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Shit. Shit, shit, shit.
Dominik hadn’t meant to go so deep. He was only trying to make the smallest bit of blood come out of his already abused skin. But he got distracted, and now there’s a stream of blood dripping from his thigh and onto the locker room floor. His blade shakes in his hand as he watches blood gush from the fresh wounds on his leg, satisfaction and sadness rivaling for dominance.
He curses himself as he sets the blade back into his locker and takes out a towel. He wipes the blood from his leg before cleaning up the tiled floor, getting rid of all remnants of his continued failure. Once he is satisfied, he shoves the bloodied towel into his backpack and takes out the gauze and bandages. He covers the still slightly bleeding cuts before stepping into his black joggers. He had already showered prior to reaching for his blade.
“Hey, Dom?” Finn’s voice calls, walking into the almost deserted locker room. “Where are you at?”
Dominik quickly looks around himself to make sure there is no evidence of his weakness before calling back to his fellow faction member. “Over here!”
Finn comes into view then, eyes surveying the clearly disgruntled boy before him. “Everything alright?” he asks with suspicion leaking from his voice.
Dominik finishes pulling his tank top down his body before responding. “Yeah, I’m good. Just lost track of time in the shower is all.”
Finn nods, accepting the reasoning. “Well, the last bus to the hotel is about to leave, so I recommend hurrying up a bit unless you want to walk all the way there.”
Dominik looks to the wall on the farthest side of the locker room and sees that he has been in here for nearly an hour, well past the ending of tonight’s show. He winces at his idiocy. Not only did he relapse after only a week, but he nearly missed his only way back to the hotel. Sure, he could get an Uber, but those things usually aren’t the best for people in his situation. Besides, he worried Finn, and with that the other members of The Judgment Day.
Finn, clearly noticing the anxiety riddling his youngest member, sighs. “Come on. If we hurry, we’ll make it.”
Dominik nods mutely while placing his backpack on his shoulders and grabbing his phone from the ledge of his locker. He is about to shut the door when Finn grabs his arm roughly, preventing him from reaching its destination. He is about to demand the reasoning when he suddenly sees the matter: the bloodied towel has been shifted to show the fresh red liquid marking its usually white presence.
“Dom,” Finn starts, “what’s that?”
Dominik’s eyes move from the towel to Finn before he shoves the offending arm off of him. He slams the door before Finn can see anything more. “Time is ticking,” he says, walking past Finn.
“ Dominik .” The domineering tone has him halting in his tracks. “What. Was. That.” It’s not a question anymore, but a demand.
Dominik feels the tears beginning to form but he pushes them down. He will not be found out. His deadbeat father already knows about his self-harm, and he definitely doesn’t want anyone else, his friends especially, to know. His mind races for a second before coming up with an adequate excuse.
“I accidently cut my leg on a nail in the showers,” he explains. “I didn’t realize I was bleeding before coming back in here and seeing it on the towel. Didn't wanna worry you.”
Dominik can see the hesitance on Finn’s face, but it only takes a few seconds for Finn to shrug and nod, accepting. “Just be more careful, yeah? Can’t have our NXT champ getting injured by a bloody nail of all things.”
He forces a chuckle. “Will do.”
Later, when Dominik is sitting on the bus with Finn beside him, he feels his heart tear. The pain from his self injury that lays on his thigh barely existent next to the shame of not being able to stop since he was fourteen, and the guilt of lying to one of the only people who care for him. He’s a coward, and a liar, and he doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve to be Rey Mysterio’s son; he doesn’t deserve to be part of The Judgment Day…
He doesn't deserve to live.
_____
Deep breathes, Dominik. In and out, in and out.
He grinds his teeth as he feels another kick to his already busted ribs. Kevin Owens is above him and showing no mercy. With every kick, Dominik shrinks further into himself which only makes KO grow more fierceful. Dominik looks toward the other end of the ring where Priest is distracted with Owen’s tag team partner, Sami Zayn. He’s on his own.
Dominik had been doing fairly well. He made a valiant effort to stay on his feet and nearly tagged Zayn out before he kicked out on two. Priest, being the strongest and broadest, had been focusing on KO up until Zayn changed course and the opponents changed. That hadn’t deterred Dominik though. He kept on swinging and allowing the ropes to help lead his way to victory. But then Owen’s landed a kick to his thigh, the thigh that held his most recent self-harm from the locker room. A week had only made the cuts more sensitive. And so Dominik had groaned out in pain and collapsed to the floor, putting pressure on his clothed thigh. KO didn’t miss the opportunity.
Dominik closes his eyes as he lets the pain consume him. He possesses no more strength to battle the attack.
And that’s when he hears her. The strong and fearful voice of the Women’s World Champion. She’s at ringside, yelling at Owen’s to cease his attack. The screams of Rhea must have caught Priest’s attention for he pushes Zayn aside and rushes to Dominik’s aid. He punches KO and pushes him against the ropes, causing Owen’s to slip and land to the floor. Two breaths is all it takes for Priest to have KO pinned. Four breaths and Dominik and Priest are declared winners.
Rhea gets into the ring and rushes to Dominik’s side. “Hey, I’m here,” she whispers, grabbing his hand.
Dominik groans as he clutches her hand. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how I let him-”
Rhea shushes him. “Enough of that. That twat will pay.”
Priest comes to them next, kneeling down by Dominik’s head. “You okay, Dom?”
He nods as he begins to rise, hissing at the newfound pain in his ribs. The others grab him on both ends and help him out of the ring.
Priest ignores KO when they pass him, but Rhea has other plans. She kisses Dominik’s head before grabbing a nearby chair and throwing it at Owen’s who doesn’t have adequate enough time to dodge the object. She kicks him in the ribs, causing him to keel over. “How. Dare. You!” she shouts, kicking him repeatedly. Zayn, seeing his partner being attacked, begins rushing to the altercation. “You don’t hurt what’s ours like that!” She punches and kicks until being pulled off by Zayn who is then pulled off by an official. Rhea doesn’t acknowledge either of the men as she retakes her position next to Dominik.
The trio walks out of the arena feeling just a little bit lighter.
_____
“No. Absolutely not.”
Rhea groans. “Come on, Dom. It’ll be fun. I promise.”
Dominik shakes his head. “No, Mami. I really don’t want to.” He uses the title so she knows how serious he is about this. Unless they are in the ring, he doesn’t call Rhea Mami unless it’s something important. She’s picked up on this, so she must catch the desperation that he is trying to let seep through.
The members of The Judgment Day are trying to convince him to play strip poker with them which obviously he isn’t going to participate in. There are too many scars and fresh cuts on his skin, and he has no desire to let them see his weakness, and therefore his failure.
Finn chuckles. “What’s wrong, Dom? Afraid of being the first to go nude?”
Dominik grunts, standing up from the couch. “I’m going to take a shower.”
Rhea sighs. She reaches for Dominik’s hand and squeezes. “It’s okay. Go enjoy your shower.”
Dominik softly smiles. “Thank you,” he whispers.
Once he closes the door to the bathroom, conversation in the living room starts to pick up. He can hear Priest ask Rhea if he knows what’s wrong, and Finn responds that it’s probably just been a long day.
Dominik sighs. He wishes that he could have fun with his family, because that’s what they are now, aren’t they?… But he can’t. He can’t rid himself of the ten year scars that mar his thighs. He can’t erase the damage of his new cuts that he added two weeks ago, after the barely won fight against SZ and KO. He can’t change the fact that his hands are always craving a blade, that his skin always itches for pain, and his eyes always search for blood.
Tears form before he can comprehend it. He bites his lip as he reaches into his drawer and pulls out his toiletry bag which holds his blade. As soon as he feels the coolness of metal, a sob escapes him. He quickly turns the shower on so as not to have the others hear. Once that is done, he sheds himself of clothing, the blade still pressed firmly in his hand. He sits atop the closed toilet seat and looks down at his past damage. Both thighs are marred with scars and fresh cuts. There isn’t an inch of skin left untouched by Dominik’s hand.
Dominik can’t help but think of the day his father found out.
Dominik knew that he was going deep, deeper than usual, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want to be here anymore. He was never enough for his father. Never. No matter what he did, there was always something to improve on. And Dominik had enough. This would be the last time that Dominik Myserio would ever have to mar his skin. But then the door opened, and he paused the blade in the middle of a cut, slowly looking up.
“What are you doing?!” his father screamed, seemingly frozen in place at the doorway.
Dominik laughed, tears dripping from his cheeks and onto his bloody thighs. “Just go away,” he whispered.
Rey then must have processed what was happening for fear replaced his confusion. He slowly stepped towards his son who still held the blade to his skin. “Dominik, set the blade down.”
Dominik sneered. “Go away! Just let me do it!”
Dominik saw the tears in his father’s eyes, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was ending his pain. “Just let me go, Dad!” His shout turned into a sob as he pressed deeper with the blade.
Rey shook his head. “Dominik, please put down the blade. We’ll get some help for you, okay? Whatever is going on, we can fix it.”
Dominik hiccuped as another sob escaped him. “You can’t fix it! You can’t! You-”
And that’s when Rey rushed forward and pushed Dominik to the ground, tearing the blade away from his son. Dominik didn’t bother to struggle as he sobbed in his fathers arms, mumbling things like “I can’t do this anymore” and “Just make it go away”. It took only seconds, which felt like minutes, before the darkness had taken him.
Dominik takes a deep breath at the memory. His father, after bringing him to the hospital, sent him to the psych ward. He had stayed there for eight months before finally being released back into his family’s care. They had thought that sending him to the most expensive ward would rid Dominik of his problems but instead he simply learned something better: how to hide them.
He sighs. The urge had come and passed before he had even pressed the blade to his skin. Dominik put the blade back in its designated place before stepping into the now steaming shower. If only he could stay under this brutal heat forever.
_____
He hears the rip before seeing it. He knew that Seth Rollins had him in a stronghold, yet he still had attempted to get away. He gritted his teeth and pushed his body away from his competitors grasp, but then he heard the rip. His leather pants, once tight against his body, were now torn from his hips to his knee.
Seth freezes, as does Dominik.
The scars and cuts that lay on his skin are on full display. His breath turns ragged. Luckily, his body is away from the cameras and audiences. As for the rest of The Judgment Day, they are all focused on their own matches taking place both in and outside of the ring.
Dominik notices once the initial shock leaves Rollins as he rips his shirt off, still holding Dominik in place but now angling the front of his body towards him, and starts to wrap the shirt around Dominik’s thighs. He holds his breath as he watches such a noble act from someone who he was just fighting.
“Kid,” Rollins whispers into his ear, “that isn’t going to hold very long.”
Dominik nods in understanding: He needs to end the match, now.
Seth Rollins pushes Dominik to the ground. He grunts as his shoulders make contact. He sees as the referee rushes over and begins counting. He lays limp. And as soon as three is announced, and Rollins rolls away, he stands and rushes quickly behind stage. Dominik doesn’t look behind himself as he scurries away, so he doesn’t notice the worry from Rhea, the confusion from Priest, and the anger from Finn. How could he when he was nearly exposed to the world as a coward and a failure? Everything his dad said was right, and he nearly proved it to everyone.
_
Hiding out is probably not the best option. The Judgement Day is most likely looking for him right now but he can’t face them. He had run away. Not only had he cost them the match by willingly losing, but also to insure his secret never got out. So now he sits at the back of the gym with equipment blocking the view from the entrance, and waits. He doesn’t know what for. For Rhea to come in, fear and worry lacing her face? For Priest to awkwardly pat his back and tell him that everything is alright? Or for the angry Irishman to demand a reasoning for the easy win on Seth Rollins behalf? He doesn’t know anything anymore.
“Do they know?” a familiar voice asks, coming into view.
Dominik doesn’t bother looking at Seth. “No,” he whispers.
He feels Seth sit next to him, keeping an amicable distance between them. “Does anyone know?”
Dominik shrugs. “Only the ones who wouldn’t care.”
Seth sighs. “It’s dangerous, what you are doing. One wrong move, and-”
“I know the consequences,” Dominik snaps. “I just don’t care,” he says more softly.
“Look, I’m sorry about what happened out there. I never would have done that had I known…” Seth lowers his eyes to signal to Dominik’s now jogger clad legs.
“It doesn’t matter. No one but you saw,” Domink says, pulling his knees into his chest. “But they are probably so mad at me.”
“Well, they are going to be even more mad if you continue to hide from them,” Seth reasons. “I’m not going to tell you to tell them about your self-harm, but how else can they help if they don’t know you need it?”
Dominik scoffs. “What? So I just get sent back to the psych ward again? ‘Oh no, poor Dom Dom. He’s so mentally unstable that he needs to go inpatient.’ Please.” He rolls his eyes, annoyed.
“I don’t know your issues, and I honestly don’t give a shit,” Rollins says bluntly. “I only came to check on you because if something were to happen, and I would have ignored it and turned the other way, I would be devastated.” Seth stands back up, looming over Dominik’s form. “Just… stay safe, okay?”
Dominik gives his fellow wrestler a small nod before watching him walk away. He tries not to feel too bad about the blatant lie because as long as he marks his skin, he’s never safe. But he has been hurting himself for over ten years now; how can he possibly stop when that’s all that is keeping him together?
_
“Where have you been?” Finn asks as soon as Dominik enters their dressing room.
Dominik shrugs, looking at the ground. “I’m sorry. I just… I was ashamed that I lost. Didn’t want to disappoint you guys again. It’s just…” He feels a tear slide down his cheek. “I just feel like I hold all of you back.”
Rhea gasps before rushing to Dominik’s arms. “Listen here, Dominik,” she demands. “You are a vital member of The Judgement Day. Nothing, not even losing a match, is going to change that.”
Priest nods from behind her. “Yeah, Dom. We’re family. We stick with each other through both the wins and losses. There isn’t anything to be guilty about.”
Finn grits his teeth. “But Seth Rollins didn’t beat you, did he, Dom?”
Dominik looks at the Prince with confusion and a little bit of fear. “What do you mean?”
“You let him beat you. I saw you two. It was a quick exchange, subtle, but I know what I saw,” Finn declares.
Rhea scoffs, pulling Dominik closer into her embrace. “What the fuck are you talking about, Balor?”
“I’m talking about the fact that our dear Dom here let Seth Rollins win the match. I don’t know why, I don’t know what Rollins said; hell, this might have been preplanned.” Finn looks at Dominik now. “But I will not let you come in here, declaring yourself a victim, when you purposefully lost.”
Priest looks at both Finn and Dominik, confusion lacing his face. “I’m sure Dominik has a reasonable explanation.” Priest looks to Dominik for reassurance.
Dominik sighs, pulling away from Rhea’s grasp. “I’m going back to the hotel,” he says, sadness apparent.
Rhea startles. “Dom, honey, we have to talk about this.”
Dominik doesn’t respond as he leaves the room, closing the door behind him.
Rhea growls, facing Finn with fire in her eyes. “What is the matter with you?”
Finn stands strong. “I won’t let him lie to us. I feel like he’s been doing it a lot since he’s joined us, and I will not let it continue.”
Priest scoffs. “So what? Everyone lies.”
Finn shakes his head. “When someone like Dominik lies, you need to stop it from the start. To wait means it can fester.”
“Someone like Dominik? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Rhea demands, fists clenched.
“Someone who turns his back on his own family to gain power. Someone who cheats every match that he’s in. He's been flaunting that NXT championship when he wouldn’t even have it if it wasn’t for us,” Finn snaps.
Priest takes a step towards Finn. “What’s really bothering you? It can’t just be Dominik purposefully losing the match.”
Finn sighs but slouches against the closest wall anyway, closing his eyes. “We’re a family,” he begins. “Me, Rhea, you… Dominik. We fight for and with each other. When someone is down, we help them back up and beat the shit out of whatever that caused it. I love you vermons, even when you always team up against me.” Finn chuckles, wiping a tear away. “I don’t want Dom to ruin our family over a potentially impulsive decision. I don’t want to lose him.”
Rhea and Priest both look at each other. Finn always keeps his emotions tucked away, only coming out for split seconds. And here he is, pouring his emotions out like it’s the end of the world and he’s confessing to a priest; well, with Priest there, he might as well be.
“I think we need a group hug,” Rhea declares. “And then we need to find where our Dirty Dom has gone.”
Priest nods, already pulling Finn into his strong arms.
The trio stands there, together, as a family. Love and respect pours out from them all, but they can’t help but feel that something is missing… or someone.
_
Dominik doesn’t know how he ends up at this hotel room, but he does. Tears stream down his face as he knocks hesitantly against the door. He debates running before the door opens but he’s stuck in place. There is nowhere he can go. And then he hears movement, the sound of a lock being messed with, and the door is opened. Rey Mysterio, his father, stands in the doorway.
“Hey, Dad,” Dominik says, looking down at the man who raised him. He doesn’t bother hiding the tears for it’s nothing his father hasn’t seen before.
Rey sighs before widening the door for Dominik to enter.
Dominik walks to the chair in the corner and sits down, pulling his knees to his chest. He watches as his dad closes the door and sits at the end of the bed, facing him.
“What’s wrong?” Rey asks. Dominik is surprised by the concern in his father’s tone.
Dominik shrugs, biting his lip. “I messed up, Dad,” he whispers.
Rey nods. Hesitantly, he asks, “With Judgment Day?”
A sob escapes as Dominik buries his face into his knees. “I let Seth Rollins win the match because I’m stupid, and a coward, and I’m a failure.”
Rey immediately stands up and crouches in front of his son. “Dom, what’s going on? You’re worrying me, son.”
Dominik begins to cry harder. “I haven’t stopped Papá. I lied to them, and to you. I wasn’t okay. I’ve never been okay. All I wanted was to go home. I didn’t care about anything else. And you and Mamá wanted me to get better so bad. I couldn’t let you down.” Dominik hiccups, trying to suck in a deep breath. “I didn’t even last a month before I did it again.”
Dominik looks and sees tears in Rey’s eyes. “Mijo, no, no. My boy, you are okay. I am so sorry. I-” Rey engulfs his son into a hug, Dominik melting into the embrace. “You seemed so happy and yourself again when you got back. I just assumed that you were… fixed. I hate that now.” Rey sniffles, pulling Dominik closer. “I should have done more.”
Dominik shakes his head. “I’m sorry,” he says.
Rey shakes his head. “This isn’t on you. You were a child, and I failed you. Is that-” Realization seems to dawn on Rey. “Is that why Rollins gave you his shirt? And you let him win?”
Dominik nods. “They would have seen,” he whispers. “I can’t let them see.”
Rey sighs, kissing his son’s forehead. “My sweet boy. I have to… I can’t let you continue this.”
Dominik shakes his head. “No, no, Papá. Please. I still need it. I can’t.” Another sob breaks through the surface.
“I’m not letting you hurt yourself. We need to…” Rey sighs. “I’m going to call Rhea.”
Dominik sobs. “She can’t know.”
Rey presses another kiss to Dominik’s temple, pulling out his phone as he does. “I’m sorry, mijo. As much as it pains me, you chose them. You all became a family, and have a bond that I could only wish we shared. They need to know how to take care of you. It’s for the best.”
Dominik doesn't argue. He knows that he wouldn’t have been able to go much longer without The Judgement Day knowing, being they either find out or he does something that can never be taken back. He doesn’t want them to know, but maybe he needs them to.
_
Dominik jolts awake when he feels someone begin to rub his hand. He starts to panic before recognizing the beautiful face that stares back at him. Rhea.
“Oh Dom,” she whispers. It’s only then that Dominik realizes she has been crying.
Dominik sits up from the bed that his dad must have brought him to once he fell asleep due to his exhaustion from both the match of fists and the match of tears.
“I don’t understand how I didn’t notice,” she murmurs while eyeing Dominik as if he will blow away with one gust of wind. “All the signs were there, and I didn’t-”
Dominik takes her into his arms, soothing the most powerful woman he’s ever known. “I’m alright, Mami,” he whispers into her hair. “I am the one who should be apologizing.”
Rhea slaps him on the chest. “Never say that again,” she growls. “You are not to blame for this. I and your stupid brain need to have a conversation about keeping our Dominik protected. It has no right to-”
“Rhea?” Dominik says, suppressing a grin. “Are you seriously threatening my brain right now?”
She seems to think for a moment before nodding. “Yes, I am.”
Dominik can’t help but smile. “Thank you, Mami.”
“Come here you bastard,” Finn demands, storming into the room. “I can’t fucking believe this.”
Dominik freezes before being engulfed into a big Irish hug. He doesn’t resist as he rests his head on the crook of Finn’s neck.
“We are going to help you, you hear?” Finn declares. “No one in our family is allowed to struggle.”
“Some high expectations there, Finn,” Priest says from the chair that Dominik had previously been occupying. He looks at Dominik. “But he’s right, kid. We will do everything in our power to help you.”
Rhea nods. “We will help you. Wanna know how?”
Dominik smiles, admiring the three before him. “How?” he asks.
“Because nothing can defeat The Judgment Day.”