Chapter Text
I was twelve again.
I swallowed as I stood up on the empty cliff of red rocks and destruction. My hands shook as strange dog-like creatures appeared in a pack over a hill not too far away. I breathed out shakily, my throat closing up as I turned around with wide eyes. I stopped, my eyes lifting up inch by inch and coming face-to-face with a creature with such burned flesh that I was surprised it was still alive.
Where was I?
The creature lifted a hand, stroking my face. “Hello, William,” he said, tilting his head slightly as he watched me with sunken eyes.
I couldn’t hold back my terror anymore. A scream spilt from my lips, higher and louder than any I’d ever produced before, and I prayed that someone, anyone , would hear me. I didn’t wait around to find out as I turned heel and ran
The background blurred around me. The spiny not-trees melted into the ground. The red rocks crumbled. The sky shifted shades, melting into a flat pink, then a muted purple before finally settling on a dull blue that I’d seen mere moments ago before entering that shed. I stopped as houses materialized out of nothing. Roads and telephone poles erupted from the ground, vines crawling their way onto everything.
Everything blinked away as I shot up in bed, sweating and panting and shaking in a cold panic. I moved to the window in the room that I shared with El and Jonathan while finishing construction on the cabin. Three more bedrooms were being added so we could have a base of operations. So we didn’t have to be separated.
The ominous storm still hung in the sky. The spores stopped me from leaving the safety of the cabin, no matter how much I wanted to walk outside and feel the ferocious downpour pound against my skin. My whole being froze as a single strike of lightning bathed the room in red. I could do nothing as another strike sputtered through the air.
Prickles ran over my neck as another flash pierced the cold darkness. I placed a hand on my neck, hugging myself tightly as I continued to watch the storm.
I wasn’t back there. There had come to me again. Come for me. I frowned, unsure how I knew that. That it wanted me more than anything. Even El.
“Will?” Jonathan asked, his cot creaking under him as he stood up. “What time is it?”
I didn’t turn around as he walked up to me. “Early.”
He rubbed his eyes as he wrapped an arm around me, steering me back to bed. “Want to talk about it?”
I shook my head, unsure if what I’d just seen was a mere nightmare or a memory. Unsure if I wanted to know. “I’m fine.”
He raised an eyebrow at me, sitting down beside me on my cot. “You sure? You know I’m here if you need anything?” His hand rested on my back, rubbing smooth circles into it. It was nice. Reassuring.
I nodded. “No. I know. I just…” I breathed out, dropping my head into my hands. “I’m not sure if it was real or not,” I stated at long last.
His hand froze in the middle of my back. “Not sure if what’s real?” He didn’t force me to turn around or look at him or answer, and despite everything, it was a great comfort.
“I should go back to sleep,” I said in lieu of an actual response, daring a glance at him.
His shoulders sagged, his arm dropping to his side. “Right. Yeah. We should.” He didn’t say anything else as he stood up and walked back to his bed.
I stayed up a while longer. There was no rush to return to nightmares.
******
El was my sister. I knew that. Felt that. Loved that. Yet, we didn’t talk. Not really. Which was why it was so strange for her to seek me out during one of our supply runs a few days after Mike’s birthday. A sour pang had shot through me when there’d been a small celebration; no presents or cake, just fair wishes. Another hit me as I remembered that he still hadn’t spoken more than two words to me since that day on the couch.
“Will?” El asked as we turned toward a ruined grocery store. I had a gun in my arms, the only way Mom would let me out of her sight, a backpack for supplies strapped to my back, and a walkie clipped onto a belt at my waist. El was decked out in much the same way, even if she also wore an odd pair of red sunglasses for no reason.
“Yeah?” I replied, stepping over the broken glass from the door.
“I dumped Mike’s ass,” she stated, following just after me.
I stumbled at the suddenness of the statement. “Why?”
She made a beeline straight for the Eggos and shrugged. “We are not in love. He dumped my ass, too.”
I let out a strangled “Oh” before continuing past her to the outdoor section, hoping to recollect myself and see if anything could be of use.
I was picking up some wire, stuffing a half dozen spools into my bag along with packs of long nails and as many different kinds of batteries as I could find when something flashed in the corner of my vision. I stopped dead in my tracks, slowly turning to the source, only to freeze mid-turn when my eyes caught on a strand of patio lights.
I zeroed in on them just as the world flickered around me.
My breaths hitched as I found myself curled inside an all-too-familiar cupboard. My gaze trailed down the wood walls, tracing every grain that I knew by heart and fell onto my shoes. It climbed up jeans that, two seconds ago, I definitely wasn’t wearing, to a red and yellow puffy vest that I hadn’t seen since ‘83. My hands were wrapped firmly against my knees, and I knew without looking that there was no gun or backpack or walkie in sight.
I choked back a sob, wanting to crumble entirely because I was back. I was back in ‘83, and I’d never met El and gone to California and- I froze, my eyes widening. No. This was a different kind of terrible. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. This was supposed to be only stupid nightmares.
I swallowed as my eyes closed, and I was pleading with whatever was listening to take me back home. When I opened them again, I remained curled up, but I could see my mom.
She was begging me to be there. To talk to her. And then the Christmas lights were flickering and leading to my hiding spot. She rushed over and started asking me questions. I just wanted to curl up in her embrace and let her take me away from this place. She was standing up and walking away. ‘NO!’ I made a grab for her, but she disappeared in a puff of smoke, and I was back in the cupboard.
I broke down, sobs wracking my body as I pressed a hand to my mouth to muffle them. Silence. Silence was my only friend, my only protection.
Faintly, her voice echoed through the depth of the darkness around me. I closed my eyes again. I could almost pretend that I could see her. Could almost pretend that I could see my home and the… letters on the wall.
“WILL!”
I startled, finding El staring at me. She was frantic. Her nails dug through the thin fabric of my long-sleeved shirt. She shook my shoulders violently, practically screaming her head off. She grabbed at her walkie, yelling into it. Her eyes were wild as they darted between me and the walkie and where my eyes were fixed behind her. Right. On. The patio lights.
I groaned, shaking my head as I rubbed my face, trying to regain any feeling, any sense of reality. “Shit.”
She flung her head onto my shoulder, clutching my back desperately as she sobbed. I sighed, hugging her back, not really knowing how to explain what had just happened. Not that I wanted to either.
She didn’t ask.
******
That wasn’t the last incident I had during the day. Most times, no one else was present, and when they were, I managed to snap out of it before they realized anything was wrong. Of course, nightmares haunted all of my non-waking hours and, thanks to years of practice, never woke anyone else up.
Unfortunately, my streak of luck came to an end during one meeting about possible ways to find Vecna and kill him. For good. “I’m just saying that Henry-” Dustin started.
My whole body stiffened at the name, and I was once again face-to-face with the melted creature that I’d quickly realized, through much conversation and description, was actually Vecna.
He stood before me as I coward away in the utterly demolished Castle Byers. A Demogorgon stood right by his side, obediently waiting for an order. “Join me, William,” he said, a hand in offering. “We can change the world. Remake it. Become kings!” He smiled at me, a terrifying, spine-chilling, gut-wrenching smile. “Let’s start a new party. You and me.”
I shook my head, crawling as far away from him as I could. I needed to run. Mom had said to run. She’d told me to survive. And that girl had said that Mom was coming for me. I sobbed, knowing I had nowhere to escape. He was blocking the only exit, and that creature could catch me in seconds.
Ultimately, it didn’t matter. He grabbed me, dragging me away from the ruins of Castle Byers. I kicked and screamed and begged for him to release me. The Demogorgon ran away, seeking prey that it was allowed to eat. And that was all the Democreatures we saw as he dragged me behind him. No Demogorgons came to attack me. No Demodogs heard my cries. No Demobats swarmed overhead. It was just us as he threw me into the back of the public library.
“William…” he tsked, shaking his head sadly. “We could’ve been great. Now… I’m afraid I’ll have to send you back as my spy. And you will bring me Eleven before I’m through with you.”
He threw me into the air with a wave of a hand, and I was forced to watch in horror as he approached me, circling me and slicing a cut into my neck. I cried out, only to be silenced as a vine shoved its way into my mouth.
“This could’ve been painless…” And with that, he walked away, leaving me cold, alone, and with a slimy vine creeping down my throat.
I gagged as I woke up again, doubling over as I remembered the feel of the vine crawling down my throat. I sobbed, clutching my mouth as The Cure blasted into my ears. I tore off the headphones, stumbling away from everyone. No. No, this wasn’t supposed to happen. They weren’t supposed to know. They weren’t supposed to worry.
I ended up in the bathroom, locking the door behind me as I emptied my stomach into the toilet.
When my stomach had nothing left to turn up, I settled against the wall, flushing the remains of my vomit down the pipes. I rubbed my legs, and arms, and face before finally touching my neck, seeking the scar that should’ve appeared from that cut and finding nothing but smooth skin.
A quiet click had me dropping my hands to my knees and pulling them up to my chest as I stared at the intruder. “Will…” El murmured, sitting on the floor beside me after closing and locking the door again. “What’s going on?”
Tears filled my eyes as she brushed a hand through my hair. I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes, forcing the tears back as my head thudded against the wall. No crying. They didn’t know yet. They didn’t need to be worried. They just thought it was Vecna. I dropped my hands and pulled my knees up to my chest. That was worse. I’d be smothered twenty-four-seven, and the flashbacks would keep coming, and they’d realize it wasn’t Vecna and get mad and be even more worried.
She paused before sidling closer until our knees brushed together. “I know we don’t talk about this stuff…” I could hear her swallow as she hovered a hand over my knee. “Did I do something?”
“What?” I croaked out, my hands falling away from my eyes.
“You… don’t like me much. I see it here.” She tapped my eyes. “You look at me like I took your favourite thing.”
My breath hitched, hating that I’d let that jealousy seep through even a little bit. And, of course, she had , technically , stolen my favourite thing. Not that she needed to know that.
“I- No,” I whispered, shaking my head, overwhelmed by the whole idea that El didn’t understand that she was my sister and that I loved her. “No,” I repeated with a good deal more force. “I love you. A lot. I just… I don’t know how to talk to you.”
Her eyes lit up with a smile. “Oh! I don’t know how to talk to you too.”
My eyebrows knit together. “You don’t?”
She shook her head. “Lucas said that you…” She paused for a good deal of time as if searching for the word. “Intimidate me.” She nodded firmly, her lips pressing into a tight line.
I spluttered at that. “ I intimidate you . But you’re… you.”
Her smile faded as she stared at the floor. “I’m a superhero.”
I sighed, shaking my head. “No… Well… I mean, yes, but that’s not what I meant.” I leaned my head against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. “In California, you always stood your ground, stayed yourself, you know? Even when you were being bullied. That takes guts.” Her face scrunched up a little at that. “And attacking your bully… that takes more guts than I’ve ever had. So, yeah, I don’t see how I could intimidate you.”
Finally, the frown eased off of her face, and she nodded. “You don’t understand because I am brave.”
“Exactly,” I replied, nodding strongly.
“Why don’t you know how to talk to me?”
I smiled ruefully. Yeah, I knew exactly why I couldn’t talk to her. I’d had far too much time to come up with an answer which is why I easily replied with, “Because you’re smart, and I know that the second you figure me out, I’ll lose you.”
She squared her shoulders. “Well, I’ll figure you out,” she declared, a smile blooming across her face. “And then, I will be here for every step.”
Despite her declaration and despite myself, my smile turned into something warm and genuine, even as I arched an eyebrow at her. “Every step?” Warmth, true warmth, exploded in my stomach. That love that I hadn’t felt since a crusty pizza kitchen in fucking Nevada . And before that? Who knows how long.
“Yes. Every step.”
My smile fell as I leaned my head against her shoulder. “Okay, El, you do that.”
She would figure it out sooner or later, and I had to hope that she’d actually stay when it all blew up in my face because, through everything, I’d grown to love her as much as Jonathan.