Chapter Text
Jongho knew how the others loved. It was clear. Yunho and Mingi had the relationship of a married couple who had never lost their spark even after years of being together. They had been together the longest and had settled into a routine of inside jokes and knowing glances. Wooyoung and San had the relationship of teenage first loves. It was the innocent, painless love that came without the knowledge of heartbreak. The playfulness of touching each other and never wanting to let each other go. Seonghwa and Hongjoong had the relationship of soulmates, completing each other and complementing each other. And he and Yeosang… Jongho didn’t know exactly what to call them. If Jongho was asked to describe Yeosang he would have first used the word “family” but that implied that his relationship with Yeosang was platonic. He would then settle on the word “home”. Yeosang was his home. It wasn’t a secret that there were times that Jongho could get tired of the others, sometimes leaving them to their own devices for movie nights after an entire day of Yunho and Wooyoung being loud, but it was never that way with Yeosang. Jongho could be watching a movie in his room and Yeosang could come in, open the door and get Jongho to move over to create space for him, no permission necessary.
Yeosang was Jongho’s first relationship, but he wasn’t Yeosang’s first. Jongho knew that he had entered the relationship with scars from his previous relationship and Jongho had the clumsiness of a first love that Yeosang found endearing. From the outside, maybe they were the two that made the least sense like the wallflowers left behind after everyone had paired up at a school dance. Everything was perfect. He had just never told Yeosang that he loved him. Jongho had thought about it. He’d tried, but the words felt leadened in his mouth when the opportunity arose to tell Yeosang, so he never said it. But Yeosang knew that he loved him.
They were doing an Idol Radio segment. Jongho always found it odd sitting across from Yunho and Hongjoong as they wore multiple hats of being hosts and ATEEZ members. It was a special Valentine’s Day segment which, despite them all being in relationships, seemed odd for individuals who were publicly single.
They each had a series of photos of the members and were playing a game of superlatives which was a game that they had previously played before in different forms.
“Okay, which member would be the best boyfriend?” Hongjoong asked.
They all paused for a moment and flipped through the cards, “Okay, six votes for Yunho, one for Yeosang, one for Seonghwa.” It was easy to play into Yunho’s boyfriend-material image, but nevertheless, Yunho blushed under the compliments.
“Okay, who would be the most romantic?” Hongjoong asked.
There was nearly a three-way split between Seonghwa, Yunho, and Mingi.
They went through a few more questions before they got to the final one.
“Who would be the worst boyfriend?” Yunho’s eyes flickered over to Hongjoong after he read the question aloud. The producers had slipped that one in and now that Yunho had read it they were pushed to answer it.
There seemed to be a mix of unease among some of the members while others took it in stride. Jongho picked Hongjoong simply for the reason that Hongjoong didn’t have much free time to spare. “One, two, three,” Hongjoong counted down before they all flipped over their cards. Jongho’s heart sank as he saw his own image reflected among the members.
“Okay six votes for Jongho, one for Hongjoong, and one for Wooyoung,” Yunho said, “Jongho, why did you pick Hongjoong?”
“He’s busy with the producing side of things, Idol Radio, being a leader, I guess he would have the least time for a relationship,” Jongho said. He hazarded a glance to Hongjoong who was fake pouting and Seonghwa who smiled in mild amusement.
“Yeosang, why did you choose me?” Wooyoung asked.
“I could not imagine being in a relationship with you, ever,” Yeosang said with his trademark sarcasm that came along with the exasperation of eight years of friendship.
“Wooyoung, why did you pick Jongho?” Hongjoong asked.
“He’s the least romantic person I’ve ever met. I don’t think he could say ‘I love you’,” Wooyoung said. The tone of the conversation shifted. Yunho and Hongjoong went into salvage mode. Wooyoung had said it as a joke, there was a biting tone that was different from what Jongho and Yeosang had said.
Hongjoong changed his card, “I’m switching to Wooyoung, he’s too blunt to be in a relationship.” His tone was still measuredly playful, but the warning was clearly there.
“Okay, we have a couple of questions from fans,” Yunho said. They continued to segue through some of the fan questions
“Yeosang, here’s a question for you, what do you look for in a relationship?” Hongjoong asked.
Yeosang cocked his head for a moment while he pondered his response, “Someone who never makes me question how they feel about me or our relationship.” Jongho felt like it would have been more merciful if Yeosang had just punched him in his stomach. How could he not be questioning his relationship if his boyfriend couldn’t even tell him that he loved him.
Jongho was aware of Yeosang’s wary gaze that kept flickering over to him throughout the rest of the interview. He knew that he wasn’t the most vocal in his affection for his friends and family, but he showed it in different ways, but the only way that Wooyoung would know that was if Yeosang told him.
The show wrapped up but there was a tension in the group members afterwards.
“It was just a joke,” Hongjoong said, but that didn’t mean Jongho’s feelings weren’t hurt.
“I know,” Jongho said, but it seemed like there were kernels of truth in the joke and what Yeosang had said afterwards. It didn’t escape anyone that Jongho chose to sit next to Mingi on the ride back to the dorm after taping.
Jongho and Yeosang were quiet throughout dinner. There was the lingering understanding that they would need to have a conversation afterwards just between the two of them about what happened at the radio show, but in the meantime they moved on. In general the rule was not to interfere in the other relationships. Jongho knew that unless their relationship started to impact the group dynamics or performance, Hongjoong wouldn’t meddle.
“Wooyoung’s washing the dishes later,” Hongjoong said.
Wooyoung grinned, “I love it when you order me around.”
Yeosang and San rolled their eyes in playful amusement, knowing it was both a punishment for his earlier comments and a way to give Yeosang and Jongho some space to talk.
They headed to their room and Jongho lay back on the bed. “It was a stupid question to ask and it was really unfair for them to pile onto you like that,” Yeosang said as he lay on Jongho’s arm and curled into his shoulder.
“Yeah,” Jongho agreed. He turned over and looked at Yeosang’s face, examining his delicate features that were marred with worry. He gently rolled over and traced the outline of his face, “Sometimes, I feel like I’m not enough for you,” Jongho whispered, “You’ve been in relationships before, and I haven’t.”
“Yeah, but those relationships didn’t work out,” Yeosang said, “And I’ve never loved them the way that I love you.”
Jongho swallowed thickly. He knew Yeosang’s words were meant to comfort and he knew that Yeosang meant them but hearing those three words out loud that he himself couldn’t tell Yeosang was like a gut punch.
He rolled over and kissed Yeosang deeply, hoping that he could express all his feelings for Yeosang into that kiss. In the back of his mind, though, he couldn’t help but wonder if he was making Yeosang insecure in their relationship.