Chapter Text
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Seungmin was wrapped in a web of lies. They weren't his lies, of course, he despised lying to his members. Minho gripped his chin before leaving the bathroom, "Be a good boy and keep quiet, if anyone asks I was with you at your lessons tonight got it?" Minho's face held a beautiful glare, his sharp eyes peering into Seungmin's soft ones...Seungmin melted from his adrenaline dying down as the cold air started nipping at his naked body, he nodded, "Course Hyung..." Seungmin hated lying... almost as much as he hated Minho. But oh did he love to play his games.
He jumped as the bathroom door slammed shut. He shook his head, trying to rip himself out of his subspace…He doesn't think Minho knows that from one glance he sends Seungmin deep into a subspace…only to leave him in the depths of a subdrop… he at least hopes Minho doesn't know…then again Minho didn't care about him…so it wouldn't be shocking that he knew and just didn't care enough. Seungmin huffed a shuddering breath. Feeling tears drip as he trembled and cleaned his bottom and thighs. Blood dried on his skin and floor from the bite marks. Hissing as he trailed over the bruises and cuts left by the razor Minho wanted to use on him. The excitement and adrenaline dying down as he thought about how the hell he found himself stuck in this web…
It was…gradual until Seungmin nose-dived into Minho's venom. He was burnt as soon as he fell. Seungmin has always been on the non-sexual side…until Minho kissed him. Warm hands traveling down his body. Being pulled onto Minho's lap as he rutted up onto him. Seungmin tasted the fear, the discomfort, and the pure disgust. And loved it. He's always chased things that left him riddled with clogging anxiety. It was his personal form of self-harm. Minho just happened to be the perfect person for Seungmin to let himself be ruined by.
Minho was an enigma. After his and Jisung's relationship ended… Minho became a shell of who he once was…while still keeping up his appearance… Seungmin loathes that he gave in to him. Despises that he betrayed Jisung. He just hopes Jisung will never find out they were doing this behind his back…Seungmin tried reasoning with Minho…Minho made that difficult when he shoved something in his mouth and tied his hands…
Seungmin slipped his clothes back on and headed out, he still had vocal lessons and dinner with Chan.
He knew where Minho was going tonight. After the breakup he went almost every night, making Seungmin lie when a member asked about why Minho wasn't in his bed. Seungmin was tasked to stay in his room until late in the morning. Stage it too seem like Minho slept there…making Seungmin miss the warm shower that started his days off nice, missing the breakfast Jeongin would make for them. If asked, 'Oh Min hyung went to workout' 'Min hyung just want for coffee with his friend..' He went to an underground nightclub. Where he'd do God knows what. When Seungmin asked he got punished and spanked, he never got any real answers out of Minho…
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Seungmin didn't realize how fucked he was until tonight. Minho had him pinned down on his bed. Brutally pounding into him. Pain blossoming from every bleeding bite mark. With every cut from the new pretty knife Minho bought, Minho's hand wrapped around his neck, his hands tied uncomfortably behind his back, squishing them until they were numb. He wasn't hitting his prostate at all. Nothing but pain. He was sobbing out for him to stop, soft safewording was their favorite; even though Seungmin suggested it because he truly wanted to stop, but didn't want that control. Didn't want the pain to stop no matter how much his body asked for it. His mind panicked and scrambled to Stop. Stop. Stop. "H-Hyun-g p-please no m-ore…" Minho chuckled darkly above him, going even faster, dragging the knife harshly down his chest, "Be a good toy and take it." God he'd do anything Minho says…but oh did Seungmin want this to end…everything…he's been letting himself be used for months…months with degration. Months with never-ending scars, wounds, bite marks, hickeys. Months of being a toy, prey in Minho's webs. Months of being left alone in his subspace only to drop so hard he contemplated taking his life until he drifted to sleep, months of watching his hyung grow from the breakup. Watching him and Jisung get closer again, flirt, flow back into the gentle touches they always shared. Once that happened Minho treated Seungmin worse and worse every time. Fucks him harder. Fucks him until he finishes and leaves. Months of…emptiness. Months of watching every other member push him away.
He wasn't the nicest after Minho would fuck him until he was a sobbing, bleeding mess. He hated lying…hated that he put himself into this corner. Hated that he was starting to get consumed by anxiety…hated how even Chan blew him off to have dinner with Sungie and Binnie on his late vocal lesson nights. Detested himself; so much for loving it.
Minho finished, snapping his hips and roughly untying his hands, Seungmin stared at the ceiling as his cock which was once hard, softened. Never getting to cum…he didn't mind. He felt like he could throw up if he looked at the damage on his body, if he looked Minho in the eye…so he looked up, flinching away from Minho's weirdly timed soft touch. "Minnie?" Seungmin tightened his jaw as bile rose, "Sir?" "No no, just hyung, are you okay?" Seungmin whined…did he upset him? Was he not good enough? W-What did he do wrong? "Woah Minnie breath…can you look at me?" No no, he can't, he needs to be a good toy and look away. "I'm okay." His mouth felt like jello. Blood felt like it was filling his mouth as he bit his tongue, his cheeks, his lip. "Minnie…what's wrong hmm?" Seungmin's mind fully shut down. He didn't like this soft tone…didn't want this gentleness. "N-" nope, he's going to throw up. He breathed and gulped down bile, wincing at the acid that burnt his throat and nose. He flinched and curled away as Minho gently grabbed his face. No. Seungmin wanted to feel like he was going to die from anxiety, drown in it. He gulped again, "want to be alone…my routine." His routine of rotting in his drop…please Minho be cruel…. "Okay Minnie, just breathe…please call me if you need me back in here hmm?" Seungmin didn't answer just stared off. Feeling his heart drop…his stomach burn. He was stuck. He heard the door close. His mind yelling at him to move, get up, clean himself off, and put clothes over his disgusting body. But he couldn't move. He genuinely felt paralyzed, his eyes burning as they widely stared off into space. Unblinking. He could barely breathe. His body hurts…His neck hurt from being squeezed for so long. Minho never stopped to think about Seungmin’s vocal lessons, and how much it hurt to sing like this…he was glad he was never a thought in his Hyung’s mind.
***
His mind muddled from the lack of air. He gasped and twitched as his brain screamed at him to hurt himself more. To get up. Get dressed. Grab the razor in the third drawer, back right corner in Seungmin’s glasses case, and slice open his arms. So he did just that. He quietly walked to the bathroom. Rubbing his arms with his cold hands. He put his phone down and locked the door. What day was it? He hummed as he checked. His mind scrambling but was completely calm. He shakily grabbed the razor and sat down on the floor. Without thinking…he just dug the tip of the blade into his arm. He knew exactly where the arteries were. He’s researched countless times. He melted with a shudder. His subdrops left him so emotionless sometimes. He barely felt the pain. Didn’t register his cries.
***
After several minutes, he gasped softly at the blood still dripping onto the tile. That’s not good, is it…? No not really…he didn't want to die just yet. Well… No…He shouldn't leave his members, his friends…well maybe friends behind like that…that would damage the group. His mind lazily made up as he fought the fuzziness. He reached for his phone; ripping the cut more, more blood pouring out… “Minnie?” Seungmin stilled…when did he even call him… “N-Nevermind Sir…sorry.” He bit his lip and hung up. Minho’s voice filled him with utter fear. He started shivering and teeth chattering as he sucked breaths in. Was he going to die finally? He wished his mind would clear…subdrop was never fun…he chuckled to himself; that was the point... He jumped at a knock, “Seungminnie let hyung in?” Minho asked softly. No no no he doesn't want to be used again. Not right now. If he’s quiet maybe he’ll go away? He shuddered and whined at anything knock, “I need to make sure you’re alright Minnie.” Oh, he’s making him mad…No, nothing good happens when he lets Minho be alone with him… Oh…but maybe he’ll like what Seungmin did…make him happy…black dots filled his vision as he slowly reached up and flipped the lock. Minho came in and hit him softly with the door, closing it and gasping. “Sorry Sir…I’m still…a me..ss.” He flinched as Minho cupped his face and arm. “Seungmin…wha-” “Good toy?” Seungmin didn't dare look at Minho…that was a set rule, “Seungmin stop, breathe, you aren't a toy, fuck…fuck you’re bleeding too much…” Seungmin whimpered as Minho yelled for Chan hyung, “Shh…not supposed to know…” Seungmin whispered, he gulped and choked on bile. His stomach sizzled with anxiety and fear. “Seungmin stop. We aren't in a scene right now…why’d you hurt yourself hmm? What happened Minnie?” Seungmin hummed and slumped as he felt his heart slow down, “Needed more…but don’t wanna be…he…re.” Seungmin slurred, faintly hearing Chan saying something, “Seungmin no no…you need to stay with me baby, stay awake.” Minho begged. Seungmin didn't like this… didn't like being treated normally…But he did like the hollowness in his chest…he really loved the anxiety fade into a sense of calmness, he hasn't felt this stable in so long...made him want to curl up with Lixie and sleep for weeks...forever if possible…Oh, he loved the thought of never breathing again…he serviced Minho well…he hoped.