Work Text:
Being exceptional is a terribly lonely thing.
This was something Ugetsu should have learned long ago.
With exceptionality, came alienation. To others, it is a great gift that they would give anything to have. They think of it as some sort of blessing, with those blessed with it as some sort of deity that they could never possibly think of reaching.
It is awfully isolating.
But when he met Akihiko, he threw all these thoughts to the back of his mind.
After all, with him, he was... "happy".
He was able to touch his heart.
He wanted to be with him.
-
Ugetsu had always felt more than regular people.
As a musician, this was what made him exceptional.
To him, emotions and music went hand-in-hand.
With life however, it was different.
Music was his life.
-
He had always known, even subconsciously, that things with Akihiko would not have worked out.
When he looked at him, what he saw was a love separate from his of music.
But when Akihiko looked at him, all he saw was what he could never hope to reach.
And what he saw, made him give up on his violin, his dreams, his music .
To Ugetsu, music is his life, yet his music only caused pain for Akihiko.
His own music caused the ending of another’s.
So he left Akihito.
-
Sometimes, Ugetsu thinks to himself.
What could have changed if only he was different?
What if, he wasn’t exceptional?
Was his music so important as to hurt someone, and push away those that he cared most about?
Somehow, even then, they couldn’t let go of each other.
-
This feeling– repressed and knotted into himself– never untangled, was never cut away, never disappeared. It was stuffed in his chest, suffocating him. Tying him to the ghost of the past, of something he once so desperately wanted.
And by himself, he could never hope to get rid of it.
-
And that’s when he met Mafuyu.
And Ugetsu told him everything.
Perhaps, the reasoning wasn’t very complicated.
It was true, he didn’t have any friends.
But he could tell; the two of them were similar.
Mafuyu, too, had someone he couldn’t let go of.
-
When he heard Mafuyu, with his song, and his talents, his exceptionality , that knot inexplicably loosened.
Then Akihiko approached him, further pulled on the string.
Perhaps this feeling will never fully disappear, this knotted string never gone.
But, he finally understood.
"It's okay."
It's okay.
Bye-bye, Akihiko.
–
“I’ll find my light, all over”