowly started gathering himself and he kept walking all the way back to the house, letting his feet guide him to where he needed to go. It didn’t take long to get back. Daryl opened the front door, hoping Beth was still around. He didn’t have to wait long to find out.

       “Rick?” Beth’s voice echoed from the living room, a sense of urgency behind her tone.

       “Nah, Daryl,” he replied, following her voice. Beth was sitting down on the floor. Her legs spread out in a V in front of her.

       “Daryl, come look!” she said, excitedly. He hadn’t seen her smile like that in a long time. It lit up her entire face. Her eyes glistened with happiness rather than tears. He couldn’t look away.

       Then, he heard a giggle and glanced across the floor to see Judith trying to stand up on wobbly legs. She was able to stand for a couple of seconds before she fell back onto the floor, wiggling her legs in front of her.

       Beth scooped her up, a breathy laugh escaping her, “Ya did such a good job, Jude.”

       Daryl watched the scene unfold. Contentment settling within him at the sight, “You’re good with her.”

       “She makes it easy,” Beth smiled, kissing the girl on the cheek.

       “Nah, I’ve seen ya with Mika and Carl.”

       Beth looked at Daryl like she was trying to decide whether or not to say something. She turned her gaze back down to Judith, “I used ta dream ‘bout a place like this. Havin’ a family like this.”

       Visions of Beth surrounded by children of her own rushed through his mind. A young girl with brown hair and a soft lilting voice that could put a person back together just like her mother’s. A little boy with blonde hair and piercing blue eyes just like his mother’s. Daryl realized all too late that the girl with brown hair had his cheek bones and his eyes. He shut those thoughts out of his mind. Pushing them so far down, he would eventually forget he ever had them. It was just a fleeting glimpse of a future that wouldn’t ever come to pass. He wasn’t meant to be a father.

       “It was still somethin’ I thought ‘bout at the prison. Even after Lori,” Beth sighed through her nose, finally getting up from the floor, “That’s how incredibly naïve I was.”

       “It ain’t naïve ta want somethin’,” Daryl wasn’t sure why he was encouraging any of this. All he knew was he wanted to see Beth happy. He wasn’t going to think about the implications of what he was suggesting.

       Beth shook her head, bouncing Judith on her hip, “None of it feels real. I keep wonderin’ when it’ll disappear. Waitin’ for the other shoe ta drop. Wolves didn’t help.”

       The guilt hit Daryl, watching the brightness fade from her. His eyes drifted down to the hand shaped bruises around her neck. He left her this morning. And for what? Because he was scared? “M’sorry I left.”

      Beth placed Judith into her play pin before turning back to face him, “I know ya need ta be out there sometimes. Even I feel like the walls are closin’ in.”

       He watched her. She was giving him a pass, even though he didn’t deserve one. As he looked past everything, he saw the thinly veiled sadness in the way she held herself. He let her down like he always did. There were enough things in this world that were fucked. He couldn’t be another one of those things.

       “Come with me next time. Could get sum practice in with that bow,” he offered, hoping he wasn’t too late to try and make up for his fuck up.

       Beth stood up a little straighter at his offer, “Alright.” A grin started forming on her face, “So, ya do love my company.”

       Her words from months ago came back. He remembered that conversation so clearly, because it was the first time he realized how much he actually cared about Beth. It wasn’t something fleeting or something he could push down until it passed. It was there and it was going to rear its head every chance it got until he decided to listen.

       He scoffed, as a small smirk tugged at the corner of his lips, “Nah, ain’t that.”

       He repeated the same words back to her and watched as her smile grew. They both knew full well he was lying, but it was acknowledgement of a shared moment that obviously meant just as much to Beth as it did to Daryl.

       A sort of sureness seemed to fill Beth, as she took a step closer to him, “Last nig—”

       “Help!”

       A yell from the back of the house made Daryl and Beth jump into action. His heart started hammering in his chest and all he could think was: Not again. They both ran down the hall towards the back door where the yell came from. Mika was standing in the entryway out of breath, eyes wide with fear. Daryl immediately went to clear the backyard as Beth ran to Mika.

       “What happened?” Beth asked, behind him. The yard was clear and there was no one around, so Daryl turned his attention back to Mika. She was visibly shaking.

       “Mika, what happened?” Beth asked, a little more firmly.

       Mika was shaking her head like she was trying to get rid of whatever she just saw, “I was at…at Sam’s house. And we were playing in his room. There…There was yelling downstairs and he tried to get me to go in his closet. But…but then I heard Mrs. Anderson scream. I just wanted to help…I just wanted to help. I swear”

       Daryl’s stomach dropped. If this was going where he thought it was, he was going to kill him. Beth held Mika’s hands as she spoke, “You’re doin’ great.”

       Mika sniffled, but continued, “I went downstairs to…to make sure she was alright. Sam kept yelling at me to stop, but she had screamed so loud. It stopped when I got downstairs, so I went to the kitchen and…and Mr. Anderson…he…”

       Daryl saw red. From the look on Beth’s face, she knew what had happened, “It’s alright, Mika.”

       “She was on the floor and he was hitting her. I didn’t know…I didn’t know what to do. Carol says we have to fight and protect our friends, so…”

       “What did ya do?” Beth asked, fear coating her voice.

       Mika whimpered, collapsing in on herself, “I shot him. I…I didn’t mean to. I just wanted him to stop.”

       Everything in Daryl solidified. He wasn’t going to let this burden fall on Mika. He loaded his crossbow and geared up to go deal with it himself, “Stay here. Both’a ya.”

       Beth looked at Daryl and then back at Mika, as something dawned on her face, “Where’s your gun?”

       “I don’t know…I think I dropped it,” she replied.

       Shit. That meant Pete might have a gun. It was a very real possibility that Mika hadn’t killed him, only injured him. It would be easier if he was dead, but he also wouldn’t want that weighing on the girl. If Pete was dead, he’d be a walker soon enough and there were still kids in that house.  

       “Get in the house an’ stay put,” he commanded. As he rounded the corner into the side yard, Daryl saw Beth ushering Mika inside.

       He emerged onto the street in front of the house, scanning the surrounding area. There wasn’t anyone around, so he started jogging towards Jessie’s house. As he got closer, he heard yelling. The scene in front of him unfolded and he got closer. People were ducking for cover or rushing away from a figure in the middle of the street.

       “You’re not one of us!” Pete yelled, as he pointed Mika’s gun at Rick. The hand not holding the gun was pressed over a bullet wound in his side. Rick was holding a hand up towards Pete, shielding Jessie behind him. Daryl knew this wasn’t going to end well. Rick wasn’t going to be able to talk him down from this.

       “Pete, stop it!” Jessie begged. Using her plea as a distraction, Daryl stalked around the left side of the street, keeping Pete within his sights. He came up near the porch of Jessie’s house when he realized there was some faint whimpering coming from the porch. Daryl glanced between the rails to see Sam standing there watching his dad point a gun at his mom.

       Someone must have alerted Deanna, because she was slowly approaching the situation from the other side of the road, Michonne hot on her heels. She calmly addressed him, “Pete, this is not the way. Put the gun down and let’s just talk.”

       “They’re not one of us! They’re a plague that infects everything they touch. I just wanted to be left alone!” He yelled, turning the gun on Deanna, “And you just let it happen!”

       In the face of death, Deanna stood up straighter, “No, I’ve let this happen for far too long. I should have exiled you the minute I found out. Surgeon or not.”

       If it was possible, Pete turned an even more vibrant shade of red. Daryl saw Rick reach for his gun, but Pete was constantly turning between both him and Deanna. He was becoming more frantic. This was going to turn very ugly very quickly, if no one stopped him.

       Daryl turned to Sam and said it a low voice, “Close your eyes, kid. Don’t open ‘em ‘til I say.”

       Sam turned wide eyed to Daryl, like he hadn’t noticed he was there until that moment. Tears were still streaming out of his eyes. “Do it,” Daryl urged. Sam didn’t have to be told twice. He shut his eyes and put his hands over them. His whimpers filled his ears.

       As Pete started surging towards Deanna with the gun raised, Daryl aimed and he fired. His bolt flew through the air and embedded itself into Pete’s temple. His body collapsed to the ground and the gun skittered across the road. Everyone froze. Silence settled over the street. Blood oozed from Pete’s side, staining the street. The first one to recover was Rick. He turned to Daryl and gave him a nod.

       Jessie was crying, but Daryl guessed it was more out of shock than anything. He looked back to Sam, who still had his hands over his eyes. Daryl walked towards him. The porch steps creaked under his boots as he ascended them.

       “Keep ‘em closed ‘til ya get in the house,” Daryl said. He gently ushered the boy back through the front door, hoping he saved him from even an ounce of trauma. Daryl knew what it was like growing up with a dad like that and he wouldn’t wish it on anybody. Pete being dead would give Sam a better chance. It was better to grow up with no father than a shitty one. Daryl realized he did what he wished someone else would have done for him.

       Once Sam was safe in his house, Daryl walked towards the body, preparing to get it out of the street when Deanna approached him and Rick. A stubborn, determined look was set on her face, the same fire he had seen the night after the Wolves attacked was present.

       “Thank you. Both of you. I should have exiled him a long time ago. Keeping him around was a mistake. I thought I could control the situation, but I was wrong. I understand that now.”

       Daryl glanced at Rick, who was eyeing Deanna to see if she was sincere. From what Daryl could tell, she was. He could see the guilt in the way she sighed and in the way she walked away. Before she got too far, she turned and said, “Don’t worry about the body. I’ll get Tobin and Aidan to deal with it.”

       Nothing else needed to be said. Rick clapped Daryl on the shoulder, before going to help Jessie. As he retrieved his bolt, a wave of exhaustion and numbness hit him. There was always something. Never a moments rest. He just wanted some silence. A moment of quietness. He walked back down the street, watching as the rest of the Alexandrians scurried into their houses as he passed, like they were afraid he would turn on them next.

       Then he saw her. She was walking towards him. Her blond hair reflected the midday sun making her look like she was glowing. It was like a beacon. That quietness he so desperately craved, filled his head as she stopped in front of him.

       “Mika alright?” He questioned.

       She nodded, “Shaken up, but she’ll get through it just fine. Carols with her now.”

       “You can tell her she didn’t kill ‘im. That ain’t on her.”

       Beth watched him, her blue eyes piercing into him, “Is he dead?”

      Daryl nodded, biting the inside of his cheek, waiting to see her reaction. Until he remembered her words from last night: There wasn’t ever a moment where I was judgin’ you. He didn’t have to tell her he was the one who killed him. She already knew. There was no shock on her face. No pity. No judgement, but he couldn’t tell what she was thinking. He wasn’t going to assume anymore.

       “What?” He asked her, trying to avoid making the same mistake twice.

       “Nothin’. I’m just glad you’re here.”

       And for once Daryl believed her. Beth took his hand, clasping it in her small one, and brought it to her lips. Never breaking eye contact, she kissed the back side of his hand, letting it drop between them. He wanted to pull her into him. To make her understand all the things she made him feel, but now wasn’t the time.

       “Let’s go home,” she said, as she pulled him to walk alongside her. And Daryl thought he could really get used to hearing her say that.

Notes:

Cheers to the first fully Daryl POV chapter! It was definitely needed. As you all can see Daryl is still struggling with certain aspects of himself. We get a glimpse of that in this chapter.

The scene between Maggie and Daryl was such a huge turning point for him and thank you again to my friend for helping me write that scene! I really loved how it turned out and it wouldn't have been the same without her. That talk is basically Hershel giving Daryl permission from beyond the grave lol.

So on to the Pete situation. Since the Wolves incident people have been allowed to carry around their weapons. And you bet your ass Carol gave Mika her gun back immediately after all that happened. This was an interesting scenario to write and will continue to add onto the butterfly affects of this story.

We're getting closer and closer guys I promise! Just know I have already written the scene you all are waiting for :)

Anyways, all the love to everyone! I'd love to chat with you in the comments. See you next Sunday!

Chapter 17: Just Another Dead Girl

Notes:

Happy Sunday everyone! I am uploading early. It is extremely late, but I couldn't wait to post this chapter. Its a long one. I hope you guys enjoy. This chapter and the next chapter are ones I am particularly excited about :)

As always, my explanations and thoughts will be in the end notes. I can't wait to chat with you guys in the comments and see what you all think. All the love <3

       “Ya gotta anticipate it,” Abraham said, “You’re small, so ya gotta use it.”

       The breeze kept Beth cool as she ducked and landed another blow into his palm. A bead of sweat dripped down between her shoulder blades despite the temperature. Strands of her hair were sticking to her neck. She frustratedly wiped them away. The buzzing in her body and mind become more apparent the longer she continued. The louder it got the more she felt the walls closing in around her.

       “Every part’a your body is a weapon. Elbows, knees, feet, head. Use ‘em,” Abraham commanded, voice booming through the grassy field, “Faster! Don’t think. Know.”

       Beth swung her elbow up into his awaiting palm. She felt strands of her ponytail creep back around her neck. Suffocating her. Beth kept swinging, hoping it would keep everything from caving in. Another punch. Another swing. Another kick. Duck. Another punch. Her breathing rattled through her chest and clenched teeth. Everything around her faded. Darkness began slowly creeping into her peripherals. Alexandria faded around her and all she saw was Abraham, but when she looked at his face, it was no longer Abraham. It was a large man with a W carved into his forehead.

       The hair sticking to her neck became hands trying to smother her. All she heard was buzzing, lost in her own mind. Off in the distance, she vaguely heard a frustrated cry rip through her throat, but she kept fighting. Because if she didn’t fight, she’d die. The hands became tighter around her throat and the walls closed in more. Her vision following suit. She couldn’t breathe. Panic began bubbling in her stomach and chest, but she couldn’t stop. Another rage filled cry left her throat. If she didn’t fight, she’d die. They’d all die.

       In the sea of dread and panic, Beth heard a voice, “Beth!”

       Then, she was yanked back from the brink to Alexandria. To the grassy field. Everything came back. She sucked in a breath, looking around frantically until her eyes landed on Rosita. The concerned look on her face had Beth looking down between them. Rosita was gripping her wrists, but that wasn’t what made her stomach drop. Her knuckles were bruised and bloody. She couldn’t even feel them.

       She whipped her head towards Abraham, who looked unharmed, but how had she lost herself so badly? “Abraham…I’m so sorry.”

       “Mother dick. Ya got a damn right hook on ya,” he replied. He raised his hands up again, “We keep goin’.”

       “Abraham…” Rosita interjected, a warning lacing her tone.

       He glanced at Rosita before turning back to Beth, “If you say we’re movin’ on, then I’m good,” he paused and revised, “If this is what you need. I’m good. Cause I know whatever happened there, you’re gonna kick it right up into its own ass one way or another. I know that. So, are we grabbin’ this bull by the nutsack or we goin’ aces up?”

       Beth was struggling to register anything. She needed to get out of here. Her hands instinctively came up around her neck trying to remove any hair wrapped around it, but she found nothing. And the feeling was only getting worse. Beth couldn’t breathe.

       “I need’a minute,” she choked out as she turned and walked away. A couple of the Alexandrians had gathered around. She felt their eyes follow her as she did her best to keep her composure. Everything was barreling down on her.

       “Hey, are you okay?”

       Someone stepped in front of her, blocking her search for any form of sanctuary. She looked up to see Aidan. She brushed past him, repeating the only sentence in her mind, “I need’a minute.”

       Beth’s eyes searched for anyone or anything that could help her breath. She turned to look down the street and saw the only person she wanted to be around at this point. Daryl. He was stopped on the sidewalk and it seemed like he already clocked something was wrong. She heard Aidan’s voice behind her, more distant now, “Will she be okay? Shouldn’t someone go after her?”

       She heard Rosita’s response before she made it to Daryl, “She’ll be okay with him.”

       Beth stopped in front of him, physically wanting to claw her own skin off. She couldn’t draw in a full breath. Her throat was closing up only making it harder. She needed to get out. Daryl glanced down at her hands and then back to her face, registering everything without her having to say a word.

       “Come on,” he urged, leading her away from everyone and back to the house. The churning in her gut was becoming unbearable. Saliva started gathering under tongue, as she surged through the front door and towards the bathroom. Beth just made it to the toilet when she started to wretch. Her throated burned and her eyes watered as she emptied her stomach. Luckily, she hadn’t eaten much that morning, but the panic was still wreaking havoc inside her body.

       Daryl was by her side the whole time and she was grateful, but a wave of embarrassment also hit her. Not because he was seeing her empty her stomach into a toilet, but because it felt like she couldn’t keep from falling apart for more than five minutes. She was weak. She wasn’t the same girl she was on the farm, but she still hadn’t changed enough. After a few minutes, nothing was coming up anymore. The extra layer of sweat plastered her hair to her back and neck. A broken sound escaped her mouth as she clawed it away.

       Closing her eyes, she tried to just focus on her breathing, willing the dry heaving to subside. She heard Daryl step closer to her, his boots softly thudding on the floor. Before she gathered enough courage to look at him, she felt his hands lightly graze the nape of her neck as he gathered her hair. He pulled her hair tie out that come loose during training. Slowly, so as not to accidently touch the area at the front and sides of her neck, he began to braid her hair. Every once in a while, he paused making sure it was tight.

       Beth stayed still, letting the feeling wash over her. By the time he was done, she realized she was able to breath. The panic was mostly gone, but the feeling of claustrophobia still lingered. Suppressed, but still there like a dull throbbing pain. She was stalling, not wanting to turn around and face him. So, she busied herself by cleaning up. She avoided looking into the mirror as she washed her mouth out and got rid of the evidence of her breakdown. She watched the bloody water circle the drain while she cleaned her knuckles.

       When she finally turned around to face him, Daryl was watching her patiently. Guarding his emotions so she couldn’t tell what he was feeling. At first, she thought it was because he didn’t know how to react, but then Beth realized it was because he wanted to give her room to feel what she needed to feel.

       “I saw him,” she finally said, voice coming out scratchy, “The Wolf. It was like I was back there. Thought it woulda been better by now.”

       “Only been a couple weeks,” Daryl replied.

       “I know. I just…it’s always there.”

       He finished her thought, “Like it’s closin’ in on ya.”

       Beth nodded, not in the least bit surprised that he immediately understood. She knew she wasn’t alone in her grief. Everyone had been through so much and their scars ran deep. They would always be there, but sometimes it felt like Beth was the only one fighting a losing battle. Most days she kept herself occupied between working alongside Deanna, caring for Judith, or training. She was grateful it helped keep her mind busy, but some days were worse than others. And this was one of those days.

       Her nights were conflicting. Beth dreaded her nightmares that would come without warning, but she cherished falling asleep in Daryl’s arms. She felt safe, but he couldn’t protect her from her own mind. Sometimes she would lay awake listening to his breathing. Too afraid to fall asleep and watch him die over and over again.

       Daryl broke her out of the trance she’d fallen into, “Grab your bow an’ meet me at the gate.”

       With a voice like his, there was no room to argue. Daryl hadn’t gone out since the morning after the Wolves. A part of her thought he avoided it because he felt guilty, but she didn’t want him to feel like he had to stay because of her. Yes, she had been scared when she woke up and he was done, but he came back like he always did. He hadn’t let her down. So, she didn’t argue. Maybe she would be able to breath once she left the gates of Alexandria behind.

       A wave of affection and gratitude crashed into her. Beth always felt her love for him simmering somewhere inside her. Sometimes it was in her gut, sometimes her chest, and sometimes it just overwhelmed everything. Before she could stop herself, she reached for his face. Her hand caressed his cheek and jaw, his scruff tickling her palm. Using her connection to him as an anchor, she pulled herself in and placed a kiss near the corner of his mouth. She wanted to thank him, but words always fell flat, so she showed him.

       She wasn’t brave enough yet to place her lips where she truly wanted them, but this would have to be enough for now. She pulled away, giving him some space, “I’ll be at the gate.” She left the bathroom, feeling his eyes follow her.

 

 

     The roar of an engine bounced off the walls of Alexandria. Beth’s bow was thrown over her back with her arrows. One of her knives was strapped to her hip and the other to her thigh. A small hand gun was holstered on the other hip. Maggie had insisted she bring the gun. She couldn’t exactly refuse with Mika in the room. It would’ve made Beth a hypocrite. So, she took it and hugged Maggie, Glenn, and Mika on the way out. She knew her sister was worried, but she held her tongue knowing Beth needed this.

     Daryl stopped the motorcycle right before the gates. A genuine smile grew on Beth face. The confidence he exuded when he was on a motorcycle made her stomach erupt in butterflies. She remembered feeling the same way at the prison, but it was something she wrote off at the time. Beth pulled herself together, “Ya finally got it fixed.”

     “Mhm. Made me work for it,” he grunted.

     As she swung her leg over the back of the bike and her arms wrapped around his middle, she said, “It was worth it.” Beth felt a hitch in his chest. She couldn’t tell if it was one of his huffing laughs or if it was something else that had to do with the implication behind her words. Daryl composed himself and he nodded his head at Tyreese, who slide open the gates of Alexandria.

     The engine revved and took off. Beth instinctively tightened her hold around Daryl as she watched the looming walls of Alexandria fade behind them. The feeling of claustrophobia that she constantly pushed down evaporated like the morning dew. It finally allowed her to take her first deep breath in what felt like weeks.

 

 

       “Good. Again.”

       Daryl’s voice sent shivers through her. She would like to blame it on the breeze, but even she couldn’t make that big of a stretch. Beth notched another arrow, aimed, and fired. The arrow stuck in a particularly large tree across a small open field.

       They both had loosened up quite a bit after being out in the open for an hour or so. Her morning breakdown no longer tainted their interactions. Daryl was more open out in the woods and away from prying eyes. He was more spirited and bolder. It encouraged a similar willingness to run head first into whatever was growing between them.

       “Gettin’ better,” he said, “Soon ya won’t even need ta think ‘bout it.”

       “Soon I won’t need ya at all,” Beth smiled, “I’m comin’ for your crown, Dixon.”

       A dangerous glint appeared in his eyes, “Ya?”

       “Yeah,” she replied confidently, which she now realized was a mistake. The butterflies she often felt around him shifted.

       “Better watch your back, Greene,” Daryl shifted on his feet, stepping closer to her. He had the same look on his face when she teased him. There was something burning behind his eyes. It toed the line between danger and desire. If she didn’t know him well, she would be afraid, but she did know him well. Right now, all she wanted was him. It felt like a molten knife was rummaging through her abdomen. Her desire was becoming almost excruciating. It no longer took the shape of butterflies dancing in the wind. This was something darker and fuller and more dire. It wholly consumed her.

       Her breath caught in her throat and her heartbeat pounded against her chest. Beth refused to back down as he got closer. She didn’t trust her voice to come out steady, so she kept it shut. Not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he affected her. Beth’s eyes traced up his body and landed on his lips, before finally looking into his eyes. The blue of them making her question reality.

       “What do ya want, girl?”

       His question pierced straight through her and settled in her core, “Think I made it clear.”

       All her thoughts disappeared from her head and all she saw was him. Beth’s heart skipped a beat as she watched Daryl reach for her. She wanted to surge forward into his arms, but this was the first time he had initiated anything. So, she waited patiently with bated breath. His hand cupped her face like he was mimicking what she did this morning. The warmth from his hand engulfed her cheek.

       Beth’s eyes fluttered shut, leaning into his touch. She kept as still as possible, afraid if she moved too suddenly, she’d scare him away. When her eyes found his again, his lips were slightly parted and his pupils were dilated, but there was still something holding him back. Her hand instinctively came up around his. It took everything in her not to pull him closer. He wasn’t ready yet and that was okay. She’d wait however long he needed.

       She leaned her head into his hand one last time before pulling it away. Instead of letting go right away, she brought his palm to her lips and placed a feather light kiss in the middle, reassuring him there was no place she rather be than with him. A look crossed Daryl’s face as she returned his had to his side. She couldn’t quite tell what it was, but she looked at him with love in her eyes regardless.

       “I’m gonna grab my arrows. I’ll be back in a second,” she said, her voice coming out soft and breathy. Daryl nodded finally stepping back. As Beth walked across the field, she realized he hadn’t hung his head in shame like he had done so many times before when something transpired between them. It was almost enough to make her giggle to herself. He was starting to understand and accept what this was. That she loved him. All of him. And, maybe, he was even starting to accept he felt the same way.

       Beth yanked two of her arrows from the tree. The other two attempts had nicked the left side of the trunk, so she scoured the floor of the woods looking for the them. They couldn’t have done that far. After a couple minutes of searching, she found one of them sticking out from some brush. The other one was a little further away. When she grabbed it, she turned back towards the clearing to see she could just barely make it out through all the trees.

       She started making her way back when she heard growling coming from behind her. Beth immediately grew her knife and whipped around. A severely decomposing walker was stumbling towards her. Its jaw was unhinged, bits of flesh hanging from its teeth. Two more popped up behind it. Before the other two walkers could catch up with the first, she plunged her knife into its skull. She yanked it back just in time to duck under the grasping arms of the next one. Beth shoved her foot into the crevice of the walker’s knee and watched it crumble to the ground. Her knife embedded itself into its temple on the way down. Unfortunately, the weight of the walker collapsing and the way her knife was lodged made her lose her grip.

       She lost her knife with the walker. The last walker closed in on her faster than she expected. Beth shoved it away far enough to pull her other knife and shove it through the underside of its chin and into the brain. She heaved as she wrenched her knife back. Dark blood dripping onto her hands. Gathering herself quickly, she wiped her weapons and hands on the clothes of the walkers and sheathed both of them. As she walked, she let herself take a moment to feel proud of herself. A couple months ago, she wasn’t sure she would’ve been able to handle three walkers by herself.

       A small voice in the back of her head whispered: Weak. But another voice was louder and more dominant. It was Daryl’s voice telling it to fuck off. A genuine smile tugged at the corners of her lips. He always had her back even when he wasn’t there. As Beth approached the clearing, her smile dropped. A voice floated across the field that didn’t belong to Daryl. Keeping her footsteps as quiet as possible, she approached a large tree at the edge of the clearing. She peered around it to examine the situation.

       Daryl was standing in the same place she left him, but a man with shoulder length blond hair and a scraggily beard was pointing a gun at him. Two women flanked him. It looked like they only had one gun, but Beth wasn’t sure. Something in her hardened. If they made it out of this, she had to made sure to thank Maggie for forcing her to bring a gun. Carefully, Beth circled the outskirts of the clearing, trying to position herself behind the three people.

       Beth could finally hear what the man was saying, but he seemed to be getting agitated at Daryl’s lack of response. She crept closer and closer and eventually Daryl clocked her. His eyes briefly landing on her before turning back to the man. None of them seemed to notice.

       “Do it now! Drop it,” The man yelled.

       She was close enough now to make a move. Beth raised her gun and pointed it at the woman closest to her, “No, you drop it or I shoot.”

       Beth wasn’t actually sure if she could pull the trigger, but she schooled her face into an emotionless mask. She held the gun steady, as she pointed it at the temple of the woman with longer brown hair. The man’s eyes went wide and she knew she had him. So, she reiterated, “Drop it and back up.”

       “Alright. Alright. Easy,” the man said, as he lowered his gun and placed it on the ground. He kept his eyes locked on Beth and she circled around towards Daryl’s side. Daryl lifted his crossbow back to his shoulder, aiming at the man. He carefully bent down and pocketed the gun. Both the women looked frightened, but they stood their ground.

       “Leave,” Daryl grunted at them, “An’ keep walkin’.”

       Beth guessed Daryl came to the same conclusion she had. These people didn’t seem dangerous. They looked scared and like they’d been on the road for too long. After the words left Daryl’s mouth, she watched a look of confusion form on all of their faces.

       The man’s brows furrowed as he said, “What?”

       “Ya deaf? I told ya to leave,” Daryl replied, getting more frustrated.

       Beth watched a mixture of relief and confusion go through the group. It was an odd enough reaction to the point Beth glanced at Daryl to see if he was seeing the same thing she was. Daryl’s eyes were glued to the group, but he also had the same look of confusion on his face that she did.

       The man finally spoke up, “We thought you were with them. I’m sorry. I had to be sure.”

       Before Daryl could speak, Beth interjected, “We don’t want any trouble. Whoever they are…We ain’t them.” Her gut was telling her these people wouldn’t hurt them, so she took a risk and slowly started lowering her gun. Daryl kept his crossbow trained on the man. “I’m Beth. This is Daryl.”

       The man looked behind him at the two women. The one she had pointed her gun at nodded her head and the man spoke, “I’m Dwight. This is Sherry and Tina.”

       The one named Tina seemed to be on the verge of passing out to the point she was leaning against Sherry. She was pale and sweating even though the temperature was slowly starting to dip more and more. “Is she alright?” Beth asked her.

       Dwight turned to Tina and quickly set down and opened a small medical box she didn’t realize he was holding. Beth was too busy watching the gun he was pointing in Daryl’s face. Sherry was the one that answered, “She’s sick.”

       She watched Dwight administer something to Tina. From what Beth remembered, it seemed she had some form of diabetes. Dwight responded, as he packed up the box again, “An’ we’re running out. She can’t take much more of this.” He looked to Sherry, “We took from them and we still ended up in the same place.”

       Sherry shook her head, “We earned what we took.”

       Beth glanced to Daryl. He had the same look on his face. These people were in trouble and they needed help. He lowered his crossbow slightly and finally spoke, “How many walkers have ya killed?”

       Dwight threw an incredulous look towards Daryl, “What?”

       Daryl repeated, “How many walkers have ya killed? Just answer the question.”

       He sighed, “A lot. A couple dozen by now.”

       “How many people ya killed?”

       “None,” he responded, slightly dejected.

       The last question left Daryl’s lips with finality, “Why?”

       “Why haven’t I killed anybody? Because if I did, there’d be no going back. There’d be no going back to how things were.”

       His response reminded Beth of Glenn. Beth knew Glenn used to think like that, probably still did, but he had compromised all his morals to save her sister. And she would never stop thanking him for that. A question popped into her mind, “These people you’re running from, they after you?”

       Sherry repeated the same thing she said earlier, “We earned what we took. They offer safety and maybe it was like that for a while, but now…People will trade anything for safety. For knowing that they’re safe.”

       Dwight tacked on, “Everything. Until they got nothing left except…existing.”

       Daryl shifted on his feet, lowering his crossbow even more, “Nobody’s safe anymore. Can’t promise people that anyhow.”

       Tina finally spoke, still leaning heavily on Sherry, but at least the color had come back to her face, “You could promise the people who want to hear it.”

       Daryl looked at Beth and she nodded. She believed they were good people and she could tell Daryl did too. So, she stepped in, looking at them all, “We’re from a place where people are still like they were…more or less. You could come back with us, even just to rest for a couple days.”

       Dwight looked in between Daryl and Beth, seeming to come to a conclusion, “Alri—”

       The rustling of leaves had them all turning to their right. The moans and growls of walkers pierced the air. Beth looked through the trees and saw an onslaught of walkers coming towards them about forty yards away. And from what she could tell it was way more than all five of them could take on.

       Daryl quickly passed the gun back to Dwight, as they all ran parallel to the horde. Beth followed Daryl’s lead, but he was leading them further away from where they stashed his bike. As they kept running away from the clearing and into the woods, she caught on to his plan. He kept glancing to his right, checking on the horde. The hope was to find an opening so they could circle around back to the bike and they would figure out what to do from there. But the horde seemed never ending, as they kept running parallel. The walkers got closer, cutting them off. She took out both her knives as she prepared to fight through the thick of them.

       He finally turned left and dove into a particularly sparse part of the horde. Dwight and Sherry were holding their own, but Tina was still struggling. Beth was about to grab her and put her in between them all when a scream tore through her ears. She gaped as she watched a walker bite down on Tina’s right wrist. Her body reacted before her mind could, because her knife was in its skull before any more damage could be done.

       A small chunk of skin was missing near her wrist and all Beth could think was: Cut it off. They had to cut it off, but Sherry only had a little pocket knife. She and Daryl had knives, but by the time they cut through the bone, Tina would be dead from blood lose. They needed to get to Alexandria and soon. Beth rushed to help support Tina, as the other kept fighting through the horde, following behind Daryl.

       Not more than a minute later, they broke through. Most of the horde falling behind them. Beth looked up from the ground, still supporting Tina and she almost cried in relief when she saw the road. Daryl’s bike was hidden under a lump of brush off to the right.

       Her momentary relief turned into fear when she realized the bike could only hold two people. In that moment she had to make a choice. What type of person did she want to be in this world? And really, it wasn’t even a question. Beth knew those two people had to be Daryl and Tina. He had to get her back to Alexandria. It would be a ten-minute ride if he gunned it. There was no other option. She couldn’t drive a motorcycle, so it had to be him. She would have to get the other two there herself. She pushed down all the fear and panic that bubbled up, mentally putting a lid on it.

       As Daryl stood up his bike, she confronted him with his worst fear, “Ya gotta take her with ya. She can make it if ya get her there.”

       Daryl turned his sharp gaze on her, many emotions passing over his face, “Nah, I ain’t leavin’ ya.”

       They didn’t have time to argue. Beth helped Tina onto the back of the bike, “Go, I’ll get the others there. I know the way.”

       Sherry and Dwight finally joined them, looks of surprise written all over their face as they overheard the exchange. Beth turned to them, “He’ll get her there.”

       Tina was holding her bloody wrist to her chest, breathing heavily from all the running. Even if they left the bike and all went to Alexandria on foot, Tina wouldn’t make. Not in the condition she was in. Daryl wasn’t having it, but there was no time. The horde was closing in, “Get on the fuckin’ bike, Beth!”

       Tears sprung up in her eyes, seeing the desperation on his face, but he made no move to remove Tina from the bike. He knew it was the right thing to do. “You have ta save her. I’ll be right behind you. I promise,” she choked out past the lump in her throat.

       Dwight stepped forward, staring at Daryl with conviction in his eyes, “We’ll get her there. I swear it. We owe you.”

       Fear consumed her. She didn’t want to be parted from Daryl, but this was the right thing to do, “Go!”

       The horde was closing in and they had to run. She stepped away from the bike, a tear escaping and falling down her cheek. Daryl looked between her and Dwight, a look of devastation hardening as he put his mask back on, “If she don’t make it back…you’re gonna wish I killed ya.”

       Dwight only nodded, understanding the stakes. As the engine roared to live, she watched Daryl give her one last look before he sped off down the road towards Alexandria. Dwight, Sherry, and Beth kept running, a horde of walkers larger than she had ever seen on their heels, it occurred to her that for once she made a decision her daddy would have been proud of. She wouldn’t ever know what he thought of the things she’d done in the past, but she knew he would be proud of her in this moment.

       In one of the grimmest situations, warmth filled her chest and ignited a fire inside of her. She had to make it back to him. To them all. She didn’t care what she had to do. She pushed forward, focusing every ounce of her being into making it back to Alexandria. As they ran, taking out any walkers that got in front of them, Beth swore she wouldn’t be just another dead girl.

Notes:

Ahhh! Well the horde is here and we do not have a plan like we did in the show. Consequences of the Wolves coming early and Pete dying the way he did, but Dwight, Sherry, and Tina are here. Their interaction goes similarly, but also entirely different because Beth was there (not to mention the horde).

Beth has a little breakdown at the beginning training with Abraham. I like to reiterate that Beth is a strong character AND she struggles with a lot of PTSD like everyone else in the show. One step forward and three steps back is usually how it goes when dealing with stuff like PTSD and trauma.

There's a lot of Daryl and Beth development in this chapter, which is a direct result of what happened last chapter. Daryl is currently balancing on his tiptoes on the edge of the cliff very ready to fall right over into full Bethyl territory...he's very very close lol.

The end of this chapter was actually a hopeful one to write even though the characters are in a dire situation. A lot of revelations happened this chapter, good and bad. Daryl leaving Beth behind with Dwight and Sherry really was the only "logical" option. It was more like Beth forcing his hand. It was a choice she made for him, even though that may not have been the one he made himself.

Anyways, I can't wait to see what you guys think! All the love <3 See you next Sunday :)

Chapter 18: Band-Aid Bullet Hole

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I am posting early again, because I got this chapter done sooner than I expected. And I can't wait for you all to read it. I don't think you'll be disappointed :)

Come talk with me in the comments afterwards! I'd love to know what you all thought of the chapter. Thank you for all the love and support this story has gotten. I never expected it to get a response like this. You guys are truly the best <3

As always, all my thoughts and explanations for the chapter will be in the end notes.

       All Beth could hear was the rush of air going in and out of her lungs. The road stretched ahead of her. Never ending. She didn’t know how long they’d been running. There were no mile markers of any sort, so they just kept running. Only stopping because they physically couldn’t breathe. Sweat made its way into her eyes making them burn, but that was nothing compared to the burning in her legs.

       They stuck to the road knowing it was more dangerous to be out in the open, but, at the moment, a greater threat was looming behind them. They had broken through the outskirts of the horde and sprinted flat out for as long as they could before slowing into a jog. Beth glanced over her shoulder to see Dwight and Sherry in the same condition as her. Then, she looked past them towards the horde. It was ambling behind them, far enough that she couldn’t make out any specific features of the walkers, but it was still too close for Beth’s liking. Not to mention, she was leading them straight to Alexandria.

       She didn’t have a choice. The three of them were running on fumes and even if they weren’t, they wouldn’t be able to lead away a horde that big on foot. Daryl would make sure Alexandria was ready. They just had to stay ahead of it.

       It had to have been at least two and a half hours of running. Things started to look familiar as they got closer to Alexandria. The sun was getting lower in the sky and that was probably more concerning that anything. Doing this in the dark would be impossible. Beth slowed to a jog, falling back next to Dwight and Sherry, “We gotta get back ‘fore night. If we keep pushin’, we can make it.”

       “How long?” Dwight asked, panting between his words.

       Beth took another look around. Things started looking more and more familiar. They had to be only a few miles away now, “Twenty minutes maybe.”

       Even the thought of running for another five minutes was brutal, but they had to keep going. They pushed on, not stopping to take anymore breaks. There seemed to be a silent consensus among them all that they wouldn’t stop anymore. A part of Beth was worried if she did stop, she’d wouldn’t be able to start again.

       As the minutes ticked by, she started to slow, unable to keep up the rapid pace they were maintaining. Beth was breathing so hard she was starting to wondering if she’d she her heart burst out of her chest and land on the road in front of her. That’s when she saw something moving up ahead. At first, she thought it was the gates of Alexandria and her vision was just playing tricks on her, but then she heard the familiar sound of revving engines.

       She stopped cold. The weird sensation of standing still after running for so long made her body hum. New waves of adrenaline heightened her senses tenfold. Without wasting another second, Beth dragged Dwight and Sherry towards the right and disappeared behind the tree line. They both caught on immediately, crouching low in the forest brush. As the car got closer, she realized it wasn’t just one car. It was a convoy.

       From the look on Sherry and Dwight’s face, this was the group they were running from. The vehicles abruptly stopped in the middle of the road, right across from where they were hiding. The man leading the convoy pulled out what looked like a walkie talkie. Beth couldn’t catch everything, especially with the horde getting closer and closer, but she caught enough.

       “If the dead ones don’t…’em…no point…pack it up.”

       All the vehicles started turning around, not wanting to linger any longer with the horde. A million thoughts crossed her mind as they drove back the way they came. This was obviously only a small portion of the group. If they had the man power to send out four truck loads of people to look for three runaways, how large and how power were they? They were dealing with something a lot larger than she thought. This wasn’t some small group holed up in a warehouse somewhere. These people were organized and from the fear oozing off of Dwight and Sherry, they were extremely dangerous.

       They waited until the last possible second before they started back up. The horde was right on them again, but Beth wasn’t sure if being eaten by walkers was the worse outcome anymore. Everyone was now hyperaware of their surroundings. At least she knew the group couldn’t circle around and come up from behind them, but as their body’s settled from the adrenaline it was becoming harder to move at a pace that resembled a run.

       What little saliva she had started gathering under her tongue, as a shockwave of nausea barreled into her. She stumbled, but a hand grasped her arm, keeping her upright. Dwight let go, but kept pace with her. She wanted to thank him, but her throat was so dry, so she just nodded. Beth turned her eyes back towards the road.

       And they kept running.

 

 

           

       “Open the gate!” she yelled as loud as she could with the little breath she had left.

       A familiar face popped up over the top of the wall, her head barely clearing it. Deanna stood on the look out tower, eyes glued to the massive horde chomping at their heels. She looked frozen in fear. Beth was about to yell out again when Aidan appeared next to her.

       Beth yelled again, her voice teetering over into a scream, “Open the gate now!”

       She saw Aidan snap out of his daze and yell down to someone below. Dwight and Sherry were right next to her, but she could tell they were spent. They were only seventy feet away now. Beth could almost feel the cold metal of the wall on her fingertips. At sixty feet, someone slid open the chain link fence. At forty feet, three people lugged open the steel gate just enough so all three of them could make it through. At twenty feet, Beth saw Maggie holding her hand out to her. At ten feet, a burst of gunfire broke through the buzzing in her ears. If Sasha was popping off rounds, that meant the walkers were a lot closer to them than she realized.

       “Beth!” Maggie yelled.

       She hurtled through the gates of Alexandria directly into Maggie’s arms. The minute she stopped running her legs nearly gave out. Maggie lowered her to the pavement with a tear-stricken face, but an elated smile.

       “Bethie…” she whispered through a choked sob. She clung to her sister. Her throat was raw from all the running and yelling. Her chest heaved trying to get every bit of air into her lungs that she could, but she clung to her with the last of her strength.

       Someone else enveloped her, placing a kiss to the crown of her head. Beth looked up to see Rick crouching next to her. She fell into him, resting her forehead on his shoulder. Loud footsteps were approaching them, but she was too tired to raise her head again.

       “Is she alright?” Glenn’s urgent voice made it to her ears. Beth felt Maggie shift towards Glenn.

       “Need me ta carry ya home?” Rick asked, half joking.

       Despite her exhaustion, a grin tugged at the corners of her mouth, “Nah, but think Sherry an’ Dwight might take ya up on that.” Her voice was unrecognizable even to her own ears. It was a bizarre feeling, like someone else was inhabiting her body.

       “They good?” Rick whispered in her ear, looking over her shoulder at the two collapsed and panting people still near the gate. The roar of the horde almost drowned out Rick’s voice, but Beth still heard him well enough. She nodded as he helped her stand again. Maggie supporting her from behind.

       Then, everything sunk. In all her haste to get to Alexandria, everything in her mind narrowed to that one goal. Now, a blaring, red question burned in her brain: Where was Daryl?

       She hadn’t seen him when she ran in. Where was he? There must have been a clear shift in her mood because Maggie asked, “What’s a matter?”

       “Where’s Daryl?” Beth breathed out, panic rising in her throat, threatening to choke her. She turned back to Rick, pleading him with her eyes to tell her he was okay. That everything was alright. As Rick was about to answer, he glanced over her shoulder and down the street. A small smirk grew on his face.

       “Beth!”

       She heard her name being shouted behind her. She knew that voice.

       “Beth!”

       She turned following the sound of his voice, until her eyes landed on him. And she ran. She started moving before her mind could even catch up with what she was seeing. Her legs could barely carry her, but she stumbled her way to him. He was here. He made it.

       Beth collided with him at full force. Everything was coming at her so fast. Daryl being alive, breathing, and unharmed bombarded her senses. The smell of him exploded in her nose. The feel of his body against hers overwhelmed every one of her nerves. She couldn’t get close enough. Tears of relief streamed down her face mixed with notes of exhaustion and euphoria. But Beth needed more. She needed to know he was real. That this was really happening. Daryl slowly pulled away from her just enough to see her clearly. What she saw there made her heart stop. Unshed tears were gathered in his eyes.

       Then, his lips crashed into hers.

       Nothing else mattered. Not any of the people watching, not the walkers accumulating outside the walls, not the shitty world coming down on them over and over again. It didn’t matter. She was exactly where she wanted to be. An edge of desperation crept in as his lips moved against hers. Beth met him where he was at, just as desperate as he was to get closer.

       They only pulled away to breath. Her forehead still rested on his, not wanting to move away any farther than that. Their breathing was ragged as they gripped onto each other like it was their last moment on Earth. Beth had held herself back for so long. Now that the dam had finally broken, she wouldn’t waste another second. She tilted her head up and connected their lips again. Everything about Daryl made her feel alive, but the spark she felt as she kissed him was entirely different. She had thought about it for so long, but her imagination couldn’t even come close to how the real thing actually felt.

       They broke apart and all Beth wanted was more.

       “You’re here,” his voice coming out low and rough. She felt his hands tighten around her like he was checking she was real. Beth leaned into him, trying to get impossibly closer.

       “Promised you I’d be right behind ya. I’d never break that,” Beth replied, her hand coming up to cup his cheek.

       “I’m still fuckin’ pissed at ya.” Fear coated his words and she understood the weight of what he was truly saying. There was no anger just pure dread at the thought of losing someone else. She put herself in his shoes and realized she wouldn’t have had the strength to do what he did.

       “I know. You can be as mad as ya want. Yell at me if ya have ta. Just don’t leave,” she whispered.

       “Ain’t doin’ that shit again,” he swore. A broken sigh left his lips before he said something that made the world around them disappear, “I love ya.”

       The words spilled from his mouth like he couldn’t hold them in anymore. Her lips found his again, claiming him as her own for everyone to see. He was hers and she was his. In this fucked up world, these were the things that mattered. These were the things that kept her fighting. They made her stronger.

       “I love you…I love you.”      

 

 

~

 

 

       Beth nearly cracked her skull trying to stand in the shower. And she almost laughed because wouldn’t that be the way to go in this world. Not bitten by a walker. Not killed by someone else. Not from some awful sickness, but by slipping in the shower. So, she let her spent body slump to the tiled floor, unable to so anything but let the water pour over her.

       Daryl had practically carried her from the gate to the house, but not before he shook Dwight’s hand. Beth knew Daryl was a good man, but that little gesture made her love him all the more. As he had helped her to the house, she became keenly aware of the adrenaline fading from her body. Now, she couldn’t even move her arms to wash the grim from her hair. When Daryl had carefully placed her in the bathroom, she had an overwhelming sense of dread having to be separated from him. Beth knew it wasn’t healthy, but she didn’t care. She was going to ask him to stay. The words were on the tip of her tongue, but a part of her was still afraid if she moved too fast or pushed too hard, he’d slip away from her.

       He had averted his eyes, waiting for her to decide what would happen next like he always did. It hadn’t even crossed her mind the position it would put her in if she had asked him to stay. All she knew was she needed him, but her hesitation had conveyed the wrong message because Daryl broke the silence first, “I’ll be outside. Yell if ya need anythin’.”

       Beth reached for the handle to turn the water off, using it to help her stand. The minute the water stopped she started to tremble. Nobody’s body was used to running flat out for a dozen miles, especially not one that had been still slowly recovering from starvation. Beth opened the shower door, looking for the next thing to grab a hold of. The counter was the closest, so she tried to take a couple steps towards it, but she couldn’t even handle that.

       The floor came up to meet her before she even knew what happened. The shaking in her body intensified as the cold tiles made contact with her skin. It wasn’t like anything Beth had experienced before. She had gotten the shivers before, but this was something wholly different. It was violent and painful. In the onslaught of horrific sensations, a metallic taste bloomed in her mouth. She ran her tongue over her bottom lip and realized she had bitten her lip hard enough to draw blood.

       She glanced up towards the counter, seeing if she could somehow slide her body to it. Some clean clothes were resting on the edge and she needed to get to them, but she might as well be climbing Everest. Using her arms, she shakily pulled herself closer to the counter. She blindly grabbed for the clothes, knocking them to the floor. Her bra and underwear were on the top, so she started with those. Beth quickly realized that the material running along her skin made her wish she’d cracked her skull open on the shower handle. Carefully and as slow as molasses, she put on her under garments. By the time she was finished, she knew that was all she could manage.

       That small amount of effort rocketed through her entire body and ended up in her head. Her vision wasn’t much better than the rest of her. Black splotches kept fading in and out of view. If she blinked too hard or moved her head too fast, waves of nausea would overcome her. The trembling was by far the worst. Every tortured muscle in her body was completely tensed up only making it worse.

       Her teeth clenched together, trying to keep in the sob stuck in her throat. Maybe she didn’t need to move. Maybe she could just stay right here. It wasn’t like she led a whole horde of walkers directly to the walls of their home. It wasn’t like she forced the man she loved to leave her behind. It wasn’t like she failed Judith. Like she was weak. Like she deserved this.

       Beth felt the fight leave her. She opened the floodgates and let all the pain in, giving it full reign to consume her. A silent cry exited her chest, echoing off the walls of her own mind. Her prison. Everything got loud like it always did when she was left alone. She rolled her head to the other side, looking at the door of the bathroom. It shuttered and faded in and out of view. Beth hoped she would lose consciousness. Maybe then the pain would stop and everything in her head would go quiet.

       The door loomed above her. Was he still behind it? The thought of him seeing her like this only made everything worse. The pounding in her head intensified. She should’ve known better. Like she had summoned him by pure thought alone, she heard his voice through the cloud of agony, “Beth.”

       His voice brought her comfort, but she couldn’t let him see her like this. Everything in her wanted to call out to him. Tell him she needed him. Not like this, “Maggie…” Her voice was nearly gone.

       “With Deanna. Said she’d be back soon.”

       Beth could hear the concern in his voice through the door. A sudden fear gripped her heart. Was this what she’d be doing the rest of her life? Hiding from him. From her family. Hiding her pain and nightmares, because of what? Because she was ashamed? She didn’t want this to be what was waiting for her around every corner. She needed help. She didn’t want to fight this alone. Weak. Beth pushed the voice down.

       “Help,” Beth muttered, hoping he heard her because she wasn’t sure she could do it again.

       She should’ve known. Daryl would never let her down. He was through the door before Beth could even blink. His eyes darted around the bathroom, before they landed on her curled up on the floor. Fear melted his features, lips curving downward. The shock of the condition she was in didn’t even phase him. Without more than a second to assess the situation, he knelt down next to her. She reached for him as he wrapped one arm underneath her back and another under her knees.

       One second, she was on the ground, the cold tile floor searing every part of her body that touched it. The next she was in Daryl’s arms being carried down the hallway to their room.

       They were passing the stairs when Daryl yelled down, “Carl, Mika! Get the doctor!” The vibrations of his voice rumbled through his chest hitting her arm and torso. Beth heard shuffling somewhere downstairs before they entered the room. Her eyes were squeezed shut so the motion wouldn’t make her sicker. It wasn’t working very well, but she hadn’t thrown up yet, so she’d take it.

       The next thing she knew Daryl was placing her gently on the bed. He was getting ready to cover her with the sheet, but she caught his hand. She was shivering, but she was on fire. The thought of an extra piece of cloth touching her skin made her want to rip it off. Her wet hair wasn’t doing her any favors either. A hollow moan slipped past her lips when she tried to wipe it away from her, as searing pain went through her entire body.

       Daryl caught on. His warm hand caressed her face and neck as he pushed her hair away from her. Beth finally looked up at him. He looked helpless. The fear she saw in his face earlier had invaded his entire body. He couldn’t sit still. Every part of his body was tensed up. When he finally saw her looking at him, he knelt down next to the bed so they were face to face. No words were spoken as he placed his hand on her cheek, running his thumb back and forth.

       A bang downstairs got their attention. Daryl turned his head towards the noise, but kept his hand on her. Shuffling could be heard on the stairs and eventually another person entered the room. Beth couldn’t turn to look, but Daryl got up and approached them. She figured out soon enough who it was.

       “What’s wrong with her?” Daryl asked, clearly agitated.

       Denise finally entered Beth’s view, carrying a bag that she carefully placed on the floor, “She’s burnt out. When someone pushes their body past what its capable of and then keeps pushing, this is what happens. The other two are experiencing it too. Thought they’d been bit at first.”

       Beth couldn’t see Daryl, but she could hear him pacing, “Fuckin’ do somethin’ then.”

       “There’s not much I can do,” Denise replied, her voice soft like she was talking to a wild animal about to snap. In a way, she was. Daryl would never hurt anyone that didn’t deserve it, but when he was afraid, he lashed out. “Beth, what’s the worst? Headache, chills, stomach, or is it just everything?”

       Beth’s teeth chattered as she answered, “Skins on fire. Shivers…”

       Denise turned back to Daryl, “You need to get her some water and make sure she stays hydrated. The hot shower she took probably only made this worse.” She vaguely heard Daryl’s voice in the background talking to someone else outside of the room. Denise focused back on her, “I know this is really shitty, but its going to be over soon. Your other two friends are in the infirmary going through the same thing.”

       Two? Not three? Did Tina not make it? The questions flew through Beth’s mind all at once. How could she not have remembered to ask?

       “Tina?” Beth whispered.

       “Unconscious, but alright for now. If you hadn’t done what you did, she would be dead. Michonne was able to make a clean cut just below the elbow. Decided to cut a bit higher just to be safe.” Denise seemed to be trying to get her mind off the pain. Her voice was soothing, but it was her words that really brought her comfort. Relief filled Beth. Surprisingly, it was mostly for Dwight and Sherry. They both seemed one lose away from snapping. All the pain in her body suddenly seemed less dire. It was still immense, but the weight of it was lighter somehow.

       Daryl walked up next to Denise, kneeling back down in front of her. A glass of water in his hand. Even for the few minutes he was out of view, she ached for him. It was like an invisible tether flowed between them. It used to be faint, but now it was stronger and there was no going back. And she never wanted to go back anyway. Even though her nerves were fried, she could still feel his lips on hers. If she could tattoo the feeling on her brain, she would.

       Beth reached for the glass, her hand still shaking, but Daryl moved her hand away. He brought the glass to her lips himself, tipping it up ever so slightly. Cool water exploded in her mouth. She hadn’t realized how dry her throat was until the water cleansed it on the way down. She took another few sips until the strength required to hold her head up was too much.

       “Try to drink as much as you can before you go to sleep. The more you drink the better you’ll feel after you wake up,” Denise said, as she stood and gestured for Daryl to follow her out into the hallway. Murmuring flowed from the hallway into the room, but she couldn’t make out any words. There was a nagging feeling that settled in her bones.

       Daryl returned to her side not long after. The question that had been plaguing her poured from her trembling lips, “The horde?”

       “Ain’t nothin’ ta worry ‘bout. We’ll handle it.”

       “Lyin’ don’t suit you,” she repeated his words back to him from weeks ago.

       He lifted the glass of water to her lips again before he answered, “Wouldn’t lie to ya. You know that.”

       She gulped down more water this time, “The walls gonna hold?”

       “For now.”

       And that was the end of that. If Beth wanted to help fix her mistake, she had to get better as soon as possible. So, she drank the rest of the water. It wasn’t until she forced down three more glasses that she finally allowed herself to rest. As she drifted off, Daryl’s comforting presence surrounding her, she heard a familiar voice in the hallway. Maggie.

       There was a dip in the bed behind her when she heard, “Bethie…I’m here.”

       Beth opened her eyes to see Daryl sitting in a chair across from her, keeping an eye on her like his life depended on it. She couldn’t turn around to face her sister, too afraid the pain would come back full force, but she felt her supportive presence at her back. “Maggie…” Beth whispered, an overwhelming sense of release tore through her chest. The two people she loved more than anything were here. Alive and together. This is what she’d been missing. Every time she put herself back together behind closed doors, she was putting a band aid on a bullet hole. She didn’t need to hide and she didn’t need to do any of it alone.

       Beth didn’t need to suffer in silence anymore.

Notes:

It's here! We made it! Some of you thought I'd be so cruel and separate Daryl and Beth for chapters. How could you think so lowly of me, for shame lol!

The scene you have all been waiting for is finally here and I hope it lived up to expectations. I had written the scene a little bit ago and I am so happy with how it turned out! Having to leave Beth behind was the push Daryl needed to finally let go of everything that's been holding him back.

Important Note: I want to acknowledge and highlight the importance of the scene after the big kiss scene. That whole bathroom sequence was probably one of the most important scenes I've written for this story. I wanted to show how difficult it is to ask for help and how difficult it is to let the people you love see you at your lowest. Beth is struggling constantly with many things and a big one is not feeling like she deserves to ask for help. This is a HUGE step for her. Asking for help is one of the bravest things anyone can do.

So, I hope you loved the first kiss scene, but I think I may love the scene that came after even more. It's grim and dark, but there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Beth asked for help :)

This chapter is nothing but big steps in the right direction. Daryl embraces his love for Beth, but he also reigns in his fear when Beth is sick. He snaps at Denise, but he redirects his "fear that turns to anger" by sending someone to get Maggie. When he didn't know what to do or how to handle the siltation, he got Maggie. Daryl also asked for help in his own way. This chapter is a turning point for everyone, but especially Beth and Daryl.

All the love! See you next Sunday!

Chapter 19: Make Things Right

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Happy Sunday! I have brought you a fluff filled chapter. I've been hitting you all with a ton of angst, so I think this was a well-deserved break.

Come chat with me in the comments and I'll see you next Sunday!

As usual, all my thoughts and explanations will be in the end notes. All the love <3

       Beth could feel him. Even in the darkness while everyone was asleep, she could still feel him. She always knew when he was around. If she reached out into the darkness, she wondered if he would feel her too. As her eyes adjusted to the room around her, Daryl came into view. He was asleep in the chair across from her, not having moved from when she’d last saw him. Beth wasn’t sure how long it had been, but her mouth and throat were dry again.

       She tested her pain levels by carefully stretching out her legs. Her face scrunched up in a wince. The pain was no longer otherworldly and unbearable. Her legs were sore and crampy, but her skin wasn’t on fire and she was no longer trembling. She slowly sat up, letting her body adjust to the movement. She was sore in places she hadn’t known someone could be sore, but she was able to move. All the sharp pain from before was now an ache. The edge to it gone. Beth glanced over her shoulder to check on Maggie. Her sister was laying on her side, hand outstretched between them. Tears prickled her eyes at the sight, as a wave of immense gratitude overwhelmed her.

       Her hand wiped away the stray tear as she grabbed onto the night stand next to the bed and stood up. It took her a second to not feel dizzy and she realized she hadn’t eaten since breakfast yesterday. She’d add it to the list of things she had to do after she made it downstairs. Beth grabbed the empty glass on the table and started taking small steps across the room. She looked to Daryl. He was still asleep. His hair fell across his forehead and cheeks, obscuring his face, but Beth didn’t need to see his face. She had already memorized the way he looked. She’d never seen him relaxed, except when he was asleep.

       A selfish want crept into her as she watched him. She wanted to crawl into his lap and never leave. Wanted his arms to wrap around her and hold her to his chest. Wanted to feel his lips on hers again, just as desperate to consume her as she was him. Warmth spread through her body. Heating up her cheeks, flushing her chest, and settling in her core. An onslaught of things she’d pushed down for so long invaded her mind. Flashes of his hands gripping her waist, hers in his hair, his mouth on her neck.

       Beth shook her head, letting out a long-drawn-out breath through her nose. She gathered herself, wiping the images from her mind, and got together some of her clothes. She exited the room as silently as possible, putting on her clothes out in the hall to avoid waking up Daryl and Maggie. Once she was clothed, she moved slowly, taking only small steps. When she got to the stairs, she leaned a lot of her weight on the rail as she descended. She could handle the soreness. It was the cramping that was starting to frustrate her.

       When she finally made it to the kitchen, she made a beeline to the sink and filled her cup. Beth brought it to her lips and gulped it down, immediately filling her glass for a second. It wasn’t until she’d gotten through three glasses that she finally felt satisfied. She scrounged around for some leftover food and settled for a can of what she could only describe as sloppy joe mix. By the time she finished, the dizziness had subsided a great deal and the cramping was slowly disappearing. It left her with an immensely sore body, but it was miles ahead of where she was yesterday.

       An urge suddenly hit her and like her body was being pulled by a string, she followed it. Beth threw some shoes on, grabbed a knife from the kitchen, and walked out the front door. A cool breeze hit her immediately when she stepped foot on the porch, but that wasn’t the only thing that hit her. A wall of sound pummeled into her. The usual singing of the cicadas and the frogs were long gone. In its place was a cacophony of roars, groans, and moans, a sick orchestral piece composed by the dead. Beth was surprised she hadn’t heard it before she stepped outside.

       She had to see it.

       The half-moon lit up the streets of Alexandria just enough to safely walk through without a light. Beth descended the steps, making her way to the gates. Someone was bound to be on watch. There was no way Rick or Deanna hadn’t set up shifts yet. As she approached, she felt sicker and sicker. This was her fault. She led them here. The sounds of the horde got louder as she got closer to the gate. She made a right turn and there it was. She couldn’t see through the mesh of the linked fence, but she could she the silhouettes of the walkers.

       Her feet brought her closer until she was only a few feet away. Beth glanced up to see the back of Tyreese’s head. He hadn’t noticed her and she was grateful. She didn’t want to talk. Didn’t want people asking her if she was alright. This was her fault. The pain she suffered was the least she deserved for bringing hell to the walls of their home. If anyone died because of the horde, that death would be on her.

       All of it was on her. And she had to make it right.

 

 

 

       Daryl woke with a start. He blinked away the sleep from his eyes, letting the room around him come into view. He had fallen asleep in the chair. His legs tingled with numbness and an uncomfortable crick in his neck kept him from turning his head too far to the left. He shifted carefully, giving his body time to wake. The room was still dark, but it had to have been at least a few hours since he first fell asleep. When he glanced back to the bed, his body tensed up. There was a vacant spot where Beth was supposed to be. Maggie was still asleep on the other side of the bed, but Beth was gone.

       Worst case scenarios flew through his mind, as he hastily stood up. Everything he felt yesterday came back all at once. Where was she? Daryl exited the room, thinking the bathroom was the most likely option, but the door was wide open. Panic started creeping in. He grabbed his knife at his hip for reassurance as he made his way downstairs. Something in him settled when he walked into the kitchen. An empty glass and can of food were sitting on the counter. If she could eat, she must’ve been feeling better, but where was she?

       Daryl was making his way to the living room when movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. A blur of blonde hair swept past the window outside. He immediately knew it was Beth. She was going to see the horde.

       “Shit…”

       By the time he made it to the front door, she’d already disappeared around the corner. He made his way to the gate, keeping his distance in case she just wanted to be alone. For a split second, a thought crossed his mind. One filled with mirror shards and bloody wrists. He shoved it aside. Beth would never do that. Not again. She chose to fight.

       When he turned the corner, he saw her standing in front of the gates. Her back was to him, but he could tell from the way Beth’s body curled in on itself, she was blaming herself for something that would’ve happened sooner or later. Daryl approached her slowly, his footsteps drowned out by the moans of the walkers. He was about to call out to her when she turned towards him. She stopped in her tracks when she saw him.

       Daryl watched how her hair fluttered in the wind and how even the warm breeze made her lower lip tremble slightly. She continued walking towards him. As she brushed past him, she guided her hand into his and they walked back to the house letting the silence rest between them. He let himself be drawn by her. She was always so confident in her affection towards him even when there were judgmental eyes around them. Beth never cared what anyone thought. That was all him and now everything he was worried about seemed like pointless bullshit. He had almost lost her. What would he have done then? He would’ve been filled with nothing, but unrelenting grief and regret.

       They ended up back on the porch of the house. The sky was still dark, but it was slowly starting to go from black to dark blue. He helped lower her onto the steps. Her wince of pain telling him enough about how sore she probably was. He could still see the guilt eating away at her.

       “That ain’t on you.” He nodded his head towards the direction of the horde.

       She faintly shook her head, “It is. I led 'em here.”

       “They were already headed here an’ ya know it,” he pushed.

       Beth’s blue eyes were wide as she watched him, taking in his words, “It’s not just that. I saw the group Sherry an’ Dwight were runnin’ from. They’re organized. Powerful. When I saw ‘em, it crossed my mind to leave ‘em behind. Keep ‘em away from Alexandria. It was just for a second, but I couldn’t shake the feelin’ that our luck’s gonna run out.”

       Daryl could see where this was going, “Woulda left all three’a them ta get you on the bike. An’ that ain’t just a thought that crossed my mind. It’s the truth. If that makes me a bad person, I can live with that.” He wanted to reach out a touch her, “You ain’t gotta feel guilty ‘bout that. An’ those assholes. We’ll deal with ‘em if we have to.”

       A spark emerged behind Beth’s eyes. He saw it as she tilted her head towards him. That look alone made something in his gut stir. “All I could think ‘bout was gettin’ back ta you. To keep my promise,” a smirk started to form on her lips, “An’ if you’re gonna kiss me like that every time we’re separated, maybe I need ta do it more often.”

       Something possessive and dark reared its head. Something that wanted to pull her to him and keep her in his sights at all times, “Don’t joke ‘bout that shit. Still ain’t forgiven ya.”

       “Yeah, ya have,” Beth responded, not even an ounce of uncertainty in her voice. Her smile washed away any residual fear building up inside him, but that greedy need to keep her all to himself remained. It was a new feeling for him. He was so used to being on his own. Never needing anyone. Now, everything was different. She changed everything.

       “Like ya said, ain’t have ta worry. You made a promise.”

       “I made a promise a long time ago an’ it seems ta be workin’ out so far,” Beth replied.

       His eyebrows raised ever so slightly, giving her a questioning look, “What?”

       “I wasn’t gonna be just another dead girl. Not to anyone an’ especially not ta you.”

       Words from the past echoed through his head: I know ya look at me an’ ya just see another dead girl. Guilt poured into him. He glanced at the Beth next to him and knew that wasn’t what he saw anymore, but she had been right. After the prison, he couldn’t hear her. Couldn’t see her. Every time he looked at her all he was reminded of was his failure. He stopped looking for the Governor and her dad was dead because of it. I know ya look at me an’ ya just see another dead girl.

       That’s how he had seen her. As someone else to lose. He’d told her exactly that, but it wasn’t true. Not anymore. Now, when he looked at Beth, instead of seeing his failures, he saw everything he’d ever done right. He saw all the decisions that led him to this point. To her. He saw the way people lit up after they talked to her. How she still hung on to hope even when it was harder than just giving up. He saw one of the strongest people he knew. He saw someone he’d tear the world apart for. She could never be just another dead girl.

       “Don’t need ta promise nothin’. You ain’t ever gonna be that. Not ta anyone here.”

       “An’ you?”

       “You know the answer ta that.”

       “What if I wanna hear it again?” Beth asked, clearly trying to pull it from his lips. And he found that he didn’t mind.

       He watched her, letting the question hang in the air. Her eyes were bright and expecting. The way the corner of her lips curled upward caused a dimple to form on the left side of her cheek. He wanted to run his hands through her hair that fell down around her face. She was beautiful.

       “I love ya, girl.” He let the words roll off his tongue without reservation. He watched the small grin on her face transform into one of the brightest smiles he’d seen on her in a while. And he loved that for once, he was the one that put it there. His eyes drifted from her eyes to her mouth down to her lap. A deep satisfaction filled him when he saw her thighs squeezed together.

       Beth hand reached out and slid from his jaw and rested on his neck. She closed the distance. Before he knew it, her lips were on his. Daryl’s pulse erupted just like the first time. This was far softer, but he still wanted more. Everything about her was warm, except her hands. They were like ice as they rested against him. He could feel the grin on her lips as she kissed him. It was still as surreal to him as it was the first time, like he’d eventually wake up and realize none of it was real.

       She pulled away too soon and from the flush on her cheeks he knew she felt the same. “Ya had ta throw the ‘girl’ in there, didn’t ya?”  

       The corners of his lips tugged upward, “Mhm.”

       “Who’s the tease now?”

       His voice came out low as he said, “Ain’t the only one who can make someone squirm. Been ‘round longer than you.”

       The surprise on Beth’s face told him how little he’d ever let his crude thoughts come out without any hesitation or questioning. She made him feel safe. And after everything they’ve been through, he didn’t feel the need to hold back when it came to that. At least not completely. There were still parts of himself he couldn’t let her see, but now wasn’t the time. He just wanted to get her to stop thinking about everything outside the walls.

       There was a challenge in her eyes, “Alright, Mr. Dixon. Bein’ smug don’t suit ya.”

       “It suits ya.”

       “Daryl!” A staggered laugh left her lips. It rang through the air and settled somewhere in his chest, warming him from head to toe. He’d give a lot to hear that sound more often.

       They rested in the comfortable silence between them. Things were a lot lighter than they had been in a long time, even with a horde twelve deep outside the walls. She was here and she was alive. Their group was alive. That’s what mattered.

       He started to stand up, pulling her up with him, “Come on.”

       Daryl wrapped his arm around her waist, supporting most of her weight, as they entered the house. The creaking of their door alerted them to Maggie exiting their room. When she saw them, she smirked, “If ya’ll wanted ta be alone, all ya had ta do was ask.”

       A part of Daryl recoiled, but a newer part of him didn’t feel the need to hide from Maggie anymore. Not since their conversation. Maybe one day he wouldn’t feel uncomfortable at the thought of Maggie seeing them together, but he still struggled with it. He still faintly heard Merle’s voice in his head whispering all his worst fears, but it wasn’t as loud anymore.

       “Don’t worry. I woulda kicked ya out myself,” Beth responded, ever the smartass.

       Maggie placed a kiss on her sister’s head, a note of seriousness entering her tone, “I woke up an’ you were gone. Had me worried there for a second,” she turned to look at him, “Then, I saw you were gone too. Figured you’d be with her.” He nodded, understanding that Maggie trusted him with Beth’s safety.

       “Sorry. Didn’t mean to worry ya,” Beth said, genuine sincerity in her voice.

       Maggie shook her head, “No, you go get some rest. God knows what ya’ll been up to—”

       "Maggie!” Beth whisper yelled, trying to keep her voice down. Daryl stayed quiet, not knowing what to do in this situation. The Greene sisters were a whole other beast that he was not about to get in middle of.

       The older Greene sister smiled, as she walked past going towards her and Glenn’s room, “Glenn and I gotta a shift at the wall. I don’t wanna see ya out of bed before noon, Beth. I’m serious.”

       She disappeared behind the door across the hall. Beth shook her head to herself, as they entered their room. Daryl carefully placed her back on the bed. He looked to the chair briefly, before he joined her. She curled into him immediately, fitting against him like she belonged there. And she did.

 

 

~

 

 

       “We do this in teams,” Rick’s voice commanded the room, “The walls will hold for now, but there’s too many’a them to take out on our own. We lead as many of them as we can away. An’ we take care’a the rest. Deanna’s already assigned shift. We need watch points twenty-four seven in case one of the walls goes down.”

       Beth was on Deanna’s couch, holding Judith. She’d practically threatened her sister to let her leave the house. Most of Alexandria were squeezed into Deanna’s living room, listening to the plan Rick and a couple others had come up with. After last night, she was feeling less hopeless. Her family was prepared. They’d get through this together.

       “How do you expect any of us to get out there to lead them away? It would be suicide,” Carter spoke up. His eyes were frightened, but hard.

       “We go through ‘em,” Rick responded, his words settled over the Alexandrians. Beth saw a wave of confusion go through everyone, except their group. “We’ve done it before. We only need ta make it far enough, then we can find sum workin’ cars an’ lead ‘em away. It won’t get all of them, but enough so we can take out the rest.”

       “And you’re just going to what? Walk out the front gate?”

       Rick nodded towards Deanna, who unrolled something along the table, “There’s a sewer system underneath the neighborhood. Leads out to an area with less walkers.”

       Before the meeting, their group sat down together. Rick told them the plan long before any of the Alexandrians knew. He made it clear that if anyone objected, they wouldn’t do it. They’d find another way, but Beth couldn’t see another way. The walls wouldn’t hold forever, even with the reinforcements Tobin and Carter put up. Rick offered them all an out, but this had become their home. And nobody was going to take that from them.

       Carter questioned, “So, who’s going out there? None of us have walked with the rotters before.”

       A quietness settled over the room as Rick pinched the skin between his eyebrows and finally looked back out into the crowded room, “It’ll be me, Daryl, Michonne, Glenn, and Beth. We’ve done it before, so this is how it’s gotta be.”

       They’d talked about this already. The minute she heard Rick’s plan she knew she had to go. Maggie was distraught that both her and her husband would be out there risking it all, but she understood it had to be done. No one else could do it but them. This was how she made things right.

Notes:

So, originally, this chapter was going to be the "executing the plan" chapter, but I think there needed to be some breathing room. It didn't feel right to hit you guys with a couple day time jump and into the maneuvering of the horde. I wanted you guys to see a little bit of Daryl's thought process after everything that happened because there's definitely a pretty big shift there.

Daryl had a big "come to God" moment during those hours he was waiting for Beth to come back. A lot of regret and guilt and self hatred for leaving her behind. If this was season 3 or 4 Daryl, he would have distanced himself from Beth instead of going to her, but Daryl has had a lot of development in this story. I think we're past the point where he continues to pull away from her. And you can see that in his thought process here. He still holds himself back a lot, but he no longer feels ashamed or guilty for loving Beth.

We haven't gotten any playful banter in awhile and I think it was needed. Daryl is stepping out of his comfort zone, but he's doing it to take Beth's mind away from the horde and her guilt. He's also different when they're alone. He's more comfortable and less guarded, so there's that too. There's some heat between them for sure, but anything like that will still be a little ways off.

You guys get a bit of a glimpse of the plan for the horde. As I said before, I was originally going to enact the plan in this chapter, but that seemed too much. We needed a little bit of fluff! Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this down time because we're going to be back at it again next Sunday!

Chapter 20: Something to Live For

Notes:

Happy Sunday everyone! I hope you all are doing well. I can't believe we're on chapter 20 already!

I hope you all enjoy. Come chat with me in the comments. I also have a question for you in the end notes before all my ramblings.

All the love <3

       Beth let the moans of the walkers drown out all the thoughts in her head. The sun was out, so everyone was busy reinforcing the walls. She was bouncing Judith on her hip, humming softly in her ear. She’d grown so much. Alexandria was good for her. For all of them. So, Beth would do what needed to be done so this place stayed standing.

       Judith reached for her braid, but missed and her hand ended up on her cheek. Beth turned her face to kiss her hand and she giggled. It was an odd mix of sounds. A baby’s giggle with a horde of walkers in the background. It almost didn’t faze her anymore. “You’re gonna be the strongest of us all,” Beth told her, hugging Judith close.

       Approaching footsteps brought her out of her daze. Dwight came to stand next to her. He looked better than he had when they first found him. More color on his face. Beth thought he looked less broken too, “How’re ya feelin’? How’re Sherry an’ Tina?”

       “Better than we’ve been in a long time. Enough to do our part,” he answered.

       “You talked ta Rick an’ Deanna?”

       “Yeah. And Daryl. Gonna be on the wall. Sherry’s gonna be on the gate,” he paused, turning towards her, “He always that…tense?”

       Beth smiled, “Who? Rick or Daryl?”

       “Both.”

       Amused by his question, she answered, “They’ve been through a lot. Have a hard time trustin’ anyone, but they’ll come around. Everyone will.”

       “This place…you were right. The people here are still how they used to be. Didn’t believe you when you first told us.”

       “We didn’t either when we first came here. They were livin’ in a bubble. Hadn’t been touched by anythin’ outside these walls. They had to learn the hard way just like we did.”

       Dwight’s face fell slightly, “It’s rare. Places like this. You know they’ll be comin’ for you eventually.”

       A pit opened up in her stomach. Another threat was always on the horizon, “I know. An’ we’ll deal with it when it comes. An’ when we get through this, any information ya have on ‘em would be helpful. You’re welcome ta stay in Alexandria, but I’d understand if ya’ll wanted ta get as far away from here as ya can.”

       Out of the corner of her eye, Beth could see Dwight staring at her, “Everyone else alright with that?”

       Beth had already debriefed with both Deanna and Rick. She was adamant that they were offered a place here. Part of it was strategic, she will admit. They had insider information about this other group that would likely become a threat, but it was mostly because she knew they were good people. It was the right thing to do. They deserved this place just as much as the rest of them. It momentarily crossed her mind that they could be plants for the other community, but the fear she saw in their eyes was real. They were afraid and running out of options.

       “Yes. This place can be whatever you’d like it to be. A stop along your journey or…home,” Beth finally said. Judith started wiggling in her arms, getting antsy, “Gotta take this one back ta the house ‘fore she throws a fit. Tell Sherry an’ Tina I’ll come visit before I leave.”

       “When do you leave?”

       “Tomorrow mornin’.”

       Dwight nodded, “Alright. We’ll hold down the fort while you all are gone.”

       We. He said we. Maybe it was nothing or maybe they had already decided to stay and call this place home. He left before she could ask, joining Aidan, Tobin, and Carter in reinforcing the wall. Beth bounced Judith all the way home.

       The minute she opened the door she was greeted with voice from the kitchen. Beth spotted Mika in the living room and went to her.

       “Hey Mika, who’s here?” she asked as she placed Judith in her play pin.

       Mika looked up from the book she was reading on the couch, “Aaron and Rick and Michonne.”

       She dove back into her book, not at all bothered by the commotion going on. Beth placed a kiss on Mika’s head, before saying, “You mind watchin’ Judith for a second?”

       “Sure.”

       Beth left them together and made her way into the kitchen. Aaron was facing Rick, his tone serious as he spoke, “I’m going. I know the area better than anyone and I know where we could find some cars. So, I’m going.” He left no room for debate. Beth looked to Rick, who briefly glanced between Beth and Michonne.

       Aaron wanted to come with them. There were many pros and cons. However, if Aaron could lead them to some working cars quicker than them just scavenging, it would be worth the risk of bringing someone that had never walked through walkers.

       Rick tilted his head, watching him carefully, before turning towards her and Michonne. He was looking for confirmation that they were fine with this. They both gave imperceptible nods and he finally answered, “Alright. Gotta talk with Deanna an’ Maggie.”

       “Already done,” Aaron said.

       “Good. We leave tomorrow mornin’ at sunrise.”

       Beth smiled at Aaron; glad he was coming. Of all the people of Alexandria, Aaron had been out there the most. She knew he wouldn’t cave. He left out the front door, closing it softly behind him. Judith started crying from the other room as soon as the door closed, no doubt needing to be fed. Beth got up to get her, but Rick stopped her.

       “I got it. Rest up for tomorrow,” he said, using what Beth liked to call his stern ‘leader’ voice.

       Michonne rounded the kitchen island, leaning forward on her elbows, “How are you feeling?”

       “I’m fine. An’ I’ll be even better tomorrow,” she replied, trying her best to sound confident.

       Michonne eyed her, “You talk to Maggie yet?”

       Beth shook her head. Everything from yesterday morning coming back.

           

 

       “Beth, are ya crazy? You could barely move yesterday!” Maggie whirled around towards Rick, “I can go. Why’s this even a discussion?”

       Beth spoke up before Rick could get his head bitten off again, “I’ve done this before, Maggie. I’ll be more useful out there than in here.”

       The room was dead quiet even though all of them were crammed into the living room. Abraham was looking between Maggie and Beth like he was watching a tennis match. Daryl was standing behind the couch she was sitting on, offering her silent support. Even though he didn’t want Beth out there, his desire to keep her by his side overpowered that fear. Plus, he knew she wasn’t going to back down from this.

       “You could easily be with Gabriel, Tyreese, Rosita, and Carol. You’d be just as useful. Ya don’t need ta be throwin’ herself into God knows what at only half strength,” Maggie argued.

       She knew her sister was scared, but reprimanding her in front of everyone was starting to become irksome, “We’re leavin’ in two days. I’ll be fine by then. An’ I’m not backin’ down from this. Not when I’m perfectly capable of takin’ care’a myself.”

       Maggie stared at Beth, frustration and fear melting into defeat. She finally turned her gaze to Daryl, “You’re okay with this?”

       It was a pointed question, one that was steeped in guilt. It was unfair and out of line, but she could see the moment the question left Maggie’s lips she immediately regretted them. Beth felt the need to defend Daryl. This wasn’t about him. She needed to do this for herself. For Alexandria.

       Daryl spoke, before she could regain her composure, “Nah, but I ain’t gonna try ta stop her neither.”

       Maggie nodded, clearly perturbed that she’d even asked that question in the first place, “I…I can’t.” She walked out of the room without another word. Beth wanted to follow her, but Glenn beat her to it. A look passed between them, like he was saying: I got this. She watched him disappear into the other room. Beth made a mental note to talk to Maggie later. She had to set things right with her before she left.

       A moment of silence cascaded through the group, until Rick finally spoke. He reiterated the plan, “Alright, Rosita, Carol, Gabriel, Tyreese, an’ Eugene, you all will lead the teams at the gates. Abraham, Tara, Sasha. Ya’ll will cover the wall. You’re our best shots and I’m not gonna put someone untrained up there an’ risk everyone. Maggie an’ Deanna are gonna be command. The rest’a us are goin’ out,” he paused, looking around at everyone, “If anyone disagrees, I wanna know now.”

 

 

       “She loves you and just wants you to be safe,” Michonne said, breaking Beth from her trance.

       “I know.” And she did. Beth wasn’t angry at Maggie. She loved her sister and didn’t want to leave her. There was a huge responsibility on her shoulders that was separate from the horde. She now had to make sure Glenn came back in one piece too. If Maggie lost Glenn, she’d never forgive herself even in the grave. Now, she had to drum up the courage to say goodbye too and those were getting harder and harder nowadays.

       Michonne must have sensed a shift in the mood, as she spiraled in her own head, because she changed the subject, “How ‘bout Daryl?”

       Beth turned to see her looking pointedly at her, “What do ya mean?”

       “Heard you two had quite the…reunion,” she elaborated with a smirk on her face.

       A grin tugged at the corner of her lips, “News travels fast. Shoulda known. Lived in a small town my whole life. No one can keep anythin’ to themselves. But wasn’t like we were tryin’ ta hide it anyway. Everyone we love already seemed ta know.”

       “Sorry I missed it.”

       A question popped into Beth’s mind, “How long have ya known?”

       She responded so nonchalantly, “Since the minute you two found us at the house in Georgia.”

       A surprised sound escaped Beth, “What?”

       Michonne laughed, “You two were never subtle.”

       “Thought at that point it was only on my end,” Beth replied more to herself than Michonne.

       She shook her head, “No, it most definitely wasn’t. Glad he finally figured his shit out.”

       A surge of confidence went through Beth. She always thought he hadn’t felt anything for her until later, but hearing the opposite made her rethink every interaction they’d had before and after the prison fell. How long had those feelings been brewing? Did it even matter now? All that mattered was they had each other.

       Michonne had offered her something special, so maybe she could do the same in return. So, she flipped the tables, “An’ you and Rick? Ain’t like ya’ll are subtle either.”

       A genuine look of surprised crossed Michonne’s face, like she hadn’t even considered the possibility until now. There was no coyness in her response, just a sense of perturbance, “Haven’t thought about it. We’ve been dealing with one thing after another…”

        “I didn’t mean to overstep. Thought ya both knew… All I know is ya both deserve to be happy,” Beth replied. Approaching footsteps halted their conversation as Rick walked into the kitchen with Judith. Mika was hot on his tail. It reminded her of ducklings following around their mother. She thought it was true what they said: It takes a village to raise a child. Beth was happy to be a part of it.

       “I can feed Judith,” Mika said to Rick, pulling the puppy dog eyes out.

       Rick sighed, “No. Ya need ta eat too and then go to trainin’ with Carol and Rosita.”

       “Can I feed her dinner?” she countered. Beth and Michonne watched the exchange with bright eyes.

       “Deal,” Rick agreed as he got out food for both the girls.

       As he prepared the meal, Mika swiveled in her chair towards Beth and Michonne, “Can one of you braid my hair for training?”

       Michonne gestured towards Beth as she rounded the island and took Judith from Rick so he could prepare the food quicker. She smiled at Mika, “Tilt your head back a little.”

       Mika did as she was told and Beth started combing her fingers through her hair before splitting it. It reminded her of when Maggie used to do her hair. When she was younger, she had a hard time french braiding her own hair, so every Saturday morning she would ask Maggie to do it for her. Now she was in Maggie’s position. The urge to talk to her sister became stronger and by the time she was finished, she had to find her. Procrastination was over.

       “Have ya seen Maggie recently?” Beth asked the room.

       “Last I saw her she was with Deanna,” Rick replied.

 

 

 

       Beth made her way to Deanna’s house, suddenly very eager to see her sister. As she turned up to the front of the house, she saw Aidan leaving. He looked exhausted. Not the kind of exhausted that was just from not sleeping. It was the kind where living had become a chore. She knew that feeling all too well. It sometimes still felt like that.

       “Aidan,” she nodded her head towards him as way of greeting. She refused to ask him how he was because she knew how draining that question became after a while. The fogginess cleared from his face after he realized he was being spoken to.

       “Beth. What’re you doing here?” he asked.

       A month ago, that question probably would have had an edge to it, now it was all just curiosity. “Lookin’ for my sister. Is she in there?”

       “Yeah. With my mom in the office.”

       She gave him a small smile as thanks.

       His voice stopped her at the second porch step. “Hey… I’ve been making my rounds lately. Apologizing for what an asshole I was to you guys,” he paused, looking at her, “I just wanted to say, you guys were right. We weren’t ready. I knew the minute we went on our first run with Glenn.”

       Beth felt bad for him. He looked defeated and fatigued. He looked how she looked after her mama. She couldn’t offer him piece of mind or tell him it would get easier. It wouldn’t, but it would make him stronger, “You’re not alone. Everythin’ you’re feelin’. Everythin’ you’re goin’ through. We went through it too. All of us. This won’t break you. It’ll show ya what you’re fightin’ for.”

       A mystified look crossed his face. He glanced over his shoulder, before replying, “I’ve heard some of the stories. Not sure if any of them are true, but from the little I’ve heard, how are any of you guys still standing?”

       A wave of sadness washed over her. All the faces of the people they lost along the way flashed through her mind. Her daddy, her mama, Shawn, Otis, Patricia, Sophia, Lori, Andrea, Bob. The list was never ending. “Not all’a us are.”

       “But you still keep going?”

       Beth smiled, “Yeah. I found something to live for.”

       And one of them was inside. She turned and walked up into the house. Soft voices welcomed her as she entered. She followed them to the back of the house. The double doors to the office were wide open. Beth knocked against them regardless, to make her presence known. Deanna and Maggie both turned to her, a smile forming on the former.

       “Sorry to interrupt. Could I talk with Maggie?” Beth asked.

       Deanna got up immediately, “Of course. I needed a break anyway. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.”

       She patted Beth’s shoulder as she passed, closing the doors behind her. She turned to Maggie. There was a look of shame on her face. Beth immediately closed the distance and threw her arms around her sister. Maggie whispered into her hair, “I’m so sorry, Beth.”

       “Don’t. It’s alright,” Beth pulled away, but kept close, “Couldn’t leave without makin’ it right.”

       “You don’t gotta make anythin’ right.”

       “We’ll protect each other. Glenn and I. I promise,” Beth vowed. A weight lifted off her heart when Maggie nodded. She could leave now.

 

 

~

 

           

       “Try to stay together, but it’s better to get separated than bit.”

       Beth adjusted the gun strapped to her back, making sure it rested snuggly and wouldn’t jostle. The cut-up sheets they were all wearing had been soaked in guts overnight. It would mask them better, but it also reduced the chance of rain getting rid of the scent, if it came to that. She remembered the smell from last time, so she wrapped a bandana around her mouth. She knew it wouldn’t do much, but it was better than nothing.

       “If we get separated, ya’ll know where to meet up… Ready?”

       Rick looked around at them all, a determined look on his face. Some people had started gathering around to send them off, Maggie being one of them. They all had already said their goodbyes. Carl was holding Judith who was resting sleepily on her brother’s shoulder. Carol gave them support with her silent strength. Deanna and Aidan were stood next to Maggie. Eric was standing next to Tara who was ready to enact the plan when the signal was given.

       Rick went down into the sewer first followed by Daryl, then Glenn and Michonne. Beth gave one last look to Maggie, before lowering herself down the ladder. The darkness consumed her. It was a lot farther down than she thought. Her eyes hadn’t adjusted, but as she neared what she guessed was the bottom a hand closed around her waist, keeping her steady as she stepped off. She didn’t need to ask. She knew it was Daryl. Beth stepped into him wanting to be close before it was no longer possible.

       The thunking of boots on metal told her Aaron was coming down. Once his feet touched the ground, the others were on the move. Beth and Aaron hung back by the opening, so they could give the signal when necessary. The sloshing of water echoed off the walls of the sewer. It eventually disappeared around the corner. She could still faintly hear the movement until it abruptly stopped altogether. Her heart rose into her throat. They were fine. Their scents were masked. They were fine.

       Not even a minute later a flash of light shown down the hallway. They’d found the exit. Aaron hit the ladder rhythmically five times. Aidan’s head appeared above. He nodded at them both and whispered, “Good luck.”

       He closed the sewer behind them. They followed the direction of the light. Beth faintly heard Maggie yell, “Now!” from above. It didn’t take long to reunite with the others. They were standing in front of the grate to the outside. Walkers milled about aimlessly. It wasn’t nearly as many as outside the gate, but enough that they had to wait for the diversion. Opening the grate would be loud and they needed time to get on the other side before the walkers closed in on them again.

       Loud bangs started sounding somewhere to the right. All the heads of the walkers turned towards it and ambled away. Their opening was small, so they had to be quick. Once most of the walkers had gone, Rick and Daryl opened the grate with a piercing screech. It echoed off the walls of the sewers, bouncing through them. Whatever was down here was about to be awake.

       They all filed through the small opening out into the horde. The screech sounded again as they closed the grate. Just like they planned, they all linked hands and started making their way to the woods. The walkers closed back in on them, drawn by the sound of the grate. Beth took one glance back at Alexandria and saw Maggie standing on the lookout with Sasha, Abraham, Tara, and Gabriel. She steeled herself. This was for them. They had to get this done one way or another.

 

 

 

       The sun was rising in front of them by the time they cleared the horde and put some distance between them. Aaron was leading them to a nearby neighborhood that was tucked away down some sprawling streets, hoping the area had been overlooked. Beth held her gun in her hands, keeping her eyes and ears open for anything suspicious. Knowing a group as big as the Saviors could be out here somewhere left her on edge, but they had to sacrifice stealth for speed. None of them were sure if the walls would hold and for how long. So, finding working cars sooner rather than later was the priority.

       It wasn’t long before they came upon the first road with houses along it. The neighborhood was heavily forested, which was great for them. Rick gathered the group, “Split up into pairs. We’re only lookin’ for cars. We don’t have time ta search the houses. Ten minutes an’ then meet back here whether ya have somethin’ or not.”

       They all nodded. Aaron and Glenn took the first house on the right. Rick and Michonne walked down the street a ways before turning into a driveway on the left. Beth spotted a driveway with a house that was set back further than all the rest. She nodded towards it and Daryl followed. They kept to the edges of the driveway, wanting to stay hidden from the house as long as possible. Once they got closer, Daryl lifted his crossbow to his shoulder, scanning the surrounding area. From what Beth could see, there were no cars in the driveway, but they could still check the garage.

       The house was a small ranch. It looked completely abandoned and her hopes weren’t high for a working car. Daryl made it to the garage first. She switched roles to lookout as he hefted the door open. It squeaked as it rolled up, emanating a loud sound throughout the neighborhood. She did one final scan before looking into the garage. To her disappointment, it was empty. However, Daryl walked over to the back corner and lifted up a red cannister. Gas. And from the sloshing noises, it was a relatively full cannister.

       He handed her the cannister and nodded his head back towards the road. They silently made their way to the next house to the left. It was a lot bigger than the last and there was a two-car garage instead of just one. As Beth watched his back, she saw Glenn and Aaron across the street. They were working on a car, but so far it wasn’t looking like it was going to start anytime soon. She heard Daryl grunt behind her before the garage door rolled up.

       “Gotta be kiddin’.”

       Beth turned at his exclamation to see a perfectly intact truck sitting on the far side of the garage. It was an older model, but it still looked decent. She realized pretty quickly that wasn’t what Daryl was talking about. Behind the truck, resting against the wall, was a motorcycle. He shook his head and went to the truck first as Beth scoured the garage for any car keys. She was looking through a tool bench when the telltale click sound of a car door opening rang through the room. Beth turned to see Daryl’s head disappear below the wheel.

       Of course, he didn’t need keys. Why would she think he needed keys? Beth thought, sarcastically. She rounded the car and came up next to him, keeping one eye on the road outside, but her gaze shifted to watch him work. Her thoughts drifted watching his hands work on the wiring. In another life, Beth had always imagined herself with someone like Jimmy or Zach, a goody two-shoes farm or college boy. They’d live in rural Georgia with their white picket fenced house and their two kids running around. And they’d grow old together. Now, she couldn’t remember what it felt like to want anyone other than Daryl. Everyone paled in comparison. She fully believed, even if the world hadn’t ended, they would have found each other eventually.

       Her vision of the future had changed considerably since then, but she found herself not entirely swayed away from the idea. It never occurred to her what would come after, but she realized it wasn’t all that different. She wanted everything with him. Maybe it wasn’t the white picket fence or the farm in Georgia, but she wouldn’t mind being a Dixon.

       The minute the thought crossed her mind it solidified in her heart. She wanted everything with him. Not now. It wouldn’t be anytime soon. She couldn’t even imagine the look on his face if she told him that, but it was a kernel of hope and light that she could selfishly keep to herself.

       The starting of the engine pulled Beth out of her thoughts. The ghost of a smile still on her lips. Daryl sat up looking at the gauge, “Good thing we found sum gas. Gonna need it soon.”

       Beth walked around the car to the passenger side and hopped in, “Will ya teach me how to do that?”

       Daryl started driving out of the garage and onto the road, “Shoulda taught ya a long time ago.”

       “There were more important things ta learn first,” she replied as they pulled up to the group. Beth was surprised to see Glenn and Aaron had gotten the car across the street to work. Rick and Michonne rejoined the group not too long after.

       Rick looked at both the cars, “Good. We head back an’ then take the herd East. The route is marked. We do this right an’ hopefully we won’t have ta do it again.”

       Beth hugged Michonne, Rick, and Aaron before they got into the old Buick. Daryl, Beth, and Glenn got into the truck, following after the other car. An uneasy feeling took over her. Something about this felt too easy. What were the odds they found working cars this close to Alexandria? Beth reminded herself that this was the easy part, but in this world, things never went to plan.

Notes:

Question: For fun, I created a playlist for this story (so basically a Bethyl playlist), would any of you be interested in me posting the link to it next chapter?

This chapter was a bit of fluff and the start of our plan to get rid of the horde. I had a few loose ends to tie up from last chapter, so this one is a bit longer, but we're getting started with the plan.

Beth has some interesting conversations with Dwight and Aidan. I am super curious to see what you guys think of those. And, of course, I had to add in some Michonne teasing because we haven't gotten Beth and Michonne in awhile.

Honestly, my favorite part of this chapter is Beth thought process while she's watching Daryl hot wire the truck. I think it's an interesting shift for her and its also another thing to add to the list of "Things to live for" hence the name of the chapter. In my mind, it wasn't a leap for Beth to get there emotionally. She's been feeling this way about Daryl for a long time, so she's sort of already at a place where it just seems logical. Not to mention, Beth was raised in a pretty religious household in the South, so I feel like marriage was very normal thing for her to be thinking about. Anyways, I'll talk about that a little more later :)

I wish you all the best! Let me know about the playlist and I'll see what I can do. See you next Sunday! All the love, as always <3

Chapter 21: Borrowed Time

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I would like to apologize in advance for this chapter. All I can say is: trust me. Everything happens for a reason.

Anyways, thank you for all the love this story has gotten. Writing this story and reading your comments are truly the highlights of my weeks.

For the few people that asked, here is the link to the playlist I created for this story: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0l4DlTiWseLaxa3jksjZKX?si=b8bd7af817274da1

I'll probably continue to add to it. Some of the songs represent Beth, some Daryl, and some are with certain scenes in mind. I hope you enjoy. Some of the songs are a bit cliché, but the lyrics just fit too well to not put them in.

As usual, all my thoughts and explanations will be in the end notes. Come chat with me in the comments! All the love <3

       Everything was momentarily still, like the calm before the storm. She couldn’t see how big the storm on the horizon was, but she could feel it. Beth knew she was on borrowed time. The minute the Governor swung the katana she knew time was precious. Since then, there wasn’t a moment she took for granted.

       She’d never asked for more time, knowing it was a pointless endeavor. But as the world stopped spinning, she prayed for more time. For another second. Another minute. Another lifetime. Another chance. Anything. All the guilt and all the pain. She’d take it all. Carry it all. She’d beg for it all.

       Then, he pulled the trigger. The bang of the bullet leaving the gun marked the end of her borrowed time. And she screamed.

 

 

~

 

 

       “Who told ya that?” Beth asked, floored.

       Glenn smirked, looking smug, “Maggie.”

       She scoffed, “She’s exaggeratin’. I never threw ‘em in the duck pond.”

       “I don’t know. There was definitely a pond involved. And from what I heard, a lot of screaming and crying.”

       She remembered the exact confrontation Glenn was talking about. Maggie had just come home for a visit from college. While Beth was putting away her sister’s bags, she found birth control in one of them. She couldn’t justify her reaction, but all she could remember was being freaked out by the whole idea of her sister and boys. So, she preceded to throw them in the pond. The situation ended with her, Maggie, and Shawn covered in mud and her lying to her daddy about what they were fighting about. Because even though Beth was angry and upset, she wasn’t about to throw her sister under the bus, but Maggie never let her live it down.

       Even though Glenn was using it to tease her, she considered it a fond memory now. Everything from before had become a fond memory. “I was young an’ naïve. And she should’ve hidden ‘em better,” Beth said with a smirk.

       “I knew it,” Glenn laughed.

       A comfortable lull fell between them. After morning became midday, the weather turned overcast. She couldn’t smell rain on the wind, not with the stench of the horde, but she learned anything could change at the drop of a hat. They’d all taken off their gutted sheets, but kept them handy just in case. They’d been driving for a little over four hours, if she had to guess. It was slow going, but effective so far. None of them would be sure how many they led away from Alexandria until they got back, but from what she could glean, it was more than half of the horde.

        Beth glanced over at Daryl who had remained silent during the entire exchange. His wrist was slung over the wheel, eyes on the road ahead, but he occasionally shifted his attention to the rearview mirror to check on the horde. She had trouble reading how he was feeling. He wasn’t tensed up, but he also seemed closed off. Beth periodically ran her thumb back and forth over her scar, keeping her hand occupied so she wouldn’t reach out to him.

       Glenn started cranking down the window suddenly. When she turned to look, she saw Rick in the driver seat across the road yelling over. Glenn leaned out to reply. While he was distracted, Beth reached over to Daryl and placed her hand on his leg. She hid it between their bodies. He took his eyes off the road to glance at her.

       He was biting the inside of his cheek, making his lips looked pursed. She tilted her head to the side in question. He quickly flicked his eyes back to the road before he turned to her again. He nodded his head almost imperceptibly, answering her silent question. He was alright.

       He shifted in his seat. Beth realized her hand was still on his leg thigh, so she pulled it away quickly. Only a moment passed when she felt Daryl’s warm hand encapsulate hers and bring it back towards him. She smiled as she shifted closer to him, soaking in the heat his body radiated.

       “Ya really throw her shit in the pond?”

       “Sure did,” Beth grinned up at him.

       The corner of his mouth upturned slightly at her blatant confession, “Ya been a pain in the ass from the start. Keepin’ your own sister from gettin’ laid.”

       She laughed, “I think she’s doin’ just fine.” Beth glanced at Glenn, who was still talking out the window to the other car.

       He shook his head, “Fuck, don’t remind me. Had ta hear that shit too many times.”

       “Don’t think we’d be much better.”

       Beth tensed up immediately after the words left her mouth. They came out before she actually thought about what she was saying. She would’ve called it an intrusive thought, but it wasn’t intrusive. Her face heated up and her body got hot. She was thankful Glenn still had his head out the window, but she was too afraid to look at Daryl’s reaction.

       A part of her expected him to pull his hand away and clam up, but to her surprise he did the opposite. His hand closed tighter around hers and he shifted in his seat, “Really?”

       His voice had dropped and it was all Beth could do not to squirm in her seat. He was asking her to double down on what she said. She finally looked at him. He was shifting his attention between her and the road and she recognized that look in his eyes, so she nodded. An almost inaudible groan emanated from him. His grip on the steering wheel tightened, but the tension was broken when Glenn finally rolled the window back up.

       “Rick, thinks we’re good to go,” he said, completely oblivious to the heated conversation that just took place. On cue, the car next to them started accelerating. Daryl stepped on the gas, following along. Beth looked through the rearview mirror as they sped off, leaving the horde behind them.

 

 

 

       She could practically taste home, but she should’ve known better. Things never went to plan. Something always went wrong.

       It started off as just a black dot in the distance. The black dot became a blob. Then, the blob became a group blocking the road. Her breath caught in her chest when she realized they seemed to be waiting for them. Or for anyone to drive down this road. The light atmosphere in the car immediately dropped. And her survival instincts started to kick in. It was the same feeling she got when the Wolves appeared in the school cafeteria. She knew this was going to get ugly.

       Beth counted eight of them. All heavily armed and on motorcycles. There was no doubt in her mind these were Saviors. Her grip on her gun tightened instinctively when the man at the head of the group called out to them, “Why don’t ya come on out? Join us in the road.”

       They had no options. This was the only road for miles and it was lined by trees. The Savior’s guns weren’t trained on them yet, but they were out and loaded. Beth looked at Daryl. His eyes were already on her. In a matter of seconds, his face morphed into the person she only saw when their family was threatened. When she was threatened. Someone he tried to hide from her, thinking she would judge him for it. She welcomed it. This was who they had to be to survive. She nodded at him, letting him know she understood and she had his back no matter what. She’d follow his lead.

       Daryl and Glenn opened the car doors and slid out. The others followed suit. She got out on Daryl’s side and rounded the front of the car. Her gun slung over her shoulder and ready to fire at a moment’s notice. She glanced to her left and saw Rick, Michonne, and Aaron all eyeing the threat.

       “That’s great. Goin’ well right outta the gate. Now, step two,” the man raised up his hand, flashing a number two, “hand over your weapons.”

       “Why should we?” Daryl ground out.

       “Well, they’re not yours,” he replied nonchalantly with a sickly-sweet grin on his face.

       Rick chimed in, his voice echoing across the road, “So, whose are they?”

       Beth knew the answer before the man said it. He swung his leg over his bike and took two steps towards them, “Your property now belongs to Negan. And with the way ya’ll are geared up, you’re people our person wants to know. So, let’s get those pieces off of ya.”

       He pointed to the ground, a “well what are you waiting for” look on his face. Beth slowly set her gun down in front of her. She stood her ground, but she could feel her body start to vibrate as she realized she couldn’t find a way out of this. No one was coming and there were too many of them. Now, they had no weapons either. So, for the first time in a while, she prayed for a miracle.

       The leader of the group went back to his bike, acting like he didn’t have a care in the world. Beth thought he looked vilely similar to the Claimer she shot in the cheek. Rick spoke again, an edge to his voice, “Who are you people?”

       Rick knew damn well who these people were. Who Negan was, but it was best to play along. The leader mounted his bike again, fully turning towards Rick, “I get the curiosity, but we’ll be the ones askin’ the questions while we drive you back to wherever it is you call home. Take a gander at where you hang your hats, but first…your shit. What do ya got for us?”

       Her nauseating fear was momentarily eclipsed by a sudden onslaught of unadulterated fury. She knew these people were bad news the minute they’d ran into Dwight, Sherry, and Tina in the woods. People didn’t run from relative safety unless that “safety” was sold at a steep price. These people were bullies and she was sick and tired of playing nice.

       She saw red and her words left her mouth before she could stop them, “Ya just took it.”

       The man swung his head towards her, “Ah, the rest’a ya’ll speak? Come on. Can we not? There’s more. There’s always more, but if you don’t feel like bitin’ than we can do this the hard way. See, usually, we introduce ourselves by poppin’ one of you right off the bat, but you all seemed like reasonable people,” the man raised his gun, cocking it. “But do ya know how awkward it is to sit in a car with people whose friend you just killed,” he groaned, “But I don’t want ya to get the wrong impression of me. I’m a man that follows through.”

       He swayed his gun back and forth, aiming from one person to another until it landed on Rick, “This one’s gonna be a pain in the ass. I can tell, T. Better off gettin’ rid’a him, but this one,” he gestured towards Daryl, “is lookin’ at me like he’d like to see me hangin’ by my entrails.”

       All the fear returned. Her anger fizzling out to dull embers. Beth was going to be sick. She couldn’t see a way out of this. If any of them died, she would die right along with them. Her will to fight and survive and keep going was directly tied to the people standing next to her. If any of them died, what was the point? Beth tried to steel herself, not wanting to give the Saviors anything, but she couldn’t see a way out of this. No one would give up Alexandria, so this was the only way. They were going to die. This was where it ended.

       An unbelievably selfish thought crossed Beth’s mind as she turned to glance at Daryl: She hoped she died before him, so she wouldn’t have to go through the pain of seeing him die first.

       The leader’s eyes scanned the group, “I simply can’t decide. What do ya think?”

       Another man with long hair piped up, “Hard to say.” It was so casual, like deciding which of her family would die first was equivalent to picking what to eat for dinner.

       “Hm…well. I’m gonna ask one more time. Give us your shit an’ tell us where you’re holing up an’ maybe not all’a ya have to die.” She stood her ground, raising herself up taller. No one spoke, knowing lying would be worthless. They didn’t have anything to give, except for what they had on them.

       The pit in her stomach grew, consuming her from the inside out. Everything around her became bright and loud, like her senses were in overdrive. Was this how her daddy felt when he was kneeling under the Governor? Hopeless? Desperate? Did he pray in the end? Beth’s breathing picked up. Her chest rising and falling rapidly.

       “Alright. Have it your way,” the Savior growled, as he aimed his gun.

       “Wait!” Beth yelled, “Wait. You don’t have to do this.”

       His face twitched and his fingers turned white around the gun. His eyes closed briefly and when he opened them again, she knew she fucked up. He sat up straighter on his bike, “You’re right. I don’t have to do anything.”

       As soon as the words left his mouth, everything was momentarily still, like the calm before the storm. She couldn’t see how big the storm on the horizon was, but she could feel it. Beth knew she was on borrowed time. The minute the Governor swung the katana she knew time was precious. Since then, there wasn’t a moment she took for granted.

       She never asked for more time, knowing it was a pointless endeavor. But as the world stopped spinning, she prayed for more time. For another second. Another minute. Another lifetime. Another chance. Anything. All the guilt and all the pain. She’d take it all. Carry it all. She’d beg for, if only she could have a little more time.

       Then, he pulled the trigger. The bang of the bullet leaving the gun marked the end of her borrowed time. And she screamed.

       Some deep acidic fear erupted through her as she watched the bullet tear through the left side of Daryl’s chest. He fell to the ground. The sheer momentum of the bullet took him with it. In the stillness of the aftershock, she collapsed to the ground with him. She couldn’t breathe. All she could see was the bullet hole and Daryl on the ground. Jolt after jolt of pain ripped through her, causing her body to pulsate and shake. Unrecognizable gasping sounds were pouring from her mouth. Past the vast empty echo chamber of her mind, she vaguely heard gasping and shouting break out around her.

       All she could do was crawl to him, unable to focus on anything but his limp body. Please. Please, don’t take him from me too. Please. She was close enough now to reach for him. Her hands automatically went for his wound, pushing her palm into it to stop the bleeding.

       “Daryl…” she whispered, through her tears and choked sobs. The blood bubbled up around her fingers, coating her hands. He was bleeding too much.

       Even if he was still breathing now, he would he dead soon enough without medical attention. All the fight left her body, as she let herself fall into him. If she was going to die, at least it would be with her family. With people she loved.

       The throbbing pain in her head cleared up enough for her to hear the Savior speak again, “Damn. The blonde is with the redneck? Thought for sure she’d be with this asshole over here. Fuck, guess I owe ya a bottle of—”

       Beth jumped out of her skin as another gunshot rang out. Her head snapped towards the noise. It was immediately followed by more pops in rapid succession. She watched as the leader collapsed to the ground, a bullet hole in his head. Two other Saviors dropped right after. Beth didn’t even look where the bullets were coming from before she lunged for her gun and shot the nearest Savior. Rick, Aaron, and Michonne had the same idea and took out four of them before they could even pull their guns. It was over in a matter of seconds. Eight Saviors were dead.

       The crunching of leaves made her aim her gun to the right. Four people were stood behind the Saviors, guns in hand. The one in front approached them slowly, letting his gun drop to his side as he raised his hands up in front of him. He walked with a limp, but the look of deep pity and understanding on his face made Beth lower her gun. There was a woman and two other men behind him. All of them at ease. She realized it was over. The Saviors were dead and these people had saved them. Not all of them. They were too late.

       Beth rushed back to Daryl’s side, placing her hand back over his wound. He’s dead. She shook her head, trying to erase the thought from her mind. He’s dead and you know it. Why else won’t you check his pulse? A frustrated sob escaped her lips. He was still warm. She heard voices behind her, but she didn’t care. She couldn’t hear them through the buzzing in her ears.

       “Please wake up,” she cried, “Don’t leave me here.”

       She saw feet approach in her peripherals. A person she didn’t recognize crouched down and reached a hand out towards Daryl.

       “Don’t touch him!” Beth yelled, placing a protective arm over him.

       He finally spoke, his voice soft, “I’m a doctor. I might be able to help him. Please.”

       Beth didn’t move. One of her hands still pressed into his wound. She couldn’t move. A hand wrapped around her shoulder. Her head whipped to the side to see Rick’s tear-stricken face staring down at Daryl, “Beth, it’s his best chance.”

       She shook her head, but someone wrapped their arms around her, pulling her away from him. “No!”

       Beth tried to yank out of her restraints, but whoever held her had a death grip on her. She watched through blurry vision as the man with glasses, who said he was a doctor, kneeled next to Daryl and started looking for a pulse. He rummaged through his pack pulling out what looked like medical supplies. The view of Daryl’s body crumbled on the ground was suddenly obscured by someone crowding in front of her.

       When she looked up and saw Glenn, a look of devastation etched into his face. Beth finally looked down at the arms wrapped around her and recognized them as Michonne’s. Glenn looked like he was yelling, but she couldn’t hear him. He grabbed her shoulders and shook, but it was like she was watching from outside her body.

       “Beth!” She heard her name through the ringing, “Beth! You have to breath.”

       Everything came back full force as she let the air rush into her lungs. She hadn’t been breathing. Michonne’s arms loosened slightly and she took the opportunity to surge forward, but when she got around Glenn, Daryl wasn’t where she left him. Rick and Aaron were carrying his unconscious body towards the truck. The man with glasses following him into the bed. Beth ran to them.

       The first thing she saw when she rounded the truck was the trail of blood leading to Daryl. It was already smeared everywhere. She climbed in, ignoring all the chaos around her.

       “What…what can I do?” She stuttered. Every part of her body was shaking, but she was determined to help regardless. The numbness tugged at her, welcoming her into its bliss, but she fought it off. She couldn’t fall back into it, not if she could still do something for Daryl.

       The man handed her some gauze, “Pack his wound with this and keep pressure on it.”

       Beth did as she was told. She tried to keep her focus on her bloody hands, but her eyes roamed to Daryl’s face. Her heart jolted. He looked pale and ashen, just like her mama did before she died.

       Rick’s voice broke through the chaos, “Get ‘em home. We’ll take care of this.”

       “We don’t know what we’re going back to,” Glenn responded, clearly trying to keep his voice low.

       “We gotta believe they handled it. Go. We’ll meet ya back there.”

       Glenn threw open the truck door and started it. The rumbling of the engine cutting out any other conversation. The man with the limp slid into the passenger seat right before Glenn took off towards Alexandria. Beth watched the rest of the group fade into dots on the horizon. Her mind was too scrambled to understand what was happening. All she could feel was the warm blood draining from his body.

       And with it all the fleeting glimpses of a future she had so naively hoped for.

       Beth had him for so little time and all she could do was beg for more. Beg that she could do this day all over again to make sure it was her with a bullet in her chest instead of him. Like so many times before, her light was snuffed out. Because a candle couldn’t withstand a hurricane, no matter how bright its flame burned. Beth rested her forehead lightly on his temple. The coppery smell of blood invaded her nostrils, but she breathed him in regardless because it was still him.

       “I promised you wouldn’t be the last man standin’…but not like this. You don’t die,” she whispered, hoping, in whatever state he was in, he still heard her. She held him, keeping pressure on his wound.

       The numbness started to settle in her. The pain mounting so high her body could no longer process it, so it shut down. Replaced by nothing. Her body was just a shell that no longer housed a person. Daryl had been wrong. She couldn’t live with it. He thought she was strong enough, but she wasn’t. The world had changed her, but not enough.

        Beth felt herself slip back into the recesses of her mind, where she hadn’t been since her mom came out of the barn.

Notes:

First things first: I'm so sorry for this chapter, but it had to happen. This is our first introduction to the Saviors and it started off with a bang, literally (pun intended). Of course, the scene with the Saviors is drawn from the scene in the show with Daryl, Abraham, and Sasha. Its the same group, however the scene goes differently for a couple reasons.

Why did the Savior shoot Daryl instead of Rick? In this moment, I think the Savior saw more defiance in Daryl than in Rick. Why didn't he shoot Daryl in the head instead of the chest? He wanted to prolong the suffering, so they'd remember who they were dealing with. Similar to how bashing someone's head in leaves an impression. This is a way to do that without the manpower.

Anyone have a guess about who the new people are? :)

On to a lighter note. The beginning conversation between Glenn and Beth is actually a true story Maggie told to Andrea in the second season. I thought it was something fun to add here and I always loved that story. It added a lot of characterization to Beth and its something I draw from regarding her character. And we got a bit of a steamy moment between Daryl and Beth because of it, so you're welcome lol.

Anyways, love you guys and I hope you have a good week! All the love <3
Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0l4DlTiWseLaxa3jksjZKX?si=c832470c46414010

Chapter 22: Odie

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I know I left you on a pretty big cliffhanger last week. I hope this chapter makes up for it. It's definitely an interesting one. I hope you enjoy!

Come chat with me in the comments! All my thoughts and explanations will be in the end notes. All the love everyone <3

Knowin' You're Alive Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0l4DlTiWseLaxa3jksjZKX?si=cb4766bc99bc4735

       The truck rumbled underneath him. His arm hung out the window, redirecting the wind into the cabin. It kept it cool as the hot Georgia heat baked the asphalt. The sweat on his body was slowly cooling as the truck picked up speed, but he could still feel droplets running down his chest and stomach. The cicadas were singing and there was a lit cigarette between his fingers. It was a good day. Daryl ran his hand over his front, hoping to collect the sweat, but when he pulled his hand away it came back red. His heart rate picked up as he looked down for the source of the blood.

       He found it quickly. There was a small bullet hole below his collarbone on the left side of his chest. He didn’t feel any pain, but blood was still oozing out of the wound. He looked around for something to stop the bleeding when the silence was broken by a grating voice in the driver’s seat.

       “Well would ya look at that? Look who finally decided ta show up. Ya gonna join me now, baby brother? Followin’ in your big brother’s footsteps and joinin’ me in the big bright light.”

       Daryl turned towards the driver’s side and saw Merle. He was looking at the road, like it was just another day drifting around doing nothing. It took Daryl a second to process what his brother had said, “If it was, ain’t neither of us would be here.”

       "Ouch, even with one foot in the grave, you still got your panties all twisted.”

       “Must run in the family,” he replied, sarcastically, still looking for something to cover his wound. He threw open the glove box and rifled through the contents.

       Merle cackled. It was a noise that used to make him bristle. Now, he realized he had missed it. A shark-like grin spread across his face, “Ain’t true for your girl though. Is it?”

       He stopped cold. If Merle was talking to him about Beth, he really must be dead. Even the thought of his brother uttering her name made him want to roar at him, but he reigned it in, “She ain’t like us.”

       “No, she sure ain’t,” Merle paused, watching him, “But she’s killed just like all the rest’a us. She’s killed for you, baby brother. Doin’ the shit I couldn’t.”

       “What? Ya like her now cause she’s got blood on her hands? Ain’t a person left who don’t.”

       Merle held his hands up, letting go of the wheel, acting like he hadn’t been the voice in his head that tormented him relentlessly, “Ain’t judgin’. The Lord knows I ain’t got room to. An’ I ain’t gonna lie in His house.” Merle smirked, but it momentarily dropped, “Was a compliment. Baby bird became a lioness. Who woulda thought?”

       “What ya sayin’? Ya like her now or sumthin’?” Daryl reiterated accusingly, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

       The irritating smirk returned. The same one he always wore when he was about to say something that would make him want to kick his ass, “Depends. She put out yet?”

       And there it was. The Merle he remembered. The rage returned and he felt himself regress back into a younger version of himself. Someone he couldn’t control. Whose anger controlled him. And he lashed out. His fist connected with the left side of his brother’s jaw. He knew it wasn’t smart, but this wasn’t the first time they’d fought in a moving vehicle. Merle swung the truck to the side of the road and threw it in park, turning on him.

       Daryl winded his fist back, ready to land other blow to his face, but something stopped him. And all the anger disappeared, like it was erased in an instant. It was the first time in a long time that he’d seen his brother’s face. He wouldn’t say it was a miracle, but he may never get another chance to see him. Daryl wasn’t this person. He didn’t need to be this person, so he shoved his brother away and settled back down into the seat.

       Merle looked between him and the rearview mirror, looking at the place where he punched him, “Ya gone soft.”

       “Nah,” Daryl grunted, “Talk ‘bout her like that ‘gain and—”

       “Ya, ya. Ain’t need the whole damn speech,” Merle interrupted, rubbing his sore jaw.

       “So, what’ll it be, baby brother?” Merle questioned out of the blue.

       “What?”

       “Ya stayin’ or leavin’? Cause I ain’t got all day.”

       “I gotta choice,” he questioned, sarcastically.

       Merle didn’t answer, but he put the car back in drive. Not taking his foot off the break yet, “Ya already decided. Leavin’ me again for a family that ain’t even blood.”

       Dark shadows washed over his brother’s face. He vaguely remembered having a conversation just like this one in what felt like another life. And maybe it was. All the guilt that normally gnawed at him was absent. Merle would always be his brother, but he had other family to get back to. All Daryl did was nod. He didn’t owe him an explanation. Merle already knew anyway.

       To his surprise, Merle smiled. It wasn’t a smirk or his usual shit-eating grin. It was a genuine grin. Daryl couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Merle look like that. The click of the doors unlocking let him know it was time to go. He slid out of the truck, shutting the door behind him. Before Merle drove away, he shouted out the window to him, “Tell the girl you’re her problem now. I’m fuckin’ retired.”

 

 

~

 

 

       Maggie stood on the lookout and watched. Waited. Her muscle became stiff from the lack of movement, but she stayed planted, walkie-talkie clutched in her hand. Her vision was narrowed to a pinpoint, scanning between the road and where her sister and husband disappeared into the horde. Time drug on. Slower than it had ever been. Waiting had always been the worst part. The not knowing. Were they alright? Were they in trouble? Were they separated? Were they dead? Maggie cleared her mind, letting the groans of the horde fill her spiraling mind.

       She scanned the road and for the first time in a while she moved. Her muscles and joints groaned in protest, straining against the sudden movement. She leaned over the edge, bracing her hands on the wall. Two specks appeared on the road, headed for Alexandria. Then, she heard a faint something. It was barely audible over the walkers, but it started out as a hum. The hum turned into a rumble and before she knew it, Maggie was staring at two cars headed straight for the horde. The moment the horns started to blare; she knew it was them.

       There was no time to waste. Maggie brought the walkie to her mouth, “Get ready! They’re here.” She watched as the information spread through Alexandria like wildfire. Everyone started scrambling, not having thought the group would’ve found cars so quickly. Even after everything some of the Alexandrians still doubted them. And it wasn’t just them. Aaron was a part of that group too and they doubted him.

       Maggie had the misfortune of walking in on a couple people making bets on who wouldn’t survive the run. Saying she saw red was an understatement and she wasn’t ashamed to say she snapped. They all looked at her with beat red faces, but the one that irked her the most was Nicholas. He had almost gotten Glenn and Tara killed. Now, he was placing bets on if he’d survive or not. She has kept an eye on him, but his words still rang in the back of her head. They needed all hands-on deck, so she hadn’t told anyone, but she has kept one eye on him since. It was always the people that talked big game that ended up getting others hurt. Stubborn arrogance would kill just as fast as a bullet.

       Now, he was on the ground with Carol. Maggie warned her and if she was being honest, she wouldn’t mind if he didn’t make it out of this alive. The thought alone should have disturbed her, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. When her family was involved, she’d always choose them. Carol had given her that same look. The woman who became a wolf to protect herself and her family. A wolf in sheep’s clothing was more dangerous than any boy who couldn’t get his shit together.

       Maggie turned back to see the two cars already reversing, blaring the horn constantly. As they kept slowly driving away, she saw the split form in the horde between the ones that followed and the ones that stayed. It was more than any of them could’ve hope for, but it was still enough that they needed to deal with them quickly before the noise could draw in more.

       The swaying of the lookout tower alerted her to the group coming up. Abraham, Tara, Sasha, and Dwight all scrambled up the ladder. Rifles, snipers, and machine guns slung over their shoulders. “Ya’ll ready?”

       Abraham loaded his gun, “Yes, ma’am.”

       Maggie looked back at the groups on the ground, all lined up near the front gates. Some of the more untrained Alexandrians were near the back, but they all looked ready and determined. Everyone was armed to the teeth, “Alright. We keep it controlled an’ get it done quick. On your signal.”

       Sasha was looking through her scope towards the road, “They’re still too close. Have to wait a little longer.”

       A deep rumbling laugh came from Abraham as he scanned the horde below. Maggie had come to appreciate the man’s humor, but she would never claim to understand it. They all did what they had to just to get through the day, but Sasha and Dwight seemed especially perturbed by it.

       “This fun for you?” Sasha asked, her eyes narrowed at him.

       With a big smile he said, “This is livin’, sweetheart. It’s a good day.”

       Dwight turned to look at her, eyebrows raised. All she did was shake her head as she started to descend the ladder. Before her head fully ducked below the platform, Tara stopped her, “Good luck and stay safe. This whole plan would go to shit without you.”

       She smiled at her. Maggie recognized the feeling going through her as familial love. Sisterly love. It was similar, but also wholly different to how she felt about Beth. How crazy was the world that one minute someone could be your enemy and the next they could be your family? The minute Tara told her she was there when the Governor chopped her daddy’s head off, a small piece of her healed. It was a small piece of closure. She chose forgiveness. Something her daddy would’ve been proud of. Now, Tara was one of the most important people to her.

       Maggie reached up to grip her hand, “Stay safe an’ don’t make me come back up here.”

       Tara laughed and gave her a mock salute. She got to the bottom of the ladder and made a beeline for the groups at the gate. Carol was closest to her, giving instructions to her group.

       “Clear anything that gets loose and move it out of the way as quick as possible,” she commanded, “Keep your eyes peeled for any gaps.” Maggie watched as Nicholas took in the command. He didn’t look defiant. To her surprise he looked, jittery. Nervous even.

       Gabriel, Tyreese, Eugene, Rosita, and Sherry were all gearing up with machetes, knives, axes, hatchets, anything to take on the horde. Carter, Aidan, Eric, Scott, Heath, Tobin, Francine, Holly, and Jessie weren’t far behind. A sense of bright lit up her chest. They had come a long way and now they were all standing side by side to fight for their home.

       Maggie switched the channel on the walkie, “Carl, ya there?”

       Static blared for a couple seconds before his voice appeared, “Here.”

       “They’re pullin’ away half the horde. Tell Denise and Tina to get ready.”

       “We will be.”

       Maggie knew Carl and Mika would protect Judith with their lives and if Enid was there too, that infirmary would stay safe. They were the future. If anyone had to survive this, it was them. By the time she made her way to the front gate, next to Rosita, Abraham’s voice boomed over the crowd, “Now!”

       Phase One. Rounds of gunshots burst through the air, as the group on the outlook fired into the walkers piled against the gate. They rotated, so no one was caught having to reload. The gunfire riled up the walkers outside. The moans and growls becoming louder and creating a wall of sound that was never-ending. Maggie gripped her knife, wiping her sweaty hands on her pants. After about five minutes of constant gunfire taking out walkers near the front, she heard Abraham yell down to her, “Good as its gonna get!”

       Phase Two. Maggie nodded and Rosita, Gabriel, and Tyreese slid open the chained link gate, revealing a massive pile of dead walkers providing a barrier between the horde and the gate. She wasted no time and started taking out the remaining stragglers still pressed up against the bars. Her knife drove into their skulls, the crunch echoing in her ears despite how loud it was. One by one they took out as many as they could through the gate, adding to the growing pile. When one group got tired another took its place. Eventually, they had enough bodies piled up to hold the horde back long enough for them to make a dent.

       Phase Three. “The gate! We don’t got a lot of time!” she yelled. It was now or never. Carter, Aidan, and Nicholas heaved open the metal gate exposing Alexandria to the outside. There was no time to think or be scared. They had to do this quickly. Maggie charged out. Her family not far behind. They kept their backs to one another just incase a walker broke through the barrier. Her mind shut off as she got to work.

       The outlook group started dispersing their firing, trying to thin the horde out. Another group was banging on the walls from inside, trying to draw some away from the gate, but she drowned it all out. Everything became lunge, twist, retract, push away. Lunge. Twist. Retract. Push away. By the time she reached ten walker kills, she started losing count. Her arms started aching from the effort. When she took a second to breath, she saw the walkers squeezing in against the makeshift barrier they created. She knew it wasn’t going to last forever, so she sped up. Hoping to take out as many as possible. Gabriel and Rosita and some others were working on the sides, but they’d left her peripherals by now.

       A tap on the shoulder, alerted her to the switch. Rosita pulled her back behind the threshold of the gate as Tyreese, Carol, Holly, Eric, Aidan, and Nicholas went out to continue what they started. Maggie was finally able to look around and although the walker pile was significantly bigger, they had a long way to go. She wouldn’t be surprised if this went long into the night.

       She turned away to walkie an update to Deanna and the infirmary, “Buildin’ up the barrier with the ground groups. It’ll hold for now, but we’re gonna be at this for a while. May need ta make shifts goin’ through the night.”

       Deanna immediately responded, “Good. Olivia and I will gather the necessary supplies. I’ll work on those shifts.”

       Maggie quickly switched channels, “Carl, the gates are open an’ the barrier is—”

       A yell had her head whipping back towards the gates. Commotion was happening, but she couldn’t quite see what was happening. A break in the groups of people allowed her to see Nicholas draw a gun he wasn’t supposed to have, a frantic and panicked look in his eyes. That’s when she saw the part of the walker barrier next to Nicholas was giving away to the horde. Maggie pushed her way to the front, but she was too late. She watched in slow motion as a walker went to grab for Nicholas. In his panic, he pushed Holly into its grasp. Carol caught on quickly, but was too late to save Holly as she was grabbed and swallowed up by the horde. Aidan was yelling something at Nicholas, but he wasn’t listening.

       When she got close enough, she finally realized what Aidan was yelling, “Nicholas! Don’t shoot!”

       Another walker swiped for Nicholas. The bang of a bullet exiting the chamber marked the end of any plan they’d drawn up. The gunfire on the ground only attracted more to the area that was weakest.

       And within seconds the horde was spilling through the hole and into Alexandria.

 

 

~

 

 

       The Greene farm spread out in front of him. Everything was still and quiet. Almost too quiet. The only sound came from him whittling a piece of wood in his hand. He couldn’t remember how he got here, but there was a sense of calmness in him that he hadn’t ever felt a day in his life. He noticed the blood still dripping out of his wound, but it had become an after thought since there was no pain. Maybe he should have been more concerned. He wasn’t sure how much blood he’d lost already. Let alone how much more he could reasonably lose before dying.

       The squeak of the screened door sounded behind him. Daryl turned to see the last person he ever thought he’d see again. Hershel Greene.

       Even though everything was foggy, he still remembered how he died. It played in his head over and over again. Daryl remembered the rage and the hatred and the fear. But most of all he remembered the guilt. He remembered hearing Beth and Maggie’s screams. Rick’s yell. Daryl held it all on his shoulders and somewhere deep within him.

       “Lookin’ like it’ll be a good morning,” Hershel said, joining him at the front of the porch. Daryl couldn’t find the words. All he could do was stare. The man looked different. Somehow younger, but also the same age. The wariness had disappeared from his eyes. Wherever they were, Daryl hoped Hershel had found some peace and rest.

       Hershel turned to look at him, fully, “You alright, son?”

       A shooting pain went through his chest at the word ‘son’. He’d never been called that and never with that tone. It was always ‘boy’, an edge of vindictiveness to it. Just like Merle, Daryl knew this was probably the last time he’d see Hershel, so he told him everything.

       “I’m sorry for what happened to ya, Shoulda kept lookin’…That’s on me,” he said, eyes staring out at a haybale far in a distant field. But he knew, he owed him more than that, so he turned to look at him. Making sure he saw, there was no one he respected more.

       Hershel shook his head slightly, “There was nothing that could’ve be done. It was my time.”

       Daryl didn’t want to believe that. His words made him remember how much Beth sounded like her father. She believed in something bigger just like her dad, but he didn’t want the blame taken off his shoulders. When Michonne kept looking, he pulled back, thinking they were safe. It cost them everything. He didn’t want Hershel taking that blame off his shoulders.

       Blood burst in his mouth from where he was chewing on the side of his cheek. The metallic taste spread down his throat. He swore he could feel it travelling all the way down to his stomach. It made it churn violently, like his insides knew it wasn’t supposed to be there.

       Hershel sighed, “You’ve given me peace of mind. Both my daughters are taken care of. They’re strong and they’ll only make each other stronger. They’re surrounded by people willing to risk their lives for them. That’s all I could’ve hoped for.”

       "I’d die for her. For Maggie,” he stated, every bit the truth. He might never deserve Beth, but he’d die for her. Kill for her. For them all.

       The corner of Hershel’s mouth quirked up, “I know, son,” he paused, a serious look growing on his face, “But that’s not what she needs from you now.” A jolt of pain went through the left side of his chest, making everything go blurry momentarily, but he was able to refocus on Hershel. The man pointed out towards the field to the left, “See that horse? That was Bethie’s horse, Odie. Annette and I gifted him to her on her eleventh birthday. We couldn’t get her away from that horse. Every hour she could be with him, she was.”

       Daryl kept quiet, listening. Odie was grazing out in the field. He had a smoky grey coat that looked almost silver when it caught the light just right. It was a beautiful creature and it reminded him of Beth.

       Hershel continued, “A few years after we got him, he got sick. Whatever it was worked quickly. It completely incapacitated him. Didn’t look like he was gonna make it through the night. He was sufferin’ and so was Beth. She stayed by his side all night singin’ to him. Keepin’ him calm. In all my years as a veterinarian, I’d never seen anything like it. She had a gift. The horse was completely calm around her even while God was standin’ by ready to take him,” he paused, redirecting, “When I put him down, she refused to be anywhere but by his side. Through it all… That was her horse.”

       He turned towards Daryl, an intense look in his eyes, “She never got attached to another one after that. She kept ridin’, but that bond was never there again.”

       “Why’re ya tellin’ me this?” he asked, fidgeting with the piece of wood in his hand. Daryl had a hunch, but part of him didn’t want to believe what Hershel was trying to tell him.

       Hershel placed his hand on his shoulder, “You have to wake up.”

 

 

~

 

 

       Maggie watched in horror as the horde made its way into Alexandria. It swallowed Nicholas and she watched as his insides were tore out. His screams piercing above all the noise. She couldn’t see what happened to the rest of them. Some people were too shocked to move, some started backing away, but they needed to hold the line. The barrier and the gate were still providing a bottleneck for them. They couldn’t let the horde get any further into Alexandria.

       “Fight ‘em back!” she roared over the stunned Alexandrians, “Keep ‘em contained!” The lookout group started firing at the front of the gate again, laying down cover as they all rushed to create a frontline. Maggie joined Carol and Aidan as she started hacking up walker after walker. Not a single person hesitating. She took one glance down the line. Everyone was going full force. This was their home.

       And they were the last line of defense. They would not break.

Notes:

This was such an interesting chapter to write. I was going to pick up right where we left off with Beth, but I think this chapter needed to happen. Its reminiscent of certain scenes in the show and we got to see Merle and Hershel again.

I want to leave the Merle and Hershel scenes up to interpretation. Whether you think Daryl's actually talking to them or if they are just versions of Daryl's subconscious talking to him, its up to you. But regardless, I love how both of the scenes turned out. Writing both Merle and Hershel was so much fun and honestly kind of heartbreaking. I was never a huge fan of Merle, but it was bittersweet to write a scene with the brothers.

Now to Alexandria. Since we're not dealing with wolves and the horde is already at our gate, our plan is a lot different. I took inspiration from season 10 episode 11 & 12. They did a similar tactic with using the dead walkers as a barrier at the gate. I would say the horde in this story is slightly smaller than in the show, but still enough that it would take hours and maybe even a day to clear it with people working around the clock.

Nicholas is dead. He sort switched places with Aidan in this story. In the show, Nicholas gets the redemption arc, but in this story Aidan gets it.

The horde blocking the only way into Alexandria will be an interesting conundrum for when Beth, Daryl, Glenn, and the others get back...

Anyways, I wish you all the best and thank you again for all the love you've given this story. It truly has been such a treat to write and read through all your comments. All the love <3

Chapter 23: Passed the Point of No Return

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I hope you all are doing well. I have a VERY long chapter for you today. Probably the longest so far.

I hope you enjoy! And thank you all for being so brilliantly amazing. You all are the best readers any author could ask for <3

Come chat with me in the comments even if it is to yell at me :)

Knowin' You're Alive Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0l4DlTiWseLaxa3jksjZKX?si=14a27ad3d1674217

       Beth stared into the abyss. She felt nothing. Not the ridges of the truck bed digging into her knees. Not the ache in her arms from holding pressure on his wound. It was all inconsequential compared to the pain she would feel looking at the blood draining from his face. She couldn’t live without him. She couldn’t let herself feel it. Any of it.

       The wind rushed past her ears creating a constant humming. Occasionally, the truck would hit a bump in the road or swerve to avoid a walker. She knew Glenn was going as fast as he could without causing irreparable damage to Daryl, but right now speed was the lesser of two evils. If they were too slow, he’d bleed out and die. If they were too fast and not careful enough, he could lose blood quicker from the violent movement.

       The doctor was holding him as still as possible, while Beth continued to put pressure on the wound. There was nothing else they could do until they reached Alexandria. They had no medical supplies. No way to give him blood. No way to stitch him up.

       A voice talking over the wind pulled her from her abyss, “What’s his name?”

       Beth looked away from her blood-soaked hands to stare at the doctor, “Why?” Her voice sounded like it came from someone else. It was monotone. Dead. No emotion or feeling behind it. But as she looked at the doctor, she realized her vision was still blurry with tears.

       “I like to know who my patients are. A name is always a good place to start,” he said, his tone warm. Warmer than it probably should’ve been given the circumstances. It reminded her of the tone of voice her daddy used when dealing with people whose animals were sick.

       Her gaze fell away as her voice quivered, “Daryl…His name’s Daryl.”

       There was a pause before he replied again, “And you?”

       It took Beth a second to understand what he was asking. Her brain wasn’t processing anything. It was like she was using all her will power to block out any and all emotions threatening to overwhelm her. “I ain’t a patient.”

       “No, but I figured I should get to know the person that’s going to help me save his life.”

       A window opened in the wall she constructed around herself and a wave of agony poured through. There wasn’t an ounce of uncertainty in his voice, but she knew better. They were running out of time. She couldn’t live without him. She closed the window.

       “Beth,” she answered just loud enough to be heard over the wind.

       His voice went from optimistic and confident to serious, “Beth, I promise I’m going to do everything I can.”

       Maybe at the start of all this she would’ve taken his words at face value. Said, thank you, but now it just terrified her. They didn’t know these people, but they were willing to risk their lives to save them, to go willingly to a place they didn’t know to save someone that had a higher chance of dying than living. Beth wanted to believe good people still existed. That good people were out there willing to help for no other reason than it was the right thing to do. She wanted to believe that, but she’d been proven wrong too many times.

       “Ya don’t owe us anythin’.”

       He looked at her, a faint smile on his face. It wasn’t mocking. It was still warm. He pushed up his glasses, before he replied, “I figured I could use something good on my conscience.”

       She understood. Doing good wasn’t some altruistic deed. A lot of times it could be very selfish. The intention behind something was almost more important than the act itself, but she’d come to learn doing good was doing good. They couldn’t be picky in this world. If someone’s morals were still intact enough to do something because it was the right thing to do, who was she to say it counted less one way or another?

       Beth realized she’d forgotten something, “Your name? I’d like ta know the name of the doctor that’s gonna save my…” she paused, her throat suddenly closing up. Beth didn’t know what to call Daryl. He was hers and she was his, but ‘boyfriend’ sounded ridiculous and childish. A word like that couldn’t even begin to encompass what he was to her. Unwanted emotions started to boil over, dragging her down into her own personal hell. She couldn’t live without him.

       He answered, without needing her to finish, “Dr. Steven Edwards.”

 

 

~

 

 

       Rick was going to kill every last one of them. And he didn’t care how long it took. He didn’t care how much blood would be on his hands. The bullet ripping through Daryl’s chest played in his mind over and over again. Beth’s scream still rang in his ears. They had to come for them. We have to come for them before they come for us. You fight or you die.

       He threw the body draped over his shoulder to ground. Its skull cracked against the forest floor. The sound of bodies thudding around him filled the humming summer air. Aaron and Michonne came up behind him after disposing of another Savior. The atmosphere between them was thick with tension and he made no move to break it. His brother had been shot. And someone had to answer for it.

       “That was the last one,” Aaron stated, a deep frown on his face.

       Rick wiped the sweat from his brow, “Let ‘em rot. We’re far enough away from the road. No one’ll find ‘em.”

       “The bikes are cleared too. We were never here,” Michonne reassured, adjusting the gun and katana strapped to her back.

       Clearing the road of the Saviors took longer than he had hoped, but it was the right call. They had to wipe any trace of their existence, especially this close to Alexandria. From what Dwight told him, the Saviors wouldn’t see this as merely an indiscretion. It was an act of war, but they drew first blood. If Alexandria had to be the one to finish it, so be it. The Saviors had gone on terrorizing people long enough. He would come for them all.

       “What do we do about the other two?” Aaron asked, slightly out of breath from carry a body.

       Sweat droplets ran down Rick’s temple, as they started making their way back to the road, “We leave ‘em. Can’t take ‘em back with us. Not with Alexandria so vulnerable. We’re lucky their two weakest went with Beth and Glenn. They shouldn’t pose a threat.”

       Rick could feel Michonne staring at him, “Rick…”

       “We can’t risk it.”

       Michonne stopped abruptly, making him swivel to look at her, “They saved us. We weren’t getting out of that. And they didn’t have to. You know they didn’t.”

       Aaron spoke up, “There’s two of them and three of us. And we have two of their people. It would be a death sentence for them to make a move. And I, for one, would like to think we’re more capable than that.”

       Rick pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping to relieve the headache making it hard to think, “So, what? We just bring ‘em back with us? Hope they don’t kill one of us.”

       Michonne stepped towards him, a look of painful understanding on her face. The minute that look crossed her face, he knew. She had become his voice of reason, taming and guiding his brutality. The angel on his shoulder, leading him in the right direction. A deep sigh left his chest, realizing they were both right. He didn’t have to like it, but he wouldn’t stoop so low as to overrule them. Michonne was right more often than not. “Alright,” he nodded, trudging ahead.

       Without the bodies, it didn’t take long to get back to the road. It was completely cleared. Wet spots littered the road where the pools of blood had been washed away by what little water they had left. The two others turned towards them as they all emerged from the woods. Aaron took the lead. He was still Alexandria’s recruiter after all.

       “Let me be the first to say, thank you. None of us would be alive, if you hadn’t done what you did,” he said. Rick recognized the same sincerity in his voice that Aaron had when he first approached them at the school. It was still a façade, but it was a specifically cultivated one used for the greater good of their community.

       Rick noticed the way they both stood. On alert, guns point towards the ground, but still ready. Their eyes scanned their surroundings the same way his were trained to do before the world fell. The woman was the one who responded, “The less of those guys out there the better. Figured it was a good opening. But I am sorry we couldn’t get here sooner to save your friend.”

       “He’s gonna be fine. Your man is with him,” Rick interjected. It sounded more like a threat than he wanted, but he wasn’t going to take it back. He didn’t know these people.

       The man’s grip tightened on his gun, but he didn’t make a move. The woman stepped forward, “He’s a good doctor. Saved our asses more than once. He’ll do everything he can.”

       Rick watched them, eyes darting between the two. The way they shifted, reminded him of a time before all this. Reminded him of a person he tried to forget. The memory brought him back to reality. The two looked like they were still trying to figure out whether to trust them or not. He decided to cut the bullshit, “You were cops, so make the call.”

       They glanced between each other eyes slightly wide. He rested his hand on the handle of his gun, relaxed, but ready. Aaron shifted next to him, clearly uncomfortable with the shift in the conversation. Rick understood he was escalating things, but he needed to figure out who these people were before they took them back to Alexandria.

       It was clear they were piecing together that the only way he could’ve known they were cops was because he used to be one too. They both seemed to visibly relax after the realization. Rick wasn’t sure why. Nothing about being a cop made anyone less dangerous. In fact, it only made someone more dangerous in his eyes, but it seemed these two still held the idea of kinship between officers. Something he had let die long ago in the middle of a field.

        Aaron stepped in again, “The others will be headed to our community. You’re welcome to come. I know you don’t have much reason to trust us, but I promise you have nothing to fear. Your people will be safe.”

       “As far as we know,” Rick warned. Michonne gave him a look. One he knew well. One that told him to ‘shut the hell up’, but he needed to explain himself, “We were leadin’ a horde away from our walls. We were on our way back when we ran into these assholes. Half the horde is still there. Had a plan in place, but you know how things are. Ya plan and,” he gestured to the empty road where the Saviors had stood, “things fall apart.”

       The man finally spoke, “So what you’re saying is you don’t know what we’ll be going back to?”

       A hand lightly grazed Rick’s forearm. He looked down to his right to see Michonne looking up at him. She threw him a lifeline to reel himself back to her. And he took it, letting his defensiveness bleed out of him. He trusted her. So, if she trusted them, that was good enough for him. She had enough trust for the both of them. Michonne turned to them both, “Our people are strong and we have good numbers. They can handle themselves.” Her sentiment doubled as a warning and reassurance.

       The two didn’t speak for a little bit, communicating silently, but eventually the woman said, “We’re in. Can’t leave Edwards and Noah behind anyway. We’ll only stay long enough for Edwards to fix up your man, then we’ll be out of your hair.”

       Aaron nodded, “Good, well, I’m Aaron. This is Rick and Michonne.”

       The woman nodded, “I’m Sheppard. This is Tanaka.”

       They all started heading for the car, which was now full of weapons and ammo from the Saviors. Aaron slid into the driver’s side and started the engine, “We’re not far. It should be a relatively short drive.”

       They needed to get home and quickly. He couldn’t even bring himself to wonder how Daryl was doing, if he was alive. Watching his brother get shot was something he would likely never forget. The helplessness and fear and pain were still stewing inside him, but above all else was the urge for retaliation. He made a promise to his family that he would keep them safe. Someone had threatened their safety. And he wouldn’t forget. If Daryl was dead, Rick would make sure every Savior paid for it in blood.

 

 

~

 

 

       Alexandria came into view and Beth knew immediately something was wrong. No more walkers were gathered around the walls, but a substantial pile of dead ones surrounded the gate. It reached a third of the way up the wall. The chain link fence was closed, but the clanking of something hitting against it rhythmically rang through the air. As Glenn drove closer, Beth heard the groans. It was faint, but she heard it. The truck came to a stop and the engine abruptly cut out. They were as close to the gates as they could get, but they wouldn’t be getting through. Not just because of the pile of walkers blocking the way in, but because of what was milling around on the other side of the wall.

       The emotional barrier she erected came crashing down. Walkers were inside Alexandria. The plan had gone wrong. Something must have happened, but she didn’t have time to speculate what happened or the what ifs of what laid beyond the wall. Daryl needed help yesterday. If she couldn’t get him into Alexandria, she’d bring it out to him.

       Beth didn’t wait a second longer to act. The numbness receded, replaced by a single goal, “Tell me what ya need. Now.”

       Steven looked at Beth, an incredulous look on his face, but he caught on, “More gauze, as many flashlights as possible, tweezers, something to clean the wound, and he’ll need stitches. But…he needs blood,” he shook his head, “Beth, you can’t go in there alone.”

       She gestured for him to take her place and put pressure on Daryl’s wound, “Yes, I can.”

       Once Steven was covering his wound, she leaned down and placed her lips on Daryl’s cheek, lingering only long enough to whisper in his ear, “Please, hang on.”

       Beth grabbed her gun, loaded it, and checked her knives at her hips. She hopped out of the truck bed, wobbling for a second forgetting how long she was kneeling on hard metal. The sound of the truck doors opening had her stalking towards the sewer grate. She didn’t have time to discuss her plan any further.

       “Beth!” Glenn shouted, but she kept going. They didn’t have time to waste. “Beth! Stop!”

       She halted and turned towards Glenn, “We don’t have time for this. I gotta get in there and you’re stayin’ here. We can’t leave him with two people we don’t know.”

       “You’re not going in there alone,” he replied, exasperated.

       “We have no choice!” Beth yelled.

       “He needs you, Beth. Let me go. I’ll do it.”

       A part of her knew he was right. If he died and she wasn’t here, she’d never forgive herself. But she needed to do this. She needed to do something. Just sitting and waiting was unbearable. Beth could get in and out quickly. Her promise to Maggie rang in her head too. She would protect Glenn because God forbid anything happened to him too. Beth couldn’t let Maggie go through the same thing she was going through now. She wouldn’t.

       She held her ground, “I have ta do this an’ you’re not gonna stop me.”

       The other man that was sitting in the truck with Glenn, approached them, “I’ll go. I can help.”

       Beth didn’t want someone to slow her down, but if it got her out of this argument quicker, she didn’t care. He was the one she originally thought she could trust and she still didn’t know his name, “Alright. We have ta hurry.”

        Glenn stood there, unable to argue and Beth realized how harsh she was being, “I’ll be back. The infirmary is close to the grate…” she paused, thinking of all the people trapped inside Alexandria, “They’re all alright.”

       Glenn nodded and watched as she ushered her new companion towards the sewer. She noticed he had a limp, but he was still pretty quick. As she threw the grate open, he said, “Noah.”

       Her eyebrows furrowed as she stepped into the dark sewer. Not because she didn’t know what he meant, but because it was an odd time to tell her his name. Although, she guessed it was a good a time as any if he was about to risk his life to help her. He must have seen her expression before she disappeared into the dimness because he answered, “Name’s Noah.”

       She nodded, even though he probably couldn’t see it, “Beth. Come on.”

       Beth trekked through the sewer, trying to keep her footfalls as quiet as possible, but it didn’t matter all that much when Noah was making so much noise. She knew he wasn’t doing it on purpose. At this point, moving faster was more important than being quiet anyway. She couldn’t live without him.

       They reached the ladder into Alexandria quicker than she remembered. Without speaking another word to Noah, she started climbing the ladder. All the fear at what she would find on the other side was nowhere to be found. The only thing on her mind was Daryl. She had to make it to the infirmary one way or another. She heard shoes thudding on the metal underneath her as Noah followed closely behind her.

       Beth reached the manhole and tried her best to quietly move it aside. Despite all her efforts, it still scratched against the concrete above. The cloudy grey sky came into view and she bolted the rest of the way up not wanting to waste precious time. Taking a second to get her bearings, she took in her surroundings. Walkers were milling about, some ambling towards her after being drawn by the sound. There were so many, but not enough that they couldn’t make their way through to the infirmary a couple streets down. She reached a hand down to Noah and helped pull him through.

       And they ran.

       They weaved through an onslaught of walkers. Noah kept on her trail, following her every move. Beth was relieved to see there were no fresh walkers. No bodies laying out in the street. Their people must be holed up somewhere, if she had to guess, it’d be the infirmary. Maggie would lead everyone there. She knew it.

       Beth dodged a grasping hand only to run into another walker rounding a corner. Her knife was in its skull before her brain even caught up to what was happening. She silently thanked Abraham and Rosita’s training. Even though it was barely a month, every little bit helped. She heard a grunt behind her. When she turned, she saw a walker collapse at Noah’s feet. His knife was bloody at his side. He nodded at her and they continued jogging.

       A fairly empty alleyway caught her eye. It would get them to the infirmary quicker, so she didn’t hesitate. There was one walker crossing the gap on the other side, but she took care of it without another thought. Her knife crunched through its temple, embedding itself in its brain. She yanked her knife back with a grunt. When she looked up, she saw the infirmary across the street. The walkers were less on this side of the community. Most of them still roamed around near the front gate.

       She bolted for the porch, briefly glancing back at Noah to make sure he was still following her. And he was. She thought he would’ve slowed her down, but she’d been wrong. Now, she had someone to watch her back. Beth took the stairs two at a time, walkers hot on their tails. Her fists banged on the door and a loud echo sound went through the house.

       A thump sounded behind her and Beth knew Noah had dropped a walker that got too close. “Open the door!” she yelled, a sense of panic starting to set in, but she knew there had to be people in here. The door was locked. With her fists covered in Daryl’s blood, she banged on the door again and again.

       “Beth!” Noah yelled from behind her.

       She turned to see a dozen walkers descending on the porch, “Open the door!”

       And everything shut down. Her mind went quiet. All the fear and the panic disappeared because she had one goal. And no one, not even the dead, would keep her from doing it. Beth felt herself pull her other knife and join Noah’s side. No one was going to keep her from getting back to him. She wouldn’t fail him. She couldn’t live without him.

       Beth was ready to fight when she heard the squeaking of the door hinges behind her. Someone gripped her arm and pulled her backwards through the door. She was just barely able to grab Noah, before the door slammed shut, the sounds of the dead now muffled.

       She took in the scene around her. The room was packed with people. Every single one of them sweating, bloody, and exhausted. Her eyes landed on Carl, Mika, and Judith in the middle of the room. Her shoulders sagged in relief at the sight of Judith in her brother’s arms. Then, she realized Maggie was the one gripping her arm. Her eyes were wide with surprise, but she didn’t have time to explain. She pulled her sister to her, gripping her tight.

       “Glenn’s alright, but… Daryl… he’s been shot,” Beth stuttered out, not having had to say it out loud yet, “A doctors with him, but I need supplies and Denise. He’s…he can’t hold on much longer.”

       Denise stepped forward, visibly shaken up, but responsive, “Where was he shot?”

       “Just below the collarbone. He needs blood…” she answered.

       Denise started rummaging around, gathering medical supplies and throwing them into her bag, “Anyone O negative?”

       A lull of silence filled the room. A wave of shame washed over her. How could she not know Daryl’s blood type? Maybe in a different life it wouldn’t have mattered all that much, but this was the world they lived in. How could she not know?

       A voice broke through the silence, “I am.” Aidan stepped forward, his face and clothes covered in blood, but his eyes were bright and clear, “I’ll go.”

       Tears welled up in her eyes, a mix of relief and overwhelming gratitude filling her as she nodded towards him. She would have to thank him properly later, if they all made it through this alive.

       His voice raised as he addressed the room, “We clear a path so they can get in. No man left behind, right?” He phrased it as a question to everyone, but it wasn’t much of a question. It was a demand. A command. Beth thought he looked like a leader being born from the ashes of his grief. Aidan looked to Maggie for confirmation, making sure he hadn’t stepped on her toes.

       She nodded, a soft smile on her face, “Alright, let’s get this show on the road.”

       It was the first time Beth felt like the divide between Alexandria and her family finally disappeared. They were together.

 

 

       Maggie stayed behind to lead the push towards the gate. It would be hard and dangerous, but if everyone stuck together, they’d make it. Walkers had accumulated outside the infirmary, thanks to her yelling, so they took the back door. Aidan led the way. Beth stayed at Denise’s side, hoping to keep her calm since she was the least experienced and most skittish. She kept an eye on her as they hurried through the walkers, trying to keep as quiet as possible.

       They left a few dead walkers in their wake, but it wasn’t long before they made it back to the manhole. It was still open exactly how Beth left it. Noah went down first, then Denise. A walker went to grab for Aidan, but her knife met it first.

       “Go,” Aidan urged. She didn’t argue and she descended into the darkness. Her eyes were glued to the opening above her, waiting for Aidan to follow. Her breathing started to increase. By the time she hit the floor, he still hadn’t come through. Then his feet appeared. He came down a couple of steps before his hand reached back up and he pulled the manhole cover back in place.

       Beth let out a breath. She was so certain a walker was going to grab for him. Once his boots hit the ground, she started jogging to the sewer’s exit. She had already been gone too long. She couldn’t live without him. She prepared herself. Sealing all her emotions behind a wall, as the exit came into view. She had to be strong for him. Nothing else mattered.

       She threw open the grate to the outside and saw the truck sitting where she left it. Glenn was pacing next to the tailgate. No matter how much she tried to prepare herself, nausea still overcame her when she saw Daryl. He somehow looked worse in the twenty minutes she’d been gone.

       There were no exchanging of words or pleasantries. Denise immediately handed her medical bag to Steven and he got to work. She watched helplessly from the sidelines as Denise set up the direct transfusion. She hastily inserted the I.V. into Daryl and Aidan’s arms. The blood started slowly descended through the tube from Aidan into Daryl. Her heart rate started to speed up as Steven became more frantic.

       Until he finally snapped out, “Beth, flashlight.”

       Her body immediately moved, grabbing the flashlight from his outstretched hand. She clambered up into the truck bed and kneeled down on the other side of Daryl’s head. She shined the flashlight directly on his wound, not needing to be told what job she had to do. Dr. Edwards started rummaging through his wound and Beth couldn’t be more thankful that Daryl was still unconscious. She wasn’t sure she could handle his moans of pain on top of everything else.

       Beth looked around to see Glenn and Noah trying to break down the walker barrier, so they could get the truck through. There were so many and only two of them, but they moved like their lives depended on it. They shoved body after body aside, eventually making a small hole. It was a start.

       “Shit…” Steven muttered, as he shifted to look at the wound from a different angle.

       Her heart dropped.

       “Bullet broke into fragments. Four, from what I can see,” he said, directing his comment towards Denise.

       “How deep?” Denise asked.

       “Three are shallow, but one is going to be a problem. We have to get him inside. I can probably take out the three shallow ones here, but the fourth…”

       Her knuckles turned white as she clutched the flashlight, but she stayed focused on his words long enough to say, “Do it. Save him.”

       Dr. Edwards nodded and got to work, “Hand me the isopropyl, scalpel, and forceps.”

       Denise pulled them all out of her bag and passed them to Edwards. Beth watched as he splashed his wound with the alcohol and dosed the medical equipment and his hands. The second he put the scalpel to Daryl’s wound was the moment she started to shake. She couldn’t live without him. He cut open the wound to give him better access to the bullet fragments

       Beth brought her over hand up to hold her wrist, trying to minimize the shaking. Even though everything was starting to blur together, she saw the glint of a piece of bullet shimmer amongst the blood. Edwards pulled that one out first. As he let it fall somewhere in the truck bed, she heard a groan emanate from below her. Beth’s head whipped to the source of the noise and saw Daryl shift. Another moan of pain left his lips and she crumbled.

       “Daryl…” she whimpered under her breath. A part of her was relieved he was waking up, but another part of her wished he’d stayed unconscious.

       His eyes fluttered open and she’d never been more thankful to see his eyes. She hadn’t been sure she’d ever see them looking at her again. Another groan came out as he tried to move, but she stopped him.

       Edwards held him down, “Daryl, listen to me. You’ve been shot. I need you to stay as still as possible. The bullet fragmented and one of them is close to an artery. If you move too much, it’ll nick it.”

       Beth stared at him stunned, “Why didn’t ya tell me that?”

       “You need to hold him down,” Edwards said, avoiding her question.

       She looked back down at Daryl, whose face was scrunched up in pain, but considering the amount of blood he lost and the forceps digging around in his wound, he was holding it together well. Beth handed the flashlight to Denise as she shifted positions to better hold him down. She wasn’t sure how much of Edwards’ words Daryl actually heard. Her forearm rested over the other side of his chest and her hand snaked into his hand, squeezing hard enough for the both of them.

       Leaning down towards him, she whispered softly, “I’m sorry. You’re gonna be alright…  Try not ta move.”

       Edwards went in for another fragment and Daryl’s hand closed around hers in a death grip. His head thudded against the bed of the truck as his face contorted in pain. His pain became hers. And there was nothing she could do. He groaned through his clenched teeth. Beth wanted to take all his pain. She would happily take it all from him, but all she could do was watch helplessly. Uselessly. She couldn’t live without him. Another clang of a bullet fragment hitting the truck bed pierced the air. Only two more.

       “Next ones deeper. He’s going to try to move and you need to fight him,” he gestured towards Denise, “Give the flashlight to him and help her hold him down.”

       Denise switched with Aidan and got into position. Beth repositioned and hunkered down, expecting the worst. She couldn’t watch as he started digging into his wound, but she quickly realized that wasn’t nearly the worst part. Unrecognizable noises started coming from Daryl, each worse than the last. She’d never heard anything like it. He jerked underneath her trying to move away from the thing causing him pain. Tears escaped her eyes as she held herself back from screaming at Edwards to stop.

       Then, he stopped moving. His body went limp against hers.

       Her head whipped up to look at Edwards. He dropped the third bullet fragment before placing three of his fingers on the underside of Daryl’s wrist. A grave look crossed his face, “His pulse is weak. We need to get him inside now. I can’t do anymore out here.”

       He started packing his wound again. As if on cue, she heard the screeching of metal grinding on metal behind her. She turned to see the Alexandrians stood on the other side of the open gate, having fought their way to the front so they could get in. They were still hacking away at walkers trying to clear the way. Some went out to join Glenn and Noah.

       Beth turned one last time to look at Daryl. And she knew what she had to do.

       She brought his limp hand to her lips and said under her breath, “I love you.”

       Beth stood and clambered out of the truck, leaving Daryl behind her. Leaving everything behind her. She heard her name being called, but it faded before it ever reached her ears. Her hands clutched the two knives at her sides. She unsheathed them.

       Air filled her lungs as she breathed in deep. She crossed the walker barrier. She let the sounds of gnashing teeth and roars fill her ears. She let the smell of the dead fill her nose. And she sank. She sank deep. It wasn’t a slow descent either. It was violent and merciless. She never realized how close to the edge she was until this moment. She crossed the line and watched it fade behind her. Beth sank passed the point where she shot the Claimer in the face. She sank passed the point when she killed the woman in the convenience store. Passed the point where she killed the two Wolves.

       Every ounce of rage, hatred, fear, and grief she constantly pushed down rose in its place. Everything she’d been avoiding and burying boiled over. Beth was no longer in the driver’s seat, so she watched from the recesses of her mind as she walked towards the gates of Alexandria. And towards the awaiting horde.

       She couldn’t live without him. And she wouldn’t.

Notes:

That was a long chapter guys and we're now in the thick of it. Beth has an extremely arduous emotional journey through this chapter. She's fighting a lot of things internally. She goes from trying to stay numb to feeling the overwhelming pain one does when someone they love is in agony. Then, at the end, she goes to a place she's been scared of since she killed that woman in the convivence store. She does it because she has a job to do and that's the only way it was going to get done.

So, Daryl was shot and the bullet fragmented near the right subclavian artery. Based on the series finale, we know Daryl has the universal blood type, but Beth doesn't know this. It was just lucky that Aidan had the universal blood type. I went back and forth about a couple things regarding Aidan in this chapter, but I think how it ended up fits his character well. Denise is freaking out, of course, but she was able to pull herself together quicker since she already had to deal with the Wolves and helping a few other Alexandrians after the horde broke through the gates.

Another thing I'd like to address is why no one is using guns. This is purely because no one wants to draw more in. The Alexandrians made a hard decision to lock the horde into Alexandria so they could avoid having more walkers spill in by leaving the gates open. Using knifes, hatchets, axes won't draw walkers towards one person. I mean look what happened to Nicholas. No more than ever they don't want t draw more in because Daryl, Edwards, Denise, and Aidan are sitting in a truck out in the open unprotected.

Rick, Michonne, Aaron, Sheppard, and Tanaka are on the way!

Anyways, all the love to you all. I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you next Sunday <3

Chapter 24: Hours Gone By

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Another long chapter for you. And I think its one you'll like even though a lot of this chapter is inner monologue.

However, trigger warning for suicidal thoughts. Its not super apparent and its very brief, but I felt it necessary to add the trigger warning. Its a hopeful ending I swear! I wouldn't do that to you guys.

I do hope you enjoy the chapter and I hope you all have a lovely restful break! Come chat with me in the comments! All the love <3

Knowin' You're Alive Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0l4DlTiWseLaxa3jksjZKX?si=7cd3a6facc144b95

       She was the walking dead. There was nothing, except killing. Nothing, except blood. Nothing, except moving forward. Her existence boiled down to one goal: Clear. She was lost, unable to pull herself out of whatever pit she’d fallen into. Her entire being ignited with the sole purpose of dropping anything around her that moved. The knives she carried had become an extension of her hands, fusing to her body. Every time her knife entered a skull, she felt it like it was her own hand ripping away the last bit of life. And every time she did, she sank a little deeper.

       Nothing was certain, so she made sure every kill was exactly that: certain. She wouldn’t fail. She would become what she had to so she could survive. So, he could survive. So, they all could survive. She’d sink passed the point of no return if it meant they all got to live. She’d tear the world apart brick by brick, burn it down, let it consume her, if he got to live. She’d become one of them. One of the dead. She didn’t care. What did any of this matter? What was any of this for, if not to protect the people she loved?

       Her knife drove into the skull of a walker, the squelching barely registered anymore. Her boot kicked out the legs of another approaching from the left. It stumbled towards her and into her awaiting knife. She moved three steps forward to meet the next one. This one used to be an older man. He was emaciated. She could easily see all his ribs. Beth blinked and the walker was crumpled at her feet. There was finally an open space in front of her and she was grounded in reality. The droll numbness receding long enough for her to check her surroundings.

       Beth had cleared an area right of the gate. It was the first time she registered who was stood next to her. Maggie, Morgan, Dwight, Sherry, Carol, and Tyreese were all with her. Doing their best to clear out a path, but even with all of Alexandria together, they weren’t clearing quick enough. They needed to lead them away from the gate, get the truck through, shut the gate, then finish taking out the rest of the walkers.

       She reached for her sister, who was checking on Glenn, “We gotta lead ‘em away from the entrance. By the time we clear all’a them…”

       Maggie’s face was grim, “I know.”

        A wave of exhaustion crashed into her. It was like she was dragging herself through a never-ending nightmare at a snail’s pace. Small. Useless. And slow. She wanted this to end. She wanted to be with Daryl, but she had a job to do first.

       “I gotta gun. I can lead ‘em away towards the armory. Can take ‘em out over there,” she said, already checking her gun. Before Maggie could argue, a couple walkers started circling around their group. Three of them descended on Sherry and Dwight.

       Beth rushed over and yanked one of them away from Sherry by the nape of its neck. She drove her dagger through the back of its skull and threw it to the ground. More were coming towards them and they had gotten themselves into a bad spot. The wall was behind them and they were surrounded on all sides.

       “Shit,” Dwight murmured, “How many rounds you got in that thing?”

       Beth didn’t even have to look. She already knew, “Not enough.”

       Morgan and Carol were jutting out from the semi-circle they had created to kill walkers one by one, but they were closing in, forcing them all to stand shoulder to shoulder. Beth raised her gun, ready to make a hole so they could break through.

       She fired. The rapid bangs of the semi-automatic going off in her ears. The walkers closest to them all dropped. Her eyes scanned the small horde in front of them for a weak spot. And she found it over to the left near Maggie and Tyreese.

       “Cover me!” She shouted over her shoulder at Dwight and Sherry.

       Beth stalked towards the weak spot in the horde and fired her remaining rounds, opening a small gap. Dwight and Sherry were right behind her, covering her back. She didn’t need to shout to the others to make a break for it. They already knew what she was doing. Morgan went through first, using his staff to force the stragglers away. Then, Maggie and Tyreese broke through. By the time Carol made it through, the horde was closing around the gap she had made.

       Maggie’s panicked voice pierced through the air, “Beth!”

       They were separated and she had no bullets left. She took out her knives again, not yet accepting this would be the end. Dwight and Sherry did the same. All of them regripping their weapons. They couldn’t move backwards anymore, since the wall was right on them. It was a blessing and a curse. They wouldn’t be surprised by anything coming up behind them, but there was also no where to move.

       Sherry’s machete slid through the forehead of the first walker that got too close. Mentally, Beth split the small horde into thirds and she focused on taking out her third. The numbness came back and cradled her in its arms. She let it consume her as her blade took out walker after walker, but they kept closing in. No matter how many they dropped, more seemed to pop up and take their place.

        Everything sped up as she clocked a walker rushing for Sherry. Dwight was too busy fighting off two and Sherry didn’t see this one coming. Beth ripped her knife from the skull of a walker and without hesitation, she gripped the blood-soaked blade and threw her knife. It embedded into its temple and collapsed. Sherry was just able to side step the falling body.

       Sherry’s wide eyes found hers a ‘thank you’ resting on her lips, but Beth was already dealing with the next wave. Now, she was one knife down. Although, she couldn’t say she regretted it.

       Beth could vaguely see the heads of the Alexandrians on the other side of the horde, trying to hack their way through to them. But she knew they wouldn’t be able to hold them off for much longer. She kept fighting, then a walker grabbed ahold of her arm yanking her towards the chomping maw of another. Panic flooded her veins as she realized this was the end. Gnashing teeth filled her vision and the stench of rotting flesh overwhelmed her. Beth pulled way, but it was no use. The walker was going for her neck when blood exploded in her face, completely drenching her. Dwight’s machete taking off the head of the walker whose jaw was about to clamp around her neck. She fell backward against the wall as the arm gripping her was severed.

       She barely had any time to register what happened, when she heard a booming voice yell over the horde, “Get down!”

       Her brain immediately recognized Rick’s voice. They had made it. None of them second guessed his command and they all dropped to their knees, hugging the wall. Dwight covering both her and Sherry. The minute all three of them dropped a chorus of gunfire erupted throughout Alexandria. Beth almost half expected to feel the teeth of a walker clamp around her arm or tear at her back, but it never came.

       The guns kept firing until she heard the last walker drop behind them. Her heavy breathing was the only sound in her ears for a moment, before arms wrapped around her and pulled her close. Maggie was holding her tight, “Don’t ever do somethin’ that stupid again!” All Beth could do was laugh, a wave of relief washing over her. Some part of her knew it was probably an inappropriate response, but she didn’t care. They were all still alive. Over her sister’s shoulder she got a glimpse of the carnage around them.

       When she was finally able to detach herself from Maggie, she stared at the bodies littered everywhere. There was barely any space to walk. Standing on the other side of the mess were Michonne, Rick, Aaron, and the two others that were traveling with Edwards and Noah. They were alright and they brought firepower.

       Suddenly, the reason why they were doing all this came crashing back. Her head turned towards the gate looking for the truck that carried Daryl. When she didn’t see it, her body tensed up, “Where’s the truck?”

       Carol was the one that responded, “It found a way through. They should be near the infirmary by now.” That’s when Beth realized, the horde had been mostly dealt with. There were still walkers around, but the extra firepower had taken out a big chunk of them. Even the gates were finally closed.  

       They’d done it. All of them. Together, as Alexandrians.

       Dwight wiped his blade on a walker-free part of the grass, “Ya’ll go. We got the rest of this.” Sherry, Dwight, Tyreese, and Morgan all joined Aaron and the others to finish what was left of the horde. And she didn’t need to be told twice.

       She sprinted to the infirmary. Some of the others following suit. It felt like her feet were barely touching the ground as she weaved through all the dead bodies. It didn’t take long to get there with Alexandria mostly clear of walkers now. The dead littered the front lawn of the house. The truck was haphazardly pulled up next to the porch. Her heart was in her throat as she took the porch steps two at a time and rushed into the infirmary.

       The door slammed against the wall with the force she used to open it. All she registered was chaos. People were moving around frantically. Some were shouting, some were resting solemnly. White noise drilled into her head as she caught a glimpse of Daryl still unconscious and laid out on a bed. She started running to him, but someone stopped her halfway across the room. She looked over her shoulder to see Rick. His blue eyes were glassy. And the way he looked at her made her whole being fill with fear. What had he seen that she hadn’t? The sea of people around Daryl finally split and all the breath left her body. Beth hadn’t clearly seen what was happening when she ran in. Now, she understood.

       She watched helplessly as Edwards did chest compressions. Watched as he broke Daryl’s ribs trying to keep him alive.

       Her legs gave out from underneath her, but her eyes remained on his unresponsive form as Edwards and Denise did everything they could to bring him back. Bile rose up in the back of throat because he looked like he could’ve just been asleep, but she knew better. She couldn’t hear any of the chaos around her. All she could do was watch in horror. When her knees finally connected with the floor, the realization hit her at the same time. Daryl was dead. He was dead and she was too late.

       Beth had nothing left to give. She retreated. She could have been screaming, sobbing, cursing, fighting. She didn’t know, because she retreated into her mind where the only thought that circulated was: you should’ve died when you had the chance. It would’ve saved her from this fate. Destined to lose everyone she loved one by one.

       Someone was pulling her up from the ground, trying to get her to stand. She just watched Edwards continue to do chest compressions, sweat sliding down the sides of his face. Then, he stopped, his head turning towards something next to the bed. She wanted to scream at him to keep going. To save him, but she was too late. Daryl was dead.

       She caved under the unbearable, crushing anguish that tore through her. She tried to claw away from it, but it was everywhere and with each passing second it got worse. Her head thudded against someone’s chest as she threw it back so she didn’t have to see his lifeless body. She couldn’t do it. She didn’t want to be here. Not anymore.

       A callused hand that reminded her too much of Daryl’s gripped her jaw and forced her to look at the bed. She tried to rip her head from whoever held her, but they persisted. Maybe, she had died and gone to hell. Maybe, this was her punishment to endure. To forever watch him die over and over again. It wasn’t until Maggie came into view clearly rushing towards Daryl, that Beth’s hearing started coming back. The white noise faded and she stilled.

       Silence. And then, she heard the unmistakable sound. The beep, beep, beep of the heart monitor filled the room.

 

 

~

 

           

12 Hours After

       It was interesting how open people were when they thought no one was listening. She may have been unable to speak or move, but she could still hear. Although most of her energy went to listening for Daryl’s heartbeat, she could still tune into the conversations happening around her. People let their guard down, thinking she wasn’t aware enough to comprehend. Sometimes, she was grateful for the chatter. It provided a reprieve from her emotional and physical paralysis.

       Time stopped for her and it moved on for everyone else. She was stuck in the moment in time when Daryl’s heart stopped. She couldn’t leave him in case he decided he didn’t want to fight anymore. She laid curled up against his side, her body and mind completely numb. Her sister was the first one to speak to her. Beth didn’t know if it had been hours, days, or weeks since his heart stopped and she watched Daryl die.

       Maggie’s hand brushed her hair over her shoulder, “Bethie, ya should clean up. I’ll stay with him.”

       Beth wanted to. She really did, but she couldn’t move. The pungent, coppery smell of dried walker blood clung to her skin. It swirled around in her nostrils and mixed with the smell of her own sweat. She knew she must’ve looked like she stepped out of hell itself, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t move. Her eyes stared at the same point on Daryl’s chest. She knew every crevasse and stitch of his wound. Beth saw it when she closed her eyes. The slow rise and fall of his chest made it expand and contract.

       Her sister’s hand fell to her side with a thud, “Don’t do this again. Don’t disappear on me.”

       Her heart ached. Beth wanted to reach out to her. But breathing had become difficult. Living, even harder. She wanted to prove to Maggie that she was as strong as she thought she was, but she wasn’t. Losing her mama had taught her that she wanted to live, even despite what the world became. Losing her daddy had taught her resilience. For the life of her, she couldn’t figure out what losing Daryl would teach her. She couldn’t live without him. Without Maggie. The two people that mattered the most to her. She was lost.

       Beth heard the breath catch in Maggie’s throat as she spoke roughly, “Daryl wouldn’t want this.”

       Maggie always knew what buttons to push. A searing bolt went through her spine and something deep within her stirred, wanting to wake up and snap back. Yell at her because how could she know what Daryl wanted? A small part of her knew she was right, but she had no right to pull those string and make those claims. What if Glenn had been the one in the bed?

       Immediately when the thought crossed her mind, she regretted it. And she turned further inward. She wouldn’t wish this on anyone, especially her sister. Beth wanted to apologize, but realized she hadn’t said any of it out loud anyway. She wanted to speak, to move, to clean up, but she just couldn’t.

       Then, Maggie left. The door of the infirmary shutting hard behind her.

 

~

           

22 Hours After           

       The sun had just set when someone else approached her. They pulled up a chair on the other side of the bed. Aidan sat down within her sights. He looked better than he had when he practically drained himself of blood for Daryl. The redness had returned to his face. Beth didn’t know how long he sat and watched over her, but he didn’t utter a word until something seemed to break him from his stupor.

       He cleared his throat, his hand coming up to rub his face once, like he was building up the courage to speak. He let himself fall back into the chair, “When you guys first came here, I thought it was just outta convenience and, maybe, familiarity. We’d all heard the stories about you guys getting split up and finding your way back to each other. I never got it until… until I saw you with him in the back of that truck. Don’t think I’d ever seen that kind of… anything. At least, not for real. What you did for him. What you do for each other. That’s some rare shit.”

       Aidan paused, leaning forward in his chair, his elbows resting on his knees, “You’re the one that told me I had to find something to live for. It all might feel like it’s going to shit now, but you have a lot of people here that’re worth living for.”

       Beth felt a tear roll over the bridge of her nose and fall into her hair. She knew what the Alexandrians had thought of her and Daryl when they first showed up. They may have kept it to themselves, but nosy people always saw things. They saw the looks passed between them, saw how they were together more than they were apart, saw how she always reached for him. She knew they judged them by the old-world rules and even then, they had no right. She knew they looked at him like the man Daryl always feared he was. They looked at her with pity like she couldn’t make her own damn decisions. They hadn’t known what they’d been through. Maybe, they had heard stories. Rumors. But they didn’t know. Not really.

       That was all before. Now, everything had changed. Alexandria pulled together to save him like he was one of them. It would’ve been easier to claim that one man’s life wasn’t worth compromising the safety of everyone else. Everyone had put their lives on the line, not only for Daryl, but for their home. And it wasn’t just their home anymore. It was hers. It was Daryl’s. It was Rick’s, Maggie’s, Judith’s, Michonne’s. They were all Alexandrians.

       And they were all worth living for.

 

~

 

46 Hours After           

       Beth hadn’t eaten. In the back of her mind, alarm bells were going off telling her she needed to eat and drink something. She was a long way off from it becoming a true problem, but those alarm bells had developed during the winter they spent out on the road after the farm. They only became more apparent after the prison. Thinking about the days after the prison fell, brought back an onslaught of memories she wasn’t ready to face.

       She remembered following Daryl’s angel wings. Remembered it being the only thing she could comprehend. She remembered his anger, his silence, his cold distantness. She thought he had hated that he was stuck with her: the useless farm girl that still had her head in the clouds. Now, she knew better. It had all been fear and guilt. They came a long way and she wouldn’t trade that for anything, but she would do it all over again if he got to live.

       Daryl’s chest was still rising and falling, the beeping of the monitor confirming it. He was still alive, but he wasn’t. He was somewhere else and wherever it was, she hoped it was peaceful.

       A soft creak interrupted her spiraling thoughts. It must have been from the door opening because it was followed by soft footsteps. They paused just out of her line of vision, but whoever it was she didn’t recognize them by their walk. There was a dull metal thud on the floor somewhere below her and a sudden sound of water splashing. It sounded like someone was wringing out a washcloth.

       Deanna suddenly appeared. Her face wasn’t warped into grim pity or guilt like everyone else’s had been. In fact, if she had to guess, she looked hopeful. The corners of her lips were upturned slightly. It was the same all-knowing look she had when they first came to Alexandria, like she was seeing something no one else was. Deanna carefully lifted one of her hands from Daryl’s chest, pausing to check she didn’t object. She started washing her still bloody hands with a wet washcloth.

       The water was warm and Beth imagined it was washing away all the bad, all the nightmares, all her fears, her guilt, her agony. She tried to let it drain away with the blood. Deanna pulled up a chair when she started on her face. Beth knew she was covered in blood, but she hadn’t realized how much of it was still on her face. The wash cloth came away stained dark red. For the first time in two days, Beth shifted. She turned her head up towards Deanna, actually looking at someone instead of through them. The smile that spread across Deanna’s face was bright and loving. No sign of judgment or fear that she hadn’t moved in three days. For a second, the image of her mother flickered through her mind.

       She continued cleaning her up, even going as far as finger combing her hair. It was the first moment of peace Beth had felt since she watched Daryl get shot. And she realized how much she still needed moments like this. She missed her mama and she missed being taken care of. Moments like this were so few and far between. When she pulled herself from the depths of her own prison, she had to thank her.

       Deanna got up from the chair. She ran her hand through her hair one last time before she finally spoke, “Dolor hic tibi proderit olim,” her gaze shifted between her and Daryl, “Someday this pain will be useful to you.”

       Beth’s heart hitched in her chest. And it felt like it started again because a sob left her throat. The wall she’d haphazardly built up around herself came tumbling down. And she let it all out. Deanna held her hand through it, allowing her room for complete and utter weakness.

       She buried her pain until it overflowed. Until she cracked, not wanting to burden others with a reminder of everything they already felt daily. A memory of a hot summer night on a porch in Georgia came back to her. She remembered telling Daryl they had to put it all away. Sometimes that was true, but it was also okay to be weak. And it was okay to break.

       But she had to use the pain to move forward.

 

~

 

70 Hours After

       The familiar clicking of cowboy boots awoke Beth from her slumber. It was the first real sleep she’d gotten in days. She pulled her hand from Daryl’s so she could turn towards Rick. The infirmary was empty, save for Edwards who was probably upstairs still sleeping. Rick held a sleepy Judith in his arms. As he pulled over a chair and sat down, she reached out a hand to caress Judith’s cheek. An unholy amount of guilt seized her as she looked at her.

       Beth had abandoned her. She’d disappeared and let her down. It was becoming a common occurrence. Rick huffed out a breath, “I can see what you’re doin’, Beth. Don’t. It’s not on you.”

       She let her gaze shift from Judith to Rick. Her eyes met his intense blue ones. He stared at her like he saw right through her, like he knew everything she was feeling. And, maybe, he did. She waited for him to continue, hanging on his every word for any sort of pathway out of this hell. He shifted Judith onto the other side of his lap, before he finally spoke, “I was gone a long time after Lori. Couldn’t see past it… I was lost. You stepped up for her when I couldn’t, when it wasn’t your burden to carry,” he glanced to Daryl, behind her, “You’re allowed to be lost. But come back ta us. There’s a new world out there an’ it’s waitin’ for ya. Both of ya.”

       A spark lit up inside Beth’s chest. Rick had always been a driving force for their family. He had become a standard that she measured others by. Measured herself by. He was a good man that only ever wanted his family to live. She trusted him wholeheartedly with everything, but above all else she trusted his words and his intentions. A new world had been reborn from the ashes of the old one and if Rick of all people saw a kernel of hope in that new world, she believed him. He had never led them wrong. Not in Beth’s eyes.

       The hand not holding Judith reached out and caressed the crown of her head. Her eyes dipped closed at the freely given affection. It continued to stoke the flames of the fire that had sparked inside her. Rick hiked Judith up his hip as he stood up, “Besides, ain’t gotta voice like yours to put her ta bed. Michonne an’ Carl probably sick of hearin’ me try.”

       The corner of her lip tugged upward and it didn’t feel like someone had forced it onto her face. It felt real. It felt like she wanted to live.

       Dying for someone was easy. Living for someone was the excruciating part. Daryl deserved more than someone only willing to die for him. Maybe it wasn’t: she couldn’t live without him. Even though the thought alone made her feel like the depths of her soul were being ripped out. Maybe it was: she never wanted to live without him. It wasn’t that she couldn’t. He told her she had to keep going that night out on the road. If something ever happened to him, she had to keep going. And she owed it to Daryl to try. If her worst nightmares came true, she’d carry his memory with her until her final breath left her body. She loved him. She always would.

       And she could live without him. She’d make room for the pain, so she could keep living for everyone else she loved.

       Her eyes scanned Daryl’s face, breathing picking up and resolve crumbling. Tears escaped her eyes as she whispered for the first time in what felt like forever, “If you need ta go…if its time, it’s alright. Ya don’t gotta fight. We’ll be okay. I promise.”

       With the truth ringing in the air, she grabbed onto all her pain.

       And Beth moved.

       She sat up slowly, nails embedding in her skin from her continuous lack of movement. Rick’s warm hand closed around her elbow, helping peel her from the bed. She lowered her feet to the ground and stood, wobbling slightly until Rick steadied her. It took her walking one step at a time all the way to the bathroom down the hallway before some of the feeling returned to her legs. It still wasn’t all back by the time Rick let her go and closed the bathroom door behind him.

       Beth looked around slowly letting the world in after blocking it out for so long. A fresh set of clothes were already sitting on the counter for her. No doubt something Maggie had done when she came to talk to her that first day. Her sister would be the first person she went to after she cleaned up. She hobbled to the shower turning it on full blast, wanting the water to be scorching hot so it could cauterize the gaping wound in her soul. So, it could burn away everything trying to drag her back to the blissful arms of numbness. She knew she had to fight.

       Her rotted clothes thudded to the floor at her feet, covered in dried guts and the blood of the person she loved. She kicked them away from her, disgust rolling in her stomach. And she stepped under the scorching spray. It took her breath away, her body recoiling away from the burning sensation, but she stayed put. She watched as the water turned pink at her feet. Watched as it washed down the drain, taking her impassiveness with it. The crushing weight of the possibility of the death of someone she loved eased slightly as she stopped holding it off. Beth let it hit her. Let it consume her. And with it came release. Release of holding something so unimaginable at arm’s length to avoid acknowledging it. She let it barrel into her and with it came a sense of peace.

       The pain would always be there, whether Daryl lived or died. She would carry that pain with her for the rest of her life, but it didn’t need to keep her from living. It still hurt to breath and it still hurt to live, but she’d keep going. She owed him that.

       She kept the shower short, not wanting to dwell within her own mind for too long. When she stepped out, the entire bathroom was foggy. The humidity made it hard to breath, so she hurriedly got dressed, not caring that her body and hair were still wet. Beth clambered out into the hall. Her muscles significantly loosened, but she still felt exhausted despite not having moved in days.

       As she approached the main room again, she heard Rick. His voice was thick with unshed tears, “I need you, brother.”

       Beth reached out for the wall. The force of his words hitting her square in the chest. She’d been so selfish. She wasn’t the only one that would mourn Daryl if he… she wasn’t the only one. Yet, she’d been acting like she was the only one in the world that cared about him. What about Carol: his best friend? Rick: his brother? Michonne? Carl? Maggie? Glenn? Some of them had known Daryl longer than she had. They all loved him too. It was selfish of her to think she was the only one feeling this pain.

       She took a deep breath and rounded the corner, ready to comfort Rick, like he’d done for her. Droplets of water splashed to the floor in her wake as she came up beside him. She stared down at Daryl, his chest still rising and falling without fail. The blood had returned to his face, but he still hadn’t woken up. Beth was weak from not eating, but she held at her hands so she could take Judith. The little girl leaned into her arms, still sleepy. Beth’s cheek rested on top of her head, soaking in her warmth and love.

       As a starting effort to bridge the gap between her and her family that had formed within the last couple days, she intertwined her free hand with Rick’s. She wanted to let him know that he could trust her with his grief too. She wouldn’t disappear again. They would get through this together.

       “Come on,” Rick nodded his head towards the door and she followed him. The minute the door opened and the fresh air hit her, she halted. A deep groan reverberated through her skull. She turned to Rick and quickly saw it wasn’t him who made the noise. Beth’s free hand dropped to her knife strapped to her hip, thinking they had missed a walker, but with one cursory glance around she didn’t see a threat anywhere.

       Her head whipped to Daryl and her brain finally caught up. The beeping of the heart monitor sped up slightly as another groan left his lips and his eyes flickered open.

Notes:

That was a rollercoaster. So, originally I was going to end this chapter on Daryl's heart stopping, but I couldn't do that to you all, so I made this chapter extra long, so we could end it on a hopeful note.

Beth goes through a lot this chapter and she kind of falls back into where she was after her mother "died". She has lost so many people she's loved and somehow it keeps getting worse. So, she retreats and goes into shock. I also want to reiterate that Beth is STRONG, but she's also still young. Her going through an emotional rollercoaster makes sense in my mind. This is her journey through going from "She can't live without him" to "she could live without him". She's working through a lot of that and I hope I was able to do it justice because its a big turning point for her character in this story.

We see her over a period of about three days. This doesn't mean that those four people were the only people to come visit Daryl or Beth. I just chose to highlight those four people because they all offered something special to Beth.

Edited Note: I do NOT think any of Beth's feelings are selfish! At the end of this chapter, she has a "realization" about her not being the only one that cares about Daryl and she calls her actions selfish. I think its important to note that I don't think they are, but I think her character would. Her guilt is manifesting as what she thinks is selfishness. Beth has every right to feel what she needs to feel and do what she needs to do and I think based on what we know about her character, this was an appropriate progression for her to go through.

And of course, Daryl is awake! I had so many other thoughts about this chapter, but I'm forgetting them all now lol. But I've rambled too much already. I love you all! Thank you for being the best and I can't wait to hear what you think! All the love <3

Chapter 25: How We Are Now

Notes:

Hello lovelies! We hit 10,000 hits!! That's actually crazy. You all are insane and I love you. Thank you so much for all your love and support. This story would've never been what it is without you all!

That being said, here is one of a couple fluff filled chapters that I owe you after the hell I put you through these last few chapters. And I have to say, this chapter is adorable and I hope you all like it!

Come chat with me in the comments! And as always my thoughts and explanations will be in the end notes. All the love <3

       "Daryl..." Beth warned, a hint of laughter in her voice that she couldn’t keep down, bubbling giddiness overflowing her supposed warning.

       "Hm?" He grunted, feigning irritation.

       "Quit movin' 'fore I mess this up."

       "Ain't nothin' ta mess up, girl."

       Beth leaned down over his shoulder and kissed his jaw. She'd been unable to hold herself back with her small shows of affection. He often grumbled about it, but she knew if it really bothered him, he would've told her off by now. She tried her best to reserve herself around others, but it had become hard. Every time she held herself back all she could think was, what if this was the last time? After watching him die, she had a hard time being away from him.

       Maybe she was crazy, but over the past week she'd noticed him doing the same. It felt like every chance he got he would find some way to touch her. Whether it was insisting on braiding her hair in the morning, so it wouldn't stick to her neck when she got sweaty, to when he would casually graze his hand against hers in passing. Although, what really tipped her off was how he would pull her against him at night. It used to always be her curling into him, inviting him into "her" bed. Now, it felt like their bed. Their room. It was their space.

       Dying seemed to have loosened his tongue too, which Beth would've found amusing if it weren't for the dying part. He was always a man who thought a lot, but didn't say much. So, she had to learn to read between the lines when it came to him. His actions still spoke for him more than his words, but he had stopped hesitating so much. It was like that night out on the porch in Alexandria. He had spoken his mind instead of editing himself, even if it was only to make her laugh and get her mind off things. Now, he wasn't holding back as much.

       But that unlocked a new fear. She knew Daryl would eventually ask about what happened after he got shot. And she wouldn't be able to lie to him. He vaguely knew what happened, but he still didn't know what she did. Or what happened after. She knew he would get angry and right now she really didn't want this little bubble of bliss to disappear just yet, but the truth loomed over the horizon. Sometimes she'd catch him staring at her, his head titled to the side, like he was trying to figure out whether he should ask or not. Beth just wanted a little bit longer.

       Daryl shifted in his chair, "Ain't got all day.”

       Beth snapped out of her thoughts and looked into the mirror at Daryl sitting down in front of her. One of his knees was bent up on the chair, his good arm resting on top of it. He looked like an outdoor cat forced to sit inside. She grinned, "And what do you have to do today?"

       Edwards and Denise had tried to basically strap Daryl to the infirmary bed, so he wouldn't go messing up his stitches. They had compromised and let him go but only if he promised to check in with them and, above all else, not do anything strenuous. So, he had shit all to do today and he knew it.

       He grunted as a response, knowing he was caught. Beth held back her laughter as she finally started running her fingers through his wet hair so she could begin cutting it. And she continued, "Ya made a promise an' ya ain't a liar."

       "Gonna make myself one, if I have ta spend another minute in this damn house.”

       "You can rough it in the backyard if it makes ya feel better," she teased. His head leaned back slightly into her hands as she made her first trim, the excess hair fluttering to the floor near her feet.

       "Got a smart mouth on ya today. Tryin' ta piss me off?" There was no real heat behind his words. A grin spread across her face as she focused on not messing up his hair. She missed this. The banter. The playfulness. A heavy cloud had settled over them for a while, which she was mostly to blame for, but it was starting to clear. She was finally able to look at him and not see his dead body in the infirmary bed. Those images visited Beth in her nightmares without fail, but the waking ones had stopped.

       "Careful. I'm the one with the scissors."

       Daryl huffed out a laugh. His piercing eyes meeting hers in the mirror. "Must got a death wish if you're threatenin' me with those dull pieces’a shit. Taught ya how ta use those for a reason," he said, flicking his eyes from her face to the knives at her hip. 

       Death wish. It was the same thing Maggie had said to her after she worked up the courage to finally go talk to her. Beth had let her yell. Let her accuse her of trying to get herself killed. As much as Beth wanted to argue, she couldn’t. The moment Daryl got shot, her life became almost worthless to her. It was worthless if she couldn’t save him. So, she may not have wanted to die per say, but it wasn’t like she had worked really hard to prevent it either. She’d been reckless and she hadn’t been thinking. So, she let Maggie yell until she couldn’t anymore.

       Then, she let her cry until she couldn’t anymore, because that guilt still lingered in Beth. She hadn’t thought about leaving Maggie behind if she died. She’d only thought about escaping the pain. Maybe, death wish was right.

       Daryl tone shifted, the playful banter gone, obviously noticing her change in demeanor, "Ain’t a mind reader. Gotta talk ta me.”

       She just needed a little more time. She shook her head, "I know… Later."

       A tense silence filled the room. The only sound was the periodical snipping of his hair. She allowed herself to drown in the monotonous task. Every now and then she glanced up to look at Daryl. He was biting the inside of his cheek, constantly watching her. His eyes moved with her like he was trying to scope out the truth. Beth avoided looking directly at him, the guilt eating her alive.

       The way he watched her was endearing, but also unnerving. He knew her better than anyone. All the good and all the bad, but even so, she couldn't help but imagine the look of disappointment on his face when he found out how weak she truly was. How far she'd fallen from the strong girl he'd grown accustomed to.

       I sure as hell never cut my wrists lookin' for attention.

       The ugly words sliced through her. It felt so long ago and they both had changed three times over since then, but she couldn't help dreading a similar reaction. She knew Daryl would never say those words now, but that was the thing about fear. It was irrational and persistent. It painted pictures of worst-case scenarios and presented them like facts. Fighting it was the only option. Trudging through it despite only wanting to do the opposite.

       Beth finished the back of his hair and needed to move to the front. She took a step back and ran her fingers through it, trying to shake out any excess. Her hands fell to her sides and she rubbed her wrist against her pants trying to get rid of the burning sensation that flared up around her scar. It pulsated and drove her close to insanity trying to get rid of the feeling. Fear always demanded to be seen and felt one way or another. She pushed it down as she circled around to face Daryl. At some point, his hand had come up and rested near his mouth. Her heart fluttered even with the inner turmoil going on in her mind.

       He was so beautiful. And it struck her hard in that moment. When she first saw Daryl, beautiful wasn't the word that came to mind. Intimidating. Dangerous. Interesting, maybe, but beautiful hadn't come until later. In the back of her head, she found him attractive even back on the farm. It had been more of an observation then, less of a feeling she actually dwelled on. Regardless, he always drew Beth's eye when he walked into a room, but now that she truly knew him, he was beautiful. He could captivate her attention without even being in the same room, easily occupying her mind.

       Her eyes flicked over his broad shoulders and chest, admiring every inch of the man in front of her. The arm resting on his propped-up leg revealed exactly what years of using a crossbow would do. His calloused fingers toyed with the edge of his lower lip. As dramatic as it sounded, even to her, she wanted to drown in him. Her eyes remained on his lips longer than necessary. Being so close to him didn't help. A shiver ran down her spine, making goosebumps appear on her arms.

       Beth took a deep breath and gathered her remaining wits to finish his haircut. Her hands shook a tiny bit from all the pent-up emotion she was feeling. From holding herself back. The doctor's warning rang in her mind: No strenuous activity. A few more snips at the front finished off his hair. When she finally stepped back to look at her work, it struck her how much a simple haircut could do. He looked how he did before the prison fell. She wouldn't say she'd done perfectly, but it wasn't a hack job either.

       Before she could completely exit his space, Daryl grabbed her wrist lightly, halting her. His thumb caressed the thin scar going across it like he was reassuring her. The burning there subsided, replaced by a whole different scorching sensation that she found more appealing. He glanced between her once trembling hand and her face; his eyebrows raised ever so slightly in question. He never missed a thing when it came to a change in her behavior.

       A shy smile spread across her lips. Her previous spiraling thoughts completely forgotten and consumed by thoughts of him. She wanted to be bold and claim what she wanted. Him. She wanted him. Flickers of images she'd long pushed down resurfaced. But, now, she knew what his lips felt like on hers and it only made all those things she wanted clearer. She craved him in a way she never had anyone else. In a way that hadn’t even crossed her mind in a long time.

       Daryl's hand slid up her forearm, pulling her from her foggy delirium. Her gaze focused back on him. Beth wasn't embarrassed to say he took her breath away. 

       His unspoken question still hung in the air and she wanted to give him an answer.

       "Think..." she caught her breath and committed, "Think I might be findin' Edwards' orders just as hard." No strenuous activity. 

       His whole demeanor shifted within a matter of seconds as her words set in. He sat up straighter, his grip tightening on her arm. Her pulse picked up at the shift in his eyes going from questioning to, what she could only describe as, fervor. She'd only vaguely mentioned the idea of the two of them together once. She blurted it out like an intrusive thought, insinuating they'd be worse than her sister and Glenn. But it wasn't intrusive. It was how she felt and she was tired of hiding it.

       She closed the gap between them and brought her lips to his. All her senses filled with him. His lips moved against hers as she sat down in his lap to get better leverage. What started as desperate and heavy turned into slow and healing. Beth opened up for him and let it devour her. His hand which hesitantly moved to her waist was now gripping her tightly against him.

       She groaned at the taste of him, only wanting to be closer. And that was the thing. She couldn't ever get close enough. It left her feeling overwhelmed and wanting more. She had a feeling she would always want more with him. One of her hands rested on his chest, clutching the front of his shirt. The other tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck.

       All those times she wanted to crawl into his lap amounted to this. He held her like he never wanted to let her go and that idea alone broke her. 

       Tears wet her cheeks, tracking a path down her neck. Every emotion was bombarding her all at once, but there was one more apparent than all the others. It felt like it was exploding out of her, unable to be contained any longer. Love. He was here with her. Alive. It was like her very soul was open and weeping out of relief. 

       Daryl pulled away first. He was breathing heavily with a wild look in his eyes but it softened when he saw her tears. He carefully wiped them away. Beth leaned into his touch, her eyes falling closed. No words needed to be spoken. He understood. He knew she still struggled with almost losing him. She melted into him, trying her best not to lean against the side of his chest with his wound and bruised ribs.

       "Gonna fuckin' kill that doctor."

       A laugh bubbled out of her chest. The little bit of levity he offered made her heart soar. Another part of her sang at the confirmation that Daryl wanted her just as badly as she did him. It made something in her gut tighten and ignite. His deep, rough voice didn't help either. She was starting to contemplate the benefits of Edwards disappearing if only so they could keep their promises. No strenuous activity. Edwards had pointedly raised his eyebrow at them both like they were two teenagers who couldn’t keep it in their pants.

       Beth found it funny. Daryl not so much, but Edwards was just being safe. She knew that. And she would forever be indebted to him for saving Daryl's life. He hadn't given up when his heart stopped, even when it seemed like it was all over. Denise and Aidan too. Denise had stayed calm and assisted Edwards. She wasn’t sure Daryl would be here without her. And Aidan had stepped up in a way she’d never be able to repay.

       “He’s gonna be leavin’ soon. Seems a waste,” Beth teased.

       "Ain’t fast enough,” he grumbled into her shoulder. She was feeling giddy and playful, so she did something braver than she’d ever done. She had been holding herself back as she kissed him, but a wave of pure electric energy passed through her as his breath hit her exposed collarbone. And she rolled her hips into his. Her body flushed as she felt him beneath her.

       His head flew up to look at her as his hands gripped her waist tighter. She froze above him. Her lips parted, trying to get as much air into her starved lungs as possible. His pupils were dilated and he looked two steps away from crossing the line. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach having Daryl look at her like that. No man had ever looked at her like that, or not that she noticed. Boys, maybe, but she hadn’t paid them much mind. This was darker and heavier. Agonizing. But there was so much love behind his hooded, simmering stare.

       Beth carefully untangled herself from Daryl, never breaking eye contact. His hands fell to her hips as she stood up in front of him. A shy smile spread across her lips, “Later.”

       His hands squeezed her hips, before falling back on top of the arms of his chair. He took in a deep breath, his chest expanding. He blew it out of his nose. All Beth could think was she was tempting someone who was already teetering on the edge of snapping. It was thrilling because she knew she was safe. She would always be safe with him, but she liked seeing the wild intensity at the edges of his eyes and in the tenseness of his shoulders and hands gripping the armrests.

       Footsteps coming up the stairs interrupted their heated exchange before Daryl could reply. Michonne appeared in the doorway not long after, “Hey, we’re meeting at Deanna’s in fifteen.”

       Beth tried to keep her voice steady and normal as she responded, “’Bout?”

       Michonne’s head titled to the side slightly as she looked between her and Daryl, her eyebrows raising, but she answered nonetheless, “Hilltop.”

       Hilltop. The new community. While Daryl was still unconscious, Edwards had revealed to Rick and Deanna that the four of them were already from another community. It came as a shock to everyone. Not only because there was another established community out there, but because they had made the risky decision to follow them back to Alexandria, even though they had a safer option: Go home. Taking risks was part of being on the road and looking for somewhere to settle, but that wasn’t a part of deal when someone already had a home.

       Noah had told her a little bit about it. Apparently, it was small and rudimentary compared to Alexandria, but it was home to them. The four of them were out on a run looking for supplies. They weren’t surprised to learn Hilltop was already under the iron fist of the Saviors. Deanna had immediately started talks of trade, thinking ahead to the future as she always did. Their hunting grounds would be depleted now because of the horde, so trading weapons or protection for food seemed like a good deal.

       She nodded, watching out of the corner of her eye as Daryl subtly shifted, “Alright.”

       Michonne turned to leave, a knowing smile on her face. She heard her get a few steps down the hallway when Michonne shouted, “Nice haircut.”

       Beth hid her laugh behind her hand, knowing full well Michonne was teasing them. When she turned back to Daryl, he was surprisingly calm and unbothered, which may have been scarier than if he was actually pissed. He finally stood up, wincing slightly from his still healing ribs. Although he tried to hide it, Beth saw it all. Daryl finally looked at her, “You go. I gotta talk with Denise first.”

       She didn’t want to leave him, but she never wanted to leave his side anymore. She had to force herself, not wanting to smother him to death. She knew he hated it when people ‘babied’ him. To her it wasn’t babying, it was taking care of someone she loved, but she had started to learn where the line was in Daryl’s head. Beth wanted to offer to go with him, but he would decline like he always did. He needed time alone, so she never argued about it. Her fear was her own to carry. She didn’t want to put that on him too.

       “Alright. See ya soon,” she said, backing out of the bathroom. He nodded as confirmation, his eyes following her until she cleared the threshold and started down the hallway. Beth made it all the way to the steps before she halted. An urge overtook her and before she could question it, she was walking back towards the bathroom. Daryl was right where she left him. His eyebrows raised in question and without hesitation she kissed him again. It was light and quick, but it still made her heart explode.

       When she pulled away, she saw the corner of his lips tugging upward. It made her own smile break out on her face as she turned around and walked back out. Not needing to say another word.

 

 

~

 

 

       “We’re goin’ in three weeks. And we’re gonna see.”

       Rick addressed the room, Deanna by his side. Her living room had become the de facto Alexandria council meeting room. Beth was happy to see Dwight, Sherry, and Tina in the mix with everyone else. They had proven themselves time and time again. She considered them family now and so did everyone else. Edwards and Noah were sitting with Glenn, clearly having settled in over the past week, but she could see how antsy they were to go home.

       Deanna stepped in, “Maggie and I will stay here. Rick will take a group to Hilltop with Noah and Dr. Edwards. We can all last on the food we have if we ration carefully. We have people ready to go on runs next week to keep us tied over.”

       Beth watched the reactions of everyone in the room. From what she could see, everyone was on board. Of course, not all of Alexandria was here. Some people didn’t care to know the going-ons of what kept their home standing. She didn’t blame them. They still pulled their weight. They just didn’t need to be a part of everything. It could be exhausting. If anyone understood that, it was her family.

       Beth was leaning against the threshold of the entryway, near the door. Every couple of minutes, she caught herself glancing through the windows of the door to look for Daryl. It had become an incessant habit. When he was gone, she found herself always looking for him until he came back. It was a constant battle trying to curb the paranoia and stress of being separated from him. She thought it was unhealthy before he almost died. Then, she hadn’t had to put effort in to cover it up. Now, those same feelings had increased tenfold and she was also constantly trying to appear normal, like almost losing Daryl hadn’t fucked her up too much.

       Rick spoke through her thoughts, “Sheppard and Tanaka are already on their way back, hopefully—”

       Her attention was pulled when the front door creaked open and Daryl slipped through mostly unnoticed. A wave of relief washed through her, immediately subsiding the nausea that started swirling in her stomach. She took a deep breath as he came to stand by her side. His hand lightly grazed her lower back before he crossed his arms and brought his attention to Rick. Beth smiled to herself, noting the little show of affection.

       A new thought occurred to her as she settled back into the meeting. Maybe Daryl was showing more affection because he noticed her struggling. Maybe she didn’t hide it as well as she thought. The minute the thought crossed her mind she wanted to ask him. She would give a lot to know what he was thinking.

       “World’s ‘bout to get a whole lot bigger,” Rick concluded, “An’ if we want any chance’a standin’ up to the Saviors, we’re gonna need people and firepower.”

       Just another threat ever looming on the horizon. They almost killed Daryl. Revenge. Retribution. It was owed. Beth pushed it away. One thing at a time. They were here now. They were alive. The Saviors aren’t a problem, yet. They would prepare and get ready for when it was time, but now was not the time. Recuperation and rebuilding were the most important thing right now. So, she focused on that. There were enough people focusing on the future. She could focus on the present. Many of the others seemed as uncomfortable by the prospect of the Saviors as she did.

       Dwight’s voice broke through the silence, “Hilltop and Alexandria won’t be enough. There’re too many’a them. A lot of them are only at Sanctuary to survive. It ain’t like here. Negan rules with fear. His right hands do too. If given another option, many of the people would choose a place like this. They ain’t all bad. Take out all the heads and the body will die.”

       “Jesus may be able to help with that. The numbers, I mean,” Noah replied, “He’s travelled more than any of us.”

       Rick nodded, “Alright. Dwight, ya good comin’ with us to Hilltop? Could use your insight, while we’re workin’ out a trade deal.”

       Dwight looked to Sherry, who gave him an almost imperceptible nod, “Yeah, I’m good.”

       Rick must have noticed the look because he revised, “Welcome ta come too, Sherry.”

       “No, I wanna stay with Tina,” she replied, shaking her head.

       Deanna stepped forward, “We have a lot to do in three weeks. Best we get started now.”

 

~

 

           

       The bed creaked under her as she let herself fall onto her pillow. After the meeting, Beth went straight to training with Abraham and Rosita. Hand to hand combat still made her sore, but not nearly as much as it had before. Daryl had stayed and watched, without her asking. It wasn’t like he had much to do anyway, but she was starting to wonder if he really did sense something off about her lately. He could just be trying to alleviate whatever stress she wasn’t hiding well enough, but she wasn’t going to lie. Having him within her sights while she was training made her head a lot clearer. She was sharper and less prone to being thrown off.

       Not being near him had become her weakness and a very big one at that. She knew she needed to work on it, but she just wanted a little more time. A little more time to just be and not have to fight or change. That was a big ask in this world. She was so exhausted and she just wanted more time.

       The bedroom door opening made her jump to attention, a bolt of fear zinging through her as she shot upright. Daryl stepped through, having come back from talking with Rick. He saw her fear immediately and said, “Just me.”

       Her fingers slowly unclasped the knife handle on her nightstand. She let out a breath, closing her eyes to steady her heartrate. It was Daryl. Just Daryl. Everything’s fine. She heard his boots thud to the floor and his vest hit the chair as she calmed herself down. When she had a hold of herself, she finally whispered out, “Sorry.”

       “Don’t,” he warned.

       Beth didn’t know why she was apologizing. Her instincts kept her alive, but there was still some guilt that came with jumping at someone she loved. She felt more than saw Daryl’s eyes on her as he walked to his side of the bed. The bed dipped behind her, but she didn’t turn around to face him. The question from earlier was tumbling through her mind and she didn’t know how to ask it.

       “Beth…”

       Him saying her name made her melt, “You remember what it was like bein’ out there just the two’a us?” She turned around to finally look at him laying on his back opposite of her. His blue eyes shone even in the dim light.

       “Yeah,” he answered without hesitation.

       “Ya think we would’ve ever ended up here… how we are now, if we had never decided ta turn back?”

       He stared at her, his eyes flicking over her face trying to read whatever emotion she was feeling. He didn’t answer for a while, but eventually it poured from his lips, “You askin’ me if I believe in fate?”

       “No, I just…” she struggled to get her words out right, “You seem different. More open. I just wanna know if it was always leadin’ to this.”

       He heaved in a breath before replying, “Ain’t gonna act like I had sum epiphany or nothin’. But, yeah, girl, it was always gonna lead ta this. Had me long before any’a this. Just took me awhile ta get here.”

       Beth had no words. She was too stunned to speak. Daryl always showed her he loved her and she never once questioned it after he confirmed it, but this was something else. This was like unlocking something sacred. She never thought this conversation would lead here, but she couldn’t have been happier it did. Because now she knew. It was all him and not some reaction to her being forever altered by watching him die.

       “I ever tell ya I love you?” She asked, curling into his side and soaking up all his warmth, basking in the answer he had given her. Her head rested on the uninjured side of his chest, right over his heartbeat. His arm wrapped around her automatically, like they’d been doing this for years.

       “Wasn’t sure,” he deadpanned, pulling her tighter to him. A breathy laugh escaped her, but before she could sass him back, he whispered low into her hair, “I love you.”

       Any comeback Beth had formulated in her mind immediately disappeared. And she let his words fill her mind, using them to replace any of the negative thoughts that still dwelled there. She realized she would never get enough of him. That he was it for her. There would never be anyone else. She would never love anyone like this again. And that was perfectly fine with her.

       Beth pressed her lips to his chest right over where his heart beat steadily before she replaced her lips with her hand. Her eyes fell shut, knowing this would be one of those nights she held close to her heart until her last breath left her body.

Notes:

Beth and Daryl in this chapter literally killed me ugh! I love them both so much. As you can see, Beth is still struggling. I mentioned many many chapters ago that Beth sort of developed an unhealthy codependency issue and that's coming out full swing after witnessing Daryl die. She is still able to do things on her own, but she finds it a lot harder than before, which is understandable. She struggles constantly with trying to give Daryl the space he needs and we've just scratched the surface on that. We'll get more into how Daryl is doing next chapter.

On to the fun stuff! Things are heating up! I couldn't just leave you guys hanging on "Think we'd be worse than Glenn and Maggie" and not follow through. But, of course, Daryl is only about a week out of the infirmary, so none of that until he heals a little bit more :) The haircut scene was something I had in mind all the way back in like chapter 6. I was finally able to fit it into the story, woo! And it ended up being a really sweet scene with a lot of helpful inner monologue from Beth. And, of course, it ended a bit spicy.

So, Hilltop is here, but not like we thought! Noah, Dr. Edwards, Sheppard, and Tanaka are all from Hilltop and we'll get a little bit more information on how they got there later. I thought it would be a fun twist, plus it fits well with what went down at the Hospital (in my mind at least). Dwight, Sherry, and Tina have decided to stay and they're all part of the family now. Yay!

Last but not least, the end scene. Honestly, this scene tied the whole chapter together for me. I was originally going to end the chapter on the council meeting, but something was missing, so I just kept writing. And I ended up with one of my favorite AU Daryl scenes I've ever written, so cheers to "just keep writing" lol!

Anyways, this was a long end note, so I apologize. I just loved this chapter so much. I wish you all the best and, as always, all the love <3

Chapter 26: What's Ours

Notes:

DOUBLE UPDATE: 1/2

Hello lovelies, I have two chapters for you guys and I'm uploading a bit early. I wanted these two chapters to be one, but I ended up having to split them. I didn't want to upload one without the other though, because they're very IMPORTANT chapters.

Thank you all for all the kind comments! You truly have no idea how much they mean to me <3

All the love to you all. Come chat with me in the comments of both chapters lol! Happy reading!

       Sunlight filtered through the kitchen windows, bathing the room in warm morning light. Beth carefully placed Judith in her highchair, running her hand through her hair. The smell of freshly brewed coffee swirled in the air and the atmosphere flung Beth back to summer mornings on the farm. She almost expected to see her mama walk around the corner or her daddy come through the door after feeding the chickens. She held the memory close to her heart, letting it fuel her rather than ruin her.

       “Mornin’,” she smiled at her sister and Carol. They both had coffee mugs in their hands, the smoke still rising out of them. Carol looked like she had just come back from somewhere, but Maggie looked like she’d just woken up. A chorus of ‘mornings’ enveloped her as she grabbed breakfast for Judith.

       “How’d ya sleep?” Maggie asked, sitting down at one of the breakfast barstools, an undertone of concern slipping through the cracks of her question.

       Beth had recently confided in her about having nightmares. It lessened the burden of always having to feel like she needed to look put together so no one suspected anything. They had gotten worse since Daryl, but having him by her side at night over the past two weeks helped quell her fears considerably. So, she nodded, “Better.”

       In fact, she hadn’t had any nightmares last night. She slept dreamlessly for the first time in a while. Waking up had been a lot less traumatic too. It allowed her to bask in the rarity of feeling warm and safe. She got to admire waking up next to Daryl. It had become almost second nature now, but it still took her breath away whenever she woke up before him. They’d come so far to get to this point, trekking through literal hell to get here.

       She never took for granted that the affection they showed each other wasn’t accompanied by anything else. Her daddy always warned her about the ‘things’ that men wanted, but with Daryl it never felt like an expectation. She was always the one that initiated everything. She was in control. While a part of her sometimes questioned if he ever wanted her like that, a bigger part of her was grateful. Even though the old world had died, there were still some values that were hard to let go of when she’d been raised with them all her life.

       Carol had rounded the island to say good morning to Judith, a genuine smile lit up her face, “Hope this one didn’t wake you up too early.”

       “Think it was the other way ‘round. Was up early an’ Rick needed ta go check the watch points.”

       “Mika still sleeps ‘til noon. Think she’s making up for all those weeks of having to get up at dawn.”

       Beth smiled thinking of the young girl who had grown so much since the prison. Her and Carl had become inseparable. Wherever Carl went, Mika went and vice versa. It warmed Beth’s heart to see. She knew Mika lost a sister, so she hoped whatever bond she lost she could gain back, even in the slightest, with Carl.

       “She with you today?” Beth asked.

       “Yeah, might take her outside the walls,” Carol replied, sipping her coffee, “Don’t want her forgetting how things are out there.”

       Maggie set her mug down, “Hard ta forget when the outside keeps gettin’ in.”

        A melancholy silence settled over them. Beth didn’t want the morning to start with remembering all the reasons why they needed to be afraid and ready to fight. She wanted it to be a good day, “We’re still here.”

       Carol’s gaze softened as she took her in, “Yes, we are.” She placed her finished cup of coffee in the sink, “Tell Daryl I’ll see him later.”

       Beth nodded in acknowledgement and lifted Judith’s arm to wave goodbye to her as she disappeared around the corner and out the front door. The woman never stopped going. She didn’t know how she did it sometimes. Beth had to remember to offer to look after Mika a couple days a week, so she could rest. Not that she would.

       “How’re ya doin’, Bethie?” Maggie asked out of the blue, as she started feeding Judith her breakfast of mashed bananas.

       Beth eyebrows raised slightly, “I’m fine. You doin’ alright?”

       Her sister nodded, bringing the coffee cup back to her lips, not seeming interested in answering. When she got like this, it was always because she was trying to get at something but hadn’t found a way to circle around to it naturally. She usually came right out with it, but when a subject was more delicate, she tried her best to ease into it. Or whatever Maggie thought ‘easing into it’ was.

       “What is it? Don’t want ya poppin’ a blood vessel,” Beth asked, cutting to the chase.

       A good-humored scoff left her lips, but she turned her whole body towards her finally. Maggie eyed her, hesitating, “Daryl… He’s… he’s good ta ya?”

       Beth stood in stunned silence, letting the question wash over her. Her sister had never questioned whether Daryl was good to her or not. Maggie already knew. She knew who Daryl was and how much he cared about her. About everyone. Beth didn't understand why she was asking now.

       "Of course...you know that," she responded, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Maggie shook her head, a small smile forming at the corner of her lips, "No, I mean...is he good ta you?" She reemphasized.

       Heat rose to her cheeks when she realized what she was actually asking. She was being a big sister. Beth fidgeted with Judith’s food, trying to gather herself. It wasn’t like she wanted to keep anything from Maggie, it just hadn’t occurred to her that anyone would even wonder about her and Daryl like that. She eyed her. “We...we haven't," she whispered back, even though no one was around to hear them.

       Maggie's eyebrows shot up. Beth made herself busy, cleaning up Judith's tray table even though it was pristine already. She could feel her sister's eyes on her. "Ya know you can talk ta me, Bethie. 'Bout anythin'."

       "I know," Beth sighed, giving into the awkwardness of the situation, "I want to, trust me, I do. But there's just always been somethin' in the way."

       She remembered having conversations like this before the world fell. They were always easier for Maggie than they were for her. And they were usually more teasing, but this felt more serious. Back then, Beth hadn't even been close enough with a boy to warrant having a real conversation. Jimmy was too timid to ever try anything and Beth wasn’t sure she had wanted him to anyway. Zach was different. She could admit to herself now that he was an escape. A sweet and kind one, but an escape nonetheless. He had tried to initiate things with her, but she always stopped it before it got too far. Zach would just back up, smile, and move on like it never happened. And she was grateful to the both of them.

       Beth found herself wanting to open up because her sister made a space for her to express herself without judgement.

       "Like what?" Maggie asked.

       She looked back up at her, so grateful that she was being so patient and understanding. Beth took a deep breath and asked the first question that came to mind, completely side-stepping Maggie’s question, "When Glenn asked ya to marry him, were you relieved?"

       A small smile tugged at her lips, "Relieved’s not really the right word. I was happy. An' scared," she answered, her eyes glazing over like she was reliving the moment in her head, "But it was the easiest decision I'd ever made."

       Maggie watched her as she took in her answer. Everything always seemed so easy with them. They didn’t question how fast they’d fallen in love or how quickly they got married. It was the natural progression of things. Maybe before the world fell, Beth would’ve been concerned that her sister was moving too fast, but none of that mattered now. What were societal standards when there was no society left?

       She opened her mouth to ask another question, before Maggie beat her to it. And somehow, she knew exactly what to ask, "Is that what ya want? With Daryl?"

       Beth wouldn’t lie. She nodded, too afraid to say it out loud. It seemed Maggie put together the two outwardly separate conversations. She followed the hidden string attaching them and yanked, revealing the true concerns she had.

       Maggie hopped off the barstool and rounded the island to grab her hand, "We were raised a lot differently, Beth. The dad you knew wasn't the one who raised me. Ya don't ever gotta apologize for what makes ya comfortable. Ya don't have ta do it how I did either. Me an' Glenn are very different than you an' Daryl. If ya wanna wait, ain't nothin' wrong with that. Just cause the old world's dead, don't mean everythin' has to die with it."

       She squeezed her sister’s hand, astonished that she put all of that together and somehow eased her fears. She wanted to be with Daryl in every conceivable way possible and she shouldn’t have to worry about when and how she wanted to do that. It floored her that even after the world ended such little things could worm their way into her mind. It didn’t have to be complicated.

       Maggie busied herself with washing her coffee mug, letting her advice stew in her mind. Soft thudding sounded from upstairs; an unintentional grin tugged on her lips realizing Daryl had woken up.

       "Oh and Beth?" Maggie chirped up, mischief in her eyes that she hadn’t seen in a long time.

       "Yeah?"

       "For the love of God, condoms. I ain't ready ta be an aunt."

       A laugh burst from her chest, mostly due to surprise, “You’re one ta talk.”

       Maggie shrugged, a big smile on her face, “If the shoe fits.”

       Just as she was leaving the kitchen, she heard Daryl on the stairs. Beth had to admire the good timing, thankful he hadn’t walked in sooner, but then again, maybe, he wouldn’t be all that put off by it. He walked into the kitchen, eyes darting between the pair of them. From his relatively calm and comfortable demeanor, she could she’d had a good night’s sleep. Maggie brushed a hand over Daryl’s good shoulder when she passed as a way of good morning. And she was out the door, no doubt visiting Glenn at the wall.

       “Mornin’,” Beth greeted. A new lightness engulfed her, making her feel like she was floating.

       Daryl nodded, entering the kitchen like he was clearing a room on a run, “Ya eat yet?”

       She shook her head, scooping out another spoonful of mashed bananas for Judith. The girl happily banged her hands against the tray table, bouncing in excitement for her next bite.

       He came up next to her, “Give it here. Go eat. Lil Asskicker an’ I got sum bondin’ ta do.”

       A warmth spread through her and settled in her chest. She handed off Judith’s food to him, letting her lips find his in thanks. It was quick and soft, but with no one around she wasn’t going to hold back. He went completely still, watching her as she turned to make them both some oats. The scrapping of the spoon on glass told her he gathered himself enough to finish feeding Judith. She gurgled behind her, bringing a smile to her face. Low murmurings from Daryl reached her ears. Beth peaked behind her to see him talking with Judith and it nearly made her heart explode. Seeing him with her always did something to Beth. Maggie’s teasing earlier didn’t help either. It made her wonder how he’d be if he ever had a kid.

       She pushed the thought down and locked it away, but she kept the key. She told herself it was ‘just in case’, but really, she didn’t have it in her to throw that possible future completely out.

       Instead, she turned her thoughts to the man behind her. Beth found it endearing how surprised Daryl always was when she kissed him. It was like he was confused about why he deserved it. That was exactly why she always tried to show him her love, especially when there was no reason behind her actions except that she wanted to.

       "Where're ya gonna be?" Daryl asked over the steady humming of the water heating up on the stove.

       "Got Judith this mornin'. Then, gotta shift on the wall with Rosita,” she leaned against the counter, “Keepin' tabs on me now?" She teased, barely keeping the grin from her face.

       "Somethin' like that," he replied, watching her intently like he didn't want to miss a thing. The empty jar of mashed bananas forgotten on the counter. His intense blue eyes were making her heat up under his gaze. There was a burning behind them that matched hers. It was like she could see right through to his thoughts. And she was sure theirs were both the same.

       "Stop," Beth said, her tone dropping unintentionally.

       "Hm?" He rumbled, shifting towards her slightly. Standing up to his full height and taking a couple steps towards her.

       "Don't 'hm'," she mimicked, "Quit lookin' at me like that. Ain’t playin’ fair." Beth felt her cheeks warm as she called attention to the unspoken tension between them, calling it what it was. She hadn't acknowledged it since last week when she got into his lap. Now, she was calling his bluff outright.

       "S'that right?" He asked, eyes sparkling as he watched her squirm.

       "Yeah, it's like—" she stopped herself, holding her tongue. Too afraid to push too far past the boundaries that were silently set between them. She bit her lip, swallowing the words back down.

       A month ago, Daryl would've backed down and let the moment fall, but he didn't this time. A dark look overtook his face, his black pupils slowly consuming his blue irises, "Like what?”

       He wanted to play. She could play too. And she wanted to shock him. Set him off balance, like he’d done so many times to her with just a look or a graze of his hand against hers. Beth raised up on her toes, leaning close to his ear, “Like ya wanna take me in this kitchen.”

       Beth pulled back to see her blow hit him. And she was pleased to see it hit hard. His blown-out pupils looked at her in awe, like he’d unlocked something sacred that she tucked away. She realized it was and it was just for him. Only for him. The air between them was devoured by her words. Words that she never had the courage or desire to let leave the confines of her own mind until now. Even before Daryl and before all of this, she never dared. She let them bounce around in her mind where her words could turn into fantasies that kept her company. Now, she was speaking them. By the look he was giving her, she started to wonder if he was really considering it.

       “Who ain’t playin’ fair now?”

       She shrugged, trying to act nonchalant like he wasn’t actively making her tremble. She clasped the counter behind her back, hoping to appear calmer than she was. But who was she kidding? You can’t hide from a hunter. She watched the corner of his mouth tug upwards. He crowded into her space until all she could smell was him. His rough voice reached her ears, sending shivers through her whole body, “Later.”

       It was the same promise she made to him, except now it held a lot more weight. Daryl never made a promised he couldn’t keep.

 

 

~

 

 

       Every bit of pain Daryl ever felt he always compared to what his dad had done. Did it hurt worse? He found that everything he'd gone through since the world went to shit was a yes, but that was only physical pain. Nothing burned as deep as what his dad did on the nights he came home drunk and raging. So, yeah, being shot hurt like hell and bruised ribs were a son of a bitch, but it never even got close to cutting as deep.

       But nothing had put more fear in him then when he almost watched Beth die. 

       He’d put her through the same thing. Daryl never wanted her to feel the same pain he had when he saw her lying motionless on the ground. Now, she had. And he saw the empty, haunted look in her eyes that only came out when no one was looking. He knew that look because he'd seen it so many times in the mirror. He saw the way fear gripped her body and panic filled her eyes when she couldn't find him. He saw her try to cover it up with that bright smile of hers that made him question how he was even allowed around a girl like her. Let alone call her his. 

       What killed him was how she kept it all to herself. She was drowning and she wouldn't let him help. Daryl waited for her to talk, to let him in, but something always stopped her. The harsh truth was Beth threw herself into taking care of others, so she didn't have to care for herself. And he'd be damned if he let his girl drown.

       So, he waited patiently. Giving her space without going too far. He silently reassured her that he wasn't going anywhere. Daryl stopped holding back from touching her. Stopped holding back so many of his words. It had been about a week since his chest nearly caved in after she asked if he was being more open with her because of the circumstances or because he actually wanted to. Guilt had immediately spiraled into him. Daryl hadn't realized how much he'd been holding back. It had nothing to do with the circumstances and everything to do with her. He was constantly drawn to her like a magnet. His eyes always seemed to find her no matter where she was. He wanted to touch her all the time. It was the only thing that placated the feelings that wanted to burst out of his chest.

       Daryl wasn't sure Beth realized how wrapped around her finger he really was. Somewhere in the distant depths of his mind he heard Merle yelling: pussy whipped. It no longer bothered him, because that was the thing. He'd never touched Beth like that. And he wouldn't unless she allowed. Unless she clearly said that's what she wanted. It wasn't like he hadn't thought about it, especially when she'd decided to nearly kill him when she ground her hips down into his lap like it was nothing. He'd never felt more like a green boy with how fast his body reacted to hers.

       But none of that mattered, he would wait however long she wanted. And if she never wanted him that way, he'd be perfectly fine with that too. What he really wanted was to see her bright blue doe eyes look at him and not see a heavy darkness behind them. Beth carried everything on her shoulders. He wanted to take some of it from her. But first he had some talking to do. Daryl wasn't much for talking, but he had a lot of it to do today. He preferred listening. Watching. He liked listening to Beth. She could read from the telephone book and he would listen to every syllable that poured out of her mouth and he'd thank her for it. 

       Daryl spotted the person he needed to talk to first. A knot formed in his gut, but he pushed forward, knowing he had to do this.

       Aidan stood accessing the gun he just checked out of the armory. Daryl cleared his throat, getting his attention, "Hey. Needa talk ta ya."

       His head shot up before throwing the gun strap over his shoulder, "Yeah, what's up?"

       Daryl forced himself to look at him, "Have ta thank you. For keepin' my ass alive."

       "Nah, that's what we do right?" A small smirk forming on his face.

        Daryl didn't respond right away, but he eventually grunted in approval. He was still getting used to the 'we' including all the other Alexandrians, but he guessed most of them were alright, "Still owe ya."

       "Nah, man, shouldn't be thanking me anyways. It was all Beth... She's really something."

       Daryl’s eyes narrowed; a growl stuck in the back of his throat. He shifted, his guard going up. He didn't like how he talked about Beth, but he also didn't like how Aidan was talking like he knew something Daryl didn't, "The fuck ya mean?"

       The boy's eyes widened slightly in surprise at his shift in tone, "She's the one who waded through the horde. Did it multiple times to make sure...," He trailed off, confusion warping his face, "No one told you? Sorry, man, I thought you knew. She didn't move from the infirmary for like three days, while you were out."

       Daryl's chest constricted as gripping fear boiled through his gut. Hearing that Beth almost got herself killed for him was one thing, but learning it from this prick was something else. No one told him. Was this what she was keeping from him? He vaguely knew what happened, but all his questions always started and ended with "the hordes gone." No one told him. She didn't tell him.

       So many things were coursing through his bloodstream. It ignited every nerve ending and he wanted to jump out of his skin to flee the overwhelming feelings: the anger, the hurt, shame, guilt, but most of all, the dread. It punctuated every breath he took as he turned and stalked away, leaving Aidan gaping like a fish out of water. Fuck him. Might’ve saved his life, but he didn’t have to be happy about it. Damn kid said it was all Beth anyway.

       Daryl made his way through the streets of Alexandria, making his way back home. He rounded a corner and almost ran right into Glenn.

       Glenn’s face fell the minute he saw him, "Woah, Daryl, hey. What happened?"

       He went to side step him and keep walking, but curiosity steeped into his anger and he rounded on him, "Ya gonna tell me what happened while I was out. Right fuckin' now."

       Glenn looked at him, his confusion fading to understanding, "You should talk to Beth."

       "I'm askin' you," he growled.

       Glenn shook his head, "Things were bad. We had no options. Talk to her. Give her a chance to explain. She almost lost you. If that had been Maggie...can't say I wouldn't’ve done the same. Scared the hell out of me, but I can't blame her. You would've done the same."

       Daryl felt the simmering underneath his skin subside slightly, halted momentarily by the idea of his Beth willing to go down swinging for him. Then a flash of her getting surrounded by walkers filled his head and all of it boiled over again, "Where’s she?"

       Glenn nodded towards the house. He strode past him, not giving him another glance. His vision had narrowed considerably, like he was about to pass out, but it was just the opposite. He'd become a live wire. Daryl pushed open the front door, harder than he intended because it slammed against the wall with a crack. He took two steps forward and spotted her wide, panic-stricken eyes looking at him, hand reaching for the knife at her belt. Guilt hit him square in the chest for putting her on edge. He always tried to be more careful than that. 

       She physically melted when she saw it was him, but the little smile that started forming on her face fell when she really got a good look at him.

       "Daryl..." She barely whispered out. She knew he knew. Her breathy voice hit him full force and he realized he didn't want to do this now. Just seeing her had calmed him considerably, like her being in front of him had reminded him she was still alive. Not dead. Not eaten.

       He was in no shape to have this conversation. Daryl didn't want to yell. He didn't want things to turn ugly. Not like how he’d always done before. If he stayed and did this, that's exactly what would happen. So, he turned around and walked right back out the door. She called his name, but he just kept going. He needed to think and he couldn't do that with her staring at him like that. Couldn't do it with any eyes on him. He needed to calm down. Needed to blow off some steam.

       Daryl kept walking and didn't stop.

Notes:

DOUBLE UPDATE: 1/2

We're getting a check in with both Daryl and Beth a week after the last chapter. Daryl has healed up a lot more, but is still stuck in Alexandria. The big conversation in this chapter is between Maggie and Beth. So, I went back and forth a bunch about how to handle physical intimacy with Beth's character. I drew from the fact that Beth was raised in Georgia by a pretty religious father (not necessary the same man that raised Maggie) and probably held the belief that she needed to wait to have sex until after marriage. I also drew from the story Maggie told about Beth in the second season where she threw her birth control pills in the pond. It seemed like Maggie was implying that Beth was very uncomfortable with the fact that Maggie had sex before being married (she was young when that happened, so yeah lol).

Drawing from those two things, I made the decision to kind of stick with that vibe, except with a more highly matured Beth. But I definitely think it is up to the interpretation of her character! It could definitely go both ways. This is just the one that sounded the most realistic to me and I wanted to keep her character as true to her as possible. So, to put it bluntly, in this story Beth is a virgin lol.

Anyways, Daryl kills me in this chapter. Dying has definitely opened his eyes to how irrelevant a lot of his fears were when it came to Beth. There's definitely a bit of jealousy and some possessiveness with Aidan when he started talking about her. And Daryl does flip out when he puts together what she did for him, but there's HUGE DEVELOPMENT when he walks away to gather himself instead of tearing into her. Our boy is learning :)

Anyways, all the love <3 See you guys in the next chapter that I will be uploading immediately after this one lol!

Chapter 27: Dixon

Notes:

DOUBLE UPDATE: 2/2

Hello again, welcome to what I hope is a very...cathartic chapter. I have had this chapter planned for so long, you guys have no idea! I can't believe I finally get to post it. I hope it lives up to expectations.

Come chat with me in the comments about all your thoughts and all your feelings! I want to hear about every single one!

All my thoughts and explanations will be in the end notes, as usual. All the love, guys. You all are truly the best <3

       The humid air swirled around her, curling her baby hairs around her temple. The palms of her hands rubbed against her jeans, subconsciously wiping the sweat from them. Beth watched the end of the street, ears straining to hear the sounds of boots walking towards the house. The sun had set an hour ago and Daryl still hadn’t come back. She thought she would’ve been more frightened or stressed, but all she really felt was guilt and relief. Beth was glad he knew. It didn’t feel like there was a dark cloud threatening to consume her anymore.

       She waited for him because he had to come back. Although she saw all the hurt and anger in his eyes when he burst through the front door, she’d also seen a promise in them before he turned around to leave. A promise that he’d be back. So, she waited. As the hours passed and the sun dipped below the horizon, her own feelings started to stir. She had kept herself relatively busy all day with Judith and her shift on the wall. It had kept her mind occupied, but now, there was nothing to distract her from the fact Daryl wasn’t here. The relief retreated and doubt took its place, but not just doubt, anger and fear too. Why was he allowed to risk his life for her, but she couldn’t do the same? Beth knew the answer. It terrified him, but couldn’t he see that losing him did the same to her.

       Beth leaned her head against the porch railing, cradling her arms in her lap. She understood that he was terrified of losing her. That much was clear when he lost it after she killed the Claimer, but at least he had let her have it almost immediately. The waiting was killing her. Not knowing what he was thinking. Not seeing him in front of her. Not knowing anything. He had walked away and left her, not because he wanted to hurt her, but because he needed space. It would be better for the both of them in the long run, but a part of her just wanted them to have it out. They could both say what they needed to and not hold back, but she understood he needed space. Although, it didn’t stop her from contemplating going to find him.

       That was until she saw the telltale cherry glow of a cigarette turn the corner.

       She stayed seated on the step, watching him approach the house. It wasn’t until he got to the sidewalk that he actually saw her. He halted ten feet from her, his cigarette daggling from his lip. Beth thought he looked calmer, but there was still an edge to him. He dropped his cigarette by his feet and used his boot to put it out while he walked towards her, stopping at the first step. His hair was hanging in his face, shorter than before, but still enough to cover his eyes.

       She swallowed, wiping her palms on her jeans again, “Can we talk?”

       He scoffed, “So, ya wanna talk now?”

       The words hit her like a blow. She deserved that, but it doesn’t mean it hurt any less. She had a hard time holding his cold gaze, but it was the least she could do. Beth was certain she preferred him yelling over whatever this was.

       "When were ya gonna tell me?" he practically growled, clearly having a hard time standing still.

       She blew out a breath, preparing for the worst, "Wasn't anythin' ta tell, Daryl. None of it mattered after ya woke up."

       "Ain't anythin' ta tell? Really? That's fuckin' bullshit an' ya know it,” he pointed at her, his voice raising, “Had ta hear it from Aidan!"

       His anger only fueled her own. She stood up and walked down the steps towards him, "I did what I had to. I ain't gonna apologize for it. I’m sorry ya had ta find out from Aidan, but everythin’ else…I’d do it again."

       "Ain't need your damn apology, girl!"

       Beth threw her hands up, "Then, what do ya want? Ya wanna hear about how I lost it? How I didn't move or eat for three days? 'Bout when I watched your heart stop? Or how ‘bout when I watched ya get shot?” she practically shouted at him, every question hitting like a gut punch to the both of them. A sense of release went through her after coming out with everything. She did what she had to do to survive. “Everythin' I did..." Beth trailed off, the words getting caught in her throat.

       She felt that dark place she spiraled down to sitting pretty, waiting for her to need it again. The numbness and calmness in the face of unbearable suffering and grief and horrors had helped her. But not feeling anything meant everything was shut off. All the bad and all the good. It was a dark place to be when her own survival had become worthless. Shutting everything out wasn’t the God sent she thought it was.

       A look overtook his face, as the tenseness melted from his body, "I wanna know why you're always tryin' ta get yourself killed?"

       "I wasn't plannin' on dyin'. You needed to get to the infir—"

       "Ain't the point, Beth."

       "Then, what is the point?"

      "Ya still got family, Beth. Still got Maggie. You just forget 'bout her? Throwin' yourself into danger like ya got nothin' ta lose."

       Her eyes widened as he hit exactly what kept her up some nights. It was too dark, too close to home. Her defenses came up, but it was too late. He’d already seen the look on her face, "That's not fair!"

       "Ain't it?"

       "You're my family too!" Beth heaved, willing him to understand as her voice strained against the constricting in her chest. "You've got family, Daryl. What about Rick, Carol, Glenn, Maggie? I'm not the only one that woulda lost somethin' if you didn't make it. How is what I did any different than what you would've done?"

       "Ain't remotely the same," he replied, eyes boring into hers. He replied only to part of her statement, because he knew she got him there.

       "It is. They may not be your blood, but they're your family. I'm your family. An' that's what we do: protect what's ours."

       Daryl sucked in a breath his head titling towards the sky, biting the inside of his cheek. She physically saw the fight leave his body as her words hit him. She didn't want to fight and he didn't either, but this conversation needed to happened. It was wrong of Beth to put it off for so long, but she was glad they were having it out now. Her only regret was Daryl not learning it from her first.

       The silence hung heavy. The sounds of their heavy breathing pierced the night air. She wanted to tell him everything. All the good and bad. Every vile, decrepit detail. And all her darkness thoughts. She wanted him to know it all, because he'd never judge her. Not for going into a state of shock and certainly not for spiraling down into a dark place to survive. Maybe, he'd be angry, but she knew that all came from a place of fear. They protected each other. That’s what they all did and it was never going to change. She didn’t care how many times he shouted at her for risking her life. She’d do it over again and again.

       Beth took a hesitant step forward, until he finally looked back at her. A whole new level of emotion hit her, nearly taking the breath straight from her lungs. He looked devastated and frightened, but there was so much more there. It reminded Beth of a painting she saw once of a man kneeling outside the gates of heaven, a look of reverence and despair etched into his face. It slingshot her back in time.

       Her angel.

       A memory from all those months ago poured into her, the angel wings on his vest flashing in her mind. He was her angel. That’s what she always believed, even in those days after the prison fell where silence was their constant companion. Look how far we’ve come. The perspective that memory granted her had her moving towards him.

       She melted into him before she even knew what happened. Her face fell into his chest as his arms wrapped around her, crushing her to him. His scent and understanding wrapped around her like a warm blanket, coaxing her deeper into his safety. They yelled, had it out, and now they were home.

       His voice rumbled through his chest, hitting her ears, "Been on my own a long time. Even 'fore all this. Thought bein' on my own made everythin' easier..." He paused, huffing out a breath, "Ya told me ya couldn't live with it, if somethin' happened ta me."

       She closed her eyes briefly, letting the memory from a humid Virginia night out on the road fill her mind, "I remember. Ya told me I had to."

       Daryl shook his head, his breath hitching as he pushed his words out, "Couldn't, Beth. Body might go on livin', but everythin' else'd be dead."

       And there it was. Everything in her seized up and only a broken whisper came out, "Daryl..." Her heart broke hearing his confession. Now, she understood what he must have felt when she insinuated the same thing so long ago, but she wouldn't lie. Even just the thought of losing Daryl was unbearable. She knew what it felt like, even if it was only for a couple minutes. It had been like a part of her soul had been ripped from her body and she just had to watch it burn in front of her. It had wrenched her to pieces. She knew exactly what that felt like. Living, but not actually living at all. She’d been through it.

       All she wanted to do was reassure him, because even though they’d both been through hell, they were still here. Beth pulled herself up and placed her lips on his, pouring all of her emotions into him, before pulling away, "We're here, now. And that's all we need ta worry about." Beth brought her lips to his again. This time Daryl was prepared. He pulled her in, hand on the back of her head. His fingers ran through her hair, over her scalp, making her shiver. She broke the kiss to speak, "We do this together. The whole fuckin' thing."

       "Yes, ma'am," Daryl responded, the smallest smirk forming on his lips, but she could tell he meant it. They were both fully in this. He was hers and she was his in every way. She was a Dixon.

       Then a freight train went through her. She just told him she was in this until she was six feet under. It hadn't occurred to her the old-world implications of what they agreed to. Dreams that used to belong to a teenage Beth awoke covered in cobwebs. The epiphany must have shown on her face because Daryl asked, "Hm? Got that look on your face."

       She decided to shut down her fear and be honest. Her conversation with Maggie still fresh in her mind. And it was the least she could do after what he offered her. "I know the old world’s gone, but I want ya ta know... I'd wanna be Beth Dixon. Old world or not."

       He looked down at her, his face not changing even in the slightest. His slow blink was the only thing that told her he had heard her. The arms wrapped around her never loosened, "That what ya want?"

       She wouldn’t hide from him. Not anymore. And she didn’t want any doubt to start sinking into him. Beth meant it and he needed to know. So, she didn't mince words, "Yes."

       One of his hands came up to hover over her cheek. Beth met him halfway and leaned her face into it as he spoke, "Would be the first."

       "First what?"

       "First anyone that wanted ta be a Dixon."

       She stood up straighter, making sure he saw the conviction in her eyes and not just her words. Daryl's eyes never left hers, "I'd gladly be the first."

       His eyes pierced through her. A million different thoughts seemed to be running through his head until he said, "Come on."

       At first Beth thought he was going to ask for some space to think, but this was a whole other thing. He didn't look angry or confused or shut off. He looked content. Beth trusted him with everything she had, so she followed his lead.

       He walked down the sidewalk and into the road, pulling her with him and not offering any further information. She didn't mind. She was just happy everything was out in the open. Her hand squeezed his, forever craving his touch. Even the couple of hours they were separated made her miss him. With everything out in the open, maybe she would finally be able to let go a little. Daryl took a turn down a side street and her face crumpled in confusion, but she kept following him anyway.

       It was a beautiful night, even with the humidity. No clouds were obscuring the stars and moon. The sounds of the cicadas and the frogs humming reminded her of the farm. It was a perfect night. 

       It wasn't until Daryl made a specific turn did she finally understand. All the pieces fell together and she halted in her tracks. Her eyes went wide and her heart momentarily stopped beating. The garage they were a few feet from was lit up with candles even at the late hour. Their flickering cast shadows onto the driveway and narrow road.

       Daryl turned back to her, realizing she'd stopped. She looked at him, eyes wide, "Is this want ya want? An' not just cause I do."

       He didn't hesitate, "Ya, it is. An' it ain't just cause ya told me."

       Of all the things this night could’ve led to, this had never even entered her mind to consider. Elation barreled through her, making her feel lightheaded, but it wasn’t just elation. It was an immense sense of peace. Her constant swirling thoughts and negative voices quieted as she stared at the man she loved. It was a simple choice to make. Maggie had been right. It was the easiest decision.

       She walked towards him, a smile blooming on her face, "Alright." She slid her hand back into his and they walked into the garage. Gabriel was standing at the front, but from his attentiveness, he'd already heard them coming. It looked like he had been cleaning up for the night.

       "Hello,” he greeted them, “Beautiful night, isn't it?" Gabriel asked, a knowing sparkle in his eye.

       She nodded, unable to contain the smile on her face, "It is."

       "Anything I can do for the both of you?" he asked, picking up a book that was resting on the table.

       Beth glanced to Daryl one more time to make sure this was what he wanted. His eyes were already on her and what she found in them was all the confirmation she needed. "Yes. Will you... marry us?"

       The priest smiled, not shocked even in the slightest. He gestured wide to allow them through and said, "Of course."

       Daryl and Beth walked to the back of the garage, next to the makeshift wooden lectern. She wasn’t sure what to do with herself. All she knew was how much she loved him. A part of her wished her daddy and mama could be here. Anytime she imagined herself getting married, her daddy was the one who walked her down the aisle. Her mama would help her get ready and Maggie would be standing up there with her. Maggie. Maggie.

       She needed her. This wouldn’t be complete without her. The last piece of her family should be here.

       Beth turned to Gabriel as he cleared his throat to begin, “Wait. Don’t we needa witness?”

       “Traditionally, yes, but it’s not necessary,” he replied.

       She looked up at Daryl and an unexpected smile broke out on her face, “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”

       Beth darted out the door before he could reply, the wind enveloping her as she ran down the street towards home. Alexandria was quiet. Most people having gone to bed or retired for the night, but as she turned the corner to see their house, some of the lights were still on. She took the stairs two at a time and unceremoniously burst through the door. She slowed her pace somewhat when she saw Rick, Carl, and Mika all playing a board game on the floor of the living room. Beth gave them a breathless smile, unable to contain her joy, as she continued on up the stairs.

       “Ya alright?” Rick shouted from the living room.

       “Yes,” Beth answered over her shoulder, as she reached the second-floor landing.

       Not but a couple seconds later, Maggie emerged from her and Glenn’s room, a look of curiosity on her face, probably from having heard the shouting, “Beth, where’re ya been?”

       She grabbed her sister’s hand, “I need ya ta come with me.”

       Maggie’s eyes darted around Beth’s face, eyebrows furrowing slightly, “Alright, where’re we goin’?”

       “Just trust me.”

       There were no more questions after that. Maggie followed Beth back down the stairs, throwing Rick a confused look as they past by the living room and made their way out the door. With her sister’s hand clasped tightly in hers, Beth led her back to Gabriel’s garage. It couldn’t have been more than five minutes since she left. Before they entered, Beth felt a gnawing need to explain, “I need you here for this. Wouldn’t be the same without you.”

       Maggie’s eyes went wide as she looked behind Beth into the open garage. She was frozen for a second as she put the scene together. Her eyes dropped back down to her, a warmth filling them, “Woulda been pissed if I wasn’t.”

       With her sister in tow, they entered the garage. Pure and unaltered love and joy were bursting out of her. The very flames of the candles seemed to dance with it. Beth’s eyes remained on Daryl as she closed the distance, a small grin on his face as he watched her walk back to him. His blue eyes were swimming with everything they’d ever been through that got them to this point. And hers reflected it all back to him. Showed him all the reasons she would choose him everyday for the rest of her life. Even if the rest of her life was cut short tomorrow, she didn’t care. She would still have this.

       Her hands fell into his, letting them fully engulf her own. And Gabriel started. Beth let his words wash over her, knowing that whatever he said couldn’t even begin to encompass how she felt about Daryl. Or all her own silent promises she made to him from the moment they burned down the moonshine shack. Beth could see those same flames burning in his eyes as he looked at her. This was just as much a new beginning.

       Rick had been right. A new world was waiting for them both. And they would go into it together.  

       It was simple and fast. No exchanging of rings, no vows. It was just them, Gabriel, and Maggie. They didn't need to say how much they loved each other. It was in the way they did everything. They didn't need rings to make it official. In five minutes, she was no longer Beth Greene, but Beth Dixon.

Notes:

MEET THE DIXONS AHHHHHHH!!!

Don't mind me. Just freaking out a little lol. So, this chapter was an insane process. I've had parts of this chapter written since the beginning of this story. I knew I wanted to get to this point, but I wasn't sure how I was going to get there. Now that we're here, I am so happy with how it turned out. This was such a fun chapter to write and all the feels were absolutely killing me.

Beth and Daryl have it out, but it is definitely less explosive than it would have been if Daryl had stayed. So, that's progress lol. Daryl still struggles with Beth putting herself in danger for him. He knows what it feels like to think she was dead and I think he is absolutely terrified of it happening again. So, that's why that conversation went that way. Beth is just trying to get him to understand that the things she does are exactly the same as the things he would do. Not to mention, her having to reiterate that he has family. People love him.

Anyways on to the wedding scene. I think this seems like a rash decision by Daryl, but in actuality he knows it wouldn't change literally anything about the relationship he has with Beth, except maybe make it deeper (because of all the meaning behind Beth being the first person that every wanted to be a Dixon thing). So, this isn't much of a jump. In fact, I'd even go as far as to say, Daryl telling Beth he loved her was more of a massive jump than this. This felt natural to me and I hope it does for you guys too :)

Of course, Maggie had to be there. She's the last connection Beth has to Hershel. I couldn't do their little wedding without her there. And its icing on top that Gabriel was the one to marry them :)

Anyways, let me know what you think! I can't wait to hear your guys' thoughts. All the love <3

Chapter 28: Begin Again

Notes:

Question: Are there any scenes in this story so far that you all would like to read from a different POV? i.e. Terminus scene, wedding scene, the Wolves, etc. Let me know what scene and who's POV you would've really liked to read it in.

Hello lovelies! Happy Sunday! I hope you all are doing well. This chapter is a pinnacle moment for Beth and Daryl (pun intended lol), so I hope you enjoy. Next chapter we will be back with some more plot important pieces of the story, but for now I give you all this :)

As usual, all my thoughts and explanations will be in the end notes and please feel free to comment your answer to the question above. All the love guys <3

       They were all gathered around the living room like the world hadn’t ended. Like it was just any other night. Rick would go to work in the morning as a sheriff’s deputy. Carl and Mika would go off to school. Beth looked around at her family all smiling and laughing, swapping stories from a time that had become blurry. Carol was telling Mika a bittersweet story about Sofia. Maggie was leaned against Glenn listening intently, because unlike some of the others her and Maggie had never gotten the chance to meet Sofia. Rick and Carl shared stories about Lori. Only the good ones to keep her memory alive. Michonne’s brilliant smile lit up the room as she looked at them both, never once faltering. Gabriel listened and smiled, happy to be a part of it all.

       Judith was asleep on her stomach in her play pin even with all the noise. Beth guessed the familiar voices soothed her, allowing her to rest deeper. One of her cheeks was smushed against the bottom of the pin. Her little mouth was slightly open where her thumb used to be. She had a hard time pealing her eyes away as she fought the urge to go pick her up.

       Beth instead focused on her family. She rested against Daryl’s chest; his arms loosely wrapped around her. She laughed and reminisced with her family like the world hadn’t ended. Because it hadn’t. It was just beginning again.

       "So, what're we celebratin'?" Rick asked, looking towards Maggie who'd gathered everyone here. Or everyone that was still awake and not on a shift.

       Maggie smirked, "Don't ask me," she nodded her head towards her and Daryl, "Ask them."

       Everyone turned towards them, waiting for an answer. Beth felt her face heat up a little at all the sudden attention. Daryl tensed up against her back. Her head turned to him behind her, but he was already looking down at her. His head was slightly tilted in question, but there was also a hint of what Beth could only guess was doubt. Like he didn't know if she wanted to share with everyone. Like she wasn't proud to be his wife. That needed to change.

       Without breaking eye contact, she spoke to the room, "We got married."

       A smile tugged at the corner of Daryl's lips and she wished to be consumed by it. Her heart fluttered at his small smile no matter how many times she saw it. A brief silence settled over the room, before a high-pitched voice broke it, "I knew it!"

       She turned to see Mika, eyes wide, with a face splitting grin on her face. Laughter burst from her chest because she was right. Mika was the one who blatantly asked her if she loved Daryl. It was the first time Beth had admitted it out loud.

       "When did this happen?" Michonne asked incredulously.

       She giggled, unable to contain herself, "'Bout an hour ago."

       Something dawned on Rick's face, "That what you were gettin' Maggie for?"

       She nodded. It took another second for everyone to register the news. Carol stood up first a huge smile on her face, "Guess congratulations are in order."

       Beth stood and met her halfway, melting into her arms. Of all the people in her family, she cared what Maggie and Carol thought the most. The former was her sister. Her only blood family left. If Maggie approved, it was like her daddy was approving too. The latter was Daryl's best friend and someone she looked up to. All Beth could hope for was one day she could grow to be more like her: strong, fiercely loyal, loving, and brave. Carol could compartmentalize. Separate herself from the things she had to do. Beth counted herself lucky this family had her. She let her go only so she could go to Daryl. The way he looked at Carol made her heart squeeze. Beth was so glad he had her. Their friendship was a welcomed piece of stability that they both needed.

       A familiar hand landed on her shoulder, pulling her attention away from her husband and his best friend. Michonne had a radiant smile on her face as she pulled her into a hug, "About time." 

       She laughed into her shoulder, not wanting to let go, but she needed to get to everyone. Glenn was next. Her brother in every sense of the word. She had to admit she was surprised her sister hadn’t told him immediately. Gabriel and Maggie followed in a blur of hugs, even though they already knew. When she stepped away, she finally saw Rick. There was a look on his face she couldn't quite read, but whatever it was hit her intensely. Then she realized, he was smiling. Beth couldn't remember the last time she saw him truly smile. He looked like the Rick she met on the farm before everything was taken from him.

       His head bowed, placing a kiss on the crown of her head. She smiled up at him, reflecting his contentment back to him. Beth glanced around briefly and saw Michonne talking with Daryl. She turned back to him and whispered, "You're next."

       Rick's eyebrows raised as he followed her eyeline to Michonne. She continued, "Ain't the only one who sees things."

       His head titled to the side briefly, a smirk on his face, "I’ll have ta remember that."

       Beth turned to embrace Carl and Mika when she heard him say, "Beth?"

       She turned back to Rick, with Mika still clinging to her, "Mhm?"

       "Is it Greene or Dixon now?"

       She smiled at the question, a surge of pride going through her, "Beth Dixon."

 

 

 

       Daryl closed the door to their room. The sounds of their family downstairs were still going strong. She was sure they’d be up and buzzing for another couple of hours. The latch tentatively clicked into place, muting all the noise below. The minute the door shut she felt the tension building. They both knew what usually came after a wedding. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach just thinking about it as she sat on the edge of the bed facing Daryl. He was watching her carefully, trying to read her.

       "We don't gotta do this. Nothin's gotta happen now."

       She took in a deep breath, letting it out along with her words, "And if I want it to?"

       The floor boards creaked as he shifted his weight, but the tenseness in his body showed her how much he was holding back, "What do ya want?"

       Beth stood up and didn't mince her words, "You."

       A dark look descended over his features as he restrained himself. She could see by the way his shoulders tensed up and his eyes followed her every movement like his hunter instincts were heightened. His head cocked to the side slightly, "Gonna have ta be more specific."

       Shivers ran up her body. His voice making something in her core tighten. Her breathing increased, her pulse rapidly pounding in her ears. He wanted her to say it like she had in the kitchen. Wanted to hear the exact words, but what better way to tell him what she wanted than by showing him.

       Beth walked towards him until she was practically up against him. He was looking down at her, jaw tense. She couldn't remember wanting anything more than him so, she wrapped her arms around his neck and brought her lips to his. His arms immediately wrapped around her. She deepened the kiss, granting him access. A small moan escaped her as his tongue caressed hers. She needed him closer.

       But he moved away, chest heaving, "Beth..."

       Her hands were bunched in the front of his shirt, keeping him from pulling away too far. Confusion pooled in her stomach mixed with insecurity. It was founded on nothing, but sometimes she couldn't help it. She wanted to give him the same choice he gave her, "We don't gotta do this."

       He was allowed to say no. She wanted him to want her the way she did him. Like it would kill him not to have her, but there was still hesitation in his eyes. It covered up the desire she still saw there.

       "Ain't that, girl, trust me," he replied, hands tightening on her, "Needa make sure this is what ya want."

       As he said it, something dawned on her and it was just a hunch, but she had to ask, "Did ya hear me an' Maggie this morning?"

       His eyes narrowed slightly, "Nah, why?"

       So, his hesitation had nothing to do with her conversation with Maggie. Beth's heart soared at the fact he was being so gentle and patient by making sure this was what she really wanted. That's just who he was. He needed her to say it out loud. And she owed him the truth.

       "I haven't done this before, but it doesn't matter. I want you. Sometimes it’s all I can think 'bout. I'd never lie to you. You know that. This is what I want," she reemphasized, "I promise." Her hands slid up his chest and settled around his neck.

       He nodded, the hesitation disappearing. Beth stepped out of his arms and backed up enough so he could fully see her. He watched her, letting her go. She swallowed down all the nerves as she slowly grabbed the edge of her shirt and pulled it over her head. It fell to the ground between them. The thud seemed to emanate through the room like a shock wave. She willed herself not to cover her body with her arms, but all those thoughts faded away as she looked at Daryl. She met his eyes as they dipped down and back up again. Since the hesitation had cleared, what was left took her breath away.

       He was staring at her like his world started and ended with her. If she wasn't trembling before, she was now. Her hands found the button on her jeans and then the zipper. It didn't take long for them to join her shirt on the floor. The moment they hit the floor; Daryl was on her. His lips met hers in a flurry. Her hands reached out to grip him, wanting to feel him against her bare skin. He'd seen her like this before, but she'd been incapacitated. She doubted he even thought about it at the time, but now she was fully his. And with every sweep of his tongue against hers she felt how much he wanted her too.

       Her hands found the buttons of his shirt, but she stopped short. She broke the kiss enough to whisper, "Can I?"

       Beth realized she'd never seen him without any of his clothes and the fear that filled his eyes told her there was a specific reason for that. Her question hung in the air before he nodded for her to continue. Sensing his hesitation, she went slow. The first button she undid she followed up with a kiss. Soft and full of all the love she had in her body. She carefully undid two more buttons and kissed him again. He loosened up underneath her hands, curving into her. She kept repeating until all the buttons were undone.

       Her hands ran up his bare chest for the first time and she couldn't catch her breath. He was beautiful. She let her hands slip up his shoulders and down his arms, taking his shirt with it. And it tumbled to the ground behind him. She took a moment to admire the man in front of her. No one had ever made her feel like this: whole, even at the end of the world. He didn't complete her. No. He built her up. Made her feel strong and loved, so she could be whole for herself. She still had a long way to go, but all of this started when they burned their past away together.

       They could take this slow. They didn’t have to rush. She wanted to feel his bare skin on hers, so she wrapped her arms are his middle. Resting her head near his heart. Her hands ran up his back, unable to keep them from roaming, until she felt her fingertips run over something raised. The minute her fingertips brushed over whatever it was Daryl froze. She pulled away to look at him. His head was hung slightly, but she could still see his eyes. And what she saw was pain. Not just a flash, but a tidal wave. That was when she realized what she had felt were scars.

       Beth knew a little about his childhood based on passing comments, but she hadn't known it was that bad. A rage filled her that she was familiar with, it was murky and vengeful. She'd never truly wished ill will on anyone, especially someone she never met before. But whoever did this to Daryl, she hoped they were dead. But those thoughts were for another time. She pushed them away, knowing it wasn't the time. All she wanted to do was love him as much as she could, so, maybe, she could replace even one of his bad memories with a good one. As his eyes met hers, the only thing he would see was her admiration. 

       Somehow Daryl was still able to surprise her, because he slowly turned around, letting her see the most painful parts of himself. She couldn't even comprehend how difficult that could've been for him. His bravery had never not stunned her. As his back came into full view, she saw all the lashing scars and the cigarette burns. He shifted around uncomfortably, his muscles rippling under his skin. And Beth held back her tears, knowing this wasn't about her. His scars were a part of him. They meant he was a survivor. He was still standing here with her. He beat whoever did this to him and she couldn't be prouder. He was so beautiful. 

       He halted, his shifting coming to a complete stop. She realized too late she'd said it out loud. Beautiful. But she couldn't find it in herself to regret it. She walked back around and looked up at him staring back at her. Something akin to shock was painted all over his face. Nothing more had to be said because he surged forward and stole her breath from her body.

       As slow as everything had moved before, everything started to speed up tenfold. It was like a dam had broken and all this time they spent waiting was becoming unbearable. She was on the bed before she knew what happened. She slid all the way up it and he followed. Seeing him crawl to her was an image Beth would never soon forget. It ignited her and she started to burn. Daryl's thumb hooked underneath her underwear, asking permission with his hesitation. She answered by pushing them down herself. He dragged them down the rest of the way. Her bra wasn't far behind, Daryl not feeling the need to hesitate any longer. 

       Beth always thought she'd be nervous being fully naked in front of someone for the first time, but she wasn't. She couldn't be nervous. Not with the way Daryl was staring at her. All the words he could say were there like he couldn’t catch his breath or reel himself in long enough to put the way he felt into words. She didn’t need him to. She could see it so clearly. Beth pulled him back down to her, not wanting to wait any longer. She needed him.

       One of his hands cupped her face as he kissed her. She was so consumed by his lips she hadn’t realized they were distracting her as his fingers ghosted over her center. She gasped into his mouth, the sensation not completely unlike her own fingers, but still wholly different. Ever so slightly he increased the pressure, circling his fingers until she was fighting back moans. He watched her, completely enraptured, and it made her fall apart under him that much more. He found the motion that made her eyes roll back into her head and kept going almost bringing her to the edge when he stopped completely. Air surged out of her lungs in a huff and she realized she'd been digging her nails into his shoulders and arms.

       "I'm sorry," she breathed out, frantically, her voice unrecognizable to her own ears.

       Daryl's pupils were dilated, making them almost look black, his voice rough, "Never have ta say sorry to me."

       She practically trembled underneath him from pent up emotion and desire. She needed him, "Daryl...please. Do somethin'."

       A looked crossed his face briefly, one she'd rarely seen. The last time she remembered seeing it was when she'd killed that woman in the convenience store to save his life. It was a look of adoration steeped in the fucked-up pride of killing for him. She knew that look because she'd looked at him like that so many times. It was a feeling that resided in her gut next to her instincts, swirling around waiting for her to dive deep enough. Go dark enough to find it again. She reveled in it. It was possessive and wild and unlike any emotion she’d ever felt. And she let that feeling devour her as he slid a finger inside her.

       She was a mess within minutes. The way he watched her, the way he curled his finger to hit something that sent her spiraling, the way he kissed her like he could drown in her. It was all too much. And she needed him closer and she wasn't going to wait any longer. 

       Beth wrapped her legs around his hips, trying to tell him what she needed. He knew immediately. His pants were unbuttoned and, on the floor, but not before he pulled a foil packet from his pocket. She wanted to touch him the minute she saw all of him, so she did. The groan that left his mouth would forever be burned in her brain, but he didn't let her have the reigns for long. He pulled her hand off him and rolled the condom on in its place. She wrapped herself around him as he lowered back down to her, lips grazing her neck. When he finally started pushing in, she dug her nails into his back. He stopped, but she hadn't wanted him to. It didn't hurt. She'd just never felt that kind of pressure before.

       "Keep goin'," she urged, knowing he needed to hear it.

       He slid in a little further, stopping once more to let her adjust. From the way he was breathing, she could tell he was holding himself back considerably. She captured his lips, giving him her soft moans, and he pushed all the way in. A groan rumbled out of his chest as her head fell back against the bed, the sensation overwhelming her. He slowly pulled out and pushed back in, making her tighten her hold on him. Once he confirmed she was okay, he started to move.

       Daryl set an agonizing pace. Slow and deep as if he was trying to show her how he felt without words. Beth felt every inch of him as he slid into her. It felt too good. Tears started gathering in the corners of her eyes. So many emotions overcame her. Even though she had all of him, she needed more. Beth clawed at his back trying to pull him closer, but it wasn't enough. 

       Then he stopped. A choked sob mixed with a moan left her lips. Daryl pulled back to look down at her. He was breathing heavy, but his eyebrows scrunched together with a look of concern. Beth moved her hips trying to find any bit of release. One of his hands moved to her hip and pinned it to the bed, while his other wiped away the tear traveling down her temple into her hair.

       She saw the question in his eyes and realized why he stopped, "They're good. I promise."

       "Ain't able to read your mind. Ya gotta talk ta me, Beth."

       She wasn’t so sure about that, but she nodded. Everything felt so good with him, but there was something else she needed, "Closer... I need you closer."

       A look crossed his face. It was beautiful and devastating, "Come here."

       Daryl slowly pulled out of her, leaving her feeling empty. He wrapped his arms around her and sat up, bringing her with him. Without breaking the connection, he placed her in his lap. She draped her arms around his neck as he helped lower her back onto him. A stifled moan escaped her lips as a groan left his. 

       She clung to him while she lifted her hips and sunk back down. She wanted to sob in ecstasy. Every part of her body was touching his and she finally felt at peace. His hands were gripping her waist making sure to keep her close. Beth put her hands on top of his and squeezed trying to tell him to hold her tighter. She wouldn't break.

       Daryl understood immediately. The added pressure brought her so much comfort. She brought her lips to his, moaning into his mouth, as she continued to rise and sink back down onto him. She could feel he was starting to lose some of his control because he was becoming rougher. She tightened around him at the thought of Daryl losing himself. She wanted him unchecked and untamed. She wanted that wild look she'd seen in his eyes out on the road.

       Her legs started to shake as waves of pleasure rolled through her. "Daryl... Please," she whispered against his lips. Pleading with him to let go of whatever was restraining him, "I need you."

       Whatever tether was holding him back snapped and he surged forward. She clung to him, wrapping her legs around his hips. One second, she was in his lap. The next she was on her back. He set a pace that made Beth's eyes roll into the back of her head. He was hitting something inside her that she'd never even found herself. She felt one of his hands slide between them and find the spot between her thighs that had her bowing off the bed. Once the breath returned to her body, it took every ounce of her will to not cry out.

       "Daryl--" she moaned.

       "Fuck, Beth," he groaned. Him saying her name like that pushed her closer to the edge. She was so close.

       It felt too good and it only kept building. The wave drew back, growing bigger and bigger until she was too afraid to let go. It was already too much. She clung to him, trying to keep whatever was threatening to devour her at bay.

       "Let go," he said, voice low and rough.

       She breathed, frustrated tears sliding into her hair, "I can't..."

       "I got ya, girl. I promise."

       As soon as his words reached her ears, the wave broke and Beth came crashing down around him. Wave after wave of pleasure crashed into her. He swallowed her sobs, giving her his own moans in return. It was almost too devastating. He held her through it all and somehow made sure every last drop of pleasure was wrung from her body even as he came crashing down too.

       As she floated down from her high, her surroundings came back. She hadn't realized, but Daryl had rolled them over so she was resting on his chest, "Ya alright?" 

       His voice rumbled through his chest. One of her legs was thrown over him. He still held her tight to him. So many emotions ricocheted through her. Immense satisfaction. So much love she felt like she couldn't fit it all in her body. Devastation, that love wasn't a great enough word to encompass what she felt for him. Gratefulness, for being here with him at all. Daryl was her husband. And she was his wife. Tears still pricked her eyes. It was the only sign of all the emotions swirling inside her. She was breathing heavily, but she sat up on her elbows so she could look at him, "I get it now."

       "Hm?" His hand reached out and wiped her hair away from her neck. A sheen of sweat had formed all over her body causing her hair to stick to her neck. She found she hadn't even felt it. Beth guided his hand to her face, letting herself fall into him.

       "This," she answered, "Didn't know it could be like this."

       He watched her, eyes darting around her face, "Me neither." He looked absolutely spent, but satisfied. She trailed her hand up his chest, letting it rest over his heart. It pumped rapidly against her fingers.

       When she looked down to her hand, her nails were bloody. Why was there blood? It didn't register for a second. Then, Beth gasped, realizing what she'd done, "Daryl, I'm so sorry. I didn't--"

       Daryl grabbed her hand, turning it so he could look at her bloody fingernails, "Nothin' ta say sorry 'bout. Means I musta done somethin' right."

       Beth pulled herself up his chest so she was eye to eye with him, "You couldn't've done anythin' wrong if ya tried. Ya know that, right?"

       “Wouldn’t go ‘round sayin’ that,” he grunted, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

       She smiled, but a kernel of uncertainty started to form. Did he still not understand how he made her feel? How he just made her feels things she was sure no one else could?

       “Can’t read your mind. Goes both ways,” Beth urged.

       Daryl was laid back, looking up at the ceiling, like he was preparing what he was about to say, “Don’t want ya outta my sight. Ever.”

       There was conviction behind his words, but also something else she couldn’t quite identify. She understood in the sense that she’s also been there. Still was. She struggled with having him out of her sight even though she knew he could handle himself, but still genuine curiosity peaked her tone, “Why? Thought ya’d be sick’a me by now.” She joked; a smile painted on her lips.

       “Not messin’ around,” his shift in tone starkly contrasted her own state of bliss.

       Her lips tugged downward, “I know…”

       She ran her thumb along his jaw, hoping to soothe whatever was eating at him. His eyes connected with her. They were so clear as he said, “Ain’t gonna lose ya. Not now.”

       Now she understood what was going on in his head. The world they lived in was brutal and unrelenting. And this was something precious that could be ripped away from them at any second. If she let herself think about it too long, it would ruin her. Ruin this moment. They had this now and that had to be enough.

       She curled into his heat, letting him pull her tighter against him. Both his arms were wrapped around her making her feel safe. Her face rested in the crook of his neck, just breathing him in knowing they won’t always be able to have this. Just like she promised herself so long ago, she would do everything in her power to stay alive for him. For everyone. Her life wasn’t just her own anymore. It mattered if she lived or died.

       “Imma Dixon now. Gonna be a lot harder ta kill me.”

       Daryl slid his hand up her thigh that was draped over him and pulled her fully on top of him, “Damn right.”

Notes:

Question: Are there any scenes in this story so far that you all would like to read from a different POV? i.e. Terminus scene, wedding scene, the Wolves, etc. Let me know what scene and who's POV you would've really liked to read it in. If you have one, please comment your answer below.

Well, here we are lol! Took a bit, but we made it and I hope it lived up to the hype. I tagged 'eventual smut, maybe?' because I was never sure if I would get the characters to a point where I felt like I could write this scene, but we got there. And I think it fits really well into the story.

The family knows now and soon most of Alexandria will too. I loved writing the scene at the beginning with the family. It sort of reminded me of that scene in the show after they found the church. Just some nice fluff before we get back into things.

Regarding the scene between Beth and Daryl, I tried to keep it relatively tame because I wanted the scene to focus more on the emotions Beth was feeling rather than the actual sex. These are two people that love each other A LOT, so I wanted to focus on that more because I think that's what the characters would be like. Especially with it being Daryl's first time showing Beth his scars and Beth's literal first time lol.

Afterwards, Daryl experiences a lot of what Beth has been feeling since she watched him die. It was kind of like a switch. He knows that she can take care of herself (he's sort of the one that taught her), but there's a little bit of possessiveness there and a whole LOT of fear about losing her especially after a cosmic moment like this lol. We'll see more how they both handle that later, but we ended on a sweet moment.

Anyways, as always, I can't wait to hear what you guys think. All the love <3 Happy reading and I'll see you next week :)

Chapter 29: Hope for a Dead Dream

Notes:

Hello lovelies! The beginning of this chapter is dedicated to Rochelle! Thank you for giving me the idea for how to start this one. You're the absolute best!

Here is what I like to call a housekeeping chapter. A fluff chapter with a few things I needed to write before we head to Hilltop next time. This is a relatively fun chapter, but it's setting up some things that are going to be important later. I apologize for any grammar issue. I had to finish this up pretty quickly.

Come chat with me in the comments! I always love hearing all your thoughts and predictions. As always my thoughts and explanations will be in the end notes. All the love <3

       It took Daryl a second to realize he wasn’t dreaming. This was real. Beth was real and she was his wife. His wife. He was broken before the world ended and now, somehow, he’d become better because of her. The irony wasn’t lost on him. Broken until the world ended. He’d found his family and his place. Before the world had gone to shit, if someone had told him he’d be married and the dead would roam the Earth, he’d be more inclined to believe the latter.

       Now, he was staring at his wife. Her blonde hair fanned across the pillow behind her. It exposed her naked back. Daryl sat up against the headboard, letting the quietness of the morning ground him. He couldn’t help, but run his fingers over her bare back as he pulled the sheets back over her. He remembered how he used to hate seeing his hands on her or anywhere near her. His dirty hands against something so pure and genuine. He remembered flinching away from her, not only because he wasn’t used to it, but because it felt wrong. Now, he couldn’t pull away from her even if he tried. She somehow convinced him he was good enough. That he belonged with her.

       When he was drifting around with Merle, his life was day to day. Hour to hour. There was no future. He never had to look past the moment he was in. He had never been responsible for anyone. Never had to worry about what it would be like if he had been. Beth changed all of that. He was responsible for her. She was her own person, never let him forget it, but he would always feel protective over her. His promise to Hershel still stood. He would keep her safe until his dying breath. That was his responsibility. And the minute she agreed to become his wife only added to it all. He’d make sure she was safe, no matter what.

       Last night only further solidified that for him. Daryl barely remembered all the shitty hookups he had in the past. It was always quick and dirty, nothing ever coming of them. A lot of the time he hated how he felt afterwards and eventually he just became disinterested. He learned what he needed to and figured he’d gotten all he could from those experiences. Until Beth showed him differently. All he wanted to do was make her understand how she made him feel. His words always seemed to fall short. Even when he told her he loved her, it still never felt like enough. He wanted to show her and then last night happened and it all clicked into place. He never needed sex before. Frankly, he could go without it, but whatever him and Beth had done was something unlike anything he’d ever felt before. He realized later, afterwards, it was a physical manifestation of everything they’d been through to get to where they were.

       Every pent-up emotion. Every dark thought. Every time he didn’t kiss her or reach out and touch her. Every explosive argument and ugly word hurled at each other. Every drop of blood spilled for one another. They felt all of it. Life went on, but it was like everything had stood still for them. He was her husband. Her husband. And that was maybe the best thing he’d heard in a long time.   

       Beth stirred underneath his hand. She let out a soft sigh as she rolled over, her hand searching for him even in her drowsy state. A grin tugged at his lips just watching her and he couldn’t help but pull her towards him. She curled into him like she always did, but her eyes fluttered open. The blue of them always took his breath away. Her chin tilted up and he was immediately lost. He drowned in all that he felt for her. Nothing ever compared.

       His head titled, catching her eye, “Ya alright?”

       She nodded, the corner of her lip upturning in a smirk, her cheeks flushing pink. He saw the wheels turning in her mind and he could only guess at what she was thinking, but the flush in her cheeks gave him a solid guess. He watched her gather her hair and push it away from her neck. It was completely subconscious, but he knew what it meant. Just like every time he saw her brush her hair away from her, a pang went through his chest. Flashes of Beth’s unconscious body on the living room floor flooded his mind, before he pushed them away.

       “C’mere,” he gestured in front of him, where he made room for her to sit. As she sat up, the covers fell from her body. He forced his eyes to stay on her face, but she didn’t seem to mind. Something in him pulsed as she so easily slotted herself between his legs.

       With her back to him, his hands automatically went to her hair. His fingers glided through it, detangling it. Beth’s head titled back towards him, her eyes falling shut again. As he gathered her hair, he watched as goosebumps appeared all over her arms and a shiver went through her body when his fingers lightly grazed her back. He hadn’t realized how responsive she was to him until last night. Now, it was all he noticed, like his eyes had been opened. He had started braiding her hair every morning, but somehow this felt different. He finished sooner than he would’ve liked.

       “Got a tie?” he asked, breaking the heavy silence between them. She moved out of his space, stretching to her nightstand to grab one. He wanted to touch her so bad, but he held himself back, knowing she was probably sore and needed a couple of days. She handed him the tie, crawling back to her spot between his legs. He tied her braid off, making sure it was tight enough.

       The minute he finished, the braid thudding against her back, she turned around and brought her lips to his. He felt the desperate edge to it and knew she was worried about him going out on a run today. Beth would never tell him not to go, but her body was doing it for her. He felt it in the way she kissed him.

       When she pulled away, there was a worried crease between her eyebrows, “When do ya leave?”

       “Sooner I go, sooner I get back.”

       She smiled, “Alright. Best get movin’ then.”

 

 

~

 

 

       The gates closed, separating them once more. When she could no longer see the car that carried Daryl and Rick, it truly sunk in how little time they got. It wasn't like Beth thought because they got married life would stop to accommodate them, but it still felt so soon. She had wanted more time with him. More time to talk, to be together, to explore each other. Daryl had opened up a whole other world for her last night and she still had a hard time wrapping her head around it. The only indication that it wasn't all a dream was a little bit of soreness and it was barely noticeable. And it wasn't just him she craved. It was everything that came with it. The vulnerability, the closeness, the softness and the roughness. She didn't know how she'd gone so long without it now that she had it. It was an odd feeling that she wasn't sure she fully unraveled yet.

       Daryl and Rick had planned a run for today. Eugene had located a sorghum farm not too far from here. Their food supplies were running low since the horde scared away all the game and they were finding less and less on runs. Maggie was working night and day on the little farm she’d started in Alexandria ever since the horde wiped it out, but it was still slow going. She knew they needed this. Rick had wanted to find someone else to go with him and give Daryl more time to rest, but he insisted he should go.

       Beth understood. They were going to Hilltop in a few days and he didn’t want to be rusty. It was his first time outside the walls since he got shot. His stitches wouldn’t rip anymore, but she wasn’t convinced he was fully healed, but then again when did anyone get the time to fully heal anymore.

       Beth turned away from the gates, ready to pack her day full of whatever would keep her mind off of Daryl being outside the walls, but was halted when she saw Aidan. His face was set into a hard mask as he looked at the gates, but it broke and softened when he looked at her. "You have a minute?"

       She hesitated, his tone giving her pause, but she nodded. The way he kept glancing between her and the gate was making her antsy. Whatever he needed to talk to her about was obviously unsettling him.

       "I heard the news," he finally started. It took her a second to realize what news he was talking about, but, when she did, a smile crept onto her face despite the bizarre feeling she had in her gut. 

       She'd gotten a few congratulations this morning, but they were all from her family. Tara, Rosita, Abraham, Eugene, Sasha, Tyreese, Dwight, Sherry, Tina, Aaron. She hadn't realized the news spread to most of Alexandria, but it was going to happen sooner or later. And she was glad. A part of her wanted everyone to know. Wanted to yell it from the lookout. But another part of her wanted to keep what Daryl and her had only for them. She felt the need to protect it like it was precious. A while ago, she probably would have said was fragile too, but that couldn't be further from the truth now.

       Aidan blew out a breath, "I was worried."

       Her head snapped up, eyes refocusing on him. Confusion flooded through her, "What?"

       "I was the one that told him what happened. What you did when the horde was on us. I didn't know no one had told him yet," he explained.

       "So, why were ya worried?" She asked, a suspicious feeling taking over. If he was saying what she thought he was saying, then he really didn't get it. After everything they'd been through and he still didn't get it.

       "Never seen someone that angry. When he went looking for you, I was worried he was gonna do something he couldn't take back."

       Beth seethed at his implication. Who did he think he was? She thought he understood. Of all the ways she thought this conversation was going to go, this was not one of them. She wasn’t even willing to hear him out anymore, "You're gonna listen cause I'm only gonna say this once. Daryl would never hurt me. Do ya understand? I appreciate your concern, but I don't need it an' I certainly don't want it.” She paused, letting her words sink in before doubling down, “There's no one I feel safer with. I've watched him rip people apart right in front of me and not once did I think he would ever hurt me. So, don't ever imply that bullshit ta me again.”

       Beth watched him as her words hit him. He wore a hard look, his eyes darting across her face, but eventually he nodded and stood up, almost like he was stretching, "Alright."

       She scoffed, "That's it? After all that?"

       Aidan had the audacity to grin, "Wasn't saying I thought he was gonna hurt you. I did think he was gonna do some irreparable damage by saying some dumb shit though. But I was wrong," he raised his hands up, "Sue me."

       A light bulb clicked and she realized how big of a conclusion she'd jumped to. His arrogance still made her bristle, but that was just how Aidan operated. She could tell it was playful, but she still said, "You're an asshole."

       "Ouch, Greene, that one hurt. Right here," he tapped his heart dramatically, "Just wanted the truth that wasn’t passed through ten different people. I go to the source like the responsible person I am. And look what I get: my head bitten off."

       A grin threatened to take over her face because he was reminding her more and more of Shawn. Her older brother had been overprotective and overbearing, but she had loved him regardless. She would always be his baby sister no matter how old she got. Aidan reminded her so much of him it sometimes hurt looking at him, but not this time. Now, it was like a distant memory wrapping her in a warm embrace. 

       "You deserved it. Didn't your mama teach ya not to go pryin' into people's business?"

       "You're forgetting my mom was a Congresswoman. Prying was her business."

       "Mhm. Shoulda known," Beth joked, "Apple don't fall far from the tree."

       He laughed, "I'm gonna tell her you said that."

       Beth shrugged, knowing full well Deanna would be on her side, "Go right ahead. I'm sure she'd agree with me."

       “You're right about that," he paused, briefly, reorienting himself, "But seriously, congratulations. It's good everything worked out. Need some more happy shit around here. It was getting depressing."

       A genuine smile flooded her face, "Thank you."

       "Am I gonna need to get you a wedding gift now?"

       Beth noticed the way he deflected with his humor. She wasn't sure what he was trying to cover up, but she thought she’d throw him a line, “Are you okay?”

       His mask fell, revealing the exhaustion and the haunted look she saw in all the people around her. He no longer looked defeated, but she was still concerned with the fact that he was trying to cover it up. Although, she was one to talk. That’s all she had done until recently.

       He looked away from her as he answered, “I will be.”

       She sensed a wall, knowing if she pushed hard enough, she could break through. But he needed time. She wasn’t going to push. Beth considered Aidan a friend, so she did what she would want someone else to do for her, “Wanna come train with me an’ Rosita?”

       A beat passed before he said, “Hell yeah.”

 

 

 

       Judith wobbled around the living room, teetering on unstable legs, but somehow still bolting towards her at an unreasonable pace. She crashed into her. The force of it pushed her back slightly. Beth laughed, wrapping her arms around her. She held her close even as she tried to wrestle her way out of her arms to run around again. Beth watched her totter around the room. It struck her how much she'd grown. It simultaneously ached and filled her with joy. Seeing her grow has been one of the best experiences. She was born into adversity, ripped into the world and settled into violence and chaos, but she still bloomed. Beth knew she'd be the strongest of them all.

       The front door clicked open, alerting Beth. A familiar voice shouted as a shock of blond hair whipped down the hallway, "Mika, don't run with your knife out!"

       "Yes, ma'am!" She yelled back from the staircase.

       Beth smiled as Carol entered the living room, "Trainin'?"

       She nodded, "Abraham's doing some gun training. Figured exposing her more and more will help get rid of her fear. Carl being there helps too."

       "I'm not surprised. Been attached at the hip since we got here," Beth said, as she keeps one eye on Judith.

       "I know...I'm starting to worry," Carol sighed. Her brows furrowed in question, waiting for Carol's response. "She won't do anything without him. Won't leave his side. I thought it was just a crush at first, but it's more than that."

       It wasn’t surprising. They bonded over all the traumatic experiences they'd been through together. If anyone understood, Beth did. This family did. She knew what that felt like and she was glad Mika and Carl had found a friendship within each other, but she also knew why Carol was worried. It could easily turn unhealthy, especially since they were both still young.

       "I've been where she is. Still am if I'm bein' honest. It's hard. Pullin' yourself away from that, but I think she'll be okay," she reasoned, honestly. Judith fell into her lap again after exploring the whole of the living room. Her head rammed into her stomach, knocking the breath from her for a second. She refilled her lungs with air before continuing, "Keep her busy. That always helps me. Keeps the panic away most'a the time."

       When she thought too hard about Daryl being on a run with Rick, she could feel the panic bubbling up in her stomach. It was acidic and stifling. So, she had to keep herself busy. Judith was her shining light. Not a distraction. Never a distraction, but a privilege. Beth genuinely loved being with her.

       Carol watched her with that motherly look she craved. It was concern, but not pity. She didn't want Carol to worry. Mika would be alright. If she had somehow turned out okay, so would Mika. "If she needs someone else to talk to, I don't mind," Beth offered.

       Judith babbled in her arms, but all of a sudden, her babbles turned into a word.

       "Ma...Mama," Judith tested softly, grasping at Beth's braid.

       Her head shook on its own accord, "No, Jude. No... no."

       Unbelievable dread and guilt overtook her whole body. Tears immediately sprung into her eyes as all the memories of Lori hit her. Seeing the disappointed look on Rick's face when he found out his daughter called her mama. Beth whipped her head up to Carol looking for a safety line to pull her in and away from this, "How does...how does she even know that word? I haven't been sayin' it," She stuttered, her words getting caught in her throat as it closed up from the tears. 

       Judith crawled out of her lap and towards Carol completely unphased. Beth couldn't catch her breath. This wasn't right. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. Judith was supposed to have her mother. Jolt after jolt of guilt hit her square in the chest because for a split-second Judith was hers. And she was elated. Then, it all came crumbling down. And she couldn't breathe.

       Carol was saying something, but she couldn't hear her over the white noise in her ears. Her tears blurred her vision as she slowly got up from the ground and hauled herself out of the room. She fought the urge to cave in on herself. The pain spiked as she heard Judith giggling behind her. Mama. She wasn't hers. She'd never be hers. In her blur of movement, somehow, Beth got to the backdoor and opened it, letting the air hit her. It surged into her lungs, calming her down. She vaguely heard Mika coming down the stairs in the house, but she tried to focus on her surroundings instead. The grass, the buzz of summer in the air, the breeze that floated over her skin. Regardless of what she did, her thoughts still spiraled.

       No one would ever call her mama. All the dreams she had of being a mother were dead. Torn away from her because how could she ever feel safe enough to bring a child of her own into this world? She would never be someone's mama and she didn't know until now how much that hurt. How much that dream meant to her and how long she'd been in denial. It crushed her. She sat down on the steps, locking everything out as she tried to gather herself together. Her breathing slowed, but the tears still trailed down her face. It was like the last bit of her hope for a dead dream leaving her body.

       She couldn't keep doing this all the time: breaking down and then putting herself back together. It was too exhausting, but she didn't want to shove this down and have to revisit it later. So, she let herself feel it and she let herself mourn for the future she thought she still could've had.

 

~

 

       Carol stood on the porch, bouncing Judith in her arms, but that wasn't what made his heart rate pick up. It was the look on her face. The corners of her mouth were downturned in a frown and her eyebrows were scrunched together slightly. Daryl glanced at Rick to see his face fall in concern and they both picked up their pace. Once Carol spotted them, she intercepted them on the sidewalk. 

       "What happened?" Rick beat him to it.

       Carol glanced at the house behind her, before answering, "It's Beth."

       Daryl was plunged into ice cold water, a fear gripping him like no other, "Where's she?"

       She switched Judith to her other hip, "She's fine. She's inside, but I think you both need to talk to her." Carol looked at Rick pointedly, "Judith called her mama."

       He was taken aback. Of all the things Carol could've said, he never thought it would've been that. This was something he couldn't protect her from. With the way Carol was looking at them both, he knew Beth was upset. And he couldn't fix it. How could he fix something like that? Daryl saw how she felt everything to such an extreme level. He wasn't sure what direction her mind went when it happened, but he knew it only went down. 

       "When did this happen?" Rick asked, staring intently at Carol.

       "About ten minutes ago," she answered.

       Rick ran his hand over his face, "Ya mind watchin' her for a little longer? I'll go talk ta her."

       Carol nodded, "She was out back last time I checked."

       Rick started going for the porch when he put his hand on his chest, halting him, "Imma go first."

       His brother nodded, letting him pass, so he could enter their house. The first thing he noticed was Mika sitting on the couch in the living room. She shot up the minute they appeared. There was a shy smile on her face as she went up to hug Rick. Daryl watched her as she approached him more hesitantly. It looked like she was deciding something until she wrapped her arms around him too. An uncomfortable pang hit him, but it quickly melted. It was a knee-jerk reaction to pull away until Beth. 

       Mika looked up at him with big eyes, "Are you going to make Beth feel better?"

       She was a smart kid. Bright. He liked her and she was good for the kid down the street. Carl too. She reminded him of Sofia, the little time he had been around her. Too sweet for this world, but she was learning. He liked her so he wouldn't lie to her, "Gonna try...Ya know where she's at?"

       Mika pointed out towards the back door. Daryl walked towards the back door. Rick kept back, but he knew he wasn't the one that could fix this. He saw her through the glass, sitting on the steps of the back porch. She looked so small the way she was curled up. He carefully opened the door, knowing how sudden loud noises got to her.

       The minute she heard him, he saw her hurriedly wiping her cheeks with the sleeve of her shirt. His heart squeezed, seeing her like this. Her voice came out thick, “I’m sorry, Carol. I know ya gotta take Mika—”

       She stopped mid-sentence once she turned around. Her eyes widened slightly taking him in, before she walked straight into his arms, burying her face in his chest. He tightened his hold on her, wanting to be her support. She looked up at him, grinning despite the redness in her eyes and wetness on her cheeks, “You’re back.”

       “Mhm,” he confirmed, looking down at his girl who was trying so hard to keep herself together, “Ya wanna talk ‘bout it?”

       Beth let out a long breath, letting her head fall back to his chest, “Guess Carol told ya. I’m alright, just needed a minute.”

       Daryl read between the lines, “A minute for what?” He felt her tense up slightly in his arms, so he pulled her away to look at her clearly. The wheels were spinning in her head as he guessed she was debating whether to tell him, like he’d run if she told him the truth. He wasn’t going to let her drown, “Ain’t gotta hide from me.”

       Tears were no longer falling down her cheeks, but he could see the vacancy at the edges of her eyes. When her chin tipped back to finally look at him, she said, “Mournin’ that no one would ever call me mama. Not really. Judith ain’t mine, but sometimes I picture that she is. When she called me that…reminded me that I’d never be that to anyone.”

       A detached sense of fear poked at him, thinking of what he’d be like as a father. But that fear wasn’t all consuming. It was there, but when he thought about a little girl running around with her voice and eyes, a warmth filled him. Not bitter fear like he thought. It terrified him to think about her so vulnerable, but if that was what she wanted, he’d give it to her. She spoke like she wasn’t present. The distance in her eyes started to concern him. She was blocking herself off, so she didn’t have to feel it. He needed to get her to talk, so he could understand, “Why not?”

       He watched her face sink into confusion, “It’s not safe. Never will be.” Her head titled to the side, the braid he’d done this morning swaying behind her, “You would?”

       “If that’s what ya wanted,” he replied, honestly.

       She shook her head, “Ain’t what I asked.”

       He watched her, carefully, as he spoke, “Scares the shit outta me, thinkin’ ‘bout ya like that. With everythin’ that’s happened, but I would. Wouldn’t mind seein’ a mini you runnin’ around.”

       Her eyes were wide as she took in his words. Her voice coming out soft, “Don’t know if I could…”

       “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that,” he reassured. It was the smarter decision, especially with these Savior assholes breathing down their necks.  

       She nodded, melting back into him. There was so much trust between them that she didn’t even feel the need to question him. He’d never lie to her and she knew that. A part of him couldn’t believe what he’d just confessed to her. He remembered having a vague thought about it after the Wolves attacked, but it was nothing. Just a flash of something he never even truly considered. This was real. It wasn’t just an idea floating around in his head anymore.

       “Rick with ya?” Beth asked.

       “Mhm.”

       She felt her practically cringe away from his words, “I should go talk with him.”

       “Want me ta come?”

       “No, I gotta do this.”

       His hand snaked around the back of her neck, pulling her in so he could kiss the crown of her head. She smiled up at him before heading back inside.

       Daryl pulled out the cigarettes he’d found in the truck they’d brought back. The smoke filled his lungs, calming his nerves. He shook the mostly empty pack out into his hand, before putting it back in his pocket. He rolled his shoulder, his bullet wound still giving him shit, but he can’t say it wasn’t a good day.

       They found food and everyone was all right. That was a good a day as any.

Notes:

We start off with a some important inner monologue from Daryl. Since last chapter's scene wasn't in his POV, it felt important to get his thoughts in this chapter. Rick and Daryl go on a run for the Sorghum truck, which they successfully bring back without Jesus's interference this time (which there is a reason for).

Aidan and Beth have an interesting conversation. As a writer, I really like their dynamic. I think Aidan would remind Beth of her big brother. We may or may not get an Aidan POV at some point in the future. I haven't decided yet. But regardless, that scene was fun to write and will set something up for later.

The big pinnacle scene of this chapter is when Judith calls Beth 'mama'. That's definitely a shock for Beth and it causes a couple of things to hit her. She stops herself short of fully spiraling out, but she still needs to take a minute. Don't worry I will be writing the scene between Rick and Beth. You'll get it next chapter. Daryl has a pretty startling revelation too, but I think he's more concerned with Beth than anything in that moment.

Sorry I don't have much time to go fully into my thoughts, but maybe I will later in the comments lol. All the love <3

Chapter 30: Hilltop

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I'm am so excited for this chapter and I can't wait to see what you all think. Come chat with me in the comments afterwards!

TW: Attempted SA in a nightmare sequences (lasts only a couple sentences).

Thank you all so much for being such amazing and engaged readers. This story is truly nothing without you! All the love <3

       Beth’s mind was reeling and her heart was in her throat. Daryl had dropped a bomb on her and she was supposed to process it by the time she made it to the front of the house. She closed the back door behind her, leaving Daryl outside, but the conversation stuck with her. The moment those words left his mouth, wouldn’t mind seein’ a mini you runnin’ around, she saw that little girl. Saw her playing with Judith. Saw Mika, Carl, Sam, and Enid keeping her entertained. Saw Rick feeding her. Saw Michonne and Maggie taking turns carrying her. Saw Sasha teaching her how to shoot and Rosita and Abraham teaching her to fight. Saw Eugene teaching her math and science and Tyreese and Gabriel comforting her in hard times. Saw Tara and Glenn taking her on her first run. But most of all she saw Daryl being a father.

       She still thought it was an insane idea and one she wouldn’t even think to consider for a long time, but Daryl had given her back a little hope once again. The world was still the way it was. It would always be dangerous and violent. There was no changing that. But something Maggie said came back to her full force: Just cause the old world's dead, don't mean everythin' has to die with it. Maybe she was right. Maybe Daryl was right, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t terrified. Every waking hour and moment she was terrified. She could hardly deal with Daryl being out of her sight. She couldn’t imagine raising a child and not constantly being petrified and on edge. Worried every second of every day that they’d be taken from her.

       Her boots thudded through the hallway until she saw spotted Rick in the kitchen. She heard soft murmurings coming from the front porch and she guessed it was Mika and Carol. She felt bad for letting Carol take over with Judith, but she needed this conversation to happen first or it would kill her. Beth breathed in getting ready to defend herself, but when Rick turned around to face her, his eyes were soft. All the tension eased from her body as he gave her room to speak, “I’m sorry.”

       They were the only words that fell out of her mouth even though she wanted to say so much more.

       A pained look crossed his face, “Did ya think I’d be angry?” He shifted closer towards her, “Disappointed?”

       She wrung her hands, trying to collect her thoughts. Looking Rick in the eye had become difficult. He always saw too much. Knew too much. That was the exact reason she could never lie to him. “Was thinkin’ ‘bout Lori. How it shoulda been her,” she whispered like it was a sin.

       “You know me,” his intense gaze cemented her to the spot, “You know me, Beth.”

       She saw the pleading in the way he tilted his head and leaned down towards her slightly. She knew what he was trying to tell her. That he would never be mad at her, but she was mad at herself. What would Lori think of her daughter calling someone else mom? How did Judith even know that word? Beth thought she could just slip under the radar until Judith got old enough for her to start telling her stories about Lori. That was her plan, at least, but all that shattered the minute ‘mama’ slipped from her mouth.

       “I know you,” Beth finally said, letting him know she understood, “Just don’t know how to make any’a this okay. I never said it, Rick. I swear.”

       Rick let out a long breath, leaning back against the island. His arms crossed in front of him, before he spoke, “I used to feel sorry for kids that have to grow up now. In this. But I think I got it wrong. Growin’ up is gettin’ used to the world. This is easier for them. She won’t ever know what it was like before. So, we make somethin’ new for her. For them all.”

       As his word sunk in, it dawned on her. This situation they were in was only confusing to them: the people who were raised in a world with rules and social norms. But to Judith, this was normal. She could have three moms and two dads. It wouldn’t matter to her because that was her normal. Beth was the one that was confused. She was the one making this harder than it needed to be. She was letting the memory of Lori eat her alive when she knew Lori better than that. All Lori ever wanted was her children to be safe and loved. That’s what any mother would want. Judith had a whole army that loved her and took care of her. There was nothing wrong with that.

       She really had no words. All she could do was nod. He was right. These little things that they still carried with them from the old world no longer held value in this one. Beth was about to speak when Rick added, “I was the one sayin’ it. Teachin’ it to her. It’s what I did with Carl and I wanted it to be the same with her. I’m sorry you got caught in the middle.”

       Now it made sense. Relief melted through her. Rick wanted a familiar moment with his daughter. The same one he had with his son. It was comfortable. Beth finally found her voice, “It’s alright. I was worried I’d taken somethin’ from you.”

       Rick shook his head, “Never.” He stood up to his full height, “You can choose what she calls ya. Mom. Aunt. Beth. It’s up to you. No one would say a word. An’ if they do, they’re gonna have a much bigger problem.”

       He held his ground, letting the threat solidify his stance on the issue once and for all. It struck Beth how lucky she was that Rick and his group showed up on their farm. Even though it was under horrible circumstance, she thanked God everyday they found each other. It wasn’t just because of survival. It was because of this. All these people were the other half of her soul. Her family. Whether blood related or not, they were her blood family. The things they’d gone through together were unimaginable and she was so grateful it was with them.

       Beth walked up to Rick and wrapped her arms around him. She couldn’t remember the last time she hugged him. She couldn’t remember the last time she saw anyone hug him. He had so much on his shoulders constantly and she only knew the half of it. He placed the wellbeing of their family, and now Alexandria, on his shoulders. It was a burden like nothing else. Her arms tightened around him as he hugged her back. She had to remember to do this for him more.

       When she pulled away his eyes were sharp and clear, giving her a small smile, “Everythin’ settled?”

       She nodded, “Yeah.”

       “Good, cause I’m gonna need ya tomorrow.”

 

 

~

 

 

       Her heart was pounding out of her chest. The asphalt beneath her dug into her knees. There was no noise except the blood pounding in her ears. There were no vehicles, no walkers, no anything. Just her, the road, and the faceless man swaying in front of her. She looked past the faceless man and saw an endless road behind him. It stretched on for miles until it disappeared into the horizon. Then, the man’s hand moved from his side to his back slowly, like he didn’t want to frighten her. When it came back into view, he was holding a gun. Somehow, she knew he was a Savior.

       She felt calm despite it all and she realized it was because she was the only one here. Her family was safe. They were safe. The faceless man raised the gun, pointing it at her chest. Beth breathed in deep letting her head fall back towards the sky, but when she looked up all she saw was nothing. No sky, no trees, no sun or moon or stars. It was just a void. The vast openness made her nausea so she snapped her head back towards the man with the gun, but he was no longer pointing it at her. He was aiming to her left. When Beth turned to look what was there, she saw Daryl kneeling down in the empty road. 

       Her stomach rolled, a deep sense of dread and panic filling her. No. They were supposed to be safe.

       "No. Please! I'll do anythin'!" She screamed at the faceless man. When he turned to look back at her, his face morphed and melted until the Governor appeared. Beth sobbed. Not again.

       "Please...please!" She tried to bargain. The Governor twitched as his head involuntarily snapped back on his shoulders. She recoiled at the sight, crunching and popping noises accompanying the movement. It was unnatural and grotesque, but when his head lifted back up, the Wolf was staring at her.

       Bang. The gun fired and she screamed as she watched it hit Daryl in the thigh. He groaned in pain, hunching over, as his hands dug into the asphalt. 

       She was going to be sick. Her eyes were glued to Daryl. She couldn't do this again, "Don't do this. I'll do anythin'. Please."

       The gun finally moved towards her and when she looked down the barrel, she saw the Savior. His greasy hair and sweat covered face made her shrink back. He walked towards her, letting the gun drop until it rested on her forehead, "Ya said anythin'. Get on your back or I shoot him in the head."

       There was no getting out of this. She wasn't lying when she said she'd do anything. As Beth lowered herself to the ground, the Saviors' face morphed one last time. Staring back at her was the Claimer. Blood oozed from the bullet wound in his cheek and dripped down onto her chest. His breath reeked as he spoke, "Woulda look at that. Gonna roll over and take it. Shame. I like it when they fight."

       Faster than she'd seen any human move, he stood up straight and stalked over to Daryl. Beth couldn't even scream as he raised the gun to his temple and pulled the trigger.

 

 

 

       Beth bolted up in bed, a scream dying on her lips. Her surroundings poured into her vision. Everything was still slightly blurring, but it became clearer and clearer with each passing second. The door of their room came into view. Her hands felt the bedsheets underneath her. The chair was still on her right. She had been having a nightmare. Sweat dripped down her back like bugs were crawling all over her. It plastered her face and neck making strands of her hair stick to her neck. She was pushing it away frantically when a hand closed around her arm.

       She jerked away instinctively, half of her brain still in the nightmare. When she turned, she saw Daryl. Alive. Breathing. Unharmed. His blue eyes were tracking her, his body language open like he was trying to calm a startled animal. Her chest heaved as she looked at him. Scanned him for any injuries. Her eyes fell to the stitches on his shoulder. That’s when she knew this was real and not a dream. She climbed into his lap not wasting another second. Her arms wrapped around his neck. He wrapped his around her waist, crushing her to him. He was holding her so tight she was finding it hard to breathe, but she didn't care. This was what she needed. To be grounded and crushed until she couldn’t breathe. It reminded her she was alive and so was he.

       Eventually her breathing evened out until it matched his. She loosened her grip so she could let her head fall into the crook of his neck. He smelled like home. His hands absently stroked her back along her spine. Beth felt her body start to relax. She knew he felt it too because he laid back down, still holding her in his arms. They both stayed like that until the sun came up. 

       Not exactly awake, but not sleeping either.

 

           

 

~

 

 

 

       “I think you’ll like it.”

       Noah was sitting across from her in the RV. Hilltop was half a day’s trip from Alexandria, counting all the road blocks and obstacles. In the old world, it might’ve been forty minutes, but now it took hours. Noah and Edwards had given them all a comprehensive description of what Hilltop was like and the people that ran it. Beth thought it sounded like something out of a historical fiction book she’d read not too long before the world fell, but all that aside she was still worried. Mostly about their leader Gregory. Noah had called him an egotistical asshole, but also said, he was relatively harmless.

       It wasn’t that she was worried about him. More about how Rick and some of the others would react to him. She already knew the dynamic wouldn’t be good. All she could hope for was that Sheppard and Tanaka had successfully prepped Gregory for them, because if they were the ones that had to carve their own path with this guy, it would most likely end with him dead.

       But, of course, she didn’t say any of that, “Think I will too.”

       The RV jostled as it dipped into a pothole. Her body jerked to the left into Daryl. Her hand fell to his thigh to keep herself from falling any further. She righted herself, but didn’t move away. His arm was resting on top of the bench seat behind her, making her feel enclosed in his space. No matter how far they’d gotten, her stomach still did flips whenever she was this close to him. She loved the comfort and familiarity of being near him, but above all else, she loved that he’d become comfortable with it too.

       "We have a guy that can forge you some new arrows or some more throwing knives. He used to be a blacksmith at a colonial reenactment place south of here. He's always happy to get commission, but I'd be careful. He's a hell of a bargainer. Might end up with some knives, but you'll be out a pair of boots," Noah explained with a small smile on his face. It was clear he thought fondly of the man. 

       "He make that for ya?" Daryl asked, his hand gesturing towards the spear that was laid out on the floor near his feet. He took his arm off the top of the bench and let it fall around her shoulders. His hand hung limply near her upper arm. She felt the heat of his hand through the thin long-sleeved shirt she was wearing.

       Noah glanced down briefly, "Yeah. Traded some wool socks for it, but best weapon I've ever had. Hasn't let me down so far. Knock on wood."

       "Guess I'll have to talk with him. Not sure what I got to trade for them right now," Beth said, shrugging, "But why not. If what you're sayin' is true."

       "Oh, don't worry. He'll find something."

       The conversation fell into a lull after that, making it easy for her to fall deeper into Daryl. His warm body next to hers and the swaying of the RV, she found it harder and harder to keep her eyes open. His leather vest crinkled as he shifted underneath her. The knife strapped to his hip dug into her side, but she didn't care. 

       She felt him lean closer to her, his head falling toward her ear as he said, "Sleep. It's alright. Ya need it."

       A smile tugged at her lips, his breath tickled her neck making goosebumps form on her arms, "Ain't sleepin'. Just restin'. There's a difference." She didn't know where the sass was coming from because she really was tired, but something about him being protective of her made something in her thrum and kick to life. She ached for him. Ever since she found out what she'd been missing, it was hard not to think about. She knew now wasn't the time, but it was still fun to tease.

       "No one ever told ya lyin' don't suit ya?" Daryl asked, his voice low.

       "Think I might've heard that one before."

       "Sleep," he practically commanded, but his tone was light. He was only concerned about her since she hadn't slept well last night. He was always concerned about her, but she found he got more protective after nights when she woke up with nightmares.

       Regardless, that wasn't going to stop her from getting one last poke in. "Yes, sir," she mumbled with a barely containable grin on her face. She knew exactly what she did.

       The arm around her shoulders pulled her closer. Every point of contact seared her through her clothes. He didn't say anything else after that, but she could feel the effect her words had on him. His chest rose and fell a little bit faster and his hold on her was a little bit tighter. Eventually, silence filled her head and her eyes began to droop, but not before she glanced at everyone. Double checking everything was okay three times over.

       Maggie was sitting at the breakfast nook, head bowed talking with Glenn, Abraham, and Dwight. Whatever Abraham had just said made Glenn smile and shake his head, Dwight running a hand over his face. Rick was driving. Michonne in the passenger seat. His hand rested on her knee. She would have to ask about that when they got back. Noah and Edwards were across from her and Daryl, sitting in comfortable silence.

       Beth checked over them all three times before she let her eyes fall shut.

 

 

~

 

 

       Hilltop wasn’t anything like she expected. Noah had described it to her in detail, but it still wasn’t enough for her to fully picture it. The walls made of logs were just as tall as Alexandria’s. It felt oddly out of place, but also exactly where it should be. It reminded Beth of those new developments that were built in the middle of nowhere. The communities were modern and sleek, but surrounded by fields and farms for miles. Every time she drove through the Georgia country on her way home, she saw some contemporary townhomes being built in the middle of rural farmland. Nothing for miles on any side. An eerie feeling always settled in her gut every time she saw them.

       As she walked up to the gates of Hilltop, she felt the same way. It didn’t necessarily look out of place, in fact, it blended in nicely with its surroundings, but something didn’t feel right. Maybe it was just the idea of being at a new place or maybe she felt like they were walking into something they had no business walking into. Maybe it was how quiet and still everything was. Regardless, she tightened her hands on the gun that was positioned in front of her.

       Noah and Edwards approached the gate first. She saw them exchange a concerned look when no one immediately greeted them at the outlook. She glanced to Daryl who was slowly raising his crossbow as his eyes darted around the scene in front of him. Rick and Abraham were doing the same. She obviously wasn’t the only one who felt on edge. Daryl even went as far as to sidestep in front of her, becoming a barrier between her and the gate to Hilltop.

       The silence was broken by Noah, “Kal! You up there?”

       He shuffled forward towards the door using his spear as a walking stick. No one appeared at the outlook. A bad feeling rolled in her gut. Something was wrong. Edwards said they had people in their outlook around the clock. Even if they weren’t on top of the outlook, they were near the gate. Beth raised her gun to her shoulder as Noah knocked his fists against the wooden doors in front of him. He paused, waiting for someone to come.

       When no one did, he started knocking again and yelling, “Sheppard! Tanaka! Jesus!”

       She could see the panic start to set in and she wondered if this wasn’t the first time this happened to him. It hurt to see him start to crumble and just as she was about to approach him, the doors heaved opened. It was so sudden Noah almost fell through them. Edwards just barely pulled him back. They all raised their gun, pointing it at the head of the first man that stepped forward.

       The first thing she noticed was how haggard he looked. Dark circles stood out starkly against his pale skin and it made his blue eyes look even more pronounced. His hair was long and straight, but it looked tangled like he hadn’t got the chance to finger comb it in a while. His beard matched his hair. He was short, but had an air about him. A confidence that told her no one should mess with this guy, but there was a sadness there too. If Beth had to guess from appearances alone, this was Jesus. Edwards and Noah had told them a little bit about him and how if they could trust anyone from Hilltop, it would be him.

       Jesus glanced at them all and raised his hands up a small smile forming on his mouth that contrasted greatly with the look in his eyes, “Tanaka said you were bringing guests.”

       Noah pulled him in for a tight hug, “Man what the hell happened? Where’re the outlooks? Where’s Kal?”

       “We’ll talk. Let’s show our guests in first,” Jesus answered diplomatically.

       By now, most of the group had lowered their guns, but the tension hadn’t dissipated. In her peripherals, she saw Rick turn his head towards her. She immediately glanced at him. He nodded his head once towards Hilltop, giving her the go ahead. Beth breathed in deep, steeling her nerves. This was why she was here. To be a mediator. It was what she had done at Alexandria and it’s what she’d do here too. Beth grazed Daryl’s hand as she passed and stepped forward out of the ring of safety. She carefully led their group towards Jesus, Noah, and Edwards, knowing her family had her back if something went wrong.

       Jesus glanced at all of them and she saw the subtle looks at all the guns they were carrying, but he didn’t say anything as he led them inside the walls, “Welcome to Hilltop.”

       Beth looked around in awe. It was like stepping back in time. There was a blacksmith station erected directly to the left. Some small stables not too far behind. A couple healthy farm patches were on the right near the trailers. Each trailer had solar panels rested on top, but what stood out the most was the huge three-story mansion that everything seemed to surround. It was an old colonial style with red brick and white columns and windows. There were people walking around, but an overall melancholy energy radiated through the small community.  

       “Good gracious, Ignatius,” she heard Abraham exclaim behind her, staring at the mansion.

       Jesus led them further inside as he starts talking, “A lot of people came from a FEMA camp. Trailers came with them. And there was a materials yard for a power company nearby. That’s how we put up the walls.”

       “How did people find out about this place,” Michonne asked.

       Jesus points up at the house, “That’s called Barrington house. The family that owned it gave it to the state in the thirties. The state turned it into a living history museum. Every elementary school for fifty miles used to come here for field trips. I think people came here because they figured it would keep running after the modern world broke down. It’s good for security too.”   

       Beth finally spoke up, “We appreciate the welcome and your hospitality.”

       Jesus nodded, “Of course.”

       “We wanted to introduce them to Gregory. They’re hear to talk trade and…Saviors,” Edwards said, hesitating slightly on the last word.

       Jesus’s face fell slightly, his head lowering, before looking back up to address them all, “Gregory’s dead.”

       Beth watched the news hit Noah and Edwards. It didn’t seem like they were upset, but they did look shocked. Surprisingly, Rick was the one to ask, “What happened?”

       Jesus shook his head, absentmindedly, “I’m guessing by what Steven said you know about the Saviors. Negan is the head of their group. As soon as the walls were built, they showed up. They met with Gregory on behalf of their boss. He made a lot of demands, even more threats. And he killed Rory. He was sixteen years old. They beat him to death right in front of us. Said we needed to understand, right off the bat.

       Gregory wasn’t exactly good at confrontation. The way he dealt with the Saviors was negligent at best. They get half of everything. Our supplies, our crops, our livestock, it goes to them. The Saviors claimed our last drop was light. They sent a pretty strong message back to Hilltop. They took one of our guys as collateral. Told them they wanted Gregory’s head in exchange for his release.” Jesus turned more towards Noah and Edwards, “They took Craig. And Ethan killed Gregory to save his brother. We delivered his head, not having much choice after that.”

       Beth knew the Saviors were bad. Dwight had told them as much, but this was something else entirely. Setting ransom at beheading someone because they were light on a delivery was so far removed from any sort of morals. These people were despicable tyrants that needed to be stopped.

       “I’m so sorry,” Beth offered, knowing in no way it could make up for any of it.

       Jesus turned towards her, “It’s what we have to endure.”

       “It don’t gotta be,” a strong voice spoke up behind her. When she turned, she saw Dwight, a determined and angry look on his face. Fire burned in his eyes.

       The Saviors had gotten away with too much already. They all knew Alexandria had been lucky to not encounter them yet, but maybe meeting Noah, Steven, Tanaka, and Sheppard out on that road was a sign. A sign that it was time to fight back.

Notes:

Okay, so, that Rick and Beth scene basically took me all week to write. I kept writing and rewriting it until I finally ended on the scene above and I absolutely love how it ended up. I think it's very true to both their characters. I took a bit of Rick's speech from 5x10 in the barn and put it here. It's my favorite Rick speech in the entire show and I'm so glad I got to fit in a little bit of it here.

With great stress comes more nightmares. Beth is feeling the pressure and the stress of going to Hilltop, which triggers her nightmare. Yes, Beth is healing, but it's a slow journey and process. Not everything is going to go away. Her nightmares will probably stick with her for a long time. She still fears watching Daryl die, so that is still incorporated into her nightmares.

Hilltop is finally here! I was so excited to get here because there's a huge butterfly effect. Since he group was moving slower from Georgia to Virginia, they arrived at Alexandria later than they did in the show. Because of this Rick and Daryl never meet Jesus in the way that they did in the show. Therefore, our group isn't there to stop Ethan from killing Gregory to get his brother back. So, this little change in events will cause some major butterfly effects later and I can't wait for you all to read it :)

I kept Jesus's speech almost the same from episode 6x11. It's a perfect way to introduce his character as an almost de facto leader of Hilltop.

Anyways, all the love and I'll see you guys soon! Come chat with me in the comments <3

Chapter 31: Lines We Cross

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Another Sunday another chapter. I hope you enjoy.

Come chat with me in the comments and let me know your thoughts and predications for how the Savior arc is going to go :)

All my thoughts and explanations will be in the end notes. If you're curious about why I'm writing certain scenes, it will all be down below. All the love <3

       “We’re out gunned and out manned. And it’s not even close.”

       Beth looked to Michonne, who was leaned up against the bookshelf in the corner. Her statement was directed at the room, but reiterating what Dwight had been saying for the last hour. They’d been listening intently to his experiences with the Saviors. The more she heard the more she felt the weight of responsibility to take them all out.

        "Even with both our communities, it won't be enough. Most of the people at Hilltop aren't fighters," Jesus contemplated.

       "But they can learn," Maggie proposed, "We all had to."

       Rick ran his hand over his face clearly exasperated by the information and, frankly, the lack of information discussed in the last hour, "It still won't be enough. We're talkin' hundreds. Right now, the only thing we have over them is they don't know we know."

       "These assholes have been runnin' shit for too long. They're comfortable. We gotta use that," Daryl stated. Beth could tell he was agitated too by the way he was having a hard time standing still.

       Glenn spoke up, "What if I go in? Gather more--"

        "No... No, I'm not riskin' sendin' anyone in there," Rick turned the suggestion down immediately. 

        "We have to play this smart. If we can't take 'em all out in one go, it's gonna come down to a fight. An' right now, it's a fight we won't win. There's too many'a them," Beth finally spoke up, "Dwight, how many fighters do the Saviors have? Not workers. Just people willin’ to fight."

        Dwight contemplated for a second before replying, "Two hundred, give or take. And I'm more inclined to say give."

       "Would the workers ever turn on Negan if they had a fightin' chance?" She asked, a tactic formulating in her brain.

       "Maybe," but there was a hesitancy in his reply.

       "Maybe?"

        Dwight sighed, "Some'a them may turn, but some would stay out'a pure fear. Lot of them don't know there's anythin' better out there. Like I said before, people wanna be promised safety. They'll trade anythin' for it. Even if all they got left is existin'."

       Beth absently circled her thumb against the scar on her wrist, "So, we can't attack. We can't go in. And we can't do nothin'. Ain't got many other options."

       "What we need is more information," Michonne said, crossing her arms over her chest.

       Abraham's voice boomed from the back of the room, "Then we'll get it. We got a shitstorm behind Door A and a storm of shit behind Door B. Ain't no way 'round it. Let these assholes come to us thinkin' they aren't neck deep up shit's creek with their mouths wide open."

       "What do ya propose?" Rick asked, waving his arm towards Abraham to give him the floor.

       "We make Alexandria a kill box. Let 'em come to us with their asses hangin' out. Make 'em think they’re still top dogs. Keep one of 'em alive. Ain't gonna be pretty, but why are dingleberries brown? That's just how shit is."

       "You wanna trap 'em? Kill 'em all? Start a war when we still need more allies and firepower?" Maggie asked.

       Jesus glanced towards Edwards and Noah, before speaking, "I may be able to help with one of those. We ran out of ammo a long time ago, but allies...I might be able to help with that."

       Beth eyes narrowed slightly. If Hilltop had allies, why hadn't they made a move sooner? Her sister was a step ahead of her, "They're more communities?"

       Jesus nodded, "They've had to deal with the Saviors too." She felt a sliver of hope crack open in her soul.

       "You willin' to take us there?" Beth asked Jesus, "Can't leave Alexandria defenseless, but we need ta rally up allies. Sooner the better."

       The de facto Hilltop leader nodded, a bright look in his eyes. She thought he looked less tired, like hope had lit the path ahead for him too. Beth stood getting antsy herself with the building adrenaline of the situation, "I'll go. We can go back to Alexandria first and we'll go from there."

        "Beth—" Daryl started.

       "We all got jobs ta do. And I'm gonna do mine," she reemphasized. "Ya'll have to get Alexandria ready. A lot of our most competent fighters are in this room. You have ta be at home. We don't know when the Saviors’ll come."

       "You can't go alone, Bethie," Maggie said.

       "I won't. I'll be with Jesus."

       Daryl's eyes narrowed at her, "We don't know this guy and you wanna waltz over to some community we ain't know shit about."

       She opened her mouth to reply, when Rick said, "I gotta agree. No offense." He threw the last sentence towards Jesus.

       He held his hands up, "None taken."

       "Then I'll take someone with me from Alexandria. Carol, Aidan, Tyreese, whoever we can spare," Beth offered. Before Daryl could volunteer to go with her, she ended the conversation, "We can talk about it later. This's not why we're here."

       She knew Daryl would volunteer immediately if this conversation kept going. And they needed him at Alexandria. She wouldn't take him from the place he was needed most. She had to do this. It was her job to be a diplomat. As the conversation continued on around her, she glanced at Daryl. He was already looking at her, an uneasy and tense look on his face. She wanted to go to him. That wasn't new. Even when they were at odds, she still wanted to reach for him. Be with him. But this was something she had to do on her own.

        The group continued talking for another hour. Talking strategy, traps, and who should be in charge of what back at Alexandria and Hilltop. They talked trade and training of Hilltop residents regardless of if they chose to fight against the Saviors or not. They planned and planned until they were blue in the face, knowing the Saviors could be at Alexandria’s gates tomorrow. 

        Their meeting was nearing an end when Rick turned to Dwight, "What're the odds Negan shows up the first time?"

        Dwight shook his head, "He wouldn't. Not if you haven’t made yourselves known yet. But who ya might get could be worse."

       "Don't care who we get long as they have the information we need," Rick replied.

       A shiver went up Beth's spine at his words. She knew what they'd have to do to get their information and even though it didn't sit right with her, she understood. Sometimes things were just ugly and that’s how they had to be. If this kept her family safe, she didn't care how it got done. A silence hung in the room, heavy with the weight of their plan and responsibilities. By the end of it all, she was exhausted and it was late into the afternoon. They'd have to stay the night and go back to Alexandria in the morning. 

       Everyone dispersed pretty quickly. The tension in the room driving everyone away, but when they all went their separate ways, Daryl came to her.

       She didn’t care how angry he'd be at her for volunteering to go to the new community. Another separation between them materialized on the horizon. She’d be leaving in two days and Beth wanted to spend every second of those two days with him. Regardless of how mad he was. He was chewing the inside of his cheek, his lips pursed from the action. It made his cheekbones stand out even sharper under the strands of hair that fell across them. 

       The last few weeks felt like a fever dream. Some of it was hazy and hard to recollect, but there were some moments that stood out so clearly, she knew they'd be burned in her brain forever. For better or worse. When she used to wake up from her dreams even before all this, there'd always be one thing her memory latched onto. It was the only piece of her dreams that remained clear. Whether that was a feeling, a person, an event, a conversation. Everything else faded until all she was left with was that one piece. And that one piece was Daryl. He was what she held onto as everything from the last few weeks started to muddle and fade. 

       She would carry those weeks with her for the rest of her life, but the sheer weight of what happened started to lift. Now, all she was left with was him and Beth couldn't be more relieved.

       "Want the RV or the fancy shit?" Daryl asked.

        Her head titled to the side, looking up at him with thinly veiled surprise, "Ya ain't mad?"

       "I look mad?" he countered, challenging her. The deadpan look on his face made it difficult to read him, but if she had to guess, he was angry, but trying not to be.

       "Thought being away—"

       "Safer there than home," he interrupted before she could speculate.

       She realized he was twisting the situation so he didn’t have to think about her leaving. There was no doubt in her mind that he still hated it, but it was inevitable, "What happened to the whole 'never outta my sight' thing?"

       "Still fuckin' pissed 'bout that," he grunted out.

       A small smile tugged at her lips, "I know, but they need ya at Alexandria." He was one of their best. Not only in his ability to fight, but his ability to strategize and read people.

       All he did was vaguely nod. It seemed to her he was distancing himself from her words. Beth sometimes wondered if he still wasn't sure how valuable he was to this family. If he still questioned it. "Ya know I never wanna leave ya, right? Been that way since we burned down that shack."

       Daryl's eyes bounced around her face like he was trying the figure out if she was serious, "Was a dick ta you."

       It was like he was trying to convince her he didn’t deserve her without actually saying it. Like he wasn’t everything to her. She needed to get him out of his head, so she teased, "Only when you’re drunk."

       "Hm...” he grunted, almost cringing, “Ain’t gotta remind me. Shoulda been shot for the way I put my hands on ya like that." She saw the guilt on his face by the way his gaze turned towards the floor. 

       If she was being honest, Beth remembered every moment of that day like it happened yesterday. When they were on the road still, she'd replayed it in her mind. Even though that day was full of so many jarring situations, she thought about it fondly. Even in the moment he exploded at her, there was something cathartic and freeing about yelling all her feelings at someone that was yelling back. Then, when night fell, she saw the true him for the first time. No walls were up between them. A sense of release filled her that night. She was able to be herself without fear of judgement and a side of Daryl she'd never seen came out. A new relationship between them was born. She remembered every detail of that night. Every detail of that conversation. And every feeling that went through her. The grief, the love, the loneliness, the recklessness, the freedom.

       Her hand fell into his, pulling him back to her, "Ya gotta put all'a that away. The Daryl I know burned down a shack with me. Taught me how ta shoot a bow and throw knives. Fed me. Killed for me. Saved my life countless times. Ya never lost faith in me, even when I lost faith in myself… I don’t see you the way you see you. What happened at the shack… I’m grateful."

       He shook his head a little at her like he couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth, "C'mere."

       She melted into his embrace immediately, feeling all the love he wanted to expression through the tightening of his arms. The way he enveloped her like he wanted to pull her into his own body always made her feel weak. Suddenly, the love she had for him hit her so unbelievably hard. It took her breath away and made unshed tears gather in her eyes. It reminded her of when she first figured out, she loved him, in the midst of the chaos and violence of Terminus. He was covered in blood, his eyes black with adrenaline and rage. He was her avenging angel. She had taken one look at him and her heart stopped. His violence never scared her because she knew he’d never hurt her. 

       She gathered herself as much as she could, not wanting to alarm him. It was probably a mixture of the stress of having to leave him and all the overwhelming emotions of the last couple of weeks. She spoke to cover up her overwhelming emotions, pulling out of his arms slightly to look up at him, "RV."

       "Hm?" He grunted in question.

       "We're stayin' in the RV. Ain't stayin' in here surrounded by people we don't know." As much as Beth liked Barrington House, she wasn’t about to spend the night in it. The finery was something to behold, but she wasn’t about to sleep surrounded by so many people she didn’t trust. She trusted Noah and Edwards, but everyone else, she wasn’t sure about yet.

       The corner of his mouth tugged upwards, "That's my girl."

       They reluctantly pulled apart. She froze as she watched him slide off his vest. Her eyes widened at the implication until he said, “Keep it in your pants, Greene.”

       He was folding up his vest when she gathered herself enough to say, “Ain’t a Greene anymore.”

       He paused at that, looking at her, something overcoming his face, “Nah, you’re not.”

       A warmth filled her that was quickly sinking into her gut. If she was lucky, they’d get the RV to themselves. She wanted him the minute she woke up in his arms the morning after their first time, but she held back. She still wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because some voice in her head told her she shouldn’t like it as much as she had. Told her it wasn’t lady-like to beg for more. A part of Beth raged at that voice in her head. Why should she feel bad for wanting Daryl, her husband? Fuck that. She pushed the nagging voice down, but it showed up sometimes when she found herself wanting to ask him for more.

       “Mind holdin’ this?” Daryl’s question pulled her from her thoughts. He held out his vest. Her eyebrows furrowed in question as she took it, “Wanna talk with the blacksmith. Don’t want him takin’ that off me. Figured I’d take the kid’s warnin’ seriously.”

       She nodded, remembering Noah’s warning from earlier. She folded his vest over her arms, his scent drifting up to her nose. Beth figured he needed some new arrows and honestly, she should be asking about some new knives, but she’d wait until the morning. She stretched up on her toes to kiss him lightly, her previous feelings not simmering down quite yet. It was quick and light and all she wanted was more, but they both had things to do.

       They exited the office together. Daryl peeled off to go look for the blacksmith outside. Beth casually slunk on Daryl’s vest partly because she wanted to have her hands free in case something happened. Another part just wanted to be wrapped in something that belonged to him. It engulfed her, but it hung on her shoulders without slipping. Her eyes took in the foyer and saw Edwards sitting at the base of the steps. She watched as he rubbed the bridge of his nose before putting his glasses back on.

       She quietly walked up to him, “So, Steven, huh?”

       The doctor nodded, a sad smile on his face, "Came from a place that only used last names. Guess I got used to Edwards."

       "You, Noah, Sheppard, and Tanaka all came from the same place, right?" Beth asked, curious as to why she hadn't heard them talk about it.

       "Mhm," Edwards pushed up his glasses as his gaze fell to the floor.

        She had a sinking feeling. She knew that look. "That bad?"

        He glanced at her, "Wasn't all that different from the Saviors. Less outward shows of force, but manipulation… It wasn't a good place. I never would've left if I hadn't been forced to. Dwight was right. I held safety higher than anything. Even my own morals. But that place wasn't safe. It was a parasite masquerading as a haven."

        She could see the pain in his eyes, "You're here with us now. That’s all that matters."

       "If you knew the things I'd done, I'm not sure you'd be saying that," he replied, ghosts of his past coming back to haunt him.

       "No," Beth said, vehemently, "We've all done things just ta to stay alive. If you hadn't been here… You're the reason a lot of us aren't dead."

       Flashes of Edwards doing chest compressions on Daryl spiked through her mind with a red-hot poker. Daryl would be dead if it wasn't for him. She owed him everything. There was a long list of people she owed, but the thing is that's what this family did. They protected each other.

       She could see how dealing with the Saviors drudged up a lot of bad memories for Steven. Maybe he’d been on the wrong side at his last place. Maybe he had been making the best out of a bad situation. She’d never know. All she knew was that he was on the right side of things now. He learned from his mistakes.

       "You're too forgiving, Beth," Steven said with a sad smile as he got up and started up the stairs.

       His words hit her harder than she expected. In a past life, she would’ve taken that as a compliment, but now, it felt more like a dig. Forgiveness wasn’t compatible with the type of life they had to live. She didn’t know what Steven had done, maybe it was unforgivable, but she gave him the benefit of the doubt because she’d only seen him do good. But what happens when she gave the benefit of the doubt to someone who took it for granted. Used it for their own gain. In this world, that could get someone killed. Her family killed.

       She could only think: Had her willingness to forgive become a weakness?

 

 

~

 

 

       “You killed Gregory to save your brother. An’ now you’re rottin’ away in a cellar for it.”

       Rick watched the shadow in front of him shift and take the shape of a man. The lit candle at Rick’s feet did little to light up the room, but it gave him enough to pinpoint where Ethan was. He took a risk coming down here, but it was one worth taking. They needed as many people to fight as they could get and someone who was willing to kill for their brother seemed like a good place to start. If he was being honest, the minute he saw Hilltop he wanted to take it. Not for any other reason than it gave them an advantage in the coming conflict, but then, as Michonne reminded him, that would’ve made them no better than the Saviors. It would be difficult to establish leadership here anyway, especially with someone the people didn’t already know.

       “Who the hell are you?” Ethan’s scratchy voice asked from the darkness.

       “I’m the guy that’s gonna get you outta here if ya play your cards right.”

       Shadows danced across the walls and crates in the cellar, making his eyes dart around trying to catch movement that wasn’t there. The thing was: Rick may not stoop low enough to take over Hilltop himself, but he could influence it to their favor.

       “Bullshit…” he said, but he swore the man shifted closer to him.

       Rick shrugged nonchalantly, even though that’s the last thing he felt in this moment, “Alright.”

       He picked up the candle to start walking away, playing a hunch. He didn’t even get to the door, before Ethan stopped him, “Wait.”

       He heard the unspoken question hanging in the air: How? He put the man out of his misery, “I get you out. You convince Hilltop to fight the Saviors. That simple.” Rick was taking a big risk coming down here and trying to win this guy over. He knew nothing about him or his abilities and when he asked Jesus about what happened to the guy that killed Gregory, he was shocked to find out he was rotting beneath their feet. He didn’t care what Hilltop had decided to do with him, but he did care about how he could use him to Alexandria’s advantage. “Jesus said the people saw you as nothing but a coward that attacked them, but I think that’s bullshit. I think Hilltop saw someone willin’ to get things done no matter how dirty his hands got.”

       Was he going too far? Maybe, but what was one more crossed line if it kept his family safe? We have to come for them before they come for us.

 

 

~

 

 

       "Beth," Daryl practically growled across the RV.

       Her head snapped towards him, eyes wide, "What?"

       "Don't 'what' me, girl. You've been lookin' over at me like you're guilty of somethin'. Spit it out," Daryl said, slightly restless.

       Beth hadn't realized she was being so transparent. The sun had set and the RV was lit up by a couple of candles and the blue moonlight coming through the windows. Her wish had been answered. The RV was theirs. The others had either opted for an empty trailer or an empty room in Barrington House. When Beth had offered for her and Daryl to stay in the RV, no one objected. In fact, she thought she noticed Maggie intervene before Abraham could volunteer to sleep in the RV too.

       Now, she was sitting here with too much pent-up energy and her tail between her legs, wondering how she had gone from someone who was always making the first move to a complete mess. The voice in her head that always made her doubt herself was usually directed at her ability to survive. How she hadn’t changed enough to make it in this world. Now, it was like since she'd survived this long it had to shift to something else. Why couldn't she just tell him what she wanted? She'd never had a problem with it before.

       Because it was never sex before.

       There it was. It was such a glaringly obvious reason, but it was also idiotic. She wanted Daryl. More than she could sometimes even admit to herself. She could just ask him, kiss him, do something. She'd done it before, but her insecurity didn't come from the act itself. It came from asking for it. Everything had come so naturally the first time. Now, it was different. If she wanted something, she had to ask for it. She was getting to the point where killing dozens of walkers might’ve been easier.

       Beth realized she hadn't spoken yet and she could still feel his gaze on her. It was maddening. The minute her eyes met his, the small amount of resolution she had crumbled, "It's nothin'."

       His head cocked to the side. He was standing near the front of the RV, having locked up for the night. She was sat on the bench and his narrowed stare hit her hard, "Don't lie ta me."

       He had her there. She never lied to him. Her face heated up at the fact he called her out. She wasn't trying to lie. Beth just didn't know where to start explaining how she was feeling, because she wasn’t entirely sure herself. All she knew was she wanted him and something was stopping her.

       "Wasn't tryin' to," she sighed, tired of feeling useless in a whole new way. Her breathing picked up as he walked towards her and sat down across from her. The way he moved always took her breath away.

       "You been fidgetin' like you're gonna break outta your own skin," he pointed out, his hand gesturing towards her body.

       She huffed out a strangled laugh, "That's exactly what I'm doin'."

       "You gonna tell me why or we just gonna dance 'round this all night?"

       Was she really going to do this right now? Yes. Every fiber of her being told her yes, but the voice in the back of her head told her it wasn't right. It wasn't proper. Then, a new and more powerful voice told it fuck off. Coincidentally, it sounded very similar to Daryl’s voice. Everything faded. Her inner struggle shutting off immediately. She almost giggled out loud finding it funny how Daryl's voice went from telling her she deserved to survive and be alive to telling her she deserved to want him freely. Not having the constant back and forth going on between her mind and her body and heart was relieving. She felt some of the tension leave her shoulders.

       She took in a deep breath, "I wanna..." she gestured between the two of them feeling mortified that she couldn't even say the whole sentence out loud. She pushed everything down that was making her doubt herself, because she did not survive all this time to be taken out by this bullshit. 

       "I want you."

       She looked back up at him realizing her eyes had drifted to the floor of the aisleway between them. When her eyes met his, the first thing she saw were the shadows dancing over his face from the candle on the table to her right. Half of his face was in the light and the other half was cast in shadows. He looked devastating. But what made her breath hitch was the dark look in his eyes.

       "That's what you've been sittin' here thinkin' 'bout?" His voice was low and it crawled down her spine and settled in her gut. Then, it looked like something dawned on him because he sat forward slightly, "You were nervous."

       It wasn't a question. It was a statement. She nodded her head, her lips feeling like they were glued shut.

       "Why?" Daryl asked.

       Her hand came up to her face to wipe back her baby hairs, "Don't matter," she shrugged, "I got there."

       He shifted on the bench, "Ya think I want ya holdin' that shit back from me?”

       She answered, some of her confidence coming back, “No.”

       “Mhm…” he grunted as confirmation.

       Once she voiced what she wanted, all of the insecurity disappeared. Daryl always made her feel safe. None of this had anything to do with him. Something buried deep inside her had been awoken. Maybe it was how she was raised or maybe it had something to do with not feeling good enough to deserve this happiness, like she hadn’t earned it. Whatever it was, she didn’t want it getting between them, because this was on her. Not him.

       Beth got up from the bench and crossed the narrow aisleway towards Daryl. His legs widened slightly so she could walk right into him. Just like when she’d first given him a haircut, she settled into his lap. The immediate connection between them set her skin on fire. She could’ve sworn she heard a groan rumble in the back of his throat. His warm hands carefully rested on her thighs.

       “Wanna find out how much worse we are than Glenn an’ Maggie,” Beth teased, leaning closer to him. His hands slid up her thighs and settled on her waist. He squeezed and the pressure made her eyes shut in bliss. Her breathing picking up. She was so close to him that her heaving chest brushed up against his.

       In one fell swoop, Daryl stood up and lifted her up with him. She clung to him, a breathy laugh escaping her, as he stalked to the only bed in the RV. Only having to travel a few steps, he gently laid her out on the bed. His hands came down near her head, caging her into his space. He looked down at her his eyes swimming with unspoken love and devotion. It nearly broke her, but his teasing words reached her ears first, “Already know. Gonna be worse.”

Notes:

Alright, so we're getting into the true "start" of the Savior arc. Since, we have Dwight on our side we know the Saviors are a lot bigger group than what they assumed in the show. So, the attack on the satellite station won't be happening because we're a little wiser. They discuss a couple of different tactics on how to take on the Saviors, but they come to the conclusion that letting them come to Alexandria unprepared is the safest bet. Dwight was just a worker at this point, not an officer, so he wasn't privy to all the really valuable outpost information. They need someone that has that information.

Beth volunteers to go to the Kingdom because she feels its her responsibility as Alexandria's "diplomat". I'm really excited to write the next couple of chapters revolving around Beth and the Kingdom.

We get a little glimpse of Grady Memorial and how it was for Noah, Steven, Sheppard, and Tanaka. Something major did happen at Grady, but it hasn't been revealed yet lol. Stay tuned.

We also see a different side of Rick. At this point, Rick is still in peak season 6 mode. His conversation with Ethan is...interesting. He's crossing a line by manipulating the situation. In the show, the satellite station was our first glimpse at seeing our group cross the line in a massive way. This is on a lot smaller scale, but it's still something. Rick has some reservations about Jesus being the leader at Hilltop. A part of him doesn't think he'd be a good leader in war (not strong enough to make the hard decisions). That's coming out in the scene near the end. In the show, he steps back and lets Maggie handle the situation with Gregory, but because he's dead and because of a bunch of other things that have happened differently, he still feels the need to carry the weight of the group's decisions alone. He'll learn...eventually lol.

Finally, I am exploring a little subplot with Beth's character. As I've mentioned before, Beth was raised religiously in the South. So, I'm guessing she grew up with a lot of reservations around sex. Just because she got married doesn't mean those just evaporate overnight. I wanted to explore this push and pull she has when it comes to asking for what she wants and battling that voice in her head that tells her she's being "easy" or a "slut". You know, all the bullshit lol. It's something she has to work through. It's an interesting little tidbit/subplot I've wanted to explore for a little bit.

Anyways, as always, you guys are the best! All the love and let me know all your thoughts <3

Chapter 32: New World Order

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Hope you're doing well. Here's another chapter for you.

IMPORTANT: I don't think I will be able to make next Sunday's post (2/18) because I have such an insane week coming up. I will try my best, but it may not be up until the following Sunday. It pains me to have to skip a week because I haven't missed one yet, but it is what it is, unfortunately. So, the next chapter may not be up right away, but it will be up eventually and we'll be back to our regularly scheduled Sunday updates afterwards.

Anyways, come chat with me in the comments it always makes my weeks! I really appreciate all of you and as always my ramblings will be in the end notes! All the love <3

       The trees flew by the window, becoming a blur of green and brown. Rays of sunlight peaked through the branches on the side of the road. It reminded Daryl of the time his mom brought home one of those tube-shaped toys filled with colored glass and mirrors. He'd spent a good long while out in the woods with that thing, disappearing for hours until his daddy broke it over his back. By then, that little toy had become an escape, a slice of peace in his fucked-up life. Eventually, hunting became that quietness. He could disappear for a week and no one would be the wiser, but he'd always come back. Something about waking up in peace and quiet and not to glass shattering and screaming, brought a calmness to his mind. Everything in the woods was simple. The mornings especially. The day hadn't started and everything was new. As Daryl watched the world fly by, his thoughts drifted in and out. 

       They'd left Hilltop around midday. Rick saying something about needed to wrap up some business first. He'd wanted to leave the minute they got there, but now that he knew Beth was leaving when they got back to Alexandria, he wouldn't have minded staying longer. Hilltop hadn't been a bust and that's what mattered. They had a plan and weren't just waiting around for the other shoe to drop. Except now, Beth was leaving and last night hadn't made it any easier. Her words still floated through his mind, making his head spin.

 

       "You're not gonna break me...Please."

 

       Daryl's eyes shut as her words from last night played in his head. He always wondered how she knew exactly what to say to make him unravel. When they'd claimed the RV for the night, she'd retreated. He could tell by the way she only spoke when he asked her something directly or by the way she fidgeted constantly. But it really started getting to him when she kept glancing at him and turning away, like she could barely stand to look at him. Some dark part of him tried to convince him Beth was done with him. All the highs had come crashing down and she had realized she'd made a mistake by marrying him. But he didn't want to make the same fucked up mistake by assuming what she was thinking. It always ended up biting him in the ass later.

       He'd snapped at her, agitated by the tension. And just like she always did, without even trying, she soothed it all away. Daryl had never seen her so timid before and when he'd realized what was going on inside her head, he felt his whole demeanor shift.

       The way she was last night made that same dark part of him want to lock her up and throw away the key. Want to keep her safe. Want to explore her and figure out everything she liked and didn't like. Maybe in another life they would've had time to do that, but not this one. 

 

       Her hands gripped his arms like he was the only thing anchoring her to this life. Her nails dug half-moons into his skin. He was mesmerized by every sound she made. By the way her body moved in response to his. 

       Her head fell back against the bed and he watched as her eyes slammed shut. Sounds he wish he could capture fell from her lips, only amplified by the silence of the night.

 

       She had been nervous to ask him for what she wanted. He still couldn't understand why. There was nothing he wouldn't give that girl. He had tried his best to cover up his surprise, not wanting to make her feel embarrassed, but he wanted to know why. He was going to find out eventually, but the minute she dropped down onto his lap. It was all over. He was hers. Beth had been someone different. She'd unlocked something in him he'd always been afraid of, but she made it clear that's what she wanted. That she loved him for that part of him too. And not only loved that part of him, but needed it.

 

       "I need you. Harder," Beth whimpered into his neck. Her words lit him on fire. Opening up something he refused to touch in front of her for a long time. He pulled her away far enough to slam his mouth to hers in a kiss hard enough to bruise. She didn't back away. Didn't run. She wasn't scared. Beth pushed back.

       He was going to implode with how much he loved her. In moments like this it seemed to pass the point of love and into something else entirely. And he’d give her everything.

 

       When the high was over, the same fear came back just like the first time. Had he hurt her? This time it was different. She wanted him harder. Rougher. Not cruel. He'd never be like his dad. There were no tears this time, but he could have sworn the look on her face was the same after he settled inside her. It was relief. Peace. The same way he felt when he stepped foot out of his house and disappeared into the woods. But there was also a desperation that came with no matter how close he was to her it never seemed to be close enough. She had asked him to grip her tighter. She'd closed his hands around her tight enough that he was afraid his hands would leave bruises on her pale skin.

       He was too lost in her to hear the voice in his head that told him he was just like his dad. Too lost in the way she pleaded for him. And the way she yelled out his name like it was the only word she remembered how to say. But most of all, he was lost in the way she made him feel loved like no one else had.

       Daryl knew Beth loved him. He could see it, but it was something different when he could feel it too. When she felt something, she felt it with her whole body. Her whole soul. He'd seen grief physically make her crumble. He'd seen her love make her soar and make her fight. And last night, he'd felt it. How she craved him. Daryl wasn't sure he ever knew what that was like until now: to be needed and wanted in every way. He always thought he was the one that needed her. She kept the hope alive for him. Once he realized what she was asking, he saw that she not only wanted him, but needed him. And not just sex, but everything.

 

       "I love you," she whispered against his lips, a shudder going through her body as he gripped onto her hip tighter. No matter how many times she said it, it ruined him every time. Her leg fell from where it was hooked around his hip. Daryl let his hand drift down her thigh as he helped guide it back in place.

       He watched her face as he drove his hips forward, "Say it again."

       Her nails dug into his shoulders, but he found the pain just heightened everything else. Beth's mouth fully captured his, entangling every part of their bodies. He dove into her, unable to get enough. He had a feeling he never would. His hips snapped forward again and the words he wanted to hear filled the air between them, "I love you."

       He repeated them back to her like a promise. An oath that he'd keep until he was ripped from this world. He wouldn't go easy, not if he still had Beth.

 

       From the moment those words fell from her mouth, he couldn't take his eyes off her. Even now, he watched her. She had a serious look on her face, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration as she listened to Abraham draw out the layout of Alexandria on the RV table. Every now and then she'd look up at him, like she was still checking he was there. That little grin he loved so much would tug at the corner of her lips. And all he could think was about the next time he could claim it as his.

       His hand went into his right pants pocket and enclosed around something cold. It tinged his palm, but the metal warmed up quickly. He rolled it in his fingers, careful not to dent the shape. Beth deserved better, but this is what he had to offer her now: all of him and the tip of one of his crossbow bolts melted down and reshaped into a ring. 

       It had cost him nothing but the bolt. The blacksmith, Jeremiah, was an older man that didn't talk much, which Daryl appreciated. He didn't ask any questions either. He told him what he needed and that was that. When Daryl had asked what he wanted in exchange all he said was, "Come back ta me when ya run outta bolts."

       Now, the ring was burning a hole in his pocket. He didn’t know how to give it to her. He never thought about giving a ring to anyone, let alone a wedding ring. It was just a simple metal band. Nothing fancy. He could’ve easily found a nicer one with one of those big diamonds, but it didn’t feel right. He’d told Rick just that this morning.

 

       "Daryl," Rick got his attention. Walker bodies littered the ground around them. The two Hilltop guards on the outposts watched them as they dispatched the stranglers gathering outside the walls. Rick had grabbed him ten minutes ago, whispering something about a sign of good faith or some shit, like they hadn’t already done that by bringing Edwards and Noah back safe. But Rick was working some angle and he wasn’t about to get in the way of that.

       "Hm?"

       Rick stood up from one of the walker bodies and held out his hand. A bloody silver band rested in his palm, "Can give it ta her. Figured I got booted from best man duties, but I can still worm my way in somehow."

       Daryl looked between the ring and Rick before shaking his head, "Ain't gonna give her someone else's ring," he turned away, cleaning off his bolts in a clean patch of grass, "Somethin' my dad woulda done. An' she deserves better."

       He heard a soft thud behind him as Rick tossed the ring to the ground, but something else nagged at Daryl. "You pissed ya weren't there?"

       Rick was getting ready to start piling up the walkers to burn when he said, "Nah, but I'd like ta think I had somethin' ta do with it. Was miserable watchin' you two."

       "Watch it," Daryl warned, Rick's sarcasm jabbing him lightly.

       His hand fell to his belt, shrugging his shoulders, "Ain't nothin' wrong with a nudge or two...or twenty."

       Daryl huffed out a breath, "Least I ain’t hidin’ my shit no more." It was lighthearted, unlike how Merle and him used to be. He knew Rick cared, but with Merle he could sometimes feel the resentment behind his words. Its why it always turned ugly. There was nothing vindictive behind either of their words. Nothing to hide.

       Rick chuckled and genuine grin formed on his face, “You tryin’ ta say somethin’?”

       “Yeah, ya ain’t slick. Think we ain’t noticed?” Daryl asked, sarcasm clear as he hinted at him and Michonne.

       Rick threw a dead walker onto the ever-growing pile, “Think you people have nothin’ better ta do.”

       “Bullshit,” he dragged another walker into the pile and stood next to his brother, “’Bout damn time.”

       Rick shook his head, “Ya sound like me now.”

       All he did was grunt in acknowledgement and they got back to work. He was happy for Rick. He really was. After everything he’d gone through with Lori, the man deserved to be happy.

 

       Daryl rolled the ring between his fingers, holding himself back from just giving it to her now. He’d at least wait until they got back to Alexandria. It wasn’t that long ago where he was worried about everyone finding out how he felt about Beth. Finding out he was a dirty son of a bitch for thinking about sweet Beth like that. Now, all he wanted was for everyone to know. He wanted to see her with his ring on her finger. And maybe that made him a territorial asshole, but for once, he didn’t care.

       Beth glanced over at him again, checking he was still there. And he understood now, he always wanted to be there when she checked.

 

~

 

       "Will ya go with her?" Daryl felt guilty asking, but there was no one he trusted more. Carol stared at him, her head tilting to the side, "I'll look after the kid. Get her in the tunnels if somethin' happens 'fore ya get back."

       Carol stayed quiet for a second. The corners of her mouth pulled tight and a crease appeared between her eyebrows "You tryin' to get rid of me?"

       Daryl grunted, knowing she was teasing him, "Wouldn't ask if—"

       "I know," she nodded, "Mika could use it anyway. Separation. It'll be hard on her, but she needs to learn."

       Just as she said it, Daryl saw Mika walking down the road with Carl and Tyreese, "She's gotta whole lotta people that care 'bout her. We'll make sure she's alright." 

       Carol bumped into his side, "I know. Could use the fresh air anyways."

       He huffed out a laugh. Always with the damn sarcasm. Daryl caught movement in his peripherals and saw Maggie approaching them. Her hand coming up to her brow to shield her eyes from the sun, "I'll go too. I want to. If ya wanna stay Carol, ya can."

       "No, all three of us going will be better anyway. Can come at them from all angles," Carol said, a smirk on her face that Daryl knew meant trouble.

       Kingdom had no idea what was about to hit them. Maggie and Beth together were already a dangerous pair. Adding Carol to the mix was going to be deadly, "They're fucked."

       Maggie laughed. And it was the first time Daryl had heard her laugh in a long time. With that settled, he felt significantly better about Beth leaving. She’d have Carol and her sister to back her up. He still wasn’t sure about Jesus, but from what he heard, the guy could fight. He was about to go find Beth when Maggie stopped him with a hand on his forearm. He saw Carol glance between them both, sensing the need for a private moment, and started walking to intercept Mika and Tyreese. 

       She glanced over her shoulder briefly like she was checking for something, before she spoke, "Wanted ta thank you."

       He shifted uncomfortably, not knowing where this was going, "Why?"

       "Never thought I'd see Beth happy 'gain. Not since Shawn and Annette...And daddy. She's lost so much. We all have, but she was—" Maggie trailed off, gathering herself again, "You've given her back somethin'."

       Daryl had no words. He usually didn't, but this was different. He considered Maggie family. Before the world went to shit, family to him was just blood. Blood that showed love by screaming and hitting each other. This family was the one that taught him that wasn't how it worked. Love didn't have to hurt. He'd fucked up with Beth more times than he could count. Yet, she was always there to remind him that her love wasn't conditional. She stuck by him until he finally figured his shit out. Nobody should be thanking him. Beth was the one that brought him back.

       He felt his chest tighten as he spoke the truth, "That was all her."

       Maggie shook her head, a subtle look of disbelief on her face. She slowly wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. His surprise delayed his reaction considerably. He'd barely had time to hug her back before she was already pulling away, "She needs ya to be alright."

       The corners of her mouth were pulled downward in a serious expression. Daryl felt every single word and he heard what she was saying underneath: she won't be alright if you're not. He had to be the last man standing even if it killed him in the process. He'd do it for her. So, she'd be alright. This heavy conversation felt like it came out of nowhere and hit him like a truck, but something about it felt so familiar. Like déjà vu. It was like remembering something from a dream he'd had a long time ago. Whatever it was, he shook off the feeling.

       Daryl nodded, knowing a grave look fell across his face at even the thought of Beth being anywhere but in this world with him.

       A flash of blond hair catching the sunlight caught his attention. His eyes latched onto her as she walked with Jesus, introducing him to Aaron and Denise. He watched her smile. Watched her hair, that had grown a few inches longer, sway behind her back. The fact she hadn’t cut it off showed how resilient she was. It constantly threatened to remind her of what that piece of shit Wolf almost did to her. When it got wrapped around her neck, he saw the panic spark in her eyes. Saw the way she withdrew and saw things that weren’t there. And every single time, he watched her push back. There was a moment where he wanted to suggest cutting it off, but then he realized, this was her way of fighting. It was her not letting all the shitty stuff she’d been through win.

        And even after all the shit she'd gone through, she was still kind. When he'd first met her on the farm, he remembered thinking that would be the thing that killed her. That her kindness was a weakness. He couldn't have been more wrong. It was the thing that's kept her alive. It was her strength. Her stubborn will to keep believing in people is what opened his eyes to something better than just surviving.

       Daryl turned back to Maggie, knowing he owed her so much more than this, "Imma watch out for Glenn. Whatever I gotta do. He'll be here when ya come back."

       He never made promises he couldn't keep. This wasn't a promise. It’s what he was going to do. Mika and Glenn were his responsibility. If something happened to them, it was on him.

 

~

 

       “Wish ya coulda met my mama,” Beth’s hand danced over his chest as she spoke softly into the void of their dark room, “She woulda really liked you.”

       They were both exhausted and had slumped into bed without even removing their clothes. They’d spent the rest of the day and some of the night preparing Alexandria for the Saviors. They briefed everyone, gave people jobs, introduced Jesus to Deanna, placed stashes of weapons at various hideouts. Eugene, Abraham, and Rosita rigged a couple homemade traps just in case. They search and cleared the tunnels under Alexandria, hid the sewer grates, just in case one of the Saviors got smart. They prepared as best they could by making sure anyone unwanted that walked into their home wasn’t leaving. It would be a hard fight, but it was necessary.

       Beth had been loading guns, splitting them up into caches, and wheeling them around Alexandria in bins to hide. Now, their entire arsenal wouldn’t be all in one place and they could be easily grabbed, if someone knew where they were. When she wasn’t prepping Alexandria, she was preparing herself to leave tomorrow. Daryl had been staring at her packed bag in the corner of the room for the past ten minutes. It was an unforgiving reminder. One that seemed to push him over the edge.

       Daryl slid his hand into his pocket to find the ring he knew was there as he answered her, “Yeah?”

       He’d never met Beth’s mother, but he imagined she took after her. He was sure he remembered Hershel saying just as much back at the prison. The only time he’d seen her mom was when she walked out of the barn on the farm. He was trying to hold himself together for Carol, but he felt the same splinter in himself that he saw in Beth when she collapsed by her mom’s side.

       Beth’s head turned up to the ceiling, “Yeah. I know she woulda. She always saw the best in everyone. Probably when they didn’t even deserve it. She was kind, but strong. Never lost who she was.”

       Exactly like Beth. She was talking about her like it was something unachievable for her. “Sounds familiar.” She shook her head, like the idea wasn’t even possible, so he added, “Remember your daddy sayin’ how alike you two were.”

       She finally turned to look up at him. Even in the darkness of their room, he could still see her wide eyes looking at him. They pierced through him as she whispered, “I miss ‘em.”

       His heart squeezed in his chest, knowing there wasn’t anything he could do to make it stop hurting. He missed Merle sometimes even though he was a son of a bitch. He was still his brother. Daryl couldn’t fix that kind of hurt. Couldn’t make it better for her. It was something they all lived with.

       “I know,” was all he could say. He snaked his arm underneath her and pulled her fully on top of him. His arms wrapped around her instinctively and he felt her face nuzzle into his neck, like she always did when they were like this. He knew this was a rare moment for Beth. She rarely talked about the things that bothered her. She was always so busy taking care of everyone else. He knew she missed them. He could see it in her eyes, but it was a rare thing when she voiced it out loud.

       She settled, curling around him. It took him so long to get used to her being in his space. Now, he never wanted her to leave. He’d take any chance he got to be with her. He knew he sounded like one of those shitty romance novels, but he couldn’t give less of a shit.

       With her sudden admission, Daryl left the ring in his pocket, knowing it wasn’t the time. As small as it was, it was still a moment of mourning for them both. For Hershel, Annette, Shawn, Otis, Patricia, and Merle. The silence between them was heavy with the weight of their grief, but none of it felt bad. He was glad she let it out. Let him into her head, so he could be there for her.

       The exhaustion of the day pulled them both into a deep sleep, only each other and their memories to keep them company.

 

~

 

       Beth hiked up her backpack. She rounded the corner to see the front gates of her home. Daryl had made sure she was armed to the teeth with every kind of weapon she could fit on her person. Her knives, her bow, a handgun. He even put an extra revolver in her bag. No matter how many times she stressed she didn’t need it, he still insisted. It made her want to drag him back to bed and never leave. Daryl rarely expressed his love for her out loud, but he didn’t need to. She felt it every time he insisted, she bring an extra gun, or when he brought her food, or when he braided her hair in the morning. When he’d take over with Judith when she was too exhausted to keep her eyes open. It was a never-ending list.

       She looked up at Daryl, the early morning sun rising above them. It was a quiet morning. The birds had started to come back after the horde chased all the animal life away, but it was particularly soft this morning. And an eerie feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. The whole of Alexandria was restless, waiting for the other shoe to drop. The tension in the air was palpable. She shifted on her feet, pausing down the street from the gate. She was early, but Rick was up near the gate. His hand was in Judith’s, who was wobbling around his feet as he talked with Sasha on guard duty. Beth didn’t want to leave. Her feet wouldn’t move, but she had to.

       Daryl’s blue eyes finally connected with hers and without having to utter a word she could hear exactly what he wanted to say. It was so loud and clear to her that she wondered if everyone around them could read them like an open book. His intense gaze rooted her to the spot. She didn’t want to leave her home. The world around them disappeared it oddly felt comforting. And that’s why she didn’t hear the distant rumbling, until Sasha shouted from above.

       “They’re here!”

       Her head snapped towards her, dread immediately washing over her.

       Sasha shouted again, “The Saviors! They’re coming!”

       She felt her body move before her mind could even comprehend the words Sasha had just doomed them all with. Beth ran towards Rick at the gate, hearing Daryl’s footfalls behind her. There was a frantic look on his face and she was sure it matched her own, but she snapped herself out of it and immediately took off her pack and her bow. They slumped to the ground by her feet and she quickly rummaged through the bag, pulling out the revolver. She shoved the extra gun into her pants.

       “Rick! Give her here,” Beth reached for Judith.

       Without a thought, Rick passed his daughter into her arms, “We’re not gonna have time ta make it to the points.”

       “I know. Go. She won’t leave my arms, I swear.”

       Rick nodded, his pained eyes dropping to Judith, before running off down the street, warning people as he went. He passed Deanna, who was walking up to the front gates calmly. Her shoulders were set and there was a cold look on her face. Beth turned back to Daryl, who looked torn between doing what he had to do or staying by her side. She grabbed his hand and squeezed three times, “Go.”

       He took one more moment to look at her before threw her bag and bow over his shoulder and ran deeper into Alexandria. He disappeared around the corner leaving only Beth and Judith, Deanna, and Sasha near the front gates. Beth heard the door of a truck slamming shut on the other side of the wall as Deanna came up to stand next to her. A voice she didn’t recognize bellowed, “Alexandria! Welcome to the new world order.”

       This was it. The Saviors were here.   

Notes:

Let me just say, writing spicy Daryl from his POV is such a pain in the ass, but I do it for you all lol. The reason it's a pain is because theres just so much unknown there with his character. We have almost zero reference to how he would be during any of that, so I try my best to keep it within his character, but this is uncharted waters guys. Regardless, I still really liked how the beginning scene turned out. I didn't leave you all completely hanging with what happened in the RV ;)

Daryl and the wedding ring is a big thing! Now, listen, I wasn't trying to diss Glenn and how he proposed to Maggie! I just think Daryl would want to give her something from him and not something that was originally someone else's. Do I know if there is, realistically, enough metal at the end of one of his bolts to make a ring? No. But I went with it because I liked the idea lol. I hope you guys can overlook it or stretch your imaginations a little for that one.

So, Daryl asked Carol to go with Beth. This seemed like the only logical choice in my brain. Daryl trusts Carol without any restraint. Maggie volunteers because Beth's her sister, which just makes sense. I originally was going to have Daryl ask Aidan or Tyreese, but it seemed highly unlikely that he'd trust Beth with either of them (he'd trust Tyreese more than Aidan, but still).

While Daryl is talking with Maggie, he has a bit of deja vu and that's me referencing the conversation he had with Hershel while he was shot. It's just a fun little tidbit, but it really drives home that Maggie and Hershel thought similarly when it comes to Beth.

Finally, the Saviors are here...things are about to get sticky.

Anyways, all the love as always <3 See you not next week, but the week after!

Chapter 33: When Was Too Far Gone?

Notes:

Hello lovelies, I'm back! Here with an early (or late) update depending on how you look at it. Sorry to have left you guys on a pretty big cliffhanger, but we're here!

And I can't wait to hear all your thoughts on everything that goes down in this chapter. Come chat with me in the comments or if you have questions about why I went this route, I'd love to hear them all.

Trigger Warning: Attempted SA near the end.

Anyways, as usual, all my thoughts will be in the end notes. Thank you guys for being the absolute best. All the love <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       Beth watched a crew of about thirty Saviors saunter into Alexandria like they owned the place. They were led by an older man with dead eyes and an alarming smile. All of them were heavily armed and, surprisingly, they were all men. Or, maybe, not surprisingly. Alexandria was eerily quiet and she wondered how long it would take the Saviors to realize something was wrong. They fanned out in front of her, Deanna, and Sasha. Judith squirmed in her arms, but the minute she saw the men approaching, she hid in her shoulder.

       They all stood their ground as the man in front approached them. He walked with his hips jutted forward ever so slightly and his chest pushed out. Usually, Beth would think it looked ridiculous, but this man just looked dangerous. Unhinged. She could already see he enjoyed the fear he caused.

       He was oddly jovial as he finally spoke to them, “Alexandria? Seems a little on the nose, don’t you think? Mind if we make ourselves at home?”

       The men behind him shifted, scanning their community. Some leered at her and Sasha, like the only thing keeping them from descending was their leader not giving the go ahead. They made her skin crawl. These weren’t men that were doing this for survival. These were the Saviors that enjoyed the suffering they inflicted. Enjoyed the fear and the torment. Dwight warned them that Negan wasn’t the worst they could come up against. It seemed they’d drawn a short straw, but it made what was coming easier for her to digest.

       The man continued talking, drawing her attention back to him, “Introductions aren’t really my forte. I prefer to skip right to the good stuff, however since I’m pretty sure ya’ll are new to the block, I think some spark notes will do you good. The name’s Simon and we’re about to see how well you follow orders. Usually, we introduce ourselves by just popping one of you right off the bat, but you look like smart people. Who’s the leader at this lovely establishment you got here?”

       Deanna stepped forward, her small stature completely disappearing, as the leader she was stood tall, “I am.”

       Simon smiled, one that looked almost comically big. He made it a point to look down his nose at her, “Well thank God for that! I was getting so sick and tired of measuring dick sizes with all these other assholes. You seem like a reasonable woman…?” He paused, looking at her expectingly.

       “Deanna,” she filled in for him, her voice steady and calm.

       “Deanna, great. So, here’s the deal. You’re going to give us half of all the stuff you have in here right now and whatever you go out and find, make, or gather…half of it goes to us. Maybe then, we won’t kill one of you. Well…we’ll still probably have to kill one of you. It’s just tradition at this point, but then we can move along with business. It’s that simple. You provide for Negan now. If you think about it, we’re like debt collectors. No one likes ‘em, but they’re necessary. Best to not cross us.”

       Simon finally turned to look around and his eyes landed on her. Beth’s hold automatically tightened on Judith as she went into protective mode. Her only thought was to make sure she got out of this alive. He sidestepped towards her, completely ignoring Deanna and Sasha’s attempt to divert his attention. She felt all the eyes of his men turn towards her and she did her best to school her features into complacency.

       “That your kid?” Simon asked, his eyebrows raised.

       She did her best not to react. What answer would keep her safe? If she said no, would they take her? If she said yes, would they take her to prove a point? There really wasn’t a right answer. Beth had to just choose and pray it was the one that kept Judith in her arms.

       “Yes,” Beth answered, clutching Judith to her chest. Her response was curt and to the point, no room for arguing or further prodding.

       “Hm…and where’s the lucky bastard who knocked you up?” Simon looked around dramatically, which made her tease up, hoping he wouldn’t notice the lack of other people around. At this point all the Saviors had exited their vehicles and were stood within the walls of Alexandria. It seemed they were waiting for Simon’s signal.

       Beth made herself look him in the eyes as she responded, “He isn’t. He died.”

       Simon tsked, feigning pity, “What a shame. What was his name?”

       “Zach,” Beth ground out, letting the lie roll off her tongue.

       “And was that Zack with a ‘ck’ or Zach with a ‘ch’? Makes a big difference and I’m trying to paint a picture here. Never liked Zacks with a ‘ck’.”

       Judith whined into her shoulder, probably sensing her tension and stress, “I don’t know.”

       Simon made a dramatic show of looking around to all his men, “You don’t know? So, you spread your legs for him, but don’t know how he spelled his name.” There were a few chuckles throughout the group, but all Beth cared about was Judith. They could laugh and pick at her all they wanted.

       She bristled, but she kept her face and body neutral and shrugged, “Seemed like a good idea at the time.”

       Some of the Saviors laughed, but they quickly cut off when they realized Simon wasn’t laughing. He was watching her with sharp eyes and an unnerving grin on his face, but he seemed irritated by the fact she wasn’t affected by his pathetic joke. He wanted to put her down and make her feel small, but Beth wouldn’t allow him that right.

       He suddenly put his hands out, “Well, hand her over.”

       Beth forced herself not to look over in the direction she knew Rick was hiding. She realized this man was smarter than he looked, so she refrained. He was testing her, trying to scare her and get the upper hand. He wanted to see how far he could push and if she’d follow his orders. The muscles in her neck tensed. If she looked anywhere, but at him he’d put two and two together and figure something out. So, Beth was on her own, but she’d be damned if she broke her promise to Rick. Judith wouldn’t leave her arms.

       Something in her gut told her not to push this guy, but what was she supposed to do. She couldn’t give Judith to him, but she also couldn’t refuse. He wanted power, so she’d give it to him. She’d play the timid little lamb he thought she should be. So, she took a risk. A little bit of defiance had already made its way out of her, but she wondered if she could still play the frightened girl she was on the farm. Not just play her, but make it believable. Make her streak of defiance seem like a façade.

       So, Beth melted. She widened her eyes and forced herself to look up at Simon. She made herself look smaller by curving her shoulders inward around Judith. She even forced her lower lip to tremble almost imperceptibly. “Please, don’t. She doesn’t like bein' away from me.”

       The words almost burned leaving her mouth, but she forced herself to lower her gaze and side step towards Sasha. She was surprised to notice they hadn’t taken Sasha’s gun yet, but that just confirmed to Beth how cocky they were. They thought they didn’t have to disarm her because there was no way she’d be able to put a dent in them anyway. Regardless, the Saviors weren’t here to kill them. If they were, they would’ve started shooting already. This was the welcome wagon. They were only here to kill one of them to send a message. And it seemed like the three of them weren’t what they were looking for.

       Then, Deanna doubled down, following her lead, “If you’re here to collect, our storeroom and armory are this way.”

       Simon didn’t take his eyes off of Beth even when Deanna spoke. She felt his assessing gaze on her, like he was trying to decide if he should push it or let it drop. The tension in the air was palpable as a heavy silence ping ponged between them. Finally, after what felt like an eternity he said, “Lead the way, boss lady.”

       Beth heard the shuffling of feet as the Saviors closed in around them. Their guns hung loosely by their sides as Deanna led them further into Alexandria. Beth spotted movement out of the corner of her eye and knew it was time. For a group that had grown and lasted so long, they weren’t very observant, because it wasn’t until they turned down the street away from the gate that Simon halted and questioned, “Where’re the rest of you?”

       The minute those words left his mouth, Beth ducked, using her body to cover Judith.

       Gunfire erupted across Alexandria from all sides. The first screams started to break out when a hand clasped around her arm and yanked her up from the ground. She saw Daryl for a split second before he shoved her behind him, making himself a barrier between her and the Saviors. Judith was wailing and she tried her best to cover her ears to mute the noise. Without looking back, Beth sprinted deeper into Alexandria and took cover around the side of the wall. She needed to get Judith to safety before she joined the fight. It would always be her first priority. Gunfire still popped off behind her, an occasional scream intermittently mixed in. All she could hope was they were from the Savior’s and not her family.

       As she ran to the manhole, she pulled her revolver out, not wanting to be taken by surprise without her weapon out. When she ran up to it, she glanced around her quickly and spotted nothing. With both her hands full, she quickly sat down next to the manhole and used her legs to shove the top aside. The sunlight streamed into the darkness below and when she stuck her head over the side, so saw a gun barrel pointed at her, but it disappeared just as fast. Dwight’s face appeared below her, his whole-body tense.

       “Carl?” she asked, hurriedly.

       Dwight looked off to the right for a split second and then stepped back. Carl appeared in the small shaft of sunlight below. Right when he clocked Judith, he knew what he had to do. As quickly as he could, Carl climbed up the ladder, the rungs creaking underneath him. When he was high enough, Beth lowered Judith down to him. Once she knew she was secure in his arms, she let go. So many of her family were down here. Dwight, Sherry, Tina, Carl, Mika, Sam, Enid. These were the people she was fighting for.

       The second Carl’s feet hit the ground. She closed the manhole. The whole exchange couldn’t have been more than a minute, but when she looked up, she saw a Savior staring right at her. He wasn’t a large man, but he looked strong. What struck Beth was how young he looked. He had to have been around her age, maybe a little older. He had blood all over his face and shirt and she hoped it was some other Savior’s blood. A crazy look took over his eyes, but instead of charging her like she expected, he took one look at the manhole and ran.

       It took a second for her to process what the hell just happened. And then it hit her like a freight train.

       He knew. He knew about the sewers underneath Alexandria.

       It was their best kept secret and one of their greatest advantages. He couldn’t leave their community alive. Beth stood and sprinted after him as he disappeared deeper into Alexandria. He was fast, but she knew her home like the back of her hand. This was their turf. He weaved between houses, but every turn he made, he hesitated, giving up precious milliseconds for her to close the gap. She had one shot at this and she couldn’t miss.

       He disappeared around the corner of an alleyway, nearing the back wall of Alexandria. The alleyway was shaded from the sun, so when Beth broke through, her eyes had to take a second to adjust to the direct sunlight. When the flare passed, she scanned the area to see where he went. She halted when she saw him climbing the wall. And he was already pulling himself up to the third and final rung.

       Her brain shut off. And all she could think was: He knows. He knows.

       Beth hadn’t even realized her gun was aimed at him until she heard the gunshot reverberate through her ears. She watched as the blood burst from his back. The droplets raining down on the grass below. It wasn’t long after they stained the grass red that his body followed. The thud made her flinch. It hadn’t been loud, but she could physically see the blow go through his already injured body. She knew what it felt like to have the air ripped from her lungs. There was nothing like that panic. Helpless, with no way to breath. Her numbness receded momentarily as she heard the wheezing sound coming from him. His chest stuttered as he tried to inhale air into his starved lungs.

       She approached him. Her movements felt robotic and forced as she came up and stood over him. He was looking at her in fear. No one had ever looked at her like that. Like they were petrified of her. But this man was terrified. She held his life in her hands, but the thing was he held her family’s life in his hands. And their blood was more important to her than anyone’s, including her own. A sick feeling rolled in her stomach.

       This was the price of surviving. The cost of loving other people in this world.

       Beth raised her gun again, letting the numbness wash over her. A single plea left his lips before she pulled the trigger. His body went limp. The bullet hole in his head stared back at her, a third eye judging her for all her sins. Underneath all the numbness, she felt the disgust at her actions banging at the door to be let in. Something shifted inside of her. When was too far gone?

       There was no coming back from this.

       Her hands shook at the realization. Her choice was made and now she had to live with it. What other choice did she have? Was she supposed to let him go? Let him tell the other Saviors back at the Sanctuary. What was she supposed to have done?

       She’d ruin herself before risking her family. That’s what it came down to. Both options were bad. She just chose the lesser of two evils.

       Her hands still shook as she turned around and left, finding her way back to the front of Alexandria. She weaved through the houses, taking a shortcut to get there faster. As she got closer, it was getting harder and harder to suck in a deep breath. What was she running back to?  It wasn’t until she broke out onto the main street when she truly saw the carnage. And it wasn’t over.

       Beth crouched low to the ground, analyzing her surroundings. She had a clear view of the main gate, but the entrance was clear. From here, she could tell the Savior’s tires had been slashed to keep them from escaping, but that wasn’t the problem. The problem was currently holed up near the house to the left of the main entrance. Occasional pops of gunfire ricocheted off the walls of Alexandria. Her eyes caught glimpses of her people taking cover near the front porch of the house.

       She scanned the area around her making sure it was clear, before rounding the lake towards the house. She kept low to the ground and changed her path sporadically in case she was in someone’s target sights. The whoosh of an arrow caught her attention. When she looked towards the sound, she saw Daryl, his crossbow up at his eyeline. She followed its trajectory and saw a man half slumped outside a second story window. His arrow was embedded in his throat. Beth could hear the violent gurgling sound the man was making now that she was taking cover on the side of the house.

       From what she could tell, only Abraham, Daryl, and Sasha were here taking care of them. And they had all been spotted by the Savior’s inside. They were too concerned about them to worry about the back of the house. She didn’t want to be seen or heard, but she had to get someone’s attention. As naïve as she might be sometimes, she’d grown smarter in the last couple of months. She wouldn’t go at this alone.

       Beth pulled one of her knives from her hip and carefully angled it until it caught the sun. When Abraham poked his head out and started laying down cover fire, she titled the knife just right and a glare shone towards Daryl. Her hands were still shaking from the adrenaline, but she was able to angle it towards his face. Just like she knew he would, he snapped his head towards her, following the direction of the glare.

       His eyes connected with hers. For a split second he looked relieved and then it was gone, remembering the predicament they were in. She couldn’t waste anymore time, so she nodded her head towards the back of the house, silently communicating with him.

       Daryl immediately shook his head at her. Another round of shots fired at them from above and she used that split second distraction to slip around the corner and towards the back door. Daryl knew the drill. They had done this so many times before out on the road. One of them would go through the back. The other through the front and they’d clear the first floor and meet in the middle, before going upstairs and clearing the second floor together.

       He knew the drill. Wait thirty seconds for her to get to the backdoor and then go in. That’s how they always did it. He’d be there. She’d probably hear about it later, but he’d get over it. This had to get done.

       Beth quietly creeped up the stairs to the back door, making sure to stay out of sight of any windows. With her revolver in one hand and her knife in the other, she opened the door one inch at a time. She was vaguely aware of the yelling and gunfire in the distance, but she had a job to do now. Worrying about what was happening elsewhere would only get her killed. They had to get this done before they could help anyone else.

       The layout of the house was similar to hers, but everything was backwards. It still gave her the upper hand regardless. The layout of their house was something she memorized the first moment she stepped into it. She knew every exit, window, closet, and room. This was their home.

       Beth crept through the hallway as quietly as possible. Muffled voices from upstairs caught her attention, but she needed to clear the downstairs first. She’d worry about the upstairs later. When she came finally made her way to the front of the house, having cleared the back she saw one Savior ducked underneath a living room window. The window was shattered and he held his gun close to his chest. Before she could decide what to do, he shot up and fired through the window, presumably at Abraham, Sasha, and Daryl. Her indecisiveness wore off pretty quickly after that.

       He was a threat that needed to be eliminated. This was their home and they were invaders.

       The Savior wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings, too engrossed with keeping the others away from the house and by extension his friends upstairs. Beth sunk deep into a place she was now too familiar with. The place where the woman in the convenience store resided and now, a Savior with a bullet hole in his head and back. She sunk and that’s where she stayed, forcing any and all emotions into a locked box. Her boots were silent on the rug of the living room as she snuck up on him. She was the hunter now.

       In one swift motion, she pulled the Savior’s head back and drew her blade across his neck. Her knife became an extension of her arm as she dug it in deep, severing his carotid artery. Beth had tried so hard to use her hands and mind for healing. The knowledge she accrued while her daddy was alive not only made her a better healer, but also a better killer. It was ironic. Maybe this was what she was made to be. Not a healer, but a killer. A hunter. She remembered every face. They haunted her nightmares. When was too far gone?

       The Savior’s hands flew up to his throat as she reached for his gun before it hit the ground. A soft thud sounded through the house when his body hit the floor. She froze listening upstairs for any signs they’d heard. The muffled shouting continued, uninterrupted. Her hands were stained crimson, warm with the blood of the man she just killed. They shook as she plunged her knife into his skull, ending it before it could begin again. When was too far gone?

       Beth couldn’t bring herself to look at what she’d done, so she kept moving. Because if she kept moving, the unbearable weight of what she had done couldn’t catch her. All she had to do was open the front door and let them in. She just had to keep going for a little bit longer. Beth placed one foot in front of the other until she reached the front door. She knew the minute she opened the door; they’d have to finish this fast. Once they realized they were in the house, the Saviors would have the advantage with higher ground and a chokepoint.

       She took a deep breath and turned the knob. When she opened it, the hinges squeaked. It was loud enough to get the attention of Daryl, Sasha, and Abraham, but she wasn’t sure if the Saviors had also heard it.

       Abraham laid down some cover fire as the others rushed into the house. There was no time to talk or ask questions. They had to finish this. Daryl looked over her once, before making his way towards the stairs. He went first, then Abraham, then Sasha. Beth followed up the rear, watching their backs. She wiped the blood from her hands and onto her jeans, trying to get a better grip on her gun.

       By the time she made it to the top of the stairs, Daryl and Abraham were already at the threshold of the room containing the Saviors. The door was shut, blocking any line of sight into the room. There could have been two Saviors or five. They wouldn’t know until they opened the door. And they were running out of time. Voices behind the door were getting more agitated and Beth knew it was going to be a fight. Surprise attack or not.

       Daryl glanced at Abraham and nodded his head towards the door. He stepped to the side and she followed suit. Sasha stood on the opposite side of Abraham as he drew up to his full height, assessing for the weak spots in the door. Beth watched as Abraham’s boot flew through the flimsy door and nearly knocked it off its hinges. Sasha was the first to get a shot off. The head of the Savior she killed knocked back. His brain matter splattered his friend behind him, who was almost immediately taken out by one of Daryl’s bolts.

       Before Beth could even get a clear view of the room, Abraham downed the last Savior, who was crouched around the corner near the window. As the last one hit the ground, she took in a deep breath and held it, trying anything to calm her erratic heartbeat. She knew the adrenaline was getting to her, but it was the rolling nausea too.

       The distant sounds of gunfire had ceased and she wondered if it was over. Her body felt heavy and sluggish like she was wading through molasses. The blood of the people she killed felt like it was sinking into her hands, like her body was absorbing it to get rid of the evidence of her callousness. No matter how many times she tried to wipe it off on her jeans, it stayed. Staining the outside as a reminder of what she was on the inside: a killer.

       She needed air. She needed to breath. When was too far gone?

       Beth rushed towards the stairs, trying to make a beeline for the front door, but she was yanked off kilter. A rough hand darted out of the half bathroom and grabbed her out of nowhere, pulling her against a solid mass. Her brain caught up too late when the cold metal tip of a gun was shoved into her temple. She saw Daryl and the others jerk into action, but it was too late. She’d been caught. Stupid. Foolish girl.

       Hot breath lashed against her neck as the Savior spoke, "Wouldn't move if I were you or I'm gonna decorate this wall with the insides of her pretty head."

       Daryl looked calm, but his eyes were nearly black and she saw her avenging angel again. The man who cut another open from navel to sternum because he thought she was dead. Whatever this man’s death was going to be, it would be painful. Daryl wouldn't let it be anything but. His voice was low, laced with a deadly warning, "I'm gonna gut you."

       It was a promise.

       Abraham tried to shift to get a better angle on the guy, but the minute he moved a muscle the Savior jerked her harder against him. He held her up until she was practically balancing on her toes. He laughed low and throaty, “Not before I get to her.”

       Something in her stomach rolled. This was a man that had nothing to lose. He wouldn’t be tactical or logical. He would be rash and impulsive. They had just killed his friends. He was under no assumption that he’d make it out of her alive. His whole goal would be to impart has much hurt as possible before he was taken out. She needed to make a more before this escalated.

       Her eyes scanned over her family when she saw a small motion from Abraham. She zeroed in on it immediately. Abraham was a soldier. He never moved without a purpose. His gun was raised up to his shoulder, but two of his fingers tapped his wrist lightly. And she knew what she had to do. He taught her this exact move. It would be risky, but when were things not. If she failed, she’d have a bullet hole in her head before she could even follow through.

       Beth was getting ready to make her move when the Savior's hand snaked up and around her neck, locking into place.

       An onslaught of pain hit her as agonizing memories seared into her mind. They ransacked her entire body. And her vision went black. Her stomach dropping as her chest constricted. Not again. With one action, she became useless. Her body shut down and so did her mind. One second she was looking at Daryl, and now she was struggling to see at all. 

       Then, she was no longer in her body. She watched from outside herself as the Savior's hand moved from her neck down her body, his grimy hand roving lower and lower. He was clearing taunting Daryl, having recognized she was his. His hot breath blasted over her neck. The cold metal tip of his gun dug into her temple. She watched from afar as this vile excuse of a human forced himself against her backside like there weren't two angry guns and a crossbow trained on him. Waiting for the exact moment he slipped up and made a mistake. He started yanking her backwards towards the stairs, using her as a human shield. His words travelled to her ears, delayed by how slow she was processing them.

       You're gonna wish I killed you. Gonna make you beg for it before I'm finished with you.

       Beth felt a tug. Wake up. Come back. Something wet travelled up the length of her neck and she realized it was his tongue. Wake up. She raged against herself.

       Should find that bitch daughter of yours too. Can't leave her all alone in this world once I'm finished using up her whore of a mother.

       Beth snapped back into her body. The fear of this man somehow being around Judith felt like being dunked into an ice-cold bucket of water. All of Abraham and Rosita’s training barreled into her. His taunting boiled her blood until it overflowed and all she saw was red. It was only red. 

       As he picked up his foot to start backing down the stairs, Beth simultaneously shoved his hand holding the gun up and threw all her body weight back into him. The force of it made her and the Savior lose their footing as she reached for the ground. The gun went off with a bang, deafening her in her right ear. The whoosh of Daryl' crossbow sounded and a wet thud followed. Beth turned around to see Daryl's bolt sticking out of the chest of the Savior.

       Time moved at an alarmingly slow pace as he lost the grip on his gun and tumbled backward down the stairs. He hit the first landing, wheezing and mouth gaping like a fish. Beth still saw red. The job wasn't done. He wasn't dead. He could still hurt Judith. 

       Daryl ran to her, but all she saw was him. He wasn't dead. Without another thought, Beth grabbed her fallen knife and stalked down the stairs towards him. All she saw was red. She had to finish it. And she did.

       Beth plunged her knife into his chest. His eyes widened at the intrusion. Shock and fear warping his features. And she drank it in, plunging her knife in again. And again. The squelching filled her ears and rattled around in her head. She watched as the light left his eyes and the tension in his body unraveled. When his eyes finally closed, she drove her knife into his skull. Ending it once and for all.

       Judith was safe. She was safe. Beth slumped down against the wall. The weight of holding herself up becoming too much. Everything was silent now. No one moved, taking in the scene below them. It was all too heavy. Her head hung between her knees, trying to get a full breath into her body, but all she could smell was blood. But at least it was quiet now.

       Sasha’s voice was the first to break the tension, “I’m going to see if it’s over.”

       No more words had to be spoken between the four of them. Sasha went to confirm the battle was over. For the first time, Abraham didn't speak. It made her realize the gravity of what she’d just become. She vaguely heard him haphazardly collect all the Savior’s guns before coming downstairs. As he passed by her and the body, all he said was, “You did good.”

       Nothing ever sounded more untrue. How could this be good? When was too far gone?

       And Daryl. Daryl. Her Daryl. He sat down next to her, not touching her. She didn't know how he read her so well, but he somehow knew she didn't want to be touched right now. When Beth looked at him, he was watching her intently. No appalling looks or any hint of disappointment on his face. Just pure understanding. Her head knocked back into the wall as the weight of holding up her own head became intolerable.

       She killed three people today. Three. How far had she fallen?

       The image of her bullet ripping through the back of the Savior climbing the wall played in her mind. Of all the people she killed today, that was the one that would permeate her every waking moment. She shot him in the back as he was running away. The weight of that confession on her tongue eventually spilled out.

       “I killed him,” Beth whispered, “I killed him. I…He was runnin’ away.” She said it more to herself than Daryl, like she needed to speak it into existence even if it was just to confirm she was still alive. Her confession hung between them carried by her weak voice. She stared off into the empty corner of the stairway, the confession constricting her airway.

       Daryl didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. She knew him.

       The front door shot open, startling her out of her stupor. Her gun was raised before she could process who had burst through. Rick, Jesus, Tara, and Gabriel stood there with their guns raised. Daryl had sprung to his feet, crossbow at the ready. All their weapons were lowered as quickly as they had been raised. Everyone looked between the body slumped in the living room and the mutilated corpse next to her.

       But what caught her attention was the man Rick hauled into the foyer and threw onto the ground. He was beaten pretty severely and from what she could tell by looking at Rick, he’d landed a few punches too. She stared at Simon; bloody face swollen. He was tied up and clearly unable to move anyway. The sight alone sucked the remaining energy out of her body.

       A grim expression overtook Jesus’s face as he took in his surroundings, “If this is the next world…”

       He didn’t have to finish for Beth to understand. If this was the next world, there’d be nothing left. Ghosts would be the only thing left to inherit the Earth.

Notes:

Rough, rough, rough chapter. But really, how could it be anything but rough when it comes to the Saviors. This is only the beginning.

So, unfortunately for us, Simon's group is the one that shows up to Alexandria. Just as Dwight said, Negan wouldn't show up to a community that hadn't 'disobeyed' or made themselves known yet. But I also think Negan would send his right hand man, Simon, to handle bigger communities (i.e. Oceanside, Hilltop later, Jadis's group). We get a good amount of Simon in the show, but I still had to fill in some aspects of his character for this story. I think there's some aspects of deep rooted misogyny along with some very sinister intentions and morals. I fully believe Simon had skewed morals even before the world fell, but now he's thriving in a world without rules. Simon is way worse than Negan and I stand by that! At least Negan had some form of a moral compass (yes, it was messed up, but it was still something).

Beth goes through a lot in this chapter. She's going to have to deal with the fact that she killed someone that she could have let go. He wasn't an immediate threat, which will haunt Beth. She's a sweet soul at heart and I don't think there will ever be a time where killing won't bother her. But some kills will bother her more than others, like the kid trying to escape.

So, the Savior in the house that caught Beth was actually David. He was the Savior that Negan killed for trying to SA Sasha when she was captured. David is a vile piece of shit and him being cornered basically put him in a headspace where he wanted to inflict as much harm as possible before he died. Beth had some serious PTSD flashbacks when he choked her and sort of had an out of body experience. It's something she still needs to work on, but she was brought back to reality by David threatening Judith. Because Beth is a mother at heart. She loves Judith like she's her own daughter. So, Beth went full vengeful mama bear mode. Understandably so. Her choice in weapon to kill David was a subconscious one. As much as Beth hates killing, she wanted to feel David's death, hence why she killed him with a knife and not a gun.

Simon has been captured! We'll see how that goes in the next chapter :) Anyways all the love to you all. Hope you enjoyed the longish chapter lol. And I can't wait to hear your thoughts.

Chapter 34: How Dark Was Dark?

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Happy Sunday. Hope you all are doing well. Here's another chapter for you.

This chapter was loosely based on a song I heard come on the radio, so if you're interested in listening to it it's called Diamonds by Luke Hemmings. I added another one of his songs to the playlist as well.

I can't wait to hear all your thoughts and comments! This chapter was an interesting comedown after the last one. Anyways, all the love <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       Loss was a circle. It went around and around relentlessly. It never went away. With time, the circle became smaller, but getting off the track was impossible. Once someone stepped foot into it, they could never leave.

       Beth stared at the freshly dug graves and the names carved into each sheet of wood: Carter, Heath, Francine, Tobin, Kent, Ron. They died fighting for their home, but what were walls and a bed worth when the cost of it was a life? What was the price they were willing to pay for freedom in a dead world? Were they just kidding themselves? Playing at community and the start of civilization. There was always something. Always dead friends and family to bury. Always more burdens to carry.

       And really all Beth felt was anger. Hatred. Even with the Saviors rotting somewhere outside the walls, she wanted revenge. It was easier to give into anger than to confront anything underneath. Like envying the people buried beneath her feet. They didn’t have to fight anymore. Didn’t have to survive. To hurt. To lose. They were just gone.

       How dark was dark?

       And Beth wondered how easy it would be to just be gone.

 

~

 

       The afternoon was quiet, like it knew what they'd done. So, the world went still forcing her to live with the thoughts that swirled around in her head. Forcing her to remember the things she'd done. She took up a watch shift as an orchestrated distraction, but it was only forcing her deeper. She tried to focus on the things around her, but even the walkers didn't want to get too close. Stragglers ambled up to the walls, but Alexandria was so quiet they eventually meandered away. 

       Daryl had disappeared down into a basement with Simon. She hadn’t seen him since the morning. A constant ball of dread was lodged in her gut at what he had to do. They hadn’t gotten a chance to talk. To do anything, but silently check over each other before splitting off. He hadn’t said anything to her about what she’d done. Or what she’d confessed to. So, it all remained hanging like a chain around her neck.

       Aidan stood next to her, gun in hand, looking out towards the new expansion they'd just started. It would have to go on hold now. Beth kept her line of sight towards the road and trees on the right. She prayed the Saviors wouldn't strike back tonight. She knew they would come, but no one knew how long they'd wait before someone would come looking for Simon and his group.

       Aidan huffed out a breath, head turning to the sky, "We won."

       It was said almost as a reminder to himself, but something about him calling a massacre 'winning' made her bristle, "At what cost?" There were six fresh graves that begged to differ. People that Aidan knew a lot longer than she had and he still called this winning.

       He turned towards her, lowering his gun so it pointed towards the ground, "There wasn't another way." 

       Her head involuntarily twitched. His words caused an onslaught of images to spear through her mind. A boy with a bullet hole in his back. Blood leaking from a third eye. A bloody smile carved into the neck of a man. Was there another way? Or was this always how it was going to go? Always how it was supposed to be. Just another life to take and another person to lose.

       "Life for a life. That all any of this is anymore?" Her words sounded harsh. Cold. She wondered when she became this person. Cynical and pessimistic. She wondered what the exact moment was. They'd been through so much she wasn't sure she could even pinpoint it anymore.

       "Hey, we're fighting to keep our home standing. You already giving up on us, Dixon?" His twinge of irritation at being questioned pushed her over the edge.

       Aidan knew exactly what he was doing by calling her by her new last name. It pricked her ears, but her ramping anger was still there. Charging through her like a battering ram, "Think I was givin' up when I shot a kid in the back ta keep 'im from escapin'? When I slit someone's throat as they shot at my family? Or when I killed the man that threatened Judith? Was I givin' up? Don't question me like I haven't done everythin' to keep this place."

       Beth loosened her grip on her gun, realizing she was holding it so tight her hands were starting to ache. She scanned the road in front of Alexandria, trying to calm her breathing in the process. As much as she'd come to like Aidan, he still pissed her off. And all she wanted right now was to sleep and let oblivion take her away from this day. She knew sleep would never claim her, but she still wanted to try. Even the thought of the possibility of sleep was enough. Anything so she could stop seeing that boy's eyes filled with fear.

       "I'm sorry, Beth. I didn't know."

       "Ya never know. Do ya?" Beth knew she was crossing a line, becoming vindictive, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. She wasn't in the driver’s seat anymore.

       "At least I don’t bury my head in the sand every time something doesn't go our way," he spit back at her.

       "You'd all be dead if it wasn't for us. Things haven't gone my way since the beginnin' and I'm still here. Think I’m dealin’ with it just fine."

       His sharp eyes pierced into her, "And he'd be dead if it wasn't for me. Guess we're even."

       Beth froze. Where everything was once red and raging, now it ice cold. It snaked through her veins, rooting her to the spot. His words dislodged the carefully placed trust she'd stored away for him and smashed it. And the worst part was: she was partly to blame. She was angry and not even at him. Beth wanted to end the Saviors for turning them all into judge, jury, and executioners. She wanted to rage at the world, but the closest thing was him. 

       Now, the one thing she felt the most insecure about was being hurled back in her face: she couldn't save Daryl. She hadn't. She'd been too late. Too unprepared. Too slow. And Aidan knew that. He knew all the grisly details and he still threw that at her. A part of her hated that she would always be indebted to him. Now, even more so. If he was going to hold this over her forever, she wasn’t sure she could be around him. She didn’t want to live with that reminder every time they got into it.

       Maybe she deserved it after everything she’d done.

       "Beth…I'm sorry. I didn't mean that," he backtracked. The remorse in his voice was clear, but the damage was already done. She saw him differently now. And, maybe, he saw her differently too. It would take a while to get that trust back.

       She swallowed the lump in her throat, "We're done talkin'."

       They sat in silence for the rest of her shift. She felt him look over at her every once in a while, but she couldn't bring herself to look at him. Once all the anger and the shock faded, all that was left was pain. She knew they would get past this eventually, but it still hurt. Beth hadn't realized how close they'd become. How much she valued him as a friend and…as a part of her family. Because that's what he was: he was family. And family fought. God only knew how much she used to fight with Maggie and Shawn. They always worked it out in the end.

       This was not how she wanted to leave things. Even if she couldn't bring herself to fully push past it right now, she could extend an olive branch. As the hours ticked by, she finally broke the silence, "You're a jackass."

       Aidan turned towards her a sad look in his eyes, but a small smirk formed at the corner of his mouth, "I know. I'm a dick."

       Beth pushed her baby hairs away from her face and neck, a light breeze sweeping them away. The tension between them lightened, but a new underlying level of distrust had formed. If she shared something else with him, would he just use it against her later? Would she provoke it just to prove herself right? One of them angry was one thing, but both was volatile. She wanted to be able to tell him things. Joke with him. It's how she was with Shawn, but maybe she'd been trying too hard to make whatever they had resemble a relationship that was long gone.

       "Never," Aidan hesitated, like he was afraid she'd shut him down, "Never told me how you guys met."

       Despite herself, a smile tugged on her lips. Thinking about how she met Daryl was like reminiscing on good times. It was such a long story and so much bad overshadowed a lot of it. More bad than good, but remembering all the good was something she still held on to. She never thought she'd meet the love of her life after the world ended. Did anyone? Beth knew Maggie wondered the same thing all the time. It was too confounding to be anything but fate. At least that’s what she told herself because how else could something so good come out of something so awful. 

       Beth looked out at the street, remembering, "Rode up on my daddy's farm. He was quiet an' intimidatin'. Scared the hell outta all'a us at first, but…He was the one that kept lookin' when Carol's little girl got lost. Never stopped, even when he took a bolt to the side and a bullet to the side'a the head. He was the one that made sure Judith didn't go hungry after she was born," Beth breathed in the summer night air, "I admired him. His strength and his loyalty. And one day he went from bein' a stranger to bein’ family. But I didn't really meet him 'til we lost our home for the second time. After I watched my daddy get his head cut off."

       Beth had to pause. Her throat closing up. She'd never told anyone that. The people that knew had been there and the people that didn’t had just heard whisperings. It was reopening a wound, not so the pain could bury her, but so it could heal properly. She pushed forward, finding relief in talking about all the good she'd gone through with Daryl, "Met him on a night like this, on a rundown porch in Georgia with moonshine runnin' through our veins. Both lost in a world that felt too big and too ugly. But we made it. Together."

       She was finally able to pull her eyes away from the road to look at Aidan. He was watching her with something akin to shock on his face. Or as close as he could get. It looked like he wanted to say something. He contemplated for a while and eventually he spoke, "It’s worse out there than any of us know.” She heard the question in his voice, but he already knew the answer. He’d seen a little bit of it with the Wolves and the Saviors, but that only scratched the surface. She knew all that she’d seen and done only scratched the surface. When she didn’t answer, he asked, “That when you knew you were in love with him? On the porch?”

       Beth wasn't a fool. She knew the only reason he was asking was to keep her talking to him. Why else would he want to hear any of this? But something nagged at her. His voice sounded slightly strained like he was in pain, but trying to hide it. He was holding onto something, but she wasn't sure what. Regardless, she indulged him, because even though it was just to get her to talk to him, she was still selfish. It was helping her forget what she had done that morning.

       "No. Took me bein’ ripped away from him, but when I realized, everythin’ became a lot simpler.”

       Aidan’s head cocked to the side, “Simpler?”

       "Beth!" A voice exclaimed from behind her. She turned and saw Glenn walking up towards the outpost.

       He didn't look to be in a hurry, which calmed her accelerating heart rate. But he had a grave look on his face, "Yeah?"

       "Rick and Deanna need you. They're at the house. I'll take the rest of your shift."

       Beth nodded, pulling her gun from around her shoulder. She guessed it had to do with her delayed trip to the Kingdom, but it obviously wasn’t just that. She started down the ladder when Aidan stopped her. He crouched in front of her. His voice was low so only she could hear, "I know I fucked up, but…don't give up on me."

       Her heart squeezed seeing his desperation, but the hollow pang of betrayal still rang in her chest. She wasn't innocent. She wasn't going to act like she had some moral high ground. What she said to him wasn't right either and she could feel the guilt starting to settle. But her pride wouldn't let her just take what he said lying down either.

       "Ain't givin' up, just takin' a break," Beth responded before descending the ladder. It was a bullshit answer, but she couldn’t deal with this right now. Everything that transpired within the last couple of hours was stacked on top of a multitude of things she was already struggling to cope with. She couldn't bear to look at him right now.

       When she hit the ground, she pushed it all away and passed her gun to Glenn, double checking she still had the handgun strapped to her belt. Glenn took the gun, his eyes shifting between her and Aidan, "What was that about?"

       Beth shook her head, "Nothin' ta be worried about."

       "He bothering you?" He asked, a hint of brotherly protectiveness coming through. Glenn still had some leftover resentment when it came to Aidan ever since that disastrous run they'd gone on when they first came to Alexandria.

       "Don't need ta go gettin' all protective on me, Glenn. I can handle myself," Beth said, trying to lighten and reroute the conversation. She didn't want to lie, but she didn't want to tell the truth either. She just wanted to erase this day from her memory.

       "I know…just checking."

       She glanced behind his shoulder in the direction of the house, before refocusing on him, "How bad is it?" 

       "It's not good," Glenn replied honestly, securing the gun across his chest, "We're out of options. Even if Daryl gets all of it, we have no way to do anything with it. We're sitting ducks out here."

       She absent-mindedly ran her hand through her hair, the stress of the day simmering underneath the surface. What were they supposed to have done? Let the Saviors kill one of them to keep the peace until they were ready to attack. Not fight back. Let them invade their home and take everything they had. What were they supposed to have done?

       Then another thought hit her, "Is he still down there?"

       She was almost afraid to hear the answer. Why things like this always fell on Daryl she didn't know. Glenn nodded, almost ashamed, “Rick went to check on him an hour ago.”

       From the palpable silence that grew between them, she knew it wasn’t good. Any of it. She knew Daryl. He was doing this for them, so they could have some advantage over the Saviors. He would tear himself apart for them. Beth nodded and began walking towards the house. The closer she got the more her anxiety rose. She needed to go get him. He’d been down there too long.

       Beth climbed the stairs to her home, already wanting the Earth to open up and swallow her whole. Maybe then she'd be able to get some sleep. A creak from the porch chair alerted her to someone moving in the shadows. The light from inside the house shifted as she drew closer, revealing Enid. Beth was surprised to see her at their house, but also not. Her and Carl were friends, but she never hung around long, like she needed to be moving constantly.

       And then she remembered, Ron was her friend too. Her heart squeezed for the girl, knowing that lose won’t soon be forgotten.

       Beth approached carefully, “Hey, Enid. Why aren’t ya inside?”

       “Needed a break,” she replied, her voice distant, “They’re all in there planning like we have any say in how this goes.” Enid looked up at her finally and Beth was disheartened to see tears already gathered in her eyes, “It’s their world. We’re just living in it.”

       Beth took a couple steps towards her, wanting to offer comfort, but knowing not to get too close, “The world doesn’t belong to anyone. We’re all just tryin’ ta survive now, but eventually we’ll get to a point where survivin’ isn’t everythin’.”

       Enid shook her head and gestured around haphazardly, “This’s how it happens. How it always happens.”

       “Yeah, it is, but we keep goin’. We keep goin’ for all the people that care ‘bout us. That’s the only way forward. To go through. We carry the weight of it cause if we give up… that’s how ya lose people even after they’re gone.” Beth thought about all the people she lost and how every single one of them still lived in her. They made her into the person she is now. As much as she would give to have them all back, she knew she wouldn’t be the same person if they were all still alive.

       Enid hastily wiped at her eyes, “Glenn said the same thing.”

       Beth smiled, “Then ya know it’s true.”

       She opened the front door and beckoned Enid inside because even though she understood she wanted to be alone, she didn’t want her stewing by herself. Beth knew all too well how being alone with only a mind that’s seen too much could affect a person. Enid reluctantly stood up and walked into the house, heading towards the kitchen and away from the agitated voices in the living room. Every part of her wanted to follow Enid away from the chaos, but she couldn’t. So, Beth took a deep breath and entered the living room. The atmosphere was strained and getting ready to snap.

       “We can't stay here. They'll come back and hit us harder. We ain't gonna survive a second wave," Dwight was standing, clearly upset. Sherry was watching her husband and she looked heartbroken.

       Everyone was gathered around the room with the exception of a few people. She recognized Tyreese, Gabriel, and Carol weren't present. If she had to guess, Gabriel was holding service for everyone they lost today. And Tyreese was probably with Jessie and Sam after what happened to Ron. He avoided being a part of the decision making, always claiming he would do what he had to, but he was content to sit out when it came to leadership. Since Mika wasn't at Carl's side, she guessed Carol was with her somewhere else.

       "So, what? We're supposed to just leave our home. Flee?" Rick questioned.

       "That's exactly what I'm sayin'. Our lives are worth more than this place. We can rebuild, but not if we're dead!" Dwight exclaimed, staring down Rick.

       Rosita spoke up, "If we leave, there's a good chance these assholes take over. Make it a new outpost. Are we really willing to risk that?"

       "There're kids here...people that have never stepped outside the walls. Even if we wanted to leave, how're we gonna convince them to?" Tara questioned, "We already had a close call with Judith."

       Beth's heart plummeted as hesitant eyes turned towards her. Thinking about how close Judith had gotten to the Saviors made her skin crawl. She didn't want to even imagine that happening again to her, Mika, or Sam. Tara gave her an apologetic look, but Beth knew she wasn't trying to call her out. And she had a good point. There were kids here. How could they make any moral decision to stay knowing that?

       "We could go. Split the community between Hilltop and Kingdom and leave behind some scouts to keep tabs. We can't force people to leave, but we can suggest it," Michonne reasoned, watching everyone's reactions, but focusing mostly on Rick.

       Deanna finally spoke when no one said anything, "Any objections? We can’t keep going around and around all night. We all need sleep, but I would like to know if anyone objects."

       A hollowness took her over as she said, "Suggestion ain't enough."

       Deanna glanced at her, "You think we need to demand people leave?"

       She shook her head, "Not just demand. Force 'em if we have to. Dwight's right we won't survive this. If we stay and Alexandria falls, there’ll be no one left to rebuild. There won't even be the memory of it. Leave the scouts, but everyone else…" She trailed off.

       "Beth, this is our home…" Maggie started.

       "No. Ya'll are my home. This is just where we live," she replied, emphasizing every word. The flaming rumble of the prison burned in her mind. Her daddy and Michonne on their knees outside the fence. She wouldn't budge on this. They needed to leave. They couldn't risk it. Having a repeat of the prison wasn't an option. Everyone was quiet. The ones who were at the prison understood more, but no one said anything until Rick threw out another argument.

       “We’re weaker when we’re not together,” Rick responded, “They may not know we know ‘bout Hilltop an’ Kingdom yet, but they will. It’ll be only a matter’a time. We’re stronger together.”

       Jesus finally spoke after silently observing, “Kingdom could take in most of Alexandria. They’re community is the most developed, but Hilltop could use a leader. I wasn’t sure about starting a war with the Saviors before I came here, but now after everything I’ve seen here, at Hilltop, at Kingdom…I know there’s no other way. People can’t go on living like this. In fear under the thumb of Negan.”

       Rick sighed, seemingly giving into the majority of the group, "We'll need scouts. Volunteer only—"

       "I'll do it," Aaron spoke up almost immediately.

       "So will I," Sasha seconded.

       Rick ran his hand over his face. It was clear that everything had started to get to him. The thing was, none of these options were good. They were stuck between a rock and a hard place, but they had to choose the lesser of two evils. Choose whatever kept most of their people alive. Rick’s hand waved out in front of him as he spoke, "We'll set up meeting points halfway between Alexandria and Hilltop and Kingdom,” his gaze turned to Aaron and Sasha specifically, “Do not engage. You watch and gather information. You stay hidden.”

       He then turned to her and Jesus, "We’ll lead the group to the Kingdom. Can't imagine their leader's gonna be happy with us showin' up at his doorstep unannounced,” he pointed towards her sister, “Maggie, you an' Glenn go to Hilltop. Take a couple’a people with ya."

       Maggie looked like she was about to protest before he spoke again, "I need you there. You can lead them. Teach them. They'll follow you."

       Rick was right. Maggie would be a great leader for Hilltop, but that didn’t mean she wanted to be separated from her. How was she supposed to live with that? But another part of her was grateful. Maybe splitting up would give them a better chance. Even though neither of them were Greene’s anymore, it still ran in their blood. They were the last Greene’s standing and they couldn’t let their family die with them.

       “Everyone else can choose whether they go to Hilltop or Kingdom. We may be taking away all other options regarding Alexandria, but if we offer a semblance of choice maybe this will go smoother," Deanna reasoned. “I suspect most will choose to go with whatever group is largest.”

       Dwight sighed, sitting down on the window sill, "This can't wait. It has to happen before the sun rises. They'll already know something's up by now.”

       "Better get movin’ then," Rick concluded the meeting.

 

 

~

 

 

 

       How dark was dark?

       How far was too far?

       She needed to see it. To know. What was the worst?

       Rick warned her, but Beth didn’t listen. She needed to see it. To calm this acidic dread in her stomach. She needed to see him.

       Beth opened the basement door. The scent of blood and something viler hit her like a wave. Her hand immediately came up to her nose and mouth. A barely audible groan emanated from deeper within the room. It was dark, but the flickering flame of candles lit up the room enough for her to see. Shadows danced along the walls, creating a heightened level of surrealism. A wet, crunching thud made her flinch, reminding her of the knife she plunged into the Savior's chest.

       Daryl stood with his back to her. She would know him anywhere. He was hunched over a cowering figure, something that barely looked human anymore. Even though she had seen the malicious intent at the edges of his eyes, seeing Simon groaning on the ground made her sick. He was no longer the man that cockily paraded into Alexandria. He was a crumbled heap of bleeding flesh and broken bones. Nothing.

       "Ya want this ta end? Show me where your outposts are," Daryl snarled, as he shoved a bloody map into his lap.

       Beth shivered. The deepest, darkest part of her husband was an endless well. He'd become the executioner if he had to and she was witnessing it for the first time. Daryl still hadn't noticed she was there, but she needed to know. Needed to see the worst of it. Maybe because a part of her knew he'd seen the worst in her when she prolonged someone's death with her knife. She needed to feel the life leave him. She had to be sure. And Daryl had seen it all. Every gruesome detail of her rage and fear and grief. Of the numbness that overtook her so she could be who she had to be.

       Simon seemingly gestured to four different places on the map. He shakily pointed using his middle finger because his pointer finger was gone. Her stomach recoiled at the sight.

       "Imma ask your friend in the other room. If your answers don't match, I ain't just gonna take another finger." Daryl snatched the map from his lap and stood up.

       He turned to walk out the door and halted when he saw her. A look of regret passed his face before it was completely wiped away. He strode towards her and practically herded her out the door and slammed it behind him. Beth didn't realize she'd gotten used to the stifling smell until she was breathing fresh air into her lungs. Daryl dragged her up into the street and away from the basement when he finally spoke, "What the fuck're ya doin', Beth?"

       "Was comin' ta check on you. You've been in there for hours," she said, keeping her voice calm.

       Daryl forced out a breath, closing his eyes for a second before continuing, "Shouldn't of had to see that." She saw the change in Daryl, like it was bleeding from his body. The spine-chilling energy he exuded as an interrogator dissipated. He let go of her arm like it physically burned him, "M'sorry."

       A bloody handprint was left on her arm. It stood out starkly against her pale skin. Beth looked up at him and her heart squeezed at what she saw. Daryl looked broken. And she realized too late how much this was draining him. She should've known this would take a toll on him. He'd do it because, in the long run, it would keep his family safe. But he was also good at it. And maybe that's the thing that really bothered him.

       "Come home," Beth whispered, hoping to pull him back. She didn't just want him to come home. She wanted him to come home with her. He'd been down there too long. Living in the darkness.

       He was chewing on the inside of his cheek, eyes darting across her face, "Ain't done yet…"

       By his tone of voice, Beth knew she had him. He made good progress. He wasn't going to be able to get any more out of Simon anyway. And he knew it. There wasn’t another Savior to check Simon’s locations with. They were all dead. This was the best it was going to get. "Take the map to Rick. You've done enough."

       Her words washed over him and he nodded, "Alright."

       How dark was dark? Now, she'd seen the worst. They'd both seen the darkest. And she wasn't afraid.

       "You don't scare me, Daryl Dixon."

       She saw the moment her words hit him. He shifted around on his feet and had a hard time looking at her straight. That's how she knew she'd struck the truth. When he finally lifted his head to look at her, he looked exhausted. The bags under his eyes had become more noticeable and he just looked tired of standing upright. But behind all of that she saw pure reverence and recognition.

       He saw her and never recoiled. She saw him and never balked. 

       His hand reached out for her, but it dropped before he could fully get to her, his eyes locked on the dried blood coating his hands. Beth didn't care. He could be covered in walker guts or human guts and she wouldn't care. She stepped into his space, telling him without words that it was all right. His eyes darted over her face, but all of his reservations faded.

       Both of his warm hands cupped her face lightly as he leaned into her. His head ducked down into hers as her hands came to rest on top of his, soaking him in like her life depended on it. And, maybe, it did. 

       Here they were. Both covered in blood that wasn't their own, basking in the comfort of seeing each other through the worst. And it hadn't broken them.

       “We’re leavin’. All’a us,” Beth whispered into the narrow space between them.

       He pulled away slightly, but she stepped forward following him, “When?”

       “Before mornin’ comes. Goin’ to the Kingdom. Together.”

       He said nothing, but he did pull away again. This time she let him. His eyes zeroed in on the bloody handprint he left on her arm. His gaze and touch made her forget, even just for a second, all the blood she’d spilled today.

       She was too busy staring at him to notice his hand disappearing into his pocket, until he held it out in front of him. Beth looked down into his hand to see a ring glistening among the crimson.

       And just like the moment she realized she was in love with him, death and chaos surrounded them. But he was saying he loved her even when she no longer had her hope to guide her. Even when she had to feel someone’s life leave their body. Even when she was lost. He still loved her.

       She picked up the ring from his hand and slid it onto her finger. It fit like it never needed to come off again. It was beautiful and imperfect, but everything she needed. Her lips found his, hoping to somehow convey how much his acceptance meant to her. How much seeing her and not flinching mattered.

       How dark was dark? The thing was there could always be worse. She knew there was worse to come. The little voice in her head told her as much: Monster.

Notes:

The beginning of this chapter is very depressing, but I think those feelings are really valid. Everything is always coming at them nonstop, so wondering what it would be like for that all to just stop is heartbreaking, but realistic.

This was one of the more interesting chapters I've written for this story purely because of the conversation between Beth and Aidan. As a writer, their relationship is so interesting to me and I really love how their conversation went. I think Beth has a people pleasing aspect to her character, but she also has a lot of fire. So, it was fun to sort of play with those dynamics in that conversation. As for Aidan, he's struggling too, but he still reacts poorly to being called out or questioned. Which was why everything escalated.

So, Alexandria is making the choice to leave. The opposite of what they did at the prison. Because although them staying at the prison when the Governor attacked worked, they were dealing with a smaller number of people who had basically no training. This is different. Once the Saviors realize Simon's group didn't come back, they're going to hit them with everything they got especially since Simon's group was one of their strongest. The only option really is to leave and regroup with the outpost information Daryl gathered.

Finally the last scene between Beth and Daryl was an addition to the chapter. She was always going to go get him, but the ring was a last minute add. It seemed really fitting given the moment Beth realized she was in love with Daryl was when he was smashing a Termites head in. So, this seemed very full circle. But just because Daryl accepts her brutality and loves her regardless (cause of course, why wouldn't he?), doesn't mean Beth accepts that part of herself. It may smooth things over, but that guilt and self loathing don't just disappear.

Anyways, I'd love to hear all your thoughts! All the love guys! See you in the comments <3

Chapter 35: Something Worse Than Dead

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Happy Sunday. I hope you all are doing well.

Thank you all for the amazing support and love you've given this story. It truly means the world. All the love to you all <3

Come chat with me in the comments and tell me all your predictions :)

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       “What do ya wanna do with him?”

       Daryl was leaning up against the threshold to the living room. His arms were crossed over his chest as he looked at Rick waiting for his answer. Beth got the impression that Daryl couldn’t care less what happened to Simon. It made her think Simon must have told him something far more worrying than anything he divulged to her because there was a simmering anger in the way Daryl held himself. He was verging on snapping, but he stood completely still. Assessing every little detail like his life depended on it.

       Beth wondered if he was always like that. She often wondered what he was like as a kid and then she remembered all the scars on his back and all that curiosity simmered away. She knew enough to know that if his daddy was still alive, she’d kill him without hesitation. How could someone do something like that to a child? It made her sick. So, no. She didn’t wonder what he was like as a child anymore. Because all she could imagine was a little boy with haunted blue eyes that had already endured too much.

       It was no wonder it took his so long to finally accept that she loved him. A part of him thought he was no better than his father. It made her ache to think that’s what he thought about himself for so long. She’d seen the worst. His violence. His outbursts. His anger. None of it scared her. Beth stared at the ring on her finger, pride filling her. She was proud to be a Dixon.

       Deanna’s voice brought Beth back to reality, “He can’t be left alive.” There was a cold look on her face. Glenn and Maggie didn’t respond, but their silence spoke volumes.

       Daryl nodded and stood up to his full height, the command heard loud and clear. An eagerness to get it over with buzzed in the air.

       “Wait,” Rick held his hand out to stop Daryl from leaving out the door, “I’ll do it.”

       Her husband looked at his brother with a pointed stare, but he backed down, “Alright. Long as he’s dead.”

       Beth watched Rick’s expression change. It was a small change, but it felt like a dark cloud descended over them all. She’d seen that look after the Governor first attacked them. When the Claimers came for them. When Terminus was burning around them. His chin dropped slightly and his eyebrows lowered, making it look like his eyes physically darkened. A shiver went down Beth’s spine.

       Rick stalked out of the room, but before he fully made it out, he said, “He’ll be somethin’ worse.”

       The front door slammed shut and although Beth understood, she was still confused, “Did I miss somethin’?”

       Daryl’s head dropped; eyes downturned towards the ground. His reaction made her twist the ring on her finger, so she didn’t reach out to him. He looked so tired. All she wanted to do was curl up next to him and sleep for days. But they couldn’t. Sleep was a long way off.

       She looked towards Deanna and she had a similar grim expression on her face. Beth was about to ask again when Deanna finally spoke up, “He’s a sick man. And the Saviors…they aren’t any better. We underestimated the lengths they’ll go.”

       Her gut twisted. Maggie and Glenn looked just as confused, so she reiterated, “They take over communities. Kill people to scare everyone into submission. We knew they were bad…” She trailed off, watching Deanna’s face, “Dwight told us what they were.”

       “He knew sum, but not everythin’,” Daryl finally spoke, “It’s worse. Son of a bitch deserves worse than what he got.”

       Beth stopped twisting the ring around her finger, a sense of urgency taking over all her senses. She slung her packed bag at her feet over her shoulder, putting the bow on afterwards, “All the more reason to get outta here. Sooner rather than later.”

       Her declaration seemed to unfreeze everyone and they started gathering their things to leave. They were all already packed. The last thing they had to do was deal with Simon and it seemed he wouldn’t be long for this world. Daryl picked up Judith from the play pin and settled her into his arms, while Beth went to the stairs and called up, “Carl! Mika! Time to go.”

       She heard the shuffling of feet and just as they appeared at the top of the stairs, the front door opened behind her. Carol and Tyreese walked through with their bags ready to go. Followed by Gabriel, Eugene, Rosita, and Abraham. Beth had no doubt Tyreese had just come from Jessie’s house. She’d just lost a son and she wasn’t handling it well. How could she? It was just another reason to add to a long list of why the Saviors needed to be taken out. They killed children. Ron was a kid. He was Carl’s age and they killed him. No one knows why he was outside the sewers during the fight, but it didn’t matter. They would never know. He was gone.

       Jessie and Sam would go with Maggie and Glenn to Hilltop. Most of the people leaving with Maggie and Glenn were people that couldn't make the trip to Kingdom on foot. There weren't enough cars to take everyone, so they were strictly reserved for people that couldn't move quick enough or people that weren't fighters. Maggie, Glenn, Tara, and Deanna would go to Hilltop. Their main purpose was to train and prepare them for the Saviors. Denise, Jessie, Sam, Tina, Sherry, and Dwight along with some others would follow to help out. Jessie had become a fighter, but after losing Ron she wouldn't drag Sam through unnecessary risk trying to get to the Kingdom.

       Surprisingly, Tyreese decided to come with them even though there was something developing between him and Jessie. Then it became clear. He wouldn’t leave Mika. And she wasn’t going to leave Carl or Carol. No matter how harsh Carol was regarding her going to Hilltop, Mika insisted. Even going as far as threatening to run away from Hilltop the first chance she got.

       If Beth was being honest, she wasn’t worried about Mika. Abraham and Rosita had trained her. She was no longer afraid of guns. In fact, she was a pretty decent shot now. Not as good as Carl, but she wasn’t far behind. She’d lived through the months on the road. She understood. It was Judith she was worried about. A part of her wanted Maggie to take Judith, but another part of her refused to be separated from her even if it was the safer option. Beth could tell Rick and Michonne struggled with the same dilemma. But in the end their selfishness won out. They’d make the trip safe for her. No matter what.

       Everyone else was making the trip to Kingdom. From what Jesus told them, it would take around half a day, give or take, depending on walkers. Beth was anxious to leave, a constant knot of nerves in her stomach screaming at her, especially after the vague information she just learned about Simon and the Saviors. Whatever they weren’t telling her, she knew it was bad. And she didn’t want to know. All she knew was they had to leave. Now. This was her home, but she’d gladly light this place on fire if it meant her family could live another day.

       “Beth,” she turned to see Deanna approaching her. Despite everything, she still looked hopeful. She leaned in slightly so only Beth could hear her, “You have to be the voice of reason. Vengeance is a dangerous thing, but when its harnessed and wielded like a scalpel rather than a hammer…it can be useful. Guide them.”

       Beth felt the weight of their community land on her shoulders. And she wasn’t sure she could bear anymore. It was her responsibility to convince the Kingdom to join the fight. She already carried that burden, but this was something far greater. This was leadership. It still baffled her how Rick and Deanna did it. Those exact thoughts came tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop or explain them, “How do ya deal with it?”

       Deanna didn’t even have to ask what she meant. She knew. How could she deal with the guilt? If she made the wrong decision, people died. Nothing was ever just a simple mistake anymore. She couldn’t make mistakes because it got people she loved killed.

       The same knowing smile crept onto her lips, “Someday this pain will be useful to you. I have many things to keep fighting for. So, do you. This place, it isn’t just pie in the sky. We’ll be back.”

       The familiar phrase sunk into her. Deanna pulled her into a hug and she immediately melted into her. Everything about it reminded her of her mama’s hugs. Warm and strong. A newfound vigor and energy grew in her chest, like Deanna had transferred some of her hopeful outlook into her. It made her think of Bob and how even in their darkest times he still believed there was good in the world.

       Deanna ran her hand through her hair once before pulling away. Beth wanted to stay a little longer, but she knew they had to leave before the sun started to rise. The older woman smiled at her one more time, “I’ll see you soon.” And she walked out the door, undoubtedly going to say one last goodbye to her son.

       She turned her attention to her sister and Glenn, waiting in the entry way, ready to drive the RV to Hilltop. They already said their goodbyes earlier, but she couldn’t help rushing into Maggie’s arms one more time. Glenn hugged them both, his arms crushing them all together. And just like their goodbye before, it healed a little bit of her soul. Maggie tried to put up a strong wall in front of everyone, knowing many of the people she was taking with her looked up to her for strength and guidance. When she'd gotten a minute alone with her sister before she left, Maggie cracked.

 

       "I can't...I can't anymore," Maggie said, her voice low and wavering.

       It tore at her. The killing and the sacrifice ate away, a ravenous beast constantly waiting for its next meal. The dead boy flickered in her mind, followed by images of his blood washing down the drain. All the evidence disappearing, but it still lingered on her hands like a phantom second skin.

       Maggie hadn't told her what she had to do today, but she could guess. She could guess by the looks on her and Glenn's faces during the meeting. It was like a little part of them had died. At least that's how Beth felt. What she was really afraid of was getting used to it. She wished she could offer her sister some solace, comfort, anything, but she had nothing left to give.

       So, she just wrapped her arms around her, "We have ta keep goin'." It was all she had. Sometimes it seemed like a pointless endeavor, but they had to. 

       They were still holding onto each other when Glenn came into the living room. Beth saw him over Maggie's shoulder. A look of relief crossed his face at the sight and he dipped his head towards her. A silent thank you. Beth squeezed her sister tighter, knowing this was the last time she'd see her for a while. But she knew in her heart, she'd see her again. When the prison fell and they were separated, Beth knew she was alive. She knew she'd find her way back to her. Just like she knew now.

       Beth felt a piece of herself heal with the realization, "I love you."

       They pulled away, unshed tears in both of their eyes. Maggie looked less hesitant and defeated. "I love you."

       And that was that. They would survive. They had to, because behind the words they'd just spoken was a promise. A promise that they'd see each other again. Because even though neither of them were Greene’s anymore, it was still who they were. And Greene’s didn't break their promises.

 

~

 

       Rick entered the basement, his red-handled machete in hand. It molded to his palm and a familiar feeling overtook him. He adjusted his grip as he approached Simon, who was leaning up against the wall. Daryl had done a number on him. Good. He was missing fingers. There were cuts and slashes across his body. His face was swollen almost passed the point of recognition. He was wheezing and Rick guessed Daryl may have punctured his lung.

       He nudged him with his boot, not being careful enough to miss any major wounds. A groan emanated through the room as one of his eyes opened to look up at him. Rick had to give Simon some credit. He didn’t look scared to die. He just looked slightly irritated that he’d been woken up.

       “Finally gonna end it, huh?” he grumbled out, another groan bouncing through the room as he shifted to sit up more, “Been waitin’ long enough.” Rick’s head titled to the side as the man started to laugh. His teeth were stained red as blood dribbled out of the corner of his mouth, “Hug all those people out there for me. Keep ‘em close. Be kind to each other. Like it was your last day on Earth.”

       The threat was clear. It rattled him more than he cared to admit. His voice grated on Rick. The confidence in his threat came from his faith in Negan and the Savior’s ability to avenge him. Maybe he should be worried, but from what Dwight said, Simon had been the worst of their leadership.

       Daryl had told him everything Simon said during the interrogation. Told him how Simon killed all the boys and men in a community, leaving the women to suffer with that lose and practically ensuring they would never fight back. How he turned a blind eye to the things his men did to women they found out on the road. The skulls he’d seen bashed in. The sick trophies he kept. Rick knew he got off on the pain of it all. He’d seen a handful of guys like him over the years he was a sheriff’s deputy.  

       But it didn’t matter. The deed was done. Simon was as good as dead and whatever the Saviors had coming, they’d beat them. They’d fight like they always did and they’d win. That was the only way.

       Rick crouched down next to Simon, “Say hi to Negan for me.”

       He dug the machete into his stomach. The tearing of flesh filled the room momentarily before it was overtaken by screams. Simon’s vocal cords were shot, so all it sounded like was a strangled cat barely holding on. He ripped the machete back out and plunged it back into his chest, making sure there was no way to save him if the Saviors found him sooner rather than later.

       Rick stared into his eyes and watched the panic bloom. Once he finally slumped against the wall, he stood and headed for the basement door. They were leaving with the knowledge of all their outposts and a rough rotation schedule for each of them. Now, he’d leave this as a warning to them. It only seemed fair.

       They were fucking with the wrong people.

       He made sure to leave the brain unharmed. And he left the basement door open.

 

~

 

       No one had been able to rest. The minute the decision had been made to go, her time had been spent trying to convince people they needed to leave. She had been harsher than she would've liked, but she’d rather they be scared than dead. The people that were at Alexandria from the beginning were the hardest to convince. Because even though they'd experienced what the outside world had to offer, they still had never been out there.

       But Beth knew if she failed to convince anyone, that was one more death on her hands. And she couldn't live with that. So, she was harsh.

       Once all the goodbyes were said, Alexandria gathered at the gates. And they left as the sky was turning navy blue. They had quietly packed their existences into backpacks and car trunks. It was harder than she ever expected it to be. This had become her home, even more so than the prison ever had. Most of the good things she still held onto happened here. She got married here. Judith, Carl, and Mika got to be a kids here. Her family was whole here. This place taught her it wasn't just about surviving anymore. Something Morgan said once came back to her: Everything's about people. Everythin' in this life that's worth a damn, that's what I know. 

       The cars pulled out of Alexandria first on their way to Hilltop. It was further away than the Kingdom according to Jesus. Beth watched as her sister and Glenn led the small group of people towards another community. When the last car cleared the gates, Sasha, Aaron, and Aidan closed it behind them. The three of them volunteered to be scouts, watching over Alexandria for when the Saviors came.

       Mixed emotions swirled inside her, but there wasn’t time to deal with any of it. She hugged Sasha and Aaron quickly, but reserved only a nod for Aidan. His eyes fell to the ground briefly, but he squared his shoulders and nodded back.

       She took a deep breath in, “Come back.”

       It was all she said to the three of them. And it was a command. The last time she’d commanded that of someone was when Daryl went back into Terminus. It had worked then and she expected it to work now. She had to believe they’d be okay. All of them. They all nodded except for Aidan, who was staring at her like he could read her thoughts, but eventually he broke off.

       She turned her back on them and rejoined the group. Daryl was still holding Judith in his arms. He watched her as she joined his side. He didn’t say anything, but she knew there was a question on the tip of his tongue. But they just walked in silence, following Jesus as he led them northeast to the Kingdom. To their only salvation.

 

 

~

 

 

       “Walkers!” Mika yelled and pointed towards a group of ten to twelve walkers from what Beth could see. They were ambling towards them, drawn in by the sound of their footsteps echoing off the buildings and the overgrown roads and sidewalks.

       They were walking around the outskirts of Washington D.C. where suburbia met the city. The streets were narrow and the buildings were small and abandoned. They’d been walking for about three and a half hours. This was the first group of walkers they’d encountered surprisingly, which made her wonder if the Kingdom was well equipped enough to clear out walkers miles out from their community.

       Judith squirmed against her back, clutching at her shirt. She’d been restless for the past hour. It didn’t help that the sun was baking them. She tried her best to keep her in the shade, but when they were out in the open like this. It was hard. Now, they had worse things to worry about.

       Thud. Thud. Two crossbow bolts flew through the air before anyone could even reach the first line of the dead. Daryl stalked forward, but still kept close to her. Without hesitation Beth notched an arrow in her bow and adjusted her stance for the extra weight on her back. Abraham, Rick, and Michonne had made it to the first couple of walkers when Beth let her arrow loose. It stuck in the skull of a walker on the right that was rounding on them. She notched another, making sure Judith was always facing away from the walkers and out of reach of their grasping hands.

       She let another arrow fly when she saw Mika take down a walker to the left with her knife. Pride filled her at the sight. She could tell Mika was using everything she learned from Rosita, Abraham, and Carol. By the time she notched another arrow, the group had been forced into a tight circle and she realized it wasn’t just twelve walkers. More kept popping up, rushing towards them from around street corners. It wasn’t exactly a horde, but it was getting close.

       Beth threw down her bow behind her and pulled out her knives. The weight of Judith on her back was throwing her balance off. She was used to her being smaller, but now she wasn’t just curled up in her pack. She was actively moving and squirming. Fighting against her. Beth backed up as much as she could until she bumped into someone behind her. A glance over her shoulder told her it was Tyreese. Three walkers closed in on her.

       Her knives sunk into two skulls simultaneously. She yanked her blades out, keeping her feet planted. Daryl was next to her, trying to lure more walkers towards him and away from her and Judith. As more descended on them, she realized how much she had relied on using her legs as weapons in the past. She couldn’t move how she usually did.

       She plunged her knife into another skull, but as her arm was outstretched another one latched onto her. Beth watched in slow motion as it wanked her arm towards its bleeding gash of a mouth. As its teeth were about to close down on her arm, the walker was yanked sideways. She watched as Daryl ripped the walker away from her by the nape of its neck. The force of it tore the flesh from the walker’s skull as he threw it to the ground and finished it with his knife.

       There wasn’t enough time to thank him when a scream bounced off the buildings and landed right in front of her. It rattled around in her head and made her body freeze up. Her head whipped towards the sound and she saw Mika and Carl rapidly getting surrounded by the dead. They were cut off from the group. Gunshots rang out and a couple walkers dropped, but that only drew more towards them. Beth went to grab her bow, but another walker was on top of her. Her blade sunk into its temple without thought.

       “Carl!” Rick yelled.

       Mika and Carl were getting forced and herded into an alleyway that seemed to be a dead end. Beth and Daryl took out the last few remaining walkers around them. Bodies littered their feet. Some of her family was still fending off a few of them, so Beth pulled her gun ready to start drawing the walkers from the alley and away from the two kids. She fired, downing a walker close to the opening side street. The sound drew two of them away, but it wasn’t enough. Just as she was about to pop off another round, she heard something. It was a faint click clack sound. As it grew louder, it sped up.

       When she turned to look down the road, the sound started to make more sense. It wasn’t a click clack sound. It was clopping. The clopping of horse hooves on asphalt. Three horses rounded the corner, galloping towards them. The men riding them were wearing some sort of protective gear. Two carried a spear, the other a bat. She was about to aim at them when Jesus yelled over the chaos, “The alley!”

       The men along with the rest of her family, who had just taken down the last walker around them, went towards the alley. Beth and Tyreese stayed behind. As much as she wanted to help, she couldn’t risk Judith like that. Her heart was in her throat as she watched them clear the walkers in record time. The men on horses helped considerable and she had to assume they were from the Kingdom. If Jesus trusted them, she had to believe they were all right.

       When the last walker had fallen, Beth rushed over to the group. Her eyes fell on Carl first. He was bloody and out of breath, but he looked all right. Rick crushed him into a hug. That’s when Beth saw Mika clinging onto one of Carl’s hands. She didn’t look scared. She just looked tired and if she was being honest, over it. A laugh burst from her mouth at the sight. It was from relief mostly, but it was also the look on Mika’s face. Carol was by her side immediately, checking her arms for bites. Tyreese embraced her, saying something to her no one else could hear, but Mika smiled.

       Once she saw they were okay, her heart rate decreased and the adrenaline faded. With it, came the realization that her shoulders and body were aching from carrying Judith. She tried to adjust her, but no relief came. Daryl had just walked up to her, his eyebrows furrowed under his hair, when suddenly the weight was physically lifted off her shoulders. Beth turned to see Tyreese.

       He must have seen how much she was struggling because he lifted the pack off her. Judith kicked her legs freely as she was hoisted into the air. She didn’t argue, but a part of her felt disappointed. Tyreese secured Judith to his front, giving her a small smile, “Little ones gettin’ big.”

       She rolled her shoulders, her hands trying to work out the muscles, a familiar warmth encompassed her back as Daryl came up behind her. The silent support was enough to make her smile, but her focus stayed on Tyreese, “I know. Not sure I’m gonna be able ta carry her like that anymore.”

       “We just need to get you a better carrier. This one’s run its course.”

       She nodded, but her attention was drawn to the three men on horses as they dismounted. Rick approached them, nodding his head, but one of the younger ones seemed to be focused on Jesus, “Oh shit…Jesus, is that you? Didn’t recognize you with your hair up.”

       Another sterner looking man asked, “Who are all these people, Paul?”

       “Hi, Richard. Nice to see you,” Jesus avoided the question, trying to lighten the interaction.

       “It’s good to see you to,” Richard responded sincerely, “Your friends, who are they?”

       “This is Rick Grimes. He’s a leader of a like minded community and these are some of his people,” Jesus gestured to them all, “We would like to request an audience with King Ezekiel.”

       Beth’s eyebrows shot up at the name. This was the first time Jesus had called the leader of the Kingdom a King. From the looks on everyone else’s faces, she could tell they were all just as taken aback.

       Richard walked closer, observing them all carefully, “You say they’re a like minded community. Like minded how?”

       Jesus sighed, “We live. We trade. We fight the dead. Sometimes others.”

       Richard nodded and turned to address everyone, “The King is a busy man and it’s a dangerous world. We don’t usually allow a pack of strangers to waltz through our doors.”

       Michonne spoke up, “We want to make the world less dangerous and we are all here to show…the King how serious we are about that.”

       Richard watched them all, but his eyes landed briefly on Judith before he said, “You’ll have to hand your guns in before entering.”

       Beth turned to Rick, who nodded and gestured for everyone to hand over their guns. Most of Alexandria’s armory went with Maggie and Glenn to Hilltop. The group each had a gun or two, but it wasn’t like they were packing. They all mostly had handguns. Abraham and Rosita had semi-automatics, but that was it. It didn’t take long to hand them over.

       “Okay, follow me,” Richard said.

       They mounted their horses and started down the road in the direction they were headed before the walkers blocked them. Beth found herself walking behind Rick, Jesus, and Michonne when she overheard Rick whisper, “King?”

       All Jesus did was smile.

Notes:

Apologies for another slower chapter, but I needed all these things to happen in this chapter before we got to the Kingdom. The scenes may seem insignificant, but each one is setting up something for later. Plus there's some housekeeping about who was going where regarding the split between Hilltop and Kingdom. Next chapter is where things will start taking off...

So, we had a sweet conversation between Beth and Deanna and Maggie. Beth and Deanna have formed a very sweet mother-daughter bond that hopefully is portrayed well lol. Glenn and Maggie have left for Hilltop with some of the Alexandrians. This is the start of Maggie's arc as leader of Hilltop. We'll see how Ethan reacts to that...

Rick had an interesting scene with Simon and he did something for the first time that probably wasn't advisable. Its that cockiness coming through. He doesn't like that the Saviors rule with fear and intimidation. He wanted to send a message to them even though it would likely compromise the fact that they now have valuable information about the Saviors. Again, we have not been humbled yet. Season 6 Rick still reigns and even more so now because Simon was labelled as the worst of the Saviors.

Finally, we're near the Kingdom. We meet Richard. That scene between them all is from 7x10, so all credit to them. But it still fit really well into this story. I liked having Beth as a silent observer, gathering as much information as possible before meeting the King. Rick is still the leader. Beth is Alexandria's ambassador for foreign affairs haha. So, her job is to figure out the best way to convince the Kingdom to fight against the Saviors.

Not a lot of Beth and Daryl in this chapter unfortunately. I tried to sneak in little things here and there, but this was a pure plot chapter for sure. More next week though!

Anyways, come chat with me in the comments. All the love to you all. See you next week with a VERY exciting chapter :)

Chapter 36: The King

Notes:

Happy Sunday lovelies! I hope you all are doing well. Here's a new chapter for you.

As always, all my thoughts will be in the end notes. Come chat with me in the comments! I'd love to hear your thoughts. All the love <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       Aidan hadn’t slept in twenty-four hours. He took first watch to let Sasha and Aaron sleep. They hunkered down in a ruined house on the outskirts of Alexandria. The line of sight from the house to the front gates were clear. His heavy eyelids were threatening to shut, but he held them open. Fueled by the knowledge that they would be deciding the groups next steps depending on what information they gathered. He had to get this right. Falling asleep wasn’t an option. He hadn’t had to alert this long since his ROTC days in college. But this was different. This was life and death. He was relieved knowing no one was behind the walls of Alexandria. Everyone was out. They’d taken out the worst of the Saviors with minimal…

       He shook his head, getting rid of that train of thought. Shame burrowed its way through his subconscious. Beth’s words still rang in his head: Life for a life. That all any of this is anymore? Aidan adjusted his hold on his gun, clutching it closer, as her words hit him again and again. He’d been angry. It had been a victory. That’s how he saw it at least. Until she reminded him of all the people that had given their lives for Alexandria. That’s all she saw. He hated that she’d taken a single fleeting moment of triumph and made it seem like he didn’t care. He’d known Kent, Francine, Carter, and Heath longer than she had. How could she think he didn’t care?

       His anger had taken over. He knew he messed up as those detestable words left his mouth: And he'd be dead if it wasn't for me. He cringed, even now, as the words ping ponged through his mind. The moment those words left his mouth, he tried to make up for it. Apologize any way he could. She had hit him hard, but he had dug down and hit her where he knew it would hurt most. In his angry, he had hurt the person that he’d grown to care about more than he even realized. And the flash of pain that he’d seen in her eyes would be seared into his mind until he fixed it.

       He tried pulling her back. Tried getting her to talk to him about anything, because even her anger would be better than the bitter silence. He’d fucked up and he knew it. It hadn’t occurred to him until he was watching her leave that he may have lost her. He tried convincing himself he didn’t care. That it was her lose, but he knew that was bullshit of the highest order. When she was telling him about Daryl, the jealously that struck him was so deep and loathsome. He wanted someone to talk about him like that. The admiration in Beth’s eyes was so pure and for a second, he imagined it was him she was talking about. And then the short-lived moment was gone.

       Aidan knew he didn’t love her. Not like that, at least. He was just selfish. He wanted what Daryl had. Someone that would wade through a horde of walkers for him. Someone that looked at him the way she looked at him. Someone who would carry his memory with them if he died. Someone worth going through all this shit for. Beth told him he had to find something worth fighting for and he thought he had. But he realized it wasn’t enough. None of it was enough.

       That was why he couldn’t think of the attack on Alexandria as anything other than a victory. Because if he did, he would have to stare the truth in the face. The reality Beth threw at him threatened to take him down: Massacre. He thought fighting for Alexandria would be enough to keep him going, but after he slaughtered five Saviors, he finally understood that the price was too high. He wouldn’t die for Alexandria. The place may be his home, but it wasn’t something worth dying for. And now he was lost. He no longer knew what kept him fighting. He was alone. The only reason he hadn’t left was his mom. She didn’t deserve to lose another son.

       Aidan shook his head, coming back to reality. He turned to check on Aaron and Sasha. He counted himself lucky that he did or otherwise he wouldn’t have seen the Saviors descending onto Alexandria like ants to a piece of food. He had thought they’d come loudly and violently. He’d been wrong. He watched as they snuck up to the gates on foot.

       He ducked rather unceremoniously underneath the window sill and crawled towards Sasha and Aaron. Quietly waking them both up, he alerted them to their predicament. That’s when he heard the squeak of the front gates sliding open, followed by someone saying, “There’s no one here, but…there is something you should see.”

       The last part of the sentence was said with reservation. There was lull, before a commanding voice exclaimed, “Well shit.”

       Aidan and Sasha went to peak their heads over the window sill. He saw a tall, lanky man, with a bat resting on his shoulder, standing just within the threshold of Alexandria. There seemed to be Saviors already inside and he guessed some of them had climbed the walls to open the gate from the inside. He shifted to the left, trying to get a better look at what the man was looking at, but before he could see anything, he heard something. It was the gurgling growls of a biter. The snarls got louder and louder until he was finally able to see clearly.

       A biter that used to be Simon stumbled for the man with the bat, reaching out to tear at his flesh. Another man grabbed it before it could fully get to him and he asked, “What do you want us to do with him?”

       Another beat passed before the tall man answered, “Load him up. I’m sure ol’ Simon here would appreciate seein’ me beat the holy hell out of whoever did this. Or, maybe, he’d like to go at them himself.”

       The man turned sauntering back down the road, pausing briefly to say, “Tear the place apart. I wanna know where they’re at. Fan out and find me something interesting.”

       The minute Aidan heard the words ‘fan out’ his head whipped towards Sasha and Aaron. Their eyes were wide. They needed to get out of here and fast. Aaron started for the back of the house first, keeping low to the ground even when there were no windows to see through from the outside. Sasha followed and he brought up the rear.

       Aaron stopped at a rear window that led out back and into the woods. They’d have to get as far away from Alexandria as possible before circling back to the checkpoint between Kingdom and Alexandria. He slid the window open as quietly as possible and they all filed through, landing heavy on the ground beneath them.

       And they ran. His heartbeat pounded in his ears as the woods engulfed them.

 

 

~

 

 

       The Kingdom was beautiful. It's what she had imagined when Noah first described Hilltop. There were crowds of people milling about, weaving through lush gardens and active training grounds. People were smiling and laughing and training. Children were going to school. There was an obvious trading system happening between vendors. The bright smell of flowers and the warm smell of some sort of baked good were mingling in the air around them. The Kingdom was thriving in a way Hilltop and Alexandria hadn’t achieved. It was beautiful.

       And that's when she heard it: singing. Off to the left there was a large gazebo and stood in the middle was a choir. The melody flowed through the community and something about it made her pause.

       She couldn't remember the last time she sang. She'd hum under her breath to Judy, but that wasn't the same. The person that always encouraged her to sing was gone and she hadn't sung since. Beth couldn't tell what the choir was singing from this distance, but a deep ache settled in her. A longing.

       When she finally pulled her eyes away, she immediately made eye contact with Daryl, who was watching her intently. His gaze flickered towards the singing group and then back to her, like he was noting something. It felt like she'd been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. And for some reason she was embarrassed. Ever since the world fell, singing had felt so trivial and too jovial. Back at the prison, she had done it when asked, but eventually it became something she did for everyone else. To lift people's spirits, become a distraction, anything to make the hell they were experiencing a little more hopeful. But when her daddy died, the music died too.

       This was the first time in a long time that she's felt that pull again, but it still felt out of place. Not because music didn't belong here. It didn't belong in her anymore. It felt too bright, like it would shrivel up and die if it even touched her lips again. Beth felt herself twirl the ring on her finger as she joined Daryl's side and they went to catch up with the group. He didn't say anything, but she knew he caught on to some of it. She was sure he'd ask about it later after they got through this.

       They caught up with the group quickly, having never lost sight of them. Jesus had led them to a relatively large building that was off the main school. He was talking with Rick as he pushed open the doors and walked in. Beth and Daryl brought up the rear of the small group actually going to meet the King, while everyone else waited outside. It seemed Richard had assigned two other guards to watch them. She understood. They were strangers and they were a larger group. 

       Just as they stepped through the building doors, she felt Daryl's warm hand close around herself. Without hesitation she held on tight, but she still looked up at him. To anyone else his face revealed nothing, but to her she saw the tension and the eagerness to get this over with. And not just that, but the realization that if this didn't go well, they would have nowhere to go.

       Jesus pushed through a second set of double doors that opened up into an auditorium. Everyone halted. Her eyes widened and she felt her mouth physically drop open. For a second, she was convinced she had to be dreaming. That being awake for almost thirty-six hours had finally gotten to her, but then a roar ripped through the room and she knew even her mind couldn't make something like this up.

       A tiger strolled across the theater stage and settled down next to the man casually seated in a large chair she could only describe as a throne. Beth's eyes were glued to the tiger. It was beautiful and majestic. It seemed otherworldly. She was in awe rather than frightened, even though she knew it could kill her with one swipe if it's claws.

       The King's voice boomed across the auditorium, "Jesus! It pleases me to see you, old friend."

       Another man wearing a long red coat, beamed, "It pleases him indeed!"

       "Jerry," The King warned, before continuing, "Tell me what news do you bring good King Ezkiel? Are these new allies you brought me?"

       Jesus nodded, "Indeed they are, Your Majesty. This is…" He gestured towards them, but he must have seen all their astonished faces because he said, "Oh right I forgot to mention—"

       "Yeah, the tiger," Rick finished. He hesitantly started walking into the room, leading the group the rest of the way in. Beth let go of Daryl's hand so they could spread out accordingly. She needed a clearer view of the King, if she was going to have to negotiate with him.

       Jesus turned back to the King, "This is Rick Grimes, the leader of Alexandria. And these are some of his people. Many of them are still outside."

       The King had a reserved smile on his face as he spoke, "I welcome you all to the Kingdom, good travelers. Now, what brings you to our fair land? Why do you seek an audience with the King?"

       "Ezekiel," Rick started, but quickly corrected, "King Ezekiel. Alexandria, the Hilltop, an' the Kingdom. All three of our communities have somethin' in common. We're all under the thumb of the Saviors. Alexandria already fought them once and we won. We know there're more. Many more. Takin' out one group isn't enough. We've been told you have a deal with them. That you know them. Then you know, they rule with violence and fear."

       Jesus jumped in, "Your Majesty, I only told them—"

       Ezekiel turned towards Jesus, a look of betrayal on his face. Beth nearly winced at the look, "Our deal with the Saviors is not known among my people. For good cause. We made you a party to that secret, but we did not expect you to share—"

       Jesus cut in again, "We can help each—"

       "Don't interupt the King," Jerry warned. His voice loud even amongst Ezekiel’s.

       "We brought you into our confidence. Why did you break it?" The King questioned.

       Jesus looked up at him sincerely, "Because I want you to hear Rick's plans."

       "And what plans have you, Rick Grimes of Alexandria?"

       Rick gestured around the room, "We came to ask the Kingdom. To ask you to join us in fighting the Saviors. In fighting for freedom for all of us."

       "What you are asking is very serious."

       Michonne spoke up, "Our community was attacked yesterday morning. We lost good people. They killed one of our kids. We had to flee our home because we knew we wouldn't survive another attack. So, yes, we understand what we're asking is serious."

        Jesus added, "I used to think the deal was something we could live with. A lot of us did, but after what I saw at Alexandria...that's changing. So, let's change the world, Your Majesty.'

       "I want to be honest about what we're asking. Our people are strong, but there's not enough of us. We don't have enough guns, but we have information," Rick informed.

       A new voice joined the mix, Richard looked to the King. She hadn't realized he had gone on stage until he spoke, "We have people and weapons. If we strike first, together, we can beat them."

       The King stared Richard down. If looks could kill, Beth thought Richard might be dead, but even as he turned to the King, he continued, "Your Majesty, no more waiting for things to get worse. Beyond what we can handle. We set things right. The time is now."

       The King was silent for a second before he turned to look at a younger blonde man standing next to him. He could have been a teenager or in his early twenties. Beth couldn't tell, but the King addressed him, "What say you, Benjamin? Speak."

       Benjamin looked surprised that he was being addressed, but he covered it up well. His eyes scanned over them all before looking back to Ezekiel, "My dad always said that if you're asked to be the hero, be a hero. If the Kingdom can help, we should."

       A grave look overtook Ezekiel's face. Many mixed emotions passed his face before he stood tall to address the room, "The hour grows late. You have given the King much to ponder." It was a dismissal. He didn't look convinced. In fact, he looked afraid. Beth didn't blame him, but doing nothing would be just as dangerous as what they were asking. If the citizens of the Kingdom didn’t know about the deal with the Saviors, that had to mean they never set foot inside the Kingdom’s walls. And if they had, they were a lot more subdued than the ones that had come to Alexandria.

       Beth watched Rick shift his weight, his hands on his belt, as he looked up at the King again, "When I was a kid, my mother told me a story. There was a road to a kingdom, and there was a rock in the road. And people would just avoid it, but horses would break their legs on it and die. Wagon wheels would come off. People would lose the goods they'd be comin' to sell. That's what happened to a little girl. The cask of beer her family brewed fell right off. It broke. Dirt soaked it all up, and it was gone. That was her family's last chance. They were hungry. They didn't have any money. 

       She just sat there and cried, but she wondered why it was still there for it to hurt someone else. So, she dug at that rock in the road with her hands till they bled. Used everythin' she had to pull it out. It took hours. And then when she was gonna fill it up, she saw somethin' in it. It was a bag of gold. The King had put that rock in the road cause he knew the person who dug it out, who did somethin', they deserved a reward. They deserved to have their life changed for the good…forever."

       Beth stared at Rick; a profound sense of pride filled her as he concluded his story. Deanna had been worried about Rick needing to seek vengeance, but the man she saw stood in front of her was rational and clear headed. He may be on a war path, but she sometimes forgot that Rick was very good at reading people. Better than most. She felt a faint smile creep up onto her face.

       Ezekiel looked around, but she could see something had sparked in his eyes, "I invite you all to sup with us. Asylum has been granted to you and your people for however long you may need, Rick Grimes of Alexandria. I shall deliver my decree in the morn. Benjamin will show you your dwellings."

       Beth let a deep breath out. It was better than she had hoped to wish for. It was something she could work with, but now wasn’t the time to push. They had been granted asylum. If the King decided against fighting, she would have more time to convince him otherwise.

 

 

~

 

 

       Daryl led Beth to the communal bathroom, which was just a school locker room. It reminded him of the bathrooms at the prison. Cold and no privacy, but it would do just fine. He could tell that the last bit of energy she’d mustered was used up after meeting with Ezekiel and touring the Kingdom. They hadn’t even had to bargain for asylum, which was really just more time for her to convince Ezekiel to join the fight if he refused. And the thing about Beth was, it was impossible to say no to her. He would know.

        The bathroom was empty. It was late, so he guessed he should’ve expected that. He pulled her towards one of the showers and turned it on. The patter of water hitting the tile filled the room. Finally, he turned towards Beth and saw her sway slightly in exhaustion. She held onto him like it was the only thing keeping her upright.

       She started pulling off her clothes one by one, letting them fall to the floor, until she stood naked in front of him. Human blood and walker blood covered her arms and around her neck and collarbone. It was splattered in her hair too. Daryl turned her around, carefully, and gently undid her hair. It fell down around her shoulders, reaching her lower back. She stepped under the spray like she couldn’t bear being covered in blood any longer.

       Her fingers ran through her hair, turning the water that fell off her a light shade of pink as the blood swirled down the drain. A part of him was afraid if he turned away, she’d keel over, so he stayed put, but averted his gaze. He wanted to give her as much privacy as possible without going anywhere.

       “Daryl?”

       His name left her mouth in a whisper. It set a shiver down his body, but he met her eyes. She looked more alert after stepping into the lukewarm water, but the purple circles under her eyes told a different story. He watched redness flush her cheeks as she said, "It's alright."

       Daryl let his head fall back, looking up at the ceiling like he'd find all the answers to how the hell this woman was his wife. Beth was giving him permission and it still floored him how much she saw and how well she knew him. She always quelled his fears, like how he still sometimes felt dirty looking at her and feeling the things he felt. How he questioned if she really wanted him to touch her and look at her. How he wondered if one day she'd wake up and realize he wasn't who she thought he was. She made all of it disappear time and time again. When he looked at her again, he actually took the time to look. With each passing glance, he discarded his own clothes and stepped underneath the water, letting all the evidence of the last two days wash away. He still felt the urge to keep his back facing away from her. Still felt the urge to cover up, but he pushed through it.

       His eyes drifted down her body, shimmering from the water. He noted the faint scar on her collarbone and arm. Claimer and Wolf. The jagged scar on her wrist. Herself. The invisible open wound on her neck. There were no longer handprints bruised into it, but he watched her struggle with it every day. And he watched her overcome it. She was beautiful and it never failed to make him question everything. She'd once asked him if it was always leading to this. In that moment, he'd thought she'd been asking if he believed in fate. A while ago he would have said no, but now, he wasn't so sure.

       Beth let her eyes drift across his body, when she suddenly wobbled, a hand coming up to the wall. The redness on her cheeks drained, making her look too pale. Daryl reacted immediately, reaching for her. She grabbed onto his forearms, trying to steady herself. Daryl held onto her tightly.

       "M'sorry. Just got lightheaded," she breathed out, "I'm alright." But she clearly wasn't.

       She tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let her, "Yeah, no, ain't doin' this."

       He pulled her closer, making sure she was grabbing onto him before he reached for the bar of soap on the rack. Her head rested against his chest as he lathered up the soap and gently started washing her. He focused on the areas where the blood had been caked into her skin. Once the lightheadedness had passed and she was able to stand on her own, he turned her around again and ran his soapy hands through her hair.

       Beth's head fell back and a sigh left her lips as he worked the soap into her scalp. Her eyes closed and he wished this peace could last. Once all the blood had been washed away from them both, he shut off the water and grabbed a towel hanging on a rack to his right. Beth went to reach for it, saying, "I can do it."

       "I know," he replied, but bypassed her outstretched hands, "I wanna."

       Her resistance melted, "You're killin' me." Daryl paused. She stared at him, rooting him to the spot, "Do ya realize how good you are? How much I want ya all the time." 

       He watched her, eyes darting across her face. He knew she wasn't lying. A groan got stuck in his chest, her words hitting him hard. But he wasn't sure if this was just egged on by the state of delirium she was probably falling into. He wouldn't hold her to things she said now. They were both exhausted, "Ya ain't slept, Beth."

       She shook her head, like she couldn't believe him, "Only thing no sleep's done is loosen my tongue. Don't make anythin' I said less true."

       He started running the towel over her body to dry her off, focusing on something else so he could say what was on his mind without restraint, “Used ta things bein’ ugly. Then ya go an’ say shit like that. Reminds me it don’t gotta be like that. Was nothin’ before. Now, I got people I belong to.”

       Beth ran her thumb over his jaw, making his eyes close at the gentle touch, “You don’t belong ta anyone, Daryl.”

       “Nah, I do. Ya got me, girl. Ain’t like how it was before.”

       “Hm?” she asked.

       How was it different? He wasn’t sure he could even explain, “Knowin’ you’re alive…that ain’t enough.”

       He saw the recognition in her eyes as he wrapped the towel around her. The words she said to him so many months ago played in his head constantly: But…hearin’ each breath you take, knowin’ you’re alive…that matters. It mattered, but it wasn’t enough. There was a time where he would’ve been content just knowing she was out in the world somewhere, still breathing. He convinced himself that was all he was ever going to get. And he was all right with that. But that wasn’t enough anymore. He knew what she felt like. What she tasted like. He knew what having her love felt like. She had him in so deep.

       Daryl wasn’t sure how to describe it. It was overwhelming and satisfying and desperate and innate. It wasn’t something he’d ever dealt with before. And all he wanted to do was keep it. Goosebumps had formed on Beth’s arms and the way she was looking at him with wide eyes made him feel crazy. She’d seen the darkest parts of him and was still able to look at him like that. He shook his head slightly, letting out a sigh through his nose.

       But his breath caught in his chest when her lips crashed into his. The same desperation he felt was mirrored back to him in the way she kissed him. She was showing him she understood. That she felt everything he was feeling too. Some of the evidence was still etched into his back. The thin red lines from her trying to pull him closer. He held her tightly against him as her warm mouth moved against his.

       She broke the connection between them, “It was never enough to begin with. Just didn’t know it yet.”

           

~

 

       The gates to Hilltop opened and Maggie was greeted immediately by Noah and Steven. The relief she had felt at making it to Hilltop without incident slowly disappeared as she got a good look at them both. Glenn came up next to her obviously feeling the tension. 

       Before she could say anything or explain why they were there, Steven spoke quickly and in an almost hushed tone, "Is Jesus with you?"

       His demeanor made Maggie glance around searching for some sort of threat. From what she could tell, there wasn't one. Everything looked how they left it. People were milling about doing their daily chores. She hesitated, no longer feeling comfortable talking in the open, "No. We were attacked by the Saviors the minute we got back. He's alive, but he took the rest of Alexandria to the Kingdom."

       Noah glanced over his shoulder towards Barrington House, like he was checking for someone, "We've been…taken over. Hilltop isn't safe."

       Maggie glanced at Glenn as a pit opened in her stomach. A grave look overtook her husband's face. What could have happened in such a short time? Then, Maggie realized it didn’t matter. These were her people and she’d be damned if she let anything happen to them. So, she’d handle it. Whatever it was.

       “Tell me everythin’.”

Notes:

The Kingdom is here! Woo! So, if I'm being honest, I always imagined Beth as a Kingdom girlie. Of course, Alexandria is her home and that's where she's meant to be, but her whole being and aesthetic always seemed to match with the Kingdom's in my opinion.

So, we started with our first Aidan POV, which was such an interesting bit to write. Surprisingly, writing him came really easily. We get a lot of insight into his character from just the beginning of this chapter. I'm really curious to hear what you guys think of that. He's going through a lot of confusing feelings and mixed emotions, but the main takeaway is that he lost his "something to fight for" which was Alexandria. Hence why those feelings of jealousy start to show up.

Our introduction to Kingdom is a relatively nice one! We get a little bit about why Beth doesn't sing anymore, which will come up more later. Meeting the King goes almost exactly like it did in the show (7x09) except Morgan isn't there to sway the King to find another way besides fighting. He has Benjamin and Richard, who both are urging him to take action. Also I had to put Rick's 'rock in the road' speech in there because it was too good to leave out and I really think that was the moment that Ezekiel decided to trust Rick.

Beth and Daryl have a really sweet moment together. They've been up for 36 hours at this point, so there is absolutely no filter between either of them lol. But also, TITLE DROP lol!! It was really fun bringing that back and tying it into the story again. The vulnerability between these two characters is at an all time high. Daryl is where Beth was at before he got shot. Just like these immense overwhelming feelings that make it difficult to be without the other person constantly. I am NOT saying this is healthy, to be clear. Independence is important in a relationship, however I am writing two very traumatized characters that are bonded through that among a bunch of other things. So, this seems accurate for them. Daryl is experiencing this type of gentle and patient love for the first time and he's realizing how much he can't lose her. But yes, I hope that scene was able to convey the headspace Daryl is in at the moment.

Last, but not least, Maggie and Glenn are coming up against something at Hilltop...There's a shift in Maggie at the end. She's a leader at heart and if you mess with her people, you mess with her :)

Anyways, all the love to you all <3 And I'll see you in the comments. Can't wait to hear all your thoughts!

Chapter 37: Reckoning

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Happy Sunday! I have a very long chapter for you today. A lot of fun stuff in this one and I'm so excited to hear what you guys think :)

Thank you guys so much for all the love this story has gotten. You all are truly amazing! Come chat with me in the comments <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       “Ethan.”

       Noah said the name under his breath like saying it too loud would conjure him out of thin air. Rick had told Maggie about him, but whatever was happening now, she guessed it wasn’t part of the plan.

       “He’s taken over. He’s holed up in the house and won’t let anyone enter unless its his brother or someone from the crew he used to deliver with,” Noah continued.

       Glenn spoke up as Maggie scanned the house up on the hill, “We’re here to talk about fighting. We brought a lot of our guns to help prepare—”

       Steven shook his head, eyes wide, “You can’t let them see. They’ll take them over. Ethan…he killed Tanaka.”

       “What?” Maggie exclaimed, a shot of adrenaline bursting through her.

       Noah spoke quickly, “When Ethan took over. He wasn’t himself. He…it was like he was possessed. Tanaka tried to stop him and…”

       She knew the rest, “How many?”

       “Six. Sheppard has tried to get on the inside, but she hasn’t been able to break through. They’re too strong and none of the people here are fighters. Or at least not enough of us to take all of them down without weapons,” Steven sighed, glancing around, “They’re hording all the weapons. Spears, knives, bows, everything.”

       Glenn ran his hand over his face, subconsciously dropping it to his gun holster dangling at his side, “Can they be reasoned with?”

       There wasn’t even a pause. Both of them shook their heads. Shit. Maggie glanced at her husband and she saw the grim expression on his face. The minute she did, she knew what they had to do. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, but the decision wasn’t hitting her as hard as she expected. It might have been because the fear in Noah and Steven’s eyes was so visceral. They’d lost a friend, senselessly, and the person who did it was still alive to remind them of it every day. The path forward was clear.

       “Alright. Get Sheppard an’ anyone else ya trust. Meet us outside,” Maggie commanded.

       She glanced back at the house, seeing if anyone had noticed her and Glenn yet, but it seemed like their arrival had flown under the radar. Noah and Steven went off to gather their people, while her and Glenn disappeared back to their vehicles parked outside around the bend. Deanna, Tara, and Dwight were waiting for them as they approached.

       When Tara saw them, she immediately pulled out her gun, “That good, huh?”

       Maggie tried to stay positive, “Could be worse. It’s not Saviors.”

       “A group of six have taken over. They’re holding the Hilltop hostage,” Glenn added, loading his gun.

       “Weapons?” Dwight asked.

       “All stashed in the house, but they don’t have guns. Those were already taken by the Saviors,” Maggie replied, leading them all to the RV to start handing out the guns they brought with them.

       Maggie handed Tara a semi-automatic as she asked the main question everyone was probably wondering, “So, what’s the play?”

       She looked to Deanna, wondering if she wanted to make the call, but Deanna shook her head, “These are your people and this is your territory. Not mine. I’ll help in anyway that I can, but whatever you decide, we’ll all back you up.”  

       A quick glance around the small group told her exactly what she needed to know. They had her back, but this was her call. She nodded, “Alright. It’s only six of ‘em, but—”

       “Maggie.”

       A voice whispered yelled from behind her. When she turned, she saw Noah and Steven approaching with a small army of Hilltop citizens behind them. She recognized a few of them from the last time she visited. Sheppard was by their side, looking like she hadn’t gotten any sleep in weeks. The blacksmith, Dr. Carson, the two guards that were posted at the gate when they first came here, and three others she didn’t recognize.

       With Hilltop’s numbers and their own, this shouldn’t be a fight. However, from the way Noah described Ethan’s state of mind, she was expecting the worst. Glenn and Dwight helped pass out guns to the rest of them. Jessie and Sherry stepped up too, making their group sixteen strong. It would have to do. Deanna, Denise, and Tina all stayed back to look after Sam and Enid. Although, Maggie guessed Enid would be pissed if anyone assumed she needed a babysitter. And rightfully so. That girl had been through just as much as all of them and was just as capable. The only reason she wasn’t going with them was because Jessie asked her specifically to stay with Sam. He trusted her.

       When everyone was geared up, she said, “We go in, fan out, ask for surrender. There’s enough of us that we can do this without firin’ a shot. But if it comes down ta that, take out Ethan first. Hopefully, the rest will follow.”

       “So, we’re just gonna keep them alive? The people that killed Tanaka. They get to just what? Walk free?” Sheppard asked incredulously.

       “They’ll surrender or die. An’ if they surrender, they go right back to where Ethan came from,” Maggie answered calmly.

       Sheppard shook her head, “Imprisonment? We don’t have the manpower or resources to hold six people.”

       Maggie glanced back at Deanna, remembering what she had done when someone didn’t work out at Alexandria, “Then we’ll banish them.”

       “So, they can rally and come back and hit us harder?”

       “Sheppard—” Noah interjected.

       “No, Noah. You know what happened the last time. Can’t take that chance again,” Sheppard insisted.

       Maggie was becoming antsy. The more time they spent out here the more time Ethan and his people had to spot them. So, she compromised for now, “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Let’s get it done first.”

       Sheppard didn’t look convinced, but she nodded regardless. Maggie and Glenn led the group back through the gates of Hilltop and towards the house. It seemed Noah and Steven had warned the other residents to get inside and stay away from the main house, because there was no one in sight. It was probably for the best. She didn’t want any of them catching stray bullets if this went bad.

       She scanned the house and saw all the window shades were pulled shut, blocking visibility, but she ascended the steps and quietly tried the doorknob. It was unlocked. Dwight was at her back and Glenn was in front of her. She nodded once, twice, three times and swung open the door.

       Glenn filed in first, Maggie right on his tail. She heard the slapping of boots behind her as everyone fanned out in the foyer. She heard shuffling in the office and turned towards it. The double doors were closed, but she knew the noise their entrance had made alerted whoever was behind it. Before Tara and Dwight could get to the doors, they flew open. A bunch of clicking noises sounded off around her as her people raised their guns towards the threat.

       Ethan stood in the doorway, with a singular handgun raised towards them. His aim flickered from person to person, unable to settle on a target. He looked frazzled and sleep deprived. The circles under his eyes were a deep purple and his hair was a matted mess, but what really tipped her off was the way his gun shook slightly in his hand. This wasn’t good.

       Maggie glanced around him to see five other people filing up behind him all armed with spears or machetes. There was one man, if she remembered correctly his name was Craig, who looked out of place among the others. He had fear written all over his face. With every passing second, Ethan and the others looked angrier and angrier.

       She stepped forward, out of the semi-circle they created around the office doors, “Drop it. An’ walk out here slowly with your hands up. No one’s gotta die today.” Her voice came out strong and steady. She almost didn’t recognize it.

       Ethan’s eyes darted around the room, before landing back on her, “Who the fuck are you?” He looked towards Sheppard and the other Hilltop residents standing against him, “You bring ‘em here?”

       There was a vindictive tone to his voice. He looked about ready to say something else, but Sheppard spoke first, “You’re done Ethan.”

       Maggie swore she saw his eyes turn red for a split second as his booming voice filled the foyer, “I…I was getting us ready and this is how you repay me. You don’t know what they’re like. None of you are ready!”

       His anger was becoming more and more frantic and she saw this going one of two ways. He was either going to start shooting or shoot himself. She couldn’t tell. So, she calmed her voice, “Ethan, we’re here to fight. We’re ready to help. The Saviors are our enemies. Not each other. So, please, drop the gun.”

       He looked at her and she watched as his expression melted to one of fear, “We’re not ready.”

       Maggie nodded, “I know, but we’re gonna be. Together. We can only do this together.”

       She glanced at Glenn, who’s eyes were pinpointed on the man still pointing a gun at her. Those were his words. He was always so optimist even when they were no better than the dead that roamed the Earth. He was the glue that held them all together.

       The fear in Ethan’s eyes was real and she watched as he slowly started lowering the gun. She could see he wasn’t a bad man. He was just scared. The majority of his job at Hilltop was to deal with the Saviors. She couldn’t imagine what he’d seen or the people he’d lost doing that job. The responsibility of getting Hilltop ready for a war with the Saviors had broken him.

       He had fully dropped the gun to his side when a loud bang rang out through the room. Maggie watched as a bullet entered his skull. Blood splattered some of the people behind him as his body crumpled to the floor. Her head whipped towards the source of the sound and she saw Sheppard, weapon raised to her eye level.

       Silence filled the room, until sobs erupted from a woman that was standing behind Ethan. She rushed to his side and collapsed. The rest of Ethan’s group dropped their weapons to the ground, a new sense of fear overtaking them at the sudden betrayal.

       A split-second decision had to be made and Maggie chose the lesser of two evils. She turned her gun on Sheppard and said, “Drop your gun. Now.”

       Most of the other Hilltop residents were too stunned to do anything, but watch. Noah and Steven included. They just watched their friend put a bullet in someone’s head that was surrendering. Glenn, Tara, and Sherry turned their guns on Sheppard too, but Dwight and Jessie kept their eyes on the other five members of Ethan’s group. No longer holding them at gunpoint, but Sheppard still had her gun trained on the unarmed members.

       Her voice trembled in rage as she spoke, “They killed Tanaka. They just sat there and did nothing.”

       “Sheppard, drop the gun,” Maggie urged again.

       Noah raised his hand towards her as he walked towards Sheppard, “Ethan killed Tanaka. He’s dead, Sheppard. Don’t let him pull you down too.”

       Maggie saw tears glistening on her cheeks as Noah reached a hand towards her shoulder, “We were them once. We watched and let things happen. Did nothing until it was too late. We got a second chance. Why shouldn’t they?”

       His words seemed to shake something inside of her because a visible tremble went through. And with it she lowered her gun. Maggie wasn’t sure what type of hell the three of them had to endure, but it must have been severe because even just the vague mention of it seemed to knock them all out. Noah, Steven, and Sheppard all seemed to cave in on themselves, grim looks overtaking their faces.

       The rest of them lowered their guns. Only a couple minutes had passed, but it seemed like a lifetime. But now the real work began.

 

 

~

 

 

       There was nothing like a good twelve hours of sleep to repair her deteriorating perception and lack of awareness. As Beth and Daryl sat down at one of the cafeteria tables, she felt the eyes on them, but not just on them. On him. She looked around the relatively packed room and realized people were staring or trying really hard to cover up that they were staring. It was unsettling. It reminded her of when they first got to Alexandria, except this was different. She looked around, gauging people's reactions. There was a younger woman sitting with a large group of people across the aisle way. Beth followed her line of sight and realized she was glancing at Daryl. It wasn't a hostile or disgusted look like it had been at Alexandria. No, these looks were...admiring.

       Then, it clicked. Beth took one more glance around the room at the people trying not to stare and she realized they were checking Daryl out. She almost laughed. If she was being honest, it was a nice change to the sneers they'd been greeted with before. Alexandria was where they belonged and the people there were her family, but she wasn't going to lie and say it had been a warm welcome. Or smooth sailing. This was a wholly different beast and she couldn’t say she didn’t find it entertaining. 

       Beth couldn't blame them. Daryl was alluring. Something about him pulled people in, even when he tried so hard to push everyone away. He could be rough and abrasive, but that was part of the beauty of him. She assumed the mystery surrounding him was what caught people's eye. Not to mention his looks. Beth wasn't an idiot. Daryl was very attractive. As much as he didn't think so, he was captivating. There were times when she caught herself staring. But his looks weren't what kept her. His heart was everything to her.

       There was also a certain pull and assumption that came with a man that looked like him. There was a specific confidence in the way he did things that could make the imagination run wild in other areas. He looked like he knew what he was doing. Beth would know.

       She grinned into her bowl of oatmeal, a sense of giddiness overtaking her. A part of her loved knowing that other people saw what she saw in Daryl, but a more possessive part loved knowing that despite all of it, he was hers.

       "What ya got that shit eatin' grin for?" Daryl asked, ducking his head towards her. He kept his voice low, like he still didn't trust this place and the people yet. Probably smart. She liked the Kingdom, but she knew they were viewed as outsiders and when push came to shove, her family would be the first to go. They were the newcomers. 

       She shook her head, a smile overwhelming her face, "Nothin'."

       "Bullshit," he replied, good-naturedly.

       She decided to throw him a bone, if only to see the look on his face, "You have admirers."

       He stared at her, "What'd ya just say ta me?"

       A breathy laugh escaped her, as his eyes narrowed at her, "You heard me."

       He finally broke eye contact with her to look around. She covered her mouth because he wasn't exactly being subtle. Not that he needed to be. But his sudden scan of the room did make the women ogling him either turn away quickly, unnaturally so, or double down and grin at him.

       He shifted uncomfortably and grunted under his breath, "Too early for this shit."

       God, she loved this man. She hated that he still underestimated the kind of person he was, but she'd gladly spend the rest of her life showing him he was worth it a million times over. 

       His demeanor shifted slightly. She guessed he was just uncomfortable with the attention, "You wanna leave?"

       He shook his head. "Nah," he paused, shifting again, before asking, "You mad?"

       Beth's eyebrows furrowed, "What? Why'd I be mad?" Her hand automatically reached out to him, landing on his forearm.

       He was biting the inside of his cheek, but fully turned to look at her, "Don't give a shit 'bout any'a them."

       He was acting like it was his fault people were staring. And it clicked that this might've been something he witnessed between his parents. She could see his pathetic excuse of a father yelling at his mama for the exact same thing. Beth squeezed his arm gently, "I know, Daryl. Ya don't gotta tell me. I was just teasin'."

       He nodded, but didn't seem convinced, "Only reason is you. Sittin' with you."

       Her head titled to the side as she looked up at him. He thought they were staring at him because of her. He was so used to being looked down on. Her chest squeezed, but she smiled regardless, "No, it's cause you're hot."

       He huffed out a laugh, "Hot. Really?"

       She shrugged, "Beautiful, but thought I'd mix it up."

       "Think you're talkin' 'bout the wrong Dixon."

       "Ain't talkin' 'bout Merle."

        A small smile crept onto the side of his face, “Neither am I.”

       Beth felt her cheeks heat up as a contagious smile took over her whole face. Daryl always called her beautiful. It was in the way he looked at her and treated her. Him saying it out loud was different. And no matter how many times he called her a Dixon, she melted every time.

       “You flirtin’ with me, Daryl?”

       “Yup,” he answered, nonchalantly.

       This carefree side of him, that rarely saw the light of day, made her want to freeze this moment and live in it forever. He could be playful when he wanted to be, even with everything they’ve been through. It was a rare thing, but something she treasured immensely. She looked down at her ring suddenly, the weight of it entering her mind. The more she looked at it, the more she loved it and everything it stood for, "Everyone knows I'm yours, but..." She nodded her head to his empty ring finger, "Stares are gonna happen."

       "Want me ta wear a ring?"

       "Don't really seem like your thing," she responded honestly. Beth couldn't imagine him wearing any jewelry. But she vowed to find him something that he could keep on him. Something from her. Although she joked about wanting people to know he was hers, it was really about just giving him something.

       "How 'bout this."

       "Hm—" she started to ask, but was cut off by Daryl's lips on hers. A surprised noise left her throat, but she recovered quickly. She kissed him back not caring who saw. He pulled away and went back to eating his food, like he hadn't just taken the air from her lungs. Like what he just did was a normal everyday occurrence.

       Beth looked around and saw some dejected looks and maybe even some irritated ones. Her eyes fell back to Daryl, who just carried on like nothing happened. She knew why he did it, but she wanted to hear him say it, "What was that for?"

       He shrugged, drinking water from his tin cup, "Wanted 'em ta know."

       If she looked back on everything they'd been through, this seemed like such a subtle change. But she hadn't gotten used to his freely given affection in front of others yet, so it stunned her. The urge to kiss him again was strong, but she controlled herself and kissed him on the cheek instead. Regardless of how she felt, seeing two people pushing it too far over breakfast was still too much. She didn't want to see that either.

       “Think some people were hopin’ we were related,” Beth remarked as she observed the disappointed glances thrown their way.

      Daryl scoffed, “Yeah, cause the family resemblance is real strong.”

       The sarcasm practically dripped from his mouth and it made her laugh. The idea was just as absurd to her, but it pulled her mind away from her other mounting responsibilities. Even just for a couple of minutes. It was moments like this that kept her sane.

       Two trays of food clanked down in front of them, pulling her out of the little bubble both of them had created. She looked up to see Michonne and Rick. Carl, Mika, and Tyreese not far behind. Rick raised his eyebrow at them both, "When did ya'll get so subtle?"

       Michonne nudged his shoulder, reprimanding, but added, "They were never subtle."

       Daryl just shook his head, downing the rest of his water. Carl sat down next to Michonne, "What was never subtle?"

       “Nothin’,” Beth answered before anyone else could get smart.

       Luckily, Daryl changed the subject before anyone could question it any further, “Gonna go to the checkpoint.”

       Beth’s heart sank. He told her he was going before they left their room this morning, but she had forgotten for a split second. She knew someone had to, but she wondered why it had to be him. It wasn’t fair of her to think that way. Everyone did so much and they all had their areas of expertise. He was good out there. She was just being selfish. Beth wanted him all to herself even just for a day.

       Rick spoke up, “Take Abraham with you.”

       “Faster on my own,” Daryl countered.

       Rick nodded, “I know, but its safer. Saviors could be anywhere. We’ve already pushed our luck enough. Not worth the risk just to get it done quicker.”

       Beth hoped he wouldn’t argue. She would feel better if he took someone with him. Thankfully all he said was, “Alright.”

       She knew that meant he would be gone longer, but she’d take him being safer over seeing him sooner. She’d go herself, but she had business with the King. That was her area of expertise. They would find out what he decided today. It was well past morning and he still hadn’t summoned them. If she had to guess, he was struggling with doing what his close circle wanted and what he thought was best.

       Beth had to assume the latter would win out. And that’s where she came in.

 

 

~

 

 

       Beth walked along with Daryl and Abraham towards the front of the Kingdom, dreading the moment the gates closed between them. She hated saying goodbye over and over again, but the waiting was the worst. It always felt like they were leaving each other. Something about this time felt different. Like she physically couldn't let him go. Maybe it was just because they were in a new place and she hadn't had time to get used to it yet. And her safe place was leaving. If he never left her side again, it would be too soon. Beth truly felt like this feeling would make her go crazy. A constant boiling of emotions on the cusp of overflowing. She tried her best to tamp it down with a lid, but sometimes it was too much and she didn't know what to do with it.

       Daryl stopped at the gates and turned towards her. Something about this time felt different. She knew it. He wasn't even one foot out the door and she already felt the rising panic. Her breathing picked up. It was like she was trying to breathe through a straw. She tried her best to hide it, not wanting him to worry, but the minute she looked into his eyes she saw the storm cloud. His hand encompassed her face and he leaned down, kissing her on the crown of her head. Her eyes fell shut as she let his warmth sink into her. Her hands gripped the front of his shirt, hoping to keep him just a little bit longer. Before he could fully pull away, she tilted her head up and kissed him. She wanted more. Needed more. But this was all she had right now. 

       “Stay safe,” she commanded.

       “Yes, ma’am.”

 

~

 

 

       The King watched over his people, training with bows. People of all ages. Some missing limbs and some too young to have gone through that in the first place. “This is life here. Every day,” he turned towards the small group of them that Richard had gathered to hear the decree, “But it came at a cost. And I wanted more of this. I wanted to expand to create more places like this. Men and women lost their limbs. Children lost their parents because I sent them into battle against the wasted when I did not need to.”

       Rick closed the distance between them, “This is different.”

       “It isn’t.”

       Rick nodded, “It is. The dead don’t rule us. The world doesn’t look like this outside your walls. People don’t have it as good. Some people don’t have it good at all.”

       “I have to worry about my people,” Ezekiel said, a sad look in his eyes, “All of this came at a cost. It was lives. Arms. Legs. The peace we have with the Saviors is uneasy, but it’s peace. I have to hold onto it. I have to try. Although the Kingdom cannot grant you the aid you desire, the King is sympathetic to your plight. I offer you asylum for as long as you require it. You will be safe here. The Saviors do not step foot inside our walls.”

       “How long do you think that will last?” Beth asked, her own grief peppering her words.

 

 

       The garden was small, but vibrant and luscious. It reminded her of the one she tended to when she was younger. There weren’t just flowers, but fruit and vegetables. It was isolated away from the other farm plots, so she guessed it was the King’s. Gravel crunched underneath her boots as she studied all the plants. Her eyes were drawn to a bright yellow flower that looked like miniature sunflowers. Her fingers ran over the soft petals.

       Beth couldn’t say she was surprised at the King’s decree, but it did make her job ten times harder. Heavy footsteps alerted her to Jerry’s entrance into the garden, “King Ezekiel will see you.”

       Ezekiel walked through the gates. A genuine smile broke across his face at seeing her examining his garden, “You have requested a meeting with the King, but I must warn you. I will not be changing my mind.”

       Beth found herself grinning despite the frustrating situation. Regardless of what she thought about his decision, she liked Ezekiel. All he wanted was to keep his people alive. He just didn’t know yet that this peace he thought he had with the Saviors wouldn’t last. She decided to take a roundabout approach, “What is the Kingdom, Your Majesty?”

       Ezekiel watched her, a curious look furrowing his eyebrows. He took a second to think as he sat down on a bench to her left, "The Kingdom is only worth as much as the people who live here. We live by simple rules: You drink from the well; you replenish the well. I can see your people are no strangers to hard work. Our ways of life are one in the same."

       Beth nodded, seeing her opening, "You can't properly do that if half the people takin' from the well don't replenish it. You'll always be left with less than there was before."

       Ezekiel looked towards the ground like her words struck him, before raising his eyes back to her, "Ah, yes, Richard warned me about you. You're the one who sees all. The wolf disguised as a lamb."

       "I see that you care about your people an' ya don't wanna put 'em in anymore danger. I see that you wear your own disguise, King Ezekiel. I see you’re scared. This deal ya have with them isn't peace. They'll keep takin' 'til there's nothin' left. And by then it'll be too late."

       A grave look cascaded over the King’s face, "I've made my decree. And it is final."

       She looked around the garden one last time, not wanting to push him any further right now, "As you wish, Your Majesty." Beth turned to leave, but before she did, another thought crossed her mind, "Who're you willin' to lose? When you care 'bout people, hurt is kinda part of the package, but I know I can't stand the idea of losin' anyone else. That's how I know we gotta fight. Cause losin' someone I love just cause the Saviors decided today would be the day… that’s never gonna sit right with me. In this world we fight or we die. And then we get to live.”

       She left him, giving a respectful smile to Jerry as she passed. The King would understand eventually. She just hoped it was before the Saviors brought a reckoning down on his head.

 

~

 

       "How long you two been bumpin' uglies?" Abraham asked suddenly.

       Daryl stopped, his whole body tensing up. Abraham had been unnaturally quiet the entire time they’d been out here. To the point it was starting to unnerve him, but this was not what he expected. His blood boiled at anyone thinking about Beth like that besides him. An electric current ran through him as the words catapulted him back in time to all the shit his brother used to say just to rile him up. The words he spewed back were deep and guttural, “You're gonna wanna walk that back.”

       "Relax, darlin'. Don't give two short and curlies what ya'll do when the lights go out," Abraham walked around the outskirts of a clearing. It was the one he had mentally marked as they walked to the Kingdom. It meant they were getting close to the checkpoint, "There is no damned corner on this damned Earth that has not been dicked hard beyond all damned recognition. I'm askin' man to man. You think you could do it?"

       Daryl had about enough of this conversation, but he figured he'd humor him and see where this was going. He didn't have to be happy about it though, "What?"

       "Pour the Bisquick. Make pancakes. You know, the whole nine yards. And I ain't talkin' accidently."

       After he sifted through the layers of unwanted metaphors, he finally understood. He adjusted his crossbow, the conversation taking an unexpected turn, "Ain't up ta me."

       He threw out a half-assed answer because he still had a hard time understanding how he felt about it. He wanted to give Beth everything, but what kind of father would he be? Not like he had a great example to follow. And that didn't even begin to cover how vulnerable it would make Beth. Abraham was right. The world was fucked. How could he consciously make the choice to put her in even more danger? But...he saw that little girl. He saw Beth being a mom and all those other concerns disappeared. It wouldn't be anytime soon, but he saw it.

       "Not askin' ‘bout her. Girl's a natural. I'm askin' you. Could you do it? Something as big as that...if that's livin'," Abraham reemphasized.

       Daryl knew he wasn't going to drop this, but what struck him was how much this clearly meant to Abraham. He had a serious look on his face as he stared him down. He couldn’t remember ever seeing him that serious. It was like he was looking to him for salvation. It unnerved him. He didn't have the answers. And he was damn sure he never would, but he told him a simplified version, "I would. For her."

       And that was the truth. He'd give her anything.

       He shook his head, "Gonna pawn it off on her like it don't take two to tango."

       Irritation pricked under his skin, "Gave you an answer. What else ya want?"

       They'd left the clearing behind. Daryl was focusing on finding the little hunting shack they'd marked as the checkpoint, but Abraham wasn't done, "I call bullshit."

      “If you’re lookin’ for sum epiphany, I ain’t got one for ya,” Daryl barked back. He knew Abraham was right, but it wasn’t any of his business how him and Beth lived their life. It was only their own.

       His deep laugh cut through the silence, “I think you do. You died an’ came back a changed man. We all saw it. You were a grumpy son of a bitch. Ya still are, but you’re livin’ now too. So, excuse me for callin’ bullshit.”

       Daryl arced around a thicket of trees and spotted the cabin ahead, but he stopped, turning towards Abraham, “Didn’t see no pearly white gates or nothin’.” His frustration had diminished somewhat after he realized what he was getting at. It wasn’t about Beth at all. He wanted to know what changed him. If he was being honest, he hadn’t realized how noticeable it was. “I saw her before an’ after. So, yeah, I would and it ain’t just for her.”

       It terrified him that he was willing to put Beth in that kind of danger, but ever since he got shot, it had become harder and harder to deny the part of him that wanted everything with her. It scared the hell out of him. More than dying ever could. There was so much that could go wrong, but watching Judith call Beth ‘mama’ made his chest cave in. He saw how her eyes lit up for a split second before reality came crashing down on her. It hurt her every time and he wanted to take that pain away from her, but he couldn’t. She didn’t need to feel guilty, but he knew even Rick couldn’t ease that burden.

       But he could give her something. Seeing Beth with his child…it would destroy him. Just like when he got shot, he’d come back a different person. And maybe he’d come back better. He was nothing before the world ended and now, he had everything. He had family to lose. A home to lose. And somehow, he was willing to add a kid to that list.

       They rounded on the cabin when Abraham finally said, “Don’t give a monkey’s left nut how you live your life, but we got you. Both’a you. These assholes won’t know what hit’em.”

       Daryl nodded, a sense of appreciation filling him for the man next to him. As much as he irked him, he knew he meant well. He was loyal and he’d die for this group that they both called family. Daryl guessed that was a good a thing as any to have in common, because nothing else really mattered. With that thought in his head, he swung open the cabin door.

       It was a small run-down thing that was falling apart at the seams, but it worked perfectly fine as a drop off between Alexandria and the Kingdom. Abraham cleared the right and he cleared the left. It was just one room with two old foldable chairs, a table, and some rotting sleeping bags. All the empty cabinets and trunks were cleaned out a long time ago.

       Daryl walked to the table and ran his hand underneath it. His palm grazed over a lump. If Sasha, Aidan, and Aaron already left a message, that meant the Saviors had been to Alexandria. It meant they knew Simon’s group was dead. Good.

       He ripped the message from under the table. A small piece of paper rested in his hand. He quickly unfolded it as Abraham stood guard. He scanned the words on the page and his breathing stopped. The words sunk into his brain and he bellowed, “Get down!”

       A hailstorm of bullets rained down on them as they dove for the floor. Wood shards exploded everywhere. The message fluttered to the floor, long forgotten. Once the shooting stopped, silence settled over everything. Until it was broken by whistling. A two-note whistle rang out, creeping down his spine and turning his blood cold, but it told him one thing. There were only a handful of them outside and with one look at Abraham he knew, they were all about to die. Screaming.

       The message had been short and the handwriting clear: Negan sends his regards.

       Something had happened to Sasha, Aidan, and Aaron, because that was the only way they could know about this place. So, he had to assume they knew about the Kingdom too. A cold sort of rage flowed through him. This wasn’t about anything but separating them. Distracting them. Putting them off balance. They had to get back to the Kingdom before the Saviors got there. Abraham nodded at Daryl.

       They really underestimated who they were fucking with.

 

~

 

       They came as the sun dipped below the horizon. And they didn't come quietly. 

       It was like watching the world end for a third time. She remembered listening to the radio broadcasts on the farm when everything first started happening. Remembered seeing the beginning of the end on the television. They had been protected from the worst of it on the farm. Their own little haven that allowed her and her family to bury their heads in the sand. They were just sick people, right? Sick people that needed help. That just needed to hold on long enough for help to come. For a treatment to come that would cure them.

       The second time she watched her world collapse was her mama. The barn. All the bullets ripping through her family, her neighbors, her mom. Sofia. The bullets never touched her, but that's what it felt like when she realized her mama had been dead all that time. The way she viewed the world crumbled around her and it ended for the second time.

       Now, she was kneeling at the foot of the third. She knew before the worst had even started that she was about to witness her world end for a third time. And just like the other two times, she couldn't do a thing to stop it. She just had to watch and pray and rage and take it. There was no other way around it. She had to go through it and hope there was something left of herself worth salvaging on the other side.

       "Pissin' our pants yet? Boy, do I have feeling we're getting close."

Notes:

This was a mother load of a chapter! Whew, but you all got through it!

We start at Hilltop almost exactly where we left off last chapter. That executive decision Rick made on his own a few chapters back has come back to bite them in the ass...sort of. Ethan had to chop someone's head off (Gregory, may he rest in pieces lol) and exchange it for his brother, so he's really not in any stable condition to be leading. He is absolutely terrified of the Saviors. He knows the brutality they're capable of. I'm not going to say Ethan killing Tanaka was an accident, but I will say I think his character does feel a lot of guilt about it. But Sheppard was not going to let that slide. Sheppard, Noah, and Steven all harbor a lot of guilt for what happened at the hospital. Things went down a lot differently and there's a lot of trauma there that is being brought up by this situation with Ethan.

The scene between Beth and Daryl in the cafeteria has to be one of my favorite scenes I've written in a little bit. It was so much fun to write and I love diving deeper into their relationship with cute moments like that. We see a glimpse into Daryl's childhood and how shitty his dad was, but we also see how much he's grown into this relationship. He's not afraid to show Beth affection in front of others anymore, which still stuns Beth. They're just adorable!

Beth and the King finally get to talk one on one. I think Beth would immediately like the King, regardless of the decision he made (which is the same decisions he made in the show. I still think he wouldn't be convinced to fight without something forcing his hand.). She respects him and what he has built, which is why she still calls him 'your majesty' and 'King Ezekiel'. Beth calls bullshit, but she's a lot more subtle with it than Carol was in the show. I got to use some iconic lines from the show, so I was really happy with how their short interaction turned out.

We get an interesting conversation between Abraham and Daryl. I started out hating this scene and then ended up loving it. I think it's interesting to juxtapose their conversation with the brutality of the world that's still knocking on their door every second. Plus Abraham is nosy lol. He's our gossip king.

Well...Negan is here. And he is pissed. I'll see you next week :) All the love guys <3

Chapter 38: The Day Will Come

Notes:

Hello lovelies! All I'm going to say is: Deep breaths, keep calm, and everything is going to be all right. I promise. I am sending you guys all the hugs. But don't worry. Everything will work out :)

Come yell at me in the comments if you must. All the love <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       “We thought it was the only way. Or I did, at least. Knew I wouldn’t survive out here, so I just let it happen.”

       Steven took off his glasses and pulled out a small piece of cut cloth. Maggie watched him clean his already spotless glasses knowing he needed the act as a distraction. They were sitting at one of the tables near the trailers. Noah had his head bent down working on whittling down a piece of wood to make a spear. She hadn’t wanted to dredge up the past, but she needed to know so she could properly decide what to do with Sheppard.

       When he returned the glasses to his face, he continued, “But things just kept getting worse. The people in power were taking advantage…in the most despicable ways. And Dawn…she turned a blind eye because she didn’t want to rock the boat. They were her soldiers, but they despised her. So, they rebelled by seeing how far they could push her boundaries. Weren’t really any different than the Saviors. Maybe worse.

       Eventually, Sheppard, Tanaka, and a few of the others had enough. They spent weeks stashing supplies to overthrow Dawn and the others. Got the patients on their side. Me. It was a bloodbath. Not many of us were left, but enough to keep the place running after we banished Dawn and the worst of her disciples. We rebuilt and the hospital flourished. It turned into a place that actually helped and saved people. It turned into what it was intended to be in the first place. But we should have known. Dawn never took anything lying down. They came back shooting. It was like looking into the eyes of feral animals. There was no humanity left. They killed…and we fled.

       The thing is, before we overthrew Dawn, I was apart of that system. I killed for them, believing it was the only choice. But I was just a coward. Too afraid to lose what little security I had.”

       Maggie tried her best to keep her face neutral, but she wouldn’t lie. What Steven told her shocked her. Noah halted his whittling as Steven continued, “Sheppard didn’t want to make the same mistake twice. She’s not a bad person. Just broken.”

       She nodded. Her first instinct was to banish her. And she would be lying to herself if she said she hadn’t considered the political benefits of that. The people of Hilltop were rattled by Sheppard’s actions. They whispered about cruelty and derangement. However, from what Tara was telling her, the people found comfort in the decision Maggie had made in the moment when she turned her gun on Sheppard. Maggie wasn’t sure how far that action would get her into the good graces of the people of Hilltop, but she wouldn’t lie and say she hadn’t considered banishing Sheppard just to appease them further.

       But that’s not who they were. Not who she was. Ethan had killed one of Sheppard’s family. Maggie couldn’t imagine what kind of hell she’d rain down if Glenn had been killed in front of her. She couldn’t blame her for killing Ethan. He was holding Hilltop hostage and Sheppard had taken care of the problem. Maggie knew people could change. She saw it with her own eyes. Her daddy, Beth, Carol, Rick. The list was endless.

       She had changed. Sheppard needed community right now. Not isolation. But she also had to think about the others she almost killed. So, Maggie finally said, “You know her best. What would ya have me do? Can she work with the others? Do I gotta be afraid she’ll come after ‘em if I decide they should stay?”

       Noah answered this time, “Ethan is dead. She took out the threat. I don’t think she’ll be a danger to anyone else. I know she drew on the others, but she didn’t pull the trigger. If there was a moment where she would’ve, it would’ve been that one. And the moment’s passed. Now she’ll finally start to learn out how to live without him.”

       Maggie nodded, “Let’s hope so.”

 

~

 

       Her baby hairs stuck to her temples as Beth clawed through the dirt. The final rays of sunlight lit the garden spread out before her. She forgot how calming working in a garden could be. The last time she remembered getting down and dirty in the dirt was back at the prison. And that didn’t last long. She was either too busy with Judith, killing walkers at the fence, or generally working around the prison. It was the first time in a long time that her hands were doing something to help life grow rather than take it away. The burden she constantly felt lightened as she replanted the tomato plants into the ground.

       The tomatoes would continue growing and eventually feed the people of the Kingdom. She was doing something good for once. The part of her that spoke in Daryl’s voice told her she only did what she had to, but Beth had choices. She always had a choice. And she’d chosen to kill for her family. She didn’t regret it, but it made her heavier. But that was how everything was now. Heavy and dark.

       She swept her braid over her shoulder before she moved the plant into the hole she just dug. As she was packing in the dirt, a human shaped shadow fell over her, “Beth?”

       Her head turned to see Mika, standing next to her. A mildly concerned look was painted on her face, “Hey, ya alright?”

       Beth took her gardening gloves off and set them down next to her, turning her attention towards her. Mika looked flustered as she gathered her words, glancing around like she was checking there was no one around to hear. Whatever was on her mind was obviously something that meant a lot to her, so she gave her room to think without pushing for an answer.

       Eventually, Mika spoke, “How’d you know you loved Daryl?”

       She tried to keep the surprise from her face, not wanting to scare her off, but of all the things she could’ve asked, that wouldn’t have even broken the top twenty. Mika’s eyes were so focused on her, waiting for an answer, so she held her tongue about asking why she wanted to know. She guessed she would figure it out soon enough.

       Even the mention of Daryl sent a wave of warmth through her, followed by the stress of him being gone. Keeping busy had helped, but the sun was starting to set and she was only getting more worried. Beth looked down at her ring, snuggly fit on her finger, “I never wanted ta be without him. An’ one day, it all just clicked. Don’t think that’s how it happens for everyone, but that’s how it was for me.”

       “How did you know he loved you?” Mika asked, an urgency in her voice.

       Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. This was something deeper than just curiosity. Mika had to be around twelve now, so it made sense she would be curious, but this was something more. “By the way he treated me.”

       The girl looked away, watching her foot slide around in the dirt, “And now you’re married.”

       “An’ now we’re married,” Beth repeated as confirmation, “Everythin’ alright? Ya know you can talk ta me. ‘Bout anythin’. Carol too.” Mika nodded, but she didn’t look convinced, so she added, “I promise you’ll feel better if ya talk ‘bout it. Doesn’t have to be right now, but whenever you’re ready.”

       The girl glanced behind her one last time before turning back towards her, “Carl…I think—"

       Then, the Kingdom erupted. Beth ducked to cover Mika as the gates of the Kingdom blew open in a burst of fire and fury. Her ears rang with the sheer violence of it. They were far enough away that the debris didn’t affect them, but she couldn’t say the same for the guards at the wall. Screams pierced the air around her as people scattered away from the explosion looking for cover. As Beth looked towards the gates to see what happened, she watched helplessly as truckloads of Saviors poured through the gates, weapons raised and ready to kill. It was like a plague descending and spreading. Nothing could be done. There were too many.

       In a matter of seconds, the peace this community cultivated was ravaged by mayhem and chaos. Even the sky seemed to darken with the intrusion. And the Kingdom wasn't ready. Not for an assault like this. Her body was frozen as her brain tried to decide what to do. The trucks had moved in, Saviors dispatching any Kingdom soldiers that tried to fight back. Eventually, they’d realize fighting wasn’t a viable option. But above all else, she heard Mika crying beneath her. It broke her out of her frozen state.

       Beth looked down at the girl she’d just been comforting and words came rushing out of her mouth, "Go. Find a hidin’ spot and don't come out. No matter what ya hear, Mika. Keep your gun ready. Ya hear me? Go."

       Mika didn't argue, but the look in her eyes told Beth she didn't want to leave. She got up from the ground and Beth practically shoved her towards the nearest building, trying her best to cover her as she ran. Once she saw her make it out of sight, Beth focused her attention on the chaos. Five or six trucks had made it into the Kingdom. The Saviors had the upper hand. The minute they blew open the gates it was over. Her eyes scanned the area, assessing her best option, when they narrowed in on Rick and Carl, who were crouched behind the gazebo that overlooked the main area of the Kingdom. She ran towards them without a second thought, while keeping one eye on the Saviors pouring out of the parked trucks.

       Why were they here? Were they here for them? They couldn't have known unless one of Simon's people made it out of Alexandria. That meant she killed that boy for nothing. It didn’t matter. Not now. The Saviors didn’t know their faces. At least not all of them. Maybe they weren’t here for them at all. Maybe the King’s deal had gone bad. But she knew that was wishful thinking. Wherever they went, destruction followed.

       Beth glanced around and saw that the Kingdom had been subdued in minutes. Only a select few of the Kingdom’s soldiers knew about the Saviors. Everyone else had been blindsided. The Saviors had the whole community hostage.

       A man she didn’t recognize, sauntered out of the passenger side of one of the trucks. He was tall and thin with an air of authority and arrogance wrapped around him. A barbed wire bat rested on his shoulder as he approached the middle of the dirt road that went through the community. As the sun slowly dipped below the horizon, the truck headlights illuminated the King as he stepped out to meet him. Richard was in step behind him. They were cornered. Nowhere to run. And the King was coming face to face with the exact threat he had wished to keep at bay.

       An alarming smile spread across the man’s face as Ezekiel approached, “Ezekiel. It’s been too long. Thought I’d stop by. Say hi. I was in the neighborhood and thought we needed to have a little chat.”

       The King’s back was to her, but from his rigid posture she could guess how much anger he was trying to hold in, “We had a deal. We have upheld our end of the bargain and yet,” he gestured towards the gates’ smoldering cinders. An immense amount of worry filled her when she realized how much his kingly presence had disappeared. He was afraid. And so was she. This wasn’t just some normal house call. Something was deeply wrong.

       The man pointed his bat at him, hips jutted forward as he walked closer, “A little birdy told me you’re keepin’ secrets. But I’m a reasonable guy, so I came straight to the source to ask myself.” He circled Ezekiel slowly, observing the rest of the Kingdom cowering in his wake, “Where are they?”

       Beth’s heart dropped. Each one of his words pierced into her head like a pickaxe. And a sick feeling cascaded over her in waves. The Saviors were here for them.

       “Who?” The King was a good actor, but there was no way out of this. They had brought this on the Kingdom. Now, they would all pay for what they had done.

       “Don’t. Make. Me. Ask again. Give them up and not a single hair on any of your people’s heads will be touched. Including this one,” he gestured his bat towards Richard.

       A heavy silence fell over everything. The blood pounding in her ears was so loud she had to strain to hear the conversation. Her eyes were zeroed in on Ezekiel’s back. She watched as he shifted and stood taller, “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”

       The minute the words left his mouth, she knew it was a mistake. As grateful as she was that he lied for them, the ever-widening smile on the man’s face told her how wrong of an answer that truly was. He raised his arm and snapped a leather gloved hand behind him. A few of his men immediately jumped into action. They threw open the back doors of a black van. She watched in horror as they pulled three people from the back by the scruff of their shirts.

       The first one she could barely recognize as a person. He was completely blood soaked. His face was cut up and his lip and eye were swollen up double their size, but the most disturbing part was he was missing his left arm below the elbow. It was recently cut off because a bloody homemade torniquet was still wrapped around the stump. The man looked like he was drifting between life and death.

       She flinched as they threw him to the ground in front of Ezekiel. He crumpled to the dirt, no energy or will left to keep himself upright. Then, Beth saw the other two people they pulled from the truck and a silent scream died on her lips. Her whole body erupted in panic and pain.

       Aidan and Sasha were thrown down next to the other man, who she now knew was Aaron.

       Aidan looked beat up, but not nearly as bad as Aaron. Sasha looked like no one had laid a hand on her, but the vacant look in her eyes told her enough. They broke her. Beth’s hand reached out to grip onto anything to try and ground her in this fear. Her fingers closed around Carl’s forearm. The darkness that had fallen made it difficult to see him properly, but it wasn’t enough to mask the anger she saw simmering behind his eyes.

       “Where’s my right-hand man?” The man’s voice made her attention shift back to the horrors unfolding in front of her. She started to shake. What were they supposed to do? They weren’t getting out of this. How were they going to survive this?

       One of the Saviors disappeared into the back of one of their utility trucks. She heard before she saw the snapping and growls of a walker. Appearing out of the truck was Simon. Surprise and terror flooded her veins. Did Rick not get his brain properly? And then Rick’s words came back to her: He’ll be somethin’ worse. Rick finished it, but not fully. He wanted him to suffer even in death. Forever doomed to roam the Earth as a dead man walking. Now it was coming back to haunt them. She looked over at Rick, who had gone ashen. His eyes glued to the scene in front of him.

       The Savior guided Simon towards Negan using some sort of pole with a claw at the end of it. His arms were tied to his body with a cable so he couldn’t flail out and grab anyone. The Savior passed the pole to the leader as Ezekiel took a step away to get out of the walker’s range. The leader held Simon at bay as he snapped his jaw at Aaron, lying nearly unconscious on the ground.

       Beth was going to be sick. She couldn’t lose them all. Bile came up at the back of her throat, urged on by the constant terror stirring in her gut. The leader practically held Simon over Aaron. And his voice boomed out over the Kingdom, louder than it should have been, “Rick and all you other sorry sacks of shit, get out here or Aaron goes from nearly dead to dead dead! And if that’s not motivation enough. I got two others here to convince you. I’m usually not one to kill a woman, but if it comes down to that…I will. Do not make me go back on my rules! And don’t even think of tryin’ to pull a fast one. I know exactly how many’a you are here. Sasha saw to that.”

       She sucked in a breath. There was no choice. Beth looked to Rick for guidance and he looked as devastated and lost a she did, but he stood, holstering his gun. They couldn’t let Aaron, Aidan, and Sasha down more than they already had. Carl stood next and Beth followed. Her hand was still clutching his forearm, but she let it drop to her side. They walked towards the middle of the Kingdom. When she glanced around, she saw the most of the Saviors were holding the people of the Kingdom at gunpoint. Men, women, children. As they got closer, Beth saw Michonne, Carol, Gabriel, Rosita, Tyreese, and Eugene walk out of the shadows towards the Saviors and their idea of revenge.

       Because that’s what this was, wasn’t it? Their demise. Their consequences.

       The second they were all standing in front of the leader, who she now had no doubt was Negan, they were dispatched of their weapons. Silence crept through her bones until Negan said, “Kneel.”

       It was a pure command. Slowly, Beth got to her knees. Her eyes drifted up directly in front of her and she made eye contact with Aidan. Her heart nearly burst as she looked at him. They were out of time. She thought she’d have more time to mend things between them. Apologize for the cruel things she’d said out of anger and grief, but now it was too late. Unshed tears gathered in her eyes as she realized this could be it for them all.

       It was like watching the world end for a third time. She remembered listening to the radio broadcasts on the farm when everything first started happening. Remembered seeing the beginning of the end on the television. They had been protected from the worst of it on the farm. Their own little haven that allowed her and her family to bury their heads in the sand. They were just sick people, right? Sick people that needed help. That just needed to hold on long enough for help to come. For a treatment to come that would cure them.

       The second time she watched her world collapse was her mama. The barn. All the bullets ripping through her family, her neighbors, her mom. Sofia. The bullets never touched her, but that's what it felt like when she realized her mama had been dead all that time. The way she viewed the world crumbled around her and it ended for the second time.

       Now, she was kneeling at the foot of the third. She knew before the worst had even started that she was about to witness her world end for a third time. And just like the other two times, she couldn't do a thing to stop it. She just had to watch and pray and rage and take it. There was no other way around it. She had to go through it and hope there was something left of herself worth salvaging on the other side.

       "Pissin' our pants yet? Boy, do I have feeling we're gettin’ close. It's gonna be pee-pee pants city here real soon," he shoved the walker into the hands of a waiting Saviors as he walked the length of the line they had created, looking at each of them until he stopped in front of Rick, “Hi. You're Rick, right? I'm Negan. And I do not appreciate you killin' my men. Not cool. You have no idea how not cool that shit is. But I think you're gonna be up to speed shortly.” He paused, his eyes scanning them all before landing back on Rick, “You are so gonna regret crossin' me in a few minutes.” A smile appeared on Negan’s face, "Yes you are."

       He held up his bat, like he was displaying it for their amusement, "This is Lucille and she is awesome. She will be picking out which one of you gets the honor. I mean, you didn’t really think that you were gonna get through this without being punished, now, did you? I don't want to kill you people. Well, at least, not all of you people. I want you to work for me. You can't do that if you're dead, now, can you? But you killed my people. A whole damn lot of them. More than I'm comfortable with. And my right-hand, Simon, here was worth at least three of you. And for that, for that you're gonna pay. So, now...I'm gonna beat the holy hell out of one of you."

       Negan raised his bat pointing it towards them. Everyone seemed to be collectively holding their breath. And there was nothing any of them could do except let it happen. This was their punishment.

       Beth thought he'd make a spectacle out of choosing, but he didn't. He walked the line and it seemed his calm demeanor started to melt away. It was replaced by barely contained anger and something she could only describe as urgency. His eyebrows dipped downward slightly and his lips became a thin line. Every once in a while, his eyes darted to something behind them, like he was waiting for something to come at him. He walked the line twice, stopping in front of each of them before pausing at her. She broke eye contact with Aidan and looked up at him, straight in the eye. 

       A small smile crept on his face as his gaze triangulated between her, Aidan, and something on the ground underneath her. Beth's stomach rolled at the sight. Her fingers dug into the dirt below her. Her ring cutting into her finger. If she died, she'd be breaking her promise to Daryl. She didn't want to leave him. Leave this family. Not yet. Maybe her time was just up. But Negan turned his back on her and walked back to the left. He stopped in front of Tyreese. Her heart stopped as Negan pointed his bat towards him. All Tyreese did was raise up on his knees. Never breaking eye contact with Negan. 

       And Negan smiled. "Anybody moves, anybody says anything, let Simon go to town on this one over here," Negan points to Aaron, "You can breathe. You can blink. You can cry. Hell, you're all gonna be doin' that."

       Beth's breath caught in her chest and the blood pounding in her ears was almost painful. This couldn't be how it ended. Please. Her hands dug into the ground, if she looked down, she knew she'd see blood dripping from her scrapped fingertips. This couldn't be how this ended. Beth tried to catch her breath, but she couldn't.

       Then the bat came down on his head.

 

 

~

 

 

       “Go.”

       Daryl stood and took aim out the shattered cabin window. He immediately identified five Saviors all slowly approaching the cabin. He lined up the shot and pulled the trigger. His bolt flew through the air and thudded into the forehead of the Savior closest to the cabin.

       Abraham laid down fire, spraying them down with no mercy. Then, there was nothing. Silence. Even cicadas stopped humming. Daryl peaked out the bottom corner of the window and saw three bodies on the ground. He shifted slightly trying to get a better look when a bullet whizzed right past his head. It was followed by bursts of gunfire all aimed around the area of the window. After it subsided, Abraham peaked, “Shit. They’re runnin’.”

       Cowards. “We finish it,” Daryl nearly growled. Abraham nodded as he reloaded his gun. They both exited the cabin, sights set on ending the threat. He wasn’t about to let the Saviors have another advantage over them. Not if he had something to do about it. They’d finish it and get back to the Kingdom to warn them.

       Images of Beth flashed in his mind as they closed the distance between them and the two other Saviors. A helpless feeling threatened to overtake him, but he pushed it down. She was a survivor. She was strong. They’d make it through this. Flashes of her killing that Savior on the stairs entered his mind, a sick sense of pride filled him. She was strong.

       She’d make it. That was the only option he’d accept.

 

 

~

 

 

       Beth remembered there was a fleeting moment where she envied the dead. The people that were buried in Alexandria. That feeling was no longer fleeting. It barreled into her with every crunch and squelch of the bat coming down on Tyreese’s head. It rang in her heart and soul with every sob coming from Sasha as she watched her brother get beat to death. It solidified more and more with every gleeful laugh that echoed around them from Negan.

       She couldn’t look, but with every thwack she flinched a little harder and everything shut down. Warm tears spilled from her eyes, tracking down her face and neck. Her eyes zoned out somewhere on the ground near Aidan. She couldn’t do this.

       It seemed like it took hours before the thudding stopped. A low, vile laugh escaped Negan as a whooshing sound entered her ears, “He just took one or six or seven for the team! So, take a damn—”

       “Tyreese!”

       A voice screeched from behind them all. A true sound of fear escaped her chest as she heard Mika scream. Her head finally turned to see a hysterical Mika running for Tyreese. Beth hadn’t looked until this point, but what she saw made her gag. Tyreese’s body laid flat on the ground, but where his head should be, all she saw was red, lumpy slug. All his memories, all his pain, everything he ever was, was splattered on the ground for all to see. Beth tried to move to get to Mika, but her legs wouldn’t work. Before Carol could do anything, a Savior grabbed Mika, making sure she didn’t get too close. Her gun tumbled from her hands as she wailed for Tyreese.

       Her screams would haunt Beth even in the grave. The fear in Rick’s tear ridden eyes made the panic come back full force after she tried blocking everything out. His voice boomed as he said, “Just stop this!”

       Beth thought for a moment she saw a look of regret pass Negan’s face as he looked at Mika, “Get her outta here.”

       The Savior started dragging her away back towards where she came. Carol tried reaching for her, but a Savior behind them dug the barrel of his gun into her back. When Negan’s focus turned on Rick, that brief look of regret vanished and when it did everything happened so fast. With Negan clearly distracted by the intrusion on his plans, Carl lunged for Mika’s fallen gun and aimed it at Negan.

       “No!” Beth yelled as she watched the inevitable happen. A shot rang out and a growl of pain followed. She hadn’t realized, but she had shut her eyes. When she opened them, she saw Rick lunged out in front of Carl and the gun that had been in his hand was scattered on the ground to the left. Her head whipped to Negan who was cradling his right shoulder. It looked like the bullet just skimmed him.

       Beth put two and two together. Rick had stopped Carl from killing Negan.

       A bizarre look of admiration took over Negan’s face as he pulled his bloody hand away from his shoulder, “Excuse the shit out of my goddamn French, but…did you just try to kill me?”

       And that’s when she saw it. There was admiration as he looked at Carl, but also an unhinged rage that made her blood run cold. Her breathing started picking up as Negan waved his hand behind him, never once taking his eyes off Carl, “Gary, you got a knife on you?”

       The Savior standing behind Sasha and Aidan walked forward, “Yeah, boss.”

       Negan gestured him over. The Savior stood next to him in front of Carl as Negan continued, “Listen, kid, you were havin’ an emotional moment. I get it… But you tried to kill me. And that shit will not slide. I need you all to know me.” Beth held her breath as she waited for the consequences. “Gary, cut his eye out. Let’s see how well the kid can aim after that.”

       A collective wave of shock electrified the group. Rick nearly cried, “No, it can be me! Please!”

       Negan shook his head, “Contrary to what you might think, this isn’t about you, Rick. This is between me and the little future serial killer.”

       Gary seemed to hesitate slightly, but one look from Negan and he was approaching Carl. “Please!” Rick yelled in anguish.

       “Hey! Do not make me kill the little future serial killer. Do not make it easy on me,” Negan cut back, “Kid’s gonna be fine. They have a great doctor here at the Kingdom, don’t you, Ezekiel?”

        The King was trembling out of rage, fear, shock, grief? She wasn’t sure, but the look on his face was that of someone who realized they really didn’t know anything. Beth watched as Gary took Carl’s jaw into his hand. Before anyone could protest further Carl spit out, “Do it.”

        A choked gasp left her body as she watched the knife swipe across his right eye. It was quick and for a second Beth wondered if he had even done it in the first place. But then the moans of pain filled the clearing and Carl hunched over clutching his eye. Blood poured from the wound, dripping between his fingers. It splattered to the ground, mixing with the dirt beneath it.

       Mika’s hoarse voice somewhere off behind them yelled for Carl now. And all any of them could do was watch. Beth had never felt more helpless than she had right now. She was in a never-ending nightmare that she couldn’t wake from. She had watched Carl grow up and wherever her love for Judith came from, it screamed in pain looking at Carl now.

       Negan walked back over towards Simon, “So…back to it. Last order of business before I let you good folks start providin’ for me… Who killed my right-hand?”

       Beth barely heard him. All she could hear was Carl and all she could see was Tyreese. But Negan persisted, “Do not make me ask again!”

       She flinched, her body short circuiting from all the adrenaline, shock, and pain. That’s when she heard the growls of Simon get louder. She raised her head up to see Negan dragging Simon towards her. Beth didn’t recoil. She felt too heavy. Too drained. Too ready to leave this world.

       “I want an answer or—”

       “It was me,” Aidan said. Despite everything his voice was strong. Her eyes darted up towards him, widening in fear. Negan turned towards him, a new smile growing on his face. And she realized in that moment that he had threatened her to get Aidan to confess specifically. She wasn’t sure why, but Negan was gunning for him. A new fear coated her nerves as she realized they weren’t dealing with someone that was just barbaric and cruel, but also cunning and intelligent.

       Beth watched as Aidan scanned the people all kneeling in front of him, helpless and in anguish. Until his eyes landed on her. And she was crying, because this wasn't supposed to be it. They were supposed to have more time. Guilt hit her full force when she realized the last thing she'd said to him, "Ain't given up. Just takin' a break."

       Aidan rose on his knees, determination in his eyes. Never once did he give Negan the satisfaction of looking scared or even the respect of looking up at him. The acceptance in his eyes was what make Beth finally let out a sob. He shook his head almost imperceptibly at her, like he was trying to tell her not to worry.

       His last words left his lips, "Dolor hic tibi proderit olim."

       Beth didn’t turn away this time. She would be with him until the very end. And she waited for the bat to come down on his head, but it never did. Instead, Negan pushed Simon towards Aidan and his gnashing jaw clamped down on his throat. A scream left her lips and her sanity wasn’t far behind.

       Negan wanked Simon back, the flesh of Aidan’s throat still in its teeth. The walker seemed to be newly invigorated after having taste its meal. The blood drained from Aidan’s neck, but it was the gurgling noises that were the worst. Her eyes were blurry as she watched the life drain from him. He’d dropped into the dirt. His face smashed against the ground as he tried to hold his shredded jugular back into his neck. That’s when the spasms started. Beth wanted to reach for him, but the gun at pointed at the back of her head told her not to. This was worse than one of her nightmares. Wave after wave of pain cascaded over her, making her body nearly convulse as she sobbed.

       Eventually, she watched Aidan go limp. She almost thanked God, because she couldn’t imagine the pain. He could rest now. She hadn’t realized that she was muttering his name over and over again like a prayer, hoping it would take him safely to the other side. Another gunshot pierced her ears and her head whipped up to see Simon crumble to the ground. Negan put his gun back in his waistband as he turned towards her again.

       Negan blocked her view of Aidan, crouching down in front of her, “Oh, was that...was that your husband?”

       Beth shook and something snapped. Her survival instincts disappeared. All that filled her was rage and hatred and guilt. Something possessed her and took over her body as Beth looked up at Negan and spit in his face.

       All the phlegm gathered from her crying and sobbing darted into his face. She felt everyone around her draw in a collective breath and hold it. She didn't care. Her friend laid dead a couple feet from her. None of it mattered anymore. She lost two family members and another had been irreparably damaged.

       Negan reared back, his gloved hand wiping the spit from his cheek and nose. A smile formed on his face as he looked at her, “Load this one up.” He stood and looked to everyone else, “If I get so much as a whiff of Alexandria and Kingdom workin’ together, I will send her back to you in pieces.” She didn’t fight as two of the Saviors yanked her from the ground. Negan threw Lucille over his non-injured shoulder as he looked to Rick, “Your first payment is in a week. Find me something interesting. Oh, and one more thing.”

       Quicker than a lightning strike, bang. Beth flinched away from the sound of a bullet leaving the chamber of Negan’s gun. Her eyes followed the trajectory of the bullet and she saw Richard slump to the ground next to Ezekiel. A bullet hole clear in his forehead. Negan put the gun back in his waistband, “Never liked him.”

       Beth’s horror ran deep as she let the Saviors load her up in the front of one of the trucks. As she looked into the rearview mirror at her devastated family, she tunneled down into her rage and hatred. The bodies of her friends and family flashing in her mind. Tyreese, Aidan, Carl, Richard. She thought she envied the dead. And she did. Maybe she would join them before ever seeing her family again. But she swore, she’d kill them all before that happened.

       She’d kill Negan. She didn’t care what she would lose to do it. But she would kill him, but not before he watched his empire burn around him.

 

~

 

       Daryl didn't see her. What he did see was bodies. Bodies that used to belong to Tyreese, Aidan, and what looked like Richard. He saw Sasha curled up over her brother's body. Saw Mika struggling against Carol like her little body couldn't handle or contain the grief she was experiencing. He saw Rick and Michonne kneeling next to Carl, who had a bloody hand held up to one side of his face. He saw the King staring absent-mindedly at Richard's body, thinly veiled anger hiding underneath the surface. Saw the Kingdom’s doctor kneeling down next to Aaron, Gabriel and Rosita helping as much as they could. But he didn't see Beth.

       Rick caught his eye and the look on his face made dread fill his whole being, but he asked the question anyways, "Where's she?"

       A desolate look overtook his face. His eyes filled with unshed tears, but he didn't reply. Daryl's dread only grew. Sickness taking hold. She was dead. He needed to hear him say it out loud. Hear him say how he failed and now he had to live with it, "Where's my fuckin' wife?"

       He had to hear him say it. He deserved it.

       Rick shook his head, "She's alive. We're gonna get her back."

       His words hit him in the chest. He nearly gave himself whiplash as his head snapped to him. She was alive. The panic was still there because that look hadn't left Rick's face. Things weren't registering in his mind, but he knew Rick wasn't telling him everything, "What the fuck're you talkin' 'bout? Where is she?"

       Rick took in a sharp breath, but he didn't look away from him. Not once. "Negan. He has her."

       There was nothing. The void was so open and dark. It kept expanding until it encompassed everything. The little hope he had that she wasn’t dead was immediately crushed. And for a split second he wished she was dead. The words had barely registered when Daryl threw his crossbow over his shoulder and started stalking back towards the gates of the Kingdom. He wasn’t going to do nothing. He promised he would protect her. Keep her safe. Now, she was in the hands of the enemy. He’d kill them all, slowly, if they touched one hair on her head. Even if they just breathed in her direction, he’d kill them all.

       “Daryl!” A hand closed around his upper arm. He reared away from it, yanking back. Daryl turned to see Rick, a fearful, but determined look in his eyes. Rick stared into him, hand up hovering near his shoulder, “We'll get her back, but not like this. If you go now, neither of you are gonna make it back. Don't do this. You aren't just puttin' yourself in danger. You're puttin' her in danger.”

       Daryl couldn’t hear him. Everything he was saying just sounded like ‘Give up. Let her go’ to him. And that wasn’t an option. They took her and he was going to get her back. Damn the consequences. He’d burn them all. Fear unlike any other coursed through him and fueled his anger. Daryl started stalking away, but before he got too far, he felt an arm wrap around his neck. His hands automatically went up towards his throat, trying to pull the arm away, but it persisted.

       It became increasing more difficult to breath and Rick tightened his hold around his neck. Daryl struggled against him, clawing at the back of his head.

       “Listen to me, brother! They’ll kill her. Don’t do this. I promise, we’ll get her back, but we have to be smart about it.”

       All Daryl heard was: they’ll kill her. Defeat overtook him. That’s all he needed to hear to stop fighting. Once he did, Rick eased up. Unshed tears gathered in his eyes as he pushed him away, throwing his crossbow to his feet. Too many emotions swirled in him and he couldn’t keep them at bay. He had let her down. He wasn’t there to stop it.

       Daryl finally got a good look at Rick. He didn’t look broken like he thought he would. Not like how he felt. It made him pause. He looked angry and unhinged. There was hell in his eyes. That only caused a new inferno to start kindling inside him. Daryl glanced behind him at the carnage Negan left in his wake.

       All Rick said was, “We’ll kill them all.”

       Daryl didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. He promised Rick a long time ago that if anything like this happened, they’d kill everyone. His chest heaved from the anger, the fear, and from Rick nearly choking him out. And it finally hit him how many people they’d lost. Who they lost. Daryl scooped up his crossbow, ready to go dig more graves, but he turned back to Rick and said, “Chokehold’s illegal, asshole.”

       His voice wavered, choked by the emotions sitting in the back of his throat. But it was a confirmation that he was with him. Daryl walked towards the carnage, letting it overtake him. They’d pay for what they took from them just like all the assholes that came before them.

Notes:

I'm dedicating this entire endnotes section to explain the reasoning behind all the choices I made in this chapter, because MANY choices were made. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask.

1) The chapter title is "The Day Will Come". The original title of 7x01 is "The Day Will Come When You Won't Be" referring to what Dr. Jenner said to Rick. I cut down the title in half because we are not fully broken. This day did not take away our people's gratefulness that they got a chance to keep trying during the season 1 finale.

2) Negan does NOT have the upper hand here. Although it may seem like he does, he is still on someone else's turf. He was knocked off his game because of Simon's death. His ego and rage got in the way and made him rash. He made a mistake by bursting into the Kingdom like that. In the show he cultivated a very smart trap that isolated our group and made sure he had all the power. This didn't happen here.

3) Negan killed Tyreese for the same reasons he killed Abraham. He was defiant and the anger he saw in Tyreese was something he was scared of. Now, Negan doesn't waste time doing the "eeny meeny" game because of reason #2. He's on someone else's turf and he feels a sense of urgency to get this over with and get out.

4) Negan takes Carl's eye for several reason. Similarly to when Rosita tried to shoot him in 7x08, he's enraged that someone tried to kill him. The consequences for that was Olivia being killed and Eugene being taken. Here he was kind of backed into a corner, there needed to be a punishment, but he wasn't going to kill Carl (cause he's a kid still). So, he took his eye. Negan sees it as somewhat of a mercy because he doesn't want Carl to live with the guilt of his actions getting another one of his family members killed. Negan sees that as a small mercy. He also wasn't going to make Rick take his son's eye, because Rick saved his life by interrupting the shot.

5) Negan kills Aidan even though he knows he's probably not the one that killed Simon, because he sees the leader in him and the willingness to sacrifice for his people. And I think there was this sick idea that he wanted to widow Beth. Because his whole goal was to break the group. He thought that was another way to do it. Except he made a wrong assumption, obviously.

6) Negan kills Richard because the King lied. That was his punishment. Also Negan mentioned, Simon was worth 3 people. So this lineup scene was always going to end with 3 people dead.

7) Lastly, I always wondered what would have happened if Negan chose the wrong people to kill during the lineup. He is a very perceptive and intelligent person, but in this case his judgement was clouded by anger and a rash desire for revenge. In the show, choosing Glenn was what broke the group (minus Rick being threatened with having to cut Carl's arm off). Although I love Tyreese and Aidan, those two people dying wouldn't break the WHOLE group. They wouldn't break Rick. It's still a tragedy, but it doesn't have the same power. Basically, Negan chose wrong.

8) Negan takes Beth for the same reason he took Daryl. She had the balls to stand up to him. And he likes the challenge of breaking people that are strong. Also there's sort of the same fascination with her that he had with Maggie on the show. The widow type connection thing that he was a bit obsessed with in the show.

9) Finally, I chose to have Daryl not be at the lineup for a couple reasons. I was curious how it would go down if he wasn't there. And frankly, he didn't fit in my idea of the lineup. Daryl is a very reactionary person, so I needed him to not be there. So him and Abraham went to the checkpoint, which makes sense anyways. The end scene with Daryl is him fully compartmentalizing everything he sees and only focusing on the fact that Beth is gone. It hasn't really hit him yet that Tyreese and Aidan are dead and Carl is severely injured.

I know this was a very rough chapter, but thank you all so much for the love and support. I promise everything will work out. Don't worry. It's just a little dark right now. All the love <3

Chapter 39: Who Are You?

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I am so beyond excited to be posting this chapter. I am going to be keeping this short and sweet just know, I cannot wait to hear what you all think!

Come chat with me in the comments. All the love <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       "Daddy, where's Daryl?" Beth asked as she haphazardly yanked on her boots.

       Hershel responded over the running water of the sink, "Outside with your mother.”

       "Thought we were havin' breakfast first?" She entered the kitchen, throwing her hair into a ponytail to get it out of her face. Hershel was still at the sink looking out the windows. The creak of the floorboards underneath her boots alerted him to her presence.

       "We were, but you know your mother. When somethin' needs to be done, it’ll be done sooner than later. Daryl's out there with her," he gestured out the windows.

       Beth walked closer towards them and heard a faint rhythmic pounding coming from outside. Daryl was hammering some nails into one of her mother’s old flower boxes as she shoveled fresh dirt into it. For a second, Beth was mesmerized by Daryl as something her mother said made him smirk. He wasn’t someone that smiled often. She never begrudged him for it. It just made it all the more special when he did. Now, she was watching him openly talk with her mama, which wasn’t something he had been comfortable with until recently.

       Enough Greene family dinners would do that to anyone. It took him longer to warm up to daddy. Beth wouldn’t lie and say she hadn’t been nervous to bring him home for the first time. Not because she was worried about Daryl, but because of how her folks might make him feel like he didn’t belong. Her daddy was protective of her. She was the baby of the family after all, but that didn’t mean she would never grow up. Beth had been afraid Hershel would take one look at Daryl and judge him. Judge them.

        She had talked with her mama before the meeting. Confided in her about all her fears. All she said was, “Don’t worry ‘bout him. I’ll handle your daddy.”

       Hershel had been quiet that first dinner. Only speaking when he was encouraged by Annette, but she knew Daryl could feel the tension coming off him in waves. After dinner he went up to bed early and her, her mama, and Daryl all sat in the living room to chat. It started lighthearted and relaxed, until her mama finally addressed the elephant in the room, “It won’t be easy. Ya both know that, right? You prepared for that?”

       Surprisingly, Daryl beat her to an answer, “Nothin’ good ever came easy. Not for me. But this…”

       Beth finished his sentence as he looked over at her, “It’s simple.” The reverence in Daryl’s eyes made her cheeks start to flush, so she turned back to her mother, “Everythin’ else…we’ll get through it together.” She watched her mama look between them both and when her serious expression melted into a warm smile, Beth’s heart soared. Her approval meant everything to her. She’d just have to work on her daddy.

        Now, in the kitchen with her daddy, she stood watching her husband knowing Hershel loved him like a son. She saw how much his love meant to Daryl. For the longest time, he had a hard time believing it. Beth thought he had finally understood when he went to ask her daddy permission to marry her. He had told her everything after the fact.

       It had been a warm night even for a Georgia summer. The cicadas were humming in the distance punctuated by the flashing of fireflies. They were on the porch and she knew Daryl must have been out of his mind with nerves, but he still said, “I wanna ask Beth ta marry me. But…if ya say no, that’ll be the end’a it. Won’t go against ya. An’ I won’t get between you an’ her.”

       Hershel had been quiet for a second, but when he finally spoke it was like a bomb had been dropped on them both. “No man is good enough for your little girl. Until one is,” Hershel rested his hand on his shoulder, his words coming out thick, “You’re like my own son, Daryl…You have my blessing.”

 

       Beth was dreaming with her eyes open. When staring into the darkness too long, things started to take shape. They blended and bent into an escape. Because her reality had become too haunting. The cold concrete floor of her prison gave little reprieve from the memories of Aidan’s silent screams. His last words played over and over again in her head. She heard them so clearly over the wet thudding of the bat coming down on Tyreese’s head and Carl’s screams of pain. She was locked in a dark, cold cell, but there were worse prisons that she couldn’t escape.

       So, she let the darkness bend into light, hoping it would take her away from this place. Hoping it would let her disappear. She created a world where happiness wasn’t won by killing. Surviving. Where it could be simple and it didn’t come at a cost. She let it envelop her until she couldn’t feel the hard floor underneath her. Until she couldn’t hear the droplets of water hitting the floor near her feet. Until she didn’t hear the screams or the growls or the thwacks. Until she couldn’t see the look on Sasha’s face. On Mika’s face. On Rick’s face. Until she forgot the name Negan.

 

       They’d get looks, but it didn’t matter. The people that loved them knew. Her family knew. Maggie liked to tease them behind closed doors, but when they were out in the world no one would go to bat harder for them than her sister. Glenn was more subtle about it, but his support was just as undying. Rick and Michonne were the same. And so was Carol. Anyone that knew them knew. So, yes, they got stares, but eventually they didn’t even notice them anymore.

       Aidan had been harder to convince, but he came around about the same time her daddy did. When Daryl had gotten into a motorcycle accident, he was in a coma for a couple days. Aidan never said a negative word about him after that. She never asked why. All she knew was whenever they fought, they always made up before too much time had passed. Because grudges like that only made life more difficult. So, all the negative words hurled at each other were forgiven and forgotten.

       “What the hell, Beth? The guy’s a redneck almost twice your age!” Aidan yelled exasperated. She had just parked the truck in front of her house. Beth knew she should’ve waited to tell him, but waiting wouldn’t have done a damn thing. This was always how it was going to go.

       “You ain’t my daddy! I don’t need your blessin’,” Beth snarked right back, “It’s not any’a your damn business anyway.”

       Aidan whipped his head towards her as she took the keys out of the ignition, “Oh, but it is my business. I’m your friend and friends are supposed to stop their friends from making dumbass decisions.”

       At this point, Beth was seething, “Ya don’t know anythin’, do ya? You never do. Best keep your mouth shut.”

       He shook his head, a cruel laugh coming out of his mouth, “Don’t come crawling to me when all this shit hits the fan. I won’t be there. Not for this.”

       She shut down, a cold sense of detachment taking over her. It was starkly contrasted with the rage simmering beneath her skin, “Get out of my car, Aidan. An’ don’t come back.”

       He scoffed, but threw the truck door open and exited. He slammed it shut behind him. His own car was parked a few feet away. He got in and peeled away. She watched the dirt kick up behind his car in the rearview mirror. Watched him leave like he was the one in the right.

       It was a week before they spoke again. It was the longest they’d gone without talking since they’d become friends. He apologized and she could tell by the haggard way he looked that it was sincere. She could tell he regretted the things he had said and how he had acted, but not just that. He’d been losing sleep over it. It was simple after that. She chose to forgive and forget.

 

       But that wasn’t what happened. Wasn’t what she chose. Not really. He was dead. Aidan was dead and he’d never know that she forgave him the minute he said sorry the first time. He died without knowing that she cared. That she was glad he was there. He had died alone. And that was her fault.

       Dolor hic tibi proderit olim. Someday this pain will be useful to you.

       But when did the pain become too much to come back from?

 

 

~

 

 

       “Man, you’re good with her.”

       Daryl looked up from the cage housing Shiva to see Ezekiel standing in the doorway. Shiva was prowling her cage, but turned towards the King the minute he walked in. All Daryl could see was a creature that should be free by all rights, but was begging to be let out. The bars on her cage made him feel trapped and he wasn’t the one behind them. Except, he was. He watched her pace back and forth, growing restless.

       His own skin felt similarly to bars. It dawned on him that it was like watching his own reflection. He understood what it was like to be feared. Locked away. But despite all that, he respected Ezekiel for changing her image from something that could only be dangerous to something that protected.

       “Figured any guy that has a pet tiger can’t be that bad. You’re okay by Rick. Carol…” he trailed off, letting his mind wonder to Beth. She had immediately known he was a good man. He remembered asking her how she knew. All she had said was, “Same way I knew you were a good man.”

       Ezekiel finished his thought for him, “Beth…” A piercing pain went through him at just the mention of her name. Daryl shifted closer to the cage bars, towards the growling tiger. The King continued, treading lightly, as his way of speaking shifted to something more natural, “She was right. She warned me that this peace wouldn’t last. Made a very convincing argument. But I couldn’t hear her. I was too caught up in trying to keep the status quo cause it had worked so far. And now I have lost Richard.”

       A sense of pride went through him at hearing how much Beth got to him after only one talk, but he wouldn’t pat him on the back for coming to his senses. It was too late. Tyreese and Aidan were dead. An arm and an eye were taken from his people. And his wife was in the enemy’s hands. The King may have lost one of his best soldiers and confidants, but they had lost more.

       He still respected Ezekiel if only for the fact that he hadn’t snitched on his people when Negan came, but it no longer mattered what happened before. It mattered what happened right now. What choice would he make, now, after he witnessed what the Saviors had done?

       Daryl nodded, blooding pooling in his mouth from chewing on the inside of his cheek, “We all hold on ta somethin’. Then, we wake the hell up an’ realize it’s already gone.”

       A long silence fell between them, but eventually he heard Ezekiel move further into the room. Daryl watched as he went to Shiva’s cage and opened it. The whine of the bars alerted the tiger to her newfound freedom. He watched as she stalked out of the cage, looking up at Ezekiel. Before reaching his side, she turned towards him. He stayed as still as possible as she approached. Maybe he should have been afraid, but he wasn’t. Like recognized like.

       When she got close enough, Shiva lowered her head. His hand instinctively came up, running over her head. She nudged his hand, giving him encouragement. Almost as soon as she had come towards him, she left, rejoining Ezekiel at his side. Daryl thought he never looked more like a King. No fake staff or throne or way of speaking. Just a man in plain clothes with his companion by his side. It was power. They needed this King to fight the Saviors.

       Ezekiel glanced between Shiva and Daryl, a look of realization crossing his face and, maybe a bit of surprise. He watched in real time as Ezekiel’s face hardened and he proclaimed, “The Kingdom will fight.”

 

 

~

 

 

       Beth was awoken by a reverberating metal bang. It ricocheted through her already throbbing head as she jerked up from the concrete floor. Her body groaned in pain from sleeping on such a hard surface, but she’d been in worse shape. As her reality swept in, her breath was taken from her body. She remembered. All the horrors came crashing back. For a split second, she had forgotten what happened and where she was.

       Another two bangs sounded on the door before she heard, “Rise and shine.”

       His voice alone made her recoil. Not in fear, but in utter disgust and rage. The door swung open, bathing her cell in the light of the hallway. Her eyes squinted shut, trying to adjust after sitting in pure darkness. Once they had, she looked up to see Negan. He looked exactly the same as when she first laid eyes on him, except now, she could see a bandage on his shoulder peeking out underneath his white shirt. Lucille still rested on his good shoulder, no doubt to appear intimidating. But it was his smile that pissed her off the most.

       “We got a big day ahead of us. Things to do. People to kill. You know the deal.” When she didn’t respond or move, he said, “Come on. Take a joke. No one’s gotta die today, unless they break the rules.”

       He reached his hand down to her and Beth’s response was almost immediate, “Don’t touch me.”

       Flashes of the Savior from Alexandria went through her mind and she swore she could feel his hot breath on her neck for a second. Negan’s smile fell from his face as he pulled his hand away. He kneeled down in front of her, getting to eye level. A grim expression overtook his face. “No one will touch you without your permission. That is unacceptable behavior here. I wouldn’t wanna be somewhere where it wasn’t. Someone in charge…who let’s somethin’ like that fly,” Negan tsked, “We are not monsters. Alright?”

       Beth nearly scoffed, because it was one of his men that she could still feel against her sometimes. His man that she could still hear in her head. But for the life of Beth, she couldn’t detect a lie. In fact, he looked sincere, which just made her angrier.

       Then an idea hit her. She wondered if Negan knew about Simon and his group and all the shit they did behind his back. She wondered if he would even believe her if she told him. Could she sow doubt into his own people?

       “Alright,” she responded, because despite everything she believed him. Didn’t mean she hated him any less, but the truth was the truth and she would play the game until he was dead.

       He nodded, standing, “Come on.”

       Once he saw her getting up, he walked out the door and down the hallway. She followed, trying to stretch the soreness out of her legs and arms as they walked. Each turn they made and hallway they encountered; she made a mental note. Negan was practically giving her a tour of the Sanctuary and she couldn’t understand why. Did he truly count her out of this war that he started? Was he playing his own game?

       She leaned more towards the latter, but it still confused her why he would allow her to gain all this information. Unless he was going to kill her no matter what. But if he was going to kill her, why hadn’t he just done it in the lineup. You’re a hostage. He took you to keep them in line. That’s why she was still here and alive. She was a promise that if Alexandria or Kingdom acted out of line, she’d pay the price. But she knew that already. There was more.

       Negan didn’t say anything as he took turn after turn through the Sanctuary. She had tried to memorize the way from the door to her cell last night when they first brought her here, but she was too out of it to have done a good job. Even adjacently remembering what happened last time caused a pulse to start in her body, like the horror of those memories were trying to break free to wreak havoc on her mind.

       They were travelling down a long hallway when they encountered two Saviors. They were chatting, both holding sandwiches in their hands. Beth marveled at the breakfast sandwiches they held. She watched as they made eye contact with Negan and immediately dropped to the ground. It took a second for her mind to register the sight in front of her, but they were kneeling. Their heads bowed towards the ground. A fresh wave of disgust rolled through her at the sight. Negan threw a smirk back at her as he approached one of the men, “Cool. Isn’t it?”

       She swore one of them was shaking. Negan snapped his fingers at one of them and the man lifted his sandwich up towards Negan’s awaiting hand. He didn’t even lift his head to look at him. Negan grabbed it and asked, “Who are you?”

       Without thought, they both replied, “Negan.”

       Beth tried to make sure her face didn’t reveal anything, but this was way worse than she could have imagined. His own people were broken down. Brainwashed. Even as that thought crossed her mind, she realized this was better. His people didn’t love him. Not like her people loved Rick and Deanna. Negan’s people could be turned.

       Negan kept walking passed them and Beth followed. She glanced back at the two men and saw them still kneeling. When she looked back ahead, she saw Negan watching her, “They still kneelin’?”

       She didn’t answer. He knew. He just wanted to make sure she knew who had the power here.

      They reached the end of the hallway and Negan opened a door right in front of them. She was surprised to see it opened to a large bedroom. The room almost looked like one of those staged bedrooms she used to see at furniture stores. Everything was either black or metallic, giving it a very specific feel. There was a large king-sized bed on her left and a leather couch on the right, facing a table. Two chairs stood on the other side of the table. But despite the space being so dark, it looked open and bright because of the windows lining the right wall.

       Her feet were glued to the threshold. After she took everything in, it really hit her that this was Negan’s bedroom. Why would be bring her here? He was showing her where he slept. Did he think her that incompetent or innocent that she wouldn’t slit his throat in his sleep?

       “Sit,” Negan commanded, gesturing towards the chairs. He made his way over towards the couch, but not before dumping the perfectly good sandwich in his hand into the trash. That’s when her eyes narrowed in on all the food laid out on the table in front of the chairs. It was more food than Beth had seen in a while and not just stuff from a can, but fresh fruit and vegetables and eggs.

       Beth listened to his command and sat down in one of the chairs. He gestured to the food, “Go ‘head.” Even though her stomach rumbled at the sight of the food, she withheld. There was a slim possibility that the food could be drugged. She still didn’t know how Negan played this game. When she didn’t immediately reach for the food, he leaned forward and popped a strawberry in his mouth, “Eat.”

       It wasn’t a friendly command this time, but he still stooped to show her that the food wasn’t drugged. She grabbed an apple and bit into it, keeping her eyes on him. An unnerving smile formed on his face, “You got me feelin’ all warm and gooey inside with the way you’re lookin’ at me. It’s like talkin’ to a birthday present. And I want to see what grandma got me, so first impressions?”

       The back and forth between the thinly-veiled anger and this mask he put on was giving her whiplash, “First impressions about what?”

       Negan cocked his head, “Don’t play dumb.”

       What did he want? He took her for a reason. Why? Beth scanned her brain for what he said before he yanked her up from the ground. It was like wading through a swamp on a misty day, but eventually it came back to her: Load her up. That’s all he had said after she spit in his face. Why hadn’t he killed her? He had just smiled. Then it dawned on her, he liked that she fought back. Negan liked to break people. That much was clear with the little she saw just walking from her cell to here, but he also liked people that challenged him.

       It was a long shot, but she had to go for it. Maybe, her seething anger fueled her decision more, but it was the most logical choice she had at the moment. So, she spoke candidly and without restraint. "All ya have is fear. Your people don't respect you. They don't love you. When fear is all ya have, the only reason you're still on top is cause they haven't worked up the nerve to kill you yet," Beth said, matter-of-factly. If she could sow even the slightest bit of doubt in his own people, her being here may be worth it after all, "Empires fall, Negan. They always do."

       Negan didn’t say anything for an uncomfortable amount of time, but she filled it by continuing to eat. Because she’d be damned if she died on an empty stomach. Then, Negan breathed out and said, "Damn…You got some balls on ya. Some beach ball sized lady nuts. If ya weren't so loyal to that prick Rick, you could help me run this place. All of us together, followin' the rules, workin' on the same side of things.” Negan leaned forward, placing his forearms on his knees, “That's all this was ever about. And it still can be for you. Know it's hard to picture, considering what I did. But, Beth...we all got shit to get over."

       Now, she did scoff. Maybe she was playing one of her cards too soon, but she didn’t care, “Followin' the rules? Ya mean like Simon did? Like his men? The ones that almost raped me.” She threw the truth in his face with vitriol, wanting him to feel her rage and suffering that was brought on her by his people. “Your beloved right-hand bragged 'bout killin' women an' children. Those the ones you're talkin' 'bout?" Beth could feel her body start to buzz as her anger mounted. "Ya don't know shit 'bout the people you think you have power over."

       The smile that was once painted on his face disappeared. She watched as his carefully cultivated façade fell and she saw anger take over his face. One of his hands absently fell to grip the handle of his bat. It looked like he was processing her words and she couldn’t tell if she was about to die or he was going to tell her she was a liar. Then, Negan finally spoke, his words grinding out, “Is the prick dead?”

       Beth paused, slightly taken aback by his question. She had thought his anger was towards her questioning him about his men, but no. He was angry about what they had done behind his back. She could have sworn she actually saw a glimmer of guilt and regret. She kept her face neutral, “I killed him.”

       Without skipping a beat, he said, “Good.”

       The validation was bizarre coming from him, but it did confirm to Beth on thing. Negan had rules that he enforced. He had a moral compass of some sort. It was skewed tremendously, but it was there and that was more than she could say for the Governor or the Claimers or the Wolves. She could work with that. She could turn it against him.

       Negan continued, “I guess thanks are in order. You relieved me of a rapey asshole and a lyin’ sack of shit. I’m not necessarily surprised by the latter. Asshole pushed my buttons. But I am still a man, or two, short. Well, you can’t really call those pieces of shit men, but still, I’m short, and you got those beach-ball size lady nuts, and I wanna harness the heat comin’ off of ‘em.” He paused watching her very carefully, before he said, “You could help me run this place one day, Beth.”

       This was her in, but something about it felt so wrong even if she was just playing along. She had to resist. He believed he killed her husband. She wouldn’t cave that easily. Beth had to make him work for it, yet something inside her screamed as she schemed. Her fingers spun her wedding ring around her finger, finding comfort from touching something Daryl had given her. He’d tell her to escape as soon as she could, but she couldn’t do that if she refused Negan at every turn. So, as much as she wanted to slit his throat in his sleep, she needed to play along. For now.

       “You meet him before or after the end?” Negan’s question violently jerked her out of her head. That simmering anger came to the surface again. How he had the audacity to even mention him was beyond her. His voice was soft and sincere like he hadn’t murdered him with a walker right in front of her.

       Her answer was curt as she replied, “After.”

       His mask fell back on at her tone, “Don’t get all bent out of shape. You killed a whole bunch of my men and even though they deserved it, I couldn’t let that slide. Just like you couldn’t let it slide. You all had to be punished.” The corner of Negan’s lips downturned, “I see your anger. That shit’s gonna get you killed.”

       Beth shook her head, diving in head first again, “My anger is what’s gonna keep me alive. It’s why I’m tellin’ you the truth. If you wanna lead, ya need people ‘round you that do that every once in a while. An’ it seems you’re shit outta luck in that department.”

       He chuckled, “Wow. If I hadn’t popped your husband’s cranium open, I’d get down on one knee right now. But I’ll save myself that stone cold rejection and give you this instead…” Negan reached down to his belt and pulled out her two knives that were always strapped to her person. The Saviors had taken them from her and she hadn’t realized how relieved she’d be to see them again. They’d become her safety net.

       Negan carefully placed them down on the table in front of her, “Those knives are yours now. You can try to use them, take me out, but considering I am sat in front of you holdin’ a baseball bat, that doesn’t seem real smart. Now, you can use it to slit your wrists, which would be a damn shame, but I get it. You’re obviously not on the shiny side of the street, given recent events. Or…you can use those blades and join the cause. I know what I’d do.”

       She glanced at the blades, before looking back up at him as he continued, “Take some time, think about it. Whatever you decide, so it shall be, no pressure. I am sorry you had to see what you did, even though I know you have seen some things. I just need you to understand…we are not monsters.”

       That was the second time he had said that: we are not monsters. The thing was, maybe, they all weren’t monsters. But everyone was a monster to someone. She was a monster to the boy she shot in the back. They were monsters when they first arrived at Alexandria. Negan just so happened to be a monster to her. It didn’t matter how many times he said it. She saw him for what he was, a man with too much power. And men could bleed. And men could die.

       Beth picked up the knives.

 

 

~

 

 

       “Beth! Ya alright?” Maggie yelled from the porch as Beth shut her car door, “How come ya didn’t answer your phone?”

       She got to the porch steps before she answered, too tired to shout across the distance, “Sorry Mags, my phone died. I just lost track of time.”

       Her sister huffed, “Had me worried sick. Where were ya?”

       Beth smiled at her sister’s nagging. Usually it bothered her, but right now, it warmed her heart. Knowing someone cared that she was gone, made her feel less alone, “I was safe. I was with Daryl.”

       Maggie shook her head, her short hair swishing around her cheeks, “Well thank God for that. Thought I was gonna have to call Rick to send out a search party.”

       “That’s bein’ a little dramatic don’t ya think?”

       All of a sudden, a serious face overtook her sister, “No, I’d come for you. Ya know that right? If you were ever in trouble, I’d be there no matter what.”

       Beth felt the weight of her words, “I know. We’d tear this world apart ‘fore we let it drag us down.”

       Maggie smiled, “Damn right.”

 

       Beth opened her eyes. The only way she knew her eyes were open was the dull sliver of light that came through underneath the door. The clear image of her sister was still painted on the back of her eyelids, bringing her comfort. She knew Daryl and Maggie would want to come for her. Rick would have to stop them. It wasn’t the smart choice. They both would die trying. As much as she wanted to see them, she knew she was on her own.

       She had to do this on her own. So, she’d do whatever she needed to survive. To get back to them. The minute Negan set those knives down in front of her, she knew what she had to do.

       The cell had become familiar over the past couple of days. The only reason she knew days had passed was because of the food schedule. She got two meals a day. Nice meals, too. All she did was sleep and pace and dream with her eyes open for the first couple of days. Maybe, Negan was trying to break her by making her sit with only her thoughts to keep her company. If she was being honest, it would have, but she refused to let herself spiral.

       She counted her fingers and toes over and over again. She practiced drills with her knives. She did laps around her cell. Finger combed and braided her hair. But above all else, she planned.

       It wasn’t until the fifth day that the footsteps outside her door sounded different than the person that usually brought her food. This time her cell door fully swung open. And Negan stood above her once more, Lucille hanging menacingly in his hand. He clocked the knives she gripped in her hands and said, “You made a choice?”

       She nodded and slowly put her knives back into her belt, so as not to seem like a threat. He walked forward into her cell, caging her in, “I only have one question.”

       He paused. And in that pause were a million different choices. Different paths. She saw them all play out in her head, but only one led her home.

       “Who are you?”

       Her first calculated lie spilled from her lips, “Negan.”

Notes:

All righty! Let me tell you that was such a fun chapter to write lol!

So, the chapter starts with Beth dissociating as a coping mechanism. She is creating scenarios in her head that somewhat mimic real world events (like the one with Aidan and Maggie). Beth is NOT doing all right. She is compartmentalizing her trauma so she can survive, but she hasn't had the time to truly process everything that happened.

This is mostly a Beth and Negan centered chapter, but I wanted to drop in that scene between Daryl, Ezekiel, and Shiva as a bit of a glimpse into Daryl and the Kingdom. I always loved the scene in the show where Daryl was bonding with Shiva, but instead of Morgan in that scene with Daryl, I switched it to the King. I liked the metaphor of Daryl and Shiva recognizing each other as similar beings. And I think Ezekiel letting Shiva out of her cage is also symbolizing Daryl being let out of his (unhinged Daryl is coming lol.)

Finally, the main event of the chapter is the conversation between Negan and Beth. I took a lot of inspiration from Negan's conversations with Sasha in 7x15 and a little bit from him and Carl's conversations in 7x07. Beth has honed her skills at reading people and so has Negan. These are two very intelligent individuals basically dueling it out via words. Negan knows Beth probably wants to kill him, but he's arrogant enough to think he could still break and turn her. And Beth is playing along. Negan values honesty and guts, which Beth recognizes and uses. But she is stuck in trying to figure out what her next move is.

Beth slowly discovers that Negan wears a mask a lot of the time. He rarely lets it down, but he does a couple of times in their conversations. And she recognizes that that's the person she has to get at. The one underneath all the bullshit. Honestly, I think Negan has a hard time reading Beth even though he's really good at it. He knows that he really likes her, but I think a part of him is baffled by her level of honesty. He's so used to dealing with manipulative people that it's almost confusing lol.

And by the end of the chapter, she figures out exactly what her next move has to be in order to get back to her family. Beth choosing to say "Negan" isn't her giving up or giving in. It's her choosing to fight and choosing to play a very dangerous game with Negan. And he knows that. He's smart enough to know that she wouldn't willingly give into him after he killed her "husband". She's still challenging him even though she said "Negan". Now, he's going to be trying his hardest to actually get her to break and turn. It's a deadly game they're playing.

Anyways, thank you as always for reading! All the love to you guys and see you in the comments <3

Chapter 40: Blind Spot

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Happy late Sunday. This was a beast of a chapter, so I apologize for the late upload, but I hope it doesn't disappoint.

Thank you all so much for the continued love and support on this story. It would truly be nothing without you guys. All the love <3

Come chat with me in the comments and let me know what you think and all your predictions!

Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       His stomach boiled as he looked up at the gates of Hilltop. His motorcycle rumbled underneath him, lulling him into a false sense of complacency, like he wasn’t just about to break the news to Maggie that Beth was gone. That it was his fault. He left her and she was taken. It had been just shy of a week and they had done nothing. Beth had been in Negan’s clutches for five days and they were still sitting around with their asses hanging out. Without Beth around he could barely think clearly. Could barely exist in his own skin. He was constantly restless, angry, but above all else he wanted blood.

       Daryl wanted to feel Beth’s chest rise and fall against his, hear her breathing against his ear. Wanted to hear her say his name, feel the cold tinge of her metal ring as she rested her hand on his cheek. Wanted to hear her laugh, see the dimples that showed up in her cheek when she smiled. Knowing he had it all and it was ripped away from him in an instant by one man, it was enough to make him fall back into the person he tried to hide from Beth for so long. It was enough to make every violent, grotesque thought in his mind seem not cruel enough. And most of all, it made him want to feel the life leave Negan’s body as he drained him of blood and oxygen, slowly.

       Negan had broken their family. His family. Irreparable damage was done. And maybe he was an asshole, but what haunted him the most was Beth having to watch it all happen. It should have been him on his knees. Not her. He should have been the one to take it all. Beth was strong, but there was only so much a person could take before it broke them. The Saviors not only took something from them all, they changed them. Daryl saw the shadows in the eyes of everyone that had to kneel. Everyone had demons, but this was different. These shadows would never leave.

       Maybe the worst of it all was he had no idea what they were doing to her. Rick said Negan wouldn’t touch her, but he didn’t believe that for a second. He’d kill every last Savior that even looked at her wrong and he’d be happy doing it. At least that way he knew they’d be gone from this world. Forever doomed to rot among the waste where they belonged.

       “Daryl!”

       He looked up above the wall to see Glenn. A smile formed on the man’s face before he truly got a good look at Daryl. It dropped immediately and he disappeared. His heart was in his throat as he waited for Glenn to open the gate. This was it. He was going to have to face judgement. One that he deserved. Daryl promised Maggie that he would keep her sister safe. That was his responsibility. It had been his responsibility since the prison went up in flames. Since the second the Governor took Michonne’s katana to Hershel’s neck. She was his. And he’d let her down.

       The gate opened slowly. He rode his bike in, making a point not to look directly at Glenn because if he did, he’d know. Glenn was smart like that and so was Maggie. The people of Hilltop were milling about, but the rumbling of his engine caused a lot of them to stop what they were doing to turn and look. Most of them kept their distance, eyeing him out of their peripherals. As Daryl turned the engine off, he saw his people start rushing towards him. His eyes immediately found Maggie, who was coming out of the house. Just the same as Glenn, a tentative smile found her face, before she got a good look at him. He couldn’t hide from them.

       Glenn and Maggie got to him first. Tara, Dwight, and Deanna not far behind. His eyes landed on Deanna and he felt like he’d been sucker punched in the gut. For a second, he forgot about Aidan. He was her last kid. Last blood family member and he was gone. Just like that. Rick told him everything: how Aidan stepped in to save Beth before anyone else could, how he never once caved to Negan, how Rick still heard the echoes of Beth’s screams in his head at night, and he told him about his last words. They were a message not just to Beth, but to his mom.

       “Daryl, what’s wrong? What happened?” Maggie asked, a slight frantic tone to her voice.

       This was on him. It was his responsibility, but he was never good at this kind of thing. He couldn’t drag this out. He glanced at them all before starting, wanting to give them all another moment of peace before he ripped it away, “Negan came to the Kingdom.”

       Surprisingly, it was Dwight that reacted first, “What?”

       Fear descended on them all like vultures to a carcass. They all had someone they loved at the Kingdom. Now, everyone was holding their breath to see if it was their loved one that died. Daryl stumbled over what to say. His eyes drifted to Deanna and all he could say was, “I’m sorry.”

       Deanna knew before he even confirmed. He watched the light leave her eyes and it wasn’t unlike watching someone die. He heard Maggie suck in a breath as he watched Deanna wither away right in front of him. But he owed her more than that. “Died protectin’ us. Protectin’ Beth.”

       Telling her the rest could wait. Deanna looked about ready to keel over. Tara reached over to offer stability and comfort to the woman that took them in and gave them a chance even when she didn’t have to. He’d tell her the rest when she asked, but right now all she needed to know was that he was a hero. It would eat him alive everyday knowing he never thanked him properly for everything he did for him and Beth. Daryl would just have to carry it with him. Carry Aidan with him.

       Tara spoke, her voice thick with emotion almost like she was afraid to even ask, “Everyone else?”

       Daryl shook his head. He couldn’t take it. They deserved to know all of it, even if he could barely get the words out. And the right words were a whole different story. “Tyreese is dead. He killed ‘im in front of Mika,” Daryl took in a deep breath, “Beat Aaron half ta death and took his arm.”

       A sob escaped someone’s throat, but he wasn’t even finished yet, “Took Carl’s right eye. An’ killed one of Ezekiel’s.”

       An exasperated sound left Maggie, “Oh God.”

       The noise made him turn to her. She already had tears streaming down her face. It made his own start to burn when he realized what he’d left for last. Maggie reached out to him, but he pulled away, knowing he didn’t deserve her comfort. He could barely look at her, but he forced himself to, because he owed her at least that much. The same words from earlier slipped from his lips, broken and barely above a whisper, “M’sorry.”

       Maggie shook her head like she was trying to distance herself from what he was saying, “No…no.”

       Daryl kept talking, needing this to be over, “She’s alive…Negan has her.”

       Glenn appeared at Maggie’s side, letting her lean into him as the information hit her full force. Her breathing was ragged and uneven as she asked, “She’s alive?”

       He nodded, his eyes falling to the ground. He let his hair fall over his face, wanting to hide from everyone. From the world. From Maggie. Her soft voice that sounded too much like Beth’s drew him back to her, “Will ya look at me?” Daryl forced himself to drag his eyes back towards her. She had tears in her eyes, but she wasn’t angry like he thought she’d be. Her face was soft, just like her voice, “It wasn’t your fault.”

       His shoulders curled in as he shifted on his feet. His emotions overcoming him, “Shoulda been there…”

       Maggie just repeated herself, “It wasn’t your fault.”

       Her arms wrapped around him, holding him tight. He tensed up under her touch, reverting back to a time before Beth had opened him up. A voice in his head that he hadn’t heard in a long time told him he didn’t deserve it. But she persisted and eventually Daryl hugged her back. Maggie was his family by law in a lawless world and by blood because they chose each other.

       “M’gonna get her back,” it was a promise.

       Maggie nodded into his shoulder, “I know.”

       “What’re we gonna do ‘bout it?” Dwight’s angry voice broke the silence that had settled over them all. Daryl turned to see a man that looked fed up with being a step behind these assholes. He knew exactly how he felt and it was time the Saviors paid the price. They’d been on top too long.

       “Gonna need’a favor,” Daryl responded, voice rough.

 

 

~

 

 

       She was mesmerized by the dancing flame of the candle that cast shadows across Daryl's face. The flickering light cast a warm glow in the kitchen. It resembled the feeling that was growing inside her chest. She tried to tilt her head to catch Daryl's eye, but he was avoiding her.

       "So, ya do think there are good people around. What changed your mind?"

       He glanced between her and the jar of jelly he was still digging a spoon into. Eventually he shrugged, "Ya know."

       Beth shook her head almost imperceptibly, a smile upturning the corner of her lips. Her curiosity not letting this drop, "What?"

       Something must be really interested in that jar because he refuses to look at her, but he mumbles an almost incoherent, "Mhm."

       "Don't," she imitates his mumble, "What changed your mind?"

       Daryl finally looked up, his eyes piercing into her like he was willing her to understand without words. Suddenly, and all at once, she did. It was her. She changed his mind. Her heart fluttered in her chest. Her lips parted to reply. She wanted to tell him she cared about him too. Wanted to tell him he made her feel stronger. That he was everything to her now, but all that came out was:

       "Oh."

       It was breathless and full of understanding. His eyes darted across her face like he was trying to confirm what he heard in her response. She wanted to reach out to him, but everything fell away.

 

       The warm kitchen faded and Beth returned to her body. She didn't wake up violently like she was prone to do more often as of late, but this was much worse. She almost preferred her nightmares over whatever dream just held her in its grasp. She still felt the residual warmth in her chest. It felt so real. Too real. And it only reminded her of what she lost.

       Everything felt wrong. Beth couldn't feel the rise and fall of Daryl's chest against her back. Couldn't feel his warmth enveloping her. Couldn't feel the heavy weight of his arm on her waist or his legs tangled with hers. The pain nearly caved her chest in, a silent gasp left her lips as she curled in on herself. Daryl wasn't here. Her eyes burned as she felt about ready to break. There were cracks in the dam she had erected and Beth had nothing to mend them.

       Aidan was dead. Tyreese was dead. Carl. Aaron. And she was here letting the man who killed and maimed them get close to her. She was trapped. Stuck playing this game with their murderer so she could survive. So, she could burn him to ground. The taste of revenge was bitter on her tongue and she was stuck in a stalemate. Negan was smart and Beth was tired of fighting. He already held the advantage. She was only one person. And even though she knew her family would be doing everything to take down the Saviors, it may not be enough.

       She felt nothing, but the cold empty cot of the new room she was given at Sanctuary. Grey lifeless concrete walls surrounded her. As Beth's eyes traced over every inch of the room, she felt a familiar burning sensation on her wrist. She actively ignored the scar, pressing it against the bed so she wouldn't have to look at it. It ached and burned, reminding her of the hopelessness she refused to acknowledge. Because she had to keep going, even if she didn't believe it would make a difference. She owed Maggie that. She owed Daryl that. They'd want her to keep trying.

       So, Beth moved. She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She still had her clothes on from yesterday. Her hands robotically went to her hair. Out of habit she started to braid it, but then froze. Remembering how Daryl used to be the one to braid it. And Beth wasn't that person, at least not right now. She had to be someone else. So, she gathered her hair and just threw it up into a bun. It pulled on her scalp, but the pain reminded her that she was wearing a mask. This wasn't her. She'd be who she had to be to survive.

       Beth had just put her boots on and sheathed her knives when a bang sounded at her door. The sound ricocheted around her room and made her flinch, but she answered with a terse, "What?"

       Her door slowly swung open, revealing exactly who she thought it would be. Negan stood in the doorway, bright smile on his face, "We got some business to attend to."

 

 

~

 

 

       Welcome to the Alexandria Safe Zone. Mercy for the lost. Vengeance for the plunderers.

       The words burned into her. Mercy for the lost. They mocked her. Vengeance for the plunderers. They spit at her feet. They were a sick joke now. A part of Beth thought she’d never see her home again. And as the Savior’s van pulled through the gates, she realized she would have rather not seen it again than see it like this. She wasn’t here, not really. She was Negan and that person didn’t deserve to see home.

       When Negan told her he was taking her to Alexandria with him, she flat out refused almost immediately. Beth knew she wouldn’t be able to handle seeing Daryl while having to be this person. It would shatter her. Not being able to touch him. Not being able to tell him she loved him.

       But, of course, she had no choice. Negan needed to make a spectacle of her so they understood who was in control. So, when Beth saw Rick approaching the Savior’s vans, a wave of nausea overtook her and her eyes started to burn with unshed tears. He was right there and she couldn’t go to him. She was so focused on her family coming to the front of Alexandria to meet the Saviors, she didn’t notice Negan until he opened her passenger door. As usual, he had a shit eating grin on his face and Lucille swung over his uninjured shoulder. He held a gloved hand out to her, his eyes hardening.

       She saw it for what it was: a command. Take my hand or things will start getting ugly. Show them who you are now. Beth knew her family saw her, watched her with bated breath, as she put her hand in Negan’s. All she could think was that she was glad Daryl wasn’t here to see this. Beth stepped down in front of him, onto the street of her home. Hand in his like she was a prize he’d won. Her stomach rolled at the fact she was touching the hands that killed Aidan and Tyreese. The only saving grace was at least he was wearing gloves.

       Negan reached around her with Lucille and shut the truck door behind her with a loud bang. She did her best not to pull away from his close proximity. She had to play the game. The Saviors all descended around their leader, waiting for his orders, but his eyes were still on her. The shame she felt made her dizzy. It made it hard to look at Rick or Michonne or Abraham, Rosita, Gabriel. It made it hard to look any of them in the eye.

       She made to step away from Negan, but he tightened his grip on her hand and drew it towards his mouth. She watched in disgust as he kissed her hand. Her instincts won and she yanked her hand out of his grip like he’d burned her. Where his lips had touched her, she felt a scorching sensation not unlike how her scar felt sometimes. Her eyes darted to her family to see Rick seething in revulsion at Negan.

       Rick’s eyes dipped to her and his expression changed to one of devastation and helplessness. For a split second she let her mask drop, so she could show him she was all right, but she couldn’t ever hide from him. He knew. He saw her hopelessness.

       “Rick! Hot diggity damn. This place is somethin’,” Negan finally stepped out of her personal space and towards Rick. The minute he spoke, her cold mask slipped back on, blocking everything out. Because if she had to do this, she couldn’t be present for it.

       Rick’s gaze pulled away from her and focused on Negan, “Your stuff.” He gestured to a couple truckloads worth of stuff behind him. From what Beth could see, there were weapons, food, clothes, even some of the hard-earned crops they’d started to grow.

       “Did you really think you’d get to choose what we took. Nah, Rick. That’s not how this works,” Negan turned towards the rest of the Saviors, “Alright, time to clean house!”

       And once again, the Savior’s descended on Alexandria, but this time they couldn’t do anything about it. Beth forced herself to move her feet, going on autopilot as she walked deeper into her community and closer to Rick. When she got close enough, Rick turned from Negan and tried to approach her, “Beth—”

       Lucille shot up in the space between them, “No, you do not get to talk to her. She is one of mine now and I do not like to share.”

       Beth’s skin crawled at the intention he was putting behind his words. She sunk subtly into Negan’s blind spot behind his shoulder and shook her head at Rick. His blue watery eyes were watching her as she tried to signal to him that she was all right. That what Negan was implying was a lie. Rick seemed to understand because his attention shifted back to Negan.

       He pushed past Rick, continuing to walk. He followed the road going towards Deanna’s house and the armory. It was when they rounded the corner that Beth stopped short. Her breath caught in her chest as it squeezed painfully tight around her lungs. Her knees nearly gave out underneath her. Beth’s eyes were glued to her heart standing outside her body.

       Daryl was standing right in front of her, his chest heaving like he’d just run for miles. His blue eyes looked her up and down, checking for injuries. There was a storm brewing in him and the mask she had forced on was breaking in two. Her whole body was in pain from not being able to run to him. From not being able to speak to him. She did everything she could not to cry. Not just because she didn’t want Negan to see her connection to Daryl, but because she didn’t want Daryl to see her broken.

       He stalked towards her, but mercifully, Rick stopped him before he could get all the way to her. Beth watched him whisper something in his ear and his eyes shot up towards Negan. The only other time she’d seen that look in his eyes was when he gutted the Wolf after he thought she was dead. It made a shiver run down her spine and a feeling of pride bubble up in her chest. That was her husband.

       Negan couldn’t take that from her.

       “Beth, would you be a doll an’ point me in the direction of this establishment’s fine armory. I’m not a very patient man and I wanna look at what Rick’s got for me,” Negan said, punctuating his words with the jutting of his hips and a swing of Lucille. He must not have seen the turmoil of emotions fighting inside her, because he would’ve said something by now.

       With too much effort, she pulled her eyes away from Daryl. Her whole being hardened as she looked at Negan’s smile. She pointed three buildings down, “In the basement.” She shifted towards the building, but it was more of an excuse to get closer to Daryl without drawing too much attention.

       Her back was turned to Negan, when he started talking again, presumably to Rick, who was standing closest to him now. "Widows, especially ones that look like that," Negan whistled low, "They are special. I love 'em. Right after their husband's go, they are just...empty inside. But usually not for long."

       His chuckle made Beth's skin crawl as she froze on the spot. Not only because of how vulgar he was talking while she was standing there, but because it was in front of Daryl and Rick. And she couldn't do a thing. Negan was trying to get a rise out of them. She knew he wouldn't ever touch her, but she wouldn't put it past him to make them all think that's what he was doing.

       She was afraid to look at Daryl, but she had to in case she had to mitigate the situation. As her eyes met her husband's, all the emotions of being separated from him hit her full force. And her eyes immediately started to sting again. She was so close to him and she couldn’t do anything. A flash of pain and hurt crossed his face as he looked at her. She knew the exact same look crossed hers because her heart was breaking. Seeing him and not being able to touch him or talk to him was a different kind of torture. Subconsciously, she took a step towards him, but she didn't get far.

       Lucille was thrust in front of her, blocking her path to him. She turned to see Negan looking between her and Daryl, but his gaze locked onto him. His fake smile spread across his face, "Holy shit, you're lookin' at me like I stuck my dick in your morning cornflakes. You're gonna wanna be careful how you look at me." 

       Negan turned around towards Rick, "Who the hell is he again?"

       Rick' eyebrows were furrowed in anger and his jaw was painfully strained, "Daryl."

       Negan chuckled, looking back at her husband, "Daryl. Wow. That actually seems right. Is there somethin' you'd like to say to me, Daryl? Better to just get it off that chest of yours now before you pop a blood vessel."

       Beth pleaded with her eyes for Daryl not to say anything, not to react. She couldn't lose him. He was the only thing keeping her going at the Sanctuary. She needed to know he was all right.

       Daryl growled, "She ain't got nothin' ta do with this. You want collateral. Blood. Take it from me—"

       "Daryl—" Beth interrupted, but Negan cut her off.

       "No! Daryl's got somethin' to say. We're not gonna be rude and interrupt."

       Beth clenched her jaw so hard it felt like her teeth were going to crack. Her chest heaved out of fear for him and anger at their situation. Daryl stared Negan down, a chilling look at the edges of his eyes, "I killed your boy. Tore him apart. Took his fingers. Peeled his skin off. Wasn't quick neither."

       Acidic terror swirled in her gut as he hurled the vitriolic truth in Negan's face. Aidan had put them in the clear when it came to Simon. He took his false confession to the grave and now Daryl had just undone everything for a shot at getting her away from the Saviors. It was desperate and rash.

       Now, she had to prepare to get in front of Negan's bat or his gun if he drew on Daryl. But the storm she thought was coming, never did. Negan just smiled, "Are you tellin' me I killed the wrong guy? I killed her husband for somethin' you did. That's gotta be eatin' you up inside. Or are you just as cold and dead on the inside as you are on the outside?" Negan turned to her, pointing an accusatory finger, "You. You still blame me for his death when really, he's the reason. But you're still lookin' at him like that. Explain that to me."

       Beth knew it wasn't a rhetorical question. She didn't want to fully show how much she cared about Daryl. That was still something Negan didn't know. He could assume he was a part of her family, but he didn't know the full extent. If he knew he was her husband, he would have more to hold over her. So, she responded honestly without including him in her response, "He ain't the one who held a walker to his neck."

       He hummed, almost pleased with her answer, "No, he's not." Negan swung his attention back towards Daryl, who she could tell was beyond rage, because he looked almost calm. But if anyone looked close enough, they could see all the blood of the people he's killed swirling in his eyes. Negan tilted his head towards her, "Beth, you decide. Whatever your choice is, I'll hold to it. So…choose wisely."

       The minute the word ‘choose’ left Negan's mouth, Beth answered without hesitation, "Take me."

       It was an easy choice. Negan would torture Daryl. He wouldn't torture her, not physically at least. Daryl gave so much to protect her and it was her turn to protect him. She could take it. She'd take it for him. This was nothing compared to the possible future where they switched places. Beth would’ve been stuck here, in Alexandria, and Daryl would’ve been at Sanctuary being tortured until he broke. This was nothing. 

       Daryl nearly growled, "Beth—"

       Negan tsked, clicking his tongue, "No. She made her choice." He raised Lucille towards him and Beth sucked in a breath, “She’s nearly beggin' for it."

       Beth saw it happen in slow motion. She saw the tick in Daryl's jaw as it set in place. Saw his right shoulder rear back and his hand drop to the waistband of his pants. Saw his eyes burn with ice blue flame. The only reason she caught it in time was because she knew him. She knew him, heart and soul. And she knew the gun he was about to pull out wouldn't just kill Negan, but start something they couldn't finish. At least not right now.

       So, despite Negan's earlier protests and the alarm bells going off in her head about showing the Saviors her weakness, Beth stepped in front of Daryl. She stared Negan down, drawing his attention away and said, "If you're gonna talk 'bout me like I ain't here, at least have the decency to look me in the eyes while ya do it, asshole."

       That last part was for Daryl, because even though she wasn't touching him. She could feel the heat radiating off of him and hitting her back. She needed him to know she was still with him. That nothing had changed. She was still here and fighting. She wasn't broken. Not yet.

       She watched as a smirk spread across Negan's face. He glanced between her and Daryl, who she could still physically feel was silently seething. Rick had come up behind him, hoping to defuse him further if he had to. Negan chuckled, "Well woulda look at that. I'll be damned. You are one damn spitfire! You got Daryl here wrapped around your pretty little finger, don't you?" He looked over her shoulder towards Daryl, "If you don't protect what belongs to you, then sooner or later, it belongs to someone else."

       Beth couldn't tell if Negan was teasing him about her belonging to him now or he made an assumption that Aidan somehow stole her from Daryl. But regardless, she knew his words hit Daryl hard and deep. She heard him take a step forward behind her and for the first time in too long she felt him. His chest rose and fell against her back. It pulsed through her, sending an electric shock through her entire body. She tried her best not to react, but she knew if anyone was looking close enough, they would see the small breath of relief that left her.

       And then all too soon his presence was gone. Yanked away from her. Rick pulled Daryl back, whispering to him, "Don't do this."

       Beth spoke up to distract, "You got what ya came for. Let's go."

       A flash of anger took over his face, “We’ll leave when I’m damn well ready.”

 

 

       So, they watched as the Savior ripped apart every bit of Alexandria, taking things Beth knew for a fact they didn’t need. They took mattresses, clothes, food, weapons. She was pleased to learn that their inventory book had mysteriously disappeared. When she noticed the soot smeared on Daryl’s hands, she nearly smiled. The Saviors loaded up some of their guns, but not all their guns. In fact, it was less than half, if she counted right.

       Negan kept Beth by his side, making her trail him. She felt Daryl watching her from afar, but it was too hard to keep looking at him. She never saw Carl or Judith or Mika, but maybe that was a good thing. Maybe that meant they were safe. Or at least that’s what she told herself. Michonne caught her eye and nodded at her. She was telling her: Everything’s all right. We’re going to get out of this.

       It was a painful two hours, but eventually Negan seemed to have had enough. All the Savior’s had made it back to the trucks and loaded up. The last ones to leave were her and Negan. He sauntered around the corner and for a brief second, he disappeared, obscured by the wall. She was following him, when a warm, calloused hand clasped tightly around hers. Fear overtook her as she looked back at Daryl.

       That’s when she realized she was out of everyone’s line of sight except his. He squeezed her hand three times, before letting go. I love you. A sob nearly escaped her throat. His eyes were swimming with things unsaid and emotions rising to the surface. She squeezed back three times and then she let go.

       Beth felt something in her hand as he let go. She almost wasn’t quick enough to catch it, but she did. From what she could feel, it was a folded-up piece of paper. Without pause or another glance, she rounded the corner and shoved the piece of paper in her front jeans pocket. Her heart was hammering against her chest and she was almost worried everyone could hear it. It pounded so loudly in her ears.

       She approached the truck she had been brough in. Before Negan could make another show of helping her in, she climbed in herself and shut the door behind her. She was pleased to see Negan look a little peeved that his final chance to rub her capture in her family’s face was taken from him.

       Beth watched as he rounded the front of the truck and stopped right in front of Rick. He leaned in and said something she couldn’t hear, but from the way Rick’s head ticked to the side and his jaw clenched, she knew it wasn’t good. Negan just chuckled and got back in the driver’s seat next to her. And all too soon, she was watching her family disappear. Watching Daryl grow smaller and smaller in the side-view mirror.

       A long breath escaped through her nose, her body deflating with it. She had barely done anything today, but she was exhausted. Constantly battling herself took its toll. She swayed with the truck, the vibrations lulling her brain into silence. She knew the screaming would come back, but for now she was too tired to think or feel anything anymore. That’s why when Negan broke the silence, she practically winced.

       "What's with you and the redneck?"

       He was asking like he didn’t already know, but maybe, he was trying to confirm his suspicions with her reaction. Beth couldn’t lie. He’d catch it right away, but she couldn’t tell the whole truth either. So, she concocted a half truth.

       "Daryl. He treated me as an equal." She'd exploit every dark part of herself to get back to them. Now that she’d tasted home, her determination to get back was amplified. If this got her one step closer, she would do it, "I was young when this all started. My mama and brother turned early on. Thought they were just sick..."

       She trailed off. To Negan it probably looked like she was gathering herself, but really, she was trying to push the words out of her mouth. He didn't deserve this truth, but if it made him trust her, open up, she'd do it. She had to. "Ended up doin' this," she lifted her wrist with her scar towards him. "I chose to live an' I never looked back."

       Beth finally took her eyes off the endless stretch of road in front of them and turned towards Negan. She was pissed to see he was genuinely listening. No look of pity, but a bit of sadness etched into his eyebrows. She continued reeling him in, "Afterwards, he still treated me like an equal."

       Everything she said had been true up until that last part. Yes, Daryl had always treated her as an equal, but the lie was in the implication of what she left unsaid. She let Negan fill in the blanks. Made him think Rick and the others didn't treat her the same. Made him believe they all thought she was a weak link. The opposite was true, but Beth needed him to believe that her faith in Rick could waver. That he could possibly turn her. She just planted the seed. All he had to do was water it.

       Negan finally spoke, his voice unwavering, "My offer still stands, Beth. You an' I. We could run this place and that's not bullshit."

       Beth found her opening. He walked right into it. "How're you any different? What you said back there...paradin’ me around. That's how ya see me. Ain’t any better than keepin’ me locked up behind some walls." Ain’t any better than them. She willed him to pick up the bait. To take it and run. She channeled all the angst she used to carry about feeling useless. Anything to try to make what she was saying feel real.

       Her words actually looked like they hit. A flash of hurt crossed his face. It was quick, but it was there. Then he asked, "You still wanna kill me, Beth?"

       He asked it like he was asking her what shade of blue the sky was that morning. And she realized, he was gauging her by whatever answer she gave. Beth contemplated lying, but it was too soon. The truth would have to do, "Yes."

       A bizarre silence fell between them as the truck sped towards Sanctuary. Her mind was reeling and it was all too loud. That previous silence long gone. Then, a numbing fear overtook her body as a two-note whistle pierced through the truck cabin. She turned to see Negan looking ahead, like he hadn't done anything at all.

       A shiver went up her spine. Of all the responses he could have given her, this one terrified her the most. He was taunting her.

       But that also told her something. He'd shown her something real, something true. He'd shown her the true Negan and now he was backtracking by trying to put her in her place. That meant she'd somehow gotten to him. He pulled back because she had pulled back. She had been vulnerable, but still told him she wanted to kill him. He had been vulnerable and now he was giving her a warning in response to her honesty.

       He said it himself: people were a resource. He wouldn't kill her. He had too much pride, but that was exactly what would kill him in the end. Beth would hide in his blind spot and wait for the moment he let his guard down.

       Then, she’d kill him.

 

 

~

 

 

       In the safety of her own room, Beth slumped to the floor with her back against her door. Partly because she was exhausted, but also partly because she wanted to block anyone from coming in unannounced. She carefully took out the piece of paper Daryl gave her, handling it like it was a fragile piece of glass. When she opened it, she saw his hand writing. Two words were sprawled in the center.

       One week.

       It was a heads up, a promise, and reassurance that they hadn’t forgotten about her. Warm tears fell from her eyes, sliding down her cheeks to her neck. She let out a shaky breath. And a true smile formed on her face as she held Daryl’s note to her chest.

       That meant she only had a week to burn this place to the ground.

Notes:

As I said at the beginning, this was a beast of a chapter, hence why it took so long to get uploaded. We start with Daryl at Hilltop going to break the news to Maggie, Glenn, and the others. I tried to tie in the scene Maggie and Daryl had in the show in Hilltop's cellar and it seemed to work really well here. Daryl fully thinks Maggie is going to blame him for Beth, but, of course, she doesn't. Maggie loves Daryl and knows none of this is his fault just like in the show. (Side note: In no way do I feel like Daryl was responsible for Glenn's death in the show. It never even crossed my mind when it happened. In my brain Negan wasn't leaving the clearing until every single person was broken and just killing Abraham wasn't cutting it. Two or more people were always going to die whether Daryl reacted or not.)

Also, I want to be clear. I am purposely not showing you guys a bunch of what's happening outside of Beth's perspective. I give you bits and piece, but I'm purposefully being vague for the story. I want it to unfold for you guys the way it would for Beth. She's not in the loop, so you all won't be either lol, sorry :)

Another Beth dream sequence, but this one is a little nod to the funeral home scene in the show. Beth is still actively dissociating to deal with everything and that includes reimagining and reliving the moment she realized Daryl cared about her. I thought this was a subtle way to sneak in this scene that we all love from the show and I think it fits relatively well.

Finally, we get to the big scene that took all week to write. Negan has been a pain in the ass to write because he has such a specific way of talking, however he actually flowed really easily in this chapter. The blocking of this chapter is what took the longest to write. There's a lot of movement and looks between Beth, Daryl, and Rick. Beth can't talk and Rick and Daryl aren't really keen to talk with Negan around because they don't want accidently say something that could get Beth in trouble, so there's a lot of nonverbal communication. Which takes forever to write, but I think I did it justice.

Spield, this one's for you! I hope the taunting didn't disappoint lol!

Just like the show with Daryl, Negan is using Beth to taunt and control Alexandria. There's also a sense of like, "Look at what I did to one of yours. She's mine now. Look." He's definitely rubbing it in. Just like the show, Negan takes all the guns they have in Alexandria and a lot of their comfort stuff, plus food. But luckily for us, someone burned our inventory book before the Saviors got there *eyebrow raise*.

The conversation between Negan and Beth at the end is still so interesting to me. Beth is balancing on a very thin tightrope. I'm very curious to see how you all interpreted that scene and how much you think Negan actually knows. Do you think he's figured it out? Do you think he knows Beth isn't telling him the whole truth? Or do you think he's being blinded by her seeming honesty? Let me know!

Anyways, all the love to you all <3 See you in the comments :)

Chapter 41: Five Knives v. Lucille

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I hope you all are doing well. I'm back with another juicy chapter :)

I saw a notification that Ao3 is currently not letting guests comment because of an influx of spam. I don't know if that's still true or not, but if you are wanting to comment and can't that might be why. I am so sorry, maybe it will be better tomorrow.

Anyways, I can't wait to hear what you all think about this chapter. I am slowly letting you all in on Beth's plan, but still keeping you in the dark regarding everyone else...hehe.

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       “Daryl!”

       A high-pitched voice called his name from the door of the armory. He knew it was Mika. She sounded out of breath and exasperated. Daryl hauled ass towards her voice and saw her standing in the threshold of the door to the outside. Her chest was heaving up and down, but what made a chill go up his spine was the fear in her eyes. She barreled into him, nearly in tears.

       Her voice was muffled as she spoke, “They’re here. Beth…she’s with him.”

       Beth. Beth. She was here. She was alive. Then, a more offensive thought hit him.

       She was with Negan.

       True fear tightened up his whole body. The Saviors were here and they wouldn’t play nice. He knew they wouldn’t and if Negan brought Beth, all that meant was trouble. He wanted them to know the power he held over them. It pained him to think about Beth being used as a pawn. He’d gladly trade places with her and that’s what he planned on doing, but he had to handle this first. Daryl quickly grabbed the inventory book filled with all the guns that were now mostly stored at Hilltop or the Kingdom. He threw it in a nearby metal bin, with Mika still attached to him. He rearranged her so he could get to the matchbook in his front pocket. Without hesitation, he struck a match and threw it in the bin, making sure the book caught fire.

       He knew the dancing flames flickered in his eyes, roaring to life, because he felt it. He’d been muted, forced to reel himself in and be a bystander. But he wanted blood and he’d get it one way or another. Daryl gently pulled Mika from him, bending down to get on eye level with her. He needed her to hear him. “Go to the house with Carl. Don’t come out ‘til one’a us comes an’ gets ya.”

       Mika was still clutching the front of his vest. So hard, her knuckles were turning white. It looked like she’d run a marathon, but her breathing wasn’t settling. It was only getting worse to the point she was practically heaving, “What if…what if you don’t come back? Beth…she…she told me to hide. And I did. And she told me not to come out until she got me. And then…then she didn’t come back. What if you don’t come back, Daryl?”

       Daryl blinked, his chest squeezing. Mika was panicking. They all tried to keep the world from coming down on Mika, Carl, and Judith. And any other kid that crossed their path, but they failed sometimes. Negan did this to them. He was having to calm a panicking child because he not only took one of her guardians from her. He killed someone she loved right in front of her.

       He held her gaze, “Ain’t gonna lie to ya. I don’t know what’ll happen ta me. But I’m always gonna try. We’ve survived this long, right? Gotta mean somethin’.”

       As the words came out of his mouth, he realized they were Beth’s words. They were hers. Not his. He wasn’t lying to her, but it was more hopeful than he felt. Because he felt trapped in a never-ending nightmare. His light was taken from him, but she was still with him. He could feel her now, looking at Mika.

       Eventually, her grip started to loosen on his vest and her wide, doe eyes gazed up at him, “You’re gonna get her back, right? She’s gonna be okay?”

        A newfound responsibility fell on his shoulders. Mika loved Beth, just like Maggie did, and he’d be damned if he let her lose someone else. He nodded, standing up to his full height, “M’gonna get her back.” He told her the same thing he told Maggie, because even if it killed him, he was going to get her back.

       Mika nodded, but stood there dazed until he gently pushed her towards the door that led out back, “Go with Carl an’ Judith. An’ get your gun out.”

       She did as she was told and ran, looking back at him only once before disappearing through the door and around the corner. The minute she was gone he grabbed a handgun. The cold metal seared his back as he pulled his shirt down over it. He checked the dying flames of the inventory book. It’s ashes now settled at the bottom of the bin. He scooped them out and scattered them, not wanting a single piece of evidence to pin them.

       And he darted out the door. He had to get to her. Had to see her. His heart was beating out of his chest as he stalked through the streets of Alexandria. He heard commotion coming from the gates, but the thudding of boots was getting closer to him.

       Then, he froze. There was a brief moment where Daryl’s eyes found Beth before she saw him. And he couldn’t catch his breath. The panic rose because that wasn’t Beth. That wasn’t his wife. What had he done? Her face looked strained and her body was tense. Her eyes were red rimmed and the deep purple circles under them were making his own water. She looked a million miles away with the way she vacantly looked at everything around her. No feeling crossed her face.

       Then, her eyes locked with him and he watched her crumble right in front of him. His eyes drifted down her body, checking for any sign that she’d been harmed. His chest heaved even as he saw no obvious physical injuries, but it was the nonphysical ones that were making him seethe. When he looked back up at her, it broke him. That cold distantness he’d seen for a split second was gone. Beth was right in front of him, but everything was wrong. She felt unreachable. She was here, but she wasn’t.

       Daryl walked towards her, ready to break through the invisible wall separating them. A strong arm stopped him, before he could get to her and never let her go. Rick’s voice sounded muted in his ears as he whispered, “Don’t. He won’t let you.”

       Rick’s words registered and his head snapped to Negan. He had to kill him. It was the only way to get to Beth. The only way to free her.

       Negan’s voice drilled screws in his head as he spoke, “Beth, would you be a doll an’ point me in the direction of this establishment’s fine armory. I’m not a very patient man and I wanna look at what Rick’s got for me.”

       Daryl watched Beth pull her glassy blue eyes away from him. The ones that always made him feel loved. The ones that made him feel like he was home. She turned towards Negan and he saw her morph back into someone he didn’t know. That detached look returned to her face. She was playing him. She was playing Negan. Even her voice sounded different as she answered, “In the basement.”

       She took a seemingly casual step towards him, like she was leading the way towards the armory, but she stopped nearly right in front him. He almost reached a hand out towards her. It took everything in him not to. Daryl was too busy looking at Beth to see Negan saunter up to Rick, "Widows, especially ones that look like that," Negan whistled low, "They are special. I love 'em. Right after their husband's go, they are just...empty inside. But usually not for long."

       Rage hit him first. Rage like he'd never felt before. It was white hot and made his head buzz. His vision narrowed and everything was red. Then, Negan's actual words hit him so hard his head whipped back towards Beth. The implication made him sick. His stomach was in his throat and spit started to gather under his tongue. He'd never been more terrified in his life. And the longer it took Beth to look at him the more that dread grew until it consumed him. 

       When her eyes finally connected with his, he was hit square in the chest. His girl wasn't looking back at him. His wife was nowhere to be seen. He saw the same look in her eyes when she'd been laying helpless underneath that Claimer. The pain was so clear under the mask she erected to keep herself from feeling it. Beth was broken.

 

 

       The gates of Alexandria closed, separating him from the only thing that kept him rooted in this world. And he needed it to stop. The pain. The reeling. He needed it to stop. He whirled around to take it out on the first person he saw. And there was his brother.

       "Did ya see her, Rick? Or were ya blind ta that too?” Rick had stopped him from killing Negan. Stopped him from going after Beth. Daryl wanted him to feel that pain. Feel his pain. 

       Rick looked distraught as his eyes followed him while he paced back and forth in front of him, "I saw her..."

       A guttural voice ripped from his throat, one that hadn’t come out of him in a long time, "The hell ya didn't. Cause that ain't her."

       "Daryl, she's playin' him. She's smart. She knows what she's gotta do," Rick tried to reason, but even he looked unconvinced of the words coming out of his mouth.

       "Bullshit. I ain't talkin' 'bout the part she was playin'. That. Ain't. Her," the words crawled past the lump that had formed in his throat. Behind the cold mask she erected he saw nothing. All the light she held in her eyes was snuffed out. Her hopefulness ripped from her, leaving a gaping wound in her soul. Daryl saw it. She was broken. And she was trying to hide it.

       Daryl knew Rick had seen it. 

       "Ya heard what he said. An' we're gonna leave her with him another week?" Daryl yelled, his voice raising. He could feel himself losing it. His skin was too tight around his bones and his blood was boiling against his skin. Right after their husband's go, they are just...empty inside. But usually not for long. Negan's words played in his head over and over again, bashing around in his skull. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to get rid of the vile images painting his eyelids.

       Beth was strong, beautiful, and bright. And Negan had taken away her light. He wouldn't kill him. No, Daryl would make him wish he was dead. His mind kept playing those images over and over again. He saw Negan's hands on her, touching her like only he should be able to. Panting bullshit in her ear. Forcing her to beg for him. To be one of his wives, like the sick piece of shit he was. She was his wife. His wife. His Beth.

       The woman that believed good people still existed out in the world. The woman that believed in second chances. The woman that took care of everyone before herself. The woman that felt everything so violently and completely it used to nearly ruin her. She had smiled, laughed. Daryl wasn’t sure any of that would be left.

       He vaguely heard Rick say, “We aren’t ready yet, but we will be.”

       An acrid sense of dread and panic filled his entire being. And all at once it became too much. He had to do something. Anything. Even if it ended up killing him.

       He would make Negan beg for death.

       "Daryl," a light hand fell on his shoulder. He flinched away, but didn't move as he opened his eyes and saw Rosita. "I didn't see any…wounds. She would've fought like hell. There was nothing on her wrists or…neck. I know it's not sure, but it's something."

       She reasoned calmly. If it had come from anyone else, he wasn't sure he would've heard reason. But Rosita was one of the few people that knew about Beth and all the hurt that came after the Wolves attacked her. She'd seen one of her breakdowns and Daryl could tell Rosita knew exactly what Beth had been going through. Just like he could see right now.

       Beth was a fighter. She would have fought tooth and nail, but doubt still crept in. He remembered what happened when the Claimer got on top of her. He hadn't been able to breath and it was the first time in a long time that he had prayed. He had been screaming in his head, begging for her to be saved. For a miracle. Anything. But she had disappeared. She had stopped moving. Stopped fighting. And maybe it had been an act, but he'd seen that vacant look in her eyes. And even Beth couldn't fake that kind of emptiness.

       It was the moment he realized he'd do anything for her. He'd be whoever he had to be to make sure he never saw that light leave her eyes again. She was his hope.

       So, yeah, Rosita's words sunk into his bones and settled his panic, but his wife was still broken. And he couldn't have that. Without another word, Daryl stalked passed everyone to go keep his promise to a little girl. He could at least keep one of the promises he'd made.

       His hands weren’t just tied. He was locked up and the key was nowhere to be found. Daryl was never the strategic one. He knew Rick’s plan was their best option, but how could he just sit there and let her rot? One week was too long. And he was sure he’d regret every second he waited before going to get her.

 

 

~

 

           

       "Good mornin', Dwayne. Got any good sells today?"

       Dwayne was a massive man that looked more intimidating than he was, but he was one of the sweetest people Beth had met in a long time. He looked to be in his late forties with a slightly greying beard. He shook his head, looking down at her with a small smile, "Not today, Miss Beth. But the day's still young."

       A thick black leather apron hung from around his neck. It barely covered him, but she was sure it would drown her if she were to put it on. Beth glanced over his table of handmade metal work. Everything from utensils to knives to jewelry was laid out. The table was scarcer than she'd seen it before, which intrigued her. Was scrap metal becoming scarce? From the mummering she heard, Beth knew the Saviors satellite outpost was usually responsible for collecting metal tributes from Hilltop and supplying them to the Sanctuary. And that was the group her family had killed. Simon's group.

       So, they were still struggling to get back on their feet.

       "What'd I tell ya 'bout callin' me Miss? Beth is perfectly fine," she said with a warm smile.

       Dwayne started smoothing out the edges of a new metal spoon when he answered, "Maybe you need to remind me just a couple more times, Miss Beth."

       She shook her head at him and looked through his collection of new knives. Her two knives given back to her by Negan were strapped to her hips, but another one couldn't hurt. Plus, she couldn't resist the opportunity to give Dwayne as many points as she could.

       Beth learned about the Savior’s system of barter pretty early on. It started as whisperings because she was kept separate from everyone at the start, but now that she was free to roam, she had picked up a lot. More than Negan probably wanted her to, although, he never showed it.

       Negan had given her power and responsibility within the Sanctuary. Beth knew he respected her. And although she knew his respect was valuable, it wasn’t the most important. Not by a long shot. She’d been spending more and more time with the workers on the ground floor of the compound, trying to understand the inner workings of the Sanctuary. The more she learned the more appalled she became. The majority of the Sanctuary was made up of workers, people that earned points by working or providing goods and services.

       These were the people that held up Negan and his lieutenants. Yet, they were treated like shit and Beth wasn’t really sure how there hadn’t already been an attempt at killing their oppressors. They easily outnumbered them five to one. So, no, Negan’s respect wasn’t what she needed. It was theirs. Every morning, she frequented the compound floor and spent as much time as she could getting to know people and spreading her business around to everyone.

       Honestly, it had become something she looked forward to everyday. It made her feel normal and less like a prisoner waiting to be saved. She felt like she was doing something against Negan, no matter how small of an action it was. She was sowing a greater divide, or at least that’s what she hoped for.

       Beth turned her attention back to Dwayne’s table. One of the smaller knives stood out to her. There was a ring at the end of the handle so someone could easy switch between holds. It was small enough to hide in the palm of her hand. Beth reached for it, "How 'bout this one?"

       Dwayne eyed her, "That's the third one you've gotten from me. You plannin' somethin' I oughta know about?"

       She shrugged, staying nonchalant, "Maybe. Just me an' my five knives 'gainst the world." Is it just me or are there others?

       Her words sounded lighthearted, but her tone was straight. Depending on his response, she could either pull back and say she was joking or double down and see how deep his animosity towards the Saviors went. Dwayne knew she was basically a prisoner of war that had somehow claimed a tentative place on Negan's council. But she made it clear how unsavory she found their way of life here, whether that was a snide remark about the point system here or there or a passive aggressive comment about some of Negan’s crueler lieutenants.

       The Sanctuary’s hierarchy kept people down and in constant debt. The people down here could work their way up for better living situations, but then they’d be subjected to Negan’s orders even more so. It was bullshit. Everyone knew it, but no one said anything because they were too afraid of Negan and his posse. It benefited the upper echelons and stomped on the workers that actually provided.

       Beth watched Dwayne glance over his shoulder, checking his blind spots for any people that could be too close. When he saw the coast was clear, he leaned in towards her and lowered his voice so only she could hear, "You'd have a lot more than five knives."

       Her heart skipped a beat and jumpstarted into overdrive. His eyes darted across her face and it looked like he was holding his breath waiting to see what her response would be. Would she doom him or be his salvation?

       Beth pocketed the knife, "One more won't hurt. Any recommendations for where I can go next?" Who else can she trust?

       His chest deflated as he blew out a breath through his nose. The relief in his eyes spoke volumes, "I'd suggest fillin' up on supplies at the tables near the back wall. They got what you need."

       Beth clocked six tables all laid out against the wall behind them. Many of the workers were gathered around them chatting and bartering, but what struck her was the clear sign of community between them all. If they were willing to stand up to Negan and his lieutenants, they may have a fighting chance. When her gaze turned back to Dwayne, she nodded, "Thank you for the knife."

       She signed the sheet, so points could be awarded to Dwayne. He dipped his head towards her, "You have a good day now, Miss Beth."

       She most certainly would.

 

~

 

       Beth spread out all her supplies at the foot of the bed in her assigned room. Five knives. One stolen gun. A rudimentary first aid kit, which was comprised of a couple of bandages, ibuprofen of some kind, needle and thread for stitches, and a small bottle of rubbing alcohol. Two spare sets of clothes. Duct tape. Five cans of various foods. And a backpack for her to store it all. Daryl’s note was burned in her mind. One week. She had no other information. No way of knowing what she’d need for whatever plan they had. No way to contact them. It had been three days since she’d been to Alexandria and she was starting to wonder if staying at Sanctuary could serve her family better.

       She wanted nothing more than to leave and go back home to her sister, to Daryl, Judith, Rick, her family. But she was finally making progress here. Things were coming together. She could be of more help here than at home. She wasn’t useless. Not here. Not when she could take them down from the inside. There would be nothing more hurtful to Negan than watching his own people betray and kill him. And it would serve him right.

       “Beth,” knocks sounded on her door, as a female voice said, “Can I come in?”

       By the tone and softness of the voice, she knew it was Amber, one of Negan’s wives. Beth vividly remembered meeting her because it was like staring into a mirror. In that moment, she saw a possible future where she was Amber. Where she was forced to marry Negan to survive and keep her love safe. Negan had seen the recognition on her face. The connection she’d made. And she could still hear the words he whispered in her ear: Wouldn’t say no to havin’ two’a you. The more the merrier.

       It made her sick. She remembered feeling the nausea. Remembered seeing the shame on Amber’s face. Remembered Negan’s spinechilling chuckle. Beth remembered refusing to look at Negan, not saying a word. She remembered staring ahead until she gathered herself enough to walk up to Amber and say a simple: It was nice meetin’ you. But Beth had felt her eyes following her as she walked out of the room without Negan’s permission.

       Beth stared at all her supplies spread out on her bed, her fingers twitching to hide them, but she needed to gauge Amber. She obviously wasn’t happy. Anyone that was looking could see, so maybe she could make a friend that was closer to Negan than even she was. So, she took a risk and left her supplies in plain view. Beth called out, “Come in.”

       Amber opened the door timidly, like she did everything. Her whole existence was walking on eggshells constantly, so it made sense. She was balancing on a tightrope between trying to survive, pleasing Negan, and keeping her boyfriend Mark alive. When she stepped through the threshold her eyes immediately went to her bed. The supplies were in full view.

       Beth watched Amber’s reaction carefully. It seemed multiple emotions hit her at once. A glimmer of hope followed by dread and then her eyes widened in fear. But fear for what? Fear for Beth. Or fear for herself. Amber finally spoke, “Negan wants to see you at the end of the day.”

       She barely contained her eye roll. Negan had gotten into the habit of sending people to remind her to check in with him at the end of each day. Like she couldn’t remember herself. There was only so much summoning a person could take before they started to feel like a dog being called. Then, another thought hit her. Negan had sent Amber to get her. Why Amber? Why not Frankie or Tanya? He knew her and Amber had talked the most out of all his wives. Why would he give them an opportunity to talk while no one else was around? Everything Negan did was calculated, cunning. He sent her for a reason. Why?

       Amber’s eyes were darting around the room frantically, like she was looking for something or avoiding looking at her. That’s when it clicked, “He asked ya to report back on me, didn’t he?”

       Her head dropped towards the ground and that was as much of an answer as she needed. He sent her because he knew Beth would let her guard down around her. She shook her head, hating Amber got caught in the middle of this game. Beth walked towards her, speaking softly, “Did he threaten Mark?”

       Amber shook her head, tears in her eyes. Her hair that looked so much like her own nearly covered her face and her voice shook as she spoke, “He told me he’d make sure he didn’t have to work for points anymore. That he’d move him up.”

       Shit. Negan had taken her advice. Fear only got leaders so far. Now, he was just using bribery and a really good bribe at that. Beth couldn’t let Amber pass that up, but she also knew Amber was sick and tired of this place. Of seeing Negan’s face every day. Her heart pounded as she said, “It won’t ever stop. He’ll keep askin’ for more ‘til ya got nothin’ left to give.”

       Beth could see her words barrel through her like a freight train. And she just kept shaking. Beth closed the space between them and grabbed onto her forearms, trying to get her to look at her. When she did her eyes were wide and terrified. Beth kept her voice calm as she spoke, “Tell him ya found a gun in my room. That you saw the handle stickin’ out from under my mattress. Say ya aren’t a hundred percent sure, but ya saw somethin’ that looked like a gun handle.”

       Amber shook her head, “Beth…he’ll kill—”

       “He won’t. Just do it. That should be enough ta get Mark outta workin’ for points.”

       Amber stood still for a second, looking at her in surprise? Awe? Fear? Beth wasn’t sure anymore. Then she whispered, “Thank you.”

       She turned to leave, but before she could fully get through the door she added, “There’s nothing left…but if he’s gone, maybe, we can get something back.”

       It was like her own words frightened her, because she clamped her mouth shut and walked away, leaving Beth’s door slightly ajar. She told Negan fear was all he had going for him. His people didn’t love or respect him. And the only thing keeping him at the top was because someone hadn’t worked up the courage to kill him yet.

       Now, they had and his days were numbered.

 

 

~

 

 

       Beth flopped down in the chair across from Negan, not having to feign her exhaustion even in the slightest. His room was mostly cast in shadows since the couple of candles that were lit were on the table between them. Her bones felt tired, but even worse was her mind had shut down. And she knew she was going to need it for whatever this conversation was about to be. Especially after Amber had visited her.

       Being someone else had become an immense burden that Beth hadn't accounted for. She felt it after going back home. Trying to be someone she wasn't in front of her family had drained her of everything. And afterwards, it got harder to keep that mask up all day long. It's why she enjoyed talking to Dwayne, Cynthia, Alberto and all the other workers. She could be Beth Dixon with them. She didn't have to be Negan's puppet or Aidan's wife or a prisoner of war.

       So, yes, she was exhausted and frankly, she was starting to care less and less about how this turned out. She'd regret even thinking that in the morning, but right now it was all she had.

       Negan poured himself a glass of bronze colored liquid in a nice crystal glass that the Greene family would only ever bring out on special occasions. A long silence held between them until Negan slapped the arm of the couch. The sharp sound pierced the air, making the atmosphere tense. Beth's nerves were too shot to flinch and that was probably a good thing. Negan wanted a reaction. Wanted to see her squirm. He'd get no satisfaction for her. 

       Finally, he spoke, his voice a lot lower and less boisterous than it normally was, "Amber told me somethin'...interesting today. Imagine my surprise when she came runnin' to me about a gun tucked away in your room. Wanna explain to me why you have a gun when you know damn well that shit wouldn't slide," Negan asked downing his glass of whatever alcohol was currently sitting on the table.

       This was it. This was when she figured out if all her work had paid off or she was about to die. Maybe she should have been more scared, but all she felt was pure fatigue. Everything she had was depleted. And maybe she was imagining it, but Negan didn't look much better.

       Beth leaned forward and gestured for him to hand her his glass. He quirked a brow, but did it without a word. She felt the warm crystal in her hand heated up by his palm as she poured him another glass. When she handed it back to him, Beth forced herself to make contact, letting her fingers graze his slightly. Not enough to be considered anything but accidental, but she needed him to see a change. Finally, she let her words weave a picture of violence and metamorphosis.

       "I always planned on killin' you. When you held that walker to...to Aidan's neck. That was it. I was gonna kill you. An' I was fine if it was the last thing I ever did. When ya gave me my knives back, I decided I was gonna slit your throat while you slept," Beth watched Negan as she talked, his face was neutral besides the slight downturn at the corner of his lips. She took in a shaky breath, like she was confessing her sins to a priest, "It became harder and harder... imaginin' myself doin' that. Like there was a line I couldn't cross to get ta you. Or didn't want to cross."

       She added the last part as a lifeline for him to grab onto, "So, I got the gun, thinkin' I could somehow find a loophole in my own mind an' kill you that way. Convinced myself that a knife was too personal, but that's the thing. This's personal for me. You said, we all got shit ta get over, but this ain't somethin' you just get over. But I couldn't even bring myself to just shoot you. Didn't even wanna carry it with me. It sat in my room mockin' me for bein' weak."

       Her heart was in her throat, but she kept going, "I was gonna kill you for killin' my family. You took somethin' from me, Negan. Somethin' that can never be replaced. Every time I close my eyes, I see him. The blood runnin' down his neck. It bubblin’ out of his mouth as he tries to call for me. I hear his last words. And then there's you. Mockin' him while he's dyin'. And now, that's all I have left of him."

       Beth felt herself tearing up, from what specifically, she wasn't sure. All she knew was how overwhelmed she felt. Negan's face hadn't changed, but she could tell he was leaning towards her more than he had been before she started. "But ya gave me somethin' too. You gave me this," she gestured around her, "I'm useful here. I can be useful here. I don't have ta be who I was. I can just be Beth Greene...You gave her back to me. So, I'll never forgive you, but I don't wanna hate you."

       And there it was. The perfect truth woven specifically for Negan. Her breathing was heavy as her heart beat sped up, but she refused to look away from him. She needed to see every little twitch, every blink, every tap of his finger. She needed to see everything to be prepared for what was coming next.

       Negan’s head fell back as he uttered, “Lucille, give me strength.”

       When he looked at her again, his mask was gone and for the first time Beth saw the real Negan. And not just a glimpse of him. His eyes bore into her, heavy with something she couldn’t pinpoint yet, “My first wife was a real wife. My only real wife. ‘Til death did us part. It was before this. I lied to her. I screwed around on her. She was sick and when she went…when she went it was during this. An’ I couldn’t put her down. That is how I was weak. That’s what I’ll confess.”

       Two people with nothing left to give. Too weak to carry out what needed to be done. And in that moment, Beth knew she had won.

Notes:

We start this chapter with Daryl's POV. I really wanted you all to see his inner thoughts during that one particular moment from last chapter. I think it was important to see his head space, especially for upcoming chapters. We get a little glimpse of Mika too, who is having some serious PTSD, rightfully so. She witnessed way too much as a child.

Daryl's side of this is interesting. In a way he is almost seeing more than Beth did. Beth knows she's playing a part and she's exhausted, but Daryl truly sees how broken she is underneath all of that. And I'm not sure Beth even recognizes how truly broken she is at this point. But Daryl see it immediately. Like he said, "That wasn't his wife." And he's right. She had to become someone else, but in the process she lost a lot of herself.

Dwayne is a new character. One of the workers. I am basing his character off of one guy we see very briefly in season 8 after our group brings the horde outside of Sanctuary. This scene is the first time I am letting you guys in on what Beth has been doing with her time and freedom at Sanctuary. She's been building relationships with the workers. Trying to get an in. No one can convince me that there wasn't a group of workers that weren't plotting against Negan. There's just no way, especially with how Negan and his soldiers and lieutenants treat them. Now, we're seeing that side of things.

Another thing Beth has been doing is forming a connection with Amber. She's the young blonde girl in the show that sort of looks like Beth. She's more timid and fearful than Tanya and Frankie (and Sherry in the show). Beth recognizes herself in Amber and sees that she could have easily been Amber in a different world. This is why she goes out of her way to form a bond with her, but also because Amber seems to be the most miserable being with Negan.

The last scene was a doozy and something I am really proud of honestly! I took inspiration from Maggie's final speech to Negan in 11x24 and from the scene between Gabriel and Negan 8x05. Beth is fabricating a truth. She knows Negan appreciates the truth more than anything. Beth set him up to believe she felt trapped at Alexandria and made to feel useless by her family (obviously not true) after their visit. So this is just her hitting that ball she had already tee'd up. Negan sees her confessing to her weakness and confessing to something that he thinks she feels shame about. So, he does the same in return. She gives him something and he gives her something back. She's honest and he's honest in return.

He let's his mask down. And that's exactly how Beth knows she got him :) Anyways, all the love to you guys <3 I am beyond excited to hear what you guys think, especially about that last scene! Have a great week!

Chapter 42: One Week

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Happy Sunday! I hope you all are doing well.

As always, I can't wait to hear what you guys think about this chapter. There is definitely some revealing stuff in this chapter...

Anyways, I just want to say how thankful I am for you all. Truly, talking with you guys and writing this story for you all always makes my week. I couldn't do it without you. All the love, as always <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       Daryl killed because he had to. But that was a lie. He killed for so many reasons, but the one screaming at him now was revenge. It made him crave it. He'd never craved a kill until now. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that made him fucked up, but it was too far back and too muted to make a dent his overwhelming, obsessive need for Beth. In his desire to flay anyone alive until he got to her. His need was bone deep and there was no getting rid of it.

       He'd get her back or he'd die. There was no other option, but what he did know was either way he would leave bodies in his wake. It kept him awake at night. All the ways he would make Negan suffer. He'd start with the fingers. Work his way up the forearm to the shoulder. The clavicle to the chest. The stomach to the gro...

       "Daryl."

       He nearly started, but his head turned towards the sound of his name. Mika stood at the threshold of the living room, looking slightly embarrassed. It had to be close to two or three in the morning. He'd come back from his back-to-back watch shifts an hour ago. And although he was beyond exhausted, his mind wouldn't let him sleep.

       Daryl hadn't stepped foot in his and Beth's room since…he couldn't even remember the last time. Before they left for the Kingdom most likely. The couch had been his resting place. Sometimes if he tried hard enough, he could still hear Beth's muffled voice buried in his neck. He could feel her lips resting over his pulse. Her arms and legs wrapped around him like she couldn't physically pull him close enough.

       It was infuriating and making that need to kill all the more necessary. It's why he had cleared walkers for hours. His blade singing through anything he saw moving. When he had come out of the bloodlust, he realized he'd lost himself and Daryl had to follow the trail of walkers all the way back to Alexandria.

       Daryl sat up from the couch, fully turning towards Mika. The girl looked equally embarrassed and frightened. He sighed already knowing he was going to be way out of his depth. Beth should've been here. Not him. It should've been her.

       "What're ya doin' up?" His voice sounded rough even to his ears and he tried to soften it, not wanting to scare the girl any further.

       There were deep circles under her eyes that shouldn't be present on a kid her age. Her voice barely came out and it looked like she was about ready to cry, "I…I couldn't sleep."

       He cringed inwardly at the dread and exhaustion in the way she looked and spoke. He watched her, trying to figure out what to do, "Where's Carol?"

       "Asleep. I didn't wanna wake her or Carl."

       He hummed in acknowledgement, but Mika still stood frozen in front of him like she wanted to say something. Daryl pushed away all his previous thoughts, burying them deep with a vague stab of shame that someone like him with thoughts like that could even be in the same room as Mika. But then he remembered what Negan did to Tyreese and that shame disappeared as quickly as it had come.

       Daryl's eyes dropped to a stuffed rabbit dangling from her right hand that he hadn't noticed until now. He realized she'd been hiding it behind her back like she was afraid for him to see it. His hand twitched against his knee as he asked, "What ya got?" He wanted to get her to talk. That's what Beth would've done. He’d seen it enough times to know.

       The girl looked down at the rabbit almost like she'd forgotten it was there, "Used to help me sleep. Carl said it kept the nightmares away."

       He tensed up, "Don't anymore?" She shook her head, tears gathering in her eyes. Shit.

       He knew without asking what her nightmares were about. Daryl would give anything to take that pain from her. To take away the memories of her seeing Tyreese beat to death. Carl's eye cut out. Aidan's throat ripped out.

       His hand came up and beckoned her towards him, "Give it here."

       Mika stayed in place for a couple seconds, clearly surprised to be welcomed, before she walked across the living room towards him. It made his heart squeeze. She rested her rabbit in his hand, gently. He took it carefully and rolled it over, "Gotta let all the bad out. It's full, that's all."

       "Like a dreamcatcher?" She asked, sitting down next to him as he handed her back the stuffed animal after inspecting it like some sort of doctor.

       "Mhm," he grunted.

       She fell silent for a moment as she turned the rabbit over in her hands, “Do you get ‘em too?” Daryl didn’t answer for a second, but eventually nodded, not willing to lie to the girl. He chewed on his lip as she absorbed the truth. “It seems like you’re not scared of anything.”

       He shook his head, “Everyone’s afraid’a sumthin’.”

       I ain’t afraid of nothin’.

       His words came back to him. It felt so long ago, but that day with Beth was so clear even with the muddling of the moonshine. He had lied. He was always afraid. Daryl couldn’t remember a time when he wasn’t even before the world went to shit. It was like he spent his whole life being afraid until he couldn’t feel it anymore. It became too familiar. Too constant. Until he no longer recognized it for what it was.

       He'd been afraid then. And he was afraid now. More than he ever had been.

       Mika’s small voice finally broke, “I’m scared to sleep…That’s when I see him. I’m scared I’m gonna lose Carl and Carol and Rick and you. What if you all leave too? I can’t…I couldn’t.” Her breathing was getting shallower and shallower as she tried to suck air into her lungs. She heaved as the tears finally broke free and ran down her cheeks. Her knuckles were turning white as she gripped her stuffed animal to her chest. “I can’t…no—”

       “Mika. Breathe,” Daryl commanded, grabbing her shoulder to turn her towards him, “Breathe. None’a us are goin’ anywhere.”

       “But that’s what—” she choked over her words, “That’s what Tyreese said and he’s gone.”

        Every one of her sobs pierced Daryl right through the chest. Her words hitting him hard. Tyreese was a good man. His murder was senseless. Brutal. For no other reason than the fact that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He didn’t deserve the fate he got. A selfish part of him was glad he hadn’t witnessed it, but he’d still trade places with Mika if he could.

       Her breathing was slowing, but tears were still running down her cheeks. She looked up at him like he was her lifeline. Like he could help her and take her pain away with some wise words like Beth always did, but he wasn’t Beth. She was taken, her light ripped from her. What would she say?

       “Ain’t no one’ll be able ta replace him. Nothin’ can take the place of someone ya love bein’ gone. It’s gonna hurt. Gotta let it hurt. But that don’t mean that everythin’ that comes after is gonna break your heart.”

       Daryl watched his words hit Mika. He wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to say, but that’s all he had. He couldn’t promise the pain would go away. He couldn’t promise it would get easier. All he could say was that there’d be more. And maybe some of it would be bad, but some of it would be good too. She just had to hold on.

       Suddenly, he felt her arms wrap around his shoulders, hugging him tightly. At first, he was too stunned to move, but when she kept holding on, he felt his arm move of its own volition and gently pat her on the back. Tremors from her panic attack were still making her shake. She pulled away wiping her eyes, still clutching her rabbit. Mika’s eyes drifted down to it. Her fingers smoothed out the ears. It looked like she was trying to decide something.

       Finally, she held out her rabbit to him, “You said you had nightmares too. Maybe he’ll work for you. I think I filled him up already.”

       Her offer struck him so hard it nearly took him out. He remembered believing kindness would get people killed in this world. Until Beth. The fact that Mika was growing up in all this and could still be kind was beyond him. It took strength to not let all the bad in. It’s how Carl used to be, but ever since his eye was taken, he’d become angry. He lashed out. The only person Daryl never saw him lash out at was Mika.

       Daryl wasn’t sure what to do. He seemed to be frozen, looking between the stuffed animal and Mika, but she made the decision for him. She placed it in his lap. His fingers wrapped around it as he said, “Thank you.”

       “Mika.”

       He and Mika turned to see Carol. She looked too alert to have been sleeping soundly, but Mika didn’t seem to notice. She got up and started walking over to Carol. He watched as his friend ran a hand through Mika’s hair, clearly noticing that she’d been crying. Daryl turned away as they spoke, not wanting to intrude. Their hushed whispers eventually cut out and he heard Mika say, “Night, Daryl.”

       He nodded his head towards her as she disappeared around the corner. The creaking of the steps sounded as she climbed the stairs back to bed. He fidgeted with the rabbit as Carol came and slumped down next to him. She looked more exhausted than he did.

       “You ready for tomorrow?” she asked.

       “Mhm.”

       He’d been avoiding thinking about tomorrow. Rick’s plan was sound, but all he could see was all the ways things could go wrong. Every way Beth could suffer if they failed. Everyone was on edge, constantly paranoid. This had to work or Tyreese and Aidan wouldn’t be the only people dying in this war.

       Carol sighed, which told him she was about to hit him with some something, “I know you. You got to let yourself feel it. If you don’t, this won’t work. We need you. And not the you that’s been going out at all hours of the night to clear walkers. We’re going to make sure this works, but it doesn’t work without you.”

       Dayl huffed, “I’m here, aren’t I?”

       His friend sat up, placing her hand on the back of his head, and kissed the crown of his head, “Not here.”

       When she pulled back, he swore she was staring through to his soul. She was one of the few people that knew him better than he knew himself sometimes. He wouldn’t admit it, but she was right. He wasn’t here, not in the way that it mattered. He forced himself to stick around Alexandria, but his mind was constantly elsewhere.

       The couch shifted as she stood, leaving it empty, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

       Daryl nodded as she walked back out of the room. As the silence took over, his mind drifted. It spiraled down back to the gutters of hell where he belonged. Carol was right, but she wasn’t always around to pull him back from the edge. Silence used to be something he craved and now it pulsated in his head like a pounding drum.

       Beckoning him into the darkness.

 

 

~

 

 

       Beth felt him. Like a shadow he was always there. Protecting her. Taking care of her. Watching her. When she reached out into the darkness, she didn’t expect to fell anything, but when her fingers grazed warm skin, she held on and didn’t let go. She pulled herself towards him, not caring she was stepping further into the all-consuming darkness that swirled around them. She pulled until she was in his arms. And she fit perfectly because that’s where she always belonged.

       She couldn’t see his face, but she knew it was him. His smell was the same. The woods, earth, sweat, blood. It hit her full force, lulling her into a state of calm delirium. She knew his arms. The way they held her to his chest, completely enveloping her like he could protect her from the world. Beth reached a hand up until she felt his neck and then the scruff of his beard on his jaw.

       She whispered so quietly she could barely hear herself, not wanting to disturb the darkness, “Daryl.” It sounded like a plea. A plea for what, she wasn’t sure. All she knew was that she needed him. Craved him. And it was nearly unbearable.

       The only way she knew he heard her was by the way he shifted and pulled her tighter against him. She felt his head graze hers as he leaned down next to her ear, “One week.”

       Beth shivered. As his warm breath hit her ear, making her gasp softly. The noise was swallowed eagerly by the darkness that seemed to pulse around them. His voice slid down her body, igniting her in flames. Until his words actually registered: One week. What was in one week? She had a vague sense of feeling like it was important, but she couldn’t remember. Her stomach flipped as her heartbeat sped up. What was she forgetting? She sorted through her muddled mind like a filing cabinet, trying to uncover what she’d missed. Panic rose thick in her throat. She was about to ask him when his lips crashed into hers. Desperate and demanding.

       All sense of urgency faded into the back of her mind, taking her panic with it, as she let herself be consumed. Because what did it matter? She was safe. He was safe. They were together. Everything else could wait.

       She kissed him like she would never get the chance again. His tongue slid into her mouth, savoring her like she was the last meal he’d ever have. Beth gasped into him, “Please. I need to see you.” Just like before, it was a plea. She’d beg if he asked. Her pride had nothing on the feel of him against her.

       He broke away from her, abruptly ending their desperate attempts to get as close to each other as possible. She could hear his ragged breathing in the dark, his voice rough as he spoke, “One week.”

       The same panic she boxed in the back of her mind, pushed forward again, “Daryl, I don’t remember…”

       He rested his forehead against hers, but something wasn’t right. When her hands went back up to cup his face, she had to reach up higher than she normally did. His face was smooth, no scruff tickled the palms of her hands. Her heart plummeted. As she took a step back, he stepped forward wrapping his arm around her waist and crushing her to him. Except the arms around her weren’t Daryl’s anymore.

       The darkness moved with her distress, violently swirling around her. She shoved at his chest, but he barely moved. He held his ground and when his mouth pushed against hers, she bit down on his lip until she tasted blood. He yanked back, but his hand clasped around the nape of her neck with an iron grip. She didn’t have to see to know he was looking down at her through the darkness.

       “Who are you?”

       Negan’s voice slithered towards her, threatening to clasp around her throat and drag out whatever answer he wanted to hear. Disgust filled her to the brim as the two words she knew he wanted to hear sat on her tongue. The irony taste of blood still coated her mouth and throat. Another oilier acidic taste invaded her senses. Fitting for a snake, she thought as she struggled against him, but it was no use. It was like struggling against a brick wall.

       His face got closer until she felt his breath on her cheek, “Who are you, Beth?”

       A sob she didn’t know she’d been holding in ripped from her chest. Who was she? She knew exactly who she was. What he wanted to hear. There was no getting out of this. She’d never be free. The shackles around her limbs would only grow heavier until she could no longer lug them around. Of all the things she could remember, this was the one that ran the deepest, because she knew it to be true.

       “Say it,” Negan urged.

       Beth slumped against him, giving in, “A monster.”

 

 

~

 

 

       She woke with a start. More than a start. It was like breaking the surface after being taken under by a tidal wave. Like everything, it was violent. And when her eyes finally adjusted, the rug was pulled out from under her again. She wasn’t home and in bed with Daryl. No, she was selling herself to Negan.

       Beth couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so disoriented from one of her nightmares. It rapidly faded in her mind, but the terror and agony stayed, imprinting on her consciousness. A monster. She heard her voice say it over and over. A monster. A monster. A monster. What she would do today would make her one. She approached the line and was ready to leap over it. She would sacrifice her soul.

       Because what could one life be worth if not the lives of her family. Of everyone in the sanctuary that buckled under Negan’s rule. One life for all of theirs.

       The nightmare continued to fade, but the effects were tattooed on her consciousness. It was only made worse by the fact that he had Daryl in her arms and he was torn away from her and replaced with an imposter. She had him and now he was gone. It hurt more than the two words that were still ringing in her head. She did what she had to and then she got to live. She could be a monster, but she didn’t always have to be a monster. That was the difference.

       Beth shook her thoughts away and went over the plan in her mind over and over again, thinking of every possible way that things could go wrong as she got ready and strapped all five of her knives to her body. The two she had gotten from the convenience store back in Georgia were at her hips. The three she’d gotten from Dwayne were all hidden. One in her boot. One in a small compartment she’d sewn into the inner sleeve of her jacket. And one in her pocket.

       Surprisingly, Negan never confiscated her gun, but he did keep his word and move Mark up so he wasn’t working for points anymore. Negan sending Amber to spy on her had been a move she hadn’t considered, but it was an unknown final piece. Mark was a soldier now and he despised Negan. He’d turn on him if the tide started to change in the worker’s favor. He’d do it to get Amber out.

       A static ripple pierced through the room, interrupting her routine. Beth looked over to the walkie talkie sitting on the table in the middle of the room. A grainy voice started speaking, “Beth, get to the council room.”

       Speak of the devil. But something in his tone made her feet root to the ground. Normally, Negan had some long winded, asinine way of summoning her somewhere. This sounded cold and straightforward, two things he wasn’t normally. That tone of voice yanked her back to her nightmare. It was like hearing his voice had wiped the windshield clear. She remembered what Daryl had been saying. One week. It had been almost a week. She wasn’t sure if Daryl meant five days or seven, but it had been five since she was in Alexandria. Now, she was getting all her ducks in a row, hoping that when whatever happened happened, the Sanctuary would come crumbling down with it.

       She tried to force the rest of her nightmare away, but she could feel Negan’s body against hers, invading her senses. Forcing her to reveal the truth she already knew deep down. He pulled it from her through aggressive coercion, like he did everything. He was in her head and that was not a place she wanted him to be, because once he wormed his way in, she wouldn’t be able to get rid of him.

       Before she could evaluate anything further, she swung open her door and stormed towards the meeting room.

 

 

       “Do you know what today is?”

       Negan was sitting at the head of a long wooden table. A cold greyness overtook the room, no semblance of warmth coming from the blue hues and concrete. His mouth was downturned in the corners, so she knew he was mad, but she hadn’t figured out why quite yet. Beth knew his question wasn’t rhetorical, so she answered, “Tuesday.”

       It was meant as a sarcastic jest, but her dry inflectionless tone made it sound more like a jab and less of a joke. And it only seemed to piss Negan off more. Lucille was resting on the table in front of him like a huge blinking caution sign saying: Proceed carefully! She’d stopped being careful a long time ago, but she didn’t want to die right before the finish line. So, she added, “You meet with your lieutenants.”

       Throughout her time at Sanctuary, she started picking up the schedule. Negan liked to meet with his lieutenants every two weeks on Tuesdays. It allowed them to make supply drops to the Sanctuary from their outposts. And he got an update on relations between the outposts and the communities they were supposed to steal from.

       “That’s right,” he said in an almost mocking tone, “Do you see anyone in this room right now?”

       Beth wouldn’t lower herself by glancing around, instead she just answered, “No.”

       He leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table, a dangerous look in his eyes, “And way do you think that is?”

       She was sick of the questions. Why was he acting like this was her fault? He chose his lieutenants. If they couldn’t show up on time, that was no one’s fault, but his own. However, as she stared at Negan longer, she realized he didn’t just look pissed off, he looked…disturbed. She couldn’t say why, but his cool demeanor was gone and replaced by a certain edge that made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. She imagined this is what being being stuck in a cage with a starving hyena would feel like. Negan was circling.

       So, she rerouted and adjusted her strategy. She made her face drop into something that resembled concern. Her eyebrows furrowed and her voice adopted a softer tone, “Negan, what happened? Where’re they?”

       She stepped closer to him like she wanted to reach out to him, but thought better of it. He seemed to catch it, because his eyes narrowed in on her and gave her a once over like he was assessing what that little step towards him meant. Finally, he stood dragging Lucille across the wood table as he walked in front of her. Before she could react, he placed his bat underneath her chin and pushed her head up to meet his eyes.

       Her mind was reeling. Don’t show him fear. Don’t let him see you break. Show him concern and compassion. Show him what he craves. Negan’s eyes scanned her face and then she saw his mask drop and the anger dissipate. He removed Lucille from under her chin, but didn’t take a step back. He was still watching her, but in a different way. And she wasn’t sure she wanted to dive deeper into how it was different.

       Beth repeated, “What happened?”

       Negan reached behind him and pulled out a walkie talkie and handed it to her, “Turn it a channel over. Goes to our Satellite outpost.”

       Carefully taking it from his hands, she did as she was told, but hesitated. She caught the ‘our’ that he had let slip out. Whether it was on intended or calculated, she wasn’t sure, but her feelings were mixed. She wasn’t sure whether to celebrate or be worried. It was a fine line with Negan. This dance that they were doing had too many complicated steps and they were doing them at a lightning pace.

       The walkie was heavy in her hand. She was unsure of what she was supposed to do or how this had anything to do with why Gary, Gavin, and Regina weren’t here for their meeting. Gary was the new person in charge of the Satellite outpost, so he should have been on his way here to meet with Negan. They all should have been. Of all the people she wanted to be talking to right now, Gary probably ranked lower than Negan. He cut out Carl’s eye and he boasted about it any chance he got. She would’ve killed him by now if she could’ve, but he was rarely here and it would draw too much attention. It had to wait.

       Regardless, it seemed Negan wanted to show her something, so she held the walkie up to her mouth and said, “Hello? Ya there, Gary?”

       She lifted her finger off the button and static filled the room. In her peripherals, she saw Negan watching her carefully. Something was wrong. Very wrong. Negan had given her his trust, but now it seemed like he was doubting it, even though she hadn’t done anything to make him suspect her. She hadn’t done anything to betray him. Not yet.

       The static continued until it abruptly came to a stop and a voice filled the room, “He’s not here right now. Get me, Negan.”

       Beth’s heart stopped.

       She knew that voice. Even over the walkie, she would know that voice anywhere.

       Rick.

       Her eyes widened and threatened to fill with tears, but she knew Negan was watching. The surprise on her face was genuine, but she hid her relief and love behind a bricked-up wall in her mind. She forced herself to disguise her love and devotion as confusion and worry. When she turned her mask towards Negan, she shook her head like she was at a loss for words.

       Negan plucked the walkie from her hands and brought it to his mouth, “You have my attention, prick. Lemme hear it.”

       Static barely had enough time to fill the room before Rick answered, “Gary, Regina, and Gavin. I’m makin’ a proposal. You have one’a my people. We got three’a yours. We wanna make an exchange. No one gets hurt.”

       “An’ what if I start cuttin’ pieces off of Beth ‘til you deliver my people back to safety?”

       “I got it on good authority that ya don’t like ta hurt women. ‘Less you’re makin’ ‘em your wives. Doubt this’ll change that.”

       Oh. Rick was good. He all but insinuated that someone under Negan had sung like a canary, or worse, was a double agent. Since they were trying to trade for her, Negan could rule out that it was Beth giving them information. She knew it was Dwight, but he didn’t know that. He’d assume it was someone at the Sanctuary. It would plant a kernel of doubt in his mind. Rick was just compounding exactly what she’d been doing since she got here.

       Negan looked to her, his face morphed back into one of anger and irritation and she adopted one of resignation. When he didn’t answer Rick, she realized he was looking for an answer from her. Beth knew she had to tread lightly or all her work would be undone.

       “Ya can’t give ‘em up. Losin’ them will…it’ll be bad,” Beth reasoned, but tried her hardest to look somewhat defeated, “They’re more valuable than me. ‘Specially right now.”

       “You sayin’ I should trade you?”

       She feigned uncertainty, “I don’t know, Negan. All I know is the workers are strugglin’ without good supplies. They took out Simon’s crew and the Sanctuary is payin’ for it. If they take out Gavin, Regina, and Gary. Things here are only gonna get worse. An’ regardless of what ya think ‘bout the people below you, they keep this place runnin’. If they’re neglected, this place won’t last.”

       A smirk started to form on Negan’s lips in the midst of everything, “They?”

       Beth nearly laughed. She was hoping he’d catch that. She was hoping it would be enough to draw his attention away from what she was actually suggesting: Trade her. Detaching herself from her family could have been an extreme move, maybe too extreme, but after their conversation two nights ago and after the way she caught him looking at her, the risk was worthwhile.

       She broke eye contact, letting her gaze drift to the floor like she was hiding her slip up. She heard him tsk and she brought her eyes back up to him. He looked very pleased, but he was also simmering with some energy she couldn’t quite pinpoint.

       “You think after everything I’m still gonna give you up? Huh?”

       Beth’s stomach dropped, but she forced herself to stay calm. Had she pushed him too far? “After everything, I expect you to be smart. There’re people here I care about.”

       That wasn’t a lie. Amber was here. Dwayne. Cynthia. Alberto. Mark. There were good people here. And she wanted to see them live. If Negan didn’t trade her, he’d be damning them all and he knew it. She wasn’t worth it. She couldn’t be. Not to mention, if he didn’t accept, he would be broadcasting how valuable she was to him. And that would be opening a whole other can of worms that she was sure he didn’t want to touch.

       A flash of sadness crossed Negan’s face. She could tell it wasn’t fake and for the first time, it didn’t irritate her. Before she could contemplate it any further, his face fell and hardened again and he brought the walkie up to his face, “Alright, prick. I accept your offer.”

       A few second passed before Rick responded, “Where Dyson Road meets route 301, there’s a tire shop. Tomorrow at noon.”

       There was a clicking sound and Rick was gone. A warm feeling spread through her chest. They were coming for her. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise, but a part of her was. It was risky for them to compromise themselves just for her. For one person. But that’s always how they did things. They never left one of their own behind. It made her all the more eager to get home. And she had no doubt Daryl had been right next to Rick.

       Many emotions were threatening to pour over and she couldn’t have that. She shut it down and buried it.

       “He gonna put that hatchet of his in my back?” Negan asked.

       She shook her head, telling the truth, “He wouldn’t risk it. Not durin’ a trade like this. If he wanted ta come for ya, he woulda blindsided you. Made sure you never saw it comin’. Less movin’ parts that way. There’re too many things that could go wrong now.”

       Negan shifted towards her, “You wanna go back?”

       She averted her gaze, avoiding the question, “I wanna see my family.”

       “That’s not what I asked.”

       “I don’t want anyone else to die,” she sighed, tilting her head up towards him, “But someone told me I was too naïve for my own good. An’ it would get me killed. Maybe, that’s just what’s supposed to happen.”

       His eyebrows furrowed looking down at her, “You’ve got some big balls, Beth Greene.”

       His words hit Beth hard because they were sincere. He wasn’t just yanking her chain. He cared.

       Beth tried to reconcile the person she saw standing in front of her now and the person she remembered killing Tyreese and Aidan. And she couldn’t. She couldn’t understand how they could be the same. How she could believe the empathy and sincerity Negan was showing her now, but also the sadist way he killed and led.

       And she started wondering if the truth that she’d showed him two nights ago was more the truth than she had even realized. Would she be able to kill him when the time came?

       She wasn’t sure it would be simple anymore.

Notes:

Woo. This one was interesting. Got a lot of character information going on in this one. So, we start with Daryl. And by the first couple of paragraphs and the last couple lines of his POV, you can see he is NOT doing well. Our boy is in deep and spiraling into a very dark place. Again, this is a consequence of the amazing bond Daryl and Beth have, but also the underlying co-dependency issues they both have developed. This is season 8 Daryl, but mixed with the fact that someone he's deeply in love with has been taken.

I wanted to add another conversation with Mika in here because I think it shows that Daryl still has some control over himself and his emotions. He's not fully gone because he's surrounded by family, but he's certainly teetering on the edge constantly. Mika is, of course, struggling with nightmares. The girl has witnessed way too much. I think she finds comfort in Daryl because he never lies to her or sugar coats things. Kids can always tell that sort of thing. Daryl's conversation with Carol is reminiscent of their conversation in 5x10. She'd trying to bring him back, but, again, it's not going to be that simple.

Beth's nightmare goes over a lot, but at the core of it I think there's a lot of fear that she's similar to Negan. We know she's not, but Beth thinks she's done some horrible things. She believes she's a monster and she's starting to see Negan as "not a monster", but a "monster when he needs to be". It's jarring for her. It would be a lot easier if Negan was fully just a sadist piece of shit like the Governor, but he's not. And I'm not saying Negan isn't a monster. He very much is. I'm just saying he's also more than that too. That's what makes him a good villain. And Beth has a good heart. She sees it, even if she doesn't want to.

Finally, I have revealed a little bit of the plan to you! Next chapter, we'll get Rick and Daryl's POV of how all of it went down. The last scene is one of my favorite conversations I've written between Beth and Negan. It's steeped in a lot of emotions and truths and lies. I'm so curious to see what everyone's thoughts are on it, especially the last line. Oh, and I'm curious to know what you all think is going on in Negan's head??

Anyways, all the love and come chat with me about all your thoughts! <3

Chapter 43: Clariaxel Tire Shop

Notes:

Hello lovelies and welcome to this MONSTER of a chapter (pun intended). Oh boy, this chapter took so long to write and had so many rewrites and alternate scenes/endings, but its finally here!

I'm genuinely so jazzed to hear what you all think! I struggled hardcore with trying to write realistically, but also end the chapter where I wanted it to end. Anyways, love you guys and I hope this chapter feeds you what you've been wanting <3 See you in the comments :)

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       "Don’t kill him!” Rick roared across the road, “Three's better than two!"

       Rick ran for Daryl, who was crouched over one of Negan’s guys about to pummel him to death with the butt of his gun. Abraham got to him first and dragged Daryl off the Savior’s body. He was banged up and unconscious, but he’d live. From what Rick could tell, it was Gary, Negan’s newest lieutenant. The man that cut his son’s eye out. Anger pierced through him, dimming his vision. Before it could take over, Rick rolled him over, not being careful enough to avoid smashing his nose into the simmering asphalt, and zip tied his hands and feet.

       “Get off me!” Daryl bellowed from his left. Rick turned to see Abraham pull his arm away from Daryl’s chest. He looked like a caged animal as he paced back and forth. Rage, he had never seen came off of him in waves. He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen his brother so bloodthirsty. If anyone understood, it was him and Abraham. Rick no longer wanted to reign Daryl in, no he needed him unleashed, but that meant he needed to be the clear headed one. And he'd do it. Daryl did it for him when Lori had died. It was his time to repay that debt.

       Beth was his family. He loved her and he couldn't stop thinking about all the times he had missed out on telling her that. On telling her how valuable and integral she was to this family. Rick couldn't imagine what she was going through. He didn't want to. He couldn't, because if he did, he'd be in the same place as Daryl. So, he got to work.

       “Load him up,” Rick commanded, before running towards the second Savior car stopped at their tree barricade. Maggie and Gabriel were stood over another unconscious man. Rick tilted his head to see his face. Gavin. Ezekiel had given them a thorough description and he fit the bill.

       Maggie spoke up, “He’s shot in the shoulder. Clean through. Shouldn’t be an issue.”

       Rick nodded, “Good. Where’s the last one?”

       Gabriel nodded towards the last vehicle, “Abraham and Sasha took her down first.” Gabriel looked at all the extra bodies littering the road. No more than six, but enough to add at least another thirty minutes to being out in the open on the road. They were close too Sanctuary.

       “Get ‘em in the car. Abraham. Maggie. Sasha. Take ‘em back to Alexandria. We’ll take care of the rest here. No point for us all ta be stuck out here,” Rick said.

       Everyone rushed into action. Abraham threw Gary over his shoulder and haphazardly threw him in the trunk of the Lincoln they’d drove here. Maggie and Sasha carried Regina over and placed her in the trunk. And Rick helped Gabriel drag Gavin over. Abraham, Maggie, and Sasha were already filing into the car when Daryl slammed the trunk shut.

       Rick knocked on the hood of the car, “Go.”

       He didn’t have time to watch them peel off back towards Alexandria with their bargaining chips. He didn’t have time to feel relieved. Because this was the easy part.

       His brother was already dealing with the other Savior bodies as Gabriel went to clear the trees from the road. It needed to be exactly how they found it. Or as close as possible. Negan would know something was up within a couple hours, maybe sooner. It had been a risky plan. Almost too risky to commit to, but they were out of options. Leaving Beth at Sanctuary for more than two weeks wasn’t an option. He trusted the intel Dwight and Glenn had been gathering since Negan took Beth. Dwight had vaguely known that Negan’s lieutenants turned up to Sanctuary periodically every month, but he wasn’t sure what day or what time. They both went out every day scouting out the roads that led Sanctuary. Rick knew the risk of asking Dwight to scout for them.

       Daryl had taken the burden on himself when he went to deliver the news about Negan to Hilltop. Dwight volunteered right away. And Rick refused to let Dwight’s sacrifice go unnoticed. He was risking everything by being so close to his former community, but Dwight was angry. Angrier than he’d ever seen the man. And he was done playing nice. They all were.

       Rick had half a mind to send someone into Sanctuary. Someone Negan wouldn’t recognize. That had been Glenn’s plan when they first discovered Hilltop, but Rick couldn’t bring himself to risk another one of his family.

       Then last Tuesday, Dwight saw three vehicles speeding down one of the roads towards Sanctuary before the sun had hit its peak in the sky. He confirmed all three of Negan’s lieutenants were driving. Three of his people for one of theirs. That was the plan.

       “Rick, I’m going to dump this one. We can drive the others back with us,” Gabriel said, gesturing towards one of the three Savior vehicles.

       Rick nodded, “Good, go.”

       As the rumbling start of the ignition cut through the eerie silence, he started disposing of the rest of the bodies. Daryl was just walking back out of the woods, when Gabriel pulled away. He stabbed two Saviors in the head, the squelching filling the air.

       “Already got’em all,” Daryl rumbled behind him.

       Not wanting to cause any waves, Rick sheathed his knife and said, “Alright.”

       But it seemed it didn’t matter, Daryl was adamant about having it out, “Ain’t think I got it handled?”

       Rick rolled his head on his shoulders, letting out a sigh, “I’m not gonna hold ya, Daryl. I’m just doin’ what you did for me. Don’t get it twisted.”

       It wasn't lost on him how much Daryl and Beth had already lost. Losing each other would kill them. Beth had practically lost her whole family. Mother, father, brother, family friends. Everyone around her. And Daryl was no better off. They needed each other. He’d seen what they were both like without the other. It was like watching a person walk around without their heart beating in their chest. Even just witnessing it was hell, let alone experiencing it.

       A long time ago, he promised Hershel he’d keep Beth and Maggie safe. Rick promised his brother he’d get Beth back. And that’s what he planned on doing.

       Daryl didn’t say anything after that, but Rick could see he got to him. They continued working in silence until all the bodies were stashed in the woods. Gabriel came jogging down the street not but five minutes later. His black clothes and white collar standing out starkly against all the greenery lining the road. And without another word, Daryl hopped into the other car they brought from Alexandria and drove away. Rick and Gabriel took the other two cars and followed suit. They’d make contact when they were safely back in Alexandria. He stared at the walkie talkie resting on the dashboard.

       Driving back towards home, Rick still didn’t feel relieved.

 

 

~

 

 

       Negan killed because he wanted to. Because it was necessary. Power required it. Power required fear. Reverence. And he wouldn't lie, he liked it. He liked how people knelt in his presence. How people trembled at the thudding of his boots down the hallway. What he didn't enjoy was the betrayal. He never understood it. It was simple. Follow the rules and live. Break them and get punished.

       What he enjoyed less than betrayal was incompetence. Incompetence got people killed unnecessarily. And that shit would not slide. Put the two together and it was a recipe for some good old fashioned face ironing. Negan wasn't a fan of the punishment, but it made a statement. He hated the sniveling and the groveling. Take the punishment. Make amends and get over that shit. That's how it worked. He could've killed them. At least they could be grateful for that, but that's never how it worked out. No matter how much he provided, there would always be the ungrateful ones.

       Negan looked around at all his people all gathered around on the ground floor of Sanctuary. He had to make an example because incompetence would not slide. If a pin dropped, he'd hear it. The sizzling of the flame on the iron was the only sound he could hear, until it was interrupted by the begging and pleading.

       "I… I don't know how they got there. I gave them back. I know I did. I remember. If… If I misplaced 'em I'm sure I could find them."

       Fat Joey bumbled like an idiot. It irritated Negan more than the fact that he lost the keys to the armory. At first, he'd suspected Mark, but Fat Joey himself had confirmed he was the last one to use them last night. And he really didn't have time to deal with this this morning. Not when Rick the prick was breathing down his neck with this exchange at noon. Not when no one, but Beth, Laura, and a couple of his other trusted soldiers knew about his lieutenants being taken. Not when the Sanctuary was balancing on a very unstable cliff. So, no he didn't have time or patience for incompetence.

       Negan felt Beth's eyes on him, as he pulled out the iron from the furnace. It was a cold emotionless look. One he'd gotten used to. One he'd grown to like.

       "It don't really matter much if you could find 'em or not. You lost 'em. This ain't just losin' the keys to your alcoholic mother's liquor cabinet. No, this is life an' death," Negan pulled his own gun from behind him, displaying it for everyone to see, "This is worth more than gold. It's life now. You, Fat Joey, jeopardized everyone's life in this room. Why do we follow the rules?"

       Immediate responses popped up from the crowd of people, almost in unison, "The rules keep us alive."

       "That is right. We survive. We provide security to others. We bring civilization back to this world. We are the Saviors. But we can't do that without rules. Rules are what make all of this work," He raised his voice, "I know it's not easy, but there's always work! There is always a cost. Here, if you try to skirt it, if you try to cut that corner, then it is the iron for you. Fat Joey, I'm sorry, but it is what it is."

       Fat Joey looked like a blubbering mess. His lip was actually quivering, "No… No sir, but—"

       Negan cocked his head, "But?"

       Fat Joey looked around the room for help. Most people dropped their heads, hid from the reality of what was about to happen. They refused to look at him strapped to the chair. Refused to look at Negan as he made his point. But not Beth. She was looking straight at him, unwavering. It made him want to preform for her. Let her see the weight of the power he held. Show her the power she could have if she stood by his side. Sanctuary could be theirs.

       Fat Joey was whimpering, alternating between begging and saying he could fix this. And he couldn't take it anymore. He wanted this over. Negan strode towards him and dug the hot iron into the side of his face. And his screams echoed off the concrete walls, bouncing around and hitting him in the skull like a swing from Lucille. It ping-ponged through his head. And even though it was an effective punishment, Negan hated it more than he'd ever admit to anyone. But it had to be done. He'd live with the screams later.

       Eventually, the screams turned to deep, agonized moans until Fat Joey passed out. Negan removed the iron taking his skin with it. The stench of burning flesh filled the room. Just another thing he hated about it, but it was necessary. And so was the humiliation. He looked down to see a puddle of piss underneath the chair, "Pussy pissed himself and then passed out. Get him out of here. It's settled." Negan turned to everyone still gathered in utter silence and fear besides some muffled whimpers, "Let Fat Joey's face be a reminder to him and to everyone else that the rules matter. I hope that we all learned somethin' today. Because I don't ever wanna do that again."

       He wasn't lying about that last part. He rarely lied. It didn't suit him and it got him nowhere. The truth unsettled people more than lies ever did.

       As the wave of people started moving to get back to work, his eyes locked on Beth. She had the same expression on her face. Cold and emotionless. There were times when he wanted to crack her skull open just to see what was going on inside it.

       Because Beth was a liar. Negan knew it. He felt it. But there was something else. She lied about small things, but told the truth when it was important. She even told the truth when she probably shouldn't. Nobody had ever had the balls to say they wanted to kill him to his face. At least not the people that still wanted to live afterwards. It was the small lies that he couldn't wrap his head around. The hidden weapons. Her resentment. She hid it well, but he could see. She was masterful. He should've been angrier. Should've kept her at arm’s length, but he couldn't. 

       She was hiding something. Why else lie about the small things? He wanted to keep her and he found himself contemplating how to make that happen. She infuriated him. Made him weak, but he wanted to keep her. Break her open and see what really laid underneath the surface. What was she showing him and what was real? Her emotions were real. He could tell by the way they filled up any room she was in. But there was something hidden. Deep down and he wanted it for himself. Whatever it was. Betrayal, lies, revenge, resentment. Or was it something more heinous. Something she couldn't even admit to herself. Like empathy for the man who killed her husband.

       Negan never lied to her. Not once. He wanted to share this place with her. Wanted her place to be at his side, but more than anything he wanted her to want it. Those were the rules after all: If you wanted something, take it.

 

 

~

 

 

       Beth strode to her room, picking up the pace as she got closer. By the time she swung her door open and locked it behind her, she was falling apart at the seams. Beth couldn't even make it to the sink before she threw up. Her knees slammed into the ground as she retched up the little breakfast she had that morning. As she gagged, she wiped at her nose vigorously, trying to get the smell of burning flesh to leave her nose. She heaved. Her tears mixed with her snot as they cascaded down her face. Her fingers dug into the concrete below her making them ache. 

       Beth tried to find anything to ground her, but it was all eating her alive. Joey's seared face flashed in her mind, his screams in her ears. That was her fault. She had told herself: One life for all of theirs. What could one life be worth if not the lives of her family. She would leap over the line and sacrifice everything about herself. She'd be the monster.

       That was the cost: Joey's face and maybe his life. His humiliation. His suffering. Beth had done that to someone innocent.

       She dry-heaved, her body caving in on itself as it tried to get rid of the ugly guilt and shame twisting her insides. She started to shake, unable to find any footing or toe hold to climb out of this endless pit. She had done this. Joey would be eternally maimed because of her. He could be dead for all she knew and it wasn't like she had time to check. Negan would be coming to get her in an hour. And she wasn't sure how she could stand to be in the same room as him anymore. Let alone have a civilized conversation with him. But was he really to blame?

       She was the one that stole the armory keys from Joey. She knew what the punishment for him would be, but she did it anyway. Handed the keys off to Dwayne and let the secret die with her, but the evidence of her secret was all over the floor. She was the monster that hid in plain sight. At least, Negan never tried to hide who he truly was. Or who he had to be. She cowered in the face of who she could be. Cowered at the things she'd done in the name of family. She didn't regret them, but they'd haunt her in this life and the next.

       What would her daddy think?

        A sob retched passed her lips and bounced around the room. She thought to herself: she'd do what she had to and then she'd get to live. And then she'd atone.

       What would Daryl think?

       He fell in love with a girl that believed good people still existed. That believed good prevailed over the wicked. Beth couldn't remember the exact moment that girl died, but she had died screaming. Would he still love her after this? After everything she had done. She knew the answer without even questioning it. He would, but she wasn't sure she could love herself after this.

       Beth sobbed and heaved and fell. Down, down, down she went, spiraling into her despair until she couldn't see the way out anymore. Somewhere in the basement of her soul, she stayed. The only comforts were the ever-creeping darkness that threatened to overtake her fully. And it occurred to her, why was she even fighting it anymore. Her light had already been snuffed out. What happened when the good turned wicked? There was nothing left. 

       So, Beth sunk into the darkness.

 

 

~

 

 

       Clariaxel Tire Shop was a small rundown building with a bright coat of yellow and orange paint. The parking lot looked like mud cracks baking in the hot Virginia sun. The windows of the building were all broken and the roll up garage doors were smashed in. There wasn’t a walker in sight. She wondered if Rick had cleared the area before he chose it, because everything was too… clear. Too simple.

       Beth scanned the area looking for any signs of a trap. Rick or Negan’s. Although Negan trusted her, she doubted he’d tell her if he was planning to double cross her family. He knew she loved them and she’d fight for them regardless of whatever imagined rift he thought there was between them. He wasn’t an idiot. Even though everything looked clear, her gut told her something was off. It couldn’t be this easy. Negan would see this as a slight or, at most, an act of war. The only reason he wasn’t coming out swinging already was because he couldn’t risk Regina, Gavin, and Gary. Not after he lost Simon and his crew.

       Laura, Arat, and Jed were the only three soldiers he brought. A part of her wondered if he brought so few because he didn’t want more people to know that his lieutenants were captured. It would sow more discord among his people. Negan knew all he had was fear. She told him as much. If his people started to realize others were fighting back and winning, what was to stop them from doing the same? But it still irked her that he only brought three.

       He disarmed her of four of her knives, but didn’t restrain her. She wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or offended. She knew logically it was a sign of his trust, but some part of her still thought he didn’t restrain her because he didn’t see her as a threat. Regardless, she felt naked without all her knives, especially being out in the open like this.

       Beth shifted in her seat, eyes still scanning the trees that lined route 301 South and Dyson Road. They swayed in the wind, beckoning her to come and join their comforting embrace. The panic she had put a cap on was beginning to rise again. Something wasn’t right. This was too easy. It was the same feeling she got after walking into that school. The eeriness made goosebumps break out on the back of her neck even in the hot Virginia summer heat.

       “Negan,” her voice broke the silence. It sounded small and croaky, like she’d been screaming for hours. Negan turned to her with a somewhat surprised look on his face, like it was the first time he was hearing her say his name. “Are you gonna kill them?”

       Beth held her breath, feeling sick to her stomach. She watched his face change from open to closed as he smirked, “What? You don’t trust me?”

       She didn’t latch on to his nonchalant egotism. Beth had seen him without his mask and she knew he was in there somewhere. She’d get to him one way or another, “I trust that you’ll tell me the truth.”

       His face fell at her words, mask slipping off as quickly as he had put it on. His forehead creased as he watched her. And that’s when his eyes locked on hers. Tears were threatening to spill onto her cheeks. Beth never wanted to cry in front of him, not after the line up at Kingdom, but she was struggling to keep them at bay now. Maybe seeing her truth would help him understand how much she couldn’t do this anymore. That this game they were playing was killing her.

       “It’s up to them whether they wanna live,” Negan said, his tone serious.

       “Ya know I’d do anythin’ for them,” Beth responded more to herself than him.

       Negan nodded, looking almost irritated at her confession as he tapped his hand on the steering wheel on the truck, “Startin’ to.”

       It shouldn’t come as a surprise to him, but she guessed his irritation came from her thinly-veiled lies about being caged behind the walls of Alexandria. Pushed aside and not taken seriously. Beth was wondering now if she’d gone too far. This connection she had so carefully forged with Negan was how she survived at Sanctuary, but it could just as easily doom her now. If he was too attached, he would be more unpredictable. He could get it in his head that he’d be saving her from the very people she wanted to go home to. Saving her from living a life in the shadows.

       What he didn’t know was that’s what she was doing now. Beth was living in the shadows, hunkering down and using them as protection. Now, she wasn’t sure if she could ever go back. They’d become a comfort, even though they were a source of agony. They whispered in her ear, made her paranoid, held her hostage, but what if she had learned to love them?

       “Would you do the same for those people you said you cared ‘bout back at Sanctuary?” Negan asked suddenly, pulling her from her self-pity party.

       She thought about the people she cared about: Dwayne, Amber, Mark, Cynthia, Alberto. And she realized, she already had. Beth had gotten Joey maimed for them, so they could have a chance to take the Sanctuary back for themselves. She destroyed piece after piece of herself not just for her family, but for them too.

       “I would.” Her words were hard and final. There wasn’t any room for argument because it was true. Not in the way Negan wanted it to be true, but it was nonetheless.

       He hummed at her response, “I did a number on you, didn’t I?”

       Beth rolled her eyes, but a smile crept onto her lips, “Ya did somethin’.”

       For the first time since she was taken, she looked down at her ring and spun it around her finger. She knew Daryl would be here. He’d always come for her and for the first time in a long time, she was nervous to see him. He was one of the people that knew her best. He could see right through her at the worst of times and read her every thought at the best. Daryl would see all her broken parts immediately. He’d see she changed and not for the better.

       “You know, I wasn’t sure he was your husband ‘til after… I wasn’t gunnin’ for ya,” Negan said with too much sincerity.

       Beth sucked in a breath as she was yanked back to that night. Back to Aidan bleeding out in front of her. She pushed it down, down, down, and away. Bringing her mind back to the present, she nearly gasped out, “Why? Why him?”

       Negan actually looked pained as he answered, “He never broke. When we were…interrogatin’ your guys. He never gave you all up. Even after we put a timer on him and let Simon bite Aaron. It was Sasha that broke first. After that, I knew he’d end up bein’ a problem later. I just got lucky with threatin’ you. And he happened to be the first asshole who stepped in. But it was always gonna be him.”

       Beth felt a cold sense of apathy run up her spine. Her mind became a cage, protecting her from Negan’s truth. His words battered against her brain and heart, wanting to get in to wreak havoc. But everything just became a dull throbbing. Her ears were ringing, but that was the only sign of the distress she’d shielded herself from.

       It was always gonna be him.

       He never broke.

       Dolor hic tibi proderit olim.

       Something warm flooded Beth’s hand. When she looked down, she saw her finger nails had dug so far into her palm blood was trailing down it towards her wrist. She remembered seeing something similar except it was gushing out of her wrist instead. And everything suddenly felt vaguely like déjà vu. A flash of a possible future played out in her head. So many endless possibilities, but only one popped into her head.

       The rumbling of a car engine snapped her out of her trance. Beth covered her hand, trying to hide the blood. Negan seemed to have drifted off into his own head, contemplating whatever possible futures or pasts he saw unfolding now.

       Beth’s heart sped up as two cars pulled into the parking lot across from them. She saw a shock of red hair and immediately recognized Abraham driving one of the vehicles. Beth wasn’t able to see anyone else before they positioned their cars in just a way where the glare of the sun blocked anyone from seeing inside. Everything was still for a moment. And everything around her disappeared as her eyes narrowed in on the two cars.

       She held her breath as Beth watched Maggie step out of the car first. And she nearly crumbled. Why was she here? Why of all people? Why would Rick bring her here? But then again, it was Maggie. No one could stop her sister from doing anything, let alone coming for Beth. She couldn’t blame her. She would've done the same, but now, her sister was in this. And she had to get her out of this alive. It was another person she had to worry about. Another connection she had to hid from Negan. What he didn’t know, he couldn’t use against her.

       Maggie’s eyes were glued to their truck as she rounded the back of the vehicle. The next person Beth saw was Rick. He stepped out of the driver's side of the same car Maggie was in and posted up in front of the car, facing them. His face was stone cold. It was the same Rick that had led them through the world after Terminus. Loyal, violent, calculating, and unyielding. The only weapons she could see on him were his python, holstered at his hip, and a hatchet hanging at the other hip. She was sure he had other weapons hidden on his person, but Beth’s focus was drawn away when the back door of the same car opened.

        Her heart seemed to stop as she watched Daryl step out, an automatic gun strapped to him. His winged leather vest was buttoned over a black sleeveless shirt. He looked exactly the same, but wholly different. Every part of her sung at the sight of him. Even the ones she tried to forget. The ones she kept under lock and key. Everything she had was his. Her darkness and whatever husk of her light that still peaked out when she laid eyes on him. It all craved him.

       The panic that had been constantly reaching a new crescendo for the past two weeks became silent. A calm she hadn't felt for so long washed over her. And a long breath filled with all her anxiety rushed out of her mouth as she stared at him. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. Months, even. But he was alive and thrumming with untamed energy. Beth knew she should conceal her emotions, but she was so tired.

        “Showtime,” Negan said under his breath.

       He threw open the car door and stepped out into the parking lot, dragging Lucille with him. Beth followed suit. The sun was boiling today and the minute it touched her skin she felt herself start to warm up. Once her feet hit the asphalt of the parking lot she wanted to sprint over to her family. She struggled against every part of herself to stay put at Negan’s side, Laura, Arat, and Jed flanking them.

       Abraham and Gabriel were the last to exist their car and they followed Maggie to the trunk of their vehicle. She watched with fascination as they pulled out Gavin, Gary, and Regina. Gavin looked pale, but was still standing tall. Regina looked unharmed, but the stormy expression on her face made Beth’s skin prickle. However, when her eyes landed on Gary, she couldn’t keep the smile from her face. He looked beat to shit, but whatever evil resided in him must have been fueling him because he still found enough energy to struggle against Abraham as he walked him to the front of the cars.

       Daryl’s eyes were locked on hers even as he raised his gun to point at the back of Gary’s head. She was so close. Her family was right there.

       Negan stopped about ten feet from them, halting her with a look. She was unrestrained and mostly unarmed. He trusted her not to make any rifts, not now, when she needed this to go smoothly.

       “Well, well, well. I brought my package back all nice and brand new, but you all seemed to have kicked mine down the stairs a couple’a times. That don’t seem very fair,” Negan showboated, as he turned to Jed, “Does that seem fair to you?”

       Jed shook his head, “No, it—”

       “Ain’t seem like it. What the fuck happened to her hand?” A voice she’d recognize even in the grave washed over her. Daryl’s voice rumbled out, stopping everyone. Beth glanced down to see her hand smeared in her own blood. It looked worse than it was. She felt everyone’s eyes narrow in on her bloodied hand and when she looked back up at Negan, there was a worried look in his eyes for a moment before he covered it up.

       She turned to Daryl and kept her voice soft. A voice she reserved only for him, “I’m fine. It was nothin’ he did.”

       Negan stepped forward slightly, “See. Let’s not get our panties in a twist over nothin’, Daryl.” The way he said her husband’s name made her want to deck him, but if he wanted to poke a riled wolf, that was his choice. “Now, what ‘bout my people here. They’re in far worse shape than when I left ‘em.”

       Beth’s stomach twisted as Rick tilted his head at Negan and shrugged his shoulders, “We asked ‘em to come quietly. But they are your people after all. I’m sure you can understand.”

       Negan chuckled, “Still’a prick even after I cut your son’s eyeball out. You still don’t get it, Rick.” She saw Rick’s jaw tense as he shifted on his feet, but he didn’t bite and a wave of pride washed over her. Negan pointed Lucille towards Maggie, “Who’s this one? I’m sure I’d recognize her if she’d been kneelin’ at my feet.”

       Beth’s eyes widened at Maggie, trying to convey her warning. Don’t let him know who you are to me. Beth practically screamed it in her head as she glanced between Rick and her sister. Maggie shifted on her feet, readjusting her grip on her gun as she stared Negan down. Somehow, she found a way to stare down her nose at him even though she was shorter. The same pride she felt for Rick started beating for her sister.

       “Maggie,” her sister answered in a clipped tone.

       Negan continued, “And where the hell did you come—”

       “We didn’t come here to chat,” Rick interrupted, clearly seeing how badly that conversation would go if it continued.

       “Impatient. I’m just gettin’ to know our new neighbors. The one’s that came an’ burnt up my lawn.” A bout of silence filled the parking lot. Everyone looked ready to pounce at any minute.

       Beth turned to Daryl and found he was still watching over her, like he always did. It was like the tether between them had gone taunt and was trying to drag her towards him. She wanted to listen to it. His eyes scanned her face and body and she could see the relief and hurt swimming in them even from this distance.

       A growl pierced through the silence from the left. Everyone’s heads whipped towards the sound to see one lone walker ambling towards them. Before anyone could react, Maggie unsheathed her knife, calmly walked towards it, and plunged her knife into the walker’s skull. It collapsed to the ground at her feet. Her sister wiped the blade off on the walker’s clothes and put it away. After no one moved or acted, Negan finally said, “Alright. Let’s get this over with. Regina and Gavin first.”

       Rick nodded at Abraham to follow his request. He started guiding the two Saviors forward with the tip of his gun. Beth watched Negan, waiting for her signal. The tension mounted to the point where it was almost suffocating. When Regina and Gavin were halfway across the gap, Negan turned towards Beth, a forlorn look in his eyes. Then, it disappeared and he finally gestured for her to go rejoin her family.

       No one escorted her. Beth nodded at Negan, a sign of her thanks for keeping his word. And she started to walk.

       Daryl was right in front of her across the gap. A part of her still felt the need to hid Daryl from Negan, but how could she when he was right there? As she got closer, he fidgeted and reached out for her. Beckoning her to him. She was ten steps away. Eight steps. Six steps. Five steps.

       Then, she was right in front of him.

       And it felt too good to be true. It felt like a dream that would eventually devolve into a nightmare, like they always did. But this was real. He was here. Right in front of her. Beth reached a hand out and her blood caked fingers rested on his cheek. She felt the warmth of his skin underneath her fingertips. And she was finally home.

        Out of the corner of her eye, she could tell Gabriel had taken over watching Gary so they could have this moment. She made a mental note to thank him later. Beth let her head rest on his as his hands came up to cup her face, like he was making sure she was real. Everything fell away and disappeared. His familiar scent overwhelmed her senses and it felt like her very blood hummed at his presence.

        I love you. I love you. I love you.

        The words kept echoing in her head as a soft sob escaped her lips. Love wasn’t a strong enough word. He gripped onto her tighter until Beth finally felt grounded for the first time since she was ripped away from him. His head lifted off of hers and when it did, he carefully maneuvered her behind him. There was a sense of urgency to his actions that sparked an uneasiness. It was when Beth finally looked back at Negan that she saw him staring at them.

        Beth had been so caught up in Daryl she forgot for a split second that Negan still thought Aidan had been her husband. Guess the cat was out of the bag now and she still wasn’t sure what the consequences would be.

        Surprisingly, Negan seemed unphased. Lucille dangled at his side as a smile broke out on his face, but it wasn’t a true smile. This one was twisted and cruel and it never reached his eyes. And it faltered as he continued glancing between her and Daryl.

        “Holy shit… And here I was startin’ to feel bad about rippin’ your husband’s throat out,” Negan gestured with Lucille at her and Daryl, “You an’ him? You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me.” Negan’s eyes flashed as he looked at her, “I thought we had an understanding.”

       Beth shook her head and stepped back around Daryl towards Negan, not caring that he finally saw the truth, but his anger would get them all killed, “We do. I never lied. You just saw what ya wanted to see.”

       She felt Daryl’s hand wrap around her wrist to keep her by his side. Negan’s answering chuckle made her skin crawl, but underneath it all she could see he was hurt. And somewhere along the way, in this twisted game that they played, she felt bad. What kind of person did that make her?

       Beth couldn’t read Negan anymore. It was like he’d buried himself so deep she could no longer see the glimpses of the real him. “Son of a bitch, Beth. Was that all just a play? I thought you and I were havin’ a moment. Now, you’re hangin’ a sign out on the door that says ‘fuck you’.” Negan had turned back to grandstanding, clearly unashamed that he’d been out played, but maybe that’s not how he saw it. The two things she did know were, he was hurt and he cared about her. That became more apparent when the next three words out of his mouth came out softer, “You wanna die?”

       To anyone else, his question would sound like a threat, but Beth knew better. He wasn’t threatening her. He was asking if the very first choice she made at Sanctuary was a lie. He was asking if her taking the knives was a lie. Would she have rather slit her wrists? Would she die now if she had the choice? Was what he did so bad that she would have rather died than live in this world any longer?

       Beth looked back at Daryl and carefully extracted her wrist from his grasp. His eyes shuddered, but she had to block it out. She turned back to Negan and step towards him again, keeping her body language open. Beth knew she should feel ashamed that her family was seeing the calculated connection she had built with Negan, but its what kept her alive. She wouldn’t apologize for it now.

       She watched Negan as she spoke the truth, “No, I don’t…” Then, something else came to her mind. She needed the real him to come back. Needed to find him under all the layers of bullshit he buried himself under. The monster was a part of him, but there was something else he didn’t like anyone to see. Beth took in a deep breath and let her words fly, “Was this the plan? Is this who ya wanted to be?”

       Her words hit him and she watched them hit hard. If she sucker punched him, she might have gotten a similar reaction. They stared at each other for a long time. Opposite sides of the picket line. Everything stood on uncertain ground. It looked like he was wavering back and forth and Beth was no longer sure where he would land.

       When Negan finally spoke again, she knew the future he had seen in his mind had been shattered, “Give me Gary.”

       Beth nearly sobbed in relief. She’d gotten to him. Her nerves were shot and all she wanted to do was go home. She needed this to be over.

       As Gabriel walked Gary forward, he maneuvered closer to her than necessary. And when she was about to sidestep out of the way, her blood ran cold.

       “You’ll always be Negan’s whore.”

       The words were hissed at her as he passed. They were loud enough for everyone to hear, but they still somehow felt like a quiet dagger in her side. She felt them like a brand on her skin. Beth turned to look up at Gary. She saw his smug face swim in front of her eyes for what felt like a millisecond, before blood exploded from his skull.

       Beth stumbled backwards as Gary collapsed to the pavement like a ton of bricks. A clean bullet hole in the back of his skull.

       The gunshot hadn’t even registered in her mind. Her head whipped towards Daryl; his gun still held up to his eyeline. Time stood still as everyone processed what just happened. Daryl had executed Gary. Then, the bubble broke.

       She heard the cocking of guns as people started to raise them. Beth could see that Regina and Gavin were stood unarmed still behind Jed and Arat. Laura stood next to Negan, pointing her gun at Daryl. And Negan looked unphased as guns were being pointed in every direction on both sides. He just watched her.

       Negan tsked, “Call off your lapdog. He just made this way harder than it had to be.” He tilted his head towards Gary’s limp body, “Can’t say I’ll miss the bastard, but rules are rules. You took somethin’ from me and now I want somethin’ back. You wanna live. Fine. You all can go back to your suburban circle jerk and live another day. We all walk away, but…” Beth held her breath, “I just need my Dwight-y boy back. Oh, and his super-hot wife, Sherry. They belong to me and I want ‘em back.”

       Her heart dropped to her stomach. No. Please. Her world shifted sideways as she tried to grab on for dear life. How could he possibly know? They’d been so careful. Dwight and Sherry had given everything for Alexandria. They were her family. If Negan ever got his hands on them, he would make them wish they were dead. Beth knew the hell Amber went through. Mark too. Dwight and Sherry would end up worse off for trying to run away.

       Rick’s voice boomed through the empty parking lot, “No, they—”

       “I’m not negotiatin’ with you anymore, Rick. Let the men talk,” Negan interrupted, turning his focus back to Beth, “Daryl over here killed Gary. I’m gonna need some compensation. I was gonna let it slide, but…things change. Maybe next time, don’t send the ex-Savior to be a scout.”

       Negan knew about Dwight and Sherry. He’d never stop hunting them down. He’d never stop. This cycle of violence would never end. The man she had seen glimpses of over the past two weeks was gone. He was lost to her. And Beth was out of options.

       “You’re not in a position to be negotiatin’,” Maggie said, addressing Negan, “Your outposts. The chemical plant. The satellite station. Shepard Office Plaza. They won’t last the day.”

       The news hit like a freight train. Beth’s wide eyes turned to Maggie and Rick, who both had deadly looks on their faces. And she realized they weren’t bluffing. They were attacking the Savior’s outposts as they spoke. A shiver ran down her spine. They had the advantage. But that still didn’t change the fact that Negan would never stop coming. They could walk away from here without anymore bloodshed, but they could never be sure that Negan wouldn’t rally and come for them again.

       Beth couldn’t live through another lineup. She couldn’t live through this again. So, she shut everything off and walked forward slowly back towards Negan.

       “Beth!” Daryl yelled behind her. She would do this for them. For them all.

       She blocked it out and focused on Negan. She walked back over the picket line. Every step she took back towards him, she took five more steps further into the darkness. Her resolution grew until it was all she could feel pounding around in her head. Every beat of her heart pumped to the sound of resignation. It hardened. Solidified.

       Beth. Lamb. Whore. Wolf. Monster. Negan. Who was she? 

       Who are you?

       The words seared across her mind in scarlet letters. And it was a key. As the words repeated over and over again in her mind, the floodgates opened.

       Memories forged in agony and suffering flew behind her eyes like a flip book. The crunching thud of Tyreese's skull on the ground. His blood and brain matter splattered, mixing with the dirt. Mika's screams ripping apart her vocal cords. Carl's moans of pain. His crimson hand clutching his eye. Aidan's silent screams of agony. His fear etched into his eyes as he looked at her. Aaron wheezing and gasping for air, crumpled on the ground in a bloody heap.

       The boy she shot in the back, writhing underneath her, trying to crawl away. The Savior whispering her future in her ear as he rubbed against her backside. Simon's dead eyes looking out of his cut up face. The burst of blood from Daryl's chest as he got shot. His pale, limp form wasting away in a bed. His heart stopping. And hers refusing to restart.

       Then she saw Negan smiling. Laughing. She saw Joey's face burning. Saw him humiliate and defile everyone around him. Saw Amber weeping.

       It was all them. All him. The harbinger of all their pain and suffering. All her pain. And he was right in front of her. If she reached a hand out, she could touch him.

       Who are you?

       She was Negan.

       Words felt foreign to her as she looked up at Negan, who was smiling down at her like he’d won, “I get it now.”

       Beth didn't feel it as she wrapped her fingers around her last blade hidden in the compartment in her jacket sleeve. Didn't feel it as she haphazardly cut through her forearm pulling the blade out. Beth didn't feel it as she brought her knife up and swiped it across Negan's neck. She didn't feel the severing of tissue or muscle or the trachea. She didn't feel a thing. Because this was nothing compared to the pain. Compared to watching her family die over and over again. What were two more deaths? Hers and Negan's.

       She'd burn her soul if it meant her family would live another day. She'd burn with Negan. She'd be the monster she knew lay in wait until she called upon it. She'd be Negan. What did it matter? He caged her and created this. Now, he had to contend with it.

       Negan fell to his knees in front of her, his hand becoming bloody as he tried to hold together the slash she'd made in his neck. 

       Gunfire erupted around her and two bodies dropped right in front of her eyes. Jed and Regina. The ones that had reached for their weapons. The others stood with wide eyes, unsure of what to do. Her family closed the gap and surrounded her, keeping the rest of the Saviors at gunpoint. Beth turned to Laura, “The workers are takin’ over Sanctuary. There’s been enough blood spilled.”

       Beth had no energy left to explain further, but her point seemed to have gotten across because Laura, Gavin, and Arat all lowered their guns and shifted uncomfortably as they watched Negan suffer on his knees below her.

       She finally glanced down at him, so many different emotions in his eyes. Betrayal, validation, pride. He collapsed to the ground still holding his throat. She didn’t cut him deep, but it was enough to cause panic if someone didn’t take care of it quickly.

       All the memories and trauma she’d been forcing behind a locked box were flooding through her whole body. And she leaned over Negan as he gasped for breath and whispered, "Who are you?"

       Beth wouldn't be weak again.

Notes:

Wow, well after *checks my own story* 22 chapters dealing with the Saviors everything comes to a head. Since this chapter is so long, I'm going to try to keep my commentary short (we all know that's not true). The two biggest things I want to comment on in this chapter are Negan's POV and the final exchange scene.

I finally decided to do Negan's POV because I think it was important to see where his head was at regarding Beth and the Sanctuary. I think all his inner thoughts speak for themselves. It took awhile to try to short out how to write a character like Negan, but I kept falling back on that scene between Daryl and Negan in season 10 after Negan betrayed the Whisperers and saved Daryl. He confesses that he liked Alpha and he liked the power and seeing Daryl kneel in front of him again. So, I think those desires are real. I think Negan just looked to control and tame them after spending 7 years in prison. This is him when his ego and those desires have been left unchecked.

Also we get Negan's true feelings about Beth, which are complication. Honestly, I think Beth's fire and her honesty remind him of Lucille in a way. I don't think there's anything romantic there, but there's definitely something dark. He wants to own Beth. Not control her, but own her by giving her the same power he has.

The final scene took three rewrites before I got it right. Each rewrite had a different ending and I still left the end of the chapter open ended enough to where I can choice how I want it to go next chapter lmao. So, I had written the end of this chapter with Beth slicing Negan's throat a long time ago, but I needed to formulate everything else to get to that point. In the show season 8, the war, actually only lasts almost less than a week. In order to tell Beth's story efficiently, the actual war part had to take a back seat. So, Alexandria, Hilltop, and the Kingdom were all working together to attack the outposts while Rick had Negan busy with the exchange. Beth unknowingly did a similar thing with Sanctuary. So that ended up working out well.

Negan's ace up his sleeve was Dwight and Sherry. Once he was betrayed not once but twice, he wasn't going to play nice anymore. I wanted this scene to be reminiscent of the hospital arc with Dawn. But, of course, with Negan flair lol. Negan sort of has his hands tied, but also not... he knows the smartest option is to walk away and fight another day, but Beth has this moment where everything she'd been pushing down for months starts to bubble over. She's in the darkest places she's ever been in and she just can't do it anymore. In that moment, she chooses to be Negan. And honestly, a part of Negan feels almost validated and proud even though he feels betrayed. He still lives inside her.

Side note: Arat, Laura, and Gavin are Saviors that I think aren't fully Negan deep down. So, once they saw he was taken out, I think they would have hesitated with drawing on our group, especially since they were outnumbered after they took out Jed, Regina, and Gary.

Edited Note: Beth never slept with Negan. She barely even touched him except for the one time I explicitly mention her touching his hand on purpose. Gary says that line for three reasons. 1) He's a misogynist piece of garbage that wants to make Beth feel weak and shamed. 2) He may or may not think something was going on between them because Beth often times met with Negan at the end of the day to give him updates regarding the responsibilities he gave her at Sanctuary. Regardless of what Gary thought, he still sees Beth as "selling herself out" to Negan even if he knows she never slept with him. In his eyes, she's equivalent to the mud on his boots and he wanted her to know that. 3) He was also trying to hurt Daryl as well. Maybe almost more so. Daryl was the one that beat the hell out of him. So, when he saw the reunion between Beth and Daryl, he saw his opening to hurt him deeply.

Another small detail (sorry I know I'm rambling lol), Negan doesn't retaliate immediately after Gary's shot because if Daryl hadn't killed him for what he said, Negan probably would have or at least maimed him. That's why Negan isn't very reactive to Gary dying. Him asking for Dwight and Sherry is more about him trying to stick with his own rules in front of his lieutenants and feeling betrayed by Beth "lying".

I know the reunion between Beth and Daryl was short, but I had to be realistic. They wouldn't have had time to have this grand reunion in the midst of this exchange, but don't worry I'll make it up to you guys. This was as bold as I was willing to go without sacrificing the integrity of the story. But there will be more. You won't be disappointed :)

Anyways, I'm sure I left so much out, but my brain is currently mush from writing this chapter. All the love <3

Chapter 44: What Comes After

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I am uploading earlier-ish because I wanted to get this chapter out to you guys. If you have time, I HIGHLY recommend skimming the end notes after you read the chapter.

As always, I am so excited to hear what you think! All the love and I hope you enjoy <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       The gates of her home came into view. The last time she saw them was under very different circumstances. Ones she wouldn’t soon forget.

       Alexandria was emptier than she’d ever seen it, but she guessed that was to be expected. Everyone was still dealing with the Savior’s outposts, so reunions would have to wait until later. It was time to regroup and restart. Most of her family stayed back at Hilltop to figure out next steps. From what she heard; the sacking of the outposts had been successful. Causalities were high, but her family was still alive.

       Carol and Ezekiel had led the march on the chemical plant with some of the Kingdom’s fighters. Glenn, Dwight, and Tara had taken on the Satellite station. And Michonne, Rosita, and Sasha led the sack of Shepard’s Office Plaza. It took everyone fighting and everyone following the plan step by step. It wasn’t pretty and it didn’t go smoothly. They lost people, but everyone she knew was alive and that’s all she could bring herself to care about right now.

       Negan’s voice still crawled around the outskirts of her mind. He was in her head. She tried to push it down with everything else, but that was the one thing that she couldn’t compartmentalize. It was like he branded her and the whole world could see it.

       Beth ran a hand down her face and turned her focus on being home. Carl and Mika were the ones who opened the gate. White gauze covered Carl’s eyes and his hand was permanently glued to the gun in his holster. He looked so much older, like he’d aged a decade in two weeks. Mika was at his, but the minute Beth opened her car door she ran to her. Tears were gathering in the girl’s eyes and for the first time Beth didn’t know how to comfort her. She didn’t know what to say or do. It was like that part of her had been buried so deep she couldn’t find it anymore.

       Mika didn’t say much, just hugged her, but Beth was surprised to see Daryl crouch down in front of her and give her a full hug. Mika seemed to whisper something to him and he just nodded. It felt like a private moment, so Beth went up to Carl. She was immediately hit by a familiarity. She saw the anger brewing behind his eyes. Saw the need for revenge. Not just revenge, suffering. There was a pang of recognition that they were the same.

       Beth didn’t ask if he was all right. She knew he wasn’t, just like he knew she wasn’t. They were both drowning and two drowning people couldn’t save each other. They just drowned together. A dulled sense of pain banged up against her walls, but it stayed buried.

       His voice was monotoned as he spoke, “Welcome home.”

 

 

 

       "I think someone's been excited to see you," Olivia said as she descended the porch stairs to meet Beth and Daryl in front of their house. She was carrying Judith on her hip. It reminded her that Tyreese would never get to hold her again.

       Beth just stared at Judith. Her blond hair had slowly started turning more golden brown. And it was nearly at her shoulders. Beth had been gone two weeks, but why did it feel like a year? Why had everything changed, but also stayed exactly the same? Or it was just her. She had changed. There was innocent blood on her hands. And those hands belonged nowhere near Judith.

       Beth took a step back as Olivia closed the distance. Her back hit Daryl's chest behind her. His warm hand closed around her elbow, keeping her grounded. When she glanced up at him, standing tall behind her, there was a look of slight confusion on his face. She looked back to Judith who reached a hand out to her, opening and closing her fist like she was beckoning her.

       "Mama," Judith stuttered, clearly frustrated she wasn't picking her up.

       A sharp gasp escaped her lungs. Her head started to shake of its own accord. Beth couldn't. She'd taint her, the most precious thing in this world. The most innocent. She hid her hands behind her back, so no one could see them shaking. The ghost of the blood on her hands was thick and palpable. Beth couldn't breathe but she forced herself to act normal, or whatever the hell normal was, as she shot a tight-lipped smile at Olivia, "I'm sorry...I'm just tired. I'll...I'll visit her tomorrow."

       Something crossed over her face, but it was quickly covered up by a warm open look, "Go get some rest. You deserve it. The little munchkin and I will go make some dinner."

       Olivia hurried off, taking Judith with her. She whined in her arms, starting to cry, and it took everything in Beth not to turn around and take her from Olivia. But her feet wouldn’t move. She wanted the Earth to open up and swallow her. She wanted to cover her ears and eyes and fade into nothing. Beth was tired of feeling.

       Without turning to look at Daryl, she climbed the stairs to their house and opened the door. Everything was the same. Not a single thing had changed, but she didn’t have time to dwell on it, because the blood that had caked itself into her skin was starting to burn. Her sins made their presence known.

       Beth made a beeline for the upstairs bathroom, needing all her clothes off and needing the blood to go away. The stairs were never-ending and the hallway that led to the bathroom stretched on forever. She needed to get clean.

       When she reached the door and walked in, she instantly felt panic. She whipped around towards Daryl, eyes wide, "Please, don't—"

       "Ain't goin' nowhere 'less ya tell me." His voice was low and reassuring. It was the first time he’d spoken to her since the brief exchange they had at Hilltop. A part of her had thought he was mad at her, but now it occurred to her that maybe he was just giving her room without going anywhere. He was being there without smothering her.

       The flipping in her stomach subsided, but there was still a dull fear of his absence ever present in the back of her mind. Who would take him from her next? Who would take her from him? Each question pulled her down into a new level of hell. With each shallow breath she started to undress, wanting to get rid of her blood-soaked clothes that smelled vaguely like Negan. Daryl's eyes followed the trajectory of her clothes as she threw them as far away from her as possible. Beth went to undo the bun in her hair next when she heard Daryl walk up behind her.

       She could feel the warmth radiating off of him and enveloping her skin. The next thing she felt was his hands on her hair. He took out her hairband with ease and her hair tumbled down her back. Beth let out a sigh of relief, not realizing how much her hair had been pulling on her scalp. Her head tilted back as Daryl started running his fingers through it. He walked around to stand in front of her. His blue eyes were searching her face for something, but Beth knew there was nothing to see because she couldn't let herself feel it.

       His hand ran down her arm and turned her left forearm up towards him. There was still an angry, red vertical gash there, where she'd accidently swiped her blade across it in a rush to incapacitate Negan. Beth hadn't realized it was deep until Daryl had clamped his hands down on it, his eyes flashing with alarm at her lack of awareness. She hadn't even felt it. Maybe she should have been more worried, but in that moment, there was nothing but an open husk of a person she no longer recognized. It was like her body wasn't hers anymore. Her thoughts and actions all belonged to someone she didn't know. And that included all the pain.

       She stared down at the jagged stitches running up her arm. The old scar on her wrist ran perpendicular to it. It seemed she was collecting scars like tattoos. Both self-inflicted and both forever a reminder of memories she'd prefer to forget. But she knew, as long as she lived, she'd remember.

       Beth's voice came out wobbly, "Won't be long."

       It looked like Daryl struggled just as much as her with letting go. She could ask him to join her, but somehow that didn't feel right. A voice in Beth's head whispered: Liar. And she was. It wasn't that it didn't feel right. She couldn’t stand to see the hesitation and pain on his face while he looked over her physical wounds. She couldn’t have him looking too closely and seeing how little of her was left. She couldn't wade through that grief right now.

       So, Beth stepped into the shower and let the water wash over her. Eventually, the water turned from pink to clear. Then, she scrubbed. She scrubbed until her skin was screaming for her to stop. She scrubbed until she was out of breath. Then, she imagined the water cleansing her soul of Negan and everything ingrained into her. She held her breath for ten seconds, then let it out for ten. Beth repeated until her skin no longer burned.

       Once she was gone, her focus turned back to Daryl. He was completely still, leaning up against the counter. Even through the frosted glass, she could see his arms crossed over his chest. He usually stood like that when he was thinking or listening. She wanted to know what was going on in his head, if he was debating joining her. Beth silently wished he would because that meant she didn't have to ask and she wouldn't have to see his hesitation at her current state of being. He'd just be here with her. And they could just be them with nothing else in between.

       Her head filled with three words: I need you. I need you. I need you. It grew louder and louder in her mind until it was the only thing she could feel. Beth turned towards the glass. She wanted to shout it at him, but she couldn't. If she spoke, something would break. She wasn’t sure what would break, but Beth wondered if it would be her. They were balancing on a very thin tightrope and swaying one way or the other would throw them over the edge.

       Daryl must have seen her silhouette turn towards him because she watched his figure stand up from the counter. His arms fell to his sides. And for what felt like the first time since he'd kissed her all those months ago, Daryl moved first.

       Beth could vaguely see him start to take off his vest. Her cheeks started to heat up and she turned away wanting to give him privacy even though she was getting everything she wanted. Her breathing picked up as she heard the thud of his clothes hit the counter. Beth knew how hard this was for him. She knew he struggled through a lot to be with her like this. And all she could hope for was with time it would eventually get easier. Up until recently she thought that time had been cut short.

       The hinges of the shower door groaned as it opened. Beth finally turned to see her husband. Not wanting any doubts to start sinking into him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and brought her lips to his. His arms encased her waist immediately, crushing her to him. And it was like she could finally breathe again. And the irony wasn't lost on her. 

       Beth's heart pounded against her chest, like it wanted to break free. Daryl groaned into her, his hand coming up to caress her face. He pulled away to look down at her, a clear question in his eyes, "Ya sure?"

       She didn't hesitate, "Yes." Like a moth drawn to a flame, her lips were back on his. Nothing ever felt more real. She drew back once more to gasp out the three words that had been banging around her head, "I need you."

       And with those three simple words, something that started out comforting and sweet morphed into something darker. There was a shift in the air between them as Daryl somehow stood up taller and his eyes locked in on her. His hair was plastered to him from the water, but she could still see his pupils consuming the blue in his eyes. He looked deadly focused and his attention was all on her.

       His words were raspy as he spoke, "How'd ya need me?"

       His question dosed her flames in kerosene, but somehow still make her shiver. Her mind spun trying to formulate anything to respond. How did she need him? Up to this point, he'd always taken over and that's exactly what she had needed. Maybe this was his way of making sure she was all right. Making sure he knew exactly what she wanted from him right now. It was him checking this is what she truly needed.

       Beth felt herself smile in a way she hadn't in so long. She kissed him trying to make him understand all the things he made her feel. She pulled away and breathed out, "Need ya to remind me that I'm a Dixon."

       "An' what happened ta not relyin' on anyone for anythin'?" Daryl asked, repeating her words from that night in Georgia that was tattooed in her mind. The look in his eyes was something she hadn't seen before. It was possessive. Ravenous. And Beth never wanted it to go away. Everything else simply disappeared.

       His fingers were drawing circles on her back like he was comforting her. Reminding her he was still there and he loved her. She realized this is what he hid from her. All those times before, she could tell he was holding something back. Even when she asked him to grip her tighter and go harder, he still held back. And she was finally looking at those feelings clear in his face. He was afraid of scaring her, but the separation and the exchange must have jump started something in Daryl. Because he wasn't hiding anymore.

       "We're long past that," she finally replied. They had both grown enough to know they needed each other. And they needed their family. There was a tether that tied them together.

       Daryl’s mouth trailed from her lips to her jaw and ended up resting on her pulse. She knew he could feel her heart rate pounding and he could probably hear it too. "Ain't doin' this in here," he rasped.

       She was burning, "Then why're we still in here?"

       His head snapped up from her neck like an animal on a scent. He tilted his head to the side as he looked down at her. The same flames she felt throughout her body were reflected in his eyes. He somehow stepped impossibly closer, caging her up against the wall. When he reached a hand out behind her, she turned her head up to catch his lips. The kiss was hard and far too short for her liking. When he pulled away, she realized Daryl had been reaching behind her to turn the water off.

       He nodded his head towards the door. Without another word, she got out of the shower, holding the door open for him to follow. It seemed he was beyond words, but his eyes never left her. Not once. She watched him in the mirror as she grabbed a towel and dried herself off, making sure to wring out her hair too. Once she was done, she passed it to him and she wasn't subtle about looking at her husband. He took her breath away. Beth wanted to kiss every tattoo and scar. She wanted so much with him and had no idea where to start.

       The towel thudded to the counter next to her and she turned to see him nod his head towards the door of the bathroom. She hesitated a second until she realized there was no one here. They were alone.

       Beth walked across the hall and into their room, the room where they were together for the first time. It hadn't changed at all, like it was frozen in time. She could feel him behind her and the door clicking closed made her finally turn.

       She wasn't going to wait any longer. And it seemed Daryl wasn't either. She crashed into him, slamming her lips to his. His hands ran down her body until it wasn't enough. Daryl gathered her into his arms and picked her up. A soft gasp escaped her as she wrapped her legs around him. 

       "Never ‘gain. Ya understand me?" He groaned as he kissed her.

       Goosebumps broke out over her body, "Daryl. I love you. Nothin' was gonna take me from you."

       Instead of going to the bed like she expected, Daryl turned and pressed her up against the door. She rolled her hips into his, but he pressed her harder into the door, halting her movement. He kissed her with an intensity she hasn’t felt before like he was physically trying to consume her. Just when the lack of friction was becoming too much, Daryl let up and strode for the bed.

       She unlatched her legs to get down, but she never touched the ground. He all but tossed her onto the middle of the bed. It wasn’t hard enough or far enough to catch her too off guard, but she still sucked in a breath, drinking in the heady sight. Daryl was always so careful with her, like he thought she’d break. She always had to ask for him to let go. Now he had and she wanted nothing more than to stay in this bubble forever. This bubble where nothing else mattered but them. Where Beth Dixon still existed.

       The bed dipped as he moved to get on top of her, but he paused. Daryl looked down at her, his face filling with so many emotions it was hard to keep track. His hand tangled in the hair at the nape of her neck, tilting her head up towards him. The longer he stared the more she saw how unhinged he actually looked. There were only two words that came to mind: Possessive. Starved.

       She guessed they were both coming undone.

       His chest heaved as he dove back down to consume her. His lips trailed to her neck and she felt a sharp tug as he nipped at her. Beth arched up into him, unashamed at the moans that fell from her lips. Shame was a long-forgotten feeling. Her world had been cast into hues of grey and now colors were violently flying around her as she gasped to catch her breath.

       “Daryl…” she trailed off, pleading. His hand drifted between them, caressing her until she was shaking. When he pulled away, it truly hit her how much she missed him. He heard the plea in her voice and he wasn’t going to deny her.

       She kept her eyes open as he pushed into her, watching his face for the first time. His head bowed forward, but she lifted it up again because she needed to see him. He shuddered when he finally pushed all the way in. His eyes burned so bright and just that sight was enough for her to clench around him. He groaned as a response.

       The brief stillness and calm between them was broken when he pulled all the way out and drove back into her. Hard. Beth nearly screamed. Her hand slammed over her mouth, trying to hold back her moans as he continued. Then, she remembered she didn't have to be quiet. No one would hear them. Daryl stopped, watching her intently, as she dropped her hand back to his face.

       "Keep goin'. Just like that," Beth rasped. And he did.

       This wasn't comfort. This was claiming.

       All the barriers fell away and she finally saw the person he hid from her every time they were like this. All his control that he so carefully kept within his grasp was nowhere to be seen. So, she let hers go too, wanting to join him in his unraveling. Beth was floating in ecstasy as his name fell from her lips over and over again. Louder than she'd ever been.

       Daryl rarely spoke, but she heard him say two words and she froze. Her eyes snapped open to look at him. She'd never seen this side of Daryl or heard it. Her wide eyes gazed at him and she nearly panted, "Say it again."

       His eyes were dark and gleaming, something simultaneously dangerous and safe clashing in them, but there was a bit of hesitation like he was surprised those words came out of his mouth too. When he finally spoke again, Beth nearly came apart underneath him, "You're mine."

       Beth promised herself she wouldn't cry again, not like this, but Daryl made it so hard sometimes. She felt them gathering in her eyes and before they fell, she surged forward, slamming her lips to his, until she was sat up in his lap. This need she felt for him was bone deep. And Beth never felt more crazed. She wanted to claim him as hers too. She bit down on his lower lip before answering around the lump in her throat, "Yes...yes. I'm yours. An' you're mine."

       She may not know who she was anymore, but she knew that was true. And she found comfort in knowing that was the one thing that would always be true. No matter if she was Beth, Negan, a monster, or a whore. It didn't matter. She was still his and he'd take her how she was. No question. There was no uncertainty. Daryl was the one constant in her life. And that wouldn't change.

       What she said must have unlocked something else in Daryl because he became frantic until suddenly, he was pulling out of her. He said lowly in her ear, "Turn around."

       A zing of electricity went barreling through her. Before she could listen, Daryl helped flip her until she was on her hands and knees. She groaned into the crook of her elbow. Something about not being able to see him was exhilarating. She always wanted to be able to see his face and the way it contorted and relaxed with everything he was feeling, but this was new and it only fueled her own hunger. 

       Daryl slid back into her and resumed the pace he set before he stopped. Beth buried her face in the sheets, trying to muffle the moans falling from her mouth. She had always wanted him closer and somehow this was both as close and deep as he'd ever been, but also as far away as he'd ever been. It was maddening. Her mind was melting. Everything had disappeared. And she didn't want it to end.

       Her mind narrowed in on his hands gripping her hips. They were so tight and it was the exact pressure she liked. The fact that he listened and learned what she wanted made her clench around him. She heard a growl rip from his throat. Then, a warmth encompassed her back and she felt Daryl's lips on her spine. She pushed back against him wanting to feel as much of his skin on hers as possible.

       The cresting wave was threatening to take her and she wanted to hold it off for as long as possible. Beth couldn’t go back to hues of grey. Not when she could have this. Daryl was getting close too. She could feel it. He was getting rougher and sloppier. But she needed something else.

       "Daryl—" her words cut off by a moan, "Daryl, I need to see you."

       He listened almost immediately. The wave that had been about to crash subsided somewhat as he stopped and helped her to turn to face him. She nearly wept at the sight. Daryl looked just as devastated as she did. His pupils had grown to the point where there was only a thin ring of blue left around them. That look she loved so much was still so clear on his face. 

       He leaned his forehead against hers, "Better?"

       Beth wrapped her legs around his hips and arms around his neck. She nodded in answer. "It's all so good. Needed ta see you. Spent too long away from you," she said, her voice coming out thick with emotion.

       He pushed back into her, “Never ‘gain.”

       “I know,” Beth whispered against his lips, her voice shot.

       Daryl rumbled, “Say it.”

       “Never again,” Beth promised. And it was a promise. Whatever they had to face next, they’d go down together.

       The last thing she heard before she tumbled over the edge was Daryl saying he loved her. Beth could have sworn she cried out his name, but she wasn’t sure because everything felt like it exploded around her. And she was free falling, dancing through a place where only desire and joy and contentment existed. A place where she was still Beth Dixon. Wave after wave of pleasure and aftershocks continued through her body even as she floated down from her high.

       Her body still tingled as she found Daryl’s face again. He had rolled onto his back, so he didn’t crush her into the bed. His chest was heaving and he looked lost in what they had just done. She’d give anything to be able to read his mind, but she was tired. She curled up into his side, hooking her leg over his and letting her hand rest over his heart.

       His hand closed around hers, “Ya alright?”

       It was a loaded question. One she knew meant far more than just checking on her after what they just did. As reality came crashing back in around her, all she could think was she wanted to go back to the weightless space she just floated down from. Even with Daryl holding her to his chest the color started to disappear. And all she saw was grey.

       “Yes,” she breathed out, burying her face in his neck so he couldn’t see her face.

       Because Beth lied.

       She wasn’t all right.

 

~

 

       The night was quiet as Beth walked to the bathroom. She nearly jumped at her own reflection. The person staring back at her was unrecognizable. She looked the same, but her insides didn’t match her outside anymore. Her body didn’t feel like her own. Her mind didn’t feel like her own. She was a prisoner in her own body.

       The only time she felt like herself was when she was with Daryl. He had still looked at her like Beth. Loved her like she was still the same. Drove into her with a need like nothing had changed. It was the only time she felt real. Without him inside her, constantly reminding her who she was, she was a ghost. Everything was wrong except him.

       Her feet started to move like she was on autopilot. Beth walked out of the bathroom and made her way downstairs. The moon was just bright enough to guide her to the kitchen. She found exactly what she was looking for in seconds, because everything was the same. Clutching them in her palm, she went back upstairs to the bathroom. Beth undid the braid in her hair, carefully extracting it until her hair rested unbound over chest.

       Her hands shook as she brought the scissors to her hair and made the first cut. Beth thought she’d feel some overwhelming sense of grief or sadness, but finishing the task was all she thought about. So, she kept cutting until her hair rested on her shoulders. She thought there would be some epiphany, some catharsis, but there was nothing.

       When Beth stared into the mirror, she still saw an imposter staring back.

 

 

~

 

 

36 Hours Before

       “Empires fall. You’re gonna watch yours burn.”

       Beth whispered to Negan. A part of her wanted to let him bleed out, but she made a promise. She forcibly removed Negan’s hand from his throat and replaced it with hers, pinching the skin together to temporarily stop the bleeding, “Laura, get me the med kit in the truck.”

       She shut everything out as protests were thrown left and right. She just watched Laura shuffle through all the shit in the truck to find the med kit.

       “Beth, what’re ya doin’? He killed Tyreese an’ Aidan!”

       “It’s over. He deserves what he got.”

       “Mother tits.”

       Of all the voices, she never heard Daryl’s, which she wasn’t sure was good or bad. But eventually, she couldn’t take it anymore, “I promised!” Her head whipped around to look at them all. She knew she was half a step away from deranged, but they didn’t get it. He deserved to die, but he deserved to suffer more. “I promised he’d watch everythin’ he built be destroyed.”

       It wasn’t lost on her that letting Negan die would be a mercy and she was choosing to make him suffer instead. The irony was that the Beth before Negan would’ve let the others choose. Would’ve let him die like they wanted. But the Beth after Negan wanted to make sure he felt the same pain he caused her family. The same pain he caused her. He caged her and now she’d be his worst nightmare.

       “Here,” Laura said as she placed the med kit down next to her. She threw it open and rummaged through it. There wasn’t enough to fully close the wound, but there were enough supplies to stop the bleeding for a while until they got him to one of the communities. And that made her think: Where would they keep him? As much as she trusted Dwayne and the other workers at Sanctuary, Negan could never go back there. She doubted the King would take him. Not after Richard.  

       Deanna wouldn’t stand for having her son’s murderer locked up at Alexandria. And selfishly, Beth didn’t want him there either. That left Hilltop. They were the ones that had the closest thing to a prison cell. Negan could rot there.

       Beth closed his wound as best she could. When she was done, Negan was passed out, but alive, “Hilltop’s the best place, but someone should get Deanna outta there first.”

       She knew she sounded cold, emotionless. Maggie was looking at her like she didn’t recognize her. There was a sad look in Rick’s eyes, but understanding too. Abraham started going to load up Negan, listening to her orders without question. Gabriel nodded towards her. And finally, her eyes landed on Daryl. He was watching her carefully, but she couldn’t read him. His guard was up.

       “I don’t want him at Hilltop, Bethie,” her sister spoke up, “The people there are traumatized enough as it is. He killed our family. He should be dead.”

       Beth heard Abraham halt his actions. She never took her eyes off Maggie as she stepped to the side, exposing a vulnerable Negan behind her, “Go ‘head. Kill him then.”

       Her words came out vindictive. She had never talked to Maggie like that before, but something in Beth was actively snapping. Her sister was talking to her like Beth didn’t know what Negan had done. Like she wasn’t there for every single vile deed he had committed. Like she hadn’t spent two weeks by his side. Maggie thought she knew better, but she hadn’t been there. Not like she had.

       Her sister’s eyes widened in surprise at her egging, a flash of hurt crossing her face, “Beth… I—”

       “You weren’t there,” Beth spit out, “He deserves worse than death. But go ‘head, give him the easy way out.”

       The tension rose. This was supposed to be a happy moment, but instead Beth was doing this. It was like she was standing outside her body, watching herself dig a deeper and deeper hole. Her family had come for her and she didn’t deserve it.

       Rick turned to Gavin, Laura, and Arat before anyone could make a move, “We’re all gonna go home now. Negan’ll come with us. He’ll live, but his way of doin’ things is over. Any Saviors left who can’t live with that will pay the price. I promise you that. This is over. We’re gonna go our separate ways. Live in peace.”

       He nodded his head at Abraham, confirming Beth’s order. Maggie looked at a loss for words. And Beth hated herself even more than she already did.

       Someone shifted quickly in the corner of her eye and her head turned just in time to see Daryl hastily crouching down beside her and picking up her left arm. She glanced down to see a stream of red flowing through her fingers and onto the pavement.

       Daryl helped her get her jacket off and when he saw the deep vertical wound on her forearm, he clamped his hands around it and yelled, “Abraham! Get the fuckin’ kit. She needs stitches.”

       Beth didn’t even feel it. It was like the body she was in wasn’t her own. When she looked into Daryl’s eyes, she knew he saw the vacancy in her own.

 

~

 

30 Hours Before

       “Beth!”

       A body slammed into her, arms wrapping tight around her neck. Beth recognized the voice and hugged back immediately. Amber.

       The Sanctuary had fallen to the workers. It was bustling chaos. Bodies were littering the floor, but thankfully none that she recognized. She sighed a breath of relief when she saw Dwayne and Alberto organizing the people that were left. Mark walked into the room not long after.

       “You’re alright?” Beth asked, looking over Amber.

       She nodded, “Most of the soldiers were called off to the outposts and all the lieutenants are gone. Mark came for me after it was over.”

       Amber’s eyes locked onto someone behind her as she finished speaking. Beth turned to see Daryl shadowing her. His normal hard gaze was more open as he looked between Beth and Amber. Something in her system was shocked to life at seeing Daryl standing in Sanctuary. A day ago, she would’ve given anything to see him standing in front of her here. But now, it just felt wrong.

        It was like he was standing over her grave.

       The thought struck her so violently, she looked away and back to Amber, “This is my husband. Daryl.”

       “What? I thought Negan…” Amber trailed off glancing between her and Daryl, “Is he dead?”

       Beth thought about lying, but decided of all people she deserved the truth, “He’s worse than dead.”

       Tears started welling up in her eyes and Beth reached for her hand as Amber responded, “I’m so sorry, Beth.”

       She heard the rest of her unspoken words. All the gratitude was swimming in her eyes. Beth couldn’t help but hug her again. The torment Beth went through was nothing compared to what Amber had been going through for far longer. She offered the only thing she could, “You an’ Mark are welcome to come back to Alexandria. There’s a place for you there if ya want it.”

 

~

 

22 Hours Before

       Maggie was right. Hilltop had a hard time accepting their cellar would become Negan’s eternal prison. Dr. Carson stitched Negan up without complaint. The blacksmith, Jeremiah, got to work making bars for a real cell. A cage for an animal.

       What Beth thought was happiness permeated her dulled senses when she saw Jessie, Sam, Denise, Tina, and Enid. Sam ran straight to Daryl, who was still following her like a shadow. It brought her comfort, but it also worried her that he hadn’t spoken much. Daryl patted Sam’s shoulder as the kid hugged him. Beth used the distraction to turn to Jessie, “I’m so sorry ‘bout Tyreese.”

       A sad smile spread across her face, “He was a good man.”

       That’s all she said because that’s when Beth saw Deanna. She immediately wanted to vomit. She hadn’t realized how much Aidan and her looked alike until now. Her bowed having a hard time holding her gaze. Beth knew the choice she made with Negan would disappoint her.

       Deanna wrapped her strong arms around her, “Beth, you’re all right.” She said it like she was trying to convince herself.

       All Beth could do was nod. Everything she wanted to say was at the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t seem to get it out. When she glanced around, she saw everyone staring and it became harder and harder to breath. Deanna glanced behind her towards Daryl, “Do you mind if I have a moment alone with her?”

       She couldn’t see Daryl’s response, but she doubted Deanna would take no for an answer anyways. She pulled her towards one of the FEMA trailers situated closest to the house. The little alleyway between the neighboring trailer provided privacy from all the prying eyes.

       “My son would’ve been proud of you.”

       Beth shook her head trying to get rid of her words. Aidan would’ve found what she did revolting. She lowered herself to Negan on a platter. She let him in and now she couldn’t get rid of him.

       She tried to pull away, “Ya don’t know what I’ve—”

       “It doesn’t matter. You’re alive and that’s all he ever would’ve wanted,” Deanna interrupted, her voice hard and matter-a-fact.

       This image Deanna had of her was killing her. It wasn’t who she was. Not anymore. And she wanted to break it. “Negan’s alive. He’s here. I coulda killed him.”

       Her words didn’t hit like she wanted them too. Deanna just nodded, “I know. Maggie warned me. I may not agree with what you’re doing, but I trust you. Just like my son did.”

       “Maybe ya shouldn’t. Aidan trusted me an’ now he’s gone.”

       Deanna took in a sharp breath, but gripped on her hand tighter, “Don’t push us out, Beth. We’re your people. All of us. Don’t push us away…Aidan loved you. Just like I know you loved him. He wouldn’t want you shutting us out.”

       Beth physically caved inward. Deanna was right. She always was, but things were different now. She spent so long shielding herself from the pain, she didn’t know how to do anything else. So, Beth shut it all out and pushed it away. Her face dropped and a coldness took over that she’d become too familiar with, “Dolor hic tibi proderit olim. Those were his last words. Thought ya should know.” Deanna looked less struck by what she was saying and more struck by her stark change in demeanor.

       “Beth…”

       She pulled her hand out of the older woman’s and walked away, “I have to go.”

 

~

 

10 Hours Before

       Beth had forgotten how warm Hilltop was compared to Sanctuary. The Sanctuary was all cold concrete and steel. Hilltop was warm wood and carpet. It felt homey. The Sanctuary was just a place people lived, but Hilltop was a home. Beth had almost forgotten the difference.

       Maggie was leaned against the desk, watching her closely. There was a loving look in her eyes despite everything that had happened, but there was also worry. Beth had come to see her after their lukewarm reunion. She felt bad, but she had also needed her sister’s comfort not her questioning. But then again, how could Beth expect her sister not to question her choices. How could she expect anyone not to question her when it came to something like this?

       Beth’s stomach flipped as Maggie finally broke the silence, “I know I wasn’t there. What you went through…whatever ya did to survive is gonna be apart’a you. I remember seein’ it after Terminus. You changed. An’ I’m seein’ it again now. But this…you’re lettin’ him win.”

       Her nails dug into the flesh of her hand, trying to use physical pain to block out whatever feelings were brewing inside her, “Cause ya still see death as a punishment, Maggie. This isn’t mercy. I know him. I wish I didn’t, but I do. This’ll be worse than death.”

       Even as she said it, it sounded like bullshit. Negan was currently under a twenty-four-seven watch in the cellar of Hilltop. Her mind was fighting her in equal measures. One part of Beth regretted her decision wholeheartedly and was convinced she should walk down into the cellar and put a bullet in his head. The other half of her, the half she’d grown to despise, loved that Negan would get to see all his work be destroyed. Loved that he’d waste away in the darkness replaying all the what ifs in his head.

       “I’m not talkin’ ‘bout him sufferin’. He deserves it for everythin’ he’s done. But you’re lettin’ him win by becomin’ this person. Ya want him to suffer. Alright, but can ya live with the person that this makes you? You can live with what comes after?”

       Beth sighed, a sense of defeat overtaking her, “I have to. He’s already inside me. If he dies, it’ll solidify. But if he’s alive, I can get rid’a him.” She knew the logic was bullshit, but it was the best she had.

       Maggie closed the distance between them, wrapping her into a hug, “I’m sorry, Bethie, for whatever ya had to do.”

       She hugged her sister back. She hugged her for the Beth that died at Sanctuary.

Notes:

Knock knock. Who's there? Emotional damage and full throttle codependency issues! I apologize for the hurt/confused feelings this chapter may or may not have caused lol. We are deep in it folks! But we gotta go through the hurt to get to the good stuff.

So, you all know the scene between Daryl and Beth is in here for a reason. The one thing you can count on is that any sex scene I include is for a reason. If this scene feels different, that's good. It should. It's more visceral and rough. Less comforting and loving. Not saying it isn't loving because it is, but as I said it's more of a "claiming" for them both. Both Beth and Daryl aren't all right. This was about reminding themselves they're alive. That the other person is alive. Beth is trying to feel something good. Literally anything good, because she's been deprived of feeling anything positive for so long. This dopamine rush into her system is going to cause her to latch onto this feeling that only Daryl and her create when they're together. It is NOT healthy and its something she's going to have to work through. Especially if she starts using to not talk about how she's actively not doing well.

RIP to Beth's hair. Now, listen! I know the "cutting hair when in mental turmoil" is a cliche trope. HOWEVER, I think it fits her character's arc well because of her already established issues with her hair + neck + Wolf issue. I wanted to show how truly bad of a place Beth is in right now that she literally cut off her hair when she refused to do it when it was giving her problems after the Wolf almost strangled her to death. She fought through the PTSD when her hair would stick to her neck because it was her way of fighting. Cutting her hair off is a BIG indicating of her deteriorating mental health.

On to the flashbacks, so I structured this section of the chapter to be almost discombobulating. I really wanted to try to emulate Beth dissociating in and out of reality. Technically all the "before" sections are flashbacks, but I consider them more like jump cuts through Beth's memories to the moments she actually tunes back in.

The one I want to highlight is the conversation between Maggie and Beth. So, the choice between killing Negan vs. keeping him alive all came down to Beth's thought process. Would she kill him or would she save him? After the changes her character went through being at Sanctuary, I think Beth would want Negan to suffer. And that's out of character for her, but that's the point. She's struggling with her identity. Negan fucked her up pretty bad and not just within those 2 week. Those were just the nails in the coffin. This has been going on since the Saviors shot Daryl. In Beth's mind, killing him is too easy.

There's also another layer that we'll get into later. Beth is lying to herself. There's another reason she wants to keep Negan alive, but I don't think she's even sure what that is yet. What Beth said to Maggie is true. Maggie sees death as the ultimate punishment, whereas Beth has actively witnessed that there are much worse things than being dead. It's an interesting argument.

I truly debated killing Negan. I was almost certain I was going to kill him, but with the way I wrote Beth and Negan's relationship I had a hard time justifying that Beth wouldn't save him in that moment. If it was anyone else, Negan would definitely be dead in my story, but it was Beth. Anyways, all the love <3 Can't wait to hear what you all think!

Chapter 45: The Kids Aren't Alright

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I hope you all are doing well. As usual, I can't wait to hear your thoughts on this chapter. It's a bit slower, but it's needed to see where Beth and Daryl are at. More importantly Daryl, since we already know sort of where Beth's at.

This chapter is called "The Kids Aren't Alright" which is referencing the song by the Offspring. I've added it to the Spotify playlist for this story if you want to listen to it.

Anyways, all the love to you guys and come chat with me in the comments! <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       Beth wasn’t all right.

       Daryl knew it. He could feel it. He could see it. She looked like a ghost most of the time, but that wasn’t the worst of it. It was the coldness. The emotionless way she talked. A lot of the time she avoided everyone, throwing herself into repairing Alexandria, training, or obsessing over watch shifts. The only time he recognized his girl was when they were together. Her fire and warmth came back, then the minute it was over, she disappeared again.

       Daryl could tell something was off the minute he saw Negan parading her around Alexandria, but he wasn’t prepared for how bad the damage was going to be. He thought being home would help bring her back, but he watched her get worse.

       The morning after they got back to Alexandria, he woke up to find Beth awake in the chair across the room. It was like someone had slapped him. She looked dazed and completely out of it, clearly having gotten zero sleep, but it was her hair that made his chest clench. She had cut it off. Of all the things she could’ve done to show him she wasn’t all right, this was the worst. It meant she had stopped fighting.

       He stayed by her side most days, but watching her exist had started to become painful. When anyone asked if she was all right, she just responded with, “I’m fine.”

       She stopped going to see Judith, coming up with new excuses every time someone asked if she wanted to see her. During the day, she was a robot. At night, he got to see his wife again, but only for the moments he was inside her. She had him every night. And every night it got harder and harder for Daryl. He dreaded when it would come to an end.

       Then, he started dreading his nights altogether. Not because he didn’t love being with Beth, but because seeing a glimpse of her before she disappeared again was ruining him more and more each time.

       He started to feel dirty again, like he was using her, even though she was the one who told him she needed him every night. It had become a habit, an addictive one, but the high was too short for the crash to be worth it. Then, it started to just feel like fucking, which felt wrong when it came to him and Beth. His dread for the end started to overpower the highest highs he felt when he was with her.

       Daryl knew she was using him to block out everything else. And he let her. He’d been selfish because he had wanted to see his wife even if it was just for a moment. Now, it was too much. He couldn’t do it anymore. Beth was drowning and he was helping her sink. She rarely spoke to anyone that wasn’t him. When she trained, Abraham and Rosita tried to engage, but she barely gave them one-word answers. She listened and that’s all she did.  

       And the thing was, Daryl couldn't stay away if he tried. He was forced to watch his wife deteriorate. She kept him close, but still at arm’s length. When Beth was out of his sight even for a minute, everything went back to those two weeks she was at Sanctuary. He was useless. And it infuriated him. He was stuck in a never-ending cycle of pain and panic, because he couldn't leave her side even if he couldn't physically watch her unravel anymore.

       Negan was rotting and he still thought about killing that bastard. Killing him slowly. Bleeding him out for what he did. Every time he saw the vacant look on Beth's face, he heard Negan. He saw him parading her around with that sick shit-eating grin because he wanted them to know he owned them all. That he owned Beth. And his blood boiled all over again. The rage was getting harder and harder to get rid of. And he couldn't tame it, because he didn't know what was true and what wasn't. Beth wouldn't tell him what happened and he didn't want to push, not when she shut down and left him every time someone even brought up the Sanctuary or the Saviors.

       Daryl had fucked up not going after her when she was taken. He should have knocked Rick out. Should have fought harder.

       He watched Beth train while he cleaned his crossbow for the fifth time that week. Even the way she fought was different. She used to be fluid and graceful. He remembered asking her if she used to dance before the world went to shit. She had smiled and said, “No, just singin’.”

       Beth used to make a point of going for the incapacitating blows first. Now, everything was brutal efficiency. She fought with barely contained wrath. Now, she went for the killing blows first. He wouldn’t say he wasn’t happy about it. Daryl needed her to fight to kill because anyone that came after her would be doing the same. As he watched her evade Abraham’s lumbering form and mimic a killing slice to the back of his neck, he was filled with regret for ever wishing that mindset on her.

       This is how she needed to be for Daryl to be sane, but it was like watching someone else wearing his wife’s face. A phantom of a person who used to shine so bright. She used to float above him, now she was suffering at his side.

       As he moved on to cleaning his bolts, still watching attentively, he realized it wasn’t about her going for the kill shots. He always encouraged her to take that route. It was the reckless rage she was exhibiting even when she was just practicing. Beth was smart. She fought with her mind just as much as her body, because she had to. This was different. She was hungry for it.

       Abraham’s voice rang through the grassy patch of open area, “Again!”

       Daryl watched Beth reset, steadily rearranging her wooden practice stake and pushing her short hair behind her ears. Before Abraham started the combination, he gave an indirect nod to Rosita. She subtly circled behind Beth as Abraham drew his empty gun. Beth disarmed him before the weapon got all the way up to her head, but just as she was twisting his wrist, Rosita pounced. Her boot went into the crook of Beth’s knee and she crumbled to the ground. Before Rosita could get on top of her for a killing blow, Beth swiveled and brought her stake to Rosita’s gut.

       He recognized the move. He’d seen Beth use it before. She always used to go for the inner thigh to give her a second to recuperate and get back on her feet, but this time she went straight to gutting. A part of Daryl hummed at the sight of her: lethal and cunning, but the bigger part of him was worried.

       His Beth wasn’t all right.

 

 

~

 

 

       “Still feels like we’re in it.”

       Rick stood at attention with his gun in hand, scanning the road and woods out in front of Alexandria. Rick had asked Daryl to do a watch shift with him and it felt like his whole body was itching. He constantly wanted to turn his head away to look for Beth, to watch her as she dug through their small crop field with Dwight. Forcing himself to focus was becoming painful and he knew Rick noticed the way he couldn’t stand still. He rotated between biting the skin on the side of his thumb and walking the length of the watch tower.

       His brother’s words registered, but they felt distant, “Cause we are.”

       Rick turned his ever-knowing gaze onto Daryl. He felt it in his peripherals. “It’s over, Daryl.”

       “Ain’t over ‘til he’s dead,” Daryl grunted back. They were words he refused to say to Beth, but this was his brother. He understood. If anyone wanted to kill Negan more, it was Rick. He gave the command that forever altered Carl. The kid was floundering trying to relearn everything with one eye. His anger had diminished somewhat, but he was different. Daryl could see how much it hurt Rick and Michonne seeing him become so cold. It’s why Carol and Mika moved into the house. Carl was only ever himself when Mika was around.

       Rick hummed, “Think I shoulda forced her hand? Made her responsible for killin’ him.”

       Daryl tensed, “She’s done ‘nough. Shoulda put a bullet in his head ourselves.” Beth wasn’t the one that should have to carry the weight of killing him. He knew that. She had done enough.

       “He’s not goin’ anywhere. Maggie an’ Glenn’ll make sure of it. He’s rottin’ now, but if he tries anythin’. We’ll kill him,” Rick glanced over his shoulder. Daryl followed his line of sight to Beth, “I’m respectin’ her decision cause I trust her when she says he’ll suffer more. She knows him better than any’a us.” Rick sighed, determination tensing his jaw, “I love her. She’s my family, but if this goes sideways, I won’t hesitate.”

       Daryl walked the length the wooden watch tower, looking back and forth between Rick, the road, and Beth, “Maybe that’s the problem.”

       “What?” Rick asked.

       “Her knowin’ him better.”

       Rick’s head tilted, looking at him with a hard look, “Ya think she’s keepin’ him alive cause she cares ‘bout him?”

       Daryl didn’t say anything. Hearing Rick draw his own conclusion so quickly only added to his own suspicions. Up to this point, he had refused to admit them out loud. Now, it felt too real. If Beth cared about Negan, that bastard must’ve done something even worse to her than he thought. That meant her decision to keep him alive was for him. And herself.

       The sound of the wood creaking underneath him, brough his attention back to Rick. His eyes were scrunched up from the sun, but Daryl could still make out his hard expression. “When I was a rookie, I arrested this kid. Nineteen years old, wanted for keepin’ his girlfriend locked up in his basement. The kid blubbered like a baby durin’ the interrogation, durin’ the trial— suckered the jury. He was acquitted due to insufficient evidence. His girlfriend refused to testify. Kept repeatin’ over an’ over again that he loved her. Then, two weeks later, he tried to kill her,” Rick said somberly.

       Beth had been locked away. Forced to do what she had to to survive. Forced to become someone else to live. Forced to become someone that Negan found interesting. Daryl felt a pit open up in his stomach, “What’re ya sayin’?”

       “I’m sayin’ it’s not uncommon.”

       They were both quiet after that as the realization sunk in deep. He didn’t know what to do anymore. She wouldn’t talk to anyone, including him, so he might not ever know what’s going on inside her head. Her pain was his pain. The moment they burned that shack down together he was hers until he wasn’t breathing anymore. And even then, he was still hers.

       If she was dragged to hell, he’d go with her willingly, but that didn’t mean he’d give up trying to bring her back. And if pulling away was what he had to do, he’d do it for her no matter how painful it was for him.

       Because he damn sure wasn’t helping any.

 

 

~

 

 

       Beth forcefully shoved her foot down against the shovel, loosening up the dirt. The crops around her were a beautiful shade of green that she couldn’t see. The sky a brilliant blue that she didn’t recognize. The warm sun beat down on her skin, but she couldn’t feel it. She was never warm enough anymore, unless she was with Daryl. Everything around her felt dull and lifeless through her eyes.

       Every once in a while, she turned to check if Daryl and Rick were still on watch. She had a clear line of sight to him, which made her calmer, but he wasn’t close enough. He was never close enough. She craved him constantly. If Beth thought about it too hard, she’d falter. He was the only thing that made her feel good. He was the only thing that made her feel like herself again.

       Except when you were throwin’ yourself at me like I paid for it.

       Beth angrily jabbed the shovel into the dirt and yanked it out as Negan’s voice entered her mind. She dropped her forehead on top of the handle, breathing deeply. He was always there. Always nagging and always vile. Beth wanted to rip her brain from her skull and cut him out. She hit her forehead against the shovel once, twice, three times before starting to dig again.

       Dwight startled her out of her stupor, when he spoke. She had almost forgotten he was there. That there were others around to witness the cracks in her mask. “You hear him, don’t you?” Dwight asked. He stood up from his knees where he was replanting a tomato plant.

       Her breath caught in her throat as her chest squeezed at the mention of him. She kept digging, keeping her focus solely on the fresh Earth beneath her. He continued, when she refused to answer, “I used to…It was constant. The son of a bitch never stopped talkin’ even when he wasn’t around. Thought his voice would go way if he was dead, but I know now, it wouldn’t of…I never got close to him. He was always more interested in Tina an’ Sherry…”

       He trailed off, watching her, probably making sure she wasn’t about to deck him. The scar on Beth’s forearm started to tingle and burn at the mention of Negan, like her body was rejecting anything to do with him. She wished her mind would do the same.

       Dwight continued when he realized she wasn’t going to answer, “Denise helped Sherry a lot. When she wasn’t trainin’ with Carson or Edwards, Sherry would go talk with her.”

       “What makes ya think I wanna talk?” Beth asked indifferently.

       “Ain’t about wantin’ to. It’s about needin’ to.”

       Beth got onto her knees to yank out some weeds, refusing to look Dwight in the eyes, “I need nothin’. Just want people ta stop askin’ me if I’m alright.”

       “Ya ever think the reason ya hate hearin’ that question is cause ya hate bein’ reminded the answer’s no.”

       Beth froze as a flood of emotions started berating the walls she had built up to protect herself. It was like if she moved, they’d somehow get in. Her heartrate sped up at the idea alone. Then, she turned on Dwight. Her words bitter, “Ya ever think ya’ll just expect somethin’ ta be wrong? I’m fine.”

       Liar, liar panties on fire.

       She could practically feel his breath on her neck as Negan’s words sliced through her mind.

       When she refocused on Dwight, the look of pity on his face made Beth recoil. He looked so sincere and hurt for her, but it was the pity that sent her spiraling. When she tried to glance back up to the watch point, she didn’t see Daryl or Rick. Her sense of peace was gone. She looked around for him franticly. Beth got to her feet, still holding the shovel in her hands as she scanned the surrounding area for Daryl. Her vision narrowed to pinpoints as her ears started to ring.

       You let your guard down and look what happened. Now, ya can come runnin’ back to me. On your knees. Beggin’.

       Beth dug her nails into flesh of her palm. Pain to push away pain. Pain to block out more pain. A hand closed around her forearm and pulled, keeping her from digging her nails in any further. She simultaneously whipped her head towards Dwight and yanked her arm out of his grasp. He held his hands up in front of him, like he was showing her he wouldn’t try anything.

       His lips moved, but she didn’t hear what he said. Beth shook her head, trying to clear the panic. Dwight said it again, “He’s there.”

       He nodded his head behind her. She turned around to see Daryl just down the street. He was talking with Michonne and Rick outside their house. Beth thought he looked tense even from behind. Michonne was carrying Judith on her hip, who was looking sleepily between Daryl and Rick. She guessed she’d just woken up from her nap.

       Beth watched her family from afar, safe yet inaccessible. She watched them from the outside and the worst part was she knew it was her fault. It was like watching them from behind glass. Able to see their love, but not feel it. And it was her fault alone. She had pushed everyone away in an attempt to hide herself. It felt so long ago when she promised herself she would no longer suffer alone or in silence. That she would let people help her.

       You think they’re gonna except the real reason you didn’t kill me? The real reason you’re weak.

       The thudding of Lucille pounded in her head as he spoke. She felt like screaming. Felt like ripping her hair out. Felt like killing someone. Something. Anything. She needed to feel anything but this constant suffering.

       She needed Daryl. He was the only one that made it go away.

       There was a reason Beth hid. There was a reason she deserved to drown alone. Edwards had told her she was too forgiving. She remembered asking herself if her willingness to forgive had become a weakness.

       It had.

       Beth had let him in. Now, she was burning.

 

 

~

 

 

       The sun had set an hour ago. Daryl grinded out his cigarette under his boot and walked up the stairs to his house. His house. It still sounded off to him. This was his home, but it was starting to become unrecognizable. Somehow, it felt different. Wrong.

       He walked into the house and saw Mika and Carl on the couch. He was throwing a tennis ball against the wall and Mika was reading. It was a strange sight. Everything had become strange to him. They both looked so much older. In his mind, they were the same age they were at the prison. They were stuck as kids, but looking at them now, it was like he missed the part where they grew up.

       They were still kids on the outside, but all the fucked-up shit that’s happened to them clearly aged them both.

       He was exhausted just looking at them, “Ain’t ya’ll supposed ta be in bed or somethin’?”

       They both looked up at him like they hadn’t heard him come in. Mika was the only one that replied, unsurprisingly, “Carol said I could finish this chapter first.”

       He grunted, eyeing them both, but Mika wasn’t a liar. And Daryl was too tired to care whether they stayed up or not. So, he headed for the stairs without another word.

       “Goodnight,” Mika called from the living room as Daryl ascended the stairs.

       He didn’t respond because he was already preparing for what he’d find behind his bedroom door. He knew Beth was in there. He knew she’d be his wife again and he was sure he couldn’t take it tonight.

       Daryl stood in front of their door. He blew out a long sigh through his nose and opened the door. His eyes immediately found her. She was sitting on the bed, her head leaning back against the wall. When he stepped into the room, she sat up and smiled at him.

       Beth smiled at him like everything was all right.

       Instead of the momentary relief and peace it usually brought him at seeing his girl again, he felt an overwhelming sense of distress. His breathing became shallow. His eyes burned. His whole body tensed up like he was facing an enemy instead of his wife. The only thing he could compare it to was right before he found out Beth had been taken. He knew something had been wrong, but he hadn’t been sure how wrong.

       He tracked her with his eyes as she got up from the bed and walked over to him. It was too much, watching her be here and then not be here. Her hands connected with his chest and ran up to his shoulders until they were wrapped around his neck. Her eyes were bright like they always used to be. They were filled with all the love he never thought he deserved.

       And it was too much.

       As she raised up on her toes to kiss him, Daryl pulled away.

       “Stop. Just stop, Beth,” Daryl grunted.

       Beth’s eyes went wide as she took a step back, pulling her hands away like she’d been burned, “What’s wrong?”

       He scoffed, “What’s wrong?” He knew he was being cruel, but everything was boiling over. He couldn’t take it. “Ain’t doin’ this anymore. Ain’t helpin’ ya avoid all the shit ya don’t wanna deal with.”

       The minute the words were out of his mouth, he watched her ghost reappear and her barriers snap back into place, “I’m fine.” Her words were monotoned and lifeless. Stabbing him in the ribs would’ve hurt less. Edwards digging shards of fragmented bullet out of chest hurt less than those two words. She never lied to him. He couldn’t watch her waste away into nothing anymore. He couldn’t be a part of it.

       “You’re lyin’. Ya ain’t gonna be able ta keep that shit buried. Let it fuckin’ hurt. Ya don’t wanna talk to me. Alright. Talk ta anyone. Doin’ what you’re doin’ s’gonna get ya killed,” Daryl said, his voice hard, “You're always preachin' to the damn choir 'bout talkin'. Wantin' ta know what's in my head. What? That only goes one way now?" He watched her eyes shudder with pain. Good.

       Beth answered too quickly, "I'm dealin' with it.”

       He scoffed, "By kickin' the shit outta Abraham every day. By avoidin' everyone that wants ta help."

       "Cause it's none'a anyone's business, Daryl!" Beth exclaimed. He watched her cave in on herself as the words left her mouth in a huff. He saw the quick flash of shame before she covered it up with the blank expression he’d gotten so used to.

       He couldn’t breathe. Daryl grabbed her left hand and turned it towards her, putting the ring he gave her into her line of sight. "It's my fuckin' business long as you're wearin' this," he spit back at her.

       Beth got quiet as she stared at the ring on her finger. Daryl’s heart was beating so loud it threatened to drown out her voice when she finally spoke again. The look in her eyes was pained, but red-hot anger was flooding to the surface. Something sparked in Daryl because anger was better than nothing.

       "What do ya wanna hear? That he touched me? That he brought me to bed? That what ya wanna hear so ya have another excuse ta go kill him! He never touched me. Not once. An' he made sure no one else did either."

       Daryl froze. That second of hopefulness extinguished as quickly as it had come. He fully turned towards her, a cold chill running through his body, "So, you're defendin' him now? That why he's alive? Cause he protected you."

       Something he said must have knocked the wind out of Beth because her anger disappeared and she seemed to be catapulted a million miles away. Her head started to shake back and forth and her eyes squeezed shut. Daryl watched as her arms crossed over her chest like she was protecting herself from something he couldn’t see. He fought the urge to reach for her and say he was sorry for being an ass. Her reaction completely overshadowed the realization for why she kept Negan alive.

       Then, it all melted away and the distant, dazed Beth stood in her place. Her arms dropped to her side and her eyes were looking through him as she said, “He’s alive cause he deserves ta suffer for what he did.”

       Defeat. That’s what Daryl felt when he looked at her. He couldn’t make her want to fight. She had to want it. Daryl blew out a long breath through his nose and said, “You’re lyin’.”  

       And he left. Beth had to choose to fight. No one could make her. He wasn’t going to help her destroy herself.

 

~

 

       Beth watched Daryl walk out the door. He didn’t blow up or yell. He just left. And that was far worse than if he had just screamed at her. Beth wanted to scream at him to come back. Scream that she was broken and doesn’t know how to put the pieces back together or even where to start. She wanted to yell that she wasn’t fine. In fact, she felt so far from fine that she couldn’t tell which direction she should head in to find it.

       She wanted to shout that she couldn’t look at herself in the mirror. That she couldn’t hold Judith anymore. That she thought about killing more than anything. She thought about what it felt like for her blade to sever throats. What it felt like when her blade entered someone’s chest. She thought about the people she killed and how she felt after each and every one of them. She wanted to scream that she couldn’t get Negan’s voice out of her head. That sometimes, in the darkest recesses of her mind, she played their conversations over and over again. Like she missed them.

       Beth wanted to tell Daryl that the only time she felt sane was when she was with him, even though she couldn’t push herself to tell him the truth. It was like she was dragging around an extra ton of weight shackled to her ankles, but nobody could see it but her. And when she was with him, it all felt lighter. Selfishly, she hadn’t realized until that moment how much she’d been hurting him too. She didn’t realize that her grasping for any sort of happiness was dragging him into hell with her.

       Her walls were crumbling as Daryl’s words played in her head: Cause he protected you. Was that why Negan was alive? No. No. She wanted him to suffer. That's why he was still alive.

       You didn't want to kill me.

       Beth shook her head, trying to get rid of Negan’s voice. No. Negan thrived off of other people and without them he was nothing. He would rot in solitary confinement. That's what she wanted.

       Who are you?

       Beth covered her eyes with her hand, a sob catching in the back of her throat. He was inside her all the time and she couldn’t get him out. She hated hearing his name spoken from other people’s lips. She hated hearing about the Sanctuary. She hated hearing about the Saviors. It all brought him back. She wanted to disappear.

       You’re weak.

       His voice clambered around in her head, making her want to scream. She needed to scream. She needed to disappear.

       You’re Negan.

       Beth disappeared.

Notes:

CLARIFYING NOTE: Beth does NOT have feelings for Negan! And Daryl and Rick do NOT believe she has feelings for him!

The conversation between Rick and Daryl on their watch shift is not them coming to the conclusion that Beth has feelings for Negan. It is them speculating that Beth may have a mild case of Stockholm Syndrome. That's what Rick is implying with the story he told Daryl. I took that monologue from 3x04 and tweaked it a little bit to fit the circumstances and I think it ended up adding a lot to that scene.

So, there was a lot covered in this chapter, but not a lot of action. I figured everyone needed a break and these characters needed time to sort through everything that happened.

To put it bluntly, Beth is using sex to block out and push away all the pain she's trying to hold at bay. She's dealing with Negan constantly being in her head, feeling ashamed for "caring" about him given everything he did, wanting to hate him and forget him, still not processing the death of Aidan and Tyreese and what she did to Joey, feeling like there's someone else living inside her body, not recognizing who she is anymore, dealing with panic attacks every time Daryl isn't around, pushing her family away because she's afraid of what they'll think of her if they know the truth. There's a lot and being with Daryl makes her feel like herself again even just for a brief moment.

Daryl's feelings although still very complex are a little clearer. He's dealing with the trauma of Beth being taken, but also the guilt of her coming back different. Daryl loves Beth so deeply that he knows her better than she knows herself at the moment. Beth is in denial about certain things that Daryl sees her lying about. He calls her out for it at the end of the chapter. They're going through a rough patch right now, but don't worry the grass will be greener on the other side :)

Another thing I want to be clear on. Beth is NOT forcing Daryl into doing anything with her. He is very willingly sleeping with her. He doesn't regret the times they're together. HIs outburst is him having a hard time with seeing the old Beth appear and then disappear constantly.

Dwight and Beth's conversation was a must. Dwight, Sherry, and Tina are probably the only people besides Amber and Mark that understand what Beth is going through. Even though Beth's circumstances were remarkably different than each of them, it is still the closest. If anyone could understand it would be Dwight.

Anyways, thank you all so much for loving on this story constantly. You all are the best readers any author could ask for. All the love and I can't wait to chat with you as always <3

Chapter 46: The Truth Will Set You Free

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Another Sunday, another update! I have an important chapter for you all this week...

Come chat with me in the comments and, of course, all the love and hugs to you guys <3 You all are truly the best!

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       Beth jolted awake as her nightmare slipped into a foggy state of existence. She tried grasping onto it, but all she could remember was Negan’s breath against her ear and screaming. So much screaming. She gripped onto the sheets trying to ground herself in reality, counting all her fingers and toes until her breathing went back to normal.

       When she turned to the left to look for Daryl, she realized he wouldn’t be there. It was the third night he’d slept on the couch downstairs. And it was her third time trying to sleep even though she knew it would end in nightmares. Daryl would meet her at training with Abraham and Rosita. He stayed by her side all day, but at night he left.

       Familiar piercing cries erupted from downstairs, halting her train of thought. Judith. A warning blared in Beth’s head: Stay away. But her heart ached. Her soul ached for the little girl she’d abandoned. Beth shook her head clear and quickly threw on some clothes and strapped her knives and gun to her body. She left her boots off, hoping to slip past the kitchen without drawing any notice.

       Her bare feet padded down the steps and into the hallway, but a familiar voice that used to bring her comfort called out to her through her apathy, “Beth, got a second.”

       Rick’s voice used to bring her so much peace and comfort. Knowing he was around meant they were safe. Now, all his voice brought was guilt. Shame. Beth knew she was letting him down one way or another, especially with his little girl. Regardless of what she thought, Beth couldn’t avoid him even if she tried. He was family. It didn’t matter what level of hell she was in; she’d come running if her family needed her. She always would. It’s why she flayed herself alive for Negan.

       You’ll always be Negan’s whore.

       Gary’s voice rang in her head, a chill running down her spine that made her gut churn. She wondered how Gary knew. He saw her around before Negan assigned him the satellite station, but she never clocked him as one of the brightest bulbs in the box. She knew Negan never liked him much either. The only reason he got the job was because he was loyal. And as Negan always liked to say, “Ya can’t buy that shit. Not in this world.”

       Whore. Beth despised the word. It crawled through her mind tainting every good memory she had. It poisoned her thoughts. Her actions. It made her second guess every single time she told Daryl she needed him. Made that insecure part of herself rear its ugly head. Suddenly, a little quip thrown as a last resort became another noose tied around her neck. Because it was true, wasn’t it? She had sold herself to Negan. Maybe not her body, but everything else. Her heart sunk and everything around her became a duller shade of grey.

       Beth walked into the kitchen with more than a little apprehension, but when she saw Rick was alone with Judith, some relief filled her. It was a lot easier to hide when she only had to hide from one person. She looked at the scene in front of her. Judith was struggling in her daddy’s arms, fighting him every step of the way. His piercing blue eyes landed on her as he said, “Can ya take her for a second?”

       An overwhelming sense of panic burst through her as his question filled the air between them. She eyed the high chair sitting in full view next to Rick and she realized what he was doing.

       Sensing her father was talking to someone, Judith turned her red face towards Beth and her cries quieted momentarily as her glassy eyes took her in. Rick looked between Judith and Beth as the whining ceased and he started rounding the island towards her.

       Beth hastily took a step back as he approached with Judith, “Rick…I—”

       “I need ya ta take her,” Rick insisted, holding Judith out to her.

       “I…I can’t,” she stumbled over her own words, unable to explain herself without unearthing every ungodly thing she’s kept hidden from the light of day.

       “Yes, you can,” he instructed, his voice and eyes hard with determination. The room brimmed with the authority he commanded.

       If Rick told her she could do something, she usually believed him. Somehow, his command overrode all the newly installed hardwiring in her body telling her she didn’t deserve to hold Judith. Beth had known Rick a lot longer than Negan and it seemed his orders overpowered even the vilest things Negan and his cronies whispered in her head.

       Her feet moved on their own accord. Her brain shut off as she reached for Judith and for the first time in a month, Beth held the light of the world in her arms again. The first thing she noticed was how heavy she’d gotten. She wasn’t just a baby anymore. And that thought alone shredded some of her walls down completely. They crumbled in the echo chamber of her soul, allowing for a spec of light to find its way in.

       Judith nuzzled her head into her shoulder, her cries ceasing. Her little hands found the ends of her hair and started clutching and unclutching it in her fist. Beth stood frozen. She looked down at her hands wrapped tightly around Judith and they didn’t look out of place. They didn’t look wrong. She couldn’t see the blood anymore. Her eyes started to burn, a lump forming in her throat. When she glanced back up at Rick, he hadn’t moved. He was watching her, his ever-knowing eyes seeing every truth she tried to hide.

       Rick leaned against the counter, breathing in deep, “Judith. She’s my daughter. I love her. You think I’d ever put her in danger?” Beth’s breathing caught in her throat as she shook her head. Rick would do anything for his family. Kill for them. Die for them. Burn for them. She knew that. He’d do anything to keep his daughter safe. “You trust my judgement?”

       “Yes,” fell from her lips immediately, finding a way to get passed her closed up throat.

       His authoritative voice came back when he spoke again, “Then you’re gonna trust me when I tell ya, you gotta accept it. All of it. What happened, what ya did, what ya lost… There’s gotta be somethin’ after.”

       Rick started to swim in front of her eyes. She tried to blink it all away. Push it all away, but with Judith in her arms, opening up a hole in her barriers, Beth couldn’t. Rick nodded his head towards his daughter, “I know Judith isn’t mine. I know it. I love her. She’s my daughter. But she isn’t mine. I had ta accept that. I did, so I could keep her alive. I’ll die ‘fore she does an’ I hope that’s a long time from now, so I can raise her and protect her and teach her how to survive. I had to accept it. Everythin’ I’ve done has been for her. For Carl.”

       Beth felt like a spear pierced through her gut. Her arms instinctively curled tighter around Judith as the truth hit her full force. And then things started to click, and it felt like her world titled. Shane. Beth had seen the looks between Shane and Lori. Had seen the hostility between Rick and his partner. She always tried her best to stay away from Shane. Something about him made her skin crawl. And his aggression used to scare her. Now, looking back, it just made her blood boil.

       She subconsciously took a step towards Rick, wanting to embrace him, but something still buried deep inside stopped her. Her voice came out scratchy as she spoke, “Are ya tellin’ me I need ta get over it?”

       Rick tilted his head, looking down at her intently, “No, I’m tellin’ you to accept whatever person ya think you’ve become. Accept ‘em as a part’a who ya are. That person kept you alive. I think they deserve a break.”

       With Judith in her arms and Rick seeing through her like glass, she felt more of her walls crumble. The tears in her eyes finally fell from their cage, sliding down her cheeks. She watched as some of them dropped onto the back of Judith’s shirt. Beth felt helpless, like she was floundering in a sea of pain and uncertainty. Could she accept that part of herself?

       She remembered wondering how dark was dark. Beth thought she had figured out the answer the day Simon’s group attacked Alexandria, but she’d been wrong. The well went deeper. There was always farther to fall. How dark was dark? There was always more.

       Who are you?

       Negan’s voice whispered, reminding her of just how far she’d fallen. But his voice was quieter. Less abrasive. Less apparent. She could almost block it out. Beth refocused her eyes on Rick, who was still watching her carefully, wondering if she’d push him away or let him in.

       She let her tears fall. And with it a couple more of her walls came crumbling down.

 

 

~

 

 

       Beth pulled the drawstring back until her hand was level with her mouth. She took a deep breath in and as she let it out, she let the arrow fly. It flew through the air and embedded itself in the jaw of a walker ambling outside the walls of Alexandria.

       It kept coming. The moans getting louder. She notched another arrow and repeated. This time when her arrow thudded into the walker’s skull with a squelch. It dropped to the pavement with a wet thud.

       She glanced down at Daryl below her, who was manning the gate since it was partially open. He casually walked through and gathered her two arrows before returning back inside. His crossbow was resting on his back, a knife in his hand just in case things went bad. He looked back up at her standing on the watch point and nodded at her with praise.

       A shock of pride went through her even as the elephant in the room threatened to suffocate her. They hadn’t talked about what happened. It just hung over them both like a waiting guillotine. It was partially her fault. Beth avoided talking about it because she just wanted everything to be normal. She didn’t want to have to face his words. So, she just took what he gave her greedily. And it was slowly starting to wear on her.  

       Beth readjusted her bow, turning her focus to the task at hand before she devolved any further. It had been too long since she used her bow. She had become so focused on hand-to-hand combat, knife, and gun training that her bow skills had fell to the wayside. She was rusty and she couldn’t have that. Beth had been out here for a couple of hours, clearing walkers from the watch point.

       Daryl insisted on retrieving all her arrows even though she told him countless times she could do it herself. She wondered if it had to do with her going outside the walls. Daryl had become more protective of her since she returned from Sanctuary. He’d always been protective, but this was different. He was more adamant about her safety and security. It made him antsy and tightly wound.

       Beth rolled her shoulders, trying to stretch out the tightness that she knew would turn into soreness later. Daryl called out from below, “That’s enough.”

       She wasn’t about to argue. Beth threw her bow over her shoulder and descended the ladder. Daryl approached her and stopped a foot away. His eyes bounced around her face like he was waiting for something. Her eyebrows furrowed in question as her head tilted to look up at him. He reached out a hand, gently grazing it along her arms before he turned her around and placed her arrows back into her makeshift quiver.

       She marveled at their ability for silent communication. After everything, it was still as simple as breathing. It still made her heart flutter. Their ability to read each other was the only normal thing anymore. The only consistency. It had become a kernel of hope in the darkness.

       Approaching footsteps made her turn away from her husband to see Amber and Mark approaching them. Amber smiled shyly, before glancing back at Mark, who seemed to be acting as a silent wall of encouragement.

       “Hi, Beth. Daryl,” Amber said, seemingly stalling. She looked nervous. And Beth immediately tried to soften her face to appear less harsh. Daryl eyes scanned Amber and Mark, clearly curious. His usual narrowed gaze also softened at the sight of Amber’s wringing hands. It was the same look he wore when he was holding Judith.

       “How’re ya’ll settlin’ in?” Beth asked, trying to put her at ease by opening up the conversation. As much as she had changed, her good southern manners weren’t going away.

       Amber nodded, a small smile spreading across her face, “Good. You guys have been so kind to us. I never thought I’d see a place like this again.”

       “We owe you a lot,” Mark added.

       Mark’s words made Beth cringe inwardly, “You don’t owe me anythin’. Ever.” It made her feel dirty. Made her feel like Negan. He always used to say: You owe me. She watched him say it over and over again to his own people. Beth didn’t want anyone to owe her anything.

       Amber must have sensed her uneasiness because she finally said what was really on her mind. “I was hoping you and Daryl could teach me how to use…” she gestured towards the bow on her back, “I’m no good with guns or fighting, but I know I need to learn something.”

       Beth glanced at Daryl because he was the one that would have to teach her. He looked apprehensive as he started biting the inside of his cheek, but he replied, nodding his head, “Alright. We’ll start after the run in two weeks. See if we can find ya somethin’ out there. Best start gettin’ your strength up.”

       Amber nodded, a warm smile taking over her face. But as Beth watched her, she saw it didn’t quite reach her eyes. There were shadows in her, just like there were in Beth, but somehow, she still shone will kindest. How was it that Amber went through the worst situation and was still able to be herself? She knew she didn’t see everything. Amber struggled, but she still smiled. Laughed. Still had hope.

       “Thank you,” she replied before turning back to join Mark. As they walked away, he was looking down at her with so much pride in his eyes. It reminded her of the look Daryl gave her after she killed the woman in the convenience store.

       “Ya know ya didn’t have ta do that,” Beth said. She knew Daryl would prefer not to get to know more people. It was a fear they both had now. The more people she grew to care about, the more it would hurt to lose them.

       Daryl grunted back, “I know.” She waited for him to add more, “Ain’t been long since ya asked me the same thing.”

       It felt like it had been years, but in reality, it hadn’t been long in the grand scheme of things. That girl had so much fire and now she was barely an ember. She was fueled by anger and guilt and shame. Not hope. It had been long enough that she forgot what real hope felt like.

       “Was naïve ta think it’d make a difference,” she said more to herself than to him. Because all the training in the world could’ve never prepared her for what it felt like to take an innocent life. For what true survival was. Survival wasn’t living. It was a brutal existence that only allowed her to keep breathing. Allowed her to remain in her empty shell surrounded by goods things she could no longer feel.

       Her training may have protected her from death, but at what cost?

 

 

~

 

 

       It was a warm night. The humidity made her break out in sweat. It clung to her like a second skin and made her hair curl around her neck. She haphazardly pulled it into a ponytail, her sweaty hands yanking out strands of hair in the process. She winced as her hands grazed her neck. Beth thought she'd gotten past that particular problem, but it seemed to have gotten worse since she'd gotten back from Sanctuary.

       She didn’t know how long she’d been staring at the ceiling, but it was long enough that she contemplated shooting a hole in it just so she had something else to look at. Beth let her head fall to left side of the bed to see the empty space where Daryl should be. The sight made her chest ache.

       It was the fourth night of trying to sleep without him. And it was breaking her. She felt his absence so wholly and physically. It was like someone had shot a bullet through her chest.

       Beth hadn't slept in four days. It wasn’t like she was sleeping before, but she could at least rest when his arms were around her. When she could feel and hear his breathing. She didn't feel safe without him. How was she supposed to let her guard down when she didn't know if he was all right? If he was alive?

       He spent every waking moment with her and it still never felt like enough. If she moved, he moved. If he moved, she moved. It was like he was overcompensating for not being with her at night. And she knew it wasn't just for her. Beth had been watching him closely over the last few days and realized how self-absorbed she'd been in her own grief and nihilism.

       Daryl was in pain too. So much pain. She could see it. The bags under his eyes were more pronounced than usual. He could never sit still for more than a minute. He constantly watched her like she'd disappear any second. He snapped at things and people he never used to, which was why she was surprised when he agreed to help Amber.

       It was like looking at the Daryl she knew back on the farm. He was wary, quick to anger, and quieter than he had been in a long time. And the worse part was Beth knew a large part of it was her fault. There was a rift between them. She wanted to tell him everything, but it was like a fist wrapped around her vocal cords, preventing her from letting it all go. And it wasn't just that. Beth didn't know where to start.

       The bed squeaked quietly as she got up, taking her pillow with her. She padded across the floor to the door and left the room that no longer felt like home. If Daryl wasn't there, it wasn't home. She descended the stairs, keeping on her toes hoping not to wake anyone. She’d spent enough time in this house to know where every creaky spot on the stairs were. It was easily avoidable now.

       She silently made her way across the first floor until she made it to the living room. Her eyes scanned around, unable to turn off the instincts this world had beaten into her. She froze when she saw a familiar shape laid out on the couch. 

       Her body relaxed when her eyes started to adjust to the dark. Daryl was fully clothed and still had his shoes on, but by the way his chest was rising and falling, she could tell he wasn’t asleep. She entered the living room hesitantly, like he’d bark at her to get out. She set her pillow on the floor next to the couch and laid down. Now that he was next to her, the exhaustion finally hit her.

       Hard floor. Comfy bed. The cold, hard ground. None’a that matters.

       Beth was struck so hard by the memory she nearly gasped. It burned so brightly in her mind, she felt she had to squint to see it properly. Her and Daryl had been just like they were now, except everything was different. Beth wondered if he remembered that night so long ago before they’d found Rick, Carl, and Michonne. Wondered if he held it close to his heart like she did.

       She held her breath as she waited for him to say something. Anything. She didn't want to disrespect the boundaries he set, but she couldn't do another night without him. Beth had unknowingly pushed him too far in an attempt to put her broken pieces back together. She wouldn't keep pushing even if someone put a gun to her head. She wouldn't hurt him. Never again.

       She started to believe he wouldn’t say anything or even address her presence, so when his deep voice broke the silence, she nearly jumped. “What’re ya doin’, Beth?”

       She let out a long breathe before she replied, trying to keep her tone light, “What’s it look like I’m doin’?”

       The crinkling of the couch alerted her to his movement, “Ya ain’t sleepin’ on the floor.”

       His words were so familiar it was almost painful. A part of her wished she could go back to the girl she was in that Georgian suburban house, but another part of her knew that girl wouldn’t have survived. Beth had to change. It was ironic because, now, she didn’t even recognize herself when she looked in the mirror.

       Beth whispered soberly into the darkness of the room, “I don’t sleep.” It was a small truth. One that slipped past the crack Rick and Judith had made in her defenses.

       Daryl was quiet for so long she thought he’d drifted off, but she knew better. He was thinking. After what felt like an eternity of holding her breath, he said, “Ain’t slept neither.”

       She sighed, speaking soft enough she could barely hear herself, “They really fucked us up good, didn’t they?” She referred to the Saviors as ‘they’ more often than not. It was a way to distance herself from them. From Negan. Most of the time it didn’t work.

       “Mhm,” Daryl grunted his agreement. The distant croaking of the frogs filled the quiet between them, until he continued, “An’ watch your damn language, girl.”

       Despite herself, a smile broke out on her face in the dark and a laugh bubbled up in her chest. She could tell from the way he said it, Daryl was hesitant, like he wasn’t sure how she’d react. “I’m not half as bad as you and Abraham.”

       “Your dad woulda shot me if he heard ya talkin’ like that,” Daryl huffed out.

       Beth shook her head amusedly, “No, he’d of just bit my head off. Woulda been nothin’ ta do with you.”

       He shifted on the couch above her, sitting up, “Your daddy was smart. Woulda known I was rubbin’ off on ya.”

       “In more ways than one.” The minute the words left her mouth, Beth cringed.

       It was too soon to make a joke like that. She wasn’t trying to make light of what happened between her and Daryl. She just wanted to live in the playfulness for a little longer before everything came crashing down. She could feel his simmering gaze on her even though she refused to fully look up at him.

       Beth sat up, pulling her knees to her chest like they’d somehow hold her together. Things had almost felt normal, but there was still a dark cloud hanging over her. Over them. And she needed to relieve it. The blanket of night surrounding them provided a sense of safety as she let more truth unravel, “I’m sorry. I never meant—”

       “Beth…”

       She pushed through his interruption, needing him to hear her, “I’d never wanna make ya feel like that’s all I wanted from you. Ya know that, right? It’s always been more than that.”

       Whore.

       Gary’s voice pushed into her mind, but Daryl’s voice drowned it out, “I know.”

       She finally looked up at him sitting on the couch above her. She hadn’t realized how close he was. He was leaning forward with his forearms on his knees, his head cocked to the right, so he could watch her. He was close enough that she could easily reach out and touch him.

       Her breathing hitched in her throat as her eyes started to burn. Her insecurity made her tremble as she asked, “Why’d ya go? I woulda stopped…”

       Daryl looked like he was about to reach out to her, “Couldn’t say no to ya even if I knew it was only makin’ it worse. Ya think I’d rather be down here than with my wife?”

       A shiver went through her body at hearing him call her his wife. It never failed to make an overwhelming warmth wash over her. And for a split second she felt at peace. He loved her. He still loved her.

       “I’m tryin’…” Beth whispered.

       Daryl reached a hand out to her and she took it immediately. He pulled her up so she was sitting on the couch next to him. His thumb rubbed small circles on her hand that was still engulfed in his.

       Even in the dark she could see his somber eyes staring into her as he asked, “Ya alright?”

       Beth’s heart skipped a beat, because it was the question she dreaded hearing. The question that haunted her waking hours. The question that prompted the first lie she ever told him. He was gauging where she was at based on how she answered. Her pulse seemed to quicken as the lie sat prettily on her tongue, ready to shoot out of her mouth the minute it opened.

       Liar. Monster. Whore. Negan.

       Liar. Monster. Whore. Negan.

       Go ‘head. Lie to him. ‘Less ya want him to see exactly how much I got under your skin.

       Negan’s chuckle filled her mind. His bullshit and innuendos painting her skin with crimson blood. Blood she poured for the sake of survival. For the sake of revenge. For the sake of family.

       Family. She couldn’t lose them.

       Beth head fell forward, her hand gripping Daryl’s for dear life, as she murmured, “No.”

       Daryl didn’t say anything, but something clearly shifted in the air between them. He just pulled her to his chest and wrapped his arms around her. It was everything she needed. She didn’t crawl into his lap like she wanted to, but she curled up into his side. And they stayed like that until a hazy sleep overtook her body.

        But deep beneath the surface, something had snapped.

 

 

~

 

 

       The Sanctuary was empty. Not a soul in sight. Even the groaning of the metal infrastructure was silent. Her bare feet sucked up the cold of the concrete below her. Beth looked around the first floor. Something was wrong. All the benches and the tables were gone. The sheets that acted as privacy walls had vanished. It was just an open metal box. A coffin. A shiver went up her spine at the thought.

       Something was wrong. Where was everyone? An unnerving feeling crept through her body, lighting up all her senses.

       “Dwayne?” She called out into the silence, “Amber?” The echo bounced off the walls and rang in her head.

       Suddenly as if in response to her call, a distressed and muffled sound broke the quiet. Beth whipped her head towards the noise and her stomach dropped. In the center of the room was a man. He was strapped to a metal chair, his mouth gagged. The piece of cloth in his mouth was tied so tight it was pulling the corners of his mouth backward. He was staring at her, eyes red-rimmed and pleading. Beth took a step towards him and his body surged forward against his restraints, making her halt, “Help! Please!”

       His wails tugged a familiar string inside her. It felt like she’d heard those screams before, but the man’s face was almost blurry. If she looked at him in her peripherals, his name sat on the tip of her tongue, but when she looked straight at him, everything was hazy.

       Heat encompassed her back and goosebumps broke out all over her body. Somehow, she knew without looking who was behind her. Beth refused to acknowledge him, because if she didn’t, maybe he’d disappear. She kept her eyes glued to the man in front of her and in a split second, he went from pleading to cowering.

       “Come on, Beth. The rules keep us alive. You know who ya are. What needs to be done. There is always a cost. It’s him or them,” Negan’s voice slithered into her ear and she started to tremble. “Don’t pussy out on me now.”

       Beth couldn’t move. Her fear writhed inside her, keeping her from moving, speaking, doing anything. Negan rounded her, coming to stand in her line of sight. He towered over her, his eyes cold and lifeless, and when he smiled, he looked like a shark. He nodded his head towards the man behind him, “Go ‘head. Be who you were made to be.”

       Almost like an invisible tether yanking her forward, she stumbled towards the man like a puppet on a string. She tried to stop. Tried to run, but all her power and strength had turned to dust beneath her feet.

       She was six feet away when she looked down and saw a hot iron resting in her gloved hand. She was four feet away when she tried to throw it to the floor. She was two feet away from the man now bucking in his chair when she started to scream.

       One foot away she raised the iron. She ripped her vocal cords to shreds. She begged. Pleaded. Her body worked on its own accord. Like it wasn’t hers to command anymore.

       When the iron was inches from the man’s face, he fully turned towards her. And the face staring back at her finally emerged from the haze.

       Aidan. It was Aidan’s face staring back at her with betrayal and hatred.

       “It was always gonna be him.”

       Those were the last words Beth heard before she rammed the iron into Aidan’s face. Her body shook at the effort it took to hold the iron to his skull. Beth screamed and screamed and screamed as she watched herself do the unthinkable. Her eyes were glued to Aidan’s as the agony overtook him and the light left his eyes.

       Then darkness consumed her.

       Beth floundered. The image of Aidan’s skin melting. The smell of his flesh burning. It all remained with her until she was ripped from her peaceful darkness and thrown on a dirt road.

       Sobbing and wailing surrounded Beth, creating a sick symphony to accompany the night. She saw her fingers first. They were bloody as they dug into the ground beneath her. She was disoriented, confused. The exhaustion in her bones was unnatural.

       “Dolor hic tibi proderit olim.”

       Beth head whipped up from the ground and her eyes crashed into Aidan’s again. And she realized where she was.

       No. No. She couldn’t watch him die again. No.

       But she couldn’t look away. Her head and eyes were locked in place as Negan held Simon’s gnashing jaws to Aidan’s neck. Beth wailed as she watched the blood drain from his neck, but it was the gurgling noises that were the worst. She sobbed and pleaded and watched the life drain from him. He tried to hold his jugular together, but it was no use. Beth was forced to watch as he silently called out her name.

       Everything played out in front of her until there was nothing left.

       “It was always gonna be him.”

       “Dolor hic tibi proderit olim.”

       “Who are you?”

       “You’ll always be Negan’s whore.”

       “So, I’ll never forgive you, but I don’t wanna hate you.”

       “He just took one or six or seven for the team!”

       “Empires fall, Negan. They always do.”

       “You think after everything I’m still gonna give you up?”

       “I get it now.”

           

 

~

 

 

       Beth woke up screaming. Her nightmare coated her mind and body like dried blood. And everything was spiraling. Her very soul deteriorated from watching all her pain play over and over again like a film reel. Reality wasn’t real. Her mind was a prison holding her in chains that only tightened when she acknowledged them. Beth heaved.

       She tried to stand. Her surroundings were familiar, but everything was pulsating. Her ears were buzzing. It felt like she was going to die. The pain rippled over her haphazardly. She couldn’t do it. Off in the distant she thought she heard herself begging and moaning in pain, but she couldn’t be sure.

       Then, Daryl abruptly filled her vision and she crashed back into her body.

       It was like she’d been observing her own pain and now she was feeling it. Agony ripped through her. Shredded her. Skinned her alive. Flayed her open. And she couldn’t breathe.

       “Beth!” Daryl roared her name and this time she heard it. His hands were clutching her arms, trying to hold her steady, but everything burned.

       She gasped, letting her head roll back towards the ceiling as the truth torn itself from her mind and body, “Aidan saved you. He did that. And I couldn’t save him…He’s gone. Oh God…he’s gone. Tyreese. He—”

       Her knees started to give out as the dam finally broke and all the pain and trauma she’d been keeping at bay poured forth into the world. Daryl lunged for her before she could hit the floor, his arms acting like a band keeping her from breaking. But it was too late. As all the pain came barreling into her, Beth’s scream was raw and guttural. It writhed in the silence of the night.

       Tyreese was gone. Aidan was gone. She killed Joey. She killed the kid running away. She cared about the monster who killed her family.

       Beth sobbed and heaved as Daryl held her against his chest. She shuddered as the agony continued.

       She was vaguely aware of Rick, Michonne, and Carol running into the living room with their weapons drawn. She saw her pain transfer to them as they realized what was happening. Eventually, Daryl pulled her to the floor, still holding her against him.

       And eventually, her wails and moans of pain subsided and all that was left was the truth and a well of despair she had to climb out of. Everything hurt and ached inside and out. One last confession slipped passed her lips before oblivion finally took her.

        “I’m Negan.”

       The truth was finally free.

Notes:

So, as painful as this chapter was, we're on the up now! She needed to go through this so she could start healing. Holding all that trauma in was never going to work. It needed to boil over. Beth comes to terms with a lot of things in this chapter and all of those things will be explored further, but as I said before she's not just dealing with the pain of losing people. She's dealing with the person Negan turned her into and realizing she kept him alive because she "cared" (again, mild case of Stockholm, but also a very complex relationship).

Honestly, this chapter was a hot mess before I started writing the nightmare sequence. That scene was what pulled it all together. All I had planned out for this chapter was the Rick and Beth scene and the last couple of paragraphs. So, I was floundering with how to get from point A to B. It all came together when I had the idea of transitioning Daryl and Beth's scene to the nightmare scene. It was a perfect way to show that her telling Daryl the truth was what broke the dam.

I know Beth's reaction is extreme, but that's the point. From the series, we see how Beth reacts to her mom's "death", Hershel's death, and a couple other things. She usually reacts pretty quickly afterwards. In this case, Beth was forced to push it all aside so she could survive at Sanctuary. Then, everything that happened at Sanctuary got piled on top of that. She never properly mourned Tyreese or Aidan. In fact, she actively dissociated so she could interact with them when she was locked up. So, no, I don't think her reaction is extreme. The amount of trauma Beth went through is unbelievable honestly.

The Rick and Beth scene was a long time coming. This was one of the first cracks in her walls. I took the monologue Rick had with Michonne in 7x04 and reworked it. I genuinely love this scene and I'm so proud of it. We get to see leader Rick and how much Beth respects and loves him. And of course, our girls were finally reunited <3

Daryl and Beth have a fun little playful moment in this chapter. They needed to address the elephant in the room about the shift in their relationship. But the scene is also there to show some of the old Beth peaking through the cracks that have formed. Plus, we get a good heart to heart.

Anyways, all the love to you all. I hope you all are doing well. See you in the comments <3

Chapter 47: The Well

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I am here to give you the aftermath after last chapter. This is a bit slower of a chapter, but necessary so we can move forward to some fun/interesting things I have planned!

Anyways, thank you all so much for the love you've given me and this story. This story wouldn't be written without you. All the love and come chat with me in the comments so I can hear all your thoughts <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       "I hear him. All the time. It used to be you. Tellin' me how strong I was. Tellin' me how to survive. An' he took that from me. Now, it's just him. Tellin' me how ta kill. Remindin' me I'm a monster. That I'm Negan," Beth felt a familiar swelling in her chest as she pushed to continue talking, "I see him when I close my eyes. I see Lucille. I see burnin' flesh and ripped out throats. I smell it. It's everywhere all the time. You're the only one that got rid'a it, but it just came back stronger. I couldn't...couldn't hold Judith. Couldn't look in the mirror. Negan...he ironed Joey, but it might as well've been me. It was the only way to make sure the Sanctuary fell.” 

       Beth whispered her truth into the quiet of their room. Daryl's breathing was the only thing she heard as she confessed sin after sin. His arms remained wrapped around her through the whole thing, holding her tightly to his chest. He never spoke. He just let her talk. Ramble. Confess. But whatever she was doing turned the sharp never-ending pain into a pounding ache instead.

       "Then, I almost killed him for what he was gonna do to Dwight and Sherry. I had to protect 'em. And I knew he'd never stop 'less he was taken out. I was the only person there who could get close enough to finish it. It had to be me. Thought I'd feel relieved…" Beth curled into Daryl more, her fingers gripping his arm for dear life, "The thing 'bout him sufferin' more was true. But I didn't want him to die, Daryl. I cared whether he lived or died. I wasn't relieved. I was scared."

       She choked out the last part, a lump forming in her throat, "Thought if he died, everythin' I turned into would…stick. I became him. He's still inside me. If he died, I'd never get rid'a him. I know what he did. I was there. It happened right in front'a me. I… I don't need to be reminded who he is. What he's capable of. I look at Amber an' wonder how she survived. How she's still her. Still sweet and kind. The worst thing he ever did was to her. I… I can't even stand to hear his name most'a the time."

       Beth knew she sounded almost petulant, but everything was spilling out. She tried to figure out how Daryl was taking it by the feel of his body against hers, but all he ever did was hold her tighter. He didn't interrupt even as the tears started to flow again. Even as the sun started to rise. He never moved from his spot behind her. Beth needed to see his face.

       Daryl's arms tightened around her when she tried to pull away enough to turn around. She thought he didn't want her leaving his space, until he started to speak, "I'm sorry, Beth. Shoulda gotten ya outta there when I found out. Shouldn't of left ya." 

       His voice was thick and she could tell he was speaking through his own emotions. It made her eyes well up just hearing him like that. And she realized why he didn't want her to turn around and see him. "It's not your fault."

       Beth tried to face him again. His arms loosened this time and she could finally turn to see him. Her chest clenched when she saw his red rimmed eyes. It made them so blue it was hard to look anywhere else. Her hand automatically rested on his cheek as she reiterated, "It's not your fault, Daryl." A new wave of tears fell down her cheeks. Her heart pounded, echoing against her ribs, "He woulda killed you. An' I never woulda forgiven ya. You did the right thing. Can't protect me from everythin'."

       "You're my fuckin' wife. It's my responsibility," he grunted, letting his forehead rest against hers.

       She couldn't respond. She loved him so much it hurt sometimes. As the full truth hung between them, Beth's entire body slumped from exhaustion. Her throat was raw from talking and her face red and puffy from crying. She felt her eyes flutter shut, the distant memory of her screams echoing in her mind. Even though they were still loud, her exhaustion was bone deep.

       Beth fell into a rickety sense of peace and before she slipped fully into unconsciousness, she heard Daryl whisper, "I'll be back."

       Even as sleep claimed her finally, she reached for him as he untangled himself.

 

~

 

       Daryl closed the bedroom door behind him. He wasted no time beelining for the front door. His boots were heavy on the stairs, not caring to quiet himself. He flung open the front door and stepped out onto the porch. The cool morning air wrapped around him, calming his raging heart and mind. But it wasn’t enough.

       The sun was rising. Alexandria was still quiet, but it wouldn't be long before people were up and getting to work. Daryl patted himself down for his pack of cigarettes, finding them in his back pants pocket. He placed his second to last one between his lips, striking a match to light it. Taking a deep, long drag, he paced the length of the porch. His mind was reeling and he couldn't get Beth's screams out of his head. They played on repeat, taunting him. Each time caused a searing pain to go through his body.

       He paused at the railing, leaning his forearms against it as he tried to breath. He couldn't help her. Everything she told him…she'd gone through hell and all he'd done was make it worse. He left her to fend for herself and claimed it was for the best.

       All his rage was directed at Negan. Daryl wanted blood. He deserved to die for what he did to Aidan and Tyreese alone. Now, Beth. That asshole used her kindness against her. Used the heart Daryl loved to turn her inside out. He couldn't unravel everything Beth told him. Couldn't even begin to understand how any of that must feel. Not with her screams filling his head.

       He needed to make it stop.

       His decision solidified in his mind as he rolled his cigarette between his thumb and pointed finger. Without much thought, he twisted the lit bud of his cigarette into his hand. The burn barely touched the inner turmoil writhing in his gut, so he pressed it in harder, making sure to twist it in. He wiped the ash away, exposing the perfect circular burn mark on his left hand. It was eerie how little he felt it. It was nothing compared to Beth’s pain.

       Daryl disposed of it and stalked down the porch steps towards the street. He needed to make it all stop. He needed to make it right for her.

       It didn’t take long for him to get to the armory. Olivia was already up and taking inventory, but he didn’t pay her much mind as he grabbed a handgun and a full clip. He saw her scribble it down in her notebook as he vacated the room and pushed on to the garage that housed his bike. The garage made a loud screeching noise as he threw it open, no doubt alerting everyone that lived in the vicinity, but he didn’t care. Daryl holstered his crossbow and gun on his bike as he started it up.

       It roared to life, sounding three times as loud in the confines of the garage. His blood pumped through his veins violently, making his vision pulse around the edges. He drove out of the garage and to the front gate.

       Thankfully, Aaron was switching watch shifts with Abraham when he pulled up. Aaron had recovered quicker than most gave him credit for. He adapted to having one less arm with determination. Gabriel and the blacksmith at Hilltop spent a good deal of time helping Aaron create a prosthetic. Daryl couldn’t help but respect and admire him. His face still had some yellowing from healing bruises, but all things considered, he looked all right.

       As Abraham climbed the ladder, he shouted down to him, “Where’re you goin’?”

       “Out,” he responded with a clipped tone, his knuckles clenching the handle bars until they turned white.

       “No, shit. You got specifics?” Abraham continued to question.

       Aaron nodded at Daryl and went to open the gate without asking a single question. As Aaron slung his gun over his shoulder to reach for the gate, a familiar voice shouted from behind him, loud enough to be heard over the engine, “Aaron, wait!”

       Michonne appeared in front of his bike somewhat out of breath like she’d run all the way from the house. Abraham and Aaron clocked the exchange, eyebrows raised in confusion.

       “Don’t do this. You’re going to regret it,” Michonne finally said. The familiarity of the events unfolding was only making his blood boil more. Rick had stopped him from going after Beth and she was changed by those two weeks. Haunted. Now, Michonne was stopping him from making things right, again.

       Daryl shut off his engine, throwing the kickstand down, but he didn’t make a move to get off the bike, “Ain’t doin’ nothin’.”

       Michonne raised her eyebrow, cocking her head, as sarcasm dripped from her voice, “So, you’re not goin’ to kill Negan?”

       “Makin’ it right. Shoulda put a bullet in his head in that parkin’ lot,” Daryl gritted out.

       Her eyes softened to Daryl’s surprise, “If you can tell me, right now, this is what Beth wants, I’ll step aside and not say a word.” Her all-knowing eyes scanned his face and he couldn’t take it. Abraham and Aaron had turned away, trying to look like they weren’t eavesdropping.

       “Ya didn’t hear what I heard,” he said, vaguely. Michonne may have heard the screams, but she didn’t have the whole picture. Not like he did. Negan deserved to pay in blood.

       Michonne seemed to switch gears at his answer. She walked around to his side, her face dropping with emotion, “No, I didn’t, but I was there at Kingdom. I wanted him dead too. But this isn’t for her. It’s for you. I know Beth. She needs you here.”

       His heart stuttered as the image of her reaching for him filled his mind. He was leaving her again, letting her fend for herself. Daryl stared at the gate in front of him, imagining his bullet ripping through Negan’s skull. Imagined his brain matter painting the wall of Hilltop’s cellar like he did to Tyreese. Imagined how he would feel seeing him dead underneath his boots. Then, he imagined the look on Beth’s face when she found out he betrayed her trust. And no amount of revenge could make him risk breaking her like that. He wouldn’t do it. If he did, Negan won.

       “Alright,” Daryl finally said.

       Michonne gave him a sad smile as he revved his bike up again, turned around, and drove it back to the garage. His brief walk from the garage to the house made him feel like he’d been hit by a truck. The rage that had been coursing through him receded somewhat, leaving him with a headache and shame that could rival a sinning priest. When the house came into view, he saw Michonne waiting for him on the porch.

       He stopped in front of her once he got up the steps. All the empathy he never got before the world ended was swimming in her eyes. She leaned up against the column of the porch, “How’s she doin’? I know it’s a dumb question, but I gotta ask it.”

       He shook his head, "She's talkin'. That's more than I can say for a couple'a hours ago."

       "Was she awake when you left?"

       "Nah."

       There was a pause before Michonne stated, “You have every right to wanna kill him. Doubt anyone would blame you.”

       “She would. Didn’t hear what I did, Michonne,” he reiterated what he said, careful not to tell specifics. It was Beth’s truth to tell not his. Daryl fidgeted, biting the inside of his cheek out of habit, “Ain’t ever heard her scream like that. Not even with Hershel.”

       He let the rest hang in the air, neither of them needing a reminder about what happened. After the prison, Daryl lived with Beth and Maggie's shouts of anguish. It accompanied the walker's moans and the sound of gunfire. Since then, those had faded, but now they'd been replaced.

       Michonne sighed, "Me neither. Rick and I thought… we thought the worst. Seein' you holding her. I was so relieved you both were alive and then it all got taken away. It's not something I'll forget any time soon, but I think this is a good thing, Daryl. You've seen her these past few weeks. She's been a ghost. Avoiding everyone and everything that made her feel something. She finally let it in. She can safely grieve now. Aidan. Tyreese. And herself."

       Michonne somehow always knew what was what. Right from wrong. Up from down. She knew. Daryl respected what she had to say. She was family and he trusted her with his life. And maybe more importantly, he trusted her with Beth's. When he didn't reply she added, "Rick told me she held Judith yesterday."

       His ears perked up at that and he turned to look at her, "Yeah?"

       She nodded, a small smile upturning the corners of her lips, "Yeah. She's gonna be alright. It's just gonna take time." He nodded, hearing her words and trying to take them in, but it was hard when all he heard was screaming. "Will you be okay?"

       "Yeah," he answered before she even finished her question. He was a hypocrite. He expected Beth to always tell him the truth, but he couldn't even do it himself.

       "Daryl…" Michonne knew. She always knew.

       He reworded into a half truth, "Ain't 'bout me."

       Michonne sighed, "It's your pain too."

       She understood more than anymore. Beth's pain was his just like Rick's pain was her's. Daryl realized how much he’d missed since the Savior’s entered their lives. He had been on autopilot, lost in his own anger and fear. He had been drowning and just trying to stay afloat, only to notice too late that there were people throwing him life rafts left and right. Rick and Michonne had become leaders. They always were individually, but now they led together and he hadn’t even realized.

       When he didn’t say anything, lost in thought, she smiled and said “Go back inside to your wife and don’t let me catch you leavin’ again.”

       There was the Michonne Daryl knew. The one that took no shit from anyone. “Yes, ma’am,” Daryl replied. He knew she was right, but that didn’t stop him from getting a little dig in. Michonne hated being called ma’am.

       Her answer was a slap on the shoulder as she passed him to go back into the house. She left the door open behind her and he watched her disappear into the kitchen, something clearly catching her attention.

       Daryl walked into the house, avoiding looking at the living room as he passed. Rick’s voice carried from the kitchen, talking with Michonne, “Where’d you run off to?”

       “Needed some fresh air,” Michonne answered.

       And that was all he heard as Daryl started up the stairs. He appreciated Michonne keeping his fuck up to herself. One day, Beth might let him kill Negan, but that day wasn’t today. And he wouldn’t betray her trust for a moment of satisfaction.

       When he carefully opened the door to their room, he saw Beth just as he left her. She looked like she was actually sleeping. He wondered how long she’d stay asleep this time, but however long it was he’d be there when she woke up this time. Daryl stepped into the room and saw an unfamiliar shape materialize in his left peripheral. His hand reached for his knife. It wasn’t until he turned he realized Mika. She was asleep in the chair. His body settled, but the fear lingered.

       He couldn’t imagine how scared last night had made the girl. He wasn’t going to wake her now, but as he took off his boots she started to stir. Her wide eyes opened up and clocked him immediately and he waited for her to speak first.

       She whispered so low he almost couldn’t hear her, “I’m sorry. I wanted to see if she was alright.”

       He nodded his head in understanding, “Never say sorry for checkin’ on family.”

       The girl got up, rubbing her eyes, “I’m scared.”

       He could clearly see tears gathering in her eyes and he couldn’t take it, “C’mere.” Mika walked into him without hesitation, silent tears falling down her cheeks. His arm wrapped around her shoulders, “Why?”

        “Everything is changing. Everyone is changing. I just want everything to go back to how it was before,” she whispered.

       He couldn’t blame her. Mika had lost so much in the war with the Saviors. He wasn’t sure how much better off she was than Beth. “We’ll make it through. We always do.”

       Mika looked up at him, “Are you scared?”

       “Yeah,” he whispered the truth to her.

       The little girl nodded, determination settling in her eyes, “Can I come back after she wakes up?”

       Daryl nodded. He was sure Beth would enjoy having a conversation that wasn’t about Negan. It would do her some good. Beth loved Mika. And Daryl realized he did too. Just like Judith and Carl. He’d die for them. Somehow that confession struck him. It was so simple, yet it meant everything. These kids were all of theirs. Rick’s. Carol’s. Lori’s. Tyreese’s. Beth’s. Michonne’s. His. Up until this point, he hadn’t considered them his. They were everyone else’s kids. He cared about them, but they weren’t his to raise. Now, they were.

       Mika reluctantly let go and headed for the door. She hesitated in the threshold turning to look at Beth one more time before she closed the door behind her. The minute he heard the click of the latch all his attention turned back to Beth. She was curled around herself like she was trying to conserve warmth. The sight tugged at a possessive place deep down. He never wanted her out of his sight.

       Sleeping on the couch the past couple of nights had been hell. He wouldn’t even call it sleeping. More like waiting for the sun to rise when he knew Beth would come downstairs. Being away from her was agonizing. When she was out of his sight, there were split seconds where he forgot she wasn’t at Sanctuary. A sinking feeling would take over until he remembered she was safe. She was here and she was alive.

       He didn’t waste another second as he sunk into the bed and pulled her to his chest where she belonged.

       The silence of their room made the echo of her screams louder in his mind, but it didn’t matter. Beth had finally let him in.

 

~

 

       “I wanna hate him,” Beth said, staring off into the distance. She read the titles of all the books in the small bookshelf over and over again so she wouldn’t feel the words she was saying.

       Denise busied herself with pretending she was cleaning up the small kitchen next to their makeshift infirmary. It was obvious she was doing it to help Beth feel like there wasn’t a microscope on her. Like she wasn’t judging her too harshly. She stopped rearranging pans long enough to reply thoughtfully, “But you can’t. Why?”

       She let out a long breath, “I don’t know. That’s the problem. Everythin’ he did…” The words got caught in her throat. She swallowed, “I hear his voice and I can’t get it to stop.”

       “What is he saying?” Denise asked, completely abandoning anything to do with the kitchen. Her mind was eerily quiet as she talked to Denise. To the point, where she felt empty. And it seemed like that thought alone summoned him.

       Come on, Beth. Tell her. Tell her ya loved pickin’ my brain. Loved warmin’ my side.

       Her fingernails dug into her palm, “He tells me who I am.”

       Denise nodded, “Is he telling you the truth?”

       “Negan only ever told the truth.”

       “That’s not what I asked,” Denise said gently, “The voice in your head and the real him are two different entities. I’m asking if the voice in your head is telling you the truth.”

       Who are you?

       Her breathing picked up, ice cold fear spiking through her veins. “I don’t know,” she dismissed.

       Who are you?

       “Yes, you do, Beth. I know it’s hard, but I need you to answer,” she pushed, coming around to stand in front of her. The woman she knew before the Savior war was not the same one standing in front of her now. This Denise was more confident. Surer of herself.

       Who are you?

       Beth caved, her fingernails slicing into her palm, “Yes.”

       Denise’s face fell slightly as the answer left her lips, “Is it the truth or something you were forced to believe?”

       The walls of the infirmary felt like they were closing in. She stood abruptly, keeping her palm facing her to hide the blood, “I’m done.”

       Beth rushed to the door, needing air. Denise voice reached her one more time before she could pass the threshold, “Maybe, you don’t need to hate him. Maybe, it’s enough to know that you want to.”          

 

~

 

       “I wanna go to the Kingdom before we leave for the run in two weeks.”

       Daryl set down the hunting rifle he was cleaning on the porch next to him. She watched him turn to face her, his eyes squinting from the sun. He had successfully coaxed her out of bed that morning. Despite only wanting to let her body and mind rot, she lethargically dragged her heavy bones out of bed to come sit on the porch with him. If anything, she didn’t want to disappoint him. Didn’t want him holding her burden. Telling him everything had made her feel free for a brief moment before it started to shred her apart.

       She still felt it like claws slowly digging through her still warm carcass. Beth felt every slice as they dug deeper. What they were looking for she wasn’t sure, but whatever it was she hoped they found it quickly, because this agonizingly slow mauling was almost worse than the roaring riptide of pain she went through the night before.

       All she knew was Aidan and Tyreese were dead and she never got to say goodbye. She needed to say goodbye. For months after her daddy died that’s all she wanted: a goodbye and a grave to visit. Maybe then, Beth could let the wound start to close, because right now it was still gaping and oozing blood.

       “Why?” Daryl asked, pulling her from her daze.

       “I have to see ‘em. That’s where they’re…buried, right?” He gave her a curt nod, but didn’t say anything so she continued, “I know it’s gonna be hard, but somethin’s tellin’ me I gotta go.”

       Daryl started chewing the inside of his cheek, making his right cheekbone stand out. Beth watched him as he gathered his thoughts, until he spoke, “Ya want me ta come?”

       Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Of course I want ya to come. I couldn’t…” She trailed off, her sentence ending in a whisper, but she was sure he could connect the dots. Beth couldn’t do anything without Daryl anymore. He’d become a crutch and one she wasn’t willing to give up. Not now. Wherever he went, she went.

       “Yeah, ya could. Ain’t sellin’ yourself short now that you’re a Dixon.”

       A now unfamiliar tug at the corner of her lips made her forget the stabbing pain in her body. Daryl was reeling her back in before she could even start to spiral.

       “What? Ya sayin’ I was chopped liver when I was a Greene?”

       A smirk started to form on Daryl’s mouth, contented she was biting back, “Nah, sayin’ ya shouldn’t disrespect the name I gave ya.”

       He was playing with her, trying to get her mind off of everything. And for the first time, without having to take her to bed, she felt a warmth spread through her. It felt so foreign, like she was seeing an old friend after years. Her heart soared at the small victory.

       Beth stared at Daryl earnestly and said, “I love you.” It felt like those words hadn’t passed her lips in ages. And they felt good. So good.

       Daryl’s demeanor immediately shifted at her change in tone. His eyes scanned her face, looking for any sign that she was going to break in front of him again. When he saw nothing but love, his face softened and he replied, “I love ya.”

       The well of grief Beth had to drag herself out of was suddenly lit up by the small flame of a candle.

Notes:

I should have named this chapter Important Conversations with the TWD Family lol. This is a slower chapter, but I needed to establish some things after the dam broke in the last one.

I structured this chapter to be solely based on the moments Beth tunes back into reality (minus Daryl's POV) because she's still actively dissociating, especially after all the pain hit her full force. Her world shattered in a matter of minutes. We get a step back in progress and a step forward as well. She lets the truth spill out to Daryl because she's so tired of holding it in and it all needed to come out, which is huge for her!

Daryl's POV was originally just going to be the conversation on the porch between him and Michonne, but there was no way Daryl wouldn't want to go kill Negan after everything Beth told him. I took his moment from 5x10 when he burns his cigarette into his hand and put it here. It fit so well and really shows how much emotional turmoil Daryl is going through.

Plus, we got to see Aaron back up and in action. I love the scene between Michonne and Daryl. I think they're a really underrated duo that we never got enough of. I debated having the conversation between Carol and Daryl, but somehow that scene just wasn't getting on the page correctly. However, I do have something in store for them. I won't forget about the dynamic badass duo.

Beth decides to go talk with Denise just like Dwight told her. Denise was studying to be a psychiatrist before the world fell, so that made sense. There are certain things Beth is still "lying" to herself about. She views herself as a monster, so the voice in her head, according to her, is telling the truth. Denise is making an educated guess that whatever this voice is telling Beth has to do with herself and not necessarily Negan. Denise is taking a more direct approach with Beth. I'm trying to mirror her actions by how we saw her when she was fixing Carl's eye in the show. She commanded the room and took charge and I think Denise sees that's something Beth needs.

The last scene was a breadcrumb of hope! We see a glimpse of the Beth before Sanctuary. She joked, she smiled, and she made her feelings heard. It's a small candle lighting the way home. It's a good start. Anyways all the love you guys! Can't wait to hear your thoughts in the comments <3

Chapter 48: Daffodils, Lewisia, & Lilies

Notes:

Hello lovelies, I have an early update for you. All I'll say is I'm a lot happier with how this chapter turned out than the last one.

I know waiting a week between chapters during the slower parts of this story can be tedious, so I really appreciate you all for sticking it out. You deserve all the love <3

Anyways, as always, come chat with me in the comments!

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       "Be safe. Both'a you," Rick said, the command was clear in his voice as he looked between her and Daryl. Rick stepped forward and pulled Daryl into a hug. A smile formed on her face as he accepted the love from his brother.

       It was quick, but Beth could see how much it meant to both of them. The distance that had grown between them during the war was closing and mending.

       Carol and Carl had also come out to see them off. Beth was surprised to see Carl, but the connection she had with him after coming back from the Sanctuary seemed to only grow stronger since her breakdown. It was a quiet connection, but there was a deep understanding between them. They weren’t the same people they were before the war. It was an acknowledgement.

       Carol pulled Beth into a hug, her motherly warmth spreading through her like wildfire. She held on tightly, refusing to be the first one to let go. Carol said, “See you soon. Give Ezekiel my best.”

       She nodded and pulled away to let Carol envelop Daryl. The bond they had made her feel an immense sense of peace. Knowing he had someone to turn to, lean on, and talk to, was a relief. Carol would always have his back and that’s something Beth would never stop being grateful for.

       Daryl readied his bike as Beth gave one last hug to Carl, “Tell Mika I’ll see her when we get back.”

       “I’ll tell her,” he replied. She nodded and walked over to the bike.

       Beth climbed onto the back of Daryl’s motorcycle as the sun rose on another day, wrapping her arms around his waist like it would hold all her broken pieces together. Rosita nodded at them as she opened the gates and Daryl gunned it out of Alexandria.

       The early hours of the morning were barely on them as they raced down the road towards the Kingdom. Beth wasn’t sure what she’d find there. Maybe, it would only be more pain and maybe she would only be digging deeper into her well. Or, it could be a foothold. Something for her to grasp onto so she could start pulling herself out.

       She let herself rest against Daryl’s back. She could feel it tense and relax against her chest as he shifted gears. Every ounce of her trust was given to him freely as he navigated the roads. Before the world fell, her daddy would’ve blown a gasket if he ever caught her on the back of a motorcycle, especially with no helmet on. He would’ve grounded her for the rest of her life. Now, there was something thriving about completely surrendering her life to someone else. It was like she could breathe.

       She trusted Daryl with her with everything she had. Always would. It’s why she didn’t blink when he said they’d take his bike to the Kingdom. And she wouldn’t lie, it was also an excuse to get close to him. The past week had started making her feel like a junkie going through withdrawal. She craved him all the time, but she refused to allow herself to ask him for more. She’d already taken his affection for granted enough. Punishing herself for using Daryl seemed like the least she could do.

       And it wasn’t the only way she was punishing herself. Beth glanced down to her right forearm where her shirt sleeve had ridden up. Red half moon scars poked out against her pale skin like a blaring warning sign. The most recent conversation she had with Denise came back to her in a rush.

 

 

       "Beth, I need you to try and remember as much as you can. Why’d you do it?"

       "For Dwight and Sherry. He would've come for them if someone didn’t take care’a him."

       "Why did it have to be you?" Denise asked, probing further.

       "I was the only one that coulda gotten close enough," Beth replied, like she was reciting from a drilling manual, “He wouldn’t of trusted anyone else.”

       Denise pushed her glasses up, “There’s something else.”

       She sighed, frustratedly, “There’s nothin’ else.”

       "You told me you kept him alive so he'd suffer, but you didn't know you were going to keep him alive before you…took care of him. Did you want him dead?"

       An overwhelming sense of floodgates opening erupted in her as she was yanked back in time.

       She was standing in front of Negan. The parking lot faded in around her. All the humidity made her baby hairs stick to her skin. Her heartbeat pounded in her ears as she walked towards him. He smiled smugly at her, like he knew he’d won. And something in her snapped.

       Beth tried to push out the memory. Tried to not remember, but it was like someone was holding her eyelids open. Dull pain flooded through her forearm, but she was stuck reliving this moment.

       All the violent thoughts running through her mind as she poised herself to slice Negan's throat were her own. Her gruesome bloodlust for revenge was something she carried, but she tried to hide it under the guise of Negan molding her into someone she wasn't. She blamed him for all the unbearable things she did like she could somehow be forgiven if it wasn't all her fault, but it was. She made those choices. She dove into the deepest, darkest parts of herself to survive and she couldn't handle the things she was willing to do.

       Her blade sliced through Negan's throat. Regret surged through her for a brief moment before her rage took hold again. Before her promise drug her back down: Empires fall. You’re gonna watch yours burn.

       In that moment, she would’ve happily watched him die at her feet. Satisfaction filling her while she watched him drown in his own blood like Aidan had. It was all her. Just like it was all Negan. His choices were his own and so were hers.

       She wasn’t Negan.

       Her safety blanket was ripped off as she was thrown back into reality. Denise’s hand was gripping her arm. Beth looked down to see small droplets of blood seeping from where her nails dug into her skin.

       Beth looked up at Denise, “I wanted him dead and it scared me. Wasn’t willin’ to accept that I could do somethin’ like that to someone who trusted me. He deserved to die for what he did to Aidan an’ Tyreese. To Aaron and Carl. Those things are unforgivable. Sometimes I lay awake at night wishin’ I’d let him die.”

       “You’re not Negan, Beth.”

       She felt empty. “If I’m not Negan, then that person who allowed Joey to get burned, who manipulated, betrayed, and killed. There’s no excuse. That’s just me.”

 

 

       Beth kept going back to Denise. Unlike the relief she felt when she spilled everything to Daryl, talking with Denise was painful. She took a scalpel to an open wound and rooted around until she couldn’t breathe. Yet, she kept going back. It was a confessional.

       She wasn’t Negan. And that realization may have been far worse.

       Yet, Rick’s words played in her head over and over again: I’m tellin’ you to accept whatever person ya think you’ve become. Accept ‘em as a part’a who ya are. That person kept you alive. I think they deserve a break.

 

~

 

       The growl of a walker broke the euphoric feeling running through her as the bike came to a stop. Hours of the wind whooshing past her subsided, leaving her feeling almost dazed. Her forehead fell forward, resting on Daryl's back for a second as she gathered herself. 

       "Only a couple," Daryl warned over the engine.

       Beth lifted her head and clocked a scattered group of walkers being drawn by the rumbling of the bike. She patted Daryl's shoulder once as she swung her leg off. The walkers were blocking the road towards the Kingdom. The walls were only a couple blocks away and clearly visible. Daryl threw the kickstand down by the time she grabbed and notched an arrow. And by the time she let her first arrow loose, he was standing next to her, aiming his crossbow. It squelched into the skull of the nearest walker, crumbling to the ground. Daryl got two rounds off before the rest of the walkers got too close.

       She counted six. Like they’d been doing this for years, Beth peeled off to the left and Daryl the right. She whistled, hoping to lure at least half away from Daryl. A loud metallic bang echoed through the streets as Daryl hit his hand against an empty dumpster to draw the other half away. As three walkers closed in on her, she palmed her two knives. The same ones Daryl had encouraged her to take from the convenience store so long ago. They felt familiar in her hands, like she was coming home.

       Her blood sang. Then, she attacked. Her knife sunk into the temple of the first walker before it could reach out to grasp her. Her mind went quiet. No voices. No one telling her who she was or how she failed. This was something she could do right. It was simple. No right or wrong. It was just life and death. Fight or die.

       Two larger walkers that used to be men stumbled for her. As she backed away to get space, she looked around and saw an empty shopping cart. Beth hauled it in front of her just in time for the walkers to slam into it. They leaned over the cart to try and claw at her. Her knives entered one skull and then the next. They both slumped forward and took the shopping cart down with them. Both her knives were covered in blood so dark it looked black.

       Beth immediately looked for Daryl and realized he was dealing with a lot more than just three walkers. Her heart sunk as she ran across the street towards him. One legless walker that looked like it got stuck underneath the dumpster was going for Daryl's ankles. Without thought Beth wiped her bloody blade on her pants, clutched the blade in her hand, and lined up her shot. 

       Daryl's voice rang in her head: Throw it hard enough to stick. Not ‘nough ta compromise your aim.

       She threw it, watching the blade twirl through the air. It stuck in the walker’s head, just above its temple. Daryl glanced down at his feet and realized he could move freely now. He pushed forward against the walkers caging him, careful to keep his arms away from their gnashing teeth. Beth finally closed the distance and yanked one of them by the shirt collar and threw it to the ground behind her. She crouched over it and brought her knife down into its forehead.

       Behind her, Daryl was taking out walkers left and right. Ones that just seemed to appear out of nowhere. When they pulled up on the bike, she had only counted six, but more had come out of the wood work.

       Watching Daryl kill walkers was almost a religious experience. It had been so long since they'd been back-to-back in the heat of things. He moved with such precision and brutality, just like a hunter would. Two walkers closed in on either side of Daryl, but it didn't matter. His two knives ended them before it even began. When he yanked his blades out, a spray of blood spewed from their heads. They fell to the ground at his feet, joining the pile that now littered the right side of the road.

       Daryl readjusted his grip on his knives as he bent down to wiped the blades on the rotting corpses below. When he turned towards her, his eyes immediately scanned her for any signs of injuries. She did the same for him and he nodded his confirmation. She gave him a small smile, letting him know she was all right. Then, her smile dropped. Her eyes going wide.

       In the midst of everything, she hadn't realized. Beth played it over in her head, thinking it was only what she wanted to be true and not actually what happened. But it was true. She had heard Daryl's voice in her mind. Not Negan's. It was his voice that helped her line up her knife. And it was the first time she had heard him in a long time.

       "Were ya bit?" Daryl rushed to her, reacting to her change in expression. His hand clasped her upper arm to inspect her body, "Beth! Answer me!"

       She snapped from her stupor, "No. No. I'm fine. I promise. I…" Her previous smile grew as a sense of relief filled her. Hearing his voice was a small thing, but it meant everything to her. It meant Negan wasn't permanent. 

       "What, girl?" Daryl asked, clearly agitated. She knew he wasn't angry, not really. The fear of her possibly being bitten had gotten to him.

        "I didn't mean ta scare ya. I'm sorry," she led him back to his bike, still sitting on the road, "Come on. Let's get where we're goin' first."

       Daryl hesitated, but eventually he got on his bike. He tapped her thigh once to warn her before gunning it down the road. It took less than a couple minutes to get to the Kingdom’s gates. The guards seemed to recognize them before they drove up because they didn’t even have to stop as the gates opened to let them in. Daryl guided the bike through and pulled off to the left side, keeping it out of the way, but accessible if need be.

       Beth was dismounting when she heard a booming voice call her name.

       "Beth! Daryl!"

       She gazed upon the regal image of King Ezekiel walking towards them with open arms and a smile bright enough to light up even the darkest parts of her being. It was infectious and she found herself smiling back at him as she greeted him, "Your Majesty."

       Jerry was a couple paces behind the King and he waved at them enthusiastically with his axe. The King stopped in front of them both, "Ezekiel will do just fine. It gladdens me to see you both hale and healthy. What do I owe this pleasure? Have you come to gaze upon a free Kingdom?"

       She felt her attention being tugged to the area that haunted her nightmares. She tried to keep her eyes on Ezekiel, but they drifted to behind him to where she knew Aidan and Tyreese's blood had soaked into the dirt. To her surprise, the bare Earth her knees scrapped against while Negan taunted them was no longer there.

       In its place was a beautiful, budding garden. From what she could see, they were all vibrant flowers. Not food or crops. Just flowers. Daffodils, Lewisia, Lilies. Tears threatened to spill over as she remembered what all those flowers symbolized: rebirth. In the place of that horrible memory, flowers bloomed despite the grotesque horrors. A warmth encompassed her back as she felt Daryl step up behind her, acting as moral support. 

       When her gaze finally returned to Ezekiel, realizing she hadn't answered his question, a solemn look had overtaken his face, "Life that blooms in spite of adversity is the most resilient and often the most beautiful. Nabila, our gardener, did it in hopes of raising our spirits. I dare say she has succeeded."

       Beth's heart squeezed, "It's beautiful. I'd love to meet her if I could."

       The King nodded. "I guess I no longer need to wonder why you are here. You have free reign of the Kingdom. Anything you need will be provided for you," The King stepped forward and lowered his boisterous voice, "Afterall, I am told we have you to thank for our swift victory."

       She shook her head, the well opening up in her soul, "No, ya’ll are the reason you're still standin'."

       The King's eyes shifted to Daryl, who was still standing behind her, and his demeanor changed somewhat as he shifted topics, "Come. Hospitality is one of many hats a King must wear. And I must admit I am doing a poor job of it."

       Daryl and Beth followed after the King and Jerry, who was greeting everyone as they passed. The community was thriving. It seemed everyone was out and about contributing. Before the war, there was an air of tension surrounding Ezekiel and a few of his soldiers. Now, there was a lightness that seemed to trickle down to everyone. It was a hopeful sight. People were milling about, training, gardening, building, educating. Beth was noticing the things she secluded herself from at Alexandria. It reminded her of the other reason they were here.

       "We aren't just here for a visit," Beth spoke up, "We're hopin' to discuss openin' up trade routes between our communities. Alexandria and Hilltop. I can't negotiate for Hilltop, but I'm sure my sister would see it as a good opportunity."

       The King grinned, "We are amicable to these ideas. I ask you both to dine with me tonight and we shall discuss the future going forth."

       Jerry smiled at them, "You've come on the right day. They're serving peach cobbler for dessert."

       "Indeed," the King agreed.

       Beth let her hand drift into Daryl's as Ezekiel led them further into the Kingdom. His hand encompassed hers without hesitation or question. His silent support meant the world to her. He was always there when she needed him. 

       She still marveled at how open he'd become to affection. Beth remembered how adverse he used to be against the slightest physical touch. She understood why. She felt the reason every time she ran her hands along his bare back. And she had felt it when it took months for him to feel comfortable kissing her.

       Back at Gabriel's church in Georgia, she remembered how he had pulled away. He was afraid his family, who loved him unconditionally, would judge him for just being too close to her. It still broke her heart to think about, but he was hers now. And things were different.

       Ezekiel led them to a room that was situated in a building at the center of the Kingdom, rather than on the outskirts like last time. As Daryl walked past her into the room, nodding at Ezekiel, Beth stayed back.

       "Where’re they?" Beth almost whispered to the King, like if she spoke any louder it would break all the progress she had made.

       Ezekiel's head dropped slightly, a grave look overcoming his face as he stood just outside the threshold, "Tyreese and Aidan of Alexandria are in the Kingdom's cemetery next to Richard. They remain in high honor and were buried as such. If you would like to visit, I will take you there myself. Although, I am sure Daryl could take you there himself."

       "What?" Beth asked, confusion taking over.

       He looked at her with his own confusion, "Daryl buried Aidan. Sasha did the same for Tyreese. As I did for Richard."

       Daryl never told her, not that he had time to with her constantly jumping on him and breaking down emotionally. The image of Daryl burying Aidan had a profound effect on her. One she didn't expect. It gave her a sense of peace knowing someone Aidan respected was the one who buried him. He was put to rest by someone who cared.

       In her mind, it was someone from the Kingdom who’d buried him. She wasn't sure why, but it had made her sad to think he didn't get the proper burial he deserved. Just like her daddy. That part of her could rest now, knowing it was Daryl.

       "Thank you for lettin' them rest here."

       "I am sure you would have rather them in Alexandria, but our arms are always open to any visitors from your great community. They will be well taken care of for as long as I breath," Ezekiel stated sincerely, "I will leave you two to get settled."

       Beth closed the door as Ezekiel walked back down the hall. When she turned, she saw Daryl leaning against the wall near the window that looked out onto the King's personal garden. Daryl was watching her carefully as she asked, "Why didn't ya tell me?"

       Beth wasn't upset, more just curious even though she was sure she knew the answer. His arms crossed over his chest. Her eyes dropped to them of their own volition. A pang of hunger surged through her, but she tampered it down immediately, not wanting it to interfere any more than it already had.

       "Didn't want ya to feel like ya had to come back here," Daryl finally said, "Comin' here woulda made it worse."

       He knew her too well. The minute he told her he buried Aidan, she would’ve been sent into a pit of guilt and felt obligated to come here before she was ready. She looked down at the half-moon scars that marked the skin of her palms and forearms, "An' now?"

       Daryl stepped forward, leaning towards her slightly, "Two weeks ago, ain't sure ya woulda stepped foot in here."

       Beth swallowed passed the lump in her throat, "Me neither."

       "Think you're doin' just fine," he added.

       Beth repeated the same thing she told him the night she broke, "I'm tryin'." And she was. More than she ever had before. She was trying to remember who she used to be before the Saviors.

       "I know. I’m too."

       Beth hesitantly stepped into his personal space, keeping her head down so he didn't think she was trying again, and wrapped her arms around him. He pulled her close after realizing what she was doing. She looked up at him when she was certain he wouldn't think she was coming on to him. 

       "Are you alright?"

       The fact this was the first time she had asked in a while made her guilt soar, but she pushed it down so she could focus on him. It was the same question he asked to gauge how deep her grief went. Now, she was doing the same.

       "Am now," he responded. Her head was resting on his chest and his answer felt like it reverberated through her whole body. It wasn't a lie, but she wasn't sure it was the truth either.

       "Mika told me you've been havin' nightmares too. I didn't know…"

       "Ain't like yours. Usually don't remember 'em."

       "I'm sorry. I know ya still have ta feel 'em even if ya can't remember."

       "Nothin' ta be sorry 'bout. Got used ta it."

       A long time ago, Beth would've said: That shouldn't be somethin' to get used to. But that wasn't true anymore. It was something they all had to live with now. Daryl's hand brushed through her hair like he was trying to reassure her.

       There was nothing else to say. All Beth knew was she had a lot to be sorry for.

       Daryl pulled back, looking down at her, “What was that back out on the road?”

       She had nearly forgotten and she owed him an explanation, “I heard ya. Tellin’ me how ta line up my knife. It was the first time in a long time. Hearin’ you instead’a him.”

       “That’s what was makin’ ya smile like that?” Daryl asked, his eyes burning into hers.

       A grin formed on her lips, “Don’t let it go to your head.” Beth wished Daryl would let more things go to his head. It sometimes felt like he still didn’t understand how much he meant to her and by extension how much he occupied her mind. She reiterated in case he didn’t know already, “You’re always why.”

       He hummed, “Musta been one hell of a teacher.”

       A soft laugh left her lips, “Yeah, somethin’ like that.”

 

 

~

 

 

       “Tell me. What is this offer of trade you have brought me?”

       Beth swallowed a bite of peach cobbler, peeling her eyes away from Jerry, who devoured his in less than four bites. They were seated in the cafeteria, but at a somewhat secluded table in the corner of the room. Daryl was seated next to her, eyes bouncing between her and the King. Benjamin’s ears seemed to perk up at the mention of trade.

       Idle chatter provided background noise as she spoke, “Rick, Michonne, and Deanna wanna establish trade routes between our communities. Each of us have things the others need. Hilltop has a well workin’ blacksmith. Guns are great, but we know they’re not gonna last forever. Ammo is gettin’ harder and harder to come by. Alexandria has the infrastructure for crops and a water filtration system. The Kingdom has livestock and means of transportation that doesn’t need fuel. We all have somethin’.”

       The King smiled, “We’ve worked together to stop a larger force of evil. It only seems right to delve further into friendship between our communities. What say you, Benjamin?”

       Benjamin stuttered slightly, but composed himself quickly, “I agree. It wouldn’t just help boost our strength. Maybe others would think twice before coming after us.”

       Daryl responded, “Kid’s right. Ain’t just ‘bout tradin’. If some assholes decide ta come after one’a us, they’d be comin’ after all’a us.”

       “Hell yeah,” Jerry exclaimed, brightly.

       The King shook his head good-naturedly at his friend, “A pact of security. I see no issues with the proposed joining between our great communities.”

       “We can work out the rest after we talk with Hilltop,” Beth said.

       The King raised his cup, “To our new alliance. May it be prosperous and long-lasting.”

       They all raised their cups, a new hope clear on the horizon.

 

 

~

 

 

       The Kingdom was flourishing. Even the war hadn’t dampened their spirits. It gladdened her heart, but there was also a deep seeded envy that roared inside her. Similarly to when her family first came to Alexandria. How were they able to be happy? It made sense that the Kingdom and the Alexandria before Rick’s leadership were similar. The King ruled with an air of romantic performance, while Deanna had led through compassionate politics. Although they were different approaches, the outcome seemed to be the same: a naïve, happy community.

       Beth wasn’t sure how the Kingdom still held on to that naivety even after going through a war. Many of their soldiers were lost, but somehow, they kept their optimistic outlook. And she was left stuck in the past, unable to move forward. Her own body felt like a mausoleum forcibly showcasing what everyone had lost. She walked around with a glaring sign on her head warning people not to come too close.

       People laughed, children played, and life moved on. Except she was still stuck.

       Beth kept her eyes glued to the fading angel wings on Daryl’s vest. She followed him through the Kingdom to what felt like an execution. There was a constant mantra in her head: Keep walking. Keep walking. Please keep walking. Because if he stopped, that meant the only thing standing between her and the graves of Tyreese and Aidan was her.

       She felt herself wounding tighter and tighter the longer they walked. And eventually, Daryl came to a stop. In front of him was a fenced off area that looked to have once been an outdoor seating area for school children to eat lunch. Now, it was a graveyard.

       She felt Daryl’s eyes on her as she stared and stared. He broke the silence, drawing her to the forefront of her mind, “They’re in the back.” His voice was soft like he didn’t want to frighten her. A part of her wanted to drag him with her, but the more vocal part wanted to do this alone. He shouldn’t have to babysit her just because she couldn’t cope.

       It felt like ten minutes had passed before she worked up the courage to finally walk into the cemetery. Daryl made no move to follow her and she was grateful. If she had to tell him to stay, she wasn’t sure she could have. There was a worn-down path in the grass that she followed all the way to the back. There were more graves than she thought there would be, but what did she expect?

       As the back fence came into view, Beth saw Aidan’s grave first like it rose out of the ground to meet her. She was caught off guard and her footsteps halted. The pit in her stomach started to consume her and every part of her that had felt ready for this suddenly disappeared. She wasn’t ready. She couldn’t do this.

       Aidan’s face came back to her, choking on his own blood as he fell forwards towards her. She heard Negan laughing mirthlessly. Saw Simon snapping his jaw to get at Aidan’s still warm body. Heard her own words playing in her head: Ain't givin' up, just takin' a break. Life for a life. That all any of this is anymore?

       She turned away from his grave, tears spilling down her cheeks and onto her neck. In turning away, she found herself face to face with Tyreese’s grave. She knew it was his because his beanie hung on the cross marking it. Her knees gave out as she sunk to the ground beside his resting place. All that was left of Tyreese was his beanie and a mound of dirt. Her heart sunk as her body caved in on itself.

       The cresting wave of pain was growing, but instead of throwing up her walls, she let herself feel it.

       And the words just started spilling out, “I’m sorry it took me so long ta come an’ see ya. Don’t know if anyone’s told you, but the war’s over. We’re still here. But I’m sure ya coulda seen that comin’. You always thought we’d be alright.”

       Beth took a deep breath and kept going, “Sasha misses you. I’m sure she’s come and talked with you already. I want ya to know we’ll look after her. She’s gonna be okay. Judith misses you. She’s grown so much and looks more and more like her mama every day. I know ya never got to meet Lori, but maybe you’re with her now. I know she’s grateful for everythin’ ya did for her daughter.”

       A sob left her throat, “I’m gonna make sure Judith knows how much ya loved her. How much ya did for her. She’ll grow up knowin’ your name, Tyreese. I promise.”

       She wiped the tears running down her face, her eyes still burning. She watched as her tears were absorbed by Earth beneath her. There was a finality to her words. The goodbye she always needed was finally out in the world. She felt herself start to climb the wall of the well, finding a foothold. She was finally looking up instead of down, but she still had more to do.

       Beth moved towards Aidan’s grave. His name was etched into the grave marker. A sinking feeling filled her as she knelt where she thought his head would be. Her hand ran over the dirt covering his body. Her words didn’t flow this time. She thought and thought about what she wanted to say and came up with nothing until she shifted her focus to what she needed to say.

       “I lied, Aidan,” Beth whispered through her tears and closed up throat, “There was nothin’ ya could’ve done that woulda made me pull away from you. I hate that ya died thinkin’ that little fight we had meant anythin’. I was angry at the world. Not at you. Ya did so much for me an’…and I couldn’t save you… Couldn’t do anythin’.”

       Instead of holding all her emotions at bay, Beth let them take over. She gave them full reign to overwhelm her. Sharp pain ripped through her chest as she thought about Aidan. He was a pain in her ass sometimes, but she wouldn’t have had it any other way. She would give anything to have him back.

       “Your mom said ya woulda been proud’a me. That ya trusted me. I don’t know if those’re true. Can’t imagine you’d be proud’a what I’ve done, but she was right ‘bout one thing. I loved you. You’re my brother. You always will be,” Beth’s voice wobbled, her hands digging into the dirt. “I’m sure you an’ Shawn are up there yellin’ at me ta get my shit together.”

       She cried as she confessed, “I’m so sorry, Aidan. I’m sorry I couldn’t kill him for you. I’m sorry for lettin’ you down. Lettin’ your mama down. I need ya to know that I know and I’m sorry I couldn’t be who ya needed me to be.”

       Her pain became uncontainable, but she let it consume her, needing to feel every bit of it. Her ears rang, creating a bubble of self-isolation around her. Even as the pain overwhelmed her whole body, something inside her seemed to stitched itself closed.

       A warm hand landed on her thigh and she turned to see Daryl sitting down beside her. His hand grounded her in her pain and she finally let air into her starved lungs. He let her grieve on her own, but not alone.

       Beth let herself feel everything until there were no more tears left to cry and the pit in her stomach had receded. When Daryl helped her up from the ground and they started to leave, the weight she’d been dragging around seemed a whole lot lighter.

Notes:

Surprisingly, there are only two times I've ever cried while writing this story.

1. The last paragraph of Chapter 10, where Beth realizes Bob had died and she remembered what he said to her.

2. The scene in this chapter where Beth talks to Tyreese and Aidan's graves.

I'm not sure what it was about these two scenes that broke me versus everything else I've written, but I love them both equally. As readers (and maybe writers yourselves), I hope this scene provided just as much closure for you as it did for me <3

Chapter 49: Prevail

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Hope you're doing well. Here's another chapter for you.

For reference, we are about 2-3 months post the Savior war. Anyways, all the love and I can't wait to hear your thoughts in the comments, as always!

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       Daryl heard it like a siren song. He thought he was imagining it at first, but when he stopped in the hallway of his home at Alexandria, he knew he wasn’t bullshitting himself.           The sound pulled on a tether deep in his gut and he followed it blindly to the backyard. At first it was just humming, but when he finally opened the backdoor, Beth’s voice held him in a chokehold.

       We’ll drink up our grief

       And pine for summer

       And we’ll buy beer to shotgun

       And we’ll lay in our lawn

       And we’ll be good.

       Beth swayed around the backyard holding Judith’s hands as she urged her to walk to her. Th rising sun made her golden hair almost look red. His heart swelled at the sight. Ever since they’d gotten back from the Kingdom, Beth had seemed more herself, but this was something Daryl never expected. He hadn’t heard her sing since the prison.

       Never sung out in front’a big group out in public like everythin’ was fun. Like everythin’ was a big game.

       His words haunted him. A part of him feared he was the reason she never sang again after spewing that shit at her while he was drunk and hurting. Because that’s what it was. He was hurting and he was reaching for anything that could hurt her too. He was an asshole and wouldn’t ever be able to take those words back, but now he wasn’t sure he’d want to. Whatever it was that happened between them that night led them here.

       Now I’m laughing at my boredom

       And my string of failed attempts

       ‘Cause you think that it’s important

       And I welcome the sentiment

       Beth hummed to herself, holding her arms out to Judith as the little girl stumbled towards her. Between every verse of the song, she used words of encouragement. His heart stumbled as he watched Judith suddenly trip over a dip in the yard and fall forward in Beth’s legs. She caught her and a giggle burst from Lil Asskicker as she stood back up and kept walking.

       His wife brushed a piece of hair behind her ear and smiled, her eyes practically sparkling. “Look at you. Just like your daddy, never givin’ up,” she cooed sweetly.

       There were moments like this when Daryl couldn’t move. Could barely breath. His whole body was frozen, afraid if he moved, everything would start crumbling around him. If he moved, the girl standing in front of him would disappear. And he would be left with a shell of a person he didn’t recognize. So, he just watched. And his chest constricted as that light she used to harbor slowly started coming back to the surface, because Daryl knew it was never fully gone in the first place. His Beth.

       He was dragged from his thoughts when he suddenly saw Beth tense up. Her head bowed and fell into her hand. Daryl immediately tensed and stepped off the porch, “Beth?”

       A shock of panic went through his gut as he closed the distance. When Beth turned towards him, her eyes were wide, but glazed over like she was a thousand miles away. He knew what that meant. Keeping his eyes on her, he crouched down and scooped up Judith. The little girl wrapped her arms around his neck, clearly pleased with not having to walk around anymore. His free hand guided Beth back to the porch.

       She gripped onto the railing like her life depended on it. Her eyes squeezed shut trying to get away from whatever waking nightmare was haunting her. Daryl place Judith on one of the porch chairs within his line of sight as he went to Beth.

       Her breathing was labored as he crowded into her space and said softly, not wanting to spook her, “Ya gotta breath, Beth.”

       Her knuckles were turning white as she gripped the railing, but one of her hands came out to grab his forearm. She brought it across her body and placed it against her ribs. And he pulled her against him, trapping her between his body and the railing. He knew that’s what she needed. She told him it grounded her in reality every time her memories became too real.

       Even though his own panic threatened to consume him, he tried to keep his breathing even so she could match it. As her breathing slowed, Daryl made sure to check on Judith, who was occupied with trying to stand up in the chair he put her in. Eventually, Beth’s head thudded back against his chest and a rush of air left her mouth. When her blue eyes opened, the muscles in his body loosened when he saw they were clear and present. Her grip on his arm relaxed and she turned around to face him.

       As much as he was relieved to see she’d fought through whatever she was hearing or seeing, Daryl was disheartened to see a look of shame cross her face. He leaned down, catching her eyes, “Cut that shit out. Ain’t gotta be ashamed.” A small smile crossed her lips as she looked at him, but it didn’t reach her eyes, so he added, “You’re good.”

       Beth looked towards Judith, “Am I?”

       “Yeah, girl, ya are,” he replied without hesitation. Her breathing hitched in her chest. She melted into him more, her body resting against him. His whole body ignited at her touch and it was a stark reminder of how long it had been since he’d gotten to touch her. Really touch her. But he pushed those thoughts away for another time.

       Instead, he asked, “Wanna talk ‘bout it?”

        She sighed, “She called me ‘mama’ and I…I don’t know what happened, but somehow, I was standin’ in that hallway ‘gain. He was whisperin’ in my ear what he’d do to me and…Judy. Felt his breath and…” She trailed off.

       Daryl didn’t need her to say anymore to know exactly which fucker she was talking about. If she hadn’t gutted him, he would’ve and some part of him wished he could’ve, but he knew Beth needed to do it herself.

       That day Simon came to Alexandria still hung heavy on the community. It was hell for them, but Daryl knew better. It had only been a warm up to what was coming. Beth had been there for it all. Endured it all. There was nothing he wished more than to trade places with her. He’d gladly take all her pain, so she didn’t have to bear it anymore.

       She sounded so tired and there wasn’t anything he could do except be there and even that didn’t feel like enough. “Ya don’t gotta come today.”

       Beth pulled away, not in offense, but to check on Judith, “I needa do somethin’, Daryl. Needa be useful.” He knew how that felt. She added, humor in her tone, “Can’t keep me locked away no matter how much ya might wanna.”

       He scoffed, but the part of him he kept sealed away hummed at the idea, “Don’t tempt me.”

       Mischief lit up her eyes as she picked Judith up from the chair and settled her on her hip. Warmth filled his chest at the fact she knew he wasn’t serious. She trusted him, knowing he’d always rather have her by his side.

       He looked at the picture her and Judith made and the far-off conversation he had with Abraham in the woods came back full force. He’d give her anything she wanted, but he wondered if he was starting to want it more than her. Daryl shook his head, clearing those thoughts, “Think ya’d sing more if I did?”

       It was a tease, but he also wanted her to know he wanted to hear her more. She cocked her head to look up at him, “Thought my singin’ annoyed ya.”

       Her voice was soft and it killed him, knowing his words from the shack stuck with her. “Told ya, I’m a dick when I’m drunk,” he willed her to understand that her singing was far from annoying, “It don’t.” It brought him peace. It meant she was still alive and fighting.

       Beth lifted up on her toes and kissed the corner of his mouth, lingering long enough for Judith to grab onto Daryl’s vest. She started to whine as Beth pulled away. A soft laugh rang in the air between them as Beth chuckled, “Do you wanna go with your Uncle Daryl?”

       He wondered what Beth would call him if they had a kid of their own. Again, he pushed the thought away. Daryl took Judith, but not before stealing another kiss. When he pulled away, he was surprised to see Beth’s cheeks flushed red and her eyes adverting. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but he decided to not ask about it. He tucked it away for another time.

       Instead, he looked at Judith and started heading back inside, “You’re heavier than ya look.”

 

 

~

 

 

       “Perimeter’s clear,” Daryl said to Rick as he rejoined the rest of the group. He closed the distance to Beth, glancing down at her briefly like he was checking if she was still with him. His gruff voice added, “But the school looked the same.”

       Beth cringed inwardly at the memory of the Wolves. Even though this run had been going well so far, everyone knew that could change at the drop of a hat. A grim expression took over Rick’s face at the reminder. She could practically see Bob’s death playing behind his eyes, because that’s exactly what she was thinking too.

       Her eyes scanned their surroundings. An open field surrounded the small county water treatment facility. They had driven South on back country roads for almost three hours to get here. A brick building that looked about ready to crumble sat in the middle of the field surrounded by large silos and a small walled off lake to the far side.

       “Eugene,” Rick called, “Where’re they? Best guess.”

       “Undoubtedly, they’d be in the buildin’. Filters like that wouldn’t last out here in the brutal environs of mother nature,” Eugene replied.

       A small smile upturned her lips at his roundabout way of getting to the point. Rick’s eyes scanned the building before he whispered under his breath, “No walkers.”

       The smile that had formed on her lips immediately dropped. No walkers. They were standing far enough away so when Beth walked to the right to see around the building, still using the tree line as cover, she saw exactly what Rick was talking about. There were no walkers as far as she could tell. Inside or outside the building. That meant one of two things. Either the area was rural and remote enough that walkers would be scarce or someone had cleared the area. In fact, she couldn’t think of the last time she saw a walker since they entered Greene County.

       From what she could tell, the building was a simple rectangular two-story warehouse with entrances on all four sides. There were no obvious traps, alarms, or fortifications of any kind, but she felt the urge to turn the safety off on her handgun.

       When Beth turned to make her way back to the group, she realized Daryl had followed her like a shadow. He was standing less than a foot away, his eyes narrowed in on her before he dropped his gaze to the gun in her hand.

       It used to unnerve her how quiet he could be, especially amongst the trees, but now it was a comforting reminder that he was made for the world outside. He was made to be a hunter, not prey. His piercing gaze watched her and she almost expected him to say something about wondering away from the group, but all he asked was, “Whaddya see?”

       She shook her head, her creeping nerves crawling up her spine, “It’s too open, Daryl. There’s a mile’a open field in front’a us ‘fore we even get to the buildin’. Anyone could just pick us off as we start movin’ in. An’ Rick’s right. Not a single walker.” Now that Beth thought about it, another sneaking suspicion took over, “It ain’t a bad place to hole up either. Fortify.”

       He hummed in agreement as his gaze hardened. She knew he was thinking a way around this. Alexandria needed the water filtration equipment if they wanted their home to stay standing for the future. Collecting and boiling rainwater wasn’t going to keep a community of their size going for much longer, especially not in the summer months. The pond was a good start, but they needed a more efficient way to clean it.

       A sharp whistle from the left had them returning to the group as Rick started to speak, “Sasha, I need ya to hang back. You’re our best shot. Daryl an’ I’ll get over there first. Clear the way. If anyone starts shootin’…”

       “I got it,” Sasha said, already loading her AR-15 and testing her scope towards the building.

       Her heart dropped when Rick chose Daryl, but she shouldn’t be surprised. That was his brother. They could read each other as well as her and Daryl could and out of the people that came, they were the stealthiest. Quickest. Abraham would’ve been a good choice, but he was too lumbering. He was meant for brute strength and force, even though he could be eerily quiet when he wanted to be. Unfortunately, he stood out like a sore thumb.

       That left her, Eugene, Tara, Rosita, and Dwight. Tara and Rosita were tasked with protecting Eugene, so they’d undoubtedly go in last when the building was already cleared. That left her and Dwight. They fought back-to-back when walkers invaded Alexandria, she had no problem with putting her life into his hands. The same went with Abraham for that matter. Didn’t mean she liked being separated from Daryl any less, or the fact him and Rick were going in alone.

       “Alright,” Rick continued, “Dwight, Beth, Abraham, we’ll signal you when we’ve cleared the entrance. Rest’a you follow once we’ve cleared the building.”

       His orders were final and no one was going to argue. Daryl was looking at her, a question in his eyes. She reached out and squeezed his hand, keeping it hidden between their bodies, and nodded up at him. She knew he liked splitting up even less than she did, but he’d do it to make sure she was safe.

       And before she knew it, they were gone. She watched them like a hawk. Their forms grew smaller and smaller as they made their way across the field. Every so often they changed their path, making themselves harder targets. It felt like she held her breath the entire time they were out in the open. Her eyes started to burn from not blinking and by the time she forced herself to blink, they had disappeared under the slightly rolled up door of the loading dock.

       Her heart beat rapidly in her chest, threatening to tear through it. She counted backward from thirty. Thirty seconds was all they needed to clear their immediate surroundings once they were inside.

       Thirty. Twenty-nine. Twenty-eight. Twenty-seven.

       Abraham and Dwight loaded their weapons, getting ready to run if necessary. Beth heard Sasha breath out a controlled burst of air behind them as she watched through her scope.

       Fifteen. Fourteen. Thirteen. Twelve.

       Her hands started to jittery when Tara nudged her shoulder. She gave her a reassuring smile and a nod. Tara’s confidence in Daryl and Rick made her nerves subside slightly, but she still counted.

       Eight. Seven. Six. Five.

       A sharp whistle pierced through the humid air across the field. Beth slumped in relief when she saw Daryl and Rick emerge from under the roll up door.

       Abraham started moving through the field, her and Dwight on his heels. Beth kept her gun pointed to the ground and her eyes on Daryl. No issues arose as they trekked through the field and climbed the ramp to the building. No commands were made as they all slipped under the door.

       Like it was rehearsed, Rick and Daryl peeled off to the left, Abraham barreled straight ahead, and her and Dwight went off to the right. The building was a wide-open facility with barely anywhere to hide besides between the silos. Beth heard the clicking of doors as the others cleared rooms. She scanned the area as they walked against the right wall.

       The place looked virtually untouched, like it was stuck in the past. As they closed in on the back wall, Beth saw two sets of stairs. One going up and one going down to a sub ground floor. The stairs going up seemed to lead to a balcony that overlooked the ground floor.

       Dwight looked uneasy, but they had to get this done. She nodded her head and started ascending the stairs, looking down at Dwight one more time to see him watching her with discomfort, but he steeled himself and started down the stairs. Her heart squeezed at his protectiveness, but she could handle herself. Once upon a time, that wasn’t true, but it was now.

       She kept her boots as quiet as she could on the stairs. There was a curve in them, so when she mounted the last step her heart stopped and nearly ripped itself from her chest.

       She froze, petrified into stillness as she stared in front of her.

       Standing at the other end of the balcony stood a man staring right at her. He was so still she knew right away the figure in front of her wasn’t a walker. A long pipe slid through his fingers until it nearly touched the ground. Beth raised her gun and pointed it at his chest.

       Despite the adrenaline raging through her, the gun in her hand remained steady. Focused. Her head cocked to the side as she took another step towards him. The man staring down the barrel went from baring his teeth to cowering in a matter of seconds. It was such a bizarre change that she nearly shook her head, wondering if her eyes were playing tricks on her.

       He dropped the pipe in his hands and it clattered to the ground echoing loudly throughout the facility.

       “How many more’a you are in here?” Beth nearly sneered.

       The man started whimpering like she’d already shot him. He barely looked human. Patches of his hair were gone along with his fingernails. His clothes were worn to the point she could see through them. He looked like a walker, but the worst part was the look in his eyes. True fear thundered in them as his eyes darted between her face and the gun, which confused her. Seconds ago, he looked ready to gut her with his pipe, and now he looked…And as Beth looked past all the dirt, she realized she didn’t see a man. She saw a boy.

       The revelation nearly stole the breath from her body. He couldn’t be more than sixteen or seventeen. This could’ve easily been Carl, if they never found Alexandria.

       Something deep down inside Beth resurfaced. Something she thought had died at Sanctuary. Beth softened her voice, “We’re not gonna hurt you if ya don’t hurt us. We just…” she trailed off has the boy cocked his head and his eyes trailed up and down her body.

       He demeanor shifted again as spoke for the first time. His voice was uncharacteristically soft, but a predatory gaze took over his face, “You don’t belong here anymore. The world belongs to them…You’ll lose everything.”

       Sharpness tinged her senses as she gripped her gun tighter. Fear dripped into her nervous system and she felt her hardened shell snap back into place, “How many more?”

       The boy took a step towards her and she saw the crazed look in his eyes, “You’re clean.”

       A chill ran up her spine. Beth didn’t want to shoot him, but if he charged, she would have to. He’s unarmed. It doesn’t matter. He’s a kid. It doesn’t matter. He could still kill her. He stepped over the pipe he had dropped. She sucked in a breath, realizing there was no reasoning with someone too far gone.

       The minute that realization sunk in, he charged. And Beth pulled the trigger. A spurt of blood exploded from his chest as he fell face first to the ground right beneath her feet. A violent breath escaped her lungs. Her whole being trembled as she let her gun fall to her side.

       “Beth!” she heard her name being called somewhere, followed by the rapid stampeding of boots on concrete. She watched as the blood pooled onto the floor, outlining the boy’s body.

       It was you or him. Kid had to be put down.

       She sunk as his voice resurfaced, thundering through her head. And she couldn’t even argue. Beth robotically pulled out her knife and plunged it into the boy’s skull, making sure he stayed dead. The pounding of boots got louder until they stopped short. She stood from the corpse of the boy she killed and raised her eyes to see Dwight and Daryl looking between the body and her.

       Beth sheathed her knife and whispered, “I had to.” And before anyone else could worry, she shouted, “Clear.”

       Her voice rang out strong throughout the warehouse, but in that moment, she felt anything, but strong.

       Before either Dwight or Daryl could fully react, she heard Rosita’s voice shout up the stairs, “Hey, guys, you’re gonna wanna see this.”

       Her stomach dropped as her eyes snapped to Daryl’s. She went to him without thought and the three of them descended the stairs and navigated their way towards Rosita. Before they closed in on her, Daryl maneuvered in front of her like he was shielding her from any potential danger. She knew it was a subconscious act, so she stayed close to his back.

       Abraham was crouched down on the ground near a pile of blankets shoved in the corner of the room. Beth had no doubt it belonged to the boy who she just killed. Abraham sighed, “Mother dick.” Rick reached down and grabbed whatever he was holding and Beth finally saw what everyone was looking at.

       It looked like a mask. A mask made of walker skin. Tendrils of hair still stuck out of its head. Eye holes and a mouth hole had been cut out and the flaps of skin were sewn together at the back of the head.

       Her stomach churned. What had that boy gone through to get to the point of doing this? Maybe, her killing him had been a mercy. The thought alone made her sick.

       Rick’s voice broke the unsteady silence that had fallen over the group, “Let’s get what we came here for and move.”

       No one argued.

 

 

~

 

 

       Abraham pulled the van off the road at a gas station tucked away in the trees. There were a few cars to try siphoning gas, but what Beth was interested in was the actual store attached to the gas pumps. She thought of trying to look for something for Daryl. She still hadn’t gotten him something from her. Beth wore his ring with pride and she wanted him to have something too.

       Although, she doubted she’d find anything worth it in a gas station, but it was worth a shot. Beth hopped out of the van as everyone went for the rusting cars. She watched Daryl check over his shoulder for her, but he was pulled away by Abraham to start siphoning gas from an old beat-up Lincoln.

       The one advantage of being smaller, she could slip away easily. Beth knew it wasn’t smart, but she figured she could yell if anything truly bad started going down. The gas station was only a handful of yards away, give or take.

       So, she slipped between the cars and made her way inside the store. The glass doors were shattered, broken glass sparkling all over the entryway floor. Treading silently, she placed her boots down where they were least likely to make noise.

       Her gun was out and by her side as she made her way over to the left, towards the checkout counter. Almost everything had been swiped, but she leaned over the counter to scan the floor and grinned.

       She rounded the counter to pick up an almost full pack of cigarettes. She smiled to herself, knowing Daryl would appreciate it. Carefully, she stored them in her back pocket. Then, she headed for an aisleway at the far side of the store. Almost everything had been raided. There was no food left, no drinks, not even the occasional trinket. Disappointment stirred in her gut. Cigarettes would have to do for now.

       Suddenly a clatter broke the silence, followed by a voice ringing quickly through the store, “Hi.”

       Beth swiveled immediately; gun poised to shoot in the direction the voice came. Her heartbeat ratcheted up tenfold, threatening to burst out of her chest. From what she could tell, it came from the back room, but she couldn’t quite tell. Her adrenaline spiked, imagines of the boy she just killed flashing before her eyes. Not again, please.

       The man’s voice was soft as he continued to stutter, “I’m…I’m okay. I mean…I’m not, but— Someone shot at me. Someone threw a microwave at me. So, I’m just gonna say something my mom used to say and hope for the best here.”

       She pinpointed his whereabouts to a separate counter near the back of the store. Trap. It could be a trap. Why would he still be talking, if he didn’t want her to know his whereabouts? He sounded sincere, but so did Negan. She regripped her gun handle, silently treading closer to the voice.

       “Whatever you have of good, spend on the traveler. My mom said that—that helping the traveler, the person without a home…that’s everything,” his voice faded slightly to the right, trying to move further away from her, “I’m sure you’ve seen things, been through things, and you don’t trust people. I get it. I get it. I don’t either. I’ve been through things too.”

       There was a resignation in his voice as he trailed off. She stepped around a dead body in on the floor in front of her. The counter only a few steps away now.

       “My mom— she also said that, ‘may my mercy prevail over my wrath’,” he huffed out a breath, “It’s not all my mom. That…That one’s from a Hadith. Probably shouldn’t have said that. I don’t even know you, but I haven’t eaten in a few days. You might not even be real.”

       His words struck a chord in Beth. My mercy prevails over my wrath. Her silent boots rounded the corner of the counter and she said softly, so as not to alert the others just yet, but still commanding, “Hands up.”

       A man hurriedly stood and threw his hands over his head. He couldn’t be more than twenty-eight. And he didn’t look to be lying about not eating a few days. He was too skinny for his height. A flash of the boy from the filtration facility took over her mind. A voice in the back of her head whispered: This is different. At first, she didn’t recognize the voice, but then a gasp nearly escaped her lips when she realized it was herself.

       With his hands raised above his head, shaking slightly, he replied, “Listen. I’m gone. It’s cool. I just…I just wanted some food.”

       His eyes were large, only made more apparent by his sunken cheeks. His black hair flopped over his forehead, but that didn’t hide the dirt covering him from head to toe. She heard her voice say: Listen. Beth scanned him, her heart pounding in her chest.

       But Negan’s voice broke through: Ya had to do it. Ya live or ya die. That’s what you said, right? You wanna die?

       Who are you?

       She gripped her gun, her finger moving towards the trigger, but out of the corner of her eye she saw something that made her breath catch.

       A single flower blooming out of an old can of Coke.

       It was clearly being watered and tended to and she realized this man had been keeping this flower alive, even though he was starving and probably dehydrated. And as she fully turned to look at it, taking a chance at turning her eyes away from the man, she nearly gasped. It wasn’t just a flower. It was a Daffodil. Rebirth.

       A realization barreled through her. With Negan’s egging words in her head, Beth realized she could choose. It was a choice. All this time that’s what Rick was trying to tell her. It wasn’t all or nothing. She didn’t have to be one or the other. Beth could be both. She just had to choose.

       Beth pushed past all the reworked hardwiring from her time at Sanctuary. She pushed past the voice that threatened to drag her deeper into her well. She pushed past all of it to grab onto the candle that was showing her the way out of her grief. She climbed and climbed, until she grabbed onto the lip of the well.

       Who are you?

       She was Beth Dixon.

       She started to slowly lower her gun, keeping her eyes on him. He seemed to let out a breath of relief, but his hands remained up by his head. And she asked him a simple question, “What’s your name?”

       Beth could listen to herself. She wasn’t Negan. She wasn’t a Savior. She wasn’t a monster. She was Beth Dixon. Her mercy could prevail. Her gut was telling her to listen, so she listened for the first time in a long time.

       The man took in a shuddering breath, “Siddiq.”

       Her gun was fully dropped to her side. The corner of her lips upturned when she could no longer hear Negan anymore, “I’m Beth.”

       She chose who she wanted to be. And with that, Beth Dixon was reborn.

Notes:

My mercy prevails over my wrath. Siddiq is here and I am so excited to finally get to his character! So, the scene at the end was exactly what happened with Carl at the beginning of 8x01. I reworked it a little to fit Beth's rebirth storyline. And I think we are finally at a point, where Beth is on the downhill slope instead of an uphill one.

Her saving Siddiq instead of killing him is HUGE! She fought against all the crap the Savior's instilled in her and fought to be the person she had buried deep down.

The beginning of the chapter was to show how far Beth has gotten. It is the first time in this story that we see her singing. And even though it's a good sign, she still struggles with a lot of PTSD. It's a good reminder that she could be doing great, but those ghosts will always haunt her. (Note: She's singing the same song she song at the funeral home in the show.)

...I threw in a little teaser for what's to come at the water filtration facility. It's too early in the timeline, but I wanted to give you a glimpse of what's to come. If you know you know :) This part is two fold. It's not only a teaser, but it's supposed to juxtapose the situation with Siddiq. Beth can kill if she has to, but she learned that she can choose whether to be this ruthless person she fears (Negan) or herself.

Anyways, all the love to you guys. Come chat with me in the comments <3

Chapter 50: Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I have a ridiculously long chapter for you today. It was a lot of fun to write and the second half is packed with a little something for everyone :)

Anyways, all the love and come chat with me in the comments and let me know all your thoughts <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       The world was colorful again. Hues of grey still found a way to cling to her, but she could see the brilliant blue of the sky. The yellows, reds, and oranges of the sunrise. The greens of Alexandria’s crops. She saw them all on her own again.

       The world became loud again. Judith’s giggles wrapped her in a warm embrace. The steady rise and fall of Daryl’s breathing next to her ear as she woke up in the morning. Mika’s soft voice reading to Carl, keeping him calm, as he relearned how to survive with one eye. She cherished the noises of the world, even the growls of the dead, because she could finally hear them again.

       The world became warm again. Warm with hugs, soft breathless kisses, and words of encouragement and wisdom. Abraham’s training stoked the fire she needed to fight. Denise’s words allowed her comfort she rarely afforded herself. Her moments of quiet with Gabriel made room for her to mourn the girl she used to be. She still shivered from the cold and dark when she couldn’t fight off the memories, but the cold wasn’t endless anymore.

        Her pain remained, but it became a reminder she was alive instead of a reminder of why she should be dead. She still heard him, but she chose not to listen and instead listened to herself. When things were good, she felt she was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, but she didn’t let that stop her from basking in the little amount of good that came her way.

       Beth found out a long time ago, dying was easy. Living was the hard part. She chose to fight the moment she took a piece of glass to her wrist. She chose to live and she wouldn’t waste it. Not ever. What she had was rare. She found her family after the world ended. Found her husband. Her children. This world brought them together, however violently, and they were hers. There would always be more pain and more death, but where there was death there was life too.

       The world was colorful again.

 

~

 

 

       Beth climbed the steps to the house, her hands trembling slightly as she wiped them on her jeans. She couldn’t remember the last time she stepped foot in this house, but she swore she remembered Aidan standing on the porch in a distant memory. Just the thought caused a dull ache to spread through her chest.

       She walked to the door, her heart in her hands, ready to do anything to make up for what she had done. Her knuckles rapped against the door, even the resulting bangs through the quiet house sounded unsure. The muted thumping of boots on hardwood grew louder until the door in front of her swung open.

       Deanna stood in front of her. A subtle look of surprise crossed her face, but it was quickly covered up as she stepped to the side and gestured for her to come inside. Beth walked in hesitantly, lingering in the hallway until Deanna indicated how she wanted to proceed.

       “Would you like some tea?” Deanna asked, her voice more reserved than how Beth remembered it sounding. It pained her to hear the lack of warmth.

       “Yes,” Beth nodded, “Thank you.” She wasn’t about to be rude and turn her down.

       Deanna led her back into the kitchen. The morning sun coming through the windows made the granite countertops glitter. The silence between them was broken up with the sounds of Deanna making both of them a cup of tea, but it was still deafening. Beth felt the weight of the tension between them in her bones. She had to make it right, so she just started.

       As Deanna placed her cup of tea in front of her and settled into the stool next to her, Beth took a deep breath, “You were right. ‘Bout everythin’. I just couldn’t hear it.”

       Beth expected Deanna to keep quiet, but she hummed in agreement. And something about the gesture reminded her so much of her mama that some of the tension in the air ebbed away. She wrapped her hands around the hot mug, letting the warmth fill her, “I loved him. More than I even realized, I think. And I never got to tell him. We fought before we…before we went to Kingdom. I was so angry at everythin’ and I took it out on him. None’a it was his fault. We just saw things differently.”

       Her breathing started getting shallower as she continued, “Then, he was right in front’a me. Kneelin’. An’ I couldn’t get to him. Couldn’t tell him none’a it mattered. That I wasn’t mad at him.” Beth stared into her mug of tea, unable to look Deanna in the eyes as she recounted what happened to her son, “He saved me without a second thought an’ I couldn’t do the same for him. Couldn’t give him the benefit of the doubt even when I was angry.”

       Beth finally looked up at Deanna to see silent tears streaming down her face. The corners of her lips downturned and quivering ever so slightly. It was enough to pull her own tears from her eyes. She didn’t want to lose it. Not in front of Deanna. She didn’t deserve that. “What I said to you after comin’ back to Hilltop…I’m so sorry. Throwin’ that in your face was…unforgivable. When ya said Aidan woulda been proud’a me, I knew he wouldn’t of been. I gave in to Negan. Let him worm his way in,” she wiped away the tears streaming down her cheeks, “But I’m tryin’ ta make him proud now.”

       She let her eyes drift away from Deanna as her next words threatened to spill out. It was a truth she hadn’t told anyone, not even Daryl. The pain it caused was enough to keep it locked away, but Deanna deserved to know. So, she spoke. “But I want ya to know, I was with him until the end,” her voice stuttered and tripped as her throat closed up with unshared emotions, “I never looked away. He wasn’t alone.”

       Sniffling filled the quiet between them and Beth fought the urge to dig her fingernails into her palm. Fought the urge to draw her own blood. She was clasping her hands together so hard her fingers were turning white. Anything to not overburden Deanna more than she already had.

       Suddenly, Deanna’s hands wrapped around her clasped ones, urging Beth to look at her. Her eyes were red rimmed, but instead of the guarded look she held when she opened the door, Beth saw the love of a mother staring back. Her face crumbled and Beth fell into her as she wrapped her arms around her.

       Together they supported each other.

       “My son told us what we needed to do,” Deanna ran her hand through her hair, comforting her, “It’s time we start following his lead.”

       Dolor hic tibi proderit olim. Someday this pain will be useful to you.

       Live. That’s what he wanted. He wanted them to live.

 

 

~

 

 

       The sun was setting as Daryl’s bike rumbled up to the gates of Hilltop. It was a wonder how Daryl wasn’t tired of dragging her ass all over northern Virginia, but this was Beth’s last stop on her way to making amends. She needed to close this door for good and there was only one way she could think to do that.

       Enid’s head popped up over the gates, a smile forming on her face as she yelled down below her, “Open.”

       The doors slowly creaked open. Two Hilltop soldiers both armed with spears stepped aside so Daryl could drive in. He walked his bike to the side and parked, shutting the engine off.

       “Who let your sorry asses in here?” A familiar voice called out to them. Beth was already smiling when she turned to see Glenn walking down the path towards them.

       Enid made it to her first, embracing her in a crushing hug as Beth replied to Glenn over her shoulder, “Think ya need a new lookout. This one’s far too lenient.”

       Glenn hugged Daryl first, mumbling, “How are you, man? Been too long.”

       Daryl nodded in agreement, clasping his shoulder. Beth wrapped her arms around her brother, letting her head fall to his shoulder. He was right. It had been too long. Glenn looked older somehow. Not in the way he looked, but in the way he carried himself.

       “It’s good to see you, Beth,” he whispered. The weight behind his words reflecting a heavier meaning.

       “You too,” she replied, her words coming out thick with emotion.

       “Bethie!”

       She would recognize that voice anywhere. Beth looked over Glenn’s shoulder to see Maggie jogging towards her. She met her halfway up the path. Maggie clutched her shoulders, looking her over like she was inspecting for any injuries. Her eyes lingered on her short hair, but she didn’t mention it. It wasn’t until Maggie fully looked into her eyes that she brought her into a crushing hug.

       Beth was relieved to see Maggie looking healthy and happy. There was an air of confidence that radiated from her now that she had become the elected leader of Hilltop. It pained her knowing they were separated, but Maggie belonged here. Just like her and Daryl belonged at Alexandria. It was a silent understanding between the pair of them.

       Maggie hastily wiped at her eyes as they parted, “Was no one gonna tell me my sister was here?” She stared pointedly at Glenn.

       “Hey, they just got here,” Glenn defended, raising his hands up in surrender.

       Maggie walked over to Daryl, wrapping her arms around him as she shook her head at Glenn, but Beth could see the hidden smile of adoration in her eyes as she looked at her husband. Her sister held Daryl in a hug, seemingly trying to convey something to him with the gesture rather than words. When she pulled away, there was a look of understanding in his eyes.

       Seeing her sister and husband love each other just as much as Beth loved Maggie made her eyes burn. There was a point where Beth had been concerned with how Maggie would take her being with Daryl, but those concerns were quickly put to rest by the gruesomeness of the world. All Maggie wanted was for Beth to be happy and safe. Both of those things Daryl provided immensely and in equal measure.

       When everyone had finally been acquainted again, Maggie asked, “What’re ya’ll doin’ here?”

       The question was out of pure curiosity, but Beth tensed up knowing the real reason she was here, “Can we go inside first?”

       Glenn and Maggie both looked at her with worry slowly etching itself onto their face. Maggie nodded towards Barrington House, “Come on.”

       They were almost at the steps to the house when, Beth recognized a couple figures in her peripherals. “Jessie. Noah,” she exclaimed.

       Both looked up from the conversation they were having with the blacksmith. She smiled, walking over to them. Noah walked towards her and she saw his limp was barely noticeable anymore. His embrace was quick and warm as he said, “Long time no see.”

       Jessie pulled her into a tight hug, a smile on her face despite everything she’d been through. Beth looked around before saying, “Where’s Sam?”

       “He’s training with Jesus and a couple of the other kids,” she replied.

       Beth was surprised to hear Sam had willingly gone alone with someone that wasn’t his mother. Although, she guessed all that showed was how much she’d missed while she was drowning in her grief. “Couldn’t ask for a better teacher.”

       She nodded, “He’s so patient with him. Took him a month to just coax him out of our trailer.”

       Beth nodded, a familiar ache going through her as she watched Jessie light up talking about Sam. She wasn’t sure what had gotten into her lately, but the same ache at seeing Rick with Judith started overtaking her. And it terrified her. The idea of being a mother terrified her to no end, but she couldn’t help wanting it regardless. And not just for herself. She wanted a family with Daryl, but she shook the thought away.

       Beth promised them both she’d come back to talk with them later as she followed Maggie and Glenn into the house. Her sister closed the door of the study behind them, waiting patiently for an explanation.

       She glanced towards Daryl, who was watching her carefully, as she finally said, “I came to see Negan.”

       At the mention of his name, the temperature of the room seemed to drop. Maggie glanced at Daryl and Glenn in surprise, but turned back to her, “Are ya sure that’s a good idea?”

       “Don’t know if it’s a good idea, but…” Beth shrugged, defeatedly, “I have to.”

       “He’s dangerous. I don’t think—”

       “Ya think I don’t know that?” Beth interrupted, exhaustion coating her words. She understood Magge was worried about her, especially with how they left things, but this was not her choice to make.

       Maggie shook her head, “Of course I do. He’s been…temperamental.”

       Beth hummed, “He never wasn’t. Look, Maggie, I know you’re worried ‘bout me. I haven’t made it easy. I know. But I’m not askin’ permission.”

       It was more forceful than she wanted to be, but Beth needed to make it clear this wasn’t negotiable. She had to see him.

       To her surprise Daryl’s gruff voice filled the silence, “She’s got a right ta anythin’ in that cellar. Ain’t like she’s the one who put ‘em there or nothin’.” Daryl’s sarcasm seemed to cut through the tension, reminding everyone, ever her, who had put him there in the first place.

       When Beth told Daryl she needed to see Negan, his reaction was unexpected. She could see him physically fighting against his initial gut reaction to say no, but all that came out was a rough, “Alright, but I’m comin’.”

       Glenn’s voice pulled her back to the present, “They’re right.”

       “I know,” Maggie said, slumping against the desk, “How long’re ya’ll stayin’?”

       “Couple’a days,” Beth replied.

       Maggie nodded, her lips upturning at the corners, “Good, ‘cause we gotta talk.”

 

 

~

 

 

       Hilltop’s cellar was dank and dark. The weight of the air was heavy as she walked towards Negan’s cell. Her heart was in her throat as she reminded herself over and over again, she had prevailed. Beth was no longer rotting in the dark next to Negan.

       Beth lowered the candle she was holding to the ground. It barely illuminated the iron bars of his cell. She could hear him breathing in the darkness, but the sound felt like it was everywhere, surrounding her from all corners.

       His voice nearly made her jump out of her skin, “You cut your hair.” It was rough, like he hadn’t spoken to another person in weeks. Months. A small part of her panged with sadness.

       She replied honestly, “Yes.” Her voice came out soft, far from how she intended, but she guessed lying wouldn’t do her any good anyway.

       She heard shuffling in his cell, “Where’s the boy toy? No way he’d let ya outta his sight. Not after everything. Bet he dicked ya down good afterwards. Probably whimpered like a little bitch too.” Negan goaded. She knew he wanted to get a rise out of her.

       His words washed right over her and somehow, she felt calm even though a blush heated up her cheeks. All the noise in her head disappeared. Negan's voice in the back of her head was gone. She almost snorted at the fact that the only one who could shut Negan up was Negan himself. She couldn't control the blush that rose to her cheeks, but she could control her words. Everything felt all too familiar. "He did, but he wasn't the one whimperin'."

       A dark chuckle pierced through the darkness, "Holy shit...You're serious. Did he make ya scream? Did he fuck you good? Remind ya that you were his and all that bullshit."

       There was a deep thudding of boots that reverberated through the dark cellar as Daryl stepped out of the shadows and closed in behind her. Beth knew Negan's game. There were times when he was completely unpredictable, but this wasn't one of them. He liked to get under people's skin. That was his whole deal.

       She could see Negan smiling in the low glow of the candlelight as he stepped forward. He looked menacing even behind the bars. "There he is. Wouldn't let ya come talk to the big bad wolf all alone," Negan turned his attention to Daryl, "What? Afraid I'm gonna steal her away...again. Wouldn't have to steal her. She'd come willingly. She's the one who told ya she had to come see me, right? Just couldn't stay away."

       Beth felt Daryl's hand grasp her hip. His fingers pressed into her skin like he needed to touch her to ground himself. All her senses narrowed to his touch as Negan watched the interaction with a quirked brow. She could practically feel the rage pouring off Daryl. To help calm him down, she stepped back into his chest, making as much contact with him as possible. Feeling him against her brought her peace even as she stared at Negan.

       Beth let Daryl hold her for a moment before turning towards him. He was looking down at her already, a question alight in his eyes. All she had to do was nod.

       His hand squeezed her hip tighter before letting go. Daryl stared daggers at Negan. If looks could kill, Beth was sure Negan would be burning at the stake. Her eyes were glued to her husband as he stalked out of the cellar. A grin formed on her lips at the trust he had in her to handle this even after everything. She knew leaving her in here with Negan was hard for him. More than hard. A swell of warmth and love flooded through her. It guarded her against anything else that would come in the next ten minutes.

       When Beth finally looked back towards Negan, he had somehow silently moved closer to the bars and was standing right in front of her. She had to tilt her head up slightly to look at him. Negan was watching her closely, his expression guarded.

       "That was low even for you," Beth said, nonchalantly.

       "Figured I was outta options. Had ta go for the dick an' balls," Negan responded vulgarly, "But I am surprised he left ya down here. You got him wrapped around your pretty little finger, don't ya?"

       Beth held up her fingers, mockingly inspecting them, "These fingers slit your throat. Don't know if I'd call 'em pretty an' little."

       A smirk formed on his face, "You know I love it when ya bite back."

       She rolled her eyes. The jabs back and forth was not what she came here for. She needed to talk to Negan. Not the person he played. And she knew the only way to get to him was by being vulnerable.

       "You were right, ya know. I needed to come see ya," Beth said honestly, her voice lowering like it was a secret. She found herself trying not to fall back into her manipulative habits. So, she tried to keep her face open and honest.

       “Come to gloat. Better yet, come to finish the job?" He asked with an edge to his voice.

       "I'm not here to kill ya, if that's what you're askin'."

       Negan went quiet. His eyes bouncing around her face, "I shoulda known." Her head tilted, eyebrows furrowed, but he didn't leave her wondering, "You never lied ‘bout him."

       Her breathing hitched, a part of her still panicking when Negan mentioned Daryl, as she whispered, "No."

       Negan hummed, "If it had been him, instead'a the kid—"

       "We wouldn't be havin' this conversation," Beth replied coldly, "You'd of been dead a long time ago. An' so would I."

       "What's that say ‘bout you? I ripped your boy’s throat out right in front'a you and ya still couldn't kill me. Bashed that other one's skull in. Took Carl's eye. And you still couldn't kill me? Had so many opportunities…" Negan egged, his head tilting down to look at her with a smirk painting his face.

       A knife twisted into her abdomen as his words landed hard, but they were true and it was something she had to come to terms with. If it had been Daryl, there would’ve been nothing left of the Sanctuary to salvage. Negan would’ve been a distance memory expect for within the confines of her own mind.

       Beth took a deep breath, ready to finally let her guilt go, “When I was kneelin’, I remember imaginin’ all the people ‘round me dyin’. Remember rationalizin’ which’a their deaths I could live through. Used to make me sick thinkin’ about how I picked who I coulda watched die…I was ready to go after ya killed Aidan.”

       Negan stayed quiet, his face unreadable, but Beth felt a weight lifted off her shoulders. Her blackest of truths finally revealed. When Negan came to Kingdom, Beth was forced to come to terms with who she could live without. Yes, she loved all of her family with everything she had, but when it had been Tyreese instead of Rick and Aidan instead of Daryl, there was a brief moment where she felt relieved. And that relief had haunted her for months, unable to forgive herself.

       She wasn’t confessing to Negan so he’d give her some fucked up sense of reassurance. Beth was letting the truth free to the one person who deserved to feel guilty.  

       Negan shifted, his hand coming up to grip the iron bar, "You could have just let me save all of you. Then none of that would’ve happened.”

       She scoffed, “You think ya saved me?”

       “Think I gave you what ya always wanted. You’re just too chicken shit to admit it.”

       “All you gave me were nightmares. You kept me in a cage, Negan. You were never savin’ anyone. An’ now, you’re gonna watch as we reorder everythin’ you built.”

       Negan sighed like he was talking to a petulant child, but his voice hardened and his eyes blazed, “You all aren’t savin’ the world. You’re just gettin’ it ready for me.”

       A cold chill crawled up her spine as she stared at Negan and realized he was buried too deep for her to get to him. He’d never trust her again. Not after how she betrayed him, but that was all right. She didn’t need him to trust her anymore.

       “Goodbye, Negan,” Beth whispered as she felt a part of herself start stitching itself back together.

       She ran her hand through her hair, breathing deeply, trying to get her heartbeat under control, but it nearly jumped out of her chest when she saw Negan’s hand dart between the bars of his cell and latch onto her arm. His grip was surprisingly gentle, like he only did it to keep her from walking away, “Why didn’t you kill me, Beth?”

       Beth heard rather than saw, the Negan she’d spent weeks digging out at Sanctuary. There was a hidden desperation in his voice. She didn’t lie, “I cared.”

      Negan’s face changed twice within the span of seconds. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but mostly devastation, but when he let go of her arm, his face was completely blank and emotionless, “You’re still weak.” He retreated back into the darkness of his cell with haunting clarity, “Shoulda killed all of you.”

       Beth stared into the darkness, reminded of the week she was locked in her cell at Sanctuary. Here she could feel the darkness staring back. “But ya didn’t. We’re both alive ‘cause we’re weak.”

       When he didn’t reply, she started for the stairs, ready to be rid of him forever. She got as close as she could to closure. Her boots started thudding on the steps when she heard him. A two-note whistle pierced the air. The same one that haunted her nightmares. It was a warning.

       Goosebumps broke out all over her body. Her fingernails dug into her thighs through her jeans, a wave of fear and anger poisoning the air around her. She wanted to scream at him to stop pretending. She wanted to kill him. She wanted him to suffer. But instead, she ascended the stairs and walked into the clear night of the outside world.

       The air was still warm and humid, but it was fresh as a light breeze made her baby hairs flutter around her face. The guilt she carried around was marginally lessened, left in the dank basement of Hilltop. Even with his thinly-veiled threat, she realized she never had to see him again. This could be the last time. And just that thought alone was enough to clear her mind of the two-note whistle still ringing in her subconscious.

       Beth started walking away to rejoin Hilltop when she stopped cold. Daryl was sitting up against the house right near the grated window that led to Negan's cell. And her heart dropped. She almost walked past him because he was completely cast in shadows. He was stripping a piece of straw when she approached him carefully. Her steps were hesitant as the crackling fire and dull chatter of the community provided a lulling sense of security, but she was scared. Scared of what Daryl thought of her knowing what he just heard.

       He got up from the ground and nodded his head away from the cellar. She followed without a word, knowing it was smart to get out of earshot of Negan. He weaved through the trailers until she couldn't take it anymore.

       “Daryl…I,” Beth said with resignation, but nothing came out. She didn’t know what to say or how to make it better. He didn’t stop walking. He kept going until he got to the end of the line of trailers. Beth hadn’t realized it was the one Maggie and Glenn offered them for the night until he led her inside. The trailer was completely dark and mostly barren, expect for a bed, a table and chairs, and a little kitchenette off in the corner.

       Beth turned to face Daryl when he said, “Stay here. I’ll be back.”

       Her heart sunk even more, but she didn’t have time to say anything before he disappeared back out the door. With the trailer thrown in complete darkness, Beth sunk down onto the twin sized bed, curling in on herself. Her mind was reeling.

       If Daryl was angry, he would’ve let her know, but if he was disappointed…he would’ve gone quiet. Beth shivered at the thought of disappointing him. It was the last thing she ever wanted to make him feel. She’d done enough of that over the past few months.

       She played his facial expression over in her head, trying to read between the lines, but for some reason there was nothing. No thinning of his lips or narrowing of his eyes to tell her he was angry. He held eye contact with her, so he couldn’t have been too disappointed. He was still talking to her, but he’d left her here.

       There was no way to know unless she asked, so Beth waited. It wasn’t long until she heard the creaking of the stairs outside the door.

       Beth sat up from the small twin sized bed as Daryl knocked and came into the trailer. He was guarding the flame of a candle with his hand as he set it on the table. The flickering flame lit up the center of the trailer. She was too busy watching the shadows dancing on the walls to notice him go back outside and return with plates of food that he also set on the table.

       He pulled out a chair and sat down, making sure to face her. Beth immediately tensed up. She swung her legs off the bed, planting them on the floor like she was bracing for impact. His eyes were focused on her and his body language was open, but she couldn’t kick the feeling he saw her differently now.

       She tilted her head down unable to hold his gaze any longer, "Daryl—”

       "I'm proud'a you."

       Her head snapped up at his words, hitting her so hard it felt like the wind was knocked out of her. All her doubt and fear melted away like it never existed. Thoughts of Negan were blown away like dust on the wind. And any thoughts of him being disappointed in her evaporated. A euphoric tingling overtook her body as she stared at Daryl, wondering how she’d gotten so lucky as to have him. Once she recovered, a small smile spread across her face.

       Her whole being wanted to get up and kiss him. Be close to him. Crawl into his lap and never leave. But Beth was still hesitant with her affection after everything she put him through. She didn't want to push him, so instead she dug her hands into her lap to hide her jittery energy.

       "You trusted me. I know it wasn't easy doin' what ya did..." Beth trailed off, “What ya heard—"

       "It don’t matter. Ya did what ya had to,” he leaned forward, forearms resting on his thighs, “Always gonna trust ya, Beth. It's him I don't."

       She nodded, "I know. Ya shouldn't. He doesn't lie. That's what makes him dangerous. With truth comes trust and loyalty. And he'll use those in whatever way he can."

       "Did ya trust him?" Daryl asked. There was no judgement in his tone. It felt like he was trying to understand the unwanted connection she had with Negan. The one she was slowly untangling.

       "I trusted he'd tell me the truth. It's who he is, but I did the same. Told him the truth no matter what I thought the consequences would've been," Beth grinned to herself as a memory resurfaced, "Told him I wanted to kill him. That he didn't know anythin' 'bout his own people. Told him his empire would burn."

        Beth waited for the memories to turn rancid. Waited for them to poison her, but it never came. They still hurt, but talking about them so freely dulled the pain to an ache. And she was ready to admit talking to Negan had lessened the guilt of the burden she carried.

       "Ya told him all'a that?" Daryl shifted in his chair, his head tilting as he watched her. He wasn't noticeably surprised, but Beth swore his blue eyes flickered with something. Or it could have been the flame of the candle playing tricks on her.

       "And a lot more with... more colorful language."

       It looked like a grin tugged at the corner of his mouth as he hummed low under his breath, "Good girl."

       A shock went through her body. For a second she was sure, she’d misheard him, but a blush rose to her cheeks, heating up her face and body. More surprising than his words was the way he was assessing her reaction like he knew what he'd done. It dawned on Beth, maybe this was his way of telling her he was ready. He knew what calling her 'girl' did. Adding the praise was just a cherry on top.

       Beth breathed in deep and committed. If he denied, they could move on. But if he didn't... "If ya want somethin', Daryl, all ya gotta do is ask."

       For a brief second, she saw hunger flicker in his eyes, before a flash of fear crossed his face, "Ain't 'bout what I want."

       His shift in demeanor alarmed Beth. His postured closed off as he leaned back in the chair and his eyes fell from her face. That's when she finally took in what he said. And she understood. This cat and mouse game had been fun, but now this was serious. A deep seeded fear seemed to have overtaken him and she had no doubt it was made worse by what happened between them after she came back from the Sanctuary. This was her problem to remedy.

       She got up from the bed and crossed the small trailer to kneel down in front of him. She was careful not to touch him, but Beth caught his eye again as she looked up at him, "Yes, it is, Daryl. We do this together. Just like everythin' else. I wanna know what ya want too. Goes both ways."

       "I wanna lay ya out on that bed without feeling like a piece'a shit. Ain't want it ta feel like fuckin'."

       Her heart stuttered, "Did I make ya feel like that? Like that's all we were doin'?" She knew the answer, but needed to hear it anyway.

       "Ain't all on ya. Got lost in it," Daryl answered, his eyes bouncing around her face.

       She nodded to herself, "I'm sorry for the part I played. It ain't an excuse, but...I was tryin' to feel somethin' good. Anythin'. You made it go away. But I'm not tryin' to push anythin' away anymore."

       "I know. C'mere," Daryl helped her up from the ground, pulling her into his lap.

       There was something else she felt she needed to clarify, "That night we got back to Alexandria...I don't regret it. Not that."

       Daryl hummed, but she knew he was thinking. Working through what she said. Beth buried her face into his shoulder, melting into him. She felt his face turn into her, "Ya think I regret it? Any'a it?"

       "Wouldn't blame you if ya did,” she responded, an edge of desperation in her tone.

       "I don't, Beth," his tone was stern as his hand turned her face towards him, "Ya hear me?" Beth nodded. She turned her face into his hand to kiss his palm. All the pent-up energy she'd been holding back was swirling inside her. And all the affection she'd been keeping contained was spilling over.

       “Just needed you ta know...I still think 'bout that night," she whispered, almost to herself, "I missed you."

       Daryl's eyes seemed to shudder before he kissed her. It was soft and caring, not fervently like it usually was. She could feel his steady heartbeat against her fingertips as she rested her hand on his chest. Her whole being seemed to thrum for him.

       "Fuck, Beth," Daryl rumbled against her, "Tell me what ya want."

       She kissed his cheek and trailed her lips down to his jaw. The scruff of his hair tickling her lips. "Tell me what ya want me ta ask for." If he wouldn't tell her what he wanted, then she'd rephrase so it came from her. If it took the pressure off him, then that's all she wanted. Being here with him was everything, "I know some things, but not everythin'."

       "What do ya like 'bout what we do now?" Daryl asked, eyes glued to her. His thumb glided up and down her ribcage, comforting her, but also making all her senses narrow to his touch.

       She swallowed down her raging desire enough to answer the question. She pushed past the hesitation. Daryl was here. He wanted her. "Your voice. I like hearin' you. Makes me feel like I'm doin' somethin' right... There's nothin' I haven't liked."

       He watched her, his eyes drinking in every breath she took, "Ya like," he tightened his grip on her waist, "that?" She sucked in a breath, a shiver going through her body. Beth nodded. Daryl's pupils had grown as she stared into them, "What else?"

       Her voice came out breathy, "I like when ya don't hold back. You get this look," her hand came up to trace his cheekbone and jaw, "Can't explain it."

       His eyes darted across her face, "Try."

       Beth knew she could explain it. It was always something she thought would never leave the confines of her own mind, but he'd seen the worst. Heard the worst. Would he look at her different if he knew the truth? That she liked seeing him unravel. Liked seeing him lose control, but that wasn't what made her come apart. It was the fact Beth knew she was safe even when she saw that possessive darkness take over. That's why that night at Alexandria was painted in her mind. She wanted to feel his love, but she also didn't want him to hold back ever.

       "The first time I saw it was at Terminus. Remember thinkin' ya looked like an avenging angel," she took in a deep breath, "I know ya hold back cause you're afraid you'll scare me. You won't. You're the only person that makes me feel safe."

       Daryl's eyes shut and he took in a breath like her words physically hit him. When they opened, there was a longing there that made her freeze. It locked her in place, but continued to pull the truth from her lips because if he wasn't judging her for that, she felt secure there was nothing he'd look down at her for. So, she kept going, unable to keep any of it to herself anymore, "I like hearin' ya say that I'm good. That I'm yours."

       A groan rumbled through his chest, before he spoke, "Don't bother you?"

       She tilted her head to the side so she could see his face clearly in the flickering candle light, "Why'd it bother me?"

       His eyes bore into her, making her squirm slightly underneath him, "Ain't want ya to feel like I'm talkin' down to ya."

       He was going to kill her. His words laid her bare, stripping her down and reminding her Daryl hadn’t come from a loving home. He grew up hearing things a child should never hear two adults say to each other, let alone his parents. He may have more experience than her, but he was still learning too.

       "You've never made me feel less than, Daryl. Even when you're yellin'," she added with a grin.

       He huffed out a breath at her admittance, as he stood up with her in his arms and took the two steps to get back to the bed. He placed her down, staying close as he climbed on top of her. His eyes drifted down her body, making her heat up under her gaze. When his gaze returned to her face, there was something swimming in it.

       She ghosted her lips over his, but she pulled away when he leaned in more, "Like it when ya call me girl."

       An amused expression crossed his face, "Mhm, figured that one out." His head dipped into the crook of her neck, lips finding her pulse. A breathy sigh left her lips, but he pulled back to look at her too soon for her liking. His voice had somehow become deeper, "Don't always gotta be like this." His eyes drifted to her below him before returning to her face again. 

       "Hm?" She asked, giving him room to speak just like he always did for her.

       Daryl answered, but not in the way she thought. In one swift motion, he rolled onto his back and pulled her on top of him. A breathless laugh left her lips as she caught herself on his chest before sitting up in his lap. She completely forgot what she had asked him until he said, "Can be like this."

       Then, it clicked. Every time they had been together, she was always underneath him. And she loved it. She loved being completely surrounded by him. In his arms. It’s where she felt safest. Now she understood he was offering her something different. Something new. He was telling her what he wanted. And her heart soared.

       But she was still curious and adamant about getting a verbal answer out of him, "Is this what ya want?"

       It wasn't much different than when she was in his lap, but somehow this felt more vulnerable. She was on full display for him. A thrill went through her as she waited for him to answer.

       Daryl suddenly bent up his knees behind her, which bumped her forward. She, once again, caught herself on his shoulders. Her hips rolled of their own volition causing her to feel him underneath her. Her whole being caught flames and her mind still hadn't caught up with what just happened when she felt Daryl's lips against hers. And Beth melted. It had been too long.

       His hand tangled in her hair as he held her against him. Those boundaries she had instilled between them vanished, but the reminder of Daryl's boundaries made her pull away and repeat, "Daryl...is this what ya want?"

       "Thought I made it clear," he said, his chest heaving underneath hers.

       She leaned down, letting her lips brush his. The urge to give in was mind numbing, but she withheld a little bit longer, "Please. I needa hear it."

       Daryl's fingers curled around the nape of her neck, holding her in place, "What? Ya think I don't want ya all the fuckin' time. Dammit, girl. Been crawlin' outta my skin wantin' you. Was gettin' myself off like a damn teenager thinkin' 'bout ya. Get that shit outta your head."

       Her heart stopped and a soft gasp left her lips. Everything stopped as she stared at him in rapt fascination. Awe pouring out of her eyes and into the man below her. Beth never heard Daryl speak his feelings so clearly. He showed them. That's who he was and she loved feeling them, but he'd never spoken so open or brazenly about wanting her. She felt it every time they were together, but hearing it from his mouth was different.

       Her whole body broke out in goosebumps as his words sunk in. The fluttering in her stomach sunk lower and she knew Daryl felt it when a groan left his lips and his eyes almost closed.

       She knew she pushed him to tell her, but she half expected him to reply with sarcasm or just shut her up with his mouth. Oh God. She loved him so much she felt like she was burning alive even though chills were running up her spine. And he was hers. All hers.

       "You're so good, Daryl," she rolled her hips over his as she said it to emphasize her next point. This was about him. He deserved to feel good. As good as he always made her feel. Then, she spoke the truth she normally kept to herself, "Even if the world hadn't fell, I woulda found you."

       He groaned, his hands pulling her down harder against him. A flash of lightning lit the room for a split second, Daryl's eyes burning into hers. It was followed by a crack of thunder louder than she expected. It seemed the weather outside was reflecting exactly what was happening between her and Daryl, like it was mimicking them. With the crack of thunder and Daryl's words still swirling around her head, Beth's hesitation vanished.

       She crashed her lips to his, letting him fully consume her, while her hands drifted down his chest and to his belt. Her fingers shook slightly as she undid it. Everything that had been building up for the past couple months surged through her. She couldn't wait anymore. His fingers dug into her hips as she pulled him out, another groan filling the air between them. She lifted her hips up just enough for him to pull off his pants.

       Beth haphazardly pulled her shirt and bra over her head in one fell swoop. She looked down at her jeans and wished she could just make them disappear. The last thing she wanted to do was move away from Daryl, but Beth swung her leg back over him and stood up next to the bed. Beth could only describe Daryl as enraptured as he sat up on his elbows and watched her shimmy out of her pants and underwear. 

       Then, her stark nakedness suddenly felt like too much when she caught a glimpse of the jagged scare that ran down her left forearm. In the back of her mind, she heard him: Whore.

       Her hands twitched, hesitation returning. And Daryl clocked it immediately. She couldn't hide from him. Not that she ever wanted to.

       His command was deep, pulling on the tether in her gut only he could find, "Get over here."

       Beth walked up to him, the edge of the bed digging into her thighs. Daryl grabbed onto her hip and used it as leverage to drag his lips against her stomach. Her head fell back, a breathy noise escaping her. Her racing mind shut off as Daryl kissed across her bare stomach. With his silent reassurance, she crawled back on top of him.

       He sat up with her in his lap as he went to undo the buttons on his shirt. Beth marveled at his exposed collarbone and chest and eventually his stomach, as he threw his shirt to the ground next to them. It was a rare sight for Beth to see him fully naked. And no matter how many or how few times it happened; he always took her breath away.

       She followed him as he laid back down, her lips connecting with the scar where he got shot. Like a tether pulling her home, she found her way back to his lips. He held onto her like she was going to disappear and that thought alone was devastating because she knew that’s what he was afraid of. He was afraid after this was over, she’d retreat back into herself.

       She wouldn’t let that happen again.

 

 

 

       When Beth sunk down onto him, Daryl was certain he was going to lose his mind. She was tender and timid as she rode him like her life depended on it. He’d never seen anything so beautiful. She was going to kill him. All the little noises and the fluttering of her eyelashes against her cheeks as her head fell back towards the ceiling were enough to take him out of commission if he let them.

       Every time she rolled her hips, he saw stars, but he refused to close his eyes even as the pressure started building up. Beth fell forward, her hands resting on his chest. Her eyes were open and he followed their path to see she was staring at the scar on her forearm. He could see the fight she was having with herself and he was sure as shit not going to let whatever bullshit was in her head win.

       Daryl brought his lips to her scar, dragging them across it until he pressed a kiss to the old one along her wrist. He felt the rhythm of her hips stutter and a moan mixed with a barely contained sob fell from her mouth. Her hips were slowing down, emotion overwhelming her, but there was still a desperation to the way she moved. It was like she couldn’t quite reach something she needed. Daryl met her hips with his own, but the stream of noises she tried to muffle with a hand over her mouth snapped something inside of him. And he surged forward, taking the reins.

       Her own words played in his head: Your voice. I like hearin' you.

       If Beth said she liked hearing him, she'd hear him. It didn't matter if he didn't like hearing himself. If she wanted it, liked it, he'd give it to her. He let his lips ghost over her ear as he rasped, "Come on, girl. No one's gonna hear ya."

       As if on cue, another crack of thunder boomed outside, followed by the sudden pattering of rain coming down in buckets. Beth shudder against him and a high-pitched moan escaped her. From then on, all Daryl wanted to do was pull more of those noises from her mouth.

       All the fear he’d harbored was gone as he pushed up into her hard and deep. Every part of him wanted to make a space in her for himself. Wanted to make sure she knew a piece of him would always be with her. Her arms wrapped around his neck and her head fell back again. His eyes roved over her exposed neck before he started pressing open mouthed kisses against the hollow of her throat.

       She gasped, bringing her lips against his, “You make me feel so good, Daryl." His heart squeezed, but she wasn’t done ripping him to shreds, “Please.”

       It was always the ‘please’ that did him in. His hips snapped up into hers, hard, and he watched Beth’s eyes roll shut. His grip on her waist got tighter. He groaned, unable to contain himself as he started to unravel, “S’like you were made for me.”

       Beth said she knew they would’ve found each other even if the world hadn’t ended. Daryl was starting to believe it was true. How could it not be when being with her felt like this?

       Beth started tensing up in his arms, her legs starting to shake and her rhythm becoming messy. He knew she was close. Each heaving breath she took and moan she let out sent an electric current through his spine, tugging on his last shred of sanity. She shuddered as she whispered into his ear, “I was.”

       He almost forgot what she was replying to, but when it hit him. It hit him hard and it must have done the same to her, because suddenly and all at once, she clenched around him hard and buried her whimpers into his shoulder.

       Daryl barely held out as he worked her through it. She went slack in his arms and her blue eyes opened to stare at him with so much love and devotion his chest nearly cracked open just so he could pull her closer. She was still heaving, trying to work him over the edge with her hips and the way her fingernails dug into his shoulders. With the way her tongue moved against his neck. But it was her words that did him in. She said it like it was the simplest thing in the world, “I’m here. You’re mine.”

       Her words pushed him over the edge, his grip on her tightening. He was thrown into an overwhelming sense of peace and fulfilment. His body buckling as he pulled out at the last minute. Daryl crashed his lips to Beth’s and she consumed every one of his moans. The buried fear he had that she’d disappear on him was yanked from his body when her words hit him. With two sentences, she soothed it all.

       Beth was still breathing heavily as he gently laid her back down on the bed and moved to lay next to her, his hand splayed across her stomach. Despite his exhaustion, he watched her carefully, making sure she was all right. When she turned on her side to look at him, the emotionless mask he was so used to seeing was nowhere to be found. Instead, a content smile bloomed on her face. His chest nearly caved in at the sight.

       She clearly saw the look overtaking his face, because she leaned in to kiss him. Her hand circled over his ribs like she was trying to sooth him. He pulled her nearly on top of him, needing to feel her against him again. He always needed her closer. She dug her face into his neck like she always used to do before everything went to shit.

       He felt a smirk form on her lips against his neck. When she pulled away, there was a twinkle in her blue eyes that seemed almost unreal. “Wanna go again?”

       Daryl huffed out a laugh and grunted "Fuck, girl, ain't a pay ta ride. Give me'a minute.”

       A laugh burst from her mouth and once she started, she didn't stop. The sound rang out clear and true in the small trailer. He stared at her in awe as he bottled the sound and locked it away, committing her to memory. His hand mindlessly brushed the dimples that formed on her cheeks. Her blues eyes were illuminated by the warm light of the candle still flickering on the table. 

       Daryl sucked in a breath as the moment struck him hard. Her eyes softened watching him, his thumb still stroking her cheek. The smile in her eyes never faded. She stayed by his side, not drifting to a place he couldn't follow her.

Notes:

This chapter was so unnecessarily long for no reason, but at this point who cares? More is better than less sometimes and I think this chapter deserved to be this long since it’s closing an arc.

We finally get Beth’s apology to Deanna. This was probably the hardest step for Beth. Disappointing and hurting Deanna is something Beth regrets immensely. After visiting Aidan’s grave and having that experience with Siddiq, she is finally in a place where she can have that conversation with Deanna.

Beth hadn’t seen Maggie and Glenn since dropping Negan off at Hilltop, so their reunion was all fluff, but absolutely necessary in my opinion. Plus, I’m always a sucker for these four interacting.

The final step in Beth’s recovery is closure with Negan. Their conversation was very interesting to write, because of the headspace Negan is in. This is maybe 4-5 months after the war, so he’s been in a cell for a good bit. He’s fully got his mask on, but there are cracks he’s having a hard time covering up. A part of him wants to hurt Beth for betraying/hurting him, but another part of him still admires her. He hops back and forth between trying to get under her skin and wanting to have a truthful conversation. We see how deep his delusion goes, just like in the series, but we also see his regret.

Finally, on to the main event of the chapter (in my humble opinion lol). The scene between Daryl and Beth is a pretty long and detailed scene. I desperately needed it to be conveyed in a certain way, which is why it ended up being so long. We are at the point in their relationship where I think both these characters can be open and honest with each other without it feeling unnatural.

I wrote Beth and Daryl’s first time somewhat reserved, but heavy on the emotions. The time at Hilltop was about quelling Beth’s insecurities around asking for what she wanted. After Beth came back from the Sanctuary, it was about claiming each other. Reminding each other that they were alive. And this chapter was about being open and quelling Daryl’s fears, but also about reclaiming what sex is to both of them after the emotional side was lacking when Beth was lost in her grief.

With this chapter, we can finally put the Savior’s arc to an end. Healing is a long and arduous journey, but it is always worth it. Anyways, all the love to you all. You guys are the best. See you next, Sunday <3

Chapter 51: Things We Love Most

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Hope you all are doing well! Welcome to the first time jump chapter :) If you want to know exactly how much time has past, read the end notes! I explain it all there.

I really hope you all love this chapter as much as I do and I can't wait to hear your thoughts in the comments. All the love <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       "Where's my sister?"

       Maggie's pleas for Beth echoed loudly through the room, only rivaled by her moans of pain. Glenn looked on helplessly as he clutched his wife's hand through the insufferable discomfort. The tips of his fingers were turning blue with the pressure, but he didn't complain once. He ran his free hand through her hair and whispered, "She's coming. Jessie and Alden went to get her."

       Maggie shook her head back and forth, her eyes scrunching closed as another contraction hit her, "I can't. Not without her."

       Siddiq was starting to worry. She had been laboring for more than half a day and was refusing to push until Beth got there. Siddiq understood. He really did. He'd give anything to have his mother by his side again.

       Siddiq hunkered down near Maggie's legs and said clear and concise, "Maggie, you have to start pushing. This isn't healthy for you or the baby."

       He wasn't trying to scare her, but she needed to know what was at risk. These people were his family now. And his heart broke seeing Maggie in so much pain. She was the older sister of the person who'd changed his life by not pulling the trigger. He was certain he'd be dead by now if it wasn't for Beth. New resolve kicked in and hardened. Siddiq wouldn't let anything happen to Maggie or her baby. She'd be all right if it killed him.

       "Enid," Siddiq gestured his head to Maggie's other side. The place Beth should be. She would be more helpful to Maggie than to him right now. Enid moved and slowly coaxed Maggie to sit up and forward, whispering encouragements into her ear that he couldn't hear. Whatever she was saying, it was working because it seemed Maggie was buckling down to push.

       "All right, Maggie. I'm going to need you to start pushing through your next contraction," Siddiq commanded softly, keeping his voice at a low and steady volume so as not to irritate her.

       She nodded and gritted her teeth, clamping down on Glenn and Enid's hands as she pushed through the pain.

       He checked and saw the top of the baby's head, "Good. Rest for a second."

       The door to the room suddenly crashed open and Siddiq was about to have some serious words with whoever decided to make so much commotion, but he saw a frazzled Beth rush into the room and to Maggie's side. Enid smiled widely at her and said to Maggie, "Look who's here." 

       He sighed in relief at seeing Beth. He wasn't sure he'd ever been happier to see her and that included when he’d been slowly starving to death in a gas station. Maggie nearly started crying at seeing her sister. Beth hugged Enid before taking her place. Glenn looked bewildered as he watched her settle next to his wife. He turned his befuddled look to him and he shrugged, a grin tugging at his lips.

       Glenn turned back to Beth, "How the hell did you get here so fast?"

       Beth shrugged a smirk forming at the corner of her mouth, "Daryl."

       "Shit," Glenn said under his breath, "Don't even wanna know how fast you guys were going."

       Siddiq held in his laughter at Glenn's brotherly disapproval and Beth's teasing. Although, the light atmosphere faded when a barely contained scream ripped through the room. 

       Beth gripped onto Maggie's hand, her face falling, "I'm here, Mags."

       "Enid, get the wash rag and the water bowl," Siddiq commanded, taking control of the room again, "Maggie, you need to push as hard as you can on this next one. If you need to move into another position, do it now."

       Maggie nodded, "Help me get on my knees."

       Glenn and Beth helped her maneuver so she was on her knees and holding onto her husband's shoulders. Right as she settled, her face scrunched up and a yell pushed its way out of her clenched teeth. After what felt like fifteen seconds of pushing, Maggie slumped against Glenn.

       Siddiq knelt down in front of her to check her progress and he said, "One more push and the head will be out."

       This wasn’t his first time delivering a baby and he was sure it wouldn’t be the last. Not too long ago, Michonne and Rick asked him to deliver their child. Their trust in him was flattering considering they’d known Denise longer than him, but he’d said yes without hesitation. That’s when the panic started setting in.

       The last time he delivered a baby it was during his residency and everything that could’ve gone wrong did. The mother, Agatha, and child didn’t make it. And they had been in a hospital with everything they could have possibly needed to ensure her safety. He’d never forget the look on the father’s face as he delivered the news. It still haunted him and sometimes he found himself wondering where he was now. If he had made it through the initial outbreak. If he had found another family like he did. He wondered a lot.

       Denise had been with him during RJ’s delivery so she could learn. It soothed his nerves having her there and to know Michonne had successfully delivered a child before. However, the relief it brought was soon evaporated when he realized what probably happened to her first child. Rick was there the whole time, doing and saying all the right things to support Michonne. Seeing their bond was eye opening. They communicated so clearly and efficiently, but with so much love it filled the room to the brim.

       And RJ was born. A healthy baby boy. Siddiq had practically wept at the sight from sheer relief and gratitude. He’d turned to the heavens and thanked Allah like he used to when his mother was still alive. She was the one who helped him through his grief when he had lost Agatha. She told him not to worry. Jannah was a place with no pain or suffering. She said they could rest now.

       His mother’s assuredness brought comfort to him and her words stuck. Grief was for the living. He found peace in believing those who left him, who left this world, were somewhere better.

       “You’re doing great,” Glenn said to Maggie, pulling Siddiq from his thoughts. His words were soothing and quiet, allowing for a moment of comfort before she started to push again.

       Maggie continued to push, clinging onto Glenn and Beth. And as the sun dipped below the horizon, Maggie gave one final push and a sharp, shrill cry filled the bedroom. Siddiq uttered another thanks, relief rushing through him as he pulled the baby from between Maggie’s legs. He picked up the child, checking his vitals, before haphazardly wiping him clean. Maggie had slumped onto her back, breathing heavily, but her eyes were focused on her baby thrashing in his arms.

       A genuine smile painted his face as he laid the child in Maggie’s arms, “Congratulations, Maggie.”

       Tears wet her cheeks as a small sob left her lips, “Healthy?”

       Siddiq nodded as he cut the umbilical cord and clamped it off, “A healthy baby boy. Kicking like a champ too. Think you may have a fighter on your hands.”

       Glenn looked on in awe, tears also wetting his cheeks, as he sat down next to Maggie on the bed. Beth’s hand was covering her mouth like she was trying to keep her own sobs of joy at bay. She kissed her sister on the temple, staring down at the crying infant with a whole lifetime of love ready and waiting. And finally, Siddiq could absorb the joy because his part was over.

       Beth got up suddenly and wrapped her arms around him tightly. He was taken aback, but eventually returned the gesture. When she pulled away, she said, “Thank you.”

       He shook his head like he’d heard the most absurd thing in the world, “It was all Maggie.”

       Maggie’s voice rang through the room, soft and full of tears, “Hershel. His name’s Hershel.”

       Bittersweetness. That was the only word that came to mind as he looked around the room. Siddiq learned who Hershel was when he asked about the portrait hanging in Hilltop’s study. He learned who the Greene family used to be. Learned who Tyreese and Aidan were too.

       He learned of Hershel’s wisdom and bravery. Learned of Tyreese and Aidan’s sacrifice. Learned how they all got to be where they are now. They carried all the people they lost with them. Even though Siddiq never knew Hershel, he saw his wisdom in Glenn. He never met Aidan, but he saw his fighting spirit in Beth. Never met Tyreese, but he saw his caring nature in Maggie.

       Siddiq wanted to give them all a moment. Baby Hershel had already made it around to Glenn and Beth and was now sitting comfortably back in Maggie’s arms. He was at the door to the bedroom, when he heard his name being called.

       He looked to see Maggie watching him with a bright, tired smile on her face. He replied, “I’ll be back to help with the afterbirth. I just wanted to give you a minute.”

       But it was like she hadn’t even heard him, “Do ya wanna hold him?”

       The sincerity in her voice made his professional demeanor vanish. He was no longer just her doctor. He was her family too. He walked over and held out his arms for Hershel. Maggie placed him carefully. Suddenly he was looking down at the newest member of his family. Hershel Rhee.

       He found himself uttering another thanks. With a world overrun by the dead, moments like this became more precious and sacred. Siddiq cooed at Hershel and it became all the clearer why they fought every single minute of every day.

           

 

~

 

           

       Beth watched Daryl rock Hershel in his arms. The moment yanked her back to another life when she watched him hold Judith for the first time in the prison. She remembered feeling a tug deep inside her. Watching someone so rough around the edges be so gentle and sweet was an eye-opening experience. She had noticed Daryl before, but that was the moment her heart opened to him. At the time, she wasn’t sure what she’d been feeling, but now she knew.

       Hilltop’s study was illuminated by candles, the sun having set hours ago. Beth was content to just watch Daryl and Hershel all night, but even as the thought crossed her mind, Glenn quietly entered the room with a tired smile on his face.

       “Maggie’s finally asleep. Swear she would’ve got up and started planning preparations for the Oceanside exchange if I hadn’t threatened to rat her out to Siddiq,” Glenn huffed, good-naturedly, eyeing Beth like the whole Greene family was her responsibility.

       Beth shook her head, “She never stops.”

       “Thanks for watchin’ him while I helped her settle,” Glenn said to them both, “And for comin’ as quickly as you did.”

       Dary walked over to Glenn, eyes still on Hershel as he handed him back to Glenn, “Nah, man. Don’t needa thank us.”

       She navigated over to the baby, running a finger over his chubby cheek, “He’s perfect. Won’t ever get enough’a him.”

       When Maggie said she would name him Hershel, it took everything in her not to fall apart. Her daddy was a part of her. Of them all, but as the years passed, she felt further and further removed from him. Beth still thought about him, but a part of her felt guilty for not remembering him more. So, when Maggie named her beautiful baby boy Hershel, she knew her daddy would always be with them. He would continue to live on outside their memories.

       Glenn looked about ready to pass out, so she refrained from asking to hold Hershel one more time. Instead, she said, “Carl an’ Mika are gonna wanna see him tomorrow.”

       Glenn cocked his head, “They came with you?”

       Daryl answered, “Got here a couple hours ago. Wouldn’t take no for an answer. They came back with Jessie an’ Alden.”

       “Rick an’ Michonne wanted to come, but they had sum things to take care’a with Deanna first. I’m sure they’ll be here in a couple’a days,” Beth added. “Everyone else’ll wait ‘til ya’ll are more settled.”

       “Speakin’ of Rick and Michonne. How’s RJ?” Glenn asked, swaying slightly to keep his son from waking up.

       Daryl grunted, “Kid’s gotta pair’a lungs on him.”

       “Is that why you guys look like shit?” Glenn teased, “I mean, more than usual.”

       “Watch it. You may be my brother, but—”

       “Language, asshole.”

       Beth and Daryl softly exclaimed over each other. Glenn started turning a bit pink as he held in his laugh so as not to wake his son. Her hand went to her mouth to keep from laughing and when she looked over at Daryl, his eyes were swimming with amusement.

       “Don’t know why anyone’s ever questioned you guys’ bein’ together. Spend two minutes with you and you’re threatin’ everyone,” Glenn joked. Beth smiled and let herself admire what her and Daryl had. How easy it was now. And how she felt more connected and loved than she ever had. Two pieces of the same soul in separate bodies. That’s how it felt.

       Glenn’s smile settled and his tone took on a more serious nature, “You ever think how lucky we are to have found each other? Sometimes wonder how my life would’ve turned out if none of this happened. And then I think, maybe selfishly, that I wouldn’t want to know. Everything I could’ve wanted is right here. We’ve lost so much, but look at what we have because of it.”

       He looked down at his son with so much love and devotion she could feel it pulsating in the room. His words settled over her like a security blanket. They were warm and comforting. Beth wasn’t quite there yet. She still struggled. She still had nightmares. Still had episodes. And she still wished she could go back and change some things, but watching Glenn now, Beth realized she had something to stride towards: contentment with the choices that got her here.

       The silence that settled over them was comfortable. She knew in many ways Glenn was thinking out loud. He didn’t need a response. When he looked back up at them, he said, “I’m gonna head off to bed.”

        It was Daryl that responded, “Go.”

       The command was clear in his voice, probably to sooth away any guilt Glenn may have at leaving them to fend for themselves. Her and Daryl may not live here, but this was their home too. Glenn didn’t need to play host to them, especially after the emotional rollercoaster he’d gone through today.

       “Yes, go ‘fore my sister wakes up an’ decides ta come lookin’ for ya,” Beth doubled down.

       Glenn just chuckled and they all followed him out of the study and back up the stairs to the second floor. Glenn peeled off to the left, disappearing into the room at the front of the house. Daryl pulled her into the last room on the right. It was small, but it was clean. It was perfect for them.

       Beth peeled off her sweat covered clothes and placed them on the rickety dresser in the corner. She left her undergarments on, figuring they weren’t as bad. The strike of a match filled the room and she turned to see Daryl lighting the oil lamp. Beth’s eyes returned to the dresser to find where she put her knives, when they connected with a mirror resting against the wall. It was a circular, ornate brass rimmed mirror.

       As she stared into it, she realized Glenn wasn’t kidding. The dark circles under her eyes were far more pronounced than she realized, but the dull lighting of the room could also be playing tricks. She chose to believe the latter. RJ hadn’t exactly been sleeping through the night, but Daryl and Beth refused to move out of the house. She knew they would have to eventually, but somehow leaving felt like a betrayal, even if it was just a couple houses down.

       Beth stared at her reflection. Her long French braid was coming undone, not having time to redo it after they rushed here from Alexandria. Muted footsteps thudded through the room until Daryl appeared behind her. He was shirtless, but his pants were still on. She admired him in the mirror as he reached around her to set the oil lamp down on the dresser. Then, without hesitation, his hands went to her hair.

       Her head tilted back and her eyes closed. Daryl’s fingers expertly took the braid apart, letting his fingers graze over her back, her neck, and then her scalp. No matter how many nights he did it, he still managed to make goosebumps break out over her body. When her hair was free and cascading down her back, she sighed in relief.

       It wasn’t long after before they both practically fell into bed, exhaustion finally hitting them. But even though her body was exhausted, her mind was still reeling. And it wouldn’t quiet until she got her thoughts out of her head. Beth curled into Daryl as he wrapped an arm around her. And she realized what she was about to say was crazy, but she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it for a long time.

       "Daryl…" Beth murmured, her heart in her throat. She nuzzled closer into his neck; afraid he'd pull away once she said what was on her mind. She breathed him in while her fingers absentmindedly traced over the scar near his collarbone.

       "Hm?" He hummed, the noise reverberating through her chest.

       She closed her eyes, letting the darkness lull her into peaceful reassurance. Her fingers drifted down to his chest and rested over his heart, "Do ya think we could do what they did? My sister and Glenn."

       Daryl seemed to go completely still beneath her. She subconsciously drew closer to him. It had to be unhealthy how much she constantly wished to crawl inside his chest and become a part of him. No matter how many times he'd been inside her, she always wanted him closer. There wasn't anything she wanted more, expect maybe his child. Seeing Maggie and Glenn with baby Hershel opened up something in her she’d been pushing away for so long. Seeing Daryl hold Hershel only threw her over the edge.

       She wanted to make a family with Daryl. Add to her chosen family. She wanted to build something special with him. Imagining Daryl being a father made her heart swell and ache with so much love. For so long she wasn't sure she could ever feel all right with bringing a child into this world, but now, she wasn't sure she could deny that gift to herself or Daryl. She always wanted to be a mother and she was tired of being too afraid.

       "Look at me," Daryl instructed.

       She turned her face up towards him and opened her eyes. Daryl's piercing stare was poignant. It dragged all her emotions to the surface and stripped her bare. His eyes were glued to hers like he was trying to read her every thought.

       All the breath in her lungs was gone before he spoke again, "You wanna baby?"

       Beth shook her head, "No, I want your baby. Our baby."

       His breathing stuttered, "Yeah?" There was hesitation in his question like he couldn't believe that's what she wanted, but underneath it all was awe.

       "Yeah," she breathed out with finality.

       Judith was hers. Just like she was Rick's and Michonne's and Lori's and Daryl's. She was all of theirs to care for and love and raise. She wanted the same for whatever child her and Daryl might have. She wanted to see Michonne and Rosita train them. Wanted to see Rick teach them how to shoot a gun. Wanted Gabriel to teach them wisdom and patience. Wanted little Hershel to have a cousin to play with and Maggie to be an aunt. She wanted to see Daryl be a father, just like he already was to Judith and Mika and Carl.

       "It doesn't have ta be now or even a year from now. But I wanted ya to know," Beth said. Daryl's eyes closed and he looked like he was fighting something she couldn't hear or see. It dawned on her, he was afraid.

       She knew his daddy was the worst thing a father could’ve been. Her throat thick with emotion and enough conviction in her voice to convince someone of anything, she said, "You are a great father."

       Not ‘will be’. Are. She needed him to understand. He already was a great father to Mika, Judith, Carl, and Sam. He was kind, but tough when he needed to be. He already recognized the nuances in tailoring his demeanor depending on who he was with.

       With Mika, he was kind and encouraging. He always tried to be optimistic and gentle with her, even when he himself was feeling pessimistic and bad-tempered. When he was teaching her how to use a crossbow, he was patient, but clear in his critiques. With Judith, he was the same. Always softening his demeanor and voice with her. Beth loved to see him melt when she called him Uncle Daryl.

       With Carl, he was harder, but there was understanding and respect between them. Daryl made commands and Carl listened, especially out on runs. If Carl faltered, Daryl had his back even while reprimanding him. In turn, Carl never took Daryl’s criticisms as anything but love. They lived in a dangerous world and Daryl was keeping him safe. Beth saw how much Carl looked up to him, Rick, Michonne, and Carol. In the blink of an eye, it seemed Carl went from a boy to a man, completely skipping over his teenage years.

       With Sam, Daryl was quiet. At first, Beth didn’t understand it. The two seemed to silently communicate and move in tandem like they’d known each other for years. And then, it clicked one night when Daryl was talking about him before they went to bed. Daryl knew what type of father Sam had to endure because it was the same father he had. They may have lived vastly different lives, but they were cut from the same cloth. Daryl knew never to raise his voice with Sam.

       She traced her fingers over his beating heart that seemed to be pounding against her palm as he finally replied, "Ain't half as good as you already are."

       Beth kissed his neck, before answering, “That’s bullshit.”

       Daryl scoffed, “Glenn’s right. Spendin’ too much time ‘round me. Gotta watch your mouth.”

       “Don’t see any kids around,” Beth teased.

       “Nah, but if ya want one, better start practicin’ now.”

       At that, she lifted her head up from his neck to look down at him. He was staring at her, a grin quirking his lips. Even in the dim light, she could see he wasn’t joking. This was for real.

       But she still needed to be sure, “Yeah?”

       “Yeah.”

       With one word, he confirmed everything she needed to know. This wasn’t just for her. It was for him too. He wanted this despite everything he’d gone through in his own childhood. He wanted this with her.

 

 

~

 

 

       "How do ya do it?" Carl asked suddenly.

       Daryl looked up from his crossbow and saw Carl staring across Hilltop at Beth. He watched her as she pulled out her knife from its sheath and displayed it in front of her. She must have felt his gaze because her eyes locked with his and a smile melted her face. She was so fucking beautiful it was a wonder how he let her out of bed in the morning, especially after the conversation they had a couple nights ago.

       Once again, his whole world had shifted. Beth wanted a baby. Wanted his baby. She wanted to have a family with him. He was surprised at how easy it was to say yes. After the initial shock and disbelief, it had been a simple answer. Yes. His fear was still there, rolling in his gut. Fear at turning out just like his dad. Fear at Beth being in such a vulnerable state. Fear of losing her like Lori. Fear of losing his kid like Sofia. But still, his answer was yes.

       He wasn’t sure when exactly his mind had changed. He remembered imagining what their daughter and son would look like and forcing those thoughts away, convinced he was never meant to be a father. He remembered confessing he would give Beth a child after Judith called her ‘mama’ for the first time. Remembered telling Abraham he wouldn’t just be doing it for her.

       He never thought it would be something he wanted until her. Now, it was hard to think about anything else. Daryl let himself admire his wife before he actually let Carl's words sink in and realized he’d been quiet for too long.

       "What'd ya mean?" He asked, turning back towards the boy that was no longer a boy, but a man. He'd been a man a long time, but he looked like it now too.

       Carl nodded his head in Beth's direction again with a deep scowl on his face. Daryl followed his line of sight and realized Carl wasn't talking about Beth. He was looking at one of Hilltop's new people. Daryl hadn't really met him, only in passing, but first impression was he was one of those prep school douchebags, all-American boy types, but without the cocky attitude. He seemed nice enough.

       Daryl was wondering what grudge Carl could have built up against this guy he barely knew, when everything started to become clear. Daryl looked back at Beth and realized the guy was talking with her, leaning in too close. If he remembered correctly the guy's name was Owen, and he looked far more interested in her than whatever she was telling him. Beth rotated the knife in her hand, showing him proudly, and he was looking her up and down, not even paying attention. Guess he wasn't nice enough.

       Daryl scoffed, "Prick."

       "Aren't you gonna do something about it?" Carl asked, clearly trying to cover up how agitated he was at the whole situation, "He's hittin' on her."

       "Don't needa do nothin'. She can handle herself. If he tries anythin’ with all these people 'round, he's gonna have lot more to deal with than just me."

       Carl looked at him with bewilderment, "But Beth's your wife. How're ya not…"

       He trailed off, but Daryl knew where he was going, "I trust her. Ain't 'nother person I trust more." Daryl saw shame coat Carl's features and he realized this wasn't about him and Beth at all, "Got somethin' else ya wanna talk 'bout?"

       Carl fidgeted with the long piece of wood he'd been shaping into a spear for Hilltop's gate defenses. Daryl could see how uncomfortable the question made him, so for once he decided to keep talking, "Ain't always been like that. Probably woulda beat the shit outta the guy before."

       "What makes it different now?"

       Daryl shrugged. "Used ta think Beth deserved better than sum redneck asshole. Ain't like that anymore. She made her choice and I'd be as much'a fuckin' idiot as this guy," he gestured to the all-American boy, who was still fawning over his wife, "if I questioned it. Ain't up ta me."

       Carl looked deep in thought when a spark of amusement lit up his face. Daryl turned his head to see Beth walking over. Her smile was bright and warm as she stopped to stand in front of him. He glanced behind her to see a dejected Owen, but a smirk warped his features as he watched her walk away. He leaned over to whisper to another guy Daryl never learned the name of, unsurprisingly.

       His leering gaze was actually starting to piss him off. He'd known pricks like him. They used to buy drugs off Merle for their dumb college parties. Never liked the look of them. Merle and him may have looked dangerous, but those type of guys were always snakes. He would’ve thought the world going to shit would’ve wiped most of them out. Guess he was wrong.

       Beth glanced to Daryl’s left, "Hi Carl." When she turned back to him, her smiled dropped and her eyebrows furrowed in agitation, "He still starin'?"

       Daryl checked around her shoulder, "Yup."

       "Asshole," she muttered under her breath. Daryl huffed out a laugh, their conversation last night playing over in his head again.

       A smile tugged on the corner of his lips, "Want me ta kill him?"

       Carl nearly growled, "Count me in."

       Amusement danced in Beth’s eyes as she looked between him and Carl. The agitation immediately falling from her face, but unfortunately it didn't last long. When Daryl checked back toward Owen, he saw he was walking back towards Beth.

       "Prick's comin' back for more," he grunted.

       Beth rolled her eyes as sarcasm dripped from her lips, "Ain't like I'm wearin' a weddin' ring." But something seemed to overcome her, because a wicked smile took over her face. And before he knew it, she leaned down and locked her lips with his. Her warm mouth moved against his like she wanted more. It was filled with a promise.

       He kissed her back contently, hand coming up to hold her jaw. When she pulled away, a disgruntled noise escaped him. She stared at him lovingly before finally sitting down next to him at the picnic table. He shook his head in amusement, "Ya usin' me now?" He was struck with Deja vu, reminded of when he did the same thing to ward off unwanted attention at the Kingdom.

       "Yup," she said brightly, "Don't say ya didn't enjoy it."

       Daryl looked up and locked eyes with Owen, who's face had fallen considerably. A satisfied tug went through his gut as he watched him rapidly look between them until his eyes narrowed in on Daryl. They were assessing and the slight curl of his lip told him enough about what he was thinking.

       He stood his crossbow up on the table, keeping his eyes locked on Owen, as he made a show of cocking it. He knew he looked lethal, unhinged. Someone like him didn't make sense even standing in a five-mile radius of someone like Beth. It used to bother him. More than bother him. He hated seeing his hands on her. Hated always being convinced she deserved better.

       Things were different now. So different. She was his wife and there was nothing that would rip him away from her. The looks no longer bothered him either. It was just like Glenn said. If they didn’t want to understand, he was perfectly fine with that. The only two people who needed to understand were him and Beth.

       Owen shrunk back and walked away, tail between his legs. Daryl sat his crossbow back down on the table, his attention returning to his bolts. The thing was getting old. He'd have to go looking for another one soon. His train of thought was interrupted when he felt Beth's lips caress his cheek. Her hand rested on his thigh and when he turned to look at her, she was glowing. Maybe, it was the afternoon sun perfectly placed behind her head. Or maybe it was just her, he wouldn't be surprised.

       A few days at Hilltop had done her good. He made a mental note to bring her more often. He knew Beth wouldn’t say, but she missed her sister and Glenn more than she let on. Now that Hershel was born, he’d make sure of it. The routes between the communities were clearer now and travel wasn’t as long. There was no excuse not to come. His wife needed her sister.

       "What's that for?" He grunted.

       "Nothin'. Absolutely nothin'," she replied, smile so wide her dimples popped out.

       "You guys are worse than my dad and Michonne," Carl feigned a gag, “And that’s sayin’ something.”

       Beth leaned over him to get closer to Carl, her scent hitting him square in the face, and he found himself wanting to haul her back to their room in the house. Beth loudly whispered, "Mika was lookin' for ya."

       Carl's face grew red and it looked like he was about to argue, but thought better of it, "Where's she?"

       "Last I saw her she was over by the stables," Beth replied with a knowing grin.

       He nodded and holstered his gun before walking away. At the last second, he threw over his shoulder, "I can feel your smug smile diggin' into my back."

       Beth giggled, muffling herself against his shoulder. Daryl was two seconds away from dragging his wife back into the house and keeping her there until dinner, but the implication behind the exchange made him curious, "I miss sumthin'?"

       She had pulled out her knives again, reaching for the sharpening stone, "Nothin' we didn't already know. Carl’s got a little crush on Mika. Although, crush is probably an understatement."

       Daryl set down his crossbow down a little harder than necessary, "What?"

       Beth raised an eyebrow at him, "Thought ya knew with the way they've always been joined at the hip..."

       He grunted, "Kid was over here talkin' 'bout jealousy. Thought he was talkin' 'bout Enid or someone his age. Not Mika. She's fifteen."

       "Yeah, and Carl's seventeen. They were raised together...been through hell together," Beth replied, a look of confusion on her face.

       A twisted feeling overtook his gut because he knew he was being unreasonable and irrational. He wanted to keep Mika safe and protected and that included from someone who could break her heart. Even as the thought crossed his mind, he knew it was utter bullshit, but the words kept coming, "She's too young."

       A look of recognition dawned on Beth face, confusion melting away into understanding. "We know Carl. He's done nothin', but protect and take care of her. Encouraged her to learn to protect herself. An' she takes care of him. Keeps him level headed," Beth reasoned, "Daryl. They're us."

       Realization crashed through him and his entire perspective shifted in an instance. A long time ago, he would have turned on himself for being with Beth when she was so much younger. Now, he saw what they had as sacred and untouchable. He thought back to everything those two had gone through and pinpointed all the similarities. There were too many to count.

       He grunted his agreement eventually. He still saw Mika as a kid and it was a hard shift to think otherwise, but she hadn't been a kid since she watched Tyreese die. Didn't mean he wouldn't beat the shit out of Carl if he ever treated her with anything but respect, however, he doubted that would happen. If what Beth was saying was true, they'd be attached for life. He just had to get used to it.

       Although, that wouldn’t stop him from having a talk with Carol.

       "She'll still need you," Beth said softly.

       His heart squeezed. It scared him how well Beth knew him. How well she could pull out the deep shit and figure out what the real problem was. All he could do was nod. He’d still get to teach her how to use the crossbow he’d scavenged for her a few runs ago. Still get to show her how to skin and cook a squirrel properly.

       It didn’t change anything.

       “Ya ever get tired’a bein’ right?” Daryl asked gruffly.

       “No,” Beth replied sweetly, “But just for admittin’ that…I have sumthin’ for you.”

       Daryl raised his eyebrows at her as she pulled out a black leather knife sheath wrapped in twine. It was beautiful and clearly handmade, but that wasn’t what made his heart clench. One small loop of leather was stitched on the outer edge of the pocket. And hanging from the loop was a piece of wood whittled into the shape of a ring. He ran his fingers over it, completely taken aback by the woman in front of him. He shouldn’t be surprised. She was the most caring and attentive person he knew.

       Before he could say anything, she said, “Sorry it took me so long…finally figured out what I wanted to give ya.”

       He had no words. Instead, he pulled her into a kiss, a grunt leaving him as their lips connected. Her hand held onto the wrist that was holding the side of her face. When he pulled away, he uttered the only words that made sense, “I love you.”

       “I love you, Daryl Dixon. Always will,” she whispered quietly so only he could hear.

       The gates of Hilltop groaned open, popping their serene bubble and they both turned to look. To his shock, Sasha and Abraham rushed in, clearly on alert. Daryl and Beth scrambled up, gathering their weapons, and ran towards them.

       “What happened?” His voice boomed across the distance, dread filling his gut.

       Sasha’s eyes were wide, “She took the kids.”

       Beth balked next to him, “What? What’d ya mean? Who took the kids?”

       “Judith, Gracie, Finch, Ava…all of them,” Sasha replied clearly shaken.

       Daryl’s heart dropped and he heard Beth’s sharp intake of breath. Abraham looked angry beyond belief as he said, “Woman came to our gates. Called herself Jocelyn. She was one’a Michonne’s friends back before the world went tits up. They’re already out there, but we need your trackin’ skills.”

       “We’re comin’,” Mika’s voice had Daryl spinning around to see her and Carl standing together. There was a look of pure horror on Mika’s face, but determination hardened it. Carl looked as angry as Abraham, but Daryl could see the overwhelming fear simmering underneath it all.

       “Nah, you’re stayin’,” he turned back to Abraham, leaving no room to argue, “Ya gotta trail?”

       “Bet your asses we do,” Abraham grunted.

       Daryl looked to Beth who nodded and said, “You’d get there faster on your own. Be careful an’ bring ‘em home.” Her voice was strong, but her eyes were swimming with panic. He knew she was replaying their conversation a couple nights ago in her mind.

       He’d make sure Alexandria’s kids were found. He’d scour the Earth. Comb every last hellhole left. It didn’t matter. He’d find them and he’d kill whoever took them. Daryl would keep their home safe for them and for any future kids that came around. Including his own.

Notes:

First things first, I don’t think Rick and Michonne would name their kid RJ if Rick never disappeared, but for continuity’s sake I kept the name RJ. I wanted to make sure everyone knew he was the same kid from the show. I digress lol.

On to our first Siddiq POV. It’s been a bit since I’ve done a character POV that wasn’t Beth or Daryl, so cheers to that. I absolutely adore his character (I think it’s safe to assume most of the fandom does). I think he was the perfect character to open the ~ 3-year time jump. Siddiq is a Muslim character, which is such cool representation, so I tried to make sure that’s still present in his character.

Baby Hershel is finally here and so is baby RJ! Everyone’s feeling safe, so time to repopulate lol. For reference, RJ is about 6 months old, Judith is 4, Carl is 17, Mika is 15, and Sam is 14 (the mental gymnastics I had to do to get this somewhat right…took me out lol). The other kids mentioned near the end of the chapter are Gracie (Aaron’s daughter), Finch (Dwight and Sherry’s son), and Ava (Amber and Mark’s daughter). There are more kids at Alexandria, but those are the main ones that were taken by Jocelyn.

Back to Beth and Daryl’s conversation. I absolutely love how this turned out. I’ve been building to this decision since like chapter 15 and we’re finally coming around to it. To be clear, I am not a fan of the “surprise pregnancy” trope, so I am trying to stay as far away from that as possible. I think Beth always wanted to be a mother and was just too scared to ever consider it until now.
The last scene between Carl and Daryl I have been wanting to write for a long time and I finally got to it. Carl is going through some possessiveness issues with Mika. This Carl is slightly different than the show. I wanted to keep some of the “teenage-ness” of his character instead of him hopping to “peace-loving Carl” too quickly, especially with how his eye was taken from him. It seemed more logical to have him work through a lot of anger than the latter. And I do want to make it clear nothing is happening between Mika and Carl, right now its just teenage angst and pining for each other lol.

And finally, Jocelyn is here…anyways, I can’t wait to hear what you all think. All the love <3

Chapter 52: Threads of Forgiveness

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I have an angsty, fluff filled chapter for you before we dive into the chaos of the Whisperers. If I am being honest, I'm still not sure how I feel about this chapter. There are parts I love about it and parts I still really don't like, but I wanted to get it out to you guys today regardless.

All the love to you all. I am so grateful for every single one of you :) Come chat with me in the comments <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       Blood pooled beneath his boots. Repulsed. That’s the feeling surging through his entire body. Daryl had never been repulsed by blood before, but he guessed it wasn’t really about the blood. Crimson droplets fell from his knife, adding to the pool at his feet.

 

       “Four entrances. Each take one. Clear the building first, then check the outbuildings,” Rick commanded. Daryl loaded his crossbow and nodded. Dwight, Mark, and Michonne all followed suit. A grim sense of reality settled over everyone as they split, marking their entrances.

 

       His ears rang as he stepped over bodies too small for him to even acknowledge if he didn’t want to fall to his knees. He stumbled his way out of the building full of only nightmares. The revulsion in his gut churned every time he blinked; images he’d never get rid of playing behind his eyelids. His boots were leaving bloody footprints in his wake, marking the path all the way back to the carnage.

 

       “I told you. Children are capable of anything. I taught them, helped them become what they are. Because they can’t be soft. Not now. Not like I was…” Jocelyn spit her reasoning at them, hiding behind her army of brainwashed kids. Daryl’s eyes scanned the ones standing in front of him, Rick, and Michonne.

       “Kill them,” Jocelyn commanded, “And get the others.” Four kids broke off from the group and made a break for the door on the other side of the hallway.

       “Jocelyn!” Michonne yelled going after her as the heavily armed kids and teenagers, by the looks of it, descended on him and Rick. The four kids that had broken off were at the end of the hall ushering Judith and the others out the door.

       Rick’s booming voice filled the building, “Judith!”. Daryl felt it in his bones. The fear, the rage.

 

       It had been too easy. Too easy to shut it off and do what needed to be done. He was walking somewhere, towards someone, and he wasn’t sure where, but eventually he stopped only feet away from Michonne. The sun was shining and it was a cloudless sky like it was mocking them. The same empty, broken look stared back at him. Her brown eyes reaching out to him because she knew he understood what they all had just done.

 

       “Don’t,” Daryl yelled, “Ain’t gotta do this.”

       But they were already too far gone. He saw the glint of a knife slash through the air before he looked to the person wielding it. Daryl grabbed his wrist and pushed him back. The kid was bigger than the others, but that only meant he’d be harder to convince. Or harder to kill.

       Dread wormed its way through him like acid, burning any bit of hope in its wake. It was too late. Jocelyn had manipulated her way into their minds. When his eyes scanned them, all he saw was bloodlust. Feral, untapped energy. They were in too deep and Daryl had no way out but one. And he had to get to his kids.

       Another kid, a girl, went for his legs with the pipe she was holding. He stepped back quick enough to avoid it. They all looked at each other and realized their strategy of coming at him one by one wasn’t going to work.

       Daryl got three more words out, broken even to his ears, “Don’t do this.”

       And then they descended. Too far gone.

 

       A high-pitched squeaking sound got his attention and his crossbow was up to his shoulder before he could comprehend having to kill another kid. An undeserving kid. The only body he took pleasure in seeing was Jocelyn’s, a gaping katana wound opened her from nape to sternum. It was the only bit of relief he felt. She couldn’t hurt anyone anymore.

       Daryl lined up his sights when Rick stepped out of an old beat-up trailer. Judith had her arms wrapped around his neck. The sight allowed Daryl to breathe again. Dwight and Mark followed holding Finch, Ava, and Gracie. They herded the rest of the children out into the open. Michonne ran for Judith, blood still covering her shirt and pants, “Judith.”

       Her voice trembled, tears breaking free from the brown eyes that were solemnly looking at him earlier. At Michonne’s voice, Judith turned her head, pushing her hair out of her eyes, “Mommy.”

       A breath wretched itself out of Daryl’s chest, his grip on his crossbow loosening. It fell to the ground at his side. Rick carefully passed Judith to Michonne; his own eyes glassy as he looked between his two girls. He leaned in to kiss them both on the crown of their heads. It felt too intimate of a moment for him to keep watching, so he looked to Dwight. He was holding his crying son in a death grip to his chest. Mark crouched in front of his daughter brushing something from her face. Gracie’s large eyes were looking around confused and Daryl’s heart broke.

       Michonne grabbed onto Gracie clearly sensing her distress just like he had. She pulled her into her embrace with Judith. Rick, Mark, and Dwight doing the same for the other kids. Michonne couldn’t replace Aaron, but her comfort would do until he got back from Oceanside.

       It was only when his eyes shifted back to Rick that he felt the weight of everything come crashing down on him. His head bowed and his shoulders sank. He couldn’t hide from the screams or his blade reluctantly slicing through children to get to get to his own. To protect his own.

       A young girl with blonde hair and blue eyes as clear as the sky above him had come at him with a harpoon. All he could think was she looked like she could’ve been Beth’s. He'd begged. Yelled for her to stop, but she kept coming. She got him in the thigh before he gave in and cut her down. He tried to make it quick and painless, knowing in his heart none of them deserved it. Her blood coated his hands.

       Daryl saw Rick’s boot stop in front of him and when he met his eyes, he saw blood splattered across his face too. And he knew they had both crossed the line to save their kids. His brother’s eyes were ripped open, bleeding blue. He didn’t see his hand come up towards his face until he felt a rag drag across his cheek and forehead. The material was scratchy and worn, but it cut through the numbness.

       Rick wiped away the blood, a wave a gratefulness washing over him. He was beginning to feel like it was sinking into his skin. Rick’s other hand clasped his shoulder like he was keeping him from bolting, because if anyone knew him, it was Rick. And that’s exactly what he felt like doing. Bolting. Disappearing into the woods until they swallowed him whole. He felt like reverting back to the person he was before the prison, before his family. Before Beth.

       His brother eventually caught his eye, his hand sliding from his shoulder to the back of his neck. He pulled him into a hug. Daryl subconsciously let his head fall to his shoulder as Rick’s other arm came around his back.

       The show of affection reminded him the reason why he did what he did without hesitation. Why Rick did the same. They killed to protect, so the others didn’t have to. He remembered Rick’s words all those years ago on the back porch of a suburban house in Georgia:

       So, we be who we gotta be to keep them safe. You good with that?

       It was a promise. One they still kept. Daryl never thought it would be kids. It was a line he never thought he’d cross, but for his own family there was no line. He knew Rick thought the same. And that’s why they were still standing.

       Rick gripped onto him, his affection a way of saying thank you. The hold he had on him was punishing, his grip locking him in tight, but he answered it with his own desperation. Daryl wasn’t just hugging his brother who he’d die for. He was holding on to his sanity. To his resolve. To his family. He was holding on with all the strength he had left.

           

       Daryl felt the muscle tissue give away as his knife sliced through her artery. She collapsed by his feet. Dead. There was a shuffle in front of him and his head whipped up to see the remaining two kids make a run for it.

       Good. He couldn’t do it anymore.

       His sanity was hanging on by a thread. Bodies littered the hallway and all he could think was: He’d pay for this, in blood, one way or another.

 

 

~

 

 

       It was a small comfort to see the joy and relief in the tears everyone shed as they walked back through the gates of Alexandria. All the ‘thank yous’ and ‘bless yous’ were a slap in the face. They threatened to flay him alive, because they didn’t know what they were actually thanking him for. He had cut down children.

       If they had known, he was sure they’d be looking at him wondering how the world fucked him up so badly. And he’d be stuck knowing he was like this before the dead started walking. It was grating and he couldn’t take it.

       So, he disappeared. He slipped away while Sherry held Finch’s face in her hands. While Amber wept into Ava’s hair. While Gabriel and Rosita gushed over Judith and Gracie. Daryl slipped away through the streets and towards home.

       He wandered aimlessly. He needed to breath. Needed to get away from the suffocating gratitude. He needed Beth. His heart jumped into his throat just thinking about her. Daryl knew she’d see what he did as necessary. Knew she wouldn’t look at him with gratitude. She’d understand the conflict raging inside him.

       Daryl stopped and realized he’d been wondering the perimeter of the wall for a lot longer than he thought. The afternoon sun was still simmering in the sky, baking his skin. He could still vaguely hear people milling about as he found his way towards home again, trying to figure out how long had past, but he gave up as he climbed the porch stairs.

       He opened the door and gravitated towards the living room. When he got a good look at the room, warmth filled the ice-cold emptiness he’d been walking around with since this morning. And he slumped down on the floor, leaning up against the couch. His clothes were still covered in blood.

       Judith was asleep sprawled across Rick's chest. Michonne's head was laying on his lap, her hand resting on her daughter's back even as she slept. They'd dragged RJ's crib down to the living room like the old days when they'd just gotten to Alexandria and no one wanted to sleep in separate rooms. The kid was sleeping soundlessly for once. And Rick was awake watching over them all, a protector in every sense of the word.

       A wild look was still at the edges of Rick’s eyes. Daryl knew because he felt the same. Restless like he couldn’t find any comfort in his own skin and sitting only made it worse, but Daryl was content to stay in the living room and watch the four of them. In fact, he couldn't pull his eyes away. As his gaze bounced between them, a nagging question pierced through his mind.

       Rick caught is stare and his eyebrows furrowed in question. Knew him too well. It was infuriating sometimes. His questioning look made his fears tumble out of his mouth, knowing all too well he couldn't hide from his brother, "Beth wants a kid." His voice was quiet, barely above a whisper, but Rick seemed to hear it regardless.

       Daryl watched the other man buffer, his face going through a handful of emotions before settling. He tilted his head and asked, "Do you?"

       He let out a long breath, "Thought I did, then—"

       "Then, today happened," Rick finished.

       He nodded and looked between him and Judith, "How'd you do it?"

       A grave look overtook Rick’s face and Daryl was preparing himself for the worst, but then his face softened considerably as he looked at his son and daughter. "Not gonna say it's a walk in the park, but all the bad. The pain. The fear. It's worth it. The good outweighs it all."

       Daryl listened, letting his words sink in as Rick continued, "It was a bad day, but I still sleep at night knowin' there’re people willin' to risk their lives for them. I can sleep knowin' Michonne's here. That Carl's here. You. Beth. Carol. Rosita. Abraham. Gabriel. Sasha. All'a you. They got a family willin' to die for them. Whatever kid you an' Beth might have, it'll be just the same. They'd have a whole community behind 'em."

       Daryl let his head fall back to the couch, his conversation with Beth playing over in his head. He wanted to give her a baby. Hell, he wanted a family with her too. He wanted it more than he cared to admit. But how could he still want that knowing what he'd done today?

       Rick must have seen the turmoil on his face because he said, "Can't keep the world from them, but ya can prepare 'em to survive. They're born fighters. Come out kickin' an' screamin' into the world. They'll be better than us. We stumbled through mistake after mistake so they don't have to. And we make the new world into somethin’ better. For them."

 

~

 

       Daryl found himself inside an outcrop of trees having let the restlessness win. He took a mental note that he was west of Alexandria’s walls. He was about to slump against a tree when he heard the snap of a twig behind him. He whipped around, crossbow at his shoulder. A figure emerged from the woods and he dropped his weapon to his side, a long breath leaving through his nose.

       “You’re pretty silent for’a one-legged priest,” Daryl grunted. He noted the machete hanging by his side.

       Gabriel smiled, clearly amused by his half-hearted jab, even if he himself was anything but. If he couldn’t have Beth, he wanted to be alone and away from prying eyes wondering what the story was. Away from Rick’s knowing gaze that saw right through him. Gabriel was looking at him like he could see into his soul too and he almost sighed in exasperation. It unnerved him, but for some reason he stayed put.

       “I come out here sometimes for quiet. To talk,” he gestured towards the sky above him. Daryl nodded. At one point, he probably would’ve rolled his eyes, but not anymore. Whatever got people to keep going was none of his business and frankly, if it got them up in the morning, who was he to judge. Gabriel continued, “To ask for forgiveness, protection for our home, safety for our people.”

       Daryl nodded, his eyes falling to the ground where he saw blood still covering his hands, “Ya think I need’a ask for forgiveness?” He wasn’t sure where the question came from, but it was out of his mouth before he could stop it. Memories of children, blood, and screaming filled his head. Yes. He should be begging on his knees for forgiveness.

       Gabriel hummed and shrugged, “That’s not for me to know, but I’m happy to listen.”

       “Ain’t doin’ a confession,” Daryl grunted.

       He shook his head, “I’m here as a friend. Nothing more.”

       “Hm,” he grunted. His response vibrated through his chest and echoed in his head A silence fell between them, one Gabriel seemed fine with not filling. That only stoked the flames in his head as he tried to push away the image of the blonde girl he killed. His fingers twitched at his side, trying to wipe the blood from his hands onto his pants, but it was too caked on.

       And then Daryl spoke, trying to get away from the onslaught of memories, but what came out wasn’t what he expected. “Someone be forgiven if they don’t feel guilty?”

       Gabriel hummed, “Are you asking the priest or your friend?”

       Daryl narrowed his eyes at him, “Ain’t they one in the same?”

       “Usually,” he confirmed with a grin. His head turned up to the sky above them, “Evil people aren’t the exception to the rule. They are the rule. And we must answer accordingly.”

       He scanned the woods around them for any stray walkers as he answered, “What’s that gotta do with anythin’?”

       “I believe you answered accordingly,” Gabriel said with conviction, “Feeling guilty implies an offense or crime of some sort. How I see it is we have six healthy children in Alexandria because of what you and Rick did. Michonne too. I’m not sure guilt is necessary. But you feel guilty about something or you wouldn’t be talking to me about it at all. Maybe you don’t even know yourself yet.”

       It was true. Guilt was gnawing at him, but Gabriel was wrong. He knew exactly why.

 

 

~

 

 

       “Rosita!” Beth scrambled out of the car hastily, leaving the ignition running at the gates of Alexandria.

       As Rosita started jogging towards her, coming from the right, she yelled, “They’re alright! They’re back.”

       Carl came up behind her, Mika not far behind, “My sister?”

       Rosita nodded, “She’s alright. With your dad and Michonne. They’re all alright.” She reiterated. She turned to look at Beth and added, “Daryl too.”

       A breath swooshed out of her chest. Mika stood next to Carl, her arm brushing his, “Are they at the house?”

       Readjusting her gun, Rosita nodded. Beth heard the telltale thumping of boots jogging down the street and she turned to see Mika and Carl rushing towards the house. Beth reached out and squeezed the woman’s hand, hoping to convey her thanks. She squeezed back, “How’s Maggie? Her baby?”

       “They’re both good. She had a boy. Hershel,” Beth smiled, relaying the good news.

       A sigh of relief left Rosita, “Good.” She nodded towards the house, “Go. Judith’s waiting for you.”

       Beth didn’t wait another second. She ran towards her home, eager to see the truth with her own eyes. As she whipped around the corner, she found the front door still ajar, undoubtedly from Carl and Mika. Beth climbed the steps two at a time and rushed through the door, careful to close it behind her. Familiar voices floated towards her from the living room and she followed them.

       She saw Michonne first. She was holding RJ in her arms, Carl and Mika crowded around her. Rick was looking at his family, awe and gratefulness converging on his face. Judith was stood between Rick’s legs and when she saw Beth, she ran to her with her arms outstretched, “Mama Beth.”

       Beth didn’t wait a second to scoop her up into her arms, “Judy, it’s so good to see ya.” She crushed the girl into her arms. Her eyes caught on Rick’s over Judith’s shoulder, “Is everyone alright?” She knew the answer, but she needed to hear it from him.

       Rick’s face contorted into a grim expression and Beth realized how bad the situation must have been. Michonne turned at the sound of her voice, “We’re good, but I should have known…None of this should have happened.”

       “Hey. It’s over. And we’re fine,” Rick stated firmly, eyeing Michonne.

       Beth glanced around the room a sick feeling turning her stomach, “Where’s Daryl?”

       “He left. Not sure where, but…I think ya should talk to him,” Rick responded, a dark look overtaking his face.

       Before she could even begin to wonder where he had gone, a knock thumped on the front door. Beth was closest so she answered it. Gabriel stood on the porch, machete in hand. Her own hand went to reach for her knives on instinct.

       But when Gabriel smiled, she relaxed somewhat, “I think someone’s waiting for you.”

 

 

~

 

 

       Beth followed Gabriel’s verbal directions, circling around the outskirts of Alexandria’s walls until she was vaguely headed west. It took about five minutes before she saw the fallen tree Gabriel mentioned and another five when she saw the small clearing. She felt Daryl before she saw him and then she smelled it, the telltale tinge of cigarette smoke. She stepped into the thicket of trees, revealing herself.

       His eyes snapped to her and she saw him reach for his knife in the new leather sheath she just gave him. He relaxed considerably when he realized it was her, but the moment only lasted a second as he tensed up again. She scanned for injuries. He was covered in blood and she saw an open slash on the outside of his thigh, which didn’t look to be bleeding anymore, but her fingers itched to clean and stitch it up. Her heart sunk knowing he was teetering on the edge. How could he not after what Rick told her they had to do?

       Fireflies were starting to appear with the croaking of frogs all around them. She approached him like a spooked animal and whispered to try and sooth, “I’m so sorry.”

       Daryl scoffed and the sound catapulted her back to a time when they used to yell and lash out at each other instead of talk. He tossed his cigarette under his boot and grinded it into the ground. His forearms were draped over his bent-up knees, seemingly relaxed, but Beth knew better. He tilted his head up towards her, “I’d do it again.”

        The way he said it sounded hard and bitter, but his eyes were swimming with everything he couldn’t admit. She walked closer, “I know. That’s what’s killin’ you.”

       His eyes narrowed as she closed the distance and sat down in front of him. Eventually, his head fell back and thumped against the tree he was leaning against. She nearly winced at how hard he hit it. His eyes squeezed shut like he was trying to keeping the world away.

       “Someone’s always gonna want what we got.”

       She heard the implication underneath his drained tone: There’s always going to be another threat. More people to kill. To guard against. And he was tired. She was tired. They all were. It had been three years since the Savior war. Since Negan. And they were all still recovering. The Sanctuary had long since disbanded. The people there either chose to integrate into one of the other communities or they left. Some of the more unruly Saviors were exiled, but mostly, everyone was tired of fighting.

       Beth let her fingers dig into the Earth underneath her, “I know.” She didn’t know what else to say. She couldn’t lie to him and tell him everything was going to be all right, because there would always be another threat.

       “Look at what I was willin’ ta do. What someone else was willin’ to do. They were kids…”

       Her heart dropped, a sensation unlike disappointment filled her. Not disappointment in Daryl, but disappointment at the loss of the future they had just happily agreed to together. She saw him questioning the choice they’d made, the family they could have.

       And the thing was, she understood and she couldn’t fault him for it. So, even as the tears started to burn her eyes, she nodded. She willed them away, not wanting to make Daryl feel any worse than he already did.

       “Beth…” he said brokenly and she knew from his tone he caught the tears she was trying to cover up.

       She shook her head at him, blinking rapidly, “It’s alright. Really. It is. We’ll be alright.”

       Even to her own ears it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than him and she winced inwardly. Of all the things she wanted, she never wanted to make him feel bad. Not about this. She understood.

       Daryl’s voice was thick as it rumbled in the empty space between them, “After what happened…what I did, ya still wanna have a kid with me?”

       Beth’s head whipped up towards him, her face falling in confusion. She thought this was about him not feeling like he could protect their baby, not about how she felt about what he did. And everything clicked into place. This was about who he was.

       “Of course I do. It’s ‘cause’a what ya did that I…” She trailed off, but when she looked at Daryl again, she realized he needed to hear it, “I know you’re tired’a fightin’. What ya did…you saved Judith. Gracie. Finch. Ava. They’re not your kids, but they are. You protect ‘em and love them like they are. All I see is how you’d be with a child that was yours. You’d do anythin’, be anyone to keep them safe. Just like ya do with me. Like I do with you. None’a that’s changed. The world hasn’t changed. This was just a reminder of what it is now. We keep goin’ ‘cause we have to. ‘Cause got people to live for.”

       Daryl leaned forward his hand sliding underneath her hair to grip the back of her neck. His other thumb wiping away the stray tears she hadn’t noticed had fallen down her cheeks. His piercing stare was simmering, locking her in place as her chest heaved with every breath. The air between them was heavy until Daryl broke the silence, “I’m scared.”

       The real truth was loud and it hurt. Ain’t afraid’a nothin’. The sharp contrast between the Daryl she’d known at the shack and the one sitting in front of her now was astounding. They both had grown so much.

       Beth settled her hand on his jaw, running her thumb over his cheekbone, “I’m scared too.” She let her truth hang in the air, letting it sink in before continuing, “But I’m more tired’a bein’ afraid than I am of fightin’.”

       Daryl leaned his head against hers. The space between them closing until their lips were barely touching. Flutters filled her stomach at the slightest of contact. And he nodded against her, breathing out a shaky, “Alright.”

       Beth pulled away slightly so she could see him better, but he wouldn’t let her go far, his hand tensing on the back of her neck. Daryl’s eyes were alight, even though she could still sense the darkness haunting him from the things he had to do today. But the hardness was gone and replaced by resolve. She repeated her same question from a couple nights ago, “Yeah?”

       She needed confirmation. Needed to know he wasn’t just doing this because she couldn’t keep her tears to herself. He nodded again, “Yeah. Just give me time.” And he pulled her into him, his lips soothing the ache in her heart. He kissed her like it was his only way to breath.

       When they pulled away, she said, “Come on. Needa look at that leg.”

 

~

 

       “Fuck, Beth. Fuck,” Daryl groaned in the back of his throat.

       “Sorry,” she muttered, wincing as if his pain was her own. “I’m almost done.”

       The bathroom was lit with the warm light of the lamp. It’s flame flickering behind the glass. She hadn’t realized how deep the wound was until after he’d washed away all the dirt and blood. It required more thorough stitching, which basically just meant more stitches. More times she had to thread the needle through his skin. Beth bit into her lower lip hard as she wove in the last one and a sigh of relief left them both when she started to tie it off.

       She got up and disposed of the bloody pieces of cloth she used to soak up his blood. And she slumped to the floor next to his chair, her head falling to rest near his hip. She could hear him still breathing heavily, but she felt his hand rest on her head. His fingers brushed through her hair, running along her scalp like he was comforting her. She nearly scoffed. She should be the one comforting him, but the noise that came out of her sounded closer to a whimper than anything else.

       Daryl answered with a groan. Her head whipped up to look at him, afraid she had somehow hurt him. When she looked at him, she saw the opposite of pain. His blue eyes were wild and alive as he stared down at her.

       Her eyes were wide in anticipation as she stared back at him. A growl buried itself in the back of his throat, his eyes closing for a second too long, “Fuck, Beth. You’re so fuckin’ beautiful, ya know that?”

       A blush rose to her cheeks and her lips parted in awe and surprise. She was taken aback, completely knocked off kilter. She’d just finished stitching him up and she couldn’t seem to follow the trajectory his mind went to get from one to the other. Her heart started to race.

       “I’m…I— What?” Beth stuttered out, unsure how he was still able to render her speechless. “I just stuck ya with a needle for half an hour,” she said, incredulously.

       He huffed out a laugh and Beth was seriously starting to wonder if he was just delirious from the pain, but Daryl knew pain and this barely scratched the surface of the things he’d been through. The scars on his back and the one near his collarbone were evidence enough.

       Daryl stood up, pulling her with him. The amusement in his eyes turning to something more serious as his eyebrows furrowed slightly, “You’re so good, Beth.” She sucked in a breath, her eyes falling shut as his words sent a shiver up her spine. “You remind me there’s still good. ‘Cause it’s standin’ right in front’a me.”

       Beth couldn’t take it. Couldn’t take how much she loved him. Couldn’t breathe or think from the weight of it. Daryl wasn’t a man of many words, but he had become more vocal as the years went on and as she resurfaced from her grief after Negan. He became more vocal because she liked it. His voice grounded her and held her in a warm embrace. His voice was home to her, but even so, he still stole her breath away when he talked like this.

       “I’m good ‘cause you’re here. You’re my home, Daryl.”

Notes:

As I said above, there are parts of this chapter I really like and those include all the Rick and Daryl bits. I've been missing their relationship a lot and I loved how all of their scenes turned out in this chapter.

So, as you all can tell, Jocelyn is not a big part of this story, mainly because with Rick and everyone that's still alive, taking her down was a lot easier. I can't remember why only Michonne and Daryl went after her in the show, but I figured Rick, Mark, and Dwight wouldn't sit by and just wait for someone else to find their children.

This chapter is less focused on Jocelyn as a villain and more on the impact of what happened and how it affects Daryl. In the show, the impact is mainly focused on Michonne (which of course makes sense), but I wanted to explore how killing children (even in defense) would affect Daryl. If Rick hadn't been there, I am 100% sure Daryl would have pulled away far more and more similarly to how he did in the show. But since he has his brother, Michonne, and Beth, it's a lot easier for him to bounce back.

The scene between him and Gabriel is really interesting. I'm not sure it fits in this chapter, but I knew if I took it out it wouldn't fit anywhere else in the story. So, I kept it in against my better judgement because I liked it as a standalone scene between two interesting characters. Plus I got to work in one of Gabriel's famous quotes. It's also gives more insight into Daryl not feeling guilty for what he did. He hates that he had to do it and it will haunt him, but he would do it again to save his family.

The last two scenes with Beth were fluff filled and super sweet. I wanted to give you all those scenes before we dive into the Whisperer's arc. It also shows the development of these two characters over the three years. They communicate so efficiently and openly with each other now. We are at the point in this story where Daryl's character is sort of diverging from the show somewhat. I still try to write his character authentically, but he's more open now than in the show because of the years he's been with Beth.

Anyways, all the love and as always I can't wait to hear your thoughts in the comments <3 See you next week!

Chapter 53: Nature's Intent

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Welcome to the 2nd time jump chapter to get us to where we were in the show in 9x06. I have a fun one for you guys :)

Please excuse any glaringly obvious grammatical issues/spelling errors. I didn't have much time to edit this chapter before getting it out. I'll be going back through it and editing a bit later, but for now, one round of editing (*skimming*) will have to do.

As always, thank you guys so much for the love this story has gotten! Come chat with me in the comments <3 I can't wait to hear what you guys think of this chapter...

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       “Oh God,” Beth groaned and quickly averted her eyes. She hastily threw out a, “Sorry!”

       A resulting chuckle followed her out of the room, but she was too busy to acknowledge it as she tried to wipe the image of Rick’s head buried between Michonne’s thighs from her mind. It wasn’t as hard as she thought because even as the image sunk in, it warped and was replaced. Instead of Rick and Michonne, it was Daryl buried between her thighs.

       Beth grew hot at the memory, a blush breaking out onto her cheeks, as she waited in the hallway for Rick and Michonne to become decent. The memory pierced through her morning fogginess and woke her up instantly. It was so vivid Beth swore she could feel him, his tongue, his scruff on her thighs, his lips, his calloused fingers.

       Now, she was cursing Rick and Michonne for an entirely different reason. She had wondered if her hunger for him would ever wane, it had been years after all, but her mounting desire for Daryl had only grown. And she stopped trying to contain it a long time ago. He taught her so many things she hadn’t even known about herself. And in turn she did the same for him.

       She twisted her ring around her finger, a soft smile overtaking her face. It was scratched and a little bit dented after all these years, but she loved it because Daryl had made it for her. It was a little part of him she got to carry around.

       “Beth. They comin’ or what?” Daryl called from downstairs. His voice sent shivers down her spine and filled her with a deep ache she’d prefer not to ignore, but it would have to wait. She heard his boots begin thudding up the stairs towards her. She may or may not have avoided answering him just so she could get him up here.

       He appeared on the landing, his piercing blue eyes seeking her out immediately like they were drawn to her on instinct just like hers were. Her heartbeat accelerated as he stalked towards her, but he stopped short when he recognized the look on her face.

       His eyes closed briefly as his rough voice cascaded over her, “Girl…” It sounded like a warning. Daryl knew exactly what she was thinking because he could read her like no one else could. He knew her mind, her body, her soul. Sometimes better than she knew them herself.

       Just as she stepped forward into his space, the door right next to her opened revealing a fully clothed Rick and Michonne. Thank God. It sounded like Daryl nearly growled at the intrusion, but Beth just smiled and turned towards the two she’d just accidently barged in on. Neither one of them looked even remotely ashamed of getting caught.

       Rick’s eyebrows raised slightly as he looked between her and Daryl and their proximity. A small smirk grew on his face, figuring out exactly what had almost just happened. Beth could feel Daryl’s heated gaze on the side of her face, like he was still debating whether or not to just throw her over his shoulder and haul her to their room. Michonne had the same all-knowing smirk on her face. These two were made for each other.

       Beth cleared her throat and Daryl took a step back as he headed towards the stairs, “Jude wants to come out an’ check the traps with us. Just wanted ta clear it with ya’ll first.”

       Rick nodded, “Carl goin’ too?” She knew he wasn’t asking because he was worried about leaving Judith with them. He was just genuinely curious. Carl was protective over Judith and RJ. He was a good big brother, always dividing his attention equally when he wasn’t busy.

       “Nah, he’s workin’ with Abraham an’ Sasha out front,” Beth replied.

       Michonne maneuvered her katana over her shoulder, “Clearing?”

       “Yup.”

       Daryl started down the stairs, “Come on. Gonna be noon ‘fore we even get outta here.” There was a slight tinge of frustration in his voice and she knew damn well it wasn’t because they hadn’t left earlier.

       Rick shouted, so Daryl could still hear him downstairs, “We ruin your fun?” Beth shook her head at the jest, amused. Maybe she should have been a little perturbed at being called out, but she was more entertained than anything.

       “Fuck you,” Daryl’s deep voice called back without missing a beat.

       Before anyone could reply, they heard a strong, high pitched voice downstairs reprimand, “Language. I’m a kid.”

       Beth hid her laugh and started down the stairs, “You tell him, Jude.”

 

~

 

       Her heart raced inside her chest, acid from her panic swirling in her gut. The gunshots still rang in her head, playing over and over again like they were on a recorder. She yelled out again, “Judith!”

       “Jude!” Laura yelled.

       They all jogged ahead towards where they thought they heard the gunshots. Aaron bellowed into the woods, “Judith!”

       Daryl was at the front of the pack, his crossbow up. His whole body was tense and she knew he was panicking as much as everyone else. Eugene had a doe slung over his shoulders, his braided hair swung back and forth across his back as he stalked through the woods after Daryl.

       Laura and Beth had their bows out and strung, ready to loose their arrows at any second. Rosita and Aaron were at the ready with their knives, tension marring both their faces.

       Finally, after what felt like a century, Judith’s voice pierced through the woods, “I’m here!”

       Beth immediately took off towards her voice, not caring whether or not she was being quiet. She trusted Judith. If she felt safe enough to call out, that either meant she dealt with the threat herself or she was far enough away from it to call for help. When Beth saw the brown sheriff’s hat through the trees, she breathed out a sigh of relief.

       She closed the distance, her hands going to her face to check for any injuries. Aaron knelt down in front of her, clearly out of breath and scared like the rest of them, “Are you okay?”

      Daryl’s hand fell to her shoulder, like he was checking she was actually there while still keeping his eyes on the trees. And a rush of breath left her, but just as the relief came, it disappeared as Beth raised her bow and took aim at the five people stumbling through the woods behind Judith. They looked exhausted and half dead, but that didn’t mean anything anymore.

       Aaron stood quickly as Daryl pushed Judith behind him, affectively shielding her from harm. Judith hurried out an explanation, “I heard them calling. They needed our help.”

       The people were gasping for breath. One of them collapsing right in front of her. The man spoke up between heaving in a lung full of air, “We were…overrun by sickos. We—We owe our lives to Ms. Grimes here. Thought we outran them, but they just kept coming. Kept finding us until they cut us off. Never seen anything like it.”

       Judith grabbed Aaron’s canteen off his shoulder, “They still need out help.” She set it down in front of the woman who had collapsed to her knees. Beth lowered her bow and threw it around her shoulder. The five of them were clearly in no shape to attack them. Rosita and Laura seemed to make the same determination. Aaron and Daryl weren’t quite convinced.

      The man leaning against the tree gestured towards the doe slung over Eugene’s shoulders, “Hey, uh, I dabbled in the culinary arts once upon a time ago—”

      “Luke,” one of the others tried interrupting.

      “And with a little bit of help, I can whip that buck into a mighty fine osso buco.”

       Beth smiled, but as her eyes scanned the rest of them, she saw the woman on the ground was bleeding pretty heavily from her head, a torn piece of cloth tied around it. Beth dropped to her knees next to her to access the damage, “Ya got a pretty nasty head wound.”

       She said it more to herself than anything, but the woman with wavy brown hair looked down at her with apprehension like she couldn’t trust her. Her eyes darted between Beth and the other woman in her group, before she said, “There more of you?”

       Judith answered, “Way more, with walls, and—”

       “Judith.”

       “Jude.”

       Daryl and Aaron, both interrupted her, still eyeing the new people with reservation and distrust. Daryl had yet to lower his crossbow. Beth noticed one of the people in the back using sign language to communicate with another woman with dark curly hair. Beth scanned the group and listened. She listened to her gut, listened to Judith’s gut. Daryl and Aaron had a right to be suspicious. In fact, they should be.

       Growls emanated through the trees. Whatever horde of walkers they were fleeing from seemed to have followed them. The deaf woman noticed and was gesturing towards the person next to her that could only be her sister, who exclaimed, “Incoming!”

       Beth had about two seconds to decide what to do. She was still kneeling next to the woman with the head injury and she quickly lifted the canteen to her mouth and said, “Drink the rest of it.”

       She got to her feet as she heard the swoosh of Daryl’s crossbow bolt flying through the air and the resulting thud of it hitting its target. Beth walked through the new group to get to the few walkers ambling towards them. She already felt protective of them knowing they were running on fumes. She joined Daryl’s side and closed the distance with a walker.

        Since the walker was a lot taller than her, she swung her knife up and pushed it as far as it would go into the underside of the jaw. The walker slumped and she used her boot to push it away and simultaneously yank out her knife. Daryl pulling out his bolt from the forehead of the walker he just dropped, when another approached him from his opposite side. Before she could do anything, he rose, grabbing it by the neck, and plunging the bolt in his hand through the walker’s eye.

       He threw the body down haphazardly. In her peripherals, she saw Eugene drive his knife into the temple of another walker. Beth scanned the surrounding area and didn’t see anymore causing them immediate danger, but she could still hear the symphony of moans and growls coming towards them.

       Laura seemed to draw the same conclusion, “There’s more on the way. We gotta get outta here.”

       Beth rejoined the group, going to Judith immediately. The girl looked up at her with determination in her eyes, her katana strapped to her back and a gun holstered at her hip. “They need food and water and medicine.”

       She smiled down at her, “You’re right.”

        Aaron looked torn, but when no one else objected he nodded curtly, “Come on.”

        The man chuckled in relief, “Yeah?” The group started gathering their stuff and helping the injured woman up from the ground. When Beth turned to look at Daryl, he was already watching her. From the outside, he looked like he was scowling, but she could tell he trusted Judith’s decision. Her decision. He was tense and on edge, as he should be, but his slight nod told her he agreed.

        Beth held out her hand for Judith to take and she grabbed on immediately. Her little hand was just as sweaty as hers from all the running and defending. They all hurried back to their carriage. Eugene carrying part of Alexandria’s dinner on his shoulders. Daryl stayed a step behind her and Judith, protecting their backs from the herd moving slowly towards them.

 

 

       The carriage wasn’t far. They made it there in no time. Rosita and Laura quickly untied the two horses. They snorted and stamped their feet, clearly sensing something was amiss. Her daddy always talked about how animals could pick up on emotions so easily. They felt fear and panic and happiness. They drew from it. Not to mention, animals had a built-in intuition humans didn’t.

       As they quickly loaded everyone up, Daryl and Aaron pulled out five burlap bags. Some were already empty. Some were holding wild mushrooms and other edible plants, even seeds. They emptied them with a word, but Beth knew exactly what they were for. It was necessary.

       The five new people were watching skeptically, so Beth explained, “It’s just a precaution. We’ve been through too much to trust blindly.”

       Judith was seated next to her in the carriage, watching over the new people curiously when she asked, “What’re your names?”

       “Oh, yeah, guess with the sickos laying chase, we forgot our manners. I’m Luke,” he gestured towards the woman Beth assumed was deaf, “This is Connie. Kelly, her sister. And our friend over here with the head wound is Yumiko. And that’s Magna.”

       Beth smiled at them warmly, trying her best to put them at ease before they shoved their heads into burlap sacks, “I’m Beth. Guess ya already met Judith. That’s my husband, Daryl. Aaron, Rosita, and Eugene and Laura are our drivers for today. Although, we banned Eugene from drivin’. So, don’t know how that happened.” She tried to add some levity to the already tense situation.

       Eugene piped up from the front, “It was a single incident. A minimal one. Navigation-wise, at least. However, I will not be responsible for the chosen route and resulting travails and vagaries of our journey.”

       Beth rolled her eyes, “May not’a planned the route, Eugene, but you know damn well ya got us good and lost. Or are ya sayin’ you forgot you drove us into a ravine?”

       Eugene grumbled something under his breath she couldn’t hear, but she grinned regardless. The memory was a sweet one. Although, they had all gotten pretty banged up on that run, she thought back on it fondly. It cemented her friendship with Eugene.

       Luke spoke up, filling the void and seeming more at ease, “It’s nice meeting you folks. Wasn’t sure how much longer we were gonna last…” He trailed off when Magna gave him a withering look.

       Yumiko didn’t look like she was doing too well. She’d gotten a lot paler since they’d made it to the carriage. As she thought about it, the carriage hit a pothole in the road and dipped slightly, jostling everyone.

       Daryl and Aaron were about to put the burlap bags over their heads, when Judith rushed out, “Wait. Can I ask ‘em first?” She looked up expectantly at her, Daryl, and Aaron.

       Beth saw the corner of Daryl’s lip upturn slightly, only enough for Beth to notice. She turned back to Judith and subconsciously brushed her long hair back over her shoulder, “Yeah. Go ‘head.”

       Judith’s big blue eyes seemed to light up knowing Beth and the other adults in the carriage trusted her. How could they not? Judith was smarter than a lot of adults. Too wise for her own good.

        “How many walkers have you killed?” Judith asked.

       The group’s faces fell in confusion, as Kelly translated to Connie hers did the same. Unsurprisingly, Luke was the first to answer, “Too many to count. Could probably say that for—”

       “What does it matter anymore?” Magna asked, clearly suspicious and slightly irritated.

       Before anyone could answer, Kelly jumped in, “Luke’s right. Has to be hundreds by now.”

       Daryl was eyeing Magna, watching her like she was going to suddenly lash out and start attacking. Judith continued, undeterred by Magna’s questioning, “How many people have you killed?”

       This question always caused a tense silence to fall over anyone on the receiving end. It was a hard one to answer. Most of the time people made the assumption that the only reason they asked was because they wanted it to be a low number or none at all. It wasn’t true. It had nothing to do with it. In fact, the second question in the series was probably the least important of them all.

       Magna was the one who answered this time, still agitated, which Beth didn’t blame her, “Enough.”

       Daryl shifted, clearly taking her tone as a threat, but there was a solemn look on Luke’s face as he scrambled to make up for Magna’s thinly-veiled threat, “We did what we had to, when we had to.”

       Judith continued with the last question, her sing-song voice lacking all judgment, “Why?”

       Magna’s anger seemed to melt away and was replaced by something close to surprise. Luke and Kelly were a lot easier to read, so she focused on them, but when Connie started to sign, she turned her attention to her.

       Kelly watched her sister and then translated, “She said: We’re still standing because we sacrificed for each other. We looked out for each other. And we never let anyone get left behind.”

       Luke nodded, “If we killed, it was because we had to.”

 

~

 

       Beth and Aaron carefully removed the bags from over their heads, revealing the rusting, but sturdy walls of Alexandria. Yumiko was still in the carriage, too discombobulated to stand anymore. The group all looked around wearily, some of them eyeing the peeling “Welcome to Alexandria” sign. Beth considered painting a new one, but hadn’t gotten around to it quite yet.

       Rosita uttered a, “Come on” as the large metal gate screeched open, revealing Dwight and Carl on the other side. Luke, Connie, and Kelly started following them towards the gate, but when they realized Magna wasn’t following suit, they paused.

       Connie signed something to them all and Kelly responded, “Can’t be worse than Jones Springs.”

        “Just like Jones Springs couldn’t be worse than Coalport,” Magna responded.

        “Oh, God,” Luke sighed, “Coalport was a fossilized city of shit.”

       Beth didn’t want to intervene on their decision. No one would make them come into Alexandria if they didn’t want to, but Yumiko needed medical attention and soon. She was sure Siddiq and Denise could help her. Beth was debating whether to say anything, when Judith walked towards Magna, clearly seeing she was the most hesitant of them all.

       “You’ll be safe here. I promise,” Judith said, holding out her hand to Magna.

       Beth’s eyes shot across the road to Daryl and he was watching the situation unfold. His face was a lot softer as he watched Judith put out her hand. And there was a hint of amusement as his eyes darted to Magna, who looked around like she was at a loss.

        So much love and pride exploded in Beth’s chest for this little girl she’d known since she was born. She was so strong and brave and she wasn’t sure she could love her more. It was like she was staring at her own child and no one could ever take that from her.

       The eggshells everyone seemed to be walking on disappeared as some of the tension left Magna’s shoulders and she placed her hand into Judith’s. Without hesitation, Judith led her and the rest of the group into Alexandria.

      “Holy shit,” Luke softly exclaimed in wonder as he looked around their home.

       Judith smiled, “This is Alexandria. This is home.”

       Beth’s heart soared and settled being back in the safety of her own home. The home that had been forged from blood and sacrifice. People milled about, some turning to look at the newcomers, some too busy to even notice, but Alexandria was bustling. The windmill stood proudly to their left. The town hall, their crops, their stables, the lake. Everything and everyone worked in perfect synchronicity to keep their community going. To make sure it thrived.

       Beth breathed a sigh of relief, when she heard a high-pitched, “Hi daddy!”

       Gracie came barreling towards Aaron and the uneasy look on his face melted as he scooped her up into his arms. Rosita quickly signaled for Siddiq, who was already coming to meet them, “There’s another one in the wagon. Female with head trauma. She’s conscious.”

       Siddiq rushed past them towards the carriage to access the damage and turned back to the group, addressing them all, “Alright, Alex and the other nurses are on standby. I’ll take her to the infirmary right now.”

       Magna immediately stepped in, “I’m coming with her.”

       There was an air of hesitation as Siddiq looked to her, Daryl, Rosita, and Aaron. Beth glanced at Magna, letting her gut guide her, and then said to Siddiq, “They gave up their weapons willingly. Shouldn’t be a problem. Someone should let Rick, Michonne, and Dean—”

       Suddenly, the screech of the gates opened up behind them again. Beth turned to see Rick and Michonne galloping through the gates on horseback. The easy smiles on their faces let her known it had been a good day so far. The minute they spotted the group gathered around, they dismounted their horses and closed the distance. Their smiles giving way to curiosity and weariness.

       Judith ran to her parents, her hat almost falling off in the process. Rick smiled at her and took her into his arms. Michonne approached Beth and the newcomers. Beth gave her an imperceptible nod, making sure she knew they were all right. Or at least as all right as Beth thought they could be. Michonne turned her piercing gaze on them and like she had done a hundred times before she said, “Welcome to Alexandria. There’re rules here. If you follow them, there’ll be no problems.”

       Rick’s voice commanded the groups attention as he continued the spiel with Judith and Carl by his side, “If ya break ‘em, well, I’m sure you can guess what’ll happen. If any’a our people are hurt…pray you’re dead before we get to you first.”

       And just like they always did, Michonne brought it home, “That being said, you will be safe here. The council will decide when you’ll get your weapons back, but for now we’ll hold onto them until we’re sure we can trust you.”

 

~

 

       Daryl slumped onto the edge of their bed in the townhouse they shared with Rick, Michonne, RJ, Judith, and Carl. He bent forward untying his boots and she busied herself with locking up both doors, one to the upstairs common areas and one to the outside. Each had extra locks on them.

       Clicks filled the room as she slid them home and closed the curtains to the outside. She meandered her way back towards the bed, eyeing her now shirtless husband still sitting on the bed. She bent down to untie her own boots and take off her jeans and the minute they thudded to the floor, she felt Daryl's arms wrap around her waist from behind.

       She chuckled and he pulled her into his lap on the edge of the bed. His head rested on her shoulder as he hummed contently. Beth let her hands run over his forearms that were wrapped around her stomach, admiring their strength. His tan skin contrasted starkly with her pale pink complexion, especially in the dim candle light.

       "You were real good with Lil Asskicker today," Daryl finally spoke.

       She hummed, "She's too smart. Understands more than she probably should... Outta listen to her more.”

       Judith was born into a brutal world. Ripped into it, really. And she'd grown and been forged into a warrior. She was so smart. So brave. And still so kind. More empathetic than she had any right to be. If anyone was going to beat this world, it was Judith Grimes.

       Daryl's fingers brushed up and down her stomach, "It's cause'a you. Michonne. Rick. Ya'll raised that girl. Got your kindness. Your spirit."

       Beth smiled to herself despite feeling unsure, "Ya think so?"

       "Ain't gotta think. I know."

       Tears pricked her eyes at his assuredness, but she swallowed down the lump in her throat and squeezed his forearm. She acknowledged his words, but sometimes it was hard to believe. Judith was hers, but sometimes she had to be reminded it was okay to believe she had a hand in raising her into the girl she was now.

       Daryl started leaning around her to look at her face, so she changed the subject, not wanting to linger on the topic any longer. It would start making her daydream about the kids her and Daryl could have. And that's not something she wanted to think about right now. He told her he needed time, but somehow it felt like a ticking clock was hanging over her head. The world was unrelenting. In a blink of an eye, everything could change.

       She blinked, tossing out the thought. "What'd ya think 'bout them?" She asked.

       Silence filled the room like he was contemplating asking her what she'd been thinking, but instead he answered. "Seemed alright," he murmured, "Angry one might be a problem."

       "Magna?" She asked. He hummed in confirmation. The corner of her lips unturned slightly, "Really? She kinda reminded me'a you."

       Daryl scoffed, but his arms pulled her further into him, “Wanna run that by me ‘gain, girl?"

       "You know," Beth drew out, "You both got that...rough exterior, but I can tell she uses it to protect 'em. Just like you do."

       "Rough exterior, huh?" His lips grazed her neck and a soft gasp escaped her.

       "Daryl...ya know what I meant," Beth breathed out shakily, letting her head fall to the side so he could get closer.

       "Don't think I do. Wanna explain?"

       She grinned at his playfulness. Beth tried to stand so she could turn around and look at him, but he pulled her back into his lap. He held her against him, "That ain't an answer."

       She melted into him, giving into his strength. Her back molded to his chest and her hips fused to his. One of his hands unlatched from around her stomach and started running up her thigh. His thumb drew small circles higher and higher. Her breathing became heavy and he was jumbling her mind with his hands and mouth. 

       Beth wanted to return the favor, but with the way he had her positioned the most she could do was speak. "You're not afraid ta be who ya need to be for the people you love. I know ya hate hearin' me say it, but you're beautiful. When you're scowlin'. When you're tense. When your lips quirk at the corners like you're tryin' ta hide the fact you're smilin'. All of it. There's no difference ta me. Rough exterior's just that: an exterior."

       She knew her honest words must have stunned him, because he went completely still underneath her. His hand halted all its movement on her inner thigh. And she wanted to see him so bad. Wanted to know what he was feeling. Beth tried standing up again and he let her this time, but his hands were still holding firm to her hips as she turned around in between his legs.

       When she looked down at him, her hands immediately went to cup his face. The tether between them was shining bright and it was thrumming with untapped energy. Daryl was gazing up at her with such intensity it was hard to breath. It felt like when she used to stick her head out of the passenger side window of her daddy's truck as he sped down the road. She couldn't catch her breath, but her whole body was humming with exhilaration. It was intoxicating.

       That's how being with Daryl felt.

       The sheer intensity of it used to scare her, but she dove head first into him a long time ago and never looked back. Never wanted to look back. When they burned the shack down together, she knew then what he was to her. Beth never dared to dream too far into the future, but she was here now. He was alive. She was alive.

       And all she wanted was him. So, Beth leaned down and kissed him. Immediately opening up for him, so he could consume her. Nothing had ever tasted like home until him. Daryl pulled her closer before breaking the kiss and turning her around so her back was facing him again. Her eyes fell shut and her mind turned off, completely trusting and surrendering to him.

       He undid the ponytail in her hair first, an involuntary groan of relief leaving her as her hair finally stopped pulling on her scalp. Then, his hands grazed down her sides until he was grabbing the hem of her shirt. He leaned in over her shoulder, his words ghosting over her ear, "Arms up."

       Beth did as she was told and raised her arms. He undoubtedly spotted the goosebumps on her arms as he pulled her shirt over her head. Her shirt had just thudded to the floor behind her, when she felt him pull her sports bra up over her head too. Beth subconsciously took a step back, seeking him out, wanting to feel him against her. And she got exactly what she wanted.

       Daryl's arm snaked around her and his hand splayed out against her stomach as he pulled her back into him. His voice was considerably deeper when he spoke again, "Ya alright?"

       Beth's head fell back against his chest, a barely contained moan stuck in her throat. No matter how long they'd been together. No matter how many times he'd been inside her. He always asked. He always made sure she wanted him, even if it was blatantly clear. And no matter how many times he asked her it always made her all the more ready for him.

       "Yes," she breathed out, sure and clear, because she knew he needed to hear it.

       Content with her answer, Daryl hooked his fingers in her underwear and dragged them down her legs. She stepped out of them without hesitation. Her heart was pounding in her chest, coursing adrenaline through her veins and endorphins through her mind.

       Daryl moved her backwards keeping a tight hold on her until they were right back to where they started. Her in his lap, back against his chest. The hand resting on her stomach moved down her body until his fingers ghosted over her. She arched back into him, a gasp leaving her. Beth felt him against her and all at once she was hit by a freight train of need. She didn't want to play. Didn't want him to tease her. She wanted him right now.

       But forming coherent words seemed to be difficult as he started circling her with his fingers and she was lost in the feeling. His other hand drifted up her ribs and settled on her chest, working her from all angles. And she was free falling, unrestrained moans spilling from her lips. And she was thankful in that moment that they got the basement suite. Far away from all the other bedrooms two stories up.

       Daryl murmured into her neck, “Beautiful…always so good for me.” Beth shivered against him almost violently. His words held her in a chokehold. It took Daryl so long to get to the point where he’d talk to her and now, he could practically push her over the edge just by speaking to her.

       Suddenly, he was twisting them and she was in his arms for a split second before her back hit the bed. Her legs already falling open for him. Beth's eyes connected with his and he trembled. He looked like a man starved, but he was taking his time with her. It was maddening.

       His pants joined the rest of her discarded clothes on the floor. She called his name, breathless and desperate like a plea. Daryl.

       Something in him seemed to snap at her voice and he was drawn to her like a magnet.

       Daryl's wrapped around her thighs and held her open for him. As he ghosted his lips over her center, a jolt went through her spine and her body caught on fire. Even though she would've given anything to have his mouth on her this morning, she'd been waiting all day and his mouth wasn't what she wanted desperately right now.

       Her chest heaved as she spoke, finally able to form words, "Daryl. Don't wanna wait. Please. I need you."

       His grip on her thighs tightened as the words left her lips and his head turned up to look at her. Beth thought he never looked more like a hunter. A predatory gleam in his eyes pierced into her, but through it all she saw the adoration that threatened to light her soul on fire. And then sooth it all in the same breath. His eyes remained locked on hers as he leaned in to press another feather light kiss to her before moving up her body.

        His lips dragged over her hip and then hesitated at her stomach just below her belly button. She was getting ready to pull him up to her lips when she noticed how still he'd become. It looked like he was barely breathing. His calloused fingers drifted over her stomach and Beth sat up on her elbows, watching him. One of her hands cupped his jaw to turn his face back up to her, so she could read him.

       "Daryl?" Her voice seemed to pull him from his stupor because he turned his head into her hand. His lips pressed against the center of her palm, making her tingle all over. And then he was moving again until they were face to face.

       Like he was reinvigorated, he fervently gripped her thighs and maneuvered them so they were wrapped around his waist. Daryl dove into her, claiming her mouth. She moaned into him, forgetting her ability to stay quiet. Then, he was pushing inside her in one swift motion and Beth nearly crumbled. She arched up into him, smothering herself in his shoulder and neck.

       "Fuck, Beth," Daryl groaned. His voice caressed her inside and out and all she wanted to hear was him talk more.

       In between breathless moans, she pleaded, "Talk to me."

       It took him a while before he really started speaking to her in bed. Took a lot of coaxing and encouragement, but starting was always the hardest part for him. She found once he started, he couldn't stop. He always knew exactly what to say to throw her over the edge. Just like she knew exactly what to whisper to get him to lose it.

       Daryl sat up, leaving her on the bed underneath him. Beth's hands fell from around his shoulders to grip the sheets underneath her. His eyes roved over her body, openly admiring, until they landed on her stomach again. And the words she never thought she'd hear rolled out of his mouth, "Ya still wanna baby?"

       Her mouth fell open in surprise. Not just at his words, but at the sureness behind them. His voice was soft and his eyes bounced around her face like he was reading every single thought crossing her mind. She knew it wasn't something he was saying to push her closer to the edge. It was a genuine question. He was checking this was still what she wanted after years had passed.

       "Oh God, yes, Daryl. Please," Beth whimpered, reaching for him. He fell back into her and her fingernails clawed into him. He shivered against her, but his hips still weren’t moving. She rolled her hips up to meet his and his eyes flew to hers.

       "Yeah?" He asked, chest heaving and eyes nearly sparkling. And then she realized they were unshed tears.

       Her own eyes started to burn as she answered, "Yes." Her lips closed around his, spilling all her love into him, "Yes."

       Daryl started to move again, more purposefully and sure. Everything felt different now. Her whole body was tingling and euphoric with anticipation. And Daryl was staring into her soul. Sensing she was close as she tightened around him, his fingers trailed from her hip to her center, pushing her closer to the edge. She arched up, wrapping her arms around his neck, and sobbed towards the ceiling. 

       Beth didn't need to ask if this was what he really wanted. She didn't need to ask if he was ready. She already knew. He wouldn't have asked if he wasn't. He was finally ready.

       Tears dripped out of the corners of her eyes, collecting in her hair. Daryl's hips stuttered as she called out his name over and over again, becoming incoherent.

       He pulled her up against him, so her entire body was sliding against his. Daryl's own moans bleeding into her own. She was so close. All she needed was...

        "Come on, sweetheart. Come for me," he said quietly.

        And there it was. Exactly what she needed. As if he spoke the magic words, she shattered around him. Beth wasn't sure if she was sobbing, whimpering, moaning. Or maybe all the above. An overwhelming number of emotions barreled through her at a lightning pace. And she could barely comprehend the euphoria devastating her mind and body. It had never gone on so long. Wave after wave of pleasure rolled through her.

        As she was floating back to reality, suddenly a second wave hit her out of the blue as she heard Daryl groan out her name in a desperate plea. A different kind of warmth filled her for the first time as Daryl finished inside her. And the thought alone made aftershocks rip through her body. She shook like a leaf in his arms, unable to control the tremors. It was like nothing she ever felt before and she had a feeling Daryl was in the same boat.

        There was a look of pure bliss and contentment on his face, but also sheer awe at the number of emotions going through him. Their eyes connected and his lips were on hers. He kissed her fiercely as he rolled onto his back and pulled her on top of him. His hand gripped the back of her head, holding her to him. When, they pulled away to breath, Daryl clocked her still trembling and his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

       She shook her head, pushing his chin back up with her fingers until his eyes met hers, "Thank you."

       "Beth, ya know you ain't ever gotta fuckin' thank me. 'Specially not for this."

       His voice was rough, but one of his hands was softly circling her back and the other was running up and down her thigh, soothing away her trembling. Coming down from her high loosened her tongue considerably, "Thought you'd changed your mind."

       She felt his hand drift from her back into her hair, "Nah... M'sorry took me so long."

       "Don't apologize. Wantin' this...it's somethin' I want with you... Only you."

       Daryl groaned and buried his head into her neck making her giggle, "Fuckin' hope so."

       Her giggle turned into a full laugh, "Ya know what I mean."

       "Don't think I do," He grunted, his teasing lightening the atmosphere. Beth wondered if it was his way of making sure she knew he was all right with their choice. He may be scared, but it was something he wanted just as badly as she did.

       Beth dragged herself up his chest, so she was face to face with him. She wanted to remind him exactly why she wanted this. "I want this because'a you. 'Cause it's you an' me." 

       Again, in the playfulness, she found the truth. Found what it was all about. And she spoke it freely. Uninhibited, because she wasn't afraid.

 

~

 

       The walls stood like a marring, jagged scar on the Earth. Its ugly, gnarled existence went against nature. How nature intended them to live. Went against all logic and reason. The Earth no longer belonged to them and the audacity to live like it did was laughable. Rage inducing. The steel walls gaped at them. Mocking.

       The people who escaped their clutches were swallowed up hours ago. Many people had come and gone since, seemingly oblivious to their presence. Alexandria, they called it.

       “We must tell Alpha.”

Notes:

So, the beginning scene is our opener for our 3-ish year time jump. I wanted to show how despite what happened with Jocelyn because people like Rick and Beth things are still hopeful. We didn't fall into the rut of isolating ourselves from everything. Family is still thriving. Not to mention this scene was just funny and I think we're going to need it to look back on...

So, the scene in the woods with Judith and the others is from the show (9x06). However, it is slightly different because Alexandria is still taking people in. I added in the scene with Judith asking the 3 questions because in later seasons it wasn't really a factor anymore, but since we're still bringing people to the community I wanted to bring that back around.

There is still a council and we'll get to see who's on it and how it operates a little bit in next chapter. But I am really excited to have these new characters here, especially Luke and Connie!

On to the main event of the chapter, I needed to have this scene here before anything with the Whisperers truly started. Daryl sees how Beth interacts with Judith and RJ all the time, but how she handled Judith disappearing and going to help people jumpstarted his desire to start a family with her again. Not that the desire ever went away, but now it is a lot stronger than his fear. He sees a lot of Beth in Judith and that's his final push.

Now listen, sidenote, do I think Beth and Daryl use terms of endearment very often? Probably not. But Daryl did use one term of endearment once, in the entire show, and that was "sweetheart". He called Judith sweetheart when he was feeding her for the first time at the prison. So, I feel slightly validated in my use of it in the last scene lol.

We definitely see a different side of Daryl here. We see a lot more playfulness and openness. Not to mention he's talking a lot more and this all has to do with the scene after Beth visited Negan at Hilltop. This is the culmination of them being fully comfortable together and in their own skin.

The last tidbit...well the Whisperers are here and I made a conscious choice to have Whisperers be apart of the horde that was surrounding Luke, Connie, Kelly, Yumiko, and Magna. We'll see how this changes things to come...

Anyways, all the love, and I can't wait to hear your thoughts! <3

Chapter 54: Terror of the Night

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I have a BIG ANNOUNCEMENT for you all!

Another Bethyl story is on the way! It's called 'A Thousand Times Before'. You have no idea how excited I am for this story. It is completely different than this one, which was the goal. It will be a lot shorter of a story too. The first chapter is basically already written. However, just to be clear, I will not be posting updates to my new story until I finish this one. But if you guys are interested in me posting just the first chapter for now, so you can see what it's all about, let me know :)

Anyways, I have an interesting chapter for you guys! I hope you enjoy. All the love <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       “Alexandria started as a place for people to come seek safety. It’s been reinvented, gone through rebirths, multiple times over. Mercy for the lost. Vengeance for the plunderers. Those were the words we lived by, but that was before. Now, we are an alliance of communities. The Multi-Community Charter of Rights and Freedoms was established and signed by all the leaders of our four great communities.

        Created under the unanimous agreement of the communities in this new world, with hope for our future and confidence that together we are stronger. Together, we survived and together we thrive. We constructed this binding peace not just for ourselves but for future generations who have a right to this world. I welcome you to Alexandria.”

       Deanna Monroe stood at the center of the council, proudly reciting the charter her, Michonne, Maggie, Cindy, and Ezekiel worked tirelessly on. She stood in the community she built and led from the beginning of the end. And she smiled. Her grey hair was only a small indication of all the things she’d been through.

       Connie, Magna, Kelly, and Luke stood before the council. Beth was discouraged to see the looks of awe on their faces. Apprehension, she understood wholeheartedly, but the fascination only further drove her suspicions: there weren’t any other communities like this out there. At least not any they could travel to within a week.

       She was content with the home she had. Content with all the family she had, but the not knowing had been gnawing at her. Not necessarily because she wanted to connect with other far out communities, but because the not knowing always got them in trouble. The fact none of them seemed to have ever stumbled upon another community like Alexandria was disheartening. It meant people were still out there killing each other for food or just for the hell of it.

       Deanna personally introduced herself to the four of them and then dismissed herself from the council hall. As Deanna always liked to put it, “I’m retired.”

       Beth looked down the long wooden table facing the open room. Rick, Michonne, Aaron, Gabriel, Siddiq, Laura, Kyle, and herself. The strength and power of the people sitting at the table could not go unnoticed or unfelt. Not many Alexandrians had shown up to watch over the proceedings. It was relatively standard when they brought new people in, however under the circumstances, she expected a greater turnout. However, she did spot a brown sheriff’s hat poking up from the back of the room.

       Judith would lead this place one day. Her and Carl. Beth knew it just as Michonne and Rick did. She would take over when all of them were too old to go on or dead. As safe as they were, an early grave was always on the table no matter how safe they thought they were.

       Gabriel began, “As Deanna said, we’re a fair community of decent-minded people, but we are not soft. And that’s not going to change today. So, let’s begin. Which one of you is the leader?”

       Beth watched their reactions carefully. She could probably guess Kelly was the younger sister based on how often she looked to Connie before saying anything. Luke looked to be the spokesperson of the group, probably out of necessity, but also because how he came off. He was seemingly the least threatening out of them all. And Magna. Beth knew she was the protector. Fierce, angry, and always suspicious.

       It was true what she told Daryl last night. She reminded her of him. And knowing that changed her perception on Magna quite a bit. Beth made sure to let all the council members know her observations beforehand since she was the only one of the council there when they found them.

       Magna was subtly shifting her weight from one foot to the other, but was trying to look indifferent, “What makes you think we have one?”

       Gabriel’s hands were clasped in front of him on the table, “Did you know each other before?”

       “No,” Luke answered, gesturing towards the others, “It was, uh, Magna and then Yumiko, first, and then Connie and Kelly. And then— and then me. And then Bernie.” Luke exhaled sharply, his eyebrows furrowing in pain, “Sorry. Bernie was the one that we lost yesterday.” His head hung as he sighed, “There were others, of course. But, like Bernie, they just…They didn’t make it.”

       Beth’s chest squeezed watching all of them relive the pain of losing their friends. Family. Their group. Luke and Kelly were tearing up. Magna looked a thousand miles away and Connie was trying to comfort her sister. Beth had seen this picture a thousand times.

       Aaron looked to be thinking the same thing because his voice was soft and understanding as he asked the next question, “Who were you before?”

       “Me? Before all this?” Luke started again, “I was a music teacher.”

       Surprisingly, Magna answered next, “Waited tables at a truck stop.”

       Connie signed, looking directly at Aaron as she answered. Kelly translated for her, “She says, she was a journalist, but she’s just being modest. She exposed a bunch of sleazeball politicians and put them behind bars.”

       Beth smiled at that, her heart warming at how proud Kelly was of her sister. It reminded her of how she saw Maggie.

       Aaron nodded towards Kelly, “And you?”

       Kelly shrugged, thoughtfully, “I was in high school. Stressin’ about stupid shit that felt like the end of the world.”

       Beth felt a kindred tether form between her and Kelly. If she had been where Kelly was, getting asked the same questions, her answer probably would’ve been similar.

       Gabriel pressed on, “And who are you now?”

       “A fighter.”

       Guardian angel.

       “She says she’s my guardian angel, but, really, it’s the other way around.”

       “I guess I’m still a music teacher? Education never ends, not even in the face of monsters and mayhem.”

       “What did ya do to survive?” Beth asked. It was out of character for her to jump in and ask any of the questions, but she felt the need to engage. To connect. And this was the question she asked the council to be put in the rotation. It wasn’t to gauge all the bad a person had done to survive. It was to understand who they were on the other side of all the bad. They’ve all done things, but it mattered who was left after it was all over.

       Their eyes all jumped to her, but they answered nonetheless.

       “What I had to— anything I had to.”

       Never gave up.

       “She says she never gave up, but me, I grew up.”

       “I don’t…I don’t know. I don’t think I did anything special. I don’t know what I did to deserve it. At first, I was just lucky. I was in the right place at the right time and then, I met the right people,” Luke chuckled lightly, looking at his friends, “Here’s the thing, it’s funny, but before all this, if you saw us all sititn’ at the same table at like a restaurant, a bar, or something… you’d say to yourself, ‘Well, hey, I don’t know, maybe these people work together?’ Because we certainly don’t have anything in common, except for the fact that we’re breathing. And that’s a lot nowadays, right?”

       Beth nodded and smiled, “Thank you.”

       Rick stood his face hard set. It was the same face he wore when they first stepped foot into Alexandria. It was accessing, calculating, cunning. “If there’s anythin’ you’d like to tell us, now’s the time.”

       A lull of silence fell over the room. Beth watched Luke’s eyes connect with Magna. They widened slightly. An uneasy feeling started welling up in her gut. Connie signed something quick to Magna and her lips thinned, but her shoulders seemed to lower slightly in defeat.

       Magna stepped forward, her body tense and her eyes holding Rick’s. She approached the table and pulled off her necklace previously obscured by her shirt and set it on the table in front of her. Then, she started undoing her belt.

       A clink sound filled the room as she set down her belt buckle on the table, but that wasn’t what got her attention. Both objects were fashioned to be hidden knives.

       She hesitantly stepped back, like being parted from them was agony. Tension filled the room as Luke frantically looked between all of the council members, trying to somehow reason with them without saying anything.

       The corner of Rick’s lips upturned slightly, enough for Beth to notice, but maybe not for people who didn’t know him well, “Was wonderin’ when you’d give it up.”

       “You knew?” Magna asked, “And you let me keep it?”

       Rick nodded towards Michonne, “She knew ‘bout your belt. Not ‘bout the necklace.”

       Luke chuckled in awkward relief as Rick pushed the two knives back across the table towards Magna, “Keep ‘em. Did worse than that when we first came here…”

       Aaron shook his head with an amused grin, “If that’s everything, I’d like to motion for a vote? All in favor of offering residency and refugee raise your hands.”

       Beth and all the other council members raised their hands.

       This time Michonne stood and addressed the new members of Alexandria, “As a community, we want to be kind. We want to be generous. We want to be charitable. But as you know, the world is dark and unforgiving. All decisions come with a heavy price. We’ve all done things. Or else we wouldn’t be here. It isn’t always that easy to live with either. Who you were and who you are now matter. So, you can stay or go, but you’re welcome here.”

       Tears welled up in her eyes seeing the gut-wrenching relief on all of their faces. Even Magna looked about ready to cry, and she realized how long they must have been running. How long they didn’t have a home. She found herself thrown back in time to when they first found Alexandria after so long on the road, starving and dehydrated and exhausted.

       Beth stood a little abruptly, the memory still vivid in her mind. She politely excused herself after giving a quick welcome to the four of them, and beelined it out of the building to find Daryl.

       “Beth.”

       She pivoted towards the voice calling her name and saw Rick striding up towards her, “Daryl told me you were goin’ with Eugene an’ Rosita?”

       “Yeah, an’ Tara,” she confirmed. He was squinting from the sun shining down on them. He looked out over Alexandria from the threshold of the council room. “Everythin’ alright?”

       His hand came down to rest on her shoulder, “If things don’t seem right…it’s not worth your life.”

       She turned towards him, eyebrows furrowing, “Ya don’t think we should be reachin’ out to find people?”

       His head tilted, but his eyes hardened, “I was outvoted. Bringin’ people in isn’t the same as radioin’ out into the world and hopin’ for the best. Think we’re forgettin’ what type’a world we’re still livin’ in.”

       “You weren’t the only one outvoted,” Beth sighed.

       As much as she enjoyed bringing people in, they were flying blind every time they reached out with the radio. She understood the curiosity, but she also remembered what happened the last time they came face to face with another group. The Saviors were still a sore spot for the people who’d been in the thick of the war. Now, there were more Alexandrians who never knew Negan’s name than did.

        She remembered. As much as she tried not to, she remembered. Just like Rick and Aaron had, but they had been outvoted. Michonne had abstained, neither supporting nor denying the chance to spread their net out further.

       “Why’re ya goin’? It’s not on you. Ya know that,” Rick asked. There was no judgement in his tone, just curiosity. Maybe some disbelief.

      “I know. Maybe I shouldn’t, but…” she shrugged, “Four’s better than three.”

       Rick gave her a look like he knew that was bullshit. He was practically a human lie detector, but to be honest, Beth still hadn’t figured out why she was going. Maybe, it was to try to force herself to get behind the idea. Or maybe it was just because it was all Eugene had been talking about for weeks and, at this point, she just needed to see it through.

       A sick part of her wondered if the only reason she wanted to go was some self-sabotaging angle that would undoubtedly end with the failure of the mission. No. The little voice in her head reprimanded her. She wanted to be there because she didn’t agree. It was her job.

       Eugene, Rosita, and Tara all supported casting out a wider net. Or at least supported Eugene in his endeavors. Beth needed to be there to make sure they were careful. That they didn’t risk their lives for something unnecessary. This was how she supported her family when their views no longer aligned. She protected them while also being a reminder. As much as they wished for this to work, it wasn’t worth any of their lives and that’s why she was going.

        Beth raised up on her toes and kissed Rick on the cheek, the scruff of his beard tickling her lips, “Feel like I have ta go. I’m still our diplomat, aren’t I? Kinda my job whether I like it or not.” She genuinely appreciated his honesty and concern, but it was her choice. And she had a job to do. “I’ll be back in time to read Judith and RJ their bedtime story.”

       He nodded, “Holdin’ you to that.”

       She grinned, but the flash of angel wings in the corner of her eye caught her attention. Daryl came around the corner, his crossbow slung over his shoulder. He had one of his long sleeve button-up shirts on, rolled up to just below his elbows. A black bandana was tied around his neck and his black jeans were tied off at the ankles over his boots with random pieces of leather or cloth. His two knives were bumping against his legs as he walked. Her eyes connected with the sheath she’d given him with the ring attached. He practically never took it off.

       Almost like he felt her gaze watching him, he turned and his eyes found her. She couldn’t keep the grin from her face, especially as last night started replaying in her head. Tingles erupted all over her body just thinking about it. If she tried hard enough, which wasn’t really hard at all, she could still feel him moving between her legs.

       She saw Rick shake his head amusedly as he looked between the two of them. Without another word, he walked back into the council hall.

       Beth strolled over to Daryl, registering Carl and Mika swinging RJ between them over near the windmill. Daryl followed her gaze towards them as she said, “Was hopin’ I’d be here when Carol got back, but guess I’ll see her after. Mika tell ya how excited she is?”

       “Don’t talk ‘bout much else. ‘Sides Carl,” Daryl replied. Beth smiled at that, but noticed his mind was somewhere else. He was chewing the inside of his cheek.

       She lightly ran her fingers over his arm, drawing his attention, “What is it?”

       “Thinkin’ this whole plan’a theirs ain’t worth it.”

       Her and Daryl were of the same mind when it came to most council votes. She always discussed everything with him. He may not be on the council, but everyone could count on her vote also reflecting his thoughts. Not just her own.

       “Rick said the same thing,” Beth confirmed, “But I gotta see it through. One’a us needs ta go.”

       “I’ll do it.”

       “You wanna go just so I don’t gotta?” Daryl just looked at her, his silence as much of an answer as anything. He readjusted the strap of his crossbow on his shoulder and looked back out towards the windmill. “Daryl, you don’t gotta be ashamed’a not wantin’ me ta leave. Or tellin’ me ya don’t want me doin’ somethin’.”

       His eyes narrowed, “Ain’t gonna fuckin’ tell ya what ya can’t be doin’.”

       “No, but you can tell me what you’re feelin’. Tell me ya don’t want me to leave,” Beth tilted her head up, looking at him.

       Daryl grunted, “Ya know I don’t, girl.”

       A grin pulled at the corner of her lips, “Tell me.”

       Suddenly, Daryl turned his whole body towards her and reached around her. His hand grasped her braid and he lightly tugged it, so her head was angled up towards him. “Never want ya outta my sight or leavin’ these walls. That what ya wanna hear?”

       She smiled as she leaned in to kiss him. The hand clasping her braid migrated to the back of her neck, holding her against him. When she pulled away, he looked considerably less tense after saying what was on his mind. “Yes, that’s what I wanted to hear. I’ll see ya tonight.”

       His voice was softer as he said, “Be safe.”

 

~

 

       “This remote amplifier will boost the signal considerably. Accordin’ to—”

       “Eugene, less talkin’ more unscrambling,” Rosita shouted up to him, “Only wanna have to do this once.”

       “I’ll have it set in two armadillo blinks of an eye, don’t you worry,” Eugene replied.

       Beth chuckled, keeping watch with Tara as Eugene and Rosita fiddled with the signal. Rosita had a large remote looking box in her hand. She shouted up to the top of the water tower, “Lookin’ good, Eugene!”

       “I’m comin’ down,” he hollered back.

       Tara shook her head, “One hell of a pairing.”

       Beth knew she was referring to Rosita and Eugene’s friendship, “Aren’t we all?”

       “Touché,” Tara replied, harpoon out and eyes on their surroundings.

       Then, Beth heard Eugene shouting. Her head whipped to him, afraid he may have lost his footing, but then she made out the words, “Ro! Herd!”

       Her eyes followed Eugene’s line of sight past the fence to their right and saw a horde making their way right towards them. They were far enough away their collective moans blended in with the droning of the frogs and cicadas.

       “Shit…” Tara said under her breath.

       Rosita yelled up, “Get your ass down here! Now!”

       Beth frantically looked between the horde and Eugene’s pacing as he climbed down the ladder and realized it was going to be too close. She turned and shouted loud enough for everyone to here, “No time! Get up the ladder! Do it now!” Tara eyes were wide, but she nodded and ran for the base of the ladder.

       Rosita was shoving her equipment into her pockets and bellowed, “Eugene! We’re comin’ behind ya!”

       Beth faintly heard the clinking of boots on metal, but she was already running towards their carriage on the other side of the fence. The horses were whining and stamping their feet clearly agitated by the oncoming threat.

       Beth scrambled to unfasten them from the cart. They nearly bucked her out of the way as they broke free and ran in the direction that took them furthest from danger. Her mind told her to follow them. Get to safety and bring back help, but her gut told her to get up the water tower.

       She chanced a look over her shoulder and saw the oncoming horde now pressing up against the fence on the other side of the field. The fence was old, rusted. It wouldn’t hold up for long.

       “Beth!” she heard her name being screamed from above.

       Her blood pounded in her veins, her gut churning. She grabbed the nearest bag of supplies and shoved as much as she could into the pack. The clanging of the fence coming down rang in her ears as she threw the pack over her shoulder. And she ran.

       Against all her senses and logic, she ran straight towards the horde. A wall of decay and rot went straight up her nose and her eyes started to water, but she kept her focus on the ladder. Growls filled her head and her skin prickled with sweat. Beth weaved through the field. Five feet away.

       In her peripherals something swiped at her and she barely dodged it. When she turned, she saw a lone walker stumbling after her. Beth’s knife was in her hand before she could even blink. She plunged it into the walker’s temple like it was second nature. Three feet.

       The horde was right on her, but they weren’t blocking her path to the ladder yet. Two feet.

       Her fingertips grazed the metal rungs when she heard the bang of a gun going off and the thud of a walker drop to the ground behind her. She didn’t look. Beth just climbed. All the strength and stamina she’d been cultivating for years was pushed into overdrive as she climbed up the ladder one rung at a time.

       She was just out of reach of the walker’s grasp when she heard it. It was faint, almost nonexistent. At first, she thought it had to be Eugene, but when she looked up, his mouth wasn’t moving.

       Her heart rate started to speed up and she was completely paralyzed. Needles jabbed into her skin dragging along her nerves and flaying her open. Tears pricked her eyes for a whole different reason, panic squeezing the air from her lungs. Beth turned her eyes down to the ambling horde of walkers below her.

       Don’t let them get away.

       Patience. We wait.

       She heard it. The walkers. They were talking. No, not talking. Whispering.

           

~

 

       It was getting late and they still weren’t back. Daryl was pacing the gate tower, eyes constantly scanning the road as the sun dipped below the horizon.

       “Anythin’?” Rick’s voice interrupted his pacing from down below.

       “Nah,” Daryl responded, curtly.

       “Probably just got held up. Give it sum time,” his brother reasoned.

       Daryl wanted to believe him, but he knew better. Something was wrong. He could feel it in his gut. He knew it when he saw Beth riding out through the gates. Knew it when she told him to tell her not to leave. Knew it when he was the second person to tell her not to go.

       He was about to climb down and tell Rick he was going after them no matter what he said when he heard the telltale sound of clomping hooves. His head snapped to the source of the noise and saw a horse galloping towards the gates. Rick must have heard it too because he rushed to open them. The horse trotted in, breezing past Rick like it was nothing. It was still tacked up and everything.

       “Is that—”

       “Yeah…” The dread he’d tried keeping under lock and key surged through him. He was staring at one of the horses that left with Beth and the others. Something was wrong, but he knew exactly where to find them or at least where to start.

       He fucking hated being right.

       Rick cursed under his breath, then said, “Let me get my gun. We’re goin’. Now.”

       Daryl had let her go. You don’t let her do anything, asshole. He seethed. He should have fought harder. Should have told her he’d go instead. Should have made her stay, but he didn’t. He spiraled down.

       Then, he remembered. He remembered who his wife was and everything she’d been through. She was stronger than anyone he knew. Smarter too.

       He took in a deep breath and actually thought. And he knew all at once, she’d released the horses. If people had been the threat, they would’ve stolen the horses and the carriage, but if it was walkers, they would’ve spooked and ran back towards the safest place they knew.

       He remembered who Beth Dixon was and a sort of peace washed over him. She could take care of herself. She was a fighter and he’d find her like he always did. Panic still thumped underneath his skin, but determination rose over it.

 

~

 

       They were lucky the moon was close to full. It the lit up the horde of walkers passing underneath the water tower. He was scoping out the area, but couldn’t see any signs of the carriage or their people. However, he wouldn’t be surprised if the herd had trampled over it by now. His eyes scanned the tower until they reached the top. He was too far away and it was too dark to make out anything, but he knew Beth well enough. She would’ve told everyone to climb. It’s why she released the horses.

       Daryl signaled to Rick, who quietly stalked over to him, “They’re at the top. Needa draw ‘em away.”

       As if on cue, a bang resonated through the night and a bright red light washed over the field creating a menacing effect over the horde. He looked up to see a flare shooting into the sky from the top of the tower. Daryl nearly smiled to himself.

       Rick signaled to Aaron, Michonne, and Dwight as he pulled out an old school sixty-minute kitchen timer. It would be loud enough to draw them away and keep them distracted long enough for the others to climb down and make a break for it.

       Then, something caught his eye. He grasped Rick’s arm, halting him from throwing the timer. Daryl studied the herd. Watched it with baited breath. And he realized the walkers weren’t just stumbling around aimlessly.

       “They’re fuckin’ circlin’ the damn tower,” Daryl murmured to Rick under his breath.

       Rick turned his attention from where the flare came from to the horde. Daryl watched as his expression shifted from confusion to dismay, “Never seen walkers move like that. What’s drawin’ them in?”

       There was nothing keeping them around the base of the tower. No blinking lights, no constant blaring noise, no dead bodies that he could see. It’s like they were waiting for something.

       Michonne whispered over to them, “You seein’ this?”

       “Don’t change anythin’. Throw it,” Daryl commanded. He was done playing games. He’d cut through the whole damn herd himself if that’s what it took.

       Rick rounded the left side of the field, turned the timer to three minutes, and threw it outside the vicinity of the downed fence. That’s when Daryl saw four dark shapes descending the ladder slowly. That’s his girl. She knew how he thought. How he moved. She knew they’d think up some way to part the horde for them and they had to be ready.

       Daryl counted in his head, keeping close time. His eyes were zeroed in on the four of them still descending the ladder. He crept forward as he counted two minutes. Rick, Michonne, Aaron, and Dwight all moving with him.

       They were almost to the hole in the fence when the sharp dinging of the timer went off, piercing through the groans of the horde. The walker’s heads shifted towards the noise and there was a brief moment of stillness, before the walkers started moving towards the sound. It was slow going, but so were Beth, Eugene, Rosita, and Tara.

       They had climbed more than halfway down. Only one fourth of the ladder remained underneath them. And as they got closer to the ground, he recognized Beth’s long blond braid swinging back and forth along her back. She was at the front of the pack. Leading the way.

       The walkers were thinning underneath them just as they got to the end of the ladder about eight feet off the ground. Daryl stood, readying his crossbow to lay down cover for them to run. Rick’s hatchet was out by his side. Same with Michonne’s katana. Aaron’s mace prosthetic and Dwight’s axe were at the ready. They just needed a couple more seconds.

       Daryl held his breath as Beth dropped from the ladder towards the ground. A bolt was flying from his crossbow through the skull of the closest walker to her right before she even got her footing. Rick motioned for the others to move in. They silently stalked forward, eliminating any walkers in their path to freedom.

       Instead of running towards him like he wanted Beth to do, she waited under the ladder as Rosita dropped down, then Eugene, then Tara. He let another bolt fly, downing a walker closing in on Rosita. That’s when he heard it. Or rather didn’t hear it.

       The blaring of the timer had cut out.

       Daryl’s head snapped to the horde and irritation filled him as he saw them closing back in on everyone. Without hesitation, Daryl shouldered his crossbow, reached into his pack and grabbed another timer. He turned the dial barely an inch and chucked it as far as he could in the opposite direction. It started to ring before it even hit the ground. Then, he drew his knives.

       His eyes caught on Beth’s blonde hair through the herd and he stalked towards her. Walkers filled his vision. Gnashing jaws, decaying flesh, and garbled moans. It all filled his head as he cut his way through to her. He mindlessly took down walker after walker. His knife squelched through the forehead of one in front of him, thudding to the ground at his feet. The horde was thinning again and he had a clearer line of vision.

       That’s when he saw Beth. Her body was moving gracefully through each kill, downing walkers two at a time. Every step calculated and light. Beads of blood splattered across her cheek and neck. Her face etched in steel. She glided through the dead and they fell in her wake. She was beautiful and Daryl’s blood sang at the sight of her.

       Suddenly, it was all shattered as a terror-stricken cry tore from her throat. The world slowed as he followed her line of sight to see Tara. At first, he didn’t know what he was seeing until Tara dropped to her knees. Her harpoon slipped from her fingers, falling to the grass. And looming behind her was a walker holding a blood-soaked knife.

       “Tara!” Rosita screamed.

       Daryl surged forward, his brain still not comprehending what he’d just seen, but Beth was already attacking. And she wasn’t attacking like it was a walker. She was attacking like it was a person.

       And in an instant, more than a handful of walkers surged forward, weapons appearing in their hands. Daryl loosed another bolt into one charging for Beth. It thudded into its temple. He saw Rick embed his hatchet into one’s shoulder and a scream tore from their dead, decaying face before he ended it with one clean swipe to the face. Michonne’s katana sliced through any and all flesh it could reach, dropping them one by one.

       They somehow all migrated into a semi-circle, protecting each other without thought. One of the walkers looked like they were trying to drag themselves away, when Beth closed the distance. She rammed her boot into its back and a whimper left its body.

       She was staring at something behind the head and in one swift cut of her knife to the back of the neck, she tore off the face of the walker. Except it wasn’t a walker at all. It was a man wearing the face of the dead.

       His heart dropped and immediately everything he thought he knew shifted all at once. Beth drove her knife into the base of his skull. Her eyes were wild and untamed, but she held up the mask for everyone to see. Michonne looked between the still warm blood on her sword and the mask.

       Daryl glanced around them, the horde was thinned considerably, but they didn’t have long. Beth fell in next to him, her eyes locked on Tara and he saw the exact moment the rage took her over. Eugene and Rosita held a bleeding Tara between them. They all surrounded the three of them and rushed towards the fence.

       Everyone understood the dead weren’t just the dead anymore. Every walker wasn’t just a walker anymore.

       Then he heard it. The whispering.

       Circle around.

       Don’t let them slip by.

       Keep them together.

       In the terror of the night, they ran.

Notes:

Welp, we're finally here. Welcome to the Whisperers!

We start with seeing how Alexandria's council operates. It is very similar to the show, however we have a couple new people on the council and Alexandria is still a lot more welcoming. In the show Michonne writes up a charter called the Multi-Community Charter of Rights and Freedoms, however in the show, this isn't signed by all the communities until they meet up at the Fair at the Kingdom. They've all signed it a lot earlier now. Deanna helped form the council as you can see, but as she said, "She's retired" lol.

Since we didn't separate Magna, Luke, Connie, and Kelly from Yumiko like the show, I think Magna is more inclined to give up her hidden weapons as a show of goodwill since we showed her goodwill to begin with. Beth sees a lot of Daryl in Magna and I think she is more inclined to trust her because of how familiar her actions and temperament are. One of the first big changes to the Whisperers arc is the new group is granted asylum at Alexandria rather than taking them to Hilltop.

The conversation between Rick and Beth is to show where they stand regarding certain actions taken by the community now that there's no longer a sole leader, but a council. Rick, Beth, and Daryl, even Michonne may disagree with reaching out with the radio, but they're compromising like a healthy community and leader would for their people.

Beth and Daryl had a sweet moment. I think she likes to constantly reassure him that his feelings are valid, especially his feelings surrounding his fear of being separated from her. Beth understands what that feels like to an extreme degree. She knows it's better for him to tell her instead of bottling it up like she used to do.

Oh boy, oh boy the Whisperers are here...So, in the show Rosita and Eugene go alone to the water tower to help with the radio. They go alone because Michonne would've stopped them. I always wondered what would have happened if Rosita just climbed up after Eugene instead of telling him to jump down. And I think Beth would have the same thought.

The last scene really doubles as the scene in 9x08 when they're in the graveyard and the group first discovers the Whisperers. Now, we'll just have to wait and see what happens next :)

All the love and I can't wait to hear your thoughts <3

Chapter 55: Nameless

Notes:

Hello lovelies! ANNOUNCEMENT: I have just posted the first chapter to my new story, A Thousand Times Before. Even though it is very different, I do think you guys will enjoy it just as much <3

Anyways, all the love and I can't wait to hear your thoughts on this chapter!

Story Playlist: http//tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       We gotta lose ‘em. Get to Hilltop.

       Beth tunneled down, but instead of violently descending with no end in sight, she glided down steadily. She was in control unlike all the times before. As she burrowed deeper, two words rang in her mind over and over again. Survive. Protect. At any cost. She would and she wouldn't feel bad about what had to happen to achieve it. Many had made the mistake of threatening her family. And they were all dead or rotting. So, yes, Beth tunneled down, finding familiarity and safety in her own darkness.

       The forest was a reprieve, but the shadows of the night were just as much a foe as they were a friend. Twigs and brush shuffled under their boots, almost deafening to her own ears, which were tuned in to every distant growl, sharp intake of breath, and whisper floating through the trees.

       Her focus narrowed to any and all signs of movement small or large. Her eyes had adjusted to the dark, but darted to every shadow. They naturally skipped over her family, who were sneaking through the trees beside her. She knew the way they moved. The way they breathed. The way they fought. It was second natural to recognize them even in the dark.

       Rick whistled, low and sharp. Beth's head whipped towards the noise and she saw him slowing as he pointed his hatchet up ahead. She knew what it meant without even looking. Within seconds they all disappeared, melting into the shadows of the trees around them as the moans of a dozen walkers became clearer up ahead. It undoubtedly was a smaller pocket of the greater horde trying to cut them off, but they didn't understand.

       A dozen. Even two dozen walkers didn't matter. They've been through worse. It didn't matter if they blended in wearing faces of the dead. Dead or alive, they could be killed.

       Beth held her breath. The heat of Daryl's body pressed up against her back poured into her, giving her strength. His chest was heaving, but he was deathly quiet. She gripped the handles of her knives. It was no exaggeration to say her life depended on them. Her ears perked up as the walkers drew closer.

       None of them could tell which were walkers and which were humans. The eyes were what gave it away, but with the lack of moonlight, there was no way to tell until they were already on top of them. So, now, they had to spend extra energy assuming every walker was someone wearing a dead person's face.

       In the gloom of the woods, she could vaguely make out Eugene holding Tara up. She was slumped over and a deep anguished tug resonated somewhere in her gut. They had to get her somewhere safe and quickly. Hilltop. It was their best bet. Whatever they had to do to get Eugene and Tara an opening to get there, they would.

       Her eyes drifted to Dwight, Rosita, and Aaron crouched together waiting to pounce. Even from here, Beth could see the white-hot rage simmering off them in droves. It's how she knew this wasn't going to end well from the others. Rick and Michonne were rigid, scanning their surroundings like predators. Their anger was cold as ice.

       And her and Daryl. They embodied a neutral territory between the two. Neither red hot nor ice cold. Beth learned something crucial over years of survival. Adapt. It sounded simple in theory, but there was much more to it than she ever realized.

       She had to adapt not just to her environment, the new way of life, who she was, but to the family she had around her. If someone wanted to rage, scream, yell, get revenge, others had to compensate. Others had to be calm, collected, and smart to counterweigh those who needed to descend into anger. Her family always had her back and she'd always have theirs. So, her and Daryl's rage was calculated. Quiet. Deadly.

       The walkers were weaving through the trees around them. She could practically feel their rotting breath on her neck. It was when they started to break off into four groups that they all attacked. Beth slashed out at the thighs of a walker stumbling around the tree towards her and Daryl. There was no reaction, so Daryl ended it with a knife to the temple. He caught the walker before he crashed to the ground and made more unnecessary noise.

       Beth could see in her peripherals everyone doing the same. Without hesitation, she drove her knife into its stomach. She sawed through flesh and muscle, opening it up from the bottom of the sternum to the navel. Another wave of walkers were rounding on them, but she focused on Daryl as he wasted no time shoving his hands inside the incision she made and pulling out blood and gut.

       The putrid smell coated her nose and mouth, but instead of flinching away she leaned in closer to Daryl so he could smother her in walker guts. His hands were quick and efficient as he covered her from head to toe, leaving out her face and hands. He crouched back down and scooped some out for himself just as another walker ambled towards them.

       It sounded like a growl started in its throat, but gurgled to a stop and the walker continued stumbling by them. Beth risked a glance at the others and saw the same effect occurring. Their scent may be masked, but they still had people to contend with.

       They crept forward, blending into the horde themselves. A group of about ten walkers rose from the night in front of them. Beth slowed, scanning them for any signs of irregular movements. And like clockwork four walkers turned their heads towards them, identifying themselves for her and everyone else.

       Beth watched as the four people drew themselves in closer circling with the walkers until the herd became too tight for her to distinguish who was who. Rick and Michonne approached carefully and the rest of them were on their heels, but it was Rosita who struck first. Her macuahuitl was arcing through the air one second and when Beth blinked, it was embedded into the head of a walker.

       Not a walker. A Whisperer.

       She didn’t have to react before another one was stepping out of the horde to meet them. This one was charging straight for her. She thanked God for having good eyesight, because she saw the blade before it could gut her. Beth’s hand shot out grabbing the Whisperer’s wrist, effectively stopping the attack. While her hand held them in a death grip, her free hand dug her knife into their side, making sure to twist.

       A scream erupted out of them and with it the knowledge that she was fighting a woman. She simultaneously yanked her knife out and drove her boot into her stomach, launching her backwards and away from her.

       Daryl was there to catch her. The woman fell backwards into him. And in one swift motion, he drew his dagger across her neck, silencing her. She thumped to the ground between them.

       The whisperer’s scream drew the walkers towards them, but her and Daryl weaved through them, slowly walking towards the rest of the group. The walkers seemed to scatter almost equally to the four warm bodies now on the group, but Beth noticed one not moving at all.

       They stood frozen, looking at their dead friends on the ground. Slowly, their head turned up to look at Daryl. And the Whisperer charged. All semblance of survival gone. Daryl must have heard him coming because he sidestepped and turned around, but not quick enough to act.

       Beth’s knife flew from her fingers before she could fully process what she was doing. It was second nature. Protect. Protect. Protect. It twirled in the air once. Twice. Three times. Then, a sick gurgle pierced the air as blood exploded from the Whisperer’s lungs, up their throat, and dribbled out of their mouth. Her knife was sticking out of their chest, embedded all the way to the handle.

       Daryl’s fierce, predatory gaze fell to her and she lit up under it. She was sure she looked half crazed with walker guts covering her and a feral look in her eyes, but when Daryl looked at her like that, none of it mattered. She felt powerful. She had succeeded in protecting him. If they weren’t in imminent danger, Beth was sure whatever was simmering between them would’ve devolved rather quickly.

       But a moan of pain from Tara had her cursing herself for even thinking something so animalistic at a time like this. Beth ran to collect her dagger and again, they all disappeared into the night hoping to lose the Whisperers in the wake of the chaos.

       By the time they were far enough away to not hear the snarls of the horde, exhaustion was starting to set in, but it wasn’t her body that was fatigued. It was her mind. She was mentally exhausted. All her senses were on high alert and it was wearing on her and she could tell it was doing the same to everyone else.

       Rick stopped the group in a small valley, hidden from sight, as they all caught their breath. He turned to Tara who looked too pale, she had a makeshift bandage strapped around her middle to keep the bleeding minimal, but the piece of cloth was dark, completely soaked in blood.

       She didn’t need to see Rick’s expression to know it was one of trepidation. He was breathing heavy as he spoke, “Aaron. Eugene. You think you can get her to Hilltop from here?”

       Aaron nodded, “It’s not far. We’ll get her there.”

       And Eugene replied, “Affirmative.”

       It was the first time anyone’s spoken in what felt like hours. It was jarring. Beth looked over her shoulder to check no one was watching them as their voices felt like they carried through the woods even though they were speaking as quietly as possible.

       Rick pointed his hatchet at them, “Ya’ll go. Rest’a us will make sure these assholes don’t follow you back.”

       “I’m going with them,” Rosita piped up. There was no room in her voice for arguments.

       He nodded, “Alright.”

       And that was that. The three of them were off, carrying Tara between them. Beth felt the numbness like a second skin. She knew she’d shed it eventually, but right now she needed it so she could focus on keeping the Whisperers away from Tara and Hilltop.

       Rick’s voice was low and gravelly as he spoke, “We weed ‘em out. Find out if there’re any more’a them. If they wanna walk with the dead, fine. We’ll make sure it stays that way.”

 

~

 

      The early hours of the morning were alive with chirping, buzzing, and humming. It was clear after a couple of hours of waiting, the Whisperers weren’t coming for them. They either gave up or lacked the ability to track them down and from the relentless way they followed them from the water tower through the woods, she guessed it was the latter. So, that meant they had to go on the offensive.

       The darkness gave way to the gloomy grey of morning as they followed Daryl. She found herself asking quietly, “Walker?”

       He hummed, “Too steady.”

       She stared at the forest brush underneath her, recognizing the subtle hints of disturbed plant life, but she couldn’t for the life of her understand how he could tell between walker and human. Then, Daryl paused looking around, his eyes narrowing, “Seemed ta join a bigger group here. Walkers.”

       Beth looked around and saw the disturbances in the grass and the ample number of broken twigs and rucked up dirt, “Hasn’t been long.”

       Daryl nodded, confirming her suspicion. He changed direction towards the east, seemingly following the path the small group took. A sense of relief flooded through her body when she realized they were trekking further away from Hilltop. And Alexandria for that matter.

       She dropped back, holding her pace with Dwight as they continued through the thinning woods. Beth caught his eye with a silent question: Are you alright?

       He looked just as tired and worn out as all of them, but there was an edge to him like a light breeze would sway him to fall further into the dark. Rage still poured off of him in waves. Of everyone in Alexandria, Dwight had become one of the most protective of their home. She guessed the switch correlated to Finch being born and Sherry almost losing her life during the birth. They were strong. All three of them. They made it.

       Dwight nodded, a simple downturn of his head, but she could see the turmoil swimming in his mind. Beth grabbed his hand and squeezed with a small reassuring smile, letting him know she had his back. That everything would be all right. Something shuddered in his eyes and some of the tension left his body.

       Then, suddenly, he pulled taunt on her hand, halting her in her tracks. Daryl was crouched near the tree line right before it gave way to a dirt road. A covered wooden bridge was on their left and without having to strain her ears, she could hear the telltale sound of walkers. Their groans echoed and bounced around as they shuffled around under the cover of the wooden tunnel.

       Daryl signaled for Rick and Michonne to circle around the other side of the bridge. It was a smart plan. Cut them off on both sides, essential trapping them. Beth watched as Michonne and Rick quietly disappeared back into the trees and made their way around to the other side. Once they were right up against the road, Daryl held out his arm towards her and Dwight and mouthed, wait. Beth nodded, trusting him.

       When he whistled, Michonne and Daryl closed in on either side of the tunneled bridge, standing in the openings on each end. Beth watched as Daryl raised his crossbow to his shoulder, his assuredness clear in his solid stance. One bolt fired off into the tunnel, before he immediately pulled another out and loaded it. Her view was obscured. She couldn’t see into the tunnel, but she didn’t need to. Beth kept her eyes glued to Daryl, waiting for his signal.

       Another bolt of his flew, but this one was followed by a muffled yell of pain. Daryl waved them over just as Michonne and Rick disappeared into the other side.

       The sight she saw as she came up onto the road wasn’t unusual. She’d seen it so many times before. Someone was convulsing on the ground as they were being torn apart, three walkers ripping into them. The Whisperer’s mask was still on, but it wouldn’t save him now.

       On the other side, Beth saw two Whisperers charge Michonne and Rick. It didn’t seem like any of them were really fighters by the way they haphazardly threw themselves into a fight. They ended them quicker than even Beth had assumed with one swipe of their katana and hatchet.

       She quickly closed the distance between the three walkers still gorging on one of the fallen, knowing they were clearly just walkers. Her knife sliced through them quickly and efficiently dropping them on top of the body they had been feasting on.

       That’s when she heard Daryl’s gruff voice yell, “Drop it!”

       Her head snapped to her husband’s voice. A Whisperer was kneeling in front of Daryl, their hands raised up in front of them, clearly shaking out of fear. Bet recognized the glint of the dagger they had clearly dropped to the ground next to them.

       Daryl hastily ripped their mask off revealing a girl. She was small and skinnier than she should have been. It was jarring to seeing, even through all the dirt and grim, she couldn’t have been older than sixteen.

       Her voice quivered as she pleaded, “Please…Please don’t kill me. Please.”

       Beth approached the scene unfolding in front of her as Daryl threw the mask to Michonne, who studied it incredulously. Rick’s cold gaze turned on the girl as he leaned down, “How many?”

       She shook her head, in tears, “Please. You killed them all. It’s just me now—”

       Michonne held her blood-soaked katana to the girl’s neck, cutting her off, “I don’t believe you.”

       An eruption of growls and groans pierced the stale air of the tunnel. Her head whipped towards the noise and she saw another herd completely blocking the road behind Rick and Michonne. Beth could tell the girl was lying, but her fear was real. She was young and Beth wasn’t sure she deserved their vitriol when she was just trying to survive.

       When Beth’s empathetic eyes latched on to Daryl, he subtly nodded at her, “There ain’t no time. We’ll take her with us.”

       Michonne’s head snapped to Daryl, disbelief in her eyes, but when she looked between him and Rick, she slowly took her katana away from the girl’s throat. A whimper left her lips, piercing straight into Beth’s heart, but she knew they had to be careful.

       Daryl grabbed her under the arm, “Get up.” She stumbled up after him, still visibly in distress.

       Michonne held up the mask in front of the girl, practically shoving it in her face, “You try anything, you won’t have to pretend.”

       She whimpered and shrunk away from the threat as Daryl hauled her through the tunnel, “Let’s go. Come on.”

 

~

 

       The girl’s eyes were covered with one of Daryl’s shirt sleeves, which he ripped off unceremoniously after they’d gotten back into the woods. Even though all of them were dead on their feet, they walked in circles for hours, making sure no Whisperers were following them. God forbid, they led them straight to Hilltop.

       By the time they showed up at the gates of Hilltop, it was afternoon. Daryl and Rick held the girl up between them. She seemed to be in a state of numbness, but Beth knew the emotional shock was what made her stumble rather than physical exertion.

       Maggie and Glenn rushed out to meet them. As they got closer, Beth saw their eyes were red rimmed and glassy. Her heart dropped into her stomach where it got churned around with her rising panic. The question died on her lips: What happened? She knew. She just didn’t want to hear it.

       White noise filled her head and she saw Maggie’s lips move, but she couldn’t hear it. Any of it. Glenn looked distraught; his head bowed. Beth breathed in. Out. In. Out. Until the noise around her started returning, the world too bright for the news she knew was coming.

       Tara was dead.

       Rick had his hand raised to his face after transferring the girl to Dwight. He was already pacing, devolving. Michonne looked numb, her eyes wide in disbelief. Out of her peripherals, her eyes tacked on to someone she never thought she’d see witnessing a moment of vulnerability from them. Not ever again. Not since he had them all on their knees at the Kingdom. His hair was buzzed and he looked far skinner than when she last saw him, but it was still him.

       Negan.

       He was under guard, tending to Hilltop’s vegetable garden. She made direct eye contact with him and she hated to see how concerned he looked. How his eyebrows furrowed in worry, like he could actually care about Tara or the people here or her for that matter. The brief look between them was enough to wash her in a bucket of ice-cold water.

       That’s when she saw a storm whirling her way out of one of the trailers. Rosita barreled her way over, her red tear-stained face clearly twisted with wrath, “Is she one of them? Huh?”

       Beth intercepted Rosita before she could get to the cowering girl between Dwight and Daryl, “Rosita, don’t. Please.”

       “They killed Tara!” She practically yelled over her shoulder.

       Beth shook her head trying to catch Rosita’s eye, “No. One’a her people did.”

       Her friend, who taught her how to fight, how to defend herself, was cracking in front of her, “So, what? You just gonna lock her up? Like Negan.”

       The blow was supposed to hurt, but Beth barely felt anything but the pain of losing someone else, “We’re gonna get answers.”

       Beth could hear Daryl and Dwight dragging the hostage towards the cellar and away from them. Rosita finally looked at her instead of through her, “Then what?” Her question was less accusatory now and more like she was looking for a lifeline.

       “We bury her. Then, we’re gonna figure it out.”

 

~

 

       “How do we do this?” Beth said into the forbidding silence of Hilltop’s study, “She’s still’a kid. We do whatever it takes to protect our own, but there are still lines…”

       Michonne’s face dropped, “We already have…”

       Stabbing pain went through her chest at the reminder of what happened the last time kids were involved, “Ya know that wasn’t the same.”

       “She surrendered,” Rick interjected, sitting down on one of the couches, “But that don’t mean whatever she’d hidin’ won’t come back around to us.”

       Beth nodded, her wet hair swaying against Daryl’s forearms as he leaned on the back on her chair. His close proximity was so second nature now that sometimes she forgot where they had started. “She is, but her fear is real. Ya can’t fake somethin’ like that,” she added.

       Maggie stood up from behind her desk, “Her people killed Tara. That’s not somethin’ we’ll easily forget. The people here adored her. She was apart’a this community.”

       “They did, but we can’t punish her for their sins,” Beth argued.

       “I agree,” Maggie said, “So, we needa figure out what we’re dealin’ with ‘fore we make any other decisions.” Her sister turned to Michonne and Rick, “Have ya notified Alexandria?”

       Rick pinched the bridge of his nose, “Got a message to Gabriel. He issued a soft lockdown. We don’t wanna cause panic, but we don’t know how many’a them are out there. If I were you, I’d send out sum scouts tomorrow just to make sure we covered our tracks well enough.”

       Maggie nodded as Glenn finally spoke up, breaking from his stupor, “One of us is going to have to…talk with her.”

       Another thick silence settled over the room because they all knew what ‘talk’ really meant. Her gut churned at the thought. Beth knew the girl was apart of the group that killed Tara, but harshly interrogating, or worse, torturing a teenager would never sit right with her.

       Suddenly and violently, the memory of the Savior boy she shot in the back ripped through her mind. It made her head bow, almost like a piercing headache drilling into her skull.

       “Bethie,” Maggie said, her nickname rising it pitch like a question, “I think ya should do it.”

       Her head snapped up incredulously, “Why?” What could possibly make her sister think she would be the person for this job?

       Surprisingly, her sister smiled, “You’re one’a the best damn judge of characters I know. An’ you’re married to the other one. If ya think goin’ in with a softer approach first is best, then I trust ya.”

       Beth turned around to look up at Daryl hovering above her. Maggie’s compliment and trust was so sincere it made some thick emotions well up in her chest. Her sister was putting her community’s safety in her hands with full trust.

       “And none’a you got any objections to this?” Beth asked, “You were the cop, Rick.”

       He shook his head, “I’ll back ya’ll up, but it’s your show.”

       Everyone seemed to be in agreement, so she asked Daryl quietly, “How ya wanna do this?”

       “Girl’s smart. She surrendered instead’a attackin’. Could be playin’ us, but like Beth said, her fear was real,” Daryl answered, “But she’s lyin’ ‘bout somethin’. Best we figure out what sooner rather than later.”

       “Alright,” Beth said and she sighed, thinking of what she was going to have to do next, “But I’m gonna need to talk to Negan first.”

 

~

 

       “Well, wouldja look at what the cat dragged in. Come to visit your old pal, Negan.” His draw washed over her like a second oily skin, coating her from head to toe.

       “It’s strange. Almost a decade in prison and you’re still just as arrogant as ya were when I put ya there,” Beth ribbed, a saccharine smile painting her lips.

       Negan chuckled, “I did miss our little talks, but cut to the chase. This plate of slop ain’t gonna eat itself.”

       Beth sat down across from him at the picnic table, a Hilltop guard armed with a spear still only a few feet away. She felt herself stumble back into her old ways like she was riding a bike. If she wanted something from Negan, she couldn’t just ask for it, because there was always a price.

       So, she played conversation after conversation in her head until the outcome she wanted prevailed. Now, all she had to do was execute it and navigate, “We’re relocatin’ you for the next couple’a hours.”

       Blunt. To the point. The scrapping sound of Negan’s metal spoon in his bowl halted and he looked up towards her, a smirk forming on his face, “What? I’m no longer public enemy number one around here? You can’t be tellin’ me the kid’s takin’ my place.”

       Beth shrugged, nonchalantly, “You’ve been demoted.”

       Negan’s hand rested on his chest over his heart, “I’m touched really, but you’re gonna have to pry my cold dead hands from those cell bars.”

       She hummed, “It ain’t up for negotiation.”

       Negan’s head tilted to the side, clearly done playing games, “What do ya want, Beth?”

       She let some of her fear show then. It was real fear, but truth was her weapon when it came to Negan. Her head dropped towards the table and she shook it back and forth slightly, “I need ya to not interfere. Ya don’t understand what we saw. What it could mean. Not just for us, but for you too.”

       “You’d be surprised. My cell window may not be in the most optimal of places, but people’s voices carry. They talk,” Negan confessed.

       That’s exactly what Beth was hoping for because there was one thing Negan could never resist. And that was talking.

 

~

 

       Beth descended into the cellar, making sure her steps were soft and light, so as not to scare the girl more than necessary. It was drier than she remembered. Lighter too. But the cells still presented a menacing picture.

       She approached Negan’s old cell, now empty and barren. Just concrete and brick. The girl was huddled up in the back right corner of the cell and her eyes were almost bugging out of her head in fear as she followed Beth’s every movement. It struck a chord in her. She needed this to go well, so they wouldn’t have to go the more aggressive route. Sympathy flowed through her.

       “Hi, I’m Beth. What’s your name?” She started, keeping her voice soft and quiet.

       Beth was surprised to hear the girl answer, almost too quickly, like it was an automated response, “We don’t have names.”

       The answers she needed to get from her were a long way off, so she tagged onto the conversation instead of throwing interrogation questions at her, “Did ya ever have a name? Even if it was a long time ago.”

       “I don’t remember.”

       Lie. But nothing in her body language told Beth she was lying. In fact, it seemed like the truth, but her gut was telling her otherwise.

       “Do ya have any family out there?” She redirected.

       The girl shook her head back and forth, tears threatening to spill over, “You killed them… They’re gone.”

       Lie.

       Beth jumped back, trying to throw her off guard, “How old are ya?”

       The girl paused at that. Her automatic responses pausing. She broke eye contact briefly, before answering, “I don’t know.”

       True. However, the question alone seemed to jog something in her because her head fell back against the wall. Hard, like she was trying to knock something from her head. Or, maybe, it was just exhaustion, which could have easily been true, but something else was off.

       “What’s your name?” Beth asked again, hoping for a different answer or different response.

       She responded immediately, “We don’t have names.”

       Her answer hit her like a ton of bricks. It was in the exact same cadence. The exact same tone from when she first asked. Normally, she wouldn’t blink an eye at it, but it was so eerily similar that it jumped out at her with flashing red warning lights. It was like she was reading the answer from a script. Something was very wrong. And it went far deeper than just lying.

       Beth couldn’t physically tell if she was lying or not because Beth wasn’t sure even the girl knew whether she was or not anymore. The line between lie and truth had become so blurred she no longer knew the difference.

            Something was terribly wrong.

Notes:

So, we have full Whisperers filled chapter today. And first things first, I do want to say R.I.P. Tara! I loved her, but she had to go...

So, the first scene is sort of introducing the Whisperer's "superpower", if you will. Most of them are not good fighters. Their power lies in the walkers that they control. So, that whole first scene is showing that, plus we get a little bit of Beth choosing to become the person she knows she can be deep down. We have some dark magic happening between Daryl and Beth during this scene lol.

The tunnel/bridge scene is very similar to the one in the show when Daryl, Michonne, Aaron, Magna, and Yumiko, others find Lydia and bring her back to Hilltop. Now, we know that things are going to be going a bit differently from the show for a couple of reasons. Negan is throwing a bit of a wretch in things because he's at Hilltop instead of Alexandria...so, we'll see how that factors in later.

Beth starts questioning Lydia at the end of the chapter and I think Beth can tell something is up. She's sensing the sort of brainwashing through the quick, automatic responses. But we'll see what happens *shrugs innocently*.

For some reason the idea of Daryl leaning up against the back of Beth's chair really does something for me. I love that little detail for absolutely no reason and felt the need to point it out lol. Anyways, I am going to keep the end notes short. All the love and see you next Sunday/Monday (for some of you) <3

Chapter 56: Gift of Hunger

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I have a VERY interesting chapter for you guys. This chapter really came together at the very last minute. While I was writing, it only clicked into place at the very last second and now I am so excited to hear what you all think of this one...

All the love and thank you guys so much for the continued support and love on this story <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       Outside their walls stood animals. Animals wearing human faces. They may look like humans. Walk like humans. Talk like humans. But there was no mistaken their rabid nature. If he moved, they moved. And as their leader pushed forward through her mass of skins, he knew this was going to be a fight. Maybe not today, but it was coming. He could feel it. They’d been lucky too long. Just when peace and calm had started to feel normal again.

       He turned to look next to him and her long blond hair caught the reflection of the sun. Her usually warm and happy expression was done. Replaced by something colder, something that hardened a long time ago. He loved them both, but the thing was he’d do anything to keep her happy. Anything. But now they had to fight.

       Maybe not today, but he could smell it in the air. Nothing was safe unless they made it so.

       “I am Alpha. An’ we want only one thing from you…My daughter.”

 

~

 

       “Here,” Beth fed a ladle of water through the bars of Hilltop’s cell. She kept her arm from going through just in case the girl decided to break it or knock her out by yanking her against the bars.

       It would be a futile attempt. Beth didn’t have the keys to the cell on her, so all she’d accomplish is getting herself killed. From the little she’d seen of her, she seemed smart. Smart, but still a kid. She was curled up on the floor in the corner, but she slowly unfurled herself like a petrified animal. As she approached Beth, she couldn’t help but think she looked like a skittish cat, ready to bolt at any sign of movement.

       Her dark oily hair concealed the sides of her face and what wasn’t concealed was covered by dirt and grim. Not that Beth was judging, she knew what living out in the world looked like.

       Beth held the ladle just within the bars and the girl ducked her head down to sip from it. A part of her felt bad for making her drink like an animal, but Beth wasn’t an idiot. Anything could be used as a weapon, even a ladle.

       It was just as the thought crossed her mind, when the girl lashed out.

       Her hand darted out through the bars, trying to grab onto her. Beth’s body immediately reacted. She jerked back, but her own hand flew out and caught the girl’s arm in a death grip. She tried to yank out of it, but Beth held on because her eyes caught something. The girl’s sleeve had risen to the middle of her forearm and hiding underneath the dark dirtied material was probably something a lot darker.

       Thin, angry slashes marred the skin of her inner arm. They were layered on top of each other. Some were relatively healed underneath and some looked like they could’ve happened yesterday. The girl jerked her arm back through the bars, something deeply hurtful flashing in her eyes followed by what Beth could only describe as a thousand-yard stare.

       Then, it disappeared. Melted away in anger. And she lashed out with her words, “Are you gonna kill me now?” Her voice edged with anger as she paced away from Beth like she was trying to distance herself.

       Familiarity ringed in her head, like she was looking at someone she recognized and she couldn’t place her finger on it. Beth tilted her head, careful to not appear anything but calm herself even if a storm was raging in her head, “Do ya want us to?”

       The question seemed to force her out of her anger, but she stayed silent. Beth could still see the fear rolling off her, but after seeing the scars on her arm, the girl had retreated into survival mode. And that’s when it clicked. A lightning bolt struck her and she turned on her heals, exiting the cellar.

       “Wait!”

       Her distressed voice called to her, but Beth had to reevaluate what she thought she knew. She needed to talk to Daryl. Her distress at her leaving made Beth think she wanted information that she could, but lashing out to try and grab the ladle wasn’t a great way of accomplishing that. Then, Beth was reminded, she was a kid.

       The minute she stepped into the dying light of the day; Daryl came to her.

       She led him towards a secluded area near the stables, as far away from the cellar and any prying eyes as possible. Beth glanced around Hilltop and she caught a glimpse of dark hair run towards the house. She craned her neck to see Hershel. He was talking to someone she couldn’t see, but she made a mental note to visit with him later.

       Right now, her heart was in her throat, not knowing how Daryl would react to what she was about to say.

       “She’s bein’ abused,” Beth said under her breath, “Don’t know by who, but there’re scars all over her arm. She got…angry and defensive when I saw ‘em.”

       Daryl’s face didn’t change, but she knew him well enough to see the turmoil building up inside him, “What they look like?”

       “Thin slashes. Almost looked like she was whipped with somethin’ thin. Could tell she didn’t do it to herself,” Beth took a deep breath, “Her hidin’ ‘em makes me think—”

       “Yeah,” Daryl grunted, clearly following her train of thought.

       Beth treaded lightly, “I think you should talk to her. Ya might…see things I wouldn’t.”

       He watched her. The intensity in his eyes speaking all on its own, “If I go down there, ain’t gonna be gentle, Beth. We’re runnin’ outta time.”

       “I know,” she breathed out as she brushed her baby hairs off the edges of her face, “They killed Tara. Can’t waste time buildin’ trust right now. She…it was almost like she was conditioned. Kept repeatin’ the same things over an’ over again. Everythin’ sounded rehearsed, ‘cept when I asked how old she was. Said she didn’t know.”

       Daryl took in the information, chewing on the inside of his cheek, until something in him seemed to harden, “Get Negan.”

       Beth hesitated, “You sure?”

       Daryl nodded. All the turmoil she saw swirling beneath the surface was gone and in its place was sheer determination to protect his family no matter the cost. Even if that meant using Negan, someone he despised. Beth reached for him, her hand gently grasping the underside of his jaw. His eyes fell to hers and she could see the hardness in him edged with something deadly.

       He no longer guarded his darkness from her. She saw him for who he was. Loved him for every whole and broken part. Loved him for his darkness and his light. Always had. Beth tugged him towards her and pressed her lips to his. It was brief, but demanding. Needy. It was a promise.

       “Do what ya have to,” she whispered against him. The unspoken part hung between them, granting permission. I see you. And I’m not afraid.

 

~

 

       The smell of fresh churned Earth was one Beth had grown to love, but often times it correlated with death. With burying someone she loved. It was hard to separate the two, but it also had been a long time since she’d kneeled at a fresh grave. Beth visited Aidan and Tyreese often. She told everyone her visits were for keeping relations up between the Kingdom and Alexandria, but Daryl, Deanna, and Sasha knew why she was really going.

       Beth let her hands sink into the fresh dirt piled onto Tara’s grave. The worst part was she knew she’d gone painfully. It felt like a knife rummaging through her gut thinking about all the ways things could’ve gone differently. What if Beth had made the call to run for the carriage instead of going back up the water tower? What if Tara had dropped down last? What if? What if?

       Warm tears trekked down her face and dripped onto her dirt covered hands when she felt a presence by her side, “She would’ve been pissed if she knew we were crying over her instead of eating those gross red rope candies and sharing stories about all the dumbass things she’s done over the years.”

       Rosita was kneeling next to her, eyes glazed over, staring at the piece of wood marking Tara’s grave. Despite herself, Beth chuckled softly, “You’re right…Are you doin’ alright? Eugene? Aaron? M’sorry I haven’t…I know it’s a stupid question, but—”

       “Hey, don’t do that. We’re all alright. We all know you and Daryl are workin’ on keepin’ us safe. Everyone mourns in their own time…no right way to do it,” Rosita replied, watching her carefully. She took a deep breath, “We quit bitchin’ and move forward. That’s what we do. It’s what Tara would’ve wanted.”

       Quit bitchin’ and move forward.

       That wasn’t the first time Beth heard Rosita say it and she hoped it wouldn’t be the last, because as blunt and harsh as it was, it reminded her there was no way to move but forward. It was the kick in the ass she needed to continue regardless of how she felt.

       Beth let her head fall onto Rosita’s shoulder as she grasped onto her hand and she repeated it for them both, “Quit bitchin’ and move forward.”

       It was an ode to Tara and reassurance to herself and Rosita that they’d keep going. Tara would be remembered and they’d hold her with them as they moved forward.

           

~

 

       Daryl settled against the building next to the barred cell window. And he listened. Night was falling and he had first shift knowing he’d get the most information now rather than later. A squeak came from the hinges of the cell below as Alden and Enid put Negan back in for the night. Low muffled voices reached his ears, but all he cared about was getting answers and quickly. He didn’t like the idea, but they were out of time.

       Beth was on edge. He had watched her pace their room after she’d come back from giving Hershel some knife throwing pointers, dread coming off her in waves. Her long hair was unbound, a single braid falling against her face. He recognized it was how Judith wore her hair. She wanted to be like Beth because she looked up to her. Daryl remembered the girl asking him to teach her and it took him a second to realize Judith wanted to surprise Beth.

       The girl was an amalgamation of so many people he loved. Judith had the katana to represent Michonne, her gun for Rick, her knife for him, and the old sheriff’s hat for Carl, and her hair for Beth. Daryl wondered if she inherited all of their darkness too.

       His eyes trailed Beth back and forth. The way she moved flung him back into the woods where he watched her down walkers and Whisperers alike without mercy. She had been alluring, deadly. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. Her willingness to shift and change to protect whoever was around her captured him. And the tension they held between them since that moment hadn’t disappeared, not entirely.

       He watched her busy herself while they waited, until he couldn’t take it anymore.

       They hadn’t had much time, but he made the most of it. Wore her out until her eyes could barely stay open. Something about the way she clung to him still held him in a chokehold. It wasn’t soft or gentle. They hadn’t even made it to the bed and instead opted for the floor, but he could see it was what she needed in the way her fingernails drew blood. In the way she muffled her screams into his shoulder, biting with her teeth and soothing with her tongue. In the way she kept him inside her long after they’d both hurtled over the edge.

       It was desperation for some semblance of comfort. And an outlet for their collective darkness to be released. Now, his mind was clear.

       Daryl fiddled with the ring latched onto his knife sheath. His finger ran around the edges as he waited. He waited and he listened, because as much as he wanted to go in there himself and remove Negan from the equation altogether, he knew this would be faster. Negan never shut the hell up and he definitely wouldn’t start now.

       Alden and Enid came out of the cellar, locking them in. They both nodded at him as they passed, making sure not to speak so this half-baked plan wasn’t blown before it even started. There was a clinking of metal down below and he guessed one of them was dragging their food tray across the ground.

       Then, it started. Negan’s voice broke the silence below, "Been a long time since I had a cellmate. And even longer since someone beat me to the top of the shit list. So, what'd ya do?"

       There was a long pause before the girl answered, but Daryl could hear her loud a clear, "My people…I think they killed one of theirs."

       Negan hummed, "That'll do it."

       "What’d you do?" she asked, clearly less on edge then when Beth had been down there.

       Negan let the question stand in the air and Daryl wondered if he’d tell her the truth. Then, he remembered what Beth had always said. Negan’s weapon was the truth. So, instead, he wondered how he’d twist it.

       "What's your name, kid?"

       A pause, then a quiet, "Lydia."

       "Lydia…that's a nice name," Negan said, his tone becoming more serious, "Well, Lydia, I used to have my own people. Let's just say I understand the losing side."

       “Did they…kill them? Your people,” Lydia asked hesitantly, like she wasn’t really sure if she wanted to know the answer.

       “Some, but not as many as I was willin’ to kill.”

       A silence fell in the cellar below until she spoke again, but this time her voice was heavy, deeper, “Places like this always fall. You understand that. They don't. My mom…she understands.”

       Understands. Not understood.

       "Your mom huh? Sounds like a smart woman, but don’t get it twisted. I may be down here rottin’ away, but I understand that’s how it’s gotta be.”

       “Why? The world doesn’t belong to them. It belongs to the dead. Only those strong enough to roam with them are worthy to survive.”

       Daryl halted and he finally heard what Beth had been talking about. Everything she’d said up to that point sounded like a teenager, a kid just trying to survive, but what she just said sounded like someone else’s voice coming out of her mouth.

       Negan actually sounded concerned as he asked, “Your mom told ya that?”

       “She’s strong. She makes me strong.”

       And at that moment Daryl knew. He didn’t have to see her to know. Her words rang true because they were constantly told to her over and over again. Beat into her until she believed them herself.

       Makin’ ya stronger, boy. Ain’t gonna have a pansy ass piece’a shit for a son.

       He heard his dad’s voice for the first time in years. And he knew exactly what type of mom Lydia had. Beth was right. She had been conditioned over years. Suddenly, this whole situation turned into something completely different. This wasn’t about interrogating her about her people. Daryl knew she’d give it willingly if only he could show her what her mom truly was.

       Negan changed the subject, probably sensing the same thing Daryl had, "Hey kid, you want this other bread roll? Can roll it over to ya. Wasn't ever much for bowlin', but I could hit a mean strike when I wanted to."

       Daryl heard shuffling in Lydia’s cell, "You don't have to take care of me."

       He chuckled, "Well, shit, I was just tryin' not to waste food, but if you're goin' on a hunger strike or some shit outta protest, you go right ahead."

       "Keep it. Hunger's a gift."

       Negan scoffed, but there was curiosity in his tone, "How the hell is hunger a gift? Sounds like you’re not too keen on livin’."

       Lydia sounded defeated, "If I have to explain it, you wouldn't understand."

       "Try me, kid."

       "It'll never be okay again."

       Daryl heard the monotonous way she spoke like it was another rehearsed line. Undoubtedly, something feed to her over and over again.

       "Says who?" Negan asked, clearly trying to get her to elaborate.

       "My dad. She… He always said that."

       He heard the slip up and he wondered if Lydia knew or the lie was becoming harder to believe when she was no longer around the person constantly feeding it to her. If Negan caught it, he didn’t point it out, but what he said next told Daryl he’d heard it too.

       "Sounds like a prick."

       Negan was goading her, trying to see how deep the brainwashing went. Would she defend him or her mother?

       She didn’t answer at first. Daryl thought the conversation was over, but Lydia finally spoke up. Her voice was a lot quieter, “My dad used to sing to me when I was scared. He would take my finger and trace it across his tattoo to help calm me down. When everything happened, he…he— She protected me from him. And when everything happened, she was stronger. Stronger than him. And we survived. We found our people. Places like this always fall, but if you walk with the dead, they’ll protect you.”

       Daryl’s head thudded against the brick wall behind him and his eyes shut. Shit. Lydia wasn’t just lied to and manipulated. This was years and years of being broken down. And he wasn’t sure anyone could bring her out of it, because it was clear her mom wasn’t just a part of this group. She couldn’t be. Others followed her and she’d come looking for her daughter one way or another.

       As Daryl listened to Lydia weave a carefully crafted story of an abusive piece of shit father dying from a walker bite and a heroic mother saving her life, he knew she was in a lot deeper than either he or Beth planned for.

 

 

~

 

 

       The cellar was plunged in shadows, only the flickering flame of the torch lit up Lydia’s cell enough for Daryl to see her curled up in the corner. He dragged a stool across the floor and placed it in front of her cell, but he didn’t sit. The sound of scrapping against concrete caused her to flinch and her wide, fear-riddled eyes turned to him.

       No more playing games. It was time to apply pressure. It may have been the middle of the night, but he wasn’t leaving until he got answers.      

        He started with a question he already knew the answer to, “Who are you? Answer the question.” All she did was stare, her breathing picking up, “You wanna die? Is that it?”

       Negan piped up from his cell, “Daryl, man, relax. She’s just—"

       “Quiet!” Daryl yelled, his eyes never leaving Lydia. And he asked again, “Do ya? The people up there just buried a good woman. And they’re ready to string you up right now. All I gotta do is say the word… How many in your group?”

       She stuttered, “I already told you—”

       Daryl pulled the keys to her cell out of his back pocket and unlocked the door. He stalked towards her as she gasped and tried to scurry away, but there was nowhere to go. He grasped onto her arm and hauled her to her feet, “Get up! How many?”

       “Ten! Ten! There were ten of us!” Lydia yelled, breathing heavily, “I think. We wore skins to blend in. We didn’t have names. I mean—I mean, we did, but we didn’t use them.”

       Lie. Lydia grasped at the bars behind her as he held her against them, applying only a bit of pressure to her throat. Only enough to scare, not to hurt. “How long you been out ‘round here?”

       “I don’t know. We moved around with the dead. I mean, the skins made them leave us alone. They protected us, so we protected them.”

       “You got a camp? Walls?”

       A brief look of confusion crossed her face, then she had the audacity to scoff even with his hand wrapped around her throat, “Walls? Walls don’t keep you safe. Places like this don’t make it. They never make it. That’s how it is.”

       Her face crumbled slightly, voice cracking, “My mom and me, we saw it happen over and over. I—I barely remember the world before all this. But my mom, she told me how it was changing, how we had to change with it, how we needed the dead and each other to keep safe. We’re never alone.”

       “Why’d your people kill our people?” He growled, anger boiling over thinking about Tara. About everything they’d been through and how easily she was taken from them for no other reason than because she was there. Daryl drew his knife, angling it right next to Lydia’s nose, “Tell me!”

       Her face contorted with fear as she tried to back as far away from his as she could, “We were always gonna kill you, okay! It’s just what people do now. Everybody still alive is a threat. It’s us or them.”

       True. Daryl doubled back, sensing an in, “How many people in your group?”

       “I already—”

       “The truth!”

       “It is the truth!” She gasped and sputtered.

       He held the knife closer, “Don’t lie to me!”

       “My mom! And the others. There’re others! Please. Don’t go looking for them. Please,” she begged.

       A split second of silence passed before he said, “Liar.”

       The hand gripping her throat dropped and clutched her wrist. He yanked her towards the cell door. She sunk all her weight to the floor, trying to slow him down, “No! No! I told you the truth!”

       “I told ya what was gonna happen!” He yelled.

       Negan called his name, “Daryl! You’ve made your point!”

       “Shut up!”

       Lydia started crying, “That was everything! I swear. Please. Please. Let go of me! Please, Daryl, please don’t kill me.”

       Daryl let go and she fell back onto her butt and scurried backward on her hands and feet until she hit the wall furthest from him, but he wasn’t done, “Get up. Now.”

       She cried, but obeyed, shrinking in on herself. It struck him hard how small she was. It looked like she’d barely eaten in years. His knife was still out and by his side and he waved her forward and out of the cell. Lydia kept her eyes on him as she passed and kept her distance, clearly wanting to get as far away from him as possible.

       He led her to the stairs of the cellar and nudged her up them. She stumbled a bit, but eventually Daryl opened them to the humid night air. Hilltop was mostly quiet. No one around. It’s exactly what he needed. Lydia couldn’t just be told places like this still existed. She needed to see it.

       Her head whipped around looking at everything they’d cultivated over the years. Daryl knew he was taking a risk bring her out her, but time had run out. “Sit,” he grunted, gesturing to one of the benches with a table. Lydia practically trembled as she lowered herself until she was perched on the bench. She was on high alert.

       Daryl pulled out his bandana from his back pocket and bound her wrists, making sure to plant them on the table between them, so he could see them at all times.

       “Thinking this place isn’t going to fall like every other place…it’s messed up. You’re lying to yourselves,” Lydia broke the silence, sounding defeated.

       “We ain’t walkin’ ‘round in skins killin’ anyone we come across,” Daryl replied, his knife resting on the table, letting the sight of it be a threat all on its own.

       “Why’d you bring me up here? Thought you were gonna kill me.”

       “Ain’t decided yet,” he watched her carefully.

       Her tone was monotonous, unphased, “You’re an asshole. Just like my dad.”

       Lie. Daryl got up from the bench and Lydia flinched away, eyes going wide again, but he bent over a picked up the budding birch branch he found earlier. It still had leaves on it and as he sat back down Daryl started stripping the leaves off each twig.

       “Ya know, some dads would come up with any excuse…just to beat the shit outta their kids. Maybe they’re drunk. Maybe they can’t get drunk. Belts are good. But these assholes, they ain’t picky. They’ll use whatever’s layin’ around. But a good switch from a birch tree…that’ll work. Your dad sounded a lot like one’a those dads. ‘Cept for the part where he sang to ya when you were scared. Those dads…they like it when you’re scared. Thing is that’s the only part of your story that didn’t sound like bullshit. And those bruises on your arm are fresh. They come from a beating. So let me ask you, if your dad’s dead, who gave ‘em to ya?”

       “You were listening. That whole time,” she stated, less accusatory and more contemplative. She squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze until she started looking around again, taking in Hilltop. “My mom.”

       True. Daryl kept pushing, “Where is she?”

       “Be glad you don’t know,” Lydia’s lips almost curling.

       “Where is she?” Daryl leaned his forearms onto the table between them, “Where’s her camp?” At the last second, he switched gears, “Why’re you protectin’ her? Huh? You’re safer here.”

       “This place isn’t real. The world changed and you’re all actin’ like it’s gonna change back. My mom walks ‘cause that’s what the dead do. It’s their world and we have to live in it. And what my mom does,” Lydia lifted up her sleeve, revealing her scars, “She does for a reason.”

       Something in his chest seized up, rage bubbling up, but not at Lydia. For her. “Your mom beats ya ‘cause she loves you, right? That’s bullshit.”

       The answer was immediate, “No, it isn’t. When you stay soft people die. When you can’t bend, you break. Just like my dad.”

       “That ain’t true. We’re makin’ it better. We’re buildin’ it back up again, changin’ it back.”

       “Yeah?” Lydia replied almost mockingly, “You don’t belong with these people. Maybe you used to, but not anymore. You’re hard. They’re soft.

       “You don’t know shit ‘bout me.”

       “So, tell me. I know about the woman, the one who was down there before. Beth. People like her belong here, but you—”

       A deep growl resonated in the back of his throat and audibly through the night, “Don’t ever say her name like ya know. You don’t know shit.” He needed to breath, but suddenly a shrill cry pierced through the air.

       His head whipped towards the noise to see Beth walking down the steps of the house with a crying baby bundled in her arms. She was rocking them back and forth, cooing at them softly. His heart squeezed when, for a split second, he imagined it was their baby in her arms.

       Beth must have felt eyes on her because she turned towards him. A grin tugged at the corner of her lips, but apprehension tensed her body as her eyes fell to Lydia. Soon her apprehension melted to concern and when Daryl followed her line of sight to Lydia, the girl’s eyes were glued to the crying baby.

       Then, her head fell into her bound hands. And her body started rocking back and forth. Daryl reached for her, afraid she’d start tearing her hair out, “Lydia.”

       Beth was by his side in an instant. She handed him the baby without hesitation and kneeled down in front of Lydia, who seemed to be mumbling to herself. Beth tried to catch her eye, “Lydia, what’s wrong? Does somethin’ hurt?”

       That’s when Daryl finally heard what she was repeating. Over and over again.

       She’s a good person. She’s a good person. She’s a good person.

       Her breathing was getting heavier until her head whipped up to look at him with alarm, her eyes dropping like stones to the baby in his arms, “Put me back in the cell.”

       Lydia was curled up around herself, her hands pulled into her chest like a shield as she struggled to catch her breath. Beth quickly unbound her hands and said, “Okay, but you gotta do somethin’ for me first. You gotta breath. Breath with me, Lydia.”

       His wife took in a deep breath, her chest expanding. He was surprised to see Lydia following her lead. Her eyes were a thousand miles away, like she was looking through Beth, but she did as she was told. Once. Twice. Three times.

       “Good. Alright. You’re okay. No one’s gonna hurt you,” Beth soothed. Daryl thought it was remarkable. He often wondered if Beth was too good for this world. How her kindness survived up to this point was beyond him, but he couldn’t be surprised. Beth was the strongest person he knew.

       She stood up to take the baby back from him, but Lydia reached out for her, “Wait.” She looked between them both, “I don’t wanna be alone. Please.”

       Daryl looked to Beth and without even having to say anything, he knew. He saw the way her face softened and the way the tension left her shoulders as she said, “I’ll stay with her. Get sum sleep. You’ve been up all night.”

       His heart thundered at leaving her down there with not only Lydia, but Negan too. However, she could take care of herself. Lydia seemed to need someone and he wasn’t about to deny her that after everything he put her through. Daryl would just fill Beth in tomorrow.

       “Alright,” he nodded. Beth grinned at him reassuringly before walking Lydia back to the cellar.

       Until he realized he missed one crucial piece of information, “Beth,” she turned back towards him, “Who’s fuckin’ baby is this?”

 

~

 

       Beth awoke with a shooting pain in her hip. Her eyes peeled open to see iron bars painting her vision and for a second she was back at the Sanctuary. Back in her cell, locked away until Negan wanted to play with her. Her heart jackhammered inside her chest until her eyes started to adjust. She saw Lydia laying on the other side of the bars. She was practically curled up against them asleep. And her breathing started to calm down again.

       It struck Beth how young she looked when all the panic and tension was drained from her face. Not looked. Lydia was young. Too young for everything she’d already endured and she was sure she didn’t even know the half of it.

       The thudding of the cellar doors slamming open jolted Lydia awake. Panic drowning in her eyes as she bolted up, but when she saw Beth, her whole demeanor seemed to relax. Daryl appeared around the corner, trailing behind Jesus, who made a beeline for Negan’s cell.

       “Well, good mornin’ to you too, sunshine,” Negan’s chirper voice cut through the cellar.

       Jesus shook his head while he led him out of his cell and towards the stairs, “Come on.”

       To Negan’s credit he didn’t say a word as he walked past them, just gave one of his ever-knowing smiles that used to piss her the hell off. Just when he was about to disappear up the stairs, Lydia yelled, “Wait!”

       Jesus halted and so did Negan. Her eyes bounced between Daryl and Beth like she was looking for permission before speaking to Negan, when she didn’t get any push back, she said, “I was wrong…It wasn’t—”

       “I know, kid,” Negan genuinely smiled, but underneath Beth could see the concern. She could see it because he had looked at her like that once upon a time. He cared about Lydia.

       It was a brief exchange, one she didn’t understand, but was sure Daryl did. Once the doors to the cellar closed again, Lydia spoke up, “My mom’s not coming for me. None of them are. If someone dies or gets taken or whatever, they move on. Like they never existed. It’s how it’s always been. They don’t come into contact with big groups unless they don’t have another choice.”

       Beth reached a hand through the bars, fingertips brushing Lydia’s, because she looked about ready to let the ground swallow her whole.

       Daryl’s gravelly voice asked, “What’d she do if she crossed any’a our people?”

       Lydia’s head dropped, “Can’t think of a reason she’d keep them alive…I’m sorry.”

       “Does she got a camp somewhere?” Daryl continued.

       She nodded, “Near the guard bridge. But we don’t…They don’t stay in one place for long.” Beth caught the switch between we and they. She took it as a small victory.

       “An’ the story ya told Negan?”

       Lydia breathed in, her voice catching, “I thought all of it was true. I needed it to be. But I had it all mixed up. It was a lie. But the lie wasn’t mine. My mom…she told it to me over and over for years. But…deep down, I knew. I knew what she was. I knew what she did.”

       She paused, her head turning up towards the ceiling and Beth saw the glimmer of tears in gathering in her eyes, “He was against the wall…scared. And my mom was there. Had that cold look in her eye. Then she—she got her knife. And then she—”

       “It’s okay,” Daryl interrupted, his voice a lot softer, “It’s okay. We’ve heard enough.”

       Beth looked to Daryl, her face falling in horror. She knew it was going to be bad, but this was something else altogether. Beth couldn’t imagine a mother doing something like that to their child.

       Her voice was small, but determined, and Beth felt her hand slide further into hers, “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. I’m sorry I wasted your time.”

       Daryl shook his head, “You didn’t.”

       “There’s something else. This place…it’s called Hilltop, right?” Lydia asked, tension filling her for a reason Beth couldn’t quite pinpoint.

       He nodded in confirmation and Lydia breathed out a sigh of relief, “Why?”

       “A few days ago, a couple of them were following a group. They said they were picked up and taken to a big place with walls and guards, but it wasn’t called Hilltop,” Lydia explained.

       Beth’s heart dropped as Daryl asked the same question blaring in her mind, “What’d they call it?”

       Lydia’s eyes bounced back and forth between them, confusion furrowing her brow, “Alexandria.”

 

~

 

       Carl stood on the guard post at the front gates of Alexandria. He watched as animals gathered outside their walls. Animals wearing human faces. They may look like humans. Walk like humans. Talk like humans. But there was no mistaken their rabid nature. If he moved, they moved. And as their leader pushed forward through her mass of skins, he knew this was going to be a fight. Maybe not today, but it was coming. He could feel it. They’d been lucky too long. Just when peace and calm had started to feel normal again.

       He turned to look next to him and Mika’s long blond hair caught the reflection of the sun. Her usually warm and happy expression was done. Replaced by something colder, something that hardened a long time ago. He loved them both, but the thing was he’d do anything to keep her happy. Anything. But now they had to fight.

       Maybe not today, but he could smell it in the air. Nothing was safe unless they made it so.

       The leader finally spoke, “I am Alpha. An’ we want only one thing from you…My daughter.”

       Carl turned to look down at Gabriel, who was hastily coming their way with Carol, Abraham, and Sasha. He glanced at Mika, who was watching him. Her eyes were edged in panic. When he looked back at Gabriel, Carl gave the command, “Radio Hilltop.”

Notes:

So, SUPER SUPER interesting chapter with a lot of character develop for Lydia (and even some for Negan??)! I want to start with the interrogation scenes since that is the baulk of this chapter. Lydia's questioning goes very similarly in the show, however there are still some very stark differences that are worth noting. Henry isn't here and there's a reason for that and we'll get into it. So, the next best tactic is to use Negan to get Lydia to put her guard down. Which is risky and both Beth and Daryl know that. Negan is very smart and manipulative, but Beth understands his weakness for kids, so they took a chance.

Lydia opens up to Negan a little bit because he is also a prisoner of Hilltop and she tries to play on what she assumes is his hatred for Hilltop, but she's surprised to find Negan doesn't really have any ill feelings towards the place that keeps him prisoner, which is confusing for her to say the least.

Daryl and Lydia's interrogation goes similarly mostly because I really wanted to keep Daryl's monologue about abusive dads. I've always loved how well they showed his intelligence and emotional intelligence during those scenes. Daryl is very harsh with Lydia, but I do think its understandable when you take into account Tara is dead and they feel like since Lydia's mother is the leader of the Whisperers, it's only a matter of time before they come for them.

Just like the show Lydia's walls are broken down by seeing a crying baby and I think Beth's kindness, Negan's acceptance of being where he's at, and Daryl calling bullshit all chipped away at them until they crumbled down. And weirdly enough, that funny little quip I added where Daryl asks Beth who's baby he was holding was another smack to the face for Lydia, because I think it implies there isn't just one baby at Hilltop. There are enough for Daryl to not even know who's baby is who's. It's just another way her mother is a liar and those lies keep adding up.

Rosita and Beth have a really sweet moment together. I took the scene in season 11 where Gabriel repeats Rosita's quote back to her, "Quit bitchin' and move forward." And I incorporated it here. It feels very fitting for Rosita and Tara in this moment and the bonding between Beth and Rosita.

So, finally to the sort of twist and reveal at the end! Did anyone guess it was Carl and Mika instead of Beth and Daryl at the beginning?? I'd be so curious if anyone guessed! But the Whisperers are at Alexandria! I set this up a couple of chapters ago when I made the conscious choice to put Whisperers in the horde following Connie, Luke, Kelly, Magna, and Yumiko. There's a little blurb at the end of that chapter revealing the two Whisperers that followed the group all the way back to Alexandria. So, we have a bit of a conundrum on our hands lol!

Anyways, all the love and I can't wait to hear what you all think <3<3

Chapter 57: You Lied

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Hope you all are doing well! Question: Should I change the rating of this story to Explicit? I've been debating, but I want to know your thoughts.

TW: Extreme violence. This chapter has a scene near the end that is pretty violent and I just wanted to put a warning just in case.

Side note: The chapter numbers on my story seemed to have gotten messed up? This chapter should be 57, but it may be listing it as 58 and not showing up in the chapter index. Let me know if you're having any problems seeing it in the index. Thank you!

All the love and I'll see you in the comments <3

       Carl counted. He counted thirty-one. Thirty-one skin masks standing outside their walls. It didn’t look like they had any serious weapons. In fact, he questioned whether some of them had weapons at all. Even with some of Alexandria’s best fighters still at Hilltop, they could take them.

       Mika was a good shot with her crossbow. Not just good. She picked it up quicker than she had any type of gun. Carl knew Daryl was partly to thank for insisting he train with her every day, but Mika was a natural. She could take Alpha out with one shot to the head. All he had to do was give the signal, but then again, would he want to risk her? If she killed Alpha, the heat would come down on her.

       So, Carl reworked his plan. He had to be the one to take her out. He was good with his spear. Noah had taught him well, but he wasn’t nearly as accurate as Mika was with her crossbow. He’d have one shot at this. His fingers tightened around his spear.

       “Your daughter isn’t here,” Gabriel shouted through the gates towards Alpha, “She never was.”

       Alpha swayed back and forth almost imperceptibly, her head tilting like an animal accessing their prey, “You’re right. She’s not, but I know you can get her. I show you my face because we mean you no harm. I just want my daughter.”

       “Or you can leave now and no one gets hurt,” Carl was sick of always waiting, always being on the defensive. It’s what happened with the Saviors. This time had to be different.

       Alpha’s beady eyes turned up towards him and it was like a laser piercing through his skull, “Wrong answer.”

       She held up her fist towards the sky. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mika string her crossbow and load her bolt. All at once, people with skin masks filed out of the trees like ants congregating around something sweet, but they stayed spread out enough to cover the entire road. They were purposefully blocking the entrance. And the exit.

       He held out his hand towards Mika, making sure the lip of the wall hid any of his movement. Not yet. She paused, following his signal and not lifting her crossbow to her shoulder.

       Alpha’s sickly sweet southern accent rang out again, “Which one of you leads these people?”

       Gabriel walked closer to the gate, addressing her with what Carl referred to as his priestly smile. It was a tactic to make others feel at ease while talking with him, but Gabriel once told him it was a double-edged sword. Something as simple as a smile could inspire comfort, but the same smile in a different circumstance could also cause unease. And Carl recognized his calm demeanor as what it was: a tactical façade.

       “We are not led by just one person,” Gabe offered, vaguely.

       Alpha shrugged, “Then I’ll just address all’a you… Your people crossed into our land. There will be no conflict. Your people killed our people. There will be no conflict. I’m done talkin’. Bring me my daughter before days end or there will be conflict.”

       Carl shifted, anger boiling up in his gut at being commanded within his own home, “And what’s stoppin’ us from killin’ all of you right now?”

       Even from up on the outlook, Carl could see the slight smirk tugging on Alpha’s lips as she answered, “You seem to want conflict. I don’t. So, I’m proposing a trade.”

       His mounting anger disintegrated into gut churning fear. It slid icily through his entire body as he watched two of Alpha’s people yank off the skin masks of two others. It took his brain a second to register who he was looking at and then the familiarity hit him like a ton of bricks. Ezekiel and Henry.

       “I wanted to kill them. But I want my daughter more. One’a mine. Two’a yours. It’s a good trade, which is why you’re gonna take it.”

           

~

 

       “That girl told me what her mom does ta her. Ain’t sendin’ her back to that,” Daryl growled low in his throat.

       “We may not have another choice,” Rick said, squeezing the bridge of his nose.

       Daryl’s eyes narrowed, “The hell we do—”

       “He’s right. That’s not who we are,” Beth interrupted before the situation continued to escalate, “I know we protect our people at all costs an’ above all else, but Lydia is one’a us now. We’re all she’s got and I’m not gonna just let her go back to that…”

       Gabriel’s radio message from Alexandria hung in the air, holding them all hostage. Time was of the essence and unfortunately, they were running out of it by debating what to do instead of getting to Alexandria.

       Maggie sighed, “What’re our other options?” It was serious question and one Beth didn’t have an answer to.

       “You said they weren’t trained fighters,” Glenn reiterated.

       Rosita shook her head, “No. Once we figured out what their trick was, we downed them pretty quickly. Stealth is their only advantage.”

       “That we know of,” Rick added as an afterthought. He was right. They barely knew anything about these people except what Lydia told them. Beth was more inclined to believe they were a threat rather than underestimate them.

       Beth twisted her ring around her finger, “What’s ta stop ‘em from runnin’ a herd right through Alexandria or Hilltop?” It was a rhetorical question, but a part of her wondered why Alpha was waiting patiently for them to deliver her daughter when she could just run them through without thought.

       Maybe it really was because she had no idea where Hilltop was and therefore where her daughter actually was, but it was a pretty big assumption to think Hilltop and Alexandria were tied together in any way. That thought only confirmed her suspicion even more. The Whisperers had been watching Alexandria.

       “Maybe she knows they don’t gotta chance comin’ up against us,” Maggie offered.

       Rick’s hand was rested on his gun holster, like he was pulling comfort from it, “Ya said Lydia told ya her mom wouldn’t come for her, but she did. Means she has to have somethin’ if she’s willin’ to break her own rules.”

       Before anyone could offer up anything more, Aaron burst through the study door, a grave look on his face. Beth nearly let her head fall into her hands just from his demeanor alone, knowing only bad news would follow.

       Aaron’s chest heaved, “Alexandria contacted. Alpha is offering a trade for Lydia. They have Ezekiel and Henry.”

       And there it was. Exactly what Rick just said. Just from what Daryl told her about Lydia’s mother, Beth knew she was smart. Now, it all made sense. She felt safe to challenge them because she had a bargaining chip.

       “What?” Michonne exclaimed, “Why’re they at Alexandria to begin with?”

       Aaron shook his head, “She’s given us until the end of the day or she’ll kill them.”

       A soft voice spoke up from the back of the room, “You have to take me back.” When Beth turned, she saw Lydia standing within the threshold of Hilltop’s study. Her hands were clasped in front of her and her shoulders were rolled forward making her appear smaller. “She wasn’t supposed to come for me. She broke her own rules.”

        Lydia shrank from all the attention, but her eyes were glued to Daryl, “Maybe she’s sorry…”

       Daryl’s lips thinned, “Nah, she ain’t. They ain’t ever sorry.” His tone was soft, but he still made sure she heard him. Beth saw the shared connection between them. The bond only the two of them could understand. It broke her heart knowing it was a bond forged through pain from the people who should only ever do the opposite.

       Lydia rolled her lips into her mouth, before she stood up straighter to address the room, “It doesn’t matter. I’m gonna go. I have to.”

       Beth stood, “Lydia, no. We can find—”

       “I want to,” A sad grin pulled her face taunt, “She’s my mother and they’re my people. I miss them… And I’m gonna be okay.”

       Tears started burning Beth’s eyes as she realized what she was doing. Lydia was trying to make it easy for them to send her back. Her heart squeezed, making it difficult to breath.

       Daryl seemed to read her mind, “Beth and I’ll take ya… We’ll be faster alone.”

       No one dared argue, but Rick said, “Alright, but we’ll be followin’ behind.”

 

~

 

       “What’re you gonna do?”

       Beth rested her head against the cell bars, knowing full well she was putting herself within his grasp to choke or bash her skull against the iron bars. She squeezed her eyes shut hard enough she saw flashing white light streak behind her eyelids, “I don’t know.”

       Negan hummed deep in his chest, “You won’t be able to live with it.”

       She nearly laughed, “You don’t know what I can live with. What I do live with.”

       “All I know is if you’ve stooped low enough to come down here to talk to me…well, can’t be goin’ your way up there.”

       She sighed, “She already chose for us…”

       Negan shifted closer to the bars, “An’ let me guess…she said she’s goin’ back.”

       Beth nodded in confirmation, her heart squeezing, “She didn’t even hesitate… I thought you should know.”

       His tone shifted and Beth recognized his more sincere cadence, “She’s a good kid, Beth. You wanna send her back to—”

       “No. Ya know I don’t,” Beth interrupted, “Neither does Daryl. But we have no choice. An’ Alpha knows that. She made sure’a it.”

        Negan was uncharacteristically quiet, so Beth backed away and looked up at him. All her masks dropped, the ones she only wore around him, “If there’s somethin’ you’re seein’ that we’re not, Negan, please…”

       His hands wrapped around the bars and it took everything in Beth not to back away, “You kill ‘em all before they get a chance.”

 

~

 

       Daryl scanned the road, his head constantly on a swivel. It was surprisingly quiet. No walkers. No animals. Something didn’t feel right. Usually if there were no walkers, he could hear the animals skittering through the brush of the woods. Now, it was just quiet. The calm before the storm.

       His eyes landed on Beth riding up ahead. She swayed back and forth on top of her horse. Her bow and sheath of arrows were bumping against her hip and back. Daryl wasn’t one for horses, but it was the fastest way to get to Alexandria before the day was up. And even after hours of travelling, he couldn’t think of a way not to give Lydia up.

       She clutched tightly to his back as his horse clopped along, following Beth’s lead. The girl behind him grasping his sides was a constant reminder of how he failed her. She’d gotten away and now he was bringing her right back. If anyone had tried to bring him back to his father, he would’ve killed them, but not Lydia. She was surprisingly calm. And he wondered if it was just for their benefit.

       He saw the look on Beth’s face when Lydia said she’d go back. Saw the way his wife subconsciously reached towards her. How her face fell in anguish. And he recognized the way Lydia deflected her own pain, because its exactly what Beth used to do. For the benefit of others, she would pretend everything was all right, but it wasn’t. Everything was fucked up.

       Daryl heard Lydia take in a sharp breath behind him before she said, “I was wrong. She’s not weak. None of you are. My mom…they were her words, not mine. I just heard them my whole life.”

       “You’re not either,” Daryl replied, trying his best to undo some of the shit her mom was constantly whispering in her ear, “Doin’ what you’re doin’ now for people ya don’t even know…you’re better than ‘em. Stronger than ya think.”

       “I’m not…I’ve done things—”

       “We all done things we ain’t proud’a. No one left alive who hasn’t,” Daryl interrupted. He didn’t want her putting them on a pedestal. They may be trying to do the right thing. Rebuild and grow, but they had to survive just like everyone else.

       “I bet all of it was to keep your people safe. You put love over surviving. That’s never how it was for us. My mom… she used to say ‘You have to do whatever it takes to protect what you love, even from themselves.’ But it wasn’t real. I think she loves me in her own way, but… I saw how you treated Beth. How she treated you. How you all treat each other. Seein’ it from the outside…I knew everything I thought was a lie.”

       Daryl focused on the road ahead as Lydia’s words washed over him. She was reminding him of what his life was like before he’d found his family. Before he found Rick, Carol, Maggie, Glenn, Michonne, and Beth. Looking from the outside in was one thing, but feeling the patient and unconditional love of a true family was different. And it took him years to finally accept it. Years of pushing it away because it was unfamiliar, thinking it was a lie that would be ripped away eventually.

       They couldn’t do this to her. “She ain’t gettin’ you. Ya hear me?”

       “No…you have to protect your people,” Lydia replied, but her arms held onto him tighter.

       Daryl knocked his boot into the horse’s side to speed it up, “I am.”

 

~

 

       The Whisperers overwhelmed the road to Alexandria and there were a lot more of them then Beth realized. They were still a good distance away. Still just a dark blob spread out in front of their home. The familiar sharp tinge of panic coated her body thinking of Judith and RJ being in danger. And it wasn’t just panic for her people, but the acidic churning Beth felt when she was about to make a mistake. This was a mistake.

       As they drew closer, Beth steered her horse towards Daryl’s until she was next to Lydia. The girl had her head rested against his back already slumped from the world winning again. It had beaten her down one too many times. Beth eyes drifted to Daryl’s and he slowed his horse down until they were barely moving forward anymore.

       Her heart started rapidly beating, making it seem like the air was pulsating around her. Lydia sat up, her eyes finally focusing in on her. Beth let her eyes burn, but she refused to let the tears fall, “An old friend’a mine, he used to say: Dolor hic tibi proderit olim. It means, someday this pain will be useful to you. Sometimes ya gotta know when to fight an’ when to let go. You can beat this, Lydia. I know ya can. You’ll always have a place with us.”

       Tears were gathering in Lydia’s eyes. She briefly looked over Daryl’s shoulder up ahead before she reached a hand out to Beth. She grabbed onto her hand immediately and squeezed. It was Lydia’s way of saying thank you.

       When she pulled her hand back, Lydia said in a quiet voice, “Don’t let her see that you care.”

       Beth’s heart broke all over again, but she nodded nonetheless. Daryl looked on the verge of wanting to kill them all and honestly, she didn’t blame him He was practically simmering to the point where Beth wondered how Lydia was still holding onto him without getting burned by his red-hot anger.

       His voice broke the steadiness between them all, “Ya ready?”

       Lydia nodded and then realized he couldn’t see her and answered, “Yeah.”

       Beth nodded at Daryl and took off first, galloping towards the seemingly inevitable mistake they were about to make. It didn’t take long to close the distance between them and the Whisperers. A coldness seeped through her body as she watched the masked figures turn towards the sound of the clomping hooves.

       All the alarm bells went off in her head. After years of honing her gut instincts to sense walkers and people alike, rushing towards a group who wore walker faces went against everything she’d learned and been taught. Everything felt wrong.

       When they were finally close enough to see individual faces, Beth recognized Carl and Mika standing up on the watch point. With a quick scan, she saw Gabriel standing on the other side of the gate with Abraham, Carol, and Sasha flanking him. And at the head of the Whisperer’s, closest to the gate, she saw a woman without a mask. Beth knew it was Alpha before she even spoke to confirm.

       Alpha turned towards them without exposing her back to Alexandria. Her piercing eyes zeroed in on Lydia as they dismounted their horses. Beth kept her face neutral, following Lydia’s orders and not showing any care or emotion. Daryl grabbed Lydia’s arm and started walking her towards Alpha. She covered his back, keeping her hands free in case she needed to grab her knives quickly.

       The sea of Whisperers parted, making a path for them. And Beth had almost forgotten why they were here in the first place, because once they’d made it to the front of the pack, she nearly ran smack into Ezekiel and Henry.

       They were hastily gagged, the corners of their mouths pulled backwards from how tight they’d tied them around their heads. Two Whisperers held knives to their necks. Small droplets of blood dripped down the side of Ezekiel’s neck, his shirt absorbing it. Beth put two and two together and realized the King had struggled more, maybe even fought back while he was being subdued.

       Daryl, her, and Lydia now stood between Alpha and the gates of Alexandria, having walked through maybe thirty or more Whisperers unharmed to get to the front. Her heart was in her throat as she waited for Alpha to speak or give a signal of some sort.

       But suddenly a shrill cry pierced through the air. Her eyes hesitantly shifted towards the sound and Beth was horrified to see a Whisperer rocking a baby cocooned in a makeshift carrier.

       "You brought'a baby out here?" The questioned grated out of Daryl's chest, his eyes narrowed in on Alpha.

       A smirk briefly transformed her face into something terrifying before it returned to a neutral state, "We're animals. Animals live out here. Animals have babies. So, we have babies out here."

       Distant growling had her head snapping towards the right. Coming out of the trees towards the road was a swath of walkers drawn by the crying infant. Beth eyes immediately went back to the baby in the Whisperer's arms. The mother was trying to quiet it, but nothing was working.

       "Do somethin’ or that baby’s gonna die," Beth exclaimed at Alpha.

       She slowly turned towards her, emotionless except for the slight upturn at the corner of her mouth. "To live with the dead means to live in silence. If the mother can't quiet the child...then the dead will," Alpha's voice lowered as the dead got closer, "Natural selection."

       A small voice she recognized rang out behind her, “Beth. Uncle Daryl.”

       Her head whipped towards Alexandria’s gate. Standing on the other side was RJ, who was peaking his head out from behind Abraham. In the near distance she saw Judith, Gracie, and Finch running towards them. Before Beth could reprimand RJ, Carol intervened and practically dragged all the kids away, but it was too late. The Whisperers had already seen them.

       She couldn’t worry about it now. The baby was still crying and the mother had stopped trying to comfort them. That’s when Beth realized the mother was crying, seemingly staring at the gates of Alexandria. Beth followed her line of sight to see she was still gaping at the empty space where RJ had been.

       Daryl grabbed the hilt of his knife the same time Beth did. If they had to fight through Whisperers and walkers to secure the baby, they would. They already had to give up Lydia, for now, but she refused to just stand by and watch a baby get eaten by walkers. When the masked woman turned to Alpha for help, their supposed leader just shrugged. Choose.

       Even Lydia looked devastated by the answer, her eyes darting between the woman and Alpha. Daryl still had a tight hold on her arm, but Beth could have sworn Lydia took half a step back into him.

       The dozen walkers were closing in, reaching the first couple of Whisperers stood in the very back of the pack. The only people stood between her and the hyperventilating mother were the two Whisperers holding knives to Ezekiel and Henry’s throats. But it wouldn’t be long before the walkers were on her, especially with the baby’s cries drawing them in. Beth was about to start running towards the woman when she made direct eye contact with her and stopped her in her tracks.

       She looked past the skin mask. In her eyes, Beth saw the broken desperation. It was the same look she saw in Lydia’s eyes last night when she’d finally cracked and all the lies told to her started to unravel. The woman slowly removed the shoulder strap of her makeshift baby carrier. And that’s how Beth knew.

       One second, she was completely still, gazing down at her child. Then, she was running. Her footsteps thudded against the road like slaps of thunder amongst the ever-growing moans and growls. She ran straight for Beth, closing the distance faster than she ever thought possible. No one had enough time to react before the baby was shoved into Beth’s arms.

       “Take him! Take him!”

       Beth stumbled backward at the force she used to push her back towards the gates of Alexandria. She readjusted the baby in her arms and slung the carrier over her shoulder. Daryl was by her side in an instant, shielding her from the Whisperers who were all looking at Alpha for orders.

       With one nod of Alpha’s head, a handful of them shrank back into the walkers and started herding them away and back into the trees.

       Again, they were at a standstill, unknowing of what someone else’s choice would doom them to, but it didn’t seem to matter. The woman turned her attention to Alpha and started shrieking louder than her own baby, “You lied!”

       And she charged Alpha. The woman hurled herself onto her leader, scratching and clawing like an animal fighting for its life.

       Daryl held onto Lydia, pulling her further away from the chaos.

       Before any other Whisperers could intervene, Alpha brandished her knife and drove it into the woman’s side. Her hand clamped down over her mouth, so her howls of pain were muffled. All any of them could do was watch as the mother of the child she was now holding was gutted. None of them could risk doing anything while Henry and Ezekiel were held at knife point.

       Alpha threw the woman to the ground like she weighed nothing. Then, she unceremoniously sat down on top of her still writhing body and brought her long-serrated knife to her throat. Sawing sounds scurried through her body and deep seeded revulsion and nausea overtook her entire being as she realized what was happening. Bile rose in the back of her throat and her eyes started to water.

       Mika’s soft cry of horror from above was enough to have her looking away. Instead, Beth watched the side of Daryl’s face and in that moment, she was having a hard time reading him because she’d never seen him like this before. His face had grown red and his chest was heaving. The hand not holding Lydia was white knuckled around his knife hilt.

       It seemed to go on forever, the noises only getting worse. Then, a soft humming filled the air. Her stomach flipped when she realized it was Alpha, humming under her breath. Beth’s gaze went to Lydia and her face was completely cold, emotionless. The thousand-yard stare had returned to her face. She was focused on something far off in the distance as the tearing and ripping noises continued. Beth realized this wasn’t just a first-time occurrence. Lydia had witnessed this before was maybe even forced to watch it happen.

       “Enough!” Daryl’s voice boomed out, briefly covering up the sounds of sawing.

       The humming halted and Alpha stood and turned. She faced them with a decapitated head in her left hand. Beth instinctually clutched the baby closer to her chest at the sight. It had been a long time since anything in this world had disturbed her. Disgusted her.

       Alpha spoke loudly for all to hear, “Only two kinds of people left in this world. The ones who are brave enough to walk with the dead and everyone else. She was no longer one of us. Now, give me my daughter.” Alpha kept the head in her hand as she reached out for Lydia.

       Beth kept her focus on Alpha, who subtly nodded her head at the Whisperers holding Henry and the King. Everything seemed to slow down as they lowered their knives from their throats.

       The minute their knives dropped; Ezekiel ushered Henry to the gates. Both looked just as horrified as the rest of them. She heard the squeak of the gates opening and right as Ezekiel started to pass her, she pulled off the carrier and rested the baby in his arms. The King took him without objection and rushed through with Henry at his side. Beth saw him go to Carol before she turned back.

       Beth let out a sigh of relief. They were safe.

       Daryl let Lydia go, his arm falling to his side. With her heart in her throat, Beth watched her walk towards her mother. The woman covered in blood after beheading one of her own people. Lydia’s head was down as she spoke quietly, “Sorry, mom. Thanks for comin’ to get me.”

       Lydia was breathing heavy. Beth could see it even though she was looking at her back. The calmness of the moment was broken when Alpha’s face contorted into one of pure rage and quicker than a flash of lightning, she slapped her daughter across the face. Lydia nearly fell to the side from the force of it. A gasp was lodged in her throat and she saw Daryl’s hand tense into a fist.

       Beth’s own hand darted out as a reaction, but Lydia’s words flashed in her mind and she hid it by clutching the back of Daryl’s vest instead. It kept her hand occupied from embedding a dagger between Alpha’s eyes and it grounded Daryl. Underneath her fingertips, she felt how tense his body was.

       Alpha pulled her daughter in by the back of the neck into a seemingly meaningless hug. A bizarre grin overtook her face for a split second before it fell again. Her dead eyes stared Daryl down over Lydia’s shoulder as she whispered, “You call me Alpha, like all the rest.”

       Lydia pulled away, head hanging lower than before and her hair obscuring her face, “Yes, Alpha.”

       Beth dropped back towards the gate, but he stayed where he was. He stared Alpha down, a promise of violence in his gaze. There was no longer a choice about whether they were going to get Lydia back or not. They would. And Beth didn’t care if they had to kill every last Whisperer to get her.

        For the first time, Beth wondered if Negan was right. Kill them all.

Notes:

So, the exchange went a bit different lol. A lot was revealed this chapter and Alpha learns a lot about our group in one exchange. She realizes how much we care about protecting the innocent, like children and therefore probably elderly as well. Based on Daryl's reactions, she learns we care about Lydia or at least, he does.

The who put her baby down on the ground to be eaten in the show is the same woman in this story (Gamma's sister). The reason things go different is because of one small thing. Unlike Hilltop, you can see through the gates of Alexandria and into the community. Gamma's sister seeing RJ, Judith, Gracie, and the other children is enough for her to turn on Alpha and realize she's been lying. So, instead of following orders and sacrificing her baby, she saves her baby and sacrifices herself. And Alpha takes her head for it in a show of strength to the Alexandrians, but also to her own people.

Now, listen, do I know it would take way longer to cut someone's head off? Yes, absolutely. Do I know the knife Alpha's using probably couldn't saw through a spinal column? Yup, I do. But if you could suspend your disbelief I would really appreciate it lol! Her doing this in front of them right of the bat is going to change some of their decision making about how to handle the Whisperers.

Lydia, Daryl, and Beth form a really good bond and I wanted to show that in the two scenes before they get to Alexandria. But I specifically wanted to highlight the bond between Daryl and Lydia. I think its a bit stronger in this story because of Daryl being a more open character at this point in the story.

And Carl has a cool scene at the beginning. So, Carl is still young, but he's smart. However, because of how everything went down with the Saviors, he's a bit heavy on the aggressive side when it comes to people threatening his home and family. Rightfully so, with all the trauma he's been through.

Then, of course, we have a pivotal scene between Beth and Negan...a very influential scene *said dramatically* lol. Anyways thank you all for reading and sticking with this story for so long! You have no idea how much I appreciate it. All the love and I can't wait to hear your thoughts <3

Chapter 58: Innate Absence of Life

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Hope you all are doing well. Here's another chapter for you! I think this one has one of my favorite openings I've done in a while, so I hope you enjoy it too. Happy reading!

All the love to you guys for your continued support. Your comments and commitment to this story mean the world to me <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       There was a storm. Beth could smell it on the wind, but the sun shined above her head in a completely cloudless sky. The open field in front of her was barren where there was once a thriving field of wheat. She wasn’t sure how she knew, but just like she could smell there was a storm coming, she saw life used to grow in the field in front of her. Nothing could look so desolate and downtrodden without the innate absence of what used to be.

       A place never touched by life could not be marred by its absence. Not like this place. It spoke in a hollowed tone, travelling through the storm riddled wind to her ears. She heard the voices. The pleas of salvation. Of redemption.

       Beth walked further into it’s embrace, letting the howling wind guide her. She meandered aimlessly, the field stretching on as far as the eye could see. What was on the other side of the horizon? Would she fall off the edge into oblivion? Or would it just be this forever? Desolation with notes and colors of a past life. She couldn’t remember who she was or where she was going, but did it matter all that much if she couldn’t remember in the first place?

       “Beth.”

       The voice was soft and melodic, coming from a distance away. Her ears hummed and her feet followed the sound. Her goal was no longer to reach the end, but to find whoever was calling her name.

       She started to run.

       “Beth.”

       It was getting louder. More insistent. And the tone had changed. The urgency had changed and with it her heartbeat started to pound. It thumped in her ears louder than it had ever been to the point she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to hear the voice anymore.

       Deep-seated panic took root.

       "Beth!”

       She turned and there it was, like it had materialized out of thin air, a birch tree. It was beautiful and full and so green it almost hurt her eyes to look at for too long after only seeing the beige and browns of the ground. It was a piece of life within a barren wasteland. Maybe the last.

       It was when her eyes adjusted to the glaring sunlight shining off the green leaves of the tree that she saw the person standing underneath the canopy. They were sheathed within a haze, so Beth walked closer. Just like she knew a storm was coming, she knew this was the person who’d been calling her name.

       “Are you alright?”

       Her voice didn’t sound like her own. It didn’t sound like how she imagined it would or remembered it to be, but then again, she didn’t remember much of anything. A foggy film hung over the person in front of her even as they turned to face her, like she’d forgotten her glasses. Everything else was clear as crystal except for them.

         “Beth…”

       The voice was no longer loud and alert. It was back to the melodic tone. Her heart settled, its rapid beating subsiding momentarily. She was somehow safe, yet also completely surrounded by the unknown. Faced with a complete stranger.

       Then, suddenly the wind stopped. One second it was rustling the leaves of the tree and then everything was silent. Everything eerily still. The deep-seated panic rooted in her gut writhed and withered until dread oozed out of the roots like sap. And looking past the hazy person in front of her she saw the trunk of the tree weeping like it knew.

       When her eyes refocused on the person, they were suddenly clear. It was a girl. She couldn’t be older than sixteen. And like the tree she was crying. Beth reached out to her, but she jerked away. Betrayal and wrath melting her face until all she saw was the same desolation and misery.

       The absence of life left a mark.

       With that thought in her mind, fast as a strike of lightning, a thin branch of the birch tree struck out at the girl. She flinched, but didn’t cry out even as blood started to pour down from the slash in her arm.

       Beth reached for her again, but the same look of hatred and rage stopped her in her tracks. The tree lashed out again. This time slashing the girl across the leg. It ripped through her pants and left a deep gash.

       Beth begged, “Please.” She wasn’t sure if she was begging the girl to let her help or the tree to make it stop.

       It struck again and again until Beth was sobbing for it to stop. Wounds opened and bled freely. And not once did the girl scream. Not in pain or in rage. The girl’s chin raised up, head tilting back towards the canopy, and her eyes fell shut.

       Her heart threatened to pound out of its chest and her voice was completely wrecked. To her horror, Beth watched in slow motion as another branch whipped out and flayed open her neck. The incision was deep and hard, eviscerating the skin and muscles.

       A name ripped its way through Beth’s throat and out of her mouth, raw and piercing, “Lydia!”

       With the name, she finally recognized the girl in front of her. And she remembered.

 

~

 

       Beth awoke in tears. Her body trembling from the vivid nightmare still plaguing her waking consciousness. The bark of the tree she’d been resting against had been scratching up her cheek. Her fingertips grazed over the area and they came away with a light smearing of blood.

       “Same one?”

       Daryl asked her over the still glistening embers of their fire from last night. He kept his voice low so as not to disturb the woods around them. Or rather awaken anything they’d have to put down. She wiped underneath her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt and nodded. No other response needed. It was the third time this week she’d woken up from the same nightmare.

       Beth pulled down the sleeves of her shirt until they reached past her wrists. She had enough forethought to wear a long sleeve shirt. Even though the days were still relatively warm, the nights were rapidly dropping in temperature as they barreled into the fall months. The sky was still grey and there was a chill in the air that made her curl her knees up to her chest.

       “It’s been more than’a week…” She whispered; the remnants of Lydia’s flayed neck still fresh in her mind. What if she’s already dead?

       Daryl stood, his hulking figure filling up the small space they’d made their camp for the past couple of days while they searched for any signs of the Whisperers. He scanned the woods that used to make her feel protected. Now, they were starting to suffocate her. When Daryl deemed the area clear, he closed the distance between them and kneeled down in front of her.

       “She ain’t gone. She’s a smart girl. She’ll figure it out,” Daryl replied. He repeated this mantra to her every time she woke up from the same nightmare. The first time, it worked. His soothing voice and the things he said talked her out of a dread spiral, but it’s been almost two weeks and they hadn’t seen anything. At least not until this morning.

       Daryl went scouting before the sun started to rise. He came back an hour later with a grave look on his face and said he’d found bloody footprints. They couldn’t have been more than a few hours old, but eventually the prints faded out around a creek bed. They couldn’t be sure whose they were, but it hadn’t been exactly promising.

       Beth’s head thudded against the tree trunk behind her, “I don’t get it. Alpha made a big show’a power, but then she up an’ moves her whole group. Why? Carl said she talked ‘bout us crossin’ over into her land. That don’t sound like someone too keen on leavin’. Not without’a fight at least.”

       Daryl sat back into the dirt in front of her. One of his hands came up to mess with the facial hair on his chin, “Lydia said somethin’ ‘bout them movin’ around with the dead. Don’t think they stay in one place long. Ya saw their camp. Wasn’t much’a nothin’.”

       “But it was somethin’…” Beth trailed off, “It was enough.”

       “She’s gotta be worried ‘bout tryin’ ta keep control. Her people saw through her bullshit when they were at Alexandria. An’ no one’ll be able ta challenge her if they’re too busy movin’ their camp all the time,” Daryl said, leaning forward to root around in the dirt between his bent-up legs.

       Beth picked her head up from the tree trunk and stared at Daryl. His words started painting a clearer picture, “She’s movin’ ‘em around to keep them from lookin’ too hard.” He hummed in acknowledgement. “If we could just find ‘em, we could take ‘em out while they’re still regroupin’.”

       Daryl became very still, “That Beth talkin’ or Negan?”

       There was a painful jab in her ribs. “You gonna tell me ya wouldn’t take them all out if ya had the chance? End it before anythin’ could even start,” she avoided his question with one of her own.

       He nodded, biting the inside of his lip, “Yeah, I would. I’d kill ‘em all ta get that girl back. Startin’ with her mom.”

       “Then, why’re ya questionin’ me for thinkin’ the same?”

       “’Cause that ain’t you an’ ya know it,” Daryl replied with finality, “Minute that woman handed you her baby…”

       Daryl didn’t have to elaborate. She knew. The minute that woman handed Beth her baby, the Whisperers became human. They became people trying to survive instead of monsters wearing masks out in the night. That woman had sacrificed herself for her child to possibly have a better future.

       “That ain’t you,” his gravelly voice reiterated.

       She slumped under the weight of the truth, “I don’t want another war, Daryl.” She confessed it under her breath, not sure if she wanted him to hear it or not. A part of her felt like she always had to show a strong front in the face of danger. People looked to them to be sure and steady. They had to fight. That’s what they did, but she didn’t want to fight anymore.

       Beth knew it wasn’t about what she wanted. Life was unfair. The world was unforgiving, but just for this moment she wanted her fears and wants to be known. However impossible it might be.

       Daryl’s warm hands made contact with her forearms and cupping her elbows. She leaned into the heat of him, basking in the comfort of it when a chill was still hanging in the air. Beth let her arms raise out of his hands and wrapped them around his neck, melding herself to him. She buried her face into his neck and the smell of him washed over her in waves.

       They were dirty and exhausted from camping out in the woods for days. And their suck ass camp wasn’t helping either. Daryl’s usually tense body was slowly relaxing against her, his hands drifting to her back and hips.

       He breathed his own admission into her ear.

       “Don’t want another dead kid.”

       Beth’s heart dropped and her breathing hitched. He’d been the hopeful one out of the pair of them, but his fears went far deeper. They had to find her. For both their sakes and hers. She wasn’t sure the same Daryl would come out on the other side if they didn’t.

 

~

 

       Lydia made herself small. Unnoticeable. Meek. She made herself into a perfect disciple. Because for the first time since her father died, there was something. Something else. She knew there was something better out there for her. There was more than this endless dread and suffering. More than constantly hiding. There was love and hope. Daryl and Beth showed her that.

       So, Lydia made herself small, biding her time.

       She skinned Frances’s decapitated head after it reanimated at Alpha’s command. No complaints. No hesitation. She kept her tears at bay and made sure to do it when Frances’s sister wasn’t around. Lydia wasn’t sure she ever learned her name. She only knew about Frances because she used to mumble it to herself until her sister would reprimand her under her breath before Alpha could hear it.

       Lydia took her switches from Alpha without so much as a flinch or peep. She became distant, reserved. Never fought back with her words or otherwise. She blended and waited. During the day, they walked with the dead, moving from place to place. She listened to the whispers of discord being sown among her mother’s people, or at least the ones who’d been there to see Alexandria. At night, she dreamed about Hilltop. About family.

       She ain’t gettin’ you. Ya hear me?

       You can beat this, Lydia. I know ya can. You’ll always have a place with us.

       A part of her knew Daryl and Beth had come for her only to find their abandoned camp. Her heart sunk every time she thought about it too long. And it became harder and harder to exist when she knew what was waiting for her.

       After days turned into weeks, Lydia stopped seeing the people surrounding her as her people. They were just people, surviving underneath the thumb of a liar. She stopped seeing Alpha as her mother and started seeing her as an obstacle. Her dreams about family became intrusive thoughts about getting rid of the one thing holding her hostage.

       It’s how she found herself death clutching the handle of her knife, weaving her way through the sleeping bodies on the forest floor of their new camp.

       For people that prided themselves on being alert and aware enough to walk with the dead, they were surprisingly ignorant of her movements even as she snapped a twig here and there. She guessed she shouldn't be too surprised with how Alpha was running them all ragged.

       Lydia made sure to remove her shoes to eliminate as much sound as possible. In a world of absolute silence, it was more necessary now than ever. If someone did awake, they wouldn't think much of her walking through their camp, but that wasn’t what she needed to worry about. It was Alpha and her second in command, if he decided to come back from scouting early. 

       Alpha had made a mistake coming back for her. She broke her own rules, ones she enforced without mercy on everyone else. Now, more and more people were starting to see her hypocrisy. As much as Alpha tried to make everyone forget she was her daughter, it was impossible. Lydia would free these people like Daryl did for her. She'd free them and then go and never look back.

       Her hands shook as she walked closer to Alpha's den, an eerie contraption weaved with branches and vines for isolation and privacy from the pack. The snapping of a branch to her right made her freeze. She half expected Beta's hulking figure to stalk out of the shadows, but as she squinted into the darkness, she saw nothing. Beta wasn't here she reminded herself. She double and triple checked he would be gone tonight.

       Lydia stepped into the shadows of her mother's den, her heart pounding against her chest. Her hands were sweating, so she readjusted her grip on her knife, afraid she'd drop it when it mattered most. Her footsteps were silent as her bare feet weaved through the dirt and brush. When her eyes finally found her, she was asleep sprawled out on the ground. A dark blob in the corner if her eye caught her attention and she turned for a split second to see her mother's mask hanging from a branch above her. 

       The moment she decided to kill her mother she felt nothing, but now, standing over her, the guilt, fear, and shame spiraled into her. And she couldn't breathe. Her fingers became numb and an unnerving whomping sound filled her head. The edges of her vision darkened and narrowed to pinpoints, but she could still see her mother on the ground. It was the only thing she could see. Her focus zoomed in and out until her head was pounding for relief, but when she tried to get closer, there was an invisible wall physically stopping her.

       Her feet wouldn’t move and each breathe she took was filling her lungs, but she could expel it. So, they just kept filling until they were at capacity and she felt like she was going to burst.

       "Lydia, oh, Lydia..." Her mother's sing song voice filled her mind. And her head turned towards her mother’s mask swaying back and forth in the light breeze. She swore the mouth was moving. Singing to her.

       "We're all monsters now." Lydia brought her hands to her ears trying to drown out her voice. Her mother had been right about one thing. They were all monsters. The difference was finding the ones who’d fight for her rather than against her. For so long, she thought the dead were her guardians. She thought her mother was too. Lydia thought they both made her stronger.

       It was a lie so deeply ingrained it took the threat of torture and death for her to see the truth.

       "We walk in darkness. We are free. We bathe in blood. We are free. We love nothing. We are free. We fear nothing. We are free. We need no words. We are free. We embrace all death. We are free. This is the end of the world. Now is the end of the world. We are the end of the world.”

       Lydia heard it. It beat through her head over and over, the chanting grating back and forth. Until all she could see or hear were the words of her mother and the moans of the dead.

       No. It wasn’t true. This was the beginning of her story. Not the end.

       She was drowning.

       A hand clamped around Lydia’s mouth and she almost screamed. Another arm wrapped around her middle and started dragging her out of Alpha’s den. All her senses previously muddled became sharp and clear as the floodgates opened for adrenaline to pour through. She didn’t fight back because she couldn’t risk waking up Alpha. Thankfully, Lydia knew it wasn’t Beta just based on the size of the person, but once they’d gotten clear of the den, she jerked away from her captor. They let her go with ease.

       She spun around and raised her knife to the throat of a woman. Lydia didn’t immediately recognize her without her mask, but when she looked into her eyes, she knew it was Frances’s sister. She made no move to attack, but it was slowly dawning on her she may have to kill her. She’d seen her about to kill Alpha, if she talked…Lydia would be dead, whether by Alpha’s hands or Beta’s she wasn’t sure, but she’d be dead nonetheless.

       The woman raised her pointer finger to her lips and carefully nodded her head away from their camp. Or maybe she’d just kill her herself? Take her head back to Alpha and present it like a prize. At this point, Lydia was out of options, so with her knife still raised and pointed at the back of her neck, she followed the woman deeper into the woods.

       They walked for longer than she expected, before she heard the soft rushing of water somewhere close by and she realized what the woman was doing. She was taking her someplace their whispers would be masked.

       The woman ducked down into a shallow ravine where a creek flowed. Lydia’s feet sunk into the mud causing a chill to go through her body. Fall was among them. The night air had turned crisp and all the adrenaline and panic had blocked her body from feeling it.

       “Speak,” Lydia hissed, matching her pitch to the rushing water.

       Frances’s sister was looking around behind her franticly like she was constantly checking they were alone before whispering, “It’s not her time.” Of all the things Lydia thought she was going to say, that wasn’t even close. She slowly lowered her knife until it was pointed at the ground rather than at her as she continued, “You need to leave. Alpha will be weaker. Distracted with you gone.”

       Lydia looked into her eyes and almost stepped back. There was a hatred so deep and vitriol she could almost feel it burning her skin, except it wasn’t directed at her, “You were there…weren’t you?”

       She didn’t respond, but she didn’t have to. Lydia realized all too suddenly she watched Alpha decapitate her sister without mercy in front of everyone. And Lydia had been wearing her face on Alpha’s orders. The thing was, it wasn’t even close to the worst thing her mother had done. At least not of the things Lydia has witnessed over the years.

       The pitch of the woman’s voice deepened as she said, “I’m going to kill her.”

       “You should have let me,” Lydia replied, knowing full well she wouldn’t have been able to.

       The woman shook her head, “Beta must die first. Without him, she is nothing.”

       Beta was her mother’s most loyal servant, a companion in their combined delusion. He was also their most formidable fighter. He wouldn’t be easy to kill, not by a long shot. He barely slept and he was always on high alert. If her mother died…she wasn’t sure Beta wouldn’t just kill everything in his wake. He was a loose cannon without his Alpha, but she wouldn’t go as far as to count her mother out without Beta at her side.

       “What’s your name?” Lydia finally asked. She needed to know. It was her own way of rebelling. If she couldn’t set these people free, she’d break every rule they had to make them feel known.

       “It doesn’t matter anymore,” she replied, clearly antsy to get back to camp before anyone discovered they were gone.

       “It does. No one can take that from you. Even my mother.”

       The woman stared into her, past all the dirt and broken parts before replying, “Mary. My name’s Mary.”

       Lydia nodded, a weight lifted off her shoulders as her name rolled around in her head, but she was quickly sobered by the plan forming in her mind, “You can’t do this alone. My mother…she’ll send Beta after me. I’ll make sure we have a trap set. He won’t come back.”

       “We?” Mary asked.

       “Alexandria. I’ll make it before he catches up to me,” Lydia reassured her.

       Mary was silent for what felt like ages, her eyes dancing around the woods. When she finally spoke, it was resigned, “Go.” She was turning to leave when she barely whispered over her shoulder, “Make sure they take care of my nephew.”

 

~

 

       Lydia ran through the rest of the night. At times she thought she might have been going the wrong way, but her visual landmarks kept her on the right path. A run-down cabin. A dandelion field. A tadpole pond. An old gravel road. A small babbling creek. A rickety bridge. She’d been taking mental notes for the past couple weeks, making sure she always knew her way back to Alexandria.

       Her feet were aching and bloody by the time the sun was rising. And she still had a bit longer to go. She avoided the dead as much as she could, so she wouldn’t leave a trail of bodies for Beta to follow. Her energy was running at an all time low, not having eaten much in the last couple of days, but she kept going. She pushed her body to the breaking point and then kept going.

       She had to make it to Alexandria before Beta did. She had a head start, but he was fueled by fulfilling Alpha’s wishes. Then, she remembered. Lydia was fueled by something better. Greater. Hope. The light at the end of the tunnel. Her whole life she’d been stumbling blind through the darkness, unable to ever get her footing. Now, there was a light and it was bright. She could see it in the distant. Feel it warming up her skin. It was real.

       The sun had risen and was now falling once more as she picked up her pace. She had to be close. It was around here somewhere. Lydia faltered. Her legs were close to giving out from pure exhaustion and her feet were practically dragging behind her, bloody and stinging. If someone else saw her, she was sure they’d mistake her for the dead.

       Then, the leaves and brush underneath her feet turned into a road. She lifted her head and there it was.

       Her light at the end of the tunnel.

       Lydia was staring at the gates of Alexandria. Their welcome sign was burned into her eyelids as she stared and stared. She recognized the boy standing at the gate as the one her mother took hostage in exchange for her. It didn’t seem like he noticed her yet. She stepped forward, further into the road, when she saw a woman with blonde hair and a man with a crossbow emerge from the woods with their backs to her.

       Daryl and Beth. She recognized them even with the distance. A shout rose up in her throat as a smile tugged on her mouth, but it was snuffed out. Violently.

       For the second time, a hand clamped around her mouth and hauled her backwards, but this time she knew exactly who it was.

       Her ears buzzed as she thrashed against Beta, but it was like fighting against a brick wall. Tears sprung to her eyes as he hauled her closer and closer to the woods and out of sight. Lydia could still see Daryl. He was looking up at the boy manning the gate.

       This was her only shot. Her light was slowly being extinguished. She could see it fading before her very eyes. And in that moment, all Lydia saw was red. And she bit down on Beta’s hand as hard as she could. Her teeth sunk into his palm and coppery blood flooded her mouth. She yanked a chunk of flesh out of his hand. He grunted in pain, his chest rumbling against her back. For a split second, his hand fell away from her mouth.

       And Lydia screamed. It pierced her own eardrums as it ripped from her throat. It felt endless, filled with all her rage and agony. Right before Beta recovered and hauled her into the woods, she saw Daryl look right at her.

       With that one look she knew, he wouldn’t let her down. He’d come for her just like her dad always did. She surrounded by the light at the end of her tunnel. Now, it was about keeping it lit. Lydia would fight. She’d fight dirty and if she died, it’d be worth it because she found the light.

Notes:

The beginning of this chapter, as I said at the top, is one of my favorites I've written in a while. There is so much symbolism packed into like a two page scene and I'm so curious to hear how you all interpret it :)

Daryl and Beth are at a crossroads. They've been looking for the Whisperer, mostly Lydia, for about two weeks now. Alpha unknowingly made a huge mistake by bringing so much of her group to Alexandria. The reason going to Alexandria was so different than Hilltop was because of one VERY simple thing. Alexandria has a gate that you can see through if you open up the outer layer, which Gabriel did so he could talk with Alpha face to face. None of the Whisperers were able to see inside Hilltop in the show because their gates are just large wooden doors. It's such a small thing, but it makes a huge difference here.

Alpha knows her people are starting to see the cracks in her logic, so she's moving them around constantly to keep them busy and worn out, so people will be less likely to challenge her. And Daryl and Beth are both struggling with their own things. Beth is tired of fighting, straight up. The last time they were in a war it nearly killed her and she's afraid of who they'll lose if they start a war with the Whisperers. Daryl is fully focused on Lydia and finding her. He's relating the situation to what happened with Jocelyn and is constantly reliving that scenario with Lydia. Plus he feels like he made a promise to protect her and failed.

A lot of this chapter is in Lydia's POV. We see her try to kill her mother, but of course, she wouldn't be able to no matter how much Alpha deserves it. She is still Lydia's mother. Mary is the person Lydia hears snap a branch and she basically saves her from getting caught. As we find out in the scene between Lydia and Mary, Mary was at Alexandria when Alpha beheaded her sister. So, her hatred for Alpha is basically speed run in this story because of that.

And last but not least we see Lydia make it to Alexandria, but at what cost? Next chapter we'll get a proper introduction to Beta :)

Anyways, all the love and I can't wait to hear your thoughts as always <3

Chapter 59: Never Walk With You

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Apologies for the late update. I had a very hectic day today, but the chapter is finally here. I really like how this one turned out and I'm curious to hear what you all think.

If you're wondering why I made the choice I did, it'll be explained at the top of the end notes. All the love <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       “Henry, open up,” Daryl called up to him on the watch point.

       Every bone in her body felt like it had been liquified and every muscle was screaming in agony, but it didn’t bother her. Not when she knew she may get a decent night’s sleep tonight. Honestly, it wasn’t the soreness or deep fatigue that concerned her. It was her lack of appetite. She’d been forcing food down for the last couple of days. The squirrels Daryl tried to feed her this morning made her hunger shrivel up and disappear.

       He had passed small chunks to her until she couldn’t stomach eating another bite. And even then, he got her to eat two more pieces of meat. She melted thinking about him practically hand feeding her because he was worried. Beth wouldn’t be surprised if he noticed her lack of appetite before even she had. Over the dying embers of their fire this morning, he held her food to her mouth and muttered, “One more.”

       Beth assumed she was coming down with a cold or some sort of allergies were wreaking havoc on her body. The weather was changing and her fatigue was just further compromising her immune system. And it was quite possibly the worst time to be sick.

       The Kingdom’s Fair was in a couple of days and not only that, but Beth believed they were on the precipice of another war. The King, Carol, Henry, Jerry, and Diane somehow wrangled a group of bandits to protect the road to the Kingdom in exchange for full access to the Fair. It was a good deal, but she couldn’t help but feel like a dozen men wouldn’t stand a chance against a horde of Whisperers. They’d been warned about the ‘freaks wearing dead faces’, but it was one thing to just hear about it. Seeing it was a completely different story.

       Henry turned around and called out down below, “Mika! Carl! The gates. They’re back.” Beth watched as Henry readjusted his spear and asked, “Anything?”

       Beth shook her head, not having the energy to explain their continued failure at tracking down the Whisperers. So, she changed the subject, “How’d the meetin’ with the Council go?”

       Henry looked between Daryl and Beth clearly sensing their hesitancy to talk about Lydia or the Whisperers, “They approved. I’m sure Oceanside’ll be grateful for the open invitation.”

       “Anythin’ else we should know about?” Beth asked, already aware of the decision for Alexandria to be a rest stop for the people of Oceanside who were traveling to the Fair. She asked Rosita to be her proxy on the Council before she left. They held similar views after both experiencing the eeriness and danger of the Whisperers.

       He shrugged, “They scheduled convoys for groups and goods to get to the Fair. Mostly about staggering convoy arrivals and departures, so the goods don’t go all at once.”

       She nodded, making a mental note to take to Michonne and Rick for more details. “Ya heard from your brother?” She asked as the groaning of the gates started to open.

       “He radioed last night. Everything’s ready. Or so he says.”

       Every little detail had been planned out to make sure the Fair went smoothly. And even with all the horrible things that could go wrong; Beth was still excited. This is what they’ve been working towards since the moment they decided to stop just surviving and live. They were coming together not just as separate communities, but as one people.

       The gates opened in front of her, revealing a smiling Mika standing on the other side. Despite Beth’s exhaustion and ill-tempered outlook on recent events, she smiled back. She soaked up her optimism like a sponge and let it run through her bloodstream. Carl stood tall next to her, towering over them all. Beth noticed his eyepatch was getting a bit worn and she made another mental note to sew it up for him.

       “There’s some warm food waiting for you guys in the Council Hall,” Mika said with giddiness Beth was glad somehow kept over the years.

       “Glad you’re back,” Carl added, “Dad was gettin’ antsy.”

       Daryl huffed out a breath, “Tell him ta quit bein’ such’a mother hen.”

       Mika’s hand came up to her mouth to cover her giggle. Carl turned at the sound and Beth watched the corner of his lips break into a grin. He just watched her laugh, a moment of silence falling over them all. It melted her heart. Despite everything she’d been through, Mika had kept her sweetness. Beth was sure Carl had a hand in helping preserve it through all the hardships. He never let that girl fall, not once. The love she saw between them was so innocent and kind and calming. It grew with them from when they were just kids trying to figure the world out to being adults handling things on their own.

       They both deserved all the happiness in the world after everything they’ve lost.

       Beth looked to Daryl, who was doing the exact same thing she was, watching the two of them. Instead of his usual scowl, his face had softened. The grim expression they both had worn for the past few days from the stress fell away. It made her think of all the ways her and Daryl had grown together. There wasn’t another person she wanted by her side more. He was everything to her. And now, she was looking at two people who had found their peace within each other.

       However, the brief moment of harmony didn’t long. A raw, guttural scream pierced the air, making the hair on the back of her neck stand up. Her head whipped around towards the sound and she saw movement down the road. She clocked two figures, at least, but the glare of the sun was preventing her from clearly seeing what was going on.

       But it didn’t matter, Daryl growled out one word. Not a word. A name. “Lydia.”

       All her exhaustion disappeared in an instant and she was running. Sprinting towards the point she’d seen the figures disappear back into the woods. Daryl surged forward and she fell in behind him. Lydia was right there and they couldn’t let her slip through their fingers again.

       Beth vaguely heard the crashing of brush behind her as they broke through the tree line. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Carl and Mika hot on their trail. A yell of disapproval bubbled up in her throat and for a brief second, the two transformed before her eyes into the little boy and girl she helped raise. Then, she blinked and they were adults again.

       Carl had become lethal, one of Alexandria’s best fighters. And Mika had become one of their best shots. They weren’t kids anymore as much as she would have loved to keep them that way. It was their choice. She couldn’t protect them forever. They were trained by the best and she had to trust they could handle themselves.

       So, her reprimand died in her throat and they kept running.

 

~

 

       Blood was dripping down Lydia’s forearm from where Beta’s nails were digging in. It barely registered as they crashed haphazardly through the trees. Beta was practically dragging her through the woods to some unknown destination. Probably to her death if she had to guess, but then again, wouldn’t he have just killed her the minute he grabbed her?

       No, Alpha had something bigger planned for her, she was sure. Beta only did what Alpha wanted. He had no thoughts of his own. It was always about her mother, like he was possessed.

       The thudding sound of boots behind them had grown softer as they put distance between them and Daryl. Lydia purposefully stepped on every twig. Cut her foot on every rock and pine cone to make sure her feet started bleeding again. She made sure Daryl and Beth had a trail to follow, even if the burning in her feet was starting to shoot up her legs.

       “You wish to walk with the guardians?” Beta snarled at her low enough she could just barely hear him over the deafening sounds of their own escape.

       Lydia couldn’t tell whether she should lie or resist. Beta’s imposing stature was enough to make her second guess opening her mouth at all, but she had no doubt he’d force his blade based her lips and pry an answer out of her. So, she took a gamble with the options she had.

       “I’m doing this for Alpha,” she hissed, “I couldn’t give her intel when I returned, but I had a chance to now.”

       Beta yanked her into an alcove of trees and everything went quiet as he turned on her, but her head still pounded with the sound of her own footsteps and the echo of her scream. His rotted face towered over her, “You lie.”

       A spike of fear surged through her, but she held her ground, “They’re weak. We infiltrate and report back. There’s no one better than me. I returned with nothing of value. We serve her, don’t we?”

       Lydia molded her speech pattern and tone to fit what Beta expected of a perfect devotee to Alpha. She mimicked his way of speaking, hoping he recognized some sort of familiarity and truth in her words.

       “You left no warning.”

       “For good reason. I didn’t want them to suspect. It’s too late now. You ruined any chance we had,” Lydia accused.

       Beta growled, “I don’t believe you.” He grabbed onto her arm again and started dragging her through the woods.

       There was one point in her life where she believed Beta was a guardian sent to her. He was a looming shadow who protected her when she was a child. A nightmare who decided to safeguard her rather than haunt her. He embraced the dead and made sure they never harmed her, but as she got older, she realized he protected her because that’s what Alpha wanted. The person she thought the universe sent to make sure she was safe was just another person under her mother’s spell.

       Another monster under her bed.

       Lydia didn’t fight as Beta kept rushing to an endpoint she couldn’t see. Instead, she waited. Daryl would come and she had to be ready to fight then. So, she conserved her energy.

       The sun was passing its high point in the sky when they entered a rundown area of apartment buildings, small shops, and even more rusted cars. Everything was overrun with weeds. The sidewalks, the useless telephone poles, and the ten-story building looming in front of her. And that’s exactly where Beta was taking her.

       He pulled her towards a door around the side of the building. With three rhythmic knocks, another Whisperer opened it. Lydia did her best not to react even as a gasp got caught in her throat.

       “Gamma, they are coming,” Beta said and pushed past her into the building.

        Lydia’s neck almost snapped as she turned to look into Mary’s eyes. For a brief second, she saw sincere regret and fear filled them before they hardened once more and she replied, “We will be ready.”

       A few other masked Whisperers descended out of the shadows and Lydia’s panic pounded through her chest, constricting it. Mary must have done something big to gain Alpha’s trust in such a short span of time. Whatever it was couldn’t have been good.

       The trap she thought she was leading Beta into ended up being an unwitting trap for Daryl and Beth, or whoever from Alexandria was brave enough to follow. Lydia refused to let them get hurt. She had to work quickly and Mary was going to help her. Beta wasn’t going to walk out of here alive.

       The others were just scared. They followed Alpha blindly because they believed there was no other way. There was. She had seen it and nothing was going to stop her from getting there. Including Beta.

 

~

 

       Daryl followed the blood. It was like everything around him disappeared and his vision tunneled to only identify the dark red color leading them towards Lydia. Sometimes it was just drops, but other times it was full footprints. Beth quietly followed every single one of his footsteps, but even that was drowned out by Lydia’s bloodcurdling scream playing in her head over and over again. And she was sure it was haunting Daryl too.

       Carl and Mika were keeping up surprisingly well. They fell behind her, watching each step she took while they watched their backs for walkers or Whisperers. Carl was a bit louder than Mika, but it was to be expected with his depth perception being slightly off after losing his eye. Beth didn’t have time to wonder why they hadn’t run into any walkers, they just kept going. Daryl had been tracking more than an hour and they hadn’t seen one.

       That only told her one thing: The Whisperers must have been through here already, herding walkers. Not a single walker was unusual, even out here.

       As the thought crossed her mind, the woods started to thin and turn into a more industrial area. Concrete buildings were scattered around, completely overrun by wildlife. Her eyes scanned the area, but she didn’t see a single sign of movement anywhere. That’s when Daryl halted and crouched behind a rusted, decrepit car pulled off on the side of the road near an old construction fence. His eyes narrowed as he scanned each floor of one of the buildings on their right.

       Beth looked at the ground and realized there were faded blood-soaked footprints leading the building Daryl was reconning. As she was pulling out her knives, Daryl tapped her lightly and pointed towards the eighth floor. She peered around the hood of the car and paused, her hand coming up to shield her eyes from the sun.

       Written in the gathered dust of the eighth-floor balcony sliding glass door were two words: Ambush. Six.

       “Shit,” she murmured under her breath. They had to assume it was a warning from Lydia, thinking overwise would be too risky. From here, she could see each of the windows on that floor were covered with some kind of tarp to keep them from seeing in, but it also provided the perfect way for Lydia to conceal her message to them.

       Daryl was tracking only two people for hours, not six. So, it must have been a trap from the beginning to lure them out and kill them, but even that didn’t make sense. Too many things were at play and she couldn’t account for them all when she didn’t have the necessary information.

       “Six Whisperers an’ who knows how many walkers. Wouldn’t be surprised if they were usin’ ‘em like they did at the tower,” Beth whispered.

       “Anythin’ above the ground floor ain’t gonna be anythin’ but human,” Daryl replied, making a good point.

       Mika spoke as she was still gazing at the building with her head tilted, “I think this’s the place Luke and Connie told us about. They said they had emergency stashes at a few places in the area just in case. Think this might be one of them. I recognize the road name.”

       Beth fiddled with her knives, her nervous tick taking over. They had to hope the Whisperers didn’t find their stash. It would only make them stronger.

       “By the time we clear all the floors, we’re gonna be too tired to fight,” Carl added.

       “Won’t gotta. She told us what floor they’re on,” Daryl said.

       Both Mika and Carl looked towards the building and saw the message at the exact same time. Carl nodded and asked, “What’s the plan?”

       Daryl loaded a bolt into this crossbow, his muscles tensing with the strain, “Ain’t gonna be pretty.”

       Was it ever?

 

~

 

       The inside of the building was loud. It was somehow the opposite of what Beth expected, even though she prepared for walkers. However, the loud moans and growls were amplified in the small space. They were milling about aimlessly, seemingly unguided without the influence of the Whisperers. They were mostly contained to the right side of the ground floor leaving the left side stairwell open, but she had a feeling it wouldn’t be that easy.

       Right now, stealth was their best friend. The longer they went under the radar the easier this would be. Beth notched her bow, Daryl and Mika raised their crossbows up, and Carl regripped his spear. The dozen walkers still hadn’t noticed their presences. That’s why the one walker moving against the obvious tide of the dead caught her attention. Its head seemed to be shifting between them and the stairwell door on the right.

       Lookout.

       It was subtle and she still had her doubts, but it was enough for her to let her arrow fly. She breathed in deep and as she let the stream of air out of her mouth, she released the nock. It cut through the room and embedded itself into the its thigh.

       A loud groan of pain emanated through the lobby and the walkers descended, ravenous. It provided a perfect opening to get to the left stairwell door. If the Whisperer was heading for it, it must be clear. Daryl rushed forward towards the door and ushered Mika and Carl through before practically shoving her inside. He shut the door behind them quickly, but softly closed it. Slamming it would only attract unwanted attention.

       The stairwell was mostly dark, expect for small square bits of light coming from the windows on the doors on each floor. None of them spoke as they ascended flight after flight of stairs. By the fifth floor, Beth started to wonder why there weren’t any Whisperers stationed in the stairwell. The four of them would be at a distinct disadvantage since the Whisperers would have the high ground and the element of surprise.

       They either had something more sinister in store for them or Lydia was working to make sure the route was clear for them. Beth wasn’t sure how much influence she had over the others or how much trust she lost trying to escape to Alexandria, but Beth believed she was doing everything she could to keep them alive.

       The eighth floor looked exactly like every other floor. No traps, no ambushes, no anything. However, it was clear they had been doing renovation on this floor before the world fell, because there was still construction equipment scattered throughout the hall. Walls were torn down, exposing different areas. She clocked all of this through the small window from the stairwell.

       Again, no Whisperers.

       Beth shook her head at Daryl. He looked just as tense as she felt. With enough apprehension to make them both second guess this plan, Daryl slowly opened the door into the hallway. His crossbow went through first, scanning the empty area before stalking towards the closed double doors in the middle.

       They were the only doors on the floor that were closed. It was enough of a sign for them to assume the Whisperers were there. Beth kept her bow notched and ready. Mika, Daryl, and Beth all formed a semicircle around the two doors. Daryl looked to Carl and nodded his head towards the doors. Carl didn’t hesitate. He was the only one without a clear range weapon, so his job was to bust open the doors and get out of the way as quick as possible.

       Carl got in front of them and lined up to kick the door in. He held his left hand out, five fingers out and started counting down.

       Five. Four. Three.

       He stalked forward. Two.

       His foot collided just underneath the knobs, at its weakest point. One.

       The doors crashed open and Carl immediately ducked out of the way as Beth clocked two Whisperers surging towards them, clearly taken by surprise considering they probably took out the person who was supposed to warn them when they first came in.

       Beth let her arrow fly, thudding into the stomach of the Whisperer on the right.

       Daryl’s bolt found it’s target’s head. They both slumped to the ground. One groaning and still alive, while the other not so much. Carl stood up from the ground and fell back in line as her and Daryl filed into the space.

       Mika and Carl peeled off to clear the area on the left. Her and Daryl went to the right, following into a familiar pattern, or dance, of covering each other. Beth heard a thwacking sound followed by a thud and a scream, which was cut short. A picture clearly formed in her of Mika shooting a Whisperer and Carl ending it with his spear.

       Four down. Two to go.

       Daryl rounded the corner of a paint-stained wooden table with a saw on one end, creeping towards sheets of hanging plastic tarp. Suddenly, and all too quickly, the tarp exploded forward and crashed into Daryl. He was taken off his feet and tackled onto the wooden table, far too close to the jagged blades of the saw.

       Beth didn’t think. She gripped the blade of her knife and threw it as hard as she could towards the looming nightmare wearing a dead person’s face. It twirled through the air, arcing like an acrobat. It landed with a squelch in the back of his shoulder.

       A bellow left the man’s throat as he arched up from the pain. It gave Daryl enough time to land a blow with his legs to the Whisperer’s abdomen, forcing him to stumble backward two steps.

       Rushing footsteps sounded behind her and Beth whirled around just in time to see Lydia enter the room, “Beta! Stop! Alpha—”

       Like a bolt of lightning, Beta surged towards Lydia, indescribable rage coursing through him, “You do not speak for Alpha!”

       Beth swiftly ran to cut Beta off, “Lydia! Run!” She grabbed the knife still in his shoulder and used her own body weight to carve a path downwards. A roar pierced through the air as she opened a gaping wound from the top of his shoulder blade to the bottom before she ripped it back out. However, Beth wasn’t quick enough to avoid the back hand that came thundering across her face.

       Her feet came out from underneath her and stars erupted in front of her eyes. The cool concrete came up to meet her as she fell, one of her knives skidding across the floor.

       “Hey!” Daryl boomed. In her haziness, she watched from the floor as Daryl swung out with both his knives. He sliced through his side, but Beth couldn’t tell from this angle if it was just his jacket for actual skin.

       Beta surged towards Daryl, using his size against him. She gasped as Beta rammed his knee into Daryl’s stomach and completely knocked the wind out of him, but that was nothing compared to Beta throwing him across the floor. She shakily got to her feet.

       Then, Beta turned his attention on her.

       Beth realized too late Beta was going after her to aggravate Daryl. That’s why he didn’t kill him right then and there. He wanted to make him suffer. To make him rash. To make sure he slipped up somehow. Daryl was still recovering from the blow he took from being kneed in the stomach and thrown around.

       Beta rushed towards her and she ducked behind a hanging tarp, using the brief moment of invisibility to her advantage. She stooped behind a half-finished wall and vanished from sight.

       Beta was large, but he was also surprisingly fast, so her advantages were slim. Her breathing felt impossibly loud in her head as the adrenaline and fear mingled in her veins. Beta’s thudding steps turned silent as he paused to search for her. Beth forced herself to breath through her nose and think.

       Her eyes franticly looked around for anything that could help her. And she found it lying on the floor in the form of a thick orange power cord half stuck under a stack of wood. It ran across the room and ended somewhere behind her. And right ahead of her was an open elevator shaft.

       His steps were getting louder and she heard Daryl bellow, “Run!”

       She scrambled forward and yanked the orange cord tight just as the tips of Beta’s boots appeared around the corner. He stumbled forward, his feet getting caught, but he didn’t stumble far enough. One of the knives in his hand clattered to the ground as he went to catch himself before he faceplanted. He fell hard, but clearly not hard enough because quicker than she thought possible, he turned and grabbed for her ankle.

       Beth flailed and kicked out as hard as she could. Her foot connected with something, causing his grip to loosen and him to groan. She scrambled away, but not before he dug his knife into her calf. A scream ripped through her throat just as Daryl overtook her and slammed his boot as hard as he could into Beta’s face. He fell away from Beth, letting go of his knife so she could scramble behind Daryl.

       Daryl slashed out at him with his knives and caught him in the chest, but just barely. Beth realized pretty quickly; Beta had no weapons. One of them was in her calf still and the other was lying on the floor to her right.

       Instead of running like Daryl told her, she dragged herself to grab Beta’s fallen knife, but her world was thrown off kilter as someone latched onto her hair and yanked her up from the ground. The searing pain in her scalp made her cry out, but it was nothing compared to her leg when she was forced to stand on it. Her eyes watered from the sudden rush of the pain infiltrating her senses.

       Something sharp dug into her side and she didn’t have to look to know it was a knife. Beth went ramrod straight, trying her best to subtly lean away from the knife.

       The Whisperer holding her hostage was apparently a woman because she commanded, “Drop your knife and back up.”

       Daryl eyes darted between her, the woman, and Beta. His eyes were hard, but she could see the fear burning them as he looked at her. He backed up, keeping all three of them in his line of sight, but he didn’t drop his knife. Beta’s stare was still on Daryl, still tense like he would attack again even if they had her hostage.

       She watched Daryl look to the left for less than a second. It was enough for her to follow his line of sight. And she saw Lydia crouching behind the table saw with Mika, who had her crossbow loaded.

       Lydia put her pointer finger to her lips and Beth turned back to Daryl and Beta, a whimper getting caught in her throat from the knife shifting in her calf.

       “The others?” Beta questioned the woman digging a knife into her side.

       “They are dead,” the woman responded, confirming. Confusion coursed through Beth. She either just lied or she really didn’t know, but either way they were at an advantage if they could just get through this.

       “We will deliver them for Alpha,” Beta commanded, “They will walk with us.”

       Beth suddenly felt the pressure of the knife at her side disappear. And the woman whispered sinisterly, “I will never walk with you.”

       Her words were barely out when she heard the telltale sound of a bolt leaving a crossbow. She watched as it embedded itself into Beta’s throat. The force of the impact had him stumbling backward as blood bubbled out of his mouth. He reached up to the arrow and ripped it out of his neck, his eyes landing on the person who shot him.

       Beth’s head whipped towards Mika, who was standing there with her crossbow still at her shoulder, completely unafraid. Beta took a step towards her, but Carl was there in an instant. A brief swooshing sound filled the air and Beth’s heart stopped as Carl’s spear sailed through the air and thudded into Beta’s chest sending him closer to the open elevator shaft.

       Daryl didn’t let him recover again. With one glance to her, making sure the woman wasn’t about to betray them and stab her, he rammed his boot into the back of Beta’s knees forcing him to crash into a kneel. Then, without hesitation, he drove both his knives into his skull. He yanked them out with a squelch and Beta finally collapsed to the floor.

       Blessed silence filled the room and Beth collapsed to the ground, cradling her calf. Daryl ran to her and dropped down to his knees beside her. Lydia, Carl, and Mika closed the distance. Beth looked them all over, “Are ya’ll alright?”

       “You’re askin’ us when you got a knife in your calf?” Carl asked incredulously, but there was an amused expression on his face.

       Beth smiled despite the pain, but Mika interrupted her response, “One second.”

       Mika clasped Lydia’s arm and they both rushed towards the area near the door. Out of the corner of her eye Beth saw the Whisperer slowly walk towards Beta’s body. The woman stared down at him with barely contained malice. She crouched and spit on him to her surprise.

       Then, she ripped off his Whisperer mask, while yanking out Carl’s spear and pushing it back to him. Seemingly with every ounce of her strength, she rolled his body to the opening of the elevator shaft and pushed him over the edge.

       Not even a second passed before a loud thud resonated and echoed through the tight space. The woman turned back towards them and was met with the end of Daryl’s knife. He stood between her and the last remaining Whisperer, shielding her. Protecting her like he always did. His voice rumbled through the room, “Give me one good reason.”

       Mika and Lydia came back into the room with first aid supplies. If Beth had to guess, she must have found the emergency stash. The former rushed to her and the latter spoke franticly, but approached Daryl slowly, “No…Daryl. She helped me escape. It was her idea to warn you.”

       “How do we know she ain’t just workin’ for Alpha ta get close to us?” Daryl continued, not taking his eyes off the woman as he spoke to Lydia.

       The woman’s hands were up, palms forward. She slowly removed her Whisperer mask and dropped it onto the floor. Her eyes shifted around, but settled on Daryl, “Frances. My sister’s name was Frances. She was the woman Alpha beheaded in front of your gates. Her son…he meant everything to her,” she turned to Beth and she realized in that moment, this woman had been there. She’d seen her sister pass her son to Beth and had to watch while Frances was brutally murdered in front of her. “She should be the one standing here, not me. What I said was true. I’ll never walk with them again. No one wants Alpha dead more than me.”

       The woman shot Lydia an almost sympathetic look and Beth forgot for a split-second Alpha was her mother. Beth saw Daryl glance down at her briefly and she nodded her head, having heard enough. She knew he knew. Daryl would’ve killed her already if he didn’t believe her.

       He slowly lowered his knife and turned towards her. His eyes ran over her body checking for any other injuries besides her calf and she grinned at the familiar ritual he always preformed after they’d been in danger. He knelt down next to her, looking at Mika briefly, before he rested his forehead against hers

       “Breathe,” Daryl said, his tone low and gravelly.

       Suddenly, Beth moaned out in pain as Mika unexpectedly took out the knife in one clean motion. She grit her teeth, the burning sensation ricochetting through her left leg and up to her hip. Her hands gripped onto Daryl’s arms for dear life and he held her steady like he always did.

       “Sorry,” Mika replied, grimly, “Thought it would be better if you didn’t see it coming. It’s not too bad. Should heal pretty quickly.”

       Her head tilted back to the ceiling and her eyes squeezed shut as Mika poured rubbing alcohol into the wound and began to wrap it. Daryl’s warm hand found hers and she squeezed it like somehow it would make the pain diminish.

       Despite the searing discomfort, she turned to the woman who seemed to melt with exhaustion and said, “Don’t know if Lydia’s told ya much about us, but we’re really grateful for your help. I’m Beth.” Daryl shook his head like he couldn’t believe she was rolling out the welcome mat right now given the condition she was in.

       “Mary,” the woman replied, but it sounded awkward coming out of her mouth. Almost like she hadn’t spoken it in a while, “I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone thank me for holding a knife to them.”

       “I’ve had worse,” she shrugged, “You’re welcome to come with us. I’m sure your nephew would love to see you.”

       Mary head dropped slightly in remorse? Guilt? Gratitude? Beth wasn’t sure, but she nodded, “He’s alright?”

       Beth smiled, “More than alright.”

       Lydia’s quiet voice pulled her attention away from Mary, sobering the conversation, “You got them all?” She was worrying her lips between her teeth like they’d judge her for being upset. These people were her only family for so long. She wouldn’t fault her for caring about them.

       “Yes. I’m sorry,” Beth whispered genuinely. She took a deep breath and listed them off, figuring she owed Lydia that much, “The man downstairs, the three at the door, the one Carl and Mika, and Beta.”

       Lydia’s face fell, “That’s only five.”

       Her brows furrowed in confusion, a sinking dread in her gut, “I know… Mary was the sixth. Wasn’t she?”

       Beth prayed. She prayed for the look crossing Lydia’s face to be a mistake.

       She shook her head, eyes going wide, “There were six not including her.”

Notes:

LISTEN! HERE ME OUT!

So, I know I've killed Beta VERY early. I have a couple reasons that I want to share with you.
1) I killed Beta for a couple reasons, but the main one is I wanted to explore how Alpha would react. We saw how Beta reacted when Alpha died in the show. I wanted to explore what would happen if the opposite occurred.
2) I have always tried to make this story logical (or at least zombie apocalypse logical lol). With the situation I set up, there was no way Beta was going to logically walk out of there alive. With Mary being there and already being on our side, Beta was doomed from the beginning. It would have been very illogical for Beta to have survived that fight with it basically being a 1v5.
3) I feel like a lot of Beta's story was already covered in the show. I don't think there's anywhere else to go that the show didn't already explore, unless I started making things up about his character which I didn't want to do.

On to more fun things! I am so excited for you guys to see Mika and Carl in action. As you all know, I have been building the relationship and lore between these two characters for a long time and you all finally get to experience it. They're the next generation woo! All grown up. The whole moment at the beginning of the chapter just makes my heart soar. I love them all so much <3

I'm curious to see if any of you caught the little hints I was dropping at the very beginning of the chapter... :) Anyways, all the love to you all and I can't wait to see what you all thought of the chapter <3

Chapter 60: Ode to the Lost

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I have a VERY long chapter for you today. There's a whole lot in there today and definitely something for everyone, so buckle up!

Thank you for all the support and I can't wait to hear your thoughts! All the love <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       “Dante is almost as loyal to my mother as Beta was,” Lydia informed them with a grim expression, “If it was any of the others, I’m not sure they would’ve even gone back to tell her. Dante will.”

       “Ain’t nothin’ we can do about it now,” Daryl replied, putting Beth’s arm around his shoulder and standing. She hobbled up, trying to kept her groan of pain in her throat. Carl must have seen her grimace because he got under her other shoulder.

       They started walking towards the door. Mika was sticking close to Lydia. Their heads were almost bowed together until Mika reached into the pack she had slung over her shoulder from the emergency stash. She pulled out the alcohol again and a bandage while Lydia rolled up her sleeve.

       “Lydia, are you hurt?” Beth asked, concern coating her tone.

       Daryl’s head immediately snapped towards her, his eyes narrowing in on her arm. Lydia shook her, “I’m fine. Just some scratches.”

       “Walker?” Carl asked, hesitantly.

       “Beta,” Lydia responded, no emotion in her voice when she talked about him.

       Mika cleaned the shallow cuts and wrapped them before turning back to Beth, “You really shouldn’t put any weight on it until Siddiq or Denise can put stitches in.”

       “Fuck this,” Daryl muttered and leaned her fully against Carl for a second as he crouched down in front of her.

       Beth realized what he was doing, “Are you serious?”

       He grabbed onto her thighs and hiked her onto his back, “Yeah. It’s a serious piggyback.” She wrapped her arms around his neck as he adjusted her. “Come on. Gotta get back ‘fore the sun goes down.”

       Mary looked around skittishly as they started for the stairs, “Alpha won’t forget this. If you thought what she did to my sister was bad—"

       “We’ll deal with her. She’s weaker now without him,” Carl countered.

       Lydia curled her arms against herself, “You don’t understand…my mother won’t just take this as a slight. This is war. Mary’s right. She won’t stop until we’re all dead. She doesn’t care about Beta the way he did her. Not having him makes her weak and she’ll do anything to keep her hold on the Whisperers.”

       Beth knew Alpha was a nightmare, but the fact her own daughter implied without hesitation she would kill her to keep her power was more upsetting than watching Alpha behead Frances. Some people didn’t deserve to be parents. Alpha most of all. She hoped her and Daryl could show Lydia differently. Show her the love she deserved.

       Daryl carried her down the eight flights of stairs with minimal effort, but Beth knew carrying her was going to wear him out more than he’d ever admit. She tried her best to wrap around him as much as possible, so she wasn’t tugging and weighing him down in all the wrong places. Although, she was going to start bleeding all over him. Not that he’d care all that much.

        By the time they got to the bottom of the stairs, the moans of the walkers could be heard outside the door in the lobby. Mary whispered, “I can lead them away.”

       “Nah, ain’t happenin’,” Darly grunted. She understood he didn’t trust. In fact, he was smart not to, but there weren’t really many options with her being hurt.

       Beth spoke quietly to him, “Daryl…we don’t have time to clear them. Not if we wanna get back before—"

       “I can do it,” Lydia spoke up.

       “No,” Beth and Daryl said at the same time.

       Daryl turned to look at Mary, his gaze piercing through her soul. He must have read something there and said, “Go.”

       He of all people wouldn’t let Lydia put herself in danger for them. Not again. And he knew this was the quickest way to get where they needed to go. Mary nodded and pulled on her Whisperer mask. She disappeared out the door, the squeak of the hinges drawing the walker’s attention. Beth watched through the small window as she was swallowed up by the dead.

       It didn’t take Beth as long as she thought it would to move the dead, but by the time Mary cleared the entry doorway, she could tell blood from her calf had started soaking through the bandage.

       Lydia and Mika darted to the front door first and held them wide open for her and Daryl while Carl brought up the rear, fending off any stray walkers who came their way. Beth breathed in a huge lungful of clean air, not realizing how overwhelming the stench of the dead had become.

       She scanned the road and buildings in front of them while sliding down Daryl’s back until her good leg hit the ground. He turned around, holding her close so she didn’t fall over, “What’re ya doin’? Ya ain’t walkin’ nowhere.”

       She looked at him pointedly, “Makin’ sure we wait for Mary.”

       Daryl scoffed under his breath, looking around at the others, “Won’t leave her. Alright?”

       Beth grinned up at him, “I know. It’s just an excuse.”

       “’Scuse for what?”

       “No matter what ya say, carryin’ me down eight flights’a stairs isn’t gonna be easy. You need’a rest,” she explained quietly, trying to hide her wince when she accidently put pressure on her bad leg.

       “Ain’t nothin’, Beth. I’m alright.”

       Movement over Daryl’s shoulder caught her attention and she saw Lydia biting her nails. She was looking around frantically and Beth wondered if being out in the open was making her nervous. With Dante in the wind, news of Beta’s death would travel back to Alpha, but maybe it was something else too.

       Beth was about to call her name when she paused, someone beating her to it. Mika closed the distance to Lydia. Looking at the them standing side by side was like night and day. Not just in appearance, but in demeanor. There was a confidence in the way Mika stood, shoulders square and eyes sharp. Her crossbow was secured to her shoulder with her knife at her hip.

       Lydia was wary and she seemed to curl in on herself, eyes darting every which way, but she saw the fighter underneath it all. She wouldn’t have survived everything she’d been through otherwise. All Beth could hope was one day Lydia would feel safe enough with them to come out of her shell. That she would eventually learn love didn’t have to hurt.

       Mika smiled at Lydia shyly, everyone trying to pretend they weren’t listening to the conversation about to take place. Mika unholstered her knife from her belt and held it out to Lydia, “Here. When we get back to Alexandria, I can help find you your own.”

       Lydia hesitated at first, but eventually reached out and took the knife, “Thanks.”

       “I’m Mika,” she said.

       The girl replied, hesitantly, “Lydia.”

       “I know. Daryl and Beth’ve been lookin’ for you for weeks. Glad we finally found you,” Mika responded with a genuine smile, completely unphased by Lydia’s wariness of her, “Or I guess you found us.”

       Lydia glanced between her and Daryl; eyes wide with disbelief. Before Lydia could say anything, Daryl grunted, “Woulda found ya eventually.”

        A squeak sounded behind her and she turned to see Mary hobbling out of the building like a walker, mask still on. Once the doors were shut behind her, she pulled her mask off and straightened up, hesitantly walking towards the group.

       Mary nodded towards something near the ground by Lydia, “Your feet?”

       Beth looked down by Lydia’s feet and realized she still wasn’t wearing any shoes. Dried blood had turned the bottom and sides of her feet a red brown color. They looked torn to shreds. She looked at her own feet and saw they were about the same size. Beth wouldn’t be using her boots much anyway.

       “Take mine,” Beth said, gesturing for Lydia to come over.

       Lydia shook her head, “No, it’s okay. I barely feel it anymore.”

       “That’ll only make it worse. Means ya could do more damage without even feelin’ it,” Beth replied, “Not hearin’ it. Come on. I’m not gonna be usin’ ‘em anyway.”

       Daryl helped lower her to the ground and gingerly remove her boot from her bad leg. Sharp pain shot up her calf and into her thigh, but she yanked her other boot off anyway. Daryl handed them to Lydia without hesitation. If Beth didn’t know some of Lydia’s background, then she might have laughed at the perplexed look on her face, but she knew too much.

       Kindness wasn’t something Lydia knew or understood. At least not yet. And it seemed Mika was already attaching to her. Beth hoped having a friend around her age would help Lydia open up more.

       Once Beth was settled back on Daryl’s back, they started making their way back towards Alexandria. Regardless of the Dante situation, today had been a win. At least, Beth hoped so.

 

~

 

       Home sweet home. And with the sound of the gates opening, Beth heard a comforting voice. It broke through her haziness and had her head raising up from Daryl’s shoulder.

       "What the hell happened?" Rick yelled as he ran over to them. His worn-out cowboy boots thudded in a familiar rhythm, getting closer and closer. The humidity had curled his sweat dampened hair at the nape of his neck and his right hand resting on the python in his belt.

       Beth felt Daryl's thundering voice in her chest as he said, "Get Siddiq or Denise!"

       Rick gestured to DJ, who took off in the direction of the infirmary. Rick approached swiftly, looking his son over first and foremost. His gaze caught on Lydia and Mary behind them, but he chose not to question it right now. There was enough trust between them all that Rick didn’t have to ask whether they were all right or not. He turned back to his son and pseudo daughter, "Next time you decide to throw yourselves into danger, don't."

       His voice was stern and quiet, but Beth still heard it all the same. Despite her exhausted state and her continued blood loss, Beth's heart squeezed, "M'sorry, Rick. I shouldn't of let 'em—"

       Mika interrupted, "No, it's not Beth or Daryl's fault. We followed without askin'. They weren't gonna stop us. No one would’ve."

        Rick shook his head, looking off to the side like he'd find some semblance of common sense over there. When he turned back to Carl and Mika, he pulled them both into a hug. Carl murmured something against his dad’s shoulder, but it was too quiet for Beth to hear.

        She heard thundering footsteps getting closer and Beth turned to see Carol, Ezekiel, Michonne, Judith, DJ, and Siddiq rushing over. Siddiq was pushing a rusted old wheel chair to help carry her to the infirmary.

       "Mika," Carol called out. The girl ran to Carol and into her arms, "What were you thinkin'?"

       Ezekiel's hand dropped onto her shoulder like he was double checking she was actually there, "Are you alright?" Mika nodded a smile on her face, clearly fond of the King.

       A warm hand fell onto Beth’s head and her attention turned to Rick, his brows furrowed with concern, "Beth..."

       She smiled sleepily, "I'm alright, now." Beth called over her shoulder, gathering the last of her strength, “Lydia. Mary.” They timidly walked forward, looking around Alexandria like it couldn’t possibly be real. Michonne joined Rick’s side. “This is Rick an’ Michonne. They’re leaders here at Alexandria. An’ they’ll take care’a you while I’m gettin’ stitched up.”

       Rick and Daryl helped her hop over to the wheel chair while Michonne approached Lydia and Mary. The latter saying almost to herself, “Haven’t seen anything like this since before the world…”

       While they were distracted, Beth leaned into Rick and whispered in his ear, “They're the reason we're still alive."

       Rick just nodded, a solemn look on his face. He understood what she was trying to say. They should be afforded a little more trust under the circumstances. When he moved out of the way to join Michonne in talking with Lydia and Mary, Siddiq took his place. He kneeled down and carefully unbandaged her calf.

       “It doesn’t look too bad. The knife went in parallel with the muscle, so a few stitches and keeping weight off it for a few days should do the trick,” he said, rotating her leg around before gently wrapping it back up.

       “Thank you,” Beth said.

       Daryl was watching the exchange happen, but when Judith walked up to them, his attention turned to her. Her almost comically large eyes were staring at her, clearly frightened by the state she was in. Beth reached her hand out and clasped her hand, trying to reassure her.

       Her husband’s gruff voice had Judith turning to look up at him, “Can ya go with her? Gotta watch her for me while I talk with your mom an’ dad.” Judith nodded, enthusiastically, which seemed to be enough confirmation for Daryl because his gaze fell back to her, “Gonna debrief ‘em. I’ll find ya after.”

       She nodded. Her energy was so depleted from the day and the blood loss she couldn’t find the will to summon her voice anymore. DJ started rolling her chair to the infirmary with Siddiq leading the way. And Judith remained by her side with her hand clutching hers.

       Beth drifted in and out as they made their way across Alexandria. The bumpy ride certainly wasn’t doing anything but lulling her to sleep. When they entered the infirmary, Beth was thankful to see it empty. DJ and Siddiq helped get her into one of the beds. Her head felt like it weighed a ton, but she could still feel the small comforting warmth of Judith’s hand.

       Siddiq wasted no time in preparing the needle and thread, “Alright, Beth. Can you turn onto your stomach for me?”

       Slowly, but a bit haphazardly, she flopped over onto her stomach, mentally prepping herself for the sharp pressure of the needle threading her skin. Judith found her hand again as Siddiq said, “I’m going to start the first stitch.”

       A groan escaped her and her grip on Judith’s hand tightened as the needle dug through her flesh. She sucked in a lungful of air, breathing through the pain. In. Out. In. Out. By the time Siddiq had finished the fifth stitch, Judith’s little hand was rubbing soothing circles on her arm. She was trying her best not to scare her by being too loud.

       “Mom…”  

       Beth’s heart stuttered in her chest at Judith’s voice. At first, when she peeled her eyes open, she half expected Michonne sitting at her bedside. When all she saw was Judith staring at her with concern, her heart nearly caved in. It had been a long time since she called her mom outright. Usually, mom was reserved for Michonne and she was Aunt Beth. And she didn’t mind it one bit, but she wouldn’t lie and say she’d deflated slightly when Judith first called her aunt instead of mom. She learned to love both.

       Beth felt Siddiq stop stitching her for a second. She wasn’t sure if it was because he himself was surprised or he knew she wanted to savor the moment without the constant pain making it hazy. She turned her head towards Judith and grinned through the pain, “Yeah, Jude?”

       “The two new people you and Uncle Daryl brought home. Are they with the woman who took Lydia?”

       This was not where she thought this conversation was going and the fact Judith brought it up had her eyebrows furrowing in confusion, “They are, but they’re gonna be with us now.”

       Beth bit down on the inside of her cheek as Judith asked another question, “Are they gonna come to the Fair with us?”

       “I don’t see why not, but you’ll have to ask them.”

       Judith’s eyes darted around like she was checking for people listening before she leaned in and whispered, “I don’t think people want them here.”

       She froze, her confusion turning to worry, a spark of adrenaline rushing through her despite her exhaustion, “What do ya mean? Did ya hear somethin’?”

       “Some people are still mad about Tara. They keep callin’ all the Whisperers animals, but I don’t think that’s true. Mary and Lydia are nice.”

       Concern bubbled up in her gut. Nothing good could ever come from division amongst their own people. Beth was angry at Tara’s death, but the person who killed her was already dead. It didn’t make it any better. Nothing would fill that hole and killing all the Whisperers certainly wouldn’t either. No. Alpha was the only one left who had to pay.

       “Think ya outta be on the Council. You’re just too wise sometimes,” Beth said, trying to keep her concern to herself for right now, “Thank you for tellin’ me.”

       The main focus right now needed to be the Fair. They’d taken out Alpha’s second in command. That wasn’t a small feat. It would significantly weaken her and she would be forced to regroup before she decided to strike.

       It was imperative the communities stuck together. Any division between them would only make them an easier target.

 

~

 

       For two days Beth forced herself to eat and rest. It wasn’t like she had much of a choice with Daryl constantly by her side. He turned into the mother hen he accused Rick of being, but she wasn’t complaining. The pain in her leg was still throbbing, but the sharpness had reduced to a dull ache, which was a good sign.

       Preparation for the Fair continued throughout Alexandria. The King, Carol, Diane, Jerry, and Henry all returned to the Kingdom early to help Benjamin deal with the influx of people. Alexandria was dealing with their own influx of people from Oceanside, who Beth spent the better part of yesterday greeting and sending off to Gabriel to receive their accommodations.

       She kept an eye on Lydia and Mary, Judith’s warning in the back of her mind. For the most part, Lydia and Mika were stuck together like glue. Carl too. It seemed like they both had taken her under their wing.

       Mary spent a lot of her time with Denise, who had been taking care of her nephew, Adam. Denise was skittish of Mary at first, but was open enough to let her see Adam. Regardless to Denise’s indifference, she’d seen Mary with Amber more than a couple times.

       A part of her wondered if Amber probably understood Mary more than any of them. They both came from a group Alexandria was actively fighting against. Amber knew what it was like to be on the wrong side of things and not be able to escape. She was sweeter than any person she’d ever met and Beth was certain she’d make Mary feel welcome.

       Two new people in the fold was usually nothing for Alexandria, but because they were Whisperers some were more on edge.

       By the time the last convoy of Oceanside people left to go to the Kingdom, most of Alexandria’s had gone too. Only three more carriages were scheduled to leave. Daryl, Beth, Lydia, Rick, Michonne, Judith, RJ, Gabriel, Rosita, Carl, and Mika. were all riding together in the one leaving in about an hour. Beth was still hobbling around with a crutch, but she’d be damned if she missed this Fair. She didn’t care if she popped a stitch or two.

       The second carriage would carry Deanna, Amber, Mark, Ava, Abraham, Denise, Mary and Dwight. And finally, the last carriage out of Alexandria would be Luke, Connie, Kelly, Magna, Yumiko, Siddiq, Laura, Eugene, Sasha, and DJ.

       Alexandria would be left in Aaron and Kyle’s hands along with many residents who volunteered to opt out of the Fair to protect their home. No one was forced to stay and no one was forced to go. The cards just fell where they were supposed to.

       Above all else, Beth was excited to see her sister and Glenn. It had only been about a month, maybe more, since she’d seen them, but she was thrilled to be seeing them under less tragic circumstances.

       Beth was slowly trekking towards the stairs leading down into her and Daryl’s room after seeing off the last of the Oceanside convoys, when she heard her name being called. She turned to see a grinning and out of breath Luke walking towards her.

       "So glad I caught you before you left. You know everyone around here, so do you have any leads on anyone who's got some singin' chops? I'm trying to wrangle together a last minute something for the Fair. I figured I should contribute somehow and music is maybe all I'm good for," Luke explained.

       She grinned at his enthusiasm. An answer was caught in the back of her throat, but she ransacked her brain for anyone else. However, someone else beat her to the punch.

       "You're lookin' at her," Daryl's voice grunted from behind her. Her head snapped to him, eyes wide, and he had the audacity to look smug and sincere at the same time, "Everyone'll stop ta listen to her."

       Beth threw an incredulous look at him before turning back to Luke, "He's exaggeratin'. I don't really sing anymore."

       Luke’s eyes darted between the two of them. "I don't know. Mr. Dixon, over here, doesn't seem like much of a liar," he said with a smile, "Come on, you'd really be helping me out here. It's this or I won't have any choice but to drag Daryl on stage with me and I don't think anyone wants that."

       Daryl grunted behind her in confirmation, but Beth wasn't entirely convinced, "What if I do? Wouldn't mind seein' him give it a try. I'm the one who took'a knife in the leg. Shouldn't I get'a say?" Beth fluttered her eyelashes at Daryl, hitting him with a mischievous smile.

       Her husband walked up to her and angled his body to be facing away from Luke. Daryl whispered in her ear, "Can bat those blue doe eyes at me all ya want. Ain't gettin' me anywhere near'a damn stage."

       Beth grinned up at him, her heart fluttering. She leaned forward and kissed him. It was quick, knowing Luke was still awkwardly standing in front of them, but she couldn't resist.

       Lately, she'd been craving Daryl even more than usual. Everything with the Whisperers and Lydia had smothered it for a time, but since they were home, she felt it bubble back to the surface. It constantly simmered beneath her skin. If it wasn't for her leg, she probably would've been on him the minute they got through the gates.

       Her appetite for food disappeared, but a deeper hunger for Daryl reappeared. And it was maddening, but she wasn't complaining. She wondered if it had something to do with them trying for a baby, like some part of her body knew the decision they'd made. Even just standing in his presence now, all her brain could think about was how quickly she could get him into the house and inside her.

       Daryl was watching her, eyes darting across her face, until he must have recognized something familiar and his hand tightened around her. A similar spark lit up his eyes. 

       Beth nearly giggled at his reaction, but instead she turned to Luke and said, "Alright. I'll do it." She was sure she'd regret it, but right now she was on cloud nine even with eight stitches in her leg.

       Luke clapped his hands together, "Great! I already got something ready. Can you read sheet music?"

       She nodded, “I’m outta practice, but I could once upon’a time.”

       Luke exclaimed, “Even better!” And he walked off, clearly already lost in his own plans.

       The minute he was out of earshot, she fully turned towards Daryl, “Wanna tell me what the hell that was all about?”

       He shrugged, “Wanna hear my wife sing. That’a crime?”

       Beth huffed out a laugh, “No, but ya coulda just asked me to sing for you. I don’t sing out in front’a big groups anymore.”

       “Ya could…” Daryl said, a more serious look falling over his face, “I remember ya lookin’ over at those people singin’ at the Kingdom. You’re better than all’a them.”

       Beth scanned her brain trying to remember what he was referring to and then it clicked. He was talking about when they first went to the Kingdom. Beth had stopped to listen to the choir practicing outside on the pavilion. It was so long ago she’d forgotten.

       The love she held for Daryl burst into shining color, echoing through her whole body.

       With tears pricking her eyes, she started, “Daryl—"

       “It makes ya happy. Hell, it makes everyone happy,” He wiped a stray tear falling down her cheek, “You should sing, Beth.”

       A giggle of pure, sparkling elation twinkled between them, but underneath it all was a simmering need she felt for him. And it was burning brighter than it ever had, “How much time do we have?”

       Daryl tilted his head at her curiously, until his eyes darkened with understanding, “Not while you’re hurt.”

       “Even if I say please?” She teased, but she really would beg if he asked her. She was that far gone. The pain in her leg had practically disappeared. It was replaced with a much more pleasant burning taking over her body.

       Daryl’s hand cupped her face and he used his thumb to angle her face up towards him, “Not. While. You’re. Hurt.”

       Beth wouldn’t push, but she also wasn’t against playing dirty, so she leaned in close, “When I’m better, no holdin’ back. Want ya to take me against the wall ‘til I’m screamin’.”

       His hand tightened around the back of her neck and it took everything to keep her moan trapped in the back of her throat. She knew the smile she wore was devious and uncontainable. His blue eyes pierced through her, “Just ‘cause I ain’t gonna fuck ya, don’t mean I can’t make ya come.”

       The sound that came out of Beth’s mouth was stuck between a whimper and a gasp. Daryl rarely talked to her like that. He hated referring to what they did as fucking because it used to make him feel dirty. Then, he realized she loved it. When she teased him enough, she could usually help him spiral into a place where he didn’t overthink and he could just be.

       Beth glanced around quickly and saw no one around. Their street wasn’t a particularly busy one usually, even more so now with everyone preoccupied.

       In the blink of an eye, Daryl had her down the stairs and securely in their room as she laughed at his impatience given, she was just the one practically begging. They didn’t have nearly as much time as Beth would hope for, so she wasted none of it in getting her clothes off and lowering herself back onto their bed.

       However, the bed didn’t dip like she expected it to. Instead, Daryl knelt before her. And Beth nearly combusted right then and there. She fell open for him instantly.

       He dragged his lips from her knee to her inner thigh. Then, he paused and stared at her as her chest heaved in anticipation. The way Daryl looked at her when he was buried between her legs never failed to make her entire body quiver. She watched his tongue run across his bottom lip. Daryl gazed at her with such reverence and obsession. The light they usually held for each other when they were together was edged in something duskier and richer. 

       Daryl gently moved her injured leg over his shoulder and encircled his warm hand around her other thigh to keep her open for him. She was breathing hard now. The hot air streaming from his mouth hit her right where she needed him and it was making her legs twitch.

       "Daryl," she whimpered, "Please."

       Beth was up on her elbows watching, but suddenly he moved forward like a moth to a flame and buried himself against her. Her head rolled back and her eyes slammed shut, sobbing towards the ceiling at the relief. The thing about Daryl was, the messier it was, the more he seemed to enjoy himself.

       He groaned into her sending shockwaves starting from her center and ricochetting through her stomach, chest, and legs. She couldn't control the noises falling from her lips and she was already getting loud. Usually, it took a little longer to get her this worked up, but she was completely gone. Lost in the deep whirling of Daryl's tongue. And he wasn't playing around. He went in determined to get her exactly where she wanted to be as quickly as possible.

       And he was a man starved.

       Moaning low in the back of his throat, he spread her open further, so he could go deeper. When he lifted his head, breathing heavily, Beth whined at the absence. However, she forced her eyes to open and connect with his. And she realized he stopped because he wanted her to watch.

       "Keep your eyes on me. Wanna see ya."

       He dove back down into her. She forced herself to stay up. Forced herself to keep her eyes open as pulsating waves of pleasure cascaded up her spine. She bit down on her lip, keeping a cry from cresting. 

       "Daryl. Daryl," she panted, her tone a much higher pitch than usual, "I'm gonna…you're gonna make me—"

       A sob fell from her lips when she rolled her hips up against his face. Both her hands were white knuckling the sheets of their bed. Beth started twitching wildly, any words she may have had turned completely incoherent. Daryl latched onto her hip, holding her steady, but his tongue kept working her vigorously until she was expending more effort to keep quiet than she was to hold herself up.

       Then suddenly and violently, the wave broke and her body went taunt like a bow string. Something deep within her snapped and she really was screaming now. Her vision filled with stars and her arms gave out underneath her. She barely hit the mattress before she was arching off it as wave after wave kept ripping through her. Just when she thought it was over, it kept going until she was writhing underneath Daryl. Nothing could contain her cries as they bounced around the room.

       Abruptly, she collapsed back onto the mattress, a sobbing mess as Daryl unlatched himself from her. She could vaguely hear and feel him planting warm kisses against her legs. He trailed his scruff along her inner things until he gently lifted her leg off his shoulder and placed it back on the bed. 

      Beth was still sobbing, completely overwhelmed, nerves shot with whatever the hell Daryl just did to her.

       When she finally opened her eyes again, he was gazing down at her, his lips glistening. Her brain was just starting to piece itself back together when she shakily leaned up to kiss him. Tasting herself on his lips made another moan settle in her chest.

      Her voice was still shaky when she finally spoke, "Think ya broke me. I… that was so good, Daryl. Not gonna be able to walk for a bit.” Beth felt the wet spot she was laying in now that her high had dissipated somewhat, leaving everything warm and fuzzy around the edges, “Think I made’a mess.”

       He huffed out a laugh, “Wouldn’t’ve stopped ‘til ya did.”

       Daryl was still looking at her with thinly veiled disbelief, like he still couldn't fathom he was allowed to do what he just did. And that look alone had her sliding her hand down his chest to the front of his pants. She felt him straining against them. He groaned deeply as his head fell forward, but he slid away from her before she could go any further.

       "Daryl, I wanna. Please," she said softly.

       He nuzzled into the hand she brought up to his face. His lips grazing her palm, "Can take care'a it myself."

       "I know, but I wanna make ya feel at least half as good as you just made me feel."

       He groaned, clearly still hesitating because she was hurt, "Beth, ya already did. Hearin' ya like that…tastin' you. Never gonna get enough."

       Beth rose up from the bed until she was eye to eye with him, "Neither am I. What ya feel when you're makin' me scream your name, it's the same feelin' I get when ya let me do the same. You gonna deny me that?"

       "Beth…"

       Her hand found his pants again and she popped the button as she surged forward and locked her lips with his. Daryl’s calloused hand halted hers while she undid his zipper. At first, she thought he was going to push her away, but instead he unzipped them himself and guided her hand into his pants. 

       Beth smiled against his lips, moaning into him to show her gratitude. Her fingers wrapped around him and he audibly groaned. She swiped her palm over the head of him before wrapping around him again. She'd do anything to get her mouth on him right now, but he showed her what he was comfortable with and she wasn't about to waste her chance.

       Daryl nuzzled his head into her temple when she found the exact pressure and speed he liked. She moaned into his ear, "You feel so good."

       His groan turned into a growl of pleasure and it made her need for him triple and skyrocket again. She glided her thumb over him causing a shudder to go through him. He stuttered, "Girl…ain't gonna last."

       Beth panted against him, "Good. Come on, Daryl. Please. I want it."

       She knew he was already pushed to the edge from what he'd done to her, but it seemed her words shoved him over. Her name ripped from his throat and she crashed her mouth into his as he spilled into her hand and onto her stomach. She worked him through it, his own stomach quivering by the time he pulled away.

       He breathed out, "Fuck, Beth."

       His hands shook slightly as he pulled his red bandana from his back pocket and cleaned her up, stomach and thighs, before swiping it across himself. He tucked himself back into his pants and settled onto his back next to her.

       Beth slid over until she was resting on him, his breathing deep. She rose and fell with the movement of his chest. Her lips found his neck, soothing him and herself in the process.

       "Thank you for lettin' me. For…" She stumbled over the words she wanted to say, her face turning red, but she pushed through it anyway, "For makin' me come harder than I thought possible."

       "Can't be sayin' shit like that or I'll be breakin' my own damn promise," he feigned a reprimand, "Was barely doin' anythin'. Musta really been needin' it. Didn't realize it'd been that long."

       "It hasn't," Beth replied, "But, I don't know. I've been wantin' ya more an' more lately. It's kinda makin' me lose my mind."

       "Shoulda told me. Woulda had ya 'gainst a tree out there if that's what ya wanted," Daryl grunted, but she could practically hear the grin in his voice.

       She sighed into him, "Don't be puttin' images like that in my head. I already want ya again."

       Daryl went still, "Seriously? That bad?"

       "Yes," she groaned, frustratedly, "Ya just made me see stars an' I still want—" She held her tongue another blush rising to her cheeks as her imagination ran wild. 

       Daryl's fingers grazed over her spine, "Come on, girl. Tell me what ya want."

       She focused on her own fingers tracing over his stomach, her imagination falling from her lips and into reality, "I wanna take you in my mouth. Wanna feel you inside me. Wanna bury my face into the sheets as ya take me 'til I collapse from exhaustion."

       She'd never spoken such dirty words, but right now it felt right. He should know how much she wanted him all the time. To hell with propriety when she'd been feeling like this for weeks. It was all spilling out without a filter. Frankly, it was relieving to just talk about all the things that’d been swirling around her head.

       "Look at me," he growled, his voice rumbling through his chest and into hers. She sat up slightly and saw his gaze piercing into her soul. His hand snaked through her hair and wrapped around the back of her neck, "Next time, don't keep that shit to yourself. Wanna hear it all. You can have me however ya want. Wherever ya want."

       Everything about him made her toes curl and body tingle. The way his hair clung to his face and neck. The way his thick hands handled her. The way his lips tasted and his blue eyes burned her. The way his voice caressed her and spoke to her roughly and sweetly. The way his muscles moved and shifted.

       Beth fell into him, her lips opening up against his, "Gotta get outta this room or we're never gettin' to the Fair."

       "Fuck the Fair. You ain't leavin' this bed 'til you're healed an' I can give ya everythin' ya want."

       A breathy laugh escaped her chest, "What happened to wantin' ta hear me sing?"

       She wouldn’t lie and say she wasn’t thinking about taking him up on his offer. Beth would happily stay buried in this bed with him for a week straight and not complain once, but she’d been dreaming about the Fair for too long. The blood, sweat, and tears of the Kingdom, Alexandria, Hilltop, and Oceanside went into making this Fair possible. She had to be there to see it for herself.

 

~

 

       The Kingdom was bustling. Crowded. And full of life. There was music, food, games, and trade. Children laughed and played. People caught up and talked for the first time in years. Beth couldn’t remember seeing anything like it at least not since the world had fallen.

       She remembered going to the Saturday morning farmer’s market with her daddy, mama, brother, and sister when she was younger. The town and all the small local businesses put it on from eight in the morning until noon. People would sell all kinds of things. Fruit, they grew on their own farm. Soap, they made from their own goats’ milk. Popcorn, kettle corn, cotton candy. Honey, cultivated from their own beehives. Furniture, carved with their own bare hands.

       She remembered it all, even down to the smell. And standing in the Kingdom now, she couldn’t find much of a difference. It all felt so familiar, yet so foreign. They had all been living to survive for so long and somehow after years and years of trying to live instead of survive, this was what felt like the turning point.

       “I dreamed ‘bout a day like this once. For’a long time, I never thought we’d make it. Gave up thinkin’ we’d ever do anythin’ but kill each other,” Beth whispered just above the noise of the busy Kingdom.

       Michonne turned to her, RJ in her arms, “I dreamed about it too. I never thought I’d be alive to see it, but now I can’t imagine it any other way. We did this for them.” She nodded her head towards RJ, who looked like he was debating about whether to be excited or overwhelmed or both. “Don’t think it was an option for us not to get here. We would’ve done anything to make it happen for them.”

       “You’re right. Guess it’s hard switchin’ from thinkin’ I’m livin’ on borrowed time,” Beth confessed.

       Michonne let RJ down when he saw Judith playing with some other kids from the Kingdom, “Can I go play momma?”

       “Stay with your sister,” Michonne replied and RJ ran off. She turned back to Beth and sighed, “It’s all borrowed time, but we carve out our own space in it and we keep going. It was borrowed time before the world decided to end. We just chose to ignore it. Now, we can’t. And that can either be a gift or a curse depending on how you look at it.”

       “We don’t get many gifts anymore. Think I’ll choose that,” Beth said with a smile.

       Michonne’s radiant grin shined onto her, “Think I will too.”

       “Bethie!”

       She and Michonne both turned to see a smiling Maggie and Glenn jogging up to them. Beth rushed to her sister as quickly as she could with a crutch under one arm and threw her arms around her neck. Maggie hugged her back like it’d been years since she’d last seen her, not weeks.

       “I missed you,” Beth said, pulling away, “How’s Hilltop?”

       Maggie tsked, “What’d ya mean: How’s Hilltop? What the hell happened to your leg?” Her sister ran her thumb over her cheek, before dropping her hand to examine her leg.

       “It’s nothin’, but a long story that I’ll tell ya later. I’m fine an’ so it everyone else,” Beth redirected, “I don’t get an ‘I miss you too’?”

       Her sister sighed, “I missed you too… An’ Hilltop’s doin’ good. With the Fair we’re hopin’ it’ll be even better. Winter’s right around the corner and we’re stockin’ up.”

       Michonne and Beth switched places as she listened so she could give her brother-in-law a hug, “Hey, stranger. How are you?”

       Glenn grinned from ear to ear looking like a kid in a candy store, “Better now that Maggie won’t be complaining about how her little sister never comes to visit.”

       “Hey—” Maggie lightly slapped Glenn on the shoulder as Michonne laughed.

       “Ouch, Mags. I could never do that to my perfect nephew,” Beth placed a dramatic hand over her chest, but a genuine question rose in her mind, “Where is Hershel?”

       Glenn answered her question with a point. She followed it and saw Hershel playing cornhole with Judith, Enid, RJ, and Alden. Beth briefly caught a glimpse of Mika and Carl introducing Lydia to Henry.

       “Where’s Daryl an’ Rick?” Maggie asked back to both her and Michonne.

       Michonne answered, “With Ezekiel and Morgan, probably tryin’ to fix something rather than enjoying themselves like they should be.”

       Beth wanted nothing more than to sit down and catch up with Glenn and her sister, but she heard her name being called again. This time she almost cringed because she knew what it meant.

       Luke was coming over to her, “Your stage awaits you.”

       Everyone turned to look at her curiously, but she kept her eyes on Luke, “Any way I could roll this back?”

       “You can, but everyone would be very disappointed.”

       Beth’s mouth popped open, “Ya haven’t been here that long. How many people have ya told?”

       Luke pulled out what looked like sheet music from his pocket and handed it to her, “Oh, I made an announcement.”

       She deadpanned, “An announcement?”

       “Yup,” he popped the ‘p’ with a grin and gestured for her to follow him towards the stage. She could see it poking out of the crowd near the middle of the Kingdom. Before he turned to fully walk away, something seemed to dawn on him, “So sorry, forgot my manners. I’m Luke. My group and I are new to Alexandria thanks to Beth.”

       Her sister laughed, “I’m Maggie, her sister. An’ this is my husband, Glenn. We’re comin’ from Hilltop”

       Luke nodded with respect, “It’s a pleasure to meet you both.”

       Beth’s head rolled back towards the sky and she held her breathe for ten seconds before letting it out. Her nerves were ramping up exponentially.

       “What did we miss?” Michonne asked her, eyes darting between the two who seemed to know more than the rest.

       “Nothin’. Luke an’ Daryl just thought it’d be good ta rope me into singin’,” Beth replied sarcastically, “In front’a all these people.”

       Maggie gasped, “Bethie, that’s great. You’ll be great.”

       Beth shook her head, “I haven’t sung in front of a group since the prison…”

       “An’ you’ll be just as good now as ya were then,” Maggie said, a sincereness in her voice that almost made her want to believe her.

       However she felt, Beth made a promise to Luke, but more importantly to Daryl. And she wouldn’t let either of them down. Beth unfolded the sheet music to look at the song Luke chose. And her breathe caught in her throat. It swelled until it started to burn her eyes, but she smiled. A true smile.

       “I know this song,” she whispered.

       Luke’s face softened at her reaction, “Even better.” He held his arm out for her to take, so she could lean on him while they walked.

       Instead of feeling an impending dread as the stage got closer and closer, she felt an ache of remembrance. This was no longer just a way to entertain people. It was no longer just a simple favor to a friend.

       It was lighting a candle for everyone they lost on the way to get here. It was remembering them for who they were and mourning everything they could have become. It was a way to say they missed them. It was an ode to them all. The ones they lost and the ones who were still alive to remember.

       Luke helped her up onto the stage and sat her down onto a wooden bench. People she recognized and people she didn’t flocked towards the open chairs, but Beth didn’t see them.

       She saw her daddy. Her mama. Shawn. Otis. Patricia. Sophia. Dale. Lori. T-Dog. Merle. Andrea. Bob. Tyreese. Aidan. Tara.

       And Beth sang.

 

Of all the money that e'er I had
I spent it in good company
And all the harm I've ever done
Alas it was to none but me
And all I've done for want of wit
To mem'ry now I can't recall
So fill to me the parting glass
Good night and joy be to you all

 

        Tears stung her eyes as memories of all the good flew through her mind. Words of the song flowing from her lips. She remembered her daddy’s smile. Her mama’s laugh. She remembered Lori’s warm nature. T-Dog’s resilience. Merle’s bluntness. She remembered Bob’s optimism. Tyreese’s bravery. Aidan’s friendship. She remembered it all.

 

So fill to me the parting glass
And drink a health whate’er befall,
And gently rise and softly call
Good night and joy be to you all

Of all the comrades that e'er I had
They're sorry for my going away
And all the sweethearts that e'er I had
They'd wish me one more day to stay
But since it falls unto my lot
That I should rise and you should not
I gently rise and softly call
Good night and joy be to you all

Good night and joy be to you all

 

       The last note rang in the air and it was completely quiet. Her surroundings came back to her and she felt a wetness on her cheeks, but there was a lightness to her body that wasn’t there before. Her heart echoed like a beacon in her chest. When she looked out on the crowd, all the people she’d lost disappeared, but it didn’t hurt. They were here. They left their mark.

       Now, when she looked out on the crowd, she saw Maggie, tears streaming down her face too. She saw Glenn looking up at her like a proud big brother. Beth saw Rick with pain and love in his eyes in equal measure, because he saw them too. She saw Carol and Michonne with recognition and awe on their face, like they knew. She saw Carl remembering all the people who made him into the man he was today. And finally, she saw Daryl.

       He looked so proud. His eyes glistened with tears, because just like her, he knew how far they’d come from that little campfire out in a prison field in Georgia. He knew it all. Felt it all. Lived it all with her. Just like they all had. And now they were here. Lighting a candle for all those who never made it. For all of those who deserved to make it.

Notes:

This is the third time I've ever cried writing this story. The ending with Beth singing really got me good. I was sobbing and trying to type through my tears at the same time. Thinking about all the characters that deserved to live to see civilization start again always makes me really emotional.

So, I brought back the song Beth sang in 3x01. And I made sure everyone she saw still alive in the crowd were all there when she sang in season 3 (minus Michonne, but I felt it was important her character was part of that scene too). This is such a big step for Beth and I was so happy to be able to end this chapter on this scene because originally this was not how this chapter was going to end...

I can't not talk about the spicy scene in this chapter lol! It's probably the spiciest scene I've written for this story. I've been trying to build to this moment so it doesn't seem jarring. Each scene they've been together I've written a little more detailed. Now, you guys sort of get to really see where they are at with each other and how comfortable they are now. As Beth mentioned, she's been feeling a certain type of way for Daryl for a few weeks...just dropping little hints here and there lol.

Anyways, there truly is something in this chapter for EVERYONE. If you like spice, you got it. If you like emotion, you got it. If you like action, well, maybe not so much for action lovers lol. But don't worry, next chapter is all yours...

I want to keep this short, but there's a lot in this chapter. I know. And it may seem like it's all over the place, but I promise there's a reason for ever single scene in this chapter. Nothing has been thrown in there for no reason. Even the spice!

I hope you all enjoy it and I can't wait to hear all your thoughts <3 Much love!

Chapter 61: Ten Seconds

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I have a family fluff filled chapter for you with a pretty interesting cliffhanger (unfortunately, don't kill me lol). See end notes for why I structured this chapter this way!

As always I can't wait to hear all your thoughts and thank you for all the love and support <3<3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       “Everythin’ looks beautiful, Nabila,” Beth gazed down at the four graves outlined in vibrant yellow and red Chrysanthemums, “You’ve got’a gift.”

       “Not sure ‘bout all that, but they did come in nicely,” Nabila commented with a soft smile. Beth hugged the woman fiercely, hoping to convey her gratitude for always tending to her loved ones. Lifting the spirits of others was a hard job, one she used to know well. Nabila’s warmth sunk into Beth and she gathered it up greedily. “I make dua for them every time I’m here.”

       “Dua?” Beth questioned curiously.

       “Prayers,” Nabila answered with a smile.

       Her eyes burned, slightly, and she squeezed Nabila’s hand in comfort and reassurance, “Thank you. I’m glad someone is. You’ve treated them with such kindness an’ compassion. You have no idea how much we all appreciate it.”

       “The beautiful thing is a grave is a grave, but what you put in comes back to you. Some people visit to remind them of the world outside. To ground them. Some will come here to remember the good. Whatever you give. You’ll get back and I prefer to show my respect with love. And that’s what I get back. Those flowers aren’t just growin’ ‘cause I water them,” Nabila teased, while her mind reeled at her words.

       Beth’s eyes drifted over Tyreese’s grave, then to Aidan’s. She was vaguely aware of the bright red flowers appearing like drops of blood amongst all the yellow. Like rivulets of gore on a dirt road. Memories of that night came flooding back, but instead of letting them win she replaced them instead. Every memory of a bat thudding, walker teeth gnashing, or silent screams, Beth replaced with memories of Tyreese holding Judith in her carrier or Aidan teasing her until her scowl turned into a laugh.

       And eventually the red Chrysanthemums were just flowers again.

       She felt a soft tug on her other hand, drawing her out of her own head, “Is that him?”

       Judith’s eyes were on Tyreese’s grave, which was resting peacefully between Aidan and Shiva. Beth nodded, running her hand over the girl’s head, “Yes… I’m sure he’s really happy to see ya.”

       “What did he look like?” Judy asked, curiously.

       Beth almost laughed at the innocent nature of the question, but then she remembered the only thing she had left to remember Tyreese by were her fading memories. No photo albums she could pull out and show Judith or pictures to keep stashed away to keep small details from floating into nothing.

       Another familiar voice spoke up before Beth could answer, “He was a big guy. When people first met him, they were always intimidated until he opened his mouth. He was kind and soft spoken most of the time, but he was fiercely protective of the people he loved. Including you.” Sasha spoke as if from a distant dream, her eyes locked on her brother grave, but eventually she turned to smile down at Judith, “My brother had a temper, but he was still a gentle giant even in all of this. He would always wear this raggedy navy-blue beanie.”

       Then, Sasha pulled her necklace out from underneath her shirt and crouched down next to Judith, “He used to wear this all the time. Never took it off.”

       Judith crowded next to Sasha to look at it, “What is it?”

       “Yin and Yang. He used to say it reminded him there was always a way opposites could work together,” Sasha almost recited.

       Judith looked deep in thought, the skin between her eyebrow creasing. It was an entirely too adult gesture for a child to wear, but eventually her contemplation turned into a smile, “Like all of us. None of us are alike, but we’re all family.”

       Beth’s heart squeezed inside her chest as Sasha smiled a true radiant smile. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, “Exactly.”

       A weight suddenly appeared on her left shoulder and Beth turned to see Mika coming to rest against her, “Tyreese was funny. I remember him tryin’ to make me laugh or smile. He was serious most of the time because he had to be, but even after…even after my sister died, he still tried to make everything lighter somehow.”

       “I wish I could’ve met him,” Judith admitted quietly. She looked up at Beth again, “Aidan too.”

      Beth grinned despite the ache in her chest, “You two would’ve caused way too much trouble. Woulda driven your Uncle Daryl crazy.”

      The squeak of rusty gate hinges sounded behind them, she saw a beaming Jerry looking at his wife, Nabila, before addressing everyone. "Come on ya'll they're servin' peach cobbler," Jerry announced with such sunshine enthusiasm. Usually, she would've been delighted, but the mere thought of cobbler now made her stomach churn.

       Regardless, Beth laughed watching Judith run up to him. Jerry practically threw her up onto his shoulders and took off towards the food. Nabila shook her head gleefully, while Mika and Sasha, who were still reminiscing about Tyreese, followed the path Jerry took. Which left her and Nabila walking arm and arm to the cafeteria tables the Kingdom painstakingly set up outside so everyone could eat together. 

       Her eyes caught on her whole family taking up two tables. They followed Jerry and Judith until the latter broke off to sit with RJ and Hershel. Jerry went to sit with the King, Benjamin, Henry, and Morgan. And Beth let her eyes scan the tables until she saw her husband sitting with her sister, Glenn, Michonne, Rick, Carl, and Lydia.

       Beth said a temporary goodbye to Nabila before she started limping through the crowd towards Daryl. She was doing her very best not to let the smell of peach cobbler get to her. It was odd. Her mouth was watering at the smell, but her stomach violently disagreed with the signals her brain was sending to her taste buds. She vowed to go see Siddiq after they got back from the Kingdom because she knew it wasn't just starting to worry her, but Daryl as well.

       The seat between Maggie and Daryl was open. It made her smile knowing they'd left it empty for her. When Daryl turned and saw her, he stood up and wrapped his arm around her waist to help her sit. "Daryl, ya know I can walk an' sit on my own," she teased.

       All he did was grunt out, "I know." But it didn't deter him from helping anyway. When he sat back down next to her his warm hand encompassed her thigh. Any time he touched her it was like he hadn’t touched her in weeks. Just the feel of his hand had her body heating up. All her senses narrowed in on his thumb rubbing circles into her thigh like it was the first time he’d ever touched her.

       "So, ya ever gonna tell us what happened to your leg?" Maggie piped up, pulling her attention away from Daryl. She shook her head slightly, trying to clear it of the hazy, lust-ridden fog.

       "She was bein' a badass, that's what," Mika said, sliding in next to Carl and Lydia.

       "Hey," Daryl said, a feigned scowl etched on his face, "Watch your language."

       "Sorry," Mika mumbled, "But I’m eighteen now."

       "Don't mean shit. Still gotta watch your mouth," Daryl replied.

       "Kinda hard when my dad swears more than anyone I know," Mika exclaimed, clearly trying to hide her grin, but everyone else had frozen, including Daryl. Mika’s eyes widened like she just realized what she’d said and hurried to rectify it, “Sorry…I didn’t mean— I just meant…" She looked around with a startled expression before stammering, “You, Rick, an’ Tyreese…in my head, I just always thought that’s what you were.”

       Beth squeezed Daryl’s had still resting in her lap. He was staring at Mika, biting the inside of his cheek. The young girl looked like she was about ready to cave in on herself. Her bright sparkle dwindled with uncertainty. Carl had taken to watching her carefully, but when he glanced back at Daryl, his eyes narrowed, daring him to say anything that would hurt his girl. Beth nearly laughed because it was such a Daryl-like expression. Carl no doubt adopted it from him. She’d seen that same expression on her own husband’s face many times.

       In the most Daryl Dixon way, he eased her panic, “You call me whatever the hell ya want. Don’t matter to me.”

       Mika rose at his words, a small grin tugging at the corner of her lips, “Really?”

       Daryl nodded with all the determination in the world in his eyes, “Yeah.”

       Mika shot up from her seat so fast Beth’s head snapped up to follow. When she saw Mika rounding the table, Beth smiled and scooted away from Daryl to give her some room. The girl made of sunshine wrapped her arms around Daryl’s neck, while he grumbled something under his breath making her giggle. He patted her arms briefly before Mika pulled away and started back to her seat.

       Rick raised his hands up, “What? Am I just chopped liver? I’m the future father-in-law here, right?”

       “Dad!” Carl yelled, his cheeks turning red.

       Mika hugged Rick, hiding her face in his shoulder briefly, “Of course not.” She slid back into her seat, her red cheeks matching Carl’s.

       Michonne was trying to hide her laugh, but her blinding smile made it difficult, “You did not just open that can of worms.” It was supposed to sound like more of a reprimand, but instead her tone was just filled with disbelief.

       A shadow fell across the table as Carol came to sit down with them, “What’s goin’ on over here?”

       “Don’t think ya wanna know,” Beth replied, shaking her head good-naturedly at her family all gathered around one table.

       Maggie interrupted still somehow stuck on Beth’s injured leg, "Okay, that still doesn't tell me what happened to your leg, Bethie." One track mind.

       Quiet fell over the table when Maggie and Glenn turned to her. The once lighthearted spirit surrounding everyone drifted back down at the reminder of the Whisperers and their looming presence. However, it was the soft voice of Lydia who spoke up first, "She was protecting me from my own people."

       All the attention turned to Lydia, who seemed to visibly shrink from it, so Beth added, "I got stabbed. Nothin' as heroic as Mika or Lydia are makin' it out to be, but I'd do it again." Beth added the last part as she pointedly looked at Lydia. The girl looked terrified of being rejected, like it was her fault Beth got stabbed.

       "Wait, are you serious?" Glenn asked incredulously, "I thought you just twisted an ankle or accidently fell down the stairs."

       Daryl brought his tin cup of water to his lips, but before he took a sip he mumbled, "She ain't as clumsy as you."

       "Hey. I've gotten…better," Glenn reasoned.

       Beth covered her grin with her hand, while Rick interjected with a smirk, “Seem to remember somethin’ ‘bout’a broken gate post an’ sum loose horses, or am I misrememberin’?”

       Glenn scoffed, “That wasn’t all me. Eugene isn’t innocent in any—"

       Maggie wasn't having it, "I'm sorry am I the only one concerned 'bout my sister gettin' stabbed?" Again, one track mind.

       Before she spoke up to defend herself, Daryl pushed his plate of cobbler in front of her, angling his fork towards her. "Mags, I'm fine, really,” Beth clutched her hand and made a point of saying, “My lack'a appetite is botherin' me more than my leg at this point."

       Maggie glanced between her and the food, hesitantly asking, "Are ya sick?"

       Beth shrugged, "Think it might just be allergies."

       Maggie’s face melted into something akin to shock, but it disappeared as quickly as it had come, "I'm glad ya still made it to the Fair then."

       "Wouldn't've missed it," Beth grinned, but her head tilted to the side trying to gauge her sister’s odd reaction.

       Casual chatter broke out amongst everyone around the table and soon it was all forgotten. Glenn was talking across the table with Carl about something related to a supply run. Mika and Lydia had their heads together discussing something which made Lydia blush and shake her head in disbelief. Mika's head snapped up briefly before she fell back into a hushed whisper. Beth followed her line of sight to the table behind her and saw Henry stealing glances over at Lydia.

       Beth made a mental note to thank Mika for taking Lydia under her wing so quickly. Rick, Michonne, Daryl, and Carol were talking about trade between the communities, which Beth was fine with not tuning in for right now. Everyone was engrossed in some form of conversation and she was perfectly content with watching her family be happy. They deserved this happiness and peace for once.

       Her sister suddenly leaned in close to her and Beth saw another odd expression cross her face, one she wasn't sure how to decipher yet. Maggie whispered low so only she could hear, "How long has it been since ya lost your appetite?"

       Beth's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, because Maggie's tone didn't seem as concerned as it did before. More captivated? Focused? She couldn't really tell. "A few weeks, I think. I'm gonna go see Siddiq when we get back…why're ya askin'?"

       Maggie plowed on like she hadn't heard her question at all, her eyes growing brighter with mirth, "Anythin' else ya been experiencin' that's…outta the ordinary? Somethin' maybe ta do with Daryl?"

       Beth quickly glanced towards her husband to see if he heard, but he was still in conversation with Rick, "I don't understand…" Beth paused and tried to connect the dots until it dawned on her what Maggie was referring to. It brought on a whole lot of other questions starting and ending with how she knew. Her sister could be a mind reader sometimes, but this was pushing it. 

       "I've been…" Beth lowered her voice even more and leaned closer to her sister, her cheeks heating up at the topic, "wantin' him more—" Maggie moved away from her to get a better look before a blinding smile broke out on her face. Confusion twisted Beth’s features at her bizarre reaction, "Maggie, what's goin' on? Why're ya lookin' at me like that?"

       Maggie glanced around before she said, "I lost my appetite too at first. It goes away an’ then you’re eatin’ everythin’ in your vicinity. An' I was the same way with Glenn." Her sister paused, searching her face before saying, quietly, "When I first got pregnant with Hershel."

       Beth's whole world dropped out from underneath her feet. Her head spun as Maggie's words registered and processed. The sentence played over and over again in her mind. When I first got pregnant with Hershel. Beth's hand and eyes dropped to her stomach and suddenly everything made sense. When she thought about it all together, it clicked. Her bone-deep exhaustion even after getting a good night's sleep, her loss of appetite, craving Daryl every second of every day.

       Then, a second wave hit her. Beth couldn't remember the last time she got her period. How could she have been so blind? Her and Daryl made the decision to try and have a baby before all this mess with the Whisperers started. And somehow the possibility of it hadn't even crossed her mind. She never really paid much mind to when her period came and went. Beth just dealt with it when it did. Maybe a part of her thought it would've taken longer.

       Everything slowed down as she turned to Daryl. He must've felt her burning gaze on him because his blue eyes suddenly turned towards her. They bore into hers and his tenseness melted away, like seeing her next to him was all he needed to feel calm.

       The way he always looked at her with such reverence and humility undid her. He touched her the same way. It was something she'd never find again. Never wanted to. He was gentle when she needed him to be. Rough and commanding when she needed it. And anything else under the sun because Daryl Dixon loved her. He made her feel beautiful even with all the scars marring her skin, the ones detailing her journey through hell.

       Nothing could have ever prepared her for how fiercely, violently, and completely she loved him. Jimmy and Zach were sweet and she hoped they were resting peacefully now, but neither of them truly came close, even though she thought of them fondly. From the first moment she realized she loved Daryl, it was over. She remembered the exact moment still. Of all the memories faded over the years, that one never did. It remained crystal clear. 

       She remembered Terminus. Remembered the face of the man Daryl beat to death to get back to her. In a place thrumming with pure darkness and vileness, Beth was hit by a freight train. She loved him. She remembered comparing ponds to oceans. Remembered realizing what she felt for Zach and Jimmy had been a drop in the bucket compared to how much she loved Daryl. And it had only grown over the years. There were so many chapters to their story. So much love and pain. Forgiveness and trauma. Misery and healing. And it all brought them to this. 

       Her world had ended multiple times. She could count them all on one hand. When the dead started walking, when her mama walked out of the barn, when her daddy was murdered, and when the Saviors came. Each time it ended, but it eventually began again. She found reasons to live and reasons to keep going. She changed and adapted.

       Now, her world was ending again, but this time it wasn't much of an end at all. It was the beginning. A future. Beth was pregnant.

       Daryl’s low voice cut through her fog of awareness, “Ya alright?” Alarm coated his voice and the way his eyes bounced around her face and body. He leaned in closer, inspecting every inch of her skin with his eyes.

       Once the shock had worn off, Beth’s head snapped back to Maggie, who was carefully watching her with tear-filled eyes. Her sister’s hand was resting over her mouth, no doubt to cover up her reaction.

       Rapture and pure bliss. It barreled through her like a tidal wave, overwhelming all of her senses. Everything became clearer. Her family’s laughter. The crisp fall breeze weaving through her hair. The vibrant colors of the changing leaves. The sweetness of baked peaches. It may have been the worse time for her to be pregnant, but Beth couldn’t bring herself to care. She was pregnant. She knew she was.

       “Beth…”

       When she looked to Daryl again, the tension seemed to melt away as she said, voice thick with emotion, “I love you.”

       His hand tightened around her wrist at her words. Many emotions crossed his face, until he leaned in and whispered in her ear, “I love you.” Daryl’s eyes seemed to catch on Maggie’s over her shoulder and his face fell again.

       Beth wanted to tell him before he figured it out for himself somehow, “There’s somethin’ I gotta tell you.”

       He didn’t say anything, but his head dipped almost imperceptibly, waiting for her to continue. However, the words died on her lips when she noticed, or more like heard, a commotion at the gates of the Kingdom. Everyone’s attention snapped towards the shouting.

       In an instant, movement broke out around the table as everyone gathered their weapons and stood on instinct. Daryl got up first and immediately helped pull her to her feet, his crossbow already out and loaded. He beckoned her towards him, “Stay here. Don’t want ya involved with your leg.”

       “Daryl, I’m—” Beth went to argue even though she appreciated him wanting to keep her safe, which now seemed all the more important.

       “Nah, I’ll be right back. Don’t move,” Daryl stalked away before she could say anything more.

       The King, Jerry, Rick, Daryl, Carol, and Michonne all hurried to the gates. The two unfamiliar men turned to Ezekiel and Carol first. From the way they immediately started talking, Beth guessed they were a part of the group Carol and Ezekiel enlisted to keep the roads safe during the Fair.

       A warm hand engulfed Beth’s. Maggie was standing beside her, concern crinkling the skin in between her eyebrows. When her sister looked down at her, it all melted away and she leaned in to whisper, “Congratulations. Can’t believe ya didn’t tell me you an’ Daryl were tryin’.”

       She huffed out a laugh despite her hand falling to her knife at her hip, “Don’t think now’s the time to reprimand me. An’ it hasn’t been long. Think I’m more surprised than you are.”

       “But ya are happy?” Maggie asked, a whole world of empathy in her eyes. Beth loved her sister endlessly for always cutting through the bullshit and getting right to the heart of things. When she was younger, it used to irk her. Now, Beth’s older and she realized it didn’t just make Maggie a great sister, it made her a good leader too.

       Beth let all the elation she felt show in a glimmering smile, “Yes. I’m so happy, Maggie. You have no idea.”

       Maggie crushed her into chest, almost making her trip over her bad leg. They must have made an odd sight. Worry was actively weaving its way through the Kingdom from the intrusion at the gates, but her and Maggie were smiling like idiots through it all.

       She pulled away and said, “Now, will ya please help me get other there. Ya know how I hate not knowin’ what’s goin’ on.”

       “You an’ me both,” Maggie replied and put her arm around her shoulder to help her walk faster. Carl, Mika, and Lydia all fell back to stand guard of Judith, RJ, and Hershel, while her, Maggie, and Glenn went to the gate. The closer they got the more aggravated the chattering became. Beth double and triple checked her knives as an instinctual habit before they closed in on the group.

       Beth recognized most of the group, except two large men wearing long coats and hats, but there was clearly something wrong. She fell quiet absorbing all the information flying every which way.

       One of the men was recounting something, “We were clearin’ the road an’ spotted tracks leadin’ to two overturned wagons—”

       “Dead didn’t do it. People did,” his friend interjected.

       “The skins?” DJ asked, already suiting up to go out and take a look himself.

       “Couldn’t tell, but there weren’t any bodies. No lootin’ either. All the merchandise was sittin’ pretty all over the ground,” the man with the deep voice and draw replied, “Tracks got too faint and went off in all different directions. Came lookin’ for some extra set of hands, while the rest of my guys continue clearin’ the roads.”

       Rick gestured with his hand, “We gotta take a count find out who’s missin’. Who was supposed to be on the last convoy from Alexandria?”

       “I was on the last carriage outta Alexandria,” DJ replied, “We’re all here.”

       Beth flipped through her mind, trying to remember the convoy schedule when it dawned on her. Dread spiraled into her body making her lightheaded. She could hear a pin drop as she said, “The second convoy. None’a them are here. Deanna, Dwight, Abraham, Amber, Mark, Denise, Mary. Oh God…Ava. They were supposed to be here before…”

       “Shit,” someone exclaimed under their breath.

       Rick’s commanding voice broke through the wave of panic falling on everyone, “We’re not sure what happened yet. Keep everyone calm ‘til we know what’s goin’ on. Daryl, Michonne, DJ, Carol, Sasha, Glenn you’re all with me.”

       “We’re coming too. You can use the manpower,” Yumiko said, gesturing to Magna and Luke.

       Rick nodded, not willing to argue with that logic until a voice spoke up from behind her, “Dad, we should be going too. We’ve dealt with the skins before, if it is them.” Carl and Mika were standing tall, weapons at the ready.

       An argument was about to ensue, but all that was pounding in her head was Daryl would be going back out there without her. She knew he was the most capable person in this world messed up world, but not being at his side so she could have his back made her skin crawl with anxiety. Especially now. Alpha had to know who killed Beta and took Lydia by now. Was there really ever a question about if Alpha would strike? It was always a question of when and how hard.

       And she couldn’t ignore the other piece of news she was holding close to her chest. All hell was about to break loose. Beth could feel it. Nothing would get rid of the nagging feeling in her gut that everything was about to go wrong, but Beth knew she couldn’t let Daryl leave without telling him.

       She learned her lesson when she almost died at the hands of a Wolf before she could tell him she loved him. And Daryl learned the same thing when he was forced to leave her behind with a horde of walkers and two strangers before he could tell Beth he loved her. She had to tell him. There wasn’t another option. Not when they all but swore to tell each other the truth since they burned down that shack in Georgia.

       Beth closed the distance with Daryl and pulled him away from the group until Carl and Rick’s voices became distant chatter. He followed without complaint, but still pointed out, “Said I’d come an’ get ya. Wasn’t gonna leave ‘til I saw ya.”

       Without warning her hand found its way around his neck and his attention snapped to her. His gaze burned through to her soul as she guided his head to rest against hers. Maybe, he truly did have a throughline directly to her thoughts because he asked, “What was it ya wanted ta tell me? Ain’t doin’ that ‘wait ‘til you’re back’ shit.”

       Despite herself, a breathy laughed escaped her even as her emotions got the better of her. Beth’s voice was thick when she finally spoke, “It’s the worst time an’ I’m sorry this couldn’t be better for you, but when has anythin’ been easy for any’a us? Promised to never keep anythin’ from you.”

       Daryl’s hand came to rest on her waist, like he was steadying himself. His chest of practically heaving with anticipation. Beth breathed him in, his scent washing over her as her hand tightening around him like a vice, “I’m pregnant.”

       He shifted and pulled away to look down at her fully. His face was slack as he blinked slowly. She held her breath. She knew they both wanted this, but it was also the worst time and her nerves were getting the best of her. Daryl was leaving her to go deal with another threat. If she was going with him, she’d feel marginally better, but she couldn’t. She would only be a liability with her leg still healing.

       “Daryl…” she whispered, wanting nothing more than to burrow into his body and stay there forever.

       Suddenly, his calloused hand came up to cup her face and he brought his lips down to hers. His lips were a furnace as they moved against hers, transferring all his warmth into her. When he pulled back, he breathed out, “Say it again.”

       The same warmth Daryl kissed into her exploded in her chest and she smiled against him, “I’m pregnant.”

       His hands tightened around her waist, pulling her further into him, “How long have ya known?” He whispered into their momentary bubble of bliss, his breath tickling her ear.

       “Just found out. Maggie figured it out before I did,” she couldn’t help rolling her eyes at the insanity of it, but also how perfect it was that her sister somehow pieced it together.

       “Course she did,” Daryl grunted, but there was a smile in his glimmering eyes, “So, that’s why ya ain’t eatin’.”

       She nodded, “An’ why I’ve been…ya know.”

       “Ain’t all that upset ‘bout that one.”

       She shook her head at him, but melded her lips against his again. The weight of the situation they were in came crashing back down when she heard Rick call out, “Daryl.”

       Beth reluctantly pulled away, but her fingers gripped onto the front of his jacket, “You better come home ta us, Daryl Dixon.” There was a command in her tone with no room to argue.

       “Yes ma’am.”

       Usually whenever he called her ma’am there was a playful southern lilt to his voice, but this time it was more serious. A breathless promise as the fire in his eyes hardened into resolve. His fingers slid off her waist when he finally detached himself from her to rejoin Rick.

       Beth felt a weight leave her shoulders while simultaneously her heart slowed painfully watching Daryl leave. She wasn’t carrying it alone. And she knew it would bring him home to her. No matter what, even if he had to crawl, he’d come back to her.

 

~

 

       Ten.

       It was a simple number if she thought about it. Ten minutes. Ten lilies in a bouquet. Ten fingers and toes. Ten pennies to make a dime. Ten millimeters in a centimeter.

       Ten. It was a simple number, but then again was anything ever simple. Ten people was complicated. Ten completely different set of morals. Ten different backgrounds. Ten different ways of thinking and reasoning. Ten completely different lives. It was complicated, yet beautiful. How could it not be? Where there was life there was beauty and love.

       But where there was life, there was also chaos and depravity. Ten people could be beautiful, but they could also be grotesque. Ten walkers, the hollow creatures coming for them all. Ten raiders. Ten murders. Ten people wearing faces of the dead.

       Ten never seemed like much anymore, but within a second that all changed. Ten people became ten of the people she loved. They had faces and names and families and histories. And suddenly, ten became too much. Too unbearable. It became ten tons of grief crashing down on her head.

       Because ten people she knew and loved were dead. Ten people reduced to heads mounted on spikes. She saw it for what it was: a punishment. Ten became thousands of memories pounding into her skull until she couldn’t breathe. Each of their faces filling her vision. Ten people to join the ghosts she sang to on stage. Ten seconds for her heart to solidify into burning ice.

       Ten seconds for her to come to terms with the person she would have to be for what came next. Ten seconds for her to accept Negan was right. Ten seconds for her to condemn them all in a single breathe.

       Beth took ten seconds to burrow her way down deep to a place she hadn’t been in a long time, but this time no guilt gnawed at her heels. This time it was out of pure survival, but not for herself. For the life she carried and the chosen family she’d made. She was free as the darkness welcomed her back home.

Notes:

I hate leaving you guys on this type of cliffhanger, but for the overall flow of the story, this cut off was way better than what I had planned. I don't want to rush the reveal of the pike scene and everything that leads up to it. I believe I promised some action last chapter, but unfortunately there were too many things I still had to set up before we got there.

That being said, I've structured this chapter very similarly to how I did when Negan first came to the Kingdom. Specifically, chapter 37. I decided to introduce these two pivotal scenes similarly because I believe both the Negan lineup and the Alpha pike 'events' are unavoidable no matter what timeline of TWD we're in. In my mind, those two traumatic events were fated to happen no matter what. The details may change because of canon divergence, but they'll somehow transpire regardless. Hence, why I'm mirroring the structure of this chapter with the introduction of the lineup scene/Negan.

But back to the good stuff! BETH'S PREGNANT WOOOO!!!! I'm sure many of you caught the not so subtle hints I've been dropping the last few chapters. I've been so excited to finally get this 'little' detail out there lol. This is something I've been so excited to write and I can't wait to dive deeper into this plot point. Daddy Daryl and Mama Beth have been fully unlocked (even though they're both basically already parents to all the kids lol).

There's a whole lot of fluff this chapter, which is partly an offering so you guys won't kill me for leaving you on such a huge cliffhanger. We finally get a Nabila and Beth scene. And we get a Mika calling Daryl and Rick dad, which I felt was appropriate given how they've raised and treated her over the last decade, give or take. And Maggie figuring out Beth is pregnant because she's going through the same thing she went through, ahh so cute. Savor the two chapters worth of fluff. Cause, we got a BIG storm coming...

Anyways, as always, your guys comments give me life and I can't wait to hear all your thoughts. All the love <3

Chapter 62: Deal with the Devil

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I'm so sorry for the delay in uploading this chapter. I've been really sick over the last couple of days and I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to get this out to you, but somehow here it is lol. I'm sorry if the flow of this chapter isn't the best. I wrote some of it while I was sick and some of it beforehand, so please excuse any grammatical errors or overall flow issues. I'm hoping to be all better by next Sunday for when the next chapter drops!

Anyways, thank you guys so much for all the support and love on this story. You all are truly the best! Can't wait to read all your comments in my foggy, sickness haze lol! All the love <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       Daryl couldn't think straight. The forest floor was fading in and out of focus as he tried to follow drag marks leading from the two overturned carriages. The sun had dipped below the horizon hours ago and their shitty flashlights weren’t helping. The trail was getting fainter the further they got from the Kingdom or he could’ve lost the trail because he couldn’t get out of his own damn head. Carol, Rick, Carl, and Michonne followed closely behind him, trusting him to do his job.

       He wondered how in the hell Rick and Glenn functioned while Michonne and Maggie were pregnant. It was all he could think about. His brain kept replaying her words in his head like a broken record: I'm pregnant. Her whispery, melodic voice was full of love, but also a tinge of fear. Her eyes were bleeding blue staring up at him, hoping he'd throw her a life line.

       It wasn't a look he'd soon forget. He knew it would remain with him for the rest of his life. It was the moment she told him he was going to be a father. And for the first time, he hadn't been struck blind with panic, but with an overwhelming sense of love and protectiveness. It grew tenfold in an instant, encompassing not just Beth, but the baby she was now carried. Their baby.

       He made her wait so long because of his own fears. Ones he knew he shared with her, but she got over hers long before he had. His heart squeezed in his chest. If he'd just gotten his head out of his ass sooner, Beth wouldn't be pregnant while another war was brewing.

       Daryl Dixon, don't you dare. Don't ruin'a good thing.

       Kinda hard when my dad swears more than anyone I know.

       Beth’s voice filtered through his negative thoughts. Mika’s words following right behind, pushing out another voice starting to sound too close to his father's. Warmth flooded through him, because even if she wasn't here, Beth was still saving him. Guiding him. Still stubborn as hell.

       And Mika… he must have done something right if she felt comfortable calling him dad without even thinking about it. Daryl wasn’t his old man. He never once called him dad. It felt too warm for a man like him, but Mika called him dad. He protected her like his father never did for him.

       Daryl’s head spun. He wanted nothing more than to curl Beth into his arms. Keep her there for the foreseeable future. Daryl would always protect her. It was his responsibility. His privilege. 

       Something shifted and roared to life inside him. Something far greater than what he was used to. He used to attribute the possessive monster inside him to his father, but it had morphed into something wholly his own. As much as he’d like to, he couldn’t blame his drunkard daddy for this. The furnace crackling somewhere deep down was no longer some small raging fire he could snuff out. It wasn’t the burning of a shack with moonshine as accelerant. No.

       This was a cannibal beaten to a bloody pulp underneath his feet. A Wolf gutted while he watched the light leave his eyes. It was the scorching pride he felt watching Beth slit Negan’s throat. The acidic vengeance seeing her bullet rip through the Claimer’s cheek. The deep satisfaction hearing the thudding of her knife as it disappeared into the Savior’s chest over and over again. It was vicious. Ruthless. Unforgiving.

       Daryl used to shrink when that part of him decided to come out, because nothing good ever came of it. Until now. He kept it at bay most of the time, but there was no going back. Beth was pregnant. And he wouldn’t let anything happen to her. So, he made a deal with the darkest part of himself. Protect Beth. Protect their baby. Protect Beth. Protect their baby.

       There wasn’t a single thing he wouldn’t do to keep them safe.

       “Daryl,” Rick came up next to him, shaking him from his thoughts, “Ya gonna tell me what’s goin’ on?”

       He hesitated, letting the silence stretch between them. He couldn’t tell him Beth was pregnant, not yet. It wasn’t his news to tell and it was still early, but he knew Rick wouldn’t take silence as an answer. “What we find at the end’a this trail ain’t gonna be good, Rick. We don’t get ta walk away from this.”

       There was a grave look of understanding on his brother’s face, “I know, but it’s not like it was before. They hit one’a us…they hit all’a us.”

       “Don’t know if that’s gonna mean anythin’ after what we did,” Daryl grunted so only Rick could hear. The others were trailing behind keeping their heads on swivels.

       “You an’ Beth made the right call. From what Lydia an’ Mary were sayin’, ya’ll took out their best. Don’t underestimate that.”

       “Did we? We coulda just made it a whole lot worse.” And almost like in answer, goosebumps rose on the back of his neck as a shiver went up his spine. He froze, holding his hand out to signal to the others. The forest around them was buzzing, but he could’ve sworn there was movement out of the corner of his eye.

       Daryl shifted his crossbow, aiming at the movement, but there was nothing. He signaled for a flashlight to be shone at his feet. The trail stopped abruptly right where he stopped. Scanning the ground, he saw nothing and everything. The trail ended, but it also exploded into five different directions. Almost like a perfect circle. It was too late by the time he realized.

       “Head back. Let’s go!”

       The growls and moans of walkers sounded over the buzzing of the forest. The dead closed in around them out of nowhere. Some of the faces looked vaguely familiar and fresh. Daryl raised his crossbow, taking out one ambling closest to them.

       “Watch their hands. They could be skins,” Michonne called out.

       Carol slashed out at the abdomen before sinking her dagger into the skull. Michonne sliced through the legs and arms first, before putting them down.

       “Back to the road. Come on,” Daryl barked out the command, but it was too late. Surrounding them were dozens of walkers on all sides. Daryl slung his crossbow over his back and pulled his two knives.

       They all subconsciously circled up to keep their backs protected. The night filled with squelches and thuds of the dead landing at their feet. The huffs and gasps of effort and might. His knives connected with skull after skull until his hands and mind went numb. When the walkers all laid dead at their feet, the true trap began.

       Armed to the teeth and by the dozens, Whisperers popped out of the dark, taking the places of the fallen walkers. A cock of a gun had Daryl’s head whipping towards a specific Whisperer, but he realized every Whisperer was armed. Their knives glinted in the florescent light of Carol’s flashlight.

       The walkers were just the front lines, but now they had to deal with the second wave. They were outnumbered and there was no way out.

       The Whisperer with the gun stepped forward, “Drop ‘em. An’ I won’t ask again.”

       Daryl looked to Rick, who dipped his chin in confirmation. He must have come to the same conclusion he had. Follow along until they couldn’t anymore. Clattering filled the air as they all reluctantly dropped their weapons. Daryl made sure to keep his right near his feet for quicker access.

       “All ya had to do was not interfere. The girl belonged with us. Beta was one of us. You took from us. Now, the tentative peace between our people is…done.”

       Daryl’s heart pumped violently against his chest, but he heard it like a drumming beat to the mantra in his head: To war then.

 

~

 

       The Kingdom held onto the tension even though Ezekiel did his best to keep the spirit of the Fair alive. It was hard to ignore the dozen or so fighters leaving the Kingdom to go deal with some unnamed threat. Beth felt obligated to keep up appearances for the sake of keeping the peace and reducing the possibly of panic spreading. She kept a smile on her face despite feeling like her heart was currently being held hostage in a closed fist. Maggie wouldn’t leave her side. A part of Beth wondered if her sister also felt the storm brewing.

       It was the calm before. And Daryl being out there was only making the mounting dread worse. She was trapped between wanting to do something and not being able to do anything.

       Beth needed a minute alone and away from all the noise of the Fair. The dull ache in her leg radiated through the rest of her calf as she forwent the crutch and limped to the nearest door. Somehow, she managed to evade Maggie’s sharp, but loving watchfulness, and ducked into an empty side room off the hallway leading to the cafeteria.

       It was a small room with a few windows looking out onto the Fair. Beth went to sit when she heard a shy voice say, “Beth?”

       She followed the sound of the voice and saw Mika popping her head around a stack of folding chairs. Beth paused for a second before she limped over, using the wall to help slid down to a sitting position, “What’re ya doin’ in here all by yourself?”

       The girl shrugged, but there was clearly something wrong and Beth could guess it had to do with Carl. “He promised me we’d always do everything together, but he left me here. I coulda helped. He knows I could’ve. He said it himself,” Mika recounted through stuttering breathes.

       Beth wouldn’t pretend to know everything about Carl and Mika’s relationship, but she knew they were young and had a lot to figure out regarding themselves individually and together. She of all people would understand, but it didn’t stop her from replying, “All Carl has ever wanted was for you to be safe. Maybe it wasn’t fair’a him to ask ya to stay, but it’s got nothin’ to do with how capable ya are.”

       Mika wiped at her eyes, “Think I’m more upset that I didn’t fight him on it. We made a promise…”

       “He loves you and he’s scared’a losin’ you. You bein’ alive an’ mad at him is a lot better than the alternative,” she said gently.

       Mika sighed, “I know…I just—You and Daryl always have each other’s backs. It’s like you can read each other’s minds. You do everything together. I wanted that for us too.”

       A lightbulb went on in Beth’s head, “Daryl an’ I do what works for us, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t break a lot of promises along the way. An’ that also doesn’t mean what we do will work for other people. It took a lot of work to get to where we are now. We both made mistakes and we both learned from them. Start by just talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Alright?”

       The girl nodded, staring at her with a little more spark and a little less confusion, “Think my mom was happy Carl said something so she didn’t have to.” Beth chuckled at the insinuation, but she knew Carol was the best mom and would do anything to keep her daughter safe no matter what.

       The two of them sat in comfortable silence, but soon her fond memories of Carl and Mika morphed into worry for Daryl and her family again. The constant pang of dread just seemed to grow, inevitably needing to pop. It always did. She was praying they all survived it when it did.

       “Do you think what I said was too much?” Mika said timidly and suddenly, filling the space in her head not occupied with worrying about the Whisperers and her family, “I never meant to say it…it just kinda slipped out. I don’t think I even realized that’s what he’d become to me, but I think I remember when it happened.”

       Beth tilted her head to the side and grinned softly with encouragement, “Tell me.” The moment Mika called Daryl ‘dad’ would stick in her memory for a long time.

       “We were out in the woods around Alexandria. It was only the second or third time I was tryin’ out the crossbow he got me. I hadn’t figured out the aim yet and I was getting really frustrated. Think I broke two bolts already by that point and we’d only been out there an hour. He kept tellin’ me I was overthinking it. And I remember not understanding what he meant, so I just kept nodding. Eventually, he went and stood right next to the tree I was usin’ as a target and he told me to shoot.”

       Mika tried to imitate Daryl’s rough voice, “Hit the target. An’ try not ta shoot me.”

       The girl continued, completely lost in the memory, “Remember yelling at him that I could hurt or kill him. And he just looked at me with that hard stare he always does. I was shakin’ so bad until he said out of the blue, ‘I trust ya.’ Daryl told me he trusted me. And it was like all the nerves disappeared and what he was tellin’ me earlier finally made sense. Hit the target. Don’t overthink. I lined up the shot and I hit the target. It wasn’t exactly on, but it stuck in the tree. I think that’s when he became a dad to me. He never yelled. Never got frustrated with me. He just knew.”

       Tears swirled in Beth’s eyes watching Mika retell her story. Her hand had subconsciously moved to rest on her stomach and it hit her. This was the man who was the father of the baby growing inside her. Beth knew he was already a great father, but hearing it from Mika was overwhelming in the best way.

       She pulled Mika in close and planted a kiss on her temple, “Ya know how much he loves you, right? It wasn’t too much. You don’t know how much it meant to him to hear ya call him that.” Beth saw the awe, validation, and relief in Daryl’s eyes when Mika called him dad. It was confirmation, maybe the last piece he needed to know he was nothing like his father. And he never would be.

       Mika’s hands were wringing in her lap, “He doesn’t say it, but I can feel it.”

       It was an observation and less of an accusation, but Beth still asked, “Do ya want me to talk to him?”

       “No, it’s more than enough. I like him the way he is,” she chuckled under her breathe, but her tone and demeanor became serious as she continued, “I don’t need to hear him say it, because I know already. And I’d rather that, than to have someone say it, but not really mean it. You know like…like Lydia’s mom. I don’t understand how a mom could treat her child like that…”

       Sorrow filled the air between them. Beth replied, her voice thick with emotion, “I don’t know either. All I know is some people don’t deserve to be parents.” She thought about Daryl and his father. Thought about how similar him and Lydia were. A tear rolled down her cheek, tracking a path all the way to her collarbone, “All we can do is show ‘em that love doesn’t have ta hurt. It can be gentle and kind and patient.”

       “Is that what you did with Daryl?” Mika’s curious eyes struck Beth square in the chest. For a split second, she looked like the little girl who called out her feelings for Daryl clear as day. She had always been too observant for her own good. The innocence of a child was no longer in her gaze, but the vulnerability still was. “I remember what he was like before. He was…different.”

       She smiled despite her tears, “I loved him the way my mama and daddy showed me.” Daryl hadn’t been gone long, but she still felt his absence like a twisted dagger in the ribs. She knew it would only get worse knowing she was pregnant. Beth sensed there was more Mika needed to get out so she kept quiet.

       Mika gathered her hair behind her shoulder, letting it fall down her back, “I’m scared for my mom, Carl, my dad…Rick and Daryl. I don’t want anymore people to die. I…I never got to say goodbye to Tyreese. I know it’s a dumb thing to hope for, but—”

       “It’s not dumb, Mika. That light ya have inside’a you…hold it close. Don’t let anyone tell ya it’s naïve or stupid. It’s what makes you strong,” Beth insisted, “But I don’t want ya to feel like you can’t let it go sometimes…”

       Beth knew what it was like to feel like she had to be the light for everyone else. It could be exhausting and often times it felt more like an uphill battle. Being everyone else’s light was different than being her own. She wanted Mika to know how powerful it was, but also it was okay to let it go sometimes. Mika was effortlessly sweet and kind. Beth knew Carol did her best to harden her so she had a better chance in this world.

       Unfortunately, witnessing Tyreese’s death did that all on its own, but somehow, she still kept the part of her that was willing to believe the best in people.

       “It’s hard…I want to be—”

       Screams ripped through the air. They were muffled, but her head still whipped towards the windows to see the Kingdom descending into chaos. She couldn’t see what the threat was even as she got up and went closer to the windows. People were running away from the gates.

       Suddenly the door to the room flew open and thudded against the wall. Maggie stood in the threshold, chest heaving. She had her bow and arrow out and notched, which only made her and Mika scramble for their own weapons.

       “What is it?” Beth rushed out. What was it this time?

 

~

 

       The sea of Whisperers surrounding them parted right in front of Daryl. The woman he swore he would kill stalked towards them. A long knife swayed at her side as she walked and Daryl remembered what she’d done with that exact knife the last time he’s seen her. She was the only one not wearing a mask. He was completely still, accessing and taking in as much information as he could. She could’ve killed them, but instead she was coming to talk. Why?

       Daryl wasn’t of the right mind to talk, “Ya ain’t gettin’ her back.”

       Alpha tilted her head like a predator examining her prey, “You think this is about my daughter?” The gleam of violence in her eyes told him it wasn’t just about Lydia, but about Beta too. He’d seen that same glean in his own father’s eyes right before he’d take his belt off. “I ran into some trouble on the road. It was unavoidable. Do ya like my new camp?”

       Her head jerked to the side, sniffing the air, “My people like to keep movin’. Keep roamin’.” Daryl nearly scoffed at the excuse she was cooking up to justify whatever bullshit she was about to throw their way. She didn’t need an excuse to start a war, so why was she creating one?

       “Lydia’s been granted asylum. Any attempt to take her by force will result in retaliation,” Michonne reiterated even though Daryl was starting to think this wasn’t about Lydia at all.

       Alpha swayed, eyeing Michonne, “What’s your name?”

       She hesitated, but responded with a strong voice, “Michonne.”

       Alpha turned towards him, “Does she speak for you?”

       He grunted, “We speak for each other.”

       Rick shifted on his feet before he spoke, "We take care'a our own."

       Alpha stood up straight, addressing them all, her voice suddenly louder, “My daughter isn’t a concern anymore. She made her choice. She was weak. She never lived up to expectations.”

       Daryl heart dropped, “Was? What the hell’s that supposed ta mean?”

       Alpha pulled out a shotgun seemingly from thin air and lined it up with his stomach, “Come with me. Just you.”

       He stepped forward, but a voice stopped him from behind, “Daryl…” He turned to see Carol looking at him with a pained expression. His eyes scanned his family all watching him with varying degrees of distress, fear, and anger. All he could do was offer them a nod and hope it wasn’t the last thing he’d be able to give them.

 

~

 

       “Where’re you takin’ me?”

       Daryl walked forward, further and further up a ridge. The trees and vegetation were thinning into more rocky terrain underneath his boots. Every now and then Alpha’s shotgun poked into his back, guiding him one way or another. He wasn’t sure how long they’d been walking, but the sun had started to rise.

       She kept quiet about their destination, so Daryl kept walking until rocks turned into boulders. He hesitated before climbing up to the edge of a massive cliff. A large valley stretched out for miles below him. And it was completely empty. He wondered for a split second if Alpha would just shoot him and dump his body over the edge. “Why’d the hell you bring me here?” Daryl still couldn’t see the angle if she wasn’t going to kill him for killing Beta.

       Alpha’s singsong voice finally answered, “This’s where I keep my horde. My people move among them, steering them. The only reason you and your friends are alive is because I was lettin’ you live.”

       Was. There it was again. Dread erupted inside him. Alpha never struck him as a liar, so if her horde wasn’t here, where was it? His eyes never left her as he asked, “What do ya want?”

       Her answer was short and probably the most terrifying, “Nothin’. You don’t got a single thing to offer me. I’ve seen how you live. It’s a joke. Your communities are a shrine to a long-dead world. My people, the Whisperers—we live as nature intended.”

       “That’s just all the bullshit you feed your sheep,” he said, sick of all her talk, “So they’ll follow ya.”

       “They follow me ‘cause I am the Alpha. And if the Alpha doesn’t assert herself, there is chaos. So, that is what I’ve done…” Alpha sniffed like a wolf turning her head towards the empty valley.

       Daryl’s throat was closing up, because somehow, he knew, but he asked anyways, “What’d you do?”

      She turned back to him, readjusting her grip on the shotgun, “Your friends back at the camp are fine, but I will not say the same for those you left behind. The next time you cross into my land or kill one of my people. My horde will not stop at just one of your precious communities. The land between the broken interstates and the river to the south are mine. I’ve marked the border to the north. You’ll see it as you leave.”

       “What the hell is that supposed ta mean?”

       “You’ll see it as you leave. This is only the beginnin’. I will not forget what you took. The Alpha must answer in kind or she will only ever be seen as weak. Your friends will be waitin’ for you in a field due north,” Alpha gestured her shotgun behind him.

       Daryl’s tongue was heavy in his throat, but he still said, “Lydia came to us. She made that choice an’ you wanna take that away from her too?”

       Alpha’s head tilted, amusement curling her lips, “It don’t matter what she wants. She’s still a child.”

       “She ain’t been a kid for a long time. You made sure’a that,” he growled. Then a darker thought crossed his mind and his fears were coming out of his mouth before he could stop them, “Did ya kill Lydia?”

       A wave of emotion passed Alpha’s face, “I don’t think you can protect her. I hope I’m wrong, but you can’t protect the ones you already have.”

 

~

 

       Maggie shook her head in disbelief, “There’s a horde comin’. Ezekiel made the call to evacuate…Never seen one so big. We gotta go, now!”

       “Evacuate? What about the Kingdom? We can’t just leave it,” Mika started, but Beth was already dragging her towards the door.

       “Yes, we can,” Beth answered firmly. If Ezekiel made the call to evacuate his people, she knew there was no hope in fighting off the horde and saving this place. He loved this place more than anyone, but he knew the people were worth more than a place.

       The Kingdom was in chaos as Beth, Mika, and Maggie gathered their things to flee. Rosita, Gabriel, Eugene, and the others from Alexandria and Hilltop were gearing up, while Maggie and Beth grabbed Hershel, Judith, and RJ. Everyone packed what they could into carriages as quickly as possible. Weapons, food, loved ones. Maggie forced Beth and Mika towards a horse, refusing to take any objections about other people needing the transportation more than her. Everyone was flooding through the back entrance of the Kingdom, fleeing to safety, whether it was back to Alexandria, Hilltop, or Oceanside.

       The groans and moans were now just a deafening wall of sound surrounding them. Beth could barely hear herself think or breath. She kept a tight grasp on Mika and Judith, who was holding tightly to RJ, not willing to lose them in the stampeding chaos. Beth ran towards Lydia, who was near Henry, Ezekiel, and Jerry at the back gates. The groans of Kingdom’s walls giving under the pressure of the horde were a constantly ticking time bomb in the back of her mind.

       Wave after wave of people flocked to the back entrance of the Kingdom. Carriages rushed through, horses becoming spooked from all the fear and noise. The King and Jerry refused to leave until everyone else had gotten out first. They bellowed orders she could barely hear over the horde. It wasn’t until Beth got to the gates when she saw the herd split into two. And she realized this all wasn’t just a coincidence.

       Something was controlling the walkers from within. Not just something. Whisperers. Half the horde was heading towards them, trying to cut them off from the right side. All of Beth’s senses suddenly narrowed in on getting Mika, Judith, RJ, and Lydia out of here alive. Whatever the cost.

 

~

 

       “The only reason you and your friends are still alive is because I was lettin’ you live.”

       Daryl counted ten. Ten steps up the grassy hill. Ten seconds of waiting before he understood who he was seeing tied to a tree. Ten seconds to understand why Glenn was bleeding with utter terror emanating from him. Ten seconds to realize he was pointing up towards Alpha’s border. Ten seconds before the howling wind was interrupted by gasps and sobs.

       “I’ve seen how you live. It’s a joke. Your communities are a shrine to a long-dead world. My people, the Whisperers—we live as nature intended.”

       Ten dark blips in the distance became familiar figures. Each more horrifying than the last. What little hope he had was torn from within his grasp and dangled in front of him before it went up in flames.

      "They follow me ‘cause I am the Alpha. And if the Alpha doesn’t assert herself, there is chaos.”

       Sobs tore through the air. The wind ripping them towards his ears. His crossbow fell through his fingers, thudding to his feet. There was nothing, except the ten heads growling at him. If he listened close enough, Daryl swore he could hear them calling his name. Telling him he was too late.

       “This is only the beginning. I will not forget what you took. The Alpha must answer in kind or she will only ever be seen as weak.”

       Daryl heard her voice in his head like a vice. Even the symphony of the dead couldn’t wrench her sickly voice from his mind. The warning was clear. As Daryl got closer to the spikes, his knees threatened to give out from underneath him.

       “You can’t protect the ones you already have.”

       He went down the line. Saying their names in his head like a prayer.

       Benjamin. Luke. Mark. Amber. Ava.

       Denise. Dwight. Deanna. Sasha. Abraham.

       Alpha was right. This was only the beginning.

Notes:

Oof, okay, a lot happened similarly to the show, but also a lot changed lol! Did anyone catch who isn't on the pikes, but who was in the same carriage???

So, the group that ends up going outside with the highway men are Daryl, Michonne, Carol, Rick, Carl, Sasha, DJ, Magna, Yumiko, Luke, Glenn, Benjamin, and the Highway men. This group further splits up into three. We follow Daryl's group. Sasha, Glenn, Luke, and Benjamin are the ones who found everyone tied up in the barn. The other group: DJ, highwaymen, Yumiko, and Magna followed a dead end basically.

In the show, Alpha uses the excuse of them crossing onto "her land" as a way to justify killing the ten people as a warning. In the show, we "kidnapped" Lydia from her camp, whereas in this story she escaped and came to Alexandria on her own volition. However, Alpha is still using that same excuse for a different reason. She wants her people to see Lydia holds no power over her, while also condemning her choices, but there's another reason she building up that excuse, which we'll learn about later lol...

Alpha still singles out Daryl because she knows he's one of the people who killed Beta. Alpha is not playing games. We not only took her daughter, but we also killed Beta. So, she unleashes the horde while also setting clear border boundaries with the pike scene. It's almost like she's answer two transgressions with two vile responses. She loosed her horde on Kingdom and killed ten people she knew were probably very important to Alexandria. Just like the show, she killed a wide variety of people. Young (Ava being the youngest, Amber and Mark's child) and old. Women and men. Strong and feeble. Alpha kills indiscriminately and without care. She's terrifying.

The Beth and Mika scene gives me so much life. I love them both so much and it's been such a joy to explore who Mika would've become if she had lived. There conversation, especially about Daryl, really got me in the feels. Mika loves Daryl so much and vice versa. It really is such a great father-daughter bond they got going on.

The Kingdom is falling. Who will get out alive?

RIP to Deanna, Denise, Abraham, Dwight (this one really hurts for some reason), Amber, Mark, Ava, Sasha, Luke (this one also hurts way too much), and Benjamin. Each one of them went out like badass and don't worry, you'll see a glimpse into what happened...not that you'd necessarily want to, but if I had to suffer through thinking about how they all died, so do you lol!

Love you guys <3 See you next Sunday!

Chapter 63: Before Your Eyes

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I have a very long and different chapter for you guys. I am very proud of this chapter so I really hope you guys enjoy it (or at least feel like it helps with closure).

I really wanted to try something different and I think it worked out very well, but it may take some trust. Additional context will be added in the end notes for anyone interested.

Trigger Warning for implied violence/violence against a child at the beginning of the story. There is nothing detailed and the scene cuts away before anything truly horrific happens, but I think it is still a disturbing scene and worth warning you guys about.

All the love and I can't wait to hear what you guys think <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       The barn cruelly reminded him of Hershel’s farm. It was small, more dilapidated after almost a decade of wear and tear, but he was taken back almost a decade to when single walkers were still a threat. And a barn full of them even more so. Everything was eerily similar, but now instead of walkers it was full of his family. Faces of the dead surrounded them and he found himself wishing they were walkers instead.

       Glenn surged for Dwight while Sasha did the same for Abraham. Luke and Benjamin forced the front lines of the skins back. A couple of them fell, thudding to the ground. The minute Abraham and Dwight were free they exploded towards the increasing pack of Whisperers flooding into the barn. But when one dropped another took their place.

       As Glenn tore through Whisperer after Whisperer, his knife gleaming with blood, he remembered a time when he refused to kill. Even to this day, he remembered the faces of every single person he killed. They visited him in his dreams. Sometimes just to talk to him. Sometimes to torment him, but he remembered them all.

       As he cut down each Whisperer, blood soaking his clothes and splattering across his face, he realized he wouldn’t remember any of them, if he lived. All he saw were faces of the dead and in his mind, it made them just that: one of the dead. It was a dangerous thought to have, because the dead weren’t people. They were nuisances to get rid of.

       The screams of a child filled the barn and Glenn’s blood ran cold. He saw Amber herding her daughter into a corner so she could protect her with her own body if she had to. Ava had to be only a year or two older than Hershel. Glenn’s entire goal shifted to a single task. Create an opening to get Ava out. It seemed he wasn’t the only one with the same thought. Denise and Deanna hung back to take down anyone who got too close to Amber and Ava.

       But they just kept coming.

       Abraham and Sasha were a hurricane. They moved together without any verbal communication. When one of them lunged, the other covered. When one of them broke the line, the other fell in to close the gap. Dwight and Mark held their ground next to him, knowing there was a little girl behind them who deserved to live. Not just a little girl but their niece and daughter, respectively. Benjamin and Luke held the edges, pushing the Whisperers hugging the wall into the middle where they met Abraham’s broken broom stick or Sasha’s knives or his machete.

       Groans and screams filled the barn and for the first time, Glenn hoped they drew a herd of walkers. They needed a miracle. His knife just disappeared into the back of another skull when a yell pierced the air behind him. He glanced towards it and saw a woman he didn’t recognize writhing in pain, clutching her leg. Denise was crouched over her, haphazardly pushing down on the wound.

       The woman scrambled for on of the fallen Whisperers near her feet and ripped off their mask. Glenn didn’t have time to comprehend what she was doing before his eyes drifted up to the other side of the barn behind them. The doors were open and shapes in the dark were starting to manifest. At first, he thought they were being saved by a walker horde. A rush of hope surged through him. If they could just hold out long enough, they could cover themselves in guts and disappear into the horde. It was a shit plan, but it was something. They wouldn’t last much longer how they were now.

       However, his hope was violently snuffed out when they got closer. They moved too purposefully to be walkers. The glint of their weapons in the moonlight ripped the last shred of hope he had in his heart.

       In an instant, he saw Maggie and Hershel flash before his eyes. He was going to die. They were all going to die. Instead of caving in on himself, a new sense of vigor surged through him. If he was going to die, he would make sure he’d take as many Whisperers with him as he could.

       “Behind!” Abraham bellowed into the night. Screeching filled Glenn’s head. Ava’s screams turned into Hershel’s and Amber’s cries morphed until he couldn’t distinguish if they were hers or Maggie’s.

       Bodies littered the ground. Glenn barely had any space to take a step, but the Whisperers suddenly halted their attacks. It gave him a second to readjust his grip on his machete. Abraham hesitantly signaled for them to take a step back. Mark and Dwight turned around to face the Whisperers flooding in the back barn door.

       They were surrounded.

       The sea of Whisperers parted before his eyes. And he knew the women walking towards them had to be Alpha. She was the only one not wearing a mask. Her eyes roved over the floor littered with the bodies of her people. When she looked back up at them, he expected rage. Hatred. Sadness for her people who’d fallen, but there was nothing. No emotion. Just depthless, never-ending nothingness.

       He realized too late this wasn’t another Negan. Another Governor. The Whisperers weren’t like the Wolves. No. Alpha wasn’t ruled by emotion. There was no fear. No connection to any of her own people, but she had blind obedience.

       One second, they were fighting. The next they were kneeling with gags in their mouths. No way out.

       Tears tracked down his cheeks, catching on the gag. The musty taste of dried blood filled his mouth. Amber was pleading around her gag, but it was still clear enough for them all to hear. For it to haunt him until his dying breath.

       “Please! My daughter…Just let her go! Please!”

       Alpha moved towards her, but Glenn sobbed against his gag, screaming to divert her attention. When her head cocked towards him, her eyes flicked to someone behind him and suddenly his gag was wanked from his mouth.

       He just started talking, “Let her go. She doesn’t deserve to be here.” Glenn looked around at his family. There was defiance, defeat, hopelessness, but underneath it all there was determination to get this little girl out of here. So, he knew what he had to say, “None of us will fight. Do whatever you want, but…please, just her. She’s done nothing.” Everyone in this barn would die to keep Ava alive. His chest heaved and his eye pleaded.

       When Alpha’s lip curled, he knew there would be no mercy even for the innocent.

       “No!” The gag muffled his screams again as it was shoved back into his mouth. He fell forward, but an elbow locked around his neck and held him still.

       Alpha’s long knife appeared at her side and she stalked towards Ava.

       His head dropped. He could have been screaming. He wasn’t sure anymore. Glenn shut his eyes and prayed for death. He prayed for Ava’s pain to be taken away. A violent hand grasped his hair and ripped his head up. The decayed, rotted face of a Whisperer hovered over his shoulder.

       A rhythmic clicking noise played in his ear over and over again, feeling like an ice pick shoving its way into his brain. The clicking subsided, but two hands found their way to the sides of his head, angling his line of sight towards his family struggling before him.

       “Open your eyes.”

       The sawing of flesh, muscle, and bone never ended. The screams never ended.

 

~

 

       The Whisperer plunged their knife down towards her chest. Beth shifted on her back, pushing herself further underneath the man pining her to the ground. Instead of trying to get away, she maneuvered to get better leverage and pushed the knife away from her chest. Beth let out a cry of frustration and surged up. She twisted the wrist of the Whisperer. The knife fell to the ground next to her shoulder and without missing a beat, she drove the heel of her palm upward into the man’s nose.

       There was a squelch and a muffled yell of pain as the man reared back. Beth scrambled up from the ground, grabbing the Whisperer’s knife, and drove it through his mask and into his temple. The groan of walkers had her scrambling to retrieve her knives and bow. The straggling herd of walkers wouldn’t be kept busy by their fallen horse for much longer now that its dying screams had faded.

       But Beth wasted no time. She ran, her leg throbbing. She knew she’d ripped the stitches the moment the Whisperers attacked. Her heart pounded against her chest making her whole body feel like an excruciating open wound. Beth stumbled through the darkness, the only light coming from the moonlight trickling through the trees.

       A crunch of leaves halted her in her path towards the cabin they once designated as a checkpoint during the Savior war. She silently notched her bow with her last arrow. Every now and then, the night was punctuated with the moans of walkers or the shuffling of their feet through the brush, but this was different. One twig crack meant human. Walkers didn’t stop when they made a sound.

       She rounded a tree trunk and saw a Whisperer. Their head was on a swivel, flinching at every sound. All Daryl’s training washed over her body. Her boots were silent as she hopped from tree to tree until she was close enough to line up her shot.

       Beth took a deep breath in and let it out. Her arrow flew through the air with it. The Whisperer dropped; her arrow lodged in the base of their skull. She rushed forward, yanking the arrow out as she went. Beth grunted in pain as she haphazardly moved the body out of the way to make sure nothing would lead towards the cabin up ahead.

       The body slumped against the ground covered by a thicket of bushes. She did her best to cover the drag marks on her way back to the path. Beth clamped her hand around her leg and it came back shining red. The cabin wasn’t far ahead. She just had to make it there and everything would be all right.

       Her limp got worse and worse until she saw the cabin hidden in plain sight. She practically fell against the door, knocking rhythmically in a familiar pattern. When the door opened, Beth fell forward, but Gabriel caught her.

       He held her up, “Beth…Rosita come help me.”

       Rosita’s macahuitl was still secured in her hands, but she rushed over. Beth slumped into a wooden chair and finally found her voice, “Where’re they? I told ‘em to run east.” Her heart was thumping against her chest from the adrenaline, but it started to turn to fear, until she heard shuffling from the back corner of the cabin.

       Mika, Lydia, Judith, and RJ all closed in around her and Beth sobbed in relief as she reached for them, “You’re alright?”

       Mika nodded, “We’re alright. Wouldn’t of made it without you…”

      She saw movement over her shoulder and turned to see Eugene coming out of the darkness. Her relief wasn’t long lived, “Maggie and Hershel aren’t here?”

       Rosita shook her head somberly, “We got separated by a small horde. I’m sure they’re fine. Probably hunkered down somewhere with Enid and Alden.”

       Beth breathed through the pain in her leg, but that was nothing compared to the trepidation squeezing her chest. Her family was scattered to the wind. She had no idea where Daryl and the others were or if they were safe. And the Kingdom had fallen.

       Gabriel kneeled down next to her injured leg, “Come on. Let’s take a look at this.”

       The adrenaline started to fade and the exhaustion hit her. Beth’s hand rested on her stomach and her eyes shut for a moment as she clamped her mouth shut to keep her groans of pain inside.

 

 

       By the time the sun had risen, the moans of the dead had subsided. The small horde that broke off and followed them from the Kingdom had dispersed or been rerouted by the remaining Whisperers. Beth held RJ in her lap on her good leg, arms wrapped around him to protect him and keep him warm. Judith, Mika, and Lydia were all curled around her in various stages of rest. Gabriel was pacing the inside of the cabin, constantly glancing out through the cracks in the boarded-up window. The rhythmic, uneven pattern of his pacing lulled her into a stupor, her eyelids heavy.

       However, it didn’t last long. Her eyes flew open when the knob of the cabin started to jiggle against the wooden chair lodged underneath it. Mika and Lydia rocketed up from their places on the ground and closed in around Judith and RJ. Beth tried to stand, but the pain in her leg was still unbearable, so she pulled her knife and curled around RJ further. He burrowed into her, but then the same rhythmic knocks sounded on the door. The ones she had used.

      They were a lot heavier than hers had been, but Gabriel opened the door anyways, flanked by Rosita and Eugene. The door flung open and standing in the doorway was Daryl. Beth’s head thudded against the wall behind her, relief flooding through her veins like some kind of drug.

       The tension subsided, but when Gabriel spoke, her head flew up again, “What happened?”

       That’s when Beth saw Daryl stumble through the door with a bloodied Glenn, followed by Rick, Michonne, Carl, Carol, and a limping Mary. Daryl and Rick helped set Glenn down on the chair while Eugene shut the door behind them.

       Mika and Lydia helped Beth up as RJ and Judith ran for Rick and Michonne. They both fell to their knees, clutching onto their two children like they had been certain they’d never see them again. Carl and Carol rushed towards Mika and pulled her into a bear hug, crushing her in between them. Beth limped towards Daryl, who hastily closed the distance and melted into her. His head burrowed its way into her shoulder and neck. If it hadn’t been for Lydia holding her up, Beth was sure she would’ve fallen over. Regardless, she grasped onto him so tightly she was afraid bruises might be left on his skin.

       Daryl pulled away only to pull Lydia and then Mika into the mix. Lydia whispered to Daryl through fear, “The Kingdom’s gone.”

       “I know,” he grunted, understandingly.

       Rosita’s bewildered voice spoke up behind them, “I’m sorry, but what the hell happened?” She was crouched next to Glenn, inspecting his wounds. When Beth glanced back to Daryl, she saw the haunted look in his eyes. And suddenly her stomach churned, bile rising in the back of her throat.

       Carl had the same look as he clutched at Mika’s hand, “Alpha…she left us a message.”

       Mika nodded, “We know. The Kingdom…” She trailed off when she saw everyone’s faces.

       Glenn looked like he was hanging between consciousness and unconsciousness, but his voice was rough as he recited, “Abraham, Sasha, Dwight, Deanna, Denise, Amber, Mark, Ava, Luke, Benjamin.” He listed the names like he’d been saying them in his head over and over again, “They’re gone. She killed them.”

       Beth’s whole being went numb. Her ears rang. She vaguely felt her legs give out underneath her as the weight of what had just been said pounded into her. Shouting started. Sobs. Screams she wasn’t sure if they were in her head or not. Daryl’s hands were under her arms, easing her to the floor.

       She heard him call her name, but all she could see were their faces. Their lives flashing before her eyes. Not just their lives. Her memories.

 

~

 

       It took a couple months before Sasha came to see her. Beth thought it would’ve been right after Rick told her she refused to kill Negan. The man who killed her brother right in front of her. Who tortured her by beating and cutting off Aaron’s arm in front of her. Beth expected Sasha to come sooner.

       The door to Alexandria’s infirmary opened, letting a soft breeze enter the room. Beth stood where she was crouched by the medicine cabinet, checking what they were running low on. When she saw the look in Sasha’s eyes, Beth knew. The shame and guilt spiraled into her full force. She could barely look at her in the eyes, but she owed her at least that after the decision she took from her.

       One word exited Sasha’s mouth in a huff, “Why?”

       Bile rose in the back of her throat. There was nowhere to run, “I couldn’t…I thought it was ‘cause I wanted him to suffer. An’ he will, but I couldn’t.

       “You were there…he killed them right in front of you. And that’s all you can say…you couldn’t?” Sasha’s voice rose. “You were there with him. You saw what he was. Why does he get to be here and they don’t? Look what he did to Aaron! My brother and Aidan should have been—"”

       “Sasha, please…” Beth’s voice shook as the images of Tyreese and Aidan filled her head, “What I took from you is unforgivable an’ I can’t take it back. But he’s gonna suffer. I promise.”

       Sasha’s eyes started to water, “Give me a better reason.” Her demeanor started to deteriorate, the anger going with it, but what she saw underneath was the same pain Beth saw in the mirror each morning.

       “I was selfish... Everythin’ I did while I was at Sanctuary was for them. For you all. When I slit his throat, it was for them…but I was selfish. Savin’ him was for me,” Beth stuttered, tears threatening to fall watching Sasha crumble in front of her, but she owed her the truth, “I still hear him. All the time. If…if I killed him, he’d never leave.”

       Tears fell down Sasha’s cheeks, her pained manifesting through the tenseness of her body, “He deserved to die.”

       Beth nodded as she wrapped her arms around herself, “I know. I’m sorry.” She walked a few steps forward until she was standing right in front of her. There was still apprehension in the way Sasha turned away from her slightly, but she reached out anyway. Her hand rested lightly on her forearm.

       Silence filled the room, only interrupted by hitching breathes and sniffling. Suddenly, Sasha fully turned towards her, catching her eye, “He doesn’t deserve anymore of our pain.” Beth breathed in sharply, but Sasha continued, “I’m still mad. I’ll never understand what you went through over there or why you did what you did. But no matter how it all went down; I still got your back.”

       Sasha clutched the necklace around her neck and Beth realized it used to be Tyreese’s. Yin and yang. It was fitting. Two opposites coming together. For a split second, Beth felt Tyreese standing over them both.

 

~

 

       There was a knock on the front door. It startled Beth from her stupor enough to cause her to flinch. The house was so quiet. Rick and Michonne were on a walk with Judith and Carl. Mika was off somewhere training with Carol and Daryl. So, their house in Alexandria was quiet. Too quiet. Daryl told her she should rest after coming back from Hilltop, but she knew it had nothing to do with the journey and more to do with her last conversation with Negan. His words played in her head.

       And you still couldn’t kill me?

       You should have just let me save all of you.

       You aren’t savin; the world. You’re just gettin’ it ready for me.

       Shoulda killed all of you.

       Beth still heard him, but it was different somehow. Another knock on the door pushed her out of her seat in the kitchen and towards the front of the house. The knock had been softer this time, almost like the person corrected themselves.

       She cracked open the door as a habit, but opened it wide when she saw Dwight standing on the porch. He looked a bit disheveled from farming a new plot of land, but he nodded at her. Beth stepped aside without a word and let him inside. She knew it was considered rude not to greet him, but her energy was still drained.

       There was no need for small talk where her and Dwight were concerned anyway, but even that knowledge didn’t prepare her for the question he asked.

       Dwight paused at the threshold of the kitchen, “Did ya find what you were lookin’ for?”

       A bubble of air got lodged in her throat and her body buzzed as it narrowed in on all the emotions she’d been trying to process since she saw Negan. It itched all over like a closing wound. Her breathing became heavy, but she forced herself to look Dwight in the eye.

       “It still hurts—” she stumbled over her words as they got caught in her swelling throat. Dwight started to go blurry in front of her, tears stinging her eyes, “The guilt…but I’m gonna be alright now.”

       The moment the words left her lips relief surged through her because there was an end in sight. She could see it. A sob carrying the weight of all her guilt, anger, frustration, and hopelessness burst from her chest. Dwight surged forward, holding his hands out to her. She clasped onto his forearms, heaving as tears openly streamed down her face.

        Dwight repeated her words back to her. His voice strong, “You’re gonna be alright, Beth.”

       She nodded and repeated, “I’m gonna be alright.”

       Tears were swimming in Dwight’s eyes because he knew. He understood. She found what she needed to heal. Dwight stayed with her until her sobs subsided and the tears on his cheeks dried. He let her mumble through all the Saviors she killed. Never raised an eyebrow when she told him why she couldn’t kill Negan. He listened. And he understood.

       And there were no words she could ever put together to tell him how grateful she was. So, she would just have to show him for the rest of her life.

 

~

 

       “Again!” Abraham bellowed, “We’re not movin’ on ‘til you get it.”

       “How am I supposed to get it when I don’t know what ya want!” Beth huffed in frustration.

       Abraham stood unmoving in the open grassy patch the two of them had deemed their training grounds the minute they first got to Alexandria. Almost a year and a half had passed since the Savior war and Beth was still using training as a way to help ease her mind, but her past few sessions with Abraham had been brutal to say the least.

       “Need ya to do some damn fine genuine outside the box thinkin’. Open your ears,” Abraham instructed vaguely, “Again!”

       Sweat dripped down her back making her think there were bugs crawling all over her, but she kept her mouth shut and went again. Abraham charged her. Beth ducked under his left side this time and rammed her boot into the back of his knee. He crumbled and she brought her wooden practice knife to his temple. Dead. They couldn’t hurt her if they were dead.

        Abraham stood and turned towards her, the fire in his eyes clear, “Again.”

       Beth dropped her imitation knife, “Abraham, I don’t understand what I’m doin’ wrong. Help me out here!”

       “There’s a vast ocean of shit out there. You know that. You fight to kill. That’s how I taught you, but that’s not how you fight. Can see ya ignorin’ your gut. That ain’t gonna help you for shit out there.”

       Beth stared at him like he’d grown two heads, “I’m doin’ what ya taught me…”

       He paused, his tone serious, “I ain’t questionin’ your skills.” No, he was questioning her gut. The very thing she got so used to ignoring.

       Beth’s mouth opened and closed, but when nothing came out, she picked up her piece of wood and got in position. Instead of thinking and anticipating, she tried listening. At first, there was nothing but hollow empty space until Abraham started to move. Her mind was screaming at her to kill, but underneath it was a softer voice. It was pulsing and soothing. And it told her to duck, so she did.

       The handgun Abraham pulled out from his waistband went over her head. She listened again and with a swift move, the gun was now in her hands instead of Abraham’s. Beth pointed the gun at him, knowing full well there was no clip, but instead of pulling the trigger like her brain told her to, she stepped back. Distancing herself from him.

       Abraham nodded, “Good. Now you’re gettin’ it.” He opened his palm towards her and she put the gun back in his hand. Then, he said something that struck her deeply, “Ya don’t kill, Beth. You dance.”

 

~

 

       “When has being careless been a part of your m.o.?” Denise chastised, gathering a needle, thread, bandages, and a sterilizing agent. The infirmary was empty until about five minutes ago when the group coming back from a two-week run stumbled back into Alexandria. Literally.

       Tara rolled her eyes, “Do you know who you’re talkin’ to?” Beth was pinching together a pretty deep cut on Tara’s side. The bleeding had subsided somewhat, but she was starting to look pretty pale. The rest of the crew had a few scrapes and bruises, maybe a concussion, but they were otherwise unharmed. DJ was pacing behind Beth, clearly worried about Tara.

       He spoke up defending her, “It was my fault. Shouldn’t have pushed goin’ into that last warehouse.”

       Tara groaned, “DJ, we’ve been over this. I was goin’ to check it out whether you gave the okay or not.”

       "Tara—” Denise started.

       “Yes, Denise. I know. Careless. I heard you,” Tara interrupted.

       Denise dumped all the supplies on the table next to Tara’s bed. She rolled the table towards Beth, “You’re up.”

       Beth stared at her disbelievingly, “What? I can’t…”

       “Yes, you can. I’ve seen you stitch just as well as me and Siddiq,” Denise replied, her voice strong.

       She stared down at her bloody hands still clutching at Tara’s side. Beth hadn’t healed anyone since before the Savior war. Her hands weren’t made for mending anymore. They killed and maimed. Denise knew this. Beth had told her as much in one of their many ‘talking’ sessions. What if she accidently killed Tara? Because that’s the only thing her hands were good for anymore.

       Beth stuttered, “I haven’t—”

       “It doesn’t matter. You can. Do it, now,” Denise commanded as she went to tend to DJ’s head wound.

       Everyone had gone quiet. Even Tara had taken to laying back and pulling up her shirt a bit further to give her more access. Denise’s command rang in her head. Beth had to do this or Tara was going to lose more blood. So, Beth picked up the needle, dosed it in rubbing alcohol, and tied off her thread.

       The first stitch was the hardest. Tara tried her best not to flinch, but when someone was threading wounded skin with a needle, it was hard not to squirm. Negan’s voice tried to weasel its way into her mind, but she refused to hear it. Instead, she shut everything off and just let muscle memory take over.

       By the time Beth was halfway, the infirmary had mostly cleared out minus Denise and DJ. Tara had gotten used to the pain and was resting her eyes. And Beth kept stitching. One stitch at a time until she was tying it off and cleaning the wound.

       When she sat back, her hands were covered in dried blood, but not from taking someone’s life. It was from putting someone back together. Not just someone. One of her family. The blood didn’t feel as heavy. It didn’t sink into her skin. It was just there.

       While Denise wrapped Tara’s wound, Beth washed off her hands, checked on DJ, and then stepped outside. She breathed out a sigh of relief as she watched Alexandrians come and go down the road like any normal day. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been outside when the door opened behind her.

       Denise stepped out and smiled at her. Comfortable silence hung between them, but Beth felt the need to speak, so she said, “Thank you.”

       She shook her head lightly, “Your hands can be used for more than killing. I just wanted to remind you.”

 

~

 

       “Good. Again,” Daryl said, his hand playing with the scruff on his chin as he watched Amber’s bow form. Her arms shook slightly as she drew the bowstring back, but she was steady for the second it took her to aim. The arrow whooshed through the air and thudded into the outer edge of the target.

       Amber sighed, “It’s still the same.”

       “Can’t aim exactly where ya wanna hit,” Daryl replied, “Try again, but aim off center. Towards bottom right of the target.”

       Amber nodded and notched another arrow. Beth watched Daryl circle around behind Amber to see how she lined up her shot. She was about to let it fly when babbling erupted behind Beth. She turned and saw Mark carrying baby Ava over towards them.

       Mark was smiling as he said, “Don’t stop on our account. We just wanted to come watch.”

       When Amber laid eyes on her daughter, her entire demeanor melted. All the frustration from training disappeared and she smiled. She brought the bow back up to her shoulder and Beth went over to Mark. The little girl resting in his arms had her hand wrapped around Mark’s index finger. The other was flapping around gleefully.

       Ava was precious. She had Amber’s blond hair and big eyes, but her nose and cheekbones were all Mark’s. She was the perfect combination between her parents and probably the quietest baby she’d ever seen.

       “You wanna hold her?” Mark asked gently.

       Beth nodded enthusiastically. Her arms fell into position instinctually as he gave Ava to her. Beth’s voice softened as she cooed, “Hi, Ava. Look at you. You’re perfect.” Beth bounced lightly on the balls of her feet, rocking her gently. Without hesitation, Mark left her with Ava to go talk to Daryl as Amber continued working on her aim. Every once in a while, he checked over his shoulder from them.

       Ava was staring up at her with large blue eyes when Beth started speaking, “Your mom is one’a the strongest people I know. So, I know you’re gonna be a fighter. An’ your dad… he’s so brave. You’ve got two’a the best parents, but the thing is we’re all gonna love you. You’re gonna have so many aunts and uncles who’re gonna teach you everythin’ you’ll ever wanna know.” Beth found herself rambling, but it was the truth. Children in Alexandria are raised and protected by the village. Just like Judith. Everything they did and have done was for them.

       Amber’s voice suddenly pulled Beth from her own thoughts, “I have a feeling you’re going to be her favorite aunt.”

       Beth scoffed jokingly, “Not if Sherry’s in the mix. Never seen a baby giggle so loud.”

       “Sherry’s her godmother, so it doesn’t count,” Amber reasoned, “Besides, I’ve never seen her calmer with anyone else but me and Mark.”

       Daryl and Mark were still talking over by the targets, but Beth caught Daryl’s eye over Mark’s shoulder. They drifted between her and Ava. They held a gleam she recognized even from across the training ground.

       Amber came to stand beside her, looking down at her daughter, “You’re a great aunt, but I think you’d be an even better mother.”

       Beth’s head snapped towards Amber. She had a knowing smile as she looked towards Daryl. Beth’s heart lodged in her throat, “Maybe one day.”

       “I hope so. With you and Daryl as parents, nothing will ever stop them,” Amber seemed to be reminiscing with a comfortable smile on her face, “Plus, I need to pay you back for all the babysitting you’ve done for Ava.”

       Beth caressed Ava’s cheek, imagining what her and Daryl’s baby would look like, “Hardly. I’ve had her what? A handful’a times, maybe. It takes a village, right?”

       “Yeah, it does,” Amber finally said with a glimmer in her eye. Beth recognized it for what it was, a promise. Her and Mark would be there for any child she may have in the future. They would protect them and love them just like her and Daryl did for Ava. It was a promise that no matter what the world threw at them, they’d treat them like one of their own.

 

~

 

       The Kingdom was quiet, which was unusual this time of year. As Beth slipped through the gates, mostly unnoticed except by the two guards on duty, there was almost no chatter. No singing. Not even training. She almost asked the guards what was happening, but decided against it. She came here for one reason and the somber tone of the Kingdom fit the bill.

       Beth walked to the makeshift cemetery alone. She had walked this same walk many times before now, but a well of emotion still found its way lodged in the back of her throat. The small gate still creaked when she opened it and strode through. She knew the path by heart all the way to the back, but she wasn’t alone. The two graves she knew so well were still there, more permanent headstones marking where her family were laid to rest, but there was a new, freshly dug grave next to them.

       Her heart sunk when she saw Benjamin kneeling next to it. The grave was a lot larger than Aidan, Tyreese, and Richard’s. Beth came to kneel in between Aidan and the new grave. Her eyes roved over the temporary piece of wood sticking up from the ground and everything clicked. It read, Shiva. Everything inside her squeezed all at once.

       “What happened?” She whispered over the heavy weight of loss.

       Benjamin turned towards her, clearly surprised she was there. He hastily wiped away the free-flowing tears coming down his cheeks, “She died doing exactly what she always wanted to do. Protecting the King.” She stayed quiet, not wanting to interrupt. He could talk if he wanted or stay silent. Beth understood the need for both, but Benjamin continued, “We were out trying to help a small group of about a dozen survivors. We took every precaution, but it wasn’t enough. They attacked while we were unprepared…Shiva took seven of them down with her before she couldn’t move anymore. We would’ve all died if she hadn’t been there.”

       Despite the anguish she felt, Beth smiled, because he was right. Shiva died protecting the people she loved. And wasn’t that the best way to leave this world?

       Saying sorry wouldn’t fix anything, so Beth found herself reminiscing, “She was magical. I remember the first time I ever saw her. I’d been awake for almost thirty-six hours an’ I thought I was imgainin’ her somehow. Thought I’d finally lost it, but then, she roared and settled down next to Ezekiel on his throne…and I knew even my mind couldn’t make somethin’ like that up. Remember bein’ in awe. She was otherworldly.”

        Benjamin smiled through the tears, “She was.”

       Beth gazed upon the freshly dug grave and felt the loss in the way her chest caved. Something so beautiful and majestic gone too soon, but somehow Beth knew the way she went out was how Shiva would’ve wanted to go. Saving her family. Saving the person who risked death to save her. Shiva finally got to return the favor.

        "Do ya mind if I stay here with you for a little bit?” Beth asked.

       Benjamin finally turned to her, “Of course not.”

 

~

 

      “You weren’t at the meeting today,” Deanna’s voice floated towards her on the spring breeze as Beth sat on the steps of her and Daryl’s new home they shared with Rick, Michonne, and the kids. She missed their old house, but there were people with larger families that needed it more.

       Beth’s shoulders sank, “I know.”

       Deanna came to sit down next to her, “We need you. I know it’s a lot to ask after everything you’ve done, but I’m asking it anyway. This place needs you. These people need you.”

       Her fingers dug into her thighs, trying to keep her grounded, “Years ago you gave me a role here. I’ve negotiated with the Kingdom, Hilltop, and Oceanside. Sanctuary too at one point. The Charter’s signed. There’s not much use for a diplomat when everythin’ is runnin’ smoothly.” Everything she said was an excuse, but it was all she had.

       Deanna looked out onto the street, “You are Alexandria’s diplomat, but you’re much more than that. You hold a perspective no one else has. You’re important to the Council.”

       Beth pressed her lips together when they started to shake, but her words came out anyway, “I’m tired.” It was the truth. It had been years since the Savior war. Less since Jocelyn, but she had never been less motivated. Beth was exhausted all the time and the thought of actually leading, or even helping, made it difficult to get up in the morning. The burden was slowly closing in on her.

       However, Deanna saw it all for what it was. “No one is going to make you sit on the Council, Beth. Least of all me. After what you’ve been through, you deserve a rest. But as I have come to realize, I am selfish… I would like to step down from the Council—”

       “What?” Beth gasped.

       “Yes. I am only getting older and there are people far more capable than I am. This place runs itself now. Rick and Michonne know what they’re doing, but…I would not feel okay leaving if I didn’t have someone to take my place. And I want that person to be you.”

       “Deanna, I’m—”

       “Don’t answer right now. Take a few days. A week if you need. But just know there is no one I trust more to take my place. And I dare say Aidan would agree,” Deanna said with a smile. Her chest squeezed at the mention of him. The older woman got up, squeezing Beth’s hand as she did, “Don’t be a stranger.”

       Deanna disappeared down the street, stopping to talk with anyone who waved. Once again, Deanna gave her purpose. Years ago, when they first got to Alexandria, Beth hadn’t known how to do anything but survive. And somehow, she found herself in a similar situation now. Both times Deanna pulled her up and gave her a job. Gave her a purpose.

       Hershel always said, “We all got jobs to do.” And that’s what she was going to do.

 

~

 

       The crowd dissipated after what seemed like five straight minutes of applause. Although, it was probably only about thirty seconds, but to Beth it felt like a lifetime. She awkwardly sat up on stage until Luke came up and helped her down. At the bottom of the steps, he halted.

       When he turned to her, his eyes were glassy and his mouth was still popped open in shock, “I was a music teacher for many years before all hell broke loose. And I can say without a shadow of a doubt, I’ve never seen anything like that.”

       Beth’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Thank you…but it wasn’t—”

       “Yes, it was. It was like…watching a Stradivarius on stage. Everything else disappeared. You said you haven’t sung in a long time…I never expected…With a voice like that, seems like a crime,” Luke smiled sadly, seemingly understanding far more than he let on.

       Beth saw Daryl, Maggie, and Rick making their way through the dispersing crowd towards her, but she focused back on Luke, gripping his arm, “I stopped singin’ ‘cause for a long time it didn’t feel right. I used to do it to help lift people’s spirits, distract ‘em, but then livin’ became just survivin’. When my daddy died, the music died too. Then, when we stopped just survivin’, it all felt outta place. Music didn’t belong inside me anymore. It was too bright an’ hopeful…”

       Luke looked devastated by her words, but he squeezed her hand in reassurance and comfort, “Let me be the first to say, thank you then. For sharing this with me. With all of us. You’ve lifted my spirits. For a little while, I forgot anything outside those walls existed.”

       Tears burned her eyes, “I should be the one thankin’ you. You pushed me to be here.”

       “I’m glad I did,” he replied with a watery smile.

       Beth nodded, “Me too.”

 

~

 

       The memories floated on a loop through her mind. She was numb. Their faces populated the back of her eyelids. All ten of them.

       Ten.

       It was a simple number if she thought about it. Ten minutes. Ten lilies in a bouquet. Ten fingers and toes. Ten pennies to make a dime. Ten millimeters in a centimeter.

       Ten. It was a simple number, but then again was anything ever simple. Ten people was complicated. Ten completely different set of morals. Ten different backgrounds. Ten different ways of thinking and reasoning. Ten completely different lives. It was complicated, yet beautiful. How could it not be? Where there was life there was beauty and love.

       But where there was life, there was also chaos and depravity. Ten people could be beautiful, but they could also be grotesque. Ten walkers, the hollow creatures coming for them all. Ten raiders. Ten murders. Ten people wearing faces of the dead.

       Ten never seemed like much anymore, but within a second that all changed. Ten people became ten of the people she loved. They had faces and names and families and histories. And suddenly, ten became too much. Too unbearable. It became ten tons of grief crashing down on her head.

       Because ten people she knew and loved were dead. Dwight, Abraham, Sasha, Denise, Deanna, Amber, Mark, Ava, Benjamin, Luke. Ten people reduced to heads mounted on spikes. She saw it for what it was: a punishment. Ten became thousands of memories pounding into her skull until she couldn’t breathe. Each of their face still filling her vision. Ten people to join the ghosts she sang to on stage. Ten seconds for her heart to solidify into burning ice.

       Ten seconds for her to come to terms with the person she would have to be for what came next. Ten seconds for her to accept Negan was right. Ten seconds for her to condemn them all in a single breathe.

       Beth took ten seconds to burrow her way down deep to a place she hadn’t been in a long time, but this time no guilt gnawed at her heels. This time it was out of pure survival, but not for herself. For the life she carried and the chosen family she’d made. She was free as the darkness welcomed her back home.

Notes:

I think this chapter speaks for itself, but I wanted to add some additional context about when each character's little vignette takes place within the overall story. All the scenes take place in chronological order.

Sasha - Between chapters 48-49
Dwight - Sometime after chapter 50
Abraham - Sometime after chapter 50
Denise - Sometime after chapter 50
Amber, Mark, Ava - Before chapter 51
Benjamin - Before chapter 51
Deanna - Between chapter 52-53
Luke - Between chapters 60-61

All of these scenes are very integral to Beth's character and her relationship with each of them. I wanted to highlight each character's strengths as a send off for them. I didn't want their characters to get lost in a long line of dead characters. They matter in this story just as much as everyone else, even though I didn't get to include them as much as I would have wanted to.

Anyways, I am going to keep this section short, but thank you all for reading and sticking with this story! All the love <3

Chapter 64: Only the Beginning

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I have a long chapter for you today that I absolutely adore. I'm so excited to hear what you guys think!

All the love and happy reading <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       Snow blanketed Alexandria. It glistened and shone even on the overcast winter days. The storm had hit hard a couple weeks after the Kingdom fell. Thankfully, everyone who survived Alpha’s horde made it back to one of the other communities before it hit. Rosita had been right. Maggie, Hershel, Enid, and Alden all showed up at Alexandria a day after Beth and the others. The King, Henry, Jerry, Nabila, and the kids not long after.

       Everyone mourned together by putting to rest what was left of their family’s bodies. Connie, Kelly, Yumiko, and Magna’s sobs haunted Alexandria for a week. Sherry and Finch visited Dwight every day. Every once in a while, Beth would go with them. Finch was still young and didn’t truly understand what was happening, but he knew his mom was sad and that made him sad.

       Ezekiel, Henry, and Morgan secluded themselves as they mourned Benjamin. Morgan was angry, more so than Beth had ever seen him. He stewed in silence like a ticking time bomb. And Ezekiel mourned like a father. He drew closer to Carol and Henry, seeking comfort from the family he still had.

       Sasha and Abraham were buried next to each other as were Amber, Mark, and Ava. Rosita sullenly knelt beside Abraham and Sasha’s resting place. The three of them had been through a lot, more than any of them knew. Beth rarely saw Rosita cry, but her tears watered their graves.

       Siddiq joined Rosita sometimes, but he gravitated towards Amber, Mark, and Ava. Before the Whisperers, Siddiq was training Amber. Her and Ava spent most days in the infirmary with him or out collecting medicinal plants with Mark. Beth noticed Rosita and Siddiq coming together for comfort.

       Denise was buried at Hilltop next to Tara. Beth went to visit her right after the storm passed with Mary and Adam. She was surprised at first when Mary wanted to come, but it made sense after they got there. Mary was there to make a promise. Her words whispered on the winter breeze carried to Beth’s ears. I promise I’ll take care of him. Denise loved Adam the minute he was placed in her arms and now his care had been passed down to his aunt. His blood. Mary held Adam against her chest. They were both so still in the somber quiet of Hilltop’s graveyard.

       Deanna rested next to Reg and Spencer. It was a stab in the heart knowing Aidan wasn’t with his family. Beth visited them all often, but every morning, Rick was at Deanna’s grave. He visited them all every day. At first, she thought it was some sort of punishment for letting them all down. Rick always put the responsibility of everyone’s lives on his shoulders, so when they lost anyone, it became his fault.

       Slowly, Beth realized he wasn’t torturing himself at all. It was exactly as Nabila said: Some people visit to remind them of the world outside. To ground them. They had it good for so long. It became easy to forget the world was still against them. Guilt may play a role in Rick’s new ritual, but it wasn’t eating him alive how it used to. When Beth came to stand next to him, hand slipping into his, she didn’t feel the tightening tension of despair. Instead, there was grief, understanding, and acceptance.

       The community mourned the lose of the Kingdom, one of the pillars of the Charter they all adhered to. Although the Kingdom only had, maybe, a few good years left, it was still a devasting loss. Alexandria and Hilltop were straining under the weight of the sudden influx in people as they took on the citizens of the Kingdom. However, with more people, came more resources. As much as Beth hated equating people to resources since it reminded her of a certain someone still locked in the cellar of Hilltop, Negan was right. People were a resource. With people came knowledge and manpower. So, even though they had more mouths to feed, it was worth it.

       The winter had been hard and it wasn’t over, but the most concerning issue wasn’t food. It was the mounting tension. The anger at the Whisperers and Alpha. It brewed and stewed. At first silently, but every now and then, it erupted in the form of fights. Daryl and Beth were determined to keep it all away from Lydia. Mary too. Most of Alexandria didn’t know who Lydia truly was, at least not yet, but Beth knew it was only a matter of time. The thing was, Beth may be pregnant, but it only made her fiercer. More protective of the people she loved. And that included Lydia. If Beth so much as saw a mean look thrown her way, she wasn’t sure she had the decency to play nice anymore.

       Nothing made her ire stronger than when kids were involved, which she guessed was only amplified by the life growing inside her.

       And Beth was starting to show. Her stomach looked more distended than anything, but it was still a constant reminder of the baby she was carrying. Before, there were moments when she completely forgot, but not anymore. Every morning, she woke up next to Daryl and his hand would be resting on her stomach. If she shifted even a little bit, his grip would tighten, pulling her closer.

       Beth noticed a fundamental change in Daryl these last couple of months. He was still her Daryl. Still violently himself, but she felt the shift after she told him she was pregnant. He was gentler with her in certain ways. His physical affection was more apparent even in front of others. As Carl had once put it, they were worse than Michonne and Rick. But he was also fiercer in other ways, just like she was.

       His need to protect and care seemed heightened. He always took his responsibility for others seriously, but now, it was like his hold had tightened. He was sharper, clearer almost. His shift in demeanor was the same one that happened when he went out to hunt. Daryl was stricter with Mika and Lydia, but they gravitated towards him more and more, even though he was tougher. They both felt his love like a warm, protective blanket.

       All the tension he carried during the day was relieved at night, which she wouldn’t lie and say wasn’t to her benefit. He would be worked up from a day of training Lydia and Mika, going on runs, working with Rick and Michonne on security, or helping her when her exhaustion got the better of her. All her energy returned when her craving for Daryl became unavoidable.

       And it wasn’t just her. It was him too. Sometimes she’d want to ride him until she couldn't anymore, which was getting harder for her each passing month. Somehow, he would hold out for her until she had her fill. Then, he'd take her how he wanted afterwards, releasing all the tension he built up during the day.

       When he settled inside her, the relief she felt was indescribable. Beth spent all day trying not to lose her mind. It was like there was an itch underneath her skin. All over her body. And Daryl was the only one who could give her relief. Maddening was an understatement, but she wouldn't lie and say she didn't love it.

       The only other time her and Daryl had ever been together this much was after Sanctuary. But this time was different. There was no pain or shame wrapped around her mind. There was still grief for her family, but it no longer bled in between her and Daryl. At first it took some reassurance on her part, but eventually Daryl answered her insatiable hunger with his own. And Beth couldn't remember ever sleeping better. 

       He'd been gentle at first, afraid he'd hurt her or the baby, but it wasn't enough. She needed more. Daryl asked her not to hold anything back from him, so she didn't. Beth told him how she needed him and he listened, trusting her wholly. Rick and Michonne were probably so sick of them by now, but they never said anything even when on more than a few occasions Daryl had to clasp his hand over her mouth to help keep her quiet.

       But it didn't stop her from pleading, begging, moaning how good he was and how much she loved him. Her pleasure was either muffled by his hand or his lips or the mattress, but when no one was home, she didn't have to hold back. Whenever he had her, he made her scream his name without fail.

       At this point, Beth knew people were starting to suspect she was pregnant, or at least Rick and Michonne. Siddiq and Maggie were still the only ones who knew. She was adamant about waiting to tell anyone else. A part of her was afraid if she spoke it into the world, the world would find a way to take it from her. She wanted to remain in this little bubble with Daryl for a little longer, but it was getting harder and harder to hide.

       It was winter so she was constantly bundled up, but at Siddiq’s advice, she avoided doing anything too strenuous if she could. She pulled back from going on runs too far from Alexandria. Beth still helped hunt and gather medicinal plants. Still trained and helped the Council, but people were starting to notice her change in routine.

       For now, everything was calm. Lydia reassured everyone the Whisperers would have migrated south for the winter. They were safe until the temperature started to warm. She was grateful for the time they had, but a ticking clock hung over all their heads. Beth would be at her most vulnerable in late Spring. She knew it was out of her control and she should just enjoy the time she had with her family, especially after everything Alpha did.

       There were moments when she curled up in bed at the end of the day and cried for them all. She heaved and her heart bled, but Beth didn’t hold it in anymore. She let herself feel it. Each time she was reminded about Dwight’s empathy, or Sasha’s resilience, or Abraham’s fierceness, or Amber’s kindness, it didn’t hurt as much. Deanna’s wisdom, or Luke’s optimism, or Denise’s thoughtfulness, or Benjamin’s bravery. Each time a memory crossed her mind, it ached, but it no longer took her ability to breath because she let it all in.

       Nights when Daryl couldn’t sleep were the toughest. He’d pace like a guard dog at the foot of their bed or sit with his back against the door like he was keeping watch. When it happened, she tried to coax him back to bed, but it rarely worked. He just stayed up, head snapping to any noise or moving shadow.

       So, sometimes when he was less on edge but still awake, she’d carefully migrate towards him until she was caged between his bent-up legs. Her back would rest against his chest. His arms would wrap around her chest and stomach, protecting the most vulnerable areas on her body. Daryl’s breathing would even out and sometimes he’d even rest his eyes, but on nights where he paced, there was nothing she could do.

       Although, it never stopped her from trying.

       She could see the waking nightmares playing on a loop in his haunted eyes. The nights they were together she could sometimes tire him out enough so he’d sleep at least a few hours. He told her he saw them every time he closed his eyes. What he saw…one glimpse was enough to break anyone for life. And she wasn’t just worried about Daryl. Beth was worried sick for Glenn.

       The last time she visited Hilltop, he wasn’t all right. He was a ghost. When he wasn’t avoiding everyone, he lashed out more than Beth had ever seen. He kept saying he was fine, but Beth knew better. She couldn’t even begin to understand the things he was forced to witness, but she knew the pattern he’d fallen into. Beth knew because she’d been there.

       She vowed to visit Hilltop more often at least until she physically couldn’t anymore. It was her job to give back to the people who dragged her tooth and nail through hell when she needed them. She was hurting, but she wasn’t broken. Not this time. No, this time it was her job to hold it together for everyone else so they could mourn and grief properly. Just like they did for her when it mattered most.

 

~

 

       Beth rolled her neck side to side, a hum reverberating in the back of her throat. A healthy patch of rose hips lay before her even with a thick blanket of snow covering the ground. They’d be helpful for the winter sickness traveling through Alexandria. Siddiq told her it was nothing to worry about mostly mild colds and flus from the weather.

       Her gloves lay forgotten in the bag slung over her shoulder as she picked through the patch. The blueish purple tint to her finger nails was mildly concerning, but she kept digging through the snow-covered bush, adamant about collecting every last one.

       “You wanna freeze ta death, girl?”

       Daryl’s voice wrapped around her mind, his boots crunching quietly in the snow as he walked towards her. He had a pretty sizeable deer slung over his shoulders and a few squirrels tied off to a rope slung around his chest. Beth grinned proudly at him despite his scolding.

       She held up the last bunch of rose hips to show him before putting them into her bag and pulling out her gloves. The moth eaten, wool lined gloves barely did anything but protect her hands from the winter breeze. Daryl acknowledged her find with a nod, but she could see the glimmer of pride in his eyes when he looked at her.

       Beth wiggled her fingers at him, “I can still mostly feel ‘em, so I take that as a sign I’m not gonna freeze to death any time soon.”

       He shook his head at her as she stood up from the ground, “Should head back anyway. ‘Fore Rick and ‘Chonne start thinkin’ imma bad husband for keepin’ ya out here this long.”

       She followed behind Daryl, watching the wool poncho she sewed for him sway around him. The tip of his crossbow bumped against the deer wrapped around his shoulders. Beth was so mesmerized by the way he moved so elegantly through the thick snow, she almost missed what he was implying.

       Years ago, she would’ve been worried there was fear behind the jab, but now, she knew Daryl was secure in being her husband. He knew there was no one she’d ever want to be with besides him. He was so far from bad it was actually a joke to even say it.

       So, she grinned, her lips cracking, “You think they know?”

       He huffed, “Ain’t no way they don’t suspect.”

       They rounded around a thicket of evergreen trees, “We live in the same house. Kinda hard to hide. An’ ya know Rick… He can read anyone like’a open book. Same with Michonne.”

       “Mhm. Ain’t like you’re real quiet neither…”

       Heat rose to her cheeks, “Don’t act like ya don’t like it.”

       “Damn right,” Daryl nearly growled. And there it went. Despite the cold temperature, her body heated up. Her face flushed a blistering pink. When he looked at her, he groaned, “Beth…ain’t takin’ ya ‘gainst a tree out here in the cold.”

       Beth tried to hide the smile threatening to bloom on her face because of how well Daryl knew her mind, “Didn’t say’a word.”

       “Don’t gotta,” he grunted.

       She shook her head, trying to get back on track before she decided to risk getting bit so she could have Daryl now, “An’ our increased…activities don’t mean anythin’. We could just be, ya know… makin’ up for lost time.”

       “That what ya call it?” He threw over his shoulder, but she picked up the pace so she was striding next to him instead of behind him.

       She grinned at the glimmer of laughter in his eyes, “No, but they don’t know that.”

       Daryl hummed as he readjusted the deer, but she could see he wasn’t convinced. Honestly, she wasn’t either. Beth sighed, “They know, don’t they?”

       “Yeah,” Daryl paused, his head shifting towards the right. A distant walker grumble rolled through the woods, but it was too far away to be worried about. Plus, her and Daryl found out walkers were a lot slower in colder weather. Daryl turned back to her coming to the same conclusion, “Rick wouldn’t be secretly takin’ ya off overnight runs ‘fore ya even hear ‘bout ‘em if he didn’t. An’ Michonne wouldn’t be tellin’ everyone ta lay off makin’ ya watch everyone’s kids.”

       Beth gapped up at him, “What? You’re kiddin’? I just thought everyone was wantin’ ta keep their kids close after what happened.” Beth replayed moments in her mind until she gasped, “Is that why Rick got all defensive when Carl was jokin’ ‘bout me movin’ slower?”

       “Good thing he beat me to it ‘cause I wouldn’t’ve been as forgivin’,” Daryl replied with feigned irritation. As much as he liked to rib Carl every once in a while, Beth knew Daryl would die for him.

       “I was movin’ slower. So, he wasn’t wrong.”

       “Don’t make it right,” Daryl countered.

       Another growl echoed through the woods to her left. Her head whipped towards the sound and there was a walker about five feet from them. Beth’s hand fell to her belt automatically drawing her knife. The walker was barely moving. It flailed at them sluggishly, but it was almost like its feet were frozen to the ground. It’s how she knew it wasn’t a Whisperer.

       She took a step forward, but Daryl’s hand curled around her elbow, “Don’t. I got it.”

       The edges of his eyes clouded with concern. Her heart melted at his protectiveness, but she couldn’t let herself get rusty, especially now, “Trust me.” She whispered it to him with a warm smile, hoping he understood he couldn’t keep her from danger no matter how hard he tried. He taught her how to survive for that exact reason. Daryl’s hand slid from her elbow and he nodded, biting the inside of his cheek.

       Unlike what Daryl probably assumed, Beth didn’t close the distance with the walker. Instead, she grabbed her knife by the blade and threw it. It whirled through the air before imbedding itself with a crunch through the walker’s eye. It awkwardly slumped to the ground, but it was clear some parts of it were frozen. The noise alone told her she was right to aim for the eye and not the middle of the head. If the walker was close to frozen, she wasn’t sure her knife would’ve gone deep enough to kill it.

       Beth bent down and removed her knife, wiping it off on the rags covering the walker. When she rejoined Daryl, he was staring at her unabashedly. His eyes seemed to have dimmed to a darker shade of blue. They roved over her body until they landed on her stomach hidden beneath layers of warmer clothes.

       The itch underneath her skin came back, lighting her aflame, “Killin’ walkers do somethin’ for ya, Mr. Dixon?” She purposefully said his name, drawing his attention back up to her face. Ravenous. That’s how he looked. It matched exactly how she felt every time he did anything. So, she had no qualms about playing dirty.

       His eyes flashed dangerously at the use of his last name. Their last name. He opened his mouth to say something, but seemed to change his mind at the last second, “Come on. We’re leavin’.” His voice had dropped, coming out rough. Too much so to not be able to use the weather as an excuse.

       She tilted her head, knowing full well she was playing with fire, “You in’a rush or somethin’?”

       “Am now,” was all he said before he started stalking away. Beth giggled at his response as she followed along, catching sight of Alexandria’s walls through the barren trees.

       It didn’t take long to make it back. Magna was manning the gate with Aaron. Her bow turned towards them as they came around the corner, but she lowered it the minute she saw them. Aaron nodded at the deer slung around Daryl’s shoulders, “See you had some luck. Surprised there’s still anything to find so close to our walls.”

       “Tracked it for a few hours. Don’t seem like it was with’a group or nothin’. Most likely got separated,” Daryl replied as the gates of Alexandria groaned open in front of them.

        Beth lifted the bag bouncing against her hip, “Found some rose hips. I can make a tea outta them for Gracie. Might make the cold go over quicker.”

       Aaron nodded with a smile, “Thanks, Beth. At this point, I think she’s more upset at missing all the snowball fights with Judith.”

       “Tell her we won’t have anymore ‘til she’s better. Aren’t the same anyways,” Beth said before her and Daryl walked further into Alexandria. Beth made sure to wave at Magna in greeting, sensing she wasn’t in the mood to talk.

       Her and Daryl were about to split off to drop off the things they hunted and scavenged when Beth heard a very familiar voice erupt between the meeting hall and the windmill.

       “Hey!” Rick’s voice roared.

       Daryl started moving the same time she did. He dumped the deer and squirrels on a random porch, while she did the same with her bag. And they ran towards Rick’s voice. The meeting hall was blocking Beth’s view of what was happening, but they rounded the corner and Daryl instinctively held out his arm to keep her within reach.

       Rick was standing over a kid, older teenager more like, sprawled out in the snow. He had a defiant look in his eye even as Rick and Carl seethed over him. That’s when Beth saw Lydia crouching against the back of the meeting hall with her hands covering her head. In the distance, Beth saw Mika and Henry running towards them.

       Lydia raised her head and Beth’s blood ran cold. There was blood falling from her nose, a bruise already forming on the bridge. It took her all of two seconds to put together what happened and Daryl less so. He stalked towards the kid still sprawled on the ground, yanking him up by his jacket. Daryl dragged him around the other side of the meeting hall. Rick followed closely behind. Beth heard the thud of the boy hitting the wall haphazardly.

       Beth crouched down next to Lydia. She looked dazed, but not surprised. It broke Beth’s heart. “What happened?”

       She shook her head, a far away look in her eyes, “He was talking about me infiltrating his home. That I was gonna bring my mother back to destroy this place too… There’s no place for Whisperers here.”

       Mika and Henry finally made it over to them. Lydia seemed to shrink away. Both of them exclaimed, out of breath, “What happened?”

       Beth kept her attention on Lydia, but asked, “Would you both mind goin’ to get Siddiq?” Henry hesitated, but Mika grabbed onto his arm until they disappeared to go find Siddiq.

       Her voice was unyielding as she finally replied to Lydia, “That’s not true. You’re one of us. You fought to be here.”

       Suddenly, Lydia’s eyes cleared. Her had wiped across her nose, but only succeeded in spreading the blood. She scrambled up, using the wall to help her even as Beth reached out a hand. The fear in her eyes turned to ire and Beth braced for impact, knowing Lydia needed to get it out.

       "I don't need your help," Lydia exclaimed, "I can take care of myself."

       Instead of meeting her with firmness, she softened her voice. Beth kept her distance not wanting to make her feel cornered. "You might not need it an' ya might not want it, but you're gonna get it anyway. You're stuck with us," Beth said calmly, "We know you can take care'a yourself, but no one should have to all the time."

       Bewilderment clouded her eyes. Lydia was biting her chapped lips, her hair dangling in her face and shoulder hunched forward. Like she was trying to make herself as small as possible, so she didn’t draw too much attention. Her mother’s attention. She was so used to being lashed out at and that’s what she was expecting now.

       “You don’t owe me anything,” she replied quietly, almost defensively.

       Her words hit her like a stab to the gut, “There’s no debt to be paid, Lydia. Daryl and I didn’t spend weeks lookin’ for ya ‘cause we wanted somethin’ in return. We just wanted you to be safe. Our love, this place…it doesn’t come with an expiration date. It’s yours as long as ya want it. An’ even then, we’re still always gonna be here. Like I said, you’re stuck with us now.”

       Tears welled up in Lydia’s eyes, but she brushed them away hastily, looking towards the windmill, “And what if I don’t belong here? Or anywhere…”

       Every part of Beth wanted to shake her and tell her she belonged here with them. She knew there was no other place she was meant to be the minute Beth held her hand that very first time at Hilltop. She knew, but she had to be patient. Just like she was patient when Daryl refused to accept her love because he thought he didn’t deserve it.

       Instead of reminding Lydia she did belong, Beth thought of something better, "Make a deal with me. You're free to do whatever ya like. Live where ya want, but promise me you’ll come eat with us a couple times a week. Breakfast or dinner. It doesn’t matter.”

       Lydia looked around sheepishly before asking, "You want me to come eat with you and Daryl?”

       “Yes,” Beth confirmed, “And Rick. And Michonne. Judith. RJ. Carl and Mika sometimes. You get the picture. Just’a couple times a week…Deal?”

       She held her breath watching her consider, but eventually Lydia nodded, “Okay.”

       Beth nodded with a smile and parroted, “Okay.”

       Just in time, Mika, Henry, and Siddiq appeared around the corner. Siddiq had his medical bag in hand. He smiled warmly at Lydia and politely asked if he could touch her nose. She winced when he gently tapped on the bridge. Henry’s hand instinctually reached out towards her, but instead of moving away like Beth thought she would, Lydia grabbed his hand.

       “I’m going to have to set it back into place, but I don’t want to do it out here. Do you mind coming back to the infirmary with me?” Siddiq asked cautiously.

       Lydia nodded. With Henry’s hand still in hers, they started walking towards the infirmary. Beth called out, “I’ll be there in a bit. Got some things to grab first.”

       Mika threw a smile over her shoulder, “Glad you’re back safe.”

       Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Wasn’t gone that long.”

       All she saw before Mika disappeared to follow the rest of them was a knowing glimmer Beth was sure she somehow inherited from Carol. However, the little bit of warmth lighting up her heart was snuffed out when she remembered what happened to Lydia. Rage mixed with unbridled fear to protect Lydia at all costs erupted inside her. And she stalked towards the front of the meeting hall where she assumed Daryl had dragged the boy.

       Her suspicions were confirmed when the door to the hall was cracked open. A loud crack sounded through the room as she threw the door open harder than necessary. Daryl stopped pacing in front of the kid, clearly about ready to yell at him some more, when he turned to see her striding towards him. He stepped out of the way to let her through. His ire recognized her own.

       Rick pulled Carl out of her way. At any other time, she would’ve laughed at the three of them falling back, but right now all she could see was this kid’s smug face after what he did to Lydia. Beth’s hand reared back before she could stop it. Her palm connected with his cheek and a resounding slap pierced the otherwise quiet room.

       He was pretending to be irritated, but she could see the fear in his eyes. He hit Lydia. Broke her nose. He was old enough to know better and Beth wouldn’t have it.

       “If you lay another hand on her or so much as look at her, a slap is gonna be the least’a your problems. You’re not the only one hurtin’, but you’re the only one takin’ it out on someone who doesn’t deserve it. Don’t ever come near her again,” Beth seethed.

       Something sparked in his eyes and she saw the moment he decided to dig his own grave, “You’re Beth Dixon, aren’t you? They used to tell stories about you at the Kingdom. You’re the one who slit Negan’s throat. Locked him up to rot in the dark. What happened to her? The Whisperers did way more to us than the Saviors ever did, but we’re taking them in like its no big deal. Like they didn’t destroy my home and kill your people.”

       Daryl surged forward, completely unhinged. And the guy finally had the right sense to scurry back, but Beth stopped her husband right as he came up beside her, “What’s your name?”

       “Liam,” he answered, hesitantly.

       Beth cocked her head, assessing him with cold regard. He had a mop of brown hair, wispy facial hair, and a relatively lean build. He was tall. A lot bigger than Lydia and at least as old as Mika, maybe even Carl. It’s why she didn’t hold back. He used his strength to hurt a girl younger and smaller than him because it made him feel better. He may be hurting, they all were, but that didn’t excuse what he did. Liam was old enough to know better, so she didn’t hold back.

       “Who are you here with, Liam?” Beth asked, her voice cold.

       Liam looked around at Carl, Daryl, and Rick like he’d find someone to help him out of this, “My parents, uncle, and brother.” So, his family had survived the downfall of the Kingdom.

       She nodded, “You’re wonderin’ where that girl went… Imagine watchin’ your mama die and turn right in front’a you, grabbin’ at ya to try an’ rip you apart. Imagine seein’ your daddy kneelin’ at the foot of your enemy. Gettin’ his head cut off right in front’a ya. Imagine hearin’ your uncle’s head gettin’ bashed in with a bat while you were inches away an’ all you could hear was screamin’ from the little girl who called him dad. Imagine your brother right in front of you get his throat ripped out by a walker. An’ ya can’t look away because you don’t want him to die alone. So, you watch as he bleeds out, silently screamin’. You watch as the light leaves his eyes. Imagine that ain’t even the half of it.”

        Liam’s face was pale and he looked about ready to be sick, but she wasn’t finished, “I’m still here not cause’a my anger. Not cause’a revenge. Not ‘cause I decided to beat up on someone more affected by all’a this than you’ll ever be. No. I made a choice to not give in. You don’t know anythin’. And I pray ya won’t ever have to find out what it costs to give into that dark place before ya learn to control it. So, the next time ya wanna question where my fight went. Our fight. Remember you still got people. Still got family. Be grateful you never had to do the things we did. You know nothin’.”

         Beth was calm, her voice never raised. It was even and steady even as she spilled the details of how some of her family was taken from her. She told him because he needed to understand, not because she wanted to hurt him. He needed to understand the cost. He still had his family. They were alive, but he still wanted to play big bad wolf like this was some sort of game. He needed to learn there were consequences. They may have won the war with the Saviors, but the cost had been steep.

       However, the cost and the consequences never made it into the stories passed down.

       Beth left a bumbling Liam to gap at her as she turned and walked out of the meeting hall. She hadn’t realized but her hand had migrated to resting on her stomach like she was trying to shield the life inside her from the horrors of the things she recounted.

       The crisp air filled her lungs, cleansing her from the inside out. The door opened behind her and she didn’t have to look to know it was Daryl. He circled around to stand in front of her. Concern ebbed and flowed in his sharp blue eyes. Her fingers reached up to caress his cheek to show him she was all right. It hadn’t hurt as much as she thought it would.

       His hand drifted to her own, his forehead dropping to hers, “Don’t think that kid’s ever gonna sleep again.”

       Beth didn’t have it in her to grin, “He needed to know.”

       “M’sorry.”

       She brushed her cold chapped lips against his warm ones before pulling back to say, “I’m not. As much as he didn’t deserve to know any’a that, if it scares him away from goin’ down the same path, it was worth it. An’ if it scares him away from Lydia, then it definitely was.”

       “Think I’m rubbin’ off on ya,” Daryl said, rerouting back to something lighter.

       Beth grinned at that, “Think this baby’s got your…protectiveness.”

       “Nah, that’s all you. Always been like that,” Daryl replied, tilting his head, “’Specially with hurt people. An’ kids. That fire’s always been there.”

       There was nothing else to say. Daryl hit the nail on the head and she couldn’t argue. Her daddy used to say the same thing about her. She used to gravitate towards the injured animals, the runts of the litter, the animals without homes. They deserved to have a home, love, comfort. Maybe even more so after everything. And it was true with people too.

       “I love you,” she whispered to him, making sure he heard her. Beth tried to tell him often so he was certain her love for him never went away. At this point, Daryl knew deep in his soul her love for him was unconditional. The exact opposite of his father’s and other people in his previous life, but she still liked to remind him.

       Daryl’s eyes softened and he replied, “I love you.” Every time he said it, the words came easier and easier. They no longer looked foreign coming out of his mouth. It was still one of the best things she’s ever heard.

 

~

 

       Lydia stood outside on the stoop frozen in place. She would like to blame it on the temperature plummeting after the sun set, but it had nothing to do with it. There was laughter coming from inside Beth and Daryl’s house. Or townhouse. Or whatever this building was. Some were high pitched, probably Judith or RJ, and some were deeper. Her gut told her to knock, but she couldn’t move.

       Her nose ached. It wasn’t the first time she had it reset, but Siddiq had been a lot gentler than the last person who did it. And there were people there with her this time. Henry held her hand through it all and Mika was trying to distract her by telling her about the time she nearly shot Daryl with a crossbow bolt. She never had anyone to hold her hand, physically and emotionally, through anything before except her dad, but he’d become a distant memory. Sometimes it kept her up at night because his face had started to fade.

       Then, the rage came. Alpha took him from her. She took away the only person who could protect her. And she warped him into a monster until her own mind forced her to forget his face. He loved her and died for it. And now, these people who took her in would suffer the same fate. How could they not? No one had ever been able to stand up to Alpha and her horde. No one that survived at least.

       A softer, kinder voice filled her head: We just wanted you to be safe. Our love, this place…it doesn’t come with an expiration date.

       Lydia heard Beth’s words, but it hadn’t been what she said, but how she said it. There was an infinite amount of love and determination in her eyes. For a moment, she remembered her dad’s eyes looking at her the same way. And despite her mother’s voice ringing in her head, Lydia believed every word Beth had said. It’s why she was standing on their stoop. She had to keep her promise. Lydia knew she could have held off until tomorrow or another day, but a tether pulled her towards them. Her mind may have not been ready, but something else inside her was.

       Her gloveless hands shook, but they finally started to move. They were so numb she didn’t feel it as she knocked on the door.

        The noise died down and footsteps echoed through the hallway, before the front door opened. A wave of warmer air engulfed her. Rick stood in the threshold. Of all the people she hoped answered the door, he was the last. Lydia had a hard time reading him and she still wasn’t sure how he truly felt about her being here.

       Thankfully, he didn’t look surprised, but she realized she hadn’t said anything yet, “Beth…she asked—”

       “Come in. We just started,” Rick opened the door wider to let her in, smiling at her softly. It was the first time she’d seen him without tension marring his features. He looked relaxed. Lydia stepped inside, instinctually hugging the wall. His easy-going smile turned somber as he closed the door behind him, “How’s your nose?”

       She nodded, keeping her hands clasped in front of her to show him she had nothing to hide, “It’s good. I’ve had worse.” Something twitched at the corner of Rick’s eye and she wondered if it had been the wrong thing to say.

       His voice lowered to just above a whisper, “He won’t be botherin’ you anymore.”

       Lydia blinked, dread filling her gut, “Is he dead?” She didn’t like him and she preferred not to see him again, but she hadn’t wanted him dead.

       Rick cocked his head to the side assessing her, not uncomfortably, “No. He’s gonna be workin’ over at Hilltop for’a couple weeks startin’ tomorrow. He’ll be back. If he tries anythin’ again, come to one of us.” Lydia let out a breath of relief and then she realized she’d been expecting them to be like her mother. These people weren’t her mother.

       She felt the need to add, “Glad he’s okay.”

       Rick’s grin came back, “Think Beth and Daryl scared the hell outta him.” The way his eyes sparkled talking about his friends made Lydia think he wasn’t so bad after all, “Kid needed it. None’a what he did was alright.”

       She gnawed on her bottom lip as a habit, but let it go when she replied, “Thank you.” Her words fell short like they always did.

       He nodded down the hallway towards the noise, “Come on.”

       She followed Rick with little hesitation now she’d gotten to talk with him more. Something about him was familiar, but when she tried to grasp at it, she was only met with a foggy memory. The voices became louder as Rick took a left turn and they entered a room with a medium sized wooden table. It was dully lit up with more than a handful of candles. It was warmer in here because of all the body heat circulating.

       Daryl and Beth sat on one side of the table, while Michonne, Carl, and she assumed Rick sat on the other. Judith and RJ were sharing a seat at the head of the table. The former laughing at the face RJ was making when she held up a piece of food to his mouth.

       There was an open chair next to Beth like she somehow knew Lydia would be coming tonight. Beth’s voice broke over the comfortable chit chat, “Hi, Lydia. Come sit an’ grab some food.” Beth pulled out the chair next to her and across from Carl, who nodded at her politely. Michonne gave her a sweet smile and Daryl nodded at her. Judith waved enthusiastically and helped RJ do the same.

       Lydia carefully sat down in her chair as Rick set down an empty bowl in front of her before sitting back down himself. It was an overwhelming sight. One she’d never seen before, at least not truly. Conversation picked back up, but Lydia just listened and watched. Rick, Michonne, and Carl took turns holding RJ and trying to get him to eat, but he would inevitably get up and totter around the table a few times before clambering into the next person’s lap. He was quiet, but all Lydia could think about were the lashings she would’ve gotten if her mother caught her doing the same. These people aren’t like your mother.

       Her body started to tense, waiting for someone to start yelling, but it never came. RJ giggled, ate, and kept making circles around the table. Eventually, her heartrate returned to normal. They aren’t her mother. They aren’t Alpha. Lydia kept reminding herself.

       Lydia grabbed a piece of bread and ladled two helpings of what she guessed was deer stew into her bowl. She couldn’t even remember if she said thank you or not. She hoped he didn’t hold it against her.

       She dove into her food, hunching over it as an instinct. Her stomach grumbled as the food hit her stomach. The stew tasted better than anything she could remember. She’d been in Alexandria for a few months and their food was far better than anything she had with the Whisperers, but somehow this meal tasted even better. And she wondered if it was because she wasn’t eating it alone. Each spoonful was gone too soon. When she was almost done with her bowl she switched to the bread, tearing off pieces of it with her teeth.

       A hand appeared in her peripherals, reaching for her bowl. Lydia’s fingers clasped around the edges as her head whipped up towards the person hovering over her.

       Daryl looked down at her. She hadn’t even heard him get up and move towards her. He dipped his chin and tilted his head towards the pot of stew in the middle of the table. She carefully unclasped the bowl. Daryl refilled it until it was almost overflowing. The stew sloshed over the edges, creating a small pool on the table. He ripped off another piece of bread, placing it in front of her too.

       Her mouth was too busy watering she forgot her words, “It’s too much…I’m fine. Food is—” She cut herself off from spewing something her mother used to say.

       He grunted out before returning to his chair, “It ain’t. Eat.” The gesture alone was enough to bring tears to her eyes. Her throat tightened and her heart warmed even as her mother’s voice sliced through her: You’re weak, Lydia.

       Daryl sat back down on the other side of Beth, who also seemed to go through her food like she’d never seen it before. Daryl glanced around the table like he was checking everyone was busy before he poured some of his own food into Beth’s bowl. Beth’s hand grasped onto his wrist as she shook her head. He leaned in to whisper something in her ear, but she didn’t look convinced.

       That’s when she saw Daryl’s hand migrate under the table and rest on Beth’s stomach. Everything suddenly clicked. Lydia tried not to react as things became clear. Daryl was feeding her portions of his food because Beth was pregnant.

       Lydia had seen women go through pregnancy before. As Whisperers, they were animals. And animals procreated. They had needs. But that’s not what she was looking at now. She never once saw the type of love she saw shining between Daryl and Beth. Or Rick and Michonne. Or Carl and Mika. It was kind and patient and unconditional, but still strong.

       Alpha always told her connections were a weakness. Relationships were for the weak minded. However, she was surrounded by some of the strongest people she’d ever met. They weren’t animals just trying to survive. They were living, growing stronger together.

       And all at once it crashed into her. Lydia wanted this. She wanted this family and this place. For the first time in her life, she knew what home felt like. And she was terrified Alpha would rip it away from her just like she had with her dad.

       Her hand was shaking from the sudden onslaught of seeing these people she’d grown to care for dead. Then, something warm clutched onto her leg. Lydia flinched slightly, but looked down to see RJ trying to climb into her lap. Her eyes widened as she looked around the table for help. There was no way Rick and Michonne would want their son anywhere near her. Right?

       But RJ persisted and eventually succeeded. Lydia didn’t know what to do with her hands or what to do at all. She was beginning to panic when Michonne’s voice caught her attention, “Careful, he’s stealthier than he looks. One minute your bread will be there and the next…gone.”

       Michonne looked between her son and Lydia with a warmth Lydia was only starting to get used to. Eventually, she turned back to her own meal. Rick’s hand was resting on the table between him and Michonne, who laid her hand on top of his without even thinking about it. Rick immediately turned his palm up and curled his fingers around hers. To Lydia it was bold show of affection, but to them it seemed normal.

       Carl was talking with Judith, but Lydia didn’t hear it over her own racing thoughts. RJ bounced in her lap and she was afraid he’d fall over, so out of necessity, she wrapped her arms around him. He giggled and flapped his hands around. Lydia relaxed slightly at the positive reaction. At least, she did something right.

       Her face tingled from someone staring, so she turned to see Beth watching her. She reached her hand out across the space between them. And Lydia took it.

       “I’m really glad you’re here,” Beth whispered.

       Once again, her soft, reassuring voice drowned out her mother’s. And there was calm.

           

~

 

       Daryl heard whispering. It was getting louder, but he still couldn’t make out what they were saying. There were too many voices and nothing but open space around him. If he stepped anywhere, he’d fall.

       The darkness gave away and he saw where the whispering was coming from. Heads. So many heads. And he recognized them all. Their mouths moved, whispering to him, urging him to come closer. The mangled flesh where their heads were severed from their bodies made his stomach churn violently, but it was their milky eyes that stole the air from his lungs.

       Rick. Michonne. Judith. RJ. Lydia. Mika. Carl. Carol. He saw them all littered beneath his feet. Mouths moving like walkers, but still forming words he couldn’t hear over the buzzing in his head. Then, he saw her.

       Beth.

       She was standing in front of him. Whole. There was tension in her face and body and that’s when he saw her stomach. It was full and round. Their baby fully grown inside her. All the talking heads disappeared below him as he tried to get to her. Beth’s face remained cold and emotionless.

       Out of thin air, Alpha appeared over Beth’s shoulder. He yelled and yelled. Tried to get to her, but it was too late. With one slice, Alpha’s blade slid through her neck and she crumbled to the ground at his feet. Daryl collapsed. The pain chocking his screams of rage into groans.

       His hands reached out to her body, but Alpha face blocked her from view, “This is only the beginning. You can’t protect the ones you already have.”

           

 

       Daryl was violently ripped from sleep, his hand already clutching at the knife stuck between the mattress and the bed frame. He stood, eyes darting between the door leading to the rest of the house and the door leading to the outside. When his eyes caught on the latter, he swore he saw Alpha’s silhouette in the window. Daryl rushed to the door pulling aside the flimsy excuse for curtains and saw nothing. No Alpha. No anyone.

       His ears rang and his breathing came rapidly. When he checked the bed again, Beth was sitting up, watching him carefully. His eyes drifted down to her stomach and he saw she wasn’t fully round. Her sweater molded to her small bump, but it’s how he knew he was no longer dreaming. He couldn’t stand still so he checked the locks on their doors again. Checked all their weapons were in the right places. He paced until he couldn’t wipe the images of Beth at Alpha’s mercy from his mind.

       So, he hunkered down up against the door across from their bed. His knuckles were white as they regrasped the handle of his knife. And he watched. He guarded.

       His fingers danced against his bent-up knees. He pressed his weight into the door behind him until he felt the grooves of the indented wood. His bloodshot eyes stared at the other door across the room. The one that led outside. The one he saw Alpha standing in. His chest heaved and he barely registered Beth as she padded across their room with a blanket wrapped around her and sat down on the floor in front of him.

       She breathed in deeply through her nose and out through her mouth. And Daryl just watched until he realized he was copying her. She kept her distance until he wasn’t about to jump out of his own skin. And his mind cleared somewhat from the foggy haze of his nightmare.

       Beth. His wife. She knew. Her hands reached out and gently ran down his forearms until they covered both of his shaking hands, knife and all. In one motion, she turned and settled against him. Her back molded to his heaving chest, but she wrapped his arms around her own chest and stomach. His grip on the knife relaxed and she carefully removed it from his hand and set it down next to him within reach. She was nestled between his legs. He wrapped around her, making sure his arms were protecting her chest and stomach.

       Feeling her breath against him calmed his panic considerably. It was a reminder she was still alive and with him. Not every night was like this, but it was enough that Beth developed a routine, but tonight she tried something different.

       Beth started to hum. He could barely hear it at first and he strained to listen. His head bowed forward, resting between her neck and shoulder. She hummed and familiar tune, but Daryl couldn’t quite pinpoint it. Eventually, the tension in his body ebbed away.

       She turned in his arms slightly, eyes bouncing around his face. Her arms wrapped around him and her lips found his neck. She soothed away his fears like it was nothing. They’d still be there when the sun came up, and the night after, and in the months to come, but it was enough for now. More than enough. She never forced him to talk about it. Never pushed. She was there like she needed her to be. Whole and bright and strong. His Beth.

       It was more than enough to have her here in his arms. The both of them.

Notes:

This was a big chapter. Usually, I don't like the sort of exposition writing I did at the beginning of the chapter. Often times it feels like info dumping which I try to avoid. I always try to show not tell, but sometimes exposition is necessary. And in this story, I like to think it's almost like reading one of Beth's journal entries. Regardless, I adore this chapter mostly because I was able to get out of my head and just write what I wanted to read. And I'm hoping that comes across.

It's been a few months since the pike scene and we're well into the winter, around late December or early January. Beth is about four-ish months pregnant, so she's starting to show. We see the first inklings of change in Beth and Daryl because of the pregnancy. We saw a bit of Daryl's shift right after Beth told him, but now we're getting a little more. He's keeping it together during the day for the most, but he's not doing well at night. He's really struggling with the things he saw and the conversation he had with Alpha coupled with the fact Beth is in an extremely vulnerable state. Not to mention he feels even more responsible for Lydia (Mika and Carl too) and keeping her safe.

Now, I want to talk about the scene between Beth and Liam. So, Liam is an almost not teenager from the Kingdom. He's angry at the Whisperers like a lot of people are, but again that doesn't excuse his behavior. I'm not saying losing a home isn't significant, but he didn't lose anyone close to him. His parents, brother, and uncle are all still alive and at Alexandria. So, his whole rant to Beth is sort of like rubbing salt into an open wound.

On to Beth's reaction. We haven't seen Beth like this. She is usually very calm and collected (which she still is here), but in this scene her reaction comes from a lot of places. Beth has always been very protective of children and she sees Lydia as a part of her "clan" so to speak. And someone hurt her. Someone bigger and stronger, just like Alpha did. This triggers Beth and Daryl both. But Beth is also going through unfamiliar hormones with her pregnancy and that's making everything heightened. Honestly, I still think she went too easy lol.

We have a lovely scene with Lydia and team family which I really adore, but then we're hit with the dark side of Daryl's new shift. His nightmares. We get to see Beth do what Daryl did for her during the Savior war. Because Beth never saw the pikes, it's a bit easier for her to navigate through her grief, but for Daryl its manifesting in a more brutal way.

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed and I can't wait to hear your thoughts! See you next Sunday!

Chapter 65: Shape of Us

Notes:

Hello lovelies! So, just a heads up, I did not have time to fully edit this chapter, but I wanted to upload it to get it out to you guys. I'll come back around tomorrow and edit it. Please excuse any glaringly obvious grammar errors or flow issues. Thank you!

This is an interesting chapter, but I think you'll guys really like it! Buckle up! All the love and happy reading <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       “It wasn’t a bet,” Rick argued, “It was an educated guess.”

       “An’ you takin’ all Michonne’s overnight watch shifts at the gate was just what? You losin’ an educated guess?” Beth replied sarcastically.

       Rick shrugged nonchalantly, “Who says the two’re related anyway.”

       Beth smirked, “Your son.” She had him there.

       Michonne’s giggle permeated the office of Hilltop, along with Maggie’s bright smile, and Daryl’s amused grin. They all watched the back and forth, clearly getting a kick out of the entertainment.

       Rick groaned, his head falling back, “Didn’t know I raised a snitch.”

       “Coulda told ya that,” Daryl scoffed.

       “Hey!” Carl called out from the couch across from Beth. Him and Mika took up most of it, relaxing after a long day’s trip from Alexandria. “No one told me we weren’t tellin’ Beth about the bet.”

       “I still don’t know how I was the last to hear about this. I want in next time,” Rosita said, pointing an accusing finger at Rick.

       Next time. She wasn’t going to unpack that quite yet, so Beth shook her head good naturedly, but turned to Michonne, “How close were ya?”

       “Down to the week,” Michonne answered proudly.

       She gapped at her, “No…ya couldn’t’ve gotten it that close.”

       “Five months and two weeks,” Michonne answered, “I’d say I was pretty damn close. It’s about the same amount of time Rick and I waited to tell everyone I was pregnant.”

       Maggie let out a sigh, “So glad I don’t gotta hold my tongue anymore, but, Bethie, ya can’t keep riskin’ travelin’ here. From now on, I’ll come ta Alexandria.” Her voice was insistent with concern.

       The last of the snow had started to melt. Once the roads were clear, Beth asked Daryl to take her to Hilltop. He made sure to let her know he wasn’t comfortable with the idea mostly because it required Beth to leave the safety of Alexandria. So, to help ease his fear, she asked Rosita to come with them. However, when news got out, everyone seemed to want to come. She couldn't blame them. Everyone had been snowed in for a while. So, a party of three became a party of eight.

       “Tried ta tell her,” Daryl grunted. Beth tugged on his arm slung around her shoulder.

       She vaguely heard Rick in the background say, “Sounds like ya don’t want us here, Maggie. Sick’a us already?”

       But her focus was on her husband, who was looking down at her with a spark of mirth in his eyes. She hadn’t seen him this relaxed in a while. His lips found hers like a magnet and she smiled against him. Beth’s heart exploded like it was the first time. She never needed him to show his love for her in front of everyone. Daryl showed his love in his own way with how he used to always stand near her wherever they were. Or offering her some of his food, sharing his water with her, always pairing with her on runs. They may have seemed like little things to everyone who didn’t know Daryl, but those ‘little things’ were everything to her.

       Now, he could kiss her in front of their family just because he wanted to. They were always quick, but they still took her breath away, but they never diminished all the ‘little things’ he did to show his love. Because they weren’t little things. They were everything. It was how she knew he loved her even when he couldn’t say it out loud. After all these years, he was still showing her.

       “Beth?”

       She hummed, glancing over at her sister, still in a daze, “Yeah?”

       Maggie grinned, knowingly, “What do ya think?”

       Her cheeks heated up, flushing pink, “Sorry, I didn’t hear ya.” Everyone knew exactly why she hadn’t.

       Instead of teasing her like she thought, Maggie replied with a warm smile, “Said I wanna come stay with ya at Alexandria when you get closer to deliverin’. You were there for me when Hershel was born. I wanna be there for you an’ Daryl.”

       Beth nodded, enthusiastically, “Yeah, I’d want ya to be there, but what ‘bout Glenn, Hershel, an’ Hilltop?”

       Maggie’s face fell slightly at the mention of Glenn. Beth glanced around to see if anyone else caught it. Rick’s brows furrowed and Michonne was intently watching Maggie’s response. Daryl too. So, she wasn’t the only one who caught it, but Maggie quickly covered it up, responding, “They’ll be alright without me for a couple weeks.”

       “Where is Glenn?” Mika suddenly asked, clearly oblivious to the tension in the room.

       Her sister looked unbothered, but the way she readjusted in her chair told her otherwise, “He’s on a run. Should be back later today.” Her voice was steady, but her eyes were swimming with worry. Maggie suddenly sat up in her chair, “Carl. Mika. Do you guys mind goin’ to find Hershel? Think he’s out near the stables with Jessie and Sam.”

       Mika smiled brightly, pulling Carl to his feet beside her, “Of course.” Carl followed behind Mika his hand still resting in hers as they left through the office door. The minute the door closed behind them, Maggie’s face fell slightly.

       However, Rick was the first one to ask, “How bad is it?”

       Her sister shook her head, leaning forward so her elbows were resting on her knees, “Don’t think I’ve seen him this bad since the Governor. He’s so…angry. Paranoid. We all are, but it’s different. I don’t know how to help him.”

       The happiness Beth was feeling seeped out of her agonizingly slow. It all sounded so familiar. Too familiar. The anger. The self-hatred. The guilt. Shame. Paranoia. Beth had experienced a small fraction of what Glenn was going through, but she knew it was nowhere near the same. What Glenn had been forced to see…she couldn’t even begin to comprehend.

       But Beth did know one thing, “You can’t. Not until he understands it wasn’t his fault.”

       Recognition burned in Maggie’s eyes, “He doesn’t sleep. Barely eats. I think… he goes out on every run hopin’ he’ll run into one’a them.”

       “And if he did?” Rosita asked, no judgement in her voice just concern.

       Maggie’s eyes grew sharp, “He’d kill ‘em.”

       Beth cringed inwardly, because it was so unlike Glenn. He only killed because he had to. He didn’t go out looking for revenge or a fight. Maggie was right. This was worse than the Governor. Far worse.

 

~

 

       “Why’re ya guardin’ the cellar?” Beth asked, confusion furrowing her eyebrows.

       The man who she vaguely recognized looked at her with an ‘are you dumb’ expression before replying, “Negan.”

       She rolled her eyes, “Yes, I know, but why? Haven’t had’a guard for the past six years.”

       The man shrugged, “Glenn ordered it a few months ago.”

       Beth was getting tired of trying to pull answers from this guy, “Did Negan try to escape or somethin’?”

       “No.”

       At his blunt and sharp answer, she rounded him without another word and went to unlock the cellar. If Glenn ordered an around the clock guard on Negan, something must have happened. She could just ask Maggie, but she didn’t want to interrupt her time with Hershel. So, Beth would find out herself. Straight from the source.

       An aggressive hand latched on her elbow, “You can’t go down there.”

       “Let me go. Now,” her voice came out rougher than she was used to, but she was finished playing games with this guy who clearly didn’t know shit. He let her go, but tried to block her path.

       Beth couldn’t understand the anger in his eyes until she spotted the distinguishable birthmark right underneath his jaw. She recognized him now. It was Owen, the guy who’d hit on her a couple years ago at Hilltop. She hadn’t seen him since he stalked off with a scowl after Daryl intimidated him with his crossbow. She'd seen him a couple times after and he was always polite, but everything about him seemed different now. He looked thinner, paler. His eyes were sunken and surrounded by dark circles. In fact, when she looked a bit closer, there was something in his eyes that frightened her. Like he was one slight inconvenience away from snapping at anyone in his vicinity.

       Once he blocked her path, he took a step forward, his face contorting, “No one goes in or out, including you.” He said it with such venom and hatred.

       Instead of fighting like she wanted to, she came at it from a different angle, eyeing the spear gripped in his hand. Beth held up the keys to Negan’s cell, “Wanna run that by me again? Go ‘head go ask my sister. I’ll wait.”

       Maggie didn’t know she was here. Her sister would try to talk her out of it, but Beth knew Maggie would back her up, especially if Owen barged in her office talking about how she wasn’t allowed to see Negan.

       By the shift in his stance and his knuckles turning white around the spear, Beth knew he decided to switch tactics too. His eyes drifted down to her clearly round stomach, only visible because her coat was unzipped, “Kind of the worst time for that, isn’t it? Still with the hunter?”

       Her tongue was sharper than it had ever been, “Don’t know, Owen, wanna find out?” Beth didn’t disguise her tone as anything other than a threat. He wanted to be an asshole, fine, but that didn’t mean she had to take it, “Get out of my way.”

       She stepped around him and this time he didn’t move, but she felt his seething rage poking her with daggers. Beth threw open the cellar door. As she descended the stairs, the temperature dropped significantly and for a split second, she worried about Negan freezing to death overnight. However, when his cell came into view, she saw he had multiple layers on and a few heavy-duty blankets. Warm light illuminated his cell and she clocked a small bin in the corner with a fire crackling inside.

       Tension released from her shoulders. Beth knew she shouldn’t care. She knew. Guilt still sometimes nagged at her, but over the years she had come to accept Negan would always be a part of her. All those years ago, she chose to let him live and that part of her still lived in her today. The part that cared.

       Negan was sitting up against the wall underneath the window. His eyes lit up with a smirk as he regarded her, “Holy shit… guess my little birdies don’t know everything.”

       Despite herself, Beth grinned, “Guess not.”

       Negan stood and walked towards the bars, “Took ya long enough with you practically bein’ the goddamn Mother Theresa.” His sarcasm was clear, but there was a genuine look of pride directed towards her.

       Beth opened her mouth to reply, but instead her eyes caught on the disarray of Negan’s cell. Her grin disappeared, “How long’s it been since you’ve been outside?”

       He hummed, eyes dropping to the ground momentarily before he replied, “Not sure. Couple months.” Beth could tell the reply was true. The way his voice lowered and he couldn’t quite look at her. It had been a long time since she’d seen Negan like this.

       She didn’t hesitate. The key to his cell found the lock before she could second guess it. Plus, she needed to get him out of here so they could talk privately. Beth had no doubt Owen was listening to every word they said.

       “What’re ya doin’, Beth?” Negan asked in a whisper, clearly having gone through the same train of thought she had.

       “Come on,” the cell door swung open with a groan and she beckoned him out, “Fresh air’ll do ya good.”

       Negan carefully took one step out of the cell, like lightning would suddenly strike him down, “You prepared to take on asshole number one up there.”

       Beth shrugged, still keeping her voice quiet, “I trust you’ll have my back if he tries anythin’.” She knew Negan heard them arguing before she came down here. The spark of anger in his eyes when he mentioned Owen told her enough.

       His head tilted suddenly, looking down at her, “So, you trust me now?” It was said in a sarcastic tone, but there was an actual question underneath it all.

       She told him the truth, “I trust ya won’t let anythin’ happen to me even if I’m the last person you’d ever wanna protect. You may be a bad person, Negan, but…you’re only a monster when ya gotta be.” Beth started walking towards the cellar stairs, before she added, “I’ve seen true monsters. Used ta think actin’ like one an’ bein’ one were the same. They’re not.”

       Emotion overwhelmed his face for a split second before it disappeared. He didn’t hide it with a mask. She could tell the real Negan was still standing in front of her, but he covered it up nonetheless, “Well damn… after all these years you’re startin’ to see it my way. Mother Theresa isn’t a saint anymore, huh?”

       Beth knew Negan’s way. His words still circulated in her mind whenever she thought of the Whisperers: You kill ‘em all before they get a chance.

       She scoffed, but it sounded more like a sigh than anything, “Never was…” She didn’t say anything else as she ascended the stairs, walking up into the open air. To her surprise, Owen was nowhere to be found and she wondered if he really had gone to talk to Maggie.

       Negan stuck close behind her as she led him through Hilltop. No one seemed to pay them any mind. Too busy either stocking up food or refortifying a weak spot in the wall near the front gate. Beth led him to a more secluded area of Hilltop away from the main house and as far away from his cell as possible. They were near the horse stables. The smell reminded her of the barn on her daddy’s farm. One of the horses even looked like Nelly.

       When she turned towards Negan, his eyes were closed and his face was turned up towards the grey, overcast sky. He was breathing deeply, like he was savoring every breath of fresh air. So, she let him have a moment, petting the chestnut horse, who’d come towards her.

       Negan came up beside her and she took it as an indicator to start talking, “So, tell me what happened.”

       He hummed, but it ended in a long drawn out sigh, “Outta your sister and brother-in-law, he was always the kinder one. Now…that’s changed.”

       Beth put the pieces together. She couldn’t even bring herself to try and imagine what Glenn had gone through in that barn with Alpha. When she thought about it too long, bile rose in the back of her throat. Even if she would never understand that type of pain or trauma, she understood what he was doing. He was seeking out a way to control anything he could because everything else was out of his control.

       He was redirecting his fear of the Whisperers onto Negan because he was here. Because he could.

       She nodded, “I’ll see what I can do. Have your little birdies told ya what happened?”

       A grave look fell over his face, “Heard enough to know not to push.”

       “But that’s what you’re good at…pushin’,” Beth replied, trying to add some levity, but she turned serious again, “You’re right though. Everyone’s on edge. Glenn most of all…he was there when Alpha took their heads.”

       Beth knew it wasn’t her place to share what Glenn had been through, but Negan needed to understand the severity of the situation. All she could hope was that Negan never threw it back in Glenn’s face.

       She continued, “She leveled the Kingdom with her horde. Killed indiscriminately. She killed a child.” Beth chocked up thinking about Ava. That little girl deserved the world. She was the sweetest, kindest kid, getting it all from her mother. Beth bit the inside of her cheeks to keep the tears at bay, “Amber… her child. Stuck their heads on pikes to mark the boundary of her land. She took so much from us.”

       The corner of Negan’s lips were downturned in anger as he said more to himself, “You don’t kill kids.”

       Her head nodded absentmindedly, “Never thought I’d say this, but I think you were right. There’s no way around it. She can’t be reasoned with, but we’re stuck at her mercy.”

       “You should be gettin’ ready. Not sittin’ around on your asses waitin’ for her to come back,” Negan said, “Mournin’ period’s over. Get on the offensive.”

       Beth didn’t say anything, but she couldn’t say she disagreed.

           

           

       The sun was starting to go down when Beth took Negan back to his cell. There was no guard to be seen, so she figured Maggie had called it off for now. Negan had a bit more energy. He looked slightly less haggard even from just the little bit of fresh air. She locked the cell behind him, the key dangling in her hand, “I’ll have someone bring down your dinner.”

       Negan's eyes snapped to something behind her. He walked up to the cell bars, "Beth…"

       She turned and saw Owen stepping out of the shadows on the other side of the cellar. He was blocking her way to the stairs. Alarm bells rang in her head. She was trapped. Her back was to Negan's cell, his shadow falling over her. So, she knew Negan was standing right behind her. Beth tilted her stomach away from Owen, so she wasn't fully exposed.

       Something about him was off. He was swaying back and forth ever so slightly, like he was possessed, his eyes dark and unhinged. He looked straight out of a nightmare, especially with how the fire in Negan's cell caused shadows to flicker across his face.

       Beth spoke to him softly, hoping not to set him off, "Owen…I was just gonna go get his dinner." She talked to him like nothing was wrong. Like everything was fine, but she knew things were far from all right. Beth couldn’t read him. All she knew was she was in danger.

       He cocked his head, an incredulous look crossing his face as he stepped towards her, "So, this is what you do? Cozy up to them after everything they've done. You gonna do that with Alpha too?"

       His words hit like a blow, taking her breath right out of her lungs. Not because of what he said, but because she was in a worse situation than she thought. Fear spiked through her, grabbing hold of all her senses.

       "Hey, kid," Negan piped up behind her. She recognized his arrogant tone as he stepped out from behind her, drawing Owen's attention away, "Do you even know how I got in this cell?" Owen's eyes darted to her, answering his question, before falling back to Negan, "Exactly. Played me like a damn violin. So, whatever shit you think you know, take it somewhere else."

       Beth's hand slowly drifted underneath her jacket and wrapped around her knife resting on her hip. She was stuck in the corner between the wall and the cell bars. Owen scoffed, taking another step forward, but this time towards Negan, "Do you know what she did? What her and Daryl did? They started this. They did this. She did this."

       He swiveled towards her, somehow closer than he was before she blinked, "You're the reason they're all dead. The reason the Kingdom fell. The reason your friends are dead. You had to go play hero. Stealing Alpha's daughter. Killing her second. What'd you think was gonna happen? You got so many people killed and for what? To save one girl!" His voice was rising, the veins on his neck standing out, "You're the reason my sister is dead!"

       "Hey!" Negan yelled, trying to draw his attention back to him, "I'm not a rocket scientist, but blamin’ someone who didn't physically pull the trigger is some spineless, prick shit. Unless… you're just a coward who couldn't save her yourself." Negan was baiting him, trying to turn his rage onto him instead of her, but it was like Owen didn't even hear him.

       Beth watched his hands carefully, scanning his body for any weapons. There weren't any she could see, but that didn't mean anything. Owen was tall, lean. If he wanted to, he could kill her with his bare hands. He had enough rage for it. All her senses were pushed into overdrive. "Owen…I'm so sorry about your sister. I didn't kno—"

       "Of course you didn't," he sneered, "You're too busy gettin' knocked up like you didn't start a war we can't win. Fucking acting like everything's normal with your useless, redneck bastard of a husband. Who says you deserve any of this?" Owen eyed her swollen stomach in disgust.

       She knew he was about to attack. His chest was heaving with fury and his eyes were burning with such unbridled anger. This was a man too deep, too gone in his own grief, but she still wasn't sure how he knew about Beta. That particular detail never got out.

       Owen was a couple feet from her, closer to the cell bars. She pulled her knife. It was enough to grab his attention so he didn't see Negan's arms dart out from between the bars and grab him.

       "Run!" Negan bellowed. Owen practically roared as he slammed back against the iron.

       She darted as fast as she could towards the stairs, but she didn't even make it around the corner before Owen barreled into her. A cry ripped from her throat when her body slammed into the wall. She tried to protect her stomach from hitting, but it was too late. It hit the wall along with her shoulder. Beth braced herself against it.

       Before she could reorient herself, she was thrown off her feet and onto the ground. At the last second, she twisted so she fell onto her back rather than her front, but the move cost her the knife in her hand. It skittered across the ground, settling in the corner of the cellar.

       Beth gasped trying to catch her breath, her lungs pinched from the fall. Owen suddenly dropped down on top of her, pinning her legs with his knees. She bucked her hips up trying to get him off, but his balance was centered. His hands pinned her arms to the cold concrete floor, so much so she could feel her elbows grinding into the ground.

       "After everything you've done…you don't get to walk away," he growled in her face before his hands wrapped around her throat.

       Everything slowed down. Something about all of this was so familiar. Her mind was riddled with déjà vu. Beth wiggled until one of her legs got free. She rammed her knee upward, catching him in the gut. The pressure on her neck released long enough for her to turn her head towards Negan, but before she could look up, she saw the key to his cell laying on the ground next to her.

       “Negan!” Beth screamed past the renewed pressure on her throat. Her focus was back on Owen as her hand rapidly searched the floor next to her. And suddenly, the cold metal of the fallen key grazed her fingers. Beth pushed the key across the floor. She heard it skitter across the ground and hit something.

       Beth surged forward and got Owen off her long enough to breath before he was back on her. Her knees connected with flesh. Her nails drew blood, but Owen budged less than an inch. That’s when she remembered. Her déjà vu was no longer muddled memories of some other life.

       Her mind rushed towards a memory, clearing the panicked fog. She vaguely heard Negan scrambling in his cell, but everything else disappeared. She remembered the Wolves. The school. The musky smell, the decay. She remembered the eyes of the woman bleeding out underneath her. Daryl’s darkness filling the room, comforting her. But above all else, she remembered Rick’s bloody beard. His blood-stained teeth.

       Beth wasn’t using every part of her body to fight.

       Something clicked. She found the darkness she usually had to tunnel down to find was already there. Ready. Waiting. She had to live. Her baby had to live. The man above her was no longer someone she shared a community with. He was an enemy. He was a Wolf. A Savior. A Claimer. A Whisperer. A walker. It didn’t matter.

       Beth got her arms between Owen’s and rammed them into the crook of his elbows. As he became off balanced, he fell forward towards her. Beth surged up at the same moment, clamping her teeth around the exposed flesh of his neck. And she ripped.

       Owen reared back, gapping like a fish out of water. Blood cascaded from the open wound in his neck, but she hadn’t gone deep enough, or in the correct area, to kill him fast enough, just maim. Owen’s hand clamped down on the wound as Beth tried to get out from underneath him.

       The squeak of Negan’s cell door crashing open echoed off the cellar walls. Owen’s weight disappeared off her legs in an instance. She scrambled away to get some distance as the scene in front of her unfolded. Negan was a rabid wolf let out of his cage, finally able to savor his prey. In an instant, everything became blurry, but from the squelching noises, Beth could guess what Negan was doing.

       The blood smeared around her mouth was scorching. She used her sleeve to wipe it away as best she could, but the ghost of it still lingered. There was pain in her abdomen, but she couldn’t tell if it was just from her fall or if it was something much worse. Beth tried to stand using the wall next to her. Everything ached and a sharp pain went through her side, but she got to her feet.

       “Negan,” she called, her voice strong but husky from being choked. Owen was unconscious underneath him. Negan's knuckles were bloody and split open. She looked down at Owen in disgust before saying to Negan, “I need him alive.” He looked apprehensive and she wouldn’t be surprised if she finished him off, but she doubled over in pain suddenly. She gasped, her hands going to her stomach, “Negan…my baby”

       He rushed to her, leaving Owen in a growing pool of his own blood. He wrapped his arm around her back and helped get her up the stairs, “Your baby’s gonna be fine, Beth.” He said it with such assuredness, there was a split second where she believed him. The stairs out of the cellar were a battle, each step causing her more pain. By the time they got to the top, Beth was leaning heavily into Negan.

       He threw open the cellar doors, hefting her into the crisp air. Once they were outside, Negan yelled, voice booming across the expanse of Hilltop, “Someone get Dr. Carson, now!”

       Heads swiveled towards them, then chaos broke out. People stopped what they were doing to watch, clearly taken aback how she, of all people, was holding onto Negan. Rosita and Jesus were the first to get to them. The former yelling, “What the hell happened?”

       She groaned as a spike of pain went through her back. Rosita rushed to her other side to help support her. Negan answered, “Owen attacked her down in the cellar. Spewin’ some bullshit ‘bout Alpha and her band of merry freaks. Beth wants him alive.”

       Jesus didn’t hesitate before he ran past them towards the cellar, while yelling for Alden to get Maggie. Negan and Rosita started helping her to the infirmary, but another spark of pain had her knees giving out momentarily. Fear raged through her and she whimpered, “Where’s Daryl? I want Daryl.” Her voice came out pleading and weak. For a split second, she didn’t recognize her own voice. Every what if ran through her mind. All of them causing her stomach to churn.

       Dr. Carson suddenly appeared in her view, rushing towards her with a wheelchair. Rosita stayed with her, but Negan broke off saying, “I’m gonna find him." Before he fully left, he bent down with a sad smile and said quietly, so only she could hear, "Who said you’re the last person I’d wanna protect?” Beth glanced at him with a stunned expression before what he said truly clicked. She nodded at him because it was the only response she could muster at the moment. A part of her didn’t want Daryl finding out she was hurt from Negan of all people, but a larger part of her was grateful. He peeled off and disappeared into the chaos, barely anyone paying him any mind.

       “Beth, I need you to tell me what happened, so I know what I’m looking for,” Dr. Carson said clearly as he rushed her towards Hilltop’s infirmary.

       She hunched forward, “Pushed me from behind. Slammed into the wall ‘fore he threw me to the floor. My stomach hit the wall, but I was able to turn onto my back before I fell to the ground. It hurts…”

       Rosita held the door to the infirmary open as Dr. Carson wheeled her in, “What hurts specifically?”

       Tears sprung into her eyes as she answered with the truth, “My stomach, the right side…an’ my back. I can’t tell if…” she trailed off when her throat closed up around her worst fear. Another groan of pain pasted her lips instead. Her body already throbbing, battered, and bruised.

       They both helped her up from the chair, transferring her to a bed. Dr. Carson scrambled around the trailer grabbing instruments and a stethoscope before returning to her side, “Did you hit your head?” Beth shook her head, clutching onto her stomach with one hand like she could hold all the pieces of herself together. She hadn’t realized her other hand was grasping Rosita’s for dear life.

       Beth looked over at her, fear drowning her every gasp. She shook her head rapidly, trying to wipe the spiraling thoughts from her head, “I can’t…I can’t. If—”

       Rosita squeezed her hand, a fierce look in her eyes, “Yes, you can. If nothing. No ifs. You’re gonna be fine. Your baby is gonna be fine.”

       Dr. Carson wasted no time, tilting her head up and inspecting her eyes. His fingers probed her neck, so she guessed the red marks were still visible from Owen’s hands. Then, he asked the dreaded question, quietly, “Can you lift your shirt?” She knew what was coming, but she couldn’t. Not yet.

       “I can’t. Not without Daryl…” Tears leaked out of the corner of her eyes, slipping over her temples and into her hair.

       Rosita ran a hand over her hair, trying to sooth her, “He’s coming.” It was like her words summoned him.

       The door to the infirmary suddenly burst open, hitting the wall behind it. Daryl stood in the threshold, heaving, a wild look in his eyes. When he spotted her, he was across the room in an instant, taking Rosita’s place. His calloused hand replaced Rosita’s, while his other rested near the crown of her head. Negan stood just within the threshold of the infirmary and she nodded at him in thanks.

       “Beth…” Daryl’s voice said her name like a prayer. Like he was asking God to make sure she was all right. Make sure their baby was all right. “Gonna be alright…”

       Daryl never made promises he couldn’t keep. So, she pulled up her shirt to let Dr. Carson check for a heartbeat, but before she could, Beth saw Rosita trying to usher Negan out of the infirmary. Another spike of energy went through her. She had to make it right. “Wait, Rosita,” The woman looked back at her, “He saved me. Don’t let anyone say otherwise.”

       Rosita looked between her and Negan before nodding. The last thing Beth saw before the door to the infirmary shut again was gratitude and worry melting Negan’s features. She let out a shaky breath, her heart pounding against her ribs so loudly it was deafening.

       She regripped Daryl’s hand, her eyes finding his as tears poured from her eyes, “I’m sorry…I shoulda known. I shoulda—”

       “Don’t. This ain’t your fault,” Daryl growled at the idea any of this being her fault. But if she had lost their baby because of this, how could it not be? How could it not be?

       Beth finished pulling up her sweater over her stomach. Her eyes never left Daryl’s gaze. He held her together with the strength of it. The cold steel of the stethoscope hit her exposed skin making her flinch slightly. Then, it occurred to her she didn’t want to find out the fate of her baby through Daryl’s reaction, because it would kill her. Haunt her. If she had to watch his face break, she couldn’t do it. So, Beth squeezed her eyes shut, her face turning towards the ceiling.

       Dr. Carson moved the stethoscope around her abdomen slowly. With every passing second, dread coiled its way into her heart. Her breathing started to hammer out of her mouth in short bursts. Those violent breaths turned into quiet sobs. She felt Daryl’s forehead nudge into her temple, trying to soothe her. He whispered a command to her: Breathe.

       Then, suddenly, Beth felt something nudge into her own ears. Her eyes surged open. The first thing she saw was Dr. Carson smiling softly at her. She realized he’d transferred the earpiece of the stethoscope into her ears. Then, she heard it.

       Thump, thump. Thump, thump. The hummingbird heartbeat played in her ears, loud and strong. Her eyes followed the tubing of the stethoscope until she saw Dr. Carson’s hand holding the chestpiece over the right side of her stomach. She had to see it. To hear it. And to connect the two. She had to be sure.

       An unrestrained whimper left her lips, relief cascading through her. When she looked back at Daryl, his eyes were glistening with tears too, but for once, they weren’t the tears of a broken man. Despite the pain, she sat up and wrapped her arms around Daryl’s neck. He held her so gently, but she could still feel his desperation to be closer.

       Dr. Carson’s soft voice broke through their relief filled haze, “Would you like to find out the sex of your baby? I believe we have enough ethanol left in the generator to fuel the sonogram for an ultrasound.”

       Beth turned to him; eyes wide. For some reason, she never thought she’d find out the gender of their baby until she gave birth. She just assumed she’d find out afterwards. All she hoped and prayed for was a healthy baby. Nothing else mattered.

       Daryl was watching her carefully, his hand lingering on her thigh, “It’s up to you.”

       A smile warmed her face, “Are you sure?” She wasn’t asking if he was sure about letting her decide. She was asking if he was sure he wanted to know.

       “Mhm,” he hummed deep in his throat, but his eyes were bright. And that was enough confirmation for her.

       So, Beth nodded to Dr. Carson and he got busy setting everything up. It wasn’t long after when Maggie rushed through the door of the infirmary with Rick and Michonne. Carl and Mika not far behind.

       “Bethie…” Maggie whispered, coming to sit on the other side of her bed, “I’m so sorry.”

       She grabbed her sister’s hand hard, making sure to grab her attention, “There’s nothin’ to be sorry for. I’m fine. We’re both alright.” It seemed a collective sigh of relief filled the room.

       Rick placed a hand on Daryl’s shoulder, who rose to stand in front of him. Rick must have seen the redness in his eyes because he pulled him into a hug, his hand gripping the back of his neck. Michonne smiled at them, her eyes sparkling, before turning to her.

       “Can’t take out a Dixon no matter how hard ya try,” Beth said, trying to add some levity. Michonne shook her head disbelievingly, but her grin was still there.

       Rick leaned down towards her, running a warm hand over the crown of her head. It was an immensely comforting gesture she started associating with him long ago. And still to this day, it soothed her nerves and tension.

       No one talked about what happened, not yet at least. There was a silent agreement among them that it could wait at least another day or two. It wasn’t long before Dr. Carson came back. Beth hadn’t even realized he stepped out. Hooking up the generator to the sonogram took less time than she thought. Rick and Michonne saw what was coming and ushered Carl and Mika out, so they could have some privacy.

       Maggie looked down at her hesitantly, but Beth interrupted her train of thought, “Of course, I want ya here.” Emotion overwhelmed her sister’s face for a split second before she composed herself and nodded.

       Soon enough, Dr. Carson was accessing the ultrasound, slowly moving the wand over her stomach. Beth didn’t care what their baby was, but maybe, knowing could help her prepare more. She already loved this baby more than she could ever put into words. Now, she could start referring to them as baby girl or baby boy.

       Finally, Dr. Carson smiled warmly at her and Daryl, “Congratulations, you’re having a healthy baby girl.”

       The weight of his words hit her like a freight train. Somehow knowing made it all the more real. They were having a girl. Daryl had so much pride in his eyes. So much love. How something so bad could turn into something so overwhelming good was beyond her.

       Beth surged up from the bed, her lips finding Daryl’s. His hand encompassed her cheek, brushing the stray tears away. When they broke away, his forehead still resting on hers, he said, “Was right. ‘Bout seein’ that mini you runnin’ around.”

       And she remembered. She remembered his words from so long ago. Wouldn’t mind seein’ a mini you runnin’ around. It was the first time Beth imagined a possible future where she was brave enough to take that leap of faith. It was the first time she ever took a second to consider one day having a baby in this world. Something she thought was a dead dream at the time. Until Daryl made her feel safe enough. Now, here they were. They were having a little girl.

       Beth giggled through her tears. They were having a girl. And really it was the only thing that made sense. It clicked into place like it was always meant to be. Daryl said it himself. He was right all those years ago. They just finally caught up.

 

 

             

~

 

       Owen ran. He ran like he never had before. His lungs were shredded scraps of organs. He hauled his younger sister with him. She was slowing, stumbling. And he was on empty. The woods around them were alive with sounds of the dead and the undead. He heard them whispering all around. They echoed through the trees.

       Then, his sister fell. For a moment, he questioned leaving her as she dry heaved on the ground beneath him, but the thought immediately banished from his mind. She was his little sister. No matter how old she got, she would always be his little sister. She cried out for him to run, but he couldn’t leave her. He wouldn’t.

       If she was going to die, so was he. Owen crouched down next to her as the Whisperers surrounded them. The small horde of the dead weren’t far off. So, he only had one options.

       He begged, “Please, I’ll tell you anything you want to know. I know things. Just let my sister go.”

       One of the skin freaks stepped forward and crouched down near him, his knife blade glinting, “Names. The crossbow hunter. The woman always at his side with the knives. The man with the eye patch. And the blonde girl with the crossbow.”

       Owen’s brain short circuited as he gapped at him until all the clues clicked. He gasped out in sporadic breathes, “Daryl, Beth… Carl, Mika.” He named them all, hoping the information would save his sister.

       But the Whisperer’s knife crept towards his incapacitated sister, “Where?”

       “Where? What do you mean where? I don’t know where they are,” he stuttered.

       Quicker than lighting the man moved, wrapping a hand around his sister’s hair and wanking. She whimpered as his knife settled against her throat. Owen shook from head to toe, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. The Whisperers sunken dead face turned back towards him, “Home?”

       Home? What did he mean? Owen scrambled for an answer. Anything. And then, he put it together, “Alexandria. They live in Alexandria.”

       The Whisperer nodded towards him in question and Owen hesitated for the first time. They didn’t know about Hilltop or Oceanside yet. He could lie, but somehow, he felt like they’d know, because none of his answers had seemed surprising to them up to this point. If it saved his sister, he’d do it.

       “Hilltop…” he whispered.

       A second hadn’t even passed before Owen watched the blade cut into his sister’s throat and slice it open. He couldn’t yell. Couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. Death would be a comfort. She slumped to the ground with a silent scream on her lips. His limbs were too heavy.

       The man whispered, “They started this. They did this. We will not forget what you took.” His sister bled out in front of him, her fingers still twitching around in the brush. Owen heard the growing noises of the dead closing in. The Whisperer stood, but not before throwing his bloody knife to the ground in front of him, “To walk with the dead… become them. Choose.”

       Just like any other nightmare, the people wearing the faces of the dead vanished. His dead sister laid before him and a knife between them. The small horde of the dead was getting closer. He had to choose. There were too many to fight off and he was too tired to run. His sister started to reanimate next to him, her face still resting in her own pool of blood. Owen wanted to die. It was resolute in his bones, but the Whisperer’s words played in his head on a loop.

       They started this. They did this.

       They.

       They.

       Daryl, Beth, Carl, Mika.

       Daryl, Beth, Carl.

       Daryl and Beth.

       They did this.

       Owen picked up the knife.

Notes:

Well, I gave you guys something awful, but I also fed you something sweet too, so I hope you forgive me :)

So, starting with the conversation between Negan and Beth. There relationship is one of the most interesting. Negan has this weird respect for Beth and he always does care about her. Beth on the other hand has accepted Negan will always be a part of her. She went through something extremely traumatic because of him and it, in an odd way, bonded them. Do NOT think I am absolving Negan of all his wrong doings because I'm not! He's still a bad person, but I do agree with Beth in the sense that monsters and bad people are two different things. I'm not saying Negan isn't a monster. He can be, but Beth believes she's seen worse in the form of Alpha.

Owen is the guy that hit on Beth at Hilltop in chapter 51. I wanted a sort of Dante effect with his character. The Whisperers essentially weaponized the grief over his sister's death (that they caused) and turned it onto Beth and Daryl. Owen essentially became a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. The end scene implies something very dark. I didn't want to write through it because we just had the pike scene, but for those of you who want to know...Owen had to essentially gut his own sister so he could survive the walker horde. So, he's in a really dark place. I'm not condoning his actions AT ALL, but you can see why he broke.

When Owen attacks Beth, I wanted to write an almost full circle scene with the scene where the Wolf almost choked her to death in her house in Alexandria. That scenario haunted Beth for a long time because Judith was there, but Beth was also convinced she was going to die. So, I wanted to show the development of her character. Beth stayed relatively calm here and used her training and experience to get herself out of this situation. And I want to be clear, Beth would have survived even if Negan never made it out of the cell. The only reason Beth tells Rosita Negan saved her is to make sure no one tries to spin the story to make him out to be the bad guy in that situation.

Finally, we find out the gender of Beth and Daryl's baby! I debated for a long time whether they should have a boy or girl. I thought since Beth and Daryl were already basically parents to a bunch of girls, they should have a boy instead. I also thought it would be a good full circle for Daryl since his father was so awful, but my gut kept saying it had to be a girl. It just had to be. Plus Daryl Dixon is so girl dad coded, it just had to be a girl lol.

Anyways, all the love and I can't wait to hear what you all think <3

Chapter 66: Two Sides of the Same Coin

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I have a part two of last chapter for you! And another addition of "Important Conversations with the TWD Family" lol.

Can't wait to hear what you all think! All the love <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       “Do you know what it's like? To gut someone who just turned?”

       Rick leaned forward on his stool, head tilting at Owen. Every question he asked was answered with another question and Rick was losing his patience. With one word, he could doom this man to a far worse fate than just talking, like getting Daryl down here for one. They needed information, but Rick was starting to think he didn’t have any.

       All Owen did was talk in circles. He’d seen it time and time again in the interrogation room when the perp had nothing. However, his hands were throwing him off. They kept twitching against the cell bars. Rick clocked it the minute he came down into the cellar. It could just be fear, but that kind of fear always showed up in the eyes too. There was nothing in Owen’s eyes except a deep fanatical gleam. So, if it wasn’t fear, it had to be something else, a tell.

       Owen continued rambling when Rick never answered, “It’s warm. Thinner. Doesn’t stick as easily. My sister…she was small. Smaller than she oughta be at the age she was. She always used to yell at me for calling her baby sis. It was less about her age and more about her size. But when she turned…she may have been small, but she nearly killed me. Its hard to forget they’re no longer yours after they turn. They’re something else. When I cut her open, she was still warm. You ever had to do that, Rick?”

       Venom dripped from his mouth, but this time it was aimed at him. Not Beth or Daryl. So, it wasn’t just those two. Rick weighed the odds in his head. If he responded, it might derail the conversation. If he stayed quiet for too long, Owen might shut down. Or he might keep talking. It was a gamble, but his gut was saying to keep his mouth shut.

       “You were there when they found the heads. And that still wasn’t enough for you to call off your dogs? The skin freaks will come for us. There’s no way around it, but you’re still playing house with Alpha’s daughter. Still acting like you didn’t start a war we can’t finish. We’ll all be dead or worse. I’m not the only one who sees it.”

       There it was. That’s where Rick needed to push. He needed to know who else thought like this and if they were far enough gone to do what Owen had. Rick pulled out the hatchet hanging on her belt, flipping it in his hand. The blade caught the flickering lamp light. Owen removed his hands from between the bars as he watched the display.

       Rick examined his hatchet like he didn’t already know every inch of it by heart. Every nick, every crevice, every scratch. His voice was deadly calm, “These are my people. I don’t choose for ‘em. An’ you don’t get to choose for ‘em either. You wanted to take matters into your own hands. Fine, I get it. But you tried to kill one’a us. Beth.” He said her name with a hard edge, making sure he heard it. Owen stopped seeing her as a person and only as a villain in his own story. Rick was going to break the façade he was holding onto.

       “I’ve known Beth since the beginnin’. Back when she was still Greene instead’a Dixon. Her dad was a good friend’a mine, got us through a lot. Always did his best to protect his girls. When he died, it became our responsibility. I was there when Beth had to make her first kill. Doin’ it to save me an’ Daryl. I was there when she was taken by Negan. When she came back different. She’s my family an’ you tried to kill her. Not carin’ she was vulnerable. Pregnant. Consider yourself lucky it’s me down here an’ not Daryl… She’s the best’a us. Still kind, even after everything.”

       Owen’s face was contorting and he could tell he was about to break. So, Rick kept pushing, “An’ that extends to Lydia. To any Whisperer who turns against Alpha. Do ya think we went through what we went through, did what we did, ‘cause all we cared about was our own survival?”

       It was partly true. Lydia was a part of his family now, but he still kept a keen eye on Mary. Still wasn’t fully convinced he wouldn’t kill any Whisperer he crossed, but Owen didn’t need to know that.

       The pathetic excuse for a man in front of him growled with unbridled wrath, “You’re pathetic! All of you deserve what’s coming. We could’ve been home free. Give her Beth, Daryl, and Lydia. We could’ve been safe. But you all are too chicken shit to sacrifice for the greater good. Three people for three communities. I was the only one willing to do what needed to be done.”

       That’s all Rick needed to hear. Owen was the only one willing to take it far enough to try and kill Beth and Daryl. To kidnap Lydia and force her back to Alpha. Others may doubt them. Be skeptical of the choices they’ve made as leaders, but that was expected. Healthy. They should be questioned and doubted, but Rick needed to know if anyone in their communities was willing to take it further. And he got his answer.

       Rick stood abruptly, causing Owen to retract from the cell bars all together. His fingers regripped the handle of his hatchet. He could be done with it, a brief flash of his hatchet going into Owen’s head filled his mind. The satisfying squelch of ending a life that didn’t deserve to be here. Not after what he did to Beth. But it wasn’t his decision to make. At least, he got some satisfaction from seeing the bandage on his neck from where Beth ripped out a chunk of his flesh.

       She took a page right out of his book and he couldn’t be prouder.

       He went for the stairs, not stopping even when Owen started yelling, “Wait! Come back here!” The panic in his voice was evident. Probably because he realized Rick would’ve been the most lenient out of them all. If it had been Daryl, he would’ve been tortured. With how things were going with Glenn, he’d either be exiled or executed. Rick wasn’t sure. Maggie was of the same mind. And from what Beth had been telling him, even Negan wanted to kill him.

       Rick emerged from the cellar, locking it behind him. He clapped Alden on the back, who was taking up a watch shift just in case someone decided Owen was in the right. Or too far in the wrong to get to live. Either way, it didn’t matter. Maggie was the one who made the final decision.

       When he rounded the corner of the house, Daryl was smoking and pacing outside the infirmary. It was an odd sight. Usually, he was either pacing or smoking. Not both at the same time. It told Rick enough about his mental state and he couldn’t blame him. His wife and child had almost been killed. Daryl was taking it better than Rick thought he would, honestly.

       Rick closed the distance, “Brother.” Daryl blew a visible cloud of smoke in the opposite direction before turning to him. “He was alone. Don’t gotta worry ‘bout someone else tryin’ anything.”

       “What he says don’t mean nothin’,” Daryl grunted, clearly agitated. The dark circles under his eyes showed him how little sleep he’s been getting lately. Honestly, Rick didn’t disagree with him, but he saw the truth in Owen’s words even behind all the crazy.

       He rerouted, “How’s Beth?”

       “How’d you think? Ain’t slept ‘til now. Constantly jerkin’ herself awake. An’ it ain’t from the attack.” Rick tilted his head in question, giving Daryl room to continue, “Think it’s from knowin’…”

       It took him a second to understand, but when Daryl’s head bowed and he saw the flash of fear in his eyes, Rick understood. More than understood. He lived it. Twice. He confirmed his suspicion when he finally replied, “It makes it real.”

       Daryl nodded. Rick put his hand on Daryl’s shoulder, leaning forward slightly to catch his eyes, “That little girl’s gonna be loved. Protected. She’s gonna be a survivor just like her mom and dad. We’ll make sure’a it. All of us. World doesn’t stand a chance.”

       He huffed out a breath, but nodded, emotion swirling in his eyes. It was genuine. Rick knew his words got through to him. His brother was going to be a great father. He had no doubt about it. Daryl sat down on the steps leading up to the infirmary letting out a long breath through his nose, “Still don’t know what we’re doin’ ‘bout Owen.”

       “It’s up to Maggie…” Rick said, his voice hard, “Can’t say I disagree with executin’ him, but I don’t think she’d go that far.”

       Commotion at the gates of Hilltop drew Rick’s attention, his head darting towards the noise. That’s when he saw a familiar figure stalking into Hilltop. Glenn. Back from his run.

       Daryl’s gruff voice finally responded, “She won’t, but got a feelin’ Glenn would.”

       “Not sure that’s a good thing…” Rick trailed off, knowing him and Daryl wanted nothing more than for Owen to be six feet under, but not like this.

       “Me neither.”

 

~

 

       “He’s alive,” Maggie declared, standing behind her desk at Hilltop.

       Rick, Michonne, Glenn, Daryl, Rosita, Jesus, Carl, and Mika stood around the room in various stages of frustration, anger, or restlessness. Beth was resting in one of the chairs, her body still recovering from the blows she took last night. They hurt a lot less now, knowing her baby girl was safe and healthy. Daryl stood behind her chair like an ever-looming threat to anyone who may try to harm her. Every once in a while, she reached up to rest her hand on his to soothe the ire still burning inside him.

       Maggie called the meeting as soon as Glenn came back. Waiting any longer to come to a conclusion regarding Owen was not an option. Jesus added, “We moved Negan out of the cellar and put him in the house under guard.”

       Beth’s eyebrows raised. That was new to her, but she guessed it was wise not having Negan near Owen.

       “Owen isn’t the only one we need to talk about punishing,” Glenn spoke up.

       Beth turned to Glenn, a disbelieving look melting her features, “Is he bein’ punished for savin’ my life?” She understood the hatred towards Negan. She really did, but Beth refused to let him get punished for this of all things.

       Glenn’s voice was voice cold and emotionless, like he as reciting from a drilling manual “He nearly killed someone who lived here. We can’t just let that go unpunished. He’s a prisoner not a citizen.”

       “That’s bullshit,” Beth replied bluntly, before anyone could step in, “I was the one who ripped out a chunk of his neck. That’s what almost killed him. Not Negan knockin’ him unconscious. Are ya sayin’ I should be punished?”

       “No, of course not,” Glenn answered genuinely, the cold edge melting away if only slightly, “But he did break the rules.”

       Daryl’s rough voice filled the room, “He ain’t the one breakin’ the rules. Any one’a us woulda done the same. Probably woulda been dead if it was. Negan ain’t the problem.” Beth never thought she’d hear those words come out of Daryl Dixon’s mouth. She was sometimes convinced he hated Negan more to make up for the both of them, which only made his words more apparent. Everyone knew he despised Negan, but Daryl was still defending him because Negan had defended her. And Beth couldn’t be more grateful he had her back no matter what.

       “They’re right,” Maggie said, “Owen is the pressin’ problem.” Glenn glanced over at Maggie, a sharp look in his eyes, but she ignored him.

       Her sister stood taller, addressing the room like the leader she was, “The Whisperers set off a tickin’ time bomb within our walls. People at Hilltop need to know the punishment fits the crime. This can’t happen again.”

       “There aren’t many options,” Rosita said, leaning up against one of the bookcases, “You can exile him, relocate him, or execute him.”

       Mika piped up, a nervous edge to her tone, “Why can’t you just keep him locked up? Like Negan. Maybe he can change…”

       “The way he was talkin’,” Rick shook his head, answering Mika, genuinely, “Not sure he’s someone worth keepin’ around.”

       Maggie turned towards her, “What do you think, Bethie?”

       Beth subconsciously crossed her hands over her stomach, shielding her baby, “I don’t know. Exilin’ him could be…dangerous. He knows too much ‘bout Hilltop. Can’t risk him givin’ that kinda information to Alpha. But executin’ him isn’t right either. He’s tryin’ to make his sister’s death make sense. An’ I know it’s not an excuse, but…think it should be considered.”

       Carl scoffed, not at her but at the notion, “People in this room have been through worse and never tried to kill a pregnant woman.”

       “Carl—” Mika started, hand grabbing his forearm.

       “No, I’m serious. It doesn’t make it alright.”

       Jesus’s calm voice floated through the room, “What does it say about us if we imprison a man who’s killed many of us, but execute one who only attempted?”

       “Only?” Daryl growled, shifting behind her. Beth grabbed onto his hand before he could move. She cringed inwardly at Jesus’s question. He was right, but he was leaving out one very important thing. She was the reason Negan was still alive. If she hadn’t all but declared him to be left to rot, he would be dead right now. Maybe, this decision wouldn’t carry as much weight if things had gone differently.

       “He’s right,” Michonne said, quietly, “We as a people and as a community have developed past barbaric executions. We have the resources and the manpower to imprison him. We can’t keep taking steps back when we’ve come so far.”

       “We’re under attack,” Glenn stated sharply, “The Whisperers won’t show mercy. As far as I’m concerned, if you’re not one of us, you’re one of them. People don’t feel safe. They need us to make them feel safe. So, no exceptions.”

       Beth’s heart dropped.

       Maggie started, “Glenn—"

       He shook his head, “No, you said it, Maggie. People at Hilltop need to know the punishment fits the crime. We need to send a clear message to everyone who might sympathize with Owen.”

       The Glenn standing in front of them was not the Glenn she knew. He was a ghost. A vengeful, angry one. Her heart shattered into a million pieces to see the vacant stare in his eyes.

       “We might open up a door we can’t close again,” Michonne said just as strongly.

       Rosita shrugged, but it seemed everything but casual, “He chose to do what he did. Now, he’s gotta deal with the consequences.”

       They could go around and around in circles all day. Beth understood both sides. She wouldn’t lie to herself and say she didn’t want Owen dead, but the strong morals her daddy instilled in her shrieked. Owen was sick. He needed help. He may have tried to kill her, but he hadn’t. Did that justify killing someone? Maybe, before, but they were rebuilding civilization and civilization needed rules.

       Maggie was staring at Glenn like she didn’t recognize him. A sharp pain pierced into her ribs seeing that kind of hurt on Maggie’s face. It reminded Beth so much of the look she saw so often on Daryl’s face after she came back from Sanctuary. Her sister looked around the room, “I’m gonna need some time to consider. I’ll make my decision by the end’a the day.”

       The tension filling the room at Glenn’s declaration and Maggie’s dismissal was enough to clear the room sooner rather than later. Daryl helped her up from the chair, giving her his arm. As they entered the foyer, her eyes drifted up the staircase to see Diane standing guard outside one of the rooms.

       Beth squeezed Daryl’s forearm, “Can ya help me upstairs?” Apprehension filled his eyes as he glanced between her and the guarded room. So, she turned towards him fully, “Come with me, please…” It was an offer to keep her company, but also a compromise to quell his fears. When she couldn’t stand not being able to see him, Daryl did everything he could to make it better for her. To compromise when he could so she could be near him. She wanted to do the same for him now, especially after what happened with Owen.

       “Alright,” he answered, gruffly. Beth knew he didn’t like her talking to Negan. She did her best to avoid it herself, but sometimes it was necessary. She often wondered how different her life would’ve been if she had killed him. Wondered if she would’ve died alongside him that day in the Clariaxel Tire Shop parking lot. Guess she would never know.

       Daryl helped her up the stairs, slowly. Her ribs, shoulder, and hip on the right side of her body ached, but it wasn’t unbearable. When they got to the door, Diane stepped aside immediately, nodding at them both. Beth smiled at her, warmly as Daryl opened the door in front of her.

       Beth walked through the threshold, her eyes scanning the room. Negan stood up from the bed, his wrists and ankles bound. The color had returned to his face after spending a night in the house rather than his dank, cold cell. Even with his ankles bound, he took a couple steps towards her. Negan’s eyes jumped from Daryl to her as a flash of relief crossed his face.

       “You’re alright?” Negan asked, sincerely.

       She nodded with a dip of her chin, “An’ the baby too.”

       His eyes squeezed shut briefly before they opened, a deep sigh leaving his body, “Good. That’s good, Beth.”

       Daryl was at her back, steadying her. His hand lightly rested on her lower back, close to her hip. His gaze held on the side of her face, ever the watchful eye, waiting for any sign she needed to sit down. It soothed her. Calmed her. Brought her peace.

       Beth stepped forward, standing up tall as she said, “Thank you.” The words didn’t get caught in her throat like she thought they would. Instead, they flowed and settled between her and Negan. Not forced or difficult, but relieving.

       Surprise raised Negan’s eyebrows, his eyes darting to Daryl, like he was checking he heard that too, before landing back on her, “Ya did all the work. I just made sure he didn’t get back up again.”

       She shrugged, “Still coulda been a lot worse if ya hadn’t gotten outta the cell when ya did.”

       “Is the prick dead?”

       Beth opened her mouth to give the simple answer to a complicated question, but Daryl’s voice rumbled behind her, “Should be.” She shivered at the power behind his words. The way they resonated with such conviction made her stomach flip. Beth couldn’t tell if it was a threat or a promise, but the latter seemed more likely.

       The corner of Negan’s lips upturned slightly, “Can’t say I disagree with you.”

       “Now ya got morals?” Daryl replied with disdain.

       Negan hummed, “If you wanna play deaf, dumb, and blind, go right ahead, but they’ve always been there.”

       A giggle rose up in her chest and burst from her mouth. Her hand clamped down over her mouth, but it was too late. She glanced at Daryl, who was staring down at her like she’d grown two heads. It only made her laugh more. Daryl’s blue eyes softened slightly as he watched her laugh even in the most bizarre circumstance.

       Eventually, she quieted enough to explain, “Ya’ll are fightin’ over morals when ya both agree the moral thing to do is killin’ someone. When ya think ‘bout it, it’s…ridiculous. Debatin’ a man dyin’ bein’ moral…” She trailed off.

       “Needa lock ya up too, girl?” Daryl grunted, trying to seem like he wasn’t amused by her ramblings.

       She raised her eyebrows at him, a smirk growing on her face that all but said, maybe. When she turned back to Negan, who was unabashedly watching their exchange with amusement, her face became more serious again. She walked over to the chair in the corner of the room and sat down with a huff, “Didn’t just come up here ta thank you.”

       Negan’s head cocked to the side, “No? What a shame?” She could tell he wasn’t surprised.

       “Came to warn you. Whatever decision Maggie decides to make tonight regardin’ Owen, either way people aren’t gonna be happy. An’ I don’t know what that’s gonna mean for you.”

       “Ah,” Negan said, a grin spreading across his face, “You’re sayin’ if she kills him, they could blame me. Wonderin’ why ol’ Owen gets the axe, but the big bad wolf gets to warm your beds. And if she doesn’t, I’m still a scapegoat. Still got your brother-in-law on my ass askin’ himself why I’m still alive in the first place. About sum it up?”

       She nodded, twisting her ring around her finger. Negan looked to Daryl who was still lingering between her and Negan, “And what do you think about all this?”

       Daryl answered without hesitation, “Don’t give’a shit what happens to ya. Ain’t ever gonna change…”

       “But?” Negan prodded with a teasing smile.

       “But,” Daryl nearly growled, “Ain’t gonna deny what ya did. Won’t forget it neither.”

       Negan brought one of his bound hands up to his chest with mock sincerity, “Wow, was that a ‘thank you for savin’ my wife an’ unborn child’ I heard somewhere buried deep in there?”

       Beth could practically hear Daryl rolling his eyes, “Like ya said, she did that shit. Not you.”

       “I was serious ‘bout what I promised,” Beth jumped in before either one of them said anything more, “I’m gonna talk to Glenn. Maggie too. ‘Cause you’re right. We can’t keep waitin’ ‘til Alpha comes back, hopin’ she’ll leave us alone. We already know she won’t. Long as we have Lydia.”

       Daryl crossed his arms over his chest, looking uncomfortable with talking so openly with Negan, but eventually he added, “Gotta start trainin’ as communities. Individually ain’t gonna cut it anymore.”

       A deep chuckle flowed through the room. Beth turned to see Negan actually smiling, “Well, would ya look at that? You all are finally startin’ to get it.”

 

~

 

       Glenn was watching Maggie and Hershel gallop around the pen together. Her sister was holding onto Hershel, who was sitting in the saddle in front of her. His chubby cheeks were red from the cool air and his wide smile. Beth leaned against the wooden pen next to Glenn, who eyed her with contrived curiosity.

       The corner of his lips were downturned slightly as he said, “Maggie told me you and Daryl are having a girl. Congratulations.”

       He sounded like he was fighting to be happy for them, but it was hard to feel anything but grief or nothingness when constantly forced to relive the same nightmare every second of every day. She smiled at him warmly anyhow, “Thank you.” She remembered how it felt for people to treat her normally even though everything was clearly wrong. It was a breath of fresh air for her in those moments.

       The sharp clanks of steel on steel pierced the cool air. Earl was working over time with Alden and Noah to double their weapons inventory. Not just Hilltop’s, but Alexandria and Oceanside too. A war was brewing and they needed to be ready. The constant clanking was just a reminder of what they’d have to face come Spring.

       Glenn’s emotionless tone filled the space between them, “Maggie’s already decided.” Beth nodded, not surprised. At the end of the meeting, Maggie’s mind seemed to already be made up. “We’re gonna relocate him. Alexandria or Oceanside, whichever will take him as a prisoner. I volunteered to take him to Oceanside myself.”

       “But?” Beth pushed, sensing more.

       “But Maggie knows he probably wouldn’t make it there if I took him. She’s smart. She doesn’t trust me.”

       Beth did her best not to react, but it was hard when she didn’t recognize the person standing in front of her. Someone else was wearing her brother’s face, pretending to be him. And she didn’t know what to do except be honest.

       “Yes, she does, Glenn,” Beth replied, adamantly, “She loves you. Trusts ya more than anyone. You know that.” Instead of backing down and playing it safe like she normally would, Beth pushed, just like Daryl had done for her, “She just doesn’t recognize ya right now.”

       Glenn’s head snapped towards her, his eyes finally leaving Maggie and Hershel still trotting around the ring. She expected to see anger on Glenn’s face, maybe irritation, but all she saw was uneasiness. Glenn was still her brother. Still her family. He always would be no matter what. And he needed help. He needed the truth.

       “I hurt a lot of people after I came back from Sanctuary. Maggie, Judith, Deanna, but Daryl most of all. I’ll never forgive myself for what I put him through. I knew I was doin’ it, but I couldn’t stop it. Like I was standin’ outside my body an’ watchin’ it all happen.”

       Glenn stayed quiet.

       “Everythin’ I did was to keep it all out. Bein’ angry was easier than feelin’ that kinda hurt. Everyone I loved suffered ‘cause of me. Couldn’t begin to forgive myself ‘til I let it in. I heard ‘em all the time. Heard ‘em dyin’ over an’ over again. Heard Negan’s voice. It never stopped. Sleepin’ only made it worse.”

       Tears stung her eyes as she watched Glenn turn into a ghost. He was pale and shellshocked. The words that came out of his mouth were hollow like he’d said them a million times and was resorting to them now because he had nothing left, “You don’t know what I went through.”

       She grabbed onto Glenn’s hand, hard, “I know. You’re right. I don’t. Nobody does. But I do know, you’re not alone. This isn’t your fault. None’a it is. Ya gotta find some way to believe it, ‘cause it’s true. There was nothin’ ya could’ve done. Just ‘cause they’re not here anymore doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be. We keep livin’ for them.”

       His eyes were distant when he replied, “Wanna know what the worst part is?” Suddenly and all at once, the crushing weight of his broken gaze focused in on her. And it violently stole the breath from her lungs, leaving them burning. Beth could see all the anguish and pain in his eyes, his body, like she was flipping through pictures spread before her. “Hershel. I can tell he’s scared of me.”

       Beth’s heart shattered into a million pieces, but the fact he was admitting something true meant the dam had cracked. She held onto Glenn’s hand even as his head dipped, “He’s still a kid. He doesn’t understand, but he will. You’re still his dad an’ he loves you no matter what.” Beth tried to reassure him, but none of this was something she could fix. Glenn had to make that journey on his own, but she knew Maggie and Hershel would be waiting for him on the other side.

       Glenn was angry, but he wouldn’t be for long. When he was finished pushing everyone away, they would all be there to catch him before he free fell into his pain. Once he let himself feel it, that’s when the true healing began. For now, Glenn needed to be angry.

 

~

 

       “How did ya do it?”

       Maggie’s trembling voice ripped Daryl from his stupor. One second, he was watching Beth talk to Glenn over by the horse pen, not even trying to act like he wasn’t. The next, his eyes trailed her until she made it safely back into the house. Somehow in that time, the sun had started to set. And all he wanted was to be with his wife. Tension coiled his entire body when she wasn’t within his sights. The bruises he knew were under her clothes filled his mind with tones of purple, green, and yellow. It was a reminder of all the shit that could happen.

       The only reason Owen wasn’t already dead was because Beth asked to keep him alive, but now they had the information needed and he couldn’t see a point. Logically he knew, but those reasons didn’t matter to him. All he cared about was Beth and she’d been hurt. That was reason enough for Owen to be dead.

       His rambling thoughts got louder when Beth wasn’t around to quell them, which led him to smoking his last cigarette. He’d been lost in the dying noises of Hilltop, when he heard Maggie’s low voice call out to him. The wood of the picnic table groaned underneath him as he shifted and turned towards her, a distraught look marring her features.

       She was off to his left, looking at him like he was her last hope. The way her shoulders were rolled forward told him enough about the weight she was carrying on her shoulders. Gone was the leader he’d watched grow within her. The woman standing in front of him was on the verge of breaking. Daryl sat up, softening his voice, “What?”

       The edges of her eyes crinkled, eyebrows furrowing in the middle like she was trying to stop herself from crying, “With Beth…when she came back different after Negan?”

       It finally dawned on him what she was asking. Daryl stood up, glancing around at the dwindling number of people still lingering outside. Even if there weren’t many, he didn’t want anyone seeing Maggie like this, so he angled himself to block anyone’s view of her.

       Daryl wasn’t sure he had the answer she was looking for, but being honest was the only option he had, “Nothin’. I had ta do nothin’. Couldn’t make her wanna fight…”

       Maggie’s eyes frantically darted around his face, “What was she like?”

       He was ripped back to a time he wanted to forget, “She wasn’t Beth. Distant. Cold. Doin’ everythin’ she could ta feel nothin’.”

       “An’ ya did nothin’?” she questioned. It wasn’t an accusation. The question was full of desperation for anything to grasp onto.

       But Daryl still bowed his head in shame before answering, “What happened between me an’ Beth almost killed us both. Pulled away, knowin’ the only thing I was doin’ was makin’ it worse.”

       Maggie let out a shaking breath, “An’ she got better after that?”

       “Forced her ta feel it,” Daryl murmured, avoiding the question somewhat, “An’ that was’a start.”

       Her lips started to tremble, “Tell me what to do, Daryl. ‘Cause I can’t keep livin’ like this. I…I don’t know what to do.” The crack in her voice punched him in the gut and dislodged flickers of a memory. It flashed in his mind, a young Maggie coming out of the prison covered in blood, holding baby Judith.

       Daryl didn’t know what to say. He was never good with words, but he knew one thing to be true, “You’re both gonna be alright.” He offered it up with sincerity, not willing to tell her the full truth. It was going to get worse before it got better. He couldn’t tell her what to do or how to move forward. All he knew was they would get through it just like him and Beth did.

       Maggie rocked forward, wrapping her arms around him. Daryl embraced her, letting her feel everything she needed to. He tried to transfer his strength to her because he knew what it felt like to watch the person he loved deteriorate from the inside out. Like he said, it nearly killed him.

 

~

 

       "Daryl?" Beth asked in the quiet of their room, finally alone. Hilltop didn’t have much of anything to spare. Beth was fine with sleeping in the infirmary and so was Daryl, but Maggie and Glenn insisted she stay in their room for the night. She argued with her sister for nearly an hour, before Maggie practically locked her and Daryl in their room on the second floor of the house.

       "Hm?" He hummed, watching her intently as she crawled up the bed towards him. His shirt was off, but he still had his pants on. Nowadays, that was a good sign. Beth knew if he came to bed with all his clothes on, he was going to have a rough night.

       His knees were bent up as he rested against the wall behind the bed. Beth nestled her way between his legs, turning her back to him so he had access to her hair. She hesitantly held a hair band over her shoulder, "Will ya?"

       Daryl's fingers grazed her arm when he grabbed it, but he didn't start braiding her hair immediately. "How bad?"

       Her breath hitched in her chest. The ghost of Owen's hands around her throat throbbed now everything had gone quiet. Beth swallowed, her voice coming out thick, "It'll pass." She knew it would, but right now, it brought back memories she preferred to forget.

       The muscles in Daryl's thighs shifted at her answer, but he started gathering the hair at the nape of her neck. His warm hands brushed her neck and back as he began to braid. The familiar feeling had her body relaxing into his touch, her head falling back at the gentle tug of his hands. A quiet sigh of satisfaction passed her lips.

       Daryl tied off her braid and pulled her back against his chest. His lips grazed the crook of her jaw, trailing until he settled below her ear. When his lips hesitantly connected with her neck, she grabbed onto his thigh instinctually. Daryl paused and pulled away, but she shook her head, "No. Keep goin'."

       "Don't wanna hurt ya," he whispered, his voice making her body tingle. Beth knew he wasn't talking about physical pain, but mental pain. Emotional. He didn't want her to relive the pain.

       "You're not. I'll tell ya to stop if it gets too much," Beth promised. She wanted to push past it, not willing to let it fester into another invisible open wound. So, she'd replace the bad with the good until it stopped hurting.

       Daryl grunted in confirmation and his mouth found her neck again. She tensed up automatically, fingers tightening around his thigh. He paused, but didn't withdrawal. He waited a few seconds, then continued his path to the crook of her shoulder.

       Daryl was safe. He was home. He was safe. He loved her. He’s kind. He’s gentle. He’s safe.

       Beth repeated the mantra in her head, trying to fill up her brain with all the positive love she had for the man behind her. She forced her brain to forget about Owen. About the Wolf. About the Savior. Instead, she just let herself feel.

       Eventually, her body started to relax, her brain finally recognizing Daryl as a comfort and not an enemy. The phantom pain of Owen's hands slowly, but surely faded. Beth melted against him, tilting her head to make it easier for him to reach her. When he was finished with one side, he started on the other, but this time Beth was much more relaxed.

       His hands rubbed soothing circles on different areas of her body. Her mind tried to fight. Tried to remind her of all the bad, but Daryl chased it away with his hands and lips. When she let out a satisfied sigh, he pulled away letting her rest in the newfound bliss he gave her. He kissed her temple for good measure, wrapping her up tighter in his arms.

       “Better?” He asked.

       Beth hummed, practically putty against him, “Yes.” She sat up slightly, hitting the resistance of his arms, and turned to face him. Her mouth molded to his, pouring all her gratitude into him. His hand found her face, brushing his thumb of her cheek. Sometimes it still astounded her how gentle and patient he could be.

       She settled back against his chest, one of his hands resting on her stomach like he’d been doing for the past few months. Even though it had become normal, it still reminded her how little they got to talk about finding out their baby was a girl. At the time, she was more relieved to hear her baby was healthy. She knew Daryl was too. Beth wasn’t even certain she had time to process it all.

       "Did ya care what we had?" Beth asked curiously and suddenly. Somehow, he caught on to her train of thought without her having to explain.

       Daryl shifted to be able to look at her, "Didn't matter s'long as ya both were alright.”

       She smiled up at him, "You never thought more 'bout one or the other?"

       Daryl looked down at her, his gaze suddenly more intense than it had been a second ago, "Saw 'em both. Long time ago."

       "What?" She asked, breathlessly, knowing full well whatever he was about to say was going to either make her cry or want to kiss him or both.

       "After the Wolves, you were tryin' to teach Asskicker how to walk. Told me ya used to dream 'bout havin' a family like that. I saw 'em. Girl with brown hair an' a voice like yours. An' a blond boy with your eyes."

       Beth stared at Daryl dumbfounded. She remembered that day. Remembered that moment. It was so long ago, when they were still trying to figure out what they were. "I…Daryl, that was before—"

       "I know," he interrupted, "Told myself I wasn't meant ta be a father."

       "You still believe that?" She asked, her thumb brushing over his cheek.

       He took a deep breath and when he let it out, he replied, "No."

       Beth smiled, placing her hand on top of the one he had resting on her stomach, the beautiful life they made together. "Good."

       There was so much behind that one simple word that it became anything but simple. There was so much history and weight behind it that when she gazed up at him, she was sure he felt it all.

Notes:

So, the chapter is titled Two Sides to One Coin because of the two scenes between Beth and Glenn, and Maggie and Daryl. They mirror each other, recognizing they are two sides to the same coin. Going through the same things.

We start with a Rick POV, which I haven't done in a while and I was very excited to finally get back to it. Rick does the Owen interrogation for obvious reason, given Daryl probably would've killed him... Rick's main concern is trying to figure our if Owen was working alone or his "plan" involved others. Then, we get a really sweet scene between him and Daryl and I have to say, writing the two of them together always warms my heart. I need to do it more often.

Then, we get a sort of Hilltop "council" scene. There's a really interesting debate here about what to do with Owen, especially when the whole Negan thing is thrown in there. Morally, killing Owen wouldn't be right, but emotions are high and different people have been through different things causing them to react accordingly. It's an interesting conundrum that I believe Maggie handles really well. Remember this is a very different Maggie than the one on the show. In the show, she killed Gregory for doing the same thing Owen did, but in this story she hasn't suffered nearly as much loss and heartache. She's a strong leader, but she's more...lenient?

However, Glenn is not. Glenn is fully in a mode of black or white. If you aren't with them, then you're against them type of thing. He's boiling everything down to anger because that's all he can handle right now. It comes from a good place. He wants to desperately protect the people he loves, but feels like everything is out of his control. The conversation between Beth and Glenn is similar to the conversation Beth had with Rick back when she was struggling. It's the first crack in the dam.

And the conversation between Daryl and Maggie was also really cool to write. Maggie is at a breaking point. She doesn't know what to do about Glenn and Daryl's basically telling her she really can't do anything. It's an incredibly sad realization. I really wanted to add this scene to parallel with Beth and Glenn's. Plus, I haven't written Daryl and Maggie in a long time and I love writing them.

Also, there's a fun scene between Beth, Negan, and Daryl, which I found very amusing to write. I will let you guys gather what you will and interpret that scene how you like. There's definitely an interesting dynamic between the 3 of them that's endlessly fun to write lol.

Finally, we end with some much needed fluff. If you guys are wondering what chapter that scene Daryl is referencing when he's talking about the kids he imagined, it's in chapter 16: Fleeting Glimpse. This scene was important in many ways to show old trauma comes back and needs to be worked through. It doesn't just disappear. Another reason is I wanted to show Beth and Daryl's affection NOT leading to sex, because I think it's important to be able to have physical affection and touch without the potential pressure of anything else. Then, also of course, the conversation about the gender of their baby and Daryl confirming he believes he can be a good father. THE GROWTH lol!

Anyways, all the love and I can't wait to hear what you think <3

Chapter 67: Twin Flames

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I have a shorter, but still very interesting chapter for you today full of fluff and angst :)

This chapter was a lot of fun to write, but also weirdly stressful? It simultaneously feels risky, but also not. I don't know...I'm feeling some type of way about this chapter, but I'm still excited to hear all your thoughts.

All the love and thank you all so much <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive
*If you guys have any song recommendations that you think fit this story, please let me know! I'd love to hear them and potentially add them in*

       The salt air rapidly weaved its way through the trees, cooling the sweat dripping between her shoulder blades even in the shade of the awning. Wind chimes rang steadily off in the distance like a never-ending melody. Light chatter around her provided a cocoon of assumed safety, but the knives on her hips, rare gun at her thigh, and her bow resting against the wooden table were all reminders. They were never safe. She was never safe.

       Mika and Lydia helped her spread the knotted fishing net across the table. Beth carefully avoided hitting her protruding stomach as she threw the net like a sheet over a bed. The ache in her feet and back were something else. Maggie always complained about her cramps and cravings while she was pregnant, but Beth hadn’t experienced much of the former and her food cravings had come and gone pretty sporadically.

       Her ache for Daryl, however…that never quite went away. Even though it had become difficult to move efficiently on her best days, Daryl found every way under the sun to help relieve her of that ache. Her changing body was a big adjustment. She spent most of her life being small and quick. Now, neither of those things were true.

       She was sad to admit she wasted too much time feeling insecure about her new body. It wasn’t a new feeling, but it was wholly different than any of the other times she felt insecure. The nagging feeling was long gone now, but it reared its head sometimes on her bad days. However, Daryl chased it away without making her feel stupid for feeling insecure in the first place. And it was hard to deny what he was saying when she could see the evidence of his love and attraction right in front of her.

       Instead of letting just his actions and body do all the talking, he whispered to her how beautiful she was. How much he wanted her all the time. How he could never get her out of his head. How it drove him crazy when another man looked at her too long. Daryl wasn’t an inherently jealous person. He trusted her and she trusted him, but Beth wouldn’t lie and say it didn’t help quell a lot of her new insecurity when he told her how jealous he’d been since she got pregnant. He rarely acted on it, knowing it was unfounded, but it still made her blush just thinking about it. Sometimes she wondered if he exaggerated it for her benefit, but it didn’t matter to her either way.

       After a couple months of him constantly reminding her and showing her how much he loved her no matter what, her insecurities started to fade. Now, she spent most of her time trying not to wince from the constant ache in her back and feet. The further along in her pregnancy she got, the less she was able to do. It was a rough transition to suddenly have to ask for help with things she’d always been able to do on her own.

       Of course, Daryl noticed her stubbornness when it came to asking for help. Suddenly, one day, Lydia and Mika were at her side from almost morning until night. They switched out shifts, thinking they were being discrete. At first, Beth hadn’t noticed their increased presence, but eventually, she started catching on. That’s when she figured out what was really going on. She still smiled thinking about the conversation:

 

       “Okay, you two’ve been glued ta me for weeks. What’s goin’ on?” Beth swiped a fallen piece of hair out of her face as she sat back on her knees. The basket next to her was full of freshly dug up carrots, her gardening gloves covered in dirt.

       Lydia was training with her new wooden staff just behind her, but close enough to be able to hear her question. Mika was kneeling a row over, collecting cabbage. Her crossbow was slung over her shoulder still, which was unusual. Mika didn’t equip her crossbow unless she was leaving Alexandria’s walls or taking up a watch shift. Beth would have understood if the change in behavior correlated with what happened with the Whisperers, but this was a recent development. Whenever she was with Beth, her crossbow came with.

       The whooshing of Lydia’s staff halted and Mika’s eyes darted over Beth’s head to look at her. A guilty expression painted Mika’s face and that’s when Beth knew something more was going on. Lydia walked forward, digging her staff into the ground so she could lean on it.

       Beth sighed with a warm smile, “I’m not nearly interestin’ enough for ya’ll to be hangin’ around me this much. So, what’s goin’ on?”

       “We’re worried about you,” Mika confessed, “We don’t want you to be alone and we know you’re like a badass, but some extra help never hurts.”

       Beth snorted, “Badass huh?” She kept her eyes on Mika, because the sweet girl couldn’t lie to save her life. Lydia on the other hand could hide her emotions very well. Beth tilted her head towards Mika, whose shoulders started slumping under the weight of her gaze, “Anythin’ else?”

       Mika glanced to Lydia for help, but eventually a defeated look crossed her face, “I’m not lying. We are worried about you, but Daryl asked us to help you when you needed it. And I guess Lydia and I just took it a bit too far…”

       Beth finally glanced at Lydia. Her body was closed off, all emotion wiped from her face. Beth knew it was a defense mechanism she used when she was uncomfortable or afraid. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion at her reaction, but she asked the question on the tip of her tongue anyways, “Daryl asked you all to help me out?”

       Lydia nodded, “He wasn’t doing it behind your back. He asked during our training a couple weeks ago ‘cause he was going out to hunt.”

       “We just never stopped,” Mika added quickly.

       “Hm,” Beth hummed with a smile, “Guess he knows me pretty well then.”

       “You’re not mad?” Lydia asked, her eyes darting around her face with relief and maybe a little disbelief.

       “Why would I be mad?” Beth asked gently, “You’re keepin’ me company an’ I’d never complain ‘bout that.”

       “And you’re not angry at Daryl?” Lydia asked quietly.

       Beth’s eyebrows furrowed at that, but then she understood. Lydia had been trying to protect Daryl, thinking he’d gone behind her back or was in some way trying to undermine her strength. It was exactly the type of logic Alpha would’ve tried to instill in her. That asking for help meant weakness and other’s thinking help was necessary was also weakness. Her heart squeezed in the clasp of the realization.

       Beth smiled regardless, standing up so she could fully face Lydia, “Of course not. He wants us all to be safe. He trusts you.”

       Mika sprung up from the ground suddenly, almost toppling over her bag of harvested cabbage, “Daryl’s back!” The girl dumped her crossbow on the ground near Beth’s feet and all but ran over to the front gates of Alexandria. She yelled over her shoulder, “Come on, Lydia!”

       Beth beamed, an immense warmth filling her heart and soul. Head to toe. Nothing made her happier to know Daryl was back safe from a run, but seeing Mika’s excitement to see him brought her so much joy. When Beth caught sight of Mika hugging him, she turned back to Lydia and saw a brightness in her eyes.

       “Everythin’ alright?” Beth asked, “No more wonderin’ if I’m mad.” She added, keeping her features soft and voice gentle.

       Lydia stepped towards her hesitantly, but she suddenly, wrapped her arms around Beth. She tried to keep her surprise to herself as Lydia’s head fell to her shoulder. When the girl pulled away, she answered, “I’m alright.”

       Lydia turned and walked towards Mika and Daryl, leaving Beth speechless.

 

       Beth was beyond grateful. Not just for the help, but for the doors it opened between her and Lydia. Daryl knew what she needed and knew she was too stubborn to ask herself, so he rectified it. She knew it wasn’t just for her either. It was a compromise. Daryl couldn’t always be by her side as much as he’d like to be, so he entrusted her safety to two people he loved and trusted. And Beth made sure to tell Daryl how much it meant to Lydia and Mika that he trusted them like that.

       When they were in the confines of Alexandria it was different. Daryl had an easier time leaving her side when he knew she was safely behind walls, but when they were somewhere else, like Hilltop, Oceanside, or out on the road, all bets were off. It’s why Mika and Lydia had been glued to her side while they’d been at Oceanside for the past week.

       “Ya’ll shoulda gone ta train with Daryl an’ the others. I’m fine here,” Beth said as she worked on unknotting a corner of the fishing net.

       “We’ve gone everyday except this one,” Mika replied, “They can do one day without us. We know the calls and the configurations by heart now. Killin’ more walkers won’t change that.”

       Beth sighed, more out of labored breathing from the heat than anything, “You an’ I both know bein’ against somethin’ or someone is a lot different than just practicin’ like ya are.”

       “Henry said they’ve got enough walkers for a run today and tomorrow,” Lydia added, flipping the net over to work on a knot from the other side. Her staff was strapped to her back, occasionally bumping the table they were working around.

       “We’ll make sure to go tomorrow,” Mika added.

       Beth grinned to herself, noticing the deep bond shining between Mika and Lydia. They worked well together. Balanced each other out. Mika was an idealist, a dreamer that still believed the best in others. Despite everything she’d been through, she still found it in herself to trust the kindness of strangers. She believed people could change for the better, like Negan. Beth remembered the first time she found out Mika visited Negan when they went to Hilltop. Carol, Daryl, and Carl all almost had an aneurysm.

       Beth understood on a deep level why Mika needed to talk to Negan. It was intrinsically buried in them all. She needed to understand. Needed to know why. At first, Beth thought their talks would turn Mika’s views on people sour, but it did the opposite. Mika saw a change in him and it only solidified what she already believed: people could change and be better if they chose to do it. Just like Beth and Negan, Mika and him bonded over the truth, but a part of Beth knew Negan appreciated debating with a pure optimist like Mika. She was all grown up, but parts of her child-like innocence stayed intact because she fought for it to be there.

       Mika wasn’t naïve. She chose to hold on to those parts of herself, refusing to let them die.

       On the other side of the scales was Lydia. She was a realist, sometimes even a pessimist. Lydia expected danger around every corner. Expected the worst in people. No one could blame her. That type of mindset kept her alive all these years. Lydia was mature in many ways Mika was not. And vice versa. However, when Lydia finally let herself trust, she was fiercely loyal. Nothing could ever get her to sway.

       Lydia grounded Mika. And Mika uplifted Lydia. The trust between the two of them was strong and the connection even stronger. They were twin flames. Ying and yang. Everything in equal measure.

       “Plus, who’s gonna keep you company while we’re gone?” Mika said through a grin.

       Beth made a show of looking around a bustling Oceanside, “Makin’ me sound like I can’t hold’a conversation that’s not with you two. I’m not completely useless. Still got’a month to go.”

       “Or…” Mika drawled out, “You could just be doin’ us a favor if you think about it. Gettin’ us out of training in the hot, beating sun.”

       Beth snorted, “Yeah, right. You love trainin’ more than anyone I know. Once Carol got ya into it, you were’a goner.”

       Mika shrugged, “Fine, Lydia then.”

       Beth shook her head, lowering her voice, “Think Henry would beg ta differ.”

       A blush rose on Lydia’s cheeks at the call out. Lydia liked to train because she got to do it with Henry. It was no secret. The two of them couldn’t keep their eyes off each other. They were drawn to each other like magnets. Beth didn’t think anything major was happening between them, but she kept an eye on it, just in case. Henry was a sweet kid. Ezekiel and Carol raised him right. She knew he’d rather cut his own arm off before hurting Lydia, but that didn’t mean Beth’s protectiveness just went away.

        Daryl, on the other hand, was a different story. He was protective of Lydia in the same way he was when he first found out about Mika and Carl. When Daryl took someone into his heart, he took all of them. He didn’t just want to keep Lydia physically safe, but also emotionally and mentally. And all of that included keeping her from getting her heart broken.

       Lydia’s lips pinched together, trying to hide a grin, “I train because I have to.”

       Mika and Beth both hummed in unison. When Mika glanced over at Lydia, she had a mischievous smile on her face, “You should’ve seen Beth and Daryl before they got together. It took ‘em forever.”

       Beth’s eyebrows flew up, her head cocking accusatorily at Mika, “Sorry we kept ya waitin’…” Sarcasm dripped from her tone, making both of them giggle.

       She didn’t mind the conversation shifting to her and Daryl. Lydia was still uncomfortable with the majority of the attention being on her, especially when it was about Henry. In fact, it was good on Mika for changing the subject and recognizing her discomfort. Twin flames, like she said.

       “Did you guys know each other before?” Lydia asked, curiously.

        Beth shook her head, opening her mouth to answer, but a familiar rough voice got there first, “Nah, but she likes ta say we woulda.” Daryl walked over to them, eyes still on her. There was a faint glimmer in them. Beth swore she could see another world where the dead never rose and they met under normal circumstances. Or as normal as the two of them meeting could be.

       The wooden table groaned and Beth turned to see Mika resting her elbows on it with her hands underneath her chin. Her eyes darted between Daryl and Beth with an exaggerated grin on her face. The girl was ogling them like zoo animals, feigned sparkling wonder in her eyes.

       Beth rolled her eyes, good-naturedly, “You’ve got too much time on your hands. Should start makin’ ya help Jules an’ Rachel in the kitchen…With the fish.”

       Mika’s nose wrinkled as she stood up straight, “You wouldn’t…”

       “Try me,” Beth smiled, saccharinely. Daryl grunted, one that sounded more like a laugh than anything.

       The girl’s head suddenly angled to the side, like she was straining to hear something, “Do you hear that? I think that’s my mom callin’ me and Lydia.” Carol was no where to be seen, probably still making her way back from fishing for tonight’s dinner.

       Beth tried to hide her grin, when Daryl said, “Ask her when her daughter became such’a smartass.”

       “Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…” Mika said quietly, but pointedly looked at Daryl. Beth did her very best not to laugh, but the look that crossed Daryl’s face was simultaneously proud and also pissed off. However, underneath it all, it was just another confirmation that Mika believed Daryl was a formative person in her life. Someone who raised and cared for her. He was a father to her.

       Beth whispered to Mika, who was still trying to access if she pushed Daryl too far, “Think that look means you’re grounded.”

       Her already big eyes widened in panic, “I was jokin’—”

       Daryl gruffly interrupted, “Best start hikin’ to the kitchen.” He leaned up against one of the wood posts holding up the awning, his eyes narrowed at Mika, but anyone could see the amusement swimming in them.

       Mika’s shoulders sagged in relief, but a feigned pout fell on her lips. She grabbed her crossbow and Lydia’s hand before turning on her heels to do what Daryl said. However, before she could get too far, Beth shouted at them both, “Hey, aren’t ya forgettin’ somethin’?”

       She beckoned with her hand and they both jogged back towards her. Mika enthusiastically wrapped her arms around Beth, careful to avoid uncomfortably squishing her stomach. Lydia slid into her side briefly before pulling away. Instead of turning away like she assumed, Mika walked straight up to Daryl and paused in front of him.

       The corner of his lip quirked up at the way she was silently asking for permission to hug him. Daryl dipped his chin and without hesitation, Mika wrapped her arms around his middle. One of Daryl’s arms went around her shoulders. Images flashed in her mind of him hugging their daughter as Mika backed up and made space for Lydia, who looked a lot more hesitant than she did previously.

       But despite her body’s uncertainty, she folded into him, almost melting. Tears sprung into Beth’s eyes at the way Lydia squeezed her eyes shut, like she was trying to memorize the moment. Somehow, there was no longer a sixteen-year-old girl standing in Daryl’s arms, but an eight-year-old who missed her father. The one Alpha took from her.

       Daryl must have sensed the emotion behind the charged moment, because he only let go when Lydia took a step back. Nothing else was said. Lydia’s hands were wringing in front of her, head bowed, but Mika took her hand again, pulling her out of whatever spiral she was getting ready to dive into.

       And they disappeared further into Oceanside together.

       Beth shook her head with a faint smile, a hand falling to rest on top of her stomach, “Those two’re gonna be trouble.”

       Daryl huffed, “Already are.”

       She closed the distance between them, practically waddling her way over because her back and feet were screaming at her to sit down, “How was trainin’?”

       His arms slid around her like it was second nature, “Better. Got ‘nough walkers for another run tomorrow, but they’re drawin’ more in with how much noise they’re makin’.”

       “Better take care’a them tomorrow then,” Beth replied, turning her body so she could rest her head on his chest.

       The minute she slumped against him; her exhaustion barreled into her ten times harder. Daryl must have felt her shift, because he readjusted to take the brunt of her weight, which gave her feet a break. His fingers haphazardly ran through her ponytail, “You alright?”

       She hummed in affirmation, but talking became too cumbersome all of a sudden.

       “Daryl! Beth!”

       Both their heads snapped up and towards the sound. Rick and Michonne were stalking across Oceanside with grave looks of their faces. Judith and RJ were between them, practically running to keep up with their parents. For a brief moment, they reminded her of ducklings hobbling after their parents. Rick’s lips were thinned out and his shoulders were tense. Dread rose in the back of her throat at the sight.

       The sky itself seemed to darken and the wind started to pick up even more. The once baking sun disappeared, covered by angry clouds. Her hair wiped in the wind obscuring her view momentarily as Rick threw something onto the table in front of her and Daryl.

       Beth was spared a moment of peace before she saw the omen flash before her eyes. Sitting on the table was a mask. A walker mask. Their time was up. The Whisperers were back.

           

~

 

       The small cabin shook with the boom of thunder, torrential downpour lashing the windows and roof. Daryl was mildly concerned the storm would rip the cabin right off the foundation. Rushing water flooded through the gutters and the screened door rattled. He sat up in the twin bed he shared with Beth, carefully making sure not to wake her.

       He’d gotten his couple hours of sleep, now it was a distant memory, even more so as lightning cracked and lit up the room around them. He froze, panic settling in his gut. The little cot bed on the other side of the room was empty. Lydia was nowhere to be seen. She’d been staying with them since they got to Oceanside, or occasionally with Carol and Mika.

       Daryl shot to his feet, unsheathing his knife. He walked over to her bed and ran his hand over the sheets. They were still warm. That’s when he noticed the movement outside the window leading to the screened in porch.

       He crept towards the window when another flash of lightning lit up the porch. Lydia was curled up in the corner, her head resting against her knees. A rush of breath left through his nose as he sheathed his knife, but a bad feeling still settled into his gut. The news of the Whisperers return spread through Oceanside like wildfire. Daryl tried to get to Lydia first so he could tell her himself, but it was too late. The little bit of joy he’d seen in her these past few months was snuffed out in an instant. Seeing the lifeless look overtake her gutted him. Even Mika couldn’t pull her out of it. Not this time.

       Daryl didn’t know what to do or to say, but he knew he had to do something. For half a second, he debated waking Beth, thinking she’d be better at this than him, but he shut that thought down quick. Daryl couldn’t let Lydia drown. Wouldn’t. So, he opened the door and stepped out onto the porch, quick to shut it behind him so he wouldn’t wake Beth.

       Lydia’s head snapped towards him as he approached slowly, lowering himself to the damp ground next to her. It had to be close to the middle of the night now. The thunder part of the storm was letting up, but it was still raining pretty hard. The pattering of the droplets on the roof was loud enough to where he almost didn’t hear Lydia speak. Almost.

       “I used to like storms a lot,” Lydia said, looking out into the drenched landscape laid out in front of them, “They dulled everything. Their power made everything else seem weak…even my mom.”

       Daryl kept quiet, surprised she was talking at all. She’d gone radio silent ever since finding out the news earlier. His shirt and pants clung to him uncomfortably from the humidity and the occasional rain drops getting blown into the screened in porch. He shifted his head to watch her carefully. The darkness was thick, but he could still make out her outline. She was looking straight ahead. He wondered if she was talking to herself more than she was talking to him.

       “My dad used to like storms too. He’d take me out on our front porch so we could watch them together. My mom…she used to hate it. Most of my memories are blurry, but those started comin’ back to me after I startin’ remembering the truth. Some of them are good,” Lydia breathed through a stream of consciousness, her fingers fluttering over the concrete near her feet, like a nervous tick. Daryl filled in the blanks. Some of them were good, but a lot of them weren’t.

       Daryl held his breath, trepidation flipping his stomach, because somehow, he knew what was coming. And there was no way he’d ever be ready to hear it.

       “Before all this, we lived in a small house. Or maybe, it wasn’t even a house. When I was young, I thought it was small ‘cause there weren’t a lot of places to hide. Every mornin’ I’d wake up wonderin’ if it was a hidin’ day or a regular day. Usually, the days my dad was home were…better.”

       “Everything blurs together, but I remember one day so clearly. It was a hidin’ day. I had gone in my mom’s closet to hide thinking it was the last place she’d look. All I had to do was make it until my dad got home. But in my rush to stay hidden, I got caught in the plastic of my mother’s dry cleaning. It got wrapped around my head and I couldn’t breathe. Then, I was screamin’ with my last bit of air, thinking it’d be worth the punishment if I could just breath again. And my mom…I remember seein’ her outline walk into the room. I reached for her, but she just stood there, watching me until I passed out.”

       He was frozen, each detail more horrifying than the last. What was worse was he knew it was just the tip of the iceberg. His stomach rolled, bile finding it’s way to the back of his throat. Alpha sealed her fate with him a long time ago, but this…she deserved to suffer. To bleed. To scream. To burn.

       Now, he understood what Beth meant when she said being a monster and acting like one were two different things. At the time, Daryl couldn’t see the difference. Someone’s actions told him who they were. It didn’t matter if it was an act or not. But now, he understood. Alpha was a monster. He knew that already, but now he understood what Beth was trying to say. There were degrees.

       Lydia finally turned to him, “Beth told me love wasn’t supposed to hurt. Think I get that now.”

       Daryl grew in a sharp breath, her words hitting him like a stab in the chest. Beth taught him the same thing with countless amounts of patience and strength. Taught him her love wasn’t conditional. It was kind and patience and caring. It didn’t hurt. All the breath was ripped from his lungs at the realization that when he looked at Lydia, he was looking in a mirror.

       They were cut from the same cloth. She saw him just like he saw her. When he came out here, he thought Beth would’ve been better suited to deal with this, but it had to be him. He understood that now. Lydia and him shared the same grief. The same pain. The same darkness. His was sheltered and taken care of, but hers was still raging.

       When Daryl finally spoke, it was the only thing he could offer for the years of pain she was forced to endure. “Some people ain’t meant to be parents. World’s never gonna apologize for the fucked-up shit it put ya through. It ain’t fair, but that don’t mean ya can’t make it right. You ain’t alone anymore.”

       Lydia wiped under her eyes and nose, “You know what the worst part is? I still love her. She’s my mom…” Her breathing hitched as a stuttering huff of air left her mouth, shoulders sagging under the physical weight of the confession.

       He was still, letting the confession settle between them. She wouldn’t find any judgement from him. It was easy to think: How could you love a monster like that? How could you love the person who tortured you? But none of this was easy. None of it was simple. No kid should have to answer for the shit their parents did to them. The burden shouldn’t fall on them, but it usually did, because like he said, the world wasn’t fair.

       “You know how this ends?” Daryl asked, softening his voice to not come off accusatory. Lydia nodded into her folded up arms. She was a smart kid. She knew they were going to kill Alpha one way or another, which only added another level of trust and weight to her confession. With tensions so high, he was sure Lydia kept that part of herself buried deep.

       “You think that’ll change anything?”

       “Nah. But it’s a start.” It’s a start for her. A different beginning. Killing Alpha won’t take away the pain. It might even add more, but it was something.

       Lightning streaked across the sky. Far away enough to not hear the thunder, but it still lit up the dark forest in front of them for a brief second. In that brief second, his stomach dropped and he went to grab Lydia and pull her to her feet. Another lightning strike confirmed his fear.

       “Fuck,” he pushed Lydia behind him and towards the door, whispering a command, “Wake Beth an’ stay quiet.”

       Between the trees for as far as he could see were swaying shadows. If he strained his ears enough, listening over the roaring of the wind and rain, he heard them. Walkers. Not just tens, but a horde that could tear through Oceanside.

       It couldn’t be a coincidence. First, a skin mask washed up. Now, a horde was barreling towards them. Then another thought hit him. Where was the warning bell from the lookouts?

       As soon as the thought crossed his mind, yelling erupted from somewhere off in the distance. The horde was on them and the dinner bell had been rung.

Notes:

Well, this chapter had a lot while also having nothing happen at all lol! Truly, this chapter was all about developing and reintroducing you guys to the bond between Beth, Daryl, and Lydia. And Lydia and Mika. There was another couple month time jump, which gets us to about where they were in 10x01. This chapter was supposed to be a lot longer, but I wanted the character interactions to sit and marinate on their own before we dove back into the action.

So, the title of this chapter is Twin Flames. How many of you thought I was referring to Daryl and Beth before reading? Not saying they aren't twin flames themselves, but in this case, I was referring to Lydia and Mika. The both of them are sort of the main event this chapter and for good reason. Their relationship has developed a lot over the last year-ish since they rescued Lydia. Before I started writing the Whisperer arc, I knew I wanted to develop an almost sisterly bond between Mika and Lydia. I wanted Mika to take the place of Henry in a way. Even though I thought Henry and Lydia were cute, I wanted to portray a deeper sisterly, twin flames bond. This spoke to me more as an author than delving into the romance between Henry and Lydia. I wanted Lydia's relationship with Mika to be as important as her relationship with Beth and Daryl.

As I said in the chapter, Mika and Lydia are almost opposites. I have such a fun time writing Mika's playful sassiness. There is this sense of immaturity with her character, but it's more about Mika reclaiming her own childhood rather than it being actual immaturity. She's lighthearted and silly because she's choosing to allow her inner child room to be present. Whereas, Lydia is more serious. I'm not sure she even knows what it means to be a child or have the freedom to be any of the things Mika can be. Which is why I think their characters work so well together.

The scene at the end between Daryl and Lydia was heartbreaking, but also freeing. The story Lydia tells about Alpha is actually from the graphic novels. If you don't know, Alpha was MUCH MUCH MUCH worse in the graphic novels and I decided to weave it into the story somewhat. I don't think I'll ever push it as far as the graphic novels, but I think details like one Lydia describes really shines more light on Alpha's character and Lydia's.

Daryl and Lydia's conversation is reminiscent of the conversations she had with Carol and Negan in the show, but of course, many things in this story are different. When Lydia is yelling at Negan about how she hated her mom in 10x16, I interpreted that scene as Lydia feeling guilty and hating herself for still loving/grieving her mom when she was a literal monster. So, in this story, Lydia feels safe enough to admit her true deeper feelings to Daryl because of how him and Beth have shown up for her time and time again.

For those of you who made it to watching season 10, you'll notice I didn't go for the forest fire angle in this chapter, but a torrential thunderstorm (maybe even a tropical storm). There were a few reasons for that, but we have a similar outcome with the walkers. Welp, guess we'll have to wait and see what happens lol!

All the love and I can't wait to hear your thoughts <3

Chapter 68: Once a Mistake, Twice a Coincidence

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I have an action packed chapter for you all today...and perhaps an emotional one too?

Anyways, I can't wait to hear what you all think of this one! All the love <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       “You’re gonna get through this. Do ya hear me? You’ve been through worse an’ come out the other side. This isn’t any different. Deep breathe.”

       Beth locked her eyes on the torn flesh and muscles. The grooves and indents from the jagged teeth were oddly clean. It was the cleanest bite she’d ever seen, but it was still a bite. Beth felt herself descend, closing the doors to every different emotion threatening to take control as she traveled down. This had to get done. There was no choice. She closed off all her panic, her pain, her hesitation, her guilt. All that was left was a job, one that had to get done no matter what.

       There was no time, Beth had to cut the arm off. Everything went quiet and still. Even the rain seemed to halt, the storm clouds holding their breath for what was going to happen next. One cut. One clean cut. No more, no less.

       Beth raised the hatchet. One clean cut.

       It was silent until it wasn’t. In one swift motion with as much force as possible, Beth brought the blade down, severing muscle and tissue. The scream of agony sliced through the air around them, exploding in her ears and echoing in her head.

       All the doors Beth had shut on her descent flew open, rushing her whole body at once. The severed arm lay at her feet. Now the hard part began.

 

~

 

       Walkers swarmed like moths to a flame. It could have been easy. Simple. Redirecting the small horde would have worked, but the storm hindered their sight, their hearing, and their ability to plan effectively. Cutting through the small horde would have worked, but organization of any kind was gone the minute they were taken by surprise.

       Now, they were stuck at a standstill, forced to either hunker down and wait it out or fight. And hope the horde wasn’t large enough to decimate Oceanside. The storm did provide one positive. Thunder. It distracted the walkers and covered any noise they might make to draw their attention.

       Daryl held his position at the cabin’s window, watching the walkers move through Oceanside. Beth was strapped with every kind of weapon imaginable. Gun, knives, bow, machete. Daryl practically equipped her himself after he crept back inside from the porch. Lydia was standing away from the windows, gripping her staff like it was the only thing keeping her standing.

       Beth leaned next to Daryl and pressed her lips almost against his ear and quietly asked, “Whisperers?”

       Daryl shook his head when she pulled away and moved his finger in a circular motion. She could hear his voice in her head answering her question: They ain’t circlin’. Just a horde. Beth blew out a long breath through her nose, a smidge of relief finding a way through her nervous system.

       The storm subsided, the rain slowing to a drizzle rather than a downpour. However, lightning still fissured the sky, booming cracks of thunder following. She was grateful for the lightning, otherwise they wouldn’t be able to see the walkers at all. Or at least not until they were right in front of them.

       Beth made two circles with her hands and joined them together, tilting her head in question: Should we try findin’ the others? He shook his head in answer, which meant they were going to wait it out. Beth hated being caught by surprise. Hated being separated from her family. Not knowing where they were or what they were thinking. It was times like this when she missed those days they had been out on the road before Alexandria.

       They never slept apart. Never did anything without the others knowing. They ate, fought, slept, and even cleaned up together. Beth knew they’d come a long way from that sort of survival, but a part of her missed how simple it was. Fight. Protect. Survive. However, rose-colored glasses were a powerful thing. Missed was the wrong word. Beth didn’t miss the constant worry for food, shelter, or water. She didn’t miss waking up wondering who would try to kill them that day.

       Then, she thought about her baby girl. What they had now was special. The communities they built. The families they cultivated. It was rare. The world they built was rare. And her baby girl would get to come into it. Judith came along when they were still just surviving. Came into a world of chaos and death. Now, things were different. They made sure it was different because they were the future. Judith, RJ, Hershel, Lydia, Mika, Carl, Henry, Finch, Gracie, and the baby still growing inside her. It was all for them.

       So, no, Beth didn’t miss the days they were stranded out on the road. It was still them against the world. No matter what. Distance didn’t change that.

       Suddenly, a blinding flash of light had her squinting her eyes shut, but not before she flinched from the immediate crack of thunder that rattled their cabin. Before Beth could even peel her eyes open, she heard Daryl mutter, “Shit…”

       When she managed to open her eyes, adrenaline from being frightened surging through her body, Beth followed Daryl’s line of sight out the window. Glowing orange and red flames flickered in her vision. It didn’t take her long to come to a conclusion. Lightning had struck the cabin housing Oceanside’s kitchen and food stores. And not to mention their fuel. Wood and ethanol.

       The fire was small, but it was spreading. And if they didn’t put it out soon, there would be a sizable explosion. Walkers were ambling towards the bright flames, which would only make it worse. When Beth turned to Daryl, eyes wide, she saw the answer to her unspoken question.

       Daryl covered her lips with his own in a hard and desperate kiss. And she knew what was coming. He whispered to her, clear and concise, “Take Lydia an’ head to the beach. I’ll get ya when it’s done.”

       “Daryl—”

       “You ain’t gettin’ in this mess, Beth. Not right now,” Daryl squeezed the back of her neck pointedly and affectionately. She knew he was right. This wasn’t just about her life anymore. It was about their baby girl’s life too.

       Beth surged up, capturing his lips in a punishing kiss, “Go. We’ll see ya at the beach.”

       Daryl took a second to look over her shoulder at Lydia, dipping his chin in gratitude, before he disappeared out the door, silently. The muffled groans of walkers never got louder, but she listened for any signs of Daryl’s departure drawing them towards the cabin. After a couple minutes of nothing but thunder, she beckoned Lydia to her side.

       It was now or never. When she turned to check if Lydia was ready, there was a hardness and determination in her stance despite the slight shaking in her hands. Suddenly, it wasn’t Beth trying to get Lydia to safety. It was the other way around. Whatever silent pact had been made between Daryl, Mika, and Lydia, was shining brightly for her to see. Beth wasn’t looking at the girl they’d gotten away from Alpha.

       No, she was looking at a girl willing to do anything to protect her new family.

       The maternal part of her wanted to shake her and say: It’s not your job to protect me. I’m the adult. I protect you. Always. Then, Beth would be a hypocrite. When she was Lydia’s age, that’s all she wanted to do. Take care of her family. And that included her daddy, her sister, Judith, Rick, Lori, and Carl. Everyone. It didn’t matter if they were older or younger. They were her family.

       Beth reached out and wrapped her hand around Lydia’s, squeezing momentarily. They were in this together. They’d protect each other. It was as simple as that. A shimmering wall of understanding settled between them.

       And she opened the door, disappearing into the stormy night.

 

~

 

       An arrow whizzed by her, embedding itself into a dead one five feet from her. It thudded to the ground, squelching in the mud underneath it. Lydia’s staff went through another decaying head, rendering it nothing but skin and bones and blood. Her hair was plastered to her face from the mild drizzle and harsh winds, but even with her obscured vision, she could see the opening to the beach through the trees.

       Every once in a while, it lit up and glowed a bluish purple from the lightning. It was the only thing guiding her in the right direction. Lydia checked over her shoulder to see Beth wading through the muddy forest next to her, bow already notched again. As they rushed past the handful of walkers they just downed, Beth snatched up two of her arrows.

       Lydia couldn’t decide whether having Beth’s back or front was better. If she was in front, she could field any surprises, but if she was behind, she could guard Beth’s back. So, she alternated. Shadows moved around them, making her head snap back and forth constantly as she waited for another onslaught.

       At one point in time, she considered the dead to be her guardians. That’s what she was told her whole life. That this was their world and they were obligated to let them rule. Lydia was surprised how easy it had been to shed all her mother’s teachings. Alpha left her mark, but many things faded while under Daryl and Beth’s care at Alexandria.

       At first, she was irritated by the thought of being in someone’s care. Lydia had survived on her own. She could take care of herself, but then, she slowly started realizing that’s how they all worked. In Alexandria, they were all in each other’s care. It wasn’t a testament to strength or weakness or leadership. They were a family. And that’s what families did.

       Things changed after that. Her mind stopped fighting her and she started to accept the people around her at face value. They wanted nothing from her. Well, except family dinners a couple times a week, but even those became something she looked forward too. Now, she was looking at Beth. The woman who fought for her tooth and nail when no one else would. The person who loved her without conditions.

       And it was finally easy to understand why they all did what they did for each other. Lydia had heard the stories whispered on the streets of Alexandria, Kingdom, and Hilltop about them all. She heard the myths and legends and tales of survival, death, and chaos. But there was a common theme among them all: Love. They sacrificed out of love for each other.

       Lydia hadn’t been sure if she was capable of that kind of love, but she was wrong. She felt it like a tugging force somewhere deep in her chest. It was there, alive and beating loudly.

        The opening in the trees was right in front of them. Lydia crashed through it first, heaving more from the adrenaline than the exertion. Beth, however, was sputtering, holding her stomach as she leaned over slightly. Lydia closed in around her, helping her moved further onto the safety of the beach and away from Oceanside.

       After Beth caught her breath, Lydia took a second to lean on her staff to catch her own. Suddenly, the heaving thudding of boots sounded behind them. Lydia whipped around, staff raised and ready to strike down anything that got too close, but instead she saw familiar outlines burst onto the beach.

       Beth dropped her bow the same moment Lydia dropped her staff, a sigh of relief leaving her lips. Mika and Carl were rushing towards them, the latter carrying RJ on his back while Mika kept Judith at her side.

       “The fire?” Beth asked just loud enough to be heard over the roaring wind.

       Carl shook his head, “They’re tryin’ to get the ethanol out, but its still spreading. The horde isn’t helping.”

       “Who sent ya?” Beth asked with a hurried tone. Lydia knew immediately she was checking on Daryl. The way her hand curled around her stomach told her as much. Lydia felt her concern at being separated from him, but she realized it wasn’t just Beth’s it was also her own.

       “My mom and dad, Uncle Daryl, and Aunt Carol,” Judith spoke up first.

       Carl put RJ down, but practically shoved him between his legs to make sure he was protected, “They’re alright. Everyone’s with ‘em. The King, Jerry, Aaron, Glenn, Rosita, Magna, Yumiko, Connie, Kelly, Eugene, Alden. I saw ‘em all. They’ll be alright.”

       Beth nodded, pushing her stray hairs away from her face while she took a moment to set her bow down against a piece of driftwood. Carl looked around with an antsy jitter in his hands, while Judith went up to talk to Beth in hushed tones.

       As the murmuring of their conversation filled up her head, a more insistent banging became louder and louder. Her gut churned and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. When her head snapped towards something in her peripherals, Mika asked, “What’s wrong?”  

       Another strike of lightning lit up the beach and, in that instant, Lydia knew the banging wasn’t just in her head. Her eyes caught on the decaying boat they’d been using to contain the dead for their training. A sharp crack boomed across the sand as the wood gave away and the dead started to pour onto the beach.

       “Shit,” Carl breathed, before jumping into action, “Jude, stay here and protect your brother.”

       The little girl pulled her katana, a hard look overtaking her face. Lydia knew nothing would get past her. RJ shrunk behind her, caught between the driftwood and Judith.

       Beth notched her bow, her voice morphing into one of authority and startling calmness, “Keep it contained. Don’t let ‘em get close to the trees. The noise of ‘em will just draw more from the horde an’ we can’t get trapped. Keep your distance unless absolutely necessary.”

       They all nodded. Mika already had her crossbow raised and Carl was sporting a spear and hatchet. Lydia regripped her staff and the four of them rushed down the beach towards the small group of a dozen or more walkers.

       Blood pounded in her ears, obscuring the moans of the dead until they got closer. Mika and Beth took down the closest ones with their arrows. The two bodies provided a momentary obstacle for the four ambling towards them. Lydia struck out with her staff, once, twice, three times as she thinned out the left side. Carl did the same on the right.

       In her peripherals, she saw Mika and Beth maneuvering forward and backward as they reloaded and loosed their arrows into the dead. Blood started to mix with the rain water soaking her clothes. She couldn’t tell what was blood and what was rain after a while. Another walker tripped over the bodies already taken down and Lydia impaled its head with her staff, yanking it back with a grunt.

       Her head was on a swivel constantly checking to make sure no walkers got past her on the left side. She checked over he shoulder for Beth, Mika, and Carl. They had the dead thinned down to only a handful left when Lydia heard a yell behind her. Her head snapped towards Judith and RJ.

       The little girl’s katana entered the skull of a walker and it fell to her feet. Carl broke the line, shouting, “Judith!”

       Her little voice carried over the wind a second later, “We’re alright!” A collective sigh of relief left all four of them, but then, Lydia watched in slow motion as a walker stumbled towards Beth. It reached for her while her head was still turned towards Judith. It’s jaws waiting to close around her neck. She’d never seen a walker move that fast.

       Everything stopped. Her mind whirled, but through all the buzzing Lydia heard her.

       Breath with me, Lydia.

       You’re one of us. You fought to be here.

       You’re stuck with us. We know you can take care’a yourself, but no one should have to all the time.

       Our love, this place…it doesn’t come with an expiration date.

       Lydia lunged forward, reaching to cover Beth. To tear the walker away. To do anything to protect this person she’d grown to love. Anything, but watch someone else she loved be taken from her. For once, Lydia got her wish. The only one she has made since she stopped believing anyone was listening when she was a kid. Not Beth.

       It was quick and at first, she barely felt it, but then searing pain raged through her body as the flesh and muscles in her forearm were torn through and ripped. The jaws of the walker clamping down on her arm.

       And Lydia screamed.

 

~

 

       Beth was supposed to protect Lydia. Not the other way around. She was the adult. The protector. But she couldn’t think about that now.

       Mika and Carl tore through the rest of the walkers, fear and anger fueling them as Beth hauled Lydia up the beach towards Judith and RJ. She settled her down in the sand against the piece of driftwood. She quickly unbuckled her belt, her mind quieting and going into overdrive. She fastened it around Lydia’s upper arm.

       Beth cupped her face just as Carl and Mika ran to her side, “You’re gonna get through this. Do ya hear me? You’ve been through worse an’ come out the other side. This isn’t any different.”

       Lydia whimpered, frantically nodding her head as tears streamed down her face. Mika kneeled on Lydia’s other side, “Oh God, Lydia.”

       Beth locked her eyes on the torn flesh and muscles. The grooves and indents from the jagged teeth were oddly clean. It was the cleanest bite she’d ever seen, but it was still a bite. Beth felt herself descend, closing the doors to every different emotion threatening to take control as she traveled down. This had to get done. There was no choice. She closed off all her panic, her pain, her hesitation, her guilt. All that was left was a job, one that had to get done no matter what.

      There was no time, Beth had to cut the arm off. Everything went quiet and still. Even the rain seemed to halt, the storm clouds holding their breath for what was going to happen next. One cut. One clean cut. No more, no less.

       “Carl, hold her arm out over the tree an’ gimme your hatchet. Mika, hold her down,” Beth commanded. Judith was hugging RJ, making sure he didn’t watch.

       Carl handed her his hatchet, “Its clean.” He hunkered and positioned Lydia’s arm out over the fallen tree.

       When Beth turned to look at Lydia one last time, she said the only thing that mattered, “You’re so loved, Lydia… Deep breathe.”

       Her eyes were wide and even through the pain, Beth could see the awe shining back at her. Lydia nodded, still whimpering in pain, and bit down on the extra part of the belt wrapped around her arm.

       Beth raised the hatchet. One clean cut.

       It was silent until it wasn’t. In one swift motion with as much force as possible, Beth brought the blade down, severing muscle and tissue. The scream of agony sliced through the air around them, exploding in her ears and echoing in her head.

       All the doors Beth had shut on her descent flew open, rushing her whole body at once. The severed arm lay at her feet. Now, the hard part began.

 

~

 

       “Daryl! Get outta there, now!”

       Rick’s voice boomed out behind him before Daryl felt a hand on his shoulder, yanking him out of the flames consuming the building. His hand latched onto the last of the ethanol cannisters before willingly letting Rick drag him out. The cabin, along with the connecting shed, were engulfed in flames, taking the food stores and Oceanside’s already meager collection of medical supplies with it.

       Daryl was barely able to rip off the wet bandana he tied around his nose and mouth before his head filled with the groans of all the dead poxy bastards. They were everywhere. The numbers weren’t overwhelming, but the lack of good vision was killing them. Rick already had his hatchet buried in one of their heads, using his boot to kick the dead mass away.

       People had taken to forming a chain to constantly refill buckets of sand to throw on the fire. Anyone not in the chain, circled around to protect them from any oncoming walkers. At least the ethanol was clear out of the building. One less thing to think about. He dropped the cannister in his hands away from the fire, but not before caving one or two walker skulls in with it.

       “Gotta lead ‘em away or it’s gonna take hours to put out that fire,” Rick said.

       Daryl spotted an axe laying discarded next to a pile of chopped wood. He grabbed it, rotating it in his palm before turning back to Rick, “We can handle ‘em.”

       Rick’s head tilted dangerously, “Yeah?”

       “Yeah,” Daryl grunted.

       He stalked towards the thick of them, Rick at his side. And like the old days, they cleared. When Daryl stepped, Rick stepped. Two brutal forces meeting a decaying mass. Eventually, Michonne appeared, the blade of her katana reflecting the flickering light of the fire. Then, Aaron with his mace and short sword. Carol covered them with her bow and Glenn fell into the fold like they were back at the prison.

       Except every time he felt his axe crunch into a walker’s skull, the squelching made more apparent by the wetness, his eyes darted around to try and spot a flash of blond hair. A walker thudded to his feet and his head snapped every which way. He knew she wasn’t there. Better not be, but not having her by his side left a hollowness behind.

        Daryl got so used to feeling her by his side, having his back, having hers, that not having Beth there felt wrong. He was missing something. His violence sang for her and he knew her darkness did the same for him. She grounded him even when they were surrounded by chaos.

       With each blow of his axe, blood splattering his clothes, he looked for her. It was quick, but he did it every time, like within the span of a couple seconds, he’d forgotten all over again. Forgotten his fierce girl wasn’t there, dancing through the dead like a hurricane. It used to scare him half to death, still does, but a part of him knew now.

       The promise she made to him all those years ago wasn’t bullshit. Daryl wouldn’t be the last man standing, because she’d always be at his side even when she wasn’t.

       Rick’s voice brought Daryl back to the forefront of his mind as his axe crunched into another walker skull, “Ezekiel! What’re ya doin’?”

       “Splitting them up. We’ll circle back when we’ve taken care of them!” Ezekiel yelled back over the chaos. Yumiko, Magna, Jerry, and Henry all fell in behind the King. They didn’t wait for a confirmation from Rick or anyone else before they started yelling, motioning, or banging their weapons together to get the attention of as many walkers as possible.

       Rick took out the knees of a particularly bloated walker, then buried his hatchet in its forehead, “Carol, go with ‘em.” It wasn’t an ask. It was a command. Rick slipped back into the leader he was before Alexandria created a council.

       Daryl nodded at Carol, briefly reaching out to squeeze her shoulder. She knew what it meant: Be safe. Even in the thick of everything, she grinned at him warmly, “I expect a full meal on the table when I get back.”

       “Sure thing,” he sarcastically grunted back, but he felt the spark of additional determination at her teasing. It jolted him awake, his adrenaline grabbing hold of his senses again. Carol disappeared into the darkness, catching up with the other group, but she left her reminder clear in the air. They’ve survived worse. This was no different.

         A new wind hit him hard. The walkers were thinning out and the fire was dwindling, which left them without much light. However, the storm was clearing. Most of his energy went to staying balanced in the wet mud and sand beneath his boots. Daryl let the walkers come to him, limiting his movement so he wouldn’t risk slipping.

       He still hesitated, watching for appearing weapons in the hands of the dead, but there were no Whisperers. It was too damning of a coincidence. Judith finds a skin mask and then Oceanside is overtaken by a horde. Daryl used to believe in coincidences, but since being with Beth, he wasn’t so sure anymore. Alpha was smart. If she did send part of her horde to Oceanside, why? What was the end game?

       She didn’t send enough for it to be too damaging, even with the whole lightning-striking-up-a-fire situation. There were no Whisperers hidden among the horde to take them by surprise. Alpha had to know her people weren’t good fighters. She learned going against them that way was useless. If she wanted to destroy Oceanside, she could have done it easily. Just like the Kingdom, but that’s not what this was.

       As Daryl embedded his axe again and again into the last straggling few of the horde, he halted in his tracks. This wasn’t a coincidence. It was a distraction.

       “Rick! We gotta radio to Alexandria an’ Hilltop, now!” Daryl yelled.

       Michonne, Rick, Glenn, and Aaron all turned to look at him, heaving from going through a small horde in a matter of hours. Four sets of eyes turned to him, all in varying states of alarm. Daryl started stalking towards the cabin housing the radio. It was unlikely someone would be up manning the radio at this hour in either place, but he had to try. Or as Beth liked to put it, he had to hope and pray. Because this was not happening again. They weren’t going to lose another community.

       “Daryl, hold on. What’s going on?” Glenn asked, urgently.

       “This ain’t a coincidence,” Daryl huffed, “What’re the odds a horde finds this place in the middle of’a goddamn thunderstorm? With all’a Oceanside’s riggs an’ precautions? Nah. Somethin’ ain’t right.”

       Rick looked around, his eyes scanning the woods scattered with dead bodies as he closed the distance and lowered his voice, “You think she’s keepin’ us distracted? If that’s true, then…that means she knew we were all here, leavin’ Alexandria an’ Hilltop vulnerable.”

       Michonne had a grim expression on her face, “We don’t know that.”

       “Better to check than wish we had later,” Aaron said, eyeing all the people still around them working on putting out the fire which had dwindled considerably. He was thinking what they all were. There was a rat, telling Alpha their movements.

       Glenn sheathed his knife and continued his trek towards the radio shack without another word. Daryl slung his crossbow over his shoulder, “Goin’ to the beach. Ain’t gonna leave ‘em there any longer.”

       Rick nodded, “I’ll go with ya.”

       “If what you’re suspecting is true, we need to leave. Tonight,” Michonne said, a resolve in her eyes. Daryl could see the chaos clouding the edges of her eyes. It usually came out when her kids or Rick were possibly in danger. It was the same skin shredding feeling he felt when Beth wasn’t at his side.

       “Start packin’ the carriages, but do it quietly. Only tell the people we trust. If anyone asks, say you’re prepppin’ for a run to regather any supplies Oceanside lost in the fire,” Rick instructed.

       Aaron and Michonne nodded, disappearing into the crowd of people now mostly resting after a close call. Daryl didn’t waste any more time. He bolted through the trees towards the beach, Rick at his heels. His heart hammered in his chest, sweat dripping down his neck and back. Each step he took made the dark pit of dread in his stomach knot tighter and tighter, constricting around him like a python.

       With each step, a honeyed, frenzied voice whispered in his ear: Too late. You can’t protect the ones you already have. Her voice haunted all his decisions. His mistakes and failures. His triumphs. Daryl had understood a fraction of what Beth was going through when she told him about Negan. How she couldn’t get rid of his voice. He understood because he used to hear Merle, but he knew it was nowhere near the same.

       Her experience was only pain. His was more of an annoyance. But as Alpha’s voice rang in his head, Daryl understood now. It was all consuming. But not as all consuming as the gut-wrenching moans of pain he heard coming from the path in front of him.

       “Dad!” A small shadow broke through the trees rushing for Rick. Judith, who had a hand wrapped around RJ’s. Rick kneeled checking over his children for any wounds, but then his eyes darted behind them.

       Beth, Carl, Mika, and Lydia stumbled out of the trees together, but he instantly knew something wasn’t right. His brain wasn’t processing fast enough until he saw Lydia slumped between Carl and Beth. Mika was out in front, crossbow up, but when it dropped from her shoulder, her face was ghostly pale. Her eyes wide with fear.

       Her strong, tough demeanor melted as her brain finally registered who she was looking at. She whispered out a broken, “Dad?” The fear that one word struck in his heart was what ripped him from his stupor. Daryl surged forward, a comforting hand resting on her shoulder as he reached for Beth and Lydia.

       That’s when he saw the blood. It covered Beth’s clothes, but he knew it wasn’t her own, because Lydia’s arm was gone. Bile rose to the back of his throat at the moans of pain spilling from Lydia’s lips. Beth and Carl were heaving from practically carrying her.

       “Rick!” Daryl yelled over his shoulder, as he took over for Beth.

       His wife looked emotionless, but he could see the cracks forming in the façade she wore to keep up a brave face. Her bottom lip quivered slightly and her hands were shaking from the adrenaline. From the amount of blood covering her, he knew she was the one who chopped off Lydia’s arm.

       Rick took over for Carl, who breathed out, “She was bit. Beth…she—”

       “I had to,” Beth interrupted with a cold timbre, “We gotta get her—”

       “Oceanside lost its medical supplies. There ain’t any here,” Daryl grunted as he and Rick started hauling Lydia down the path.

       “Then, we gotta get her to Hilltop. I did the best I could for the bleedin’, but its not enough,” Beth replied, emotion starting to creep into her voice at the realization of their shitty situation.

       A deep sense of urgency swirled through him and suddenly, it didn’t matter what Alpha was planning. They needed to get Lydia to a doctor. The closest option was Hilltop.

       “We’ll get her there,” Daryl growled.

       There was no other option.

Notes:

All gas, no brakes should be the name of this chapter because...oh boy!

There's a lot going on this chapter, which I why I'm so glad I didn't try to shove it all into the last chapter. So, there really isn't much for me to say regarding this one. I think everything is pretty spelled out. This entire chapter is showcasing the depths of the bonds between all these people, but specifically Lydia and Beth.

Lydia's entire life as been survival and this is the first time where her survival is no longer the most important thing. Just like in all the stories she heard about Team Family, she's realizing why they all sacrificed for each other. Love. Deep emotional bonds. It's a beautiful realization followed by something pretty gruesome, which is sort of becoming my signature as an author lol!

Daryl and the others are making an assumption about the horde and Alpha, but as Aaron said its better to be safe rather than sorry. Daryl's assumption/theory isn't unfounded, but he doesn't have any evidence to actually prove it was the Whisperers and not just a freak unluckiness.

Anyways, I can't wait to hear all your thoughts! All the love and I'll see you next Sunday <3

Chapter 69: Destiny

Notes:

Hello lovelies! All I can say it...oof. I got a wild one for you today.

All the love and I can't wait to hear what you guys think <3 See you next Sunday!

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       Hilltop was in defensive mode. After Glenn’s warning over the radio, Maggie locked everything down and gave an order to fortify. She sent a group out to erect a secondary barrier to separate Hilltop’s main gates from the open cornfields. It took all night, but they got it done. Maggie knew it would do nothing against the horde Alpha had, but it would give Hilltop enough time to dwindle the herds numbers so the vulnerable could evacuate if necessary.

       Her people rushed around in organized chaos making their preparations. Weapons, Molotov's, shields, packing up food and medical supplies. The children were all ushered into the house and protected. Hershel among them. If they were attacked, orders were to get the children out at all costs. Maggie even put Negan to work getting the rest of their horses and carriages prepared for a long trip. Diane kept an eye on him while still sorting through their stores of arrows, bows, and bolts.

       Maggie kept busy, only stopping to give instruction or commands. Despite feeling like crumbling on the inside, she kept her composure. Put her strongest foot forward because that’s what her people needed. Hilltop was once a small community where she knew everyone by name. Their families’ names. Their children’s names. Who they lost and how they came to be at Hilltop. Now, it was different.

       Ever since the Kingdom merged with Alexandria and Hilltop and Oceanside people came and went between the communities freely. It was the prize of civilizations. Of growing stronger and larger.

       It’s why when she called out to the woman with long, wavy blond hair, she cringed inwardly, not knowing her name, “Hey, ‘scuse me? Do ya mind handin’ me that shovel?”

       The woman turned, tilting her straw hat back to see Maggie better. She was ashamed to admit she didn’t recognize the woman. Regardless of her rude call out, she smiled warmly and grabbed the shovel. When she handed it off, her soft lilting tone floated between them, “Do you think the others will make it back?”

       Maggie tensed up thinking about Glenn, her sister, her family all stranded out at Oceanside, her heart thumping against her chest, “We still don’t know if the Whisperers are comin’ or not. Better ta be prepared.” Maggie tilted her head towards the woman, outstretching her hand, “I’m sorry. Don’t think we’ve met. I’m Maggie.”

       The woman took her hand, shaking it. “I’m Deborah. From the Kingdom, but you can call me Debbie. Well, the Kingdom, then Alexandria, and now here,” Debbie responded, sweetly. She sounded so cheerful. Maggie wondered how she stayed that way given everything.

       Maggie dug the shovel into the ground, glad for the distraction from her whirling thoughts, “Did ya go to Alexandria after the Fall?”

       Debbie hummed melodically, “Yes. Rick and Michonne are wonderful, but Alexandria wasn’t quite what I was looking for.”

       “But Hilltop was?” Maggie smiled, warmth filling her.

       The woman nodded, her piercing blue eyes catching the sun briefly, “It wasn’t as…familiar.”

       She paused at that, turning her attention towards Debbie, “Ya wanted a new beginnin’. Somewhere different.” They came out as statements, but they were just as much questions.

       In a way, Maggie knew what that felt like once upon a time. She remembered the claustrophobic feeling back on her daddy’s farm before the world decided to end. How it felt like she wanted to crawl out of her own skin just so she could be reborn into a different person who wasn’t eternally destined to live and die in Georgia.

       Now, she’d give anything to stay in the same place. To not have to worry about reinventing herself over and over again for the sake of survival. They’d gotten a taste of peace for a few years, but even then, she knew it would end eventually. And Maggie had to hold it together for Hershel, for Hilltop, and for Glenn.

       “I guess I did,” Debbie confirmed, “I heard Hilltop’s the smallest, but the fiercest of ‘em all.”

       A light chuckle burst from her lips, “Well, I won’t argue with that, but I’m biased. Talk ta my sister an’ ya may end up with a different answer.”

       Deborah smiled, “Ah, yes, your sister. She’s out there with the others, trainin’. And your husband, of course. Can’t imagine. I’ve never been much of a fighter myself. I like to consider myself a…guardian.”

       Her brows furrowed at the cadence in her voice as it changed slightly, an accent poking through, “Are you a mother?”

       “I was. Such a funny thing. Was never much of a fighter, but when it came to her…there was nothin’ I wouldn’t do.”

       “Think any mother would say the same,” Maggie responded, vaguely, suddenly aware of how close Debbie was examining her, but also at the clear past tense she was using. She didn’t want to say anything to set her off or remind her of the past. Maggie couldn’t imagine losing Hershel. Couldn’t begin to fathom what type of person it would make her.

       Debbie turned her head towards the gates when she replied, “We do what we can to make them strong, but sometimes their destiny isn’t to survive.”

       Maggie froze with condolences on her tongue. Her words sunk further into her mind and settled into a place usually reserved for her darkest thoughts. The place she kept locked away. Maggie wondered if she was staring at the person she’d become if Hershel ever died. Would she convince herself it was his destiny to die to make herself feel better? Would she take all the blame then push it off to something not in her control? Or would she blame Glenn?

       Her blood ran cold. The way the woman swayed reminded her of the snakes her daddy used to trap in the barn. The way Debbie watched her with such careful regard made her feel exposed. What was she supposed to say to that?

       Suddenly, the guard at the wall bellowed, “Carriage approaching!”

       Her head snapped to the gate as it groaned open and Maggie watched as a single carriage rolled into Hilltop. Carl and Daryl hopped out first, the latter carrying an unconscious and crumbled Lydia in his arms.

       “Get Edwards an’ Carson!” Daryl shouted as he rushed towards the infirmary.

       Maggie turned back to Debbie, “I’m sorry. I have ta deal with this.”

       It wasn’t until Beth, Mika, Rick, Glenn, Aaron, and Carol rushed out of the carriage did Maggie start running towards them. Her mind buzzed when she spotted the dark dried blood covering Beth’s clothes. The only reason Maggie wasn’t screaming for her sister was because if she was injured, Daryl would never leave her side.

       Maggie rounded the carriage, “Beth! What—" Only to be met by Glenn’s arms. Her question cut off immediately as he crushed her into a bruising hug. Maggie’s brain took a second to react, but as soon as it did, her arms wrapped around her husband, head falling into the crook of his shoulder. She breathed him in, savoring the one second of peace, before alarm bells started going off in her head again.

       She pulled away and turned to her sister, “I swear you’re gonna give me a heart attack one’a these days, Bethie.” She pulled her into a hug, not caring about the blood.

       Beth’s eyes were distance as she answered, “I gotta go be with Lydia…” Maggie nodded and watched her follow the path Daryl, Carl, and Mika went.

       A warm hand grasped her shoulder and she turned to see Rick, “Lydia got bit an’ Beth was the one who cut off her arm.” Her eyes widened, clearly not having put the dots together correctly. Maggie assumed Beth was covered in walker blood and she hadn’t seen Lydia’s missing arm.

       “Where’s everyone else?” She asked.

       Her husband answered her this time, “Still at Oceanside. Daryl was right. Something’s wrong. Alpha’s getting ready to strike, but we still don’t know how or when. We don’t know if the horde at Oceanside was her or not. Daryl’s convinced it was a distraction.”

       “If it was Alpha, she somehow knows our movements and who’s going to be where,” Aaron added, quietly.

       Maggie shook her head, the relatively new information sinking in, “So, what you’re sayin’ is we can’t trust anyone?”

       Rick’s low voice resonated through her, “Not while she’s still out there. Alive.”

       Maggie subconsciously turned to look back where she was just talking to Deborah. She half expected the woman to still be standing there, watching her, but she wasn’t. When she scanned the surrounding area, she was nowhere to be seen.

       With a new wave of distrust settling in her gut, Maggie allowed herself a moment of weakness to curse her continuously growing community. It was healthy to grow and expand. There was no doubt about it, but at this moment, she hated it. These were her people to protect whether she knew their whole life story, just their name, or nothing at all. It was still her responsibility, but now, the size of Hilltop was to their disadvantage.

       Debbie was right. Compared to Alexandria and Oceanside and what the Kingdom used to be; Hilltop was still small, but not small enough where Maggie knew all her neighbors. Her own distrust had to be turned on her own people in order for the community as a whole to survive.

       So, yes, Maggie took one second of pity and anger and regret. Then, she got to work.

 

~

 

       The air in his lungs turned acidic as he sat and watched the steady rhythm of Lydia’s breathing. Watched Beth’s eyelids flutter as she tried to get rest in an uncomfortable chair, too afraid to be away from Lydia. Carl and Mika were resting on the floor at the foot of her infirmary bed, also unwilling to leave. But Daryl was having the opposite problem.

       His skin wasn't sitting right. It itched and crawled and burned. He caught shadows in his peripherals, only to turn and have them disappear. Lydia's blood still stained his shirt and hands. He couldn't breathe. The walls of Hilltop held him in a chokehold reminding him there was nothing he could do against Alpha. They were trying to play chess with half the board covered. No matter how much they trained or planned, the ball was still in Alpha's court. She had the nuclear weapon.

       Daryl knew the only reason she hadn't decimated them all was because of Lydia. As shitty of a mother as she was, Alpha loved Lydia in her own sick way. I don't think you can protect her. I hope I'm wrong, but you can't protect the ones you already have.

       She was right. Daryl couldn't protect her. Couldn't protect any of them. Lydia. Mika. Judith. Carl. They were capable. Just as strong as any of them, but Lydia still ended up with one less arm. One less arm because she took a bite meant for Beth.

       He knew Mika and Lydia took his request to watch out for Beth further than he intended, but he never put a stop to it like he should've. Beth told him how seriously they took it. Told him how much they wanted to impress him and how much they craved his praise. Beth told him they looked up to him. He'd snorted and blew it off, but deep down it affected him. Daryl considered Lydia and Mika his own.

       One small ask turned into Lydia losing an arm when it should have been him. He was the only one who should take the brunt of that responsibility. Mika and Lydia and Carl were too young to have to worry about keeping anyone but themselves alive. And it was his fault. He should've put that thinking to a stop. And it wasn't just that. Beth was now riddled with guilt over Lydia getting bit, saving her.

       He could tell. Could see it in the way her eyes burned. In her silence. In the way she threw herself into helping everyone else without thinking. At some point it became too much and he couldn't breathe.

       So, he stalked quietly out of the infirmary. Out of the gates. And around the perimeter of Hilltop, checking and rechecking any weak spots. Every stray walker he downed; he wondered if it was just the beginning of Alpha's horde. With each new kill, his heart rate sped up. The dread coiled tighter and tighter in his gut until just checking the perimeter wasn't enough anymore.

       Daryl made his way towards the temporarily erected wall between the gates and the barren corn field. It was made from scraps of wood tied together with vines. He poked and prodded, finding weakness. Then, he got to work, disappearing into the woods and only reappearing when he had his arms full of large branches and logs. With each branch he snapped and each log he hauled over his shoulder, his anger with himself grew.

       Lydia slumped unconsciously in his arms, Beth's bloodless face looking after her, Mika's teary eyes, Carl's thousand-yard stare. It all stoked the flames in his gut.

       He couldn't protect them. He couldn't protect her. What kind of father did that make him?

       That's when he heard her footsteps. Daryl could tell she was purposefully making her footsteps louder so she wouldn't sneak up on him. He tensed up thinking of her out here unprotected, especially after what happened. Beth closed the distance between them, but he couldn't bring himself to look at her.

       "What're ya doin' out here, Beth? Go back inside," Daryl grunted, his voice sounding strained even to his own ears.

       Beth sighed, but was still somehow patient, "I'm out here 'cause you're out here, but you already knew that."

       "Go back inside," Daryl repeated, sternly and clipped as he threw the last log down into a weak spot. Of course, Beth wasn't going to leave. She held her ground, but stayed quiet. Which only made him feel worse, she was the last person who deserved to be on the raw end of his anger. 

       When she didn't even push back, he finally whirled around, his dark eyes finding hers in the moonlight. She tilted her head, daring him to say it again. Daring him to question why she was out here. Her hair fell in loose waves around her face. All he wanted was to bury his head into her neck and tell her how sorry he was, but that Daryl wasn't in charge right now. All he could hear were the sounds of cracking glass and he wondered if that was just him, fracturing under the weight of everything.

       Beth twisted the wedding ring he gave her around her finger subconsciously, like she was trying to siphon all the strength she could to help mend what was starting to break inside him.

       "Beth..." He growled, stepping towards her, lips thinning into a scowl. A voice in his head screamed at him to stop. Asking him why he was pushing her away, of all people. Then, he heard Alpha's voice and knew exactly why. You can't protect the ones you already have.

       It was his burden to carry. And he let them down. Let her down.

       "Daryl…" There was a sharp alertness to her voice that had his gaze snapping to her.

       Beth walked towards him and took his hand. Her cold calloused fingers brushed against his own, cooling the flames inside him to dull embers. The fight left him and he let her pull him towards her without protest. She guided his hand onto the left side of her stomach and waited.

       His eyes closed as he felt his daughter kick his palm. At first, it was just a soft tickle against his hand, but then, it became stronger. Slowly, the darkness cleared until it was only swimming at the edges of his vision. The roaring in his head got quieter. It didn't disappear, but his head was no longer pounding. And his skin settled on his bones.

       "That's your baby girl," Beth whispered, her voice sending shivers down his spine. The tension embedded from his shoulders as his head slumped forward. His wife wrapped her free hand around his neck and kissed his neck right over his pulse.

       Daryl pulled her against him, careful not to crush her, "Both know she's comin' out lookin' exactly like her mom. Ain't nobody gonna be able ta tell I had anythin' ta do with it." He nuzzled into her shoulder. Her scent coated all his senses further ripping him away from the darkness consuming him.

       "Don't be so sure. She's a Dixon," Beth said, shifting his hand down on her belly so he could feel their daughter kick again. "She's gonna be a badass just like her daddy. We're gonna make sure of it."

       Daryl picked up his head, his arms tightening around Beth, "Nah. Like her mama." And he was serious. If their daughter turned out half as strong and smart as Beth, he’d be so proud.

       Beth’s lips quirked for a moment, the dimple on her right cheek popping out, “Think you just like callin’ me that.”

       A grin tugged at the corner of his lips, “Not half as much as ya like callin’ me—"

       “Don’t say it, Daryl,” Beth interrupted, but he could see the blush rising to her cheeks even in the dim moonlight. He couldn’t help but rub his thumb over them.

       “You know I ain’t serious. You call me whatever ya want,” Daryl reassured her. He wouldn’t lie and say it wasn’t nice to see the blood flowing in her cheeks. See her smile and laugh. He needed to see Beth wasn’t crumbling under her guilt. That she was alive.

       Beth circled her hand over his chest, “I know she can’t understand what I’m sayin’ when I talk to her, but I just want her ta call ya what I called…”

       “Hershel,” he finished for her and she nodded solemnly. He knew little things like that were how Beth kept people she lost with her, “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that.”

       However, when her piercing blue eyes found his in the moonlight, there was uncertainty, “You wanna tell me why you’re really out here?” The switch in conversation threw him for a loop, but he realized she might need to hear it for her own sanity.

       “You know,” he replied. She did. He knew she understood.

       She nodded, “I know you’re blamin’ yourself ‘bout Lydia. ‘Cause I am too…but it’s not your fault, Daryl. You know that.”

       He huffed out a breath, disconnecting himself from her so he could have space to work through this, “Shouldn’t’ve asked so much’a them. Wasn’t fair of me. They’re still kids. Ya told me what havin’ my trust meant to ‘em an’ I let it go too far.”

       His confession weighed heavily between them and somehow the air felt thicker, making it harder to breath. Beth’s face fell in devastation, the skin between her eyebrows creased with concern.

       “No, Daryl. They took hold’a the only bit of control they had. I would know. I threw myself into takin’ care of Judith after she was born. Not just ‘cause I loved her, but ‘cause it was somethin’ I chose. I chose it for myself. It was the only thing I had any control over. I know both of ‘em would’ve made the same choices even if ya never asked ‘em to look after me. Don’t turn somethin’ good into a regret.”

       Daryl could see the tears burning in her eyes. Could see the wheels turning, trying to get him to understand. Her words settled inside him and as much as they helped take the brunt of his guilt, he could see it did nothing for hers. She may’ve been saying them, but she wasn’t hearing them.

       “Say it again, Beth,” Daryl all but commanded, voice low.

       Her brows furrowed, “Say what?”

       He reiterated, “It’s not your fault.”

       Beth’s breathing hitched and stuttered, but she repeated, “It’s not my fault.”

       Daryl nodded, “It ain’t. She’s gonna be alright.”

       “Yeah, she is,” Beth replied. This time Daryl walked towards her, slipping his hand into hers. Her head tilted up to look at him before she nodded her head behind her, “Come on, Mr. Dixon. This wall isn’t gonna get any more reinforced.”

       He willingly followed Beth as she led him back into Hilltop. When she tried going back to the infirmary, he redirected her towards the house, “You need sleep. Ain’t gonna get it in there. Need ta take care’a yourself too.”

       Surprisingly, Beth didn’t argue, which was a testament to how exhausted she must have been. She rose up on her toes and kissed the corner of his mouth, “Always takin’ good care’a me.”

       A tingling warmth spread through Daryl’s entire body at her words. He couldn’t always be there to protect her, but he could always do his best to take care of her. That’s all he could do. And it was worth every fucking second.

 

~

 

       The infirmary trailer was cool despite the night being warm. Carl draped a blanket he grabbed from one of the cabinets over Mika's shoulders. When they woke up, Beth and Daryl were gone. And Lydia was still unconscious and strapped to the bed. It was just a precaution, but it still made Carl sick looking at her like that.

       Mika was curled up in Beth’s vacant chair next to Lydia's bed, watching her chest rise and fall. Afraid she’d somehow turn even though they were in the clear. Mika’s fingers intertwined with his as he sat down next to her. Carl squeezed her hand, half afraid she’d keel over from exhaustion, but he knew better than to suggest she sleep more.

       Mika’s eyes were glazed over when her voice filled the silent space between them, "I'd never seen it happen before, but when I saw her…her arm layin' on the ground, all I could see was Gabe's leg. The church. The burning smell. Then, that got me thinkin' about Tyreese. And I couldn't stop hearin' the thudding." Her thumb rubbed soothing circles on the back of his hand, but he knew it wasn't for his sake, "Then, I heard your pain that night. Couldn't get it out of my head the whole ride here."

       Carl remembered. He tried not to, but he remembered it all. He remembered exactly what it felt like to be there. Every time he woke up, he remembered. Every time he put on and took off his eye patch. Looked in the mirror. Caught new people staring, wondering what happened. He remembered the pain, but he also remembered Mika's too, because everything between them was shared.

       They were bonded. And no matter how dark things got between them, it was never too much. Not him losing his eye. Not Mika killing Pete. Not them losing Tyreese or Bob. Not her losing Lizzie or her dad. Or him losing his mom. It was all shared. The good and the bad.

       "What's any of this for if we can't save each other?" Mika asked quietly. She turned to him; her eyes wide like she was searching for an answer somewhere in his gaze. Each word was like a blade to his ribs.

       This was the side of Mika she hid from everyone else, except him. The side that questioned and doubted. The cynic. Just like the sun, her light disappeared for a time, but it always came back. He did his best to make sure it did, even if that meant taking all the burden.

       When things were too heavy for her light to shine, he had to do it for her. For them both. "We do save each other. Everyday. You do. You keep me sane." Mika shook her head, her long hair fluttering around her cheeks. Carl couldn't help but reach out and brush it back over her shoulder as he continued, "You do. Would've gone down a very different path if I didn't have you. My anger…would've taken over. You were the only one who could pull me out of it after."

       Lydia's steady breathing was the only sound filling the room until Mika sniffled, making him snap to attention as her emotion thick voice said, "I should’ve seen the walker comin' after Beth. I should've seen it first. I had a bolt loaded, Carl…I could've taken it down before—"

       "This isn't your fault. It's not your fault," he interrupted her steadily spiraling train of thought, his voice hard and determined.

       "Might not've been my fault, but I could've tried harder. Done more and maybe, Lydia wouldn't be in that bed right now."

       "There are a whole lot of what ifs out there. And none of them are worth anythin'. Not to me. What we went through got us here. We are who we are 'cause of it. So, I don't really care all that much about what ifs. We're here now. Lydia is alive. Beth's alive. Judith and RJ are alive. You're alive. That's all that matters," Carl stared into her. It was always hard to see her question herself. See her bury herself in guilt and blame, especially when it's nowhere near her fault.

       Mika turned in her chair towards him fully. She leaned forward, brushing her lips against his lightly. Her fingers ran over the strap of his eye patch before she lifted it off his head.

       Carl groaned in relief. His hand grasped the back of her neck as he kissed her more fully. She was the only one who got to see him like this. The only time he willingly took his eye patch off was when he was sleeping or when Mika took it off for him.

       When he first lost his eye, she never reacted. Her behavior towards him never changed. She was still always by his side. His anger never scared her. Despite everything, she told him he made her feel safe. Still.

       Mika pulled away first, but not far. He wouldn't let her. 

       “Should take off your patch more often. Think it’s coverin’ up all the wisdom you got in there,” Mika giggled softly, leaning her forehead against his.

       Carl actually grinned. There she was. “Should I start chargin’ money for it?”

       “Alright, Grimes, don’t go gettin’ on your high horse or anything. I’ll take it all back,” she teased.

       He held up his hands, surrendering, “Don’t do anything rash now.”

       Mika smiled against his lips as she kissed him again. She stood up, draping the blanket over him, “Get some rest. I’m gonna go see if I can find us some leftover food from dinner.”

       “Want me to come with you?”

       “No, it’s alright. Doubt I’ll find anything at this hour anyway,” she replied, opening the infirmary door. The last thing he saw was the love and devotion swimming in her eyes as she walked out into the night.

 

~

 

       Carl jolted awake. He squinted at the sunlight streaming through the windows. From the position of the sun, it was clearly still early morning, but that did nothing for the knot in his stomach when he saw the infirmary was empty. No Mika. No Lydia. No anyone.

       He shot up, his head spinning from the sudden movement. Carl snatched his spear resting up against the wall, briefly catching a glimpse of the limp scraps on Lydia’s vacant infirmary bed. They weren’t torn or ripped. Just untied. He relaxed somewhat, knowing that had to be a good sign.

       When he opened the door, all the noise of a bustling community hit him. The clanking of the blacksmith filled the air, more urgent and insistent than usual, probably from the imminent threat looming over them. The consistent hum of chatter formed a blanket over everything. That’s when he spotted Daryl, Maggie, and his dad across the yard talking in front of the house.

       Carl walked towards them, not caring if he was interrupting something important, “Where’s Lydia?”

       They all turned towards him, not the least bit surprised to see him. His dad smiled and nodded behind him. Sitting at one of the tables was Beth, Aaron, Michonne, Judith, and a conscious, albeit an exhausted looking Lydia. Aaron was showing her his prosthetic arm. The knot in his chest loosened slightly, but not all the way.

       “Have you seen Mika?” His next questioned barreled through him. The slight smile on his dad’s face fell, which only caused the knot to tighten.

       “No, I haven’t.”

       Carl turned his attention to Daryl, who shook his head, and then, Maggie, who replied, “Not since last night.”

       His chest heaved and his vision started to narrow as the panic set in, “She wouldn’t go anywhere without tellin’ me. Not without me.”

       “Hey,” Daryl grunted, “She’s gotta be ‘round here somewhere, alright. We’ll look for her.”

       His dad’s face grew grim and serious, “I’ll check the house.”

       Maggie’s sharp leader voice added, “I’ll ask ‘round out here. Last I saw her she was headin’ towards the right side of the house last night.”

       “Gonna check the perimeter,” Daryl said, already stalking towards the gates.

       Maggie’s words snagged in Carl’s head. Right side of the house. Where the cellar was. Everyone dispersed, Carl included. He went straight to the source, not caring if he was about to come face to face with the person he refused to acknowledge.

       There was no guard, which he thought was a mistake, but who was he to tell Maggie what to do. That’s when he saw the lock on the cellar door hanging loosely. His heart rose into his throat. If Negan had done something to Mika, he was going to kill him. He didn’t care about the consequences. He was going to kill him.

       Carl threw open the doors and raced down the stairs. Before he knew it, he was face to face with the man who ordered his eye removed. However, the man he remembered standing in the clearing at the Kingdom was not the one looking at him now. Negan’s brows furrowed in confusion and intrigue seeing him standing there.

       And Carl realized all at once, as much as he wished Negan would slip up and give him an excuse to kill him, he had nothing to do with this.

       He skipped the formalities, “Did Mika come see you last night?”

       Something sparked in Negan’s eyes, “Depends.”

       “I don’t have time to play games, Negan. Was she here?” His voice rose in anger and panic.

       Negan must have recognized something in his eyes because his face fell in worry, “Yeah, she was here. Came to talk to me about Lydia. She couldn’t’ve been down here for more than ten minutes. What’s goin’ on, Carl?”

       His name coming out of his mouth made his gut roll, but he ignored it in favor of information, “Did she tell you where she was goin’ after?”

       Negan shook his head, genuine worry on his face, “Heard her talkin’ to someone when she got out of the cellar, but I didn’t recognize the women’s voice. Had a thick drawl.”

       Something poked uncomfortably at the back of his brain, “If ya heard it again, would ya recognize it?”

       “Would be hard to miss,” Negan responded, seriously.

       Carl nodded, “I’ll be back.”

       “Hey, kid, what’s goin’ on?”

       He rounded the corner, stopping at the foot of the steps before answering, “Nothin’ yet.” If he spoke it into existence, it would make it true. Mika could just be in the house or helping outside the walls, because Lord knows she couldn’t say no to anyone if they asked for help.

       Carl emerged from the cellar and walked back towards the front of the house to see Daryl rushing into Hilltop with what looked like a wig in his hands. His stomach dropped and churned as he got closer and closer.

       Daryl was carrying was a scalp, blond wavy hair still intact like a wig. Bile rose up in the back of his throat thinking it could possibly be Mika, but that wasn’t her hair. Couldn’t be. It was too wavy and not the right color.

       Rick, Carol, and Maggie came rushing out of the house towards them as Daryl held up the scalp, “Found it near the outskirts of the woods to the west. Two sets of footprints came from the tunnel exit an’ disappeared into the woods.”

       Maggie was staring at the hair, her face going pale, “Deborah…”

       “What? Who’s Deborah?” Carol asked, “Where’s my daughter?”

       Maggie’s mouth opened and closed, “I…I was talkin’ to this woman yesterday, ‘fore ya’ll came. I didn’t recognize her. How she was talkin’…the way she moved. I just thought she’d been through a lot. Sounded like she lost’a child.”

       Carl dreaded the question, “Did she have an accent?”

       Maggie’s head snapped to him, “Yeah…at some points it would bleed through. Haven’t heard an old southern accent like that in a long time.”

       Daryl threw the scalp to the ground, “Fuck.” Because he knew, what Carl had just put together. What his dad and Carol had too.

       His dad turned to Maggie, hand running over his face, “What was the last thing she said to ya?”

       Maggie physically shivered, eyes wide, “We do what we can to make them strong, but sometimes their destiny isn’t to survive.”

       Carl was going to be sick. He couldn’t breathe. Alpha had been here. She had been here and she took Mika.

Notes:

Oh boy, I think I just need to let this one sit. How's everyone feeling?? Everyone okay? Because I'm not! But on the bright side, Lydia's okay...

Did anyone guess what was happening at the beginning of the chapter? Or was it a surprise? I'm curious if I was too heavy handed on the breadcrumbs or if they were just the right amount. Their conversation was immensely interesting to write and one that I just wrote in one sitting, which was crazy.

So, we get some parallel comfort scenes between Beth/Daryl and Mika/Carl. We're seeing how guilt manifests itself between these two different couples. It was really interesting to write because one couple is very developed while the other is still young, but I think the parallel between them was needed. Plus it added some much needed fluff after last chapter.

Alpha was in Hilltop. In my mind, it wouldn't of been too hard to get in given the chaos happening and the open door policy they've adopted for anyone from Alexandria, Kingdom, or Oceanside. All the communities have grown immensely, even more than the show because they never went through years of being closed off. Maggie is the one of the few characters who hasn't seen or heard Alpha speak before, so that plus the disguise was enough. Negan hints at Mika having come face to face with Alpha, but even though Mika has seen her before, it was the middle of the night and she was in a pretty decent disguise.

Anyways, things are heating up. Going sixty to a hundred here lol. Yell at me in the comments if you wish! All the love <3

Chapter 70: Uncage, Unleash

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I am going to be so honest with you. I deleted and rewrote this entire chapter today because I really didn't like it. I'm a bit more satisfied with where it is now, but I'm still not thrilled, which is why it took so long for me to upload.

There are a lot of moving parts to this story right now and originally, I think I tried to rush and cram too much into this chapter. So, I ended up doing a full rewrite and rework to slow things down, but also take the story in a different direction than I originally intended. The destination is still the same, but I changed the journey a little bit to try and reduce things feeling redundant.

Anyways, all the love and I hope you enjoy this chapter more than I do lol!

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       “You know what, kid? I wouldn’t touch that shit with a ten-foot pole.”

       Hilltop’s cellar smelled of wet cinder, flames, and sweat. This was where everything started for her. Lydia’s good side slumped against Negan’s cell as she cradled what was left of her arm. It hurt more than she was willing to admit out loud, but what was worse was she could still feel the phantom ghost of her arm. If she closed her eyes, Lydia swore her arm was still there. She could wiggle her fingers, make a fist, cross her arms.

       Then, she would look down and her brain shattered; still not fully aware her arm was no longer attached to her body. The feeling went away, but the pain remained, throbbing violently through her body and skull. But her physical pain was nothing, not when she heard what the others were whispering. What they were trying to keep from her. Shield her from, Lydia corrected herself.

       Mika was gone. And her mother had something to do with it. Everyone around her was treating her like glass. Worried she’d break at any mention of her mother. Logically, Lydia knew they wanted to protect her, but hadn’t she proved herself? Her mother was doing this to punish her. Beth and Daryl and Carl too, for taking Beta from her. But this was always the way it was going to end, right?

       Lydia got too comfortable. She let people in. She let herself love and believe in family. She should’ve known Alpha would never let her have it for long. Her mother would always come for her. Punish her for her betrayal. Punish her for being her weakness. Her destiny was written and Lydia had been putting it off for long enough. It was time to own up. Stop running. All it had done was get people she loved hurt.

       She couldn’t predict what her mom would do to Mika. That’s what scared her. If her mother had taken her, none of this would matter. But Alpha took someone far more special. Someone Lydia loved like a sister. The same one she wished she had growing up. The one she imagined would protect her from her mother’s wrath while her dad wasn’t home.

       Lydia could count the number of times she truly considered killing her mother. And as she sat in front of Negan, thinking about all the things Alpha could inflict on Mika, she considered it. Her mother wanted to kill her because she viewed her as a weakness. Because Alpha loved her. Lydia always assumed that was her destiny, but what if it didn’t have to be?

       “I hate her. Remember people tellin’ me how lucky I was to have her as a mom. I thought there was something wrong with me because even as a kid I thought about killing her. Not sure I knew what it even meant, but I knew it meant she’d be gone…and I wouldn’t have to be afraid anymore.”

       Negan squatted down next to her on the other side of the bars, “This isn’t a road you wanna go down. Let ‘em handle it. As much as it twists my shit to say it, they know what they’re doin’.”

       Everything ached. Her head. Her arm. Her heart. Her soul. It all clenched and throbbed like an open wound, “I could end it…”

       “Lydia…” Negan rumbled in warning, but it was too late. Her mind was already made up.

       The moment she stepped in front of a walker for Beth, everything solidified. These people were her family. They did everything for her, including putting all their communities at risk to keep her safe. They fought for her. Embraced her. Loved her, even when she pushed them away again and again.

       Nothing was owed, but everything was on the line. And Lydia realized she wasn’t willing to risk anyone but herself.

       Lydia walked away without another word. Negan called out; his muffled bellows followed her all the way out of the cellar. By the time anyone heard his warnings, she would be long gone. She found comfort in knowing Negan would be her final goodbye to them all.

       She rejoined civilization, which was slowly crumbling under the weight of what Alpha had done. Lydia bowed her head trying to hide behind herself as she absorbed the panicked shouting. Maggie stood at the foot of the house’s steps, a severe look marring her usually warm features.

       “We can’t keep livin’ here. It’s only a matter of time before she looses her horde on us,” an older woman with grey hair cried out in a raspy voice.

       “Tammy’s right. What’re we supposed to do ‘gainst her?” Another younger woman shouted.

       It wasn’t until a younger boy hollered out did Lydia start to sour, “We should just give her what she wants. Isn’t it obvious?”

       “Hey!” Lydia’s head whipped to see Glenn walking towards the crowd starting to gather. His gait was casual, but his voice and eyes screamed anything but, “None of this is helping. If anyone has any ideas that are actually useful, fine, but otherwise…No one’s keeping you here. If you wanna go, go. Maggie and I plan on fighting for this place, but if you don’t, we don’t need you here. We don’t give an inch. Or Alpha will take a mile.”

       Convoluted emotions surged through Lydia. The pain of her throbbing arm almost blinded her, but she recognized the responsibility resting on her shoulders. Of all the people here, Glenn was the one who should have wanted to turn her back to her mother the most. After everything Alpha put him through, Lydia wouldn’t blame him.

       But in his own way, he was protecting her, because what Alpha wanted was her. This could end with her. Whoever killed the Alpha became the leader. If she got rid of her own mother, the Whisperers would kneel to her. She could convince them. Disband them.

       Lydia would protect the people who taught her family wasn’t just blood.

 

~

 

       Daryl weaved through the trees, every inch of him going haywire as he analyzed the fading tracks. Cracked branches, crumpled leaves, disturbed foliage. He followed, veering every which way to keep on the trail, but just like yesterday, he came up with nothing but dead ends.

       He seethed and boiled, cursing at himself. At Alpha. His vision went in and out of focus. The trees whirling around him. What if she was already dead? He could be too late. Why her? If Alpha wanted revenge, she could have killed him. It was what she wanted, since he killed Beta, but instead she was hell bent on making them suffer.

       Mind game after mind game and he was sick of playing. He wanted this over. Alpha had to die.

       “Daryl,” Carol’s voice rang through his roaring mind, “Over here.”

       It blew his mind how contained she had been since learning Mika was taken. However, regardless of how she looked on the outside, he could see the comparisons she was making to Sofia. Could see she was blaming herself by her clipped answers and insisting she was fine when she clearly wasn’t. Carol was pushing it down and away to shield herself from the worst of it.

       He grunted in response, turning to the left to join her side. At first, he wasn’t sure what he was looking at, but he knew it didn’t belong, until it caught on the sunlight streaming through the trees. Long blond strands of hair were weaved through the branches directly at shoulder height. His shoulder height. Mika’s height. While he was looking down at the ground wallowing in his own shit, he almost missed something crucial. Daryl bit down on his lip, trying in any way to ground himself.

       He shook his head and followed their new lead. He didn’t want to think about whether or not the clump of hair torn from Mika’s head was intentional or not. Either way, it shouldn’t have ever happened. He should have been there. Daryl was the one who had a gut feeling whatever happened at Oceanside wasn’t just a coincidence. He miscalculated.

       Alpha wasn’t planning on ending them as quickly as possible. She wanted to do it slowly and painfully out of revenge. Or pure sadism.

       Now, they were scrambling. Hilltop was a mess knowing Alpha somehow got in without being noticed. Maggie wasn’t doing much better since she found out who she had been talking to. It would haunt her. He knew it would. It didn’t help that her community was in an uproar. And they had nothing. They were no closer to beating Alpha than they had been a year ago.

       No amount of training would help with something like this. Mika was Carol’s daughter. For all intents and purposes, she was his daughter too. As much as he used to struggle with acknowledging it at first, that’s who she was to him now. No questions. She was Rick’s, Tyreese’s, and Beth’s too. Carl’s girl. Lydia’s friend.

       Just the brief thought of Beth had his gut tying itself into knots. Leaving her behind boiled him from the inside out. He felt a constant, insistent tug to get back to her. And it was fucking with his head. The only bit of relief he got was from knowing she was safely with their family, behind walls.

       He had to find Mika. For all their sakes. Another light couldn’t be snuffed out of this world. Too many of them wouldn’t come back from it.

       “We’re gonna find her,” Daryl said out loud causing Carol to pause and look at him.

       Tears welled in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall, “I know. She’s come too far. You trained her well. She’s going to be alright.” That last part sounded more like she was trying to convince herself, but Daryl read the subtext.

       I’ve lost all the children I can lose.

       There were widows and widowers, but there wasn’t a word for a mother who lost her child. It was too heavy. Too dark. People didn’t want to deal with the thought, so they were forgotten. Pushed aside because it made everyone too uncomfortable to think about.

       Silence fell between them, but it wasn’t silent for long. Rustling leaves sounded off in the distance.

       Daryl halted, pinpricks running up his neck, “Hold up.” He held an arm out to signal to Carol, not trusting his low voice to have carried. She paused next to him, following his line of sight. His eyes narrowed at the spot through the trees where he could have sworn he saw movement. It could have been anything, but he wasn’t taking the chance.

       He arced his arm around, signaling to Carol their next move. She nodded, disappearing off to the left, keeping her eyes glued to the area where they heard something. Daryl stalked off the right, keeping a wide berth on the area, as his eyes scanned the trees. Years of practically living in the woods granted him a silent tread.

       He was just closing in on the area when he saw a figure walking away in the distance. At first glance it looked like a walker, but it moved too purposefully. Whisperer. Daryl kept to the tree line for cover, but made sure his feet fell onto soft grass rather than brush. He spotted Carol about forty yards from him on the other side of the Whisperer.

       The Whisperer dipped down into a small dirt trench and scampered up the other side. Daryl quickened his pace, afraid to lose their only lead to the woods. He used the lip of the ridge for cover as he watched the Whisperer walk towards an overrun, vine covered boulder. His eyes narrowed until the Whisperer shoved the vines aside, revealing an entrance.

       Daryl wasn’t sure he would’ve seen it himself if he hadn’t seen someone disappear through it. He assumed it had to be some old mine shaft. At the realization, something like hope settled in his heart. This had to be where she was keeping Mika.

       Carol quietly crept to his side, witnessing the same disappearing act. Daryl grew his knives, waiting a couple minutes in case the Whisperer decided to come out again. Then, he nodded and closed the distance to the entrance. Carol was right on his heels, knife out.

       He hesitated on the threshold, not liking the uncertainty. What if it was a trap? If it was, they were already in it anyway. So, Daryl walked into the gaping maw. Into the darkness that seemed to swallow them whole.

       The hair on the back of his neck stood up as he hugged the wall to protect his back once the light from the outside faded behind them. Their footfalls were muffled by the dirt beneath their feet, but it still echoed off the rocks around them. The deeper they went, the more certain he was about one thing. This wasn’t nothing.

       A dull roaring took up space in his head, but steadily grew louder. At first, he thought it was just the blood pounding in his ears, but as they kept moving, Daryl realized it wasn’t in his head at all.

       He slowed, throwing an arm out to stop Carol from going any further. Daryl patted his pocket before pulling out his lighter. The clicking of the lighter felt too loud even with the constant wall of sound. The small flickering flame provided a bubble of light revealing a curve in path ahead.

       Carol inched forward, rounding the corner first, but she stopped abruptly.

       Suddenly, the roaring became growls and moans, echoing and bouncing off the walls of a massive cavern. Daryl stepped forward enough to see over Carol’s shoulder at the stark drop below them.

       Walkers packed the cavern floor so tightly they could barely move. He couldn’t see how far the cavern went on with minimal light coming from cracks in the rocks up above.

       But he knew, they had found Alpha’s horde.

 

~

           

       The night sung with the promise of chaos. Dread curled its way around her body only fueled by her uselessness. Beth knew her most important job was to protect herself and her baby, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t do anything. Mika was in the hands of someone extremely volatile and unpredictable. And not but a day later, Lydia was gone too, presumably going after her.

       Her girls. Beth’s chest squeezed thinking about Lydia playing right into Alpha’s hands. And here she was unable to do anything, but remain confined in Hilltop. Her body burned and her mind was aflame. Her skin crawled with inaction and her fingers twitched with frayed energy. Beth barely got to wrap her mind around the guilt of Lydia losing an arm because of her. Now, she was just gone.

       All she could hope was Lydia knew they loved her and wanted her to be safe. She didn’t have to prove herself, but Beth had a feeling it was always going to come down to this. Lydia loved Mika. They were bonded. She couldn’t blame Lydia for going after her when Beth would’ve done the same thing, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to ground her for a year when she came back.

       Beth almost laughed at the thought, but it was immediately followed by a tug in her gut to go after them.

       But instead, Beth was stuck here in her worry. She would have rather gone up against Alpha herself. She groaned in frustration, throwing the sheets off her overheated body. She reached across to the other side of the bed and found it cold.

       Daryl's absence was another nail in the coffin. He promised her he'd come back to her. Promised once their daughter was born, he wouldn't ever leave her behind again. They'd do things together like they always did. Beth didn't blame him. She knew staying behind was what she had to do, but it didn't make it any easier watching him go.

       Beth curled into Daryl's pillow; his scent still faintly present. It calmed her whirling mind, tricking her into believing he was there, arms wrapped tightly around her. It calmed her just enough for her mind to clear momentarily.

       And a horrible thought materialized out of the vapor from somewhere deep inside her. Beth struggled into a sitting position, her own eyes going wide at the contemplation. While she was here sitting idle, there was someone who could be doing something. Someone who could make up the deficit.

       Her breathing hitched, nails digging into her palm. Beth would do it. She’d do it for Mika and Lydia.

 

           

       The cellar smelled of sweat and cinder with a tinge of iron, which coated her mouth, tasting of blood. It was the middle of the night, but some type of energy was buzzing in the air. Maybe, somehow, the world knew the decision she had made silently on her trek from the house down to the cellar. She could feel the shift, but none of it seemed all that important anymore in the face of possibly losing Lydia and Mika.

       “Is a man not allowed ta sleep ‘round here anymore?” He got up from his cot in the corner, when his eyes caught on her for the first time, “Geez, you’re gettin’ ready to pop. How the hell did ya even get down here?” Negan griped, but she could see the spark of interest in his eyes as the flickering torch light cast shadows across his cell.

       Beth cut right to the chase, “You warned us ‘bout Lydia leavin’. Why?”

       Negan didn’t look surprised at her direct question, but he did run a hand over his face, taking his casual façade with it, “She’s just a kid wantin’ to go up against something she’s not ready for. No matter how shitty her mother is, she’s not ready to kill her. Never will be. And that hesitation is going to take her down. Mika too.”

       It’s exactly what Beth needed to hear, which only caused a warning bell to go off in her head. Was he playing her because he could guess why she was down here? But after everything, Negan wouldn’t lie. Not to her and especially not about Mika or Lydia.

       He continued like he read her mind, “Despite what you all think ‘bout me, I’m not down here wishin’ you all would bite the bullet. ‘Specially those two.”

       Negan proved just that when he tried to save her from Owen. Beth wrapped her arms around her daughter, needing the support for what she was about to do. Negan took notice as his eyes drifted down to her stomach. She took a deep breath and expelled all her doubts. Beth wouldn’t balk at sacrificing for the people she loved.

       “The Saviors may not’ve had a code, but you did. I know ya did. When I was there, I saw it…no kids,” Beth iterated, a little breathless. There was no coming back from this. Yet, she found herself not caring. She would do anything to get them back.

       “What’re you sayin’, Beth,” Negan prodded with his words just as much as he did his gaze. There was no going back. Her hand clasped the cool metal key hidden in her pocket. She slid it into the lock and turned, the clink reverberating through the cellar like the final toll of a bell. She opened his door. No going back.

       “I’m sayin’…do what ya gotta do. Be whoever ya gotta be to save Mika and Lydia. Then, you’re free. No more cellar. No more Hilltop. You can go wherever ya want. Bring ‘em back an’ it’s done. All of it.”

       It was an offer. Maybe a desperate one, but she didn’t care. A part of her screamed at setting Negan free. Screamed that almost eight years in prison wasn’t enough. He deserved to suffer more for what he did to Aidan and Tyreese, Dwight, Sherry, Tina, Amber and Mark. For all of those who suffered under him. For herself.

       All of it quieted when she thought about Mika. The thing was, she was worth letting all of it go. Even it if it was only a slim chance of getting her back. Beth would free all her demons, uncage them, for a chance to get her back. Images of Mika’s head on a pike, reanimated as a walker, poured ice and fire through her veins in equal measure.

       Then, she saw the beautiful little girl who used to wear a braid in her hair, who had wide eyes, a bright smile, and a haunted gaze. And finally, the woman she grew up to be. She didn’t just deserve for them to try their hardest. She deserved their dirtiest and darkest. Their unethical. Mika was worth crossing the line.

       All of it quieted when she thought about Lydia. Her life had been nothing but suffering. Hiding in the shadows constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. The girl who risked her life to save hers. The fiercely loyal girl who’d given enough. She deserved to rest and be at peace. She deserved them to dig deeper and play their riskiest hand. Lydia was worth it.

       How could they not be? So, yes, Beth would free the monster who sometimes still whispered in her nightmares. She’d let him free for a chance.

       Negan stepped through the threshold of the cellar. The worry she saw etched into his brows morphed into a deep chuckle that echoed through the room, sending a chill down her spine. A twisted smile warped his features as a very familiar mask settled onto his face. The last time she saw it was right before she slit his throat. She recognized it. Despised it, but its what she asked for.

       “The angel sendin’ out an assassin. Shoulda known. You were never afraid’a gettin’ your hands dirty,” Negan goaded, but for a split second his mask fell again, “Give me everythin’ ya got.”

       Beth saw the promise in his words. She knew he was all in and not just for his freedom, but for Mika and Lydia too. She had unleashed something. Negan was only a monster when he had to be and Beth was asking him to be just that. For a chance. Pandora’s box was open and there was no shutting it again.

       They were winning small battles against Alpha, but losing the war. If she had to resort to her lowest of lows she would. So, Beth told him everything. Filled him in. Told him about the horde, about killing Beta, about Alpha’s weakness, about Lydia. Everything she could think to help him get as close as possible as quickly as possible.

       The girls were their number one priority. The horde was their second. They needed to find it and destroy it before it could be used again. Without her horde, Alpha was nothing. And the Whisperers without Alpha were inconsequential.

       When Negan walked out of the cellar, with her in tow, relief bloomed through her chest. Weight lifted off her shoulders. And she realized her demons were set free. She’d caged them inside herself like a sheathed dagger, but now they were gone. Not running rampant like she thought they would after releasing Negan back into the world.

       No, they were just gone, because she had done something useful with them. She set them loose for a purpose.

       However, her relief was short lived.

       One second Negan was scanning a quiet Hilltop, breathing in his freedom. Then, suddenly, pain shot through her back as he shoved her against the side of the house. The brick scrapped against her back, her head throbbing for a second from the unexpected force. Negan’s hand was clamped around her mouth, towering over her, but he wasn’t looking at her.

       Confusion filtered through her momentary surge of panic. They were both swathed in the shadows of the house. Beth followed Negan’s line of sight and another wave of terror overtook her body. Whisperers were crawling through Hilltop from the concealed tunnel exit next to the trailers. They slunk into their community; decaying flesh molded to their faces.

        Negan stepped away from her, noting she saw what she needed to see. Beth didn’t waste another second contemplating. It took all her willpower to pull her eyes away from the enemy, but she needed to warn everyone before it was too late.

       Two guards at the gate had their backs to Hilltop, scanning the perimeter. Beth tapped Negan and pointed to them, then the large bell near the front gates used to signal danger. He nodded, not wasting another second before he took off into the night, careful to avoid the ten or so Whisperers still getting their bearings.

       Before she turned to go in the back way to the house, she saw Negan dislodge a hatchet from a stump near the firewood pile. As quietly as possible, Beth rushed behind the house to the back door. By the time, she got it open and ran down the hall.

       The bell tolled out through the night, an ominous warning. Déjà vu sucker punched Beth in the gut at the sound. She had a nightmare that began just like this. And from what she could recall, it hadn’t ended well.

       Her voice erupted through the stirring house, “Whisperers!”

       The bell combined with her yelling was enough to wake the whole community.

       However, suddenly, a groan flew from Beth’s lips as a sharp pain penetrated her abdomen. Her hand reached out to grasp onto the banister as she doubled over. She breathed through it until it passed. She stood up, hesitantly, wondering if the pain would reappear if she moved too abruptly. But it never came.

       Beth didn’t have time to think. Footsteps thundered above her and around her as the house woke up violently.

       That’s when the screaming began.

Notes:

All righty, there were a lot of moving parts in this chapter like I said, but somehow it still doesn't feel like I included enough. I did my best to focus on important events rather than get lost in the reactions characters would have to learning about Alpha/Mika and then also about Lydia going out on her own.

So, the main scene of this chapter I think is the one between Beth and Negan. Beth making the conscious decision to set Negan free is huge. And she really does not do it lightly, but she knows it'll add to their odds of getting Mika and Lydia back safely. She utilizing the monster she knows Negan can be.

Lydia is going through it. My poor baby girl :( She lost an arm and now Mika was taken by Alpha. Lydia feels responsible because she knows her mother isn't just getting back and Daryl and Beth for killing Beta/taking her. She's also getting back at Lydia for betraying her. It would be hard not to feel like everything was your fault, especially when you grew up with a mother like Lydia's. But ultimately, Negan is right. Lydia may think she's ready to kill her mother, but at the end of the day, regardless of how messed up Alpha is, she's still Lydia's mother.

Daryl and Carol find where Alpha is keeping her horde and a lot more stealthily than they did in the show lol. But where's Mika?? Guess we'll find out soon enough lol.

The Whisperers have infiltrated Hilltop similarly to how they do in Alexandria in the show. This chapter reveals Alpha wasn't inside Hilltop to take Mika, in fact, she only decided to do it once she saw Lydia had been hurt. She was there to unsettle, gather intel, and most important find any entrances and exits. The one I'm referring to in this chapter is the same one Sasha and Rosita use in the show when the Saviors came to Hilltop in season 7. At this point, I'm assuming Hilltop has ungraded their secret entrances lol.

Anyways, all the love and I'm excited to hear all your theories!

Chapter 71: A Most Dangerous Game

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Happy Sunday! I hope you all enjoy this action filled chapter. Many things are unraveling and I think this might be the most POVs I've had in a single chapter, but I think it was necessary.

Anyways, all the love and I can't thank you guy enough for how amazingly supportive you all have been of this story <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       “Hilltop is falling. Protect Alexandria at all costs.”

       Maggie set the recording device to the radio microphone and let it play over and over again, hoping someone from Alexandria would hear it eventually. She hauled her bow over her shoulder and ran towards the screaming of her people. Everything was a blur as people rushed past her to gather their things.

       “Mom!” Hershel’s voice yelled for her from the first floor.

       Her eyes immediately snapped to him tucked between Glenn, Beth, Rick, Michonne, and Carl. Judith and RJ were huddled together with him. Her sister was being strapped into leather armor by Michonne, wincing as she tightened the ties running up the sides.

       Chaos flashed in and out of focus. Maggie’s ear rang like they were trying to protect her from her crumbling surroundings. Her home had erupted into action as people gathered their things to flee. The Whisperers were wreaking havoc outside the house as Jerry, Ezekiel, Aaron, Jesus and a few others did their best to hold the front doors closed against the Whisperer’s onslaught. That’s when Maggie clocked the orange hue reflecting off the windows at the front of the house.

       She rushed down the stairs and to the window. Roaring flames engulfed Hilltop’s gates, no doubt to trap them all inside. It made for a hellish scene.

       Hilltop was chaos.

       Unlike what she heard happened at Oceanside, there wasn’t a plan. They were taken by surprise, but it quickly became every person for themselves. Save the people closest and get out. Save the children. The vulnerable. There was no talk of salvaging. Maggie had to give the orders to flee. They’d been here before. A community was only as much as its people. Hilltop would survive as long as the people did.

       Hilltop was infiltrated.

       Unlike Alexandria all those years ago during the Savior war, there was nowhere to hide. And it wasn’t just the Whisperers they had to worry about, but the traps they set, because surely this couldn’t be it. Everything became simple. Get out. Run. Flee. Survive. She’d seen it all before. Forced into exile, but just like every other time, they’d survive. Alpha was just another villain in their story.

       Hilltop was falling.

       Unlike the Kingdom, it wouldn’t be quick. The Hilltop wouldn’t crumble under its own wear and tear. It would suffocate them all. The Whisperers would make sure of it. Trapping them inside their own home. The realization caused her stomach to sink and contort. Maggie and Glenn promised their people they would stand and fight, but it wasn’t worth losing their family over. She had to make the executive decision: Get out while they still could.

       Hilltop might not survive, but it wasn’t the end. So, Maggie gave the order: Run.

 

~

 

       Beth hauled ass up the stairs with Judith, RJ, and Hershel in toe. The others formed a semi-circle around the door, ready to fight whatever came through. Beth stood near the top of the stairs, her bow notched and ready. She breathed through her nose and out through her mouth.

       Ezekiel, Aaron, and Jerry let the door go. It burst open; a loud boom resonated through the house. Immediately, Beth knew she had been wrong. There were a lot more than ten Whisperers infiltrating Hilltop. A dozen or so Whisperers poured through just the door alone, a battle cry on their lips.

       Still, a chill went up her spine at seeing the decaying faces scream out in rage. They charged, only three able to squeeze through the door at one time. Beth let her arrow fly. It embedded itself into the eye of a Whisperer charging towards Carl. He dropped immediately, thudding to the ground face first, causing the others behind him to trip up.

       Maggie’s own arrow found a target just as Rick, Michonne, Glenn, Jesus and Aaron closed in. Rumbles of pure rage and hatred fell from their lips. Each a force to be reckoned with in their own right. Beth notched another arrow. Her height on the stairs offered her an advantage, but there was a constant nagging in the back of her mind reminding her of the pain she felt earlier. It could come back any second and mess up her aim.

       So, once she locked in her target, she let her arrows fly. Not willing to waste time in case she doubled over in agony again. Her heart rapidly sped up as she loosed arrow after arrow, keeping the children behind her protected, but it still wasn’t enough. She didn’t just go for kill shots. She went for legs, shoulders, arms, stomach. Whatever was open. Anything to slow them down and give her family an advantage.

       Her eyes lost track of individual Whisperers as they poured through the cracks of their defenses. They became a mass. A wall of danger blaring in her head. Wherever she looked, there was another one popping up to take their place.

       One particularly small Whisperer slipped around Ezekiel and Aaron and dashed for the stairs. The Whisperer charged her. Confusion rippled through her at the choice, but Beth had less than a few seconds to jerk backward and away from the slashing knife aimed at her stomach. She nearly fell backward, but she wasn’t the only one who lost her balance.

       The Whisperer stumbled, not having expected her knife not to connect. Beth sideswiped her bow as hard as she could into her face. The effort reverberated through her hands and body like a shockwave. Fortunately, the force of her blow was enough to send the Whisperer tumbling back down the stairs into Carl’s awaiting spear.

       Even with all the chaos around her, the crunch of her skull being pierced still traveled to her ears. He looked up at her, his chest heaving and his one eye sinking with revenge. He glanced over her shoulder briefly to check on the kids before turning back to the fight. Beth went to notch another arrow when a searing pain went through her abdomen again, violently tearing her breath from her lungs.

       A sharp gasp left her lips, but Beth kept her eyes open in case another Whisperer charged towards the stairs. Her knuckles turned white as she clutched onto the handle of her bow. She swore she could hear the wood groaning past the ringing in her ears. The pain lasted longer, then disappeared again.

       “Aunt Beth…” A little hand gently rested on her forearm, “Mom?” Beth turned to see Judith with her katana out, eyes wide with concern.

       “I’m fine. Don’t worry ‘bout—”

       Suddenly, everything exploded. Beth ducked over the children as glass shattered all around them, raining down. It sparkled in the moonlight as it fell and spread across the floor. Her head snapped towards the second-floor landing and saw the windows to the balcony broken. Then, they started breaking downstairs too. The shock of the new development held her hostage for a moment, trying to figure out what to do. Where was safest for the kids?

       It didn’t occur to Beth to wonder what was shattering them until something sailed through one of the now open windows and burst at her feet. Liquid gushed all across the stairs, splashing her boots and pants. She stumbled back, looking around the floor franticly, when she saw some sort of pouch broken open a few steps down.

       She wiped her hand across her pants and brought it up to her nose, inspecting the liquid. It was thick and had an acrid chemical smell with an undertone of pine. She didn’t have to wonder what it was for long.

       Beth’s head whipped down towards the foyer after seeing a sudden change of movement. Whisperers were no longer going for kills, but fanning out along the walls, throwing themselves as far into the house as possible with no regard for their own lives. The sacks of fluid weren’t just being launched at the house from the outside. No, the Whisperers were making sure they were all doused in whatever it was.

       A whooshing sound boomed through the house followed by a resounding crack.

       In an instant, fire flared up all over Barrington House, following the path of the liquid. Beth glanced down at her hands, pants, and shoes all covered. The sacks were filled with pine sap. It was highly flammable and they were all covered in it.

       It was then she noticed her family was no longer fighting to keep the Whisperers out. Within the moments she was distracted, the tide of the battle had turned. The Whisperers were not longer trying to get into the house. They were trying to keep them from leaving, even at the cost of their own lives.

       And Beth realized, Alpha would never stop. She would sacrifice her own people to make sure they all burned. She had been disrespected one too many times. Lydia losing an arm was the final straw. This was no longer about winning a war. It wasn’t about killing them all. It was about breaking them.

       It was about how much pain she could inflict.

       The flames spread fast, billowing up the walls, engulfing the front door and some of the Whisperers who were trying to keep them in. Beth ushered the children away into a dry area, untouched by the sap. RJ was crying, his quiet sobs squeezing her chest.

       Beth searched franticly for a way out when she spotted Rick, who locked eyes on a Whisperer making a break for the study. He broke away from the line, careful to avoid the fire billowing up around him, and surged towards him. He rammed his boot into the back of the Whisperer’s knee and they crumbled to the ground with a crack.

       The Whisperer fought against Rick’s grasp, but he had him by the neck. Rick forced him towards the fire, slowly starting to consuming the door. Thankfully, Beth clocked what he was going to do before it happened.

       She hurriedly turned to Judith, RJ, and Hershel, “Keep your eyes on me. Don’t look anywhere else.” She herded into their space, trying to block their view of the door. Judith pulled RJ into her chest, protecting him even more as Hershel buried his face into her side.

       An animalistic scream erupted behind her, nearly making her jump out of her own skin. Beth glanced over her shoulder to see Rick holding the man out to Michonne, who gutted him with her katana. It glistened with dark, viscous blood. Rick held the man over the fire. The Whisperers blood drained from him, splashing onto the flames and nullifying the pine sap.

       Carl, Aaron, Ezekiel, Jerry, Maggie, Jesus and Glenn were keeping any other Whisperers at bay to make way for their escape. When the stream of blood ran out, Rick threw his body away, letting him burn in the flames consuming the study. The door was clear. Smoke started filling up the foyer and rising to the second floor. Having made an opening, Rick bellowed, “Go! Now!”

       Beth surged towards the door, pulling Judith, RJ, and Hershel behind her, “Keep your weapons out!” She stumbled through the chaos of her family still fighting to hold off the Whisperers in the house.

       Her and the children spilled out onto the porch, nearly running smack into a column. She got down the stairs and onto the gravel walkway, greedily breathing in gulps of fresh air into her tightened lungs. Beth’s hands lifted the chins of Judith, then RJ, then Hershel, checking to see they weren’t hurt.

       “We’re alright,” Judith whispered, her voice a bit croaky.

       Beth nodded letting out a shaky breath when coughing erupted behind her. Her knife was in her hand before she could even think, but relief barreled through her instead seeing Rick, Michonne, Glenn, Maggie, Aaron, Carl and all the others file out of the burning house.

       However, there wasn’t even a moment to sit in the relief of seeing her family mostly unharmed, when she heard the crunching of gravel coming from the direction of the front gate. Her head snapped to the source of the sound to see more decaying faces of the dead swimming in her vision. Her smoke addled, tear-stricken eyes were burning as she regripped her knife by the blade, getting ready to throw it if necessary.

       If they were smart, they would run, but that’s the thing about fanatics. They never gave in.

       The Whisperers loitered in the middle of the path, blocking the way towards the front gates and the tunnel exits. The flames consuming the walls roared behind them. It made their swaying figures all the more menacing. Their blades gleamed in the warm flickering light, catching her eye. For a second, Beth wondered if they’d back down, but she should have known better.

       Abruptly, Beth doubled over again. Shooting pain exploded through her abdomen and back. She tried to muffle her cries, but they spilled past her lips as she clutched onto her stomach. The Whisperer’s all turned to her, heads tilting like they were examining prey. Her knife remained clutched in her hand, but she was useless.

       Someone grabbed onto her, helping her stay standing. When she looked, her sister was staring down at her with panic swimming in her eyes. Almost like there was a silent command, her family closed in around her, shielding her from the Whisperers.

       Rick’s hatchet twirled in his hand. He was breathing heavily, eyes never leaving the enemy in front of him. She wouldn’t be surprised if steam started rushing out of his nose and ears like a raging bull.

       “Bethie…” Maggie pleaded.

       She nodded at her sister, words too difficult to form, and stood up straight just as the Whisperers charged. Their thundering footfalls echoed loudly in her already pounding head. Their war cries verged on manic as they closed the distance. Beth cringed at the imminent clash between them and her family, but it never came.

       Blood splattered the ground near Rick’s feet as the Whisperer a couple feet away collapsed in on himself. She clocked the bolt lodged in his forehead on the way down, creating a third eye. Then, another dropped to her left. The Whisperers were too caught off guard by the ambush coming from behind, they forgot to cover their front. Glenn, Aaron, and Michonne finished off the rest of them like it was nothing. Heads rolled. Throats were cut. Skulls were crushed.

       But she wasn’t paying attention to any of it. Her eyes were glued to the menacing shadow stalking towards her. The fire behind him threw the outline of his body into sharp contrast. Beth almost sobbed in relief even as another wave of pain cascaded over her, “Daryl!”

       He ran towards her, Carol following close behind, “Beth!” Her hands connected with him first before she buried her pain into his chest. Daryl’s arms wrapped around her, welcoming her home. Her gasps of agony from her seizing abdomen were muffled. Anyone would assume, she was just sobbing in relief at being reunited with her husband.

       With the crackling flames of their home burning around them and bodies littering the ground, Beth knew her pain wasn’t just a fluke. Safe in Daryl’s arms, she felt a popping sensation somewhere deep inside her and a slow trickle of liquid started to escape her.

       No, Beth wasn’t just in pain from the stress of the attack. She was in active labor.

 

~

           

       The night melted around him, obscuring him from view. His purpose was clear for the first time in a long time. Dead Whisperers littered his wake. Any one of them who saw his face had to go. He couldn’t risk them surviving and blowing all his plans wide open. As he left Hilltop behind, he checked to make sure they had a chance. The Whisperers were outnumbered and by the way they fought…they wouldn’t last.

       He would’ve never led the Saviors into a community like that with just knives and hope of a sneak attack. No backup. No other plan of attack. It was a waste of resources. Except, as he thought more about it, he paused.

       Alpha wasn’t stupid, but this plan of attack was stupid. Something wasn’t adding up. That’s when he heard a distant crack vibrate through the night like a death sentence. Negan heard it before he saw it. The crackling of fire. An orange hue flickered through the trees when he looked back in the direction of Hilltop. There it was. The rest of the plan. Burn them out. Trap them. She didn’t have to kill them all, but she could take down another community without losing numbers in her horde.

       Because really, her people weren’t jack shit. Her horde was her greatest resource.

       Negan hesitated for a moment, watching the flames grow, before making a decision.

       He crashed through the trees, getting further and further away from Hilltop by the second. Distant screams still followed him through the darkened woods, muffled under the croaking of the crickets and frogs. His responsibility wasn’t to save Hilltop. Beth set him on a path and that’s all he needed to worry about right now.

       He went in the direction he saw the Whisperers coming from, hoping to find a sign. Something. It crossed his mind more than once to leave and never look back, but a pesky voice in his head that sounded an awful lot like Lucille, told him to get his shit together.

       Negan hadn’t had any shit to get together in a long time. He rotted and rotted and did a little more rotting before he pulled his head out of his ass, making something of his imprisonment. He was certain he would die in that cellar, but Beth offered him something…different. The same woman who locked him away was setting him free. Trusting him to get shit done.

       The irony wasn’t lost on him. She ordered him to do his worst. To do her dirty work. And it sure as shit wasn’t lost on him what she asked for, but it didn’t come without its reward. Freedom.

       Was that even what he wanted anymore? When Beth first asked him to get Mika and Lydia back at all costs, he was relieved. Being useful had fallen off a short list of things he was actually allowed to do. And cleaning up horse shit and picking crops wasn’t cutting it.

       This was what he was good at. The ugly things. The ones no one wanted to do. He would’ve put up more of a fight just for the hell of it if it hadn’t been Beth asking. Would’ve picked her scabs, poked at where it hurt most. However, he knew, if she wasn’t pregnant, she would be the one out here getting those girls back herself. She never shrank from ugly. And he admired that.

       Negan knew from the moment Beth spit in his face when she was kneeling at his feet, she never took shit lying down. And whatever shit she was made of must have rubbed off on the girl he was tasked with retrieving at all costs. Mika wasn’t a bullshitter. It was hard to be anything but growing up in a world like this. But not Mika.

       She was a badass little ball of sunshine. Not exactly a spitfire, but quick as hell. She could punch her fist into his chest and root around until she found something to unravel. Usually, it hurt like hell, not that he deserved anything less. The strength she had baffled him when he looked back on it all.

       Despite being flayed open by a teenager, he thought back on his first true meeting with Mika fondly.

 

       "I know you...don't I?"

       The girl nodded as Negan got closer to the bars to get a better look at her. She was fidgeting. Barely looking at him, but when she lifted her chin, he was struck by the memory of a gut-wrenching scream. Negan was ripped back to the night at the Kingdom. He saw her crumbled onto the body of the man he killed. He learned his name later. Tyreese. He remembered the bile rising to the back of his throat at hearing her vocal cords shred as she screamed.

       The memory kicked him in the balls, taking all the wind out of his sails. Negan usually liked new visitors. Provided something interesting for a change, but this was different. This was a reckoning. One he wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready for.

       "Think you're in the wrong place," Negan tried to push her away. He knew no matter what he said, she was going to be disappointed. No amount of sorry or regret could change what he took from her.

       "I'm not," she said, stronger than he expected, despite her obvious twitching, "I don't wanna be afraid of the monster under my bed anymore."

       Negan had nothing to say. This was her rodeo, so he kept quiet. He wouldn't lie and say it didn't fucking hurt hearing her call him a monster. It was different when the word was coming from a kid. Well, he guessed she wasn't much of a kid anymore, but that's how he remembered her. He only ever wanted to be a monster to people who deserved it.

       "What were you like before?" Mika recited like she’d prepared her questions before hand, like she was on his parole panel.

       Negan kept his face neutral, but if her question wasn't a sucker punch to the balls, he didn't know what was. He didn't like to think about who he was before. Or what happened after. Not anymore

       "Hate to break it to ya, but even my memories have bars painted on ‘em,” he admitted, but sighed when her innocent eyes bore into him, “Can’t say I was much different.”

       Her eyes went wide, "You were a murderer before?"

       He huffed out a laugh, "No. But I am now.” Something itched all over his skin at the way she was looking at him, “So is your precious Beth. Daryl. Rick. I bet even you've gotten your hands dirty. Nobody left who's clean. We’re all monsters to someone, kid."

       She wrung her knuckles until they turned white, a spark of anger illuminating her eyes, "Are you sayin' they're no better than you?"

       He hit a nerve. The girl didn't even flinch when he called her murderer, but she did when he brought up the others. Guess she was still in that phase where she held the people who raised her on a pedestal. Where they couldn't do any wrong.

       “I’m sayin’ it coulda easily been one of them rottin’ away at Sanctuary. Locked away to be used as a symbol.”

       “Saviors…It had to’ve started out good, but something went bad along the way. And helping people became…wrong. None of it makes what you did okay. Tyreese was a good person. Aidan was a good person. What you did to Carl…” Her lips wobbled, but she kept going, landing blow after blow, “Do you regret any of it?”

       Negan told her what she needed to hear, “I regret you bein’ there to see it.”

       Mika stood in front of his cell, staring at him like she was trying to put a puzzle together that was missing half its pieces, “You shouldn’t lie.”

       He should have known any kid even partly raised by Beth fucking Dixon would see right through his half-truths.

 

       The memory faded, taking with it the darkness of the night. Dawn was breaking as he continued to walk aimlessly with a hatchet swinging at his side. But it wasn’t aimless, was it? Negan’s resolve hardened. Alpha made a rash move taking Mika. And it would be his pleasure to take her head for it.

       As it solidified, loud rustling had him freezing in place. The mask he wore so often at the Sanctuary secured tightly onto his face. His skin rippled at the new role he would have to play until he heard a soft voice speak his name, “Negan?”

       He rounded a copse of trees to see Lydia. The bags under her eyes were dark purple, starkly standing out on her bloodless face. However, it was her missing arm that really threw him for a loop, but she was alive. Not in Alpha’s clutches quite yet, which made everything a whole lot easier.

       Negan swung his hatchet over his shoulder, a grin tugging on his lips, "You got a plan or are ya just goin' off all halfcocked hopin' shit won't hit the fan?"

 

~

 

       Tree bark carved into her back, scratching through her shirt. Trickles of blood ran down her spine like bugs crawling over her skin. Her sight was taken from her. The prickly rag was tied too tightly over her eyes causing shapes to materialize in the darkness behind her eyelids. Rope bound her arms, hands, and chest awkwardly against the trunk of the tree. Her muscles ached and cramped. One of her arms had gone numb, but Mika never made a peep. She kept quiet, biding her time.

       Carol used to tell her she had to kill to survive sometimes. She told her over and over again, sometimes softly, sometimes in frustration. Even if she was little and sweet, she had to toughen up. And she did.

       Mika remembered the day her sister died. Still dreamt about her. Remembered the day Bob died and how it felt to kill. At the time, she thought it felt like dying. Then, she shot Pete to protect Jessie and Sam. And Mika wondered if Lizzie would have been proud of her for making it this far. If her sister would have even made it this far, because more and more lately, Mika was convinced she wouldn't have. She cried in Carl's arms the first time the thought crossed her mind. Her sister was always going to die. Lizzie wasn't supposed to make it any further.

       Then, Lydia happened. And she became what Lizzie couldn't, a sister who made it. She was supposed to survive because she hadn't gotten a chance yet. Mika was certain. It was so easy to let Lydia into her heart. Carl told her as much:

 

       "You trust too easily..." Carl insisted, sharpening the spear on their walker defenses outside Alexandria. People flowed around them exiting and entering the community, getting ready for the Fair at Kingdom.

       Mika sighed, "I do, but that's because you don't. Both of us can't be that way or we'd end up alone."

       He shook his head, "We'd still have our family. Don't need anything else." The sound of sharpening paused and Mika looked up to see Carl staring into her like he was willing her to understand.

       She reached up, running her thumb over his lower lip. His eye closed and the tension left his face and shoulders. Seeing him relax under her touch still made her head spin. It not only comforted him, but her too, especially as her next words left her, "You're livin' like this is all borrowed time. It's not. Leave all the borrowed time out on the road. All it's good for is puttin' nooses around our necks. We're livin' and we can't expect it to all be bad. Defeats the purpose of it all."

       Awe flashed across his face as his hand cupped her jaw to guide her closer, “No borrowed time?”

       The corners of her lips started to turn up, a giddy feeling running around her chest at the way Carl was looking at her. She shook her head as an excuse to nuzzle into his hand further, “No borrowed time.”

       She repeated it like a promise.

 

       The memory felt heavy now given the circumstances, but she drew comfort from logic. Alpha could have killed her at any time between the moment she confronted her outside the cellar at Hilltop to the long hike they took to get to the Whisperer’s camp. Mika knew she had something bigger planned. No doubt to draw out Daryl or Beth or, maybe even worse, Lydia.

       Daryl always told her to be calm and patient when it was time to hunt. She had to understand her prey to be able to trap it. Or kill it efficiently. He told her to watch. To wait. To listen and learn. It contradicted everything inside her to kill something innocent. Whether animal or person.

       So, she learned how to flush out innocence. Not just in others, but herself. It never came easy to her, but she learned to kill when necessary. When there was no innocence left in a person, her own ran and hid, waiting for her to finish what she had to do in order to emerge back into the light. Daryl never faulted her for it.

       Carol wanted her to survive at any cost and Mika had to let some of herself die in order to do that. She understood that now. What her mom encouraged was necessary. And she was constantly grateful Carol found her, Tyreese, Lizzie, and Judith after the prison fell. Everything her mom did was fueled by love. No parent should have to outlive their own child. When Mika thought about her survival in terms of others, things became a lot clearer. Surviving wasn’t just about herself. It was about her family.

       On the other hand, Carl tended to overcompensate because she still trusted. Still believed in goodness and innocence. Still guarded it herself. Mika saw how he tried to balance it out by not trusting anyone or anything. By always expecting the worst. However, when she dimmed and hope became too much, he did it for her. Carl became what she needed, always willing to fight one way or another.

       However, Daryl, her dad, never once asked her why. Never once asked her to change or be someone else. He protected the light she still harbored closely. And a part of her wondered if he tried to do the same for Beth after she came back from Sanctuary different. If he tried and failed to protect her light, and that's why he worked so hard to keep hers lit. He taught her how to survive. How to hunt. How to kill. What to listen for, look for, feel for. He made sure she was deadly so she could be who she wanted to be.

       Now more than ever, she had to be patient and calm. Had to be deadly, because it wasn’t just time to survive. It was time to hunt.

       So, Mika listened and gathered information. The Whisperers were a lot more organized than she originally thought. They had a system and way of life. She hadn’t been able to gather much yet until around midday when a commotion broke out around the camp.

       People scurried about, a low hum settling over everything. Mika turned her ear towards the noise, hoping to catch a bit of something.

       There was some sort of scuffle before Mika completely froze as a loud, familiar voice filled the camp, “Holy shit. Would you relax. Not gonna knock any of the golden information I have for you loose.”

       Mika was completely frozen as Negan’s voice overtook her senses. A million questions crossed her mind in an instant. How was he here? Did someone send him? Did he escape? What happened at Hilltop? What was his plan? Did he mean to join them or take them down from the inside?

       “Kneel before the Alpha,” someone hissed.

       There was a thud as something was thrown on the ground. An eerie quietness took over the camp. One that only happened when Alpha was around. The hair on the back of her neck stood up as Negan spoke again, because it wasn’t the Negan she got to know down in the cellar of Hilltop. He was gone.

       Mika had an answer to her question. Negan wasn’t joining the Whisperers. He was here to take them down, because the Negan who spoke was the same one she remembered hearing as she wept over Tyreese’s body. This Negan was hell bent on destruction and ruin. He was playing a dangerous game. And she’d have to play with him.

       “Hi, I’m Negan. We haven’t formally met, but I sure as hell know who you are. Whether my reputation proceeds me or not…Whatever you want. Whatever I got. It’s yours.”

Notes:

So, originally, I was going to continue Beth's POV in this chapter, but I really didn't want to rush her labor and I didn't want it shoved into a chapter with so many other things happening. So, that will all be for next chapter :)

Hilltop has fallen similarly to the show except instead of the horde, Alpha decided on a sneak attack like what happened in Alexandria in the show. There's a reason she didn't use the horde and there's a reason she's attacking the communities in a specific order.

There are a few unlikely things in this chapter, but I hope you can suspend your disbelief slightly. Rick putting a small fire out with Whisperer blood is a grotesque and cool visually. Do I think it would work in real life? Hell no, lol. But the action is more to see Rick's headspace without writing his POV. This is Rick when his children are threatened and in active danger. There's nothing too dark he wouldn't do to keep them alive and safe.

Someone last chapter guessed Braxton Hicks contractions...welp lol. Nope, baby Dixon is coming early. I don't think its a stretch to think Beth was forced into early labor because of all the stress considering everything that happened at Oceanside up until now. Beth is four weeks off from her "intended" due date, so do with that information as you will. I really tried my best to balance Beth's badassery with her being very limited due to her pregnancy. It's an interesting tightrope to walk.

Carol and Daryl are back with the group after discovering some pretty VITAL information lol, but we'll have to wait and see what they do with it...

We have an interesting Negan POV. So, in the show, I believe Negan did like Alpha and enjoyed feeling needed and useful. He says as much to Daryl after he saves his life. And I think a part of Negan drew out his time with Alpha because he did like having that power back. However, in this story, Beth has given him a purpose. Has made him feel useful. She included him in certain things and so did Mika and the Maggie and even Glenn. I think Negan is almost less isolated in this story than he was in the show, so I don't think he'd waver as much.

Finally, Mika's POV. I am really proud of this part of the chapter. I really really enjoyed writing her character because she is so different from a lot of the other characters. I can't wait to hear what you guys think because she's going to be an integral part to this story moving forward.

Anyways, all the love and see you next Sunday <3

Chapter 72: Blood and Moonshine

Notes:

Hello lovelies! This may be one of the most important chapters I've ever written. And I can't wait to hear your thoughts. This has been a long time coming and I'm so proud to finally be putting out this chapter. My end notes will be lengthy, but it if you want to understand more about what went on behind the decisions in this chapter, they'll be down there.

You all are amazing. Thank you so much for everything you've done for this story, truly <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       Everything whirled around her. Pulsing in and out of her vision, but one thing stayed fixed. Angel wings. Worn, raggedy angel wings. Her angel of death. Her angel of comfort. Her angel. Beth would follow him to the ends of the Earth. Into the depths of hell. And all the way to heaven. She’d follow him.

       Her mind was blank. All she could do was keep those angel wings in her sights. Stumble behind them. Crawl, if she had to.

       Beth was wrapped in a cocoon of pain. Even when it came to a rolling stop, the echoes of it still persisted. But she wasn’t scared. With their home burning behind them, she felt calm, because this pain was something she signed up for. Beth was screaming on the inside, begging for relief, but she knew there was an end.

       Her family was here. They were together. Alive. Not separated. Her angel was here, doing everything he could to find them a safe place to hole up for the rest of the night before making the long trek to Alexandria. And Daryl didn’t know yet, but it would most likely be the place their daughter would be born. It wasn’t ideal. She knew that, but when had anything ever been ideal for them. She learned to roll with the punches a long time ago.

       Maggie stayed steadfastly by her side like she sensed something was up. It was getting harder and harder to hide her contractions, but she needed to hold out. The minute everyone knew, the focus would shift onto her. And, right now, all she needed was shelter, which Daryl, Rick, and Glenn were already doing hastily. She didn’t need to add the extra stress on top, but she knew walking would eventually become a distant memory. Hiding the pain even more so.

       Carl, Michonne, and Jerry kept watch over Judith, RJ, and Hershel. Aaron and Jesus had the group’s backs covered, while Carol and Ezekiel watched their sides. The people of Hilltop knew where to go, but she was surprised they hadn’t run into anyone else yet. Edwards, Noah, Jessie, Sam, Enid, Alden. Anyone. She prayed they got out safe.

       Abruptly, Judith halted, the forest brush rustling, as she turned her head back towards the direction they had come, "Wait! What about Negan?" Her eyes were round with concern, darting between all the adults.

       Everyone stopped. Beth observed multiple different reactions. Guilt. Fear. Relief. Indifference. Beth didn’t blame them, but she wasn’t going to keep the truth to herself, "He's gone."

       Heads snapped to her, but Carl’s incredulous gaze was what twisted her insides the most, "What do you mean he's gone?"

       Now was not the time to waver in her choice. She made the decision and now she had to live with it, "I made'a deal with him. If he got Mika an' Lydia back to us…he's free."

       "What—" Glenn drew back.

       “Beth?” Her sister questioned.

       However, the only person she looked to was Daryl as the wave of information crashed into everyone. His eyes were searching hers until they must have found the conviction within them. Daryl’s chin dipped slightly so only she could see. Dipped in acceptance and understanding.

       "And what makes you think you should've made that decision on your own without talkin' to any of us?" Carl pushed. Beth cringed at the accusation, because in her own selfishness at wanting to get Mika and Lydia back, she forgot to consider how it would affect everyone else who had suffered under the hands of Negan.

       Daryl growled, coming to her defense, "Carl—"

       "No! Everything Negan does is for himself. And you wanna trust him with Mika? Lydia? All of our lives! You wanna send him right into Alpha's hands when he has every reason to turn on us. We've kept him prisoner for eight years, Beth! Or did you forget?"

       Rick stepped in between her and Carl, his voice low and reprimanding as he stared at his son, "We don't have time for this. It’s done.”

       Beth walked around Rick, letting her hand graze his arm in thanks, but Carl was right. She had to answer for the choice she made. Wild darkness whirled at the edges of Carl’s eye as it narrowed in on her, "You have every right ta be angry with me. I'm sorry. All I was thinkin' 'bout was usin' every resource we had to find 'em. I wasn't thinkin' past that. Just that I felt useless sittin' at Hilltop doin' nothin' when I knew there was somethin' else we could leverage. He cares 'bout 'em both. I know he does. An' I know ya don't trust him, Carl. But trust me…"

       Carl was quiet, his chest almost heaving. He shuffled, looking around the woods like it would provide an answer for him. Beth could feel Daryl hovering behind her. His body heat caressed her back in a gentle embrace.

       Tension built the longer the silence hung in the air, but eventually, his head dipped and Carl nodded. It wasn’t complete acceptance. He heard her reasoning, but Beth had no doubt they would circle around to it again once they were all safe. Guilt swirled in her gut still, but she was able to breath a lot easier now.

       But it still felt off. Beth remembered seeing Carl when she came back to Alexandria for the first time after Sanctuary. Without exchanging any words, she had known the same anger, hatred, guilt, and numbness had taken root in him the same way it had her. Carl understood the darkness she had swathed herself in, so no wonder he was exasperated at her change in heart when it came to keeping Negan locked up.

       It was a last resort. She was playing dirty. Beth wasn’t proud of it, but it couldn’t be undone now. She wouldn’t take back her promise to Negan if he succeeded, but she did owe Carl more than a half assed apology.

       Beth walked towards him carefully, taking his hand in hers. Him blinking was the only indication he was surprised by her actions. She whispered so only he could hear, “I’m so sorry, Carl. Last thing I ever wanna do is hurt you. I shoulda come ta you…”

       His eye darted around her face looking for something until his head dipped and he nodded again, “Yeah, you should’ve…” His tone wasn’t accusatory anymore. It was defeated, which may have been worse. However, a light flickered at the end of the tunnel when he squeezed her hand back in comfort and reassurance.

       When Beth finally pulled away, the tension among the group was a lot lighter.

       Another wave of pain constricted her body, locking up her limbs. Beth dug her nails into her palm. She felt the skin give way and release droplets of blood onto the forest floor and stain her forearms. Her breathing became sporadic as she tried to bury her pain.

       Maggie came over and clutched her arm. Without even looking, she could see concern twisting her sister’s features. Could see her trying to catch her eye. The voice her sister used to speak was soft and quiet like she was scared to spook her with a simple question, “Is everythin’—”

       Suddenly, her sister’s head snapped up and away. The group all froze around her. Daryl rounded her, subconsciously shielding her from whatever made the noise. All heads were turned in the same direction. Daryl’s arm came out across her body, pushing her further behind him, while Maggie guarded her back.

       As the pain subsided and her agony addled brain fog disappeared for a brief moment, Beth finally heard the sound clearly for the first time.

       Moans. Wails of suffering. The symphony of distress was only a bit louder than the cacophony of croaking frogs and singing cicadas. A particularly sharp cry made the blood in her body run cold. Rick, Jesus, and Aaron stalked ahead towards the sounds. As they got closer, the noises grew louder, causing flashes of memories long since past appear in her mind, ripping through her like bullets.

       You said we couldn’t trust anyone. That monsters wore human faces. You lied. You lied!

       Monster!

       We’ll free you. You’re trapped. People don’t belong here anymore. We want everything you have, then you’ll be free.

       Little mouse. Little mouse. You don’t belong here.

       Give us your shit ‘an tell us where you’re holing up an’ maybe not all’a ya have to die.

       You can breathe. You can blink. You can cry. Hell, you’re all gonna be doin’ that.

       To live with the dead means to live in silence. If the mother can’t quiet the child…then the dead will. Natural selection.

       Beth followed closely behind Daryl, but every time she blinked, her memories played out behind her eyelids. The wails only added a soundtrack to her nightmares. Each carved out a place for itself in her mind and body. When the screams started to get louder as they drew even closer to the source, her memories became clearer. No longer were they playing in black in white, but vivid color.

       Then, everyone halted again, but this time Daryl turned around, gazing down at her. The alarm and horror tensing up his body seeped into her, “Don’t. Just look at me.”

       Beth grabbed onto his forearm for stability. Some of her family gasped, some wretched, some sobbed, but she never looked away from Daryl. She trusted him. It crossed her mind she had just done the same thing to protect Judith, RJ, and Hershel from seeing the brutality of survival. But Beth knew this had nothing to do with survival.

       “Please…”

       Beth’s head snapped towards the gurgled call, moving around Daryl instinctually to get to the voice. And what she was met with nearly made her crumble to her knees. The pain of her labor nothing compared to the sight she was met with.

       Bodies lined the trees. They were strapped against them in a scattered line like scarecrows. Some growled, already turned. However, many still moaned in pain, breathes away from freefalling into death. And everything clicked.

       Alpha’s plan wasn’t just to burn down Hilltop and sack another community. It wasn’t to kill them all. As the faces of the people became familiar, Beth truly understood pure evil. She had stared into the face of it when Alpha beheaded Frances outside the gates of Alexandria. She knew when her own daughter had rather die than be with her another minute. She knew when she stuck the heads of her family on pikes to mark the border of her land.

       Beth knew, but she hadn’t accepted it. Refused to believe pure evil existed. She’d seen sick. Twisted. Disgusting. Vile. But Alpha was all of them and more.

       Jessie, Sam, Enid, Alden, Sheppard, Dr. Carson, Earl, Tammy.

       They were gutted, strapped to the trees, and left to bleed out or for walkers to devour. They were put on display for them to find. Beth thought back to Hilltop and she realized every entrance and exit was set ablaze. All except one. The East tunnel exit. They were herded here to witness.

       “Please…”

       The plea came again and this time she saw who they were coming from. Sam was slumped against his restraints, blood pouring out of his stomach and mouth. His gaze remained glued to his mother, who was growling and screeching trying to get past her restraints to devour her own son. A sob broke through Beth’s chest at the sight.

       Rick walked up to Jessie and slid his knife into the back of her skull as gently as possible, while Jesus and Daryl ran to Sam. Daryl cut the restraints and Sam’s body fell into Jesus’s arms. He lowered him to the ground, cradling his head, but even from afar, Beth could see the tension leave Sam’s body. She could see relief flood through him at being in the arms of someone who helped raise and teach him. And then, he was gone. The final death rattle left his chest in a contented sigh.

       The others rushed past Jesus further into the woods to either comfort or end their own people. They were sitting ducks, but what did it matter anymore? The Whisperers must know not to cross them right now, because there would be no death slow enough.

       Glenn collapsed next to Enid as Maggie rested a hand on his shoulder and looked blankly over at Alden’s dead body. Family and two of Hilltops most trusted advisors.

       Beth couldn’t breathe as Ezekiel, Aaron, and Jerry gently put the others out of their misery. They lowered them to the ground, heads bent in mourning.

       However, underneath all the mourning, there was hatred. Rage. And a bloodlust for revenge.

       In the midst of death and the vile inner workings of Alpha’s mind, a cry left Beth’s lips abruptly. Agony crippled her body and her knees gave out. She couldn’t keep it in any longer. Guilt spiraled through her at taking away her family’s ability to mourn. They needed to grieve. Needed to feel the loss. Instead, she was throwing something else at them.

       Daryl was at her side instantly as everyone’s heads whipped towards her in alarm. The questioning panic in his eyes was almost unbearable to look at, but she managed to grit out, “The baby’s comin’.”

       He froze for a second, glancing down at her stomach, before his eyes found hers again, “Gonna find ya some place, alright.”

       No accusations were thrown her way even though she kept it from him. He reassured her. Soothed her. In his own way, he told her everything was going to be all right. Beth wasn’t just panicking about giving birth out in the wild without Siddiq or Edwards or Carson. She was panicking about their baby girl being born four weeks early. Logically, Beth knew babies had been born completely healthy during that time, but she couldn’t help but think all the stress had induced an early labor.

       What if her daughter wasn’t ready to be born yet? What if she needed more time and the constant barrage of traumatic events forced her to come too soon? She shook her head trying to clear away the thoughts. It didn’t matter what triggered her labor. Her daughter was coming and she had to focus on that even has guilt spiraled into her mind at taking away from her family who lay dead at her feet.

       Maggie, Rick, and Michonne rushed to Daryl’s side. The same look of alarm etched onto their faces as they looked at her.

       Beth breathed out through the pain, “Contractions are ‘bout three minutes apart.”

       “Why did ya wait so long to tell us? You’re gonna have to start pushin’ soon,” Maggie exclaimed, less accusatory and more worried.

       “We need to get somewhere now—” Rick started.

       Jesus jumped in, “There’s a barn not too far from here if you keep heading east and then turn south when you hit the road. It’s near the T-intersection. Aaron and I found it scouting when we were looking for checkpoints between Alexandria and Hilltop during the Savior war. It’s not ideal, but it’s the closest form of shelter I can think of.”

       “Good,” Daryl grunted as he crouched down beside Beth and gathered her into his arms.

       She huffed through the pain until it subsided again, “I can try an’ walk for as long as I can.”

       “Nah,” Daryl immediately shot down, before turning to Rick with her cradled in his arms, “Need ya—”

       “Don’t gotta ask. We’ll get there,” Rick interrupted, determination hardening his gaze.

       Aaron stepped forward, “I’m going to stay back. Check the outskirts of Hilltop and see if there are anymore…I’ll see you back at Alexandria.” He turned to her and added with a warm smile, “Hopefully, with a new addition to the family.”

       The King declared, “I’ll go with Aaron.”

       “If the King’s goin’ so am I,” Jerry added.

       Jesus somberly looked at the bodies littering the ground, “I’m going to stay and bury them.”

       Rick nodded, “You all watch your backs. You don’t know how many’a them are still out here.”

       They were about to part ways when Carl spoke up, “Dad, I’m goin’ with them.”

       Rick’s head snapped to his son, “Carl—”

       “No, I gotta do this. If Mika’s out here…” he glanced at Carol, “It’s should be one of us.”

       Silence fell over the group. Beth’s heart strained against her chest seeing the turmoil in Carl’s eyes. He had already thought about the worst-case scenario. If Alpha was putting bodies on display, nothing would break them more than if she did the same to Mika.

       Rick looked like he was about to argue when Michonne placed a hand on his chest. A look of understanding passed between Michonne and Carl as Carol stepped forward. She was clearly battling her own demons thinking about her daughter in Alpha’s hands, “I’m going with him. She’s my daughter…”

       It was decided.

       Carol came up to her and brushed a hand over the crown of her head in a gesture of motherly love, “When we get back, I want first dibs on holding that baby.”

       The optimism surged through Beth, helping settle some of the stress constricting her chest. Beth nodded as a small smile curled her lips. Carol joined Ezekiel, Jerry, Aaron, Jesus, and Carl. Rick and Michonne both crushed Carl into a hug as Judith and RJ clung to his legs.

       Then, all too soon, they were moving. Beth watched over Daryl’s shoulder as part of her family disappeared from her view, but her eyes never left Carl. For a moment, she saw him as the helpless bloody boy who’d been shot by Otis. Stood like a ghost, eyes vacant and unseeing, then he disappeared. And Carl stood in his place, strong and steadfast. A pillar made of marble.

       He'd been chipped away at over the grueling years, but he was still standing. Still unwavering. As Beth clung to Daryl, she saw the same thing in Carl she saw in Rick and Daryl. There was a dark brutality simmering beneath his skin.

       And he’d harness it all to protect those he loved.

 

~

 

       Dawn was starting to break when Rick and Michonne cleared the barn. It was small, rundown and seemingly gone untouched for years. Daryl barreled through the door with her still in his arms. The pain hadn’t stopped and she felt an intense urge to push. When she tapped Daryl’s chest, he carefully lowered her to her feet, but still kept his arms around her.

       “Glenn, hand me your button down,” Maggie urged. Glenn quickly took off his knife holster and shrugged off his button down. He handed it to Maggie, leaving him in just a short sleeve shirt.

       In the background, Beth heard Rick quietly talking to the three kids, “Aunt Beth needs us to be strong. We’re gonna keep the perimeter ‘round the barn clear. Alright?”

       All three of them nodded, brandishing their various weapons. If she wasn’t in immense, Earth-shattering pain, she would’ve giggled at the scowls of determination the children were trying to emulate. Rick, Glenn, and the children filed out of the barn to keep watch and get rid of any oncoming walkers who might be drawn by her shouts.

      Maggie threw Glenn’s shirt down onto the cleanest part of the floor, near the wall, before she turned back to Beth, “We gotta get your pants off. Your body knows what to do, Beth. Don’t fight it.” Maggie wasted no time in helping her drag her jeans down her legs. Daryl crouched down next to her and took her boots off so she could fully step out of her pants.

       “Help her sit. I need ta see how far along ya are,” Maggie commanded. Daryl immediately wrapped his arms around her and helped lower her to the ground and onto the shirt.

       When he went to crouch next to her, Beth scrambled to grab onto his arm, “Can ya sit behind me?” She needed to feel him. He made her sane and right now she felt anything but. Daryl didn’t even hesitate. He slid in behind her so he was against the wall and she rested against his chest.

       Beth grabbed onto Daryl’s hands when the pain started to crescendo again. Her sister kneeled in front of her, gently placing her hands on her knees, and pulled them apart, “I can already see some of her hair. When ya feel the urge to push, do it.”

       While Rick and Glenn were outside the barn walking the perimeter with the kids, Michonne kept guard at the door. However, Beth could tell she was ready to jump in if Maggie needed her help. It was a struggle to focus on anything but being ripped apart from the inside out. A battering ram pounded every one of her senses.

       The musk of the barn was making her head throb. Her skin crawled and pulsed with overstimulation. Every little sound became piercing, even her own sporadic pants felt like little ice picks driving through her skull. Her taste buds were virtually sand paper at this point and her throat was sore from trapping all her groans of pain in the back of her throat.

       A sudden urge to push overwhelmed her suddenly and Beth bore down, listening to Maggie’s instructions. An intense burning sensation ricocheted through her body consuming her every thought and feeling as a groan flew past her lips. Her fingers dug into Daryl’s thighs. She was sure she’d have to apologize later for drawing blood. When the urge past, she slumped back against his chest.

       The pressure in her pelvis made her want to tear out her baby with her own hands just to get some relief. Beth squirmed in pain, burning from the inside out. When the urge to push overtook her again, she gladly did even as the anguish multiplied with each push. Daryl held her steady, offering her any part of his body to grab a hold of.

       “I can see her head. Ya need ta stop pushin’ now, Beth. I know it’s hard, but try relaxin’ as much as possible. You’re crownin’,” Maggie instructed calmly.

       Beth’s head fell back against Daryl’s shoulder, squeezing her eyes shut trying to relax. The need to push strangled her again, but she forced herself to not to. It was agony. Her whole body felt like it was tearing itself in half.

       Incoherent words spilled from her lips, “Please…It hurts. I can’t. I need ta push.”

       “Just two more contractions. She’s comin’ quickly. Then, ya can start pushin’ gently. Gently,” Maggie repeated, answering her pleas.

       Beth sobbed, “Daryl…”

       He grabbed hold of her hands, “I’m here. I’m right here.” His voice flowed over her and settled somewhere in her heart, giving her another surge of energy. She was delivering their daughter. At the end of this, they were going to meet their daughter. She wouldn’t accept any other outcome. Before she could reply, another contraction hit her, a sharp gasp filled the air as she tensed up trying not to push.

       Maggie grinned reassuringly at her, “Good. Just one more, then ya can start pushin’ again.” Then, her sister turned to Michonne standing by the door with her katana out and ready, “Michonne, can ya find me somethin’ ta wrap the baby in. I’m not seein’ anythin’ in here.”

       “Yeah, hold on,” Michonne answered and disappeared through the door. Muffled voices carried through the barn from outside.

       The sun had broken the horizon, so everything was becoming lighter. Rays of sunlight were starting to sneak through the window near the roof. Another contraction welled up inside her while Michonne was still outside. Daryl whispered encouragements into her ear: Come on, girl. You’re doin’ great. Almost there. I love you. Each was spoken with such care so as not to overwhelm her more.

       A sliding sensation caused Beth to sit up and adjust her position. “Her heads out,” Maggie explained. The small amount of relief she felt for a brief second as the burning sensation disappeared was enough to give her fuel to keep going. “Couple more pushes. Almost there.”

       Beth bore down with less strength than she originally used, broken cries echoing through the room. Her chest was heaving as she tried to breath through the pain. In her haze, Michonne reentered the barn and handed Maggie another shirt. Smaller than the one she was laying on, so she could only assume it was Judith or Hershel’s button up.

       Maggie’s hands disappeared between her legs, “One more big push, Beth.”

       The second the wave hit her, Beth pushed, completely disregarding what Maggie said earlier about being gentle. She needed her baby out now. Beth pushed through gritted teeth. There was an immense burning that threatened to eat her alive, but it wasn’t just the burning. It was the pressure. It was so intense a scream ripped from her throat.

       Almost as if her scream silenced the world, everything disappeared. Relief flooded her senses as her body wilted against Daryl. An immense ache was still present, but the burning, the pressure, it was gone. Beth peeled her eyes open and focused on the bloody scene before her.

       Silence.

       Then, a sharp high-pitched screech filled the barn.

       Beth’s whole body tugged towards the sound. Her baby. Her daughter. That was her daughter crying. She was alive.

       If Beth wasn’t crying before, she was sobbing now and so was Maggie. Her sister carefully wrapped her baby up in the shirt, wiping off her face and body. Michonne had the most blinding, watery smile on her face as she looked down at her daughter.

       Maggie’s eyes locked with hers. There was so much weight, history, and love behind them. When her sister placed her daughter into her arms, Beth couldn’t imagine any of this going any other way. The dirty dilapidated barn. Maggie helping her niece into the world. Daryl at her back. She wouldn’t change a thing.

       Her tears nearly blinded her when she glanced down at her baby for the first time. So small, but her cheeks were red and her lungs were strong. She’d never seen anything so small. One wrong move and Beth was afraid she’d crush her. The smattering of dirty blonde hair on the top of her head only made a delirious giggle burst from her chest followed by a choked sob. Beth knew she’d probably end up with brown hair just like her daddy when she grew up.

       The same tug Beth felt when she first heard her scream was lax and glowing now that her baby girl was in her arms.

       Rush after rush of emotions crashed into her. There was nothing she didn’t feel. Everything hit her all at once. The years of loss and pain and grief. It choked her airways. All the memories of the people she lost flashed before her eyes. Everything they taught her glowing in different parts of her mind and body, because without them, Beth wouldn’t have her.

       Years of love and loyalty and survival rose to meet all the pain and suffering. Facing it head on in a battle of light and dark, but Beth learned a long time ago, light and dark existed together. One couldn’t be without the other. She learned to let them coexist inside her. One kept her alive and the other allowed her to live.

       Beth gazed down at her sweet baby girl cradled in her arms and she knew there was nothing her light or dark wouldn’t do to protect and love her until her last breath. Her entire world shifted in an instant, narrowing her entire purpose to her daughter. Their daughter. Beth never knew she could love someone so much and instantly, but she guessed it made sense. Their daughter was made out of undeniable and enduring love. It couldn’t be any other way.

       She struggled to turn away from her, but when she did, Beth sobbed again. Tears wet Daryl’s face as he looked down at her and his daughter. Rapture, relief, awe, and devastation. She’d seen them all cross Daryl’s face more than once, but never all at the same time.

       He somehow maneuvered himself out from behind her without her knowing. Maggie had taken up the mantle of supporting her back. However, her eyes remained on Daryl. He was kneeling next to her like he was repenting at an altar. Tears burned heavy in her eyes, blurring her vision, “Daryl…you wanna hold her?” Beth was already handing her over before he nodded.

       She was tiny in his big arms, a beautiful and pure piece of light resting against his chest. Their baby was whimpering, still overwhelmed with coming into the world. Daryl lightly caressed her head as he whispered softly, “Hi, sweetheart.”

       Beth used Maggie to help set herself up against the wall. Her whole body felt like it had been run over by a train, but she’d be damned if she missed seeing Daryl hold his daughter for the first time. He rocked her gently, handling her like she was glass.

       Shuffling boots sounded near the door and Maggie quickly took the shirt she’d laid out on the ground and draped it over her legs. It was covered in blood and fluids, but Beth couldn’t care less. All she could do was let her gaze drift back and forth between Daryl and their baby resting comfortably in his arms.

       Rick came over first. Fresh blood was splattered on his shirt. She looked up at him in fear, but he just smiled and shook his head. Nothin’ to be worried about. His eyes drifted over to Daryl, tears welling up as he wiped his shaking hand across his face.

       “Does she have a name?” Rick asked gently, wrapped an arm around Michonne who melted into his side.

       Beth looked back to Daryl for confirmation and reassurance that the name they talked about still felt right to him. He was still gazing down at his daughter wrapped up in his arms like she was the most precious thing in the world. And she was. Seeing him look at her with such awe and love was overwhelming.

       Her hand softly caressed his forearm to get his attention. When he looked up at her finally, she was struck with the shift in his gaze. It was minute, but she felt it nonetheless. His love poured over her in buckets, but behind his tear-strained, piercing blue eyes was gratitude and complete and utter devotion. It took her breath away and left her reeling with all the devastating emotions exploding through her.

       It was hard to put into words how suddenly her whole body and soul made room for so much love. Not just for her daughter, but for Daryl too. She thought she had explored all the crevices and depths of her love for him, but she was entirely wrong. Their daughter showed her there was always more love to give. There was always room for it.

       Beth had given her life for the sake of family. She never once regretted it, but now, she truly understood the real meaning of what it meant to have her heart exist outside her body. Her daughter held it in her hands.

       She ran her finger over her baby’s cheek, “You still think the name fits?”

       Daryl nodded, “Ain’t no other name for her.” She smiled up at him, agreeing wholeheartedly.

       When she turned back to Rick and Michonne, eyes glistening as they watched on. Maggie was still crouched down next to her. Glenn hung back with the kids, but not far. Beth realized there wasn’t a dry eye in the barn. She grabbed onto her sister’s hand, “Annette Mae Dixon. Annette for my mama. And Mae for Daryl’s… They both deserved more time.”

       Her sister squeezed onto her hand tightly, “Bethie…she’s beautiful.” There were a whole lot of words behind her sister’s glance as she looked over her shoulder to Hershel, who was standing in the protective arms of Glenn. Hershel and Annette. Reunited in another life. It would be a harder life. A scarier one, but they born into this world to be fighters. They would be loved. Protected by the village. And that’s all she could truly ask for.

       Daryl gently laid her daughter back into her arms, but he kept his hand on her like he physically couldn’t pull away. It almost engulfed her whole body. And Beth could already see the protectiveness in Daryl dial up tenfold. He would be her shield and her sword.

       "She's perfect," Daryl said softly, "Ya did so good, girl." He kissed the crown of her head and Beth leaned into it before turning and capturing his lips with her own. It was gentle and kind, healing all the corners of her battered body. Her husband stared down at her with their entire history in his piercing gaze, "Ya gave me everythin', Beth. Gave me'a family. Made me'a husband. A father. Never thought I'd have any'a that. Ain't nothin' I could—” The words got caught in his throat, but he pushed out the only three that mattered, “I love you.”

       A sob caught on her lips as fresh tears spilled onto her cheeks, "I love you, Daryl. I love you. Ya don't gotta thank me for anythin'. We made all this together. This life. Our daughter. We fought for all of it. Spilled blood for it.” A grin suddenly tugged at her cheeks, “An' some moonshine too."

       Daryl huffed out a laugh, "Gonna fuckin' hope she ain't a pyromaniac like her mom."

       She giggled, but winced in pain to which Daryl whispered a soft sorry into her temple. However, she still added, "Or her daddy. I ain't the only one who set that fire."

       “Nah, ya sure ain’t.”

       It was an acknowledgement of where everything began. Where they both reached an understanding.  Where they were stripped raw. Where they began to live for each other. It was a simple acknowledgment, but Beth read between the lines. Felt the weight of his words. She heard him loud and clear: We burn together.

Notes:

Wow. This chapter truly feels like it’s been in the making for so long. Ever since Daryl saw a “vision” of the two kids he could have with Beth all the way back in Fleeting Glimpse. It’s really hard to put into words how much getting to this point in the story means to me. This may be the longest “full circle” close I’ve done. I have been building up Beth and Daryl having a baby by dropping hints and foreshadowing since Chapter 16 and maybe even before that.

I’m so proud of how much work and creativity I’ve put into this story, but I am specifically proud about this arc for both Daryl and Beth. There was never a moment where I felt like this path for them felt “off”. It was so clear this was where everything was leading for them, but I knew it was going to take a lot of work to get there.

And we are finally here! I couldn’t be happier! Thank you all so much for being the best readers any person could ever ask for. Seriously, I do not deserve you guys. I hope this chapter was as fulfilling for you as it was for me <3

Of course, I can’t not talk about our new addition, Annette Mae Dixon. Oh boy, I had so many names picked out for this beautiful baby girl. All for different scenarios depending on which way the story went. However, in the end, this name was the only one that felt right to me. You guys know I HATE making up important backstory for characters that isn’t already canon. I like sticking with what we know from the show. However, it was really important to me to have Daryl’s mom and Beth’s mom be tied together in their daughter’s name. It’s remembrance, but also a reclaiming. And don't worry she will have the cutest nicknames :)

So, I searched the internet looking for any crumbs or theories on Daryl’s mom’s name just in case I missed something, but found nothing. So, instead, I diverted and starting looking for names that fit the image I have in my head of Daryl’s mother. And Mae really fit the bill for me. It’s sweet, but also strong. We don’t know much about Daryl’s mom, but I like to think she tried her best and was met with a tragic end.

And, I do want to talk about the scene in the beginning briefly. I know its very overshadowed by the last half of the chapter, but its still very important. The only note I want to make is about Carl’s reaction to Beth letting Negan go. I want to be very clear. I am NOT villainizing Carl’s reaction. His reaction is so valid! Negan took his eye, killed Tyreese, and traumatized Mika to shit. Carl has a point! Beth probably should have discussed it with everyone first before making such a big decision on her own.

I think where Beth gets stuck is she has this bond (trauma bond) with Negan that no one else has. She knows the real him, so she’s certain he won’t betray them. But Beth forgets the others don’t have that same trust in Negan or his character. The only other person who comes close is Mika, which is ironic.

Also, RIP to Jessie, Sam, Enid, Alden, Carson, Sheppard, Earl, and Tammy. They deserved the world...So, it is sort of revealed in this chapter that the whole burning of Hilltop was a distraction for the "main event". Also, the Whisperers Beth and Negan saw sneaking into Hilltop two chapters ago weren't just coming in for the first time...they had already been inside, hence why the devastation was so bad even though Beth and Negan warned everyone.

Anyways, I love you guys so much. Thank you for all the support. Truly, this story would not have made it past chapter 10 without you guys. All the love and hugs <3

Chapter 73: Enemy of My Enemy Is My Friend

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I apologies for any glaringly obvious errors in this chapter. I didn't get to thoroughly edit it as much as I would have liked. Hopefully, there's nothing too heinously bad, grammatically, lol.

Anyways, I can't wait to hear what you guys think as always. All the love and happy reading <3

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       Whispers weaved through the camp reaching Mika’s straining ears.

       The Guardians are displeased. They are restless.

       She has taken it too far.

       She let an outsider in. He is not one of us.

       She only toys, but is too weak to finish it.

       Alpha lied.

       Displeasure spread like poison from ear to ear, floating around her without restraint. Like they all knew she was of no consequence. Like they knew she was dead. It was only a matter of time. Alpha must have something bigger planned for her or else she would have already been dead.

       Whispers of an attack on Hilltop spread to her ears. Her head tilted to the sky and she imagined she could see it through the raggedy cloth still wrapped around her eyes. Tears wet her blindfold, but they never fell to her cheeks. Mika wouldn’t let them see her break. She trusted her family. Believed they were alive. The world was cruel but there was always balance.

       So, Mika listened to the discourse. She started recognizing different voices. The woman who fed her and gave her water had a wispy, high-pitched tone. There was man who kept guard. He rarely talked, but when he did his voice was gruff.

       Despite the whispers, silence was the loudest sound. Sparks of animosity towards Alpha were quiet, but they were greater in number than Mika would have guessed. And it seemed to all spawn from Alpha lying about something. Whatever it was, it caused lack of support for the war they were currently fighting.

       The only thing that sent a ripple effect through the camp more than the disappointment with Alpha was Negan. The fact he was still alive was a miracle or, at least, Mika thought he was alive. It was simultaneously comforting and unnerving to not hear Negan’s voice. On one hand, he was the only thing close to an ally she had at the moment. He was the enemy she knew and that was a whole lot better than the one she didn’t know. Even though, she questioned his motives in her worst moments, she knew he was a friend and not a foe.

       So, not hearing him speak for a couple days made her body tense against her restraints. Made the exhaustion in her bones deep with how much physical and emotional effort she put into tuning her ears into every little sound hoping she heard him.

       Mika knew Alpha didn’t trust him, but Negan must have had something up his sleeve to prove his loyalty. Otherwise, he would’ve been dead a long time ago. His appearance in the camp was too suspicious. The timing was too perfect with her capture. He must have had something. Negan was anything but stupid.

       And there was nothing that unsettled the camp more than Negan. It’s why she knew he finally came back after two days of almost complete silence. His footfalls were purposefully heavy as she imagined he strutted through the camp. Mika almost cringed at how loud his voice boomed through the woods.

       “I’m ready for my goddamn skin suit. An’ you best bring that extra long tape measure on account of my humongous balls.”

       He was closer to her than she expected when she heard something thud onto the ground. Mika was sure she could hear a pin drop as a tension filled silence settled over the camp. Then, different footsteps sounded, closing the distance to her. The wind was knocked out of her momentarily as she was pushed back into the tree and held there by a Whisperer.

       The rope constricting her chest, stomach, and legs fell away and her legs gave out underneath her from all the sudden weight crashing down on them. Her fingers dug into the dirt hoping to find a rock or stick or anything she could potentially use as a weapon, but all she got was a handful of dirt and leaves before she was yanked to her feet. Mika was dragged forward trying to get her bearings.

       Her breathing came in and out quick, leaving her chest in short bursts. In two swift movements, her head was yanked back by her hair and the blindfold was torn off. Sunlight stunned her eyes making her cringe away, squinting as the burning persisted. The sharp pain in her scalp wasn’t helping her eyes adjust either, but once they did, Mika stopped breathing altogether.

       Alpha was stood right in front of her. The dark smoot around her eyes only highlighted the deranged glimmer as she leaned closer to her. Mika held still letting Alpha inspect her like cattle, even going so far as to smell her. Mika glanced over Alpha’s shoulder to Negan who had an emotionless smirk on his face as he watched on, but she saw the way his eyes flashed briefly.

       Alpha stepped back, turning towards Negan with her hands clasped behind her back. She reached for her belt and unsheathed her knife. With a haphazard toss, Mika watched the knife thud at Negan’s feet.

       A chill ran up her spine when Alpha finally spoke, “Pick it up.” Negan’s eyes darted around Alpha’s face, but his smirk never fell. He crouched down and picked up the knife, never breaking eye contact. Alpha’s melodic voice rippled through the camp, “Good. Now, kill the girl. My trust is not earned simply. She is the last piece.”

       Mika’s heart stopped beating. The air around her was sucked out of her lungs and her legs again felt weak. Something inside her withered because Negan couldn’t get out of this one. He needed to show Alpha where his true loyalties aligned. If he killed her, he would be in. Negan could get close enough to Alpha and kill her.

       Alpha's head tilted towards Mika, "Kill her. Or Dante will kill you both. You decide."

       Negan didn’t even flinch, his voice still loud and commanding, "I wouldn't be doin' that if I were you."

       Alpha hummed, her stance becoming predatory, “Tell me.”

       Negan twirled the knife between his fingers like he had nothing better to do. His hips jutted forward, displaying dominance, “I’m guessin’ she’s small fish to you. But I know who ya really want. The one who killed your precious Beta. Well, for all the work my little birdies did back in my cell, you are pretty much lookin’ at that prick’s daughter. So, I can kill her. Lord knows I’ve killed enough of ‘em in my time, but I’m thinkin’ your best bet is to lure him out. Hell, you might even get the little one-eyed punk and the blonde Mother Theresa while you’re at it.”

       Mika burst forward, the arms restraining her went taunt, “You bastard! All this time and you still can’t get over it.” If Negan was playing the game, all she could do was assist. Play along. Part of her outburst was genuine, but another part of her knew it would help sell his allegiance to Alpha. It made her skin crawl to hear him bring up Carl, Daryl, and Beth, but she knew better. Negan was buying her time while still playing into Alpha’s weakness for revenge.

       Negan threw a smirk over his shoulder at her, “Should’ve thought of that before you all locked me up for…eight years? Ten? I lost count. Lock someone away and not expectin’ them to hate your guts once they’re free is some high horse bullshit of the finest degree. You and your sister always were the worst when it came to preachin’.”

       Sister? Mika tried her best not to react. Tried to keep the anger and tension displayed so her confusion wouldn’t show. Negan was trying to tell her something, but she didn’t understand.

       Daryl’s voice growled in her mind: Be patient.

       Sister? Did he mean Lizzie? Beth? Then, it dawned on her. Not Lizzie. Negan didn’t know about Lizzie. Not Beth. He wouldn’t have referred to Beth as her sister when he just called her the Mother Theresa. He was talking about Lydia. It must have been her who sent Negan here. There had to be a plan. Something.

      Negan’s voice twisted, cruelly with an air of sharpness, “Playin’ sweet with the prisoner of war in the dead of night like you were saints.” Alpha slide in between her and Negan breaking the connection. Her demeanor was wolfish as she raised her index finger to her lips, effectively silencing Negan.

       Playin’ all sweet with the prisoner of war in the dead of night like you were saints.

       She wracked her brain trying to decipher what he was saying. Prisoner of war. She was the prisoner of war in this case. Lydia was her sister. Saints always did good. They helped people. And…dead of night.

       Her head spun when everything clicked. Lydia was coming to get her. She was the saint. Mika was the prisoner. Lydia was coming for her tonight. Her breathing came out in bursts when she struggled against Dante who still held tightly against his chest.

       Alpha’s beady eyes immediately narrowed in on her, scanning her up and down like prey. When she finally spoke again, it was quiet and directed towards Negan even if she was still staring into Mika, “We will try it your way. Once it is done, they will all join us…as a part of my horde.”

       Mika seethed while she was being yanked away from the clearing. Negan’s eyes flashed as he handed Alpha’s knife back to her. Mika flushed out her own innocence. She boxed it up and locked it away somewhere deep inside herself. She was the only one who had a key.

       Negan gave her a chance and she had to be ready.

 

~

 

       Daryl couldn't tear his eyes away from Beth and Annette. He sat like a protective guard in the chair across the room while his wife cradled their daughter in their bed in Alexandria. When Judith was born, he thought he understood what responsibility for a child felt like. He still remembered how it felt to see Maggie walking out of the prison with a bloody little girl wrapped in rags. When Rick crumbled, Daryl felt the torch pass to him. And a deep seeded protectiveness possessed him wholly. He was going to keep that little girl alive no matter what. Even if it killed him.

       He was damn sure he understood how that responsibility would feel settling on his shoulders. He was fucking wrong. Daryl loved Mika and Lydia. Loved Judith, Carl, and RJ. It was nothing short of simple considering them his. He loved them the same way he loved Annette, but it was different. Annette was a part of him. She was a part of the woman he loved. From their choice, she was born. She was their choice. The others weren’t. It didn’t make him love them any less, but it was different.

       After Beth had given birth, they set out to get home as quickly as possible. Rick and him took turns carrying Beth, refusing to even let her try to walk on her own, but she had been stubborn. She ended up walking on her own for about an hour while he held Annette. Once they’d gotten back to Alexandria after trekking through the sweltering heat for hours, he had practically torn their place apart to get Beth and Annette everything they needed. Their little basement apartment had looked completely ransacked as a result. Something he dealt with while Beth and Annette had slept.

       Now, seeing Beth sitting comfortably in their bed in Alexandria after a couple days of scrambling, feeding their daughter…it was enough to make his chest constrict. Worst case scenarios had eaten him alive while they were in the barn. They remained even after Siddiq had checked over them both and declared they were healthy.

       He watched his little girl eat while her mom watched on with adoration. His eyes ran down Beth’s body, constantly checking for any sign of injury he already knew wasn’t there. The sheets on their bed were rucked towards the foot. The shirt Beth usually slept in was discarded in the middle of the bed in a heap. A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth thinking about how she had tried tearing it off in a huff only a few minutes ago. Murmuring something about it irritating her skin. Daryl had gladly helped pull it over her head when she snatched it from his hand and whipped it onto the bed for good measure. He had kissed the crown of her head, trying his best to soothe her. After years of being together, her body still leaned into his touch like she needed it to keep going. 

       A part of him felt guilty when he had to transfer Annette from her small rocking crib into Beth’s arms to feed, knowing how exhausted she still was. It was a damn miracle she was even awake and coherent. 

       He'd never seen strength until he saw Beth give birth to Annette. Thought he had. Beth had always been strong, but it was something else to see her give birth in a goddamn dilapidated barn. She was something else. Something his physical strength could never touch or even come close to. Her screams had activated something primal inside him. The need to protect and take away her pain nearly suffocated him, but all he could do was hold her. Talk to her. The bloody marks peppered with bruises on his legs from where she used him to find a little bit of relief reminded him exactly how fucking strong Beth Dixon was. They were marks he'd wear proudly.

       Daryl focused in on Beth who was rocking softly back and forth. Every now and then, she winced. Her face scrunched up in pain. And every time, Daryl nearly flinched out of his skin thinking there was some danger he hadn't seen soon enough. Then, when Beth caressed their daughter's cheek, sweet agony melting her features, he relaxed.

       "She hurtin' ya?" Daryl asked gently.

       Beth focused on him and smiled sleepily, "No, she's just doin' what she's supposed to. Everythin's really sensitive an' it hurts a little, but it's not too bad. Just hope I got enough for her. It'd be easier for everyone if I could feed her myself. Not like formula's easy ta come by nowadays."

       Daryl wanted nothing more than to get rid of that worry crease between her eyebrows, "Ain't no use in worrin' 'bout it right now. You're both doin' fine. If somethin' changes, we'll handle it."

       Beth ran her pointer finger along Annette's cheek, "She had no problem latchin' so I'm thinkin' that's a good sign." Her eyes found his again, "You should try gettin' some sleep. Don't want—"

       "Nah. Minute you're done, I'm takin' her an' you're goin' back ta sleep."

        She tried to reason, "Daryl, I'm alright. It’s still early. You need—"

       "I'm serious, Beth. Ain't playin'. I'll sleep when she does," he left no room to argue. Even from across the room, Daryl could see the tears starting to gather in Beth’s eyes. He stood abruptly, walking towards her, “Beth…”

       She shook her head, wiping her face with her free hand, “I’m alright.” Daryl sat on the bed next to her, careful not to jostle her or Annette.

       His thumb came up to brush away a stray tear from her cheek, “Talk ta me.”

       Her big cornflower blue eyes were shining bright, which relieved some of the tension in his shoulders, “Everythin’ feels very overwhelmin’. An’ you’re bein’ so…perfect.”

       Referring to him as perfect didn’t make a whole lot of sense to him, but her words still made his heart squeeze. His whole purpose was to make sure she was all right. Make sure Annette was all right. He caressed her cheek, mirroring the comforting gesture she was doing to their daughter, “Want me ta start fuckin’ everythin’ up?”

       Beth giggled, dimples forming on her cheeks, “Don’t think ya could even if ya tried.” Annette chose that moment to unlatch from her breast. His daughter’s eyes were still closed, but her face started to scrunch up like she was about to start crying. Beth bounced her gently, cooing to her softly, “Ya done, Ettie? Are ya done?”

       The scrunch soothed out and Annette settled again at hearing her mom’s soothing voice. As Beth rocked her into sleep, her own eyes started to droop again. Daryl leaned forward, kissing her forehead, and carefully extracted his daughter from her arms. Beth reached for her like she didn’t want to let her go.

       “Sleep. Gonna get ya sum food. Be back,” Daryl reassured her.

       She nodded before asking, “Are you takin’ her with ya?”

       Daryl glanced down at his daughter. Her eyes were closed, but she was still wiggling in his arms. He wanted to avoid Beth being woken up if she started crying, so he nodded, “Gonna take her upstairs with me. Ain’t goin’ far.”

       Beth laid back against the pillows, wincing as she tried to find a comfortable position. He pulled the sheets over her, noticing the goosebumps forming on her arms and chest. As his eyes roved over her, he marveled at what her body had done. He would spend hours kissing every inch of her to remind her, but it was a selfish thought only for himself.

       Instead, he brought his lips to her ear and whispered, “I love you.” Made sure he was clear. He regretted not saying it more over the years, but now, he felt it was his responsibility to make up for all the times it got stuck in the back of his throat or his chest.

       It used to be difficult getting those three words out. They felt foreign on his tongue for the longest time. He knew he loved Beth long before he could admit it to himself or her. If the Daryl from years ago saw himself now, he wasn’t sure he’d believe what he saw. In fact, he might’ve done everything in his power to avoid the same path because he hadn’t believed he deserved it.

       Beth rooted out those thoughts a long time ago. She carved out the doubts and self-hatred, replacing them with her love and patience. Her melodic voice was the one in his head now. Not his dad or brother’s. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he heard them at all.

       “I love you,” Beth whispered back. She always responded. Always said it back. And it did something to him every single time. With a parting, swipe of his thumb against her cheek, Daryl went to go upstairs.

       Before he could step over the threshold of their room, Beth called out a request, “Can ya ask if there’s any news?”

       His stomach dropped and writhed. Mika and Lydia. There’d been no news since they got back to Alexandria. And nothing had changed since he asked Carol and Carl if they’d seen anything out there while they looked for other Hilltop survivors. Nothing. There was still nothing. No sign of Lydia or Mika. Negan was in the wind. And the horde was still a ticking time bomb they needed to defuse sooner rather than later.

       But Daryl couldn’t say any of that, “I’ll ask. Get sum sleep, Beth.” And he would, but he already knew the answer same as Beth did. However, if she needed to ask him every day, every hour, every minute, to help her cope, he’d do it every single time. No questions asked.

       She nodded with a defeated look in her eyes he hated to see. He shut the door to their apartment and made his way upstairs with Nette snuggled in his arms. She was wriggling a lot, almost like she was trying to burrow deeper into his body heat, but even with all the moving, she was a quiet one. Of course, it was too early to really tell if she’d be a quiet baby, but he hoped for their sake, she was.

       Daryl avoided all the creaks in the stairs so he wouldn’t startle her. She was wrapped tightly in one of RJ’s old blankets. His old hat and onesie too, which all had to be sewn so they’d fit properly, but him and Beth were both grateful.

       When he finally reached the landing, the murmuring he heard got louder. He followed the voices all the way to the living room, catching bits and pieces of a conversation already in full swing. He was surprised to see how many people were standing in their living room considering how quiet it was. Rick, Michonne, Carl, Gabriel, Carol, Rosita, Aaron, Maggie, Glenn, and Eugene were all sitting or standing rather tensely around the room.

       “Somethin’ like that’s gonna take longer than’s strictly worth it. You’re askin’ yours truly to make a bomb large enough in scale to take down a mine. And from what Carol was sayin’ it ain’t a small one either,” Eugene rambled thoroughly enough to clue Daryl in on what everyone was discussing.

       Rosita interjected, “I can help speed things along, but Eugene’s right. Makin’ a bomb like that is gonna take time. It’s not just about makin’ it. We’ll need to gather supplies, which could take weeks. And we’ll need to scout the mine, ‘cause knowin’ where to place it is just as important. Maybe even more so.”

       “We still have a couple boxes of grenades. Could you just amplify their blast instead of making something from scratch?” Gabriel asked.

       “Depends, but we’ll have to make it work,” Rosita answered, “Don’t have time to make something else.”

       Carol huffed as she pushed off from the wall, “That’s all good and well, but what about my daughter? If we do this before we get her back…”

       Michonne nodded in agreement, “Mika is our first priority. Lydia too. We can’t wait for Negan to do what Beth thought he might. Infiltration takes time. Time we don’t have.”

       Another voice Daryl hadn’t pinpointed spoke up, “If Alpha’s keeping her horde in the cave again. I can make a rough guess at where they’ve made camp.” Mary was hidden off in the corner, clearly uncomfortable with all the attention.

       Annette whimpered into his chest, catching everyone’s attention. His gruff voice spoke up, “Better get movin’ then.”

       Rosita was the first one to move. She walked up to him with a warm smile, glancing down at Annette. While she cooed at her softly under her breath, Rick stood, “Negan must’ve done some damage by now knowin’ him. We send a group to the camp. Search for Mika an’ Lydia. Everyone else’ll go to the cave. Let’s finish this in one go.”

       Rosita turned back towards the room, “Me and Eugene will work on riggin’ the grenades.”

       Then, Mary stepped forward, “I can help with the skins. You’re going to need to blend in if you want to get close to the camp.”

       “Alright. Gabriel. Aaron. Ready Alexandria’s defenses. Make sure people are ready to fight,” Rick commanded, “Let’s get to work.”

 

~

 

       "How's Beth doin'?"

       Rick's voice filled the armory. His question only fueled Daryl to get this shit done faster so he could get back to her. Them. His girls. Maggie was with them now, but it pained him having to leave them behind even for a couple hours. Unfortunately, this shit required precision as he carefully threaded the last grenade and secured it in a crate that looked like a carton of deadly fucking eggs.

       Daryl shook the strands of hair dangling in his face, wiping his sweaty hands on the red bandana he pulled from his pants pocket. Rick was waiting patiently for him to answer and Daryl nodded to buy himself some time. He chewed on the inside of his lip as he tried to keep a cap on all the overwhelming emotions bubbling to the surface when he thought about Beth and Annette.

       "She's doin' alright. Strong as all hell…" He trailed off, but Rick gave him space to continue as he resumed working, not pushing him, "Knew she was, but seein' her like that with Nette. What she did ta get her here...Don't think I got words for it." Words for how much he fucking loved her. How much his heart swelled seeing her hold Annette for the first time. How much his chest felt like bursting when he held his little girl in his arms.

       Rick walked one of the crates over to the carriage pulled up outside the garage as Daryl pulled out one of his last hand-rolled cigarettes. He was at the point where he was reusing matches. It took a couple strikes before he got one to stay lit long enough for the flame to catch on his cigarette. He needed it to dull his rolling anxiety at not being at her side twenty-four seven.

       Rick strode back into the garage, staring at him with that knowing glimmer in his eyes. Daryl used to find it unnerving. Now, it was more comforting than anything. He just waited for his brother to start talking.

       "With Carl, Lori had a c-section 'cause of…complications an' there was a whole lot of fear gettin' in the way of everythin' else. Couldn't think or feel anythin' else, but fear even after the doctor told me both’a them were gonna be alright. Then, with Judith…well, ya know how that ended up," Rick looked lost in his memories until he ran his hand over his face, clearing them, "I remember bein' with Michonne when RJ was born. Had been in labor almost twenty hours. She was holdin' him for the first time an' I remember thinkin' I couldn't love her any more than I already did…"

       He knew what it felt like, so Daryl finished for him, "Was wrong.” A stream of smoke blew past his lips.

       "Yeah, I was," Rick grinned, "There isn't anythin' like it."

       "Nah, there ain't," Daryl agreed, his tone serious as he relived the moment Beth handed him his daughter for the first time. A grin tugged at his lips as he added, "Livin' in a damn romance novel."

       Rick huffed out a laugh, "Hey, I'll take it over whatever survival, horror shit we've been livin' in."

       "Damn straight."

 

~

 

       The skin suffocated him. It was a wonder these people lived with decaying skin tied to their heads all day long. The stench alone was nearly unbearable, but he held his tongue. Negan played along. Alpha still didn’t trust him. Not yet, but he’d make sure she did. She had to if this thing him and Lydia cooked up was going to work.

       Negan hoped Mika understood what he was trying to tell her. She was a smart girl. He’d be surprised if she didn’t, but it still left so many things to chance. And that’s the one thing Negan never banked on. Chance. It always bit him in the ass later. He planned. He made sure. That’s what he was good at, but this was something else entirely.

       It crossed his mind more than once to just kill Alpha outright. He didn’t think there’d be much resistance considering the whispers he heard among her own people. The only reason he hadn’t was because of Dante and a couple other die-hard loyalists. Most of her people were unsure. They were starting to realize the façade Alpha created about the world was just that…a façade.

       Negan blew into the hole he dug housing a small fire. He did all the menial tasks Dante demanded of him, but he was coming to realize Dante was more like him than he realized. And that was going to be a problem. The only thing Alpha’s second didn’t do was question her. He didn’t bring anything else to the table except blind obedience. It provided a perfect place for Negan to slip right in. He could fill a void for Alpha.

       So, yeah. He did all the shit tasks and stayed away from Mika as much as he could, not even wanting suspicion to start festering.

       “It’s you…”

       Negan’s head snapped up to see a man standing in front of him. He had on a skin mask. Something churned deep in his stomach at the brief flash of recognition in the man’s eyes. Negan slowly stood up, worried if he moved to quickly, the man would run. Something nagged at the back of his mind. The man’s voice. He could’ve sworn he heard it before.

       “’Scuse me?” Negan asked, taking a step around the makeshift oven in the ground and towards him.

       The man backed up a step, eye wide behind his mask, “Nothing. Thought you were someone else.”

       Negan’s mind whirled. He knew that voice. If this person recognized him. This whole plan was screwed. Then, it hit him right between the eyes.

       So, this is what you do? Cozy up to them after everything they've done. You gonna do that with Alpha too?

       Do you know what she did? What her and Daryl did?

       Owen.

       Betrayal barreled through him at an agonizing pace. It nearly set him off balance because Negan suddenly understood what he wanted. Not to be free, but to be a part of something. He felt betrayal because he considered himself a part of the people who kept him prisoner. It wasn’t him and them anymore. It was just all of them. Negan wasn’t sure when it happened. When things changed, but at some point, it did.

       That’s why Owen had to die.

       Negan moved before he could think, closing the distance. Owen barely had the chance to turn tail and run to Alpha before Negan wrapped him in a head lock, cutting off his air supply. He struggled against him, but he was no where near as strong as he was when he attacked Beth in Hilltop’s cellar. Not since he had been relocated to Oceanside as a prisoner. Guess he got free and decided to be a little prick and join Alpha.

       “Enemy of my enemy is my friend I guess, huh?” Negan whispered in his ear, menacingly, “It was you who told the Whisperers about the tunnels at Hilltop. You told ‘em the everythin’ they needed to know. Did ya also lead ‘em to Oceanside? Just couldn’t let it go. Shoulda killed ya when I had the chance.”

       Owen gasped like a fish out of water, sputtering for air. Negan couldn’t waste time trying to pry information from the weasel, so he threw him to the ground at his feet. Owen didn’t have time to scramble away before Negan’s boot came down on his windpipe. A sickening crunch filled the air and he watched without remorse as the light left Owen’s eyes. Even through his skin mask, he could see the fear still left there like a final imprint.

“Fuckin’ prick…” Negan muttered, “Now, I gotta clean this up.”

Notes:

I don't have a bunch of time to write end notes, but I did want to mention two things: the ending and Daryl's inner monologue.

Finally, we get to the reveal that Owen was the "rat". He was relocated to Oceanside as a prisoner after attacking Beth. He escaped during the horde attack (it wasn't Alpha, but it was damn convenient for her lol). Owen fell in with the Whisperers and gave Alpha information on Hilltop to make the attack more lethal. Owen is mentally gone. He took all his rage, hatred, and grief and focused it solely on Beth and Daryl, completely disregarding the fact it was the Whisperers who literally killed his sister right in front of him.

Daryl's inner monologue was so sweet to write. Daryl is finally at the point of his arc and journey where he is no longer questioning why he's allowed to be happy. And why he's allowed to be loved. He accepts it all. And that includes everything he feels for Annette. He's already gone through the heartache and back and forth with feeling like he's like his father. All of that's gone. It's been years. That's why there isn't much question in his inner monologue about whether he'll be a good dad or not. He already knows he's going to be okay because he's been doing it for years with Mika, Judith, RJ, and Carl. And now Lydia too.

Anyways, there's a bunch more I want to talk about, but I don't have time ugh! Anyways, all the love guys and I hope you all are doing well <3 See you next Sunday/Monday (depending lol)!

Chapter 74: Full Circle

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I hope you all are doing well. I would like to wish you all so many virtual hugs. I am really proud of this chapter even though it was difficult to write.

Just know I love you all and am still constantly stunned by all the love you all continue to give this story <3 Come chat with me in the comments because I need a hug too after writing this one lol.

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       A light breeze wove through Alexandria, carrying the murmurings of preparation. At some points it whistled. At others it howled, the tree branches creaking against the onslaught. Her ponytail whipped around her shoulders. The small braid thudded against her neck every so often, reminding her of the man who put it there that morning. Her fingers ran along the black paint on the wall, tracing all the names of the ones they lost. Her other hand rested on Annette’s head; her tiny body strapped to her chest with a cloth sling.

       “This one…was my brother,” Beth whispered, softly, tracing his name, “Your Uncle Aidan. You two woulda been causin’ all kinds of trouble. An’ this is Abraham. One’a the strongest people I’ve ever met. Made your mama just as strong so she could protect you. Bob… He was the most optimist person I’ve ever met. Maybe, I’ll teach ya the little game him an’ I used to play when things got hard. Deanna would’ve loved ta meet you. Would’ve told ya you’re the future of this place. Your Uncle Dwight…you’ll get ta meet him in your cousin, Finch—”

       Someone bumped her hip. When Beth looked down, she saw Judith resting her head against her waist staring up at the wall. A thick braid framed her face. Beth ran her hand down her head, combing her hair behind her shoulder.

       “Do you think we’ll get to see them again?” Judith asked, quietly.

       Her breath hitched in chest, but she answered regardless, “I don’t know, but I like ta think we will.”

       She nodded, “I think so too.”

       “Beth,” Maggie’s voice called to her. When Beth turned, her sister was standing there with her full belt of weapons on.

       Alexandria’s controlled chaos faded into the background. Siddiq ushering more beds into the infirmary. Gabe giving orders to check the traps and target zones outside the gates. Glenn securing the sewer tunnels underneath their community. Ezekiel, Henry, and Jerry rigging up the windmill as a lookout and sniper nest. Noah and Edwards stashing weapons around Alexandria. Connie and Kelly helping fortify any and all weak spots in the walls.

       They were expecting an ambush. Even if Daryl, Rick, Carol, Michonne, Carl and Mary took down Alpha and the Whisperer’s camp, they still needed to be prepared. Dante was still at large and so was Alpha’s horde. Rosita, Eugene, Laura, Magna, and Yumiko would do their best to take out the cave, but again, this was all a game of chance. And they needed to be ready for the worst outcome.

       Beth cradled Annette to her chest, savoring the weight of her. It was almost like she could convince herself she was still protected inside her womb, but every time she glanced down Beth saw her burrowed into her chest, cheeks smushed and mouth slightly popped open, utterly oblivious to the dangers of the world around her.

       “Everythin’s done,” Maggie added, staring down at her niece. Equal amounts of love and sorrow swimming in her eyes.

       Daryl had looked at her a similar way in the late hours of the night. He held her for hours while she slept peacefully in his arms, only fussing once when she was hungry. He sat up in their bed and just watched her, rocked her, and whispered to her when she started to stir.

       At times, Beth was awake enough to hear his soft and gentle reassurances, letting them bleed into her own soul: Shh. Ain’t gonna let anythin’ hurt ya. I got ya. Ain’t nothin’ ta be afraid of. Sometimes he would just whisper her name over and over again like a ticking metronome. Rhythmic and lulling in his deep voice. Beth curled into his warmth. Her head rested against his hip and her arm slung over his lap, fingers running soothing circles into his thigh. Every once in a while, he would run his hand over the leg she had thrown over his like he was checking she was still there.

       But eventually, their bubble of bliss had to end. When he got up to settle Annette into her crib, Beth knew it was time for him to leave and time for her to get ready. He lifted her out of bed, walking towards their dresser. She held onto his shoulders as he helped her put on her clothes, his gentle hands running over her body like he couldn’t help himself. Once they were both clothed and armed, he turned her towards the mirror.

       Daryl’s deft fingers worked fast on the small braid that would frame her face. His hands grazed her neck and temples as he made quick work of her ponytail. When he was finished, he froze, his hooded dark eyes flashing. Beth held his gaze through the mirror. His hands were resting on her shoulders as he stood behind her, nearly engulfed in the darkness of their room. The flickering of the candle on the dresser illuminated her with a golden glow. Her eyes, usually a crystal-clear blue, were shimmering with a honeyed hue.

       But she knew it wasn’t her oddly ethereal appearance that stunned Daryl into complete stillness, not entirely.

       She hadn’t worn her hair like this since before they found Alexandria. When they were still out on the road fighting to survive every minute of every day. Beth had long since lost her rounded cheeks and innocent owlish eyes, but since Annette, her cheeks had filled out. Giving her an almost girlish appearance again. Staring in the mirror, she looked like she had been transported through time. The girl from the moonshine shack was standing in front of Daryl.

       Her body wasn’t the same. Chest filling out to feed Annette. The same with her hips. Her stomach was distended from giving birth less than a few days ago. Beth was a different person. She was a mother. A wife. A guardian. A leader. A killer. All of those histories shone in her eyes. They were not the same. Beth Greene was staring at Daryl through the mirror, but her eyes were wholly and completely those of Beth Dixon.

       Everything came full circle.

       The looming shadow behind her shifted, moving to envelope her, as a deep breath stuttered out of Daryl’s chest. He was a force reincarnated as a protector. An earthly being forged from pain and remade from love. Her light shone in his darkness. And his shone in hers. His warmth bled into her as his head burrowed into her neck and shoulder, lips grazing her pulse. It’s how she knew the Daryl standing behind her wasn’t the one who helped her burn down a cabin with moonshine.

       He looked like him, still sounded like him, but this was her Daryl. Her husband. The father of their baby girl. A leader and a guardian. A hunter and a killer. He would always be hers, just like she’d always be his. No matter the distance. No matter the time passed. No matter the lifetime. They changed, weaved their own paths through blood, dirt, and death, but they always converged.

       Everything came full circle. And they always met on the other side.

       Then, Daryl Dixon poured every ounce of love, passion, desire, and longing into her as he covered her lips with his own. It was an undoing and a fortification. His warmth and protectiveness bled into her until it started to edge its way into the dark. The way Daryl’s mouth moved against hers, devouring her, reminded Beth of the possessive, wild man who owned her soul.

       When he pulled away to leave, he left her wrecked and reborn.

 

~

 

       Lydia was used to the woods. They were her home for most of her life. It was an odd comfort to slip back into because everything was familiar, but also not. She could still find herself earth worms. Could still skin a guardian. Could still find suitable shelter. But it was all different now that her arm was missing. Lydia had to relearn everything. She went from being proficient with her staff because of Henry’s training to virtually useless. She was half as good. Literally. Negan had been right. She would’ve wound up dead before she could even get close to her mother.

       It's why she heard him out. Why she forced herself to rework the plan she originally had when she disappeared from Hilltop to include Negan. Because if her family had taught her anything, it was strength came from having someone to fight for and it was a lot easier to fight when she wasn’t alone. Lydia knew her family didn’t trust Negan, but she had no such hesitations. He told the truth and that’s what she needed. Plus, if Beth trusted him enough to try and get Mika back, Lydia wouldn’t question it.

       She always assumed she’d end up back in the woods, fending for herself, one way or another. Or dead, at least, until she met Daryl and Beth and Mika. However, she couldn’t have predicted this. She was out here for her family. For a family she never thought she’d have. And it wasn’t a decision made out of hardship. It was easy.

        The guardian’s skin clung to her face just like the darkness of the forest clung to her body. Moans and groans surrounded her as Lydia shuffled back and forth, gathering the dead. Her eyes and body and mind were heavy with exhaustion, but this was the finally push. She gathered every stray dead one, hording them like prized possessions.

       Her family always called them walkers. At first, she thought it was disrespectful to the beings who outnumbered them all, but then, she realized those were her mother’s words not her own. She started to adopt their term, no longer holding the dead to a higher regard.

       However, for the first time, Lydia thought they lived up to the name her mother gave them. Guardians. They would be her protectors now. Her shield. Her camouflage. She would use the same tactic Alpha used to subdue and destroy except; she would use them to rescue her sister and put an end to this war. One that never should’ve been started in the first place.

        Lydia guided and maneuvered her growing horde of guardians towards Alpha’s camp. She swayed amongst them, falling back into the walk of the dead. It was second nature. The night was still young as she whispered to guide the dead through the trees.

       It wasn’t long before the first screams broke out.

       She hadn’t even realized she’d broken the outskirts of the camp or how long she’d been walking amidst her guardians. She came back to the forefront of her mind, searching her surroundings. The dead were devouring some of the sleeping Whisperers, but enough of them had woken up and recognized the threat by now.

       Lydia searched until she saw a figure hunched against a large tree in the center of camp. The blonde of her hair caught her attention. As quickly as possible without drawing unnecessary attention, Lydia broke off from the small horde and made her way over. Not fast enough. Not quick enough. Hurry.

       Mika’s chest was rising and falling rapidly, but when Lydia brandished her knife, her sister nearly smiled. Mika recognized her immediately. Lydia guessed Negan got a message to her about the plan. She made quick work of the ropes, sawing through them with her serrated knife.

       Lydia grabbed Mika’s hand and they started to pull her the opposite direction. However, when they rounded the large tree, a looming figure appeared out of the darkness. Just from the outline she knew.

       Alpha.

       Whisperers started to pop up around them, blocking them in. Mika squeezed her hand in desperation, but Lydia’s eyes bore into Alpha. The circle tightened around them both as the rest of the Whisperers dispersed the small horde Lydia spent days collecting.

       Lydia held her tears at bay, but inside she was withering. She searched for anything. Anything that would get them out of this alive. She tried to hide her true affection and loyalty. Tried to hide what Mika meant to her. Tried to hide that she’d rather die herself than let her mother kill Mika. She was the sister she never had. The family she never had.

       Alpha circled her, sensing her feebleness, "Don't be weak like your father. You know what happened to him."

       "Yeah, I know what happened to him, mother," Lydia's voice wavered through clenched teeth. She knew. She remembered. The truth had set her free. Had broken all her mental cages. 

       Alpha's head tilted towards Mika, "Take them both.”

       Lydia shouted scrambling for Mika at the same moment she reached towards her. They embraced for less than a second before they were both yanked back. A grimy hand covered her mouth. She still had a clear enough mind to bite down as hard as she could, the coppery taste of blood exploding into her mouth. The man restraining her didn’t budge, but he did hiss in pain and pull his hand away from her mouth only to clamp it around her throat.

       However, her eyes remained glued to Mika. She was struggling just as hard, her eyes wide with equal amounts of anger and hopelessness.

       Where was Negan?

       Then, Alpha slithered in front of her, waving Mika away. The Whisperer detaining her practically dragged her kicking and screaming deeper into the camp. Lydia tried to scream, but the pressure on her throat was too much. Her eyes watered from the burn of it.

       Alpha whispered, “Lydia. Oh, Lydia.”

 

~

 

       The sky was just starting to lighten as Daryl came up over the ridge to the entrance of Alpha’s cave. Words weren’t exchanged, but heavy looks and somber nods were as Rosita, Eugene, Laura, Magna, and Yumiko broke off from the group. One by one they lit the crank-powered flashlights and ethanol-soaked torches. Crates of homemade explosives carried between them. The rest of the group waited until they disappeared into the cave entirely before continuing deeper into the woods.

       Daryl followed closely behind Mary. Rick and Michonne were at his sides. Carol and Carl had their backs. Unsurprisingly, the trek from the cave to the Whisperer’s supposed camp wasn’t far. A few minutes max. The only indication they were getting close to anything was the occasional rustle of leaves in the distance.

       Mary crouched low just under the lip of a small hill. Daryl followed her lead, straining his ears to listen for any signs of humans. When he looked over in the direction of the camp, he saw figures moving about almost silently. Low murmurings was the only indicator of life. There were skins hung around, blocking his view of parts of the camp. However, at first glance, he didn't see Mika. Or Lydia. Or Alpha. Or Negan. In fact, now that he was looking at it, there weren't many Whisperers roaming around either.

       The camp was sparse. Daryl knew they took out a good chunk of their fighters over the course of the war, but a pit of dread still settled like a stone in his stomach. It only grew when he clocked the confusion written all over Mary's face. This wasn’t normal. Something was wrong.

       Daryl’s fingers flitted to the left, signaling to Rick. His brother nodded and stood. He began quietly working his way around the left side of the camp with Michonne and Carl. They used the trees to keep cover. Daryl crept towards the right, Mary and Carol flanking him. His crossbow was loaded and ready, but as they got closer it became clear, a range weapon wasn’t going to help him much.

       He ducked behind a tree just on the outskirts of the camp. The Whisperers he could see were shuffling around with their masks on. They almost looked like they were in a trance. Daryl’s eyes scanned his surroundings, looking for any signs of Mika. That’s when he saw the large tree in the center of the outcrop. Severed ropes dangled from the large trunk. When his eyes drifted to the dirt at the base, he clocked the scattered dirt and leaves, like someone had been shuffling in that one stop for hours. Or days.

       A sharp breath caught in his chest. She was here. Mika had to be here.

       Daryl was about to step out into the open and make his move, commotion broke out on the other side of the camp. Less of a commotion and more just noise. Deep thuds. It broke the silence of the woods, but the Whisperers in front of him didn’t even react. They kept swaying, shuffling in small circles.

       That’s when he heard a roar, “Trap!”

       Rick’s booming voice jump started his hesitation. Instead of turning to run, like Rick probably wanted, Daryl surged towards the sound of his brother’s voice. However, one second, he was frantically searching for his family. The next, he felt a sharp reverberating sting shoot through his head.

       Daryl fell to his knees as his crossbow was ripped from his grasp in a single instant. The forest floor came up to meet him. His vision swam, head pounding. He tried to stand, but he was hit again. This time in the stomach, knocking the breath from his lungs. Daryl was hauled forward, practically dragged across the ground to the heart of the Whisperer’s base.

       He had the forethought to look around, clocking Rick, Michonne, and Carl all being forced to kneel in front of a large hut made of branches and twigs. They were all being held at knife point, Michonne’s katana held to her own throat.

       Whoever was dragging him, threw him to the ground next to Carol and Mary, all in the same predicament. His mind was starting to clear from the pain-riddled haze of almost being knocked unconscious. There was a shiv digging into his neck near his carotid artery. He tried to shift forward slightly, but the Whisperer behind him was nearly ripping his hair out of his scalp to keep him in place. His mind cleared enough for his senses to turn back on. And immediately the hair stood on the back of his neck.

       Daryl watched as Alpha appeared out of the gloom of the little hut, a shotgun cradled in her hands. To his horror, she wasn’t wearing her skin mask. The last time she showed her face to them, the Kingdom had fallen.

       The dread he felt coiling in his gut, exploded through his entire body as two smaller figures were dragged out of the hut behind her. Mika and Lydia.

       Then, another taller figure appeared and Daryl sucked in a breath. Negan. He was their last hope. Their last chance at an escape. He was beat to hell. One of his eyes swollen shut, lip busted, and groaning in pain as he was forced to his kneels between Carol and Mary.

       Without thinking, Daryl surged towards Mika and Lydia, but that only got him hit in the back of the head again. Alpha’s eyes went down the line. Her head tilted when her dead eyes connected with his. He tensed up when she let the shotgun sway between Lydia and Mika.

       Then, her soft, lilting voice filled the clearing.

       "Choose,” Alpha commanded. And with one word, she doomed them all.

 

~

 

       Alexandria was silent. Even the birds stopped chirping. Beth stayed completely still, straining her ears. Connie was crouched near the gates with her hands digging into the gravel. She nodded at Kelly, who signaled up to Gabe on the outlook stand. He was crouched below the lip of the wall, his sniper resting in one of the grooves. Scanning the surroundings with his scope, he suddenly stopped. His hand came up making a circular motion.

       Then, two consecutive booming thuds sounded from the windmill. A warning. The Whisperers were coming.

       The silence was broken up by people shuffling to their stations, making last minute preparations. There weren’t many people left who remembered the last time Alexandria had been invaded. The Saviors had taken them by surprise. Yet, they still won out even if the losses were great. At the time, she had considered it a loss. Aidan reverently reminded her they were alive and still standing, but that hadn’t felt like enough.

       Things were different now. They were ready. Prepared for Alpha’s horde and her Whisperers. A part of her was relieved. It meant the Whisperer camp wouldn’t be well defended. Daryl could finish this. Get Mika back. Lydia too. Maybe, even Negan.

       Maggie, Judith, and Nabila ran to her. She knew what they wanted. Beth hastily started to take Annette out of her carrier. Her baby girl promptly started to cry in short whimpering bursts. Beth kissed both her cheeks, gently, “Be good. Mama will be back.”

       The tether she felt deep in her gut pulled taunt when it was time to hand her over to Nabila. Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked down at her little girl not even a week old and already in danger.

       Then, Beth glanced towards Judith. She was the living embodiment of everything they’d fought for. She survived without walls. Without a community, because her family, blood or not, vowed to protect her at all costs.

       It would be the same for Annette.

       Beth carefully transferred her to Nabila’s arms, who smiled at her sadly, but there was the hard glint of determination set in her eyes, “With my life.” A fierce mother in her own right. Beth nodded, trusting her, despite every fiber of her being wanting to keep her little girl with her instead.

       Nabila nodded to Judith, “Come on. We’ve got a whole lotta people to protect.” Judith’s shoulders squared at the responsibility and the three of them made their way towards the sewer grate. Sherry, Finch, Gracie, RJ and Henry joined them on the way over among others. It wasn’t just Nabila, Judith, and Sherry who would protect the ones who couldn’t protect themselves. It was Henry and Edwards too.

       Glenn came up to her and Maggie, a hard, cold look on his face. Maggie ran a warm hand down her back, “It’ll be alright.” Beth forced herself to believe her.

       Just as she was about to move towards the gate, Gabe held up his hand again. He opened and closed his fist once. He could see the horde. Beth waited for him to do it again. Waited for him to signal that Alpha had sent the full force of her horde to wipe out Alexandria. Except it never came. Glenn ran to the outpost, the same question on his lips.

       She was too far away to hear what Gabriel responded, but when Glenn came back to her and Maggie, there was confusion furrowing his brows, “She didn’t send the whole horde.”

       “What? Why?” Maggie questioned.

       An uncomfortable silence settled over the three of them, wondering if they’d missed some sort of trap. But Beth wondered if it was simpler than that. So, she responded, “Hubris.”

       Glenn and Maggie both looked over at her, clearly running her answer through their heads. Beth almost smiled at how similar their mannerism had become with the tilt of the head and the scrunching of the nose.

       “She won’t send out her full weapon if she doesn’t need to,” Beth explained further, “She knows we’ve probably prepared for this. If she loses half her horde, she’ll still have another half to help replenish it. She’s wearin’ us down. Kingdom, Oceanside, Hilltop. This’s the start of her final strike. It’s the first wave.”

       “Shit,” Glenn murmured under his breath, “Good thing Daryl and Carol found her hiding place then.”

       Maggie let out a long breath, “Then, we hold up our end. Finish it an’ hope the others take out the rest.”

       Beth shifted towards the front gate, too quickly apparently, because her body protested loudly. She couldn’t keep the groan of pain from passing her lips. Her hand flew up to her abdomen, which Siddiq had helped her bind to give her more support.

       “Bethie, ya gonna be alright? No one would blame ya for sittin’ this one out,” Maggie asked, her voice filled with concern.

       She didn’t want to be stubborn and say she was completely fine, but there was no other option. She had to fight whether she felt one hundred percent or not. This was her fight. She started it when they took Lydia and killed Beta. She was going to finish it too, but she was still honest, “I’ll be alright. Just…stay close.”

       Maggie nodded, “Always with ya.”

       As the Whisperers descended on Alexandria, the buzzing of the horde grew louder and louder. Beth remembered the girl she saw flickering in the mirror, golden glow enveloping her like a shield. Her spirit became lighter, whistling in the breeze, louder than any threat.

       And Beth wondered. For all those years, she protected Beth Greene. Her younger self. She harbored her and shielded her from harm. Making sure she only ever touched the light. She cradled her hopes and dreams with care. Safely locked them away for her younger self to hold on to.

       But now she wondered if the young girl she spent so many years protecting was now coming forward to protect her, Beth Dixon, when she was at her most vulnerable. All her hopes and dreams were achieved, so what was there left to protect except herself?

       Everything came full circle.

       Explosions shattered the silence, shaking the gates. Beth, Maggie, and Glenn rushed for forward, picking up their spears along the way.

       The explosions occurred in quick succession, pouring dark smoke into the clear blue sky. There was a smattering of screams, quickly drowned out by the symphony of the dead. Blood started to coat the street outside the gate, bleeding red and black. The horde triggered the trip wires Eugene and Rosita set up last night. They did more to scatter the horde than they did to kill them, but even the Whisperers hiding within their numbers couldn't wrangle them back together with all the noise.

       That's when Connie, Kelly, Ezekiel, and Jerry started throwing the Molotov cocktails from the outpost stands. Gabe still stood ready with his sniper, scanning the horde for Whisperers. Beth, her sister, and Glenn speared through the bars of the gate, taking down any walkers that reached them. They kept an eye on the lock just in case a Whisperer tried to reach through the bars and open it up.

       Alexandrians lined the walls, loosing arrows, harpoons, some fired guns. The pop of Gabriel’s sniper filled Beth to the brim with hope because Gabriel never missed. Beth watched through the gate as Whisperers dropped one by one.

       Her entire body ached as she speared walker after walker. It screamed at her to stop, but Beth cleared her mind and filled it with thoughts of Annette. Thoughts of Daryl. Her sister. Her nephew. Her family. And the pain fell back into a locked box somewhere in her mind, only simmering on the backburner.

       They whittled down the horde slowly and methodically. The explosions were drawing the horde away from the gate, better revealing the Whisperers still trying to wrangle them to push into the weakest parts of their walls. Diane’s arrows found them easily, letting Gabriel save his ammunition.

       Connie and Kelly filled the gaps with their slingshots, sometimes killing them, sometimes wounding them enough so they’d scream out and be consumed by the walkers around them. Beth’s spear disappeared into another skull, squelching and spraying blood all over the bars of the gate.

       There was enough of a clearing for them to make it through. It was now or never.

       Beth turned over her shoulder to see Noah, Ezekiel, Jerry, Diane, Aaron and Kyle all rushing to the horse drawn carriage rigged up with speakers. Glenn hurried to the gate, grunting as he slid it open. Jerry snapped the reins and the horses surged forward at a gallop.

       Suddenly, as the passed the threshold, music started blasting through the speakers, drawing the attention of the walkers. The carriage sped along the road and away from Alexandria. The explosions ceased as did the Molotov's. Alexandria once again fell quiet, hoping the walkers took the bait.

       Similarly to a hive mind, the dead turned towards the music and began shuffling away. However, the opening of the gate left them vulnerable just like they knew it would. Whisperers fell out of what was left of the horde and started surging towards the open gate.

       Beth dropped her spear and unsheathed her knives, ready to fight for her home once again. Not just her home, but her daughter’s future. Her family’s future. Something worth living for.

 

~

 

       What was there left to lose? Everything. He had it all. And wasn’t that the most dangerous position to be in? Fear was all he felt. Unending and rooted deep. The acidic tendrils wrapped around his throat, his gut, and his chest. His eyes darted between Mika and Lydia, only further twisting his already writhing insides.

       Choose.

       Alpha was punishing him. She was going to force him to choose who lived and who died. Bile rose in the back of his throat, a guttural growl leaving his lips. He was a caged animal. Cornered and forced to live out his worst nightmare.

       Negan's voice filled the camp, rippling with emotion, "You'd kill your own daughter to prove a point..."

       "If it is her destiny, I will not stand in the way," Alpha answered and for a second, Daryl thought he saw a flash of hurt cross her undead eyes. When she turned back to him it was gone, "Choose."

       Daryl tilted his chin up, rage boiling his blood, but underneath it all he knew there was no way out, “No.”

       "Choose or they both die," Alpha repeated. Sobs erupted around him. He felt Carol and Carl's eyes on him, pleading silently.

       His fingers were bloody as they dug into the hard dirt of the ground. The raggedy, panicked breathing of his family kneeling beside him buzzed in his ears along with the blood pounding in his veins. His stomach churned violently as his mind filled with noise. He searched and searched for a way out of this, but who was left to save them besides a miracle?

       "Daryl," Mika croaked even with a knife to her throat, "It's okay. It's alright."

       "No. No," Daryl burrowed his knees into the ground, shredding his fingers among the rocks in the dirt. Any bit of pain to clear his mind. He refused to look at Lydia or Mika, afraid Alpha would take a simple glance as an answer.

       “Mika!” Carl yelled out, voice breaking.

       Lydia's defeated voice floated to him, "Don't. This was always how it was supposed to be. It's okay. I got what I always wanted. Don’t blame yourself. You gave me everything."

       Tears escaped his eyes, a sob constricting his chest, "Stop. Stop this." Daryl looked up to Alpha for the first time without malice or anger, but hopelessness. Desperation thrashed in his gut, filling his body with snakes, "Kill me. Just kill me."

       It was a plea for mercy.

       Something within Alpha twitched, her head tilting to one side then snapping back up, "You can't protect the ones you already have. You're runnin' out of time. You took my cub. Now, I take one of yours," Her words sent a lightning bolt through his body. They were the same ones he heard in his nightmares and now it was all coming true.

       "Please..." Daryl pushed out, “Please, don’t.”

       "Daryl... Daryl look at me," Mika shouted, but he couldn't. He couldn't. He was too afraid if he looked, an answer would fall from his lips. "Dad." A sob was ripped from his throat, but he finally looked up. Mika was staring at him with tears streaming down her face, collecting on the knife at her neck. "I can't lose another sister. It's alright. Please. I love you—"

       "Daryl! Don't!" Lydia pleaded, when she turned to her mother, "Alpha, I'll do whatever you want just let ‘em go. You can kill me and end it all. You'll be rid of your final weakness."

       Alpha's gaze never left Daryl’s. She completely ignored Lydia’s cries, "You'll force my hand?"

       Daryl looked past Alpha, trying to find a miracle. Praying for anything. All that stared back at him were fearful eyes staring out of dead faces. He couldn’t breathe. There was nothing. He had nothing. It felt like millions of sharp knives were stabbing him all over. And that was nothing compared to the immense terror threatening to flay him alive.

       He gasped, letting his rage flow through him, because if he didn’t all that was left was two of his girls, dead. He had to try something, “Fuck you. I killed Beta. Took your daughter from ya. You wanna punish me. Take the blood from me. ‘Less you’re too chicken shit—”

       Alpha’s lip twitched, “Kill them both.”

       “No!” He roared.

       Seconds was all it took. Seconds. One second, he was staring at Lydia and Mika, helpless in front of him. The next, the very Earth shook underneath him, throwing him off balance, as an immense boom sounded through the woods. It reverberated through his teeth, his ear drums filling with pressure. The cave.

       The momentary distraction was enough for Mika. The girl moved quicker than lightning as she twisted the wrist of the Whisperer holding a knife to her throat. In one swift move, she twisted his wrist and shoved the knife into the underside of his jaw.

       Daryl surged up and sunk his blade into the Whisperer behind him. He was vaguely aware of the others doing the same. However, when he turned back to the scene in front of him, everything pulsed. His vision went red, a hazy vignette blocking out his peripherals. All he could see was Alpha, turning her shotgun towards Lydia. Screaming filled his head, but it wasn’t his own. His heart raced as he tried to close the distance, but Mika got there first. She threw herself over Lydia.

       A gunshot rang out, deafening all his senses. All Daryl could see was red. He surged towards Alpha, kicking the shotgun out of her hand. And he was on her. Like he expected she fought like an animal, but so did he. No one moved to stop him, so in the back of his mind, the other Whisperers had surrendered. He lashed out with his knife, severing the artery in her leg. Alpha collapsed to the ground, kneeling at his feet as she bled out. Daryl placed his blade against her throat.

       That’s when his vision widened again. When his hearing came back full force. And all he heard was sobbing, whimpering, pleading. Before he even looked, he knew. He felt it in the way his soul ripped apart. When he glanced over his shoulder, he saw her laying in a pool of her own blood. Carl was kneeling next to her, trying to stop the bleeding coming from her side. Carol was by her head, weeping like he hadn’t seen her do since Sofia came out of the barn.

       Mika laid between them, gasping for breath. Her chest heaving, trying to make sense of the pain and agony.

       And Daryl felt himself leave his body. He scooped up the shotgun he’d kicked out of Alpha’s hands and he just started swinging. The butt of the gun connected with her head over and over and over again. Until the crunching turned to a squelch. Until Alpha was an unrecognizable bloody pulp beat into the Earth below them.

       Mika’s face flashed before his eyes. The little girl who wasn’t afraid of him even when she probably should’ve been. The little girl who stated she felt safe with him without second thought before she truly knew him.

       He heard her gasping behind him, “Lizzie…Tyreese. I’m gonna…gonna get to see them now, Mom.”

       The world was burning around him and all he could do was kill. Make sure it was finished. His mind briefly registered the surrounding Whisperers either scattering or being forced to surrender by Mary and Negan. It wasn’t enough. They sat and they watched what Alpha did. And they did nothing.

       He recognized one of the kneeling as the one who’d been holding Lydia at knife point. Daryl strode towards him without another thought, his ears ringing and blood boiling. He refused to look anywhere else. If he did, it would make it all real.

       Daryl raised the shotgun to his masked face. The man didn’t even have a chance to whimper out a plea before Daryl pulled the trigger. It was the easiest thing he’d ever done. The kill was simple. The body slumped at his feet, a gaping hole in his head making him virtually unrecognizable. But it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t over.

       The shallow, pain-riddled gasps still sounded behind him. It hadn’t brought her back. It didn’t undo what Alpha had done. Her croaking voice invaded his mind again: It’s alright…it’s okay.

       He shook. None of this was all right.

       Suddenly, a hand grasped his shoulder. His knife came up without thought, until he saw Negan’s red rimmed eyes looking at him in despair, “Be with her. You’ll regret it. Trust me. I’ll take care’a this…”

       Daryl looked back at Mika still holding on. The sight sent him spiraling, ridding his body of oxygen. A knife flaying him open so he can bleed out slowly. Pressure continued to build and build. In the back of his mind, he felt the gun slip from his fingers. Daryl stumbled towards Mika until his knees gave out next to her too small body. He entered the circle of family all surrounding her.

       Mika’s bloody hand was caressing Carl’s cheek as she whispered to him, “No borrowed time. Told ya I was gonna love you ‘til…’til—"

       Carl sobbed through clenched teeth, cutting her off because he already knew what she was getting ready to say, “I love you, Mika. I love you.” Each pained sound he made shredded another part of Daryl’s soul.

       Mika’s eyes shifted to Lydia, nearly crumbled next to her as she wept uncontrollably. The girl had Mika’s blood on her clothes and her whole body shook with the force of her sobs. “Not your fault. Would do it again. You’re meant to be here.”

       “Not…” Lydia whimpered, “Not without you. I can’t.”

       Mika was growing weaker, but she seemed to gain a second wind after Lydia’s words landed, “Yes, you can. Do it for me.”

       Carol absently brushed Mika’s hair away from her forehead as she wept, but Mika’s eyes turned towards him. Somehow, they were still bright and clear. And somehow the fucking girl smiled at him.

       “There’s nothin’ you could’ve done,” Mika stuttered, “This was how…how it was meant to be.” Fear spiked in her eyes as her breathing got more labored like she had more to say, but her time was coming to an end. A sob escaped her bloodless lips, “I love you. Couldn’t’ve asked for a better family.”

       “No…no,” Daryl pleaded through tears. He had to tell her. She had to know. “Mika—” Suddenly, the girl dying in front of his eyes wasn’t a woman, but an eight-year-old girl. She looked up at him with bright, hopeful eyes and rosy cheeks. Then, she was gone. Leaving him to deal with this agony ripping him to shreds, but she had to know. “Always gonna be my daughter.”

       It shouldn’t be this way. The first time he truly acknowledged what she was to him. It shouldn’t be while she was bleeding out. He should’ve told her sooner. Should’ve told her he loved her more. Should’ve told her the only reason he ever thought he could be a father in the first place was because of her. She was the reason. And she would always be his first kid.

       “I know,” Mika smiled through her tears, her breathing coming in short bursts.

       He bowed forward, placing his lips on the crown of her head. Then, her chest hitched and her eyes were no longer clear and bright. They dimmed and she went limp. And wherever she went a part of his soul went too.

       All that was left was an empty husk. The roaring in his head went quiet and there was just an endless void of nothing.

 

~

 

       Glenn was covered in blood. It was splattered across his neck, face and clothes. Dante kneeled at his feet in the midst of Whisperer and walker bodies alike littering Alexandria’s front entrance way. He was the last one. Beth stepped back, letting Glenn take over. Her blades dripped at her side; hair more red than blonde. Everything ached. Sharp pain sparked through her abdomen and lower. Just a stark reminder she'd given birth not too long ago.

       Maggie had a gaping slash across her face, but the flaming inferno in her eyes was enough to settle Beth's nerves. They were all right. They made it.

       Glenn grabbed Dante's hair, ripping his head back towards the sky. He rested his hunting knife almost delicately against his throat. Dante remained unphased, but they were past the point where fear or remorse would've brought them mercy. Too many of their people were gone because of them. Dante was there. He may not have removed their heads, but he made Glenn watch. So, she stood emotionless as Dante closed his eyes, face turned up to the sky.

       There was a small smile forming on his lips. However, just before Glenn dragged the blade across his neck, he whispered, "Open your eyes."

       Dante's eyes flew open, the smile falling from his face. His body tensed, but it was too late. The smile on his lips was gone, but Glenn carved another into his neck. His body thudded to the ground, his nose crunching against the pavement. Glenn's face twisted in anger looking down at the convulsing body.

       Then, he melted. Shoulders sagging. Face falling. Hands going slack so the knife he held clattered to the ground. He stumbled, knees weak. Maggie rushed forward, enveloping him to keep him steady.

       As the twitching in Dante's body subsided, Beth let out a breath and tilted her head back towards the sky. And she prayed for the first time in a long time. Beth didn't pray for a miracle. She'd become too much of a realist for that, but she did pray whatever she was given, it was something she could handle. Something she could live through. 

       Beth prayed.

Notes:

You guys have no idea how difficult this chapter was to write. Truly, I sobbed writing most of it. And I've debated endlessly for weeks about whether this was the right choice or not, but in the end I decided there was no other way this could go. So, I will spend most of the end notes explaining my reasoning for why I did what I did.

From the very beginning of this story, I knew I wanted to Mika to live, but I also knew she was going to die at some point in the story. I just didn't know when. However, as the story went on and I started developing her character more and more, it became harder and harder thinking about killing her character. I adore Mika. She was an amazing character to write, so this chapter killed me, but this is the full circle of her character arc.

This chapter is called full circle. There are many parallels and character arc closures in this chapter. Mika's included. Because Lizzie killed herself to prove her "walker ideology" to Carol and Tyreese, Mika lived with a lot of guilt. She blamed herself for not helping her sister more (even though she was a child and that wasn't her responsibility). Mika dying to save Lydia, her sister, is her full circle moment. She believes wholeheartedly Lydia is supposed to live. Mika finally got to save her sister.

Writing her death scene, nearly ruined my computer with how much I was crying. This is Daryl's worst nightmare, losing a child. Mika comforting each one of her family before she died was such a Mika thing to do. I love this character with all my heart, but I am also proud of the ending I gave her. I think it did her justice and it would've been exactly how she wanted to go out.

Just touching on other little things. Glenn gets some closure by being able to kill Dante. Beth has a full circle arc closure with the convergence and reckoning of Beth Greene (younger, innocent Beth) and Beth Dixon (her present self). Negan gets a taste of his own medicine by being on the other side of a line up. Alpha never trusted Negan, not like in the show. Funnily enough, Beta dying actually made her trust everyone else less. In the show, Negan betrayer her was what she didn't prepare for. In this story, the only thing she didn't prepare for was our group knowing and blowing up the cave. It was her downfall. The Whisperers have fallen. Alpha and Dante are dead. And the horde in the cave is destroyed.

I purposefully didn't include the full on battle in this chapter because we've seen the same thing twice at Oceanside and Hilltop now. It would have been just more of the same. The most important part was the scene at the Whisperer camp.

Anyways, I am giving you guys all the love and hugs. I know this was such a hard chapter, but I hope it was still satisfying as a character closure for Mika Samuels. My girl will always be in my heart. Rest in peace <3

Chapter 75: Freefalling

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I have have a very heavy angst/hurt/comfort chapter for you guys today. Lots of hurt, but also some very cathartic comfort too :)

Trigger Warning: Mentions/Attempted (not an actual attempt, but rather be safe than sorry) Suicide. Please beware and be safe!

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

              Hours After

       Daryl hadn’t seen the bodies until he nearly stumbled over one walking into Alexandria. There was so much noise. So much buzzing. His eyes were dazedly looking over the destruction like he wasn’t in his body. A phantom him took in the people of Alexandria coming towards the gate to welcome them home. He observed the shift from celebratory to confusion then to sorrow and it made him shrink away.

       Rosita brushed past him, running into Siddiq’s arms. The same with Magna and Yumiko as they joined Kelly and Connie. After they blew up the cave and half of Alpha’s horde, the group had found them subduing the rest of the Whisperers. Thankfully, no one had died in the explosion thanks to Eugene and Rosita’s time release trigger.

       Daryl swayed on his feet, fist tightening around the reigns of the horse carrying his daughter’s slumped body. He refused to look. Refused to let himself see. Everything hurt. His head was still throbbing. For a while, blood had dripped into his eye from a cut he hadn’t realized Alpha had given him. It long since stopped bleeding, but he still felt the sharp pain underneath the throbbing of his head.

       He was stuck. Daryl was stuck in that bloodcurdling moment. There was nothing else except her warm skin turning cold. Her bright eyes going dark. There was nothing except her last reassurance: I know. With Mika’s last gasping breathes, all she did was comfort the people around her when it should have been the other way around.

       There was no one left to kill. No one left to hunt down. All she left was an empty hole with nothing to fill it. Not even his rage. It stayed in his body whirling in his chest and stomach like some rabid beast waiting to be let loose. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Carl or Carol. Or Lydia. He failed them. He failed her.

       “Daryl?”

       His body tensed even more as the voice he found comfort in floated to his ears. The way Beth’s voice broke when her eyes met his. She was clutching Annette to her chest. He watched the moment she recognized the body on the horse. Watched the moment she crumbled, knees giving out.

       And he did nothing.

       He let her fall because he couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. Couldn’t do anything except see Mika’s blood pour from her body. Maggie was the one who had to take Annette from her. Rosita was the ones who went to her first. All he could do was watch. Daryl had nothing else left to give.

       Her crying was multiplied when Lydia and Carol joined her. Some distance part of him was thankful Beth had someone to mourn with because he couldn’t do it. Not now. He didn’t deserve that comfort. The comfort of his wife’s arms or soothing words.

       “Don’t touch her!” Carl yelled out, cutting through his numbness. Daryl couldn’t help but turn and see Carl pushing Siddiq and Rick away from Mika’s body. He looked away when Carl pulled Mika’s limp body into his arms.

       The reigns slipped from his hand and he started walking towards Beth. When she saw him coming, she unlatched herself from Lydia and rushed towards him. Tears streamed down her face, “I’m so sorry, Daryl. So sorry…”

       Her hand reached out and rested against his chest, but he didn’t feel it because he wasn’t there. How could he be when a part of him died with Mika?

 

 

       As minutes turned to days, his rage remained. He was present for Beth and Annette, but he also wasn’t because things were quiet now. And when things got quiet, all Daryl could hear was Mika begging him to kill her. Then, he got angry and fled into the woods to kill something. Anything. He was never gone long because eventually, his anger turned to incapacitating fear. So, he’d rush home, panic threatening to consume him until he found Beth and Annette exactly where he left them.

       It was a cycle, a never-ending one. Daryl woke up in cold sweats. He left for the woods. Came back when he couldn’t breathe on his own anymore to find Beth where he left her in their bed. Not dead. Then, he did it all over again.

       He didn’t sleep, instead opting to hold Annette in his arms the whole night. Only letting her go so Beth could feed her. His life became rage. Became twisted in unfathomable fear he couldn’t get away from, not even in his sleep. Everywhere he turned there was a reminder of Mika. Even when he looked at Beth.

       Daryl hadn’t realized how many mannerisms Mika picked up from Beth and Carol and Carl. Every time Beth pushed her hair behind her ears or Carol got that knowing look or Carl’s eyes narrowed in question. He couldn’t escape her, but the worst of it was Lydia. She hung around like a shadow reminding him how he failed her and Mika. She remained a ghost from the moment Mika went limp.

       Her sallow eyes and exhausted bones followed him into his nightmares. Daryl wanted to do something. Say something. Be there for her, but he couldn’t. How could he? He killed her mother right in front of her. Daryl did exactly what Negan had done to Mika when he killed Tyreese. He failed her over and over again. But even though he couldn’t bring himself to reach out, he could still protect her from a distance.

       As hours turned into days, nothing stopped hurting.

 

~

 

             Days Turn into Weeks

       Weeks past and Daryl still couldn’t breathe properly. He constantly felt like he was trying to catch his breath, but could never quite do it. The community rebuilt. They kept going. Teams of people were assigned shift to start rebuilding Hilltop. Life went on, but he was still stuck. His worst nightmare became real. He drifted through the days not fully awake. Dragging words from his mouth became impossible. Moving even more so.

       Suddenly, a sharp pain went through his finger. His hazy mind cleared enough for him to recognize the gushing cut on his finger. He set down his crossbow, halting his efforts to unjam it. The wrought iron railing dug into his back as his home loomed over him.

       Blood dripped onto the steps creating a pool in between his bent-up legs. And he just watched. The pain barely registered. Seemed like all he could do these days. Just exist one day to the next. Soft footsteps interrupted his trance. He looked up, scrunching his eyes from the sun, to see Beth walking down the steps towards him, her eyebrows furrowed in concern looking at his wound. Nette was nestled in her arms, awake, eyes dancing.

       Before Beth could do anything, he stuck his finger in his mouth to subdue the bleeding before getting back to work on his crossbow. His wife sat down on the step above him, her hair was unbound and blowing in the light breeze, which carried her scent to his nose. Something about her presence simultaneously calmed him, but also made him tense because he could tell she wanted to talk.

       Then, guilt surged through him for falling back into his old habits of avoiding the tough conversations with her. He just couldn’t bring himself to handle anything else.

       “Siddiq said I’m clear…” Beth trailed off behind him as he finally cleared all the shit out of his crossbow gears. He grunted in response, refusing to answer because he knew what was coming. And he just couldn’t, but she continued anyway, “I can come with ya’ll today. Siddiq an’ Rosita said they’d watch Ettie.”

       “No,” Daryl replied, bluntly, refusing to look at her because he knew he was crossing a line, again. That simmering rage inside him woke up the fear and twisted his words, cruelly, “Ain’t goin’.”

       “Daryl—” Beth replied, softly, but a lead balloon exploded in his gut thinking about her outside the walls of Alexandria.

       “Nah, it ain’t a discussion. You’re fuckin’ stayin’ here,” he faced her so he could see how serious he was. However, the only thing it got him was a twisted knife to the ribs. The way she was looking at him, the pain and devastation, only made him spiral into his guilt further. Underneath the hurt, he could see exactly what she was thinking: Like recognizes like.

       She knew what it was. What it felt like to be drowning, but unable to swim. Instead of fighting him like he wanted her to, she just nodded in defeat, “Alright. I’ll stay.” He hated how she gave into him without a fight. Hated how she always looked on the verge of tears, not just because of Mika, but because of him.

       Daryl shouldn’t be this person. Shouldn’t be taking out his fear on Beth, but he couldn’t stop himself even if he tried. He should be better. He knew. She was just another someone to add to the long list of people he’d failed recently.

       He stood, seeing the damn cavalry pulling up to the front gate to head out. It should be a simple run. Nothing strenuous. They were just checking out a seed library a couple counties over. Daryl turned to Beth and Nette as he shouldered his crossbow. He ran a gentle hand over his daughter’s head. When his eyes connected with Beth, he saw an expecting gleam there.

       Daryl pulled away, breaking eye contact as he said, “Be back tonight.” He practically felt the wave of hurt overcoming his wife as he turned to walk away.

       Some fucked up part of him thought if he drew closer to Beth and Annette, they’d slip from his grasp. He let himself believe he’d be a good father because of Mika, but she was gone. Daryl wasn’t quick enough. Wasn’t there in time. He didn’t fight hard enough to keep her.

       So, what did that make him? She was gone and he still had a daughter, but none of it felt right. The connection between him and Annette had dimmed. When he looked at her, all he saw was the one he lost. The daughter he failed. What could he give Annette if he couldn’t protect her?

       When he looked at his daughter, there was a hopelessness so deep he didn’t even know where to start to root it out. Guilt swept over him so violently, his vision flickered. He gripped the iron railing for stability, trying to get rid of it all. Wipe it away. Beth’s warm hand fell onto his shoulder lightly and God help him, he flinched.

       His body rejected the only form of comfort he’d ever known because it knew he didn’t deserve it.

       Daryl couldn’t look at her so, he started walking towards the gate. Her broken voice called after him, “Daryl?” But he kept going.

       Aaron, Magna, Rosita, Michonne, and Glenn were already at the gate clambering onto the horse drawn carriage. They’d take the roads as far as they could until they became too dangerous or congested.

       Through his haze of regret and self-loathing, he heard the murmuring of children laughing. His head turned of its own accord, following the sound. Hershel, Judith, Gracie, RJ, and Finch were running after each other through their field of crops near the windmill. Alarm bells went off in his head as he scanned the surrounding area until he saw Maggie, Siddiq, Sherry, and Rick all keeping watch over them.

       He nearly did a double take when he saw Negan’s head pop up from behind the patch of tomatoes. He was keeping to himself, but his watchful eyes scanned the community almost like he was afraid someone would notice he was still out and throw him back in a cell. Daryl had set his grievances with him aside after he saved Beth’s life, but that didn’t mean he’d object if Aaron or Carl or Rick wanted to throw his ass back in a cell. Although, he doubted they would. If anything, he’d just show up dead one day. A tragic accident.

       When he looked back to his family, they were smiling. The only one who’s expression looked strained was Rick. His brother had started wearing his weapons belt again, even in the house. His smile was distant and Daryl knew why. It was the same reason Michonne’s was too.

       Carl. He wasn’t around much. Disappeared for long stretches of time and came back covered in blood. Carl didn’t talk, but he didn’t need to because his silent wrath oozed off him in waves. The grief they shared wasn’t the same. When he put it in perspective, bile rose in the back of his throat. Carl lost his Beth. Daryl knew what it was. If he thought about it too long, he’d leave his body.

       Carl lost his Beth. Carol lost her daughter. Lydia lost her sister. Rick and Michonne lost one of their own. Mika was a Grimes. She was a Peletier. And she was a Dixon. His fucking daughter. Daryl taught her everything he knew so she’d make it and, in the end, none of it mattered.

       “You coming with us?”

       Speaking of Michonne, her voice floated over to him. It was softer than he heard it in a while, which made sense when he saw who she was talking to. Lydia was standing next to the carriage, pulling her bag off her shoulder to set in the back with everyone else’s. Her staff was resting over her shoulder. The sleeve of her shirt was cut to account for her missing arm, which only made him realize how vulnerable she was still.

       Aaron started retraining Lydia to fight with one arm. Henry was never far behind. Since Hilltop had fallen, it would take a lot longer to get Lydia a prosthetic made, especially since Alden was their blacksmith and he was gone too.

       “Yeah,” she answered, quietly, glancing over at him briefly before her eyes fell to the ground.

       Panic seized him so brutally as images of Mika’s lifeless body flashed before his eyes. Then, suddenly, the lifeless girl wasn’t Mika, but Lydia. Drowning in her own pool of blood. Calling his name. Whispering how Mika’s death was a waste if he couldn’t keep her alive. His surroundings went in and out of focus. His fear turned to anger. Anger at himself.

       “Get your shit,” Daryl growled, his voice wavering slightly, “You ain’t goin’.”

       Everyone froze. Lydia’s head whipped towards him, her eyes wide for a second, before she shrunk back. Daryl wanted to rip his own vocal cords out for talking to Lydia like that, but he wasn’t in control anymore. He sat in the back of his mind as a passenger, screaming at himself to stop.

       “I can help,” Lydia offered, trying to come off stern, but he could see through the façade.

       Daryl threw his shit into the back of the carriage, “Don’t want it—"

       “Daryl,” Michonne interrupted, her confusion and exasperation were clear in her reprimanding tone.

       Lydia was biting into her lip, but her face was hard. Daryl knew better. He knew the damage he just caused was irreparable, but if it kept her here and safe, it was worth it. Someone fuckin’ stop me! Someone push back! He was on autopilot as he grabbed Lydia’s pack out of the carriage and handed it back, “You’re stayin’.”

       She grabbed her pack. When her eyes connected with his, he saw a gut-wrenching picture. Complete and utter defeat. No fight left. Just a ghost. She brushed past him, whispering, “I’m sorry.” It sounded so beaten; his heart dropped. He almost reached out to her, but she kept walking further into the community.

       That’s when he spotted Beth, watching him. Watching Lydia. Her face was unreadable and that was maybe worse than if she’d just been disappointed. Disgusted. Anything.

       Then, Daryl did what he did best. He left.

           

~

 

       Beth climbed the stairs, exhaustion hitting her harder than she expected. Her heart was in her throat, tension in her body from the constant push and pull of every emotion playing her like a violin. However, she needed to be present for Lydia. For Daryl. Carol. And Carl. She had to hold them together now. It was her responsibility. She couldn't break because if she did, there would be no one left to help put them back together.

       She just witnessed the first crack in Daryl. She saw the regret painted clearly on his face as he watched Lydia walk past him. Daryl covered his pain well, but he couldn’t hide from her no matter how hard he tried, but she knew they’d only scratched the surface. Daryl was free falling and he needed to land before he could pick himself back up again.

       It was hard to reach someone who believed they only deserved the pain, because her husband blamed himself for Mika. Beth knew he did. She had a suspicious, but the second he flinched away from her touch, she knew. Daryl was punishing himself because he felt guilty. It was killing her to see him in so much silent pain. So much unspoken agony.

       He lashed out, wanting to protect the ones he loved, but he was also isolating himself. Pushing anyone away who could offer him comfort or relief. Even Annette. And didn’t that sound awfully familiar to her?

       Beth’s climbed the stairs to the house Lydia shared with Carol, Ezekiel, and Henry. She had wanted her to stay with them, but Lydia refused. A part of her knew it had to do with Daryl and Carl being in the same house. Just like she knew Daryl blamed himself for Mika, Lydia did too.

       The house was quiet. The others were off doing their daily chores. Beth climbed the stairs to the second floor, readjusting Nette as she started to squirm. Something niggled at the back of her brain. When she got to the landing, Beth realized the front door had been left unlocked. It was odd. No one ever left their doors unlocked anymore. It was a knee-jerk intuition to always do it. Some people still barricaded their front and back doors.

       Lydia was no different, but something was wrong. Very wrong.

       Her door was closed at the end of the hall. Beth silently treaded towards it and without thinking, opened it. Many things hit her all at once. Beth's eyes scanned the room and immediately located Lydia sitting on her bed facing the window on the other side of the room. Even though her back was turned, Beth still caught the glint of a blade pressed into her wrist. 

       Lydia whirled towards her, the knife slipping from her fingers and clattering to the floor. The clank of it hitting boomed through her body. Beth was frozen, but the sob that slipped from Lydia had her rushing towards her. She needed to set down Annette, so she quickly located an empty drawer, padded it was some t-shirts and placed her inside.

      Once her arms were free, she swiped the knife up and pocketed it before folding Lydia into her arms. The girl slumped into her, completely breaking apart.

       Beth was horrified. Not just at what could've happened if she hadn't decided to follow her, but at the sheer weight of missing how far she had sunk into her despair. Beth had overlooked her because she seemed to be handling Mika's death better than everyone else. And she just assumed with enough time, Lydia would be all right, but Beth had forgotten. Lydia didn't just lose Mika. She lost her mom too. However awful she may have been, Alpha was still Lydia's mom.

       "Lydia..." Beth breathed out, hoping her voice didn't sound accusatory, because that was the thing. Beth had been exactly where Lydia was before. She had been that far gone.

       "I can't leave her. I can't," Lydia sobbed. Her breathing hitched. Beth's brows furrowed in confusion until her words finally registered and swept the rug out from under her.

       Lydia couldn't leave Mika alone. She wanted to follow her. To join her. Beth wrapped her arms around her tighter like she could somehow mend her broken pieces back together. For the first time in years, the scar on Beth's wrist burned in recognition.

       "There are so many people you'd be leavin' behind here. People that love you," Beth whispered.

       The girl shook her head, "They blame me. I feel it…the way they stare. My mother's the reason she's dead, right? This all started 'cause I ran away. Back to you. Daryl...he blames me. He can't even look at me—"

       "Hey," Beth cupped Lydia's face, pulling her up from her chest to look at her. Her voice was stern, "Daryl does not blame you. He doesn't. I promise ya, he doesn't."

       Lydia's eyes were wide and filled with tears, "He can't even look at me. Him or Carl. You heard what he said...he doesn't want me. And I don't blame him."

        Beth kept in her own sob at her interpretation of Daryl's outburst, "Lydia, I need ya to listen to me. Daryl is pushin' you away 'cause he can't stand ta lose another child. He didn't want ya on that run 'cause he doesn't want ya to get hurt. When he's hurt, he gets...protective an’ lashes out. Sometimes to an extreme."

       “Everyone avoids me. Guess it’s easier to do that than to say, ‘Hey, sorry your mother was a monster. Sorry she died. Sorry you lost a sister.’ I hated her…” Lydia trailed off sniffling.

       Beth finished, “But she was still your mother. Nothin’s gonna change that.”

       Her face scrunched up again as another wave of emotion hit her, “It hurts…still hurts. All the time. Guess I am weak. Just like she said.”

       The scar on her wrist throbbed in answer and she knew what she had to do. Lydia’s words were branded deep and the person who could understand a little bit had seemingly blown her off. Beth needed her to see that she could come back from this.

       She pushed up her sleeve and placed her scarred wrist into Lydia’s lap so she could see it. Seconds past before her head turned up towards her, not surprised, but waiting. Lydia’s eyes bounced between the scar and Beth’s face.

       She took a deep breath, “After the world fell, my mama and brother turned soon after. It was way before we learned walkers were dead an’ it wasn’t just some sickness that could be cured. My daddy kept ‘em in our barn an’ I held off mournin’ ‘em. Wasn’t long after when we learned the hard way. They were dead an’ they weren’t comin’ back. After that, didn’t see the point in goin’ on. I’d been holdin’ out hope the world would eventually go back to how it was before an’ all’a that was ripped from me in’a moment.”

       Lydia listened, keeping a watchful eye on her as Beth continued, “Did this thinkin’ I didn’t wanna do it anymore. Thinkin’ I didn’t wanna face what was out there. An’ I didn’t wanna feel the pain. The minute I did it, I regretted it. But it made me realize I wanted to live. Wanted to fight even if every day was filled with pain ‘cause there was still good. An old friend told me the pain never goes away, but ya make room for it. She was right. She made room for her sister. I made room for my mama an’ brother. An’ for all the people we lost after. There’s more livin’ to do. If I’d given up, I never woulda gotten the family I have now. Never woulda met you or Mika. I consider myself lucky knowin’ I got ta spend some of my life with her even if it got cut short.”

       Beth concluded, her voice soft, but there was no room for argument, “You are not weak, Lydia.”

       Tears freely flowed down Lydia’s cheeks as she absentmindedly ran her fingers over the scar on her wrist. Her fingers drifted higher up her forearm to rest on the much larger vertical scar. Lydia’s questioning eyes raised to look at her and a grin tugged on Beth’s lips despite the sordid memories, “Got this one slittin’ Negan’s throat.”

       Lydia didn’t balk, but she did pause at her bluntness before saying quietly, “He saved me. Took my place. Convinced me not to go after my mother alone. I would’ve died if it hadn’t been for him. He tried to protect Mika. I know he did.”

       “I know,” Beth reassured her.

       “Are you going to lock him up again?”

       Beth smiled sadly, “No. A promise is a promise.”

       “But…Mika?” Lydia wavered.

       “Like you said. He kept you alive. An’ that ain’t nothin’. It’s everythin’ and I’m not one to go back on my promises,” Beth reasoned. She stood up from the bed, pulling Lydia with her, “Come on. Gotta give Annette to my sister ‘fore she puts out a search party ‘cause she didn’t get ta hold her niece today. Then, think we’re owed a good, long nap.”

       Lydia stood, wiping away the tears with her one hand, “I…You don’t have to worry about me.”

       Beth brushed Lydia’s hair over her shoulder as a comforting gesture, “But I do. I always will. You’re my family an’ I worry ‘bout my family. I’m with you.” She ran the next thing she wanted to say over in her head, before saying, carefully, “No one can make ya wanna live. Only you can, but promise me…the next time you’re thinkin’ things ain’t worth it, come to me. You don’t gotta say anythin’. Just tell me you’re havin’ a bad day an’ I’ll know. Alright?”

       Inside, Beth didn’t know if she was doing the right thing. She was terrified of leaving Lydia alone. Terrified she might leave them too, but she knew what it had felt like when Maggie and Lori smothered her and locked her away in a bedroom at the farm.

       In hindsight, she knew it was for her own good, but it had made things worse until it was too late. And she didn’t want to do that to Lydia, but still a part of her was screaming at her to take all her weapons and keep her safe from harm. However, another part of her, knew she had to make this decision herself.

       The only shining light was if Lydia made a promise, Beth knew she would keep it. So, she waited for her answer. Agonizing seconds stretched on. The room was thick with anticipation before Lydia finally broke it, “I promise.”

       Beth let out a sigh of relief.

 

~

           

       Beth woke up to yelling. In her discombobulated state, she initially assumed it was Annette. However, it was too muffled and deep for it to be her baby girl. It was dark out and it took a second for her eyes to adjust. Still half asleep, she traced her fingers over Daryl's side of the bed to find someone there, but it wasn’t Daryl. There was a sinking sensation in her stomach before Beth remembered. Lydia laid curled up next to her still asleep.

       A jolt of fear seized her when another muffled yell reached her ears. She stood and went to Annette's crib. She was sleeping soundly with her index finger wrapped around the bridge of her nose.

       Her head snapped up when she heard a crashing sound coming from upstairs followed by more deep, muffled shouting. Beth hadn't realized, but she already had palmed her knife. She made a split-second decision. 

       Hastily, but still gently, she picked up Annette from her crib, knowing she couldn't leave her by herself with Lydia still sound asleep. Surprisingly, Nette only squirmed, but stayed quiet. Beth patted her against her chest, making soothing noises near her ear, as she walked towards the door. She waited for a lull in whatever commotion was happening before opening the door and making her way upstairs.

       When she entered the hallway on the first floor, she saw Maggie lingering near the landing towards the second floor. Her sister was staring up the stair, presumably where the noise was coming from. Maggie's eyes were filled with tears. Her heart was in her throat. Who was yelling? What was happening?

       "Mags," Beth whispered. Her sister's head whipped towards her, eye wide, "What's goin' on?" She was still out of it from being ripped out of her sleep.

       She looked between her and Annette before answering, "Rick’s tryin' ta calm Carl down." There was another shattering sound from upstairs. Beth could hear it much clearer now.

       "Where're the other kids?" She asked with concern. 

       “Glenn an’ Michonne took ‘em on a walk ta get ‘em outta the house.”

       Beth’s eyebrows furrowed, “Glenn’s back—"

       "Carl," Daryl’s voice called out from upstairs. Beth’s eyes widened. He was back and he hadn’t woken her up to tell her.

       Beth made another split-second decision, but Maggie was already on it like she could read her mind. Her sister took Annette from her arms and whispered, “Go.”

       Maybe Beth could help. She doubted it, but if there was something she could do, she wanted to do it. It was better than sitting here and doing nothing. She'd watched Daryl wilt away for weeks. Watched Carl descend further into his rage. And she couldn't just do nothing anymore.

       Beth ascended the stairs following the heightened voices down the hall and to the first room on the left. The door was ajar so, she could see the heart wrenching scene unfolding before her eyes.

       Carl looked manic. Unhinged. Sickly even. His hands and clothes were stained red with blood and he was pacing like a cornered animal in a trap. Beth scanned the room for what could've caused his hand to bleed. Then, she saw the glittering shards of mirror scattered across the floor and dresser, but there was also dark blood coating his clothes that clearly wasn’t his own. She put two and two together: he just came back from outside the walls. If she had to guess, killing walkers.

       Carl's eye flicked back and forth between Rick and Daryl, both tense, but trying to seem like they weren’t so they wouldn’t spook him. Beth's heart crumbled into a million different ways. Carl was so deep in his grief he couldn't see two of the people who loved him standing right in front of him, trying to talk him down.

       Carl surged across the room in the blink of an eye. Beth barely had time to react before he heaved a small wooden stool through his window. It shattered, giving away easily and a loud crack boomed through the street outside. Vaguely sounding like a gunshot. A split second of silence fell before Annette started to scream downstairs from the noise.

       "What're you gonna do?" Carl yelled, "None of this matters! What was any of this shit for? She's gone!"

       Since Mika died, all Carl's demons had stormed the open floodgates. Beth saw it in his eye. How it flickered and darkened around the edges. Gone was any sort of resistance to the darkness that bubbled over. It died with her. Beth couldn't comprehend his pain. She remembered witnessing Daryl die. Seeing him get shot. But he had come back. He was still here. The love of her life was still here with her. Even thinking about the overwhelming pain Carl was dealing with made tears burn the back of her eyes. 

       "Carl...please," Rick begged, his voice calm, "She wouldn't want this. You gonna out at all hours of the night. You’re gonna get yourself killed!"

       "How could you know what she wants? She's dead!"

       Beth flinched at the stark declaration. And she saw Daryl do the same, although it was much more subtle, but she could tell how much those words impacted him. He was already tense enough; she was afraid he might snap any second.

       "Told us what she wanted," Daryl said, standing up a bit straighter, but still not completely facing Carl head on, "Know ya heard her."

       "Don't patronize me," he sneered, "I can't hear anything but her. Or did you already move on? Like she’s just another name on our wall.”

       The crazed look in Carl’s eye reminded her of Rick after Lori died. And from the way Rick was looking at his son, he recognized it too, “We haven’t forgotten…”

       At Annette’s muffled cries, Daryl turned to towards to sound and made eye contact with her. Something in his eye flickered, but it was too dark to make it out. That’s when his gaze shifted over her shoulder. Beth glanced behind her and saw Lydia standing at the top of the stairs. Her gaze was locked in on Carl.

       Beth went to reach for her, but Lydia walked around her outstretched hand and into the lion’s den. It was almost like she was in a trance. For a wretched moment, Beth thought Carl may lash out at Lydia. It crossed her mind briefly, but no matter how deep Carl was in his grief, he’d never physically hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it.

       Carl’s wide eyes followed Lydia until she was standing right in front of him. No one breathed, afraid the slightest bit of movement would bring more chaos. Lydia reached her hand out and carefully grabbed one of Carl’s bloody ones, uncaring of it getting all over her. Then, Lydia did something that made the air bow out of her lungs.

       Lydia stepped into his chest and wrapped her arm around his back. Carl just stood there, tension and wrath marring his features, but when his gaze turned down to look at Lydia, he broke. Just like the window, Carl shattered before their eyes. His body collapsed and Lydia went to the floor with him. His arms pulled her in.

       She was whispering words into him that Beth couldn’t hear, but it didn’t matter. Lydia had gotten through to Carl. He was sobbing, incoherent words flowing out of his mouth. And she realized, Lydia was doing the same things to comfort him that Beth did for her.

       Beth didn’t waste another second, she grabbed Rick and Daryl, pulling them out of the room. She closed the door softly behind them. It was hard to leave them, but they needed that moment to mourn together privately.

       No words were spoken between the three of them, but the scene that unfolded obviously affected them all greatly. Rick had tears in his eyes, but the tension pulling his body taunt was gone. Daryl was chewing the inside of his cheek, clearly somewhere deep in his own mind. And she was breathing heavily, her heart pounding against her chest from the adrenaline of the situation.

       Silently, all three of them descended the stairs. When she didn’t immediately see Annette and Maggie, her heart started to race more. That’s when she heard stifled conversation coming from outside. Beth rushed to the window to see Maggie holding Annette, talking with Glenn and Michonne while the other kids ambled around them.

       A deep sigh came out of her. Rick put a hand on Daryl’s shoulder and nodded at her before he walked out the front door to join them outside, probably to tell them what happened.

       Beth and Daryl were alone.

       So much went unsaid between them, but Beth just waited because she knew Daryl was on the edge. She’d always wait for him. His head fell back between his shoulder, looking up at the ceiling. And his breathing became quicker. When his eyes found her again, Beth grabbed onto the back of the couch for support, because the intensity and weight of everything came crashing down.

       "Begged her ta kill me," Daryl said, finally letting what he was holding onto free, "They were begging me ta chose 'em. To pick. To kill one'a them. An' ya know what? Wasn't thinkin' 'bout anythin' else. Not you. Not Nette. I wanted ta die for her."

       Her eyes burned, the urge to dig her fingernails into her own skin mounted. The pain she was witnessing crawl underneath Daryl skin was agonizing to watch. She loved him so much and she only wanted to take it all away, "Daryl—"

       "Nah, Beth,” he shook his head, defeated, “Ya know what that makes me? My dad."

       Beth’s eyes widened in utter ruin, "Daryl Dixon, you an' I both know you're nothin' like your father. Don't even say that."

       "It shoulda been me. An' I woulda left ya both without'a second thought," he nearly snarled, but she knew his anger was only directed at himself.

       Beth saw what he was doing. Pulling away to try and make sense of the pain he was feeling. She'd seen him do it before, many times, but not in years. Beth wanted to take his pain. She'd tripled her own so he wouldn't have to feel any of it, but Daryl had to feel it. He needed to find out for himself that he could survive the worst. Just like he did for her. Although, this was much worse.

       There was so much guilt and pain knotted inside him. She could practically see it twisting itself over and over again until it was nearly impossible to unravel. 

       Instead of shrinking away from his words, Beth surged forward and wrapped her arms around him. Her cheek rested against his back in between his angel wings. The rapid rise and fall of his chest increased. His hand grasped her arms and tried to unravel them, but she held onto him. And eventually his body slumped.

       Raggedy breathes left his mouth in a huff and when she felt the first tear drop fall onto her clasped arms, Beth knew she'd gotten through.

      "Mika was your daughter. Your first daughter. Nothin's ever gonna change that. She was your first priority in that moment. You're right. She should be here. She should. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn't."

       “Couldn’t keep her safe—”

       Beth wrapped her arms around him tighter, “You did everythin’ ya could. There was nothin’ ya coulda done. Mika chose to protect her sister. Nothin’ woulda stopped her from doin’ that.”

       Daryl’s chest hitched, “Ya weren’t there, Beth…she was the reason…”

       He trailed off, but Beth knew. Tears burned her eyes, his vest soaking them up, as she finished for him, “She was the reason ya allowed yourself ta believe you’d be a good father. But that’s the thing Daryl. Her not bein’ here doesn’t change that.”

       He nodded, head falling forward, as he whispered, “It does.”

       “No. You’re still the same person. Still the same man who taught her everythin’ she needed ta know to survive. Still the same man who loved her unconditionally. You’re still her dad even if she’s not here anymore. She loved you so much, Daryl. An’ she knew how much ya loved her. Don’t disappear on me. I know ya need ta not be here sometimes. That’s alright. Long as ya always come back ta us.”

       A shiver ran up through Daryl’s body, but she didn’t let go. Eventually, his hands wrapped around her own, not to push her away, but to pull her closer. And for now, that was everything.

       Daryl finally landed.

Notes:

Whew a lot of internal things happened this chapter. There's a lot of grief and mourning, of course. This chapter takes place of a series of weeks, around 5ish if anyone is curious. So, a lot of lot went into this chapter and I'm having a hard time collecting all my thoughts on it, but I'll try my best to keep it short and sweet.

So, I am focusing mostly on Daryl's grief. I feel like the TV show often skipped over many character's grief and PTSD (which I understand because they don't have time to include it usually). Beth went through her PTSD and grief arc after the Saviors and now it's Daryl's turn. He handles his grief differently obviously, but even though he lashing out, I still think you can tell how much he's grown through this story.

I want to touch on the feelings Daryl is having towards Annette. And I want to be clear. He still loves his daughter very very much, but that bond and tether he felt shining after she was born is now buried deep inside him. It's still there, trust me, but Daryl needs to do a lot of healing and recognizing before that bond can come back to the surface. I think there's a lot of pressure surrounding parents to have this cathartic/unreal bonding experience with their children immediately after they're born and I know that's not how it happens all the time. It can be something that's cultivated over time and that doesn't mean those parents love their children any less than the ones that immediately connect. And I'm playing with this idea with Daryl's character through the death of Mika.

In the show, Lydia does attempt to take her own life by walker in 9x16. Carol is the one that finds her. In this story, it's Beth. I love their conversation because Beth is trying to show her that life does get good again if you just give it a chance to. I think Lydia is different in this story because of the deep and loving bond she had with Mika. Her bond with Henry in the show was short lived whereas Mika's was not. Daryl pushing is a reflex because he does love Lydia similarly to how he loved Mika and it scares the ever loving shit out of him. Lydia wasn't pushed over the edge by Daryl's rejection. If it hadn't been that, it would've been something else. Her character needed to do through this and come out the other side similar to Beth in season 2.

The scene between Carl and Lydia was a last minute addition to parallel the last scene with Beth and Daryl. I think, regrettably, I undersold the relationship between Carl and Lydia. It's very strong. The two people Lydia spent the most time with after she was brought to Alexandria were Carl and Mika. And I wanted Lydia to be the one to bring Carl back from the brink because she is arguably just as close to Mika. Plus their similar ages and well. The trauma bond between these three characters is immense.

The scene between Beth and Daryl at the end is mirroring/full circling the moonshine shack scene in the show. Beth is breaking through to Daryl, but he was also broken down by what he saw happened between Lydia and Carl. And the truth finally spills out. It's a cathartic scene for them and for me as a writer to be able to resurrect the moonshine shack scene and incorporate it into this story again.

Anyways, all the love and I can't wait to hear what you guys think <3<3

Chapter 76: Flinchin'

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I hope you all are doing well. I have another chapter for you. This one is definitely bittersweet and I really enjoyed writing it.

All the love and happy reading!

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       “You’re flinchin’.”

       Mika slumped, dropping the crossbow from her shoulder, “I’m not trying to.”

       Daryl would’ve laughed at the way she nearly stomped her foot in frustration if it wasn’t for the genuine disappointment and wobble in her voice. He made an effort to soften his tone and features when he replied, “I know.”

       The woods were alive this morning. Wildlife skittered around their feet. Daryl hadn’t seen it this active around Alexandria for a while. The sun was heading to its peak, not a cloud in the sky. The crossbow Daryl had gotten Mika was thudding rhythmically against her thigh like a comforting repetitive behavior.

       Daryl walked past her, crouching down to collect the two broken bolts that had ricochetted off the tree she was using as a target. Mika sighed behind him, “Maybe, I’m not cut out for usin’ a crossbow…Might be better with a normal bow.”

       He shook his head, “Nah, just overthinkin’ it.”

       She stood there, looking stunned and slightly confused, “You keep sayin’ that, but what if I’m just bad at it? Never gonna be as good as you…” Mika trailed off.

         “It’s your third time out here,” Daryl deadpanned. He threw the broken bolts near their packs, “Told ya you’d be as good as me. Or did ya forget? Ain’t gonna make me a liar.”

       Mika scoffed, “I was eight. I’m older now and know I can’t do everything.”

       Daryl folded his arms over his chest, “Remind me what your dad said ‘gain?”

       The girl had the audacity to huff and throw her head back like he just told her she was grounded, “Everything takes practice even if you’re already good at it.” Daryl had a hard time keeping the smug grin off his face, but he did. Only to make sure he could glare at her for the attitude.

       He nodded towards the tree, “Come on. Go again.”

       Instead of giving him some teenage girl angsty bullshit, like rolling her eyes or scoffing, she nodded, defeatedly, but still did it without objection. It’s the moment he understood how badly this was getting to her. It made something in his chest ache, seeing her struggle, but that was the thing. She really wasn’t struggling at all.

       It was only her third time practicing and she had already gotten the hold, grips, aim, and draw of her bow down. She was just overthinking it. When Beth was first learning how to shoot his crossbow, she also kept flinching. But Beth had been over bracing for recoil. Mika wanted to be perfect.

       So, she was overthinking everything.

       Daryl stood behind her, picking at his lower lip as Mika lined up her shot perfectly. She took in a deep breathe, let it out, then pulled the trigger. The bolt whooshed from the crossbow and sailed off to the right, sticking into the ground a ways off.

       He knew before Mika pulled the trigger; she was going to miss. The way her eyes darted around, checking all the mechanics on her bow, checking to make sure the target hadn’t miraculously moved when she looked away, Daryl knew she was going to miss. Her needing to be perfect was fucking it up for her, but he didn’t want to say that. It sounded harsh even in his head.

       “Overthinking?” Mika questioned in a meeker voice than he was used to hearing.

       He grunted in response, but Daryl had an idea. He walked past her again, but instead of going to collect her bolt, he stood right next to the tree. Practically leaned on it actually. Mika looked at him curiously, until her expression dropped in horror when he said, “Hit the target. An’ try not ta shoot me.”

       “What?” she squeaked, “Are you crazy! I could hurt you! Or…or kill you! I haven’t hit the target once, Daryl!”

       He just stared at her, unflinching, before he repeated, “Hit the target, Mika.” Her crossbow was dangling in her hand and her face was a picture of horror. For a second, he was afraid she’d start crying at the sheer amount of pressure he was putting on her. However, he knew she wouldn’t hit him. She just needed permission to not be perfect. Mika would do everything she could to hit the tree now, but it didn’t matter if she hit it dead center anymore as long as she didn’t hit him.

       “No! I can’t. This is crazy!” Mika reiterated, exasperatedly.

       He let her get out her frustration and fear. Her chest was heaving and she was physically shaking by the time she was done yelling, but she hadn’t stormed off yet, which must have meant something. Daryl watched her carefully, letting her calm down before he answered, “I trust ya.”

        As his words hit her, Daryl watched her whole demeanor shift in a matter of minutes. Her face went slack, eyes going wide. The shaking in her hands dissipated slowly until she was as still as he taught her to be when they went hunting.

       Mika regripped her crossbow and nodded, still somewhat dazed by what he said, but he wasn’t concerned. He knew she’d hit it. Daryl trusted her.

       The click of her loading another bolt rang through the air between them. She brought her crossbow up to her shoulder and lined up the shot. Daryl stared down the weapon until he found her eyes. Instead of darting around like they usually did, they were completely focused and still. He nearly grinned. Mika took a deep breathe in and didn’t second guess herself.

       She pulled the trigger.

       The bolt flew through the air towards him faster than he could really see, then a deep thud reverberated through his chest. He turned his head to the right to see her bolt sticking out of the tree. It was as far as it could possibly be from him, as left as she could aim, but it was in the tree.

       A smirk pulled at the edges of his lips when he turned to look back at her, “Told ya. Just overthinkin’ it.”

       Mika’s eyes were wide as a blindingly bright smile broke out on her face, “Did you see that? I did it!” She set down her crossbow, practically jumping up and down.

       “Was sorta standin’ in front’a it,” Daryl answered, sarcastically, but he couldn’t wipe the grin from his face even if he tried.

       Mika ran towards him and threw her arms around him. Daryl stumbled back a step, not expecting her to hug him. Her arms were wrapped tightly around his waist and she was laughing. Her giggle could thaw the heart of the coldest fucker. He was sure of it.

       One of his arms wrapped around her shoulders, hoping his half-assed attempt at showing affection was enough to let her know how proud he was of her.

       "Thanks for not shootin’ me, kid,” Daryl said, softly. The words he wanted to say got caught in his throat, but he forced them out anyway, even if they were barely audible, “Proud’a ya.”

       Mika pulled away, but only to arm’s length, clearly having heard him. There was awe written all over her face, “Thanks for trusting me.”

           

~

 

       Daryl resurfaced into consciousness, twisting underneath the thin sheet still on top of him. A grin tugged at his face in his hazy state, thinking about how he got Mika to hit her first target. Now, she was just as good as him. Wouldn’t be surprised if she got better.

       Then, it all came crashing down again. She wouldn’t have the chance. He remembered the blood. Her ragged breathing. The sobbing. Daryl groaned in anguish, sitting up in bed, “Fuck.”

       He preferred the nightmares. They were less painful. The split second he spent believing Mika was still alive was bliss. Then, he was dragged back to hell. Forced to burn. Forced to be dragged over hot coals. Skinned alive. The bliss was followed by immeasurable pain. And then, there was always a second where he thought dying would be better.

       On instinct, he reached across the bed for Beth. For her warmth. However, he came up empty. His head turned towards the empty space and that’s when the sunlight hit him square in the face. And he realized he slept in. His rapidly increasing heartrate slowed, logic taking over. Her and Annette were already up.

       Daryl stood, feeling heavier now than he did when he went to sleep the night before. Mika’s smile still danced behind his eyelids. And her laugh played in his ears, echoing through his mind. When Carl had said, all he could hear was Mika, Daryl understood. Now, more than ever. She haunted him. Day and night. The ghost of her always around.

       He made himself move. Made himself go through the motions of living. Putting on clothes. Sheathing his knives. Shouldering his crossbow. Walking. Breathing. When he passed by Annette’s crib, his eyes ran over it, checking for what, he wasn’t sure. He knew she was with Beth, but his eyes did catch on something unfamiliar.

       He took a step closer and the air whooshed out of his lungs. There, resting against the edge of the crib, was a stuffed rabbit. It had seen better days. It was a muddled grey even though it was supposed to be white. One of the eyes was coming loose and one of the ears was tearing. He felt lightheaded. The phantom of his daughter circled the room because it was once hers. It was Mika’s.

       Another lifetime played out in his head. Memories. She’d given it to him during the Savior war to help him with his nightmares after Beth was taken. Guess it didn’t work for shit now because all he had were nightmares. And his dreams, well, they hurt a whole hell of a lot more.

       Beth must have found it pushed in the back of one of his drawers. Hidden away and forgotten, but he held on to the memory of the little girl who was willing to give up the stuffed animal she thought was taking away her nightmares. Willing to give it to him because he had them too and Mika couldn’t stand someone else being in pain.

       Daryl couldn’t get out of the room fast enough. The rabbit’s eyes followed him. They mocked him. Reminded him of who he lost. He stalked up the stairs and beelined it for the door, ignoring the voices he heard coming from the kitchen. He threw open the front door and squinted, the blazing sun beating down on him.

       His breathing started to pick up, the humid air chocking his lungs. The woods never failed to calm him, but the idea of them did nothing for him now. All he knew was he needed out. Daryl couldn’t crawl his way out of his own skin, but he could leave the walls of Alexandria before they fucking killed him. He knew he couldn’t outrun this, but he could try.

       He couldn’t focus but he registered noise all around him. His feet carried him towards the gates, picking up speed until he heard, “Daryl?”

       Beth called out to him. He hadn’t even realized he’d passed by her. It took more effort than it should to stop and turn towards her. The gates were right there. The woods not much further. He needed to get out. Get away.

       His wife was training with Rosita and Annette was resting in her carrier close by. Rosita fell back to check on Nette as Beth closed the distance between them. She unwrapped her knuckles, sweat dripping down her temples and making her baby hairs stick to her face. Her hair was a couple shades darker since she’d gotten pregnant. He had to recalibrate his brain when he looked for her in a crowd now.

       At any other time, Daryl would find it impossible to keep his hands off her, but he couldn’t think about anything other than that rabbit. It’s cold, dead eyes reminding him of how Mika’s looked when she finally left this world.

       She smiled up at him, warmly, but there was an edge of caution in her eyes, “You leavin’?”

       He bit into the inside of his lip, “Yeah.”

       “Want me ta come with ya?” Beth asked, hopefully. It killed him.

       Daryl couldn’t stop his answer, “Nah. Won’t be long…Ain’t gonna interrupt.” He really wouldn’t. It was only a matter of time before being separated from Beth and Nette would send him into a spiraling panic and he would have to come back anyways. His vision pulsed making it look like the walls were closing in on him faster and faster.

       He saw the flash of hurt in her eyes, but Beth covered it up quickly, “Ettie missed ya this mornin’. She was cryin’ for her daddy, but I wanted ya to sleep.”

       Guilt stabbed him in the ribs. Daryl knew what she was doing and he appreciated it but it hurt. Beth was reminding him their daughter still loved and needed him, but all it did was make him feel like more of a failure. He hadn’t even thought to go see her before he left.

       Beth suddenly placed her hand on his elbow and it stopped him in his tracks. He realized he’d been pacing. Her eyebrows were furrowed in concern as she whispered, “What is it?”

       “Where’d ya get it?” Daryl found himself asking Beth even though he didn’t want to know, but he couldn’t help himself.

       His wife looked at him in confusion, going completely still at his abrupt question, “Get what?”

       Rosita was looking between them, not trying to hid she was watching them. Daryl knew he should’ve kept his mouth shut, but it spilled out, “The rabbit in Nette’s crib.”

       Recognition dawned on Beth’s face before it fell again at his defeated tone, “Found it in the back of your drawer when I was puttin’ clothes away…Thought it was just left over from whoever had the dresser before us.”

       He couldn’t decide whether her soft, lilting voice was to soothe him, or because she was afraid he’d snap again. He needed to leave, but as he turned to walk towards the front gate, he mumbled the truth, “Was Mika’s.”

       Beth’s eyebrows scrunched in concern, but he was already walking. Her footsteps followed him. She blocked his path only a few feet from hell disguised as freedom, placing her hands on his chest to stop him, “I’m sorry…shoulda asked—”

       “Nah, do whatever ya want. Don’t matter now,” he interrupted.

       “Course it does.”

       Daryl heard her desperation, felt it in his soul, but all the white noise was pushing it down and away. He stepped around her, but somehow his body heard his own pleas. His hand reached out of its own accord and grazed her forearm as he passed. His mind may have been fighting him, but his heart reached out to Beth. It reassured her that the Daryl she knew was still deep down inside, buried underneath all his grief.

       And right now, he needed to leave because he couldn’t face the person buried deep inside banging against the cages he had erected.

 

~

 

       The beautiful, soft chirping of a goldfinch fluttered around Beth. She just barely caught it out of the corner of her eye, bobbing up and down through the trees. Weaving in and out of the beams of sunlight. Beth let her head drop back slightly as the bird circled her up ahead. She watched as it flew and then landed on a low-lying branch in front of her.

       The bright yellow of its feathers fluffed up as it settled on the branch more comfortably. It was staring right at her and she watched, a grin overtaking her face. Warmth wafted through her, suddenly overtaking her. She quietly whistled. And the goldfinch chirped back at her. And in that moment, Beth was overcome with a familiar bright sensation. The exact same one she’d get when she was around Mika.

       Her beautiful sunshine girl. Tears sprung into her eyes, but her smile never wavered because for some reason Beth knew wherever Mika was, she was happy. And maybe, she wanted to hold onto the hope Mika brought into her life to honor her. Or maybe, Mika sent a little friend to make sure Beth knew she was safe. Happy.

       There were moments where Beth wished she’d been there when Mika died so she could’ve said one final goodbye, but another part of her was grateful. She wanted to remember the sassy, fun-loving girl with boundless energy and love. And she was grateful she got to keep that image of her. That it wasn’t replaced like Daryl’s and Carl’s and Carol’s and Rick’s. It allowed her to be more present for Daryl and the others. Allowed her to give them more room to grieve despite her own still swirling around inside her.

       It allowed her to still have hope despite her bright ball of light being gone. Mika taught her so much. She taught her how to guard her own hope and light again. And even though she was gone, Beth would keep her candle of hope lit for her because that’s what she would’ve wanted.

       The goldfinch chirped again. And Beth whispered back, “I love you.” It’s what she wanted to make sure Mika knew. The bird’s head ticked to the side as if it was saying, I know. Then, the goldfinch took flight, circling over her head a couple more times before flying in the direction she’d been going. Beth didn’t let herself dwell on the sadness sinking like a stone inside her. Instead, she held that sunshine in her chest and kept walking.

       She had been tracking Daryl for about thirty minutes give or take. Rosita refused to let her do anything but go after him once he disappeared through the gates of Alexandria.

       She wanted to give Daryl his space, knowing he needed to be outside the walls. He needed to figure out how to go on, but it had been almost three months. She didn’t want to rush him. Beth never expected him to get over it, but it had been three months of her leaving him be. It was time she started going after him. He was suffering.

       The amount of pain he held in his body…it killed her to see him like that. He bolted up from nightmares. Left to go to the woods only to return more distraught than when he first went out. He struggled to be with Annette. Daryl was always present for her, but she could see the ghosts in his eyes when he held her.

       She had been letting him confine her to Alexandria, sometimes even their townhome, just to give him some sense of relief from his constant state panic and pain. But a part of her knew she was enabling him. Rosita’s bluntness was the kick in the ass she needed to realize they couldn’t go on like this anymore.

 

       “I don’t make it a habit of sticking my nose in other people’s relationships except when they’re my own, but please tell me you’re not just gonna take that.”

       Beth sighed, crouching down to check on Annette, “He needs ta be out there sometimes…”

       Rosita narrowed her eyes slightly, “We all need to be out there sometimes, doesn’t mean we don’t need someone to drag our asses back when it’s necessary. He’s floundering. I know you know that. So, go get him.”

       She looked up at one of her best friends, stunned, “It’s…Rosita, it’s complicated—”

       “It’s not. He lost his daughter, but he didn’t lose you. He didn’t lose Annette. Show him,” Rosita urged, but her voice softened and her eyes glazed over for a second, “I’ve seen what he’s like when you’re not around…” Her breath hitched in her chest. When she was gone at Sanctuary. “Givin’ him space is past its expiration date.”

       Beth watched her baby girl wave her fists in the air, squirming for the fun of it. Her bright blue eyes shone back at her. And that’s when she knew Rosita was right. Daryl ran head first into hell to find her and bring her back to him. It was her turn to do the same for him.

        "You’re right,” she stood, “Can ya—”

       “You don’t even have to ask. Me and Annette can go visit Siddiq,” Rosita leaned down and rocked her carrier gently, her voice raising an octave as she looked at Annette, “Won’t we? Wanna go see Siddiq with your Tía Rosita?”

       Beth smiled as her daughter tried to grab one of Rosita’s fingers, but was still having a hard time opening her fist enough, “So…you an’ Siddiq?”

       Rosita rolled her eyes, but a small smile spread across her face.

 

       Beth carefully analyzed the disturbed brush, following the faintest tracks. Daryl was soft footed in the woods. He didn’t leave much of a trail like other people did, but in a way, it made it a bit easier to find him. Not ‘easy’ in the normal sense of the word, but whenever she ran across other more disguisable tracks, she knew it couldn’t be Daryl.

       She was quiet, each of her steps were soft on the Earth beneath her. Just like Daryl taught her. She had an arrow notched just in case she was following tracks that weren’t his, but she was pretty sure. Beth could almost feel him. His simmering heat. The pulsing atmosphere that soothed her into security and comfort.

       Daryl’s trail ended and Beth looked up searching. She couldn’t see him, but she could feel him. The purposeful snap of a branch had her whirling around to see him standing behind her in all his glory. His crossbow was in his hands. Not raised because he knew it was her before he saw her. Just like she knew it was him.

       Many different emotions flashed in his narrowed, cold eyes. His voice was rough when he finally spoke, “The fuck ya doin’?”

       Beth shrugged casually, “Trackin’.” She was phased by his tone, but she couldn’t let him push her away anymore. Beth was going to fight. It took her too long to realize that’s what Daryl needed her to do. Not give in. Not give him space, at least not anymore. He needed her to fight back.

       A dangerous look crossed his face before he turned away from her like he was trying to find the answer for some existential question somewhere in the trees. When his head snapped back to her, he growled, “We’re goin’ back. Now.”

       He stalked towards her, but for every step he took she took the same backwards, “No.”

         “No?” Daryl mocked.

         “No,” Beth repeated, strongly, “I ain’t goin’ back. Not ‘til you’re ready.”

       Daryl started to pace, his voice raising, “Ain’t want ya out here, Beth.”

       She pushed, “Why? You look me in the eye an’ tell me why?” He needed to say it out loud.

       Daryl scoffed, eyes darting around her face, but he was refusing to look at her full on, “Ain’t gonna lose ya.”

        “That’s bullshit.”

       Daryl tensed up, going completely still, until he rounded on her, “What, girl? Ya think I’m lyin’?” His anger was quiet, not loud and abrasive like it used to be. It was contained, but she could see the pain boiling over in the way his body tensed and his hands fidgeted. He needed to push back. He needed this. There was nothing he could say to push her away. To push her back to Alexandria.

       Beth cut right to it, “Pushin’ us away…lockin’ us up ain’t gonna keep us safe. What happened to Mika—”

        “Don’t,” Daryl hissed. He pivoted, pushing away any talk about Mika, “Both can’t be out here. Not now. Not with Annette. If…if somethin’—” Daryl stopped abruptly, devastation swimming in his eyes. Beth stepped towards her husband, seeing him resurface, but he pulled away, “Go home, Beth.”

        She was so close. Beth could see her husband. Her Daryl. She could see him fighting his way to her, but something else was holding him back. Something only he knew.

        “All this anger you’re feelin’…all the grief. The pain. It’s all the things ya didn’t get to say. All the love ya didn’t get ta share with her. It’s gotta go somewhere. Come out somehow. So…let it out, Daryl. You’re the one who told me to let it fuckin’ hurt.”

         Her words hit him hard. She could see them pierce through his armor one by one. His eyes closed and shook his head slightly like he was trying to get rid of something in his mind, “Carl…he was right. Still hear her. See her. Can’t get away from it. Everythin’ is’a fuckin’ reminder.”

       Beth sucked in a breathe, partly horrified at everything Daryl had been going through, but also partly relieved he was finally admitting it, “Annette? Me?” He nodded, dipping his chin, refusing to meet her eye, “That’s why ya come out here every day? To get away from everythin’ that reminds ya of her…” She trailed off. Everything was starting to make a lot more sense, “An’ today? What was it?”

       Daryl shook his head, biting the inside of his cheek to the point of pain, “Dreamt ‘bout her. Woke up an’ had ta remember she was dead all over ‘gain.”

       Her insides twisted, tears burning her eyes, “The rabbit must’ve made it worse. I’m sorry.”

       Her husband caved in on himself, his shoulders slumping, “Don’t gotta apologize, Beth. Ain’t your fault.”

       “An’ it’s not your fault.”

       Beth thought a gunshot at close range might have hurt less to hear, but he needed to hear it and she would say it as many times as necessary until he started believing it. Daryl flinched away from her words, “Stop.”

      “It’s not. None of it is. Alpha pulled the trigger. An’ she’s dead, Daryl. The woman who killed Mika is dead.”

       “Stop,” Daryl pleaded.

       But she pushed on, “Don’t lock Mika up. You an’ I both know she’d be pissed at bein’ caged. Ya gotta set her free.”

       Despite all the turmoil and agony, Daryl spoke through it, “Girl was too damn bright ta be locked away anyways.” Beth nodded, encouragingly, with a small smile, but it was like Daryl had seen a ghost. His face went slack for a second as he stared at her then, he closed his eyes, breathing heavily. He clammed up again. His jaw tensed and his fists closed, but he finally gritted out, “Need time.”

       “Daryl—”

       “Stay here, Beth,” he called over his shoulder. He walked off, but she knew he wouldn’t go far. He couldn’t, even if he tried. Daryl just needed a moment and she’d wait a thousand moments for him. Whatever he needed. He’d come back for her.

       Beth rested against a tree listening to his fading footsteps. She set her bow down, rolling her shoulders not realizing how tense they’d gotten. She replayed the look on Daryl’s face over and over again. And she wondered if something she had done reminded him of Mika. Maybe it was the way she smiled or nodded or tilted her head. Or maybe it was something smaller, like the way her hair caught the light. She couldn’t be sure, but all she knew was Daryl was in pain and he needed her.

       She wouldn’t back down again and leave him to flounder in his grief. Rosita was right. The time to give him space was over. She needed to be there for him no matter how many times he lashed out or left or pushed back. He needed her and she’d be damned if she let him down.

       Beth pulled out her waterskin, hoping the lukewarm water would help cool her nerves somewhat. It was one thing to know she needed to help him, but it was a whole other thing to know if she was doing the right thing. As the heat of the moment died down, she truly wondered if pushing Daryl was for the best.

       Then, her baby girl popped into her head, and an ache so deep nearly made her stumble. Being apart from her was painful to say the least. It was like the tether tied between her and Annette went painfully taunt until she was within her sights again. And that’s when Beth realized she was doing the right thing by her daughter. Annette needed her daddy. The girl was only about three months old, but Beth could already tell she was her father’s daughter. And she missed him.

       She cried for him when he left before she woke. Annette had gotten used to sleeping in Daryl’s arms. Their daughter needed him back so, she wasn’t going to second guess herself now.

       “Must not’a learned nothin’ if he’s leavin’ ya out here all by yourself.”

       Beth spun on her heels, drawing her knife. A man slid out from behind a tree, less than twelve feet from her. Her vision pulsed at the sudden onslaught of adrenaline that flooded her body. Beth stayed perfectly still, assessing. Judging by his appearance, he had clearly seen better days. Much better. His teeth were rotted. Clothes tattered and practically black from dirt. His hair was falling out and his fingernails were black. Beth had seen better looking walkers.

       The way he was leering at her told her exactly what his intentions were. She scanned the area behind him, not seeing anyone else with him, but she wouldn’t assume. He clearly knew Daryl was around somewhere. It would be dumb to approach her, knowing he wasn’t far off, unless he really was just that desperate.

       Beth took a step to the side, so there was a tree covering her back. His black eyes followed, head tilting like an animal excited it caught some prey. Except she wasn’t prey. She was a hunter. A predator. A wolf in sheep’s clothing.

       She kept her voice soft and unassuming, “I have some water in my pack…” Beth held the skin in front of her, not planning on giving it up anyway.

       The man hummed, making her skin crawl, “Not that kinda thirsty.”

       Her skin crawled in disgust, but she forced her face into neutrality. Into softness. That’s when she clocked the knife he tried to slickly pull out from behind his back. He wasn’t too tall or all that strong looking, but Beth knew the advantages of adrenaline and someone too far gone. A crazed look overtook his face.

       Instead of playing the sheep role, Beth dropped her mask, regripping the handle of her blade. The man halted for a second, sensing the change in demeanor. His eyes darted around her face until a vile smile twisted his features, “He didn’t needa be afraid’a leavin’ ya out here, did he?”

       She was ready to attack, even though she was still recovering and gaining her strength back. Beth wouldn’t lose. Her eyes tracked his every movement, waiting for him to pounce.

       Suddenly, the hair on the back of her neck stood up. The atmosphere shifted and the sun dipped behind a singular cloud almost like in preparation for the carnage that was about to occur.

       Beth grinned, knowing exactly what she felt, “He never left.” Almost as if on command a bolt imbedded itself into the back of the man’s head, poking through his forehead. Blood oozed out of the hole, dripping down the bridge of his nose.

       The body fell. Dead eyes looking out of a dead face. And behind him was Daryl. Rage filling his eyes. Wrath incarnated. But all she saw was her husband. Daryl put his crossbow down. It thudded to the ground beside him. And he was on her in an instant. His smell invaded her senses, letting her finally drop her knife, knowing she safe. Her hands were on his chest, grasping for him desperately.

       “Beth…fuck,” Daryl cursed. His hands came up to her face, hovering for a second, before making contact. Engulfing her wholly. She let the weight of her head sink into them, eyes closing in bliss at the feel of him against her again. He turned her face up to look at him, when her eyes popped open again, she nearly whimpered, “Don’t fuckin’ do that again.”

       “I didn’t—”

       “Coulda killed him, but ya didn’t.”

       Beth let her body melt into his, conforming to him, “You were right there. Knew you’d handle it.”

       “Girl,” he growled, “Coulda—”

       “You make me feel safe, Daryl. Protected. Even when you’re angry an’ stormin’ off…I knew you were there. I felt ya. You got here in time…”

       Instead of answering with words, Daryl’s lips crashed into hers. The heat was scorching. He set her ablaze as his tongue opened her up. She wrapped her arms around him, practically pulling herself up his body to get closer to him.

       Daryl roughly pulled her into his body, making sure none of her went untouched. She let herself melt, moaning freely into his mouth. When he pulled away, a groan slipped from the back of his throat. Daryl rested his forehead on hers, not wanting to pull away any further.

       He was breathing heavily as he asked, “How’re ya alright?”

       At first, she thought he meant after almost being attacked, but then, Beth pulled away slightly to see his face clearly. It was completely open so she could see all the grief. This was about Mika. Beth ran her thumb over his cheekbone, “I’m not, but…I know it’s silly, but I think I got all her hope. I know everythin’s gonna be alright. Doesn’t make it hurt any less, but I know we’re gonna make it ‘cause that’s what she woulda wanted.”

       Daryl leaned forward, capturing her lips again. This time when he pulled away, his eyes were red rimmed, “Fuckin’ hurts, Beth…”

       She whimpered at the admission, feeling it like a hand clenching her heart, “I know. But it’s not the end.” Beth breathed him in and took a risk, still pushing him, “Tell me ‘bout her. Talk ta me.”

       Daryl pulled away, but not far. And he nodded.

Notes:

So, the first scene has such a special place in my heart. That moment between Daryl and Mika is the same moment Mika described to Beth in chapter 62. It's the moment, she realized Daryl was her dad or all intents and purposes. I was finally able to write it out and I absolutely adore that scene because it not only meant A LOT to Mika, but also to Daryl. And I think it also shows how amazing of a father Daryl truly is as well. It's bittersweet to write after Mika's death, but I still think it was very powerful especially in this chapter.

Ah yes the stuffed rabbit. So...I brought back the rabbit Mika gave Daryl in chapter 42. It was one she was using as a dreamcatcher and then gave to Daryl while Beth was still at Sanctuary. Sometimes I hurt my own feelings :(

We will be getting other people's POVs next chapter and expanding on the grief Mika's death caused for characters like Carol, Rick, and Carl. I explored Carl's a bit last chapter, but right now I'm focusing on Daryl's grief.

It's been about three-ish months since Mika died and Annette was born. I want to make it clear that Beth DOES NOT want Daryl to get over Mika's death. That's not her aim. She wants to help him actually grieve because right now he's holding it all at bay so he doesn't have to acknowledge it, even though it basically pouring out of him. Last chapter was Daryl coming out of a dissociative state and landing in his grief. This chapter is him trying to avoid it, but ultimately Beth helps him confront it by pushing back.

I absolutely adore the scene with the Goldfinch. You guys can interpret it how you like since there are so many ways to take it, but I love that I was finally able to right a more evolved Beth going through devastating grief. The first time was with Sanctuary and a lot of the things she did to cope were unhealthy. It's been years and we finally get to see what Beth is like now with a similar amount of grief. She handles it a lot healthier, which was so amazing to write that full circle for her with all the lovely Goldfinch imagery and parallels.

The brief scene of the guy coming up on Beth is in there for a reason even if it was quick. Beth is made the conscious choice not to kill him, instead letting Daryl do it. She does this because she wants him to understand that he CAN and DOES protect her successfully all the time. Daryl knows Beth can handle herself, but he feels like a failure because he couldn't save Mika and that fear is bleeding into his relationship with Beth and Annette. Beth makes a calculated and honestly risky move by waiting for Daryl. She could have thrown her knife and killed him, but she wanted Daryl to know how much she trusted him.

The end scene is Daryl finally reckoning with his grief and acknowledging it. Which is a great start. His grief isn't as explosive as Beth's was in this story because they're too different characters and I wanted to show how two different types of people help each other navigate through grief.

Anyways, all the love and I hope you guys are doing well <3

Chapter 77: Two Moons and a Sun

Notes:

Hello lovelies! I have another chapter for you! I promise we will have some action next chapter, but I needed to round out a lot of the other characters that are still grieving very heavily.

Anyways, I hope you guys find this chapter as interesting as I do :)

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       It was dark. And so was she.

       She melded into the darkness, unkempt and wild. Just like him. There was no light. No sunshine. No hope. But there didn’t need to be out here. Out here things were simple. Live or die. It was easier. And she understood that. Lived in it with him without question or concern.

       She taught him to walk with them instead of killing them. Walkers blurred around him, becoming part of his surroundings instead of a blaring red warning in his head. There were no expectations of civility out here. No rules. No memories. He could just be one with the dead. It’s where he fit in. Where he thrived.

       His only lifeline back to hell was equally a blessing and a curse. She was his reminder. He couldn’t be dead. Even if he already felt his bones decaying underneath his skin. The love he still held was eating him alive, skin and bones, from the inside out. His light was gone. Completely extinguished. Snuffed out right in front of him. He had the sun. He had everything.

       Now, he was left with a rotting corpse he was forced to inhabit. And a girl not made of sunshine, but made of moonlight. Opposite in every way, but still a reminder of what he was missing. What they both lost in the same woods they walked and whispered.

       They walked with the dead. Free and caged. The dead guided them until they were just as lost as they felt. When the sun started to rise, they returned, following their path back. The place he once called home was just the place he slept. The place where he had everything and now it was gone. The sun haunted him. Her voice, her touch, her taste, her smell. It all lived inside him. Burned him alive. Each memory branding him. Made his wrath boil his blood.

       Then, there was the moon. Everything about her was dark. Just like him. The scars. The loss of body and self. One eye and one arm. The grief. The pain. It was the same. She didn’t try to pull him back into the light. She walked with him in the dark. Side by side. Anguish forging their path. Each with the same missing piece.

       In the cold light of day, his anger resurfaced. His freedom stripped from him. And there she was, the moon, always there like a shadow. She held up a mirror to his own grief. She didn’t belong in the sun. She wasn’t her.

       Because what were two moons without a sun?

 

~

 

       “Can’t keep goin’ on like this, Michonne.”

       Rick’s eyes tracked over his wife who was sitting at the island in their kitchen. It was still early, sunlight barely breaking over the horizon. The house was miraculously quiet. He leaned forward on the counter, taking some of his weight off his feet.

       “He’s trying to cope any way he can,” Michonne replied, but he could hear the concern underneath her understanding. She was patient, taking Carl’s outbursts with grace. Rick, on the other hand, was not taking it well. Watching his son dig himself further into isolation was its own sort of hell on top of mourning Mika. That girl was part of his heart like she was his own.

       Rick let out a sharp breath through his nose, “He’s draggin’ her down with him. They’re both drowin’. And you an’ I both know what happened the last time Carl latched onto someone…”

       Michonne rounded the counter, her hands finding his waist and turning him towards her. Rick clasped onto her hands like a lifeline, bringing them up to rest against his chest. She tilted her head up to look at him, “Lydia’s strong. Right now, I’m just happy they have each other. She’s the only one he’ll talk to. And if Carl keeps Lydia here, with us…we’ll deal with the other consequences later.”

       Her response was heavy and it was a grave reminder of what Beth told them a week ago. Rick would be forever grateful Beth walked in on Lydia before she could do anything more than just contemplate ending her life. He was sure Lydia’s death on top of Mika’s would’ve broken the community. Done irreparable damage to Carl and Daryl and Beth. Rick made a promise to try and bring Lydia into the fold. She lived with them now, but it didn’t make him any less worried about the unhealthy relationship forming between his son and her.

        “I know,” Rick sighed, tightening his arms around her, “Seein’ ‘em both like that… They barely leave his room an’ if they do, it’s in the middle of the night. He’s my son. I trust him, but he’s—” Rick cut himself off.

       “He’s you,” Michonne finished for him.

       Carl had gotten the best parts of him and Lori, but unfortunately, he also got his rage. The kind that went hand and hand with grief. It was an ugly, twisted thing. Seeing his son lose Mika was like holding a mirror up to a past life when he lost Lori. He didn’t just lose Lori. He lost himself. And Rick could see Carl going through the same thing now.

       Rick knew from the beginning, Mika and Carl were nothing like him and Lori. In fact, if he was being honest with himself, they reminded him a hell of a lot of Beth and Daryl. Ever since the Wolves attacked them in the school all those years ago, Carl was glued to Mika’s side. When Carl lost his eye, he became closed off and spiraled further into his anger. And Mika was the only one who could pull him back from the brink. She was his reason and his hope.

       Now, she was gone. Rick’s chest clenched painfully knowing he’d never see her sit at the dinner table with them again. Never see her walking hand in hand with Carl or playing with Judith and RJ. Never see her train with Daryl or help Siddiq out in the infirmary. He’d never get to hug her again, but what really crushed him was knowing how many people Rick loved who would never fully recover from this loss. Daryl, Carl, Lydia, but most of all Carol.

       “He’s gonna get himself killed…” Rick whispered because he couldn’t say it any louder in case, somehow, the universe heard it and took it to heart. And he couldn’t stand to lose another kid.

       Michonne brushed a hand over his cheek, trying her best to soothe his fears. He brought his lips down to her softly, wanting nothing more than to disappear into her, but he was pulled out of his fog by a familiar voice, “Mornin’.”

       Michonne took a step out of his arms, but still stuck by his side as Beth walked into the kitchen cradling Annette with a small blanket thrown over her shoulder. She slid onto one of the high chairs, careful not to jostle her baby.

       “Didn’t hear her at all last night. She sleep through?” Michonne asked, warmly.

       Beth nodded with a smile, “She usually sleeps through when Daryl’s holdin’ her. Keep tryin’ ta tell him he needs to sleep when she does, but I’m not gonna tell him to let her go.”

       Rick’s heart warmed hearing Daryl reconnecting with his daughter after he lost one, “How’s he doin’?”

       “It’s gonna take time,” Beth answered quietly, but her eyes were bright with hope, “But he’s not pushin’ us away anymore so…think that’s somethin’.” She glanced between the two of them, putting something together because she added, “Sorry, did I interrupt?”

       Rick shook his head, “No. Just talkin’ ‘bout…Carl.”

       Recognition dawned in Beth’s eyes and a heavy sadness sunk her shoulders, “He has Lydia now…that’s good, right?”

       He sighed, leaning forward onto the counter, “Two people drownin’ usually pull each other under quicker.”

       “Know that all too well,” Beth said, quietly, like a confession.

       Michonne rested her hand on top of his, squeezing in comfort before adding, “Like you said, he needs time. If things don’t start looking up, we’ll send in reinforcements. He’s got a whole family here wantin’ to make sure he makes it through. Lydia too.”

       His fucking voice of reason. Michonne always found the logical compromise between two extremes. She balanced him out and he’d never not appreciate her for the incredible woman she was. Rick was so lucky to be able to call her his wife and mother of his child.

       A comfortable silence fell over the three of them. The only sound was Annette’s occasional sigh or whimper. Michonne left his side to get Beth a bowl of oatmeal, but he saw the subtle smirk growing painting her lips as she switched the conversation to a lighter topic, “You braid your hair this morning?”

       An odd expression crossed Beth’s face between her cheeks-stained pink. Her long-honeyed hair was braided in its normal fashion so Rick’s brows furrowed in confusion at the question until Beth finally answered.

       “No…” she hid her smile in her shoulder as she looked down at her daughter.

        Rick looked between the two women before grinning, “Ah, Daryl’s done sum good handiwork for once.”

       “Good’s all I get, Grimes?” Daryl’s voice interrupted as he silently entered the kitchen.

       He grinned at the reappearance of his brother’s playful tone, “S’all you deserve.”

       Beth smile and turned towards her husband when he walked up next to her. He ran a hand down the braid he’d supposedly put in her hair. Daryl hesitated for a second before leaning down to kiss Beth. It was brief, but Rick could see the love behind it. The man went to reach for his daughter but Beth pulled away, “Nuh-uh, you got her all night. It’s my turn.”

       An actual, barely there, grin tugged at the corner of Daryl’s mouth, “Damn, girl. Just tryin’ ta say mornin’ to my daughter.” He leaned down past Beth and slid a thumb over Annette’s forehead, “Hi, sweetheart.”

       The little girl waved her closed fists in a burst of energy, babbling noises leaving her mouth in a huff at hearing her dad’s voice. Rick smiled at the scene in front of him. Annette undoubtedly looked like a perfect mix between Daryl and Beth. She had Beth’s apple cheeks and blond hair, although he wouldn’t be surprised if it darkened as she grew up. She had Daryl’s steely blue eyes. Rick wondered if she’d grow up to have his unapologetic stare too.

       Rick gazed at his growing family and it felt so real and normal in the face of everything that happened. He was gutted Mika would never get to meet Annette, but he was also so proud of his brother. Proud of Beth. Two of the people he loved more than anything. He was proud seeing everything they’d overcome together and individually to get to this point.

       Michonne nudged into him. He looked at her to see a beautiful, radiant grin on her face and he knew she was thinking the same thing. Look how far they’d all come.

       Suddenly, thundering footsteps sounded from upstairs. Everyone’s heads turned up to follow them as they moved from the room above the kitchen, into the hall, then to the stairs. A smile broke out on his face as he heard the muffled murmurings of his two youngest. They thudded down the stairs until they hightailed it to the kitchen, obviously racing each other to see who could get there first.

       RJ smacked the threshold of the kitchen, “Got it!” He huffed out of breath as he turned back to his sister who’d only been a step behind him.

       Judith wasn’t out of breath in the slightest and she smiled, “Alright, you got me, but that’s just ‘cause ya got a head start.”

       “No,” RJ argued, “I was faster.”

       “You wish—”

       “Alright, you two,” He stepped in before it devolved any further, “You can have’a rematch later. Come get your breakfast.”

       RJ bounded around the island towards his mom, latching onto her legs, while Judith came around to his side saying a warm good morning to her Uncle Daryl and Mama Beth. Which was answered with welcoming hellos. The mundane nature of the morning continued to astound him.

       Michonne wrangled their two kids into the dining room to eat their oatmeal. That’s when Annette made the decision to start fusing. Beth cooed down at her throwing the blanket over her torso so she could take off her shirt to feed her daughter. Daryl subconsciously rearranged the blanket so it was more secure before placing a gentle kiss on her temple.

       Rick turned away from the sweet moment, not wanting to pry where he wasn’t wanted. Instead, he busied himself by scooping out another bowl of oatmeal for Daryl. He grabbed the one Michonne left and set them in front of Daryl and Beth.

       They both looked at him gratefully, but Beth’s the one who spoke up first, “Thank you, Rick. Was gonna go see if Lydia wanted to join us ‘fore Annette—”

       “I’ll grab her,” Rick insisted, “You. Eat.” He practically ordered it, but glanced over at Daryl because Beth’s hands were full. And he wouldn’t say it was an accident when he slipped into what Judith liked to call his ‘leader voice’. A smirk grew on Daryl’s face before he picked up Beth’s bowl of oatmeal and lifted a spoonful to her mouth.

       Beth’s face broke out into an elated smile, not unlike the one he saw on Michonne’s earlier. Rick left them in the kitchen, glancing into the dining room to see his wife laughing at the conversation happening between Judith and RJ. He kept going and made it to the stairs.

       Each step he took felt like he was leaving the lightness below and entering something far heavier and darker. Maybe, it was in his head, but the air felt thicker on the second floor making it harder to breath. It was a stark reminder of the haunted shadows still hanging over his family. The dark shadows in Daryl’s eyes. The deep circles under Beth’s. The dark cloud holding his son hostage.

       Rick got to Carl’s door and quietly opened it. Part of him wondered if he’d find his son or Lydia behind it. Sometimes they were still gone when he came to check on them, but as he peered into the dark room, he saw two figures.

       Alarm bells rang in his head seeing Carl and Lydia sleeping on the same bed. They were facing away from each other, not touching, but it concerned him a great deal. Carl was an adult. He made his own choices and lived his own life, but if he was using Lydia because Mika was gone, Rick couldn’t let that happen.

       “Lydia,” Rick whispered.

       She didn’t jolt awake, but she did startle as she sat up quickly. It took her a second to adjust to the light coming in from the open door, “Rick…”

       “Yeah,” he answered like he was trying to soothe a spooked horse, “Wonderin’ if ya wanted ta have breakfast with us?” Rick glanced towards Carl who was still deeply asleep, which only confirmed his suspicion. They must’ve been out late again last night doing God knows what.

       Lydia pushed her tangled hair out of her face, “Yeah. I’ll eat with you—” The girl paused looking over to Carl and Rick could practically feel her anxious tension fill the room. Lydia turned back to him, “Can’t leave him…”

       She said it almost like she was confessing a sin. Shame framed her posture. His brows furrowed in confusion at her reaction, “It’s alright. He’ll be alright by himself for a bit.” Rick tried to ease her anxiety, but Lydia’s eyes darted back to Carl. It made him think there was something else going on he wasn’t privy to, so he stopped trying to push.

       Instead, Rick sought to solve the problem. It was clear Lydia didn’t want to wake Carl and she didn’t want to leave him without letting him know where she would be. He wondered if Michonne had been wrong, although a rare occurrence, it was known to happen on occasion. This bond he was seeing between them may have been helping his son, but it sure as hell wasn’t helping Lydia.

       Rick looked around the room and found what he was looking for pretty quickly. He grabbed a bit of notebook paper and a pencil and scribbled a quick note. Rick placed it next to Carl’s sleeping form.

       His hand reached out to Lydia, “Come on.”

       He was a bit surprised when she took it, but even more so when she didn’t let go even as they left the room. He wondered if it was more subconscious than anything or if she was looking for someone to pull her back into the light. Whatever it was, Rick needed to do a better job of stepping up to protect her. Especially while his brother was still working out some things.

       Daryl deserved a break. When Rick was lost, Daryl stepped in to take over. So, he needed to do the same for him and that included taking care of Lydia. The girl had been through enough.

       Rick led her downstairs and into the dining room where everyone was now seated. Michonne eyed him from across the room with concern when she clocked how the girl had been clutching his hand like her life depended on it. And she wasn’t the only one who caught it. Rick watched Daryl clock it too. Not to mention, in the cold light of day, Lydia looked more like a walker than she did a person.

       She was pale and almost frail looking. Deep, dark circles marred the skin underneath her eyes. Lydia slid into the chair next to Beth carefully almost like she was trying to make herself disappear. And Rick realized she had reverted back to the girl she had been when she first arrived at Alexandria. Skittish and meek and defensive in the way she held herself.

       Everyone but RJ seemed to notice, but no one said a word and instead opted to let Lydia have a peaceful breakfast without any nagging. However, Rick was certain Lydia had just gone to priority number one in all four of their minds.

 

~

 

       The house cleared out as Michonne and Rick took Judith and RJ to train. Beth took Annette for a walk before the council meeting to plan and discuss a run to a distant military base. They were hoping to stock up on MREs and other supplies for the upcoming winter months. They needed to start preparing early since most of the Kingdom and Hilltop were now residing in Alexandria. Their crop fields wouldn’t hold the community over the entire winter anymore.

       Glenn and Maggie took turns taking groups to begin rebuilding Hilltop after the fire and the invasion. They came and went sometimes with Hershel. Sometimes they left him safely in Alexandria. Carol was off at Oceanside, trading Alexandria’s resources for more food, but he knew why she left. It was the same reason Daryl had been going out into the woods.

       To escape the memories of her.

       Tension bubbled in the silence of the dining room. Daryl was still seated at the table with Lydia. She hadn’t made a dash for the door or an excuse to leave yet, which he would’ve deserved given how he had treated her. Instead, she stared at her empty bowl. Her long dark hair covering half her face.

       Before Rick left with Michonne and the kids, he got him up to speed. And Daryl had to agree, this thing between Carl and Lydia was sucking the life out of her. It had to stop, but first he had a whole lot he needed to apologize for first. And probably a whole lot of trust to start rebuilding.

       Daryl leaned forward, alerting Lydia to the fact he was able to speak. He made sure his voice was soft, rather than the gruffness she was probably starting to get used to. Daryl got right to the point, “I’m sorry. Way I treated ya that day wasn’t right. Never shoulda lashed out at ya like that. Just needed ya to be safe. Bein’ safe an’ pissed at me was better than…you bein’ dead.”

       Lydia’s shoulder fell, but her face raised up to look at him, “Guess Beth told you?”

       Daryl was sucker punched in the gut by her defeated, hollow tone that wasn’t just reflected in her voice but also her eyes. He nodded, answering her question. His eyes flicked over her only wrist before back up to her, “Yeah, but it don’t matter. Needed ta apologize anyway for bein’ an asshole.”

       Her eyes started to glisten and he wondered if it was something he said. He was getting ready to back track when she stuttered out, “Don’t need to say sorry for caring. That’s more than my mom ever gave me…”

       White hot anger shot through him, but he tried his best to cover it up for Lydia. This girl who’d seen enough anger and pain for multiple lifetimes, “Nah, ain’t an excuse for my shitty behavior. You deserve better an’…I’m gonna make sure I’m better. Alright?”

       Lydia nodded, making her tears slip past her eyeline and down her cheeks. Her head bowed and she rolled her wrist like she could still feel the blade she tried poking into it with the same hand. Daryl wanted to ask what her and Carl were doing at night. He wanted to ask if she was all right, but instead he put the ball in her court. Like Beth always did.

       Daryl tried to catch her eye, “Can talk ta me, kid. Ain’t gonna bite your head off. Promise…”

       Lydia took in a shaky breath, urged on by his promise, “I loved Mika, but sometimes I hate her too. ‘Cause I can’t die now, even if I wanted to. If I did, her sacrifice…it’d be for nothing. She did it because she was so sure I was meant to live. Always told me that— that I hadn’t gotten to be happy yet. But bein’ here without her—”

       “She did it ‘cause she loved ya. When Alpha turned that gun on you, Mika wasn’t the only one who jumped forward ta take that bullet. Ain’t gonna say fate’s why you’re here, but think it’s pretty damn clear ya should be. That’s what she wanted an’ that girl woulda figured out how to reverse time ta make sure’a it.”

       The two of them never beat around the bush. They were blunt and to the point. He thought Lydia appreciated it more because she was so used to constantly having to read between the lines. That’s why he knew there was more she wasn’t telling him. Instead of pushing, he stayed quiet and waited for her to gather her thoughts.

       Lydia fidgeted with her bowl. The clink of the spoon filling the room. Something was sitting at the tip of her tongue, but she was having a hard time expressing it.

       Her eyes grew heavy with exhaustion, “Carl…he looks at me like he can see her. But sometimes…there’s so much anger. Like he knows what everyone else does, that it was my fault. If I’d have just stayed with Alpha instead of trying to get back to you. She’d still be alive.”

       Daryl’s stomach dropped. There was a warning in his tone as he spoke, “Lydia—”

       “Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not like that. He needs me, but sometimes…he doesn’t want me around, but he can’t push me away. Think he thinks he’s hiding it from me, but I spent my whole life with my mother. I know want not being wanted feels like.”

       Movement upstairs halted their conversation. Daryl watched as Lydia visibly curled in on herself and he couldn’t take it. He stood up from the table and nodded towards her to do the same, “Come on. Gettin’ ya outta this house.”

 

~

 

 

       There were fresh flowers. Undoubtedly put there by Nabila and Sherry. They were all different shades of yellow. The only ones he recognized were the sunflowers. They suited her. Suited Mika. They reminded him of all the good things she brought to their world. And for once it didn’t hurt as much thinking about her like that.  

       Daryl and Lydia sat side by side in silence next to her grave. It was the closest he’d been to her grave since he helped lower her body into it. His finger ran over her stuffed rabbit clutched in his hands. He wasn’t aiming to bring Lydia here, but when his brain started to whirl thinking about how he’d get Lydia away from Carl, Daryl’s feet subconsciously brought him here.

       Lydia’s fingers dug around in the cool dirt beneath her. The tension she originally held in her body was starting to ease the longer they sat in silence. Alexandria’s cemetery was relatively private, walled off by some trees. He could still hear the community going about there day, but it was much quieter over here in seclusion.

       He ran a final hand over the rabbit then leaned forward and rested it up against Mika’s headstone. It was more of a rock, but he doubted Mika would’ve minded. She liked things simple. Whatever was easiest for others was best for her. That was just the kind of person she was: giving to everyone else. At times he worried she gave too much and not enough to herself. It was the same thing with Lydia. She was giving too much of herself to someone who was only taking.

       Daryl didn’t blame Carl, not really. He was in unimaginable pain and he couldn’t see past it, but that didn’t mean Daryl would let him do whatever he wanted. Lydia was one of them. Mika made sure of that. It was his job to keep her safe.

       “That’s where that thing went,” Carol’s voice broke the silence. Daryl whipped his head towards the entrance of the graveyard to see the woman who’d lost more than anyone, “Thought Mika had lost that thing. Guess not.”

       There was a sad grin on her face as she walked towards them. Lydia had shrunk back somewhat, almost like she was afraid Carol would snap at her. She moved closer to Daryl’s side, feigning like she was making space for Carol to sit down, but he knew better. She hunkering down in his shadow, trying to disappear.

       His best friend sat next to him and he didn’t hesitate to put an arm around her shoulder, “When’d you get back?”

       “Just walked through the gate,” she replied, leaning into him, “Left the carriage for everyone else to deal with.”

       He huffed, “Sure they loved that.”

       Carol shrugged, “They’ll get over it.”

       When Lydia stood and started edging towards the entrance. Carol called out to her, “Henry’s looking for ya. Don’t think he stopped talking about you the entire ride home. He’s got a surprise for you.”

       Daryl saw it for what it was. An offering. Carol was subtly letting Lydia know she saw her and didn’t blame her. She was welcome no matter what. Lydia’s arm wrapped around her torso, dipping her chin as an answer. He could see how much Carol’s acceptance meant to her.

       Before she could fully disappear, Daryl said, “Come find me later. Sure Beth’d wanna see ya at dinner.”

       Some light sparked in her eyes and Lydia replied, “Just Beth?”

       The spirited question threw him for a loop and for a second, he could’ve sworn Mika was standing right there in front of him. And it didn’t hurt. In fact, it was a reminder that his daughter still lived on in the people around him. It was a reminder of all the lives she touched and made better because of it.

       A grin tugged at his lips seeing a bit of life come back into Lydia, “Ain’t just Beth.”

       The girl nodded, a small smile forming before she turned her back and walked out of the cemetery. Then, it was just him and Carol. Daryl refused to ask how she was doing. He knew. They were both struggling through each day the best they could.

       “Good havin’ ya back,” Daryl spoke, quietly.

       Carol let her head fall to his shoulder, “It’s good bein’ back.”

       “Is it?”

       She hesitated before answering truthfully, “Leavin’ was good for a while, but the appeal wore off pretty quickly. Bein’ on a boat twenty-four hours a day made me rethink a couple things. And bein’ away from Henry and Ezekiel…”

        “I know,” Daryl grunted. Being away from Beth and Annette was torture even when he felt like he couldn’t be around them.

       Daryl wasn’t sure how long they sat together in silence. How long they let the memories of Mika float around them. All the good and the bad, but a little bit of him felt lighter being able to share his grief with Carol. The person who understood it most.

       For once, he let it all in and he let it be.

 

~

 

       The night was suffocating like the skin mask she wore. Lydia couldn’t breathe. All she could do was follow. The moon cast a cool light onto the forest floor. And they followed it, weaving a path she wasn’t sure she could follow back home anymore.

       When the first growl of the dead reached her ears, she nearly sobbed. She couldn’t breathe. Carl looped around the walker dragging it into their orbit like she taught him. Now, she regretted it with every fiber of her being. When he looked back at her through his mask, she saw an untamed, wild pride in his eyes. He only ever looked at her like that in the moonlight. Never in the light of day.

       And that’s what broke her. She couldn’t do this anymore.

        Lydia unsheathed her knife and floated up to the walker like a ghost. Her blade sunk into the back of its neck and deep into its brain. It dropped to her feet with a thud. Carl’s eyes flicked between the fallen body and Lydia’s face.

       “The hell you do that for?”

       There was the anger she ran from. It never came out at night, but it was now, because she was breaking his faux reality.

       “I can’t…I can’t,” Lydia gasped into the night, “We’re not dead.”

       Carl didn’t say a word. He was stoic and emotionless under his mask, like he always was, but she saw the way he shivered at her words. Lydia ripped her skin mask off, stumbling towards the nearest tree to keep her stable.

       Her mask slipped from her fingers, getting lost in the brush, “We’re not dead, Carl.” She repeated it more for herself than anything. Lydia thought she was helping Carl, but she was just burying them both.

       “Go home, Lydia,” Carl’s voice was quiet, but there was a quiver of fury behind it. She was shattering his fantasy. His peace. She was reminding him of the pain during the only time he didn’t feel it.

       “Come with me. Please,” Lydia begged. She couldn’t leave him. She shouldn’t.

       Carl whirled on her, seething, “Go.”

       Tears slid down her face, a sob breaking through her chest, “She’s not out here, Carl. I’m not her.”

       The crushing weight of reality crashed down on them both. There was a split second where she thought she might have gotten through to him, but then, he surged towards her. Lydia stumbled back, hitting the tree behind her as he roared, “You sure as hell aren’t her!”

       Each word tore through her. They were meant to hurt. And Lydia ran from them. She ran from Carl. The final person she still craved acceptance from. She ran from his comfort and his anger. His unpredictability. She ran from the reality they’d forged together where Mika never existed and they were free. But they weren’t free. Mika was real and she was gone. Lydia sobbed, stumbling through the woods back the way they’d come.

       She wondered through the night like a lost soul. Everything hurt. And her wrist started to burn, calling her name in a sweet melody only she could hear.

 

~

 

       Soft whimpering noises filled the room. Daryl turned over in bed to see Beth asleep next to him.

       He reached out, wrapping a hand around her waist and pulled her to his chest until she curled into him. His fingers threaded through her unbound hair while his other arm held her. Beth nuzzled her face into his neck, wrapping her arm around him. She sleepily sighed into him, still not fully conscious, even as she brought her leg over his to get as close as possible. Her warm body pressed up against his reminded Daryl of everything he still had to lose.

       Beth grazed her lips over his neck accidently when she looked up at him, but it still made him shiver, “Daryl?”

       His chin dipped to see her. There was a crinkle in between her eyebrows. He brought his thumb up to soothe it away, “Hm?”

       “Did I wake ya?”

       “Nah,” Daryl grunted, “Needed ya closer…” He trailed off wondering if he should bring it up or not, then he decided he had to ask. He couldn’t just leave it, “Havin’ a bad night?”

       “Hm,” she hummed into his chest, “No. Wasn’t havin’ a nightmare.”

       “Dreamin’ of somethin’. Damn near heard ya cryin’,” Daryl replied softly.

       “It’s nothin’ to worry ‘bout. Trust me.”

       “Ya know I do, girl.”

       As his words filled the space between them a soft, breathless moan followed. It was muffled in his chest so he barely heard her. Beth cut it off almost as soon as it left her lips, but he knew he wasn’t hallucinating it. That’s when everything clicked.

       Daryl grasped the underside of Beth's jaw and lifted it so he could see her face. Her pupils were blown out and her lips were plump from biting them. Her cheeks were flushed pink and her chest rose and fell rapidly against his. Daryl growled in the space between them, "Some dream, huh?"

       "Don't worry. I’m alright," Beth sighed clearly pushing everything she was feeling down for his sake. But he was done forcing himself to only feel the pain and forsaking everything else in his life that was good.

       Daryl brought his lips down to hers, claiming them. Ever since he let himself taste her out in the woods around Alexandria, he couldn't stop thinking about her. His wife. Giving into the comfort and love he craved. At first, it felt wrong to feel anything but the pain, but Beth made him realize that wasn’t right either. Carol made him see he could still have good things and not feel guilty about them. She still had Ezekiel and Henry. And she relished in the time she had with them instead of pushing it away like he was doing.

       Beth moaned into him, clearly already riled up by whatever dream she had been having, which he would ask about later only to see her blush. She rolled her hips into his making a growl slip past his throat and into her hungry mouth. He pulled her flush against him, encouraging her hips into a rhythm. She tasted so sweet. With each swipe of his tongue, he lost himself a bit more. The darkness receded at each breathy sigh and unrestrained moan and gasp of his name.

       Daryl was holding his light in his arms. And she wanted him.

       He ran his hand underneath her shirt, feeling any bit of feverish skin he could get his hands on. However, Beth pulled away suddenly, chest heaving trying to get air into her lungs, “We can wait. I can wait…don’t do this just ‘cause of me.”

       Daryl traced his lips over her mouth, along her jaw, to her ear, “Want ya, girl. Ain’t doin’ it just ‘cause.”

       This time Beth surged forward, crashing her lips against his. Daryl moaned into her, pulling her on top of him. That’s when he heard it.

       Both of them froze, listening intently. Then, it happened again. Another bang on their door boomed through their room. Daryl wondered for a split second how loud they were being if him and Beth had to question whether they heard it the first time.

       Daryl surged up from the bed, knife in hand. His other arm reached out to cover Beth and drag her behind him. She immediately reached for her own knife. Daryl got up from the bed, stalking towards Annette who was still asleep in her crib. He stood between her and the door.

       The same knock sounded through the room again, but this time it was much softer. And it was followed by a muffled sob. The tension eased from him a bit, but he still kept his knife up as he crept towards the door. He glanced over his shoulder to see Beth take his place next to Nette’s crib.

       Daryl cracked the door and saw the last person he expected. Lydia was looking up at him, tears streaming down her face. Her chest heaving at an uncomfortable rate. Daryl opened the door fully, lowering his knife and stepping aside. His eyes tracked her as she walked into the room, trying to make herself as small as possible.

       Her broken voice filled the room, “I’m having a bad night.”

       Daryl’s eyes found Beth the exact moment her face fell and his chest clenched. Beth practically stumbled across the room to get to Lydia. His wife wrapped her up in her arms and led her to their bed. They both sunk down as Lydia continued to heave and sob into Beth.

       Daryl didn’t know what to do, but he knew Lydia hadn’t shown up to dinner and neither had Carl. So, he could put two and two together. He walked towards the other side of the bed, setting his knife down on the nightstand. Beth looked to him, her eyes wide with concern and fear as Lydia shivered in her arms.

       He let his hand fall to the girl’s shoulder, hoping whatever strength was keeping him from going to hunt down Carl was transferring to her. This had gone too far. Carl needed to come back to himself and it was time to stop giving him space. This wasn’t just hurting Lydia. Daryl knew when Carl came to, the guilt he’d feel for hurting Lydia would crush him.

       Daryl ran his hand over Lydia’s head, gently and rhythmically, until she stopped heaving and her breathing evened out. Beth still held her half in her lap.

       And he leaned down to whisper, “Gonna be alright. You’re safe.” He repeated the comforting mantra not just for her, but for himself too.

       In that moment, he felt the familiar weight of responsibility land on his shoulders. Ever since Mika had died, that weight had disappeared. The responsibility of a daughter. It made him sick thinking about how a piece of him had been ripped out, but he felt it now. It ached and throbbed with each whimper that came out of Lydia’s mouth. It bled when his Nettie cried. But it also shone clear and bright.

       As he looked down at Lydia, the same love and responsibility he felt for Mika shone for Lydia too. The realization made his head bow and his chest squeeze, but he felt his wife’s eyes on him. Beth’s hand caressed his face silently. When he looked up, he saw the same realization on her face, but she was smiling through her tears. Unafraid.

            So, Daryl decided not to be afraid either. He would hold Lydia’s pain like a father should. Like Mika would want. Like he wanted to because he loved Lydia just the same.

Notes:

So, I think the biggest thing I want to note is: CARL WOULD NEVER PHYSICALLY HURT LYDIA. Okay, I just wanted to make sure that was clear lol. Carl is in an immense amount of pain that's never ending. And Mika and Carl's relationship was very codependent which is making his grieving process A LOT harder. I think the most interesting parts of this chapter are the ones revolving around Carl and Lydia. They have a deep bond, but as you can see it's becoming more and more unhealthy. The rest I will leave up to your interpretation.

We finally get a long awaited Rick POV. I haven't done his POV in a while and I'm so happy I did here. I love being able to write through his eyes and there are a lot of beautiful moments of healing at the beginning which I think you all will appreciate.

Daryl finally apologizes to Lydia and kind of spends the day with her. Their conversation is very interesting because you get to hear Lydia try to reason out this "thing" between her and Carl to someone else. Which juxtaposes with Carl's POV at the beginning and Lydia's POV of them walking with the dead near the end. And that scene leads into a lovely moment of mourning between Daryl, Carol, and Lydia which I think was very much needed.

Carol's grief was something I thought about a lot. I don't think she would've lost it like in the show because she still has Henry and Alpha was killed immediately after. I think her grief would more resemble how she grieved Sofia, but I love the scene between Daryl and her. I haven't written them must and I regret it, but that scene was vital not only for them but for Lydia too.

Finally, things started heating up a bit between Beth and Daryl again. This was mostly to show that Daryl was finally allowing himself to feel good again without all the guilt. Then, we get this deeply personal realization between Beth and Daryl about how Lydia is their daughter which I don't think either of them had truly and fully committed to yet even though they were doing everything a parent usually does.

Anyways, all the love and I hope you guys enjoy this lighter (?) chapter! See you next Sunday!

Chapter 78: This Mosaic

Notes:

Hello lovelies! Guess what?? This is the penultimate chapter of this story! That is such a bittersweet and crazy sentence, but we made it. We are at the final two chapters.

I'm not going to get sentimental yet. I'll save that for the next chapter, but just know I love you all so much and I'll be forever grateful for the support and love you gave me and this story <3 This is the longest chapter I've ever written for this story and there's something in it for everyone. I hope you enjoy and I can't wait to hear what you guys think :)

Story Playlist: http://tinyurl.com/KnowinYoureAlive

       “So, you decided ta stay? Or are ya plannin’ on goin’ back to Hilltop?”

       Beth ran a loving hand over her daughter’s wispy blonde hair, although in the sunlight, she recognized how much darker it was starting to look. It wasn’t as blonde anymore. She guessed she’d end up taking after her daddy after all. Not that she was complaining.

       Speaking of Annette’s daddy, Beth glanced over her shoulder to see him talking to Rick. An actual semblance of a grin pulled at his lips. Just that little expression tugged on her heart. He was opening himself back up again. Allowing himself to feel all the good things too and not just the bad.

       Daryl must’ve felt her eyes on him because he turned towards her. His piercing blue gaze held her in an intense, but undoubtedly loving embrace. He dipped his chin before turning back to Rick. Beth could almost hear his voice in her head: Be over in’a second.

       When she turned back to Negan, he was stood up to his full height, regripping the spear in his hand. A pile of walker bodies lay at his feet from where he was clearing Alexandria’s entrance.

       The council had voted to uphold her promise to Negan. He was free. Although, Aaron and Rick weren’t all that happy about him staying in Alexandria, but they hadn’t made the move to exile him back to Hilltop. Probably because Negan opted to keep his head down and work the shitty jobs no one wanted to do. Clearing walkers from their defenses being one of them.

       Annette shifted her weight against her chest, bouncing in her sling as she waved her arms and legs. She babbled, which almost turned into a giggle when Negan waved at her. Beth couldn’t help but smile at her daughter’s vocal mumbles. Her head dropped to place a kiss on top of her hat bearing head.

       Negan wiped his sweaty hands on his pants, “Still half expectin’ to be thrown to the wolves. Forgot what it was like to not wake up and see the same four walls.”

       Beth knew he wasn’t looking for sympathy. It was more just a stream of consciousness. She refused to feel guilty about imprisoning him. He deserved it for what he did to Aidan, Tyreese, Aaron, and Carl. Not to mention what he put Amber through and all the other workers at Sanctuary. Guilt had no place in her mind when it came to him, but she was also done hating him. It took too much energy. Occupied too much of her time. She learned years ago it wasn’t worth it.

       “You’ve been cleared to stay,” Beth reiterated, “No one’s gonna throw ya out. Well…” She trailed off thinking about the state of Carl and thought better of it. He completely pulled away from them all. His anger was mostly subdued, but what was left was pure anguish. He’d become the ghost of Alexandria.

       Everyone was worried sick about him, but no one could get close enough to actually help. After the night Lydia came to her and Daryl, Carl started shutting out Lydia too. He was gone more often than not. And Rick and Michonne were a wreck trying to pull him back from the brink.

       Negan hummed, “Carl…” Reading her mind.

       She nodded in confirmation, her body tensing at speaking about her family to Negan. However, if his life was in danger, he deserved to know. He saved her life and maybe her daughter’s life too when he intercepted Owen’s attack on her.

       “Don’t think he’d do anythin’. Most’a his anger’s under control now, but he might find someone to try an’ blame…an’ I don’t know how that’ll go. Think he’s dwindlin’ after losin’ Lydia too.”

       Negan’s face fell slightly, “When I lost my wife, there wasn’t anyone that could’ve pulled me back. Not ‘til I lost everything… He’s gonna have to find his own way back.”

       Annette started to whine and Beth knew she was starting to get overheated in her sling, so she pulled her out and settled her in her arms instead, “We’re worried ‘bout him. Comes back covered in blood. Walks with the dead. Lydia said it’s the only time he seems alive…when he’s pretendin’ to be dead.”

       A genuine flash of concern crossed Negan’s face, “How’s the kid?”

       Beth shrugged, her eyebrows furrowing, “Lydia’s stayin’ with me an’ Daryl. Sleeps on a cot in one’a our back rooms, but think she’s just startin’ to process everythin’ that happened with Carl. An’ she’s angry. Don’t think she’s really angry at Carl, but that’s how it’s comin’ out.”

       “Both of ‘em are tough. They’ll make it through,” Negan reassured. He crouched down, throwing a walker body over his shoulder before tossing it into a wooden cart near them.

       Beth’s head tilted analyzing his closed of behavior before she asked, “How’re you doin’?”

       Negan paused at her question, turning back to her. His face was neutral, but she could see the turmoil fighting underneath it all, “’Bout as good as you’d expect.”

       “I know ya cared ‘bout Mika. Maybe more than any’a us knew. For what it’s worth…I’m sorry. Shouldn’t’ve sent ya in there. It was rash an’—”

       “Don’t go gettin’ all soft on me now, Dixon,” Negan jested, but she could see how her apology meant a great deal to him by the way his voice softened and his face relaxed.

       Beth smiled at the nickname. She took Daryl’s name happily and her stomach still fluttered whenever she was reminded. When Beth turned, she saw Daryl walking towards them, so she quietly said to Negan, “All I’m sayin’ is, you’re allowed to mourn her too.”

       For a second, it looked like she’d punched him, but the shock and hurt fell away as Daryl joined her side. Her husband nodded at Negan which is probably the most he’d ever get in the form of acceptance. To Beth it was a miracle he would even stand in his presence, but she knew it had everything to do with Negan saving her life. It didn’t make up for all the bad he did, but it was something to Daryl.

       Daryl opened his arms to her and Beth transferred Annette to him. He held her cradled in one arm while Beth lifted the sling over her shoulder and passed it to him. Not a word was said between them, but a whole conversation had taken place. Daryl threw the sling over his shoulder, opting to just hold Annette before asking, “You almost ready ta go?”

       Beth nodded, “All my stuff is loaded up. Just waitin’ for the carriage.”

       Daryl nodded, still clearly uncomfortable with her going out on this run, but she helped the Council plan it. And they needed her help for multiple reasons.

       She turned back to Negan, trying to change the subject, “Never answered my question ‘bout Hilltop.”

       He shrugged, “If your brother-in-law isn’t intent on lockin’ my ass back up, we’ll see. Not gonna lie, kinda gettin’ used to it here.”

       Daryl huffed, “Ain’t no one steppin’ in if Aaron or Carl decide ta take ya out back.”

       A smirk formed on Negan’s face, “And why do I get the feelin’ you’re lyin’, Daryl? You wanna act all big an’ bad, fine. But we both know you’d step in just so ya wouldn’t have to feel like ya owed me anymore.”

       Daryl hummed, but it was surprisingly nonconfrontational and she wondered if it had to do with Annette, “Ya get one. Then, we’re square.”

       “The way I see it, we’re just one big dysfunctional—”

       “Don’t fuckin’ finish that sentence. Ain’t apart’a nothin’,” Daryl growled, interrupting.

       Beth placed a comforting hand on Daryl’s arm as Negan chuckled, “There he is. That’s the Daryl I know. All fight, no love. At least not for me. Damn, never thought I’d see the day where the Dixon’s started goin’ soft.”

       She rolled her eyes, “Alright, not in front’a Nette. You can goad each other into the grave when she’s not between you two.”

       Suddenly, Beth heard some sort of commotion happening inside Alexandria. All three of them turned, reaching for their weapons. She spotted the carriage and horses they were going to use for the run. It was stopped a bit away from the entrance. Far enough to where she couldn’t make out the exact words being yelled.

       She hastily started walking towards it. The sound of the gate screeching closed behind her told her Negan and Daryl must be following too. The closer she got to the noise the further her stomach dropped until she rounded the cart.

       “Get away from me!” Lydia practically screamed at Carl. She was holding up her knife, pointing it at him. His arms were raised up and there was a deep sense of anguish marring his whole body.

       Beth’s eyes widened in alarm at the scene unfolding. Rick was running towards them from down the street. Michonne hot on his tail. Magna and Kelly were trying to keep the horses calm, while Rosita’s eyes were glued on Lydia, circling around behind her like she was getting ready to intervene if necessary.

       However, Carl didn’t look the slightest bit alarmed by the knife Lydia held between them. If anything, he just looked defeated as he spoke with an edge of desperation, “I’m sorry…just let me come.”

       “I’m not goin’ anywhere with you,” Lydia hissed. Beth put two and two together, realizing Carl wanted to come on the run with them, but Lydia wasn’t having it. Not if she was going too.

       Daryl surged past her towards Lydia, acting before she could process everything. When she saw Daryl’s arms free of Annette, she whirled around quickly to see Negan holding her daughter. His eyebrows were furrowed in concern, at what was happening, but he was guarding her daughter like his life depended on it. Negan clocked her staring and nodded, a silent conversation between them.

       Take care of this. I got her. And for some ungodly reason, she trusted him. The fact Daryl trusted him enough to hold their daughter was only a cherry on top.

       The picture snapped Beth out of her trance. She turned back around and surged towards Carl. Daryl was already standing in front of Lydia’s knife, her sobs punctuating the tense quiet that settled over Alexandria.

       Daryl’s tone was soft as he spoke to her, “Put it down. Not like this. Alright? Put it down.”

       Rick and Michonne got to the group, trying to put the pieces together. Beth grabbed Carl’s hands before glancing to Rick over her shoulder. She nodded towards the gates: Gonna get him away.

       Rick nodded in answer before wiping a hand down in face in the only sign of exasperation he’d show. Beth pulled Carl towards the gates of Alexandria, slightly surprised he was just letting her pull him along. Right before she slid the gate open, she heard Rick’s voice boom across their community, “Alright, show’s over. Back to work.”

       Beth slid through the gap and watched Carl do the same. She took a second to watch as Negan passed her baby back to Daryl, who led Lydia away from the crowd that had gathered. Then, without a second thought, she led Carl into the woods. She knew it was the place he went to feel a semblance of relief. So, that’s where she’d take him. Enough was enough. The time for giving space was over.

 

 

       The log she was sitting on was breaking under her weight, but she refused to move. Carl was sitting on the ground leaning up against it. They’d been silent for the length it took to walk to this small secluded spot. The woods around them were alive with buzzing and chirping. Maybe it was sign, she needed to start talking. So, she did and she wasn’t going to beat around the bush. That’s not what Carl needed anymore.

       “I remember when Mika first told me ‘bout you,” Beth smiled at one of the few good memories she had of the day the Saviors came to the Kingdom, “She was so young, but she already knew you two were gonna be somethin’. She asked me all these questions ‘bout love. At the time, I just thought she’d been curious, but then she whispered your name, and I knew. Me an’ Carol had suspected. At first, we were worried, thinkin’ you two weren’t old enough to understand the kinda connection ya’ll were formin’, but that was bullshit. Wasn’t it?”

       Carl nodded. He was completely still otherwise, staring off into the distance. Beth observed his face, following the elastic of his eyepatch. There was a deep red line underneath it. Like it hadn’t been removed in a long time. It was accompanied by a dark circle under his good eye, but the most alarming thing was how gaunt he looked.

       He was a tall man and over the years he had filled out too, but now he looked lankier. Almost sickly.

       When Carl’s deep voice rumbled through the woods, she almost started, but a deep sadness settled inside her when she heard him speak, "It's the small things that just..."

       "Make it hard to breathe," Beth finished for him.

       Carl dipped his head in confirmation, his breathing hitching, "She used to always stand on my right to cover my blind spot, but when we were alone, she'd make sure to be on my left so I could see her. Sometimes think if I turn my head, she'll be standing there smilin' at me."

       Beth bit into her cheek trying to keep the tears at bay as they started to burn. She was grateful Carl wasn’t looking at her because he didn’t need that right now. Beth stayed quiet knowing he had more to say.

       "She's the only one I let take it off," he gestured to his eye patch, "Now, I can't get rid of the suffocating feeling that I'll never be able to get it off again. Not really. Not without her." He breathed deeply, his shaggy hair falling to cover the part of his face she could see, "I know I'm not...right—"

       "Don't,” Beth interrupted, already seeing where this was going, “You're— Look, when I thought I'd lost Daryl...didn’t move for three days. An' he was in a coma, not—"

       "Dead," Carl finished.

       "Yeah," Beth nodded solemnly, but honestly, "Not gone. So, by all accounts, you're doin' your best. I know ya are. Nothin' 'bout what you're goin' through is right an' ya shouldn't have ta act like it is."

       "But?" He pushed, knowing there was a caveat.

       She hummed, "No buts. Just a warnin'. Lydia might be helpin' you, but you're hurtin' her, Carl. An' I know that's the last thing ya want. Maybe there's a part'a you deep down that blames her. That wants her ta feel the pain you're feelin', but she already is. What both'a you are goin' through isn't the same. Ya can't use her to climb outta the dark. Trust me...I've been there."

       Carl dug his heel into the soft dirt, hands and head dangling forward. Then, there was a huff. Almost a laugh, but not quite. He finally turned to look at her, "Know who you sound like?"

       Her eyebrows furrowed in question, "Hm?"

       "Hershel."

       Beth tried to keep the surprise off her face. Warmth filled her at the mention of her daddy. Even a barely-there grin tugged at the corner of Carl’s lips. And Beth realized this was her opening. She reached down to take Carl’s hand in her own. He didn’t hold it back, but that’s all right. She just needed him to hear her.

       “’Cause he’s still here. He’s still with me. Just like Mika. I know she’s in there, Carl, ya just gotta find her again.”

       He sat in silence letting her words wash over him. He never answered, but he did acknowledge. Beth sighed in relief when she felt him squeeze her hand back.

 

~

 

       Daryl strapped her into her harness. Triple checking every clasp. Every strap. Even the cables going through the pulley that would lower her down into the warehouse below. Not just her but Rosita, Carol, Kelly, Magna, Yumiko, and Lydia.

       It was windy up on the roof of the warehouse, but the night provided a good blanket of cover in case any other people were around to see them and ruin their mission. Everything about this run required silence. The horde of deaminated walker bodies scattering the floor below her would attest to that.

       “Come back ta me,” Daryl murmured into her ear before gently sealing his lips over hers.

       Beth smiled against his mouth, “Stealin’ my line, Dixon.”

       “Somethin’ like that.”

       With one last look at Daryl, Rick, Jerry, Gabriel, and Eugene, Beth walked herself back over the edge of the skylight and lowered herself into a dangle just below the window. Daryl’s eyes remained on her as the pulley started to lower her down slowly.

       The stench of the room filled her nose. Beth sank precariously towards the floor of the warehouse that was completely covered in unconscious walkers. Her eyes started to water the further she was lowered. The room was musty, a thick layer of dust and dirt settled over everything. A giant torn American flag hung on the wall between plaques and other military memorabilia. However, the three decrepit choppers resting in the middle of the large room were what drew most of Beth’s attention.

       She turned her head back up to see Daryl watching her with a fierce intensity. It was strong enough to make goosebumps break out all over her body. His crossbow was raised and ready to take out anything that moved near her.

        Beth’s feet grazed a single sparse patch of the floor. Even though she was surrounded by walkers on all sides, that could wake from a single scuff of a boot, she felt safe with Daryl’s sights on her.

       It took nearly a week of convincing before he reluctantly agreed to bring her on this run. He didn’t let her do anything, but she craved his support on this. Needed it. It wasn’t that she wanted to come on this run in particular, but the group needed her. Or rather needed people who were lighter weight to lower down into the warehouse. The pulleys they were using would only hold so much. So, they needed lighter people and they needed to distribute whatever goods they found carefully, among themselves, before attempting to get out of here.

       The silence was louder than any gunshot or banging she’d ever heard. Slowly, Rosita, Carol, Magna, Miko, Kelly, and Lydia were all lowered down too, landing softly around her. There was an occasional grunt or groan from one of the walkers lying on the floor, but everything else was completely quiet.

       Beth unclipped herself from the pulley, making sure she closed the clip softly within her palm. She analyzed the floor in front of her, mapping the best route to the door on the far-right wall. The path highlighted itself for her in her mind. There was a clear route with the greatest number of open patches of floor between walker bodies.

       She nodded towards the others as she pointed towards their destination: Follow me. Beth took her first step over a rotting leg, softly going from toe to heel. Then, she halted. Waiting for the worst-case scenario, but no walkers so much as moved. Beth blew out a quiet breath through mouth, then continued on her decided path.

       Stepping over unconscious walkers wasn’t something she’d ever planned on willingly doing, but here she was. She took a precariously big step over two walkers piled on top of each other. It took more leg strength than she cared to admit to get herself over quietly.

       The dead stayed still. And the door was only two steps away. Beth danced her way through the last few steps and turned to see how the rest were faring. Rosita was right behind her. Then, came Magna and Kelly and Miko. Carol and Lydia stayed back by the ropes keeping watch. If things hit the fan, they’d signal. Lydia staying back was the only way her and Daryl would let her come on this run. It was their only condition.

       Magna treaded past her towards the door, handing Beth her melee weapon to hold so she could pick the padlock on the door. She took it, holding it away from everything so as not to accidently bang it on something. Miko had her bow out, keeping watch on the walkers. A few were writhing quietly with some half-assed groans, but they hadn’t been alerted to their presence. Yet.

       The sharp click of the padlock opening reverberated through the room, bouncing off the walls. Everyone froze. Holding stiller than the dead. Her blood pounded in her head so loud she was afraid the walkers would hear, but nothing happened. The soft groaning of taunt bowstrings being relaxed spurred her into action.

       Beth handed Magna her weapon, before the two of them disappeared through the open door. Kelly not far behind. Miko and Rosita stayed back at the door, holding down the fort for them. Everyone stayed in pairs at least. No one went alone anywhere.

       The hallway they step into was even more dim than the warehouse. Each of their steps towards the far room down the hall caused swirls of dust to kick up around their feet. The stench of the dead was far less pungent back here, but the moldy musk only grew stronger.

       They crept down the hall until Beth got to the door. She tested the knob and was grateful when she found it unlocked. She swung it open carefully, aware of the hinges possibly squeaking. The room in front of her was a storage area. And her eyes grew wide to account for the lack of light, but also because all the racks and shelves looked full.

       She didn’t want to get her hopes up, but it was something.

       Beth clocked the two walkers on the ground, blocking their path to the shelves. Kelly went to crouch down next to the one closest to her and Beth did the same with the other. She unsheathed her knife from her belt and watched as Kelly held up three fingers.

       Three.

       Two.

       One.

       Beth drove her knife into the walker’s skull the same moment Kelly did. A death rattle left their chests simultaneously. They both stood and Magna rounded them towards the shelves. She opened a crate and everyone held their breath. Magna slowly pulled out an intact MRE and held it up for them to see.

       A breath of relief rushed through her at the find. It would help in the coming winter months.

       It didn’t take nearly as long to fill their duffels full of food and supplies. They filled one and took it out to the main room to be lifted up and out. They all worked efficiently and silently, almost clearing out the entire storeroom in less than thirty minutes.

       Beth slung the final bag of food and various medical supplies over her shoulder before making her way back down the hall towards Rosita and Miko, who were still guarding the door to the main room. Magna and Kelly were on her heels. Together, all five of them made their way back through the maze of walkers and to Carol and Lydia, who were waiting for them by the pulleys.

       Carol and Lydia went back up first since they were already clipped in and it cleared up space for the rest of them. Then, the others clipped themselves into their respective pulleys and Beth watched as they rose above her head. The room was clear, except her. She was the last one.

       Beth wasted no time clipping her bag full of food to the dangling rope. The minute it was secure, she signaled up and the bag started to rise. Daryl pulled it up as quietly as he could without making more noise than necessary. When he sent the cable back down, she attached it to herself, double checking her surroundings to make sure nothing or no one was left behind.

       Her feet lifted off the ground, slowly rising higher and higher. She tipped her head back, looking to Daryl. The closer she got the lighter she felt. She reached out to the lip of the roof, almost grazing Daryl’s outstretched hand, when something in the air snapped.

       Beth’s body jerked and her stomach fell when her eyes whirled to the source of the sound. One of the clips holding the pulley to the edge of the roof had snapped. The piece of equipment groaned in protest. Terror surged through her. The second she looked back to Daryl the pulley snapped under her weight.

       She vaguely registered people screaming. Her hand was outstretched towards the roof like she could grasp for something to save her. There was a moment where she was suspended in the air before she started to fall. A moment where everything slowed down and her life became a mosaic behind her eyelids. All the little pieces fitting together to form one extraordinary life full of pain and love. Wonder and anguish.

       Beth had experienced it all.

       Her mosaic weaved beautiful stories. The truth of her life was so clear like the blue of Daryl’s eyes. And everything was all right. It was. It would be.

       Then, violence surged through her body as a grip like death wretched her to a halt. A cry ripped from her lungs and spilled into the night. And she was no longer falling. Beth clutched onto whatever was keeping her from falling any further. She turned her face up to see Daryl clinging to her arm, face scrunched in pain.

       Rick hurled himself over the lip of the skylight and reached down to grab the back of her jacket while Jerry held Daryl steady. Beth grabbed Daryl’s other hand, still dangling in the air over a horde of walkers now awake and groaning for their next meal. The symphony of moans coming from below almost drowned out the grunts of exertion from both Rick and Daryl trying to keep her from death’s door. And the fact she was still swaying back and forth wasn’t helping.

       Blood rolled down Daryl’s forearm from where it was piercing into the edge of the skylight. His blood wrapped around her fingers, binding her to him. Beth cried out in fearful frustration as agony ripped through her shoulder and through the arm Daryl had grabbed onto to keep her from falling. Undoubtedly, it was dislocated or at least severely strained.

       Rick looked to Daryl, a silent conversation passing between him before Rick commanded, “One…Two. Three!”

       The force Rick and Daryl used to pull her up threw her clear over the edge and into the fresh air of the night. Beth collapsed on top of Daryl, her mind reeling. He still had a death grip on her, or rather the grip of life. She knew she’d have a bruise there for a couple of weeks, but she didn’t force him to let go because her entire body clung to him. Her hands were wrangled in his vest and shirt. Her legs clamped around his hips as she trembled.

       Rick slumped to the roof, kneeling with his head turned to the sky like he was praying. Everyone around them was either crumbled on the roof in relief or actively pacing, trying not to jump out of their own skin. When she raised her head out of Daryl’s chest to look at him, a sob left her lips in a rush of air.

       His face was still twisted in pain, but his blue eyes were vacant. Beth pulled herself up his body until she was face to face with him. Her voice was croaky when she spoke his name, “Daryl…”

       At the sound of his name, his eyes snapped to her and a surge of air left his lips. The hands tightened around her imperceptibly then loosened and came up to cup her face. She let her body fall until her lips met his in a rush of urgency to feel close to him. To make sure she was alive and in his arms.

       His mouth moved against hers with just as much desperation. They pulled away on a gasp as she mumbled over and over again, “I love you. Told ya I’d come back to ya. Ain’t a liar.”

       It took her a second to realize he was saying something back, “You’re here?”

       The questioning tone in his voice destroyed her, “I’m here, Daryl. Ya got me.” Beth couldn’t say anything else. She dropped her head into the crook of his neck.

       “Fuck. Don’t make me do that ‘gain, Beth.”

       In that moment, she was sure he’d seen the same thing she saw. The mosaic of their life. His life. And she wondered if he had the same realization she did. Beth hadn’t seen any memories weaved into her story from before the Fall. It was an odd thing to come to understand that her life began after the Fall. After the world went to shit was when everything began for her.

       It wasn’t that she didn’t remember before. Of course, she did. She remembered her mama and her brother, Shawn. She remembered her neighbors. The kids she went to school with. Otis and Patricia. She remembered the farmers market and feeling like a grown up when her daddy let her run into town by herself. She remembered, but there was a fog over everything before.

       The mosaic of her life was made up of after. Her daddy’s wisdom after the farm fell to walkers. Her sister’s strength. The family she forged in blood, sweat, and tears at the prison. Falling in love with Daryl. Reforging herself into a survivor. Getting married. Making a home. Having a baby with the love of her life. These were all things she, Daryl, and her family made together after the world seemingly fell apart.

       All she wondered if Daryl saw it that way too. Beth finally answered, still breathless with her near-death experience, “I know. I know. I’m here.”

       Beth promised not to take anything she had for granted. She promised to live the way she did before. Just like Mika had. With hope and wonder. There was a part of her, deep down, that the light would never touch again. It remained inside her, but she had control over it. She could call upon it, when necessary, but right now, her darkness could lay dormant.

       She could step into the light again and not be afraid.

 

~

 

       Beth’s husky breathing filled her ears. The bedroom she called home was dark. Silent, except for her own labored pants. Blood pounded in her ears, singing a sweet song to lull her into the deep ache radiating from her core. It rivaled the one in her shoulder, which she was grateful wasn’t dislocated and just strained.

       They all had gotten by from their run in the early hours of the morning. Daryl had woken Siddiq up to check her out and make sure her shoulder was completely messed up. Then, they all went to their respective houses and slumped into a deep sleep for the rest of the day. Completely fried from their run.

       Now, Beth laid alone in her bed.

       Flashes of Daryl flew through her mind and they were all too good to just settle on one. They reeled, constantly flipping from one to the next. Some memories. Some fantasy. Some as real as her fingers between her thighs.

       Annette was in Michonne’s care to her disappointment. She insisted on giving her a break after her near-death experience last night, wanting to give her time alone to continue to sleep uninterrupted before her early morning watch shift. It wasn’t like she’d been sleeping all day, but she kept that sarcasm to herself. She tried to politely fend off the offer, but Michonne pinned her with that hard stare of hers and Beth caved.

       Her daughter had been grounding her. Reminding her of all the bright and hopeful things in her life. When Beth was alone, her mind wondered. Usually, her idle brain gave her a one-way ticket through every dark thought she’d ever had. Every bad memory. But that’s not how it was tonight. Her idle mind wondered to Daryl and a deep and violent ache pummeled her body.

       It had been months since she has last been with him. Since he’d last been inside her and Beth was certain it was finally catching up to her. It hadn’t crossed her mind truly, not with everything that had happened. However, since they had been interrupted by Lydia, Beth had been feeling the ache for him more and more lately, like that kiss had awoken something in her.

       It was like Daryl had given her permission to start wanting him again. Last night’s run didn’t help either. Beth wanted her husband more than she ever had, which was saying something since she was practically jumping him every minute when she was pregnant.

       The thing was, none of that mattered. What she was feeling didn’t matter. Beth wasn’t going to ask him for anything. She could take care of herself. She’d wait however long he needed. If Beth was anything, she was patient, which was why she found herself imagining Daryl moving inside her instead of her own fingers.

       Her head was thrown back on her pillow, knees bent up and open. For a second, Beth could have sworn she felt his eyes on her. Watching her. Goosebumps broke out all across her body, a broken moan leaving her lips as she got closer and closer to plummeting over the edge.

       "Need sum help with that?"

       Beth snapped her legs shut, eyes flying open to see Daryl sitting in the chair across the room. She didn't know how he got in without her hearing or how long he'd been watching her, but once she realized it was him, a rush of air left her mouth. Her body relaxed, legs falling open again. More out of relief than anything.

       However, she wouldn't lie. A thrill shot through her as his intense gaze raked over her body. On the surface, he looked calm and collected, sitting with his legs spread in their cushioned chair. But she knew him better than that. He painted a beautiful picture of a predator. Her violently fierce husband. Every bit as gentle as he was rough.

       "Thought ya had a watch shift..." Beth offered up a lame excuse as she sat up, trying to slyly make sure her shirt covered her.

       Daryl hummed, sarcastically replying, “See that.”

       It wasn’t that she didn’t want Daryl to see her. She'd been missing him so desperately, but his grief came first. His emotional needs came first and she was perfectly content to take care of whatever urges she had on her own until he felt ready. 

       Beth read the question in the tilt of his head and answered in a breathless whisper, not wanting to break whatever tension was mounting, “I'm alright. Just takin’ care'a myself.”

       She wasn't going to bring it up. Wasn't going to push him. In fact, a bolt of frustration surged through her for not doing this in the bathroom with the door locked instead. She didn't want him to think she was trying to rush or ambush him.

       Beth started pulling up her underwear, but Daryl stood. His voice was thick and gravelly, "Whaddya doin'?"

       Heat rose to her cheeks, but she still smiled at him shyly, "I'm done for now."

       "Ya ain't finished." There was a command in his tone. The same one that made her melt.

       However, she still protested, "Daryl. I wasn't tryin' to—"

       "I know," Daryl stalked forward, ending up on her side of the bed, "I wanna. Ain't gonna leave my wife feelin'.... frustrated."

       "Not you leavin' me that way. I've never been. Not with you," Beth replied, a grin tugging on her lips.

       Daryl loomed over her, an imposing force of nature, "Arms up."

       She tilted her head up at him, furrowing her eyebrow in question: Are ya sure? Daryl dipped his chin, answering her silent question. She wouldn’t condescend him by asking again. If he needed to stop, he would tell her. She trusted him. He quite literally held her life in his hands last night when he’d grabbed her out of the air. This was nothing.

       Her heart skipped a beat in anticipation when she realized what this was all leading to. She lifted her arms up and Daryl leaned down to pull her shirt over her head. Once it was off, she leaned back on her elbows never breaking eye contact. Beth laid out exactly how she was before, but this time she was completely naked. 

       "Fuck, Beth. Look at ya," Daryl growled, his eyes scanning over her naked body with such reverence it took her breath away.

       “Don’t ya have a watch shift ta get to,” Beth teased, lightly.

       He grunted, barely seeming to register her jest, “Connie’ll be fine without me.”

       She followed his eyes down her chest to her stomach to her thighs. They all had one thing in common. Silvery stretch marks from the changes her body went through to bring Annette into the world. She wasn't ashamed of them, but she still hadn't gotten used to them yet. She was still getting used to her own body looking and feeling different. She remembered a time when she felt like a stranger in her own body. Back when she couldn't recognize her own reflection in the mirror. 

       Then, it had been a painful reminder of all the bad she'd been through. Now, her body was a map. It wasn't that she didn't recognize her own body. It was just like they were old friends that needed to get reacquainted. And they were still in the getting to know each other phase.

       Beth ran her fingers over the marks on her chest, trailing them down to her stomach. Daryl's eyes became hooded with want as he followed the trail her fingers were making. 

       When she got to her thighs, he gripped her wrist stopping her in her path, "Beautiful." 

       She shivered as his voice rolled over her in waves and landed in her core. It was like he hadn't even meant to say it out loud. It came out quiet, but with so much conviction and awe. If Beth wasn't laying down already, she thought her knees would buckle.

       Her voice trembled slightly, but it was thick with want, "Know I don't look the same—"

       "Beth, don't. Ain't matter ta me. Ya made me a dad. Fuckin' perfect. Now an' then," Daryl spoiled her with his rare worded feelings.

       Beth followed the movement of his callused hands as he undid the buttons of his shirt, shucking it off his shoulders. The sound of his zipper filled the room next, only punctuated by her breathing. His pants and boxers joined his shirt on the floor. She sat back admiring him. The growing ache for him shined brightly, which was evident by the way it made itself known in a clearly desperate huff.

       When she reached for him, he worked his way on top of her. The bed dipping underneath his weight. She wanted to sink into him. His body surrounded her, cocooning her with his warmth. His scent. His love.

       Daryl leaned forward, trailing his lips over her hips. Then, he lightly grazed the marks on her stomach. His tongue darted out when he made it to her chest, soothing her with the warmth of his mouth. Beth moaned, not even trying to hold it in. He groaned into her, "Ain't gonna get enough'a ya."

       "Daryl," she pulled his face up to hers. She was panting already, completely gone for this man, "If ya had let me finish, woulda said...know I look different, but just reminds me of what I can do. What I was able ta give us."

       "Damn right," Daryl punctuated before claiming her mouth with such force she went boneless for a second before meeting him with the same amount of desperation. Her arms and legs wrapped around his neck and waist.

       She rolled her hips against his. Feeling Daryl hard between her legs made her moan into his mouth. However, he pulled away, gazing down at her with a question in his eyes, "Ya sure you're alright ta be doin' this?"

       "Think we're past that don't ya think?" Beth questioned with a smirk, "Wouldn't be naked underneath ya if I wasn't." She shrugged when he didn't look convinced, "Was cleared a while ago. Promise.”

       Daryl nuzzled into her neck, but Beth could feel his grin against her skin. His tongue ran along her pulse point, making her arch up. He held her to his body when he asked, "Ain't think to tell me?"

       She ran her hands along his back, her fingers brushing over the ridges of his scars, "No. It could wait."

       He didn't argue, because he knew she was right. Daryl's world had crumbled. Her world had crumbled. Alpha had taken one of their brightest lights from them. Taken Daryl's daughter from him. Life had stopped because it needed to.

       "Tell me ta stop if anythin' don't feel right. Got it?" Daryl commanded. 

       Beth melted into the safe space her husband created for her. For them both. This place where she could turn her mind off and she could just feel and be, "Yes, Mr. Dixon."

       Daryl paused going completely still besides his hand snaking up around her jaw to angle her head towards him. He stared through her and into her soul. Somehow baring her to him even more than she already was. And Beth held his gaze. It was in that moment; she saw the little spark of hope at the edges of his eyes. The little bit he'd always held since they burned down a shack with moonshine.

       It was there. She could see it again. He’d found it.

       Tears gathered in her eyes because life fucking hurt like a gaping, throbbing wound. But they were living. They were going to be all right. Life hurt, but it was also so unbelievably beautiful and breathtaking.

       Despite all the pain and agony, Beth wouldn't have wanted to live it any other way.

       And she could see in the way Daryl was looking at her, he understood. This fucked up life was theirs. And they had to claim it. This was her mosaic. Theirs. The one they made together. How many lives had they forged? How many choices had they made to get to where they are? They were on the precipice of another life. Another choice. And they were going to be all right.

       Daryl claimed her lips again, softer this time, as he rolled onto his side and pulled her to his chest. Her back was molded to his broad chest, his arms coming around her. One cupping her chest. The other snaking down to continue what her own fingers were doing but a few minutes ago.

       Beth gasped at the first touch of his fingers, “Daryl…”

       She was already so on edge and she knew she wasn’t going to last long, but she held her tongue because all she really wanted was Daryl. She wanted him to do whatever he wanted. Whatever he felt like.

       She surrendered her control. Surrendered everything to him happily.

       She pushed back into him, pulling a deep groan from Daryl that he buried in her neck. Her heart started to jack rabbit against her chest, breathing picking up as Daryl worked her. The soft gasps leaving her lips, twisted and turned into moans.

       “Look at you,” Daryl murmured into her ear, clear praise in his voice.

       Her hips bucked at his words and her own started to tumble out of her mouth, “Please. Please, Daryl. Need ya—” A gasp pushed from her lungs as Daryl added another finger inside her.

       “Tell me,” Daryl pushed, pausing his efforts.

       Beth practically writhed against him, trapped in the cage of his arms and body. No where she’d rather be. “Need you inside me. Please, I need ya closer.” She didn’t mince words. And it seemed Daryl wasn’t in a teasing mood either.

       Daryl pulled his fingers out, making her whimper, and ran his hand down her thigh. His thumbed circled, pressing into her skin like he was trying to soothe away her tremors of anticipation. Then, he lifted her leg over his hip to open her up for him. One of her hands rocketed up to cling onto his arm bracketing her chest. Anything to ground her.

       When he slid inside her, all the air bowed out of her lungs. Her head fell back against his shoulder, eyes squeezing shut as she was overwhelmed by the feel of him. Daryl pushed in slow, agonizingly so. His lips grazing the back of her neck. Beth felt him everywhere all at once. So close, yet not close enough.

       She was more sensitive than she’d ever remembered being. Even when he pushed all the way inside her finally and halted, she fluttered around him wildly, drawing muffled curses from Daryl. And he hadn’t even started moving yet. She was keenly aware she might finish before anything really started.

       Shocks of pleasure ran down her spine at the tiniest amount of movement. Beth tried to move, but she was completely at Daryl’s mercy. At her insistent whines, he pulled out of her a little before pushing back in. It was enough to draw a low whimper from her chest. He was hitting everything inside her to make her vision go white with desire.

       Spurred on by the sounds she was making, Daryl started to really move. His slow deep thrusts slowly turned relentless. Wave after wave of pleasure rolled through her body like a tsunami. Each snap of Daryl’s hips taking her to higher and higher places until the fall was starting to become too perilous, but this was a fall she’d gladly take.

       The way he held her. The way he moved inside her. The way he did everything. It was his body screaming: I love you. In every way possible, he loved her. In every piece of her shattered mosaic of a life, he loved her. In good times and in bad.

       Daryl’s arms tightened around her. His lips came to rest by her ear, “Come on, girl.”

       Beth shattered around him.

       Her vision blacked out. A desperate cry left her lips before Daryl could cover them with his own, but he sealed his mouth over hers. His tongued caressed hers, swallowing down her endless string of sobs and whimpers. She melted into him and when she opened her eyes, he was staring down at her like he’d not only die for her. Not only burn the world for her. But like he’d choose this life with her over and over again no matter how hard and painful it was. He’d do it all over again for this life they’d made together.

       When he started moving inside her again, was when the tears started to fall. There were no words to tell him how much she loved him. No word greater than love to put a name to it. The way their bodies were speaking to each other now would have to do. And whatever was happening to her body, this Earth-shattering pleasure, was only half the story.

       Daryl languidly continued to move, speaking to her without words. He still wasn’t chasing his own finish. He was savoring this. Savoring her.

       She normally didn't hear when Daryl finished. He wasn't loud. He'd moan or curse under his breath, but she was usually so far gone from him pushing her over the edge that she couldn't hear him over her own screams or sobs or moans. Even when Beth would float down from her high and he'd still be moving inside her, plummeting her towards the finish line again, he would be louder but not yelling like she usually was.

       However, something about this time was different. Everything was different. They were forging another path together. So many things added up to make this what it was. It was the position. It was how long it had been since the last time they'd slept together. It was the way she gushed around him like she never had before. It was them. All of it.

       The sounds coming out of Daryl were from a deep, primal place inside him. Louder than she’d ever heard him. And every single one pulled an aftershock through her body like a ripcord. Before she knew it, she was on the edge again.

       "Daryl. Daryl. Please," she couldn't keep the moaning babble to herself. Beth was a mess, unable to control her limbs. She shook in his arms, which only made him hold her tighter against his chest.

       The hand gripping her leg to keep it over his hip let go and dipped to her center. He started circling her frayed nerves. A sob burst from her lips, her head slamming back against Daryl's shoulder. He moved inside her hard and deep over and over again, taking apart her sanity thread by thread. His thrusts became rough, stuttering as he got closer.

       "So good for me, Beth. So good. Give me one more," Daryl growled into her ear, nipping at her neck.

       Beth surged out of her body. Out of her mind. Completely overtaken by a feeling she hadn’t felt before. It was like a blanket of warm sunlight engulfing her entire body. Something deep inside her was pulled up, running through her very veins. She was sobbing. The feeling overtaking all of her senses.

       Daryl came crashing down with her. She felt rather than heard the roar ripped from his chest. Everything in her mind went silent. All the reeling. All the worry. The pain. The grief. She was floating in a kaleidoscope.

       Vaguely she heard Daryl’s voice call out to her, “Beth.”

       It wasn’t until he slid out of her and carefully rolled her onto her back that she finally came to. Daryl swam in her tear-stricken vision, his thumb caressing her cheek. Beth wasn’t sure she’d ever seen whatever look he had painted on his face. It was relaxed, but also completely overwhelmed with emotion. She guessed her own face probably looked similar.

       Beth forced her completely slack muscles to move. She grazed her own fingers over his jaw then his cheekbones, “Think ya broke me.”

       She tried to lighten whatever this overwhelming feeling between them was, but tears were still spilling out of her eyes and she couldn’t stop them.

       Daryl shook his head, “Girl…Don’t know what the hell that was. Ain’t— Give me’a minute an’ I’ll get ya sum water.” He cut himself off like he couldn’t even come close to finding the words to describe what just happened between them. He brought his face down to her cheeks, letting his lips collect her tears, “Ya alright?”

       Beth turned her head slightly capturing his lips in a slow, healing kiss before saying, “Yeah…but it’s more than that.”

       “Hm?” He hummed, urging her to keep talking.

       She tried to wrap her mind around what she was trying to say, but instead decided to just start talking, “When I was fallin’, for that split second…I saw my life.” Daryl’s hand splayed around her waist pulled her closer, almost subconsciously as she continued, “An’ I was so proud, Daryl. This thing we’ve made together, it’s not just good for the world we live in now. I would choose it over anythin’ even if that meant bein’ able to live out my life before everythin’ fell. I’d choose this.”

       Beth watched her husband’s face. It shifted. A multitude of different emotions flew by in a matter of seconds before he landed on one. And there he was again. The man kneeling outside the gates of heaven, reverence and despair etched on his face in equal measure.

       Her angel.

       She remembered the first time she saw the same look on his face. It was the night before they’d gotten married. The night they’d had it out before he told her he wouldn’t be able to go on living if she died. He’d still be alive, but his body would die with her. She remembered. Daryl wasn’t a man of many words, but when he spoke, it always mattered. She’d never forget those words.

       After so many years and she still remembered: Couldn't, Beth. Body might go on livin', but everythin' else'd be dead.

       Beth was brought back to the present when Daryl finally spoke. His voice wavered, but it was still deep and strong, “Told ya I was nothin’ before. Now, I got everythin’. Ain’t a hard choice for me. Never was. Figured it was fucked up… not missin’ before. Stopped feelin’ guilty ‘bout it right around when we found Hilltop. But you had everythin’, Beth…”

       She melted in the knowledge that he felt the same. That she wasn’t crazy for wanting to choose this life no matter what because she had him. She had Annette. Her family. It hurt to think about all the faces of the people she loved gone too soon, but she still had them. Her daddy was still in her as Carl reminded her today. She carried her mama and brother.

       All the people she met in this life meant more to her than anyone else could have before the Fall. They made her who she was. They were inseparably bound together.

       “I’m grateful for it all, but…I’d choose this. I’d choose you. Every time,” Beth reiterated, willing him to understand how serious she was, “I love you. Seems like’a silly word compared to how I feel, but it’ll have to work.”

       It wasn’t just about him. He knew that, but he was a big part. This was a life she was proud of and she wouldn’t apologize for it.

       Daryl’s eyes said it all, “Love you, Beth. An’ you’re right. It ain’t enough.” He paused and she could see his mind whirling behind his eyes before he continued, voice thick with emotion, “Knowin’ you’re alive…?”

       Her breathing hitched as a soft whimper past her lips. There was a question in his tone, but she knew he already knew the answer. Love wasn’t a great enough word to hold the weight of everything they’d been through and how deeply they were bound. However, those three words…Beth thought they might.

       She answered, pouring everything she had into those three words, “Knowin’ you’re alive.”

Notes:

Second to last chapter ahhhh! I can't believe we're here. This chapter was full to the brim was a bit of everything. I'll try to keep these end notes short since the chapter was soooo long lol.

We start with a much needed conversation with Negan. There's a beautiful moment in there where Beth is basically giving Negan permission to mourn Mika. I think the fact Beth ended up trusting him to hold her daughter even for that short amount of time while she helped with Carl really sums up and closes the full circle of their very complicated relationship.

Lydia and Carl are still working through a lot of things. Lydia never would have hurt Carl, but she is very angry at the world right now and doesn't really understand how to express it now that she's in a safe environment where she's allowed to express her feelings. But don't worry Lydia and Carl will work things out. They just need to do it separately first before trying to mend their friendship.

I absolutely love how the scene between Beth and Carl turned out. I think it speaks for itself and gives us a little more insight into Carl grief. Plus we get a little glimpse of the kind of relationship Carl and Mika had which is very bittersweet.

We got a little action this chapter. I used the opening scene of 11x01 and sort of rewrote it to fit this story. This scene is the catalyst for launching what I like to call, "Beth and Daryl's final form". Her realization that when her life flashed before her eyes, it was all the life she lived after the Fall. Nothing from before. And the overwhelming feeling she felt was pride at the life she'd built with Daryl and her family despite everything.

Finally, the last scene. I hope the scene between Beth and Daryl didn't disappoint. It is such a pivotal moment for them. As I said, Beth almost dying was the catalyst. Them being together in this almost spiritual moment was the solidification of their "final form". And in turn it closed the final arc of the title of this story, knowin' you're alive. Those three words have now been used three different times in this story and each time it meant something different. You are finally seeing the last iteration of knowin' you're alive. And I hope it didn't disappoint :)

Beth and Daryl both come to this conclusion that despite everything they've been through and all the people they lost, they'd choose this life over any other. And I think that's beautiful. It's their full circle moment.

I can't wait to hear what you think of this long ass chapter lol. And I will see you next Sunday for the last chapter of Knowin' You're Alive. All the love to you all <3

Chapter 79: Knowin' You're Alive

Notes:

Hello lovelies and welcome to the final chapter of Knowin' You're Alive! I truly cannot believe I am saying that. It has been such an amazing journey and one I was so lucky to take with all of you. I want to keep this part short because this chapter is incredibly long, but thank you so much for giving my story a chance and giving it so much love.

I can't believe this story is coming to an end. I really hope this chapter brings you closure like it did for me. All the love to you all and I hope you enjoy the final chapter <3

If you ever want to come chat with me, I'm over on Tumblr now: @idyllicchaos <3

Three Years Gone Bye – Summer

       The cool river water flowed around her, completely unbothered by her presence. It acknowledged she was there by the occasional splashes around her hips, but otherwise it stayed calm. It accepted her as an obstacle it needed to endure. Not something that needed to be swept away.

       Beth stayed completely still, trying to melt into the environment. Tried to become the river rocks underneath her boots. Her spear lightly twirled between her fingers in the summer breeze, moving with the wind rather than against it. The trees surrounding the banks of the river were full and bright as they embraced the sun’s beams. Leaves fluttered, creating an atmospheric bubble of natural noise.

       A dark shape moved in the corner of her eye, swimming with the current of the river. Her head snapped to it and her spear followed through without a second thought. The spear came up against resistance then gave way, plunging into the silty bed below. Beth smiled.

       She pulled up her spear and saw a medium sized River Herring flapping on the tip. Finally, for the first time in an hour, Beth looked away from the river and towards the bank where there was a makeshift camp set up. A hole dug for a fire. A drying rack for all the fish she’d speared for dinner. She waded through the water and emerged onto dry ground.

       Beth walked to the nearest rock and took out her knife. The herring wriggled in her hands, but with one slice of her knife it stopped moving. It was quick and painless. Just like Daryl taught her. Beth spent the next few minutes cleaning it before working on getting a fire started.

        The smell of smoke filled the camp, wrapping her in nostalgia. Nostalgia for what? She wasn’t sure, but it was there. The sweet honeyed feeling oozed through her muscles, lulling her into a strange bubble of serenity. Memories floated through her mind, ones since filed away, of summer nights on her family’s farm back in Georgia. Until those morphed and faded into nights spent at Hilltop and Alexandria around the community’s bonfire. Her home.

       However, it didn’t take long for her to pinpoint where the nostalgia was coming from. The smoke had an almost sweet undercurrent. The humidity from it clung to her skin, making her hair curl around her temples. Despite the cool river water still dripping from her waders. It was all too familiar, but also not at all. She was feeling nostalgia for a time where life was a whole lot harder and a whole lot different. For a time when it was easier to yell and scream about how the world had failed her.

       For a time when she’d had her first drink and confessed, she would die someday. At the time, she thought it would’ve been sooner rather than later. How wrong she was. Beth let the memory swirl around her until she was so certain she could see Daryl staring at her across a darkened porch with a new understanding of who she truly was. Looking at her like she wasn’t a burden or an inconvenience, but a companion. Someone he needed to survive too.

       Then, there were flames. There were ‘fuck yous’ thrown to their old selves. There was a new beginning. And a new hope had been born.

       Beth smiled. She remembered where her life began. The smoke wafting into the air was the crowning scent of her past, but also the one of her new beginning.

       It was then she heard the snapping of a branch deep in the woods to her right. There was muffled shuffling, but it kept its distance. She stood, clearing her mind and keeping her eyes peeled. She remembered she was still wearing her waders. They were too hefty to allow her to move quickly, so she slid out of them, throwing them over a nearby rock to dry in the summer heat. The breeze being stirred by the river wrapped around her jean cladded legs, cooling her off considerably.

       Her feet were bare, but she didn’t have time to throw on her boots. She didn’t want to make another sound that could possibly hinder her hearing. She pulled out both her knives, regripping them as she rotated to make sure her back was covered by a tree. One knife she held by the blade, getting ready to throw at a moment’s notice. The other she gripped by the handle. The same way Daryl and Abraham taught her.

       However, all her worry disappeared when she heard familiar footsteps coming from her left. Beth still held onto her weapons just in case, but she’d recognize that gait anywhere. Daryl, her husband, walked into their camp. He clearly was making his footsteps louder on purpose to alert her so he wouldn’t scare her.

       A grin spread across her face when he didn’t see her at first. Daryl’s eyes roved over the camp and a proud grin tugged at his lips when he saw all the fish she’d caught and cleaned for them. Beth was content with watching him until he caught the disturbance in the foliage of their camp and followed her trail with his eyes.

       When his piercing, blue gaze settled on her, every muscle in her body relaxed. Daryl kept his eyes on her as he untied the string of squirrels he shot, tying them up on the rack underneath the fish. She finally put her knives away when he walked towards her.

       His warm hand came up to cup her cheek, the roughness of his callouses scraping against her skin in the most reassuring way. His lips grazed the crown of her head as his hand dropped to her neck and pushed her long braid back over her shoulder.

       “Wanna tell me why ya had your knives out? Know it ain’t ‘cause ya heard me comin’.”

       Beth rested her hands on his waist needing to feel him. His winged leather vest was smooth against her fingers. Still somehow put together after all these years. Well, maybe not as put together given one of the wings stitched into the back was gone, but it was replaced by something even more precious.

       She brushed her fingers over the right wing, painted by Judith and Annette. Judith had done the finer details, but Annette had hand splattered blue paint within the boundaries with Judith’s guidance. Her daughter had practically squealed for her daddy to come see it the minute he walked through the front door.

       It was a memory she wouldn’t soon forget.

 

       "Careful! Don't step in the paint," Judith called out with a giggle.

       Annette bounded around the living room, her wavy brown hair bouncing around her shoulders. Her huge blue eyes widened as she paused, looking down at her bare feet almost comically. She was one step away from jumping into wet paint. For a second, a mischievous glint entered her daughter's eyes as she looked down at the blue paint in the pan. A look Beth knew all too well.

       Beth tried to cross the room in time to grab her, "Nette—"

       Then, her daughter practically dropped into the pan, slamming her hands down in the paint for added effect. It splattered all over Annette and Judith, but somehow didn't get all over the floor. Her daughter wriggled her fingers in the paint like she was feeling it out, "Mama...blue."

       Beth sighed, but a smile found its way onto her face, "Yes, baby girl. It's blue. An' now so are you."

       An energetic laugh erupted from Judith as she fell back onto the carpet. Annette analyzed the reaction then her own giggles followed. And Beth figured there was no use in crying over spilt paint. Not when her two girls were laughing so freely. So, Beth joined them, her own chuckle filling the room.

       “What’s goin’ on here?” Rick rounded the corner into the living room, assessing the damage with narrowed eyes before a breathy, soft laugh escaped him too. He looked at his daughter with paint splattered all over her face and just shook his head with a warm smile.

       “We wanted to surprise, Uncle Daryl,” Judith answered, gesturing to his vest on the floor.

       Rick hummed, “See that…Does that mean I’m gonna wake up one day with one’a my favorite shirts painted blue?”

       “Keep one eye open, Grimes,” Beth teased. She crouched next to Annette and ran a hand through her hair. Like she expected, it came back blue. She looked at her two girls, "Well guess ya best get to paintin'. No use in cleanin' up 'fore ya get the job done."

       Judith came to settle behind Annette, caging her in with her legs as she guided her daughter's paint covered hands to the angel wing Judith redrew. Annette let her guide her hands in filling in the outline. In fact, her girl was completely mesmerized by the whole thing. Her eyes were glazed over, letting Judith use her hands as paint brushes.

       Beth just watched the scene in front of her unfold, a ball of warmth and sunlight radiating from her. She couldn't help the tears that burned the back of her eyes watching two of the people she loved most in the world be happy and together.

       She found herself drifting to Rick’s side as they watched their daughters work together. He looked down at her, his head tilting to the side like he did when he was reading someone. No words needed to be exchanged. Beth leaned further into his side and he draped an arm over her shoulder, pulling her closer. He kissed the crown of her head. It was an acknowledgement that he understood what this moment meant to her. To the both of them.

       This is what they all had fought so hard for and they finally had it.

       After about thirty minutes, Judith looked up at them both and said, "All done." 

       Beth stepped towards her, tilting her head to see the finished product. On the left was the original tattered angel wing. However, on the right, there was now a painted wing. The blue stood out brightly against the black faded leather. Judith somehow created a gradient from a lighter blue at the top of the wing to a dark navy at the bottom. The dark black lines of the outline matched that of the original wing.

       She leaned down and kissed the crown of Judith and Annette’s head’s, "It's beautiful. He's gonna love it."

       "Daddy," Nette pointed to the vest.

       "Yes, daddy's gonna love it," Beth reiterated, with a smile. She turned back to Judith, "You can go take’a shower. I'll handle this."

       The older girl shook her head, the picture of her mother Lori, but with all the fierceness and love from being raised by Rick and Michonne, "I wanna help you."

       "You sure? Aren't ya supposed ta go see Gracie right about now?" Beth questioned as she picked up her paint covered daughter.

       Judith shrugged, "I helped make the mess. I’m not going to leave you with it."

       "Thank you," Beth ran her clean hand over her head to show her appreciation.

       It took almost an hour to clean everything up even with Rick’s help. Their kitchen sink was now stained blue, but at least Annette was clean. Daryl's vest was hanging up to dry. And Judith was all showered. The living room was back to its original form. All the couches and tables pushed back and carpet unrolled.

       The minute Beth sat down, Annette fast asleep in her arms, the front door opened. Familiar voices filled the hall.

       “Did you see that last one, mom? I hit it dead center!” Beth smiled at RJ’s voice echoing through the hall. The boy rushed through the hallway completely passing the living room and going towards the kitchen, “Dad! You gotta come see me next time.” His voice faded as he went deeper into the kitchen to join Rick.

       Michonne appeared next, a brilliant, but tired smile on her face as she looked down the hall where her son had disappeared. Then, Daryl came up next to her, drawing Michonne’s attention. She squeezed his arm affectionately, “Thank you. For today.”

       “It’s nothin’,” Daryl’s gruff voice rolled over her, “Kid’s gonna be real good with that bow.”

       Michonne nodded, “He enjoys it. But you know that’s not what I’m thanking you for. Know it’s gotta be hard.”

       Daryl’s head dipped slightly, breaking eye contact as he bit his lip, “Not as hard as ya think. Thought it would be, but it ain’t.”

       “She’d be proud, you know.”

       Beth’s heart skipped a beat even as pride swelled up in her chest at Daryl finally taking the plunge to teach someone else how to use a crossbow. The last person he had taught was Mika, which was who Michonne was, undoubtedly, talking about.

       Daryl nodded but didn’t offer up anything else. Mika was still difficult for him to talk about, but as the years past, Beth found he would talk about her more often without being prompted. Whether it was a silly thing Annette said, or did that reminded him of her. Or when he was with Carl and Lydia, telling them about the first time she shot a squirrel and nearly cried the whole way back to Alexandria.

       Annette started to squirm in her lap, sitting up with blurry eyes. She rubbed them, blinking wildly before they focused in on Daryl. “Daddy!” She yelled, sliding off her lap and rushing over to him.

       Daryl’s head snapped to the sound and his face softened immediately. He crouched down and scooped up his daughter. She giggled in his arms as Daryl huffed, “Heavier than ya look. Gettin’ too big. Ain’t gonna be able ta pick ya up soon.”

       Annette pouted, jutting out her bottom lip, which Beth had no idea where she learned, but it made Daryl cave every time. Her daughter wrapped her arms around his neck and humph out a resounding, “No.”

       Beth stood from the couch, closing the distance between them, “Good luck gettin’ her to let go now.”

       Daryl grinned, “Nah. She can stay here.”

       Michonne ran a hand down Annette’s head affectionately, giving Beth a warm smile, “I’m gonna go make sure RJ isn’t convincing Rick to let him use his new crossbow in the backyard.”

       She disappeared into the kitchen, leaving her and Daryl alone with Annette. Daryl leaned down towards her, grazing his lips over hers in greeting. Beth smiled up at him, drunk on the feeling she got every time she saw him being a dad.

       “Nette, don’t ya got somethin’ ya wanna show daddy?” Beth said, running a hand down her daughter’s back in a gently caress.

       Annette’s head popped up from Daryl’s shoulder, eyes wide. She started to bounce in his arms, “Down. Down.”

       Daryl followed her ask. The minute her feet touched the ground, she darted off quick as a race horse at the starting gun. Her husband looked over at her with a tilt of his head in question. Beth just grinned, “You’ll see. Annette an’ Judith wanted ta do it for ya.”

       It didn’t take long to see their daughter come barreling around the couch with Daryl’s vest. It was still a bit heavy for her to carry, so she was dragging it on the floor behind her. When she finally stopped in front of them, she hefted the vest up with a big huff, showing it off to Daryl.

       Beth watched his reaction, not wanting to miss a thing. His blue eyes shuddered, filling with so many emotions. Starting with surprise, melting to gratitude, and finishing with awe and love. His hand came up to his mouth, toying with his lips before he smiled and took the vest from her hands, “I love it.”

       He threw it on over his shoulders, turning around to show it to Annette, who clapped her hands and stomped her feet in appreciation. Beth couldn’t help but slip her hand into Daryl’s, raise up on her toes, and kiss his cheek. Seeing him be a father was sometimes too much for her. She had to reel herself back from asking him to give her another one more than a few times a week.

       Daryl gazed down at her, eyes darting around her face to take her in. He leaned forward, softly resting his lips on hers, mumbling, “Thank you.”

       She knew he wasn’t thanking her for the vest.

 

 

       Beth couldn’t help but let the memory take her over. Daryl swiped a thumb over her cheek, bringing her back to reality. She had to take a second to remember what he asked: Wanna tell me why ya had your knives out? Know it ain’t ‘cause ya heard me comin’.

       She finally replied, “Just heard some shufflin’ east of our camp. Better safe than sorry.” She tilted her head up to look at him fully, “Where’re the others?”

       Daryl bent down again, kissing her temple. His lips stayed pressed against her like he couldn’t bring himself to pull away, but when he did, she wouldn’t lie and say she wasn’t a bit breathless. Daryl righted himself, but he took her hand in his, engulfing it, “Should be here soon. Didn’t send ‘em far.”

       As if on cue, two sets of footsteps sounded through their makeshift camp. Daryl’s head snapped towards the sound, his muscles tensing underneath her hand. It took all of a couple seconds before he relaxed again.

       Rick and Michonne appeared out of the woods. The latter sheathed her katana on her back when she saw the two of them. Rick holstered his colt python and let his hatchet fall back into the loop on his belt. Beth smiled at the picture the two of them painted. Lethal, beautiful, and dangerous. Her heart swelled at the sight of them. Her family.

       They were all experiencing something they all thought they’d never have. Getting older.

       Rick had slightly more grey in his curls and facial hair. The worry lines between his eyes and on his forehead were a bit more pronounced, but so were the crow’s feet at the corners of his eyes. Michonne looked every bit the warrior samurai she always was. The only way Beth could tell any time had passed was because of the change in how she carried herself. She was more relaxed. Freer. More open.

       And Daryl. Her Daryl.

       Somehow, over the years, he hadn’t changed all that much on the outside. Maybe, a bit more grey in his facial hair. Heavier bags under his eyes. Somehow, bulkier and broader if it was possible. Less lean. But those things were all small. Almost unnoticeable unless someone was really looking.

       All the changes he went through were internal. Those were noticeable even by people who didn’t know him all that well. And even more so to those who loved him. From who he was on the farm to now, it was like staring at two different people. Daryl was calmer and completely settled into himself.

       It took him a while to accept the love he never thought he deserved or needed. Once he had, he started to accept her love. Started to accept them. It took him longer to settle into their relationship, but the finally piece of the puzzle probably took the longest out of everything. Daryl finally started settling into himself, accepting who he was and being all right. It took years, but that was the man now standing in front of her.

       A man who was confident in his ability to protect his family, provide for them, love them. A man who was accepting and patient with himself, which only made him that much better at being a husband. But not just a husband, a father too. Because Daryl Dixon was the best father anyone could ask for and Beth would attest to it until her dying breath.

       “Found a house not too far from here,” Rick explained, “Can hole up there tonight ‘fore we make our way back in the mornin’.”

       Beth nodded, letting go of Daryl and joining Michonne, who’d already started packing things up, “What about—”

       “They’re already there settin’ up,” Rick finished with a grin.

       “Sure leavin’ the two’a them together was a good idea?” Daryl asked, cutting straight to the point.

       Michonne shrugged, “They’ll be fine. It’s not like it’s the first time they’ve been left alone. They argue, but they always make up.”

       “When ya say ‘argue’, ya mean bringin’ down the house,” Beth added, teasingly, as she packed up their food and disassembled the drying rack, “Never loud, but ya can’t help but feel it.”

       Daryl worked on putting out the fire and huffed out a laugh. Michonne just shook her head, “Don’t think they’re ever actually arguing. It seems more like they’re…”

       “Gettin’ it out,” Rick offered, “Like they’ve come to some sorta agreement. When one’a them feels like runnin’, they stick it out together. In whatever way they know how.”

       Daryl hummed, kicking the dirt back into the hole, “Whatever works for ‘em long as they ain’t hurtin’ each other.”

       Silence settled over the four of them, but not one of disagreement. It was acceptance. They all had been there. Been through it and knew what it was like to come out the other side. Whatever worked for them was their business unless it started hurting either of them, but none of them had found a reason to step in. Not for years.

       Daryl brought her pack to her and she slung it over her back while the others did the same. Her husband gestured to Rick, “Come on. Losin’ daylight.”

 

~

 

       Rick and Michonne led them to a small suburban neighborhood. The house they settled on was a two-story sitting further back from the road. It was a pale yellow with a white picket fence. A house she would’ve dreamed of once upon a time. However, she halted at the fence line just as the sun dipped below the horizon.

       Daryl paused, sensing she stopped. Beth stared up at the house completely taken aback by a gut punch of familiarity. Years of memories ran through her brain until she landed on one.

       The house looked exactly like the one they holed up at in Georgia before they found Rick, Michonne, and Carl. It was on the opposite side of the road and they were in a completely different state, but it looked so similar.

       “Daryl, it looks like…”

       “I know,” he replied. When she turned to him, he had the same look on his face as she did. It was eerily similar. Even the trees seemed to be scattered at the same places around the house. Beth shook her head, trying to shake the feeling.

       They followed Rick and Michonne who had already disappeared inside. When they entered, Beth saw a knapsack of gathered berries and other edible vegetation on the floor of the living room. Michonne was setting up camp. Their alarms and security already set up.

       Thudding boots came down the stairs and Rick entered the room, “They’re cleanin’ up.”

       Beth and Daryl got to work on preparing dinner in the backyard. They dug a hole, burning foliage and branches to help smoke the fish they were eating tonight. Daryl spent the rest of the time cooking up the squirrels he hunted so they wouldn’t go bad too quickly.

       It was still the early hours of the night by the time they were done. They brought their feast back into the house, letting everyone distribute it amongst themselves. The silence was nice. Even in the house, they could hear the cacophony of sounds coming from the woods behind them. It was a clear night. Not a cloud in the sky. The moon was bright. There wasn’t a thing not to be thankful for.

       Halfway through their meal, Rick turned towards the stairs, “What the hell’re they still—”

       “Don’t move.”

       Beth froze, eyes flying towards the dark hallway behind Rick as three men slunk out of the darkness and descending into the living room. Beth’s mind went into overdrive, her hand automatically falling to the knife at her belt. Her entire body clenched as she watched three men surround them.

      Two of them had guns. One had a gnarly looking matchet. Beth was used to dealing with bandits out on the road, but this was different. These men were clean. Well taken care of. No rips in their clothes. They weren’t gaunt or sickly. So, if they didn’t need food, clothes, supplies, or shelter, that only meant one thing.

       Dread pooled in her gut. They were doing this for fun.

       The two men with the guns circled behind her and Michonne. Daryl and Rick both stiffened simultaneously, knowing exactly what was unfolding. Beth knew she heard something in the woods earlier. She should’ve trusted her instincts. Her gut. Now, they had to deal with this.

       “Take out your weapons and place them on the floor in front of you.” The man standing in the middle of them all spoke with a voice so cold and calculated. It told her it wasn’t the first time they’d done this. They were organized, clearly.

       Beth did as she was told, not seeing another way around it. Her knives clattered to the ground in front of her. She eyed her bow rest against the wall next to Michonne, but it was too far to lung for and would take too long to shoot.

       Rick purposefully slammed his gun and hatchet against the ground as an alert. Once everyone’s weapons were pushed away. The same man spoke again.

       “You two,” he gestured at Daryl and Rick, “Get against the wall.”

       Daryl and Rick’s eyes connected, a flash of fear and anger surging through them. Her husband glanced at her and she dipped her chin imperceptibly. Daryl stood and walked forward, purposefully taking a path through her scattered weapons. His boots knocked them around. Beth’s fingers flexed as one of her knives skidded across the floor further away, but the other one moved closer to her.

       Daryl drew their attention, covering up the fact he’d practically kicked one of her knives right in front of her legs, “The fuck ya want?”

       The supposed ring leader sighed, “Why do they all ask that?” The man behind her snickered, sending a chill down her spine, but the leader continued, “The end of the world is boring. Might as well have some fun.”

       Beth let her boot crawl across the floor until it was covering her knife. She shifted, letting her leg pull it underneath her. Then, suddenly, she felt a sharp metal point dig into her neck. Warm breath puffed next to her ear, “Stop moving, bitch.”

       “Hey!” Daryl yelled, trying to draw the man’s attention away from her. All Beth could think was at least he put the gun away. That was going to make this a whole lot easier. One of the man’s hands was clamping down around her shoulder. The other was holding the knife to her neck.

       Beth’s sharp eyes locked on Daryl before she feigned a whimper. A wolf in sheep’s clothing. Daryl’s eyes narrowed in on her and she swore, there was a glimmer of dark amusement before he covered it up and played the part of fearful companion.

       “Love it when they cry. Makes it so much better,” the ring leader swung his machete between Rick and Daryl.

       She almost gagged, but instead pretended to recoil in fear at his words. There was a silent conversation passing between Rick and Michonne. The man behind Michonne also opted to hold a knife to her carotid rather than use his gun. Idiots.

       “What’re ya gonna do?” Beth whimpered. Her voice shook out of anger, but she knew it sounded like it was from fear because that’s how she wanted it to sound.

       He simply said, “Me and my guys here are going to have some fun.” The man crouched down in front of her then, tilting his head as he ran a finger from her cheek to her jaw. It took everything in her not to turn her head and bite his finger off. His shark eyes drifted down her body.

       “Don’t fuckin’ touch her!” Daryl roared.

       Beth knew a part of his reaction was real, but she also knew another part of it was so he could be loud on purpose to cover up whatever was happening upstairs. He knew the same thing she did. There were two other people in this house and these men clearly hadn’t accounted for them.

       That’s when Beth heard the faint, familiar footsteps. And a smile twisted onto her face. The image of the sheep dropping completely. The ring leader’s vile grin faltered at her shift in demeanor. He stood abruptly, anger filling his voice, “What are you smiling at?”

       She glanced over the man's shoulder to Daryl, who was watching her intensely, but the same dark amusement danced in his eyes. The moonlight lit up his face making him look like an unholy creature amused at the failings of the men around them. Because he heard the same thing she had.

       The man holding a knife to Michonne started to look around skittishly. The one behind her eased the knife away from her neck, clearly also glancing around wondering if they missed something.

       Beth’s voice was calm as she hummed her reply, “Did no one teach ya to clear a house before ya enter it?”

       As if on cue, a gunshot sounded, echoing through the room. Blood splattered the floor and the ring leader thudded to the ground. Hard. A third eye craved into his skull by a bullet.

       “What the hell?” The man behind Michonne yelled backing away, but it was too late.

       Carl and Lydia moved out of the shadows in sync like they’d been moving together all their lives. Carl had his gun practically resting against the temple of the man scurrying away from Michonne. And Beth caught Lydia out of her peripherals as she got behind the man holding her up. Her prosthetic arm was equipped with a thin, needle like knife. By the time Beth turned around, Lydia had it rested against the man’s neck.

       Rick and Daryl moved at the same time. Rick grabbed his colt python, aimed it at the man Carl had at gunpoint, and fired. Beth moved out of the way as Daryl stalked forward, crossbow coming up to his shoulder.

       The last man begged, “Wait. Wait. I—”

       A whoosh filled the room, followed by a squelch. Beth stood quickly to see the man with a bolt sticking out of his eye thud to the ground between her and Lydia. The look of terror was still etched onto his face. She looked to Lydia who was still looking down at the body.

       Beth grabbed her hand, pulling her focus. Lydia finally looked up, “Hi.”

       She could’ve laughed at the innocent nature of it, but instead she just pulled her into a hug. Lydia dropped her head onto her shoulder as way of acceptance. When Beth pulled away, Rick was looking at Carl, “Glad ya both decided to join us.”

       Carl holstered his gun and scoffed, good naturedly, “So much for a peaceful family outing.”

       Michonne shook her head, “Never not something.”

       Daryl toed the body of the ring leader, “Piece’a shit got blood in our food.”

       Despite all the bodies and what could’ve happened, Beth’s hand flew up to her mouth to hide a laugh at the ridiculous nature of what Daryl just said. His eyes snapped to her and a grin tugged at his lips. He stepped over the body and pulled her into his side, “Ya both alright?” His other hand went to Lydia’s shoulder as he looked her over for any nonexistent injuries.

       They both nodded. The simple fact was, they were together. And they were alive.

 

~

 

       “Mama! Daddy!”

       Annette came surging out of Alexandria’s meeting house, hopping down the step with both feet. She ran towards them as fast as she could on her little legs. Gabriel, Rosita, Siddiq, and Eugene followed her out of the council room, keeping an eye on her. Rosita hiked Coco higher onto her hip. The little girl was looking around intrigued by all the noise suddenly happening around her.

       Beth walked quicker towards her daughter, crouching down and opening her arms while throwing her bag and bow off her shoulder. They clattered to the ground next to her as Annette ran into her chest at full speed, almost knocking her over. Her daughter buried her face into her collarbone, gripping onto her.

       Annette did a little happy dance, stomping her feet. She turned to her dad who was watching the scene unfold with a smile. Her daughter tugged on her braid affectionately, “Mama, you back.”

       Beth nodded, kissing both her checks, “Yes. And I’m so happy to see you.”

       Nette turned to Daryl and reached her arms up, opening and closing her fists, “I want up.”

       Daryl leaned down and scooped her up. She was at his eyeline when he said, softly, “Hi, sweetheart.”

       Her hand rested against his mouth, playing with his facial hair on his chin, “Daddy back.”

       He hummed, kissing the palm of her hand resulting in her giggling, “Yeah, Nette. We’re back.”

       That’s when Beth heard an unmistakable huff. She turned to see Carol coming down the road slowly. She was holding the small hand of a little blonde boy with deep set cornflower blue eyes. He waddled on his chubby legs, each step was an effort, but he continued to huff and puff his way towards them. He was focusing so hard Beth was worried he would pop a blood vessel.

       Carol walked with him slowly, the warmest smile on her face as she watched him.

       Beth looked at the beautiful baby boy. Her beautiful baby boy. And she couldn’t wait any longer. She surged towards him, closing the distance, and lifting him into her arms. He looked surprised that he’d been interrupted, but eventually his eyes found her. His hands patted her face, “Mommy.”

       She peppered his chubby cheeks with kisses, “Hi, Mica. Mama missed you.” Beth knew he didn’t understand what she meant, but Daryl and her had gotten used to talking to their kids like they were older.

       Carol pulled her into a hug and Beth reciprocated it wholeheartedly as she hiked Mica onto her hip. The older woman patted her son’s back as she said, “He was perfect.”

       “Really?” Beth questioned with relief, “Thank you for watchin’ him for us.”

       Carol waved her off, “You never need to thank me. I’m happy to. Anytime. Really.”

       Beth turned her attention back to Mica who was looking over her shoulder at Daryl, “Did ya have fun with your Aunt Carol? Hm?”

       Boots thudded behind her and Daryl came up next to her, Annette still in his arms. His eyes were focused on Mica. Her husband ran a hand over his son’s head. The same son he had chosen to name in honor of the daughter he lost more than three years ago.

       “How was it out there?” Carol asked Daryl.

       He chewed on his lower lip, “Alright…” However, he trailed off making Beth focus in on him. Daryl was looking between her, Annette, and Mica. Then, he glanced back to Carol, a glimmer in his eyes, “Ain’t better than bein’ here.”

       Beth’s heart soared at the answer. She always understood why he had to be out in the world. She never begrudged him for it. Often times, she felt that same call to get away, but it wasn’t the same as Daryl’s. Hearing him say he preferred being here with her, with their family, only solidified what she already knew.

       Daryl was never meant to be out there. Not like he thought for all those years before and after the Fall. He was always meant for more. Meant for family.

       “Can’t imagine it could be,” Carol replied with a soft, knowing gaze thrown their way, “Glad you’re back.”

       Beth stepped into Daryl’s side as the greetings and welcomes commenced between everyone. They were only gone two nights, but it was like they’d been gone for months. Their community came out to greet them. And Beth realized this was what she always dreamed of during those lonely nights when all they could do was survive. It was only ever in her wildest imagination.

       Now, they were living it. This was her ‘another life’. The one where she imagined herself with a husband and two children living in the suburbs with their white picket fenced house. The one where they got to grow old together while they watched their kids grow up.

       This was that life. It was different, but this was it. Beth had everything she could’ve ever wanted from this life. This was what came after.

       And it was beautiful.

 

~

 

Three Years Gone Bye - Fall

       "Bethie."

       She looked up from the knife handle she was re-twining and saw her daddy smiling down at her. He sat down at the table with her, pulling his bad leg over the bench.

       "Hi, daddy," Beth replied, fondly, "Done tendin' to the horses?"

       "Yes, they're doin' well considering the drought we had this summer," he responded.

       "Good. We're gonna be needin' 'em to help repair the wall."

       Giggles erupted from the middle of Hilltop, drawing her attention. Beth saw Mica doing his best to run after Daryl. Her heart skipped a beat when Daryl turned suddenly, causing Mica to squeal in delight as her husband picked him up and threw him into the air. Daryl caught him easily. Beth's entire body burned watching Daryl be a dad. There was a constant urge to give him more every time she saw how he was with Annette and Mica.

       Her son babbled something to Daryl, who murmured something back. There was a soft, easy smile on his face. One he reserved for his two children. He had his own smile for her, one that was different, but just as loving. And sometimes filled with intent.

       "I'm proud of you, my girl."

       Beth's focus shifted back to Hershel. There was such a warm and open look gracing his face. His words washed over her in a wave of warmth. Tears pricked the back of her eyes suddenly.

       "Daddy... I'm— You know that's all I want. I've done so many things—"

       "I don't want to hear it,” Hershel interrupted, grabbing her hand, "You're strong an' your children have only made ya stronger. You an' Daryl both. I’m proud of the woman you’ve grown up to be."

       There was a tug in her gut. Beth faintly heard her name being called in the foggy distance, but she hung on, keeping her eyes on Hershel. A sense of longing pulled at her.

       "I love you, Daddy. Wouldn't've made it this far without ya. Wouldn't've had any'a this. Not without you," Beth rushed out, feeling like her time was ticking.

       "Yes, you would have. That man over there," he glanced towards Daryl, who was now holding up Mica to pet Odie, "He wouldn't have let you leave his side."

       Odie. Her beautiful grey, silver horse bent his neck to get closer to her son’s gentle hands. That tug in her gut pulled again, more insistently.

       But Beth still smiled, "He's stubborn like that. Kept me alive."

       "No," Hershel squeezed her hand, "You kept each other alive."

       Overwhelming emotion took her over. The person calling her name in the distance got louder. She leaned towards Hershel and away from the voice. Away from the person trying to take her away from here, "We did."

       "Take care of each other. Tell Daryl I'm glad he woke up," Hershel lifted his leg over the bench, swiveling away with a soft, knowing smile, "You gotta go, Bethie."

       "Wait, no. Please, just a little bit longer."

       "It's time."

 

 

       "Beth."

       Her eyes fluttered open, sunlight forcing them shut again. She sat up slowly, blinking away the fogginess of her sleep addled brain. A calloused hand engulfed her cheek. She nuzzled into the hand she knew so well. The ones that could make her see stars, but could also maim just as easily. Beth burrowed into Daryl's warmth, resting her leg over top of his waist.

      The chill of their room at Hilltop skittered up her exposed back. Fall was truly upon them. The mornings had become chilly, ground covered in frosted dew. Luckily, Daryl's furnace of a body usually kept her warm at night, but there was something about this morning that had a chill settling in her bones.

       Her hazy dream state faded away, but it left a lingering sense of peace and tranquility. It's how she knew it hadn't been a nightmare. She remembered her daddy's warm smile. Remembered Daryl and Mica, but his words had become jumbled. Faded. But two things stuck with her.

       I'm proud of you, my girl.

       Tell Daryl I'm glad he woke up.

       She wasn't sure what the latter meant, but a deep cascading peace transcended and settled across her mind and body. A part of her knew it might just be her subconscious speaking to her in a dream state, but another part of her wondered if her daddy had come to visit her.

       Beth shivered from a draft coming through the windows of their room at Barrington House. Daryl grabbed the blanket near their legs and draped it over her while pulling her against him, "Shiverin', girl. Gonna have ta get up eventually."

       "Not 'til you've warmed me up," Beth replied with a grin.

       "Yeah," Daryl grunted, "Ain't gonna be leavin' this bed for a while then."

       She shrugged, burying her face into the crook of his neck to warm up her nose, "Fine with me."

       Daryl tilted her chin up. She saw the heat in his eyes before he claimed her lips. When she asked him to warm her up, this wasn’t what she had in mind, but she wasn’t complaining. At all. She didn’t waste any time when she moved to get on top of him. Her body tingled with anticipation as she rolled her hips into his. A groan got caught in his throat and a zap of electricity went up her spine. She gasped and it quickly became her mission to pull as many moans from Daryl as she could.

       Beth moved down his body, taking the sheets with her. She realized she wasn’t cold anymore. Her skin was burning up. Daryl watched her slip out of his hands, the inferno in his eyes crackling to life. She trailed her lips down his chest to his stomach until she was at the waist band of his boxers.

       She dipped her hand underneath them, grabbing hold of him and pulling him out. There was a hitch in his breathing before he growled, “Beth.” She loved when he growled, but she wanted his moans.

       Her thumb circled him agonizingly slow, before she wrapped her fingers around him. She was mesmerized by the column of his throat as it strained to keep quiet. When his eyes locked back on her, his hand came out to reach for her, undoubtedly to pull her back up to him, but instead she guided his hand to the back of her head.

       He hesitated for a second until she grinned up at him. I want this. I want you. Please let me. Daryl’s eyes darted around her face for a second, then, his hand tangled further into the hair at the back of her head. A moan left her lips at not only the trust he had in her, but the trust he now had in himself. He deserved this. Deserved to feel good just because.

       She kept her eyes on him, watching the sunlight illuminate the love and desire swimming in them. The burning intent. The pure, raging fire he felt for her reflected how her body was reacting to him. Beth lowered her head and let her tongue swirl around him, mirroring what she’d down with her thumb only seconds ago.

       A deep groan came out of Daryl and she answered it with her own moan as she finally wrapped her lips around him. His hand tightened and relaxed around the back of her head, not wanting to hurt her, but also having a hard time controlling it.

       “Fuck, Beth…”

       She hummed around him, the vibrations drawing a guttural moan from her husband. Her whole body throbbed at the noise, aching for him to touch her. Take her. Be inside her. But this was about him and she was going to finish what she started.

       Her tongued swirled around him, collecting his taste. She moved her down, then up, rhythmically until he popped out of her mouth. Her hand picked up the slack, not letting him fall back down from the high he was climbing towards. His broad chest was heaving and she couldn’t help but run her hand up his abdomen to rest on his chest. She brought him back into her mouth, picking up the pace.

       The moans she wanted were finally coming out. Raspy and so like Daryl. Beth was on the edge just listening to him. Normally, he would’ve pulled her off by now and been inside her, but he was letting her take him over the edge. Her whole body tingled just thinking about it. A whimper was pulled from her core, spilling out around him.

       “Beth,” There was a warning to his tone and she knew what that meant.

       She looked up at him and his eyes were bleeding blue, his face contorted in pleasure. Beth knew what would throw him over the edge. She released him from her mouth only long enough to for her to say, “So good, Daryl. Please…”

       Her lips wrapped around him again, but she knew it was her begging for him to finish that did him in. His moans turned to growls and something else entirely in between that made Beth see stars. His hand cradled the back of her head in an acutely sinful way that had her squeezing her own thighs together to keep from ruining their sheets. Daryl’s other hand gripped the one she had clawing at his chest like he needed something to ground him as he shattered.

       It was rare when she was coherent enough to take in the full glory of Daryl when he finished. It was a sight to behold. One she’d never stop dreaming of or imagining because it still stunned her that it was something she got to see and experience.

       Beth sat back on her knees, swallowing him down with ease. He watched her with hooded eyes, following her movement as she slid back up his body. She smiled down at him, “Good mornin’.”

       He huffed out a laugh, the slightest disbelief still dawning on his face. He crashed his lips to hers, murmuring against her, “So fuckin’ good, Beth.”

       She hummed at the praise, her hips subconsciously rolling against him at his words, “Yeah?”

       “Ain’t gotta ask. Gonna show ya how good it was,” Daryl suddenly plunged his hand into her underwear, cupping her. Beth gasped sharply, almost falling forward, but catching herself on his chest. She shuddered at the warm feeling of his hand against her.

       “Daryl,” she moaned, “You’re gonna—”

       Her voice cut out and they both froze. Soft thudding footsteps shuffled down the hall outside their room. Beth’s heart was pounding in her chest almost drowning out the sound until their doorknob jiggled.

       Beth quickly swung her leg off Daryl as he pulled his hand out of her underwear. She just had enough time to throw a blanket over both of them before the door pushed open.

       “Mama?” Annette’s voice sounded through the room, timidly.

       Beth rolled over to see her standing in their doorway with her stuffed bear dangling from her hand, “Yeah, Nette?”

       “I’m hungry,” she answered, shyly.

       She tried to keep herself from laughing at her daughter’s mussed hair sticking out every which way, “Alright. Your daddy an’ I will get ya some food. Can ya give us a couple minutes to get ready?”

       Nette nodded, rubbing her eyes, “Mica is sleeping.”

       Daryl’s gravelly voice spoke up behind her, “Leave him, sweetheart. He’ll wake up on his own.”

       Annette perked up hearing Daryl’s voice, “Hi, daddy.”

       Daryl sat up, a soft smile tugging at his lips, “Hi, Nette.”

       Her daughter seemed satisfied with his greeting because she turned on her heels without another word and ran back down the hall to her and Mica’s room next door.

       Beth slumped back down onto the bed with a giggle, her hand coming up to cover her face, but Daryl pulled it away again. An amused look lit up his eyes, but it soon shifted back to something heavier again.

       “This ain’t over,” Daryl whispered, making a shiver go up her spine.

       “Think you an’ I need a date with’a tree,” Beth teased, breathlessly. Memories rose to the surface of her mind. Ones of Daryl pining her against a tree outside Alexandria. It was rough and tumble and they both nearly collapsed afterwards. She was surprised they hadn’t brought every walker in their vicinity down on them.

       It was one of those desperate moments where they hadn’t gotten any time alone in almost two months. Daryl had practically thrown her over his shoulder and taken her outside the walls so they could be together. Aaron had conveniently looked the other way as they left through the front gate, but Rosita had wolf whistled after them. It wasn’t at all awkward to walk back through Alexandria afterwards when everyone knew exactly what they’d been up to, but Beth had gotten Rosita back pretty good after that.

       Daryl smirked, “Hm…good idea.”

       Beth could hear the promise behind his teasing and she knew Daryl would always take care of her.

 

~

 

       “You’ve done such a good job here, Mags,” Beth complimented.

       The sun was setting over Hilltop. People were still milling about, getting things ready for the day tomorrow. The second story porch they were sitting on was still stained from the licking flames of the fire the Whisperer’s set. However, the damage to Barrington House wasn’t as severe on the inside as it was on the outside. It was still standing. The same couldn’t be said for some of the trailers scattered across Hilltop, but instead of trying to repair them, they instead built small cabins in their place.

       There were fewer people than Beth remembered being at Hilltop before Alpha, but many had come back once repairs started making progress. The walls were the first thing to go back up. Maggie and Glenn were constantly going back and forth between Hilltop and Alexandria when everything started. Her sister had truly come into her own as a leader. She flourished in the good times and the bad. And her people trusted her, elected her in as their leader twice over.

       Hilltop wasn’t fully back on its feet even after three years of construction, but it was functioning. People started to move back after a year and a half. For some, Alexandria never became their home. And for some it had.

       Beth caught sight of Glenn and Hershel down below. They were putting the horses back in their stalls after a full day of harvesting. Maggie watched them like a hawk on her perch from above. It took her a minute or two to register what Beth had said.

       When her sister turned, there was a solemn look on her face, “Never feels like enough.”

       Her eyebrows furrowed, “Maggie, look at this place. Look at what you’ve done. Hilltop is runnin’. People can live here. Couldn’t say the same a couple years ago. That’s huge. Rebuildin’ takes time.”

       “I know,” Maggie nodded. She paused, a heavy silence hanging between them before she confessed what was really on her mind, “Glenn wants to have another baby.”

       Her eyes widened slightly, but Beth wasn’t surprised at all. She was more concerned with the stress marring her sister’s face, “Do ya not want another one?”

       “I do,” she answered with conviction, but there was clearly something holding her back, “Keep puttin’ it off ‘cause I want this place runnin’ without me an’ Glenn always havin’ ta look over everythin’. Want it ta feel safe again, but it just…doesn’t feel like enough.”

       Everything clicked and Beth nodded, “This was your home. An’ it was taken from you. Now, the trust ya had in it isn’t as strong anymore. You don’t feel safe.”

       Maggie turned to her, a sincere look of admiration on her face, “When’d you get so wise?”

       She huffed out a laugh, “Don’t think that’s wisdom. I just know you.” Beth grabbed Maggie’s hand, “No place is ever gonna be perfectly safe. But we got each other. Alexandria. Hilltop. Oceanside. We’re stronger together. You an’ Glenn’ll figure it out together. You’ll make it safe together. Every time I start thinkin’ too hard ‘bout the world I brought Annette an’ Mica into, I just remember everythin’ Judith survived. Everythin’ we got her through together. It’s always gonna be risky, but it’s worth it. Worth it to build somethin’.”

        Maggie’s face fell as she kept talking, her eyes glassy. Her sister pulled her into a hug, “I love you, Bethie.”

       Beth’s breathing hitched, “I love you too, Mags.”

 

~

 

       Their room was lit by two candles. The flame flickered across the walls, creating a cozy atmosphere. Beth closed the bedroom door behind her, “They’re asleep.”

       Daryl shucked his shirt off and put it on the chair next to their bed, “That was quick.”

       “Think their Uncle Glenn an’ Aunt Maggie ran ‘em ragged,” she replied as she got ready for bed. Beth pulled on a clean long sleeve shirt and some loose cotton pants to keep warm overnight.

       Daryl sunk down into the bed, “Makes it easier for us.”

       She grinned as she followed him, crawling in between his legs and turning around to sit, “Sure does.”

       Her husband sat up a bit, the bed shifting underneath her as he gathered her hair at the nape of her neck. And like a hundred times before, he started braiding. A comfortable silence settled between them, wrapping her in the comfort of their bond. Daryl’s fingers weaved her hair expertly. When he was done, her braid thudded against her back and he pressed his warm lips to her neck, letting her know he was done.

       He laid back against the wall and Beth turned around, curiosity thrumming through her, "Daryl?"

       "Hm?"

       "Had'a dream last night. Don't usually take 'em too serious, but somethin' ‘bout this one feels like I should," she explained as she settled onto his lap casually.

       His warm hands ran up and down her thighs like a comforting habit, encouraging her to continue, "Alright."

       "My daddy was there... told me he was proud of us. Of everythin' we'd done for each other."

       Daryl took a deep breath in through his nose, his chest rising, but he stayed quiet. His piercing gaze was locked on her, listening. So, she continued.

       She looked down at his chest, following the lines of his body all the way to his stomach where her hands rested, "Don't remember everythin', but I remember he told me to tell ya he was glad you woke up." Daryl's hands froze on her thighs. She watched his reaction carefully. He seemed to be a million miles away for a second before he came back to her when she asked, "Where'd ya go?"

       “Don’t know,” he mumbled, clearly still deep in his thoughts, “Anythin’ else?”

       Beth thought back hard, trying to clear away the fog. When Daryl’s hands clasped hers, one final detail fell into place, “Yeah…my horse. One I’d lost as a kid…you were teachin’ Mica how to pet him.” She smiled at the memory as she said, “His name was O—”

       “Odie.”

       Beth’s eyes snapped to Daryl, wide in surprise, because she was almost positive, she never told him about Odie. “I— How did ya know that?”

       He shook his head in disbelief, “Don’t know. Just remember wakin’ up after I was shot…seein’ a grey horse. Looked almost silver in the sun.”

       Beth absently ran her fingers over the scar on his collarbone marking the moment he’d nearly been taken from her. And marking the moment she nearly followed him, but instead chose to live because that’s what he would’ve wanted. Her mind whirled. She wondered if her daddy had been the one to lead Daryl back to her. If that’s what he meant, when he said he was glad Daryl had woken up.

       Chills ran up her arms as she confirmed, “That’s him.”

       Her words held weight. She wasn’t just confirming it was Odie he saw, but also Hershel had something to do with it all. And it seemed Daryl understood the double meaning because he pulled her down to his chest, grasping the back of her neck protectively as tears started to burn the back of her eyes.

       “Death wasn’t ever gonna keep your dad from protectin’ ya,” Daryl whispered.

       She sniffled, “Now you’re startin’ ta sound like me.”

       Daryl’s hand drifted up and down her back, “Guess you’re rubbin’ off on me.”

       “In more ways than one,” Beth replied almost automatically like a knee jerk response. There was no intent behind her words, but it did lighten the tension in the room as her lips tugged at the joke.

       The evidence of that was on her back. The scraps from the tree bark rubbing against her as Daryl took her were still red. He’d kept his promise to her from this morning. He apologized afterwards for the marks, but she liked the sting. It reminded her of the sweetness of it all despite how deliciously rough and unrelenting he was during. Daryl had rubbed some soothing salve onto her back afterwards, taking his time to knead her muscles until she was puddy underneath his hands.

       She grazed her lips over the scar on his collarbone before settling back into him.

       He hummed with a tone of sarcasm, “Glad ya find your ass bein’ rubbed raw funny. Ain’t gonna be able ta sit for the ride home tomorrow.”

       “I’ll deal. Was worth it. You’re always worth it,” Beth replied with sincerity.

       Daryl kissed her in answer. His actions speaking for him: So are you. She swore he mumbled it against her. Swore her chest was going to burst with how much she loved Daryl Dixon. How much she loved their life. Their children. Their family.

       It was in the way he kissed her slowly and thoroughly that she remembered one more thing her daddy had said in her dream.

       Take care of each other.

       They’d been doing that one way or another since the prison fell all those years ago. It wasn’t a warning or a command. Take care of each other. It was acceptance. Pride at being able to know she was safe with Daryl and Daryl was safe with her.

 

~

 

Three Years Gone Bye - Winter

       “Ya don’t gotta come if ya don’t want, but I’d be more than happy ta have ya with me,” Beth said, casually, trying to come off nonchalant while also being encouraging for whatever decision Lydia decided to make.

       Beth hefted the casserole dish she pulled out of the oven a couple hours ago into her arms. Lydia was sitting on a stool at the island. She leaned across the counter and picked up the pot of stew as she answered, “No, I’m coming. I should.”

       Lydia’s long dark hair swayed when she hopped down from the stool holding the pot under her arm. Beth followed her out of the kitchen and towards the front hall, “Just ‘cause ya think ya should doesn’t mean ya have to.”

       Her lips pursed as she bit the side of her cheek, “I know. I want to.”

       Beth nodded, “Alright.” She liked to make sure Lydia knew she always had choices, no matter how big or small the situation.

       Heavy footsteps sounded on the steps and Beth turned to see her husband carrying their daughter downstairs. Annette was bundled up in what Beth would guess was various layers and a large red coat that made her almost as wide as she was tall. Her daughter was giggling as she tried and failed to crawl over Daryl’s shoulder and down his back.

       Daryl made it to the landing without incident, but held Annette out from his chest. She dangled in the air in front of him, kicking her legs vigorously, “Daddy!”

       Her husband’s feigned scowl immediately melted. Beth couldn’t help but huff out a laugh under her breath. Annette had him wrapped around her finger in the best way.

       “Ya want me ta drop ya?” He questioned her, softly, but pulled her back to his chest and finally made eye contact with Beth.

       Beth couldn’t help herself. She looked between him and her daughter with so much love, but a sparkle of amusement tugged at the corner of her lips. “Daryl, there’s a couple inches’a snow on the ground. There ain’t a blizzard.”

       Daryl looked down at Annette, now resting her head against his shoulder as she watched the exchange between them, “She ain’t gonna catch’a cold.”

       Her face softened, “No, she sure isn’t.”

       Daryl set Annette down on her feet and she wobbled over to Lydia, hardly able to walk with the number of layers she had on. Her daughter stared up at Lydia before a big smile broke out on her face and she waved her tiny hand up at her, “Lidee, are you coming?”

       Lydia mimicked her daughter and waved her prosthetic hand. The apples of her cheek pinking as she smiled down at Annette, “Yes, I’m coming with you.” After she answered, her smile fell somewhat before she looked up at Daryl. Her eyes assessing how he felt about her going.

       Daryl dipped his chin to Lydia. A moment of silent conversation passed between the pair before his hand came up to rest on her shoulder and squeezed, “Good.”

       Lydia seemed to relax at his acceptance. It was something her and Daryl were still working on with Lydia. Even though she was an adult now, parts of her still craved acceptance from them. She never got it as a kid, so her and Daryl did their best to always reassure her that she belonged with them. That she was loved and accepted. Her choices mattered and their love wasn’t conditional based on whatever she chose. Right or wrong.

       Daryl turned to Beth leaving Lydia to throw on her coat. He closed the distance as Lydia jumped into conversation with Annette. Beth smiled up at him warmly, “Mica in bed already?”

        He nodded, “Kid sleeps like’a fuckin’ rock.”

       “He spends all day keepin’ everyone in line with his Daddy’s scowl,” Beth teased.

       Daryl shook his head, pulling her into a kiss. His lips landed on the corner of her mouth, heating her up from the inside out. When he started to pull away, Beth followed, pushing up on her toes to properly captured his lips. He groaned in the back of his throat, but only loud enough so she could hear. The vibrations went straight through her all the way to her toes.

       He pulled away too soon for her liking, but she gazed up at him with a promise in her eyes for later. The corner of his lips twitched slightly, giving away the smirk he was trying to hide. Instead, he answered her, “Looks just like his mama, but—”

        “He’s got all’a his daddy’s mannerisms,” Beth finished for him.

       Daryl gazed down at her intensely before patting her backside, “Go. ‘Fore I decide ta keep ya here.”

       She chuckled in answer. Lydia had already ushered Annette out the door. Alexandria’s dark streets waiting for her. She started to follow them, but turned back to Daryl, “Sure ya don’t wanna come?”

       He nodded, “This’s your thing. Trust ya.”

       “I know. It’s him ya don’t,” Beth responded, repeating his own words from so long ago.

       Daryl paused for a second, biting the inside of his cheek as his gaze darted around her face, “Wouldn’t be lettin’ ya’ll go alone if there wasn’t at least somethin’.”

       Beth stared at her husband, his ability to still stun her to this day never went unnoticed, “Well, isn’t that somethin’?” A grin broke out on her face, dimples peeking out, “I’ll see ya later. Won’t be too long.”

       He grunted in response and Beth closed the front door behind her, joining Lydia and Annette out in the cold.

 

~

 

       “Annette Mae, if ya feed Negan one more carrot off your plate, I’m just gonna scoop ya some more,” Beth reprimanded, lightly. Although she was irked her daughter wasn’t eating her vegetables, she was getting a kick out of her holding her carrot filled fork out to Negan like he was a dog collecting all the unwanted scraps from the dinner table.

       Annette looked positively scandalized at being called out, but she lowered her fork back to her plate and continued eating, “Neegey likes carrots.” Her daughter tried to justify, which only further broke down Beth’s attempt at laying down the law.

       “She’s right,” Negan agreed with a smirk.

       “Don’t encourage her, Negan,” Beth sighed.

       Negan’s dining room was lit up by multiple candles. The table the four of them were sitting at was a lot smaller than the one they had at home, but the space suited Negan well. He’d earned the tentatively trust of Alexandria a while ago. Enough to be able to live in peace here amongst the community.

       Aaron and Carl still avoided him for obvious reasons, but they’ve come to either ignore him or be relatively civil when the occasion called for it. That didn’t mean there wasn’t the occasional passive aggressive comment thrown this way or that, but it was still working out. Beth didn’t think the Council made a mistake by voting to let him stay.

       Negan leaned back in his chair taking them all in. Conversation had started out lively and eventually came to a natural pause. It was oddly comfortable and Beth knew how much Negan appreciated the company even if it wasn’t more than dinner once a month or once every two months.

       He tilted his head back, a genuine grin on his face, when Annette pointed towards his throat, “What’s that?”

       Beth tensed up when Negan looked back at her daughter and saw where she was pointing. The silvery, jagged scar from where she’d slit his throat. Lydia’s eyes went a bit wide because she knew the stories, if not from her than from Daryl or Carl or Negan himself. The silence around them weighed down heavily now, but the smile never fell from Negan’s face. However, Beth saw the solemn look sink into his eyes.

       Beth started, “Annette, it’s not nice—"

       “No, it’s alright,” Negan interrupted. He leaned forward, elbows resting on the table as he addressed her daughter, “It’s a scar.”

       “Scar?” Nette tested the word.

       “Mhm…Had it for a while. Keeps me in line,” Negan responded like he was talking to another adult and not an almost four-year-old.

       Beth watched the scar move as he swallowed, but she nearly laughed when Annette nodded with a serious expression on her face like she understood. Her daughter went back to shoving carrots into her mouth, probably thinking the faster she ate them, the less she’d have to taste them.

       “You wanna help me clean up, Nette?” Lydia asked after a couple minutes of tense silence, only made worse by the fact Negan wasn’t talking when he almost always never shut up.

       Her daughter hopped off her chair, “Come on, Lidee.” She grabbed her prosthetic hand and pulled her towards Negan’s small kitchenette like it was her idea to start cleaning up in the first place. Beth nodded towards Lydia, gratefully.

       When the sink turned on, Beth leaned forward, “Negan—”

       “Don’t, Beth. It’s not your fault. You know I don’t got a problem with speakin’ the truth,” Negan shifted in his chair.

       “No, ya certainly don’t.”

       He glanced over his shoulder at Annette, helping dry the dishes Lydia handed to her, “She’s a good kid. Won’t put up with any bullshit just like her mom and dad. That one’s gonna be able to smell a lie a mile away.”

       Beth chuckled, “Gonna be a gift an’ a curse when she starts gettin’ older.”

       There was something in Negan’s eyes. Something he was battling and Beth could tell. He always had a way with words so seeing him struggle to get something out was starting to concern her. It wasn’t until he heard Lydia laugh in the other room, did something break away.

       “When I was down on my knees in front’a Alpha, watchin’ her tell Daryl to choose… I finally understood what you must’ve felt that night at Kingdom.” Beth completely stopped breathing as Negan continued. His intense, honest gaze holding her hostage, “And I am so sorry. For what I took from you. What I took from the people you love.”

       Beth’s chest constricted, her throat clogging up with emotion, but there was also a weight that suddenly lifted off her shoulders. One she hadn’t known had been there. Relief barreled through her at an alarming rate. She hadn’t realized how much she needed to hear him say that. After everything, she assumed she’d gotten over what Negan had done, but maybe, a small part of her had still been holding out for this.

       “Don’t think I ever thought I’d hear ya say sorry, but that’s only ‘cause you’ve shown it instead. That pain won’t ever go away, but…we survived. We’re here now. An’ that’s what matters. All the rest of it can stay in the past,” Beth finally replied, sincerity clear in her tone.

       She couldn’t say she forgave him, but it was time to move on.

       Negan’s eyebrows furrowed with emotion before he answered, “Alright.”

       Beth wiped her sleeve under eye, collecting any stray tears, “Although, I’m glad ta hear the scar I gave ya is keepin’ you in line.” She added some levity, hoping it would ease the atmosphere between them.

       Negan chuckled, darkly, “You get your rocks off knowin’ ya brought me to my knees.”

       There was the crass Negan she knew so well.

       “Hardly,” Beth scoffed, sarcastically, dropping her voice as she brought her cup of water to her lips, “Daryl does that all on his own.”

       A deep laugh burst from Negan, one she rarely heard, and Beth smiled. Never in a million years did Beth think she’d willingly sit across a dining room table with Negan, but it just goes to show how people could change for the better if they really wanted to. Maybe, she’d never understand how the twisted bond between them turned into something healing. Maybe she didn’t need to.

       Negan had done monstrous things. Maybe a part of him was still that monster deep down, but he chose to put it away. Just like she chose to put away her own darkness. It was a choice.

       All she knew was people could change. It was hard and it hurt and sometimes it could feel like tearing a wound open. But it was possible. Beth would know, she’d done it herself a few times over. People could choose to be good. And Beth would keep making that choice over and over again until she stopped breathing.

 

~

 

Four Years Gone Bye - Spring

       Every man has a right to live
       Love is all that we have to give
       Together we struggle by your will to survive
       And together we fight just to stay alive

       Struggling man has got to move
       Struggling man, no time to lose
       I'm a struggling man
       And I've got to move on

       As the sun lights the day and the moon lights the night
       Struggling man keeps reaching for the higher heights
       So we plan for tomorrow as we live for today
       Like a flower we bloom and then later fade away

       Beth’s voice floated through the streets of Alexandria. People stopped to listen. To hear her. To be close to the angel lulling them all into a trance. And Daryl was no different. She may have been his wife for the last ten years, but that didn’t mean he ever stopped being mesmerized by her.

       Daryl’s eyes scanned the area and he saw his family. Carl and Lydia were standing side by side. Her hand was clasped tightly in his as they watched on. Alexandria’s graveyard was filled with his family. Rosita and Siddiq stood together, holding Coco. Gabriel had his Bible clasped in his hands; head bowed out of respect. Rick and Michonne looked on, eyes scanning the graves of all the people they lost. Carol and Ezekiel leaned on each other.

       Even Glenn and Maggie had come from Hilltop for the vigil. Daryl stood off to the side, watching Beth. His wife. The mother of his children. This was all her idea. Well, the singing had been his, but everything else was her. All her. His strong, beautiful girl.

       Struggling man has got to move
       Struggling man, no time to lose
       I'm a struggling man
       And I've got to move on

       Struggling man has got to move
       Struggling man, no time to lose
       I'm a struggling man
       And I've got to move on

       Struggling man, struggling man
       Struggling man, struggling man
       Struggling man, struggling man

       Beth’s voice faded out, carrying on the light spring breeze. Her hair fluttered in the wind, wrapping around her shoulders. Even with their dead surrounding them, Beth looked at peace. And the thing was, so was he. Daryl never thought he’d have anything resembling the life he had now, but somehow, he did. Never thought he’d find peace either, but here he was.

       Gabriel stepped forward, “May the soul of all those departed, through the Mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.”

       Eugene, Jerry, Henry, Aaron, and Connie came forward holding lit torches. One by one people held up little sheets of paper or cloth with their loved one’s names written on them and dropped them into the flames, letting them burn up. Daryl’s fist flexed around the one in his palm, already burning his hand.

       Mika.

       Beth came back to his side just as Eugene came around to their side of the group. His wife took his hand as she brought her clasped fist to her mouth. She whispered something then let her piece of grief flutter into the flames.

       Daryl held his grief, kept it close to his chest, but as he raised his hand to the flame, he found it a lot easier to let go than he thought. His piece of cloth burned up before his eyes. The aching hole in his chest would never be filled. He would always feel it, but he didn’t want to think about Mika and feel a burden weighing down on him.

       He wanted to remember the good. Wanted to remember everything she made him feel and everything she taught him. He wanted to remember her smile and her laugh and her goodness. He even wanted to remember their arguments, her sass.

       All the rest of it wasn’t necessary. He had to let it go.

       Everyone dispersed in their own time, but him and Beth remained. They’d lost a lot of people and he knew Beth would want to pay tribute to them all in her own way, even if it was just in her own mind.

       Her deep sigh told him she was ready to leave. When they walked out of Alexandria’s cemetery hand in hand, the first thing he saw was the future. His future. Beth’s future. The one inextricably intertwined.

       Annette and Mica.

       They were playing with Jerry and Nabila’s children near the pond. The latter was watching over them, stepping in when necessary. Daryl’s chest constricted. His children.

       Mica had a scowl on his face as he tried to wave to get Annette attention. His older sister was too busy making ripples in the pond water to notice. Daryl could see Beth in them both, but he could also see himself. Years ago, it would’ve bothered him. Seeing himself in his kids. Would’ve scared him, afraid they’d somehow turn out wrong if they were too much like him. But as Beth so often liked to say, that was bullshit.

       Mica and Annette held his heart in their hands. He loved them with everything he had. Loving them meant loving every part of them. The parts that were all Beth and the parts that were him. And it was a hell of a lot easier than anything else this life had thrown at him.

       However, Beth had been right. He would’ve chosen this life no matter what he’d been through. He’d do it all again for this.

       When he tilted his head down to look at Beth, she was already smiling up at him. Her fingers ran over the wedding ring he made her. Something she once said came back to him because it was finally ringing true. He looked into her finding the roadmap all the way back to the start, “Guess we ain’t the last people standin’ after all.”

       Recognition beamed in Beth’s eyes as they became glassy. Her voice was thick with emotion, but she was smiling, “No, we’re not.” Every choice that got them to this moment passed between them as she said, “Knowin’ you’re alive.

       A true smile formed on his lips as he answered in earnest, “Knowin’ you’re alive, Beth. That’s everythin’.”

Notes:

Oh wow, where to begin. Writing these final end notes seem almost more daunting than writing the final chapter of this story. This chapter was basically a summary of the entire story all wrapped into one. I used the seasons to represent certain arcs in the story, but essentially they are each an ode to a bigger plot and/or character arc present throughout the story.

Summer is my way of showing how Beth's strength (and the family's) has grown and changed through the story starting with the Claimers and Beth's first kill to this last group. Things are different. Beth and the rest of the family are a lot stronger and have more experience. But there's also that tinge of darkness in Beth that wasn't present in the beginning of the story but was developed along the way as a survival mechanism. We also get to check in on the changing dynamics of Rick, Michonne, Daryl and Beth. But also Lydia and Carl. Then, we get introduced to Beth and Daryl's son Mica (Mike-uh), who Daryl named in honor of Mika. This is probably one of my favorite reveals in this story, I can't lie :)

Fall is an ode to the finding of new communities and also the development of Daryl and Beth's intimacy. The first little side arc I had regarding Beth and sex started at Hilltop and I felt like it should end there too. It ended with Daryl's accepting that he also deserves to feel good. He finally trusts himself to let go and let things be just about him for once. There's also a great full circle moment with Beth's dream about Hershel and Odie. I think Beth really needed to hear how proud her dad is of her.

Winter is the completion/full circle of Beth's Savior arc. It's an acknowledgement of the relationship she has with Negan. And a final goodbye to the past.

Spring is the shortest, but sweetest of them all. I thought it was fitting to end on Daryl's POV since he was the main focus of the Whisperer's arc, but also because Beth had her reckoning last chapter. This is Daryl's final reckoning. His final acceptance. Despite everything, he would choose the life he had with Beth over all others even with all the people he's lost. Even with how hard it's been to endure. He knows it's worth it to have Beth and his children.

And the story ends how the first chapter ends. Knowin' you're alive. It's a final send off to these two characters. To this story I love from the bottom of my heart and to you all. I couldn't have written this story without you guys. I'm constantly flabbergasted at the love and dedication you've shown me and this story. So, a huge and special thanks to each and every one of you! To those who have commented throughout, only once, or not at all. I'm genuinely so grateful to you <3

Endings are my favorite part and they are often times the most memorable part of a story. So, I hope this story gave you just as much hope, love, and closure as it has given to me. There are no words to describe how thankful I am. So, for one final time, all the love to you all and thank you so much for being here <3