Chapter Text
only to find you
She walked along the corridor. The air was cold and she was shivering a little. They had come back just two days ago and it had been a disaster for Katniss. That much she knew. She was used to hide, not walking around much, totally focused on her job, the work, the main goal she came here for. In no way was she shy, she just felt different. Her appearance was kind of abnormal and others looked at her as if she was somewhat alien.
Without knowing where she was actually heading to, she found herself in front of the hospital section.
“Are you looking for someone?” A kind female voice woke her up of her thoughts. Her eyes meet tired blue ones and she only shook her head, but before she could fully turn herself around again, she hesitated.
“Maybe I do.” A questioning gaze scanned her, but Cressida simply passed her and entered the section. No one was really paying attention to her.
It was very busy in here, the nurses and doctors rummaged around and again she felt displaced as she usually did wherever she was in 13. The only place where she felt right was outside in the districts, where they shoot the propaganda videos. There she could walk around freely, people listened to her and didn't lance her so many weird looks.
“Excuse me, who are you looking for?” The blue eyed girl stood in front of her again.
“Johanna.” Cressida said staring around the room taking in the whole of it, it was plain white that it almost hurt her eyes. She hated hospitals. “Johanna Mason.”
The girl only nodded and brought her to another room where she left her alone in front of the door. Cressida wasn't even sure she wanted to see the girl. That wasn't Johanna anymore, she changed, changed and broken by the Capitol.
Fighting all her doubts she quietly stepped inside the room which looked like any other in 13 besides that there was only one bed in it and it was bigger and a lot of machines and medical arrangements were placed around it. The walls were as blank as everywhere and Cressida hated it. A small plate with gone cold soup stood waiting to be eaten on the little table besides the bed.
Johanna scanned her enquiringly while Cressida still stood at the door, which closed behind her almost making no noise while doing so.
“You.” Johanna sat up and Cressida couldn't understand her gaze. She couldn't read it. She was good at reading people, at understanding them, very well actually. That's what made her a good director.
“You.” Johanna repeated and this time her voice was louder and much clearer than before.
“Me.” Cressida walked over to the bed her fingers wandered over the soft fabric of the blanket that covered Johanna’s body, before she sat down on the edge of it looking directly at the young woman.
“This must be a nightmare.” Cressida could barely hear those words, but understood her struggle.
“You're safe here. Safe from the capitol.” She felt kind of helpless around Johanna. This was a feeling she always had around her, but they actually didn't meet that often before and Johanna probably never really noticed her. It was Cressida who sucked up every little bit she could get from her and now she was here and couldn’t even remember when she decided to go and see the other woman. She couldn’t even remember why.
“How can you say that? You're obviously one of them. I know you. I know, who you are. What's this? Why do your people don't kill me? Why do I have to suffer this much?” Her voice grew louder and in the end she was screaming at the blond woman with the half shaved head and the outstanding tattoo on the hairless side.
“I'm not one of them despite being capitol born, I never was Johanna. Otherwise I wouldn't be here.” Cressida stood up and walked around the bed and only stopped by the little window, which showed into the small corridor in front of the small room. “You're in 13 Johanna. They saved you and Peeta.”
“I don't understand.” Johanna whispered.
Cressida slowly turned around again facing Johanna for a moment before she grabbed the chair that was waiting in one corner and once more sat down next to the other women with the fully shaven head, before she started to explain to her what actually had happened.
It was good to talk to Johanna. Of course over the time they had both built up big walls around themselves for their own sakes, for their own chance to survive this. They talked, but it never was about them themselves. It was always about what was happening around them.
Soon it grow into a habit for Cressida to spend all her free time with Johanna. Often they just sat next to each other in silence. However, neither of them found it awkward. It was an enjoyable silence. Silence they both needed and a silence they both agreed to without ever really discussing it. Cressida's visits in the hospital were peaceful moments for Johanna. She was mostly alone, actually had no one else and despite all the mistrust she still felt towards the other woman, she enjoyed her presence. However, she was from the Capitol and for Johanna it still wasn’t clear why she was here and what she wanted from her. Will that nightmare ever end?