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No one knows how they started this mess. This mess where they fuck each other at every opportunity they can. Where they cuddle and feel the searing heat of each other’s bodies. Where they whisper “I love you" to each other, and Wonwoo pretends it means something different than what it has always meant.
No one.
No one except Wonwoo. And it’s a secret he wishes to carry with him until his last moments with Mingyu.
He was twenty then, a sophomore in university.
“I can’t fucking believe it!” Wonwoo is seething with anger right now, pacing around the living room and making it very apparent that he is, in fact, very angry. “I’m so angry right now, Soonyoung. You don’t even know.”
“Wonwoo-yah, I already said I’m sorry,” Soonyoung says, pouting his lips and kneeling at the carpet with hands on his lap. “I already promised Jihoon. I swear I wouldn’t have said yes if his roommate didn’t ditch him!”
“ You made a promise to me first!” He says pointedly. “We promised each other we’d be rooming for our entire college years, Soonyoung! Does our friendship mean so little to you?”
Soonyoung’s face shoots up. “It means a lot to me! I just—I didn’t know what to do… Jihoon looked devastated and he was so sad, I couldn’t—I didn’t know how to say no.”
Wonwoo pauses for a moment to really take in the case presented before him. If anything, perhaps he should have expected it the moment Soonyoung began raving about this cool new friend he made at dance class. Who he started eating every lunch with, and hanging out at every opportunity, and who Soonyoung invites to their small little apartment every week.
This Jihoon is a great guy in all honesty. Wonwoo would even go at great lengths and call him a friend. But it’s becoming very hard to be rational right now when Soonyoung looks so willing to throw thirteen years of friendship down the drain for a silly crush.
“So you decided to break off your promise with me instead?”
“Because I thought you would understand!” Soonyoung screams.
“Maybe I would’ve if you discussed it with me first!” Wonwoo screams back.
“I already told you I didn’t have time to do that! He wanted to move in as soon as possible!”
Breathing a loud and excruciating sigh, Wonwoo drops himself on their dilapidated couch. It’s hard on his back and very uncomfortable. Ratty fabric and loose threads aside, he composes himself. “I’m tired of your excuses, Kwon Soonyoung. Just elope with him already, so I can rot in here with debt after my best friend ditched me.”
Soonyoung motions to hug him from behind the couch, and Wonwoo sharply crosses his arms. “Wonwoo, don’t be like this—”
“Of thirteen years! My best friend of thirteen years, ditching me for some puppy love—”
“It’s not puppy love…” Soonyoung tightens his arms around him, squishing their cheeks together in some awkward form of skinship apology, which Soonyoung knows Wonwoo is secretly very weak for. “I really do like him. I like him a lot. He pretends to hate it, but he tolerates me and takes care of me, and I want to do the same for him.”
Wonwoo stays quiet for the benefit of his own sanity.
“I’m not abandoning you, you know. I’m just moving somewhere with someone else. You’re still my best friend, Jeon Wonwoo. You can’t get rid of me, not even when we’re old and balding and our balls are sagging—”
“All right, all right. I get the mental picture you want to show,” Wonwoo says. Soonyoung is still very smelly from dance practice, but Wonwoo likes him just like this. “I do like him for you, you know that. But… I’m not the best with strangers. I don’t know how to warm up with someone, much less make friends…” He lowers his gaze, staring at his feet and faded pajamas. He whispers his next words hoping Soonyoung wouldn’t hear them and still understand him. “How am I supposed to find a roommate?”
Immediately, Soonyoung loosens their hug. He rounds the couch to sit beside him and places their two heads together like Magnemite. He used to say it’ll bring their brain cells together for exponential thinking power.
“Oh, is that what you’re worried about, Wonwoo-yah? I can always help you find another roommate. Make sure they’re nice and clean, and not smelly and dirty like me.”
“You’re not dirty,” Wonwoo counters.
“Come on, we’re putting our heads together.” Soonyoung rubs their heads in thought.
In hindsight, it’s clear Wonwoo was just anxious about leaving his comfort zone. Meeting someone else, befriending them, living with them for possibly months and years require social skills which he worries he might not have.
Clean and kind, these are things Wonwoo wants from a roommate. But more than that he wants someone he can be friends with, someone he can be comfortable enough to be himself, like he can be with Soonyoung.
“Will you really help me?”
“Of course, it’s the least I can do for my house cat who doesn’t go outside his litter box.”
“I’m not a house cat.”
“And I’m not a tiger,” Soonyoung says. Wonwoo holds the remark in his tongue.
Thinking pensively, Soonyoung jolts upright with a shout as a thought hits him. In his classic fashion, he walks around the room laughing and giggling to himself before sharing this epiphany. “Wonwoo… what do you want in a roommate again?”
Meeting Mingyu was a mistake, Wonwoo soon realizes.
“Um, Mingyu? Kim Mingyu?” Wonwoo glances at the paper in his hand. An address written messily by Soonyoung. “Am I in the right apartment?”
The man in front of him can’t possibly be Kim Mingyu. That’s right. Everything has to be an elaborate joke by Soonyoung to somehow get laid. The apartment building sits nicely at the city’s busy district, where food and rent prices cost their weight in gold. Even now, he stares a little stupidly at the confused head of bed hair that greets him.
This man cannot be real.
“I’m so sorry,” Wonwoo quickly says when the man doesn’t reply. It takes everything in him not to look down at his shirtless body. “My best friend gave me this address. I was supposed to move in today, and I got lost along the way. The number he gave me isn’t working and it’s three am, and you were probably sleeping—I’m so sorry for disturbing you, let me just take my leave—”
“Jeon Wonwoo?”
He pauses at his rambling at the mention of his name. He fixes his drooping glasses as he takes a big gulp of air. “Yes?”
The man in front of him grins widely as he opens the door fully. “I was expecting you today!” He extends a hand. “Soonyoung-hyung told me you’ll be rooming with me, but didn’t give any information about you. Just said a Jeon Wonwoo is coming by this week.”
Wonwoo reaches for the hand and stumbles clumsily when Mingyu pulls him into a hug. It’s too tight and too warm. Too much muscle and skin enveloping his body all at once. He hopes Mingyu doesn’t notice the blush on his cheeks at least.
When Mingyu pulls apart, the grin on his face beams at Wonwoo. “I’m Mingyu—Kim Mingyu.”
“Wonwoo—Jeon Wonwoo,” Wonwoo says and belatedly realizes he’s already introduced himself.
“I’ll tour you around the apartment,” Mingyu says, motioning for him to enter. When the door clicks, Mingyu bends down to pick up his two suitcases. His biceps flex a little too hard. “Oh, and I’ll carry those for you.”
Wonwoo tries to move past Mingyu. It’s just rude of him to let his roommate carry things for him, and he would never forgive himself if Mingyu thinks even slightly that he’s the lazy kind of roommate to be around.
“No, no! Please, let me carry it myself,” he says.
Mingyu merely walks past him. “It’s alright I already got it!”
With no choices left, Wonwoo begrudgingly follows.
There’s only one thought going around Mingyu’s mind as they go around the house: how could a student afford all of this? There are two bedrooms with built-in cabinets. Furnitures like a couch and kitchen storage. A kitchen with well equipped Samsung appliances. Wow, he already knows he will never touch those in fear of ruining them. Would his allowance be enough to cover them? And here’s the catch… one bath with a bathtub! Who has a bathtub for student lodging?
This Mingyu guy, he’s loaded. Loaded and too fucking cute with a blood-curdling smile everytime he so much as stares at Wonwoo.
He will melt faster than ice caps at this point.
But he digresses.
It’s a two bedroom apartment with only one bed. Wonwoo did not prepare enough for this. Once they’ve returned to the living room, he stands awkwardly waiting for Mingyu to bid his goodbye like any normal human being and go back to sleep.
But Mingyu, in all his niceness at this time of the night, just has to be kind . He offers to help Wonwoo unpack, so they stand there at Wonwoo’s room, arranging his clothes in cabinets that still smell freshly like expensive wood. Or is that something he just made up?
It doesn’t matter! Wonwoo thinks as he’s gracelessly stuffing his underwear into some corner of the wardrobe without Mingyu seeing. He’d rather die right now, than let a stranger this good-looking see his wonderfully colorful assortment. It wasn’t his decision buying these, but definitely his own decision to keep.
They were comfortable!
He’s busy stacking his crumpled Tees when Mingyu suddenly gasps in surprise.
Wonwoo had no choice but to turn around.
“I forgot you don’t have a bed yet?”
His eyes widen in shock as well. The bed was in his phone checklist before moving out, he’s sure of that. But it’s not here and today’s the delivery date.
Wonwoo hurries to check his phone. He fumbles with it—almost dropping it—and to no one’s surprise, there’s a message informing him of a change in delivery day with it.
Truly the best of luck.
“Oh my god,” he says. “It’s delayed.”
“How will you sleep?”
It takes him ten seconds to reply. “I can sleep on the couch?”
“That’d be uncomfortable, hyung.”
“Well, it’s better than sleeping on the floor.”
Mingyu purses his lips in thought, hand rubbing at his chin. When he arrives at a conclusion, his eyes brighten and he speaks so excitedly that his lisp becomes more prominent. Wonwoo finds it endearing.
“Wait, you can sleep on my bed?”
From everything he’s learned about Mingyu in the last hour, he shouldn’t be surprised by what he hears—yet he is.
Wonwoo gestures for a no as he speaks. “No, I can’t do that, Mingyu. That’s too much.”
With a few strides Mingyu’s in front of him, grabbing his hand like a puppy. “It’s fine, hyung!” He says. “It’s big enough for the both of us. It’s no issue really.”
After a few back and forths, Wonwoo learns that Mingyu is, in fact, undeniably so persistent. He wouldn’t back down no matter how much Wonwoo disagrees, and it pains him even more that he actually wants to sleep on a mattress tonight.
It’s a combination of fatigue, exhaustion, and stress from days of packing his things, arranging the purchase of new furniture, and getting his things transferred in time that has Wonwoo eventually agreeing, albeit reluctantly so.
“Are you sure about this? I mean, I-I don’t want to impose or anything,” Wonwoo says. Perhaps honesty would be a better route.
But Mingyu beams at him again—all perfect teeth and his canines showing. Wonwoo’s heart definitely does not beat faster at that.
“It’s no worries, really,” Mingyu replies.
A few minutes later and they're sleeping on Mingyu’s bed. It’s a wonder that it fits both of them perfectly.
Wonwoo scoots himself close to the edge. Falling is a lot better than taking up Mingyu’s space even more, he reasons with himself as he tries not to think too hard about them sharing a comforter or how Mingyu’s warmth travels through the fabric and into his space.
There’s another thing he tries to ignore as he wills sleep to come sooner. Mingyu sleeps topless. His defined chest and arms are not good for Wonwoo’s health. It might be the object of his nightmares come sleep.
There’s a quiet lull to the room as their breathing evens out. It’s dim save for the lamp on Mingyu’s beside table. The white noise of faraway car horns and breezing wind feel unusually calming.
“I’m so glad to have you here, by the way,” Mingyu suddenly says. “I’m not very good at being alone.”
When Wonwoo turns around to glance at him, Mingyu’s already staring at him.
“Oh-uh, yeah, well, I’m—”
“Sorry, that’s too candid.” Mingyu laughs, almost at himself. “You don’t have to say anything.”
“No, I—sorry, I’m not very good with strangers.”
“I won’t be a stranger after tonight, hyung. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, that’s okay,” Wonwoo says. “I’m not good at being alone too. I get it. Sometimes we just get used to it. Doesn’t mean we like it.”
Mingyu smiles at him. He does that a lot, smiling at Wonwoo. “I forgot to ask. What are you majoring in?”
“Business,” he answers. For a bit he doesn’t know what to say, until he remembers he should volley questions back. “And you?”
“Management.”
It’s a lot less awkward like this. The air doesn’t feel still nor suffocating. Wonwoo can breathe easier.
“Soonyoung’s a lot better at me than this. Talking to people, I mean.”
“No, it’s fine. I feel at ease with you,” Mingyu says.
Wonwoo tries to hide his growing smile upon hearing that. It means something to him. “I think we should sleep soon.”
“Good night, hyung.”
“Good night, Mingyu.”
With that, Wonwoo turns on his side, sleeping with his back turned to Mingyu. It’s a failed attempt to not think too much about his new roommate.
It’s a quiet twenty minutes before he falls asleep.
Wonwoo wakes up before his alarm, which isn’t much considering his alarm’s set at 11 am.
His hand blindly reaches for his phone somewhere on the back of his pillow. It takes everything in him not to turn around, knowing fully well Mingyu is there.
It’s safe to say he’s shocked when he sees the time on his phone. 7:26am, it reads. Just great. He’s no longer sleepy and very much wide awake at 7 am. Who wakes up at this time?
He’s too aware of Mingyu’s presence behind him, and Wonwoo wants to be a good roommate. He scrolls through his phone for a good twenty minutes before he finds the courage to turn around. He’s rehearsed his line by then, a simple good morning and a short conversation to start the morning.
Very slowly, he stretches his arms stiffly with a practiced yawn as he turns around.
“Good morning,” he says, only to find that Mingyu is, as a matter of fact, not there.
Deflating, Wonwoo stares blankly at the empty space beside him. He pats at it, feeling the coldness of the sheets touch him back.
Okay, that’s another note for his mental checklist. Mingyu is a morning person.
It takes him a few more minutes to prepare an internal dialogue of when he comes out of the room and sees Mingyu.
When he exits the room, there’s no one there. It feels a little painful when the awkwardness is prolonged for this long. He’d rather just have it as soon as he wakes up so he can say he did his part of being an amicable roommate; but alas, Mingyu’s not in the living room as well.
There’s a quiet sizzle though, and the smell of bacon. Wonwoo rounds the corner to finally find Mingyu, who he’s had four conversations with already in his head. But none of what he’s prepared is set in the kitchen.
He waits exactly three minutes at the corner before he gathers the courage to show himself.
“Good morning,” he says as casually as possible as he walks to the kitchen pantry. He’s had the respect to pack himself a box of cereal before heading here, so he doesn’t have to eat Mingyu’s food. That’s just rude when they haven’t discussed sharing arrangements.
He wants nothing more than to facepalm himself when he realizes something though. He opens their fridge and to no one’s surprise, he doesn’t have milk.
“Good morning,” Mingyu replies, smiling at him endearingly that Wonwoo had no choice but to look at him. Thank god he’s wearing a shirt now.
Eyes darting around, he coincidentally sees Mingyu cooking. And listen, he’s not one to comment about people’s eating habits, but he can’t help but side eye the table when Mingyu’s plating two plates of food!
God, he should say something. Is that for him? But it would be rude to assume! What if Mingyu’s having a visitor? No, that’s too unnatural. Occam’s razor says something about… something about assumptions and explanations. So simple plus assumption—something about the simplest solution being the one that’s correct! So… is it for him?
The answer is handed to him though, thank luck.
“I made us breakfast,” Mingyu announces as he gestures for Wonwoo to sit. “I noticed you didn’t bring much food last night.”
“Oh, thank you so much,” Wonwoo says as he sits. Even their furniture feels expensive. “Sorry. I haven’t gotten groceries yet.”
“It’s no problem,” Mingyu says as they eat. “Do you have any allergies? Dislikes?”
“Just seafood. Anything else is fine.”
“Do you have any hobbies?”
On his first few bites, he can immediately tell Mingyu cooks. This is not the kind of food busy college students just whip up in a few minutes. The eggs are silky, not dry when he does the cooking at their old dorm. “This is so good, and I’m not just saying that because Soonyoung was my roommate before.”
“Thank you. I try.” Despite his initial demeanor. Mingyu could be shyer than he lets on. “So your hobbies?”
“I play games. Read sometimes.”
“That’s so cool. What games do you play?”
“Oh, do you play too?”
It catches Mingyu off guard. He shakes his head vehemently. “I could never.”
Wonwoo chuckles lightly. “And you? Any hobbies?”
“Cooking. Gym. And sports! I play basketball and other ball games. Planning to join the university team actually,” Mingyu says. He sounds so excited that it’s cute. “Sorry. I’m not bombarding you too much, am I?”
“No, it’s cool,” Wonwoo says. “It’s nice getting to know each other. Why’d you get a roommate though by the way? I mean,” he gestures around them. “An apartment this big right where we live could get you a solo room somewhere else. Bigger too. And I doubt the rent I’m paying covers even half of the monthly rent here.”
Mingyu nods as he listens, then casts his eyes down as if ashamed. “I wanted a roommate actually.”
“For what?”
“Well. I mentioned it last night. It’s pretty lonely here, and I know others would say I should try living alone first, but I don’t think I have to try it to know I don’t want it.”
“I’m sorry, did Soonyoung say something about me being outgoing? Because I don’t want to make you assume or anything—”
“It’s okay, it’s okay, hyung. I’m not expecting you to talk at every time of the day. Just having a roommate is fun.”
“You’re not evicting me suddenly when I’m no longer fun, are you?” Wonwoo jokes. It’s funny watching Mingyu scramble to apologize. “I’m kidding. I hope I can be good company then.”
Mingyu grins at him. “You already are.”
Mingyu is an extrovert. It’s quite the only explanation for how easily he eases into Wonwoo’s life.
They had developed a routine in their first few weeks living together.
He tends to stay up late playing games and working on his studies. And Mingyu, nice and attentive as he is, wakes him up just before he leaves for his morning classes. It leaves Wonwoo enough time to catch his earliest class at 11 am.
There’s breakfast ready for him by then, and he feels bad about Mingyu cooking for the both of them that he takes care of dinner every night. It’s mostly take out. Sometimes he cooks when the stars align, but take out fried chicken sounds like heaven’s bells for hungry and growing college students.
It helps that they more or less had the same circle of friends too. So they meet with the rest for lunch at times on campus grounds.
Nights sleeping on the same bed aren’t as awkward as he had assumed it would be. In fact, it’s a lot more peaceful than he imagined.
The distance between their bodies grows closer every night, and Wonwoo always wakes up feeling a little warmer than usual. On weekends, when Mingyu sleeps as late as him, he wakes up with an arm wrapped around his waist.
He closes his eyes again when it happens. Sleep is a lot more comfortable the second time around.
Mingyu, in more ways than one, manages to ground Wonwoo plenty of times.
“Hyung?” comes the voice from the door.
Wonwoo removes his headset, twisting around his computer chair to find Mingyu walking closer to him. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”
His desk and computer were set up in his room. It looks a lot more like an office without the bed. It hasn’t arrived yet, something about getting lost in the customs office. He holds off commenting about it being ordered from a local company and asking why it’s stuck in customs. He could wait a few more weeks.
“No, no. I woke up and you weren’t there. Aren’t you sleeping yet? It’s 4 am,” Mingyu says, his voice thick with sleep. It’s adorable.
It didn’t feel like 4 am yet, though when he glances at his phone. It’s indeed 4:26 am. An hour and a few minutes left before sunrise.
“I’ll be there soon. Just finishing this game,” he says as he turns back to his computer, unpausing the game. He doesn’t wear his headset this time though.
Mingyu squats on the floor, propping his chin on the table to watch the game. “I’ll wait for you.”
Wonwoo peeks at the scores. It’s tied. It could take ten rounds more before the game finishes. Or they could win consecutively and finish it in five.
“This might take a while, Mingyu. I’ll be there soon, I promise. This would be my last game.”
“It’s okay. I can wait,” Mingyu says. “Is your character a giant gorilla?”
“Just a regular gorilla, I think.”
“It looks cool.”
“Don’t you have classes tomorrow?”
“It’s canceled.”
Wonwoo doesn’t hear his teammates speaking anymore. Just the click of his mouse and Mingyu’s shallow breathing. It calms him anyway.
Perhaps it’s luck. Perhaps it’s fate. Perhaps it’s just skill. It doesn’t matter. The game finishes in less than ten minutes with consecutive victories on their side.
But he does feel guilty when he sees Mingyu sleeping on his desk, no doubt in an uncomfortable position.
In moments like these, Mingyu grounds him. When he makes sure Wonwoo eats enough vegetables for breakfast and not the easy-cook processed food. When he makes sure Wonwoo sleeps enough and doesn’t stay up too late, whether to play games or to study. When he accompanies him, every moment feels more peaceful and comfortable than when he’s alone.
He shuts down his computer after that.
“Mingyu,” Wonwoo says, shaking Mingyu’s sleeping form.
Mingyu wakes up with a jolt, eyes finding him. “Is your game over?”
“Yeah.” Wonwoo brings an arm to help him walk to their room.
Mingyu hums. “Did you win?”
“Yeah,” Wonwoo chuckles. When he looks beside him, Mingyu’s eyes are closed even as they’re walking. “We won.”
“The giant gorilla won.”
“Mingyu.” Wonwoo shakes him again. “Mingyu, wake up.”
Mingyu stirs from where he’d fallen asleep on Wonwoo’s lap. He blinks a few times, just staring at Wonwoo. Then he jolts suddenly, bolting upright to look at the black screen of their television.
“Is the movie over?” Mingyu sounds panicked.
“You fell asleep halfway through.”
“Hyung, why didn’t you wake me?” Mingyu says. His hair is messy and kempt at the same time. He’s due for a haircut, Wonwoo thinks, but this length suits him too.
“We can watch it another time.”
“But you’d already watched it,” Mingyu pouts at him.
Mingyu was the one who proposed to watch it together after all. If Wonwoo doesn’t know any better, he might get upset. But Mingyu’s been pulling consecutive all nighters the past few days, even on weekends. Even now, he accompanies Wonwoo to watch the new Marvel movie because Soonyoung’s busy. Jihoon already watched it. And he’s too shy to ask anyone else. Somehow, Mingyu knows him.
He appreciates it, truly he does. But he also wants Mingyu to get some sleep.
Wonwoo flicks his forehead. “I paused it when you fell asleep.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“Let’s get you to bed. We have classes tomorrow.”
It’s the weather that Wonwoo blames for this looming dreariness that seems to never leave his mind. Like clouds over his head, they stay as he spends most of the day laying in bed on his phone.
He’s scrolling mindlessly, switching apps every now and then. He doesn’t even have the energy or capacity to play a game. Too stressful and too tiring.
The bed is where he finds comfort. So in bed he spends his weekend.
His phone tells him it’s a little past 7, though it might as well be over midnight. It surely wouldn’t make much of a difference. The sun has set. It used to be bright just a few minutes ago. It’s a wonder how quickly the sky darkens during long days.
It’s been raining a lot lately. At least it’s what he blames for his mood. It’s times like these where he wants nothing but to succumb in his own mind, or distract it momentarily before another distraction comes to whisk his attention away.
He’s busy reading some interesting posts when the door creaks open.
“I’m home,” Mingyu says. To which Wonwoo just hums in return.
Within a few seconds his phone is snatched away, and Mingyu’s frowning face greets him.
“You didn’t leave the bed, did you?” Mingyu accuses. Wonwoo has half the mind to just lie, but he’s not a good liar. It’d be too obvious. It’s always worse to be caught lying than to simply admit an ugly fact.
“Give me my phone, Mingyu.”
“Have you had dinner?”
“No. Give me my—”
“Great!” Mingyu beams, hiding the phone in his back pocket. “Get dinner with me.”
“Mingyu,” he says sternly. “Just give me my phone. I’m not hungry.”
He sees how hesitation colors Mingyu, but then he sits beside him on the bed, ruffles his hair in an attempt to fix his messy bedhead, and pokes at his cheek.
“Is everything okay?” Mingyu says. His voice is gentle and soft, the kind of tone reserved for children. But Wonwoo is not a child.
He’s twenty already. No dreams and no uncertainty in life, but his age demands that he act as people expect of him. To be treated with gentleness is not what he expects. His eyes widen, mouth parting as he stammers on his own words, not knowing what to say.
He settles for honesty. Mingyu is honest. He can reciprocate that at the very least.
“I fought with my dad.” He lets the words hang in the air. It’s less suffocating, he thinks, to release the shackle of his own mind into the safety of their room where it can’t hurt nor haunt him. Not while Mingyu is here, combing through his hair.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Mingyu asks.
Wonwoo stares at him, really stares at him. He likes to think he can feel truthfulness in people, and so he allows himself to get lost in those eyes. Warm like the caress of a soothing meal in the cold of winter. Honest like the heart of a child who’s yet to build tall walls between him and everyone else.
He swallows a lump in his throat. “I want ramen.”
Mingyu shines a hopeful smile at him. “Let’s get you ramen,” he says as he holds onto Wonwoo’s left hand, guiding him into his shoes and into the cold breeze of an August night.
Mingyu takes him into a hole in the wall family-owned restaurant a few minutes from their apartment. Their ramen is delicious, and the auntie gives them extra kimbap when he hears Mingyu compliment their cooking.
By the time they finish their food, the sinking feeling in his chest has grown lighter. He can breathe easily, and the cold doesn’t feel so daunting anymore.
There’s a few things that plague his head as they walk back into their unit. One is that Mingyu’s hands are so warm. He hopes they never had to part. Another is that Mingyu's loudness never really felt like a burden for him to speak. That he can nod and smile and it’s enough. It’s enough that he’s there. The last one pinches at his heart when he thinks about it too hard. Wonwoo knows what it is, but it takes courage he doesn’t have to admit it even to himself.
He doesn’t know what it is, but everything changes after that. In the subtle ways that Mingyu comes creeping in his life.
“Wait, where are we going?” Wonwoo asks, suddenly stopping in the middle of campus grounds.
People are pouring out of the buildings just in time for lunch.
Soonyoung and Jihoon halt a few steps in front of him, turning around and giving him a strange look. It’s been a routine for them to eat out every after shared class, which isn’t much. Just once a week every Thursday.
“Find somewhere to eat, duh. Seungkwan sent me a recommendation the other day.” Soonyoung says. He’s been making it a point to include Wonwoo in his dates with Jihoon. No one ever actually calls it dates, but Wonwoo knows otherwise. They treat him every once in a while at least.
“Why not at the cafeteria?”
“Their food sucks,” Jihoon quickly says.
Soonyoung nods repeatedly, hand snaking around Jihoon’s shoulder to pull him closer. “And it’s overpriced.”
Wonwoo motions at his backpack. “Oh, but I brought packed lunch with me. I don’t know if others allow outside food?”
“You cooked food? Actual food?”
“Wow, my Wonwoo’s becoming an adult!”
He hears the two sentences at once, and after a long morning three-hour lecture, he just doesn’t have the capacity to discern who said what. So he pushes himself between them, pulling at their arms, suddenly too conscious of the attention of other students staring too openly at them.
“No, Mingyu prepared them for me,” he weakly mutters over his breath, half-wishing they won’t hear.
But alas, Soonyoung has the ears of a tiger, or so he claims. He tugs at his arm, causing Wonwoo to stop.
“Your hot roommate? The one you’re crushing over?”
Wonwoo all but jumps to cover Soonyoung’s mouth, narrowing his eyes as he threatens him. “I’m gonna fucking kill you, will you shut the fuck up!” He’s blushing profusely at this point, and he makes it a point to avoid Jihoon’s judgemental stare at him.
“You have a crush on Mingyu? The six-foot pole?”
“I do not!”
Soonyoung licks at his hand, and Wonwoo recoils in disgust. “Ew!”
“He does!”
He pins Soonyoung with a stare again. It must be more effective this time because he looked scared for a second before he covers his mouth with both hands.
Sighing, Wonwoo can only gaze downward in shame. He should’ve kept quiet. It sounds a hundred times more suspicious when he’s defensive.
He raises his head when he hears light laughter coming from Jihoon. “Why are you embarrassed about it? It’s okay.”
“You’re not judging me about it?”
“I didn’t say that.”
It pulls a laugh out of Wonwoo. “He’s nice to me. And caring. And sweet. Uh, he probably doesn’t like me like that,” he says. He tries not to sound too hopelessly romantic. “Will you keep it a secret?”
Jihoon seems to be holding back something. Perhaps the cold hard truth. Wonwoo will never know. Jihoon raises a finger at Soonyoung instead though. “Did you hear that? It’s a secret. Don’t ever tell anyone, especially Seungkwan and Seokmin.”
Soonyoung motions to zip at his lips. “Copy.”
When Jihoon turns to him again, his eyes are a lot softer. “So… the cafeteria? You can enjoy your packed lunch while we pay gold for shitty food.”
As thanks, Wonwoo shares half of his food with them.
Soonyoung and Jihoon might tolerate his shit most of the time, but they’re right about three things though. Cafeteria food sucks. It’s overpriced. And Wonwoo may or may not be hiding a secret from Mingyu.
Wonwoo doesn’t consider himself as mature as people paint him to be. It’s a stereotype, he thinks, when his friends associate his quietude with maturity. Like the seconds of silence somehow means he deals with problems with more thought than an average person.
No. It’s never like that. He just doesn’t know what to say at times. Soonyoung’s always been the one who’s better at words between the two of them.
He arrives home mid-afternoon, their apartment empty save for the rattle of his key. It’s a friday. The campus grounds began emptying some two days ago with everyone leaving for the midterm break.
Mingyu arrives shortly after, greets him with a smile, and goes on to pack his things too.
Wonwoo doesn’t really know what to do. He sits there on their living room couch, sweater pulled to cover his fingers, feet propped up as he hugs his knees.
It’s when Mingyu’s tying his shoes that his feet gravitate towards the door. He stands awkwardly beside their shoe rack, not sure whether to bid him goodbye or stand still as the only opportunity passes before him.
“Are you going home?” he asks, eyes glued to Mingyu’s duffle bag.
“Just going back to my parents’ house,” Mingyu replies.
Wonwoo reads between the lines anyway. He can’t remember when their apartment started feeling like a home, just that when he wants to seek comfort, it's this place they’ve made that he chooses to seek. He’s glad Mingyu thinks the same.
But he stands there, idling on his feet like the little child he is. People seem to think children are immature as if age begets wisdom, and wisdom begets maturity. No. Children are a lot more aware of their emotions and thoughts. It’s this ability to communicate it properly that they lack. It’s one thing to know your inner desires—what you want and what hurts.
Wonwoo knows he wants Mingyu to stay. He knows it hurts seeing him pack, knowing he’ll be alone for the rest of their break.
And it’s another skill to communicate that.
Seconds feel like minutes and hours as he watches Mingyu finish his rituals. He pockets his car keys, whose sound mocks Wonwoo. A reminder of what he cannot say. He puts on his cap, and he finally carries his bag.
“When are you coming back?” is the only manifestation of his thoughts that Wonwoo manages to push out.
“Saturday next week,” Mingyu says curtly.
He smiles again at Wonwoo, and with a final hug goodbye he’s out the door.
He rarely cries. For people like Soonyoung it feels natural like the emotion that it is, but for Wonwoo it’s like clawing out a dark hidden emotion that rots his inside.
The tears fall before he understands what’s happening.
A good ten minutes pass in the silence of their home when the door clicks open.
He hurries to glance at it, half-worried a thief might come.
It catches him entirely by surprise when Mingyu enters, face flushed and hair messy as if he had run. The door clicks behind him.
“Did you leave anything behind?” Wonwoo asks.
“Are you okay?”
Wonwoo nods, and he attempts to quickly wipe his eyes.
Mingyu stares concerned at him anyway. “Were you crying?”
He gives a tight smile, more convincing than he expected himself to be while caught crying.
Mingyu drops his bag, pulls out his car keys to hang in their key rack, and steps out of his shoes. He wipes Wonwoo’s tears for him. “Just… you sounded off earlier and I thought… did you want to say anything? You can say it, you know. I’ll never know if you don’t say it.”
He hiccups a few times as he tries to compose himself. “Sorry, I—”
“Hyung,” Mingyu says. Wonwoo feels like a child. “You have nothing to apologize for. Can you tell me what it is?”
He swallows thickly, chest sinking when the thoughts finally catch up to him. “I think they only miss me when I’m away. My parents. When I stay there I don’t even know where to put myself. I don’t… I don’t want to go back there.”
Seconds blur to minutes again. This time he cries it all out until his eyes are red and swollen. Mingyu soothes him through it all.
“I’ll stay here with you,” Mingyu says as they sit back on their couch.
“But your family.” Wonwoo hiccups again.
“I see them every other week. It’s fine.” Mingyu pulls out his phone. “See. Already texted them. It’s fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
Wonwoo breathes out easily after that. There’s something comforting in the air of their home when Mingyu’s here with him.
“I think we can watch that movie we didn’t finish last time,” Mingyu announces. His smile is contagious. Wonwoo smiles too.
“Can we order ramen? I don’t want to go out.”
“Of course, let’s get some chicken too.”
It makes him believe everything will be okay.
He closes their apartment’s door with a cautiousness he hasn’t had to carry since his last fight with his parents, where everything that should go right went haywire wrong.
He was sixteen then. He’s twenty now and he’s counting down to ten to calm his nerves before he enters their living room where Mingyu would be sitting.
Every breath becomes a count. He waits until courage feels a little easier to reach, and then he’s walking into the open light of their home.
Sitting on the couch, arms resting on his knees, Mingyu’s eyes are fixed on the television that’s playing some replay of a game Wonwoo knows of course. They’d watched it before. A comfort show if anything.
There’s a bruise on top of his left brow. A small cut with blackened dried blood. Other than that there seems to be no other injuries, just reddened skin on his neck and fist. He breathes out a sigh of relief.
Wonwoo shuffles more in his place. Socked feet rubbing on expensive wooden floorings as he approaches Mingyu. He sits down on the couch with a quiet noise of rubbing clothes.
It’s difficult talking about things people would rather avoid instead. Right now it’s what’s screaming in Wonwoo’s mind too—to just run away and move around each other until Mingyu feels better enough to tell him.
But if Wonwoo knows anything about Mingyu, it’s that he’ll burst if he doesn’t confide in anyone. Between their homely apartment and the ache in his heart at seeing Mingyu hurting, he decides against his instincts.
"I heard about what happened."
The first thing he sees is hurt in Mingyu’s eyes. The slight tense on his shoulders as he fixes his eyes on the television. The wobble of his lips. That nonchalant expression he gives when he pretends to be uncaring when his heart has always been warm for everyone around him.
Tough on the outside. That’s what Mingyu pretends to be, and Wonwoo knows him too well to feel him cracking on his exterior.
Mingyu looks at him after seconds of silence. "Who told you?"
“Soonyoung. He, uh, told me you fought with your teammates. I heard it got physical,” Wonwoo says. “Were you hurt?”
“I’m fine really.” He pretends to be dismissive. It sounds like a failed attempt instead. “It’s nothing. Nothing important.”
“Mingyu.”
“It’s fine. Really, it’s fine.” He pulls at his hair. Frustrated. “I’m selfish and arrogant, and this is what I get for bumping heads with them.”
“Come on, you know that’s not true.”
“Do I?” Mingyu looks at him. “Because it seems everything I do, they take badly.”
“You can always ignore them—”
"They’re part of the team, and they’re seniors. How can I ignore that? How can I ignore that they hate me now. Uh, I’m so stupid. I should’ve known better." Wonwoo hears nothing but the helplessness and defeat that doesn't suit him.
“They were provoking you, and teasing you, and it’s not your fault they’re doing too much of it. Whatever you did, you’d be the bad guy in their eyes. Doesn’t it matter more what you think of yourself?”
Mingyu chuckles. Sarcastic. "But it doesn't matter what I think. It doesn't matter as much as I think it matters."
There’s a moment of silence where the only sounds they can hear are their hasting breaths. It’s so loud. He breathes out. "Do you want to know what I think?"
Mingyu nods. Barely there.
“It’s not fair. It’s not fair that they get to play victims when you’re out here all alone, beating yourself up for fighting back when they’ve been provoking you since you entered the team. And everyone else who believes them are just as awful and rotten as them. They’ll never even hear your side yet they’re making assumptions about who you are. And you take it and you take it because…” He holds off tears when Mingyu looks at him. His eyes glisten with his. "Because you're kind, and caring, and sweet, and you take care of the people around you more than you do yourself. Come on, it’s hurting me to see you down when you should be happy and smiling."
Wonwoo watches how the words sink to Mingyu. He’s speechless, mouth gaping. Wonwoo feels embarrassment rushing to him at once for going off like that. He has half the mind to take back his words, but he means it. Everything he said he means it.
Mingyu thumbs a fallen tear out of his cheek. “Why are you crying for me?”
“Because…” he hiccups. “Because it’s not fair for you.”
“Hyung…” Mingyu stares at him so deep and sincere. Wonwoo is getting lost in those eyes, as glossy and wet as his own. He wants to see him smile again, with the canines out and his skin glistening.
Mingyu kisses his cheek. “You’re too sweet. What would I do without you?”
Wonwoo grumbles. “Find another roommate maybe.”
“I can. But they won’t be you.”
“Stop changing the subject!” He pinches at Mingyu’s cheek. “Just! Stop feeling bad about yourself! It’s their fault and if anyone should apologize it’s them!”
“Okay, okay,” Mingyu laughs.
“I’m gonna punch you if you don’t stop laughing,” he says. He means half of it. “See if it doesn’t make a bigger scar than that.”
“But my hyung’s crying for me.”
Wonwoo tackles him, pinning Mingyu on the couch, almost straddling him. He wills his tears not to fall anymore. But Mingyu pulls him down in a tight grip. Wonwoo feels all the warmth Mingyu has to give.
Their bodies tangle in the small couch, and Wonwoo could not be more glad to hear his laughter again.
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. You’re so cute,” Mingyu says through his grin. “Thank you. I mean it. Really.”
They stay cuddling for another hour before they eat dinner. No one really brings it up, not like Wonwoo had the courage to ask what it means anyway.
He’s been spending more and more time in the library the past few days. This night is not an exception.
It’s nearing 2am when he leaves campus. A few minutes of walking and he finds himself in front of their door, bag half open in the hallway as he fumbles for his keys. He could’ve sworn he stashed it somewhere in one of its pockets.
But he’d dug through his entire belongings and he couldn’t find it.
He struggles helplessly when he thinks of just calling Mingyu. No. It’s 2am. He’d be asleep. So he kneels on the floor for a few more minutes just rummaging through his bag.
He shouts unexpectedly when the door opens though, and from the darkness emerges Mingyu. His eyes half-closed.
“It’s late, hyung,” he says as if that explains enough.
Guilt is what he feels. Even more so when Mingyu helps him gather his things and return them messily to his bag.
“Sorry,” Wonwoo says.
He feels even more overwhelming guilt when he sees a blanket on their living room couch. Mingyu must’ve waited for him.
“I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have waited for me.”
“You left your keys,” Mingyu replies as if that’s reason enough, following Wonwoo in the kitchen.
Wonwoo pours himself a glass of water and pats Mingyu’s cheek when he’s near enough. “You can go to sleep now,” he says. “You shouldn’t stay up so late, Mingyu. It’s bad for your health.”
“Then why do you do it?”
“I just can’t sleep early.”
Their entire apartment is dark. A single lamp illuminates the kitchen from the living room. Without his glasses, he couldn’t see much. He searches blindly in their pantry for something to eat.
“You’re not sleeping yet?” Mingyu asks.
“Just getting myself a snack. You can go ahead.”
“I can wait for you.”
“It’s fine, Mingyu. Really.”
“It’s okay. I’m already awake anyway.”
He gives up halfway when he realizes they hadn’t stocked up on groceries as of late with the both of them busy.
“There’s something for you.”
“Where? Did Soonyoung send something—”
When he opens their fridge, his eyes widen at containers and containers of food. Rows are filled with prepared meals, it seems.
“Food from home,” Mingyu says from behind him. “Your mom sent them. There’s a note in there.”
Indeed, when he reaches the top-most container, a tub of kim chi, there’s a short handwritten note.
It’s short and simple. Just a simple wish for his studies. Nothing else. Why does it read like an apology then?
“Are you hungry?” Wonwoo asks.
Mingyu nods.
“Let’s eat some samgyetang,” he pulls it out. He hates how cold it’s gotten.
“Is something wrong?”
He thinks about it. “No. Nothing. I wish I could make my own kimchi.”
Wonwoo’s bed never arrives.
He’s tried calling the shipping company, the furniture company. Everything.
By the 6th try, he’d lost all hope already.
The refund was successful though, and for that he can buy a new bed.
But he never does it. When he complains to Mingyu about it, Mingyu just says they can sleep on the same bed. No issues there.
And the way he said it so naturally convinced him. He never repurchased a bed after that.
Wonwoo’s dizzy.
He can’t think straight and his body’s not moving. Not a single thought enters his brain as he stares shamelessly, body frozen at the door.
It had been a tiring day. Three exams at the peak of their finals. Caffeine courses through his body, senses heightened and dull at the same time. He had wanted nothing but to crash into their bed.
This is not what he expected at all.
His heart thrums at the thought of getting seen. If he moves back slowly, one step at a time, maybe he can pretend he wasn’t here at all. But the door will click when he closes it. It’ll be too obvious—
“Fuck,” Mingyu groans loudly, eyes closed. His hand moves deftly on his cock, too large—too massive than anything Wonwoo has seen physically. It draws his eyes like moths to a flame. His hands are pumping his cock fast, the slides are slick and the cockhead an angry red.
He can’t breathe.
The rational part of his mind knows he should leave. This would ruin everything between them, and he can’t have that. Not when he’s found the most perfect of roommates there is. Not when Mingyu has provided him with nothing but hospitality and an excellent friendship.
But his heart has stopped. He can’t move, eyes peering at Mingyu who's taking heavy breaths and panting as his climax nears. Or at least Wonwoo assumes.
He’s seen Mingyu’s chest a hundred times in the past—thought he’d be immune to it by now. But he’s not. He’s weak and he’s tired, and he can’t help the way he stares as Mingyu touches himself. One hand on his cock and another supporting his nape. His chest is glistening with sweat, the aircon turned off. The air so humid—
“Hyung!” Mingyu screams so loudly that Wonwoo swears his soul leaves his body.
When he finds Mingyu’s eyes, they’re already staring at him, shocked and flushed. So beautifully flushed. Gods, Wonwoo has engraved this scene into memory already.
He feels ashamed as he trips on his own legs, falling on his butt and hitting the door. It clicks as it closes.
His mind is a blur, muttering out apologies he doesn’t hear himself when Mingyu rushes to him, kneeling as he soothes Wonwoo’s cheek with gentle strokes.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Mingyu says. “Hyung, it’s okay. Look at me, breathe with me. Let’s go slow, okay?”
Wonwoo’s eyes are frozen, staring blankly into Mingyu as he stutters over his own words. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I swear I wasn’t—I didn’t mean to—I don’t know why I—”
It’s only when Mingyu clasps their hands together that Wonwoo notices he’s picking under his fingernails. With a few more even breaths, he finally comes to his own senses.
“Are you okay?” Mingyu asks him.
He’s naked, Wonwoo registers. Still feeling shocked, he eyes wander downwards, looking at Mingyu’s cock, heavy and red and swollen and leaking at the tip. He gulps unaware.
When his eyes wander back to Mingyu’s eyes, he reddens in shame. “I’m so sorry, I should’ve knocked!”
He covers his face but Mingyu stops him, interlaces their fingers on both hands, and smiles comfortingly at him. “It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m sorry. I… fuck, I don’t know what to say. I thought you said you’d come home later. That you’ll go out eat—”
“—with Soonyoung, yeah. He canceled on me.”
They stare awkwardly at each other. Mingyu doesn’t even look half ashamed as Wonwoo does. Instead, he looks like he always does. Kind and caring and naked.
“I…” Mingyu starts, biting at his lower lip. “We can forget this ever happened. I’m sorry, really. It’s my fault, hyung.” Wonwoo tries to speak when Mingyu silences him by drawing their faces closer. It’s effective. Wonwoo shuts up. When Mingyu speaks again, his tone is soft as if talking to a child. “No, no, don’t blame yourself, hyung. We can just, yeah, forget this ever happened?”
Yeah. Wonwoo absolutely cannot pretend this never happened, not when his mind has imprinted Mingyu’s figure in his head. Not when his own cock feels tight and strained in his pants. But he doesn’t know what to do, he’s never been in this position before.
Mingyu tries to stand up when Wonwoo pulls him by their intertwined hands. He almost stumbles on top of Wonwoo, their faces mere inches apart. “Wait,” he says. Whatever he says now he would blame it on the adrenaline and his stupidity. “I—I get it… you’re stressed and university’s been difficult and you want to let it out and you’re a healthy person and it’s normal and this is our space—but yours first—and I—”
“—hyung,” Mingyu suddenly says. “What are you saying?”
His heart is beating so loud it’s deafening in his ears. “I’m saying I can help you.”
He sees the exact moment Mingyu’s face hardens.
“You don’t know what you’re asking,” Mingyu says, tone clipped.
Wonwoo finds offense in that. “Do you think I’m stupid?” he asks. “I know what I’m asking. I’m saying I can help you.”
Shivers run down his spine when Mingyu draws closer, tucking his face in Wonwoo’s neck. “Hyung, ugh, don’t do this to me.”
Wonwoo’s too aware of how close their bodies are, how hot Mingyu’s breaths are on his open neck. The arousal builds on the pit of his stomach. “I’m not even doing anything!”
“Okay, okay. I need a moment to think,” Mingyu says as he pulls back. He pretends to think it over—eyes comically darting everywhere but Wonwoo and lips chewed between his teeth. “No. We can’t do it.”
He’s hurt. Wonwoo blurts out the next thought that passes his short-circuiting brain. “You don’t want me?”
“No,” Mingyu says immediately. “It’s… it’s something else.”
“Stop acting weird, Mingyu. I’m just saying I can help you, that’s all there is to it.”
“It is weird.”
“It’s not weird.”
“It’s weird that you’re even asking!” Mingyu says. Something about it has Wonwoo deflating, and it must show on his face because Mingyu quickly brushes his hand on Wonwoo’s cheek. His hand mourns the loss of warmth. “Okay, now you’re upset with me.”
“I’m not upset, Mingyu!” He half-shouts as he maneuvers to stand up. “Just get off me. I need to sleep.”
“Look me in the eye if you’re not upset with me.”
Wonwoo avoids him.
“See! You won’t even look at me.”
“Because I’m tired! I’m not upset with you.”
Mingyu breathes out a sigh. “I’m sorry.”
“Okay, now that’s weird. Why are you apologizing?” Wonwoo softens his voice. “Sorry I… I shouldn’t force it.”
“You’re not forcing me,” Mingyu groans. It’s deep and guttural and Wonwoo tries not to think of how naked Mingyu is right in front of him. “I just… I want to make sure that you understand what you’re asking—that you know what it means.”
“It-it doesn’t have to mean anything. I told you I got it. I’m offering to help you.”
It shocks him at the very least to see Mingyu gaze at him so sadly, bordering pained. Wonwoo doesn’t know what those eyes tell. “It doesn’t mean anything? It wouldn’t mean anything to you?”
It sounds like a trap. “No, I… I’m not saying it’s completely meaningless. Just that we don’t have to complicate it.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“You can help me, but can I… ugh, it feels wrong—”
“It’s not wrong, Mingyu. I want this too.”
“You want this? You want me?”
“Well, I mean, I offered, didn’t I?” Wonwoo says, dumbstruck.
“So can I… can I touch you too?”
There is no explanation that could describe how they look at each other. Eyes following every single movement in the other’s face for any sign that this might not be what the other wants. Even now, Wonwoo doubts. He doubts even the words he chooses to speak. “Yeah. We help each other. That’s what I’m proposing.”
“Okay,” Mingyu replies, curtly. He unlaces their fingers and pushes at Wonwoo’s messy fringe. His boyish smile feels dangerously close. “Yeah, I’m down.”
“Me too.”
It’s Wonwoo who kisses Mingyu first. It feels a lot like throwing all reservations out the window as his hands snake around Mingyu’s nape, tugging at him weakly. The first is merely a peck, the second is a kiss, and everything else after that is an attempt to devour each other.
It’s weird how they slot their lips together. Unsure and uncertain of what to do, but then they ease into it. Mingyu brackets his arms with Wonwoo in between them as they taste each other. Each kiss is more slick than the previous one, until spit passes unto their hungry mouths.
It feels like throwing all reservations out the window. For Wonwoo this feels like meeting with the devil, writing a deal for himself which he cannot refuse, doesn’t matter that he doesn’t have the strength to unwrite it. Not when Mingyu tastes salty. Like the craving of his soul. The weakness of his heart.
When their lips part, each breath is a puff of scalding heat. On the floor, it’s cold; but with Mingyu’s body so close, it’s warm. Warm and hot like hell.
“You taste so sweet, hyung,” Mingyu says when they pull apart and he nibbles at Wonwoo’s lips. “Why do you taste so sweet?”
He must look debauched by now, hair messy and lips desperately red.
“Can I…” Wonwoo hesitates. There is no pleasant way to phrase this. “Can I touch you?”
Mingyu nods.
When Wonwoo approaches it, there’s a slight shake in his hands from the hesitation. He swallows it then and there as he feels Mingyu’s cock on his hands.
It takes the surface of his two hands to just hold it. Mingyu’s cock feels like holding fire. The searing red cockhead stares at Wonwoo as he stares right back at it. With a tentative slide of his hand, he hears Mingyu’s groans. His eyes dart fast enough to see how pleasure contorts into the curve of his lips.
He doesn’t know what Mingyu likes, though he knows what would bring pleasure. He jacks it off as he would with himself. Slow and slick, spreading the precum through the entire thick length and thumbing at the head where cocks are most sensitive.
Just like that, Wonwoo fondles and hastens his hands. Mingyu dissolves into a mess of breathless moans, hips twitching as Wonwoo squeezes and loosens his grip every once in a while. It’s so heavy in his hands. So hard and obscene.
With his eyes glued to Mingyu’s cock, it takes him by surprise when a hand captures his chin. Mingyu kisses him filthy this time. A sloppy slot of their lips as Mingyu devours him into open-mouthed kisses.
Through all of it, Wonwoo just pumps Mingyu’s cock. He can feel his very own straining so tightly in his pants.
With a few more strokes, Mingyu cums. He’s not shy with his moans, breathing and groaning loudly into Wonwoo’s lips as ribbons and ribbons of cum shoot into Wonwoo’s hands.
The slide of his hands squelches messily as he pumps them to Mingyu’s conclusion.
A few minutes later, they’re breathing hazed into each other’s faces. Wonwoo doesn’t know if he can live another day knowing what Mingyu tastes like.
“Did you cum?” Mingyu asks after a while.
Shamelessly, Wonwoo looks down to see a wet patch on his pants. He doesn’t feel remorse or regret. “Yeah.”
“Good.” Mingyu kisses him again. Chaste this time. “What do you want? Tell me what you want, hyung. Anything. Tell me anything you want and I’ll give it.”
He doesn’t know where he finds courage in that moment. Perhaps the rush of dopamine in his blood. “Can you touch me too?”
Mingyu laughs, but it’s not out of mockery. It sounds relieved instead, maybe it relieves him to know Wonwoo wants the same.
It’s difficult to remember the next series of events that happen after that. In a few blinks of the eye, Wonwoo’s naked on the bed, back on the sheets as Mingyu seems to worship his exposed skin.
He kisses and nibbles at his lips, trailing downwards into his neck and chest. Licking and kissing at Wonwoo’s nipples, sucking at them like a famished soldier.
Then he jacks off Wonwoo as they make out for what could be hours. When Wonwoo cums, it’s on Mingyu’s hands; and when Mingyu cums again, it’s on Wonwoo’s body.
Mingyu’s not shy to shower him with praises, and Wonwoo keens as he succumbs himself into the satisfaction that floods his mind.
Wonwoo cums a few more times after. When Mingyu fingers him open, when Mingyu edges him with fingers on his ass and lips on his nipples, and when Mingyu takes him apart with his mouth.
There’s a thought that never leaves him through it all. Like a chill, it sticks to his skin. Like a ghost, it haunts him.
It remains to mean something to him, and it could never be the cold, emotionless fuck he wants it so bad to be.
Wonwoo is weak, and he holds onto a lifeline that would never save him.